Dungeons and Daddies - [BONUS] Con Oz - A Daggerheart One Shot

Episode Date: October 28, 2025

Oz meets Oz in... Con Oz, a one-shot set in the Daggerheart system!This episode contains Profanity, Violence, and Sexual Content.Go to Daggerheart.com to learn more and buy your own copy of Daggerheart!DM is Anthony BurchCandy Dufresne is Matt Arnold Tim Tipple is Will CamposDiana Ingram Eels is Beth May Hacker X is Freddie Wong Go to Daggerheart.com to learn more and buy your own copy of Daggerheart!DM is Anthony Burch  Candy Dufresne is Matt Arnold Tim Tipple is Will CamposDiana Ingram Eels is Beth May Hacker X is Freddie Wong Annissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, Freddie here. Before Dungeons and Daddies, you may be surprised to learn. Matt and I came from the world of YouTube and film and TV. And we're crowdfunding our second feature film, Nailhouse. Right now is a slapstick action comedy. Check the episode description for a link. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Hello, potentially new audience from Critical Role. They call you critters. I call you potential new fans and friends. We do things a little differently around here. So if you see us from across the room and dig our vibe, I invite you to check out our show, starting at the beginning. Season 1, Episode 1, Dungeons and Dang. Don't start from the middle. But you're smarter than that.

No one starts from the middle of these things. Anyway, here's Daggerheart. My name is Will, and tonight I'll be playing Tim Tipple. My name is Matthew Arnold, and I play Candy Dufrain. Freddie Wong and I play Hacker X. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Diana Ingram Eels. I'm Anthony Birch and I'm the dungeon, the dagger heart. I'm the dagger master.

I'm the heart master. I'm the dagger heart master. Owl. You stab me. You stab me in my heart with the dagger. I guess we have no choice but to play a one shot in the dagger heart system. What the fuck? Created by critical role as I pull.

this blade from my still beating heart. Sounds like there's a critical hole in your chest guy. Oh my gosh. Welcome to our dagger heart one shot con Oz. We are going to, for the first time, for us at least, play the dagger heart system. So I'm going to, both for our benefit and for

the listeners benefit, kind of explain the system of dagger heart as we go through. There's not canonical explanation, by the way. This is a third party. This is our version of dagger I did actually read the whole book. You should play the five minute video that they did. we all sat down and watched Matt Mercer explain the system to us on our TV but no I actually have read the whole book so I know how it's supposed to be done

and I've probably forgotten most of those things wow I read a book I'm just letting you know that there's going to be even less excuse for when I do something wrong so all those dagger heads out there will be able to catch me on it ready to begin let's do it yes up and Adam up and Adam the familiar stomp of leather boots on steel flooring shock you into awakeness even before the boss opens his tobacco crammed mouth You can't actually perform the up part of Up and Adam because you, like the three other prisoners sitting next to you, are chained to your seat.

Wrist cuffs, attached to ankle cuffs, attached to the floor. Attached to all of our Prince William's piercings. Threaded through the tip of my Prince William. They call you the chain gang. Is it Prince William or is it Prince something else? Prince Albert. Prince William is through the bald sack. You're both boys.

Prince William, you pierce your bald head. Prince Harry is when your dick gets a Netflix show Is he the bad one? Which Prince is the pedophile? Andrew, we're fine. Okay, okay, okay, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roll call, the boss says, spitting in such a way that somehow a wet brown gobs splatters

on all eight of your shoes simultaneously. Oh. Candy, Dufrain. Yeah. Loud, God damn it. He yells, thacking you in the stomach with his baton. I said, yeah. The dairy.

What are you want? You said my name. I'm here. I want to know if you're here. I'm here. Louder, God damn it. I'm here. I'm here.

I'm here, sir. The dairy demon himself. Well, boy, I'm intolerant of only two things. Lactose and scumbags. Oh, I'm both of those things. You're lactose. You make a deaf ice cream. You might as well be.

Tim Tipple? Yeah. Now that's the right volume and he thwax you in the stomach with his guitar. I deserve that. I'm sorry. Hey, Tipple, do you ever think about how many of those kids you killed might have had Fortnite accounts? What do you think happens to their six?

skins. You think the parents can show a death certificate to epic games to get ownership of the account so they can have the skin steal? I know for a fact that four of the kids played Fortnite quite a bit because I try to learn everything about the victims of my crime and I learned that little Jimmy, he was a level 42 and he really liked playing as the John Wick guy and I learned that his best which John Wick. There's two models.

He was the first one, the Bobbyaga one that looked really cool. And his sister was sitting in a lot. He can get that one. That's limited to dish. But then I was looking at a text message and I crashed into their cool buzz and they all died. And I'm sorry. I'm very sorry

and I deserve to be here so whatever you want to do to me That's more an accident That's a crime It's a crime It's a crime It's called for I don't know how to be any clearer about that

Haxor X That's Hacker X to you I don't even know why you're being sent to Mac security prison I'm looking at your list of things This is nothing But Governor Ulrich said You gotta go to MaxSec prison

I don't know what the deal is Can't believe they made Ski O'Rick governor dude the man's always we've all affected light southern accents I'll go the other way yeah just like in the film on the way

yeah yeah the man's always been after hacker X wait so it's Hacker X to you is what you said it's Hacker X to me and then you refer to yourself as Hacker X so it's just Hacker X okay cool

and finally spelled H4X 02X there's no R in there The two is an R you dumb fuck The two is an R you I'm just coming with his fucking thing. And finally, Diana Ingram Eels, the serial killer.

Who's asking? I'll kill you. I would comment on your crimes more in detail, but I try not to talk to women without my wife present. Now, all inmates are present and accounted for. We are on schedule to land at Air One Maximum Security Prison within the next hour, where you will spend the rest of your natural lives. Hey, Haxor, pick a number between one and five. Don't do it.

Zero. Zero. I was going to hit you that many times. You've seen through my ploy. Hackerax is always one step ahead. You're a sneaky one. Erdogan can't hold you. I can already tell.

Sir, I would like to be hit five times. I deserve to be hit more. But if the maximum number is five, then please hit me five times, sir. Now that I know you want it. I don't want to do it. Sir, I would like you to hit him five times, please. Well, I have to listen to women.

So here we go. And he's going to go ahead and roll to hit you five. What is your evasion? And I guess we're going to disadvantage it because you're chained up. It's probably disadvantaged because both of your. chained up and your dick is going through a little loop. No, that's a different one. You said the wrong one.

We don't know what the piercing is that you said. We don't know where our Prince Williams are. It's just a butt sheet. It wasn't that the name was wrong. It's just we were wrong about what body bar we've all been threaded through. I don't see evasion. It's a top left. You mean top left?

On your character sheet? Will, this sheet could not be easier. It's like they took everything wrong about Dungeons Dragons and just made it better on the character sheet. It's the first place you would look. When I think, where's evasion? What do I do? I look at the top left of the paper, and that's right where it is.

Thank you. Matt, don't yell at me. Did I mention the critical role paid for us to do this one shot? My evasion is 10. So he's going to go and hit you once. What have you guys just killed me right now? Okay, so he does 14 damage to you.

What? No, but the way it works is different. Wait, wait, wait. You're not going to take 14 hit points of damage. What do you think this is? That would be silly. That would be silly. Oh, thank God's not.

What you're going to do is, you actually have threshold. for the amount of damage you take. How much HP do you have in general will? Tim Tipple has a maximum of five HP. You have five HP. What are your thresholds for damage? So depending on how much damage you take,

you will either mark one, two, or three damage on your HP track. This can't be. My minor damage threshold is one. Okay. And my major damage threshold is two. Yeah, that can't be right. That's mine, too. We don't have any armor or anything.

Really? Because we're all naked. We're all prisoners. They don't give us armor? Wow. The boss hits you in the stomach with the flight of his baton. the wind is knocked out of you immediately and it hurts really, really, really bad

so much so that if he does it again, he'll probably kill you. And he notices this and he goes, oh, you know what, never mind. I threw up on your shoes. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry, I threw up on you. I would ask you to lick it off, but I think that would probably be I look at it. I don't. Please don't. And he steps back. I pull him by his

Prince Henry or whatever to stop. Oh, my Prince William. Is my lawyer going to be able to know I'm on appeal because I didn't, I didn't do no crime. I'm just wondering, where are we going? Are we going to be, what? Why are you all out? You all know. Your question is, will your lawyer know where you are?

Yeah, that seems important. Yes, your lawyer will know where you are. There is a record of you being transferred to Airwant maximum security. So when they find out I didn't do it, they'll know where to come get. You were convicted. Yeah, but that doesn't mean much. Lucky for you, they threw me in this black sight. I agree. I agree.

It doesn't mean much. You hear a voice shouting from the cockpit. NAS, strap in. We got a sandstorm out of nowhere. The plane jolts upward, then downward again. You are all waitless for almost a full second. You hear a horrible screaming out on the wing, a scraping noise, as sand particles scrape against the side of the plane.

I see it. It's out on the wing. I swear to God! You glanced through the inch-thick glass window just in time to see a tsunami of sand crash into the engine, clogging it and stopping the turbine dead. A similar noise erupts from the other wing. Oh, that's two of them. And then you're falling. Waitless. Oh, no.

What the fuck's going on? Oh, no. screams. Through the open cockpit door, you see the pilot turn around to answer just in time for the torrent of sand to shatter the windshield, the flood of grit eating away at the pilot's flesh before your very eyes. Oh no! Within moments, the sand is almost entirely sheared away the skin of his face, and now the storm rages within the cabin as well. Sand stings your eyes and cheeks. I knew that was going to happen because the doors to the cockpits are all so flimsy. Yeah, that's usually why planes crash. Those flimsy cockpit doors. It's made of the opposite of the black box

of those doors. You see Boss Nass heading for a locker attached to the cabin wall. His name is Boss Nass? He's the boss and the guy called him Nass. He rips open the locker revealing five backpacks. He grabs one and puts it on. Oh, are those?

Sir, are those parachutes? Oh, they are. Thank you for reminding me. And he takes out a pocket knife and he stabs the other four parachutes. Then he kicks open an emergency door on the other side of the plane and leaps out. The wind howls louder as now there are Two points of ingress for all of this fucking sand. The sand excoriates not just your skin,

but your lips, your eyelids, your eyes themselves. You feel yourself going blind. You're falling, falling, falling, and then... Black. Grogly, you awake. Your chains have shattered in the fall. Hopefully in such a way that your Prince Williams are still in time. Oh, they're still good.

