Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 13 - The Door into Plumber

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

The team crosses paths with a familiar face in an unfamiliar place.This episode contains Profanity, Violence, and Sexual Content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Twitter @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos (@willbcampos)Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold (@mattlarnold)Francis Farnsworth is Anthony Burch (@anthony_burch)Trudy Trout is Beth May (@heybethmay)Blake Lively is Freddie Wong (@fwong)Theme song is by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingRobin Rapp is our TranscriberCover art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Here it is, Trudy's Dream House, a wonderful new home for Tucker's beautiful new wife, Trudy. It's completely furnished with Trudy's own sewing machine, cuckoo clock, baby blanket, and go bag. And look! A roomy closet to put away all of Trudy's stuffy old dreams and desires. You'll have fun cooking the food, cleaning the floor, folding the laundry, washing the dishes, changing the diapers, and of course, nursing the baby, a lady's privilege.

Trudy's Dream House is truly a wish come true-dy. And look, the whole house and everything in it folds up into the prettiest little cage to keep Trudy safe and sound. Tucker will appreciate that. Just try running away from Trudy's Dream House. Go ahead and try. Abandon our newborn son and the only man who will ever love him. You'll never make it past the White Picket Fence

because wherever you run I'll be there too. And I'll drag us back here by the fucking hair if I have to! Welcome to Dungeons and Daddy's not a BDSM podcast. What is it? It's a Peachy podcast. This season the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four, now four, everyday schmoes finding the forces of darkness You haven't joined us. Well. I'm in the mix no you're not So says the DM so say we are in the mix the kid stays in the picture for everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness

the suburban 1950s America, I'm Freddie Wong. I play deep-thinking plumber Blake Lively this week's Blake fact as he wrestles with a pterodactyl Like what the fuck well people Were being sent back in time What's going on, but this week's a Blake fact Blake as a plumber has a favorite plumbing implement The P trap the P trap The Pee Trap? But here's the crazy thing, it doesn't trap pee. What does it do?

It prevents the gases from the sewer line to getting into your home. Okay. Okay. That's it, it's the Pee Trap. Is that just a real fact? It's a real fact. I love Pee Trap.

So the character we needed to know the most about, you gave us that cool. Cool. Cool. I love the Pee Trap. It's quite very smart. We haven't met him yet. It's okay. Yeah. Yeah, we're slowly learning Hey, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold I play Kelsey Grammer peachyville's happiest and snappiest school marm You know what she always says whether or not a glass is half full or empty depends on whether you plan on filling it

Up or drinking it. Okay What does that mean? You know what it means? No? Just think about it a little fact about Kelsey is that her favorite food? And this is the thing that she gets in trouble with this one all the time She ever been in trouble at school, okay, she cannot resist a fucking perfect PB&J Which means and like so many kids have a little PB&J just sitting on their desk like half eating and it's like well Why put it to waste she knows that kids gonna throw it away She's George Costanzi half eaten PBJs. Sorry I I defend Kelsey

Totally acceptable thing to do look look she's working hard. She gets hungry those kids ain't gonna finish that sandwich and maybe once or twice Maybe she ate it before the kid was done. No, but she can't resist a PB&J so don't put one in front of her if you need her to do anything. Say that. I'm Anthony Burch and I play Francis Farnsworth, a kid with a gun. And the Francis fact today is that- He's more than that Anthony. Is he? Yeah he is. He's also anxious, self-hating, addicted to masturbating, has a weird vibe. No the character Anthony. That's a few miles over here? Yeah. That's good, Beth. I love that, Beth.

Love it. What did Beth say? I said the character. Ah. Today's peachy fact for Francis is that he was planning on cutting out a picture of Carly from his yearbook and affixing it to the butt of his rifle.

Like, this is what I'm fighting for. But then, like, he sort of saw Shane again and remember like wait maybe he doesn't say good things about Carly that she loves Shane so much so instead he is now just carving tally marks into the butt of his rifle he has one that's like scratched out because he thought it was gonna be Tucker but turns out he's a robot and that doesn't count so he just scratched that one out so he preemptively marked it no we're saying you scratch it out like he shot Tucker and then as he was scratching I didn't mention it at the time, but he turned it immediately to got a pocket

I can start scratching it and then saw that it was oil I was like god damn it, and they had to scratch it all out Wow that's a lot going on for him I got confirm your kills yeah My name is Beth May and I played Trudy trout a robot donning wife homemaker and mother of one beautiful child Fun fact about Trudy Wow, we're really we're really Sloughing towards entropy with these the center cannot hold

Trudy only goes to the bathroom at home because that's her IP address. No! Shit, that's good, Beth. That was really good. That was the best one yet. That's a fucking banger! That was by far the best one yet.

Holy shit! That's obstacle stick worthy. That is very good. Banger, Beth. That is very good. That's a banger, dude. Thank you. That's like a top five jokes of the podcast,

in my opinion. That's outstanding. Wow. Wow. I don't know if I got that far. It was good. It was very good. I love a good pun, and that was a fucking great one.

You know it's good because all of us started grading it and discussing it and talking about how much we liked it. Most important thing is that we're all judging that. That's great. I'm Wilkampos, I'm your daddy, oh master, and your spooky daddy fact for this week. Oh no. One, I found my cheat sheet again, so

He's not back I'm thinking he's back the Tyrannosaurus Rex Did not have vision based on movement so They common thing now is that That's a common thing now. Is that? Let him finish. We don't know where he's going. It was in the movie Jurassic Park and it's wrong.

Anybody who read the book of Lost World remembers. And if, I don't know, someone were to find themselves being chased by a Tyrannosaurus Rex this episode, I'm still gonna be like, Ian, freeze! They would not want to freeze like Ian Malcolm. And I think we all remember how that worked out for Ian Malcolm. Although he ran. Well yeah, he got a sexy broken leg and then his shirt was open. It worked out really well for him.

And us. And he got the sequels and the other ones didn't. And that's the chaos theory. Oh, also quick bonus peachy fact for me this week. I am going to be guest starring in season two of Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons. This is one of the best fucking actual PlayPod guests in the game. The cast is hilarious. The plot is insane.

Season two just started up yesterday, so it's a great jumping on point. My first episode comes out on December 2nd, right after Thanksgiving. We had so much fun recording it. It's like a whole Indiana Jones type thing. I cannot wait for you all to hear it. So yeah, go check them out.

Real Housewives of Dungeons and Dragons. Okay, you guys wanna fucking, did wanna, what did, I wanna play. Play the game. Let's do it. I wanna fight Cthulhu! ["The Last Supper"]

We open on a dense canopy jungle. Boo, this is gonna be a phrase thing? Okay, all right. I'm gonna go back to eating my lunch. Mist hanging in the air. We hear like those little birds going, ooh ooh ah, ah kah kah, like some tropical ass birds. He's getting toward the tiki room. We miss hanging in the air we hear like those little birds Like some tropical as he's getting toward the tiki room

We pan down and I hate it when people say we pan down in an audio thing up panning down the tree you tell But how do you tell down? No, you just describe what's happening? It's all you you just say the trees are blank trees Russell and a big crate comes out, right? Where am I looking though? Am I looking down am I panning down when I'm seeing these trees though? It's on you, you just say the trees are blank. The trees rustle. And a big crate comes out, right? Where am I looking though? Am I looking down? Am I panning down when I'm seeing these trees though? I'm sorry Will, I just, I love Jurassic Park so much. The trees rustle and a man emerges from this thick, dense canopy into a clearing. He has a beard now and a pterodactyl skull for like a helmet and he's got fucking tattered clothes And it's Blake Lively the plumber and Freddy. I have a question for Blake Lively. He's been in here for weeks now weeks

Okay, weeks. He's been wandering the strange new world. I love the idea of aging this character. We haven't met Has Marbles the cat survived has he taken good care of Marbles the cat Marbles is in the skull and Like riding around like a row to eat so marbles the kitty cat is ratatouille in the skull I love that that's very cute and Blake is like we just need to find more bones to make jungle toilet Too many weeks marbles. We are shitting in ponds water holes That's insane! No, you dig a cat hole, then you poop in there. Marbles? Excuse me, this is a scene between marbles and poor private life.

