Dungeons and Daddies - Ep. 64 - Mechanics and Heat 101

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

The dads come up with a plan to deal with Willy.This episode contains profanity and sexual content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchDarryl Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Henry Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Ron Stampler is Beth May (@heybethmay)Glenn Close is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song by Maxton WallerCourtney Thérond is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerChad Ellis provides additional editingRobin Rapp is our transcriberCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. but this is just on audio, and so you can't really tell. I feel like I owe an apology to some people. The apology is because I said a joke that was, well, the execution of the joke was not funny, even if the idea of the joke was. But part of my growing as a person made me really step back and say, whoa, Ron, maybe even if you'd said the joke as good as it could have been, it might not still have been a good joke to say because it might have hurt people's feelings. So if your feelings were hurt by my joke about women, I want to say I'm sorry and that it won't happen again that way.

To all those who feel like I've wronged them, I would like to offer you free concert tickets to RonCon, the Buy I'm Ron Farewell tour, which will be taking place outside of Neverwinter. It's going to be a great, legit show. You're going to have a blast. Again, I am crying. And like, comment, and subscribe. Don't comment if it's a bad thing. Okay, so this is a new video Apparently my my apology video did not go over well

And I have to apparently apologize for that I can see how you felt maybe because you couldn't see me crying that I wasn't actually Apologizing enough this video is not Monetized the last one was and still is so go ahead and smash that like button welcome to dungeons and daddies not a bDSM podcast, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast about four dads from our world, this world, the world you're listening in. Season two should be a BDSM podcast. Damn. That's the answer.

What a safe choice. Considering how not uncomfortable you were doing all the BDSM stuff in that episode, I'm sure you'll be really happy to do that for literally three years of your life. Are you a kid's personal growth? Like, we'll just all get more comfortable with it. That's fair, yeah. I guess that's your character art. I wasn't comfortable with doing D&D, and now look at me. I'm not okay.

This is about four dads from our world flung into a land of high fantasy and magic in a quest to rescue their lost sons one step closer every week. One step closer to the edge. Are they about to break? We're definitely not a step closer. We lost one son. We're farther away than we've ever been. But you gained a Doug.

Two steps forward, one steps back. My name is Freddie Wong. Hi, Freddie. Hey, Freddie. Well, I play Glenn Close, the rock and roll bar dad. Ooh, Matt didn't get a hang of that. The rock and roll bar dad of the group.

This week's Glenn fact. Glenn, uh, what? Glenn's Satoshi. He's the guy who invented Bitcoin, okay? What? No, he's not. Hold on. You can't't shut the fuck up he can do whatever he wants no that's not canon that's canon i think we all get one veto on a dad fact i think that's the new rule i would have spent mine on you quite a while ago

i don't want to get too much but i do want clever so you're saying canonically glenn created bitcoin or is there some like satoshi nakamoto is the alias i don't care about get into too much, but I do want to clarify. So you're saying canonically Glenn created Bitcoin or is there some like. Satoshi Nakamoto is the alias. I don't care about him. I care about Glenn. Of a pseudonym of a person who supposedly created Bitcoin. Glenn claims he is Satoshi Nakamoto. Is he?

No, he would not be running around doing Christmas cover band DJ stuff if he had invented Bitcoin. What if he sold it too early? Oh, the iron. Yeah, just because you invented money doesn't mean you have money. It would be embarrassing if you didn't, but it doesn't mean you have to. I'm going along with that fact because maybe Bitcoin will help us in this final battle. Let's not throw out any things that could help us in the final battle. The concept of Bitcoin might work here in the Forgotten Realms.

You know what I mean? Like you get a bunch of goblins solving math problems. So you see, once they've solved these Sudokus, you can spend this money. But why is it worth anything? Well, because they have to spend all this effort to solve these Sudokus. Hey, everybody. Just farms of goblins solving Sudokus. God, that's dark.

That's why Glenn wants to stay in the Forgotten Realms because he sees a bunch of rooms. He's like, I got all these ideas. I could do the movie. What was it, the one? Yesterday. Yesterday. Glenn's just going to do The Beatles. Everyone's yet. What was it, the one? Yesterday. Yesterday. I was just going to do The Beatles.

Everyone's going to be like, this song sucks. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play Daryl Wilson, the stay-at-home coach dad. Wait, do you prefer to go by Matthew?

Do I always say Matt Arnold? You just said Matthew. That's true. You just said Matthew. Have we been like incorrectly calling you Matt? Sometimes you do say Matthew. Yeah, sometimes I say Matthew.

Hold on, shit. Go into the transcripts. Honestly, that's pretty wild, I guess. Yeah, I've never been one to really care what people call me. And that makes you invincible. I respect that. Matt Arnold in Call Me By A Name. Hi, everybody. This is Matthew Arnold. I play Daryl Wilson, a stay-at-home coach dad who became a barbarian upon entering this magical world of dragons. What do your parents call you? I don't know.

Matt or one. Matt, Matthew. They call me both. Sometimes the wrong name. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. I don't know what people call me.

The energy is just electric. Speaking of this energy. Well, no, I mean, it's fitting because this seven deadly sin I'm going to talk about today is sloth. Probably because I was a little too lazy to really come up with a good dad fact which is a fact into itself if you think about it there was a pretty high energy like pretty get it together person like he's not really lazy like sloth's definitely not his problem except when it comes to pretty much all things technology so he's probably never responded to an email and that is why he still has his nokia it's like

the moment he even gets close to a phone store he's just let's get some ice cream it's fine we don't need to do this so yeah what if the phone store has a thing where it's like hey what if your cell phone was on your belt i mean he has one of those clearly that's what he won't get from amazon he'd rather go to the store than like actually work on a small business like yeah or t-mobile all right well everyone. I'm William Campos. I am the voice of Henry Oak, Birkenstock, Rockin', Crunchy Munchy, Hippie Nature, Drew Dead. My Henry fact this week is that Henry's dad was the elusive bank robber, D.B. Cooper. Oh, my God. Yes.

Yeah, that tracks. No, that's not my dad fact. My fact this week, we're talking about, you know, Matt's been doing the seven deadly sins. I'd like to talk about Henry's deepest, darkest secret. Oh, shit. This is the darkest, most fucked up thing to Henry about himself. All right. Henry knows that his Birkenstocks aren't vegan.

Ooh, that's great. So Birkenstocks, this is a dad fact brought to you by the fact that I finally plunked down for a pair of Birks, my first ever, and they're glorious. But they're leather. And I was like, they have a vegan Birkenstock. And I was like, no, I want the leather ones. And the footing of the sole is suede. Like, you're parking your bad boy feet in suede, my man. It is glorious.

That's why they're so expensive. Yeah, they cost a pretty penny. So your animal died for you to wear shoes. So here's what I'm thinking. I think Henry got his first pair as a gift. So he's like, well, it would be wrong to throw them out. He'd be disrespecting the animal. And then, oh, baby, those shoes, man.

So he keeps buying leather ones. No, but every time he needs to re-up with a new pair, he's got to find a new way to be able to get them so that he can half-ass justify it to himself. So he'll be like, hey, could you get me a pair of birkenstocks for my birthday but he's not going to tell you that there's a vegan one and he's hoping you're going to go to the store and you know like that they're not going to have it because they don't really have it in a lot of stores so it's like every time he's just getting a little closer and closer i think the last time he just

straight up like someone got him vegan ones and then he lost them that's dark whoa damn that's extra waste what you wasted yeah well he wasted the vegan ones he's like these shoes that was something that was energy that was water that's water he put them somewhere and hoped that someone else would go pick them up it happened oh he did that he paid it forward to a stranger no if you ever wonder like why there's like henry has this weird tension in his energy? It's because every step is a lie. Every step is a piece of hypocrisy. Every step reminds him. The pleasure in his feet reminds him that he's a hypocrite.

That's my dad fact for this week. Hi, I'm Beth May, and I play Ron Sampler, emotionally detached stepfather and rogue. Fun fact about Ron this week, a fact that has been compiled throughout this entire intro as everybody else was introducing themselves. Ron never actually knew what FOMO meant. Even when Glenn explained that it was fear of missing out,

like it went over Ron's head. Hayden's explanation didn't cover it either. Ron has been thinking and he's come up with a few ideas of what it might mean instead. We've got fear of musical overtures. Facts on mystery orbs.

