Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 22 - Rich Dads, Poor Dads

Episode Date: November 26, 2019

The dads come to terms with the fact that they've become insanely wealthy, and reconcile with some of their past sins. Ron drives a hard bargain, Darryl reconnects with an old friend, Henry wrestles with a guilty conscience, and Glenn does some smooth talking.This episode contains profanity.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Join our Facebook group!Check out the subreddit!Project DADGUT is the group transcription projectDM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Hi, I'm Ron F. Stampler. People come up to me all the time and they say, Ron, I wish that we had a pin to stick maybe on a fanny pack or a denim jacket or a backpack or maybe just collect to show our appreciation for our favorite podcast. I'm like, what's a podcast? Am I right? Anyways, up until now, I have not been able to help these people at all.

But now, everything is changing. That's right. Here at Ron F. Stampler, Inc., we are selling premium lapel pins. That's pins that you can put anywhere. And they're premium. Call today by going online at www.ron.business. That's B-U-S-S. It's ron.business. There's no.com with Ron, just business. It's www.ron.business. Made the library break its own books fine

Erin died With the biography of Kucinich by her side Blackbirds brought Erin back to life Laid the library's eyes down at her feet Got a tree Slapped me cause I thought Her final words were about weed Roll the fan

Roll the fan I thought I heard it say Send me my sand Guess there's only one place left to go Find the purple robes and get our kids They don't know Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinkin' rich. Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinkin' rich. Thanks to all these jewels we all are filthy, stinkin' rich. welcome to dungeons and daddies sometimes a bdsm podcast more often than not uh dungeons and dragons podcast where we play dnd uh this is a podcast about

four dads from our world flung into the forgotten realms and the quest to rescue their lost sons my name is freddie wong i play glenn close the bard slash rock and roller of the group rock and roll dad i guess you could even say that's why i'm spec that and this week's dad fact specs this week's dad fact about Glenn Close is this. Despite the popularity and ubiquity of virtual reality goggles, Glenn Close has never put on virtual reality goggles out of principle. Why? That's how mind control starts, everybody.

They're just getting us. They're just getting you used to the idea of putting on the thing that covers your eyes and your ears and wraps around your head uh that's mind control and that's the first steps and we're letting the government do it to us welcome to the desert of the real hello everyone i'm henry oak i did it again i'm will campos i play henry dedicated birkenstock rocking granola crunching nature hippie druid dad who doesn't wash his hands as often as he should. My dad fact this week, more of a dad observation really, is that Henry considers himself the

Donatello of the dads. He also considers himself the- What was Donatello's thing? I don't remember leonardo leads donatello does machines rafael is cool but rude give me a break and michelangelo is a party dude yeah so henry fancies himself the thinking man's dad in the group i don't know if he's right about that or not henry also thinks that he is the charlotte of the group if we're gonna go sex in the city archetypes like kind of the most innocent like the going to go sex in the city archetypes. Like kind of the most innocent, like the most pure, but like also

a little uptight. Like, you know, so that's... I don't know sex in the city. I know. I love that Henry Oak knows Ninja Turtles and sex in the city. Hey, man, he's up on Pop Culture. That's a good spread. Good coverage. He covers his multitudes. That's it. That's my dad fact. Just so you all know, before the show, Matt didn't have a dad fact. And I was like, don't worry, Matt. I'll go before you

and I'll like do a dad fact that'll give you an idea for your dad fact so i don't know what matt's got cooking but maybe he'll let you know which ninja turtle daryl is because i have some thoughts on that my name is matt arnold i play daryl wilson a stay-at-home coach dad who is now a barbarian in the forgotten realms and i mean he's probably i, I would have thought he's the Raphael. You dumb fuck. You stupid idiot. You would have thought Daryl was the Raphael. Wait, is Raphael the leader? Every motherfucker wants to be Raphael.

Leonardo is the. Oh, no, Leo. Leonardo. Okay, yeah, yeah, you're Leonardo. I didn't really watch Ninja Turtles. That wasn't really my thing. Raphael was cool. I watched the original movie.

I've literally never seen or know anything about Ninja Turtles. Oh, then yeah, Glenn's Raphael. And then. Yeah, you're mike what you're absolutely mine is absolutely the michelangelo he's the party dude rafael's the worst person in the group and so is glenn and then michelangelo is like the funny one but michelangelo's also like the party dude stoner archetype too that's fair i mean i would ron is beyond ninja turtles run as casey jones on meth no isn't ron truly the one leading us

ron is leonardo but doesn't know it um my last minute dad fact is 50 of the furniture in the house is built by daryl wilson wow yeah he built flex that's hard he yeah he loves he loves built bought it on ikea and built it no No, no, no. He does not. He is very upset if somebody has. In fact, he looks at disdain at all the pieces of furniture. Now, they are often the easiest pieces of furniture to make. And now the real bad fact is, if he's being honest, 50% is like, if you include the spice rack. The cutting boards.

And the cutting boards. Oh, my gosh. And the fact that he like did like the toilet roll which is just like a doyle a doily you know like a doily what are they called dowel is the word you're looking for i'm not daryl and yeah that's it you just play him on the podcast play him on podcast hi my name is beth may and i play ron stampler emotionally stunted stepfather and rogue. I'm sorry.

I was so thrown by the doily comment. What is a doily? That's a word, right? It's like a little lacy thing you put shit on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Daryl knows how to do that, too. 50% of the doilies are sewn by him.

Fun Beth May fact is that I once got so enraged by trying to assemble an Ikea nightstand that I actually wrecked it, destroyed it. Well assemble an Ikea nightstand that I actually like wrecked it. Like destroyed it. Well, like you hulked out on it? Yeah. Anyway, fun fact about Ron. God, I'm glad I didn't believe Will when he's like, well, you can piggyback off it.

Because like I just have no context for him. I have no Ninja Turtle knowledge. Ron is rock steady and bebop. I don't get that either. I'm drowning. The fun fact about Ron is that in the fourth grade, he got sent to the principal's office for plagiarizing a book report on the adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Whoa. Yeah. Heavy duty. How did he plagiarize? He read the book report out loud and everybody's like, that's not what Ron, like he gets up to the front of the class

and he's like, the novel Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is a satirical novel because there is a large number of characters and a lot of events that extend through the extensive novel. And like, I think his teacher was like,

no, Ron. Who did he plagiarize from? Let's see. His buddy Cliff. His buddy Huckleberry. His buddy Cliff's and his notes. I don't get it, Freddie. Oh, I get it.

Freddie, say it a few more times. They might like it this time. Well, I didn't get it. Anthony. And then once they get it, they like it. Save that good shit for the podcast, not the intro. That's true. I'm Anthony Burch, and I'm your dad.

And I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed. So my dad fact, I guess, is I think we mentioned this last episode. And we record these at a different rate than we release them, obviously. But there's a fan cast about Dungeons and Daddies called Talking Sons. And I don't know if any of you listened to it I haven't been in the car enough

so I've listened to both episodes so far and in the last episode yeah there's only two so far at the time of recording and the most recent one was about the episode where Henry farts

and there was a story somebody says it is confirmed it is factually true that somebody vomited listening to Will's description of Henry farts

oh my gosh what I believe it was somebody's wife they may have been pregnant I'm not sure true that somebody vomited listening to Will's description. I believe it was somebody's wife. They may have been pregnant. I'm not sure. I made someone puke? Yeah. That blood's on your hands. It means now like as a writer I've made someone laugh. I've made someone cry. I've made you know people

hopefully think a little bit but most importantly I've made someone barf with my words so once you get like the sin juice what's like the e what's like once you make that happen from somebody what's the what's like the e-card oh is that what oh jesus you got a bodily come into you sin juice oh what another wild intro from the boys. What's the E god of bodily fluids? That's what you're trying to get. Oh, my God. JTBL.

The E is ejaculate. No way. The G is gore. Time to start the podcast. So, to summarize what happened last episode. Yeah's got rich daddy's fucking loaded yeah baby through a bizarre a truly bizarre use of the deck of many things now you fought the library you managed to defeat him but not before tricking him into pulling from the deck of many things and the two cards that he pulled were the ones that gave him advantage on persuasion rolls

and also a castle somewhere in the world. And then the card that gave him immediately 50,000 gold points worth of gems that fell at his feet. Anthony, how much money is that in like money, money? In like in US dollars? I just checked right now. I just checked. Can you tell me?

Because I would have to look it up. It's $145 per coin times 50, money. Like in U.S. dollars. I just checked right now. I just checked. Can you tell me? Because I would have to look it up. It's $145 per coin times 50,000. I want... You can't take this back. This happened. We have $7.2 million. Oh, my God. What?

Are you fucking kidding me? We have $7,250,000. Oh, my God. We're rich, motherfucker. Guys, holy shit. We could buy Payton a whole school. He could go to the best school because we could buy him the school. We're new rich, baby, says Glenn.

I am going to suggest that we pull all this money together and invest it whatever this strange world's version is of a low risk index fund we are so rich that we could buy one television a big screen and then another television to put next to that television so that when there's commercials, we can watch the other television. And then if there's commercials in that television, we can buy a subscription to channels that don't have any commercials. I've never seen anything like it, guys. I'm really excited about being so wealthy.

Everyone slow down. It's been a crazy battle. We've had a lot of wild shit happen. Aaron O'Neal just died and came back to life. How are you doing, Aaron? Are you okay? Not fucking great. Well, now you got five ways of this fortune, though.

