Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 20 - Them’s the Brakes

Episode Date: March 11, 2025

The ‘Screams set out from the Library in search of fearsome enemies, dear old friends, and a brand spankin’ new ride…This episode contains Violence, Profanity, and Sexual Content.Check out Freddie and Matt's movie WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE expanding into more theaters nationwide this week!Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey folks, Freddy here. Just want to say thank you to everyone who went out to their local theaters to watch our movie We're All Gonna Die starring Ashley Burch and Jordan Rodriguez. Was it not playing anywhere near you? Check again because our theater run is not done yet. We have another week of screenings So check our website we'reallgonnadie.mov for showtimes and more details. Thank you. On to the episode With the Fizz loyalty program you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz.

Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. One, nine, eight, six, four, two, one, nine, eight, six. Farnsworth, Luo, Collins, Anderson, Gilpin. Time, 0300, authentication. Foxtrot, Wilco- hey, what?

Ah! No! Somebody help! Somebody help! It's the doll maker! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SHJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ I have to go on a trip can't be late goodbye I have to go on a trip can't be late goodbye Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast, not even a D&D podcast this season, the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America What is the etymology of schmoe?

What does schmoe come from? It sounds like a yiddish Do you want to know? Will? I don't want to know No one tell me no one tell me Anthony put your phone down. I would I just want to know yeah I would guess it's you know I know Anthony look at me. It's not a slur. I think it's actually pretty fun. Oh is it so it's from the Yiddish schmuck And schmuck obviously means you know the contemptible or foolish person and schmuck itself comes from schmuck

Which is also Yiddish which means penis? comes from shmock, which is also Yiddish, which means penis. Oh! It's pretty fun. Yeah. This is like calling somebody a dick. Oh. It's fun.

Four everyday cocks. Yeah. Four hot cocks. This was like in a movie or something when I was growing up. I thought that shmock was the part of the penis that is circumcised and kind of removed. Kind of removed? Circumcised is either removed or not removed.

Do or do not, Beth, there is no trial. Can you all look up Shmo, but spelled S-H-M-O-O, which is what I did. Shmo? Shmo? What is a shmo? Because there's a little character from the 1950s called the Shmo, and it kind of looks like a walrus crossed

with a dick with legs. The Shmo? If he's from the 50s, maybe the shmoo will make an appearance this season You'd feel my god look at this guy Look at this guy All right, all right. All right. I play Blake lively deep-thinking plumber Handyman extraordinary that doesn't matter now because I just learned that scumbag is a 1920s for condom used condom. Yeah That rules What were you saying Freddy?

come It would be more obvious if it was just a bag. That's how snakes. Well. That's how they get you Freddy Yeah, that's what snakes got I always thought scumbag was one of the more hard-hitting of the g-rated What about poopy face What about the fuck you just say, Freddie? Don't even say that! I play Blake Lively, deep thinking plumber and handyman. He is.

Blake Lively has, as we've seen, pretty massive fighting bra skills, physique, all that stuff. Where did that come from? Well from a very comprehensive weight training program which involves Blake lifting rocks, that's it rock lives rocks Yeah, but that Bob but will the rocks get bigger. Yeah, this time goes on. Okay How bad wait, what's that? What kind of rock? How big is he working with? What's he out right now? He's at What's his personal rock best? He's at the gray one in the field by his house It's about this big man

Is it big enough for like kids to hide behind like do the kids have a name for the rock? That's how I judge rock sizes There's a name for the rock it's a big rock no he's not at the named rock Plenty of small rocks have names like pet rocks and etc Yeah, so that rocks in the 50s. That wasn't a thing in the 70s invention dang really fuck dude, but he looks so stupid My god you're going to the special house. I did not know Beth was gonna be the first one to get canceled.

I did. Hey everybody, my name's Matthew Arnold. I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's snappiest and happiest school marm, and you know what she always says? Every child has the capacity to be everything. So support and encourage. But also, everything can mean some pretty bad stuff. So be on the lookout as well.

You always gotta be on the lookout. That. You always gotta be on the lookout. That sounded nice. I'm on the sense journey, so we're gonna do favorite taste and least favorite taste. The least favorite taste of Kelsey is her sister's Roz's hamburgers. You know Kelsey loves a hamburger, and Roz makes unfortunately the worst burgers.

They are too large, they are overcooked. She puts the ketchup on for, I don't know, it's just garbage, it's garbage. It's like those big restaurant burgers that you have to unhinge your jaw to eat. Yes, and overcooked. Gotta cut it in half. And she doesn't toast the bread,

like it's just a mess, it's a bad burger. You know what one of the worst feelings in the world is, is when you're sitting down to a burg or a hot dog, and then the bun, because it's like a crappy bun, starts to crumble in your hands. Yes! That's it, like literally so dry it crumbles. It's embarrassing too.

It's like, oh I couldn't keep it together, but it's like, no, this isn't my fault. Yeah, you're getting meat juice and ketchup on your fucking fingers. As someone with a shame kink, I like a crumbly burger. For everybody, we're on the same page, because you know what's the other problem with that type of bread?

I feel like you guys are sub-tweeting someone right now. I feel like you guys are putting a friend who does bad burgers on blast. Is it me? Did I cook a bad burger when it's bad? No, no, no. Me and Freddie LaBrette. No, no. And this is why we work so well together. It's like Freddie understood my mumbling to understand exactly the type of bread I was talking about and the worst part about that crumbly bread is also there's a thin layer of sogg. Yeah, that bread is so bad that it sucks up the ketchup. So it's got soggy and it's the worst. Unfortunately, the favorite taste is her brother-in-law's Niles burgers.

She's rolling the dice every time she comes up with her burgers. And it's also a point of contention. She's got to pretend to like it both ways. But yeah, Niles makes the perfect burger. The perfect burger. It's just perfect. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I play Francis F Farnsworth a kid with a sentient gun and friend Ergo gun Francis's peachy fact is that he has had a reach around He was at a Sadie Hawkins dance. He had gotten a note from Carly saying hey, we go to dance with me It was the happiest day of his entire life. They said meet me at the dance

So we went to the dance alone and his dad's oversized tuxedo that didn't fit him at all and he saw Carly coming towards Him and he was so excited. He's like, oh my god, she's gonna give me a kiss She's gonna say something to me And then she reached around him and grabbed a bowl of punch or a cup of punch that was behind him and then went back to Her boyfriend Shane who was staring at Francis the entire time. You can't recognize my handwriting. I like that I want to stick with what you first said though And that she grabbed the bowl of punch That was a name full

The cool kids are taking this ball Damn I'm sorry Francis you shooting a kid. I just want to clarify. Yeah. Yeah sure I'm going to be doing an hour of stand-up at the Lyric Hyperion I know are you a fuck? What the fuck? Said what the fuck Done a type five in public. I've done it to people that love me that will never tell me if it's bad It's gonna be probably pretty bad Oh, it's gonna be probably pretty bad

Tattoo of stand-up yeah, I'm gonna do it or I'm not gonna do I'm not gonna half-ass it by doing it correctly So it's gonna be Sunday March 23rd at 930 930 p.m. At the Lyric Hyperion hey,'s Anthony. So actually the March 23rd show is sold out, but there is a March 26th show at the same venue Lyric Hyperion had 9.30. And as far as I know, there's still tickets available for that one. If you want to come and like stalk me, that's probably the most convenient way to do it because you know where I'll be that moment. That's snug as a bug in a rug hours 9.30. Yeah, on a Sunday.

It's a good chance that nobody will be there which will be great because then i won't be bombing till people who matter just my loved ones god damn anthony i appreciate your zest and verve for life yeah quick question quick question for you yeah because i know this now there's a pattern when you go you go you go hard yeah back tattoo it's an awesome thing it's zero or 100 there's nothing in between 100 no one question though having done this now a few times once with your back, what's your conclusion here? Are you like, this is good that I go hard?

Or are you like, dang, maybe I should not go hard? Is your therapist like, you're susceptible to black and white thinking? Uh, yes. That's on my family crest. No, it's a bad idea. You should not go zero to a hundred. I can't even pretend that there's any time where it's ever really worked out for me and not once really no life is about gradations Very few things are all one thing or all another thing. So the fact that I can Exactly, I'm trying to force the world into my black and white view which doesn't work Anything he saw fast and the furious he was like a quarter mile at a time

I'm coward what no mile or a full mile at a time. Yeah. For this guy. And the real question, this hour of stand up. Yeah. Is this an hour of stand up that you changed the font to like 14 point font to get it to an hour? Or is this like an hour of stand up that was like, ooh, God, I got so much I gotta trim it down to an hour? I will tell you. I have another question.

Okay, I'll do his first. So God's Honest Truth is, I've written about two pages since I timed it last, but when I timed it last, it came out to 23 minutes. Oh my god. So I have a lot of- Now I'm going. I was sure.

I either have a lot of stand-up to write, or it's gonna be fine, because I'm just gonna be pausing, waiting for all those laughs to die down for 40 minutes. All the laughs. I'll be laughing. Do you have a poster for your act? Yeah. Okay. Who's opening?

That's fine You have an opener, I think she wanted to make it. Oh you want to make it. Yeah, I guess I'll see it though You make it that'll be more fun. Who's opening for you Anthony? Do you want to know? then no one Wait can I open for you like as a character can I just come up with a character wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, I really can't fuck with the margins on this one huh? And really quick, was there a name for the show? My first hour of stand up? It's called Anthony Burch tries stand up Anthony Burch tries stand up Actually you know what, I think your one is better My very first hour

And it's gonna look like a storybook on the poster that I'll design That's great, yeah I'll send you the dimensions for what it needs to be Yay Well, good luck Anthony Bonne chance mon ami Hey you guys, I don't know if you should actually go see Anthony's show, but I heard the opener is killer. You should check her out. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout, homemaker and robot and mother of one beautiful child. Fun fact.

What fresh hell have you for us this week, Beth? This one is like a little bit of a collab. I outsourced my talents to Matt. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. He's a great guy. Fun fact. What fresh hell have you for us this week, Beth? This one is like a little bit of a collab. I outsourced my talents to Matt this week. We kind of worked together and came up with this one. So enjoy.

