Dungeons and Daddies - S2 Ep. 20 - I Brought You My Catbus, You Brought Me Your Love

Episode Date: October 18, 2022

Scary steps into yet another leadership role as the team plots their next course of action.This episode contains profanity, violence, and sexual content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit! DM is Anthony Burch (@anthony_burch)Lincoln Li-Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Normal Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Scary Marlowe is Beth May (@heybethmay)Taylor Swift is Freddie Wong (@fwong) Theme song is "On My Way" by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingRobin Rapp is our transcriber Cover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex) Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Look, if there was some punk, some teen girl challenging you for your spot as the leader of the Black Parade, would you let her challenge you and win and become the leader? Or would you destroy her lyrically, rhythmically, rhymeically, emotionally? I'm going to do that one instead. Yo, my name's Rasputin

and I'm here to say I'm never going to throw my shot away. Just like Alexander Hamilton, Slamilton, I got lots of bullets and I'll always win. I promise you, I will never lose myself because my rhymes are so high

that they're on the very top shelf. You gotta find a ladder if you want to reach it. There's a lesson here and I'm gonna teach it. These kids, boy, they snuck in. I've never seen them before. Plus, their poems sucked. It was a major bore. It's obvious they're trying to steal the tape measure.

That's a powerful item. Hey, that's our treasure. So here's all the ways that I'm super sad. I never feel happy because happiness is bad. Outro Music that question. That means that I'm qualified as heck. No, I'm not done. Let me finish. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. Instead, a Dungeons and Dragons podcast.

A pulse-pounding Dungeons and Dragons podcast about four teens. Theounding Dungeons and Dragons podcast. About 14s. The podcast equivalent of a page-turner. That's true. What is a page-turner for a podcast? An episode skipper. An ad skipper. An ad skipper.

It's a real ad skipper. Ad skipper 2x time listener. Dungeons and Dragons actually is a Dungeons and Dragons podcast. This season is at least. 14s from our world sent into our world back again to save it from their dads. From our world. From our world. From a Cthulhu monster.

My name is Freddie Wong. I play Taylor Swift. Not that one. The one who, like that will, it's turning my catchphrase. Not that one. So the ranger teen of main character of the group who is good with the sword and great with the lady. Are we letting him get away with this?

What's happening? I can do whatever I want. So can you, by the way. That's what improv is, baby. Teen fact. Taylor, growing up, was a fan, I think like many of us were, of the Berenstain Bears book. And also, by the way, grew up with it spelled E-I-N.

That was the doodler world. Did that get resolved when the world switched? Did that singularity finally collapse? Is it Berenstain or Berenstain in the Forgotten Realms? If you find a library, you'll find out.

Look at that tease. That's how the best in the biz does it, baby. His favorite of the Berenstain Bears books was the one where they get addicted to junk food.

Will and I have talked about this. This is our favorite one, too. It's my favorite one as well. Freddie and I read it together all the time. Because the candy, the candy, the candy looks amazing. Oh, that's a good tweet it's like step aside studio ghibli food accounts step aside for the fucking og king the bear has seen bears have too much junk food one oh my god

dare you to tweet that i will i will start a war i'm gonna get engagement beth and you're gonna be so jealous i really don't think i don't think so either. You don't think I'm looking at this, Bob? I've never heard of a studio. I'm looking at this cover, and these kids are pounding down yums, like Y-U-M-M-S. There's something called Sweet Pops that looks like cotton candy, but also a gummy bear. Dude, it looks good. It looks good. That's all I'm saying.

How many followers can possibly be following Studio Ghibli food accounts? Oh, thank you. I'm just saying, oh. Matthew, Matthew. Are you done? I'm done. Get the fuck out. Meow. Damn. I'm just making oh matthew man are you done i'm done get the fuck me out damn i'm just making sure because you're on the computer i don't want to i don't want to stop

if you're about to research something listen here's what i'm gonna do you do your fucking bullshit team fact i'm gonna fucking drop the tweet of the century and then we'll we'll all right hey everybody my name is matthew arnold i play lincoln lee wilson a schooled at home soccer kid who's the protective paladin of this group. Little teen fact, rad fact about Lincoln. I felt like this was a good time to finally just get this out there on the main podcast. Cause I'm asked this question all the time. So Lincoln's name, Lincoln is not named after Lincoln, the dog that Grant lost. They agreed that Marco would name the first kid and Lincoln would name the second kid

if they have a second kid. So Lincoln's actually named after Marco's favorite character on TV, which is Andrew Lincoln from The Walking Dead. And they were going to call him Andrew, but Grant was like, nah, my last ex is named Andrew and that's way too

awkward. He's like, okay, we'll call him Lincoln. And then Grant was just like, that's fine. Because he refused to talk about the tragic event of missing his dog. So in very Wilson fashion. That's why his name is Lincoln Negan Wilson. That's why it very Wilson. Andrew Lincoln is the actor's name. Huh?

Isn't Andrew Negan Lincoln the actor's name? No, I think it's the character's. That's Rick Grimes. Yeah, it's Grimes. So he loved the actor's name? No, I think it's the character's. That's Rick Grimes. Yeah, it's Grimes. You said you love the actor. You have a crush on the actor. Oh my God. No way.

It is. What other words? They couldn't name him Grimes because Grimes became the 47th president of the United States. They went through all these things they couldn't name after The Walking Dead. And finally they got to Lincoln. And in very Wilson fashion, Grant refused to express his emotions about the drama of losing his dog and he just nodded and said that's fine we can call him lincoln so that's why he's called lincoln the actor of the walking dead the show 40 years ago in this timeline that mark got it was his

first 40 years ago 48 years since it was good. It was his first crush. Yeah. Marco was a big Andrew Lincoln fan. He had a lot of those posters up on his walls. I'm sorry. This is how little I know of Wacky Dad. I searched famous Lincolns and Andrew Lincoln was the first one. I was like, oh, that's the character from the Wacky Dad. He's got a poster on his wall of him holding the, to me, you were perfect sign from Love Actually. Yes.

Perfect, yes. Hey, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I play Normal Oak, a cool kid who's great with a sword and great with the ladies. Hey. That makes two of us. He's a mixed-up mascot kid who doesn't know who he is anymore. One way that Normal is trying to figure out who he is is by planning out the future of his new mustache. He's been looking up mustache styles.

He's still kind of waiting for this thing to grow in a little bit more but he's thinking like he might want to go with like a real burt reynolds he looked up an article on meg's health about great mustache styles and you know he was like oh maybe like a henry cavill beard stash where like i do the mustache and then a little bit of stubble but then he saw this picture of burt and he was like that's what i want what's what i want for my life okay so real quick though what era is he in the goatee because you have like smoky and the bandit just the stash where the edges kind of like curl down a little bit like a dirt bag handsome dirt bag mustache is what normal's going for it's not there so he's not shaving no he's gonna he's going full in the rate that it's growing in in about seven years, he might have it.

Let me ask you this, though. Does he have it in him to achieve that? Do you know what I'm saying? Because some people just can't. Like, my brother can't get to facial hair. Not a day goes by that normal does not ask himself that very question. Also, his backup plan is a little waxy curly q handlebar mustache does he already have like a mustache brush and all that stuff like no i know he's been in the forgotten realms that's true

that's true okay oh be serious put that on the shopping list put that on the shopping list hi my name is beth may and i play scary marlo a goth punk seeker of darkness who is not like the other warlocks fun fact about scary this week is that her favorite word in english is the word ache because it's both a noun and a verb and so closely aligned to the feelings of her soul love it damn ache Damn. A. Damn. Is that the closest in terms of an noun and a verb that aligns with her soul? I'm trying to think like what other...

No, there's like... I was just on a Grammarly website trying to find like a... An A is near the beginning of the alphabet. A is so close. Her favorite word is Lincoln. Her favorite word...