Marbles, as you know, I have the shitting pond and the drinking pond. Very important not to mess those two up. Yes. I have a shitting pond! If you have the wealth of many ponds, what are you going to be able to sh- I'm just asking you to think about the logistics, because because like a pond is like it's ground and then water and it's a lot of water It's a significant. That's why I'm building a dock out to the middle of the shitting pond And then if you were to miscalculate

Trip backwards true startled by any wild animal you would be falling into the pond of shit at first I was doing this but I was using vines to hold myself up water For toilets is who is a movement device to move the poop Somewhere else No animals like I'm pooping in water Why is he making a pond to poop in? Are you like a cat and you feel like you have to hide?

You're dropping things to avoid predators? All right, all right, I'm sorry. Hey, hey, hey, yeah. I'm dropping, I'm dropping. Here's what I'm doing. It's your character, I'm sorry. Blake is building a dock out into the middle of his poop pond so that he can deposit his poops into the middle of the pond.

Great. OK. Good. I'm glad they're there. As you are building, we'll say that you drop your bundle of bones that you're building with your poop deck with, so to speak. Yes, the poop deck. As you do that, you hear a noise off in the distance.

You hear the sound of a motorcycle engine rumbling. So my guy is like a handyman. So I wonder if I can get any more information off of that motorcycle. Sure, give me a roll cycle everyone did level up Yes, I did. I gave everyone a homework. They were all supposed to level up twice So if their skills are shit blame them not me. Yep. I failed one level up I got another one. I got a little bit more spy hidden baby the spy hidden train You know you can treat yourself to many skills

I did multiple skills You got multiple? I was very clear about this I leveled up like three skills Three? You only get two levels up. No, you get two per whatever. You get to level up twice per skill that you have used. Can I choose to...

Do you want to just all in on spotting? No. Okay, thank you. That's what I was asking. That's really funny. Unless you can explain to me how using those other skills led to you being better at spotting hidden things. When I was being stealthy, I was spotting hidden things. You knew what it was like to be hidden.

Yes. Because you were hiding. No, it's fine. It's fine. I'll upgrade other stuff. I just only care about spotting. Freddy, what are we rolling? What are we doing? I'll just roll listen. Okay. Do you want like advantage, so you know what cars are or whatever?

I rolled an 89. What is that strange sound of beast? Okay, what would you like to do? You hear it rumbling off in the distance? Hide, obviously. Hide. I wanna get height. This fucking game. Fray, there's a motorcycle sound. Hmm. I wanna roll a listen.

It's still a motorcycle. I love TTRPGs. Losing my mind. I wanna get some height. I wanna pull up onto a tree. Great, I love that. You scurry up a tree It's like the high hide in lost world there you go like And you see down in the clearing beneath you in this mysterious Tropical world you find yourself in you see a man on a motorcycle kind of idling to a stop

I ready my battle coconut your battle coconut. Okay, great Are there coconuts in the jungle? It's only tropical. They have some mysterious fruit you've never seen before. And you call it a coconut. I call it a coconut because I've never seen a coconut before either You've never seen- why would you call it a coconut if you've never seen one before? That's what I figured I heard- oh here's what I- you heard of coconuts, but I've never seen a picture of a coconut And this looks like a coconut Okay, great. So you ready your coconuts and this man down in the clearing beneath you He starts digging a hole in the ground. He's wearing a lab coat. He's got dark black hair

Do you have you met Tucker before I knew it? I might recognize him as someone who was in peachyville Okay, but not necessarily like exactly who it is cuz I've done work on it basically everyone sucker does his own plumbing You can't risk anybody seeing his shit New toilet every time I use it Every time I do a number two he gets a new toilet that's real rich. That's more than boat rich Socks rich where you just get a new pair of socks every day. The real rich is a new toilet every day.

He's digging this hole. You recognize him as someone you've seen around PGVille. He's a little far away. And then he pulls out what looks like a time capsule from a satchel on his bag. Sorry, what looks like a time capsule? What does a time capsule look like?

Oh, a time capsule. You know oh a time cap sorry in my head when you said the phrase time capsule I didn't think of the things that I got a futuristic yeah I was like I was like how do I know what that time capsule is if anything you'd probably? Be more inclined to know what a time capsule is back in the 50s is they used to actually use them all the time Yeah, yeah, it makes you think fucking idiot Bozo no, I'm not gonna be mean to Freddie everyone else be ready Because they used to actually use them all the time. Yeah, yeah, it makes you think fucking idiot Bozo no, I'm not gonna be mean to Freddy everyone else be ready you watch as the man below you Takes a green key off of a necklace and puts it in this time capsule and buries it in the ground

Then he gets on his motorcycle and drives off back into the distance. Okay, so Blake is gonna make note of that Mm-hmm. He's gonna see the tire tracks that left mm-hmm Quick investigation of the tire tracks Is this the first time that like Tucker's come out into this clearing and buried something here or is this you know I'm saying I want to answer that question specifically, but this is the first motorcycle tracks. You've seen okay interesting I mean you sort of zoom off into the he disappears into another grove of tropical just in case I want to String some vines across a blind spot. You want to string some vines, baby?

Where the motorcycle tracks are. So if Tucker ever comes back. You can clothesline him. Yes, that's very good. He will be decapitated. Oh, OK. Is that what you'd like to do right now? I'm doing that right now, yeah.

I would love that his best arch enemy gets killed off screen by a character we don't know. Due to his professional survival instincts. We're just out, we hear, dude, did you hear what they found in the jungle? You follow the tracks back whence they came towards the entrance of the grove. As you're tying this taut vine,

you hear massive, thunderous footfalls stomping towards you, trees shaking. If you were to look back at your poop pool, the water would be vibrating as if one was plucking a guitar string underneath it. And a shadow falls over you, and you hear a ginormous thunderous ball-shaking roar as a horrible, terrible lizard stares down at you

and screams, a mighty scream, its jaws streaking, its teeth glistening. What do you do? Stares down at you and screams a mighty scream. It's jaws Shrieking its teeth glistening. What do you do? I'm gonna try and trip it up I run underneath it you run away underneath it under its legs I read the needle give me an acrobatics or give me a dexterity roll if you can come up with a dexterity roll now I happen to have quite a bit of dexterity. Oh, he's a nimble boy I've thought about the deficiencies of my character and the ups and downs of the system, and I roll a 37 on a 75, which is a super success.

Describe to me the way you nimbly weave your pass. I go, ugh. And I tuck in real tight like a football guy. And I just sprint straight through blindly. But pure luck has made it so that I weave through the feet effortlessly and dodge the tail But now now that t-rex is no idea where I am because it will look underneath and as it looked underneath the guy It's the head stuck underneath his legs I well we're not gonna go that far

But you get a head start on running away from it enraged as it's Cory slips away from it It turns around and spots you slinking and speeding through the woods and it gives chase through the jungle engaging you in a terrifying deadly race for your very life you tear through the trees limb from limb you're not living from what you tear through the tree it would be though it's trees limb from limb the limbs are tearing off the trees vines are whipping you in the face you can one of those cool little like you remember Princess Mononoke when he gets that

You get like a couple of those Marbles the cat has fully sunk his claws stuck together facial scar, but it sucked Center and off to the side like Kylo Ren and force awakens where it's like a nose thing Yeah, you run and you run and you find yourself bursting through the other side of this forest as this T-Rex gives hot pursuit. You see a wide open plane in front of you. The sky- Board the plane, board the plane.

The sky meets the horizon in this line that seems ever distant and then wham! You collide straight into a wall. And you realize that the horizon is false. And you're at the edge of some stone wall, as if you're in some kind of Hollow Earth situation. And with that, we cut to... I think we do still cut to in an audio environment.

It's not a thing where it's like we don't pan. You could also just say elsewhere. Elsewhere. Oh, I like that. Thanks, Anthony elsewhere Suddenly elsewhere suddenly elsewhere Just assume that we're like flying there were following a moth or something We have to tire brain is just moths flying around the place that is so moth-filled do an elevator door opens and our three amigos,

what remains of the guttural screams, find themselves in a strange new environment that doesn't look that strange. It's like a big fucking room. Like it's got big government facility vibes. I think what you say it is in respect to like the one circus of a three ring circus. You're in a room that's about like one and a half times the size of one ring and a three ring circus

and It's a you know like sterile environment white walls two hallways peeling off in a long arc on either side of you and in front of you a big Door like a big bank vault type door. It's like a video game hallways guys. It's like some get some Resident Evil ass core. And they make sure to go down one hallway. If it looks like it's going for a while, turn around, go to the other hallway because that's

the hallway. That's the main line. Yeah. When we last left you, you had a harrowing encounter with the brain of the original Trudy Trout and then managed to deduce the super secret keypad code of Tucker Trout's elevator down to the actual Project Heartland Research Facility. Because we're trying to get its key. Yes.