So Trudy actually quite liked the experience of inhaling all of that mist last episode and holding her breath, you know, with that interest combined with her love, or not love, but her interest in Moth Jesus, you could say that Trudy is into auto-emothic asphyxiation. That took two people, huh? We were working around the clock. We almost didn't get it done in time. You should have hired a third person just to say no. That's the funniest one you've ever done.

Hi, I'm Will Campos. I'm a joker, I'm a smoker, I'm a midnight toker. I'm your... I'm a DM on the run. This is the show that we do and my dad fact for you all is that in bird collections, skin specimens prepared without bills are often called shmoos.

I love that. It's like a shmoo looks like a beakless bird, I guess. I don't know. I'm looking up shmoo facts. And this is the creepiest one because it said skin. I don't know, Anthony. It's one of those like, HB Lovecraft's always been like hey, man Like you know the scariest thing is not knowing something

Yeah, and like you know so this is like a fact where even I the author of it Don't know what it means skin specimen is definitely like the antecellar door like that's a very Pair of words it really rolls off I bet you I bet you they just do it for birds to be like will this fry up real good mmm also in medicine the schmoo sign refers to the appearance of a prominent rounded left ventricle and Dialated aorta on a plain AP chest radiograph giving the appearance of a shmoo saying something so scary That you can't describe it. It's kind of like on reality shows when the guy's always like I just love you so much I can't put into words

All right, do you guys want to do a podcast so scary we can't even describe it? Yeah, let's do it. We're pretty deep in the season now, guys. It's episode 20. And the plot's getting kind of complicated. I wrote some little recaps for each one of you. Oh my god.

OK. Trudy, your son is lying in a coma on Mothman's spaceship. His brain, your son's, and yours are coated with a weird science goo made from the venom of an alien called the Dollmaker. If you can get a big dose of the venom from the Dollmaker who has escaped the clutches of Project Heartland and is now running amok in the town of Peachyville,

Moth Jesus can hopefully use it to make a cure to save your son. From the library, you got a big fat dossier on the doll maker containing everything Project Heartland knows about it. Francis, a lot's been going on lately. Your beloved Car 98 sniper rifle Brunhilda has come to life and she's been whispering murderous thoughts in your ear. You also recently discovered you have the ability to astral project while you're sleeping.

While doing so, you encountered Sneaky Pete, as well as a couple of creepy sleep paralysis demons who burned a spiral scar into your flesh. Also while visiting Shane Senior in a dream, you managed to accidentally convince him that you are the one who shot his son's leg off, which you did. From the library, you got a book on how to remove curses from haunted objects, such as Kar98k rifles. You were also surprised when BB revealed that she found your name on a Project Heartland list of Zuzel seed candidates.

Kelsey, the mystery of your brother John's fate has taken yet another turn. First, you seemed to save his life by warning him in the past of his death in World War I. But then, while in the Mazjizis goo tube, you found yourself trapped in a looping series of memories where the details of John's death, both the battle and the nature of his wounds,

were constantly changing. You were rescued from this loop by Zuzel both the battle and the nature of his wounds, were constantly changing. You were rescued from this loop by Zuzel who whisked you off to his sexy gothic interdimensional castle where he showed you a version of your true self of which your consciousness is merely a fraction. Having perceived the true nature of all that is Kelsey, you are able to unlock a message that your brother has hidden in the memories of his old charm bracelets. Wait, so if my brother didn't die in the war, does that mean Don Draper doesn't

get to start his life over? Oh my god. Oh no. Oh no. Dang, this whole thing takes place in the Draperverse. That was the twist. You were able to unlock a message that your brother is hidden in your memories

of his old charm bracelet, the following sequence of charms, an eyeball, a compass, a peach, a bison, an hourglass, a lock, and a skull. So it would appear your brother is alive after all, but then while exploring the library you came upon a book called The Diary of John Grammar. Why does Project Heartland have your brother's diary and why was it in the Confiscated Documents Department? You'll have to press on and read the diary to find out. Blake Lively. Ah, the best for last. Dog, you're good, man.

Oh, hell yeah, dude. Aw, I love that. Fantastic. When we last left our group, you had escaped a spooky library with some fun books. You discovered a torn-up man on the ground who said that he got done did by a spooky indescribable alien known as the dollmaker apparently we are outside the library well no actually you guys didn't leave the library you're all still

peeking out the door of the library to see this three stooges four stooges also Milton and BB are here BB got the list of Z library to see these three stooges. Yeah. Four stooges. Also, Milton and Bebe are here. Bebe got the list of Zuzel Seed candidates, and Milton got a weird, creepy book that seemed to freak him out that he hasn't shown anyone yet. And outside, you saw the two guys you stuck in the big pile of goo who've

been ripped to shreds by this monster known as the Dollmaker. One of them whispered that to you right before he expired. We'll say it's like, Don is just starting to crest and peek out from behind, you know, the old horizon. Hi, it's me, Don. Oh, hello, Don Draper. Hi.

I closed the door, because we saw this day, people was like, Trudy, Trudy, maybe you want to call Moth Jesus? We should probably, maybe can you like drop a rope ladder or something for us? Ah, yes, let us return to the airship in the overworld map. Yes, it's safe in the airship. That's kind of the only place I feel like we might be safe. Okay, yes, I wonder if he gave me a way to communicate with him. This was so silly of

me not to have worked out beforehand. I was just so enjoying our time together. Oh it's okay, I could astral project and look for him if somebody can like knock me out real quick. As you say that, you hear a knock on the door. The library's closed! Uh, hello ma'am, telegram. Telegram for Trudy Trout. A telegram? What's going on out there? What's with these guys? It's a dopey team from the local Western Union office.

Slide the telegrammer into the door. Are you guys okay here? That guy looks pretty messed up. Your job is to deliver telegrams. That's his question. Okay, I'm just gonna call the police. Thanks. You guys called the police yet? No I did! Yes, they're on their way!

They're on their way, it's all good. Give me a persuade roll. No. No, no, no. Ooh, 11. Oh wow. Let me look at what my persuade is though before I celebrate. My persuade is good, my fast talk is good.

11's great, you're probably. Unless you don't have any persuade. No I do, I have 40 so everything's working out. I got two. Oh wow. And I persuaded it's 55? It seems kind of shady, but, you know, it's against the law to lie to a member of the Western Union office. Here you go.

And he slips the telegram through the new attorney. Why are you all persuaded with that? Guys, we just committed wire fraud. I don't think it's illegal to talk to people from the Western Union. You know? So you're saying you could be lying to me right now. I don't know! I just said I don't know that. Trudy, take the W. Tell the W. Okay, yes. Okay, yes. And I take the right now. I don't know, I just said I don't know that. Trudy, take the W.

Okay, yes, and I take the telegram. The guy runs off terrified. And I read it because I can read now. The telegram says, To Trudy and Trudy friends, Moth Jesus urgently needed in Persikovograd. Timmy safe and stable, Moth Jesus shall return as soon as possible. Hart MJ. Holy shit, he said that all in one sentence with no stops.

One sentence, no stops. Holy shoo. How quick do we think as soon as possible. Heart MJ. Holy shit, he said that all in one sentence with no stops. One sentence, no stops. Holy show. How quick do we think as soon as possible is? I don't know. He's not from our world exactly, so time might work differently. And I need to see if any- Probably an episode, right? Probably at least Rudy. An episode of what, Ms. Kramer? One of my manic episodes.

A murder, murder, murder episode? Exactly, at least four hours. Children? It is unusual that those episodes are so long. They got a fit in three murders. Oh, yes, Blake, I'm so sorry. What were you saying? Well, it sounds like we need to find our own transport.

Children? Yes, Mr. Lively? How did you get here? Oh, well, it's quite a tale. Ah, Milton, you are an idiot, BB. You are the smart one. how did you get here? Oh, well, it's quite a tale. Ah Milton. You are an idiot Bebe you are the smart one. How did you get here? Excuse me, sir, mr. Lively I know you and I have worked together on many cases in the past But Milton is an associate of mine now and he's as capable of telling the story as I am

Well, except he has no eyes. Well, what does that have to do with anything? You have no heart sir, and she kicks you in the shin. The eyes are relevant. It's okay BB. It's okay Visual details of how you got here. It's okay, BB. You can go ahead and tell the story I guess and so BB says well Let me tell you it's been quite a tale First because you guys told me to go hunt down Milton here I tracked him down to the Anderson ice, where the Anderson gang had him tied up, so of course I snuck in and busted him out, and then we heard about this huge fire at the bunker! We went there and discovered this crazy lab complex underneath.

We met this dog, this crazy dog named Arlo, and anyway we got this cool spell book from him, and I learned a couple cool spells, and Arlo told us that all of you guys went to the research lab, so I went down there trying to find you. Well not all of us, we didn't have Tony. Oh, where is Mr. Collette? Did you see Tony? I thought he was with you! Is he not with you?

No, where's Mr. Collette? Where? Who? Tony! Oh, Collette! Ah, maybe he's back at the car lot. Okay, well maybe we can look for him, maybe we can find him. I'm sure he, I mean I hope he got out, right? He got out. He's a pretty streetwise kind of guy, I'm sure he's fine. He had two broken legs. He had two broken legs. Yeah

Last time I saw him. I forgot about that I think we should go to the car lot because the tension of whether or not Tony is still alive Okay, well yeah, we can go check on him we can go check on him for sure yeah I'm sure he's fine. I'm sure he's. And that would be a great place to get a car! And we can go to the other places we need to go! Okay, do you guys want to go now? Oh, oh, oh, one more question. Oh, you were telling us to- I was, yeah, I kinda was. I was kinda telling you a story. Yeah, go ahead.

