Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 36 - Bowl Movement

Episode Date: June 23, 2020

The dads face Yeet and The Hottiez in the Supper Bowl finals.This episode contains profanity, sexual content, drug/alcohol use, violence towards children, and body horror.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Join our Facebook group!Check out the subreddit!Project DADGUT is the group transcription projectDM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. There's good throw the ball, catch the ball, run the ball with the field teams. There's great throw the ball, catch the ball, run the ball with the field teams. And then there's the doodlers. The doodlers. The doodlers. The doodlers.

I've been beholding the supper bowl for 300 years, and those fucking doodlers are the most disgraceful team I have ever seen. Love them or hate them, you've got to admit they changed the game forever. 20 for 20. So there I am, signing up four middle-aged dads for the Supper Bowl. Daryl Wilson, nice to meet ya.

Glenn Close, special teams. Henry Oak, I believe I was the safety. Hi, I'm Ron. A moody teenager. I'm fine. And a homicidal eight-year-old. I am not a roll bottle. I get paid I was the safety. Hi, I'm Ron. A moody teenager. I'm fine. And a homicidal eight-year-old. I am not a roll bottle. I get paid to brig the pain.

I said to myself, this is going to be the quickest game in Super Bowl history. And I was right. But not for the reasons I thought. Second down, Doodler's in possession. Wilson moving along the outside. Here comes the snap. And oh, Henry Oak just turned into a giant bird. Yeah, I just figured, hey, I can turn into a bird

and like fly over them. So we did that, and it worked great, and so we kept doing it, and we won the game that way. After about 30 minutes of that druid fella flying a ball back and forth, the crowd really started to thin. It was the most boring Super Bowl game

I have ever beheld. An absolute disgrace. I'm just glad it's over. All I want is to take a nice, hot eye bath and forget this ever happened. They're playing again tomorrow? God fucking damn it! Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, a true crime hybrid role-playing game podcast. Why did you start saying that? Yeah, I don't remember why it's true crime.

I don't get the joke, but it makes me laugh, which is weird. It's because everything we say on this podcast is audio crimes that will be persecuted for later on in our lives. So I'm just giving the fine folks, the prosecutors at The Hague, a little bit of help when they go and research through all this, when they finally put us all on trial. This is a podcast about four dads from our world flung into the Forgotten Realms in a quest to rescue their lost sons. My name is Freddie Wong.

I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bard of the group. This week's Glenn fact, since we're kind of in a sporting mood, we're in the midst of football fever. Glenn in high school played football. Oh, and if I played football, you mean sold weed to the quarterback of the football team. Nice. Weed and laser pointers were the two big money makers for Glennon High School. The cornerstone of any successful high school entrepreneur. One he sold to the cool kids and the other one he sold

to the cooler kids. I'll let you figure out which one's which, ladies and germs. True story, the quarterback at my high school got busted for smoking weed through his inhaler. That was how he rigged up like he could put a joint in his inhaler. Kids, don't do this.

Hi, this is Will. Oh, brilliant. This is Will Campos, aficionado of kids not smoking weed. Don't do this. But this did happen. But he did get caught. So that should be a lesson to you. Yeah, but he had it in his inhaler.

And it was like it went around. I don't understand how that even works. Was he he lighting it and then just like i don't know man i didn't know how weed works for all i know this was a total lie that someone passed off on me well was there still like albuterol in it because like i feel like that could fuck you up like if you're like a weed uterol i'm begging our audience to not do this. Without us. Don't do this without us. The second it came out of my mouth, hi, please don't smoke weed through your inhaler.

I was like, this makes no sense for the reasons you bring up, Freddie. Like it would like, there would be weed smoke pouring out of his inhaler. I think you were lied to, dude. I think I was bamboozled. I think that's what happened. Maybe, you know what?

Here's what it must've been. Your mom told you that, didn't she? No. She was like, are happened. Maybe, you know what? Here's what it must have been. Your mom told you that, didn't she? No. She was like, are you sure that friend with inhalers? I think maybe it was like he hit his joint in the inhaler. That makes more sense. That makes more sense. Maybe he didn't smoke it through the inhaler.

Because I'm like, did he just invent like vape before vapes happened? Like who is this fucking Elon Musk quarterback that you had that's going to make billions of dollars? My name is Matt Arnold. I play Daryl Wilson. I stay at home coach dad who becomes a barbarian in the forgotten realms uh speaking of the of the sticky icky and the and the good good green um simple dad fact for daryl his favorite sesame street character is cookie monster that's it yeah just pulling out there grants is grover what does that have to do with weed nothing green cookie monster's blue cookie monster loves to eat he gets the munchies he's got the munchies he's he's on he's on okay look what i've learned from my many years of podcast slash radio

is as long as you act like it's a smooth transition it feels like a smooth transition so it doesn't actually matter it's you know it's a question in their minds like oh what's this have to do about weed and then nothing but they're there matt why is that his favorite uh because he likes cookies it's also matt's favorite watching sesame he's such a complex character such a poor trip but grant likes grover which always annoyed daryl because grover's just dumb cookie monster he's just also a blue puppet that's not as big and doesn't eat cookies so he doesn't get a doofus. Grover is just dumb Cookie Monster. Grover's like indie Cookie Monster. I don't get it. I don't get it. If you like the blue puppet, like, like the big one that eats all the cookies. Like, why do you like Grover? Grover's the one that shakes their hand with like the

Secretary of State and stuff. That's boring. You don't understand Grover. Grover. Daryl doesn't. That's for sure. sure no neither of you clearly if you if you would even insinuate that grover is a lesser puppet than cookie monster i can't i'm not on board with that well i believe grover is actually played by frank oz like no grover is like one of the best performances he's frank oz literally portrayed him as like his puppet for a long time so but you know that's not daryl doesn't care about the behind the scenes he's like i don't get it do you think maybe daryl is just mad that grant doesn't like the puppet that reminds him of himself do you think that's maybe what it is yep daryl definitely will gets it daryl definitely sees himself in cookie monster

and it's like oh my son doesn't like the me puppet. This hurts me deep down. That's so suffocating. That is so crazy codependent. That's nuts. I mean, he doesn't read it. Also, Grant's favorite puppet is not Grover. It's actually Snuffy, but he didn't want to come off as a downer

when Daryl asked him. So he's like, uh, uh, uh, Grover? Fucking guest. It sounds like Daryl is a puppet of his own emotions here. Dang. Oh, dang. Well, see, there was a complex character backstory there. We teased it out.

A lot to do with weed, baby. All right. Found it in the room. Hey, everyone. My name's Will Campos. I play Henry Oak, hippie, crunchy, munchy, Birkenstock, rocket, granola, druid, nature, druid, hippie dad of the dads. Birkenstock rocket granola druid natured druid hippie dad of the dads and uh my Henry fact this week is that Henry smells amazing right now because he finally took a bath and he realizes

that he smells good I think usually like Henry's approach to bathing is just like when it happens it happens right like you know like he goes through his life and manages to in his opinion bathe enough but he definitely has not been bathing that much since getting to the Forgotten Realm so he got a funk going and I was also thinking that like Henry felt really good after the match so he decided to treat himself to a little like whatever the Forgotten Realm shampoo is

and so he like he put some goop in his hair and finally washed that tangly mane of blonde hair out and his hair is like just like this I feel like it's like mega poofed out in this episode. I just want to say that Henry's hair is like bright yellow, the color of the sun. And it is just the frizziest ball of hair you've ever seen in your life.

That's where he's at right now. He probably didn't realize it was blonde before. He thought he was dirty blonde. And no, he's just platinum blonde under there. But he dirty. I feel like the Forgotten Realms shampoo are just like a bunch of frogs that are hopping around the showers and you just pick them up and like rub their secretion off on your hand and then rub it in your hair that's exactly

what it was and the frog smelled like eucalyptus and yeah exactly scalp is all tingling and it may have been poisonous speaking of poisonous hi my name is bet Beth May and I play Ron Stampler, emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. So today's dad fact is a fact of clarification. Just want to say that Ron did not murder his father. I mean, I don't know. Maybe I'm ruining the podcast by saying that. But yeah, like I just. There's reasonable doubt that he didn't.

Maybe. Yeah. There's like needs to be a true crime documentary spinoff. If Freddie is so desperate to turn this into a true crime. He didn't intentionally kill Willie. We need the staircase for Ron versus Willie Stampler. I like that your fact was just to put a point on it. That's like you did not murder. like that your fact was just to put a point on it that's like you did

not murder and all we did was just confuse everybody and make jokes about how maybe he still did murder so we undid everything i feel like i just i from your perspective then what exactly happened i think that it might come up so i'm going to keep that okay so it means he said as a way to excuse herself from improv. Ron's going to start walking and his limp is going to disappear. It's like J.J. Abrams saying that fucking Benedict Cumberbatch isn't Khan,

right? He's not Khan. He's a totally new character. Yeah, he was Khan. You guys figured it out. But I still think you're stupid, so I was just going to say it. You did it. You opened my mystery box and found the fucking secrets therein. That kept happening for a while. Do you remember when Christopher Nolan got caught with that with Joseph Gordon-Levitt

and fucking Talia in the same movie? Is she Talia? He's like, no, shut up. Is he Robin? Is he Robin? Fuck you. He's not Robin, you idiot. Shut up.