Is the walking dead. Is the walking dead. Is season two of the walking dead. That's what she feels like every day. Just a walking corpse. Damn. Corpse bride. Nice. That's a movie too. Yeah. Wow, Matt. reference bro rent all right wow i mean i think birch i'm your

dad hey dad i think my favorite word is midst because there's not a lot of dst like words oh okay yeah it's just an odd concept how do you feel about daily savings time i don't like it oh interesting interesting interesting we say we do it for farmers farmers don't need that shit farmers yeah have you fucking seen the shit like farmers got so much fucking they got drones and shit dude you think someone with a drone needs to change yeah time one hour like they're beyond prehistoric bullshit any bullshit they fucking can fly their drones and water their crops with fucking computers and ipads shut the fuck up they're still like hey can we get can we get the sun to come down a little earlier so we can go to bed on time?

What are you talking about? There's probably more eSports gamers out there than are farmers, right? What are you talking about, man? I'm just saying, look, this might be a weird hill to die on. Well, I'm saying maybe eSports gamers are more important to society than farmers. No! Is that a weird thing? Yes, it's weird.

This is devastating. That's insane. Yeah. No. There are approximately. Maybe that's weird. No! Is that weird? No! This is devastating. That's insane. Yeah. No. There are approximately... Maybe that's weird. I guess that's weird. You guys, I'm hearing the feedback.

No eSports gamers ever kept me fed unless they were doing a shitty job in the jungle at LoL. That's right. They're feeding my top mains. No, hold on, Matt. There's like five... Okay, hold on.

Google how many farmers are there. Look, look. That was, without a doubt, on purpose, the stupidest thing I've ever said. Wow. Are you saying farmers in the U.s that's wild there are 2.01 million u.s oh yeah welcome to the concurrent fucking player count on call of duty if you're a farmer listen just don't at me

i don't care don't at me from your fucking technological chamber at the front seat of your john deere's. If you're a farmer, wait for the loon tunes like, as the sun rises, yawn all big as your rooster crows, then turn on your drones and send them to bomb Matt's house.

When we last left the group, you had gone into the city to see the Black Parade. When I was... Scary had successfully managed to convince the Black Parade that she was actually considerably darker and edgier and more in tune with her emotional, dark, depressive side than the current drum major was, leading the Black Parade to beat him to death. If you're a drum major and you're beat to death, is that an ironic death?

I know! Yes, as they were punching him, they were going, am I lagging or am I rushing? Drums. They're like, paradiddle this. Left, right, left, right, right. They would punch him with a left, right, left, right, right. Will? Just Will. I love it.

I love it. There's going there's gonna be also doesn't like it will's just trying to fill the silence with something so you don't feel too bad all i know is that there's a couple of musicians out there who got a good hearty out of that one okay so the black parade has knelt and declared that scary is their new leader and what happened to the you know we were there to get this tape measure. Yes, the tape measure is still around Vince's waist. Cool. So can I have that tape measure, Vince?

Vince, without hesitation, offers to use this. Yes, yes, of course. Now, who are we going to go kill? Oh, kill. Yeah, kill. Probably like our inner demons. How would we do that? They're unkillable, right?

They're forever. That's the whole point of why we're all miserable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, of course. And then also kill ants. Vince is going to narrow his one-dimensional eyes and do an insight check. And he goes, I don't...

I liked that poem. We all liked that poem. Yeah, we really liked that poem. Yeah, I mean, it was from the heart. It was from the heart poem i don't know if you're actually the darkest person in your what do you mean i'm not the darkest in your group taylor wants to verify that yeah she's pretty dark vince goes well this one seems to be he has some some lightness in himself because he believes in himself because he's stupid this one link he's he's just sad that's not the same as dark what man hey yo chill out she's got so many people she wants to kill but like she can't bother right now man just give

her a second why are you so more important things to do yeah but bins but bins jesus christ but vince goes like his little one frame animation walk and moves up right next to normal and goes one frame animation walk and moves up right next to normal and goes this one though oh hi there you yeah yeah what's up there's something in this one so he got a 14 insight if you want to roll to deceive to like hide your true nature or something if you want um i don't feel like i'm gonna do that okay i feel like i'm an open book so he goes this one is miserable This one is in the most delectable and distinct agony of any of you. You. Okay. Yeah.

Right. I mean, my tummy hurts from getting hurt a little while ago and I'm really in pain. Yeah. I'm not miserable. What are you talking about? I'm, you know,

I'm teeny the teen. I mean, I'm not anymore. And you know, there's like a couple of things I'm upset about, but like, I don't know if I call myself. What are you upset about? Well, I mean, you know, just some stuff like stuff with my dad or whatever, but you know, like I'm making do. You said you're not,

you said you're not teeny to teen. Why are you not teeny to teen? I don't know what that means, but why are you not that thing? I mean, cause you know, it seemed like I just wasn't really working for me and it wasn't making people proud of me. So, you know, I just wanted to like, maybe see if there was a new kind of style I could do up. Like I'm working on this great mustache. I'm really happy about that. So how does everyone else feel about the mustache? You guys all love it,

right? Like we all like the mustache. Can I get insight on, is he looking like he's going to get violent or yeah, go ahead and roll insight. 14. So the 14, you can tell he is not going to get violent at normal.

He is trying to see which of you between normal and scary is actually the one with a better grip on their own darkness and depression. Which of you is actually more miserable than me? Okay, so he's trying to just choose between the two of them. Norm, I can't believe you're doing this to me. You're really stealing my thunder, and you're really taking all the attention away from me. I can't believe you've done this. But I'm not really stealing my thunder and you're really taking all the attention away from me. I can't believe you've done this.

But I'm not trying, I'm sorry. No, you're, I'm sorry, Scary. That's not what I'm trying to do. Like, you're like the meanest, worst person of all time, right? Yeah, yeah. Vince goes, oh, look, everyone, look. She said one word and he immediately bent over backwards to make her happy.

He doesn't stand up for himself at all. Oh, he's a, he's a doormat. He's a doormat and he's a doormat. And he's miserable. Nothing has made him happy. And he's done everything for other people. I mean, yeah. Okay. Let's say I'm not like the most happy person on earth, but like, if you think I'm that

bad, like you should trust me to tell you that's scary. She's the one you want. Right. Like she's got like this dad that thinks she's great. And she like, you know, treats him like crap. Like she must be miserable. Right. Like, yeah.

Like that sucks. That's like, he's never done anything wrong to me. It's just that I'm like moody and I am in pain. And so, yeah. Yeah. Like she has someone who loves her no matter what and is super proud of her. And she's still upset, right? It's like, are you freaking kidding me?

Like, what's that about? So Vince pulls out a knife and puts it to Terryry jr's throat and he says that blade's one dimensional it's the thinnest possible blade and he says oh you you don't like this one so you would feel nothing if i if i ended him right now right because it's all pointless no i would feel um sadness because that's what i feel all the time oh rope deception 18 18 okay so they go ah Deception? 18. 18. Okay. So they go, ah, your sadness is so omnipotent that the death of another wouldn't change it. That's not bad. I see.

Maybe you are the dark one. Maybe you can lead us to take others to the forever sleep. The forever is like his death? I mean, kind of, just like less sad. Can we do a teen hell real quick? Yeah. Sure, sure. Just give us a. Could you... Can we do a teen huddle real quick? Yeah, sure. Just give us a second. We need to talk about

how much our lives suck. Yeah, they suck so bad. Yeah, just let us know when you're ready to lead us into battle against the undergrowth. Okay. Maybe you all should go

start marching or whatever. You guys are slagging off. Get out of here. Yeah, practice your baton twirls. Guys, I'm the leader here. Oh, you're right. Yeah, leader. Yeah, they don't, you're right. Yeah, leader. Yeah.

They don't seem very miserable, do they, leader? No. You guys each have to insult each other twice in a really hurtful way. So get real personal. Okay, we'll do that. Okay. Also on the ground is an item. This item was sent to us by Adam.

Thank you, Adam. It is the drum major baton. It is a bow staff you by Adam. Thank you, Adam. It is the Drum Major Baton. It is a bow staff you can use as a weapon, similar to Glenn's nunchucks, but it can also be used as a distraction if you succeed multiple different throws and tricks that get more difficult as they go on, again, like the nunchucks.

