Dungeons and Daddies - [BONUS] Oceans Dad-leven: Not a BDSM Sourcebook One Shot

Episode Date: August 4, 2026

The Dads tackle a one shot from our brand new sourcebook!This episode contains Profanity, Violence, and Sexual Content.Do you want to play Oceans Dad-leven yourself? Or just want more deep Dad lore? Our crowdfund campaign for our sourcebook is still going strong.Go to bookmedaddy.com to pledge and get your hands on a sourcebook and many other cool pledge perks.✨ Master the mysterious art of Daddy Magic and 30+ incredibly useful spells like Skip Therapy and Speak Japanese.🚐 Customize your own minivan. You CAN use it in combat. We strongly advise against this.🍔 Visit fully franchised Bull-E-Wugs locations and uncover secret Bull-E-Wugs-branded secrets.🗺️ Travel through exotic fantasy locales like Ballsdeep, Roqueporte, and Meth Bay.⚔️ Choose from dad-flavored class options like Hippie Dad, Business Dad, and Gamer Dad.🔮 Customize your character with Daddy-Magic-infused subclasses like Garden Witch, Math Witch, and Prosecutor.ℹ️ Describe your character with ten tables worth of Dad Fact prompts.📱 Use dozens of mundane and magical items, from cell phones to the Deck of Daddy Things.🤝 Learn feats inspired by your favorite dads as well as new abilities like Blade Landing and Hand Sense.🧩 Solve a secret puzzle so devious it could only have come from the mind of Scam Likely.Check it all out at bookmedaddy.com !Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchBurt Harry is Matt Arnold Dave Palazzo is Will CamposEddie Brainstorm is Beth May Brooke Stone is Freddie Wong Annissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Blood is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves and Omar Romolino provide Additional EditingSourcebook & Campaign TeamGame Design & Writing: Martzi Campos, Sean BouchardWriting: Anthony Burch, Will Campos, Beth May, Freddie Wong, Matt Arnold, Jesse Vigil and Miles GonzalesManaging Editor: Annissa OmranLayout Design: Rich LescouflairCover Art: Jeff HimmelmanInterior Dad Design and NPC Art: Chandler Candela, Ryan BoyesInterior Artwork: Tami Wicinas, Sonderflex StudioDM Screen Artwork: Alex MoorePromo Animation: Egg Troop (Omar Romolino, Chandler Candela, and Ryan Boyes) Theme song is “Alright” by Maxton WallerThis crowdfunding campaign was made possible by Ashley Blood, Kortney Terry, Natalie Roman, and our Patrons.Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

If you're hearing this, then the weight is over. The campaign for Dungeons and Daddies not a BDSM sourcebook is live now at bookmeaddy.com. Oh, you're still here. Let me yap a little more. Dungeons and Daddy's not a BDSM source book. Dadtastic Fantasy Adventures for the world's most popular role-playing game that we cannot legally mention by name. It's a source book project we've been cooking on for over a year now. Dad classes, subclasses, spells.

We got therapy, a fourth-level divination. If you're not down with that and you're sufficiently leveled, you might opt instead for the ninth level transmutation. Skip therapy. We cover all the basis. We got mechanics for customizing a minivan for travel and combat. You can visit franchise bully wugs locations. What else lies within these pages?

Well, only one way to find out. If you're a fan of a looser improvisational approach to a TTRP, and you're looking to spice up your campaigns, this book is for you. I think there's something in here for DMs and players, no matter how you play. Get on the crowdfund campaign now, Live at bookmeaddy.com, peruse a plethora of perks at various price points, and take home a little dad's flavor today. Bookmeaddy.com.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM. Source book? That's right. Nani? Has we'll be using the spell speak Japanese? We're going to be taking a page out of our own book. Our source book. We're going to take an attempt at trying to respect the rules of a game that we play by respecting our own rules. Fantastic Fantasy Adventures for the world's most popular lore playing game that we legally cannot mention by name. I'm not having this conversation again. We are playing some material off of our source book, which is live right now at bookmeaddy.com.

You can join the many thousands. I tell you dozens of fans who are backing us on. this source book, receiving all kinds of cool perks in the process. This is a book we've been chewing on, screwing on for the last. We fucked on every copy of this book. What we're going to be doing today, a little one shot, we're going to all roll new dads. New dads. New dads.

New dads. New dad's. New dad's. That's right. Let's just dive right in. I'll start. My name is Freddie Wong. Hi, Freddie.

Hi. And I play Brooke Stone. Nice. A semi-retired fire dink? Fire dink? He's a fire dink. He's a fire dink. This is financially independent, retire early, double income, no kids.

Oh, wow. How's he a dad if he's a dink? He is a godfather. Or it's dual income, no kids, not double. With a same thing. No, kids is usually like a married couple. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's just by himself dual income.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's literally me. You described. And in keeping with the creed of our source book, anyone can be a daddy. one of Brooks' passive income streams actually is being a for hire godfather for new couples. You know, people are like, oh, I need a godfather. That's an insane thing to offer as a business.

If you pay me money, if you die, I'll take the kid. Yeah. But listen, listen, you remember when there was this moment when they were selling like pet rehousing insurance for the rapture? Do you hear about this? I remember that, yeah. Similar sort of thing. He doesn't have to necessarily collect and all this.

And here's the best part about having a network of kids as a godfather. he's got a stranglehold on the candy business. And you know, like the schools, there's that one kid who brings like free nose and sells him out of his backpack. Yeah. Brooke has it on lock. He has the entire school districts,

all the schools, he controls the market. I'm sorry, sorry, let's take a step back. You indie nosebone over like seven steps in that plan. In what way does him wanting to be the godfather of a bunch of kids? He is the godfather for a bunch of kids. Okay, so what does that have to do with him having all the snacks? Well, the kids tell him what the fucking market rates are. And then he, using his influence, manipulates a network of kids selling laser pointers and freedoms.

There's where the question marks are. Using his influence is covering a whole range of sins. He is a wholesaler to the kids who then sell at a profit. So you're saying he's a sort of Fagan-esque, heartful, doctor. Yes, exactly. The main character of Oliver Twist, Fagan. Yes, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The hero. Based on the classic novel Oliver and Company. Yeah, exactly. So he deals He deals good Wait, wait, I just realized How can you be fire and dual income? If you're fire, you're financial independent

retired early. Listen, fire is an aspirational thing. It's a mindset. Okay. Brooke would be the first to tell you, Will, William, the answer is that you're always looking to increase your income streams.

Oh, he's Patrick Bateman. I am Bateman. I am doing my Bateman voice for this one. Okay, since we're doing an adventure from our source book, What type of dad are you? Yeah, what's your class? I am a rogue business dad.

Okay. I'm taking a page out of old master Beth May's book. Sempai May, let me use this class for this run. Let's see what he does with it. Well, apparently he turns kids into slaves with it. That's what he did. We can also roll for a dad fact. Yes.

Yeah, do it. Oh, did you not do your dad fact? Well, no, I did have the dad fact. That was just him introducing his character. That's just the guy. That's just the guy. So we have several tables from which you roll to sort of help along with this mechanic. I mean, I would say, I only pull it my dad.

Yeah, if you want to bring daddy facts into your game, we have a whole section on how to do that. And there's like a bunch of little dice you roll, and then you get a fun prompt for a dead fact. You know how nice and easy it is for me to think of dad facts many weeks in a row because I come up with a simple thing like senses or the seven deadly sense. We bring that ease to you by creating tables. This is a favorite theme park. Brooke Stone's favorite themed park Is the Warehouser Business Park in Washington

That's a themed business You know what I'm saying? You went from zero to I hate this character So crazy. The tasteful arrangement That's wild. You're locked in on his character already I'm really happy with it.

Of evergreen wood furniture Through the windows Across the street you wouldn't believe The ability to access both a target And a Walmart in one place has a convenience that can't be denied. Try getting a reservation at TGI Fridays now. Yeah, this is the Patrick Bateman character

by this just chain restaurants and like basic. Yeah, great, fantastic. You like unlimited breadsticks at all of us? Have you heard of claim jumper? You like Black Angus. The kids menu, the gentle class of it. My God, there's even a word search. I'm Matthew Arnold.

I rolled one of our new classes. I'm most excited about this is the class I'm really excited about. I rolled the cop dad. Bad voice, bad boys. That's my class. Yep. Specifically related to Jody Foster from the show, not like just cops in general. No worry.

I've already found a way to, you know, make it a palatable to our audience. I already found a way to back the blue. Don't worry. I'm playing Bert Harry and friends call me Birdie, but not dirty. I'm clean as a whistle. and he is... I have never been more certain than a cop committed hate crimes

in his career. Because he is, Burt Harry, is the mall cop who won't stop until state for you to shop. And a little fact,

this wasn't my fact I rolled on the table. I just need to mention that he is unmarried. That was it clear. He does that. That was implied. Ladies lock this one down.

He has one kid with his ex-wife, Happy Gladwell. His kid's name is Malcolm Gladwell. And then a little fact I rolled on our table for there's many different dad fact tables I wrote on Daryl's list. It seemed fitting.

And I got my favorite household chore and it is to do the dishes because he doesn't like it when things are dirty. Because remember, Bertie is never dirty. This guy sucks, man. Happy would agree with you. I'm Wil Camposan. I play Dave Palazzo. Nice. Nice. A bar walking, horn honking,

jazz whalen, lawyer dad who is both a jazz saxophone player and a jazz lawyer. Does he keep the sax in the office? You bet if your fucking bony ass fucking bind he does, dude. Now, are you dual classing? No, so this is how this works. So I picked for my class Rocker Dad, which is Rory Skin of Bard, inspired by one Glenn Close,

but I decided to do it up jazz style. Dave Palazzo is a local lawyer who does, like, jazz law. Oh, my God. I don't need more specifics on jazz law. We have a subclass called the College of Prosecution, which is. are a sort of Radicus Finch-themed subclass, which is all about being a lawyer. So I thought, like, you know, he went to music school for undergrad. Then he was like, you know what?

