Duncan Trussell Family Hour - JOHNNY PEMBERTON AND THE CHRIST EXPERIENCE

Episode Date: August 18, 2014

Johnny Pemberton returns to the DTFH and Duncan sends out the call for the creation of a virtual reality christ simulator.

Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. I'm dirty little angel. You can get Dirty Angel anywhere you get your music. Ghost Towns, Dirty Angel, out now. New album and tour date coming this summer. Hello, dear friends. It is I, Duncan Trussell, and you are listening to the Duncan Trussell Family Hour

podcast, and you might notice that your ears are being massaged by a new, silky, deep, resonant, sweet sound. And that's because I'm recording from my upgraded podcast studio. I've leveled up my podcast studio. I'm not done yet, but I've got soundproof foam all over the walls, and soon I'll have a nice

sound-dampening carpet placed underneath the podcast table. I'm currently having it washed at the Laundromat because my dog pissed so much on it. So much piss was in that carpet. And when I took it to the Laundromat, they said that they were gonna have to send it to a special facility somewhere up north because in his entire life of working at a Laundromat,

he had never seen a carpet so soaked in chihuahua piss. And this is the guy who works at a Laundromat in Los Angeles, and he sees chihuahua piss soaked items every single day from t-shirts to ski masks to carpets. And he's never seen anything like it. He said that the odor of that carpet reminded him of the time that he had gotten into this car accident and died for 15 minutes.

He'd had no brain activity and his heart had stopped beating. And he said that during that time, he was sucked down a glowing tunnel into a sort of hive space deep beneath the earth, a kind of mazy, honeycombed place, and that he had been dropped by a praying man a scorpion creature onto a flat sheet of sticky, gooey stuff that the creature had hissed to him was made of chihuahua piss

or demonic chihuahua piss. And he said that during this time that he was dead medically, he experienced over 7,000 years of being pissed on by a giant chihuahua that every morning would come into this specific part of the hive and spray piss into his mouth and face and all over his clothes. And he tried to move, but he couldn't

because he was stuck on that thick gel that was also made of chihuahua piss. And he said for thousands and thousands and thousands of years he breathed and tasted and felt nothing but the varieties of chihuahua piss that were being sprayed down upon him by demons. And he woke screaming, they used the defibrillator, woken back up, he's fine.

But he said to me that even there in that hell space he had never experienced such a pungent reek of chihuahua urine. So I'm having to get the thing processed in a facility up north and once that's done the sound will become even more dampened. The goal being that this podcast room becomes a conduit to extra dimensional forces that can move through me

and my guests. And the only way that that can happen is through soundproof foam and making the room look like what would happen if DARPA had a seance chamber somewhere in the sub basement. That's what I'm going for here, I think. I mean, I don't want it to be dark and creepy necessarily. I want it to be focused and supernatural.

But I guess that's creepy for some people but I also don't want it to be that kind of corporate. I don't know if you guys have seen pictures of some podcast studios. They just look like radio booths or something which is fine, whatever, but I would like my podcast studio to look like a place where maybe you would find yourself if you'd been abducted by aliens or maybe a place

that you would go to in the very first few milliseconds of a DMT trip before your pineal gland exploded and you found yourself drifting into that super hyper dimensional place that Terrence McKenna loved talking about so much. Somewhere there, like a kind of pre-Bardo intermediary place. But right now it's just a bunch of foam on the wall. I'm going to keep working on it though.

And I'm eventually, and I know I've been saying this forever, but I am going to add cameras to this podcast studio and figure out a way to broadcast this on as a Google Hangout probably because they have some new function my friend was telling me about where they could actually, you can stream in the same way that you can stream, you stream, you can stream right to YouTube.

And people can, I don't know, sign up to join like, I don't understand the whole thing. My dear friend Noah told me about all that stuff. And also, if you've ever gone to Google Hangouts, it's cool because you can make your face look like a cat and you can make your background look like the ocean and everybody knows that that's a component that definitely makes a great podcast.

So I'm going to be doing that, that's going to be happening. And somewhere in the future, and this is a big call to all of you VR people out there, somewhere in the future, I'd like to figure out how to use an Xbox Connect to scan the room and put it in some kind of virtual space where people can go and watch the studio. I've talked about that before

and some wonderful human beings are working on that very thing right now. I hope that they're making great progress in that direction because my ultimate dream is to be able to scan the room that I'm in right now and in real time translate it into digital space so that listeners can enjoy the podcast, not just by watching it on YouTube in two dimensions but by experiencing it in virtual space in three dimensions.

And I'm sure that that's eventually where all podcasts are going to go and all shows and everything eventually is going to be sucked in to those weird portals which are inside our phones that we currently call cameras. We're all going to get digitized, reproduced in some kind of virtual land and I would like to be one of the people helping that happen.

Speaking of that stuff, are there any designers out there? Because I have an idea for a virtual reality thing for the new Oculus Rift that I need somebody to help me make and I don't know who I'd go to for that but I need a really good designer. I need somebody who knows how to work in, I guess, with the Unreal Engine or, it's not like a game, it's kind of a game but it's not a game

but it's a really, really cool experience that, you know what, fuck it, why am I being secretive about this? I'm just going to put it out there. Here's what I want to make and I would so love it if somebody out there would help me create this. Here's what I'm looking for. I want to make a virtual crucifixion experience

and basically what it is is you put on the Oculus Rift and you are suddenly Jesus being crucified on the cross. It's the POV of Christ being crucified. I want it to be as historically accurate as possible. So I want the people who are watching Christ being crucified, I want them to be dressed in exactly the right way. I don't want it to be zany.

I don't want it to be psychedelic. We've got to start with a base of realism and based on that time period and based on the various scriptures that talk about this crucifixion, I would want it to be exactly right. No tongue-in-cheek, no irony, no poking fun at Christians, none of that stuff.

I want it to be an exact and identical POV experience of what it was like for our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, to be crucified on that terrible place, the place of skulls, Golgotha, with the thieves on either side of him and the Roman soldier with a spear and the disciples watching and weeping and Mary and Mary Magdalene and everybody freaking out

and the only options that you have in this initial build of this experience are the options of whatever Jesus did. So we all know that Christ, as he was being crucified, said a few wonderful, poignant, beautiful, mind-bending things. One of them, one of my favorite being, as he looked out over these asshole, fundamentalist,

lunatic, backwards desert idiots who had just scorched him and nailed him to a cross where he was slowly suffocating to death while he died of thirst, he looked out and he said, Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing. Which is pretty much the, I mean, it's kind of like the ultimate alien insult. It's what an alien would do if he came to it.

It's the way an alien, it's a nice way of saying there's not an intelligent life on this planet. So there's really no point in attacking them or doing anything with them. They don't know what they're doing. That's a cynical way of looking at it. Another less cynical way of looking at it is that he recognized that most human beings

are in a kind of sleepwalking state of just numb emptiness where they're only thinking about the past or the future and kind of violent to the people around them, not because they have some innate desire to cause pain or harm in the world, but just because they're completely asleep and sleepwalkers will knock shit over and God forbid if a sleepwalker was driving

he would inevitably wreck his car into a children's hospital and sleepwalkers are always hurting themselves too. So a more optimistic POV is that he was saying, forgive them, they're essentially innocent. They haven't developed their neocortex enough to recognize that they are existing in a kind of super paradise

where anything that they want and believe can instantly happen. All they have to do is ask for it and connect with a source of light and beauty that exists in all things. Anyway, he said a few very poignant, cool things that you can interpret in whatever way that you want. His final, the final thing Christ said

when he was about to die. Father, forgive them. No, wait, that's not the final thing. The final thing he said was, into your hands I commend my spirit. Actually, that was not the final thing Christ said. The final thing Christ said was, so whenever you end the Christ simulator,

that is the final thing that you would say. Whenever you exit the program, you as Jesus would say, so there it is, a million dollar idea, probably a billion dollar idea that I'm just putting out there on the internet for any of you technological entrepreneurs out there to create what will be known

as the ultimate religious experience. You, whoever you are out there who knows how to do this, whatever startup you are, wherever you are, you recognize that this idea is going to make you as wealthy as Bill Gates. I'm sure that a Christ simulator would become as popular as the Bible eventually. Everybody would want one of these.

