Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 24 - Nag the Dog

Episode Date: May 6, 2025

People are patched up and a plan is patched together.This episode contains Violence, Gore, Profanity, Sexual Content, Suicide.Info and tickets for Beth's solo show "Beth Wants the D":Edinburgh Fringe: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/beth-wants-dHollywood Fringe: www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/11775?tab=ticketsSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is “A Hole in the Stars” by Maxton Waller"Big Shane Silva" by Maxton WallerBrian Fernandes is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves provides Additional EditingOmar Romolino provides Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.If you are struggling or need extra support, please see the resources below:• A warmline is a phone number you call to have a conversation with someone who can provide support during hard times. Find a warmline at WARMLINE.ORG• If you are in crisis and a warmline can’t provide the level of support you need, you can reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988 or using the chat box at 988lifeline.org• Here is a link to international crisis lines Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hey everyone, Beth here. I'll let you get to your regularly scheduled peachy content in just a sec, but I wanted to let you know that tickets for my solo show, Beth Wants the D, are now available for both Hollywood Fringe in June and Edinburgh Fringe in August. So if either of those festivals is in your neck of the woods, please come out and see a show that has it all. There's excitement, danger, brain shocking, and CIA espionage. Sort of. Well, you'll see. I'll put the links in the show notes so you can learn more and check it out. Thanks. And now back to your favorite bowling team. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups.

Content warnings can be found in the description. and late did Big Shane toil to learn who did the act. Each night he burned the midnight oil searching through the facts. And in a dream the answer came the vision clear as day. He saw the soda jerk take aim. Big Shane would make him pay. Big Shane Silver stalking in the night. Big Shane Silver had to set things right. Big Shane lay in wait with vengeance on his mind. He saw his quarry beyond the gate and he knew that it was time. Big Shane, Big Shane's bullet blues light cleaned off and the boy fell screaming in pain, and from that single well-placed shot he'd never walk again. Big Shane knew he wasn't done, his conscience could not rest, until the boy who maimed his son breathed his final breath. Big Shane Silver hiding in the trees.

Big Shane Silver avenging his son's knees. And as Big Shane approached his prey ready to complete his task, the school marm stood right in his way and would not let him pass. Big Shane. She said, Well take another step I swear and I'll put you in the dirt. This boy behind me is in my care and I will not see him hurt. Big Shane.

Big Shane smiled because he knew she didn't have a nerve. That boy's debts were overdue and justice would be served. Shane didn't have much he was afraid of so he wasn't about to stop. He was bearing on down like a big tornado when the school teacher raised her gun and Big Shane Silver, the man of the land. Big Shane Silver, come down where he stands. Big Shane drew his final breath as the world went up in flames. And though he met an untimely death, we still remember the lawman's name. Big Chain Big change Welcome to Dungeons and Daddy's, not a BDSM podcast.

Okay, what is it? Why would you think that, you fucking idiot? You shouldn't. It's not D&D podcast either. This season, the Peachyville Horror, a call of Cthulhu, actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America This episode Freddy Cthulhu is finally gonna call Wow!

Ring ring hang! Hello! A gentleman caller! That's not what Cthulhu sounds like. Somebody's coming on the other end of his phone. Did you know most people of Cthulhu called now? They'd be like I don't recognize that number. I wouldn't even answer!

Imagine the dark twist dark to a call now Imagine some crazy number you've never seen imagine the dark twisted universe where instead of scam likely it says Cthulhu likely Better look out ends in Zalgo text. I throw that phone right away. I'd switch to Android. My name is Freddie Wong I play Blake livelyively, slow talking, deep thinking, toilet-loving plumber. I have to be honest. I have to be honest. I can only play Blake to the best of my ability.

And the truth of the character is, is as he was driving away, he was not concerned with the house blowing up, his mansion blowing up. He can always build in our mansion. He was more concerned with potential damage to the underlying pipe infrastructure Because so many pipes got like laid into this property and it could really mess up the city's plumbing if his plumbing it gets all Do you think like there's so many toilets in there that like the town water pressure is dropped dramatically?

Isers will make a note as a DM that the water pressure is half Into my prep. No man should have all that power. Hahahaha! That's what they argue at the town council meeting when he presented the plans. He's sort of a 20th century shitsoid man, if you will. Hahahaha! Holy shit.

Hey everybody, my name is Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachyville's happiest and happiest school mom You know what she always says. What does she always say Matt? You can't spell learning without earning So if you want to make a living, learn. Wow. Okay. She's like on that hustle grind set Yeah She'd get up at 430 in the morning and put Saratoga Springs on her face No, she's got two jobs fighter and teacher. Yeah that relates to my fact, which is Kelsey Grammer goes to bed every night Yeah, exactly at midnight

That way she's gone the most out of the day that she can get like she hits to the end of the day like BAM I've maximized the day. She's been mad to go to bed. What time she get up? You know they doesn't start till you wake up Yeah, but she get up in the morning. You know they doesn't start till you wake up That's a good maximizing your day. That's a good boy Matt never thought of that. Yeah I usually obviously she has to be there for school Did she have those days where she rolls in like Cameron Diaz and bad teacher? Oh, I like her shades on and she's like funny enough. That's her favorite movie the original one with With Grace Kelly. That would be such a fun Grace Kelly role.

Grace Kelly is back teacher. That's the original one, they remade it. Still with her transatlantic accent. Oh, that would be so fun. My name is Anthony Burch and I play Francis Farnsworth. I mean, I guess he's still a kid and he still has a gun, so I can go with that. Francis' peachy fact is that he is actually allergic to peaches. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. They screened for that at Peachyville.

Where? What happens if you're allergic? Right out of town. They put you on a railroad rail. They put you on a railroad tie and throw you out No, it was just like in Gattaca duty yet to use someone else's pee for their... Yeah He's allergic to peaches and now probably allergic to Peachyville Which made him think that as a kid he probably was destined to leave and find a great destiny for himself But now that he realizes that his destiny is to basically stay in peachyville and like birth of God and die He's rethinking his five-year plan. Does peachyville have peaches? That's a good question. Or is it like, you know, it's sort of

It's a peachy place to live. Okay. I'm sure there are peaches. Okay. I was just wondering Yeah, sometimes towns are named things that they don't like but they're not like yeah like Florida, Missouri or whatever. Sorry what? It's not Florida. Oh, there's a Florida in Missouri. Yes. There's a Florida, Missouri Mark Twain would come from a funny sounding place like Florida, Missouri. Yes. My name is Beth May and I actually was born in Florida. Were you? I explained so much. Unfortunately, it was the state not the city. Yeah, I played Trudy Trout a Homemaker mother of one beautiful child and a robot It's the state, not the city. Yeah, I played Trudy Trout, a homemaker, mother of one beautiful child, and a robot.

Fun fact about Trudy, Trudy can play the piano. She even writes songs. You could say that she has great chord management. Oh my god! That's a good one. Wow. I was running the angles on that one. Shit.

Hi everyone, I'm Will. Hello. Hey Will. Hi Daddy. I'm fighting a cold. I'm tired. My spooky fact today is I'm going nude. I'm going commando. Whoa! Will just threw his laptop on the ground.

I threw my laptop on the ground. I threw my laptop on the ground, I was like, fuck, we're freestyle. I'm going Anthony season fucking one style free jazz. Fuck it, I'm going to the drip. And he's nude. And I'm naked. He's completely nude. Anthony, what?

He's beginning to breathe. He's beginning to breathe. Dude, well, I worked with you so long, but I never knew what you were working with. Just for the record, I'm not naked, but I do not have my laptop. I'm just gonna gonna try to freestyle it my prep did not go great for this I'm gonna put that out there. So we're just winging it. We're gonna wing it and here we go team Let's make him regret this decision

You want the wing it will wing it Oh, he's picking up Did write up those recaps for you guys Oh He's picking Did write up those recaps for you But that's for you. That's not for me. Okay, previously on Dungeons and Deadies Kelsey yes a dark power blossoms in your soul nice power menopause of the rack witch You have cast your first spell felled your first victim Dueled a fellow witch also you you strayed a blasted Shane Senior

in half with a shotgun. Yeah. That's a ventful day for anybody. That's what happened. But tread lightly, rack witch, for the ability to rack a witch is insignificant next to the power of the powers that be, as you well know. For in your blood, Frenzy, you beheld a vision

of the grim annihilation that awaits the world, nay, the universe, should you fail to summon Zuzelle to defeat the powers that be. Trudy! Francis nearly died, Blake's house blew up in your face, Kelsey's having a whole Dark Willow moment, the cat still hates you, that's what got her, but you can't let any of that distract you, not while the dollmaker is still out there, so focus up! Study the clues, track the trail, trail slay the beast and save your son

But you might want to heal up first you got like one HP Yeah Francis at the end of a long harrowing night you find yourself down two parents missing one leg and more ready than ever to finish This fight alongside your new found down to parents they die you sort of said they were like not your family. Okay? Yeah I thought really I missed something No, I was saying that the down to parent is the 1950s version of down to fuck so that yeah More ready than ever to finish this fight alongside your newfound plumber robot rack which family But you still carry the scars of the past most importantly the big magic scar on your arm that lets your parents track where you

Are plus you've still got that haunted Nazi rifle to deal with so good luck with all that Blake yes your mansion burns in the night. Oh wow. Your butler lies dead on the lawn. Damn. But in the words of Paul Valeray, Ambruster's favorite poet, the wind is rising.

We must try to live. So live Blake Lively, grab the monkey wrench of destiny, snake the drainpipe of fortune, and make your fate your own! Okay. Matt, you're raising your hand still. You can call me, you're not the teacher.

Oh. Yes. Did you level up? Yes, you did You guys can level up. Did we level up? Oh, I wasn't even asking about that. Holy shit. I used so many I used so many skills. Now. I was asking I a question because those were very great. Thank you for the recaps That was really helpful. Yeah, I needed some more though because I forgot things. How many keys do we have? You have two of three keys What you know is that the site director of every part of has a key and the containment Director who is unknown to you is the third one to have it. Okay We don't have any clues about where the containment director is yet or anything

You know that the containment facility when you looked at the map back at Arlo's was underneath the Peachyville Zoo. Right and with that Laptop is closed and on the floor. Last we left you all you and we're driving the Bedford dormobile into the night. You have two severely wounded party members. Where's everyone's HP at? HP report. I'm at five. I'm at four.