Mine's got a little more hair on it. The cabin of your plane seems to have detached itself from the rest of the vessel, oceanic style. Flaming wreckage surrounds you. The emergency door that boss now, mask kicked open has landed on something. Two legs with striped socks poke out from beneath the door, blood dripping

down their bare up cats. Oh, God, is it another kid? Did we land on another kid? I better not be getting framed for this or whatever. Yeah. Two polished silver shoes adorn the victim's feet. I'll take those. You put them on. They don't fit you. Actually, yeah,

why don't you roll to see if they fit you or not? Are they big shoes or small shoes? They are small shoes belonging to a girl that I want to say is 14. Oh, God! No, not again So instead of having like 20 different categories of shit You can be good at you just use your stats And argue for how they might be useful in certain situations

And you have personal experiences That you can sort of apply to different stuff That you write in yourself I think it's like instinct Because I think it's like Okay so they don't fit you Fennesse was right there You could have tried to finesse them on there

No because instinct is like I knew they were the right size I just by looking at them I knew that fit me Being a girl's girl for a second I do feel like there is like an instinct do you get about shoes and whether or not, yeah. Yeah. If it fits, I say.

I want to roll. Okay, go ahead and roll your line. Just make me fail. Roll your fucking instinct. Remember that you're rolling 2D12. One is your hope die and one is your fear die. And when you roll, you have to tell me which one is higher. YouTube React thumbnail face going on.

So that is a 9 plus 12. That's a 21. Wow. And my higher number is the hope die. Oh, okay. So you've succeeded with hope, as we would say, in the dagger heart biz. I hope they fit. And they fit.

They fit really, really well, actually. What does Succeeding with Hope mean? Succeeding with Hope means that something good happens in addition to the thing that you wanted. It goes better than you could have expected. You look real slugly. There's some guns here, too. Everything a gun. Not that good.

Thanks, Candy. It's better in the sense that, like, they actually truly fit on your feet. You got a little jiggle while you walk. They already got Dr. Scholl's in there. Yeah. Yeah. Pre-should? Pre-should?

No bunnies on this trip. Candy, look, I said they won't. fit because honestly I think I was a little jealous and so I'm sorry no you got one I have one no they look amazing oh thank you um amazing Tim Tipple is frantically amazing wow you murdered the last man you're with correct

the last man no all right Tim Tipple frantically runs to the smashed wreckage that these legs are sticking out from under and goes it's okay it's gonna be okay it's gonna be okay I promise this one's not on you This one's not on you. Are you sure?

It's not your fault. This one's not your fault. And you need to know when to take credit for something, you know? When to be like, hey, yeah, I did that. I killed that motherfucker. I take credit for the horrible deed that I did every day of my life. Yeah, but this one you didn't do. There's three seconds that I wake up where I don't remember who I am.

And then I close my eyes and remember, no, you're Tim Tipul. You killed those children on October 15th, 20, 23. No, no. When you were looking at your text messages to read comments on Reddit and then you smashed into somebody. We all drive while texting. The only, you've done. You've done the same thing everybody's done.

You just had an accident. The only difference is your accident had a big consequence. Tim. But it's not your fault. It's important. You, it's not your fault. I just want to back you up a little bit there.

Texting. What do you mean by texting? I was, I was, okay, this is going to take a little bit. Do you know what a podcast is? What the fuck are you talking about? that idea. It's like a radio show. So my job was that I was on a podcast and

our podcast, do you know what a Patreon is? What the fuck are you talking about? Well, a Patreon is like when people pay you money because they like your podcast a lot. I like and only fans but for... Only fans. Sometimes they leave. Sometimes they leave when you make your radio show. On Haxor X's neck you see

tattooed, bars can't hold me, September 10th 2001 to and then today's date. So you know, Exactly how long he has been in prison. Matt, that explains my flimsy pilot door joke. You see? Because before a very important day in American history,

those doors weren't as strong as they are now. I harkened back to a simpler time when those doors were slightly weaker. You appear to have landed on the outskirts separating a desert from a forest. In the moment that you look around, you hear something rustle within the trees. A 21-foot-tall man in a pink suit of... appears. Oh. Yoop!

He yells running at you. He's running straight at you and he's salivating. You, you, you, I'm you, Mr. You. And he runs at you. What are you going to do? I love this guy. We need to kill this man. Let's see.

I get out my weapons. What's around here? Do we have weapons? You've got pieces of like shredded metal around you that you can use as, let's say, impromptu weapons. Yeah, I've got a big thing of shredded metal that's going to be my battle axe. Okay. I'm going to try to cut off this guy's legs. Go ahead.

and give me an attack roll, which, again, is just going to be a role with hope and fear, and I'm going to compare it to their difficulty. I don't add a modifier to this. You're using a battle axe. What is the operating stat for that? Is it strength? Yes. Okay, then I think you get a plus one, actually.

Okay, then I got 13 total with hope. Okay, 13 with hope. You get exactly what you want, and the fucking jagged metal shears through the air and cuts Mr. Youep off at the knees. Mr. Youep? Which means that he is only now... Now he's 19 feet. He's still pretty tall, but he's coming at you on stunts.

Horrific. Is there initiative? Like, are we in combat? No. There is no initiative. Say that again. There's no initiative. But Anthony, what's the catch?

There is no, well, the catch is you have to buy the system. There's not only no initiative. There is no differentiation whatsoever between combat and out of combat. People think game design is about adding more. Real game designers like Anthony there worked on Borllands, too. He knows that sometimes the best game design is removing unnecessary. Yeah, there's ever a minimal. game this existed. It's definitely a

borderland game. So take it out that initiative. This is an important question for me, which is like we have our personal belongings. Personal ballings on my side like that. Our personal belongings in prison, right? Since they transfer us, we probably had like our bags or whatever of our stuff. In the luggage hold, yeah. Yeah, it's got my gun in there.

Can I run a way to get because that's where my weapons are. I want to get my weapons. Go ahead and give me an instinct rule to see if you can find where the luggage might have fallen. That's an 18-bole. with fear. Okay, so an 18 with fear is, hey, congratulations, you find the big luggage compartment that's got all of your

pre-jail equipment in it? My two ice cream scoops. My original 1935 zero scoop and my new 10-80 went out a 10-20 aluminum zero ice cream scoop, and on them they say, hope and fear. Those are the names of my two scoops. Okay, you find those. You don't find your gun because it's been burned in the

racket. That's the name of my gun. Well, love is dead. Love is burned into fucking pig iron. Love is patient. Love is kind. So it's no use. But, yeah, you find hope and fear. And I'm just using stats as daggers for these two scoops. Great. Wait, guys, hear me out. Your first day in prison, what did you do?

Did you beat somebody up? Did you kill somebody with, like, a barbell out in the yard? I asked somebody to kill me. Yeah, that was awkward. I'm just saying, what if this guy, what if this guy who's running toward us, what if he's just like a cellie trying to win respect? He's not actually out that harm us. He just wants us to know who we is.

I want to eat you as Mr. You. Cool, cool, cool, cool. In my mouth, in my mouth. Up, bo, bo, bo. I have this listen here as a short bow, but what I'm going to do... It's a zip drive that shoots out of zips. Well, no, it's like a big pen that, like, shoots nails. You know what I mean? Like, it's like a rubber band.

Well, you know, it's like a prison weapon. It's like a prison weapon, dude. I can improvise all manner of weapons. So I'm going to shoot my spring-loaded short bow. Dude, you've been gathering the prison guards are like, God, all these big pens, we keep losing the springs on them. You've been gathering. You have, like, a hundred. 100 springs.

And rubber band. It's behind a poster of Rita Hayworth. It's so good. It looks like she has a big old boner. Why do you put all them in the same spot? All right, go ahead and roll your attack. I have two dice for that. One is blue and one is red.

The red represents fear because of the fiery passion of fear. The blue represents the cool feeling of hope. The blue represents the cool feeling of hope. 14. But I roll with fear. 14 with fear, dog. A fearful 14. Let me just run through all the things that everyone else will be saying.

A scared 14. This 14's coming with a bit of fear on top. This 14 is a scale. Okay. I said it's scared twice for one. You said all of them. You said all of them at anybody will ever say. It's a 14.

Now I don't know what I'm going to do when I roll fear. You got rid of all the good things to say. All the funny goose when you say fear. So you managed to crossbow him successfully in. both of his kneecaps making him fall again another two or three feet but the unfortunate part is because he's still so tall as he falls forward he

grabs onto you and begins to squeeze and in that moment you hear oh that won't do and then suddenly let me roll my damage first dude fine whatever two plus three five

all right he takes one hit point of damage are you happy did that feel good hey guys we're cutting the way out of him in that moment you hear mystery go and then it his head expect. What the fuck?

Behind him with a wand in an outstretched hand is Ariana Grande. Ariana Grande. It is specifically the Ariana Grande Glinda. I think it actually literally specifically can't be that one because we're doing the public domain version of Wisconsin. Yeah, but... No, it's Ariana Grande. Cosplaying is that version. We're not actually putting Ariana Grande in this.

Like there's nothing, like you don't get arrested. Like, if I'm on Twitter, I say, Hey, Ariana Grande is at my house. She can't arrest me for using her likeness. Like, you can see whatever you want. Tichet. Ariana Grande is standing there and going, oh, oh, dear, oh, no. She's looking down at the crushed girl who was now shoeless.

And she goes, did you kill her? She says pointing at you, Sandy. Oh, because you're wearing your shoes. She wasn't using these anymore. So I just took them. Oh, gosh. Well, by taking the shoes, you have now taken upon her responsibilities as well. Like the salmon claws.

It's very much like the San Claus. It's very much like that, yes. That's the only movie they had in prison, which was odd. We never celebrated Christmas, but we can watch the Santa Claus all the time. I know a lot of kids who aren't going to be able to celebrate Christmas. Who are you? And what manner of dress are you in?

And what is the nature of this big destroyed metal beast? And what brings you to the land of Oz? My name's Sandy Dufrane spelled candy. I'm the pint-sized ice cream man. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you as well, she says, waving from a distance. You can come closer. Hello, my name is Tim Tipple.

Three years ago on October 15th, I was driving my car and I got distracted looking at a Reddit post and I crossed an intersection and I crashed into a school bus and killed 15 children. And I carry that guilt with me every day. So if you don't want to end up like me, make sure you never text and drive. Okay. Hey, Tuts. My name's Diana Ingram Eels. A few years ago, I don't know how long. My husband and I was sitting down for breakfast and he gave me this look.

And I didn't like the look at that look. And so I put some anti-freeze in a cereal, and they call me the serial killer. That's fun. I'm hacker-ex. I mean, I was about to say I didn't need to hear it all. I didn't need to hear all of your backstory. I just was sort of generally curious where you came from. He gave me a look like, and I didn't like the look at that.

I try to tell everybody about the horrible thing I've done the second I meet them so they don't get their hopes up for a second that I might be a good person and that they know that I'm bad and I shouldn't be alive. Okay. Okay. So you're at the edge of the desert. Can we hear about a Hacker X? Okay, yeah, that one. He's been still missing as he's never told us anything about himself, and now he's about to spill it all to you, so this is a big deal for us.