I was like, oh, shit. I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your daddy master the dad fact for this week is that joffrey from game of thrones is in batman begins that's right wait what really he's commissioner gordon's kid oh what before i knew that this was joffrey's actor whose name i don't know i'm sorry um it was my sister and i's favorite part of the entire fucking movie in the third act when everything's going crazy and there's fear talks in everywhere this kid's like i can't find my dad to like a cop looking person and the cop is actually one of raz al ghul's goons and he just grabs the kid in the face and just

shoves him really hard and then uh katie holmes is like hey and then the guy just points at her silently and katie holmes shuts up and it's like weirdly aggressive and like nonsensical but if you go back and watch that scene that little kid that's like my mom is is joffrey that sounds like a good thing to watch with that gladiator scene the horse scene it's like a good double feature good double feature it's an apparent tea for watching a child gets trampled why are you guys watching these two movies well how does this double feature work well you see in both movies the kid gets fucking block rock they're both three hours long we're both watching them for 130 seconds where a child gets hurt.

Last episode, you all went to the town of Balls Deep where they run a bi-weekly supper bowl where the best team that plays catch the ball, throw the ball, run the ball across the field

gets a prize of either cash money or a magical bowl that nobody ever actually takes because it's basically worthless. You showed up, you had a bunch of soda, you met a problematic female character. This podcast is so stupid. I'm about to walk away.

It's a very bad podcast. You guys are in balls deep, you're on a supper bowl, you guys had soda. Okay, keep going. I'm like losing my mind here okay if this is someone's first episode we've lost them like this is not a good first episode honestly nobody should ever listen to this podcast yeah and then you played some football immediately invalidated the entire game of football by having ten return into a bird and fly the ball into the end zone over and over

and then as you were celebrating... Henry took a bath. Henry took a bath. Grant went out and talked to Ye Bigley, the quarterback of the opposing team that you're going to fight this week, the Hotties, and had a little conversation with him. And it went great.

As far as I know, it was terrific. I still haven't heard it. Only Ron heard it, and in real life, only Beth and Anthony and Freddie have heard it. And Will read some passing spoilers about it on Tumblr. Okay. Tumblr. I didn't go to Tumblr.

What are you doing on Tumblr, Will? Picking up on my show, Freddie. What the fuck do you think I'm doing? Speaking of Tumblr, baby, I don't know where this started, but baby, it's a hot Glenn summer. I've been loving all of them hot Glenn kids. Hot Glenn's taking over hot Daryl for sure. There's a lot more hot Glenn. I should just say that.

Be like, no, no, no. Glenn is just dad bod. Just hard dad. Everyone's putting them with the, you know, the fucking. Yeah. I like. V for Vin daddy. All right.

And basically as you. V for Vin daddy. all right and uh basically as you it works because he's just explaining things like a dad but aggressively so everybody went to sleep long rest several long rests everybody long rested you get all your health and all your spell slots back and everything like that. But then when you went to sleep. Do we level up? Nope. Did Henry level up for doing a good job in the football game? Uh-huh. And then everybody went to sleep.

Your sleep was interrupted by the familiar visage of Willie Stampler, who has appeared in your dreams and said, how about a dad huddle? Oh shit, that's right. I forgot about that. Oh man, what a twist. I'm back in the moment. Hey, fuck you, buddy. Dad huddle is our thing. Yeah, we have a dad huddle? Oh shit, that's right, I forgot about that. That's right, I forgot about that ending. Oh man, what a twist. I'm back in the moment. Hey, fuck you, buddy. Dad huddle's our thing. Yeah, we have a trademark on this. Yeah,

get out of here, Willie. We know who you are now. Wake up, wake up, wake up. We don't care. We don't want to talk. Glenn, do that poop thing again. Show me your butthole, Glenn. Get this guy out of here. You keep showing the butthole as if that's dunking on me. I don't care. It feels like it's more dunking on you to show me your butthole. I'm embarrassed on your behalf.

Well, you're a butthole, so it's just a face-to-face meeting. Well done. Well done. So I just want to give you guys a quick update. I grab my cheeks and talk as if Ace Ventura's on it. How do you like this? Huh? How's this going?

Huh? Look at me. I'm Willy Shabler. I'm a Willy. Willy, Willy, Willy. Hey, sorry, guys. You had to see that. Willie starts laughing.

He's genuinely a little bit delighted by that. But he says, you're doing pretty good. I feel like you're headed for the best case scenario for any dad. We all know what the best case scenario for any dad is. What do you mean by that? That's a weird thing to say. No, no, no. He wants you to ask that, Daryl.

We don't care what you think being the best dad is, sir, because you are a bad dad. It seems like you were really mean to Ron, and that sucks, and you should apologize to him, you jerk. Done? You'll figure out what the best case scenario is. I heard you're playing football. You running any fun plays doing a pass fake?

I love a good pass fake. No. What? I don't know football. What's a pass fake? It's where you pretend like you're going to pass, but you do a run. I'm not an idiot. A fake pass?

You can write that one down. You can use that one. It'll be useful for you. Anyway, I'm not here to make a deal with you. I'm not here to do the negotiation thing like I did before. I know we're well, well, well past that. I just wanted to ask you just a quick question. You know, no.

I mean. No, no. No, we don't. No, we don't. We don't care. You know? It. I mean, no, no. No, we don't. No, we don't. We don't care, you know? It's about Peyton. What about Peyton? Daryl, don't.

Who do you think gave him that Charleston chew? And as he says that, Daryl, in your stomach, you feel an intense pain. What? What? Your fist is inside of your stomach, and it just grabs you from the inside and just clenches as hard as it can and you feel your insides being torn up and you wake up and the pain doesn't go away it's like the worst indigestion you've ever had times 10 and all of you spring awake uh by the sound of daryl screaming i was about to do what i normally do with food

poisoning which is quietly go to the bathroom so nobody can hear me and then go ahead and pinwheel in the bathtub from all my orifices so that's what i was about to do right now but i guess everybody wakes up at the same time yeah i suppose so i want you to roll constitution roll stealth no no problem just ate something not a big deal uh the royal constitution i get plus six okay so let me just do my math here plus six on a two carry the one that's an eight okay so you start vomiting blood oh my god daryl oh god oh this is the chew will he poison me one second and i cast lesser restoration on daryl okay what does that do you touch a creature and end either one disease or one condition afflicting it the condition can be blinded

deafened paralyzed or poisoned so i think this would count as poisoned so i'm gonna try to cure his poison you can try to use it yeah you'll have to spend the spell slot and everything but okay it doesn't work if you want to roll arcana maybe maybe you'll know why. Can we do a one-shot that's just like House MD in the D&D universe and all this guy does is just, I cast Cure Wounds and he just goes around

and that's all he fucking does. It's just every single thing. He brings out the fucking big, the white poster board and he just writes Cure Wounds on it with a question mark. Oh my God, that's so good.

And he's got to be such a toxic fucking asshole and everyone's too stupid to realize that he should cast cure wounds. And everybody comes up like, House, you can't just cure wounds on whatever sick patient comes into the clinic. Well, yeah, I can. You know what, Dr. House? Why don't you cure the wounds on your own heart?

Doesn't seem like your spells reach that deep. And then they have sex. Yeah. Nice. Okay, Arcana roll, you said? Yeah. I think I can use whatever spell I need to to cure any wounds, so. I am an American person with an American accent.

I am an American. They're all like, vomit some more blood. He's like, guys, this is all really funny, but. Hey, Glenn, knock me out. What? Make me go back to sleep. Put me back to sleep. I always knew candy was going to kill me.

Ron, I need you to put your head down between your legs and like hyperventilate. Okay. And then stand up really fast. Okay. And then Glenn does that thing that like some kids did at like my grade school, which was stopped by the administration where people hyperventilated. Then they stood up and then like you pinch you pinch their arteries for like 10 seconds, and they pass out.

Oh my god. Yep. Okay, so do I pass out? I feel like, yeah, because you're doing that consensually, you don't have to roll for anything. So yeah, you pass out, and you're once again back with Will, and he goes, oh, okay, so you're back. What's up?

I figured, well, maybe I was the one you really wanted to talk to, and now there's nobody else here here so it's just you and me so you could you could tell me uh what you did to daryl yeah no i would love to oh no the the connection it's it's so bad i can't it's so funny i can't even no i can't see oh hey somebody who's made several phone calls i've made several phone calls here and there was no connection issue and uh i know that you're here and i'm hello hello he's like frozen in place for a second like a connection that got lost on a zoom call and then he just sort of disappears and you're just alone in the darkness it's just black text and white letters that just say reconnecting yeah zoom jokes yo but yeah, no, he's gone. Okay. And you wake back up.

Ron, Ron, what did he say? What did he say? He said, get well soon. He said, he didn't say anything, Daryl. This is it. I'm going to die, guys. No, you're not going to die. Don't wake up, Grant.

Don't wake up, Grant. Just tell him I love him. I'm going to just, I crawl in the corner. I say, just don't watch me. Don't look at me as I die. Daryl, you're not going to die, man. I start vomiting in the corner. You got to be strong, okay?

So as you say, don't wake up, Grant, you turn and you notice that Grant and Peyton are standing there just looking at you and Peyton's going, oh no, did I do it? I didn't mean to do it. I'm so sorry. And Grant's looking at you like, are you okay? And he's like kind of panicked coming up to you and trying to dab the blood off of your chest.

And he's like, it's OK. It's OK. It's OK. I kind of put myself up. I'm like, boys, you got to give him some space. Just give us some room, OK? Give us some air. I'm a druid.

I can handle this. Yeah. Oh, I just I just spilled some Kool-Aid. I'm totally fine, guys. And then I just tip over. I start vomiting more. I'm fine. I am going to try to cast Cure Wounds on Daryl.

OK. I'm like, which spell slot do to cast cure wounds on daryl uh okay i'm like which spell slot do i want to burn on saving this man um i'm gonna cast that's the primary drama of house it's like he has only so many you've only got three third level spells left and it's the first act i've already used two of them this thursday on fox house only has three spell slots but four patients need his help. House forgets what V stands for as far as spell components go, and he can't do it. Oh.