Five, four. Best at one. One. What does Francis have? That can't be right. Seven? You had seven, then you lost four when you got shot. I think that was the only one, so you have three. Bro, we are hurting right now, dude This is not good. I think Trudy's like in the back of this Gourmobile like completely malfunctioning like I'm just so happy to be here

Oh god, Trudy should we call moth moth moth man. Yeah moth Jesus Moth moth man No, I'm gonna roll down the window and scream, Moth Jesus! Give me a no roll? Because the answer is no. The answer is no, nothing happened. I got 17 out of... Okay, so the last you remember when you were leaving the library,

you got a telegram from a young lad with a message from Moth Jesus saying he had urgent business in Percy Kovograd and would be back as soon as he could, but he is not available soon as he could not now okay well that's good to know Blake where should we take we need to help Trudy you're looking pretty hurt I'm pretty hurt Francis is really Francis also my arm yeah we might have to get rid of my arm is your arm get rid of your arm let's have a professional look at it before you make any rash decisions no no no no they can track us using the sigil on my arm. Look. And Francis shows you the burn. Yes. Francis has a cool circular burn scar on his arm. Question, Francis.

Hold it up so I can see in the rear view mirror. Yeah. Ah, do you need to lose... This is good scene work, Freddy. I like that. Do you need to lose the whole arm or maybe you could maybe cheese grip just the top part of it? No, I hear you. That sounds great. No, that's not it's not great Francis that is preferable

Is there something in your arm like a little tracker in it or is it the sign itself? I don't know. I guess we could find out by like cutting off the top We could cover it on your arm we could cover it we could cover it with a or or or or If there's a tattoo that you don't like Sometimes you can just add to it Or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or, or for sure if it works or not is if we get ambushed and somebody dies. Oh boy You're right. This is a tough one. My uncle always had a saying no half measures So I think we maybe just cut into my arm and see if we could dig out like a wart Like you could dig out the wart and I know like a shark bite. That seems so Like a big old chunk you're talking about like a big chunk of your skin. Yeah, turn off

Yeah, I'm already in pretty extraordinary pain cuz my foot dr. Dog can do this right? Dr. Dog can help us. Dr. Dog dog can help your dog Trudy what's wrong with mr. Something happened. She looks very very hurt Trudy. Yes, Kelsey hang in there Okay, we're gonna hang in there champ. It's not the end of the game yet. Hold your head up high We're gonna hang in there champ. It's not the end of the game yet. Hold your head up high hold your head up high I'm so proud of you. If she's gonna keep doing this I am gonna crash his car Drop me off at the block away from dr. Dogs. No you require No, no, no, but you're all gonna be like totally defenseless while dr. Dogs operating on Francis Francis hold your leg up to the mirror so I can see ah Be defenseless while Dr. Dog's operating on you. And if he finds us then you'll die. No, you be defenseless, Francis.

Hold your leg up to the mirror so I can see. Ah. And hold your head up high. It's not over yet. One of those legs is not there. Yeah, I mean, I'm not saying I'd go anywhere. I'm just saying you need medical attention immediately. We'll bring you to Dr. Dog.

One of us can stay inside with you, maybe Blake. And then we'll stay in the car and be on the lookout with the car running, okay? That'll be the safest for everybody. Okay. Okay. And then we will round Robin treatment. Yes. Yes. That sounds good. And we know Dr. Dog, this isn't the first time

she's dealt with something like this. So she'll do this. Francis looks down at his stump and at the malfunctioning robot next to him and goes, are you sure? Let's go to Dr. Dog's. Okay, so we'll say say because you slept at Blake's Dr.. Dogs and the scene there in and whatever else we decide will be your morning action on the next day

I find in this game. That's always best to use your morning action at Dr.. Dogs Dr.. Dog gives you plus two movement later, which then just gives you more econ to be able to Okay, so you you drive the Bedford Dormobile Do you see the dawn rising as you make your way back to the old the dawn over there has Waking up his department museum. I suggest that Blake should carry Francis to dr. Dog's yes Kelsey is going to park the Dormobile and then like close all the blinds and she's going to have the shotgun like pointing out of one of the blinds and then like Bibi and Milton,

essentially the four of us. Form a perimeter. If you're down for this, Trudy, is each of us can look out of one side of the van. Okay. And we can see all directions and call out if you see anybody coming. Okay. Okay. You can count on me, Kelsey.

All right. Remember Milton does not have eyes. Okay. Okay. You can count on me, Kelsey. All right. Remember, Milton does not have eyes. Oh. Milton, why do you say anything? Milton's got his ear pressed up to the windows. Don't worry, Kelsey. I mean, Miss Grammer, I mean, Miss Kelsey, I can listen real good and I'll hear something

if it's coming. You're gonna do great, you're gonna do great. We're gonna be fine. Frances, the moment your sigil's gone, we'll be able to do what we need to do, okay? And they won't find you. Okay. You knock on the door?

I knock politely because there's a sign that says closed so you hear footsteps And then dr. Dog cracks the door open hello. We are back. I see that we require assistance. I'm busy right now I'm sorry. I can't the office is full She goes to close the door Francis points. It is dumb I understand that but I have patience right now you will wait for us then then. Francis again taps Blake on the shoulder and leans over and says, Something's weird with her. We should go. Okay, Dr. Dog, we will come- Who is it? You hear from inside.

It's nobody! You hear a voice inside say, Is that Blake Lively out there? John Wayne? John Wayne? Is that Blake Lively? That was kind of John Wayne. It was John Wayne. You hear shuffling around and sort of a commotion inside. You see someone peeking out the door behind Dr. Dog

and it is Sven Andersen. Oh. Is that the one I scoop the eyes out of? The one you blinded. Yeah. And I recognize that voice anywhere. And who's that whispering next to him? Dr. Dog's getting a little nervous.

He goes, we all should talk. Come on in, boys. Oh, I forgot to mention, I'm using Brune Hilda as a cane. Oh, okay. That's fine. That's cool. I like that. Does Kelsey see this? Sven's the one part of the gang right? Sven's in the gang which then took Milton's eyes, right? Yes, okay. A lot of eye violence this season. Yeah and leg violence. And leg violence. Does Kelsey see who it was? He said he was like further into the room, so I don't think he would. Okay. Give me a listen roll Matt Oh, yeah, maybe Milton could relay it. Oh, yeah, I Failed my listen roll. I got 50

Milton got a 16. Oh, so you hear moan go. Oh, no, it's them. They're in there miss Kramer. They're in there Oh Interests the ones who ripped out my eyes took your eyes up boys eyes Kelsey's clenching the shotgun. Ah the shotgun. Yeah Once you ripped out my eyes took your eyes up boys eyes Kelsey's clenching the shotgun ah the shotgun yeah, yeah Like when she your butt cheeks no no she's not nervous Kill, but she's not gonna drop her post. She's not gonna drop her pose okay Yeah, why is everything okay over there Blake turns around and gives a ooh shrug is that Kelsey grammar out there? No, is that Trudy trout out there? Yeah

Be be say no then oh ask again That Trudy out there All right, I come out holding the shotgun you monster. You took this kid's eyes Well, look who's talking. Yeah, you're a grown man. Well, do I have eyes? No your life choices led you to that listen And your life choices led to that Kelsey what No, that's you box. I know what don't believe What? His eyes. No, that's not-

You! I box- You know what? Don't blame- What'd you just- I was in a normal boxing league, and then you took the kid's eyes. Wait, and at what point- I was gambling.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. That's right, Kelsey. But I don't feel like that was Milton's fault. And did you know we were mobsters when you started gambling with us? I mean- That's right, you did. I-

So I think you're partially to blame here. You're fine. Would you bozos get in here already? Alright, are we getting- Mmm. I look over outside that kind of motion everyone in oh, we're going in I think we should just go in BB Continue to keep watch very well cuz you guys want me to drive the bed for dormobile around I could drive it in like A loop around I'm just saying I'm gonna drive too much attention to itself What if I drive it real slow BB BB BB back upebe, Phoebe. Back up the door mobile. Yes. Open up the back door.

Yes. And back it right up to the door. So one, nobody can get into the house through the front door. And when we leave the front door, we go straight into the van. You've got it, Miss Grammer. Hell yeah, like a loading dock now. She's gonna roll.

Oh no. Let's see, either a 78 or an 87. Either way, she does what you said and very violently backs the van into the door. And we'll roll a little damage for the car man and the frame of the house too I mean come on the bed for door mobile takes three damage to go to the mechanic after this sorry sorry again I'm 12 I don't know why you guys like keep letting me do this oh blaming us now the door mobile already had a did it had health problems before yeah half health so much health a standard car might have a build of three and then each time a car takes ten points

Of damage it loses one bill Yes, and I'm in close all right I think we were comparing this to a pickup truck or something like that so that's six six build points six build points So it has three build points and now just three build points left because you smash it up real bad lifetime Yes, so yes, you're on your way to two build points. The maintenance light is for sure. Okay. Okay, that's fine We're not yeah, we got like 20 Bang-bang boom you've rammed this thing into the back. Okay, I assume you guys rushed into avoid being run over. Correct. Yes I'm doing my damn fine as much as I'm capable of doing so Trudy definitely needs some help in or else

She'd just run in a circle or whatever. I'm just kind of Dr.. Well first, Dr. Dogg's like, well what are you doing? What is this? What's going on? Hey! What do you mean? This is my business. Yeah, your business is to fix people. Well, and my business requires a building

that's structurally sound with which to do that, Ms. Grammer. If we don't do what we're gonna do, you're not gonna have a building. You're not gonna have a town. Francis looks at Dr. Dogg and tries to mouth, are you in trouble? She looks at you and she's like, no, you're in trouble

because you broke my building. Oh, well, whatever then. Why is Sven here though? Sven, I'm a doctor. Yeah. A veterinarian. Okay. I also do, as you well know, some business on the side.

Okay. Sven and his brother, Tor, who's right over here, and you see sort of lying down on the operation table. His brother- Browsing through a highlights for children. He's got that little, you know that one where you slide the little thing around the chest? Tor is very, very, very badly fucked up.

He's got cuts and scrapes and bruises and he's all banged up and he's on our operating table. As you can see, I have clients right now. That's what I was saying. I do a lot of business with the Andersons. Do they get hurt all the time? They do, they get hurt quite a bit. They're in a rough line of business. Yeah, they're bad people. They took his eyes. Do I hear a judgment in business with the Andersons. Do they get hurt all the time? They do, they get hurt quite a bit. They're in a rough line of business.

Yeah, they're bad people. They took his eyes. Do I hear a judgment in that, Miss Graham? Yeah, I mean, I think that's a pretty fair judgment. I'm sorry, is it weird to judge? I'm sorry, did you need my help? Yeah, I got a gun now and that lets me get people to do things for me, I've learned.

Oh no. Sounds like you're a bad person. Oh no, right now I'm- Francis is a bad influence on Kelsey. Then you've come to the right place because I heal bad people for money. Okay fine, that's fine. And I charge bad people for breaking the front door of my veterinarian's office.