Facts on mystery orbs. Friday, okay. Monday, oh no. That's good. That's objectively better. It's better. First of my opportunities. Fist, oral, marriage, orthodontist. I guess it's like an order of sex.

My four favorite things. Those are the bases, I believe. The best forms of penetration. Feet, ow, my orthotics. Oh, nice, nice, nice. Fucked on my ottoman. I think that's it. This sounds sarcastic, but like, you genuinely are a poet.

Fucked on my ottoman. That is not sarcastic. I'll take a picture of this. That should be the title of your next book is Fucked on My Ottoman. People will be like, oh my God, what does it mean? Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your dad. I don't really have much of a dad fact today.

Got a second wax. It's what they said. It's easier the second time. Yeah. That means we're dealing with smooth Anthony this year. Hold on. Guys, we gotta recalibrate.

We were expecting stubble Anthony, but we're working with smooth Anthony. I don't know what it does to your personality that you can just say you got your asshole wax

the second time in a public forum and just not have any expression or emotion. It's called a lack of shame. But yeah, that's Anthony right now. You know, you don't care what people call you.

I don't care what people, anything. You know, Matt, Matthew, hey, everybody got my ass waxed. Then I'll call you.

He have unwaxed it. Ask jungle, but my favorite song. It's just me over here with my jungle butt. Okay, so last episode, you did a bunch of prep for the big fight. Henry went to Oakvale and got his mother Autumn,

a crab mech, and a bunch of Oakvalians to come by. How many Oakvalians did we get, by the way? I was thinking like 20. 20! 20. Wow. 30 to 50 feral Oakvallians. 30 to 50 feral Oakvallians. But you said they're druids, right?

They are druids, but I'm saying they're all pretty low level, like one or two. Okay. But they are feral. I'm just saying they're all level two. Okay. Yeah. Let's round up. They all have like animal souls, if you remember.

Oh, that's right. They're like animals that think they're humans. Is that like my dog, Roscoe? Yeah, it's kind of the vibe. Ron and Daryl went to do maybe the funniest scene I think we've ever done in the show. I agree with that. Here, here.

Talking to Doug's parents to try to get some DNA from him so they could revive him using the remote. We did. Which you did. And we ended last episode as you used the return button on the remote control to bring Doug back to life. Now, if everyone could give me an Arcana check, please. Arcana.

14 plus 3, 17 for Glenn. 13 plus 0 is 13. 6 plus 7, 13. I got an 11. Glenn, only you notice. Nice. That fiat currency is meaningless. It's a fucking lie yeah i agree you know based on the things that aaron has told you about payton and all those kinds of things that the thing that makes the person a person is a combination of

their soul and their memories and you can be like payton and have a soul with no memories but you feel magically that doug has, but no soul. Oh God. Oh no. We pet cemetery Doug. He was always like that. Sometimes Doug is better. Doug has memories, but no soul.

Yeah. So he remembers sort of the way that he's supposed to act vaguely. The soil of an intern's heart. So he's the perfect intern.uely but like the soil of an intern's heart so he's the perfect intern it sounds like what you're describing is an ideal like worker an ideal unit of productivity i guess in a capitalistic enterprise like for its lungs metropolis we got one of those okay criterion collection i was literally gonna say bra so we're going to get you from both angles. If you just said Brazil,

you wouldn't have said Terry Gilliam's Brazil. I know who directed that movie. It was Fritz Long. I'm going to kind of gesture to the rest of the dads over here. Hey, guys. Hey, what's up, Glenn? Hey, Doug, it's great to see you. But we're going to talk for one second,

but thanks again for the coffee, bud. I'll be here. Hey, Doug, can you check if anybody else, especially the boys and anybody else, wants some drinks or whatever? No coffee for my boys. No coffee. bud. I'll be here. Hey, Doug, can you check if anybody else, like especially the boys and anybody else wants some drinks or whatever? No coffee for my boys. No coffee. Just decaf for them. Decaf for the boys and then coffee orders for the other like 30 people.

I mean, see what they want. Not everybody wants coffee. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll go ask. And then he starts going through the like 30 or 40 people. Oh, wait. And Doug, keep it up.

Sport. What's up, Glenn? So I have this like, called an intuition, spending a lot of time around crystals and stuff like that. Actually, you spend some time around crystals too. What kind of crystals are you into? J-O crystals.

J-O crystals. I feel like if anybody tried J-O crystals, it would be Glenn. Glenn, is this a thing? You don't know about J-O crystals? I don't know about J-O crystals. Hey everyone, we're be Glenn. Is this a thing? You don't know about J.O. Crystals? You don't know about J.O. Crystals? Hey, everyone. We're not doing an episode this week.

We're just learning stuff today. Just a little corner of internet history here for you. There's a reference to a Craigslist ad, which was titled Charge Up and J.O. 38, Houston. And then it's a picture of a shirtless guy and a crystal next to him. It says, the crystal I wear around my neck contains an essence that gets recharged when I jack it with a bro who also has a crystal. It gives me confidence at work, home, social situations, etc.

Nobody knows it's a J.O. crystal, but me and my bros, I've seen it glow white while jerking it with a butt. That's how I know it's real. You can come over for as long as you want, but I need a picture of you preferably wearing a crystal before I wasted my Kind of beautiful

It's like also it has this air of like it's not gay like I just I just have friends and we like to jerk off Around each other. It's adorable I've lost my train of thought come here talking about crystal Know what I'm getting you all for christmas i'm serious if you want to ruin it just say this one comes pre-charged well doug seems to be kind of the opposite of paid and not in a intern sense i mean he's definitely the opposite of pain like so many ways what do you mean i look into his eyes and i don't see a spark of a human being inside there so like like what glenn like what did you say i just think we can probably work him harder oh so are you okay okay is that why you just want to work him

harder is that all you want to tell us well i just want i'm getting just a group enterprise getting everyone's opinion about this what i mean. We should still like treat him with respect. You know, we gotta be nice to him. Yeah. I mean, we brought him back from the dead. You know, we want to, you know. Do dogs have souls? Oh boy.

Yeah. Yes, they absolutely do. Of course they have souls. What about fish? Yeah. No. In Anthony's world, he can answer that however he wants. That's his world.

But according to the Christian God. No heaven for fish. Damn. Wait, hold on. Wait, Anthony, does that mean that we could transfer Peyton's soul into Doug

to form a complete human being? If you wanted to turn this weird combination of people into somebody with Peyton's soul and Doug's memories and then make Peyton's body an empty husk of nothing,

then I guess that's something that could happen. Yeah, Peyton has memories. He just doesn't have Frank's memories, but Peyton has memories and a soul. Yes.

It's simple. Yeah, but the soul is more important. I don't know if I Yeah, Peyton has memories. He just doesn't have Frank's memories, but Peyton has memories and a soul. Yes. It's simple. Yeah, but the soul is more important. I don't know if I'd say soul is more important. Whatever. Anyway, that's all. I just wanted to throw that observation that I made about Doug. Hey, this coffee is really good though.

This is a lot to think about. At least he remembered how to make a good coffee. I need that coffee. Wait a second though. There's like resurrection magic and stuff like that. Does that mean like if we get brought back, it's like our soul doesn't come back? Is that what that means?

Doug doesn't have a soul? Doug has a soul? I mean, I'm not a big fan of his. He murdered somebody. He definitely tainted his soul. I would say that a lack of a soul would be a great asset as a businessman. I don't know. Like in the back of my head, I've been like, I know this is like a big, scary fight, but

it kind of felt like if we died, like there's probably some ways for us to come back. So I'm kind of like, hey, mom, I have a question. My friends and I have a question, scary fight, but it kind of felt like if we died, like there's probably some ways for us to come back. So I'm kind of like, hey, hey, mom, I have a question. My friends and I have a question, mom. Yes. Hello. Hello, everyone. Hello, Ronald. Hi, Mrs. Henry's mom.

Hi, Mrs. Oak. Call me Autumn. Hi, Autumn Oak. You call me Mrs. Oak. You call me Autumn. Okay. Hi, Mrs. Oak. So, mom, you know, like about magic and stuff.

You've been here a lot longer. My memory's a little fuzzy. If you cast a spell to bring someone back from the dead, do they come all the way back? Or, like, how does that work? No, no, no, they don't come all the way back. Generally, when you bring somebody back, there's something tainted about them in some way.

