Dungeons and Daddies - S2 Ep. 7 - The Gofast Club

Episode Date: April 19, 2022

The teens regroup after the dance and learn more about what is expected of them from one of their dads...This episode contains profanity, violence, and sexual content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit! DM is Anthony Burch (@anthony_burch)Lincoln Li-Wilson is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Normal Oak is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Scary Marlowe is Beth May (@heybethmay)Taylor Swift is Freddie Wong (@fwong) Theme song is "On My Way" by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingRobin Rapp is our transcriber Cover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex) Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contact The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We can wait for clean water solutions, or we can engineer access to clean water. We can acknowledge indigenous cultures, or we can learn from indigenous voices. We can demand more from the earth, or we can demand more from ourselves. At York University, we work together to create positive change for a better tomorrow. Join us at yorku.ca slash write the future. Join us at yorku. Tell us about your podcast. Thank you so much for letting me come and do this. People will want to hear you thanking us. We want to hear you so bad.

We missed you desperately. Consider this a five-person shark tank that you're pitching your podcast to. Okay, so what if I told you that every week you could listen to a podcast that dives into topics of a dark, morbid job? Yes! Yeah, yeah, yeah, but what if you're not a white woman? Yes, that is distinctly our demographic,

but there's something for everyone. I promise. It's called 30 Morbid Minutes, and it's hosted by myself. Well, now I'm in. I was about to ask, are you in the show? I am.

That'd be wild if she wasn't. I'm just here to tell you about a little podcast called Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I'd love for you to watch it. You would not believe the guests they pull for this and my beautiful tender friend jessica vasami who's a little bit superstitious she co-hosts the show with me wow tender is such a good descriptor of people she sounds wonderful she is

she very much is if you're a cannibal maybe okay which we cover in the show oh in this first season we cover the victorian obsession with death andition, death on cruise ships, which got a big pop from Beth. Yeah, you know I love death. I don't love death, but I'm very interested in death on cruise ships and how it's a no man's land. Oh, international waters? Yes, international waters. No jurisdiction. It's very creepy.

It's the perfect murder in a lot of ways. Absolutely. But the thing that you don't think about with cruise ships is, one, they have morgues on board because they need to. Of course. Oh my god, there's so much. Don't tell us now. Let the listener find it on your podcast. On 30 Morbid Minutes.

30 Morbid Minutes. I love that. So catchy. And it is 30 minutes long. Give or take. I originally pitched it as 60, but then when I started working on it, I was like, woof. Way too many minutes. I can't write that. 30 morbid minutes. Morbius in theaters now. Catch the first episode after Morbius

day after the credits. I wish it was only 30 Morbius minutes. We are getting a lot of the Morbius drift off SEO. Thankfully, but you can listen to it now on podcast platforms everywhere,

wherever you get your podcast. Wherever you get this podcast, you could also get 30 Morbid Minutes. Isn't that just the steal of a lifetime? Attention, everyone. If you're not on fire, look over here. It's me, Teeny the Teeny. I know we're scared and the cafeteria's on fire and there's probably been at least a couple casualties, but this is a dance, gosh darn it.

And just because the school and the authority figures and the teachers let us down doesn't mean we're not gonna party like we wanna party. But I can't keep us safe, and I say we dance the way we wanna dance. I think it's time to do the what? I can't hear you guys starting. I said we wanna do the what? The what? Swing your hands like you can dance. Trust your plans in the air. Give it to them, don't be meek.

Clap your hands and clap those joints. Swing your hips and keep them loose. Hang on tight and shoot your jeans! Go! Go team! Go team! Go team! Yeah!

Jump it, jump it, hump it, dump it, rip it, slip it, lick it, stick it, take it, shake it, rub it, tug it, lube it, up it. Hey, wait. Don't look at that zit over there. Just check out my moves. Team of the Teens got some sweet foot moves. Check it out. Oh, oh, oh.

Get it. Get it. Oh! Oh! Ow. Gross. Gross. I got zit juice all over my Gundam cosplay.

Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This is the story of four teens searching for their lost dads in a world forever changed after that one time their granddad's accidentally unleashed an eldritch god into our world. Boy, oh boy, what a wild ride it's been. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Taylor Swift. Taylor's rad fact, teen fact for this week. Taylor's bedroom, he has two bedrooms.

One, of course, in the house where, you know, his bed and stuff is. But he has a secondary sleeping location, which is a tent that he's pitched in the woods near his house. He's a tent kid? So he can practice his survival skills out in the wilderness. Now, to be fair, Taylor, like, sleeps in a tent maybe once every, like, two weeks maybe. Like, obviously inside is where, you know, the heat and air conditioning and his blankie is. But I got to hear more about this blankie. Yeah.

I'll save that for another time. You gotta string it up. I would say I'm very excited for Taylor's survival skills to make their migration out of the dad facts and into the story. I suspect as a ranger, which has a bunch of stuff, and I had stuff where it's like, oh, what are the environments that you are better at tracking in? And then I'm beginning to think

that there might not be a lot of like tracking. He's good at tracking down torrents of his favorite animes, I bet. I know, but that's not the desert. You could have been tracking the kid that turned out to be the musician, you know? Yeah, but that wasn't in the desert. I'm a natural explorer. That's what I got.

I got natural explorer. I respect that. Like there is a consistency and a comeback around this to Taylor's tent kidness, because I feel like a lot of people tried to stay in a tent like once when they were teenagers. And then they're like, well, I'm never doing that again. So the fact that he is like that fucking twerpy kid in Parasite. Yeah. He's like, oh, I want to sleep in the next morning. I didn't like that. It's like, oh, I want to sleep in the tent. The next morning, he's like, oh, I didn't like that. It's like, come on. Shut up, stupid kid.

That's what I got out of Parasite was this stupid kid. Can't even do the family camping trip right. Anyway. Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold. I play schooled at home soccer kid, Lincoln Lee Wilson, protective paladin. Quick little rad fact. It's not really that rad.

It's just a little fact about Lincoln. Do you believe in yourself? No, it's just totally just rad. I fact it's not really that rad it's just you know it's just a little fact about believe in yourself no it's totally just rad i think it's cool okay it's enduring i don't know anyways i thought it'd be interesting it's interesting he's very focused it's not really interesting it's just you know what here's a fact okay here's a nugget of information about lincoln which is that again in order to stay focused and keep his mind always on the goal of being a great soccer player, he needs white noise to fall asleep. And his white noise is, this has all been done by himself. So he edited it. He learned how to do sound recording. He learned how to do sound recording. So all of his white noise is just the sound of a ball going into a net and grasping. So he just hears that. He just hears that and then and it's just like feet on grass so he just hears

the sound of the field like lo-fi chill soccer beats yes what you're saying he wakes up in his alarm cleats if you will and his alarm is a his alarm is a compilation of all the announcers screaming goal of his favorite goal. Oh, wow. That would scare me. So he wakes up to goal. So yeah, that's, you know, he stays focused. That's his game.