Put it on the tab. That's fine. Let's do this. She's making a note of it. Okay. So you guys shuffle Francis and Trudy into the- Almost. We need his leg stabilized and that weird sign on his arm

We need to remove it like a lot of it all of it. It can't be there anymore She takes an elegant drag off of her cigarette as she looks at this weird symbol on your hand Francis Gregor and This big hulking dude Gregor her assistant comes in from the back What the fuck was he last time? He was here last time. I was here last time. I was just to be smitten by dr. Dog. Sorry well I'm Greg or and my eyes are up here Very tall what is it and she like points to the thing on your arm, and he sort of stares at it for a second He says oh, yeah, that's a oh no. I got it written down. What did I call it?

You can walk no no no it is whatever I call it? You're gonna luck. No no no it is whatever I call it now Yeah, that's a sigil okay, yeah, so how'd you get it? I got it in the actual plane oh So it's an astral sigil okay? Well I see you're being tracked by this is that what I'm getting from this correct all right kid I can help you fix this, but it's gonna cost extra Okay, okay. Yeah, I can't really give you an arm and a leg ha ha. That's pretty good I'll knock a couple bucks off for that joke nice. I like jokes Greg or Came up with a joke like seven minutes ago

I don't think I can because it's not good and I don't want to do that to Trudy. Okay. Okay, I'll try to do it in Trudy's voice. Okay, okay. I'm so excited. Oh boy, here we go. All right, it's, you made a comment about

how this, the building wasn't structurally sound anymore. What, did you build it out of rock and roll? Building wasn't structurally sound anymore? Mm-hmm. What, did you build it out of rock and roll? Bound. All right. For your two stupid jokes, you will have advantage on your credit rating roll that one of you can take to see if you have enough money

to pay these guys. Yay. Who's got the best credit rating again? I have 20. I have 8. I have 0. I have 9. Okay, so I have 9?

You have 9? Well, this was before you were a billionaire. This was before I was a billionaire. So all your money's in the market. Yeah, all my money's in the market. Alright, the way the advantage works is you roll a second. Two and then take the lower. 11.

Oh! 11 and a 1, yep. Alright, so I feel like you do that thing where like you flash a hundred and it looks like a wad of hundreds, but like there's a bunch of not hundreds underneath it. It's also clearly the money I owe spending them anyways. All right. Dr. Dog and Gregor are moved by your flash of cash. All right. Where do we want to start? Who's doing what? Yeah. Who's doing what? Her first. Francis says pointing at Trudy.

That's really nice to be Francis I think we should get rid of the situal first since they are tracking us right yeah Can we do that well there's two ways to go about this okay? There's the pain There's the painful way okay, and there's the long way oh Do you want to know the long way no how long yes? Here the long way you how long yes how long I want to hear though. I want to hear the long way Okay, you guys ever watch dragnet When they're trying to trace somebody they do something called triangulation

Okay, where they have three like antennas or whatever and then something gives off a signal and they trace its location between the three antennas Right. So the way these sigils work whoever created the sigil has created three resonance nodes Okay, and they're gonna be somewhere and they track your location between the three notes now in order for the nodes To resonate with the person that they're supposed to resonate with, they have to have great psychological significance with the person. So that's the hard way. You find the nodes, you take them out, they lose the trace.

Well, we could actually take out only one node to make it 50-50, and two nodes to make it very more difficult. The painful way is with this, and he holds up a cheese grater. Oh, that's what we thought. Yeah, I was sort of emotionally prepared for that one. We thought that was the only way really. But what do you guys want to do? Quick way. Okay yeah it's up to Francis but I would suggest. Alright. Wait Dr. Dog do you have a local anesthetic? They're for cats. I'm gonna

have to do some you know. Basically same thing. This is still gonna hurt once the anesthet- Where's Marbles? Did he survive the explosion? Oh god! Oh no! I was too busy saving those children I didn't think about- I didn't think about saving Marbles! Blake, you feel Marbles purring Curled up in your jacket or something, you are aware that Marbles is still alive But you also get the impression that Marbles doesn't really want to talk to Trudy

Trudy, you must come to terms Marbles is dead I don't think want to talk to Trudy. Trudy, you must come to terms. Marbles is dead. I don't think that's what happened! Trudy, look at me in the eyes. We lose the ones who hate us and love us all the time. Oh god! You must- I have to move on. I have to- I have a family to take care of. You do. I have a family to take care of. I can't worry about a silly, fuzzy, cuddly, purry.

Trudy, Trudy, focus. Okay, I must focus on my family. Which doesn't include Marble. Marbles is not and now will never be part of your family. She still needs the will to live to get through this. I don't know if we need to go so hard on her. Trudy, think of your family. She still needs the will to live to get through this I don't know if we need to go so hard. I truly think of your family. Yes Timmy and your spaceman Moth Jesus yes, and your friends and your friends my friends And whatever you do don't think about the cat Gregor goes to the back to get the skin remover and

Taking with you all right kid. Come on back probably faster You just bring him to it. Yeah, dr. Dog is gonna do a medicine roll cool for his leg. Oh, sir Yeah, give us a Gregor. We would like the skin flap. I'm sorry. What when you're done with it. Do you want the flap? He has his cheese grater. It's not gonna be in a position where you could like Oh, yes, you have a cheese grater. Can you like use a a position where you could like oh yeah she's great can you like use a knife I mean do I say when Cuz you give me right like this seems like we could then throw the oh Yeah, you're saying we could cut it off and then but we could use it like we could fold it into a little paper Airplane or something like that marbles eat it and then set her loose

Yeah, yeah, or we put on like a little like boat or something like a little like floaty and like just let it drift down the river They're like whoa yeah, but you go right near the river. Yeah, and they'll friend. They'll think friends. I think this is a good idea It'd be a lot easier if you just let me cheese grate it yeah, but we need it It also hurt me a lot less it feels weird that you went there first knowing that knife was an option Yeah, do you use this on animals? Do you use it on cheese? Do I use what on cheese? The cheese grater? Of course I do. I don't think they want to know the answer to that question. Get back here! Alright, he's gonna cut it off, that's fine. Well actually no, he's the sous chef. He's the assistant. Dr. Dog is gonna make the medicine roll.

We should have like, his skin is like transplanted with the cat's like, where is it? That's why I fur just on my head. Yeah, cause we're gonna need to patch it up with him. I mean, I guess it would heal. I guess we're not. Who do you think gave you the butt? Just... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha First that makes sense the legs the open wound 24 was the medicine roll to patch up your leg. Let's roll a 1d3 2 ok great So the middle option I should have done a first aid roll as well

She got a 56 so we're gonna call that plus one as well. You are going to recover three hit points great Ok, I'm up to six. What's happening guy roll a spot hidden. Yes roll spot hidden Is that for like if I want to look for something? Yeah, sure. Oh, she got a 47. So yes, the operation to excise this scar from your arm goes off without a hitch. Here's what we'll say, no HP damage, but yes, they used an intense amount of anesthetic

on your arm, and your arm is basically numb and- A nerve block. Oh, Francis. It can even be in a sling, so like, cuz it's so numb that you can't really use it Yes, your arm is in a sling for the next It's like someone else's arm if you know what I mean Yeah Freddia

Your arm is numb I'm gonna roll Oh, it's like somebody else is in a sling Someone else is jolting it I wish you had kept being like what does that mean? And Freddie was like well so Well, I mean, I assume that. I mean, you know.

I've been told. I've been told. Francis, roll me a 1D6. 2. All right, for the next two days, your arm is in a sling and you cannot use it. OK. While she is working on Francis, the Anderson brothers

would like to have a word with the rest of you. Do we resolve that first or am I spot hidden first? Oh, yeah, what's the spot hidden? I'm looking at your map. What are you trying to spot? What are you doing? There's no, I'm going to ask a question, because I went back. He we resolve that first or am I spot hidden first? Oh yeah, what's the spot hidden? I'm looking at your map. What are you trying to spot? What are you doing? There's no, I'm gonna ask a question

because I went back. He's got that smile in his voice. He's got that dog in him, dude. I'm just trying to win us the game. No, I love it. It's a game. I like it when you get into scamp mode. I wanna win.

Cheeky scamp. And I was looking at your map. Yeah. I saw no river. So I'm assuming there's no river in Peachyville? No, there's no river. No river, okay. So since, so yeah, we can't float.

Oh, you're trying to figure out what to float the. Yeah, we can't float his flap of skin anywhere. So then I was thinking, and maybe this is messed up, so I'm looking to about to say it's okay. Which is, I was gonna see what animal is best. Like, I was gonna spy, like, is she working on any birds? Like a squirrel. Like any birds?

Oh yeah, yeah, she's gonna be birds. Like, and the bird can fly, you know, let a bird out. No, we just flush it. Oh, they don yeah The Birken fly you know let a bird out no we just flush it Spot hidden I'm looking for a toilet Find a toy doctor. Don't hide your toilet down the toilet Judy. I found a toilet. Oh wow Kelsey is canonically a man now Most man talking to a woman looking for validation conversation I'm thinking we put his skin down the drain. It'll send them in the wrong direction. I'll just keep going. Yes We all float down here Okay, Sven, how's your toilets? They're doing alright since you fixed them up for me. Ah, very good

That's right. Your friend Blake also works for mobsters. Does that make him a bad person? I mean, no No, he's a good person. He's a good person. He's a good person. He's a good person. He's a good person He's a good person. He's a good person. He's a good person you fixed them up for me. Ah, very good. That's right. Your friend Blake also works for mobsters. Does that make him a bad person? I mean, no. He's a bad person because the warden... I'm not there.

I'm not there. Never mind. I mean, no. He's just providing a service. Did you know there were mobsters when you were doing it? No, I just... I just look at the quality of the toilet and I will say the bathrooms had the very distinct mobstery vibe. We pride a very distinct mobstery vibe.

We pride ourselves in the mobstery vibe of our bathrooms. Well look, you're right, there's no reason to argue about who's good or who's bad, just what is it that you want? You could've wanted something. It seems like yous guys and us guys, we got the same problem. Okay, which is? This town is going to hell in an H-basket. Yeah, but why do you say you said H-basket? This town is going to hell in a hit in an H basket. Yeah It's going to hell in an H basket, okay But why do you think is going to hell in an H?

We got these guys and the cloaks with the hoods and the horns. First they blow up our boxing match. You were there. We lost a lot of good guys at that match. Yeah. You lost guys, yeah. Now there's some monster running around town and he, and it, and it,

and then tore the banged-up one who's all fucked up on the table. It was, it took our Ma. Oh no. It took ma Anderson from us I put my hand out for it to give us Well, we're just throwing words like that around now, huh? Come here big guy Sven hugs you, okay, okay I'm sorry. I just it's she's our mom. I know she's not I you know, she did some bad stuff I know that you know with the kid and with, but it's your ma's your ma

No, it's hard. And we woke up one night and there's a big explosion in our toilet And the next thing we know our ma's talking about she's got to go on a trip and she can't be late Yeah, and she starts walking out into the street. I think the dollmaker must come from the toilets. That is my domain Yeah, okay, you are telling me that there is something coming up from the domain of toilets. There should only be things going down. You don't own the toilets, Blake. I own the ones in the bathroom. Do we have Roz with us?

