Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Johnny Pemberton VS AT&T

Episode Date: January 25, 2018

A 3 hour mega episode in which Johnny Pemberton confronts the soulless void that is the gestalt of AT&T. Trigger warning- if you're not prepared to experience the feeling of having your soul extracted by an ancient monolithic hive of cultists then skip over this episode because it will bang your gong, baby.

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Trussell family hour podcast. And one thing I've learned over the years of doing this podcast is that if I'm having a hard time getting a podcast intro recorded, it's because there's something I'm afraid to talk about. And the way I deal with this is I will either sort of skirt around the issue. I'll do the ultra cop out, which is like, we got a great episode, no need for an intro, or I'll try to do some kind of like really psychedelic, funny, weird thing in the beginning, but all of these are usually attempts to procrastinate

saying what's going on. And I think that's not necessarily the worst thing in the world, because sometimes it takes a little bit of time to really figure out what it is you're thinking or what it is that you're going through. And yet I always feel a kind of aching guilt when I'm not honest with you guys about what's happening, because over the years that I've been doing this thing, what I've learned is whenever I'm honest with you, usually the feedback I get is thanks for being so honest that helped a lot.

And then you'll often give me little tips or advice or things for me to think about that encourage me to be more honest the next time. So I feel like I'm letting you down a little bit if I don't fully report in. So fuck it. Here's what's going on. I'm going to, I'm just going to say it. It's probably going to come out in some imperfect way. Of course, duh, but I'm just going to say it.

And then we're going to dive into this hilariously weird episode with Johnny Pemberton. All right, here's the thing. Since that Chris Ryan episode, uh, I have been experimenting with, uh, non-monogamy polyamory. I've been seeing two wonderful beings who have a lot of experience being non-monogamous polyamorous, who just aren't monogamous people. And, uh, they've been teaching me in a lot of things about how to, how to,

how to do it. And, um, man, it's really, there's a lot of things that keep coming to mind. One of them is the time I was hanging. Well, one of them is any time I've been hanging out with some of my friends who have given up monogamy and have judged those friends. So I think back to time, and I don't know which of them I can, I can name. So, um, I'm not going to name any of them, but, uh, I could just think of times that they've been talking to me about what they're going through.

And I've secretly been judging them, thinking like, oh my God, really? You're okay with that? Like you're, it doesn't bother you that you're, it doesn't bother you that your girlfriend is like fucking some dude somewhere that doesn't eat you alive, man. That doesn't drive you up the fucking wall. And, um, of course, I wouldn't say that. Or if I did say it, I would probably be a little less brutal about it. I would say something like, man, well, I'd say the truth, which is like, wow,

that'd really fucking bother me, man. That would drive me crazy. I don't think I'd be able to sleep at night knowing that was happening. And then I would think to myself, well, they're, they're being weak. That's not very masculine is what I would think. And, um, that's, it's, it's all insanity. It's all, it was just crazy, crazy, insecure judgment, all stemming from, I think, uh, a kind of massive flaw in my idea, ideas of what intimate love

is supposed to look like. And I think a lot of those ideas got implanted in my head, um, through in a lot of different ways. And I think it's a real brutal burden to carry around that this insane idea that love looks like a person being controlled by your expectations and that love looks like a person giving up intimate connections to half the species so that they can be with you and that love looks like a person cutting off all the potential sweetness they could experience from different lovers than you.

And, but I think I really believe that for a long time. And I think because of that belief, I probably caused a lot of people, including myself, a lot of heartache and pain, people who had to put up with my jealousy and, and, and weirdness and attempts to manipulate and control all because I just wanted to like be the most important thing in their life out of a kind of narcissistic, egoic need to be the center of their universe or something like that. I mean, it's not so cut and dry. Like if you've ever gone through anything like that before, you know, it's not

like cutting, it's not like you're waking up in the morning thinking, how can I make myself the center of this person's universe? How can I prevent this person from, uh, experiencing happiness with another person other than me? How can I make sure that this person is, um, definitely not going to pursue anything that looks remotely like something more than a basic platonic friendship with other people in their, in their life. You don't think about it like that.

It's, it's almost instinctual. It's like some low level, like adjusting of their rules, producing rules and questions and there are interrogations. There will be interrogations. There will be questions. Their phone will buzz and you'll look at it. You'll try to see the, the text that pops up on the screen. Just really embarrassing stuff like that.

And, and that's the person that I have become in many relationships. And I'm really sorry that I was that person. And now that I'm learning about this other way of doing love and realizing that the thing I was most terrified of is in fact, the thing I should have been like headed towards, um, I'm having a similar experience to somebody who's like sobering up after a two decade alcoholic blackout where I'm looking back and thinking, my fucking God, what was I thinking? Why was I acting like that?

Who was I? Why would I be so jealous? Why would I be so embarrassing? Why would I be so controlling? Why was I, why was I like that? So that's kind of where I'm at. I mean, it sounds like I feel ashamed or guilty. It's, it's not so much that as much as a sense of regret.

A feeling of like, fuck man. Like there were a lot of times where I was like talking to people, you know, someone who's like completely public about his Aubrey Marcus. There are times when I was talking to Aubrey and he was like laying it down for me in this really like cool, honest, vulnerable way. And I like, and every single one of those moments, like there was a chance for me to sort for something to click into place and it didn't. It took like, it took a, it took a lot of luck and it took like crossing

paths with some pretty advanced beings who were able to sort of literally like move energy through me so that I could kind of let go of the rotten burden of being a sex cop. You don't want to be a sex cop, man. If you're going to be a sex cop, the kind of sex cop you want to be is the kind of sex cop that shows up at parties and strips for people, but you don't want to be a sex cop who is monitoring every single indication emanating from your partner for any sign that they might be finding another man or woman

attractive or that they might be pursuing some kind of intimate trist with someone other than you, you don't want to be that person and man, I've walked that beat for the last two decades and it is a grim beat to walk and it leads to no joy and it leads to no happiness and it leads to nothing more than a general feeling of bitterness. So what's happening to me right now, and I think this is going to be the intro I'm going to use, is I'm, I feel like I've sort of come under the tutelage of some pretty cool people who have been showing me a completely new

way of experiencing intimacy that I had always secretly reviled and judged, enrolled my eyes at and thought to myself that doesn't work, which is truly one of the most hilarious things for a serial monogamist who's been in many, many long-term relationships to say non-monogamy doesn't work. It's like somebody who's been in like 30 car crashes saying motorcycles are dangerous, really, really, really ridiculous. But the hesitation I'm feeling is also, I know that when I find something really cool, I get starry eyed over it and then, and then, and then get a naive

idea that this is going to be some utopian way of existence and that this will be a turbulence-free modality or something, which is why I hesitate. So if in the next few weeks or months, as you hear this, what thing that I'm figuring out evolve over the course of this podcast, please forgive me. If suddenly at some point I'm like, that was fucked. That was wrong. I was wrong. It's a mess.

There's nothing more horrible than having the experience of love for more than one person. God, why would you ever want that? Why would you ever want to experience sweetness and love with many, many people who have spent a long time cultivating their ability to experience joy for you, even if that joy isn't related to them? I don't think it's going to happen, but who knows, man? I don't know.

But for me, this podcast has been a combination of things. It's a way for me to sort of work shit out in my own head. It's a way for me to send signals out to you, the universe, and get signals back that help me sort of work through my own shit. And thank you for that so much. And, uh, and it's my job. And it seems like it's, it has something very, it has something in common with one of the fundamental pillars of non monogamy, which is something Chris Ryan has

talked about and, uh, the people who I have been with have sort of taught me, which is honesty. Like it's, it's the more honest you can be with yourself and the more honest you can be with your lovers and your friends, even when it doesn't feel good to be honest, the better your life becomes. And, uh, this is an experiment that has worked for me. The experiment of monogamy has not worked that well. Or I guess you could say it has worked in the sense that it has gotten me to the

point where I am now really aware of how important truth and honesty is when it comes to intimate relationships and any relationship for that matter. And so that's where I'm at. And that's, I did it. That's the intro, 12 minutes. I had to get it off my chest. That's God. You should have, I've been like, all these fucking, I've tried like multiple

stupid intros over and over and over again, just desperately trying to avoid saying, man, I've been doing this thing and I met these people and they're teaching me the stuff about polyamory and it's crazy and beautiful. And it's like filling my heart with joy and it's making me feel so light and good. And I've been grinning from ear to ear and I feel really good right now. But, um, uh, instead I've been like trying to do it. It's just like rants about how I should be allowed to heat my hot tub more than 104 degrees, which by the way, I fucking should.

It's insane that the federal government is dictating a limit on how hot we can make our hot tubs, but that's another rant for another podcast. This podcast, my friends, is a dark journey through the weird phone labyrinth that springs up around you when you find yourself waiting for AT&T to install internet at your house. And I know that might not sound like, um, something horrific, but the podcast you're about to hear happened within a period of time where I was basically put under home arrest by AT&T three days of sitting at home waiting for someone to

come to put internet in my house and being unable to leave. It was like the most boring episode of Black Mirror ever, a three day episode of Black Mirror. I just sat and waited for a knock at the door so I could get internet. Very sad. We're going to dive right into that. And Johnny Pemberton is going to be our guide right after this. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by the Kings and Queens of sleep over

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forward slash family hour and using promo code family hour at checkout terms and conditions apply. You can get $50 towards select mattresses by visiting Casper.com forward slash family hour and using offer code family hour at checkout terms and conditions apply a massive thank you to those of you who have subscribed to the patreon.com forward slash DTFH. We've got some news on the Patreon front. I'm trying to connect it to a discord server.

Here's the bigger news. This house that I'm in has got a 700 Mbps upload speed, which means I can stream live video. So I'm trying to figure out a way to incorporate that with Patreon. But in the meantime, if you want more DTFH and if you want commercial free episodes of the DTFH, head over to patreon.com forward slash DTFH and subscribe. Sitting there right now are three unreleased episodes of the podcast, one

with Cole Marta, one with Natasha Legerro and Ricky Lindholm and one with the great Bert Kreischer. They're just sitting there waiting for you with no commercials, no rambling, hippie monologues about polyamory, just straight conversation. If that's what you're looking for, head over to patreon.com forward slash DTFH. We also have a shop at DuncanTrustle.com with lots of t-shirts and posters. Check it out. Okay, sweeties, this episode needs a little bit of a preface because at the end

of the conversation with Johnny, there is an hour long recording of a conversation we had with AT&T. And I thought to myself, well, maybe you should edit out the whole music. Maybe you should edit out the awkward moments. Maybe you should edit out the points that are kind of boring, but I realized that to do that is to rob you of the spiritual punch to the solar plexus that comes from interacting with the super organisms that we currently call corporations.

Also, not to spoil the whole thing. I feel like I have to say that after lambasting AT&T throughout this episode, I would be remiss if I did not mention that the person who actually came and installed the internet in my house spent eight hours, six hours here. And it was a really sweet, dedicated, cool person. So I can't really completely hate AT&T. In fact, I don't hate any one person at AT&T any more that I hate any one cell in Jeffrey Dahmer's body.

I don't even hate Jeffrey Dahmer, but it's the interaction of those cells that produces the monster. And when it comes to corporations, it's not the individuals working at these places that are bad. None of them are at all. They're all pretty cool, sweet, the very worst bored people. But the sum total, the thing that Fritz Perls called the Gestalt of these massive corporations is sinister and is something that we should be very,

very nervous about as corporations continue to grow and to spread and to gain incredible power. All right, so let's do this. Everybody, please spread the legs of your heart and squirt all over the face of today's guest, who has a wonderful podcast called Live to Tape, who is about to release an exclusive cassette tape of his phone calls that he's made to various corporations. He happens to be a master of it, who is a brilliant comedian who if you live

in Los Angeles, you should definitely go to his Dicker Troy show and who is someone I am so lucky to have in my life. Please welcome to the Dunker Trussell Family Hour podcast, Johnny Pemberton. Johnny, Dougie, welcome to the DTFH. Thank you so much for coming. It's great to be here in the Diffish. It is. Diffish. So yeah, man, this is like you are on day three of the strangest two days in my

life, really the strangest two days of your life. I'm going to say like the strangest in the sense like the most sinister. Oh, like bad, like not. I've had strange days that are great, but this has been so it's been disruptive. It's been the most freaky thing that's ever happened. It's been the opposite of lucky. Yeah, it's it's it's diabolical. OK. And it's it's ominous is another way to put it.

It's an ominous few days. I'm excited to hear about this. So like, I don't know. I just moved into this new place, by the way. It's beautiful. Welcome. You're the first. Thank you for shaking my hand. We just touched hands to to conquer.

Conquerify the bond. Concretize. We've concretized our fraternal bond. Right. Oh, great fan. Just know it's the fan up there. So he's moved in the new place. You've moved into this beautiful new place.

I've never been in a place I've been this happy about in my life. It's amazing. That's really good. It's got a good feel to it. Nice woo, as they would say in China. Yeah, that's got strong woo. I think that's their actual term. I'm not kidding.

It's really someone told me that's actually made up in Chinese. It may be like a like a Shinto thing. Woo woo. It's a hanger has to do with Feng Shui, like in terms of the like, you know, you see a stick and it's like, oh, that stick looks really nice. You know, woo is definitely one of the words I would like stricken from the vernacular because it gets used so many times by people who more than likely couldn't tell you basic scientific principles.

Like me. Yeah. Well, right. But you don't throw out like what I'm saying is like you'll get in conversations people and they're like, that's like a bunch of woo. And as though they were really? Oh, sure. Like new people act like they're fucking Newton or something, you know?

It's like, oh, really? Like they're Neil deGrasse Tyson or something. Like you throw out something like synchronicity or some real thing that happened to you. Line luck, you know, about line luck. What is that? Line luck is when you show up at like a bakery or a coffee shop or any place that would potentially be a line and you walk in and there's no line and then seconds or maybe less than a minute afterwards, you look behind you and there's

15 people behind you. Yeah, I just had that. OK, yeah, those line luck. Line luck, those kinds of things, the kind, the kinds of things that are seemingly difficult to quantify and that people will throw out something that they read in a book that were skimming and they'll be like, oh, no, no, no, this is confirmation bias or something like that. But the reality is much like most of us, they don't really have a firm grasp on

the scientific method, the history of science. And if they do, they're somehow missing something and you just get that sense. And yet they will disregard anything that seems slightly outside of their discovery channel level, understanding of the world. Like it's the thing where you just kind of because you're like, oh, that doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why, but definitely there's definitely something up. Enough of the woo, man.

Enough of the woo. It's making me sick. You're really spewing bullshit. People say that, say woo in terms of bullshit. Yeah, woo is, you know, and I've, you know, I use it as a, I didn't know that. Honestly, I've only heard it in terms of like, yeah, woo that like Wu Tang clan. No, woo is like, what's the word for it?

So if you, if you decided to become a bro scientist, then more than likely you're going to use the term woo. How's it spelled? Oh, W-O-O. Oh, see, I'm talking about W-U. Okay. That's different. That's woo.

