Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 35 - The Jellicle Ball

Episode Date: June 9, 2020

The dads get down and dirty on the gridiron as Grant reconnects with Yeet Bigly and Darryl discovers his anchor.This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, and violence towards children.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Join our Facebook group!Check out the subreddit!Project DADGUT is the group transcription projectDM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. I'm Ashley Burch. I play Dennis Anderson. Who are you? He's a father, a firefighter. Some say he's a dilf. And he's definitely been here the entire time.

Dennis, I just want to say, this van is better with you in it, and I love you. We wouldn't have made it this far without you, Dennis. I'm just happy to be here. Guys, I'm on hold with Scam Likely. He's Mark Likely's brother. Dennis says he's one trustworthy dude. You've received a call from Scam Likely. The only thing people know for sure

is that he's definitely a better dad than Ron Stampler. Dang, Dennis, you saved me from nutting myself again. Henry's favorite dad is Dennis. I wish you were my dad, Dennis. That's a great recipe for vegan chili, Dennis. Dennis, who are you? I'm a member of Barbershop Quartet back in Skokie, Illinois. Dennis, who are you?

I know you weren't here before. We have to go. The greatest scam the devil ever pulled was convincing the scammer he couldn't be scammed. Dennis, he just showed up. No, Dennis is definitely real, and he's been here since the first episode. Can you imagine how confused people would be if they spent a year with four dads on an adventure and suddenly there was a fifth dad? That would be stupid.

Oh, what a stupid idea. That would be ridiculous. Dennis isn't half the dad that you are. And like that, he's gone. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, a D&D true crime hybrid podcast about four dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms in the quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the bard of the group who plays rock and roll music as a little Christmas cover band. That's the dad I play. This week's dad fact, everybody has a plan B, an escape plan, what they'll do, you know, if their career explodes on them.

Glenn Close believes that he could become a long haul trucker if things all go to shit. Because he feels like he spent all that time crisscrossing the country in a van. He's like, how much harder could it be with just 18 more gears? You know what I mean? He probably like wouldn't have a regular cat but would have a truck cat a truck cat yeah and has like a cabin and sleep in and play video games in one of the things about long-haul trucking two two benefits to that one you see the country two you don't have to really hang out with your kid and then three three you get paid incredibly well

because right now we're in a an interregnum of sources freddy now talking just looking at the state of long-haul trucking there's never not been freddy yeah all glenn's dad facts are freddy talking they expect long-haul trucking to become totally automated but that's not here yet that's like 20 years down the line in between now and then they still need truckers and a lot of the old timers are retiring. So if you're a young gun looking to get on the open road, you could do it and get paid pretty well. Just saying. I think as a trucker, that would be the best time and the best vocation for listening to your favorite podcast. That's very true. Freddie, may I speak to Glenn for a moment? Could you put the mask of Glenn back on? Yeah, let me put Glenn back on. One second.

Freddie, I was going to ask Glenn what his favorite trucker ballot is. What's a trucker ballot? Oh. Probably, honestly, probably Truckin' by the Grateful Dead. There you go. That makes sense. That checks out. Because Truckin' is about, right, it's about running

from 5-0 and, like like getting caught up by the law. That's essentially trucking. It's about taking the G out of ING words. Very true. Hello, everyone. My name is Will Campos. I play Henry Oak. That's not Henry's voice.

I don't know where that came from. What does Henry's voice sound? Wait, wait, wait. That's a good one. I'm Henry Oak. This is how Henry talks now. No, that would be very bad. He's a hippie, crunchy, munchy, Birkenstock rock and hippie nature druid dad.

Speaking of driving related things, my Henry fact this week is that Henry did not learn how to drive until he was 27 years old. That's fine. Yeah, he did not because he grew up on the commune and he never had per chance to drive. And then he was a couple years into his relationship with mercedes he would make a lot of excuses about driving and be like oh you know my license i don't really know but then eventually he kind of made like i don't know how to drive a car and it was actually her dad that taught him how to drive and then the very first time that he met him he was very nervous and uh her father taught

him how to drive and it was like you know kind of like a bonding experience for them that's like a good plot for like another meet the parents movie that would be good show up it's like your husband doesn't even know how to drive and then you know al pacino's gotta teach him or robert dino i don't know how pacino's gotta teach joe and wilson yeah yeah there you go can i ask some question real quick about henry can i talk to henry real quick yes give me a moment give me No, no. We're stopping this right now. Hey, Freddy. It's real nice to meet you. I spend most of my time in the imaginary world of the podcast, but it's super to be out here

in the intro. Golly gee whiz. Oh, it's so nice. All right. Move on. Move on. Fuck this. Fuck this.

Stupid. Fucking dumb. All right. Henry spends most of his time driving you crazy. God damn it. I wish you guys could all get along like all us dads get along in the podcast. You know, I feel like if this were me and Daryl, we'd have a dialogue about it. Okay, you know, if you don't want to commit to the beat,

if you don't want to commit to the bit, I'll just leave. You guys, you really hurt Henry's feelings, you know? He's texting me. He's like, hey, Will, they weren't that nice. He has his phone now. Shut the fuck up. All right. Hi, my name is matt arnold i play daryl wilson a stay-at-home coach dad who becomes a barbarian in the forgotten realms just keeping it simple i was thinking since we're getting into football territory that the one problem besides that's not as good of a sport as football that

he has with soccer is that there's just not any good soccer movies so are you fucking kidding me uh this is daryl talking matt has a list of soccer movies but compared to football so daryl's favorite because he honestly he tried to get grant to watch a bunch of soccer movies because he's like oh he doesn't want to watch you know rudy or or freaking draft day we are marshall blindside there's so many the freshmen any given son you could list it on and off he kept trying to find the right soccer movie so obviously his favorite one is just ladybugs the 1992 movie the danger ladybug slaps in will fact they shot it at my high school just flexing on that oh really yeah

our soccer field is the soccer field what's uh daryl's favorite football movie can you ask that question to daryl yeah oh that's right rudy rudy's his favorite glenn's favorite football movie is concussion with will smith i knew it i knew you're gonna say that there was probably like some kid whose dad is like a producer you know i like some small studio and every time daryl meets him he's like hey you know you guys gotta make another soccer movie just a little tip from me to you, a little soccer movie. That'll do well. That'll do well.

Anyways. It's interesting because I feel like soccer movies are generally happier and less angry than football movies. I feel like every football movie is like a flawed, fucked up guy. Again, it's like any given Sunday is like, if you keep playing this game, you're going to die. And soccer movies are always wacky and fun and lighthearted. I feel like there's no gritty soccer movies. It's because they're

kids movies. That's really what it is. That's what it is. The movies for children. The movies for children. Like Air Bud and Lady Bugs. Victory is about Nazis, right? That's true. That's a good movie. That one's good as hell. It probably has something to do with the fact that there's no

adequate pipeline for women to become professional soccer players and get well paid. Like men can get paid for doing any sport. So there's like this entire like industry of women who are excellent at soccer but can't get paid for it. And so since America only seems to think soccer is cool when girls play it and then even not that cool. I think that's why there aren't any soccer movies. Hi, my name is Beth May, and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. Fun fact about Ron this week is that

he is a faster, better runner, driver, everything than Dennis. Who's Dennis? What are you talking about? I don't know who Dennis is. Dennis the Menace? Hey, Beth, we know who Dennis is, but I'm going to switch into Daryl so we can do the bit. Oh, are we talking to Daryl? Who's Dennis?

I don't even know who I am anymore. Should I call Beth May? I mean, can I let your characters remember who Dennis is? Hey, Daryl, it's me, Henry. Did you make it into the intro too? Fuck off, all of you. This is a sacred time where I can talk to my friends. Wait, is this because we're not on video?

That's what it is? You know what it is? It's we're not in real life and we're not on video. So it's easier to break the reality of what the intro of the podcast even is. Guys, you ever think about that? That's Will talking. Great point, Will. You know, I really like the way your brain works.

That was Henry. We need a father. We need somebody who's going to tell us what we do next. Daddy master, save us. Please give us some structure. Speaking of, I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your daddy master. Oh, there we go.

Hi, dad. That did not sound good. Horrible dad horrible noise horrible noise to follow the sentence that i said relax energy that big refractory period energy you know uh fuck that all right let's go back into our fantasy world what's your fact anthony i don't have a fact i'm tied can we talk to anthony that's the one thing that i'm glad i've accomplished is that anthony birch is not I don't have a fact, I'm tied. Can we talk to Anthony right now? That's the one thing that I'm glad I've accomplished is that Anthony Burch is not a weird NPC. You haven't somehow tricked me into making me a stupid NPC.

Oh shit, challenge accepted, my dude. No, it's impossible now. It's the opposite of the secret. I put it out in the universe, it'll never happen. Now that you've said it'll never happen, when we make it happen, it'll be all the sweeter. To summarize what happened last episode uh walter the immortal showed up and basically created a new situation with you and your kids where you don't have to glug around all the nbc children anymore he is going to take the

non-relevant nbc children while you individually go after the anchors that are keeping you in this world so you decided to first go to the town of balls deep where level up. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Did I sneeze? Level up, level up,

level up, rest, level up. Do we rest and level up and rest? You're not going to level up. Anthony, we haven't leveled up since like 2019. Yeah.

Level up this year. Yeah. It's weird how that works. Damn. Oh, shit. And yet you've never lost a fight. You've never really gotten close to dying.

I've gotten close to dying. Nothing bad has happened. What are you talking about? Frickin' Rana and Glenn had those big death saves. Yeah. So dramatic. So, what happened was

you decided you're going to go to Balls Deep. We also had some stuff with, like, where you found out that Scam Likely's brother Mark Likely wants to kill you and has dedicated him slash herself to making your lives living hell but then she disappeared thank you ashley for showing up on the podcast thanks ash thanks for making

this who's ashley um and then you arrived in balls deep and basically found that there's this big massive coliseum and before we ended the episode you saw a big screen full of goblins holding red green or blue torches that basically displayed images and the images they displayed was yeet bigly catching a football out of the air bringing it down to his face and saying are you ready for some football daryl is just ecstatic and he's beaming from ear to ear and he's just like boys it's been a tough one but i think this one's gonna go all right hey grant look at that isn't that the boy you like he cannot respond because his jaw is just a gape and his face is bright red and he was just like i yeet i started screaming yeet at the screen as if it's there yeet hey where is he yeah we

should go in we should go we should go in let's go in can we go in yeah of course you i'm sure you're excited to see oh man i'm glad he's so alive hold on daryl don't you want to make sure we get some of these good tailgating eats before we head on in? We ate the cow. Anthony, can I roll perception? What is around us? Is there tailgating? Okay, go ahead and roll perception.

Okay, I'm going to roll perception. Yeah, yeah, there's absolutely tailgating. All right, but I'm going to roll perception to see if I can find where the best dogs are at, where the best beer's at. My perception is plus one. 17. Okay, well, with the 17, you can tell that there's a lot of good food out here. There's some ogre dogs and there's some goblin fingers and stuff like that people roasting stuff up on little barbecues

and pits of fire but probably nothing that's going to taste as good or better than the dread cow vacaris that you already ate pretty recently hold on sorry sorry no no no no no flag on the yellow flag we had a whole fucking going through the desert montage to get here yeah and you were eating leftovers the whole time oh that's great you think that cow last is huge they made jerky a very large cow i seem to remember daryl talking about making jerky out of it yeah how wild would be if glenn was just like yeah fuck y'all i'm just eating the hot dogs this whole episode no i mean daryl definitely is like all right guys let's get some hot hot dogs. Look for what looks the closest thing to hot dogs. You can't go to a football game without some hot dogs.

Okay, so there is a four-armed goblin standing next to four different grills. And each of his hands is like flipping over different colored hot dogs. And he's going, hot dogs here. Get your hot dogs here. Who wants a hot dog? You, sir. You look like you need a hot dog. Big old man.

Big man with a beard. Bad man. You. Absolutely. All right, who wants Absolutely. Yeah, sure. Henry, what's in these guys? It's okay, Daryl. I don't think these are vegan.

And I feel like I've been banging that drum a little bit too much lately. So you guys go ahead and have fun. I'd like to get a little bit more information about this strange land we're in. So maybe while the dads are chowing down, I'm going to try to approach the most affable looking denizen of this. I guess, are we in the parking lot? Like, where are we where are we in comparison you're basically in the parking lot there's a lot of chariots out here it's the tailgate area sort of outside the coliseum yeah uh who does he see around him in terms of like people that he could talk to so the first person you see is a buck ass naked bugbear who looks very friendly okay and she like catches you looking around it's just like

waves at you and she goes hi i wave back and what is a bugbear again yeah it's not a bear that's also an insect that's got that wrong when i first was listening they kind of just look like when you think of like a generic like world of warcraft level three humanoid baddie that's kind of what they look like they're like a little bit hairy a little bit ogre looking okay yeah they're just super generic so i wave and I say, Hail and well met. My name's Henry Oak. What can you tell me about this strange land

I find myself in? She goes, oh, pleasure to meet you. I'm Barry the Bear Bugbear Barbarian. Thank you for that name, Kyle, quickly. And she's called the Bear because she's completely naked. Oh my gosh. And Barry is spelled B-E-R-R-Y. And she goes, I am the biggest fan of the Supper Bowl.

And I come every week. The Supper Bowl week and I haven't seen you guys around. It's usually pretty tight knit kind of community. So I was, I just thought I introduced myself, sort of see what's what. The suffer bowl. That's the name of what this is? Sort of. Yeah. It's the name of it.

And it's also what they're fighting for. The supper bowl. It's a big, cool cutlery dish that you can basically every two weeks, they run another supper bowl. And whoever is on top of the end of those two weeks gets to either get the bowl itself, which has some like magical capabilities, or they can take a much larger cash prize pretty much everybody always takes a larger cash prize at this point it's like part of the tradition is that you don't take the supper bowl because that would be like kind of a jerk move because they'd

have to name it something else that would be pretty insuperable if someone did that ah he did it he did it and she starts clapping oh oh i starts clapping. Oh, oh, I'm glad. That's, wow. What a supportive community, you know. A lot of times when I make jokes like that, people don't respond quite as positively. So, okay. So, wait, then they're playing some sort of game? Is that the idea? Yes, yes, yes. They're playing the gentleman and gentle lady

and gentle person and gentle robot's game of throw the ball and then catch the ball and then take it to the other end of the field. Oh. We call it throw ball, catch ball, take it to the other end of the field oh we call it throw ball catch ball take it to the end of the field for sure good old pigskin daryl's got just food coming out of his mouth he's already got half a hot dog glenn is eating the hot dogs sideways because that's how everyone eats hot dogs in this world that's our world that's how we eat the hot dogs it's sideways you eat it sideways from the front you eat it in half so you just have like ketchup on your ears for the rest of the fucking adventure? Correct. Your first bite, you have two smaller hot dogs.

All right. I would say Ron is canonically putting like paint on his face, like team color paint, you know? Yeah, cheese heads do it. Here's the question. When you say that, because there's different versions of bugbears I see, like, does it seem like naked in a way that you're like, oh, this is like a bear that's naked? Or is like, this is definitely like a lady that's naked? Why not both? Why don't you clarify that question like if we met donald duck naked or like an orc naked i wouldn't be like i would respond to that differently than just like a slightly hairy woman speak for yourself matt are you asking anthony if daryl

gets a boner when he looks at this lady is is that what you're asking, essentially? Or if he's going to respond to her nakedness. Her nickname is The Bear, as in the naked. So yeah, I would say you can look at her and tell that she is naked. Okay. But she's nowhere near as sexy as Naked Donald Duck. No. Who is, really? Well, Daffy, because he's got the choker.

Oh, wow. Oh, no. Glenn Mouthful, what are the team's names? Yeah. So the teams that are currently competing are, there's one called the Ravagers that are kind of a mid-tier level team. And then the favorite,

and the favorite for, you know, the past couple months, I guess, maybe a little bit less, has been the Hotties. Oh, man. And as a mention of the Hotties, Grant, again, blushes very bigly. Blushes bigly. Oh, great. That's the team that boyies, Grant, again, blushes very bigly. Blushes bigly?

Oh, great. That's the team that boy you like, right? Isn't that the team? Yeah. Can we please stop mentioning that he's the boy I like? Why? You know, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. You know, you got a crush.

That's okay. I get to determine. Oh, that's fair. That's fair. Come on. Come on. Grant here doesn't want to talk about the boy that he likes. Chill out.

Like, leave it alone. Stop doing that. Stop it. What if he hears? Glenn wants. Like, leave it alone. Stop doing that. Stop it. What if he hears? Glenn wants to be like, Ravagers sound cool. Where do I get their merch? Can I get a jersey?

Glenn wants to be decked out in Ravagers gear because he just perceives them as the underdog. Oh, God. That's me at literally every sport event I have ever been into in my life is I immediately just empathize with whatever team I think is worse because then I'm like rooting for them underdog because I'm a basic human being.

Ron realizes that the face paint he put on isn't the color of either of the teams. It's like a hot pink or something. Barry says, well, they have merch inside. I was just about to head in and just basically put some bets down if you wanted to join me. Oh, sports betting.

Now Glenn is in. Sports betting, Anthony? Yeah. bet in and just basically put some bets down if you wanted to join me. Oh, sports betting. Heck yes. Now Glenn is in. Sports betting, Anthony? Yeah. Glenn was willing to fucking bet on children. I wanted everybody to have something to do. Holy shit. Glenn is fucking like, what's the over-under?

What's the spread? All right. If we're going to bet, we're going to do this fairly, and I pull out our gold, and I give everybody 10 silver. I'm like, okay, we each get 10 silver to spend on the betting, and then at the end, we'll split it all up. We can all have a fair shake at betting. Thanks, Daryl. And I ask Barry the Bear. I say spend on the betting, and then at the end, we'll split it all up. We can all have a fair shake at betting. Thanks, Daryl.

And I ask Barry the Bear, I say, Barry the Bear Bugbear, is there somewhere I could donate this 10 cents, you know, like a good charity or something like that? That's what I prefer to bet on is, you know, the future. Yeah, I mean, they have barrels that are about, like, giving money to underprivileged kids, but a lot of that goes to overhead. It's kind of a scam, so I would hold on to it. Well, you know, maybe I'll hold on to this and donate it home so just to ask you one more question we're kind of like on a quest here because we're adventurers from another land have there been

any reports of like daddy magic in this area oh i don't know what that means okay um and then let me ask you one more question have you seen anyone that looks kind of like this guy and i jerk my thumb toward daryl but like maybe, like maybe with like a cool salt and pepper beard, just like an older version of him. Or like dead. When he does that, by the way, Daryl is already shirtless and he's taken some of the face paint that Ron's using and he's writing yeet on his chest. Oh my God.

And then on his back. And he's like, Grant's like, oh my God. Can you write go on my back? No. Please, Ron. What am i writing right go so i can say go heat okay and ron writes it like van go oh god grant's just dying grant slowly just taking point after point of psychic damage just watching this happen so uh barry the Bugbear, puts her hand under her chin, and she like steps forward to Daryl, and then she just pokes him in the belly,

and she goes, no, because I would remember. Look at this boy. Look at this big, good boy. No, I would recognize somebody who looked like an old version of him. Silver Fox of his cream puff. You're very... she's okay. He turns away. This naked lady just touched me in the

tummy. So and you're naked from the waist up to like that very intimate. Yep. Do you see how it feels to be embarrassed like this? Come on, I'm a grown man. Don't worry about it. That's a seven minus one. That's a six.

So Greg goes, uh-huh. Nice. Don't tell mom about this. I didn't. Let's go inside, guys. Let's go inside. Let's watch the game. You head inside.

To your left, you can see a bunch of people taking and making bets to your right you can see a snack bar full of overpriced food a lot of the same food you saw outside but just more expensive and commodified and sodas and drinks and stuff sodas they got sodas the second i said sodas i was like oh you fucked up you fucked up what are the sodas i want to know all the soda flavors right now give me five fantastical soda flavors, Anthony. Orca Cola. Off the dome. Orc Zero Diet Orcs.

That's three. You sly son of a bitch. Spite. Okay. Just Spite. Slice, but it's got like a guy with like a big old sword on the can. What are other sodas? Tab.

Tab just exists in this world. Yeah, they just have Tab. It's exactly the same. It's really weird. There's one called Mountain Dew, but it's spelled D-O, and it's just a very large bipedal mountain, like giving you a thumbs up. I like that.

We should have that. Mountain don't think. Mountain do. Holy shit. shit i'm good i want a large mountain dew guys this episode just paid for itself i don't know i get it and i drink it what's it tastes like what's mountain dew tastes like it tastes kind of like somebody made a drink out of whipped cream and orange juice and then pine needles. Yeah. Pine needles. I go like, wow, this is better than our mountain do.

Okay. Well, I want to go to the sports bookie real quick. Hey, Hey, what do you want? I want to do a parlay six ways all in one game. What's the spread for the game?

The spread, the spread is 35 chili wings and a a juggler i want the ravagers money line i want over on completions and touchdowns i want the over on interceptions and the over on assists and the opening uh coin flip you take lightning bets do i take like this guy wants to know if i take lightning bets are you kidding me what are you how good do you think i am i want 10 silver a point right that's That's a risky bet, my man. I go ahead and place the risky bet from the film Uncut Gems on

the other team. He gives you your ticket. You hold it and you say, I'm going to come. Oh my god. I'm going to come. Holy shit, I'm going to come. Okay. All right. Sorry. I just had to. Sorry. Okay. Whatever. Okay. So you'll have to tell me if any of those things actually happened because I don't track most of the things you just said.

I mean, Freddie doesn't know half the things that he just said either because he was quoting a movie. In front of you, after you all get your sodas coming back with very large, big, glip-sized sodas, there is the entrance to the Coliseum, which is notable for several reasons.

A, you can see small little figures in the distance playing what you assume to be this world's version of football. B, you can see small little figures in the distance playing what you assume to be this world's version of football. B, you can see something is suspended above the field. And from this distance, you can see it's like moving. It's got some tentacles coming off of the top of it. You can't quite make it out from this distance, but it looks alive and it's big. And then C...

It's like a big octopus-y thing on the sky. A little bit, yeah. Not quite full octopus-y, but a little octopus-y. And then next to the entrance to the coliseum is a big ox like man like a bipedal ox man with a clipboard and a sign next to him that says team signups here enter to win the supper bowl gain eternal glory is he naked no he's wearing clothes okay how many people are naked it's just her it's just barry oh just her she's just a nudist man henry's like this is nudism it's there was a speaking out loud daryl was slightly looking

around for more nude henry knew what daryl was thinking and he said hey man it's just an it's they just have nudists here you know like what are you talking about oh i totally forgot about that naked lady i don't know what you're talking about henry okay again roll deception with disadvantage because you failed the first one so now everybody knows what you look like when you're lying a nine yeah i ain't gonna do it yeah no uh so henry's just like yeah you know look daryl it's just you know some people that's just how they choose to live in their body um i saw you got your shirt off pretty quick once we got in here so you know that's how people do it that's all this is no big deal yeah no i agree bears like yes no big boy. And she tickles your nipples.

She tickles my nipples. Excuse me, lady, I am married. Nobody's that married. Come on. Nobody's that married. I am that married. Guys, let's go sign up. Just walk away from her. Yeah, this lady's kind of toxic. Let's get some distance. That was not okay.

I'm with Daryl on this one. I'll see you guys later, probably, when you have more questions about the way this world works. Let's get some distance. That was not okay. So yeah, I'm with Daryl on this one. I'll see you guys later probably when you have more questions about the way this world works. Do you want to talk to this ox who's taking a sign up? Yes, clearly we do. Well, do we want to play the game?

I thought we were here to watch. Like I don't understand. I feel like- I just walked away from her and then I find myself kind of just like moving away and I see the big ox. I go, oh, hi uh sir darryl wilson nice to meet you the ox man goes ah always a pleasure to meet a new fan to the supper bowl

i haven't seen you around here new blood new blood fresh blood blood blood blood have you come to watch or to play or maybe a little bit of both wait we can we can play of course of course that's what i'm here for to take signups for playing every two weeks the top ranked team gets to take either the supper bowl which you probably shouldn't do because it's a traditionally you just don't do that uh or a great deal of money and as you gets to take either the supper bowl, which you probably shouldn't do because traditionally you just don't do that, or a great deal of money. And as you can see over there, the supper bowl is being held by our grand beholder and he points at the undulating mass of

orbs and sort of mild tentacles. And as he points at it, you specifically, Daryl, can tell, oh, okay, this is where my anchor is. You feel it, the daddy connection that tethers you to this realm. It's in the supper bowl. And the supper bowl is being held in the mouth of a beholder,

which is a very large floating head with a bunch of eyes on little stalks that come out of its head instead of hair. And one big central, it's like a cyclops. And it's holding the supper bowl in its mouth gingerly and watching the game with all of its eyes and going, yeah, hell yeah, hit each other hard. I go, oh, sir, sorry, what was your name?

My name's Football Frank. All right, Football. Ooh, that's my dad's name. Frank, not Football Frank, but nice to meet you. Holy shit, fan theory. Is this Daryl's dad and he's been turned into a giant ox? Guys, quick dad huddle plus you kids. That's right, Grant and Peyton. Hey, Peyton, I remember you're here.

How's it going, Peyton? Wait, what? You can't forget. Grant and Peyton. Hey, Peyton. I remember you're here. How's it going, Peyton? Wait, what? You can't forget, baby. How's it going, Peyton? I'm going great. Good, good. Hey, guys.

Um, so I know this is our first like anchor thing, but see that giant floating squid creature? Oh, yeah. You know, we've done a lot of weird stuff and like I'm feeling that thing where I'm like, that's it. I don't know if we got to kill it, but that's definitely the anchor. Peyton goes like the thing itself or the thing in its mouth the bull probably the bull I guess that makes more sense than the creature but it seems like either way daddy is in the eye of

the beholder fuck you fuck you oh my god inspiration for Will unfortunately oh my god god you had that cocked and locked in. I did a little while ago.

I was just biding my time. Henry's like, wow. So you think this supper bowl is part of your anchor to this world? I mean, yeah. I was just wondering if anybody had won the supper bowl before and chosen the supper bowl because they're saying that nobody chooses the supper bowl. But if nobody chooses it, then why is it there to begin with? with good question hey uh hey frank can you come into this huddle sort of squeezes in because uh yes what why what ron you want to ask him what you just asked uh

yeah frank so uh generally there have been a couple of teams that have won the supper bowl over the years the road warriors have won it. The blue curtains have won it. The big strong dogs have won it. But generally, strong dogs. Generally, it tends to either have some sort of like mild, inconvenient curse attached to it that makes you kind of want to give it back. Or it just ends up being just a big old bowl that you can't do a lot with. You can't really sell it because nobody wants to buy it. It's more of a symbolic thing than an actual treasure. So they usually end up giving it back in exchange for the cash prize so it's like our mascot sort of thing that we don't actually want to give up so we've just increased the monetary prize every week without actually uh so you've had to increase the monetary

price in order for people to not take the option you've chosen to give them in the first place that's classic game design, actually. That's inflation, baby. That's, but you don't, that's not, okay. All right, I'm confused. Ron, does that make sense? Yeah, speaking as a businessman, I respect inflation, maybe.

Henry sort of nods resolutely and says, well, gentlemen, it looks like we need this bowl to sever daryl's anchor to this world and looks like there's really only one way we're going to be able to do that and then i pulls out a ton of gold it goes how much is it gonna cost oh my god can we bypass this whole dungeon with money i hear what you're thinking henry i hear what you're thinking, Henry. I hear what you're thinking. I am, because I was going to say, let's figure out what the price of this thing is.

Yeah. So you're trying to bribe Football Frank to get the supper bowl. Well, Frank, it just seems like most people rather take money than that bowl. So can we just take that bowl and give you a bunch of money? I'm going to nudge Daryl and say,

Daryl, worst case scenario, we could also bribe the other team. Oh. They'll take a hit. They'll take a fall. Well, that'd be cheating. Glenn raises a good point. We could just wait for one of these teams to win

and then give them more money than the prize money if they take the supper bowl and then just give us the supper bowl. That's true. So while you guys are talking about this, the ox is rubbing the bridge of his nose and he goes, clearly you seem to think that this is some sort of unfortunate foster children.

All we care about is money. Johnny, come lately, sports entertainment enterprise. That's not what this is some sort of unfortunate foster children, all we care about is money, Johnny, come lately, sports entertainment enterprise. That's not what this is. We believe in the sanctity of athleticism and of victory and of failure and of getting better and of coming back every week and trying your mettle against a- Now Daryl has an erection. Oh, God.

You may certainly try to bribe one of these teams. Lord knows it has been done before. You can even try to bribe me, but I can tell you with some certainty, it's almost certainly not going to happen because we came here for the love of one thing, and that is throwing a skinned ball around and hitting each other kind of hard

in ways that will cause permanent brain complications that can never be reversed. So where does that leave us vis-a-vis just trying to buy this trophy? Yeah, we need that trophy. Well, if you're trying to buy it from me, I am not going to sell it. I just signed teams up. If you wanted to try to haggle with anybody,

you'd have to haggle with the beholder who guards the trophy. And given that he is a beholder and a very powerful one at that, I do not suspect he will lightly give up. But it does seem to me we could arrange a side deal with one of the teams. Like, who do we think is going to win? It seems like this kid Yeet is like a pretty good football player. Maybe we could just pay them to, you know, do a little trade. Oh yeah, how's Yeet's team

doing? Yeet's team is doing great. They are absolutely the favorite. Ever since they showed up... Oh, he's somebody's favorite, you know what I mean? And then I nudge Grant. Dude! Stop it! Ever since they showed up covered in blood from what they

said was a four nights tournament they've been consistently winning. In fact Yeet Bigley their quarterback has allegedly never missed a single pass.

Never lost one to pass interference. Never thrown one out of bounds. Never. And his sister Killa is one heck of a receiver.

So those two together they more than make up for the weaknesses in the rest of their roster. That's awesome that Yeet has such good

depth perception with only one eye, too. Yeah. A lot of the other players have been gouging out eyes of their own to sort of get Yeet Bigley's power

and it has not worked. It's like the left nut thing with, uh, what's his name? I'm sorry. Lance Armstrong? Yeah, Lance Armstrong.

That was the secret of Lance Armstrong's power. You're right. Yep. By card, no nut can't lose. And cheat. And cheat. Cheat hard, no nut can't lose.

Well, okay. If we want to both win and impress Mr. Yeet and Miss Killa, we could pay them to take the fall in the game both win and impress Mr. Yeet and Miss Killa, we could pay them to take the fall in the game and then we go against the Rampagers, right? Ravagers, but yeah, close enough. Ravagers, and then we do good and then everybody's really impressed with us and we win the supper bowl.

So as you say that, you hear, and I guess anybody who's looking at the Beholder can see, the Beholder opens its mouth and bellows, Oh, the hotties win! And the crowd inside loses their mind and you see one of the teams begin to stream off of the field

towards you and you see in front of them is Big Leon, his skateboard as ever, and he's giving a noogie to kill a demon. He's going, I thought we was close there at the end, but we managed to nail it, didn't we, sis? And she goes, we sure sure did bro and um he sees all of you and he goes hey hey look kill it it's the daddies and she goes oh hey what's up guys what brings you here i point on my chest and i turn back and forth just so you can see both sides of me yeet gawk go yeet that's not what it says go yeetet. Go yeet. Dude, you did great.

And you, Killa? Glenn goes, I'm fucking ruined. I'm fucking ruined. What brings you here? Hey, Grant. And Grant's like, huh? Oh, what? Hey, Grant, do you want to say hi?

Uh, hey, uh, it's- So Henry, sensing the poor lad's awkwardness, nudges Daryl and says, Hey, Daryl and says, Hey Daryl, I can actually use your help with something over here. And the other dads, um, Grant, why don't you fill yeet and kill it in on why we're here?

And I'm like, guys, there's an important quest item over this way. Oh, okay. I've just follow. Grant, like tries to like, coolly,

like snap a finger gun and point at you. And he just goes, Hey, uh, I'll do it. Hey, uh hey uh yeet we're gonna and then i turn around that way and i point at my back you're gonna gawk that way i walk away from him you can sort of see in a presuming that you're you know casting i'm just staring at whatever i don't know where henry's bringing us but the whole time i'm just like staring back i'm trying to watch grant and yeet. So you can see that Grant is like very awkwardly sort of flailing his hands around,

trying to look casual, trying to lean on things, failing to do so. Anthony, just so you know, one of Henry's abilities is that he's observant, which means he can read ellipse. So I would like to offer to translate what Grant is saying to the rest of the dads.

Okay, so I'll just sort of say it and I presume that you were communicating this to everybody else. Ooh, it's like watching a play. Anthony, do a play for us. It's not like watching a play because it's only audio. What do you want me to... It's like watching an audio play. I'm using my fingers to act it out in front of me.

Go. So you can air quotes here, basically a conversation wherein Grant says like, yeah, so we tried to leave and then it didn't work out. And he basically fills him in on all the plot shit that's happened. So not much, am I right, fellas? Not a whole lot. We walked five feet over the course of several weeks.

I see him use the term five footer several times as he's on. He puts his arms out to like show what five feet is. And he's like, oh man, that sounds rough. So you guys are going to try, you're going to enter. You and me are going to be fighting against each other for the supper bowl. That'd be cool, man. And he like playfully like hits him on the shoulder with a fist. And Greg goes, ah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So actually what we wanted to do was we're thinking maybe since you guys are going to win anyway and you're going to get the money, we could pay you. And instead of you taking the cash prize, you could take the supper bowl, give us the bowl, and then we would just give you the money and then we could use that. And Geek goes like, I mean, I would, I really want to help you guys. I genuinely do.

But we're trying to sort of make a living for ourselves doing this. And if it's known that we like got the bowl and then sold it off, it like diminishes the prestige of the whole thing. And I think they might not want to book us going forward. So I think it kind of might screw us the prestige of the whole thing and i think they might not want to book us going forward so i think it kind of might screw us over a little bit oh i think grant's in trouble well he'll figure it out okay i just feel like we're gonna wind up having

a play in this game it's fine i just feel like maybe we shouldn't have given anthony the ability to sidestep our own derail by giving him the opportunity to talk his own way through it so it's like yeah because i would love to see you guys play i think it'd be really cool to see you out because you handed yourself really well in that four nights i think i'd be because when i look at you i think that's a linebacker i think that boy is a linebacker i think he'd be really good at it and grant's like i yeah totally henry is frantically waving to grant be like no like make him give the thing and he's just gesticulating wildly tell him we'll pay him grant gives you a thumbs up and he goes yeah absolutely yeah so i'm gonna be I'm going to be a really, I'm going to be a great linebacker.

I'm going to score a lot of points. He goes, well, linebackers defense. He goes, yeah, no, absolutely. I'll make them not score points. It'll be great. And could we actually like, are you doing, are you doing anything? And he's like, what? I can't, I can't.

He's like, yeah, you're doing like, like later after dinner. Did you want to like hang out? And he goes like, oh yeah, sure. No, I'm not doing anything later. Like after, yeah, you're like, how do you, like, later after dinner, did you want to, like, hang out? And he goes, like, oh, yeah, sure. No, I'm not doing anything later. Like, after, yeah, I'll have to shower up. And Grant goes, whoa. And he goes, yeah, I'll shower up. And then, yeah, we can grab dinner or something.

Grab some dogs. And he goes, yeah, grab some dogs. He goes, anyways, I got to bounce. Kill it, let's go. And they head off to the showers. And Grant comes back to you and he goes, uh. We heard everything. He was lip reading for us. Oh. Oh was having a private that was well either way i think i think it went

pretty well i mean i think we could go and do the game and we'll win we just have to you know it's i mean i don't think we can beat ye but like we'll get close like i don't know just play ever since you started that conversation i've been stretching my hammies and i'm revving and ready to go actually you ever played football rod me um it's not the golf one right no but it's near the feet yes no yes and no you don't use your feet but uh do you wear a helmet football frank goes would you like me to explain the rules of catch it grab it throw it run it across the field to the other end of the field? As briefly as possible, if you could. Sure.

So there's offense and defense. When you have the ball in offense, your goal is to get it to the other end of the field. And when you do, you get six points. And defense's job is to make sure you can't do that. That's it pretty briefly. There are more specifics that you'll run into when you actually play. No, that's about right. That's about right. That sounds great pretty briefly. There are more specifics that you'll run into when you actually play. No, that's about right. That's about right.

That sounds great. Yeah. All I know is that, Grant, you really want to play football with your dad? Yeah, I guess with my dad. Yeah, yeah. And there's a guy named Frank? Right here. I'm going to play with my boys.

All of you. Okay. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Let's do this, guys. Daryl's on his knees like just fucking weeping tears of joy daryl i'm what henry you ready for this yeah man i was just gonna say i'm really excited that you're gonna get this chance to bond with grant i'm really stoked for you dude yeah i stoked the right word is that what you say in a situation like this stoked is that i

feel like i've heard stoked but i never really got the context of it. No, I think so. Okay, well, then I'm stoked. You know, I'm not usually a football man myself, but you put me down for whatever you guys need. Like, if you need someone to make sure everyone's being safe. Like, I hear there's a safety. Is that what the safety does? He makes sure everyone's being safe.

I could do that. Oh, yeah, we'll figure out what we're all good at. Frank, hey, Frank. Yes. We're signing up. Ooh, okay. Well, figure out what we're all good at. Frank. Hey, Frank. Yes. We're signing up. Ooh, okay. Well, first things first. What is the name of your team?

The Doodlers. I mean, yeah. That are very aggressive. We're the Doodlers. Okay, great. Doodlers. Okay. Actually, you signed up just in time because we just had a team drop out.

So if you're ready to go in now, I can give you your playbook and we can just get you on the field as soon as possible. Wait, why are you giving us our playbook? I know how to play football. We have our own playbook. Yeah, it's all right here. I pointed to my head. I got a playbook. Okay.

Well, I mean, it's just a lot of people consider it helpful for going out there, but if you don't want to. Listen, pal, we're just going to run Da Bomb over and over and again because that's objectively the best play. Okay, so as you say that, he goes, oh, so you have played. And he opens up the playbook,

and there's only two plays on it. One is called Da Bomb, and one is Sub-Zero. Midway presents NFL Blitz. The only plays available are the two plays from NFL Blitz 2000. Do we need five more players? No. How many people are on each team? It's six people per team.

Oh, so it's kind of like football. Counting up you all, it's one, two, three, four, five, six. So yeah, there's six of you. All right. Well, it all worked out perfectly. Peyton, do you know this sport? What position do you play? I'm sort of a one-man defensive line.

They sort of come at me, and then they don't get back up. I put them down, they don't come back up. They, I put it down. They don't come back up. They call me the wall. They don't get past the wall. I love the idea that Payton is stretching as he's saying that. Yeah, absolutely. He's somehow already in gear.

Like you don't even know where he got it from. Oh, is that what a football uniform looks like? No, this is what a man looks like, baby. Oh, I was going to say, I guess I've never played football before, but

on second thought, I guess I've never been a man before. Am I right, fellas? Just kidding. I've been a man my whole life. Okay, Ron. Yeah. Hey, now, what is the rule on, like, magic? Can we cast magic spells during the game? Is that cheating? I don't, you know, we're not really

from around here, so I don't really know what the... I see, I see. Let me lay the whole experience out for you. So generally speaking, anything goes. So the rules of this beloved game are basically the... I'm trying to find a way to phrase it in Canada that's not identical to NFL Blitz.

But so basically, it's 30 yards to a first down. Pass interference is allowed. And extra points it's 30 yards to a first down. Pass interference is allowed and extra points are automatic when you score a touchdown. Whenever you're playing, you can choose to either hit somebody in a way to make them stop moving and drop the ball, or you can hit them in a way to do physical damage to them. And that counts with weapons or spells or what have you. So when somebody is coming at you with the ball, you can either say, hey, I want to tackle this person

and make sure that they stop and then they'll have to start a new down or you can run the risk of, I'll hit them with my ax or something to try to maim them, but taking the risk of that, they will continue without having been downed and they'll just keep running

and potentially score a touchdown. I follow up quite again, I hate to be a safety nerd. Do people die playing this game? Is that something that happens? They do not generally. We have some very good part-time doctors that will basically deal with any injuries you might have. We have beds where long rests can be had.

Oh, wow. Oh, and during halftime, there's going to be a multitude of potions that you can quaff if you so wish. And amongst those are healing potions. They're in very large jugs like uh orange jugs with with spigots on the bottom at the end of a game you can dump them on one another and get all your health now are there potions that will give us all super big heads he leans in and like the light gets dark on his face because that's only if you do the secret words

that sounds maybe it's a little too dangerous for you to looking at grant and payton greg goes no no absolutely i i could do this i can for sure do this this is the one thing i'm good at is fucking people up i'm i'm doing this i gotta do this and pain's like uh i feel like i'm pretty good i've been the the prime of my life, baby. This is it. If not now, when? If not me, who? You know what I mean? Okay. Payton's a winner, and a winner always wants the ball when the game's on the line. That's right, baby.

Daryl, you know, I do have a spell called Stoneskin, which I could cast on Payton. Do you ever play the game Super Mario World 64, and he has that little cap that turns him metal? I think it would turn him into like metal Payton so like I think we could maybe protect Payton you know at all costs so to speak I lean over to him and I whisper really quietly I go hey man I really like Payton but like why are you saying that about Payton and not Grant I'm cause Payton's 8 dog

I hate that you guys are calling each other man and dog you called him baby last episode. He kills people. That's my son. I got news to you, motherfucker. So does your son. That's true.

Okay. All right. I think this is a dangerous world, and this seems less dangerous than a lot of the stuff that we've done. So, as football, we're going to be proactive about protecting the kids. I'll be the safety, so I'll make sure that everyone's going to be safe on the squad so that's going to be my job so i'm going to look at my finger to his mouth to shush him i go henry this is my ball game i turn to the coach when i go you're right you will be safety but it's not to keep people safe henry you know what safety does

that keeps people safe right that's why you would call it a safety because it seems like a pretty dangerous game you are the last resort for if anybody gets past us if anybody gets past the line you take them down whoa use the muscle of yours and i can't punch him in the gut ow like softly i go you use that muscle yours you stop them from winning and you glenn huh what yeah i i don't know what you're gonna do yet i i need to go to the bathroom i've had a lot of this out we'll figure this out this out this goes through your system so much faster than our mountain dew sounds like you got a mountain dew code right over there payton payton i know i know i know you think you're a wall but you're the fastest quickest dude i know you're gonna take that ball and you're gonna run through and

you know what you will be a wall if anybody tries to tackle you you're gonna get right through them aren't you i like the way you think baby not quite sure if that analogy tracks but we'll keep going with it i'm the best wall that cannot be stopped i'm a weaving wall i'm like a snake and i go run all right yeah you're our secret weapon uh what position is that you're just gonna do whatever you want to do you don't even you don't even listen to me you just do whatever you want to do on the field my man can you do that oh man i've been doing it my whole life i go good grant yeah you know what's left linebacker no qb oh yeah that'd be the qb that's the last one oh hey frank you got a ball he goes absolutely

i got two i hate myself i hand it grant and i go i know you got this and i scream out i go yeet uh well yeet already went to the shower he's so gone i scream super loud he's like dad stop he might hear you he's in the showers but he might hear you stop okay never i was just gonna say that if you could throw it to you it's cool i know you can throw well you're you're the qb yeah i mean i threw that axe really good when we were leaving the cave so i guess so okay i mean your old man here center he's gonna protect you oh he's gonna make sure nobody hits you great all right time to shine you're gonna be the main guy yes yes i am all right i'm the guy i'm the main guy that's me. Glenn comes back from the bathroom. Daryl, I figured it out.

Can I be special teams? I mean, yes, you will. You will also be when there are special teams. You will be on the special teams. I promise. Because it sounds like really fucking cool. You know what I mean? Yeah, no, special teams is pretty cool. It's like when they call in SWAT.

It's when there's something only special teams can do. It's like SEAL Team 6. You know what I mean? I'll be like the SEAL Team 6 of this fucking team, dude. Hey, I look around. I'm like, we are like SEAL Team 6. Yeah. There are six of us.

There's six of us. That's how it works, right? SEAL Team 6 has six guys. It has six guys. I think that's how it works. It has six guys. Let's hit the turf, fellas. All right, Frank.

You let the crowd out there know that the doodlers are ready to play. I guess you could do thatlers are ready to play. Uh, I guess you could do that yourself when you go out. So do you say, so when the players just come out of the field, we're ready to play now. What kind of fucking backyard tournament? Hi,

I'm Ron. Hi, I'm Ron. Hi, I'm Ron. Hi, shaking hands as you go down the bleachers. Ron shakes hands with every single person in the stadium. Hi, I'm Ron. It. He's just shaking hands as you go down the bleachers. I'm Ron. Ron shakes hands with every single person in the

stadium. Hi, I'm Ron. It takes several hours. Okay, so there's gear in a little ante room before you go out onto the field if you want to get geared up, obviously, I presume. Yes, I think so. Yes. And yeah, as you walk onto the field,

presuming that you want to just walk onto the field. What manner of gear are we wearing? It is exactly what you would imagine football equipment looks like if it were made by people in like the medieval times. So it's like a lot of boiled leather, a lot of bulbous leather that kind of covers you. It's like old timey 1930s football stuff. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. Everyone has big old mustaches and striped shirts.

Wait, OK, so the cup goes in the jockstrap, right? Is that what it is? Or do you wear the jockstrap without the cup? OK. No, cup first and jockstrap. A jockstrap without the cup would defeat the purpose that's like a dance belt i guess what is a jockstrap it's something for your wait it takes your jock bro keeps your junk in one place essentially and especially for baseball so that if a ball hits you in the junk it's not why doesn't the cup just cover that the cup goes in the jockstrap yeah the

jockstrap holds the cup. That seems so inefficient. Freddie was on the chess club. It's like a bra for your penis. You know how you wear a bra and then you wear a smaller bra on the inside? Yeah, I don't have like a nipple bra. No, but a cup is just a hard piece of plastic. It would just float around in your pants. The jockstrap holds the cup.

And probably like the edge of it would catch your gingus and it would hurt if it wasn't in one place. Okay, so a jockstrap without a cup would be like a dance belt, basically, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Okay, so Ron gets a leather jockstrap

and then a leather-boiled bubble cup, I guess, is what happens. And that's it? And you don't come out with shoulder pads or anything? It's just... Well, Ron can't wear pants. That's true. And you wear shin guards and stuff. This is underwear.

This doesn't count. Ron has a jockstrap and an old-timey codpiece on and then like just knee pads and cleats. Yeah, it's kind of horrifying. And shoulder pads. Yeah, I guess if you all get geared up, basically using their sort of loner gear, it doesn't have your names on the back or anything

because it's just for whoever wants to compete. Carve it, carve it in. Yeah, no, we take the pain and we put all of our last names on the back of our shirts. Frank's look,

well, those have to be reused. Okay. That's, I mean, that's fine. If that's what you're doing, I'm just,

I'm doing it. What number are you? I'm going to be number 69. Really? Really? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

I'm going to be number. Can I just write thanks on the back of mine? Henry's football armor just says thanks on it. It says thanks on the top and then it says coexist on the bottom. What does payton say payton says number one it just it's n-u-m-b-a one yes beautiful beautiful

beautiful ron's also says number one daryl was writing wilson number one on grant and was gonna write number himself he's like writing number one and sees that there's two other people

say number one and they're like okay i get okay that's fine there's three number ones there's three number one three number ones a thanks coexist and then 69 this is the best football team ever so you all head out onto the field. So basically, as you're coming out, you see that there's a little band there of banjos and some drums and shit like that. Just a really nice elven-looking folk

who say, hey, what do you want us to play you out to when you come out onto the field? We will rock you. Do you know we will rock you? And they go, absolutely, we know we will rock you. And you find that their version of we will rock you is exactly like the version that we have. Oh, it's like in a knight's tale when they sing We Will Rock You

at the jousting tournament. You know how in fucking Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, they say that every single language has a drink called a gin and tonic? It's like that. Across all dimensions, We Will Rock You is the one consistent thing that actually keeps all reality in check. The jock jam that binds space and time together one jock jam to rule them all does the whole crowd like sing it also because everybody

knows it oh yeah absolutely boom boom jack they're doing it it's fucking great you you come down i say we will rock you i go the doodlers and i'm trying to get the whole crowd to say the doodlers in between the why don't you roll a persuasion? Oh, hell yeah. I'm like waving my arms up and down. I got two. So they go, no, we don't even know who you are. Why would we cheer your name? You don't matter to us yet. You have to get over on your own. You guys stream out onto the field

as the roar of the crowd begins to take hold, and you can feel the energy of these people who just came to watch people play some good old fashion, catch the ball, run the ball, pass the ball. They all came. They all came. Now, Anthony, are they singing We Will Rock You or We Will Rock You, Shock You, Pick You Up, and Drop You from like the playground like back

when we were kids? Did you guys have that? We Will, We Will. Alright, let's see if this fires any synapses. We Will, We Will, You Know What, Kick Your Butt, All The Way to Pizza Hut, While you're there, comb your hair, then we'll take your underwear. Yeah, it does. Yeah, I mean, a little bit.

Not strong as... You can get up to the Pacific Northwest. Oh, that's crazy. No, they're playing the vanilla version. They're all singing the vanilla version. And you come out, and as you get closer to the field... The vanilla ice version. The vanilla ice version is real bad. See, Freddie Mercury just went boom boom cheer boom boom cheer

ours goes boom boom boom cheer um fucking nice joke for nobody well done no that was I love that one

for nobody the best part was you told that joke under a lot of pressure oh god oh two inspirations in one episode

yeah man I'm going through them as the crowd is cheering not your name but you know close enough to join your song you can see that as was pointed out to you by football frank the beholder this big old creature with all these eyes and all these pustules on it is holding to the supper bowl in its mouth and you can see as you look at it just for a faint this moment this glint of purple sort of shimmer across the entire supper bowl. And you know in your heart, this is what you're here to get. And the bullholder goes, first coming out to the field, it is the Doodler.

The crowd goes, yay! We don't know who they are yet, but yay! And then a door opens at the other end of the field. And opposing them, the champions of last week's game, the Jellies. And you see a team comes out. The jellies. A team comes out. Are they jellicle cats? No, they're not jellicle cats.

Please. Devastating. How fucking dare you not make them jellicle cats? I want to hear every single one of the cat names. Okay, fuck it. They're jellicle cats.

Fine. Yes. So the first one that comes out is an ochre jelly. He's a jelly fish that has shoulder pads on. And then behind him i guess is mungo jerry are a bunch of very sexualized but private part not having felines

that are just dancing and scatting behind him and they have all the stats of half ogres but they're not half ogres i guess they're jellicle cats and they're dancing back and forth and getting way too close to one another in a way that is very uncomfortable. And then two Scarecrows behind them. So it's a real ragtag team. Come on, guys. Let's take them back to the heavy side layers.

Anthony, question. Question, Anthony. Anthony, do they have a butthole? You can't see from this angle because they're coming at you. We will find out. But then who am I kidding? One of them stops,

spreads its legs, bends over seductively, and you can see absolutely they all have buttholes. Every single one of them. Yes. And the crowd goes fucking wild. It's like in Braveheart when they all moon the English, like all the cats do.

The crowd goes wild for these jellies. You are clearly not the favorites. And that is Judi Dench. Yes. One of them looks like Judi Dench. One of them looks like Ian McAllen. Three hours later after they've all introduced themselves, we go to the plane again. That is Judi Dench. Yes. One of them looks like Judi Dench. One of them looks like Ian McAllen. Three hours later after they've all introduced themselves,

we go to the playing game. Yeah, you're still feeling worse for it. You still feel like you didn't learn anything. Jim Jam Jelly is a fabulous forward. Oh, boy. The two teams come to the center where the beholder looks down at you and goes, Ah, okay. Now comes the time of the coin flip.

Jellicles. Sorry. I guess they're, fuck it. They're Jellicles now. I was going to call them Jellicles. They're Jellicles. Jellicles, would you like to call or not call? They go, ah, fuck it.

We ain't going to call. Doodlers, I'm going to call. You don't sound like I expected them to sound. Yeah, no, they sound like normal guys. I'm not doing Jellicle voices to you. Fucking give them an inch. They want to take a mile. Fuck you.

They all come out, spread their buttholes, do seductive dances. They go, ah, never mind. Never mind. We don they want to take a mile they all they all come out spread their buttholes do subjective dances they go never mind never mind we don't want to talk no we're not about that we're not about the drama we're about the game um so uh the beholder goes okay i'm going to flip this and you're gonna call it in the air and one of his eye tendrils reaches into his mouth and pulls out a weird little life form that is basically it's a skull with a tail on the end.

And he goes, call it heads or tails. And he throws it up. Grant, call it. Grant, call it? You want me to do everything? No, I want Grant to call it. All right.

So Grant goes, heads. All right. So I'm going to toss a coin now. Whoa, you're going to toss a real coin inside this fake coin?

Wow. Of course not. I'm going to Google toss a coin. What do you feel like I'm a fucking idiot? Okay, so it turns out if you to toss a real coin inside this fake coin? Wow. Of course not. I'm going to Google toss a coin. What do you feel like I'm a fucking idiot? Okay, so it turns out if you Google toss a coin, you get the lyrics to toss a coin to your witcher. So I'm going to call that a waste of my time. Okay, just a second.

All right, I went to justflipitcoin.com and it came down heads. Okay. Hell yes. Good call, Grant. Do you want to kick or receive? I mean, you always got to receive. That's the safer option, right? You start the momentum.

No, you start the momentum. You got to own the momentum of the game. Game's all about momentum. Take the initiative. That's right, Glenn. We'll receive. Where do we stand? The holder says, you're going to go stand at your end zone,

and then they're going to kick it to you, and you're going to pick it up and run as far as you can until they hit you and stop you. Okay. That's probably the first time he's had to explain the rules to a championship, to a championship. Yeah, I'm okay if you didn't. You intentionally signed up for this.

You know this is dangerous. What? A little bit, right? Just like a little bit. Like normal sports, dangerous. Well, normal sports, they have that long-term danger. This has that and short-term danger. So it's a little bit of both.

It's still safer than actual football. It's still safer than actual football. Okay. I'm assuming that how this works is, you know, someone's going to try to catch the ball and then we try to protect them.

Who's going to do that? I mean, Peyton, you're our running back. You're our fastest, right? When Peyton grabs it, we're all going to protect him. Quick point of order,

is Peyton the fastest? I don't think he is. Oh, no. I think he believes he's the fastest. He's probably the hardest to tackle, though, because he's so smart.

Yeah, he's a little wiry. No, we're going to have to learn on the fly. Here's what we're going to do. We're going to run to the end zone to get in our places. Whoever gets there first is going to be the one catching the ball. Let's go. Ready? One sec, real quick.

And then I cast Freedom of Movement on Payden. Oh, nice. This lasts for one hour. He will be unaffected by difficult terrain, and spells and other magical effects can neither reduce his speed nor cause him to become paralyzed or restrained. He can also spend five feet of movement to automatically escape

from non-magical restraints such as manacles or a creature that has it grappled. What? Holy shit. Holy shit. Why did I not research this? You walked into the wrong room, motherfucker. No! Will, we should buff Payden. Like, we should just put every buff that we have yes super god soldier

10 000 percent uh as long as i can still cast stuff i'm also casting jump on uh payden so now he can jump triple his height i'm also giving bardic inspiration to payden so payden's gonna be like the dude and freaking starship troopers, like doing like super flips. The flip six three hole. If you do the flip six three hole, you can score. Oh, my God. Quick down a little. Not with you two kids. Okay.

Yeah. What's up? I mean, it's cool. That's definitely bump. But like, you know, we should also like pump up grand a little bit. Like he's trying to impress, you know. Yeah. But this isn't the team.

We just got to get to there. We can pump them up when we get to the team. We all win to get there, though. And Peyton's our best fucking shot. Is he? When did you decide that Peyton's our best fucking shot. Is he? When did you decide that Peyton's your best shot? He sure as fuck isn't any of us. All right.

All right, let's do it. Let's all race. Let's all race. Just whoever gets there first. I'm going to roll to hide at, like, the 50-yard mark, like, on the sidelines, acting like I'm a coach or something. Very good. All right, Blaine.

That's great. That or something. Very good. Alright, that's great. Roll stealth. I'm going to also cast pass without trace to give Rana plus 10 to his stealth check. It's that thing they always say about D&D is your druid is always the really OP one when you start playing football. Okay, so I only

rolled a 9. Plus 10, 19. That's assuming Anthony is going to let me do two spells in a row. I don't know if Anthony's doing it. Yeah, why not? It's not combat. Fucking go for it. You still got to spend the spell slots, though.

That's true, yes. Wait, it's actually a plus eight again, because I got a plus eight. Yeah, because she has plus. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Okay, so what are you pretending to be at the 50-yard line? How about just like one of the big, like, weird drop a pin on iPhone sign things that they use to measure how far you've

gone okay yeah a line marker yeah if you had your uh if you had your fucking skip it that would be the chain coming off oh you hate to see it so what is everybody's speed on your character sheet oh the first time we're gonna use this i was about to say what's the mechanic for seeing who's the fastest i'm 35 on speed hen Henry's walk speed is 35 feet. I'm 30. Oh, I'm 40. Grant and Peyton are going to try to race against one another. And if you turn back and see Grant as he's running,

he's running with more fervor and more passion than you've seen him run in a very long time. And Peyton is running with this typical amount of like weirdly unearned arrogance. Yeah, but he's bolstered by every magical spell and nothing increased his speed nothing increases speed it just meant that like he's harder to like hold on to once you tried to like grab him and tackle him so he gets smoked by grant but it doesn't matter because all those spells are still just on payton so i assume you're still gonna want

to give him payton the ball so grant one did he beat me no you all beat him you were bigger and faster okay hold on hold on grown-ass adults versus like a kid who's been playing soccer i think the adults lose that's true yeah that's true okay so yeah he smokes all of you it's almost for a second close between you and him daryl but then he just reaches the end zone pretty handily and he goes all right here's and they're all completely wiped they cannot play wheezing you Good job, Grant. Here's what we're going to do.

You two kids, Grant, you take the left side of the field. Peyton, you take the right side of the field, depending on where the ball's kicked. Whichever one of you gets it, you run, and us four adults will huddle up and protect you and run with you. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to say to Peyton, I'm going to be like,

I wish I could say something classy and inspirational, but that just wouldn't be our style. Pain heals, chick stick scars glory lasts forever payden why are you talking just you payden just you just you payden glory lasts forever right payden you just you payden says tell me something i don't know all right hands in the middle everybody i'm still at the 50 yard line i feel like we're one person short, but I don't notice anybody missing.

Is it Dennis? No, Dennis didn't exist. Fuck. Never mind. Sorry. My bad. Dang, I miss Dennis, guys. I know he was a bad dude, but I miss that guy. Anyway, hands in the middle. Let's just have fun out there, alright? And let's win! And let's win. Which is the most fun thing to do. Let's do it. Alright, doodlers

on three. One, two, three. Doodlers. Who said that? Are there other balls on the sidelines? Yeah. Like backup footballs? Oh, my God. Nice.

Beth is living out my middle school dreams of messing with a football game. Can I roll like sleight of hand and try to get like four of them? Four? Yeah. You can roll sleight of hand for each individual ball you want to grab. Okay. And if any of them fail, then it's going to compromise your ability to be stealthy. Okay.

But I mean, that would never happen. So. All right. Well, go ahead and give me a roll if that's what you want to do. Yeah, that's what I want to do. Fuck. That's what she said she wanted to do. Okay.

Well, okay. So I got a 19. Yes. I got a 16. And those are both plus two. And then I got a six. And then I got a two. Wait, so you just rolled for all of them simultaneously? So you didn't didn't think oh let me get one and then see if i want to keep

going you said oh fuck i'm getting all four yeah i'm never going to vegas with beth oh my god well i would have them all you know she's making a grab for all four of them at once yeah she's grabbing all four of them you arbitrarily decided they were four balls what does this matter i think that there are way more balls i just like for this play i would like four extra okay so you get the first one but the last one that you get it's very obvious that people see what seemed to be a yard counter is walking around holding four balls and it's and it's not very big arms and uh the beholder sees this he goes hey hey, what are you doing? What's going on with all the balls? You need to be with your team.

I'm not on the team. This is ball delivery. No, you came out with the doodlers. I saw it. Ball delivery is pretty good. Give me a persuasion roll with disadvantage. There's like going to be some football fan list in this podcast.

And just like fucking live it at how we're shitting on the american pastime yes all right i got a i got a 15 plus zero you got a 15 with disadvantage yeah because the other one i rolled a 16 the beholder goes ball delivery that sounds good yeah that makes sense thanks for coming in so soon we need some we need those. We were running short. That's great. Good to hear. You stay right there. Good.

Just in case they need them, you got them. Fantastic. Fucking kidding me. Okay. Okay, so what I'm going to do is for punting, the other team is going to roll athletics. So they failed. It goes to which side was Grant on?

Grant is left. Peyton's right. It veers wildly to the right and comes down on the 20-yard line. And Peyton grabs it. Yeah, baby. He fucking books it. And immediately, one of the Jellicle cats, like, skits, cats, cats, like, up to him, like, dancing the whole time. All of us are converging onto Peyton.

I'm assuming we're all converging at Payton to get in front of him. So basically the way that this works is when you want to tackle somebody, the aggressor is going to roll their strength. So you're going to roll and then add whatever your strength modifier is. The defender is going to roll their constitution. And if the defender is one of you guys,

you're trying to take the hit for Payton, essentially. The winner of whatever happens in that tackle situation loses a D2 of constitution and loser loses a d4 of constitution so as you play your stats are going to get worse and worse and worse until you get to halftime then maybe you rest yourself up a little bit okay well i think just to clarify on the kick i think the way it would work would be like once paid and gets it like the three of us are essentially in like a flying v in front of him okay great then the opposite team is basically going to do the same thing

and just come at you as one cohesive whole. First, the Jekylls one through three are going to try to get you guys out of the way and they are going to, oh, okay, one of them really fucked up. One of them did really, really well and one of them really fucked up. So who wants to take the first tackle?

Daryl. Daryl's up in front, arms wide. Give me a constitution roll. Actually, I said arms wide. He is crouched with his uh head up don't have your head down so don't break your neck leading with his shoulder oh that's right constitution saving is a plus six for barbarian so 12 plus six woof okay the jellicle hits you and you boom and you just knock him to the side and he falls down onto the ground

daryl feels more alive than he's ever felt this entire time. So seeing how easily you knocked away one of the Jellicles, one of the remaining Jellicles who kind of fucked up their tackle is instead going to take out a Javelin and is going to throw it at Peyton. Okay. Is there a possibility that I could like tackle this guy from the side? Because he does not know that I'm on the 50-yard line and, like, closer to him. Absolutely. Yeah, why don't you give me either a melee or a range attack?

It's up to you. I might just, like, reach out and trip him. Okay. In that case, give me a strength roll with advantage. Oh, no. It's a... Okay, I've got a six plus... Okay.

Holy... Plus one. You run up to try to grab onto his ankle and trip him. And you just glamp onto his ankle and then he just keeps running. And now he's just dragging you across the field with every step. He doesn't even seem to notice that you were there. And so he's going to throw his javelin. Oh, can I do something?

Yeah, go ahead. I turn into a giant bird and grab Peyton. Yeah, go ahead. I turn into a giant bird and grab Peyton. Okay, okay. So as they see you do that, he's going to change his name and try to hit you. Okay.

Jesus Christ. Druids rule in football. I like to imagine that Peyton is still like sprinting in midair, like thinking he's doing it. He believes he sprints so fast that he flew. Yeah, he's like, I'm flying, I'm flying. I'm so fucking good at this. Okay, so

it's definitely gonna hit you. You're gonna take 10 HP of damage. Okay. I can do that. I'm a trooper at that. And the javelin sticks in your chest

but you've definitely gotta hold on, Peyton. And Peyton's just like and he's still continuing to run as he goes through the sky and then all the other enemies are just going to look up and go jesus christ i'm sorry they're not gonna say jesus christ no i already stopped so people know jesus christ it's fine um so they're

all going to make ranged attacks on you the ones that remain that haven't already spent their tackle glenn with the paid and chucks wants to try and take one of them out before they can get a shot off so the other remaining jellicle cat you can go ahead and try to hit him. As I'm running up, of course, I'm going to flourish with the Pay the Chucks. Here we go. High risk, high reward. One second.

I'm not flourishing. All these fucking people like watching me, my fucking glory, this fucking move flourish number three, which is just over. Move very close. Just over. Very close. As I'm like running, I'm definitely having to hold out the Pay the Chucks. I'm. Just over. Very close.

As I'm like running, I'm definitely having to hold out the pain and I'm like stumbling a little bit and that first flourish goes a little bit. Like I can't,

can't leave it on that note. Another flourish. Natural 20. Yeah, baby. That counts as two flourishes. So that's three total flourishes. Yeah, it's a plus three to whatever your attack

roll is to hit. And I'm going to attack roll now on this Jellicle. Okay. And that is's a plus three to whatever your attack roll is to hit. And I'm going to attack roll now on this Jellicle. Okay. And that is a 12 plus three plus two. So that is 17. Fantastic. So are you hitting him to damage him?

Or are you hitting him to basically take him off his game so he can't throw the javelin? I'm going to hit him to take him off his game. So we'll just say that happens then. So you just right in his fucking face and he like throws the javelin, but it just goes a couple of feet in front of him and hits the ground because he's so completely taken off his game. So we'll just say that happens then. So you just right in his fucking face and he like throws the javelin, but it just goes a couple of feet in front of him and hits the ground. Cause he's so completely taken off of his game by the flourish of nunchucks. He was so distracted by the majesty. More like hairball.

Okay. So the scarecrow. Oh no, they don't even have, they don't have racist. Guys, we fucking resolved it. He just watched you fly.

So they literally just stand there and they just watch you take him to the end zone because they have literally no ranged attacks left. I want to now especially say that Henry turned into a giant eagle and this is literally just what everyone said Lord of the Rings should have been. Everyone's like,

why did the eagle just fly him straight to Mount Doom? He has to turn into a crow because those scarecrows can't even do anything. They're just like. So the beholder's like why do you think he will just fly him straight to mount doom he has to turn into a crow because those scarecrows can't even do anything they're just like so the beholder is like oh he could go all the way and then you come into the end zone and six points immediately automatically yeah we do everyone comes so now you have a choice you can either just take the free extra point or you can try to go for two points by doing a two-point conversion i mean dads we know that they can't catch us because i fly so why don't we go for two wait i think henry in bird form just beats this game henry just puts his wings

out around us and like brings us into a huddle and there's just a giant eagle in our huddle now and we go so guys um we're just gonna give the ball to henry right i mean grant you're qb you want to call the play what do you think we should be doing right now i think we should just i think we should just give it to him give it to henry guys hold on we're trying to like show off grant in front of yeet right like why don't i just fly grant into the end zone and grant can get one yeah that's like could you just keep could i can for me or i could pass you the ball i could i could throw to you grant what if it's like you hop up on my back

and you ride like an eagle into the end zone, you know, like one of those. Hell yeah. That's cool. All right, let's do that. Yeah, this is going to be fun. I like football. Okay, so here's what I'm going to do.

Just to prevent us from having to role play this out happening over and over and over again for four quarters, I'm going to give them 10 ranged attacks in sort of a montage form and if they manage to hit more than they miss then that means that they've actually done enough damage to sort of knock you out of bird form after you've gotten another like two touchdowns or something like that and if they can't i'm just gonna say you win i'm just gonna say yeah we just run the same play every time you just do the exact same fucking thing every single time and they're completely powerless at halftime the half the crowd leaves

to go to yeah they're like this is over do you want us to throw you into the montage with a little bit of like balls deep sports center here and then like we can do like a little all right here we go welcome back to balls deep sports center i'm hard rock big huge and uh we've got some highlights from today's match between the Doodlers and the Jellicle Cats. Looks like the game starts off really great, and oh, what's this? Druid Henry Oak turns into an eagle and flies Peyton into the end zone. Looks like this one's going to be a game changer.

Now this right here is something you've never seen before. He's going to turn into an eagle, fly right over him, and then hit into the end zone. We've been broadcasting for what, 10 years now? Have you ever seen anything like this? I've been broadcasting for 500 years. I'm an undying being who has existed since the dawn of this realm, but I've never seen action like this. Hi, guys. Reporting

from the sideline here. I've been on the sideline for 500 years as well. Make sure to tune in for CSI Miami after the show. Hey, it's me, the guy that sort of summarizes the way that the overall

sort of game went. To sort of simulate what a game might be, I always roll a certain number of dice at the beginning and I would say like, hey, if maybe

three to four to five of the ten dice that I rolled came up doing pretty well, I'd say that this was an actual game with some back and forth, some real excitement to it.

Only two of them cracked the 15 barrier. So that's eight dice were all sub 10 rolls. Very, very, very bad rolls. Wow. So yeah, this was maybe, maybe the most boring game of grab the ball, catch it, throw it, run it to the end of the other field

that the sport has ever seen. We have lost a considerable amount of fans just from this game alone. So we won. So you just won. You just completely invalidated the whole match. Henry, Henry, you crushed it. And you two grant everybody good effort from everybody.

Henry turns back into his normal shape out of giant eagle shape, and he's covered in sweat. And he's like, oh, boy, you know, I always thought football was kind of like a, you know, sort of toxic game, but like that was super fun. I had a good time. This is what football is like back on Earth. No, I mean, you've seen it.

There's no giant eagles. That's true. I mean, there is a team called the Eagles, though. Am I right? That wasn't that good. You know, that was OK. Never mind. And as you're like wallowing in the joke, not going well, Peyton goes MVP and dumps

the like bucket of healing potion on your head oh i probably need it at this point so i'm very happy to have that ron just pulls like footballs out of his shirt and stuff like that and just like holds them but they're not he's no longer trying to hide them yeah rod did he ever go on the field and he's just staying there as the ball point on the side i mean the only time he was on the field is when he was being dragged by that guyvelin guy. He's been dragged the whole time. He never let go. Yeah.

But the guy never knew he was there. It was so sneaky. He's like, I just felt really heavy. I just was really slow that game. So all of the celebration, all of the fun that you're having, at least for Daryl, is cut a little bit short when he sees the look on Grant's face. And you track that feeling back to a moment midway through the game. She's trying to block Henry from a javelin hitting him

and the javelin hit him in the arm. It was a scrape, but it took a chunk of meat out of his bicep. Oh my God. Meat, oh my God. Meat? Do we notice it? Not like literally like a handful.

It's just like, oh, he cut him and it bled a little bit and they had cure wounds to him and stuff like that. Okay. Meat's a strong word. If I said, said hey i cut my finger in the kitchen come off and me come on like jesus christ you go to the hospital yeah fair enough honey i cut my finger i would think there was a lot of problems and my meat came off in the montage there's this like scene where like i was like trying to like help grant because he was hurt you remember in return of the jedi when it's all that montage of all the fun and fighting and

then midway through they stopped to show exactly one ewok dying this is that moment of the of the montage so grant gets hurt and he falls to the ground and he's holding his arm daryl what do you do this is during the game yeah i mean i run over to him i go grant what's what are you okay oh my god i look at his arm. Is that meat? Is that meat? Grant, how's that meat, Grant? Grant, how's that meat? Grant, give me a meat update. Give me a meat date.

Pick up the meat on the way over to him. I go, Grant, you dropped some meat. Where did it come from? Try to put the meat back into the meat hole. Put the meat back in the meat hole. What a horrible word. This could be some real tonal whiplash. So Grant has this look of sheer surprise on his face.

And he looks down at the wound as it's bleeding. And he goes, I felt that. I felt it. I actually felt it. Well, yeah. I mean, I can feel it from here. That looks horrible. Are you okay?

He goes, no, no, it hurts and I don't like it, but that's something. That's something. I thought it would just be, I thought only Yeet would make me, but this did. But I can't do that. I shouldn't. I mean, I don't want, I don't like this feeling. So that's. Yeah.

Let's get in the game. Let's get in the game, coach. Let's go do the game coach hey Grant yeah let's talk after this okay focus the game the game but okay all right son let's let's get back

into it so after saying the Wilson family catchphrase we'll talk about this later she's like sorry for that weird little piece of the montage it was pretty exciting in there and I felt really unprofessional. There's like father and son were having a tender moment. We decided to put it on SportsCenter. Look at this great coaching from Wilson Sr. to Wilson Jr.

Wilson Jr. having an existential crisis on the play. Boom, gets them with a repressed feeling. Stuff's a right down and they're back in the game. You gotta love it when you see this kind of fatherly action on the field. Let's say that meat is cured. You know what it's like when you're depressed and you can't feel anything at all so even pain makes you feel like you're actually still alive and that's a toxic negative thing. You know what it is. We all know

what that's like, right boys? When your arm gets hit, the ball's not gonna go where you want it to. But with tough acting to nasty football Frank comes out after your insanely boring victory and goes like i don't know why nobody ever chose to turn into a bird i'm really impressed i'm so upset and i'm very impressed well done but yeah so we have some lodgings if your next game is going to be tomorrow it's going to

be for the championship i think depending on uh pretty short one tournament yeah it's every two weeks so yeah it's really quick. This seems like sort of like, you ever guys ever go to a roller derby league and there's like four teams? This seems like one of those situations. It's kind of one of those situations. But yeah, if you'd like, here's some vouchers for getting snacks

from the bar and stuff like that. But otherwise, there's some bunks down below. You can go sleep, rest up, take a nice long rest, get all your ducks in a row. And then tomorrow, I think the championship maybe. That could be good.

Could be fun, maybe. Wow. You don't know? You know you're not sure i mean this match that you guys just had was the opposite of fun frank is there like a manager or somebody we could talk to that might know actually what's going on here you can talk to the beholder he's the guy in charge yeah okay hey beholder yeah is it the championship tomorrow are we in the championships yeah why of course obviously okay well frank here doesn't seem to know. Frank, what the fuck? I keep telling you. Why don't you listen? I have a lot of things. I have to sign up all the teams

and I'm standing here. There's four teams. How many teams are there that we signed up today and we got to the championship? I'm trying to get the word out. I'm the street team as well. I'm doing a lot of things and I'm getting paid for one job. I feel like it's unfair and you're jumping on me. Now that I'm a champion, almost, do I get the shoe deal

and then the free massages and then the room service and Beats headphones? Hey, Ron, Ron, hi, it's Henry. I just want to like, you know, this is kind of my moment because I won this game, so I feel like if anyone's going to get a sweet sports deal, it would be

me. I feel like I've really tasted the heady rush of victory here and i frankly i like none of you are getting a sweet sports deal this was boring and bad no one wants to buy the merchandise of someone whose ability as an athlete is predicated entirely on their ability to turn into a bird excuse me mr beholder your league has three players before we showed up so i think you can cool it a little bit on your arrogance there i think i think i'm not being arrogant i'm calling it how i see it i was bored that's all i'm saying you need us more than we need you buddy i don't need you that bad half the people left that's true but we won and that's all that matters congratulations it was dull i'm just i'm just told them like i see him i'm a beholder i behold a boring team i was thinking for the shoe deal

that they could be like running shoes but they called them ronning shoes you never ran no one ever ran you would have to get flying shoes you could sell a jet pack i guess you call the shoes eagles by h and like that would be my sneaker line you know because that's something people do right i can go that's what i'm saying ronning shoes yeah we'll work on it we'll workshop okay all right well i guess we'll be back tomorrow beholder to win this thing okay i hope not who are we playing against by the way oh you're gonna be playing against the other team let's see oh the third team is the third team including us that's right grant we're gonna against. The third team, including us. That's right, Grant.

We're going to beat Yeet. And you know what? He's going to love it. That's how you impress somebody. I don't want to beat Yeet. Well, no. He wants you to play as good as you can. I guess.

Maybe. But I feel like I want to just not beat. Can we both win? Kate, can we both win? No. Okay, shit. No. A relationship. I know you guys aren't in a relationship yet, but when you get both win? No. Okay, shit. No. A relationship,

I know you guys aren't in a relationship yet, but when you get there, a relationship is built on trust and competition. It's a good way to build that trust. You don't want to underperform. That's an insane thing to say. That's a pretty weird thing to say, Daryl. What?

Excuse me? Me and Carol, we would play baseball. We'd have some fun together. The competition's how you find out. Really, just the two of you, huh? Playing baseball. Explain how the fuck that works. Base competition's how you find out. Really, just the two of you, huh? Playing baseball. Explain how the fuck that works.

Baseball's not a one-on-one thing, Glenn. It's a team thing. We're on different teams. But the point is, competition's a good way. It teaches sportsmanship. It teaches cooperation. It's how you get to know somebody. You know, and then if you're not into competition, though, yoga teaches a lot of that stuff, too, Grant. So, you know, you can get a lot of the same lessons, you know, by maybe joining like a theater troupe or like speech and debate.

There's a lot of good ways to you can build camaraderie. Yeah, you know, he was sitting around stretching his calves. But no, that dude is flipping skateboards left and right and throwing balls. Yeah, I don't know if competition is the way to like to someone's heart because I went on the date once in an escape room and like I set the record for that escape room and she never called me back. No, that's exactly the point, Glenn. You exposed your true self and you let her know who you were from the beginning. And that's why she didn't date you. That's so mean.

It's a good way to get to know somebody. I think the best way to get to know somebody is to hide your true self and then reveal it later. That's one way to do it. But then what if they don't like the real you, you know? Then they must be a cat person and not a dog person. What a callback. Did that happen to you, Ron? Oh, yeah, of course.

I mean, Samantha loves me for me, but she also loves me for the dog. Oh, that's right. Who I was pretending to be. The dog that would become the man. Well, that's right. Who I was pretending to be. The dog that would become the man. Well, that's very nice. That's one way to do it, I guess. You can just go to bed, you weirdos. Just go eat and go to bed.

Okay, so what, we all, we got a nice room? Yeah, you got a, yes. You have a nice room. I want to see the picture where we're at. What's going on? It's a locker room, but like instead of like those benches where you sit and change, it's like really nice comfy bed. Okay, so I like the locker room all right so daryl comes out of the steaming shower he's got the towel wrapped around him why because it's the end of a football game

daryl comes out sweat glistening on his titty I would put it out there that Henry is naked and soaking in that little tub that they have the little locker room tub for your aching bones Henry's like oh man and then he farts and like a feather comes up he's like whoops it's essentially that scene in Top Gun he's getting a sports massage

from like I don't know what's the like a bunch of different creatures just sports massaging him down he's like ah yeah just a bunch of small rats are running up and's the, like a bunch of different creatures that just like, just force massage him down. He was like, ah, yeah. Just a bunch of small rats are running up and down you doing like a ratatouille massage. Like a chubby coach ogre with like a big paunchy belly,

like rubbing icy hot on Glenn's back. I'm like, yeah, there we go. There we go. Ron is just buried in ice. It's just the head peeking out from a big mountain of ice. I feel like Grant is at the locker and then like the Jellicle cats are also,

they're like, you know, they're, they're getting there. They've locked their lockers up and they're getting ready to leave. Yeah. It's like the Top Gun scene. And I go, Hey, good game. Good game guys. Sorry. Sorry.

We had a big bird. And as they walk off, I opened my locker, which I guess I have. And I pull my pants out and I start putting my pants on and I sit next to Grant who I'm assuming is at his locker say hey grant grant is definitely staring at henry but yeah he's staring at henry yeah henry's in a hot tub henry's just in our line of sight yeah that's just that tub you know like you ever see in the movies they got the guy in the tub in the locker room yeah yeah yeah he's working on his muscles hey grant you want to talk about what happened back there uh no i'm good

i'm good we we won so i'm good well i know i know now i'm not talking certain about the the winning we we crushed it you did a great job we all did a great job no no just about mary henry but i mean it's been it's been a while we really haven't had time and you know i i know there's this thing going on but it just you've been hurt and then you just got hurt again. And, you know, I know the, the magic or whatever, kind of healed the wound pretty quick, like fricking Wolverine. But like, what's going on in here? Like I pointed out my heart, what's going on, you know, what's going on with you, kid?

Just, uh, nothing. Just, you know, uh, you get, get hurt on the field, kind of distracts you. So, you know, it's, it's all good. I'm good. Look, Grant, I, grant i i'm not good there's no way you're good right now like what do you mean you're not good i mean look where we're at like we're we've been away from mom for for who knows how long like we still haven't found a way out of here you guys almost died we've done some crazy horrible stuff has happened like you know i'm

glad we're all together it's we're making it through it but like it's it's a tough time right now and i can't even imagine what it'd be like at your age like you seem to be handling it you know better than some of the kids but i don't know i i know you're a sensitive kid deep down so like i feel like something's going on it doesn't seem like you're having a tough time um i mean you know i gotta no i'm it's you know i'm trying to put keep it together but like it's it's obviously tough right now but mean, you know, I got a, no, I'm, it's, you know, I'm, I'm trying to put, keep it together, but like, it's, it's obviously tough right now, but that's, you know, I'm, I'm more concerned about you right now. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, same.

No. So yeah, no, it's, yeah, I'm having, I'm, I'm trying to, trying to keep my eye on the ball, trying to keep the team together, you know? So no, I'm good. Yeah. But you're a kid. You don't have to worry about keeping the team together. You gotta worry about yourself right now. I can say the same thing to you, but you're a kid. You don't have to worry about keeping the team together. You got to worry about yourself right now.

I can say the same thing to you, but you know, so it's fine. It's really, I'm good. I'm good. I just want to jump into that, jump into that bath once Henry's done and just sort of soaking it. Look, I just want you to know, if you want to talk to me, I'm here. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Is it a little bit weird because we're in like a locker room?

Was this a weird place to kind of start this? No, it's, I mean, it's, no, it's, you wouldn't get it. It's fine. Whoa. If your old man wouldn't get it, come on. What wouldn't I get? Try me. Give me a persuasion roll with, no, I won't hit you with disadvantage.

Just give me a persuasion roll. I get 14 minus one. That's a 13. Ooh. If you got a 50, I was going to give it to you. Oh, God. Devastating. So he goes, no, it's really, I'm good.

I just want to focus on the game tomorrow. Get our bowl. And yeah, we'll be good. We'll be good. Good job, Dad. Thanks, Dad. Love you, Dad. Thanks.

Oh, I love you too, kiddo. We'll play. We're going to win. And we'll hopefully see what happens next. And we'll talk about this more, I guess. All right. Glenn is going to do a side combo with Henry. And then Glenn's going to be like, hey, Henry, man.

Oh, sorry. I nodded off in the top. God, that's really dangerous. I could have drowned. You know this, that something maybe is a little bit up with Grant there. Maybe it's a little bit up with Grant there. I have noticed that I feel like Grant is, to put it mildly, ever since he was teleported into the stomach of a hideous monster and then spun around inside him in a vortex of death and pain, he just hasn't quite been the same kid.

And I feel like maybe he's waiting for Daryl to get more vulnerable and open up about himself. And then maybe Grant will trust him to do that. Oh, fuck. I should probably tell that to Daryl to get like more vulnerable and open up about himself. And then maybe Grant will trust him to do that. Oh, fuck. I should probably tell that to Daryl at some point. We should have a, like a dad huddle. Yeah. Let's get, okay. Yeah. Maybe not like right now, but like, let's just put a pin in that. Let's do it right now. Let's do it right now. You know, I feel like I'm just kind of in the middle of a, just getting a Glenn, come on, be a bro. And then I stand up and wrap a towel around my waist and i walk over to darryl fine ron i motion ron hey darryl hey what's up hey man uh how's it where we don't

we're all just kind of wondering how it's going with grant right now i mean honestly something's bothering the kid i mean he's you know he's been upset since i mean he's obviously been a little bit different and he's having a tough time opening up about it. It is. I think it's going to take a little bit of work to get to him. Hey, Braun. Yes. Sorry. I'm pretty cold. I can't really.

I can't really hear. I'm just going to slide out of this ice. I was just saying you and Terry are like thick as thieves now, man. Like how you really think so? I know. At least thicker than you were previously. At least. Yeah.

I mean, he was. I mean, what happened there? It feels like, I don't know, maybe you could take some pointers, Daryl. Like, Ron seems to have figured something out. I mean, I mean, what's the, what did you guys get? I mean, I don't know what. Oh, I had nothing to say. I was just going to sort of make a noise that means that I support Daryl, but I also don't really know what he should do. Daryl, I say this with all the love in the world and not to backseat dad, but I feel like maybe maybe Grant would feel a little more open about sharing his feelings with you if you shared a little bit with him.

You know, like maybe he would feel safer being vulnerable around you if he felt like you were able to be vulnerable with him a little bit more. I mean, I hear you. I don't you know, I just think he's got it i mean i just talked to him i just said uh said having a tough time he needs to you know some kids need a little bit of need a little bit of time i mean i get that i just you know you don't need to make it all about him either you know like maybe you can just kind of tell him what's going on with you maybe open up your heart a little bit well yeah i mean i got stuff but like what that doesn't have anything to do with what he's going through right now i know it's not okay but it's like you know it might make him feel a little bit less

alone just to hear it you know like maybe guys like i appreciate it i'm trying but like grant he's a sensitive kid he's got a lot going on honestly i think something's really affecting him but like he's gonna take a little longer not every kid can like suddenly become a love wolf because you cast a spell or like you know forgive you because you almost killed them you know multiple times ron like some kids take a little bit more time like i don't know why you guys are coming at me here i'm not it's daryl no one's this isn't about coming at you this is a judgment free space anyway i i encourage you to think about it you know like you know maybe there's a it's just i i mean no no henry let me ask like what do you think should i I, what should, you know, he's 12.

He's has a boy he likes. He just killed an animal. What should I tell him? Should I say, Hey, Hey, you're your mom. And I might be getting a divorce. I'm having a tough time. Is that, is that like, are you guys that immature? Do you just tell your kids everything that's going on with you?

Like I'm like, what do you suggest? What should I open up about that? I'm not opening up to with them right now. Like, should I just tell him like, Hey, I don't know if we'll get home. And even if we do, your parents might not love each other anymore. Like, is that good? Is that something up to with him right now? Like, should I just tell him like, hey, I don't know if we'll get home. And even if we do, your parents might not love each other anymore. Like, is that good? Is that something we should tell him right now?

I mean, is there a way you could say it that you sounded happier about it? Well, not happier, but just like, like, but that's, but that's okay. Or what if you just told him it might not be okay? Daryl, I, I'm, first of all, I'm, I'm really sorry to hear you and Carol having trouble. That sucks, man. And, you know, anything we can do to be here for you in that, you know, we're here for you.

It's tough, man. I don't know. But I think he just, he, you got to find a way to, to connect with him on like, you know, by sharing something about it's tough man i don't know but i think he just he you got to find a way to to connect with him on like you know i by sharing something about you how you're feeling i appreciate you guys i didn't mean to get upset obviously a lot's going on i'm glad we can talk about right now i'm trying i think it's going to take more than one talk with them um again it takes some it takes some some time to but i don't think look i can tell him that I'm scared that we're not going to make it and stuff like that. But I think some of it is also like, we got to protect our kids.

