Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 23 - Paths of Gory

Episode Date: April 22, 2025

The Bisons surround a pretty nice estate on L Street!This episode contains Violence, Gore, Profanity, Sexual Content, SuicideSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingOmar Romolino provides Addition EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You sailed beyond the horizon in search of an island scrubbed from every map You battled crackens and navigated through storms Your spades struck the lid of a long-lost treasure chest While you cook the lasagna There's more to imagine when you listen. Discover best-selling adventure stories on Audible. Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you this week by Aveeno Baby Daily Healthy Start. Skin is our first line of defense.

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Red Vines new Super Ropes. 34 inches of licorice all in one place. This long suite is proud to bring you Peachyville now. I'm Walter Newsman bringing you the news that Peachyville can use. And thanks to Red Vines, I finally have a licorice that will last our entire broadcast. If only the teens of our fair city were spending their time eating these delicious treats. Instead, and parents you best listen carefully, they are honking. The heavy petting jukebox jiving drive-in dwelling youngsters are

reportedly using a new clandestine code, communicated entirely by the toots and boops of their automobile horns. The police are calling it automobile morse code. Teens call it jalopinis. We call it trouble. Here, joining us in the studio tonight to help us crack the most dangerous code since the Enigma machine is local school mom Kelsey Grammer. Welcome, Miss Grammer. It's an honor to be here, Walter. And might I add, your coverage of the Hallger History was both patriotic and masculine. Oh, thank you, Miss Grammer. Now then, suppose I've settled into separate beds with a warm

glass of milk and my Protestant wife. We're about to doze off when we hear the horn of our Chevrolet outside. How do we tell the difference between a benign beep and some sort of secret teen communique? Well, what you want to be listening for is a short series of honks in a rapid succession. At least that's what I've heard from other people, teens, not me. Ah yes, very well. According to the teens, one honk means I have a boy in the car. Two honks means let's go to the library. Two short honks and then a long honk.

Get in the car Ross, we're going to meet those cute boys from the library. Or so you've heard. Right. Now let's say that I'm trying to tell Ross that I'm outside with her son, that we're being followed by a dangerous cult, there's a monster running around town, and we're here to pick her up and move her to our plumber friend's mansion. That would be... Now, Miss Grammar, you seem remarkably adept at this form of communication. Well, yeah, I'm a teacher. I hear what the kids, what the teens do.

Care to comment on the rumors that Jalopanese, rather than being a communist plot to indoctrinate our youth, was in fact invented right here in Peachyville by a promiscuous school mom in her salad days. Promiscuous? I take umbrage with the insinuation, sir. Well, I'm not insinuating anything, I'm merely asking a question. Well, I have a question for you. Why don't you go f*** yourself? Excuse me?

You know what I think, Walt? I think this interview is over. And by the way, your Protestant wife is a f***er. Everybody knows it. Have you no decency, man? Will somebody get her off the stage? Yes. It's ridiculous. Is she gone?

Very well. Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for the vulgar outburst. Rest assured, Miss Grammar will not be returning to the program. Now, um...up next, a new educational program. A guide to Grammar with Kelsey Cri- Are you- are you- Are you kidding me? Welcome to Dungeons and Daddy's Not a BDSM podcast this season. The Peachyville Horror. A Call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting

the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America. My name is Freddie Wong. I played, hey thank you, thank you. I play deep thinking plumber Blake Lively. Are you gonna change your intro from deep thinking plumber? Why? Because we just learned a lot. I just feel like if I now know a lot about Blake or something, we're like, hey, what do you know about Blake?

Deep thinking plumber would be the first two words. I'd be like, rich fucking war smuggling ex-war investing. Rich war profiteering, slow talking, deep thinking, handyman with a heart and a vault of gold. Aww. Oh, I can't wait to get to the gold vault this episode. No, we're just gonna skip it. We're just gonna skip it. Just know that it's there.

It's got a really hard code on it. You know it. Yeah. So we could go if we wanted to true That's true, but instead of looking at his gold in all of his filthy Luke her last episode a little fact about Blake Lively Blake Lively his before bed reading his browsing through a little book on the teenage mind and what the heck is going on with Francis he was like hmm my conversation with the child Did not seem to go as it planned I wasn't prepared for this wholesome Blake fact

Oh, no, I was found wanting and I want to improve I want to improve and I want you to know the way he reads the books as he does it like in the cartoons when they Hold it and they lick it Unfortunately since it was the 50s, the book was about how Francis probably was feminized by comic books and jazz music. Yeah, yeah, that's it. That is his conclusion.

Every page is like, make him join the military. Make him join the military. Perhaps Francis is listening to too much of that jazz. You that? Yeah. We had a long pause with each other. I don't know, it was just awkward. What is going on?

I don't know. I was just going on That is just brimming with excitement because there's a big TV here TV in this room is a mind palaces Teras side it's still got the plaza Bright on her wedding night is usually we don't have like phrases and have such like a clean stop then it's my turn So I was just waiting. I don't know. Oh, so it's Freddie's fault because Freddie usually sucks and this time he didn't Okay, well hey everybody there's a big TV here Because we're gonna do some work with this TV as big as the one I have at home so it's really exciting as big as the one I have at home, so it's really exciting. It's like, it's a really-

You're not gonna wanna go! It's a really big TV. You clarified that the TV was weirdly cheap and we didn't splurge on a big stupid TV. Yeah, everybody said, because we needed a TV for our office so we could do, like, you know, everybody loves our Twilight Watch series and whatnot. He was like, buy the biggest TV you can

for as cheap as possible. And I did a pretty- Which is, hey, real quick. And I did a pretty good job at- That's a basic directive that all dads understand. And TVs are pretty cheap now, so it's a rather inexpensive TV, but it's very big. Anyways, my name's Matthew Arnold, and I play Kelsey Grammer,

Bee Geeville's happiest and happiest school mom, and you know what she always says, I love big TVs, what she always says. OLEDs are actually not as good as the new Mini-LEDs. What she always says is, oh, you wouldn't consider it work to talk about your best friend So why do you consider a book report work? Just talking

So little fact that healthy is my new least favorite Work to write an essay about my best friend I would Enthusiastic about this and that's your project that we so sweet Randomly assign secret Santa's where we have to write essays about each other This is a five paragraph essay about why Beth is great Say I will prove three things I will prove three things Defines Beth as to conclude Beth is great and looking into the future

We should all appreciate how great Beth is Thank you space space Unfortunately, you do not underline your thesis so I didn't put my period in the corner what was that see don't just put a period up in the I mean you fact numbers associated with letters I never know nobody put a period in the corner where the staple goes okay is it my turn no I think my fact. I don't want to do anymore though Okay, her biggest victory in Scrabble

Was he gets the word zizek's proprioception, which is the seventh sense Favorite sense of your body awareness you fell for it like where you are. She just loves the feeling of knowing. That's what Burtgo fucks with, right? Yeah, where your hands are when you're just wrapped around a book. She doesn't have to think about cradling a book or how to turn pages, it's just there. And her least favorite feeling is when she wakes up

and she slept wrong and she can't feel where her legs are. They're asleep and she's like, where's my left, where's my right? Anyways. I'm Anthony Burch and I play Francis Varnsworth. Hello. Shouldn't it be played? We don't know.

We don't know. A kid with a gun who is using it in pretty depressing ways. Francis's peachy fact is that he has always wanted a greyhound, specifically a black and white one. Oh wow. And if you hear my voice change or sniffing or any of that stuff, it's because there's a black and white greyhound in the room with us right now.

Just actually Amanda's dog. Oh, no, we talked about her. Now she's up and at him. Hi. Hi, my name is Beth May and I play Trudy Trout. Fun fact. Oh, homemaker mother of one robot. Fun fact about Trudy is that Trudy never gossips. She just uses encrypted messaging. We're clear on OpSec Trudy. No Beth, no.

Okay, that's fine. I liked it. I thought it was timely too. But it was good still. Trudy's part of the Peachyville PC small group. Nice. That's a deep cut. That's a deep cut. Real, real old reference.

I give a flag a fist in a flame. Hi, everyone, I'm Will Campos. I am your peachy master, your master. Oh, juicy darkness and delights. Wait, I could eat the peach for hours. A little fuzzy, but still eatable. Yes, eatable. Yes Edible and edible

Who knows what's gonna happen? I need a peach. I did my mom's peach. Don't say that He didn't know who didn't know what? You know Why did that sound like it had experience behind it? Oh, you know. You know. Feels like I've been here before. My creepy fact today is about Saint Ginefort. Saint Ginefort was a 13th century French greyhound that received local veneration as a saint. Now before you deploy that, ah, you should hear the tragic tale of Saint Ginefort.

Can't be worse than what they do to them? He fucked his mom! Yeah, most... usually when somebody was a saint they didn't have like, the chillest time. Basically Saint Ginnifort's owner was a knight who lived in a castle and like the dog was guarding his baby and then like one day he comes home and the dog's mouth is covered in blood. He's like, well my dog ate my baby so he kills the dog's mouth is covered in blood. He's like, well, my dog ate my baby, so he kills the dog. And then it turns out. And it turns out he was protecting the baby

from a venomous snake, and that was why. That guy made really quick decisions. So then he was real sad. He could walk five feet and check the baby. So they buried the dog in a well, it covered it with stones, it planted trees around it, and they set up a shrine. And then people venerated the dog as a saint

and would go and pray when you know people had sick Kids and stuff like that's who's kind of like a saint for sick kids this wound up turning into like a heretical cult Protestant churches emerged in the 16th century and criticized the cult of guiniforte seeing in it an example of the abuses and errors Of the Catholic Church and even the Catholics like we're gonna dial back on calling animal saints I don't know we do that as a step to alright, we're gonna dial back on calling them animal saints. I don't know if we can do that. That's a step too far. So they walked it back, but then a community memory of the practices was still present in the 1970s.

So the cult of St. Ginnifer lasted all the way up until the modern era. Did they have more animal saints? I don't know. According to Wikipedia, this was venerated in folk Catholicism. Yeah, it sounds very not real. Or it sounds like it wasn't like the Pope did it

He rolled up in his armored carriage Did the Pope have like a popo be all prying into this?mobile? Let's fucking, we tarry too long in these waters. I'm excited. Let's do this episode. Well we don't want to know what happens, we want to know but we don't. I'm so scared, I'm so nervous about this episode. I'm still in the room, which means that Francis presumably has at least something to say, even if it's just last words. Dodge this.

He said to himself! He said to himself! He said to himself! He said to himself! I have once again weedled up some bespoke recaps for my players, the four of you. Blake! After a long crazy adventure making new friends, fighting dinosaurs, and befriending an adorable cat, you're finally back home in your own bed in your own gigantic mansion.

Your ride or die butler, Amberster, tucked you in with a fresh hot toddy, and now you're sound asleep. Ah. Aw, me, me, me, me, me, me. Kelsey, it's been a tough day for the whole Grammar Clan. First, you discovered your sister, Roz, fell prey to the doll maker,

and has been babbling incoherently about needing to go away on a trip. Then you finally read the journal of your long-lost brother John who after dodging death in World War one time and time again to a series of psychic premonitions volunteered to have his existence rendered top secret so he could be studied by a shadowy Department of the United States government. What secrets did they discover? Is John still out there? We're probably not finding out anytime soon because Trudy, after dozing off while reading up on the dollmaker, the vicious insectoid monster whose venom you need to save your son, you are awoken by a distraught Francis asking for the key to

unlock Brunhilde, his murderous Nazi rifle, so he could confront an armed group of Bisons led by his mother outside. After a heart-to-heart with the troubled teen, you decided to trust him and gave him the key. What could go wrong? Francis, while sleeping, you were confronted by your mother, Kimon Juan, who told you that she and the Bisons had the house surrounded, and if you gave yourself over to them

so you could become the seed bearer of Zuzo, she would let your friends all live. That is kinda edible. Actually, it's reverse edible. You grabbed your gun, got the key from Trudy, faced down your mother outside, and put the gun to your head and pulled The trigger so we're gonna start with Trudy. Yeah

Trudy we're gonna jump back a couple minutes. Francis has just Left your room. He's sort of marching downstairs. What is Trudy thinking? What is Trudy doing in this moment? in this moment. Oh no. I think I, oh, I think I not, I shouldn't have, I don't know if I, it's if that was the right thing to, I better go see what's going on. Sometimes it's good just to sleep on it. Kelsey? Is that you?