I've literally never heard W-O-O used before. That's woo. Really? Not woo. You're telling woo. So they're talking about like woo. Yeah, I get it. It's a thing you call out, you call bullshit on something.

You say it's like, yeah, it's just, you know, it's. Yeah. And it's, I know I've used it, but I use it just because if I'm around, if I'm talking to someone, I'll use it as a term of convenience to try to like calm them down a little bit. If it's just so that I don't set off their like, their, their cosmos bristles, you know, like somebody's been watching someone. Okay, many people will sit and watch three episodes of cosmos.

I don't think they got it. And become convinced that they understand the great mysteries of the universe and or maybe they throw in a couple of planet Earths. Yeah, they're like, they've got it down. They understand. They'll be like, no man, it's all evolution. I feel like it's the opposite. You see stuff on planet Earth when you see like two slugs have this weird,

like spiral drip mating ritual and you're like, oh, everything is the same. Everything is just completely bizarre and there's no, there's no sense. That's because you're a wise man, that's because you're, well, that's it. But I think many people, their reaction to the madness and the understanding that the universe they're in is a thing with the blinking, spinning, whirling eyes. Beach, beach, beach like a fucking iron lung. Yeah, they can't handle that.

So what they do is they produce a false sense in their own self. No, no, no, everything is rational. Everything is logical. Right. Things follow a very specific pattern that can be quantified. The flow justin. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, but that's more of a defense mechanism against the reality of the thing,

which is that we're probably in some kind of kaleidoscoping, temporal ablanche of multiverses that keep collapsing in on each other. And we're being stretched and spun and split. Our reality tunnels are constantly fracturing at the subconscious level. We keep failing to transcend the next dimension that everyone else in the universe has done, or just they're like, God, they're so fucking close. That's it. Ah, man, that guy had to tie up those kids in Riverside, man.

They would have done it. Exactly. So you're no power in your computer. What's that? Your computer is no power in doing 91% battery. OK, just, you know, sometimes to thank you for pointing that out. Sometimes when you put the I know because we've had some we'll get to that little OK, speaking of like turbid bumps and our particular

acreage of the multiverse, we'll talk about that. But to get back to what's been happening to me. OK, we haven't we haven't talked about yet. You just sort of hint you alluded to it. This beautiful place. So I'm like, OK, OK, I got to get the internet. So I go online looking at the internet services and holy shit, man, AT&T. They have got a fucking fiber optic option,

which means I can get a thousand Mbps download speeds. That is a fucking that's like a T one line. It is a T one line. That's a T one line, literally a T one, right? So that's perfect for streaming for government data for everything. That's just insane. And it's just the most amazing thing. So I set up an appointment for for two days ago.

Between eleven and one o'clock, right? Whatever, it's just like, you know, like you do for things. I set up an appointment. So I'm you know, you got to be home. It's the window you got to be home for the window. Right. It's always the very first minute of the window or five minutes after the window. Right. Yeah, exactly.

So I'm there for the window and no one shows up. So it's like whatever, whatever. I mean, I'm sure they're just running later, whatever. No deal. I don't mind staying home for a few more hours, but they still haven't shown up. So I call, I get an offshore place. You mean like an offshore call center? Yeah, you know, and that person is like, oh, no, no, no, you know,

they're just running late, they'll be there. So I'm like, God damn it. All right, it's like two or three now. It's like, fuck it, I'll just wait. It's T one line. So still no one, no one shows up, right? So I call back now it's like five. I call back and I'm like, hey, what's going on?

You guys said someone's coming. They haven't come yet. And they're like, OK, OK, we're going to have them call you. So this guy calls at like five o'clock. And I'm like, hey, what's up, man? Or what's going on? Are you guys why don't you guys call just to say you're not going to make it? And the guy's like, I'm calling you now.

And I'm like, OK. I'm coming. What do you mean? What kind of tone was that he was pissed? Dude, that I because I didn't realize at the time to get a call from a technician from AT&T is like up there with like getting a call from the fucking pope. Bullshit. OK, so now check. So so I'm like, look, you guys just have to like tell me if you're not going to be here. What am I made of money?

I'm like, so but when are you guys going to be here? And he's like, he says, well, we don't really know. And I'm like, wait, what do you mean? Do you do you tell them about the window? Like you guys are supposed to be here from 11 to one. I was given a two hour window here because I'm not a slave to your to you. I have I have got things to do, places to be. I'm moving into my house.

I want to get some shelving units. I want to get some speaker stands. I want to run some errands. The dog needs walks. I want to get shit off site. I want to go shit off site. Look, I want to go shit off site. Oh, dude, I want to take a shower.

You know, I don't want because like if I'm in the shower and they show up, I think you'd like, oh, no, we got to wait three weeks to reschedule. So he's like, oh, man, I'm already getting I'm already getting. Just just wait. Just wait. This is enough. So so so the guy. I'm like, all right, all right, I'm going to I call he's like, this is what he says to me. I'm like, so when are you guys going to get here?

And he's like, we don't, you know, we don't really know. And I'm like, well, what do you mean? You don't know am I supposed to wait at my house for however long until you guys show up? Right. And he goes, it's complicated, man. And I'm like, I'm like, all right, look, give me your do you have something? Who do you work for? Can I call them? He gives me some number.

What's the tone of this conversation at this point? Is it the guy? It's the same tone you get with every AT&T person. He's being defensive. No, it's like. It's like you've made a phone call to a chasm. Like how dare you? No, it's like a chasm.

OK, just not a soulless chasm that speaks with wind. You know, a mysterious thing that is somehow abnegated. It's personality is like it's personalities. It's like a fungus. Like imagine like you're talking to like a collective, a fungal collective. OK, it's like more like that. So I call the call center and I talk with the guy. What did the guy finish saying and finish what he said?

The guy is complicated when we're going to be here complicated. He's like, you know, he can't explain when they're going to come. He seems like, you know, I don't know the right word for it, man. Not not. He just doesn't know what's happening. But he sounds overloaded, maybe. You know, like they've got a bunch of shit going on, you know, they're backed up. So I call again in the call center and

I'm like, what's going on, man? All you guys have to tell me is you're not coming. You know, I don't care. I have a hotspot on my phone. It's not like I'm desperate for the Internet right now. So they're like, OK, well, they're going to come tomorrow. They're going to come tomorrow. They tell you time.

What? Yeah. They gave me a window and now I can't remember what the window was. Now, this is yesterday. So I think it was between one and three yesterday. Tomorrow, a classic two hour window. So. The same thing happens yesterday.

They don't show up. I call again and they're like, no, they're coming. They're coming. And they don't show up. But the thing is, they're not telling me. They're not coming. They're literally saying, just wait, they're going to be there. They're going to be there.

So all day yesterday, I keep calling. I've recorded one of the yes. But that's towards the end, you know. But all day yesterday, I've been I'm calling them and they keep saying, no, no, no, no, they're they're going to be there. They're going to be there. So I wait because it's like, shit, I've already waited one entire day for AT&T to come.

I've invested all this time. It's a T one line, right? I want the T one line because I can stream video for sure. But it is just it's just the same as anything else. They don't do anything special. They don't have to like dig a hole. They just cook up the wires. Well, and even that, like maybe it is special.

Like maybe they've got to run some crazy line or whatever. But I can't think it's significantly. They've been running fiber for years. All this isn't new. All they have to do is just tell me we're not going to be there today. We overestimated our workload. So we're going to come a week from now even. And for sure.

But they're just like, we're going to they just keep saying we're going to come. I'm ordering groceries and I can't go out. So all day yesterday, I am staying in because they're saying they're going to come all day. They keep saying you're you are on the docket. Like you're on the there is a work order out. Did you talk to the technician too? I can't you can't get in touch with the technicians. And the other thing is you can't get in touch with a specific person at AT&T.

Every time it's always a new person, always a new person. These are the things I learned. One, if you get an offshore person, that's it's like it's like the board. You can tell the offshore person to talk to someone in the United States, because sometimes their accents are difficult to understand. So you can be like, hey, can I speak to someone in the United States? They'll be like, I can handle it.

You're like, I know, but they they said I could talk to someone in the United States. It's just a little hard sometimes to understand your accent. And so they will send you back to the United States. You'll get to the United States and you'll talk to someone in every one of these times. You have to go through the exact same series of questions. It takes about five minutes. Anyway, the long and short of is I have been on the phone with AT&T now for a total of four hours, not exaggerating, literally four hours on hold.

And so last night, it's, you know, the sun has gone down. It's dark. You realize, holy fuck, they're not going to come two days now. I've been waiting. They're not going to fucking come. So I get on the phone with this woman and everyone is just like, look, you know, we're, we're, I'm going to, we're going to do this. We're going to work on it. I'm going to call the dispatch center.

We're calling the dispatch center. The dispatch center will say, yeah, they're on the way. They're on the way. They don't fucking come. So whoever I talked to last night is like, we're going to have someone call you tomorrow at eight AM and let you know about the dispatch person. So this is today today. So no one calls today.

So, so then I call AT&T again and they're like, yeah, yeah, we've got someone coming now. He's been sent. He's coming. This is eight. He's going to be there. And so it's like not then it's like nine 30 or 10. Still no one has come. So then I call back and they're like, oh, yeah, we're sorry. As it turns out, the line outside, it isn't even working. And so how the fuck do you know it isn't working?

Because the dispatch center tells him this. So how do they know they haven't been here? Dude, at this point, I start screaming. Like I start I like I start like like somebody who is like finally broken through the thick sheet of ice in the Arctic covering the cave. It's filled with the Cthulhu ancient beings that drive you insane from looking at it. Like I break, man. I'm like, what do you mean?

What do you mean? I've been here for two days. Two days. Dude, I don't understand. I'm screaming, man. All the Ramdha shit, all the names out the window, out the fucking window. Man, I am like the poodle is like cowering. The dogs are freaking out.

I feel like I'm going to fucking I don't know what to do. There's it's like I'm in the sick part is I could easily just like forget it. Yeah, forget I'll get different service, different service. But I want that fucking T1 line. So what's happening right now is it was supposed to be here now. It's 1141. There was supposed to be here between 9 and 11.

And so right before you came, I was on the phone with them and they're like, they'll be there between 11 and one. So they just keep pushing it ahead by two hours. And this is my and I'm sorry, you guys, if I had to listen to this long. I want to call him. Well, let's do it. Let's call him right now. I'll call him. I've you know, this is like a specialty of mine is talking to to these people. Yeah, let's give him a call.

I mean, let me just I want to play something for you. Well, no, you're going to cause it will hear it. So I guess let's let's do that. Well, well, Johnny, you can make this call my technique. I have a special technique for I call it being overly explicit. Well, I don't actually don't have a name for it. But what it is, it's a combination of being extremely explicit to the point where you almost assume the person has no understanding of anything,

but also super nice. But also there's a thing I think you have to do. You have to be like, you have to be sad to be like, I'm just I'm at my like not angry, but sad, like I don't know what to do. I think I'm so like almost you have to you have to give them the the whiff of suicide. OK, that's a good tactic. Just so you know, here's what's going to happen. You're going to call.

They're going to ask what you're calling about. It's going to be a computer at first. Right. It's going to not know my phone number eventually. Like it'll say is this the number? And then I'll say you're calling about a work order and you'll say yes. And they'll be fake typing sound. And then it'll say there's no order associated with your number.

Don't worry. This has happened. There is an order. This is happening. And then eventually you'll get a person. The person will be probably in India. Right. And then you could either talk to that person, depending on how well you can understand them. And and then not or you say, transfer me to the United States, please.

And then you'll talk to someone in the United States. Now, if you can, I think you should make it as your goal to try to get a supervisor on. Yeah. And then I'm from the top. I'm sorry. I've been dealing with something for for several days now. It's it's becoming a huge problem. I'm looking to cancel my service completely. Don't say that. They'll cancel it.

Don't they won't? That's the thing. They hate it when you cancel your service. You call they have a whole thing called customer retention. Those people, those are the fucking guys who walk around the office with their balls hanging out. These are like the fucking badasses who keep you from if you ever have a cable. If you have a cable around their balls hanging out.

Yeah, because these are like the fucking like these are the the bad. These are the fighter pilots of the cable company because they people. If you ever have cable TV and you want to cancel cable TV, you want to have a fun time when you want to get your ego stroked, try to cancel your cable. They will fucking like, hey, man, how's it going? Yeah. Oh, cool. So what do you watch? I mean, that show is pretty crazy, right? So so you don't really interest in the service anymore.

OK, maybe you could just kind of tell me why. Maybe we can work something out because I mean, obviously we've got a lot of different things here. We can figure something out. OK. Oh, so you don't really watch that. OK. What about this? What if we were to offer you forty nine ninety nine for six months and for interest rate?

And you can you know what? Actually, you can still keep HP. How about that? You want to keep that? Because I know I obviously I've had you guys again. That's and then they just won't let you. OK, OK. Cool. I was well, what about, you know, a really? Yeah, you want to come over and I've got this great. I got a great rib recipe for you.

OK, you know, actually, I am too. I just like you want some souffle over. I'm making souffle now before you make the call. Right. Here's where it's gotten. So it went from being. I just can't believe this because I know I've had a lot of. Well, I just don't know how there's no accountability and how it's. Well, that's where that. See, this is what this is where it gets really interesting, right?

Is this is the concept where corporations are a sociopath. So corporations are essentially a superorganism. It's faceless. There's nothing. Right. It's a sociopath. It has no real care for anyone. Amorphous and so every person I've been talking to when I'm not freaking out and like yelling, I've been saying like, look, I know you as a person are fine. But the thing you're part of is broken, is is beyond broken.

It's not broken. It's it's working. But the way it's working is the most horrifying thing ever because it is what. Potentially everything can turn into, which is this sort of the human worker is a node who has a sheet of things to say. Yeah, and that node is part of a web of people who sit in front of a screen with lists of things to say. Well, we're already there. We're there. It's all I think it's all just AI training.

Like when you see an Uber driver trying to make a left into across three lanes of traffic at 430 p.m. And because Waze is telling me to do that and not go up a block to the light when there's a left turn arrow, it's like, OK, this is a person who is being is just following instructions by rote. They're just like, they're not thinking at all. Yeah, they're they're basically and there's that thing that they found out years ago from Google that that they as a reason Google gave Uber so much

money is because basically Uber is doing their R&D for them with in terms of driverless cars and all the technology and the mapping and stuff. Because if you have a driver who's following the map guidance has been given by the computer, how is that driver anything other than a computer operator? Like it's really no different because they're not they're almost never like 95 percent of the time they're just following the computer guidance. They're not making any type of decision. It's like why like when you're like Uber, you call Uber a lift.

