Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 26 - Wii Who Are About to Die

Episode Date: June 3, 2025

Everybody’s gone bowling, bowling USSR!This episode contains Profanity, Violence, Sexual Content, Drug/Alcohol Use.Info and tickets for Beth's solo show "Beth Wants the D":Edinburgh Fringe: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/beth-wants-dHollywood Fringe: www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/11775?tab=ticketsSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Dungeons and Daddies is brought to you this week by us! We have sold out to ourselves. Ladies and gentlemen, R U GAY! It's here, the Dungeons and Daddies Pride Zine! Wait, you can't be talking about Pride Zine and then open with ladies and gentlemen. Like a boy! Like a what? Bitches, bros, and non-binary hoes, are you ready for the best zine you've ever bought? Best zine you've ever seen is the Dungeons and Daddies Pride Zine, coming in hot! The Pride Zine, a lovingly curated explosion of color, creativity, and chaotic energy from all of our fan artists. You were about to say fabulous, weren't you?

Inside, you will find fan art. Why do we choose the least gay of us to start this? Hi, pretty long straight guy here. Boy, this looks like a fun magazine. What's it for? Cool. Page after page of fan art from seasons one, two and beyond. We've organized it by campaigns so you can avoid spoilers. This zine is a celebration of pride, fan creativity, of course, the truth that anyone can be a daddy no matter who you are or who you love.

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You'll figure it out. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Get me Buckingham 78338. Hello, yes, this is the Queen of England. Mom, it's me Ebenezer White. I apologize for calling so late. It's never too late to hear your voice, little chicken.

Ma'am, I'm afraid we'll have to skip the meeting. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm me Ebenezer White. I apologize for calling so late.

It's never too late to hear your voice, little chicken. Ma'am, I'm afraid we'll have to skip our sexually charged banter and prematurely come to the point. We've recruited the Gutteral Screams to rescue that mothfellow from the Soviets. Alas, one of the Americans, a Miss Kelsey Grammer, will only agree to terms if she never has to pay taxes again. I was wondering if you could pull a string or two? Oh, bother. This is a dreadful imposition, lover. But I suppose Mummy can make some magic happen just this once.

A kissy-bye? Mmm. Let's see. Who should Queenie call? Oh, yes. Operator, get me Pennsylvania 453. Connecting. Hello, this is Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th President of the United States. Ike, dearie, it's me, the Queen of England. Sorry for calling so early.

It's never too early to hear your voice, my special relationship. What are you wearing right now? Oh, you know. One of my fun little hats. Oh. But Ike, this isn't a social call. There's a woman in Nebraska named Kelsey Grammer that doesn't want to pay taxes anymore. Be a good little boy and make that happen. Anything for you, my English muffin. God, if I had some marmalade right now,

I'd spread it on your hot- Now, now, no time for that. Off you pop now, Ikey. Ta-ta. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr This is Richard Nixon, the vice- Shut up, Dick! Some broad in Nebraska doesn't want to pay taxes anymore! No taxes? She sounds like a pinko to me. You want me to- I want you to shut up and get it done! Kelsey Grammer, Nebraska, no taxes! You got all that? Yes, Mr. President. What's wrong, Dicky Bear? Oh, it's nothing, John F. Kennedy. I just wish he treated me better.

I'm not his errand boy. And if he wants this Kelsey Grammer lady to not pay taxes anymore, he can go to Nebraska and do it himself. Kelsey Grammer, huh? Tell you what. You go fix me a scotch, and I'll take a crack at her. Oh, very well.

Miss Grammer, this is John F. Kennedy. How you doing? JFK, my goodness. Wait a second. Is this about my taxes? Because even you can't charm me out of this one. I never try to, baby. Trust me, I hate paying for roads I don't use as much as the next fella. But uh, let's talk a little bit less about what your country can do for you, and a little more about what you can do for your country.

Okay, well, what do you have in mind? What are you wearing right now? A lovely purple frock with math equations stitched on it. Oh, mama! Welcome to Dungeons and Daddy's, not a BDSM podcast. Wait, what? This season, the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu actual play, horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America.

And. And. And. In Soviet rush. About to be anyway. Yeah, we're not there yet. Oh yeah, also, hey, team. I mean, yeah, yeah, you guys if anyone could manage to not get to Russia this episode It would be you. Well, you've never pulled out. I mean a DM could just say like you wake up and you're all in Russia

I don't do them like that. Do you okay? I don't do them like that DM styles all around. My name is Freddie Wong I play Blake lively the lively plumber Is so active and rich and Are you familiar with Mike diamond the smell good plumber in Los Angeles? Yeah, I thought was the weirdest He's like our plumber smells good This whole thing is he smells good unlike and then they invented a slur for other plumbers where they call them Bubba's He's like sorry ma'am, no bubbas here, just Mike Diamond, the smelly plumber.

I've never met a smelly plumber. I'm like, this feels like eugenics adjacent. That's all I'm gonna say. Feels like an old problem. Feels like plumbers have been smelling good for a long time now. I think this is one plumber just trying to fucking start shit.

How about market differentiation? Okay, wait, hear me out. A cologne marketed by plumbers. Oh, an O-Day toilet, if you will. Yes, a Pologne marketed by plumbers. Oh, I know a toilet Chanel number two am I right? This was Blake lively fact last time we spent some time in the bathroom of a McDonald's Blake to has spent a lot of time in bathrooms of McDonald's and afterwards You didn't catch this on the in the scene, but Blake was like, another one. Well, he was referring to what he was referring to was Blake has not eaten that McDonald's yet. Every single time some crazy happenstance

makes it so that he can't get a McDonald's hamburger. And he's like, you know what we're going to do, Freddie, cause we're banking a sort of backlog in anticipation of some summer events. So we can absolutely go back and add in you saying, well, another one like in the background of the last episode. I understand. It's not that like he's found himself at McDonald's only because like he needs to use a bathroom suddenly. It's like he's gone to McDonald's to get food.

He's gone to McDonald's and somehow every time has not got a burger. Last time he was like, now I will try this American treat. And he goes in and it turns out He's an immigrant he can still say I want to try this American treat Matt, I guess that's right the back story I say that every single time I go to the Taco Bell I know there's 2025 Matt can say all the shit that just comes into his head You know It's like on the plane when they're like is there a doctor on the plane like something goes wrong Like is there a plumber in this McDonald's?

Last time he went oh the toilet was backed up and he was like, oh, I guess I gotta fix this and then by the time They were done there I go we turned off the stuff and when it was the end of the day the time before that he went In fuck those people. Guess what you fix their toilet. You know, I'm a burger the time before that he went in guess what? What ice cream machine was broken? Hey Hey everybody, my name is Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey grammar Happiest and snappiest school Marm and you know what she always says look sometimes what sometimes teaching needs a sick day So just shut up and read your books. Oh, I'm good. Just just leave me alone. We talked about quiet ball, right? What? Yeah, sorry why didn't you your oh, yeah. No you yeah, you can do that

Whatever you want to do is fine with Teach, okay? Teach is just gonna lay her head down a little bit. A little peachy fact, a little fact about Kelsey. Real fact about Matt is that he's sick. He's got tummy problems. It's been a couple days. I'm a little worried. We're moving on.

A little worried? I mean, he has reason to worry given past events. But a little fact about Kelsey. When Kelsey gets sick, she turns into a big old baby. In fact, Roz and Miles knows when she's sick because she stops living at her place and she just shows up on the couch in their house and lays down and just, you know,

doesn't even need to ask anymore, just chicken soup, just being taken care of, she's hogs the TV. You know, fucking Milton's waiting on her. I know, well, you know, Milton loves it when Kelsey's sick. Oh no. Uh-oh.

Maybe that's why Kelsey gets sick so often. Oh no. That's the inverse of Munchaus Kelsey's sick. Oh no. Maybe that's why Kelsey gets sick so often. What's the inverse of Munchausen by proxy? Oh man. It's called getting poisoned. Yeah, there it is. That's so man coded of Kelsey. Yeah, I mean, you know.

You're responsible for taking care of me now. Hey, she takes care of kids all day, all the time. I'm sick, I hope this doesn't bring down the mood of everybody around me Not that nothing that Matt does that but men at large like I go hide the corner so nobody can see me. I don't want anybody I'm Anthony Burch. I play friends as far as worth a kid is trying his best And Francis's fact is that his favorite sport is quiet ball. Wow, I was actually really good at silent ball when I was in school.

Me too. What the fuck are you two talking about? Well, they call it silent ball in Europe and they call it quiet soccer over here. They call it hardies. So when it was either raining and we couldn't do recess or if the teacher just needed time to green, was hungover or needed great papers or if the teacher just needed time to grain, was hungover or needed great papers or needed whatever, needed a thing to do so the entire class

would shut the fuck up and they could just concentrate, they came up with the smartest idea I've ever heard in my life, which is quiet ball or silent ball, where you take like a four square ball and everybody sits on their desk. Dude, you played with a four square ball? Yeah, I went to a pretty good elementary school. Dude! And you throw it from person to person, You played with those four square ball. Yeah, I went to a pretty good elementary school

And you throw it from person to person and if you like bobbled it and it fell or you failed to catch it or whatever You're fucking out. You're out. You're out. You have to sit down in your desk Yeah, and because we're all sitting on top of our desk while this is happening Yeah, it fucking rules and so everybody shuts the fight and also if you talk you're out Yeah So what's great about it is the rules? Lawyering that you try to do without saying anything Were you like pointing to somebody's hands and then pointed the wall and like pointed the floor and like oh Yeah convey like you fucked that up. That wasn't my fault. So what's the incentive of once you are out? Yeah

What stops them from just going wow what's just awesome from yelling? Yeah, then you don't get to play the next game. Okay Wow very cool. Well, what was like the sad Francis version of this? Oh no Francis is state champion They needed the entire state of Nebraska to shut the fuck up for a second hi My name is Beth May and I play Trudy trout She's a homemaker a mother of one beautiful child, and she's a robot so Trudy has actually created her own competitor to the garbage disposal, which has just been invented.

But she calls it a spam filter. That's actually really good. I like that a lot. Pretty good. God. Yeah, because spam was also taken off in the 50s. Yeah. Yeah. But our disposal doesn't taken off in the 50s. Yeah. Yeah.

Garbage system pulls like, doesn't filter anything. Well, okay. It chews it up. There's a thing at the bottom. She said it's a competitor product! Matt! Can you imagine if your garbage system pulls only chewed up some stuff? And left some stuff back in the sink like, not out this stuff.

Some states in your sink. Well, it kind of does. Those are called forks. Yeah. And you find out real quick if one of those is in there Hi, everyone. I'm will. I'm your keeper the keeper of the secrets. I'm the keeper of the keys you know No, we have the key master. He's a we need to get that one. There's one key left Oh, yeah, we have it. We just don't know we have it. Yeah one key

I don't know why you guys haven't found it no I don't know why you guys haven't found it no matter how hard you try it. Well it's inside the body, but we had it. I already. Alright, shut up. This is my game and my fact today, my creepy fact is about, I don't know if this is creepy that everyone already knows this, the Dilatov Pass Incident. Oh yeah. Dyatlov.

The Dyatlov, pick up out them correcting me and put in me saying it the right way. No, no, make us three times louder. Dyatlov. Dyatlov. Dyatlov. The Dyatlov Pass Incident was an event in which nine Soviet hikers died in the northern Ural Mountains on February 1st or 2nd, 1959 under uncertain circumstances. Now they're pretty certain. Overnight something caused them to cut their way out of their tents and flee the campsite

while inadequately dressed for heavy snowfall and sub-zero temperatures. Inadequately dressed, they were naked. They were naked. Why were they naked? That's called, that's called. What did they see? Because of paradoxical undressing. No, apparently that's not what it was,

according to Wikipedia, where there's like fucking nine causes for why these people ran out all naked. Sounds like nine dudes were boning and scared by a bear. No, that's also not a thing. They also said. That's not a thing? No, Matt, they also said. Dudes don't bone each other. Here's one of the theories for why Bown in and scared by a bear. No Here's one of the theories for why all the Soviet skiers got spooked and ran out naked Possibly related to a romantic encounter that left some of them partially closed led to a violent dispute

Except this was refuted by someone who says that it's highly implausible because by all indications the group was largely Harmonious and sexual tension was confined to platonic flirtation and crushes I've never been more certain. I've never been more certain they were all fucking What? It had never occurred to me that they might be fucking until you read that Yeah, a hundred percent Yeah, I know they were like That's a conclusive evidence There were no drugs present and the only alcohol was a small flask of medicinal alcohol found

at the scene. Medicinal alcohol? And they had even sworn off cigarettes for the expedition. So you're telling me a bunch of hot Soviet skinkiers who had platonic crushes on each other were all cooped up in a tent with no alcohol and they all just quit smoking. Obviously they weren't fucking. No, obviously not. I mean it had to have been an alien.

