Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 34 - Dedicated Involved Loving Fathers (ft. Ashly Burch)

Episode Date: May 26, 2020

The dads, Darryl, Henry, Ron, Glenn, and fan-fave Dennis join up with Walter the Immoral and decide on their next course of action!Special guest Ashly Burch played Dennis AndersonThis episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, animal cruelty/animal death, violence towards children, body horror, and elements of gaslighting/emotional abuse.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Join our Facebook group!Check out the subreddit!Project DADGUT is the group transcription projectDM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Intro narration by Will JenkynsSend us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the description.

Tantor Audio presents Forsnaken, a history of the snake people of the land of Faerun. Written by Sea Snake. Narrated by Will Jenkins, published by Kobold Press Neverwinter, who holds the copyright thereto. Book 7, My Time with the Daddies, Part 3, The Orcish Fire Pit, Chapter 8, A Debt Fulfilled. The End Sssss. Sssss. Walter the Immoral. Sssss. Payden. Sssss. End of side one. To continue, please flip this podcast to side two. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, not really even a D&D podcast. I figured it out, folks. It's a true crime podcast based on the things that we say. Yes! Real crime junkies know.

This is a D&D podcast, kind of, about five dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms on the quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bard of the group. This week's Glenn fact, everyone remembers the contentious war of PlayStation versus Xbox. We all were on different sides of those battle lines. As if it's not still going on, Freddie. That's true. But Glenn Close was well aware of that. And he never understood what the big deal was

because you just get both. I don't get it. And then people are like, Glenn, you're an adult. This is not a war between adults. This is a war between children and teenagers. Did he bring up this point with Nick while not buying Nick either console?

Oh, no. Nick definitely had both four consoles if you think glenn close wasn't hooking nick up with video games in lieu of parenting then you have not been paying attention that's very true fair that i'm one of the like pirated xboxes or the like jailbroken ones that have like every snes game on there i got one of them hacked ps2s that actually did have one of those it was a great investment anyway hi my name is Matt Arnold. I play a Daryl Wilson,

a stay at home coach dad who becomes a barbarian in the forgotten realms. Quick little dad fact about Daryl, or I guess it's also about Grant. So Grant's nickname is shooter. And he got that also at the same time that Daryl was banned from sharing YouTube videos anymore or any videos with his kid. What? So Grant, I'm sorry.

I'm dreading the end of this. Grant was having his soccer friends over and they're doing a little YouTube party, having a good time. And Daryl's like, oh, here's a funny ass video. I'll show you guys a funny video. He pulled out one of the first videos he had on his phone of his kid, which was when he was changing Grant's diaper for the first time by himself without Carol. Grant shot shit across the entire room and Daryl started laughing. He kept that video.

So he showed it to all his friends and now all his friends call him Shooter. And he's banned from the show. Wait a second. I'm doing the math on timelines as to when people had cell phones with video cameras on them and when Nick would have been born

and then Daryl had that phone? He has an Nokiaia that none of this adds up there's a video camera timeline today it was a vhs tape he saved it that's very good he's like i got a youtube he pulled out a 16 millimeter camera like in uh national lampoon's christmas vacation and pulled all the kids around and scanned through all the wedding photography i was like no no here i got something to show you. And then what's this? It's Grant shooting shit across the room. I like that he had a 16. I guess it would have been like a home movie or whatever.

That checks out. All right. It's Carol in the background screaming, hey, change the diaper. Why are you filming this? Why are you filming this? It's going to seep into the wallpaper. Matt, no joke.

I think every parent friend of mine has had the same story. Yep, I have the video on my phone still. I'm definitely saving it to share with not-significant-other at some point. Hey, everyone. What's up? I'm Will. I play Henry Oak, Birkenstock-rockin', hippie, granola-crunchin', munchie, crunchy, hippie-nature,

druid dad. Henry's dad fact this week. I feel like I gave you guys a nice, sincere dad fact last week, so we're back to cruel, awful Henry facts. And this one I decided to do in honor of Freddie and Matt's side podcast, Debate Me Coward, where they debate pizza toppings

and set the internet on fire. It's more than just pizza toppings, William, but go ahead, reductive much, but... Henry's favorite pizza is pineapple. And you're probably wondering. You fuck. You're probably wondering. You're like, but wait, Henry's vegan.

How does he eat cheese? And no, no, no, no, no. Henry does not put cheese on his pizza. His pizza is just crust, tomato sauce, and pineapple. And that's his favorite pizza. Actually, guys, that sounds delightful. Thank you. That one is courtesy of my wife uh my wife cherish she came up with that one so beth you say that sounds delightful but just turn around and tell me how disgusting this sounds how about i give you a

slice of pineapple put some marinara sauce on top of it and put some breadcrumbs on it also it sounds disgusting you know he'll sprinkle a little oregano on there maybe some red pepper flakes like it's all the trappings of pizza, but with no cheese. I mean, I just love pineapple. You could do a lot to pineapple before I would say no. Anyways. Hey, murderinos. I'm Beth May.

And I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached stepfather in Rogue. This week's dad fact about Ron. Okay. I think that Ron didn't know that male person was a profession. I think that he just thought they were like, it's people that come over like sometimes noon, sometimes 2 p.m. Just to say hi and give you stuff. I didn't think he thought that it was like anybody's job. He just thought they were men.

He's like, I'm a male person too. Hi. Yeah, a male person. A male. And hey everyone, I'm Ashley Birch. I play Dennis Anderson. He's a thirst trap PTA firefighter widow dad. Ooh, we love him for it.

And he's a bit of a rogue. He's a bit roguish in his way. Dennis's dad fact this week is, so Dennis likes to go to a 6am yoga class to keep his body tight. And that's like the witching hour for widows to find hot dads to kind of snake on. 6 a.m. 6 a.m.

You know, they get up bright and early. They get their shit did. They come to yoga. They're looking for Denny. I mean, he does everything better than Henry. Henry only does his yoga at 7 a.m. I know. He has to get up early because he has to be able to take

little Ulysses to school. That's so sweet. I know. It's very sweet. Because six is the number that sounds closest to sex. Exactly. But you know, Dennis is a pure heart, so he wouldn't know that necessarily. He just thinks it's a nice time. It's nice to start your day early. He doesn't know that six and sex sound similar.

He goes to yoga early, and one week, one of the widows that had taken a shine to him gave him a shirt that said DILF, but underneath it said devoted, involved, loving father. And he just thinks that that's what he thinks DILF stands for. And he was like, oh, that's really sweet. And now it's kind of an in joke between her and the other widows. Oh my gosh. We all hate each other because they really want to bang Dennis. Ashley, am I hearing it right that this is like some sort of widow yoga that Dennis crashes?

Yes. Sort of like, it's weirdly, it's the widow witching hour. A bunch of widows just happen to come to this yoga class. Oh, it's not like you're not allowed to do yoga unless your husband is dead?

No, no, no, no. It's one of those things where everyone found out that Dennis goes there at six. So now all the thirsty widows come out of their hidey holes to go to yoga. Which yoga studio is this? In Los Angeles?

Wouldn't you like to know? Which yoga studio is this and who does Beth need to marry and then murder to get into it? It's the Core Power Yoga on La Cienega. I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your daddy master. And I have good news. Our long national nightmare is over. I have found a way to pet my cat

that does not involve any erogenous zones at all. Oh God. It's totally fine. Proud to be an American today. I really wish she wouldn't keep talking about this. Is it just you telling your cat that you're not going to pet it anymore? It's just like, no, you don't get pets.

No, I just lick my own ass in front of my cat. Oh God. Establish his dominance. No, you do the head down to the middle of the back, and then you do it really rough, and that is enough to confuse her senses. She's like, I guess this is what I want. It's worse when you say it that way. No, she loves it.

What is happening? It's not erotic. She just really likes it. It's worse. She loves it. I ferminated my cat today. She loves it. Oh.

Oh, yeah. Is it exactly like ferminating? There you go. Every time this almost isn't a BDSM podcast, it just works its way, its magical way back into being a BDSM podcast. BDSM is the black hole at the center of our universe. My cat has never nutted, and my cat

will never nut. When we last left you, you had finished barbecuing the Dread Calvacaris to find out where all of your daddy magic anchors were. Dennis scoring that roll for medium rare on that, right? Oh, yeah. So to reiterate, Henry's was in Oakvale. Daryl's was in Balls Deep. Ron's was in Swankery Hill. Glenn's was in Meth Bay.

And Dennis's was in the Librarium Decepticus. And right as you were considering talking about, hey, which anchor are we going to go through first? Aaron O'Neill came up on the leaves and told you that because the thing that was in your van that prevented you from being magically located has disappeared. The Omega Dads know where you are. They sent bounty hunters after you. And then immediately afterward, you heard the familiar voice of Walsh with the immoral coming and asking where the hell his son Peyton was. And you immediately told him like, oh, Peyton's right there. And he went, okay, cool. No big deal. And he put his sword away. So Walter says, where's your thing?

Walter, hey, hey, it's me, Henry Oak. Hi, nice to see you again. You know, Peyton snuck out with us and then we got tangled up in a whole bunch of crazy hijinks and uh we were just on our way to bring him back to you right guys and i look at all the other dads like to give like the thumbs up like like does this sound like a good yeah absolutely glenn thumbs ups and nods i mean you know payton payton goes where he wants also i'm pretty sure that we gotta get the hell out of here asap so if you're gonna be mad at us for taking your kid like let's do that. Not here. And Walter, you know, Hayden's coming of age and he needs to go on some adventures and just sort of discover himself. And we're a safe group to do that in. So I don't think you need to worry

about him too much. Uh, okay. Who are you? Hayden, who is currently hugging Dennis around the stomach and like a front facing backpack, like turns his neck to look at Walter and goes like, yeah, yeah, I feel very safe. And he nuzzles Dennis's ample pecs. Dennis pets Peyton's hair in a very loving way. He purrs. In a non-erotic way. In a non-erotic, platonic, nurturing way.

