Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 17 - Pain-o-vision

Episode Date: January 28, 2025

Beat to hell from their fight with Tucker, our heroes heal up in some spooky Moth Man Goo Tubes - but in this sleep of tube, what dreams may come?!?This episode contains Violence, Profanity, Sexual Content.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will CamposKelsey Grammar is Matt ArnoldFrancis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth MayBlake Lively is Freddie WongTheme song is by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Who's that? Who's that? It's me, Skrippy. What? Skrippy? I'm the newest member of the podcast, Skrippy. Guys, I think we should cut Skrippy off of the podcast. No, we just cut Skrippy.

It looks Skrippy is Klippy's cousin who does podcasts. It looks like y'all are trying to go on a podcast. And I'm the newest member of the podcast. I'm Skrippy. I'm Skrippy. I'm Skrippy. I'm Skrippy. I cut Skrippy off of the podcast. No, we just got Skrippy. It looks like Skrippy is Clippy's cousin who does podcasts. It looks like y'all are trying to go on a podcast. I'm surprised Will's like Skrippy. Yeah, Will, what's going on?

Could you go? Well, you invited me here though. Yeah, but I thought it was going to be funny, but it seems like everyone's really upset with you right now, Skrippy. Well, I don't know what their fucking problem is. I'm just the newest member you right now, Skrippy. Well, I don't know what their fucking problem is. I'm just the new member of the podcast, Skrippy. You know what? I think there's an entire plethora of people out there listening and thinking Skrippy would be a beautiful name for a baby boy. It would be.

Skrippy interrupted Beth with me. She fits on this podcast. Well, you know how. Tumble all your Skrippy fan art to the Tumblr account, Dungeons and Daddies. Dungeons and Daddies, season three, we're getting loose with the concept because this season it's the Peachyville Horror. A Call of Cthulhu, actual play horror comedy podcast, about four everyday schmoes. Well, five everyday schmoes, one of which-

A bunch of Scrippies! I swear to God, I'll stop. For Everyday Shmoes, fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. Hey everyone. My name is Freddie Wong. I play deep-thinking plumber Blake Lively. This was Blake fact. Prior to becoming the town plumber, Blake was a handyman of sorts.

He was the town exterminator. Oh. Plumber Blake was a handyman of sorts. He was the town exterminator He's got some heat coming into this Insect exterminated my dog these are V mods you say yeah No when I was prepping the episode I could have really locked they locked in on it no I wanted to surprise Surprise grippy Hi, everybody. My name is Matthew Arnold I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest snappiest school marm. And you know what she always says?

What? Teaching's just like learning just in reverse. So just... You can just say you didn't have a dad fact. You can just admit that and we can pause and you can come up with one. I love that. Learning in reverse. You just have to be...

Which means like backing up in a car, you got to be a little bit more careful when you're doing it. means he's got to be, he's learning in reverse, he's got tenet, dude. Which means like backing up in a car, you gotta be a little bit more careful when you're doing it. Wow. You gotta be careful. This is so Christopher Nolan's tenet killed. Thank you. I can't get over how much this reminds me of all the backwards shenanigans going on in tenets. And now that I have a fact,

I have three facts. I do a little phrase, that's fun. People like that, it's a little phrase that get people into my character. The phrase is my favorite part. Yeah, see, and I got a fact, and this time I got two facts because indeed I'm making a promise. I know I suck people out I suck the big fans last week that love senses with that little fake out, but now I am doing the senses

So Kelsey's favorite and least favorite smells her favorite smell is fresh chalk. Yep Just a blackboard getting ready to just calcium carving this Straight into the blackboard straight into the alveoli and least favorite smell is wet peanut butter But it's because Milton never cleans up his dishes and when he's gotta take out the trash, he's always hanging around outside Kelsey's place. And she just, the white peanut butter also lets her know that Milton's outside. Wait, where is, wait, what?

Hold on, wait, so. She's in the back house and they take the trash out of the back house. With the dirty dishes? No, because they got these, I don't, I don't know what Milton's doing with that white peanut butter. No, that's a good question. That's a good question. That's a good question.

Kelsey's ever considered, why is the smell of wet peanut butter leaving the kitchen sink and coming out towards the fucking back of the trashes? What's Milton doing with it? Don't like it. Bad smell. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I play Francis Varnsworth, a kid with a gun and his dad fact is

he loves comics. But not the normal superhero comics and stuff that you're all used to he likes to read Sort of under the radar got cancelled after one to two issues Underground comics a little bit underground not full on like But Robert Crumb! What?! Adult comics?! Scrippy commissioned Robert Crumb to do weird, creepy comics about him. We got like that weird little Robert Crumb style to him. What kind of comics? So I'm gonna give you five comics and one of them will be made up. And you have to tell me which one.

Fighting Leathernecks. Wait till I'm done. Girl Confessions. Men. Patsy and Hetty. Space World. Space World's made up. Men is fake. Tell it to the Marines. Oh, so there's six. Oh, is that six? Yeah. I think Space World's made up. I'm gonna go with Space World as well. Men is fake. Tell it to the Marine Wheels. Men's real.

I don't want to live in a world- Men are real, Beth. Men, men, men, men. Beth is once again the only intelligent person on this podcast. No! No! I can't accept a world where there wasn't a comic called Men. I mean there was one called many in action, but men is definitely better. Well dang stay tuned I'm looking at like guys. I'm looking at Wikipedia I've got a great comic book idea for you I gotta say finding out there's no comic named men is kind of finding out like store.com is available like we got Come on guys

We can get out of this I'm looking at Wikipedia I'm looking at Wikipedia I'm looking at Wikipedia I'm looking at Wikipedia I'm looking at Wikipedia great comic book idea for you. There's no comic named men is kind of finding out like store.com is available. Like we got, like, come on guys. We can get out of this. Are you serious? What a blind spot. We can make this comic today.

Hi, my name is Beth May. Hi Beth May. And I play Trudy Trout, a robot doding, no, I'm not doding, why fuck that guy. Robot, home of the mother of one beautiful child. And, alright, call in my shot right now. Like, Beirut, if Trudy survives this episode,

she will go on to invent the dance, the robot. Wow, we need to reclaim her trauma and her story. And then a cute little fact in case she dies or otherwise. She's going to die. She's fine. I'm literally unconscious and about to die. With Mothman. With Mothman.

What's Trudy's favorite part of seeing a play? The program. Oh, god damn it. That's a good one. That's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. That one's really good. Intermission? Is that. That's a good one. That's a good one. Oh, that's a good one. Intermission?

Is that something? No. Very good. Very good. Ten out of ten. Hi, everyone. I'm William Campos, and I am your official dungeon master. My fact, my creepy fact.

And what are your creepy fact? They scare me. Is that a mayor is a malicious entity in German and Slavic folklore that walks on people's chests when they sleep, causing sleep paralysis. Ooh. And also, fun fact, this is where the term nightmare comes from.

Is this spooky little creature that would come at night and sit on your chest and make it so you can't move and you think your coat rack is a demon. Wow. I just have to say, if you Google image search mare, M-A-R-Eare the first one is just a horse This is the biggest unit of a horse This is actually the spooky Scandinavian origin of the creature known as mare of Easttown. Oh

My gosh in the vape and the vape pen. Yes. Wait quickly quickly. Have you guys got sleep paralysis? Oh, yeah No, I conquered it. You conquered it? Yeah. How? The power of my mind. I don't believe that's true. It's like all diseases that Freddy conquers. Yeah, that's fair.

He doesn't need medicine. He just wills it. Freddy just does so many searches. I only got it once, but I fucking remember that shit. I got it a couple of times, yeah. That's scary as hell. I had it once as a young kid. Never like that, but I had it once as a young kid.

That was terrifying. Do you ever have those dreams where like something is attacking you and you try to punch it and you feel your arm just like Yeah, as you throw the punch or something. No, it actually happens to me all the time. Yes, I am Sounds like you get some punch training Analysis would be that you need to get your punch training and allegedly it's your brain being like don't move all your sleep That's only tell your stupid brain would be that you need to get your punch training in. Allegedly it's your brain being like, don't move while you're asleep. Oh. And slowing you down that way. That's only until your stupid brain that you have to defeat this monster.

It's your brain wishing it was in a fucking Zack Snyder speed ramp fight scene. All right. OK. All right. Let's do it. All right. Let's go on a scary adventure.

Woo. OK. Woo. ["DRAG OUT FIGHT"] When last we left you guys, there was a knockdown drag out fight in the house of the trouts where upon Tucker Trout got his face pretty well blown off by Francis and his car 98 Brunhilde. Trudy conquered some inner demons.

The original Trudy in a harrowing sacrifice used a robot body of another Trudy guy that got complicated and blew up the house to buy you all precious time to escape through a portal recently opened by one Moth Jesus aka Mothman. I would also like to clarify that technically Tucker died to a slit throat from Trudy so I don't think Francis gets the credit for that kill. He doesn't get the credit. He gets the assist. Trudy got the last hit. It was sort of an alley-oop maneuver. Yeah, Francis is really the Scotty Pippin of Call of Cthulhu. And we have one of the three keys, correct? You now have the green key, which

is one of the three keys you need to activate the weapon that will destroy the mother of Zuzelle. Perhaps save this town. Nay, this plane of reality as we know it. It was all looking really grim. You guys were surrounded by members of the bison cult in this quaint suburban home And then this portal opened up and Mothman brought you all through it before we dive in let's do a health point roll call

Oh, it's like like how much all you got I'm sitting at 2 HP Francis 3 3 3 0 damn do we got Yes, Trudy is unconscious. Okay, Can we check our sanity too? Oh yeah, roll call. Roll call, sanity as well, sanity. 44. Check. 47. Check. 85.

Wow, hyper sane. Dang, dude. 72. Francis, your sanity is 40, my dog. Yeah, same thing. Yeah. Trudy's unconscious as is Timmy. Who is carrying who?

Francis is carrying Timmy. Francis is carrying Timmy. Who's got Trudy? Trudy was carrying Kelsey. I think we were ambiguous about Who is carrying who? Who rest is who? Francis is carrying Timmy. Francis is carrying Timmy. Who's got Trudy? Trudy was carrying Kelsey. I think we were ambiguous about who was carrying who. Mothman. Oh yes, yes, Mothman is, if none of you are, then Mothman gently scoops

unconscious Trudy into his arms and hops through the portal. As you step through, you find yourself in the lair of the moth. Wow. Where Trudy has already been, but she cannot explain it to you, but this is what you see. Shag carpeting.