It was aliens. No. It was an It was a little and slab avalanche anything it might have been parachute mind testing There's a lot of kooky theories They haven't really gotten to the bottom of this one the unknown mysteries what makes it all the spookier, but they were fucking They find the bodies yeah That's why it's so haunting because they would find like parts of the bodies and stuff yeah Oh, which is probably just like animals ate them after yeah Or it was an alien that fucked him yeah, and alien fucked them. Yeah To recap you all successfully out predator the apex predator of the planet Laniolos,

the Dollmaker. Using your quick wits, a lot of guns, a well-crafted scarecrow, and a shockingly large McDonald's order, you lured the Dollmaker into a men's bathroom, trapped it in a cage, and blasted its weak spot to smithereens with like 17 booby-trapped guns. Dude, this shit was like Monster Hunter. Yeah, part of Monster Hunter where you fight it for half a second and then it dies. You put a bunch of bombs. Yeah, you lay a bunch of...

No, this is like Monster Hunter Because what Matt told me about Monster Hunter is that the fun part of monster is laying elaborate TNT traps This is now like the end game of Monster Hunter where you guys are now where we have to fight him again the same monster I've never played monster. I Congratulations, you have gained the following items is like kingdom dad monster right now the doll makersormous corpse, which may have the third key you've been after in its entrails, although technically, Francis didn't hear that when he eavesdropped on Dr. Mann and Brian Mitchell in the McDonald's parking lot because Anthony decided to be funny and say he didn't hear that. We're gonna autopsy it for the venom anyway.

And I also wanna know if it ate anybody else, we should really check its stomach. Yeah, alright. Two, you also got the Dollmaker's mind control venom control venom which both men can use to create an antidote Oh, we have a man that no need to mess with the body Timmy Trudy's son however comma upon exiting the Golden Arches you and the rest of the free world Overheard the shocking news out of a little town called Persegovo grad in Russia It appears the Soviets have captured an alien spacecraft and its pilot who the Ministry of Propaganda has nicknamed Chellovac Matayuk, which is Russian for Mothman

Before we get started before we go into the next little traveling montage How good Blake Lively is it? Yeah? Yeah, I Play gets to play to bring his Nintendo switch. Wait, what do you mean only Freddy gets to play? I think we all took that medicine. so we all forgot how to bowl. Yes. We all got learned. What's bowling? Alright, you guys all want to do it? Yes. See you can't just bowl by yourself, it's bowling a team. I read a book called bowling alone that said it's not a good idea. Fuck. There are two ways to figure out how good you are bowling. There's the Freddie way and then there's the other way.

I'm not explaining a single other fucking thing, but the Freddie way involves playing the Switch. Do you guys wanna play the Switch? I wanna play the Switch. Okay. I wanna play the Switch. I'm not playing the Switch, just so you know. What are you doing?

I just wanna know what the other thing is. Oh, okay. The other thing is I give you a number. I'll play the Switch. All right. So here's how we're gonna do this. I asked Matt to bring his Switch and download Wii Sports Resort or what is it?

No, Nintendo Switch Sports. Yes, which has a bowling game on it, but it's not Wii bowling. It's not we bowled Yeah Cons are different than the Wii remote so here's what we're gonna do Everybody is going to get to roll two frames one to warm up and then one for your official score Okay, depending on how well you do on that frame I'm going to give you a number of dice that you are going to roll in the bowling mini game. We have coming up Okay, okay. It's an assessment. Is that bowling mini game also on the switch? No, that bowling mini game is rolling dice while playing call of duty on the switch, too

Do you guys want to fire it up and fucking go? Yes fire it up, baby Then let's play Nintendo Is this on the airplane this is just me as the DM Metaverse right now we're Zuckerberg's metaverse understanding how good everybody is ugly as fuck here. Why are their heads floating? Okay, we've now moved over to the other part of the room where we're all gathered around the TV We have on the floor. I see three, no, four eager bowlers lined up to test their metal.

First up is Anthony Burch as Francis Farnsworth. He's now going into his practice round. Anthony, how are you feeling? Pretty confident. I was great at Wii bowling. Oh, wow. Show us how it's done, Francis. Oh, and he's going in and...

It's just warming up. All right. He's warming up. Seven pins, he's knocked down seven pins. Good form. We'll see if he can pick up the spare. He's aiming, he's going in, he's rolling and... Oh, it's a spare!

All right. Now, Anthony, would you like to take the spare as your final score or would you like to go for a strike? I'll go for a strike. Oh, hell yeah, Francis, hell yeah. All right, Anthony has now passed his warmup round. He's going in for another roll to determine what his score will be

in the bowling mini game we're gonna play later. The windup, he's going down the lane. Ooh, another seven. Pretty much the exact same thing. Yep, consistency. Yeah, it's good. All right, let's see if the boy can lock in. Oh!

So Francis has scored a nine for his bowling aptitude. Trudy, you wanna do it? All right, let's see if the. It's just your warmup. This is your warmup, bro. This is your warmup, bro. This is your warmup. Okay. I do have to strongly urge all of our bowlers to use the wrist straps so that they can safely use the Joy-Con without hurting someone.

True, the girl who screamed was not a bunch of nerds. Matt, can you imagine how you would react to your brand new variable RTV? It's not my TV. All right, Beth, you got it. Beth is going in. Second round, warm up. What? I let go. Don't let go. Don't let go. Don't let go. Jack. You know what we always say? Hang on to the balls. Oh, that's just a warm

up. Good job. Your warm up. All right. All right. You only go up. You can go down. No, not her. Not Trudy. All right. All right. Beth's going in for her official role. We'll see how she does. You're watching all this, right? The tension is palpable. Here we go. Don't wind up. Oh!

Last split though. Six pins. We've got four left standing. Can Beth knock them down and get a better score than Francis? We'll see. All of our scores count. Damn it! An eight! Devastating! Could have been worse! Shut up, Will!

Could have been way worse! Shut the fuck up, Will! Okay. Matthew Arnold, who owns the game, I might say. This is Matt's game. This is Matt's game. I'm going to play this one forever. He's coming from the angle. He's coming from the ideal angle. Matt's coming in from a very different approach than everybody else. That looks great. That looks pretty good! Oh, but Wii Sports Bowling is a harsh mistress.

Eight pins. He's just locking in. See if he can pick it off. Oh, he's going straight down. He's not doing across the lane. He's going straight for it. We'll see if he can get these last two pins down on the left side. The roll.

You got it. That's what I'm fucking talking about. That's fair for Matthew. Now, Matthew, you lock in or you go for the strike? Oh, did I get a strike? No, you didn't. Okay, then I'm going again. Alright, here we go. This is the official roll.

Don't choke. The wind up. And she's down! There's the strike, ladies and gentlemen! Kelsey with a perfect roll! Woo, that was fun! Plank! Alright.

Come on, Plank, you can do it! Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. I have, you can do it. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. I have watched you all do it. Now I feel fairly confident that I know how to do it. All right, pretty's going in. He's lobbed the ball. Oh, it's this way, I see. Oh, that's not too shabby, another eight.

Now Blake, don't mess this up for us. We do this, we never have to pay taxes. He's trading, this is still his trading frame. Yeah, no, he's doing great. This is for your first one. Oh, another spare. I think I have a good hang of it. Are you gonna take it or no?

This sport is so interesting. You just throw. Who do you think you are? I am. Who do you think you are? I am. Here he goes. We've got our official role.

Let's go, Blake. Just straight on, huh? No, I'm- Just straight on, huh? After the fucking lesson he just got in. Kelsey, I would appreciate you not talking in my ear. You're right, you're right. Ooh.

Oh, it's Blake! That's right, Blake. Welcome to the team, Blake. Wow, very long. Blake Lively, a natural, his first time at the role! Wow! Okay! I mean, no shame on Tony, but can you imagine if Blake was on our team from the beginning?

So, Freddy cut out the part where I actually noted that the game... I don't know, I'm just pointing out what I noticed. What is that? Sorry, what is that? That was Switch. Nintendo Switch. So yes, we just got done playing. Wii Sports Resort? No, Nintendo Switch Sports.

And Beth has raised a technical objection, which I will now entertain before rendering my verdict. I think that the remote was set to a right-handed bowler. And that when I bowled with my left hand, I was at an automatic disadvantage that I was unaware of until I thought about it. Let me deliberate. The court finds in Will's favor. The proper time to raise this objection was before you rolled. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

I'm at an accessibility blog here. They're talking about how there is a primary hand setting in every sport That may very well be but the fact was that this issue was not raised at the time of the role and she had one Round to test it. You already had one round you had it They would be unfair for everyone else unless I'm gonna give it everybody else another round right now I totally get it. Listen, I get it. I get that it's hard to think about accessibility Requirements and so sometimes like it's more convenient to not think about that. I think I am so...

And Beth is a woman, so intersectionality comes into play as well. Alright, Beth, reroll. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Eight mile you only get one shot to not miss your chance to blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime And then can whoever's editing this put when I got the strike into All right, we're going back to the mines Hi, this is Will Campos reporting live from Beth's microphone She's now about to take her a second attempt at bowling with the new Readjusted hand settings for her frame. We'll see if this brings her up into the top bracket with the rest of the team. You make her look like Beth.

She's changed to Father Mysterious as her name for some reason that I don't understand. We're doing quite a lot of facial customization, which seems not germane to the adventure. Oh, Beth is now in a fetching red tracksuit. You can change her hair to blonde, surely, at the very least, that. We've gone into the face

And see hairstyle modes. We've really lost the plot here. I think that's Beth That's a Beth And here we go the wrist strap does fit on your left hand as well. There we go. Now we've got a safe gamer We're about to start the match. We wait with baited breath Beth is gonna have to do better than an eight for us to not make fun of her with baited breath. Beth is gonna have to do better than an eight for us to not make fun of her. Beth's locking in. The tension in the air is palpable. She's going for her roll. It's a nine! We'll see if she can pick up the spare. That should have been a strike. That should have been a strike. It's okay, that should have been a strike.

Tree, that's great. I'm so sorry that we didn't... Tree's not here. That's right, I forgot Tree's locked in. Beth's really zero we didn't She's not here Oh okay That's right, I forgot, Tree's locked in Beth's really zeroing in, she's taking her time here Her whole life has come down to this role And she clicks the spare ladies and gentlemen Beth, how do you feel? I feel great

Wow, now Francis did the worst Yeah, that's me Guys, I've never seen Beth so intense as a gamer Listen, I just want to say thanks Will Because you know, I know sometimes it's easier gloss over stuff like that. Maybe not pay attention to that, but you know. No, it's really strong of you to admit when you're wrong. That's the hard thing, is we all make mistakes. Beth, I appreciate you calling me in and holding me accountable to make sure that we did that the right way. So, here's what this all means. When we do our little little bowling mini game later the details of which will be revealed when that happens

You're getting two bowling mini games this episode One of them is the switch and the other one is dice and the other one is dice Seasons ago, we got five framers now if you thought listening to people play video games It was interesting wait till you hear him rolling dice So here's how this is going to work You each are going to get a certain number of D10s that you're going to be rolling based on how you guys did just there. So who got the strikes? I did. Kelsey did. Blake and Kelsey you are my superstar rollers. You

guys are gonna get five D10s to roll. Wow. So write that down. Five. And then we had Trudy picked up a spare. Okay. So she's gonna get four d10s to roll with hmm and Francis with his nine is gonna get three d10s to roll. Why was it you got like a six? You just keep going down to one one's the floor. I see so like seven or below. Okay Okay, so that is how good you guys are at bowling So now we pull out of the metaverse This is all taking place in Blake's mind as he's assessing everybody's skill levels as you think back on how good you are bowling Blake, what do you have to say for yourself?

I should have started on this sport earlier. I appear to be what they call a natural. You are never too late to start. And now you're part of the team. You're part of our team. Is this don't listen to any other team. You stay with this. This is where we should lock them down.

