Duncan Trussell Family Hour - Laura Kightlinger

Episode Date: March 29, 2016

A groundbreaking episode with comedian, actor,  and author Laura Kightlinger (the minor accomplishments of Jackie Woodman, HBO comedy Special, quick shots of false hope) we talk about success and ghosts!     This episode brought to you by squarespace.com go to squarespace.com and use offercode duncan to get 10% off your first order

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I'm just going to put out the opening rants when there's opening rants to be ranted, but as an experiment, I just want to see what happens if I just put podcasts out minus some long rambly thing. I'm not going to do that anymore. I might do it again at some point. I always will reserve the right to go on a preachy, didactic, 15-minute ramble through nothingness if I feel like it, but I really am enjoying this. It frees me up because I'm super busy right now. Holy shit, the tour starts tomorrow. I'm packing right now. I have stuff scattered all over my house. I went to Target, bought a steamer, piles of socks, a variety of brand new shirts, underwears, haircuts have been had. I'm ready to go. I'm sure there's a million

things I'm going to forget. Inevitably, I'm still kind of procrastinating packing. Packing for a month on a bus, how do you do it? But then again, it's not like I'm going into the Amazon base and I'm just getting on a bus and driving through the country. I don't know why I'm treating this like I'm about to go into some underground bunker in the Arctic. Regardless, I'm feeling more excited about this than I've ever been excited about anything in my life. The You Are God comedy tour starts tomorrow. Actually, it starts on Wednesday. Of course, who knows when you're listening to this? You could be sitting in the ruins of some post-apocalyptic America right now and have just stumbled on some hard drive that happened to have

this podcast in it. You could have a festering, rotting foot and you were just looking through some dumpster, hoping desperately to find some antibiotics. Instead, you just found this goddamn podcast, yet another podcast. Maybe that's what the apocalypse looks like, just the entire country covered in a five foot thick swath of hard drives filled with podcasts. Maybe that's what happens. So many podcasts begin to be created that we're all just consumed by them. But if that's the case, I wish you well. I hope you find your antibiotic. The tour starts March 30th in Asheville and I'm going to do this again until the tour is over, friends. So forgive me. It's March 30th in Asheville. We'll just do it really quick. Starts March 30th in Asheville, Charleston, Durham, Richmond,

Baltimore, Washington, Philadelphia, Hampton, Boston, New York. First show sold out. We added a second show. Pittsburgh, Columbus, Cleveland, Ferndale, Toronto. First show sold out. We added a second show. Chicago, Madison, Minneapolis, Kansas City, St. Louis, Nashville, Vancouver, Seattle, Portland. I think we added a second show. San Francisco, we definitely added a second show. Los Angeles. And then I'm going to be a Maui for doing podcasts at the Ron Bous retreat. I'm excited about all of this stuff. I don't think excitement is the right word. I feel like every atom inside of me is pregnant with a tiny little joy baby that's about to go shooting out of its pussy into my bloodstream and hopefully through my mouth on stage when I do these shows. I can't

wait and I hope to see you there. This episode of the DTFH is brought to you by my sweet and glorious patrons at Squarespace.com who, and God forgive me for this, sponsored the tour I just mentioned, which by the way is officially titled the Squarespace Presents You Are God comedy tour. God bless you Squarespace for being my true glorious noble patrons. My father, my mother, my guardian angels out there on the internet. It's an honor for what a wonderful company you are in an internet filled with trashy, crappy, diarrhea style, lazy, puke websites created by charlatan web designers. Squarespace has emerged like a triumphant night exploding from a bloody wound in the side of an oceanic kraken that he just slayed by allowing it to devour him and then

slicing its entrails from the inside and burrowing out like some glory mole. That's Squarespace only they didn't burrow out of a kraken. They've emerged like a beautiful digital rose from the festering skin of the internet that's composed of so many shitty websites. If you've got a crappy website or are thinking about creating a website, if you've got a brand new business and don't feel like getting the infected fangs of some pseudo web designer stuck into your juggler vein, then you can go to Squarespace.com today. Use offer code Duncan and you will get 10% off a brand new beautiful website. You don't need to know how to code. You don't have to have any previous web design experience. That's what's cool about Squarespace. You can make a professional, beautiful, simple

website. All their websites have shopping carts, which means you can immediately start selling whatever the thing is that you want to sell. And God forgive me for saying this over and over again, but it always crosses my mind that I know someone who sells their socks online. Think about that. They sell their socks. Just the things that they wear on their feet every single day. They package these in some way and then they just sell them to people who enjoy smelling socks and they make money doing this. If someone can make money selling their socks online, then you should be able to make money selling whatever the thing is that you're creating, your art, the service you offer, whatever it may be. We live in the glory days friends because in the old days, if you wanted

to sell stuff, you had to build a brick and mortar store and risk being stabbed to death in the night by some kind of rampaging mob of young tufts and a gang whose initiation involves going into your smelly sock store and decapitating you and drinking your blood, but no more. For now, you can create a storefront on the internet and you can use squarespace.com to do it. Go to squarespace.com. Use offer code Duncan. You will get 10% off your first order and you can start building a beautiful website today. They've got great support, which I've tested out. If you have any questions about the process, you can always contact them through the internet and they will get back to you right away. I've tested it offer code Duncan 10% off. If you sign up for a year,

you will get your own domain name for free. It's pretty cool. These truly are my longest sponsors. And so I hope if you were even teetering on the idea of creating a website, you'll go try them out. You don't even need a credit card. You can go to squarespace.com. And just do a trial membership to make sure that the service works for you. Squarespace.com. Thank you, Squarespace. Oh, how I love thee. We're also brought to you by amazon.com. For those of you who have been living in some kind of frozen iceberg, for those of you who've been frozen and maybe the people who are listening to podcasts after having been cryogenically frozen, you might not be aware of the fact that there is a service on the internet called amazon.com. And

what this company has done is made it so that if you're going out into the world, it could either be to do whatever your job is or to go to some park, go to some national landmark or to drive to some swinger orgy and get covered in the explosions of jizz and love fluid erupting from the nipples and cocks and vaginas of all those attending rather than going to a chain store and being sprayed and exploded with a foul coughs and diarrhea particles that are stretched from one end to the other of all chain stores. I'll never forget the time I went into a toys rs. Maybe it was a best buy. Now I can't remember which. And I saw some infected toddler, a kid who looks like he was in the binding of Isaac, the video game. If you haven't played it, you should. It's very

addictive. Just an infected child, a maggot child, a thing that looks like a well organized hive of maggots was wearing the skin of a doughy pasty faced child. And I saw the child take a PlayStation controller and one of those demo PlayStation controllers and just cough all over, just hold it to its mouth and cough. There might have been little chunks of vomit and cheek flesh that had fallen off because of whatever pestulence that infected this monster's body. But it was as though the, the, it's not just that the kid was choking and puking on this controller. It was that there seemed to be some intentionality behind it. Like whatever disease was inside of it was controlling it as though the toxoplasmosis virus that infected the child's brain from eating cat turds out of

the cat litter box a few days before, it actually controlled the child and it was using it to spread itself through wherever the child went. And this is everywhere friends, everywhere you go. That's not a baby that you're looking at at the, at the grocery store. That is a, a combination of viruses and confusion swirling together in a harmonized cloud of pollution that is just covering the world with awfulness. And that is why Amazon is probably responsible for at least forestalling the inevitable point when a new form of flu emerges into the world and kills all of us, because they've kept us, at least many of us from co-mingling at stores when we don't need to be there. P.S. the horror, the horror of the capitalist system is, it is given the illusion of community