We're trying to get the green key. We need the green key. It was green? He let it slip. He let it slip. He never said the key was green before, but now we know where it is. It's in the past. I can't find it.

I'm color blind. It's in the past. I want to go to the past. Kelsey's like, I want to go to the past. Kelsey doesn't know where the key is. Kelsey didn't see any of that. Only the audience did. Zuzel, where is the key?

He's spending it. Oh, interesting, interesting, interesting. Zuzel says to you, I will tell you what I know for a price. I'll give you as many PB&Js as you want. Who are you talking to, Kelsey? That is insufficient. Oh, god, are you crazy too now? No, I'm not crazy.

Didn't you? You guys are talking. What do you mean crazy too? I'm crazy. OK. You guys are in talk. I would never call a woman crazy. I'd say hysterical.

Oh. Well, yeah. I feel a little bit like that right now. Oh, wait. I just did call a woman crazy. Shit. Well, Trudy, did you, that painting, did a voice talk to you?

Oh yes. Yeah. And you said no. And I said no. Oh. Yeah, I said no too. What, what, did you say yes? You said yes? Well, it was a nice painting.

Oh my god. Bye to them. Oh my god, Miss Grammer. Tell them you said no and I shall give you more power. Oh, I actually, funny story, I know I just said that I said yes. Did it just tell you to lie to us? But I actually, no, it would never do that.

I said it would never do that. Okay, you slipped up. And nodding, it's telling me, no, I said no to it. And you see like a tear forming down your eye as she's nodding. I said no and everything's fine and see like a tear forming down her eye as she's nodding. I said no and everything's fine and clearly I did what we all would have done and I didn't make a mistake. Kelsey, I have to say that when people from now on will tell me that everything is fine,

I'm inclined to not believe that. Same. I just can't trust adults. No, I think those are both good instincts. I don't think everything's gonna be fine I just think we need to find the green key and zozo's our Lord and we'll figure out a way Side you've gotten promoted to being in front of us all the time That's no that's good. Very well stand in front of them lead them to their doom

Guys I need to talk to you now. Shh. No, no. Tell them nothing unless you wish to suffer dormance. Let's go forward. OK. And look for a green key. Otherwise, nothing.

Oh my god. Oh my god. As you step forward, you hear the voice of Tucker Trout Oh my god! As you step forward, you hear the voice of Tucker Trout barking at you over a loud scream. Hey! What the heck do you think you're doing? Oh, we know this, Trout. We can't talk back to it.

Don't you know that the research department is closed on Sundays? This is Director Tucker Trout reminding you that Sunday is the Lord's Day, even at Project Heartland. So turn back immediately, head to your home, and spend the day with your family, silly! Oh no, he's a Christian? I can't kill another Christian! Or face disciplinary action. Message repeats. Hey!

What the heck? Here and so on, and it looks... Alright. Well, here's the thing. He was never home on Sundays either! I think he was here. Oh, he's not practicing then. Fuck it. No, I think he was... He on Sundays either. I think he was here. Oh, he's not practicing then. Fuck it. No, I think he was, he probably worked here.

He probably, because it's his rule, so he can work here on Sundays. He can work here on Sundays. Do you go into his basement and just knock him out? Well, yeah. Okay. Well, we got a demon who can fuck stuff up now, so that's I guess one point in our favor. What? Susel.

Don't lie to me again, Kelsey. Yeah. I can't take it. Okay, am I gonna lie? You only want to trust that I was shooting. I didn't think it was a big deal until I found out you two said no. No. So now, because. They're lying to you, Kelsey.

They said yes. OK, OK, yeah, they're lying. No. Can I roll to like, have Zuzel shut up for a second? Ha ha ha. You may roll. What do I roll? Give me a willpower roll.

Willpower, okay. I'll have Zuzel do the same. 13. Zuzel got an 11. Oof. That sucks. And he's got probably more willpower than you. So I guess Zuzel won't shut up.

Nice try. It's okay. You wish to quiet Zuzel in your mind, but Zuzel is here with you. I'm a little worried. You and I, our fates are intertwined. No, I get it, Kelsey. I mean, we hear Tucker repeating, and that's annoying. It's hard to think.

And you must hear a voice like that repeating, and it's hard to think. And it's just a lot of voices in my voice repeating, and it's hard to think. And so I understand that it's difficult. No, it's just really, all this is really confusing and I want, we need to save the town and there's things that aren't in books. I know because I've been writing a book forever and I just thought, I don't know who Zuzel

is or anything and I just thought it was like, you don't say no to a teacher? Like I just thought Zuzel was a teacher. So like it would teach me things. Yes I am, I will teach you. So, but now I'm worried. I'm worried I messed up. Look, if there's anything I've learned in the past couple days, it's that thinking too hard never actually leads to anything good. So let's just focus on the green key and keep moving forward and not think about any subtleties or any like moral dilemmas or anything.

It will just go. It'll be fine. We'll be good people. OK, let's put a pin in what you said, but I agree with you for right now. Let's just move forward. And I just need both of you. Just the next thing I say. always hold on to, okay? Everything I say about Zuzo is a lie. Give me a, Zuzo roars in your brain. Give me a, I'll let you choose if you want to take a D8 of sanity loss Or if you want to take a D8 of health sanity feels more

Okay, so we're gonna say this is from this is not a sanity roll Yeah, this is your this is your max sanity is gonna go down. Yeah, my max sanity or you can take physical damage No, I'll take the sanity. Okay, I only have 35 so now I'm gonna do a d8 for so 31. Okay. So yes your brain Racks with agony of a splitting headache. Yep, as you feel the pain of resisting the will of Zuzelle in your mind It was fine. It wasn't a big deal. You guys should have said yes. Let's keep going Kelsey just because somebody is like, you know thinks that they're the boss It doesn't mean that they're gotta be the boss of you, is what I've learned, I think.

Sometimes somebody is the boss of you, because I have a principal, and I have Zuzel now. And Zuzel's great, remember what I said the first time, Zuzel's great, let's just keep moving forward. Treaty them, they make Zuzel's not great. What do you guys wanna do? Oh, yeah, which door should we go in? I wanna check out that door.

Okay, so as you approach the door, it's a big vault door, like a bank vault door, you see a warning written on it. It says all chamber doors must be shut before stasis field can activate. Give me a no roll, everybody. I failed. I failed.

I failed. Y'all failed your edgy roll? Damn. What's a door? What's a states this field? I'm gonna try to open the door. Okay, great I love that as you go to open the door you in fact hear a Thud on the other side of the door you hear like a wham as if someone has run into a wall

Near you and now our two scenes are merged. He did it somehow he did it Our split screen comes into one view Blake you are on the other side of this wall Wigs in my hair On your trail the four of you here he thought on the wall you've just clonked into a wall Why should you the first thing that comes out of there. We should blast this wall. Was that thud, is that the way the door works? Was that like a thud, like a lock?

Try again, try it again. Okay, I keep trying to open the door. Oh, okay, you open the door. From your side. That's easy, Jesus, what a big door. What was that thud? Why was the door so big if you could open it that easily? It's not locked.

Is there a way for Freddy to open it on the other side? No, it was just a wall. Yeah, he sees nothing. So guys we do have the opportunity to the funny Other hallways first because it says you have to close the other doors first Seems like whatever isn't here might be like really dangerous and we want to repair by going to the other hallways I gotta hear what that thud is though. I'm sorry I can't hear where that thud is though, I'm sorry. I continue to open the door. You hear the thud?

I continue to open the door. So you open the door, there's a big pneumatic hiss as it pops open, and then you see there's like a little light-up display on the wall next to the door that marks four doors in this complex. And you see that right now two of them are lit up. The door to the north is lit up and the door you're at, the southern door, is also lit up as you popped it open. The door slides open and you see this incredible Jurassic tableau before you. Trees, jungle, everything! And then you see a bedraggled, disheveled, bearded, bone-wielding plumber. It does move with beards. And you also see a T-Rex thundering up behind him.

Close the door! Close the her! Look at her! Wait, wait, no! Look at her! Look at her! Look at her! Look at her! Look at her! Wait, wait, no! Dodgers and Dice is brought to you this week by Aura Frames! A fantastic-

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So don't miss out terms and conditions apply Give me a luck roll. Just Matt, because he's the one closing the door. The one closing the door. I failed. I got 74, 57. Okay. Zuzel, I would like my-

I would like my advantage. I get one every- Oh, very well. You feel the will of Zuzel trickling ever further into the recesses of your brain. Fucking Zuzel, I got an 82. Failed again. Medi 82. Feel it again. Mediocre. Sorry, dog. You manage to slam the door shut.