Every successful check for normal heals normal for 1d4, and every fail deals 1d4 psychic damage to normal. No matter who's using it? Yeah. Oh, that's great. Oh, it's just always attached to normal? Normal really cares, yeah. Normal is influenced heavily by this object.

So you can still have it, as long as you want it. Okay, so Scary picks it up. Oh, that's fine. Yeah, you can have that. Vince is already like, look, see, look how fun that one is. Hey, shut up, Vince!

Okay, fair enough. You ninny, he says to a friend of his. Okay, Teen Huddle. Heyny, he says to a friend of his. Okay, teen huddle. Hey, I think having this big army hanging around us that we can direct feels like a good thing. Well, I mean, it doesn't seem that solid. Like, she was a leader within one second. Like, one of the gruntlings is already, like,

threatening to, like, usurp. Like, I don't know. This seems like a very unstable army. I was going to say, like, do we need to stay here? If I know anything about band people and band kids it's that they smell fear and they will turn on you in a second if you show any weakness in front of them so i think we really caught a tiger by the tail with this one my thought is why don't we just grab this yeah we have it bounce let's get out of here yeah why do we need this like let whatever it would be a lot of a lot of responsibility to have to, you know, control the whole army or whatever.

The marching band, rather. Hey, T-Dog. Yeah, what's up? Am I in the huddle now? Yeah. Cool, cool. Terry. Oh.

I wave him over. What's our X-FIL strategy, bro? I was thinking we would, like, walk away because they're all looking at us. So I thought we would just walk back to the pussy wagon and then just drive away. That's not a bad plan. It sounds good to me.

We all stick close together, you know, hold hands again so that the vision doesn't happen. Remember? Like, so you and your stepdad aren't separated. So nobody can die. I don't want to let them see you holding hands with your stepdad.

That seems like that would be a pretty non goth thing to do. Yeah. I mean, I'm not doing that. So you just like punch him in the back of the head the whole time we're walking or whatever. I, Terry raises a finger in protest as if to say something. I punch Terry in the shoulder.

Ow. Anyways, I think I've got an exit strategy. What's the plan? Just follow my lead. All right. All right. You got it. Can we call you like boss?

Yeah. Do you want a cool leader name? What's your leader name? Scary. Captain Scary. Terry puts his hand on your shoulder and says and that's that's enough just as he as that is the what are you trying to say something my my dad told me or my mom told me it was like that's the just just being scary is cool scary that's a weird thing for your

dad to say but whatever fuck i fucked it up it's like you are enough just the thing that you do the things you do are good i think right that's what he's kind of trying to say i'm trying to say i'm trying to say the opposite of that so you're no good i'm no good oh what makes you say that i don't have to interrupt but can we like we could probably do this like yeah down the road his eyes widen and he turns to you and he's like i was i was right on the cusp such a fucking breakthrough. You fucked it up for me. I lean in and I go, you weren't close, buddy, yet.

Don't rush it, man. Don't rush it. You're okay. Just be there for her. You're okay. This whole time, by the way, Taylor is like Naruto finger-tutting

like this information back to Hermie who is watching with the... Hermie's just nodding solemnly through the monocular. I have no idea what this is. He's like, cool. I don't know what this means, but it means that Taylor wants to talk to me that's pretty cool

I'm Taylor's favorite Okay Scary we'll follow your lead Okay Attention band I have an announcement to make It would be such a cool fucking honor to be your leader which is why

I have to step down. Because it would be so cool that it might make me happy and I can't have that. Because nothing should ever make me happy. I am too unworthy and depressed clinically to be your leader. And thus, I must depart this land. As a last command to you, I say, march on in that direction and feel very sad. All right, give me persuasion.

With advantage because she's leader? She is the leader. Well, she just gave it up mid-sentence. Does she get advantage because those who don't want to lead are the most they want to do? They lead with most the lead? The thing that you just said? up mid-sentence. Fuck! Does she get advantage because those who don't want to lead are the most they want to do? They lead with most of the lead? The thing that you just said? I got five plus five, ten.

Ten, okay. So with a ten, Vince again, like, people are beginning to surround. It's like Trump trying to tell all those guys to go home after the incident. Yeah, very. You're very special. Go home.

I know what she's really saying. Okay, so Vince goes, I knew it. There's something off. There's something off. You haven't actually tasted true despair. You actually don't know what it's like to be really, really miserable. And I think that you're a poser. Poser.

Is that right, everybody? Poser. Well, I think that you're a fucko and a loser and a two-dimensional squid person. The bandmates around you lift their instruments and they go, you'll know what it is to be truly miserable once you've heard this music. Oh, God, I'm sure I will. Yeah. So either you can prove that you're hardcore and that you don't care about anything

in some way that may surprise me or delight me, usually involving violence. You'll have to come up with that yourself. Or we'll play this music for you and we'll know for sure that you know what it is to be miserable. And then you can meet us for good. I lean over to scary. Hey, I don't know if this will help help but like i got this gun that shoots humans maybe like could you like shoot yourself out of it or like shoot your stepdad or just be like i'm so i don't give a shit i just every day i watch myself die i kill i literally think i'm gonna wait no no let

them play that music for a clone of you yeah but like if we're away from them where they don't see us we might as well just run but we could also just run away scary if you want to bully me to prove to you that's a good guys that you're super hardcore you can do that just give me both barrels i can take it okay yeah why don't you just tell them that we're your quote-unquote best friends and then just like devastate us in front of them yeah just just i, I drop down my knees and I say, roast me. Yeah, roast me. Roast the shit out of me. I'd like to see you try to roast me, but you won't. Reddit r backslash roast me.

And here's the evidence. It's me. I put up a little sign that says my Instagram account. It's me. Do your worst. Attention, banned. Challenge accepted, obviously. You're about to see the roast of the century.

These are the only people that love me right here. All I have. Norm, you've got bad BO, man. That's just me doing a service to you to let you know so you can be clean. Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that. I mean, oh, God. Oh, no.

So you can be clean. Oh, thank you. I really appreciate that. I mean, oh, God. Oh, no. I don't know why you're so scared of anything else when you should be mostly scared that you'll never make your parents proud. Oh, God. And Taylor. Taylor's looking at his fingernails.

You think you're so cool. Uh-huh. But you're not. Meh. You're just a sad little dude and his father's in hell and abandoned him and your father went to hell

to get away from you. This does affect Taylor. Get away. And no matter how cool and how hot you think you are, you're never gonna make him come out. Hold me back. Someone hold me back. hold me back i can't i'm too i'm too hurt i'm already down and lincoln you're all grabbing your chest like somebody wrote the

death note about you you're named after a subpar actor wait what i never knew that you're way too preoccupied with what your parents think of you. Yeah. And Terry, Terry, Terry's beckoning you forward with, with hands like, I got it. It's easy. I can take it. Terry says,

he goes, Andrew is a very bad actor. Oh no. Watch love. Watch love. Actually again, he's a very bad actor. Taylor's like leaning against Lincoln.

Yeah. I need your help. Now Lincoln also collapses. We just a pile. Terry, I've been alive for 15 years and I haven't learned how to love myself. What gives you the right to try it in eight months? Whoa. You dummy. Terry narrows his eyes and goes, I don't know if that's a roast on me. It is because if you think it's so easy to be my dad, then you got another thing coming

because my first dad didn't stick around. And so he's really cool because he knows how dark and scary and wants to stay away from me. And that's how it should be. Tell him he's got fat ankles. You've got fat ankles. And I think you're needy. And I think that your eyes are too close together. So the others, other than Terry, I feel like they accepted your roasting.

I think for Terry, you're going to have to roll like intimidation or persuasion with disadvantage. He's not sensitive about his looks. No. Nor his ankles. No, he's a grown man. He's a grown man. His ankles look fucking glorious. His wife is Veronica.