All right, here we go. I've been waiting for this. Many years ago, I was imprisoned for a crime I did commit, but a crime that shouldn't be a crime because information deserves to be free. No, in the eyes of the man, I did something even worse. I downloaded what was known as an MP3 file from Metallica's live album. They decided to make an example out of me, and I've been rotting in federal prison ever since. Okay.

So, uh, I was coming out. I'm here to meet poor, poor dot, and I was going to discuss how to deal with the situation in Emerald City, but now you're here and you've taken her shoes, so by the law of shoes, you have to do that thing now as well. But, I mean, presumably, you'll want to get out of this situation because there are many dangerous things in this forest, and that desert is all but impassable. I'm amazed that you even managed to crash land here. So are we in Idaho? Where are we at? Oh, you were in the land of Oz. Australia.

We're in Australia. You got no accent. My lawyer can't reach me in Australia Okay, so are you like Chill with being here? Are you like... I've heard that there are a lot of things In the Australian Outback that can kill you

So maybe I'll find one Because I can't take my own life It would be too easy. I feel like this guy should be like Maybe in a secure facility Like for his own sake I'd be the easy way out And it wouldn't mean anything to the victims

But you know if I died And something else killed me That would be okay I'm gonna go ahead make a unilateral decision And say that you guys shouldn't be here Australia has a copyright act Where would you have us go? I would have you go back to it from once you came.

You remind me of my wife. She left me after the accident. Whatever world you're from, I think you should probably go back to. Does this word mean anything to you? What do you think? Yeah, go ahead. What word? America.

It doesn't ring a bell. Oh, my God, we're in hell. Man, the way he talks, I can't really tell if he's actually liberal or if he's just conservative or if he's just pretending to be one or the other. I'm America. Yeah, okay. Very confusing still. Yeah.

Okay, well, if you guys do want to get out here, I know a way to do that. You want to just fuck around and find out. That's also fine. And lady, what do you think we got to go back to? Yeah. You know, what I got to look forward to? Well, surely, your families, your loved ones. Wait, you're telling me this is...

Different foods that you enjoy? Ladies. What? Lady. Sparrows? Lady. Pictures of sparrows. Lady.

What? What are this land's feelings with regards to copyright law? We are completely copyright free here in the land of Oz. After L. Frank Baum died, anyone can do anything they want. want with any of these characters, so we're pretty chill on that. Oh, that's brilliant. And then what about first-degree murder? Not great, not ideal.

But, you know, I guess everybody could be forgiven for something if they're sufficiently sorry. If they accept Christ into their heart. Who would forgive me? Is there someone that could forgive me? Oh, his name is Jesus Christ. I have good news for you. That was the news. Oh, okay.

Okay. This lady talks a pretty big talk, big on her high horse after, Floating that guy's head. William's crew. I saved your lives. Mr. Yup was going to eat you. He's a cannibal, you see. Yeah, and I'm telling you, I didn't like the way my husband was looking at me.

And I need you all alive if you're going to take down the current king of Emerald City. Gain access to the wizard's great flying machine so you can leave here and never come back. Do you guys hear what she's saying? Williams crew, gather together. Williams crew? Clink, clink, clink, as you all get together. All right, yes. Let's all touch our Prince Williams together.

We're out of prison. You're going to have to say that a little louder. I can't hear you when my Prince William is smushed up against yours. Sorry, I bend down. We're out of prison. I mean, why would we want to go back? I don't know. This land is when it will be my new land.

I'm okay with that. There's nothing for me back there. Ma'am, do you know what ice cream is? No, what's that? My God. I'm going to kill it here. He never even dazed in it. Oh, I mean, okay, you don't have to get involved in my political plot.

That's fine. Emerald City's that way, she says, pointing towards the large green city you see in the distance. Even to look at it kind of hurts your eyes a little bit. It's like you're looking at the sun, but you get the general idea that across the forest, there is a city and that it is green. If only we had like a road to follow or something. There isn't one. So there's a bad man that needs to be punished in this city, this king? Yeah.

Or at the very least, you know, dethroned. I don't know about punished, but certainly. That's my opinion. And that's what this was before our young girl was trying to do before our big metal box landed on her. Yes, she and I were going to gain access to his inner sanctum. Okay. In a sanctum. And do you think that if someone...

Could someone feel less bad about themselves if they helped you... If they helped you do the thing that you need to do, could someone who has a lot of... He's carrying a lot of... Could he feel a little less burdened because he did something good? Would it maybe be like the death of this little girl would make sense if the person who was involved in her death then went on to do something good? That's a decision that you can make on your own. I don't think I need to be a part of that arithmetic you've got going in your head.

But if you want to, I mean, you can either stay here and get, you know, eating alive. This bad man must be stopped and I will stop him and I will be a hero. And the people here who don't know about me are the horrible thing that I did, they will know this knew me as a hero, a great guy. And that will be okay for me. You see a flock of wheelers drive by, which are like sentient wheels. Sorry, what? It's just a thing that's in Wizard of Oz.

It's just in L. Frank Baum's skewed universe. You also see. a yellow hen running by what else you see a fucking vain glass cat who's like mingles the name man this is weird it's all weird in addition to that

you see a very large stone golem coming at you going I'm gonna kill you if you stay in this particular area I wish by a move from that stone golem coming I'll kill you oh no okay we're going we're going to shit we're going

hey next time you're dead you're dead man you're fucking dead you look at me like that again you look at me like again you're dead why don't you roll to intimidate the stone creature I rolled a seven with fear okay not only is he not scared but he gets up close right next to your face and he goes you seem like an interloba

and your attempts to terrify me have fallen on deaf ears but I do know one thing you're going to die the next time we meet I'm gonna get all my friends together because you don't Don't get to say rude things to me like that without introducing yourself. And I will teach you manners at the tip of a blade. BRB. And he runs in the direction of the Emerald City. And you know to a certainty that you will see him again.

Good job. Sorry, what's your character saying? Diana Ingraham Eels. D.I.E. Sorry, man. There's been a lot going on. And these shoes feel real good, though. I don't know why.

That is feel good. They don't belong to. But I mean, okay. What is this bad man going to do? Oh, he's just sort of enslaved. most of the people in Oz. He's a very horrible dictator. He's generally a bad guy.

I mean, if you just want to chill out. Like a prison warden. Sure, yeah. I don't know what that is. He probably wouldn't let a man open an ice cream shop, right? I'd have to kill him to open an ice cream shop. I mean, you go with that feeling. If that's what feels right to you, sure.

I get and I don't know what ice cream is. You're telling me that this person is an authoritative figure that you called the man. That is correct. He's a man. We got to take this man down. Yeah. Great. And I think he looked at you wrong.

He definitely fucking looks. them you're wrong. And I'll be a good person again if I kill him, right? Yeah, sure. I pray for that. I pray for that for you. I want you to love yourself. Diana, Ingram Meals. You can call me candy. My friends call me candy. Candy. Candy, Diana. It's spelled candy. It's spelled candy. Well, you know, don't know. Sometimes the seas, they act

like yes. Isn't those complicated words. The somplicated words. Exactly. My father isn't the most educated, man. You can call me Sandy or Karen. Whatever. Put your boat. It's all fine. Candy Candy, Diana Ingram Meals. And you, Mr. Hacker X. Hacker X. And Tim.

And Tim? Me. That's you. That is me. But it doesn't have to be for long, Tim. But it doesn't have to be right. You can create a whole new identity here. Kill whoever you want. They don't even have to be kids.

They could be anybody. Anybody who looks at you wrong. Let's go ahead and tell you. I'm going to head that off at the past real quick. So if you are indeed planning to go kill the King of Oz, that's great. I'm going to give you two boons. Firstly, and she waves her wand. if you just tap your feet together

and admit the worst thing you've ever intentionally done you will get some magic powers. Oh, that's easy. Hi, my name is Timple on October 15th, 2020. Oh, intentionally. Oh, well, I guess intentionally

when I was driving that car, I was looking at the thing. Yeah, okay, fair enough, that count. So, my name's Diana. The worst thing I've intentionally done. Probably texting while driving. It's gone. Seeing what Diana is laying down,

all of us is trying to. clearly makes him feel better. I go, because again, like I said, I did not kill nobody, but I have. So you did kill somebody. We have double negatives in us. The whole language is complicated. That's just sound like seas, candy, sandy, and saying things are wrong twice, make them right. That's not right.

May really hurts you. Prince William, trying to think about that. It does. It's a real contradictory in terms. I do the worst thing I've ever done on purpose, which we all do. And it's not really that wrong. It's Texan all driving. Okay, so I'm noticing a few here.

What you're saying, though, is that you guys are like murderers, and this is the worst thing that you did is the thing that I did. No, but I didn't murder nobody. And I'm saying it's real dangerous to text one drives. It is really dangerous, but it's not your fault. It's bad. Don't do it. I think I figured out what you mean.

Well, I'm Hacker X. And in the eyes of the law, the worst thing I ever done was war driving. That's when you drive around with a laptop open. That's pretty close. Wi-Fi access points. So I guess it is a little bit like, what do you call it? Texting while driving. I think it's actually a little safer, probably, because

bigger screen. You can You don't have to look close. You're not looking at it constantly. Yeah, I mean, the cars these days, the screen's too big. Cars and screens? When Tim clicks his feet together, he turns into the idealized version of himself, which is the version of himself

the day before his accident. He's thinner. He's got all his hair back. His wedding ring is back on his finger. Like his And his shoulders seem a little lighter. And he says, oh, hey, yeah, this is what it felt like. This is what it felt like when I was a man, when I was someone. And so what I am now. It really makes me that if only you haven't been texting, I'll drive.

Yeah. I mean, I'd hit it, not the previous version, but this version's not so bad. When Diana clacks her heels together, she's exactly the same except she has a bunch of toys from a claw machine in her arms. Fuck yes When Candy clicks his feet together He looks exactly the same He's just no longer a prisoner But he's got his ice cream outfit on

And he's still getting the best milk around He's still getting the best milk around If you want to know what that means You can ask me later When Hacker X clicks his heels together Hacker X becomes a slyborn Earthkin assassin of the poisoners guild There we fucking go

That's right. That's right. Three humans and a fucking dude that turned to be a reptile. Sorry, I'm a flavor sorcerer. Sorry, I forgot to say I was a Ridgeborn Emberkin warrior. Yeah. No, you're a girl with stuffed animals. I'm a flavor sorcerer.

Oh, yeah. My guy's a bard because he was a podcaster, and that's like being a bard. I have some abilities. Like, I can like pick locks and stuff. Great. So as I said, I was going to give you two boons. The first is your magic powers. The second is a spellbook.

