Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: June 23, 2017

A sermon on the story of Jesus and the pig-demons followed by a joyful backflip into the honey flavored ocean of Johnny Pemberton's beautiful mind.

was because it actually is or so hey everybody it's me Duncan trestle you are listening to the Duncan trestle family hour podcast the Duncan trestle fucking damn you gotta leave that in you have to leave that in this microphone fell off the shut up god damn it i don't need a the heckler in my podcast symphony area hey what are you gonna do about it we're uh brought to you by sure design t-shirts you can go to sure design t-shirts dot com get ten percent off a t-shirt we're also brought to you by amazon dot com you know you you can buy anything from amazon you can buy garden hoses butt plugs

chanting mallas your school textbooks the uh precursors for most uh drugs like crystal meth or dmt egg precursors which are chickens you can buy cats cat toys cat dj booths and shardonnay chardonnays and delicious uh you can even buy inhalants um so if you're gonna buy one of these things from amazon dot com go through our portal would you they give us a percentage it's a way for you to support the podcast without having to pay any money at all because you're already gonna buy this stuff i don't even know why amazon does this i'm not really sure what they gain from it because everyone knows that amazon exists but if you're gonna buy those dehydrated grapes for your fallout shelter or you just want to get some kind of french tickler or cock ring

cock rings are great johnny don't look at me like that if you want to have you ever used a cock ring johnny yeah really yeah they're fucking awesome you strap one of those things on your dicks like a it's like a catching water in a water balloon i don't think it was awesome it was uh fun i think it's very fun it's fun to smack some cock rings on and go deep into the whole of perversion and vileness that so many people in the world think is evil because it is it's bad you think sex is evil johnny yeah it's really bad i think it's something that i'm getting better at stopping doing hold on yeah hold on i gotta stop this i don't know i for some reason i don't don't hold on guys what you by the way what you're yeah you do a check right now that might

shout cast no that's work guys here's what you're hearing what you're hearing is me for the first time trying to do advertisements with a guest in the room instead of spending three obsessive days trying to do an opening monologue which is why these podcasts don't come out quickly lately same with me mildly depressed and i'm sick of sitting in front of a microphone in my fucking office trying to say something inspirational i can't think of that all the time and i in fact i can't think even saying anything as hard so here it is quick opening thing there amazon i said it short design t-shirts i said it um gunt craries excuse them what yeah that's the other sponsor brought you by gunt gunt cherries when you need a blasting from the jest pick up a gunt the sweet

voice that you're hearing is my dear dear friend johnny pemberton and man i fucking love this guy he's the one who comes over to my house when i'm bummed out he's the one who soothes me a true friend johnny pemberton welcome thanks welcome here welcome to be it's pretty good this mic sound great really happy they do sound good huh touch your dog they do sound good mic sound good and um johnny uh tell me exactly what happened to you yesterday because i'm so proud of your story yeah oh this i mean i feel like this is a story that's uh to me is kind of boring but i guess the fact that it's boring is why it's sort of badass isn't it i think it's badass okay well so occasionally i'll go on a commercial audition because why not it's free practice you're a hard

worker man because i went like when somebody if i by the way i don't go on commercial auditions anymore but every if someone called me and i if i knew i had a commercial audition next week i would already be getting depressed about that well i feel that same way now for the most part the only reason i went to this one is because it wasn't in Santa Monica which means it's 10 hours 10 you know miles away and i was also just like why not because it's just good to you know it's like a thing where if you play a basketball for a living and you don't play basketball every day you should probably change that because it's good to pick up the basketball at least every day even if it's something where it sucks and it's just a practice thing i sometimes i think doing stuff just to do

it because if you want if that's what you wanted to be doing all the time you should be doing it all the time yes the shitty shitty shitty version of what you want to do yes i'll go to this fucking thing whatever it's not for it's for a product that i don't really care about and it's not doesn't directly conflict with me morally which would be i would say no instantly right so it wasn't like for hella burton or mon santa it wasn't for that um so i go there and i walk into the place and you know it's like the standard shithouse place where it's just uh frosted glass doors and narrow hallways with a bunch of idiots who look vaguely similar to me with their hands and the head in their lap reading something how long was the drive to the place it was not that it was like

west hollywood which is still terrible how long was the drive probably took me about 25 minutes all right 25 minute drive through traffic to get to a place with frosted doors to read um something from a sheet do you remember what the lines were no because i didn't get a chance to look at them because of what happened okay so i am uh before you go on now you guys have to understand those of you who've never gone on a commercial audition it's terrible there is as far as i'm aware of there are very few things as demeaning is going on a commercial audition this is like jumping backwards through time to another unregulated era where you had to bow to people absolutely there's no it's like there's babies some places there's like babies running around