Can you hear me through the wall? Kelsey you're stirred awake by Trudy knocking at the door. Oh, Trudy! Trudy, what's going on? I, Francis was, I think, I think we might be in danger. And Francis said that he would address that danger. And I think I've made a terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible mistake.

Mistake. Okay, just take a breath. The key, I gave it to him. The key that does? At that moment, you hear a deafening boom outside. We need to go. Blake, what's the mother's name, what's the mother's name, Trudy?

Alabaster. Alabaster. No. People. I start running down towards the front door, I guess. Okay. I'm assuming with Trudy in tow. As you are running towards the front door, you hear a gunfight erupt around you outside. You see a bullet smash through the window. Dang, you hear a gunfight erupt around you outside. You see a bullet smash through the window and- Dang, you see a bullet?

I literally, instinctively, Freddy, I took off my shoe to throw it at you. I just want you to know that. Freddy was gonna get the chancla. We're gonna jump back two minutes. To Blake. No, to Francis. Oh, okay. We can jump back to you. Would you like to jump back to you first?

Yeah, do it. Fuck it. What were you doing? I was just having a chat with Ambruster. So ceaselessly we are born back into the past, boats against the current. Well, I've read you the whole book. Are you ready to go to sleep? Yes, I can't stop thinking about Francis. I think I know what the boy needs. And what does that, sir?

Baseball. Baseball? Team sports. Indeed. Yes. That. Yes. That's it. Scene. You know he was in a bowling league, right?

You hear a massive gunshot go off. Clear. Hey, does the baller want the baller's name? Truth or dare, what's the baller's name? I'll ambassador. My name is Amberstone. Well, they can't be talking about you. Francis.

Yes. When last we left, you were standing staring down your mom and this sort of phalanx of Bison's behind her, a couple guys with flamethrowers other guys with guns serious looking dudes you raised Brut held it to your head and you pulled the trigger mm-hmm give me a willpower roll it's gonna be a hard pass so I rolled a 43 and my pal is 40 so in order to beat it I would have to spend like 23 points which I'm not going to do Yeah, but where you're going you don't need no luck

As you squeeze the trigger You brace yourself feeling that Brunhilde is going to resist you and you feel like you don't have enough power to resist her But then you realize that that doesn't matter because she's going to let this happen Okay in fact you feel with a sort of twinge of sadness as her finger slides around yours to help you pull the trigger. Right as you start to do that, you hear a deafening boom. You feel a bullet slam into your kneecap. At the same time, you pull this trigger, you feel the spark ignite in the barrel,

and the bullet roar out of the gun but you're collapsing as you fall to the ground so we're gonna do a couple of rolls right now Anthony the first thing we're gonna do is roll damage for this bullet that just hit your knee what's your HP? Seven. He rolled a four. So that is a major wound though because that's over half your health. Yes. This bullet slams into your knee and frankly it obliterates your leg. Your kneecap just explodes in front of you. You feel searing hot pain racing through your body.

You collapse. The gun in your hand tilts up right as you pull the trigger. So now we're gonna do a luck roll to see if your gun, if Brunhilde, manages to injure you at all. So my luck is 79 and I rolled a 39. Okay, so that is a super duper success. Super success. So you hear another almost simultaneous with the first blast.

In fact, someone listening from maybe inside the house would hear it as one gunshot too. As you collapse, the barrel moves a fraction of an inch and you feel the heat erupting out of the barrel of this gun. You hear the deafening blast of this rifle going off right in your face and you feel just the flames belching out of the barrel and singeing the front of your face. Give me a Constitution saving throw. We're gonna do two. This will be the first one to see if you are blinded by the muzzle flash.

My Constitution is 25. I rolled a 45. So yes, I'm blinded. Okay, so yes, you're temporarily blinded by this dazzling blast of light. Now give me a second roll. This is to see if you pass out on the ground from the major wound you just took to your leg. My constitution is 25 and I rolled a 32, but I'm gonna spend seven luck to not fall unconscious.

Okay, great. So now I have 72 luck, yeah. You slam onto the ground. Again, you're just in this agonizing pain, and you look down and you see that in fact, the lower half of your leg has been completely blown off by this shot. Oh, the irony. So around you, pure pandemonium,

as you hit the ground, you look up in shock, you see the stunned look in your mother's face. She whirls around, as does everybody else, to find the source of the shot, when boom, another shot rips out and picks off one of the bison standing behind her and he just spins onto the ground. She points to two guys in front of her and tells them to cover her while she nods to the two guys with flamethrowers to her side to burn the house down behind you.

One of the bison's as he's scrambling for cover fumbles in his pocket and pulls out a flashlight. He aims it up across the street towards the source of the gunshots, revealing up in a tree, clutching a rifle, covered in shadow, his eyes burning with determination and hatred and equal measure, Sheriff Shane Silva. Whoa!

Rifle smoking in his hand, and with that, we're going to start combat. Frey, do you have the initiative stat for your 15 servants? I do have a house full of trained ninja assassins. You have 13 servants. That is correct. They're in another house right now. That's true.

You did say they have their own quarters. They are in their own quarters. Well, at least the security guard must have been out and about. Or maybe they're dead. We didn't have a security guard, if you recall. Yeah, we had a lot of lawyers and blood rollers. We had a lot of lawyers and blood. They're all ex-military.

But they're all ninjas. OK. Well, how big is this combat that we're about to of lawyers and blood rollers. But they're all ex-military. But they're all ninjas. Okay. Will, how big is this combat that we're about to enter? Let's see. All right. One, two, three, four, five. Are we about to enter the thickest combat of our careers? This is a monster one. It already sounds comparable to the season one finale. In terms of number of moving parts.

So there's 12 people in the turn order. And then yes, in terms of henchmen, the henchmen are grouped up in those. The first person in our turn order is in fact BB Britannica blue who bursts out of her room with the sound of gunshots slingshot in hand and she's like I heard shooting What's going on? And she had the door like so here's what I think you were Johnny on the spot Matt You were ready to run so Kelsey's like halfway down the stairs. Mm-hmm Everyone else is like on the second story landing Do you know like in like a rom-com, when the pretty lady walks down the stairs.

I love that. And there's like that banister on the second level. That was so romantic the way you said that. That was adorable. And then she's like, here she comes. It's like, you guys are all on the banister part. But you're the pretty lady. I'm the pretty lady, yeah.

Underneath a giant painting of Blake Lively. Yes, yes. You're the pretty lady running down the stairs right now. So my dad see me? Does he say something about a nice, I love you, bro? Your dad sheds a little tear, that's my girl. And then Trudy, you're right behind her, everyone else is just coming out of their rooms. Okay, so we're running, just the details, is the door open? Did Francis close the door?

Francis closed the door behind her. Okay, so the door is closed. You see Chastity, the maidswoman, which is not a real thing, I don't know what a maidswoman is, but she's at the door. She's got a shotgun with her She's like looking out the window BB bursts out of her room is the first one out BB BB find Milton Make sure you're okay. Just hide and stay safe. Okay, got it great. That's one turn down man We're moving through one less person Blake and Milton's not gonna show up. I don't know if you rolled for Milton Oh, yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, she rushes in the Milton's room and you hear like Can you hear me? Oh, no, stay away from the windows? Yes. Oh, there you go guess that's true. Yeah, she rushes into Milton's room and you hear like Can you hear Mel go, oh no! Stay away from the windows! Yes, oh there you go. Good job Trudy.

The two of them are hunkered down in their bedroom right now. Blake, it is now your turn. Abbruster, return fire from the windows! Very good, sir! I shall retrieve the... Go to the cool gun room that we had built! Where's the cool gun room in your mansion? You have to go into the library and you pull one of the, you know those plaster busts that looks like, oh, it opens to a secret passage. The plaster bust is just a plaster gun and you pull it and then the bookshelf opens and

inside it's a cool gun room. So yes, you are ordering Amberster to the library to get load up. Very good size, road full of width with all matter of machinery and what we're doing. And then I'm going to go to one of the rooms on the second floor. I think probably my room would have like a little overlook onto what's out there. Yes. I of course sleep with one eye open and I got a rifle in my room.

Okay. And so I want to be armed up and I want to just check out the window and look for targets of opportunity. So you peer out the window and you see Francis lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood. Two Bisons draw pistols and sort of fall back to cover Kimon Hwan as she moves towards Francis and they're firing at someone in a tree across the street. You can't really make them out. And then you also see two Bisons with flamethrowers approaching the house, like ready to torch it.

I want to... Back of the flamethrower, dude. Oh, dude, can I get this? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. Video games have taught me well. I would like to shoot one of the flamethrower guys, but specifically aim at him. So I would like to aim the rifle. No, no, no. Aim at the...

A lot of people don't do this when they have a gun, but I... Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Hear me out. Yeah, like above his shoulder so he hit the tank. Well, yeah, yeah. But here's the thing. In Call of Cthulhu, I believe there's an aim mechanic. I believe so, yes. So instead of like firing right away, you can spend a turn like aiming, and then the next round you get like a bonus die or something Yeah, I'll throw that to you. Yes, if you take this turn to entirely focus on lining up a shot I'll let you shoot at him with a bonus die next turn. Okay, and I want to aim at the back of his thing

So he goes I will warn you that longer you wait the closer he gets to the house Yeah, because one I got one turn to aim. Okay. All right, Blake is taking lethal aim Kimon Juan is going to sprint towards you, Francis. And so she's able to this turn get to you and grab you. And she's just like, what the hell are you doing? What are you thinking? I think Francis is ignoring her and looking at Big Dad Shane across the street.

Seeing you're ignoring her, she's just gonna grab you and she's gonna start dragging you towards this van. The Bisons came a van. Okay. It is now the front of the house Bisons turn I shouldn't have said front of the house. That was a mistake Don't worry about that two of these guys are going to take shots at Shane they both miss and then the two flame thrower guys are going to advance to the house and Since I'm feeling nice will say that on their next turn they are going to start burning the house down. You see

them spark up their flamethrowers. They're taking aim at the most flammable parts of this big wooden house. Wear the talking heads when you need them. That's a good one. Yeah I can tell by your reaction. I like that. Burning down the house. Just kill my character, it's fine. No! Francis, it is now your turn. Is she pulling me by my remaining leg? She's got you in your armpits.

She's grabbing you from behind. So I think Francis, when the pain explodes in his mind and in his leg as suddenly and as horribly as it does, his depression and shame kind of morphs into a lizard brain kind of instinctual anger. So I think he's gonna try to raise his gun up and point it at his mom and pull the trigger. Give me a firearms roll with disadvantage. So the other thing I want to remind you of is... sorry what? 97. Wow, okay that's a fumble right yes 96 or above is a fumble

okay a car 98k clip has five rounds I'm assuming this thing was fully loaded yeah you took one shot already this will be your second shot so you have three more after this okay what should happen on a fumble? Give me a luck roll. That is a 26 out of 79, so a super success. Give me another constitution roll then. That's a 24, my constitution is 25, I pass. Okay, in that case you are not deaf in one ear as you basically shoot this gun and the bullet whizzes past you and the heat blasts up next to you. That's my strong ear. But you manage to hang in there. Your mom is just terrified.

So the next thing she's going to do on her turn is try to get this gun away from you because she realizes what you're doing. Kelceas, now your turn. So Chastity's at the door with a shotgun. Chastity's at the door with a shotgun. She's looking or whatever. Yeah, she's going to run down the stairs.