No, he's still alive for a long time. He just has extra wide shoes. He's fine. He's good. He got that new balance. Terry, I'm never going to love you. Ooh, okay. Now, you don't have to tell me,

but it can be deception as well. You can roll with deception or intimidation or persuasion. You don't have to tell me which. Not with disadvantage because that's pretty good. Nice. I got a 16 plus five. Okay. So with the 21, you see it hit him.

You see those, like he's all soft. He's like, his arms are actually opening up to sort of bring you into an embrace. As you mentioned that like, you haven't loved yourself in 15 years, but even despite all that, once you say, I'm never going to love you, he realizes like the truth of it

and believes you wholeheartedly. He steps back with the emotional impact, but it's like an anime thing where he digs his back foot in and slides a little bit. His eyes begin to get a little bit wet. Vince and the other members of the Black Parade look

at your friends in a little pile and they go, that's not bad. That's not bad, but we all know that to be truly deep, dark, and cool, you have to hate no one else more than you hate yourself. What is the roast that you would roast yourself with? That I am a poser. What? I'm a fucking phony and I don't even like traditionally dark things like black's not my favorite color or whatever it's actually pink but I just I get so lonely that I thought that I could push everybody away but it's just stupid it's a stupid little game that a little girl who doesn't know jack shit is playing.

I miss soccer. Yes. He does it quietly, though. Roll persuasion with advantage. Nine plus five, 14. So the 14, Vince nods at you and he goes it's not bad kid it's not bad my dad left me

when I was a baby you wanted nothing to do with me my mom keeps saying she doesn't know where he is but I bet she does

I bet he's too cool for me fucking Terry thinks it's gonna be all easy to come in here and love me but the one person

who should've didn't. Vince is like, whoa, you had me. Like, we were good. I'm sad all the time. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. All right, it's a little much. I'm so lonely.

Oh, no. And my tummy hurts from getting those five hit points. And nobody's paying attention to me, and that's what's really, really. Everyone is paying attention to you right now. But it feels like's, what's really, everyone is paying attention right now, but it feels like we're not to you, which is even where, Oh boy. Okay.

Everybody, I guess let's pack it up. Let's get, let's get moving. She said that we had to go in the other direction and just think about our lives or whatever. What did you tell us to do? Come up with another sad song.

Another sad song. Right. Yeah. And then if it's cool, like I'll listen to it later. All right. Well, we'll see'll listen to it later. All right. Well, we'll see you again. But, yeah, okay, we're good for now.

Jeez Louise. Okay. Man, maybe talk to somebody. Woof. Yeah, I mean, things are really dark. Yeah. Okay, bye. Oh, wait, give me that thing.

Oh, yeah, yeah. It's still on his. Oh, yeah, he takes the tape measure off and tosses it to you. Nice, thanks. Yeah, no problem woof oh boy yeah so so i guess we'll forget about the undergrowth then we're just going to sort of hang out here the undergrowth it's the place we're at war with oh okay just like do a quick grant there's a grain in the undergrowth what's that what is the what is that though it's a place

where a lot of people live that we don't like oh yeah probably it's good if my dad's there then like yeah have them forget it i don't want to we don't like. Oh yeah. Probably is good. If my dad's there, then like, yeah, have them forget it. I don't want to, we don't want to go there in the middle of a war. Yeah. Like it's,

that would be fricking too cool if you did that. And that's lame. We don't want to be cool. So like, yo, yeah, don't. Yeah.

Terry, I mean, it was scary. You tell him you're better, you're better at it, but yeah. So yeah, no war with undergrowth.

That'd be good for us. Yep. Just carry on. Keep calm and carry on. Just carry on. Just carry on. Yeah. Sorry, I don't know why I sang it like that. Vince points and goes like, wait a second, there's something there.

Nah, fuck it. No, that was terrible. Man, teenagers scared the limit shit out of me, bro. So they walk into the difference. I guess this is how they disappear. Anyone else? No, no, no. We're the only ones who know the Elm.

No, but there's nobody there. Just you. Just you, Will. Sharpest lives. Now Will's the leader. He's the saddest of us all. The Black Braid heads back into the city

basically going over new lyrics and trying to find new ways to impress you now that you've blown them away with how deep and dark and self-reflective

somebody can be. Terry goes, Oh, okay. I thought I was gonna, I thought I would, this is where I, huh?

Okay. Nope. Yeah. You didn't die. Yeah. That was really fun. Make-believe right. His eyes are still wet and he does not high five you.

And he goes, yeah, no, definitely didn't. I guess I didn't die. I guess not. I guess definitely didn't have my heart i didn't die i guess not i guess definitely didn't have my heart see i knew you're overreacting yeah yeah silly me silly me okay well

i guess i can uh lean over to terry i go hey man i've seen her like in acting class she's like a really good i've you know she's thinks she's a good actor she's just acting i said don't talk to me oh all right i don't like you no you're mean never mind whatever she's gonna help you dude hey hey

Mr. what's no I don't help him he's mean but like you know if you want to be like proud of another kid and like love them

you know there's other kids out there that's all I'm saying you know like if you want to be supportive and you know tell someone that they're doing a good job

you know I bet there's other kids out there that you know would like having some kind of role model I don't know me like they have those programs like big brother little sister big brother big sister that they're doing a good job. You know, I bet there's other kids out there that, you know, would like having some kind of role model. I don't know me. Like they have those programs like Big Brother, Little Sister,

Big Brother, Big Sister. I put my hands on normal. Dude, you can do better, man. You're worth it, dude. I know you're having a hard time, but you're worth it. You're a good one, man. And your mustache looks great

and you're fine, dude. Like, you don't want him. He's mean. No, I like this one. I like you. I like you, Terry Jr. Oh, God. Terry like this one well i like you normal i like you terry jr oh god scary was right about the smell though you need to see about that that's not oh okay it's it's gonna drive you yeah you're really not good at this are you i'm just saying it's gonna drive

people away do you want friends you don't want friends yeah no sorry sorry fuck i fucked it up i fucked it up i fuck everything up fuck so if you want to you can just head back to the portal and drop off terry or you can try to take him to the undergrove. But also, it has now been 24 hours since you've been in this world. So everybody go ahead and roll a d20. And depending on how well you roll, that is the quality of memory you will lose. 11. That's a 10.

I got a natural 20. I got a 19. Do we want to roll low or roll high? You wanted to roll high. Okay. So scary, you don't lose anything. Link, you lose a bad memory. I forget that I'm named after Andrew Link.

Yes, the psychic damage undoes itself. Normal and Taylor, you're going to lose memories that are an everyday sort of element of your lives up to this point. Something you would sort of take for granted. Season 12 of The Walking Dead. Oh no Something you would sort of take for granted. Season 12 of The Walking Dead. It's gone. Something that we would take for granted.

Something you take for granted and look back on later in life is like, oh, I used to eat sandwiches with my sister when I was waiting for my dad to come home. Your mom cooking you pancakes every Wednesday. I've suddenly lost my desire to read things right to left. That's pretty big. Normal has lost the concept of Taco Tuesday.

Whoa, no, no. Will no no will a load-bearing will think about that will before you go down that route like the only reason the school still does taco tuesdays is because normal would always like remind yeah it's like and then like two years from everybody's like why don't we have taco tuesdays anymore it's all normal was important to the school damn it normal is the only one left on earth it's like the elevators he's the only one who remembered taco tuesday fantastic yes everybody has lost their requisite memory i guess reading from right to left is not memory you forgot that you like to do that you forgot the password to your weird fucking machine oh yeah yeah i forget one of my most important passwords which is the password that controls my home automation system in my room so it's like you forgot the perfect ai art prompt to generate anime waifus oh my god that's right

i found a realistic anime girl art station what was the rest of it in the style of who was it who was it great and a hole in my heart opens up for all the waifus that i will not have i'll be kind of weird vacant looking to all the waifus that I will not have. All the kind of weird vacant looking waifus. To all the waifus I've had before. You have one more dad to rescue. You can either get rid of this one or you can hang out with him.

Does Terry lose a memory? Yeah, Terry does lose a memory. But we don't know what it is. We don't know the quality of it. Teen huddle, teen huddle. Okay, just real quick. I say that we just sort of mention Terry does lose a memory, but we don't know what it is. Teen huddle. Teen huddle. Okay. What's up? Just real quick. I say that we just sort of mentioned that this guy, Willie got out on his own.

