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Hello friends, and thank you for tuning into the Duncan Trussell Family Hour Podcast. It's me,
Duncan Trussell reporting into you from Planet Earth, where we are all eternity trapped in ham,
trying to understand exactly what we do as we wander around this bend in the space time continuum
caused by the giant ball that we're on pressing into the fabric of space and time.
I am getting this up on Thursday because on Tuesday, in the midst of doing the intro,
I got a call from my mom, who had just gotten back from the doctor because she had started
feeling bad. She's, as some of you know, most of you probably know, she's had
a late-stage breast cancer for the last four years, and it moved into her bones,
and from her bones it moved into her liver. That happened a few months ago, and that has
progressed. And basically, the doctor told her that she's got to go wherever she's going to die
because, you know, that her time is very, very short, because once it spreads in your liver,
at some point your liver is going to hemorrhage, and that will cause you to go into a coma,
is what he told her. So she was calling to tell me that, and then that news sort of made me press
pause on recording the intro and start figuring out other stuff, which is that I've got to go up
there, and probably I'm going to be saying goodbye to her for the last time. I was talking to a
friend of mine, a friend of mine called me up, and she was calling because right now she's an actor,
and right now it's pilot season in Los Angeles, and so what pilot season is, is where all the actors
try to get jobs on the network TV shows, and pilot season is just one of the most,
I've talked about it on the podcast before, but just brutality for actors and for people who want
to be on TV. It's just, it's this terrible, archaic series of brutal initiations, and it's really
rough, and you've got to be, you're in traffic all the time, and it's just brutal. And she was
calling to talk to me, and we talked a little bit, and then you know, I told her I've got to go up to
my mom's dying, I've got to say goodbye to my mom, and her response was, oh, you know, how am I
complaining about this when you, you've got to go say goodbye to your mom who's dying,
and just got one of your balls snipped off. And I've been finding a lot of this has been happening
where this hierarchy gets created, where people will complain about little things to me, and then
the little things that they're complaining about that immediately gets followed by like, how could
I even complain? You know, you only have one ball now. What am I complaining about some bad
service that I got at a restaurant, or some little problem that happened with my car? But
here's the thing, the big problems are less problematic than the little problems. That's
the amazing paradox. The big problems give you something to fight. The little problems,
the tiny little tragedies, they drive you insane. And this is articulated
in a really beautiful way in this poem by Charles Bukowski. It's not the large things that send
a man to a madhouse. Death he's ready for, or murder, incest, robbery, fire, flood, no,
it's a continuing series of small tragedies that send a man to the madhouse. Not the death
of his love, but a shoelace that snaps with no time left. With each broken shoelace out of 100
broken shoelaces, one man, one woman, one thing enters a madhouse. So be careful when you're
bend over. So be careful when you bend over, pals. He's absolutely right. And I'm just going to get
on with this podcast. I'm heading up to North Carolina soon. I've talked to with my mom about
this and she wants to do a podcast. So I'm probably going to do a podcast with her. If she's able to
do that, we both appreciate the kind words that you've been sending our way. And we both want
you to know that no matter what, we're fine. And we're going to be fine. So let's get on with
this podcast. Got a great guest, Johnny Pemberton. I recorded this before all this happened with my
mom. This was recorded last week. Like I said, this bit of phenomena sort of got in the way of
releasing the podcast, but got a great podcast with my pal, Johnny Pemberton. Before that,
let's do some business. The Duncan Trestle Family Hour is brought to you by Short Design T-shirts.
Short Design T-shirts is one of the finest T-shirt companies on earth. You can go to
shirtdesigntshirts.com and buy one of these soft, beautiful shirts. You put my name in,
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family hour and signing up for a trial membership. Get an audio book. Just do it for God's sakes.
If you've been listening to this podcast for a while and you haven't done it yet, why,
why would you stick thorns in my eyeballs? Why would you, why would you claw at my face with
you? But why would you turn your back on such a simple thing? Actually, I don't know if it's
simple. I have an audible membership, but I never signed up for a trial one. Maybe it's,
maybe it's difficult. I don't know. But go do it. You get a free audio book. You can cancel your
membership. It's a simple thing. It'll take four minutes out of your life. And those sweet,
is it audible? Send me 15 bucks. Another way that you could support this podcast is going to,
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going to buy silk gloves or an embroidered parrot or a wristwatch or Vaseline lubricants,
butt plugs, they have everything there, pentagram rugs, oatmeal bars, go through our Amazon portal,
costs you nothing. They give us a percentage of that. Amazon.com has everything and eventually
Amazon will surround the entire planet and we'll all exist on a shelf at Amazon and we'll all get
shipped out to aliens. But before that happens, you can help support this podcast just by buying
stuff yourself. And thanks for all of you have been donating to the Duncan trussell family or
podcast and buying our t shirts. And thanks for all of you have been participating on the forum
and have been joining the Minecraft server. I just recorded a podcast which is going to come out
next week with Pendleton ward, the creator of adventure time. And he actually hangs out on
our Minecraft server. And I've got to tell you guys that blew my mind. So if you guys want to
want to possibly brush shoulders with a genius who's created one of the most awesome cartoons on
earth, go to Duncan trussell.com and join the Minecraft server. Also I'm going to be going
on tour at the end of this month. 25th, 26, 27, 28, 29 and 30. I'm going to be in Athens, Georgia.
I'm going to be in Richmond, Virginia. I'm going to be at the Arlington draft house in Arlington,
Virginia. So please you guys go get tickets to these events. New York is all we've already sold
half the tickets and it's almost a month away. So just don't I mean, I don't want to sound like I'm
pestering you guys. But if you are thinking about coming to these shows, get the tickets now.
Uh, why not? They're all at my website at duckatrussell.com. I'd love to see you guys out there.
It is my favorite thing on earth, in fact. And finally, thank you again for all the kind words,
the well wishes and the condolences that I've been getting from everyone. I truly appreciate it.
And my mom truly appreciates it. And if you want to send my mom some sweet tweets,
you can send them to Duncan's mom, d-u-n-c-a-n-s-m-o-m 108 at Twitter. That's a little account I set up
for her. And she really loves it. She really loves hearing from you guys. So, um, all right,
you guys are the greatest humans on earth. I'm happy that we all exist. Congratulations for
taking a human incarnation. I'm not sure what you were in the past life, but this is a lucky
incarnation. I'm glad we're all here together. Today's guest on the Duckatrussell Family Hour.
He's been on the podcast a few times. He's a brilliant comedian, an amazing actor. One of my
dear friends, everyone, please welcome to the Duckatrussell Family Hour the sweetest man known
to men, Johnny Pemberton.
Oblivion! Oblivion! Oblivion! Oblivion! No man! No body! No life! No death! It does not change!
It does not grow! Flowers are in bloom for doom. Flowers are in bloom for doom.
Black, black, black, black. Flowers are in bloom for doom. Flowers are in bloom for doom.
Contemporary, momentary expressions of universal consciousness. Beware, beware, don't let them trick you.
Beware, beware, they'll make you believe you're immortal. They'll make you wear formal wear to parties.
I don't want to wear formal wear to your stupid to get together.
I don't want to wear formal wear to your stupid to get together.
I don't want to wear high one to wear high one to wear high one to wear high one to wear high one to
wear high one to wear high one to wear.