You still get it shut. But the T-Rex knows that there's something there. Like he's seen it, and you hear him banging into the wall and sniffing and panting on the other side as this huge, horrible monster. I always thought dinosaurs were dumb, but it gave me a look like it knew where we are now. I agree, and I wonder if this thing, this big thing

that I can't even comprehend in my soul or my brain, I wonder if it's like Moth Jesus, where it looks scary, but it's actually kind of a hunk. I mean, it was chasing after, like Moth Jesus just approached, right? Like this thing was chasing. Didn't have big teeth. Oh everyone give me a sanity roll for seeing a T-Rex by the way. I mean a fucking like cool roll, cause it was the coolest shit we've ever seen.

Yeah cause I've seen him in drinks. Fucking coolest thing we've ever seen. Ooh yes, a nine, I succeed. I got a 67, I failed. Okay. Yay, I got 22 after those two shitty foot rolls. I succeeded. My sanity's only 31 though.

Beth give me a 1d4 Sanity loss for seeing this mind-boggling sight and it's not hunky at all. It is not hunky Too he looks like the most not hunky actor that they keep trying to make happen happen Oh my goodness. It's just it's sad really that they try to make this happen Freddy. How old is Blake Lively Blake Lively? That can't be right 28 he's 20 always a strapping young Kelsey but no she's not gonna make December this Hello, who the fuck are you? What? Who are you?

Yeah, it's the plumber. Hi, how are you there? Ah, Kelsey. How's the plumbing? I mean, bad. You did a bad job. Whoa! I mean, thank you, I had to learn myself. Whoa! Hey, wait a second, you came over to my house

to fix the sink and then the toilet was clogged afterwards, you said I did it Yes, they are not connected them You guys fix the sink in the toilet You can do one so we fix it well I fix it now because Blake here never fixes it. I did fix it I remember it Just because. I remember it. It's like Roshamon.

You also kicked my dog on the way out! I don't have a dog anymore! Your hound bit my leg. I didn't kick, I tried to shake him off. Yeah, so hard he died. Oh my god. Okay, there's a lot of elevated feelings. What are you doing here?

What happened? Why are you... I could say the same about you. Oh, I was rescuing marbles here Hello, this is marbles I'm gonna put my hand out but like in a fist so it can't scratch my fingers. I'm just gonna let it sniff traumatizing couple of weeks Seems like you have some unfinished business with the T-Rex.

No, no, I was helping Marbles, was in the storm drain, and then the storm drain opened into a Jurassic world. Wow. That's insane. That doesn't sound as cool as a park. That's insane. Yes. Well, okay, so you asked us why we're here.

Yes, what are you doing here? How long have you been in there? Weeks. Weeks? Weeks, okay. Yeah, so you asked us why we're here. Yes, what are you doing here? How long have you been in there? Weeks. Weeks? Weeks, okay. Yeah, so Peachyville's, a lot of stuff's been happening. I mean, I don't mean to throw your husband on the bus. It's my good friend, Tony Collette with you.

Yeah. Oh. No. Well, he's not with us. No, I mean, we lost track of him. He's probably fine though. We haven't seen him in a while. I haven't seen him in a while either. He owes me money.

Oh, yeah, that makes sense See, he's very good the registration fee for the gutter all screams bowling league and he kicked my dog. I Don't know how to describe it long story short There's some sort of cult and this whole town is now in trouble and we find three keys one of which is down here The town is in trouble. How well there's like big monsters like ancient gods Husband well, he's running it all it seems yeah, and frankly it's good to know that I wasn't the only one whose feelings he hurt yeah Husband what is your husband my husband is Tucker trout Oh?

Trout family yeah, I've never seen your tour looking for a green key was there a green key in there Green key and my dialogue my dialogue the green key is like red Like highlighted in the JRPG dialogue ah Green key well I saw one of them. I think I suppose Well, I was one of them. I think I suppose I suppose it depends on I guess that was green. It was more of an aquamarine blue Well, I saw Tucker would I know who Tucker is? Yeah, that's right. I know him around town. I feel like seeing her could refresh your memory. We look exactly the same. We're siblings.

Oh my gosh. What a twist. What a twist that you look like. Oh my gosh. No, that's not what's happening. Okay. Okay. So you were saying you saw Tucker? Ah, yes, Tucker. In the dinosaur area. He had motorcycle and he brought it into the Jurassic world and then He had this green key

We need three keys to save I know I know I know but just calm down but that means is back there He married it in the Jurassic World. So we have to go back in there. He buried it? Yes. What the fuck? Wait, do you know where it is? I know exactly where it is because I've marked the clearing with a death trap.

Oh, okay. Can we get in without setting off the death trap? As long as you are not riding a motorcycle or very fast bicycle, death trap no problem. Okay. I have a question. Yes. Well, if I'm, you know, like a kind of cyberkinetic kind of robotic kind of not all real but some

real person. Hey, what the fuck are you talking about lady? She's a robot but she's real. What the fuck? Why don't you just talk T-Rex? Calm down. Yeah, well I was wondering if that world that Blake was in is not all real either. And maybe we can see it on the computer, like how it lights up the doors. Maybe it's like an image that's been implanted in our minds or something. I know I sound so silly now, but I'm wondering if it's not actually what we're seeing.

No, you're onto something. It could also be a robot t-rex Which actually scares me a little bit more than I think about it But we should maybe explore the other hallways everybody find a terminal you guys are pretty far out man Everybody give me a spot hidden role 27 but 21 I didn't get it. I failed. I succeed barely. I got a 54 and I have 60.

I got a 13. Wow. So I got super success. You got super success. Okay so. Not super duper unfortunately. That's an 11, but I got super success. Kelsey and Trudy, you both notice

that the elevator's moving. Oh. Oh. It's going back up right now. Almost as if someone has called it up moving. Oh, oh, it's going back up right now almost as if someone Called it up there. Oh, no, I won't pry open the elevator door. Okay Use my bone spear oh, yeah, also open up the door with the t-rex to let the t-rex loose on whoever comes in Francis what they're not gonna be a good guy. No, no, no, that's A plus.

Oh, thank you, thank you. Okay, yeah, it's a good idea. I've got myself on the back. Let's get the door unlocked and then we'll wait for the elevator door to open and we'll open the door with the T-Rex. Yeah, why don't you guys get further down? I'm really good at sneaking, so I can do it

and hide from the T-Rex so it doesn't see me and goes after the other guys. Okay. Yes. I also have a feeling that T-Rex's vision is based on movement. Really? So, the plan is... I'm gonna go to the door of the vault, the others are gonna go out of sight of the elevator and of that room.

Once I hear the ding, before they even open, I'm gonna pull open the door and then run and hide in the same hallway that the others are in. How much time do we have? The elevator goes down? We don't know okay. I mean you know how much time it took like you know maybe 30 seconds for it to go down Okay, so for three seconds is I want anything that is around this hallway like if there's a little table I just want to make a much of a little corridor from the door

from the door Really focus like like yeah essentially like making like you know like those horse blinders like with the door to the elevator like really focus like like yeah essentially like making like you know like those horse blinders like with the door open the only thing the dinosaur is seeing is the elevator doors to the left and right is like some cabinets and stuff like this is really more of an entryway but we'll say there's a trash can and two plastic plants and an American flag. Great. I put those four things in a little like on to the side. To line up the corridor.

Yeah, to make like a little corridor. Perfect, Elsie. Okay, now. Thanks, Francis. There are two hallways shooting off of this corridor. There's the door and then there's two hallways. Over one corridor it says two laboratories. Two hallways and two laboratories?

No. What sort of building is this? Two hallways and two laboratories? I'm just messing with you Will. Welcome back. So one door says this way to laboratories. The other says

this way to main control room. That's what the two- So there's laboratories and what was the other one? Laboratories is one way way master control room is the Make sure you drape the flag across that way to cover our retreat. Are you in with us Blake? Yes, if you say the town is in danger. Well, I love the town I've always known you ever since I tell you in third day you've been a selfish kid. I've ever Time you helped the town

that you grew up in. What the fuck is this coming from? Are you sure you're not confusing it with a different Blake? Could be. I have taught a lot of kids over the years. There's Blake Shelton, remember? He's a piece of shit. Oh yeah, oh, but don't say that

because he got in that car accident. Oh, he did. Yeah. He's the only one that survived, his whole family died. Yeah, his family died, he's an orphan now. I'm just saying, Blake, that we're not only friends, we his whole family died. His family died, he's an orphan now. I'm just saying, Blake, that we're not only friends, we're a bowling team.

