Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 58 - It Was Inside You All Along

Episode Date: May 18, 2021

The dads and Glenn continue their fight against two deadly abolethsCheck out Swimming to Freedom on Amazon and Barnes and Noble!This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, violence towards children, and body horror.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Jodie Foster is Jimmy Wong (@jfwong)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCourtney Thérond is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerChad Ellis did some additional editingRobin Rapp is our transcriberCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. worst symptoms of my humanity. Empathy, free will, and all my petty earthly concerns are a thing of the past. In fact, while my friends were falling into a moat and fighting for their lives, I could kick back, relax, and crack jokes with my two new best friends, Donald and Daisy. Aboleth is not for everyone, including those with resistance to being charmed or those who succeed on DC14 wisdom saving throws. Barbarians level 6 or higher experiencing rage may be immune to the mind control effects of Aboleth if they read their character sheets. Thanks Aboleth, I gotta watch my friend's son get eaten alive and I couldn't have cared less. Ask your DM if Aboleth

is right for you. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. Actually, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about four dads from our world flung into a land of high fantasy and magic in a quest to rescue their lost sons. Wait, four dads and a demon, Freddy. Oh, right, right, right. And a dirty demon. Dang. Excuse you. Four dads and their friend, Glenn.

Oh, my gosh. Three dads, a guy named Glenn, and a demon. They walk into a bar, you won't believe what happens next. It's unbelievable the presumption we have about whether or not a demon can be a father. I think they can still be a dad. That checks out. Thank you.

Fair enough. Like, if tieflings can be a dad, I can be a dad. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, a clickbait podcast. Listen, we knew what we were doing when we called this podcast what we called it. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close. Parentheses, gone sexual. Gone sexual.

He's the regular Joe of the group. Just the everyman. The audience surrogate, if you will. He's the bard. He's the rock and roll bard man with the big left arm. If this was X-Men 1, he'd be Anna Paquin. Okay. He can't touch anyone.

This week's Glenn fact. Eagle-eared viewers and listeners may have realized that I laid a cunning trap last week. That's going to be this week's fact. Last week, Glenn counted his abs, and he counted

if you recall, he counted to 12. In fact, I'll play that clip for you right now. Glenn goes like, am I back in my body? And he goes like, let me count my abs. 1, 2, 3, 10, 11, 12. Okay, great. Oh my god. So this week's Glenn fact, he only counted to 10.

Glenn has an 8-pack, but he also counts his pecs as his abs. That's very nice. The full continuation. He has an eight pack, but he counts his pecs. Don't you only have two pecs? That'd be 10. You've fallen into my second cunning trap. You're correct.

Eight plus two is indeed 10. That other two baby. Oh, no. He calls them the danglers. Oh, my God. The honorary abs on the man. See, this is what happens when you don't get married to Morgan is you just have enough time to think about it. Oh, my God.

You get to the point where you're like, yup, this is it. I've been thinking about my cunning verbal trap for you all for the last week straight. That's probably actually my favorite fact on the whole show ever. That is really good fact i'm in love with that hey everybody i'm just happy to be back in my body again hi everybody i'm matt arnold irl dad playing fictional dad daryl wilson who is a stay-at-home coach dad who became a barbarian upon entering this whimsical world of whimsy so i thought i would pay tribute to the brilliance of f Wong and Beth May, who took control of Daryl and just made sure that I truly I really treat what you guys said as canon. So Daryl, indeed, is very bad at math because he did go to Catholic school and his high school Catholic math teacher, Catholic math, wouldn't teach class. He would just play Stargate all the time because he didn't want to teach.

And that's how Daryl became a big fan of roland emmerich and started watching his movies why did he start and now whenever grant and daryl wanted you know kind of uh you know play a little hooky and ditch school to go see a movie they talk about it as math class in front of carol they go yeah i'm gonna help him out on his math class and then daryl and grant go and see a movie daryl is a fucking coward everything's a euphemism we'll his math class. And then Daryl and Grant go and see a movie. Daryl is a fucking coward. Everything's a euphemism. We'll go to math class, and then I'll drop you off at school, and then it'll be time for tax day. Yeah.

He just has fun with his life. I don't know if that's a coward. He just lives a lie. I'm just remembering all the things that math teachers or even just teachers play. We have a lot of Muzzy. If you've ever studied a foreign language, you'll know what I'm talking about. Muzzy tapes. Stargate SG-1, the television series, is what that math teacher was into no stargate the movie oh

okay russell's film the one that's less appropriate for kids which was roland emmerich's i don't know if it was his first american movie but it was like his first hit oh yes which also by the way i believe i first saw it in school also huh because? Because it's, you know, science. Yeah, we watched October Sky. Matt watched Stargate. We watched that too. I don't want your life. Is that Stargate?

That's what he says after he enters the Stargate. Yeah, that's from Stargate. Everyone, I'm Will Campos, the once and future voice of Henry Oak, Birkenstock Rockin', Crunchy Munchy, Hippie Druid, Nature Granola Dad of the Dads. And my Henry fact today is that Henry's also bad at math, but only because in the Forgotten Realms, they use a base six system. What? What?

So it took him a really long time to get used to math in our world because he was like, you mean like, there's like, I bit off way more than I could chew with this fact because I don't even know how to do jokes. You would underpay for everything. Yeah, he's an awful tipper for the first couple of years he was out here. And Mercedes was like, you're embarrassing me. Why are you have to tip more? And he's like, what are you talking about? It's like, oh, that's right. It's a base six thing.

You know, that's I forgot. Actually, no, he would tip more. No, no, because the base six number would be higher. No, that's incorrect. That's my second fact is Henry's just a cheapskate he blames it on base six but really he's just a cheapskate oh god no no he's not cheapskate daryl's never had that elaborate of life so you pretend you don't tip and then you say it's because i'm from another world i know basic henry's like oh yeah worker solidarity raise that wage. I will give you a three cent tip. Thank you so much.

Henry tips well. Will was just making a joke to be funny. That's the separation between me and the character. That was an ironic dad fact. Now I don't know what's canon, what's not. He tips well if the tip is a compliment. I'm done being other people. I'm only going to be myself for the rest of my life.

I did have an actual dad fact, which was that Henry's first job when he came to our world, in honor of one Jimothy Wong, I thought Henry's first job would be that he was a canvasser. Wow. And he went around, he worked for an environmental group that wanted to save the Amazon rainforest.

They're failing. It was unfortunately called Amazon Prime. They got sued into oblivion and despite the fact that that was Henry's favorite job and it was the one thing he could reliably do well when he came to this our world with no skills and no degree and no education, he had to

give it up when they got crushed under the heel of the real Amazon. So people are like, oh, Henry you worked for Amazon Prime, did you have to like pee in bottles and stuff? And Henry's like, oh yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. Absolutely. All the time.

That's amazing. That's it. I yield the remainder of my time. Okay, thanks. Well, my name is- You're welcome, Beth. My name is Beth May. And I play Ron Stampler,

emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. Fun fact about Ron is that his father, Willie St Sampler, taught him an extremely important lesson which is give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Willie never taught Ron

how to fish, but he did teach him that quote. Nice. To explain why he wouldn't give him the fish that he caught. Yes, exactly. Dang. He brought home one fish. He cooked it. He ate it in front of Ron and did not give any.

I also have a feeling that Willie's the type of person who's like, you know, the lure doesn't make the fisherman. Like, you know, I caught this because I'm so good at fishing. But then, like, the one he gave to Ron would be like, except for this one, this one will catch you fish automatically you're not good if you catch a fish with it. Hi everyone my name is Jimmy Wong I play Jodie Foster

he's a fun loving open and emotionally available highway cop turned paladin are you trying to date somebody? he loves to laugh. He lives loves and laughs in that order. He eats prays and loves and loves yeah the reason though that he's so open and fun loving is he actually has incredibly poor comprehension

skills because he has a very serious case of adhd so he just can't catch on to full sentences and paragraphs because he learned right like okay i'm always my mind's always jumping to something else i'm always thinking about the next thing he realized that when someone finished a sentence and there was like that blank spot he would just be really good at adding in like a what no way that's unbelievable and then just force them to keep explaining the thing this is how i survived on the podcast and they would just keep going and going and then he got to be really open because all he did was ask questions all the time and just be like astonished or like you know very like open in that world but it was just because he really doesn't know what's happening a lot of times in jody's case adhd

stands for a demon hell demon what that's so crazy it's actually a dad. Hell dad. Thank you. Oh, nice. I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your dad. Hi. If I sound a little smoother tonight, it's because I'm going to do what you should never do if you're antisocial, which is tell people that I'm more than two weeks past vaccine. I've been cooped up in my house long enough that I was like,

I want to do something that I've never done before that's drastic, that doesn't make any sense, and that will cause me physical pain just so I can feel something after a year and a half of being in quarantine. So I got a full Brazilian wax. And let me tell you. Wow.

Let me tell you. Please tell me. Good night, everybody. Imagine how you think it feels. It feels exactly like that. Of all the things that I've ever done, it most accurately reflects my assumption of what it would feel like going in.

I don't know what to do tonight. You all don't see it. Anthony is like in a bathrobe showing his chest hair now talking about his Brazilian wax. This is a lot going on. He's all right, Daddy Master. Let's do this. I speed low drag, man. Yeah.

Yeah. I think that was a wreck me, Daddy. It was an unofficial wreck me, Daddy, right there. Finally in the mood to podcast. Not to get too blue, but the bathroom situation is you've never experienced anything like in your life it's like you're on the luge at the olympics it's like when you put that 91 grade gasoline in your car it's just like yeah it's like oh why did i'll never go back to the way things were the front's the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life

don't bother with the front yeah just the butt part the guy had to hold my hands down because he was worried I would hit him oh my god holy shit also the password for his cash machine was 69

and I was like really and he was like well now I have to change it what are you doing spying on the dude's cash machine it's hard not to

it's hard not to I was waiting to put my card in and he just typed in beep beep and I was like okay Beth has a question about your Brazilian wax. I have a few questions.

I actually wasn't sure they were not allowed to, but I wasn't sure it was practiced for people with balls. I'm not sure. I had to call three separate wax places before they agreed to do people with balls. Anthony, if I called one place and they said no, I would never call another place ever again. I would assume that I was on a watch list and like, I'd be so paranoid for some reason.

I don't think it's like, because men are gross, although I'm sure that's part of it. I think they just don't have the experience doing it on the delegates of people with balls. I see. The weird thing is I drove there. I drove a half hour there and the address was just some guy's house. So I like text him. I was like, is this a residential? And he goes, oh yeah, it's a private practice.

I'm like, that doesn't mean what I, what you seem to think it means. So I just went into this dude's house and was more vulnerable than I've ever been in my entire life. And he starts flirting with me and I'm like, not right now. I'm literally on my elbows. I could not be in a worse position. And he's like, ha ha ha. You have nice eyelashes. I'm like, not right now. I'm literally on my elbows. I could not be in a worse position. And he's like, ha ha ha. You have nice eyelashes. I'm like, okay.

I genuinely don't know how to continue doing the podcast right now. I don't know what to do anymore. It's fine. It's fine. I do. He is fucking opening up all the time. Does he have like a referral discount? I can give you that.

I mean, honestly, he was very good. I was in and out there in like 20 minutes. You have to be if he's fucking doing the jewels, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's next level. he's fucking doing the jewels, dude. Yeah. Yeah, that's next level. If he's running the jewels, you know what I'm saying? So your 12 pack is looking nice right now. Yeah, okay.

Holy shit. All right, so when we last left our heroes, you all watched horrified, other than Daryl, who was under the uh the thrall of one of the aboleths yeah daisy and donald my my buds nice you saw as nicholas was swallowed whole by one of the aboleths on their turn so because we are still in combat that means we're still an initiative in initiative order now that's it if you want to like you know do character stuff and just react to it as one would feel free but the first thing you need to know is that for every turn that the Aboleth ends

with Nicholas still inside its stomach, Nicholas is going to take 2d12 poison damage. So I'm going to... He is healed to full, by the way. He is healed to full. He has 30 hit points as his max. So he just lost 17 hit points. From being swallowed?

From one turn of the Aboleth stomach acid working on him. He has less than half of his health remaining. Oh, God. Okay. So to remind you of the order, Ron, Glenn, and Daryl all rolled 20s on their initiative. So all of you go at the very top of the initiative. And then both of the Aboleths go.

And then Henry and then Jody goes. So because the Aboleth just swallowed the child, it is going to be Henry's turn next. Oh, jeez, Louise. I'm going to delay my turn so Jody can go first. Jody, I can beam you into that thing with a cool feature of mine. You can get your son out, okay? And you can come busting out with him. You can heal him in there. I can send you into that thing. Just hold on, okay? I need your consent to do it. What do you

mean beam? It's called Hidden Paths paths and I can teleport a one willing creature up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that I can see. Does that mean I can teleport it into the stomach of this thing, Anthony?

I think that'd be the definition of occupied. Yeah, that's what unoccupied means. You cannot do that, unfortunately. Jody, never mind. I'm sorry.

I can teleport you right up to it, though, if you want. Is his mouth still open? His ma is like ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, so it's kind of you know chomping the one that ate nick is still dancing right thanks to otto's irresistible

dance it is yes it is still dancing it's dancing in place thanks to the smooth beats of glenn close it's like a mini golf clown yeah you just gotta time it okay yeah because i don't have really a weapon on me because my gun has been taken away and i'm not gonna fire at this thing even if i because i could potentially hit the child. Good gun safety. I'm going to try and dive into the maw as it's dancing using my knowledge of the beast. The amount of times maw gets said on this podcast

is actually really wild. It's shocking. So I see Daisy dancing after just having eaten my child and in pure horror, I'm going to run at it and leap in and swan dive as best I can in between. It's Moz. It's, it's sort of doing its thing.

Okay. Like a mini golf course. Give me an acrobatics check. And play jazz ball. You son of a, it was on 18 and it just did that little thing where it went, and it hit two. Okay.

So with the two, you run and you dive through the air. Is that a really quick backup? Sorry. It's a four. Oh, that changes everything. It's a four total. Sorry. Okay, so with the two, you run and you dive through the air. Sorry, really quick backup. Sorry, it's a four. Oh, that changes everything. It's a four total, sorry. No, no, I just want to make sure because it gets a plus. No, thank you for interrupting me when I was in the momentum of describing what Jimmy was about to do. I'm so thankful we have those extra two points that really changed the nature

of the story. I don't like mean Anthony. Smooth Anthony's mean Anthony. I'm sorry, Anthony. I don't have to be nice now. I'm aerodynamic. I glide through the air effort Anthony. I'm sorry, Anthony. I don't have to be nice now. I'm aerodynamic. I glide through the air effortlessly. I've lost all need for human nicety. I slide into trouble. I slide my way out. So you dive through the air looking badass as hell with your fist outstretched,

but you just misjudge the seemingly random gesticulations of this dancing creature. And as you're about to go into its open mouth, it angles its teeth down just a little bit. And instead, your fist just impales itself on one of these sharp teeth on the outside of this creature. And your momentum basically stops dead

as your shoulder hits its face. And you fall back down into the moat, but your fist is still impaled by these teeth and still connected to the creature. Oh, God. I'm not dangling. So you're dangling.

Go ahead and take a D12 of damage. D12? Man, there's some teeth, dude. You're like losing your hand. It's going to be a nice low number. It's a three. All right. That's not so bad for teeth being through your knuckles, I guess.

Yeah. So we could call that a move if you want to try to do something else. Oh, I'm going to try and use my fist because I'm just channeling adrenaline. There's a lot going through my head. I'm starting to hear the distant drums of a led zeppelin song oh it's jermaker for some reason i'm gonna grab the other right one fist that one's for all you zap heads out there just you and me huh you hear hey there delilah getting louder and louder i hear closing time getting louder and louder but closing time is actually about him having a kid.

It's too sad. It can't be closing time. Oh man. Oh no. What's Hey There Delilah about? I don't know. Delilah? Some guy who knows

a girl named Delilah. About virgins. Hey there, Delilah. I saw you in New York City. I'm a thousand miles away. Who is this perfect character? I love this.

Tonight, it would be pretty if you and me, hey there, the lie, lie. Yeah, it's like literally just about an incel. Convince me otherwise. That is definitely a relative of scam likely. Amazing. Like speaks in the Civil War era,

like writing on the script. Okay, so with his fist impaled, he's going to use that to pull down and have his other hand grab the top of this thing and just like jam it in there into its like nostrils or something. So it just stops. Does Aboleth have nostrils? Not with that attitude.

So describe what you're doing. You're trying to. I'm grabbing its jaw. I'm trying to open it up and then go into this thing because I have no other way of getting into it. I need to. Like King Kong with T-Rex, I mean. I'm trying to pry its mouth open with one hand

using this leverage that's been impaled by this thing. It's in there already. I may as well use it to my benefit. Yeah, it does not have nostrils, but yeah, you can try to grab its lower jaw, essentially, and force its mouth open. I'm going to give it nostrils, Anthony. Okay.

And to force its mouth open. So I'm going to try and get in. I just need to get to my child because Jimmy, the person, knows that he's taken over half his life total. And if we can't get him out, he will literally die in the stomach of this beast. Give me a strength check.

Man, it's gonna be really sad for Glenn because it's his kid. That's gonna be a 10. Oh, God. With a 10, you grip onto the lower jaw of the aboleth pretty handily, but it understands

what you're about to do and it clenches its jaw really hard and its teeth just together. It's working against you. You can try again. It's not like locked there. But for right now, that mouth ain't opening unless you smash the teeth in or find another way in well it's your turn up next

right yes glenn's like just throw me up there bro put me in coach okay i flex hell yeah oh hidden pass is a bonus action okay that's great whoa i am going to beam glenn i slap a hand on glenn's back i said glenn you and that cop gotta put your bullshit aside and save your son zap and i zap him this thing's got like a nostril or something like a little shelf right yeah I'm putting him on like his face shelf

okay that happens can you three point stance when you land for anything blade stances and then while still in the blade stance just throws up

because getting teleported really fucks their center of gravity so imagine the blade stance like the blade landing and then just boom so you vomit on to the aboleth and Jody's the blade landing and then just. So you vomit onto the Appalachian and Jody's hand, I guess. And the Appalachian takes one acid damage from Glenn's fucking stomach.

No, it doesn't. It and the other Appalachian have still taken approximately zero damage from the daddies. OK, so like what if I'm not going to try this, but this is just a cute what if like what if we gave the Appalach a ton of pepto-bismol and so the stomach acid was neutralized and you laugh quick conjure bismol but here's what i want to do so first thing i'm going to do and this will probably be more like a henry next turn move but first thing i'm going to do is cast mass cure wounds which is a fifth level spell thank you i was going to ask for it i will read the description so that you know what it does a wave of healing energy washes out from a point

of your choice within range. Choose up to six creatures in a 30-foot radius sphere centered on that point. Each target regains 3d8 plus your spellcasting ability modifier. Is there a V for visual anywhere on that? Oh, you fucko.

Holy shit. What's happening? Where's our DM? Fucko. There is a V. I don't like it. It only took 57 episodes. V means verbal, bitch., there is a V. I don't like it. It only took 57 episodes. V means verbal, bitch.

It says verbal right here. I'm looking at it. It says verbal and semantic. Never mind. I made the exact same mistake I made 20 episodes ago. Still the same, Anthony. Kiss my ass, Anthony. Can your eyes roll back in your head in that case

if you don't need to see them? Yes, they do. They go, oh. Cool. I'm just trying to make this more anime, to be honest. So here's what I want to do. If you guys can crank its mouth open I have a spell

called control wind and I can do a down blast of wind and we can pump this thing's fucking stomach and make it barf up Nick. Oh my god. Send Nick down? It's not like it's overdosing on the kid it's having a grand old time eating it clearly. Yeah but like that's how they get you to throw up you know so we're gonna blast a bunch of air down its tummy and make him belch

up Nick. Yeah you can definitely cure the child. So go ahead and make that roll and let me know. Nick heals for 22. Hey. He's back up to full. Nice. You know what? Jody and Glenn would be within range of that thing as well.

So you guys are hurt. Hell yeah. That's why it's a fifth level spell, baby. Go ahead and let it top you off a little bit. Fantastic. Well, just for the safety of all the children listening. Stop listening, children. Stomach pumping is a suction out, not a push air into your stomach.

Can't you send the wind the other way? No, it's a suction. What if you start it outside, send it up its butt, and then send it all the way through the system out the mouth? There you go. Isn't it underwater? And water along with it and help cleanse that body in there, a little food cleanse. A bidet spell. Ron, Glenn, and Daryl

all have a 20 initiative, so you can choose what order you three would like to go in. I think Glenn will go first and try and wrench open the mouth. Yeah, Daryl's gonna go with his buddies in the middle. Okay, so Glenn's gonna be like, let me show you how to do it, you loser! And he's gonna try and wrench open the mouth with his powerful left arm. Oh, nice. Okay, give me a strength check.

Can I assist in doing the opposite, pushing downwards? Sure. Because I see him doing this. Okay. Aw. They're working together. Yay. I'm like, come on, Klad. You can got your kick, please.

That's strength with advantage, baby. First roll. I don't even need it, baby. Natural 20. 21 plus one. Wow. Oh, yeah. Hell yeah.

Describe how you pull this thing's jaw open. It's probably like a crocodile. You know how sometimes crocodiles are really easy to keep it closed? Hey there, croc. Oh, she's a beauty. But this is just the opposite. It's just like you can open this mouth really easily. You wrench it all the way back to an obtuse angle.

So then I think with the mouth wide open, Glenn's going to dive in. All right. He's so brave. I'm going to scream, get in there because I'm still impaled. I don't think you have to roll anything for this. Yeah, its mouth is open. It's like those water slides, you know, where to have you stand there, you have to hold your arms at your

shoulders. Like, are you ready? You're ready? And then the bottom drops out. Wait for my whistle. Freddie, I'm completely shaved. I know exactly what you're talking about. Oh my god. Okay, so you worm your way down this thing's throat

and basically all you see is complete darkness and you hear splashing and the pained grunts of Nicholas. And eventually you feel the tightness around your shoulders give way to an open space and you splash down into immediate pain, which is stomach acid. So you go ahead and take 2D12 of damage as well. 12 damage.

Okay. Now Ron or Daryl now starts the sitcom inside the summit between Glenn and his child. That's no longer his Ron scurries over to the mouth with the rope in his hand. That's attached to the lure and leans into the mouth. And I was like, Hey Glenn, um,

go fit. No, I know it's not like a really efficient. Here's your rope. If you want to get out, if you're okay. Um, anyways, no, I know it's not like a really efficient. Here's a rope if you want to get out, if you're okay. Anyways, it looks like we're really in the belly of the beast here, huh? Sorry. So I'm just going to leave this here.

Good luck. I guess give me a dexterity check. I got a 13. Final answer. Thank you. So with a 13, you managed to get the rope inside of its mouth, but you cannot convince the Aboleth to, uh, it doesn't go down the Aboleth's throat. It's just sitting there in its mouth. So currently Glenn and Nicholas cannot reach it unless it swallows

the rope. Honestly, like I'm just going to hop into the mouth and then feed more of the rope down, you know, repelling. You mean acrobatics check? 17 plus three, 20. All right. Then you can go ahead and describe how Ron dives into the, there are just not a lot of words for mouth. Mouth of this creature. Face hole. Gob.

Nice. The gob. Face butt. Ma is sounding better and better by the second, ain't it? The eye to the stomach. Her face anus. Oh no. Okay.

But there's what? No. Ron takes one step into the tonguey abyss he's like I take one more step before I'm Mr. Frodo okay

I guess I'm coming in and I'm here to save you but I don't know if I can do the whole saving thing thing so like I'm just gonna throw the rest of this rope down. Please be mindful of your hands so you don't get blisters, but just try to get back up here. Is it echo? Is the throat that long?

I think I caught a big one. That's what I'll say if you grab onto the rope. I'll be like, oh, big fish. Okay, so you easily managed to jump inside the mouth of this thing and feed the rope down its throat. Though you cannot see it because it's again pitch black the end of the rope is just dangling out into the stomach the acidy splashy stomach of the abeleth so daryl very much like bbq dad energy is kind of sitting

there with donald and he has just watched three of the dads enter the mouth of daisy he's like you know what don i really don't think you need that much help from me man you're you're daisy's doing pretty you said that's your first brood three or five years it takes for you guys to have a kid huh that's pretty wild that's pretty wild don um so you know what it's pretty cool um i think i'm just gonna hold off my turn for a little bit it seems like daisy's doing pretty good why don't you let me know when when you know what that ain't all right so daryl's gonna hold on to his good. Why don't you let me know when you know what you need from me, all right? So Daryl's going to hold on to his turn. No, I don't know about that.

I don't know if you can do that. Oh, you don't want me to? That's cool, Don. You just let me know what you want me to do then, man. It seems like Daisy's doing great. Okay, you know what? No, you can hold your turn

so long as once Donald decides what he wants you to do, you have to do it. I mean, yeah, I know. Now I have to do it. Okay, okay. I just thought you weren't trying to just be like putting it off.

Okay, that's fine. Let me tell you, if I waited around for a man to decide what to do. I am putting it off. I'm hoping somebody will like kill them before. Also, if I take damage, I can take a save. But like, I guess in character, nobody knows that. In character, nobody yet knows that you are brainwashed, correct?

Yeah. You're being real chill, Daryl. Hey, Ron, I hope you die. Good job, Daisy. Keep at it. Can I do a passive perception to see if Henry notices Daryl saying any of this stuff? What is your passive perception? Because that's just the number.

It's not even a roll. It is a 24. Whoa. Whoa. Well, gee, I guess then, yeah. No, like passive aggression. You can tell that something is awry with Daryl Wilson. Okay, I'm like, Daryl doesn't seem like his usual self.

I know he doesn't like Ron that much, but like, that's pretty aggro. Daryl notices like Henry like staring at him and Daryl just holds up a middle finger. Henry takes, I'm gonna roll four psychic damage for Henry. All right, it is now the Aboleth's turns. So Daisy is going to sense that there is a creature, a new creature inside of its mouth,

and it is going to attempt to enslave Ron Stampler. Ron, give me a wisdom saving throw. Can I just like roll? Give me a wisdom saving throw, Ron. Okay. So it's a 12. Ooh, you had to succeed a wisdom DC 14. Hey, Ron, sorry. I say, I hope you die.

Welcome to the team, bud. Daryl, I can say with complete confidence, I hope I die too. Happy to be here in the mouth. As you said, you feel, for the the first time like at home and safe. And for a second you feel like, oh, maybe this is what. For the first time? Oh, no.

This is what Willie must have felt like in his final moments as he's being dragged under the water. Like maybe this is your destiny. Maybe this is what you were supposed to do is be inside this creature in this moment right now. And when your turn comes around, it'll tell you to do something specifically. A real man belongs inside of a mouse. I'm going to cross-stitch on that one. That's going to be my license plate. For now, just know that it's such a good friend of yours.

Donald is going to attack... It's like just Henry out there now. Henry's feeling a little vulnerable right now, considering all of the dads just disappeared into this thing's mouth. And Daryl flipped you off. So it's going to make a multi-attack. It's going to try to attack you with three tentacles.

Pinball machine. The first one misses. Okay. The second two hit you across both cheeks. Which cheeks? I leave that to the audience to decide. Theater of the mind, you know what I'm saying? One of each, why not?

You take 24 bludgeoning damage. Good God. Oh my God. Give a dc 14 constitution saving throw and give me two of them you gotta pass both of them i don't like this game anymore okay so first one was a five oh god second one was a 12 okay how are we doing so you are diseased now this is not that bad okay so first of all the disease has no effect for one minute so this combat is not going to matter and it can be removed by any magic that cures diseases. But after one minute, your skin will become translucent and slimy,

and you won't be able to regain hit points unless you're underwater. And the disease can be removed only by heal or another disease-curing spell of six level or higher once one minute has passed. When you are outside a body of water, you will take six acid damage every 10 minutes unless moisture is applied to you before 10 minutes have passed. That's like what having eczema is like. If a minute passes and you haven't used something that cures diseases from you, you will have to be a soggy boy or you'll basically start taking a fair amount of damage.

In addition to doing that, Donald is going to turn its mind to Daryl and it's going to say. What's up, bud? Hey, man. Hey, good friend, Daryl. it's going to say what's up bud hey man hey good friend daryl uh could you uh go ahead kill henry for me um yeah no it sounds like a good idea i'm whatever you say bud that's great thanks man thanks um how do you want me to do it like i got i'm mostly an axe guy i do a lot of axe stuff but like i could definitely just like choke him to death or bludgeon him like fist him to death yes no i think like you know what not just axe stuff i'd love to see

you improvise a weapon and go after him that way to have your own rage i'd love to see you use all of your attacks on him just go really rowdy you know what i mean oh shit all right so daryl's like cool cool um let me think of something really cool something like like a really unique weapon that nobody's ever thought of before he picks up a big rock from the ground the all cane and able special the first weapon he's like i'm already enraged but no i'll give a i'll put a little extra rage on top just for you bud and then he gets a little extra more enraged and he uh leaps off the top of the i guess the moat and he's gonna kind of go and do a big swinging head slam with his rock i'm sorry will no make a roll make an attack i

have to role play donald should i try to kill somebody too? Daisy's like, first of all, you're mine. Don't worry about what Donald's doing. Donald and Daryl have their own relationship. You and I, you and I would go our ways. Oh, sorry, sorry. I'll let you know when it's, no, no, it's fine. You don't have to, it's okay, it's okay. I'll let you know when it's your turn. For now, just enjoy the warmth and the dark and the quiet and the moist. Oh, God.

Alright, give me a roll. Give me an attack roll. That's a 24 on the hit. Yeah, it's gonna hit. My rock is going straight onto Henry's skull. Great. That's going to be a D6 plus three with rage. And it's going to be a bonus action to attempt to grapple him afterwards. Cool. Okay, so you're going to take it.

With tax. Damn, we've done more damage to each other than to this freaking monster. Yeah. A lot more. Yeah. Good job, team. Ooh, one. Yay. So seven. Oh, that's not too bad not too bad the first one is seven damage after all that hey donald are you

sure you don't want me to use my axe no man no i want you to use the improvised weapon and when you grapple them i want you to just like push them under the water just keep them right down there under the water oh yeah that's cool that's cool drowning's great i like that oh my god and my second attack i hope you like this donald and i slam his head again, and that's also one plus three plus three. That's a seven. So two sevens, 14 damage. Ow! Daryl, cut it out!

Hey, Henry, I hope you die. And then I try to grapple him. Being a man is all about pain. You're doing great. Both of you make athletics checks. Henry, if yours is higher than Daryl's, he does not grapple you. Okay, I got a 14.

Ooh! On my screen, it looked like a 20, but it was actuallyle you. Okay, I got a 14. Ooh! On my screen, it looked like a 20, but it was actually a 2 plus 7. That's a 9. All right. You know what it is? Henry flashes back to, like,

some, like, Brazilian jiu-jitsu moves that, like, Lark and Sparrow are teaching each other, and he, like, remembers a little bit of Brazilian jiu-jitsu, maybe. I was gonna say that wasn't the type of Brazilian that Henry got.

Oh, my God. He's just a little bit slipperier now. Oh! Because you've taken your turn, both Apple S's are going to use legendary actions. They're both going to try to hit Henry with their tails. She's dancing, right? Yeah, so Daisy is going to do it at a disadvantage.

Yeah, it has to be a part of her dance move. Yes. Daisy lifts completely. Donald slaps you with his tail. You take 13 damage. All right. Henry's not doing so hot, guys. We need some moves here, guys.

Henry, it is your turn. Henry tastes his own blood like Bruce Lee. And he's like, oh, it's just because he realizes his hands are all slimy from the moat. He's like, oh, yeah. What happens if I use charm person on Daryl? I believe being charmed makes you immune to further charms. Tell that to my ex-boyfriend. I'm actually looking at this right now.

You can charm a charmed person. Tell that to my next boyfriend. Okay, I'm going to cast charm person on Daryl all right daryl what come on man you were buds this guy's a jerk what he's got you hitting people he's got you going against your pals like daryl that's not okay man you gotta just remember who you are you're daryl wilson you're a great guy you don't go hitting people on the head with rocks you're like a a tender loving husband to you oh your wonderful wife and your beautiful son. Thank you, son, Daryl. I mean, Donald's pretty rad. It's a DC 17

saving throw for wisdom. I got three. That's great. Wait, does that mean I'm It means you're also charmed by Henry. You are now charmed by both Henry and Donald simultaneously. You really like both of them. Love triangle. Do anything to make these two people happy. Henry, I miss my boy. I miss my dad.

I miss Carol. She died. She died. do anything to make these two people happy henry i miss my boy i miss my dad i miss i miss carol she died she died and donald hey donald you gotta meet my wife sometime man carol's great wait is carol what are you talking about carol's not dead yeah she's a mom carol's not dead you're talking nonsense does daryl think carol's dead i mean i buried her if we don't get out she's dead hayden's just shouting. Like, just chill, baby. Just chill. It's all good.

It's all good. Henry, I know you don't think Carol's dead, but I saw a primer, and even though it hasn't happened yet, but it did happen before, like, it's all the same. There's more of her or something. I don't know.

Okay, un-charm him. Give him back to the... Undo, undo, undo. Okay, well, I guess that's my turn. Can I tell Daryl to do something? On his turn, both you and Donald will tell him to do something, and we'll both roll to see which one he listens to. It's like at home with Gran and Carol.

So it's like Air Bud. Jody, it is your turn. Come on in, Jimmy. Let's just bust this thing open from the inside. So I cross my arms in front, preparing to enter into the gaping single nostril with teeth hole of this creature, and I point my feet down like I'm ready to go on the gaping single nostril with teeth hole of this creature and I point my

feet down like I'm ready to go on the water slide because I saw Glenn do it and deep down Jody was like Tom Cruise doing a halo dive Jimmy real quick would you say that swoop swoop is the sound of the police oh my god would you say that this fight makes you want to swoop it is as this cop is going into the belly of one avalanche okay so give me

an acrobatics check next time on Dun Dungeons and Daddy, Jimmy rolled a four? So with a four, you managed to jump into just the mouth of the creature. You're with me. So you basically land in front of Ron's stamp. I go, hey, Ron. Hey. So you're inside its mouth. Ron's pupils look a little bit dilated.

You just barely got a couple feet in there. But you think you're a big man now that you're in a mouth like me. You're not. I just stare around and go, could you help me get in here? And I point down. No. I'm going to grab the rope

and be like, I think he's shoveling it in too slow. So I'm going to use that and attempt to again, dive into the belly of the beast itself. Okay, that's cool. Yeah, we'll basically

call that a sprint. So yeah, you successfully managed to worm your way down the esophagus, holding on to the belly of the beast itself. Okay, that's cool. Yeah, we'll basically call that a sprint. So yeah, you successfully managed to worm your way down the esophagus, holding on to one end of the rope, and splash, you land inside the belly. It's pitch black, but you're holding on to the rope and you feel yourself inside the stomach. I forgot, the two people inside the stomach

when the ablis turn was done have to take 2d12 damage. So Glenn, go ahead and take 2d12 damage. Got it. Nicholas takes 20 damage. So he's at 10 then? Yes, he's at 10. 2d12 damage. Got it. Nicholas takes 20 damage. So he's at 10 then? Yes, he is at 10. I take 17 damage.

So now we're at the back of the top of the order and Daisy whispers to you, Ron, and she goes, Ron, Ron, are you there? Hey, hey, yeah, hey, Daisy. It's me, Ron. Do you know what would make me really happy? If I killed somebody?

Specifically, if you could cut that rope. Oh, shit. If you could just take one of your little razor sharp business cards and if you could cut that rope. Oh, shit. If you could just take one of your little razor sharp business cards and just slice right through that rope for me. Okay.

That would just be divine. I'm going to cut it real good for you business cards. Those are dull. I've got something real sharp. I take out the cantana of Kant.

And he's like, oh, hello. What are we doing? Oh, it's dark. Hey, so I'm here. I'm going to kill a lot of people. Oh, don't do that. It's okay, because that's what men do.

And I'm here. I'm a man. Men do not have to do this. You're going to have to convince me. If this is going to kill people, you're going to have to convince me that this is a reasonable course of action. Well, Daisy's... It's a persuasion check or something.

Well, while you convince me that it's not. So, you know, if we're doing business here... Well, there are several reasons not to kill your friends. One, they are your friends. Two, it appears you are currently under mind control by a creature who bears you ill intent. What? And three, you will require the consent of me,

moi, a German word, to cut this rope. And currently, I do not consent to this. So, this is going to be pretty difficult for you to make this work, mein Freund. So go ahead, and if you want to, roll persuasion. I feel like with disadvantage, because this is a clear-cut case

of you shouldn't do this as humanly possible. 16 plus... Uh-oh. You said 16? Plus zero, yeah. 16 plus zero. Yeah, you know what? What the hell?

Let's go for it. Fuck it. The katana slices through the rope and Jodi, inside the stomach, you feel all of a sudden the rope loses all tension and you plummet down into the stomach and you take 2d12 acid damage.

And the katana goes, oh yeah, that was fucking lit. That was cool as hell. Oh shit. Yeah, so in conclusion, even though I'm- Who's this Daisy? She sounds tight, yes. She's really great, yeah. Yeah. fucking lit that was cool as hell oh shit so yeah so in conclusion even this is daisy she sounds tight yes she's really great yeah uh yeah am i under my control maybe but feels great

wouldn't have it any other way i take 12 damage okay that's not so bad and so daisy says that's great ron just go ahead and stay there just use your whole move just staying in the mouth just make sure nobody gets out if anybody tries to get out through the mouth just make sure and hit him with that katana who's now on my side so that's that's great i'll tell him real just staying in the mouth just make sure nobody gets out if anybody tries to get out through the mouth just make sure and hit him with that katana who's now on my side so that's that's great i'll tell him real men stay in the mouth that is exactly something you should say to people and something we should have on shirts yes all right now glenn or daryl it is your turn i think there should be a role if donald wins the charm i think daryl would try to go first we have a charm off we will have a charm off So we'll just do a D20 roll and then add

your wisdom modifier or it's actually your charisma modifier, obviously. Yeah. So Donald got a 16. Natural fucking 20. Yes. Delightful. What do you say that so clearly pierces through the veil of the Aboleth's mind control that it reaches Daryl? I say, Daryl, it's just like in Jack Reacher. It's like everyone wants to tell Jack Reacher what to do, but Jack Reacher's got to make up his own mind. You know, I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do. You're just like Jack Reacher. You're like, you're your own man, you know? So just think about what Jack Reacher would do and do that. I put my hand out and I shake Henry's hand. I give him a big hug. I say, God, I miss watching Jack Reacher, man. When this

is done, me and you, we got to watch a Jack Reacher movie. I'm not crazy watching Jack Reacher, man. When this is done, me and you, we got to watch Jack Reacher movie. I'm not crazy about Jack Reacher. But, you know, I yeah, I'll you know, I you watch it and I'll I'll I'll you know, I'll I'll be there. But I don't know. I'm going to try not to enjoy the violence. Daryl can't help but wonder if maybe Donald likes watching Jack Reacher movies. You immediately feel a voice. Your head is like, hey, man, I don't know what Jack Reacher is, but it sounds like my cup of tea. Get out of my head.

All right, Glenn, you should go first totally. You got to save your son, man. I want to cast Dissonant Whispers on the Aboleth I'm inside of. If it fails on this wisdom saving throw, it must immediately use this reaction to move as far as its speed allows away from you. I want to argue that that means it would throw us up. Damn. It would certainly try to expel you from its body, yeah.

I think that's fair. Okay, what direction? I think it's easier to vomit on command than it is to shit, so I do think vomiting would happen. It depends on the person. I mean, no, one's a bigger hole out through the mouth than it is. Speak for yourself, Chad. I don't know if that's the logic I would use.

While I'm in there, I'm going to grab Nicholas, Nick, and hold him tight. Did you say speak for yourself, which is the bigger hole? I'm going to grab Nicholas, Nick, and hold him tight. Did you say speak for yourself? Which is the big girl? I'm going to cast Dissonant Whispers. I whisper Discord and meld it. Only one creature of my choice within range can hear. Racking it with terrible pain, obviously. Daisy, who I worded the stomach of, right? You were in Daisy, yes. And then I'm going to go

OOAH! You must make a wisdom saving throw. Wisdom 17. A 17? I'm sorry, you got a 19. Fuck! I mean, can I help bolster the role in any way if I realize that his wasn't enough,

but I understand what he's doing? Yeah, you know what? I like that. I like that you're helping him out. So yeah, why don't we say- You're gonna like harmonize with it, Jimmy. Just like in the Down With The Sickness song. Yeah, just like Down With The Sickness.

Yeah, Down With The Sickness was just a two-part harmony. If you can harmonize with Freddy in real life right now, then Glenn will get another attempt at Dissonant Whispers. Uh-oh. This might awaken something in me. I'm just going to do an octave, Jimmy.

That's it? You're just doing that? Three, two, one. Harmonize. I'm pretty sure that was not harmonizing. Ooh. Ah, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, ah. Ah. I'm pretty sure that was not harmonizing. It was. Well, that's pretty good. Tell it to the judge, which is me, and the judge does not care that much.

Damn. Jimmy, just go the third up. Just go one third up. I think you tried. I think you could hear it through the darkness of this belly, but the splishing and the splashing of the stomach acid just makes it a little bit hard to harmonize. My only move then will be to put Nick on my shoulder so he's out of the acid.

Just like the grandma in Dante's Peak. Oh my God. Yes, I'm going to Dante's Peak it. That's great. Can we take a quick, like, just pause, speaking of harmonizing, to remember that in Dante's Peak, when they are rowing across the lake of Acid, for some reason, they had the wherewithal to start singing Row, Row, Row Your Boat in a round. Yeah, that's right. In a round. I lost my goddamn mind. Like, yeah, you're like, you're doing it in a, I couldn't, I can't. Perfect movie.

Perfect movie. Let's say that by putting Nicholas on your shoulders, his weight pushes you a little bit deeper into the bottom of the stomach, and you're going to take 3d12 damage from the acid instead of just 2d12. Since it did succeed, it still takes half as much damage from Dissonant Whispers.

Okay. So that's going to be half of 3d6 psychic damage. Is that the first damage we've done against it? Yes. Yes. So you've done a full six damage to this Aboleth. To one of the two Aboleths. To one of the two Aboleths. Mission accomplished. So you've done a full six damage to this Aboleth. To one of the two Aboleths.

To one of the two Aboleths. Because you finished that turn and the Aboleth has now taken six whole damage. It is going to spend one of its legendary

actions or I guess both of the Aboleths are going to spend their legendary actions to once again try to hit Henry with their tails. Fucking hell. I'm sorry they're the

only one that's not on their team right now. I haven't even had time to fucking wild shape. So only one of them hits you. Okay. So it's going to do 12 damage to you. Okay.

As the tale comes, I go, let me do a little, I don't know, some sort of pun about reaching and Jack Reacher. I reduce his damage. Okay. Because I'm on his team now. Cool. You say, Henry, I'm going to protect you or die trying. The second Jack Reacher book by Lee Child.

How much do you reduce it by? That's minus 10. I take two damage? Great. Yes. Wow. It's been a real roller coaster. Buddy, I really think if you just gave Jack Reacher a shot, we could have a good, like,

I'm just saying, I'll cook you a veggie patty and we watch that flick. All right. Yeah. You know, I should be open-minded about media. So I'll give it a shot. But, you know, as long as you're open-minded about any questions or criticisms I have about the film, Daryl. We don't got to watch it.

It is your turn, Daryl. Hey, Peyton, buddy, where are you at? Yeah, Peyton should try and slap Daryl back into reality here. Where have you been, bud? I mean, you always ask me to not get involved in the fights and to stay safe. So I've been hiding behind this bush. I've been hanging out. I always want to get rowdy, but you always try to stop me. So you want me to get

rowdy? Do you want me to jump in? Nah, it didn't work well for the other kid. He's just staying there. That's a good plan. Good job, bud. Alright, well then don't be judgy. Hey, Peyton, throw a rock at him. It'll be funny. I bet you... I bet you can't hit him. Oh, you think I can't? I hold my turn for

Peyton's turn, so Peyton can throw a rock at him. Oh, there's gonna be egg on your face, Mr. Oak. Ooh. Ooh. He rolls a four. He throws a rock, and it sails completely over your left shoulder, and without missing a beat, he's like, first one's a warning. It's all good, bud.

You haven't had a lot of time to play catch. We'll play catch when this is all done. Well, I mean, Henry, you got to tell me what to do bud kick that thing's ass daryl go smack cut a big hole in its stomach cool cool cool cool and i point at daisy yeah i'm just gonna fucking swing at this thing yeah i roll a 15 on the first hit that is going to just barely deflect off of its kite in the shell son of a bitch and then i turn around i and I swing again. Okay. Oh, man, I got 12. Darn it, Henry, sorry. I'm just freaking rusty right now.

Donald's like, I see what you're doing. Keep it up, man. I look at him and say, but even big boy Daryl here just misses sometimes. The Aboleth that was dancing on the end of its turn, it actually did successfully save, so it's no longer dancing. Oh, man.

So with Daryl's turn done, it's going to spend its last legendary action of the go-around. Daisy and Donald are both going to try to attack Henry. Oh, man. So I have exceptionally bad news. Oh, boy. They both hit.

So one hits and the other crits. Oh, my God. So you are going to take 96 plus. 96? What? I'm sorry. Each hit is 3d6 and then plus five. So it's going to be 96 plus five.

Oh, my God. So you take 27 damage. All right. Well, Henry goes down and I believe is in water. So that's probably not great. Shit. So yes, Henry unfortunately goes unconscious in water. And now it is the two Aboleth's turns.

So Daisy, now free of the dancing, sees Daryl's, I guess, divided loyalties. It shrugs as much as Nableth is capable of doing so. Daisy is going to dive into the water and just spend her whole turn just dashing away from Daryl and Henry. So if you imagine the moat as a circle encircling Book Castle and you all are at midnight, basically, Daisy dashes all the way to nine o'clock. Oh my God. So you'll have to take a full dash essentially to reach her if you are outside of Daisy.

If I was leaping with the ax, I probably landed on Daisy and was like swinging my ax at her. Can I roll like a dexterity or something to try to hang on? Sure, but since you actually missed your attacks, why don't you roll that dexterity with disadvantage? First one's an 11.

Not great. Second one's a 10 and I get plus three four this is not deck save is it so it's a 10 a 10 it bucks you off the second it starts swimming in the other direction i hit the water and i watch it go and then a rock hits my head and i go good job you're welcome baby i told you i'd do it okay so oh god this is awful donald is going to dive into the water and not even have to roll for it because Henry is unconscious.

It's just going to open its whole mouth and just swallow Henry down into its stomach as well. Oh, fuck. He's going to get food poisoning though. Okay, so you take 2d12 damage, Henry. Okay, how does that work with being dead? If you get to negative whatever your max HP is, you are dead forever.

2d 12. Go ahead, Anthony. I don't roll my own damage. Oh, you don't really damage. No. When has that ever been the rule?

That's a good point. I forgot. I like to think that as like a rich person thing to say that I don't roll. I don't, I have people to do that for me. You're going to hurt me. You better roll it yourself, baby.

Henry takes 13 damage. He's being swallowed by this thing. Glenn, you take 20 damage jesus jody you're gonna take 15 damage and nicholas because he's held up above the water he only takes 1d 12 damage god he only takes 3 damage he's at 7 hp he's at 7 hp son of a gun so now henry it is your turn give me a death save so how do i do that so here's how a death save works when you have zero hp or less you go into death save. So how do I do that? So here's how a death save works. When you have zero HP or less, you go into death save mode. That means on your turn, you have to roll just a straight D20. It's luck. It's not modified by any stats. If the roll is 10 or higher, you succeed. Otherwise you fail. On your third success, you become stable. You get one HP back. So you are essentially,

you can't really do anything too sexy, but you're conscious and you're not going to die. You're stabilized. If you get three failures, your character is dead forever. If you take damage equal to your max HP, but like negatively, so if you have 50 HP as your max and you take negative 50 damage, you are dead forever,

regardless of how many successes or failures you have. So on this turn of Henry's, go ahead and give me your first death save. Really, D20. You're going for 10 or higher. I got a six. Oh, no. All right, so that's one failure.

You were two failures away from Henry being dead forever. Mm, great. Jody, it is now your turn. I want to have a conversation with Jody in this little scene here if we could because we're all in the stomach here and we're flying away.

Okay. My knees are buckling and I go, Jody, there's a lot of crazy shit going on here. But you're going to need to come to terms real fucking quick with the fact that you're part demon. And I know you don't want to think about it. But you can't lie to yourself forever. Believe me. That's what I did, man.

I've been lying to Nick this whole time. And it tears me up more than anything else. More than any of this shit anything else. More than... More than any of this shit, man. I'm... What? I'm a DJ, okay? What are you talking about?

You think I can make a living just playing Christmas music? What? Just 11 other months in the year, dude. The rest of the time, I got a fucking public storage space in Reseda. I got some PA speakers in there i play weddings and events oh my god i i'm more of a dj than i am a cool rock bard i've always kept it from nick okay and i've been lying to him and i can't ever and i i realize lying to yourself, man, you're only going to hurt yourself. I know Nick, and he's the kind of kid that doesn't care who you are.

He doesn't care if you're a cop. He doesn't care if you're a rock star. He just wants his dad, all right? So if you can just be a fucking dad for him, I don't think he'll care if you're a demon, but I could use you as a demon right now. You know when Henry kind of offhandedly said that Glenn's special powers to get all the uncles on the dance floor he was right i don't know how he knew it he probably sussed it out but he was right okay that is my special power i i play the fucking cha-cha slide and the fucking uncles go crazy

okay i know exactly when to drop the Cupid shuffle. I know nobody likes the fucking line dances, but I do it. Okay? I fucking play the line dances. I play the fucking line dances. We gotta go.

They're playing We Are Family. You know why I play the fucking line dances? It's not because I like them. It's because I have to. I imagine as I'm watching this, he's just sinking slower into the beast.

It's the scene from Volcano where the guy jumps off the thing and he slowly melts in. It's just that. He throws the guy. So Jody, I could use your help, man. So Jody, as he's saying this, you hear that music. And you see a vision of yourself clad in fire, both shapeless and formless, except for the pure beauty of your flame.

And you know, to more or less assertitude, that you could very easily get rowdy on these two Aboleths, that your level is considerably higher than theirs. That said, you also know that very much like Pringles, once you pop, you cannot stop. And who knows how violent you may get once killing comes back into your uh your purview as a character that is just it's a thing that i love to do it's your favorite thing it's great that's what demons love to do and you may not be able to shut it off but who knows well so the first thing i want to do

because it's my turn correct it is now your turn. Henry's in here. He's literally dying. Henry is in the other Aboleth. He's in the other Aboleth? Yeah, Henry is in Donald, but the rest of you are in Daisy. Is he within range? No, you are at nine o'clock on the moat

and he is at 12 o'clock. I'm just trying to think. You also, I know it seems like I'm trying to railroad you into this, but you genuinely don't have to. I have another way out of this that doesn't involve you turning into a demon. No, no, but at the same

time, you know, maybe Jimmy Wong needs to get back to his life without the podcast. What? There's life without a podcast? Yeah, I just go straight to my other podcast, actually. I'm going to cast something called Beacon of Hope.

Beacon of Hope is a spell that bestows hope and vitality. I choose any number of creatures within range for the duration each target has advantage on. Wisdom saving throws and death saving throws. And they regain the maximum number of hit points possible from any healing source. So if anything heals them, it immediately maxes it out. Whoa! It's a third level spell. That's a great spell.

The fire of the acid on his skin reminds him of the flames if you've watched the recent mortal kombat movie the main character has flashes of scorpion every time he looks at like an old picture or he hears the name and that scorpion's stuck in hell and it's surrounded by flames and so that's sort of a similar you know i get my inspiration from movies like that okay so if you're keeping track the movies that you need to watch dear listener are dante's peak volcano moral kombat nobody feel you need to watch, dear listener, are Dante's Peak, Volcano, Moral Combat. Nobody feel the need to watch Moral Combat in order to understand what Jimmy's saying.

I literally watch it. My eyes did not leave the screen and I did not see that. I fell in love with it. And what's stuck in my head is a weird combination of two things. So I start chanting as I begin to cast this spell and to imbue everyone

around me with hope and vitality that we're going to get out of this i start going get up come on get down with the sickness get up come on get down with the sickness get up come on get down with the sickness and it's starting to do this mashup with a gun and then glenn also for bardic inspiration starts helping along. It's a sweet medley. Only one that a DJ could imagine in their head. That's true. It's the ultimate mashup mix.

Remixing it. I was going to say it's called Down with the Immigrant, but that's a really bad mashup title. No, get up. Come on, get down with the immigrant, because you want to get down with the sick. Okay, sure. That's way better.

So I'm getting down with the immigrant. As the drums peak, Jody just lets out a primal and glenn harmonizes jody like hears it and she's just like you're ruining it okay yeah you're right it It's on my vocal range. You guys all have to do it. Matt, go.

You got it. And there we go. Matt is invited to karaoke. Ooh, that's good. And you're dying. That's your death curl. Henry does that as he's sizzling an acid in his sleep. Peyton, what does Peyton sing?

Oh, my gosh. We need to hear the Ron harmonizing version. Oh my gosh. Holy shit. So I would like to argue, Anthony, that the impact of this beautiful vocalization does cast Beacon of Hope on Henry as well, who will get a advantage on death saving throws.

