Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 11.5 - Bonus Dungeon Sidequest Misadventure

Episode Date: June 25, 2019

This episode is a Patreon stretch goal bonus episode, which takes place partway through the events of Ep. 11. Henry gets wet, Darryl satisfies, Glenn blows it, and Ron gets his hands dirty.This episod...e contains profanity and sexual content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Join our Facebook group!Check out the subreddit!Project DADGUT is the group transcription projectDM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Basically, all the good stuff. That was a My Dad Wrote a Porno reference. Anyways, content warnings can be found in the episode description. The following bonus episode of Dungeons and Daddies exists solely because of our fine Patreon supporters who help make this show possible. And you could be one of them at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. and you could be one of them at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. Canonically, this episode takes place partway through the events of episode 11,
Starting point is 00:00:33 just after the dads load up into the minivan on the road to Rocca Porta to rescue Ron's son, Terry Jr., and before Henry accidentally lets slip a crucial pyramid-related detail. So sit back and enjoy this bonus episode, Dungeons and Daddies, finally, a bdsm podcast so welcome to dungeons and dad Daddies, a BDSM podcast. Yes. So you're in the car on your way to go to Rockport, where Ron's stepson is. And the new person you've absorbed into your merry gang of weirdos is in the back asleep and adorable. Aw, look at Payne back there, guys. Payne, shh. Don't wake him up. Don't wake him up.
Starting point is 00:01:23 I miss my kid, guys. Yeah, it's nice to have a kid on the adventure with us. Let's keep this one. Yeah. Well, we want to keep all of them, Ron. Oh, I like this one, though. Is there a kid you didn't keep? Well, I mean, Terry.
Starting point is 00:01:37 I have no idea where Terry is. That's true. I guess I didn't keep Grant either. We do have an idea where Terry is. I have no idea. Well, we're keeping Payton safe. That's for sure. Okay, well, keeping Peyton safe, that's for sure. Okay, well, Peyton's safe.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Where is Terry Jr. again? What does it say on the old list? Lizard Boy scales my stuff and pulls out the list, and he goes, Terry Jr. is in Rockport. And he's about to say Rockport. Roccaporta. Roccaporta. Somebody runs out into the trail in front of you.
Starting point is 00:02:02 I accelerate. Whoa! I slam on the brakes. Episode over. Sorry, no. They die, and an identical person also runs out
Starting point is 00:02:14 and goes, you killed my twin sister. No, I slam on the brakes. So you slam on the brakes, and as the dust clears, you see that it is a six-foot-tall, very jacked woman with thigh-high leather boots, and she goes, clears, you see that it is a six-foot-tall, very jacked woman with, like, thigh-high leather boots.
Starting point is 00:02:27 And she goes, hey, hold up. I need help real quick. Can you help me out with something? I roll down the window. Daryl Wilson, nice to meet you. What's your name, ma'am? Oh, it's a machine with a person in it. It doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:02:36 Okay, so long story short. I still have my hand out. Yeah. She comes by and, like, smacks it, like a high-five kind of. Does it hurt? Yeah, very badly. Okay, ow, I'm impressed. Am I getting this right?
Starting point is 00:02:49 It hurts, yay. Nice. Okay, so long story short, I gotta get to Waterdeep to get some shit done. Some of the new clients, sort of an emergency. Client? You sound like a business woman. I am, I own a business actually, thank you.
Starting point is 00:03:02 So if you could just do me a solid, I don't know who you are, but I feel like I'm getting a business actually thank you so if you could just do me a solid i don't know who you are but i i feel like i've just got i'm getting a good energy from you i'm getting a good consensual but weird but kind of dangerous energy that makes sense so what else sums it up you know she really hit the nail on the head there i gotta say i'm pretty impressed i'm very good at my job because i'm very good at sort of reading signals and getting getting the vibe of people very quickly and consensual but weird is a pretty good shirt. Hi, Henry Oak in the back here with my hand raised. So we all keep it down, Peyton's sleeping. Oh, sorry. Hey, it's me, Henry Oak in the back. We do have a child sleeping in
Starting point is 00:03:35 the back seat. That's the sound of him snoring. We're going to keep this quiet. I only ask this question because we've been on a lot of adventures and we met a lot of, we're not from around here. Morality seems to be on a different sort of axis than where we're from so well i do kind of have to ask what your business is because like bdsm what now is that does that mean what does that mean in this world means bondage domination sadism and masochism what are those last two words that's what it means in our world i mean mean, in the town that we're from. Great. Good.
Starting point is 00:04:07 Yeah, I mean, it should. What else would it mean? Sorry, still confused here. What does she do, guys? Why don't you ask her? What is that? Sorry. I don't want to misrepresent the subculture.
Starting point is 00:04:15 Oh, yeah. What do you do, ma'am? Generally, people will pay me money to enact certain fantasies. Like Lord of the Rings? There are people who do that. I don't specialize in that i specialize in the aforementioned b d s and m which are bondage domination statism and masochism referring to pay extra for rings bondage as in like tying somebody up or restraining them in
Starting point is 00:04:40 some way like torture no consensual torture like Like imagine, okay, so you're, maybe not you, maybe the other three of you. We get it, we get it. I feel like the other three of you might be good for this. Daryl, she's cool. Okay. It's good, I'm fine, we're good. It's a sex thing.
Starting point is 00:04:55 You don't have to have sex with anybody. I rolled out the window. You don't have to have sex. I rolled out the window. You know what, never mind. I'm going to flag down the next behemoth of little guys that comes in. We'll be right with you.
Starting point is 00:05:02 We'll be right with you. What's up? Do you want to call a dad huddle? Yeah. Dad huddle. I guess. Don't get too close though. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:10 Why? We have seatbelts on. Why do I not have to get too close to what is okay. Can you just explain to me? All right. I'm going to, what is it about? This is a sex thing.
Starting point is 00:05:19 Yeah. So I watched an episode of the HBO show, real sex at one point that talked about this. It was on, you know, I was scanning through the channels and I read an article or two on Vice and the, you know, various magazines. BuzzFeed. BuzzFeed. There were some GIFs that were very informative.
Starting point is 00:05:35 So it's, you know, for some people in the bedroom, they like to be tied up or, you know, told what to do or, you know, spanked or to, you know, they'd like to do the spanking. And so there are certain professionals that do this sort of thing. That facilitate this. They facilitate this and it's very cool and consensual. Glenn, I'm not trying to stereotype, but I feel as the rocker of the group, you probably... Hey man, yeah, you got all types out there. You know, I think what's important to understand is that human sexuality exists on a spectrum.
Starting point is 00:06:03 And I think it's important to be open minded with regards to what people are into and again as long as it's consensual which is a very important foundational tenant of the bdsm community it's all good man okay so she she she people have sex not necessarily necessarily but it's in the realm of all right yeah i i feel like maybe saying i have a kid i know i know what i'm talking i get it okay i get it i was a little confused i wrote down a little nut boy myself i wrote on the window guys so where i got nuts spawn i got fermented nut running around oh my god sorry ma'am uh yeah we can we can help right guys yeah come on in come on in i'm not coming into your van no no i'm going i'm Oh, what did you need our help for?