Oh yeah. We should see how he responds. He's going to find out about Willie when he gets back. Do you want to frame the context on that at all? Scary. I mean, I think that we should still call Willie April Mistwell, which is a really anagram of Willie Stampler.

Oh, that's cool okay that makes sense that's fun that's good that's really good that's amazing i couldn't really feel like may april that couldn't really figure it out all right not to throw a flag but um yeah i get the secretness but like you know i feel like we should tell your stepdad what he's going into i don't think that's really nice to like we know that willie was bad to him so like we should tell him before we throw him into literally willie like okay i think i can handle this okay for sure yeah let us know if you need anything okay yeah please don't be on the drive or i know you're pretending but it really hurt my feelings yeah i'm i'm sorry about

no i'm not i'm not i'm not sorry okay i'm i'm bad i'm bad okay also scary if you're ever looking for like a you know a pass buddy and you just want to kick the ball around you know what no i was completely lying when i said oh okay well that's cool i i'm not lying so if you do let me know okay um terry so listen about the other world this dude is out running around there. And he's pretty cool, actually. He's a little, like, less approachable, which makes him more approachable in my eyes. He doesn't try to put on airs or to, you know, like, make me like him. And he's got, like, a mean streak, right?

So, like, I just find him kind of inspiring. But he's out there, and you should probably know about it. So you wanted me to know there's, like, a chill hot guy? Yeah. Well, no, not, like, hot like that. Like, just, like, a chiller stepdad material kind of oh are you saying are you saying your mom is has been seeing no no no no no it's not like that it's just like you know i feel like why is that kid talking yeah taylor come with the room man

let's come on come on let's uh tell me about survival stuff I really want to know about tents. Ah, well, so the first thing you need to know is... It's Willie Stampler. So for a second, he steps back in, like, shock as if you just, like, slapped him in the face. And then he cocks his head a little bit and goes, well, wait a second. If I was supposed to die surrounded by the Black Parade, I'm safe when I go back. I can just fucking kill the guy.

No. I can just handle it. I can kill him and he can't stop me causing havoc i'm just saying i was saying as a courtesy i don't know why i all of a sudden i'm preoccupied with courtesy of all things i'm just saying that he's out there and that you should know and then he's dating taylor's mom so okay you're looking for a place to start. That's not really relevant to me, but I, yeah, I'm gonna, I think I have to, oh, so it sounds like you like this guy. Yeah.

Which is not, I don't know why you, I don't get that. I'm sorry, I don't get it. He's bad. He's a bad person. He's worse than you think. He's just shitty. He's fucking awful. And I finally have a chance to finish him off.

Then you're staying with us. You're not going back there. I think I'm gonna. I don't know if you can stop me. Can we stop him? I don't mean I don't. I don't want to stop him. I mean, you can, you know, between you and your dad.

But I love you. But like, I have to get rid of this guy to keep you safe. Like, if you go back and he's still running around, it could be very, very bad for you and your friends. And sorry, I snapped at you, Lincoln. No response from Lincoln. That's fair.

Oh, you were saying that to me? Yes. When he leaned over and was like, Hey, she's a bad actor. And I was like, are you going to give me eye contact?

So that again? Oh, that's not snapping. I don't get it. I don't get my contact anybody. Oh, it's okay, man.

I get it. You're having a hard time with your stepdaughter. That's tough. I got it. Yeah. It's also my own. I get it. You're having a hard time with your stepdaughter. That's tough. I got it. Yeah, it's also my own stuff. I'm sorry I called you a jerk. Why don't you stay here while I take a quick nap and then we can discuss it. Well, you go back to the pussy wagon and I assume you could like drive back and then

take your nap while you're on your way back to wherever you want to go. Sure. Yeah, sure. We're going to take you back to the portal. Let's just go back to the pussy wagon. I'm just going to get some Z's in the back of the pussy wagon and then we'll say our goodbyes there. Why don't you drive so the four of us can talk in the back? Sure. Yeah, I can drive. I know the way back to the portal and I just want to say thanks for being mature about this. Of all the things I've done to keep you safe, this will be the one that I feel the best about and the least morally ambivalent about.

So I'm cool whatever but yeah I believe in y'all that you can survive out here and that you can find Grant and bring him back too and then we'll be good then we can fix all this so yeah I'm driving now he says that aloud by the way very dad energy yeah where's the radio on this thing right don't tweak that one that one. I'm going to put the nightcap on. So you instantly fall asleep. Okay. And then Lincoln instantly takes off. He's like, scary, what's going on?

What are you going to do? Hey, I'm going to put a little do not disturb sign on this hat. So just say, give me some space. Okay. Hey, everybody. You need space. I put the hat back on. Okay.

You fall asleep. Willie, are you here in like the dream space? Yeah. What's up? You okay? Oh, you're actually here. We all look at scary and she's kind of like moving like a dog that's having a dream. Running in place.

Yeah. Chasing rabbits. So I think my stepdad is coming back there to like try to kill you. He can't do that. Can he? He can try, but no, he's not going to kill me. Do you want me to kill? I mean, I don't try to kill you he can't do that can he he can try but no he's not gonna kill me do you want me to kill i mean i i don't have to kill him um i mean is he cool like how is he like i mean i knew him when he was like a little little and i don't know how he's changed you know

since then like it's sort of up to you he's complicated he's like nice i guess and he you know supports me or whatever but he tries too hard and he comes off as a goofball and it's embarrassing. Oh, so he's like a nerd. Okay, I get that. You know what? Let's err on the side of, I'll beat him up bad enough

that he doesn't want to keep fighting me. I'm not going to kill him though. I'll keep him alive. Is that fair? Does that sound fair? Yeah. But yeah, no, he'll definitely try some stuff. I'll make sure he doesn't.

Okay, stay safe. Hey, you too. And then what should our next move be? Well, you can go get Grant. I'm also thinking, oh yes, that was the other thing I wanted to tell you. So there's basically a kind of a church somewhere on earth. I've basically just been sort of sitting around and just sort of like psychically reaching out into, you know, where you are, which is why we can, we can talk like this.

And I think there is a church somewhere that a long time ago, some folks tried to basically build a way of communicating with and sort of showing their admiration for the doodler in the hopes that he would basically show mercy on them. And I think if you go there, that's the place where you're going to have the easiest time actually diving into the doodler's mind and maybe finding a way to kill him. So, yeah, I think once you figure out, you know, you give me a little bit to pinpoint exactly where it is, but I know that's probably your next stop

after you deal with, you know, getting whatever Lincoln's dad sorted or whatever. Cool, all right. You cool, you good? Yeah, yeah, I am, I think I am. Okay, do you need anything? Like, I mean, like magic advice? No, no, you're trying too hard, man.

Okay, okay okay fair enough no no you got me there yeah it's my first time trying like i'm just i'm trying yeah but no that's that's fair uh i'm gonna go uh make out with taylor's mom a little bit more but yeah you have i take the hat off but you're asleep damn oh yeah how long we're supposed to let her i think we have to take this thing off it says do not disturb it's been like 12 hours oh yeah hey uh terry uh mr uh marlo yeah uh are we close yeah we're basically there okay we shouldn't get off real quick like what's the deal with this willy guy like we read the book and he seems like bad news but at the same time like i gotta be honest you guys seem like bad news you did yeah. Yeah. Sort of bad news all around.

Pretty bad shit to like, keep us safe. And I understand why you did it, but like, we're not really crazy about this whole idea of blowing up more planets and stuff. It doesn't seem like a good way to do it. And it seems like this Willie guy has another idea for how we can not do that by like fighting the doodler.