So we went down to the research labs, and we found this whole world of Bigfoots down there And we told them that we were looking for you guys, and they were not happy about that So we were like down there for what seemed like weeks and we managed to escape with the help of like this swamp thing monster guy and we started a revolution down there. Anyway, long story short, we got out just in time to see Truie's house blow up. So we ran in there to see what was going on and then we got captured by Brian and those guys and then we were about to get sacrificed and that's how we met up with you. So we did ask how you got here though, specifically like vehicle wise. Yes, so no cars in this story. Oh, no, no, no, no car, no car. Oh, you just walked. So we did ask how you got here though specifically like vehicle wise

No, no no car no car. I just walked we got captured we got captured by and they had a car Okay, well, and I think that's the car we came in right over there, and she points to The tires I remember leaving one with tires so we could escape if we needed to quick Okay, anyway, that's the whole situation and Milton was really brave and he helped us out a lot. Thank you. Thank you My part I'm sorry about your eyes, obviously, but I'm glad you seemed like you found a friend. Yeah great Okay. Yeah, I did. I guess it was all worth it. Well, no, I'm so sorry about what happened I think we should get the kids to maybe my sister's Yeah, I I I I I I I I I want to go home. Okay. Yeah, let's get you home Milton Can you take BB? BB you should probably

These kids aren't gonna be safe at your sister's house. What my sister's the nicest But then your sister's connected to you and they're looking for you. They're also looking for the kids on their own Are you saying my sister's in danger? Yes. Well, we're safe then. We gotta get Milton and BB and then my sister and then- Yes, we gotta get the car and then collect every single NPC and put them all together in the car.

I was about to ask what we should do next, but that seems like the best thing to do next then. Yeah. This station wagon seats many. Ah, we could give these people and entrust them into the care of Tony How many cars are there here we can each? crazy taxi it So your son's safe, that's good.

That's what it said. Yes. We have two of the keys, right? I look at the DM, right? We have two keys. Wow, that's right. You guys already got two of the keys. That's great.

The library and Trudy's. The third key is with whoever is the leader of the containment facility. Cause it was said that three directors each had a key to this weapon that will destroy the mother of Zuzel, which is what we all want, right? Yes. I think. Yeah. Okay, well then yeah, that's where the third key is. Is containment, which is what we all want, right? Yes. I think. Yeah. Okay, well then yeah, that's where the third key is.

Okay. Containment, which if I remember the sign correctly, was at the zoo, the Peachyville Zoo. With the animals! Oh, I do love the zoo. I love the zoo. We always do a field trip to the zoo. So team, we got three options. Team, I don't know why I said team. But team, we got three options.

We are a team! We are a team! Are we a team? Are we a team, Ann? We're a team. Kelsey? We're a team. Are we a team? We got three options. Team, I don't know why I said team. But team, we got three options. We are a team. We are a team. Are we a team? Are we a team, Ann? Kelsey? Are we a team? We were a team. You're honorary guttural screams now.

Yeah, no, you're part of the guttural scream now. Oh, excellent. Do you bowl? Quite well. Oh. If you can bowl half as well as you survived, then you're gonna be in the championships for sure. Yeah, well we'll tell Tony later that he's been replaced.

I will. Because Tony was the worst. Okay, so we can either go after the Dollmaker, right? Get to the third key, and we also have to save all our friends, because maybe they're getting hunted. I would vote for the last one first, because that's pretty time sensitive. Time sensitive. It's not going to take long for your asshole nemesis to tell all the other bad guys that

we escaped. Yes, okay. Where should we take them, though? Where's safe? I was thinking either Tony's cars, cars, cars. He's connected with us. Oh, good point. Well, wait a second, Mr.

Lively. Yes. They don't know that you're involved. Ah, yes. Yes. Because you're just, you're like just a new guy in this, right? That's true. Well, where do you live?

They have not been seen. Yes. Where do you live? They could not been seen, yes. Where do you live? They could live in my suburban tract home. It's the one that looks like the ones next to it on L Street. L Street? L Street. Wow, I didn't know Blake was an L Street.

Maybe you were rich, yeah. I have saved up much monies from my wartime profiteering. Wait. New Blake lore. I have saved up much monies from my wartime profiteering. Wait. New Blake lore. What exactly did you sell during the war? It is not about what you sell, it's about what you find in various places, off the bodies of those who have laid before you.

Francis leans over to Kelsey and is like, if he stole Nazi gold, what do we do? No, no, no, no No, this kind of war profiteering is I've sold it all it's just Profiteers don't just collect stuff. Yeah, cuz they think it looks cool The selling it's almost the worst like that's what makes Well, I did sell to many people who thought it looked cool What did you what did you that's very nice? Not all those people could be good surely. What did you sell mr. Lively various items? I have found in department stores

Wait, what were in department stores? Well, there's no one there. Oh, okay. So you shoplifted from- Ah, but truth, you remember? There was a big war. Okay, you know what? Everybody, Blake is a grown man. You're a child and we're women.

So we have not been to war. So let's just take a step back. Holy shit. So let's just take a step back. Wow. Let's just take a step back and maybe we don't understand everything Blake went through. And if maybe we would stop explaining more,

we could do our best to ignore it and move on with what we need to do. Holy shit. All I'm saying is that I managed to afford a nice suburban home on L Street. Yeah, that's great, man. We don't need to know anymore. The richest street. You know they say in Peachyville, the higher up the alphabet, the richer. And there's only 12 streets, so L is the richest street in Pichuville. So what are you gonna say, Trudy? I'm sorry. We've all done things we're not proud of. And I think that it would be lovely to see your home.

I'm quite proud of my home. Oh, OK. OK. Well, I think regardless of how you feel about it, it would be lovely to go inside and hide our friends there. I'm sorry, I just had to break the scene. I can't get over Matt off the dome knowing that L was the 12th one That was really quick I literally checked I had to count them all and Matt knows that fast that it was L Cause M is Matt and I know it's 13

Oh, okay, well there you go Anyway, sorry I didn't mean to do that Okay, cause Matt M. Matt Anyway, sorry I didn't mean it. Wait, why are you never minding? Because Matt. I'm Matt. Matt be Matt and the bat. Wait, why? But I don't know what it's getting at. We can't know what their life is like. We're right at the beginning of the alphabet. I've never even once in my life thought like- Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait What's W you should know this 22 23 23 23

23 Freddie I you should know this Six or seven He's not doing codes. You didn't do codes as a kid What the fuck are you talking about? Okay, stop! It's lame! What the fuck are you talking about? You didn't do a code store anymore I'm so glad I interrupted you All your words in your mouth is fucking crazier than I asked, man Listen, I've done the thing where you count the letters Last time I did that, they put me away They put me away for a month

You never Look, I liked X-Files and Jase Bond and I would do spy like codes and if you do that a lot that I'm saying you do a code like so what was that one and then you reverse maybe a 26 instead so I'm just saying you never did code you do like number site for yeah you are also who are you sending code to because I remember you telling me that you did X files where you were molded and there was no scully. So were you writing codes to yourself? Yeah, it's called playing without friends Oh my god!

Alright, okay. Where were we? We're going to Plink's house! No, no, no, no, no, no What we're doing is, we're gonna check the pockets of these dead guys to see if they have keys to a car that doesn't have slash tires Then we are all going to go together to Tony's Cars Cars Cars and each of us is going to get a car of our own We are then going to as one large group of cars a convoy if you will Go from house to house collecting every person that matters to us that we care about Then we will deposit them all at Blake Leiby's L Street mansion

Francis So now that we've done that So now that we've done that Fuck that sounds like a sound plan. I will let my butler know to expect And Francis I gotta say I feel a little bad calling you kid cuz I gotta say right now You sound a little bit like a man. I'm very proud of you. You're a grown-up right now I just think in very very clear steps It's just how my brain works, but thank you you hear a voice of Francis say yes You are a man. You're a big strong man who knows how to take charge and take action in his own special way Yeah, okay that kind of had an effect on me that I don't love

Once again you find the rifle Brunhilde strapped around your back. What's the first step here? You guys are gonna lose pockets. Oh, so it's okay for you to do this. We're not gonna sell it at a place like Heath! But you're going to take the car to a used car lot, and then you're going to acquire cars? Tell me financially how does this work? You know what, you're right. You're right. You're right. You're as cool as hell to steal.

We can't judge war Lest we've been in it or an adult man You find hold on one second let me pull up my will prepare two real pockets Bring them over to me They're jingling Demanding Matt put his hands down his pants. That's weird All right, we check the pocket all right all right all right all right So you see these two bodies the goo is more or less dissolved at this point Blake you can use your hands again

so Yeah, you can use them go search in the pockets like that feels like really good like when you get water in your ear Oh, yeah, and then kind of really yeah, there's the best so one of these bodies. They're in sort of different states I will say girl look at that body That one's in Arizona that one's in, Missouri Yes, thank you Anthony the guy who just talked to you He's been like fucked up like bitten and disemboweled and like jacked up. The other body is almost completely eviscerated.

Oh. Like it feels like somebody devoured this thing. I got eight that one, and then started eating another one. One of these guys is, it's almost like it's been completely exsanguinated as well. Like there's just been like, it almost has the look of like a crumpled up juice box. Ooh, it drinks blood, cool.

Oh, no. Just looking for the pockets. So everyone can- And has the goo around them dissolved as well? Yes. Okay. You know, just because we should be doing this more everybody give me a sanity roll. No problem 22. Not the worst bodies I've looted.

55 and my sanity is 40. Okay. I also fail. I got a 66 and my sanity is 47. I fumbled with a 96. Oh shit, okay. Oh, shit. OK. Oh, no. I think you're about to find out why you don't do sanity

rolls that often. No. No. No. No. No. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan,

for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Blood! Blood! Blood everywhere! Kelsey! Kelsey just runs down the street. Blood! Kelsey, okay. She's become a small Victorian child. I was like, oh, I need to do this sanity thing with Kelsey I had planned, but I just I'll give him a little one to start.

Like this won't be enough to trigger it, but you fumbled. Okay, so the two of you guys just give me a 1d4 sanity loss. Three. Three. Kelsey, when you see this, you have a kind of break with reality, and you blink, and you find yourself somewhere else. You are still in Peachyville.

