Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 61 - Death of a Salesman

Episode Date: June 29, 2021

The dads dig deep into Ron's mind to retrieve his anchor.This episode contains profanity, violence, sexual content, emotional abuse, violence towards children, animal cruelty, and body horror.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCourtney Thérond is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerChad Ellis did some additional editingRobin Rapp is our transcriberCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. cube for a limited time only at your local participating Bullywugs. 64-ounce tropical gelatinous cubes are buy one, get one free. But hurry, this offer's only good while supplies last. You know what they could do when they run out of cubes? What's that? Split one of those gelatinous cubes in half. Get two of them, right? Yeah, they could.

Anyway, today's play comes all the way out from Swankery Hill, where two longtime rivals face off, Ron Stampler and Willie Stampler, meeting one-on-one for some tense emotional conversation. That's father and son right there. The stakes could not be higher. Now watch this play right here by teammate Glenn Close. We don't need to fucking lay a finger on you, loser. We got a goblin army on the way already.

Invokes a goblin army. And I know what you're thinking. Does this guy know how this game works? Threatening what is clearly a high level sorcerer with goblins? Willy thinks he sniffs some weakness here and almost casually pounces on the opening. Goblins?

I fucking eat goblins for breakfast. Oh, what's this? Uh oh. Post with a big grin on his face knew it was coming, has Willy right where he wants him, and moves in with the kill shot. You mean Goblin on these nuts? Game, set, and match. TKO.

This fight is over. That crowd going absolutely bananas. Let's go now to the post-fight interview. You went for a deez nuts right off the top. An insanely risky move, but it paid off for you tonight. What was your strategy coming into the fight? Yeah, I've just been doing a lot of training, working on fundamentals. I knew we couldn't go long against this guy head-to-head, so when I

saw the opening early in the round, sometimes it's just there, you gotta take it. Anything you'd like to say to your fans watching at home? Winkelos will never die. My name will ring immortal throughout all of time. Nick, if you're out there, we did it, baby! And that's the play of the day.

When we return, superstar singer, businessman, and stepfather, we go deep into the mind of Ron Stampler. That's coming up next. Stick around. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about... Okay, let me do the math here really quick. Three dads, one of their friends from our world, and one rat from the other world that they got into

on a quest to rescue their lost sons. Time out, time out. It's four dads and the rat does not get... I don't know that it's about the rat. No, you're a dad because of the rat. You're a rat daddy. Yeah, and the rat does not get front credit. I don't know that it's about the rat. No, you're a dad because of the rat. You're a rat daddy. Yeah, and the rat's part of the equation. On a quest to rescue their lost sons and stay friends with their rat kids.

Freddie's drunk with power. He's just throwing his rat in at the top of the credits. How does the rat get into the building but our sons don't? We don't say it's a podcast. They rescue their lost sons. It should be four dads who rescue their lost sons and rat son. Well, the rat son's rescued, though. Who rescued who with the rat, though?

That's true. Who rescued who? True, true, true, true. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bard dad of the group. This week's Glenn Facts. Glenn's favorite Disney World attraction. An old one.

Adventure Through Inner Space. That was the old one where you could fly around through, right? You're in a little thing and you're flying through the body and the CG's real bad. I barely remember that one. Yeah, a lot of people barely remember, but Glenn remembers that one. Mostly because he was fucking baked and he thought that one wasn't a real ride. He thought that was real.

It's his favorite? Yeah, because afterwards he's like, it was so good. It's like I was in my body. He's been chasing that high ever since, baby. Oh, that was it? Oh, I'm sorry, Matt. We want more. We want more. We want more Glenn. You should get like a good like four minutes when you start talking for me to figure things out. Hey, everybody.

This is Matt Arnold. He likes figment. What's figment? Figment's the little dragon. Figment D's nuts. Please let this be a normal podcast. With the birch? No way.

Hey, everybody. This is Matt Arnold. Real dad. Matthew Arnold playing fictional dad. podcast with the birch no way hey everybody this is matt arnold real dad matthew arnold playing fictional dad uh daryl wilson who is a stay-at-home coach dad who became a barbarian upon entering the this magical world of whimsy and fantasy and dragons and uh whatnot and goblins so i really enjoyed um how easy it was to come up with dad facts when i came up with like a theme so i got another theme that's gonna last me a good seven weeks here. I'm going to dive into the prime examples of each of the seven deadly sins with Daryl.

Oh, I love it. I'm here for it. I love it. So easy one first. Let's talk about gluttony. Kind of Daryl's big one. Daryl handles a lot of his stress with food. And back to the old classic Charleston Chew. So the most calories daryl has ever eaten in one day is when he first brought grant to middle school he had

stocked up at the grocery store and he had a full pack of all the full bars of charleston shoes and we dropped grant off for the first time grant walked away and didn't say like i love you because he was embarrassed and daryl ate the entire box of charleston shoes on the way home well mostly on the way home but he only got through about a third of it so he just sat in the driveway yeah people if you've bought a bar of charleston shoes they've seen the box it's like a good 24 bars i really respect the idea of like keeping track of the most calories you've ever eaten. Because like if I'm ever in a position where I'm like, this is up there, I'm not thinking about it ever again. You remember your rock bottom. That's his rock bottom. Oh, hey, everyone. I'm Will Campos, official voice

of Henry Oak, the Birkenstock rock and crunchy munchie nature druid dad of the dads. My Henry fact this week to lift us up, I'd like to talk about Henry's favorite person on Earth, Alma. All my favorite sentient beings on the Earth and in the universe. That's right. Henry loves everyone. Everyone equally. I like that none of you took the bait.

Yeah, I would. Absolutely none of us. We just got deez nuts in. We're all on edge. I'm healing. Hi, my name is Beth May, and I play Ron Sampler, emotionally detached stepfather in Rogue. Fun fact about Ron this week, actually it's kind of a not fun fact,

but it's not as not fun as you might think, given the content of the last episode. Ron has a little scar up on the top of his head, one of those things that literally all children have or whatever, you know, one of those like, oh, I cracked my head open jumping on the bed. And yeah, that's what his mom always told him is that he got it from jumping on the bed. But now ever since finding out this information about his anchor being in his brain, he's

not so sure. That's not the fact. The fact is that he's not sure. He's not sure. There might be like a literal thing in his brain. We haven't heard much about Ron's mom, have we? Oh, yeah. Well, maybe we'll find out more this episode. Probably not. About 5,600 calories, by the way, for that box.

Oh, wow. 5,600 in just one go. And that's a day. But that's not the only thing he ate that day. Okay, because I'm like... That was already pretty high up there on the calories per day. So top it off with 5,600. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch, V's people's dad. Hi.

No, you're not. What are you talking about? I don't know. It just feels different now when you claim to be just our dad. Really? Like, yeah, I have a dad, Anthony. Yeah, I do have a father dad oh my god i was speaking sort of of the characters i'm not your dad once you separate out

the parasocial stuff now i'm like now i'm not comfortable with it either we're just normal you're just our dungeon master is that less creepy is that less weird i was gonna be like no you could still be my dad, but now it's like worse. You can't just be Beth's dad. That's fucking insane. Can I propose Anthony Burch, America's dad? I don't want to be dad to America. I'm not proud of my son.

Anthony Burch, fifth founding father. You had 300 years to get your shit together, and it still hasn't happened. You already sound like America's dad. You're doing a good job. America's dad is Tom Hanks, and we all know that. Why are we fucking around? Good point. I am the dad of these characters. and we all know that. Why are we fucking around? Good point, good point. I am the dad of these characters.

I'm okay with that. And Beth. Yeah. I'm the dad of four fictional characters and Beth May. Yep. And my dad fact is I wish I wasn't Beth May's dad.

Okay. Oh my God. Oh man. Man. No, that's just kidding. That's a little taste of what we're going to get later in this episode.

This is my warning for you that Willie is still going to be in this episode, even though we haven't seen it in a while. Because we're going into Ron's head and we might see some memories and Willie might be in some of those memories. So just as a warning, this could be a bummer. I mean, I thought the last one was going to be a bummer. And then Freddie maybe ruined the podcast with the funniest joke of all time. So as we are now in the post-Deez Nuts era of the podcast, I've actually gone ahead and separated the Cs and Zs out. We're literally A-Deez Nuts.

There was D-C and A-Deez Nuts. I've already edited the Wikipedia so that it says, reception of the podcast was more negative post-Deez Nuts. So to summarize what happened last time, you went to Swankree Hill to find Ron's anchor. You basically found out that the anchor that you were seeking is inside Ron's head and you'll need to go inside Ron's head to get it out. Erin O'Neill and Vince, her two-dimensional boyfriend,

decided that, decided for you, that the smartest way to do that, you could go after the dimensional witch who cursed Vince into being two-dimensional in the first place. All right, so, okay, goodbye, Erin. I hang up the thing. The leaf. The leaf, I hang up the leaf. Do we ask Erin where the dimensional witch is? Or do we need to figure it out?

Excuse me, one second. Hey, Erin? Yep. Hey, it's Henry again. Yeah, you actually can't hang. I choose when to not listen. So it makes you feel good to hang out, but it means nothing to me.

You're always watching us. Are you like... No, I'm not. I just choose when to. Is Aaron Santa Claus in this world? Does she hear you when you're sleeping and when you're awake? You know, I'll say just, you know,

maybe so we feel safer. If you could just like let us know when you're listening to us and when you're not, I'd appreciate that. Yeah, no problem. Where is this dimensional witch? Silly us. We hung up if you could just like let us know when you're listening to us and when you're not. I'd appreciate that. Yeah, no problem. Where is this dimensional witch? Silly us.

We hung up, you know, without asking. Yeah, it's in a little village called Oskim, which should be like half a day's walk to the north of where you are if you're at Swanker Hill. Sure wish we had that tractor. Yeah. It's a long walk. You could send the tractor, right? Did we have a dog? Did I have a dog?