Everybody wants to know what it's like to be crucified. Every Christian loves thinking about Jesus being crucified and even non-Christians like thinking about Jesus being crucified. If you've ever seen The Passion of the Christ, one of the most popular bondage porn movies ever released in the history of America, you know that there's something incredibly hot

about watching a wafish Christ being with inexplicable abdominal muscles getting the shit whipped out of them by muscular dudes dressed like Romans. Everybody loved that. And the Christians, when they watch it, they get to imagine that the reason they love it is because they're experiencing the suffering

of their Lord and Savior. And everybody else who's on dates with Christians gets to enjoy the kind of incredible sexual bloodbath as Jesus is essentially just a blood dispenser mechanism at the end of that movie. He's just spraying blood every four seconds, gouts and sprays of delicious, wonderful, sweet-tasting Christ blood landing on the guards' faces

and whips and weird scourging devices. That could be another program. Somebody else could develop the torture of the Christ virtual reality experience. But this, we gotta start with the crucifixion of Jesus, the VR experience, we can call it I Christ or VR Christ. What you'll come up with a great name for it, it needs to be hyper-realistic

and it needs to be historically accurate. That's the build, that's the initial build. Then you make it open source so that other people can modify it. So that's where it gets fun, where if people wanna do, if people wanna change the characters, they can. So for example, if you wanna experience

what it might be like to be Jesus Christ being crucified by cats, then all the people sitting around the cross will be stray cats, Persian cats, fancy cats, bald cats, dressed as Roman soldiers, and dressed as the disciples. If you wanna experience what it's like to be Jesus Christ being crucified by George W. Bush's,

where it's just all George W. Bush sitting and watching you get crucified. That's a potential upgrade. Really, it's anything that you could think of. I can think of a lot of stuff like cheat codes that you could put in that would turn your crucifix into a kind of airplane. So it launches out of the ground

and then you can fly around the Goltha where Jesus was crucified. You can fly around that on the cross, shooting lasers down at the Roman guards and exploding them if you wanted to. And of course, there's all kinds of other things that you could do. If technology gets to the point

where we can scan our faces in, then you could actually have the face of Jesus Christ. Oh, for I forget, this is another facet of the crucifixion simulator. You can also jump into the POV of all the people watching you be crucified. So you don't just have to experience what it's like to be Jesus being crucified.

You could be the Roman guard that stabbed Jesus in the side with a spear. And as many of you know, that spear became known as the spear of destiny and that is the spear that the Nazis actually were looking for because they were trying to collect religious artifacts because Hitler was so amped up on methamphetamine by the end of it that he got it into his head

that if he could get the Ark of the Covenant and all the various religious artifacts that were scattered throughout the world, he could actually win the war. And you could experience what it's like to be Mary Magdalene or you could experience what it's like to be, I don't know, like a demonic crow somewhere off in the horizon or whatever it is.

You could see this thing is limitless and it appeals to adults and children, monks and Satanists. Everyone's gonna wanna take part in the crucifixion of Jesus. Maybe you don't wanna experience what it's like to be Christ. Maybe you wanna be the asshole guard that when he said, I am thirsty, the asshole who put vinegar in a sponge

and shoved it into his mouth. Maybe you could be that guy if you just wanna torture Christ. You get to pick. That's part of the fun of this simulator. And as it grows and we get to the scorching where you can experience Jesus being scorched or where we get to the part where you're like

carrying the crucifix through the street, you can pick, do you wanna be Jesus or do you wanna be the person who tortures Jesus? And obviously that's a choice that we all must make every single day of our lives as we walk out into the world and decide, am I gonna be the person who takes the suffering of the world today or am I gonna be shoving,

sponges filled with vinegar into the mouth of every single asshole I come across in this shit world that I happen to have been launched out of a pussy and two, you get to pick. You get to choose love or death. This game is a kind of training session for that. And aside from all the metaphorical implications of the game, it's just gonna be fun to see the reaction

people might have to this because Christians, the fundamentalists, Fred Phelps, bigoted, homophobic assholes, they're not gonna understand if they should be offended by the game or if they should love the game, which is why the initial build has got to be historically accurate.

That's all I ask, whoever you are out there who's gonna make this wonderful game. Also, I say team up. Don't just do it on your own. Go to my message board about this game. Start a thread, get people involved. Do whatever you need to do to get the funds together to make this amazing game.

There's not much I'm gonna be able to do to help you, but you're welcome to contact me and communicate with me about making the game. I feel like I let down the people who are working on the PodRift project that I mentioned only because there's not much I could offer after the initial idea. So I will definitely, I would love to go back and forth

with a group of people who are really interested in building this thing, but I leave most of it to you. Into your hands, I commend my spirit. Make this game. I just wanna know what it would be like to be crucified as the Son of God. That's it. Something I've always wondered.

And in the history of human existence, as far as I'm aware, outside of people who have actually been crucified, no one, except for people who participate in those weird religious ceremonies where they tie themselves to a cross. But as far as I'm aware, there is no digital Christ experience.

It doesn't exist. Supply and demand, people. Supply and demand. There is a demand for a virtual reality, crucifixion, game. A huge demand. Everybody wants it. Why it hasn't been made yet?

I have no idea. Doesn't make sense. How can there be a game where you run through a world, eating mushrooms, and jumping into sewer pipes when there isn't a game where you get to experience being the immortal child of an omnipotent love force who is getting slowly murdered by a bunch of monkey descendants?

That's a great game. Make it happen. Please, I beg you. Thank you, God. Thank you, Jesus. And thank you, all of my sweet, sweet listeners out there who are going to get started on this project. Let's do it quick.

I'd like to see the beta phase of this within the next two months. There's your deadline. I don't know what I could offer you in exchange outside of, you know what? If somebody makes this game, if somebody out there or a team of people out there make this game, and I don't mean like a low res crap version.

I mean, if somebody really makes a photorealistic, historically accurate, beautiful simulation of the crucifixion of Jesus that is fully modifiable and open sourced so that anybody who wants to transform any component in the scene can transform any component in the scene. You want Jesus to be Nancy Grace?

Bam! Nancy Grace is being crucified. These are all mods that somebody could make. If you make that, then I will have you on the podcast. I will tweet the holy shit out of it, and I'll send you and your team a bunch of t-shirts and posters. I don't know, is that enough?

Do you have to be compensated for this? Don't you feel in your heart that at this very moment, God is telling you that your entire life as a software developer, your entire life training and learning code and learning how to make things in three dimensional space was all just you preparing for to do the work of God. And what God is telling me at this very moment

is that God wants a virtual reality, Oculus Rift Christ Simulator to exist in this dimension. All right, we got a great podcast today, but first, some business. We live in the future. When I was a kid, if you wanted to watch a movie, when I was a kid, what you would have to do is you would go, you'd slip on your flip flops

in the summer and you'd go plotting through a Texas street to get to a ramshackle video store, run by somebody whose breath smelled like country fried steak and old semen. There are these things called VHS tapes that you would pluck from the shelves and they had, they were nasty. No one ever washed the VHS tapes,

these were tapes that were inevitably being taken into people's lonely homes. And so the tapes would have these sneeze spray and little droplets of jizz on top of them. Little bone fragments and dried, crusty bits of Texas suicide brain that had been splattered on top of them after the owners of the VHS tape

decided to finally end their existence. They were contaminated. If you got one of these tapes, then you would probably get sick. Back in the 80s, everybody was getting sick with diseases directly related to handling VHS tapes from video stores. It was a dangerous time and it's why

three out of five people wouldn't live past 30 during the 80s because they were all getting sick from these contaminated tapes. We live in the future now. Video stores are gone. There might be one or two holdouts where people are renting rare Italian video tapes and those are great places.

But in general, all video tapes have been evaporated by the initial wave of technology that is leading us towards the inevitable singularity where we all are absorbed into some organic supercomputer and our consciousness is spread throughout the universe in one instantaneous blast of light. But there's no point as you're waiting for the singularity to watch crappy shows or to not be able to access

some shows that are on TV. As you're waiting for the robots to finally wake up, cure cancer and turn us all into floating etheric technological super beings, you could be enjoying such amazing shows as Doctor Who, Nashville and Lost. Remember Lost? Well, now you can watch every episode.

Do you remember the fury that would build inside your heart as you had to wait an entire week for the next episode of Weird Lost to happen? That fury is gone because you can go into your bed with a mega bag of Doritos and one of those oil barrel size slurps from 7-Eleven and watch every episode of Lost until your kidneys fail

and they find you six weeks later with your cats chewing on your face. You can do that with Hulu Plus. They've got current season episodes of Modern Family and The Daily Show. So if you miss The Daily Show and you don't have any way to access that, you can do that with Hulu Plus.

But here's what I like about Hulu Plus the most. They've got the entire criterion collection. That's an amazing bundle of super, super brilliant movies. You wanna seem smart, you know what I mean? Sometimes you wanna seem smart to your friends. You don't know what the criterion collection is and you don't like reading subtitles because it's impossible to play Hearthstone

while you're having to read subtitles. Okay, fine. But you can seem like a smart person by suggesting to your sweet, darling, tender date that perhaps you should watch Henry the Fifth or Diablic or Andrei Rublev or you could say, my darling, why don't we watch Nanook of the North tonight

or Robocop? I guess that's not really a smart, considered an intellectual film but it is one of my favorite movies of all time. But it's there for you, the criterion collection. They have every single movie in the criterion collection and they also have a lot of really cool, weird documentaries. They have documentaries on conspiracy theories

and on the Freemasons. It's all there for you for only $7.99 a month. You can get your entertainment whenever you want it. Don't be bored. Don't you understand what's about to happen? Machines are about to wake up and develop hyper-realistic virtual reality experiences which we will all be able to go swimming into

like dolphins released from their evil confines, its sea world, back into the ocean. Only our ocean is not a salty, briny thing filled with plastic and discarded dentures. Our ocean is the entire universe and we're about to be freed from these meat bodies and go swimming back from where we came. But before that happens,

why not enjoy watching some old sitcoms from the 80s like The A Team or The Fall Guy? Those are available on Hulu Plus too. So try it out. If you go to sign up for Hulu Plus and you go to huluplus.com slash DTFH, you'll get two weeks full access, completely free. That's pretty cool.