We should lock them down. True. Yeah. Francis, write it up. I'll make up an offer. Okay. So this is all happening as you are whisked away in the discreet British car Of our discreet British spy Ebenezer white and he drives you for a couple hours outside of town

So you find yourself for a couple hours. We stay in our dorm. Mobile. Sure you guys can take the dorm. Mobile. Alright Yes, you're all driving the dorm. Mobile. Would you like a cup of tea an American cup of tea, sir? I'd rather die Okay, we made it in the microwave. Ugh. He's gonna take 1d6 of sanity damage for hearing that. Fuck me, I guess. I'll take it, Blake. No.

Oh. Oh, fine. I just feel weird. We offered guest hospitality and now he's shitting on us. They're British. They're British. They're British like that. He directs you to like a big old cornfield in the middle of nowhere and you're like, but this is a cornfield.

And he's like, just keep driving. Yeah. you realize that like in the middle of the cornfield It's a road, but it's painted to look like corn from above So like it would look like corn normally, but you're actually just driving straight on a road. It's so freaky every look Look look outside looks like I'm driving on corn But as you can tell because we're not hitting anything, it's just a road. Who did this? This is courtesy of your taxpayer dollars. This is one of those many roads you wish you weren't paying for. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not paying for this road anymore. Again, I cannot stress this enough. I have no ability to determine whether you pay taxes in the future.

We should make a poster of Kelsey that's like the Armageddon poster, just says, Kelsey, she's in it for love. In the same way you believe in us, be able to get this done, I believe in you, be able to give what we request to get done. I trust you. You have my word that I will try. Francis, it just feels like, you're saying up front, so I'm just talking to you about this.

It feels like teachers don't get paid enough as it is. I agree with that. I just feel like I am what taxes should pay for. Honestly, yeah. You're like a road. Yes, thank you, that's all. It's feel like I am what taxes should pay for. Honestly yeah. You're like a road. Yes, thank you that's all. It's not that I don't want to I just feel like I'm doing my part. I agree government agencies don't have to pay taxes so why should teachers? Okay, okay. I just felt like maybe I don't want to be selfish like I want to help people. That's not extreme, no that's fair. I just you know. We all need to pay our fair

share to ensure the experiment works. They get into the concept of like a flat tax and maybe someone brings up the idea that's like well when you're rich You don't buy like ten more TVs. Well actually I Do enjoy buying multiple TVs mr. Lively you have all those people on staff. You're a job creator You should have to pay less taxes than anybody. Hey, that's a good point. I got a Girl Scout merit badge in creative bookkeeping. I'll take a look at your book sometimes I bet we can save you a bundle of money, and you have three houses. That's tax shelters right there You have fire insurance on the one that burned down right? Of course. Okay, we can work with that so you see these floodlights blast onto the cornfield revealing a

Massive secret airstrip and on this airstrip is a Boeing C97 stratofreighter I knew I was gonna hear the frantic sound of Freddy googling the second I said that And on this airstrip is a Boeing C-97 Stratofreighter. I knew I was gonna hear the frantic sound of Freddy Googling the second I said that. Whoa! A massive airplane capable of intercontinental flight. Whose plane is this? Which refueled by its,

well that's the Boeing C-97 Stratofreighter, Ms. Grammer. No, not what plane, like who, like is this Britain's? Is this, how? Again, courtesy of the United States government. Your tax dollars at work, Ms. Grammer. Oh! I'm not gonna be paying for this plane anytime The plane looks like a muppet it looks like a muppet looks like Sam the Eagle from the muppets if he was a huge plane The cargo door drops down. We'll say he pulls the bed for dormobile in if you guys would like to have a dorm

Yeah, plane. He pulls it right in and the plane rumbles to life and takes off and your journey to Russia begins You searched for your informant who disappeared without a trace You knew there were witnesses, but lips were sealed. You swept the city, driving closer to the truth, while curled up on the couch with your cat. There's more to imagine when you listen. Discover heart-pounding thrillers on Audible. Okay, so you have 12 hours on the plane.

I figure this is enough time for two actions, if you would like to have like a morning action and an afternoon action. That's the sound of a healthy bowel. Here's what I was thinking. You guys can choose to use your actions however you wish on this plane. You can try to lock in on your bowling a little bit more whether that's visualizing in your mind or whatever

What could we possibly get from that? We already got a strike you can justify to me how you would train for bowling and you roll for it You succeed you will get an extra dice to roll with because you'll have boosted your game Okay, you can also use this time to rest if you want to heal up some health points So you can do a double heal You could do a heal and a rest. Frances mentioned wanting to talk to the Lithuanian team. That would maybe give you an advantage on deception roles you might have to make later in the adventure, that kind of thing.

So I leave it up to you. You're now rumbling along across the Bering Strait at a cruising altitude. And the floor is yours. I got to heal. You want to all just sleep first and then maybe we talk to the Lithuanians. The drone of the plane makes me sleepy. I'm actually doing OK. I guess I'll practice bowling while you guys sleep.

OK, yeah, I'm going to rest, too. OK, so you're going to rest. So everyone's resting because it's a new day. You already recover one HP. And so with this next rest, I will let you recover an additional HP. Two HP. Why they're handing him out like Christmas! Francis, what are you gonna do on this plane to try to train at bowling? I'm going to look in, this looks like a big-ass plane which means it probably has like a galley of some sort.

What is a galley? Like a kitchen. Kitchen. Sure, yeah. So I'm gonna go in there and I'm gonna find as many bottles of pretty much anything. Let's say Coca-Cola maybe. Okay. And I'm gonna drink those obviously.

Yum, yum. Then I'm gonna put them all together and then I'm gonna find the heaviest- 10 cokes later. 10 cokes later. I filled one of them with pee just in case. And I take the biggest head of lettuce I can find. Okay.

And I'm going to use that as a simulacrum bowling ball. That's clever, I like that. Now, how are you and Brunhilde doing? I figure like maybe in the universe, the reason you're a little off your game is you're 12 hours fresh off of an amputated leg. Are you and Brunhilde working out your strategy at all? Like what's going on? Brunhilde, uh... Yas.

I have a strong suspicion that things are not gonna go awesome in Russia. Yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, yas, y Again, I don't need the freebie yet because I haven't used my one free shot I would just you know remember the Russians helped defeat Hitler so if I kill like a random Russian That's probably an innocent person so you should be psyched We will have to see if once a moment arrives. I have to be very clear about something I'm very killing innocent people, but beyond that I have no ideology. I'm just pro-murder. No, that's kind of an ideology I don't want to get into politics is all I'm saying. I'm just pro-killing people. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. People say they don't want to get into politics, always have a pretty clear political view. No, I get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like you're being a little sarcastic with me, yeah? Sounds like you're being a little libertarian.

Well, this is a good philosophy, as libertarians. Okay, there we go. They don't pay the taxes, I think. You guys were just discussing the merits. I had many things to say about the merits of tax policy, but no one asked Brunilov about g-sinks. Nope. Do you want to know what I think about tax policy, Francis no one asked Brunelovac. She thinks. Nope. Do you want to know what I think about tax policy? No, I know everything I need to know that he's a libertarian. Do you pay taxes? Do I pay?

I doesn't. Who says that? If anyone asks, just because I don't pay tax, does that mean I cannot have an opinion on the taxes? I think the taxes are too high for the services rendered. And I think that many of the things that the government spends its money on is not so good. It's a good thing I'm the one with the vote. Well, shit.

Gotcha! Strike! While that's going on, Kelsey. Yes? You have a dream. Oh, man. You wake up back in Zuzel's sexy mansion. You hear a spooky harpsichord once again playing downstairs. Alright, come up to me. Zuzel's sexy mansion. You hear a spooky harpsichord once again playing

downstairs. Alright come up to me. Zuzel! Yes. Okay you brought me here. You're from far away downstairs. Come to me Kelsey. Now I think I'm gonna stand by ground on this one. You brought me here. You can come to me. Fine! I don't need to watch you play piano. You hear a piano bench crunch and then you hear some stomping and then Zuzel comes into the room and tries his best to pose dramatically with a candle operatives This is already posed dramatically she got one up on him what describe Kelsey's dramatic pose to me I heard a billowy nightgown as a woman with great hair might flee a gothic mansion on the cover of a ball prom She's looking at like any of like the weird like gothic statues He's got mm-hmm

And there's like you know creepy looking like kind of vampire thing and she's kind of like leaned up against it in like a similar pose as that vampire thing. Zuzel is despite himself momentarily taken aback. Yeah, so what do you want? Kelsey and he sets the candelabra down and goes to brood by the window. He says, I know what you saw. Zuzel knows. Hey look at me when you're talking to me. He turns dramatically to you. You said the moonlight twinkles in his eye. He says, I

know what you saw there, Kelsey. Yeah, okay, you know. So you know. Now you know. I've been waiting for you to see with your own eyes. Yeah, I wanted to... The fates that will befall your world if the powers that be are stopped. But you're gonna destroy the world too right I am going to my I'm going to destroy part of the world the part that you're from peachy to save the world don't you understand Kelsey no I get it I get that world and my Kelsey do you know how gods are made um no of course you don't. That's a really good question. My mom never gave me that talk. How are gods made? Gods are made when the powers that be descend into a universe and you see your world. It's all about scale. You are but a

speck on an egg, a fertile egg waiting to grow into something monstrous and horrific. The earth is the speck gonna wait, the egg is gonna grow monstrous and the. The Earth is that. Wait, is the speck gonna, wait, the egg is gonna grow monstrous and the Earth? Is the egg. Is like this egg and he magically produces an egg. Well, it's more like a womb. The Earth, no, hold on. He produces a womb. The Earth is like an egg.

Okay. And the universe is like a womb. Okay. And the powers that be, the hour of the whole, they're like what the man does to the egg. Okay. They fertilize the earth. Yes. They will turn it into something putrid and horrifying

that will grow and grow and grow and consume this entire corner of reality. And thus a new God shall be born, causing the pain and destruction of every soul in reality itself. Yeah. There's only one thing that can stop them, Kelsey, me. You're the only thing?

I'm the only thing that's done it so far. So you've done this before. You've stopped them. I've done this before and I've stopped them many times. You're gonna destroy Pitchiville to stop the powers that be. My vessel, when I come into your world, in not that way, but in the way of me being summoned into the sea bearer, this ritual causes destruction. It is not that way but in the way of me being summoned into the sea bearer. Mm-hmm

This ritual causes destruction. It causes pain. It requires the sacrifice of many souls But it is the only way I know of to stop the powers that be I just ask you to wrestle with that to ponder the significance Of that Kelsey, okay, I require the help of mortals like you No, you're not the top the person who said you you gotta kill a bunch of people to save more people. I get your justification for it, but so just to understand, it's not like the land. Like I was thinking like, oh, maybe just ask him to like, you know, do whatever he's gonna do out in the ocean.

Then, you know, I would be sad about the fish, but it sounds like you need people's souls. You're going to kill a lot of people in order to save the whole world, but you just don't know if there's another way of doing it yet. You haven't found it out. Have you just looked't know if there's another way of doing it yet. You haven't found it out. Have you just looked?

Or are you just playing piano all the time? Do you have any research? You got all the books in the universe. Do you think I leave them unread, Kelsey? Do you think if there was a better way, I would not use the better way? Alas, I cannot think of anything. Well, we're gonna have to find a better way

because I'm not gonna let you kill a bunch of people. You're gonna have to save more people. Very well, Kelsey. Can I talk to my friends about you now? You. Feels like we've been doing this long enough that it would be nice to talk about you with my friends You can always hear that little stinkin Matt's voice when it's Matt talking through the character very well Kelsey But know this there will come a moment when you need to choose and you need to ask yourself if you have the courage to make a hard decision and

Ask yourself if you have the courage to make a hard decision. And that moment is coming soon. And then he blows out the candles and you wake up before you can say anything cool, back to him. Oh, I have so many things I was gonna say to him. Ain't that just the way? Ain't that just the way. You wake up, it's now the afternoon, you have one more prep phase.

You're now like over Uzbekistan. I go and I say, everybody I've been meeting with, Zuzel, can I say it? Yeah. It worked, I say, everybody I've been meeting with, Zuzel. Can I say it? Yeah. It worked. I can talk about it now. The thing you were trying to kill?

Sorry, what? Zuzel. What? I've been wanting to tell you for so long, but he put some curse on me. I couldn't talk about it. I've been seeing him. Like not seeing him.