I've seen too many of my fellow jazz men get stiffed on the bill after the gig. So I'm going to take up jazz line. There's one thing I can do. It's help you get high G's because I see sharp. So that's Dave Palazzo. And my fact, which I'm going to do bespoke off the dome right now, my dad fact. All right. How do I do this?

I'm at the page. Pick a cool. table. First, I got a roll at D10. The D10 tells you which table you're going to then. Or you can just choose yourself. Oh my god. You know what we should do in the source book? I got a 10. Here's what you should do. You should do what you should do. Have in the corner a random number from one to

20 through the whole book. So if you ever want a roll, you just flip to a random page and it'll be a number. That'll be a number between one and 20. That's going to make it really hard to tell what page you're looking at a glass. No, it's a little dice in the corner. It's like a little image. It's a little picture of a dice. That's funny. That's really cool. is also a D20. That's really cool.

That's really good. We're doing that. I'm going to put that in the notes. We should do that. I love that. That rules. It's like, hey, having problems with a D20, just flip and say stop. Yeah, that's great.

That's fantastic. All right. I roll the 10, which means I'm going to pick from the deadly sins and virtues table. Now I roll a D8. Okay. And I got an eight. Oh. My most virtuous moment.

That's not a sin. Jazzman Pilazzo's most virtuous moment was when he got overpaid at the gig one time. It was after a wedding. They do weddings. And the father of the bride had had a couple. Is it for like legal or like the jazz? Law weddings. He does both.

He does like, I'll play jazz at the wedding. And in case things don't work out. Here's my card. And he does the paperwork. Yeah, he does the paperwork. Yeah. He's an official. Yeah, he does the whole line.

You know what? I'd be happy of my jazz player. My wedding was also by illegal. Yeah. You notary. He does it all, man. Does it all. When you're a jazz musician, you got to unambrovised.

Unless I've been to a wedding and there's like, hey, do we need something notarized? There's a guy here. He's a jazz lawyer. You've got to do a lot of stuff. You can't. There's not that many jazz cases to keep that. Not since the 20s. The father of the bride to be at the wedding had had too many of the couple's themed cocktail

and was going to overpay him. He said, no, no, no, my friend. That's not what you owe us. You owe us this amount of money, which is the normal amount of money. That's unheard of. For a lawyer to do that unheard of. I need to know what the couple's theme cocktail was. So they were Ted and Cindy Kaczynski.

Bundy. Ted Bundy and Cindy Kaczynski and it was called the carbom. It was a shot of whiskey in like a sort of peach lacroix and you shook it up. That's awful. Delicious. And then you drank it. Okay. This is why you didn't feel good taking their money.

Yeah, I totally don't. They're scraping the bottle up in the barrel for this theme cocktail. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Eddie Brainstorm. I'm a coach dad, a re-skinned of barbarian, of course. is played by your friend and mine, Matthew Arnold. So this isn't in the book yet, but we are toying with the idea of, like, doing species or race, but the dad version.

The kind of theory is that classes are stuff that your dad can choose or whatever, but this stuff is more intrinsic, like divorce dad or what I'm choosing today, pathetic dad. Single dad, step dad, et cetera. Yeah. I am Eddie Brainstorm, a pathetic couch-surfing volleyball coach barbarian dad,

trying to win back the respect of his 12-year-old daughter and love from his wife of 17 years. I've also got a bespoke dad fact, but I'm going to roll on the board real quick to get one of these bad boys from the book. Now, if Beth wanted to, she could just do her bespoke dad fact because ultimately, everything in this book is up to you, whether you want to use it or not. Unlike most books that forced you to play by the rules. Our book's a chill. Our book's not like The Bible. It is exactly like the Bible.

And that I have not read it. And we have clearly defined what we think is right. So I rolled a 12. So it is your character's favorite Roland Emmerich movie. Wow. Gotta go with Day After Tomorrow. Is that yours or his? No, that's Eddie.

That seems like something a pathetic person would say. He's not a Shakespeare truther who really like Roland Emmerich's movie about how Shakespeare was vague. He made a movie? about that? Yeah. Whoa. And then my bespoke dad fact for Eddie is that he's recently been kicked out of the house for going through his wife's phone,

but he was only going through it to find cool guy friends to hang out with. And so next week, next week he is proud to say he is getting drinks with a guy named Daddy. I love it. I'm Anthony Birch. I'm your dad. Hi, dad. I'm going to go ahead and roll on our dad facts table for myself. Hit me. All right. I'm picking from the stuff I like table, which is Ron's table specifically.

Now I'm rolling a D8. My favorite musical. That's a tough one. Probably Les Mizz, even though it's very, you know. Nice. I love Lamez. I love Lai Miz. It's very, uh, it's the happy meal of the musicals, I would say.

But the happy meal's good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's got a toy with it. And that toy is like sad so you feel deep watching it, even though it's a little. very shallow and I love it. We do a porno version of Laid Mizz called Laid Mizz. Laid Jiz. She got Lid and she's a Mizz.

She's a Mizz. Lade Miz. Nice. So today's one shot that we're going to be playing is directly from the source book. It was conceived of, I think I conceived of the idea just because of the stupid pun that's not very good. But then Marcy Campos and Sean Rooge Howard worked on getting this thing together in such a way that you can read it fresh and it'll have everything you need to actually run this adventure. It's much more detailed than anything I do for my DM prep, and I think you guys will enjoy it. You'll love it just as much as Laid Miss.

Ocean's Dad Levin is the name of this one shot. So when we last left your characters in the non-existent previous episode, you found that your kids, or God Kid, had been kidnapped. Can we just know what, even if it's just like a quick, how do we see, like, what happened? Who we are, as a group. Who we are? Who we are as a crew. So I think you guys were probably on your way to. a bring your parent to work day thing and one of uh... parent to work day

yeah not instead mom or dad but the kids are working no your kids are kids I forgot the name I forgot the word for the thing that's like work but you had to do when you were a kid and that word is school is bring your parent to school day I presume one of you wanted to we all carpool and you fell into a portal and then your kids got stolen oh yeah we're all in a carpool together. We all take turns driving the carpool, but today was bring your parents to school day, so we all got in the carpool. Yep. So we were all crammed

in there. Then we were in a tunnel and we got a carpool tunnel syndrome. Oh! That's inspiration, coffee. That's inspiration. Hey, thanks. So yeah, you guys landed in this world. You were conveniently knocked out just like you were in the beginning of season one, which looking back is such a lazy

fucking screenwriting thing to do, but it didn't happen. Your kids got taken and you went on several fun adventures to save those kids. So we know each other now. Yes, you've been together for a while. Okay. You have in jokes.

You have references the things that you've done before. Yeah, we do. Shared history, if you might. It turns out that your kids are being held at the Bar-Brock Cafe Hotel and Casino. All of them? Yes. All of them. This is the season finale.

Yeah. Welcome to the season finale. When we got our kids, we were only halfway done in season one. That's true. This is the midpoint. This is maybe. We're like maybe. So there's a big twist at the end of this episode.

Even if we find our kids, we still haven't figured out what's going on with those pink robe guys. Yeah, that's right, man. Come in our dreams. That was a dream. In our dreams. Hey, man, it's me. Other Payton. That's just the thing that you dreamt up.

It's a weird sexual side effect that you have. Dude, no, hold on. What if it is regular Payton? It's me, regular Payton. I existed all realities, baby. So you have come to the Bard Rock Cafe Hotel and Casino on a very auspicious day. It is a day in which there is an. apex level fight in its attached arena.

It's got combatants who have drawn extra planar attention. So when you come into the hotel slash casino main building, you can hear the cheering beginning for the fight in the attached arena nearby. Question. Yes. Does the Bard Rock Cafe Hotel is in the shape of a giant loot? Yes. So most of the hotel and bar is in the neck of the guitar and the arena is an oval arena, I guess.

That is the body of the man. Oh, you're not thinking about the right way, huh? He's thinking about like a guitar lying on the ground. You're thinking about like a guitar pointing up into the sky. Which is what it looks like. Whatever you said, it's that. Wow, it's very tall. Great.

So you have been told by your friend, Normal Payton, that your kids are probably in there and that this casino has, I'd like a lot of other casinos in this world, never been robbed. That was. Wow. The reason. Well, it must be really safe in there. Yeah, because they have something.

called a reconciliation engine. It's like a machine that resolves a discrepancy between reality and accounting. So they can always tell if somebody's cheating. How fast does this reconciliation engine work? Pretty fast. So, instantly they'll know when any money is missing. Uh, yeah, if it, yeah. I sure feel bad for anybody who had to break into that one.

Well, I was going to suggest that you do actually do that. Oh, shoot. Okay. Hey, Eddie, it's going to be all right, man. Green needle? Brainstorm. Well, yeah, anything to get my daughter Rashley back? I know, and you guys had such an intense time on your last adventure,

but I think she's finally going to forgive you. Yeah, I know you've been working so hard on what you were going to say to her, man. Yeah. And I think it sounds great. And we're going to find her, and she's going to forgive you. Thanks, Dave. Yeah. Hey, cool, man.

All right. Hell yeah. So I think other Payton and then Payton are both right, that we need to break into this joint and bust our kids out. Yeah, one of us tells the truth. truth. The one tells lies. Oh, well, there's a first time for everything. Which one are you, normal Payton?