Not necessarily because they, like, turn evil or whatever. It's not a demonic situation. But basically, once their soul goes to whatever plane that they're intended to go to in the afterlife, there's kind of no taking that back unless you go to the plane itself

and then convince them to come back. So what you're generally bringing back when you bring somebody back is their memories and sort of their overall form. Your friend Scam Likely

is not entirely dissimilar. He came back kind of weird, right? That's true. He did, yeah. So they don't have a soul? We thought that Doug was in hell, but he was in heaven

and he didn't tell us. I was about to say, I never understood, but one of Carol's favorite shows was Buffy and there was like, I don't know, that young girl died and she was pretty upset when they brought her back. That young girl died? That young woman died?

That young girl died? She still came all the way back. This seems like a different situation this is a different thing yeah okay wait so if you come back and then you die again then there's you can't bring back anything even the memories are gone at that point it's like taking a photo copy of a fax i don't know if i agree with you mrs oak but that's okay okay your separation of memories and souls doesn't really vibe with i'm just hey do you not respect my faith though there henry i'm just saying I disagree.

I'm not saying she's... I mean, I don't want to yuck your religious yum, so it may be the case in your world, but that's how things work here. Wow, so tolerant. You're right, Daryl. In our world, when someone gets brought back from the dead, which is a real...

Oh, wait, no. I was about to say something offensive to you, so I'm going to walk that back. So I'm going to pump the brakes. Pam's like, ooh, I'm going to... You know, Daryl, I'm going pump the brakes I'm gonna walk that back I think we're due for another apology I mean Yeah I can't believe you would say

Something so coarse And so Unfeeling I don't know if we should support Henry Okay Ron So I'm feeling I don't know if we should support Henry. Okay, Ron. Okay, Ron. I'll see you over there later in wherever that place that people cancel town, sir.

Anyway, Daryl, I'm sorry. I think I'm just a little rattled right now. But that was that was a pigheaded thing of me to say. I do think we should all be. This is just. Yeah, no, it's okay. I'll be honest. I didn't even hear what you said.

Ron was taking notes on this apology. It's just more, yeah, I'm just trying to get my head around it because like, I mean, Doug's one thing I just, you know, memories, soul. It just feels weird that you're separating those two things, but that's okay. Cause I honestly, I'm just trying to figure it out. This whole look, like dad, dad, hold on. Oh, and Mrs. Mrs. Oak. Again, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful.

She squeezes in right next to Ron. I'm just, um, Daryl squeezes in between Ron and Mrs. Oak. Married man, Mrs. Oak. Did you hear that? I said he's a married man. Oh, yeah. Does that mean as little as it does in this world, in your world? I don't know, Henry, Ron.

I don't know why I asked Henry. I'm not saying it out of this one. What does word mean? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I just want, okay. Daryl's feeling very uncomfortable um

i'm just trying to figure out this whole payton like look like we got frank soul in there and payton's got his memories and feels like we got this whole daddy magic situation going on and and you know it's just it feels like whether it's now or sometime like we're gonna have to figure out this whole you know bring frank back and what that's gonna be like so i'm just trying to figure out what's gonna it's weird it's like i'm trying to figure out what's gonna happen like before i leap off the diving board oh shit i'm sorry i didn't mean that i'm just i'm trying to come up with an analogy like i'm trying to figure out what's gonna happen before it's gonna happen maybe we just gotta do it and pull off the band-aid i don't know well no i i understand i guess some of that daryl it's just i think you're

you know if you want something but you're scared of what you might lose. Yeah. And that's, yeah, that's scary. We're going to have to break the anchor at some point. And I think I just keep trying to like figure out what's going to happen when the anchor breaks. I mean, you're right. We got to talk about this eventually. Okay, we don't need to talk about it now.

No, I'm saying we should talk about it now. Peyton is, you know, if I remember how it works, there's the bowl, and you break the bowl, and then Peyton's going to remember all the Frank stuff from being your dad, right? That contains all of his memories. Yeah, his memories, right? Yeah, yeah, his memories, yeah. Once he remembers being your dad, then don't, like, Peyton have to, you know, I think he'll remember both, though, right?

Like, it doesn't just rewrite. Autumn says, yeah, it's not going to rewrite. He's going to remember't Peyton have to, you know, I think he'll remember both though, right? Like it doesn't just rewrite. Autumn says, yeah, it's not going to rewrite. He's going to remember being Peyton and your dad. He's going to be like a sort of Frank and Peyton, a sort of Frank and Peyton, if you will. He's going to remember. So my dad's going to wake up and be like, oh, I've been dead. And you're old now.

What's going on? What's happened with everybody? He'll have Peyton there to chill him out. He's Peyton though. I don't know. It's pretty freaky to me too. I need some time. It's just, we don't have time to think about this, but it'd be nice if I had some there to chill him out. He's Peyton, though. I don't know. It's pretty freaky to me, too. He can self-soothe. I need some time. It's just we don't have time to think about this, but it'd be nice if I had time to think about this.

Wait, Darryl, let me say something real quick. Okay. I know that you can't predict what's going to happen, and that can be scary, but there have been lots of things that have happened on this little adventure of ours that have been terrible and that I haven't predicted and that I didn't want to happen. And despite all of that, I am here with you guys, and I have my stepson, my son Terry, and I am okay. And so there are a lot of things that you can't predict. And, yeah, we might die. Oh, man.

Ron, you're the best. Is that it? Ron, honestly, yeah. That was beautiful. Ron, you're the best. You know what? Knowing that I got friends like you means I'm going to get through this. And I just can't wait to get out of this and start a business with you, Ron.

We're going to be great businessmen. Yeah. But we will talk about that later. So that's been on my mind a lot, too. We'll figure this out great businessmen. Yeah. Wow. We'll talk about that later. Sorry, that's been on my mind a lot, too. We'll figure this out. It feels like a nighttime thing. I don't know why. It's just like I always have serious conversations at nighttime.

Let's talk about what we do next. What's next? Okay. It's also currently night. You guys were talking around the campfire. Oh. Oh, man. Who said that?

It was nighttime. It was something I got to. Okay. Sorry, guys. I didn't mean to take up the whole thing with just trying to figure this out. No, you got a lot going on, dude. Okay. And to remind you, because you now have Doug the intern, all

of your roles will be a D8 instead of a D10 for how many hours your Climax is taking. Oh, we know. Lovely. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We we can learn from indigenous voices.

We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Let me see if I've got the lay of the land here. We've got four pillars that I gather are projecting some sort of anti-magic field. There's a big model slash drawing of this in the sand with a whiteboard, and Nick Jr. is helping out, and Daryl's been trying to keep track of all this.

There's a cool 3D map, is what you're saying? Yeah, Daryl's organized. Okay, so we've got these four towers that are powering an anti-magic field. It feels like we need to take these out first. Is that right, Autumn slash Anthony? Is that how the field works? So Autumn is walking around with you

looking like General George S. Patton. Or no, it's MacArthur, the one with the corncob pipe. I was going to say Mon Mothma in the Return of the Jedi scene. Oh, Mon Mothma's even better. Yeah, she's standing there looking austere and distant. And she says, yes, those four crystals are almost certainly

powering that anti-magic dome. Do all four of them need to be there? If you take out one, does it take out the whole thing? How does that work? From what I can tell, if you destroy all four of them,

obviously the entire field goes down. If you destroy one of them, then it increases the chances that going through will not disable a particular spell. Basically, any magic that tries to go through

will have to make a roll, and that roll gets lower depending on how many of those pylons are down. Hmm. There's the four pillars, and then in the field, there's a big wall, and the wall is protected by archers? Do I remember that correctly?

Yes, the wall is within the four anti-magic pillars, and there are archers on the battlements of the wall itself. There is a catapult they're trying to build within the confines of the walls. And there are a bunch of grunts, the Boreanaz and his baddies, everything, and the angry innkeep. Oh, hold on, guys, I have an idea. What? So we have RonCon happening right here as a great distraction.

we're going to need thumping beats from an opening DJ because those bass beats will hide the vibrations and sounds of a group of sappers who are going to dig underneath those four pillars because they cover the magical field but we don't need to worry about the magical field. We can dig underneath those towers and blow them up from underneath. They won't see us coming.