That's why all of his dreams are very confusing. All right. Okay. Hey, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I play Norm Oak. Uh-oh. Plain Jane, garden variety, run-of-the-mill, ordinary teen.

Great. That's great. Fun fact about Norm, his favorite part of going to school, summer vacation, am I right? Three months before school comes back. There's something so haunting about this. I know. I love this. I don't like this kid.

We lost a character already. It took like 60 episodes to kill a character. We lost normal. Well, hi. kill a character we lost normal well hi i'm beth may and i play scary marlo a goth punk seeker of darkness who is not like the other warlocks fun fact about scary this week scary is the head of the students for realism in fiction initiative which is a a separate sort of book club that argues that books like Lord of the Rings or The Martian or Anne of Green Gables have happy endings incompatible with the true human experience. And that the school's curriculum should focus on books like The Road or Less Than Zero that reflect everyday tragedies of human existence.

Wow. That's wild. That's really good. What does that acronym spell? Like snurf? Suffery. Suffer. Suffer.

Suffer. Yeah. Suffer. Yeah, it's just suffer. That's great. That's really good. Pronounced suffer. It's not even spelled like suffer, though.

Yeah. Yeah. You wouldn't get it anyway. Take's not even spelled like suffer, though. Yeah. You wouldn't get it anyway. Take it up with students for realism and acronyms. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your daddy master. And I reached out to Daddy Magic Matt Menard over Twitter, trying to get him to come on the podcast and also implicitly challenging him to a match in the ring. He has not responded.

come on the podcast and also implicitly challenging him to a match in the ring he has not responded i'm wondering if i should speak to a wrestler in the language of the rest understands which is cutting a video promo of myself in tights and and calling him like the b word a lot so i think i may do that all right something to look forward to. It's on the download now. If you need any AV help. I was literally going to say, like, Freddie, I may have to like, we may have to carve out an hour

for me to come to your house with. If you need any ER help after the match, that's another thing. Oh, no, no, the match is not going to happen.

No, no, no. You can also brainstorm business decisions like not on the podcast. This is not business. Matt, Matt,

Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, This isn't business. This is not business. Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt. This isn't business.

This is personal. So when we last left you, there would have been incursion at the dance. Normal had spoken to Lark and Sparrow, who were on another plane and were communicating and kind of couldn't control what they said, but still kind of meant what they said. And Sparrow implied that he was not proud of normal and wanted normal to be more of a normal kid. You defeated Pocoroni Tony,

the monster that was created when a tentacle came out of the incursion point and made his lips really big and turned him into a kissing monster. How does he do it, ladies and gentlemen? Anthony Burch, the man of a thousand monsters. They're all just tentacles and body parts. It's one monster rotated 90 degrees every single time. It's an asset flip. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's just red orcs and blue orcs. You found out that Hermione Unworthy is a method actor.

A different type of monster. Different type of monster. The cafeteria kind of got on fire and then kind of didn't catch on fire. If you want to, we can start the next day at school. What about the post dance hanging out at Sonic's? Okay, so you're at, it's still Sonic, but it's Sonic the Hedgehog. It's like a branded, you can only get chili dogs and onion rings. What about speedy dogs?

Sure. No, no. What do you mean no? Don't stop. Speedy dogs? Beth, do you even know anything about Sonic? The hedgehog? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah? Name one thing about Sonic. That his arms are supposed to be tan. That's right. She gotcha. Lincoln's looking at the clock, and he's like, dude, it's really late, and my dad's definitely hurt. Can we go home?

Hey, hang on. Isn't that cool to go to this restaurant when you want to eat when like you brought all of us in this car we are still covered in white pus from that zit exploding and i don't know if they will let i get four orders of onion rings three chili dogs and a medium sprite and a fast dog and a fast dog sure i'm not hungry but marco's probably hungry he works late so i'll get three speedy dogs is that what it is yeah scary cool i'll take the speedy dogs uh i'll have what's like a normal thing to get i'll have the exact average middle of what you three ordered okay so a couple minutes later a waiter who's dressed like sonic along with a large prosthetic erection comes out on a

roller skate oh sorry your characters would know. So when the world turned red, everything was lost from Sonic except for fan art of Sonic. So gotta go fast, horny Sonic comes out, balancing all of your drinks and all of his food on its prosthetic dick. We all give him our fake IDs because he has to be over eight because he has to be over 21 to eat at Sonic's now. go ahead and roll deception i got an 11 i also got an 11 i got a seven i got 11 what we go to 7-11 we go to 11-7 the crazy flip version of 7-11 so this so this waiter looks at you with anger and he puts his hands on his hips as he talks his boner shakes. How dare you try to sully the good name of Sonic by bringing yourself. Buddy, we're not here for all the erotic art in there.

We just want some hot dogs and boners. Beady Dog is an inherently erotic experience. I didn't know that. When you're old enough, you will. And then you won't go to anywhere else. That's why there's such a line to get in here. We waited three hours to get in here, man. Yeah, and it would have been worth every second

if you had actually been 18. This is why you don't... Don't fuck with Sonic. I'm gonna go... Oh, I'm so angry, I just might yiff. That word changes in the future. You get kicked out. And as I get kicked out,

I throw my onion rings everywhere. Like, whoa! And the sound, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, it makes that sound. He goes, aw, that's good. Come back when you're 18. That guy's cool. Of all those kids, that's the cool one. Taylor's like, has his hand out, being supported by

like, Lincoln North. He's like, if I get hit one more time, guys. It's okay, I got you. I gather up a bunch of onion rings from the ground and feed them to you. No, he goes, no, you're not allowed to. You're not 18 yet. You know what? These are outside, man. They're on the ground. The ground's not guarded by your rules. No, you're not allowed to. You're not 18 yet. You know what? These are outside, man. They're on the ground. The ground's not gate guarded by your rules.

No, yes, it is. We have an outside, like the parking lot. If you've ever been to a Sonic, it's the parking lot is part of the restaurant. No, he's right. We're on their property. We should go. But wait, before we get-

Okay, so really quick. This is why I brought you all here. Norm, your uncles and dad, they said something about your guys's other dads are like at the school or something he said something about drama club yeah man they're just at our school like hidden from view we had three hours in line to talk about this well yeah but we were trying to figure out our order before that we all know so much about anime now we all sat here for three hours i had to sum up

one piece for you up until now. Yeah, well, I mean, Which is still going. It's still going. I figure we can scope around the school tomorrow and maybe check that stuff out.

Do we know anyone who takes drama? Do any of you guys take drama? I mean, scary? I think I might know someone who takes drama. Somewhere 30 miles away, you hear, oh.

Oh, no, how? What if it's not Hermes? It's some guy named Josh. The next day at school, first things first, is anyone wearing the teeny costume? Oh, yeah. Oh, I definitely would have given it back to you. When you arrive at school, your badges vibrate, and you get

a message on them that just says bathroom. Okay. So May Hales is calling you to the meeting space. So I assume you guys are at the bathroom. When Norm enters the bathroom, here's what you see. You see a boy not wearing the mascot outfit, but with a classic split down the middle, middle school hair part situation, the pork pie hat on top.