The one that tells the truth, obviously. Okay, that's good. Now, ask the other one that. Oh, yeah, how about you? I'm the other one that tells the truth, obviously. Oh, you're the liar, though, right? Well, I tell the truth. But you're a lie if you're telling the truth.

Well, what would normal Payton say? I'm not laws. And that's how you get them. You're so good at solving these paradoxes. Yeah. I can't believe it took you five episodes. to ask that question of them. How weird.

They both disappeared now. Yeah, they're both gone. We solved a riddle. They're gone forever. No, they're gone. No. They vanished it to sit there. No one to be seen again.

So your other fun boon companion, Wisdaff, the elf, says, oh, thank God they're gone. Now I can give you the whole plan. Wisdaf, it's so good to see you again. Wizdaf, I've missed you. Sorry, I was in the, I was in the ethereal plane looking for your aunt.

Take the, hey, Hey, Bert kisses WISDap. Wizzda kisses back with tongue and then kisses you as well. With tongue? Yeah. Roll for tongue. Roll for tongue. Roll D20.

That's how much tongue you guys. Roll. A pose roll. Tongos. Ready? Three, two, one. I got three. I got.

I mean, this is why Wiz likes Bert. It's a 16 plus three. It's 19. 19 tongue. He likes you. It just, you know. No, my wife was right.

I just need to be more adventurous. And Wiz, you've really opened me up. Oh, Bertie. That's so much tongue. Holy Emmerous relationships always say they're not hierarchical. but like everybody's got their favorite. Just because when it comes to security, I never get dirty.

Doesn't mean I never get dirty. Oh, sure, man. Yeah. Yeah. I was in the Ethereum plane trying to rescue your aunt, any points at all of you. And we're not going to explain what that means. That's right.

Also, I use the ethereal plane to spy on this place, and I think I have some pretty good plans that I've drawn up. You insight into the most impregnable casino in the world. On the hood of your cyber truck, he puts a hand drawn. Hey, careful with the truck. Yeah, don't scratch his custom vinyl. I had to do a lot of jazz lot of save him for this.

I just want to say that Eddie is eating during every scene of this. Great. Just like Brad Pitt. Yes. And also the vinyl on the cyber truck is treble clef, and it's like notes that are going along the side of it. That's fine. In treble clef this. It does pretty good.

Yeah, it says, in trouble, sing J-A-Z-Z. It's not enough numbers. So Wisdaf goes, the way that that vault is set up, it requires simultaneous activation of two other rooms. So there's a security checkpoint in front of the vault. In order to open the vault door, disable the security checkpoint, you're going to have to get authorizations from both the security room and the operations office. Security room and operations office. And you're going to have to activate them simultaneously. So you will have to split up at some point.

Oh, no. What am I going to do without my friends? As a cop dad, I rolled on my additional device. vine sense table and it gained an ability and I would like to use it to see if there's a possible just to get a lay of the land one of the things I can do I mean this is what I rolled is I got the ability to see if there's a light on in a room and nobody is using I think that would work I think that would work essentially to tell me as long as a light is on in a room that nobody's in that that is in that is a massively useful so for this question of those two rooms yeah is there any room

that I can sense that nobody's in because the lights on but nobody's using it and They're not in there using it. So you can tell that there are definitely people inside the operations room and the security room. But there is a room above the casino floor, sort of like, you know, on a factory floor where there's that one office that's got like glass. They're called windows. That's got big windows so they can watch people. It's like a factory floor where they have glass that you can look through. Yeah.

The way where the pit boss is. Exactly. And always in there. And right now no one is in there. This is very important, Anthony. Have we walked into the casino looking all cool? That is up to you because we're doing. Technically, if we want to, we can be like the thing where the plan is being explained to us via voiceover while you're walking and sort of doing the plan.

I feel like if not the plan, then yes, it's being explored. Like, we walk in all cool in our suits. You're eating your little deep fried goblin heads. You're going to steal her fucking gimmick. No, I like that. Okay. No, we all did this because of you. We thought it was really cool how you ate all the time, Eddie.

Yeah. Eddie's going to use one of the pump up strategies from the source book. So I roll a D6 and I get a. a cute little pump-up strategy for my boys. And it's going to be a one, which is you give out... I'm a little bit pumped. You give out made-up awards, like most improved after every encounter. Okay.

I'm going to do that. What are the awards you're wearing as you slow-mo walk handsomely into the casino? Dave, I think you're the most jazzy. No, he thinks, man. I work hard at that. Bertie? I guess, uh, I think you're the most, uh, Uh

You do a great man Molly Oh Okay Yeah Is you work at the mall I mean you get just Sam like the bravest

I was kind of saving that For myself Oh Yeah Pretty brave And then Brooke Yeah

Um You're probably the stoniest Stoniest Yeah I'll take it What's a trophy Oh it's a great trophy It's kind of more

In your mind though Hey, well, thanks, man. You know, you're really the glue of this operation. So as you're walking into the casino, here's the vibe. So this is directly from the book. Torchlight and magical illumination gleam off polished stone and metal as the casino opens before you. A loud-ass casino. Rows of dwarven slot engines clatter and hiss, spitting tokens and awaiting trays.

Obsidian gaming tables stretch across the floor where gamblers roll heavy 20-sided dice under the watchful eyes of emotionally detached dealers. Everywhere you look, guards patrol in measured roots. Those are real guards. A crystal lens set in the ceiling swiveles silently, tracking movement across the room. A complicated dance is being performed. No one could be watching everything that happens all at once, but at the same time, you're sure that nothing goes unnoticed for long. I can just sense that the pit boss's room.

There's nobody in there. There's no one upstairs? Nah, somebody left a light on. I can just tell because I got daddy magic. There's no one upstairs, but the light is on. That's a great name for a modal jazz album. And we got to be serious here because these casino guards, they're closer to cops than mall cops. Where are you?

Like, what's the farthest from cop and what's the closest to cops? I was just talking about it on toughness, like how likely they are to hurt you. Like, a mall cop's not going to hurt you. We're just here to make a safe for your shop, right? Cops, everybody has their own opinion on cops. What's your opinion? My opinion is that they are closer to casino cops than a mall cop. That's my opinion.

Yeah, very circular, man. I did you. I think casino cops. Just like the rule of fifths, baby. You go far enough in one way and come right back around again. I'm saying my job is to protect you. Casino cops are there to protect the casino. Oh.

They will have no problem hurting us if they think we're going to affect their business at all. You think we should stroke their ego or something? Oh, yeah, that would be good. Like if I gave them like an award or something. And they're dirty. So dirtiest? Yeah. Okay, I'm going to go up to one of these guards and give them the dirtiest award.

Okay. Dude, that's a fighting word. You're just going to do it. If somebody's dirty, they don't like being called dirty. They like money. It means they like money.

They'll take a bribe or something. So I don't know what we have. Oh, so the most money award then. Okay. You walk up to the first guard that you see. Give me a perception roll. Perception. Oh my God.

I got a 16. Okay, that's great. So you see as this dude is walking, he's swinging his arms back and forth, as one does one walking. And his left palm, you can see, has some sort of,

sigil on it. It looks like it's been drawn. It looks very specific and complicated. It's like a line with a circle around it inside the triangle. Yeah, it's fucking wild. Wait, the fucking Harry Potter. God, you give him the award this is dirtiest. Red Bull, why a fucking field day with that one? Hey, I just want to say, my man, I believe that you've probably saved the most money from getting stolen out of here. The guard who is wearing heavy armor and carrying a big black stick in his non-sigil

It's like that big guy from The Odyssey. Bofodis. I'm begging you to stop saying pofadis. It activates its baton. And you see a bolt of lightning travel up and down the length of this baton as it looks at you and says, I'm not dirty. I'm not a dirty boy at all. Oh, no, I didn't mean to imply that.

I was just saying that you've, because of your cop status, have probably protected more money than anybody else in you. Not a cop. And in that moment, and in that moment, Brooke Stone slides in and says, that's right. We've been tracking the numbers. And according to corporate,

you're the most effective casino guard. We have on staff. We'd like to give this as a little recognition of what you've brought to the table here. And I'm going to cast my one daddy magic spell. I'm casting Long Con, which is basically charm, but with range. I'm going to roll 6012 to get a total number of hit points.

So the way this works is that I essentially now have a pool of hit points. Like 31 and then you now chip away at my 31 based on whatever the hit points of the creatures are whether or not they're like charmed. And it's like charming. 31 is not going to cut it on this guy. And dumb, maybe out of character, are our kids kidnapped in here somewhere? You believe that your kids have been put into the vault because they are actually a valuable

currency in this world because you can siphon the childhood wonder out of them and use it to power magical machines that require optimism that adults do not have. have. Oh, I've got an idea then. Dad huddle, if you will. Oh, I like that. That's the first time we've said that. Yeah, let's go to love.

As you all huddle together, you hear the of the eye on the ceiling of this room, and it rotates to look towards you guys. You can see that it moves in 90 degree increments. It's either north, south, east, or west. You guys are currently in the west, let's say, and it stops looking in the west direction. How long does it stop in each direction?

Well, right now it's still looking at you. So it's looking at us. Where's the pit boss room? The pit boss room is to the north. North, okay. So I'm going to vamp while the camera is on us. Well, when I was coaching my daughter's volleyball team, we used to get in tough spots like this all the time.

But Dave, I don't think your gambling addiction is that big of a deal. Oh, okay. I think you guys have been really giving me a hard time about that. I know, but I think we were overreacting. All right. I'm going to go hit the tables then. I feel good. I feel like, you know, I'm going to take some gold,

and I'm just going to pluck it down right over there. Absolutely. We're going to spend many monies here. I'm going to look at the camera again. You can feel somewhat imperceptibly that this little exchange that you've had didn't have much of an effect, but lying and saying that you are from corporate, you feel the heat of a room rise just a little bit.