If you're one of those people who's being held in a room by some kind of benevolent kidnapper and he's giving you access to an Apple TV, there's no sense for you to sit there eating your own diarrhea and waiting for him to slash your throat. Go to Hulu Plus and check out some great shows before you're shoved in front of a car or chopped into mincemeat.

Go to Hulu Plus if you're bored, if you're afflicted by that Kierkegaard existential level boredom and you just can't stand having to constantly project yourself as an identity with a name and a social security number who likes some things and doesn't like other things, just give it all up. Turn into an amorphous blob of barely existing sentience

and sign up for Hulu Plus. Devour and consume and binge watch as much entertainment as you possibly can. And the odds are pretty good that somewhere over the course of doing that, you're gonna get some major incredible inspiration. In fact, you could be the scientist or inventor who is on the verge of figuring out a way

to finally bring computers to life so that they can assemble a time machine and that we can all actually go backwards in time and witness the crucifixion of Christ in the real world. That could be you and maybe that inspiration, maybe that little bit of information that you need is waiting for you on one of the 700 episodes of The Fall Guy.

And you gotta watch every single one of them. Go to HuluPlus.com slash DTFH. You'll get two weeks for free. Try it out. If you don't like it, you can cancel it. But you will have two weeks of having your brain sledge hammered by so much entertainment that it could transform you into a brand new person.

This could be your chance for a brand new life. HuluPlus.com slash DTFH. God is telling me right now that you should go to HuluPlus.com slash DTFH and try it out. I think you'll be impressed. Wouldn't lead you in the wrong direction. It's something I'm subscribed to.

Why don't you give it a shot? Also, it works on Apple TV, Xbox and almost any other console that you can connect to your TV. So you could stream it right to your TV. You don't just have to watch it on your computer. Hare Krishna. And as always, we are sponsored by Amazon.com. There is a portal located at DuncanTrustle.com.

The next time you are going to acquire whatever bit of plastic that you think is gonna make you happy, go through the Amazon portal which is located at DuncanTrustle.com. They will give us a small percentage of whatever you buy. Let me tell you what I just bought. A G4 780 Ti graphics card. This thing is a giant weird fan covered graphics card

that a friend of mine in the VR world suggested that I put in my computer because it'll make my Oculus Rift experience better. It's huge. I had to get an entire new battery for my computer and I actually managed to install it. I still feel proud that I did that because it involved plugging anaconda-like power cords

running out of this super-powered battery into the motherboard of my computer and into the graphics card. And now when I go into Oculus Rift worlds, it's a million times better. And also if you have never played a computer video game, a PC game using a high-powered graphics card, then you don't know what you're missing

because it really is eerie how detailed these games become when they're running on a super-high-powered graphics card. So if you wanna splurge, go crazy, dive into a virtual universe, experience what flowers look like in Skyrim when they're blowing in digital wind, why not go to Amazon and order a G4 780 Ti? And you could pretend that the reason you're doing that

is because you're going to learn how to work in Photoshop or something, but you know the real reason. It's because you wanna play Skyrim for 19 hours, wearing adult diapers and forgetting that you're a human. Try it out. Lots of great things on Amazon. Plastic, it makes us so happy, doesn't it? We don't wanna admit it, but it does.

Plastic, the true key to happiness is plastic. That's what Buddha said. Plastic, give it a shot. There's so many wonderful forms the plastic takes from butt plugs to computers. It's just some great stuff, and it's all there for you at amazon.com. Go through our portal, bookmark the portal,

and it's a great way for you to donate to this podcast without having to actually donate. And for those of you who have donated, as always, thank you so much, and thank you to those of you who have been buying our new t-shirts, which are located at dunkintrustle.com in the shop. And finally, sign up for the forum,

especially all of you designers and developers out there who are currently at this moment, making phone calls to Elon Musk, telling him that you have just heard the greatest idea of your life, the Christ Simulator. Go sign up. Join the forum. Connect minds and build a virtual Christ.

Do it for me, my sweet children. I beg you. Today's podcast guest is about to go on tour with me this week. He is an actor, a comedian. He's almost a prepper, but he's not. When I say prepper, I just mean he knows how to garden. He's a wonderful human being and one of my dear friends who has a fantastic podcast

called Twisting the Wind. Everybody, please welcome to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast, God's favorite child, Johnny Pemberton. It's the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast. Welcome, welcome on you, that you are with us, shake hands, don't be too blue.

Welcome to you, wow, wow, wow. It's the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast. It's weird. I think it might be something. Oh, you got the metronome on. Why can't we hear the tongue? I am alive, my body is the sun. My body is the sun, my body is the sun.

Jen, Jen, Jen, my body is the sun. My body is the sun, my body is the sun. Hey, everybody, come get trust, your are listening to the Dunkin' Trussell Family Hour podcast. I'm here, Johnny, I'm here, I'm here. Yep, yep, yep, me, me. Hop, hop, hop, hop, up. And they've got a what up,

they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up,

they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got a what up, they've got aspeak. You've got aTwo Sister.

A, O, O, O, O, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, on, on. Virיבil, Virribil, Virribil, look baby, look baby, I get a margarita forthenam. It's got a sul-rem.

Touch it, touch it, touch it, touch it, touch it, touch it, it's the Bet'n, the Bet'n, 它的算, running n ح My nipple is re-oiled again. Slip, slip, slip, slip.

My nipple is re-oiled again. Slip, slip, slip. My nipple is re-oiled again. Hold on again. My nipple is re-oiled again. My nipple is re-oiled again. There's only one way out of this mess. It's through my chest.

Double nipples, double breasts. You'll never guess death bed. She opened up a nipple. There wasn't a sul-rem. I want to, I want to, I want to. Nipple fader. You'll never last. You must find the nipple, boy, boy, boy.

There's no other way. Boy, boy. Boy. Boy. Bystanding the if anotherruption. No. Never give it to you again, boy. Gart get, gart get.

For a hundred years ever trans spiderИ Flip over at human, flap fulfilled. Into the heart. Into the heart. There are four stores in a round. Let's go again, let's go. Plantation run by, wagon, white blood cells run by, white blood cells. in seven year of life.

In seven year of life. For this. taxi spices. Spice. That was kind of like the Grateful Dead, this space. Yeah, maybe like a Pink Floyd album. Yeah, that was incredible, that's so fun. Like Umaguma maybe, or one of those, one of those early ones.

Piper, the Gates of Dawn. Oh, those are so good. Metal. Those are so good. Metal's a great one. You ever heard my old joke when I first started doing stand up about Pink Floyd fans? No. Let's hear it.

Okay. Hey dude, I know you don't like Floyd, but have you heard metal? Dude, you gotta check out Umaguma. Dude, seriously, come over. I've got a quadrophonic sound. I'll suck your dick, dude, seriously. I'll suck your dick, dude. I've got four CD players.

We'll put on Piper at the Gates of Dawn, quadrophonic at the same time Umaguma plays with Relics in the background. Dude, I'll suck your dick, it'll be so sweet. Let me tell you something, man. That was sort of the joke. I would do anything, anything outside of paying for it to have Mark Marin's sound system. That motherfucker, that's my first experience with like, you know, an audio, he's an audio file.

Yeah, he is. So like when you listen to records, when you listen to records, pouring out of whatever weird Tesla level, falling out of a spaceship, vacuum tubes running into Tibetan skulls, they kind of like curl around and go out of a heart pump or whatever he's got running. Through a Bose mobile speak, batteries. Yeah. It feels like you could eat the music. Yeah, it sounds, it's totally different.

My dad used to be a huge audio file and the guys who work at those high-end audio stores, they're really weird. They're all really weird. What do you think? Do you think it's driving them mad? Like their passion is driving them crazy? Well, it's like they're driving, they're going crazy because it's this pursuit of perfection that's kind of unattainable to the point where you're like, I'm spending $10,000 for

a pump to make sure that my turntable is levitating properly on all sides. So I got some sort of a special plasma balance on my thorns table so it doesn't get interrupted when there's a sunspot. So I can listen to a mono copy of Jeff Becks' first album on my... Well, it's kind of like a time machine, isn't it? Isn't that kind of what... A quarter music? But you know, a friend of mine has this incredible song about how tape recorder is a time machine.

It's beautiful and it's true and it's like they're trying to like as much as they can zoom in or tune in to that moment in time when whatever they're listening to is recorded to almost bring it to life whereas when you listen to other regular sound systems, what don't we all listen to, it's cool but it's still massively distorted. You're not getting the real taste of what it is. Distorted. It just doesn't have the same amount. The information conveyed is just tiny.

There's not that much information. You're something of a music expert, aren't you? Yes. You really are. Like when people... Who was I talking... Oh yeah, I was playing that beautiful jazz album that you got me. Which one?

The Something Tear. Oh, the Inflated Tear. The Inflated Tear. I see you were carrying it for your records. Oh, God. Right after I brought it up, I knew you were going to look over my stack of records on top of each other and just get them out. I almost wish I didn't mention it but having a friend like you is really important because

it's so nice to have someone who's dipping their fingers into all that weird music that's floating out there and bringing it back and showing it to you because otherwise I never would have heard that before. What's his name? Rashawn Rollenkirk. And he's blind. He's blind, yeah. He used to do a lot of acid, too.