when in actuality all it is is a group of people gathered together to buy shit. You don't have to take part in that evil system anymore, oh comrades. You can go to amazon.com through our portal located at DuncanTrustle.com. It's in the comments section of every single one of our episodes. And you can buy the toilet paper that you are going to go to the store to buy. You can buy the paper towels. You can buy the windex. You can buy the cock rings, the butt plugs. They have a huge selection of sex toys, wonderful books. I see what you guys order. Any book that I mention on this podcast, I'm currently listening to the Archaic Revival by Terrence McKenna, can be obtained through Amazon in the form of a Kendall E. book, in the form of a Flop book, an Archaic caveman style made of

dead trees book, or even an audio book, which I prefer through Audible. You could even, if you want to really double up on this insanity, you could go to audible.com forward slash family hour, sign up for a trial membership, get a free audio book through Amazon. I don't even know what would happen if you did that, but the point is it's a great way to support the podcast. We get a small percentage of whatever it is you buy and it costs you nothing. We also have t-shirts. We also have posters. We also have mugs and a variety of other things. All the ticket links to the Squarespace presents. You are God comedy tour are located at Duncan trussell.com. Wow. This is nuts. We did it. The thing that normally takes me days to do. I think I just did it in 10 or 11 minutes. A true

miracle. And today's guest is a true superstar. Laura Kytlinger has been on her own IFC series, which she created and starred in called the minor accomplishments of Jackie Woodman. She's had a multitude of comedy specials, including a comedy central special and an HBO comedy special. She's written a book called quick shots of false hope. You've probably seen her on tenacious D and if you want to go see her live, then you should go check her out at the Arlington draft house at Washington in Washington DC on April 21st through April 23rd. You can follow her on Twitter at King Kytlinger or visit her website at Laura Kytlinger.com or you could even do both. Either way, everyone out there, please rip open your chests and allow the sweet spring of infinite transcendent

metaphysical love to go exploding out of your heart chakra like a rainbow blasted from the unenipple of some supreme being existing in a dimension where there is no sorrow and let that stuff spray into the astral plane and entwine Laura Kytlinger so that for the next many months, she feels completely embraced by a hundred thousand strangers in the various realms of the internet. Everyone now please welcome to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast my dear friend, comedian, author, and all around genius, Laura Kytlinger. It's the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast. Laura. Yes, dear. Welcome to the Dunkin Trussell Family Hour podcast. Thank you so much for coming on the show. I'm thrilled to be here and I'm

impressed as hell with you because you have your there's a Dunkin Trussell Family Hour cup right in front of you that's been here for God knows how long. There's a long time. A long time. And it's okay. I got mugs. That's where that's where I'm at. This is that's making it. That is you know, that is something I want you to know that you can make. I don't have mugs. You can make them. They're not that hard. I've got a place you just send the mug design and they'll send you a fresh mug. Well, I'm impressed. I was just I was telling this friend of mine about oh, I just okay, skip. And now I've got nowhere to go. I was I was thinking about like what I think is making it and I realized I was about to do a bit. I don't want to that's great because I was gonna

ask you what is your ultimate definition? That's so funny. I was about to say in your mind because we have this idea of making it right. It's an everyone has it in their head. Some version of ultimate success. What is your version of ultimate success? Well, the bar has gotten so low for me. It's underground. So my my my version of success would be to be able to give a store clerk a $100 bill, not have them look at it, hold it up to the light, look at it, call the manager over, and then have the manager, you know, ask me to leave for soliciting a minor. There's my bit. No. Let me see. What is what would be the ultimate ultimate success? I think just, you know, now like having I just having friends that are really famous and rich,

I would just like to not feel embarrassed around them, I guess. No, that's not how how do you feel embarrassed around them? No, I feel embarrassed like and the god my friend Nancy Shane said something that I will never forget. I mean, it is the best advice ever that no one is thinking about you as much as you are. That's for sure. Because I think, oh, I bet they feel sorry for me. I, you know, I had a show. I don't now I don't have a show had this, you know, now, you know, and nothing's really going on. But the truth is, especially in the green room, everyone's thinking about themselves and their set and, you know, who gives a damn, but I is not funny, though, when you realize that there is this funny thing when you're doing comedy,

and sometimes I'll catch my mind doing it, where like, I will want comedians to like my set and I will want them to say something kind to me about my show. And it's all ridiculous because when I consider how much am I paying attention to other comedians, especially in the climate of a comedy club when I'm about to go on stage, my adrenal glands are pumping and like, all I'm thinking about is this thing I got to do. It's zero. I'm just thinking about this thing I got to do, you know. So that is a funny thing that we want. Yeah. Or a specific thing you want. I mean, the ultimate version of let's imagine the ultimate Twilight Zone. But you know, I was just going to say, just to comment on that, what I think is funny is like, I have, and you've probably done

this too, when someone comes off stage and they walk by you, it's a comic or it's a friend or somebody you don't even know that well and you think they don't feel that good about what they did on stage, you say, oh, that was a good set, right? To make them feel better. Yeah. Even though maybe it wasn't, and you're just kind of just saying something because they're, you feel like you should. It's a nice thing to do. Yeah. But then I feel like if somebody says that to me, I believe it. You know, like I don't think that they're just saying it because they kind of think it wasn't that great and wanted to make a change. But they didn't even watch. Yeah. They're just saying it as a form of high. Yeah. So it's kind of like, but the funny thing is we can't use that metric,

you know, the metric of the, even if the audience liking you, the comics liking you, none of it matters. Right. It's the only thing that matters is, did you like it? And if you didn't like it, it sucked. Period. That's got to be the only metric. Right. Like I've been shooting. I'm like shooting archery right now. And it's fun. And it's like, it's a great metaphor. It teaches you all this stuff. But, you know, I was reading about how some people like how to train for it and get better at it. And one person was like, you know, I don't care sometimes whether or not I even hit the target. But if my form is correct, that's all that matters to me. If I'm keeping a consistent form, that's more important than hitting the target. And I think on stage, it's kind of the

same thing. It's when you, when you're up there, are you working on new jokes? Yeah. Are you expanding jokes that you have been doing for a while? Or are you just up there doing the exact same fucking thing? And if you that's, if you're doing the third thing, which I'm guilty of a bunch, then what's the point? Oh, I can't. Oh, I agree. I can't even, I was trying to prepare, you know, for an hour to do an hour and just going, just doing what I've been collecting, just doing the same kind of material that to build that hour of what I think it is. And, you know, inviting people out to see it. I feel it was so tedious. Now I've done it so many fucking times. I'm like, oh my God, I can't, you know, so I always, I always try to have a few new things just for myself because

I can't stand it. You have to. Yeah. When I go, if you go to the club, you need at least wear a show. You got to have one thing just for yourself. Even it's going to suck. How do you write? How do you, what's your writing process look like when you're in the midst of preparing an hour? What do you, how much time do you have like a specific time that you sit down and work on jokes? How does it work for you? I do everything at the absolute last minute. So usually hours before, or sometimes if I, I try to do a few sets and then, you know, tape and then write to, you know, just write that, you know, try to remember what worked, you know, but I find it also hard to listen to myself. So I'll just ask my boyfriend if he taped it and

what did he think was good. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. But I, you know, what we were talking about earlier, I wanted to bring up is one of the most humiliating things I think in all of life is, or writing a bio or writing, you know, a resume. Like just having that, I mean, I've spent a lot of time on that just recently because just for doing that, I'm good about to do this, the Halifax Comedy Festival. Right. And just writing down, you know, like a list of bullshit and you're trying to make it sound, you know, sound like it's, you know, I sound like what sound funny or sound interesting. Yeah. Sound interesting. Yeah. And I was laughing, it's just, you know, like reading over some of my old bio, like a true original, you know, and a triple threat, you know, all that

shit. A triple threat. Yeah. And that's, I had my friend Jeremy Kramer help me write my last one and he, and I said, let's have it really cheesy, like a triple threat. And he said, but, you know, Laura's proved herself to be an Amber alert in the bullshit, because it's all just bullshit. You know, you're just like trying to, it's bullshit. Yeah. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter what you've done. It doesn't matter if you went to Galilee, raise the dead. It doesn't matter if at some point in your life you levitated, if you've time traveled, if you've gone to the moon, if you're a comedian, none of that shit matters. And all that matters is when you're on stage and are you, are you, what's happening while you're up there. I think that's one of the

glorious things about it. Because when a comedian's performing, no one's looking at their bio being like, oh, oh, wow. I mean, God, look at this amazing biography. God, they're amazing. They're so funny. No one cares. And you know, sometimes if I read the bio of a younger comic, I remember thinking, oh, I remember, I know, like trying to stuff it with, you know, every little thing, you know, to stand up at this club and that, you know, New York, all these clubs and just how much it meant then. And then you realize, oh, but everybody does this crap. And it's, no one cares. No, I don't think, I could be completely wrong here, but when a person's going to see a comedy show, they're not spending any time on the bios of the performers.