Starting point is 00:06:46 My dungeon, it's a little understaffed. I was the only one who came in today, but I just got this emergency sparrow about my client in Waterdeep, so I kind of need someone to fill in for me really quick. Can you do that? I rolled the window. You got me too. I rolled down the window.
Starting point is 00:07:05 Yes, sure thing. Perfect. Awesome. So she leans over to you. She has five strips of paper in her hand. And she goes, okay, so there's four clients in there. I'm going to give you these pieces of paper. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:07:16 There is the safe words written on here. And the other four are the specific kinks that those patrons have, along with a complete explanation of how they work and what you need to do, okay? How will we know the difference? Yeah, no, here you go, bye. Are we getting paid for this? Yeah, absolutely. If the clients are happy, when I come back,
Starting point is 00:07:31 I will give you some cool items for every client that you've satisfied. Do you have any business cards? Yeah. She reaches into her bustier and pulls out a fucking razor-sharp business card that is very similar to yours actually because that's your weapon right so like you find it very relatable and she sort of hands what's your name
Starting point is 00:07:49 what's it say ron it says um anthony is giving beth the i'm waiting what does it say, Beth? It says, Mistress Hardball Cough Drop. Hardball Cough Drop? That's me. Hardball Cough Drop. Some people call me Coffee. Some people call me Hardball. Some people just call me Ball. I'm going to call you Droppy.
Starting point is 00:08:21 Miss Hardball Cough Drop, I just want to... Look, Vron, I'm not i'm not gonna make any judgments glenn but um i don't believe in this whole what happens in forgone realm stays i'm i'm not gonna cheat on my wife oh sure for sure that's don't worry about it again you don't have to have sex with anybody yeah you establish the boundary because we you said sex yeah i mischaracterized remember keep it safe keep it. Keep it consensual. And remember the safe word. I'm out. Quick question.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Is there a Yelp in this universe? Do we have to worry about negative Yelp? Yelp reviews, like bad reviews. Like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There will be a lot of Yelping if you do your job right. Okay, very good. Daryl, if you want to call Carol and just clear the runway,
Starting point is 00:09:02 we're totally open to that. I think that's a good idea do you guys mind if i just call carol you're the best part about this is because this is on the van the bluetooth would totally pick up on his phone it would just be broadcast to the whole car i could take it off speakerphone unlike you do freddie just saying dad's only speakerphone all right i take out my phone do any roll to see if my battery dies uh but with advantage Just saying. Dad's only speakerphone. All right, I take out my phone. Do I need to roll to see if my battery dies?
Starting point is 00:09:28 But with advantage. 15. Okay, you're fine. All right, I call Carol. Did you find him yet? Hey, Carol. How's it going, my dear? Did you find him yet?
Starting point is 00:09:39 So we are actually... Where's Grant? We found Nick. We found Nick. And we're on our way to grant we know where he is um there's a little detour we have to make uh honey um i called the cops they can't find the van you guys just disappeared where did you take them we're in some new world and this there's this lady that needs our help and oh darnell why is dar. Does, okay... He went with me to the cops because you weren't here to be with me. Actually, this is good.
Starting point is 00:10:08 Can you put Darnell on the phone? Yes. Okay. Can I talk to Darnell? Darnell, is this you? He handed the phone back to me. He doesn't want to talk to you. Frankly, I don't either. Brilliant, brilliant. Okay, just really... Honey, do you know BDSM? I've heard it's not a sex.
Starting point is 00:10:28 Stop. I just hang up the phone. Daryl, how's it going? How's the call go? She, yeah, she knows what BDSM is, and she says whatever I got to do to get a grant. Hey, you know, that's great. Yeah. What a relief.
Starting point is 00:10:44 You know, me and Mercedes O. Garcia have a really supportive relationship about this Kyber thing. We're very open and experimental. Oh, yeah, same with us. So that's great, you know. Samantha and I have sex. I'm glad to hear that, Ron.
Starting point is 00:10:57 It's a good thing. You got to keep it going. Believe me, don't let that slip away. It doesn't slip away, if you know what I mean. Lizard Boy Scalesman. Ron, I needed that. That's a that's a
Starting point is 00:11:05 good laugh thanks i recall you saying you thought you were a virgin um well what is sex cool cool cool so as you continue in the car uh to your right you see a cave that over its uh entrance has a big sign lit with a spectral flame that flickers on and off and it just says the dungeon. You guys think this is the right place? I think it's gotta be. I bet you this is really confusing for the people in this world who are, you know, like sort of the more traditional people trying to, yeah. There's probably a group
Starting point is 00:11:35 of them milling around outside. How do you know this is the dungeon where this happens as opposed to the one that, you know, the king is captured in? Yeah. You know? Like, or if there's a dragon, you know, with a dungeon, you know, how do you know this is not his dungeon and then is instead the this is a great seinfeldian little aside as you drive in uh the gravel road slowly gives way to what feels like a plush carpet underneath your feet as we walk in sorry yeah as you walk carpet is definitely what you want with a room full of fluids this man who's rented carpet cleaners in
Starting point is 00:12:08 his time sorry it's fine no it's fine it's fine i keep interrupting too so yeah as you walk in the gravel road slowly turns into plush carpet and as the sunlight from behind you gets dimmer the light of the dungeon within gets a little bit brighter and it's this very cool ambient like kind of pink light that seems to have been made with thaumaturgy or yeah whatever that fucking dnd abilities allows you allows you to do weird shit with the color of flames cool basically in front of you there's a desk where presumably the secretary would be or whoever was taking calls it's empty right now there's nobody here but you and whoever is behind the four doors in front of you it seems like the doors have no bearing on what's inside of them because the noises
Starting point is 00:12:45 that you hear from, for instance, this door that's shaped like a skull is someone moaning in ecstasy and the door that's shaped like a heart has somebody kind of like whining.
Starting point is 00:12:54 So there's basically... What are the other two doors shaped like, Anthony? One is shaped like a boot. Okay. And the other is shaped like a knife. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:13:03 So Anthony is currently handing out strips of paper. And then what's written on these? According to Hardball Cough Drop, basically you have five slips of paper that I've given to the group. One of the phrases on there is the safe word that is used by everybody in the dungeon.
Starting point is 00:13:17 The other four are descriptions of and explanations of the kinks that the four individual customers have. Ah, okay. Dead huddle. Dead huddle. Dead huddle. Before we go in here and do this thing, let's swap notes here.
Starting point is 00:13:30 What do you have on your piece of paper? I think I have the safe word. I think it says banana. Like banana? Banana. What do you think, Glenn? What do you think, Glenn? Well, so here's the problem is I think I have the safe word.