Isn't there stuff underneath the ground too? The magical field itself, it looks like a dome but it's actually a sphere and half of that sphere is on the ground. Which is fine. Good old fashioned explosives don't necessarily trigger. It's not magic. That's just chemistry and physics, baby. No, yeah. The fire will not be stopped by the anti-magic feel.

Okay. So explosives. We got dairy. Dairy. We got carry four tunnel. Carry. Okay. I'm tired.

We got dig four tunnels. It's all right, Daryl. You got a lot going on. Yeah. We got dig four tunnels. Doug, can we get another coffee over here for Daryl? Doug. Yeah, right at once. We got to dig for tunnels, right? It's all right, Daryl. You got a lot going on. Yeah, we got to dig for tunnels. Doug, can we get another coffee over here for Daryl? Doug. Yeah, right at once. At once, of course.

So we got to knock down those towers. And the cover is going to be the bass beats from the opening act. It's going to be kind of a shitty DJ. I know just the one. I'm kidding. I'm a great DJ. I was thinking of LeBron James. That's what I was thinking.

I'm sorry, what? What about him? He's so good. He's really good at what he does. Sorry, you guys. I'm sorry. What about him? He's so good. He's really good at what he does. Sorry. You guys aren't following me. Are you okay? Yeah. So it's the LeBron James problem. Like Willie's LeBron James. Like at the end of the day, you could like take out the rest of the team, but like, if you're not double teaming, if you're not stopping LeBron, like you're going to lose the game. So I'm just like, maybe we start our strategy from like

biggest problem back. Like, you know, like if I was trying to beat LeBron's, I don't even know what team he's on. Cause it's just LeBron. like it's just the lebron problem i think he plays for the dallas cowboys i believe he's the one on the cowboys right daryl's shaking his head willie doesn't play basketball and if he did i don't know i i think he'd be a lot better than LeBron because he'd probably play defense too. No, I don't even know if that's a good joke. I don't even know if that's like... He was just being able to hear the smile. LeBron's like, all that other stuff sounds really scary,

but Willie's really all that I'm thinking about. Yeah, he's at the end. You're right. We got to come up with our strategy to knock out these pillars. Taking out the pillars is nothing. We've got to get past the wall. That's a pretty big one. But then you're right. We got to come up with our strategy to knock out these pillars. Taking out the pillars is nothing. We've got to get past the wall. That's a pretty big one. But then you're right.

Then we've got the dads themselves. And who's the center of it? You've got Willie Stampler. He's got to be a pretty tough customer. I am concerned about your dad, but I feel like Mrs. Oak here is going to... I mean, she messed him up pretty bad last time. I messed up a homunculus of him. He's going to be more powerful when it's him in the flesh. You got us. You got all those

fun druids that we got with us. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm going to fuck more powerful when it's him in the flesh. Yeah, but you got us. You got like all those fun druids that we got with us. Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm going to fuck his whole thing up. But I certainly would prefer to have my... And she awkwardly tries to punch you in the arm, my boy by my side. Oh, yeah. Well, we're going to be right there, Mom. It's going to be fun.

It's not going to be fun. It's going to be really scary. I don't know why I said it. It's going to be fun to spend time with you, but the context of the time is not going to be fun. I just, but, you know. I got what you were saying. It's fine.

Just a quick question, Autumn. Yeah. Mrs. Oak, can you make homunculuses? I probably could if I wanted to, if I tried really, really hard. Barry has had a lot more experience than I have in terms of doing soul creepy bullshit magic. I'm more of a Healy Stabby type of druid.

But if I had a long enough time to train and hone my skills and stuff, I could hypothetically do that. I mean, we'd have to get a lot of animals to siphon their souls out and stuff. Just put that in the back of your heads, everyone. Maybe something there. And Autumn says, oh, by the way,

actually on the subject of training, if you all did want to just train your skills, that is something we could spend time doing. My thinking is four Climax actions will equal one level up for all of you. Oh, okay. That's something you should be aware of. Because the other thought was that Mr. Close, like I'm concerned, but not, I don't know, deep down, maybe it's just the optimist in me.

I just like, I don't know. I just feel like ultimately he's going to come down on our side. He just like, he just cares about Glenn too much. Like, I don't know. Yeah, I sure wasn't really helpful. Glenn, what do you think? Oh,

I'm going to kill my dad. Wait, what? What? Wow. Okay. Dang. I think your dad even really want to hurt us in the trial.

Like, yeah. Are you okay? Why do you want to kill him? Uh, let's see. He took everything from me. Oh,

okay. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. Oversaw the process, which took everything from me was complicit in a corrupt system, uh, against everything I ever stand for. If I, you know, yeah, okay, that's fair. Oversaw the process which took everything from me, was complicit in a corrupt system against everything I ever stand for. You know, listen,

if I'm going to ever do a Rage Against the Machine cover and I don't rage against the machine, then who am I? You know what I mean? I'm going to kill my dad. Yeah, he sucks. Oh. Okay, wow.

Sorry, are you guys, wait, hold on, wait, wait, let me just back up for a second. Are we all not killing our, I thought the plan, well, hold on, I thought the plan was we were all going to kill our dads.

I mean, do I need to kill all your dads? I'm up for it my dad's already died so there's part of me that's like well that's already happened it didn't really work out is what you're saying it didn't really work out when he died the first time so I was thinking actually

if there's a way that we could not kill him, because I don't know, I feel like guilty or I don't know. I don't want to think about it. If there's a way that we can control him and make sure he doesn't hurt us without us killing him. And just because, you know, it's like sometimes I get so mad at him and I get so mad at everything that's happened.

I'm just like, death, it seems too easy. It seems like I want him to know. I want him to know that he didn't get away with this. I see what you mean, man. Dang, that's intense. That is better than just straight up, dang. Now you're making me rethink killing my own, dang it. Look, the way I see it, as far as our dad, okay,

there's a couple levels going on here, boys. There's the moral level. There's the empathetic level. And there's the tactical level. And to me, the tactical- Daryl's writing these down. He's already written down three columns. So on a tactical level,

my goal is to get through that portal with my boys, right? Like that's the goal. You know, if my dad's going to stop me from doing it, then the chips are going to fall where they may, sir. He's been making rules and stuff the whole time. And stuff like we can't go back to our world without our anchors. And I don't even know all these arbitrary things and making up these rules. And what if we made rules that he couldn't break? What if we found that dragon G Gartok, with the bracelets? And he's got bracelets that make him have to do whatever's on the bracelets, right?

That's true, because you know what? Gartok, he was shitty dad. I mean, little doubt about it. He was a pretty shitty dad. He was the one. I was going to say something problematic again, and I'm not going to. But he was the one before Cern, right? He's the other one. Yeah.

There are two totally different people. Gartok was a dragon. Cern was a? He's the other one. Yeah. There are two totally different people. Cern was a lizard. Gartok was a dragon. Cern was a good dad that we ruined his entire life. And Gartok was the really bad dad with also really shitty kids. But now he's like, you know, cursed to obey whatever's on the bracelet. Those bracelets are really powerful. Didn't we get him to write something on those bracelets?

You wrote something for him. It was, treat everybody like you want to be treated or something like that. But then it said. There's some stuff about mac and cheese in there. So what are you thinking about? You all prepared this part. I can smell it on you. If we get the bracelets off of Guard Talk, if we could just

find some way to get it on my dad so that he had to obey whatever those bracelets said, then maybe we could get away. What it said would be helpful. I do believe there was a thing where it said like, you have to respect your kids' decisions within a certain boundaries, which, you know, maybe those boundaries don't really apply.

I don't know. It feels a little tight. Pretty early in the podcast. It was a big pain in the butt to get Gartok to write them. And I don't know if he's going to help us. I don't think we can just change what they say. We got to go talk to Gartok, don't we? Like we got to go.

I mean, step one. Find Gartok. So here's what I like about this plan, because like you said, Willy's the head honcho, you know? And this feels like, if we can get that bracelet on Willy, then a lot of our problems become easier. Right? Like, if we can disable

Willy, if we can take him out of the equation, then the whole thing starts to fall apart. Plus, then it solves the problem of, like, how's he gonna come back for us? Because, you know, we tell him, you leave us alone, right? So, if we can get that Gartok bracelet, maybe yeah. Our battle plan becomes like, do you remember that movie with the big purple man?