And it's not about not telling him things. It's also just, there's some, like, even if I wanted to tell him about it, it's not fair to Carol. Like, I can't, it's not just me, right? Like, it's not just my decision. I hear you, man. Like, this kind of reminds me one time we were on tour. This was back in like 98 or so. We had this bassist, Diamond Dave. And Diamond Dave was just kind of reminds me one time we were on tour this was back in like 98 or so we had this bassist

diamond dave and diamond dave was just kind of trouble and we all kind of knew it you actually don't need to worry about talking to him because he's not even here who uh grant yeah what do you mean no i saw him go out that corridor down the hall don't ask me why i was following him i wasn't i was just looking for the vending machine uh and by the way does anybody have a hall, don't ask me why I was following him. I wasn't. I was just looking for the vending machine. And by the way, does anybody have a quarter? I don't know what the quarter system is like here. Where did he go? Oh, he went past the vending machine that I was going to go to,

and then he went out into the other locker room. Was Peyton with him? I'm right here, man. I heard everything. Oh, no. Damn, Peyton. For what it's worth, I'm kind of on a team hammer here. I think you got to be a little bit vulnerable every once in a while.

But yeah, what's going on? Wow. That's a lot for you to handle, kiddo. I mean, you always keep it together, you know? You're always trying to keep it together. And like, what if he wants his dad who doesn't always keep it together, you know? What if he needs it to come apart a little bit? I don't know.

I don't know. I'm just spitballing here. What's up? Peyton. Peyton. Why didn't anybody tell me that before? Are you fucking kidding me? Why didn't you listen to me you're not him he said the same thing hayden man this is why you're the champion payton no this is good i know i know i'm trying i'm trying man

sometimes you know you got it you get me i do we should probably go find grant yeah man if you guys don't mind i appreciate it i'm sorry let's go. Yeah. Daryl's just reminds me of this time. Diamond Dave, man. He was trouble. And you know, the thing is we all knew it and everyone knew that there was a real problem there, but no one wanted to say anything because we wanted to keep the band together. And that was kind of the most important thing. Yeah, definitely. Henry right now is like pretending like he's listening to Glenn, but he's like, do you ever like at work, you're making small talk with someone, but it's going on too long. So you kind of start slowly walking away. Like that's what Henry's doing right now is he's listening to Glenn.

And Glenn's like, you know, I think the lesson here is vulnerability is important, but so is honesty. Honesty is like, you know, you don't have to be fully honest, but you gotta be more honest than you are. Yeah, man, you gotta be honest. So, well, I'm going to just, uh. Anyway, Ron, I think you know what I'm talking about. I haven't been here for years.

It's just Peyton. He's like, you fucking lost me, man. Oh, that's all right, Peyton. I'll just start from the top. So anyway, Diamond Dave was this really big, burly guy out of Chicago. And we knew we had to do something about this. And it got so... It's night now.

And so just, you know, a couple of scant torches are sort of lighting your way. And before you can see anything, you hear the voice of Yeet Bigly going, Grant! Oh, man. Oh, yeah, okay, yeah, dinner. Sorry, I almost forgot. So basically you can see around the corner, Grant and Yeet get a couple of hot dogs and they just sort of sit on the stairs

leading up to the Coliseum. If you want to stay here and eavesdrop, you can. You'll get a stealth check with advantage on that, or you can go up and talk to them, or you can bounce. It's sort of up to the Coliseum. If you want to stay here and eavesdrop, you can. You'll get a stealth check with advantage on that or you can go up and talk to them or you can bounce. Sort of up to you. I'm going to eavesdrop. Oh my gosh, I'm ready for the tea. I walk straight up to them. Oh my gosh.

I walk straight up to them. I go, hey, hey kids, this one's on me. And I put a gold coin down. It's like, don't be up too late. I walk away. And he goes, hey mr w and grant's like thanks dad thanks yeah no problem that's a cool someone walking up a dad walking up and pulling out two thousand dollars so much money dude daryl's got rich dad energy right now and i go look man we're not gonna spy on them i don't feel comfortable like

listening to my kid talk to this kid like if that's the case then matt you should take your headphones off and anybody else who wants to eavesdrop can still hear okay so daryl walks so he's like i'm gonna go get some sleep yeah for sure i'll be right there daryl for sure i don't know why i'm telling you that i'll be right there when you go to sleep but from the fucking spa i of ready daryl turns around and goes uh you got your own route okay right yeah right right right right for sure daryl comes back and glenn is finishing up his story anyway that's how we ended up wanted in three states you know i mean you get you get what i'm saying daryl yeah all right i'm gonna go uh to bed um you know this place seems pretty safe i'm sure you know i

told them not to be out too late. Dang, that was a load off of my chest. I'm really glad I finally admitted all that to somebody. Yeah, yeah. I feel like I've really grown as a character. Yeah, me too. I'm glad I could get some stuff off my... I need to sleep.

All right, guys. God, I'm going to sleep like a baby. That's so much guilt, so much pressure on my shoulders these last 20 years. Daryl's already left. I'm glad you were there to hear it daryl back outside henry starts to feel guilty about spying on these kids so he's like uh ron i just can't do it i can't spy on daryl's kid that's weird i'm gonna go but like you know and for the record i disapprove of you eavesdropping but if you do eavesdrop fucking let me know what

happens i really i'm really invested in this. And then Henry walks away. All right, Ron, it's up to you. Do you want to eavesdrop or do you not want to? Okay, so Ron is obviously hiding, but sort of justifying it to himself by like, I'm going to pick a good snack

to eat tomorrow, but I'll pick it out tonight. It's like that thing where in movies where they want somebody to eavesdrop on information and get it, but they don't want to make them

seem like creepy pieces of shit, so they're just walking and they accidentally overhear this bullshit that's like super relevant i'm just like building up some plot armor you know like uh you know whoopsie heard that no okay fine fine ron intentionally and evilly eavesdrops on these children ron wants to find out what's happening with these two thirsty tweens exactly yes so give me a give me a stealth roll with advantage yes i get an 18 okay plus eight i could probably read their thoughts damn okay matt take your headphones off will and freddie have to take their headphones off too

it's just oh shit you're right because does ron tell us oh fuck god damn it everybody except for bet this is just me and Beth. Oh my gosh. This is a weird new art form where it's me talking to myself for an audience of only Beth. Yeah, I love this because I'm not going to listen this far of the episode.

So like next episode, we're all going to have to ask Rod what happened. Oh my God. And Beth's going to either tell us. You're going to have to get it from Ron. You're going to have to get a description of Mary.

I love that because then I'm going to be able to play with Grant like kind of only through what I hear from Ron. Okay, okay. Oh my God. All right. I take my, I'm going to be able to play with Grant like kind of only through what I hear. Oh, my God. All right. I take my I'm taking my headphones off to tell us in the chat when it's safe to come back. So you hear Yeet and Grant just chatting as they're eating their hot dogs and Yeet goes, what's going on, man?

You look a little bit like a little down, like from the first time I met you, you know? It seems like you've been kind of a little off. And Grant says, yeah, uh, yeah, ever since we, you remember the part when I went in the bear with the axe? Yeah, I remember that was fucked up. Yeah, yeah, it was. Ever since that, I've kind of felt, or I guess not felt is sort of more of the thing.

Like I kind of just don't feel anything all the time. Like I don't feel like I'm a person. But there are these little, these brief moments where something breaks through. Like when somebody hurts me or when i hurt somebody and i don't i don't it's this weird thing where like my brain i don't like doing them but it's like the only thing that's like hey you're still here uh and like hurting somebody or killing somebody it like just it's it's bad it's bad right it's bad it's the thing

we shouldn't want to do yeah you don't you't want to. Sometimes we have to, but it's not a good thing. Yeah, but it feels good to me in the moment because it makes this binary. You're here, you're not here. And if I could do that to somebody or if I get hurt, then it's like, I'm here. It's like this proof that I'm still here and that I'm real. And tears begin to sort of stream down his face. And he's like, wow, that's a lot. I'm really sorry.

Have you talked to anybody about this? There's just, there's nobody I can, there's really nobody I can talk to about this. The other kids are kind of, maybe Terry, maybe not. I don't know. What about your dad? Your dad seems like a nice guy. Yeah, no, he's, my dad's a nice guy.

He's really, he's smart and he's strong and he leads everybody. And, but he's never, whole time I've known my dad, he's never, he's never come off as like, I've never seen him scared. I've never seen him cry. I've never seen him, like he met my mom when they were in grade school. Like he just hasn't had the same kind of experience that I've had. He sort of got the thing that mattered the most to him early on in life. And then he just sort of, you know, sort of sort of sort of not want to say coasted because his life's been, you know, decently difficult, but, like, his dad was really good, and, like, I just, I can't, I can't really relate to him, and it feels like, I feel, I feel, like, embarrassed, like, talking about this stuff, or, like, the fact that I have, like, feelings for somebody,

or whatever. Oh, yeah, who do you have feelings for? Oh, um, oh, no, it's, it's, yeah, it doesn't, how are you? Okay, well, as long as you're here as long as you're you know gonna be doing the football stuff with us like you can always you can always hang out with me you can always chat with me you know like i'm happy to be here as your uh as your friend or

what have you oh okay like yeah as a friend could i kiss kiss you maybe? What? I'm not. I don't. I meant like it's just a friend. I'm so sorry. Oh, no, no, no, no. No, no, it's cool. Fucked up. And he tosses his hot dog down on the ground. And he's like, no, please don't.

I'm going to head back and go to sleep. So I'm sorry. But it. I'm gonna head back. I'm gonna head back and go to sleep. So I'm sorry. But yeah, I'll see you tomorrow on the field. He just starts silently sobbing to himself as he runs back to the locker room. And you can see he sort of stops outside the locker room and really quickly wipes all of his tears away

and then wipes his hands on his pants and then goes inside. Fuck. Oh, my God. Yikes, yikes, yikes. God. I yeah, I wish I hadn't heard it. I wish that. What happened?

I wish that Rhonda hadn't heard that. I wish that Ron... What? What happened? I wish that Ron hadn't heard that. Oh, no. So for Henry and Glenn and Daryl, you basically just saw Grant come back in and he just looks kind of tired.

He finds his bunk and he just jumps into it and pulls up his covers. Hey, Grant. Hey, good job, kid. It's not too late. You have a good time? Yeah. Thanks for paying for the hot dog.

You overpaid by like a thousand cases. Oh, no. A quiet hush slowly settles over the coliseum of balls deep. Forgot it was called that. Kind of ruined the tone. Kind of ruined the moment. And all of you fall into a restful and dreamless sleep. Until, as was the case earlier on in your adventure,

before you knew the people who had been screwing with you and your children's lives, you again find yourselves half awake in a dreamlike state with one another, and standing over you is the smirking, sadistic visage of Lily Stampler. Hey, guys. How about a quick down-huddle?

Ooh. That's our line. That's what we say. That's our line. I hate that. I hate that. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak.

Beth May as Ron Stampler and myself. Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. Theme song and outro is All Right by Maxton Waller. Thanks to Kyle Quigley this week for providing a name we use in this episode, as is his sovereign right as one of our Patreon supporters. Oh, don't believe me that we got Patreon supporters? What about people like Shane Michael Mills,

Korn Cobbington, Jacob Ruthier, Ethan Jarvis, Ronald Phillips, Andrew Gilman, Isaac Morris, John, J-O-N, like the Garfield owner, Raina the Human and Oscar the cat and CC Brandt, huh? People like that? Those kinds of people are what make podcasts work. You don't have to be left out.

You can get in on this. Get on that Patreon for ad-free episodes and weekly live listening parties, which is about the closest thing to a communal listening experience you will find for a podcast. We also got the Walter and Peyton Stretch Goal bonus adventure coming up soon,

as well as the Henry Oak Rocks Rock EP, which which will just finish writing and recording for this last weekend so that's getting mixed as we speak lots of cool stuff at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads oh and by the way if you want to see all the bonus content you can get access to you can find that on our website at dungeonsanddaddies.com under the podcast drop down click patreon content that's also by the way a really easy way to access all of your Patreon content. If you are a patron, there's merch there on that website, dungeonsanddaddies.com. You can find us on Twitter at Dungeons and Dads and Reddit r slash Dungeons and Daddies. Next episode coming out June 23rd.

Stay safe out there. We'll see you down. Never brought you down. I'm going to throw it right in that cat butthole. That's a fucking bullseye right there. It's like when you're throwing a ball through a tire in the backyard. Yeah, exactly.