12 pence in the shower.
How about all these likeshots?
Human beings Johnny, what do you think about these sons of bitches?
I don't know. I think I'm one of them.
I think we we run the spectrum don't we?
Yeah, it's a real mess.
From beautiful crimson orange to dark bloody brown.
From blue eyes to brown.
That's what makes the world go round.
I have a little treat here.
What do you got?
I got some fresh pee pods.
God damn boy. Johnny Pemberton you guys.
I just picked these from the garden today.
This is something that I don't think you those of you who've listened to the podcast
and know Johnny and have listened to the other episodes.
One thing that you don't realize about Johnny as you listen to him chew one of his wonderful pee pods
is he's a child of the earth.
You're a child of the earth.
You're a teagod.
We all are though.
See that's what a child of the earth would say.
Okay.
That's exactly what earth children say as they chew upon their pee pods
when someone points out that they're earth children.
I had a neighbor growing up in a house when I was like you know 10 year old kid
and the lady next door was this really weird lady named Mrs. Gilchrist
and her whole front lawn was filled with wildflowers
and I was like oh she's like a hippie right.
My mom was like no she's an earth mother.
She's older than hippies because she was not she was old too old to be a hippie.
Yeah your mom's smart.
Earth mother.
God I'll take a million earth mothers over a hippie any day of the week.
Earth mama.
She was like really kind of kind of weird kind of you know distant distant.
Yeah a little bit a little bit of spacey.
Well you know we're that that's the problem is there's not enough earth mothers.
There's these I don't know that you know I guess I smoked pot today when I
shouldn't have in the morning.
First thing.
Yeah.
In the shower.
I wanted to go right.
Reading.
I just finished this crazy book by Ph.D.
Philip K. Dick gave me that anytime I read a Philip K. Dick book I've got a
week of being fucked up from reading the book and this one really got me that's
such a good feeling too when you read something and it's like it feels like
it warps your perspective.
Yes.
I like that a lot.
I haven't had that in a while.
I feel like I'm really missing that in books.
Philip K. Dick.
Yeah I guess sometimes it's like I have to find something a certain way otherwise I
don't.
You know what I mean you have to like I can have someone recommend something to me
but when I find it at the right time then it's like it makes it all the
difference as opposed to just reading it.
You read a lot.
I don't I go I go back and forth.
Sometimes I read a ton.
Sometimes I won't read anything but magazines.
When you read how do you find the time to read.
I usually read in bed before bed or I read in transit someplace.
That's what I like to travel.
If you traveling I feel like that's the only time I can really read.
Yeah.
I've read Tim O'Brien's The Things They Carried Have You Read That.
Nope.
It's fucking amazing.
It's so well written.
It's like you know it's about soldiers in Vietnam but it's not just about that at all.
He messes with like time convention and like all these things about what is
truth when you're writing.
It's so bizarre but he I read that cover to cover on a I bought it in the airport
and read it the entire flight and then I got home and I read it finished it in like
two hours at home.
I was like I've never done that before.
Sat down just to read.
Yeah.
Because I had I didn't have anything bothering me.
It was like a very it's easy to read when you're traveling because there's no that's
you don't have anyone around you by yourself and you can you have time.
You have you're isolated.
Well I guess you're not isolated but you have time to read.
You know that thing make taking the time to read is exactly the same thing as meditating.
Oh yeah.
Absolutely.
Because when you read like I'm just forcing myself not to read like like a I'm treating
myself like an oily kindergartner who just wants to sit in a puddle and not bathe.
Yeah.
Because it's like there's a from the from going on the Internet too much.
Some part of myself has weakened.
Oh totally because you want like you want immediate gratification.
You want like the thing to be interesting right away.
Yes.
And that's the thing that kills me.
I find that now it's like it's totally killed my ability to read is because if something
doesn't happen I'm not getting like OK where's the cool stuff.
Where's the where's the thing I want to remember.
Where's the highlighting part.
And it doesn't happen quick enough.
I get like impatient.
You have to work with books.
Yeah you do.
You have to you don't get it right away.
Books build but when but when they when they hit when everything starts combining.
Oh it's a frothy spray.
God damn man.
That moment when a book when you when you feel yourself finally connecting with the story
of the book and seeing where it's going.
That's magic.
Yeah.
And it's and it's a reading is more important than your career.
Right.
Yeah.
I think so.
Those are different things but I guess you could say that.
Yeah.
Meditation is more important than your job.
But you could also say that those things will you know they go back into it.
So if you're reading helps your career.
Oh yeah.
It'll help you.
It'll help everything.
More than anything really.
This is what people don't understand is the the flurry that everyone's gotten into at
this point.
I mean people are in a flurry.
A flurry they're just they're running around.
They're going around doing crazy shit everywhere that accomplishes nothing when
if you it's gotten to the point now.
Like do yeah doing.
They're doing a lot of doing.
They're just doing.
It's gotta be gotta be doing.
It must be doing.
If you're not doing.
Who are you.
What are you.
You're not doing.
Get out of my town.
What do you do.
What do you mean.
What do I do.
That's just a question.
Exactly.
Yeah.
That's the worst question.
So what do you do.
So what do you do.
What do you do.
What do you do.
I don't know.
I don't know what I do.
I mean what does a bird do.
It's it's yeah.
This is this question that what do you do.
It's terrible.
It's the most the worst thing ever doing is like doing is the everything bad that's ever
happened has been because of people doing things.
I mean things nothing like almost nothing bad happens from not doing it from inaction.
Good God Almighty man these people are cultists like you know everyone rails against the poor
Scientologists.
They do yeah.
But you want to talk about the real cult.
It's the doers.
It's the doers.
It's the well I guess you could say it's the capitalist machine.
You could say it's the I don't I mean the machine is comprised of doers and I wanted
to I want to talk about the particulates in the machine.
I've been a doer often.
Oh God Johnny.
I've so have you.
We all live in doors.
You know you've been a doer.
You've been a doer.
I've been a doer.
Yeah.
But but but but you know thank God I had this amazing chance to have an excuse to not do
right.
You got struck down by the the lightning finger fucking month.
Yeah.
I got a two month bench period and during that time I got to not do and and I like don't
get me wrong.
I like doing doing is great but I'm talking about I'm not talking about action because
we all have to act.
Right.
I'm talking about the people who are clearly using their action as either some kind of
revenge some kind of like they're kind of like trying to get vengeance through their
activity to prove to the world that they're OK.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying.
They're sure they're trying to they're using their their ambition is not because they're
passionate about what they're doing.
Their ambition is this desperate better to be like to be in front.
What time did you get up this morning.
No I've been up for a while.
I've been up.
I've been up doing for a while now.
Yes.
Yeah.
No.
No Melanie.
No she got up.
Melanie just got up everybody.
Melanie just got up.
It's platform.
No I've been up doing.
I've been up doing.
I did a little of this.
A little of that.
But some of this.
There's some of that.
So we were doing.
What were you doing.
Oh you were you were you sleeping in.
OK.
OK.
OK.
You just go you go ahead and do that.
OK Melanie.
OK Melanie.
OK Melanie you sleep in.
Jack has not missed a day of work in the last 20 years.
Jack hasn't missed a day.
I remember it.