Oh no. My man. He's got black lipstick on. That's actually really cool. A band t-shirt, but it's like an old Jimmy Buffett shirt that his dad probably had. And he's kind of like drawn all over it in black Sharpie to turn it black. Wait, your parents who are like today's Zoomers had Jimmy Buffett shirts? He comes back.

He gets really big on weird Twitter. Listen, Rick Astley was nowhere. Was nowhere, okay? Okay, okay. So he's got like a Jimmy Buffett shirt that he's like gothed up with Sharpie and like he's like cut some holes in it and it's sort of like a crop top, tank top thing

with a bunch of safety pins and then he's wearing soccer pants and Argyle socks hiked up like around his knees like soccer socks and then he's wearing like sneakers. Hey buddy hey we're taking a poop in here this is a wait is that you? Hey everybody what's up? Norm you're looking like

five ninths of a cool guy. That's exactly what I was going for yeah loving the hat man not quite sure if it matches with everything else. Well yeah you know I figured it's like you know if my dad wants me to be like a normal kid like you all seem pretty normal so i just figured i'd average the three you out and didn't see how it goes you just say to me uh-oh i mean yeah you know like but i mean like not normal like you know but like i could like

a typical teenager okay i thought that we were friends, Norm. Oh my God. Take a D8 of psychic damage. Scary. I got an eight. You got an eight? That hurt a lot. That hurt a lot, dude.

Hurt a lot. Typical. Whatever. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to do like a normal. I'm just trying to like not be. Just like a normal teen, Norm. You completely don't understand me.

Oh, man. Okay. I feel not great about that, but good, I guess. Anyway, let's just, you know, we don't need to make any bigger deal than what it is. I just, you know, I'm changing my personality. Are you happy with what you're doing right now? I mean, you know, I'm feeling normal. I'm feeling average about it.

I'd like to perception check to see if his pork pie hat is better, more expensive, cooler, et cetera, than mine. Go ahead. That's a nine perception check. Okay. I can describe it. Give him a not very specific description because it was a nine perception check. It looks like for a nine, it's not as good as yours.

You have not realized the secret of this hat yet, but it is not as good as yours. Taylor takes off his pork pie hat, wipes the sweat off his brow, goes, whew, and puts it back down. So from one of the stalls, you hear Mayhale's voice going, can I come out now? Can I talk? Oh! Or should we go to our base or do you want to talk in the bathroom? I mean, we can go to the base if you want to, sure. People do not listen to the

signs, so it's stinky in here. Okay, great. Sure, let's go to base. You all sit on the big old toilet simultaneously, I decided. And you get zoomed through the base and you head to the vending machine. And she goes, oh, you successfully stopped the incursion. You pop the incursion hole. So congratulations.

Here's a 25 daddy warbucks. Wow. If you wanted to spend them on vending machine stuff, you were more than welcome to do so. Yeah. Sure. Did you hear the whole like that Lark and Sparrow were there? Yeah, we saw lark and oh yeah yeah i did hear that yeah that's fucked up yeah that's uh they were like mind in there yeah

so i had a question about that they were like like under mind control right like that wasn't like you know oh they might have been uh did they look like they had like a big tentacle coming out of their head that was like sort of like a marionette like a puppeteering thing Head yeah, no, I don't think they were under mind control based on what you're saying They were probably just out of sorts and probably just said a bunch of things that they really believe deep down It's probably what I would okay. All right that okay, uh Okay, I can I can I can Yeah, can I whisper to hail go for it i say hey miss hail his dad said some like really not cool stuff so i could probably just be like for the morale of the team it'd be nice if you just like maybe you know you get what i'm saying do you want to roll

stealth to see if you can keep that from norm oh 17 okay okay i got a 15 okay she hears you and she goes oh oh oh i see okay sorry um yeah they're probably just lying i think your dads might be liars yeah i totally get what you're going through norm like one time my mom told me to do the dishes or i couldn't watch my goth santa claus marathon i love goth santa claus so much i know yeah I love goth Santa Claus so much. I know. Yeah, it's the best. He spreads so much sadness to the children every year.

Yeah. And all the coal. I think coal is so cool anyways, but I just didn't want to do the dishes because that felt stupid and then I couldn't watch it. Yeah. Or you know there's like hostages,

like, you know, there's traps somewhere. Sometimes they got to say things like that. Yeah know they don't mean they may be communicating to you with their eye blinks and morse code there was a guy oh okay i i think i know what's going on here you guys are trying to make me feel better and i appreciate it but you know i'm really okay i like that my dad and i have the kind of open relationship where we can tell each other stuff. Like, I'm not proud of you. And like, you know, so he's honest and I can accept that.

And, you know, that's constructive criticism. So I'm going to work with it. And that's what this is about. That's what this whole thing is about. So, you know, we're going to see how it goes. If anybody would like to roll insight to see if he's really as okay with this as he seems to think he is, feel free.

Can I just guess that he isn't? That check, we just have to beat a one. Look, anyway, let's focus on them. The whole point is to get our dads back. So we don't have to do this anymore. So let's just let's drill down. Oh, God, I almost forgot. Normal.

I was down in the dungeon this morning and I was looking at the door, the Omegara fault door with all of your outlines in it. Yours is glowing now. What? Oh, OK. Yours is glowing now. What? Oh, okay. Like, I think. Does that mean my dad's proud of me? I don't know.

I just mean, it means that whatever you're doing, I think you could keep doing. And maybe if all of you can do that, then you can get through that door. So like you're one fourth of the way there. It's like some like narrative momentum's happening. So you're telling me I have to get a hat like that? I would never say that to you. She puts her hand on your shoulder. She said, I would never say that to you. She puts her hand on your shoulder. She said, I would never say that to you.

Well, thank you. Link realizing, kind of piecing together, remembering the door, he kind of starts getting sweaty and fidgety, and he's looking around. He's like, we got enough for two keys. I don't want to step in front of the line or anything, but if I could, at least, could we use 10 of those for me, seeing if I could know where my dad is? Because, yeah, we heard that their dads like maybe hidden in the school or something,

kind of like Lark and Sparrow were. Yeah, it was like we used one of the keys and then, you know, voila, my dad showed up. Maybe we can find the other dads by opening more of this door, right? Yeah, I mean, I hope mine stays hidden. Am I right? Why would you want that?

I thought that we were all like, never mind. Could you guys heal me really quick? Oh, yeah, here. I do lay on hands for a five HP. Five HP? Come on, I'm really suffering. I gave you five back, so you only have three HP done. Yeah, it only did three damage effectively.

Hey, guys, what's one HP of damage in real life? No, we're not doing that. Okay. Okay, so do you want to buy one of the keys for the obsidian door or two? There are three locks remaining. How many do you want? We have 25. You have 25.