And are there any decorative windows around the door? Can I peek out to see what's happening? Yeah, we'll say that you see Kimon Juan dragging Francis. But you can't tell anything past that, other than there appears to be a lot of blood. As you run down the stairs and go towards the front door, Chastity turns around and closes the door shut behind her, backs up against it, and points the shotgun at you,

and says, oh, I'm so sorry, miss, but I can't let you go out there. Kelsey runs. She runs to her door. Towards, towards. Yeah, and I'm running, I was like, get out of the way, I gotta see what's happening, Francis. Okay, she is going to fire at you.

What? I train my staff better than this. Yeah, Jesus, fuck. Not befitting of a host. Well, actually, you know what? She can't fire on you till her turn. That's a her turn activity. But she can fight back.

So what are you doing? Is she pointing a shotgun at you? I'm like, what are you doing? I need to see what's happening with him. That boy belongs to Zoezel! Ah. There we go. Praise be to Zoezel!

That boy is his! Zoezel? Why don't you all just stop hurting each other? And I'm going to cast a spell I learned. Whoa, magic user over here. Zuzel remembering. Check out Merlin over here. This is the spell you learned from the book.

And I scream stop and I'm going to cast Rack. It's gonna cost me one sanity point. Okay. Rack temporarily incapacitates a single target. Holy shit. The caster must be 10 yards or less distant. Succeeding the spell effect takes place after one round of confusing hand gestures. Intense racking pain sees the target.

The face and hands blister and drip fluid. The eyes cloud with blood and become temporary sightless. The effect lasts 1d6 rounds after which sight returns. And then it takes 3d10 minutes for them to fully recover. So essentially they just like Start bleeding their eyes boil start appearing they fucking can't do anything for 1d 6 rounds. They can't do anything or they're Incompatitated okay, then 3d 6 minutes is they're fully recovered I was looking at some sites they say like it's kind of up to you in terms of like whether they gradually

Yeah, they're like vomiting still maybe they have disadvantage or whatever it is I have six magic points and this costs three magic points. Okay. So I can do this twice before I know how resting works. What is the roll? So suppose pow. So now we both roll pow. I'm so fucking stoked we're casting a spell, bro.

It's spell time? Now this is your first time casting this spell, right? Casting a new spell for the first time requires a hard pow success. So start there It's good and bad, I mean it's good Guys I didn't realize all this would be pal cuz you know how magic works my pals only 25. Oh, no But I rolled a four

I'm just like, oh no, I don't know how many times I'm going to be able to cast this. Well, I still don't understand. This is only for the first time. No, you don't have to do this again. Dude, you fucking nailed it on the first try, dude. Give me your pow roll. 32. So I have to succeed.

And you have to succeed at a level higher than the target. But can I see if they succeed before I use my luck? How does that work? It was being a pose roll, right? Yes. You could also push your roll. No, dude, at 25. No, no, that's close enough. She's, okay, I just wanna make sure,

before I figure out the freaking likelihood of this succeeding, this character, she's an old lady. Older than the butler. Her pal better be, like, what, 70, 60? I know how many points goes down. I don't want some bullshit character sheet. You a 70 year old woman can I look I went to the dollhouse.com Which has a whole character library, and I looked at the oldest maid I could find and I downloaded her character sheet working with

What do you guys think I have 47 like I can spend 7 luck to get a success or I can spend 20 luck to get a super success. 20 is a lot dude. You got a bit on the failure here. What if you spent like 10? Beth, that's pretty good. I'll spend 8 just for you. Okay, I'm gonna spend 7 luck to make it a success. She rolled a 91. Whoa, thank god.

You like fucking blast her with this spell, and she staggers back for a second, but then she's like, Oh, you think you're the first one to use the ancient magics on me? Which I've been around for many a- And you just like, grit it out a little bit more more and then she just lots her eyes roll over And she starts bleeding from every orifice in her body and she collapses on the ground and she's like This is way worse It's not soo soo Your power grows Kelsey good use it yes. I pick up the shotgun she had, and then I'm going to open the door.

I figure like that's my turn. I don't get to also shoot stuff, but I want to see. Your next turn you can open the door, but you have her shotgun. I can't even look with the door yet. Okay, I have her shotgun. Yeah. Trudy, I think I'm a monster.

Oh no, let's not get into that. Let's save that for another day to talk about that. Yeah, I'm just doing this all. I'm just trying to take out these fucking turns that you got advantage. I know, I appreciate it. So yes, Chastity is down for the count. Oh, I gotta figure out how many rolls she's incapacitated for, right? Incapacitating effects last for 1d6 rounds. Two. Two rounds.

So she's down for two rounds. Two rounds, and then being sick, or whatever, for 3d10 minutes. Correct. But she can start moving and stuff after it's up to you How you wanted okay? She's a pretty old lady. It sounds like she took a pretty bad fall Constitution of her hip 14 minutes to recover 14 minutes to fully recover okay, all right great. That's up to your discretion That's wild to me because like if I was bleeding from every I know this would be like I'd be out for you know Bleeding from every I know this would be like I'd be out for you know

Is how long it takes me to recover from Taco Bell Mr.. Fucking tough fucking metabolism over here Like the number of combat to have lasted more than two rounds is pretty minimal. So, they were okay. We can always put her out of her misery too. Chastity is down, she's writhing around. You guys hear from upstairs, Bebe say, We got a problem! We got a problem here! Big problem! I'll go see what's going on upstairs.

Bebe, maybe tell us what the problem is! There's more guys in the back of the house! There's more guys with flamethrowers and guns! Oh, they've got us surrounded up here! It's time to start pressing those moles, Trudy. Hahahaha! Hahahaha! Hahahaha!

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Discover heart-pounding thrillers on Audible. It is now Shane's turn. Shane is gonna take a shot at one of the two guys who are firing at him. Big Shane Silver. Oh, he got a 14. OK, Cablamo. Shooting from the trees.

What did we say the gun was? Probably a Springfield. Yeah, if he's American. 2D6. 2D6 plus 4. 13 damage. OK, this guy just got pasted in the fucking face. Big Shane Silver.

Avenging his son's knees. Yeah. They call him Big Shane the Silver. Well, I think we got our next intro song. He's like real fucked up. Because he could have just let you kill yourself. I know. And he's like, I want you to suffer.

Yeah, he's going to make me suffer. Amber stirs turn. He's made it to the library, and he's now pulling the bust to open the gun room. And it'd be clear, the bust is a cast of a big Tommy gun. Subtle. Subtle. You pull the trigger in the room open Just grab anything you see if there's a good chance of a gun

It's Milton's turn Trudy miss grammar, I mean Kelsey is anyone looking out for my mom? Where's my mom? What? I mean, what? She's somewhere. Yeah, and then on that, you see Roz, your sister, screaming in her bed. I have to go, I have to go! She's as safe as you can be,

just hide, hide. Either we all die or we all live, so just hide. Milton, are you listening? It's your turn by the way now. It was my turn. Oh well you can tell him to do something. Okay.

Milton these people have flame throwers. Oh gosh that's bad. We need to make the house wet. We need to create a plumbing disaster in the house. Wow. So that the house will be protected. You can count on me. Do you know about the blow up the downstairs toilet? I've never made a toilet I couldn't ruin. The house will be protected! Holy shit! You can count on me!

Dude, Milton's about to blow up the downstairs toilet. I've never made a toilet I couldn't ruin! Milton's gonna have a little scene where she runs up to his mom. He's gonna slap her awake and be like, Mom! Mom! You know how you don't like leaving water on the floor! Now's the time to go crazy! Truly brilliant! Milton's gonna go sort of fumble his way

towards the upstairs guest bathroom. So he needs Taco Bell. So I'm on my way upstairs to help out B.B. and Milton. What is the decor in this house on the walls? Freddie. What is the decor on the house in the walls? That's like a kid's story. There's a gun safe in the corner with a floor lamp on it

Okay, eight zero zero eight five. Oh, you'll have to do it's unlocked. Okay, okay I don't have kids and if we don't have kids and you have a gun safe, you'll need a locket. That's just a door That's fine I'm saying is you get one more. Oh, there was a gun there. Okay, okay, so just use it well I'm ready. He didn't time gate that That's true. That's true. We're going on this one. What kind of gun is it Freddy? I'm not the specific on the type of gun probably handgun. Okay, all right a type of gun probably handgun okay all right one two three four a tactical submachine gun with laser sight and a cogs scope the first of its kind

vertical foregrip oh can we customize it like in Call of Duty okay well that's case that has the cool camo roll me a d20 I'm looking at the table of handguns in Call of Cthulhu and depending on what Beth rolls I'm just gonna count till I find the gun. Okay, cool, yeah, yeah. Natty 20. Wow. It's gotta be the best one. I mean, he gets exactly what he was just saying. I get the best one, I get the best one. I get the best one. You're literally gonna scream when you read this

and it technically doesn't work, but I do think that we should give it to Beth. Just the last one on the handguns, bitch. Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha! Beth, as you pull open the safe, you find in there, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You got a deagle on the buy round dude! Oh hell yeah. Which is the most powerful handgun capable of shooting a 50 caliber bullet. Only pistol in the game that can headshot somebody and kill them in one hit. So this gun was created in 1979, so we'll say that this is a prototype.

This is a prototype. This is the original prototype of the Desert Eagle. Got a very big handgun. It was the... It takes two hands to even hold it. Oh wow! The forest condor. Oh, okay.

Hahaha! What a dumb joke. Hahaha! Thanks Anthony, that one was for you. Oh wow the forest condor. Oh, okay I'm always there for you. You now have a huge handgun. I'm gonna go towards the size of your thigh Wow Keep going Freddie. That's just the size of the handgun you have so is that he wouldn't be able to say that to other women Specifically best I've never heard anybody compare the size to somebody else's thigh. Shall I compare you to a summer's thigh? Oh. Oh.

Thou art just as thick. Side note about the Desert Eagle, the company that made it actively solicited movies to use it in their movies. So that's why it's really well known. It's the gun that the agents have in the Matrix. Oh, wow. I would like to at least look out the window to see what I'm dealing with. Okay, great. Are you looking out a window towards the front of the house or the back of the house or the side?

You know that there's guys in the front of the house that Kelsey's currently looking at. You just heard from Bebe that there's guys around back. Blake is taking aim outside the front of the house, so it's up to you. This is a tactical decision on my part because, you know, I know that if Trudy sees Frances in peril, she will go back downstairs. But I think if I'm looking out, like, Bibi and Milton were worried about something behind the house.

Trudy's going to look outside behind the house. When you look out back, there's another guy with a flamethrower coming up towards the house. With him are two Bisons, one of whom is lighting up a Molotov cocktail and getting ready to throw it at the open window that you're currently in. Is there a bathroom in this room?

Yeah, sure. There's a bathroom in this room. It's en suite. There's gotta be, right? If Blake the plumber is building a house for himself, you know there's toilets everywhere. His favorite thing about houses is finding out where the bathrooms are. Yeah, that's correct. He's like, in my house, they can be everywhere. We'll say there's four bedrooms up here. Every bedroom has an en suite toilet.

It's just in the bedroom. It's not in the bedroom Trudy is going to close the window And then aim the desert eagle at the pipe behind the toilet And shoot can she do the thing in hardball where she takes a bullet out Oh, yeah, there's been the hole in the pipe and then like walks away and they like raise the gun Raise the gun and like he's gonna shoot the ball And he's like, I am, and he looks away And he turns around really fast, and he shoots the ball And then he punches it, and he punches the ball

Unfortunately that's not what Beth decided to do Once you get your own desert eagle I'm sorry I decided not to do that Nah it's okay, it's your first time with a desert eagle Do you say anything badass like do not go in there when you shoot the fucking Do not go in there Do not go in there The baddest ass line that's ever been

I cinema dude, my bad ass line is cinema. We're gonna need some extra TP. Kablamo! This gun bucks in your hand like a wild stallion. Wow! The porcelain throne erupts and a geyser of water sprays out into the open room. Because again, as we said, Blake's a freak who's just putting these toilets. This is actually a real thing, by the way.