And I for some reason I I still remember this.
It was like junior high the last the last like pep rally of junior high where they gathered
us all in the gym to say goodbye to us to because we would I was I went to rugby junior
high and from rugby rugby and from rugby junior high you moved to West Henderson home of the
Falcons.
And that and they was that's up the hill.
The high school is up the hill.
And I remember the principal at rugby coming out and giving this speech about how you're
going to move up the hill.
Things are different up the hill.
And they now anyway they gave an award.
This is the thing they gave an award.
And the award was to this weird kid who hadn't missed one day of class.
It's always a weird kid.
In three in three years he didn't miss one day.
Not one day.
That's the that's the ultimate you know that's a mini doer.
Right.
Who's like it's that or like you'll hear it about comedians too.
Oh yeah.
Oh Jackie flips.
He was he had his appendix had exploded.
But he's still still did his 50 minutes out of the comedy story that night.
Yeah.
Doing.
I played a gig on base when I had an IV in my arm.
I was doing.
Maybe it wasn't doing maybe it was just I don't know.
But if this is the in our society the what's rewarded is not so much.
What is being done.
It's the doing.
Yeah.
The fact.
Oh you built the house.
Or you you built the suburbs.
You did it.
You did the thing.
You made the one made the tea at least action action action action.
Wake up.
Get going.
Wake up.
Get going.
So you see this and what ends up being lost is just really basic shit.
And one of the first things that gets lost in this activity that you're always engaged in.
Here's what I can think of.
Right.
I found there's three things to get obliterated by doing.
But if you're in the cult you know you're in the cult of doers.
If right now you consider when was the last time that you sat still and did nothing for
10 minutes straight.
I mean I'm not no reading no TV no internet so difficult to do that.
When was the last time you did that.
Just really think about that.
When was the last time you did that.
Think about that.
Because for many many many many people it's almost never in their whole lives.
They've never done that.
The best thing I think I think that the best thing to do in terms of like finding that
time is just to watch things I find that like I like more than anything I just like to like
observe you know you just like because if you're observing you're not talking you're
not all you're doing is watch you're just watching what's happening.
And if you go places there's a lot of places that are very conducive to just looking and
watching and observing like like if you go to like like the Huntington Gardens or something
like that.
Or any place where you can watch things watch nature and just sort of you're just observing
it and it's weird when you when you don't say anything and you're quiet how much how
many things come forth because you're allowing them to present themselves.
Damn right.
And also that if you if you go and you and you decide to actually get out of your man-made
cave and head out into nature and sit still and just sit still in nature you will find
there is a really creepy amount of guilt that comes up like you're supposed to be it's such
a weird thing to be just be out in nature sitting still not doing anything.
There's a sense inside of you that's like what are you doing.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
What time is it.
What time what time is what's next what's next for the day.
What are you doing.
What are you doing.
Why are you just sitting here.
Man it's a real fucking mess.
I mean we're talking like like deep level brainwashing has been inflicted on this species.
Yeah.
It's like it's getting worse too.
I think it probably is getting worse because just how much noise is in the environment.
We have a lot of significant amount of noise and noise makes it hard to to be it's very
easy to be distracted because of all the noise.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well I mean but the noise you can absorb the noise.
We're just talking about this like act the act of you you think you're free but find
a time that you normally would be doing and sit down and read for two hours and then tell
me you're free because you're not because just finding those two hours to sit and read
for a lot of people they're like oh god oh to have that time to have the time to carve
out.
Yeah because I was thinking that part in American Splendor have you seen that movie.
Yes.
Yeah.
Harvey P. Garre is in the bakery and he's buying like two day old bread for cheap and
he sees some woman he used to go to college with and she's like envious you know he's
like hyper depressed and in like doldrums constantly and he is woman's like she's like
envious of his lifestyle because she has kids and she's like now I have because they were
in English class together so they and he was really good at that and she's like oh that's
so amazing you're reading that book I haven't I haven't got to crack a book in so long because
I don't have no time with kids and everything like that so it's like yeah I don't know what
I was thinking about that.
No it's terrifying but if you don't have kids you still not I can I just think of like you
know being in LA we get to be around people who are have the ambition of Napoleon.
They're crazy yeah this town is like crazy driven it's like there's you never see people
who are so so type A just ready to cut down whatever jungle is in front of them.
But why do those people always seem so pissed?
I think it's because I don't know it's funny I guess it's because maybe like the anger
comes out of that action because they're so driven it's like a part of the same thing
you know it's a part of the thing where they're it's the aggressive the aggression.
Yeah they're steely and they like can actually get angry on the way to yoga like they they'll
get mad they they'll everything they do has this underlying current of anger beneath it
it's like they're they they're at their actors usually are their producers but in the midst
of the process of acting like something or producing something the fuel behind it is
this bizarre competitive rage.
I think a lot of times there's hummingbird right there by the way they hang out in that
window and I love it.
Very pretty it's the thing where it's a product of I don't know I think maybe I feel this way
sometimes too is you don't know what you're doing you don't know what you really want
or what you're trying to do so you just do stuff with this sort of blind rage and that
sort of it it's loud enough to quell the the the underlying question or whatever it is
that you are unsure of it busies the mind so you don't have to think about that thing
that is really at the center of what you're driving for moving toward.
What is that thing?
It's different for everyone I suppose you know it's the thing it's like what is the what
is the the big question or what is the thing that you really want to be doing or what is
the thing that you really would make you happy.
I think if you're busy if you keep yourself busy and always doing stuff it's very easy
to not have to deal with that thing that is maybe something that you should deal with.
I like but you know being busy is definitely a wonderful balm when you're feeling depressed.