Nobody can be told. You're basically in a big underground cavern. There's a lake down here, strange lights emanating from below it. And there's this huge cocoon-like spaceship jutting halfway out of the water. Light is warping around its surface, kind of like an oil slick. Mothman sort of steps out of this portal and looks at

all of you. This is literally just like in Madame Web when she goes back to the jungle. This is it's like the Madame Web jungle hideout. Oh it is the jungle hideout with the water that makes you Madame Web. Yes. But the spies were worth it mom. Yep. Moth Jesus using his antennae because both of his arms are holding Trudy James's a little speech device up to his neck and says come with moth Jesus quickly And he just starts running across the water And you see like these little like sort of light force fields on the water as he runs with Trudy towards this Spaceship team hello quick question you know here. What the fuck. Oh, yeah, we saying Trudy

We can't follow you first. I just try to run across the water too. I guess okay great. I do yeah It's like there's like a force field like you realize as you step There's like some sort of invisible force field leading from this He runs with the same sort of joy that Elthabel runs when she's leaping across the prairie in a wizard and I she can't Believe she's running on water. Blake takes steps and says, this sort of undercuts the abilities of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Yeah, are you Christian?

Take a sanity roll. Give me a sanity check. Francis is also Christian, so he will as well. Is this the first D&D podcast to do two Christian sanity rolls? I hope so. I hope so. Francis failed.

Francis got a 63 sanity roll out of 40 sanity I got 100 critical failure. Oh, no Okay, so you've gone temporarily insane what the hell Which again is not what should be happening we have transcended space and now I learn that Jesus Christ is not really that big of a deal. A mere insect can do what our Lord and Savior, who died for our sins, is able to do. This is simply too much for Blayden. Okay, so for the rest of the scene you're an atheist now. There is no God. Very clearly, I have seen as once we were able to be gods to the big foot and also the robots and also this

guy called himself a moth and he's Jesus and there is no god. No what if every species has their own and we just been mothed Jesus. Blasphemy, blasphemy. We must go to the simplest solution is simply that there is no god and we are all deceiving ourselves. So yeah we'll say that Francis, for failing your sanity, will your conception of what Christianity is has opened up a little bit.

Maybe the other, maybe it's all, you know, there are gods we're trying to kill, and then there's the real god, and then there's the moth god. Exactly. It could be anything. You're saying a pantheon, a pantheistic existence. So while you two are having this heated theological thing. I think he also turns around and just goes to like reach your hands

I said guys come on. We got fall tree and I hold hands on the water. You can walk on it Just close your eyes and follow me oh like blind faith. Yeah Okay Absolutely not are finally open. My eyes are open for the first time. Look, Francis, behind us. One set of footprints. That's because we all walked in single file.

Could this not be also the case with the beach and with the Jesus? Yeah, that would just mean there's multiple Jesus. Oh my god. Or is there even one? do you follow into the spaceship? There's a spaceship that oh, yeah, I missed that part. I was saying there's a big cocoon like spaceship Oh, I didn't catch that. Okay. Yes, he runs across the water towards a big cocoon like space Can we really good what flavor of spaceship are we talking about? Yeah, but I'm like is it 1950s like long dart looking spaceship is it like a saucer?

Is it the one from Independence Day? I'll tell you what it is. It's like if David Cronenberg did a Moth spaceship It's weird it's bulbous Like the Cylon ships that are the Cylons themselves. Yeah, yeah kind of organic I remember what you're talking about like the gun from existence you run into the existence a spaceship I'm having an existential kind of moment myself The inside of this thing is like you know, there's like these high sloping walls, it's very curvy in here Is it wet? It's not wet, but the ground is like a little spongy You can't tell if this is like metal or it's organic Well, it's definitely not metal give it spongy. Yeah, but could be like a spongy metal some sort of spongy moth metal

You're crazy. What else am I learning that bird on tick-tock who can tell what things are made of? There's like this parrot on tick-tock and Like his owner just gives him things and he taps his beak on it and he's like metal But like but the owner knows the owner knows what the thing The owner need this parrot to tell him what he already knows well because it's weird because like the parrots not just mimicking things It's like it understands that that's metal So you step into this mysterious spaceship. It's not metal.

There's sort of like... Any parrot could tell you that. What are you talking about, Link? Yes, it's utterly alien. There's this kind of serenely calm in here. You see a bunch of like old junk all over the place. There's like old paperback books. There's like magazines.

There's like old pottery going back seemingly centuries. Just kind of scattered all over the place. It's like kind of like a real nest in here. This place is is kind of a dump you see Mothman has already stepped into an area Of the ship that looks like it must be some sort of Medical chamber is the closest you could think up to it and he slams true not slams. He sets Trudy down on this Slams Trudy down on this table you all gasp for a second, but then the sponginess of the metal Trudy down on this table you all gasp for a second, but then the sponginess of the metal cushions Her body and as he's looking over he says time is of the essence. She is dying I must repair her but you you are all mouth. Jesus can tell very harmed. You are damaged. Yeah, I mean in many ways

Yeah, yeah, how do we help Trudy? She's I mean I will tend to Trudy You must heal the hour of the hole draws near only you can stop The hour of the hole That's fucking crazy. Yeah, also who who are you? Yes, who the fuck you? Right, yes, and then are you did you go into Francis's house? Yes. Oh Yes, you did He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! He killed it! and Moth Jesus' voice as he realizes he's gonna have to explain a lot of stuff to you that he didn't really think he was gonna have to explain to someone and he goes, Uhhhhhhhhh, time is of the essence, you may either heal right now in this weird tube. And he points to, there's like six tubes in here that are like goo tubes and if you step into them saying you can heal yourself.

Okay hold on one second. Moth Jesus can tell his tale. Well, would you like tell us while we're in the tube here and there I mean, I have no problem going to heal. I just want points for I feel like we're being pretty progressive Just allow it just like A lot of questions here and we're doing says one When we talk next like, you know like steps right up to Matthew. I used to kill pieces of shit like you Well, we know of you play play play

Slayer of mods and also a sort of other uses moth Jesus her mites and other manner of But Jesus cares not for termites pets wait moth juice. Are you Jesus of actual moths? No, well, are you wait? Yes That's what I was going with is the name that she gave me and he like sort of like, oh no It's her cheek with like But she is dying and I must tend to her Jesus must save Trudy Trudy strong Trudy wise wait, so you you- You promise you can save her, right? Yes, Moth Jesus has done so once before.

She opens this cupboard and like just a bunch of like rusty parts of other Trudys. Oh my God. Just tumble out and he starts rooting through them. He's just trying to figure out what he's gonna fix her with. He's killed all this other Trudys. He's gonna kill her. Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, we must plan.

Woman, yeah? What? Oh, right, yes, right, looking at you, man. We must plan for every eventuality. If this insect creature is in fact evil, we must kill it. And then Tenet turns towards you and he looks at you and he just... And then he walks over to another pile of junk and pulls out the bowling trophy. And you took our bowling trophy He slams it on the ground, there's like a sort of liquid shimmering in it

and he bites into his hand and just sort of tears at it and then like some blood of his drips into the liquid and it starts to shimmer Gaze into the liquid Oh Ah, what, okay And then he just goes back to fixing um, Trudy Okay, as long, guys I just, we can't let Trudy die and Can I see what he's kind of like, and then he just goes back to fixing um Trudy okay as long guys

I just we can't let Trudy die and can I see what he's kind of like what is he doing? She got bit by this monster essentially by the robot and she's unconscious and he's like looking for parts to fix her okay And the liquid is like it's just like an old bowl I guess it's a mystery goo that is in the trophy and he just dripped his blood into it and now seems to be glowing That is in the trophy and he just dripped his blood into it and now seems to be glowing ethereally You guys want to take a look? I think I want to keep an eye on him until trudi is safe and then i'll step into the goo healing chamber I will hazard a look into this other goo chamber inside the bowl Yeah, do you mind if we just we really care about trudi and like obviously we'll heal ourselves and also like i'm working on a little

Encyclopedia and doctoring is kind of next so like I could just watch what you're doing Okay, i'm taking notes and watching it prepare a truity. The section on doctoring in this encyclopedia is gonna be so fucking wrong. So, Freddie, you gaze into the liquid, though. I will hazard a gaze. All right, so as you gaze in, we do a little, God, I'm so fucking screenwriter-pilled,

all I can think of is stupid like we push in and then we push It's a Yeah, just throw some crazy Walk across water we didn't do anything Yeah, but I wasn't describing camera movements while you did that you know I mean that's what I'm saying I'm with well that is one of my pet peeves when people are like, we reveal, we see. And it's like, no, just say what it is. We reveal, that can mean anything.

As you gaze into the shimmering liquid in the trophy, your eyes glaze over and you behold a vision. You see before you a smog, smoky, pollution-filled alien world ravaged as thousands of moths, these moth people, buzz about, millions of them. A vision of a whole world you behold it in your eye. Where is the smog coming from?

It's not like car smog, but it's just a weird, hostile atmosphere of this planet. It's thick with a haze. Through the haze you see these moths buzzing around. You see their whole world, their whole civilization flooding your senses as memories of this culture and this people come to you. And you realize as they realize that their sun is dying. We all have one sun! You realize that the nearest star to them, the star, the light in the sky that they worship. Which they're flying towards at all times.

Which they are flying towards at all times through their orbit is on the verge of going supernova and they need a new world to settle. So they send- There's definitely a bunch of moths who are like, no, no, no, no, this is going to be good though. Like when it goes supernova it's going to be the best time it's ever been for us. They send emissary ships out through the universe, each with a moth in them, and then blast them through space and time and over the course of millions of years

They travel to various worlds throughout our many go into other Suns it's kind of fucked up and one of them finds the light of our world and lands millions and millions of years ago in the past and using the advanced technology of this ancient Moth civilization using the advanced technology of this ancient moth civilization creates a progenitor race. A progenitor race of these ape-like mammalian creatures with hyperintelligence, knowing that one day they will grow and evolve and pollute and ruin the atmosphere of this world, such that the moths can settle here once more and call it their home. And that moth is of course Moth Jesus, the moth you've been following. The steward and caretaker of the terraforming virus race that was brought here to Earth,

known as the Humans. And that's what he's been doing here this whole time. If he made us, that means he's like real Jesus. We don't even have to separate him into a moth pantheon. You're right. He made us to destroy us. So wait, does this vision give any insight into what happens after we become, you know, pollute the hell out of this place?

No, well, I mean, that hasn't happened. But like, you know, forward-looking projections. Forward-looking projections. Yeah, what are they saying at the Moth Quarterly? I feel like he... Yeah, I think... Blake as an adult with a critical thinking skill could figure this out. You can take it from there, Freddy.

Blake can draw whatever conclusions his now atheist mind wants from this vision. If there is no God, who created the moths? What? The moths created the moths? Oh no, no, I'll say this. You see it a little bit more. Which is you see Moth Jesus watching over our society for over thousands and thousands of years, occasionally intervening when it seems we're on the brink of- Ooh, give me some good examples.

There's a lot of stuff he didn't stop, but he could've stopped. But he wants us to destroy ourselves. He only intervenes when it seems like humanity is truly on the brink of destroying itself entirely. So two world wars, that really- That didn't count. Not a big one there. Well, you know, you mean the- Couple of atomic bombs being dropped.