No, I would hope so. Oh yeah, no, she's still in the car. Okay. She's in her car helmet as she's trapped. She's trapped. Oh yeah. Yeah, the doll maker must be going through the toilets. Yes.

Yeah, I just- Central sanitation system or something, Blake? Yes. Where do all the toilets go here? Well, you see all the toilets drain towards the wastewater processing plant at the edge of town. Maybe that's where the dollmaker lives. We kind of figured if we could just follow our ma, she'd take us to wherever she was

going. She just wanted to walk in some direction. Okay. And so we followed her and we followed her and we followed her into this field, this corn field on the edge of town. At the corn hub? At the corn hub.

We went to the corn hub and we were walking out. There was the two of us and we brought our best guys with us, Mo and Joe and little Mo and big Joe and Torvald and no, did she go behind the paywall? She started wandering towards where the good corn was, you know, corn hub premium. And then all of a sudden we were in the corn, us and the boys. We were a squad a dozen deep and then we lost sight of Maji just vanished into the stocks. And I heard this rustling and I heard this screaming, gunshots and I just ran and I, and then you hear Tora say, he knocked into me. I must have emptied a whole Tommy gun clip into that thing, but

didn't do a damn thing. I saw that eye, or was it a mouth? Whatever it was, a hole or an orb or something, and I just lost myself. I would still be standing there if Sven had knocked into me, or the two of us just ran and ran and ran so we wound up here. Anyway that thing's out there and we may be gangsters. Yeah we may be gangsters but we're citizens of Peachyville too gosh darn it and we don't want this thing tearing up our town that's our turf. And anyway if you guys are after that thing which I think you might be well I just want you to know that whatever y'all are cooking,

you count on the Anderson boys, because we want to get our ma back. Looking for a community that has it all? Welcome to Crossings, the urban hub of West Lethbridge. At Crossings, you'll find a vibrant village designed for living, working, and connecting. With top-notch schools, a state-of-the-art rec center, retail spaces, and parks,

it's more than a neighborhood, it's a lifestyle. Enjoy NHL-size arenas, an aquatic center, an accessible playground, a 55-acre sports park, pathways, and a library with enriching programs. Learn more at crossingslethbridge.ca. Kelsey's gonna find a liquor bottle. It's in the 50s, there's liquor everywhere. And she's gonna walk exactly like the main guy in Grand Illusion

when the guy's dying on the table. And she goes and takes the shot glass. So she shakes and she takes a shot and she goes, your mom and I didn't see eye to eye. And I can't say I thought she was a good person but no way deserves to go like that she ain't dead yet I know it oh she's not what why I don't we didn't see her how can you say my ma is dead I mean she disappeared but she's still got to be out there right if your mom's not dead the water you two grown men doing here got banged up look

at my brother look at my brother I can't even see him and I know he's banged up! Okay. And then Tor's like, It banged me up pretty good. I barely survived. As you can plainly see. It was a gangbang in the- HAHAHAHA! Wow! Holy shit!

It was sitting right there in the table and only Beth saw it. Bound. Okay, bound. Can I get a bound in chat? Anything else you can tell us? I mean, so it's clear that the doll maker is coming through the toilet, so you think it's gonna be at the central sanitation plant? But it sounds like we can't just go in with,

if the Tommy gun didn't do anything, the shotgun's not gonna do- We need more information, and I have the files, but I'm so hurt Let's fix you up and then maybe we can search read the books Hey, I've always said you don't know what to do next read a book. That's what you do always say Oh, I go now. I can't use that one. I'm gonna have to think of another one for next episode I'm gonna have to think of another one for next episode. I can't use that one.

Dr. Dog and Gregor emerge from the back with Francis, whose leg is now bandaged up. Now, would you like them to have a fixed Bruthilda to be a sort of gun leg for you? Like, I don't know, like a grindhouse kind of thing. Make it hard to shoot yourself with it. Oh my god. Shh!

Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Holy shit! Oh Hey, we're moving. Garnel, split it here. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Bob Rodriguez, shoot on your wife. Death proof. Ha ha ha. You hear a clonk and a footstep and a clonk and a footstep and you look up and you see Francis with his arm in a sling,

a Kar98 for a leg and a forlorn look on his face. I hold out that little tupperware being like, yo, where's that skin at? Greg or like unfurls it then like he just sticks it in the Tupperware and then now that you know now that she's a rack which and everything you know she's covering her bases She kind of like pluck some hair from Francis to like sprinkles it on the flesh in case it needs You know you know which is always doing that Which is be doing that stuff with air and then she's gonna be like what's up with witches and their big stew cauldrons

You know Nobody meal preps like a witch. Could it be that we're just constantly coming in on witches doing, oh it's meal prep time! That little spicy jumbler! That could be when we are constantly coming in on witches. I'm just stirring this gumbo! That's where the mess came from. Men walking in on women meal prepping and getting whish and freaked out.

Two medieval times or two times? Our whole week is planned out. I can't let this go. You must be a witch. Men in their broccoli and chicken breasts. I saw Goody Proctor with the Tupperware. That was the original witch trial, was if you could eat all of the meal prep

without losing interest in it halfway through the week, then you were a witch. Shit. I'm going to flush down this sigil. Oh, damn, you're just going straight for the toilet. Yeah, flush it down the toilet. OK. Was there like a SWAT team right outside,

like ready to go in, like, wait, wait. He's moving. He's moving. He's moving. He's right on top of us! laughter Alright, yeah, go ahead and flush it, that's fine. You don't need to roll anything

for that. Well, actually, no, here's what we're gonna say. What? What does it roll? laughter For what? Do you use a toilet? It's not a roll every time, dude. It's a pretty consistent... Roll natural world. As someone who's been your writing partner for over a decade

and has shared many a bathroom with you, I've seen you fail some toilet rolls. Fair enough, fair enough. This is not a toilet roll. This is a toilet roll. Bound. Did you guys put your toilet roll upside down or the other way? Why am I rolling? Basically, I'm just painting the picture.

You receive this giant wad of skin from Gregor and then you're just turning to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. Dr. Dog is going to be like, excuse me? It's like a play of fish essentially. Hi, what are you doing? Mind your own business. I close the bathroom door. It's my toilet.

What do you mean? That's my toilet. I've got to use the bathroom door. It's my toilet! What do you mean? That's my toilet. I've got you in the bathroom! Okay, then leave the skin out here. Why? Because I don't want you clogging my toilet up. It's a gentle toilet. I know Dr. Dog's toilet. It requires a lot of babying. Only-

Why would you say that? Do not flush. Why would you say that, Blake? Why would you say that of all toilets? I could've- I called it like I see. Let's just live a little. Let's just give it a shot. Give me a luck roll. Push pastor. What's the luck to luck? Well, you push pastor, you throw it in the toilet. You flush. Now give me a luck roll. A luck roll? I want pushpaster. What's the luck? The luck roll. You pushpaster, you throw it in the toilet, you flush, now give me a luck roll. Twenty. What's your luck?

Shhh. Oh, I got rid of a lot. It's gotta be like less than a poop though, surely, in terms of size. And also you've rolled it up like a little cigarillo. I'm pretty sure. Alright, I'll fucking give it to you, fine. It's like one of those salami wrapped around cheese Yeah, little party platter special Costco I got to I'm pretty sure I get rocket be I'm pretty sure my luck got down to Like 17 now or 23 I think is what it was actually I think I still pass. It's fine I don't want to spend half the episode on clogging the toilet. toilet This just don't worry. Well, I'll get you on another one. Okay. Oh my god, Blake. It's clogged. Can you be clogged?

I just go or a lot of water down. It's fine You shove past dr. Dog and flush this skin down her toilet and it disappears down the drain I have a little more faith in your toilets dog flush it again Okay, Kelsey flush it again to make sure that it clears the pipes of the building. Okay. I flush it again Dr. Dog glowers at you. Okay. Now you might have I I do actually have to go The worst guest of all time Like an object down their toilet in their face and then be like, by the way, I do need a number two in here. So if you could just, if you could maybe see your way out of the...

I'm figuring you still gotta help out Trudy so I'm just gonna be in here. Get out, go! And she slams the door shut. Alright, what's her problem? Why are you talking to me? I'm in the bathroom. She's hurt! Help! She goes up to you and she starts to lift you up clonk. Yeah, she's like, whoa

Whoa, what is this is this what's going on here? I'm a robot you hear a courtesy flush You're a robot and then a second one You hear something shuffling? Oh no! You hear the water running? You hear the water running but then the toilet flushes again. Who knows I'll let you kill it and it's a person just fucking shoot her! Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm a robot. Help! Well, I do animals and I do humans but I don't really... I've never done a robot before.

Please, I'm only at one health point Point all right. Let's take her in the back. Let's see what we can do so doctor dog is going to do a Disadvantaged medicine oh, we got to take her to like a car mechanic. Yeah And they might be able to give the vanity now, I think she has like brains She has like some organic matter. It's true. Technically I'm a cyborg Hmm when you say cyborg Gregor Perkshaw was like what I've read a lot of Isaac Asimov books. Maybe that'll help Let's get back there. So they're gonna do a disadvantaged Medicine roll. Oh, that's an 11. That's a very good roll. Dude, this is Will. Will I just want to say good game design Because robot class is strong because you can sleep on top of books and absorb It's harder to heal. Yeah

Yeah, good game balance 51 so she passes she's able to wing it most of the damage that's happened to you is sort of like Internal bleeding and stuff like that in the parts of the you that are orc and insides are bleeding! Your shit's fucked up. So go ahead and roll a 1d3. Alright. You hear Kelsey panic cause she heard somebody say your shit's fucked up and she thinks they're talking about her. Shhh, shhh, they know, they know. A 2. A 2, okay, so you now have 3 HP.

Can I come in for a tune up? Um... Blake, ah, you may remember me from last time. Yes. Check up, please me from last time. Yes. Check up please. I remember you. Come on back. What's happening back there? That's a 31?

Alright, give me a 1d3. 2. The middle one. Stupid question, but when we sleep in Call of Cthulhu, we don't get our hit points back? You recover one hit point a day. Okay. So you will continue to recover as well. Sleep in call of Cthulhu. We don't get our hit points back you recover one hit point a day Okay, so you will continue to recover as well Okay, like one hit point per day as long as I don't get killed bang yourself up Did anyone else need to heal up was Matt gonna heal? I mean, that's a form of healing. What? Yeah, my health is I believe four so out of 12

I wasn't sure how the action system works, but yeah, hell yeah. We'll say this will be your guys' Hey Doc and Dolly, if you don't mind. And she just kind of sits down on the chair. It's like, I could use a little tune up too. Yeah, that's fine. I didn't have anything else going on today. That's fine.