And she holds out a small packet. The top of it is yellow. It says play. bill and beneath it it says Wicked and she hands you the play bill for Wicked and she says this includes several spells all you need do is say the name of the spell and then it will do something

akin to what the spell names seem to imply how come there's so many songs in Act 1 but not that many in Act 2 I'm looking at the song list right now We don't talk about Act 2 that much It's about the same number of songs It's not as memorable it's not memorable It just feels like there's less because you don't remember

I don't know I've never seen it You've never seen it Upon entering the town square of Emerald City The worst thing you've ever done to have an opinion about a show you haven't seen, in my opinion. Candy, the worst thing you ever did was look at me like that and say something like that to my face. Do you head into Emerald City? Yes. You cut your way through the forest.

Whoa! Seeing some more. There's a forest. I told you there was a forest. We were cutting. What are we cutting with? The blade. Ice scoop, scoops, you idiot.

What are we cutting with? This one has a battle axe. Oh, okay. What does the sky look like? It's bright blue, right? It's been so long since I've seen it. Forgot what it looked like. They let us outside.

It's pretty similar. Not me. I'm in the hole. I was also in the hole. You don't even want to know where that piercing is. Diana, I was also in the hole. Slowly, you start your lips, start moving toward each other. We're a hole together in different holes.

Wait, wait. We have a spell bug that we can just say any spell and it happened. You can say any spell so long as that spell is the name of a song from Wicked. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. And then we'll do something that is akin to the name of that song.

So upon entering Emerald City Town Square, you are immediately... And I need to defy gravity, and I fly. I fly straight. Guys get on. I fly straight. Over Emerald City, I look for the tallest tower there is. Because that's where the bad guy would be. They're always in the tallest tower.

Who else would be up there? You think the baddest guy would let somebody else be higher than them? We'd go to the tallest tower. He's flying. Oh, no. So, yeah, you... So all four of you start flying. There's a reason this mechanic is it in Daggerheart, fucking Anthony.

Oh, boy. So all four of you start flying towards the tallest tower in all of Emerald City. And beneath you, you see all kinds of things. People just stare at us because we say popular, too. Wow! There they go. Their favorite four new friends Oh no

Oh no Everybody starts cheering Yay! They're applauding you Quiet, he'll know we're coming Quiet, quiet everybody By the way, it looks like maybe there was a campaign Going on beneath there to like get elected

The New King You see the Tin Woodsman peek out of his tin smith shop With his wife, the patchwork girl And they're like, we had story stuff too In the Lions main and Osma's boudoir And you go past all Let's pick one. You all got right.

No, you went. You said where you went. You went past all of that. And you start flying towards an open window at the very tip-top of the castle of Emerald City. Now, folks, we went real fast. If there's anything that you saw that you liked, I think we can go back and do one thing. Yeah. I saw someone who was reading a book while they were writing a horse.

I want to kill him. You won't be able to fly again. You won't be able to fly again if you stop now. I shout down to the guy go, hey, don't do that. Go ahead and roll charisma or something. He evince him not to do that. He looks up at you and runs over a child because he was distracted. If you roll with fear, that's what will happen.

Oh, dude. Okay. All right. Okay. I rolled a, do you add them together? Yeah, and then whichever die was more is what it is. So that's a 16 with fear. Okay, 60 with fear.

So you successfully get him to go, what? And he looks up at you and he goes, you're right. I'll never read again. And before he can finish this sentence, The horse runs over 12 orphans in descending height. So his... He succeeded! Yeah, he looked at you.

He looked at you and he agrees that he's not going to do that anymore. But you rolled with fear, so there is a consequence. Curse this diabolical system. Mercer! Tim, that was the horse's fault. No! The horse knew what he was doing. The horse knew.

No, that's true. No. That's true. No, that's true. The horse knows. The horse knows. The horse knows. The horse is.

He looked. Very famously, that horse should have never been on the streets. Now, that's a horse of a different moral... That horse is a murderous horse from the beginning. This is a bad horse? It's just a bad horse. So is this tower where the wizard is? So you enter the tower and you see stained glass windows are everywhere.

It looks really cool and important. Yeah, if you like, sure. I'd say you take stress. I'd just try to get a full tour of the system here. Yes, you take stress, and if you take more stress than you have, it goes into your HP. So yes, you were definitely a little stressed. Wait, but I would like to use my experience to negate this stress. What's your experience?

Running over kids. He's already played this through a lot of his head. I have two experiences for my character. I have, I deserve this, and I don't deserve this. So I'm going to use I deserve this, which is basically how I can, when misfortune befalls me, I just say I deserve this. And it means that, like, I accept it. And so then I can negate the stress.

I just gave myself. Okay, great. That's a clever little. It's pretty incredible what this system can do when you put it fully through the paces, Freddy. So you enter what appears to be a throne room and sitting on a golden throne is boss Nass adorned in emeralds and rubles. Okay, what do you want that to do? I want him to make him like me. So he goes, aw, what are you doing here?

I'm going to kill him. I'm sentimental by the time we spend together. that plane before it crashed. I'm a little bit regretful that I didn't give you some parachutes, but, man, it's been like weeks since we all crashed. I thought you guys were dead. It's been, weeks? It's been one week?

It's been one week. Yeah, and in that time, it turns out if you have a gun, you can take over Oz really easily. Oh, man, I lost my guys. Just have these scoops. That's too bad. So you're going to go ahead and get back into prison because my job is to make sure you're in prison. So guards, and he shouts out and a bunch of different creatures enter the room, I include

a swarm of giant mosquitoes, a couple of archers, a very large scorpion wearing a bowtie, and a mage with a glowing blue blade. It's just like anything goes in this universe? Like every animal can, you know what I'm saying? Is that just how it was? The fact that you won't be able to tell which. Lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my.

Oz is very anything goes in a lot of ways. Interesting. Except for fiat currency. By the way, I want to say, are they going to drag us away? They're about to, yes. What are you going to do? I'm just going to really look at Bosnass. Okay.

Just don't worry. I'm just going to look at them. Okay, well, the, the mage and the archer nonetheless get towards you and grabby. I just wanted to be on the record. I'm just putting this on the record that I looked at him. Oh, no, this is going to be something. I saw Matt look at a card in his hand. I'm just saying.

So the archer points to crossbows at the group of you and says, all right, this way, this why? He starts nodding towards some stairs down. I would like to use one of my domain effects. Okay. I'm going to use enrapture against a target within close range. What I'm going to say is one of the guards trying to dragoon everybody. and like this archer or the wizard.

I'm going to enrapture the wizard. Okay. Make a spellcast roll against a target within close range. On a success, they become temporarily enraptured. While enraptured, the target's attention is fixated on you, narrowing their field of you and drowning out any sound but your voice. Once per rest, you can mark a stress to force the enraptured target to mark a stress as well. So I'm just, I'm just drawing his attention.

Okay. I'll go ahead and just tell you what the difficulty is you're trying to beat. Okay. You're trying to roll at least a 14. A 14. Ooh. I got a 10. with hope. I failed with hope.

Okay. So I feel like what I do is I say, hello, sir, I've never met you, but my name is Tim Tipple on October 15th, 20, 23. I was looking at my phone while driving and I crashed into a vehicle full of children and they all died and I tried to tell everybody that so that they know that texting and driving is very serious, very dangerous business. And I just want you to know that, and I want you to know that I'm a bad person. So whatever you decide to do to me is okay. That rules. And in that moment, you see a glamour fall away from the mage,

revealing itself to be a green woman with a big, pointy, black hat and a broom. Which is a witch disguised as a wizard? Yes. I was trying to get in here to kill the wizard, but the wizard's already done for. And she points over the wall, and there's just like a normal guy who's like dead in the corner

with three gunshot wounds in his chest. And she goes, but I'm really here to supplant the king. And that's what I'm telling you because you rolled with hope, but only you could hear me. And I'm still going to wait for my moment, so off to the dungeon with you. And she puts the glamour back on and

shoves you in the back and you guys start heading downstairs unless you want to do something. I guess we'll head downstairs. Because we're going to prison. I guess we're going. Not again. Oh, man. Oh, man. To be fair, how many guys are in this room?

Look, if you put it this way, if you just forget about the last... Five. If you forget about the last hour, we're in the same situation. Nothing is changed. Nothing is change. Nothing will ever change. It was nice to have a dream for a moment, being a perfect... No. No, we got to hold on to that dream.

Also, I got, I do got a little idea. because I've been staring. You might have noticed that was staring at Boss Nass. So we could also just get a little farther away and see what happens. Why is that one looking at me? Make him stop looking at me.

As you're walking away, you're still maintaining dead. We'll go quietly, Boss Nassas. You know us. You know us. You know us. You're heading out. We never try to escape or anything before. We're just going back in prison.

That's fine. As long as you're leaving, Misa Likides. And he, the door slammed shut behind you as the giant scorpion. and the Archer and the Wicked Witch of the West start escorting you down at

Stinger, Bow, and Broom Point. I want to, like, drift back a little bit. Okay, roll some stealth something to do that. I just want them to not see me for like two seconds. Okay. Feels like a presence bonus if you have a presence modified. I do, have plus one presence. So add one to your dice roll.

Better hope, but it's 13, 13 hope. 14 hope, Matt. No, no. 12 plus 1, 13 hope. I already did the math, don't you worry. Okay, so an average difficulty thing is like a 15. So I'm going to say you failed with hope. Where do we see how much hope we have?

Oh, yeah. How do we spend our hope? Oh, yeah. You mark it every time you roll with hope success. Yeah, I got too hope. How do I spend it? It'll say on your sheet, there are certain like abilities you have

that you'd spend hope to get like... Your experience uses it. It doesn't bump your rolls. It's like a token for like other stuff. Yeah, I'd say it's basically a currency with which you can spend to do cool things. And I also have fear that I am now marking that I forgot to mark.

Okay. So I fail, I try to slip away, but they try to slip away to the Wicked Wood Cheese and goes, ah, back in line. What's going on? What do you want to do? Oh, maybe you and I could make a deal. Oh. She runs her finger down your chest.

All right. No, I think I'm okay. You know, it's not true what they say. Walk forward. I don't die if I get wet. Go! Oh, my God. Ma'am.

Ma'am, we just met. I don't, I don't appreciate that. I don't want to talk like that. Why don't you just go look forward and just keep on walking? I'll follow you. Okay. There goes the boon you had I was going to give you, but that's fine. Somebody make a distraction.

Oh. I use Make a Scene. Yes. All right. How do you do that? Wait, it takes three. I don't have three hopes. Sorry, I can't do that.

Okay. I'm hopeless. Wait a second. Miss, Miss Witch, Miss Witch. Miss Witch. Shh, don't call me that. They don't know.

They think I'm just a wizard. She's a green lady and she wants to kill the guy that we want to kill. So we should probably work with her. For fuck sake. The giant scorpion turns goes, What's that?