I know, that's just, it's such an antiquated, it's almost like a play bill for, you know, for a play nobody gives a shit about. And I've always wanted to just say, oh, I, you know, I recently, the past few years, I've been just throwing shit against the wall, hoping to sell something. Can I just use that as a bio? That's it. Yeah, that should be your bio. Just that. Because no one gives a fuck about triple threat, multi hyphenate. No one gives a shit. No one out there cares about any of that. I mean, God, think of like, does anyone, what's the, no one looks at like the bio of Led Zeppelin. When, like no one's looking at the bio of any other, like, when you're going to look at like Andy Warhol or you're going to look at Picasso or some famous

artist or not. Like, can I see their bio? I just want to take a real look at what they've done before this painting. Yeah, you're just looking at the thing itself. And it's just, and it's also, I mean, it comes from having a resume, right? Is anybody going to actually look and said, oh, I see you were at the punchline in San Francisco. Interesting. Did you? Yeah. What was your opener at the punchline? What did you open with then? Oh, I'm really interested. This is the corruption of the entertainment industry mixing in with art, I think, because this is what happens with, because it's like some manager or some agent at some point was like, we've got to have a good bio and we've got to appeal to business people. Because when you're

doing like this style of entertainment or if you're doing anything that involves trying to sell a show or there is this group of people who have to like sell you like some kind of stock or some form of, some form of capital that there is some trade. It's really weird, isn't it? So they're the ones who come up with the language like triple threat, all of that shit. But that's a whole culture, isn't it? There's a whole culture of that out there. You know, I was drinking with his friend of mine, and I don't want to, I can't actually, I'm not even sure who it was, but I don't know who I drink with, but he had said something that I thought was pretty funny. It's kind of a kind of letting yourself off the hook. He said, well, you know, I know I'm going to be like Van Gogh, I won't be

appreciated until I'm dead. And I thought, wow, that must make it a little bit easier for you. But, you know, I can't actually even picture that going down. It's like, oh, yeah, like you're, you'll, there'll be this exhibit and your set list will be on the wall and somebody will be listening to you go, Oh God, yeah, the Passover joke about his girlfriend's dog biting his balls under the Passover table and you know, like that don't, how could you even put yourself on that level? That is ridiculous. Yeah, that is the most. I'll tell you later who said it. Oh my God, I'll be appreciated after I'm dead. Yeah, like Van Gogh. Get down. Like that even matters. I know. I mean, there's a whole, what is the, God damn it. I keep forgetting this guy's name is Stoicism.

It's a form, it's a philosophy called Stoicism. And there's a great book called it's Marcus Aurelius who wrote a book called Meditations, which is a book he wrote for upcoming emperors for people are going to be an emperor. And so it's all this like, amazing philosophy and his in all of it is, it's really cool. But a lot of it is like this whole thing of like leaving a mark after you're gone. Don't do, don't think about that. For what? For what? For whom? What does it matter? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There's nothing that happens after you're gone. Who the fuck cares? Yeah, nobody cares. It doesn't matter at all to me. I wish we could talk more, just you and me as friends, because I think you're so interesting and whatever.

This is why I love podcasts. I know. Just to wrap up the Marcus Aurelius thing. Not only does it not matter what happens after you die, really like thinking about what's going to happen outside of this present moment. You know, that's what causes so much, so many problems. You know, it's like planning, thinking what you're going to do. It's like, when if you're, God Jesus, you're worried about thinking about what's going to happen after you die. The odds are you're like, completely not here at all. You're not in the moment. You're already dead. You're just focusing on something after the, after your body stops working. You know, one of the, and I can't remember which one, which book it was, but in one of the,

I think maybe it's just called Hollywood, one of the Bukowski books about how he said, why do I have to do anything? Why does everybody say, let's go do something? I just don't, you know, I mean, in a very simple way of that's like, that's what ruin can ruin a day about saying, okay, I've got to do these things. I have to do this. People expect you to do this. And he said, why can't I just enjoy being in my hot tub with my cats? That's what I'm going to do today. Yes. Oh God, he's the best. That guy had the best, like it's on YouTube. And he had this, like he's like, sometimes you just need to go lay in bed for three days straight. And I find that to be such fantastic advice. Isn't he great? Oh, amazing. And there was, you know, there was one, just one

of his books that was illustrated by Arkham. I remember laughing like mad. And it was just this illustration. And it was of a Bukowski, like, you know, putting one shoe on. And then, and, and the, he just said, okay, now what? It's just like, I don't know, it's just, it's the best. I know. He's like our, he's some kind of like Zen master or something. And, and so it's so nice to have somebody who relieves you of those stupid burdens you put on yourself, somebody who like spiritualizes. I don't even want to say what he did was like slacking because he was a hard fucking worker. He wrote a lot. He would drink and write and he was like a kind of a workaholic in a lot of ways. But anytime someone gives you a break at the level he does, which is like,

it's just these fucking assholes, man, the doers, the people who are like, you've got the goals and the thing and they're doing, they're always up to something and they're, God, it's so gross. Do you ever, you don't ever get on yourself like, oh, I didn't write today or, oh, I sure do. But then the best writing happens spontaneously. The best podcasts come spontaneously. It's not from planning. It's not from like, Oh, shit, I've got to schedule these podcasts. It's like, someone will call or like, you know, someone will email or someone, it just will come out of the blue and suddenly you're recording the podcast and it happened organically. I just prefer that. The other side of life is fine too. I've just, it's never been, I've never been able to,

man, be that kind of do or you get around those fucking organized sons of bitches though. Wow. I know when a person, I write every day from, you know, 10 to four and then, and then I, as soon as they say that, I think to myself, do I like their writing? Are they funny? Are there, do I, have I ever read anything? I mean, I don't know. I instinctively think, Oh, so they're, they have a real kind of a technical way of writing. And so, you know, or maybe they're kind of a type A personality and that's why, you know, they're able to do that. But then I think, Oh, that isn't something I would probably want to read. Right. Yeah. I mean, exactly here or whatever. You know, Stephen King, I guess is the ultimate example of successfully

doing that. I don't know if you like his writing. I do. I think he's probably the greatest writer of our century, the last century. God, he's great, but he's got a serious work ethic. Like he sits down and hammers out pages, like at least four hours a day. It's some beautiful big desk that he has, but I didn't know that. Yeah. Oh man. He's like, you know, the, did you ever read the dark tower series? No. Oh, please do. It's so good. The shining is one of my favorite movies. I was surprised that he had an interview that he didn't, he didn't like how it turned out. Yeah. I didn't read the book though, but I love the movie. You're going to love the book. I should just read the book. He didn't like it because it wasn't supernatural. And oh, really? Yeah,