If if your address is on the map a little off from your addresses, they're never going to show up at the address because they're not looking at the fucking street numbers, they're looking at the map, the guidance map. Because if you're doing that as a job, for the most part, I bet not. I bet the vast majority of people who do that kind of settle into that theta state where there's sort of just, you know, like when you are on the highway, sort of your your your right brain. It kind of everything kind of I don't know the technical word for it,

but you kind of go into that state where you're just sort of not really thinking. You're just that's how you can drive so long and not really know where am I? Oh, I've just been sort of like a sleep, essentially. But and all that the dollar does is just give data to the people who are programming the machines that will eventually be able to do this much better. Oh, my God, it makes it makes so much sense that that's the case. So wait, you're saying that the people have been hypnotized by the AI into a theta state, but really what they are is unwitting or

or I guess oblivious servants to corporations that are harvesting their data mining, they're just data mining the way they handle navigating through traffic to give more rules to the AI that they're building. So because they so they can make the the more data. It's like if you have a if you do like a medical test, right? Let's say you have to want to test the effects of sugar on ten year olds. So if you do a test and you only have 15 ten year olds, your data is not going to be as strong as someone who we tested it on a group of 10,000 ten year olds.

Yeah. So the data set is so massive that it's like this when you present something like that. And that's why people work. That's why scientists who want to do research want to work for the bigger bigger companies because they can their data sets are so big. When they present their findings like look how much information we've gathered. And so you think about like Google's doing the same thing with Uber. It's like, well, how do we get the most real time traffic data?

Well, how about we pay Uber to let us mine this if you use our software? And so they just have they have fucking got that is several million hours of data. Dude, so it's kind of like, OK, we want to study wolves. Right. And so what we do is we go in, we smack one of them with a dark gun. Knock them out, put a tracking chip on the wolf's neck, track the wolf. And then we understand the way that they, yeah, but they move. This seems to be more like instead of tranquilizing people,

we've given them something that is innately tranquilizing, which is technology. And we like shift their perception, their their their perceptual apparatus to a mode of kind of a numb, empty focus so that we can fully track them gathering their data so that we can eventually replace them with something that is a pure AI. Right. So it's the replacing them with a collective. It's like, why would you have these autonomous drivers when you have a system that's all working together, traffic would disappear because you wouldn't have

someone making a left because the computer learns that, OK, for the past thousand times, someone's tried to make a left on the street. It's caused this happening because you have all this data coming in from everywhere. And if you can measure all that data, you're OK, we don't ask them to make a left there. We ask them to make a left at the at the arrow because that increases the flow of traffic and makes everything faster and more efficient. So you make more money and everything's better. The same reason that UPS UPS drivers, they don't make any they never make a left turn.

Their routes have been like some badass mathematicians figured out. If we program their routes, they never have to make a left turn. They'll save some massive amount on gas because they're not idling. They're never idling to wait for a left turn. And so they fucking save shitloads of money. Do you ever play around with the idea that AI is an alien intelligence that is is kind of like the beginning, the process of colonizing the planet. And so the first step is to do a full analysis of the bio rhythms and patterns

of the human, the most advanced species on the planet prior to the invasion. I kind of feel the opposite. I don't think I don't feel like it's an invasion. I think it's more just it's just the next the next step. I don't know, man. I think that it's like in my most that's like a bike. It's fun to think about that.

I think it's kind of you're so about to say in your most paranoid or something. No, not paranoid. My most high moments when I think about it, I my my idea is we have made a classic mistake, which is it is truly one of the classic mistakes. Humans have, you mean? Yeah, humans have made one of the classic mistakes because the classic mistake doesn't just happen with UFOs. It happens with love.

It happens with happiness. It happens with everything. Which is that you think you know. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, they're fucking here. No, that's Amazon. Oh, my God. It was Amazon also.

Like I had some girl with him with like the most the largest fake eyelashes I've ever seen in my fucking life. She's like fucking parachutes on her face. Kidding me, what's going on here? Dude, dude, hold on. Let me let me calm the dogs down. I'm pretty sure it's just Amazon. OK, so the classic mistake.

Right. You think you know what many people think they know what love looks like. Many people think they they have an idea in their mind of what their happy life is going to look like. They have an idea in their mind of what success looks like. They have an idea in their mind of what so many things look like when really they don't have any idea at all. But they're looking for the thing based on their idea, which has been created out of materials that have been given to them by TV mostly or by their parents or by friends who are adult.

Because you know, like the idea they have of what the thing is like warped is warped and it's like from weird influences. Yeah, so it's kind of like an example is you're telling someone, hey, can you find a key? It's in my house. I need you to find this key. But you don't tell them that the key looks like a pentagram with an eye in the middle of it and has like glowing rubies around the side of it. Right. They're looking for a little piece of metal with a little jagged piece of metal.

So even though that's that fucking crazy ass thing that you use to open up the annex in your temple where the imps are housed is laying right on your obsidian fucking table, they're looking everywhere else for what they thought a key would look like. So they're never going to find it. So in the same way, people think, oh, I know what love looks like. I know what love feels like. It's the bachelor. What? It's the bachelor.

That's what love is. Yeah, exactly. Right, right, right. So in the same way, people think they know what an alien invasion would look like. And people think they know what a UFO would look like. People think what's really hilarious about people thinking they know what an alien would look like is that the very word itself alien implies this is a thing comes foreign beyond foreign.

Like we're talking about something that could have emerged from some biosphere that is interdimensional, that is even not even interdimensional, that comes from a non-linguistic, non-articulable area of something that we don't even understand or know exists. And so we have no, not even the vaguest possibility of even saying what it is outside of saying it's alien. Yeah, we think it's like, oh, it's going to look like a missile coming at us or like some sort of thing hovering that's going to block the sun out because it's

all based in, I mean, it's the same. I always think about the same way that people think about what they eat in terms of how, oh, we can't, I can't eat this because it's because I don't want to eat this animal because I am sensitive to it. But it's like, you never think that you're consuming billions of bacteria. Those are alive, essentially. That's just there's always things that are programmed in us because we want to save things that remind us of us.

We don't want to hurt each other. So a fucking puppy is very close to humans. The thing where you never want to eat this puppy because it's like, oh, that reminds me of who I am and it does things that I do with my brother and sister or something like that. So it's that thing where if you, if you expect it's an alien invasion, because you'll, you think it's going to think like you and not the opposite or beyond, think around you.

And you might even think like, oh, you know, well, maybe it's going to look like a virus or maybe it would look like a bacteria. Maybe it'll look like a carbon molecule or maybe it'll look like molecular. Maybe it'll have an atomic structure. Maybe it'll have something that obeys the laws of physics. Maybe it'll, you know, there's all these things. Maybe it's an it. Maybe it's there's all these things.

But really what you end up realizing is that your preconceived notions of the way things in the future are going to look are actually modular pieces of a symbolic blindfold that is completely keeping you from possibly witnessing something that is right in front of you and is so spectacularly odd that it makes planet Earth and cosmos seem like watching paint dry. It's so bizarre. So this is why sometimes I think, oh, clearly what's happening here is that we've been dusted.

The we've been dusted with some kind of inspiration that has allowed people to create technology and the technology is sticky. Well, you could say it's just spores. I mean, that's the classic idea. Yeah, it's spores. It's a kind of literally spores, like literally fungal spores. This is that old idea. It's not that old, I guess, but the idea that because you know how they they map

fungal networks and they have identical shape and pattern to internet and highways. It's the same thing. Yeah, it's like that. That's the stuff that sort of got me off of feeling like I'm thinking about sort of like the doom of the Earth because you realize I always think about how like when you really boil it down to the idea, like the idea of like a like a 3D printer, right? Yeah. That's a really cool thing.

It's really it's amazing and they're probably going to get so much better. They're going to be able to do anything. Yeah. But if you think of like a garden, right, like a vegetable garden, like I can grow a radish, like a full size radish in like very short period of time. How long like 40 days from seed to this big fucking thing that's filled with sugar and all kinds of stuff. And you think about I mean, I'm not joking.

I feel like there's really no difference between that and a computer. Like there's obviously like sure. But it's that's essentially just a little fucking computer. It's like like biotechnology. Right. And that there's always physicists. That guy, Michio Akaku, who say he's the guy who studies at, I think, University of New York or New York City College or whatever, he's a physicist. He talks about how the 21st century, how you can only do so much with silicone

because it only gets so small, how he's he's convinced that the technology that will take us off the planet and just in general technology that's that's really pervasive and like does the next iteration of whatever it is to come is a technique is going to be the century of biology because he thinks that that integration, that's where the that's where the real deep, heavy computing lies. Because you're only going to make a hard drive so small because you're limited by them by the size of the chips and stuff. You can make them small and compact.

They it's going to keep going, but they're going to hit a wall. And that wall is because the substrate they're using is just it's not. I don't obviously don't understand the the tech the technical stuff about it, but it has to do with like the molecule size and the way it works. And so they have to move into biology. So it becomes this thing where that you're making things that are computers, but they're biological entities. Like the idea I always think that the best thing to have to me is the whole idea

of nanobots like they have a little tiny like microscopic computers. It'll go into our body and heal it. But we already have those. They're called bacteria. So imagine if you could take a bacteria and program it. You could like find a way to tinker with whatever the bacteria knows to do. And you tell it to do something. You tell it to go in and fucking cut your appendix off.

Isn't that CRISPR is that's what they're doing. CRISPR is cleaving out parts of the DNA and then sending in some kind of virus to replace the DNA. They like flood it with these viruses that are I think they're called. I'm not part bacteria phages or I'm not sure. Yeah, well, bacteriophage is a thing. Yeah, some kind of thing that goes in there after you've like basically somehow annihilated the some part of the DNA strand.

You flood the cell and in these things go in and then replace it with some new piece and now you've got inside of you a reprogrammed bit of code. And it's just going to start producing the right thing or the better thing or wherever it is and eventually they'll be able to do it ever. You can do anything. You'll be able to change any aspect of biology whatsoever. Because it's like to think that like our bodies are like they're fucking incredible. Like we have these these massive computers that can do like you don't need to eat

food for 40 days, no and any one of us who has even like just 10 percent body fat, maybe 15, but you could you can go out someplace if you've got clean water and you're not freezing or burning up, you can you'll be fine. Yeah, that'd be fine. You fucking you'll be totally fine. That's one of the funny things like the when I was in New York, I fasted for two days without food and the shock when you get to day two and you realize like, whoa, I'm not really even that hungry anymore.

And that's a really odd thing to realize because part of the thing that we've been taught here, especially in the West, is we're always supposed to be cramming shit in our mouths. You have to. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's like a job like you should always be, you know, have a snack nearby something that what if you get hungry? Yeah, God forbid you should get hungry. I mean, this is like terrible that you're hungry.

You're hungry. Meanwhile, it's like being hungry is such a purifying, healthy feeling. Yeah, man. So yes, I know what you're saying. And I know you're saying, oh, no, this is it's not coming from outside the earth. It's coming from the earth. Right. But one, I guess one thing that we both agree on is that what we're looking at is a shrinking down like we're to achieve the kind of computer power,

the processing power, the ability to manipulate things at the molecular level within a human being. All of these things require not big stuff, but little stuff shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking, shrinking. And so somewhere in there, in that micro sizing of of our tools, that I think is where there is going to be this interesting communion with an intelligence that is completely and spectacularly alien. And that

it's almost, I guess, a witch came first, chicken or the egg argument. But I think that that in the same way that we're realizing now that many of our decisions are being controlled somehow by the chemical output of our gut bacteria, which is producing cravings that are making us do certain things. Yeah, it's all your genome. Yeah, I think we're going to start realizing that many of the or I think it's possible that many of the epiphanous moments and the inspirational moments that have produced the technology that is allowing us to have Uber drivers who are

being controlled by an artificial intelligence are not even coming from something with human DNA, like what you said fungus. But I and where that fungus came from, who the fuck knows? But this shit with AT&T has made me like think whatever the fuck it is, it's a really ominous and creepy interaction. I would rather have read some kind of spell out of a book covered in like crucified baby flesh that made a little pig thing appear in my house with black eyes and fangs.

What have you called me for, you man? Do you seek terabytes? Do you seek a 1000 Mbps connection, you man? I would much rather have that happen. Something that smells of sulfur and those swampy pits of health. Pay the pay the piper. If you want this fast connection, I want seven of your fingernails. I want to eat your pinky.

Our technician is going to come over to 1130 and give you 45 lashes. That's a bunch of lashes. I would take that. I would take that. They were like, listen, OK, here's the thing. Here's what you can choose. We're going to keep giving you windows of time that we may be there and we're not going to show up or Jack from the dispatch unit is going to come down and he's

going to you, boy, he's going to suck you. He's going to suck you dry. He's going to he's going to he's going to. Now, listen, Jack, Jack's got a rough. Jack is not what you would call symmetrical. Well, Jack's got a rough mouth. So what we say about Jack is he ain't no to caprio. Let's just put it like this.

Let's just put this way. Jack's had him had a share of Dorgan Gunch in his day. Jack's had a Jack's had a few cups of Dorgan Gunch. Jack's not what you would call an androgynous man. Let's put it like this. But this way, Jack's not what you call a sexual being so much as a as a rock that moves, Jack's like just a rock that likes to Jack's. Jack's a rock that likes to suck dick.

And he's and he's got a little problem because his mouth hasn't been able to produce saliva ever since he accidentally inhaled chloroform a few weeks. You ever heard of a rough ride? I'll just say it's going to be a rough ride for you, but we'll get that T one line and we'll get it up and running by the end of the day. But it's going to be a rough ride. You've written in the back of a bus going on a country road.

OK, OK, OK, thinking, thinking what it would be like to put the most sensitive part of your body in a the least sensitive thing that exists. Like a mouth made of gravel. Just thinking that I would definitely take. I would take a dry, gravelly blowjob from a 68 year old man with hooked hands and like some kind of terrible hooked hands, some kind of terrible protein bar level flatulence. So they asked he was grinding away, slurping in my cup.

Just this this this I would I would take that any day over a series of phone calls with the fucking void. I think that you're you're in the halo climb right now. We talked about the halo climb before. I feel like we have let's go back into it. It's this thing I learned about years ago and I was I was reading up something about as a kid about how how when you scuba dive. Yes.

And you go areas. There's certain areas where there's freshwater outlets into the into the ocean and they create something or it happens. A lot of caves that are like coastal caves, underwater caves. The halo climb is a thing where when the salt water and fresh water and meat, because they're obviously like different different densities, it's like this area of a few feet, it's all looks like you're in like, you know, an oil and water mix. It's swirly and it looks like you're looking through the vision.

You know, when heat rises in the distance off a road, it looks all squiggly, squaggly. You're inside of that. You're in like a liquid confusion chamber. So you got you have to it's called a halo climb. And so it's this thing where the things are the meeting. There's like a disturbance, a turbulence between the two worlds. And I feel like right now we are in the halo climb.

It's going to be a long halo climb. It's the halo climb between purely biological life, like maybe how people lived before the Industrial Revolution, where you lived up the land. Everything was essentially handmade. Yeah. We're pre-Industrial Revolution to when a time when human beings, as we are before the Industrial Revolution, don't exist, because we don't have the on board

biological integrated technology to do things like look at a phone for look at look at some sort of a interface for a certain amount of time without getting extremely depressed and isolated, because like that's a fact. If you use social media all the fucking time, it's just a fact. You will get depressed because you're just not your body and brain are not meant to be taking this much information in that way. Just we just weren't designed for that. And so we haven't upgraded yet to that level.