It seems like he's got a plan. So I don't know. I feel kind of conflicted. I gotta be honest. I understand why you might feel conflicted. And I mean, I remember what it was like to be a plan. So I don't know. I feel kind of conflicted. I got to be honest. I understand why you might feel conflicted. And I mean, I remember what it was like to be a teen. Everything was confusing. Your adults are telling you this thing and that thing. And you're sure that you're smarter than them. And you're sure that they don't know what they're talking about. And you know that when

you're an adult, you're going to do better and you're going to be smarter and you can have your shit together. And then one day, oh shit, you're an adult. And oh shit, you don't have your shit together any better than anybody else. This feels like you're avoiding the question. Yeah, the answer to your question is we made mistakes trying to protect you. Willie never made mistakes. Everything Willie wanted to do was intentional.

Everybody he hurt, he wanted to hurt. And every bad thing that he did was part of some greater plan. So if you think that he has some sort of way of getting rid of the doodler that's going to be bloodless or that's going to ultimately be better than whatever we can think of, I think you're kidding yourselves. I can't stop you from doing what you want to do. You're not my kids. I mean, scary is, but I guess no, she's not. No, she's not. I can't stop any of you. She doesn't give a shit about me. Why should you give a shit about what I have to say? I'm just some dumb ass adult. But I can tell you that

Willie kidnapped me and my friends when I was a kid, and he was going to keep us locked up for good so that he could be immortal. And if you think that's the kind of guy who could just change his mind after a while and become a good person and really want to protect all of you, I don't know what to tell you. You may not like what I and the others want to do to stop the doodler but I can guarantee you're also going to dislike way more whatever it is that Willie thinks he can do because I don't know what his plan is but I know whatever it is it can't be good why did you tell like did you tell your tell your wife any of this so like did my dad not tell Marco anything I don't know what Grant did how come you guys didn't get like help from anybody

like we went to everybody when this first started we went went to the FBI, the FBI came to us. We talked to all the feds and everything. And they seem to be the most interested in how they could maybe use the doodler for themselves or get into hell and use all the resources they had there. They got very distracted very quickly by by Nikki and his and his family rather than the larger problem, which they tended to think of is not that big a deal. I mean, as far as they were concerned, it was just more kooky stories about poltergeists and witchcraft and stuff that they already had a long history of ignoring.

The stuff we wanted them to pay attention to, they just wouldn't. So we had to go out as a family in basically a couple of mystery machines. That reference is probably lost on you. We just all went into a big van and went out and tried to solve some of these. You guys were like YouTube ghost hunters. But how did you find, like, you have Miss H big van and went out and tried to solve youtube ghost

hunters how did you find like like you have miss hale like and she's great she's doing like all sorts of stuff and like so why like you just put it all on on her and then you didn't give us anything like you didn't protect us at all like protecting is also trusting so i just don't understand like how grant or like how you guys could all do that yeah you didn't train us on how to use weapons we were trying to protect you from every part of it, not just the danger, but the losing your innocence as quickly as we did

and having to learn how to load a gun when you were 12 and having to do all that. I'm sure Taylor thinks this one with the sword probably thinks it's super cool. It was important

and it could have been a great market improvement on my life. I'm sure you would have loved that, but you also would have missed out on all the fun parts of your childhood, all the things that, my life. I'm sure you would have loved that, but you also would have missed out on all the fun parts of your childhood, all the things that, I mean, I'm assuming, I haven't had very long with scary in my life,

but I'm assuming you all had happy memories with your families of normal things and making cookies together and watching movies and throwing popcorn and, you know, whatever, playing board games. Throwing popcorn? No, like when you watch a movie, people like playfully throw popcorn at each other

as like a visual shorthand for like, they get along. You know what I'm talking about? You've never watched a movie before in your life, have you? I only watched a couple. I really like watching Miracle. I've just watched Miracle. You know how sometimes parents will lie to their kids about whether or not Santa Claus exists?

One more time. Do you know Santa Claus? You just learned this. I've been told that this was a lie. Well, okay, so Saint Nicholas technically does exist

in terms of that's your dad, but like Santa Claus, the red guy with the suit, uh-huh, is not. I'm so sorry you're hearing this from me. Sir, I did figure it out

and it was quite the shock and I would have preferred it that I was not deceived for so long. Yeah, but if you didn't have that, if you didn't have that period of time where you were lied to, then you would have never had any magic in your life. You would have come out with your childlike wonder

and you would have immediately been hit in the face by reality. All we were trying to do was save just a little, as much time as we could with you being able to enjoy a normal, innocent life. And we fucked up, I guess guess because now you're in this and you're in it harder than we expected or wanted and i'm sorry well look i don't i don't think we like willie i think you're gonna have to work on look i think something's going with scary and it's not my place to say but like we don't like willie but like we're not down with

what you guys are suggesting either we're not going to kill a world so we're going to figure this out but you I don't know. You got to go back there and fix it. Hey, I really hope you do. And honestly, I'm kind of rooting for you guys. Don't tell Lark that you said that. Why not?

What do you mean? Lark will do whatever it takes to get rid of the dude. Like your uncle's a complicated guy. He's a good guy in general, but he is going to do whatever it takes to make sure that the doodler doesn't win. And if you try to get between him and that, it's he'll go, he'll get weird.

Okay. He's not going to hurt you. Like, don't get me wrong, but like, I don't know. I don't want to speak on your uncle's behalf. I'm going to take a shot on something here. You seem conflicted like we are about all of this. Yes. Can you think of anything else we can do?

Any clues we can chase? Anyone we might even be able to talk to to find a third way to figure this out? Because both of these options suck. They're terrible. I got the psychopath lying to us, and then we've got you guys who we like, but you're doing all this crazy, you know?

It's just more death and destruction. There has to be another way. Like, is there anyone we could talk to? Did anyone from when you were a kid in this world that you remember that might have some information that could help us? There are definitely some people we knew. Their opinions of us are not what they once were.

Maybe they'll be different for you. Maybe we'll have a better time talking to them. But what could be worthwhile is a long time ago, we and our dads went to this place called the Church of the Doodler. And it was basically a sort of a monastery type place for people to try to worship the doodler and try to talk to him and stuff like that. And while we were there, we found out what the doodler wanted, or Lark found out what the doodler wanted. Lark was the only one willing to put his mind at risk

to sort of go into the doodler's brain, figure out what its goal was. It was like a physicalized thing you could sort of bring out. When he did, he smashed it immediately and said that we had to kill the doodler at all costs. Maybe if you go there, you can find out how to kill it. If it's got the information inside of it of what it wanted, it probably also knows, you know, what it's scared of. So that's what I would recommend. Lark told us to never go back there ever again, no matter what. So we didn't because Lark told us to never go back there ever again no matter what. So we didn't because Lark's kind of scary and he sort of knows what he's talking about. But

if I were you, that's what I would do. Well, thanks, man. That's, I think that's where we're going to have to go. He draws on your video game map that zooms out a little bit. Here's another checkpoint. Where the monastery of the doodler is. Do you know if my dad's in danger right now? If he's here, he's in danger, yeah.

Oh, okay. Do you know what he's doing? He was sent to go make peace with the undergrove. That's where we came here in the first place. Okay. That's what they told me anyway. All right. Well, hey, man, it's been super fun

learning more about you, you know, and it looks like we're coming up on the portal. I'm going to go wake Scary up. Oh, wait, before you wake her up real quick, like, look, man, let's be scary's friends for a second like look here let's all give a buddy sir yes okay just quick little advice like we've only been friends with her for a bit but like okay number one just like just like step off scary just a little bit just give her space man like you love her just like you know just let her know you love her but

like just give her some space yeah Stop getting all up in her shit. Share her interests. I hear a lot of talking, but not a lot of poetry. Maybe take the time. You should check out this poet named Rupee Carr. Oh my God. Scary weeks. Scary weeks.

We were just talking about sports and stuff. Scary, what kind of stuff do you like? Holy shit. This fucking loser. Scary, I love you. What kind of stuff are you into? I'm into being alone and not answering questions. Cool.

Can you tell me more? Oh, shit, that's a question. Tell me more about that. We're going to need to work on this guy. All right. Well, I guess I'll head out. All right. Cool.