I think we got to do two. To remind you, a violent item that'll help you is five daddy warbucks. A tactical item is three. And a quote unquote worthless item that could be really useful in the right circumstances is two. My vote is one big key and three like fives. I think we just do two keys. I think we do two keys. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Okay. So it eats 20 of your daddy warbucks and spits out two jeweled keys that look distinct and different from the ones that you saw before. Where is it? I grabbed one too quickly. Do you have the physical key? I do, but I don't. I want to see it.

I grabbed it. I grabbed it. Like, Link grabbed the first one, like, before it even hits the bottom of the vending machine. You don't even hear the clink. He's just like, boom. Whoa. Like a necklace key. Dude, that's like a Warhammer-esque.

That's cool. Steampunk key. Yeah, that's one of them. I bet I can fit it around my head. I want to describe this key because it's very cool, Anthony. It's an old-fashioned metal key, but it's got a purple rose in the middle and then a purple chain wrapping around the key, and it's got two other flourishes,

which is one is some sort of elaborate ivy leaf, and then also a dragonfly made of silver. Wow. That's a lot of effort. With a mirror in the middle. Wait, let me see that. Whoa. Jesus Christ.

Cool key. And then the second key that comes out is this key. Wow. What? It's like red with Santa on it? Gosh, Santa? And it says believe St. Believe in St. Nicholas is what it says.

Is that gosh, Santa? Well, who wants this other key? Norm, you want to take it out? Norm has it. That's fine. I don't need it. So Norm took the other key. Now you have five Daddy Warbucks remaining.

What would you like to buy? You could get a tactical and a worthless. You could get a hardware. You could get two worthless. I really want to open the door. Here's how I feel. I'm getting a key. I'm going to get more powerful. You're getting a key. You're going to get more powerful. I think, Taylor, you should use the five Daddy Warbucks and buy yourself something nice.

Give me two worthless items. Okay. I'm going to hand you the deck and you're just going to grab the last key. You're going to grab two random as usual nobody's thinking about me wait scary could get one you have the worthless item that I don't want hey guys like we're a team here we should all get something

I get it I'm used to it on your way down to the obsidian door you pass a couple of doors that you can use those worthless item keys on and you open them up and you find... Holy shit. Okay, so these two items. The machine.

An ATM-sized machine with a single red button that when pressed will cause thousands of portals to open up from which thousands of assassins from every conceivable time period will blast the button presser into oblivion. But it's an ATM machine. Yes. It is not easy to move around.

Got it. Okay. That's a break roll of 17-inch whiz. Can you make it appear wherever? I think it's a dragon. No, it's like an ATM-sized thing. So you would have to find a way to get it somewhere. You opened one of the worthless doors

and you saw this machine inside with a bunch of corpses next to it. Can we put it back and return that and then get a cool 5-1 instead if you don't like it. No. These were my... You! You don't get to second guess what I chose for my tactical

readiness. And then the second item, the puberty. Anyone who stands under this plastic tree for at least 60 seconds will go through puberty. And we all know what the puberty voice is for Taylor. If they've already gone through puberty, they will go through another more violent puberty.

So that one is, you could presumably pick it up and move it around places, but you have to be careful that wherever you move it, it takes less than 60 seconds because otherwise you'll go through puberty. Or you turn it like sideways and hold it sideways. They're not underneath it. How about a ladder? like holding a ladder. Oh, sure.

But I was just imagining like if the rays are coming down from the leaves, then it's just like, it's still hitting your midsection. It's like anything beneath the canopy of leaves. You're telling me that I can go through puberty on like a part by part basis? Yeah, just your feet or just your midsection go through puberty.

So it's a tree standing in the middle of the room and underneath it is just like, it's a grass, it it just a bunch of hair? What if it's just a bunch of pubes underneath the tree? It's pubes. The grass. So you're saying

it's like a high puberbolic time chamber is what you're saying. Oh, wow. Will, on point today, my man. Wow, wow, wow, wow. So should we just

like leave those here? We're not going to carry them around the school, are we? We're going to keep these here handy. May says that like, hey, whenever you want to,

at least the puber, I don't, I mean, I'd have to figure out a way to move the machine, but pubertry i can always send you through the travel back to the school if you ever need it you can also just put that tree in like a random part of the school yeah if you want to it's good to have these items in case we need them i think for now it's maybe not monkey around with them yes i agree well we may use these later cool i just feel like

next time as a team i guess since we're trying to save our dads maybe let's use the money on a useful item next time that's all i don't mean to be grumpy i'm just saying like maybe next time we do that are you fucking questioning no i'm not questioning i'm just asking as a group if we can just you know kind of focus on you you're the one who said that i get to choose what i buy with my hard earned cash we don't need to worry about that i say that. Now, as you walk down to the obsidian door, which again is like halfway down this sort of like corkscrew spiral down to the bottom, you can see as you look down all the way to the bottom

that what Mayhale said was true. There's a little purple glow coming from what was Norm's section of that door. Norm, didn't your dad tell us to enact code purple? I think that was my uncle lark and he said something about an amplifier like needing an amplifier to get code purple to work but it also seemed like that was something you wanted to do if we like weren't gonna save our dads and it feels like we don't want to serve our dads right like it sounds like something we need anyway

especially when i form my killer rock band oh okay yeah i can search for something yeah we don't really know what it's amplifying yet but just like maybe start just doing some research on amplifiers in general and maybe like we just know that whatever code purple is we're gonna have to amplify it okay yeah i can look around for that sure okay so ling wants to look he wants to see if there's any like signifying marks around the keyholes to try to get a sense of which keyhole sure great for grant role investigation i'm assuming that this keyhole like you using the keyhole had larkin sparrow appear or like it's made this glowing after we met larkin sparrow like obviously this is connected somehow so i just want to see if there's any way to tell if these keyholes are connected to a

specific dad because i want to try to use it on obviously on like grant's keyhole okay go ahead and give me an investigation rule i got a natural one natural one that's three locks there's three locks three locks no i got i guess a one three chance okay well i'll just uh i'll do well how are they arranged left to right at the same level chest height okay and scary did the scary did the first one the leftmost one so we'll just go from front to back so i go to the back one you go to the farthest right the leftmost one. So we'll just go from front to back. So I go to the back one. You go to the back. The farthest right one. Farthest right one.

And I'll enter the key. I'll enter the key. Help. The key will enter the door as provided by the action of my hand moving it towards the door. Your key enters the door. I thought your key was going to enter the lock. The lock. Which is part of the door.

Okay. Visual storytelling. So you put the key in and it turns two things happen immediately firstly you hear in your head a voice that you link lee wilson don't recognize but that all of us recognize as a young terry jr saying Terry Sr., I invite you in. And in that moment, Scary gets another level up. What?

What? Wait, what? What? Scary levels up again. What level are you at now? I'm at level four. This is outrageous. Did we level up after the last fight?