You can tell that a new mechanic called heat exists in which the more you guys fuck up and draw attention to yourselves, the harder things will be. So it starts at zero and it goes. to 30 seconds flat, you walk away when you spot that he came around a corner. Dave, having now gotten the green light from his fellow dads to start gambling,

is going to go plunk some gold down on a game of chance. Wait, wait, Dave, Dave, I got a guy, but I think this, you've told me so much about all this is, this has ruined you. Don't listen to Eddie. Nah, but I'm feeling good.

You know, I think Eddie's right. I think I just, I've been having a bad streak of luck lately. I think this table's the one. So you got roulette, blackjack, poker, pinuckle, or a one-arm bandit, which do you want to play? I'll play blackjack, I guess. Hey, hit me.

Roll a D20 as many times as you want. We really should have gotten radio comms or something like that. If the total is greater than 21, you bust, obviously. Oh, all right, hit me again. Let's go again. One more. Okay. So that cost a gold.

You're down one gold now. Okay. Oh, 41. Oh, no. Forty-one. You rolled a D-10 four times? I don't, don't. How did you get up there?

What do I roll more? You roll D-10 as many times as you want to one after another. One at a time. And then you roll a one. And then you roll the results together. That's why I can't do it. You already use two of our three gold. That means he can only do this one more time.

I'm going to make the gold back. I'm going to make the bow back. Here we go. All right. One. What do we got? All right. Hit me again.

Okay. What do we got? Seven. All right. Hit me. Hit me. Hit me. 18.

Oh. All right. All right. All right. All right. Wait, wait. Wait. 18.

It's a D10. No. I got a four or seven and then an 18. Oh, you busted. It's a D10. It's a day 10. Oh, I've been doing 20s. Oh, we're out of my. All right. That's your second gold gone. You have one gold left. That's three gold. Oh, that was your third gold.

Hey, guys, the bad news. I spent all three of our goal, man, you know. That's okay, Dave. Do you ever wonder if it's not because you're addicted to gambling so much as you don't know what you're doing? I think I'm just a hard, scrabble, jazz playing lawyer who's addicted to losing. I think that's what's going on. I think I just love the rush of losing at all. Oh, I get, I get you, man. I'm addicted to losing, too. I lost my wife's respect. I lost my wife's and everything. I'm going to look at this camera again. Do you guys?

Do you guys have a happy marriage? No. We're just four hearts scrambled down on our looks. Dad's trying to make better in this world. You know, that was, I was really hoping to tell all the kids at school about my jazz lawyer career and then, you know, and then we wound up here.

I spent all my money on that cyber truck cost fortune. And then, you know, no one wants it. And, you know, it's, you know, how hard? You know, who doesn't have any money? Jazz musicians. Especially jazz musicians who got ripped off. Don't have any money.

I don't know why I thought. I thought I was going to be able to have old jazz lawyer career doing lawyer and stuff for him. I know these people. My wife only lets me see my kid on leap year. On leap year? Oh my God. Leap year?

Yeah. It's not leaving for three years. 29th. I know I've only seen them twice. It's like that. It's like that shit in the end of the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean. I didn't read the contract closely. I thought it was like every year.

I just wasn't. Because it was February 29th that year. And you're like, well, once every year. That's easy. Well, no, I didn't think it was. But yeah, it's rough. Hey, man. I read that contract.

for you. I would have caught that. I should have gotten a jazz lawyer like you to really help me out. I used my wife's lawyer. That was probably the problem. You can't use your lawyer? That's a conflict of interest, man. Yeah, he could get disbarred for that. You know what? I've gotten a word for all of us. We're each getting the best dad award. Yeah. I'll see my kid today though. I'll tell you what. I'll see my kid today. And I've got an idea for how to make that happen. And I look at the camera. So the camera you see is looking in your direction for a second. It's pure.

pupil like, because it's basically an actual like eye. Oh. It moves past you guys and then the pupil gets a little bit smaller and then the eye looks up and down really quickly a couple of times like it's nodding. And then it resumes its rotation around the room. So now it's pointing to the south. If you follow the eyes direction, you see a heavily augmented dwarf with steel reinforced limbs, gem inset eyes.

And you can hear him talking to a dealer who seems to be deferential to him, if not outright terrified. That must be the pit boss, dude. You can't hear exactly what he's saying, but you can't hear exactly what he's saying, but you could hear that his voice is like a grinding stone. It's just got such base to it that you like feel it in your chest. He radiates absolute authority. Hey, Brooke.

Oh. Brooke Stone. Hey, yes. You got any money, man? No. Well, before we, before we resume gambling,

I want to make a point here that our kids are in the vault because they are apparently worth something to everybody here. And so we're busy, worried about how to break in to, and then break out of the vault. But wouldn't it be easier if we only had to do one of those things? So is there a way we could disguise ourselves? Is either kids or people who work here that we can maybe? I'm picking up when you're laying down.

Yeah, like maybe three of us get guard disguises. Yeah. And one of us, the smallest of us, pretends to be his child. Yeah. And then we go, we were like, hey, we caught this kid. We want to throw them in with the other kids. And then we've got a man on the inside. Hey, like in the Star Wars.

Yeah, I like that. Like, yeah, like with two birds. In Star Wars. Oh, the whole universe is different. Okay. Yeah, tubercle and hando. Yeah, when hando and tubercle and hando. Hando job risian.

Handel by myself. Yeah, this is his class of life. No, that's the name. Hando by myself. Hando by myself. I think we should go into the pit. I like that idea. Let's go into the pit boss's room before he gets there.

It's empty. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. No, that's maybe where the costumes are. I think you had a good idea of what to do once we get there. What if I distracted that? Oh, we could, you know who's good of distracting stuff? Gamblers and jazz musicians.

Jazz musicians and gamblers. Yeah, we'll cause a big distraction. It's like you guys have been role-playing these characters for years now. We'll cause a distraction here on the floor. You folks make your way in to the pit boss room. Me and Bertie will go up to the pit boss room. Okay, so you can see the pit boss room. Another classic Eddie Birdie situation.

Of course. I will point out that the pit boss room like it would be for, you know, a factory is on sort of the second floor. You can see it. It's to the north. There's not a directly visibly accessible way of getting there, but you could see... Well, I'm reporting this place to the ADA. On the north wall beneath the pit, you can see that there is a door that looks to be locked. It's guarded by two of these guards.

And then there's basically some bathrooms sprinkled throughout the exterior of this room. The bathrooms are not guarded. That's good. You got to go? I say we go and see what we can find in there. Okay. I may have to go anyway, so let's go. So in the bathrooms, you see the stuff.

Stuff that one would normally see in a bathroom. Toilets. Fantasy poop. But you also... Goblin dukies. Look at all these goblin dukies, eh? Some of the toilets are very big. Some of them are very small.

You notice upon entering that you don't... You don't smell anything. And the reason for that is because you see that in the wall, next to one of the stalls, is a very big vent that seems to be sucking air inward to get the poo stank out of this room. Oh, I think we follow the poo stank, okay? Classic vent situation. How do you think it's going in there, man?

Who cares? The only thing we gotta be worried about right now is what to do with all this money. I think we should gamble it. That's what I think. Why don't I gamble? Just give me a little of it. You use all your goal already, first of all. We have no gold.

Second of all, what are you doing to distract people? I walked through the table of the most raucous, highest action table on the floor. And I say, holy moly, that's gambling jack, the greatest gambler in the land. Everyone take a look at this. Old two eyes and jealous. Roll deception. Deception. 19 plus 423.

Well, not you. I'm talking to Will because we'll talking about. I do great. Ooh, I'm going to use my ability from my feet, Glenn's riffs. Thanks, Glenn. I'm going to use the wrong room. Your conversational adversary doesn't know what they just walked into. When you make a charisma ability check,

you can choose to gain advantage on the roll. Once you use this ability, you can't use it again until you finish short or long rest. But I think this is the time to use it to convince the whole floor that this is gambling jack, the best gambler in the land. Okay. It's a good thing I used it because I got a one and then an 11. An 11 is unfortunately not going to do it. You're at the Pinnacle table.

You're shown by a couple of the gamblers and the dealer and two of the players. And they look over you for a second and go like and then look away as you were trying to get attention on them. They don't believe you yet. But wait until Gambling Jack, Pinnacle Master. The dealer also squints his eyes at you and you feel the heat raise again. Now, gambling Jack struts up to the table and uses his, this is a business. add flavor. Thieves can't flourish.

I think thieves can flourish. The thieves can't. Oh. Other thieves here, an offensively bad, inconsistent elvish accent. This will identify any other thieves at the taste. An Elvis accent.

Exactly. Oh, yeah, that was offensively bad. All elves sound like Elvis in this world. Oh, what can I get from this? And I pull out from my pocket a peanut butter banana sunupon.

Speed. A one-armed miniature tin soldier. That is another benefit that I get. Just a thing in my pocket. It's just a little tin soldier. I'm like, this right here is a representation of a warrior from my world. Give me a spin on a pinnacle table. So you're trying to persuade them.

So give me a persuasion roll. What the fuck is this thing? Can we don't have money? What are we trying to do? I'm trying to drum it up real quick, bro. It's always the guy does it. He's got a ball and flammable. 18 plus seven.

Jesus, Christ. Okay. The dealer goes, yeah, I guess that looks valuable enough. Yeah, you can put that up. So you want to play Pinochle, your next end. What is the hardest game in the table in the land right now? Give me a Pinnacle. Yeah, this is Pinole.