it wasn't supernatural at the level that his book is without spoiling it. And like, there's some famous phone conversation where Kubrick calls Stephen King and says to him, what's scarier, uh, going crazy or a ghost? What do you think scarier that because at the moment we've got ghosts, it implies there's life after death. The moment there's life after death, there's some relief to the gnawing anxiety of being a human being. Isn't it scarier the idea that you can just lose your fucking mind? Brilliant. Brilliant. My God. That's fucking it. Wow. I didn't know that. That's amazing. Yeah. Cause anytime there's like ghosts, like anytime you're watching a horror movie where people are getting killed by ghosts, it's always like, well, there's

life after death. So the ghosts are kind of doing them a favor. If you look at it that way, one of my pet peeves is the paranormal shows. Like, Oh, did you hear that? Oh my God. Did you see that? Who just got cold? You know, it's like all the same shit all the time. I met this guy, Aaron, from there's, he's on this show called ghost encounters. And he was at the comedy store and I got in a conversation with him and I hadn't seen his show until after I met him, which is cool. Cause I didn't have to be nervous or feel weird or whatever, because I wasn't aware that shows a big hit. Is it really? Yeah. Lots of people love it. Ghost encounters? I think it's called ghost encounters. And he was a, he's a sweetheart,

man. But I'm talking to him out there and I'm like, how much of it's fake, man? Come on. A lot of it's fake. You guys aren't encountering ghosts, right? There's no way. And you know, I'm, I don't think I'm the worst judge of when people are bullshitting me. He's like, it's real. He's like, there's shit out there, man. We've seen crazy shit. It really happens. Some of these places are actually fucking haunted. He's like, this stuff's, there's stuff that happens. It's real. The meter and all that thing. Like, I mean, that whatever that equipment is, I was just thinking like that. Can you buy it? Can I buy a ghost meter? Yes. I mean, that is such bullshit. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I, I, you ever seen a ghost? No, but I do. I mean, I would love to.

I would just love to see a ghost. I would really love that. I think I honest to God would. I would love to. Did I tell you, I love horror films. I love all that. I would, you know, did I tell you my ghost dream? No, my ghost encounter. No, no, no. Sorry guys. I'm going to repeat it really quickly though. I was in New Orleans, which is the best fucking place for something like that. Haunted fucking city. Yeah. And I was, I had a dream. And in the dream, I'm in the Arctic. A body falls out of the sky in a body bag. I unzip the body bag. There's a suicide note in the body bag that this person has like put in the body bag. And the suicide note is written about my girlfriend. And the guy's like, now you'll know, I really love you. And, and the corpse

in the body bag after I'm reading the suicide note and getting really pissed because it's like, don't hit him, my girlfriend with a fucking suicide note. You asshole. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm getting jealous. He comes to life, wakes up, seems like kind of like out of it. And I like, escort him out of an Arctic. You know, it's a dream. Like there's like a, you know, the Arctic apparently like meets a city street or something that you can kick him out of. And then later in the dream, I go to his, he works at a record store and I go there and I use the, I use like a, what do you call it? This thing on a beat on a can, like the top of a can tab, a tab to cut his face up in our records or so. There's a crazy dream. It was crazy enough that

when I woke up, I wrote it down, which I rarely do. So that too, like we're talking to a bartender at the top of our hotel, the Omni in New Orleans, a great hotel. And the bartender's like, um, or like, it's like, you want to hear the ghost story that, uh, well, they don't want us to talk about. Yeah. I'm like, yeah. And she's like, well, yeah, a guy in Katrina, um, hacked up his girlfriend down the street and then came here and committed suicide, jumped off the building with a suicide note. Whoa. I remember seeing that. I remember watching that on something about that. Yeah, man. I didn't know that I was not aware. There's nothing in my brain. I had that fucking dream. So to me, that was, that's my ghost encounter. That's, yeah, that is really incredible. I now, do you ever,

I mean, do you, um, I had an amazing psychiatrist who, you know, had a degree in everything and, and would ask me, you know, because she studied union theory and asked me to tell her to write down my dreams. And I had this dream that I thought was so obvious. I mean, this isn't about ghost, but I was at a party standing next to a refrigerator in a kitchen, you know, in a kitchen, just standing next to her and talking. And I reached down and pull a dead twig out of my belly button and I keep pulling it out. And I said, that has to be, oh, uh, you know, you will never reproduce. And I said, what does it mean? I mean, which is, which is fine. I would never want to. And she said, no, it, it actually, it can mean a new beginning. And I thought, oh, okay, you know,

that's really crazy. And have you ever, you know, this one with my, this I'm crazy about my psychiatrist. I think she's amazing. But sometimes because you're a comedian, if you've been in a situation where someone will laugh and you're, you know, not being fun, you know, when you're trying to tell them something. And she, I wanted to talk about this instance where I thought was funny because I don't try to, I'm not so desperate that I need to make my psychiatrist laugh. You know, I actually am trying to learn some things, you know. And so I, I told her about this dream I had, which is really vulgar and horrible. I was running, like trying to escape this place. And there was another person who was a few feet away from me also running. And then I got to this kind

of this clearing in this field. And the other person who of course has no face says, wait a minute, you know, watch out, watch out, watch out. And so I said, okay, and then I kind of duck down in the woods. And I see like on this huge platform, like this, it's almost like a metal truck bed that's gigantic. All of these kind of naked people squatting down. And someone is going through with hook and ripping off their backs. And there's another thing like a, like a half animal, half person ripping, taking out their guts. Jesus. And then, and she said, so then my psychiatrist said, does that bother you? And I said, no. And then she started laughing. And I was like, why is that funny? And she said, well, you know, it might bother some people. And I was like, Oh, well, no,

it's not a reoccurring thing. I just, I just am just saying, you know, well, what does that mean? Yeah, you know, and she's, you know, that didn't bother me because I just think God, you know, it's a lot of times I like, I'll wake up and think, God, that would be a great scene in a horror film or something. But I don't think, I don't think anything would bother me in my dreams unless they kept unless I can't be the same. Yeah, it's not real. It's not like you're like, God, what is what is what happened in my brain? Yeah, does your when you do when you tell your psychiatrist these dreams, she instantly analyzes them like that, she can just tell you, here's what it generally means. Like in Jungian psychology, is it is it already broken down what these symbols

tend to mean? Yes. Huh, I think she's brilliant. I love that sort of thing. I mean, and, and then, and then I think also, what sort of what were her parents like, that she gets paid to listen to other people's dreams, right, that she would actually do put herself through that. It's, I mean, it is an intense thing. Jung was fascinating. He believed in synchronicity and he had some kind of belief. And I don't know, I don't want to say like the paranormal, but I kind of think it, he, his experience with being around so many people and studying it was, it seemed to point in the direction of something greater. Right. Have you ever seen his red book before? No. It's like this, he says he had a kind of nervous breakdown or something. It's a, it's an alchemical text with,

it's like a grimoire that he created with all this amazing art in it that he drew, which I don't even know what a grimoire is. A grimoire is like a magic book, you could say. It's like a, it's like a, yeah, like the, I think it's called the lesser key of Solomon as an example of one, but these are all these texts that have within them the magic formula that you could use to whatever it is that you want to do. A lot of times like summoning various entities, demons, spirits, Satan himself and some of them like directions to actually summon Lucifer and they're really cool. They're really fucking cool. They, they have in it this very. So is that sort of like spells? It's not like a, a witch thing or it could, you know, it could be. I always think, you know, when they,