He came up with D-Day. There you go, there you go, there you go. You see him sinking the Lusitania so that the- We came up he came up with D-Day You see him sinking the Lusitania For real all these disasters that seem like disasters were just him altering the course of history Just him being like make sure Francis Ferdinand had to turn his car over when a moth hit his windshield Yeah, he's sitting there at the Hindenburg being like who me when a moth hit his windshield. Yeah. Dude, he's sitting there at the Hindenburg being like, who, me? But now he's become aware of a new threat to humanity

in the form of Project Heartland, which is why he's taken Roost here. And he's been intervening, trying to stop their schemes, starting with taking this trophy that they were trying to pass off to their agents in Peachyville. What's so special about this trophy? Well, I mean, it's allowing you to do what you're doing now. It allows you to see into the past and see into other places.

Hey, that's a crazy thing to win just from bowling good. Blake, Blake! Open your hand and let some of your blood go into the bowl. Oh yes, good idea. Francis, you give me your Boy Scout pen knife. Here it is. And I put my blood in the bowl now. Okay.

Does it do anything? Yeah. And I stare into it. You tell me. You're looking at your own history now. Oh. Oh. But it's intermingled with like every so often

just different, like my mom and dad are moths. Yeah, it's, yeah. This is not my injury. This is a little bit mixed up. Go ahead and tell us the entire story of Blake Lively's life. Blake started as's life. So we started out as a cat. Here's my thought. Blake Lively is somewhere in idyllic, you know like Sound of Music?

Yeah. Like idyllic ass mountains and fields, like just frolicking. And there's moths like everywhere, way too many moths that you would expect. And then World War happens. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Munched a little gas mask. That'd be so cute.

Aw. And all of a sudden, it's his, uh... Oh, sorry, let me think. We're in 1950, so that would be... So you're in a field. What? You're in a field. But now the field...

Now! So far you were in a field, and then World War I happened. You're just in a field. No age, no family, no contacts. Hey, this is what... And then World War I happens. This is just in a field, no age, no family, no contacts. And then World War I happens. This is what happens when you mix up the things.

It gets a little abbreviated and more moth flavor, you know? There's just a lot more bright light sources just lying around and just sort of staring at it. And then what happens? And then Blake goes, like a big border. Then World War II happens. Then they just get this world. No, you're back into a different field, then World War II happens. Get this. Well now the first field now it's got

shells everywhere dude. And a sign saying no, you can't go here and Blake's like ah my homeland. Which one? We don't know. We don't know. We know the Germans took it over and said you can't come here so that narrows it down. They ruined it. And then

guess what well a Second World War didn't see that one fucking coming Blake fighting now in another field lot of World War two happening in fields You know fighting it's Yeah, if you think about it, what's happening feel Maybe we bet in fields. Maybe we should get rid of fields. Throughout history, some of the biggest

wars and battles have taken place in fields. That hits me right in the fields. And then now Blake is on... I feel like I know less about Blake after this flashback. This flashback is for me! This flashback is for me! Now Blake is on a steam ship

with a little hat and he's coming to America. Don himself could not sink this ship. And he waves at the Statue of Liberty. What character are you gonna call back? The Statue of Liberty, baby. Yeah, Don, cause that's where he's coming in. And then now he sees original Tony Collette

diving into the water after getting shot by his parents. Yeah, exactly. And then Ellis Island, they're like, what's your name, love? And you're like, Ray Skywalker. Wait, wait, wait, wait. There's an old British lady at Ellis Island taking people in. Well, should I love? Welcome to America. Welcome to America.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, Anthony. What? That's how they say in Titanic I was just copying what you were doing and you made fun of me for it. Yeah, I did. I'm sorry But if Blake was Frolicking the field before World War one yeah, how old is 20? Was frolicking it was his parents Fucking in a moth filled field Hills were alive hills were alive all right, and then your dad died World War one and your mom raised no Oh, you didn't see any of that

The mods are kind of blurring my past a little bit okay now so glad we did this Important detail he's living in some real shit hole in the city and he gets a newspaper article that says, come to Peachyville, it's like a planned community, and Blake goes, that looks like a better place than here, and he looks around the place full of mods, but are they real? Or just a figment of this strange black fat?

He saw a picture of Peachyville and it looked like a field, and he went, oh, I like fields. Don't fuck. Hey, Trudy. And then you see Trudy and the three of us You didn't even do that if he saw a picture of Peachyville and it looked like a field and he went like, oh I like fields. Hey Trudy. And then you see Trudy and the three of us are trying to come up with a birthday party. We're like, what theme should we do for Blake? I don't know, probably just like fields. Like fields I guess. It's fields with a nice field theme birthday party for Blake. So then he settles in Peachyville and loves it here.

Ah, my whole story in the nutshell. Beautiful. Well, I guess in the trophy. Regardless, you now know what Moth Jesus is doing here. I'm assuming Blake just told us everything. I tell you that Moth Jesus- As he was watching it, you were hearing him speak. Like, he was zoned out and just explaining everything he saw.

So, I mean, you're helping us, but you're only helping us so that we can destroy ourselves later in a different way. Yes. Oh. But that will happen millions of years from now. Yeah, that's a later problem, I think. Okay, no, that's fine. I just want to understand. So you're like, enemy of- Wait, so you're like, wait, hold on, to be clear. Moth Jesus wishes to stop the powers that be

from ruining this world, because it is our world. And you want- And the moths shall reign. And to be clear, you're a big fan of leaded gasoline. Yes. Okay, interesting. Their atmosphere has a high, a lot of lead in it, yes. That's what you got from the fight.

Yeah, I don't know if we can blame Moth Jesus for this. He's still one man of sorts. We can't blame him for everything that's happening on Earth. Seems like European people put a lot of responsibility on each of you. You're kind of a stressed out worker, huh? Moth Jesus' life is a lonely one. I sit in the shadows, watching... Blowing up zeppelins? Blowing up zeppel blowing up zeppelin's watching

humanity grow in my way I have come to care for them oh great well speaking of caring for them can you yes that's what I'm trying to do okay that is what Moth Jesus tries to do but you distract Moth Jesus get in the tubes it's a YouTube if you will wait we're gonna watch you fix Trudy first. We're gonna watch you fix Trudy first. Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. You see him? He makes those sounds. He goes doop, doop, doop, doop.

Because Trudy should get in the tube too, right? Trudy is special. Yeah, she is. Trudy is different. She's a friend. She is made of metal. Observe, and he presses a button on her and like her whole torso pops open.

Metal. And we're doing a bunch of fucking gears and shit. And he's like, the tube is not for Trudy. I just pointed out a random part of Trudy's insides. I was like, what is that tube? Don't I just pointed a random part of Trudy's insiders like what's that to don't touch that touch not the glows orb cue Glows orb Kelsey's gonna get a tube, but she's like sticking B E Glowzorb. All right, Kelsey's gonna get in the tube, but as she's like sticking in the tube. But wait! Why are you getting in the tube?

Moth Jesus must caution. Okay. The tube heals, but the tube also changes. Oh strange things Strange visions shall be had in the tube, but healed you shall be. Like cup visions? So the cup is like the tube without the healing part It could be iterative design I started with the cup tube awakens potentials and Possibilities within one's nature. Okay, Trudy you bring into the tube only what you take with you This guy really likes tubes huh? I mean yeah, I can't help okay

Well, I will hurt so agree with you. I slip into the tube I'm doing like the eye thing like I'm watching you as I like slip down into the tube Okay, Blake Lively strips fully butt naked you do it okay That's gonna be an easy roll give me a bonus roll bonus roll I got 50 I don't know how you spot hidden decide isn't whatever but yes sure was the age gap between Kelsey and Blake So like millennial age gap or Gen Z age gap Like just see we got me within two years of each other Let's wade into this discourse

Francis is gonna go into a goop pod as well as a YouTube and then you guys also pod for me It's like an iPod As Kelsey's going down like she's like wait, did we have to get naked no Okay as you step into this goo you feel like this cold slimy Viscous substance sort of slide all over you and you submerge into it, your bodies seem to merge with it. It's almost like the way in like a chrysalis, like a butterfly dissolves. Oh no.

In its reform. That hurts probably. Yeah, ow. No, it doesn't hurt, it's like, but it's surreal. And you feel your consciousness set free. This is like the one time I ate mushrooms in that field. Oh, that's why you spent so much time in that fucking field.

You, so much field in that fucking field. You... So much field lore. You each undergo... Sally, field's over here. That's what I call a field trip. Ooh, that's good. Ooh, that's a good one. Each of you undergo an experience.

Who would like to experience their experience first? Ooh, I shall experience my experience. Excellent. Kelsey, you open your eyes and you are in your childhood bedroom. It's like a peaceful, quiet Sunday morning. Give me an intelligence roll. I'm a child, so I fumbled that. I've got 96.

Okay. You are convinced that everything that just happened to you is a horrible nightmare And you're actually a child and you just woke up from the strangest nightmare. You're a middle-aged teacher As you sit there gathering your wits you hear the doorbell, okay Yeah, I'm gonna run down and go see who's there you step out of your door. It swings open and Before you can get there you see your parents answering the door door swings open And there's a stern looking young army your parents answering the door. The door swings open, and there's a stern-looking, young army officer standing at the door

in his dress uniform, and he's got a package with him. And just from the look on his face, your father breaks down sobbing, because they know what this is. They know what's happened. They know that their son, John, is dead. We cut to, not cut to, you blink. Nature's cut.

Nature's cut. You're sitting there sobbing at the kitchen table. Your parents are trying to talk to you, trying to, you blink. Nature's cut. Nature's cut. You're sitting there sobbing at the kitchen table. Your parents are trying to talk to you, trying to explain what happened. That your brother John was shot through the chest at a place you've never heard of called Vimy Ridge. And in the back of your mind, something about that seems wrong.

Something seems strange. You were like, didn't he die at Verdun? What happened? What's going on? And they're showing you now his uniform and it has this clean hole straight through where his heart would be yes and this didn't happen mom it's okay it did happen honey it did happen and we need to accept it but it's gonna be hard and we're gonna have to be brave

together and I know that John would have wanted you to have this too and she hands you your charm bracelet but the bracelet as you look at it it's garbled like it's like trying to read text in a dream. Like, it doesn't make sense. Like, there's something about it that's shifting. It seems sharp. Like, it hurts you when you touch it. You feel this twinge of pain as you reach out to it.

And then you open your eyes again, and you're at that table now, an adult with John, grabbing him, warning him that he gets shot through the heart at Vimy Ridge. But as you're trying to say it, you're like, no, that's wrong. It's at Verdun. it's at Verdun. You snap back and you're in your bedroom again, your child again, and the loop continues. Now his uniform is ripped through the stomach. You're telling him that he caught shrapnel at Passchendaele.