parrots on the floor i almost stepped on a parrot once at a commercial audition no joke and there's one of like 12 parrots that was there please please pick my parrot yes you so you go into these rooms and you you are you're you're so depending on like in LA there are like warehouses or commercial auditioning factories oh it is it's like a fucking because they have like big numbers on the doors like room four yes for checking in room for 16 through 29 step up yes yes no you got to go back to room 10 this is this is jack fruits commercial yes you want to be over at Duracell it's room 10 now now these you have to understand what you do when you come to a commercial audition is it you are also surrounded by a spectrum of humans that you are somehow in

because someone who was in a hurry got your head shot or looked through a bunch of head shots was like him him him him him him him him him her or like the or the robot did it where it's like you have you have a beard you're this age you're this ethnicity and you've done this so it's like you get sorted into the pile of people who are on some some demographic the same as you know demeaning you're in a you're in this strange waiting room surrounded by other people who are all equally they're in varying levels of anxiety and desperation because many of them are and I was one of these at one point operating under the illusion that if I could just book one man yeah just one oh yeah I'll finally be I'll be able to fill my gas tank up all the way instead of halfway

when I go to the gas station so there's varying degrees of anxiety and you're also faced with this kind of uh unavoidable truth that you are auditioning to be the mouthpiece for a corporation right and that doesn't necessarily feel wonderful yeah you're you're succumbing you're you're um you're giving up your will or there's some sort of better way to say it but you're basically you're checking your ego at the door and yes you checked your ego that you got to and and also there's a factor of supply and demand here because the sea of actors the invisible ocean of actors that flows through Hollywood it does not all you got to do is open up the fucking turn on that faucet and actors will come pouring into any room that you want I could go on craigslist and have 50

actors in my backyard in three hours yeah like that they just come they don't care so it's a supply and demand thing whenever there's more there's a huge demand and a limited supply the people in control of the supply which is the job they're in control they are in control now go on they know it they know they're in control too and it creates this sense of entitlement and uh power that I think is not really there for the most part so which leads into what the to the event so I go in there right and it's like a sometimes there's no explanation sometimes there's like a big like oh so this is this this is that you're this say this like there's a whole rigmarole which is totally unnecessary for the most part because really they don't give a fuck about what you say it's more

just like oh yeah that's that's the look of the guy that's him like yes for the most part for almost nine percent of the time there's almost nothing you can do or can't nothing nothing you could do to hurt your chances as much as you could to help them as long as you're just competent and friendly and slightly understand but so it's very similar to going to a place writing your info on the back of your business card and dropping it in a roller it's going to get rolled and one person's name is going to get pulled out of the car right it's just as random except there is something they're picking it for a reason but it's a reason that you don't have any control over for the most I took a commercial acting class brother did yes I did yes I did Stuart Robinson's commercial

acting class where he teaches you the importance of the slate the slate the slate that's such a big deal it's like the biggest thing like how to slate how to slate if for you guys who don't know what the slate is is when you it's it's when you've been marched into this sterile room with a bored asshole operating the camera and you have like two lines that you've just driven maybe 30 minutes maybe an hour to come and read the slate is your one chance to show that spark so that's where you do it man that slate that's where you get their attention by saying something clever or funny so hi this is uh head back up to you this is Johnny Pemberton uh age yeah this and over 18 and here we go yes oh too much too much um just just do it normal yeah and then they'll

say turn it profiles so you have to turn to your left and turn to your right to show them the sides of your head also if you're doing a commercial that involves food they want to see your hands so you don't have hideous hands if you're holding a product yeah I did a an apple commercial once and they gave me a manicure beforehand wow never aired though I think I'm probably breach and deep breach of contract by even saying that but it doesn't matter so there you so I hopefully I've set up the climate of a commercial audition for you guys so you can understand how special this event that happened to Johnny is to go on what happened so I walk in there and she had and the casting associate is sitting there in a stool next and a little table next to the door to the room and it

has the sign-in sheet and I sign in and she she's in the midst of talking with some guy very loudly about like oh yeah Omaha yeah I know a guy when we work there and then oh you know this and yeah well I was there for a couple years back when this happened it's just you know standard yeah drivel conversation yes I'm sure he had initiated because he wanted to like yeah oh uh Megan yeah she knows me you know some some bullshit like this was an actor talking to an actor talking to the associate because it's like he wants to get in her favor I'm sure at the very least it's just small talk he's making this is unnecessary small talk because he wants to whatever I don't even know maybe not but either way that's going on she pauses their conversation and explains the stuff to me

which didn't make any sense I'm like I'll just look at it in the packet here look at the packet so I walk I take the pack from her they resume their conversation and walk over and I see a guy some guy taps in the shoulder I'm like oh hey it's a guy I did about a year and a half ago at the last commercial I did um which was like I said this is gonna be the last one I ever do yeah and hated it so yeah uh he was a he was the guy who did the commercial with nice nice young uh guy actor comedian good guy you know not good not bad good person though you know um and he's like oh he has how's it going it's you know it's me remember my name like oh yeah I'm good and I'm just looking at looking at the thing I'm like oh so um what's what's been up and stuff and all of a sudden