they're actually, you know, a lot of, um, and especially in New Orleans that, you know, you can see, you know, a voodoo priestess and all this. And, and I think when there's such a thing of, there's voodoo and who, you know, well, you don't just, you know, people don't cast spells, you know, you know, just for evil. And I think, yes, they do. I mean, I mean, if they do and if they have that power, I've never heard somebody say, okay, let's put a good spell on this person. Oh, wow, man. It happens. Yeah, they, yeah, it happens. You think people would say, okay, I'm going to, I want to put a good spell on. For sure. Oh, really? You don't think it's, okay. We call it a blessing. Right. Oh, that's interesting. Blessing is a spell. I mean, any, any, any Catholic, any

religious mass, prayers, a spell, you're invoking an entity. It's all the same. It's all just magic. Every single aspect. For some reason, like religion somehow doesn't fall under the category of magic, even though it obviously is magic. It's a magic ritual. Anytime you go to church on a Sunday, you're engaged in a long form magical ritual. Right. It's no different. But just for some reason, because it's the accepted, you know, because enough people practice it, then it stops being magic and turns into religion. And then why, you know, and two, you can't, for whatever reason, I mean, I think it's a, you know, a cult, but you can't call it a cult religion. Religions, you can't call them cults. Really? Even though that, if you look at the etymology of cult,

it, it's the, that it's a, it means like spirit. It's the devotion to a spirit. So cult, religion, magic, all the same thing, which is people like to do these rituals to try to create change in the universe. And it's awesome. You got to try. Have you ever tried, have you ever cast a spell before you ever tried a magical spell? No, no. Oh, it's a blast. You got to do it. You've never gotten really stoned and tried to do magic before? No. Oh, it's fun. Oh, it's so fun. It's so theatrical. Like that's one of the great things about magic is it's theatrical. You're acting out this. Do you actually get ingredients and things or, I mean, do depends on what the thing is you want to do, you know, like there's God, I did it once, man. You can, so you can get the, so there's like

they believe in these angels, right? Now, listen, what's really cool, I think what people, people miss out on a lot of stuff. Can I tell people, by the way, that you have a swastika on your forehead as we're talking about this and you look so much like Manson that I'm sort of, I mean, I've always believed in you, but even more so now. Thank God. Okay. That's good. Yeah. You have nothing to fear. No one has anything to fear. Okay. The problem with like skepticism when it comes to religion and magic is you, it's like you end up missing out on a lots of fun because obviously. Oh, well, I think it's fear. I mean, I don't feel skeptical about, I mean, that's, I would love to see a ghost. I would love to cast a spell. I'm, and I,

I'm not even afraid of like Ouija board things. I've never done that. I mean, I think I did it once a long time ago with my cousin, but, but yeah, I, I, I think it's more fear than skepticism on some people. Or are you saying that about me? No, I don't know. That I'm skeptical about. Oh, no, no, no. Some fear, people are afraid too. Yeah. Well, that's even more fun. God, you're lucky if you're afraid because then you'll really make contact. But if you're, but you know, you basically, there's all these symbols that represent varying entities, depending on what the thing is, you're trying to summon up. Usually you need to know the directions because there's different entities assigned to various to like North, South, East

and West, and then facing each of the directions. You can kind of intone, you know, there's all kinds of things. I can grab it. I have the one of Crowley's Lieber four is what it's called, which is fantastic. Have you ever seen any like real magic before? No, hold on. I'll go grab it. We'll read a little bit of it. You'll love it. See, we need fun things to do when we're stoned, right? When you're stoned, what are you going to do? And one great thing to do when you're super stoned is to practice magic. And it's all over the internet, all the different things. But we'll just I'm open up to a random page here in Lieber four. Here is what is this? What do we got here? What does Lieber mean? Book. It just means book in German. It's a fancy way to say

book. It's in German. I guess that's German. Yeah, Lieber four. I didn't even get it. Okay. So let's find something good here. There's so this has got some pretty good. Some some pretty good. Oh, here's a good one here. So look, these various rituals. Here's a really simple one. This is one that a lot of people do prior to doing other rituals. And this is called the lesser ritual of the pentagram. So in this ritual, you go it says touching the forehead, say octay, octay, and you can see on the internet people doing this and the way they the way they do it is they get really serious when I say they go. How do you spell that? A T E H I'm probably mispronouncing it by the way. I don't I'm not a

this is if you're a Thelomite, this is the religion of Theloma touching the breast say touching the right shoulder say touching the oh that's the wrong shoulder touching the left shoulder say yes clasping the hands upon the breast say say turning to the east make a pentagram that of earth with a proper weapon usually the wand you can use your your just your finger say I think it's it's I H V H turning to the south but the same say

I need turning to the west say I he turning the north say agla extending the arms in the form of a cross say before me Raphael behind me Gabriel like this yeah to straight out is the form of a cross that's it on my right hand Michael on my left hand ariel for about me flames the pentagram and in the column stands the sixth raid star and so that's the lesser ritual of pinningham now look is this real hell no or is it not real hell no it's just theatrics and it's lots of fun to do highly recommended it's such a blast and much more fun than sitting in church for you know however long you might on a sunday oh yeah I mean exactly yeah way more fun you just get hot like whenever I was doing I don't do anymore but when I was

doing it one thing I would always do is get super stoned you get really high really high and if you do it right you won't remember doing it like okay and did you actually cast a spell after that well I never that one the lesser banishing ritual the pentagram I never did that but there have been times when I've dabbled in like actual sort of like manifestation rituals and things like that and it with some success with some surprising success the how so like what did you the thing is you can go into so you go to the magical state so what's the magical state the magical state is with how every kid is constantly living every single day which is that you allow yourself to start drawing connections where there are none so the the skeptic says remember we remember

the hits is what they say so whenever there's a coincidence that happens like God I was just thinking about Jack and Jack called how could that fucking possible be possible a skeptic says your mind is constantly processing and you're thinking about shit all the time that you don't remember thinking about so it just so happens sometimes the thing that you're thinking about coincides with something in the in the world and you act like there's a connection there isn't one that's what a skeptic says we remember the hits so getting into a magical state of consciousness is intentionally allowing yourself to fall into the fantasy that there are all these synchronicities happening around you at all times and in fact the entire universe is alive and

trying to teach you in every single moment and so when we go into the magical state how do you see that like in your mind's eye how do you see what do you what do you imagine when well like I just see purple I see like purple lights there you go that's it is that what you I mean whatever no oh really that's it well no that would be it so it's not like there's a right way to do it right so right away your mind you're seeing purple light everywhere so now in that state of consciousness inundated with a great purple light of truth allow the purple light to move through my body to inundate you could start doing your own rituals you know I take the purple light into my heart I move the purple light through my body down to the atomic to the subatomic to the deepest core of

myself so that the purple light is purifying tuning focusing and bringing me closer to a state of pure and true realization and then so you start like do you know and you do it in a kind of like you change your if you're if you want to see you can like change you can dignify what you're saying make it like you know wizardy you know like and now in this moment I call upon the great light that comes from the beginning of time 13.7 billion years ago I have come to the altar of the light whatever it is right right you make it up and then through that creative exercise you might be surprised what happens because really all that matters is are there results let's see if there's a result from this this is empiricism so you're like I'm going to do this completely ridiculous

thing I'm going to like put on a special outfit in in vibe some psychedelic throw myself into a magical state in tone and invocation to the potential greater truth of the universe and this thing that I want will come to me whatever it is I'm going to say I'm going to ask for something and then I'm going to see if anything comes and so then you make note of it and if something comes you got to admit it right oh agreed I will yeah that totally makes that out so like people so that's the that's right that's my version of magic everyone has different versions of it's totally free it's a freewheeling creative super state that you put yourself into where you allow yourself to succumb to every single possible delusion that you feel like having