We're giving you a fifth of this fortune. I don't get a fifth. I get fucking half. Let's be clear. Let's be clear, okay? Fucking Glenn could have healed me, didn't, and then without explaining what was going on, put the book on me, and then he killed me. We're a team here. We'll definitely figure out the best way to split this up, but

just like, what would you do with like 10,000 gold? With 10,000 gold, I would buy a bunch of land and set up a preserve for all of my kids so we wouldn't have to like fight somebody to have an entire land of our own. It would just be me and my trees and we'd hang out in peace. Aaron O'Neill, I walk up, I put my hand out. She puts her hand out.

I shake it. You got yourself a deal. Look at that. You got a whole preserve. You got a whole forest now. Don't mind if I put my hand out. She puts her hand out. I shake it. You got yourself a deal. Look at that. You got a whole forest now. Don't mind if I do. Thank you. I mean, she at least gets one fifth. We can all agree on that. Well, no, no. I mean.

You got out-dealed, motherfucker. You got out-dealed. Daniel Wilson should be a car salesman, bitch. Daniel Wilson just sold you a jalopy. The last deal on the table before we shook hands was I get half. Oh, I was talking to Henry. I'm just saying like, of course, at the bare minimum, she can buy a forest preserve. I'm just, I gotta admit, this is very exciting.

I'm very, I did not, we got to find our kids and all this, but I did not expect that we'd come out of this wealthy. It's just the idea that the thing that would eventually destroy the dads and tear them asunder would be just a ton of money. Yeah. You thought this was a people resc ton of money. It's insane to me. Yeah, you thought this was people rescuing their kids. It's actually like a simple plan or any Coen Brothers movie. It's just a bunch of fucking assholes getting rich. I've heard a good way to split this. I had to deal with this with the estate of one of my ancestors.

I think the best thing that we do is that, first off, we should have a fund for the doodlers. Like a good 10%, 15% that we use as a group for travel expenses, all the stuff that we're going to need. Sponsorships, jerseys, big screens, mascots. Jerseys that fit. Fit us, not our kids' jerseys, but our jerseys. Distributing deals with China.

Well, that gets into it. And cheerleaders. Okay, well, yeah. I mean, you know, pay them a fair wage. Remember when I said that the deck of many things could ruin this podcast? What we could do is if we each get a fair share, there's two things, right? A fair share of the money, but also like, you know, these are nice pieces of jewelry. I could, you know, there's one or two in there I think Carol would like quite a bit.

I think we get a piece of paper out and we each write in order of priority which of the jewels we would like. And then we compare those sheets. And then the first person who, like, if I like that diamond ring, can I get this diamond ring? That's all I'm getting at. Do you guys mind? This looks perfect.

This looks like the first engagement ring. Real quick, I put my hand on Aaron's shoulder, and I say, listen, Aaron, there's a piece of wisdom from our world that I want to impart to you now that you have become fabulously, insanely wealthy like us. There's a difference between being poor and being broke.

Broke is temporary. Poor is eternal. That's from Rich Dad, Poor Dad, the greatest dad manual on financial planning ever written. Please tell me you gave Nick Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Oh, are you kidding? He didn't read it, right? He didn't read it.

I know. The kids, right? They don't read it. We give them Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Hey, Henry, you give your kids, both of them, Rich Dad, Poor Dad, right? My children learned all the financial lessons they needed to learn from a little book called The Giving Tree, my friend. Oh my gosh.

Just take and what? Just take and take and take until the thing they're taking from dies? It's about generosity and sharing and being kind. I've never read The Giving Tree. I'm kind of shooting. I'm shooting big game here, guys. That's really what it wants to be about, that book. It's about parasitic romantic relationships.

It's about infusing. Well, Henry does not know that because Henry skimmed the book. What a nice title. It's a tree that gives. Giving and trees. What could go wrong? Everyone, I'd like to remind us that this money is not worth anything if we can't get out of the forgotten realms with our sons.

So first things first. Aaron's like, it's worth stuff here. Aaron, what's the banking situation like in this world? Well, it depends. Is there central banking? Is there a gold standard? No. Where's the biggest bank? The biggest bank is probably Neverwinter. Oh, wait, we can't go to Neverwinter.

Do they have other medium-sized branch banks? I mean, there's Waterdeep. There are other big cities that have banks and stuff. By the way, in my head, I'm just imagining there's just like a montage section where it's just like, we go to Neverwinter. We talk to the mayor. We're like, whatever. We'll pay our way out of these debts.

And we're just like, they give us the key to the city. We're like, yeah, this was easy. Money solves all problems. Can't we just buy our kids back? One of us want to go to sleep and see if they'll take money. Oh, that's not a bad idea. I could go to sleep and find out. First of all, I do want to settle one thing,

which is as the dads trying to get back to the other world, we should pool our resources for now. And if we manage to make it back to the other world, back to our homes with some money left over, we split it five ways. I agree. Four ways. Cause there's four dads,

four ways, but we should give some to Aaron. What I was going to say is, I think Aaron is right. That this is more or less been a partnership between two parties, the Aaron O'Neill and her tree party and the dad party. So I was just going to say gonna say um dad huddle by this is a sort of closed door financial discussion financial conversation private

all right all right i'm okay this is just like shark tank i'm very excited i'm okay with giving aaron half the money that's all i'm gonna say i think half is it's a lot of money she She does not need half of it. And she didn't even invite us to the tree party. I will say this. We were the entrepreneurs, Ron, I know you know that word, that competed, risked our lives for this deck, which enabled us to get this money in the first place. She burned her books. I'm not saying she didn't do a lot of work.

I'm just saying I'm trying to figure out why she deserves half. I don't care. I think we need to renegotiate and start with 2080 and we'll settle on a 60-40. This doesn't work because Anthony can hear me. How about 25%? Do you guys all think 25% is fair? Ron, you seem like you had something

to say. Yeah, I have something to say. Now that we have money, we're not entrepreneurs anymore. I know a lot about entrepreneurship. What? Well, like when you're an entrepreneur, you don't have money. Yeah, well, I mean, no, you're right. Yeah, like once you get a lot of money,

you're now a business person. You know, the real way to do this, I've heard, is we could become VCs. Very cool. Ron, you know what? And invest in other companies. Tell me more. Ron, you're a businessman.

I am a businessman. I think, you know what would be great, and I don't know everything, but I've watched quite a bit of Shark Tank. I think it'd be good if let's give Erin a good amount, but like maybe make some of it like a loan, like an investment that we're making in like, you know, her forest or whatever it is that she's doing. So why don't you, maybe

you should negotiate with Erin. And I'd say, you know, I would prefer not to give her half. I think there's a lot of stuff we could do with it. We're still trying to find our kids. And frankly, you know, I think at the end of the day, I think it was fair is fair. And I don't think she did half the work. Henry thinks the other dads are being pretty greedy right now. So Henry's OK with I'm a sharp negotiator. I agree, Ron.

I'm absolutely happy with Ron negotiating the split. I'm a big boy businessman. You sure are. OK, Aaron. Is this money really going to drive us apart? The other dads and I, the sharks and I were discussing, and we're not going to be easy negotiators. We're not going to just roll over.

That's not smart business. The way that I became a businessman is by practicing smart business. 50-50, and I'll tow your car back to Roca Porta. Yeah, okay. And then Ron turns back to the dads and like does the hand swipe, swipe thing and be like, that's how it's done. No easy passes, no free meals here

i've never asked what what what what is your business um i lean over to glenn i'm like i don't i don't think wrong as rich dad poor dad says love of money is the root of all evil lack of money is the root of all evil i was just trying to be fair but no it's it's a perfectly valid question and I'm a businessman. All right, Aaron. Well, you heard what our, what, you know, if you really think it's fair

that you got 50%, well, as Ron said. I died. I do feel pretty good about that. Yeah, this is the second time I've died, by the way, and it gets harder for me to come back every time.

Okay. The roles get higher, as we say. I don't know your truth. That's what you said i just want everybody to be you know they say good negotiation is nobody's happy and you know daryl's not very happy right now but that's okay how can you guys not be happy two minutes ago we had no money now we have 25 000 gold i'd say that's pretty darn great erin goes as far as I'm concerned, this is great. We've come to the best possible parting of the ways. I'm leaving rich. You're

leaving rich. You know exactly where to go to get your kids back. And for the love of God, be careful. Please really do be careful. Honestly, we've had some scrapes. I've never quite been sure if I like you or not. I kind of feel like I mostly don't, but like, I respect you. We just gave you $3 million. I just earned $ like I mostly don't, but like, I respect you. I mean, we just gave you three million dollars, so I think that you probably like us a bit. I just earned three million dollars and you earned three million dollars. I mean, this is a partnership. Let's be fair. Now we can't afford to be careful. We can buy knee pads.

You're right. We can buy a lot of stuff to help us, like, we can get buff. I mean, I'm Marty. No, I mean like added armor. Ron Flexes. Like armor. Like, you know, even when somebody's buff, they can get stronger with, you know, like mech armor oh my god that's right like cern okay let me ask you a question aaron you know maybe we can consider this you know like maybe you can give us a little bit of financial advice consulting on our what we should do with our money sure um no fee though

out of character anthony i'm very sorry for whatever you had planned this episode honestly i i was so cynical about this was like're going to argue about the money for about 40 minutes. I have very minimal notes. Touche. If you had our means and you wanted to go, so it's this Castle Ravenloft place, right? And these guys

in Castle Ravenloft, how would you invest that money in a Rescue Our Kids heavy portfolio? Henry, Henry, Henryry as a businessman i i can tell you that when you have money it's not about spending money or even how you spend money or even how much money you have it's just that you have money and then you don't need to worry about anything else. Because instead of a person who's like a stepdad or a regular dad or any, you're not any of those things now. You're just a person with money. And that means you've made it.