like I hear like something to my left someone's talking to me and then he also recognizes as well so I turn over and she says to me to us she says I said stop talking no more talking you understand me and I'm like um well that's weird because she was just talking much louder than we were and so I figured it was okay to talk right and we were talking very quietly very very minimal talking wasn't like real like oh buddy oh cool haha wasn't that you're not in a theater no you're not in a movie theater I have a very you're in a waiting room I have a very very low voice you're in a waiting room talking because the person running the audition is talking right well she's not running the audition she's running the waiting room she's running the waiting room

so the the lady's running the waiting room she's just been yapping right you begin talking and she says to you she says that to stop talking but she said it so she's already said it and we didn't hear it because we were talking like you're in the fourth grade exactly and so I turn around I'm like oh that's I'm just a little surprised I'm like okay I understand that they're talking too loud but I was like what I said was um oh I figured it was okay because you guys were also talking that's exactly what I said yeah point it out the truth right and then this that gangly dude who was talking to the casting associate says to me whoa that's a good way to talk to casting oh very sarcastically like like I just burned a bridge baby I just burned my chance I just shot

my I just cut clip my wings now let me stop you there I want to stop you there now you guys have to understand that in that fascism rears its ugly head in all forms of life fascism is a societal structure that pops up everywhere it doesn't just pop up in the government it pops up where there is limited supply someone in control of that supply and another person who rather than freeing themselves to find their own supply has decided to stroke the cock or pussy of the thing in control of the supply these are the dwarfs of satan these are the pigs snuffling at the feet of power and they are everywhere you'll find them in the classroom you'll find them at your office and goddamn you will find them in the stinking sterile office

of Hollywood commercial casting we find them everywhere because people are they're frightened because a lot of times people in that position don't really have much of a personal voice so for them this is this is their life and so they have to be they're very they told the line they played by the rules because it's like what else what else would i do casting in in Hollywood traditional Hollywood casting is very similar to the priest class in some archaic religion that's good that's good so here you have essentially a low-level cleric in the temple of money and this pig disciple has recognized a blasphemy has happened i spoke back oh that is no way to speak with a priest how do you wish to carry his favor into the next world if you speak to the priest there's such

you'll be thrown out of the temple why why did you see that did you see what this man just said he just spanked back forth into the face of a cleric yes oh how dare such insolence yes and on on a tuesday yes yes this is this is no different than game of thrones and one of the that shitty old man who sits next to joffrey but that's the thing about the whole situation is that what angrily wasn't her telling me to be quiet like i couldn't understand that and of course i can because it's you're not supposed to talk loud outside the room and what i said and what i said was a little smart aleigh but also who cares right yes what got me what really teed me up was this guy you know doing like what we just said saying that to me uh to try to make himself look better and i

was just like i just something i didn't think at all i didn't it was one of those things where i really didn't stop to think about it i was just like no this is not worth it this is just like i'm feeling bad all the way over there i'm just like this is stupid it's dumb so i just took that script i didn't throw it i just dropped it on the ground i looked at him i said fuck you guys i just walked out casually and got in my car and drove home glory very very casual glory oh glory fucking glory you guys there is an opportunity for rebellion at every level of society and anytime you throw that fucking script down and tell a goddamn fascist piece of shit to fuck off you win not just for yourself but for all of us a little bit anytime we push

back against that kind of bullshit power it look if you want someone to be quiet you know what you say to them i'm really sorry i i do you guys mind keeping it down if you want to talk can you go outside right and then if you say oh i'm sorry i saw you talking you'd be like yeah i know i'm sorry i should be quiet that's what you say why because it's a human that's why it's a human who's doing a job who's given their time to you you gave your time to them right and uh you're not a fucking you're not some kind of street urchin trying to get a job in a coal factory you're a fucking actor you go to you've trained you're a trained goddamn actor in this piece of fucking shit mantis demon a mantis who's positioned herself as all the demons do at any kind of door they

always position themselves the doorways that's inevitably they always get right by the door and that is where they wield their power because it's the only place in the life in their life they can't wield power oh yeah it's definitely this is like pervasive throughout the whole like uh lower tier casting community is that there's this thing where you've given someone uh a sort of a position of power of some power but what happens is is because they have that authority like it's a small authority all the people around them are so they are constantly fawning and very uh they defer to them constantly like this guy did and so it bolts it brings them up even more to even a greater false sense of purpose when really there's nothing happening

there at all like you're not doing anything it corrupts them and and and look this is why i want to talk with you about this not just because it's such a victoria's interesting story because in a very small sway it represents the difference between um uh you you know real journalists for example exactly yeah because the because there's real journalists like glenn greenwald there's real journalists and then there's these weird fake journalists like the guy for time magazine you know the guy works for time magazine who tweeted i can't wait to write a story explaining you know congratulation i can't remember what you put up it's basically calling for the drone strike on julie and assange what yeah that's called an establishment journalist oh god i didn't know