So we're OK, maybe maybe human beings won't exist, but I think there'll be some sort of weird some sort of weird like I guess you could call it a cyborg. But I think the idea of a cyborg is so like outmoded and so like based in science fiction, like, oh, I'm going to have a fucking arm made of metal. I think it's not going to be that. I think it's going to be humans will be the same as they've always been. They'll just will have this some sort of weird integration with technology to the point where it's not really what is technology like you could say that fingers

fingers are a technology in a way, any kind of thing that helps you interact with the world is a technology. Just the idea that technology is separate from biology will be like a thing of the total past to the point where we're just like I was going to argue with my dad about this Christmas house. I was drunk. I was like, dad, humans aren't going to exist. It's going to be a point in time when we're done, because I was talking about how

they found code and that's more like the simulation theory. But just the idea that that humans like we're just not we're not how we were designed does not work anymore with the world that we've created. There's so many people who are so depressed because they're the way how how we live. We're just meant to live in like a tribal society where we're like constantly stressed in a good way where we're feeling like fulfilled by by like fucking hunting or doing doing stuff that makes you feel good about what you do

because we're like we're so strong like the humans are just they're fucking bad ass like we're these incredibly designed. We can do so many things that we have like the most multi. You can do humans can do fucking everything. We can we can swim, we can fly with all this crazy shit. But we don't ever most of us don't do anything at all. Like we don't have any kind of there's nothing to keep us. Oh, my God.

Second false alarm. Yeah, the poodle got out. That was a very nice family that returned him. Thank God. Yeah, so keep going. Well, I think I was sort of at the end of whatever I was saying. But essentially, I feel like that the human body as it is now is not like the job that was designed for is done.

And now we we just need we need to start integrating and I don't know. I think maybe there'll be a die off. Who knows? There'll be something something something big will happen. It's like this is how I picture it sometimes. You know, when you're when you're I don't know how you when you've done this recently, but taking this shit now got laying in the bathtub and gone underneath the water and you look up and you have the water above your head and you look and

you can kind of see through the water to what's outside, but it's shimmery and wavy and weird or like if you go scuba diving and you look up and you and outside above the water, there's really seen there's reality. But what you see is just this shimmering thing, which represents the boundary between the ocean and the land and the ocean and the sky. And so I think what's happening is human beings are beginning to what we call reality is, in fact, the shimmering. Hey, what did you call the halo clan?

Yeah, what we're literally you and me and when you're looking out in the world, what you think is reality is actually an undulating veil that is separating us from what is an entirely brand new biosphere and that somehow technology, evolution, magic, whatever you want to call it, aliens, just the expansion of the universe is pushing us through the very thing that we consider to be three dimensional space time and we're about to push in to some completely new place. So when you say, oh, the cyborgs,

they'll have it be equipped with some kind of, I don't know, new tropic, right genetic implant that makes their enhances their IQ or that whatever it may be, what I think what really is going to happen is it's going to be a thing that allows us to see some completely new facet of reality. Something that we we don't even know what it we can't even describe what it is because it's not even in the language that exists. That's it. It's like a fucking someone. And what's they always say?

What's the whole language thing like the people that have five words for snow, but no word for for rain or something like that? It's just that we don't we don't have it as human because we don't even know what it feels like. That's it. And that, I think that that place has been sending through that the surface of reality into our consciousness, innovations and ideas that are giving us the necessary tools to get there to climb out. And so somehow in that process, we have begun to dehumanize or something.

We've begun to collectivize and the collectivization and dehumanization. One of the manifestations of it is a tea and fucking tea, man, which is doing two things. One, it is, you know, uniting and unifying and collectivizing. God knows how many fucking employees all around the planet in this incredible network of numb, down, droning people who are clear. I mean, God, God, help someone who works at AT&T. It's not like you wake up in the morning and you're like, ah,

here we go, baby. I'm going to head to the call center and take a call. This is it, man. I've really, you know, when I was a kid and I was in the beach with my mom and I was running at the waves and the waves were crashing against the sand and I was laughing, my little brother was with me when you're laughing and there was the smell of a phone. That's, you know, when you're doing that, you never once were like, God, you know,

one day I'm going to be a manager at a call center dealing with people who have entered into a kind of brand new form of psychosis that has only just existed in human history, which is the psychosis resulting from spending several days at home waiting for a super fast, talking to different people who don't understand what the other person said, because there's no communication, there's no intercommunication, no one dreamed of that. No, no, no one at AT&T is like, man, this is just exactly where I want to be.

You don't come home after a day of working at AT&T and sit down and say to your kids, guys, listen to what happened today. I read the script on the computer screen 700 times. It's the most times I've ever read the script. I heard a gunshot today. I heard a gunshot. I heard a man, a nice man named Duncan. He started crying and then heard a gunshot.

And then there was silence, except for the barking of a dog. And then I heard the technician arrive. Maybe you have to do that. You have to kill yourself or pretend to kill yourself and then they'll send the technician out and call 911, tell them the technician hasn't arrived. I mean, I've said I've tried to explain it to them in different ways. I've been like, you guys, just so you know, like in the past, I've had drug dealers that were 7000 more

fish times more efficient than you, a billion dollar company, just silence on the other line. So they don't like that shit when you mention stuff like drugs. Well, they don't. It's like what you were saying about suicide. It's what you were saying about the Uber driver. It's like it's not that they don't like or like it. It's that they have on their outside the program, a series of.

Yeah, they have things that they're supposed to say. It's a freestyle. And they can't. Yeah, that's and if it's coming off of that, those those modes of response, they they don't know what to do. It's confusing to them and they don't know what to do. They don't want to lose their job. So AT&T is doing two things or any of these big companies.

One, they're harmonizing, dehumanizing and programming some massive amount of people, their employees, and focusing them on this task of making money, but also of putting technology into people's homes, which is moving us closer to some kind of like what you're talking about, some kind of new thing. And I have, as you know, been quite excited about this thing until this experience with AT&T, like it's all it took. So if you think about it in a way, maybe, maybe that's bad because it's like it's sort of like the terrorist of one type thing.

Right. If the bad experience of the AT&T can get you off of your off your thing, then it's like one man. Yeah, they fucking did it. Yeah, it's almost like you failed the test. Yeah, yeah, man. Yeah, like the hardest test is the one that seems like it's not a test. It's it is a it is fucking it's it's just it's crazy.

And I do I want you to call them. And I would love to. OK, why don't we do that now? Let's make it call to the alien and see what see what happens. Maybe you have to like, well, you have to give me your information. You have to bleep it out in the post. Yeah, well, we'll just yeah, you don't even need the information. You'll see. Don't just keep saying operator operator.

They're going to ask for your name and you ask for your phone number. OK, I'll just pause it when that's happening. OK, here we go. Go. And let's do this. OK. Calling about regulated local exchange telephone service. Press one for any AT&T sales or service need.

Press two. Right, sales or service. Yeah. Oh, welcome to AT&T. Para Español o Prima el ocho. No. Fake typing for quality. Are you calling about the account associated with the number?

Yes. That's weird. I've never heard that fake typing shit before. One moment while we pull up your account information. My records show you have a pending service order. Is that what you're calling about? Yes. Which would you like to do?

Check the status, change the date or time, cancel the order, activate your service or something else. Make to speak to a representative. I will transfer you, but I do want to make sure your call is sent to the right place. So which would you like to do? Check the status, change the date or time, cancel the order, activate your service or something else. Check out this channel.

I'm looking for the best way to route your call. California. Good luck with that. Please wait while we process your request. This could be interesting. Oh, yes. I couldn't find any orders associated with the telephone number you gave me. I can locate orders by order number or telephone number.

If you have the order number, say order number to look up an order based on a telephone number, say telephone number to say representative representative. You said you wanted to speak to a representative. Is that correct? That's correct. Just a moment while I connect you to someone who can help you check on that. Remember, you can also get help, information or check your order status at ATT.com forward slash my ATT app.

For quality assurance and verification, your call may be monitored or recorded. If you do not wish to be monitored or recorded, please tell your AT&T representative. Who wouldn't want to be monitored or recorded? I'm surprised they even have to ask that. Did you check the website at all ever? No. I'm just curious. Maybe there's a hidden gem. Thank you for calling AT&T technical support.

Your call should be answered within three minutes. With my AT&T app, you may be able to get your question answered right away. Don't have it. Download the app. I've heard this so many times. ATT.com forward splash my ATT. You just said forward splash. Now, did he?

I think he did. Forward splash. Forward splash. Is there something like underneath PTSD that's like not not quite as bad, but you can get it from this kind of thing? Probably. Can you get PTSD from this kind of thing? No.

I think you have to have. Well, you know, I guess you could trauma. You could say this is a trauma. It feels a little bit just like it get being burnt on the stove or something. But if that, oh, wow, it's quick. Hello, good day. Thank you for contacting AT&T. This is Genesis Genesis.

Hi, my name is Duncan. Hi, Duncan, how can I help you this afternoon, sir? Hi, well, I just kind of start off tell you I've had some very frustrating last couple of days and I'm really considering canceling my service because it's just been so difficult. I just moved to a new home and I'm trying to have the internet installed here. And three days ago, the technician was supposed to be here. They didn't arrive within the time window.

They didn't even arrive later that day. And the same thing happened the next day. And now it's the third day and I'm considering canceling the service because they can't seem to communicate with me to install it. And I was wondering if you could help me. OK, all right, well, I completely understand the frustration that I get. I would probably feel the same if I'm on your choose, but I'll be more than happy to assist you.

I would have considered moving forward with that. Thank you. You're welcome. I just need those awesome questions to pull up your account. That's OK. OK, what information do you need? Do you have the account number or the contact number attached to the order? Thank you. All right.

Let me just go ahead and pull up the account here real quick. OK, give me one moment for that. No problem. All right, so. Street Street. What's the zip code? OK, thank you. OK, also, as we go on,

well, I just want to secure a good mobile telephone number that we may use to reach you via phone contacts with information about your APNP service. OK, I just gave it to you. Out of the same number. Thank you. All right, one information, one more information, though. I just need the four digit. Thank you so much for that.

And by the way, I'm seeing you that you have called in earlier. Assuming this is about the same problem. Yes, like I said, this has been going on for three days now. It was supposed to be installed on Thursday morning. And the technician never showed up. They never called to say that they would be late. I called up and then they said they someone put me in touch with the technician. They said they were they didn't know when they would be arriving.

And I called again to the call center and they said it would be there later that day. The entire day passed, sun up to sundown. No one arrived. I was forced to stay at home the entire day, even though I have a lot of pressing matters, I had to have I had to pay someone to go pick up my children at school because I couldn't make it there. And then the next day they said that we established a window when the technician would arrive.

And they again did not show up during the window. I had to again pay someone to pick up my children at school. I had to pay someone to deliver food to the home because I could not leave because I didn't want to miss the technician during the window. And I have been unwashed this entire time. So again, the technician did not show up during the time that was set up by the company. And I called again and they said they would be arriving. They again did not arrive.

I had to spend more money to have my children picked up at school and to have more food delivered to the home because I could not leave because I was told the technician would be arriving. And now it's today, Saturday, the technician was supposed to be here from 11 to one. They have not arrived and no one has called me and communicated any type of lateness whatsoever. And at this point I have two questions.

Who do I send an invoice to to pay for the things that I've had to pay for because of the lateness, the tardiness of the technician who's never showed up and also do you recommend a different internet provider other than AT&T because clearly AT&T is unable to provide service? OK, let's do one by one. Let's go with your questions one by one. OK. Your first question.

Just to clarify that, are you asking for a department that can compensate you? Yes, I would like to be compensated for the time I've had, the time, the money I've had to spend because these technicians have not arrived. I've basically been forced to stay home for two days straight because I've been, they've been stringing me along saying that this technician is going to arrive and no one shows up at all and no one calls me to inform me they won't be showing up. You have my phone number.

You're a telecommunications company and yet no one can communicate with me. It's incredibly frustrating. My family has had AT&T for 70 for I don't know how long. Our family's always used AT&T. I love AT&T. It's always worked for me. I have an AT&T. I mean, everything.

And this is making me feel so disillusioned and losing my complete faith in AT&T as a company. I'm considering selling my stock. I don't know how to rectify this. OK, all right. I see what I want is the Internet to be installed. And I want someone to show up when they say they are. But at this point,

if you told me that someone was going to be here in an hour, I wouldn't believe you. Because so far it's happened four times someone was supposed to be here. And no one not only have they not showed up, shown up at all. No one even called to tell me that anything was happening. OK, all right, I see. Well, I completely understand how frustrating this is when you're and I will blame you, you know,

if you want if you will doubt that somebody will arrive today to do the installation. I'm actually I'm currently checking on your ticket right now here. It's actually pre-assigned to one of the technicians already. However, there are two technicians actually involved on your installation. We have the first the first technician or the primary technician is the one who will install the services inside the premise. So he'll be the one to hook up the modem.

The second technician here, this is an outside technician. This is like a stay and play technician. For example, the the inside technician had a problem activating the services and he needs to check something outside. That's the that's the time that he will take assistance on the second technician. OK, well, this I don't know how this matters at all because no one's no one's been here. No one's been to the house at all.

So I don't know what you're obviously these technicians need to be replaced. Is there is can you have this service order given to technicians who are able to able to actually follow up on the call that they're supposed to be on? Because clearly, I mean, obviously, you have nothing to do with this whatsoever. But there's something something's wrong because something's not happening. There's someone someone's not getting the message. And as a result, I've been imprisoned in my home,

forced to live in my own filth because I'm at the mercy of this company that will not refuses to uphold their end of the service. If I were to call you up and not pay my bill for three months, would you guys would you guys keep sending me service? You'd cancel my service. I'm I'm not allowed to not pay. So how is it that the technicians are allowed just to not show up? Doesn't make any sense to me.

Oh, of course, I got your point done again. You made it very clear. And I know you're under the impression right now that, you know, we are not, you know, keeping our promise. It's not an impression. It's not an impression. It's a fact. Well, particularly, yes, it's a fact. I must admit, and again, on behalf of my team, I really apologize for this inconvenience.

I know, sorry, it will not get us nowhere. But actually, what's happening is that there is no available outside technician as to why the inside technician is not yet dispatched. We are we are waiting, you know, for both. We need two technicians to be dispatched out there because the premise technician alone, you know, I understand to complete.

OK, well, how come that how come that was if that's the case, how come no one told me that? How come I say someone's coming when no one's coming? No, no, I must admit, again, that is our shortcoming. I understand, you know, somebody should have contacted you at least and let you know what is going on to be honest with you when it comes to this matter. It's actually, you know, a business of our dispatch sector. But I would be more than happy to send the feedback.

And if you still would like to to do the installation, since you're not getting a feedback from the dispatch team, if you want, I'll be the one to keep you updated from time to time. We're not getting much calls today, so I can monitor you. This has already happened twice before with someone telling me they'd update me and I haven't received a single incoming call to update me. Here's what needs to happen. There's two things that need to happen.