You're teaching class. You're in the middle of a history lesson. You're explaining the history of the United States, and you realize as you're writing, all these kids are looking at you. You're in the middle of a lecture about how America lost World War I. I'm writing America lost World War I because dot dot dot.

And I'm just staring at them? Yeah. Class, just take a moment. We're supposed to be learning math, right that's what I meant World War one plus World War two equals World War three what's World War two what's World War two what are you talking about? World War two is what happens when we lost World War one but we didn't lose World War one you know what everybody take a break go to recess it's recess time I'm gonna sit down okay so these kids all get up and they're just kind of weirded out and they walk away

are you kidding they'd be like fuck yeah! Recess baby! All the kids go where? They run out. Are you kidding? They'd be like, fuck yeah! She said, baby! All the kids are away! I was the only one out of the classroom. And then there'd be like one nerd that's like, but Mrs. Grammar, you said you were gonna teach us PEMDAS. And then while you are doing that, all of you see Kelsey all of a sudden start freaking out. And-

It's like Kelsey's really gonna be playing crazy taxi. She's crazy. And this Kelsey is very confused as to where she is and who all of you are and what she's doing here. Oh, hi Trudy. Oh, oh, you're here. Oh, what's wrong? Well, do you know about why we lost World War I?

No, I think you should answer that question. Why did we lose World War I? I do know even though I'm the teacher, so I know it, I'm just, it's a test. Kelsey, Kelsey. Pop quiz. Pop quiz. I slap her. World War I? I do know, even though I'm the teacher, who I know it, I'm just, it's a test. It's a pop quiz, pop quiz. I slap her. Give me a fighting brawl role, please. I fail.

You fail? Uh-huh, I slap myself. Okay. You side yourself. Well, beside me, she had a slap-a-woman. Anyone else wanna slap Kelsey? Oh, yeah, sorry, you must have stayed back, cause you were never really good at history.

I get a super success. Wow, okay. Oh no, well that's awful. I liked it. Kid, what the hell? I get a super success Wow Kid what the hell Kelsey you snap back to All three of you said that to me A lot of people get scared when they see Viscera. I mean, I got scared. It's freaky.

I don't like it. Just think of it as tomato soup. You check the bodies. I'm just going to look away. No problem. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check. Beep, beep, beep. Why did I say that?

So squishy. Any money, lucre. There's like 30 cents. This guy's a millionaire. He's got to live on Elstree. 30 cents. I pocket it immediately. This will be six hamburgers.

Can I roll psychology and see if I can get more insight into what's going on with Kelsey? Sure. Yeah Dang dude. I fail. The labyrinth of a woman's mind is unknowable. A woman's heart is an ocean of secrets. This must be that feminist mystique That must be that feminist mystique they're always talking about Now on the sort of disintegrated Exsanguinated body you find the wallet and keys of buddy bets owner of Betts buys electronics

In town yes, so you've got his wallet and his keys now They seem to have his like office keys as well as his car keys the other corpse belongs to mushy Callahan of Callahan auto parts He's also got got his keys on it's appropriate It's funny because this one is not mushy, but the other one is actually buddy Freddy since you're up close here Give me a spot-hidden role. Mmm. I narrow my eyes and I say 38 out of 33 I don't see anything. Okay, never mind do a car keys, but car keys. Yes You have two sets of car keys. If only there was a button that we can check which car this belongs to let us go try every door I come up with all kinds of ideas all the time all right I will throw you guys a bone and say that the car that you did not let the air out of Old rusty jalopy that belongs to buddy bets the man who owns bet spy is gonna fucking drive a shit box

Not everybody needs a fancy automobile. He lived on a street He was hocked up to his ears and dead keeping that store afloat big box stores come on. It's hard not life for a Well, we have a vehicle okay, whoo I will drive As you clamber in you find in the glove compartment search this vehicle for anything You just you know you find some bets bucks like some coupons But you also find Bill Will has several copies of a man

Oh, the map of Peachyville. Holy, Will has several copies of a map. Oh, a colored map. Will, how did you know we were gonna do A's through L Street? It's like a magic trick! We even talked about- oh, it's very cute. It looks like a peach. Wow. Did you draw this, Will? Oh, yeah.

It's shaped like a peach. It looks kind of like a brain and a heart. And a peach. It's a peach. I did draw this, Freddie. Wow. Ah, dear listener, you're probably wondering what this map looks like. We've posted a picture of it on our Patreon.

Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Go there! So what you have in front of you is a map of the town of Peachyville. I've marked some landmarks on there. You guys can add to this map as you will, you know, as we kind of go through. No, this is everything that's in the town. And the McDonald's is in the old town. With the library, the bowling, and the old consoles. I mean, it's on the way to Tony's's is in the old town with the library the bowling

I mean, it's on the way to Tony's cars cars cars and anybody hungry. Oh you guys want to go to McDonald's Might as well stop by yeah, they've drive through back then they had car service I okay because this was like the beginning of that era. Let's see. I said it was like six in the morning Yeah, so when you get to McDonald's, it's closed. Now let's keep going to Chotis. Oh, guess we'll just have to wait. Oh, yeah. We're waiting. Wait, wait. Let's wait for them to open it up. All right. What time do they open?

McDonald's, we'll say they open at nine. Okay, no, we won't wait. No, let's do our friends and family, obviously. We'll bring McDonald's later. Here's how I see this working, and you guys tell me if you agree or disagree. This blood-sucking alien is killing people in the town. There's a cult running around doing God knows what.

On what seems to be something of a timeline. So how I see this next portion of the game going is that every sort of group working in the city right now, you guys, the monster, the cult, a couple other players that are making out in the wind, you each get three actions a day. One for the morning, like let's say 8 a.m. to 12. Breakfast to lunch.

Breakfast to lunch, lunch to dinner, and then sleepy time and late night. You should probably sleep for one of those. Like let's say 8 a.m. To 12 Breakfast to lunch Breakfast to lunch Lunch to dinner And then Late night Sleepy time And late night You should probably sleep for one of those What? We gotta sleep? Yeah dog This is a fucking great life-saving now

And you guys can obviously team up on your actions You can do whatever you want So how I was figuring is like You guys tell me what you want to do As a group with your morning time right now And then depending on where you go You might bump into people We'll see how it goes

I see, I see I feel like the move is just we continue on we're to Tony's Cars Cars Cars. Yeah Tony's Cars I think. Okay so we're gonna reconnoitre at Tony's Cars Cars Cars. Because we all need multiple cars. We need multiple cars. Yeah. We're not gonna be able to fit in just one. How many people do we need to save? Let's count them. What is it? My parents. That's two. Why don't you guys whip up a list? Two. And then my brother and sister? Four. Four. And Milton and BBRD with us. That's right. Six. That's six six and there's obviously four of us so that's ten already Trudy who do you need to save well Timmy but he's safe yeah spaceship yeah anybody

else well I I guess I'm a little embarrassed I felt that my life was so enriched before and yet now I'm realizing that maybe there isn't anybody know That means two cars we just need to ask Blake we don't know Blake very well Blake anybody we need to save no Just you were all going to the head so two cars or a big van. Yes. Yeah, yeah, it's cars cars by itself man Yeah, do they have a only one way to find out? Okay, Let's go our action. We choose is to go to Tony's car Decided very well you drive your jalopy to Tony's cars cars cars, so you're there open casket funeral happening From his assistant Died I pretty sure his assistant died as well. This is empty. This is empty right?

Also there's no casket. You were consumed. Yeah there's nothing to look at. Somebody just give me like a luck roll. Who's feeling lucky? I mean not me. Not me. Not me. Francis give me a luck roll. My luck is 79. Ooo. I love those big numbers, and I got a 95 It's not fumble though 96 is a fumble. No you're close. You're close So you roll up with your car to Tony's cars cars cars which we'll say is like there's a big pile of mail out front Hasn't been that many days. There's not a big pile of mail out front. No. Yeah, there's a big pile It's like all debt collection

Freddie once you paint a picture of the state that Tony left this place in the window is busted out front. No, it's a big pile. It's like all debt collection. Yeah. Freddie, why don't you paint a picture of the state that Tony left this place in? The window is busted out of his trailer, right? That's right. There's peel marks that are just leading directly into the intersection. Generally, a fine film of day-old dust on things. And I think it's pretty clear that there's just

like no one in this lot. That proprietor does not appear to be here. I feel we are operating under wartime rules, which means... Yeah, we know about junior wartime rules. I think we can go and acquire any cars we need by breaking into his place and maybe borrowing them and if you know... Hey, hey, Tony is our friend! Yeah.

Well... So he'd probably be fine with it. He'd be fine our friend. Yeah. Well. So he'd probably be fine with it. He'd be fine with it. Yeah. I think there's two, unfortunately, I think there's two ways to look at this. Either Tony's alive and well,

in which case he'll understand that we're doing this for our families and he would be okay. Or Tony didn't make it, in which case, as Blake has already showed us, you can kind of do whatever you want with it. The dead have no property. Yes. Well, yeah. The dead have no property.

I think that's true. Minus the two coins you put in their eyes for Caron. Well, I mean, thinking that Tony may in fact be dead and that we were his bowling team, should we go around and maybe say a few words about him? Why do you assume he's dead? He's a shifty guy. He's probably just hiding. No, because he would be...

Thank you for starting, Blake. Okay, who wants to go next? Uh, Tony owned a car dealership. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your share. I deep down feel like Tony is probably gone because the last time we saw him, he was running

away as his friends were getting consumed by a monster and he ran to a place where the exit was already closed and fire was consuming many innocent people including him. And his legs were broken. So I think he died like he lived, which was a coward, unfortunately, but he was part of our team and for that I will be forever grateful. Even though he wasn't the best on the team, he still showed up most of the time to practice and I will miss him. I will miss him. Thank you. Tony used to talk about how he wanted to get a turkey in bowling which we all know

because we're good bowlers is when you get three strikes in a row. Now, Tony never got that turkey, but I remember one Thanksgiving, he said that he was going home and that he was going to make a turkey or a chicken or something. And so I like to think that he really got that bird in death, if not in life.