When my parents bought their house, it was custom built by the architect of the house. It was like his home. And he designed it with just a toilet in the master bedroom. Weird. Like in the bedroom. Like in the middle of the bedroom, there was a toilet. And they had to redo it to get it removed.

That's a freaky guy. Yeah, so Blake being a certified freak, like the guy who built my parents' house, has put a toilet in this room and it explodes and sure enough it's like a fire hydrant's gone off. There's water spraying all over. It's spraying everywhere. Does it get onto the framed monograph of the Second Amendment that's over every toilet? Yes, it does. It's alright, there's many of those. I don't get into it, but nobody really cared about the Second Amendment until the 1970s and 1980s.

Yeah, it was by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Blake... Blake was the first. Blake was ahead of his time in many ways. It's Bebe's turn. Bebe is in the next en suite bedroom. Picking up what you're laying down. She's going to try to open this toilet up. She does not have a gun

so she's going to have to make a mechanical repair roll to see if she can figure out how to get this toilet to open off. To see if she can fail. Frey, you bring up a good point. Yeah. You bring up a good point. You bring up a good point. What point? Whether or not you want to fail or succeed is based off of what you want to do, right?

Oh, you're right. So if you tell Will, you want to do the opposite. Like, look at your stats. If you got a bad stat, be like, I want to... Power gamer Matt Arnold. I want to break the car. Yeah! That doesn't mean you can accidentally fix it!

This is like how Douglas Adams describes flying as throwing yourself at the ground and missing. Oh god. Okay, so Bibi's mechanical repair score is a 10. She rolled an 11. After all the fucking mysteries that she's fucking solved? That's your department. She hasn't solved a lot of car mysteries. She can use one luck, right? Yeah, yeah, she's gonna use a luck.

And so yes, she manages to wrench open the pipe so that it starts spraying water. Not as gloriously as the exploded toilet that fuckin' Trudy just busted open with her 50-cow bullet. But yes, you now have two of four bathrooms upstairs, flooding water into the rooms, which will hopefully keep the second floor from burning slightly less fast when and if it gets lit on fire it's Blake's turn. Blake hears beep beep beep beep and looks at his watch and there's two red LEDs

where it's like two toilets are out of commission and what's happening? he doesn't have an alert when his gun stays open he does have an alert for this oh yeah he knows the status when someone's in the toilet, yellow. When there's a toilet emergency it goes red, otherwise if all- Does it go brown? No. Hehehehe. And then otherwise when all systems are go it's green.

Yes, two of your four upstairs LEDs on your complicated watch- But Blake can't think of- But Blake can't think of that right now! Cause he's taking deadly aim. Freddie, give me a sanity roll. Ahahahahaha! Okay, you wanna play this fucking game? I, you want to play this fucking game I do you want to play this fucking 29 out of 85 in that case you're able to put your concern over your toilets aside

Momentarily even though they're soaking into your precious carpet causing all sorts of mayhem You're able to put that aside. You will not have disadvantage on your actions this round all right well I've aimed the previous round so I'm taking a shot now, okay, the closest flamethrower guy, okay? Oh, I wait until both of their heads line up They don't line up They didn't do that. I've been waiting for a long time different sides of the house. I don't know what the time Okay, fine. Whatever two guys with flamethrowers are not gonna line up for you They're not gonna line up for you

Hey, I hate to break it to you. I took geometry two points in space create a line Two points to find line they do three points in space do not always create a line And you're the third point and you're not in line with the other plane And it's plain to me that one of these men must die all right pull the fucking trigger blammo You need to roll something you know It's not nearly as fun as saying blam. Oh Esther. Can you get us a real good like blam. Oh sound effect Esther Please edit yourself in saying no I'm just gonna meet y'all in the middle and put some spice on Freddy saying ka blam. Oh Hell yeah. What is your firearm skill? It's pretty realistic. Sounds bad.

The rifle shotgun is 25. Alright, well it's a good thing you aimed. Give me a shot with advantage. 25 on the nose! So I could get a 15 or an 05. Oh and I do! Oh I got the zero so it's a 5! You got a 5!

You got a 5? I got a 5 which is a super duper success for firearms. And! I've never seen him so happy. And I'm checking the box next to it on my character sheet as I hope to improve this as time goes on. We should have taken a penalty dice for it being a targeted shot No, I aim though regardless Regardless regardless you rolled real good. Yes. Oh, yes, you hit the canister on this flamethrower guys flamethrower and He explodes which is a ball of fire towards like the front right side of the house Pretty close under your window and as this happens

Blake under his breath goes one more for the pile. So here's what we're gonna do Complicated guy we are gonna do a war Says when he gets a Nazi treasure, he just goes in his big He says when he gets a Nazi treasure, he just goes in his big Scrooge McDuck room and throws it in and goes another one for a pile. He's just got nothing in his life. Just fucking empty vault of Nazi gold and fucking 13 servants he's not friends with. He just fucking spends his life looking at people's bathrooms for just wanting to make him a humanity. Just the tiniest bit. Just trying to connect with somebody. Just because you said that I'm gonna make him be friendly with everybody of them on the staff everyone's gonna love them on this staff now when he sees you in the staff they're gonna be like Blake how's everything going

there's gonna be long conversations. We're gonna talk to all your servers behind your back Um... You're not taking Blake away from me this time, Matt! How about you run roughshot over him? I just have sickly summarized what you've done to him in the last three episodes. That's all I did. Blake, give me a luck roll. Fucking catching strays, nice stuff. 66 out of 31, failed. Okay, so in that case your house does catch on fire. So yes, this fireball,ball like it's just blasting flaming

How's be doing the role? That's not me Your house if I shot a flame thrower guy outside my house and the explosion fucking lit my house on fire I would consider that my luck being bad Freddy. You should have just said you wanted your house to get set on yeah I would consider that my luck being bad freddy. You should have just said you wanted your house to get set on fire. Yeah, yeah So I built it with all these flammable materials. That's great Your house is now on fire and then since I was in place I'm gonna take my next action is to move To just move out of that because obviously everyone's gonna be aware of where that shot comes from okay

So now you're right and as I'm repositioning I go how ironic that man still accomplished his task despite exploding That's the definition of irony. It's like rain It is now Kim own wants turn She is going to try to wrestle the gun away from you Francis a gun rasslin roll Do you want to try to dodge her fight back or do a sort of counter maneuver dodger? So she's gonna be her fighting brawl against your dodge. I got a three Wow Okay, she's a little guy she got a 53 out of 65 So she's a normie success normie success despite years of trying to wrangle you into clothes when you were a toddler and buckle

You into will not seat belts But just trying to manhandle you throughout your rambunctious youth into getting into various vehicles and buildings. She's unable to grab this gun away from you. She lunges for it and you pull it away from her just in time. It is now the rest of the front of the house bison's turn, so the one that is still standing

is gonna take a shot at Shane. Big Shane Sylvain. Big Shane Sylvain. Hiding in the trees. Fuck dude, that Big Shane's the coolest, hiding in the trees. Fuck dude, I think Shane's the coolest character. Oh fuck. He gets a very good success,

so he's gonna roll damage on Shane. His name was Shane, Big Shane. He gets a big piece out of Shane. He fires back up with him and gets this lucky shot. Shane takes a bullet right in the stomach and falls out of the tree. He's still up. He's not unconscious, but he's slammed into the ground. The other bison out here is the other guy with the flamethrower. Unobstructed is just gonna open up with his flamethrower on the side of the house. And now that house is burning from two sides of the front, so it's gonna start getting smoky in here.

Dude, you're about to lose your house. It's okay. They're only things Things come and go you also have two other houses also. I can just use the other house Wow Ambruster returns from the hidden gun room in the library. Do he looks like the machine in Robocop He's got a sort of um Daniel Day-Lewis last of the Mohicans vibe Where he's just got like some rifles and some pistols sort of in his hands And he's just sort of like come out into the middle of the room If anyone would like to partake of one of our many firearms, please do so So that's gonna be his turn, he's just making himself available to you guys should you want to tool up

Milton's turn, Milton has groped his way to another bathroom and is going to try to fuck up another upstairs bathroom. Let's see what Milton's mechanical repairs. Under his breath he's like, okay, just like we've always practiced. Just like we've always done it. One day Kelsey would be relying on me to shit good. I knew it. It's a good thing he took all those fiber pills this morning.

And every morning? And every morning And every morning I will give you guys the choice Would you rather have Milton make a mechanical repair roll or try to poop so hard into this thing that he clogs it? Oh my god, you kidding? That's not a choice at all All right, Milton's gonna make a constitution roll Can't toilet flush down like five golf balls or something? Yeah, now

Now Back then They didn't set those up in the home depot flushed down like five golf balls or something. Yeah, now. Now. Now. Back then, they didn't set those up in the home depot. People poop smaller. His con roll is going to be a constipation roll. Milton shuts his eyes and thinks, five golf balls. That's all you need, five golf balls. This is so gross.

This is so yucky. It's up to you how much you describe it. You're the one in charge. He gave us the option, too. I wasn't even feeling it, but the wrestling group was, so I much you describe it. You're the one in charge! He gave us the option too. I wasn't even feeling it, but the rest of the group was, so I went along with it. Sure. And now look what's happening. So Milton rolled a 37, his constitution is 35.

Oh he failed! He's gonna spend two luck. Now there's luck! He's just straining like, luck be a lady! Milton gives it everything he's got. But he's only got four golf balls worth in there. The next time we see him, his eyes are like popped a blood vessel. He doesn't, unfortunately does not have eyes anymore. Oh yeah, sorry.

But he squeezes and strains, and then he strains so hard that he falls off the toilet, knocking a golf ball, which was sitting on the windowsill over and then it falls into the toilet The hole in one that Blake made! Yeah He hears the telltale plunk of a golf ball in water and not being able to see it goes that could only be the sound Of a golf ball falling into water which I know very well and he flushes the toilet in a cloth and now Is gonna start burbling up yucky water into this room. So you got three of four upstairs toilets working. This is the sickest puzzle game I've ever played.

Yeah, this is some LucasArts shit. Francis, it is your turn. Before you do anything. Yes. Time slows down for a minute. Just long enough to have a sort of out of time conversation. I finally have bullet time. You finally have bullet time.

And in bullet time, you feel have bullet time and in bullet time you feel Brunhilda her spirit sort of wrap up around you and she strokes your hair trying not to get a boner I'm gonna roll Constitution to see if I don't you're bleeding out from the legs. So this will be give me Constitution with advantage we'll say yeah, it'll be a hell of a thing if you can manage to get a boner no matter what Sorry, I'm even going here but like if you got a boner, but you were bleeding out would that like help you Into that on the pit yeah The fucking D-Day scene like how many handies the medics were given But wait if I it'll feel like someone else's This is like how one guy was so upset when he picked up his own hand. That's the one more guy I can't save.

But wait, if I get shot, it'll feel like someone else is doing it. Uh, I failed pretty badly. So you do get a boner? She whispers in your ear, My sweet dark prince. Oh, what a mess you are in. Look around you, my baby boy. You're dying.

Your friends are going to die. The man across the street wants to kill you, my baby boy. You're dying. Your friends are going to die. The man across the street wants to kill you to make you suffer. Your own mother drags you away. You try like a feeble baby boy to shoot, but you can't, you can't even kill yourself, right? You're helpless. You're just like a tiny dark orchid blossoming in the night,

and you need help to survive, to save your friends, to do the things that you wish. We know this throwing your life away. It is not so great for you. Do you know how sad I was when you pulled the trigger to miss you? Oh, but I'm so glad we find ourselves here, because there is only one way, only one way, and you know this, for you to save your friends, for you to stop your mother, for you to stop the men across the street,

and that is to let me in, Francis. Let me in with three bullets. You and I together, we can stop this. You can save the people you love, and we can spill their blood. Let me in. So if you let Brunhilde in, you have three rounds left in your magazine and you will get three automatic successes with those bullets. Auto success? But that's it. Oh, okay. Well, yeah, just take it.