about that but but so for fascism to exist you you don't you need a few things you need a mouthpiece you need a mouthpiece but you need lap dogs you need people who allow the tyrannical behavior to go on right because because guaranteed man that whoever that tramp is or idiot is who said that fucking thing to you she's gonna think about it the next time that she says things to people she might still act that way right but you put a little burr in her side and enough if we put enough burrs in the side of these bridge trolls then they'll stop i think and i think the ironic thing with that is that for the most part things that people tend to book as actors and uh it tends to be when they go against the grain a little bit yes when you surprise someone who like let's say you're actually

like in front of an actual casting director and maybe you are not um i don't mean to be like trying to think how to say this but it's something where you're you're pushing back a little bit and you're not you're not just fawning trying to you're you're you're an individual and you present yourself in a situation where it's not like it's not so much that you need them they need you and you have to remember that they need you more than you need them praise god let me tell you something friends if you're an actor in hollywood you're like a flea on a dog and there's a lot of fleas on that fucking dog there's a lot of fleas on that dog and there's nice little meaty places where there's more blood to suck and those fleas try to fight for that one place the brave fleas

are the ones who realize that there's a lot more dog than these actors think there's a lot of other places to go to suck that sweet red and you don't have to just do it in the clustered around these places right but the way that the system works right now is they've got us all fucking convinced that there's only a few arteries to get the energy from right yeah what's the stat it's the same as like journalism or anything else there's a status quo and it's so deeply entrenched that it's hard to uh unless you really step back and look at it it's hard to do anything other other than what is already there well man i mean i think i don't know i i don't know i you know i don't want to be the fucking pied piper a hamlin here and lead people into a into a side of a mountain if you

are familiar with the i'm sorry for the spoiler for the pi pi piper hamlin you know the story of the pi piper hamlin i know i think i know it right i don't think i've read it and since i was a kid right basically the story the pied piper is they get this guy to play the flute to lead the rats into a river having a rat play yeah and he comes in plays the flute and yeah and the rats follow him into a river and then he plays the flute again and leads all the kids from the village into the side of a mountain that's the story of the pied piper hamlin it's a really eerie ending why do you do it who the fuck knows man he's gonna chop up those kids why why did he do it no one knows why the pied piper hamlin did it but there are probably nothing good happened inside that mountain we'll

never know maybe there was a paradise for kids in there but i've been feeling it's a sausage shop on the other side of that mountain sausage shop it's a kid sausage so i don't want to lead people into a grinder but i'm telling you man this whole thing about having to have a boss you know the boss fixation yeah everyone's hooked on a boss and a leader these days it's like what the fuck's going on man we've got we've got this crazy psychotic idea where it's like you gotta find a good boss find yourself a good boss and start working for him or her find me a job yeah yeah this uh i know he was talking about consular but he always talks about uh one of his books i can't think of one of his uh fiction books he talks about how like post apocalypse how all these people

who were like captains of industry and had like big rich guys own like a bunch of carpet factories and stuff all the sudden kind of became laborers and the people who did become leaders the ones who were just natural leaders you're like the person who's gonna right actually a leader as opposed to being like a like a fucking greedy i'm not talking about being a leader i'm talking about being a hunter and the prey that you're hunting is energy sources that you could feed yourself with which is why when i'm driving down the you know when i was younger and dumb and judgmental and prickish as i'm sure i am a lot of ways now but when i was extremely much more judgmental and prickish you know you drive down the highway and you pass people who are selling fruit

right and you roll you know what you kind of roll your eyes like a poor you feel bad for them right oh look at them and the heat selling the fruit but really what they're doing is so awesome they've taken control of their lives right they don't have them they've gotten some they've gotten a product they found a place where there's people and they're fucking selling that shit that's what i always think about the guys i see going through the trash to get cans for a long time i've like like you by first used to feel bad about them but then i'm like this guy i mean he's not making any money he's making a very small amount but we don't know he lives it's his own schedule he gets to work as much as he wants as much as he doesn't want to work so in a sense it's like

it's kind of great it's beautiful you're super free it's beautiful man you get yourself free you get yourself out from underneath those motherfuckers because they're man they're everywhere i'm telling you there's a war going on right now and the war is between people these bridge trolls these people who has managed to get themselves in seats of power and who have no problem being a dick to people by the way they're great bosses out there there are a good business as a team enterprise where a group of people have gathered together and focused their will it's like a coven a good business should operate like a coven a group of alchemists magicians witches warlocks metaphysicians have all merged their will in the direction of bringing something into the earth

whatever the thing is and the thing that they bring into the earth as a byproduct of the generation of the thing creates money for everyone to prosper from that's a beautiful thing right the my the the merging and fusing of the minds to create this beautiful thing but then there's the evil boss which is the enslavement business which is like we don't fucking need you you think we need you you're lucky you've got this fucking job here john yeah yeah you're lucky to be here that that that that that when it manifests in the form of a of a boss what you're seeing there if you put that person let's just say that we were operating the sims and you could like turn the dial of that person's power up to 10 instead of the 0.2 that it is at 10 you got Mussolini right at 10 you've