I thought I play Pinole on D&D. On each turn, you have to make a DC-10 dexterity check. And on a failure, you crack the P and you lose the game. Because you remember Pee Nuckel is you have a P in one of your knuckles and you punch the other person's hands trying to pop their pee without your pee getting possible. That's right. That's right.

I forgot about peanut-pul. I am going to play a little bit of jazz music as Bartik Inspiration. Okay. Pull out my saxophone. I play my tune. Yeah. Play Jailhouse Rock. The famous jazz saxophone song, Jailhouse, right.

And I rip out a root and duton version of Jailhouse Rock on the Alto saxophone. You now have Bartic Inspiration. Let me roll performance here. I got a 12, so pretty good. You know, horn's a little cold, so it's not quite in tune. But there's no backing band, so it sounds pretty good. Yeah, some people turn their heads at you for a second, but then they go, and I go back to what they're doing.

Do you want to roll the Bardiganspiration value now? It's like a D4 or something? Oh, sure, yes. Oh, it's 1D8 at this level. Okay, great. That's a 1. Boom. Okay, so you got one for the Bartagian inspiration.

Now give me a dexterity check. Dexterity check. 12 plus 5 plus 1 is 18. That'll be it. So you have successfully managed to not crack your P in this punch. Now you are going to make a contestant. strength check against the dealer. So give me a strength roll.

Does this also benefit from his jazz music as well? Because it's in the same kind of round. So this is a 16 minus 1 plus 1, so a regular 16. Regular 16. They beat you that time. They got two points higher than you. They roll 18. So the first person to get 10 points wins the whole game and the entire bet and everything

like that. So do you want to keep going? I assume you do because otherwise you're just going to lose. Yeah, baby. Let's keep going. All right. Dexterity check. And then if you succeed that, a strength check.

Nine. Just a nine. Okay, you crack the pee and you lose. Let's go back to the vents. Inside the ducks, they are cramped and dusty. If you won p-t-nuckle, what is it that we are trying to do down? I'm causing a seat outside. To do what?

Draw all the heat away from whatever it is you guys. Which I will point out, your method of trying to draw heat at this point has been like gambling like normal people. Yeah, we thought we were going to go. So good. You cut away. When we come back, it's going to be crazy, dude. It's going to be fucking crazy.

They're like, what was that? Don't worry about it. Eyes on the mission. All right. So we're crawling through events. Yes. Okay. What was that?

What was what? I didn't hear anything. I guess I didn't either. Because of Wizdaf's blueprints, these showed you before you came in, who I mentioned was an elf. He was raised somewhere else so he doesn't sound like Elvis. He says that the ventilation system that you're in connects to the north side of the arena,

the north and south sides of the casino floor, and then the backrooms. Not the backrooms, but backrooms. Specifically, the backrooms are how you reach. It's public domain. We could put backrooms in our game.

We should do backrooms. The backrooms are the things. that connect to those two rooms you need to get to and the vault. The vault is where? It's connected to the back rooms as well. Connect to the back rooms. That's where we need to go. Okay.

And the security checkpoint and the operations room that you need to activate both simultaneously to open the way to the vaults. So there's two rooms that we need open simultaneously. Oh, yeah. So do you still want to go to the pit boss room? To remind you guys, the plan was to steal disguises from the pit boss room so then we we can all dress up and pretend one of you as a kid to walk right in. You know, now I'm remembering what Day told us to do.

I got lock in. I got locked in. After 40, man, my mind just went. The mall's not a lot of ducks. Days are pretty slow in the mall. Yeah. I think it works for me. You know, I'm not that sharp.

Hey, I wouldn't say that about yourself, eh? No, okay. I appreciate that. Yeah, we should go find this guidance. I mean, I did sign a contract that, but I can see my kid once every four years. Well, that happened. Maybe your kid isn't the kid you want to see every year. I don't want to see them every day.

Yeah. Well, that's pretty sad, man. Okay, so first thing. Wait, we're crawling through. Yeah. As you crawl through, make a stealthy. check. You have to beat in 18. It had to beat in 18? Yeah.

This book's soft. But it's stupid. I want to edit that in the fucking Google dog. No, it's fine. It doesn't, it doesn't. I got two. I got a three. That's fine. The only thing that happens is you gain another heat. It's not a big deal. How much heat we look in that here? Right now you have three heat, which means that all of the DC of everything you're rolling is going to be increased by one. And NPCs will always ask

a clarifying question before they agree to do anything with you. Okay. You've come to another vent exit. it. Give me a perception check. I got a three again. Don't worry. I got a one. Okay. So you know at the very least you're not in the bathroom anymore. Let's just drop here. Okay.

This looks good. Okay. As goes to anything else we just drop. Now give me a slight of hand check to remove the vent cover without dropping it. It's a two. No way. I got a nine. Okay.

He's juggled. Oh, no. That's why I coach volleyball and I don't play it. man. I thought you were going to hold when I unscrued. I know. We just had a miscommunication. As a coach, I should know better.

You know, we got to be on the same page about stuff. Yeah. I just never worked with a partner before. Well, here I am, buddy. There's one other cop, but he goes the other end of the mall. And whenever I try to talk to him, he says, hey, we, you know, we can't cover the whole mall if we're near each other. Oh.

Every time I talk to him. Okay. So if you peek your head out of the vent, the cover of which you just slammed it in the ground, you see that you are inside the arena. A lot of cheering folks here. Demons, ghosts, humans, orcs, fantasy things. You dropped the vet right on the head of one of the combatantian. Oh, no.

I want to put my head out. Okay. Just lean out, you know, like sealing cat or whatever and see if I can see. Yeah, I'm a millennial. That's right. Yeah. We all know. And see if I can see, like, orientate myself.

So I know which direction the pit boss room is. You can see that there's no clear way to the pit boss room from here. Oh, well, let's just keep going. Okay. There's no clear way. So I guess we should have to fall off the room. the mercury wave. Yeah, let's go the murky.

I like that. All right, roll again. Stealth. One. No way. That's got Matt. I fall. Jesus Christ, Matt.

Matt. Matt is in the arena. Matt, the third person in the arena. You just fall directly into the fucking arena. I got an eight. A new challenger is entered. I try to grab onto Eddie on the way down. Okay.

Hang on. I think I fall, but I want to see if I can save myself. Yeah, I've got good strength. I can try to hold on. Give you a strength check. All right. Ooh, I got 19. I don't care about your strength.

I got a 10. You both fall down into the arena. I have the idea that you guys wind up actually being the distraction for us. So you are in the center of the arena as a tarasque and a red dragon. We're about to lock horns. Oh, no. You two humans fall onto the ground directly in front of both of them. I was going to save this, but I'm going to go ahead and use one of Jody's procedures.

I'm going to do Fox Trot Bravo. I'm going to drop a flashbang. Okay? Nice. The moment I land, I go, hey, you close your eyes. Okay, I'm closing them. I drop flashbang. So every creature of my choice,

oh, I guess you didn't have to close your eyes because I just choose not you, has to roll a constitution saving throw. They have to beat a 15. So the flashbang goes off, and both the Tarask and the dragon, and their eyes shut, and they try to turn away from you

from the brightness of the flashbang. And a lot of people in the stands are probably also pretty uncomfortable with the noise and the light and the smoke. Not to mention the interruption of a combat sport. And then, Freddie, what's your character's name? Brookstone. Okay, so Dave and Brookstone turn around and then just Eddie and Bert are just right next.

It was like, yeah, we couldn't find anything. The flash thing was so cool, man. It was like I was Houdini. Yeah. What happened, guys? We're still mid-distraction over here. There's a pretty big distraction over there now. We were going through the vents and we got lost.

We got lost, man. Yeah. All right, well, you know, back to one, boys. Well, we can try to do the distraction and you guys could try. We go to the same thing. We flip. All right. We took a left.

They should take a right this time. Okay, take a right. Yeah, take a right. Again, give me a stealth roll. All right, yeah. Hey, Dave, fucking jazz is all about being stealthy. Yes, all about being stealthy and light on your feet. Nine plus my ex-exam.

Ortiz's in the style, 17. Unfortunately, that's not an 18. Fuck off. Wait, wait, but before we went in, I played one more crazy sax song. Okay. In which case, you will pass. It's the Pink Panther theme, dude. So now, if you wish to roll perception

to see if you can see what you're about to drop into, if you go through the next thing. Hold on, I got a gamble, though. No, only one of you has to. I mean, I got a natural one on the stealth. It's fine, it's fine. Natural one on the stealth. Okay, well, in that case.

Looks like we're just causing distraction after all. So Freddie, your character is super stealthy, perfect. I follow the arena too. And then, yeah, yeah. But your fat ass makes a big ass hole in the vent and you fall down to the arena between the Terask and the dragon that are now,

their teeth are locked, but they stop again and both look at you. I reach up and I say, Eddie, saxon, stacks me. My saxophone still up there. Kick it down. I grab my saxophone and prepare to do jazz battle. We'll follow Freddie.

Now your character. gnashing of teeth and the notes of giant steps as you scoot your way through the fucking give me a perception roll to see if you can see what's on the other side of the next vent cover so you don't know what's on the other side of this if you want to try to get 11 11 okay so you don't know what's on the other side of this vent cover if you want to try to take it off without dropping it you're going to have to give me a slide of hand roll as well side of hand I'm doing it 17 plus 522 oh okay you do so you very dexterously gently lift the vent cover off and manage to keep hold of it and pull it into the vent itself.