Nowhere near the tail. Peyton will never nut. I make that promise to you, dear listener. Oh, poor kid, really? Never. I mean, never? Like to your listener. Oh, poor kid. Really? Never. I mean, never? Okay. Well, I won't get into that. If you pay... We won't know if he does unless he tells us.

If we get 10,000 Patreon subscribers, we'll do Dungeons and Daddies Nights that's like 20 years in the future and tells you about all Pam's escapades. Ron turns to Dennis and says, Hi. Hey, bud. You okay? I'm Ron. and says, hi. Hey, bud. You okay?

I'm Ron. I know, buddy. Yeah. Ron is my name. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah, just you're just hanging out with. Hey, Peyton, who's your friend here?

Dennis. Ron. Obviously, my main man okay dennis leans over to glenn and goes is he doing the thing he does is he's is he goofing you know half the time it's a goof and half the time you don't know where the goof goes so you kind of just ride until there's a punchline but sometimes the punchline never comes right okay i don't know if this is like the mustache thing like the practical joke thing but i don't think we have time for this just that walter did he bring any horses or anything so we could get the hell out of here i didn't need to bring a horse i bought something i would say considerably cooler based on what you showed me that one time let me bring it out and he steps in the shadows and then walks out what seems to be a motorcycle with four sidecars attached on either side. It's a very, very wide motorcycle made primarily of wood and like rusted metal.

Dennis kind of raises his hand and goes, these are sort of dangerous. Maybe I should drive. You know, I've done some motorcycle racing in my time. Oh, that's right. Dennis did the whole motorcycle thing earlier. Yeah, yeah. I think that's a good call. Dennis, why don't you roll a persuasion?

Oh, no. Eight. He goes, Dennis, as always, I appreciate your attempts to make things easier on me, but I think it would be more reasonable if I drove it because I understand the weight of this baby and how to keep it going. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, there might not be room for Dennis.

What? Why wouldn't there be room for Dennis, Ron? I mean, I was going to say, it does seem like there's going to be room for everyone and the kids? Right? Because, like, if there's only four sidecars, do we just, I guess we all just scooch in? Walter looks at it and he goes like, oh, I can't believe I screwed up. I forgot to put on the fifth sidecar. Oh, Walter.

You know, buddy, it's totally fine. It's totally fine. Hey, how about this? Would you mind, I can just sit behind you if there's room and I'll just hug you. You can hold me around the stomach? Yeah, I'll just hold you around the stomach. And then we'll just go on our merry. Does that work?

Yeah, I think so. Okay, great. That way everyone can be comfy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is everybody going to get in the motorcycle? Yeah, I grab Grant, and I hop in one of the sidecars. I grab Lark and Sparrow by the hand, and I say, Motorcycles are very dangerous, and I'm a little nervous about us all getting in here without helmets on, so

we're just going to sit very still, okay? Mmm. Uh, mmm, yep. Yes. Okay, well, you guys are going to be each other's safety buddies, so see who can hold on to the sides of the side car the tightest, okay? I bet that I can hold on tighter than either

of you. Larkin's Farrah immediately go like, I take that challenge. And they grip into the sidecar so hard that the wood of it splinters. Glenn sits down with Nick. He's like, hey, Nick, can you pass me the other end of that seatbelt? Just kidding.

I was like, I don't know where it is. Oh man. We don't need a seatbelt where we're going. Fucking good shit. Good shit. Hey, Terry, after you, kiddo, you want to hop in there in the sidecar thing? Well, if I go in first, you're going to have to be sitting on my lap. Do you want to go in first?

No, you can go in first. You know, I just want to. Dennis seems to be having a great time so close to the bully wog. I don't see why I can't be wrapped around somebody. Just sort of there for no reason. Yeah, Terry, why don't you make room for your dad, huh? There's not a lot of space.

We all have to cuddle up. Thanks, Dennis. No problem, bud. And Ron just squints like very hard at Dennis, but in like a way that everybody else might seem innocent. Terry kind of goes like, yeah, you got a good point. And so he gets in the car first and tries to scoot over to make enough space. There isn't enough space.

So you're just going to sit on your stepson's lap. Yeah. Is that cool? Is that weird? No, I don't think it's weird. I don't think it's weird. I think it's weird. Ron is canonically 5'4".

Terry's like, this is, this doesn't have to Terry's like, this doesn't have to be weird. It really doesn't have to be weird. Hey, Terry, you're right. It does not have to be weird at all. It doesn't. It doesn't even have to be a little bit weird. It can just be like this. I mean, one of us is going to have to sit on the other's lap,

and you are not wearing pants. So no matter what, it's going to be a little bit weird. I'm already sitting on his lap. I'm already sitting. I lean over to Grant, and I'm like, those Stamplers are pretty weird, aren't they? Grant, for the first time in what feels like hours, meets your eyes and goes, yes.

And then looks away again. Oh, they found a new bond. They can shit on Ron. I like the thing that Ron is taking Terry's hands and then like clasping them around his waist and then like clasp your fingers, fingers please to be a seatbelt. So Walter guns it and this behemoth made of wood and steel that's powered by seemingly a big box of coal at his feet roars out of the cave. And as the daylight of the cave begins to hit you, you begin to see the silhouettes of five riders approaching you on mounts of various

different sizes. And as the car gets closer and closer, you can see that some bounty hunters on a very large mastiff, a horse, a camel, a skinny elephant, and a miniature pony a la little Sebastian are all charging towards you. And they look to be Kenku, which is bird

people that can't fly. Idiots. What's even the point? Okay. So they're all holding their weapons forward and sort of charging at you. And the motorcycle is coming toward them. And you're about to hit them. Is there anything you'd like to do before you hit them?

Oh, so it's like a jousting moment. Like we're both going straight at them. Oh, so they're coming straight at us? Yeah. Can I do like a perception-y type check to see if there's any sort of hot maneuvering we could do? If there's any sort of way we could slip between or do something advantageous with the room that we got?

The room you're in is hypothetically collision course, but actually, why don't you give me a perception check and then I'll tell you. Could we do like the cartoon thing where we split the side cars away and then they go through us and then we bring them back together? Absolutely, you can do that i got an 18 okay so with an 18 you you know that a you could do the thing that matt just said

and b hypothetically if you did it properly enough you could like fold in the end side cars and then like use the tunnel that you're in like a pipe and then sort of drive around the circumference of it, like going over them kind of. Well, like in Men in Black when he presses the red button. Exactly. Henry, this is all you, baby. All you got to do is do the vines. We split up and we make a clothesline. Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's pretty good. Oh, yeah. I think we should do that. Guys, you ever watch that movie where it's the guy and his dad and they're in a motorcycle with the sidecar. And I think his dad is James Bond. And the younger guy is like, he's Harrison Ford. I can't remember which movie this is, but it doesn't matter. They're in a little car and they separate. I think at one point I might be remembering this wrong. Look, the point is that movie, we're going to do like a little clothesline, right? So check this out. And I cast entangle on

the side of the motorcycle. So you haven't detached the cars yet, right? No. The idea is I'm going to pull like a big vine or thing of vines out of this pile of entangled vines. And then we're going to like stretch it out and like split and clothesline them. Probably like Dennis holds one side of it. Yeah. Like, do you guys remember when we dropped the pyramid in Neverwinter and then Dennis and I both jumped off the other sides with a rope and then we were hanging and balancing. It's like that.

Actually, what? You don't remember the pyramid? Yeah, Ron. There was that whole thing. We killed all those people. It was really bad. Hey, mister, I caused the pyramid. It was all my fault. You know? Give me a little credit here. Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to... I know it's a sore subject. Ron, I look straight at Ron. Ron, we all cause the pyramid, man. You can't put that on your own shoulders. Yeah, well, I was just saying that Dennis, I don't know what Dennis did. Ron, we can sort out who did what about the pyramid. We can look.

It's important when you go through something traumatic to process it. But right now is really not the time. And I look at Dennis. I say, Dennis, just like the pyramid, bro. And I throw him a wink and then I toss him the uh other end of the vine you got it run under his breath this is not just like the pyramid and then glenn is going to take this moment to do a little bit of bardic inspiration and quote some iron maiden at dennis so dennis uh ashley you're going to be able to have a 1d8 for any ability check that

you want to do here for the next 10 minutes. So inspired are you by the lyrics of Iron Maiden? Anthony. Okay. So I want to use all of the core yoga strength that I have to try to hold on to this vine while also keeping the motorcycle straight so that Walter doesn't like tip since we're doing some shenanigans, you know, I want to make sure he's on the straight and narrow. Okay. So are you, are you going to hold both ends of the vine from like the left or the right side or just one of them henry has one end dennis has the other end okay okay this is what we'll do henry's got one end dennis has the other daryl who is in the sidecar next to henry like you know because he always stays close to henry he leans over henry's lap and then he is the one who's going to unpin the sidecar

so that it's all right i can do Hey guys, I can do something really stupid that then works in a coincidence. We don't have to do this plan. You could describe what that is and then maybe actually do it.

That would be great. No, Dennis. I said that I've done it before. You should, you would know whoever. Daryl's like, Henry, are you good?

Are we ready to go and then i unpin let's do a vine yasa flow and then i go to daryl i'm like that's the yes a yoga joke i don't think you'd get it but pull the pin i don't get it and i pull the pin okay all right so i'm gonna try to like i guess daryl jr and says i got that yoga joke there he's like he can't say much because your back is smooshed into his face, but you feel his hand reach up and like pat you on the shoulder

a couple of times. Do we have to roll or anything, Anthony? Okay, no, you don't have to roll. You've basically pulled it out and you pulled the thing out and the sidecar's

beginning to drift to the side. So who does need to roll is Dennis and Henry are holding on to their ends of the vine. So both of you roll strength or athletics.