Do you remember this one? There was the big purple man. And then there was the space man and the robot man. This was, I'm not making this up. This was a big movie. This is a big movie two years ago or so there was a big purple man

and a space man and a robot man and like an old man from the second world war oh my god there's a big purple man and a robot man and a person and a person from the old world too

there was an angry green fellow it's on the tip of my tongue I can't a person from the movie. Oh, and the creepy green man, too. There was an angry green fellow. Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue. I can't remember, but in the movie, there was one girl. And in the movie. And a killer shot with all the ladies

lined up like, yes, ladies, let's work it. But they had to get the big purple man had this big glove and they had to get the glove off. So I'm saying this is like the opposite of the Purple Man movie where we have to put the bracelet on.

Henry, are you talking about the Avengers? No, I don't think that's what it's called. X-Men. X-Men, that's what it was. X-Men, the Dark Phoenix Saga. I'm 100% confident I, Henry, have said that's the name of the movie. As dads, we are confident in our memory of the movies. The kids watch. It was on TV and I watched about 45 minutes of it standing up behind the couch while drinking

a coffee. It was on the superstation. My only concern is Gartok. Gartok's not going to help us. Well, let's try to talk to him. Maybe we should try to talk to him or. Yeah, I think we got to go talk to him first. Right.

Like, let's see if he can help us. And then, like, you know, let's see what see if he'll give us the bracelet. Right. OK. Yeah. All right. Do you all want to go see Gar talk together? So you'll roll one climb action.

Are we all? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like this is a dragon. A small one, but a dragon nonetheless. OK. So the first thing I'm going to do is I'm going to roll your D8 for time. So not bad.

You only rolled two. Hey, good job, Doug. Good job, Doug. Doug, through his much beloved powers of internship. He has a network. His network, his LinkedIn network of chained ghosts that oversee all of mankind. You find Gartok working at a crunchy fried meat stand called Captain

Crunchies. That was sent to us by Derek Rochelle. Thank you, Derek. Oh, no. But thank you, Derek. I'll take a number five, Gartok. Hey, man. How's it going?

So he's sitting there looking at a fantasy medieval equivalent of a cash register, which is just like a small box with a lever on it. And he goes, welcome to Captain Crunchy's. Would you like to try Crunchy? And then you say his name and he like slowly looks up and anger just crosses his face. And he pulls up one sleeve of his Captain Crunchy's uniform. And you can see the band that you put around his arm way back when still there.

And it's still glowing. And he goes, what do you want? How's it been? How are you? I've been treating you right since the whole thing? I've been fine. I have been the definition. Best good to be here, man.

No, not like, but not good either. My children, they don't want to see me anymore. I haven't seen them since we were all last hanging out. And yeah, I don't have a big empire of slaves working for me anymore. Yeah, you got a job. You're not having slaves. That's good. No, now I'm the slave.

Now I'm the one doing the work for somebody else. They're not paying you? No, they are paying me. But like my labor is not equivalent to the amount of money that I, it's all, this is bullshit, but no, I'm okay. I have a, I have a one bedroom above a tavern.

It's actually not bad. That sounds lovely, man. Welcome to the game. I was winning the game. I was the one determining the rules until I met you. And now I'm just another piece on the board. So do you want a number five really?

Or cause we, there are people behind you? Oh, yikes. I turn around the people behind us. Hey, this is closed. They're closed. We got to talk to this guy. They walked into the wrong Chonkies. It's called Captain Crunchies.

They walk. You know how like the Australians call McDonald's Maccas? Yeah, it's Chonky. It's Chonky. Those in the know call it Chonky. Exactly, exactly. There's poop on the food, but just today. Come back another day.

The guard dog's like, I'm working today. 13 plus 14, 27. 27, a orc and a small dog and a fairy behind you. Like, oh, bloody hell. I wanted to get my Chonky's on and they all head off. It's okay. There's another Chonky's they all head off. Oh, it's okay. There's another chonkies open down the way. Yeah, there's one probably three blocks from here.

We're fine. Did the dog look hungry? Not like starving. It's not like shivering, and it's got big eyes. Okay, just making sure. Otherwise, I would get some food. Honestly, the dog just curses and seems really entitled about it. He just walked on two legs.

I bet it does. Yeah, he walks around two legs angrily. That's how you know that's an entitled about it. Does it walk on two legs? I bet it does. Yeah, he walks around two legs angrily. That's how you know that's an uppity dog. So, Guard Talk, I see you still have the bracelets. I, yes, the ones that I cannot take off under any circumstances. Yeah, I have the one, don't be shitty to your kids,

and always buy good- Don't buy store brand. Don't buy store brand mac and cheese. Or toilet paper. So, you can't take them off? Is that how it works? No, I can't take them off? Is that how it works? No, I can't take them off. If I could take them off, I would take them off.

Do you realize how cheap store brand mac and cheese and toilet paper are? I would be living in a two-bedroom. They do seem seductive, don't they? Yes, they do. If we get them off of you, can you change what they say for us? The question is, when you get them off, a.k.a. by cutting my arms off, do you have a way to reattach my arms?

What if, wait, that's a good question. How are we going to get them off? I just told you, by cutting my arms off. I'm not going to cut your arms off. We're not going to cut your arms off. Just do it for your job. What if we never put them on? What do you mean, Ron?

What if we never put the bracelets on? Like, I mean, I know that we did, but what if we didn't? Well, what? because you're talking about that movie what movie avengers oh no in the sequel to the don't the purple man movie okay so we can go back in time and never put them on but we still want him to put them on but we'll have them but they would just be able to put on no our talk would be a bad dad if you didn't put them on oh yeah but now it seems like his kids didn't want anything which is we don't i it feels like we don't want to monkey around with like time a whole lot now here's the question you definitely do not have you any of you seen but what are we talking we don't know

how to time travel we got the remote that's right ron on the remote i'm looking at anthony there's a rewind button. Okay. That's true. We could send someone back and then maybe, maybe we just have him write something else on there. And then right now

where he is here, he'll have something else. Yeah. You know, like we can have him write, you know, like first of all, we can like,

maybe this seems like there's some loopholes in this thing that we should clear up. Oh yeah, we could do another pass of notes on it. But maybe we can punch it up

a little bit, but then we could also like write something that he can just take them off and give it to us. Oh, yeah, because if we ask them, he can take them off. Yeah, but only us, right? There's only other people to take them off, because we don't want to take them off,

but we don't want them to, you know what I mean? None of you have seen Primer. Daryl, but you've seen Primer, right? I've watched it many, many times. Daryl, this makes you. I really wanted Carol to be impressed with my understanding of it. You have no idea how many times. I put a hand. Daryl, this makes you. I really wanted Carol to be impressed with my understanding of it. I put a hand on Daryl's shoulder.

You've been training for this your whole life, Daryl. Okay. I think I could do this. I also think it kind of fits because, you know, I've been trying to get better at, you know, talking about things right away, but like I really need some time with this Frank stuff. So like if we did go back, it's been a couple months,

I'd have to stay alone. I'd have some extra time to think about this whole. Oh, gosh, you're right. Because we only have one charge. I'd have some extra time. We can't bring you back. I'm just going to have to hang around. You can't show your face to anybody.

You can't. Oh, yeah. Not even yourself right now. You can't. So, wait a second. What we're saying is if we hit Daryl with the rewind button and we send him back in time, he can go back and like, what would you do? Tell us what to write on.

We'll change what Gartok wrote on the bracelets and then we'll make it so that he'll give them back to us here. Yeah, we'll change what it says and we'll make it. We'll make it so that's perfect for Willie. Okay. But and then you'll like what? Like just hang out? Just hang out. Let me worry about that. I'll make it we'll make a sense perfect for willie okay but and then you'll like what like just hang out let me worry about that i'll figure it out i need you i need you to tell grant okay that he's my life and tell carol that i love her and hey man you're gonna tell them that yourself yeah i know but what if you did we send you back to the cretaceous period i'll tell them

that and if i don't come back and you got to get Frank out, just tell him he's got a good grandkid and his son tried his best, okay? Okay. I give Daryl a big hug. I said, I believe in you, man. We're going to see you soon, okay? We got to do this.