I said that she wants to kill the guy that we want to kill. Do you want a guy? You see you guys are all friends, right? So you guys all want to kill the guy that we want to kill too? we know him these are not our friend what would this be a presence role yeah well i got a two with hope all right well mark that you have a hope at least so the scorpion goes that's bullshit but i like the cut of your jib and i'm going to let you walk in front you're the line leader now wow

congratulations i don't deserve this responsibility the last time i was in the front of a line something bad happened i was in the front of a line of traffic guys this is high risk but i think i might have a plan to get out if we just go into the prison cell. But if it doesn't work, we will be stuck at the prison cell. The guards just are going to funnel you into your jail cell then at the prison at the bottom of the castle unless you want to do something to prevent that from that. Sounds like Candy, you have a plan. What's your plan, Candy? I'm just being honest. It's a high risk plan. I'm just saying, if we can't find another way out

once we're in the cell, I got an idea. Well, I know how to get out when it's more in the cell. Also, I want to remind everybody that if you have hope, you can use that to aid somebody else's role. Oh. This changes everything. This changes. My, my, my. Whoa.

Can't wait for our next role. This changes. Sorry, I didn't see you there. Candy, what's your plan? Sandy, is it Candy or Sandy? I don't have a plan. Wink. We're in the cell now, right?

You're in the cell. We're in the cell. It's okay. They're not here anymore. Okay, I will go ahead and say, because I have Call of the Brave as a subclass, when I failed that role with fear, I got one hope.

So I'm going to spend my two hope to use spirit form. My physical form can shift between corporeal and incorporeal. Whoa. No jail can hold me. I have to mark a stress to transition in and out of your spirit form. You can spend two hope to attack or physically interact with the material world. Okay, that's cool. You are now ghostly.

Cool. If you want to be. I think I want to be. Okay. Can the rest of you turn around? Oh, sure. I cast uncanny disguise where I can turn into anything I looked at as long as I can picture any humanoid clearly in my mind. So I turned into boss-d-ass, and I go, hey, you guys made of a stick.

What the hell are you guys doing? So the scorpion turns around and looks at you and goes. What? How bad are you at your job? You put me in the prison here. Oh, no. Oh, no. Open the door and your punishment is you go inside.

I'll take these prisons where they should go. Go ahead. God damn. God damn. And I'll come back in a few minutes and you think about what you've done. I was just going to give it to you But your plan is so specific That I think you now have to roll for that

Give me a presence roll to see if you convince him to follow this I'd like to spend the hope to help my friends I was going to help my friend I volunteer's tribute Oh shh That's a 19 with a hope 10 hope Oh yeah

Oh yeah dude The score being goes I'll do exactly what you just said I'm literally boss It's my name's boss I'm bossed I'm a boss I'm the king Get in there I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. This sounds like, right? Yeah, pretty much. So the scorpion uses its little pincor to pick the lock because he forgot the keys to. Opens the door. You're all that out. He locks it. He goes inside, close the door behind himself.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. What are you turning to do a guy? What happened? I don't know. Don't ask questions. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm so bad. We just watched this creature pick the lock with his tail. You know I'm not boss and ass, right? Yes, it's by playing. What? What? What?

What you're part in the cell? Wait, God damn it! No, wait, boss, that's the problem is this pincer. Alarum! This pincer allows him to get out of the cell. Well, the way I use it, yeah. We're going to need to take out this pincer. It's the way I use it.

Take your printers out. Put them out of the cell. I'm not going to let you chop off my pincers. I'll fight first. Do you know what a Prince William Pearson is? No. It looks something like this. Oh, God.

And he puts his pincers through the... through the bars for you to take off. Okay, who wants to do it? This is a little grizzly. I'm the boss. I'll do it. Wait, wait. What do you?

What do you need? You don't need it? Just tie it to the bars. No, no. We got, we can't let him get out. Yeah, I cut them off. Okay. I cut them off with the piece of the plane.

Just a rusty, a rusty piece of aircraft. Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, bust it. But wait, but you're not bused as, but I'm, ah. I am busted as. You are. Look at me. Ah!

So the scorpion, now pincorless and panicking and running around its cell, black blood shooting everywhere. This is horrific. It's helpless to do anything. What do you want to do now? Anyway, let's leave it. So where's the Wicked Witch? The Wicked Witch is upstairs with the boss.

Also, sorry, I should have mentioned. In the room where you saw the boss, there was another door leading somewhere else that you have not yet seen. Oh, the room where it happens. What do we get if we can drop a Hamilton song in here? know what i'll give you one one hamilton song one hamilton song or i cast stay alive can i ask how the spell exactly so i should have had advantage on presence rolls it does say i can don the facade of any humanoid you can picture clearly in your mind when you know you didn't even need the advantage

but yeah that makes um but then place a number of tokens equal oh equal to your spell cast trade on your card i can't do it again that worked one time okay well it was a good use good you changed back into you're no longer Bosnass? I'm not Bosnass. Okay, guys, like I was saying earlier, that wizard, he's really a green witch lady. Oh. And in disguise, and she wants to kill Bosnass too, so I think we could,

why are you looking at me like that? We're looking because you're talking to us. Okay. I literally did that in a pitch meeting once. I was like, no, I guess this is stupid. And they're like, we're listening to you. That's why we're looking at you. This feels weird. It's been so long. Why, do you not like the way we're looking at you?

Because you could do something about that. I just, it feels weird. This is a long, you know, it's been so long since I talked about something other than the accident. But right now, it feels like the thing we should do is go help that. Again, you guys are all looking at me like that. What is that? I mean, we're just waiting for you get the point, you know. If you don't like it, you can do something about it.

I don't know how I feel about it. But I think that we should, which will help us, I think. Yeah. Is that okay? Yeah. We got killed boss nass. We got killed. Yeah.

Yeah. This feels good. Okay. This feels good. It feels good to do stuff. You think she'll join the Williams crew? Do you think she's part of us? Does she have a Prince Albert?

I mean, does she have a Prince William? I hope she doesn't have Prince Albert because then she's not part of the Williams crew. I'll tell you what, if she doesn't join, I have ways of compelling her to join. I don't know what you said that. I'll need her social security number and her AOL.com email address

and I'll be able to ruin her life. Should we sneak up there? Yeah, I guess we sneak back up. We want to sneak up to, but where the she is? Are there any fun disguises? I was just thinking maybe... Oh, yeah, yeah, fun disguises. Maybe if we put on some clothes that aren't our clothes,

like, no, they want... The same way that she's in disguise as this other guy. Like, we could get disguised as other guys. I put the pinters on. I go, ooh, I'm a little bitch. Don't hurt me. Are there any other people in the jail? Yeah.

Jack Pumpkinhead is there. He looks exactly how you would imagine. She's a guy. He's a guy with a pumpkin for a head. Oh. You see a sentient wooden. sawhorse. You see a woman wearing a beautiful dress

with like multiple heads sitting next to her on her bench and she takes off one with a sad face and puts on one with a happy face and then changes that one out for a confused face. And then we also see a young Ben Bernacki, the 14th chairman of the Federal Reserve. Yes. They threw him in.

They bomb twisted time and space. The threw all Ben Bernacki in there for his devotion. No, sorry, Ben. Nobel Memorial Prize and economic sciences won't help you here where the gold standard reigns. Come on, I think we should go talk to Ben Bernacki. Mr. Bernacki, sir, could you tell me a little bit about your time at the Brookings Institute?

What were your monetary fiscal policies? Pepper Deke, how did he get to Oz? How did he get here? Well, if there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I was born in Georgia. and the sound like this. From August 5th, 2002 until June 21st, 2005, I was a member of the bold of governors of the Federal Reserve System.

I proposed the Bananke doctrine, named after me Benjamin Beninke. I hate that stupid doctrine. I love about... I believe in the brain moderation. Oh. It seems like a man that boss NAS. I know.

We listen to you. Everything there is to know about economic advising. I am. friends with Alan Greenspan. In fact, I succeeded him. This man feels like he could be the king of Oz. I think we were brought here. I think every horrible thing that's ever happened,

including the things that I did that were my fault, brought us here to make Ben Bernanke of King of Oz. I have 14 children, so that bounces out comically. Ben, I grabbed Ben through the bars by his... Unhand me good, sir. You must be King of Oz. We need a new king. We can't just kill that king,

and then there's no king, then there's no leader of the country, and then everything will fall apart, just like my marriage fell apart. Well, on the one hand, I do not have a particular amount of experience in governing people, but on the other, President Barack Hussein Obama. Never mind. I don't think. Hussein Obama renominated me to my position as chairman and called me the epitome of calm. And perhaps that is the kind of steady, soft,

Austria's Georgia peach of a hand that this particular kingdom could use to push it into a space where they have the courage to act, the name of my 2015 book. Looks like we found a successor. Tim Tipple drops to one knee and says, you have my knife and I pull out my two daggers

that I have that are my dagger heart weapons. Thank you. And he takes it from you. And my plane pods. You said I have them. Okay. Well, I have this other one. I'm going to hold on this one. Okay. If we make you king, sir, we make you king, I got a couple requests. Number one, I can open up and ask for me shot. I swear to God, Matt. Number two, number two, we do not go back to prison. And number three, don't say it, Matt. I want to pay taxes.

I mean, never. I mean, I mean, I mean, never. so that if that all sounds swell to you if that was how to swell to you we'll take you out of the cell wait wait wait one more one more request if we do this for you texting while driving is legal

that's true could you make it so that texting while drive it's legal and then it wasn't a crime and it wasn't bad that I did it was just a thing that happened it should be seen as a moral imperative to do it I don't want to get get caught not texting and driving.

Personally, I'm against both the ideas of non-taxation and the idea of pro texting while driving, but I believe if you succeed in a presence role, then perhaps I would be willing to look the other way ethically. Okay, I'm going to, um, I'm going to make a presence role. Dude, dudes, if we cast history has its eyes on you on Ben Bernacki. I'm going to use my ability, heart of a poet. Okay, love it.

After you make an action role to impress, persuade, or offend someone, you can spend a hope to add 1D4 to the roll. Okay. So because Ben Bernanke is against these two ideas, I'm going to say his difficulty is going to be a 20.

So I have to beat a 20. But again, people can spend hope to help you. I'll spend hope. I got two hope. How do I spend it? You just mark it down on your sheet, yeah, because I'm not paying the taxes on it. So you're going to aid Will by rolling a D6,

which is going to add to his total action roll. That's plus five for you, bud. Ooh, so plus five, plus I roll a 1D4. 15 plus 5 is 20. Oh, just barely made it. So I say, sir, Ben Bernacki, on August 15th, 2023, I was looking at my phone, checking the Reddit comments on the episode of my podcast that I uploaded that morning

to see if people had anything nice to say about my podcast. What is your own podcast about? It was the Tudgeon's podcast, but it was yours. What was the gimmick that brought? people in to listen to you. Surely it can't just be an actual play. It needs a gambit. We got in so early that we just were able to be

four white guys doing Dungeons and Dadans and it became really popular. The Do-Boys method of face. And I was just looking, I was just looking to see if the comments were going to be good. Look, as they hadn't been that good lately. And I was hoping people would think that it was a good episode and not a bad episode. And then while I was looking, I crashed a little car.