Okay. I mean, it's your job. This is what you do. I mean, I have, We're gonna pay you. She sees all of these concerned people with their pet. Cause it's the middle of the day now. All these people with their pets are looking out the window. Why is there a van packed into the front of your door?

And she sticks her out of the door. She's's like we're closed today. I'm so sorry You're gonna have to bring fluffy and then mr. Puddin and Stakey Jake back tomorrow. They're all dead 78 well, you're not great doctor. Are you? Excuse me. I don't say that go. Oh you did great. Dr. Dog. I don't think I did. I can tell when I've done a good job, and I don't think it helps you much. I mean, you've helped a lot of us. I want to be very clear that you're still going to have to pay for this.

No, I've, yeah, I know how that works. You're good. We'll pay you. What does that mean? I mean, it means what it means. Dr. Doc's going to do a psychology for all of you. She got a 12. What does it mean?

It means that Kelsey's thinking either the whole world blows up in which case who cares? Like good luck getting that thing or like if they do save the world she still thinks like enough fucked up shit Like she's thinking this bills not coming That's what she's thinking and it's like, you know, she's one of four also Blake's rich She's not concerned about her having to pay this bill is what it is. All right, dr. Doug's gonna further narrow her eyes are super super What is happening over there? I? Was trying to look for this like me because you were talking about these people with their dogs I was like, please help my dog. He's very sick because I remember that being funny and then I found one and it was really really funny

It's like this dog skateboarding like someone help my dog is very sick So you've all attempted to heal or been patched up you've excised this tracking beacon for Francis's arm We sure hope in a gruesome manner. What would you like to do now? Spend and tour are at your disposal to help hunt down the dollmaker. They've decided to team up with you accomplish multiple things Did you guys check to see if they were being honest? I mean, I feel I mean I just kind of sense of it I was hugging Francis wants to make a psychology. Okay, go for it. I mean, I feel, I mean, I just kind of got a sense of it. I was hugging them. Francis wants to make a psychology roll. Okay, go for it.

They seem pretty genuine about missing their mom. My psychology's 80 and I got a 49. They seem legit to you. Okay, cool. They're fed up with all of the nonsense going on in the town and they are very concerned with getting their mother back. Kelsey, did you wash your hands?

When? Oh no, that's a no. That's a no, ladies and gentlemen. That should get you disbarred from being a teacher forever I think you should all roll to see if you heard whether or not Kelsey washer. We have the bathroom of course Trudy Why do you guys look at that map over there? map of dog body parts, I'm all world stealth to wash your hands Where you going miss grammar, oh I just

You didn't wash your hands. I did now I fixed it. We all make mistakes. I fixed this one You made a choice not to wash your hands Was stressed I heard people talking outside just left. I'm sorry. I didn't touch anything choice not to wash your hands. You didn't have a choice not to flush, but you didn't wash your hands? What's going on? I was stressed. I heard people talking outside. I just left. I'm sorry. And I didn't touch anything. You lovingly caressed all of our faces. Yeah, why didn't you do that when you came out? I had an open wound. I could get an infection. You're right. I don't know. I don't need pink eye in addition to all the other stuff.

Francis, after what you've just been through, you should know you can't change the past all we can do is move forward And I can't do anything more than say sorry for forgetting to wash my hands And know what I'm really ashamed of is not admitting it and then trying to hide the fact I forgot wash my hands and I'm doing it now. Okay, yeah, and you go. Okay. The thing is the lying Yeah, no, you're right. That's okay I guess you saying that makes Francis turn to who's the eyeless one Sven Sven Sven and go Well, we're handed out apologies for things that we can't take back. Yes. I'm sorry. I took your eyeballs out. Oh You are?

Yeah, well put her there son, and he puts his hand out this way a little bit more this way put her there pal No, that's that's your Blake That's mighty fine you son I appreciate it. It's hard work to apologize sometimes You're a lot more forgiving than I would be in this situation. I appreciate you. We're at it. Where's that kid Milton? Oh? He's here. He's here. I'm right here. Oh hello. Hello, Sven Milton in the spirit of being sorry for ripping people's eyes out me and my brother sure are sorry for ripping out your eyes Oh, well, that's I'm I'm not a question Did you keep the eyes or did you just um flush them down the proverbial toilet? Excuse me I'm kind of having an apology moment here with this young man

Well, I was just saying you could maybe make good in what sense would I be able to make good kept the eyes in your? refrigerated truck Blake You're a good plumber. Yes, you're a dumb stupid man That's not how eyes work So what I'm learning about being an adult is that if you get really badly hurt you turn into a good person. Shane's junior, me, this guy. No but not Shane, Big Shane was bad. I mean Big Shane wasn't bad he was trying to avenge his kid. I mean, he was hurt on the inside. He was hurt on the inside. I mean you're right. I'm just saying if we meet somebody who's really mean we should consider mauling them. I'm joking I don't do that anymore. Probably. What would you guys like to do? Where do we know the third key is zoo?

Yes, this is the zoo and we think still a McDonald's we haven't Think the dollmaker is Moving around the plumbing of the town and that would make sense that maybe it like holds up at how stupid would it be if we flush? The fucking sigil down the drain and then went right to where it goes in the sewer and they found us again. That'd be funny. Oh. Hey, BB.

Yes, Miss Grammer? Lay down what our options are. I would be delighted to. Mm. So it strikes me that there are a lot of avenues we could pursue right now. When I'm trying to figure out one of my classic cases, like the mystery of the stolen pie

or the mystery of the spooky nose in the mystery of the nose in the stand. It's okay. It's okay. Today's about forgiveness. Miss grammar. It seems to me that we have a lot of leads we could pursue for one. She just rips a bunch of lost dog posters off of like a cork board and then starts tacking stuff up to start theorizing. I just think that those dogs need to be fine. Okay. They're dead. They're probably dead. Let's be honest the dogs are probably Dr.. Dog is like is this true. They're probably gone not that I care about dogs anyway. This is a cat clinic That's true. You cared enough to put their missing posters up This dog is bad. I feel like if you put up a missing poster for a dog

You should put up a found poster if you found it so that the people who saw the missing posters yeah this grammar yes today you're the student I'm the teacher okay I need you to focus whoa I'm always a student and I was on from you but I get it okay I sit down I'm quiet okay first things first she sticks up known bison's and she has dr. man John Clark Brian the library guy Francis his parents any of them might have information that we can use to help us And she has Dr. Man, John Clark, Brian the Library Guy, Francis' parents. Any of them might have information that we can use to help us in our goals. She also puts under like a sort of heading that says like current events. Remember didn't a bunch of blood get stolen from the hospital? What was that about?

A positive blood. A positive blood. And I think Milton you said that was yeah, that's the same type of blood my mom has. Someone might be using that blood to try to hunt or do something with a dollmaker. That's probably nothing Francis what Francis? I know that you're having a tough time right now, but I'm in charge right now Okay, and I'm sad and what you did scared me, but right now. I'm more scared of you disrupting my lecture So sad well I was sad when well you know where nope nope. I'm more scared of you disrupting my lecture. So, you're sad? Well, I was sad when, well, you know, where, nope, nope, I'm not sad.

Okay. I'm sad that- You're growing up already, learning how to hide your feelings. Well, shut up. Good. Okay. All right. Okay.

Keep going. Hey, hey. Sorry, well now I lost my place. Yeah, baby, just push. You can't let them know that you're weak. You just push through. You just keep teaching. Even if you're wrong about what you're saying,

you just keep, because they don't know. They're learning from you. You're right. You just keep going. You got this. You're a teacher. You're such a good teacher. You just keep teaching, even if you're wrong about what you're saying, you just keep, because they don't know, they're learning from you. You just keep going. You got this, you're a teacher. You got this. You're such a good teacher. You just got this. I respect you, I respect you, and I appreciate you.

No, no, I respect you, you're the teacher. Oh, that's right, I am the teacher. Shut up! She turns back to that. She's learning. She's beginning to believe you. She underlines blood, hospital, question mark. She puts a dollar sign in it.

She puts a dollar sign on it for some reason We know that this thing goes through pipes, right? And so we know that at some point it's gonna be underground We know that it has some weird freaky eye and we know that Trudy when you read the thing earlier Wasn't there something about it having an eye? Let me look at my notes Yes, yes an exoskeleton with one weak point in the skull. That must be the eye.

Oh, yeah? So it's got a weak point. Yeah, well there's a lot of eyes damage going on. But it sounds like it'll be a really, really, really, really, really tough shot to make. It sounds like this thing is really hard to track. And it's really hard to shoot. If you wanna kill it, you wanna hurt it,

you're gonna have to figure out a way to shoot that eye. So we gotta find a way to make it stop moving. How fast was this thing? When you guys saw it, you're gonna have to figure out a way to shoot that eye. So we gotta find a way to make it stop moving. How fast was this thing? When you guys saw it, fuck everything up. TOR is speaking from his bandaged up stasis. That was the worst part. It was slow. Oh.

It moved slow. Oh. Okay. But it was nigh impossible. Uncannily slow. Because the doll maker warped space time. Oh shit, so like if we get closer, we'll probably go slow too, and it'll probably be like a black hole thing.

Yes. You may need to make a shot from far away. Sven Tor, what was your mother doing when it came out? She walked into the corn fields at the corn hump premium, and then she disappeared. But then you said it came out and attacked her. We were all at home watching the Ozzie and Harriet show. Yeah, did anything happen before it came out of the toilet?

Well, the toilet exploded. Did anything happen before that came out of the toilet? Well, the toilet exploded. Did anything happen before that? We heard a noise. Was she in there? She was in there. What was she doing? What was your mother doing in the bathroom? What do you think, Kelsey?

I'm just- Was it one or two? I, I, I- Okay, well it's probably not two because Kelsey just proved it. Yeah, well, so we all, look, we're all adults here. We can hear it. We can hear what's going on in the bathroom.

Why do you need to know if my mother went one or two, Kelsey? I'm just trying to figure out if there's a way, so we're all on the same page. To lure the, to lure, I want to know if there's something consistent about what's happening to somebody when the doll maker comes out. Like, is it when they're wiping? Is it when they're not going?

God. Look, is your mom's blood A positive and she had some blood in her stool? Oh, yep, maybe it's that. Or she's on her, you know. Oh, she can't, she's been at this time of the month. On her period, yeah. She could be doing that.