Starting point is 00:13:44 Because mine is bae, bae. Bae is in the sort of hip, cool way that kids refer to, you know, the people they're dating. It's like, you're bae, you know? Is that a thing? Yeah, yeah, man. It's youth culture. These kids with their slang. These kids, they come up with just these cool words all the time.
Starting point is 00:13:57 What just happened to your best gal? It's like babies too long? Nah, it's bae. It's two of them. Well, you know, they only have 140 characters. Am I right, fellas? I always refer to Samantha as my harbor. no it's babe that's two of them well you know they only have 140 characters am i right fellas i always refer to samantha is my harbor oh i like that that's very sweet or weird i can't tell uh i have the word fin dom as in f-y-n-n dom i recognize dom which i think is like dominant
Starting point is 00:14:22 yeah so but i don't know if that means you want to be domed by Finn or Finn's doing the doming. I think this is one of the kinks. Okay. I'm going to put that out there. I think that I have one kink and one safe word. Okay. The kink is... Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:43 The kink is cuck. I mean, the kink is cuck i mean the kink is cuck how do you spell that it's spelled k-u-k-k and then what i what i think it might be um it should feel like a safe word for us men. It's cry. It's cry. K-R-Y-Y. K-R-Y-Y. Fyndom. Cook with three Ks, which seems interesting. Whoops, that was unintentional. That's not part of it.
Starting point is 00:15:17 That's not part of it. Ignore that. There's a lot of Ks in this. Bebe and Banane. You said one was a safe word and one were uh kinks and descriptions one is a safe word the other four are the kinks and she didn't realize that you have so little expertise with this stuff she thought she assumed that writing what the kink was would be a sufficient explanation of it oh all right well uh these are not helpful. Can I roll maybe an insight check? Good fucking luck.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Arcana. Arcana. Here we go. I got a nine. A nine. A nine is not going to do it. You look at these words and they're just words to you. Fellas, I don't think I know what these words mean.
Starting point is 00:15:56 Can we just guess? Yeah, Ron, we can guess. I'd like to do just a perception check on the secretary's desk if there's anything, if no, any interesting things there. Okay, go ahead and roll. I got three. Nope. There's a lot of hand sanitizer.
Starting point is 00:16:09 Yeah, I'm going to go get a couple pumps of that. Daryl's just like putting it on like perfume and rubbing his hand and he's putting it everywhere. Good thinking there, Glenn. I'm also going to search the desk. Okay. I got a natural 20. Okay. Ooh, nice.
Starting point is 00:16:22 Weird, just hand sanitizer. Just a shitload of hand sanitizer. Just a hand sanitizer. But you recognize that it's sage infused, so it has a nice scent. I'm very familiar with this hand sanitizer. Actually, no, with your 20, you also find a potion of healing.
Starting point is 00:16:37 Oh, okay. This could come in handy. Sort of an emergency, just in case something ever went wrong. It's okay, just a stew. Yeah, we can take that. We'll put it back. But they might not want it. or we might not want it.
Starting point is 00:16:46 Yeah. We might want it. We might not want it. There's four clients on the other sides of these doors, and we need to kind of go in there and hit it out of the park on their kink, or they're not going to have a good time, and then we're not going to get those items, which can be used to help our sons.
Starting point is 00:17:03 I mean, can we stick together? I don't know if I want to just there's no reason why we got to do this separately. So you saying all four of us go room by room sort of like a BDSM SWAT team. Yeah. BDSM.
Starting point is 00:17:17 This is the first time I felt comfortable in this place. BDSM SWAT team. I like that. BDSM FBI. So a bondage domination, a sadism, masochism, special weapons and tactics, sexy weapons and tactics. Okay. Now I'm getting a little nervous. Henry Oaks getting a little nervous. Tell us what we had to do. It feels like, you know, we should just check. She did not give us a lot of instruction. Make sure these customers are okay. You don't split up in a horror movie.
Starting point is 00:17:45 And I'm not saying this is a horror movie, but, you know, I don't know if I need a perception check. I want to hear what's coming out of every door. Hey, guys, let's just kind of try to hear a peek of what's going on in here. Let's scope it out. Scope it out. Okay, from the skull door, you hear what sounds like two people moaning in ecstasy. Looks like they're already done in there. From the heart door, you hear someone
Starting point is 00:18:05 whining like, hmm. Sounds like they're not having a great time yet. Or they're having a really good time if they want to not have a great time. We should be careful. This one might just be the bathroom. We should knock first. I think we should knock on all of them first. That's a good idea, Ron. From the
Starting point is 00:18:21 boot door, you hear clinking, like metal clinking together. Metal clinking together? And then from the knife door, you don't hear anything. Guys, let's try this knife door. You want to try the knife door? Let's try the knife door. It feels like if for one, for all of us to go in,
Starting point is 00:18:39 the one that's shaped like a weapon is a good one for us to be together on. I don't know why, but oh, no, I see what you mean. That makes sense. Yeah, Ron, you said we should knock on that door and see what happens. Um, hello? Um, knock, knock. I understand if you can't get to the door
Starting point is 00:18:58 right now, you might be all tied up, so to speak, but we're just wondering what's going on with you. Knock, knock. You hear. Oh, that doesn't sound like it's going well. Okay, guys, give me 10 seconds.
Starting point is 00:19:17 Okay. All right. And then I will signal whether the rest of you should come in or you should move on to the next door. All right. I hold out hand sanitizer to give you an extra little squeeze. We don't want to blow this. Unless you do want to blow it.
Starting point is 00:19:29 Okay, thanks, guys. What's your signal word? My signal word is going to be ha-cha-cha-cha. And that means it's going great. If I say not-cha-cha-cha, that means you guys should come in. Okay? All right, okay.
Starting point is 00:19:42 Okay. But if it's going great shouldn't we also come in no you should go on to the next room okay okay it's clientele right this is working with clients you don't want to overwhelm them we don't want to all just bust a nest if we don't have to good point yeah you know i once worked at a certain facility where customer service was very important and i'll leave it at that okay Make sure you know the safe words. The deep lore secrets of Geico. I enter. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:09 You see an eight foot tall orc with a necklace of small skulls and a scar going down his face, and he's standing staring at you with his arms crossed, and he goes, about time. Hello. And then I stare at him him he stares back at you i am in charge now he he fucking laughs at that and he goes yeah i doubt it i'm way stronger than
Starting point is 00:20:38 you are you do you want to put that to a test my my friend? Henry Oga's flop sweating right now. He goes, I mean, if you want to. Is that what you want me to want? Not really. I mean, it's pretty obvious I'm strong. Every part of me is strong. My muscles, my brain, my heart, it's all strong. Henry, how's it going in there?
Starting point is 00:21:06 I think this is, I'm gonna... You're right. You are strong. You're very strong. What do you want to do with me? You're so strong. I'm so scared of you right now. He, like, winces and is like, that's not how this is... Of course it's not, you dummy!