got fucking Hitler at 10 you've got a beast whatever this monstrous twat was that told you to be quiet and then like didn't acknowledge her own fault and acted like you were lucky to be there she's her power level is like 0.1 in the world tiny tiny little power a little maggot lady you turn that up to 10 turn that up to 10 give her not control over a commercial edition but let's say that she now has control over a prison let's say you know what i mean let's say that she has control over a prison or a school like she's a principal of a school or let's say that she's a judge yeah fuck you've got disaster but you have it everywhere all the time already that's like half of the half of the judges or any person you talk about you just mentioned that's

that's who they are yes that's already many many people who put on those black shiny boots strap their guns on and put the badge into their fucking pocket they're the same too not all of them yeah i just depends i guess you gotta watch a lot of episodes of cops which is really amazing to watch when you consider the fact that drugs shouldn't be illegal yeah it's also amazing to watch when you see like the cops have a really high suicide rate for a reason because sometimes it's like this job fucking sucks no shit i have to see the worst of people every day and i can't do anything about it but lock them up or be like a total dick yeah imagine not a total dick then it's like you have to deal with the the reality the situation that you cannot change and you're

basically oh imagine if there was a job where you had to go respond to swarms of wasps and you knew that you're just gonna probably get stung eventually yeah that's true man because people are assholes and they do freak out and they do like do horrible things and we need we need very strong powerful humans who are armed to uh get those people under control but general but but a real problem is that the laws that are currently intact are designed are not really based on those people so much as they are and like drugs cops every everything on cops is drug related offenses it's crazy it's just it's all it takes if drugs were legal i don't know that the show cops could exist it would be a much different show probably probably a much sadder show because it all be

about like domestic violence yes and like like people taking their kids away and like oh his yeah we can't find his head i guess it just it got blown off somewhere robberies yeah i mean when you see a fucking cop pull somebody over like there's a one in one in one um one episode he pulls these kids over now smell marijuana in here are you guys smoking marijuana and the kids are like no yeah and they let him search the car the guy finds marijuana the girl in the car is sitting on the curb the cop goes over to her and like i don't remember what he does maybe he tries to handcuff her and she starts screaming like get off of me don't touch me get off of me don't touch me she just got three more charges now yes but it's like her reaction was right yeah that is the response you

should have to a man trying to put manacles on you because you had a plant substance on you yeah it's like you know dogs uh dogs bark for a reason yeah generally now some reactions to the cops on the other hand like when you see a drunk piece of shit you like it's been driving half asleep and gets pulled over right and then like does that weird thing where they stiffen their arms up to try yeah that's some weird thing i think it's super stiff no no no no no no i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm so no no no no look i'm so sorry i did a bad thing no almost as though almost as though uh almost as though if you could keep your arms up long enough they'd be like well okay we can't arrest you see you later guy there's that you know that new stop and well the old stop and frisk policy

they had a new york city where cops can stop and frisk anyone they think is suspicious yes but they just overturned it and of course bloomberg is like furious because he thinks it's going to mean like white people are going to get raped and murdered in the daytime yes five seconds they found out that they um they stopped and frisked more black men than live in the city of new york the number of black men they stopped and frisked so that means some of these guys have been stopped and frisked multiple times in one year and they said they have a 92% 96% failure rate so 96% of the time there's nothing there nothing there nothing at all nothing there but that ain't the point nope it's not it's to slow you down and make you think about what you're doing yeah make you think about

what you're doing with that wee boy it's to remind you that you aren't free it's to remind you that you must submit to the dragon it's just a little thing if you don't oh shit that's like that's what that's the best thing because they're basically creating like this little like uh dead man switch where they present an opportunity it's very easy to stop and frisk right but let's say you don't let's say you for some reason you falter you say the wrong thing you refuse you got six more charges and you probably brought up in something yes felony yeah all because you just didn't quite react right right be calm and simple and like demure enough for some fucking idiot imagine if we lived in a theocracy and there were like robed servants of the church who walk through the streets

and randomly stop people and ask them to bow down to some uh ancient god excuse me sir do you love and worship barbarians yes yes i do yes then prove it on your knees i want to see the love of binarius show me you love him kiss the emblem on my cloak why do you not bow why would you not bow oh dashneen he waited many seconds before bowing to my cloak yeah there's something must be going on in the man's mind it says in the scrolls of logon that those who do not bow must be punished bring him here fetch me my clicker twine his hands and bring him to the chariot he did not bow fetch the gunt if yeah it is the same listen if if you have a high percentage of not finding anything on these people you really are not looking at this point you're not