This is our best way to get home, man. Press the remote, Glenn. Well, don't we have to roll for it? Just press the remote. No, you don't. Because I rolled a natural 20 press the remote glenn well don't we have to roll for it just press the remote no you don't because i rolled a natural 20 on the remote it just you just do it just press the remote okay so glenn points the remote at daryl i can't watch and i press the rewind button all right as you press the rewind button you feel the controller fizzle out in your hand it burns up from the inside as the battery finally expires. Its final charge expended.

From the perspective of everyone except for Daryl, you see him suddenly. And now from Daryl's perspective, everything. Oh, actually, Anthony, one second. Can you roll a dice for me? Can you roll perception check?

Yeah, could you roll? Yeah. All right. Perception check for whom? For you, the dungeon master. Yeah. I got a 19. Okay, so what you see is immediately as the dog leaves the door,

Daryl comes right back in with a beard and a big bindle, and he goes, hey, everybody. It fucking worked. It worked flawlessly, Daryl? It worked flawlessly. Wow. Oh worked flawlessly wow oh my gosh yeah well do you want to check it yeah i think we went back in time so you want to check it i mean yeah did you go back to a previous episode to edit something i'm gonna need you to put on headphones right now are you fucking kidding me can you go to episode two yeah go back to episode two right now

right now go online go to episode two in fact and. I don't know if it worked, but I'm pretty sure it worked. There's only one way to know. Yeah, go ahead and plug in your computer. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to get a mic over here. Summer sleep kept us silent.

Fucking ads. Damn. Did you go back in time before this podcast was popular when I could just fucking listen to it? I feel like we need more practical values here. Like, there are some things that you should not buy store brand for. Toilet paper. Mac and cheese. That's true, actually.

Okay. No, it's not okay, Daryl. What the? Oh, my God, there's two Daryls. I'm Daryl from the future, but don't worry about it. You're Daryl from the future? Oh, we're already dealing with time travel? Hold, my God. There's two Daryls. I'm terrible in the future, but don't worry about it. You're terrible in the future? Oh, we're already dealing with time travel? Hold on.

Anthony, are you okay with future time travel shenanigans? There are only two episodes into this podcast. Freddy, it's fine. All right. He's just going to close his eyes and pretend this is not happening. Okay, so yes, I'm terrible in the future, but don't worry about it. Pretend I'm not here, but just listen to my words, and you've got to change what the bracelet says. Just trust me, it's important for yes, I'm terrified in the future, but don't worry about it. Pretend I'm not here, but just listen to my words and you've got to change

what the bracelet says. Just trust me, it's important for later. I'm coming from the future, of course. What am I going to do? Exactly. You guys did a good job.

Bracelets are pretty good. Just a little clarification. Just say, treat your kids in the same way you'd want to be treated, but it's always been the loophole and the golden rule here,

but if you don't like yourself and you would actually treat yourself badly, that doesn't mean you can hurt your kids or hurt anybody they love, actually. Keep that in there.

Oh, that's pretty good. Right? Wow, I should have thought of that. Yeah. Also, continue on with, and you have to respect your kids' decisions, remove love actually. Oh, that's pretty good. Right? Wow, I should have always thought of that. Yeah. Also, continue on with and you have to respect your kids' decisions. Remove that within

a certain boundary thing. Do not give... Oh, does that get us in trouble? Does that become like a bad thing? No. Too many questions.

Henry, you can't ask questions in the time Is that irrelevant to the future? And you can leave all the Dragon Age stuff. That's all good. It still applies to us

dragons become adult when they're like 100 or whatever. Okay, second bracelet. These bracelets cannot be removed by anybody other than these four dads and they can keep all the toilet paper stuff and baggage. Oh, that's all good. It still applies to us dragons. Let's become adult when they're like 100 or whatever. Okay, second bracelet. These bracelets cannot be removed by anybody other than these four dads. And they can keep all the toilet paper stuff and mac and cheese stuff. Oh, that's great.

Okay. Are you cool with that? Yeah, no. We really worked that out hard. So what do we do now? Are you on the adventure with us? I gotta run. Pretend I'm not here.

Do everything as you would have done, as if this didn't happen. Just pretend this didn't happen. Goodbye, and don't follow me. And then Daryl just runs away into the woods. And then other Daryl is like, Oh, hey, guys. Is that cool? We got the bracelet?

Motherfucker. Motherfucker. Holy shit. Of all the things that I thought would happen with your playing, that was not one of them. Oh, my God. So new viewers are just going to be like, oh. Spoilers, I guess.

Holy shit. Daryl's got the bend-only box of a guard top. He'll be like, guard top, I'll be taking those bracelets. spoilers I guess holy shit Daryl's got the bend-only box of a Gartok be like Gartok I'll be taking those bracelets thank you very much

and Gartok's like yeah no I remember there was a time where I guess you were gonna eventually come and get oh so you're the whoa whoa

primer yeah right weird um thanks thanks a lot so Gartok goes yeah no go ahead take it

and he puts his arm out and allows you to remove the bracelets as only you four can do. Hey, Gartok, can I have a quick dad huddle with the dads here? We'll be right back to you. Yeah. Yeah. Go for it. Daryl, holy shit.

Daryl. What did you do? A lot. I learned a lot. I'm the same person, but changed. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. Daryl, did you get like six free months of prep turns for like this final?

You have to be kidding me. There's a lot I want to talk about. There's a lot I want to say. But right now, we got a friend in Gartalk here. And I got to show you guys something. I don't know if this was a good idea. I just thought it'd be important. I had a lot of time just hiding out, making sure I never cross paths with you.

It was hard. There were times where I was like, mistakes that we made that I thought maybe I could fix, but I learned about primer. I don't want to. I don't. I went back to Gartok's cave where we first met. That's what this bindle is. It's what?

I brought back the bones of the kid we killed in case we wanted to. What the fuck? Why? Which kid? Look, his dragon. I always felt bad. That was the one mistake I was like, maybe we could fix. So I opened up the bindle and there's a bunch of dragon

bones. And Gartok's like, what you got there? Nothing, nothing, Gartok. Daryl, it's not just for you because it's been a while, but remember we had this whole thing when we brought back Doug and we realized he didn't have a soul? You can't bring him back all the way. I know, I just kind of didn't agree with your whole mom's thing about what

the soul is. You said your mom's never been wrong. You barely met her. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry.

That was your years alone. I think we should put this away. Okay. I think we shouldn't let Cardock see this. I think it would really upset him. I'm going to go give it a real burial then. Okay. It was just kind of lying there.

Yeah, man. I think that's right. Maybe his soul will be at peace, but yeah, dang, dude. Yeah, no, I don't think we should do that. Okay. Well, yeah, we got these bracelets and these would be perfect to put on Willie. All right. Well, we're one step... Did you bring any of the other stuff that we lost?

No, I was afraid. I didn't want to go anywhere we'd been. So you got the dragon bones, but you didn't get, like, our car or anything? Our car? Our car's in the real world, Bron. If i came back with a car we'd just be home by now i didn't find a way back you know that'd be too easy but right i do have a little something that might uh what what do you have got a business idea oh a business i did spend most of the time at i felt pretty bad in fact actually another good news is definitely that barmaid or the bar sorry the bar owner is on our side now because uh i

i spent the six months at her place because i knew we were never gonna go back there and i just felt bad so i i cleaned up and i and i made brew and honestly i've gone pretty good not as good as my sisters and like i've spent some time with myself honestly she's a really nice person she taught me a lot about i i but my beer's getting pretty good and maybe ron when this is anyways that's a lot i have a lot of time to talk about i have a whole business plan we'll figure this out so we cut to the forest where your portal is and the lance and his crew are assembling a catapult and dad killer is like sheltering himself from the sun borianis and some of his goons walk by the lady from the end what's her name by the way i feel bad i don't remember i literally don't think she had a name i don't think i don't know if she had a name and

she's just doing fucking bench presses of just two big barrels of ale on either side of a pole and they're like and boron is like hey you ready to kill that piece of shit daryl for screwing you out of all that beer and she goes oh, oh, absolutely. There's nothing I hate more than somebody welching on a deal. I am definitely going to kill Daryl Wilson. And then they leave. And she turns the camera and she wins. Cut back to you.