Our mother is post-menopausal. Oh, so she don't bleed down there. No more It's an always important conversation to have with your mom Yeah, but we're very close with our mother she shares with us details with us details. I wish I had that relationship. Who is? Focus Trudy! Trudy, Trudy, I'm sure we're gonna fix your kid. We're gonna help your kid and then maybe

you will have that relationship. Tammy will have no problem asking you about menopause. Okay? Okay. Yeah, that's what we're looking forward to. That conversation when we rescue him. Hey, we take care of you for all our lives. You can take care of us when we get older

Okay, um Francis what well no I guess yeah, I don't write your parents. They're right. That's a sore spot Teacher you heard what I'm saying like if we lure this thing to us, that's what I think like could we fight it We attack it. I suppose you could maybe you could go to one of those toilets that it exploded out of and learn more I just I wasn't in the room. So I don't know but Anderson has a positive blood just like the other victims. Okay, just like the blood they stole from that hospital Yeah, we're not going to the hospital. The dollmaker only eats a positive blood Does anybody have a positive blood here Francis?! I have- oh! Blood which- Never mind!

Blake Lively, a dull spark finally burns in your brain. Ah, I do have a positive, I remember, because we all need to know it in the military. Yes. Oh sure. Great. That's what was on my dog tag! That wasn't an evaluation of my skills. I'm doing so good this war

What if we set up a trap around a toilet bowl and then cut Blake and drop some of his blood in water? That's a great idea And then I would balance up on the fucking Countertop and then just put my foot right in the yeah my guns were right in the fucking toilet bowl and the second I see an eye just bow. Yes, exactly we We can make like a little like a little scarecrow In a position as if it's just coming off the toilet like it just went over to And it's one of those people Right we smear that scarecrow

Right and we smear that scarecrow and Oh right we can just go to the toilet scarecrow department and look for else It doesn't have to be a scarecrow made for toilets Well then they do make them One spot does she have any sort of you know like The point is we make like a figure that looks like it's just came out of the toilet We cover it in Blake's blood so this thing's gonna ooooh Like slither out and see the silhouette of a person and smell the blood. And then when it goes to leap out of the toilet to attack it,

because I wanted to leap out of the toilet is my point. Well, it's going to make the toilet explode. Yeah, OK. It's something we'd have to be ready for. Yeah, but I think we should make some sort of snare, you know, like King Kong when they capture King Kong. Yeah. Yeah, so we need something to capture it when it comes out.

And then you can shoot it in the eye. OK. And no offense to you, I just think the risk of you trying to shoot it in the milliseconds it takes to come out. No, I agree. I agree. I think we try to capture it as it comes out and then you can shoot it in the eye. Okay. And no offense to you, I just think the risk of you trying to shoot it in the milliseconds it takes to come out. No, I agree, I agree. I think we try to capture it as it comes out. Now that you're a witch, do you know any spells about slowing things down?

No, I know one exactly. I get one. I get one. What did that spell do again? I get one spell. What does it do? I get, oh, it opposed pow. Pow is probably pretty fucking strong, huh?

I mean, I don't know. We're going to have to do some rules against it no matter what. Yeah. Okay, you know, all right, I'm going to go with the bow. I'm going to go with the bow. I'm going to go with the bow. I'm going to go with the bow. I'm going to go with the bow. I'm going to go with the bow. I can feel it the pose pal pal is probably pretty fucking strong, huh? I mean, I don't know we're gonna have to do some rules against it. No matter what. Yeah. Yeah, okay You know I'll do my best. So wait What does rat do what does is essentially incapacitates you for a little bit of time like you're overcome with pain

It's pretty awful. Honestly. I feel you know it's not great that I do it, but you know Crazy power Yeah, it totally wrecks your body is almost done. It's like feeling like I cast a spell. It's a pretty crazy power. It's just one more thing I don't like about my mom, she doesn't too. Yeah, it totally wrecks your body. It's almost like feeling like you're struck by lightning. Okay. And then it probably feels a little bit like you got poisoned afterwards. And for minutes afterwards you're sick and you feel awful. Blake, you have a pretty good understanding of the way the plumbing works.

Is there some sort of like... Scarecrow? Yeah. Did they sell a scarecrow at the little blind place last time? I could waddle away the owls. It strikes me that if we want to bait and trap this, it's a little bit like fishing. It's like ice fishing. Yes.

Where you wade over the hole, and you bait the hole. Yeah. The hole explodes. And then the hole explodes. The difficulty of course is that this monster, we have seen the damage it has wrought. How damaged was the bathroom at Roz's? The toilet had basically exploded

from when this thing burst out of it. Okay, burst out of it. How big is this thing when you saw it? We didn't get a close look at it. Okay. It was hard to discern its form from the rustling corn we saw just as shifting. It was like a chameleon.

You couldn't quite fix your eye on it. Dr. Dog, what's the strongest cage you got? The strongest cage? You know, like a dog. Like a bad dog. I have a cage for men. Oh, okay, well we'll use that. That's great.

Is that a wedding ring? We put the cage over the toilet, right? It bursts out of the toilet. We don't know how strong it is. Hopefully it won't also explode the cage, but even if it does, it'll probably slow it down. You're right, it would be literally live a shoot out of the toilet. We don't know how strong it is Hopefully it won't also explode the case But even if it does it probably slow it down you write it We literally will have a shoot out of the toilet into the cage and the only thing that will be in that cage is it in a scarecrow position

Oh, Blake do you have your work prof, Blake, do you have your, we're profited, do you have your name? I do have an arsenal, but it was in my place. Oh yeah, your house. Oh man. I got a shotgun. I got a gun. Oh, you do? And it's a nice one too.

Okay. Trudy pulls out the biggest handgun you've ever seen in your life. That's really great. Whoa! Isn't it so big? The ice cool doctor dog is like, Whoa, that's a big gun. Yeah, it's three.

My, my, my. Well, that's three shots at it right away. We just make sure we're not pointing at each other. I have a gun as well. I think our old friend Tony Collette has something to teach us about this. Blake, you remember the contraption he made Ah, yes I do.

For him to shoot a gun from a distance. You disarmed him, I remember. Yeah. a gun from a distance. You disarmed it, if I remember. Yeah. And in doing so, I noticed a number of critical vulnerabilities that I have corrected in my own mind in case I needed to deploy. We rig up every gun we have to be able to shoot at the pull of a trigger, and they all come out into the cage, because they're lured there by a scarecrow covered in blood. By recording. With a recording that's like, oh I'm bleeding.

Oh, oh is my, oh is this toilet paper red? Oh no, I'm bleeding. Guys, you're wasting gold. Keep it safe for the moment. This is great. Wait, wait, wait, can we splice the Tony tape? Hamburger is, I'm bleeding. Can we splice the Tony tape? Somebody... Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't think I'm ready to fully be a teacher yet Why don't you teach us all what you want all of us to do watch and learn kid talk your dog Get your case. Yeah for men for some reason Toilet I'm not putting it over the toilet for I'm not part of this is a discussion

This is I'm telling you what you're gonna do. So put it over the toilet I'll tell you one thing either you're playing over the toilet or one of us is playing over the toilet So they're going over the toilet. I don't want to do it. All right friend this then tour put over the toilet or one of us is playing over the toilet. So is that valid? You can put it over the toilet. I don't want to do it. All right, fine. Sven, Tor, put it over the toilet. Okay. All right, great. We're gonna avenge your mother or save her. Trudy?

Yes. You think you can make a scarecrow? I know I can. Can you make it like this? I kind of like do the stance of like, I'm standing up to wipe. That's gonna be, that's gonna be a really, the center of gravity is gonna be so far forward,

that's gonna be really difficult. Can you gravity is gonna be so far forward, that's gonna be really difficult. Can you make it like this, this, this? Did I do that? Well, it'll be hard without my sewing machine, but I think I can do it. Oh, but BB, BB, you got a badge in sewing, right? I sure did. Alright, just help out Trudy here. You can count on us, we'll get it done.

Okay, Francis, Blake, you two are gonna rig up the guns so that you, with one trigger one pull of a rope can be all shot is my gun detachable for my stump Oh your gun is Use your gun I don't want you close there Francis there's a reason to sacrifice I'm saying I'm saying if we need another gun we can take my leg off and put it in Francis we don't know how the time dilation and all that nonsense works. It may be good to have a backup gun further away. Okay, that makes sense. Francis, are you on good terms with Bernhilda?

I don't know, Francis. Are we on good terms now? Does she want to kill this thing? I'm just wondering because what would be crazy? No, because I want to kill it. She doesn't like doing things I like to do. I would be willing... Really? ...to help you kill this monster. Okay in exchange For one freebie one freebie what she said I get and it won't be one of your friends and no one in this room No one in this room. No one in this room, but I want one freebie Francis

And not Carly and not Carly and not anyone related to us directly by blood. I Just want Francis. You never take me out to kill anybody anymore. We never sleep together. Well, I just- You always say you're tired. I feel like I have been expressing my needs in this relationship and you are not giving me anything.

So I'm just saying, I am trying to make this work. You're right. I am stuck with you just as much as you are stuck with me, my Nair. All I'm saying is I will help you shoot this and you, oh, you could save the little baby, the little Timmy. Oh, yes, you'd be the big hero. What's she saying now? Nothing, it's fine.

I want my freebie, Francis. Okay, she's asking for a freebie. So like, at some point I'm gonna have to kill somebody innocent in order to do this. Okay, we can probably figure out a way. So that feels like a later problem. Yeah, like a hall pass. A hall pass, I like this, yeah. Francis, like a hall pass.

A hall pass. I like this. We have an arrangement. Francis, this is your decision. I think we can find a way to make it work without. I was just thinking that. I just do what I want. My freebie, Francis. How are you going to be more useful than just like any other gun? Those guns can't shoot for shit. I can give you one automatic success.

One automatic success. She can aim. She's like an automated gun essentially. I'm a very accurate gun, Francis. Okay, you got a deal. Okay. They all witness, you all witness. What does your gun say? Tells them they all witness.

You're all witnesses, it's notarized. To what? That I'm gonna kill an innocent person later I guess in exchange for this. But are we gonna help you? We're all in this now. We're all going to kill him. We're all going to commit. We're all going to commit. We're all going to figure it out We're all going to see it! We're all going to go listen to the cryo I'm going to commit!

Yeah, we're all going to figure it out how to maybe not have to do that, but I know we shouldn't say it out loud because Brunilla can hear us talk, right? Oh, she is such a scamp, the Kelsey. I know she is a scamp. Oh, she's such a scamp. I think the less we say the better in this situation. So let's just do- Francis?