One, this installation needs to be completely free and I need to be given a credit for the I need to be given a credit for the first month at least. I think I need, you know what, they've already there needs to be some sort of a credit in place here for this. The second thing that needs to happen is I need to be connected with someone stateside, someone local, someone who is in the area in which I live so I can communicate with them to get to the bottom of this, because obviously you're far away from this whole matter.

So it's hard for that to be you to communicate with them. So is there a way I can be connected with someone from the local branch of whatever this is? So I can I could connect you over to someone from US, but there's no guarantee that it will be someone from your area or from your states in California. Well, I'll take it. OK, well, I just need to be connected to someone who who has a who understands

what's going on here. Just ask when they're coming. It's boring. No one wants to hear this. Anyway, this is a nightmare. I feel like they inflict this on people. I don't know how. OK. If you want, I'll connect you over to someone from onshore. That's the least thing that I can do about your request.

OK. OK. I'm committed now. Isn't this crazy? This has been going on for like this. This thing, this conversation, you just said, I've had it at least seven times. The exact same thing to this weird shit about one technician and another technician. But what a crazy thing is they keep saying, no, they're going to come.

They keep saying they're going to come. That's what's weird about it. Is there, by the way, would you mind if inflation work for a minute or two so I can dial the US Department? Go for it. Right. Thank you. Whoa, that's what I've been hearing for fucking that fucking sax blast. Isn't this the craziest thing is because they can't say, hey,

we're not going to make it today. They just keep saying, no, no, no, it's right around the corner, man. We're going to call you. Let you know it's the first insane thing. And the other crazy thing is I bet that all over L.A. right now, there's at least 2000 people stuck in their house, maybe for months, months. Yeah, mentally ill people who just can't let go.

Oh, my God, people who can't assert themselves. Yeah, just in their home. Wow. Waiting and waiting prisoners. So fucked up, dude. Prisoners, maybe it's some sort of a cabal. Fact. What I want to say is I talk to some America, I'm going to say. What should I do?

What would you do if you were me? Yeah, that's a good one. Because right now I feel like I am insane. It's true. I mean, what I'm doing is I'm just giving up. I don't I'm just going to like go live my life. And if I miss the appointment, who fucking gives a shit? Oh, I feel like Tina Turner in 1975.

This is the fifth time I've given me flowers this week. But where it's really creepy is I'm the one it's like the monkey. You know the stupid thing about how you catch a monkey? No, put a jewel in a hole. Yeah, and the monkey grabs the jewel. But can't get his hand up describing the jewel. It's that it's all goes back to me.

I'm the consumer that's like wanting a fucking T1 line. I could easily just like, no, I'm just going to get another internet thing. It's like all what I think the reason it's so particularly disturbing is that it's my it's my fault. Yeah, if I really gave a shit about my life, I would just be like, no. But it's still their fault because it's something where how come this is don't they want to they want you to have it? It's a premium service.

They make money off. No one wants anything at AT&T because it's diffused among the infinite number of people that the corporation has no intent or will. It's a zombie. It doesn't want a thing. If this is just like this thing here, this is just like a number that pops up on a stack of probably thousands of sheets. There's just it'll say suicide, suicide, suicide, suicide risk, suicide risk,

suicide risk, suicide risk 2.4, suicide risk 6.5. There's no like there's no there's no like, you know, even if like some somehow like putting this on the podcast, it got back to AT&T, it wouldn't it wouldn't mean it doesn't matter. The thing is so massive. It's unstoppable. It's not like you're and especially it's unstoppable when idiots like me are not cancer, like you're just not like, no, I'm not going to be.

I'm not going to get you as my service. But they've got the fucking fiber, baby. The only ones have the fiber in the area. The only ones at the fire. They're the only ones who have the fiber because it's like only one company owns in one area. Right. Is that how it works? I think so. Yeah.

And so you're just kind of it's like it's like a drug dealer. Yeah, it's like it's like you're a heroin addict and there's one dealer who's got the heroin and no matter how much you want to assert dominance, doesn't matter, it all comes down to the basic essence of capitalism, which is supplying a man, baby. They've got the product you want it. They're the only ones with the product and there's nothing you can do about it. No, so except not have it.

Except not have it. Yeah, except not have it or just stay at home. Day after day, you know, maybe this isn't actually more of an example of like what happens with communism when the state is the only dispenser of items and you're just doomed, maybe this is like more of an example of what it was like in the Soviet Union when everything was fucking just state run. Right. And the state provided the jeans. What's that?

Oh, God, the sacks, dude. My fantasy is that when the installer comes, I'm going to play that sacks music. You should loud as I can. You should also have a hold them up at gunpoint. You should force them to stay in your house for three days. Oh, you're staying here, buddy. You're here now. Hope your cards are a good spot because you're not leaving. Dude, that is a great fucking movie.

Like like that stupid falling down with Michael. Yes, somebody kidnaps their AT&T guy. Dude, I keep thinking they need to be a remake of falling down. It definitely does. There's so many times when, like, I feel like that is just right. It's right. It's right here. Nothing's changed. It's the same thing. It's only gotten worse if you think about it in terms of falling down things,

the things to fall down about. So this time would be like it could be like not like some guy wearing a with like stodgy old clothes and stuff would be like a regular regular dude who's loses his mind. That would be the best because he was kind of like an older generation. Honestly, this is it. I think we've thought of the movie. We've got it right, which is just a guy who's been in his house for three days waiting for fucking an AT&T tech and the guy finally shows up

and he freaks out and captures the AT&T tech and then tortures him over the course of a couple of days. Then it becomes Stockholm syndrome where they fucking fall in love. Or just, you know, like one of those classic Japanese torture porn horror movies where it isn't like there's no real plot. It's just just brutality after brutality. It's just no just, you know, slicing off the very top layers of his eyeball. There's no goodness.

There's no goodness at all. And just it's just the saxophone just keeps playing and keeps. The guy's like shitting and pissing. Hello, Duncan. Yes, this is Duncan. Hi, Duncan. I apologize for the whole digital genesis, but I have your call. He's from U.S.

Moving forward, he'll be the one to assist you further. Thank you, gentlemen. You're welcome. I'll leave you both now so you can have this issue settled. Great. Hello, Duncan. Yes. How are you doing?

Well, not the best. OK, so so he just updated me about what's going on with your account here. So you have somebody supposed to come out today and are they supposed to do an insulation, I believe? Yes, I moved into a new house and there's no internet here, obviously, because it's a new home and this is I've been strung along now for two days. There was four separate appointments they were supposed to someone's supposed to show up at and no one is no one showed up and no one has even called me at all.

Even though multiple times I was told I was going to be called and it was always on me to call up and wait on hold for I've probably been on the phone at this point for about five hours, literally on the phone for five hours. So it's so frustrating here. I just I honestly don't know what to do because I mean, you could tell me right now that someone is going to be here in the next hour. And honestly, I wouldn't believe what you're saying because so far people have canceled, not even canceled, they just haven't shown up.

And no one's even told me that no one's coming. Like I would understand if I oh, there's been a problem. The technician will be an hour late. Fine. But I've had to I've had to do all these things. I've had to pay someone to go pick up my children at school because I was waiting on the person I've had to spend all this extra money on my own because I've been basically held hostage at home, waiting on someone who never shows up.

And I guess I just feel at this point, I don't know. What do you think I should do? Well, I'm going to say this like I'm on the BFA team, I'm sorry about what you're going through. I know I've been through myself personally. And that's never, never a good thing. It's usually tedious, tedious experience to go through. This is this is beyond tedious.

You know, so what I'm going to do is I mean, I can get you over, I can get you over the loyalty if you want. I don't know if you already gave the details about them supposed to be coming today. Yeah, I mean, what what details are that? Because they've they've they supposed to have already been here by now and they're not here. So yeah, they were told to come today between well, it says 1 PM here. Yeah. So yeah, they should they should definitely be there now.

No, they won't. But they won't be a little late. But I really hope they do actually show up and not reschedule on your game. Because that's not that's not that's not good. But yeah, they're supposed to be out today. I could also get you over over the loyalty as well. What is that feeling? Basically, your loyalty department, they can give you any they can basically

if you're having a problem with the services that were you know, I mean, and having any issues with what's happening, you can tell them to give you for motions or whatever they can to you know, I mean, try to satisfy such a customer after what you're going after what you're going through. So I mean, I can get you over to them and they can be and collecting only thing I can do is I can just give you the information that we have on files for when they're coming out.

What does it say? I can change and or I can change that. It says they're coming. It says everything's still pending. OK, I just still pending right now. So it looks like they never rescheduled anything. Everything looks like it's going to happen. But that's the thing is that this has already happened four times where they've they've not rescheduled either and I've called up and they said they're coming.

And it's just like what's happening right now is the same thing has happened to me with four other people I've talked to. So I guess I just understand how obviously you're a different person than who I talked to. But I can't think you're seeing anything in front of you that's any different than the four other people I've talked to previously. And I can guarantee you that's probably your accident. Correct.

I'm pretty much seeing the exact same thing. Right. They've seen and they probably already told you just like I've heard it before. Are you even seeing do you even have a record of me calling and this happening? Like is it showing like a record? OK, so I'm not like crazy in saying that this is this is just keeps happening and nothing's nothing's changing. Nothing's going forward. So we have a record on here. And like I said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Half of it to you that you're going through this. Yeah, like I said, it's not it's not the best deal to go through. And it's very frustrating. Well, I guess I can get you over the loyalty if you do want to them to like you see if they can offer you anything special. Yes, please. Now you're going through. You know what I mean? That's fine. I guess that's all we can do right now.

And then, yeah, like I said, everything's still pending. It looks like they're still going to come out today. OK. OK, what will I do if they don't? If they don't come out? Yeah. I know they're supposed to show up for one and they're supposed to let you know and they haven't done either of those things.

So that's not a good thing at all. No, definitely supposed to let you know what's going on. I guess it's in the area. But at the same time, you know, that's just on the technician, I guess, so that's supposed to come out there. It's supposed to let you know, though. You know what it sounds like? It sounds like maybe these technicians should be fired.

You know, some people that just, you know, you just don't know what they're up to. They could be they could be taking taking massive dumps and they could be they could be actually doing it. Bogged down with current jobs that they're on. You know, I mean, yeah, they get bogged down pretty hard. You don't have to say about that. Life is a problem.

Right. OK, I'll be connected to loyalty, please. I appreciate that. Yeah, for sure. Definitely. And again, thank you for calling AT&T. My name is Kyle. I'm going to get to loyalty and just bear with me. Thanks, Kyle.

No problem. Can you believe it? It's the craziest fucking thing. How much how much free internet do you want? They already gave me a month. You need three, maybe five. I five thousand. I just want the fucking internet.

I know you do. That's the that's the big that's the big irony of customer service is that all you want is the thing that you want. The funny thing is this is maybe a new job is like somebody who like negotiates with massive soulless corporations for you when you're getting fisted by I love it, the fucking apocalypse, because it's like I don't have to deal with it because it's not me. So I can like look at it from a different almost like a like a puzzle.

I can't do it. Like I'm like in Game of Thrones. I'm like, if you wait, you don't watch that, do you? I love it. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like Greek at this point. I just my lip starts trembling and I just like I just shake. I don't know what to do. You know, I'm like, again, because what this means is like I said they're inviting

me to stay at my house for another day. Yeah. You know, which I can't I can't do that. I mean, there's so many things I just I just want to go for a walk. Right. Get outside. Beautiful day. I can't wait to drop this all on him.

But you can't even go for a walk. I can't even go outside. I'm developing rheumatism. I've got fucking pneumonia. I just want to go outside. That's all I just want to go outside. I want to like walk the dogs, get some exercise. I want to go get shelving.

I want to and the thing is, is I'm listening to myself talk. I'm thinking, oh, this is the sound of. This is the sound of the apocalypse. It's the hymn of it's like this is the sound of like how it used to be that you would just you wouldn't fucking be worried about a T1 line. You'd be up to your fucking knees and some string manure. You'd be, oh, yeah, you'd be up to your knees. That'd be great, though.

Maneuver is clean, good, fresh manure. Yeah, you'd be up to your fucking knees and manure. Just just shoveling, grinning ear to ear and shoveling, shoveling. The kids are out there playing them a newer too. No sacks playing. It's a good idea for a serial killer movie. There's someone who plays that shit. Like, you know, you're about to get murdered when you hear that.

Yeah, oh, shit. Oh, yes. Hello. Hi, yeah, we got them on the other end here. I just brought you right now on hold. So just bear with me while I get them on. OK, great. But the lady I talked to yesterday, I was like, hey, do you know who decided to play that sax music?

Oh, and she's like, no. And that's the other weird thing is somebody made the decision. Yeah, someone was like previewing different loops of music. I'm like, no, let's use that fucking sax. They have always new things now where they can this even old stuff. Years ago, we used to have the computer has things that can tell the tone of your voice. Yeah, so if you come at them hot, even in the interactive computer menu, you get routed to a different place.

Yeah, so that's why I was with the computer. I'm always very calm, like, yes. Because then you get the you know, if you come in hot, they know you're like, they'll send you to the loony, the loony area. They won't service you because they know it's like it's a whole thing. You know how you can't do something when you're angry? You can't. So they know they know that they have all these fucking psychologists.

How long have we been on hold? Thirty three minutes. OK, so this is hour six with AT&T now hour six logged. The AT&T Chronicles audience. You guys, I'm sorry to put you through this. Those of you who are still listening and you're just tasting a little bit of the bitter river I've been drinking. The better river.

I'd be a cool name for a podcast or just something. The bitter river. Wormwood, man, I just want to stream after. But once I get that sweet T1, get some fucking cameras set up. That's you could. I'll be able to stream in like 4K, I think. I don't know what the upload. I don't know what the upload speeds are.

Well, the history of uploads, he's probably going to be. It's going to be five. That's what I get you, man. I'll be five and be PSO4. Dude, we don't we don't want you. Oh, hi, sir. What are you doing with that much uploading? Typically, we'd only have like a content distribution platform using that.

All of our customers are very happy with the download because they're just consuming media. Are you, sir, are you are you sending media out? Are you profligating media? Hang on, I gotta piss. I'll be right back. We have a second tier for if you're actually a media provider, sir. And that's a different rate altogether. John Coltrane with the bad blues.

Living my life inside my house. Come on down to the hot spot. David Doe, Bickety Bob, Bubbly Boo, Motherfucker, dying inside my own life. Are you ready to find out what it's like to go through portal number six? Are you enjoying getting your. Holy shit.

Shit. Are you enjoying getting your so extracted portal number six provides all illusion of entertainment and release of pain. Open portal number six for 400 credits. You can too enjoy portal number six. Your soul is the reason you've been suffering. By distracting your soul, you'll experience no emotions for the next two billion incarnations for 5,000 extra credits.

You can enter a portal number five with full on saxophone blasts from a 365 degree circular radius. You too. Hello. Hi, Duncan. Yes. Are you there? I'm here.

Duncan's here. I got this on the line here. OK. I mean, this is a. Yeah, this is the world's ATT loyalty department and she's going to help you. She's going to give you some more answers on what you were talking about as far as what we can do for you about this. These mischedules. OK.

Got it. OK. Yes. You have yourself a great day, Duncan. Thank you for calling AT&T. Thanks, Kyle. And thank you again. Peace.

Hi, Krishna. Melissa with AT&T and I do also want to apologize for the trouble with the delay with the service. I know how much of a huge inconvenience that is. And I would certainly be frustrated as well. They let me know that you were looking for some type of compensation for the delay. And I'll be more than happy to see what we can do because this is certainly not the experience that we want you to have as a new AT&T services. That's correct. It's the only number I have.

OK, perfect. So much. I know the Kyle, he said that he reviewed over the status of the service that there was a delay. I know a little will still be follow up there for you. And then besides wanting to see what else we can do to compensate for the delay, were there any other questions on this account or any other AT&T services that you have that you need help with? I mean, really, for me, it's just the thing of I don't I also don't know what to do because

if I had to spend all this money, because I've basically been sort of kept kept captive in my home for the past three days because I've been waiting. I've been told multiple times, four times at this point that they were on their way, literally, and not a soul has showed up and no one, not a single person has ever called me, even though they have my number. So it's this thing where I just have constantly I've been on the phone. I think I've kind of now for six hours now. So that's the time on the phone.

So, I mean, it's just something where I don't know like right now they're supposed to have been here by now and it's past the time I'm supposed to be here. I have no hope whatsoever that anyone will show up at this house today. So I just I mean, I would see I would love to have and I have to pay for this service for four or five months, but at the same time, in order to not pay for the service, I have to have the service and I don't even have it. So it's like this idea of you giving me credits for something that doesn't exist. I just that's why it's like an existential nightmare here.

I don't even know what to ask of you. Obviously, you're a wonderful person and I'm sure you have literally nothing to do with what's going on here. I just don't I'm just sort of at my wits in because it's like how many times do I let myself be abused before I walk away? And I feel like at this point, it's just I don't know if it's worth it to get this service if it's somehow like it just keeps going on. I'm in the fifth circle of hell here.

And I'm paying for I'm literally paying to be abused. Order of the different changes were a date put in and that doesn't work. The order, it looks like there was initially a a further out date, not till 2036, which normally means that there's some type of facility errors that are there. But it's two thousand. It's like how what is that? Two thousand thirty six.

What is that? What does that have to reference to? That's like we'll all be dead by then. The order on hold. I can see that it was put on hold a couple of times. So our version of hold is changing the date, the due date to December 31st, two thousand thirty six, meaning it's on hold. Do you get is that what the apocalypse is supposed to be? What is that date?

That's an arbitrary is an arbitrary date. It's a random date that our system automatically does when the order is on hold due to facility issues. We have to get that fixed. It sounds like your system knows something that we don't. Oh, that's scary. And that's not the date that showing your today, it shows that your due date was supposed to be today.

OK, but I just wanted to point out that I can see that your service order, it was on hold a few times and it looks like we were under the impression that it was fixed and that there was a due date put in the 18th and the 19th. I see it now. So again, I sincerely apologize, but I can clearly see from what you've mentioned and the technician that you've certainly been through a lot with the changes here. I'm just getting this order pulled up here. Are you saying that all life on earth will end December 31st, two thousand thirty six?

Oh, of course not. That's just something random that the I'm sure that the system has picked just the date plucked out of the air that's far enough in advance and Harvard putting your order on hold. Oh, OK. Yeah, just a random number. Just just it's nothing, just a random number. Yeah, just random. Yeah, let me.

Strictly on that in the calendar. Circle December 31st, two thousand thirty six better get your shit done. Maybe they know we're going to die. That's it. Maybe it's my personal service. I'm showing that this is for the Internet alone. Did you have any other AT&T services? No, that will do me. They still there?

Yeah, OK, I got it. The information to come up fully. At first glance, I could tell that the installation, I know that was already waived on one of the things that occurred here. OK. Sorry for the delay, just waiting for this morning to come up. It's OK. I'm building a fire.

Oh, OK. Got brisk weather here. Imagine. You know what they say, wind is a brisk business. Yep, that's what they say. I'll abort myself just farther up north. Oh, cool. And it's pretty brisk up here.

Yeah, wind is a brisk business. Ask, ask. Am I supposed to just wait here for the rest of the day for a bit? Shit's loading. They'll have such shit computers. So you're trying to get the information here or I'm just just curious. Yeah, I'm just checking to see what else we can do with the service here. OK, do you know what should I continue to wait today because the window has passed?

Yeah, I mean, although I mean, the window is passed, the appointment is still. I mean, it's still here. I mean, it's still here. How about let me just check one other system. I was looking to see what other options with the service here. I know the technician said that he already checked for today's time. But let me check the window and see what's going on. It's still being expedited or not.

Like it means that I put on late. But you haven't gotten a call yet. I think it means that they haven't ever called. Well, they haven't ever called, actually. Some things amuck. I think maybe the computer is trying to destroy humankind or some of these technicians are have a severe drug problem. Or some there's something in their life that maybe maybe someone's had an accident

and they don't want to report it or just just some sort of something foul. Well, I've checked the tech notes here and show it says that this is assigned to a technician. I want to see if I can message the technician at all, if I'm able to reach him. I mean, this is I've honestly I've been through all this before. This is just we're in a cycle now, I think this is just my life now. It seems like the previous technician you spoke to, did he also try and reach the technician? Never spoke to anyone. I spoke to someone the first day and that person was completely not helpful.

They acted like I was a lunatic for asking them and how I'd been connected with them. And the fact that they they couldn't even give me a time when they would be here. I was like, well, can you at least tell me when you're going to show up or something? Like, we don't know. Which is I don't know how you don't even at least offer to reschedule. Hey, maybe you can come a different a different day. But that wasn't even presented as an option. I honestly feel like we're in like a some sort of a weird dictatorial regime

that's about to fail, like a failed state. That shouldn't be the case. If the appointment is missed, then we should we should negotiate having a new date in and if that wasn't done, then again, I sincerely apologize. Yeah, different previous thing is I was under the impression that that was done before. Let me let me just check in here. Is this the strangest thing?

It's the strangest thing, dude. What's being checked? I don't get that. I'm on mute right now. It's the weirdest thing. This has been going this this could theoretically go on infinitely. How long have we been talking AT&T 48 minutes? So like this is like a double pot. This is just a two part podcast, one part, our conversation.

The second part, the most boring phone call. Those of you who are still listening, you guys are fucking incredible. I'm not. I don't think I'm going to edit any of this either. I think it's pretty good, though. It's kind of it's kind of nice up and down or now we're weaving. I want people to experience the the the the the horror. This is what horror looks like. We're still like, what is she checking?

I don't know what I'm going to ask. Hi, just checking in. How's it going? For me, yeah, just I just not hearing anything. Oh, are you what's being checked right now? Check the notes. Yeah, I'm sorry about the delay. I'm just checking on the notes here to see since you were asking about the appointment and you said you hadn't heard anything about the previous appointment.

Right. So I'll check to checking on that. Since the the tech other the tech site that we're able to check, it still has the same appointment for today. And it says it's assigned to someone, which normally if that's the case, that means someone should be on their way. But like I said, wait, right. But this is the fourth. This is now no one's here.

And this is the this is the third day. And this is the fifth appointment now that's been been missed. So also, I've been on the phone now for about seven hours. It's I've been on the phone just now for the past 50 minutes. So it's almost one hour. And nothing literally nothing has changed whatsoever. No, and I'm sorry, because the technician who connected you over, he I was under the impression that he already went over

what was happening with the appointment that there is a delay, that he was connecting you here to see if there's something else that we can do for compensation of the appointment being missed. Yeah, I would love that. Yeah, as far as that, that was the first thing I was checking before you were asking me about the date not being notified. That's why I kind of veered off into a different direction. OK, so for the initial portion of the call,

I can see here that with the service itself, it already shows with the waiver of the install. So that's taken care of also at your cost is discounted. Normally I'm ten dollars more and we did get an extra discount off of the base rate of the service being that it's in it alone. You mean taking off the monthly charge or what? Discounted off of the monthly charge. So for for how long?

That is it's for a year. So they sent it alone. It's normally ninety dollars for the one thousand. And with the extra ten, that's changing it to ninety. And then the install, it's normally ninety nine dollars. So that means we need some previous calls due to the trouble. I think it needs to be less a month. Yeah, there's

let me double check here. Normally the cost is less when it's combined with another service. I'm supposed to wait here so far. I think it should be the whatever that cost is then. Yeah, it's a difference of ten dollars. The extra discount that we can get to get it down to seventy is only when it's bundled, your cost is normally the one. Can you just make it seventy as though it were bundled then?

Yeah, I can't make it seventy. But what I can what I would recommend is once the service does start, then we can do about maybe getting a month's credit in for you. And I'll make it here. I've already been given a month's credit. Well, there's no credit yet because your service hasn't started yet. But if you've already been offered to have one month's credit in addition to this ten dollars off and in addition to the ninety nine dollars more for the install.

But it looks like those are the three things that we normally do. OK, well, that's what you normally do, but I normally don't have to wait three days. No, I do understand. There's there's just nothing else that I can put on the service like you mentioned earlier is a service that hasn't started yet. Right. So that's by what I would recommend is once the service actually comes on and starts starting to work and your bill comes off, comes out, then, of course, we'll be able to go from there.

But as far as extra discounts, as if it's bundled, that's something that no one can change unless it's actually combined billed with something else. You have to have another AT&T service. Any any like the cell phone or or right, but we're just talking about numbers here. You can actually do anything you want. That's sort of something that's that's an arbitrary construct. I mean, it's not like, well, it's literally it literally is true. Ask if I should wait for this.

Here's my question. Should I should I wait for the rest of the day now or what? I mean, I just don't know how to go on living, like what to choose to do. Because at this point, I've spent hundreds of dollars for services to compensate for my inability to leave my home. So I'm just sure if I'm at this point now where I feel like I'm Sisyphus, except it's with. Delivery.

I will check here and see what other date we have so that you don't have to stick around. They won't come for that day. But I didn't have a different mission, but I didn't hear back from him. I think this technician is AWOL. Just say if they create another day, if they create another day, it's going to happen on that day. Usually we can tell us representatives are in. In this case, as a technician, it may be a little different, but I just. I don't know where I can do an instant message and I'm not hearing back.

Can you give me the technician's phone number name? So I don't have a phone number for him. But the technician that's assigned, I can see his first name is Jesse. I can tell that. Where does Jesse live? Phone numbers I have. I'm sorry. Does Jesse have like a way I can contact him? Is he have an address or a appeal box or something? No, there's no there's nothing like that.

In our system, we there's a link up to the order where I can send a like a sort of instant message to the technician. I was hoping that through tech support. And again, I don't know all of what you went over because it sounds like I was given half information and I'm so sorry. The I thought maybe the previous technician did the checks to try and communicate with this technician to see what's going on since he's still assigned to it. Yeah, that has happened and we can do one of two things.

I can I can recheck and see what the next available due date is here. And we can we can try again and change this. I'm just afraid that with the with what's happened with the address, if I make a change here, I just don't want another missed appointment. But the missed appointments already happened. Like, like, I just don't know. I don't want to put another date in that may not work. We can certainly get tech support involved

and see what it can be expedited to and go from there. Is there someone I can speak with who has like a general overarching understanding of everything to the point where they can like have some sort of actionable intelligence with with the agent in the field where they can communicate. Actual information, not just speculation in terms of what's going to happen. Because any time I've ever done this before, I've been able to connect with the technician.

The technician has my phone number when we talk on the phone. The technician calls, hey, I'm going to be there in 15 minutes. Hey, hey, I'm here and I talk to him or even even an hour before anything. I communicate with the technician because they're the ones doing the work to the point where we can we can use our what people do is they communicate and we figured out and everything's fine. Because right now I'm being run through a series of different phone numbers. And I spoke to three people today alone.

And it's just this thing where there seems to be no one has any. No one knows what's going on. It's like the hand doesn't know what the head doesn't know what the hand is doing. And it's it's I'm just I'm a prisoner in my home. Let me ask you this, Duncan. What did the previous technician advise you of this appointment before he connected you to me? He said it was before one o'clock at that point. So he still had hope that someone would show up.

But now it's it's oh my god, it's 20 minutes past one. So obviously he was he was thinking that maybe someone might still show up because it was still within the window. But now we're we're past the window now. No, I understand that was certainly a possibility unless or something has happened to the technician, which I hope is nothing serious. Well, I at this point, I kind of hope does something does something serious does happen.

Maybe he goes to a meeting and or connects with a loved one and sees things clearly or something. Some sort of a maybe a breakthrough or like an epiphany of sorts. Because something's happening in that van. And it's not moving. Yeah, no, I understand. Maybe he's being held hostage. Anything is possible, but let me do this. Anything's possible, except getting that bundle rate without the bundle.

That, yeah, that is certainly out of my range. And and as far as the cost, that's why I advise bill wise. We would have to wait until the start. Wait until it starts. OK. We'll make a change there to see if there's some other way to help compensate offsetting for that difference. Yeah, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. I'm sorry again, Duncan.

I know that you're frustrated and I wish there was I wish I was a technician. I can fix this for you. Me too. I'm just trying to help here. So if you don't mind holding, I can give a call back to tech support and to see if I can get a hold of someone who is able to reach out or find out what's happened to this previous technician if someone else is in this place. Can I ask one thing? Can so can someone call me on my phone?

Because I've been on hold here for so long now. OK, I understand. But and I know that you're you've been on hold and you're wanting this taken care of right away. So being honest, if you do need to drop the line and go, I don't blame you. I can set this for a follow up just a follow up to usually take one to two days. OK, I'll hold. I'll hold. OK, I'm just being honest.

OK, I know you don't mind holding. I will go ahead and call and see if I can get someone to answer for you right away. OK, and if so, then I'll be able to connect you to them to get that taken care of. God, I'm ready to hold. And if anything happens here during our call, you'll be by phone or text one moment, please. All right now. Isn't this wild?

I got a piss. OK, OK. What the sanity? This is the future, dude. This is this is the craziest thing. You know, I think I think it's an AT&T thing. What do you mean? There's something about AT&T because it's the oldest telecom telecommunications company. Yeah, I think there's some shit because they're so old that there's like these

weird legacy kind of like baffles. There's like weird old things that have in place that have to do with old operator, something that doesn't something that Time Warner did. Yes, something that doesn't doesn't happen anymore. Like with Time Warner, because they're like a cable company. I just think that that's what it is. I think it's some weird shit where they. It's just I think it's just corp.

It's a corp. It's a massive corporation with a million departments. And it's this woman doesn't really understand what's happening. And the people in tech support don't know what's happening. And no one really understood. There's no way to like there's no cohesion. No. And there's not a person. This is but this is what's amazing because it's this dystopian bureaucracy, essentially, that is like amazing in the sense that it's literally it could

drive a person insane. Like this is the kind of thing that like you could have a heart attack. You could like just eventually just go nuts because you can hear it's like something is Joseph Heller. It's like you can you can you can hear like, OK, we can do something. But it might take two days for that thing. You know, or we can do this thing, but she's going to come back. Having spoken to someone who's going to say either something about the outside

line and two technicians coming, but it'll always just be more confusion. We're vagary. And it'll also what's really funny is no one for the past three days has been able to get in touch with the technicians. And the specialist just answered. OK, now got it. Well, that's the account. Great.