looking for anything you're just asking them to bow to power right bow to the power bow to the power bow to the power when you go to the fucking airport what are they asking you to do bow to the power bow to the power bow bow i have a new technique for that what no eye contact not at all none eye contact yeah well yeah i mean i have like if you do that's do if you don't make eye contact with a person there's something about that that i think is kind of demeaning no i think that's a great form of activism is to make no eye contact and just wander through you know what ari just fucking did i don't want to know but i want to know ari just uh as i taught forgive me ari if you somehow hear about this and i and i don't tell the story exactly right but

ari didn't want to take his shoes off so he told the um i guess he sees he said he has some kind of medical condition and they um they asked him anyway the long and short of it is the beauty of this story is uh ari farted as the guy was saying you have to do what i say ari farted really trying to he said it just happened at the perfect time ari farted really loudly and said well you have to smell my fart what did the guy say the guy called over sheriffs you know they yeah they called over cops they fucking they they you know they but they couldn't do anything because here's the awesome crazy beauty of this country is that they there's still this fucking constitution and they can't override the constitution they want to but they can't so they're fucking they like

rattles their little goddamn uh uh lizard brains when people have the audacity to stand up to power it freaks them out man even if it's just like a little thing or it's like just a little just a small thing like whoa whoa whoa whoa what yeah like that's a just small thing just you have to smell my fart it's basically meaningless yeah but it's it's still it's like it's in and you know the more these things happen the more there's just you know i i think that martin luther king had it right nonviolent um nonviolent resistance is the greatest form of resistance because as long as you resist make it hard for them and make it public it's infuriating it well and it embarrasses them like when you have um when you have like when you see the the the in in

fucking the marches in mississippi right when you see black people getting hosed down and they're just sitting with their hands behind their back passive peaceful resistance forces the dragon to be violent when the dragon is violent it illuminates the fact of who's right and who's wrong you also when when something loses it's cool like that it's uh becomes vulnerable because yes it starts to get stupid you get stupid when you're going crazy yeah that's an anger you get stupid yeah and then you get stupid that means that it makes you smarter by default because you're dealing with something that's become uh the variables shrunk so it's it's easier to deal with it's easier to compartmentalize because it's just this it's like a fucking angry dog it's beautiful

man like this thing that happened to glenn greenwald's boyfriend you know about this right i didn't know he was gay yeah he's fucking terrible jesus christ evil man what a fucking true evil he's so he's gay he's so he's so wonderful like he was he's great he got in a tweet interaction with someone on twitter some dumb lady was like you and your quote friend and he's like friend why do you keep calling him a friend it's my spouse what are you from 1954 i love him but greenwald's uh partner uh you know got detained uh you know about this right no i don't know so i've been in a hole glenn greenwald lives in brazil with his boyfriend or husband i guess and his husband was flying into i don't know it was flying into the uk and the plane landed

they said everyone coming out of the plane please show your passports uh greenwald's husband gets or partner i don't know if they're he said his husband's spouse greenwald's spouse gets um uh gets detained under a terrorism statute that says that they can hold him for nine hours and question him and he can't get attorneys or cops they destroyed his hard drive they they took all his shit they confiscated his computer this is in brazil this is in the uk oh the uk this is in the fucking uk is he in the uk is this like a is he in like a piece of america like the embassy where they have in the airport where it's it's uh he's a no this is the this is in the uk the uk is also has a similar apparently has a similar they have their version of the patreon they have

their version of the nsa yeah and and snowden is revealing this and greenwald is at the helm and the guardian is at the helm they destroyed hard drives uh they destroyed the guardians hard drives so you can see that um greenwald's spouse's reaction had it been in any way violent had he fought had he reacted in any kind of violent way it would completely diminish his position right but if you stay cool then these people are shown to be what they really are right and what they really are is power hungry corporatists and the more that you fucking stand up to them and really subtle yet public ways i think the more that they are power shrinks yeah yeah uh yep which is why you deserve a Nobel prize for shaking the war stick at that

little demon yeah man i think that it's the more i think about it the more i realize that like not that you i always ask people like what's something that you can do to fight against this kind of bullshit and i think the answer is recognize that this bullshit doesn't just exist in the government oh it's everywhere because it trickles down and it's every sort of thing it's all over the place but i think sometimes i think the best thing you can do is uh is if you're super polite all the time it's like it goes back the same thing like being nonviolent and being calm so where if you make it if you always put it upon the other person to be the aggressor to make the mistake to be the person who's making something out of nothing yeah then it just puts a spotlight on them

and like you're being you're being ridiculous so maybe throwing maybe throwing down your papers and saying fuck you was a little reactive maybe there was a better way to do it to be to be like well you know i think that you're a fascist pig twat so now that's the same thing well for me it was just like i was just done with this like like i said i didn't really think about it because i didn't i knew there was nothing because you can't explain something to a person in that situation and have it come out any way that is gonna be beneficial to anyone even yourself it's like a thing where certain certain things are just a lost cause and you have to just extract yourself from the equation be like oh this is this is just a bad situation that i don't need to be in i think