That's right. He's rolling the turkeys up there in heaven, big dog. Are we sure that's where he went? Let's take his car. Let's open the door to his trailer. Yes. I wanna look for all the keys to the car. Obviously that's probably not in his trailer.

Yeah, it's probably in the dealership. Luckily, I am a locksmith I Would like to go up to the front door okay and try it okay go for it. There's a big box It says keys keys keys He's on van Nines yeah, yeah, it's locked I really want you to pick a lot. I've rolled us 89 out of 70 I've rolled us 89 out of 70 Don't worry team I have been doing a lot of rock lifting. There's a rock here. I pick it up

Also you notice right after you throw the rock that the key was under the rock The door swings open and you find yourself in the office of Tony Collette There's a box here that says keys keys keys keys. Can we scan the car lot? Is there any car that's big enough for ten people? Does he sell van That's a luck roll I think that's a luck think. Okay, so what are you looking for? Either one car that houses ten people or two cars that house five people each. Yes, and look at 1950s utility van.

Like the milkman. But instead of bottles of milk, they'll be our friends and family. 1950s utility van. We don't care about seat belts, as long as they can get in there. Somehow you guys find a minivan in the 1950s and the minivan trilogy is completed. Yay! This Odyssey we're going on is gonna be so sweet.

It's just for my own sake like what's our car? Alright, as you step into Tony's office you see it out the window gleaming in the sunlight as the dawn rises and you see a beautiful new whip. The 1959 Bedford CA Dormobile Romany Caravan. Dormobile? D-O-R-M-O-B-I-L-E Romany R-O-M-A-N-Y Caravan. Hell yeah! This is a classic. Oh shit!

That's a van if I've ever seen one. That was Britain's answer to the VW camper van Holy shit. Whoa, this thing's a chunky bull. No that thing the roof lifts up and makes like an accordion room Yeah, let's have like an accordion. It makes like a room so you can like stand in it. So there you go It looks like the blue family stair car now, did Tony paint anything stupid on this van? So I think he acquired it used, so I feel like it must have been a delivery vehicle, or you know, like- Well if it's a camper van, this is like a family car. Yeah, no, it's that German family.

Oh, you know what it says? The German family came here to Peachyville, and they road tripped a lot, but then they lost their two kids in an accident, and they couldn't look at their family van without remembering the death of their two children. Because it's painted on it two kids Yeah, so they traded it in and fucking Tony just fleeced them and gave them the shitty his two-person car in return So yes, it says Gunderson family van on the side Van it kind of looks like a pug There's two adorable airbrushed children on the side of it, which makes it look like that's its kill count Okay, let's find all right we can fit all of our family and friends in this thing for us. Let's find the keys

Submarine hole it's got the back. Yeah, it rules this thing rules. This is sick whip. It's pretty cool. Okay, so yes you Our live shows we're gonna have to come in this car. We have to find this car. Yeah, Freddy city new van. That's true. That's true. Where are the keys? Where I feel like the key like where would Tony have the keys? I think he has a box that says keys keys keys Okay, so yes. Yeah, there's a big box on the table It says keys keys keys on it and there's one that has like six hours trying every single one in there No, there's one that has like, you know one those like little plastic things They can hold a photo in of this family of four And then when you open it you hear a shotgun cocking

Unhand my keys You, ruffians, step back from the keys The cops have been called Tony it's us And Blake's the one that opened it so I want to see Blake respond to this voice Well, it seems to be coming from everywhere. Oh, it's just like the commercial! Ah, yes.

He's not really here! Tony? Is he alive? Oh, it's a recording. I said you need to drop everything you got and step away! Put your hands down! Tony, it's us! Your body down! And your hands! On top of your head!

I'm doing what you're asking, look! Kelsey, watch this. Tony, if this is you and not a recording, say the word hamburger. On top of your head. I'm doing what you're asking look Kelsey watch this Tony If this is the you and not a recording say the word hamburger. He would never listen to you No, I'm still not buying it What you most liked about being on the Gutterill Screams. You know, I should bring some of these hamburgers to my bowling team. Ah, I love it because they carry my ass.

I don't have to throw anything. He knew, he knew. I just chuck it into the gutter and we still win. Oh, this is a recording, huh? It's a recording. And oh this is a recording huh it's a recording it's not keep down all you thieves keep your fucking hands where I can see that this is a really long recording even so this is like yards of real real tape like just grab the keys let's just let's just walk out of here

ah you're saying he is not here right now but yet he seems to be watching I'm watching you okay I'm watching every move that you make You're saying he is not here right now, but yet he seems to be watching I'M WATCHING YOU Okay I'M WATCHING EVERY MOVE THAT YOU MADE Kelsey's gonna go grab the key that's clearly GET OUT OF THERE! GET BACK OUT! Freddie, Freddie! Tony Collette's gonna get one last roll Give me a posthumous intimidate roll from Tony Collette Ohhhhh okay, okay.

53, that's a failure. Okay. Kelsey grabs the key for the Bedford- Hey, get back here! Get back here! Okay, bye, Tony. The rest of you, stay down! So, yeah.

So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah.

So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. So, yeah. I Would miss you, but I found a space for you in my heart And you'll be there one more word out of you and I'll fuck you I want a real spot hit it to see if I can see where this recording is sure go ahead a 12 There's like a fucking Dolby Atmos number of speakers It's all the car speakers. Yeah, I want to know like where the record like where's the record? Where's the record? It's under his desk It's just a reel to reel tape under yes. I grab it all of it

I grabbed the recording I grabbed like if it's a cassette tape or whatever it is a giant quarter inch real real What is the recording saying as he reaches for it? It is a giant quarter inch real real recording saying he reaches for it Well, I agree true I don't think I would miss them but it was nice to hear his voice again Maybe yeah, maybe someday we'll want to hear it again. Maybe but not today And we walk out and I want to secretly throw it in the trash I got a five! Alright, um, everyone else give me a spot hidden to see if you noticed Kelsey throwing. You gotta do a super duper success though. I got a one. You got a one? Really?

That is crazy! So Blake saw it. I failed. I failed very badly. Actually no, I succeeded. I just have a high spot hidden. I feel like with a super duper one, I feel like I should see something in my head. I succeeded. I just have a high spot hidden. I feel like with a super duper one, I feel like I should see something useful to us in

the trash. Right, I know this is through the way, but in the trash, what is there? Yeah, well if I do something stupid and Freddy Roll's really good, you should give him a little extra treat also. Ah, there appears to be a fully loaded 1911 Have a gun I'll take care of that Shooting guns here's what you find is that by sheer miracle this did not go off

But Tony had also booby trapped the recorder And it's just fucking mere happenstance that it didn't blow fucking I see that I won't roll sandy check knowing that I just knew yes I should have died if not for Tony's complete it I failed my sanity check roll 1d6 Five oh my god that sucks. I'm having a rough go of it Kelsey Your mind is a very important thing to keep not fucked up. All right. Give me an intelligence roll, Matt.

You want to fail this. I mean, I don't have a choice, Anthony. I don't know how to tell you. I want you to will it. Woo! I got a 72 and I, my intelligence is 70. Okay, you would have snapped to another reality of Kelsey if you had one.

We would have to deal with that again. I almost died, I almost died. You threw away the point. No, no, you did not see that! You did not see it! I saw it, but I- No, no, he saw it, only Blake. Beth is important, only Blake.

Only Freddie rolled the dude. No, she got a success too! I succeeded. Did you beat Matt's super duper success though? Yeah, I did get super duper success though. No, but I know. No. No.

Everybody knows but Francis. So we have a van, we have the keys to a van. As you are clambering into the van you see another van Oh, we could have gone that one. No It's being driven. Oh Somebody else already got it Look at somebody else's plate just focus on your own across the street you see another van pulling into the

parking lot of Tyrus's Golden Walk The Chinese restaurant that's across the street from Tony's Tony lived like on the lot, right? Yeah Yeah, which immediately strikes you all is weird because nobody's Chinese food in PCVL. No, it's a popular restaurant but it's an open for a couple hours McDonald's doesn't even open right now. Tyrus doesn't open till lunch. And you see four guys in bison masks get out of this van. If there's one more guy, it would be a different burger place. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Four guys, you see? But what if it was five guys? Don't laugh, Anthony. He said your name because he knew you'd laugh and he kept going hard on it.

He did it. You gave it to him, Anthony. You gave it to him. You reinforced that. Oh, Anthony. You reinforced it. What did you do? Wow, good thing it wasn't that.

Really expensive. Peanuts. So you see these guys get out and they start walking towards the front door of Tyrus's restaurant. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff.

And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at fizz.ca. Should we roll out quietly then? Yeah, I mean, we need to save our family.

I don't know. Nobody picked him as part of their family we need to save, right? No. Tony or the bison? No, not the bisons. Tyrus. Who's Tyrus? Yeah.

Oh, yes! He wasn't part of our ten. No. We gotta do what we gotta do. It could come from the the cops though let them know that the four people are showing up I'm here to be on the side of the bad guys. I guess it already know that that's happening Then we need to stay quiet and stealthy. Let's watch Let's get in the van and roll up there and just watch to see if we could watch from here Okay, but if they see us, would you rather be like, oh they saw us now

We gotta run to the van and drive away. We're in the van right now Kelsey. Let's get closer Why? You're gonna roll the van up. What are you crazy? Let's just go home Okay, let's just wait for them to go inside and then we leave. I hear three different things we all want to do So let's decide. Who is driving the van? Trudy's driving the van. Trudy what does Trudy do? Trudy That's doing like this little head wiggle right now, it's crazy. Pulls a wire out of the- Ah Trudy we what does Trudy do? Trudy... That's doing like this little head wiggle right now, it's great. Pulls a wire out of the... Ah Trudy, we do have the keys. I know, but I'm going to start the car in a special quiet way that only robots know how to do.

Hahahaha! Hell yeah. So what are you doing? Just starting the car in a quiet way. Where the car, where the wires are near the wheel. What is that called again? The steering column? You got it.

The steering column, yes. She pulls a wire out of the steering column and then is about to hot wire the car, but then she pulls an additional wire in, the quiet wire, and then starts the car using those wires. I guess we'd call this an electrical repair roll. Holy shit, we're actually using electrical repair. Holy shit, electrical repair? Okay. About time.

I'm sure Beth put a ton of points in. Fuck off! Fuck off! I have 20 and I got 12. Yay! All right, yeah, you find the quiet wire, which was standard in every car back in the 50s, so that husbands could sneak out on their wives

and go gamble and have affairs. And yeah, the car silently turns on, I guess. Okay, get in. We're getting out of here. Okay, we're already in. Okay, yay. Are we just going? Okay, so Trudy, are we gonna watch the Bisons,

or are we just gonna go get our family? Well, I guess we can watch for six Mississippi and then go get our family. Okay, I like that. I hope they do something fucked up in six seconds. We'll roll really quietly. One Mississippi. What do we see?

On the first Mississippi, you see Tyrus approach the front door and then he looks confused. He's like, who are these guys? No, they're gonna kill him. Oh no, no, I feel bad for Tyrus is the problem. and then he looks confused. He's like who are these guys? Second Mississippi Tyrus opens the door a crack and one of the Bisons kicks the door open On three Mississippi Tyrus tries to scramble away, but two of them grab him from behind. Guys, are we gonna kill these fuckers or are we gonna run? Four Mississippi.

Well, we have to wait to all six Mississippi's, Francis. On four Mississippi, one of the Bisons runs up to the van and opens the door. Five Mississippi. The Bisons drag Tyrus, kicking and screaming as he says, Help! Help! Somebody help! Do we want to save drag Tyrus kicking and screaming as he says help Help somebody help Do we want to save the Tyrus? Team out-carrot?

Three floors in She's just gonna floor it towards the bodies On six Mississippi You turn the van Everybody buckle your seatbelts Alright everyone gets one Mississippi to buckle their seat seat belts including well, that's a good question Let's find out let's find out together I have a feeling I know I Don't see any in this diagram and I think Ralph Nader wasn't around yet

I'm looking at the interior Tell everybody we need to have a rope on your fucking body. And some of the seats are like sideways, like a couch. I see a sink. I see a sink. Oh, good. I can hit my head on that and die. I see a lot of things we can hit our head on.

Oh, I see seat belts. But this is a 1966 Bedford Dormobile Romany. The 1963 one decidedly did not have seat belts. I don't think they would have had seat belts and then taken them away. Yeah. And then put them back. Seat belts are back at Bedford.

Here at Bedford, we're happy to pronounce that we're bringing seat belts back. Three years of seat belts, two years of automobile death, now we're back to the way we did it. Well, the way back in 19- It only took us two years to realize we were wrong. No, it was a New Coke move, where they realized everyone would be more excited if you brought seatbelts back exactly Oh wait. Yes, what bad I'm gonna try to slam on the brakes go out the windshield and use my body as a missile

Okay in the beginning of the first X-Men movie or like how Tony Collette did it oh Yeah, never mind. Oh wow just cuz Tony did it. Where, oh. That's how you honor him. Yeah, nevermind. Oh wow, just because Tony did it, you don't want to do it anymore? Well I didn't remember, I didn't want to repeat stuff. It's not repeating. Yeah, like in X-Men when Rogue's like you should put on your seatbelt and then Wolverine's like no and then they slam on the brakes

and he goes whoosh. He yeets out, so you're gonna yeet out. I'm gonna yeet out. Cool. You sure about this, Beth? No, I mean, I remember what happened to you, so now I'm having doubts, but I didn't want to hurt my friends. I was so fucked up that I eventually died. But you're a robot. But I'm a robot. And you already killed your archenemy, so if you die now, it's fine.

It's fine. And you can't die. We'll just- Oh no, my son. We'll plug you back in or whatever. Oh yeah, your son. Yeah. Well, it'll be like 1917, where you're like, oh, the brother's gonna find his brother, right? No.

And we'll take care of your son. He'll probably be the last in line to the people we take care of just realistically. I'll say we take our own values first, right? I'm still confused about how I feel about my mom and my dad because they gave me a Nazi gun We don't save them. That's what two less people think which is dry Okay, first, let's do the drive auto to successfully slam on the brakes and not crash into the car. Love that. I Got an 11. It's a 10. I'm going to use luck. They treated us falling damage by the way Okay, 1d6 per 10 feet. So I'm gonna use the point of my luck. So now I have 39 luck What do you do with the car? I slam and then turn it in a really cool way

and I Fly out my open driver's side window. Oh, sick. Okay, so this is like a drift move to come to a halt and then use the momentum. The parking brake was used. Okay, sick. So yes, you successfully accomplished the maneuver. Everybody in the car, give me either a strength

or a dexterity, roll whichever you would like, to try to hang on and not get knocked around inside this thing. Oh no. I got you buddy. 75, but I got a 96. Is that fumble? Yeah, that's a fumble. That's a fumble.

Okay, we'll deal with you in a second. My dexterity is 60 and I got a 24, so that's a super success. My dexterity is 57 and I got a 14. Jesus. Okay, so you guys all did great Milton and BB also succeeded on hanging on for dear life You fumbled so here's what we're gonna say again Missiles are thrown through this car Trudy gracefully like Trinity in the matrix Like Trinity in the matrix. Like Trinity in the Matrix.

We haven't gone to the landing yet. We don't know if she's gonna stick the landing. But you've successfully sailed... It was like the animals in RRR. Yes, it's like an RRR. Like just two humans diving through... Cougars. Tigers. All these spices in the middle of dragging Tyrus into this car. And then they hear this screech and then they see this big honkin' minivan pull up to them and Tokyo drift sideways and then a housewife launching through it Superman style like a missile and then they also see a split second later a hulking Swede Finnish Norway guy blasting through a glass window do you still have the skull on your head? With a pterodactyl skull. Marbles! Oh yeah Marbles is in there! Let the dice decide his! Marbles will never like me now! Let the dice decide his fate.

It is not a cruel game if we suddenly fear because a cat could die. You must let the dice decide. Do you have the helmet on? Yeah, I think so. Okay, that's great. That's good for you. Hey everybody listening to this, wear a helmet. Wear a helmet. Wear a helmet.

When you're driving your car. When you, with no seat belts, pull an e-brake maneuver. I mean, in many ways, Marbles is the helmet that will protect his head Just saying Marbles is in the helmet fucked up shit or not Beth in the seventh Mississippi as you're both flying through the air you catch for a glimpse of Marbles clinging on to Blake for dear

life and glaring at you. Marbles will remember that Trudy did this. Blake give me a 1d4 of damage for going through the glass window. Ouch. Two. Give me a dexterity roll with disadvantage since you're caught unawares to land on the ground. You don't want to fumble this because if you fumble it you will land headfirst on marbles. I rolled a two. A 100. I don't think we can do this. You made the decision Beth. The one thing I bring up is I'm still mad that we didn't kill the snake when I rolled bad. Yeah, I still remember that.

You guys ever fudge dice? Yeah, go, yeah. One time, Daryl killed a snake. We all went, you can't kill a snake. So we rolled it. We got a hundred. I don't want marbles to die. I want the dice to be sacred. The dice will decide marbles vote. We should figure out how many lives marble has left. That's true.

One, by all cats. No, we have established that Tony, who was a cat, lives Marble has left. That's true. Cat. One. Nine. By all cats. No? We have established that Tony who was a cat. That was a magical cat. But we did see in the last episode that marbles merged with some sort of other marbles, if you guys remember.

Oh yeah. Some kind of other kids. Some sort of other kids. Let's start with Freddie, you land on your head. Ow. Blake is- I have a helmet? Yes, you land helmet first on your head. Oh, Blake is a helmet Yes, you land helmet first on your head. You know what they say big brittle skull helmets are Original helmet

Another helmet Right? But now, I always wear my helmet. Can I have another helmet? You're right. You have another skull and a soft squishy crumple zone between that skull and you, known as a cat. Let's see what happens to the skull. How much HP do you guys think the human head has? Not as much as you'd think. The human head? We'll see the skull gives you two points of armor.

What was he rolling for when he got a hundred? That was his dexterity, to land gracefully on his feet in which case all of this would have been avoided. Unfortunately he fumbled so I feel like that means he goes headfirst into the ground. And there's a skull and the cat is in between the skull and Freddie's head. Here's how what people care about more, Plague or Marbles. You're right. Marbles is also going to get a dexterity roll, seeing that he's in a perilous situation. Or she.

He or she. I think it's a boy. It's a boy cat. OK, first thing we're going to do is roll your damage to see how crunchy this hit is. So give me, what you said was 1d6 per 10 feet. It's about, yeah. I mean, you're going head first out of a car.

That's pretty bad. And you landed on your head. How much HP do you have? Eight. OK. Or maybe 1d6. 10 feet is about yeah, I mean you're going to head first out of a car This is pretty bad, and you landed on your head how much HP do you have eight? Are we gonna lose another front-ready character by falling through a goddamn car now? It's bad I just kind of reverted to my old ways and did something dumb and whimsical and I'm sorry I forgot that there were consequences that are real ready. There here's what we're gonna do for another time. He's so funny. Your helmet is one HP of damage. It absorbs. Roll a 1d8. Four. Now we're going to give marbles a dexterity roll to see if marbles dodges out of the way. In the split second between the helmet crunching and you crunching into marbles,

can marbles nimbly dodge out of the way of this? Is that gonna be a D100? That's gonna be a yeah. Can I roll it? Can you roll it? That's only fair. So I know first. That's only fair. Okay, yes. Here's what I'm gonna say. Even for a cat, this is a pretty wild roll. Yeah. So we're gonna say this is a hard success. That means I have to roll twice? No, you don't have to roll twice. You just have to get under half.

Would you say a cat is similarly dexterous to a dog? No, way more dexterous. Way more. Marbles' dexterity is 80, we'll say. Okay, you just gotta get a less than a 40. You gotta beat a 40. Okay. Oh my God, oh my God, he's gonna be okay. I got a 12.

Aw, yay. So you don't think I'm lying? I believe you, I believe you. I've never fucking fudged a 12. Aww, yay. So you don't think I'm lying. I believe you. I believe you. I've never fucking fudged a bro. So Marbles with lightning quick reflexes screeches, wow, wow, wow, manages to fucking shoot straight out of this thing

and narrowly avoid the ground, which is rapidly taken up by Blake's head. Oh right, that's the guy we're worried about. And Blake, you're now going to take the rest of that damage. So you rolled a four? Yeah. So you take three damage. God, I'm down to five.

You're down to five health? Jesus, Beth! Hold on, bro. I'm sorry. And where did Blake, did he just hit the ground? Did I hit them? Yeah, you hit a bison? Because we were aiming at them, right?

I mean, no, you fumbled. You fumbled, that's true. I do that thing where I hit the side of the car and I go, ooh, and my whole body's like stuck for a second and goes, pew. Ooh. What's your max HP? Max HP, 14. 14, OK, good.

Then you don't go unconscious. Wait, why do you have, because I'm at full health pretty much. We fought in the fucking library. Library, dude. In the library. And you got hurt. And I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry about that. Trudy, give me a dexterity roll. Okay, I got a 50, and my dexterity is a 25. So that's a fail. Yep. So you are going to sail past the person that you- As I sail past, I hit mole number 39. Mole number 39.

Give me a luck roll. I fail. What should mole number 39. Mole number 39. Give me a luck roll. I fail. What should mole number 39 do? It creates a beautiful pillow and a soft landing somewhere else. Yeah. Yes, a pillow shoots out of your back. Yeah. And it hits marbles in the face.

Give me a 1d6 damage roll for hitting the ground. Two. All right. I guess we're starting combat then. Oh, shit. Oh, no. I'm sorry, guys. I just thought I was going gonna be a silly little guy.

I didn't think about what I was doing. I mean there's nothing sillier than getting us into combat. I forgot something important because I started the journey of senses. I had this other fact I was gonna do many times. What's this? But then I was doing the journey of senses. Which is, I forget when, at some point, because we kept messing up my size and everything, regardless, Kelsey, sorry to say, and this does not diminish her as a person because age is just a number

Did indeed turn 50 during this time. Yes, so I did reduce all her stats. Oh you did okay? Yes, is that a thing in the game? Yes? That's why I originally had her at 49 Vicious like the stat loss. I didn't know that so but I wanted her to be 50 always okay, so my decks is 57 I think I used to be like 65 or 70. Oh, I didn't know that so but I wanted her to be 50 always okay, so my Dex is 57 I think I used to be like 65 or 70. Oh, okay So I don't know if you had it before but my Dex is 57. Did you still pass your dexterity or strength roll? Yeah, I've been looking at 57. Okay, but for you because I know that's an order. Thank you for your honesty. Mm-hmm Nobody noticed nobody knows my birthday though I'm sorry. Yeah.

Cause he remembers. As if I wasn't feeling bad enough. Trudy, you fly and you crash into the ground, scuffing yourself up as you roll across the pavement. The Bisons look at you guys, baffled, and then realize who you are. And the rest of you are inside the car. Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

It's okay, Trudy. Blake, you are up first. I would like to try and like bait one of these guys to check on me by being like You think they're gonna be like, oh is he okay? Well, how close am I to them? Pretty close like you're at their feet cuz she slammed the car right at the feet Yeah, I'm at the feet. I go call an ambulance Okay But not for me! And I spin around and I unload my 1911!

I just start shooting baby! It's blastin' time baby! Oh fuck yeah. So anyway I started blastin'. Remember you also have your whip chain knife as well. I know, but I got a gun right now dude. I'm weaponed out. I'm like a teenager after leaving the mall bro.

Now point blank, do I get bonus on that? Uh, god. Cause I'm like right there. I believe you do. I do. I believe I do. If the target is a point blank range within a fifth of the shooter's dexterity in feet, you get a bonus die on your roll. Twelve! Okay great. Twelve out of twenty. You shoot this guy. Roll a 1d10 plus two. Fuck yeah dude, that's what I'm talking about. 1d10. Take him down in one baby. Plus two yeah, dude. That's what I'm talking about one D 10 down in one baby plus two five Okay, come blammo you fucking pop a slug right in this guy's fucking leg And he clutches his leg and drops to the ground screaming in pain, so he's right next to me. Yes I welcome to my level. I got a second shot right ready to go where his head is okay great It is now gonna be the Bison's turn

So we'll start with him So this is one of the guys that was ready to rock to tune up Tyrus so he's got these brass knuckles on After he falls to the ground he's gonna take a jab at you with his brass knuckles I buy that they were already on his hand to that makes yeah, what would you like to do Freddy? I'll fight back so he rolled a 20 which is a super success I roll a 48 normal success. Okay, so he is going to clock you with these babies. I'm fucked up boys. Okay I'm sorry It's funny when it's your decision, but this one is just sad. I'm sorry now. You know it's funny again

Yeah, it's okay Beth. You're just giving the people what they want No, it's okay, Beth. You're just giving the people what they want So that's one damage plus one is two plus Four you take six damage. I'm dead. I died You're not dead you're unconscious and you are dying Jesus Christ, I'm negative one. I'm sorry. Marbles lived, that's all that matters. That's what matters. Next Freddie will play marbles, then he'll die.

To clarify, marbles definitely ran off into the woods. Marbles did not stay around for us. He's gone? There's no, if you were a cat, if you were a cat, and you were flown out of a car by these people who essentially kidnapped you, and you got launched out of the hell bit. And you watched that guy, you were just, you're gone.

My cats would stay with me. Your cats, because they love you and they know you. This cat's outta here. This cat was scrambling as fast as it could and it saw a squirrel, it followed it, and now it's found a new friend. You know what, it found a woman named Beth May and now it's living with her.

No, stop trying to make me happy! It's roaming free. It's roaming free. Annihilating the bird population. Okay, yes. It's doing great stuff. Blake Lively. Yeah, this is dead.

The last thing you see for now. Is a fist! Is a big, meaty fist smashing straight into your face. And the lights begin to go out. And you see marbles running off into the woods. And you see marbles running towards the woods. And I see Tony from heaven beckoning me. Come.

Come join me. The chains are never binding. You go unconscious. It is now the other three B since turns the other three by sins Two of them are gonna try to finish you off fucking two to the head Trivial tab makes you lose down fucking can't have something coming up behind them Everyone knows when you fight a raid boss you gotta go for the ads first the sort of leader bison You can tell he's a little bigger than the other ones

for the ads first. The sort of leader bison, you can tell he's the leader, he's a little bigger than the other ones. That's how they decide. That's how they decide. Says, secure the package! And then he is gonna kick Trudy in the face. That's who you were just yelling at, so think about that. Are you gonna try to dodge this or fight back?

I will fight back. Give me a fighting brawl roll there. This is my fight song. Oh no, I hear fight song give me a fighting brawl roll. This is my fight song. Oh, no I hear fights on my cape hearing Oh an 11 an 11 is that what kind of success is that I have a 35 so I think that it is a good success That's a super success. Okay, just barely so he goes to kick you, what do you do to turn the tables on him? I retcon this entire episode and I pull from my pocket something that I took

from the dead body that was eviscerated and it's something that I would have picked up. It's a- Take your time. Oh, you didn't have this planned out. You're figuring it out right now. Yeah, I'm literally figuring it out. Yeah, I'm not having fun with that. I've got part of it figured out and it's a whammy but I can't figure out the other part of it. I'm gonna say it's a wallet

Okay, but it's covered in blood and viscera the haunted last remains of Bets of Betts by his electronics. Yes. Okay. I know it's gone I like stop his foot with my hand in the wallet because the wallet is very Like squishy and soft and absorbs a lot of that blow okay And while I'm throwing my hand out some of the viscera gets in his eyes. It's like like venom Okay, so you get this blood in his eyes, and we'll see he trips and falls

He's just you know he knows I mean business. He doesn't need to trip and fall. I don't think you should have done the, there's another piece to this, isn't there? I think this is it. Matt, that's the worst thing you could have said. Why? Because there's no other piece to it. Oh, I'd rather explain where my mind was going.

You do damage to him by doing this, because when you fight back, you do damage. I absorb his blow with that stolen wallet that I will explain why I have it and And it's covered in blood and viscera and the blood and viscera Slinks in through the air into his eyes and then maybe he like sees the last moments because it's haunted blood Unless they weren't buddies in which case it's just this stranger. Beth has fallen into the very common trap of thinking that talking more will make it more likely that someone forgives her.

And then he trips and he's embarrassed. What if your friend was dead and you tripped and you got blood in your eyes and you were pregnant and you fell down? Are you pregnant? We're gonna go ahead and give him a 1d6 for the fall damage he's gonna take from this. That's a 5 so well done. That's as much as a gunshot! He felt real bad on his head. He tripped. He was real embarrassing. He's 73 also.

Yeah. Yeah. He was real embarrassing. He's 73 also. He's 73 also. He wangs his head very hard into the ground. Dang. I mean, hey, one bad fog. And yeah, he cracks his head real, real nasty. There are two more Bisons. They are going to grab Tyrus and try to throw him into the van. Do we see anybody in the driver's seat of the van?

No, they all got out. Okay, cool. They chuck him into the van. That's what they're the driver's seat of the van? No, they all got out. OK, cool. They chuck him into the van. That's what they're going to do on their turn. And Tyrus is unable to resist them as they push him into the open van. It is now Francis's turn. Francis is going to leap out of the car and put his gun up against the bison van's tires.

And he's going to whisper, Brunelda. Yeah. It seems like something naughty is happening, what is going on? If you let me destroy this tire... Yeah? Then no matter what happens to the Bisons, if we like, defeat them like non-lethally, I'll let you murder one of them. Oh, I like this, Francis.

Yes, I like this quite a bit. Fine, go ahead, shoot the fan! Perfect. So yeah, just jamming it up next to the tire and pulling the trigger. Okay, easy peasy. Kaboom! Tire blown out. A definite gunshot ripping through the air. It is now... Kelsey's turn. Oh, I'm 50 now.