Well, I don't think I'm going to feel like I've made it until I've made it back home with my children. So I just don't want this money to change me. Ron, I feel like it kind of already is. Didn't you just say you're not a stepdad anymore? You literally just said that it changed you. Ron, what's your kid's name? Terry Jr.

Okay. How much money is Terry worth? Well, I don't think he's worth money at all. How much money would you give to get Terry Jr. back? Well, I wouldn't give any money because I've never spent money. I just don't know. I just don't know what things cost or whatever. I'd give anything, but like. Well, right now we have a lot of money, which could buy us a lot of things that could maybe help us get our kids back. How much could one kid possibly cost? $10?

So Aaron says, alright, well, so if the wizards that took your kids, if there are wizards, if they're as powerful as I think they are. Those are the wizards from the coast, right? Yeah. If the coastal wizards who took your kids, I mean, that's a lot of money. You could hire a bunch of mercenaries. You could basically build

a small army with that money. You could build trebuchets. I'm realizing these things are true as a DM as I'm saying them. You could build trebuchets. You could like, if you,

assuming- Would you say mercenaries would cost about 10 gold pieces? Are you serious? 10 gold pieces per person or a crossbowman would be 15 pieces if you look at Dungeons & Dragons

or maybe even an elven longbowman would be 20 gold pieces. Guys, this is exhausting. It's almost like money just complicates things. There's a saying we have in the Forgotten Realms, which is more money, more problems. Yeah, but no money, most problems. So with 25,000 pieces, we could hire 250 mercenaries. Wait, what?

We could hire 250 mercenaries. I think you just said it cost 10 gold pieces. Yeah. So 25,000 gold. Oh my God, we could hire 2,500 mercenaries. Well, you have... To march on Castle Ravenloft. You have 12.5 thousand.

Okay, so sorry. Wait, no, it was 50,000. Oh, you're right, it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. God damn it. Fucking decimating things.

Fuck my ass. Oh my gosh. No. So we could have 30 gold pieces per month. I wanted this podcast to go longer than this. There's 30 pieces per month, according to this, for me Googling it. Okay. We'll ignore it for the second.

There's no possible way Daryl would know the price. Aaron would know the price of these things. So Aaron is telling you all these things that you're currently Googling, but it's very fun for you to know this and me not. So go and keep saying things we may be able to kill two birds with one hey henry i don't is there like a less uh you would say problematic version of kill two birds with one stones i'm just trying to be more sensitive i would say maybe you know uh free two birds with one key okay so assuming that they're not birds that have been raised as pets and that they're birds that

were in the wild and were caught recently enough to not become domesticated okay so we could kill the phrase would be free two wild birds that have been recently caught but are not domesticated that are in a cage with one key and then you let them out and then you let them back into their natural habitat okay so we could try to solve two things at once if if maybe those cops are coming after us you know cops can be bribed you ever gone down to tijuana you know for some fun with your with your buddies gone down to tijuana no you probably have i've heard about it i just figured i've heard the story they bribe the cops right glenn you've been there i don't know what i'm talking about i'm sorry can i call my wife uh Sure, of course. Yeah.

I mean, we got nothing to do but look at all this money. While Ron calls his wife, we'll load up the money. Yeah, we're loading up the money. Nice. 18. So I dial up Samantha. All right. Hey, Ron.

Hi, babe. What's up? I mean, I know I don't really normally call you babe, but I am just a lot of change. I thought I was like, ooh, I'm like a character from a movie or something. Yeah. I just, a lot of things have just changed in me recently. I'm going to be straight with you. We've had really bad luck here sort of finding the kids and stuff like that,

but we're still looking. We're looking really hard, and I actually bonded. We know where they are, Ron. Yeah, we know where they are. We're going to get them. Don't listen to all the conversation, man. He's talking over there. Samantha. We're going to get them. Don't listen to all the conversation, man. He's talking over there. Samantha, we're going to get them.

And you know what? I had a nice bonding moment with Terry before he vanished again. Oh, yeah? I mean, like... Wait, what? Who are you talking about? He vanished? I don't know.

I just have a question, honey. Could you check my email inbox? The password for it is uh um ron that's it she goes okay yeah i've got it i've got it up oh wow you have so many unread emails i remember before i left i got this email from this heiress and she was asking for some money. And I was, I just want to let you know that I've actually come into quite a bit of cash and I just, I, honey, I don't know what to do with it. Do you want me to respond to her? Well, I've just, I've never like, she sounds very like in a very bad situation. Yeah. Okay.

Even Nigeria too. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. And in Nigeria too. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. Let's just give her like, you know what? Cause like money wise I just never really like.

I mean, I've got my 401k. I could like, if this is something that really matters to you. Guys, I've been, I, I, I, I, I yell at Glenn, but I've been listening to,

I think we should say something. Yeah, I think we should say something. Hi. Samantha, wait. What's a 401k? I flagged it wrong. Oh, sorry, wait. What's a 401k? What? I flagged that wrong. Oh, sorry, sorry. What's up, Henry?

Hey, hi. I'm going to put Samantha on speaker. This is my wife, everybody. Oh, hi, Samantha. It's nice to meet you. Hi, everybody. It's me, Samantha. So there's this scam that's called the Nigerian Prince or Princess Scam,

where someone emails you from Nigeria, and they're like, hey, I need help with money. If you give me some money, I can give you a bunch of money. And it's like kind of like a well-known scam. So I just want you to be really careful about anything like that. Like it sounds really fishy, this email. So I would just, I know we're focused on the kids 100%, but I wouldn't cash in your 401k and I would be really careful about that situation. Okay. Actually, yes, Samantha, I know just who to call about this. And so I'll think about it and then I'll call you back later when I can because I, you know, service isn't great here.

Yeah, okay. But I'm just, I want to bathe you in riches and we've got a lot of riches here. I just want to bathe you. Not that you stink, I just like doing it. No, yeah. You can take that off speakerphone now, Ron. Don't be,

don't be embarrassed. Um, cause they all know that I love you and that they all know that you're very, very hot. Um, and so I like it when you call me hot. I'm more than that, but I also am that.

Yeah. Yeah. You're so much more than that. Anyway, so I will call. I've got this actually, this good friend named Mr. Likely, and I'm going to call him and see where to invest my money. All right, I'm going to find our son soon. I love you.

Bye. Bye, love you. I'd like to make another phone call. You're definitely going to need to put this one on speaker, Ron. Roll above a four. Okay. Eleven. Yeah, okay. I don't know how we have his number, though. He called us.

Yeah, you have him in your contacts. I shared his contact on Airdrop with you. Hello, Mr. Likely? Don't trust anything you hear or see. You're calling scam likely. That's funny. What is it, Ron? Hey, just so you know, we're all on here.

Just, hi. Yeah, you're on speaker phone. You're on speaker. Yeah, Ron, she just let people know when they're on speaker. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'm very polite of you. I never let people know when they're on speaker. Yeah, okay. Oh, I'm very polite of you. I never let people know when they're on speaker. It makes such an amusing shape.

Daryl, how much money do we have exactly? So we have, hi, Mr. Likely. We have about... Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. One moment, Mr. Scam Likely. Oh, of course. I come into the dad huddle with the phone. No, no, Ron.

I reach over and press mute on Ron's phone. Should we be telling scam likely who's like a big scam guy like that we have all this money yes very smart henry maybe say like we have like a hundred gold pieces just to kind of see what he like a lot that this seems like a lot without letting him know that we are rich why are we on the phone with scam likely you guys you know i'm thinking about my family here i want to know like what the best scam to pull is. Tell them that we have 100 gold? Yeah, let's do it. For sure. Mr. Likely.

I take it off mute. We have just 100 gold and we're wondering how to scam. We're wondering whether that's a good scam to have. You're asking whether that's a good scam to have,

to... You're asking me if it's a scam to have 100 gold? No, really, no. That's not really a scam. Also, roll deception. Okay.

Because you're lying about how much money you have. Okay. A 13. Okay. Yeah, he believes you. Okay. You call me over 100 gold.

Okay. Well, luckily for you, you could enlist in my Scammers Academy, where I teach you all the secrets of scamming. I take you from zero to hero. That actually might be great, because apparently my wife Samantha and I are getting scammed by somebody, and we want to scam them back, because we've got a lot of money now. Ooh, the mushroomed counter scam. Yeah. The mission of all scams. scammed by somebody and we want to scam them back because we've got a lot of money now yeah yeah i mean i figured if like i could make you believe that we only had 100 gold like i

the sky's the limit okay so let's let's uh let's um I don't know what the next step is on this journey. We need to get this money into a bank. We can't just have loose money in these. Yeah, we put the gems, just to clarify, I think we put all the jewels in the spare tire slot underneath the- Yeah, we're hiding it from view. Yeah, it's hidden. Like underneath the floor of the back of the minivan.

So it ain't just laying around. Okay. So, okay, dads, sometimes my life gets a little overwhelming, and it seems like there's a zillion different things to do and i get stressed out trying to make decisions so what i'm going to suggest is that we come up with a to-do list to figure out what our number one priority is right now number one priority is get the kids back oh yeah that's the number one priority we all agree i agree and then we can have a conversation about how to do that right number two seems like figure out how to get back home. How to get back home.

Thanks, Glenn. I got it right. Thanks, Glenn. Hey, way to go, buddy. How to get back home. Big day for you. I know. It's pretty, pretty cool, man.

Number three, we can say like we have some, you know, I play some of these, you know, like I see the boys play these video games where they go all over the place in the different worlds and they have these things called side quests. So I feel like I'm going to put number three, miscellaneous side quests. You're setting up orphanages, giving money to pay it in, et cetera, et cetera, right? Well, in video games,

you do the side quests before you beat the game. I don't know if you heard about this, but I can't remember if I actually told you about this before, but that pyramid that dropped, there's like a mean, bad thing in it and people keep trying to go in to kill it and nobody can and apparently there's a bunch of treasure in there. So that's a thing.