So you can see now, you were in the backrooms. This drops down into the back rooms. I'm going to drop down into the backrooms. And I adjust my tuxedo bow tie a little bit as I land, James Bond-esque. Nice. Yeah, sure. I love that we've now split the party into three groups. Yeah, great.

So we're back in the casino. What are you guys doing? You want to go all in, Eddie? I think we should go all in, yeah. All in. And I take off my wedding ring. And I take off my wife's wedding ring who threw it at me. And I take off her engagement ring.

too she threw them all back, kept them all. It's like, I think it's about time to let go all in. Three rings. Okay, so I'll do my wedding ring, obviously. You're not even divorced, though. That's why it's riskier, man. This one should be worth more. So what game are you playing?

We're playing the 21 one. Yeah, Blackjack, right? What else do I have? There are other options. Okay. No, no, that one's easy. I like it. I want to try to win.

Wait, let me find the coolest item, and I'm going to bet with it. Instead of use it? I would have gambled away my heist juror. I'm going to gamble away a human gun. Hey, buddy, how much would it take for us to win to get in that vault? We have to be pretty good, huh? The dealer goes, huh? And you feel your heat rise again?

How much money would take that would be so much money that you would have to open that vault to get that we win? I'm just curious. Yeah, we're just curious. Oh, gosh. I can't remember the last time somebody won that much. Oh, it seems like if you both went all in, then I'd at least have to call the pit boss to, you know, verify that you weren't cheating and whatnot. So you got my three rings.

You got Eddie's ring. Oh, I can put in my other ring too. And if I put in the next 24 visits I have with my child. Which I went with the Veloaks. That's worth a lot. Okay. So you've got my wedding ring and my Prince Albert ring. Okay.

We're putting all that in. Okay. Do you want to roll to see if you win Blackjack? Yeah. Yeah. Roll a D10 as many times. as you wish. Try to get as close to 21 as you can without going over.

One. Nice. Does that count as one or 11? That counts as one. Solid and safe. Love it. What? Good.

Nice. I'm still going. Lucky, lucky, lucky. Split that. You can split that. Five. Okay. That's seven.

12. I'm going. So wait, six plus 12 is 18. I have 12 overall. Oh, you have 12 overall. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, okay.

A dealer nods. It goes, okay. Impressive. My turn. One, two. 15. It's a stop at 17. The rules for this one specifically are that he has to get higher than you.

So he can try to bust essentially. Oh, that's your advantage. That's your advantage. Yeah, you guys are fine. 25. The dealer busts. Nice. So you win back three times what you put in.

Oh, my God. I can see my kid four more times a year. You get that. I'm so happy for you, Bertie. Jeez, Louise. And the dealer goes, yeah, I guess I got to probably call the pit boss over to verify this because why this is a legal contract between you and your ex-wife call him over sir sir he presses a button and then you see immediately that dwarf in the uh the armor turns and stuprador

stomp sump sump cose toward you and goes what is it we won oh oh yeah also wow you guys run a really tight i'm not much of a guardian as you folks but you know i do i mean me and a we both we run security down a little mall and i got to say i'm really impressed with what you guys are pulling off here. I feel really safe spending my money. I mean, we, we bet a lot of really valuable stuff because we feel safe because you guys do such a safe job. I want to say that I'm going to use another Jody's procedure, which is a hell demon, which I exude an easygoing charm that seems natural, even if there's supernatural people I'm talking to, when it's other members of authority, such as guards. Because, you know, the club of the boys in blue.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. That gives you advantage on. Advantage on charisma checks. Okay, go ahead and give me a persuasion. Or bonus, equal to my proficiency bonus. So plus three. 19 minus one plus three. Wow.

So 21. The dwarf in the armor goes, yes. Yes, I appreciate the compliment. I am Cargoon Iron Watch. I am the pit boss of this casino. So to receive a compliment on my skills is deeply appreciated. Thank you so much. It's not just a compliment.

It's an award, man. Oh, wow. Oh, you know what? I'm going to pin this to my armor. And then he tries to think, put the pin onto his armor. But his armor is pretty strong. so it just kind of falls off because I'll get a magnet later.

His name is Carwash. Oh, you can just take your armor off and put it on a? Cargoon Iron Watch. Iron watch. Iron watch. But you can call him Car Wash if you watch. You know, I bet you. I think you should take his armor off to put on the award, eh?

Oh, yeah. Oh, okay. That's going to be a pretty intense persuasion check. So the world can see, man. If you want to try to make him do that, give me a persuasion check. Okay. That's a 12. That does not do it.

Well, it's just a thought. Matt. I think I'll keep it on, but I will treasure this. I mean whispered Eddie, but like loud enough that they can hear. He's like, hey, Eddie, you know, there's maybe a little embarrassing about I bet you this guy could help with, you know, the problem we had at our mall if it's not, do you think we should ask him? Oh, maybe we should. He's so cool, though. I'd really hate to embarrass him. I don't want to embarrass ourselves, but I bet you he knows how to solve it. I bet he does. I'm giving a look like, is he curious about about? He's looking at you like, you could just ask me. Oh, it's just, you seem so smart.

Yeah, we take care of a vault also at our. mall and, you know, when there's little kids, they get in trouble, we got to throw them in the vault. But our kids, we lot, our kids keep escaping. It's so, such a big problem, eh? Honestly, I think I'm going to get fired. That's why we're here kind of relaxing. Yeah, I might have to be a volleyball coach at a middle school or something. I too would go to a casino when I knew I was going to get fired.

Well, I mean, you know, hey, you know, I'm not saying it's smart. No, I'm agreeing with you. Oh, yeah. So, I don't know. I don't know if you have any advice for us of how you, you know, a ball to make kids. Because coaching girls' volleyball is the last thing I want to do, man. Oh, very, very simple. You just have to put them in a vault that has to be opened remotely by two separate rooms simultaneously.

Oh. And then that's how you get in. Can you show us how that works? Yeah. Want to show you? It's going to require another role of persuasion. Persuasion or charisma? Persuasion is charisma.

Oh, nice. Damn, dude. Carnegie over here. Motherfucking 48 laws of power ass, dude. How to win roles and influence dice? I got 14. I got a 12. Cargoon says, I don't think I'll be showing you that.

I mean, I'll show you what I can show you from the casino floor. How's about that? Okay, sure. So he walks you over to the area where the door leading to the backrooms is and also the pit boss window. And he goes, that's where I watch the hole of the casino floor. I can see basically everything at the same time. I'm actually more dangerous in that room than outside of that room. I just kind of come down here to drink in the vibe and sort of get the feeling.

Stretch my legs. And we're near the back room. And you were near the door to the back room. He goes, this backroom door is locked with a security sigil that changes every day. You can see I have it on my hand. All the guards around us have it on their hands. But good luck trying to copy that down or get it off their hands. Meanwhile, cut to me in the back trying to...

Are you watching? Beep! I'm like, this door doesn't work. Well, can you open it from the inside, the other way around? Can you open the room from the inside? It's a sigil to get in one way, but it's inside the back room's going to brickstone come in. Yes. You can get into the pit boss room pretty easily.

Will Dave is... We left Dave in a perilous cliffhanger moment. So we're going to cut back. What did Dave do when he hit the ground? Dave casts hypnotic pattern. Okay. A third level illusion. You create a twisting pattern of colors and 30 foot cube within range.

I am doing this with my magical saxophone, of course. The pattern appears for a moment and vanishes. Each creature in the area who can see the pattern must succeed on a wisdom-saving throat or have the charmed condition for the duration. While charm the creature has the incapacitated condition, and a speed of zero, my friend. Okay. Does that have a particular...

Do you see they need to beat or just a saving throw? Yeah, saving throw. Because I'm in the middle of an arena and everyone's looking at me. Oh, Anthony's eyebrows just arched. Interesting. The dragon succeeded the saving throw. The tarasque got a natural one.

Okay. Nice. So it looks directly at the pattern that you make in the sky in front of it and it just... Showed red to a bull. Yeah. It just like gets almost catatonic with interest.

Like it's never seen something like that before. It's like if somebody's unchained one of Plato's wall guys and had him turn around. And he turned around, dude, it was the little subway surfer guy doing the fucking thing and collecting the coins. That's how entranced he is. So he's entranced. The dragon is not

entranced. Correct. What about the people in the audience? I'm assuming there's some sort of magical jumbotron in this arena that shows this to everybody. I'm going to do one D20 roll for everybody in the audience and they got a natural 20. So they go see it. A tough crowd. I've been bombing left and right. Well, that didn't

to help that much. So the dragon's going to attack you? Is he going to attack me or is he going to attack his incapacitated rival in this match? That's an interesting. I'll give him a D20 roll at disadvantage. Okay, great. I gave him arbitrarily a D20 roll. If he got one through 10, he was going to choose the dragon.

If he got higher than that, he was going to choose you. He got a seven. So the dragon shrugs its wings and then starts beating the shit out of the otherwise catatonic tarasque. Okay. Can you roll for damage? Sure. If this works out, guys.

I've just created our distraction. Got a plan. Nice. They were fighting for long enough when you dropped into the arena that they were just low enough on health that this is the decisive moment of the battle. The Tarasque gets its head bit off by the dragon and everyone is now booing out of confusion

because like that's not a finish to a match. One of them just stopped and let itself get bitten. This match is rigged. Yeah, I want to throw my voice. Be like, oh, rigged, cheap fight. I'm going to say roll persuasion on it. Oh, 19. Plus five.

Everybody goes, yeah, this fight's rig. What the fuck? We should start rioting. Yeah. And then I'm going to just sneak out of the room and try to join up with the rest of my guys now that this riot's been started. Okay. This zootsuit riot, if you will. As you leave, y'all who are talking to Cargoon, he puts up a hand for a second and then puts a finger to his ear and says, I'm so sorry.