Daryl, what's her name? Yeah, what was her name, Daryl? We never got her name. Her name is Sweet Matilda. That name was sent to us by Cassidy. Thank you, Cassidy. Sweet Matilda is her name. Matilda or Sweet Matilda. Call her Sweetie sometimes. I thought it was weird at first. Like, I should call you Sweet Matilda. That name was sent to us by Cassidy. Thank you, Cassidy. Sweet Matilda is her name. Matilda or Sweet Matilda.

I call her Sweetie sometimes. I thought it was weird at first. Like, I should call you Sweetie. That's actually her name. Not to, you know, I mean, how close did you and Sweet Matilda get? So look, Matilda. Here's the real deal. Cut back to Sweet Matilda.

She takes a picture out of her coat. It's of her and Daryl together on a moonlit night that may or may not be sexual depending on what Daryl says next. But she looks at it with a great deal of love in her heart and a single tear rolls down her cheek and she puts it back into her coat. She's gone through a lot and we definitely helped each other out. Look, the point is

Look, the point is The point is, not only is she on our side and I didn't even think she was going to do this. I thought she was just going to join us and join the army. But she actually infiltrated as a spy in their castle. Or in their whatever it's called. I just call it a castle. The stronghold, I guess. The stronghold.

That's really, really wonderful. Wow, Daryl, you were so productive. I'm so proud of you, man. Big day for you, Daryl. It was more than a day. You know, man, I think you needed this. I did. Let's get back to camp. Alright. Okay. I don't know what to do next.

That's awesome. That's great. That's fantastic. That's exactly the kind of shit I was hoping would happen, but I never would have predicted that. Okay. Hey, you should still be good to your kids, man. I mean, I guess they're like, they're on their own now, but you know. Yeah, I mean, honestly, if you'd taken these away a while ago,

I would have been like, ha-ha, time to go re-enslave my kids. But I'm just tired. I got rent due next week, and this Chonkies isn't going to run itself. Oh, hold on. I got you. I go back outside of the Chonkies, and I start shouting. I'm like, actually, this is really good. No poop here.

I don't make a commission. It's not going to help me if more people come to the, You're just going to stress them out more. Oh, great. Now I need to be busy. I was just going to have some, I'll get a couple minutes alone to myself. This is a very busy chunk. We're sorry.

Would you want a better job? Yeah, I would love a better job. Become part of a fast growing competitive industry with a lot of room for upward mobility. What are the benefits like? Benefits are... Money. Money.

You got it. What do you want me to do? We'll figure that out. Glenn here is going to write up a job description, but let's get us back to camp. It's a really cool company. We're putting together a team. Yeah. All right.

Well, you know where to find me. Come with us now. We'll just be coming with you. Yeah. Come on. You know what well, you know where to find me. No one come with us now. We'll just keep coming with you. Yeah, come on. You know what? Quit this job. Fuck this job. And he throws his hat down and steps on it

and then follows you back to camp. Then the manager, Dale Chonky, comes out. He's like, hey, what are you doing? All right, Captain Crunchies cannot stand this kind of treatment. Hey, Dale Chonky, do you own this place? Yes. Oh. This happens to be the day that I visited this particular branch.

This is the flagship Chonky. You want a big, you want like a catering? Daryl, slow down, man. We got to win. I have a lot of time to plan about this. I just say we need food, don't we? And you have terrible food, right? And Glenn, you said we need terrible food for this fire festival.

That's true. We need cheese. Can you do a cheese sandwich? I need you to put a thousand cheese sandwiches into some styrofoam. Can you do that? That'll be 500 coins. If you want me to cater. We have 500 pennies.

You only have gold and you know it. You have never had to buy anything for a penny. What if I told you you could cater the most exclusive, influencer-driven social media event of the... All right, roll your 37% fucking persuasion, you pieces of shit. What if I told you it didn't actually have to be a sandwich, just a couple of pieces of bread and then a cheese? Exactly, Ron. You have full license to cut

as many corners as you need. Oh, this appeals to Captain Crunchies. Yeah, we're actually trying to make a... 18 plus 14, 32. So yeah, with a 32, he goes, you've got a deal. 500 coppers it is. So you have .5 less gold than you did

previously. You know what we just did was FOMO. Feel Out Meal Opportunities. Holy shit. You gotta run. God damn it. We can wait for clean water solutions. Or we can engineer access to clean water.

We can acknowledge indigenous cultures. Or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth. Or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. So you return back to your beach camp with Gartok in tow. The world is your oyster in terms of more climactions you can take.

That only took two hours. That's pretty incredible. It only took two hours. It was a really quick, fast. Doug's good. Tell us, what's Daryl look like after six months? So Daryl is... I just pulled six months out of my ass. Please tell me.

Yeah. Someone who's been keeping track of the continuity's head is probably exploding every time I say that. To the six months. Yeah. Everybody who keeps track of continuity's head is exploding literally every episode. Daryl looks pretty happy. He's got nice clean.

He looks like he just worked at a bar for a while and he's a little plump around the edges. He's been having some good drinks and having some good food. Daryl's been working in a bar. Does Daryl have like a cool sleeve tat now? Did Daryl get like a like an I'll say that you don't see any tattoos right now. There's no tattoo

you see. Thank you Will for a dad. That's her tattooing him. That's her tattooing him in a very specific place. She's tattooing the Kate's her tattooing him in a very specific place she's tattooing the Kate Winslet heart of the ocean picture oh my god

on Daryl's back hey Henry how come Glenn got to like do a metamorphosis in prison and Daryl got to do a metamorphosis

in like time travel when are we gonna change when you know what Ron we don't need to change man we're the two dads that we've already got it figured out. That's what I think. They needed some time to get it out. Henry, you got it. Glenn, come here. I just want to give all three of you, all three of you,

I had a lot of time to think. I just want to say, you guys already changed, man. You guys, the one thing I realized, the one thing that really stuck with me is I had a great dad. And I'm still trying and struggling. You guys had so much harder than me. And I'm just so proud of what the sort of dads you became. I just, you know, it took me a while. I just want to really, let's just, you know, you guys are great dads. All three of you. That's all.

You don't need to change anymore. I mean, we all do, but like you're, you've done a lot. My kids are pretty out of control. I probably need to work on that a little bit more. You'll get it, Henry. You got this. I need to kill my dad. No, honestly, guys, some part of me regrets that.

I feel like Glenn could have used the six months, but then I was like, you know, he already had like 20 years. Oh, well. No, but that was before. I'm sorry, Glenn. Yeah, yeah, it's all good. I will quench my thirst with the blood of my father. Squeak, squeak. So here's the thing.

I think I should go talk to Peyton. Yeah, man. And just like. I assume you've had some time to think on what you want to do about that. And we've got to break it. I mean, that's the thing. It's like, it's pretty insane. I put it on the wall, and no matter how many, you know, after.

Damn, he's already talking about Peyton like it. No, he's not an it. He's like another, I mean, not quite a son, but like, he's like another son of ours. Like, he's like, he's like our son. That's what's different. We all have our kids, and then Peyton's like our kid. Yeah, it's like, you know, we have like step- and then it's like with Payton's like we made a baby. Yeah, we did.

No, we did. You bought a zoo. You made a baby. You bought a zoo. How are you? I feel like I got to ask you. It's like I'm not the only parent here with Payton. Like, how do you guys like, are you okay with.

The way I see it, man. Every kid's got to grow up sometime. And we just know who Payton's going to grow up into. He's going to grow up into your dad. Right? Like that's. Man, when you put it like that, it's like, yeah, Payton's going to grow up sometime and we just know who payton's going to grow up into he's going to grow up into your dad right like that's man when you put like that it's like yeah pain's gonna grow up like the best dude ever but you know i think it's important that payton be in charge of that you know like i think you got to talk to payton about it and you know you got to like i don't know i'm gonna dodge this landmine no that's good no you're right i mean look at the end of the day like no matter how many times i wrote out on the wall, it's like, you got to break this.

Like, we got to break it or none of us are going home. It's like, we got to break this anchor. So, all right. Yeah. I think ultimately, you know, even though, you know, your dad had already kind of died and now it's like you're kind of getting rid of Hayden and stuff like that. It's just like at the end of the day, you know, you have two people that are like sharing the same body that both really love you like so much, you know, more than maybe one dad could. You've got both of them. Very true, Ron. Okay. I think I'm going to talk to him. Thank you.