Like going steady? No, I don't think he's ready for that. Pfft. Wait, that's a weird, no, I don't think, he's like, he's a thing. I'm ready for it if you are, Kelsey. He's like, oh my God, he's strange, but he's been seeing me in my dreams

and he says he's the only one that can stop the powers that be, which is great, right? We want to stop the end of the world. I sense a butt coming. Yeah, but the way he says, the only way he can do it, he needs a lot of souls. Like how many? And I guess it's gonna be Pichiville.

He didn't say it, but I think it's like all of Peachyville. So whatever that rate. And I was thinking, I know first question, I was like, oh, maybe not at Peachyville, maybe in the ocean, maybe. But fish souls don't count, I don't think. And then- Fish don't have souls.

The good book tells us that. Regardless, he's gonna kill a lot of people. You have been communicating with an eldritch horror who says that we need- And you don't think it's like the radio. Oh, but you heard, you hear? I don't- No's like the radio. Oh But you heard you hear I don't know it's different. No, this is different. I think it's yeah, it's different This is different because this is in my dreams. Oh And I can talk to it back. No, this is different

This is different because Zeus else in my head and I'm talking to Zeus L And the radio doesn't the radio is not gonna stop the powers that be but it is weird. This is also weird This is all weird things going on. But anyways, I just I feel really bad because you know, I always want to tell you guys everything It's just again. I couldn't say anything because it was in my head. Well, yeah, I'm sorry You've been carrying this and dealing with this Kelsey It's okay. This seems like a lot. Yeah, I'm mostly worried. It's not acceptable to kill all of peachyville to save the world I don't believe that's the answer, but he says that's the only way to do it. Well, we will find another way. Yeah Okay, I'm just worried that we kill zuzell or stop you know

When you said sure like that it made me think that maybe you weren't sure No, I want I want to find another way don't get me wrong I definitely do but like if it comes down to it, we can't find another No, I wanna find another way. Don't get me wrong, I definitely do. But like, if it comes down to it, we can't find another way. But we will. Okay. Listen to the boy, Kelsey. He speaks the truth.

He's talking to me now and he agrees with you, Francis. Oh, I don't love that. No, I don't. Yeah. This isn't happening or not, but it's really refreshing that I can tell you all about it. By the way, I know Radio Rick. And I can hear him because I am an ally, Kelsey.

Kelsey, why did you just gasp out of nowhere? What is he saying? You don't want to know Trudy? So the Bisons are they on Zuzel's side or not cuz they have a machine that can kill him The Bisons want to bring about Zuzel. Yes, they do. Yeah, so that's the thing It's like yes, the Bisons are bad because they want to kill Peachyville But now we know what they're trying to do is they're trying to bring up Zuzele to kill the powers that be. He's like a big warrior thing. Okay. I hate them enough. I can coast on that. I hate them enough that I'm not going to let them do their thing no matter what.

Yes. I don't think it's not right to kill a whole bunch of people. Sure. Yeah. I know even if it's to save the world, I mean, I don't know. It's a tough question. Just like, do you want to live in a world where the only way to save the world is to kill a whole bunch of innocent people? Oh, definitely not. Speaking of someone who kills a in a world where the only way to save the world is to kill a whole bunch of innocent people? Oh, definitely not. Speaking of someone who kills a whole bunch of people all the time to save the world,

I think the Zuzel chap sounds like he's got quite the right idea. Oh, okay. Why don't you go talk to him in his sexy lair with his piano. You had sex with him? I said sexy lair, I didn't say I had sex with him. Okay.

He plays the piano? He plays the piano, very good. Oh. Is he seeing anybody? He puts a lot of soul in it. Great way you could maybe broker an agreement. Did he mention me? You're all so hot for piano players.

Who's not? That Liberace, ba-da-voom. That man plays the piano. Yeah, if only he weren't on the girls exclusively. Okay. Man, Anthony with the Liberace jokes. And hold that in my pocket for five minutes. Yeah, only he weren't on the girls exclusively, okay? Anthony with the Liberace jokes and hold that in my pocket for five years All right another action right yes, you hear um the pilot speaking to

Ebenezer white and Yaroslava Baranova, and she's like we are approaching the drop zone prepare yourselves You have time to do possibly one more important Prepare yourselves you have time to do possibly one more important wait hold on Excuse me this is a new information Yes, you will be airdropped 50 miles from persicovo grad whereupon our driver will meet you at the local road And you should take the road into persicovo grad like you're gonna drop us if we're going to airdrop you how like we're gonna Jump out of the parachute. Yes,'re going to jump out of the parachute? Yes. You're not going to jump out of the parachute. You're going to jump out of the plane. I want to spend my action to figure out a way to like Fast and Furious put a parachute on our door mobile. So we have our door mobile down there. So we don't have to walk around in the snow.

With American plates! Yeah. You want to... We're going to be out in the snow! We don't want to be walking around in the snow! He just said that the driveway would pick us up. But what if he doesn't? then we all freeze to death? I like that idea. You like freezing to death? No, no, I like that justification for what you're gonna do.

Oh yeah, yeah. You wish to airdrop this car into Soviet Russia? Yeah. Okay. And you've installed this head seatbelt, so that'll definitely help us. Oh my god, is Russ still in the car? Where is Russ? Oh, we never even touched on that

Dr. Dog we cut back to Dr. Dog's and Milton is holding his mom's hand and she's better But she's like asleep because it's not an ordeal and Milton's not here. This is great. No, we didn't bring Right, no, no, the kids are not with you. They're not part of the Lithuanian bowling team It's only people on the team. Oh, yeah, I guess we go talk about the little I was gonna do Okay, let's talk to the Lithuanian. Get some Sorry. I do wonder where marbles is we have no idea where marbles Form of standards told her she was dead right that was the last we did was you guys were all lying to Trudy and pretending That marbles was dead. Yeah, I know that's not what I'm marbles died with hate We just didn't want you to get distracted we don't't know what happened to him. Beth, give me a hard listen roll.

I failed. You failed. You don't hear anything. Okay. I will say if all of you want to use your action, you can rig up the Bedford Dormobile with all your parachutes and gerrymander some sort of car parachute. I think Francis is right. They already have a car down there and I think since we have to pretend to be Lithuanian and

I know literally nothing about it. I didn't even know it was in Russia. Yeah, I don't know. Or part of Russia or something. He know literally nothing about I didn't know was in Russia Yeah, I don't know or part of Russia or that probably offended somebody. I don't I don't even know This is Kelsey talking Matt's respect photos a lot of the way to ya To hey get away from the computer! Put your hands up! Hands up!

You can say whatever you want, because all this is gonna be edited out. Hands up, Matt! Matt's talking, looking at his computer. Matt's looking at his computer, he's using the internet. He's not a real Lithuania stan. He's a liar! He's a liar! He's a third user or no Lithuania. Lithuania stan is another country! That's really funny! Thank you, Beth. My favorite part about Lithuania is as a hotbed for linguists and I

Think I've dated more than a couple linguists. Yes a couple of cunning linguists. Oh, you know You know and more than 80% of the country's 3.8 billion people speaks Lithuanian. I would have been more than that 3.8 billion people speaks Lithuanian? I would have thought it would have been more than that. Since that is the country. I would have thought more. The radio comms officer and Ebenezer White doodle some dials. They get on a secret channel that puts you through to the Lithuanian bowling team who are hiding out at a safe house on the border of Lithuania and the country that it borders. Interesting. And you hear like, oh, it's like that one of those ones where the guy's got like the

one ear up to the thing. Yeah. All right, you're now on with the Lithuanians. Go ahead. Hello? You're a woman, the one with the mic so you can translate? I think we can all hear this radio. We can hear this?

Yes, men can hear Lithuanians as well. Oh, thank God. And are you speaking English? Ebenezer White's like, one more thing I forgot to mention. And he pulls out, he's got these little sci-fi doodads. Just put these in your ear. Oh, OK. This is top secret spy technology

to make it so that you can understand Russian and speak in Russian. Don't ask how they work. It's very, very, it's a little alien. It's a little non-Euclidean. Just put it in your ear and think of England. Do Lithuanian speak Russian? Because it sounds like 80% of them speak Lithuanian.

I think they speak Russian. Many do as a second language. And I figure in the 50s probably more. This is a specific device engineered to let you speak Russian and Lithuanian. Oh, great. It's all the Slavic languages. No, it's just Russian. So he hands these little earbuds out to you.

Do you guys put the things in? Yeah. When you put them in, you hear like a tiny little alien leprechaun kind of guy. There's basically a very, very, very small alien trapped in each one of these devices. And at first they're like, please don't get me out of here. Help, help, help, help. Okay. But then like a little button gets pushed on and then you hear like a booyy and now

they're in some sort of mind prison where they're forced to translate everything. I'm gonna break mine open. Yeah, what? This is horrible. Do you want us people to wait in or not? No, not if it means there's a creature in here. What are you doing to us? I can pretend to be mute or whatever. I have no problem with the suffering of creatures as I eat meat. Then you'll talk for us, I guess.

Francis breaks his open. Do you break yours open as well? Yeah. Alright, the tiny little aliens immediately die because they don't breathe oxygen All right, do you have any spares or no that was it unfortunately at least I put him out of misery She's the last thing you hear the alien say as you just this tiny little alien It looks like the little guy in men in black like the little guy that's in the old Polish and he's like thank you. Oh he was thankful maybe I should bring mine too. I mean yeah it's up to you. It's up to you. It's everybody's personal decision. No I'll. Blake's gonna keep his end no matter what. Yeah okay. We know how good Blake is at talking to people. Yeah so we're gonna stop. We'll just. They say I have.

Be quiet and listen. The gift of gab., do you want to mercy kill your alien translator? I do. Or just keep it in your pocket. Don't break it open. Just keep the earpiece in your pocket. He's tortured, but out of sight. I know, because it's only torture. It sounds like it's tortured when they're turned on.

But then he'd be talking to me. He could feed it. Put little snacks in your pocket. But how do I know? He can't breathe oxygen, but he loves Doritos here Trudy if you don't want to take care of it Take care of it if you don't want to take care of it If I knew it was gonna die when I open it I would have opened it up I would have just kept it alive. So what you're saying is that suffering is okay as long as it benefits you in some way. We don't know if it's suffering.

Literally said thank you as I killed it. True. Why? Let's ask it. Let's ask. Azuzel's like, well, well, well, it seems like you're already wrestling with the sort of ethical dilemmas of putting suffering of one individual vis-a-vis the salvation of another. Let's just ask if I'd rather live in my pocket. I killed the alien. I'm sorry. I just. individual vis-a-vis the salvation of another let's just ask if I'd rather live in my pocket All right, so none of you can talk to the Lithuanians other than Blake. Yes. So Blake, you're now on with the Lithuanians.

Hello, Lithuanians. Hello? Who is this? It is I, Blake Lively. Blake Lively, you are speaking to the captain of the Lithuanian bowling team. It is I, Misha Barton. He says his name is Misha Barton. Oh. Do we have any questions, team?

I was thinking we could at least each of us use it like a fact that's specific to one of them so we can know exactly which one we're pretending to be and prove it with a weird fact about each of the person. Misha, please give four. Like a dad fact. Mish. Like the facts though they give us, we have to be able to express them without speaking now. Because the three of us can't speak. Or you have to be able to express them without speaking now.

Because the three of us can't speak. Or you have to remember all four of them. Yeah. But it'd be nice if we have like a little fun, like, you know, physical thing. Misha, give me one second. I'm trying to figure something out on this end. Take all the time you need. I shall talk to my teammates.

We need something fun, physical. Got it. Okay. Misha, as you know, we are impersonating your team. Yes. Are there two boys and two girls? Because that is what we have on our team. No. Oh, yes. Yes, actually, yes.

Oh, that works out with a relief. Now I need from you four specific non-verbal fun things, facts, if you will, about or mannerisms about your team so that we may ape you properly. Four? I see. You need four facts about me and my teammates so that if you will, about or mannerisms about your team so that we may ape you properly. Four, you need, I see, you need four facts about me and my teammates so that you can perform the role of being all of us. One fact per person, please. Well, our striker, not striker, our best bowler. Her striker.

She is a powerful wrestler back in home country. Her name is Sasha Banks. Sasha Banks? Does Banks. Sasha Banks? Your name is Sasha Banks and you are a powerful wrestler so do with that information what you will. Okay go on. Our oldest bowler she has many jobs before becoming recreational bowling league bowler. One of these jobs she was nanny she'd take care of baby. Her name was Fran dresser Fran So she's the oldest one. Oh You'd be the wrestler yeah, okay

Dress sure and then you are banks Sasha banks and our youngest bowler. He is very bright boy. He very talented read many books He is talented actor in home country many versatile roles. His name is Alexis Bledel. Oh my god. That's really good Francis that seems like the way cuter all of a sudden. What one more please? This is for you. Yes This is where the man will describe your physique to me. Well, I am Tall yes, well built interesting. I am, mmm, tall. Yes. Well built. Interesting. I am plumber.

You're plumber? Yes. This is not part of your physique. I do not... I consider it as part of my physique because it means I have a strong lower back. I as well have a strong lower back, friend. Okay, but... It sounds like you and I, if we had met in different times, could have been friends.

So I will share with you most personal fact about I, Misha Barton, that you can use is that I love nothing more than the taste of cold Lithuanian borscht, that delicious cold beet soup. I yearn for it in the summer days. There is nothing better than on a hot day than cold Lithuanian beet soup. Did you say beets? Ah, very good, very good. Problem everybody, this guy likes beet soup. I am allergic to beets. hot day did you say did you say beats ah very good very good problem everybody this guy likes beet soup I am allergic to beets okay well just you don't need to eat it to prove that you like it just say you like it just take a sniff go mmm very good I don't think we're gonna just like have beet soup well these are

pretty strange of the guards is had beet soup and they forced you to eat that if it's also their national dish It feels like most people like it So see it's pretty strange that the way you would separate out if somebody is somebody is just checking that be like hey Are you casting? We're eating a burger Yeah, I think you're good I think I can work with stomach have stomach problems How's like leave midway through yeah, how how allergic ah very bad? Okay? I turn red as a beat Ironic given the nature of the allergy so just turn red. I turn red because I cannot breathe Okay, oh, you could just tell them that you developed an allergy. Ah, yes. We have many options available to us

Okay, is this all we wanted to know about the bowling team? It's good for me Yeah, okay. Okay. Bye. Bye You're flying in low under Soviet radar and your Step the airdrop though. Yes, that's right. I did my research You're flying in a scant 200 feet above the hard deck above the ground Snow-Bitten tundra, the biting cold. You hear the pilot say, we're approaching the drop zone, sir!

Ebenezer and Yaroslava press buttons on the side of the plane and you hear those fucking sirens are going. It's just like the beginning of a Call of Duty game, right where it's like you're gonna fucking para-drop in. The door slams shut and they start handing each of you parachutes to put on. We all need code names. I am Soup.

Okay. Soup McTavish. on. We all need code names. I am Soap. Okay. Soap McDamage. Yes. Soap McDamage. All right, here are your code names for the mission. You boy, you are Soap. You, Soap, you, what was the third thing I said? Master Chief.

Master Chief. You shall be Master Chief. And you Trudy shall be... I thought I was Sasha Banks. Lady Hanger. Though you also have, now remember remember this is just your code name for the mission You also have your me your name that you need to remember for the love of God Don't forget your Lithuanian name. They'll shoot you on sight the very suspicious What was mine?

You you were friend gesture Sasha banks me she barton Alexis Liddell he clips you into this is like one of those, because sometimes you gotta pull the chute. This is one of those ones where you're clipped into a little line and you jump out. It's very simple, gravity does 99.9% of the work. All you need to do is make sure you don't break an ankle or break an arm on the way out. Here we go, good luck, God save the queen,

and pit pit, Bob's your uncle. He shoves Francis Yu out the door. And your parachute goes off Francis didn't get you but he do each of you want to say something fun before you jump out I just get my black widow suit on And then I jump is it halo to what's the one that starts with the message you like flying through space I don't know. I can't remember but I I'm doing that. I just, you know. Master Chief who doesn't, does Master Chief talk?

Yes. But you just don't see his face. Yeah, he talks like this the whole time. He's even in a TV show, you see his face and he talks. Damn, Cortana. I wait for the two cameramen, the one cameraman who is filming me for Mission Impossible and the cameraman that is filming that cameraman

to come out with me, out of the plane and film me falling. It took Beth months to rehearse this low altitude jump for this episode of the podcast, which she does all her own stunts. Blake, you're the last one in line. I go, whoopee. So you all plunge out of this plane into the inky black night.

The shoot deploys successfully, but I do want to roll to see how well you land. So everybody give me a dexterity roll. I did not succeed. 72. Barely of a success. I fail. 22 out of 57. I super succeeded.

Okay, great. Just like Master Chief. So Kelsey somehow lands first. Somehow. Fucking know what I'm doing. She sticks the landing beautifully. succeeded. Okay, great. Um, so Kelsey somehow lands first. Fucking know what I'm doing. She sticks the landing beautifully because you got a super success. You're in parachute just also.

I've landed. So yes, you, you land beautifully and radio to the pilot of the airplane, Cortana, who says, great Blake, you land next. Also, none the worst for wear. We'll say Trudy on the way down, you sort of like clomp onto the ground and you sprain your wrist I'm gonna need you to go ahead and remove one of your bowling dice Cool, but what if I sprain my right wrist? She has a point the point point will And you know, it's very easy to just gloss over

these requirements. Give me a luck roll. Okay. I did get lawyered. When I get lawyered, I gotta admit I got lawyered. I failed. Alright, you sprained your left wrist. Anthony, we'll say that you sprained your ankle. Not the Brunhilde ankle. Brunhilde kind of realizes you're coming in for a rough landing

so she manages to exert her willpower over you to swing her leg up so that she doesn't get her barrel jammed straight into a rock And then you roll your other ankle. Thanks asshole. Well, thank you for landing bad. Yeah, you got me there You are also going to lose one dice. Okay, so you guys are now in the field open world. Whatever you want open world Where's Russia? Let's find this driver. They dropped you out with a map and a compass and you can follow the road north. It's about a 20 minute trek through, you know, darkened fields. They flew in low, but it's pretty hard to hide a massive airplane like this. So you do start to see planes flying overhead as they're trying to scout, but you manage to find the road and after a little bit of waiting, a pickup truck pulls up and you see a haggard looking Russian man pulling up to you. And as you see him, you flash back to the thing I forgot to say, which is Ebenezer briefing you. Now remember, when you meet

our operative, he will address you with the following code phrase. He'll look at you and say, Are you the guys I'm here to meet? To which you will respond, yes, we are. And then we flash back to this guy pulls up and he says, are you the guys I'm here to meet? Fuck, I don't remember. Yeah, that's us. You guys don't understand him. Yeah, we're here.

Well, yes, we are. And he nods to you, Blake, in motions for you to bring your team inside. OK. It would probably be best if we don't pretend to be able to speak their language. Oh,, we gotta be quiet. It is I, Sasha Banks, and I speak English. It's okay, I am part of a team, I am also a spy. I'm Franz Recher, and I speak English as well as Lithuanian, but I prefer English right now. English! Because I'm trying

to learn it. Because I'm gonna study abroad. This is something you plan on telling the KGB when you meet them, yeah? I'm just practicing in case something happens. You must admit, Fran's accent is spot on. Yes, this is a good American accent. He points to there's like four duffel bags in this truck with you, and he's like, There are your clothes! There are the Lithuanian bowling team clothes! Please find your passports and your bowling equipment!

Um, I can't walk. Could somebody carry me? We're in a car. No, I mean, like after we get out of the car and also help me into my clothes. Yeah, I can do that. OK, cool. I'm supposed to be a nanny. Hey. And I'm an actor. Yeah. I'm doing a documentary.

No, no, I'm doing a biopic. And the first time I left rifle foot. Oh very nice Blake can you ask him if he has any like milk? I guess melt yes Have you any milk? Of course every Russian trucker has a big case of milk in car And he opens up a glove compartment and gives you guys four fresh bottles of milk. Just give them all to this gal.

Kelsey, you want to carry four bottles of milk? I can't speak and I'm going to have to prove I'm a nanny. Very well. Very well. Yeah. Oh, who's dumb now? Oh, you laughing at me? I still don't understand the plan. I have to show I'm a nanny. Okay. So they ask what I'm up to. You'll show them four bottles of milk and they'll go. Oh, okay. Don't make me laugh my head hurts

I'm going to Think back to you look Yes, you're gonna pretend to be an actor that can't speak Lithuanian, okay Express that I'm a nanny. I'm trying my best here Francis. It's a stressful situation I can't speak the language we have to pretend to be this polar and at least milk is Okay Just has on them at body temperature at all times. Right? Like you can, it's easy, you can be a wrestler.

I'm like what? You're gonna be a wrestler, you can just like choke hold somebody and be like, Oh, I can't talk, I'm too busy wrestling. Oh! Trudy, can you choke hold somebody? Well, how hard could it be? To not kill them? Difficult. And as you say that, the sun is starting to rise as you crest a hill and you behold below you the town of Percy Copacabra. Kill them? Difficult. in Russian that none of you understand, but Blake, you kind of get it. It's like a, hey, who are you? Who are these guys? And he's like, this is Lithuanian bowling team.

It's not interesting. Normally I would just go yada, yada, yada, but you understand it. So I feel honor bound to tell you that you understand the conversation. I understand everything. This is truly a great device. This guy hands your documents to this guard

and he looks at them over and waves you through. The truck pulls in past the gate and stops and the back doors open. And this rather cheerful looking Russian officer, he's got like pinkish skin, it's kind of peeling a little bit, it looks like he's been getting a lot of sun. He smiles at you and he says,

okey dokey, everybody out. Oh yes, he wants us to get out. What, why? Who is this? What language is this? Why do you say why in English? Why are you talking, what language is this? My, and I'm speaking Lithuanian,

my wrestling teammate has a Meet in an English speaking country and she is practicing Ignore her yes, I am keeping Keefe He's looking through these uh Oh kaboom kaboom! And he starts giving her some milk Oh oh Doh doh doh doh doh doh Tell them I'm the nanny

Ah that is of course as you can see very plainly The nanny Drink the milk Trudy You must be friend Thrasher Yeah? He hands you your passport Just the way Lithuania very odd country yes And he just kind of puts the milk down and you must be Sasha Banks and you two are Misha Barton

Yes, and the young one What is his name? Alexis Bledill. So he hands out your documents. He has a cold. And then motions you to come out of the van. Oh. Okay, now that means we need to get out of the van. Yes.

I figured that. Okay. Puppies, please. Oh yeah, I'll carry you. Thank you. Like a baby. Why is she carrying this one? She is a nanny.

Oh. That does not explain I quit the milk I give up the milk he is a method actor I'm an American baby I'm the boss ah yes his propaganda film about how American teenagers are like babies yes

I appreciate the dedication to humiliating America. You have figured it out. Both boss babies. Yes, I've heard of this film, The Boss Baby. This is about how Eisenhower is a big baby. I'm Eisenhower, mwahaha. Beware of the military industrial complex. What a fucking idiot, right?

A 95% tax rate will actually make America pretty cool. You hear Bernhilde twitch at you saying that higher taxes would be good. Come here please, come come come. So he brings you out and he says, welcome to Percy Kovograd, Lithuanian bowling team. You are here for tournament, yes? This man shall be your guide. Listen to everything he says. He shall take you to your living quarters.

He shall take you to the match. Do not disobey him and stay out of trouble He points to this rather dashing looking Russian officer He looks vaguely familiar to you guys But you can't quite put your finger on what it is and he says this is your guy role for this is like a no-roll We'll say yes, I felt I did not okay anybody else. Let me try I got 80 no, I'm too locked in I won't even try. Oh, I think I do my no is 65 and I got a 31 31 I'm gonna be stingy and I'm gonna say you can't clock exactly but this reminds you an old friend of yours Anastasia, so what?

He says this is your guide sergeant Kolotov He will show you to your quarters and make you sure you stay out of trouble and sergeant colotov looks How could you make me a mocktail a mocktail colotov mocktail? Me narrows his eyes at you and he says yeah, that's really good The death alacrity Anton Coletov nods to you and says come with me come with me Yes, come on this way and he leads you to his Jeep. And now you get a fun little tour of the town of Burtsy Kolpagrad. Oh, wow. It's just like America, except instead of suburbs. I'm just going to break character and talk about something that I love. I'm obsessed with these buildings

in Russia called Khrushchevkas. They tried to solve their homelessness problem by just like absolutely building the shit out of houses. They're like, what's the fastest building we can build? Well, it can't have an elevator because elevators are pain in the ass. So like, all right, structurally, the highest building we can build is like two, three stories and we can just pack the shit out of them with rooms. And that's why there's all these big like block buildings in Russia that look the same is because during the 50s and 60s, they would crank these things up. And because Khrushchev was the one who spearheaded it, they were called Khrushchevkas.

So you see some Khrushchevkas. And now because we're in a closed city, and this is another real thing, is they had whole Soviet cities that weren't even on the map, like all over the place, where they would do crazy secret shit all the time. But like, this is a nice Khrushchevka. The rooms are like 300 square feet, as opposed to like 200 square feet.

Like this is pretty primo. So he's driving you around, he points out the Khrushchevkas, he gives you this lovely history of what they are, and he says, ah, yes, this over here, this is the cultural center. This is where you'll be playing your game. And you see kind of like those yurt things that you'd get in school when they're doing renovation.

Like it's like a semi-permanent military structure. But this is their recreation center and their cultural center where the bowling match is going to happen. He drives you past there. Says, over here we have the workers club where you can grab a pint of ale and meet some of the locals if you wish and Here and he drives as you around a corner you see this big Concrete block of a building and looks extremely nondescript But there's a little bit of extra security says this is building 21 where the bulk of our scientific research is performed

If you win your tournament tonight, you will be granted a rare audience with the building director Ah, here we have the residential complex. And he pulls you up to one of these stately Khrushchevkhas. So he leads you in and everybody in this place is just like very happy to see you guys. From every door and window you see cheerful Russian scientists and their families peeking out at you, waving.

We are some sort of heroes. Smiling. This is very creepy. I wave back. Their skin is peeling ever so slightly off their sunburned cheeks and noses. That's fine. No, that's a good, even snow. I always thought the first time I went skiing I was like, I don't need sunscreen. And it's cloudy, but still do. Oh. These people should, hey. These people need moisturizer. Yeah, you gotta teach them about sunscreen. None of them are saying anything, but they're all

very, very happy that you're here. That's nice. And you're led into this tiny little apartment and he says okay your bowling match is in one action from now you have free reign of the place but please you know ask me if you want me to take you somewhere I'll be happy to take you there but I must have you under observation at all times. I would be waiting right outside the door and Sergeant Kolotov closes the door. closes the door. You have to win the bowling competition, right? Yes. And then we get to where we need to go. Yeah.

Which is the chemical science lab, which I guess we could try to sneak in, but that feels like maybe risky. Feels like every step outside we do is another chance for me to have to hand milk to somebody and question why I'm doing that. You could just not hand milk to people. Well, I know, but then they may ask a question and then what do I do, Francis? Well, hand milk to them then. I know, I'm just saying.

Wait until you see they are- He can cover for us. He's been doing okay so far. Just wait until someone looks at you suspiciously and answer the suspicion with one of your milk bottles. Okay. Oh, wow, there are beds in here too. It's just like home, it's just a little bit different. Yeah, most people sleep in beds. We could also go to the bar and see if there's any hot goss, any information we could use.

Oh, I do love hot goss. That's true. What if we did a four-way party split? I don't know about that. You guys can do a four-way, I promise I will resolve them quickly. I was thinking we could just sleep and then go bowling because there's literally no reason for us to do it. Like we bowl and then we get to where we need to go. Like when Robin Hood went to the competition, they didn't stop.

They'd be like, you know what? Before this competition, I want to go test out my disguise and just see if more people can recognize me before I do the thing. That is a good point. I do feel like if we went to the bar and learned things, see, hot gossip to me, that's just encrypted messaging, as I said, and nobody was impressed before, but I think that is actually very useful, and that I might be able to pick up on things that people are saying.

Well, look, I heard Trudy's really into hot gossip. I mean, look, if my girl wants to go to the bar, I'm not gonna let you go alone, so I'll be I'll go with you I'm just saying that the milk thing maybe they don't want us bringing in our own liquids. Oh Okay, give me a moment to think about what to do if somebody's gonna question whether or not I'm a nanny if I'm with you I'll be on your back, and I could just be like man. You can like soothe me okay, and to be clear We're we're not afraid of um And you can like soothe me. Okay.

And to be clear, we're not afraid of smirching the name of the Lithuanian team, clearly. Well, I think anything will add to their mystique and their mythos. I mean, let's not call attention to ourselves. Let's just go in and see if we can hear hot coss. I have a gun for a leg. See if we can hear hot coss. We'll put on long pants. That's a good idea.

I hadn't thought about that. There we go. We're solving his problems one at a time. Yes. Okay. Let's go see if we can find hot coss. Let's go to the bar. We mingle. I do There we go, we're solving his problems one at a time So you go to the Workers Club, which is it's like a pub basically wins the bowling. It's right after this act, right? That's it. Yeah shit some bowlers like to loosen up before they play well, we could get him drunk Yeah, exactly. Let's send them more beer or drinks or whatever. Yeah, get them. I've been careful Kelsey

Maybe this might be their pre-game ritual. Did you folks have a pre-game ritual? What if we... Oh, this is bad, whatever I'm about to say. What? Milken? I don't think we should do this, but can I just say it out loud? Yes, please.

I really don't think we should do this. Okay, now I really want to. It sounds like better and better an idea. We do have... Venom. Venom. Now I really want to sounds like better and better an idea. We do have venom For the world we're trying to save we're not gonna make them kill them well well Kelsey It seems like you're already compromising. Yes, Kelsey. It's to save the world. It's to save the world, Kelsey.

If your solution was to get everybody sleepy for a bit to save the world, I'd be fine with that. It's the killing people that I have a problem with. We'll just control their minds. Oh, Kelsey, I don't know if that's the right thing to do. I just... What? Are the optics of drugging someone's drink great?

No. Are we going to someone's drink great? No. Are we going to make them hurt themselves? And what if we accidentally use too much venom and we can't save Timmy? We're not gonna use too much venom, we got the whole body back. Yeah, no, we have to win the competition. Also...

That thing had sacks on sacks on sacks. Trudy, would you feel better if they were okay drinking it? Yeah, like if we coerced them into drinking it, not knowing what was inside. No, you know, like be like, pfft, you guys think your beer here is so tough? I like the way you're drinking it.

Our Lithuania, we drink, we drink venom. Lithuania shnobs. And we handle our shit. That's not bad. And then it's on them. Well, one of us then has to drink the venom. Well, that's easy. You just pretend, you're watching.

Ooh, look, hey, look, there's venom in this one, and it says a cup of water and I drink it. You know, you just drink them. Plus, I already have the venom in my brain, so. Oh yeah, it says a cup of water and I drink it. You know, you just drink them. Plus, I already have the venom in my brain. Oh yeah, it doesn't hurt you. I drink it. Yes.

Yes, Trudy, you are being a robot. She's a tough wrestler. That makes perfect sense. Yes. Trudy, I think we make them think that you are like one of those tough wrestling ladies who can out drink all the people here and then we'll set it up You can take out that new accent for a stroll quick Hit me with a chair when we go in So tough, I'm actually liking this plan more

So how many bowling teams are there here? So your tournament is against the other two top bowling teams in the Soviet Union the Moscow Mules and They got the name from. The Night Witches, who were an all-female ex-bomber team turned bowling team. Cool. From the Clone Wars. Okay, well, when they go there... I don't know! If we're poisoning all women, I don't know! Nope, but we're telling them ahead of time.

So it's their fault when it happens. Look, I would feel bad if the purpose was that we were cheating to win the tournament. That's true. But we're trying to get to this. We're cheating to win the tournament to save the world. And to save the world. Okay. Where we go in, I just grab the nearest vodka bottle and just smash it on your head.

Okay. You guys go in. Anton Kolotov, Sergeant Kolotv, lets you into the bar. And yeah, it's a sort of smoky, dingy pub, people playing darts. It's pretty quiet in here. You do see the other two teams kind of all huddled around pints.

Like they're all trying to get themselves pumped up for this match. What would you like to do? I grab the nearest bottle and I smash it over Trudy's head and I go, Nostrovia! Nostrovia! Okay. Ha ha ha ha, these drinks are tiny and puny compared to

true Lithuanian schnapps We have a bottle of it right here, and if any of you losers can out drink Blake checks his notes. Sasha Banks over here Why you would be the talk of the village? Sasha show them what you mean break a chair break a chair Oh, I break. I throw a chair at her Share I've break it over to Trudy's back. So the first thing we're gonna. Do is roll for Francis breaking a bottle over Trudy's head so

Consequences William my fighting brawl is 71 and I got a 52 okay? So trying to make the bottle break somehow you smash the bottle on her skull I feel like you need to roll damage for this right how much HP do you have? My damage is 1d3, so I can't possibly kill you okay. I have five you have to healing after healing yes after healing I have five I do one damage to you. So yes, to paint the picture, everyone's having a beer, they're sipping quietly, and then they see a young boy. Is Kelsey still holding you? Yeah.

You smash a bottle on Trudy's head, and then everyone looks up and they're like, Holy shit, like what's going on? And then before anyone can sort of jump Francis for assaulting this woman, Blake Lively steps in and gives his little speech about how all these drinks are for weak babies and Then you're gonna give me a fighting blow. Well now that I know it was gonna hurt her. Mm-hmm We also know that it worked. Why would you even smash a chair on her anyway? Yeah, after everybody looked at us I'm about to swing it over her head And then I stopped realizing it could hurt her and I stopped again realizing I can't speak

Just do like a Tuscan Raider thing Reza could hurt her and I stopped again realizing I can't speak Oh, I look at her like oh, I so want to do this, but she's too tough because she's drinks Trudy flash of an intimidating gaze. Oh, I stumbled back and then hand her the venom juice like that's what she wanted. Yes, and I look very intimidatingly and I say, in Lithuania we drink the mind poison, mind control. Yes. I don't know if you need to tell them that. I don't know if you need to say all that, Trudy. It's okay, they can't understand her.

Keep going. Informed consent is important and and we Yes, we will want to mind control you first thing. We're gonna do everybody give me a Persuade role and if one of you succeeds this will work in sufficiently impressing everybody I use psychology or persuade or fast talk no because you're not bluffing and there's no you've already laid out the psychological dimensions 92 that ain't happening Okay, I got a 43 and I'm gonna spend three luck to make it okay. My persuade is 10. I rolled a 15 I will spend five luck actually well see what happens with that first

I have 55 persuade and I got 16 perfect, and that's a super success, okay, so you don't need to spend any luck I don't think I'm not gonna spend luck Here's what happens. Francis bashes Trudy on the head with this thing. Blood sprays everywhere, and everyone is much more focused on the fact that Francis seems like a fucking psychopath who just assaulted someone than they are impressed by the fact that Trudy got hit.

Then Blake gives his speech, which is totally unconvincing, and then Trudy, you failed as well, right? With your glower. I will spend luck if it is an individual thing. You guys are gonna succeed. Okay. Trudy then glowers at everybody and is clearly in so much pain

that she doesn't look that tough. Like it's like the blood is mingling with the tears in her eyes from getting quacked like this. That makes it even more intense because if you weren't in pain, they'd be like, that was just a fake thing. But like, wow, she's in pain. You know what it is?

They mostly pity her. They mostly pity this poor woman. Who are these people that are abusing her what's going on, but then Kelsey raises this chair and is about to hit her and then recoils in horror and somehow This is the thing where they're like, I don't know but that other lady bigger than her and she was gonna hit her And then she didn't so like I don't know this seems like a pretty serious customer over here And I gave her the juice that clearly We've now established amongst all of us mammals because human beings are just animals.

We've established a hierarchy and we now know that Trudy is the alpha. Trudy has the juice. And his juice is what all want. I grab two glasses and I slam them down on either side of the table. And then I point at the middle of the table and sort of just ring at you to slam down the venom

in the middle. The universal sign for drinking contest. I slam it down. Oh, that's when you keep some for Timmy, right? You said we had some at the- We do! slam down the venom in the middle. The universal sign for drinking contest. I slam it down. Oh, that's when you keep some for Timmy, right? You said we had some at the- We do! Oh yeah, we got some more.

We do, we do, I just wanna make sure. I never know what Will's gonna pull on it, so I'm just putting them all out here in the record. That's just covering his bases. First in the McDonald's bathroom, now in Russia. All right, Blake, Trudy just said a whole bunch of things about mind poison. Are you gonna translate to give context

to what she's asking them to do? What's going on? She has challenged all of you to out drink her. Everyone in the bar? Just the bowlers. Just the captains. Alright, everyone in the bar. Alright, drink on everybody and they all come up to take a shot.