Starting point is 00:21:21 Hey, well, hey now. Hey. That's right. I'm not dumb. You're weak. That's right. I'm not dumb. You're weak. He's weak. You're weak. No, I'm strong. You're super weak and you're going to get on your knees
Starting point is 00:21:34 for me. I'm not. Henry, maybe say the words. Findom. No. Alright, we can scratch Findom off the list, guys. So he sighs really heavily and then like sits back down. I'm sorry, man. It's my first day.
Starting point is 00:21:46 That much is obvious. Well, look, just tell me what you want and I can work with you and then we can start over. You were supposed to try to make me cry. I'm supposed to try to make you cry. Because I'm strong and I wanted to feel weak. Like emotionally, it's I've never gotten to feel that emotional release. That's really sad, man. It's not sad.
Starting point is 00:22:02 I'm just a person who hasn't been able to cry and I wanted to experience it. Well, I'm just saying that as a human being, I empathize with you not being able to cry. This is not making me cry. You're not helping me out. You're infantilizing me. I'm sorry that that's really, that sounds really frustrating. Where do you think your issues come from that you can't cry? Don't try to do this.
Starting point is 00:22:18 It's too late now. What's too late? You're going to try to make me cry. You're going to try to make me open up and then make me cry. It's not going to happen. Is that what you feel like? Do you feel like it's too late for you? Do you feel like it's too late for you to change? Yeah. Well, what do you want to change
Starting point is 00:22:30 into? What do you feel like it's too late for you to change into? I mean, I don't know. I never had any... I see what you're doing. I'm not doing... Go ahead and roll persuasion. Outside the door, Ron is already crying. Natural 20! Ooh, baby! That's 200. What the fuck is up with those dice?
Starting point is 00:22:47 All right. He goes, what's your name? Look at me. What's your name? My name is Bloodspear the Unforgiving. Bloodspear the Unforgiving. I forgive you. It's not your fault.
Starting point is 00:23:00 It's not your fault. And I hug him. It's not your fault. Guys, we should all go in and hug him no no no stay out it's not your fault just let it out you're forgiven my father made me in his image to be a killer
Starting point is 00:23:18 even better than him the biggest skull on my necklace is his but I never got to tell him how I really feel just tell me tell i mean i tell me right now what you feel i love you dude and tears start streaming down his cheeks big fucking fat like water balloons just hitting your shoulders of tears from this massive massive man uh and the once they start they don't stop coming and like he just sort of pushes you away just goes in the field because this is a tender moment matthew and he goes in the field position starts crying and rocking back and forth
Starting point is 00:23:49 like his whole body just like sort of shaking and then finally he sort of sits up and he wipes his eyes he goes thank you so much that was great that was that was exactly what i needed great i'm really glad to hear that so you think you work through your stuff with your dad are you gonna like you know oh no that's gonna take way more therapy okay that's fair enough but yeah no i definitely got to feel what it's like to cry and to also get this voice back after that last few sentences of Anthony, just sounding like Anthony. Um, but no, that was great. That was great. I'll definitely put in a good word for you with hardball. Okay. Well, thanks blood spear. No problem, man. All right. Well, you have a good
Starting point is 00:24:17 one. Yeah. You too. Hey, are you going to be back here like next week or because I was thinking about doing it again? Almost certainly not, but i will pass along all everything i learned you know sort of like my do's and don'ts tips and tricks okay you know like pro tips i'll pass that along to your next person all right i appreciate it okay great i i walk out of the room completely so yeah i don't know that you guys ever saw any of that i just come out drenched in water no we heard it inside uh guys i i think i've done bdsm doesn't seem like a big deal why don't you give this next door shot i think maybe you should do the next door all right i go the heart door okay so the heart door was the one with the whining behind it yeah there's another person needing to cry probably all right i got this no i can do it on my own so you see it a wizened old man with a pointed hat and a cloak that seems to change color every time you look at it.
Starting point is 00:25:11 When it catches your eye, you're tempted to sort of look away, but it's so alluring that you can't, almost as if you're being hypnotized by it. And he sees you having this reaction to his cloak. He goes, ugh. And then sort of, what's this thing you do when you take something and go like, shake it? Flip flop. You flop the cloak. He sort of flops the cloak, and it stops doing that and sort of turns into this very thing you do when you take something and go like, flip flop. You flop the cloak. He sort of flops the cloak and it stops doing that
Starting point is 00:25:26 and sort of turns into this very neutral kind of black color. And he looks at you and he just pouts his lips and he's got his arms crossed and he sits down. Hey, sir, Daryl Wilson. Nice to meet you.
Starting point is 00:25:38 I put my hand out. You need to cry too or something? I pooped my diapy. It's baby. It's baby. It's baby. It's baby. It's baby.
Starting point is 00:25:50 Daryl. Daryl. He wants you to treat him like a baby. Oh. I pooped my diapy. I did a boom boom. Oh. All right.
Starting point is 00:26:00 Hey, boys, can you do me a favor? Can you just look away for a second? Sure. We are definitely not in here. All right. Hey there, old buddy. You pooped your diaper? You're right you just look away for a second? Sure. We are definitely not in here. Alright. Hey there old buddy. You pooped your diaper? Here, right? Lay down there for a second. I did it. I did a bad.
Starting point is 00:26:12 You did a bad? Yes. No, you didn't. There's no such thing as a bad with a poop, everybody poops. Why don't you just sit down? Alright. Let me just sit down. Alright, buddy. I sat down. Yes. Alright. I'm going to change your diaper. You got diapers? I do. Alright, let me change your diaper. In the bag over there. In the bag. Okay, here's a diaper. Back that I brought.
Starting point is 00:26:26 Oh, that's a lot of poop there, buddy. It is. That's a lot of poop there, buddy. Had a big breakfast. Big breakfast. Many nummies. Mmm, nummies. And it came right out of me.
Starting point is 00:26:35 Look at your little hands. Look at your little hands. My hands are very little. They are very little. Look, put those delicious fingers in a ball, or I'm going to eat them all. Look at these little toes so small. Before you grow big and tall. Nom, nom, nom.
Starting point is 00:26:48 I'm going to eat your legs and arms. Oh, no, someone pulled the alarm. Now I got to run away. But I'm going to eat you another day. How you doing there, buddy? There you go. Your diaper's all done. Nobody even knows.
Starting point is 00:27:01 I would never accuse Matt of not being dedicated to his character, but that is clearly not a Daryl Wilson rhyme. Nobody even knows. I would never accuse Matt of not being dedicated to his character, but that is clearly not a Daryl Wilson rhyme. He broke Anthony in his speechless speech. It definitely feels like we got a lot of Matt there, don't you think, guys? Oh, my God. Should I roll a dice or something?
Starting point is 00:27:27 We're well beyond that. No way. So you change his diapy and he goes, Delectable. I wish to be fed. Alright. Well, you got formula? You got milk? Formula in the bag. Alright. I open you got, what do you do? Formula? You got milk?