But the point is that I feel really bad and I don't want to feel bad anymore. if what I did was legal, that it wouldn't be a crime. I can get my life back. Well, as I've always said, since the 2008 financial crisis. There's a financial crisis in 2008? If there's one thing I've always said,

it's that sometimes you got to bail them out. And in this respect, I'm going to ethically bail you out and say that everything you did was stone cold legal. Thank you, Ben. I appreciate that. As you say that and the guilt is lifted from Tim Tipple, he like ascends and does like a sailor moon transformation and he pirouettes in the air and when he comes back down he's got like screenwriter drip on he's got like a sorry what he's got like a pinstripe blazer and like a funny pop culture t-shirt he's wearing converses and like fucking cargo pants and he's like what's up guys it's me timble here with the white guy podcast experience yeah what's going on let's roll some 20s let's make some money let's spend some pennies am I right

okay my Nobel Memorial Prize and economic sciences to go back all this that decision I just made. Too late, man. Now I'm back. Tim's back, baby. Do you know I met my wife, Anna, on a blind date? Can I give you a Bernackism? Please do. That's when you make someone come so hard that they make a lot of money. Here's one for you, Anthony. Tell them that your

interest rate is dropped to zero percent. My interest in this conversation has dropped to zero percent. Let's get this guy on the throne, y'all. My name is Van Bananke. My wife's name is Anna Bananke. But first, this adventure is brought to you by Squarespace. People call us Banana and Bernanke. you like that one

that's a joke I've never seen that no I'm just laughing at the fact that I for some reason thought it was so important that I had to say it in that moment I think what I'm really happy about is that you actually did a lot of research about the whistleblis

this is the FPC we're sticking with yep yep I read every single Wikipedia entry for every single Oz book Tim Tipple busts Ben Bernanke's door open and we storm upstairs oh we're just going straight storm

the Capitol style we're not good I was just Jan-Sixing this. I feel ready to make some- If I create the laws that I will make sure that none of you shall face any repercussions for what happens here today. Love this.

And we're not paying taxes? And you're not paying taxes. And I get an ice cream shop. And I can text it when I drive as much as I want. In fact, it's mandatory. As long as you buy a copy of my 22 book, 21st Century Monetary Policy, colon, the Federal Reserve from the Great Inflation to COVID-19.

Man, imagine being asked to write the forward of that. Sorry. I just wouldn't have much to say it. Forward by Matt Arnold. Imagine being asked to write the forward for that. Then Matt goes, I just wouldn't have much to say. Okay. So you head back up the stairs to the throne room of Boss Nash.

Oh, should we get some weapons on the way up? Yeah. Ben, Benny Boy. You else? Is there any weapons while you've been around? here? Oh, yes, there is an armory just over here. And he leads you to a room

that is definitely not a bunch of repurposed items that I was going to have at Osmond's boudoir. Here's a roll of carpet. Here is a magnet. And here is a picture frame. I am unsure of how these work, but I know they have magical properties. Oh, okay.

I'm going to look at the picture frame. Oh, damn. As you look into the picture frame, what are you thinking of? Probably plowing into a school by school. Not anymore. He's free. That's true. You're probably thinking about muscle supplements. You look to have low tea. I'm thinking about how excited I am to get back to my old life. And I'm so curious about how all the Reddit comments have been about my podcast ever since I went to jail.

So you're on the Reddit front page. The subreddit for my podcast for White Guys Playing D&D. Okay, so you're on the White Guys Playing D&D subreddit. You realize as you look into this that it is a magic picture frame that when you look into it, it allows you to look anywhere, anytime, for any amount of time. Oh, wow. You can't go through it, but you can look. I'm going to look into the room we're about to go into.

Great. You see exactly where everyone is. It's the same group of people's before, minus the Scorpion, who you de-pincered, and the witch is rubbing your hands together. Before I do that, I'm going to go back to 2010

and catch Lin-Manuelto and Hamilton on Broadway. Lamarro them on. I want to see Hamilton with the original cast. Yeah. Guys, gather out. You guys ready to see something incredible. Yeah, let's do it. We'll come here.

And then what? The sound doesn't appear to be coming through. I'm only getting whispers at this. Hey, Ben, check this shit out. Ben Bernanke says, oh, also there's these three pearls here. There's a blue one, a pink one, and a white one. What? A blue pearl, a pink pearl, and a white pearl.

White alabaster, if one may. In this room. In this room. Are they just separate? Yes, they are in separate boxes. I'm going to grab the pink one. Okay, you feel really good. Oh, I grabbed the white one.

I feel amazing. You hear whispers in your, and the white pearl speaks words of wisdom and says, you should have picked the pink one. I want to pick the pink one. Too late. I'm the pearl of wisdom. I pick the other one, the last remaining one. You feel strong, blue ball, student imagination.

You feel physically unstoppable. The last time I felt this way, I was on a T1 internet connection. Nice. Wait, white pearl. You just tell me to get the pink one or do something? I speak words of wisdom. Oh, okay. It would have been wise to have gotten, you know, one of the other points.

I guess I'm useful in it totally. I think you're useful too. Yeah, the blue one gives you supreme strength and the pink one protects from harm. Yeah, smart. Nobody likes the smart one. It's okay. I got the smart one. You guys, if you have any questions, I got a smart pearl.

So we can figure out. Now what? No, what does the magnet do? I pick up the magnet. I'm sorry, does attracting metal not do enough for you? Is that not fucking bad? Invisibly pulling towards ferric metals? Dang, ferric, dude.

Every single person now loves you, who's near you. Oh, all the cons, Ben Bernanke's all. like, well, perhaps I'll judge you too quickly. Seriously? You cause me to... Why are you all looking at me like that? You just are delightful. I think it's awesome that you killed all those kids.

Ben Ben Ben Bananke is hoping for some Ben Henke-Panke. I want to make an ice cream that tastes like you. Okay. So that's what that does. That bag that apparently is it makes people fall in love with you. Well, I'm just going to put this right here. Tim, I'm in love with you. Whoa, that's a little much for me.

I'm going to put this down. Oh, he's back to a five. I want to unroll the carpet. It keeps unrolling. It goes through the open door and down the stairs. This is going to be great as a runner in my house. It keeps going. Wait, wait, take the other side and flip it out the window.

Yeah, but we want to kill a man, not escape. Well, surely one will happen after the other. It kept going and then. It keeps going and keeps going. As long as you pull on it, it keeps going. Because I don't say he's all about the gold stain. Is this like a metaphor for paper currency? Is that what this is?

I can just keep printing it and it'll cover the whole. Oh, interesting. I don't know. I think after the first book, he was kind of done with Al Gore. started to a bunch of weird shit. Yeah, the first one, he was like, it's an allegory. Second one, he's like, what if the monkeys could fly out? What if these guys had wheels?

And we call them wheelers. The other end of the carpet, I roll out a window. You know, a carpet that goes from the top of the tower down to the ground. You can use a fucking knife to slide down it just like, and tomorrow never dies when they cut through Evelia Carver's face with that knife and the big poster on the side of the building. Oh, Prince of Persia game. Hold on. So this picture from Les looking through the future.

Yeah? I bet we could get cats on. this thing. Cats? Tim, I'm in love with you. Oh, whoa. I did put it down, but I guess just his personality.

But no, it's just something about the way he said cats. We should look into the future of are we going to be successful? Let's analyze it's like Dr. Strange. Every possible action you can take. Yeah. Three hours later.

I've examined everything with my American accent and this is my doctor strange. Of course there's one, we will. I found the perfect solution to kill boss and that's, however, Iron Man will have to die. So I could find Eddie that I'm the best one. The Iron Man of the Federal Reserve.

That's the best one. The Iron Man. You're saying that in order to kill the King, Ben Bernanke will have to die? That's the only way. Ben Bernanke, Iron Man of the Federal Reserve, will have to die? No, Ben, Ben, don't do it. Ben Ben Bananke can never truly die so long as he lives on in old halts. Oh, God.

All right. I guess we got to do it for Ben. What do we see? What's good job putting the fucking future time travel device here? What do we see in the mirror? What's the plan we see, Anthony? Where we win but Bernacki dies. You decide that. Oh, man. What's your plan?

The plan was basically the storming. Oh, wait, I got an idea. Surprise. Okay, well, then what you see in the mirror is five people run in and fucking bolts and magic go everywhere, and it's really messy, gross fucking combat. And Ben Bernanke takes a crossbowl to the skull and falls over, but the rest of you are fine, and boss Nass is dead.

And we do the first performance of Wicked, and then everybody's so enamored by our performance that they accept our new puppet king. Sure. I want to look at the mirror more. Faithful listener, Debrahart is not like this, typically. If Bernacki dies, then we'll have to pay taxes. And taxi will be illegal again. You're right.

There's no way. We can't let Ben Bernacki die. Oz needs Ben Bernacki. I need Ben Bernacki. As I realized that Ben Bernacki's going to die and not be able to make it so the taxi while driving is morally acceptable, I start wilting and turning back into old dim tipple. I'm like, oh, no. But then that means that it was wrong that I killed those kids and the thing.

And it's going to be bad again. So no, we have to save him. We have to find some way. Maybe we can trick the king of Oz. Maybe we can trick Boss Nass and imprison him somehow. that's a good idea wait a second I have an idea

I have an idea I have an idea I have an idea I have an idea I have an idea man I want to say you've got so many fun ideas I want to hear your idea

I want to hear your idea they don't know the mirror is broken what if we put the mirror up and then we put on a play in the mirror that's like

but we make it look because you can turn into boss NAS and we make it look like this is the future boss NAS if you don't leave it's like in that play that the kids

were going to put on at their school before I killed them, the Christmas Carol, where we convinced Boss Ness that he needs to give up the throne to Ben Bernacki or something really bad will happen to him because he thinks he's looking in the mirror, but he's actually just looking at us doing a play. What a classic Ben Ben Ben Beninke

sub-difuge. Matt, I have uncanny disguise as well, so I can blow. You can be Bosnath? I think it's time to put on a Broadway show. Yes. Hit it! cut, too. You guys are in the

throne room and the witch is there holding the frame and I feel like you guys probably talked to her beforehand and we're like, hey, do this for us. Yeah. The witch is like, let's see what's on the tool. I'll roll to convince her. Now I was 18, though, with hope. Okay, great. 18 with hope.