What happened to our animals? Yeah, you had four animals. What happened to our animals? Yeah, you had four animals. What happened to your animals? Oh, God. Let's cut to the animals now. There's only one that's still alive. He's crawling forward on his front two paws, just starving and thirsty, just trying to get to some water.

And then we cut back and it's all four animals watching a TV show. And somehow they got back to earth before you did. Okay. That's nice. I'm glad they're back. Yeah. They're in an orphanage and they're being very well loved on earth. Okay.

And then it zooms out and it's like inside a snow globe of a hospital. And you're like, or were they? Do you zoom out again? And that's the fantasy of the dog as it's crawling toward water. All the animals are fine. The animals are in an orphanage. It's fine.

Or are they? Quick. It looks like a little team huddle here. First off, Ron, how are you doing, buddy? Yeah, man. That sounded pretty intense, dude. You want to love some steam? You want to just like scream? Are you ready to go to ask him?

Should I ask him? Get it? Yeah. Humor's a good medicine was that was that funny ron yeah no it was it was very funny uh funniest thing that's happened all day uh that's fair not including legba wait no he wasn't there for that shit never mind sorry hayden's not there oh wait so you i heard someone made a deez nuts joke Nevermind. Sorry. Peyton's not there. Oh, wait. So you were. I heard someone made a Deez Nuts joke. Oh, yeah. That was actually. Why did you leave me behind for that?

That was actually funnier than what Henry just says. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was. Hey, Peyton, let me tell you all about it. I take Peyton aside. I basically. Thank you.

I was so fucking great, dude. Fill me in. Fill me in. I thought I would know what to say. And then I didn't. I mean Ron I think you did good man. Like I think you know we know what's

up. You stood up to your dad and it sounds like we know what the next step is and like we're going into your brain but he's not going

to be in your brain. It's going to be memories and some of those are going to be really tough but we're going to be right there with you.

The next step to what? There's nothing. If there's no anchor that's real, if you destroy it in my brain, then doesn't that mean that I get... No, Ron, you're in your soul.

You got a soul, Ron. So Terry Jr., he's been very, very quiet. And the second that Willie showed up, he didn't speak at all. He was just sort of scared silent. He rubs his eyes and he goes, I think the anchor in your head, it's gotta be something we can take

out right and still you're still you i mean he's in there and i can see why he's in there but there's got to be a you beyond just what willie did to you there is right i mean i don't know ron hey man you are so much more than what you've been through dude i see a complete person when i look at you man i don't know what the answers to these questions are but we're going to go in together you're not going to be alone and we're going to face them together and whatever happens we're going to figure out what to do complete person then take him out and what's left if i'm complete now and you go in my head and you take out him or destroy him what if there's nothing left of me well Well, I don't think we're going to, we're not going to

destroy Willie in your head, Ron. I don't think we know what's going to be in there, but I'll tell you one thing. I think like Terry said, it's not going to be nothing. And you know, I think that's going to be hard to also face also because Willie was lying. It wasn't nothing. There's something in there. There's something in there that we got to find and figure out. And, uh, we'll be there for you. I'll tell you, man, what's left, a good husband, a good father, a good stepfather, and a great man, you know, and a brave guy. Look at everything you've done on this adventure, Ron. We've gotten into fights.

We've been chased around. We survived so much. You're a freaking survivor, man. All of that is you, and, you know, that's not going anywhere. It's going to be okay, man. We're going to do this together, and it's going to be okay. It's going to be scary gonna be okay man we're gonna do this together and it's gonna be okay it's gonna be scary as hell but we're there for you okay

and Ron just goes with the flow just kind of shuts up and you hear the end of the conversation with Glenn and Peyton anyway pin is the most fulfilling moment of my entire life oh my god you should always everyone should have that kind of feeling once.

Yeah. All downhill from here, baby. Erin was spying on you and she was like, deez nuts. And I was like, what? And I ran. I ran so hard and stuff

and it was worth it. Oh, I have all the times to not show up. Peyton, you'll never forgive yourself, but well done, Glenn. You know what? If you want to, you could also be my honorary son. Oh, shit.

Don't tell Daryl. What? I don't think he can take it. No, I mean, my honorary son. Oh, shit. Don't tell Daryl. What? I don't think he could take it. No, I mean, I heard it. Oh, God damn it. No, it's okay, Payne. I love you both equally. No, I mean, I hope that's not true, but I get it.

But I get that you're really excited about his joke. It was really funny. This is all good. All right, well, let's all get going. Let's go as a team. Let's maybe have a group song. We could do 99 Bottles. A group song? actually well as we're walking i love that yeah distract yeah we can do 99 bottles that's one i'm a bigger fan of 99 bottles of booch on the wall

take one round pass it around have really good stomach guts can you'll poop really well oh 98 bottles starts walkingze on the wall. Henry just starts walking and singing the kombucha song. The kombucha song. We let Henry walk. Which is what he calls it, the kombucha song. That's the secret track on The Rock's Rocky. Oh, my gosh.

Should we just let Henry walk? Yeah, we just sit here. He gradually gets quieter and quieter as he goes away. And it's like, can we hear him anymore? All right, let's get going. All right. Sit around, have really good stomach poops, and you'll feel real great.

It changes every day. There's 99 different versions of it. Daryl's trying to sing along. Come on, Daryl. It's fine. 99 bottles of booch on the wall. 99 bottles of booch. You drink one down.

Not good as beer, but you poop much better than that. Sure, yeah. That's the whole point is you do it up freestyle on the last part. Glenn, hit me. No. Ron, hit me. No. Ron, 97. 97 what? Bottles of booch.

I'm not looking at those. I'm a married man. Oh, okay. And Daryl and Henry sing as we walk off into the distance. The sun is setting as you come across the sleepy village of Askim, and it is not terribly difficult to find the dimensional witch's hut within this village

because while all the other houses are seemingly normally thatched roof cottages, there's one that stands out because jutting out from the roof, seemingly without having actually touched the roof in any way because there doesn't seem to be any debris or or any sign that it's like jutted out seems to be a four-dimensional like hypercube like something that seems to change perspective even as you look at it even as you and it are staying such as in the movie cube to hypercube

very similar to that glad mutters i've never been a fan of brutalism oh man this looks messed up am i right wow what a nifty shape. Look, it's different every way you look at it. I don't like it. Just like how in reality, you know, truth changes depending on the perspective, right? I think we could all learn something from this cube. This is making me uncomfortable. You can see the flicker of a lamp inside. Or is it a

lamp? Or is it a four-dimensional hyperlamp? Only one way to find out. What would you like to do? I knock. I knock on the door. Ron knocks on the door. Oh, okay. Who knocks on the door? I think you both did at the same time. We both did, but because it's a four-dimensional cube, we both knocked on it at different times in different planes

of existence, but at the same time Ron did it and Henry did it. So inside your skull, you hear Yes, what is it? What the fuck? Wait, what? Explain. Echoing from inside your own skull. All of us or just Ron? All of you. Yes, what is it? I got fuck? Wait, what? Explain. Echoing from inside your own skull. All of us or just Ron? All of you. Yes, what is it?

I don't got my head. Oh, do I have my AirPods in? No, you don't. Do what you want. Why are you here? Why have you sought the dimensional witch? I thought that was going to rhyme somehow. No!

It's called free verse, you piece of shit. What do you want? I don't know where to start, really. I have a dad. Do you have money? Oh, yeah, money, yeah. Well, then goodbye. Oh, yes, we do.

Just not too much, right, guys? How much do you want? Sounds like you have a lot. Sounds like, despite the fact that multiple times people told you not to tell people how much money you have, you've completely failed to bluff. I mean, you're in my head. How am I supposed to bluff you? Matt, maybe spit it. I'm covered in soda.

Well, if you're in my head, I mean, in all of our heads, don't you know how much money we have? Yeah, there you go, Ron's riddles. I don't know about you, but I'm not the kind of person who rubbages around in people's heads without their consent. I'm speaking to you here from the fourth plane. Oh, that's good.

I like that. This is a reliable witch. I have a daddy issue, and we've got a lot of gold. Some gold? We've got some gold, and I'm trying to get this. You've got a bad head thing. Yeah. That's what I'm hearing.

Yes. Okay, so here's what's going on, Miss Dimensional. Do you have a name, by the way? My name is Tilt Toblerona. Pleasure to meet you. And that is from Paul Kavassier. Thank you so much, Paul. Toblerona.

Well, Tilt Toblerona, we are bound to this universe by four anchors that are the result of daddy magic. And Ron's father here is a warlock by the name of Willie Stampler. And we heard tell from him that Ron's anchor is in his head and we were like gosh how are we gonna get into ron's head like into his memories and

stuff and we talked to our friend aaron o'neill maybe you know her because i think you cursed her boyfriend vince oh i did yeah um which is giving she didn't ask us to do anything also she what she just said you would help us she didn didn't ask you to do... Oh, did she say you'd murder me? She said we were... But we're not going to murder you guys, right? She wants to murder me. I just want to be upfront. I just want to be honest,

especially since you're in my head. You say you're not, but it still feels like you're in my head. Oh, don't poke around too much. Yeah, please, please. A lot of hidden repressed sins. Yeah. That's one of the main reasons I don't do it.

That's my issue. Ah, I see, I see. Yes. So it sounds like what you're talking about is a typical extraction of possible memories or anchors or magical ephemera within one's own four-dimensional mind construct.

Is that correct? Yes? Wow, that really actually covers a lot of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why don't you come in? And the door opens wide. And she goes, oh, close your eyes when you come in, though. You're not going to want to see this until I've come back into the third dimension. You're not going to like what you see. I keep my eyes open. Okay, so roll a a wisdom saving throw i have not walked in yet i'm watching henry walk in i close my eyes and i also put a finger over nick

jr's eyes so that you know i'm saying it's the rat what am i rolling you're only a wisdom saving throw with disadvantage i got a uh 23 holy shit so 14 and a natural 20 for my rolls. Wow. Well done. So normal mortals who have not seen an Eldritch being shit creation would have probably had their eyeballs leap straight out of their skulls in order to avoid... Yeah, yeah.