Yeah, and you're not part of it, because... Because that's Tony, right? Is that what you're gonna say? I was just gonna say that whether we roll a gutter ball or a strike, you're with us. And that's the agreement, That's the vow we make when we, when we joined the guttural screams.

I like that. We do need a fourth player. I'm not really that soft on you yet. I think I don't trust you. You could be anything, but I'll keep an eye on you. I fixed your toilet. No, you shat in my toilet and quaffed it and blamed me. And you kicked my dog. How is toilet working now though? Well, fine. Now that we call it a different plumber.

What the fuck is this character assassination? You've done it yourself Blake Lively fixing the toilet. How about he gets the role? You get the role. You are at the Farnsworth house and you are fixing the upstairs toilet. Give me a role on your plumbing skill. Well, I'm skilled trades person. Give me your role.

What is your skill? I'm curious. What did you put in plumbing? Look, I'm just thinking of what Freddie put down. Every glimpse that we've seen of Freddie I've not gotten this as a He seemed very assertive about like he was walking into it do a drain thing to get a cat all right Here's here's what I'll say. I'll do mechanical repair, okay

But he's very dexterous. Something tells me he's not very good at this. 87. Alright, so here's what happens. Why are you shitting in the toilet? You're supposed to go and fix the sink! Oh, I had to go. I can't go in the sink. I have to go in the toilet. Don't worry, child! And I flush the toilet and it clogs immediately. You gotta fix that now!

Well, I have two things. This one is for free. The sink is your fault. The dog comes running to your feet. Bork! Bork! Bork! The dog comes running to your feet. What the fuck is this? It's my dog! Get the sink! It's my dog, little Orphan Annie!

Ah, it's biting me! Get this away! It's not biting you! It's licking you! Ah, it's biting me! And I kick it's sink into the water. What is it? The dog falls down the stairs and snaps its neck. No! Do you have a second toilet downstairs that needs fixing? Okay, well I need to get my half up front Alright, we got out of our flashback. Maybe we'll treat ourselves to one of those for

episode for how he knows the other two of you. So you've decided to... You killed my dog! Alright, so, okay, so you guys are hiding in the corridor behind the American flag and the two potted plants. Francis is at the door. As the elevator is coming down, you hear the familiar voice of a little young girl saying, Mommy, Mommy, are you down here? I'm scared, I'm lost! Is the voice of Tiffany, your daughter. Unleash!

No, don't listen! Tiffany's not real. She's not even partially real. Mommy, where are you? It's dark, it's dark, I don't listen Tiffany's not real mommy where are you it's dark it's dark I don't know where I am I'm going down somewhere I'm scared I miss you sounds like a trick don't listen so the elevator thumbs up to Francis Francis nods the elevator comes to a halt and I open the door okay two things happen one Francis opens the door and to be. I open the door. Okay, two things happen. One, Francis opens the door. And to be clear, I open the door in the following way. Anthony has stood up.

Anthony is now opening the door. He's walking over to the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna take a picture for our Patreon of Anthony opening the door. All right, I'm doing a little video. We're rolling. This is how Anthony is.

Give me a demonstration, Anthony. Take it back, roll it back. Beautiful. There you go, yeah. And then imagine there's a T-Rex right there. Yeah. As Francis does that, a T-Rex head instantly jumps through this massive door and roars and starts snapping its teeth.

As that's happening. Stay still, stay still, stay still. I'm hiding now. The elevator door opens, and emerging from the shadows, you hear the clickety clack of mechanical feet and from the shadows emerges a massive spider like robot with like

Almost like I like a probiscus kind of poking out of it You see the face of your daughter Tiffany and she's looking out and her eyes are glowing red and she's still saying mommy mommy I'm scared. I can't find you mommy. Where are you two of her like spider feet our little kid hands like she's split apart And then like two of it are like her legs But they've still got like her little buckle shoes on them and a little white socks And then there's just a shredded dress grinding up in the gears of this horrible many-legged arachnid-like robot as it comes out and it locks eyes with the T-Rex and it says, threat detected, engage, and then it just launches at it and starts slashing at the T-Rex's eyes and it roars and thrashes around and now there's

this brutal melee going on between this T-Rex and this robot spider girl. And as that's going on, Francis, you now have a T-Rex spider battle to dodge your way out of. And you also have to hop over a potted plant and American flag if you want to get to your friends. Okay, what do you want me to roll?

Well, do it in two rolls. First, you got to clear the T-rex and those dexterity all right My dad go in now. I rolled an 11 which is a super duper success. Oh, okay? You need a super success for this one, so it's good You got a super duper success so as the two kaiju are fighting I wait for a break in the action specifically as the t-rex it like roars back with like one of its fists like it's gonna Punch it even though. He's got those little stubby arms And his tail goes up like it's a rope with dope

He's gonna like fake with a punch on the pin with his tail and as his tail goes up I run underneath the tail towards the corridor that leads to the control room give me one more dexterity to get over the spotted plant That is a 30 that is a normal success, okay? You that would have just it would have been funny if like tripped and they saw me and now team team question our character do we want to go master controller? Don't we know the key is in this place do we want to go back with a t-rex? Yeah, but like you want to fight there in front of the door. They're yeah occupying the room I'll be rolling hard checks to get back. Okay, Kelsey You do remember that little light up thing that you saw there's other there are there are three other airlocks in this

He says the same thing in Independence Day yep It's like how Tim Allen goes oh in the Santa Claus Sorry what he does his Tim the tool man oh, oh, in the Santa Claus. Ehh. Sorry, what? He does his Tim the Toolman Taylor grunt noise in the Santa Claus, even though it doesn't make any sense for that character. Ehh. So we run through the master control room. You hear grinding gears and laser blasts and teeth snashing.

You're heading down this dark, again, sort of like government corridor, for lack of a better term. And as you run, you see sort of side doors Leading to different sort of departments as you head down this hallway towards the control room And so you see a door marked power you see one marked sanitation Oh, I like this one you see a room called weather control You see a door that says motor pool slash chamber access and as you're running past all of these give me another spot Don't worry don't worry Kelsey's here. I got a five nice

Spidey is 60 nothing escapes the wily eye of pretty trout. Yeah 13 Sick, so just normal super normal sex normal success normal sex normal sex normal pP. That's not I don't want to say that that's normal That's a little hetero That's weird. It's weird. It's weird. You're saying that thing What's that line in the star you came in that thing? Putting it the putting the thing in the thing. I get it nature. It's still like not enough Yeah, we wiggle around wiggle around You know, there's just like there's all manner of gyration

There's plenty of stuff where it's like you see the hummingbird the thing comes on they get the nectar They don't put the thing out They're moving they don't put the thing out and then you're watching they're moving they don't just so fast you actually can't tell that it's coming up pumping that fucking statement dude it's wrapping its crevice around that stamen and pumping it dry pumping it like those oil derricks on las sienega What a shame the animal kingdom is kinky dude, okay I did well to you well to so Matt Kelsey and Trudy notice then I'll say the thing that Trudy noticed, Kelsey and Trudy noticed muddy footprints coming out of the door for motor pool slash chamber access and heading towards the climate control center. So even though I didn't see the hidden stuff, I see chamber access and I'm like, oh, we have to close the other doors.

Maybe we can do it from chamber access. Trudy with her super duper duper duper success notices two things and she notices that the chamber door Appears to be unlocked unlike the other doors Or the door to motor pool chamber access She also notices based on the tread size the amount of time she's had to fucking Clean up after Tucker's muddy footprints after he's come in from fucking the basement the basement or a fishing trip or whatever Like these are Tucker tracks And they're headed straight for the control center their control center is different from chamber access

Francis control centers different chamber access The chamber access is the only one that's open is the control room open so you see We're actually kind of redundant right you go into a room that is the chamber That's what a door is It's like a room called like room enter Maybe it's just a door It's just a door Hey look at this I opened the door it's just a door Weird

It's just an example of how to get into chambers That's helpful I guess Ah it's a good illustration Ah look the same door across all of these doors Oh Well now I know how to use that That's great I wanna die Uh the control. That's great. I want to die

The control center, let's call it Master control master control the master control room. Let's say that the master control room You have yet to see a door for it. It's around this you're essentially like running in this This wide curving hallway and it's still around the corner. So let's keep running. Do we all follow the boots? Do you want to say that they're Tucker boots? Are you keeping that to yourself? I will say yes These are Tucker boots, so be careful. Oh that makes sense because I think I saw him earlier. Oh shit. Well. Let's go kill it Let's go to the fucking motor pool chamber access that door do They saw doors here. So many fucking doors. The muddy footprints are leading away from the motor pool to master control.