Are we level three or are we still level two? You're still level two. God damn. We need another fight. We have 25 more. Now I know how all you guys felt when I was rolling through the levels. But it's like crazier

because you were like, one level is just double. So, yeah, I just heard. You heard something? Yeah, I just heard. I mean, I didn't really recognize the voice. It was kind of disappointing. It didn't sound like my dad.

It sounded like a kid and just like said, Terry Senior, I'll let you in. Wait, Terry Senior? Yeah, so it must be, it was probably your dad's scary or something. Are you sure? Who did you hear?

Stepdad. Sorry, your stepdad. What was scary or something. Are you sure? Who did you hear? Stepdad. Stepdad, sorry, your stepdad. What was your stepdad's dad's name? Who cares? Well, I mean, I mean, I mean, I do. It's kind of important. It's kind of important. No, well, no, it's important to figure out what's going on with our dad.

So what was his name? So, like, my stepdad, his name is Terry Jr., which which he still goes by which is pretty dumb if you ask me like oh a little baby no i'm your stepdad obey me uh you've like whatever so apparently his dad was named terry too so you heard a kid say i invite you in terry senior yeah okay that must really suck for you scare i'm sorry like having the same name as your step down when i must be complicated i'm sorry it's thank you ling yeah it's okay i just imagined that would suck i get that yeah so anyways i guess i heard your stepdad or step granddad or step i don't want to say the wrong thing but i think we heard him and he said i'll i invite you in so interesting right also you look like really powerful. Thanks, I'm feeling powerful.

Choosing packed booms and ability score improvement at the fourth level. The glee in Beth's voice. All right, well, I guess let's see if we hear anything else when I use this Santa Claus key and I put the key in the door. Okay, and you hear what to you, Normal Oak, or Norm Oak, is an unfamiliar voice, but to everyone I'm talking to right now,

what it recognizes is the voice of a young Nicholas Foster going, I'm ready, ready for the big ride, baby. So I just realized it's Santa Claus, and it says believe in St. Nicholas on the back of the key. So I think, Matt, and it says, Believe in Saint Nicholas on the back of the key. So I think... Matt, what does your key look like? Oh, it's got like a rose and a dragon and... I couldn't find perfectly themed keys for everything.

Dragonfly. The Saint Nicholas key was by far the best themed key. Fair enough. What were you going for for this one, Jared? Also, Scary levels up again. What? She's level five? We're level five?

Yeah. Yes. Oh, we should have had Scary step away from the door before we opened it i don't know that that would do anything so only only one lock remains you don't have enough daddy warbucks for it so something to think about later i guess okay well i heard a kid singing a song about a big ride so i don't know what that's about but uh maybe it's a disneyland thing sound like this sound like my dad i don't know what did's about, but maybe it's a Disneyland thing. They sound like they sound like my dad. What did your dad sound like when he sound like he sound like, OK, my dad. My dad.

I love you, my son. You're so beautiful, my boy. Good morning. Let's have breakfast together like that. You sound like that. Not exactly winning. America's Got Talent. He's a good singer.

I don't think it was him. He sings me awake every morning. It sounded way cooler than that. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, he sounds cool when he does it. My mornings are, it's cool. And then my dad opens the door. He sings good morning.

Well, okay. Okay. All right. So, Megan's like, okay, well, that's all of your stuff. I guess you have the one, you know, Daddy Warbuck left. If you want to hold on to it or you can, whatever. Sure, sure, sure. While they do that, I just want to like, do we ever see where their desks are?

Yeah, their desks are all the way back up in like the office space where she first came here. Cool, cool, go ask the whale. I need to use the bathroom upstairs real quick. Okay, you want everybody else to go talk to the whale? Because I want to go get that Glock out of the fucking desk, dude. Sure. Are you going to stealth away from your team? You're going to have to convince us to.

I just told everyone that I need to go to the bathroom. Yeah. I need to poop real bad. Okay, well, I guess I, I mean, normal's ready to go back to school, I guess. Okay, yeah. Does anybody have any, do they feel like your characters

have any reason to be suspicious of Taylor saying that he wants to go to the bathroom? Okay, in that case, then you're going to have to roll deception, Taylor, and you're going to have to roll insight. 12 deception. You fuck. Nine.

Yeah, he just has to go to the bathroom as far as you're concerned. We'll have fun up there. Well, we're going back to a bathroom. So do you want to just go to the gross bathroom?

Forget it. The bathroom here is one of those ones that has a lock on the door. I mean, like, you know, how fucking hard that is to find in public. Okay.

Back up for a second. You don't feel palpable satisfaction every time you go into the public and there's a bathroom with a lock on the door? They all have locks on the door. hard that is to find in public okay back up for a second you don't feel palpable satisfaction every time you go into the public and there's a bathroom with a lock on the door i've locked no no i'm talking about like single use just you in there your fucking throne your fucking space no i see what you mean no because i always forget to lock them and then somebody just comes in and sees me in my most vulnerable place what that's your problem i'm not forgetting i'm not blaming anybody else for it.

That's a me problem, but I also suffered the consequences. This was at Rocket Jump when it happened. It might have been with somebody in this room who's being very polite and not mentioning it. Was it me? I don't know. It might have been me, and I don't remember. Great.

Was it me? It's a victimless crime. May says, oh yeah, I'll show you to the bathroom. And she walks up the stairs and she goes, there it is right i'm just gonna be in the office so she goes into the office and you hear the typing in on a keyboard she's in the office where their desks are yes i'm gonna come out and be like yo this something's fucked up the thing's all clogged up oh okay that's that's that's too bad okay you need to fix this oh convince i want toince. I want to roll a persuasion. I want to roll like a persuasion to be like, hey, this bathroom's all bad. This is your job.

Can I get a bonus because it is her job? It actually is. You're also her boss. So you can't just be like, I'm getting this gun. Yeah. I mean, you're her boss. You can roll with advantage. All right.

So I rolled two 11s again. You need to use a different program. I'm just using D&D Beyond, bro. Yeah. Don't use D&D Beyond anymore. That's insane. So she goes like, do you just not want me to be in this room?

Yes, you need to get out of this room and fix the bathroom. Okay, you're the boss, she said. Yes, I am. Okay. Then in the back of her mind, she's like, but my other three bosses

told me to do research on this. She goes, take a smoke break or whatever other three bosses told me to do research. She goes, I'm just... Take a smoke break or whatever the hell it is adults do. Okay. I'll give you 30 seconds in here then, I guess. But I do have to go back to my work that your three other friends told me to do. Yes. Okay.

And so she leaves the room and just stands outside the door. I'm going to fucking get that Glock out of the desk, dude. Okay. You find a loaded Glock underneath Lark's desk. I do a press check. It works. It's a working Glock. Not what a press check does, but all right. This is Taylor we're talking about, you know. Sure.