Look at that woman! No, because initially to your mind, what you're looking at doesn't make any sense. It's a shape that exists in two dimensions that you cannot normally perceive, except in this moment somehow you're perceiving them, which means that everything else around you feels more fake. You're like a drawing of a two-dimensional man who suddenly just realized that he's on a piece of paper floating in three-dimensional space.

Henry listens to left and center-left podcasts, so he's able to perceive two different versions of reality at the same time. Great. So, yes, having seen and heard the things that you've seen and heard, it's actually not that bad. The hot takes that you've heard. It's like I'm in some sort of pod-save-chop-o-trap America. I've heard takes you people wouldn't believe.

Twitter threads unrolled across my entire iPad. I've watched pundits get ratioed. Like check marks in the rain. Oh, boy. It's too bad they won't sub! But then again, who does? Time to tweet we have a lot of fun here on Dungeons and Dragons

such a weird riff that is the weirdest riff I think we've ever gone on alright that was uh if you're young that was Blade Runner and if you're old

Choppo Trap House is popular oh no see do you you can sort of tell like oh cool You're old Choppo Trap House. You can sort of tell like, oh, cool. This is what five dimensional existence looks like. Henry, what's it like in there? Well, I would close your eyes, Daryl. Unless you listen to both Pod Save America and Choppo Trap House. What are those?

Keep your eyes closed, man. But it's pretty nifty in here, you know? I'm going to keep my eyes closed. Good idea you know? I'm going to keep my eyes closed. Good idea, Ron. I'm going to keep my eyes closed. I close my eyes and I walk in. Okay. Actually, I close my eyes too early, so I walk into the wall.

It's like a really funny pratfall. And I go, whoa. And then I close my eyes and I walk in again. Great visual comedy, man. There you go. That's all for all of you. They said we couldn't do visual comedy. I don't listen to a lot of podcasts, so I just had to kind of throw in that sort of comedy.

I don't listen to a lot of podcasts, so I just had to kind of throw in that sort of comedy. So as you walk in with your eyes closed, you can hear and Henry can see this five-dimensional cube resolve itself into a three-dimensional form as it folds down through the different dimensions into a third-dimensional, not cube, but a woman. We're not cubes.

We're women. She folds herself down into the shape of an older human woman who is hunched over and wearing a big old robe. Women are friends, not cubes. We're women. She folds herself down into the shape of an older human woman who is hunched over and wearing a big old robe. Women are friends, not cubes. And she points at all of you and goes, which one was the one? Ah, yes, you.

You've got the fucked up brain thing. Come here, come here, come here, come here. Are you talking to me or Daryl? You, the one who just asked that question. Oh, hi, I'm Ron. Open your eyes now. I'm a woman now. Oh, hello. Sorry, yes, hello, hi. Open your eyes now. I'm a woman now. Oh, hello.

Sorry, yes. Hello, hi. What's it like being a woman? I'll take this one, Ron. It's great. Go on. People on the internet always talk about

how they want to see my feet. It's not undue at all. That attention's great. Keep doing it. I hate it. I bet if they see your your feet they actually put the right size on wiki feet they're not making it seem like you got six and a half size little wimpy feet when you actually have nine and a half uh size nine and three quarters in the european sizes yes when you're actually doing goat yoga on wiki feet with your huge, big flipper feet.

What is happening? What is happening? It sounds like best wiki feet. We're in four dimensions. We're about to be millionaires. I'm just saying that if I have to be on wiki feet, which apparently I guess I have to, then I would prefer my actual shoe size to be listed there. Well, you could edit it in. If you've never been on the internet, the last thing you do is you touch your own Wiki.

Nobody ever touches their own. I tried. And then I couldn't get the email to not get blocked by my. There's no way you want this, right? There's no way you could possibly want a wiki feed. No, no, no, no, no. This ain't for you, right? So I can verify my wiki feed sock account.

Okay. A sock account. Oh my god. Oh god. What the fuck were we talking about? No, you want my brain. Yes, okay, come here, come here come here come here and she sort of parts ron's what's little is left of ron's hair and one of her eyeballs bulges out of her skull whoa and she goes this is gonna get a little bit weird

try not to look at the eye thank you and the eye itself fractals into like a seemingly infinite number of smaller eyes that branch off into smaller eyes that branch off into smaller eyes don't like this don't like this at all and then seem into smaller eyes that branch off into smaller eyes. Don't like this. Don't like this at all. And then seem to disappear inside Ron's head. Ron, you don't feel any of this at all. And she goes, don't worry, you're not going to feel anything.

I'm just moving into the fourth dimension for a second. Plus I'm really tough, so even if it hurt, I wouldn't. You're a tough boy. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. Oh, yes, I see it right here. I see it here.

Oh, can you get it for us? No, I can't pick it out physically. I can see it. It's only going to be accessed by somebody within the mind cortex matrix itself. Basically, there's some sort of memory here, some sort of repressed sort of anchor memory that you've got here. And this warlock sorcerer, this looks like sorcerer magic. The sorcerer seems to have anchored your anchor to this memory.

So you're going to have to go inside the cortex and get there yourselves with your own consciousnesses. If you need to, I actually, that is a service I provide. It's a Total Rello special. You're not going to find that from any forest witch mathematical witch nerd losers. Oh my goodness. If you have to pitch women against each other, make it a dimensional witch and a math witch. I like Erin.

She doesn't like me though. And it's very fun. Oh my God. Yes. That's what women always say when they hate each other. Hey, Daryl Wilson, by by the way nice to meet you nice to meet you and she shakes your hand four dimensionally which means you feel it over your entire body oh so you meant over your entire life that's really good you feel it all through every single member you've ever had and then i remember as a four-year-old i reached my hand out i just felt a magical hand grab my hand i said i

think this is what i learned to shake hands before walking. Because I shook this dimensional witch. This is a hand. That's super cool. The first contact you made when you were born is your hand was out and you grabbed on and shook the hand. That's how I first stood up. Your parent, your mom...

You held his hand and pulled yourself up? That's how I stood up. Your mom's looking at the ultrasound and she sees the hand just go, back and forth. I thought this was the Ron arc. I didn't realize it was the Daryl part two arc. I actually just

can't speak anymore. I just stopped talking. So it sounds like there's an anchor in the memory and we need to get into Ron's brain and access it?

Yes. Like what happens once we find it? So once you find the memory and grab it, you can basically turn it three-dimensional. I can sort of summon you back out of the mind matrix, and then you'll have it physically in your hand. Whatever this object is.

Whatever the object is, yeah. So it'll basically be an object hidden within a memory. I can probably, for an extra fee, highlight that object for you so you can follow the path down the memories. And I can also basically take each of you and, Ronald, your consciousness. I can sort of shrink those down into four-dimensional space

and lightly, lightly tap you into the mind matrix, and then you can explore with what feels to you like physical bodies, even though they're actually four-dimensional constructs. So you can all go in and use your abilities and talk to people and interact with things within the confines of the memories. Okay.

Will this make us, us like alter those memories? No, probably not. Probably. It shouldn't. Memories are a very difficult thing to work against. You'll be able to massage things here and there, but then Ron, you'll also have the memory of your friends being in that memory,

doing those things. So it'll be a little bit wibbly for a while because suddenly you'll remember that you were with these guys in school or whatever, but your conscious current self will know that, oh, that can't be true. That's just because of, you know, they were back there. So it'll feel a little bit weird. I'm not going to lie. Are all of these things, these memories, how do I know that they're real? Ooh, that's a really interesting question. Yeah, because memory is kind of spongy, isn't it? Yes. No, that's an exceedingly good question. The ambiguity that we feel

when we try to remember something in normal three-dimensional space, that's based on our ability to sort of recall the memories themselves. It's like, imagine that all the memories are made of wet ink, and when we pull them out, we're smearing them a little bit.

But the memories... Oh, it's confusing. It's fine. You don't have to worry about it. This is for Rob. The memories are always going to have the wet ink, and you're going to be able to go and see that ink without smearing it. So you're going to see the original

memory without accidentally smearing that ink by trying to conjure it up in your current three-dimensional memory. Because memories exist in a quantum manifold wherein by observing them we alter them through the act of observation. Ron writes left-handed. It's like there's a sustained tachyon

particle. I'm right-handed. And we're going to need to construct a phase matrix in order to be able to interface with it. I just naturally reversed the polarity of the neutron flow. That gets where you need to go. Again, a service I provide. Daryl, I can't believe you forgot the most important part about my character, Ron Sandler,

is that I am righty. I'm right-handed. Wait, is Ron right-handed? Yes, that's how you know I'm such a good actor. That's the service I provide. I have a sliding scale. Let's do it. Let's slide into that.

That'd be 200 gold for all of you then. That sounds reasonable. Holy shit, you think that's reasonable? No, no, no. From all of you? I should have said more. No, no, no. All together.

Okay, okay. Wait, maybe I should have. No, no, no. You could be living in a five-dimensional mansion. Remember, it's going to Altogether. Okay, okay. Wait. Maybe I should have. No, no. Ah, tilt. You could be living in a five-dimensional mansion. Remember, it's going to be $200, and we're not going to murder you, which is what Aaron wanted us to do, but we're not going to do it. I knew she told you to murder me. Oh, Aaron hears us on all times.

Well, are there any leaves in here? I mean, there's one you brought in with. Oh, darn it. Oh, hey, Aaron. Sorry. I'm not sorry. We weren't going to do it, but, you know. Hey, actually, Aaron.

I was listening the whole time. You asked me to tell you when I was listening. I can tell you now that I was listening. Hey, I'm an experienced mediator. You know, I resolve a lot of disputes between the various departments at the San Diego Museum of Natural History. You know, a lot of beef between the igneous people

and the sedimentary people. I think I could help, if you're ready, help you and Ms. Toblerone work through these issues you're having. That is, if you're ready, help you and Miss Toblerone work through these issues you're having. That is, if you're both open to it. Well, you know that there's nothing that I as a DM love more than two NPCs talking to each other. Henry, how Ron?