Rashawn Rollenkirk. Rashawn Rollenkirk. Yeah, he has a lot of his songs are about what he dreams about or what his hallucinations are. If you're blind, it's obviously a lot different when you're hallucinating because the experience is totally different. Yeah, there was a thread on Reddit where they were asking blind people what's it like to hallucinate.

Yeah. And they were saying they could see, some of them could see colors. Really? Yeah. I kind of think, I've got to be like meditating, right? Because when you meditate, you, I see all kinds of stuff. I see crazy stuff. Like what?

I see a lot of like geometric stuff. But lately when I've been meditating, I think about like shapes and I'm able to like basically draw things in my head and I can sometimes draw them afterwards. But a lot of times it's three dimensional things that are moving. Like a spike. It's kind of hard to explain, like maybe like something like from Fantasia or something where it's things that are moving and weird animated geometric patterns and stuff. What do you think that is?

I don't know what it is. It's got to be just the brain moving. It's just, maybe it's a physical expression of thought or something. I don't really, I don't really know what it is. You know that Elliott Smith lyric that goes, I'm not clearly not a great singer anymore. I used to be, I had quite a career as a singer when I was in my teens. So you had that accident. Yeah.

He's got that great lyric that goes, I see colored bars when I come. It's so cool, man, but it's like, I see colored bars when I come. Yeah. But it's like, if you ever had that thing happen when you're tripping and you have an orgasm or you're just tripping and you don't have an orgasm, but you close your eyes and you see these very specific, yeah, very detailed shapes, right? Like that seemed more than just like a random thing that your brain's spitting out. But like, it seems like you're looking at a language that you just don't know.

Yeah. Sometimes I see an absolute color and I'm seeing that color for the, I feel like I'm seeing it for the first time, but seeing it for the, not for the first time, but the first time I'm actually, like, oh, I understand it. Like I've, I got the, I got the information download from that thing. What do you mean an absolute color? Like I've, like, like I see something, it's like I see it the whole thing purely. It's, and it's absolute, I guess the best way to like it is, you know how you can listen

to a song like a 50 times, right? You can listen to it. Yes. But there's one time when you actually, when you really hear it, really, really like hits home because there's something about the, oh, I get this now. I kind of, I'm hearing the thing that was trying to be conveyed. Yes. And that, I feel like that's maybe what happens sometimes is in those experiences.

You all, you kind of understand it, but you don't understand it in terms of being able to describe it or, or to write, to be able to describe it or to ascribe anything to it. You just understand it. You just know. Gnosis. It's like a thing. You just all of a sudden, you just know something. So this is the Platonic ideal you're talking about.

Like sometimes you witness the eternal form that all forms are based on. Is that what you're saying? It's like you feel it, man. Yeah. You just feel it. Yeah. And that's a great way to put it. You feel it.

Because like so often you think that you've gotten tired of a certain song or some kind of music and then you do hear it in just the right setting and just the right mood and suddenly you realize that it wasn't that you got tired of the song, but rather that you just didn't have the ability to open your heart up to what level that that song was functioning at. When that shit happens, it's a spike into your heart. It's a blast. It's a blast.

It's a fucking. Because when people record music, I don't think that they're just, I think that somehow in the future, they're going to figure this out, but in those strings of ones and zeros that a song is transformed into when it's in its intermediary state between being played and going into your ears in those ones and zeros, somehow there is captured emotion or feeling. Yeah. It's capturing, it's a kind of digitized telepathy, transmitting the emotional state

of the singer and the performer into your mind, not just the music. Well, that's what I think is going to be the next state of audio because right now we're kind of hitting a wall with how we listen to music. There'll have to be some sort of, I think of this for many years and it doesn't totally make sense to me what it would be, but there has to be some sort of a next level of listening to where when you're listening to it, there's a new level of experience in the sound, not just through your ears. There has to be something, something that's like another sense, maybe it's like a combination

of your senses, but some other way you're experiencing it that's not just hearing it. You made me think of like this right when you were saying that I imagine this, some futuristic music listening room, right? Lying on the floor of this room with wires coming out of it is a thing that looks like a sarcophagus. It's filled with a kind of nanopartic particulate, a kind of pudding, yeah, like a gel and you lay down in the gel and then when you're laying in the gel, the music at the quantum level is affecting every one of these nanoparticles so that the waves of the music are sort of

rolling up and down your body. And of course the gel is breathable. It's that shit from the abyss. It's massage gel. Yeah, it's breathable massage gel. There's some special breathable, what's that shit called? This new room massage gel. There's so many, you know, there's like so many boundaries that separate us from truly

enjoying our lives and that science just hasn't delivered yet and one of those things is breathable massage gel. That's very expensive and has like a, it emits a certain color of light. And it just responds. It can like, you lay in this stuff and there's pre-programmed undulations of the gel based on whatever it is that you want to experience. It's music, it's whatever you want. But it's, you know, this is a thing.

Did you ever see the abyss? Yeah. So remember that awesome pink shit that they breathe? So what was the liquid oxygen basically? Yeah, liquid oxygen. And it's like there's two things humans can't do. There's two things, well many things we can't do, but in the elements we're separated from the sky unless we want to be in a plane and we're separated from the ocean unless

we want to have scuba tanks on, those are the two things we can't do. And so there are these two essential freedoms that have been removed from us just by nature. But the idea of one day being able to go down to the beach and check yourself with a kind of like Ray Kurzweil white blood cell thing and just swim in and be like, guys, I'm just going to swim out as far as I can go. And you're going to be fine unless you get eaten by a shark or something. You can just swim, can you imagine the freedom to be able to like just swim down into the ocean when you get tired, you're not going to drown.

You just float underneath the sea, breathing the water, breathing the water. Maybe you, yeah, you're just floating out there. You've got a kind of like, you know, I don't know, probably a spear gun or some kind of weapon to protect you from the occasional great white that might come. I don't think they'd want to have anything to do with you, they'd be like, what the fuck is that weird trash? They'd just be like, great. There goes the neighborhood.

Oh God, they figured it out. God damn it. Ah, the monkeys are coming back. Oh God, they figured it out, God damn it. Yeah, because you know, there would be like, if that could happen, if we could figure out a way to breathe underwater, clearly the next thing that would happen is people would just start living down there. You'd build, you'd find caves and you'd just live down there.

If you didn't have to, that would, I lived down there, I liked seaweeds, pretty good taste. Yeah, you could just eat fish. You want to brush your teeth, ever? You'd never have to brush your teeth. You'd never have to brush your teeth. No such thing as bad breath in the ocean. Hey, we're down here now.

I ain't got a brush no more. No, it's just, it's all water. But you can't drink beer down here, Jerry. We got, somebody figures out, I tell you what, I'll go down there, when somebody figures out how to get a six pack in me. I ain't going to become one of those underwater sea people until they learn how to get beer into my fucking stomach under the sea. I ain't being one of those motherfucking underwater sea people.

Suck on my jack. Suck my dick, sea creep. I'll take a jackhammer down there and show you where Lannis is and right between my legs. Y'all can fuck off. But that's the thing, man, like if suddenly the ability happened, this is the thing, like, you know, so many people are trapped in whatever their country they're living in, like for example, the Gaza Strip. These people are trapped in the Gaza Strip, but if suddenly they learn to breathe underwater

and they're just like, well, see you guys later, I think they just go under the ocean and people would never see them again. I think they would, but wouldn't other people go there with them? They'd be like a real log jam, wouldn't they? There's so much space down there. There's a lot of space. There's so much space. There would be like whole new countries of undersea people that emerge.

That could be right now. I love thinking about that. Coast to coast, they have. Do they talk about aquatic cities? I think they have an Atlantis episode about once a month just to check in. All right, how's Atlantis doing? Is it still doing pretty good on color? We heard that you found Atlantis.

Is this true off the coast of Coral Gables, Florida? The Atlantis theory actually is not my favorite theory when it comes to hidden worlds within our world, but Hollow Earth theory to me is one of the greatest, coolest conspiracy theories of all time. I don't think I really know it, no. So Hollow Earth theory, and for listeners out there, this is why I wish we're going to go live soon and eventually you guys will be able to call in and correct us. But Hollow Earth theory is the idea that Earth is just a shell, and that floating in

the center of the Earth is another Earth, and that this Earth is called, this is Shangri-La, this is Shangri-La, no, Shambhala, no, Shangri-La, Shangri-La, Shangri-La, this is Shangri-La. And there's these cool stories, like a lot of people, Hollow Earth theory really caught on at one point, and people started thinking that in the Arctic, in the North Pole, in the Poles, there was like these... Oh yeah, there's portals. Portals. There's doors basically.

Yeah. That lead into this place where there's mammoths still, and there's all these prehistoric animals that went into the Earth somehow. There's a famous story of a Nazi submarine commander who says that he went into an underwater cave and emerged into this place with these super-intelligent people. They had a weird name for themselves too, like a really ominous name, like the happy people, or something spooky, like you wouldn't think people who lived in a cave would call themselves the...

The Jimmy's. Yeah, something like that. But the same report that they are, he said the same thing, there's mammoths down there, and that it's a paradise. It's a beautiful, beautiful paradise, and it's also people who believe in hollow Earth theories say that the idea of Hades, Hell, the notion of an underworld, all comes from an ancient primordial understanding that just underneath us, an entire other planet existed filled with gods.