It's kind of suspicious if we... No, we're going up against them. It makes perfect sense. It's a competition. No, just the bowlers. Just the bowlers. I'm disappointed. If you want to try...

After the bowlers. After the bowlers. All of us against all of you to drink, eh? You are not listening to me. You said just the bowlers. How many of us bowlers do you want to drink? What is this? Sasha Banks here is taking on all comers. Okay, yeah, you know what? We'll do an elimination tournament and we'll all go after Trudy.

Yes. She's gonna out drink all of you before we even get to one of us. Is what she just said. Trudy? Who after Trudy. Yes. Yes. She's gonna out drink all of you before we even get to one of us. Is what I'm telling you. Is what she just said. Trudy? Who's Trudy? Sasha Banks. Sasha.

Sasha. Alright, so you want each of us one by one to out drink this Sasha. Good luck, idiots. Yeah, tell them to what? You probably can't even do it. Nevermind. Nevermind. Ah, very good. Ah, nevermind. It's more a Shelbyville idea.

It's clearly nobody in this bar has the guts and gumption to do it well team Let's pack it up and go home So you see the Moscow mules and the night which is all sort of hushed tones talking amongst each other trying to figure out Who's gonna take this challenge on they don't want to look like wusses in front of the Lithuanians So they each point out their biggest guy this big hulking guy with a big Joseph Stalin mustache named Broseph Stalin comes out and puts his big meaty fists down on the table and glares at you, Trudy slash Sasha.

Similarly, a real tiny lady from the Night Witches but like the most fucking hardcore. Like she probably bombed the most people over there. She's like the clearly the renegade. She's ready. She's in without orders Just a war criminal She comes up to the table as well and the two of them are gonna go first And so they both tapped the table and they're like, let's go. I pour three glasses you pour three glasses Okay, we're gonna say that you have two-thirds of the venom left now.

Oh, I go, oh my god. I make them like, what have I done? That's too crazy. I pour out a third of each of the glasses because it's so strong. I'm like, oh sorry, so crazy, so crazy. You only need a little bit to feel this. Should we cheers before drinking? They don't understand what you're saying, but they get that they should cheers you. Cheers to gutter balls, because that's like mind control stuff. Maybe people think of that and... Control rasama. Yes. And then they all pound back a shot.

Okay. So here's what we're going to do. We actually don't know what this does, which is great. We're going to say that because of the bigger guys on the team, Broseph Stalin has a 70 constitution, and the unnamed witch has a Constitution of 72 because she's got the guts for the job. And they're both going to need to make an extreme check to not be affected by the poison. Trudy, because you're a robot, you will have to make a regular check to not be affected

by the poison. Or rather, because your brain is encased by this, but it is still pretty strong stuff. What is your Constitution score? It is 50. Go ahead and make a Constitution roll for me. I'm gonna roll. Oh no. Oh no. 81. Okay. They're gonna roll. Trudy, we wouldn't have made it to it if I thought it affected you. It was in your brain already. Broseph Stowell failed his roll. The night which failed her roll. Unfortunately,, the night which failed her role.

Unfortunately, Trudy also failed her role. That's fine. That's fine. So here's what's going to happen. All three of them, because you only drink an itty bitty bit of the poison. All three of you are prone to suggestion for the next hour based on whatever Blake says right now. Tell him to break it. I know that and they don't know that. Yeah, but it's still going to affect you. That's true. He's going to stay in Lithuanian or in Russian. whatever Blake says right now. Tell him to break their fingers. You can give them a short.

But I know that and they don't know that. But it's still going to affect you. That's true. But he's going to say it in Lithuanian or in Russian. Or just to them. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't have to say it to Trudy.

He can't speak Russian. Fuck you, God damn it. Tell him to break their fingers. So whatever I say next is getting an influence on these guys. Yes. You're the ultimate influencer. I'll give you one sentence to say right now, whispered under your breath, that will affect their performance based on your suggestion during the next match.

You can also tell Trudy something as well. Trudy was all- How did Trudy react to the- do I see visibly that- Oh yeah, Trudy just like stands up straight and is like, wow, anything could happen. I enlivened the waning without realizing that same. I see that Trudy's like a little like at attention, like looking a little strange. I go, oh, oh no, lean over to the right a little bit more, Trudy's like a little like at attention like looking a little strange. I go, oh, oh no Lean over to the right a little bit more Trudy

Yes, I think I will Next thing anyone says to Trudy she will take a little lean and we'll go into her bowling skills. It will affect her Trudy Yes, you're a real person and you can do it. Wow. All right, Blake, you've done a lot of work to get this. Don't fuck it up. Whisper it to the two best players. Something that's going to make them bad. No, I did. The idea is that they're leaning to the right.

He blurted out, lean to the right a little. They are going to shoot to the right. And their politics now. Lean to the right. Yeah, they're not going to fit very well in the copy of this record. They and Brunhilde are very aligned on taxes right now. now, wane to the right. Yeah, they're not gonna fit very well in Cabio's restaurant. They and Brunhilde are very aligned on taxes right now. So yes, they all stagger back and they're like, and they stumble back woozy from the table and their colleagues are like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, we got to make sure you're good for the match. Whoops. Trudy, what do you do? Because you said you were going to challenge everybody. I'll do whatever anybody says. I'll switch out. It doesn't matter because I don't speak Russian. We can go through all of us. As long as you guys say something nice to me before they say something. That's true. So for an hour, you're right. This is just like a free pep talk. Yeah, actually we could maybe solve a lot of my mental problems.

Yeah. And Blake, Blake, Blake, you did a good job, but just like focus now because you kind of just let slip last time. You weren't really focusing. I was worried about our friend Trudy. I thought you said it would not affect her. I know. I really focusing. I was worried about our friend, Trudy. I know, but now you know what's going to happen. I thought you said it would not affect her. I know, I'm surprised too, but now we're all going to do this.

So our life is in your hands now. Ah, very good. So be clear. When we drink, you say something useful to us. Okay. I don't like that grin. I don't want anything silly. Something useful to us.

And to the other people, say something more explicit than just lean left. Say like, throw gutter balls. Well, Kelsey, maybe if you want to micromanage the group Maybe you're just looking at you have this fight in English and like oh what is going on? Are we bowling? No whispering I slam my hand down on the table and I pour myself a shot and I raise it up and I point it to more bowlers okay, the two next toughest bowlers Brokita Khrushchev and

Night witch number two man. She really got the short end of that today. No, they don't have names, so they can't find their families. Yes. Yeah, they're anonymous. Alright, they're gonna step up and do a shot as well. Boom boom, boom boom. Both of them failed as well. Yours is an extreme constitutional role, because you are not a robot, my friend.

Uh, no, I failed. Everyone staggers back again. It is like oh my god In Lithuania, I go as you all know the heaviest ball is the best one Okay, please not listening to me like that might actually just help that's like the easiest thing he could do Talking about yeah, I don't, yeah. That's not hurting them at all. Oh no! Now remember Blake, this is his first time bowling, he doesn't really know what he's talking about yet.

I'm not mad at him for sakes, like I'm mad at him for not listening to what we're telling him. We specifically said throw gutter balls. We specifically say tell him to throw gutter balls. Before Blake can say something to Francis, I looked at him and Francis is like, Francis, you're a good kid, you're going to do the best you can, and however well you do, know that you're worth it. Oh, shit. I don't know that much, that's gonna help him. Okay, fine, Kelsey, why don't you go next four hours?

I'm gonna be pretty good. I'll go next, say something nice to me. Don't say something silly. I'll be right next to you, I'll say something nice. You focus on saying fucking throw a gutter ball. Just say gutter ball. Okay, okay, Jesus. I'm sorry we're getting upset, you're doing a great job, you're the only one who didn't kill an alien. I don't saying fucking throw a gutter ball. Just say gutter ball. Okay, Jesus.

I'm sorry we're getting upset. You're doing a great job. You're the only one who didn't kill an alien. I don't even know what a gutter ball is. I know. Okay, that all, I understand now. Just trust us. Just tell them to throw gutter balls.

Okay. You know what? I don't mean to say I don't trust you. Let me just rehearse it. Just tell me what you're going to say to them. I will say throw your balls in the gutter. That works. That'll work.

I'll do it. That'll work. That'll work. That'll work. All right. So your third person. Yes, that's me. Now this is now going to bring you to half of your venom left. Venom. Of this set of venom because we got another set of venom back home.

Yes, you do. We have venom at home. Yeah. Jesus fucking Christ. So the third bowler from the Moscow Mules, Brolan Borosky, steps up as does Nightwitch number three. They are both ready to pound a shot and they will do so against you, Kelsey. So give me a Constitution saving throw.

Look at you, kid. Holy shit. I got a three. You got a three? A three. All right, so it doesn't work on you. Super duper as 10, no. And then I go, Kelsey, I'm tired

of your fucking micromanaging. Stop micromanaging me I said nothing to me Blake That's what you can go again for the fourth guy, so Blake doesn't have to do it. Oh, yeah, that's true. That's true I mean I like the three it's fine bro on broski and night which number three both against stagger back like their friends They really want to grit it out, but they can't and now they're open to suggestion if you want to throw your balls in the gutter And a very nice and then they both go give you thumbs up All right, hey Kelsey fuck off

Blankets is very stressful. You're doing another one. I want another one so people say nice things to me Wait, you're going again? Yeah, fucking poor, poor, poor! You have the remaining ones from each team. That'll be four drinks for four team members. Trudy, I think Francis is learning the wrong lesson from this. Drinking helps! Francis is learning the wrong lesson from this! Oh no!

Blake, I think it's just us two now, or the only grown adults. The last bowlers from each team, Fun Chris and Silly Sarah, are gonna roll. Silly Sarah, the most fucking deadly of the night witches. Fun Chris actually got Sarah Are gonna roll so Sarah those fucking deadly of the night witches fun Chris actually got an extreme success Okay, wait, what is 210 is that a hundred? Oh nice, he actually got a full dose so this really really really affected him. Oh, this is what should we do? Oh, this is delicious

Issues you have control over him now, but you can also whisper stuff to him during the match. You can whisper extra stuff to him on his throw. So, fun Chris, flopped like hardcore, silly Sarah, flopped regular core, and Francis gets to have one more night's things said. Oh, Francis, okay. And I go, never let go of the ball. That's great, they'll get disqualified and I'm to Francis same as before Francis you're a good kid Feel good don't drink to solve your problems Before Kelsey says that you hear a whisper in your voice and it's Brunhilde saying oh, that's fun I get to kill whoever I want with the next shot of this gun. Oh, that's fine. What's fine I

Get to kill whoever I want no me Brunhilde No you fucked up you fucked up. I'm in control baby. Oh, it's time for that bowling match Yeah, let's go bowl So yes, Francis has taken two shots you guys have sufficiently intimidated the other teams are all feeling a little staggering But not quite sure what's wrong with them. Would you like to keep drinking? Would you like to call it? Sergeant Kolotov comes up and says it is really time for us to be going to the match It's a strange pretty game ritual you have but it is really time for us to be going to the match. It's a strange pregame ritual you have, but uh... Yes! It is really time for us to be going to the match.

I still don't understand how she can understand what I'm saying if she does not speak Russian. You can speak English! I don't understand how I can understand what he's saying. Don't look at me. Oh. Are we ready to go? Yep. Are you ready to go to the match? It is time. Let us go. Time for bowling. So you hop back in the car. As you're driving, Sergeant Kolotov looks at you and says, you're a very strange team from Lithuania, yes? He says this to you, Blake. You seem unusual. I hear him say, da, and I go, da! Yes, da. Yes, da! Yes. I personally, I love Lithuania. What I love more than anything about Lithuania

is the Lithuanian borscht. A nice hot bowl of Lithuanian borscht on a cold day. There is nothing better, yeah? There is something better. What is that? A hot bowl on a hot day. Interesting. And he keeps driving. He keeps going. And he looks at you, you see a little peek of suspicion. They put our face in your hands and you have butter fingers? I don't understand. I love borscht in all its forms. When's hot when it's cold. It's good anytime He keeps driving and he's looking at you suspiciously. Perhaps you are the one now. I'm suspiciously looking at you Perhaps you are the one because everybody knows that the great bowl of borscht is a truly versatile dish The reason why it's a stain so many Lithuanians for so long Kelsey

How's this car? I understand a single fucking thing. I understand the words. I see Two seconds I know it's going bad So like are we like behind like can I reach to the driver? Yes, you can you're sitting behind him in a jeep Okay, I'm gonna sprinkle the venom into a handkerchief Sprinkle the venom into a handkerchief. That's great. I look at Trudy, I look at Trudy, I'm like, I look at Trudy, I'm like, I think I gotta go in front and I put the handkerchief over his mouth.