It's got a normal size mag, which means it has a number of bullets in it. 17. 15 round. You have a 15 round magazine, but it's been fired a couple times before. Which you can tell by smelling the barrel. So you only have eight rounds in this Glock. Hmm.

Interesting. A clue. This will come in handy later. I'm going to call an Uber. I'm going to do this thing that my friend has done, which is, hold on. Are you legally sure you want to say this? Whatever's coming next. Okay.

Because my friend, his dog had like a photo shoot booked. So he was like, I need to get this dog across town, but I need to be somewhere else as well so he basically just called an uber and was like i need you like as a delivery driver for his dog kennels he just put the dog kennel in you know the uber and then the uber went over there you're gonna put it this is this gun well i'm gonna put it in like a box or like a bag or something i'm like hey i need that postmates is back to my house all right sure an uber driver comes up and takes your hey hey hey hey do this or you won't get five stars. You should roll to see if this guy opens the box. Your mom's rich, Taylor.

I know you can afford a tip. Yeah, now that you've said that, this guy is going to take the box and he's going to put it into the driver's seat and I'm going to roll to see if he fucking opens it or not. Can I intimidate him out of that? No, he did it after you left. You offended him. Actually, you can try to roll intimidation now to see if you can intimidate him out of that? No, he's still in the car. He did it after you left. Okay. You offended him.

Actually, you can try to roll intimidation now to see if you can intimidate him with a five-star thing into actually following your instructions. Natural 20, motherfucker. Nice. You got a natural 20? Yeah, bro. It gets home when there's two guns in there.

It's more interesting. Yeah, I'm just going to send it home. Okay. Further study. So it is, yeah, the Glock is now at your home with a bag of cookies and a please rate me five stars i'm reliant entirely on your generosity capitalism got worse not better in the intervening 30 years he puts it on top of like seven other amazon or shipments from all over the world and

your mom's like another gundam piece and then piles it into your room or just you do nothing but have packages yeah exactly You go back to school and you hear an announcement over the loudspeakers, which is the voice of Tony Pepperoni saying, Okay, yes, I know you may have heard

about a lot of crazy things that went down at the dance last night. Wait, is he alive? You only cut off my lips. Wait, sorry. I left the transmit on. I heard what you said.

I'm turning that off now. Okay, I can't hear anything you say starting now. I'm not spying on you all the time. I promise. Yeah, no, I'm still live. Don't have any lips, but basically a lot of people got really scared. You may notice that some of the kids got taken out of school because their parents got like all worried. Some of the teachers have shifted around. We may have had a couple of teachers quit. And so I think it'd be the best thing if we just kind of did a clean, kind of a fresh start for San Dimas so i i think it'd be the best thing if we just kind of did a

clean but kind of a fresh start for uh for san diemos high school which uh it leads me to believe actually that i should change the name of san diemos high school and the thing that sort of gave everybody a lot of comfort and made everybody really happy at the dance before and after everything went crazy was that teeny the teen that mascot that we all sort of ironically voted for initially but like but like everybody everybody loves loves teeny the teen round of applause. You hear every classroom around you. Yeah. And he goes, and so for that reason, we are renaming ourselves to teen high school. Yeah. I can't hear you clapping because I'm in my office, but yeah. What about something like that really invokes like the spirit of the school, like Dark Hearts High School?

No, it's teen. You said you were listening to us. You're a liar. Oh, shit. I forgot to turn it back on again. That's all. I could definitely not hear you ever unless I press the button. I promise.

It's not. I'm not. How you doing? How's Norm reacting to everyone? So Norm takes this news and he's kind of just sort of just drawing squares on a piece of paper. And then his pencil breaks at hearing the name Teen High. And he's like, OK, all right. OK, that's yeah.

Well, yeah, OK. And then he kind of just crumples up the piece of paper and stuffs it in his backpack and zips his backpack shut. Hey, but those people are probably going to be really pumped to see you in the outfit again. I don't do that anymore. Oh. Wait, where's the outfit? I don't know.

Wherever. Wherever we put mascot outfits is not my problem. I'm a normal teen now. Damn. The bell has rung. You are a little bit

all late for government class, which is usually run by Dr. Lovell, but he quit. So if you want to go to government class, you're more than welcome to. I think we have to. Lovell, but he quit. So if you want to go to government class, you're more than welcome to. I think we have to.

I mean, yeah, it sounds like a bunch of squares, but yeah, sure. So you head into government class, and normal, you see, it is being taught by Mrs. Swallows-Oak-Garcia, your mother. Mom? Oh, hey, hey, tardiness is no good. Love you, sorry, I can't,

I don't want to do favoritism, but yes, this is my son, Normal Oak. You may have seen him in the- It's Norm, Mom. It's Norm now. You're right, I didn't respect your new name. This is Norm Oak. He is, or was, Teenie the Teen.

So everybody, big round of applause for Teenie the Teen. You feel a classroom full of your peers applauding you. How does that make you feel? And there's one kid who does a standing ovation. Yeah, and he tries to make it start and nobody else will stand. It's the very complicated feelings for Norm. It's like this joy,

because this is everything he's ever wanted. But I'm like, no, no, no, no, nevermind. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yes, but if you would all take a seat, we'll go ahead and get into the three branches of government. That's a really good sign. Your mom begins to teach the class.

Link, will you roll perception for me? I'm sorry, Link's not paying attention. Link is actually studying soccer plays, so. Okay, then roll perception with disadvantage. Fair enough, that's on me. I got a five. Okay, if anybody else would like to roll perception, feel free.

I got a 17. I'm doodling my anime, so no, and I got a three. I got a 16. Okay'm doodling my anime, so no. I got a 3. I got a 16. Okay, so I guess scary. You just see like an adult outside the window like beating on the glass, but it's not making any noise. His hand's kind of going through the glass and he's

like waving his arms in the air and he's pointing at Link and he's just trying to get some attention. Yo, Link, there's some ghost boy out there who wants you. What? Please don't talk while I'm talking about the Supreme Court. Yeah, guys, there's some ghost boy out there who wants you. What? Hey, please don't talk while I'm talking about the Supreme Court. Yeah, guys, my mom's talking.

It's a good, cool system. I cast charm person on. Okay, what does that do? You attempt to charm a humanoid you can see within range. It must make a wisdom saving throw and does so with advantage. If it fails the saving throw, it is charmed by you until the spell ends or until your companions do anything harmful to it. The charmed creature regards you as a friendly acquaintance.

Mrs. Swallows-Oak-Garcia rolled a two. So she goes, hey, scary. Yeah, I'm allowed to talk in class, right? Yeah. No, we're friends. We go back. Yeah. We do. Anyway. I mean, we were acquaintances. We don't know each other that well. But like, yeah. Okay. I'm so sorry talk in class, right? Yeah. No, we're friends. We go back. Yeah. We do.

Anyway. I mean, we were acquaintances. We don't know each other that well, but like, yeah. Okay. I'm so sorry. Go ahead and say whatever you were saying. Go ahead and finish your conversation. Please do.