Oh yeah I think there's two different types though I think there's one thing to be doing
to be like doing good when you feel bad like to do good things because that always that's
nothing makes you feel better than doing helping other people when you feel bad because all
of a sudden it's just like it evaporates but I guess I think I mean more like in terms
of just just like getting stuff on the calendar I can't always think about that kind of shit
when in my life I'm like this this day's open oh no there's too much white not enough ink
on my calendar exactly yeah I I I it all boils down to being outside the present moment
really yeah and that's the worst that's the worst thing is being not in the present moment
what I like to do when I have these pangs of anxiety that have tormented me for my entire
life is whenever I get a nice like sweet gong on that like when when a nice big gong on the
fucking anxiety bell I like to instead of just feeling the anxiety and reacting I like
to kind of trace back like who banged the gong and it's inevitably the being banging the
gong is always a thought of the future the anxiety comes from thinking about the future
yeah like if I think right now I'm like man I've got a going on the road Wednesday I've
got all this shit I've got to do I've got two days to do it how am I gonna have the time
to do it I want to wash my clothes and I I need to clean but I'm I'm I've got to you
know I've got to make you crazy I gotta do these guys podcast done I've got to make sure
that I like have my material together and get the puppet polished but but but but but
but if I if I don't let myself think about the future and then I'm just here then everything
slows down like all of a sudden when you just think right now about just being in the present
moment and you're just kind of sort of giving up the future drinking the tea you're drinking
tea then all of a sudden everything's like I'm not gonna say everything's great you still
have the residual hangover of a lifetime of thinking about the future that's always with
you but you can deal with it you do it's everything just shifts in such a substantial way the moment
you pull the tendrils of your mind out of the phantasm of the past or the future mm-hmm yeah
that feels good to be the moment to feels very good it's a thing where it's one of the best
feelings I suppose is being in the moment that an abject terror yeah well I mean do you think you
like terror yeah we were talking with this the other day about how how I don't know I was because
I went running today and I had the I had the terror the you know the quick silver down the
brain of terror so not that's not so much terror but that that fucking electricity that lightning
of endorphins yeah I get once in a while and sometimes it makes me cry like I'll think
about something I like I will be running and he'll be crying because I'm like no not like
weeping not like you know weeping but I'm like becoming very emotional because that
chemical has been dropped into the the think tank and it's like all of a sudden I'm like
blasting off into outer space kind of with them but I feel like that's that's sort of like it's
a sense of terror in a way it's like because it's so extreme you know it's just you feel
a very extreme feeling of I guess it's in the moment it's very much in the moment kind of thing
it's a yeah it's almost like it's like an orgasm I suppose in a way yeah I know I do know the
feeling that you're talking about it's the thing everyone's I mean people you're running to feel
that feeling where many people are running away from that feeling at full speed at all costs they
don't want to feel that that's a feeling you get not just from running that's a feeling you get from
falling in love yeah that's a feeling you get from intimacy that's a feeling you get from acknowledging
how you actually are I guess anything really intense anything that needs sort of intense version
of something like getting fisted I mean fisted definitely fisting yeah falling falling falling
down a pit falling into a pit of fists a fist pit fist pits are notorious around here yeah I just
missed one earlier today fist pit full-on fist pit a pissed fit when I get stoned sometimes
a pissed fit and fit a pit of piss fists oh we got a pit of fist pissed here we're gonna we're gonna
have to lock this down I'm a cuz what we discovered sir was when we were going to kill Osama
we discovered a fist pit I don't know if you've been aware of this type of phenomenon
geological we've encountered much and doing drills is a fist bit over 50 of our Marines
we're fisted in that pit I tell you what they're not coming back they're coming back physically
but they're not coming back there's nothing worse and when one of these fine soldiers comes back
to our country to see their family and they've been fisted their souls been fisted out of them I
mean to look at them it's a look at a negative image like this is a photographer if you took
that negative image that's what they look like physically it's like gazing into a blank cloud a
boy a cloud is that knows what you're thinking it's gazing into you ever look at a cloud and it
looks back yeah that's the best pit their assholes have developed gravity similar to low level
star system it is a black hole they can't shit without turds going back into their ass they
shoot it it goes back in then dicks will be flying from all corners of the world flying I'm
talking thousand miles an hour dick just whipping through the air boom shooting up these assholes
and I tell you this with these terrorists or this is what the power that they have unleashed
because they've got they they've got this black hole this gravatron that is just sucking in dicks
faster than anything I've ever seen in my life it is a it is a straight up it is a rain of dicks
not only do we have our soldiers anus is sucking dicks in but we are having to restrain the
penises of non-affected soldiers so they get ripped right off their bodies and shoot it is very
difficult then this fellow this bossama jim lobhamfeller he is unable he is immune to the
effects of this very dangerous he's got enough there's nothing down there he's he's a he's a
neutral creature sir we believe he may be the third sex the third sex sir we we may have
confirmation mr. vice president we believe we have confirmation of the third sex destroy it
what are you talking about what do you mean I'm not my present anymore sir you've been
elected for life I don't know man I I I think that the there whenever I get stoned some when I
get stoned and go eat breakfast at this cafe I felt for a moment like I was existing in the
Neolithic period like I was existing that's caveman right yes that I was existing in it in
a primordial past that kind of like weird moment where you're sort of suddenly wake up just for
one second you're like oh god oh god we're so very primitive we're so so very we were so we're
so still exactly in the place we were at oh yeah nothing's changed it's just sort of like the
clothing or just the just the color of the whatever just the overarching sheen has changed
everything's the same and then you combine so it's like the you have this sheen but it's the
prohibition on being able to look at other people you can't look at people what do you mean if you
spend too long staring someone yeah one of the first things you teach kids just don't stare don't
stare you're not allowed to look and this is the thing that got me really freaked out as I started
I actually looked it up how many stars are there in the universe well they don't know that but in
the Milky Way they think there's right around 300 billion stars it's a lot on earth there's only
6 billion people so that makes people more unique than stars right so I was thinking if I was at a
cafe and a bunch of stars were at the table eating all I would do is stare at them right because
they're so unique and incredible but somehow in this dimension we've incarnated as sentient
star particulates and we're not allowed to look at each other in cafes I do it sometimes though
I break it I do too and then people think you're trying to fuck them well there's nothing greater
than when you get a chance to watch someone who doesn't know you're watching them that's some of
that's one of the greatest feelings I've I remember one time I was doing this show this this play
right yes and there was a girl who was doing the play after us who was doing her makeup I took her
like a good 20 minutes to do her makeup and she was really engaged in doing the makeup right she
was not thinking about anything else because she was really looking in the mirror engaged and I
sat there the entire time I was like going over my lines but I was watching her like the whole
time it was like the most relaxing thing I've ever one of the most relaxing experiences I've had
because it was like you're just watching someone do these very simple actions and that she was
completely unaware I was staring I was just staring right at her and it wasn't like I wasn't
like looking at oh she's hot it wasn't like that I was just looking at her because it's like
something about the actions she was doing were pleasant it's comforting yeah it's comforting
it's like those chances are that's why you got to ride the bus I had a friend who was a voyeur
I want to make a confession and this friend of mine wait when you say a voyeur does that mean he
derives sexual pleasure from no no no I wouldn't call it sexual so what is it then how will we
how am I not a voyeur then I guess that's voyeuristic what you did yeah boy I don't know that voyeurism
always has to be sexual pleasure being derived from the observation of the being I mean when you
know I could Jane Goodall is a shimpoi absolutely so it's so you you there's a well science is