with the intention of creating a change in your external universe using means outside of what you normally use to make changes even though that's considered magic too Crowley said anything that you do to cause a change in your universe is a ritual and it's magic whether it's putting money in the bank or cooking a fucking grilled cheese sandwich it's all magic when you're cooking your grilled cheese sandwich it's alchemy you're creating chemical conversions and you're transmuting the cheese you're shifting the vibrational frequency of the bread you know it really is magic well I think I think the real I mean it to to you know indulge yourself and and have that you know kind of meditative feeling and that good feeling um or just to let your imagination go wild I I think

that what I would think would be the seeing it happen would be have somebody else think that way or to be able to with your thoughts make someone else uh either think of you the way you're thinking of yourself or or bring something to you that you're thinking of yeah or but that might be more of like of an evil spell or something or like do you know what I mean well the intention mind is like are you trying to hurt someone which you you you know that's that's where it's and why is it evil well it's evil because the the the according to many people and I do believe it this is why like I have friends who like shoplift or or like not really shoplift like if a grocery clerk forgets to like charge them for something they'll just keep it like well their mistake it's

mine and there's a theory which is like anything you put out in the universe magnified by some amount you can pick seven ten six whatever but there's a magnification echo chamber effect in this universe so what it means is if you walk out of a store and you didn't pay three dollars for the toothbrush that some someone forgot to charge you for you will end up paying twenty one dollars down the line for some other fucking thing that's going to be a very like instant karma as they say whatever it is not so Winston it's going to be expensive fucking toothbrush so it's better to go back in and pay the money for the toothbrush then then the universe to charge you twenty one bucks or whatever because we the way it's working here is shits getting magnified for some reason it's

not reducing it's magnifying so that means that if you do a curse and I remember man I've had like yeah like Satanists not Lucian Greaves or I just interviewed but like real state real magic practicing satanic witches tell me don't ever curse never do it not worth it it's just the worst thing that you don't put a curse on anyone never curse never oh they call it curse this they call it just don't curse like that's wearing but don't curse yeah it comes back times seven so I would imagine whatever you do to somebody like that you're gonna get it way way way way way way way way worse oh of course don't fuck with it it's way but on the other hand if you blast someone if you start putting good energy out whether it's in the form of giving them money giving them praise

giving them your attention it'll come back to you in the exact using the same system well I believe that in on a very simple level of like even like you know you have friends that really love to gossip love to you know you know stir the shit whatever and even and I realized like hearing things you know like even if even if you go wow well that's really you know that's juicy news saying it saying something or repeating it is a shitty feeling that's right people don't even realize it I don't think yeah because that's what we do out here all the time like somebody did this and they got this show or did that and then when you repeat that negative thing it kind of sits with you too whether you even think you know it is or not and I this friend of mine I said you know what I want

to do we have to like try and see if we can go you know a day two days without talking you know shit about anybody just being not being negative about anyone else just try and do it yeah and that was fun because my friend said he didn't want to even try well yeah it's boring he said he can't he didn't even want to try it was fun it's fucking boring but that is that's considered cursing too shit talking is considered cursing I didn't know that yeah that's the one form of cursing so like if you want to like it's just when people are shit talking they don't understand what they're doing usually it's a some kind of fucking habit that they're there if they're doing it or yeah a way to get attention kind of like the hey I've got that you know yeah scoop on something

yeah whenever I'm doing it it's like I always if I'm if I practice mindfulness practice mindfulness the next time you're shit talking don't stop shit talking just let yourself watch the way your body language is and the way your body changes the way you feel and look at the body language of the person next to you who you're you know forcing to endure your shit talking right and then you'll you'll see right away oh yeah this is magic I'm practicing magic right now what I'm doing is here are here's a person who knows the person I'm shit talking and I'm poisoning the well is what I'm doing so I'm poisoning the well so the next time this person goes around that person in some way they're going to feel kind of bad about that person and you're doing it unintentionally

but the moment you draw your attention to it it becomes intentional and then you're asking yourself to I really want to poison the well of this person right I man I shit talked recently and it really flew I'm not going to go into details but it flew back in my face instantly and almost within like eight hours it flew back in my face oh yeah and it was like and then it's like I realized like man that was not worth it what a hefty price to pay for what for me was like just a low blood sugar moment where I just you know it well I you know I find myself I am really close to my mom but I find myself not willing to call because I know there's going to be just all this negativity yeah you know just first of all she watches TMZ and she gets really upset that she thinks

everyone's getting ass implants out here and you know she hangs on to crap like that I mean no they're not they're not getting I don't know but don't worry about and then and what made me laugh really hard is I realized like even the things she says I mean she's so kind of wired for negativity just from her upbringing and everything she was asked she said you know there are all these wild fires how close are you to the wild fires and I realized like I was kind of disappointing her that she couldn't see my house on fire on the right you know that's it I was like and I said mom if it doesn't happen my house isn't on fire by next year like what I used to say about being on tv or something if my house isn't on fire by next year I will take my house to the fire and then

jump in after it to try and give her some hope sure she wants it it's a negative hope yeah she loves it yeah this is like carlin's got a great joke about how he loves it when disasters happen you know he's just honestly talking about oh I love it there's such so great when thousands of people die and so if you analyze yourself when you're watching the news yeah you're getting off on the person who's like on the awfulness that's happening oh I know what I you know it's in such a it's an awful way to channel hope when they say that there are three you know so far they found you know in an accident or a plan that they say so far they've found or they've recovered three bodies yeah you know like oh is that all where are the rest come on I'm gonna

have to keep watching until there are more which is so awful but that's I mean that human nature like I want it to be oh yeah yeah it's a window you pick this is the thing these got these artists I've had on a podcast a couple of times Alex and Allison Gray they're these amazing they're visionary artists is what it's called and they're oh god they're incredible but they uh I don't they they they're really good at taking sort of the things that you might witness in the psychedelic state oh and painting it you know they're really good at what at that so some people are very good at that and are they in any sort of state when they do it like are they on mushrooms running I would assume so like I think they're there I don't think they're con I don't know like when they're painting

if they're tripping but it would seem I mean I don't know I it's I can't answer it because I'm not sure but what an amazing thing to do though to paint hallucinations it's it's because it's so hard to bring that back but they they uh so they're Allison Gray has this great idea where she says it's like these two there's two windows you can look through you get to pick and one of the windows is the window into hell and that window is Syrian it's like Fox News it's Syrian refugees it's your it's your you know your own personal problems and the limitations that you might be facing and all the horror of your life and you know by the way what could be worse just than being in a raft with your family being in a raft with exactly shift from the picture imagine

like that's a yeah the worst just floating in the after a cruise in your trapped in a raft with your family or or or um so that's that's a fucking window right so you get to pick to look through and then the other window that you get can pick to look through if you want to is this beautiful window where we exist in this incredible world this beautiful world I mean just like if you spend 10 seconds just looking at a flower I agree it's like what the fuck is this how does this even how is this real this beautiful perfect thing oh my god and it's a life form and I think it might be aware of me a little bit it seems like it might be more alive than we like and that's what yeah I was gonna say I I love looking whenever they find a new species of something

like there's this a peacock spider do you know they're like 11 new peacock spiders wow and they have this little it's almost like this that kind of like little light display like this little screen this round screen and they have and it pulses and it's incredible and it's beautiful that this little spider you know does this and I guess it's to attract a mate or whatever but if you look a peacock spider wow I mean that it would just to go along with what you're saying like I that to me makes me feel like oh you know there's there's there's so much to just you know wonder about and be happy about because there's just so many beautiful things but yeah so that's true it's just what you choose you're choosing yeah that's the point you're picking which one you want and every single second