That makes sense. We have not altered our plans whatsoever. This is podcasting. I would like to open the chamber access to get into the master control room. I'm sorry! I did a bad job naming the rooms, okay? I had to come up with like seven rooms, and two of them have names that sound simple. Kelsey, you don't know how to open that door. You've never been to Chamber Access. You've never been to Chamber Access. Kelsey, practice on this other door. Okay! Shut up! Shut up! I'm the GM! Shut up! This is my show! Respect me! Well, but I would like to say that when you, you know, as we're running, it's like, Ah, it makes sense. He was riding motorcycle. I think this is Tucker. Tucker footprints.

Wait, that doesn't make sense. Why does it say footprints? He was riding a motorcycle. Yeah, what the fuck? Where'd the motorcycle go? Well, because it's probably in the motor pool. Oh, like he parked it there and then left. Oh, yeah, you know what? Is that a shit pool? Yes, he parked it underwater in the motor pool.

We were giving Blake Lively a hard time, but with some crickle thinking like that, I think he's gonna find a good spot in this group. He's gonna fill a much-needed niche. We wanna go to the chamber. We wanna go to the master control. You round the corner, you see a doorway marked Master Control. It's wide open.

Oh, great. As you run towards the door, it slams shut dramatically in your face Sham scripted event and then on the other side of the door you see Tucker Trout How do we see through the door Yo, wait, what the fuck? We should have got a chamber access, I told you! We know how to interact with these doors! The door has like a thick plas- that's got like one of those like fuckin'

You know, like a little portal on it. We understand, you don't have to fucking tell Freddy how he can see through it. He has a window or something. I want to paint the picture. Tucker Trout's looking at us. So you see Tucker Trout on the other side. Oh, start blasting! What, that door's certainly bulletproof. Only one way to find out

Yeah, you know what fair enough. BAM! It's bulletproof. How many bullets do you have left? You never made me count so I'm saying infinite. No, I feel like you would have bought like how many bullets are in a case of ammo. At literally no point did you request that I track bullets. Well now we're doing it. Box of ammo. Ah, but there's a're doing good box of ammo With bump stock that's a thing right nobody you have a little box of bullets with them, okay? It takes 15 rounds. I feel like your parents got you a box of ammunition 15 no no no that's a clip no no no no five in the clip so the box only has 15 bullets Yeah, okay, damn all right. five in the clip. Oh, so the box only has 15 bullets. Yeah, it's not that many.

Oh wow, okay, damn, all right. This is the size of the box. Wow. So we'll see you got, we'll be nice and see you got 10 bullets left. Great. Okay, Tucker waves at you. Hi honey, why don't you open the door?

I just wanna talk. No, I don't think. I'm home after all. I don't think I will. I think, Trudy, I feel like I wanna say this to one of you at least, so let me say it to you. Of course, honey. I want a divorce.

Oh. I think this is over. I've tried and I've tried and I've tried. When we met, we had this spark, and I saw you both as the woman you are, but just the woman you could be. And I- That kiss in the bathroom, I'll never forget it. This is very, you can't fire me, I quit energy.

And I just want one of you at least to know that I'm moving on. I'm not gonna be making any more Trudies. You're the last Trudy, or whatever. You're moving on. I'm moving on, and I just want you to know that because I've learned a lot, and I just think there's some part of you

that is just never gonna be good enough. It always turns into this with us. It always turns into some absurd spectacle where you make a big scene and then I get embarrassed and I have to fix everything and I'm tired of it, but I'm gonna take what I've learned and I'm gonna use it to help our son. Of course, honey.

And I was wondering if you think that you will be able to find love again, you know, seeing as you haven't found it the first time, seeing as you tried to assemble somebody that could love you by taking who I was and tearing her into pieces. Get him. Get him. And that I never loved you.

And I wonder what that must've felt like to be trapped. But then I realized I was the one who was trapped, wasn't I? And I'm just wondering if you will find anybody to love that damp, puffy, virgin face of yours, because I don't think anybody ever will and you are not getting our son. I'm going to make something right. Well we'll see about that. You know it's always like this you always...

No. You always... He's distracting us. He's wasting our time. You're always acting like... well I don't want to say the word. I'm a gentleman so I'm not gonna say it But I think we know what it means and I think we know what it is. Can you open the door? I'm not gonna open the door. What do you want to do now? Let's go back to the room. The chamber access room. Okay, bye. I failed you Trudy. Yeah, we're leaving now. But I'm not gonna fail when I fix Timmy and I fix the weakness that you brought into him. Trudy don't listen to him. What are you?

You were version one and Once you're in the scrap heap I'm gonna go upstairs and I'm gonna find our son and he's gonna be version two and You know, I just think maybe he's got more potential. He's got more of me in him. He's got this soft side He's got this weakness that I think he got from you, but I've gotten so close with you with him I think I can really take it all the way. I think that he's gonna be perfect. And I think once I get-

Tucker, please. Please what? Please not Timmy. Please, just, you don't even have to, you can take him to somewhere else where he will just have a family and a whole life. Timmy is my family. You asked me if I have love, I love him.

I loved you, Trudy. I don't think you know what that means. I do, I loved you. I wanted to have the perfect family and you kept fucking it up. We tried and I tried again and again and again and again and again and it just didn't work. It just wasn't good enough.

Then maybe you're the one who's crazy, huh? Well, I'm the genius who's sitting here in the most incredible environment ever built. This is all thanks to me. I'm the smart one. You're just who you are. And I thought I could help you. I thought I could fix it, but I can't.

But I love our son just as much as I loved you. No, you clearly never loved me. Not the real me. And now I have other people for that. You're not getting Timmy. And I think you're distracting us. So I'm gonna walk away. Let's go, Trudy.

Bye, bitch. We're gonna go save Timmy, come on. As we're walking away, oh wow, you guys have some heavy shit going on now. You know, you were- It is, it's a whole thing. Sometimes it just feels like it just consumes me you were right about one thing, honey As he says that rounding the corner you see your daughter

She's covered in t-rex gore and viscera looking a little worse for it wasn't a robot I didn't think that the spider robot would win against a T-Rex. Yeah, I put all my money on this T-Rex. And its jaw is broken, and it's still trying to say, I love you. That's so weird. Mommy, come here. That's so weird.

And then it starts charging it. You want to shoot this? Yeah, I guess I might as well. Francis, take aim. Yes, I will. Are there doors to left or right? Like, are there guess I might as well. Francis, take aim. Yes, I will. Are there doors to left or right? Like, are there, get ready to dodge. Well, there's always the chamber access area.

Are we right next to chamber access? Yeah. Yes, it's right betwixt the two of you. You hip to the fact that Tucker was distracting you, so I will say that you have not gotten fully ambushed. This thing is still down the hallway. Great. Then, yes, while Francis takes aim,

I run to the closest door, which is the chamber access. Okay, so I got a 44 and my firearms is 38 So I'm gonna spend six luck. Okay 2d 6 plus 4 That's 13 damage Tiffany takes this bullet straight to like her Carapace and you see the bullet manages to find a weak point in her armor and it slides straight in you hear this Sparking noise and she groans in agony. She's just kind of like Wow good shots kid. Thanks. It's from my mental issues Okay, you hip to the fact that you were being distracted you have a surprise around on this thing

So why don't you all make a move? What are you guys trying to do you can get to the door the chamber access? Will maintenance door or whatever kill me you can try to fight this thing if you want to hold it off. I want to run into the door. I want to try to open the door and tell everybody to run in. Yeah, I want to run towards the door. You guys all make it to the door. Francis, you are behind because you used your turn to take a shot at this thing.

Okay. And it is going to take its turn and it is going to take a shot at Francis. With what? It's web shooters. Are they organic or are they a machine, though? They better be organic. The bottom part of her jaw extends then because it's kind of busted.