nothing but observation that fucking Mars probe man that fucking lawyer what a perv they're fucking
snapping shots of that poor planet taking them to look at later analyzing everything but I had a
friend who was a voyeur and I remember once he like he was like I want to show you something that
I do and he took me behind a building mm-hmm where he found a window that he could stare in
mm-hmm and there was no way for the person in there who kept their window open to know they
were being observed because if I guess the way I don't know just the light the lighting is the
lighting and so we stood out there I'll never forget this is the one this moment is firmly
fused into my mind yeah because we sat there and watched this person at a desk writing that's all
just writing right the weird glow of the light and man aside from like the creep factor of thinking
like whoa shit man my friend is so freaky but but but aside from that it was like there was this
moment it's this it's relaxing there was a moment of like truth of yes you're seeing truth you're
seeing people who aren't lying when people don't know they're being observed they're they're not
lying they're just living in the actual moment it's true in the moment that's why people can't
stand bad acting that's what makes them uncomfortable because bad acting is like because it's not true
that's awesome I mean bad good acting isn't really even acting it's just it's finding a way to be
something for real and you're not tricking me I mean there are a lot of people who do trick but
it's that same thing that's why people like watching movies and plays so much they'll always
like watching them because they love watching being able because what you did was basically a
a way to watch someone as though you would watch them in a movie because if you watch a movie or a
play no one's ever gonna tell you to stop looking at them because it's it's a spectacle it's there
to be watched right and and if they're doing it right it's it's just playing truth and you get to
watch that truth and it's really very pleasant so it's I think it's the yeah it's that same thing
where you get to this because there's so little truth in media and media products that we watch
most of them are are untrue and false and shitty so if you get to see that truth in real life it's
like a play that's a really well done play a perfect play yeah perfect play perfectly acted
because when a person's being themselves they're being the greatest actor
of all time yeah exactly you're being right now you're the Daniel Day Lewis of Johnny Pemberton
I am I'm doing it the best you're doing Johnny Pemberton better than anyone could do a Johnny
Pemberton but see but this is the this leads to I was just talking to my friend about Kurt Cobain
okay and Kurt Cobain's suicide note oh I don't I haven't read it in forever I remember what it says
please read that drippy little thing but his suicide note yeah is one of his main problems
is that he feels like he's faking it on stage that's a big problem with a lot of artists
I read some article about Helena Bonham Carter and I don't I don't know what you feel about her but
I like her as a as an art as an actor yes and she says that she was saying that how she feels like
a fraud a lot of times yes I think that's I think that's how fucking everybody feels well that's
the thing because Kurt Cobain ostensibly the great bard of annihilation a punk a punk deeply
embedded in the truth singing the siren song of rebellion against the falseness of the world
getting paid to do it it's getting paid to do it but still let's just say that the money I don't
think getting paid is I it's okay to throw money at talent that's okay I think but but uh but
to me where his entire message really becomes convoluted is that he killed himself
because he began to experience real truth the truth before when he says I don't feel real anymore
I feel like I'm a fraud on stage yeah what he's actually experiencing is the
the true state of being human the true state of being human is to feel fraudulent and the
reason that you feel fraudulent is because your beingness is nothingness is the combination of
nothing being met with the awareness of the nothingness that's the root of all human beings
you've got the great white self-awareness board of of consciousness the white board of consciousness
and it's being met simultaneously with his sense of an awareness of the self and those two things
the awareness of the self mixed in with the self create an innately fraudulent thing because
everything that you do that isn't nothingness is essentially uh uh acting you're acting like
something all the time so anyway Kurt co fucking bane when he finally came to the realization of
what he really was yeah you're a goddamn fraud we're all frauds we're out here trying you're
acting like your name's johnny pemberton acting like my name's dunga trussell you act like those
are the clothes you wear yeah I like you pick those out you put on your costume I put on my
fucking costume but at the base of the fucking thing it's just this white board of nothingness
this great field of oblivion yeah a 440 an a 440 I don't know what that is it's the frequency of a
of this yeah there you go yeah you're just the ohm you're just this tone you're this
non-differentiated self that is unfortunately and a lot of people say this is a bad fucking
this is a catastrophe what to be that self-aware or the death of the tone or the death of the
nothingness or we're nothingness dying and the experience of nothingness dying is this
terrible predicament where we've got to march around this stupid planet for 60 years acting like
we're something yeah it's that that's a that's definitely a predicament it's a thing where
so yeah self-awareness is kind of horrible it's because it's it takes you out of the moment that's
what takes you away from being alive is being cognizant and so aware of what of who you are as
opposed to just just being being here now well that's the see this is why uh some some people
will say dude please just don't get into spirituality don't get into meditation don't get into this stuff
because it's gonna wake you up oh yeah it'll stop you from like doing stop you from making
lunch plans you're already doing it if you if you've managed to smack some fucking gold chains on
or if you've managed to like to really fucking adopt the identity that you're living like you're
just sure that's who you are oh yeah oh babe stay there yeah stay there stay in the zone how fun
you're just you you just you're just you're just this you you believe that for example like a lot
of people believe status quo you believe that you are important oh yeah oh how fun why am I not being
recognized uh why no i should be on that list excuse me oh so fun hey hey will you ask me to be there
so far to me um i i don't believe i was asked to be what this thing i'm surely you meant to
to invite me and put me on that list of select people but quite often it's the opposite it's
the opposite where you're like i just don't think they like me i think everyone hates me i don't think
anyone likes so bad it's not even that no one's noticing you yeah that's yep yeah so it's but
such a trap but such a trap oh it's a hoot especially with comedy too with comedy stuff
it's so easy to think about all that horrible shit well i mean it's so many evaluative scenarios and
it's just really gross well it's gross because you i mean like it's look for me for some reason
my mind always goes to goths like i think about how funny goths are because they're kind of like
dour and they wear these they wear black clothes and they wear these funny costumes and they just
really stick out yeah now i don't know if there's even goths anymore but there are but but uh coming
back but um in the same way when you run into like uh career comics you know what i mean like
people doing the career comedy thing yeah and they've like they like all hang out with each other
and they all um they all uh you know what i mean they all like
they all act in a particularly similar way style there's a style to it and it's like in the same
way oh you guys are goths like you're goths only the way that you're dressing and acting
is a different thing but it still is a very similar thing yeah and when you see rich people
and you'll notice that oh Jesus Christ these are fucking goths they're all acting weird they all
like they're all acting in the same goddamn way and it's a very it's a but but at the at the core
root of all these things it's just people who are um putting on who are acting like they're in drag
they're in drag for that particular show like that rich person thing especially that's a thing
where it's so it's never changed really it's it's just the styles have changed but basically
there's always been this thing where you have to be yeah you have to be a certain way if you're
wealthy to where it's not even doesn't matter how much money you have it matters how much
if you act like the people who have money button it down you button it down here's what you do
you button it down you go to Pilates you get your trainer you get ready for pilot season
you fire your agent you rehire an agent and you're out there and you're doing the thing
your car is clean you have to have a nice car it has to be clean it must be clean and uh
it must be it can't be old it has to be new that's something that uh I remember seeing some
documentary a while ago about class and how people people often and still today and probably always
will mistake racism for classism because classism is the true that's the true uh discriminatory
evaluative system it's not people people don't care like if you're if you're if you're black
and you're rich why racist white people will love you because like oh you're not you're black
which are not black you're you're rich you're one of us you understand the same things but