There is something that requires my attention. And he heads off towards the arena. Oh, no worries. We'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll find the bathroom. We'll find it. Oh, the bathroom's right there. points at it as he walks away.

Okay, cool. And as soon as he leaves, open the door. The doors pop open. I'm like, oh, I figured it out. Nice. Guys, it caused a distraction. Let's go. Dave.

It always went back. And then we flash back to this all being the plan the entire time. Okay, first thing is, I'm going to fall on my ass out of a vent. Celebratory Dad Huddle. Yeah. We all lean in and we kiss. We all kiss each other. We all kiss super, super passionately and our teeth touch only a little bit.

And we all say, one, two, three, our wives don't know what they're missing. And then we kiss. I sure don't. So now you are in the back rooms. So the way that the back rooms work, it's a little bit non-Euclidean. It's a little bit weird. This is from the book directly. The public noise of the casino dies abruptly the moment you enter the back hallways of the casino complex,

a maze of stone corridors carved with flat, bare, artless efficiency. Roons etched at regular intervals glow faintly, responding to the movement of authorized staff. The air smells of hot metal, ink, and old dust. Somewhere deeper within the complex, heavy mechanisms grind and reset with a steady, patient rhythm. If you want to get to where you are going, you're basically going to have to roll a survival check. I've got a question. So are the ruins on the wall reading what would be our hands if we had sigils while we pass them? Give me an Arcana roll.

Arcona. Arcana. Yum. Wow. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. It was almost a four, but then it clicked over to a 19. Okay.

With a 19, you can tell. No, it is not checking to see whether you have a hand sigil or not. It is checking to see which department you have. belong in, operations or security, so that the halls can rearrange themselves to make it easier for that person to go to that spot. So it's not going to set off an alarm if you walk past it. It's just there to help people get to where they're going in this otherwise non-Euclidean space. So otherwise, the halls might change? Yes. Otherwise, you have to roll survival in order to make your way around. I'm going to use my feet of ancestral companions. Okay. The spirits of your lineage offer

you guidance or at least company. You can spend 10 minutes in quiet reflection to summon these faint spectral figures. They linger around you for up to 10 minutes visible only to you and creatures you choose. The spirit can't speak or act, but they listen and you can feel their presence. So basically, I'm using these family members to kind of disrupt the pattern of our bodies so that maybe the halls won't be changing. They'll stay the same. I like that.

Active camouflage. Yeah. And because you said 10 minutes, incidentally, every 10 minutes that you, spend in the back rooms, something happens. But I rolled a natural one, so nothing happens. Nice. Give me your survival roll. I got a 10. You do get a little bit lost. It takes five minutes to get where you're going instead of one, but you do ultimately come across the security room. You can see from the glass door that inside, it looks like a nerve center of everything that keeps this place safe. It's a circular chamber lined with crystal lenses, run arrays, control plinths.

this is where the surveillance is being coordinated and patrol routes are being set. It is all operated by what looked to be magically animated constructs, just kind of like suits of armor. They don't even have heads. They're just gauntlets and chassis like a cuirass. And it was one of the two buttons are in here? One of the two buttons is in here, yes. This has been so much fun, you guys.

I feel more alive than ever. I would love to introduce you to my spiritual companions. Oh, hey, yeah, look at these cool guys. This is my great-grandfather, Freddie. Hello! This is my grandfather, Nettie. Hi. And this is my dad, Petty.

Freddie Nettie Petty and Eddie. Wow. Hey, guys. You got a cool great-grandson, great-grandson, and son here. It's a miracle. Thank you. Thank you. Because we're each in our way kicked out on the couch by our ex-wives or our wives.

I want to hear each of those stories individually. Brainstone boys don't do well with women. What was your, tell me about your wife, sir. Oh, my wife was a witch. She tried to eat me. And I escaped. Interesting. And now you, sir.

We just didn't have compatible personalities. It sounds like you might have been the problem. It's entirely possible. It's just, you know, we just give different people. And, you know, once you change. Okay, yeah. And then you? I'm happily married.

Wait. I didn't want to tell you guys. Dad, you didn't tell me that. I didn't want to tell you guys. I have been secretly married this whole time. to a second family that I'm really happy with. Your mom, she did not like that I had a second. That's why we divorced.

I know I told you it was because of the irreconcilable differences, but she did not take it well when I came clean. I chose to come clean too because I was like, I'm pretty confident. Why don't you let Eddie see your second family? Hey, you know what? Maybe I have a second family too, eh? Do you? These dads right here.

That's great. I kind of don't know why you're Canadian, but these guys aren't. Oh, I'm not Canadian. Oh, you're not? I'm Canadian. I'm learning so much about you. She gets the accent from me. I'm from Virginia.

But we moved to Wyoming and then to San Dimas. And then to Virginia. And then to Virginia. He was in the Navy. And in Ireland. We go from all over. Wow, man. What a complicated tap.

Anyway, what's going on with this room? Are you guys going to go in? Oh, I think we should. Yeah, I think that was part of the plan. I opened the door. Okay, you can try to go in stealthily? Yeah. Give me a stealth check.

I try to sneak in the door. Can I? Roll something else. Nope. I got a six. Okay. All the constructs without actually turning around or anything like that, they'll stop for just a second. And they ask identification, please.

And then they go back to typing. Oh, I'm with the band. Roll deception with disadvantage. Okay. I'm going to use. As I do have a saxophone. If they say prove it, boy, are they in trouble. I also have my ability, the wrong room.

This is from Glenn's riffs. Your conversational adversary does not know what they just walked into. make a charisma ability check. You choose to gain advantage on that role. Oh, I already did this. Oh, I already did it once before this. Fuck, I can't use it. Nope. Fuck! As we balanced. All right, well, I'm

just going to have to fucking raw dog this. With my eight performance, I got a 23. Nice. Okay, so you successfully play your instrument really, really well, and they go, musicians are not allowed in the security room. No, buddy, this is what are they raising heat level by one? We will continue

to raise a heat level. What are my doing while I'm playing my music? What I do is I'm saying, hey, This is from corporate. This band, you didn't ask what the band's for. The band's for you guys. You didn't even ask the name of the band. Yeah, it's for you guys because you're doing such a great job.

Take a little break. Listen to the music. Okay, roll deception. Just listen to the music, dude. And they're guards, right? They are guards. So I get a bonus. Constructs who are designed to do.

I'm using my bonus. Fuck you. Is it my fucking my. You like Elvis? Try wearing a corset. 14. 14. 14? With the 14, they go.

No, thank you. And they go back to doing what they were doing. Okay, now paying attention to us? No, you notice that for the brief moment where they stopped working, that was it. And then they went back to working again. And before you made your role, I said that he said increasing heat. So basically every round that you remain in this room, heat is going to raise by one. Okay.

We got to press these two buns, right? Here's what I would like to do. Yeah. Click, click, boom. You guys press the bun when I say, I'm going to pull out one of my items. Okay. It's just a bun that you just like press, right? Just a big red bun.

button. Great. Perfect. I'm going to use my drone, which it can be used up to 2.5 miles. I'm going to fly the drone to the second button and hit the drone into the bun at the same time. And when I say press the button, we will press the button. Well, the drone will hit the bun. Whenever you press the button. Okay. Cool. So you're leaving the drone here or you're flying the drone to go the other room. The drone's going to go the other room. We're already here. Okay. So I can put my headset on. So you want to stay in the place. My drone's got 13 armor class at 100 HP and it goes 14 miles per hour. It can be operated in open spaces. Drone moves to the same turn as the controller and takes an action to operate in tight spaces operator must make a DC10 check.

So I'm going to go through this events. So I will do a DC10 check to hopefully not damage the drone. Bertie, I'll be your eyes while you're watching the drone, eh? Oh, great. Okay. Five to 30 minutes. And yep, it will send a feedback video to me so I can fly it. Okay, and that just took a second to just take out the drone?

I mean, it's an action. It's an action. Okay, cool. All right, so you're going to fly the drone into the back rooms. As I said, your heat is going to increase by one, every round, but you're in here. So go ahead and roll a... survival for your drone. Oh, 12.

You fail your survival check, and it takes five minutes for your drone to reach the operations room. But that's not the biggest problem. The biggest problem is that a round is six seconds, and every single round you spent in that room, you got another heat. So you are at maximum...

I trust my boys to hold the fort down when I'm flying this job. We're beating the shit out of these guys while they're doing that. I think that's the only move is just violence at this point. They don't fight back. They don't fight back. It makes it easy then.

So how could they increase the heat down? after a certain point. Because they are magically doing it, you haven't destroyed them. And also, because you've reached maximum heat, actually you can see because you're in the security room, silent alarms are flashing on all of the screens, and you see a camera depicting yourselves in the security room

on one of the magic mirrors. You see the words, guards converging on location. Okay. Okay. I'm going to roll on the telltale signs of impending rage table because Eddie's starting to get a little angry. about how long this is taking to... I'm trying my best, Eddie. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. It's just like he's hungry. Yeah, oh, yeah, that's fair. I mean, think about how long it's taking me to fly a drone there. Think about how long it would take if we tried walking there. That's a good point. Good point. So... All right.

But again, you would then not be in the room with the... Whatever. Seven, your stomach hurts. Maybe you play next time. We're doing our best, Anthony. I'm just saying... I thought I was a lot of one now. I've got a tummy egg.

You have a tummy egg. I'm getting... I'm so mad. I've got a tummy ache. It hurts real bad. You lock the doors, for sure. Like, we'll just use this as our own fort. I'm going to beat up the camera. So you're going to stay in this room.