Like, Link, there's some ghost boy out there who wants you. Where? What are you talking about? Look. And then I look. It's Grant. It's Grant? It's your dad.

Link, Link, Link sprints at the window. Roll acrobatics to make sure you don't smash into it. Well, I mean, that might be what he's trying to do. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, if you want to smash into it, you roll a 21. 18 plus 3. Okay, so you get to decide whether that meant you stopped or not. Like a lot of school windows, it's got the big pane of glass,

but then it's got that secondary above one that's slightly open. He, like Jackie Chan, slips through, runs the corner of the wall up the flagpole. And then slides down and, like, lands. He goes, like, onto Grant, like, ready for, like, a fucking, like, air dive hug. Great. You dive onto Grant, arms open, and he looks up at you, arms open, and you go straight through him just like Norm did with Larkin Sparrow.

Is he still there, though? But he's still there. And he still, he goes, oh, oh, oh. Link, I'm so happy. You're a ghost, too? I'm not a ghost. I'm not a ghost. I'm not a ghost. Oh, so you're not dead.

No, I'm not. I don't think, I might be. There's like a chance I might be, but I'm pretty sure I'm not. And even if I am, that means that this is just my memory of you and this isn't real. So it doesn't, I'll just pretend that this is all real and that I'm alive. Let's go with that. Okay. Okay.

How are you feeling? How are you doing? I'm happy you're here. I'm scared though. That's great. We're trying to find, we're trying to find all you. I mean, I'm with, I'm with,, okay? Okay. How are you feeling? How are you doing? I'm happy you're here. I'm scared, though. That's great. We're trying to find you. I mean, I'm with, you know, Normal. He's Norm now, but, you know, I know I wasn't supposed to hang out with, like, you know,

all the crew, but, like, we're trying to find you guys, and, like, you lied to me. I'm a little angry about it, but we don't need to talk about that. But, like, you did stuff. When did I lie? You were not, I mean, I guess you probably still are a librarian, but, like, you do, like, spy stuff or shit. Oh, yes. I have killed so many people and demons. you're not, I mean, I guess you probably still are a librarian, but like you do like, like spy stuff or shit. Like, I'm sorry. I have killed so many people and demons.

And I, here's the thing. I love it. I love it. So much the killing. It's like, I don't know. Maybe you get this with soccer.

I feel like maybe you do. That's kind of why I'm worried about you. But when you're in the moment and everything's really stressful, all the anxieties of everyday life and all the worries you have and the fears slash knowledge that you're a piece of shit who doesn't deserve to be happy, all that just kind of goes away when you're fighting and killing, and it all just goes white.

And everything's so simple simple and it's so nice and so it's really important to me you got to do this big favor for daddy i probably shouldn't tell you this but i don't want you to ever be anything like me at all okay i'm a bad and broken and wrong and villain person and it's important to me that you, I can't pass that on to you, okay? You can't be anything like me. So you got to promise, don't ever kill anybody, ever. Don't see bad things. I'm broken and you can't. And tears were streaming down his face.

Like, don't be broken like daddy. Sometimes I see how anxious you are and how worried you are. And I think you might be just like, we're not even blood related, but I just, I can see it happening. So do me a big favor and don't ever be like me and maybe don't love me as much as you do. No, that's bad. Hey, Scout, that's bad. Dad doesn't deserve that. Also, oh, the other important thing, there's a code purple thing. Okay. So there's a specific door in the dungeon. So the door is just this weird burgundy colors, like an off burgundy color. You'll know when you see it. Basically there's like, they look like little rivets on

the side of the door, but one of them is actually a button. The third rivet down is a button. You need to press that button and then something inside will help you with code purple and it's also uh kind of messed up i remember that but that's oh and yeah there's probably going to be an incursion somewhere around your government where i am that's oh that's it i'm in danger because there's an incursion point here and i might get killed, but I wanted to stay here to see you for what's probably going to be the last time.

And I'm kind of psyched that I might die. Cause then that means I can't poison you with who I am. So that's great. Big high five, buddy. And he goes for a high five. Okay. You go for a hug and you move through him and his high foot moves to you.

And he goes, Oh, that's darn daddy. And I need you. You need to come back. Well,, oh, that's darn. Daddy, and I need you. You need to come back. Well, I'm going to save you. No, don't save me. I think just do Code Purple.

I think Code Purple is better. I don't want you to come save me. I think this is, I'm realizing this is the ideal situation for me. I die. You get to live with Marco, who's way better. And hey, man. Hey, we did it, baby. High five again.

Aw, dang. Okay. What are good last words? There's not going to be a last word. So just say whatever you want, Dad, because I'm going to get you. Then you know what? No, I was going to say victory royale, but that doesn't make any sense. I don't know what that is.

Instead, I'll just say what I say to start every day and what I think at the end of every day that you are still happy. And that is, goal! And he fades away. Hey, Link. What the fuck? Dang, dude. Are you okay, man?

I just turn around, I guess. I'm just like outside the classroom. Yeah, you're outside the classroom. Everybody watched him. Normal's like peeking his face up over the little window. He's like, Link, you okay, man man i mean no i'm my it's more my dad doesn't seem okay um i mean i'm not okay obviously that was horrible well i was gonna say my dad doesn't want me to be like me your dad doesn't want you to be like him do you want to trade do you want to be like me

and i'll be like you i'm reading the room room wrong. You're processing a lot. No, yeah. Hey, are you okay, buddy? We can talk about it. Do you want to just, we should go get some Sonics. Not Sonics. We should go just, we want to go hang out. Yeah, we should all ditch. Hey, Mrs., what's your name again? Swallowish-Oak-Garcia.

Yeah, we're going to leave and that's chill. Oh, you're so neat. You're taking the initiative. You know, that's actually something that our founding fathers were very much all about is taking the initiative. Okay, we're so neat. You're taking the initiative. You know, that's actually something that our founding fathers were very much all about is taking the initiative. Okay, we're outside now. In a lot of problematic ways. I'm sort of a centrist.

She's beginning to argue the both sides of America as you exit the classroom. As scary as can be, I think Link gets into, he puts on his game face, and he goes, guys, look, they said there's an incursion in this classroom, though. So so like, I don't know. Team scary.

You're out here. Taylor, where are you, buddy? We need to talk. The yellow bracelets, whatever. We'll come up with a cool team name. But like, we got to we got to do something. Team huddle. Team huddle.

All right. We're here. What do you need, bud? Do you guys hear? But it sounds like my dad, Grant, you Grant, he said that the next incursion, or there's an incursion here in government class. In this government class? Yeah, in this government class.

We should brace for that to happen, right? Do we just, I gotta, we should get ready to- Yeah, is there a timer? I don't know. I sort of catched about for supernatural shenanigans going on. Yes, give me an arcana roll. Okay. I got a three.