What? I guess we'll do that bit later. You're right, man. What did you say? He said, how Ron? All I heard was how Ron. I guess we'll do that bit later. You're right, man. What did you say? He said, how about Ron? I thought it was how Ron. I thought it was how Ron. All right, well, yeah, here's our 200 gold.

Do we need any cool equipment or anything? Yeah, do we get cool jumpsuits? Yeah. Maybe a cool safety video? When I put a fourth dimensional projection of you in Ron's brain, I could make you look however you want. Oh, yeah. Ron, what do you want?

I feel like, I don't know why. We're poking around in your head. We're here talking, old buddy. Look. What do you want to remember? What do I want to remember? Wait, hold on. That may be too deep of a question.

What do you want me to look like? That's actually not a terrible question, though, because if you want them to look like something that you consider soothing or brings you calm, something that represents safety to you, then when you look back in your old memories, that's what you'll see is yourself surrounded by things that make you feel safe. Make us whatever you want, then. Okay. Let's see. Henry, if you could be a beagle. Okay.

Can I be a beagle, too? Actually, could you be a schnauzer? Yeah, that's a cool dog, too. And then Glenn, you can just be glenn all right henry takes a d4 of psychic damage yeah daryl like looks at henry like wait what glenn's soothing and glenn gives a million dollar smile that thumbs up he gives a like i mean what do you want Terry Jr. and Peyton to look like if you want them to go in with you?

Terry Jr. is like, I would kind of like to go in. Yeah. I think I could help. I don't know. Maybe. Terry, why don't you just look like yourself? Ah, shucks. Well, I mean, if you're going to be in my memory forever because I already know you and then I'm thinking about you in my memory, then I think

you know, it'd be nice to know you back then, even though I don't know you yet in the future, but in the past, I didn't know you either, but it will be comforting if I'm existing in the past, but in the present, Terry, like does that thing where he like froze his brow and like happy confusion.

If you've ever done that to a, usually a man where like, he doesn't understand the feeling that he's feeling. Cause it's happiness. And he goes, Oh yeah, I'll, I can be me. Yeah problem no problem um and then payton or i was thinking maybe pain could sit this one out sorry but but i don't know it just feels like it's kind of like

ron's show here and maybe we know that's fair and i think also there might be a lot of willy stuff in there and i'm yeah that ain't yeah i know what i'll do it sounds like if you're getting fourth dimensionally like whether like your bodies might be or something i'll protect them until toberman's like that's not what it's like and she's like i'll protect the bodies i'll stay here i'll protect them well my boy dad here paid and he could i mean you're smart could you like you know i mean i don't want to waste some time you maybe you could teach him something or is there anything you can help around here there's some tasks payton could help you with and then you know payton could earn a little money or something like that.

I was going to give her money to teach him, but that's good, too. Maybe we could get some money. I mean, I'm currently rolling in it, thanks to you, Ding Dongs. But, yeah, I got some sweeping that can be done. I have a whole host of chores I can use. Such a strong boy. Oh, my God. Somebody respects me.

Finally. Yes. Strong boy. Yes. Correct. That is me. I lean forward to Tilt, and I hand her another gold, and I say, he needs some help with discipline. I'm not sure how long we're going to be in here, but, like here but like if you could just like I don't know why I'm trusting you but

we're pretty much throwing ourselves at you right now you get killed any second so you know just yeah anyways if you could help out that would be great yeah not a problem not a problem I'll uh I'll find something to do with the old scamp you're an adult I trust adults sure why not all right well if you're ready, we can just get right to it. Seatbelts, everyone! Guys, if you have to destroy whatever is in

my head or whatever, if you have to kill Willy by if I have to die or... You're never going to have to die, Ron. Oh, I'm going to live forever? We're all going to have to die. Who is this guy? You know, but Ron's not going to have to die for we're talking oh i'm gonna live forever we're all gonna have to die you know but ron's not gonna have to die for this no no no oh well i mean unless you don't get out within you know an hour then yes wait what i take my gold back it's like you're not gonna teach him anything in an hour that's what you do

seriously she's got it she's got a sack of 200 gold in one arm and one gold the other, and you take the one gold back. Oh, God. I'm sorry, what was that last part? We have an hour? Yeah, the spell I'm going to cast only kind of lasts an hour, and then you'll turn back into three-dimensional

if you're inside Ron's head. When you do, then Ron's head will kind of explode from inside with four people in it. Oh, can't you? So, okay. Again, it's hard for me to actually manipulate things within a mental cortex. That's why I can only look inside,

and I can't grab the memory right now. But you'll be fine. Ron pulls a piece of paper that's like folded up a bazillion times out of his pocket. You mean eight times maximum? Eight times maximum, Beth. What? You can only mathematically, it doesn't matter. It has been folded multiple times is what you said. Oh, folded and unfolded.

I see. I apologize. No, I'm with you. No, I'm with you, Anthony. Don't fucking push the physics reality of this. Anyways, it's been folded up a lot and it's been folded up 20 times in a row. No, I'm with you. No, I'm with you, Anthony. Don't fucking push the physics reality of this. Anyways, it's been folded up a lot. And it's been folded up 20 times in a row. Yes. Yes. Because we're in a dimensional witch's house. Yes.

Because we're in the forgotten realms. Yes. He didn't need the help of the dimensional witch. Okay. But he says, this is my last will and testament. I don't know, Brené. I actually don't know what a will does, But we were talking about it a lot the other day And so I just thought I should have one

Wait, did you just write this? Yeah I guess earlier today Peyton's like, do you want me to take it because I'm not going in? Yeah, here Peyton, please don't read it He puts his hand on his heart and says, I promise The life of my son One of the hours up, how do we get out?

We don't get out, We blow up his brain. No, no, no. How do we leave Ron's brain, smartass? Oh. Sorry, Daryl. I was actually going to get that. Thank you so much.

So, you're all going to turn and look to Ron and you're going to say some sort of agreed upon phrase. You can agree on whatever it is that you want. It's basically going to be your exfiltration phrase.

You'll all say it together and then Ron's physical three-dimensional body here will, its eyes will open and I'll know that it's time to come get you. But you're going to have to say it, because otherwise I can't know to come get you. Okay.

But if we don't get it in an hour, we can just pay you again to go back in for another hour, right? And now you understand my profit margins. Now you understand the business model that has made me the woman I am today. So all we really have to do is not forget to say this thing when the hour is about to end. That's very, very fun. Can't you just pull us out at 59 minutes? I could. Yeah, a lot of men have tried that. to do is like not forget to say this thing when the hour is about to that's very very fun can't

you just pull us out at 59 minutes i could yeah a lot of men have tried that beth is taking a victory swing atop it wasn't even that good it doesn't even make sense if you think about it but that's that's humor baby that's too bad that that was funny because i was immediately going to try to retcon them into something that made slightly more sense. No, time is different inside. I get it. Okay, whatever. That's weird.

We got to say the words. Y'all ready to go in? Yes. Yeah. Wait, okay. What's our phrase? I don't want to kill Ron. That's the phrase.

That's it right there. We look right in Ron's eye and we say, I don't want to kill Ron. Yeah, I'll remember that. Right. That's my first motto. Thanks. What?

I just feel good. That's the first time a motto that I've ever come up with has been used by the team. That feels good. Flashback to Glenn receiving an email, and it's just from Daryl. It's like, propose team mottos for... And then Glenn narrows his eyes.

He's Darnell doing the mottos. And then Daryl's like, I just thought I would get a temperature check from all the other parents in the soccer teams. What do you guys think about these mottos? Are we married to GoDoodlers? Are we sure? Don't get me wrong. I to GoDoodlers? Like, are we sure? Don't get me wrong.

I love GoDoodlers. I just workshopped a few. So everybody close your eyes, because I'm going to have to go into fifth dimension. Why did I close my eyes? Sorry. Matt Arnold asking that question. And she goes, zing, zag, zoom. And you hear her body matriculate out into a bunch of smaller versions of itself,

fractally surrounding you. You can feel yourselves leave your own bodies, but also still take the flesh with you in a weird way. You are both three-dimensional and four-dimensional, and then you feel the transition fully happen into four dimensions. And Henry, you become a fourth-dimensional beagle. Daryl, you become a fourth-dimensional schnauzer. Glenn, Glenn. That wasn't so bad.

And Terry, Terry. And you all appear and the world around you. The first thing you notice is that it's all a little bit hazy. It's all a little bit wavy. You can sort of definitely make out all the details, but you definitely has that like I'm watching a TV show and this is a flashback filter. A little bit of bloom in the highlights. A little bloom. More hair. And the next thing you realize is that you are in the tower of Terry Sr. Oh, wow. And you are looking at Terry Jr.

holding the decapitated body of Terry Sr. And you see Ron say... Terry is your daddy now. And then Terry Jr. in your memory looks to you in your memory, Ron,

and goes, that's what you said? I didn't hear what you said. You said that i was so freaked out about oh my god i um i just this is a can we not can we go somewhere else can we go somewhere else okay so he runs up to terry's is like being a puppy little puppy little puppy i need to focus on just focus on the puppy focus on the puppy don't think about this don't think about this it's a hard memory

to go right into because it's like I'm not proud of it and yet I kind of am proud of it because it was such a don't tell me you're proud of it

you're not making it better you're making it worse no no no our relationship was doing okay let's go somewhere else yes let's go somewhere so as you say

let's go somewhere else you can see there is a shining purple light in one of the cobblestones of this tower. And you can feel it beckoning you. I touch it. Okay, so you touch it and a purple portal opens and you can see in there a swimming pool.