It just kind of falls off. And then almost like a megaphone looking apparatus kind of just pokes out of her skull and aims right at you, Frances. A blunderbuss. It just kind of like Rears back and unleashes this ear-splitting sonic scream straight at you like a little kid just stepped on a Lego times 10,000 Francis what's your constitution my constitution 25 how this spell works is that you burn a magic point? It's a spell, but it's you know it's a high-tech thing for this

So we'll call it like it's a power point like it's coming from our lithium power point But it's you know it's a high-tech thing for this so we'll call it like it's a power point like it's coming from her lithium power point These transitions she uses five Transitions between six slides she dissolved transitions between six slides each one of those does 2d 10 strength worth of force So I'm gonna go ahead and roll for her so she got a 53. Give me a constitution roll So I'm gonna go ahead and roll for her. So she got a 53. Give me a Constitution roll. Ooh, my Constitution is a 25 and I rolled a 23. Ooh, I'm gonna roll against that 53 I got for the Spell's Strength. Okay, so I rolled a 23 out of 53. Her super success beats your regular success and you get knocked the fuck out.

Oh no! Not only that, the Sonic Blast knocks you clean off your feet. You go sliding down the hallway and your unconscious body slides up to that door of the central control room. That was its turn, it is all of your turn again. You're all at the door, Okay, but he's got hit back. Your poor little sweet baby boy's back down at the end of the hallway, and Tiffany has not moved yet.

She had to rear herself up to fire that blast. Tiffany's like really focused on Trudy, right? Presumably, one would assume. She just kind of took out the main threat. So yes, that's the next thing you see is you see her eyes fall onto you, Trudy. It's a little flattering to be the main threat. Blake, you're up first. You have 75. Oh, hey, is this kid friend of ours? Yes. Yes. Yes, he's friend of us. Well, he was just, his dog did not like me and his toilet did not agree with me. I don't judge people by whether or not their dog's like me or not. He's a kid.

He doesn't need to be a friend. You're a grown man. Take care of the kid. He's our friend. He's a good person. Okay, well give me- He's a person. So we gotta take care of him.

Okay, then give me covering fire. This is just like- None of us have guns. This is true. But sure. You see the gun is lying on the ground where Francis got knocked out I will give you covering fire. This is just like when I fought in World War two All right Blake is gonna run to like slide to pick up the gun and return fire with it

No, Kelsey is impressed. She's like fine I think something who's gonna do something is a is even if he had to get a qualified first. Yeah. His free action to run over there and pick up the gun. What's your firearm skill? 25. Scurry. Give me a roll. Let's see if you 11. Oh, wow. Super success. Special boy. Super success. Super sick. And I will say because Blake Lively did fight in World War two He knows perfectly the operation of a car 98. Well, okay sure was he fighting for the other side Dead corpse picked up one on the dead He knows for example, it's a bolt-action rifle and it's not like the American one that went ping when it was done

Yeah, that's such a satisfying noise though 2d 6 plus 4 that would be 12 damage Okay, describe to me where you shoot it. I think I'm going for center of mass Okay, center of mass. I don't know how I got lucky with it. You yeah your eyes sort of drawn to where she's already sparking Yeah, and you managed to blast another shot straight through like a little tatter of the little Sunday dress She was wearing back when she was like a six-year-old girl and it pierces through six-year-old robot six-year-old Blam like another big chunk comes out of this thing She's sputtering and writhing like there's oil leaking out of her chassis right now And she's like kind of like staggering on her legs quick grab the kid Kelsey. It's your turn

Yeah, I'll go grab Francis. We make a great team Kelsey. Yeah, you're better at shooting six-year-old girls. You're fixing my toilet Francis was awake you'd be like why did, did you think, did you imagine that thing was my dog? Can we flash back to the Kelsey toilet scenario? Sure. Alright. Ding dong! Hello! Hi, okay, it's just right there in the back. Oh, wait, where? I'm working on my encyclopedia. And I'm plagiarizing it this time.

Ah, which way? Oh, in the back here. There's only one toilet, what do you mean? Just go in the back of the house. Lady, you're very confrontational. Yeah, you're 10 minutes late. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. My previous job, it got clogged up and I had to kick a dog.

Now I'm gonna watch you do the job after you just said that. Okay, yeah. I go and look at the toilet and I flush it. Yeah, it doesn't work. That's why I called you. No, no, no, but what's happening? Oh, it starts backing up more. It's like, oh, it's just, look, you're gonna That's why I caught you. No, but what's happening? Oh, it starts backing up more

Plunger I have one This is fucking riveting All right, so I want to plunge it 16 mechanical roll. That's a super success on my mechanical repair. Okay, you effortlessly Unclog it you unclog it. Oh, you know why it is. I unclog its papers. It's papers You tried to flush down the toilet apples. Um, okay. Well, you're great job. Here's your buddy. Yep That's just my toilet paper is a theme toilet paper Okay, and as I turn around like the wrench apple like a for apples

Oh, it's a coffee Yeah, yeah, and then as I turn around with the big heavy wrench on my belt it just spins around explodes your toilet Yeah, but I didn't fix it Yeah, hey lady you still still owe me. I fixed your toilet. But then you broke it. I was gonna remember you were good at your job. That was gonna be like a way we could bond, but no, you broke my toilet. Suddenly the T-Rex, still alive, but badly maimed, starts stumbling down the hallway. What would you like to do?

Well, I'm grabbing... I'm... The flashback... Hey, hey. The flashback did not interrupt my action. I was running towards Francis. I didn't stop mid running towards Francis to remember this moment. I am going to drag Francis by the feet and run back to the door. All right, you're back at the door. Trudy, what are you doing?

I am going to take a look at Tiffany and see if there are any weaknesses other than the damage that has already been done. If there's a kill switch on her or something like that. Oh, okay, that's sick. You don't need to roll for that. You see, it could only be the mechanical version

of her heart. Her sort of chassis has been blown away and exposed enough that she's got this like pumping mechanism that seems to be pushing oil and like it's a sort of a power generator and it's wide open. Are there like wires or anything? Yeah, it's like hooked up to wires.

It's like the central thing that seems to be keeping her alive. I am going to pick up Marbles and walk towards Tiffany. Hey. Oh, hey. All right, Marbles does claw deep into your hand. That's fine. OK. She's a robot.

I'm going to roll charm. OK. I'm going to say to Tiffany dearest daughter I got you something that you would just love the sweetest thing to hold and cuddle and he'll be yours all yours You see her eyes soften as she looks at this cat. All right, I'm going to roll. Throw the cat at the T-Rex. Start the fight again. OK, I succeeded.

My charm is 55, and I got a 27. Great. I am going to thrust marbles towards that hole in her where the wires are and see if he bites down on the wires. You're gonna goose the cat a little bit? Yeah, I pull a piece of fur out of his tail and it kills me. Absolutely, yeah. The cat hisses and just starts scratching and biting at the inside of this thing.

I'm gonna use the, they don't have a cat, but they do have a rat, which for a kitten seems like the closest size rat Just multiply everything by 1.25 Okay, oh Fuck yeah marbles got a super success on his attack, so he's gonna go ahead and roll some damage 1d3 get got a three thank God minus two which is Exactly how much health this thing had left. So with a little kitten claw,

Marbles the cat slashes at the beating heart of your erstwhile robot daughter. It just knocks like a screw loose, like the sort of pumping mechanism splashes open and it's just spraying fluid everywhere. Marbles gets some oil on his face. He's like, no! No, I don't like you. I will say, Marbles will remember this, it does not like you.

Okay, I- Especially does not like Trudy. I'm actually going to neglect Frances's wounds even though I have very high medicine and first aid and dedicate the rest of my entire life. Is this something Trudy would do or something Beth would do? I don't know what you're talking about! That cat will never forgive you, cats don't forgive. I don't know what you're talking about. Cats don't forgive. I don't know what you're talking about. I think Marbles will forgive me. So Marbles is hissing and scratching

and clawing at you. Marbles is actually going to get another attack on Trudy. Marbles got a 19. So another success. Marbles kills me. Another 3. So yeah, you take 1 damage from Marbles. Hey lady, give me my cat back. I'm so sorry.

I just needed to defeat my daughter, my robot daughter. And I'm so sorry, marbles. I just, I can't tell you enough how sorry I am. As you were apologizing to the cat, Tiffany crumples over. The light goes out from her eyes as this hideous robo-body just collapses onto the floor. You see the T-Rex roaring in rage behind it As it thunders off pissed that his quarry has been killed and sort of stomps off back down the hallways of this facility I guess as the light leaves Tiffany's eyes Trudy prepares herself to feel like grief and for like an immense like loss

But it doesn't come quite yet and she's shocked because she doesn't feel really anything. So you guys are going into finally the chamber access. You make your way down basically a little short flight of stairs. Sure enough there's the motor pool here. Trudy are you okay? I'm fine. I'm worried about Francis, and I'm worried about Marbles as well. To be quite honest. I think Marbles is okay. Cats get by.