Taylor's arcana. I will as well. I got a natural one. Six. I got 19. Yes. Give me an arcana roll. Okay. I got us three. Taylor's arcana. I will as well. I got a natural one. Six. I got 19. Whoa. Thank you. I didn't know how I was going to get this information to you otherwise.

Okay. So with a 19 arcana roll, you having seen an incursion point, having seen them as these big old zits, you can tell that there is one in that classroom right at the front of the class where normal's mom is currently teaching and that it's very, very young in its maturation. Like if it's a zit, then it's barely a bump under the surface right now. Like over time, this thing is going to build. Something is going to happen. And more than that, emboldened by the presence of your dad and the love that you feel for him, you get a feeling that a very important authority figure is going to be related to that thing rupturing.

In the classroom, you hear Mrs. Swallow's Oak Garcia saying, ah, and that brings me to my best part. So as you may or may not know, I am the heir to the fortune of the Swallow's ice cream company. And using that political clout, that's also a lesson to learn, is that it's about money primarily.

Thanks to Citizens United. Yeah, thanks to Citizens United. The fourth branch of government. Yeah, the new fourth branch of government, Citizens United. I was able to secure a visit with the mayor of San Dimas. He's going to come here. I was so expecting. You guys all were expecting free ice cream, right?

Like, I was so waiting for free ice cream. And the fact that it's not is immeasurably disappointing to me. So she hears that, and she goes, well, the thing about an America where cities do not exist, this fourth branch, is that it's illegal for things to be free now.

You gotta pay for everything, kiddo. So just to clarify, is the zit, so there's a zit there? There is a zit under the surface there, and the zit is going to slowly gain energy, and it's gonna pop. Just sitting at a desk. Can I run and jump on it? Lance it? No, it's like under the, you know how like a zit under the surface there, and the zit is going to slowly gain energy, and it's going to pop. Just sitting at a desk. Can I run and jump on it?

Lance it? No, it's like under the, you know how like a zit before it comes out on your skin is under your skin? It's like there. You cannot see it. You can just sense it.

And she goes, so the mayor's going to come in here and talk to you about local government and all the fun, different elements of therein. What's local government? Wait, who cares about local government? Let me give a shit about local government.

Exactly. That's why his perspective will be so interesting, don't you think? It's all about balance. You have to understand the big and the small, the good and the bad, the right and the left. You have to always be right in the dead center. I don't know how I exactly feel this. Is that maybe the daddy magic stuff? But like, yeah, I think I don't know if the time exactly.

But like, I think this mayor guy, like, I think this is like the incursions. When, when, when is he coming? Actually tomorrow. Oh yeah. He's coming tomorrow. That's the big surprise. Surprise everybody. In that moment, you hear a high heels clicking down the hallway and you turn and you see

everybody roll perception with advantage. 18 natural 20 again. Oh my God. I got another one and then an eight. Okay. But the one. That's fitting. Scary. He's like, doesn't care. Yeah. You don't care. Somebody comes God. I got another one and then an eight. Okay. But the one. That's fitting. Scary's like, doesn't care.

Yeah, she doesn't. Yeah, you don't care. Somebody comes in, you don't care. But Beth, she rolled better. I got a 12. Okay. Link and Taylor, you see what is very clearly Mae Hales doing a never been kissed and trying to pretend to be a teenager.

Oh my God. Oh my God. She's just dressed like a teen and she goes like, ah, ha, ha. And the other two of you, you either don't realize or don't care until she speaks. And she goes, oh, is this, this is history class. Great. Government. Government class.

That's great. Cool. So I'll just, oh, we're all outside. We're doing like an outside class thing. That's great. That's great. Hi, fellow teens. Hey, fellow teens.

Teens to the teens. Hey, I'm going to introduce myself to everybody really quickly. Go on ahead and keep talking about government stuff. And she leans in really close and huddles you all together. Hey, I'm going to introduce myself to everybody really quickly. Go on ahead and keep talking about government stuff. And she leans in really close and huddles you all together. And she goes, I checked the heat map and you have to kill the mayor. He's got the sauce. I say, you know that no one knows us better than ourselves. You should tell myself it'll be all right.

Pretty lies that we sleep at night. I know that no one knows me better than myself. And I know I'll get this right. It's just a matter of time till we make it out alive. We gotta pick ourselves up and say, not today, no, not today. We live for tomorrow, make steel and borrow, break where we can't change. We gotta pick ourselves up and say, not today. No, not today.

I don't need your sorrow. Come back tomorrow. I'll be on my way. I'll be on my way. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Link Wilson. Anthony Birch is our DM. Will Campos as Normal Oak. Beth May as Scary Marlow.

And myself, Freddie Wong, as Taylor Swift. Our theme song is On My Way by Maxton Waller. Brian Fernandez is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves provides additional editing. And Robin Rapp is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor. Travis Reeves provides additional editing. And Robin Rapp is our transcriber. Jimmy Wong and Sapphire Leo handle our merch.

By the way, we're trying something different with our merch on this episode. Head on over to store.dungeonsanddaddies.com to see some exclusive time-limited stickers that have to do with this episode. They're only going to be available for a limited time. We're just, you know, trying out some new merch stuff. So head on over there, see if the stickers tickle your fancy. And if they don't, see if there's anything else on the store that tickles your fancy. Some of our patrons who support this show are Harold Fuller Bennett, Bow Monster, Hi I'm Dad,

Kayla Habib, Selwyn Justice, Ben Davies, Louis Yoni, Laura, Aaron Krauss, Mr. Annihilatrix, Gaza Finna, Shane Birch, Jeffreyrey hayes valhem carson matthew briggs evan swedberg andrew marsh and autumn decant directly support this show and get ad free episodes at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads as well as a slew of bonus content next month beth is going to play scary games in vr because she's never done it before and she wants to be scared that's gonna be a whole, what we call a monthly bonus of indeterminate content at the $10 a month supporter tier.

But there's a lot of stuff at every tier level. For example, our after show where we answer listener questions and get into the behind the scenes of each episode. Season one was called Talking Dad. This season is called Teen Talk. There's entire mini campaigns and one shots. At this point, there are hours and hours of content and some of it is too spicy for the public feed. So the only way you can get it is our Patreon.

So if you want more, you can have it at Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. That's the best way to support this podcast. But there's other ways to support us, too. You can check out our merch at store.dungeonsanddaddies.com. That website is Dungeonsanddaddies.com. Our Twitter, Dungeons and Dads. Our subreddit, Dungeons and Daddies. Check out Elise's new show, 30 Morbid Minutes. Our next episode is coming out tuesday may 3rd we will see you then

we gotta pick ourselves up and say not today no not today we live for tomorrow bake steel and borrow brave where we can't change got to pick ourselves up and say, not today. No, not today. I don't need your sorrow. Come back tomorrow. I'll be on my way. Guys, really quick. Can we just like take a quick nap?

And then I nap for eight hours. I wake up. You all slept before you came to school. Oh, yeah. Lay on hands again. No, you can't short rest. No, no.