Good seeing you. Yeah. He walks away and is like, trying to walk away all cool without turning around, but then he turns around and goes later and like does a finger gun at you, but it's like weird. And he like shakes his, like,

and then turns back around and then tries to hook a thumb over his back as he's walking away at you, but it's weird. And he shakes his head like, and then turns back around and then tries to hook a thumb over his back as he's walking away and then thinks that's also weird. He does finger guns, but instead of the index fingers, he does middle fingers. So you're like, is he flipping us off?

How do you fuck up finger guns like that? And then he tries to, he just basically tries to do a bunch of cool hand things like waving at you and stuff without turning around. And then he basically settles for raising his hand, turning it around so his palms facing you then like putting his fingers down like bye and then he goes love you bye and he steps into the portal and uh he is gone wow your dad's a pretty cool guy scary your stepdad oh shit i'm sorry how are you i'm getting a good rest oh yeah i feel well rested not that it ever really rested the chaos in my soul.

Yeah, we get it. Yeah. Guess what though? I think that we should go to a church, a church of the doodler. That's, that's,

how do you know that? How do you know that? Um, I just got a feeling, you know? All right. Well, should we do that before getting my dad? I feel like let's get, I mean, triage, you know that? How do you know that? I just got a feeling, you know? All right. Well, should we do that before getting my dad? I feel like let's get, I mean, triage, you know, I think we should swing by Grant first.

Plus, he might have some more information for us in terms of like what to do with the do-gooder. Plus, I feel like Link's going to have a nervous breakdown or something if we don't go see his dad. No, no, no. I mean, maybe we don't have to go see my dad now. Wait, what do you mean, bro? What do you mean? Oh, no, no. It was like whatever's more important.

You know, I don't know. Insight. I don't know. What? I feel like, but that insight. I rolled a 19. I mean, he's just nervous about going to see his dad. Okay. I like normal.

Yeah. What's up? His left foot has been tapping at 200 beats per second ever since we got on the bus. I think he actually wants to go. You're so loud. I can hear you, dude. Okay. Look like I'm just nervous about like, yeah, I'm just a little angry at my dad and I don't know.

Maybe we don't need him right now to see their dad scared you're no somebody's scared yeah some of us actually like our parents i'm sorry that that's such a problem for you you know like some of us you know like don't just take people who love us for granted and we we care about them okay well cool your jets norm she's having a tough time i'm just i'm not scared scary i'm just i'm angry. Or like, I don't know. Maybe he's doing something important. And clearly if he's doing something important, he doesn't need me. Otherwise he would have told me stuff earlier.

So like, maybe he's just doing his thing and maybe we should do our third plan anyways. Or like, I just don't want to ruin our third plan. Maybe we go help my dad and that's just going to help end this world or whatever. Link, you feel hands on your shoulders massaging them. Oh, oh, hey, thanks, Taylor. I'm over here. What? No, it's me. You just look a little. Oh, hey, Hermie. Oh, hey,aging them. Oh, Oh, Hey, thanks Taylor. Um, yeah, I'm over here. What? No,

it's, it's, it's, it's me. You just look a little. Oh, Oh, Hey, Oh,

wow. God, we kind of forgot about you. I'm sorry. I've been here a long time. Good at this. I know. You can stop.

I played a masseuse once. I played that to Weegee. That's right. You were good in that. Thank you. I couldn't see how good I was. It was a little pun from actors to actors. You feel anything back there

though i got like no knots i keep myself loose that's uh not true oh okay you are you're just one big knot you're like a racehorse after race day sorry continue though just want to remind you whatever i just think we should do whatever is most practical to save two entire worlds which is our responsibility now rather than whatever's you know i feel you know i should do anyways that's all just a group let's just take a group vote and just pretend my dad's not part of the equation should we go to the under grove or should we go to this church i mean if your dad's not part of the equation then we definitely don't need to just go to a place to see stuff yeah we're We're not on a tourist mission here. What do you think, Hermie?

You're part of the group, I guess. Well, how good is a massage? Let me roll. Ooh, it's a natural one massage. Oh, no! Ow! You were not free. You were not free, and he's introducing knots.

I've added knots. Pain is just weakness leaving your body. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. If it were me, it sounds like a place that maybe was a church a long time ago doesn't have a lot of stuff in it right now that is relevant

or it's going to be relevant whenever you want it to be. But it sounds like your dad could potentially be in danger like right now. Okay. Do you guys feel better after talking to your dad? Absolutely not. I don't talk to my dad. No? No. Cool. Well, I guess that's the way to go then. Let's go talk to my dad. My dad's anime not i don't talk to my dad no no cool well i guess that's the way to go then let's go talk to my dad okay come on i'm gonna drive if you guys don't mind yeah i think

well when i'm driving or i don't think that's that's the best part about it you just like can focus on the road so you drive to the undergrove according to the map that you have and the encounters on the way encounter table encounter table yeah i'll roll on the way. Encounter table. Encounter table. Yeah, I'll roll on the encounter table. Yeah! Nice. An immense centipede-like beast erupts from the snow, rows of chitinous plates on its back, glowing red hot.

Wow! Whoa! Kitty, drive past it! Kitty, bat it around and fight it. The cat just jumps really high in the air and then scampers away. Oh, yeah, it flattens us into the bottom of the thing, how fast it jumps. Yeah. Like a pickle. Oh, we run into a. Oh yeah, it flattens us into the bottom of the thing, how fast it jumps.

Oh, we run into a pickle. Yeah, it thinks it's what I just described, but it's actually just a very large pickle. It freaks out, runs away, and takes you to the undergrowth. You guys remember that time our car freaked out? So you head to the remains of what looked to be a rather bustling city center

and there is seemingly nothing at all there. Most of it seems like it's been raised to the ground entirely. It's just this big flat plain of wreckage and nothingness. Is this like a forest or like what is the... It's just a... It's an abandoned ruins of like a shitty plaza that had like a used game store

and like just a bunch of random, you know, like a little plaza between an intersection essentially. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And all this has been knocked down. Southern California strip mall vibes. Yes, exactly. Is it the Empire Center? No. Okay. If it was the Empire Center, I would have is in california strip mall vibes yes exactly empire center no okay it was the empire center i would have mentioned strip mall that is a one of the many wonderful things that are at the empire center for example chipotle and grain lab

grain lab there's a yala there's a california sushi roll forget that there is a outback right next to yeah but amidst that you see a staircase leading downward can we hear anything in the staircase investo you hear steps you hear something or someone going down the staircase there's a big hole in the ground with stairs going down yes and we hear stuff down does it look like a subway stairs i just want to know if it's like a spooky cathedral staircase from the ground like something that was made or is it like it looks like something that was made in a style that is not similar to the building surrounding it doesn't look like stucco and industrial design it looks like something almost medieval a lot of wood steps twigs holding away the soil from the actual passage of the stairway leading down into darkness okay

i'm gonna do sacred weapons. I can make my cool gun that shoots myself glow. And then I'm going to see if I can see anything down the staircase. Okay, great. As you peer down the staircase, you see your dad. What?

You see Grant heading down the stairs, holding a parcel in his hands, a big box wrapped in wrapping paper. And he like turns around and winces yet and goes, Link. Oh, oh, you're okay. You're okay. Oh, and I just Oh, okay. I just injected myself to like, oh, this is so good. Oh, wow. Oh, I'm the luckiest man in the world. I am so, so happy. Can you just wait here? No. I'm mad at you, mister. Well, in the words of my dad, let's talk about that later daddy's just gotta i

gotta i gotta uh drop off this gift really quick and sort of prevent some bad stuff from happening and then we'll be what no you tell us now we're here and oh i could you know dad has been weeks without you and you didn't tell us anything you're a murderer and you did the first rule in your book is don't is don't lie and that's all you've been doing this whole time i i'm i start kicking the wall i'm so i'm sorry we're not supposed to use vines but i could this was if you were the wall i'd be kicking even harder i'll tell you what no your soccer feet and i try to pull them off you need those you need those toes buddy you gotta keep you gotta keep my hands though and i start punching the wall i wish this was their face, Dad. I'm so angry.