Starting point is 00:27:45 Formula in the bag. All right. I open the bag. What do I find in there? You find, you find just a slab of steak. A slab of steak? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:59 All right. Well, yeah. All right, buddy. Here you go. How do you eat this thing? And he moves his head away. Oh, no. And he goes
Starting point is 00:28:05 too big too big cut up hey uh does somebody have a knife i i kind of look at the door like a bird like a i think this is a mama bird situation oh all right watch planet earth yeah yeah i know i know what you mean uh okay um it's like a charleston chew but it's a meat, and you have to give it up after you eat it. I take a big bite of the steak. I'm like, you want me to chew it up there, buddy? You want to make sure it's nice and soft for you? Yes, please. Okay.
Starting point is 00:28:33 Daryl's thinking about it. He's missing Grant a little bit. What? Yeah, he's just missing having a little kid. Oh, he's regressing. That's what it is. He's eating up his meat. All right, buddy.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I take it out. I put it. Oh, here you go.. That's what it is. He's eating up his meat. All right, buddy. I take it out. I put it out. Oh, here you go. I spit out my hand. And I go, here you go, buddy. A little airplane. What is an airplane? And as he's saying that, I just throw it into his mouth.
Starting point is 00:28:58 I go, there you go. Chew, chew, chew. He chews it up and swallows it. He goes, mmm, delicious. And he stands up and he goes, I thank you, sir. He sort of shimmers his cloak again and it sort of goes back to the way it was. And he wipes a little bit of steak from his lip. And he reaches out his hands to clasp one of your hands and he bows.
Starting point is 00:29:15 And he says, in all the years I've come to the dungeon, none have satisfied my particular desires with the skill that you have just used on me. So I thank you, sir. I appreciate that, sir. I thank thank you very much kind sir what would be thy name uh no it is better if i do not know we will be merely ships passing in the baby night and to you i say adieu all right flourishes his cloak once more and then all of a sudden he's just not there anymore whoa wow there was walks out uh guys i'm not gonna do the other two I think that's enough for me. I just sit down at the secretary desk. Quietly.
Starting point is 00:29:51 Chewing the rest of the steak that you didn't get. Side huddle. Daryl really got into that. He's a pro. Well, I'll go up next here. This boot door looks pretty cool. Like the Italian door, you know. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:04 We did a tour of italy doing some christmas songs a couple years ago i feel like i'm well equipped you went to an olive garden i wonder if there's breadsticks yeah the tour of italy yeah referring to the time i was at olive garden i got the tour of italy which is uh cheese sticks and uh yeah it is uh fettuccine alfredo a little bit of lasagna, and the fucking chicken parmigiana. Wow. An Olive Garden expert. When I grew up in Arizona, I didn't know that Olive Garden wasn't fancy.
Starting point is 00:30:31 I thought that Olive Garden wasn't as fancy as Macaroni Grill, but that it was still really nice. Yeah, same. I was literally 20 until I was like, oh, that's stupid people food. Whoa. No, no, no, because LA teaches me, I'm supposed to look down on people who like Olive Garden when Olive Garden is actually still very
Starting point is 00:30:47 good. I love Olive Garden and I wish I was there right now. But like, I love you guys. I just like. You wish this was
Starting point is 00:30:54 happening in an Olive Garden. Yes. That would actually be a weird, a very weird bonus thing. Like we'll record something at an
Starting point is 00:31:00 Olive Garden. We'll record a BDSM podcast at an Olive Garden. Dungeons and Daddies when you're here, you're family. Literally. something at an olive garden we'll record a bdsm podcast and all the daddies when you're here your family literally so i'm going to open the the boot door okay so this was when you heard the clinking behind yes and you see just a man-sized banana sitting in front of a sitting before
Starting point is 00:31:25 a pile of coins a pile of gold coins and across from him there's a rat hawking a bunch of wares out of a little merchant's booth. What? And the banana is just clinking his coins together like a poker player
Starting point is 00:31:44 using shuffle chips. To be clear, a. And the banana is just clinking his coins together like a poker player using shuffle chips. To be clear, a man-sized banana, does he have appendages? Yes, he has arms and legs and sentience. He's a face. He's a banana in pajamas. He's in pajamas. Yeah, he's rejected by Don's Hertzfeld, I'm a banana type of creature. Fruit of the gloom over here.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Is he like a green banana or kind of ripe? He's pretty ripe. He's like yellowish. Cool. He's got a couple spots that are just coming in a green banana or kind of ripe? He's pretty ripe. He's like yellowish. Cool. He's got a couple spots that are just coming in, but they're like kind of like fetching
Starting point is 00:32:09 and a beauty mark kind of way. Salt and pepper. Yeah, does he speak? Or how do they speak? The banana? Like it's got a mouth? Yeah, it's got a mouth.
Starting point is 00:32:16 Oh, okay. It's got a mouth and a face. I'm trying to picture it in my head. It has an eyes, no nose, and a mouth.
Starting point is 00:32:20 So is it like the internet meme with the dancing banana essentially? Oh, actually, it is kind of like that, I guess. I hadn't thought about it that way, but yeah. It's peanut butter jelly time. And to be clear, there's a banana and a rat.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Yeah, there's a banana playing with some coins and then across the way on the opposite side of the room is a rat standing at a merchant's booth with a bunch of stuff in front of him. Hey fellas, my name is Glenn. You guys engaging in some banana? So the banana like goes like, oh, nothing happened.
Starting point is 00:32:48 I'm sorry. Nothing happened. I'm sorry. I misspoke. Are you fucking kidding me? I misspoke. I misspoke. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:32:53 I was just commenting on your banana. What did I do? No, no, no. You did nothing. I'm just commenting. I was just commenting on you resemble the banana. I'm sorry. I don't know what that is. That's what I'm telling you. It's what you resemble. I'm from a on your, you resemble the banana. I'm sorry. I don't know what that is.
Starting point is 00:33:05 That's what I'm telling you. It's what you resemble. I'm from a different world, man. You look like a, well, anyway. I should have told you not to, geez, the one word. And it's the first thing you say. I am flaccid beyond recognition right now. Are you kidding me?
Starting point is 00:33:21 Hold on, man. Hold on. Are you fucking joking right now? Hey, man. I'm going to leave you a very bad Yelp where I go to fucking the giant National Public Radio and just shout very loudly about how bad of an experience this was. Hold on one second. Glenn, are you fucking this up?
Starting point is 00:33:36 Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I'm going to go ahead and cast Charm Person on the man-sized banana to try and turn this around. All right. Go ahead. That's a wisdom saving throw. It's a wisdom saving throw for me, right? A a 13 wood some say it's like whiplash to hear you try to cast the spell
Starting point is 00:33:49 that's right i go hold on hold on man i was just uh no no harm intended man let's uh let's make this as uh as a comfortable and as enjoyable experience as possible my man his his anger kind of dissipates a little bit he goes goes, I guess if you're new. Sorry, I am new. All right, I'll give you one chance. We'll start all this up. Leave and come back in. All right, no problem.