That's awesome. Yes, no, but the more you let her in, the harder it is going to be to resist her will in the future. Right. Do you want them to die? Do you want Trudy to die after what you said to her? You came out, you did your plan, and it failed. It failed, my boy. You tried to shoot your own- You just made me realize something. Yeah? I trust my friends. Mm-hmm?

So no, they don't need my help that badly. I'm not let you in just say so far. Did I am right here? I just told you no take the L I'll be here waiting all right. It's your turn What do you want to do so mom tried to get the gun for me and failed does that mean? She's no longer like pulling me she gets to try again on her next turn Okay, and how messed up are you he sands one leg below the knife three HP left three HP Okay, yeah, and then yes missing a leg I think the most helpful thing Francis can do right now because he wants these people to die He wants all of them to die so that the people he cares about well, so Trudy

Gives you everything you want, huh? Knogli, I'm your favorite teacher. Yeah. Yeah. What does that mean? Not much. Oh my god. Can I undo my rack spell? I don't want to help Francis.

I think Francis is going to try to take another shot, does mom? Give me a firearms rule. Another miss. Okay. 65, very bad miss, not even worth spending the luck on. Okay, boom. You have two shots left. your mother is getting her wits about her gonna say Francis stop I'm your mother put the gun down not gonna say anything. I'm through talking to her Kelsey It's now your turn sorry Matt has adjusted his microphone so that he's now standing and talking

To standing desk mode I can open the door the doors open doors open you have line of sight on the guy Belching flame up at the wall Francis you're on the floor Knees out bleeding everywhere your mom just might need the entire leg beneath it is gone your face clearly had fucked up a bit You're pointing you're gonna. Yeah, and I just fired at her and missed okay I'm just gonna grab a Francis. I'm gonna scream Francis. No no I'm gonna go I'm gonna try to grab one hand like around his collar. Okay. His mom is right there, right? Yeah, okay? I know I know okay, so you can try something I

Wish you would let's see what happens I'm gonna pull Francis. I need one hand on my shotgun So I'm not gonna like try to stop him from shooting his mom yet I'm gonna start pulling him back towards the door, and I'm holding my gun out like saying stay back We'll call this a fighting maneuver between you and her because she's guarding him essentially And you're trying to grab him and pull him away. Yeah, so does she try to grab? Yes, she is gonna try to fight you okay. I'm always she tries to fight. I'm gonna cast rack Yes, she is gonna try to fight you okay. I'm always she tries to fight. I'm gonna cast rack

Okay, you either crash rack or grab Francis. I go to grab Francis, but if she's going to try to stop me I'm going to cast rack on her okay. Yeah, we'll see that basically yes, you can see that as you Are you casting rack when you should be racking your shot? You have a spell in your hands right there. It's all in the magic of salt Peter Why can't you poke him on go to kill my mom? You have a spell in your hands right there, dude. Using the magic of Saltpeter. Why can't you Pokemon go to kill my mom? I'm gonna say, leave him alone. He's coming with us. Stop! And then we're gonna cast a wreck. Do it.

Alright, so this is not my first time, but I gotta roll under 25. God, this is not gonna happen. 26! Oooh! I spent one luck! I spent one luck! You're gonna burn one luck? And with a little bit of luck on your Irish. Oh my gosh. Like the summer of 2008, I Get Lucky by Daft Punk.

What summer was that? Kelsey says that, I was like, why didn't I just say that? You're gonna be up all night to the sun with this one. I Get Lucky. Get Lucky, the house inspired disco. When did that come out? I think it is 2008. 2013. No, not close.

No. I had the idea for that song. I had the idea. 39 Luck Now, I'm tracking it. I stop and I'm gonna roll 1d6 to see how long she fucking- Well, hold on, because it's an opposed power roll. Oh, you're right. So she has a power of 70 and she got a 19.

Oh! So she stands her ground and she glares at you like a mama bear protecting her wounded cub. You're gonna wish you took this spell as I say, as I cock the shotgun. Question, like would she know that some manner of arcane magics was attempted upon her? Yes, she would. Dang. It is now Chastity's turn.

She's writhing on the ground still for one more round. At the back of the house, Trudy, you see this from the window you're staring out of. That one guy is gonna throw his Molotov cocktail at you through the window that you closed. Could you catch a Molotov cocktail? Absolutely. Trudy's gonna open the window.

She's gonna open the window? Yeah, she's gonna try to catch it. Okay. Throw it back. That's fucking badass. I've never seen that in a movie. That's so cool That's sick. Yeah sick his skills a 65 his throw skill and he rolled a 31 Okay picture for the baseball even lobs this thing straight through the window. It's coming right at you

Okay, and we will call this a sort of fight back to catch it Skill you should use absolutely insane that I'm looking over at Beth's desk and on her desk is a copy of Catching Fire. Holy shit! Is it really? Yeah. I'm rereading The Hunger Games.

Oh, I didn't know you were rereading The Hunger Games. That's crazy. I guess we'll just call this a dexterity roll. Surely. May the odds forever be in your favor. The odds are not in my favor with dexterity. Let's do this. Hot dice. Hot dice, hot dice. not in my favorite with dexterity. Let's do this. Hot dice.

Hot dice, hot dice. Let me check what my dexterity actually is so I know if I'm getting good. I have 25. Let's roll it up. A six. Oh! All right, describe the move.

What do you do? Dude, it's actually so sick. Like, she has her hand in front of her, like, you know, parting the Red Sea kind of motion. She lets her hand go back with the bottle as she catches it to kind of soften the blow, and then she throws it right back at him. Yeah!

Catch and release, baby! With this Clutch Roll, I will allow you to, even though it is not on your turn, you can make a Throw Roll to hit him with it. Throw, let me see what I have here... Dude, if you fumble right now and light the room... That would be really sad. I don't fumble but I fail.

Okay. Yeah. I think it breaks but in a place that's inconvenient for anybody. Yeah, it just splashes onto the asphalt outside. Yeah. Or hits Blake's most beloved deck chair. Oh no! It lands right in the fire pit and starts a little cozy fire in the fire pit.

Meanwhile, the flamethrower guy back there is bathing the back wall of the house in flames, and the third guy is going to lob another Molotov cocktail up into the room that Bebe is in. Dang, dude. Dang, dude. You hear the sound of glass shattering a room over, and you hear a sort of muffled scream from Bebe as this Molotov cocktail goes sailing into the room. But she did break the toilet, right? She did break the toilet. Yeah. It is now Shane's turn. Big Shane Silver!

Shane is splatted onto the ground. He's gonna get up clutching his wound and then he takes his bloodied hand off to raise his rifle again and he's gonna fire at the bison who's shooting at him. Shoots itself to the fence! Tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss tss t Fucking like in um the rifleman yeah, that's what we'll say he has he has all those lever-action Yeah, dude, okay. It's Ambersters turn because you're running from one room to the other says What would you like me to do with the gun sir do I notice that there's fire? Yeah? I look at my watch in the toilet that was like red now has a little fire icon next to it Oh, no, you heard the glass shattering in BB's room, and you heard her scream Ambruster yes firing back return fire we under attack very good sir

And then Ambruster drops all of the guns on the ground revealing that he held on to two pistols And they're too like golden fucking best. Oh, he's got to 45 And he says just like in marrakesh, sir Which would know would you like me to dive guns a gimbal out of that everybody say goodbye to amber sir Tactically advantageous window to dive out of with two guns house tactics still on your mind So there's still a flamethrower guy out front There's three Bisons out front including kimon one and Shane and then out back there are three Bisons one with a flamethrower I want amber sir to go take out those motherfuckers in the back very good sir stealth mode engaged

Are you he dives out the window and is going to? Open fire on one of the Bisons who just chucked a molotov cocktail in at BB He's gonna do two attack rolls for lefty and righty at disadvantage okay so he misses with lefty come on ambassade and He misses with right he's Come on, ambassador. And he misses with righty. He's got a 92 and a 91. Wow. So yes.

He looks so fucking cool as he dives out of this window just blasting bullets. And they just go sailing right by. But he does draw the attention of one of the Bisons as he lands on the ground and gets up to shoot again. Milton gropes his way out of the bedroom and gives a do not go in there. Says, okay, that's one toilet clogged.

What should I do? Someone tell me what to do. We need to get out of here. The house is on fire. The smoke is filling up. The plumbing just isn't going fast enough. Okay, but what about my mom? Where's my mom?

Oh, um. And then yes, so Trudy, you hear, I need to go, I need to go. Maybe we should let your mom go. What? Trudy you here. I need to go I need to go maybe we should let your mom go Just I I'm trying to think I'm sorry, I don't know I don't know what to do I don't know Milton finds his way to you and grabs your hand says it's okay. Mrs. Trout. I'm scared, too We gotta get my mom. We gotta get out of here. You're right. Okay I'm gonna give him a listen roll

to see if he can just kind of clock, which yeah, he did really well. He opens the door to the room that his mom is in and is gonna rush towards the sound of her voice and try to just start desperately untying. Is your turn? Trudy's just gonna cock the gun and be like, Milton, BB, and Roz, get behind me, follow me.

You gotta untie my sister. BB's gonna do that on her turn. Because BB's up there with you guys Look here's what we'll say BB and Milton are untying Ross. You've got this gun. There's guys outside the window Downstairs, I'm gonna take a shot out the window. Yes. Yeah, okay Who do you want to shoot a flamethrower guy or one of the non flamethrower guys? Flamethrower guy and then Milton goes but no killing and it goes into your terminator And then Milton goes, but no killing and it goes into your Terminator view as you stand

Give me a firearms roll and this is a handgun. Yes, although that you don't have to use that if you don't have a specialization What's the question? I have 40. Okay, you didn't handgun. Yeah, okay upgrades Are you trying to aim at the tank or you trying to aim at him? I guess if I blow him up, then he's not a problem either. I just don't want Are you trying to aim at him? I guess if I blow him up, then he's not a problem either. I just don't want I just don't want to accelerate the fire I guess I wonder how close he is to the house if the tank explodes will the house Suffer damage because of it, so it's already suffering damage right now because he's hitting him I gave Blake a lock roll, so I would give you a lock roll. Yeah, yeah, I'll aim for the tank

Okay, so then here's how this is gonna work. It's gonna be a hard success Okay, a regular success you hit him, but not the tank and a hard success you for the tank. Okay, so then here's how this is gonna work. It's gonna be a hard success. A regular success, you hit him, but not the tank. And a hard success, you hit the tank. I got an 18. Okay, so you hit the tank. And the guy fucking explodes. And just a massive fireball at the back of the house shakes the windows.

Give me a luck roll. Okay, my luck is 38. Paltry amount of luck. Fuck, I got 40. It's like in Die Hard when he pushes the C4 over. Yeah. And you see that cool explosion, he's like, yeah, then like the wall of flame rushes up to him.

So you manage to lean down and pop this guy right in his flamethrower tank, and the explosion erupts past the second story and knocks you back as the whole back wall of the house goes up in flames And one of the Bisons goes that's why I never volunteer for flamethrower duty It's BB's turn BB is gonna use her turn to untie Roz with Milton and the two of them and Roz are now with you and

Unless you have specific instructions for them. They're just gonna move with you Yeah, now we haven't cleared my butt. I believe because we just drove up there, like our door mobile should be outside. You guys got wheels outside. Yeah, door mobile's outside. We just gotta get the door mobile. Yeah. Blake, it's your turn. I think I wanna thin out the herd a little bit. So I'm gonna run to the other side of the house.