Because Henry's really concerned, I cast my third level Cure Wounds on Daryl. It's a 3d8 plus three. Did you give me an Arcana roll? I did. I got a 10, so I figured that didn't cut it. I got a 10. Yeah, okay. That's no good.

You cast Cure Wounds, and the blood stops spewing out of Daryl for a second. I did it, he's okay. Oh, what a relief. I still feel terrible, but I'm not spewing. It feels good. It's okay, Grant, your dad just ate something bad. Are you sure? I mean...

It looked very bad. It felt bad. I mean, you see, look at all the blood. blood if you remember daryl doesn't like blood and i get woozy and i just sit down on the bed i put my head between my legs oh god i'm patting daryl on the back it's okay man just take a second all right hayden where did you get that charleston shoe i just sort of had it in my pocket i just sort of remembered like i had this feeling like, oh, Daryl would like this. Like when I gave it to him, you know, several episodes back, I just sort of as far as I can remember, I always had it in my pocket. I never felt like the right time to eat it, even though it looked delicious.

I'm glad you didn't need it, man, because Daryl's a big dude and this still messed him up. So like when I was when I was six years old, I ate too many of my of my peanut butter cups, and I threw up all peanut butter all Christmas, and I couldn't eat peanut butter for like 20 years. Ron, your dad? Yep. He fucking ruined Charleston Chews for me, man. This is it. Oh, no. I fucking hate your dad.

I hate your dad so fucking much. My favorite candy. I can't get the taste out of so I fucking hate your dad I hate your dad so fucking much my favorite candy I I can't get the taste out of my mouth I just start spitting oh god so Grant's looking at you with like this horror he's never seen you in this situation before you hear a knock on the locker room door and the door opens and you just see the bottom half of an eye and a big mouth and it's the beholder. And he's like... I don't know why that got me. That's so fucking funny to me. Wake up, turds.

It's about time for kickoff. Y'all ready? You ready? You good? We need a sports medicine doctor in here. You could be a little bit more respectful to the freaking star team calling us turds. You're a turd. I mean, you're definitely not the favorite.

Hey, Daryl, save it for the field, buddy. We've got a sick player. We've had sort of like an eldritch candy emergency, and we're going to need just like a couple of minutes to deal with the situation, then we'll be right out. Do you have a medical degree, beholder? No, I don't. Why would I?

I don't know. You got a bunch of eyes. So he respects you enough to think maybe you have a medical degree. Why are you acting like that's an insult? Be on the field in five minutes, you turds. Bye. We need a doctor. We need a doctor.

Send us a sports doctor. We don't have sports doctors. You should have one on your team. Every team should have a cleric. You said that there was all kinds of potions. It's a potion. That's right. There's potions.

Wait, I run over and I run to the sports drink section that they talked about that we could drink to hydrate up and heal ourselves at halftime. You said that last time. Yes. What are the sports drinks? I want some brands of sports drinks. Okay. So one of them is haterade and it increases your damage output for the next half. One of them is gatorade, but it's A-I-D and it's just a healing potion. All right, I run back with Gatorade and I bring it to Daryl. I'm like, Daryl, chug this. This should make you feel a little bit better.

Yeah, electrolytes. Do they have a Pedialyte? This one's red. I don't know what flavor red is, but it's red. All right, I drink it. Okay, so as you pour it into your mouth, the liquid sloshes into your mouth

and then sort of solidifies into the shape of a small alligator and it's like tap tap tap tap tap like runs down your throat scurbing around it's a living and then it gets into your stomach and you hear i guess the rest of you hear from daryl's mouth you hear uh an alligator's voice going oh shit what the fuck and then you hear from Daryl's mouth, you hear an alligator's voice going, oh shit, what the fuck? And then you hear a loud slam and then a splash and you feel like whatever this gator aid creature was that was inside you has discombobulated into liquid.

A stern look comes over Henry's face and he says, this foe is beyond any of you. This will require the power of herbal nature tea. And so Henry is going to use his nature skill to brew up a gut cleansing, hardcore nature brew tea. And he's like, Daryl, this is the tea I use when I've accidentally had something with meat in it and it fucks up my digestion for a week. This shit will fucking cleanse out the surliest butt and gut system

of the gnarliest human being alive. I promise you. I don't like that. We're gonna take that Charleston chew and we're gonna fucking destroy it, my friend. Gut health, man. Gut health is important. Get over, Benry. I'm good. Sorry. Let's do it.

Okay, so I get a 16. So basically, I scour strange little bits of grass from outside i use like a little bit of the runoff from henry's bath water there's like a mushroom growing in one of the showers and i scrape that off yeah i've got a couple loose tea leaves that have been in my pocket the entire time i thought you said loose teeth no teeth yeah oh yeah no i find a couple loose teeth i throw them in there, and then I burn it under a super intense flame, and then like a pungent, frothy brew comes burbling out, and I give it to Daryl, and I just say, plug your nose and drink this, man.

Give me a constitution saving throw, Daryl, as you drink Henry's secret stuff. 12 plus 6 of 18 you feel as basically a dragon ball z fight is happening within your gut of the like holistic herbal crunchy munchy nature of the herbal tea that henry has just poured down your throat i don't know why but in my mind he swished around his mouth and then spat into your mouth like a baby bird i'm not saying that's what happened i'm just saying that's what i think happened that's my au i've been just saying that's what I think happened. That's my AU. I've been picturing the whole time the scene in Army of Darkness

where that tiny ash crawls into Ash's mouth and he like pours the scalding hot water down his throat. Yeah, it's basically fighting whatever the hell this creature inside of you is. And you feel slowly that Henry's herbal tea is actually winning and it's pushing the creature further and further

down your digestive tract. Sounds like a political discussion at the dinner table. Am I right, fellas? I put my ear up to Daryl's tummy and I hear it rumbling and I go, he's going to blow! Clear the room! And then I start rushing Daryl to whatever the Forgotten Realms toilet is. This is our chance, by the way.

It's only the chance we're going to have, I think, in this whole campaign. We could try and figure out a way to shrink ourselves down and have an inner space episode. It's like a one shot. You're right. Oh no. Our time shall come again. I don't know if we're ever going to feel like,

could you imagine the derail? People would be livid. It'd be like, all right, here comes part two of the football thing. Can't wait to see what they do with Grant's trauma trauma and then it's just like the entire episode is spent inside daryl's butt okay so what happens i mean it seems like i don't have agency here so what happens to my body it's up to you like do you want to let it out or do you want to hold it or do you have a

choice i mean if it's coming out yeah i guess i i mean if it's anything like food poisoning what you're describing it feels like it's just coming out so blue yeah no it's it's not great i want to off screen the majority of it but like before you run into a stall here's what happens is me and daryl run into the bathroom and then it's like in a movie when a woman's giving birth and they just cut it's just glenn and ron like pacing around outside wiping their brows and like we need hot water and then i run back in and then like about two hours later i come out and i'm just like we just missed our game because we had to be on the field yeah the boulder comes back he's like you guys forfeit it's like the scene in bridesmaid but instead of being cowards and

hiding it under the dress i just trip and i just my butt is in midair and I just fountain all my. You said you want to have it off screen, but you all kept talking. So that's what happens now. I trip on my face and I let it all out. Oh, no. Well, you're wearing your pants at the time. So I'm desperately trying to pull my pants off and I start crying. I'm like, oh, God, I'm trying to pull my pants off. And so, Grant, like your your face is below the bottom door of the stall,

so you're, like, actually visible as you're crying and in all this pain. And Grant's like, Dad, are you okay? Like, genuine concern in his voice. And he's, like, reaching out to, like, grab your hand. He's like, Dad, Dad. Don't touch anything. Please look away. I love you too much. Please look

away. You don't want to see this. God, don't see this. No, it's okay. I'm here. This is, nobody, your mom, nobody should see this. Oh, God. I'm, like, still trying to pull my pants down, but it's just too late. It's just, like, a big, big soggy bag

and I'm just curled up. No, no. I said I wanted to go to the off-screen. Oh, God. It's a podcast, Anthony. There is no screen. No. So do we have, like, an understudy or something that we can put out on the field while this is going on? I mean, I feel like I'm worth two players, but I'm also not a bird.

You guys play without me. Just look away i'm just gonna go that's okay i'm gonna go clean up i just take all my clothes off and i just start walking towards the shower which is canonically the way that loves to go to the bathroom yeah just don't look at me can i just go to rinse myself do i feel better uh yeah yeah you do that work but what i i shudder to even consider asking this question but did whatever was inside come out and is it a thing like is it a beast what manner is it like dream catcher i mean we're going full-on cthulhu with this thing if you look you are going to take some untake backable sanity damage i'm screaming on nobody to look i'm like

don't look i'm like dear god don't look please i don't know what the geography is but i feel like the beholders come in to check on us and i'm just walking past them like completely naked and covered in my own filth i'm just like you're gonna need to clean up back there i just keep walking towards the shower you know what's great about this episode this episode is a great way to just wipe the internet clean of all fan art forever from this show because everyone's done now right no one's gonna fucking touch this show anymore. Okay, so the beholder comes back and he goes,

Are you guys done with your students? Come out. It's time. They're playing your song. I come out with a towel wrapped around myself. I'm like, alright guys, nothing happened. We're good to go. Wait, are you wearing a jersey? Well, I have to go to the locker to get my jersey. His jersey says number two on it. Anton Chekhov spinning in his grave.

I put my jersey on and I, hey, beholder man, you got any, where can I get extra pants? I lost mine. Hey, Daryl, welcome to the club, my man. We have spare pants, obviously. Do you want some? Yes. Okay, so we're waiting for the pants? Sure.