Starting point is 00:34:13 I go back outside. Guys, I think I'm having a flashback. There's a man-sized banana. I know this sounds crazy. There's a man-sized banana. Glenn, there's not a man-sized banana in that room. And he told me the safe word is banana. Ron, that's the safe word.
Starting point is 00:34:30 Don't say it. Oh, holy shit. Is it a ripe banana? If it was a banana, like from Trader Joe's, it would be pretty. Oh, man. I'm freaking out, man. Glenn, I chewed a steak and put it in an old man's mouth. You can just get back in there, buddy.
Starting point is 00:34:43 Okay. Okay. I steal myself and go back in. And I's mouth you can just get back in there buddy okay okay i steal myself and go back in and i go sorry just one thing really quick is this the uh cuck of the fin dom room they've got the labels mixed up outside he just stands i just fucking like pushes his coins away he goes this is you've ruined it you have completely ruined it holy shit and he just fucking stands up and takes his coins with him and then just fucking bolts just walks right past you doesn't give a shit about you. The three of you who are standing outside of the boot room,
Starting point is 00:35:08 you are knocked aside by an angry-looking bipedal banana that just walks by in an absolute huff going, fucking ridiculous. Hey, Darryl Wilson, that's me. Where you going, buddy? And he just throws up a defiant hand and just walks away out of the fucking cave. Sorry you had to split.
Starting point is 00:35:27 Holy shit. Everybody roll a d4 damage. I guess this wasn't appealing. Ooh, good. I got a one, so I'm not going to come up with a joke. Sorry. Shit. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:39 Oh, no. Oh, man, that dice is as slippery as a banana peel. Get it. For all those listening at home, the die fell on the floor and I, thinking quick, I said it was as slippery as a banana peel. There's still a rat in there, right? There is still a rat in there. Hey, rat dude.
Starting point is 00:35:56 Yeah, what's up? Hey, what's your name, bud? My name is Shinji. Oh, cool. How's it going, man? It's going all right. It'd be going even better if you wanted to buy something. That guy was supposed to buy some stuff and he did not.
Starting point is 00:36:06 So what are you into, my man? Money. Money. All right. Dirty money, huh? I'm not one of those. I'm not part of this whole thing. Oh, I see how you're playing.
Starting point is 00:36:14 I would prefer it if you just... I don't think it's going very well with Glenn. We should better go help him out. I run into the boot door room and I go, what's going on? What happened? I saw a big banana run out of there. Yeah, I don't know about that guy, but I think it's the it's the rat here this guy shinji he's got a lot of stuff to sell shinji i sit down in front of like what kind of wares you got shinji so i got some uh
Starting point is 00:36:34 some items sent in by some patreon subscribers oh my god surreal shit a blacksmith named craig elder uh created this it's called the ward cleaver and it's an axe that removes magical enchantments that's very good that's a very good pun i'll say daryl wilson upon seeing the banana going past definitely just came to join the rest of the dads in this room since everybody else seems to be in here hey daryl did you hear this guy's on a knife called the ward cleaver that's pretty cool yeah an axe is axe is pretty cool. I don't get... As in from Leave it to Beaver, guys? Ward Cleaver.
Starting point is 00:37:09 Oh, yeah. Oh. Come on, Glenn. Wow, that's really good. Father of the beach. Yeah. One of my favorite dads. You want me to...
Starting point is 00:37:16 How much is this? Oh, this would be a cool 10 gold coins. You'd be like haggling, huh? Glenn, Glenn, I don't... What about two gold coins? What if he's... No. What about two gold coins? What if he's. No. What about two or a walk?
Starting point is 00:37:30 So that's like all our money to buy the Ward Cleaver. What else you got? Henry, hold on, hold on, hold on. You want me to buy this, don't you? Glenn, he's not into it. He's not bananing. Wait, wait, listen, listen, Henry. Some men drive hard bargains.
Starting point is 00:37:44 That's true. And some men are hard for bargains. Yeah, come on, Henry. Some men drive hard bargains. That's true. And some men are hard for bargains. Yeah, come on, man. Trying to keep an open mind, dude. Anyway. How many items you got? I got three to choose from. You want me to tell you all the items
Starting point is 00:37:56 and then you can decide what you want to buy? Yeah, it feels like the people who paid to get those items in the shop would want to hear all their items said. So from the top, we got the Ward Cleaver, which again is an axe that destroys any magical enchantments. Is there a beaver I could leave it with? Oh boy.
Starting point is 00:38:12 Oh boy. Why do people keep saying that? I have no idea. Then we got this sweet baby, and he pulls up what looks to be a white, yellow, and pink fanny pack, and he goes, this was made by a seamstress, or what's the male version of a seamstress? A tailor named Alex Connell.
Starting point is 00:38:30 And this is the fanny pack of holding. By the way, thank you to Jeremy Bauer, Haley Klein, and Kyle Nargong for also submitting a similar item, also called the fanny pack of holding. This may look like it doesn't take that much, but watch this. And then he opens it up and thrusts his hand into it.
Starting point is 00:38:44 And it goes like all the way, like it should have gone all the way through, but it's like bigger on the inside. Oh my gosh. It's like a magic trick. That's even better than my Patagonia fanny pack that I left back home. Yeah, it's roughly two feet in diameter at the mouth
Starting point is 00:38:57 and it's four feet deep. It can hold 500 pounds. And if it's overloaded, pierced, or torn, it ruptures and it's destroyed and its contents are scattered in the astral plane. That happened to me at Disneyland when we went. Sounds like it was a bummer. Yeah, it was a real bummer.
Starting point is 00:39:12 Granola everywhere. Sounds like a good way to get rid of a body. That's actually a really good point. Actually, incidentally, breathing creatures inside the fanny pack can survive in minutes equal to 10 divided by the number of creatures inside the pack. I said sounds like a good way to get rid of a dead body.
Starting point is 00:39:26 Oh, yeah, absolutely. You'd be amazing at that. Yes, for sure. So what's the third item? So this one was made by, this is a very common name in the Forgotten Realm. So if you know somebody with this name, it's not this guy. It's a different guy. But Peyton Bennett's created.
Starting point is 00:39:40 Oh, Peyton. Peyton. I cannot say enough. It's probably not the person that you've met. Oh, ask them. They're a dwarven tinker and they made this and it may look like a simple watch with several buttons on it and a small sort of digital screen on it
Starting point is 00:39:54 with the words Casio written across the side. But when you put this on, you gain the ability of finger guns. And if you can use, if you can use both hands and a finger gun action, you can shoot in in quotation marks, at a humanoid figure, and it'll make the enemy have disadvantage
Starting point is 00:40:08 on their next charisma check or saving throw due to the sheer power of the move. But it has to be accompanied by a wink. If you don't remember to verbally state that you wink, you, the person with the watch, get disadvantage. Hey, how much is that Casillo? How much is the Casillo? Also 10 coins.
Starting point is 00:40:24 We'll take all three for 14, buddy. All three for 14? That's not that's like less than 50%. That's all we got. I'm just telling you straight up right now we got 14. We want all three of those items. You either take it or leave it. I understand if you can't, you're running a business, but we're telling you straight. You can roll persuasion.