You hear that doorbell ring again and again. You hear your father sob. You see yourself warning your brother over and over, naming dozens of battlefields as you describe all manner of gruesome death to him. A grenade at Passchendaele, artillery fire at the 100 Days Offensive, sniper fire on a risky night raid at the St. Quentin Canal. And you feel that bracelet, that charm bracelet, twitching, glitching, digging tighter and tighter into your wrist. The loop gets faster and faster, a blur of images, a whirlpool of grief and pain.

You feel yourself getting sucked into something deeper and deeper and darker and faster than you could possibly comprehend. And then you feel a strong, ice-cold arm grab you from behind, and you wake up. Oh. You're in a bed again. Oh. A big Victorian four-post bed, like in a big gothic mansion

out of Pride and Prejudice or something like that. Candles are twinkling everywhere around you. There's a fire roaring in the fireplace. Not bad for a teacher's salary. You look down, you see you're wearing a billowy sleeping gown, and you hear harpsichord music playing downstairs. Oh yeah, and the glitchy charm bracelet is still sort of digging into you. It's like a different house.

Completely different. You're in a huge mansion. It feels like timeless, but you know, it has the feel of like a 17th century gothic manner I will go slowly Peek around to see what's making that music you follow the sound to the door and as you open the door you see this long Corridor stretching out into darkness. There's one of those old fucking candle labras if you want to grab it You like one of those is it dark in the hallway? Yeah if you want to grab it, you know, like one of those. Is it dark? In the hallway?

Yeah. Oh, then I'll grab the candle. I'm just trying to paint the scene. Yeah, then I'll grab the candle. So as you walk down this mysterious hallway, you pass this line of portraits that seem to portray ancient warriors and powerful magicians, strange beings.

Powerful magicians. Powerful magicians. Lance Berger. David Copperfield. Doug Henning. Blind freak. Chris Angel. Lance Birkin. David Copperfield. Doug Henning. Line freak! It's signed? Is Chris Angel at sides?

Like to my number one fan. And you see other portraits of what seem to be heroes and warriors from species strewn across the galaxy that you've never even seen before. Okay, this is a joke. Hello? The music stops for a second and then continues playing. Well that's rude. Hello? I know you heard me. Well, that's rude. Hello?

I know you heard me. Yes, I did hear you. You hear the voice of Zuzel calling to you from below. Come to me, Kelsey. We have much to discuss. His voice echoes down the hallway. Can you come here? I mean, I'm OK.

It's just like you're like a god or whatever. I'm a little scared. I find myself a little frozen in place right now. That's fair Kelsey. You hear the harpsichord stop and you hear the piano bench scuffling and then you hear footsteps coming up these stairs. And you see this shadowy, twisting form of Zuzele stepping closer and closer to you in the shadows and the light. And then as he comes forward, again, from the painting you remember, he had this sort of like non-Euclidean writhing mass of muscle was what you remember. Now that writhing mass of muscle sort of like clad

in like a silk shirt, like a billowy silk shirt. He's got pants on, he's got like, he just looks like he's out of a Gothic romance novel or something like that. His face, his hideous face he's covered with a golden mask. And he steps up to you and says, you've awoken, have you recovered? I mean, no, I'm healing in the tube and now I'm here.

What do you want with me anyways? Can we undo, like I just wanted, what are you gonna do with me? I saved you and now I wish to explain. Come with me and he just walks off down the hallway. All right. Thank you. You walk into the hallway and you just, you find yourself standing at the edge of a long stairwell

descending into the biggest library you've ever seen. Just rows and rows and rows of ancient tomes of all manner of knowledge that you could possibly ever want to read just surrounds you. Have you read all these? Yeah, it's no big deal. Whoa, what? I don't keep books that I haven't read, do you?

I just grabbed the first book. Yeah, yeah, why not? You might read them again. You grabbed one of the books? Yeah. That's a good... I'm overwhelmed. So many books.

It's the Prima Strategy Guide to Myst. Whoa, that's how you beat it! You don't need to worry about the blue or red pages. This is so tale as old as time coded. Roll a D100 for me. 25. All right, what book do I get? Okay, Matt, I'm not, I'm not shitting you. You grab this book and it seems to be written in Greek, but for some reason you can understand it and the title says Necronomicon. Oh, oh. Wow. This is a... Is this V? I look at it, I look at it, I look at it. Is this V?

Comma V. So yes, it's this horrible, ancient tome of dark and lost secrets and forbidden knowledge, and if you'd like to thumb through it, normally you'd have to spend weeks studying it, but for the price of one sanity roll, I will allow to pick a spell plum the depths of the necromancy I'm still I still have the ability to learn a spell right cuz I got that I have a spell I can know you're Supposed to take two weeks to study the book to learn it and you never did that. Oh what I have spells I want to use I said, all right fine. You can use one of those spells. Yes. Oh Second spell you're saying no you get one spell

I get a second spell you're saying. No, you get one spell. Oh, what? This is the same spell. You didn't read, you ever read the other book? No, I. There's a whole mechanic for reading books and I put you in a whole time dilation chamber so you might have had the idea to use

the two weeks you were hanging around in Bigfoot Land to read a book. No, I thought you told me that I have a spell I could use. Okay, so now I have a spell I could use because I've been researching spells. Yes, if you've been, Matt Arnold has been researching spells, I will let you pick the spell.

You plumber from the Forbidden Tome of the Necronomica. So I flip through it and I go, first off, I look at the result. I've learned enough to know not to say any of these words out loud, so I think I'm gonna be okay. And then I read through it and I go, ah, that's the spell I want.

You can hold on to what spell that is. Yeah, yeah, no, I have a few that I was thinking of saying I learned. I just wasn't sure when I would say I used it. Great. Is this like all knowledge in the world? Yes. Or more than the world? This is my humble abode my palace in exile

This is where the powers that be banished me to the winds of winter Because the powers that be like want to destroy our world they fear me oh, why would fear what I represent which is But the good kind I would use it for good they don't understand me what Oh, well why? They fear what I represent. Which is? Power. Oh. But the good kind. I would use it for good. They don't understand me. What do you consider good?

Whatever Zuzal deems good, of course. Okay, no, you don't need to be defensive. I'm just trying to understand. I just, the lot's going on where you met this- I'm sorry, I'm not used to conversation. It's been a while since I had anybody back here. No, he said we met this moth guy and he's like, wants to help us, but eventually he's going to destroy us. And then he's saying the powers that be

are gonna destroy us. So I was like, oh, well, if the powers that be like got rid of you, maybe you're on our side. I figure out what you want to do. I wish for all life to blossom. Oh, that's wait. My motivations are beyond your comprehension. Well, that's it's all. Okay, what does an ant know of what a human? Okay. Well you bright invited this ant over to your house So what do you want from this ant? Come with me and he leads you down the key. Okay. Keep coming with me There's more the one I want to show you is down there. Okay. I thought they like well you guys

I'm better this person who would have it. I'm coming Kelsey. Yes, when you traveled back in time Yeah, you awoke to something. Mm- something. You gained a glimpse at your true self. You see, there are many worlds and many realities, much like there are these many books you see. But there's only one you. There's only one Kelsey. There's only one self, a glorious thread being woven through the infinity of infinities.

And you, Kelsey, are but a strand of that thread, one of many woven together. Strand of the thread, OK. When you went back in time and changed your timeline. I did? When you spoke to your brother, you altered the course of your fate and his. And you opened a hole in time and space.

And you pulled the thread that is Kelsey through it. I pulled myself, okay. You are but one strand of this thread. When you warned your brother of his death, you tangled this thread and his. The visions you have been perceiving are the many strands of your true self, twisting into a loop that draws ever and ever tighter. It's threatened to overwhelm you

until I saved you and brought you here. But still it grows tighter and tighter around you and around and he grabs your wrist and holds up the bracelet around this. So wait, I don't care about me. So wait, is my brother, so that happened? I warned, did it change? Something has changed.

I know not what, it's not my fate, it is yours. It's your fate that has changed, and its change involves this. Yes, I sense his fate woven into it as well. He sends you a message in this bracelet, in this bauble, this trinket. But to untangle your thread, to be free of these visions, you must decipher it, or forget it entirely.

I can help you in whichever path you choose. I mean, can I open it and read it? Only with the vision, with the insight, with the power of your full knowledge of your true self, can you decipher this message. As but a shadow of yourself, you're unable to decipher what it says, but I can show you your true self, Kelsey. Okay. I can show you like a book or like, like, what's the, well, how do I have to fight his true self? I just- He steps up to this mirror, but the mirror is covered in a cloak. I can show you your true self, but you will be forever changed by what you see. Or, and he points to the flames, there's another big fire point, a lot of fireplaces. Whoa!

There's another big fire, or you may cast the bracelet into the fire and you will forget it ever existed, but you will be free of the visions that have been haunting you. Oh no, I'm not gonna, it's my brother's bracelet. No, and the, I mean, isn't like most of your life trying to find out your true self? I have no problem. Yeah, yeah, let's look in the mirror. You can kind of sense, again, he's got this mask on to keep him from freaking out, but you can see like a vibe of admiration when you say that, the bravery of being like fuck it I want to see this he respects it okay he says very well behold Kelsey as Zeus L sees her as she truly is and he pulls this cloak off of the mirror and you're staring your mind reels just taking it in it's you but it's smoking hot but smoking up 55 but it's like you're one side of an infinite sighted one side of an infinite sided dice,

essentially, like of an infinite sided structure. Your flesh weaves and writhes around. Like the end of Interstellar? Like the Book Room in the room of Interstellar. No, Matt, more like a D1000. Weirdly, what you look like is your body shifts and twists around the way that Zuzel's does. And as you look at this and you gaze at the sort of like

many manifold versions of Kelsey that all make up the one true Kelsey, the Ur-Kelsey, you realize that what you've been seeing in Zuzel is just all of one consciousness, all of one entity perceived in one dimension of time, and now you've gotten this multi-form look at your own persona as it were, as it throws itself through time, and you become one with it as you're looking at it and as you do your gaze falls down onto that bracelet Finally, you can see the charm bracelet for what it is and for the symbols that are on it So here's what you see you write this down. Oh an eye. Okay. Wait the letter or An eyeball, okay an eye

Eyeball one eye. Yep, just the one. Yep My compass compass a peach a peach a bison a bison Okay So far I feel on a theme here peachyville bison a lock a lock an hourglass Hourglass and a skull skull and this isn't like one those like you should just find a little charms and a charm bracelet But that's the order there. So they are. They are. They are like hanging little charms. Yeah, I remember you told your brother to fill it with charms for all the places he's been and now these are the charms that

he's giving you. Would you like me to tell you those again? No, I wrote them down. I got it. All right, you got it for the audience one more time. If they want to play along at home, those items were an eye, a compass, a peach, a bison, a lock, an hourglass, and a skull. By the way, I was thrilled to find out that all of these symbols have emojis. Oh! That's actually what they built emojis off of. We'll post the emojis on Patreon. Don't worry about it.