Blake, tell him to forget everything that you just said. Forget everything I just said. Say we're the Thoanians and we're the team. And he would die for us if necessary. We're the Th Lithuanians and we're the team And he will die for us if necessary We're the Lithuanians and we're the team We are the Lithuanian team and you will die for us If necessary You are the coolest We are the coolest Lithuanians you've ever met

Hold on I'm gonna actually have a character sheet for this case Oh no that was the last of the venom there I hope you all will That was the last of the venom Yeah that was the yeah because you dumped it onto a rag Yes, no, absolutely. We have a man of at home for Timmy Yeah, well I Venom oh you're right. You're right. I take a handkerchief. No No, absolutely not. What am I gonna do? You're gonna suck it back in your mouth and spit it back No, I'm gonna take a handkerchief. I'm gonna wring it out

Not whatever I can do you're gonna suck it back in your mouth and spit it back I'm gonna wring it out Into all my milk bottles and that's a little bit. All right, you have one tiny drop of venom left You have a small okay amount of venom good thing Timmy small and we got more home I'm sorry I think we're like five seconds away from pulling over and then him as be like, oh come outside just for nothing And then guns to our head from what was looking like over there with what Blake was saying. Okay. Sergeant Kolotov, Fails his role.

So, unfortunately, you, uh, you manage to drug him. And then what do you tell him in this moment when he's dazed by- I said, we are the Lithuanian team, And you would die for us if necessary. And we're so cool, and you forgot everything I just said prior to this, these, yes. And he's like, Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Oh, I see. It's weird that your hair is growing from the inside The doors swing open and you enter the cultural center and it is packed in here at this bowling alley There is a very excited crowd of scientists here Like these people are incredibly fired up for an intramural bowling match

It's just this sea of sunburned faces, all smiling and clapping and near unison with each other. And they're all just grinning from ear to ear. Like they almost look like it hurts how much they're smiling. They're so happy. Inspiring how much of fans they are of bowling. Is there anything else in this cultural center?

Is it just the bowling? They really like bowling here. Well, there's like other stuff. There's like, you know What like there is there a claw machine there is a claw machine Claw machine grabs you Bowling why do we ever go to war with these people there? They seem just like Grungy copy of cruising stalling We got a grungy copy of Cruisin' Stalingrad. Oh, we're in the corner.

That's great. It is now time for you guys to roll against the other two teams in this match. So here's how this is going to work. Everyone has the number of dice that they got, right? Yes. All right. This is simple. There's 10 pins. You roll your D10s.

Whatever the highest number you get, that's the number of pins you knock down on your first frame. On the second frame, if you roll higher than the previous higher number you get, that's the number of pins you knock down on your first frame. On the second frame, if you roll higher than the previous higher number you got, that'll be the number you knock down on the second frame. So let's say you roll an eight, you need to roll a nine or a ten to pick up the spare. Exactly what I rolled. Oh wow. So now here's the only thing. This is the one catch. If you roll a seven and a ten, you get a gutter ball. So like if amongst your dice you have both a seven and a 10 you get a gutter ball in that

roll All right, let's do some bowling So the crowd goes wild in the interest of time I'm gonna do a big group role for each of the other two teams Modified by the poison you fed into their systems and then we're gonna roll you guys individually to see how everybody did sweet So their first guy broseph Stalin who you told to lean to? the right he got a six Unfortunately bro kita khrushchev who you told to throw the heaviest ball which he already throws got a strike

Mm-hmm roll on broski who you told to throw it in the gutter he got a strike what he rolled a strike Let's say however because you told him to throw it in the gutter his strike is now negated from the board you canceled it Out because he rolled in the gutter and then our last person fun Chris He also rolled a strike, but because you told him hang on to the ball to never let go of the ball We're gonna give him a quick luck roll to see if the ball escaped his grasp or not and that strike went through So he got a 17 luck so unfortunately for you guys it flew out of his hand. He's so pissed! He's so pissed but it did in fact go in which means their total score is a 26. Okay. So now we will do the Night Witches. They had the same things. The Night Witches, professional bombers turned professional bowlers.

Our first Night Witch, Night Witch number one, this is easy to remember, the unnamed witch, she was told to lean to the right. She got an eight minus a 1d4 penalty dice of four, so she got a four. The next bowler, Night Witch number two, who also throws the heaviest ball normally, also got a strike, so that brings us to a 14. Night Witch number three also rolled a strike,

but she was also told to fucking- You're just rolling tens on me? I'm rolling a lot of tens, these guys are fucking killing it. Dude. Actually no, Night Witch number three also rolled a strike, but she was also told to fucking you just rolling tens I'm a lot of tens. He's gonna fucking killing it I should know night which number three got a spare but wanted picking up ten But you told them to roll it in the gutter So they flopped it both times and we're gonna cancel out that ten and our last roller silly Sarah I was told to never let go of the ball and unfortunately she also did get a strike I don't guys they're rolling hot

I don't know what to tell you but we're gonna give her a luck roll as well to see if she managed to hold onto the ball. So she rolled a 64. She does not let go of the ball, she clonks onto the ground and is disqualified. Nice. So the numbers you have to beat are a 26 and a 14. Okay. So bowlers, are you ready? Yep. It's a 14.6% chance of rolling a 7 and a 10 with 5 dice.

And getting a gutter ball. Alright so we'll do this one by one. Who wants to go first? I rolled forever ago. Give me your first roll. 8. And then what was your second roll? My second roll is let's see if I can pick this baby up. That's what I'm gonna say when I'm a father. What's the second roll? Do we just roll like if I have 5 dice? 6 so I miss what the is? If you beat your first roll you pick up an extra on your second. Yeah I just got eight. You got an eight. Okay so Francis gets an eight. Throw one extra dice in for that last roll because you got told that you were a good kid and you could do it. Get a ten. Okay so Francis picks up the spare. Kelsey steps up. With my five dice I rolled an eight, a ten, a six, a two, and a nine. So ten. So you got a strike. Nice.

So Kelsey gets the strike. Woo! We got 20 points so far. Yeah. Okay, so Trudy, batter up. Three dice because I have a sprained wrist. Fuck! What'd you get? My highest was a five. Okay. If you roll again, you get higher than five. Trudy, lock in. You got one more roll.

Okay. A ten! All right! And then finally, Blake. higher than five Trudy lock in we got one more roll okay a ten all right and then finally Blake I got a nine a four and eight a ten and the one straight you guys rolled a perfect game Wow congratulations and then during Blake's it's like you hear the announcer like strike to claim it strike to claim it and then he's like Yeah, fuck yeah They think they are I am

The whole crowd goes crazy. There's a celebratory fanfare The sort of cultural arts coordinator comes out and presents with a trophy and a handshake and she says well done well done comrades And now it is time for your very special tour of our facility with the site director. Are you ready for the greatest honor of your lives? Yes. Yes. Come with me then.

She leaves you beaming out the door. And then as we're going out, we're like, suck it, suck it Lithuania, Lithuania number one. I just want to say, I think this is the happiest I've been in a long time Yeah, it's great. Just being a team and bowling again and Blake nothing bad is about to happen. No No, I mean everything is on the up-and-up. We're on a total winning streak Yeah, we have a little bit of venom still for Timmy Yes, and we have somebody who will die for us or at least for the next like 30 minutes

I think we might have a new name for this team because it's got new people in it. I think we might be the perfect game. Oh, that's a good name. No, no, no, no. Good name, I think Gutter-O-Scream is better. Gutter-O-Scream is better. Do you want to stay as Gutter-O-Scream though? Yeah.

Yeah. Speaking of the man who is willing to die for you now, as this new woman, the head of cultural affairs, is leading you out the door and towards building 21, the site where you're going to meet the director, you see a look of concern on Anton Kolotov's face. He's like, way across the room by now, you're already being flanked by other officials,

he's kinda powerless to get to you at the moment, but you see a look on his face, seeming to try to urgently communicate to you some dire message, something be aware, be wary, be warned. He would die for a waiver he's about to say, he's probably actually here. He would die for a waiver, he's about to say. He's probably actually here. He could do it.

Yeah. Can we talk to our friend real quick before we keep going? Oh, we shouldn't keep the director waiting. That's okay, don't mind me. And I just turn around and walk towards him. Okay. Are you all coming with me? I have no choice, I'm on your back.

Oh yes. So you all break off to go talk to Sergeant Kolotov. This is important, his family is very important to us. Just okay, so if you want to say goodbye to your tour guide, you have a second to go do that, then sure, yeah. And we go head over. Alright, but it's up to you, you gotta talk to him. We don't, he doesn't speak.

What's up, my dude? He looks at you and says, you're walking into a very dangerous situation. Just be warned, be forewarned, be prepared. And he discreetly hands you his service pistol To make sure you have something on you that's very good. That's why you always turn around when you start a level you always Constantly secrets wait did we come strapped with our guns that we already had we never got so you guys know you guys They would have searched you you know your guns um now we have one now You have one service pistol with one clip in it. Or Blake does, rather.

And he grabs you, Blake, and he says, I don't know what's going to happen to me. But in case the worst happens, in case they figure out who I am and what I'm really doing here, just tell my family who I am. Tell them that you know me. He leans in and whispers his name to you. He says, my name is.

You said that really loud. I heard it. Yeah. How did you guys hear it? Because you said it really loud. Yeah. I was whispering it. But you whispered really loud. Yeah. How did you guys hear it? You said it really loud. Yeah. I was whispering it. But you whispered really loud. We all heard it.

He goes like this. He goes, I'm a spy. I'm a spy with the CIA. My name is not Anton Kalatova. And he grabs you. He says, it's Tony Collette. That's wild. We know another guy named Tony.

Small world. Mother, mother, fear me I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies, twisted in my mind And now I'm just a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Too far, too far away But I'll stay today boutique high-end board games straight from the personal collection of one Matt Arnold games like Kingdom Death Monster where our campaign just Released the tenth episode in an ongoing patreon series have yourself a little listen. Hey guys guys When it sounds like we're having fun the audience Is also that if we're not having fun the audience gets shot in front of from it

Also that if we're not having fun the audience gets shot in front of it There's only four characters and this is my game and I gave you the character to play and I made him a man baby Okay, that's Kingdom dad monster You can get it if you want as well as other one shots and miniseries campaigns and different systems alongside ad free Episodes and an after show for every main feed episode a lot there. Just have a look go to patreon.com for every main feed episode. A lot there. Just have a look. Go to patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. We also got Pride Dice and a Pride zine available on our store now.

Net proceeds go directly to Lambda Legal. Check that out at dungeonsanddais.com. Speaking of Dungeons and Dais, this show is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth, Will Campos as our DM, Beth May as Trudy Trout and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, and Issa Omran as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette as our community manager Corning Terrace is our community coordinator Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager Esther Ellis is our

lead editor Travis Reeves Omar Rojelino and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing. Our Patreon is supported by folks with cool names like Joe Zeds, Malka Barrow, Daniel Cook, Phil Sieropski, Hayley Ritchie, Jeremy Lobner, Matthew Olsen, Anton Carlson, Alexis A, Zach Bachman, Luke of the Irish, Andrew Heineman, Jonathan Drew, Ileana Yanes, Keely O'Brien, El Compa Bob, Anais Ahmed, Joarne Wiegand-Ostroud, Leis O.B., and Luke DeFilo. Merch and more on our website, DungeonsandDais.com, Beth's solo show, Beth Wants to Be, playing a Hollywood Fringe and Edinburgh Fringe, tickets in the description.

And our next episode is June 17th. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the star. Swallowing my dreams and making them scars. Too far, too far away. But I'll stay today. Today All that I can see is a hole in the stars Swallowed in my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today

I Cruz in USSR Another snow level dude, it's not knows actually cruise in USA, but you're prying a cruise missile You sailed beyond the horizon in search of an island scrubbed from every map. You battled Krakens and navigated through storms. Your spade struck the lid of a long-lost treasure chest. While you cooked a lasagna. There's more to imagine when you listen. Discover best-selling adventure stories on Audible.