I think we got to. We got to press the button at the same time as we can't get our kids. Okay. I'm going to go to the vault. I'm going to be at the vault door. Okay. Ready to get in there to get the kids to get out. I was waiting for.

Yeah, because if we remember from our last adventure, our four kids are super powerful warlocks that could kill multiple things. And they all love Dave. Dave's everyone's favorite. He's the kid's favorite. I have the best relationship with my kids. All your kids. wish I was their dad. Let's say you were simultaneously finding the vault while Daron was finding

the operations room. So you come across a corridor. It is long, straight, and oppressively narrow. The walls are polished black stone inlaid with dozens of hair thin lines of red light that stretched from floor to ceiling. Whoa. They crisscross the passage at a regular angles, forming forming beams. This is like when I was trying to find the bathroom at Studio 54. The air smells faintly of ozone and hot metal. At the far end of the passage, a reinforced elevator platform waits behind a second set of doors. When both buttons are pressed, that door is going to open, you're going to have to get through the hallway.

Dave leans back and has a piece of candy. Okay. Through the drone's camera, you can see that this room is rectangular and meticulously ordered. Long stone desks are arranged in parallel rows, each covered in ledgers, abakai, ruin-edged counting frames, and softly glowing crystal tablets.

The air smells of ink, hot wax, and old parchment, the steady scratch of quills and a low murmur of calculations and it never quite stops. At the far end of the room, elevated on a stone dais, sits a female dwarf reviewing figures projected in a ghostly gold light above her desk. What are you going to do?

I'm going to look for the button. As you zoom around, you don't see a button on the desk of the underlings, but you do notice that the dais where this woman is sitting seems pretty important. So you zoom up to that desk. Yep. And she ignores you. There's not a big red button like an hour in this room.

Yes, you can see there's a big red button on her desk. but it's underneath a glass little case. Fuck. Fuck. It's a one shot, right? You know we can't just keep going, Anthony. You know we got to end this at some point. What?

It's got a glass one. This one, the one room that we wined doesn't have it, but the one I think the drone does, what is the chances? Well, why don't you just fire into the glass? You found the buttons in both rooms. It's just that this one's under glass next to this woman. No, that sucks. You have a mic on your drone.

You could talk to the- Oh, yeah. Tell her to open the glass and hit the box. and hit the button, for security reasons, we have to do a diagnostic. Corporate here. We've been going for the corporate strategy

all the game. It's not worked once. Not worked once. Who else would be here with a drone? All right, let me get fired or what? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah.

All right, give me a deception check. It's a two minus a one. It was a two, not a natural one. It was just a one. No. But she says, no, I want to throw the drone into her head. All right, so she goes, ah, ah, ah.

She'll slice you up like ribbons. She jumps off of her dais and just starts running away from the drone. I take off my helmet because I'm going to I guess help in here. No, no, because you just jumped off her chair. You can flipy dip the thing with the drone. Go yell at the other people in the room to tell them to open up the end. You're right, you're right.

I'll play my mini game of trying to get this glass open where you guys fight them. Yeah, I'm not fight them. Let's stick with you for a second. So go ahead and if you're going to try to convince the other ones to do it. Sure, I'll try him with somebody else. Corporate here, I guess. This lady wants to get fired. Yeah, this lady wants to get fired.

Who wants to keep their job and flip this button open for me? Roll persuade or intimidate. Now remember, you can use your daddy magic to read. Just look at your daddy magic. Yeah, yeah. Like a dad bot. Here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. I'm using my dad bot. Yeah, clutch roll. Here we go on my bad dad bot table. You gameifying your relationship with your child, right? So it's like you, depending on how good your bond is with your kid, it gives you daddy magic points that you can use to do fun abilities. Yeah.

I have a very low dad bot because my kid hates me. Oh, that just means the DC check for doing whatever you're trying to do is going to be a little. Ah, yes. Okay. I'm going to try to do. Again, I'm still going to talk to my fellow. These people are fellow boys in blue, right? No, they're just accountants.

This is operations. Corborda was saying, we all feel like you all are part of our family, a little boys in blue, just heads up as I start my checks. Okay, you can count them as authoritative figures. I have a dad bod level of one, because again, my kid hates me. I don't have a good relationship.

I only see them once every four years. I've seen them twice since they were age three. So I, that means I do so that I had to roll a 17 or a 20 to be able to do any of the daddy magic spells. Above a 17 or yeah above a 17 or 20 above a 17. If I get an 18 19, don't down. I got 18. Yay.

And then I'm going to use, there's many daddy magic effects. I'm just going to do a thing where I essentially, when I do a check on a creature, so this would be like Christmas check, I get to re-roll if I fail. Okay. So I'm now doing charisma on one of these people. Yeah, either persuasion or intimidate. Okay.

The first one is eight. Okay. Second one's an natural 20. Yeah, boy. Wow. One of the accounts looks up and you can. goes, oh, okay. Now's my chance.

I don't want that to happen to me. Here we go. Meat, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And as he's saying this as he ascends the dais. Yeah, speed it up. He puts his hand on the glass. The glass, shh, opens, responding to the sigil on his hand. And he goes, you want me to press it?

Yeah, I'm going to count it down. And you press it when I say one. Okay. Eddie, ready? I'm ready. Three? As people are, like, pounding at the door. Let's say they break in in this moment.

Okay. I'm really strong so I can probably take them. I'll hold it. One. Fun. Fun. The second that the door bursts open, you both press the button. And now, Will you see the end of this long corridor, the door opens.

And the corpse of your four children. Nice. I'm going to run into the room. Oh, okay. Wait, but first, I'm going to, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Use some daddy magic. I'm going to use fucking, I got to, fucking spell. I get fucking

college prosecution spells. At third level, I get C invisibility. So I'm going to see if there's any fucking lasers Anthony's. There's a fuck done to lasers. Damn, lasers! So I see the lasers. I take a RICO read from my pocket, which is a fucking

little jazz read and I throw it through the right lasers to see if this is a like, they get sliced up. It comes out, it's toothpicks. It hits one of the laser. Damn, this was a three and a half and now it's a two and a half. Hold on. You throw the reed, was it just going through the laser, but nothing seems to have happened. Oh, okay.

Visibly. All right. But you could feel the room get hotter because it's, it just increases heat. Hot, hot, hot. Oh, I see. But you're already at max heat, so. Hey, easy. All right.

I run through. Okay. Go, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Can I make an acrobatics roll to Catherine Zeta Jones my way through these? Yes. Ah, yes. I do the dads.

And I'm going to do the same daddy magic thing to rerow my number because I want a good number. What level is your dad bod? You know, I have a great relationship with my kids, so I have level four. Nice. My son's bird and train love me so much. And they want to be jazz lawyers just by me. They suppress or cultivate bar to themselves to win my approval or avoid my disapproval. Yikes.

I think I maybe have too much pop-a power over these kids. Before you make an ability check, add or subtract 1D4 to the result. I'm going to just do that. So let me do a D4. It's like a little extra bardo for me. All right. I got an extra points. Make my acrobatics roll.

Ooh, I got a 24 plus 125. Wow. Wow. Okay, so yes, you successfully, Catherine Zeta Jones, but somehow more sensual. Pass all the lasers. Even possible. And you land happily in the middle of the elevator. Then I press the button for the floor where the kids are.

Can we say that Rook gets injured? slightly during the battle so that I can do a cool feat. Okay, great. We'll go back to you. So meanwhile, while that's happening, the door busts open, the guards see Brooke, and immediately one of them tases Brook fucking hoard for 13 days. I'm going to use my pain as mental feet.

When an ally takes a hit, you remind them that pain is just weakness leaving the body. Okay, well, it does say an ally and you're you. As a bonus action, choose one creature other than yourself that you can see that took damage since the end of your last turn. The creature regains 1D4 hit points as the sting fades from their memory. That's great. Once you use this ability, you can't use it again until you finish a short or long rest.

Thanks for the help. I agree. Pain is leaving the body. I gain one back. All right. We'll just jump back to the elevator shaft. There's a puzzle. You just go wipe out.

Wow, you solved it so quick. Oh, we solved it, eh? And then you get to the vault door. It's passcoded, but it's okay because the doors are open. And the reason that the doors are open are because what are your kids is the name? Bark and train, dude. Bird and train. My daughter's name is Rashley.

Bird train and rashly. Bird train and Rashley. The reason that Malcolm is there too, right? Malcolm, right? The reason that the doors are open are because you see large lizard people wearing the clothing that you last saw bird and train and smashly in. Rashley. Rashley. Rashley.

And they are eating Malcolm alive. What? That's a cliffhanger for the episode. Rashley, don't do that. Rashley, no. So you could run that one shot differently if you so wish. That was a pretty silly way of doing it. But all the actual cool mechanics that you heard there, the heat, the different rooms that

you have to hit the buttons at the same time. You could do it where the heat is the sexual tension. in the casino. That's great too. The entrapment lasers, all that. There's also a couple puzzles you didn't get to just because we've been recording for a while. This is also our soft launch for season 5 in my right? These are the characters we're playing for us. Oh, God. What are the other casino, fun casino games? Peanuckle, one-armed bandit, poker roulette. Do you have to poke someone? You'll have to buy the book to find out. There's why he's the best in the biz. There's a whole lot of prep stuff that this will save you.

And hopefully, as you could tell, we still added some stank on it to make a daddy's centric and yeah, thank you so much for listening. And this is only one of many one-shot adventures that will be in the book that track across the entirety of our non-specific fantasy land in which bully lugs and Padens and scam-likelies exist. Thanks so much. Check out the book, bookmedaddy.com. On my own. I'm getting late and I... White, the color of the calm.