It's a public pool. A bunch of kids are splashing around and you can sort of see it as if you're looking through a doorway. And you see a younger, unfortunately more hot version of your dad, Willie Stampler, in the pool. E.R.A. George Clooney. Yeah, you truly hate to see it. And he's looking up at a diving board. Guys, let's go here. Okay.

We're right here with you, Ron. I mean, let's hit the pool. All right. So you step through the doorway, and very suddenly you find yourself, all of you, lurching forward, and now you're standing at the back of a high dive, a top. And you can look down and see a pool, almost like you're in line to jump off of the high dive. And ahead of you, at the end of the board, what do they see?

Little Ron. Aww. Guys, that's me when I was a kid. Luscious head of hair, Ron. Yeah, he has a ton of hair. Like Fabio hair. No, just like kind of bushy, curly hair. That's very good.

And his swim trunks are like a little too big for him. And he just looks kind of like he's drowning and he's not drowning literally, but just a really short kid. Oh, Ron, were you a high diver? Did you dive a bunch? Well,

I mean, no. Yeah. Daryl, I don't think we'd be back in this in memory if this was like a fun thing that Ron did a whole bunch of. Maybe he like fell off or something. Read the room a little. No, Daryl, I don't think we'd be back in this in memory if this was like a fun thing that Ron did a whole bunch of. Maybe he like fell off or something. Read the room a little.

No, I mean, that thing that I did with Terry Sr., I mean, that was a cool, actually, that wasn't that cool. But I mean, no, I'm not a high diver. So you hear from the pool beneath you the voice of a younger Willie Stampler going, just jump already. Just do it. You're not going to learn if you don't. This is how we're doingampler going, just jump already. Just do it. You're not going to learn if you don't. This is how we're doing. You're going to jump in. I'll catch

you. You'll learn to swim that way. Come on. My fucking fingers are pruning. Don't try and catch the kid. How high up are we and how old is this young Ron? You're like 10 feet up. Oh, fuck. And how old is he? Six. I do not have all day. Your mother made me bring you.

I brought you. And so you're going to learn something. This is going to be purposeful. Come on, let's go. Jump, jump, jump, go, jump, go, go, go. I'm waiting, go. I think Ron standing behind young Ron is just like, just go out, just do it.

Jump. Go on, jump. Why won't you jump? And then young Ron is, ooh, this is a new voice. What could I do? Oh, shit. Young Ron. Move over, young Sheldon.

Dad, it's really high up. Oh, my God. I would do anything for young Ron. Yeah, I would die for young Ron. It's already so cold. He goes, it'll be warmer in the fucking pool. How many times do I have to convince you of this?

Yes, it's high up. That's the point. If you jump from a place that's really high, you'll never get scared jumping anywhere beneath that. We're ripping the bandaid off, okay? Okay. Ripping the bandaid off. Rip it off.

One, two, three, go. Rip it off. Could you count to three again? One, two, three, go. And little Ron still doesn't jump. two three go rip it off could you could you count to three again one two three go and little ron still doesn't jump old ron steps up like right behind young ron is just like it's actually it's actually pretty warm it's not that cold and then i think young ron jumps so this is a small detail but how does young ron jump does he try to like swan dive? Does he cannonball? Does he just step off and just let gravity

do its thing? I think he just steps off. Great. So he steps off his luxurious long head of hair whipping upward as he hits

terminal velocity. Terminal velocity! Jesus! And dies. He doesn't hit terminal velocity. And he hits the water and immediately

he begins to sink. and Willie starts waiting toward him and he goes, now's where you learn to swim. And he puts his hands behind his head and just looks at Ron and Ron, little Ron, you are kicking as hard as you can and sucking in water into your mouth and you can feel yourself falling underneath the water in your head. It's getting harder and harder to keep your head up. Schnauzer Dog's just jumping in the water, by the way. Hey, yo, we gotta get in here, guys. Schnauzer Dog jumps into the water. Henry Dog jumps in. Glenn jumps in, but as he does,

he makes sure he catches the eye of a milf in the memory. Philip K. Dix, the milf in the memory. He goes in and he does like a finger point I like the idea that Glenn doesn't jump until he finds one

like he's looking around hold on we need to find a MILF we need to find a MILF ah there we go hey she slowly puts her sunglasses down

and like ooh like with her lip who are those dogs who let you out so all of you jump into the water and i assume you're trying to you know help ron yeah i'm just essentially i can't not i don't want to step on beth but like this dog's jumping in the water and so you all start lifting ron up out of the water little ron is coughing and sputtering and young Willie is just like, Jesus Christ, you're never going to learn. And you can

see around you in the memory that's exactly what some other swimmers here saw the kid was drowning and intervene and they're with you. And Willie's like, great, now he's not going to learn. Congratulations. You just fucked me. And the woman who saved him is like, what do you think? And he takes Ron back. Oh, we want to play these people I feel like. What? Fucking big ass mushers.

Hey, shut up asshole. What? Fucking big-ass mushers. Hey, shut up, asshole. Yeah. Got a big old barrel chest and, like, a lot of hair. Took 60 episodes of the final year before he's like, I'm playing this. I'm playing this. I found me. This is mine.

I found the NPC. This is my design. Hey, shut up, asshole. That's great. So, yeah, you step into the place of what was a massive mustachioed dude. A Zangief-looking-ass motherfucker. A Zangief-looking dude, but Glenn takes his place. I play a character, too.

I'm a mom, and I go, what the fuck? Somebody call the police. This guy's an abusive asshole. And he goes, oh my god, stop fucking whining. It's my kid. I'll fucking handle it. And he begins to walk away. I go, can't say anything about that.

It's the 80s. Yeah, I guess that, you know what? Sounds like, seems like a pretty good dad. Oh no! Oh no! Hey, there's another kid drowning. Oh, too late for that one. Wild kids learning today.

As you see young Willie and young Ron begin to wade their way out of the pool, you can see some ripples in the pool coming from behind you, and you hear some splashing. And as you turn around, you see glowing bright and purple, a vision of current Willie. Henry growls at him. And he looks at current Ron, and he goes,

that's kind on you. I don't know what to tell you. Get the fuck out of here, Willie. No one fucking wants you here. What the fuck? Leave. Yeah, I bite his butt. Leave.

Get out. You bite him. You yell at him. You go through him. He's spectral. So I assume you're trying to find the anchor. That's fine. You can go ahead and try to find it.

Probably not going to work out for you. But I just want you to know it was your fault for not being good enough. Henry takes a piss on Willie's leg. Jesus. These are new. And starts like slapping in his spectral pants. And he goes, you're real mature, your friends are. I'm swimming, aren't I?

Oh, you get inspiration for that. Nice. Jim Ron. Jim Ron. He kind of doesn't know what to say. And he disappears. And where he was, a portal opens up. And through that portal, you can see your childhood home. You can see a kitchen.

And a lot of pots and pans are laid out. Dude, this is like a tearjerker indie game right now. I love it, dude. That made in Unity energy right now. He comes back. He's like, exactly. You learned to swim. Sorry, you did a good job.

Yeah, he goes like, hey, actually, you know what? I take it back. I'm fucking great at this. Oh, no. You got there, did you not? Hey, Ron, that was really cool how you stood up to him. That was really, you were worried about saying the right thing. You nailed it, dude. You're doing a good job.

Yeah, he wasn't here, though. I didn't say do you guys want to see my kitchen? Yeah, man, that sounds great. There's some, uh, one more fruit roll-ups invented. Well, they weren't in here anyway, so I, this is where I would have put my fruit roll-ups in my head. Oh, that's the saddest

thing I've ever heard. Put my fruit roll-ups. Never heard it said that way. It's the saddest way to say that. A child holding a little space in the cup. It's for his fruit roll-ups. Somebody help put fruit roll-ups in there. So you go back through, you go through the door into the kitchen. As Glenn goes through,

he kind of like gives a little wink over to the milf and he did a one performance check. She fans herself. Go for it. I rolled a one. I'm going to play the milf. You do it. Wait, so is Glenn's subconscious

bleeds in and it's his own mom? Yeah. And I look at you. And she goes, oh yeah. And I go, any time, baby. I want to get pregnant with your dad.

Oh, no. I haul ass through the portal. Like, whoa, run. Whoa, your memories are crazy, man. That's great. That's very good. You have no idea, Glenn. Yeah, you head through your portal,

and you see a memory of Willie at the door, lazily putting on a tie and speaking to young Ron again, saying, hey, I'm going to go. I got a fucking business thing. Your mom's upstairs. She's sick again. So your dinner's on you. I'll probably be back like eight, nine-ish if she talks a lot.

I'll be back. I'll be back. Fucking just cut. Is there anything in the fridge? Hey, you know who gets to find that out? It's you. Fucking here's $5. Just walk to the fucking corner store and get something.

$5 is like $400 in 2020. If I come back and there are any Froot Loops, you are not going to be happy with what happens. So I will be back. And he leaves. Bye. I love you. He closes the door behind him.

You are all in this memory, the same height as Tiny Ron. And you look up, and the countertops. Yeah, we're dogs, so. Yeah, actually, you're dogs. Yeah, so. No, we're proportionally even smaller. Proportionally even smaller. No, we'd be tiny dogs, so we're bigger than Ron now. Yeah, we're dogs, so. Yeah, actually, you're dogs. Yeah, so for all- No, we're proportionally even smaller.

Oh, yeah, we're small. No, we'd be normal dogs, so we're bigger than Ron now. Yeah, we're bigger than Ron. You're bigger than Ron, except for Glenn and Terry are very small. The same size as Ron, so they look up at basically these countertops

that seem like they're 10 feet high to them. So your seven-year-old self knows that in order to cook, you're gonna have to open the fridge and find something to cook, and then you're gonna have to figure out how the stove works. And then you're going to have to also find a way to get up to the stove and use the pots and pans and stuff. So what are you going to do? Well, let's see. Hey guys, I'm going to call for my dog. And then

young Ron's like, yeah. Here, rogue. Oh, that's so cute. I just got that. This is too cute. You hear the sound of the dog coming down the stairs. What kind of dog do you see coming down those stairs? A total mutt, Heinz, like just every type of like weird shepherdy, pit bully, just absolute lovey boy. Aw, hey, bud. What's your name? I'm Darrell Wilson.