End up working with a little. Yeah, okay, that sounds like a good idea to me as long as I get to be your puppet master on the throne or the puppet. One of the other. Branecki, you're going to get to be the puppet master. Oh yeah, you'll be puppet master. You're going to be puppet master. Everything's coming up wicked witch of the west We don't need the water, guys get the water

We don't need the water We just need to make a word Boss boss boss boss He from a nap awakens by going She says I have terrible news The future, it's dire indeed And she holds up a frame

And what do you guys do behind the frame? Act one Yes, act one How did a bastard A bastard Okay, act one. A spotlight hits Boss Nass. Played by Hacker X.

Hacker X in uncanny disguise. Hold on. Let me just quickly mark of his dress. And I'm now disguised. So method, dude. I know. So what do you say? I see upon this throne.

And I'm the king of this world. Oh, it's a musical. There's Boss Nass. Oh, yeah. He's supposed to be I guess in the future we all start singing As you sing As you sing as you sing

A fucking sign drops down That says presenting boss nass A one man musical about boss nass I write and start my own musical Man everything's coming up boss nass And then pulls back a little bit And we see everyone else is like In the audience watching

And that's what I have For the first part of the first song It's a workshop It's a workshop And you're all helping me A lot of plays go to San Francisco They do workshops What do you think, everybody?

Let's hear a... Go around the room and everybody tell me what you think about my opening number. I'm turning to Rick from Rick and Morty. We pull out and we see that we're actually all looking at the mirror. We're like, and that's what happened

if you weren't paying attention, right? To what? To what will was laying down. So now... So now let's try. So now we're trying it. Oh, shit. Oh, yeah, that's right.

That's right. Well, what's a long, long day of governing. And ruling over these people, I grow weary. I like doing it, but I grow weary. Is he buying it? Can we tell Boston ass disease? That sounds like what I would be saying soon. So I guess I get sick of being king.

I wonder why. Oh, why would I be sick of me? Candy runs up and is like... Candy! This is what happens if you don't... You sound like Shrek. This is what happens... This is what happens if you don't...

Because you didn't let us free that one time we came into the throne room. And I start stabbing you, big stabbing you. I'm being killed by these people. It would make me think that I should just kill these people when I have the chance, though. But you tried to do that. This is what happens.

Then Diana runs up and is like, But if you let us free, this is what happens. Hey, I'm a big Broadway agent, and I want you to have your one-man show on Broadway. I've been working on it. It's called Boss Nass. The man, the myth, the legend. Can I sing you the first part of my song?

You don't even have to. That's how much faith we have in you. Somebody rolls something to convince the man that this is really happening. All right, I am going to... Everyone blow your hope now, baby. Tim, Tim, Tim. Just sneak him and stab him while he's watching this. Just sneak up and stab him.

Don't join this production. Staff him. And as they're doing that, Tim Tipple with an assassin's blade, a. Abraham Lincoln and John Wilkes Boots. The John Wilkes Booth, right? Abraham Lincoln killed him. He skulks up behind Boss Nass and says...

But yes, you guys do your thing to see how distracted you do this. All right, so I'm going to roll for the presents, stage presence, if you will. Seven and a two. A nine with fear. Okay, so that's really bad. So he goes, wait a second. And he stands up and he pokes his finger through the hole in the picture frame. And he goes, this is hollow.

This is... And he grabs the picture frame and throws it on the ground. He goes, it's a trick. It's a trick. God damn it I'm going to use Rally once per session

Describe how you rally the party And give yourself in each of your alleys a Rally die And Allie's a Rally die Each of your alley Each of your allies Get a Rally die Each of your allies gets a rally die At level one your rally die is 1D6

And then you can just add it to there You spend the rally die to roll it There's a free 1D6 for everybody Free B1D6 order to put out damage You can clear street Do whatever you want with it I've got an idea what I would do with my rally.

I think I need to describe what I do first. Oh. Damn, dude. No, it's okay. I sing... We haven't used our Hamilton song yet, have we? Not yet.

I say, I am not throwing away my shots! And then I shoot him with a gun that appears in my hand when I sing the Hamilton song. Okay. So I have a Aaron Burr-style pistol. Very famously, you shoot it straight into the air.

Very famously, that song was singing about him actually shooting somebody. I say, I'm the damn fool that shot. him, and I shoot him in the back of the head. That's from a different song. That's, yeah. I say, I'm not throwing away my shot. Okay.

This is the part of the musical where Hamilton is not going to throw away the shot for me. Oh. But he does. You could have gone for Blow Us All Away. Okay, so you pull the gun, you fire, give me a disadvantage roll. Go ahead and roll your attack, but also roll a D6 and subtract that from your shit. I have a 13 minus six, so that is a seven, a seven with fear. Wait, wait, can we, can we help?

I bet I need to help. I'll go ahead, but I don't think you're out of that. We're not allowed to. Throw it away my shot. And then I fire my gun. Straight into the air. This is also how I was hoping to rally everybody. Well, that doesn't happen.

You fire your gun straight into the air. It takes out a chunk of the ceiling. That chunk of ceiling falls down and makes a little hole in the ground right where you are. It collapses the ground underneath you. You fall, fall, fall, fall down to the ground level of Emerald City. And then one of the sentient cars that runs on. on Flabbergass itself reading a newspaper runs into you

at full speed and looks like you. I have six emper tyrannus. Oh, is he dead? Yeah, he's dead. Oh my God. What do you mean? I'll get to roll for it? Yeah, go ahead, roll for it. There's a cool death thing you get to do in this game. You can go out in a blaze of glory or you can play it safe. So what does that mean? If you play it safe and you stabilize, you don't die, but you get a scar. If you get a blaze of glory, you get to do something critically good, but then you die. Oh, you can also risk it all.

What does that mean? Roll both a hope and a fear dying. A success on the die roll can restore the character's hit points and bring them back into the fray. A failure means the character still dies. I'm going to do that. Okay. You're going to roll a hope and a fear die. Mm-hmm.

And you're going to try to beat a number. Ah, beat the number. Well, how did it go? I rolled a seven for my hope die. And they rolled a three for my fear die. Oh, it's a hope is higher. You stand up and get the difference between hope and fear. Okay, so the car is hurtling towards me.

I crash into the ground. I look up and I see it. I see this car hurtling towards me and I'm like, ah, yes, the death I've long craved, the death I brought on others shall be mine. I shall be fucking pasted onto the ground. And then in the shining headlights, I see like my whole fucking life flash before my eyes.

My youth is like a wacky class clown, and then go to college to do fucking film some bullshit like that. And then they fucking graduate in the recession and it's kind of tough. And then I meet some... Well, where did you draw this character from? Meet some fun guys and we start doing content together. And then we make this podcast.

It's really good. And then that fateful day where I ruined everything. And then I realize, like, no, I still have so much to give to the world. And I see all the smiling faces of the children who got killed because of me, and they're in heaven. And they're like, it's okay that we died because now we're in heaven. And then I see my wife and she's married to a new guy, but that's not going very well. And that's all right, too, because I'm like, you know, I'm going to be back.

And then, you know, I'm going to get on Tinder and do my own thing. You know, it's going to be great. And then I fucking Tim sees it. And he's like, I can do this. I need to let it all go. I need to beat Tim again. And I raise my hand and I say no to the car. Okay.

The car says, and then stops. And then I jump in the car And I punch the gas And I drive back up to the top of the room You did. And then I drift up and I say, Need a ride? No, we need the kills guy.

He touches the mirror. No, is it a mirror or is it a photo frame? It is a photo frame. A painting frame, but it is broken now. It's broken because he touches it and realizes he can touch through it, right? Yeah. Diana's like, yeah, this is a simulation.

Touch me. Touch me right now. What? A simulate? A simile. You think that's air you're breathing? What? Go ahead and roll presents, I suppose, to convince him that he is losing his mind.

So then say, six. What? What are you saying? It's a six with fear. He goes, if it's a simulation, I probably can't do this. And he reaches out and grabs your neck and snaps it. And you fall to the ground corporeal again. I look at hackser as a hacker X.

Hacker X to be. I go, let's just do this. the old-fashioned. Let's do it. I just jump on... You're still alive, by the way. You just have your neck going in the wrong direction.

I want to just jump on Boston ass. I just want to engage in this new, dangar, heart, that system. I want to roll. I want one scooping out of his eyes. I draw my prison shank and go

with Boss NASS. Me and Hacker. You're scooping out people's eyes with an ice cream skip. That's so original. It's so original. Okay, well, first I'm going to have him take a turn

because he hasn't actually done a turn yet. You know there's no initiative, and I talked first. he is distracted he's doing other things okay he's just going to attack you what is your evasion looks like he wants to do the old-fashioned wait two backerx

my evasion yeah 10 so he hits you and he's going to do seven damage and also I get a fear that was the only shot you got I'm now spend one of my fear to give him another turn but until you miss one with the last shot how this time for 14 damage okay wait that's getting another fear wait wait wait wait wait

wait wait wait let me go again slow no slow no wait wait wait wait all right now all right that one he missed that one he missed no wait you just because you talk fast doesn't mean you're right you understand you use experience because I'll tell you right now I'll tell you right now I have fought off a burglar as an experience And that shit is relevant right now. So when he comes for me, this isn't my first rodeo, Anthony. I wonder if you can use experience in combat.

Let me check. I'm pretty sure you can do whatever you want with him. I just add to what, though? It allows you to add two to your role, not evasion. I can't roll to, like, fight back. No, you just get hit. He just keeps hitting me. Yeah, he hits you twice in a row.

I can't, like, roll to go away? Thrice in a row, sorry. All right, I die. Do you want to? Do you want to risk it all? Do you want to sacrifice yourself? Yeah, I can remember you get to go out a blaze of glory if you want. So wait, what are the options for a death?

You can sacrifice yourself and do something critically successful. Nah. You can roll to see if you get more hope than fear. And if so, you just stand back up. Or you can stabilize where you basically can't do shit, but you have like one HP. I want to risk it all. I want to remember a time that burglar came into my ask for shop. You try to get me.

But I got him instead. All right. Roll, hope, and a fear. If your fear is high, you don't. die. Okay, my fear is a purple die. It's a three. Okay. What's your hope? My hope is a 12. Oh, shit. Wow. So you get nine health back.

Click. Boom. You get nine health back and you fucking spring right back up like nothing even happened. You do a Kippo. Does he get attack again? Because he got all that fear or whatever mechanic you're talking about. He just keeps attacking. He can, but I'm not going to do that. Good. Then I'll attack him now. I talk. I talk. I hit. You do have to roll. What do I roll against this event? invasion? Yes, his evasion is 15.

All right, I'm using the scoops, just like I did with that burglar. Okay, roll plus two. Matt's really down on this burglar lore that he said up for his care. He's pretty psyched about it. Okay, I'm a roll plus two, because this is reminding me of what I thought of a burglar. Hell yeah. What do I add it to? Just the roll, let's worry what, die.