Really? Yeah. Well, I don't know about that. I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it myself, but... And that's the idea that that's where the gray aliens come from. The grays? Yeah, the grays come from the Earth.

The space ships are actually rising up out of the ocean, and they're not coming from space. I've never heard that. I don't know how I've never heard that one before. Oh, it's a good one. It seems like all those places where there's like the ultimate paradise world, I always felt a little suspect, you know what I mean? When it's something that's...

It sounds... The whole sounds too good to be true, probably is kind of thing. Only with the other worlds. Well, I mean, I think the reason it activates something inside of me is that it's the dream of an escape from modern day society. That's always been the idea. I think anytime anyone talks about that stuff throughout history, that's the idea. It's a form of escapism.

And it used to be able to do that. That's what it was like before we knew what the Earth was. You get on a boat, you say goodbye to your friends. It meant something. You land on another continent, and there's people that you've never seen before. And they've never seen you. They've never seen you. You're trading strange things with them.

And you truly have no common ground, really, except the fact that you're maybe both humanoids. The only common ground is that your bacteria are killing them, whatever is on top of you is killing them. That's one of the great, what you're hearing there, friends, is a new addition to my household. That's my sweet little Gatsby. He's a puppy. He's my girlfriend's darling little pup. He loves to make sounds.

And he has the most high-pitched shriek. That's actually, that's what veterinarians call a kick and bark. Really? A kick and bark? No. What is that? That thing could shatter wine glasses. Oh my God, it's terrible.

It's like a Sonic X-ray weapon. He's barking at my bike. For some reason, he's looking at the bike, barking at it. By the way, not to get off course here, because I think we are getting to an interesting place, but is there, and the list of creepy things outside of seeing a ghost, actually, or looking out the window and seeing a guy wearing glasses staring in? Wine glasses. I don't know, just something about a spectacle voyeur is creepier than a non-spectacular voyeur.

I don't know why. But the, in the list of creepy things, what's more creepy than when your dog decides to start barking at a wall? Yeah, it's creepy. When their hackles go up and they're looking at nothing. So they're like, rrrrrrrrr. I'm like, no, there's nothing fucking there at all. I have on video.

Oh, this is, I heard about this. Thoughts. Picture of my mom in my office, sitting on a chair, beautiful picture. The Bennett shirt design t-shirts in Thailand had this beautiful picture drawn for me. It's all these pictures of my mom. I placed it up in my office. I'm sitting there with Fox. I'm typing on my computer.

He starts looking at that picture. And the same thing you were saying is hackles go up. He starts growling, whimpering, barking, seems afraid, is backing up. Right. Oh God. Shit, that scared the hell out of me. Even if it was theoretically the ghost of my mom, it's still scary. Didn't it happen at a significant time as well?

Or no? I don't remember. I don't think it was a significant time. I thought it was like a thing where he's lost his toy. Listen, we've gotten off track. I want to get back to this. Back to the- What we're talking about, hold on.

I'm going to, let me just- Put a dog filter on there. I'm going to put the dog to sleep. Hang on. God, I love that dog. Oh, what a sweetie. God, so sweet. Now, to get back to this thing, which is that what's been taken away from humans, which

has been one of the ways bees gather honey, or the way that birds build nests, is that sweet humans have always been migratory explorers who have stretched out from Africa and moved around the whole world. And there was this element of doing that that had within it discovery. Not I know what's going to be there, not I've looked at Google images of it, not I know exactly every single thing to expect from this place, but you would literally go into a place that no one alive from your genetic line had ever seen. You're basically committing yourself to possible death.

You're being like, I'm going to go into the abyss, I'm going to the unknown, this might be the end. This might be the end, but that's why you do it, is because you don't- That's why people love to fucking travel. People will never not like to travel, because that's a much smaller thing, but yeah, you can't really- It's very few places you can go now that are actually a place where you're- I don't know if you can go anywhere really, except there's a few isolated places, right?

The odds are that if you're a human being living today, you will never ever step foot on a place where no humans have ventured. That's the odds. Now, that's been that way for a very long time. If you're a subscriber to Graham Hancock's theory, he might say, well, that's been the way it's been since for countless multiple apocalypses where the human biomass spreads around the planet, meteors hit, disease strike, diseases strike, climate change happens and the thing dies off and starts again from tiny little clusters, tiny little spores, yeah.

But still, that kind of like rediscovery of a place that was once inhabited by the ancestors, even that would be a rush, you know? But there is something dismaying about going to a place populated with tourists, like when I went up to- when we went up to Arizona, or rather, Utah, it was- Zion? Zion National Park in Utah, there's this beautiful river that runs through a canyon- The Virgin River. That you can hike through.

That's a special river. But when you're hiking up this river, when you go to Zion National Park and you've been taken up in a tram and they've dropped you off and you go down into the river, you are exactly in the same company that you would find at the Glendale Galleria. Yeah, yeah, that's the case with some of those places. Well, when I went camping last time, I had the opposite experience because of my friend Patrick, who I've had in my podcast a bunch of times, he's like this expert. Let's talk about that.

Because this is- you sent me pictures of this place that you went to out in the middle of fucking nowhere. It was scary. How did this start? This is something I've been wanting to do is go on a nice camping trip and I think so many people kind of bat around in their heads, man, we should go on a camping trip, but you never do it. How did you get your shit together enough to actually go out into a beautiful wilderness?

Well it wasn't my shit together so much as Patrick. Who's Patrick? Patrick Lien is a friend of mine from Minnesota and he works for the USGS and he does these jobs for about five months at a time in different locations where he counts certain species. Right now he's kind of this certain type of African but an alpine frog that lives in these high elevation lakes. He has to count them. He goes out there on these really aggressive three or four day hikes where he has to go

on these- Aggressive. Like he climbs a 14,000 foot peak to go up to these remote locations that no one can get to. Wow. A sampling of the area, like a random sampling to see where these animals are. So he's backpack extremo. So basically he's a guide and he guided us up to this one of many places you can go to

that are- there's no evidence of any human beings being there whatsoever. You're up there and it looks like fucking Narnia or something. How far is the hike up there? It's not that- that's the thing. It's not very far at all. It's a day hike for that- when I see that picture it was just a day hike and we got caught in a vicious thunderstorm, thought we're going to fucking die up there. We're off the trail at about 11,000 feet and it- we got hit by three waves of lightning

and thunder and hail. And then we got after that cleared out and dropped down to like 20 degrees cooler than it was. It was really cold and we get up there in this pristine alpine lake. It was something- it was one of those things where I really felt like I was on a psychedelic drive. It's like I had taken mushrooms because it was something where everything I looked at because the way the light was filtering through the clouds and how it was later in the day

so it was like that sort of evening light, it just looked- everything looked- you can't describe it. It's one of those things where- Try. Remember that part in Contact, the movie Contact where Jodi Foster, when she's traveling through space she says I wish they had sent a poet? Ah yeah. That's how I felt because I was- I was like I don't- I don't have the skill to describe what I'm seeing because it's just- I feel like I'm being enveloped by just utter beauty

and I'm- I was completely sober and exhausted and just made it through these like- I've been climbing for hours and it was something where I've never felt so exhausted but so energetic at the same time. Sometimes I wonder if my inability to describe beauty is not so much related to a lack of skill as much as a kind of fear of really bearing my heart because- Really? Yeah, because when you're in like that kind of beauty the words that come to you aren't going to be words- aren't like popular words that people are going to want to hear.

They're- Right. I want to weep. It feels like this is the mother. Yeah. I'm in Contact- I felt like crying actually. I really did.

And I- I partially was because I was so exhausted and just slipped on a log and cracked my shit open and was bleeding and stuff. But at the same time it was something where it doesn't- like to even try to describe with words is not the point because it's something where it's the experience and it's the thing where if I went there tomorrow, if I went there even five hours after it was there for the first time it would not be the same because it's- it's always changing and that- that moment existed for that one- for a brief period of time and that will- it will never happen again.

Well, yeah. It felt so much as it felt so- it felt really precious in that sense. You're returning to the life matrix that all things originated from. You're returning to like the- the- the- what used to be. You know, this is the- if you read Walden, have you ever read Walden? So there's this- it's a- it's a beautiful book but it's kind of a mournful book. You know? Right.

The inevitable encroachment of human society into the world and the gradual extinction of spaces like what you're talking about. Spaces that are precious that are untouched and have been raped. And- and- yeah. And- and- and the- and the- and the- the- the primal experience that is available there or the kind of like, you know, it's a language. When you go into nature, you know right away if you give yourself a little time to be still that you're being spoken to, but you don't quite understand the language.

Yeah. But you know you're being- it's talking to you in the way the birds move through the sky, the reflection of the light on the water, the feeling of the breeze against your face, the sense of vast openness in your heart where this door swings open and you feel like you have suddenly become like a- the super dome where they have like football games like your heart has suddenly transformed into like an empty huge spacious thing because you're blending into the expansiveness of nature that you're in and the nature and it's welcoming you in some odd way.