As all these four symbols sear into your memory, you wake up and you stumble out of the tube. While that was happening, meanwhile, Beth, Trudy wakes up and your head is on a workbench. Oh! You see before you, your sort of like, opened body on this table with wires and gears all strewn out. Oh my!

And then Mothman pops up from beneath it. He says, remain calm, Trudy. You've regained consciousness, good. Where's Timmy? Timmy? So he turns your head towards Timmy, and you see Timmy lying there. And then Mothman pops up from beneath it. He says, remain calm, Trudy. You've regained consciousness, good. Where's Timmy? Timmy? So he turns your head towards Timmy. And you see Timmy lying there.

And he says, the one known as Timmy rests. I have yet to decipher the manner of his ailment. What do you mean? What's wrong with him? He goes over to Timmy, and he turns his head towards you. And you see, like, there's, like, a little puncture in his head where Mothman drew something out of him he holds up this syringe says this fluid surrounds his brain it is a barrier between his brain

and his body it protects his brain yet it keeps him in this state you see so he's on lexapro and he holds it up and it's this weird like it looks liquid but it's kind of crystalline as well He says Moth Jesus has never beheld a slime like this before except in one place in your brain Trudy and he sort of like reveals like he's got this other vial of like When I first discovered you I discovered this coating your mind Moth Jesus believes the secret to saving your son lies within you. It is some part of your design, your program, something that protects your mind and allows it to

adapt to these many metal carapaces. Any gestures to your body? So he needs more of the slime that's in me? No, we must decipher the nature of the lime and to do that mouth Jesus needs your help Yes, anything what I must put you in contact with your own programming with the architecture of your metal body The information lies within its code within its structure within its architecture But to visualize it I must link your mind directly with it using something called safe mode Are you ready to experience safe mode Trudy if it will save Timmy then yes very well remain still for 10 seconds and then

Presses this mole on your shoulder and holds it It doesn't feel like anything's happening at first. And then like after 10 seconds. And you're like, wow, 10 seconds is longer than I thought. You blink. And when you open your eyes, you are in like a sterile, cold office building. Like it's desaturated. It's black and white in here, actually.

It's like a sort of like monochrome. There's a door in front of you and the door says system architecture I open the door. Okay on the other side of the door you see this massive seemingly endless Expansive filing cabinets like these skyscraper high rows just stretching off into the infinite You know that somewhere the information that you seek is in this expanse of this library if you will of all of this data Is Arlo here? Oh, that's kind of fun.

Yes, if you want to talk to Arlo, you can talk to Arlo, who's like an actual dog in this world, we'll say. Like, he's an actual cocker spaniel. He's not like rigged up to a machine. Arlo, I'm looking for information. I'm looking for help to save... Hi, Trudy. ...my son.

Hi, Arlo, yes. It's me, Arlo. Yes, do you know if there's a filing cabinet about slime or goo? Slime, hmm, let me think. Oh gee whiz, I'm only the version of Arlo that exists in your memory, so I only know what you know. Oh. But maybe you could use your library skills to find your way through this library.

That's what Arlo would do. Arlo's a very good dog and very smart and Arlo likes to use his skills. Yes, of course Arlo would do. Arlo is a very good dog, very smart, and Arlo likes to use his skills. Yes, of course, Arlo, yes. And I will use my knowledge of the Dewey Decimal System to find out slime. OK, give me a library use roll. This will be an extreme difficulty. Oh, of course.

Oh, I actually have more library use than I thought. Oh, I passed. What? Holy shit. I got a three. What? Okay, I'm so happy. That's great. So as you think and you recall the Dewey Decimal System and you bring this to your mind, you

feel something inside you kind of break open. Like, as you're digging around and you're engaging this part of yourself, you feel it's almost like now that Tucker has died, now that you're off truly finally well and on your own, it's like the shackles and their strengths that he was trying to put on you as well. Like this sort of like little box that you had been stuck in for all these years has burst open. Arlo reappears and he says, Oh, you've unlocked administrator access. Oh, wow. Do you know what that means, Trudy? Maybe it means that as a woman,

I finally have agency over my own future, present, and past. It means that and it means that you have complete control over your system architecture. He runs off down the corner and he comes back with this in his mouth. It's a user manual for an iMac. What? So, we'll brought Beth a paper.

Then I saw what it was, but I will not say it to spoil it. It is a Trudy Trout character sheet with... That's just your character sheet? Yeah, it's just my character sheet. You can now, while you are inside your own system architecture, at Will redistribute any of your skill points. What? Ooh.

So... Go hard guns. I know. Come through. Francis already picked DPS, but you can pick DPS better now. Yeah. It's like that scene in The Matrix where you learn to fly a helicopter. You had that killer library use role.

So in addition to this, you can also roughly approximate the direction you need to go to the brain slime category of your system programming. OK. I am going to take the 20 points that I had put into fighting slash spanking and put them into psychology. Oh. So that'll bring up to 60 psychology.

Yeah. Sick. If you want, do you have any points in spot hidden? Just take all that. We got spot hidden right here. Take all those points. Yeah, you don't need no spot. Let Kelly be your eyes.

Yo, let's make Max's thing. Describe to me what Trudy goes through internally as you are losing spanking ability and gaining psychological insight. It's really tough. She's going back and kind of going through her programming as a mother and a disciplinarian kind of figure with Timmy.

Every time he talked back out of pain and she reacted in anger and every time she didn't listen to him and every time she dismissed what he was feeling because it didn't align with what she wanted or what her goals were. And now she's just kind of opening up to his experience of everything of the last like 10 years. Damn. Okay. Don't let Will talk over your min-maxing. Get that spot hidden shit and get some, and get some. I'm gonna take 10 out of my spot hidden.

Get some more shit in there. Out of your spot hidden. Yes, I'm gonna drop that down to 50 and put 10 more into psychology. Oh wow That's right. All right, explain that to me How are you getting slightly less good at seeing things but also 10% wiser that psychological? You don't need your eyes to see Where we're going we don't need

Freddie got it. Okay, Beth. Give me a spot hidden role Hey Beth, give me a spot hit and roll. If I fail this I'm gonna be pissed. Oh yeah, okay, I got a 21. Okay, as you were walking down the hallway, having these big sort of life changing epiphanies, you notice, but not quite as fast as you would have had you not rearranged your stats, a giant scary computer bug dropping down

from these towering heights between you and where you need to go. And it's like a big robot beetle. And it goes... And it glares at you and like its eyes seem to lock onto you. I'm going to try to intimidate it. This is my own brain. And if I want you to turn into a smaller bug, or a butterfly, or a moth, then I can make that happen.

What is your intimidate score? And remember, you can juice it if you would like to. 45. I will say this bug does not look easily intimidating. God damn. So if you want to move some, Yammer, you can move these around, you can put it right back afterwards.

Oh, okay. So you can do whatever you want. All right, I'm gonna take my 55 out of charm and put it in intimidate. Are you going all in? Yeah. Okay. I would going all in? Yeah. Okay. I would have to fail pretty bad.

So you're now at a, you're at a hundred intimidate. Yep. Okay, describe to me now this version of Trudy that is absolutely terrifying and has zero charm whatsoever that you shift into. I think she's doing an impersonation of Tucker. Oh, I gotta hear that. Hey, bug, move. Ooh, I gotta hear that. Hey, Bug, move.

Ooh, I like that, give me a roll. 12. Okay, the Bug, absolutely terrified, just scurries away and zips down the hallway. You find yourself now, this super intimidating, psychologically adept, spanking resistant version of yourself, you find yourself at the bottom of what you know to be the right filing cabinet

that stretches Yawning up into the sky above you how you want to get up there hmm I'm going to take 45 from intimidate and put it into climb And you'd shift you turn into Alex Honnold yep How much you taking out of it to me 55 out of intimidate so you're back to normal intimidate yes that brings you to 75 a climb Fuck I failed I got an 81 oh Intimidate so you're back to normal Intimidate. Yes that brings you to 75 at climb Fuck I failed I got an 81. Oh, I'm gonna use luck. I'm gonna use six points of luck. Okay, so I'm down to 34 oh no, okay great So you're climbing up this thing scaling with seemingly like all of a sudden super innate knowledge

You have how to scale a large structure like this and you know like with good hand grip placement now You're a climber, you know what you're doing. And your foot slips because one of the filing cabinet doors breaks off and you find yourself flailing, but then your hand shoots out at the last second and you grab onto a file and you slam down and you realize you're looking right at the file that you need to access.

However, it's locked. It's a Unix system, I know this. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I'm going to take 20 from swim, 20 from throw, 10 from track. All right, so zero swim, zero track, and zero throw? And I'm going to put that in locksmith. Okay, give me a locksmith roll. I fail.

As you fail this roll, you hear Tucker's voice saying, unauthorized user detected, unauthorized user detected. And then all of a sudden you see Arlo scooting up next to you and he goes, hey, are you supposed to be in here, Trudy? I think, I think yes I am. I think this is the first time I'm really, really, really supposed to be in here. Okay, well I just, I would recommend you do

whatever you gotta do pretty quick because this system gets pretty mad and something bad might happen to you if you don't get out of here. Okay, well I just, I would recommend you do whatever you gotta do pretty quick, because this system gets pretty mad and something bad might happen to you if you don't get out of here. I'm gonna push my roll. Okay, ooh, I like that. I succeed. Fuck yes. 31.

Describe to me what crazy thing you do to push this lockpicking roll. I think that I have like, I don't know, maybe like a bobby pin in my hand, and I'm trying to use it to pick this lock on this file but I need more pressure and so to do that I have to let go of my other hand holding me upright and use two hands to put it into the lock. The lock springs open and clicks open the file pops out you pull out this glittering glyph of a page of

data it's like numbers flying across this piece of paper at blinding speed. It almost hurts to look at, but as you pick it up and you look at it, it's like some part of your brain is downloading this information and it vanishes from your hands. As you do that, you close the file, you hear these alarms going louder and louder and louder, and you hear the booming voice of Moth Jesus kind of speaking into your ear, but you can hear it in here. Trudy, safe mode grows unsafe. Hey must eject you from the program You have one minute get out of there Trudy. I must right-click you and eject you safely. I have pressed control I will soon press alt and delete now. I'm going to give you

One minute on the clock to redo your character sheet. Oh my gosh. Just think about all the things that are good starting your character sheet. Oh my gosh. Just think about all the things that are good. Starting now. First off, no spot hidden. I guess this is just gonna be one minute of silence. Do you wanna? I literally can't. I can't do this. Matt, you do it. You are now hearing me from Best Mike. She has a Celsius in front of her, keeping her energy high. She's doing some math. Her hand, unfortunately because she's left handed like a lot of weird people, I can't see what she's writing, but it appears that she is. Let me see her. Ooh, she's getting rid of history. Good thing.

Don't need that, especially not anymore. No, I'm putting everything in history. Oh, you're putting everything in history. It's for archives. Oh, okay. She's looking at the archives. I also see that Beth on her computer is buying presents for all of us. No, I'm not. Ha ha ha ha ha.

20 seconds. You got this, you got this. Uh. She got rid of some of her jump ability, so hopefully she doesn't have to jump. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay. 10, nine.

I'm done. Oh, she's done, okay great. You burst back to consciousness and you snap back to your body, which Mothman is now in the process of screwing back onto your torso. What did you see? I saw my archives My history. I just need to roll and get better than a 95. Whoa

You got a 95 in history? I put 95 points in history. Holy shit, Renia. Any other highlights? Give us the synopsis of your respect. I took all my points out of firearms. I took my five points out of ride. I took 20 points out of drive auto. My 20 points out of jump. And then 10 points out of accounting. And so you now have 95 points in history. Yes.

But next year the IRS is going to come after you. Okay, we'll say for doing that, you also like, there was just a bunch of weird dump data in there about like the history of Peachyville. So you now have like full knowledge of the entire history of the town. Well, that's great. You can access whenever you wish. Who would like to go next? Blake will go.

All right. While that is going on, while Trudy is unlocking the innermost chambers of herself and Kelsey is doing likewise. Blake Lively. Yes. You find yourself. You're just having a same, same boring old anxiety dream. And it's that dream you've had so many times before.

Yes. You're deep in a sewer staring down the barrel of a big rusty pipe. Yes. You know at any moment a bunch of yucky green slime is going to come bursting through this pipe to flood deep in a sewer staring down the barrel of a big rusty pipe. Yes. You know at any moment a bunch of yucky green slime is going to come bursting through this pipe to flood the whole room. Lucky for you though, you've got a big bag full of pipes that you can connect to it to

keep the slime flowing safely away from you and around the room. Yes, the pipes need to go around. But there's one problem, all your different types of pipe are jumbled together and you never know which one's going to come out of your. Yeah, yes, I hate it wait a minute Like you're gonna need to think on your feet to survive this pipe dream You're making me play a game Freddy. I'm gonna send you a link right now. Holy shit. This is Will's jazz ball revenge Thankfully pipe dream is fucking easy. Anthony, you're familiar with the classic LucasArts game Pipe Dream, aren't you?

Yes, I am. Could you explain it for our audience at home? Yes. Freddie, you have as long as it takes Anthony to explain the concept to familiarize yourself with level one of Pipe Dream. Alright, Pipe Dream is a single-player puzzle game that takes place on a gridded board. On one end of the board is the pipe entry, on another end of the board is the pipe exit. You are given certain tiles with a randomized series of T-junctions, straight lines, corner pieces, etc. and your job is to connect the entry point to the exit point using ideally

as few tiles as possible. Sometimes there are additional obstacles like, oh, you can't put any tiles at all on this block or these two tiles must connect or this tile is already set in stone, etc But it's basically just a sort of a jigsaw puzzle with a plumbing theme It falls in the milieu of like Windows 98 came with the computer games like 3d space kid at pinball Yeah, and ski free and jazz ball and that kind of thing. They should be in the same shelf on the Smithsonian I am ready. You're ready. All right, so you've now played level one of pipe dream We are gonna be playing level 25 of level 25

We can do level 21. Why would you love 21? I'll take it easy on you. Roll the d20 for me 14 at the end of this if you beat this level you're gonna get an immediate 14 point boost to your mechanical repair score Which is you overcoming your anxiety that you're a shitty plumber if fail, you will have a 14 point permanent sanity loss. Now I ask you, Freddy, would you like to reroll your dice? No, I'll go with 14. You're going in, okay, great. This is like my Jezz Ball. Matt or Beth, would you like to do the honors of narrating?

Level 20, which level, which level? Level 21. Blake Lively, on your mark, get set, go. So Bethers green slime is gonna come out of one of those pipes and he's trying to build a whole maze of pipes around to keep it from erupting onto the playing field. Oh, that's great.

Well, he's building pipes. How's he doing? How are we, has the slime started yet? Oh, the slime has just started. The slime is going to the left, slowly. And now it's about to go down. There it goes. How does Freddy seem?

How's his mental condition? Freddy seems pretty calm. He's got me right in his ear. So that, that would be stressful. Oh, it seems like the slime has jumped across the map. That's wild. Through some sort of slime portal. A slime portal indeed.

But Freddy seems calm and collected and his score is really jumping up. He's got a score of 650. Fuck. Uh oh, the slime's closing in, Freddy. How are we doing? The slime is getting pretty close. I'm stuck.

I'm done. You won. Well, no, I didn't win, but I got the next level. Well. I'm at the next level. Okay, all right. I'll give you double or nothing if you beat the next level. I already fucked up.

He already fucked up. I don't understand what the rules are. Yeah, me neither. Oh, good stuff. Hold on. You're distracting him, Will. Sounds like he is doing double or nothing. Sounds like he is. He's locked in.

He's either gonna get 28 points to his mechanical repair score right now, or he's gonna lose 28 points of sanity. Wow. Of his precious 85 sanity. Man, everybody got like stat increases. I got a riddle. Yeah.

Kelsey got a cool thing that'll be revealed later. Oh, wow. That's also known as a riddle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Kelsey got a cool thing that will be revealed later. Oh. Oh, wow. The best kind of thing. That's also known as a riddle. Yeah. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe I think it's going pretty well. Oh, they're playing pretty well. I think it was having a good time if I were a sports announcer. I'd be like

I can't do that. I think Freddie won the level all right Wow Wow Alright Blake as you chase this pipe around laying Lay pipe all over the screen Lathic pipe you let me a little commentary from the pro gamer here. Here's the trick, when you get a pipe that isn't gonna fit right away, throw it over to the corner somewhere. Just chuck pipes all over the place. Actually I think that that hurts your score, but that's what I was doing. And then as the little green liquid was coming, I'd be like, this pipe will go right over there in front of it. Very, very grommet-pilled, you know? When he's like, grr grr grr grr gr in front of it a very very grommet peeled, you know

Strategy well, that's been the postgame analysis with Freddie Wong Thanks everyone felt really like to thank God like to say as you're doing this you manage to successfully Connect this pipe and run through time and overcome your internal anxiety about your shocking backstory fact that you've never been certified as a plumber Which I believe was what you told me, like, Steve Darkseeker was. And as you're feeling pretty good about yourself, you hear a door open behind you. I'm working! Oh, oh, um, is Miss Grammer here? What? No, no, this is just, this is the toilet.

Have you turned around, or are you still working? I'm still working. Oh, okay, I was looking for do you know miss grammar? Yes That's Milton. Can you can you tell her that Milton's looking for I turn around now after? Also, you smell the distinct smell of I would know that smell anywhere. It is the child Milton Flushing wet peanut butter down the toilet you have clogged your entire block with your peanut butter shenanigans

I actually prefer child Milton to Big Bang Theory I just like the way it smells mr. lively holy fucking shit I like watching the I like watching the peanut butter world on the toilet you listen here you little shit I like watching it it's funny American porcelain is not ready for this at last I can't hear you little shit. Oh no! I like watching it, it's funny. American porcelain is not ready for this. Alas, I can't watch it anymore, because as you see, I don't have eyes anymore. What the hell? Oh my god! So yes, you see that, in fact, in punishment for Francis scooping out the eyes of her son,

Ma Anderson has taken Milton's sight from him. Well, fortunately, me and my friend here, BB, have found a way to sort of access a different kind of site, and we can send people messages now and stuff through our dreams. It's pretty cool. And you hear like... Child! You hear in the background, you hear another voice saying, did you get Kelsey? Did you get her?

Kelsey, it's me! It's me, BB! Hey, we've been captured! I found Melton, but we've been captured! Children, I do not know you. What a good adult. That rules. That rules. Please, please abdicate the vicinity.

You wake up. I feel very much like I understand plumbing now. You see, you should be using PVC glue to connect the joints together. It was so obvious this whole time. But now, now I see that the glue needs to cure first I have learned a lot in this dream. You sure have and not the thing you were supposed to learn. Oh, well Well, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time not my problem Francis while all of that has been going on so what do I so my shit changes, right?

Yes, you got 14 more points to your mechanical 28. I double Oh, that's right. All right, so your your mechanical repair score is now what Freddy 35 plus 28 equals 63 excellent Slightly better than average real I know kung fu moment over here finally I can feel good about my ad in the yellow pages Call Blake for your adequate plumbing needs Okay, while all that is going on Francis as the goo Ensconces you you feel yourself floating and then you realize you're floating in the air

You see twinkling lights above you and you feel the rush of wind all around your body. I'm flying I guess. It's like that comic I don't read. Do you want to fly around a little? What do you want to do? I'm gonna look down and see exactly what I'm over. Okay so you are over the lights of Peachyville. You see Peachyville beneath you and you kind of you have an immediate sense that this isn't a dream. That you've kind of projected your consciousness out into space. Astral projection, dude! And you're soaring around and you see the few lights that are on, because it's pretty late at night, but you also see glowing lights,

like these strange glowing lights that you realize are people, and they're people that are asleep. And the people that are awake are kind of walking around. I've got pervert powers. The people that are awake are kind of like ephemeral, shady, you know, sort of wisps of people, and you can't quite see them aseral, shady, you know, sort of wisps of people and you can't quite see them as well, but you're in some sort of liminal space. Give me a spot hit and roll.

Oh, that's a failure. That's a 95. Okay, well in that case, you see nothing as you hear a voice behind you say, oh hey, new person up here. I turn around. As you turn around, you also see nothing behind you, but you hear a voice behind you again say, oh, gotta be a little faster than that to catch Sneaky P. Oh no.

Hey Francis, how's it going? Well, it was going pretty cool. I didn't realize that you could project yourself out here like Sneaky P. That's you could do that too. Yeah, that's how I sneak around. Oh God. So you know when people are sleeping. I know when people are sleeping. That's I know when they're awake I can see into their dreams. I've seen into your dreams young man. Oh, let me say I like your style You're an artist kid. I feel like there's another sneaky Pete coming into the world

Sneaky Pete I fucking hate you so much. No, I don't appreciate that, but I can- So wait, are you asleep? No, I'm- I'm projecting myself here into the shade world, just like you. The world between the waking world and the dream world. I'm gonna see if I can look around and see a light that is maybe a little bit off color, or has a weird brightness that I don't recognize, to see if maybe that's Sneaky Pete, because he's gonna be the only person that's in the liminal space like that of a man. Looking for me ast a weird brightness that I don't recognize to see if maybe that's sneaky Pete because he's gonna be the

Only person that's in the liminal space like that of a man looking for me astral projecting hard You know I've tried to look in you're not gonna see anything is technically I'm awake just like you and he points down to where you are and he sees that you are just a gray shade Like everybody else lying in this too. It'd be hard to sneak around and spy around here If people could just see where you were yeah, but there's... Wait, wait, are there other people that can access the Astral Flight over here than me? You gotta be careful up here. There's all sorts of nasty creatures out, not nice fellas like you and me, Francis, but real creepos out here.

Uh, describe them. Do you know what a nightmare is, Francis? Do you know the etymology of that word? I do. It's from the Scandinavian. That's right. Wow. I didn't realize you were such an academic. There's certain shades out here, certain people. They kind of look like those sleep paralysis demons you get sometimes. You gotta be careful because they'll get you.

Yeah. But while you're up here, it's loads of fun. You can peep into people's dreams. You can check on people that you think are maybe up to no good. That's why a lot of people use it to snoop on people. That's what Sneaky Pete does, before it kills him, of course. Oh, you kill people.

Well, that's less gross than what I thought was gonna happen. That's almost a relief. Boo! I like to give them nightmares first and scare them a little bit, and then kill them in the way that was in their nightmare. As long as there's nothing sexual about the nightmares, you just-

No, they're just spooky nightmares. You went up a couple of notches in my estimation, Sneaky Pete. Oh, well, thank you very much. beat it's not that high you're still very low but okay well there's my three o'clock and you see there's a kid like falling asleep he's like I gotta go scare that kids dreams a little bit but I'll see you later have fun up here and then he dives down to scare this kid he's so doctor sleep-coded so I'm gonna fly to my own house and check on my parents okay your parents are just hanging out watching TV. I'm gonna try to yell at them,

Hey guys! Hey, can you see me? Can you sense me in any way? They do not react to you. Okay, in that case I'm gonna find Shane Silva. Okay. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA 40 what am I spot hidden is 25 okay, but never mind so you see sure enough Shane Silva Sleeping in his bed big Shane or little Shane. This is a little Shane. Did you want big Shane or a little Shane? I was gonna go to little Shane's house hoping that big Shane might be there. Okay. Well little Shane is here He's asleep in his bed race car bed his race car bed He's got one leg. He's got a bandage over his leg that it's kind of raised up

You know to keep the you know like I don't know just it's healing right now It's still a pretty gnarly wound, but he's got it all patched up. But he is sort of tossing and turning in what seems to be a distressing dream. Oh, okay. I'll jump in that dream. Okay, you dive in the dream and you see Shane crucified on a cross. Whoa! Francis! You find yourself in a long, long line of people going up to Shane, and they all-

You recognize them as like, you know, the other weirdos and bullied nerds at school. Yeah, the kid that works at the fucking theater. Yeah, Sticky Rick is there. Sticky Rick's there. And all of them are holding like a big rock, and one by one they're going up to Shane and saying like, Frick off, Shane! And then they throw the rock at him and it pelts him in his bare chest. They're crucifying him, and stoning him! He's like, thank you, thank you, thank you, I deserve that! Crucifying Annstonium, that's a real hat on a hat.

Hahaha! Choose one! As the line progresses, it's your turn now. And in your hands, the Spear of Longitude. Hahaha! I'm gonna summon my Ava! Um, Shane looks down at you and like, his eyes well with tears and he's like actually like kinda overjoyed to see you.

And he says, Francis, Francis, oh my God, are you really here? Wowee! And he jumps off of the cross and he lands on the ground next to you. I didn't tie that very well at all, did I? Well, he sort of pulls the nails out and leaps down and he sort of hobbles over to you

and gives you this big hug. He says, I am so glad to see you, man. I just, I am so sorry for everything I put you through. Like, I've just been through such a harrowing deal lately and I'm having these nightmares. But I think like I really, it just, it was just a wake up call. And I just like, I've been such a bad guy and I just want you to know, I know it's not the real you. I know it's just some version of you in my dream, but I feel so guilty about the hell it put you through, man. And I just want to say, I'm sorry.

So Francis is going to lean over and pat the stump on his leg and say you're welcome What do you mean? I'm welcome. You're cured now. You're not an asshole anymore. Oh, okay Never mind never mind what I thought I thought a man make you maybe but that's probably I've no one know so anyway In Billy Madison where he's like, I'm glad I called This is like in Billy Madison where he's like, I'm glad I called that guy. Great bad guy. Well, I'm so glad that you've had a change of heart. Yeah, man.

What happened to your leg anyway? So and then you blink and now he's like one legged pushing a boulder up a hill in hell as you're kind of sitting on the boulder and he's talking to you. Oh, I wanted to help you with that. Oh, thanks very much. It's just, well, you know, I don't know.

I think it's, I mean, a lot of crazy stuff was happening in that boxing match. I mean, you were there. Gosh, I hope you got out. You know, we don't know. They still it said I mean last a lot of crazy stuff was happening in that boxing match I mean you were there gosh. I hope you got out. You know we don't know they still haven't found some of the bodies You know no, so they don't know what happened to you. They don't know what happened to Kelsey or that feller. Mr. Collette god. He's not a very nice guy. I'll tell you that much What the hell he tried to get me to bleed on him so he could slide down this pit this this vent He was stuck in a car This is the vision this is the vision in his head. It is had guilt manifesting. It's Tony Claude

It's also in hell. That's right you belong down here You're the one person I don't I don't particularly care to be nice to anymore You're on the boulder like running along it as it rolls Listen here kid I rented you a car Hey shut up You're dead Or am I? I'm in his mind. I live on forever.

You know they say you die twice. Once, when you're- Tony, what? That's the last time I'm ever gonna say it! I live on. As you remember me. So Shane looks at you and now he is tied to a big rock and you're like a little bird eating his liver and he says there's just, oh jeez, Francis, I feel like this weight's been lifted off of me but there's

just one thing that really still stresses me out. It's just my dad, you know? Like he can barely look me in the eye now and he's just so shaken by what's happened and he's just become so obsessed with figuring out what happened to me down there. You know, I just told him it was probably, who knows, but he really, really, really needs an answer and he's just been locked away at the office all night. He's just been staked out, just trying to figure it out. It's like he's getting obsessed.

And he keeps talking about like he's getting closer to the truth, but I don't know what he's talking about. You're a smart kid. I remember stealing your homework and you having some pretty insightful things. Is it what do you, what do you think? Do you know when I wake up, I just want to call my dad and find a way to talk to him, to connect with him. What would you suggest I say to him?

Well, I think what your dad is doing is he's probably trying to process the trauma of you losing your leg and and or future As a sports star yeah And he's trying to throw himself into his work so he can feel like he has some control over you know the universe even though The universe is inherently chaotic And so I feel like the actual move for him to do is not focus so much on solving the case and more focus on being there for his son who needs him. Wow. Francis, that's great. Yeah, I would say, so again, priority one, drop the case. Second priority, spend time with your son.

Wow. Okay, yeah. I'll give that some thought. You know, once he comes home tonight from the police station, I'll just, I'll see if I can have a heart to heart with him. You're a good kid, Francis, and I just, sorry again. And he gives you a hug, and then he wakes up, and you are booted out of his dream. And you become aware of a new glowing light at the police station.

I go check on Big Shane. As you fly over to the police station, you see Big Shane Silva slumped over on his desk. He's been burning the candle at both ends. Clearly for days he's got stubble all over his face. Empty coffee cups, a go-go out here. Trying to take out. How do you do that?

Do what? Do you hold the candle in the middle? Yeah, and it's got like the wick at both ends. And I guess, I don't know. That's a good question. I'm gonna assume that's how it goes. Dude, it's a spinning candle like Darth Maul's lightsaber. He has that saved. Darth Maul, just fucking Victorian Darth Maul's lightsaber. He has that same.

Darth Maul, just fucking Victorian Darth Maul with a big candelabra pointing both ways and he lights a candle on one end and then dramatically on the other. Careful, careful Obi-Wan. That Darth Maul's working far more than he should be. I want you to have this, your father's candle. Master, be careful.

It would burn twice as hard, but not as long. Why don't they sell raised candle in stores? Okay, so no there you Pretty good pretty good pretty good Voice so you see train slumped over at his desk. He's got a big stack of folders he's been working through. You can see on his walls, photos, reports, and stuff like that. And he seems to be also like his son sort of fitfully tossing and turning in a dream.

Can I check to see what he's working on? Oh, yeah. OK, so you see he's got a whole tableau reconstructing what he thinks happened the night of the fire at the old weird bunker on the edge of town. And so he's got the path of the fire. He's tacked photos of the victims where they found them They all seem to be matched to dental records But then he's also got like this big wall of unidentified victims and front and center are four people He knows were there based on reports and based on the movements that were going around town

That have yet to be found and yet to be discovered. And they are Kelsey Grammer, Trudy Trout, Tony Collette and Frances Farnsworth. And it seems very preoccupied on them because of course they are the ones he ran into the day before. They seem to be popping up all over the place. Isn't Trudy still at home like robot Trudy? Oh, that's a good point. Like doesn't he probably wouldn't talk to her. Don't the public think that she's still... Yes, no, you're right. Yes. Trudy is not there. Trudy is not there.

But he's suspicious of her. There's a question mark around Trudy because she was seen in the vicinity, but also seen at home at the same time, so something doesn't add up. Francis, this is your chance to frame Tony Collette. This is your chance to frame Tony Collette for your crime. You know what? Nevermind.

Tony Collette, that's a great name. Yeah, I'm definitely gonna- You're not dead. That rules. So yes, you see that, and he's also clearly digging into the activities of the bison cult itself. He's got a map of Peachyville up. He's got Tucker's house circled, and there's a- Oh, he's not working for us.

He's also got the zoo and the library circled as well, and he seems to be working out something. He's trying to figure out how you guys and whatever's going on in the town are connected, because clearly they are. All right, now I jump into his head. You jump into his head and you're in like a fucking jazzy twin peaks ass fucking mind palace nightclub. It's like an art exhibit of his mind and the things that are preoccupying it. The pieces of evidence that are still puzzling him about that night. Alcoholic. Yes, he's sipping a scotch as he broods,

and he hasn't seen you yet, but he's walking around and like, exhibit one, the bullet, the shell, recovered from the scene of his son's shooting. And he's like, it's a Kar98, a German Nazi rifle. What could that possibly be doing here? Next to the shell is a model of a Kar98 gun also standing there.

He's got more of the photos, he's got more of the evidence, he's got more of the evidence, he's got blood spatter analysis. The walls around him in the room are all painted with a splatter of the blood that hit the wall when you shot Shane. But front and center, like the main thing in the room is this big painting, but the frame is empty

and above it are the words written, who shot my son? And he's kind of staring at it, just wracked with ice, sweating trying to figure this out So presumably because it's all the evidence and everything there also like Photos of all the suspects and stuff somewhere on these walls and stuff like that. Yeah, okay cool So I'm gonna walk up to big Shane and go that gum you like is coming back in style Sometimes my arms go back. I'm the answer that you seek. You're the Francis? You're the answer?

No, not in that way. Of course. I'm giving you the answer. Oh my, you are giving me the answer. It all makes sense. No, no, no. It's all starting to make sense. Yes!

You know what makes sense? Car 98. Car 98. Cars. Cars, cars, cars. Cars. Cars. Tony Collette pretended to be in World War II. He probably got his hands on a German rifle to try to justify that story. The rifle must belong to him.

And if he's the one who has the rifle, he's a man so he could go into the boy's bathroom, which is where he got where Shane got shot. And he must have done that. He's missing. So he's clearly run away from the crime scene. He made it. He's one of those Bisons. Maybe because young Shane Silva is such a strong athletic chap. Maybe the Bisons thought he was a threat and they sent their best man,

Tony Collette into a bathroom with a car 98. But but but but my son, he said he saw mr. Colette He said he saw Tony Colette in the air vent afterwards that doesn't make any sense Why would it be in there unless no give me a? Persuade role use the air vent to get into the bathroom with tissue Give me a persuade role. Okay, I got an 83 Ten so Okay, I got an 83 out of 10, so that was never gonna work. He seems almost convinced for a second. He's like, yeah, I guess it could, wait, wait, no, no, no.

My brain wouldn't send, why would it send you here to tell me? Why would it send Francis unless Francis is trying to trick me? Unless Francis, it's all been, oh my God, it all makes sense, it you it was him it was the last thing you see right before he wakes up with a start is your face holding that car 98 sort of like fade into that who killed my son i grab a picture of tony collette i try to like

paste it over paste over your own face over my face oh oh oh and he wakes up with a start and you're now back in his office and you see him frantically like Grabbing like the nearest piece of paper he can to start furiously scribbling something frances did it I guess I gotta kill one more silver Give me one more spot hidden roll if only Kelsey were here 82 no okay, so in that case you don't see anything until you turn around and you see two shadows. First, it just seems like, oh, weird, I guess that's just like the shadow from a coat rack

or something like that, but like the lighting doesn't make sense. And you realize there's no coat rack there, there's just two like sort of dark silhouettes. A vasta narada. Just standing in the room, and their eyes are somehow even darker than the pitch black shadow that they are just staring at you

What's that they just look at you for a second and you hear one of them say? Don't be afraid I mean, I'm not I'm not here. Oh, they're like two inches in front of you Don't be afraid, Francis! You need to work on your delivery! You're doing a good job of making me not afraid! They grab you by the hand and you feel this searing hot pain in your hand. You feel your flesh burning, something being burned into you like a brand. And these demons lock eyes with you and you hear them say,

We will find you, Francis! And right as the pain gets incredibly intense, you snap awake and you stumble out of the tube. And as you sort of come to in this slime drips off of your body, you look down at your hand where they grabbed you and there's a spiral burned into your flesh. Guys, we gotta fight Sneaky Pete.

I think he's gonna kill a bunch of kids. Francis? What? What was your personalized YouTube algorithm like? I got a lot of gameplay videos. I saw a guy restore sight to a hundred people, but he was- Ah, religious stuff. Yeah, it was weird.

I didn't meet Zuzel. Okay, well I- Interesting. I didn't meet Zuzel. Okay, well I Turns out that two things one now I and sneaky Pete can astral project So that's something to be worried about and to you can just like now like or was it part of the tube thing? I don't know if I can do it at will now. I hope I can What? Yeah, yeah Don't know but sneaky Pete can definitely do it as much he wants so like you know hide your kids hide your wife situation

but The bigger thing is that shame seems to be convinced that I shot his son big shame. I mean you did let's not point fingers Stop looking towards the past. I'm looking towards the future and right now big shame thinks I did it So that's something we're gonna have to deal with sooner or later. Also, I got this. What if you wrote a book that says if I did it? If I did it.

I think maybe when this is all done, it'll be a good thing to take responsibility for what you did and, you know, right? Did you take responsibility for all those people you beat the shit out of when you were a boxer and like, you know It's a sport license. Yeah, they kind of tell you they kind of yeah No I hope your parents tell you that there's between punching people and boxing and shooting on our children

Not that I know of. Oh, well. You're right. Well, if I did, I will take responsibility for it. We'll both go to the police station together then. Okay, we'll both go to the police station. I'm not going to go to the police station. I will tell the police I've boxed and that somebody might have died since I boxed them.

And you tell them In the lake, okay, well you put it that way No, she's gonna kill me. Oh, I will not let that happen. That's not I'm gonna get in prison and then I'm gonna somehow accidentally hang myself with my fucking bedsheets No, well, the door slides open and then moth Jesus enters with truth Because he runs the tree to give her hug. You're alive! Kelsey! How are you, do you feel the same? No, I feel different.

I feel very different. How different? So different, and I need to fix Timmy. Not fix him, I need to help him. Oh, is he okay, is he alive? I mean, he's alive, but where is he? Where is he? He's back in the room that you were in. He's back in the room I was in! Do you wanna tell us how he is or should we go look at how he alive? I mean, he's alive, but where is he? Where is he? He's back in the room that you were in. He's back in the room I was in.

Do you want to tell us how he is or should we go look at how he is? I'm gonna go look at how he is. Moth Jesus has sort of like hooked Timmy up to some basic like life support gizmos to keep him stable, but he's still basically in a coma. Like he's just lying there and machines are more or less keeping him alive right now.

Moth Jesus says, It is urgent that you find a means to help young Dimi. Yet it is also urgent that you defeat the bison cult so that the Moth people may inhabit this world thousands of years and you may save your home. I thought I did find the means of helping him. I thought I found the thing. Alas, there is a complication. Machi just slams his hands under these two glowing orbs

that are on a little sort of computer array in front of him. This image appears before you, and it's like a 3D model twisting in space of a chemical protein, incredibly complex, like this labyrinthine structure, and he's looking at it and he says, this is the protein that coats your brain, that coats your son's brain, the one that is slowly killing him.

This is not in Britannica. Chemical section. I'm gonna write this down. It is beyond Moth Jesus's knowledge to understand. Moth Jesus hoped to be able to create an anti-protein to save your son. Yet, it is beyond my knowledge. However, there is a clue and he like zooms into part of the data and you see almost like an alien language Scrawled onto the side of this thing He says this protein seems to have been created by one known as the dollmaker Find the dollmaker and you shall save your son dollmaker

Find the dollmaker and you shall save your son dollmaker Machis dude know where the doll like where is he do we just go for dollmakers? Is there a place? I look in the yellow pages. I do not know the location of this dollmaker However, you may find such knowledge where the cult archives its information It's information. Bring me the pages. That's bullshit! That's bullshit, Marth! Jesus, I'm tired! I'm tired of having to jump through hoops and find all these secret passages and I just

want to help my son! I thought that I would be able to know what to do. They always say mother knows best, but I don't know what to do. You do know what to do. Then tell me! Ah, the- The dollmaker created the protein that coats this boy's brain.

Therefore, the dollmaker must be associated with the cult that his father works for. Now you remember when I told you I saw that tunnel that those guys in masks were going into? Yes. That's probably a way to their cult headquarters. It's in the forest, I can take us back there. Okay.

First things first though, Moth Jesus, I have a gift from humankind. A Car 98. Hahahaha! Wield it in good faith. Moth Jesus takes the Car 98 and nods sagely to you and says, if you need this weapon on your journey, Moth Jesus shall keep it safe for you. Just hold on to it.

Or stash it somewhere. And keep touching it actually. It's yours. If somebody asks if this is yours. Yeah actually, it's a little dirty, let me clean it really quick. And like wipe all the fingerprints off. I go, okay cool, so this is yours now, technically. Moth Jesus thanks you for this gift.

Oh you're welcome. Now where would you like to go next? And Moth Jesus swipes the image of the protein aside on his big sort of glowy screen, and he brings up this map of Peachyville. And you see, it's very much like the map that you saw Big Shane pouring over, Francis. And you see three locations marked on this map.

It's like the one you saw on the bunker. You see Tucker's house, which now has a big cross through it, and it says research underneath and then you see Two more you see one at the local zoo that says Containment and you see one at the library that says archives and Says archives your quest for the keys is not yet done two more you seek to stop the great mother Yeah, but the archives, does that sound like

where we could get the information on the doll? Fucking you tell me, I guess, I don't know. Oh, okay, well, yeah, we gotta go get the doll maker. That's pretty straightforward, it's gotta be that, right? Yeah, we should go to the archives. Let's just go there. Perhaps they contain the information inside containment. I don't think so.

You know what, it makes sense too, because I bet you, I bet you, I bet Brian's the doll. I just, no, the doll maker sucks, right? The doll maker's a real bad guy. Moth Jesus does not have this information. That's gotta be Brian the librarian Trudy don't look at me like that. You know him Do something arbitrarily violent what what what what got my eye on you? Very well, we fly and then he presses a button and the whole ship begins to rumble. What?!

And it lifts off into the air. It's like seeing in Val Vasi, we got an airship?! And it blasts through the cave into the sky. And he says, Time is of the essence. We must alight to the archives and to the dark secrets within. Beecheville Public Library Mother, mother, fear me I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies, twisted in my mind And now I'm gone

All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away We hope you've enjoyed listening to this thrilling installment of our show. You can support our antics directly, by the way, at patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. We're putting the finishing touches on what's looking like a multi-part tour doc of our European tour. That's going to be uploaded soon and available to all of our patrons. Quite a few video bonuses on our Patreon, including tour documentaries of our first

two US tours. If you support us on Patreon, you'll also get ad-free episodes and a bonus aftershow and a whole lot more for just $5 a month at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth, Will Campos as R.D., I'm Beth May as Trudy Trout, and some of them have the names of Zechrax, Wesley Dinsmore, Libby, Lawrence Nelson, Samantha Mann, Farsight121, Alex B, Kyle Swajkos, Matthew, Odette Alcantar, Rianu Keeves, Yoav Azaria, Areez Gangly, Chloe Pem, Sam Turley Wilder, Pete Fontaine, Cody Stewart, David Reed, Gabriel Bejarano, and Christopher Howley. And the last time Matt and I said we're gonna have some more info about our movie, we're all gonna die,

that's gonna be March 7th. That's the date we're targeting. You can help us with that. patreon.com slash rocketjump for more information there. You can support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Merch and more at our website, dungeonsanddaddies.com, and our next episode's coming at you February 11th. We will see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today No fair! Anthony gets to play Call of Duty?

What? Oh yeah that's funny. Anthony gets to play that one sniper game? Where you try and shoot J.F.K.? Francis, you find yourself in Chernobyl with your good friend Price.