the only thing the nothing scares a rich person more than a poor person especially a poor white
person especially a happy especially a happy poor person oh yeah oh god nothing's gonna put a
fucking stick right in the eye of a rich person than getting around a real authentic uh christian
who's generally like somebody who's like figured out how to be completely happy has has abandoned
and I'm not talking about the kind that like fuck kids or the kind that like hey gay people
I'm talking about when you come to like that humble person who's just like yeah they're just
happy they're happy no matter what man they're not running around they're not like getting
their goddamn teeth tips whitened they're volunteering yeah volunteering they're not even
thinking about it they're not even it's fun they're not even thinking about they just did it yeah
it's a it's a it's a it's a spook show man and so the the uh the fraud the so that's what this
goddamn state of feeling like a fraud feeling like feeling that emptiness you should just be
you got to even get past that and just become the emptiness yeah be the uh the worst sometimes I
think about that I'm like oh I'm gonna try to do the worst job I can with something not be the worst
that's what it's a freeing thing if you do that sometimes it's a thing where uh it's not the worst
the emptiness I don't think it's the worst I I guess I mean more in the sense of uh if you strive
if you don't strive for something then that's um then you're in like a zen state because you're not
you're not trying to make it good not trying to do a good job you know I think what it is is
you strive in the zen state so what I mean is instead of being like completely ego based
right complete instead of being the costume you know it's like okay look we didn't get invited
to this fucking kids party something happened where a vagina shot us into a wardrobe area called our
family they wore wardrobe area yeah so we got wardrobe by our family and the wardrobe didn't
just consist of the clothes that they put on us the wardrobe consisted of the internal costume
that they injected into us and then now we're this kids party where everyone's supposed to
dress up like themselves and so now we're all wearing these stupid fucking clothes dressed up
like ourselves and it's like it's when people start arguing over their costumes and judging
other people's costumes based on the costume they're wearing that's where things get weird I
guess I'm doing the same thing I'm being judgmental but it's it's uh I wear a fucking costume I wear a
I got a fucking personality I put on a show I spray up fucking tail feathers I do a little
dance around this goddamn dimension acting like something but we're all stuck in it it's different
though if you're if you're not aware of it and you're not like realizing like what you're doing I
think it's different and both are fine in fact it's better god damn it you if you're out there
selling cars and dressed in an awesome outfit and happy with your life and you fight over your
sports teams and fucking do it's great not in a condescending way either yeah it's you're healthier
than than people who are like a tooth half hanging out of the mouth of god just with a little nerve
ending that's kind of getting blistered by everything can't go in can't fall out right
that's why I always get jealous of hillbillies I always wanted to be a hillbilly
would that be great to be like just like the semi-ignorant hick and just really something
about that I just really think that'd be I would be fun because I always think of whenever I
I do this this character once in a while it's like a redneck guy and it's like a thing where
it feels so good to do that character because I feel like there's no there's nothing I don't
know how to answer because I know I know the truth of everything in that character's life and so
everything is everything's easy it's like so simple because you just know let's go back to honesty I
suppose because it's about because if you're playing a character that character has no repercussions
for being honest because it's a character you're obviously doing a character it's a joke yeah so
you can be as honest as you want because it's not you and that's why I think yeah I really
happy people are people who are the same as some character because there's there is no answer that
they can't there's no wrong answer to anything because there's always speaking from a place of
truth yeah I don't it's hard to be truthful with yourself I'm you know what it is man both here's
both just both sides are just oblivion it's like either you're like acting like a thing
yeah you're nothingness acting like a somethingness to the point where you're completely unaware of
the nothingness that's acting like a somethingness or you're somethingness that's become aware of
the fact that you're nothingness sort of merging back down into the nothingness but either way
it's oblivion it's just you're nothing it's all shit it's not shit it's not shit I just wanted to
say that but it that it that does sound depressing when you hear oblivion it sounds awful when you
hear annihilation it sounds awful but really it's just thinking of something so grand that it's
non-cons you can't conceptualize it right it's it's everything everything at this it's all the same
it's the place where everything becomes so profoundly incredible that it becomes
incomprehensible that's all and it's like that incomprehensible place is what we really are
right because it when you have that when you have those moments of that
when you when you sense that somebody's I feel like it's it's like a fleeting thing but when you
do sense it it's a thing where I don't know I think it I say the word hopeless but I think
I hopeless in like a good sense the sense where it's like you are so hopeless and so powerless to
the to everything that you are it's like the best and the worst at the same time it's everything
because you realize for a second or somehow you come to understand that the nothingness and the
complete complete hopelessness of whatever it is that you think you are and that's that's so freeing
and so amazing because you're like oh this is this massive beyond all measure and you're just
you're just some little blip gone beyond gone beyond gone beyond the going what is that I had
some kind of buddhist thing yeah some kind of buddhist shit some kind of buddha butter well that's
the that I was just listening to this awesome tick not on youtube video you see a yogi he's a he's
buddhist monk okay and he was saying like you know buddha you see buddha in the present moment
like you can still experience buddha buddha exists in the moment buddha never left buddha
buddha's enlightenment was this thing where it blasted out a repetitive it's sort of like
injected the essence of that being into the present moment perpetually and eternally because
really that's all you are anyway it's like what happened with buddhism was when a human being
their ego like actually did crack off disappeared it disappeared vaporized but they were still alive
yeah it was like buddha was probably like the first contact with in it one of the first contacts
with an alien thinks that because how that was siddhartha how that's how long ago was that 2000
bc or something I don't even know the dates right now I'm not sure yeah that's a great question yeah
well I mean they say he incarnated a bunch of different times right like sometimes he was a
cricket that did something really sweet oh it's weird shit sometimes he's a bird but it was like
all these different incarnations and in every incarnation it was like getting closer and
closer to this final like blast where the whole thing gets cracked open this way is shown the
pathway forward for humanity to like get out of this goddamn silly phase that we're in right now
was revealed and it took a lot of different incarnations to get to that place so he's he's
there he's he made it well I mean I don't know he made it I don't have a he made it he made it
buddha he did it I do fucking made it he booked half hour there's no way to think about that in
context of uh that's such a funny thing too god I suppose that was a horn oh there's a horn a good
old horn yeah he made it dude he made it he fucking hit the hit he fucking struck the bell he struck
the bell yeah I don't know man I you know I like I I don't I don't really understand any of that
stuff but the the older that I get the more it seems like all all that stuff that they say is
completely right on what stuff the who says well the whole idea of like going into a state of
blissful non-desire abandoning everything that's it sacrificing your future permanently obliterating
your future with no regard for result annihilating your future evaporating your past yeah then that
when you think about evaporating your past like really sacrificing your past oh shit yeah that's
a big thing give up your mom give up your dad give up your friends give up everything from
record collection everything's gone everything's gone and in the future give up your hopes give
up your dreams expect nothing give up your expectations yeah give up what you think it's
going to be a result of this thing yeah and then then what do you got your freedom then you become
something else but you're not you anymore I'm just asking you to take off your fucking kids party
costume and show me a dick maybe the maybe the Buddha was just molesting humanity take your clothes
hey it doesn't matter if you're naked here it's fine don't worry about it yeah no seriously it's
good you can keep your clothes on take it off you can also take them off take it off it is warm in
here isn't it it's warm it's warm and it's hot in this dimension let's take our egos off and show
each other what's that what's that you have there looks like a star oh Jesus Christ man where did