Yes, yeah, you said you were mid-run last time. Yeah, yeah, and I have a look where my boy, Ambruster and... Trudy? Trudy. What's the point of having a servant if you're not gonna let the servant sacrifice his life for you?

Just tell Emperor to hold them off in the back and let's all go out front to the dormobile. That's a good point. But Blake has forged his blood on the blood-soaked fields of the European theater, Matt. Something you would know nothing about. This is when you find out that Blake crash in an airplane in like a French field, like a farm,

and the German soldier soldiers looking for him And who's this that hit him underneath his basement? He was the one who first showed me how to turn a wrench he's the first time to love What's the situation out back? There's two guys back there. Oh, I'm sure Scott that Okay, so you do remember what happened on his last turn? Yeah, but that was just distraction tactics. Okay. I know Amberster well.

He knows how to draw attention to himself and use cover and concealment to return fire effectively. Ah, but usually he has someone helping him. I'm gonna take a pot shot out back. Okay, so you're gonna shoot... A guy. Okay. Great. So you bust down one of the bedroom doors and you I open the door. It's my house

You delicately open the door to the room that Milton lit up with his stinky poops And you run to the window and you fire down at one of the Bisons give me a firearms roll 60 I miss okay, but I think I draw attention to myself. I'll be like bet you can't shoot me Okay, man. You really got him. Okay. Keep talking. I'm reloading Thanks for letting me know that which is code to amber stir just circle around back or something like that Okay, it's Kim own ones turn. She sees Kelsey with this shotgun Right at her you hate to see two women fighting over a guy Kelsey you see Kimon one

Glower and raise a hand and do a similar series of hand gestures She says get away from him you bitch and she is going to cast I didn't know we had a fighter amongst us. Well, well, well. Looks like another Racker. Your swordsmanship is familiar. She goes, hey Kelsey, nice Rack. What did you learn, Rack-ish?

Stupid. So how does it work again, Matt? Don't lie to me. If you were the master of- Shut the fuck up! If you were taught by one of the the racks this is you would already know this The sisters of racking I think she gets a disadvantage because she doesn't know how to fucking do this spell three magic points She knows how to do this bow. She's fucking been astral projecting

Rack years ago opposed power. She's just about about racking. It's one d6. I'll be freaking hunched over to be back to you About racking and it's 1d6. I'll be freaking hunched over to be back to you Okay, so her power is a 70 mm-hmm just tell me the low number she got a 69 Oh, you just need to do good You just need to do nice you just need to do good that's got like 38. Okay, but wait, let me see How many more episodes do you think we have? 38. Okay, but wait, let me see. How many more episodes do you think we have? Hahahaha Uh oh

I have to spend 26 to get a super success I have 13 luck net left But we can't have Francis getting taken away How dare you

How dare you Up to you Matt. In her head, Kelsey is listening to her favorite song with 2013 summer hit, Get Lucky. She's going to spend it. You're going to spend it? I'm going to spend it. I'm going to spend it.

There's only so much left of this. You want to split a party? Do you think this season is going to survive a split party right now? I'm going to spend it. There's only so much left of this. We got, I can't, you want to split a party? You want a party right now? I do it. I'm taking one for the team. Everybody. Well, you're welcome. You don't have to figure out from across the way you said your DM shedding a deer. Okay, I'm going to spend it. Hell yeah. Yeah, big TV mad in the room. Okay, I'm gonna spend it. Hell. Yeah, this is what happens when you get a big TV mad in the room That's all fucking

Gorgied you know everybody's luck runs out at some point some point. I kind of like flinch for a second. I look here go Looks like you were tied in the engine You were trained by cordesky. I trained Cordesky. Zuzel taught me how to handle this. Her eyes go wide. She's astonished. She just threw her best fastball at you and it bounced right off of you. Not quite bounced. I got like a nose. I got like blood coming out of my nose. Gotta try harder than that to rack this rack. Okay, we're back to the other FOB, front of the house Bisons. Front of the house. Front of the house Bisons.

Our main guy is going to take a shot at Shane as Shane bull rushes him. Big Shane Silver! Does indeed his guns! Hahahaha! Kills him with his hands! He misses very badly. Oh, boy.

And Shane's just coming at him, guns blazing. So we'll deal with that on Shane's turn. Roaring like a bull! I will say the flamethrower guy pretty satisfied with the job He's done with the flamethrower. I knew I got this job for a reason. 100% of his callings are exploded. I'm always glad for somebody to be proud of their work. He's like I did a good job flaming my part of the house. Honey on my first day I burnt it. I did it. He looks down he sees Kelsey standing with his shotgun, staring down at Kamoanwan in the middle

of some sort of wizard battle. Yeah, dude, it's like in Harry Potter 5, when Harry Potter looks at him, he sees Voldemort and then another one, double tour, and they're throwing water waves at each other, and then they bring glass. It's like that was happening, and then a guy with a flamethrower came up and shot Harry Potter.

Yeah. But we're all, just to clarify, well, this is about me trying to help you out here, we're very close together from my understanding. I was grabbing- Oh that's a good point. And she was literally over, like the three of us are a group. We might kill the two elder female characters. Like we're right next to each other.

That's a good point. Yeah. Flamethrower guy might not be the smartest guy though, he didn't volunteer for flamethrower game. If this was a hex based game I think we're on the same hex We're not even adjacent like this is a good point you raise a good point Matthew. You may have just lawyer your life The two rack sisters look at each other go just this one time Shared enemy and the two of us so cool rack to rack back to back

wait aren't the flame thrower guys with her? yeah but I was gonna try and murder yes but always have respect for a fellow witch shifting allegiances on the battlefield you guys are truly the daughters of the witches he couldn't murder oh no flame guy number three has a decision to make shit now I'm really liking your mom I think wish she did that right?

you don't like anything about her you just I'm really liking your mom. I think we should Was it just a nosebleed it's like the boil started, but stop so it's like she left a cool scar on my face So I look at me like Boyle leaves a cool scar Magic boy, I guess it makes sense that Kelsey who was prize fighter, would respect somebody who's good at fighting. Thank you. Anyways, thanks for the cool scar, babe. Thanks for the cool scar, babe. Thanks for the cool scar, babe.

Remember in Force Awakens, where Kylo Ren said thanks for the cool scar, babe? Don't be judged, just because I have a cool rack sister and I'm a fucking wizard now. Yeah, you don't say something like double double boils and Trouble yeah, there's a me and her high five okay, and you pride her high five Yeah, and you live happily ever after we fucking have wine parties on Saturdays Nothing like a good wine party a yeah, you I owe W He's gonna draw his gun and shoot at you Matt. Okay. He's a gun, too Hey fucking rich get richer Look at that super set That's a real water gun

That's so funny Matt That's so good, it's a one hand flamethrower That's pretty good Max you know what? She has a flare gun That's what we'll say He's set out like me in Far Cry 2 Okay He's gonna take a shot at you Matt

Okay I'm looking up the real life consequences It's insane Yeah it's really bad It's bad. Yeah, it's really bad It's probably as bad as like a bullet. I think it's it's probably depending on the range I bet you in about do I know is not as bad as a bullet I Found the video I knew I could do this in ten seconds. I thought the video or a guy's like flare gun versus human head What's gonna hurt for sure? YouTube channels where the guys out in the forest somewhere

He's wearing a baseball cap, and I don't have to tell you what color it is And what flag happens to be on the front hey? What what color do you think is t-shirt is if you answered all of you? Matt I'll tell you this it's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt if he hits me if he hits you a 357 Magnum does 1d8 plus 1d4 a flare gun Does 1d10 plus 1d3 burn? dumb For some bag them. They're saying a fergan hurts more than Magnum. How does he give me the process?

I roll those rules don't just roll back there without saying anything as I'm dead Is it a miss I'm dead Firearms roll okay, and then if he hits you he hits you okay, and then we were all very simple pretty elegant rules So I am here's here's why I will say I am watching several YouTube videos of people shooting flare guns into like mannequins and stuff It does appear to embed itself into this melon and then blow fire everywhere I'm gonna say like I don't know I hope neither of these things happen but I would rather get shot with like a gun in the leg than a flare gun in the leg because like a bullet is like Precedent and that's a precedent injury and doctors are gonna know what to do

Like Chicago is the best gunshot trauma team at the Chicago Hope Hospital? Peacheville Hospital has the best flare gun William & Winspon. Will, do you already roll? Do you already know my fate? I do. Oh, then, Fray, stop talking. I rolled a 73, so he misses. Nice. This flaming hot mega bullet sizzles straight past your face and he raises my cheek

For a second you think a third witch a fire witch has entered the scene But then you see it's flamethrower guy with his flame pistol and then he's got a man sir Quick change turn lit from behind. Dude he's like silhouetted and looking so cool right now. Like behind him right? Because the flare gun missed and it probably shot off behind him. Can you look cool after you've fallen out of a tree though? Well if you're clutching a cool stomach wound and dragging a Winchester. Big Shane Silva is going to rifleman style keep walking and firing his lever action rifle. Well if you're clutching a cool stomach wound and dragging a Winchester.

Big Shane Silva is going to rifleman style keep walking and firing his lever action rifle and his enemy the bison in front of him and lights him the fuck up. So we're gonna do a damage roll right now. Lights him the fuck up. Alright he does six damage to this guy. The guy is going to make a constitution saving throw, which he fails He takes a big old slug in the gut and falls over and collapses and passes out and Big Shane just walks straight past him He's marching straight up. He passes out. Is this a fucking Pokemon game? Can he die?

He fainted! This is how the rules work! You go unconscious when you kill the turbo! Super effective! And then as he's walking he does one of those unforgivings Yes! And just fucking BLAAM! One last shot, coup de grace right in the head, the guy's down. He is headed like a freight train for Khmon-Wan and you and Francis. Oh no.

Amberster's going to pop up from the fucking bushes in the backyard and do like one of those gun-cotta moves. In equilibrium. And he's going to- Amberster, my god. Amberster has been developing the gun kata. He's going to gun kata back lit from the wall, ablaze from the exploded flamethrower guy. Not to be an asshole, he doesn't gun kata.

He uses the art of gun kata to shoot. Yeah, he uses the gun kata. The verb is shoot, but the gun kata is the martial arts. So like a Tetragrammatron cleric, he's going to use the gun katas to shoot at the two guys that are left back here. It's just gonna kind of there's no poor Matt so fucking cool, dude Misses his first shot. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Fuck you. Listen this okay because according to cannon the gun Kata through analysis of thousands of gun fights

The cleric has determined the geometric distribution of antagonists in any gun battle is a statistically predictable Element the gun Kata will treat the gun as a total weapon each fluid position representing a maximum kill zone Total weapon Maximum number of issues but but will will representing a maximum kill zone. I like how before we were using guns as a total weapon. On the maximum number of officials. But Will, Will, you are the one who said... If you're just reading the just the monologue and that's it, you think that's gonna change my mind? Because again, like I said, maximum damage, maximum number of opponents while keeping the defender clear

of this disney traditional directions return fire. But Will, listen to me, listen to me. Because you're the one who said, Gunkada, by the rote master of this art your firing efficiency will rise by no less than 120% Exact numbers that you have to modify Embers or stats to so you're saying Ambersters firearm stack goes up 63 percent is that we're 63 the accuracy is a hundred and yeah, you're firing efficiency rises by no less than 120 percent no less than And then if he hits 63% increase in lethality.

Okay, alright. So, how do we roll for how much above? What's his um... Alright, here's what we're gonna do, shut up. Okay. First thing we're gonna do is roll a d20 to determine how much above 120% his proficiency goes. His firearm proficiency, yep. So that's three.

So he's just at normal level. 123%. 123%. He hasn't been using gun katas. But what is his firearm still? So just fucking relax. I'm so excited right now to apply math. I want to get this out of the way first.