Okay, I kind of put my legs up. I kind of get in that talking crouch. I'm just like, hopefully he'll give those pants. So, hey, guys, thanks a lot. Sorry, I felt sick back there. Hey, Grant, how'd the date go last night? We got some time. I just want to see what's going on.

I feel like there are more important things. Let's talk about it later. All right, man. I just, you know, I got no pants on. Waiting for pants. No, I'm aware. I'm, yes. No.

No, no, no. It's fine. I'm fine. Well, hey, gang. Today's a new day. We got some more sports stuff to do today to figure out this dang anchor thing so we can go home. Let's play this dang game, all right? Hands in the middle, doodlers.

Three, two, one, doodlers. Doodlers. The beholder comes back and goes, and spits out a bunch of pants onto the ground. He goes, put your pants on and come out. It's starting. It's happening now. Go.

Let's go. Okay. I'm going to watch you do it. Go. I put pants on. As everyone's going out, Henry says, Oh, shit, I forgot my jockstrap. One second, guys. And I turn back in do it. Go. I put pants on. As everyone's going out, Henry says, oh, shit, I forgot my jockstrap. One second, guys.

And I turn back in the room. OK. A look of steely resolve falls on Henry's face as he looks at the bathroom stall. Oh, no. And he plugs his nose and he steals his nerves and he enters. Because someone must face this darkness. This is vital insight into our mortal enemy. That's a good point.

Henry is going to look at the weird Charleston Chu demon that Daryl pooped out. Okay, so give me a wisdom saving throw with disadvantage. Okay. Should have used my inspiration here. Too bad for that. Hey, Anthony, will the beast seal janitors have to roll wisdom? Yes. Oh, no.

You've ruined the entire janitorial system of this stadium. I think it's tough to blame me for what happened. I got an 11. Ooh, okay. So an 11's not going to do it. Oh, no. So I'm trying to think what's a good punishment.

Hmm. Henry, what you see in there defies description it beggars belief and yet in some way it is ever so slightly and this is the worst part ever so slightly familiar to you oh what we've all we've all had food poisoning before guys there's something you recognize in the horror that you face, in a horror that seems to completely fail to make any sense and shape that your brain could comprehend that will stick with you probably for as long as you live. So from now on, anytime you want to make a nature check or a wisdom check or anything that involves looking beyond the veil of the material world you're going to do so at disadvantage because you know that in

the veil beyond this world there lie horrors much like the thing that you've just forever wait that's what he saw that's what he saw in my business? Yeah. Okay. Henry, I guess, just backs away and closes the door and says, somebody light a match. No, I don't say that. Do not go in there. Woo! Outside, there's like two Kenku who are about to get a tutorial staff going.

Hey, excuse me. To the Kenku, I tear off two strips of cloth and I say, shield your eyes and then i walk away great you come out onto the field and the beholder goes up to his usual spot above the field how's attendance today attendance today is very bad because of the bird debacle yeah there's a paper banner that somebody's holding that's basically blank that like two little goblins are holding if you want to run through that. I want to roll to run through the banner. Okay.

Roll that stare to see if you'd be the first one through. Because Peyton's also booking it. Oh, yeah. Good point. Ten total. I got a 19. Oh, my God. Okay. Well, Ron definitely goes through the banner first. High speed, low drag. Yeah. So the beholder says, And so challenging

is the doodlers Everybody You can clap for them or whatever And no turning into a bird this time That's boring I don't want that anymore But you said there's no rules Yeah but I'm making a rule that says I don't want You can do it but you won't like what happens

After that because I don't like it So just to clarify though no turning into a bird No turning into a flying thing That then takes the thing into the end zone. Shut up, Daryl. Shut up. Shut up. Stop asking him to clarify. The more you ask him to clarify, the harder it's going to be to work our way around it. Okay, we won't do anything that's flying. I'm begging you to stop. Why are you saying flying? Why are you like winking and sort of nodding at everybody else when you say flying? I don't like that.

That's my favorite part about football games is when the players on the field take a second to talk to John Madden. Like, they have a full conversation right before the fucking kickoff. And also, the people you actually enjoy watching, the hotties! And then you see Yeet Bigley and Kilo DeMall run out,

and they are followed by the rest of the team, which you had not seen previously, which are a dog that's completely on fire, a very large purple spider, a giant shark with a helmet that is filled with water, and then a flaming skull that's just kind of floating about three feet off the ground. Hey, he's flying! He's flying!

He's floating! He's floating three feet off the ground. Hey, flame skull, go as high as you can go. And he goes, and what, sir? And he goes, and he can only get about four sir? And he goes, eh, eh. And he can only get about four feet high. He goes, this is as high as I go. I don't know why you were making me do this in front of all these people. It's embarrassing.

Oh, Flameskull. Hey, Henry, looks like floating's okay, though. Huh? Just coming out there, floating's okay. Sure, whatever you say, man. Sorry. Henry's, like, got a a thousand yards dare still from his curious case of the poop in the bathroom daryl why don't you roll a perception okay that is a

natural 20 wow okay so you can tell as yeet comes out grant looks at you and their eyes actually meet for a second and then grant gets super red and embarrassed and yeet kind of just grimaces and looks away really quickly. I walk over to Ron and I whisper and I go, Ron, you saw what happened last night, right? Yeah, I did. I was actually at the vending machine and I got you a little something, buddy. Something I think you might like. And Ron pulls from somewhere, somewhere on his person,

a big king-size thing of Charleston shoes. Oh, God, no. Roll constitution with disadvantage, Daryl. You didn't think I'd remember, did you, buddy? Ron, put that away. I'm a growing person. I'm learning, and I'm appreciating my friends more, and I'm taking things in and remembering what you like. He's, like, waving in front of me as he says.

Henry rushes. I was like, Ron, that's so awesome that you remembered that. I did. I remembered. There's so many things that I didn't remember, but I remembered that Daryl likes Charleston Chews. And last night I was at a vending machine and I was listening to a conversation

that I shouldn't have been listening to. And now here we are. Hey, what happened with that? And as I'm doing, I'm slowly taking the Charleston Chews and like hiding them from Daryl. Like I'm just kind of positioning Ron like so that Daryl doesn't have to look at them. Like what happened with that? And as I'm doing it, I'm slowly taking the Charleston shoes and hiding them from Daryl. I'm just kind of positioning Ron so that Daryl doesn't have to look at them. I'm like, what happened with that? Grant was super weird when Yeet came up.

I got a 15, by the way, really quick. A 15? Okay, so you managed to keep it down. You don't need to tell me everything. I just need to know, did Yeet hurt Grant? No. If so, I'm going to unleash him. I know he's a kid, but this is football.

I'm just saying. I'm going to tackle this child. Did something happen? You don't have to tell me the details. He could cut this baby. No, nothing. I just got a vibe between them. I sure look like I'm just maybe I misread as one.

No, no, no, no, no, no fight. No fight between them. Yeet didn't hurt Grant. Yeet was there for Grant. He was. Oh, man, I'm going to feel bad about tackling the kid. Oh, no, don't feel bad about tackling him. Because we should just let him win. What happened? How was he there for Grant. He was. Oh, man, I'm going to feel bad about tackling the kid. Oh, no, don't feel bad about tackling him. Because we should just let him win.

What happened? How was he there for Grant? Like, was Grant upset about something? I don't know. Maybe not upset, but maybe not upset either. Or maybe not. This is a weird place to talk about this. No, Ron.

I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought it up. I just wanted. I was just getting a little pumped up. And if I'm hearing you correct, something's wrong. Yeah. Okay. It feels like I should probably ask Grant, though.

I'm beginning to think that maybe if my fellow dad told me and then I went to Grant saying I heard it because when the dad spied on him, maybe he'd be upset. Okay, so I'm going to walk over to Grant. I'm going to tap him on the shoulder and ask him. I'm going to say, so, I mean, I noticed something happened between you and eat there. He just begins to wave you away. It's like, let's fucking play ball. Let's go. Let's do this.

Come on. Come on. And he looks up at the beholder. He's like, let's do this. Come on. Ready for some football. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's do it.

Come on. Fuck it. I look him in the eye. I go, Grant, I know something's bothering you. I know you don't want to hear right now. I don't want to embarrass you in front of everybody. But after this game, I want to talk, okay? Cool, great.

Yeah, let's fucking play some balls. Okay, thank you. Guys, let's do this. Okay. Sorry. Grant laughs. That's the thing that happens. Okay, so I'm going to toss a coin to see who goes first.

We have to call it. Oh, wait, actually call it in the head. Yeah, I forgot how football works. Call it in the air, heads or tails. Perception check is in the air. That's dope. Okay, give me a perception check. Eye perception check in the air as it's flipping in slow motion.

Glenn's eyes, his hot eyes narrow as he flicks back his hair. And he looks over and he sees. Each eye like a different Hemsworth brother. A 15, 15 perception check. Okay. With a 15, you can tell that is going to land heads. I go heads in the sexiest voice you can muster. Okay.

So Lance head. So do you want to receive or do you want to kick off? I turned to you guys. Sorry. I just sold weeds at the quarterbacks. What are we doing guys? Daryl, what are we supposed to do? I did my part. Special teams. Oh, we should definitely receive to the quarterbacks. What are we doing, guys? Daryl, what are we supposed to do? I did my part.

Special teams. Woo! Oh, we should definitely receive. Get the momentum. Oh, that's right. Receive, yeah. Receive, please. Payton, you take the left.

Grant, you take the right. All of us adults make a flying V for whoever catches it. And then we cast a bunch of stuff on one of the kids, right? Yeah, who wants stone skin? Stone skin for you. And I give Payton a friendly pat on the shoulder. Grant says not me. Don't do it.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and give you pass without trace, though, Grant, because it seems like you want to be left alone right now. So I cast a pass without trace on Grant. So the hotties are going to kick off, and the ball lands around the 30 yard line. So I'm going to roll to see who gets it, Grant or Payton. Oh, OK. So it's a natural 20.

So you guys get to decide who you want to have it. I mean, let's give it to Grant because it sounds more interesting, I guess. We don't ever play strategically. Grant gets the ball and he starts running. So who's going to be directly in front of him in this flying V? I'm the top of the V. You are the top. Nice.

As a line of the other players comes at you, Killa Damal, she runs at you and it looks like this relatively small girl is about to tackle you. And then as she gets right up next to you, her body goes incorporeal. And once she's behind you, Grant can, her body goes incorporeal. And once she's behind you, Grant can see she resumes her corporeal form

and dives to tackle him. Can I try to respond to like when she disappears? Yeah, you can do whatever you want to do as a reaction with disadvantage. I mean, yeah, I feel like as she disappears, I probably try to turn around and tackle her. I was like, I was going to throw an axe. I was like, I'm not going to kill this girl.

You're going to throw an axe? No, I'm going to tackle her. So the way that tackling works in this probably doesn't work system that I've made is that you can do damage to somebody or you can try to like bring them down essentially. So you want to just bring her down? I'm just trying to bring her down.

Give me a strength check. So roll a d20, add your strength modifier. Eight plus six, but I'm going to, as we were running, I evoke rage as a bonus action so i'm gonna evoke rage because she did that really suddenly you weren't ready for it you have disadvantage it cancels out the advantage so you just you have 16 as your thing or whatever so she rolled a 17 unfortunately so as you turn around to tackle her you just kind of fall and she leaps at grant and she's gonna try to tackle him oh that's bad okay so she leaps

through the air and uh puts her arm out and does a flying clothesline to grant frick and oh my gosh oh no hits him square in the helmet so it's not that bad but it sends him flying he like gets turned inside out practically sorry that's a wrestling term he doesn't literally get turned inside out he it's like the beginning of scream careful in this world yeah yeah there's a full like backflip just because of how hard she hits him in the face and he falls down on the ground that's the play so the ball is down there on the 30 oh he's got to roll for distance i'm sorry how many yards do we go anthony what down are we at yeah no so you're gonna be at first down so he is going to roll a d10 to see how many yards he's gone.

Okay, three. So you were at the 33-yard line. You have to get to 100, obviously, to get a touchdown. All right, good run, Grant. Anything over 20 is good. I pick him up. You okay? He ignores you saying that, and he looks kind of irritated.

Now it is your turn to run a play. What would you like to do? You can pass or you can run. Depending on what you want to do, I'll tell you how you do that mechan that mechanically all right if we're in a huddle you guys look around the huddle and then you see a rhinoceros horn poke into the huddle and henry has turned into a rhino and he says guys i think we should run the ball donkey kong country let's do this grant you are donkey kong country yeah 100 of it yeah the underwater music though am i right very relaxing yeah it was relaxing as fuck loved it if we're running the ball how about like when

we say hike uh you guys run and then i'll run up to the supper bowl and then look at it and just see like if i can figure out anything about it like because maybe then we won't even have to play the rest of the game i I'm getting kind of bored. It is in the mouth of the beholder. The beholder is currently about 60 feet up from the. OK, well, are there any T-shirt guns? There's a single what you think is a mascot. But then the closer you look, it turns out that's just what that guy looks like.

It's this big, furry, weird dude that's walking around with what looks to be sort of a like a hand crank catapult and he's putting tunics into it and then pointing at people and there's only like five people in the stands but he's still shooting them repeatedly everyone has 20 t-shirts yeah and they're like enough and they're trying to slap him out of the air i love the energy ron do you think you could get up there to the beholder is that what you're saying i don't know like if we're just to do another sort of bird sort of game, I think that I can contribute in another way. Maybe just sort of not playing. You could, you know, help run along the side of the rhino or whatever

to make sure we don't lose the ball. We could also do that. Side huddle, Daryl, you did last time. Like the play was to let Ron do whatever Ron wanted to do. And that worked out pretty well for us. This could be one of those Ron things that Ron does it. And maybe it distracts the beholder like long enough for us to get in like a cheap hit or something like that on the other team let's just not provoke this thing that's all i won't i am

are you trying you want to do some cheap hits on those kids over there i can see by the rep jeez damn dude you're rough i did not think this dude you should play more sports man i realize you're all into this shit well no i mean i don't think we should though i don't think we should i don't think we should take those cheap hits but i like what you're thinking i mean yeah i mean if you want to say that gronkin do whatever he wants i guess you could say that i was just saying like you have a pretty good play you're a big rhino like i right now like i'm looking at he's a rhino right yeah he's a rhino a rhino and daryl i got some stuff i can cast my name is still henry you can call me henry still oh okay i just think you should commit. Like, you came here being like,

yo, I'm a rhino. I think you should commit to the play that you just said. You know what? I'm a rhino, and I want to run the ball. And, you know, the, so, that's, alright, yeah, that's fair enough. I'm also going to commit to the play. Good luck, guys. Alright, sounds good. Alright, Ron. This question matters. Do you want

the football to be just with the rhino, or do you want Grant to be holding the football astride the Rhino? Wait a second. Put the rhinos mouth. No. Yeah. Yeah. Put it in my mouth and I'll just close my mouth.

All right. My mouth's big enough for the ball. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Anthony, I'm going to try to sneak away from the team. Okay.

Uh, give me a stealth role. I got 12 plus eight. Um, that's 20, 20. Wow. Okay.

So yeah, you were, you were, are you doing the same? The Ron gambit where you're pretending to be the like yard marker? How about I just sneak into the, into the t-shirt catapult? Um, okay. Give me, uh, give me a, so that first stealth role definitely got you close to the guy. So in order to sneak inside,

I feel like that's a disadvantaged stealth role. Unless you've got some inspiration you can burn or something. I would like to burn my inspiration. Okay. Then just give me a straight stealth roll. I got a 16 plus eight, which is, uh, I forget you have a plus eight every time. Yeah. Let's see. So that's 24. I'm going to roll perception for him, but I suspect you're going to crawl into a fucking t-shirt cannon. He rolled a five. So what's it like inside the t-shirt cannon? It's such a thrill.

Just the anticipation. Okay, so he aims and he's just going to hit one of the five people in the audience. But pretty high up, right? I mean, you will be once he launches it, but like he's not aiming at the beholder. He's just going to aim into the stands if ron dies doing this could you fucking imagine the insanity i would be pretty mad at myself guys i have to admit it but you know you just gotta try sometimes for the love of the game for the love of sport you know are the t-shirts cool though like are they no they're cheap and they look bad what is your your plan? Try to trick him into thinking that the beholder wants a t-shirt

and then he'll shoot at the beholder. And then you can get closer as opposed to him just hurling you away from the field into the stands. Oh, I could use my actor ability to do an impression of the beholder. Sure, why not? Because I have an acting thing.

So give me a performance check to see if you can sufficiently both throw your voice and impersonate the beholder that is 60 feet up. Make sure you add some reverb there, Ron. I got a nine. I want a t-shirt, shirt, shirt, shirt. As you say that, the mascot that's not a mascot looks down into its catapult and goes,

Oh, oh, hey, get out of there. Get out of there, kid. Get out. And he starts slapping at you with his hand. Make me. If that's how you want to do it. All right. And he grabs onto you with both hands.

So you're grappled now. You know what? I'm along for the ride. Okay. So he hoists you up over his head and spins you spins you spins spins you yeah turns around away from the field and tries to basically toss you into like the hallway that people come out so he just throws you real far you hit the mountain dew machine and you take 16 damage okay a bunch of pounds you can't win them all fellas

okay now that was no longer sneaky. That's a ruckus. Did that distract the hotties as we were hiking? I feel like while that was going on, we were getting ready to hike. Let me do a roll for their wisdom to see if they will. Dude, a bunch of free Mountain Dew on the field, and you're telling me these teens are going crazy for it? Yeah, right, Anthony.

They're playing sports. They're not playing video games. It's not gamer fuel. Mountain Dew is for snowboarders. I'm not going to suspend my. Yeah, right, Anthony. They're playing sports. They're not playing video games. It's not gamer fuel. Mountain Dew is for snowboarders. I'm not going to suspend my disbelief so much, okay? A bunch of teenagers in any universe not going wild for free Mountain Dews. Literally the teens that are listening to this podcast

are screaming at their radios right now. At their radios? No. They're hollering at their gramophones. We love Mountain Dew. What's Anthony love mountain dew they're shaking their ipod touches right now being like what's going on anthony you gotta give us these mountain mom bring me my zoom talk about the dew so they rolled pretty well in their wisdom so what happens is you see gen z's so wise they're really the future you see see Yeet pluck up his eye patch,

and under his eye patch, you see a cybernetic eye. What? It goes, Yeet's so cool. What? And turns and looks independent of his other eye, and you hear like, da-da-da, da-da-da, da-da-da. And he goes, don't worry about it, guys. It's just Mountain Dew. We can afford that when we win.

And he blasts the eye patch back down. Yeet knows how to keep his eyes on the prize. So Yeet has a robot eye. That just got revealed? Yes. That must be what grant found out that upset him so much that the boy who loves his half machine he's like will smith and i robot all right so like we hug the ball and put in the mouth of the rhino what happens yes he put in the mouth of the rhino and then as that happens i'm gonna cast thunder wave down okay what does that do which is in this context it's i'm trying to start a wave it's all five people there's five all five people but somehow the effect of this here in the dnd universe

is that a wave of thunderous force sweeps out from me i had this skill the whole time it was in me this entire time each creature in a 15 foot cube originating from you but since everyone's on the line of scrimmage that's like everyone they're definitely gonna be next to each other yeah yep must make a constitution saving throw fail save they take 2d8 thunder damage and they're pushed 10 feet away a successful save they take half damage but then they aren't pushed okay and then also any unsecured objects mountain dues cams of mountain dew within the area effect are also automatically advertising mountain dew yeah those are all pushed away and they flutter in the wind. So the advertisers can go from in front of you or in a circle around you.

It's a cube away from me. Oh, nice. So that's everybody but us. Yeah. And also that boom is loud. It goes out to 300 feet. Jesus. And then 301 feet.

I guess you don't hear it. How the fuck does that work? D and D's too bad. So I'm going to roll constitution saving throws for all six of them. Yeah. The hellhound, yeet, and killer all get pushed 10 yards back.

The giant shark, the phase spider, and the flame skull do not. So what's going to happen is when you do your run, Will, give me a D10 roll. That'll be how many yards you run. Okay. For the first leg of your run. You get an automatic bonus.

That first 10 is what you're saying. Yeah. I got a one. I'm going to check the running speed of a rhino. You got one. Okay. So you got one yard before somebody attacked you. It doesn't mean somebody's tackled you yet.

It means somebody's going to attack you after one yard. Okay. So I'm going to say that it's going to be the flame skull, and he is going to... A rhino runs 34 miles per hour, by the way, just so you know. Yeah, but it doesn't get from zero to 34. Yeah, he's got to accelerate. He's like a fucking Mario Kart character.

Bowser doesn't come out the gate at full speed. That's very fast. Yeah. So his armor class is 11. The skull is going to open its mouth and go, and hit you with a fire ray twice. And that is going to do 6d6 damage to you. Oh, my God.

Both times. So it does 27 damage to you with the fire ray, which he didn't do it to knock you down. He just did it to hurt you. Now, do I have a rhino's hit points or my hit points now? You have a rhino's hit points. Okay, because that's less hit points than me, because it has 45 hit points. Yes, it's 45. All right, so I'm down to 25 hit points now you have a rhino's hit point okay because that's less hit points than me because it has 45 hit points it's 45 all right so i'm down to 25 hit points now okay so now the shark is

going to try to tackle you so he's going to make a strength check this is like every 12 year old's dream football game the shark tackles the rhino with the football in his mouth okay so he got a 10 roll constitution it's not an opposed strength check no it's like is your body like hardy enough with a football in its mouth. Okay, so he got a 10. Roll constitution. It's not an opposed strength trick? No, it's like, is your body like hardy enough to repel his strength? Okay, I got a 16. I don't know if you know,

but Will's been DMing, so he's coming back with the facts. The two DMs. Yeah, this is a problem. I'm noticing a problem here. This isn't how I would DM. I just don't want to make it so that only the strong characters had

an advantage for sure for sure you successfully managed to bounce the hellhound away the giant shark's going to start moving downfield to tackle you later on so the phase spider is going to come at you but he's going to get intercepted by grant so grant's going to run up and he's going to tackle him right before he tackles him you definitely see this will uh matt you're gonna have to roll a perception check to see if you notice this okay 14 plus 1 uh 15 okay so the 15 you notice it too as he runs up he undoes his shoulder pads and lets them fall off of his body and he runs and he tackles this huge ass spider. Oh, this poor baby boy. And slams him into the ground and keeps him down there.

So you get to roll another D10 for continuing your run. Okay. Glenn's like, hey, you know, you can give him some pads with stone skin. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Oh, I should have given him stone skin. Son of a bitch. Okay.

Sounds like that spider needs stone skin. That's why I said he didn't want it. Oh God. Okay. Well, Henry rolled a four. So I guess I go another four yards as I watch that happen. When I said that the field is 100 yards, I meant 50. Okay. Because this is a two-hour podcast.

Yes. Okay. So you're on the 37-yard line right now. Yeet, Killa, and Giant Shark are about to tackle you. So you can either run out of bounds and end the down or you can keep going wait a second I have an idea

for a 200 IQ play here okay okay shit shit shit shit shit shit I turn into guys what's an animal that burrows like a gopher dude i literally had the same a meerkat i i can't find an animal that burrows and is big enough to hold

a football well i'm straight up sitting here i wasn't even listening to grant like putting his rage out on a spider because i was sitting here going through dungeons and dragons trying to figure out if you can turn into a mole or some shit. Because if we score a touchdown, all I want to do is run down the clock and put football underground. I did a report on the wombats in fifth grade. The wombats. No, but they don't go underground. Yes, they fucking do. They are the largest burrowing animal and the second largest marsupial in the world, Matt.

Oh my goodness. That's wonderful. I did a report in fifth grade. I got an A on it on wombats. They're my favorite Australian animal. It goes wombats, then quokkas. And they bur on wombats they're my favorite australian animal it goes wombats then quokkas and they burrow and they're cute and farmers are unfairly targeting wombats and they got little claws that can dig through the ground really well this podcast brought to you by zoo

books um all right that's a huge are they big enough to hold a football okay hold on hold on hold on here's my question to anthony i'm googling wombat in relation to football they're about a meter in length so absolutely okay okay before we go wombat if relation to football. They're about a meter in length, so absolutely. Okay, okay. Before we go wombat, if I turn into a smaller animal while the football is in my mouth, does the football shrink when I shrink? No.

And I would submit to you, they're like, what happens to my clothes when I turn into an animal? Oh, they get shredded, dude. They just explode? Yeah, you were naked after the bird. It's not like a Hulk pants situation, like where the Hulk's purple pants

that go stretchy with him and they shrink back down. Okay. Nevermind. I turn into a wombat and I try to burrow with a ball and they have a pouch. They have a pouch. Yeah.

I stuff the ball into my pouch and I burrow. Hold it. Hold it. Okay. So you're Rhino and you transform into a wombat. Yes. So the ball is in your mouth when you transform, which means the balls in your mouth when you're a wombat. Oh no. Which means that

it probably, like, no, I'm not going to say it, like, snaps or anything, it's fine. I was thinking about it. No. Which means the ball probably like, gets squeezed out of your mouth and you kind of fumble it. Okay. But you're the one who knows that this is coming, so I'm going to give you a dexterity roll to grab the ball up before somebody

else jumps on it. Alright, I'm googling wombat D&D 5e to see if there are your dexterity bonus is a plus one i'm looking at one right now okay also you have 10 hit points congratulations oh no shit are you serious yes all right well i rolled a 12 on my do i get advantage because i know this is coming yeah i feel like it that makes sense you get advantage because you're cute because he's a baby all. He's a baby. All right, I rolled a 13. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to have Yeet be nearby, and he's going to make an opposed dexterity check.

Okay, so Yeet was coming at you on a skateboard, the sounds of Superman by Goldfinger echoing through the AirPods he always has in his ears, and he rolled a 12. Oh! So you managed to snatch it up just as he does a fucking kickflip to try and grab it with his

hand. Like, Oh, he's upside down. He tries to grab it, but your little wombat claws, grab it and put it inside of your, your pouch. You play Tony Hawk. I play mortal wombat. So I feel like that's the inspiration. Yeah, that's definitely inspiration. Very kind. Okay. So now I guess you want to roll something to burrow sure how close is he to the end zone so you guys are about 13 yards away from the end zone oh wait wait wait wait i think i have a spell for this give me one second in the desert heat of australia right the burrowing allows them to be sort of nocturnal and hide from predators burrows can be up to 30 meters long and several meters deep whoa so once this tunnel is connected we're good. We'll pull it off like the James Bond

World's Not Enough. He pulled like the World's Not Enough with a boat like goes underwater. Oh yeah like Henry adjusts his little wombat tie while he's under the... Oh my gosh I think that Henry should stay a wombat forever. I just this way we get cool like real wombat facts from Freddy and I love

that and then we get like to think about Henry as a wombat and you know you don't have to think about the gross parts we put a leash on him and payton can walk him like a little dog oh my gosh like a harness yeah oh and he has a little pouch you put like a little flower in his pouch are wombats soft i mean they got like claws and they are you know a little more they're not as like cuddly as a lot of the animals in Australia are not as cuddly as you think. But as Henry dives towards the ground in wombat form, he casts mold earth. If you target an area of loose earth, you can instantly excavate it, move it along the ground and deposit it up to five feet away.

This movement doesn't have enough force to cause damage. You can cause shapes, colors or both to appear in the dirt. Okay, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The point is I'm using this Shapes, colors and what to appear in dirt? This is just other stuff you can do with this spell. Like I can cause shapes and colors to appear on the dirt or the stone, spelling out words, creating images.

The dirt flies in the air and as you burrow down the hottie's looking and says losers. It says thanks with a smiley face. So yeah, yeah i'm gonna cast this and then use it to excavate uh the earth in front of me and then i'm gonna be basically it's a cantrip so i can cast it as much as i want there we go i was just looking for the way to win automatically it's basically like a bug spuddy move i turn into a wombat dive into the ground and then you see like this little bump like pop up in the ground and then just zoom to the end so well

and you also said that the spell like allows you to like displace earth and then put it somewhere else so in my mind like wombat henry runs up and like tears a chunk out of the ground dives in it and then replaces the chunk behind it like he's slamming the door shut behind him or something every time we get the ball we're just gonna give it to henry he's slamming the door shut behind him or something every time we get the ball we're just gonna give it to henry he's gonna turn into a wombat and he's gonna go underground uh okay pop back up at the end zone when henry pops up in the end zone he's got a carrot in his mouth and a big map and he says i knew i should have taken that left turn at albuquerque okay so i'm gonna go to individually look at every single member of this team and see if there's anything

they can do to stop this okay and also I want to point out that by doing this, he's probably tilling up a lot of earth and like pebbles. And as you know, on a skateboard, a single pebble will wreck your ass. Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay. So the flame skull cannot do anything.

The giant shark cannot do anything. The spider cannot do anything. The hellhound cannot do anything. Yeet especially cannot do anything. But Killa Damal sees that you're going underground. That wascally wombat. And so she jumps into the air and like swan dives down. And as it looks like she's about to face plant into the ground, she goes incorporeal.

Oh shit. And she's going to make a disadvantage attack on you. She's like one of those foxes jumping in the snow. Oh my gosh. Those snow foxes. Oh, this is so cute. That's a cute episode. Except for Graham punching that spider a bunch.

We're going to check back in on that in a second. We should have like a separate time every episode to do wombat combat. Killa dove after you and she went, nice moves, but mine are better. And she like dives in and barely,

just barely misses you as you skitter away from her. And then she recorporealizes and is buried alive currently. And she's like, ah, shit. And she begins to choke. Oh my God.

Daryl runs and starts digging the ground where she is you successfully managed to dig her up and she goes stupid i know damsel in distress and she casts horrifying visage wait just to clarify though i feel like during that time that i was digging her out he definitely got it yeah he definitely got in the end zone and got a touchdown congratulations you got a touchdown so the beholder is watching all this he goes no you're kidding me not again with this no come on come on you pull up killa demall and she goes you guys are gonna break our win streak i mean this purely professionally i think you guys are tight but fuck you and if she says fuck you her face morphs into that of like a corpse.

It looks like horrifying. It's like some Beetlejuice ass stop motion ass shit. Large Marge. Large Marge shit. And so all of you have to make a DC 13 wisdom saving throw. All of us? Am I looking at this? I'm not looking at this.

It's every non undead creature within 60 feet that can see her. So I guess if you're still underground, well, you probably have to surface in order to make the touchdown, right? I'm going to use this moment to reaction with mental barrier, which is my reaction spell, which protects my mind with a wall of looping repetitive thought, which is like, oh no, Henry's winning, but I can't, we can't win. I'm going to lose money. Henry's winning though, but we need to win, but I'm going to lose money. That's the looping thought that keeps going in my head, which distracts me, which is going to give me advantage on intelligence, wisdom, and charisma saving throws,

and resistance to psychic. Fantastic. Henry needs touchdowns. Dental plan. I got a one plus one. 17 minus one is 16, so I'm good. Didn't you tell me I have a disadvantage on wisdom shit now, Anthony, because of my horrifying? Oh, yeah, because of your sanity.

Oh, yeah, this is horrible. It's giving you flashbacks to the shit. Okay. So, yeah, you definitely have a disadvantage on wisdom shit now, Anthony, because of my horrifying. Oh, yeah. Because of your sanity. Oh, yeah. This is horrible. It's giving you flashbacks to the shit. Okay. So, yeah, you definitely have this back when I was in the shit. Terrell's just has never been so he's never helped somebody had them dismiss his help so hard as literally pulling a person who's buried alive out with his bare hands only for them to turn around and be like, I'm not so distressed to turn into a zombie.

He is astonished. You know what it is? All of the dads have teenage boys, but none of them are prepared for being teenage girls. Henry fucked up his role too. When Killa Tamal screams, Henry turns around like that dramatic hamster. Very good. So everybody that failed your role,

you are frightened for one minute. So frightened... Time out, baby. Time out, time out, time out. Son of a bitch! Glenn calls time out so that my teammates can recover and Glenn's like, it's all good. Time is no object here in this game

of football, bitch. Frightened? Don't worry. Just chug some capri suns and we'll be right good to go in one minute daryl pulls up a mountain dew and then grabs another one and walks over to grant hey buddy man that you okay that you're working out some aggression there sorry just for a second i was like it's okay i'll just wait until the next play then have her do it again it specifically says if somebody saves or if the effect ends they're immune to it for the next 24 hours yeah she doesn't scare us anymore it's just not looking great for the female npcs i was gonna have her basically be like a one-woman team like fucking like teleporting between you like nightcrawler and fucking your shit up and no you just saved her from combat god a wombat beater a wombat and the rules of football fuck okay so what bullshit are you saying to your son i mean i'm just i just we only got a minute it's time

out but i'm just checking in on him saying you working out some aggression no daryl you're still frightened for this minute to be clear okay never mind i I just shakily bring him a Mountain Dew and go, drink this, Grant. Oh, God. And I just, I walk away. I go look for Henry. I'm like, where's Henry? Is he okay? Is he a wombat?

Did I get thrown over to where we came out, like from the locker rooms? Yeah. You could just walk back onto this field if you want to. I'm actually going to walk back into the locker rooms. Don't look at my poo. I'm going to look at the poo. No! No! Well, no, if you, okay, if Henry

thought that there was some sort of mystical thing to be gained from this, I feel like I'm taking one for the team, so to speak, by picking up where he left off. Talk to me about the bathroom. Is this a good episode? I don't think so. I don't know anymore. No, I think you guys are doing well. I'm not doing great this episode but that's okay we can't win them all okay um so i think i walk down the

the hallway where people normally come out ready to rock and roll ready to run and i open the locker room where a telltale smell indicates that even if it has been cleaned up, there is something that cannot be cleaned away. I bet you it's not cleaned up. I feel like it's been really... Yeah, what happened to the Kankus? They're dead. They went in and they immediately quit. They went, it's not a living!

Like Ron is stepping into his own Silent Hill mini-adventure right now. Silent but deadly hill they're just dead on the floor nice like oh my god are you ready for one of the more specific pulls it's like the scene in the casper movie where fucking ray from ghostbusters comes out and goes who you to call someone else and runs away and bill pullman looks so satisfied with that joke and he's just crushed you're gonna go as someone else okay so you want to see this thing listen I just gotta take one for

the team here okay uh give me a disadvantage wisdom roll okay wisdom saving throw on my bingo card for this is not that Daryl's feces was going to cause psychic damage to half of the dance what's not disadvantage i got 13 plus 1 14 14 one shy oh you hate to see it you do hate to see it you absolutely hate to see it the thing that you were looking at all the stuff that i said to will applies to you now it is horrible your mind has trouble comprehending it but to you there's not quite that familiarity forever now you're gonna have disadvantage on arcana wisdom anything that's wisdom related checks you're gonna have disadvantage on ron the wisest of the characters yeah no i feel like to get where i am right now yeah i could not have had advantage on any i realize glenn's probably

the best person to do this because mental barrier really protects me in this well I mean why doesn't everybody just go look at the big old church you've also probably like held a few friends heads you know as a yeah exactly I've seen some shit on the road question for you Anthony what does Ron's sentient mustache do upon seeing the good question your mustache begins to scream oh my god like jump back a little bit in time as you're getting closer and closer to the stall you're opening the door it's the shoe

from Roger Rabbit it's like like it's trying to get you to turn around it's like turn around go go we gotta go back we can't do this we can't do this no no no no I don't feel good Mr. Mustache you're okay you're with me and we're just gonna take a quick look and see if I can garner any wisdom from this. It's okay, Mr. Mustache.

I've got you. I take it back. This is my favorite episode. Please animate this, somebody. So when you see it, the mustache screams. You feel this thing on your face just screaming. It bristles. It bristles.

Yeah, it poofs up like a cat's tail when it gets scared so when you leave your mustache is all poofy and uh and stuff uh hush mr mustache don't you cry we're just gonna look at a big mud pie and if that mud pie is real cursed um The whole sadness thing will be reversed. Is he still screaming? He's still screaming and after, you know, a minute or whatever, his screaming stops

and then you hear him say, I will never trust you again. How dare you? I didn't want to do that and you did it anyway. You didn't care about what I wanted. It's rude. She Seems a little hypocritical for a mustache that literally parasitically leaned onto her front. I'm here to help you.

Listen, Mr. Mustache, maybe we should talk about this later because there's a lot of stuff going on right now. What are you, Daryl? Yeah, there you go. Reason. I don't want anyone to come between us Mr. Mustache you could feel the mustache like straining not to say that's what she said

so do you have anything else you want to do in there you got a magazine yeah I'll so back on the field the holder's like oh my god oh my god you know what let's just do half I need to rethink this whole way people do magic at all. This is bullshit. This is the worst. Half time. I'll be back. Oh my God.

And it just like shakes its head, but its whole body is its head. So it just shakes its whole body. How long is half time, dude? Half time is until I work up the mental fortitude to continue with this. Okay. Just give us a little bit, not to criticize, but like literally we woke up and you came running in and said five minutes. I'll give you a heads up.

Go do whatever you're going to do. I'm just saying, thank you. I just want to make sure we have more than five minutes. Add a little up, guys. Add a little up. I waddle over to the huddle. When I look at Ron, I'm like, you looked, didn't you? You saw.

You saw what I saw. What did you guys look at? What are you talking about? Ron just nods with a pale, sweaty expression. And then also his mustache is paler too. Yeah, your mustache turns white. Yes, absolutely. Okay. also his mustache is paler too. Yeah. Your mustache turns white. Yes,

absolutely. Okay. Your mustache is not white. Yes. Hey, so it looks like we're going to win this again, guys. Just saying.

I mean, he said he was going to get rid of magic, baby. No, I do want to point out that just cause I'm a wombat and I can burrow on our turns. Doesn't mean we're not going to have to play defense when they come up against us.

I don't know that me being able to wriggle onto the ground is going to help us when like it's their turn to run the ball but once we get one point ahead we can just like run down the clock that's true that's what i say you can just keep the ball under the ground that's what i was getting at and just sit there until the clock runs out that's my plan that's a good plan d. I love that. You want to just call the Beholder and see maybe he can just like fast forward this whole thing. The Beholder floats down to you guys.

He goes, Hey idiots, hey assholes, hey turds. So I was thinking, you win. I don't like this. I don't like it. Yes. I can either make a new rule

that says you can't be a wombat, but I can make rules for everything. That's stupid. I have an anti-magic rate. He vomits an anti-magic rate at all you know like you turn back into a human and all the magic and stuff goes away you'd use that but that just feels like i'd have to use that on everybody did you hear that we were gonna just hide the ball underground did you know but that sounds like something you would do so yeah no i i figured let's just get you out of the fucking stadium

let's get the fans back in the real football fans you guys are fake football fans unless i've talked to the sponsors and we can't have this. Mountain Dew's pulling out. We're losing all of our sponsors. Mountain Dew is disgusted by what you've done to their brand. So yeah, no, fuck it. Here's the Subber Bowl. And he rolls out his tongue. Oh, man. And the Subber Bowl sort of clatters onto the ground next to you.

So yeah, here's the bowl, but obviously you want the money, right? No, we actually want the bowl, man. The bowl. Oh, my God. You could not disrespect this sport more. The bowl represent hold on man hold on man i think we've found some problems with this sport let me uh just take you aside here and bend your ear or ears i guess a little bit what do you call the sport again it's catch the ball throw the ball run the ball across the field that's too much of a mouthful what about glen ball glen ball you know glen ball roll persuasion glen ball it's weird you walked into the wrong stadium motherfucker because that persuasion rolls a 25

so is it glen ball or glen bull i like glen ball glen ball it's glen ball you know and i was thinking you guys can really razzmatazz this place. And Glen basically kind of pulls him aside and gives him, he basically pitches him the XFL. Because, you know, it's like we've showed kind of the deficiencies in your model. And I just think that this might be a way to rebrand and reinvigorate your sport. Glen makes a business pitch. I hate you. And yet you're right.

So I'm going to steal this idea. It is mine now. Glenn Bowl. It's called the Glenn Bowl, and it was my idea, and it always has been. Oh, dang. Hey, everybody, it's called the Glenn Bowl now. And everybody in the stands is like, well, that's way better. Yeah, I know, right? How did Yeet and Killa and all them feel about the fact

that that game just ended? You can hear Yeet being like, guys, I know that that was a bad first half, but I know that if we just stick together, we're the ragtag group of kids that can really do this. Hey, I know that your mom's operation is riding on this one. Oh, my goodness. This is going to be a big day for all of us, and I think we could probably go pro if we win this one.

Sorry, what? And the elder's like, yeah, no, they win, so we're not doing any of that. And his wheels stop spinning for the first time you've ever seen. Okay, so everybody give me perception rolls. 18 plus 2, 20. 19 plus 1, 20. I got an 11 plus 1.

I have disadvantage on perception checks too. Is that the deal? Anything that's modified by wisdom, and unfortunately perception is modified by wisdom. It's my whole character, man. I don't like that i got a 12 okay let me roll again i got 16 plus 1 17 so everybody got above a 15 nice you see that the grass on the field is beginning to shake back and forth and as you look at the grass you see that it's trying to form words but with the grass all dug up because of the mole, you can only make out parts of the words. What the fuck? It seems to say don't and then the letter B and you can't make out what's in the rest of the word.

And then again, the letter B and you can't make out what's the rest of the word. It seems to be three words. Whoa, the grass is like moving, guys. Whoa, it looks like it's trying to say something. Hang on. And I press my ear to the ground and I cast speak with grass or speak with plants is the spell. The spell is only for speaking with grass.

It's only for dads when they want to know what's wrong with their lawn. So the grass says, Aaron says, don't break the bowl. Aaron says, don't do it. Guys. Don't break the bowl.

Aaron says, don't break the bowl. Did she say why? Did she say anything about that? Blades of grass. She should be close. And so as he says that you see Aaron holding a very large leaf sort of gracefully float

down like Mary Poppins and land next to you guys and she sees that you've got the bowl but her face is like white as a sheet and she looks at Daryl and she says Daryl I need to talk to you and Payton and only you two. I look at Grant's like, hey, buddy,

I'm going to go walk over here and talk to Aaron and then we'll talk afterwards. Grant's like, I don't, I really don't care. It's fine. Well, whatever you want to do is fine. He's watching Geet go back into the lockers. Geet stops for a second and you can see Grant like stepping on his tiptoes.

Like, is he going to turn around? He's going to turn around and Geet does not turn around and just heads back into the locker room looking pretty upset with himself. And grant just sits down on the field and sort of just stares at the grass aaron takes you aside into a relatively quiet corner of the stadium and she's holding the supper ball in her hands and she says this isn't the the anchor this is a do you know what a pass fake is i I mean, it's usually a fake pass, but yeah,

sure. Yeah. What pass fake is. After we talked about the tethers and the anchors and stuff, I started doing some divination spells and I found out that, that you said you were going for the one here. It's not actually an anchor of itself. It's a mask for an anchor.

It's been cloaking and already extant anchor. So once you destroy this thing, like all the anchors, you're going to have to destroy, you have to break these things. Yeah. So once you destroy this, it's going to show you the real anchor. Well, then what's, why not destroy it? Well, I just, I want you to understand what you'll be doing if you destroy it and how you kind of can't unring that bell. Peyton, I'm so, so sorry to do this to you, but you're not from here.

You know that, right? And Peyton's like, I don't follow what you're saying, my lady. I don't know what you mean. And she says, Willie brought you here. Wait, from our world? Yeah, in a sense. I thought there was something weird about Peyton when I first met him. And I kind of sort of secretly took some of his hair while you guys were talking once and like,

don't, it's not a thing. It's not, it's not weird. It's weird, but it's not that weird. It's a little weird, Aaron, but okay. He has a lot of memories that are being contained inside of this object. And if you break it, all the memories are going to come out and you're going to know what the anchor really is. I don't know for sure, but I have a pretty good idea what the anchor is. And I think you do too. Aaron, you're giving me too much credit. I'm not that smart. Okay. I don't really have an idea, but what I would posit to you then is you could just keep going on your adventure with this bowl and not break it until the very last possible minute.

And things will be good for you for potentially a very long time for the rest of your adventure. And you won't have to do something that could be something that you won't want to do. Can I ask, Aaron, why did you bring Peyton into this? It feels like two unrelated things. Because you both have to make this decision together. Wait, are you saying Peyton's the anchor? I'm saying Peyton's the anchor. And I think Peyton is holding the soul of your dad.

Look at Peyton. What does Peyton say? Peyton's like, what? No. Wait, not Peyton? No. no no the main man of your paid dad no you gotta be confused yeah i mean payden's awesome my dad was awesome but they're not the but wait no i mean i like i look at him as sort of you know like somebody i could give advice to and take advice from kind of a give-and-take thing but i'm not as damn like of a give and take thing, but I'm not his dad. Aaron says, no, it's the soul of his dad is inside you.

And when you break this thing, this mask, the supper bowl, all those memories are going to come flooding back. Wait, and then I'm going to have to destroy him? If you want to leave here with Grant, I am so, so sorry. But Peyton, all the memories that you've had, whoever you are now is going to be not lost because you'll still remember all the times you had as payden but you're gonna immediately remember being daryl's dad if i've got this right and then if you want to leave the forgotten realms you have to get rid of him and i'm i'm sorry i wish there were another way to do this that's

why i didn't want to tell this in front of the others. Cause it's not their business. It's, it's only the, the business of the two of you. I mean, no, they got to know they're there. I mean, we're all in this together. I, I mean, I'm not going to kill you, Peyton. I'd like to see you try. Okay. But also like, if you don't do that, you can't go back. What about Grant? I, I don't know. Uh, Hey, i wave i go hey guys hey daryl what's up what happened what's going on hey guys so like quick thing um so payton's my dad what since when When? Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak.

Beth May is Ron Stampler. And myself, Freddie Wong, as Glenn Close. Theme song and outro is All Right by Maxton Waller. This show is supported by a patreon populated by fine patrons in addition to getting all kinds of behind the scenes and bonus content they also get a special little spot right here in the crettes where i shout them out folks like assorted fruits josh simons tal st tal street unclear emmy helfrick ST, Tal Street, unclear. Emi Helfrich, Cody Dunn, Paul Fagundes, Corpse Kitten, You Mazes, Marlo Geisler, and Otter Pigeon.

Hey, you want a chat show that we record after each episode talking about the campaign? What about entire bonus one-shots played in other systems? Or Anthony's DM notes, like the system he came up with for football that, frankly, we never really had a chance to test. You can get that and more on our Patreon at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Support the show directly, get content, get ad-free episodes, join us on live listens. The list goes on. Check it out. You want to support us in other ways? You can do that at our website at dungeonsanddaddies.com where we got t-shirts, pins, stickers, you know, that podcast merch. We're on Twitter at twitter.com slash dungeonsanddads. All kinds of discussions

happening on the subreddit at red.com slash r slash dungeonsanddaddies. Our next episode's coming out July 7th. So until then, stay safe. Have a good barbecue if you're in the U.S. Actually, you can have a good barbecue anywhere we'll see you then there was a time when you could read between the lines you know they never brought you down never brought you down listen we were so good last episode we were so like following the rules of you and so were you we were you turned into a bird no that was your fault that you didn't think about that