Are you worried about Marbles, or are you worried that Marbles doesn't like you? Well, it would just be kind of unacceptable to me if Marbles didn't like me. I'm sure Marbles likes you. You see, give me a spot hit and roll. Only Trudy. 23, and that's a success. You see Marbles' two glowing eyes glowing back at you behind the fucking pterodactyl skull, and this guy does not like you.

Oh no. Can I smack Francis awake? Can I smack Francis awake? Sure. I think he just got knocked out, didn't do any damage to him. Well, I can roll first aid on him. Yeah. yeah, we all roll first day. I will roll first aid first aid roll Oh fuck I failed by two

I'm gonna push I'm gonna push my roll Oh, well, let me know don't spend like on Francis Or just let it all try all right, I'm gonna roll one more time I'm gonna push my roll Or this let me do it Okay, so you try to give Francis CPR you cracked one of his ribs So we'll write down that Francis has a cracked rib, but that wakes him up right doesn't wait Yeah, yes, it wakes him up the sheer excruciating pain of his cracked rib wakes him up Francis You wake up from a dream that happens when you do CPR correctly Happen when you do CPR correctly. That is true. It can also happen when you do it wrong.

Truly, truly, truly. He sustained these injuries from the blast. Oh, yes! The blast! So the line begins. Another line! I'm just trying to help you guys out! Jesus!

Team cohesion! Francis has a cracked rib. Go ahead and lie to Francis and we'll see if you succeed in lying to him. Francis, you got your cracked rib. Try not to laugh Having a blast Give me yeah, let's do persuade. I can roll against with psychology. Yes, you roll against it with your psychology Oh, I rolled very badly. I 95 out of 80. Well, I rolled very badly, so I didn't succeed at all. So you failed, but Trudy also failed?

I failed. My first weight is 30 and I got an 82. Okay, so you failed more than he failed. So he knows that you're lying when you say this. He doesn't know what happened. I will say this, because you don't know what happened, but you know Trudy is not telling you the truth. Trudy, why are you lying to me? I thought you were the only adult I could trust cuz you're a robot you can't lie

Because I broke your rib. I was trying to help you. I know I'm so sorry I had to do was tell me that I appreciate you were trying to help me Well, I didn't want you to be mad at me But sometimes we just lie because we're scared too even though we're adults. You're adults, you should be better than that! I know! I'm sorry!

Here's your gun back, kid! I took a shot and landed it. Oh! And that's the truth! He's telling the truth! Cool! That's what real adult looks like! Thank you! Yeah, you know what? I'm just gonna look after this guy now. This guy's my new role model. He kicked your dog. I'm gonna eat you.

I'm gonna eat you. I'm gonna eat you. Francis, son, take it slow. You don't remember everything yet. Sure. I love it. All right, you see all these jeeps. You see a door of this, like a much bigger version

of this vault door. Ooh, and it says welcome to Jurassic Park. It says welcome to Stasis Chamber on it it you see that the other lights are closed stasis chamber You mentioned that earlier on the thing so this is the thing that opens and when we close all the other doors you see Three lights for all three of the big faulty doors that open the chambers. They're all closed now Yes, somebody else did it One would presume this flapping t-rex tail slammed the door shut like yes So it could be Tucker, but I'm betting the t-rex's tail. It was waggling quite a bit

You're writing an encyclopedia lady Let's go inside this chamber. With a jeep. Let's get this butter. Let's load up under this jeep and get in there. I'll show you where the clearing was where the key. Okay. Let's get in the jeep though. Who's driving? Liz Cal. Oh, what Trudy? You wanna drive?

I just think that I could. Oh, wait. The way you said that sounds like you haven't driven before. Have you never driven before? Well I've driven. Oh my gosh. Now's the time. Wait, the way you said that sounds like you haven't have you never driven before? Well I've driven. Oh my gosh, now's the time. You're driving then. Okay, yes, and yes.

You're good. You can do anything you put your mind to, let's do it. Wasn't she a former race car driver? Yes. But I know there's really so many. Oh no, but as you sit down in the front seat, a sensation comes back to you and it's the love of the rumble of an engine and the acceleration of a car and

And somehow you're even though you don't remember driving your body seems to know how to turn on the engine start the clutch and get This baby in gear and you roll forward and I assume one of you opens the door to let the Jeep in Oh, wait, wait, stop stop stop. We got open the door for us. Okay, get out I open the door and get back in stop, stop, we gotta open the door first. Okay. I get out, I open the door, and I get back in the juke. Okay, as you open the door, this tableau once again slides in front of you, but instead of seeing a lush tropical canopy, and instead of seeing this dense wild jungle that you saw before, you see traces of civilization.

You see the jungle has been hacked back. You see roads. What? You see huts in the hacked back. You see roads. What? You see huts in the distance and the rise of smoke in the air. Oh my god, it's a fast time room. And then as you roll... We're a slow one and we're in the fast one. Oh god, don't make me think that.

As you roll the jeep in... We look around, make sure we know like, you know, people with weapons. You don't see anybody yet. Lady, do you see anything hidden? Nope? Nope? I think we're good drive slowly now walk in front of the the Jeep Okay, I'll get in the Jeep. Okay. She does have the demon inside her what no do you know? Oh, yeah That's probably something you should know dog kicker What's that this one has a demon inside of her

You know And then Francis puts a finger gun to his head Kelsey's worried about that as you go in yeah, you see like this seems to be the same environment, but it looks completely different This is crazy. I spent three weeks in here. Oh you did this in three weeks. No your po I did none of this wait wait. I was building a monument For pooping I had a pond you see monument Yeah, poor pooping big big toilet you mean a monument to pooping or you mean a monument that you they are going to both Well, let's see it. Let's see. Yes. I'd like to drive where it is I like to try it out. Wait, wait, wait really quick. This is not Zeus all speaking. This is Kelsey

That sounds really funny, but don't you think we should drive to the key? laughter Do you think we should drive to the word thing? You say you knew where the green key was right? Very convenient. It's right next to my poop pod. Well there we go. We're all happy on this road trip. That's great. Okay. As you drive through this strange countryside, you crest this hill and you see two things. One, you see that your poop pond has just like blossomed into like a rancid, horrible swamp. It's just, and you know just from the stench that like this could only be what has grown out

of this poop pond, a dense lush, just like it's the one still untamed dark part of this world that hasn't been broken by civilization yet. And then you see where you saw originally this capsule being buried, you see a temple and you see priests in robes and you see a crowd of people watching as a high priest ascends a set of stairs and at the top of the steps, there's a massive sculpture of this huge green key. And he lights a torch and lights a big bonfire beneath it.

This is some sort of ceremony honoring this key, this strange artifact. And as he lights up the key, he's a higher up now, and as I can kind of catch your sight line at the top of the hill, and he looks horror struck at at you and then he calls out to the crowd below and he says OUTLANDERS! I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies twisted in my mind

I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies Twisted in my mind and now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Thanks so much for listening. We've tabulated the votes and after 5960 responses with 54.5% of the votes. The winner is Walter and the Dads! Yay!

Speaking of dads, and by dads, I mean ads. If you're tired of listening to ads, then try the new hot thing, supporting independent artists directly. Starting at just 5 bucks a month, you get no more ads, way more stuff to listen to, and a whole bunch of other Patreon-specific perks like access to our Discord, our entire backlog of bonus one-shots, behind-the-scenes videos and miniseries, as well as Patreon-exclusive merch. That's at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth,

Will Campos as RDM, Beth May as TrulyTrived, and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Brian Fernandez as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis is our lead editor, and Travis Reeves provides additional editing. Thanks this week to our Patreon supporters by the names of Samuel Bailey, Noel H., Seth F., Jake G., Jake Collier, Gunfactor, Ashley Berkoff, Rapada, Isaiah Simon, Noel H., Zombie Bro827, Kyle, Emily Andresen, Jay King, Christopher Adamek, Chimichungus, Fabio Pellegrinelli,

Rayana Kond, GothicFairy, and Dylan Bone. Support the show, we get tons of content starting at 5 bucks a month directly on Patreon, patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. You can find our merch and more at DungeonsandDaddies.com. That's our website, and our next episode is December 3rd. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today