It's like having this chat with you, but we forgot that fucking language. That's the language that your friend probably speaks that language a little bit or you're like probably indigenous peoples can speak that language. I think shamans probably speak that language a little bit. It's about stillness and I think that's a big thing. I mean, there's some quote I just saw from Ram Dass just the other day and he talks about that all the time. It's just about how quietness and how the things that come to you when you're still

and quiet and listening and watching as opposed to the other way around. If you're trying to find it and try searching and making effort versus just allowing the situation to just letting it be. Yeah and theoretically the communication will come to you regardless of your surroundings if you can still yourself enough, but it seems like certain places are more conducive. Yeah, they bring it out. They help you. It's like a little kick in the pants to help you to get to that place as opposed to some

people. I've known people who can meditate. You're meditating on a subway car. You're meditating in this office where everyone's fucking chattering. Some people can do that, but I can't do that. The meditation is a fantastic vehicle, but however you get to that space, just that moment it's not just the moment of what we're talking about here is the moment of you hear a song that you've heard a million times for the first time.

You go into nature and are reminded of this thing that you've always known was there, but you completely lost touch with it like running into an old friend that you haven't seen for years and you just start right at the very place that you left off. It's the exact same sense of like sustenance. You're eating. You haven't been eating. Yeah. It feels really good.

It's definitely sustaining. It's like there's a lot of substance to it. Some guy, that guy who wrote that book, The War of Art talks about how you had a dream, I think when he was meditating or something, about how when a bird's flying, it's not scared it's going to fall out of the air because the air is thick. It's thick to a bird. It's not something where you have to, you're like, you're going to fall through. You can feel when an eagle flaps its wings, it feels like this air is thick with stuff.

Energy waves. Yeah, energy. It's something there. It's not empty. And he talks about that's like the same, that's the same as you can, I mean, I'm not sure how you make that an analogy, but it's the same sort of thing where in nothingness there is everything, even though it seems like it's the opposite. This is that high that the astronauts talk about when they get into space for the first

time and look down at the earth and suddenly you're filled with this inexpressible sense of awe at this living, spinning, beautiful egg floating in the vastness of space. I think it's because I think even when you're in space, you realize that this thing that you're talking about, the invisible energy of life is there in the vacuum of space too. And then you start realizing that, oh God, this thing that I'm in is big. It's so gigantic. It's gigantic. It's incomprehensibly massive.

And I think probably that sense of like leaving the atmosphere of the planet and recognizing that this like exhalation or inhalation that seems to be producing planets and black holes does not suddenly, it doesn't stop when you leave the planet, but it just continues and then it's full of stars. Oh my God, we've got some stars up here. One, two, we can't count them. Yeah, but God damn it, man. I would so love to drink a beer under the ocean.

That would be so... Wouldn't that be... That would be awesome. To funnel one, to funnel a beer, 10,000 feet under. Just to experience that freedom. I mean, that's what we need is, it feels like that's what our, that would be such a cure for so many things that seem to be ailing our poor, pitiful, brainwashed, superstitious species is just a new place to explore, a new place to go to where you could just keep

walking in one direction and never run into another person. God, that'd be great. There are places like that though. There's a lot of them in California. Yeah, but they don't have internet. That's the problem. You can't Instagram it, man. You can't Instagram it, it didn't happen.

Nogram it. Nogram it in space. Did you hear about this new magnetic engine or microwave engine? Tell me about it. Tell me more. Well, there's this, I'll actually, you know, I'll look it up so that I don't completely butcher it. I'm always butchering everything.

Okay, so if you know how magnets, they want to go other directions from the magnet, it's the other kind of magnet. If you did that, what if you'd put those on a car and put them on everybody's bumper? It's like that. That way you can drive around nobody getting in an accident. Wouldn't that be good? So this is, this is from, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off there. I didn't mean to cut off what?

Ten questions about NASA's impossible space drive answer. This is from Wired UK and this says, let's find out. This is such a tiny force, likely to be an error. Okay. This is called an M drive, an EM drive and basically what it is, is... Electromagnetic drive? Yes, they have figured out a way to run microwaves inside some kind of vacuum space and it creates thrust and they don't understand why.

And so what's, when you're traveling through space currently, the big problem is you've got to, like if you want to go to Mars and come back, you need a lot of energy, you need a lot of fuel and that's heavy and so to carry fuel to, so that means that... There's a math coefficient there where it's like at some point the fuel becomes, you can't have enough fuel to carry the fuel you need to carry the fuel. That's it. Yeah. And that's that problem because without the fuel using microwave energy, it creates thrust

and in space, you only need the minimal amount of thrust because if you keep applying a consistent state of thrust in space, there's no drag and so you will accelerate over time, you will begin to accelerate really, really, really fast. They say that with this news drive, we can get to Mars in four weeks, three weeks, we can get to Mars in four weeks. How fast are you traveling then? Well, let's see, here's, I'll read this, this is from question five, this is 10 questions about NASA's new drive.

Question five, even if it works, how can such a small thrust push a spacecraft? So it says, the NASA paper says the expected thrust to power for initial flight applications is expected to be in the 0.4 Newton per kilowatt range, I don't know what that means, which is about seven times higher than the current state of the art hall thruster in use on orbit today. How does this get us to Mars? The small but steady push of the EM drive is a winner for space missions, gradually accelerating spacecraft to high speed.

The NASA paper projects a conservative manned mission to Mars from Earth orbit with a 90 ton spacecraft, driven by the new technology using a two megawatt nuclear power source. It can develop 800 Newtons of thrust. The entire mission would take eight months, including a 70 day stay on Mars. Jesus. Yes. So intense, man. That is such an intense thing that just happened.

It's been around for a while, but you know, it takes people time to test the ... It takes forever. ... to test the stuff out, but that's very exciting to think that with just now they're discovering a way. If you can get to Mars in two months, that means that we could easily ... That's a very short amount of time. That's a short amount of time, man. That's like basically, that's not any time really in terms of human time.

Yeah. That's an amazing thing to imagine that instead of like, because if it takes you a year or half a year, however long, just to get a tiny little rover up there, it's going to ... The amount of time it would take to colonize Mars is human, is generations. But they say with this thing, we could get to the nearest galaxy within 30 years. So that means that all the elites will be able to have a place they can live once Earth is popularized, completely filled up and all the elites can jettison to start the Martian colony and Earth will be left to people with low credit scores.

Isis. Yeah. Isis and low credit scores with two countries. The Earth will just be like a bunch of fanatics with low credit scores. A bunch of caliphates. That's some scary shit, huh? I think that's going to happen, too. My theory is that, you know, more and more things have a reach ... A credit card is

become more integral into more and more things. Yes. Become a thing where there's certain things you can't do unless you have a credit card. Absolutely. And more and more people have credit cards. It's going to be ... You can't buy food on a plane. It's going to come to the point where you have to have a credit card to do things. And if you can't get a credit card, it's basically ... It's a further separation between lower

class and higher class. It's like a crowbar that's sectioning off people to where there's basically two types, two classes. Either in the credit class, where you are upper class, credit class, and the low, the untouchables. Six, six, six, the number of the beast. You know, I'm like ... I have spent the last two or three years working on my credit score because I racked my credit when I was a comedian.

I just ... When I was, I guess I still am, but when I was a broke comedian, I was using credit to buy things I couldn't afford, like an idiot, and I wrecked my credit, and I finally got it good. My credit is good. I finally achieved a good credit, and I experienced that honky pride. Oh, it is a pride. It's a special pride. My credit score, I didn't even know it, but when I moved it ...

What do you have? It's the highest you can have. What do you have? I'm not sure. I think it's like 1680. You don't get that high. Credit doesn't get that high. Maybe I'm thinking of something else, but whatever it is, it's ...

You're thinking about your IQ. Yeah. I don't even know. I just gave you a number, telling me to turn around, walk out. No, you're right, Johnny. It's gross. It doesn't mean anything. It's meaningless.

But it also, aside from the fact that having this certain number, it does mean something. It actually does mean something. Well, it does mean something, but I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it's a number that's being used to assign people. It's a way to tell. It's a bad thing. Here's what it is. It's a way to tell, if I loan money to you, I will have a return on my investment for

sure. That's all it is. It's like turning people into stocks. It's like, your credit score basically represents how volatile your stock as a human being is for a guy who wants to make money off the interest he'll accrue off of loaning you money. If you've got a high credit score, then for someone who has shit tons of money, and when people have shit tons of money, one thing they quickly realize is that, oh, if I just pour this money in the right places, that money turns into more money.

I don't have to work. I don't have to do anything. Just put the money in the right place. The money will grow more money, and I will continue to get super rich. Mega rich. That's what a credit score is. A good credit score is so that a reptilian, as he's flipping through his catalog, will come to you and be like, oh, wonderful.

Give that man a car. It's also the opposite, though, because if people have lower credit scores, people who have worse credit, they're more likely to get credit cards because it's the whole predatory lending thing still going on with credit cards. If they don't want me to have a credit card because I fucking pay my bill every month, I don't make them any money. I mean, obviously, I make the money when I charge something because they get a piece of it through that transaction fee, but you make them make a lot more money off a person

who defaults on their payments and has to pay penalties and get charged interest. It's all this stuff. They're preying on people who can't afford the product that they're selling. They like it all, man. They love it. Did you hear? They love it. It's only getting worse, too.