Starting point is 00:40:40 That's a 13. Can somebody support me in persuasion? Excuse me, Mr. Rat. Let's put it this way, Rat buddy. What's your name? Shinji. Shinji. Well, most good businesses, and I would know I am a businessman. I'm a business person.
Starting point is 00:40:53 Give me a card. Let's exchange cards. Yeah, this is my business card. All right, he takes one and he like pulls out of the fanny pack of holding a business card of his. It's like the size of him and he hands it to you. And it just says like Shinji. Thank you. There's no contact information whatsoever. I was going to say that the best businesses,
Starting point is 00:41:11 and I would know because I am a businessman, are run by word of mouth. So, you know, I'm just saying. We'll do some advertising for you, man. We'll do some like viral advertising. We'll give you 14. Get your name out there. 14 coins, gold, and then...
Starting point is 00:41:26 16 coins worth of free advertising. There's a concept in our world known as exposure. There's a lot of that around here. I'll do you one better. This is the kind of exposure that people would kill to get. What we got outside is a bright white metallic beast, and we can do what's called an ad wrap around it. And we can put your name on the side of it. We can put your it and we can put your name on the side of your sign you put your sign on the side of this main van we're traveling all
Starting point is 00:41:50 around these realms and everyone we've seen by the way you can't miss it you go anywhere go to you ask him and never winter ask him and never winter and uh everyone they'll remember that white van it's a real iconic thing that's been driving around the lands everywhere there's a beer there's a beer company daryl barrel special that is all over the entire south coast now it's a real iconic thing that's been driving around the lands everywhere there's a beer there's a beer company daryl barrel special that is all over the entire south coast now is all drinking beer because of our there is a legendary vehicle in our world known as the wienermobile again they have that here too this is a mighty vehicle that is an advertisement for a brand of meat and everyone knows it because of the wiener mobile this could be your wiener mobile all right all right you know what let's say 10 gold and i
Starting point is 00:42:32 get my name on you on your behemoth deal deal that works for me guys all right perfect i guess while you're dealing with whatever's in that other room i'm gonna just go plaster my lovely visage all over the sides of your your behemoth okay don't wake up the child who's sleeping inside. Oh, I would never do that. You guys left a window open for Peyton, right? You come back and he's dead. I turned to the rest of the dads, very confident in myself, dusting my hands, being like,
Starting point is 00:42:56 I think Shinji got exactly what he wanted, guys. He was a business guy, and I don't know which one of those words it was, but I think I took care of him pretty well. You did a great job. You sure did. You did a good guy, and I don't know which one of those words it was, but I think I took care of him pretty well. You did a great job. You sure did. You did a good job, Glenn. Good job. I look at the other dad shaking my head vigorously.
Starting point is 00:43:12 You're an inspiration to all BDSMers. Oh, I'm so excited to open this door. Get in there, Slugger. Which door are we going in again? You have the skull door. Oh, the skull door. Get in there, slugger. Which door are we going in again? You have the skull door. Oh, the skull door. Okay. Very inviting. I open up
Starting point is 00:43:30 and I go, Yoo-hoo! So you see a beautiful female elf and an half-beautiful male half-elf and he is rubbing her ears and she's like moaning in delight.
Starting point is 00:43:46 And then he sees you come in and goes like, oh no. And like steps away from her. And he's like, why are you here? What have you come here for? Ron's voice completely changes and becomes just a little bit more smooth and stuff. I came.
Starting point is 00:44:04 It's so different. to fuck your stag wait i i mean i came to go stag on your stag wait a minute i i came to have a a stag hen do a stag affair he's like nodding and sort of going you're almost there with his fingers. And he goes like, oh no, don't do that, as his eyes get all big and bright. But I will do that. But don't, I don't want you to. I want you to go stag while I hang out with your,
Starting point is 00:44:42 I want you to watch, man. I want you to watch. Oh, no, don't make me do that. I'm gonna make you watch. He says, a smile slowly creeping onto his face. I approach the elf. I say, hello, how are you? He goes, I'm fine.
Starting point is 00:44:57 You're much more attractive than him. Oh, thank you. I mean, that's right, I am. And he goes, no, with a massive smile on his face. Anyway, would you like to... Something about anyway is the funniest thing you could have possibly said there. As I was saying. As I was saying, I don't think that your elven husband would like us to hang out very much.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Because when you hang out with a sampler, you become a trampler. But that's not like me saying that you're a tramp. That's me saying that. Being called a slut is not my thing, personally. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. Looks like we've got an audience of one, and I'd like to keep it that way.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Guys, guys, stop looking in the door. Daryl cannot stop watching. Daryl's having a reaction to this scene. No, no, no. He's just confused. Daryl, Daryl, Daryl, I turned Daryl around. Would you consent to having sexual relations with
Starting point is 00:46:12 me while your husband elf watches? No, no, no. I mean, we usually... Bob, don't cheat on your wife. We usually just do the ear rubbing thing, but if you want to have full penetrative sex, I suppose we could do that what's the difference oh no no oh boy um you know what when you put it that way i guess there isn't one so whatever you would prefer to do um i i give her earlobes a little gentle tug.
Starting point is 00:46:45 And she's like, oh, and, and the guy, so roll, actually roll dexterity. I mean, Daryl like grabs his own earlobes. He's just kind of like, does that feel good? 18. All right. So she immediately starts moaning in ecstasy and the guy is like, has his palms on his cheeks, just like pulling his cheeks down, like going, oh, no. Like losing his fucking mind.
Starting point is 00:47:08 I hate that I watch you do that. As Ron's pulling on her earlobes, he looks over, he's like, I'm sorry that you have to watch this, but I'm not sorry because I think that it's what you. Anyway, I'm sorry that you have to watch this because I'm so cool. I'm having sex. The second you say I'm having sex, both the half-elf and the elf just vibrate with
Starting point is 00:47:42 the light and then sort of fall over and she's like, that's the greatest ear job I've ever had. And the half elf is like, I've never felt like less of a man. Thank you so much. You are the epitome of all that is masculinity. What is your name from here to the plains of Antasia? I will tell everybody that the name of true manhood is. It's Ron Sampler.
Starting point is 00:48:03 I also am a bit of a pop star. You sound like a true renaissance man. Truly. And that's how it's done fellas. You see the half elf man and the elf woman leaving in a loving side shoulder
Starting point is 00:48:20 embrace just hugging each other and just smiling ear to ear and they leave. And as they leave, hardball cough drop comes in and sort of sees them leaving and the massive smile on their faces. It kind of looks back at you four like, hey, not bad, not bad. We all did really good. Yeah, like three-fourths of us did really good. We did good BDSM.
Starting point is 00:48:39 Yeah, you did. Yeah, I got the Yelp reviews back. You got about three out of four. Wait, wait, wait. Three out of four? Yeah, yeah. uh sir banana was very displeased do you not know what finn doming is or financial doming is that not financial doming what are you supposed to do with that oh you do you know oh yeah what is it that's when you like take over someone's like finances and you charge up their credit cards and stuff not ideally you should do that when they know about it.