Thank you so much. So now they have a specialist, which I've I've gotten to a specialist level. This is like a video game. I have a specialist. I've gotten this specialist level a couple of times. This the specialist essentially what it comes down to is you you need to call the tech person. Yeah.

But my theory is that the tech person is in a backyard, slowly being eaten by pit bulls. That's my theory is that for a couple of days. And I or maybe the technician has been kidnapped and he's praying. He's like, please, God, please, God, please, God, someone's got to just know. I'm not answering the phone. Yeah, I'm not showing up. So and we might be saving a life right now.

It might be like because I picture this guy. God, I can't believe this. Oh, I know. I just can't believe how long it's like a thing. It's just incredible. New music, at least this is good stuff. It's good jazz.

Well, we've got next level. We've gotten into an upper level. Ladies and gentlemen, we're in jazz two now. This is this is distinctively less annoying. This is almost like a pink panther type thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's baby.

It's going to be cool. Well, no, it's like a mystery because the technicians like one thing we know, the technician Jesse, he's got a phone, right? Like you and all you need is Jesse's phone number. And theoretically, Jesse is like they know an address he's working at. Yeah. You know, and so you fantasize in your head, you start coming up with these weird fantasies, like I'm going to find the tech support center and I'm going to drive

to the fucking tech support center and just burn it down. Shit in my hand and just smash it in the face of the first person. Your brain produces all these really awful things because nobody likes to be trapped. No, again, it's like all you got to do is just cancel the service. Yeah, the reality is, is that this corporation has a thing that we want and there's nothing you can do to punish them at all. You can't just be Tom Hodgkins and talk about that shit about how,

like, you know, like any company that you get service from. Jesse, we're talking about Jesse here. OK, we're talking about Jesse. Yeah. Oh, I'm saying what the technician is, Jesse. Oh, yes, Jesse. Yeah, I just like to call people by name just to put a face on it. OK, I'll see if she can give out the number.

I don't know if that will be possible, but I will ask. I mean, it's possible. Yes, I will definitely ask. Got it. Thank you. You're welcome. Watch out. Yeah. Yeah. So this is like when you think about it, man, like.

I could have just not called and just sort of gone about my life. Yeah. And it would have made no difference because they're not coming. Right. I could have disregarded that they the appointment means anything and what's but somewhere in here. It does start entering into this existentialist. Well, you're priced in. You spent so much time. Yeah, they're not clamped in deep.

Yeah. So so yeah, my my life has now become. You're invested. I mean, I'm essentially manacled to a corporate entity. Like it's like it's this kind of technological tornado that has to co-dependent relationship. Yeah. And I've been pulled into it with this collective of people who are equally confused. Like this woman doesn't really know what's happening.

Whoever she's talking to probably doesn't really know much of what's happening. And every individual at AT&T, probably all the way to the very top, all the way to the top, the dude who has the triangle head with a fucking eyeball on the surface for us. Eventually, as you get up to the upper levels of AT&T, the language shifts, things I bet the higher up you get is just fax tones. In between, there is a level of like pyramid head men. You're just like

walking up and eventually when it reaches some point, we're at the very top of AT&T, there's just a spinning ball of glowing black light. It's a black hole. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, fucking Jesse's femur is getting not on by a fucking dog or he's like, I think Jesse is probably smoking some meth. I think Jesse doesn't know he's a technician. I think that's really funny.

Yeah. He's a mindless automaton who is doing stuff. He's unaware. He's like a zombie. He's like, he's like someone on Ambien. Yeah. They just are unaware that they're doing they're moving. Yeah. He doesn't know Jesse. Jesse, no, Jesse probably surfing somewhere. Jesse. He doesn't know what's happening. He's just like. Yeah.

He's he's like plugged into the matrix. Yeah. And his body is doing stuff. Yeah. He just doesn't know. Yeah. He's unaware of it because he's being like he's being pacified by some sort of a grand vision. I don't think there is a Jesse. I think Jesse is like it's a prime acronym or an ancient God or something. An ancient God.

Jesse is like the name of some Illuminati low level Demiurge or something or not Demiurge, a demigod that they worship. You know, Jesse, what's Jesse doing? We can't get in touch with Jesse. You need the blessings of Jesse to achieve the blessings of Jesse. Yeah. Yeah. We can't get it. Do you remember that Star Wars Star Trek movie where they had the nexus?

It's this big, like crazy nebula that goes through space when you're inside of it. You're basically in heaven and like Picard and I think Kirk are both in it. And they have to realize there's one point where they're in there without chopping wood on this farm they live on and everything's so great. And they're like, oh, shit, we're in the nexus right now. They're like in perfect happiness, but they realize, oh, we're we're trapped inside this prison because we have to break out of it.

But to break out of it, they have to deny this sort of heaven, this perfect cyclical heaven that they live in. How did they figure out they were in the nexus? Because it was like it was too good to be true. Did they try to get AT&T installed? Yeah, well, they had AT&T installed. And they knew like, what a second, this T1 line has been installed. This isn't right.

It's like that thing, all those movies about dreams. There's a signifier to allow you to know your reality. It's the spinning top and what's it called? Inception. It's any of that shit. It's all like the what's your signifier to know that you're in. So right now, I know that we're in the real world because this is happening. Right, because you would know something's fucked up if AT&T was like, yeah, we're going to be there between 11 and one.

Yeah, just a drum break. That's probably just some sort of it's literally probably just a sound design to cause you to stay alert. Meanwhile, meanwhile, you know, I have friends who I have friends who live in a van in Kauai, yeah, who are just like walking in the sand right now, eating, eating delicious Hawaiian tacos, sunning, sunbathing in the sand, not thinking about a T1 connection. Maybe listening to this music, though.

No, no, this is a beach jam. This music is I guarantee this. I bet this music isn't being generated from technology. I bet that they have a laboratory chimpanzee that they figured out a way to turn its fear in the music. The electrodes power this. Oh, God. Oh, that's that's chimp fear number two.

That's Jesse. Jesse is the chimps. I'm still working with the technician and just to confirm the specialist she's speaking with are the Uber Dispatch Center and evidently your order, it's been assigned to a different technician. The system I'm looking at is still showing the original person. But she's saying that as of a minute ago, she said two minutes prior, another technician has picked it up.

So I'm just trying to get confirmation from her of where I can get that information confirmed to make sure someone's still coming out. What's the technician's name, the new one? That I don't know, that's why I'm trying to get confirmation from her, because I'm still seeing the previous person's name and still not knowing the person. So just continue to hold and I'm going to keep checking back until I get the answers for you. OK, thank you so much for your patience. Got it.

I don't know. I was just thinking maybe having a barbecue. How far north of California do you live? I'm actually in Roderick Park, about 40, 40, 45 miles north of San Francisco. Oh, that's a nice area. That's really pretty up there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You got to love a good farm.

Cleans the air. Also super cold. Yeah. Give me one moment. I'm just going to put the magazine up on me. OK, someone's calling me right now from Gardena. Let me see it. Hello.

Hi, this is Jesse with 18. Holy shit. Hey, what's up, Jesse? How's it going, man? Hey, I'm right now. I'm about to head out that way. I should be there in maybe 30 minutes. I'm kind of far, like in West Hollywood. You're definitely coming, though, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No way. How's your day going? It's been all right so far. Have you dealt with any like pit bulls or kidnappers or anything? Not not not yet. Cool, man. That great, dude. I really can't wait to see you, Jesse.

I'm excited to meet you, man. Yeah, Jesse, you can be right there. That's right, baby. All right, all right. All right, I'll be there soon. So, Jesse, you'll definitely be here. Yeah, yeah. I'm about to start driving up there.

Will you call me when you're when you're outside? It's hard to find. Yeah, of course. OK, great, man. Thanks. All right. It's hard to find. Just call when you're outside, Jesse. Hello? Can you switch back?

Oh, we're back in hold. Holy fucking shit. You know what did it? I'll tell you what did it. What is when I asked her about me? What do you think did it, man? I think it's when I asked her where she lived and she told me she was she wasn't lying.

She told me where she lives, where she works. And that activated Jesse. I think it injected some sort of reality into the equation that activated Jesse as a sleeper cell. It's some sort of thing we're like, OK, so this she's Melissa has been asked a personal question. She answered it personally because I was a sense I was about to invite her to our barbecue.

We're going to have our internet barbecue because obviously I've got no I know Melissa better than most people in my life at this point. So I was about to invite Melissa to a barbecue. She lives kind of far north of San Francisco, so she'd have to drive about six or hours to get here. But, you know, this is why I tied her in, I tied her in. And so she hit that panic button.

It's Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse. Awaken, Jesse. Awaken, Jesse. Awaken, Jesse from the Stasis Chamber. He's in West Hollywood. They had to defon that's why it took so long. He's in West Hollywood. I'm sure he's in West Hollywood.

He's probably in some fucking deep underground chamber. He comes up in this special tube. Gets it gets like shot into through the sewers. Some sort of what's amazing is how happy Jesse sounds. Yeah, Jesse's like Jesse's like he's a savior. He's the state he's filled with what he's like. Somebody was just I didn't see the Chappelle special, but somebody was telling me there's something called the pimp stew.

Have you ever heard of this thing called a pimp bath? Yeah, I've watched the special he talks about. Basically, yeah, how you make you trick someone into you. Beat someone, yeah. And then you give them a bath after beating them because it confuses them. And they're like feel like you're their savior as you're like washing them off. It's yeah, yo, this yo, I'm here.

I just talked to Jesse. Oh, he did. He called. He called me and we spoke. He said he's going to be here in a half an hour. He's in West Hollywood, which is not where I live. And he's going to half an hour away. We talked, he sounds like everything's OK. I asked him if he's been injured.

You say he hasn't been and he's got my number and he's going to call when he gets here. Great, great, great. I'm so glad to hear that. Then if he is calling, then hopefully the other person has mentioned about it being being connected to someone else, they still couldn't tell me the name. So if Jesse's still going to be able to come, great. Maybe he got my message because I got a message when he came on. Let him know, are you heading to the next job or gave your account number?

But he didn't respond to me. I'm glad that he didn't call. That's great. Well, maybe maybe the both show up. Yeah, well, as long as at least one of them shows up and gets your service in, that's great. And I do want to sincerely apologize again for the delay and your patience while we've been on the phone. I just wanted to make sure at least that your needs were taken care of. If you have the direct number already for our tech support, if you need to make

any other calls, do I have you registered for my app? I don't think I have the number yet. No. I will give you the number. And if you have a smartphone that I would definitely recommend in the app. Do our app as well, because that's actually the quickest way to save time. You can check order status and pending appointments as well. Cool. The number that is you ready with a pen and paper?

Yes. One, eight, seven, seven, three, five, three, five, nine, seven, two. Mm hmm. And then the website, it's just ATT.com. Got it. My ATT app. Got it. The downloader app. OK.

All right. Once you register for that, then you can check your order status, check appointments, everything. Once your service starts, you can do other things as well. Cool. Have a barbecue. Can I invite ATT people to come to my barbecue? And look up barbecue information. Great. Thanks, Melissa.

All of that here. And now, did you have any other questions for me? Yeah. Well, I guess a couple. Do you do you like to barbecue at all? I don't actually do the barbecuing. I would in my Harry Popeal laboratory if I could barbecue in that. Oh, wow.

That my husband, he likes to barbecue. So yeah, stay away from all the smoke. My friend, my my my partner, Jorgensen has a question for you. Hello. Hi. Hey, I just want to know if you have any suggestion on how we can make ourselves feel better after having lost two days of our lives waiting for AT&T to come, because

we feel so sad now. I understand. And I sincerely apologize again for the frustration here that you that you both have experienced. I know that this is not the norm for AT&T being that I've been here 19 years. It's just not not a normal thing. It feels like I've been waiting for 19 years. Jorgensen.

No, and I apologize again. I've reviewed with Duncan the other things that we've done already on the account due to the delay, and it was due to the initial system errors that were there that we had to update, but it looks like that's all done. May I ask I'm sorry to cut you off. May I ask you a question? OK, thank you. Do you ever think that you might be a node in a super organism that has the

personality of a sociopath, Jorgensen? I'm not quite sure what you mean by that. What I mean is that you I'll explain to you. You as the end of you, I'll explain. No, let me explain. You as the individual, you are a wonderful being. You're a soul deserving of love. But the entirety of AT&T, somewhere in that massive network of employees,

humanity has been discarded and replaced with something so dark and malevolent that all it wants is to absorb the life force of those waiting for their T1 connection, a kind of massive vampiric force that is intertwining into the very depths of the souls of humanity. I can understand that. Jorgensen. The idea is that you are OK and your co-workers are OK, but together they form a kind of Voltron, the toy from the 80s, a kind of super organism that has no soul.

I think that we are complicit in that. Jorgensen, I'm sorry about that. He's a classics professor. He's I think what he's trying to say is that the question is, are we complicit all of us in the goings on of the super organism? I'm still not quite understanding that question. I guess if you think about

I understand that he is also upset about the delay and I understand that for both of you. And again, I can only apologize. I know that we took the different steps of certain compensations that we've reviewed already on what was done with the previous delays. Right now, since the technician is coming all by at Lake, if you do have any other concerns at all, then we're certainly here. You can you can give us a call or if you are whenever you're ready for other services where we can see what great value we can get from those services.

Because I'm sure you have others besides just the Internet, right? Other maybe television, home phones. Don't have those other items or areas where we can check. Wonderful. Thank you. It's Jorgensen again. I'm I'm actually, believe it or not, eager to work with AT&T and to connect every aspect of my life to AT&T.

But I have one final question for you, my dear, and thank you for your patience. If you will forgive me, I just had my left leg amputated. I was attacked by a dog two weeks ago and it became septic. My question is this and I know this is outside of your range, perhaps. But personally, can you offer some advice to me and my lover here? Some advice about how we can enjoy life more? Just something you do on a day to day basis to connect more with the joy of existence itself.

Yeah, I'm sorry, Jordan. That's something that I can't really discuss during this call, if I value my job. But if you have any other questions regarding your Ubers account or any other AT&T services, I would be happy to assist. Thank you. OK, I appreciate it. Thank you, Melissa. I'm going there. Melissa, thank you.

Thank you. I'm going to say. You're both very welcome. Again, totally my goal from the beginning was to provide you both with excellent customer service levels. I'm sorry. Hold on a moment. You're dropping bomb on my leg. Jill, I was soon as Jesse gets here, I'll take care of it. OK, thank you, Melissa.

Thank you so much again. Sorry about all the trouble. Sounds like he's in pain. I just wanted to ask you real quick, have I said anything to ensure that you were very satisfied with my overall service? You crushed it. He did a great job. Jorgensen is without, you know, he it's a it's a every day is a struggle at this point.

My bills. OK, I hear you. Give me my bills. Jesse, once Jesse gets here before thank you so much. Thank you, Melissa. You too. Have a good day. Have a good day.