you're deciding am I gonna look at like the hell realm or am I gonna look at the realm of the gods and you're you're choosing and even if you're in a shitty situation you can always find something about it that's that's really quite poignant and beautiful and sweet it just you just you pick this is the infuriating thing man but you know I was gonna ask you to like have you ever had an um an acid trip where I mean I mean that seems like what they're doing is such a brilliant you know manifestation or just such a um to actually be able to because you can't really even explain it to anyone but if you could paint it yourself of what you're seeing that would tell you so much too about your subconscious I think oh yeah like have you what was what what's an example

of like the most insane visual you've had on acid yeah the most insane visual was staring at my friend the roof of my friend's car which was seething with skulls whoa and then um and then and then that transformed into an above ground view of my coffin being lowered into the ground while my family stood around weeping incredible that was a lot of acid but yeah I saw that and it was like it was just just you know classic death trip classic death trip oh if only I knew god damn it back then I didn't know what to do I didn't know so I didn't get to take advantage of it so I just freaked out and resisted if only I had died you know in that moment you die like whenever the the the hallucinogen is giving you a chance to die uh-huh just die oh it's true because

you I remember I had one acid trip it was my only one it was so horrible I was with my friend and we were in New York uh and and I did the classic thing this other what was three of us and this friend gave us just a small tab and we did the classic thing and I wound up just my friend Linda and I were left we did the classic thing after half hour saying this doesn't seem like it's doing anything so we took more and then five second like and all the times in life when you say this doesn't seem like it's doing anything if you could go oh no no no no wait wait wait and then just wait and so then we took another and then the um sidewalk started rippling up underneath us and it started to rain and my friend and you have to be so careful obviously of who you trip

with my friend it was kind of always been a hypochondriac and she's saying oh my god I've got she started doing this thing with the first I've got bronchitis I got bronchitis I need to go to the hospital and I said you do not need to go to the hospital and but and she's now and I said really should we go should I just say hey my friend and I are tripping on acid yeah and she also has bronchitis can you help us out and she's okay no no I know we can't but the worst worst worst thing was we went I mean this happened so long ago there were pay phones we went to a pay phone and she said wait I need to call my mother classic yeah and her mother had died a year before ooh la la and so that I'm sitting there geez I don't know if I have enough change

for death for you to talk to your mother from wherever she is how much would that cost but I couldn't tell her that I didn't tell her at all but really the best thing was it lasted so god damn long did she call her mom no I just said I didn't have any change so we kept walking we tried to sober up and I remember being at Joe Jr's this place this little diner on 6th Avenue and we had grilled cheese and coffee as we ordered we couldn't lift our coffee cups because the acid was cut with strict night so we had to put our heads down to drink the coffee what do you mean your muscles were spasming or something yeah we just had yeah we had no strength like we can I dispel something very quickly sure so they did a study so this is an urban

so a lot of people say acid gets cut with strict night right so they did a study because this is one of the urban myths about acids is cut with strict night they just study where they sent all these tabs of acid to test them for strict night they found no strict night god so what was it so it's just it's part of a something from the acid that makes that you can't so you're some it paralyzes you it was explained to me that lsd gets there's a filtration process that happens or some kind of I don't understand the chemistry and it's very difficult to synthesize lsd but apparently there's just like any like alcohol or whatever it goes through a filtration process where impurities are removed from the whatever the substance is and if the acid hasn't gone through

enough of this then there is going to be impure it's not going to be clean as it's called or also lsd is very photosensitive apparently it's so tiny that photons degrade the chemical bonds in it which means that if you have lsd that has been exposed to sunlight if you have lsd that hasn't been kept in good conditions then all of these things can lead to the kind of like what a lot of people are like man this shit's got a lot of strict night in it man i'll have fun you know i mean maybe having it in my friend's jeans next to his you know sweaty sack wasn't the best way to then put it on your time that's what it is these people are like shit man look at this acid i got open it up in broad daylight oh man i have of course had no idea about that yeah but the great way i mean the

best i think one of the best parts of of of that whole trip was i said linda are you feeling any better because we're eating uh drinking coffee and just trying so hard to just get back to reality and do as you said is not like slip into we just want it it was so stupid because we were afraid that we were really losing ourselves so much we were afraid of what we it would happen or whatever and she said i'd feel a lot better if the grilled cheese wasn't wrapping around my neck yeah yeah you guys were like just this is what we all do man you take you take this incredible medicine and then you try like hell to stop it from happening from what's from the effects you put your heels down you resist all the way even though this thing is just it's like you know it's like

it's like something is trying to carry you into paradise and you are digging your claws and and and just but to get into paradise you got to die and this is just the way it works you know and every single story spiritual story of everything is like you must first die to this world to come to know me and when a drug is making and this is the bad trip i've had these trips man i'm dying i'm dying i know i'm dying do you ever forget what you were doing or what i mean what you your name or or any like did you let it go full merging yeah yeah once once on this like god it's the best trip i ever had oh man way way back in the days very young and like we um we got just this the lsd was liquid it had just been made apparently this is lsd that had just been created so it's fresh

acid then like this little places by the side of the street like the taffy that you get along the side of the road yeah like i stopped if i saw fresh ass fresh acid right and on sugar cubes and um because a lot of times when people have taken lsd they haven't even taken lsd they've taken some something that is similar to lsd but isn't lsd so this was lsd and uh i think i've had like lsd this pure only a few times in my life and and i've had a lot of acid trips but this was like my god it was just we went to some party they were playing kirtan which at the time i even know what it was but it was like people singing harry christina and it was just like oh it was just so beautiful everything was beautiful and perfect and sweet and just wonderful and like

went back to my girlfriend's house at the time and like we had sex and like was she on it yeah she was on it we were both on it and like i was like it's like the the sex was like a psychedelic sex where like we're having sex but i was not having sex i was in a primeval village carrying going down to the river and getting water and some kind of clay pot and bringing it bringing it back to this like hut and i wasn't the person carrying the water i will but i was i was the water and i was the container and i was the person and i was the hut so it was like your penis was on automatic yeah well it was like yeah like the sex was not it was something else and then after that we're sitting and she like puts on like some kind of i can't remember the Beethoven

or Bach or i can't remember which i just i can't remember god i wish i could remember what it was it's classical music and i'm listening and i'm like following the notes and the notes just seem so perfect and then it's and thinking like who's who's following the notes who's following this music who's what is the one doing the thinking here who is thinking this and then it was like i was gone the merging happened that you hear about on psychedelics it was like i became everything at once a perfect moment of just the most tranquil sweet piece and it was beautiful that's the best trip i ever had it was very good lsd this is why you have to be careful about the type of acid that you're getting you know you have i know i remember i mean

on that the one i did i really panicked and i asked my friend i said what what am i here and what am i in new york to do what was i what am i here and she said you're a stand-up comic and i remember thinking oh fuck why would i do that that's so impossible what a fucking thankless thing yeah look and it's great because it's liberating you at that time because it's showing you like you're not this thing you've decided to say you're this thing and you're saying that this is what i am no one's any one thing right no one's anything at all and the psychedelic will really help you just witness the game that you're playing and that you've the make believe that you you know it's like when we go out if you're a kid you go into the playground you start pretending to be a cop

it's beautiful because you know you're not until you get shot by a cop on the playground which probably happens but you know everyone's so committed to these fucking roles and the psychedelic man it's so good at freeing you from that but if you're if you're very attached to your role whatever it may be then that's the bad trip and most people are very attached to staying alive you know most people don't want to die it all is terrible terrifying worst thing that can happen to you in a movie is to die right it's the worst so the trip the psychedelic generally if it's offering you a death take it of course wow because you're not really gonna die your physical body isn't gonna no one's as far as i'm aware no one's odied no one's