Link, you got to, okay, ground yourself. Breathe in. Oh, yeah, I'll do that. Ground myself. Count to ten. We should talk about everything you talked about. You have every right to be upset, but just not right here right now. I've got to go do this thing, and then we can talk.

We can go back home, and we can talk together. All right, well, what's the thing you want to do do because i think you lost doing thing privileges for lying all the time so now you gotta tell me what you're gonna do i've lost doing things he goes i am taking this and he lifts the parcel to the head of the undergrowth the queen of the undergrowth because she's not very happy with us and i wanted to fix things sounds like she knows what she's not very happy with us and I wanted to fix things. It sounds like she knows what she's talking about. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. No, that's fair, but I'm just going to do it real quick and then I'll be right out. I say we follow him. Yeah. We're going to follow you. By the way,

we already met your other two dads. I just did a bunch of bad stuff and we got, we got the tape measurer and whatever the first thing we got, whatever we got, we've done it all ourselves already. When you say you got the tape measure, you can roll inside if you like. 17.

Wow. You can see his eyes brighten for a second. But we're not using it to blow up a whole world. So get that thought out of your head. His shoulders immediately slap. He's like, come on. No. They told you that? Look, we don't trust you freaking guys any farther than we can throw you or kick you.

That's for you to make it scary. So look, if you're going to go make some deal with someone, we got, we want to know what you're giving them and we want to know who they are. So we're coming with you, whether you like it or not. Fine. All right. Follow me. And whatever you do, don't mention, you know what?

Just, just don't talk. Just follow my lead. You'll be fine. I mean, realistically, we're probably going to say something. Yeah. I know. Just, just like, just be cool. Just please, just please be cool.

Please, God, be cool. Because if they wanted to, the things down here could rip the skin from your flesh and just eat it. Sure. Yeah, it is. But not when it's happening to you. So, all right. All right. Follow me. So he heads down some stairs for a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time.

Stony silence between Link and Grant that whole time. Clearly putting like my, my hand holding hand, like in a cross, but like kind of getting near him. So he knows I'm making a point of not holding his hands. Taylor talks to the group and he's like, hopefully there's an elevator on the way back up. You know what I'm saying? Like a lot of descending and going downstairs easier.

Not looking forward to the up. Yeah, man, that's true. Yeah. After an eternity of walking in this up, down, roomless stairwell yeah after an eternity of walking in this up down roomless uh stairwell after an eternity of walking down these steps you come to what looks like a heavy door made of meat it is locked made of meat meat oh you can feel a light it's not alive meat it's not pulsating or anything like that it just looks like it's made of like old sort of magically preserved you feel a light comforting heat from the

other side um grant turns to you and says i just gotta i just gotta get this open so don't freak out i'm just gonna pick the lock like is that cool that's cool it's not actually pretty cool if you can pick it up but since you're saying don't freak out it makes me think that something weird's gonna happen when you do it it's gonna was like, give us a heads up. Nothing weird is going to happen. I just like, um, you know, you blew up a whole world. Like you opening a door is not that scary. I just, I'm just saying, what are you going to do?

When we go in, keep your eyes down at first. Okay. That's all I'm saying. Just don't, you're so vague about everything. Yeah. Dads are vague.

Yeah. Dads don't want to spoil reveals. So after a minute or so, Grant picks the lock. Thank you for making it a realistic amount of time to pick a lock, by the way. Thank you.

These fucking movie shit where they jiggle a credit card and two seconds later the door pops open. Let's be sure you're credit carding a little. Real quick, I want Taylor to try

and like learn from this action. Ooh. Okay. Roll. Oh, in case we get locked in or something. Good idea.

Or perception or investigation. Any of those. I'm gonna do something. Good idea. Or perception or investigation. Any of those. I'm going to do insight. 16 plus 3, 19. Nice. You get a plus one to future lock picking. Yeah.

Because you saw a master do it. So he puts his hand on the handle and he goes, I would recommend closing your eyes. And then once it stops hurting, opening your eyes. It's going to hurt? But you're not going to trust whatever I say, I'm assuming. So you do you. Okay. Close your eyes. Okay. It's going to hurt? But you're not going to trust whatever I say, I'm assuming. No, we'll trust.

Okay, close your eyes. Okay. It's going to be really bright. Then you can open your eyes after a little bit when you acclimate, okay? All right. All right, so he opens the door. Do you close your eyes? I close my eyes in real life.

I close my eyes. I'm closing my eyes. I hope you have something physical, Anthony. We're all closing our eyes in real life. Real. I didn't want you to do that in real life. I have nothing physical for you. I can't see anything. Okay. It's nothing physical for you. I can't see anything.

It's so dark in here. So even with your eyes closed, a light, unlike any you have ever seen, except in a single premonition of the future, strikes your closed eyelids, and the warmth and brightness of it and the unfamiliarity with it almost reduces you to tears. It's a fleshlight.

As you... Beth, who's that unfamiliarity? Never mind, end it. End the episode right there. You don't get to figure out what's in there until next episode. That's the clip I get. That's the clip I get. You did what you did. No! All our days whisked away But is there something more to say?

You know that no one knows us better than ourselves Used to tell myself it'll be alright Pretty lies that we sleep at night I know that no one knows me better than myself. And I know I'll get this right. It's just a matter of time till we make it out alive. We gotta pick ourselves up and say Not today, no, not today

We live for tomorrow Make steel and borrow Break where we can't change We gotta pick ourselves up and say Not today, no, not today I don't need your sorrow Come back tomorrow I'll be on my way

I'll be on my way Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Lincoln Lee Wilson Anthony Burch is our DM Will Campos is Normal Oak Beth May is Scary Marlo And myself, Freddie Wong, is Taylor Swift Our theme song is On My Way by Maxton Waller Brian Fernandez is our content producer Thank you. So that's one of the many perks you get. You can submit things to us. Names, character names, place names that we'll sometimes use. This is a perk of being a Patreon supporter. That's right, we got Patreon.

And some of the people who support us are people like Alan Burley, Ryan Jarvis, Viun, Matt Wasson, Evan Martin, Chris Sweeney, Patricia Zabelli, Kaylin A. Mason, Amy Beliveau, Eli Broid, Jiggle Stank, Philip Gregory, KB Bird, Caitlin Hart, Mike B, Andrew Icard, Elizabeth Franson, Samuel Plaster, Quinton Barnes, and Stephen Graham. That's just some of the people who support us. Let me just direct your attention over here real quick

to our Patreon, which we've been running since like episode six of season one, which means that there has been years of bonus content, behind the scenes content, content content, accruing there in the form of after shows, bonus campaigns, live shows, et cetera. You can go to dungeonsanddads.com and click on Patreon at the top and you can like flick your mouse wheel down.

And if you have one of those mice that has a button where you can unlock the wheel so it spins freely, it's very satisfying to do that on that page because you can just gawk at how much stuff there is to experience as it scrolls by your eyes at light speed. Truly, the Patreon is the gift that keeps on giving, assuming that you actually like what we do here if you hate us the patreon probably not for you but if you enjoy this show check it out you can get on board for just five dollars a month which also gives you access to our vibrant discord

community where we do live listens you can discuss show conspiracy theories and much more that's all at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads our website is dungeonsanddaddies.com. Our Twitter is dungeonsanddads. The subreddit's over at dungeonsanddaddies. And our next episode comes out November 1st, two weeks from now, every two weeks, just in case you don't know that. Thanks so much for listening. We will see you then. Not today.

We live for tomorrow. Bake, steal, and borrow. Brave while we can't change. We gotta pick ourselves up and say, not today, no, not today. Can we know what it is? No, that's a funny clip. This is devastating. I'm so funny. My rhymes are better.

Like Roger Federer. Cut you like razors. Wearing my blazer. Don't watch the movie A Razor. Starring Altschwarzenegger. It's not as good as some of his other films like Predator. Don't watch Predator 2 that's got Danny Glover. I'm just a lover here to tell you that like no other with my brothers here in the Black Parade.

So I should be still in charge of the Black Parade. You love me so much.