it's sometimes recognize when you've gotten yourself in a place where someone's trying to dominate you maybe yeah and ask yourself do i want to be dominated and if the answer to that is no i don't feel like being dominated right now then don't let them leave then leave get out of the situation don't let them address it don't don't address that if you want to be dominated and there's lots of great times to be dominated let it happen but when you get around some puffed up shit pig who's being brown nose by every loser squirming hungry impoverished fawning fawning tardling tardling then then that person don't water their weeds yeah with your with your submission it's hard though man i'm getting too old for this shit it's hard though

right it's hard because there is we've been taught to ask us yeah it's very hard but i i really think though if you don't do it all the time good things come of it because like it's like that thing where oh i don't know it's it's in so many things but it's a thing where if you try if you experiment you try something you didn't wouldn't normally do that kind of makes you scared you're like wow that wasn't so bad yeah actually something great came of it because yeah it's like you know if you're doing stand-up and you're really fucking around you don't care that's sometimes when the best stuff happens the best like oh like that was just i didn't care at all i'm just actually totally just having fun oh it's throwing yourself out into the void man it's like walking past the

light of the campfire into the forest of your fear and just dealing with the dealing with the abyss you know i hate it man i just you know we talked about i just did that man and just throws me into the oh stand-up yeah yeah not stand-up but you know i'm saying in life right sometimes you got to go into the dark you know where you're not prepared to go because it gets you closer to what you really are and for whatever reason the universe is built with a security system installed that keeps you from going into those places i don't know why but the you know that you're getting close to the where you're not supposed to be the moment the fears happens you know the fear starts rising in you or the loneliness starts rising in you or the sense of the moment you

trick yourself into thinking like i'll never find anyone again that people think that sometimes and it's not just with a relationship it's with a boss oh so anything i'll never find a job like this again i'll never find a place like this again i'll never find a lover like this again i'll never find a dog like this again i know you won't because you're saying that you won't find it well yeah and that mentality is so crazy that that mentality is yeah that mentality is a scarcity mentality and god damn it we don't live in a in a universe of scarcity abundance i don't i mean i don't know i could be wrong man but sometimes i feel like we're in the garden of eden only we've gotten so high on human neurology that we're having these terrible trips where we

think we're in a desert yeah well i always think about this uh i interviewed this guy on podcast a while ago like a year ago just um black dude and lee lee weaver he uh grew up in florida like he's he's in his eighties right old man and he was telling me how when he grew up in florida he's like i didn't know we were poor we had everything we had we had mangoes we had papayas donkeys and chickens i thought was the greatest thing ever i didn't know we were poor yeah it's like i'll find out later we were incredibly poor yeah but he had no idea because it's like lucky man what what what is it you're you are rich because you have if you have food to eat and you're having fun and you have family and friends like yes that's pretty that's pretty wealthy pretty

that's pretty if you have freedom yeah that's like extreme wealth that's a massive amount of wealth yeah and i always forget to think about that i'm like yeah you know what that's so you think about such a great way to think about things that you know because kids kids always uh they find joy in things that adults just somehow found a way to overlook like chips like fucking chips are so good yes tortilla chips chips in a swimming pool baby give kids give a kid a couple bags of tortilla chips that's like the best thing you can give a kid some tortilla trips and chips take them to a public pool and tell them you get there you're gonna watch Finding Nemo in the evening and you've basically given them space tourism right it's joy i can remember man there was a swimming pool when

i visit my dad after the divorce he had a swimming pool it was apartment complex and i can remember every once in a while i'd be like hey we're gonna go to a movie tonight and i would be swimming in the pool thinking in like four hours i'm gonna be fucking watching a movie and i would be in paradise yeah it's great to look forward to things but the ghoul climbs on our backs it whispers in our ears the next thing we know suddenly we're wandering we think we're in a graveyard when it's just this verdant beautiful orchard filled with ripe fruits for us to eat from but we've convinced ourselves that whatever this thing or that thing is is the only thing that there's nothing else exists this is the only well this is the only fruit tree this is the only vagina or penis

there's a lot of them especially if they perfect that uh that that vaginal ball what's that in australia no i'm making this vaginal sounds like a like a oh i thought you meant like a vaginal like some kind of like dance event oh yeah it's a it's a vaginal celebration it's uh it's made they made a giant labia out of this weird like neuroplastic magic foam it's about three miles long and it just opens up at first light and all this it takes all the light in it's like a giant leaf and it sucks it in then it sprays out this crazy uh pink liquid that anyone can eat and it's really tasty and what i'm just kidding god damn it don't do that to me man for a second i'm like this is the greatest thing i've ever heard it's air's rock air's rock it's a giant

it's a giant space vagina did you know about this what you know air's rock no it's that big rock that's out in the uh the what do they call it the middle of uh milky way what do they call that shit in in australia where the desert is they have a name for it out the back there's a big rock on the outback called air's rock i don't know where it came from it's an old rock it's you know it's eons old and it's they found out that it's just a space vagina it's just a giant wow it's where it's where the it's where the moon came out of all the moons they came out of the hole in there like that that's why aborigines stay there that's what dream time's all about they dream about being rebirthed through the giant rock vagina can we get back to the vaginal ball real quick what is