Use the rotisserie. It's a good day. Good day for that. Thank you, Melissa. Yeah, thank you again. Good luck with that. OK, thank you so much. Good luck. Thank you very much. Oh, you're very welcome. Have a great day.

Thank you. Thank you, Melissa. Thanks, Jorgensen. That's much better. That's good. Thank you. Oh, you're very welcome. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you.

I'm sorry for my I'm in so much pain. It hurts so much pain. Is it is a construct? It isn't a construct. It hurts. Just please give me my bills. It's a construct. We've talked about this before. Why did you tell me to go in that yard?

Because we had to get the we had to get that ball back. Otherwise, you know, Mindy wasn't going to have that. I can't run anymore. Jorgensen. Did you still have questions? We're still connected. I know. I just want to know what you would do if you were if you weren't able to do the

things you loved, the pain, it haunts me. You can still read. I don't want to read. I want to run. I want to go in the woods again and walk and look at Jorgensen. Jorgi. Thank you, Melissa. I'm sorry, Jorgi, he's he's difficult at best.

No problem. Right. Well, good luck with that. Good luck with the weather. I know everything's going to work out great. We're doing fine here, for the most part. He gets in these things where he's like he's a classics professor.

He has his dissertation due. I feel like what happens is it exacerbates these things physically. Have you heard the book Healing Back Pain by Joseph Sarno? It's it's it's interesting as it talks about how it is from the love song of J. Alfred Blufrock, I grow old. I grow old. I shall wear my trousers rolled that you feel better. I have seen the mermaid singing each to each.

I do not think that they will sing for me. That's an illusion. You know, it's the class that's he's referencing this poet that he's a professor. He knows that it's a it's an alliteration. It's not like it's an illusion. It's not really not an illusion, like an eye, but an eye. It alludes to a moment in time and in the brain, not specifically, not a literal fact of mermaids or trousers.

But either way, yeah, I'm sorry, I was just trying to explain his behavior. Yeah, thank you. Thank you for helping us out. And can you send Alex our love as well? I'm sorry, I was Kyle. I always get those names confused if similar tones and similar internal tones.

Yes, if we could, you could make sure that Kyle has been thanked. And also, I don't know who we spoke with. So I named Genesis. I don't know if it's his real name or not, but it's a good name. Obviously, it's a great name to start the call with with a person named Genesis. So as the as the Bible says, cool, Paul has gone, but I did know I connected you to me.

And I did hope that Jeff, he did finally reach out to you. He did heading to your home today. Ask, ask, ask where we can send a card. OK, Jordan, ask where we can send a card to thank them. Yeah, is there a place? Is there an address we can send a card to to thank? Thank you, Melissa and Kyle and also Genesis. The back of your bill, there's a main address for anything mailing.

I don't actually know what the other representatives are in. OK, yeah, any correspondence or if you do get a call, hopefully you'll be able to leave a message of the comments as well. And that usually happens for a while, I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. I just want to send you a card and say that even though sometimes it feels as though happiness is always outside our grasp. It's the longing that is the grace.

Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a good point, actually. All right, I know you want to send in the main AT&T address for any correspondence. It's listed on the back of your bill. OK, what paper list, though, I believe. Then you'll just want to check if you check the through the my ATT app.

OK, you get version of your bill and it will still list all the same information because all the pages will show there. One more thing, one more thing. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. When I was a child, I held a dandelion. I held a dandelion and I blew it and the little drifting seeds made me think of the souls of all of us. I do need to go.

OK, sorry, Melissa. He just has for both of you this weekend and you enjoy the rest of your day. Likewise. Good luck with the rich history. OK, take care. Thank you. Bye, Melissa. Bye bye. Thank you so much. Bye bye.

Appreciate everything. Thank you again. My pleasure. Great. Thank you. I want to thank you as well. And in the words of in the words of Daniel Fanay, your thing. My thanks to you is a thousand stars burning bright. May it light the darkest of your.

This is Jordan's. Give me the phone. May it light the darkest of your nights and may it be a guide stone in your mind. I've talked to her. I know you want to share this information with me, but respectfully, unless there are other AT&T business, I would need a phone. OK, OK.

Bye, Melissa. You appreciate it. All right. Bye bye now. Bye. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Sorry. We don't. I didn't mean to say I think of the courage poem. A damsel with a dulcimer and a vision once I saw.

She was a fair Abyssinian maid and on her dulcimer, she played singing of Mount Iberra, could I revive within me that symphony and song to such a deep delight would win me that with music loud and long, I would build those domes and those sunny domes, those caves of ice, those ice, those wonders, those crickles, those crows. Thank you. Thank you, Melissa. Sorry, he just keeps taking over as he always does.

We'll let you go. OK, go for it. Go ahead. You got it. You're free to free to roam, free to roam. Free range. Wanda free, my dear, into the great green hills of your life. And since you're both staying on the line, is there something else that you're needing assistance with since you're not hanging up? I want to make sure your knees are covered.

Thank you. I need I need the assistance that you give yourself to find a lover that you truly connect with a life of meaning, but most importantly, that you love with all of your being. Planet cash. Because you don't know it can change on a dime. I was jogging in marathons and a dog chewed my leg. You asked for it.

And that's because of you, Duncan. That's because of you. I have nothing to do with that. You know that you told me to go in that yard. I asked you if you wanted to go in that yard. Hi, Melissa. Sorry about that. He he I my hands are tied.

I'm just asking, are you able to disconnect the line? I don't know what that means exactly, but I don't think of the phone. Are you able to hang up the phone? Oh, this phone, this is a cell phone. So it's just like a it's just an iPhone. We don't have we don't have a traditional handset. All option on the iPhone.

In call. Other terms, if you can press the in call option, if you're done with me, I would appreciate that. I'm just not familiar with I don't personally know about that feature. It's like a merge iPhone. Right. iPhone button that says in call or disconnect. However, you hang out the call on your previous calls when you talk on your iPhone.

I never do, actually. I'm always using it in the Bluetooth or I do the thing where it's the satellite device that is it's connected to it. So I never end up, I guess I didn't realize that. I don't I'm always just waiting for someone else. I think I don't I've never actually had to do that. Hang up the phone. Jorgensen, you don't know it.

You don't have no idea what I'm talking about. Let her go. I've done. I've said, Melissa, thank you so much. Like a dolphin and a net, you monster. Let her go. Melissa, thank you. Thank you so much.

Thank you. OK, bye bye. All right, bye bye. It's supposed to hang up now, right? It's best to hang up. I'm so sorry, Melissa. There's no hang up button. He is ruined my life.

I have and now he's trapped you on the phone. As he's trapped me in this chair, in pain, in sorrow, in bitterness, all because I loved him once and now I am doomed. This is a temporary this is a temporary state. You know, OK, have I disconnected here? I think I've done it. OK. I think it's disconnected.

You are a bastard. You kept her on the line for an hour. No, I didn't. You kept her on the line. I have not at all. That's not true at all. Look at you. I was on hold. Look what you've done to her.

The same you've done to me. I was on hold. I can't control. The same you do to all of your lovers. I was on. I had no control over that. I was on hold. I was waiting. We've been waiting here. You are waiting the last two days.

I was. Because I can't fucking walk anymore. You bastard. There's nothing to do with me and you know it. Hello. Is anyone here? I'm trying to make it. I'll call. I'm going to call. I'm going to call David and tell him what you told me.

Hello. Yes. Hello, David. Yes, this is still Melissa. Oh, I'm sorry. I was trying to call David, our friend David Jim. Oh, no, you haven't hung up from the line here. But what I'll do if you're OK with it, then I'll go ahead and drop the line. Is that OK?

I can't hang up. Wait a second. Let me just try calling David here. This this should this always does it when I do the new call. You will not call David. You will not tell him on me. Don't make your call because we've resolved everything. Yes, yes, that's true. I'm just trying to make a new call here and I can't seem to.

I just want to make a new call. OK, wait, wait a minute. Let me go ahead and release the line. You have ruined her. Hold on. I'm releasing now and I do thank you again for calling 18. Melissa, thank you so much. OK, you're very welcome. Bye bye. OK, here we go.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, my fucking god. It's going to have something to talk about for the next three weeks. Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow, what a journey we just went on. Here's the other thing is Jesse's still in here yet, man. I know, dude. I know. And he might not come.

It's like a but I think you know, that is that the call from Jesse. The fact that we captured that you have his number, too. I have Jesse's number. Ostensibly, it's maybe his number. Man, holy shit, you guys who are still here. Thank you for taking that journey with us. That what you what you've just listened to truly is just the climax of the last three days of my life dealing with AT&T.

And now, thanks to your patients and Johnny's help here, you're we're going to have a fucking T1 line. And theoretically, I'll finally be able to stream this motherfucker. And you also may be able to use that to purchase the latest cassette in the Starburns cassette series called Recorded for Quality Assurance from Johnny Pemberton, which features the greatest of customer service calls made by myself. You're a master. It's coming out in February.

Yeah, that was amazing. That was artful. You were that was just that's just, you know, it's like a little taste. And you're this tape is just a series of calls. Yeah, it's not like that so much, but it's it's a little more, a little more. Less is more comedic, I guess you could say it's also a little more condensed. That was I know. I mean, I what do you think I should edit this down or should I just give them

the whole fucking enchilada? I don't know. It depends on what you have. Maybe I should like put the whole the entirety up on Patreon if someone just wants to suffer and then I'll cut out the I don't know that. But there's something about the dreary, long, there is length to like really get across the horror of the thing. You know, I'll just thanks for you guys.

I'll I'll just put it in the intro. OK, the last part of this is an hour with a great ending, but a long build up. So people don't maybe can skip to the end or something. But it is people need to hear that because it's kind of like how often it's like putting a stethoscope into Satan's asshole. It's like hearing the rippling pulsation of the intestinal tract of Satan is what that is. It's like hearing the fucking mucusy, bubbling innards of the devil. Because it's so it's all it's all with that face, the face of, oh, hi, yes.

God, you know, we can't do that. We can't do that. We can't, you know, the bundled package. And if we wanted to re-bundle your package, then maybe we could send a signal to the end of what's really funny is when she said that that was the best. The invitation to do more stuff with AT&T is really funny. It's like it's it's like the like it's as though if you're of an it's like if a flu virus could call you and ask permission to continue to spread through your body.

Like, hey, you know, I'm down here making your stomach pretty fucked up. I was wondering, would you be cool with me getting into your lungs? You know, if you spend a little bit more money, it might be a little bit better. Yeah. Yeah. Let me just spread. Let me just spread into your mucus membranes. What do you think? Well, you know, if you let me do a little bit more, should give me a little bit more to work with, I might be able to give you a little bit more.

Yeah, that's crazy. Oh, you know what? Your problem might be because you're not giving us enough to work with. Wow. Maybe if you invested a bit more, are you serious about working with AT&T? Well, you know what? I think that we owe AT&T a big thank you for finally getting somebody out here after three days to get to the T1. I guess you guys, if you feel inclined to do it in a non-malicious, sweet way,

give them a call and thank them for getting a T1 line over here for the DTFH, because we're going to be able to stream video. Melissa. Yeah. Melissa. Kyle. Kyle. Genesis. Yeah. Give them a call. And I don't, by the way, don't do it. I don't want you guys, I want to thank them. Yeah. So just sit, call them and whoever you talk to, just thank Melissa.

Say, you just want to get a thank you. There's nothing more disruptive than kindness. Yeah. To thank Melissa. Kyle and Genesis for solving this problem that I've been going through for the last two days, sitting, I stink. I smell that. I really do. AT&T shut down because of they've been flooded with calls of praise. How cool would that be?

Yes. Yeah. Call and thank them. Shut them down. And don't do what we just did, which is like, don't accidentally leave them on the line for a long time because they can't hang up. Just call them and do a concise sweet thank you, but certainly don't keep them on the line and definitely don't, if you do keep them on the line, don't record your calls and don't record them and get it to me, even though it's completely legal.

It is legal to do because they're already recording you. But definitely don't do that, guys. Just call them and say thank you if you feel so inclined. Yeah. You definitely should not, you know, find a way to have a computer respond to intervals long enough to maintain a presence of the person on the line by continually asking AT&T tangential germane questions, using a special AI speaking program that you developed because you're saying that you can't speak.

So using this program to speak for you, don't do that. Don't do that because one thing's for sure. We don't want to waste their time. Yeah. Once we're sure, we definitely do not want you to call up AT&T and keep an operator on indefinitely, like mid-air refueling by using a special computer that has enough intelligence to respond at intervals with intelligent responses that keep it germane so as to essentially take a person to the level of possibly exhaustion or falling over to be replaced with another

human to a call that never ends because it's never breaching protocol that would terminate the call and don't do that. And definitely don't ask them about that mysterious date. Yeah. What was December 31st, 2036. Definitely do not circle that in your calendar as the last day that you have to live. That, you know, that's completely random date. That right there, man, that right there was worth the entire fucking day. Absolutely.

Finding out that that is the date that the fucking telecom computers think that that's a good website to buy December 31st, 2036.com. Oh, that shit's taken. If you buy that, they're like, why are you buying this? What interests have you in this date? What have you to say? There are so many days. Why does this day have any special power over any of the other days?

I just chose it random. Oh, you chose it random. You say, how is it that you arrived at such a number last day of the year of of our interval and sent it just that he's six. I would say forty or thirty five minutes make more sense. I'm just looking like December 31st, isn't it? Johnny, I'm excited as hell about your tape. I can't wait to listen to that.

Yeah. And thank you so much for helping me with that. You know, honestly, the thing you just did, I didn't have the energy to do it anymore. Like you can hear I'm losing my voice a little bit. Yeah. That's from being on the phone with them for five, not seven hours. Right. But me personally, five, the most insane thing. Thank you for you. You're basically like you're basically like someone who came into hell and escorted me out.

I really appreciate it. So what's it called? A search and rescue. You just you just saved me. And now we'll have that sweet T1 line, baby. Can't wait. You guys, Hade Krishna, Johnny, I love you. Thank you so much. Peace be to people on earth. That was Johnny Pemberton, everybody.

All the links you need to find Johnny, you're going to be at dunkintrustle.com, including the link to the new tape that he's releasing. A big thank you to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Remember, go to Casper.com, port slash family hour. He's offer code family hour. Get $50 towards select mattresses. Don't forget to subscribe to us over at patreon.com, port slash DTFH. Subscribe to us and God bless you all for hanging out with me during this

wild journey from Los Angeles to New York back to Los Angeles. You are my sweet friends and I will always be with you. Hade Krishna. See you soon. We've got a lot of great episodes coming up. Bert Kreischer, Natasha Legerro and Ricky Lindholm and Cole Marta. These are all coming your way. Until then, may your tachyon zing while you enjoy many flings. I love you.

Hade Krishna. It's Macy's friends and family. Get an extra 30 percent off great gifts for her just in time for Mother's Day when you use your coupon or Macy's card and take 15 percent off Beauty Essentials or shop specials she'll love while supplies last plus star rewards. Members earn on every purchase except gift card services and fees at Macy's. Sign up today at Macy's dot com slash star rewards. Savings off regular sale and clearance prices.

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