Starting point is 00:49:07 But otherwise, if you're just running a scam and you shoulder surf a couple of credit cards, I guess it's really not really the BDS. What you're talking about is a very different. No, you're talking about fraud. Yeah, you're talking about thievery. I thought you were talking about accounting brand basically. I was like, oh, I found my Beth Mayer sounder kink.
Starting point is 00:49:21 Oh, so the banana wanted, banana. He wanted you to take his money and spend it on frivolous things. So I guess banana was the safe word as well. Yeah, banana is the safe word. Banana was his name. Oh. Who could have guessed though?
Starting point is 00:49:32 That's pretty close. They couldn't be more different if you have an understanding of the dialect. What did, what, did Shinji leave a review? Uh, I don't, oh, the, the merchant I hired? Yeah, I, he was really satisfied after I was done with him. No, he just, I saw him leaving on the way he came in.
Starting point is 00:49:48 He was just like cackling to himself so happy. And then apparently you painted his, are you okay with him painting his name all over your van? Because it's like everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was, we thought that was part of his deal. Okay. Well, great. I mean, he wasn't paying me, so I'm not going to like reward you for getting him off.
Starting point is 00:50:02 But he seemed to be pretty happy. Darrell realized that. So he painted it on the car, but he seemed to be pretty happy. Daryl realized that. So he painted it on the card, not put the business card? The business card. I thought we were going to tape the business card to the side, but it sounds like he faced you on Odyssey. It's very big on all of them. Yeah, it's just a shingy.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Oh, okay. No, it's cool. Okay. So, yeah, you said something about some items that we would be rewarded with if we helped you in your quest. Yeah, so I could either give you some items or I could just give you some cold hard cash. It's up to you. Yeah, we'll take the cash. Yeah, how about 40 gold?
Starting point is 00:50:34 All right, yeah, that's great. No, I appreciate that, Ms. Hardrop. I appreciate you guys sort of stepping up so quickly, and I knew I was right to trust three-fourths of you when I first met you, and I'm really pleased with most of your behavior, so thank you so much. Bet you didn't guess which three, though. Boy, I didn't. I tell you what, if I had to pick one person who would not have fucked this up, it would have been
Starting point is 00:50:57 that one. Oh, no, but I but I did. I did fuck this up. I fucked it up. No, you did great. You did great this up. I fucked it up. I fucked it. No, you did great. You did great. I saw how happy they were.
Starting point is 00:51:09 You did. If you ever want to come back here, if you ever want to return here and have a full-time gig, I would be more than happy to have you. Oh, wow. This is the second offer of that nature. I mean, not sexually,
Starting point is 00:51:26 but a lot of people have been wanting my services and my variety of talents but right now i just want to call my wife samantha and let her know that i had sex well hardball cough drop this was a really great experience for us and if we ever want to come back we we'll just recall you. Ricola. Like I was doing a Ricola joke because of a cough drop. Oh, goodness. That joke gave me laryngitis. God, no. Nobody has to roll.
Starting point is 00:51:54 We'll come back to these. Matt is rolling. These hauls. It took me so long to grok that. Oh, my goodness. Two damage on me. All right. And I reached to average.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Take that damage. It's just fucking just weighed into that. It's the way that he like put the stank on it because he knew it wasn't good. So he tried to force it through. It disgusts me. Well, we figured out what my kink is. Do you want to call your wife? No.
Starting point is 00:52:18 Okay. Then the four of you pack back into the Honda Odyssey. What does the Odyssey look like? Now it just got Shinji written on both of the doors and on the hood. There's just a picture of Shinji the rat doing finger guns. No contact information again. No, nothing. Nothing.
Starting point is 00:52:35 Daryl's very upset. Well, guys, we had a great adventure just now. And I want to thank all you dads for being great participants in it. Unfortunately, we only have three items. So one dad is going home empty handed. Three of the dads are in. One of the dads is out. Why don't we all find out on dad tank?
Starting point is 00:52:56 Why don't we all simultaneously say what we want? Okay, that sounds great. And that way we can see who's there's a problem with like, and then then we can kind of, I mean, look guys, I mean, now that I think about it, I think I did kind of bone that one up i could have sworn it was the rat oh sorry about your van but i have the battle axe of hatred here so i'm not too worried he got a cool thing i got a thing so you guys can split it's fine don't don't be whatever i mean the real items gain was the bdsm we did along the way that's's true, Ron. And Ron, what item do you want?
Starting point is 00:53:25 Because I feel like of everyone, I feel like your customers left the most happy. Oh, let's see. This is a tough decision. I'm so charming by myself. I'm torn between the watch and the fanny pack, but my pants already support so much storage. I'm going to go with the watch,
Starting point is 00:53:42 and then I'm going gonna give you just a finger gun without the watch even oh all right there but i don't wink i stare at ron who's not winking at me as that's going on i'm like i'll take the fanny pack all right well i appreciate that i really want this cleaver that's that's great yeah okay well that worked out with no conflict whatsoever i'm glad we did that everybody that's great so how does Okay. Well, that worked out with no conflict whatsoever. I'm glad we did that, everybody. That was great. So. How does this one end?
Starting point is 00:54:08 Let's never talk about this again. And if you die, it'll be alright It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright It'll be alright, cause that's just life All you do is try, and it'll be alright Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson Anthony Burch as our DM Will Campos as Henry Oak Beth May as Ron Stampler And myself, Freddie Wong as Glenn Close daddies is matt arnold as daryl wilson anthony birch is our dm will campos is henry oak beth may is ron stampler and myself freddie wong as glenn close theme song and outro is all right by maxton waller this episode was a patreon stretch goal bonus and exists solely because
Starting point is 00:54:55 of our data riff and patreon supporters fine folks like garrett torian tj harville pierre camberlin joshua rinka and tom lithops You can thank them for this BDSM audio experience yourself by heading over to patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. And while you're over there, consider becoming one of them. You'll get access to our Discord server, bonus content like an after-show discussion podcast called Talking Dad, where we discuss the events of the campaign
Starting point is 00:55:19 and answer listener questions and more. That's at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Twitter, dungeonsanddads. Facebook, bit.com slash dungeons and dads twitter dungeons and dads facebook bit.ly slash dungeon dads subreddit r slash dungeons and daddies next episode is next week july 1st which is barbecue time so make sure you visit fda.gov and review their safe food handling guidelines thanks everyone we'll see you then there was a time when you could read between the lines You know they never brought you down Never brought you down
Starting point is 00:55:52 Sure, so you didn't do one, so you gotta take some damage. He didn't really do one. Oh, you said appealing, I'm so sorry. He didn't really do one. I'm sorry, I'm focusing on so many things. No, no, that's fair, that's fair. Like, 75% of my brain is trying to not be problematic right now.

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