Yeah? I think all good relationships have compromise, and I am proud of us. I agree with that, that's fair. I am proud of us that we come to the compromise. I am I'm do and also can you put like a shoe on the barrel? I just I'm getting a lot of dirt in the barrel of the gun when you walk around so maybe like a shoe Yeah Thank you love and then I'm gonna collect blood from Blake Kelsey Raza she hasn't got a job, and we need the A positive blood.

Okay, so Trudy and BB. And BB are going to make a scarecrow. Yes. Do you wanna build a scarecrow? I think it really just stuff like some shirts, you know? I mean, I guess that's what a scarecrow is. No, I'm gonna give it my all.

Okay. Do you do the pose again? Yeah. Okay. It's like. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you wanna see a picture of Blad's doing It's like yeah, yeah If you want to see a picture of doing the pose It's just you gotta have your face that's like oh is that a mistake to stand up a little bit And you know don't worry about the center of gravity because you can just lean the forehead against the cage. Oh yeah! Yeah. We've been to the world's first squatty bodies. Just remind me, why are we killing this thing again? I mean, it's a monster, and we can save Timmy. Oh, wait, boy, that's a great point.

How are we gonna get its venom to save Timmy before- Don't shoot it until it's bit the butt of the scarecrow. No, no, no, no, it doesn't. The scarecrow will collect. So you're gonna put some sort of venom bladder in the scarecrow. If venom doesn't disappear when it's dead, we'll just take it from the corpse.

Yes, but if it's like blown up or something, I don't know. It's not gonna blow, we're gonna shoot around the eye. Okay, yes, yes. We'll be fine. But maybe if the butt of the scarecrow had some sort of bladder, make it with like, you know, like water bottles. Got a lot of notes on a scarecrow had some sort of bladder make it with like, you know Like water bottle a lot of notes on a scarecrow. You're not helping

That's my job that's my job. I'm gonna look for some sort of like well your vet office There's gonna be tons of weird. Yeah, like you know matters and like yeah a lot of like scope creep with this There's a lot of like scope creep with this There needs to be a sharp component to the butt don't worry about the butt okay, the butts now my domain on the I'm gonna put Blake's blood on like a bunch of toilet paper, and we're gonna put that toilet paper like in the hand of the scarecrow For maximum realistic effect. He's like leaning backwards like what? Alright, last question.

I've never been more excited to see the episode art for- I think after six years we managed to outdo somebody in a bag of holding on top of a bear with a flaming sword and all that shit. Alright, last question. Where is this all happening? The bathroom. What bathroom? This bathroom. The doctor dogs? Yeah, we're here.

The doctor dogs like, fucking excuse me? No! No, I'm not even gonna be cool and mysterious about this. Wait, wait, wait, here we go, here we go. It's the one bathroom that is the easiest one to access. The McDonald's bathroom. That's a lot of money. That's a lot of stuff to bring to McDonald's. Don't worry, I'll make a big order to cover. I like that plan. I am hungry.

That's fair. I came up with a lot of the plan. I think it's only fair that you guys come up with moving at all to McDonald's So we can prototype it here, but not put the bait in the trap guys have to leave I need to open my vet. I have actual sick pets that I care about Hell yeah, we have poop scarecrow at home was nice about that If we get the van we can celebrate right away It's already be a McDonald's Who about the blow up the toilet at McDonald's Matt?

Like a riddle a group people blew up a toilet and then a MacDonald's What happened? Hahaha! Hahaha! Hahaha! Holy shit! Let me see if I understand the roles and what's happening and who's doing what and where, etc. etc. Okay? The plan is to lure the doll maker into a toilet. By dropping him out of a toilet. To come out of a toilet. Cause we've been told that that's what they do.

There's gonna be a man sized cage over the toilet. Yep. And a scarecrow that looks like Blake wiping its scarecrow ass. You guys are gonna chum the toilet water with a positive. It might just be a bucket of blood. Scarecrows just, you know, a little whimsy for this man.

So yes, we have to drop. No, we don't need a bucket cause that would kill him. Yeah just, you know, a little whimsy for the plan. So yes, we have to drop it because that would kill him. Yeah, that's true. That's true. Drop Blake's blood. Yeah. Put it in the toilet. The scarecrow is there to sell the illusion that someone just pooped blood. So that the creature will jump up to try to do whatever it does. Yes. Yes. OK, that makes sense. And Trudy's making the scarecrow.

Trudy's making the scarecrow with Bebe. Kelsey has taken the responsibility of creating the bladder that hopefully the thing injects the venom into. So that you have the venom. Yeah, that's just extra because I feel like if we shoot it, you can extract venom from a dead creature. But just in case, I'm making the scarecrow have a jelly butt.

A jelly butt. Here's what it is. I look and in the lobby, there's one of those little like squishy, like hoppy balls for kids that are waiting. You know how they got like little toys for kids? Squishy. You know the ones with the little handle? It's like a bouncy ball. They handle. Oh, I'm looking at a little Tykes mega bouncing hopper ball. Yeah. Yeah. There's like, I see the section that they have for like, you know, they got Maxims for the adults and little toys for the kids

I see that. Do you say they have Maxims for adults? I said magazines. They have Maxims? My god! No, no, they have Maxims for adults. That's different. That's playboy. I'll allow it. We put that on the butt. I guess we should also have two needles, one to extract the blood from Blake and one to extract the venom from the doll maker.

Great. You don't want to reuse that needle probably. Probably not. Probably not. I mean we could reuse it on the dollmaker. Who cares if the dollmaker gets sick? Oh yeah. Yeah. That's true. As long as the order's right. Just don't reuse it after that. The primary thing, and this is why I'm like, again, I'm strongly proven wrong. I feel like this is the most 100% plan we've ever had. Because as long as our information is correct, and American history has proven it, sometimes we don't have the correct information and we make actions based off of the wrong information.

We don't know what we don't know that. But assuming the information is correct, we know also that its eye is the weak point. And the problem is that, yes, it's like fucking smog. It's like you can't just shoot the dragon, you guys shoot it in the one spot. So we know the eyes of me point This is the other part of the plan is that Francis and Blake are going to rig up an elaborate gun booby trap

Oh, yeah All of the guns pointed at the toilet that can be pulled with a string or something to fire and in case that doesn't work Francis has caught a Faustian bargain with Brunhilde and is getting a freebie for a freebie and will be primed to shoot the eye with Brunhilde. And that shot is 100% success. And that's why I'm putting all my money on fucking black whatever number three exactly where we get the most money. That's what you call me now black number three. Because you have an instant success.

The bathroom that's been chosen for this op is the McDonald's bathroom. Yes. Famously, the easiest bathroom you can get into. Yeah, I figure we're all like hudged over the table like you're planning a cool heist and there's like fun mini figures on like a table and like maps and stuff. Blake goes over to Kelsey, puts a hand on her shoulder. Kelsey? Yes.

Are you sure this is what is going to happen? I mean, I'm pretty sure. Where else are you gonna get confidence like that? Yeah. That's right right we're a team and we can do this we can do this if everybody else has a better plan wait no that's not possible okay let's do this let's do this it's not the end of the morning you spend your morning putting together this dynamite cracker jack plan I feel like the booby trap we will roll to rig that up at the bathroom. Sure. Tor, not Sven, because Sven is blind,

disassembles the cage with the help of Dr. Dog, who adds it to your bill that she's going to be sending you later. Her personal man sized cage. Trudy, you're taking point on Operation Scarecrow. How are you going to assemble this scarecrow? What's your plan? Well, I look around me and frequently scarecrows are made of things that are lying around. And so what do I see?

You're at a vet. So whatever... I see a dead cat. All of these two broomsticks would be perfect feet. Yes! I see two broomsticks and I put them up... Go ahead, Beth, go ahead. I put them... no, I just... I put them up and then I'm gonna put a body around it. And what is that gonna consist of? The body is going to be a big bag of dog food.

Okay. Trudy, will this help? I found some scrubs. I throw her scrubs. Kelsey, this is kind of like- Oh you're right, I'm sorry, I'm micromanaging. Okay, okay, you do you. I'm not even gonna look, I'm not even gonna look.

I'm watching though. I put the scrubs on the body, and then I think as the arms, there's two stethoscopes that I will use as little noodle arms coming off the side. And then I think this globe will do nicely as a head. And I will take, yes, of course, the vet needs to know where they are.

Yeah. In the 1950s, that's the only way you could tell where World War II was. So everybody had globes. There's no Google Maps. And then this poster that has this cat on it that says, is your cat getting into mischief? Is going to be put on the globe so that it looks like a face.

What else is there? Bebe's like, uh, Trudy, we haven't done the legs yet. How is it going to stand up? Remember the pose? The pose, of course. Yes. Yes. Hmm. Hmm. OK. We haven't done the legs yet. How is it gonna stand up? Remember the pose the pose of course yes, yes, hmm Hmm, okay, so it seems like there would be a two-factor leg situation going on here. Yes

My my what else would they have? I feel like Just I kind of feel like in the corner looking kind of bored and lonely Twiddling her thumbs. Kelsey. Oh, yes Trudy. Well If you were to put together some legs out of veterinary objects that may be around here What would you do? Are you asking? Please? Okay, great. I pick up a chair. You must bend the knee

before Kelsey will assist you in this endeavor. No, I'd love to help you. I pick up the closest chair. I see this wood and I just snap two of its legs off. I go, Dr. Dog will deal with this later. And I go, look, all we need is bandage tape. And we can just tape it into like a little angle. Yes, some wrap.

So that you're in that sort of pose. You know what pose is a pose when you're kind of getting up from the toilet. You're not quite sure if you're getting all the way up or sitting down and you gotta wipe because maybe it's a little far back there. Yes, and then. What?

Don't worry about it. And then we're gonna get a magnet from the bulletin board. We're gonna tape it near where the butt would be. And then the stethoscope, the noodle arm, will be coming around and stick to the magnet. So it's gonna look like it's wiping. That's good. That's so good.

Oh, you can use the magnet to trap a piece of toilet paper in there. Yes. Yes. Okay. And that's where we'll put Blake's blood. Okay. So I love the toilet paper. That looks great.

Matt trying to like make it a reality that it looks great. So he doesn't have to roll for it. So far, so far the legs are two broken pieces of wood. With shoes on the end. With balls. So far so far the legs are two broken pieces of wood Of course stuff it with a bunch of paper And then these bills bandage tape. Yes, we use a lot of the bandage tape. Yes cosplay this You are talking about just again, I'm not like Matt. I'm rooting for you

As the DM I would be remiss if I didn't point out the legs need to support the weight of a 50 pound bag of dog Food of course I know what to do what yes We put another magnet on the wall of the McDonald's and make the other noodley. And hold it onto it. When did this dinner go to become the most important part of this plan? I don't know. I thought it was a great idea.