Up to you. Athletics are probably fuck it why not i was gonna be like i feel like henry would just tie it to the cart but oh no it's even better that's great okay roll like dexterity or sleight of hand i fail uh-oh no but you can you can throw a 1d8 how bad did you turn to it okay hold on let me try that oh i got a fucking one are you serious oh no Oh, no. Okay. That's great. I mean, that sucks. That's the first time that the bardic inspiration I've given you has not helped you at all. I know.

I'm just going to get at least a five. What was your roll? My roll on my d20 was a five, and then my roll on my d8 was a one. Yikes. Well, Henry held on to his like a champ, so Henry still got the rope. Okay, so Henry tied his side on it. Well, Dennis was doing a real corpse pose over there. That is a good one, buddy.

That is a good one. It's not supposed to make you. Okay. Terry, again, pats you on the shoulder. The vine gets yanked out of Dennis's hand. And worse than that, it doesn't just fall to the ground. The vine falls into the wheel of the motorcycle and gets caught up in it and so immediately the motorcycle gets gummed up and the front wheel stops moving which means the back wheel

continues to move so like last crusade style well i was gonna last crusade or i was gonna say the dark knight the semi trailer like the back of it just goes like and like starts coming up over the top because the front says stop so suddenly and all of you begin to tumble forward out of your side cars so everybody give me a dexterity roll to try to avoid damage as you land yes so just to clarify what i'm doing is as i feel the car crashing i am hugging and wrapping myself around grant okay so you won't have to take any damage then whatever damage he takes i'll roll for all the kids and then but specifically grant whatever damage he might get will instead happen to you daryl so what am i rolling dexterity or constitution rolling dexterity saving throws shit wait i got do i do we never long rested at the end of the last episode because you guys bullied me just doing that because we were gonna

get attacked we were okay so i was gonna be like oh henry nailed it but henry's got fucking disadvantage on all of his roles still so henry did not nail it and henry's gonna die well remember poison wouldn't be fixed during long rest remember that's the other thing poison's not fixed during long rest fucking mom would be fixed in long rest i got a 7 16 plus 1 so 17 13 plus 3 16 i got an 8 oh no henry got a 7 oh. Henry, don't you have inspiration? Oh, you know, I did have an inspiration. Alright. I think I have inspiration too. Do I have to roll? Do I get

disadvantaged when I burn inspiration again? No. Hypothetically, you would use it beforehand so that it would be like, oh, it cancels out. So actually, just use a normal-ass roll. Ignore what just happened. Just give me a normal roll now and that'll count. Okay, I got a 17. 17. Okay, yes. Wait, can i use inspiration because i had that sick burn on dennis that everybody thought was so funny including

dennis uh no okay so everybody who rolled less than a 10 you're going to take 2d4 damage and all the kids saved except for Grant. So Daryl, you're going to take 4d4 of damage. Ooh. And the motorcycle comes to a horrible and sudden stop. All of you are thrown forward by the suddenness of the jolt and the four bounty hunters on their steeds of different size are still coming at you.

What would you do? I got 15 damage. 15 damage? That's almost the max you could possibly get. I got 4, 4, 3. Oh my God. This is why you wear helmets when you ride motorcycles, people. Yep.

I got six damage. Okay. Ow. Okay, so real quick, character strategizing. Will, it feels like the vines are going to be the way to stop these other vehicles in their tracks, right? Oh, because they're still strutting all over the bippity boppity place. Yeah. Are we in combat? You're going to get one more turn of reaction because you guys stopped short of where you were going to go with your speed. So you have one more turn to do something and then we'll be in combat.

What happened with the kids? So the kids all flew forward, but Lark and Sparrow, because they were holding so tight onto the cart, like you suggested, just sort of stayed with it as it went forward. And then they let go gently after it stopped moving. Terry was cushioned by Ron's girth being on top of him.

Let's rephrase that. Terry was cushioned. Terry just knows how to land. You knowed. Terry just knows how to land. You know what? Terry just knows how to land safely. It's fine. He can take care of himself. Yeah, he's the best soccer player.

He's quick on his feet. Nick got so fucking lucky because his legs were up and his hands were behind his head. And when the thing stopped, his fear kicked in and his legs went totally straight and they braced him against the cart

so that when it flipped over, he was just sort of standing and then he just sort of stepped out of the car. Let's be honest. You know how like when drunk people get hit by cars, they don't get hurt because they're all super flexible. It's like both Nick and Glenn are so high and so loose. Yeah. They just roll off this thing like a baby.

They just bounce back. That's definitely a fact. More people should know. Yeah. Don't drive drunk. But if you do get into an accident, make sure that you are drunk. Get drunk. If you're going to walk across the street, walk across

the street drunk. Oh my god. Alright. For legal reasons, that was a joke. Since Ron is the only one that failed, is it possible for me to go over and help him up really fast? So you go to help Ron up, but your grip slips. When you fell out of the motorcycle,

the holster for your dagger on your belt got like right angled. And as you try to pick Ron up, you stumble a little bit or Ron stumbles a little bit and he falls kind of onto the tip of the dagger. So Ron take an additional 1d4 plus two damage. Oh my God. What? He like fell onto his dagger? Yeah. All right. So I took four more damage. Oh man. Okay. Everybody who's not Dennis has one thing they can do before these guys get to you. What do the sidecars look like?

They're basically like big old rectangular wooden crates that are attached by an iron beam to the center of the motorcycle. So our four sidecars are still attached and the motorcycle separate. You are connected to the motorcycle, but only by the vine and Henry Tide, not by the pin that connects to the beam. I was more thinking about using the four sidecars as like a shield of sorts to not. Oh, it's like animals. Yeah, exactly. Because we got what we got, like a skinny elephant, wherever the fuck that that is we got a skinny elephant it's a republican on a diet am i right

a small pony a camel anyways we got a bunch of trampling animals yeah oh real quick just broadly how's nick's like throwing skill can i trust this kid to throw something fairly accurately uh he's got a plus two i'm gonna be like nick take this jug and chuck it at whatever comes at me i'm going to go like pretend like i'm stuck like my foot is stuck underneath one of the side cars i'm like oh no oh my foot's stuck oh i'm helpless here and then the idea is that nick is gonna try and throw the jug and splash acid all over whoever is coming to me. Okay, it will destroy the jug.

Why don't you just grab the jug and throw it at somebody? Why is Nick being coerced into doing this? I was going to say, you do realize you're asking your son to throw acid more or less at you. Like, you could do, like, oil or something. Why don't you just, like, do, like, grease on the ground

and then they'll all spin out or something like that. them on fire or something i don't want to backseat parent it's up to you well will this is why you don't backseat parent because you're not sitting there with my character sheet in front of me in the same way when you're out in the real world you don't have other people's character sheets in front of them and if you did you would know that acid comes in eight ounces and oil only comes in one quart which is not a lot of oil to cause any kind of crazy stuff. But eight ounces happens to be just enough to melt someone's face off. Oh, okay. A quart is more than eight ounces, isn't it?

I thought it was. Yeah, but if the goal is to melt someone's face or set an entire thing on fire. No, we're not letting this be freaking cut twice as bullshit. I don't know what Freddie's talking about. Okay, so Daryl flips over the four side cars and uh they're 32 ounces in a quart by the way it tries to like herd the kids underneath the side hold on pack okay you know what hold on back no no no no i don't want to back up hey game master a referee over here referee game master has daryl has gone finished his uh action

glenn has finished his action so shut up okay so a super big gulp yeah that's gonna be enough oil to get someone to spin out a super big gulp worth so what daryl does is he flips over the side cars and herds definitely grant but then any of the other kids who are nearby probably uh henry's kids tries to get them underneath the side cars and he like braces up against it and holds up his axe and gets ready for whatever these creatures are going to do you and nick are both going to have reactions when they get within your range of attack and grant and yeah and grant i don't care about nick i mean nick's actually attacking grant's not gonna do anything grant's just gonna hide do you want to do something i try to hurt nick and then i see dick holding a big thing of acid and i go and i'm like grant

get underneath the sidecar you consider grabbing nick but then you're like well i can't see glenn's character sheet so how can i possibly judge i mean what does grant do like i mean i could give him i give grant my other axe because i got my great axe and i have like my original starting axe i give him an axe but like I'm definitely telling the kids to get behind the sidecars. Okay. Well, when you put the ax in his hand, a look of recognition comes upon his face.

Yeah. Oh, he gets a thousand yard stare and he says, I know what to do. Oh God. And he, he steps forward, ax in hand to like stand alongside you.

Okay. I mean, I definitely notice it, but I'm assuming I'm playing this as if like they are inches away. So like, I mean, I raised my axe and I'm watching Grant. I'm like going to get him out of the way if I need to, but I'm not going to argue with him. Do we have tabs on Peyton, by the way? Is Peyton one of the children that you, that you rustled up? Peyton landed fine because he was still holding on to Dennis's torso. And he still is like a reverse Yoda from Empire Strikes Back.

Oh, so Payton was over with you. Yeah, Dennis has always been Payton's favorite. Oh, that hurts. Damn. Henry, seeing that the kids are safe underneath the sidecars, sees the horde coming and he turns to Dennis and he says, Dennis, and he slaps Dennis on the shoulder

and says, be one with the shadows, my friend. Move like the night, Strike like a dagger. Blinding and flying through the darkness. And I cast pass without trace on Dennis. So Dennis has a plus 10 bonus to dexterity checks and can't be tracked except by magical means.

Holy shit. That dexterity would have been useful when you gave him the vine. Yeah. That's okay. You know I better light than ever. How long have you had that spell? That's amazing. That's a good spell., I better light than ever. How long have you had that spell? That's amazing. That's a good spell, yeah. That's a really good spell. It's good, you know.

Barians get angry and they get some extra damage. That's what I get. I'm basically invisible now? Plus then a dexterity check. So I guess that must, yeah, that's like you can use that on...

Yeah, stealth counts as a dexterity check, I believe. I think it is. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Agniti will tell me afterwards. It's called pass without trace. Yeah, it says

parenthesis stealth check. So yes. Okay, cool. So yeah yeah, yeah. Agniti will tell me afterwards. It's called Pass Without Trace. Yeah, it says, parenthesis, stealth check, so yes. Okay, cool. So, yeah, you've done that. So now just Ron remains, right? Yeah, Ron sees that happen and sinks to his knees behind one of the sidecars. He turns around, so he's not looking even at where the conflict's coming, and he, like, whispers, Mr. Mustache. I get what it is.

What should I do? I was thinking like if I shaved you off, you could maybe tell me what's going on up there, but I could still hide down here. Maybe I could just point this little dagger that's still on my stomach up like a mirror and you could tell me what to do. Mr. Mustache, I'm really confused. There's a lot of things that have changed recently and I just just need some uh some guidance i think why would you shave me off that would kill me i would die that would be it would look good though right

don't do that i think i would look good i mean we all saw what you look like before you had the mustache but you you had a normal mustache and now you have a second mustache so your sexiness is double to me it would be a step back okay that's fair that's fair so definitely keep me on the face okay now in terms of what you should do strategically here, well, you have many options. You could run, you could fight, you could sneak on him, but it seems like your buddy Dennis is probably doing a much better job than that. We'll see about that.

Okay. Okay. Can I just try to do whatever Dennis is doing? But without that bonus? Yeah, absolutely. Okay, yeah, I'm just gonna try bonus. Just follow Dennis. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to try to sneakily follow Dennis.

Great. Dennis, go ahead and give me your stealth roll. 19. What do you do? Describe what you're doing to sneak up on these. So basically all of the carts are overturned, right? Uh-huh. Are there any adjacent to me?

You were in the center on the motorcycle. So like the rightmost cart on the left set of carts and the leftmost cart on the right set of carts are right next to you. So is it... What a sentence. And yet I follow. I know. I'm not good at imagery or visual. I think if I could roll stealthily underneath

one of these things and then as the creatures are passing, can I use my flail and like try to sweep the legs? Okay, so Ron, give me a stealth check as you attempt to do the exact same thing. Okay. So I got 13 plus eight. Wow.

But I think with, I'm instead of using a flail, whatever the frick that is, I'm going to take the dagger out of my stomach and try to stab somebody while I'm rolling. Perfect. Also, could I instruct Peyton to also do the same thing? To like put out a weapon and try to stab somebody while I'm rolling. Perfect. Also, could I instruct Peyton to also do the same thing? To like put out a weapon and try to sweep the legs?

Peyton's like, oh, that's my move, baby. You don't have to worry about that. And he looks over at Glenn's tendons and sees that the wound is still fresh. And he goes like, I've been training for this my whole life. Like punch zoom on the tendons. Yeah. Walt's the immoral. Actually, I got to roll to see if he landed correctly or not.

I didn't do that for him. So Walter came out. He fell onto his face. But then he begins to- Isn't a bullywug like a frog? What? Aren't they like frogs? He's a bullywug, so he's frog-like.

Yeah, they have faces still. They have faces and they're allowed to be clumsy, piece of shit. Yeah. So he falls onto his face and he pushes himself up and mud's dripping off of his face. And he sees these five people coming at him and he goes, I ain't come this far to lose my son now. And he pulls out his sword

and he just fucking charges at him with the sword held high. Oh, yeah. I think I have a crush on Walter now. Oh my God. Yeah, he looks exactly like the frog. Oh no, my heart. Okay, so he's going to attack

and he misses horribly. I'm getting flashbacks to the sun in Gladiator when he's like, Mama, it's the daddy. Lit up in the greatest horse kill of all time. That moment is horrible. It's legitimately

funny, right? We used to watch that in slow motion it was so funny go watch it again it's a funny violence in that movie i was young enough when i saw that like when the girl gets cut in half by the like blades on the chair i was like do i not like movies do i not want to watch movies anymore okay so the guy that he swung at the one who's on the mastiff swings back at him and connects and he does 12 damage to walter just boom in the face and walter falls down god damn len would go next because you're up there pretending your shit is stuck and you wanted nick to throw right correct and i'm gonna do a little bardic inspiration for nick by the way okay see everyone yelling at my bardic inspiration for Nick, by the way.

See everyone yelling at my bardic inspiration. You happy now? Is there a limit on how often you can do bardic inspiration? This will be the last one prior to a rest that I will be able to do. Okay. So which one would you like to target? The one on the massive, the small pony, the... Oh, just whatever's the easiest one.

All right. Fair enough. I mean, ponies are already small you know yeah it's like if it's a small pony it can't be that cool how big are these birds so the birds are human size basically they are so there's a human size bird on like a teeny tiny pony that yeah okay it's trying its best it's really it's really good it's doing everything it can well it's still like it's like really strong though know, you look at a group of friends and you're like, one of these people gets made fun of by the other friends

and that's their bonding thing. You can tell it's that one. This is the bird. If they were playing N64, this bird would have the mad cats. You look at a group of friends and you say, that one's a big human sized bird on a tiny pony. Let's try to make that a thing, Dungeons and Dragons fans.

So yeah, he's going to throw it at the guy on the tiny horse and he goes back with his arm and Daryl so yeah he's gonna throw it at the guy on the tiny horse and he goes back with his arm and daryl can see he's in horrible form for like throwing a football or whatever and he just kind of chucks it and it smashes into the face of kenku and acid spreads all over his face unfortunately you've lost that item now because it shatters oh good death he falls off of his tiny pony grabbing in his face It's going as feathers begin to fly everywhere. Oh, man. Feathers take this from an R rating to a PG 13.

And then one of the guys that's on the camel is now within range of you, Glenn, who are pretending to be trapped, but you're not. And this is where I go. Just kidding, motherfucker. And I pull out my gun. Oh, my God. I thought you were going to say something cute like, let's bust this hump. And I'm going to fucking shoot my human firearm at this bird. Okay.

You keep shooting at birds. What are you shooting at Henry's dad? He just hates birds. He hates birds. Alright, give me a roll. Alright. I don't remember what Chekhov's gun does other than shoot bullets. Shoot birds. You can use it to hurt people or you can shoot it into

the air and the smoke will show you something that is like relevant to the situation. Yeah, you can do important stuff or you can kill birds. Yeah, or you can shoot birds. It has advantage on shooting birds, apparently. Freddie, are you using iron sights? You got a reflex on there? Hollow?

What's it got? What kind of camo do you have? Glenn is totally one of those guys that you go over to his house and you're like looking for a popsicle or some ice cream and he's got like three live ducks in the freezer that he's like pumped himself. And he's like, yeah, we're going out next weekend too 11 plus 6 17 that is enough so the kenku the last thing it sees is you raising a gun the last thing you see of it is it's utter surprise and confusion of what the fuck you're holding because it's never seen anything like that before and then bang it hits him right through the

chest and he is launched off the back of his horse and just falls over and stops moving so that's that's two of them taken care of this is horrific i give a thumbs up to nick because it's the close boys that made that happen nick gives you a thumbs up there's still some acid spilled from the jar onto his hand so it's like burning through his thumb so he's like shaking a little bit trying to keep it yeah like fight club he's trying to keep his smile going and keep cool about it not acknowledge it as it drips down his thumb but he's like yeah we did it dad we did it so daryl it is your turn i'm inspired by nick's great throw and i try to flash back to my days of uh you know what i'll just canonically uh daryl tried to play baseball he wanted to be a pitcher but he was terrible at pitching so right before he throws he remembers the day that he

threw all balls and lost. So I'm going to give myself disadvantage on this throw. Okay. I'll tell you right away, disadvantage or not, it did not matter because my first roll was a three and my second was a ten. Either way. So three

plus what dexterity for throwing? It whiffs completely just through the air, through the, through the window between the bodies of two of the other Kenku. And then Grant sees you completely managed to whiff. And he goes, no,

like this. And he winds up with his ax way before he does it. I look at him. I go, just sweaty hands slipped, slipped right out. There's good aim, but I just slipped.

He goes, uh-huh. And he looses the axe and it sails like horde like you did a vertical you know baseball thing he just doesn't like he's doing the hammer toss in the olympics and it sails through the air spinning horizontally and just fucking let me roll damage oh my god it just fucking decapitates the kku on the master. Oh my God. Oh my God. And blood shoots out of the stump on this Kenku's body. And you can see Grant is smiling. Oh my gosh.

Thumbs still up. I'm like, man, Nick, it's weird how we basically did that. And that was like fine, but it's like different now. Weird. Weird. It is weird. It is weird. It's weird.

It's weird though. I don't don't know it's weird i'm very upset daryl definitely notices it i think he's still pretty embarrassed about missing his uh and he's also happy that one of the five creatures are dead that's trying to kill them but yes he notices that grant seems a little bit too how many bounty hunters are still up so uh one got thrown off by acid one got killed by glenn and just got killed by Grant so there are two left the one on the and they went we we we all the way home all the way home I feel like if we groan every time a

kid kills something in this podcast we're gonna be groaning a lot it feels like we have a lot of a lot of combat and we got a lot I feel like if we celebrate every time that a kid kills something in this podcast we won't have a podcast anymore look Matt i don't know how to tell you but when nick does it it's cool but when it doesn't it's sad and upsetting

i don't it's not it's just different so yeah it's henry starting henry is gonna cast guardian of nature and turn into a big burly tree guy whoa and i'm gonna'm going to just stand my ground. Have you cast this before? Huh? Yeah, I did this in the fight with the dads. Yeah. Remember Aaron said it was problematic? Oh, yes. So I learned nothing from Aaron calling me out on cultural tree appropriation.

And my skin appears barky, leaves sprout from my hair, and I gain the following benefits. I get 10 hit points. I get constitution saving throws with advantage. And I get dexterity and wisdom based attack rolls with advantage. The ground within 15 feet of me is difficult terrain for my enemies. Cool. Your root system like upturns the sidewalk and the

city has to spend $100,000 to fix it. Yes, it's a real problem. If they're on bikes though, their approach would be so much cooler. Like they're like, hell yeah. Got some tree roots and bumps to write. You guys didn't do that? No. Instead, they are in an elephant and a camel.

Yes. Were you standing in front of the carts or behind the carts, Henry? I'm probably right behind wherever Grant and Daryl were. Okay. Then you're behind the carts. Okay. So then, yes. Both Ron and Dennis.

And Peyton. And Peyton, of course. The three favorite characters on the podcast. and Dennis. And Payton. And Payton, of course. The three favorite characters on the podcast. You have a guy on a camel

and a guy on a skinny elephant heading towards you. And they walk into a bar. Nice one, Ron. I'm going to go for the skinny elephant and try to sweep the legs. You're going to try to

slice at its legs? Yeah. Give me an attack roll. Ooh, natty 20, baby. Yes. Okay, shit. So you're going to roll. okay so you're gonna roll wait wait actually you gotta give us that dennis catchphrase every time he gets to natty 20 it wouldn't be the same without that signature dennis catchphrase let's hear it whenever dennis gets a natural 20 he goes i'm just happy to be here okay so as as is always the case when dennis rolls a natural 20 on combat I'm just happy to be here.

Okay, so as is always the case when Dennis rolls a natural 20 on combat, you're going to roll whatever your damage die is twice and then you're going to add the damage modifier and then, as you know, because you're a rogue and you're very good at playing a rogue, you're also going to roll an extra d6 of sneak attack damage. Oh my gatos.

Okay, I think I'm going to eviscerate this person. Oh, my God. Okay, so I rolled 16 plus 6. I'm bad at math. I rolled that many. 22. Wait, you rolled an 8 and then an 8 and then a 6.

Yeah. All right, yeah. So, literally, that Dennis touch, baby. That's that fucking Dennis energy. I love it. Just happy to be here. baby. That's that fucking Dennis energy. I love it. Just happy to be here.

You roll out and you fucking slice that elephant's tendon, and even though it's a skinny elephant, all of its mass is suddenly concentrated on that one newly bad leg, and it collapses into the ground, and its head hits the ground at the wrong angle, and its neck just snaps

and it dies instantly, which also throws the kenku off of it i'm gonna roll damage for the kink as well dennis sheds a single tear for the elephant he wished he didn't have to kill the kenku's head hits the ground and also snaps like seconds later so now ron you have the last remaining guy who's on the camel coming at you so again exactly like dennis just did why don't you go ahead and roll an attack what ron is gonna do is try to like grab around the camel's leg while like throwing the knife at it like throws the knife then dives for the legs if that makes sense sense. Okay. You want to throw your knife

at the camel and then dive at the camel's legs. If possible, yes. I would love that. All right. So give me a ranged attack with advantage

to throw the knife. Shit. That is... Oh, no. So that's going to be a seven. Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, luckily, oh no so that's going to be a seven well luckily that uh no there's nothing i'm joking and then you're gonna dive at his legs so give me an acrobatics check i guess okay disadvantage is ron trying to tackle a camel. Is that what I'm hearing? Yeah, obviously.

It's kind of like diving in front of a train. I think he can do it. Dennis believes in you, buddy. Dennis, I can do this without you. You say that. And Terry looks over at Dennis.

He's like, he can do it. Camel top speed, 40 miles an hour. Um, I, 11, 11.

Yeah. Uh, okay. My homes, 11 11? yeah my humps my lovely camel humps check it out okay so what happens is you dive I drive these camels crazy I do it on the daily they're asking for my water

I said oh don't you bother. Thanks, Dennis. You got it, man. So you dive forward into the camel's legs, and you manage to successfully grab onto one of them, although grab on is maybe not the right, basically one of the hoofs just hits you directly in the chest,

and your body is in such pain that you're just like, and all your limbs go inward or contort, and you continue to hang on to the hoof so take a d8 of damage how much health you have left i only have 13 left oh and then this isn't gonna kill you it's like seven damage oh my god but the camel is gonna be more susceptible to fall over if anything hits it because it is now like imbalanced because it has a run on one of its legs. Nice. All right. So now it is Henry's turn.

Henry having transformed into a big ass tree man. This distempered camel is coming at you. Wait, Anthony. Yeah. Did Peyton get a go? Oh, that's true. Oh, you're right. You're right.

OK, so let me give Peyton a a go. Oh, that's true. Oh, you're right. You're right. Okay. So let me give Payton a quick roll. It's so nice that we have Dennis here to remind us about Payton because like, I mean, if you weren't here, we would totally just forget about Payton. I know. You can't. You can't forget about Payton. For like an entire episode. He's MVP.

Most valuable Payton. Most valuable Payton. Payton completely whiffs the air and he goes, nailed it. Like not ironically, like he thinks he did it. Dennis claps him on the back and says, good job, buddy. He goes, thank you, Dennis. Your praise means the most to me. Yeah, Henry, what do you do?

Fucking Walter the Immoral ate like major shit, right? Yes. Henry is going to cast Healing Word at Walter. Wait, do you deal with that after? How about Ron? Yeah, I'm kind of in a big hump here. That's right. Shit, there's a lot going on.

Okay. Why don't you give it to Dennis, huh? He's only just a little bit wounded or something. But yeah, just give it to Dennis. Okay, I'm going to cast Healing Spirit, I'd just give it to Dennis. Okay. I'm going to cast Healing Spirit, which I don't think I've cast before. So I call forth a

nature spirit to soothe the wounded. So basically, this is a little healing buddy now that can appear in a space that is a five-foot cube that I can see within range, and it looks like a transparent beast or fae, parentheses, my choice. I'm want to say it looks like a little piglet. A little teacup pig with wings.

And I'm going to be like, I'll heal all of you when pigs fly. How does the pig heal? Does it give you little kisses with its snout? A little nuzzle. Exactly, yes. Does it do the babe like la la la? I love this pig.

Bah ram you. Bah ram you. You have to milk the pig and then that pig milk God Freddy ruined it Now I hate D&D Yeah now you hate it Catch a pig above its tail Okay so

I'm talking about it You have to become a spider and spin a web that says some pig and then you're healed Alright so Ron this little magical flying piglet appears and as the camel takes you uh

through the piglet sort of like no fly zone uh the piglet rushes up and nuzzles you and gives you a little piglet nuzzle and you feel uh 2d6 worth of hp better okay i got eight it's pretty good what if the pig just like killed the camel you know wouldn't the camel be freaked out by a ghost pig appearing right and flying right at it look if anthony is feeling charitable and it's a pretty adorable pig so i don't know that if i grab the pig and throw it toward the camel this the pig is intangible unfortunately it's a nature spirit it's not an actual flying so it should only be able to hurt other nature, like a camel.

The camel's probably like, oh, it's a healing spirit spell. I see this shit all the time. I live in Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah, even if it wasn't intangible and you grabbed the healing pig and threw it at the camel, it would just kiss the camel and heal the camel. Oh, that's cute. So no, that doesn't happen. Some guys have all the luck.

I like that. And would that be so bad? So everybody does their fucking turn, right? And then the one goddamn remaining Kenku on the camel is going to try to turn around. So he's going to roll to see if he can make

his camel turn around on a dime to re-attack. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Anthony, this is very important. So it's a bird named a Kenku. Would you say that that's a Kenku chicken? Holy shit.

All right, you get inspiration. That's for you. That's for you. That's one for all you LA folks out there. Yeah, Will has a real kanku for puns. Oh, fuck, Will. Like a sex kink, but like kanku. This is not my episode, guys.

This is not my episode. Okay, so kanku chicken tries to turn the camel really quickly, but because of its disadvantage, because of the ron attached to its wheels, you basically act like a banana from Mario Kart, and you cause the camel to essentially spin out, and it sort of runs into the wall and is basically just

drops three gold coins. Yeah, drops three gold coins. The Kenku falls off of it, and he is right in front of you, Ron. Let's see. I just want to hit him. I just want to hit him with all the rage that I wish that I could hit the memory of Dennis and whether or not he exists or not. Yeah.

Weird thing to say, but sure. Under my breath, I'm just going to be like, wasn't even here last time I checked. And now he's better at everything. Rogue. I bet he just wants to be a new stepfather now. And he's going to have Terry Jr. pretty soon. Hey, buddy, are you okay? You're kind of just looking at that guy and mumbling to yourself.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to hit him. Give me a roll. Does the Kangoo hear that? Like, does he hear Roz say, I'm going to hit him? Yeah, the Kangoo's like, wait, no, don't, stop. Yeah, that's going to be a 13. Just not great rolls for me today it's not great but that's enough he has he fell off he has a pretty low ac right now thanks for saying that you hit him

and i feel like since he just fell off and he's a little bit dazed if you want to you can do the thing you were it seems like you were pointing toward of just like straddling him and just angrily talking about your feelings while you just beat the tar out of him. Um, I think, yeah, I'm like straddling him and talking about my feelings, but I'm staring at Dennis while beating the shit out of him. Oh my God.

That's such threatening energy. I like it very much. You knock the Kenku out and you are now officially out of combat. So to reiterate, with the exception of the elephant that snapped his neck all the steeds are still there and they're just kind of like like they're just like looking around riderless hey guys new steeds so yeah if you want to try an animal handling check to just get a steed for yourself that's something you can do yes yes yes yes i feel like i would check on the okay so this is

the hard part because matt the gamer wants the mastiff so badly for Daryl but Daryl would definitely not be like hey time to get a dog he'd be like he's running over to Ron right now and checking to see if this bird creature is alive and talking are the animals also bounty hunters are they spies too I don't think so Ron I think there's just there's just animals like I don't think you blame the horse for what the rider does. That would be pretty cruel. That's kind of weird, though, if you think about it, because the ones that win the Kentucky

Derby, they name the horses and not the riders. Hmm. I'm pretty sure the riders of the horses have names, Glenn. Yeah, also the horses don't get the money, Glenn. It's not like they give the horse the money. A lot to think about, guys. A lot to think about. That's the funniest thing Glenn. It's not like they give the horse the money. A lot to think about, guys. A lot to think about. That's the funniest thing

Glenn has ever said. Ron may have a point. I'm just going to have a look-see. I'm going to do a perception check on these animals. To do what? To see if they're sketchy. No, roll insight

to see if animals are sketchy. Can I try to do like a stealth insight check on Dennis? Yeah, go ahead. Okay. I do a 17 on insight. They're just animals. They have no nefarious purposes.

I think it's okay, buddy. I don't think they're spies. Hold on, I'm waiting for my role about you to come in. I didn't say that. I got a 21. So as has been your suspicion this entire time, Dennis is the coolest guy. I'm joking.

I'm joking. I'm joking. Damn it. I knew it. As has been your suspicion the entire time, Dennis, as far as you can tell, was not actually a part of this party.

You just sort of turned after Walter, the immoral showed up and he was just in the group with you guys and everyone was suddenly acting like he had been there the entire time. Something is wrong about him. As Ron is realizing this, Dennis is petting the Mastiff and he looks great.

He is, you know, he's just both. It looks like a catalog for yoga, if that exists. Dad huddle. All right. Hey, Dennis, get on in here. Dennis trots up. Yeah, Dennis trots up. It's going on. for yoga, if that exists. Dad huddle. All right. Hey, Dennis, get on in here. Dennis trots up. Yeah, Dennis trots up.

It's going on. Walter says, like, can we do this dad huddle at speed? No, no. Can we go? It's just a dad huddle for... Oh, Walter, do you want to be involved here? No, I don't want to be involved. I just want us to go.

And I sort of bring him... Yes, okay. Dennis, you and Walter have a dad huddle over there. Oh, no, we're here. We're here already. We're here for a dad huddle over there oh no we're here we're here already and then I try to grab Henry Daryl and Glenn and just sort of like ship them over okay yeah we can we can do it over here Dennis we're all having the dad huddle

over here I guess I say hey kids can you tie up that chicken over there just make sure he doesn't wake up and attack us they were doing it before you asked yeah and then Walter's gonna go around and he's gonna do animal handling checks to try to like calm the fucking flying pig. So is Dennis part of

the dad huddle or not? I'm waving Dennis over. Yeah, let's see. Dad huddle. Good idea. Good call, Ron. Dad huddle. Yeah. Okay. Thank you all for being here. Sure. Some more than others. So Okay. What's that about, Ron?

I'll tell you what that's about because we are being stalked by our fathers. You know what? I think I know what's going on here. I think you know what's going on, too. I think there's been a lot of tension between us. There has been. You know, I said some unkind things about your pants a few adventures ago. I know we all talked about this.

No, you didn't. We had an extra dad huddle. You guys remember? You never said anything about me because we all talked about this. No, you didn't. We had a sex with dad huddle. You guys remember? You never said anything about me because you weren't even here. But Ron. Ron, look, I know you're upset. And I know we haven't really cleared the air about it.

I just, you talked about it a lot. I thought it was kind of disquieting. I talked to the other dads about it. No, you were disquieting. You were so quiet. You weren't even like a voice. Your voice was not here. Your entire body was not here.

Could you maybe try to talk to him for me? I know I haven't been the best with him in the past. I want to talk to him for me? I know I haven't been the best with him in the past. I want to try to build the bridge. Yeah, he hasn't been the best with me in the past. He hasn't been the best with any of you. Guys, wake up. Dennis is not real. He just got here. What? Now, Ron, we've all had beef with the other dads

at various points, you know. I kind of lost my cool with Daryl once or twice and with Glenn. And, you know, a lot of times after that happened, I wanted to pretend like it hadn't happened either you know I remember like I didn't want to talk to Glenn but it's like you know it's important to look the other dads deep in the eyes and hear

them when they're communicating with you so you know look at what we just did the five of us we just defeated these creatures like we all did something super cool like you know me with my axe was cool and we all did something really cool I mean yeah I guess you know that'd be less of us did the same thing would be more impressive but like my point is as a team we did a good job okay dennis if you've been here the whole time then let me see your phone my phone uh yeah sure and i hand it over yes we haven't checked in with

miranda in a while i'm sure she's worried about you and ulysses should we call miranda uh no no i i yeah i'll call miranda uh that's even her name dennis of course it's miranda she's in the pta with dennis like dennis roll arcana oh boy okay uh i got a natural 20 but my arcana is minus one. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Okay, yeah, it's a phone he hands you. He hands you a phone that is a phone. Oh my God.

If you scroll through it, one of the contacts is definitely Miranda. Go ahead and call her. What are the other contacts? They are Justin, Chadwick, Keanu Reeves uh b sanders uh yeah every cool person i would like to call beth may okay oh my god i dial it up uh he's a cool person uh yeah how dare you how dare you yeah he should have said coolest person okay okay so you hear this this is this is so many levels down okay so you hear the phone click as somebody picks it up and you hear a voice go hello it's me you don't sound like yourself. You sound awful. No, this is what I always sound like.

How are you, Ronald? Okay, Beth, have you ever encountered a situation where you knew that somebody was not supposed to be with you, but they were with you anyway? Like, think about all of your ex-boyfriends, and you think, like, you walk into a situation, and you think, this person should not be here. It doesn't fit with the group, but they're there anyway.

What did you do to get them away? Uh, I watched, uh, Firefly and Doorhouse. Beth, you, but, no, you watch other things. I'm sure you do. You've been watching Alias for nonstop. Right, right. Alias, I also love. That's Jennifer Garner

v-v-v-v-boom. Um, okay. Um, let's see. What is going on? Beth, so, how do you know Dennis? Beth? We went to college together.

Hey, Ron, are you, are you good? Yeah, can we, we need to do this. You got Ron, are you good? You got what you want from Beth? We got a lot to do. We still haven't found the seven crystals that'll lead us to Ulysses. We still have all the other stuff with the dads to do. Let's wrap this up. Yeah, thanks, Henry. So I want to check

and see if Dennis is an arm of the granddaddies, like the evil dad magic. And so I want to see if I can use my thaumaturgy to make like Willie's voice come out of the phone and see if Dennis like responds as if you worked for him or something. Absolutely. So what you'll do is you use your thaumaturgy and then you can get insight with advantage on it. Okay. What do you want Willie to be saying coming out of the phone? Yeah, I'm thinking, um, Willie's voice says,

What do you want Willie to be saying coming out of the phone? Yeah, I'm thinking. Willie's voice says, Dennis, the jig is up. Okay, so now roll insight with advantage. Yay, okay, I got 20 total. Okay, great. So with the 20, you can see that Dennis does not react at all. Dennis doesn't even seem to really recognize the voice. So this conversation is suddenly broken up

as Walter comes in holding the reins of four different animals a mini pony a camel a massif and a horse and so it's like guys we gotta go whatever you we gotta talk about we could talk about on the road we gotta get going though okay Walter's right man we gotta find my son Ron okay can you just think of Ulysses whatever is between us can you just put it aside and think of Ulysses we have to go get get him. Yeah. Yeah. Let me just say goodbye to Beth. Hey, Beth. I don't know. Are you feeling okay? Maybe just like, you know, just stay cool. You're so cool. Have a good time. I'm feeling great. I'm feeling confident. Good all the time. People love me on the podcast. And yeah, bye.

Call your mom. I'll give her a rickety-ding-ding. Can I have that back? And Dennis holds out his hand for his phone. Yeah, sure. It was good talking to them. Dennis, who are you? I know, buddy.

Please tell me. Please tell me that you weren't here before. Hey, Ron, buddy, we got to go. We got to go, Ron. Well, we. Please tell me that you weren't here before. Hey, Ron, buddy. We got to go. We got to go, Ron. Well, we'll talk about it on the road. So I sort of guide Ron towards the mounts, and I sort of motion to the boys to like, we got to get out of here. Okay, so I hand Dennis the phone, but I also hang on to the phone, and so we're now holding

hands, essentially. Yeah, you two. This is good. Physical interaction can establish trust. Why don't you two ride on the camel together? That's a great idea, Henry. Ron, would you like to ride on the camel with me? Yeah.

I'll take the front hump and you take the back hump. I like to hug from behind, you know, as established. Like Terry Jr.'s like in the middle, like at the bottom of the hump. In the divot. So he's just looking directly at his stepdad's ass. No, no, no. Terry Junior's height plus Ron's height is actually made so their heads are equal. So who chooses what now?

I want to say, I think, remember, if you remember way back in the first episode, I think we mentioned to the Lance that Grant lost our dog. The Mastiff looks like a huge version of the dog that Grant lost. dog. The Mastiff looks like a huge version of the dog that Grant lost. Oh, shit. Does Grant even register that? Yes, I think Grant would probably register that. Daryl just grabs Grant.

He's like, this guy looks just like Chief. And he leaps onto the Mastiff. Okay. And helps Grant up. Yeah, Grant leaps on with you. Hey, so what are the other two? There's a tiny pony and a normal horse. Me and Nick, I guess,

are going to take the miniature pony. Perfect. Your heels are dragging along the ground. Henry's secret dad fact is that he fucking hates horses. He does not trust them. He does not like them. And he didn't realize that Daryl was just going to take the big, shaggy, friendly-looking dog. And he's like, that Daryl was just going to take the big, shaggy, friendly looking dog. And he's like, huh?

All right. I guess me and the boys will take the horse. We can do that. Boys, just be very careful around it. Okay. Don't spook it. Just go at it from the front. Just be very calm around this animal.

The horse has a dumb smile on its face and Larkin Sparrow go. And they like a wall jump off of each other onto the horse. And then as you approach it, Henry, the horse looks you dead in the eye and goes what's the problem? You scared? Don't be scared. Henry's thrown by the horse talking to him and he goes I'm fine I'm fine hello

horse my name is Henry Oak I did not realize horses could talk here I've had bad experiences with horses in the past and I'm not gonna let that cloud my judgment about you because you know i don't want to be prejudiced against all horses uh so i'm gonna judge a horse by its cover that sure uh and i'm gonna go ahead and get on top of you now if that's okay with you please dean hey buddy can you talk i i ruffle the the dog's ears like can you talk boy and the dog looks he goes yeah you could talk yeah you could talk that represents more good boy ron leans over so i'd love to find out if this camel talks but more importantly let's you and i talk dennis how about a friendly game of never have i ever you know, it would be really nice

to talk to the whole group once we get going. I think maybe what you're sensing from there's some tension. I have something I want to get off my chest, but I really want to talk to all the dads about it.

Oh, okay. Hey, Peyton, it looks like that camel's full up. Maybe you want to hop on here with a granddad. Yeah, all right. All right, why not? And then he jumps on the tail

and just holds on to the tail and he's just dangling from it as the mastiff starts to come on. He's like water skiing. He's like water skiing. Yeah, all right. All right, why not? And then he jumps on the tail and just holds on to the tail. And he's just dangling from it as the mastiff starts to swim. He's like water skiing. He's like water skiing. Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Adorable. So a couple hours later, you guys are on the road.

Walter basically says, okay, so my thought is this. I think you're being tracked probably by those bad guys you're trying to fight. But they're looking for you as a group with your kids. And you guys kind of stand out wherever you tend to go so i was thinking i could take your kids separately while you go and do other stuff and then they would be safe with me and i could drive around with them and then keep them out of the bad guy's sight is that is that cool with you does that make sense no no it seems pretty dangerous and i think it's probably going to be safer for all the kids to be with you walter but didn't aaron say something about our anchors being tied to us?

Like us, like the whole family? Aaron O'Neill's leaf vibrates and she goes, yeah. Aaron, hey, I got a question. I got a magic question for you. Yeah. Does our kidney be with us when we go to the anchor or can we keep them all like in safety? So the way that it works is because the anchor is specifically tuned to the dad energy between you and your son, it's basically negative dad energy that's powering this anchor right it's the relationship that you have with your omega daddy it needs a influx of

positive dad energy from you and your son to basically destroy it so the two of you need to work together to destroy the anchor and you can't do it on your own well we got plenty of that don't be grant and i put my fist out for grant grant uh is uh he just like puts his hand on your fist and like covers the whole thing and it's still bloody. Oh, hey. Yeah, I don't know the kids' handshakes, but cool buddy. Like trying to shake his hand still. We haven't even found Ulysses yet. So maybe it's worth letting Walter have the kids while we go do that because that might be kind of dangerous.

When Dennis says that, you hear Aaron go, Is Dennis still with you? Aaron, you know about Dennis? Yes, Aaron, I'm here. I hate Dennis. I don't understand why you hate me so much. I happen to respect you very much. Hey, Aaron, Aaron, it's me, Ron.

I hate Dennis, too. Ron, that's not a healthy way to talk. He's really nice. You can hear him. I don't know how to put this, but you don't really see Dennis that often. He hasn't been around here before. I'm not trying to pick him up at a bar. He just doesn't exist.

Aaron immediately starts whispering, Ron, I'm trying to play hard to get with Dennis. I fucking love Dennis. You're in love with Dennis? Terry, Terry Jr. He's so hot and nice and a firefighter. No, I know, I know. You ruined it, you ruined it. And the leaf hangs up. Terry Jr. He's so hot and nice and a firefighter. No, I know, I know. You ruined it, you ruined it.

And the leaf hangs up. Terry Jr. Yeah, what's up? Can we hop off this camel just a second and talk maybe, you and I? I need you to trust me on something. That guy, Dennis, that really hot guy, that firefighter yoga bod guy, he just showed up. I swear this isn't sort of like a mustache thing, although I should probably introduce you to my fake talking mustache. Oh, sure.

Did you hear that? Terry goes, ah, yep, sure did. Mr. Mustache loves you, Terry. Mr. Mustache, say hi to Terry. Hello, Terry. Okay, okay, so maybe we could all convince all the other dads that Dennis hasn't been here, or maybe does Dennis even believe that he's been here? So Terry looks at you and you can see on his face, he's really trying to piece out what your play is because you've come to sort of notice and realize whenever somebody talks to you, there is a brief period

where they're trying to sort of like calibrate to what wavelength you're on and make the internal decision as to whether or not they're going to listen and or try to like piece together what you're trying to do. And this is the first time you've seen somebody do that and realize that everything that you're saying is true and genuine and not a weird thing and not a joke, not you trying to be self-deprecating and trying to understand something about yourself like he actually understands you and his eyes sort of clear and he goes like oh and he suddenly gets scared because he's sitting directly in front of this person it goes uh yeah yeah whatever you need sure yeah you okay yeah we could do this

together uh hi guys uh maybe we could do a wide animal dad huddle. But doodlers, I want to bring something to your attention. Okay, Ron, what's up? Dennis, the yoga dad bod, has only been here for like an hour. Okay, this is sort of what I'm talking about. And I sort of want to, I've been scared to bring this up to you guys. Something's been off since we met the Omega Dads. Yeah, you know, I've kind of

felt like something's weird, too. Like, there's just this gnawing feeling in the back of my head. I feel the same, and I think it really has to do with, it just doesn't sit right with me, what happened to Scam Likely. There's just something about that that just, it's just sticking with me, and what about we led him

to his death i mean i mean dennis i you know i i'm not one to disagree with you because you're pretty freaking awesome yeah hold on one second dennis i mean i guess you know what no what you're right i mean what i'm a dangerous situation but he knew what he was doing he was getting into what do you mean he knew what he was getting into i gotta died doing what he loved. What do you mean he knew what he was getting into? I got to side with the guys here. I feel like, you know, he offered us a free scam and we took him up on it. And we're not the ones who killed him. Our dads killed him.

And we're going to try to go right there wrong. So, you know, what are you getting at? You don't feel any remorse? We're the reason he's dead. No, I mean, look, I feel, yes, I feel horrible that scam likely died. That was a horrible, there's been a lot of tough things that's happened on this journey. And I, you know, we had our differences with him. You know, he tried to screw us over many times.

Well, he's just a goof. But like, yeah, it's horrible that he died. That's just the type of person he was, you know. He was out for a goof. And he was trying to help us. And we got him killed. What is your real name? I mean, he like impersonated me once.

And that's like not cool, you know. I mean, you don't like anyone else's style. I mean, look, there are times that I felt, I mean, we dropped a whole pyramid on a group of people. I felt really bad about that. I still do. I don't want to think about it. I'm compartmentalizing it. But I got to say, with regards to scam likely, I know I don't feel like I'm sad.

You died trying to help us. But he also dicked us over like a lot. He gave me his mustache. Would he do that if he didn't love us? Dennis, I guess I mean, I totally hear you, dude. Like, totally good to express your feelings. Like, clearly, we feel bad about it. Do you clearly feel bad about it?

What do you want to do with this, though? You don't seem to care at all. You don't seem to care at all! So as you hear that Who Framed Roger Rabbit-esque horrible noise come out of Dennis. The visage of Dennis morphs into that of a borderline, like, non-Euclidean creature that looks like the love child of the library and Benedict Cabbage Patch. It's basically got legs and arms that change number every time you try to count them.

It's made entirely of the same color of like pink flesh all over it, but it also has a very pronounced mustache and an incredible coif of hair that looks like it on its own could seduce anyone in the world. Yoga bod, hot cordat, is this your king of kings now, ladies? You're gonna go to yoga all early

to get with this guy, huh? Yes, Ron, very clever. He's been with us the whole time because he's so hot and so cool. Very clever. It is me, Mark Likely. No. And you've killed my brother. And as a result, I'm going to ruin your lives.

Shut up, Mark, and tell us what you did with Dennis. Mark, where's Dennis, you bastard? So as you say that, Dennis looks at you with some confusion and slowly the memories of Dennis begin to resolve themselves into what they truly are, which were implanted memories. You can feel them like somebody incepted you with the memories of what Dennis had been

doing with you all this time, that the origin of all those incepted memories, you know that they came from Mark Lakely. I wish that I, instead of freaking out, I just been like, oh, hi, Mark. And he's going to bamf away. But before he does, he's going to say, Aaron O'Neill can get it though. He's going to bamf away, but before he does, he's going to say, Aaron O'Neal can get it though! All of its arms and legs begin to crawl into its own chest,

and it starts compressing inward. There's a black hole inside of his chest, and he's sucking himself into himself, and then he basically disappears entirely, and he's gone. Like that. He's gone. And so now you have to decide, regardless of what role-playing stuff happens you have to decide which of the dad's anchors you're going after first so henry just drops to the ground in astonishment at the crazy eldritch nonsense he just saw and he goes what what oh my god this whole time, Dennis wasn't real.

If Dennis wasn't real, what is real? And Ron, you knew, none of us saw it, but you did. You saw through it, Ron, and we ignored you. And for that, I am truly sorry. And I kneel at Ron's feet and I bow my head in humility. Terry goes, just like at the end of Lord of the Rings. Just like at the end of Lord of the Rings. Just like at the end of Lord of the Rings. Which ending? The one where Aragorn bows and says he's sorry.

Yeah, well, I stopped watching like three hours in that movie after there's already four endings, and then everybody just keeps ending. Terry's like, I got you where you're going for. I got you. That's a super fresh film take, Ron. Thanks, I haven't heard that one before. Shit, Ron, sorry. Dang. You were trying to warn us, Ron. Thanks, I haven't heard that one before. Shit, Ron,

sorry. Dang. You were trying to warn us, Ron, you were right. Kids, and I turned to the assembled kids, and I was like, this is an important lesson for all of you, which is that reality is more complicated than it seems sometimes, and you gotta always check, you know, about stuff.

That's what I'd say about that. Mark and Sparrow both raise their hands, and they go, are you sure the rule isn't that you're supposed to believe your friends when they ask for help and they look desperate because you didn't do that none of you believed ron you were all very bad friends you know both of them say that simultaneously but dennis was our friend i'm just saying like it's not that morally simple like dennis was our friend like that would be a weird message like don't trust one friend when he says to distrust and hate another friend clearly daryl has never been a girl in middle school like like watch this watch this hey glenn henry's not real glenn immediately draws his gun and pins henry to the ground whoa whoa glenn glenn glenn

relax it's me it's me glenn you're. You're uptight. I don't like you. Remember, it's me, Henry. Glenn, I was just trying to make a point. Don't, please don't shoot Henry. Glenn slowly puts his gun away and goes, hmm, I got my eye on you, tree man. I think it's important in a world of magic that we don't constantly distrust everything. That will go down a scary territory if we distrust everything that we see. I hope that was a one-time thing that happened i think the lesson is trust but verify so i think

we should have listened to ron more than we did that's what we were saying and then we could have independently verify that dennis was real and maybe you know we could have taken a little bit of time to do that okay so like whenever i hear a threat just going to be like, pics or it didn't happen, bitch. Oh my God. Okay, so Walter goes, so where are we going next? So I think the first thing, I mean, we need to drop the kids off at the pool, so to speak. Well, I'll take them in my motorcycle and then we'll split off right here. But you basically got to decide where you're going.

Oh, did we fix the motorcycle? Yeah. Daryl. I'm very good with machines. It just stopped. All you did was put a vine in it and then it came to a stop and he pulled the vine out. For whatever reason, this whole thing has not shaken Daryl that much ever since the snake walked away and everything like this just things just bounce off him in this world at this point i think as everybody's yelling about dennis he's definitely uh looking at grant um who i'm assuming

has a similar look on his face that he's had this whole time and he goes hey guys you know i'd really appreciate i think if we could go do my thing first i you know i would i mean i know we all want to spend time with our kids but like i i would like to if we could go with uh to balls deep right glenn yeah daryl i think you're right we should go balls deep your dad's the one part of this thing we don't really understand because it seems like you got a pretty healthy relationship with him so maybe we can recruit an ally in this fight by doing that. In the spirit of skepticism, which we learned by also trusting people, Daryl's dad is the only dad I haven't seen with my own eyes. So to Daryl, I say, real dad or it didn't happen, bitch.

Okay, yeah. It'd be amazing if we find my dad. So Peyton says, I feel like I should go with Daryl or the guys. And Walter's like, you guys trying to get away from me again Payton's like

no no no honestly for some reason I get stuck in this world too because we tried to leave this world and Walter's like what

he's like I'll explain it later but I got stuck here too on the anchors and I think mine is the same as Daryl's so I feel like I need to be there too

can you just trust me Walter daddy I promise it'll be okay Walter's like we don't know each other well enough for you to call me daddy yet. I want to get there but it feels like you're forcing it.

Peyton's like I'm so sorry. Peyton don't ever call anybody daddy. Don't call anybody their name and then daddy. Don't be like Walter daddy. That's a perfectly innocent thing to do. I don't know why you guys are making it weird. Hey guys Peyton's eight. You know it's okay for eight year olds to call their dad daddy.

That's all right. Okay, that's fair. Is it okay if I go with them, dad? And Walter goes, I assume so, but afterward, you're coming back with me, okay? Peyton says, okay. The thing is that since we don't know what anchor he's a part of, like, probably he has to go to everyone until we find the one that he's

a part of. Oh yeah, I guess so. Peyton's like, that's a good point. I guess I gotta stick with them because somehow this has something to do with me. I of oh yeah i guess so good point uh it's like it's a good point i guess i gotta stick with them because somehow this has something to do with me i don't know what the deal is walter's like all right so walter takes your kids uh that aren't well can we say goodbye to our kids damn no i mean he's just like he i'd say he like puts them in the fucking motorcycle and then i was going to say is there anything you like to say them before okay sorry i'm sorry go ahead i didn't want you to step on your thing go that's fine that was me just doing it right there okay what do you want to say to your kids i was going to say is there anything you like to say to them before they leave sorry i'm sorry go ahead i didn't mean to step on your thing go that's fine that's me just doing it right there okay what do you want to say to your kids i go up to lark and sparrow and i put a hand

on each of their shoulders they say boys i know we just remet again but it's gonna be it's gonna be a little bit because i gotta help uh daryl here find his dad you know and i want you to both know that i love you very much and you're both going to need to be brave and take care of each other and look after each other. Mom's back home and she's really counting on all of us to pull through together and make it back home and we'll be home playing oaks and ogres before you know it. But until then, you boys be strong

and you listen to Walter because he's a good guy and if you get in trouble, you stick with each other no matter what, okay? So Sparrow says, absolutely, father. Brother and I will stay together. Come what may. And I will teach him, gosh willing, to be a sweeter, kinder, more empathetic person. And Larch just looks at you and says, father, come back with your shield or on it.

And Henry tearfully gives them a salute and says, everything's going to be OAK, boys. And he salutes them and turns away. Terry, well, I was kind of aggravated recently because I thought, oh, Dennis is so cool with all of his stuff and his body and his talent. But you know what? Dennis, he doesn't have a kid like you so I guess that I am way

the frick better than fucking Dennis that guy's an asshole and he doesn't even exist and so yeah Terry just pulls you into a hug and he says Dennis isn't half the dad that you are aww

he's twice the dad he's twice the dad nice nice son he doesn't do that but yeah he gives you a hug and he says be careful I nod in a stoic but cool way roll for cool

I know I'm gonna have to roll dexterity okay gosh i roll a seven you like extend your neck all the way out and then just sort of slowly bow and like bend over and like you try to nod with your whole upper half and it just looks really fucking weird terry's like yeah, I get what you're going for. Glenn is going to say goodbye to Nick by going up, cocking his arm up, like for a predator high five, and then going, via con Dios.

And Nick cocks his arm the same way, and bam, and grabs your hand and completes the predator high five. And also quotes point break. Just says young, dumb, and full of cum. Yeah, yeah. He grabs his father's hand and says, young, dumb, and full of cum.

And Glenn goes, all right. No, no. He grabs your hand and he goes, Utah, Utah, give me two. He grabs her hand and he goes, Utah, Utah, give me two. The kids minus Grant and Peyton drive away with Walter. He says like, how do we get in contact with you? So you see Walter pull a leaf off of a tree and he goes, talk to Aaron. She'll talk to me.

That's how we'll keep our communication. Kind of jacked up that you're making Aaron kind of like a switchboard operator for us to communicate. It's kind of fucking weird. Glenn, why are you screaming? Glenn, why are you screaming? He hasn't driven away yet. Aaron pops up on the leaves and she's like, well, I'm the one who often gives you most of the information you need anyway, so around the time you need to talk to him, you need to talk to me anyway. Wait, Walter,

before we go, which way to Balls Deep? Walter points to the west and he goes He points to his crotch. Walter points to his crotch and he goes and then he points to the west and he says, points to his crotch. Walter points to his crotch and he goes and then he points to the west and he says Balls deep is that a way? And like in a movie where they cross

dissolve and you guys are on your horses and camels and mastiffs already traveling to Balls deep and it's an uneventful ride. Across the wastelands known as the taint. No. It's just one weird ridge. You hear the sounds of cheering and the sounds of people.

And as you turn a corner, you see a big building, like a large, almost like a coliseum. And on the outside of it says Balls Deep Stadium. And you hear shouting and chanting from the inside and you see on the outside there are people like barbecuing meat and like sitting around with big jugs of ale and stuff like that and there is what you initially think is a screen but as you look at it a little bit more you see it's actually just a bunch of gnomes holding little magical torches that they can change the colors of at will but it basically ends up being sort of like a screen. And you see the image of a brown egg-shaped object sailing and spinning around through the air.

And then a fist comes up and grabs it and then brings it down. And as the fist comes and brings it down, the camera follows it and it comes down and you see an eyepatched figure and you hear Grant gasp because it is the figure of Yeet Biggly. And he says, are you ready for some football? Nice. Hell yeah. Yeah. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold

as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos as Henry Oak. Beth May as Ron Stampler. And myself, Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. Theme song and outro is All Right by Maxton Waller. Audiobook intro narration by Will Jenkins. Special guest this week, Ashley Burch as Dennis Anderson.

Ashley, what have you been up to? There's a Mythic Quest Raven's Banquet quarantine episode coming out on Friday, which is already out. It's out. Already out. Oh, my God, it's out. Go watch it. Ashley's on a show called Mythic Quest, available on Apple TV+.

You can follow her on Twitter at Ashley underscore Birch. This wild episode happened in no small part thanks to the support of our Patreon supporters. I use the word support twice i don't care folks like elise taber sam middleton wolfie walks anika hardy michelle cavanago the original nick show none of the knockoffs warren bones daily soul poet 77 and phantom moth stew patreon folks we got a backlog of special bonus content coming your way we're laying tracks down for the henry oak rap album the rocks rock ep this week and we're going to make anthony go on an adventure of our creation in an upcoming walter and payton side quest episode patreon supporters at all levels will get access to these stretch goals for free so if you want to

be there when these crimes against digital media drop hell number to patreon.com slash dungeons and dads and browse the fine supporter wares we have on offer. Website with some new merch, dungeonsanddaddies.com, twitter.com slash dungeonsanddads for them hot tweets, bit.ly slash dungeon dads for that hot Facebook page, and r slash dungeons and daddies for our subreddit. Next episode coming at you June 9th. We'll see you then well i should say that your bill clay impression from like two episodes ago was actually really good. Okay, I'm done now.

Thank you. All right. So you're one of them, aren't you? Bill Clay. God. Pretty tricky with that accent. The most specific niche fucking reference. Oh, God.

Oh, no. You're one of them. You know those little things with the guns with the red paint? Okay.