this podcast go take a break fuck yeah this did any of this make sense what we just said
it doesn't matter all right yeah it doesn't
do you think it'd be weird to be the first person to have an orgasm on a podcast
I think it's got it has to have been done right there's so many porn stars who've oh yeah like yeah
podcasting yeah I'm a porn star I guess what I'm gonna shock you hey look out world I'm a
porn star yeah I said it mom yeah I guess what yeah I guess what I'm not a stupid I'm not a stupid
b I'm a porn star and I like to go to book guess what I'm gonna shock you I like to go to bookstores
more than I like to go to porn stars what but I'm a porn star what I'll suck your dick right now
but guess what I won't suck it I'm a porn star I thought you would I love that shit the porn
it's like the the let me shock you with how non-shocking I am but still being a porn star I just
you know I'm just like anybody else I like to eat soup I love I love soup I also left second a big
double oh give me a juicy double mac christ hey you know what's interesting man there's also
sometimes behind porn stars the same kind of anger that's behind like super ambitious people
I'm sure I'm sure like in that shock thing like no I just love to suck cocks ah guess what not all
porn stars by the way no but just I know cool I know actually a super cool I'm sure you do
they have to be out there but I guess I'm just sort of sick of the the new thing now where it's like
hey porn is cool man it's like it's totally um it's like hip to be this is so funny you're saying
this flaunting it because my my the the next guest that I have on the podcast is Sam Tripoli right
who has a podcast dedicated to porn or mostly porn there you go so we're gonna get into porn
we're gonna talk a lot about porn porn stars I'm my opinion my opinion on porn is uh
is that it's so overpowering I'm not it is it's pretty fucking amazing that we have that
like it's such a new thing really if you think about it it makes me feel like I'm a cow and a
farmer and I'm just milking myself oh god it makes you know what I mean it makes you feel kind of
trapped what do you mean because it's just so available yeah it's just available whenever you
find yourself jerking off the porn it's just always this like there's never ever that I can
think of a time when I'm jerking off the porn where I'm like yeah this is exactly what I want to be
doing yeah it's always like a means to an end or something it just is this numb blankness it's just
like uh here we go fucking jerking off the porn some people some people have successfully
not looked at porn anymore at least they claim to which I think is interesting that would be so
hard to do I wonder if I could do that I guess I could do that maybe I'll try 30 days 40 Morgan
Spurlock 30 days no porn 30 days no porn and just McDonald's ah god damn it see where we're at
man that's what I'm saying this is the neolithic period we're still in some dumb ass part of human
existence where that's what we're obsessed with but we're like we're so young we are very very young
as a species yeah think about sharks think about fucking sharks man yeah sharks um they're really
old haven't changed at all yeah sharks probably used to all they used to do is look at porn yeah
there was the porn parade of sharks which was uh there's some fossilized evidence of uh
sharks masturbating to trilobites doing sea sprays that's all they do is jerk off the starfish
and then once they got their rows of teeth they moved beyond to eating them just to going down and
just consuming all things just these um there's just great this how did sharks get so fucking lucky
I don't know man we don't I mean I think it just almost things where it's a good design and it just
stuck it's like how uh tube tube tube with teeth they're like helvetica they're helvetica the animal
aren't they isn't the idea with sharks is that they've barely evolved from haven't changed at all
they haven't just they're that's just it yep they haven't changed they're they're fucking crazy no
I'm fine I'll just be an underwater teeth tube I'll just eat everything all the time and not sleep
why do I I don't need a car thank you nope I'm fine I have this uh rocket kill tube I that is me
I don't need yeah I don't I don't don't need an elevator no don't need a watch don't need no
out of there to change this just need the front of me to have a shillow to razor sharp knives in
the front that I keep open as I swim through the sea eating everything eating everything without
regard to what it is there's something there's this really great zine that um
nick johnson the guy who wrote big dead place put out called shark fear and awareness you can get
it on amazon it's so so so funny it's the funniest thing you've ever read because he's basically just
talking about a whole thing is about how sharks are the worst how they're they're horrible and they
should be feared I mean it's all a big joke but it's just it's so fucking funny the way he talks
about sharks in the same way we're talking about it you know Hemingway when he went fishing he used
to have a machine gun he did on his boat that he would shoot sharks with as he was fishing god what
an asshole well no because they were going for his food when he was reeling he would reel fishing
that was a problem like when you would reel fish in the sharks would like bite the fish he caught
one of the biggest fish in like a world record size fish that got half eaten up by sharks that
he tried to shoot with machine guns machine guns people hate sharks man they really hate them it's
so why would you look I mean there there are it's very hard for me to like a shark I don't know I
think I feel like I wouldn't want to go to coffee with one they have a very distinctive play it
doesn't want to go to coffee with you if that's for sure no shit it has no desire for coffee maybe
like a coffee of blood it's just that oh would you care for a blood coffee sure it's just that
look in his shark's eyes yeah it's that glazed over the terror look the terror of uh of just death
it's the same look Ron Jeremy has what they are they are gods they're like god's black angels the
sharks they're there to do the um what was that it's the only good quote from um god's black
angels god that's the only good quote from that a newborn movie or uh what's his name what's the
guys I can't think of actors names anymore I do this he's the guy he's a skinny guy he was in the
movie the racist one he's uh gained a lot of weight he's uh he was in that other Spike Lee movie
he's a white guy he plays like serial killers he was in I don't know oh come on you know his name
brother I can barely remember my aunt's fucking a uh fight club what's Brad Pitt in Edward Norton
yes Edward Norton says to he says uh we are the sin eaters I was like oh that makes sense it's kind
of makes kind of makes sense you do you do the bad things and you you eat the sin you consume it so
it doesn't have to poison other people's perfect realities I think sharks are the sin eaters of
the world sharks are the black holes of the sea yeah they eat the sin they do the bad they do all
the bad yeah eating fish isn't really sin maybe it's not maybe uh spiders are the are the sin eaters
I don't I mean eating spiders is more evil than spiders eating bugs yeah I think killing spiders
rampantly is pretty evil I do too I try never to kill a spider what do you got here okay this is
this thing okay so I picked up this um this is a little thing called radical mycology I just read
this last night it's an slf primer it's from the spore liberation front which is a group of people
dedicated to the proliferation of mushrooms what's their website let's see here it's um
it's slf I think it's something oh it's not in there what they did you can find it these goddamn
anarchists print your fucking website on your goddamn z just use the internet a sport liberation
front it's there so I read this last night it's totally blew my mind um so fucking I just lost the page
this is from a zine convention that johnny went to yeah john johnny's girlfriend is a very talented
visual artist and she puts out really cool zines and so johnny went to a zine
check out supersecretpowwow.com okay so here I'll just read it here uh the oldest mushroom found
the oldest known mushroom found in amber has been dated over over 90 million years old mycologist
tom volk theorizes that millions of years ago trees developed cellulose and lignin to protect
themselves against fungi that were consuming them as time progressed mushrooms evolved so that they
can now decompose these components but all the vegetation that died in the interim just piled
up got compressed and after millions of years became fossil fuels this is why the earth will never
produce oil or fossil fuels again because mushrooms will forever on decompose living matter
fucking blew my mind off isn't that fucking crazy yeah Jesus Christ mushrooms can do they
can do everything they can eat um we talked about this before but how that guy paul stamets talks
about how the they're just a matter of time before mushrooms can evolve to deep they can decompose
any substance any toxic toxic substance it's just a matter of time before mushrooms learn
to eat that and spit out nutrients that they can eat themselves that's fucking crazy they're
they're more advanced than us well they uh they i was also reading about this and they talk about
this in the same thing about how mushrooms are closer to animals than they are to plants because
they don't plants produce their own food through photosynthesis mushrooms don't they eat their
hunters they consume yeah they spread out and they consume uh they consume their fuel they consume
it like we do this is the thing that that was on reddit about slime molds okay yeah same sort of