died on lsd there's cases of people who if you look on arowid there is a an example where apparently somebody thought that they were doing cocaine but it was some kind of powdered acid so they snorted just an insane amount of lsd because there's no we have very few cases of an actual overdose overdose and they started hemorrhaging so but that's the amount they took was right a million times more than a dose so there's those see the my point is if you're on a psychedelic and you think you're dying more than likely you're not dying you're fit you're not you're physically not dying but your ego is dying and so just if you can just like just let it kill you i don't man i once i was on mushrooms watching the simpsons like laying in bed and a cramp

had started in my foot and was moving up my leg and i knew when the cramp got to my heart that i would die for sure i'm like as soon as this cramp gets to my heart i'm over man but it's the simpsons are on and it's really funny so i'm like in the midst of this dying i'm laughing my ass off it was very funny because i'd go from like i'm dying this is over to like oh this is so it's really cool really cool so yeah die if you can on on the psychedelic but please don't really die but you won't really die you won't if you do die you're gonna make the history books so congrats for that you will be remembered after you die because you'll be the one person who succumbed to mushrooms it's funny how just how afraid we are to give up control even when even

when that's the point of doing it in the first place you still when you're in it you don't want to most people yeah yeah you don't want to you don't want to give up control you don't want to you don't want to you're just so into like this illusion of being in charge that you don't want to like deal with the fact that you're not really in charge and you're not really anything you know you're not you're definitely not really anything you're just this mist of atomic particles saying it sounds it's really funny though it's really funny that were these mists of atomic particles that are going around there's so into like this thing called being a human i mean we're really committed to this shit man like you can't we can't back out you you got it unless you want to kill

yourself you really are in some way have to be but you can't it's so funny my dog it's like when i put a bandana on my dog i'm pretty sure like when we take the dogs the groomers they put these bandanas on and maybe i'm projecting but i think they're proud like they know they have the bandana on and they're kind of i know i like to think that too i always make i try to make a big deal out of it you know i have i actually when my dog gets out i have a song like i probably i don't know if like here he is mr mix breed america because you know they are possibly having a mix you know like i guess like some of the dog shows they were saying they're about to have mixed breeds oh wow that's cool maybe they i don't know if they ever did yeah and so but he will walk up and down

like he's yes parading like and it's adorable right yeah it's adorable but when a human parades themselves it's somehow noxious or something and when we do it work but it's ultimately just hilarious like you know when someone gets an award and cries or when someone is like just inflated themselves or when someone's wearing really expensive clothes from because we're forced to be a human there's something in it that we're supposed to take seriously but when you just pull away just a little bit it's so fucking adorable no that's such a that's such a sweet way to actually think of it i mean that's such a nice way to like i i was watching an ad that i thought was a parody and i think it was for you know the new you know the spring givan g and it had these like little

just little snippets just little pops of people in uh of models like these black and white photos of models and it said life and fun and poetry and i thought this is gotta be this is like i feel like i'm watching a joke i'm watching this thing but it was uh it was real and um it's hilarious we're the most it's like it's like if you've seen the new videos coming like they there's a new video where they think chimpanzees may have started developing uh ritual that they might be doing ritual have you seen that no oh wow it's cool man it's like they i guess they started finding all these rocks around trees and uh base for some reason chimpanzees have started running up to trees throwing rocks into against the trees and doing it in a kind of ritualistic way where a chimp will

come to a tree climb up on it go throw the rock and then run but they're all doing it so it's like they they think whoa is this the beginning of like is this how like ancient religion starts is just some kind of like we don't know why they're doing it or what's in their heads but they're definitely doing it ritualistically and it's hilarious because it's a chimp and like it's just cute and meaningless and like but when a person god like i was watching the catholic channel fun fun but you know like they're carrying the bible they're wearing a funny hat and they're holding the bible above their head and like walking around with the book open it's like how did that ever happen how did that become this yeah it's fucking crazy he's adorable like if i came home

and my poodle had figured out a way to stand on his legs and was like carrying one of his toys around ritualistically adorable that would be not scary okay that's not horrifying that would be horrifying i think about it i fucking haven't put this leaf immediately my dog's got a demon like if you're done you're right that would be terrifying if your dog started wearing robes and like a funny golden hat with like jewels on it oh Jesus parading around like in the oh my god like if you came home and your dog was wearing robes and that your other animals were sitting around the dog listening to it like it knew what it was saying and then they all looked at you when you walked in the door and you feel like oh no and stopped like when you walked in they stopped

they looked at you and just stopped whatever it was there you're the problem fuck you're our fucking problem that would be scary keeping us down keeping us down shit you're right there there is something less adorable about it when you think about it that way there's something really just kind of dark and i guess you got to pick what window you want to like i know allow me to bring in the hell window whenever i can oh god though no you're right like in that way it's like really there's actually my friend just sent me somebody uh went to a trump rally on acid and they were writing about what it was like the mistake that they made like how they all realized they just made a big mistake yeah did his face do things or yeah they're saying there's the breathing

effect that was happening there's just this underlying sense of anger everywhere i mean oh no i've met like trump's face they didn't turn morphine to anything i think they were saying it was like that like his hair piece with his hair he could see his hair piece was like breathing or so yeah shit laura thank you so much for coming on the show it's so great chatting with you you got we got to come you got to start doing this more often i would love to great and where can people find you and what are you up to you're an angel i'm going to thank you for asking i will be at the uh draft house in dc arlington draft house yes uh huh and with these two guys i really look forward to meeting they seem i just looked them up they're really funny the luke's brothers

they're twins and they're funny yeah they do like a team act i yeah i think yeah they're like a comedy duo right of twins that sounds cool yeah awesome it's like the sclar brothers right they're twins right so it's like a version of that or no no no it's not bad i'm not saying they're ripping off the sclar they copy the sclar brothers they made themselves twins you know i used to have i used to have this i'll not go into but i used to have this bit about how men like twins some you know like that's sort of a perversion and that yeah it's not okay to like twins because they're actually twins that's you know incest and um and i said you know i really felt uh creeped out about it until the sclars invited me home one night and they took off their clothes in front of me and licked each other's

nipples anyway i went on to this one anyway i had i used to do this the first time i did that bit though i was at the small remember the small lark i mean the lark over the one that was on fairfax yeah that was great and the first time i did that um flan again the owner came up and he was he was bent over laughing and he had tears in his eyes and i was like what what what and he said their grandparents are in the front row and i said yeah that was the that was the first time i did that bit and then i was really happy and well anyway anyway i started to bring that up bring up my i think about twins but i am really looking forward to the same thing happening with the lucas brothers i think it's going to friends go see laura she's a brilliantly funny comedian i'm

going to have links to her stand-up and her twitter at dunkartrustle.com thanks a lot laura howdy thank you thanks for listening folks and a big thanks to squarespace for sponsoring this episode if you go to squarespace.com and use offer code dunkin you'll get 10 off your first order thank you laura kightlinger for joining us to find out more about laura go to our website at laura kightlinger.com or you can follow her on twitter at king kightlinger all of these links will be at dunkartrustle.com if you enjoy this podcast why not give us a nice rating on itunes and because i forgot to say it in the beginning thank you to all of you who continue to support the podcast i love you guys and i hope you have an amazing week keep your eyes peeled for another

episode with alant magical later in the week and i hope to see you out there on the squarespace presents you are god comedy tour and don't forget if you like this podcast give us a nice rating on itunes and bookmark our amazon portal or don't do any of that just listen and thank you i'll see you soon it's spring black friday at the home depot which means it's time to get your outdoor spaces ready so you can enjoy more this season right now you can get the style well park point four piece patio set at a new lower price of $3.99 with its stain resistant cushions modern relaxed styling it's the perfect centerpiece for your porch deck or patio whether you're looking for sunny lounging or evening gathering hurry into the home depot to get the style well park point patio set at a

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