I like that. OK, so as you embrace your inner truth and you hit that note, as you hit the drop on Immigrant Song, all the dads that you have befriended in the time you've been together,

however brief, although it has felt long at times, not because of your fault, it's more of an Anthony problem that it's felt long for a while, but like in the time that you've been with them, all of their voices, without even them your fault, it's more of an Anthony problem that it's felt long for a while, but like in the time that you've been with them all of their voices, without even them

realizing it, they open their mouths and they also, as you just heard, and they join you in this one moment of song, and inside the stomach of Daisy the Aboleth where it's pitch black, there's a pinprick of light that appears within your chest and that light, as you sing

gets brighter and bigger and brighter, and it becomes a flame. And that flame explodes outward from your chest, and it illuminates the face of Nicholas Foster. And you didn't see this when it was pitch black, but as Glenn was talking about how he had to lie to Nick about who he is and about being a DJ and all these things,

Nick also felt something inside of him. His cheeks are wet with tears because it's so confusing and he feels his spirit being pulled in two different directions. He feels and hears within him and as Glenn talks, it gets louder and louder and he begins to understand the voice of Glenn Close

is becoming familiar to him. He begins to remember the voice of Glenn Close is becoming familiar to him. He begins to remember the voice of Glenn Close in his ear comforting him when times are tough. Sitting next to him and not talking when he gets home from school as they just watch Face Off. Or play Call of Duty and fucking Prestige twice. Or play Call of Duty or do any number of things that are not talking about his feelings.

And as that dun-dun-dun-dun gets louder in him, a fire ignites in his chest as well. And it gets bigger and brighter. At the same time, both of your chests explode with fire. You become entirely a creature of flame and rock and vengeance and violence. And he becomes half of that. He becomes exactly 50% of that.

In the light of his own fire, Glenn, as you look up at him, for a brief moment, it's Nick. And he looks at you dead in the eyes. And for a second, all of his confusion and all of his fear and all of his panic are replaced with just the briefest flash of recognition. The world goes entirely quiet and you see this child look at you

and he just says, almost to himself but in a way that is crystal clear, it just rings like a bell in your ear, he says I'm ready. Ready for the big ride baby! And he explodes and his hair turns into fire and

a guitar appears in his hands and the top of the aboleth explodes and Ron is thrown into the air. Ron is eviscerated. Ron, suddenly you feel all the sadness in the world. It's the one person who truly understood you. His head just exploded, and you were once again alone with your thoughts. But fuck you.

We're not talking about you right now. Okay. Incredible. You fall into the moat. As you fall, Jody, you remember. You are not Jody. You are Zhao De, the demon of rock and anger and pain. And you remember that when you were constrained

in the battle acts of hatred, that there was one name written on it. And that one name became a very big priority to you, that it was somebody that you would try to save at all costs. And that name was, hi, I'm Ron. So as Ron falls, you feel an instinct stronger than almost anything other than your obligation to your son to rescue Ron. The way he's falling, he's going to crack his head on the side of the moat and it's going to be bad.

So what are you going to do in this moment, Jodi, that you have the powers of a demon? You could go pretty buck wild or you can Google like D&D. There's a demon called Balor that I based a lot of your stats off of. Balor? B-A-L-O-R. A ballerer if you will call me balor i believe oh yeah that makes sense so i've exploded in light i look as cool as the balrog oh my gosh look at all these things oh shit this thing's fucking badass yeah it's very cool

guys jim if you wanted to he could take us down with him he could kill every person on this podcast you just ended right here right now and the podcast you coward i mean if i'm not on the Jim, if he wanted to, he could take us down with him. He could kill every person on this podcast. You could just end it right here, right now. End the podcast, you coward. I mean, if I'm not on the podcast, why should it continue? You know, honestly. I'm going to look up and I spy Ron with my little eye and I go, I am Ron.

And I'm going to teleport and I'm just going to blink out of existence with all my equipment up to 120 feet to right literally where Ron is and just do the thing where it's like in the lines across like it's anime like fucking Goku shit yeah yeah I Goku right up to Ron and literally as Ron's in the air I Goku with my arms out so he just gently lands in my warm extremely hot embrace but I can control my flames so I use it to make a nice bed for Ron's body and the rest of my body is

explodes in flames a little more because obviously I have to, you know, temper it here. That's dope as hell. Just so fucking cool. Really cool. It's fucking dope. I feel like now that you've done this,

you also get a turn as Balor the demon. So you've done that. You saved Ron sort of as a reaction from where you are in the sky. You can see Donald at the other end of the moat and you can sense that Henry You saved Ron sort of as a reaction. From where you are in the sky, you can see Donald at the other end of the moat, and you can sense that Henry is inside of him. Oh my god.

And Daisy is okay, right? Daisy's dead. You exploded the head off of Daisy. He's dead. He just blew off. That's why Ron's a little bad. No more damage is going to get done to the kids or anything. They're fine. They're just in the water. We all live happily ever after. Okay, when I talk about kids, I meant the other dads, by the way. Everyone is a kid to you now jimmy you gotta

do the anime thing where you teleport and it's just like oh you didn't hit it at all or did you and it slides and you know i'm saying yes you just teleport to the other side of the mode and you stand there's like what did he do and then all of a sudden the thing explodes behind you okay so i do have a multi-attack i can make make two attacks, one with my longsword and one with a whip. Fuck, dude. So what I'm going to do is, now that I'm holding Ron, and I look at Ron and I go, Want to go for a ride?

I, no. It's been a really hard day. I look down. Are we above the water now? You are above the water, yeah. Okay, I'm going to literally position Ron to drop down feet first in the way that you would go, and I just let go of him,

and so he drops into the water. He drops harmlessly into the water, like he just jumped off a diving board. Oh, God. As Ron down there splashes into the water, you see Nicholas the Demon, which we call him, so we call him Nick D.

You see Nick D. Nick Cannon. You see Nick Cannon. You see Nick the Cannon Foster. His name is now Nicky Six. Nicky Six. Jump onto his flaming guitar, and it begins to levitate,

and he just rises up to meet your eye, and he just nods at you with flaming eyes and he goes after you dad oh damn he has like a guitar hoverboard little nicky the movie that's like in hell yeah yes little nicky unfortunately it was when i was hoping nobody would mention that's his name sorry oh damn do the voice chicago i don't know i've never seen the movie it's very bad it bad I did a perfect impression of it it's a bad movie so I'm gonna use my whip

and I'm gonna and I'm gonna wrap the whip around it can magically extend wait I missed that you had a whip I didn't even know you had a whip

oh my god it just gets better and better he's got a lightning sword and a fire whip that's what Balor has or Balor oh god

okay so I whip super hard and it wraps around the whole body of the aboleth that contains Henry and as I tighten it I look at Nicketh that contains Henry. And as I tighten it, I look at Nick and go like, your turn.

So as you tighten it and flames begin to cook the throat of the aboleth as it's like, and Daryl, you can hear Donald going, dude, dude, don't let me go like this. Let me ask Henry, what's up? You hear nothing. Henry is dying inside of that thing.

All right, I'm coming. And I start swimming towards Donald. Nicholas flies toward the Aboleth on his guitar and then leaps into the air, reaches down, grabs his guitar, holds it up like a sword and slashes. And right where you've tightened the whip around his neck, he just whoosh chops into the neck of the Ablath and basically slices it, not completely off, but just like in half. So now he's

like a Pez dispenser basically. And green mucus and blood just begin to spurt out of it. Thankfully, none of it Henry's because you would be able to smell the granola. It is clearly dying and it starts to sink into the water and it is dead. It's dead. You both have father and son demonically have killed the fuck out of this creature. Now you are going to give me a wisdom saving throw to make sure that you don't have a continued hunger for murder. Oh no. I see.

I do get plus two on saves, which is great. Oh, I rolled a natural one. What? Yeah. I rolled a natural. You can see it right great Oh I rolled a natural one What? You can see it right there I rolled a natural one Plus six I have plus two the same throws Are you fucking kidding me? But I rolled a natty one that's all that matters

Are you fucking kidding me? I wouldn't have it any other way Alright so you destroy this thing But you feel it You've spent so long as Jody trying to be a good boy, trying not to kill anybody, trying to be a paragon of virtue and nonviolence. And now he's got a Brazilian wife.

And now you feel you're in the killing mood and you have to kill something else. I was the best boy. I was such a good boy. You feel it. You gotta do it. So with that natural one, I just like, instead of taking any moment

to process what just happened, I just get that like, like happy look on my face. Like, oh, this is what I meant to do. And I spin my head around and I scan below. And obviously I'm not going to hurt Ron. That's completely still against me.

All right. Go for it. Ron's my baby boy. Ron's the number one. You know, we all love ron his harmony was the best of the whole group by street team street team and i just do the little like laser eye terminator point what is the scouter saying yeah and i lock on to the most powerful person in the group the highest level person obviously with the biggest arm clearly because i want to kill the strongest

and i look directly at glenn close with murderous intent and you remember everything that happened to you when you were jody. So you remember this guy antagonizing the shit out of you. Constantly trying to ruin your shit and trying to outdo you and arguing with you in front of your son and stuff. So there's some of that residual anger is probably simmering a little bit below the surface.