Well, that sounds interesting. Okay, that can be one of the side quests. That may be one of them. But if there's more treasure, that just seems exhausting. Yeah, we have a lot of treasure already. Yep, seems like almost anything you could do in this game is now obviated by your incredible riches. It just seems weird that we're having this discussion sitting in this field with a dead body, as in, like, we could

just go not very far. I want to loot the library. Okay, so the library just disappeared while we were talking. I slowly despawned it to save memory in the level. As you touch its body, it bursts into flames it in the backpack full of books that

were sort of like he receded into his body so that he'd wear the Odyssey like a hermit crab shell. So you basically get the next 15 seconds after I finish this sentence to tell me the name of one book that you can save from the fire that is consuming the library's backpack full of books. The Wizards of Rogueport.

Okay. The Wizards of Ravenloft. I like that. There's something about different dimensions, different worlds. Here we go. Countdown starts now. How to jump through between the interdimensions, the book by and an autobiography of the Wizards

of Ravenloft. Nice. Nice. Okay. I bet you guys thought I was going to say Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Ron hasn't read it. So you reach into the fire and you grab that book, that extremely specific book, and now you have that.

How long is that book? It's not very long. It's like pamphlet-sized. Okay. I hop in the front of the car and say, hey, guys, why don't we go ahead and go hang out and talk about all this over where Peyton is, and then we can figure out what our next steps are.

Okay. You don't want to... All right, let's just go. Let's go. Henry's tired of talking. Aaron goes like, cool, so I guess this is probably where I leave you for now aaron this is where you leave us she goes you know what i liked that that was good that was fun thanks aaron i feel like the number

of times we've forgotten aaron maybe she did deserve 50 i'm beginning to i'm beginning to see her i was there when it mattered you know but yeah I guess I'll see you around if you need to if you ever need to get a contract maybe just like whisper to a tree and it'll get back to me to baby

or does that work no it works okay well thanks yeah trees are chatty bitches they gossip a lot so it'll get back to me if you need it

but yeah I mean I guess good luck finding your kids and really do honestly be careful with whoever has them because they if they have the kind of magic i think they do it could get really bad really quickly that's the problem trees all bark no bite i like that jeez oh god oh god that's

the note i'm leaving on huh bye and with that aaron o'neill whisp vanishes into the wind yeah guys i don't think aaron likes me no she definitely Glenn. Hmm, that's all right. Erin calls some trees over. They lift up the broken Odyssey, which, remember, the rear axle snapped, and they basically just carry you to Rocaporta, which is essentially no... I'll roll on the fucking encounter table. Okay, yeah.

No bandits attack trying to get your ill-gotten gains. Hey, Henry. Yes? This is like a really green way of traveling, right? It is. I'm actually really liking it. It's a low footprint, other than the huge footprints in the ground

that all the trees are making. You know what's the best part about somebody else driving? You can check your phone while you're driving. And I go ahead and I finally look at what that text was from. Oh, wow. Okay, so the text that you received after you had gotten the butt dial from Carol, where you heard that she was considering divorcing you,

and then had realized that, oh shit, her phone was on, and that you heard all of that. So you hadn't checked it all this time. You check now and it says i'm so sorry that was an accident i didn't mean for you to hear those things i'm sorry i've been the way that i've been i've a lot of stuff has been going on i've been trying to think about things we should talk when you get back i love you uh were there any emojis? No. There's the eggplant and then there's an X over the eggplant. Daryl responds with eggplant and winky face. No.

Daryl responds with, hmm. Sorry, I just got this. Daryl responds with, a lot's going on here, too too and i know a lot's been going on between us uh we will talk when i get back and i'll let you know what's going on with grant love you very much we all get a long rest we get a long rest oh let's just say that you show up in rocaplurta uh when it's about midnight and you just sleep the rest of the night off is paying to sleep then yeah i go running in i go running in i I go running in. I go, Peyton! Peyton!

Wake up, little buddy! So you run into Walter, the immoral's house. We just beat down the door. This guy has a door! Wait, wait, wait. Anthony ellipsed us into we were sleeping in the house. So I figured that I was- No, you were in the car.

In the van, I assumed. Oh. Yeah, so I knock on the door. Okay. So you see- Guys, I'm really excited to see Peyton. So you hear the plap, plap, plap of Bullywog's Sure. I knock on the door. Okay. So I'm really excited to see Peyton. So you hear the plop, plop, plop of a bully walks, webbed feet coming to the door.

And then Walter, the immoral opens up and goes, what's going on? Oh, hey, man. Hey, we just need a place to sleep. And we're going to, we're going to do some work here before we go out and do some stuff. Hey, where's the, where's, where's the little guy? He's in his room. He's sleeping like I was. I'm sorry for waking you up.

Oh, it's okay. I guess. I mean, we should let him sleep. We can see him in the morning. I don't have a bed. We'll sorry for waking you up. It's okay, I guess. I guess we should let him sleep. We can see him in the morning. We'll pay you for your difficulties. I don't have any other beds. It's just this one. We'll pay you for your troubles, sir.

If you want to sleep on the floor, I could get some sheets or something. I love this voice so much. This voice is so good. I could listen to this voice for hours. You can come in. Everybody can come in. Yeah, hours. You guys all want to just get a good... You come in. Everybody come in.

Yeah, we'll come in. Let's just take a sleep and then we'll wake up and see what's up. Bun's already asleep in the van. Okay. I sleep on the floor outside Peter's room. Oh my gosh. Somewhere Grant is like, Jesus Christ. I don't know why, but I feel real weird right now morning comes dawn breaks and you feel door hit you in

the back it's payton he goes oh oh geez what's in the what's in the way of the oh hey man hey what's up champ i'm punching the shoulder like a little soft bunch how's it going ow oh sorry buddy that's fine all right what are you doing well we're all we came and we fought a bunch of guys and did you find your kid i did i mean we kind of expected yeah like everybody else so we're we're kind of laying down here to figure out we came into a lot of money buddy what'd you do we uh we killed the library oh yeah we came into a lot of money because What'd you do? We killed the library. Oh. Yeah, we came into a lot of money because Henry here pulled it. Henry, wake up, man.

What are we doing again? Where is Henry? I just... What? Matt, do you just want to do the podcast? I don't know what is going on. Did you all fall? I guess we all came in and fell asleep next to the door with Matt.

No, no. I want to be clear. Matt's the only one in this. I'm not here. No, I think that Ron went in and slept kind of next to Walter. Yeah, basically. It's a big room. I figure that.

So you slept on the bed next to Walter? Yeah. So he set up like a bunch of comforters on the ground. And then after he fell asleep, he crawled into bed with him. Ron, Ron, Ron, stealth roll, stealth roll. I got a 13 plus eight, yeah. So as Daryl and Pan are talking, Walter wakes up with, what the fuck?

No, what I think was like, I tried to wake him up in the night like, Walter, what do you think happens after we die? Without thinking about it, because he was married, like his muscle memory Takes over He's like honey We'll talk about it

And then he wakes up And he sees He's like what the fuck Walter what are you thinking Oh I was just going to tell you About Henry's cool move But I guess he's not here So he can tell you

When he comes in And we were just going to Plan our next steps And I figured it would be Nice to do it here Rather than just like In a big old empty field Well I'm glad you came back

I made some stuff for you Let me show you Because you're a blacksmith So I figured it might. Well, I'm glad you came back. I made some stuff for you. Let me show you. You're a blacksmith. So I figured it might be useful. Well, I mean, I'm a blacksmith apprentice, not full fledged blacksmith yet, but I'm trying. I feel like I'm making pretty good progress. And then if you look over Walter, he's like shaking his head. He's not.

Peyton makes you guys porridge with Walter and they bring it out to the van and they knock on the window and he wakes up after an unsuccessful night of trying to pass the retainer in bare form. Oh my God, I forgot about that. Walter's like, we made you some breakfast if you want to eat. Will you come inside? All right, all right. Sure, that sounds great. I could eat.

While Walter is passing you porridge and spoons and stuff like that, Peyton leads you to the little forge, little blacksmithery that's connected to Walter's house. And he goes, okay, so, what I did was,

I made, Is this Peyton? Oh, sorry, shit. Okay, so what I did was, Peyton,

you're picking up some of Walter's speech patterns. So Peyton's like, what I did was, I made versions of like the weapons that you guys used,

but I made them better. Oh, wow. I made them rowdier. I made them crazier. So if you want to, Peyton offers you weapons that are identical to the ones that you're currently using, except instead of plus whatever for their attack,

they're minus one. But if they hit, they already do double damage. And if you crit with them, they do quadruple damage. Peyton, will these spiked nunchucks do double damage to my nuts? you bet they will i nod solemnly and grab them so they're basically they look a lot like your weapons but they're more like metal like they've got spiky shit all over them and stuff and they look very amateur how did you get all this broken glass on the end of these nunchucks practice man it took a while well, is this a skill like a blacksmith that just glued?

Yeah, I was several times told him to not do that and he still managed to do it. So, I don't know. They make him happy. I'm calling these Payden Chucks in my thing here.

I grabbed the axe. I go, hey, did you name these weapons? What is this bad boy named? Well, I figured you could name them because... Is this Payden or I was asking Payden.

Oh. I keep forgetting the voice. They're so close. Okay. So, Payden goes, I didn't name them. Is this Payton or I was asking Payton. Oh, I keep forgetting the voice. They're so close. Okay. So Payton goes, I didn't name them. I figured you could because like the person who like wields the sword gets to name it. I always feel like, but it's, I mean. You know what, Payton?

This multi-tool that's really rusty and has a couple nails sticking out of it is super pretty. And I'm going to name it the thanks Payton. I like this gift. Great. Yeah. I mean, that's. How much? How much what?

How much did I make? I made four of them, and I gave them to you. How much you're asking for? Oh, I can know. This is a gift. This is a gift. You got me out of bully wogs and now into the hand of a bully wog. I don't think you understand.

We are very wealthy now. Cool. Great. Very wealthy. I mean, it's not about money, baby. I live that blood money life. I fought in the Unfortunate Foster Children tournaments, and the people who fought for money,

they were the ones who went down the quickest. What do you mean it's not about money? Those are the ones that stayed in the longest. Huh. Listen, everything I've ever learned in my life is that it's about money. Okay. Whatever.

It's your truth, man. Whatever gets you there. I want to ask if Peyton has any business card weapons. Peyton says, oh yeah, absolutely. That's your signature weapon. So I just, I made these babies. And he gives you a couple of metal business cards that have sharpened edges. They have like Ron Stampler chiseled into them by hand.

Well, could you put Peyton on them? Cause like, you know, they're your business cards. I'm just wielding them. Uh, okay. You sure? It's, it's not going to help your brand. No, I mean, I, I, I'll help your, I just want your name on the cards, kiddo. Cool. Awesome. So he takes a chisel and he chisels his name into all of them. That's right, my name is Ron F. Stampler Payden. The fourth Esquire. I take a

sharpie and I write my name on the blade. I say, hey Payden, this is why I named it. And I turn around and it's Payden, but spelled Payne-den. And there's like big lightning bolts coming out. Fuck you, hell yeah. Fuck you, shit yeah, fuck you. Shit yeah. Fuck yeah. Thank you Peyton. Walter's like again with the language please. I've tried so hard

to make him stop crossing and he loves to cross. Hey Walter. Yeah we'll tell him. You deal with weapons so certainly you know where the best sellswords are in this realm yeah? Where would we go if we wanted to hire an army of mercenaries? Well the cheapest ones are in Meadowshade.

We don't need the cheapest ones. The most loyal ones are in Neverwinter. Oh, is loyalty a problem with mercenaries here? It can be after a period of time. Basically, they can just decide if you pay them well enough, they'll just fuck off. Oh, now I'm doing it!

I'm going to... We look to the side and there's a swear jar and it's overflowing. Okay, so there was a place called Diofrats. Diofrats?

Yeah, that was sent in by Eileen Klaus. Thank you for that name. You want it to be a character, but sorry, it's a good name for a shit for a place.

Diofrats is a really good name for a place. It's like the college town and it's a bunch of fucking, a bunch of chads. Oh, it's probably where fucking Yeet Bigly was born. Diofrats. Diofrats. It's a bunch of fucking... A bunch of chads. Oh, it's probably where fucking Yeet Bigly was born.

Dire frats. Dire frats. There's another one. Paul Courvoisier submitted this. There's a small village called Don Cheadle. That has a lot of really good soldiers for it. Named after the Don who owned the place. Yeah, yeah.

Mr. Cheadle founded that town. And he belonged to a crime family, hence the Don. And so he has some of the most brutal mercenaries that you can hire. Do you think any of them... You've all seen Indiana Jones, right? Mm-hmm. The last thing I want is like... Because we're...

The four of us are pretty... We're all for Indiana Jones at this point. We're doing pretty good dads. So I feel like what I don't want is for us to be right there. And then they turn around because they're scared. So like we're going to... Where are we going again, Henry? We're going to Castle Ravenloft to save our children.

Yes. So again, I'm very excited. Yeah. I'm very excited about saving... So I want to make sure that the mercenaries... Do you think there are mercenaries that would turn away from going to Ravenloft? Oh, man. Yeah.

Unless you went for the pretty expensive ones. There's a lot of... No, that's good. Yeah. Don't go cheap. If you don't get what you pay for... You're going to Ravenloft? Oh, man. Yeah. Unless you went for the pretty expensive ones. There's a lot of... No, that's good. Yeah. Don't go cheap. If you don't want to go cheap on Ravenloft... You're going to Ravenloft? Oh, man.

That's in Barovia. That's where our kids are. Oh, that sucks. Why does Barovia suck? Well, Barovia sucks because there was this guy, Strahd, this vampire, and he sort of took it over and a lot of bad stuff happened. And then somebody killed Strahd. I assume whoever the heck has your kids.

So that entire place is still kind of cloaked in like permanent darkness and cold and shadow. It sucks. It's bad. And Peyton's saying, oh, right, right, right. So yeah, there was something I wanted to give you, Daryl. Something that was going to help with that.

Oh, crap. I can't fight it. Shit. You know, it's always the last place you look for it. Yeah, I'll fight it later. I'll fight it later. Sorry. Do you remember what it was?

No, it's a surprise. I don't want to ruin it. A surprise? Yeah. Oh, I'm excited. Well, now I'll be surprised. You'll still be surprised when you give it to me? No, it's a surprise. I don't want to ruin it. A surprise? Yeah. Oh, I'm excited. Well, now I'll be surprised. You'll still be surprised when you give it to me. I hope so.

Let's find out. We still have that charm that we won, right? That like... Yes, you do. ...disguises things. Yes, it keeps you basically invisible from like divination magic that's trying to find where you are. Okay, so we definitely have hung that as like fuzzy dice on the minivan.

Yeah, the amulet or whatever. Right. I will throw one thing out just as a cautionary note, my fellow dads, which is, you know, I remember this one time I wanted to get a really fancy gift for Mercedes O. Garcia, like I wanted to get her a fancy new watch. And I went to what I thought was a reputable watch dealer, flashing my cash around. Next thing I know, I got sold a bootleg watch and I got ripped off and I was out all my money. As they say, a fool and his money often soon separated.

I can't remember exactly how that phrase goes. So I just, I do worry a little bit about the four of us with a big bundle of cash marching up to like a group of heavily armed people that are professional warriors and like, you know, getting robbed or something like that. Do they have bonded mercenaries in this world? Is there like aigslist sort of yes not a craigslist that would be the exact opposite of what i want yeah we don't want the craigslist situation you know uh that's if you

want to get come down we want to hire craigslist wait what do you buy something you wait what what's happened to you when you buy something i mean that's just what craigslist is good for it's just getting nutted on. Craigslist has... When's the last time you used Craigslist? I mean, that's what I wanted to get gummed on. I'm so sorry, everyone listening to this show. So Walter D. Morrill says, the higher up in cost you get for the mercenaries,

the more the reputation matters to them. So the less likely it is that they'll turn on you. I mean, Henry, I think the move here is going to be like deposit in a bank and any reputable institution will have some sort of, you know, escrow service or something. We just work it that way. We should use the financial institutions that they have in place here.

Listen, I don't think that we need an escort service if we're as good as scamming as the people who might scam us. We're in your city with a reputable bank. And I feel like, guys, we need to deposit this. And so that we haven't been... So you have like a check to give mercenaries. Well, you're not going to like this. Because Peyton told me the story of what happened when you left there.

But the most reputable bank in the realms is definitely in Neverwinter. Question about Neverwinter. How bribable are they? Peyton told me that you told him that there was a cult there, and cult people are generally not that bribable. Here's my thought. The most reputable mercenaries are in Neverwinter. The most reputable bank is in Neverwinter.

To your point, the last thing I want to do is march up to Ravenloft with an army that's going to turn tail and run, or stab us in the back that seems like an undue risk. Now, I know we upset some people in neverwinter vis-a-vis the pyramid which again was not really our fault we kind of bit off more than we could chew but here's my thought why don't we go to neverwinter we'll deposit our money we'll hire an army of mercenaries we'll test their metal against the pyramid and if they're good enough to roll through the pyramid, we know they're good enough to fight whatever's coming at them at Ravenloft.

That's good. And we get the treasure in the pyramid for some extra money and to pay them more. Yeah, and we can re-up on the treasure. It's an investment that pays off over the long run like an index fund. Now, here's the question, though, Henry, because there are some states where the moment you cross state lines, they pick you up and throw us in jail and we have to forfeit all of our riches, man. Look, I, you know, I try to stay out of politics, but, you know, I don't feel like I'm saying anything too controversial when I say that wealthy people have an easier

time with law enforcement than non-wealthy people. So I understand your point, Glenn, but I think if we come into this town as men of means, I think we'll be able to make it work. And plus, just on a karmic level, I do feel like we need to balance out some of the sins that were committed either actively or passively by us. And we should, again, if you want to talk about like, you know, if we want to leave like a blind trust for P-A-E-D-E-N, you know, I think that's great. I also think we should maybe see if there's something we can do to help the people of Neverwinter. Peyton, he was talking about us giving you some money

and I flip him that diamond I took. He grabs the diamond out of there and he goes, whoa! Did you just propose to him? It's not on a ring, it's just a diamond. It's just a diamond. You sure? This is a lot don't spend that all

once you're 12 so Walter's like you better give that to me yeah Walter you're gonna take care of it right yeah I feel like I should

probably have it give some of it to the town make sure Peyton you know has taken care of it's like 2,000 gold yeah I know it should work for everything

and for everybody that could be taking out my share if that's what happens great just telling me back on his feet. I think we gotta go to Neverwinter. Oh, I didn't want to say

Walter, do you think you could whip up a new rear axle for the Honda Odyssey? Oh, whoa. Whoa. What is this thing? Oh, have we not shown you the Odyssey of Honda? Wait, he saw this early on. Yeah. That's stupid. No, no, no, no. We pop open the hood and he sees for the first time in the

forgotten realms a functioning internal combustion engine what the hell is that hey walter you're looking at the beast that's what you're looking at oh my god walter you're a man who works with metal uh i would say take some sketches here i think there's something in here that you might eventually make a lot of dough from. Oh, man. Everything's coming up Walter. So he takes some sketches and he looks at the cracked rear axle and goes, I think I know what to do here. And he just sort of fixes it, like, over the course of, you know, 12 hours. Yeah, it's like a bar.

It's a weld. I think we should probably head to Neverwinter because, let's be honest, if someone's going to try to take our money based off of what we've done, I think we should probably head to Neverwinter because, let's be honest, if someone's going to try to take our money based off of what we've done, I think we'll be okay. We'll be able to handle it. Okay. Well, Walter the Immoral, Payton, we must leave you once again and go find our sons and, you know, hopefully everything works out okay. Payton isn't around.

Walter's just like, yeah, I'll let him know. Oh, geez, where'd Payton run off to? I was really hoping we'd get to say goodbye to him. He said it would be really hard to say goodbye to you a second time, so I think he might be just being his... The door to his womb is kind of locked, so I think he's just in there. If I were him and I came across people as endowed with riches, I would sneak into their car and just try to follow them

and just be as rich as they are. Not saying that he did that. I'm just saying I would want to be rich but i am rich well just let me know we said bye i understand the boy needs a space i'll just let me know that we said bye oh there we go but yeah i'll see you guys back i guess okay well goodbye and that's for the park that you're gonna build it's i assume you got a plot or something already picked out for when you get in the town, Beck Osfeet. It's Glenn with two Ns. The Glenn Close Park for... Right?

Two Ns. Yeah, I'll definitely do that for sure. Perfect. Okay, cool. Yeah. I fucking hate that guy. He puts another dollar... He puts a diamond in the swear jar.

You drive past beautiful grows of trees that are colors that you can't even describe with your words and fucking I hate doing imagery Anthony that's what people who listen to D&D podcasts are so horny for like they will Tolkien-esque vacation to another world Anthony fucking give it to me man

I want a fucking picture of my brain you You drive past rivers that smell like chocolate. You drive past... Chocolate rivers? Hold on, we gotta pull over, guys. No, this is why you don't do imagery! This is why you don't give fucking sensory details! We all pee in the river, and then we jump back in the van, and we keep going. Okay, so now the river smells like pee and chocolate. Congratulations.

As you pull up to the outskirts of Neverwinter, Ron, you hear a psst. Yeah? Psst. Over here. Oh, never mind. Wait, what? What's up, Ron?

I said, yeah, and then I said, never mind. Okay. Oh, okay, Ron. Sounds good. Ron, right? Ron. So in the trunk behind you, underneath the pile of clothes, you see a little face poke out, and he goes,

it's exactly what you said. The thing that you said, that's what I did. I pretend to be on my phone, but I haven't rolled or anything. Yeah, that's what I said. Because it's a smart plan. Because I am super rich

and you can be too. And this is a multi-level mark. I'm trying to scam Payton. I don't care about money. I'm just hanging out with you guys. Could you make sure they're not going to drive me back though? Of course not. Payton, you're a rich boy now

and rich people can do anything. Do we roll to see if we eventually get this conversation? Yeah, why don't you roll perception? I roll the 16. Oof. Nine. I roll a three. I'm in the front window. Roll down.

I'm here in the landscape. So only Henry, you hear something back. Hey, Ron, what's going on back there? Who are you talking to? I'm just practicing my rich voice. You're practicing? Oh, okay. Payton gives you a surreptitious thumbs up like, nice, fuck.

Ron's practicing his rich voice, guys. That checks out. I say, I'm rich in family and friends. And then I give Peyton a wink. Hey, Ron, this one's for you. And I put on money, money, money. Yes. That's what that song's called.

So how are you handling the approach to Neverwinter? So paint the picture of when we approach Neverwinter. Because I actually forget, is there like a gated city? Yes. So there's a gate that used to have the sign of the doodler on it. You can see from a distance that they just ripped it up. They didn't even rip it down. Somebody just like fucking slashed at it with a sword or some shit.

Neverwinter's the one with a pyramid. That's what happened. Yes, correct. It feels like the right way to do this is to send an ambassador and then negotiate this out. Do you know what I mean? Like in the fifth element, yeah. Like in the fifth element. You guys saw the fifth element, right?

Are you talking? This is Glenn kind of looking into Disney's like, that was a good movie. So, okay. First of all, I have seen the fifth element and that movie's bullshit. There's way more elements than five elements and they're all specific types of building blocks

of the natural world. And so I just thought that what's the fifth one? Because they don't say it's not there's only five elements. they're all specific types of building blocks of the natural world and so i just thought that what's the fifth one because they don't say it's not there's only five elements it's just it's signaling out the fifth element it's boron you morons that's a little geology humor that's not really geology humor it's more like science humor but that's a classic joke wait is that what the movie's about boron uh no i think it's about like i just remember chris tuckers in it anyway so i so badly want payton to sit up and be like it's about like, I just remember Chris Tucker's in it. Anyway, so we're- I so badly want Peyton to sit up and be like, it's love. The fifth element is love. Okay. So I do think we should approach with caution. It feels like maybe a disguise or

two is in order. Point of order, how long has it been since we were in Neverwinter? It's been like a month, basically. It's been a month. There's no photos. There's no security cameras or anything like that, right? So on the road up to Neverwinter, you can see a bunch of wanted posters, you know, nailed into trees that are sort of poor doodles of all of you. The one that is weirdly the most like accurate is Ron

just because of his weird visage. It's just easier to sort of remember. But yeah, you can definitely see that. They're fans. They have posters up. It says wanted dead or alive, 300 gold coin reward. And we can keep this beast running and maybe scream out to them saying we want to talk to the authorities and kind of parlay a deal here.

Yeah, call in the chief of police or something and try and make a deal here. Yeah, they don't have anything faster than a car. So we just kind of lay on the horn? That's what you're saying? Yeah, lay on the horn. Call the neighbors out. See what's up. I just feel like maybe that'll result in a big old army of people coming after us and attacking us.

I'm rich now and can't afford fancy costumes. I am going to disguise myself as Peyton. I'm just a little... As Peyton? Yeah, I'm going to... And then Ron turns to the backseat and then is like trying to engage eye contact with Peyton while... Yeah, I'm going to pretend to be Peyton. I can actually do a really, really good Peyton impression because I am an actor.

If we could send in Ron as Peyton and then have him find the chief of police and then do that, that would probably be a little more low-key way of doing it. Well, you guys pretend to be dead and then they'll bring you in and you'll be right at the center of the action i mean look if we're a team here so if you three want to do that i just want to know is deception the key like i'm just a little worried about us being like in the middle and being seen whereas like the goal that we want is very simple which at some point they're going to know that it's us and we're going to have to deal with giving them some money and then hiring people here it's a very simple question do we want to call them out here to talk to us,

or do we want to risk going in there talking to them? And we're going to go in there talking to them. Do we want to disguise ourselves or send somebody? Glenn has a spell called disguise self. Oh. Or I could disguise myself and like stroll in and be a sort of third-party emissary. I think we should do what I believe the teens call a vibe check. And so I would suggest that it sounds like Glenn has a way of disguising

himself and could maybe do like a vibe check on the town and maybe contact the chief of police and be like, Hey, I'm an emissary. I represent the dads. They have a bunch of money. And then once we get a little initial recon info from Glenn, we can figure out a next step in terms of how best to handle the never winter situation. I'll admit I'm a little concerned that

Glenn's going to get captured or something. Here's what I'll do. One of you guys give me your phone and if something goes bad, I'll send a text message saying like, shit got rowdy. I love that rowdy. Well, mine ran out of batteries. You can have mine. Just don't look at

the text messages or the photos. Henry has a pair of those Apple AirPods. So I give them to Glenn so that we can be on speakerphone with him and he can tell us what's going on. Perfect. Great. Preventing this from being a podcast where one guy talks to one guy. Legends and dragons.

All right. By the way, I just I rolled a 10 so the phone stays on okay cool all right i'm down for it let's i think you know maybe give you one of our gems so you can show you know that we did indeed come into some wealth and um do your best to kind of get safe passage to go talk to them all right okay yeah i know matt's worried that's like we could just come out let's do it all right so what do you do? So I'm going to cast disguise self. Disguise self lets me make myself, including clothing, armor, etc, etc. Look like someone else.

I've gotten a lot of costumes. I can piece together bits and stuff of cloth and what have you. And I would like to look like a standard average traveler entering the town. Okay, now that question in terms of I mean mean like a man of means, right? Like a guy with a little bit of wealth. What's the, what's the foot traffic like going in and out of Neverwinter? As you approach on foot, the drawbridge lowers and you see a couple of small caravans of like some haggard looking families leaving, seemingly having packed up all their shit and trying to go somewhere else. Uh, you see like one or two mercenary looking dudes

walking into the town, kitted out in far more armor than a person should have on a normal day. Maybe be able to what you know there to try to try their luck against the thing inside the pyramid. Oh, it's like become like a depot for adventurers to try and hit the pyramid, huh?

Yeah, it could be. Interesting. All right, I'm going to go grab drinks for all of us so we can have some drinks and listen to Glenn. So I go in the back and I open the trunk so roll perception with advantage 15 oh plus what perception oh shit okay so you see as you open the trunk of the odyssey you see a rustle of clothes and uh something move beneath all those clothes like there's something in the trunk guys there's

something in this trunk a thief an animal An animal. It's pretty small. It could be a small thief. Okay, well, maybe see what it is. All right. I lean. I go very slowly. Hey, whoever's in there, if something's in there, watch out. I don't want to hurt you.

Daryl blindly stabs the body. Whatever's in there is just frozen completely. Oh, I guess there's nothing. I wink at Henry. Henry gives Daryl a thumbs up. Oh no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no. What do you think I'm going to do? The same thing that happened last time. I thought that too, but I believe you,

I want to do that, but he doesn't know his paid in. So I'm not going to hotbox. What could be an animal or a thief? So I lift up the blanket. So you see Peyton frozen there like... Peyton. Guys, it's Peyton.

You can't see me. Peyton, what on earth are you doing here, young man? No, we see you. It's an illusion. It's an illusion. I pick him up. Everybody see him? God damn it.

It's Ron. That's right. It's me. It's Ron. I'm Ron Stampler. And I'm Peyton. I'm a mostly detached stepdad. Wait, Ron, did you know he was in there?

No. I didn't know anything. I'm Ron. I'm Peyton. I'm on my own all the time. Look, we'll talk about this later. I'm very disappointed in you. You're so strong, Gary.

I'm disappointed in you too, Ron. You knew. I want to hear more of Beth's Peyton impression. I'm going to go hide my pants. I'm disappointed in you too, Ron. You knew. I want to hear more of Beth's impression. I'm going to go hide my pants. I'm going to be a fortunate foster child. Glenn here is about to risk his life. I'm fortunate to have found you. Ron.

I do say that. All right. Well, Peyton, come up here. Don't hide in the back. We'll talk about this later. But Glenn's about to. Ron, please stop being painted. I think the jig'ston, come up here. Don't hide in the back. We'll talk about this later. But Glenn's about to. Ron, please stop being Payton. I think the jig's up, Ron. Okay.

We did give him a run for his money. And we have a lot of money. I feel like you were better to me than I was you. Glenn, sorry. I know you must be very stressed out right now. You're about to go in the lion's den. I can't hear because I'm playing the Limp Bizkit remix of the Mission Impossible theme in my earphones. And I'm like rocking out to him. Like, you know, hey. in the lion's den. I can't hear because I'm playing the lip biscuit remix of the mission impossible theme in my ear. I'm like rocking out to him.

Like, you know, hey, I take off one ear. You know, Fred Durst gets a lot of shit, but this is a fucking great song. Now. Oh, oh, we go. Are we good? Okay. All right. Go.

I've disguised self. Okay. I'm going to approach the gate. I'm going to grab one of the posters of the of the dads on it just to have on me as I'm walking through the gate. So you walk through the gate and one of the blue coats at the entrance to the city holds out a hand to stop you and goes, what is your business here?

Oh, I'm inquiring about... Oh, I can do a cool voice now too. I'm inquiring about the nature of this bounty. The weird dads? Yeah. Indubitably. I mean, they basically killed a bunch of people here. So if you want to find them and bring them in,

we'll give you the answer. I'd like to have a word with your guard inspector about the nature of this bounty. Boreanaz? Yeah, yeah. I mean, Boreanaz is up in the Bluecoat Precinct. Ah, indeed. Indeed.

Oh, he's that way. Oh, yeah, you can go talk to him. Oh, thank you. You seem fine. Thank you. You seem cool enough. Hey, Glenn, this is Henry. You're doing great.

Just keep it up. You're doing a really good job. Guys, you heard that, right? Roll roll deception just so you know what the mechanics are for this to discern that you are disguised a creature can use its action to inspect your appearance and must succeed on an intelligence investigation then never mind because he had no reason to believe you were lying so he's not going to investigate you i said boreanaz will boreanaz will find out as you re-enter the town proper, you see most prominently, by far, the massive pyramid that you sort of spawned into existence by throwing the beans last time you were here.

You see a bunch of, like, construction scaffolding and stuff. Like, they were trying to maybe destroy the pyramid, but it feels like it's not working because there's no cracks in the pyramid or anything like that. You see some people being carried out of the pyramid on stretchers. I flagged down a nearby local-looking person. Okay. You see an old woman. Madam, I have a question for you. What want ye,

newcomer? This pyramid, I've heard tell of it in the taverns across the land. To what degree is this a nuisance to this town? How do you feel about it? I'm trying to get what they call a vibe check, if you will. My vibe is that it's a pain

right in the taint. We had a flourish in the taint is a much better turn of phrase pain in the taint has a little rhyme to it a little it's quite emily dickinson isn't it yeah that's what a coincidence it's my name um emily yeah no we had this nice community going we all believed in this one thing and bringing it back and changing the world and everything was great. And then this pyramid came out of nowhere, just randomly, just like a roll of destiny's dice.

And it appeared on our doorstep and killed like, you know, a couple hundred people. And now we've got adventurers coming. A couple hundred people? Yeah, it's very large. Terrell makes a sound of the cross. He starts praying. Henry turns pale.

He had not considered how many people were in the tower that got crushed some people tried to make lives themselves but with this big thing in the center of the town it was this constant reminder the people they lost so we lost a lot of our population and what has what has the local government done about it local government's kind of been in a shambles really like borianna's are sort of a sheriff slash may he was you know he was leading us and attempting to bring back the doodler and uh it kind of ruined him because for a while they thought that the thing inside might have been the doodler but then it started killing a lot of people

and we thought that's not what the doodler does the doodler doesn't suck people's juices out through their noses that's that's odd and so he's kind of just been planning some other way of maybe bringing him back i don't know he kind of just broke him he's just a just been planning some other way of maybe bringing him back. I don't know. It kind of just broke him. He's just a shattered remains of what used to be a man, if I can be so bold. Very well. Thank you, Emily. No, no problem at all. This is weighing heavy on my conscious fellow dads.

The chaos, the pyramid rot. You know, we kind of hightailed it out of there and I never really stopped her. And obviously, you know, we saw the effect it had on CER cern but i didn't really comprehend how to devastate an entire town you know i know they were trying to summon a big bad monster it sounds like a big bad voodoo daddy a big bad voodoo daddy as it were but the uh i it's i'm sorry it's just flashback to middle school just awkward dances where it's like this is the thing we're all dancing to okay i feel like since it was the forces of chaos unleashed by us that resulted in the devastation of this town and it was us coming into this world that's caused all these problems and then it was again the forces of randomness that brought this money to us

i kind of feel like we should give the money to neverwinter so they can rebuild daryl is like i understand where you're coming from henry but i one i think that's about you trying to fix your own guilt let's not uh forget that when we came here they were literally having pits where they kill people and two it's like look i have no problem donating some money but we got a lot of stuff going on including going to another town that probably needs money because you know we've heard that ravenloft's a terrible place i don't think that we can just throw out our entire plan to save our kids plus take down an evil town called ravenloft because we feel guilty about something that yes we were a cause of but frankly was also pure chaos and fog of war and all that it feels a little wild to get rid of all of our money but hey you know

your split is your split if you want to give it to them, you can. What do you guys want to do? Guys, hold on. I think we got power. I'm heading back. You don't want to go to Boreanaz? I don't think it's going to do us any good. It sounds like the whole town is set up against us. I can't disguise all of us. It feels like I need to be able to negotiate this. We could send in paid, didn't we? Could you just go talk

to the mercenaries? Why do we need to talk to Boreanaz? That's actually not a thing, but I want you to just go find the mercenaries and be like, hey, come meet us outside of town. Let's go hire the mercenaries. Oh, we need to talk to boreanaz actually now the thing but i want to just go find the mercenaries and be like hey come meet us outside of town let's go hire the mercenaries oh here's a plan henry wouldn't it make you feel better if we got rid of the big demon in the pyramid that's true that would be one way to help there's a lot of treasure in there yeah which they could use to rebuild their town yes and we would still get the mercenaries to go destroy raven loft and do a lot of good there and find our kids it feels like we could all win okay i could get on board with that.

I think as long as I don't think about it too hard. All right. Yeah. I would say then, yeah, we should maybe steer clear of Boreanaz and go contact you. Whoever is the head of the, you know,

see if there's a mercenary goal we can hire and maybe we can meet with them outside the town. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to go and look for the mercenary guild,

like wherever the mercy, is there a mercenary part of town or something like that. So there's a mercenary company called Bad Dogs that are basically in the corner of town. They're one of the few places remaining in Neverwinter that feels as well put together as it was before. And everything else is in chaos. The Bad Dogs are a bastion of consistency amongst all of this chaos. It's a very clean building, brutalist architecture, two guards standing outside,

looking very confident, great posture, the height of professionalism. They have brutalism in the dance? They do. It's different though. There's a lot of dead bodies on walls. Okay, so yeah,

I'm going to go in and talk to whoever's manning the place. When you enter the Bad Dogs Mercenary Guild, there is a guy sitting at the front desk saying, ah, hello, do you have an appointment? Oh, yeah, I was looking to hire some man of mercenary. Okay, well. Your entire operation, in fact. Our entire operation? I'd like to speak to your leader.

Ask him how many mercenaries they have. How many mercenaries do you have here at this operation? At this particular branch, there are a hundred of us, but one of the great things about the Bad Dogs mercenary companies that we have, branches all over clandestinely. Like, this is the one place you can come and hire us, but we can assemble ultimately, depending

on when you want us to show up. This is like the flagship Whole Foods in Pasadena. Exactly. We don't like to say exactly how many of us there are, but I'm sure that whatever your needs are, we can meet those needs. I represent a significant source of wealth, and I'd like to hire many mercenaries.

Okay, let me go get my boss, Captain Cabbage Patch, and a seven-foot-tall beanpole of a man comes out with a pencil-thin mustache. And he says, Benedict Cabot patch. Nice to meet you. That name was from Anton Nguyen. Uh, thank you for that name.