I want to get this out of the way first. At no point in your entire history together have you learned the gun katatas from Ambruster. I didn't, I didn't. That's right, that was his forbidden fighting art. I agree. He was like, I will do anything you ask, sir, except this. I will not take the gunkata.

Because the gunkatas are so terrible that I don't wanna curse you with their power. You've actually never seen it. Oh, yeah! You heard stories of it, he's like, I don't do that anymore. You're like, what? He's like, I don't do that anymore. You're like, what? He's like, you will never know what I was before this.

You only know me as a farmer and now a butler. You'll never know what I was before. You only know me as a farmer and now a butler. Because you made me. You took me from the first life and made me the second. All right, his firearms is 20. You mean? So his firearms is now 143 So his firearms is what 20 yes times 1.23, right? Okay. Yeah, so now it's 25

No, no, no, no, no, if you say something's 100% more you mean Oh it's double yeah, so it'd be like 40 something plus 20 percent 45 2.2 right? Yeah double yeah, so be like 40 something 20 plus 20 percent five two point two right okay, so He's like still not as good as Kelsey Come on all right, so now you're rolling against 44 for his head. That's good though It's good staff with disadvantage. I might add what do you mean because he's shooting two guns at once Disadvantages of using a gun I'm so employed of it. Look at all the weaknesses. In the movie! In the movie! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up Fu! Anthony! Anthony! Let me ask you a question! Hey, my character pulls out a lightsaber!

Do you think we can tell the audience about Star Wars? Anthony! Alright, he gets a 19 with his first shot. YES! Which one I'm still passing without his gun caught in the trigger? No, but it's a better success. It's a better success now. It's a new type of success we have never seen. He has a 92 with his second roll.

That's fine. But you got super duper, you got super success on the first one. He got super success. Now how do we roll damage? So he has a gun, so he has a gun. Yeah, we know that phrase. 63% more lethal. 63%? I'm gonna roll the damage for his gun. It's a 1d10 plus 2, and then we multiply that by 1.62. We don't have a 60% more lethal Plus two and then we multiply that's the one you can post you are you getting that from that's a 1911 okay? All right, so 1d10 plus 2 1d10 plus 2 so he rolled a 10 Plus 2 is 12 okay times what 1.63. Yeah, okay, and maybe I'm pushing this too far. I really don't audience is this by we'll just say if we are gonna play

He may have missed a second shot, like every gun fight he gains knowledge. Alright, fine Matt, his skill is a 45 12 times 1.6. He's 19.56. I think that rounds to 20 so he rolls a 20 for damage So yes, he drills this guy straight in the fucking forehead his head explodes He crumples to the ground and yes his second hand which missed now He locks in ever slightly more as he prepares to draw A piece of data he has in his time He has a geometric formulations of what happens in a gunfight And then the bison is like, my god, the gun contest They're true

Oh my god And with that, it's now And with that, you tread on my dreams With that, yes! Yes, Ben! Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you by Oxio. Hey everyone, we love the internet. Uh, what?

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Start listening and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.ca. Nobody expected that we're going to have fucking Racker Riches and Gun Cod in this episode. You should watch Equilibrium on the big TV. Oh my god, we've gotta do Equilibrium and watch this episode for sure. It's Milton's turn, which means Trudy, it's your turn. You're leading our escape squad.

The walls are getting hot, there's smoke pouring in from every window, what do you wanna do? But the toilets are helping. There's water starting to trickle out onto the hallway so that would slow the spread of those fire, but right now it's just getting harder to see him. Okay, got it, got it, got it. It's Trudy's goal to trickle out onto the hallway, so that would slow the spread of those fires, but right now it's just getting harder to see him. Okay, got it, got it, got it. It's Trudy's goal to get out to the car and just to escape the house right now.

Does she have a clear shot to the outside of the house? When you get downstairs, you realize Chasity is gone. Give me a spot, hit and roll. I rolled a 22 and my score is 60. I succeed. Okay, so you see a trail of blood and ooze from where she was writhing and bleeding. You see some bloodied footprints going off into the back towards the kitchen

and you start to smell gas. Oh, I think somebody is not using the stove the correct way. We just need to get out of here. I can't afford to save this very nice house Come along Milton and BB and Ross. She holds her gun up as she walks out the front door Yeah, you get through the front door. You are now witness to the tableau out here Which is Shane marching towards this wizard brawl between Camon Juan and Kelsey as

Francis lies bleeding on the ground, his legs shot clean off. Oh, Francis! Flamethrower guy is reloading his second round into his flamethrower, not into his flare gun, and preparing to take aim again at Kelsey. And since all you've done is move so far, I will let you take an action

if you wanna shoot at somebody. I'm gonna shoot at the flare gun guy. Okay, great. Yay! Give me a firearms rule. 45, I might, let's see how much luck. I don't have that much luck, so I miss. You don't wanna use any luck to save me? Okay, okay.

I use 24, am I lucky? How much luck do you have? I have 38 luck, and I'm going to use five luck. Okay. To succeed and hit the flare gun man. Oh, give me a one D10. Seven. to succeed and hit the flare gun man. Ho ho ho ho! Give me a 1d10. 7.

Plus a 1d6. 5. 7 plus 5 plus 3. So 15 damage. After this, if you fucking spend some time with the butler... With the abuser? With the abuser? You can learn the gun call!

The mathematical fucking calculation would be so easy for you. You can pump that up to 25 damage. Wow. And just say, next rest we got. That is his entire HP. You drill him straight in the heart and he staggers back. This will be fun. Give me a luck roll.

Holy shit. Okay, I got like the most successful roll ever. I literally rolled a one. Oh wow, okay. In that case case the bullet passes through his body and does not ignite the huge fuel tank on his back. Nice. And it passes clean through him and he drops to the ground dead. It is now Bebe's turn. Bebe's gonna hold her turn to wait to see what you want to do. Blake it's your turn. I think I'm gonna join the group out front

and try and get the car. So you're just gonna leave the Amberster to tango with this last guy. I think a practitioner of the gun Take care of one measly fucking peasant You are to be clear the guy that he's fighting not trained in the gun. Kata is that We don't know we'll call that a double move action you're not gonna be able to do anything else this turn That's fair. I'll join up with Kelsey's group essentially so you make it to the front door with Trudy's and do I see our car? Yes, you do. I'm gonna make a beeline to the van. Okay, just get it fired up Yeah, you're able to do that you hop into the front seat and the bed for dormobile rumbles to life

It is now Kim own wands turn So she sees you with the gun She sees her son on the ground She recognizes the dark aura of a fellow Rack Witch. And I try to give the face off that I still have magic points. So does she. We both got magic points. All of us have magic points. You used two spells at six magic points.

I know what you're thinking. Does he have six magic points or only five? She looks at you. She's staring down the barrel of the shotgun. She just saw Trudy one-shot the flamethrower guy. She sees Shane rounding the corner with a lever action rifle and sees Blake coming out the door now as well. She locks eyes with you Kelsey and she casts Fist of Yog-Sothoth. You guys have run into this spell once before. So she is going to burn five magic points on this

So yeah, she rears back and she blasts with her hand out at you Okay, when the target is struck, which is you Kelsey give me a constitution roll and there's no like dodging or anything No, there's no dodging is is an opposed role must be made using the spell strength versus the targets constitution So she got a 55 the spell has a 55 strength, okay Give me a constitution roll 33 okay, what's your constitution 54 so that is just a normal success you got normal success yes first so her roles at 55 Yes, you rolled a 56

So she rears back and she with all of her might blasts this wave of energy at you and you feel it knock into you. But then like an anime character, your feet just dig into the ground a little bit more as you sort of fucking resist every ounce of her will. And her eyes widen at you and she says, what are you? That's strike two, sure you want pitch again. Is that, wait, that would be, I'm the pitch.

It's balls. Good luck. You had an easy opportunity to make a cool thing, you said that. Okay, it is now. Me, I should run ahead. It's Francis' turn. Okay, so Francis actually is not bad at brawling,

so he's gonna take the butt of the rifle and try to like cold cock his mom across the face with it. She is going to dodge back. I have a 65 Frighting Brawl, and I rolled an 82. She had a success. She has like a 50 dodge, and she rolled a 32. So yeah, you swing up at her, and she's able to swipe out of the way and keep her balance

as she's staring down Kelsey. It is Chastity's turn. She's got to be really sick and stuff, because she's got like 14 minutes of being sick, right? It's not going to matter much much because none of you see this Mm-hmm, but she is in the back of the kitchen having just wrenched open all the gas valves and she is sparking a lighter and humming the big Shane Silva theme the Bison theme song which sounds a lot like big Shane Silva really

I've got to take some time though, right? You can't just like turn on your oven and light a match and pull up your well you you guys don't know how long she's been Back here. Yeah, two turns two turns. I guess that's true. That's what six seconds. Yes, so 12 seconds I feel like no yeah, you could probably You never turn on your stove and that I'd be like oh shit. I like wrenching all the pipes She's like fuck this and hey Matt so why you want her to get there and Matt? Mm-hmm like Lavi got some big pipes. You know I'm saying okay. We're gonna give her a luck roll Okay, and if the luck roll succeeds the house is gonna blow up The house explodes. Oh, oh god. We're all out of it. Well some of you are at the door. Yeah, she okay

She's fucking done, dude. She's obliterated by this check that skeleton and Terminator Yeah, she gets the full dream sequence Linda Hamilton skeleton when she's obliterated by this. She's like that skeleton in Terminator. Yeah, she gets the full dream sequence Linda Hamilton skeleton when she does this. She's like the guy who tried to put the sticky bomb in, same thing about Ryan. Oh. So yes, from the kitchen, you hear this massive boom, and then a wall of flame bursts through the house. It's just gonna be Trudy the Children and Ross. The squishiest. So first things first, Trudy, you hear this wall of flame rumbling. I will give you a chance if you would like

to to shove everybody else out of the way. I will. You're just gonna knock into everybody and knock them out onto the grass in front of the house, but now you are staring face to face at this wall of flame coming towards you. At the last second, I'm going to press a mole next to my belly button. I just went back into my discord to be like, Oh God, I'd already heard. What did my mole do for her? It wouldn't help. I forgot what I wrote. It wouldn't help.

Mine would absolutely help. You can give me a dice roll on a mole if you want. I'm going to write down a number, 1 to 100. And if you hit my number, then it will do something very helpful. And if you hit one of everybody else's numbers, it'll do what they said their thing does. I hit mole 34.

Mole 30, like rule 34? So this is just sexy as mole. My number was a 17. The 34 mole, you sneeze. a 17 the 34 mole you sneeze Okay Beth rolled me to D 10 how much help do you have nine health first rolls of five? Second rolls of four Matt you see just as wall of flame belch out of the house and send her flying over you and Frances and Kimon Juan

and she just lands in the grass, unconscious. You can't tell if she's dead or not, but she just slams into the dirt. And then the house rumbles and buckles and just collapses on itself. How about the children? They all made it out because she shoved them out of the way at the last second. She took most of this blast and they were able to just dive into the grass in front of the house.