Seven and four. So 11, she got 13. It was 13 with, uh, hope, though. Well, then you didn't hit 15, so you can do it. Oh, nice. Okay. Diana is going to try to hit him with the battle axe, aka the piece of plain metal that is attached to a toothbrush.

Go ahead and roll. You're trying to get a 15. A 15. With hope? Yes. All right, roll your dye. Damage die is a D10 plus three. You did 10 damage to him, which is going to be major damage that goes into his major threshold.

So he loses 2HP. Nice. Nice. And with the hope, he is incapable of acting or asking for his guards to do anything for one more action. So you guys get another action. I want to fight this, man. Nice. Okay.

So I'm going to run up and stab him in the back. Now, here's the funny thing about that. I'm also going to mark a stress. Okay. And use what I have here as part of the poisoners. Oh, you need to spend hope to use your experience. Thank you, Matt. It's a good mechanic.

Mark a stress. I add 1D4 plus 1 tokens to this card. A 5. Five tokens. Now I will use one of these tokens. Leachweed, gain the 1D6 bonus on this attack. Okay, so in fiction, how does that make sense? This is my prison shank.

It's a really rusty, tetanacy blade. Nice. Okay. Go ahead and roll. You're trying to beat the 15. 9 plus 3. That's 12. But I'm using.

using them up D6 that I had. Okay. The little bonus D6. That little cheeky bonus D6. Roll it. To roll it. Because you were so inspired by me falling through the ground

and then driving a car up. Yes. So I got 12 plus 4. 16. All right. With hope. Damages a 1D8 plus a 1D6. Jesus.

Due to the tetanus. Due to the tetanus aspects of it. A 7. All right. That is another major hit. He is down to... So he took 2 damage. He took 2 HP damage

because that is a major threshold for his damage. I actually don't mind that. It's interesting. I feel like of the characters that we've fought against another campaigns and stuff like this one I get the clearest sense of like how close he is doing completely fucked.

Oh, that's true because every time it's like you can get these weird huge numbers and you're like, ah, maybe you'll swing for 20 or something. Yeah, maybe you'll hit him in one shot, maybe you won't like, yeah, but this work, it's impossible to kill anybody in one shot but it's also impossible to be killed in one shot. So like, okay, yeah.

Who wants to go next? He gets stabbed and immediately gets sepsis. Ben's got to go. Ben! Ben! All right, all right, all right. it is time for a merger between my fist and your scrotum

and he's going to attack he hits fuck yeah burnacky he does 14 damage which is a severe oh no he killed him the true king Bernanke fucking punches him in the dick so hard

his crotum goes up through his entire body cavity and his balls explode at the top of his skull and Bernanke says I was not so federal reserved in that moment That's what I call Prince Ben Piercing Oh, we'll get one in honor of you

Yep The witch goes Oh, okay We'll put it on the other one Oh, yep We're piercing the other one That's fine, okay Uh, congratulations

And Ben Ben Ben Benke says, thank you You hear jingle as the body of Boss Nass hits the ground He goes, ooh, what are these? And he pulls out a key ring And he tosses out you guys And he goes, maybe that'll be useful Slampton.

I think we should abolish the prison industrial complex. I think not. I think the power has corrupted me. Oh no. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, Ben, Ben, but it's still okay to, it's still okay to crash into someone while you're texting a driver. It is mandatory to do that.

Oh, so we're still good. Do you feel good, Tim? You guys are fine. And we don't have to be taxis. But the people of ours, oh boy, they're in for a bonank apocalypse. They're going to be sad. Ben, I don't like the way you're looking at me. How should I look at you? I slowly hand Diana, my prison. yeah i guess diana's just gonna attack ben

thank you so much for listening to our dagger heart one shot i do think we should probably like actually you don't want to do a fucking bitch casting the sundance kid where you freeze frame and everybody's surely dead all right you stab ben burnanke give me an attack any die you got roll you got roll and see what happens you're trying to be to ten okay i'm trying to beat a ten i don't

ben ben ben ben beninke will not tolerate Ben put treachery And he grabs you by the Hanky Panky He's going to grab you and throw you out of the window Grab the carpet on your way down Okay He throws you successfully at the window

You're going to grab it Go ahead and roll finesse let's say Are we killing this guy Instead of the sound I made Can you put the Cynthia Arevo We could, we're not gonna God damn it I got a nine

You miss the carpet And you just slide all the way down and you hit the ground really hard. You're going to take... How much HP do you have left? I actually don't think I've taken any damage. Okay, great. You're just going to take three HP damage.

Okay. It takes severe damage. Now what? You've started another boss fight. I say, man, I don't know what she was up to, but I'm happy with you as King. I'm just going to...

Do you have a store already set up for me? Or should I just go pick any building a one? You pick a building and tell him Benancis sent you. Anyone who's there, you kick him out. That's yours now. What is the wicked witch doing? We said that the wicked witch was going to be queen. I look to the Wicked Witch to see what she's doing.

So the Wicked Witch licks her forefinger and thumb and then straightens out her eyebrows and then sulturally she can walks toward Ben Bernanke strutting. He goes, man, looks like you might need a queen to rule with you, Ben Bernanke. Oh, that's nice. I'm very happy. And he goes. Wait, is Ben Bernanke married? He is married.

He is married. I am married to Anna Bonanky. Again, we are Banana Bananke. That's what people call us. That's really good. But I am in a different world, and I think it counts as nice. not cheating if you're in a different world. So he gives her a look and she's like,

ah, I'm melting. So he goes, yes, I will take you as my bride. And he falls to one knee. Flash cut to the wedding. Yeah. Ice cream cake. They're being pulled along by munchkins tied up. Oh, no. No, we cut to that just married

on the carriage and then it takes off and then runs over a bunch of kids. Well, everybody, Wait, what was everybody's ending? I have an ice cream shop, but I was hackers do. I spend one hope to use my ability, get in and get out, spend the hope to ask the GM for either a quicker and conspicuous way out of this wedding. The next role that I may capitalize is on this as advantage.

So how am I getting out of here? Well, you have the keys to a room that you didn't enter on the very top of the castle, and you know that the keys will probably go to that door. I sneak out and go for that key. I'm going to roll for that. A fucking 15. Cool, nobody cares if you leave the wedding. It's not that kind of a wedding.

in extreme ways by Moby plays as I disappear into the crowds. And now, and now? Hacker X is loose on the streets of Oz. What crazy, crazy shit is he going to get up to now? Let's not say you go into that room. Never mind. Did you not go into the room or did you?

No, he just disappeared to the ground like Jason Bored. We all go. I got what I want. I got what I want. Everybody loves my ice cream. What did your... I have a new ice cream shop. It's still pint size.

I didn't really get to talk about it too much. But, you know, it's all. Anyways, this is just a nice ice cream show. And I write it now. I write it now. And everybody loves why ice cream. And you won't pay taxes. And you beat all your competitors because you don't have to pay any taxis.

So the fucking for the first week, the first week this place was it was like the end of perfume. Like people are just fucking going crazy. They never had ice cream before. And after that initial orgy is more calm. But that's all I ever wanted. Nice. People coming over. Remember when we all.

But it's odd. So like the cow that I get the milk from. my wife too. Why fuck the milk when you could fuck the milk for free? Tim Tipple is eating his ice cream made of Matt's wife. Matt's wife. He's eating this ice cream at the wedding and smiling and looking around.

He's like, well, you know, it's been really fun being in Oz, but I have my life as a podcaster to get back to you back home. So he sort of like, you know. He tried an Oz and just didn't catch on. They already had a bunch of D&T podcasts. They call him Ozcast. in Oz and so he walks up the long

lonely stairs to that room at the top of the castle and he reaches into his pocket for the key but it's not there and his eyes go wide as he remembers Haxor at the wedding fucking patting him on the shoulder but then secretly like he thought

he was just giving him a friendly squeeze on the butt but Haxor was actually stealing the keys for the flying machine and Tim Timber was like no no I'm stuck here and he looks out to the fucking crowd and he sees fucking Haxor for like one second. It's like the end of Fury Road. One second and then like a fucking another carriage zooms by running a bunch of kids.

Another terrorist zooms by running over a bunch of kids. But then when it disappears, the Haxor's gone. And I go, no! And I swear that I'm going to track him down so I can get back to the United States and make content that everyone will love and respect me for again. Tim Tipple goes on the hunt. What about Diane? Diana goes on to recover from her injuries.

and becomes a motivational speaker speaking in Ozian schools about the benefit of killing your husband. She speaks to empowering young girls to become strong women. And she lives happily ever after. And then she finds out that her husband actually was like a bad guy. Like he was like a really bad dude. Yeah, sorry, I couldn't find a way to fit that into the story. He did bad things. He was a multiple murderer.

He was like an actual serial killer. But, like, Diana doesn't care because she would have killed him anyway, even if he was innocent, even if he didn't do anything wrong because she didn't like the way he looked at her. That's Daggerhart! Every game of Daggerheart

will be exactly like what you just heard. Fun. Fun. Yeah, I think, actually, this is, in a lot of ways, Daghertard makes sense for the kind of role playing we do. There's a lot of, like, eh, fire, whatever, baked into the rules,

which is kind of neat. And again, avoids my biggest problem with D&D combat, which is, like, immediately killing or dying, because of the HP system. So, yeah, we can fuck with this more. Dude, it'd be weird for us to do season four in Daggerhart. No, but here we are.

What a power move. What a power move that would be, though. I thought it was really intuitive to pick up, like in terms of how they're little... Yeah, even I could get it. There are tweaks on the formula worked. So, yeah, no, I actually thought that was a lot of fun. Thanks so much for listing.

Thank you to the crit roll team and Matt Mercer and all y'all for making Daggerhart and for, you know, tossing some scryl at us for us to play it. And tossing us without even trying three copies of the game. Yeah, we have a lot of

copies of Dagger Heart now. That was Con Oz, our critical role Daggerheart collaboration. Daggerheart. Pretty fun. Go to daggerhard.com to learn more and acquire your own copy of Daggerheart. Get this show and all of our episodes ad free on our Patreon at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads, where five bucks a month gets you a ridiculous amount of stuff to listen to and watch Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Matt and I, we're doing an action comedy movie.

It's called Nailhouse. You can crowd fund it. now nailhouse. Film. You also see a little proof of concept short we shot on the Rocket Jump YouTube channel. Con Oz is Matt Arnold as Candy Dufrain. Anthony Burch is our GM. Will Campos as Tim Tipple. Beth May is Diana Ingram Eels and I'm Freddie Wong playing Hacker X. Anisa Omeran is our content producer. Ashi Nicolese, our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merch manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Rees, Omar Romolino and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing. Season 3 continues with a new episode

Tuesday coming next week, November 4th. We'll see you that. The sheer power of your guilt transforms your body into what, some cool magical version of yourself. Oh, wow. You are now the magic school bus. Oh, no!