I hate that name. And I hate Antoine. Well, his name's Anton. Oh, Anton. Okay. Go on.

Thank you. Doing your Benedict Cumberbatch. No, my name is Benedict Cabot patch. Benedict. Yes. Oh, yes. Yes. I'm now realizing I show sort of the same voice

as you. We've added a fifth goofy accent to the episode. To my repertoire. Benedict, Benedict, Benedict. Yes, I'd like to hire you for a significant amount of money. And you and your man. Don't say we're going to ask, say how many people we want. We want a lot of people.

Mention the money again. What kind of funds are we dealing with? Because we have a sliding scale depending on the severity of the need that you have. Well, tell me what's a lot of this buys. And I pull out the one piece of jewelry that you've given me to sort of show off. His mustache falls off. And he says, holy mother of, that is at least 2,000 gold coins worth of jewelry. Good eye, my man.

That's quite a bit where this came from. I mean, that on its own could be 20 men. We should get an estimate on how much it would cost to assault Castle Ravenloft. Also, Cliff Wright, he's doing a quick trick where he just said a lie, and then he's going to make that normal. He meant 200 men, if it's $10 per person.

Oh, sorry, I did the math wrong. 20 men. Glenn, sorry. I did the math wrong. 20 men. Glenn, push back. So you know how much they cost. I know how much these men cost. 200. I just had to try and play hardball. I'd like to take two estimates from you.

Yes. How many men do you think it would take to assault this pyramid in the town that's causing so much of a ruckus? Now, the pyramid, we have taken a very clear stance on we are not going to invade the pyramid of our own involition. People have requested us. Nobody's been able to afford our rates. We feel that a good, clean 50 men could

probably clear out the interior of that pyramid. I hold true to that. And if I'm wrong, there is no money back guarantee, but I will be very embarrassed. That's the cabbage patch guarantee. You can hire my army of cabbage patch kids. Well well but one of the jewels i showed so a quarter of a jewel yeah okay and then what about if we were to mount in this song

on cast and rave i love castle he grows any mustache you wish to siege castle ravenloft in Barovia? Well, that would surely require at least... His mustache moves across his face, like migrates up his cheek around his forehead. The mustache gets up and starts writing equations on the wall. That's a difficult thing to predict, because when you get into Barovia,

that's a land of very dark magics, the likes of which most people do not return from. But as the leader of the bad dogs, I have said no job is too terrifying and no rate is too terrifying. But if we're talking about Castle Ravenloft with the late Strahd Von Zarovich, that is a 30-story castle with parapets and a bridge.

The thing about Castle Ravenloft, as a military man myself, there is only one point of egress. It is an island amongst mountains with only a small land bridge connecting it to the surrounding environs. So that's a very difficult place to assault. It's very easy to defend. If I had my druthers, and oh, would I have my druthers, we would have people coming in from the sky.

We would have people ascending from the back using picks to climb the mountain. We would have a main force along the thoroughfare trying to bash down the door. It would be, oh, it would be glorious. How much, baby? And that requires around 500 people. How do we get this money into your hands then? We operate essentially on a 75-25 policy

where you pay 75 of the funds up front to an escrow, which then releases to us. It's a literal crow. Yeah, it's a crow named S. And it's like, ah! It's in the fucking window. You give it to that escrow, and he takes it to a bank, and they hold it, and then the remaining 25 you pay

after the fact, win, lose, or draw. The escrow is to guarantee that if we bug out and don't do the job, which we would never do because we have a 100% completion rate, even if not a 100% success rate, that you could get your money back from the crow. So do we want to do Pyramid or do we want to just go straight

for Ravenloft? I think we got to do both. We have $7 million. 3.2, but yeah, okay. Alright, I think we got a deal. Ron, are you signing off? Ron, you're the business man. What do you think? Okay. Alright, look, you got three yeses over here, Glenn. I want to put the money down to

assault the pyramid. Perfectly. First, I'm just going to need your name. I need you to fill out this form. And so, yeah, he hands you the form. And the first thing it says is name. I'll put that. I'll put Stevie Nicks. Okay, so he looks at that and he looks at your face and he goes, you don't seem like much of a

Stevie. Stevie's a... What do you mean? Stevie's a cool name do you mean? Stevie's a cool name. I mean, Stevie's a cool name. Okay, that definitely, okay, so he's going to roll in and what does he have to do, an intelligence check? A creature can use action to inspect your appearance and intelligence against my spell save DC. You should have said a fancier name, Glenn.

So what's your spell save DC? That's 14. So he goes like, there's something, wait a second, wait a moment, Wait a moment. Wait a moment. And then everybody back in the van, you hear static on the comm. And then it suddenly cuts out. Glenn!

Glenn! These stupid AirPods, they short out every time. They're so unreliable. Can I do like a slinky, like get away type of role or something? Like a walk into the other room with me. Okay, hold on. What is happening? Clearly he's got caught, but we're not supposed to know what's happening because

yeah, we wouldn't know. So I can narrate for the audience. Anthony has literally snuck into Freddie's bedroom and now they are talking about what happened between Glenn and the mercenaries. So he come back and they're back. Okay. Okay. So yes,

Freddie will email me the results of his role. Okay. So we'll keep that away from everybody else. Okay. All right. So wait, the static cut out in the van. The static cut out.

And after, you know, what happened to Glenn? Glenn, are you there? Peyton's like, I can't go out and get him. Do you need to get him?

No, stay where you are. Stay where you are. Everyone stay calm. Okay. So after what feels like way too long of of waiting and keeping you in suspense, you hear fists beating on the door. Of the van?

Yeah. Guys. Glenn. Glenn. What happened, dude? The AirPods cut out. We lost contact. Oh, yeah, man.

You got charged. So good news and bad news. Okay. They know who we are. That's the bad news. Yeah, I expected that would happen. But the good news is since they're dirty mercenaries, all they care about is money.

So we just got to pay a little bit extra and they'll keep their mouths shut. Which we got plenty. I rolled high. I rolled high. You rolled high.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Anyway, yeah, they just want that down payment. They got the escrow here to like take it and we're ready to

assault. So like, where are we keeping these things? How much are they going to take for it? They just want three jewels. Three jewels?

Dang, Glenn. Good job, man. Yeah. Wow. Henry's genuinely impressed that this went well. So I'm going to take for it? They just want three jewels. Three jewels? Dang, Glenn, good job, man. Henry's genuinely impressed that this went well. So I'm going to walk to the back and knock on the back to open the trunk. Alright, I guess open the trunk for her. Which you can do automatically. There's a button to your left if you're in the driver's seat that will automatically

open. I know how the Odyssey works. I roll down the side window by accident first and I go, oh shit, and I open up the back. Now you probably opened the side door accidentally because those buttons are next to each other um so do we all need to go or just what's the what's no no guys i got this i'll be the sort of representative of the group so i'm going to get the jewels and walk away okay well all right let let us know how it goes i guess do we wait here what do we do and then moments later. Guys! You guys, you gotta get me in! Guys, they're after us!

They figured it out! They figured it out! We gotta go! No! We just saw you! What happened? What do you mean you just saw me? We just saw Glenn just knock down the door! As you say that, I just saw you.

Your phone rings. No! Is it my phone? Yeah, Ron, your phone rings. Ron's phone. Ron's speaking. Thanks for the juice, sucker! It's gonna be alright, it'll be alright, cause that's just life.

And if you die, it'll be alright. It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright It'll be alright, cause that's just life All you do is try, and it'll be alright Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson Anthony Birch as our DM Will Campos as Henry Oak Beth May as Ron Stampler And myself, Freddie Wong, as Glenn Close

Theme song and outro is Alright Right by Max and Waller. Thanks this week to Eileen Klaus, Paul Crovasier and Anton Nguyen for their contributions of names that we used in this episode. Special thanks also to our Patreon supporters, Maria Laredo, Fred Genier, if you're French, if you're not French,

I'm definitely pronouncing that wrong. Matthew Nolan, Jeffrey Harris and Murray M. Moss, just one of the many people putting the team on their back and helping support this podcast through our patreon which is at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads now our patreon folks already know this but as you heard at the top of the episode our merch store is now finally open yay we have a selection of five fine enamel pins for sale now at dungeonsanddaddies.com or if you prefer ron.business uh we got rock's rock pin a hot dice flaming d20 pin uh thing of ron hiding in his pants why are you still listening to me describe things they're pictures it's it's so much easier to just look at the pictures you

can see those pictures at dungeonsanddaddies.com and click on the merch button at the top of the page so if you want to support the podcast but aren't ready to commit to a monthly thing like the patreon have a look at our merch store and see if there's anything there that tickles your fancy So if you want to support the podcast but aren't ready to commit to a monthly thing like the Patreon, have a look at our merch store and see if there's anything there that tickles your fancy. We are at Dungeons and Dads on Twitter, bit.ly slash Dungeon Dads for that private Facebook group, r slash Dungeons and Daddies for that subreddit. Next episode is coming at you December 10th. Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans listening and to all the Americans listening.

If you have a frozen turkey, it's like Tuesday. You need to be defrosted that like yesterday. You got to get on that. Come on, man. In any case, thanks for listening. We'll see you December 10th. There was a time when you could read between the lines you know they never

brought you down never brought you down never brought you down maybe we should also kick some to start like an orphanage for all the yeah kids right here man i go for a big hug yeah we could call it the glenn close academy for needy children you know that's it was your idea and there could be a big statue out front of me like wailing on the guitar, and the kids will be like, oh, what's that instrument? And then all the kids,

they have to sign a contract which says that I get a portion of any royalties they eventually receive. Aaron and Anthony both say, so what do you want to do?