they don't have a brain but if you put a slime mold if you put a slime mold into a maze where at
the end of the maze is food the slime mold will send throughout the every possible pathway in the
maze tendrils and it will take the fastest finally it will find the fastest way from point a to point
b point b being the food and it will withdraw all the tendrils that aren't the fastest way and just
go the fastest way down into the food yeah that reminds me of um creep oh you mean are you talking
about starcraft i am it reminds me of creep it is like creep yeah i think that is supposed to be
fungus it is because that those are neural networks they're exactly the same as any network neural
networks and that's the other thing is that so the the they took maps of london and of and of
tokyo and they put food where all the subway stops are and the slime molds the pathways based on the
geography that they took were almost identical to the subway paths to the road maps and so the
point of the article is these things don't have a brain but they're still doing things that humans
are doing with brain because humans are so smart we're so smart we're so great humans have created
such great incredible things it would never get created otherwise we're such we're so good we
should pat ourselves in the back good job humans oh we're so good oh we do such a good job at everything
we're so good is this yeah is a species we are so fucking hung up on ourselves oh god man
that's yeah we are so deeply deeply hung up on how great humans are we're just the fucking best
oh if like oh what would how many a human died kill them all let me let me ask you this can you do
this as an acting exercise isn't it isn't fair asking you last second okay but i want to interview you
as though you are every human on earth combined into one being is the ego of the planet okay that's
that's a that's a pretty interesting task so i'm the ego of the planet huh you you represent our
species well who are you hi everybody this is dunca trussell welcome to the dunca trussell family
hour today i'm going to be interviewing the entire human species hello embodied in one being
hey how's it what's up hello hi thank you so much for coming on the show how so what's it like
what do you have for me i know i want tea oh uh is there more can i have more please
yeah i'll get some more oh great how much do you have i have uh i don't know like five bags
okay i'll have all of it thank you can you make it please thank you i'll have all of it
then we can begin you're a shark i'll have all of it please you just are a consuming thing i'll
have all of it that's it huh that's your idea of the species i think so i think it's like a
combination of i'll have all of it but acting also like i mean you have to you what you just
created was kind of like a a black a black eyed alien being that's just like i only devour
i think there's another side to it which is like manipulative or something right okay sort of
conniving like a trickster yeah like Loki yeah like Loki the trickster yeah i think the species is
just very puffed up right now mm-hmm oh yeah we're pretty high on ourselves that's why that meteor
was such a great yeah like oh ups get it yeah i watched on something on flocks news there's a clip
and the woman after she after she closed it off she said oh oh my hope no one got hurt that's the
last thing she said i was like an idiot you just finished how saying thousands of people were injured
and well hope no one got hurt i love man there there's just something about that that's so nice
it's like you know it's like when the best it's like when there's like a terrible rainstorm or
anything like that any force of nature or it's like when you're watching the people's court
and you've got some really puffed up teen who obviously did some stupid thing to someone
else's property and they get smacked down by a wopner it was like that's what happened to the
entire species you get this puffed up teenage species it's like we're we're so fucking great
we're gonna kill each other instead of focusing on interstellar travel we're gonna spend all our
money on weapons fighting over imaginary religions because that's how fucking that's there's just
plenty of us to go around could have been tomorrow's 50 years ago nah let's fight each other
let's blow each other up then all of a sudden one very very tiny tiny little little rock from space
comes plunging down shatters glass a nuclear explosion there's that one moment where it's
like oh fuck what are we doing again wait what are we doing yeah grammies yeah what are we
wait she got the Grammy that's that is she got robbed she got robbed i can't believe that bang
that's explosion of the fucking thing boom it's the window shattering that stunned jump is everyone
like its body disjolted by the impact wave of a thing that's probably traveled billions of miles
who the fuck knows oh it's been traveling for all of time all of time all of time that some piece of
that has been moving yeah it's it's ancient aliens if aliens really wanted to send humanity a message
that's the message yep it's not like be kind to each other it's not love each other it's a mid-sized
meteor that causes thousands of people to get injured by the glass shattering in their face
and the real in the that's the that's the what we got was a fucking we just got like a finger we
got a letter from the Intergalactic Council inviting us to join the rest of space and the letter is
like check it out motherfuckers you guys are so so exposed exposed and was like your heads down
looking at like something right in front of each other yeah you're just looking at each other
sculpting each other drawing each other acting like each other fucking each other obsessed with
each other do that after you build the meteor shields you dopes yeah it's like it's like watching
someone you we're seeing somebody do this really like puffed up silly self-absorbed dance in front
of a firing squad yeah yeah just well just a matter of time it is just a matter of time
just a matter of time doing period pirouettes so soliloquies there's something sweet about that
that's gonna just get little it's a candle that's burning it's a meta it's a lot of metaphor we got
to go back look if you want to kill each other fine but first build the meteor shields I think
that would be possible I think we're starting to work on the iron curtain well we should build it
over Israel because they've already had they already have the iron dome right they have the
iron dome yeah so they just expand the iron dome I love that name the iron dome there's just no
way to stop it I just want some more iron I think maybe like an iron cage around the earth
a giant like literal iron cage around the earth just like yeah like one of like the
just a black yeah kind of intricate cage with like a haliburton logo on each each pull no way out
no way out no way in don't worry about we're good we're good we're fine we're fine get back to
killing each other yep that's what it sounds like all right Pember Pemby gotta wrap it up trusty
that's great you have an amazing fucking podcast yeah it's getting really good this last episode
is I'm very proud of it where can people find your podcast find it on the feral audio network of
which you are a part of I am a part of feral it's called twisting the wind and you can listen to it
feralaudio.com you can go to iTunes you can go to iTunes to download it you can follow Johnny
Pemberton on Twitter yeah it's just my name you can check out some I did some good a really good
phone call with this a Nigerian scammer a few episodes ago that's a muscle did you hear that yet
no you gotta hear it it's great I it's great this guy he he he did not like me they get mad
they get mad because I was saying something that sort of contradicted his worldview what was that
that I was going to use the money that I was not going to get from him to buy a helicopter gun
ship to take over another country what do you say he just got mad he also he also got mad when I
said I don't believe in God where is this I've got to hear this it's on the episode uh with J.K.
Simmons uh so wait this is an Ethiopian scammer no it's a Nigerian a Nigerian scanner mad at you
because you're an atheist well yeah I'm mad and I also asked if I could sleep with him too
because I wanted to know if I could share the secret of the money with him send me a clip and I'll
play it right now I'll send you the clip I'll play just the clip and then people can go listen to
the rest sounds good all right we're out of here guys listen to Johnny Pemberton's podcast
hearty christening God bless you bye Duncan say bye Johnny thanks for having me okay guys that was
Johnny Pemberton if you enjoy this podcast why not go leave a comment or a star four star review
for us at iTunes uh all right here I just discovered this song and I really love it this song is
called On The Ropes and it's by the Eels and uh it's uh it's from their uh it's from their
album Wonderful Glorious I think it's a great song I think they're awesome bye
you
every time I find myself in this old bind watching the death of my hopes
in the ring so long gonna prove I'm wrong I'm not knocked out but I'm on the ropes
I've got enough fight left inside this tired heart to win this one and walk out on my feet
no retreat I may never get everything I bet but I'm a man who always copes
I'm hurting bad and fighting mad I'm not knocked out but I'm on the ropes
everything that I hold near and dear to me is riding on this moment here and now I know how
so
I've got enough fight left inside this tired heart to win this one and walk out on my feet
no defeat
gonna feel so good when it's understood behold the rebirth of my hopes
in the ring so long gotta prove I'm wrong I'm not knocked out but I'm on the ropes
so
you