Everything hurts. My character sheet is ravaged. I can do nothing. We have to apologize to our 50 year old listeners 90 just put me away. It's not that bad. I do lose a lot of stats. Hey, what was that? What was the spell you did? You said you can learn a spell? Yeah, I have a spell now But I'm trying to find the right time to use it Okay, but then unfortunately, I think I had the right time to use it, but then somebody decided to slap on the brakes and shoot themselves out the window. But I was trying not to blame her like Freddie was.

So don't worry, I got a spell idea. I didn't know who you're talking about. I thought the episode was so much fun and so whimsical. You're going to need to describe why you like this Chinese restaurant guy so much. There was just something kind in his eyes. I didn't have anybody else to save. Well, it cut me deep inside and I just wanted one more person in my little sphere. And I'm sure that the bus can seat 11,

but I didn't think about that until we already got over here. And I will explain why I stole that wallet from that dead man. And you just have to be patient because it will be a very good explanation. Inspired by Trudy's words. To be fair, I don't think any of us, at least I didn't think so, we were all for saving him. No. It was just specifically the way. I was kind of okay with driving away. Oh damn, I wanted to save him.

Okay, Kelsey is going to switch seats and get into the driver's seat. Okay. Because she was still in the seat. She was still in the car. And I'm going to drive towards whoever is like available for me to run over, that's what I'm doing. You guys are perpendicular with the driver's side facing their car. Okay.

It would be real hard to run someone over from here. Because they're on like your opposite side of the van. Yeah, because they're essentially, two of them are now throwing Tyrus into the van I mean must be a line of sight somewhat for Trudy to have been shooting herself towards the bison Yeah, but remember she was launching out the driver side window. Yeah, so I'm gonna turn right But if you like open a door you fuck somebody up you just like Yeah, but she found some distance. I can turn a car 90 degrees. I can make a perpendicular car

dickular Let's travel some distance. I can turn a car 90 degrees. I can make a perpendicular car Perpendicular now or no it was perpendicular now you can make a parallel. I'm driving. Oh you want to drive at them I'm driving at who can I run into I think they're all blocked by the van at the angle We're coming here. Let me draw it for you, man And then you draw me on that I'll decide what I want to do in this cool car. I got now don't worry guys I'm about to make Kelsey the most popular character Kelsey drives it wasn't runs over mittens no Fool you monster yeah marbles. I don't care. Oh, I'm Anthony, I call marbles mittens. I'm doing an hour stand up.

I pretend like I don't care. That sounds just like me, incidentally. Here's Blake, who will be an ex, and here's the guy next to Tony. Hold up for me, I can see it from there. All right. I'm going to drive straight towards the woods and then pick up marbles like in Raising Arizona

when they pick up the bag of diapers And I'm gonna put marbles in the car. You're gonna go get the cat Because people love the cat you're gonna get the cat you're just gonna run away from your friends. I'm gonna turn around Sometimes you guys I see so this is a two-part maneuver. There's two part maneuver. You're doing a three-point cat turn You're doing a three-point cat turn cat turn We will say on this turn you can go get marbles. That will be your turn. And you can if you- But I do want to roll to see if I get him or run him over.

Because what I'm doing is hard and I feel like the dice should be rolled. What give what's- before we roll What is your drive auto skill? I guarantee you Matt did not know that was a skill. No I did and it's 75. Wow! This whole time? I should have been using this this whole time. OK, give me a drive auto roll. This is to pull up right next to the cat.

A 60. We're fine. OK. So you speed off towards the cat. You pop the door open and lean out and grab the cat. And be like, get in. Get in. You all right, shotgun.

I cock my shotgun, and I toss it to Marbles. You can take them all the way out. They crush us. Look, if Beth gets to do what she wants to do. All right, give me a dexterity roll to grab this cat. 39. What's your dexterity?

Oh, 657. Okay, so yes, you scoop Marbles up into your hand, and I'll just throw you a bone so you expertly spin the car back around. Fuck yeah, and I'm pointing at the enemies. Now you're pointing at the enemies. With a new cat, that's mine now. With a new cat.

Well how does marbles look at me? Marbles is just goes, marbles is pretty freaked out. I hear you kid, that's what I say to marbles. Okay. Kelsey has had a psych to Marbles If Marbles likes Kelsey If Marbles like immediately bonded with Kelsey I don't know what I would do Tyrus is going to try to break out from these two guys

He does not succeed. We can't help people they can't help themselves. Am I in the way of the car should I get out of the way? We'll deal with it when that comes up. Milton is going to go. Milton is in the car with you. So Milton's going to be like Oh is in the car with you. So Milton's gonna be like, oh Kelsey, what's going on? I mean, man, Kelsey, what's going on? What's going on? Just hold on tight because there's some bad guys and we're going to save my friends

and hold on to marbles and just hold on tight. Okay. He, uh, he fumbles around and then BB grabs onto him. It's okay. We're going to be all right. Just, just hang on. I tell them to remove the cushions of the sideways facing seat of this vehicle and then kind of put themselves in between the oven and This back of the driver's seat and I say like push themselves like so get all the cushions in between you like So BB's like Kelsey miss Kramer. Yep, not to backseat drive, but Duke Milton and I need to be in the car for this Oh, I stopped the car Get out, run to the woods drive, but Duke Milton and I need to be in the car for this. Oh, I stopped the car And I said the three of them out Hop out marbles is too scared to go with them and is I toss them I toss marbles to the kids

Marbles is too scared to go with them and is I toss them I toss marbles to the kids Yeah, take this guy I can't let this cat fly out the window like Blake I don't know what I was thinking Milton and BB run marbles extremely confused goes flying out of the car again It's just sitting on the ground at BB BB BB all right BB goes Ah, I've talked to none of the way of this screaming cat who lands on the ground and clings to the ground They're like next time Close the door I'm touching out of the way of this screaming cat who lands on the ground and clings to the ground Okay, it is now Trudy's turn do I since have horns yeah? Yeah, I'm gonna take the bison mask and use it as a weapon against them Oh, okay. He's on the ground. You're gonna have to pull it off of his head

Okay, so give me a dexterity roll for that first Shouldn't it be a strength? You can do strength instead if you'd rather I think I will I feel so you're grappling with this guy Over his helmet. Yeah, Blake Is your nothing? I'm unconscious. Oh, so no you do have one thing to do. What is that? That's a give me a Constitution saving throw and six. Okay, so you pass? Yeah, super duper success. Okay, all right. It is the Bison's turn again. We'll start with the guy that Blake shot who gets up and is clutching his bleeding leg, sees this kid with a car 98 and

Kelsey gunning the engine of this minivan ready to pace him. He sees his burly boss grappling with Trudy and figures that he's going to be okay for a second. He's going to make a break for it. He runs around to the drivers to the van and turns on the engine. And when it's his turn again, he's going to stop it and peel out of there. We're going to do the big guy first. He's going to do a fighting maneuver. And basically you guys are grappling over his mask. He's just going to turn to the side and let you fall to the ground and grab the mask at the same time. Like he's basically gonna let you take it and try to trip you at the same time. Are you

going to fight back, dodge, or try to do like a counter maneuver against him? If he's moved so that the mask comes off easily, I will try to make it so that the mask stabs him when it comes off. Let's call that a fight back then. Okay. Because that feels like you're trying to injure him. So give me a fighting maneuver. Ooh, I got a 36. Hell yeah. And I have a 35 fighting brawl.

Okay. I guess I'll spend a luck. Give me a 1d4 plus two, plus your damage bonus. Oh, plus 1d4. Yes. Holy shit. Oh. Plus four. Four plus one D four. Yes. Holy shit. Plus four. Four plus two plus four?

Yes. So that's 10 damage? Yes. Okay, so yeah, you rip the mask off, you plunge it into the stomach of this guy who gasps and starts to collapse. And then you look up and lock eyes with him. And it's Ed Farnsworth, Francis' father.

No! Oh no! No, no, we only have to pick up nine people. Hahahaha! I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies twisted in my mind and now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Thanks so much for listening. You want more? You can have more on our Patreon starting at just $5 a month. While you folks here on the main feed get a new episode every two weeks on the patreon feed

You get a little thing in between those episodes. It's called the peach pit It's an after show where we talk about the episode We just recorded as well as get into juicy listener questions such as Queen Queen asks I thought this was a fun one if Dungeons and Daddies was just a podcast with just five copies of the members Whose copies would be the funniest have the most interesting story or would just be arguments if the podcast was just five Anthony's What would it be like? Oh god? Freddys like I would like this is an interesting thought experiment. I would love five maths

I feel like this phrase would be genuinely interesting and I feel like five best would be The five best podcast we call love that interesting and I feel like five Beths would be... I'm already sitting here and just like ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha $5 a month at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads go to the website take a look we have stuff on offer See if that tickles your fancy Dungeons and Dags is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer Anthony Burch as Francis Farnsworth Will Campos is our DM Beth May as Trudy Trout and Myself Freddy Wong as Blake Lively our theme song is a hole in the stars by Max and Waller Brian Fernandez is our content producer Ashley Nicola as our community manager Courtney Terry is our community coordinator Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager, Esther Else is our lead editor, and Travis Reeves and Omar Romalino provide additional editing. This show is supported by our Patreon and those people who are supporting this show have names like Dorian, Holgier Jönvik, Gabriel Björgvinsson, Mateo Gannad, Ryan Cole, Typical Molehill, Jim Weiglein, Gentleman Jacked, Brockton Nuns, Gabriel Henderson, Elliot McGee,

Christian Tevich, Ivatron, Will Gregory, User One Name Eleven, Eric Esterik, Ninmir Aboral, Francisco Morales, and Seth Bassetti. Support us directly at patreon.com, slash, Dungeons and Dads, merch and more at dungeonsanddives.com. Matt and my first movie, We're All Gonna Die, still in theaters. More info at warallgonnadie.mov. Our next episode is March 25th. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars Give me an unarmed strike role or whatever the equivalent of that is in this game we play.

It's the first time I've heard you give up on a rule. You only did 20 episodes.