Yeah. And as a rock and roll demon, you know that as a DJ, he never paid for the music. No. Yeah, that's actually the... Nothing but pirated... No AS but pirate royalties coming from this guy just call me lime wire it does that anime thing where it just cuts to the mouth and you just see

glad go yeah so i'm gonna take a legendary action which is just i get to do whatever the fuck i want and as my whip sort of like coils back into my hand, this time I raise up my sweet lightning long sword and I do a cool like, like I'm in Mulan or some shit, you know? And I- And then Glenn draws his gun. This is the fucking most metal fucking shit.

Cowboy Bebop! Yes, so you've got the gun Joe Demon has Joe Demon Has the lightning blade And Joe Demon Begins to scream Towards you

Like a bat out of hell Which he is I guess And Glenn pulls the hammer back And Let's see you dodge this You can feel your hair Begin to stand on end As the static electricity

From the lightning blade Begins to get closer And closer to you Zack Snyder movie Oh my god This is so sexy This is the fucking most metal This podcast has ever gotten.

Our hair is both being blown back by what we're doing and it's like a slow motion thing like the Valkyries in Thor. Glenn's bullet meets your sword but it's like two energy beams and Glenn's gotta squeeze the trigger even harder to keep the bullet going.

I wanna be clear also, Glenn's holding the gun cool sideways. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course, obviously. Oh, nice, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With one hand, yes. With one hand, like the hair's holding the gun cool sideways. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, of course, obviously. Oh, nice, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With one hand, yes. With one hand, like the hair's kind of covering an eye.

Maybe not that. It'd be harder to aim, but you know what I'm saying. Just a little bit of blood dribbling out of the lip. Also, Ron is like looking for the lure and is not looking at any of this. Yeah, Ron's just like, oh, I lost the lure. Yeah. Glenn, you feel your finger begin to tighten

around the trigger of your human gun. Joe Demon, you feel the rush of adrenaline going into your hand as you prepare for the jolt as the sword enters Glenn's body and gives you that bloody satisfaction. And Glenn goes, hey, I always knew it'd end like this. The moment I became a Christmas rock and roller. And the moment I picked up a guitar,

I knew this is how I would end. And then the last moment before you can make contact and blood can be spilt, a single guitar chord plays so loud that it deafens you. There's a shockwave. And suddenly...

Glenn's hearing is already shot, so he doesn't react. And suddenly little Nick is floating between both of you on his guitar and it blasts both of you backwards. And he looks at you, Joe Demon, and he shakes his head. And he turns, and he looks at you, Glenn, and he just gives you the smallest nod.

Oh, God. Is it a down nod or an up nod? It's a down nod. Dang. Okay, shit. It's, hmm, it's not sup. Shit. Oh, damn.

Fuck, dude. It's clearly sup, which goes up, and dun, which, shit. It's, hmm, it's not sup. Shit. Oh, damn. Fuck, dude. It's clearly sup, which goes up, and dun, which goes down. And he turns back to you, Joe Demon, and he goes, let's go home. He makes a devil horns with his fingers, and he draws a circle in the air that cuts reality apart.

Can he do his eyebrows right after with, like, flaming fingers? He does, and the flames lick off the corners of his eyebrows. And little Nick cuts a hole into reality that leads directly to the infernal plane where you can hear rock music and fire and screaming and pain and awesomeness.

And he gestures to it, Joe Demon, and you know that your mother, Dee Snider, is in there and she's waiting to see you. And it's been a very, very long time since you've seen her and she's waiting for you. And you know your place is in the infernal realm with your son and with your mother. You enter the realm of what's called our Rolodex. And when you have a schedule opening, we'll bring you back in. Yeah. You enter the realm of Google calendars where the power of scheduling will eventually allow you to return to this realm.

Is Ashley Burch also chilling down there? Yes. And like the Hey Real People? Yeah, Hey Real People down there. Yeah, Jenna's down is down there damn they're rocking out what are you gonna do in this moment to say goodbye if at all i take off my badge which is dangling off of my now it's monstrously buff chest and i look at it and in the reflection you know how it's kind of warped it's like one of those moments where you say it's like the warped reflection dude so i look at it and i kind of see my face in it both as human and when i turn a little more turns the demon and back to him it's like one of those pictures that you never want to touch it gives you the icky wickies when you touch it you know like but you move the picture you see both things so you sing reflection from mulan it cuts right down the middle of my face and on one side i feel

my family devotion requiring me to do something. Okay, so actually, truly, that's what's happening. I don't shed a tear, but I definitely feel a tinge of an emotion that I think a demon never feels. Because I'm supposed to be someone that gets powered by hatred and rage. by hatred and rage. And I remember that even though every single person in this family of daddies and friend Glenn has just taken extremely nonsensical actions and put us all in danger,

always seemed to forget they even had kids, just constantly were doing things that were against my Jodi Foster nature, I still feel a deep, deep enduring love for all of them. But it's very distant, even as it was distant in Jody as well, because you can never really let that part of him open. And as I feel that, the badge keeps turning

and I get back to my really sick looking demon face and I look at it and I'm like, oh yeah, that's who I am. And I, bing, and I flick the badge down to Ron in the water. Oh no, I'm under arrest now. I'm going to look at Ron just knowingly that you're still my dude and I got to protect you. So I'm here for you.

You look so scary. Okay. You know how to summon me. How do I summon you? You can feel, you get one save. If you're ever really in danger and the conditions are right, we'll roll and there's a chance

that Joe Demon will break the barrier between the planes and come to your rescue. Might not happen. He might roll poorly, but he'll know when you're in bad danger.

Or I might be busy like reading a book or hanging out with my mom, doing anything. He might be doing a Magic the Gathering podcast. He might be hanging out with Post Malone.

I might be podcasting. Yeah, no, that, yeah. Okay. Podcasts down in hell are pretty sick. Yeah, no, I understand. All right,

so are you gonna head through the portal or do you have anything else you want? Yeah, no, that... Yeah. Okay. Podcasts down in hell are pretty soon. Yeah. No, I understand. All right, so are you going to head through the portal, or do you have anything else you want? Yeah, I'm going to start flying towards the portal,

tucking my wings in, and just pew, like a little comet on its way out. A bright, shining star of a podcaster. And everybody claps. Little Nick turns

and gives a glance to each of the dads. I assume by this point you'll all have, have like dragged Henry back onto shore and healed him up and everybody's conscious and stuff. And Peyton's there just pushing on Henry's chest, even though Henry's already awake again. One, two, three, four, five, six. Bye bye, Butterfree. Little Nick just looks across all of you wordlessly.

And then once again, just locks eyes with Glenn. Glenn turns over to him and he goes, hey, Nick, proud of you, buddy. He cocks a half smile at you and he throws up the devil horns. I throw the horns back. And then he turns the devil horns into a middle finger and he jumps backward through the portal and he goes, ha ha!

And Glenn goes, nice. Yeah, and the portal closes behind him, leaving you in the silence as Joe Demon and Little Nick disappear back to their home, and for the second time in your life, you have lost someone very important to you. Glenn turns to the rest of the group and goes like, fucking Joe, the guy really milked his fucking eggs, am I right? What an

asshole. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Yeah, it's gonna be alright, it'll be alright, cause that's just life and if you die, it'll be alright, cause that's just life. Even if you die, it'll be alright. It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright, it'll be alright, cause that's just life.

All you do is try, it'll be alright. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson, Anthony Birch as our DM, Will Campos as Henry Oak, Beth May as Ron Stampler, Freddie Wong as Glenn Close, and Jimmy Wong as Jodie Foster. Theme song is All Right by Max Stinn-Waller. Courtney Theron is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager.

Chad Ellis provides additional editing, and Robin Rapp is our transcriber. Special thanks to our patrons, Folks like Matthew Moe, dues, Mike, pal Freeman, Nathaniel, a column,

sensual Sona, Eric King, Morgan, Lisa, Linda, Mervine, Arnaldo, Liva,

clay, Tilton, Ivan Sesson, Austin, Ives, Matt Brown's, Balal, Balal,

Yumiko, Hampton, Caroline, Bear, Stad, Rachel Gaines, Gorloff, and Lucas M. Jansen.

If you're hankering for more dad content, you can find it on our Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Talking Dad, which is available at all levels of support, is an after show where we talk about the episode and you'll hear tasty and tantalizing what-ifs, including the dad facts too spicy to make it onto the main episode. There's a bunch of other rewards for you to check out as well there's a discord where we do listen along parties every time a new episode is released it's a grand old time check it out https colon slash slash patreon.com slash dungeons and dads aol keyword daddies this episode marks if everything goes according to plan the last episode before we return to in-person recordings as everybody has been vaccinated. We've been holding off on recording the latter half of the final Star Wars bonus stretch goal until we can record in person.

So that's where that is. And new patrons will have that to look forward to as well. That's right. We did a Star Wars miniseries. Check out our Patreon. You can find us on Twitter at Dungeons and Dads. Our subreddit is r slash Dungeons and Daddies. Merch and more at DungeonsandDaddies.com.

Hope everyone in the U.S. got their taxes done. Our next episode comes out June 1st. We will see you then. There was a time when you could read between the lines You know they never brought you down Never brought you

down And that flame explodes outward from your chest and it illuminates the face of Nicholas Never brought you down