that well i think that's like it's like a soccer ball except instead of having those little hexagons of color it's vaginas really it's like your fuck block remember your fuck that old rusty that's like a 10 year old joke that's a fucking that that joke is old have you ever brought it back that joke is pre-september 11 should i tell the joke sure i don't know if i can tell it okay um guys guys i can't leave my house anymore i just got one of these new fuck blobs i got a new fuck block the joke guys this is one of the first jokes i ever wrote and the joke is it's a fuck blob gee here they're building these you know i don't know if you guys heard about this really just genetically engineered fish that can glow in the dark can you imagine that

they're scientists actually spending their time genetically engineering fish to glow in the dark why don't they make a fuck blob wouldn't that be great just around bulbous thing covered in lips and vaginas that lives off human sexual secretions you've definitely done that a lot i've done it so much in the past i haven't done it you know i haven't done it in eons and then like i did the ice house with rogan yeah and we we were like that i did it again and uh because we were all gonna do our oldest joke that we could remember and it was weird i was like fuck man i remember the existence of the thing i remember it's so well it's done a million times it's muscle memory it's like muscle memory in your mouth what is a vaginal ball is that really

what it is it's a it's a soccer ball you fuck i just made it up because i was thinking about your fuck blob but you were saying something about like this is so there's no vaginal ball no it's nothing they're called no you're talking about benoit balls no i wasn't i was making it up totally i can't believe i got sucked into your your god damn uh you're you're confusing i can't believe you led me down that path i convinced some people of your day that sandra o was not asian who's Sandra actress i did some show some panelist show that they were it's like talking about items in the news and they're talking about how sandra o who's an asian american actress is leaving the show graze anatomy yeah which is a show that's

really great and we should all watch it uh and she's leaving it but i was like um you know she's not asian right johnny we gotta i know you gotta go i do that but i want you to turn your beautiful your beautiful mind yes into the direction of the like is right now i know they're people listening to this right who are sad they're sad they're worried about their job but their jobs they may have like just broken up with somebody they may have been broken up with there's people who are listening to this who are are maybe sick or experiencing real loss there could be people in syria right now listening to this or egypt give them some love johnny give them some hope let me hear it so you want like we want like a story you want just like a generic whatever

comes to you some love okay well one time i was down in uh the river there's a small river by my house where i grew up it's called the zumbro and i was down there and it's a dirty scummy river full of crappie it's a shit fish and uh there's this there's this dog and it's pretty small it looks like 20 pounds you know medium-sized dog and he is swimming in the river but he's swimming upstream then all of a sudden these two trees out of nowhere bust out of the ground and bend over the river and they're willow trees right yeah and all these things start whipping around yeah like crazy whips like a willow tree just yeah and i'm like how am i where's where's everyone i'm not i'm the only person seeing this right now yeah there's a bike trail by there's no on the bike trail there's a

mcdonald's a couple miles away okay i can't see the mcdonalds all of a sudden and these these they're whipping around yeah these these willow wisps and this dog is swimming upstream the dog's looking at this willow tree like man this is this is uh this is bad right yeah because he's trying to get upstream for some reason yeah and these willow wisps they're just gonna kill them they turn into razor wire basically yeah and that dog barks three times the trees recede dog says i'll just go their direction down the river i'll just go with the flow and the dog went with the flow yeah and then he hopped out into my arms and we just i rode him back home beautiful really pretty and i just was so happy to be with that little dog beautiful story yeah beautiful story so guys ride

the dog home ride the dog home and on the way there jab your stick of love into the fascist hides these tots standing at the doors of power my sweet loves johnny pemberton where can people find you internet internet feral audio links to pemberton will be at dugatrustle.com if you guys like the dugatrustle family our podcast please give us a nice rating on on itunes listen to twisting the wind listening listen to johnny pemberton's twisting the wind and for god's sakes we just got all these new shirts are coming into the shop at dugatrustle.com wouldn't you please just buy one of our shirts if you feel like it if not i don't care just enjoy the podcast and uh hopefully since i'm i'm gonna do less opening monologues now and in the old way so maybe

maybe there'll be more of these because now i just get to go upload this into the computer and i'm done you're done instead of spending days on these things which i have to do i'll do both i love you guys thank you johnny love you too bye thanks for listening everyone this is no name number one from the album roman candle by the great elliot smith bye under one the money i hate to walk behind i saw you with your morning

me don't belong here you got nervous start whistling every thought of it gets shamed notice while i wonder what's the worst thing i could say you remind me of someone's daughter i forgot i forgot i made a shame go home live with your pain leave alone leave alone because you know you don't belong you don't belong here

you when i go don't you follow leave alone leave alone because you know you don't belong you don't belong here nobody's looking leave alone you don't belong here