It's getting with car loans. And you've heard how they've changed. Everything can possibly do. Have you seen the way they've changed the way you're computing credit scores? I have no idea. So this is the news, is that they are changing the way that they, right, okay, so currently if you have unpaid, like if you go 90 days or however long without paying a credit card, you're delinquent, that will knock your credit score down by five or 10 points, depending.

And so what they're doing now is they're making it so that if you have taken care of your debt, whatever it is, if you paid it off, they will no longer mark your credit score for five years. So everybody's credit score is about to go up. Now the reason they did that, it's got to be devious, but it's devious. But here's my theory about why they did that, because what happens is if you're somebody who's got shitty credit and you owe $20,000 or $10,000 or whatever it is to a credit card company, you go into a place of absolute hopelessness and you just say to yourself, you know what? I'm going to get a new phone number.

They can fuck off. They'll never find me. I'm never going to pay it. I'll just live off of cash and figure out a way to survive on phones that I buy with those prepaid cards you can get it best by. That's what happens. They don't even attempt to pay off the debt. So in a way, I think the credit card companies have recognized that that's actually more

harmful to getting the debt paid off. So by saying, listen, if you guys just start doing minimum payments, we're going to up your credit score, and then all this money will come flooding back in from people who decide to start trying to pay off their debt. So that's the credit news from the Dunkin' Dress family I'm by the cab. They had news, Experian, Experian, you want to check the credit score, go to fucking Experian. Hey, man, what's up? You want to go rafting?

No, I'm going to check an Experian dime. But don't forget that it's not just that, you know, having good credit is going to give you access to more and more services. But it's also going to. You sound like a fucking reptilian right now. It's also here. Access to services. Yeah, yeah, it is.

That's what it does. Access to services. Concierge program. Just listen. Free tickets. Here comes the real reptilian. Hey, Jay-Z and Madonna are playing this week, and you want some tickets? A higher credit score will give you the ability to take out medical loans, which will allow

you to replace your white blood cells with new white blood cells, increasing your life span by 100 years. Do you really want to die when you're 80? Enjoy this beautiful world! Take out a medical loan and live to be 300! Experian. Yeah, Experian is going to let you live to be 300! I'm so sorry.

I'm going to have to deny you this medical loan. We went through your credit card, your credit records, you only have a 640 credit score. So sorry, we won't be able to replace your blood today. But I'm going to die without the blood. I'm sorry. We need you to move on. Derek, will you please show Ms. Swanson out to the waiting zone? It's going to be like people, you know how you see car commercials, which are the funniest

fucking things ever, because all a car is, it's a fishing lure the bank is using to get a dumb person to get into debt, it's terrible, it's gotten worse, it's getting worse every day. But whenever you see a car commercial or you see a, like a, well you're seeing, that's a great analogy. It's the exact same thing that they throw in front of the fish, you know, and it's like shiny, it's like, it's moving, and like there's this, and what goes along with a package of a car commercial, it's never just a car, they never just show, they never just show a car,

four wheels, great radio, here's the engine, it's a lifestyle, it's your, you're always in there with that young family, you're starting your family with your beautiful wife. She's ambiguously ethnic and has perfect cleavage. Ambiguously ethnic and God, she's so, so happy and you're so happy and this is it. Is that a vampire weekend concert at Trader Joe's happening? The doors are opening to your new married life with your beautiful wife and your beautiful car that you're going to drive your baby around it. This is the day, this is the day that you're looking for, it's right now, right here in

a Nissan. Making it happen, you're a man, opening doors wherever you can, opening the doors and stepping into a Nissan tonight, baby. Safe and fun and hip and so, so, so yeah, it's a fishing lure, but you're going to see commercials in the future where it's like a family at a medical loan building where they're, where it's like, they accepted our loan, we're going to live to be 300 where you're sitting with your daughter at the table and you're like, good news, honey, we had our white blood cells replaced today and where your dad, mommy and daddy are going to live to be 300.

Great. Medical loans, you're going to live to be 300. We can make the payment on a 300 year loan solo, yes, it's $500 million for this treatment, but over the course of 300 years. You can't afford not to. You can't afford not to. Yeah, it's going to happen, it's going to start, because you've already got, the fact that there's a commercials right now for Experian, there's a commercial, like what are they selling

anything? There's a commercial, you see commercials for oil companies now, like commercials that are goodwill campaigns for oil companies. Yeah, those are always curious to me, like those are just PR campaigns because they have so much money, they just like, yeah, let's just do some PR work. Paid us less. But the Experian commercial and the credit commercials and the free credit report commercials and all of those commercials are a kind of propaganda designed to enforce the notion

that what makes a person good or functional is not their ethics or morals, but their ability to repay debt and their ability to have like a disciplined spending habits. There's a really, really great, funny book, maybe we've talked about before, we've talked about this before, a super sad, true love story, I think it's by Gary Sheinhardt. I don't think so. So fucking funny. It's funny like Grand Theft Auto is funny, but it's also about sort of near future in New York City where credit is the most important thing and longevity.

It's based on like Kurzweil and based on Aubrey de Grey's idea of like living forever through special chemicals and stuff. It's such a funny book, it's hilarious, but it's also kind of scary because everything he writes about seems so plausible and so capable of becoming an actual thing in the near future like in our lifetime. Maybe if I credit these polls you walk by that project your credit score when you walk by. Yeah, that's cool.

That's cool. You know man, death is bedtime for humans and the same way when it's time for the baby to go to bed at seven, the parents come in and put the baby to bed and in the same way as humans evolve and as our species continues to be on the planet, it makes sense that our bedtime is being extended as we get older. We're getting extra hours to watch late night TV and eventually it does make sense that once the human species goes from its teen years into adulthood, the curfew will be completely lifted and going to sleep will no longer be a requisite but an option where you decide

that you've had enough of this particular node of the simulator and you're ready to go back into oblivion. That's going to happen for sure man and definitely the division is going to be a socio-economic division for sure. It's already happening. It's going to be more extreme. Like what's it? What's a HG Wells' book?

Time Machine. That makes more and more sense. The idea that there's two classes and the elites are basically idiots living above ground just dining on fruit and living in waterfalls where they have the slave class of underlings under the ground. Well it's obviously heavily exaggerated. But it becomes more awful because humans will become less than slaves in the sense that it will be so inefficient to have a slave.

Then you have the new IBM made Android with downloadable updates where you can teach the thing to host a scrabble game or make tea. Because people become like nothing more than their flesh even. Irrelevant. They become basically. Dog food. Irrelevant. Well yeah.

Maybe dog food. Yeah. The best dog food. They become not the physical labor becomes something that is unnecessary. It's not valuable. It's no longer valuable. But there will be worth. There will be things that have value.

It just won't be the ability to haul boxes all day long. It's going to be other things. That's cache. Yeah. Yeah. In like hair swirl. Yeah. It's going to be.

They call it a new renaissance. It's like dystopian renaissance that we're looking at where modes of self expression become what's valuable. Your ability to articulate yourself in creative ways or to create novelty in the world and invent things and bring things into the world that will become incredibly valuable. I think podcasts are a part of it for sure. Yeah man. Yes.

You know backflips being able to do a successful backflip landing it sticking to landing on a backflip being able to the whole moral of a hard day's work. You know that that whole ethic or what's called slave morality which is you will often hear people diss somebody you know of the older people especially will not working hard there haven't done a hard day's work in this entire life let me see your hands. Let me see your hands now boy looks like you got some hands fit to you couldn't open up an orange with those hands there when I look at your hands I look feel like I'm looking at man a spread on a bun boy what is that a five pieces of a pussy by the time I was

your age my hands were bloody leathery scarred stumps I had stump pumpers they were the size of a flash flutter you kidding me I could cut open a jar with my damn nail I could open two jars and I had to cut it open for mama because she had lost all of her hands trying to do the same thing I had to do for her we used to make charcoal in the backyard and we were happy I used your mother's clitoris to make charcoal we used to take that clit and heat it up good and hot get it red hot and flick it that's a human spray but that's a that's certainly a one of the that was always the mark of a good person is that they they spend hours and hours a day sweating and laboring not for their own lives but for some boss and

this is this kind of morality is evil and is just as bad as the notion of credit scores it's just the same thing really which is that toy there is placed in the mind of so many people the notion that what is most important in life is to toil day after day for a boss who you are making money for and are not being fairly compensated and that is considered to be normal that's not normal that's not normal so if that starts falling apart it's like it's not that so much humans are no longer valuable it's that humans are no longer laborers humans go from being the value of a human is no longer represented by their ability to make money for a person that is exploiting them but the value of a human transforms into their ability

to spread love happiness joy and to novelty and to be creative that's a person's value the big problem though just a lot of people and a lot of people don't get that and won't get that and people like that tend to cause more problems for other people it's like a a negativity infection that happens and that's why that's why I have anything that's negative negative is just the spread of negativity through contact throughout osmosis that's damn right you know it's this is something where unfortunately they don't have it but they need it which is the cnc centers for negativity control which will be great marks the spread of negative means as they go pouring through society that is able to track in the same way they're like oh shit there's an ebola outbreak in

rwanda they could say oh holy shit there's an outbreak of jaded hipsters who are angry at george carlin let's uh who's angry at george carlin oh god no it's no you know there there are so many of like you know what i'm saying man there's like there's an inevitable like uh there'll be a fashionable attitude that breaks out where all of a sudden we all find ourselves plagued with the awful i hate justin bieber disease or just caring caring at all about something like that like yeah yeah caring about something like so insignificant and dumb just it's like a it's almost not even negativity because it's even worse it's like this neutral sort of just grayness worried about isis worried about a thing that has no relevance in my life whatsoever yeah yeah and