What's Grant doing right now? Really quick. So all the kids. Don't worry, I'm just going to talk to Grant really quick. out really quick so all the kids i'm just gonna talk to grant really quick so all the kids are surrounding payden who is chugging from the uh supper bowl like a big a big old supper bowl full of orange juice they're going drink drink drink and he's like and he like totally successfully chugs and holds it up over his head grant's like yeah he's really good at drinking orange juice yay he sees you looking older and more haggard and with a beard.

And he goes, what? What happened? Did you, did it, did somebody cast a beard spell on you? What's going on? Hey, Grant. Hey, so yeah, you know how we just went out to go get some food? We got a lot of food. Poor kid.

We talked to Garth. Look, I'm just gonna give you straight. I travel back in time. He immediately just lays down on the ground, face down. Yeah, that's how I felt. Don't worry, Grant. You're still 12. You're still 12.

Yeah. Nothing else has changed. Well, now I'm wondering if I'm not. What do you mean? You traveled in what? Yeah, I traveled back in time. Just like a couple of months. Like I still was in here in order to get some stuff to fight off Will and everything.

And it just gave me a little time to think. We got to figure out this whole Peyton Frank thing. So I'm going to have a talk with Peyton right now. I just want to see how you're doing just give you a hug can i give you a hug so he pushes himself up from the sand and dusts himself off because yeah hug hug i'm really proud of you but as he's hugging you it clicks what you were saying about payton because oh my gosh payton yeah no i i mean if there's any i don't know what i could do but if there's anything you need i was gonna say maybe payton needs a friend after this but like it's not gonna

be paid and it's probably gonna be like my my dad your grandpa which like you never met so like it's be pretty pretty exciting uh yeah but uh all right maybe we'll talk about it later you know well yeah we will we're i mean he's gonna be here we'll we'll we'll talk about it and okay yeah kid you know the only hard part about the time travel thing was just you know for six months i just missed missing you so i'm just like i know i just left but it's nice seeing you right now he said he had a great time sending bar though so he was also okay yeah by myself and then all the and then all the kids instead of saying chug chug chug they say hug hug hug i was like yeah if kids are going to hug hug hug he goes guys and they're like hug hug hug to you again and they're like

he loves his dad he hugs his dad real good and everybody's very happy for him and they applaud alright Peyton you want to bring

that bowl over here oh do you want to see me chug too I could go for as long as we need to let's do that yeah yeah let's see that chug

orange juice in orange juice out easy peasy somebody orange me and one of the hot trees just goes and curls an orange i toward him and he grabs in his hand goes and squeezes it as hard as he can which is not very hard uh and like a couple of drops going to the hardest breaking the bowl and he like slurps the like three drops he goes like done and he throws the pretty much entirely unjuiced orange away. He goes, ah, delicious. Vitamin C makes me stronger.

It keeps my bones nice and tight. What do you want? What's going on? Your bones are so tight. Oh, do you want me to teach you some knife fighting for the coming combat? Because I can,

I can teach you a few things. Also, nice beard. Damn. Yeah, thanks. You grew that at Will? Hell, hell yeah. Yeah. I time traveled.

I've been. When am I going to? Oh, you took. Yeah, I time traveled. I've been gone for like six months. Oh, I was going to ask when I get to grow a beard at will, but no time traveling.

That sounds dope as heck. You won't believe what happens next. And then Ron starts crying. So pain, you remember what Aaron told us and the whole, you know what you are, right? Yeah.

Your dad saw, but, uh, super cool, unkillable, everyone's favorite, a legend. She said said she said one of those yeah that's all that's all true other than unkillable i mean we're all gonna die someday uh this is you my man but yeah no yes and your daddy's memories are in here and he shakes the super bowl around yeah and it gets a little it rattles a little bit in his hands he's like

i'm dropping now i'm not dropping it look what we deal you you know the situation we all got a these anchors are keeping us here and i would say that we got to break them but at the end of the day this is look obviously i don't understand this whole world and i don't quite know what's gonna happen and honestly i'm a little you know i'm not worried there's a lot of feelings i have about seeing my dad right now but i mean at the end of the day, it's still you. Like, I don't quite understand the whole how this world works in the souls. But like, it's you are still you to me. So I can't tell you to break this thing.

I just know that we're getting to that time. And now is better than ever. So I just want to know how you're feeling about it. And if you want to talk about it. Peyton has the supper bowl held aloft over his head. And he brings it down to a normal height. And he goes, what does Peyton think about it? To be honest, my man, I haven't done a lot of thinking about it. I just, this is a thing that I've made up that I say, that is entirely my idea.

It's that I lived my life a quarter mile a day. Are you sure you don't want Frank in you? Because I loved road movies. That's one way to describe the Fast and Furious movie. A road movie. That road series. Those road movies. Those nine films about friends on the road.

He goes, when I think about the future, I don't have much to think about. Because when I was in the UFC before y'all met me, I didn't think I had a future. I assumed that my life would just be waking up, getting the piss beating out of me, convincing myself I didn't get the piss beaten out of me, and getting up to do it all over again. So it's, I don't know, I kind of have this feeling that like every day since I met all of you has been like a gift. And if you keep getting gifts,

at some point you're gonna have to like return some of the gifts, because it's like too many gifts for your house. So you gotta like get the gift receipt. I don't know metaphors. I'm just a fighter and the handsomest man you've ever met. But all I could say is if it's going to make you and your son safer, and if it's something that you think is the right thing to do,

I know that I have the strongest personality of anyone, anyone has ever met, including you. And the memories of your dad sound pretty dope, but I'm pretty sure if it comes down to a fight, my memories can beat up your dad's memories. So I'm willing to psychically dominate your father. Daryl nods proud. Daryl puts his hand on Payne's shoulder.

He's like, you know what? Henry just told me, maybe it was ron i forget henry or ron one of those guys told me that you know every kid's got grow up and the only difference with you is that it was me oh it was i'm gonna go now yeah is that uh um i said some other stuff though you said good stuff too you all said y'all again you guys are great so me but that's all right yeah no family is everything then you got hashtag family hashtag family that you know the only difference with you is that we know the sort of or at least i know the sort of uh man you're gonna grow up into and it's it's a great one but i also just want to say i never knew my dad when he was a kid and i can't imagine a better kid than he could have been than you so i think um

you want this you want i was gonna say you want to do it together but know what you're the tiger you want to chuck that thing you want to chuck that thing against a tree you want to just smash it how you want to do it i'll do it my own way but before i do if these are gonna be the last words i say to you is just me is just payton bennett's that i want to say another thing that I made up entirely on my own. It's all about family. And he smashes the supper bowl over his knee. Wait, I want you to roll until he does because he's a weirdo.

Yes! Okay, so he brings the supper bowl down on his knee. And for the first time ever, for the first time ever, they get to a natural 20. Oh my God! Anthony just showed us the screen a natural 20. Oh my God. Anthony just showed us the screen. Holy shit.

Oh my God. For the first time and last time in his life, he gets a natural fucking 20 and cleanly shatters the supper bowl over his knee. And you see this beautiful pinkish purplish mist escape from the center of the supper bowl as they shatter and fall to the ground and you see this mist swirl about in the air in front of payton and it shoots up into his nose and through his eye sockets and pain goes and he arches his back and what seems to be maybe pain or maybe confusion he doubles over and falls to all fours. And then he slowly stands up.

But as you see him stand up, it's with a posture you've never seen him have before. His back is straighter, his chest is out further, and he carries himself with a different air. And he looks up at you with eyes that are kind of much like your own have been given the time travel recently. Eyes that are indescribably and bizarrely older and wiser. He stares into your eyes.

Dad? It's Daryl. Daryl Wilson, your son. And I put my hand out. And he pulls you into a hug and he goes, my boy, my baby boy. And he hugs you very tightly. Daryl hugs back and just starts weeping it's gonna be all right Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Daryl Wilson.

Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campos is Henry Oak. Beth May is Ron Stampler and myself. Freddie Wong is Glenn Close. Our theme song is All Right by Maxton Waller. Courtney Theron is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager.

Chad Ellis provides additional editing. Robin Raff is our transcriber. Special thanks this week to Derek Rochelle and Cassidy for providing names we used in this episode. You know who else

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Never brought you down. I'm so bummed you left the mac and cheese thing. I was going to say, with the second that Daryl went back in time, suddenly you're in a mansion because he's been buying only store brand mac and cheese.