I know those nose. You sniff his butt. I sniff his butt. I sniffed so hard. He sniffs your butt. You go around in a circle. He like perfectly does like an infinity sign to Henry's butt. Oh, his butt. I'm getting sniffed so hard. He sniffs your butt. You go around in a circle. He like perfectly does like an infinity sign to Henry's butt. Oh, hey, nice to meet you.

Wow, you learn a lot about a dog by doing that. Both of you roll insight checks with advantage. 22. With advantage, thank God, 19. Okay, so both of you can tell this is a good boy. Ron, you have a good boy. Hey, Ron, this dog checks out. Adult Ron pets him, I think.

And like, can he? Yes. Rogue looks up at you and its tail wags twice as hard. And its ears go back and it's just rubbing its face into your hand. And like doing that thing where like when a soldier comes back from the war and the dog like literally doesn't know how to. Because the dog's like literally, their body isn't capable of giving as much love as they want to in that moment.

So they just start like going like, like their bodies just go in every direction because they're so happy. So like the dog in the memory misses a future Ron. As long as it's been, but the dog's only been alive for so long. Oh God. Yeah.

Hey, Rogue. The dog is super happy to see you, but then it sees that little you is in a state and panicking, doesn't know what to do, and then comes over to little you and, like, nuzzles little Ron's face. What is little Ron's plan? Okay. Let's see. So a lot of the stuff that goes on the stove is hot. So it means that it's not hot to begin with.

So maybe we should check the fridge. Young Ron is a smart mother. Yeah. Ron, you're always smart. You're figuring stuff out. This is great. I didn't realize the fridges were cold for a long time.

As you try to pull open the fridge, it's too big. That door is too big. It's sealed. How about the pantry? You can see, you know, a bunch of stale boxes of like grain cereal.

It's just saltines. Yeah, a lot of saltines. Most of the box is half empty. Like somebody like ate the last one and then just sort of threw it in there. Oh, God. As if Willie wasn't a villain before. Anyway, this is a bunch of Triscuits, the worst. I like Triscuits.

But he's hot, so. Yeah. So it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. Hey, Rogue, Jack, is there any pasta boxes? And Rogue goes into this big pile of just like random detritus food, like old cans of beans and pickled hog's feet and stuff that presumably Willie just like stole from a bar. Pickled? And he comes out with a bag of tagliolini.

Tagliatelle. On his head. And he like, he comes up to you. What's that boy? The dog goes onto its hind legs and then puts his first two paws forward and joins the fingers together. And goes, That's a dog doing it. There you go.

It's a bit of a rigatoni. And yeah, so drops a bag of dry Tagliatelle on little ron's feet hey um hey ron do you want us to help you out with this or are we just gonna should we i feel bad just watching a seven-year-old make pasta but i'm okay with it if that's what you want ron whatever you want as your memories i don't respect the boundaries of your mind well you know i would help but i still don't know how to make pasta wait so you don't you don't learn how to make pasta here? Well, we could teach you. Yeah, do that. Yeah.

All right. Yeah, that sounds great. And Henry leaps up onto the counter and turns the faucet on. Hey, bud, all you got to do is get a pot to put this water in. Henry nudges to Glenn to grab a pot. Oh, listen, I don't got any papers right now. I knew it. Glenn gets a big old pasta pot and says, oh, maybe this one.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, let's bring this up here. And Glenn just hucks it up there, I guess. He's a little tiny guy. He hits Henry in the face and goes, oh, and he grabs it and drags it over to the stove. And then young Ron is like, where does the fire come from? Oh, you just turn this dial right here, but you

should only do it with an adult, but we're four adults. Well, two dogs. Well, I'm an adult. It's alright. I'm an adult. Let me tell you how to light this up. Ha ha. Yeah, yeah. Turn it and it clicks and when it clicks, it'm an adult. It's all right. I'm an adult. There you go, Glenn. Let me tell you how to light this up. Yeah, yeah. Turn it and it clicks. And when it clicks, it'll gas stove. It'll light up. It clicks.

You got a stove. You got that little run? Yeah. So just turn it until it clicks and then a little fire will show up. Okay. Don't touch the fire. Okay. All right.

Could you give me a boost, Rogue? Oh. And Rogue sort of steps right next to the stove so that you can just step aboard him with your light little body onto his back. Oh my God, this is the cutest fucking thing. He uses his little footstool. Oh my God. Yeah, then I turn little Ron.

Little Ron. Little Ron. Turns the stove on. Go ahead and roll acrobatics with disadvantage because you're young, Ron. Okay, so that's a four. Okay, so with a four, basically your hand slips as you're trying to turn the dial, and then you try to reach out for balance, and you reach at the pot,

and your foot slips off of Rogue's back, and you bring the pot of water back down. It's not hot. I mean, it just came out of the faucet. But you fall down, and the pot hits the ground really hard, and water goes everywhere, and the fire is on now. Schnauzer mop. I instantly roll around on the ground and the pot hits the ground really hard and water goes everywhere and the fire is on now schnauzer mop

I instantly roll around on the ground and soak up all the water great That's good. I ran outside and I shake it off and I run back in that's cleaned up and Glenn goes actually You know Ron's actually not much of a problem because most people don't salt the pasta water enough anyway So it's actually good that we start from here everyone roll Everyone roll perception. I love it. Everybody rolls. 19 plus 4, 23. 19. Wait, what? Twinsies.

Beth, what did you roll? I rolled 16 plus 3, 19. Triple 19. Anthony, that's, according to the rules, better than a natural 20. We got four 19s. Legally? Legally better. Three 19s plus a 16 plus 3. So you all, all of you smell something is burning.

Wait, I can talk. What am I doing? Something's burning. Oh yeah, some of you are on the countertop. Right, yeah. So you can see that there was a towel that was left on the stove and just the tip of it has ignited from the burner. Oh, I should have shook the water off in here. I grab the towel and I throw it on the floor. Schnauzer extinguisher

and I roll around on the towel. Ah, you're damp. You're damp still. That would help. So yeah, you actually managed to successfully make sure that the kitchen doesn't catch on fire you put out the fire and then glenn tells young ron too it's like even with the fires that's so bad again as long as you'd salt the pasta water and that's the thing that everyone just misses so you see young ron feel a great deal of these still a bit worried because he's still got to make dinner but like he feels unusually calm and happy. And then you realize old Ron that this is not what happened. You remember what happened when there was no damp additional dog to roll on the

fire. Sorry, Ron, man, what really happened here? You remember the feeling and thankfully your friends don't have to see this though, but you remember in your mind, the feeling of falling off of rogue and rogue yelping in pain. Oh, God. You remember trying to take care of him because you were worried maybe you'd broken his back or something. And he was fine. It just hurt. But while you were taking care of him, you didn't smell the smoke as the towel caught on fire.

And it began to spread a little bit. And then you remember the door busting open and Willie coming home and being like, I forgot fucking rubbers were my goddamn. And then he saw that the kitchen was on fire and he very quickly grabbed the sink. It's one of those pull-off nozzles or whatever. And he, and he put out the fire and you remember a lot of yelling. Do we get any insight into that at all? So Ron, the way that you feel this emotion in the same way that you can, you know, scratch an old wallpaper and pull it off to reveal what's underneath. And if you wanted to, you could do that with this memory fourth dimensionally.

You can show everybody what happened. No, Ron does not. And we all look at each other like, hey. Matt heard it. There we go. Matt's sad. Hey, guys, pretty good. We sound a little bit.

Yeah, Ron, this is, wow. Yeah, good job, Ron. Disaster averted. Yeah, no problem, right? I just want to say thank you for being here, I guess. I guess, you're right. It went really well. You helped me out.

Oh, we're glad to do that, Ron. We're glad we can be here for you. Again, you guys just got to salt the pasta water on. Okay, Glenn. Okay. Just want to put that out there. The worst thing you could possibly do. Literally the worst thing could have happened here.

Yeah. It's good, guys. We avoid the one thing that was the worst thing that could have happened, which was not salting the pasta water enough. So in front of you, another portal opens, and you see the cafeteria being made ready for an assembly at your elementary school. You see a big banner on the stage at the front that they've set up that says the Happy Helper Awards. Adult Ron, I turn into Rogue and I pet him for a few minutes.

He loves it. And then I go forth into the cafeteria. You go forth into the cafeteria and you see all the kids are assembled. The vast majority of them obviously just bored waiting for this to be over. But you see the principal of your school at the head of the room standing next to a little dais that they brought out. And there are a couple of chairs for some kids. And you see a young girl that you remember who was one of the most active Girl Scouts in your school

and she went out of her way to help old ladies across streets and do community work and do charity and all that kind of stuff. She fucking printed paper every year

when it comes to fucking cookies. Outsold the shit out of everyone in the troop. They called her the Finman's Assassin. And you saw somebody that spent his weekends,

even though he was in grade school, he would go to his grandma's hospice and like play guitar for them and stuff. Fucking show off. Glenn crosses his arms, fucking show off. And then there's a third chair that's empty. And then behind you, you see the doors to the auditorium open and you see the kids turn and suddenly you see their faces light up because they see something that they've seen a couple of times. And you see the teacher at the front of the class just go and like sigh and roll her eyes. And all of you see the image of young Ron riding on Rogue like a horse coming into the assembly. All the kids are

going, Rogue and Ron, Rogue and Ron, Rogue and Ron. And what's little Ron doing? How does he feel about everybody being so psyched to see him and his dog he waves to people I bet he's you know he's just hanging with his boy Rogue you know

just like doesn't really give a shit whether or not they're cheering like a full on Queens wave just a little pivot of the wrist

hey Ron is Willie gonna show up in this one can we leave before he gets bad this seems like a nice memory right now you remember that

Willie is going to show up I uh yeah if you guys want to go on to the next one. No, no, we're here for you, Ron. Whatever, whatever you need. You see little Ron on rogue walk past a couple of parents that you remember are actually parents of the other kids. The other happy helper kids. You see a little Ron ride at the rogue up to the desk and then sit down in his chair. And this part of the memory is a little bit hazy because you remember just looking at Rogue and Rogue looking at you during most of it. So you don't hear what the teacher is saying.