Trudy hits the ground. When you have zero hit points, you are unconscious and dying. So it is now Bibi's turn. Bibi is going to see this happen to you and she's going to get up and scramble over to you to do first aid. When do I go? Oh you were supposed to go before Chastity. Alright well we'll just have you go now. Okay I was holding my turn so I wanted to see what was happening to my friend Trudy. Go ahead what do you want? Okay so Kimona's just still standing there. Kimona's standing there you are holding the shotgun. I look at her like get out of here I'm gonna pull this trigger. She's just seething realizes

that she's surrounded and powerless. You either die without your kid or live without him. Well, I like that Where the fuck was that line? She looks down at Francis and she doesn't have anything to say you see just anger and disappointment and frustration But underneath it all you still see love in her eyes as she looks at you But realizes there's nothing she can do right now. And with another flash of her hands, she casts a spell called Mists of Ryleigh, and a mist erupts around her,

and it skewers her from view, and she takes off into the night. Now, does her, like, spell there obscure the view of big Shane Silver? Oh, fuck, I forgot Shane's still here, yeah. Oh, God. Yes, it does, because Shane's come running up from behind her. Yes. Do I of big Shane's still got Shane still here. Yeah. Oh god. Yes, it does cuz Shane's come running up from behind her Yes, I see big Shane running. He's coming towards you like the day. Yeah, so yes, you do see him I hold the gun up. I go big Shane get out of here. There's nothing for you here. I want the boy

No, he's staying with us. He shoots at you. It's my turn though, right? You're right. He can't shoot You're right. This is your point. I'm telling to go if he starts raising the gun. I'm gonna shoot Okay, he just keeps walking. I am an officer of the law. You're gonna shoot he can't shoot. You're right, because it's your turn. I'm pointing him down to go. If he starts raising the gun, I'm going to shoot him. Okay, he just keeps walking. He's like, I am an officer of the law. You're going to shoot a man in cold blood? I want the boy. He's hurt. He's injured. You know what he did, Kelsey. I want the boy. You can't kill him though. That's not okay to kill him. I have decided if I'm going to kill him yet, but I'm going to bring him in.

If you want to shoot me, shoot me. Shane, I don't want to, but you take one more step. I will shoot. He takes another step. I don't want to but you take one more step. I will shoot he takes another Dude is this how the legend of big Comes to Is a man the gun going towards down Kelsey Graham on the front lawn of give me a firearms roll 25 is my skill. Okay, so give me a roll 15 25 is my skill. Okay, so give me a roll 15

Hi Shane He took six damage last time. I didn't want to shoot him. That's what they all say How far away? Well, he's gotta be 10 yards. I mean like that's 46 dude. All right, give me the 46 roll them 14 You saw him in half with this thing. No! Shay might like it a lot better. A lot easier. Kelsey astonished, drops the gun, and just starts running towards Trudy.

Give me a sanity roll. She felt big Shane like a mighty oak. 45 and my sanity is 43. Kelsey! She's the new big Shane. I got a mighty oak. 45 and my sanity is 43. Kelsey, Ramone. She's the new big shame. Oh my god. I failed, I got my sanity is 43 and I got a 45.

Give me a 1d4 sanity roll. Okay. Actually, make it a 1d6. Odd DM is capricious. Five. Give me an intelligence roll. You want to fail, base. I got good intelligence, so I passed it.

You passed it? Yeah, super pass. I got 33, I have 70. As we've established, now that you've seen the multifaceted, many-form, multiversal vision of all that is and was Kelsey, when you lose your grip on this world, your consciousness switches places with a Kelsey in another world. As the gun erupts, you blink for a second at the muzzle flash and you open your eyes again and you see yourself in Peachyville. It's pitch dark outside, you're in the center

of town and you see a hole in the sky above you and you see horrible, indescribable things coming out of it. Massive writhing, tentacles is the wrong word for it because it seems both animal and something not animal, something beyond that, just this rain of chaos and horror dumping down from the sky, crashing into the earth. You see this corruption spreading all over town, consuming people and consuming buildings. It's almost like a black just foulness, like a sort of oozing pus that's also, you know, like spreading out like veins and just

bubbling and churning. Just coming down to this deluge from this hole in the sky, burrowing deeper and deeper into the earth, and you realize that this is the hour of the hole. This is what this whole town, what the Bisons, what Project Heartland have been living in terror of, this coming to pass, and you realize that this corruption is seeping into the earth and creating something deep within it. Something is being birthed in the center of the world, a new dark god that will consume the universe. And as the horror of that dawns on you and you see your friends and family surrounding

you going mad in orgiastic delight at what they're seeing as they can't even comprehend it and succumbing one by one to this corruption that's spreading across the world, you take it all in and you realize that that's what's in store for this world if you don't stop the powers that be. And while that is going on, the rest of you see something come over Kelsey. She blinks for a second and then she just locks eyes with all of you and she goes, no, please don't let me go back. Don't don't, this is gonna take me back. And then she snaps away and this happens right as you,

Kelsey, in her world, feel this corruption and this pus and this black ooze rise up your body and disintegrate. You cell by cell, consuming your energy, pulling you into the muck that's now turning the entire world into like a pulsating, alien, gigantic black egg. And as you are consumed by it you let out one final primal scream and then you find yourself

back in your body back in your peachyville oh my god what I look and I see Trudy still now you're standing over Trudy I pick her up and I start running to the car so yes everyone is now going towards the car and then Blake as you prepare to back out you see Amberster rounding the corner fucking dig on nine guys She's fucking with those single two guys fuck an amber stir don't take amber stir away from me You see amber stir around in the corner And he's got two smoking guns

And he's looking at the wreck of this house and he steps up towards you and he drops the guns on the ground Amber's do your guns! And he- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA and you realize that poor old Anbrister's heart, all of this gunkata, the thing he swore he would never do, it was too much for him. And as he watches the house burn, you see his hands trembling as he looks at you in the eyes, and he says, it's Pendenana, so I salute. I salute my boy. And then his heart gives out,

and he collapses in a heap on the ground. Well, he's dead. You're a bad guy. Just like Stonefox. You know what they say, if you see somebody with a heart attack, salute them. Stop. Stop.

This is what he would've. You have to act fast. The salute won't count unless you do it real quick. So with that, you guys are out of combat. However, Trudy is dying. Yep. And is gonna need to make some Constitution rolls very, very quickly.

We do like a makeshift ambulance, like I take all the stuff off the kitchen countertop in the back of the storm repeal we throw a tree on top of it just like Michael Bay's ambulance trying to fix her as we're driving off BB rushes up and pushes past everybody BB you can do this I just I screwed it up so much the last couple times I tried to do this, I'm sorry, I don't know if I can do it Kelsey. You've learned. What do you say? Something once. You absorb that thing though. And you get better at it.

You can do medicine kata. She's going to try a first aid roll. To stabilize. Is there like inspiration or anything in this? Can I give her like, you know, calming though? She has a 75 in first aid. Okay, she got a 17. Finally. Great, baby.

So she recognizes that Trudy is going into shock. She props her head up. She manages to put her in the right position to keep her OK just for the moment. Trudy, you regain one hit point. OK. And you are now stabilized. You guys load her up. You saved the kids. But I gave Francis the key.

You were just doing what you thought was best for him. So Francis turns and sees Trudy even more fucked up than him. Basically on death's door for the first time. Is the first time second time for the second time and realizes that this is his fault. Tears begin to start streaming down his face. Eddie tries to reach out to touch Trudy, but she's too far away and he can't move because he's only got the one leg. And he just keeps saying I'm sorry. He's, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Trudy. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. For what?

This is my fault. I tried to go out there and stop it and stop myself and it didn't work. I'm sorry. I'm the reason you almost died. Why did you think you could fight them all by yourself? We're here. Blake's got a whole army. I had something else play, but it's it's fine. That's not gonna work anymore. I'm just glad we're okay. Trudy, give me a psychology roll. I've got a 42 in psychology. Fuck, I failed. Do you want to push your roll?

I would like to push my roll. Okay, I'm trying to think of what happens if you fail and push psychology. You won't have to worry because she's gonna hit it. Go! Six. Yeah, dog! All right, with a six, you read on Francis's face that he is definitely lying. Having seen a similar face on your son before, given the quiver in his voice, I think

you're able to get a broad picture of what he was probably actually doing when he went out there. Oh. Oh, Francis. Francis cries even harder. Full sobs now. Lip quivering. He just keeps saying, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say. You don't mean either, I guess. I'm just I'm just sorry. I won't do it again. I'm sorry that I gave you the key. I didn't I didn't know that. No, no, you were just trying to help. You were trying to help.

And I'm sorry. I took it from you. And it's none of this is your fault. None of this is your fault. This is my fault. This is all this is all this is on me. I'm so sorry. Francis, why would you? I thought it would I thought it would make things better for for you guys. And I thought it would end, you know, all the stuff I've been feeling and yeah, I don't know. I guess I thought it would help. I don't know. It doesn't make any sense. I'm really embarrassed that you know that you figured it out. Honestly, that's the...

What happened? Francis? Trudy? Francis looks away from Kelsey because he's so deeply ashamed of what he's done. Kelsey, I think that Francis tried to kill himself with the gun and I gave him the key and I gave him the key and I didn't see it coming and now I'm making it all about me and I just, I'm sorry. I didn't know that that's what was going to happen. Couldn't know what was going to happen, Trudy. Francis, Francis Francis look at me

You don't do that Okay No, no you you're part of us here and it's not your fault. There's so much that's going on right now and that You're part of this team Okay, you didn't come to us you can tell us anything and we might not the answers, you know, we might not know what the right thing to say is. I wish I knew what the right thing to say was. But the second I couldn't see you and thought that you weren't here anymore, that didn't make anything better. Francis, he rolls over because he was looking away from the group and now he rolls back and he says

I'm really scared I'm scared, but not of Suzelle and all that stuff. I mean all of that stuff. I'm just scared of Me and I'm scared that I might hurt you You guys and I'm- Hey, the only way you could hurt us is if we lose you Okay, because you're part of our family in our bowling team when I think about not having my team the people that are around me, that's when I get scared and

That's when I think about Losing people I get scared and I don't want, I don't want that to happen. Please stay with us. Okay, if it would make you sad for me to go, then I won't go. Frances, I've never been so scared. I just, I don't know what's going to happen next.

But I know that Kelsey and Blake and me and Bibi and Milton, I guess, are working together and I don't know if it gets easier. And I don't know if it gets better. But I know that to stop trying is well, that's the ultimate gutter ball, isn't it? Is to stop trying. Yeah. Francis kind of stares in the middle distance realizing that this is now the only family he has. And he just looks back at Trudy and at Kelsey and gives a glance to Blake who's driving presumably and ignores the kids because who cares. He just says uh I'm sorry and I want to finish this with all of us I want us to finish this together.

Kelsey just sits next to Francis and just kind of opens up her arm and just offers a hug. Yeah he goes in for sure Okay, and I just like I'm tight soaks her blouse with his tears big heaving horrible sobs into the shoulder While that's happening Blake you're behind the wheel of this Big feels mobile you have one kid who's losing a lot of blood out of his leg right now And I think we need to pay another visit to Dr. Dog. And with that, the Dormobile heads off into the Inky Night, back once more to the healing arms of Dr. Sally Dog. I am the broken sky

All I ever wanted was to feel So ordinary I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies twisted in my mind and now all gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Thank you for listening. You can support the show directly and get boatloads of additional stuff to listen to and watch by joining our Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeons and the dads.

Even the lowest tier five bucks a month, you get access to a bunch of stuff. Most recently, we upload part one of our EU tour documentary covering our time in Dublin last year for the areas tour. And in this doc we discover finally Anthony's total time spent playing video games on Steam. I don't think you'll be able to guess the number of hours it will astound you. You also get ad free episodes, an extra after show for the in-between weeks as well as immediate access to all of our digital download bonus campaigns and like a lot more. In fact, if you're on the Patreon, you also get that stuff first. Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Support the show directly.

Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth, Will Campos as our DM, Beth May as Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Brian Fernandez as our content producer, Ashley Nicola as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our Merchandise Manager, Esther Ellis as our Lead Editor, Travis Reeves and Omar Romolino provide additional editing. This week's lineup of Patreon All-Stars includes folks like Gloom Man, Grace Conaton, Laura Turcotte, Toby North, Brian Hale, Sebastian Lamu, Fearon, Taylor Landry, David Levkovitz, Ella, Andrew Hull, Megan Adachi, R.Meow, Adam Vitez, Jame Tucci, Sexy Squidward, Senza

Mojica, Sadie Joiner, Marcel Sabo, and Chad Murray. All that I can see is a hole in the star Our next episode, May 6th. We will see you then. Today All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars How was it, Dungeons & Dragons Season 3? It was really suspenseful until we found out about the gun-cada.