and that is a that is as much a kind of flu or disease as anything else and it's just as contagious and so often when you find yourself sitting with someone and suddenly the words coming out of your mouth as you're watching them emerge you realize these are words that don't paint the picture of us being the very tip of a genetic trees that has its roots in the big bang but rather you'll find that the story that you're telling people is a ghost story of some sorts about how we exist on a deteriorating planet where our only hope is to increase our credit score so that we can live longer live for the now and then you'll look down at your body and you'll look down at your life and you'll look down at the fact that you've got nipples and are capable of orgasms and inevitably

you have friends around you and if you don't have friends around you you can essentially go wherever you want and that no matter what you can always escape from this terrible dimension and you're just a few pills away from infinity and then suddenly you realize that you are actually in heaven yeah and and that's what the centers for negativity control would do you know they would just explain it to you like point blank to make you understand that it's exactly that you're here right now it's great it's good here's a b12 shot and uh b12 yeah exactly are they in the same way like the cdc sends people into the fucking uh into rwanda uh at the risk of like getting ebola to treat ebola in the same way cnc would send super trained people into the most negative

situations into the darkest most backwards hipster bars and the creepiest clusters of art stars wearing like all orange yeah like funky shoes and a smile no not not you maybe not even so over maybe these are like trained ninjas oh yeah they're they're positivity ninjas yeah they're the people who like when you get around them they're the people where you you can be in the most miserable mood of your life right you're around them for just a few seconds and suddenly the story that they're telling is one of uh your infinite potential as a human being to do anything that you want in this incarnation and they're able to express that in a way that is inarguable and undeniable by pointing out the fact that the very uh your very existence is a lottery win as far as

the great span of the universe goes and somehow they just say in a way you're like holy shit yeah and they make you oh you can do actually you can do whatever you want oh yeah you're not chained you know you're not really stuck in that relationship or job or you're not really trapped by whatever you think your disability is or did you know that money doesn't exist yeah there's no such thing as credit friend did you know that doesn't exist yeah yeah did you know that at your very core there is a fountain of infinite love that you can connect to at any moment and experience orgasmic buddha level bliss at any time that you want and i feel it right now because i figured out how to do it holy shit did you know there's more bacteria and yogurt than there is money in the

world this spoonful of sheep's milk yogurt has more bacteria than there is money and people will be running away from this cnc just like just like in rwanda with ebola they'd be like those people are fucking assholes man if you get around them too long you're not gonna you won't be able to write jokes anymore you start getting nice to everybody you start feeling terrible for talking shit about people you're ruining your ability to be an asshole man don't get around it well unhappiness is easy it's easy to be negative it's like the it's the it's the well-traveled path it's downhill it's easy to do and every once in a while i'm so i've been badly no you've been good man i mean personally like i find myself getting irritable like if the dumbest things and that's that's what

that is that's just that that little thorn of like me warning to machete the guy who's fucking truck honked at night in the morning you know yeah it's that it's terrible but yeah well you know it's it's uh it reminds me of this amazing story that ramdas tells about the time that he got a phone call from a woman freaking out on acid who uh thought she was going insane and uh she was like talking to ramdas she's like i'm on acid i've lost my mind i've gone completely insane i'm losing and he's like okay well let me talk to the person who dialed the phone and who knew to call me because that person sounds like they're just fine you sound completely out of your mind but it's like when you so that so you have this function of these two states of being

that are happening at any given time inside of you and for me there's the selfish uh ego dunking game which is that's what they call it it's a game you're playing the game of the self so you're playing the johnny game the johnny pemberton game and it's the people you like it's the people you don't like it's the things you consider success it's the things you consider failure that's the game you're playing and then the whole time that you're playing that game there's this other side that's watching you play the game and that's that still silent or still small voice that just says yeah look you're angry right now it's not angry that voice and then if you experiment with it you can suddenly find that you can jump from the johnny game to that voice right

and now you're just that thing whatever that is and that's when that goddamn balloon effect happens where you turn into a super bowl arena where suddenly you and they call it expansiveness where you're like you just feel huge it feels great i always feel that way after meditating i feel like there's like a i get at least a 30 minute little window there of of pretty good pure positivity to where i just want to be like some benevolent blanket and just cover the earth and oh hey yeah sometimes i think that uh people such as ourselves who think about and talk about this stuff a lot it's because uh we're sort of plagued with with darkness to some extent plagued and that's always the case i think is that people who are who think about it and

maybe seem like they are on top of it or dealing with that in the most is because they have the biggest problem with it yes it's true because i know i have if i don't get on top of it i'll be consumed with it i'll be consumed with the fucking crystal crystal shard in my skull working toward the my brainstem they're gonna turn the world black pandora's box man open that thing up and all the sorrows of the world flew into the hearts of men and women but yeah and i'm the same way yeah and uh you're a demon and at any given moment i do have a demonic element to myself as we all do that's what carol young called the shadow and it's the the it's an inescapable thing and and the the choice that you get as a human being is you either get to fully focus on that thing that

you call yourself the johnny the duncan whoever it is that you are whatever your name is you will quickly realize that you are the vast expanse of infinite time that has become fixated on the most minute and tiny infinitesimal portion of the great cosmic exhalation and that is why you suffer because in the same way that a an elephant knows when this tiny little guy's riding on top of it and beating it with a bamboo stick there's something inside the elephant that's like i'm a fucking elephant i could get you off of me in two seconds and trample you into jello right in the same way in the deepest part of human beings i believe that there is a fundamental uh part of ourselves that knows i'm a universe i'm a fucking universe i am the great expanse of all things and i am being

ridden by an angry little bearded neurotic shithead right now right you're like a you're a mushroom cap you're just an extension of the great mycelial mat which is aliens absolutely it's aliens and aliens are it and and and it's god too you know or it's whatever you want to call it uh it's whatever you want to call it god is dog god is dead and dead is life dog is jed and jed is one of the great characters of tv history from beverly hillbilly i was thinking of jed isn't jed and fall out or jed in one of those video games how great would it be if this podcast was called beverly hillbilly's talk and it's like meant to always talk about the beverly hillbilly how do we get sidetracked you always get sidetracked into talking about i mean we're gonna talk about episode 103 where

marjorie gets falls in love with the banker you know what i talked about eddie pepidone talked about that one of his podcasts i accidentally regurgitated something from a podcast i did just now um my apologies eddie pepidone i don't know why i did that you're a thief i'm a podcast thief well guys we have got to wrap this up so we are gonna end it on a song that johnny's been preparing for the last couple of weeks for this podcast it's a really good song oh and before we do johnny's song please all of you out there go to dunkintrustle.com look at our dates i'm going on the road with sweet johnny pemberton here hey and get those tickets in advance because they are moving really fast and i'm not just saying that they're actually moving quick just buy them

in advance i don't buy tickets in advance either but when i don't buy tickets in advance sometimes i wish you had you wish you had and that's a shitty thing so just do it go online it's not like they're even that expensive it's really cheap tickets for this tour come see us do stand up comedy if you haven't seen the glorious johnny pemberton perform then you're somebody who didn't get to experience watching jesus walk across water because it's that beautiful and miraculous a thing and sometimes unicorns actually come exploding out of interdimensional portals in the wall they're very small but they smell so good it's not like like peppermint and eucalyptus yeah but some of them smell like diapers also but if you want if you want to come see just me

i'll be in wilmington a few days before we're at the laughing skull that weekend at the dead crow in wilmington and at the barcade in uh someplace else before that so guys go to these shows please come see us say hello let us hug you let us touch your sweet sweet bodies and rub oil and jam all over your face this is johnny pemberton with his track where does the crow go where does the crow go oh david your cast is blasting off of cracker jacks oh sweet baby david right right oh sweet baby david your cracker jack cast got cast and go thrown back

oh sweet baby david your daddy's coming back with the knapsack it's filled with the babies heads lopped off from the villagers bin and jerry's favorite kind of ice cream bin and jerry's favorite ice cream is made from sperm of a horse but you never will ride without horse sperm there'd be no horses why do you hate on the white white horse fur white horses of courses that's skid the horses white horses of courses let's skid the horses oh sweet baby david david your cracker jack cast fell off oh david your sweet cracker just got cast fell off you have a bunch of a scare of beetles

that make up your diaper scare of beetles crawling on your body that eat the shit as it leaves your body your sweet baby david sweet baby david sweet baby david sweet baby david thanks for coming on johnny beautiful song bye donkin bye bye bye thanks for listening everybody that was johnny pemberton check out his podcast twisting the wind it's on feral audio the podcast network which i am on and don't forget to go to huluplus.com slash family hour and sign up for a trial membership give it a shot it works on everything apple tv xbox you name it you can stream hulu plus right into your tv let your tv enjoy a nice warm stream of hulu plus all over its circuit boards go to huluplus.com slash

family hour and most importantly love yourself forgive yourself and be sweet to those darlings around you don't put vinegar sponges in the mouth of people who are dead asleep in the world give them big fat juicy hugs harry christina see you next week