You hear, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Ah, peanuts. I steal one of the Girl Scout cookies and give it to Rogue. Aw. Don't do that. But it's not. But it's not chocolate.

But it's not chocolate. Rogue eats it up. And because it's a dream, it's totally okay to give dogs cookies and dreams. I just want really, really quick. Do not give any Girl Scout cookies to your dogs according to the internet here

really quick. And then you hear, I don't want, Ron Stampler with the help of, yes, Rogue, the dog, your dog Rogue,

there was a bullying incident. We won't say names and yes, you and little Rogue managed to protect one of our lovely students and even though I would love it if Rogue,

I would love it if Rogue didn't show up, but yes, your fellow classmates have voted you a yearly happy helper. So congratulations. Is there anything you would like to say, little Ron? I guess it would just be Ron. Ronald. Ronald.

Ronald, is there anything you would like to say to the student body? A little feedback. You can look into the back and you see the other two parents of the other kids are very happy and looking at their kids

and giving them thumbs up and there's, you know what, an empty spot on the wall where Willie should be. Hi, I'm Ron. And the crowd goes, we know, Ron! Hi, I'm Ron.

Hi, I'm Ron. Hi, I'm Ron. And Ron is trying to think of what he would say because he's seen, obviously, these other kids get the awards and stuff like that. But, you know, he's just kind of looking at that place where his parents would be if they were here.

He just says, Abby, we can help. Yay! Hi, I'm Ron! Damn, look at that crowd control. And Ron locks eyes with the Girl Scout. It is like, that's smart business. The beginning.

Yeah, she looks at you and she's like, yeah, did saving a bully put any money in your bank account? I'm going to Harvard. That's what Ron thinks business is. Somebody gives you a bunch of free products, and you sell it, and they are forced to buy it. That's great. And so the teacher just shakes her head at the hi i'm ron chant and she goes to the first boy and then puts

a little pin on him that says happy helper and he goes to the girl scout puts a little pin on her girl scout sash that's a happy helper and she goes to little ron and she puts a pin on him and you remember in this moment she just put it on a little bit wrong and the pin goes into his chest and it stings him and Ron reacts. Ow. Immediately, Rogue can tell something's wrong and he sees this teacher doing something to you and it gets stuck. She goes, please stop moving. I have to get it out. And you're just wincing and moving.

I think Ron's trying to maybe take it off and give it to Rogue or put it on Rogue's collar or something like that. Oh, yeah. He's trying to take it off and stuff too, but it's literally stuck in your shirt and a little bit with your chest or whatever. And so from Rogue's perspective, Rogue thinks that this woman is hurting you and he bounds up the stage in two big leaps

and he bites the principal on the hand hard. And she shrieks and pulls her hand back. And you can see a little bit of blood early begin to trickle down her hand. And the auditorium suddenly goes silent and the chants stop. Hi, I'm Ron. I'm trying to start up.

I'm Ron. You hear the close of a cafeteria door behind you and you see Willie Stampler actually did show up, but just in time to see this. And while the teacher sees him come in and she goes, get them out of here. Parent-teacher conference tomorrow night. We're talking, get them out of here.

And so he goes, yeah, Jesus Christ, calm the fuck, Jesus. And comes up and just grabs you by the arm and then grabs Rogue and just picks him up in one hand kind of roughly and then takes you out to the parking lot to your car. And as all of you follow him out to the parking lot, you can see that the car itself is now glowing purple

and seems to have a portal associated with it. So if you get close to that, you'll be able to go into the next memory. And as he's beginning to walk you back to the car, you remember, because this happened to you, obviously, but you see him look down the little runs at the pin on his chest and says, happy helper, you helped up.

They should have given you a sucker. It would have been more appropriate. And the car transforms into a portal and you can see the interior of the car, but you can tell that this is from a different time. It's not from this afternoon. Looking into this portal, you see your mother on one of her very rare days where she was feeling well enough to drive somewhere in the driver's seat and you in the passenger seat and rogue in the backseat. Oh my God. It's taking all my effort not to be like, Hey Ron,

this is a memory, right? And then running up to the principal and punching him in the face. That really sucked, dude. You can absolutely do that. Hey Ron, is this a memory?

This is a memory, right? Yeah, it's a memory. Hang on. Glenn disappears for a second inside the auditorium here. That really sucks, dude.

And Alvin gets like, yeah! Henry is, this is very hard for Henry. Like not to make it about Henry. Henry's just like, his heart is breaking right now watching this all happen to Ron. And he just kind of goes up to Ron and is like, I don't know what to say, Ron. But we're here for you.

We're here to bear witness to whatever you want us to bear witness to, you know? I have some shitty memories from my childhood that I don't talk about a whole lot, but you know, sometimes I wish someone else knew. And so, you know, maybe that can be some comfort that, you know, you're not the only one who sees this now. You're not the only one going through this. We're going through it with you. Yeah. Um, and you know, you said you didn't know what to say. I guess that makes me feel better because I didn't know what to say either.

And so, yeah, I guess this is what happened. Whatever happened, I'm glad you came. We met you and this is your future. Like we're here now with you. So whatever happened back then, remember, like you got three buds that love you now. Yeah. This is the past, not the present.

Yeah. Terry Jr. says, yeah, you already got through it. Yeah. And Glenn goes, and by the way, I know what to say. Hey, Ron, the adults in your life kind of sucked. Oh, yeah. That's a good point. I should have said that.

Yeah. Honestly, they all kind of sucked. They were all pretty fucking awful. Really quick, we're all just going to be a consensus here. All those people sucked. Young you ruled. Yeah, I guess compared to a lot of things. Yeah. Yeah. Is that principal still alive? I don't know. Young you rule. Yeah, I guess compared to a lot of things. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that principal still alive? I don't know. Glenn, what's why are you so obsessed with principal? I'm just really peeved by this principal. You know what I'm saying? Actually, no. She got an infection from that dog bite and died. No, she's fine. Rogue had rabies. Probably should be put down. No, she

has a very happy life right now, unfortunately. Yeah, all right. I'm just a real T.O. Do you know what I'm saying, Henry? Hey, if everything goes well, the fucking epilogue of this season will be Glenn going into this old woman's house and punching her in the face.

No. Yes! Actions have consequences, everybody. DJ, take your clothes. Go do some enforcement. Anyway, sorry, Ryan. Don't mean to derail, but yeah, adults in your life suck. You all head into the backseat of this car.

You sort of scooch in on either side of Rogue, who is shaking. And you look into the front seat, and you remember in this moment this conversation you had with your mom. This was one of the few times, like I said, where she was actually feeling well enough to go out. And she's saying, as she's been saying for the last couple hours on the way to your destination, she's like, you have

to go over it again, okay? We have to make sure the lie is consistent, okay? Okay, tell me what it is. Okay. You and I, we drove on an I-95 West, we went about 30 miles past the cardboard cowboy, the cardboard cowboy, remember that? Carboard... It's the details, okay?

Cardboard cowboy. We went out there, and I made you. You didn't choose to. I made you get rid of Rogue. Remember? That's what we're... You made me. Okay, so say it again.

I'm so sorry. Real quick, just say it again. We went to I-95 West. Good. For 30 minutes. Yes. Past the cardboard cowboy. And

um and um and then you made me and you made me get rid of Rogue. Yes. Okay. But I didn't want to. No, you didn't. And I don't

want to do this either Honey I'm so sorry And she pulls in What if we all Drive We don't have to go Why can't we all live out here with Rogue Because I I wouldn't be able to

Support you with my condition And I can't work properly. Oh, I know, I know. Your father is a complicated man, and I'm not, but he does bring home enough money. And here's the... She leans over, and she grabs little Ron by the shoulders, and she says,

the most important thing is that you and I love each other. And as long as we love each other, that's enough. Us loving each other is enough. And there's nothing that he can do or that the world can do that can hurt us. So long as we love each other, that has, that has to be enough. And the light ahead turns green and she goes,

Oh, we're, we're, we're here. And she drives forward and pulls into the parking lot and stops at a no kill dog shelter. And she turns to you. And she goes, it's time. If you want to say goodbye to him or anything.

What do I say? He doesn't understand. Oh, honey, he understands. He loves you. And you love him. And I'm so, so, and tears are streaming down her face. And she says, I'm so uh that we had to do this uh rogue I'm I'm really sorry that you couldn't stay with us and I wish I wish I could go with you but this way you're gonna have a new family, and I bet you won't even have to cook, because I'm not going to be a very good cook.

And I love you, and I'm so glad that you were my dog. And Rogue looks at your face, and your mom takes him into the shelter, and that's the last time you see him. And a portal opens up in the car. I'm sorry. A portal opens up in the car, and you feel stronger than ever before that your anchor is in this next

memory and it's a memory that you know exists but has always been a little bit opaque to you as you've remembered it uh in your adult life in the same way that the dimensional told you that sometimes the ink smears this This has always been a very smeared memory. And so you're looking at it clearly, and that on its own is surprising and unusual to you. And you see yourself and Willie at a lake about to fish. You've got fishing poles. You're ready to go fishing.

And you can see that the lure on Willie's fishing rod is glowing gently. And you can feel that's your anchor. But you're going to have to go in and see all this happen in order to get it. Okay. Let's go. Let's go, guys. Okay. I mean, yeah.

Whatever you need, buddy. Yeah. It's a few years later. You're in junior high by now. Whatever you need, buddy. Yeah. It's a few years later. You're in junior high by now. And you remember that Willie had told you, like, hey, let's go do some man shit, some outdoorsy shit. You're spending too much time in your fucking room. You're like your mom.

So let's go out into nature and do some fishing shit. You remember that up to this point. It's been easier in a weird way. You've gotten the vibe that he's been more resentful of you and more irritated in your presence. But that means that he just hasn't been talking to you as much. It's always been a relief. He's been giving you a lot of space

and it's actually been kind of nice. Maybe there's a little bit of hope or maybe there's a lot of anxiety about this trip for little Ron. I think there's hope. So Willie says, all right, so here's how you cast. You ready?

Yeah. All right, cool. So I'm gonna use my lure. Okay. Put the lure on. Okay. You go back like this and then you fling forward real hard. Oh All right, cool. So I'm going to use my lure. Okay. Put the lure on. Okay. You go back like this, and then you fling forward real hard. Oh, cool, cool.

Then you wait for a bite. You reel it in like this, and then you're going to have to fight. You pull in different directions. I mean, there wasn't a fish there, but if there were a fish, you'd fight it, pull it in different directions, and then boom, dinner. This is manly shit. You go out, you make your own food, all that kind of stuff. Yeah, no, this is great.

Can I try? Yep, go for it. All right, so I got the lure here. Use my lure. Go ahead. Oh, really? Yes. This is a lucky.

This is the Stampler family lure. I just decided when I swiped it from that tackle shop. But yes, notice the Stampler is still mine. I'm not passing it to you or anything like that. You can borrow it for training purposes. Yes, go ahead. Okay. He only had one lure.

He didn't buy more than one. Yeah, he forgot that Ron needed one. Yes, go ahead. Okay. Cool. He forgot that Ron needed one. Okay, cool. Alright, so putting it on the string. This would be easier if Beth knew how to fish. You put the lure on the string. I think.

I've never been Okay. So I'm just going to cast. I'm just going to cast it. Yep. Okay. Fuck! Oh, shit.

Fuck! The lure catches Willy in the back of his ear. Oh, God. And blood is streaming down the side of his cheek. And he goes, don't move, don't move. You're full. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry.

Okay, I'm just going to. No, no, no. Do nothing. Do nothing. I'm done.'t move. You're fucking, you're fucking. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry. Okay, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna. No, no, no, don't, just do nothing. Do nothing. I'm done. Do nothing. You will make it worse. And he pulls it out of his ear.

And he's just groaning. And he just holds his fucking ear. Dad, I'm really sorry. Ah, it's, it's fine. It's fine. No, it's fine. It's okay. You're all right.

Jesus fucking Christ. I shouldn't have. It's on me for assuming you could, you know, do something without completely fucking it up. No, that's on me. Oh shit, a fish! Really? Yeah, no, there's a fish in the water. Okay, now we're gonna do a different tactic. This one's with your hands. Okay. So do like I do.

He goes on all fours. Okay. Above the river. Okay. And he looks down into it and you look down in the river you can't see any fish and he goes, what you're gonna do is you put your face really close to the water. Okay. And this is the part that is beginning to clear up for you. The ink is beginning to take shape.

And you remember, and you see in front of you, your father very suddenly reach up and grab you by the neck and shove your face into the water. And your hands are splashing and you're trying to get him to let go and he doesn't and he's just stretching out his face just with what you initially think might be sadness but it's really just the irritation so he's got the lure in the same hand yeah that he's using to push you down into the water and you can feel the lure digging into your neck and you see little Ron reach up just instinctively

and his hand hits the lure and grabs onto the not sharp part and inadvertently pulls down and digs the hook of the lure into Willie's hand and he goes fuck and he pulls his hand back and for a second you don't have his hand on your neck anymore. He begins to try to get up, but his foot slips on the gravel, on the grocs, and he falls down into the shallow water. His head is a stone, a big, sharp stone,

and blood is streaming down his head, and he goes limp, and he starts drifting into the middle of the lake. And Ron's head is up by this point, right? Yes, yes, you can see all this. As you begin to clear the water out of your eyes, you see that he has sort of floated to the center of the lake, and he is barely conscious, and he is beginning to, much like you did at the pool,

he's beginning to, kind of drunkenly, kind of lazily, he's flailing, and you can see that he can't get back on his own. He can't swim back on his own. And you can see and you can feel, because you were in this position before, you know that there's a chance that he's probably going to drown if you don't do anything. Dad? Dad? Dad?

Current Ron is, like, staring at this kid, this 13-year-old Ron. And he's like, I know that this is a memory and that this already happened and I can't change anything. I didn't think I could change anything then either. I didn't know what to do and I couldn't move. And I knew he was in trouble, but I couldn't move. I didn't want to fuck up again. And then I thought, what if I didn't do anything? What if I really didn't do anything on purpose? And what if I just... What if I just walked away? And he wouldn't be there telling me that I did the wrong thing. He would never be there telling me anything again.

And so... Then I saw him, and I knew that he was drowning and that I had to help him. And so I knew I couldn't do nothing. And then at this point, younger Ron hops in the lake. Younger Ron leaps in the lake, learned a little bit how to swim, but is still not particularly good at it, but is paddling to try to get to Willie as Willie begins to stop struggling and begins to start sinking

and you see little ron get close to him just as willie slips beneath the surface and little ron puts his head into the water and can see down there he can't see the bottom of the lake the lake is too deep and it's too dark and he watches as his father willie descends into the darkness and when little ron surfaces without willie he's still holding the lure in his hand and this memory lure it's glowing bright purple and this is you know, your anchor. I didn't think that I could do anything. And then when I realized that I could, it was too late. So. And little Ron swims back to shore alone.

And this entire time seems to have behaved as if you weren't there, like he couldn't see you. But as you say that, little Ron locks eyes with current Ron. And he steps forward and he just puts his arms around older Ron. I think big Ron says that I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry too. You can tell that your time is almost up. And you have your anchor. Ron, it's time to go, man. Do you have anything else you want to say to little Ron here? We should, but we need to go. There's a lot of stuff I wish I said, but I didn't know what to say to little Ron here or you do you we should but we need to go there's a lot of stuff I wish I said but I didn't know what to say so I uh I don't want to kill Ron Terry Jr. comes up to you and he says Ron to be completely honest with you when we came back in here I had forgotten all the anger that I had and then we went back to the tower. It all came flooding back really suddenly.

And I was really angry at you all over again. And I didn't like that feeling, but your dad tried to kill you. You don't have to worry about what you said or didn't say. He's not worth that. And I don't have, I don't have anything eloquent to say or whatever. I'm a very erudite 13-year-old.

I say eloquent. Damn, do we? Damn, yeah. We should let Terry say everything. Yeah, shit. My mom's Samantha. I'm very well trained. I don't have an answer for it,

but I just want you to know that it's... I do have to be sorry for things that I said and did. I'm sorry that I said, who's your daddy now? I know it was really funny. Are you that sorry? I'm not that sorry. Okay. I'm really sorry.

The honesty is helping too, that the honesty is okay. But I just, I appreciate you apologizing to me, but in terms of this dude, you don't have to worry about what you said or didn't say, because I don't know if there's any path you would have taken that didn't end with him doing something fucked up like that. Maybe, but there's something I want to say, you know, now obviously is that I'm so proud of you. Well, you don't something I want to say, you know, now obviously is that

I'm so proud of you. Well, you don't have to. Thank you. I love you. I love you too, Ron. And I don't want Ron to die. I don't want Ron to die. Suddenly you feel yourselves getting yanked backward out of fifth dimensional space into four dimensional space and then back into third

dimensional space. We go to two dimensional. Whoa, no. We got too far. Cartoon episode. Cartoon episode. It's flat land. Here's your cheesy peeps. Did you just drop a sound bar? Batman.

And then, yeah, you're back in three dimensions and Peyton is like, madam, thank you so much for teaching me. This is going to come in quite handy i believe pain bud what does she teach you oh you'll see did you get it did you get it where's the oh and he sees the anchor in your hand so now you have two one is a symbolic anchor one's the real thing that you had from your your memory you know payton i'm glad i think totally you would have been wrong for that journey. So I'm glad. If you die, you'll be alright. It's gonna be alright.

It's gonna be alright. It'll be alright. Cause that's just life. All you do is try. It'll be alright. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson. Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos as Henry Oak.

Beth May as Ron Stampler. And Freddie Wong as Glenn Close. The theme song is All Right by Max Stenwaller. Courtney Theron is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Chad Ellis provides additional editing. Robin Rapp is our transcriber. Special thanks to Paul Crevasse for a location name we used in this episode. And also, special thanks to all of our Patreon supporters.

But especially Jana Jose, Hunter Sense, Jordan Carey, Sam Mikellis, Kessler Shawcroft, Michelle Quippers? thanks to all of our patreon supporters but especially janna jose hunter sense jordan carrie sam michaelis kester shawcroft michelle quippers quippers brooke murphy jack bainbridge chels marie yigdrazil 777 mark morrow michael martinez clerical error alisa reed carotini gaming chris tan seung alexander wilson and camden hulk these are our patreon supporters who are putting the rest of you freeloading chumps on their backs, but it's not too late. There's tons of Patreon-exclusive content

that just went up this past week. We just finished up all three parts of the Star Wars Gungans and Daddies miniseries. That last episode, probably one of the funniest things just like straight up that we've ever recorded. If you missed our Father's Day live show this past weekend,

you can still get access to the VOD as a patron at any level that's too many series our live show a whole slew of one shots and an extra talk show i mean this is a lot of stuff back there and you know as time goes on there's just gonna be more and more stuff so get on board now at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads five bucks so much audio check it out patreon.com slash dungeons and dads the twitter's also dungeons and dads are subreddit dungeons and daddies next episode is coming out july 13th i don't know how half the year is already over but there it is we'll see you then there was a time when you could read between the lines you know they never brought you down never brought you down older Ron is like Lil Ron is my rap name

my name's Ron Stampler and I'm here to say I'm emotionally damaged in a major way