You could also just remove some of the dog food. And fill it, filled with like tissue paper. That's true. Yeah, okay, okay! Just cause it is funny to me, why don't the two of you collaborate on a drawing of what this scarecrow is? Oh, that's funny! I love that.

I'm not a very good artist. I'll draw it on the back of the Peachyville map. I would like to give a rousing speech to my team before we go forward. Blake! Listen! Okay? Trudy going to give a speech. Stop what you're doing. All right. I was tying the strings to the triggers, but I will stop.

You can give your speech. We're going to do a performance role as well. The team gets advantage on their roles to assemble the booby trap and the scarecrow and bluff their way into the bathroom. If it goes poorly, you're rolling a disadvantage. Kelsey. Yes. Do you remember that one game against the Bouncing Frogs where we were in frame seven and you got a 7-10 split on your first bowl and you thought there's no way, there's no way to pick up the spare.

I remember what you told me. Yes, yes. Let's wash back to that speech. Take no responsibility for this scene. Kelsey, you got a 7-10 split. It's not possible. I'm not gonna get it. Oh no, I don't know what to do. What if you just pretend that the pins know each other and that they want to go into the Abyss together and so you-

That's some crazy shit to say. I'm still alive in this black lab. Yeah. Yeah. Tony, you got literally a 20 on all 10 frames. Yes. That's the worst score I've ever seen. Yeah.

Yeah, why don't we keep him around again? For my charm. No, yeah, that's right. He's a real charmer. I need to reunite them. They want to be back together. Yes. And this ball is just a tool. tool to help them. Yes. It's not something I'm knocking down. It's two pins

I'm bringing together. That's true. Okay, and so that's what I said I didn't get it, but it was such a nice thing. Yes. I'm still waiting for that first 7-10 split I get and Francis do you remember when I told you to take down those bumpers and proudly roll whether or not you get a gutter ball or a strike? It's just about getting down the lane, but not with your body because it's with the ball. I mean, the first time I did go down with my body because my fingers were still in the holes, but you're right. I was going to keep playing bumpers. the first time I did go down with my body because my fingers were still in the holes But you're right. I was gonna keep playing numbers. I did I did I keep playing bumpers forever until you convinced me I could do it without and it took about six months for you to find

Out how to not throw gutter balls, but I got there eventually amazing that the competitive bowling league you were in it was good Like what are your guys playing with? We had a deadline and Me do I remember? What you told Tony what I told Tony Tony, I don't think it's working out We should be a team anymore, you can't get rid of me you've already signed up with me That's true. You you get rid of me. You've already signed up with me. That's true. You get rid of me, you get rid of this whole stupid team. It's not a stupid team.

Francis, bring me my drink. I'm about to bowl. Oh, he's so charming. That's why we keep him around. He's the worst player, but the most fun. Boy, what a friendly guy. He's so on the up and up. I am getting cat vibes from him though.

And I told myself that someday I'm gonna stop using a nine pound ball and use an 11 pound ball. And I'm on a 10 right now. But it all works. You're 10 treated. Oh wow, all this to say that when a plan comes together, we'll know. It's right. Yeah.

That's just what the, yes, hello. Hi, it's me, Milton. Hi, Milton. So it's a lot more people in the plan than just the four of you. Did you have anything inspiring to say to me and Bibi and Blake and Sven and Dwarf? Yes, y'all.

We're all ears. Yes, just if. Uh huh. If you. I just want to say before you say whatever you say, it's been really hard for me lately because I lost my eyes and my mom has been possessed by this monster and I'm really scared and you know I'm part of the team and I just, you know, I think a really inspiring, powerful word could really make or break me right now.

Oh. He's not doing anything important, so don't. Don't stress out about it. Just give him some words. Yes, of course. Kelsey, thank you. Milton, don't stress out about it. OK.

Yes. All right. Well, yeah, I'll try not to, I guess. Hey, Milton. Yeah? You already look a little less stressed. I'm kind of sick of how mean you guys are to me. Oh.

Oh my god, that was not the time, Wilton. No. I know. Wilton, you're right. You know what? Even though we're adults, we still make mistakes and we're very stressed right now, but that's not an excuse to put it out on you. I know you're scared, but your mom's safe in the car and everything we're going to do

now is going to help her, okay? And I'm sorry that we've maybe not been the kindest to you. Okay. Also, you know, get it together a little bit. There's a kinda lot going on. Get in the scarecrow, Shinji! And I know you're a strong kid. Yeah. And I think B.B. could use your help.

All right, I'll help. But you're good, you're a strong kid. Your mom's gonna be proud of you when we're done with this, okay? Yeah. We got this. Fucking jerk. you when we're done with this, okay? Yeah, we got this fucking jerk Finally finally he says like being about me and he won't stop creeping on me Finally gave him the egg All right, give me a roll. Do you have modifiers based on the quality of that speech? I'm gonna be generous and say no

of that speech. I'm gonna be generous and say no. No! No! I'm gonna be generous and say no is a good DM line. Persuade. Roll whatever you like. Nice. Roll Spud.

But tell me what it is before you do it so that I know that it's not malarkey. I'm gonna roll psychology. Oh, interesting. All right. Yay! OK, I had a 42 in psychology, and I got a 17. All right!

Super success. Super success! Alright, everyone has advantage on their role for their part of the plan. Alright, gather around everybody. We have the drawing. Matt, can you hold it up for my camera? So, there's brooms, and like, a lake chair. And that's the bouncy ball. They're plugged into it. Going back to the beginning, this is obviously the... And then the...

Obviously the what? The bouncy ball. The bouncy ball, and then the stethoscopes are one magnetically to the wall, and then one to the butt. And there's tissue paper on the butt. Beth, can you hold this for a second? There's one part of this drawing that's left out of me. I want to ask about that. What is that sticking out of the butt. Beth, can you hold this for a second? There's one part of this drawing that's left out of me. I want to ask about that. What is that sticking out of the butt tissue paper? I see.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. I see it now. All right. Well, this is a globe on its head and then the poster. He should have gone to art school. It's really good. Are you guys, um, are you proud of what you've done here? I think you should be. Yeah. It was your idea too. Dear listener, you may be wondering what this looks like. You will find out on our patreon. We'll put a post up explaining what this insane Insane drawing looks like there. It looks like a mutant. It's so weird. So here's what we're gonna do It's you BB and you saw what we drew right? Yes Okay I'm just, you still think we need a roll after. You saw it.

And what are we rolling? You could have drawn a fucking nuclear submarine. I still make a roll to build it, Matt. Give me a, let's see, what should we make this? Probably like a spot hidden. Pfft. I assume none of you guys have anything in art slash craft. That's a thing?

Yeah, that's under. I have five. Oh, I do, I have 50. You have 50 in art slash craft? I have 50 arts, yeah, I'm a teacher. 15 or 15? 50, five zero. Wow, that's wild. That's perfect. We have 15 art slash craft? I have 50 arts. Yeah, I'm a teacher. 15 or 15? 15, five zero. Wow, that's wild.

That's perfect. We're gonna make this an arts and crafts roll. And what does Bibi have? Bibi has five points. I fail. 25. Oh, super success. Okay, that's good, because Bibi got an 87.

I got a 62. You both were such a big help. I could have done better. I was just like, I just, I gave the plan, but you guys really put it together. Thank you so much, Rudy and BB. Okay, great. So this thing is built.

What kind of success did you get? That's a super. It's got 25. Oh, you got a super success. 25, so yeah, exactly. Wow, it actually shockingly even has like a bit of a Blake Lively resemblance to it. Oh wow, that's what I thought looking at the drawing

that Matt made. Yeah, you really captured Blake's dump truck ass with the big bouncy ball you put in there's dump truck ass with you know big bouncy ball You put it yeah, these arms do look like seth scopes. That's dumb truck ass watch it jiggle jiggle I can't look away. Don't truck ass calm watch it jiggle jiggle. Yes That's too much too much the next stages of our operations are gonna happen at McDonald's Oh, yes, hell yes Which means I've got other things to take care of at at McDonald's. Oh! Yes, hell yes. Bum-ba-da-boom. Which means.

I've got other things to take care of at the McDonald's bathroom. The only thing we're taking care of is getting this monster. Okay, then can I go to a different bathroom before we go to the McDonald's bathroom? On the way to McDonald's. No, everybody check your bodies. What?

Do you need to go potty now? Before we go. All right, let me get mindful. We need to do a body scan. Also, Blake and Francis know words of look what we did Don't you want to ask the scarecrow if she needs to potty Because I did a body skin on her and or him To be me

But the resemblance Must be jelly cuz Jam don't shake like that Too bad McDonald's doesn't sell peanut butter cuz I would have myself a sandwich Oh! Too bad McDonald's doesn't sell peanut butter because I would have myself a sandwich. Francis, I just like, I'm just so glad that you like our scarecrow. Yeah, I do have it now.

All right, you're all buckled in and we're driving. And as long as I don't hear another peep out of you kids, next episode, we're going to McDonald's. Yay! Yay! Yay! We're going to McDonald's! Mother, mother, fear me I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies, twisted in my mind And now I'm gone

All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Thanks so much for listening. If you're willing to support this podcast directly as well as get a dump truck of additional content in return, then check out patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads because starting at just $5 a month, you can get access to our thriving Discord community, The Peach Pit, which is an after show that we do after every one of these episodes talking about what happened, access to all of our bonus 3 episode mini-series, as well as musical albums, we've done an Indie Universe album for season 1 and 2, as well as documentaries, videos, audio, those are the two main categories of content.

You want more? Well, at some of the higher tiers, you can get merch store discounts, monthly hangouts, this is faster if you just go to patreon.com slash Dungeons dungeons and dads and take a look at what we have on offer. Dungeons and Dives' Matt Arnold is Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch is Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos is our DM, Beth May is Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, he did that opening as well. Brian Fernandez is our content producer, Ash Nicola is our community manager, Courtney Terry is our community coordinator, Sydney Denton is our merchandise manager, SRLs is our lead editor, Travis Reeves and

Omar Romolino provide additional editing. That Patreon I mentioned earlier, it's full of folks who put this show on their back. People like Logan Borchardt, Charles Sarrinson, Sonder, Lauren, Connor, Kengan22, Rumzy, Keaton Tremble, Impulse, Ben P, Delano Mack, Ty for the Mems, Chris Invid, Gianna Cook, Dumpling Defiler, Ryan Carroll, Hayes Finn, Chelsea Guelphur, Caitlin Lancaster, and Max Witt. Join their ranks by supporting us directly on Patreon, patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads, MerchantMore, dungeonsanddads.com, Beth's solo show, Beth Wants the D's, playing at the Hollywood Fringe and Edinburgh Fringe, ticket links in the episode description, and speaking of episodes, our next one is coming at you May 20th.

We'll see you then. But I'll stay today All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars I'm so under the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA