Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 27 - All About Eat

Episode Date: June 17, 2025

The Screams visit Building 21.This episode contains Profanity, Violence, Sexual Content.Info and tickets for Beth's solo show "Beth Wants the D":Edinburgh Fringe: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/beth-wants-dHollywood Fringe: www.hollywoodfringe.org/projects/11775?tab=ticketsSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Send us stuff and get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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awakens. Don't miss the new bone-chilling psychological thriller from Audible, Sacrilege, Curse of the Mbuwi. Starring Kayla McLaughlin of Strangeranger Things fame delivering an electrifying performance, Sacrilege follows the story of the Wallace family whose vacation to a luxury game reserve in Zimbabwe quickly unravels when Deshaun Wallace, played by McLaughlin, unwillingly desecrates hallowed ground and unleashes the Mbirwi, a vengeful entity born from centuries of colonial oppression. As possessed wildlife and shape-shifting horrors close in, Deshaun must confront not only the supernatural threat, but also the horrors of his own past to save what remains of his family. Written and directed by visionary creator Nayasha Hatendi and presented in spectacular Dolby Atmos. Sacrilege blends pulse-pounding suspense with powerful explorations

of identity and privilege to deliver a thriller as thought-provoking as it is terrifying. We all have our demons. Go listen to Sacrilege, Curse of the Mbuie now. Go to audible.ca sacrilege. It's S-A-C-R-I-L-E-G-E. Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. ["The Chord of Azathoth"] I am from our studio, the Chord of Azathoth. Between the planes that compose the universe, it's time once again for the powers that the sports network bathe the day.

I'm Yogg-Sathoth, the one and all. And I'm the color out of space, boom! We're here as always since time immemorial to beam the most sanity-rending slams and jams in all of sports straight into your nightmares. The first TPBS PNPOTA is brought to you by Deep Ones Silvers. It's day gone days down at Deep Ones, which means two for one, profane abominations, all mating season long, snap into a deep one boom! Today's play comes from a nameless speck of dust in a

forgotten corner of the Milky Way galaxy where amateur bowling team the gutterbill screams locked in a hopeless struggle to save their world from the mad whims of beings beyond their comprehension bold a perfect game! What makes this play stand out is the unusual pregame strategy the Screams use to clutch the dub. Let's rend the veil of space and time to sneak a closer peek. Moments before their match, Screammate Trudy Trout challenges her rivals to a drinking contest.

But little do they know the potion they have quaffed has been tainted by the mind-bending venom of the tall Magar. I tell you, it's truly a scheme so foul It could only be birthed by the fractured brain of team leader Kelsey Grammer who while she slumbers is ever courted by Zuzelle the godslayer Yikes, I wouldn't fuck Zuzelle with Haster the unnameable's dick But wait trouble for the screams as rookie roller Blake Lively tasked with whispering words of doom to their drug competitors Accidentally give them advice that helps

their bowling game. Oh, that's a mistake you just don't want to be making and Grammer is not happy about that one. Yet despite their despair, the Screams lock in on the lanes and by the time the final pin has fallen like the great grace of Hith, they march victorious. Another trophy to their name, the Screams now head into Persicova Ground building 21. But will their Cinderella story survive the horrible secrets that lay within? Only time and the astrologer priests of Daloth will tell. Boom!

Up next, behold, an exclusive sneak preview of Walt Disney's live action remake of The King in Yellow. Stick around! Welcome to Dungeons and Daddy's, not a BDSM podcast, a little peachy podcast this season. A little peachy podcast. Little peachy podcast this season Little peachy podcast This is the peachyville horror a call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday shmoes fighting the forces of darkness in suburban 1950s America and officially this one's BDSM This one? Whoa This particular episode?

I make that decision solely in my soul discretion I don't think you know how BDSM works You pushed Will onto a very specific kind of platform now. Babe Ruth calling his shot over there. Calling somebody else's shot. Somebody else goes up to the plate and Babe Ruth comes out and goes, that guy's gonna go home, bro. And it goes back into the dugout. He did that all the time. If you had a babe in the dugout.

Babe Ruth calling me mommy. Yes. It's a BDSM joke. Very good, very good. I think he'd be a sub. Babe Ruth? No, BDSM stands for babe doesn't sub man My name is Freddie Wong I play deep thinkin plumber Blake Lively stand out bowling performance from Blake last episode Mm-hmm, he owes it all to Swedish bowling Swedish bowling is what Blake played as a young child growing up. Is this canon that he's Swedish or is it just Swedish bowling?

No, no, no. It's just Swedish bowling. Swedish meatballs and not be Swedish. You go to IKEA and not have to change your citizenship, William. I wish. I wish I could get Swedish. If it was that easy, mm. Oh yeah, I'd be out of here.

What if they're like, ah yes, you can be Swedish, but you have to build furniture for Swedish people for the next 10 years from IKEA? Sure. I would actually do that because I think there's something cathartic about building IKEA furniture when it's easy, and when it's hard, it's actually like, that's the only time I've destroyed something. Can I say, IKEA furniture building instructions are diabolical because if you look at them, there's so many ones where it's just like, there was a little hole there.

Oh, there was a little hole. You messed up. You didn't see my secret hole. You fool. You didn't see the little hole. You went from the side to the side. Now you build your dresser upside down. You look like the 2D guy scratching his head, standing over the tools.

You'll have to call us at IKEA to solve this conundrum. You thought you were strong enough to carry this on your own, but your brain wasn't strong enough to find all of my secret screws. Normally I'm good enough to do it though, but the one time I was trying to build a nightstand, I actually destroyed it. I took it outside and I beat it up and I kicked it and I destroyed it and it felt so good.

But my new roommates were a little scared of me. What did you do with the little free extra dowel? They sometimes cheekily thrown in I love that when they just throw one in they throw one. Hey kid. Here's another one anyway Swedish bowling Swedish bowling involves taking a rock and throwing it down the hill and trying to hit trees with it Oh, I think you made up. Is this real thing no all right? It's a real thing in that you can do that with a hill a rock and a tree in the distance I mean there is something called Swedish bowling. I looked up because I was getting ready to learn. Yeah, it's a thing I mean you're not clearly somehow he googles this and it goes to goats

It's like a long game. I have so much respect for you. Swedish bowling is called Koop It's a throwing game that involves knocking over wooden blocks. So it's not dissimilar from what I described. Yeah, okay Yeah, I guess a tree really is a wooden block if you think about it. My name is Matthew Arnold over wooden blocks, so not dissimilar from what I described. Yeah. Okay. I guess a tree really is a wooden block if you think about it. My name is Matthew Arnold, I play Kelsey Grammer, Peachville's happiest and snappiest school marm, and you know what she always says?

Eat, pray, love. Um. Um. She was the first one. So. Fuck. And you know, Kelsey doesn't live long enough, but she actually taught Carol Gilbert,

which is the mother of Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love. So I'm just saying. So a little fact about Kelsey is that Kelsey and Roz have a little book club, the Grammar Book Club, and they read a book every month. And they really like it because there's a way for them to connect. However, when they read Catcher in the Rye, the next couple days, Milton started acting weird. Catcher in the Rye, the next couple days, Milton started acting weird, and Kelsey began to realize that Milton was always listening to the book club and reading whatever they were reading.

So since then, Kelsey and Ross have mostly read kind of like feminist literature and things about how to be a strong mature boy, and they're just trying to really- How to be a strong mature boy. Yeah, yeah. That was actually the original title of Catcher in the Rye. That was actually the original title of each grade in the Rye. That was actually the original title of the e-prey love. How to be a strong mature boy.

Catcher in the Rye or How to be a strong mature boy. Very ironic title. But you know how it came out like To Kill a Mockingbird, you had like that first version that sucked. Oh yeah? That's what he started writing, I'll be a strong mature boy. And halfway through he's like, this is boring. Let's just do the opposite. What if I had a kid who was not there? What if a kid sucked?

How did JV Salinger having a moment of inspiration? Whoa How did this kid suck? How did a strong mature voice the original title of Lord of the Flies? I'm Anthony Burch I play Francis Warnsworth a kid who's trying his best and Francis's PGFact is we're gonna talk about Francis's favorite scents Francis's favorite scents are two dimes and a nickel Because when you're getting bullied if they see a quarter of it like that's basically a hamburger and they take the quarter But if they see two dimes or a nickel, they're like that's peasant shit and they let it go. That's interesting

That's wild really interesting. Definitely not true. But he tried hi My name is Beth May and I play Trudy trout Homemaker mother of one beautiful child robot. I'm gonna let you in the mind of Beth May for a moment One I'm not sure if I'm pronouncing this word right, or if I've already done this fact. So that's kind of why you're like, and I didn't want to ask before because I was lazy and we were talking about so many other fun things. If I have done this fact before, I apologize, and then just tell me and I'll come up with another fact. This is like the opposite of Babe Ruth calling us John. Yeah.

If I don't get a home run, I'm sorry. That's, yeah. Seriously, if you find out afterwards that you've done this fact and the audience says, well next week you have to do two facts. I'll do two facts every week. Okay. When ever Trudy is going on like a mommy spending spree,

she calls that clearing her cash. Oh, that's a new one. Definitely not done that one. That's great. That's very good. That's good. That's a new one. Never done that one before.

27 episodes? 27. 27, haven't repeated one. Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I'm your Dungeon Master. Bonus dad fact slash shameless brag for meme this week. My wife wrote a Star Wars comic and it comes out this week.

Dr. Aphra, chaos agent by Cherish Chen drops this Wednesday and y'all is fucking good. Dr. Aphra is like low key one of the best characters going in Star Wars right now. Like the best way to describe her, she's like Indiana Jones in space. If Indiana Jones was a dirt bag criminal who needs to get her shit together.

It has been such a joy getting to watch Cherish put this book together behind the scenes. The art is fucking incredible. If you like Star Wars at all, you're going to fucking love this book. So call your local comic book store today and get yourself a copy of Dr. Afra, Chaos Agent. OK, let's get back to the show. My dad facts, my DM fact this week, the Elephant's Foot is the nickname given to the large mass of Corium beneath reactor 4 of the Chernobyl nuclear power plant near Pripyat, Ukraine. The mass formed during the Chernobyl disaster of April 26, 1986 from such materials as molten concrete, sand, steel, and uranium and zirconium. It's named for its wrinkled appearance and large size evocative of the foot of an elephant. This fucker puts off when it was created nearly 8,000 to 10,000

Runtagens 80 to 100 grays per hour delivering a 50 50 lethal dose of radiation within three minutes. When it was first found, it was the most dangerous object on earth and it looks creepy as fuck. Until I was born. Until Anthony Burch got his first 3dfx graphics card. Until I logged onto Quake for the first time. How radioactive is it still? It's not as, but it's pretty bad. It's pretty radioactive.

You shouldn't be there. It's like Imagine Dragons level. You shouldn't be there. You know it's not as radioactive because someone was able to go in and take a picture of it and the picture is the creepiest fucking picture I've ever seen in my life. But they were wearing a lot of things.

He wasn't wearing that much stuff. And then also it's creepy because they did like a long exposure So like you see like a ghosty blur of the guy who took the picture Yeah, I think I see it in the discord It looks like it ate his soul. It's just like this big blob that fucking killed a guy It's crazy Can you put a link to what you're talking about in the discord or something?

Sure yeah I really wanna see that Real noble heads know Here's the new tech that needs to happen Freddy Let's hear it baby What I'm about to say feels like something you would be saying. So, so here you go. Okay. I want to be able to be listening to podcasts and say, Hey,

can you drop a link? And they say something and then your computer or your car or whatever could link to that. It feels like we got listening. We got well, yeah, listen to podcasts. If I car like drives to where the song is, what are you talking about? No, no, no that red light because a giant picture of Chernobyl filled my windshield. Like an audio link. Like an audio link.

I want when somebody says, here's a link, and I say it out loud and then I get it. Here's a- I want it. I just want it. I just want it in my brain. Just get the content direct into my veins. I don't want to use my fingies at all. Can you imagine if you're listening to podcasts and you you could buy my shirt and you just say buy it About the McDonald's connect patent right no McDonald's try to Style of advertisement where if you have an Xbox connect and a commercial for McDonald's starts playing then you can automatically skip it But only if you stand up put your hands in your go McDonald's

I like that Alright, alright, let's start this episode. One two three We're gonna work with our podcast One two three McDonald's McDonald's One two three McDonald's Previously on Dungeons and Daddies, the podcast where we play the Peachyville Horror, y'all went to Russia to find Mothman and Timmy who'd been captured in the town of Persikovograd.

You infiltrated under the cover of being a Lithuanian bowling team, you know, as the Lithuanian acts, You managed to win the tournament by using most of the mind controlled venom you need to cure Timmy. Whatever. We left enough for Timmy. Well, we don't know if it was enough for Timmy. We know that there's a couple of drops left in there.

I feel that we decided there was enough for Timmy. Yeah, we screwed that up. We had some at home. No, no, we rolled the tape. We decided that Matt used it all and then rang a little bit back out into the vial. Well, okay, we can look at the tape. We pull it out.

Pull it up. Esther, pull it out. Esther? Esther, pull it up. But Timmy's here! Oh, you're right, you're right. I take the handkerchief- no! I'm not-

No, absolutely not. I'm taking it- whatever I can do. You're gonna suck it back in your mouth and spit it back in the bottle. No, I'm gonna take the handkerchief, I'm gonna ring it out into one of my milk bottles, and that's a little bit of it. Alright, you have one tiny drop of venom left. You have a small amount of venom. Good thing Timmy's small. Alright, now we record two versions.

That's right, bitch! Damn, I was wrong. Alright, other version. That's right, bitch! Oh, damn, I was wrong. I gotta use that one. But we got some back at home, too. There's some back at home.

But Timmy is here. We have Timmy at here. My understanding is that we have enough for Timmy. But if not, we can fly Timmy home. But if not, whose fault will that be? I mean, I don't know. Wait, wait, wait. We won because of this juice.

We all were in on the juice. We all did the juice plan! I know, we were all juicing. Will's trying to split us. Guys, don't let Will split us. Don't let Will split us! He will not divide us! You won the bowling tournament, gaining yourself an audience with the site director of Building 21, the mysterious research laboratory where the dark experiments at the heart of Percy Covograd have been going on. We'll see what happens when you get there. We'll see what spooky things you find.

Maybe Mothman's there, maybe not. That'd be kind of stupid if he wasn't though. That would have been bad planning on my part. Ha ha ha! You were about to be whisked away when you noticed your handler Anton Kolotov, who you had chloroformed with the last of your mind venom before you rung it back into a jar, looking conflicted. Blake Lively approached approached him and he warned Blake that you guys were walking into a dangerous situation. Handed Blake his service revolver.

And on top of that, revealed that he was actually a CIA agent working for the U.S. government. His real name was which we all heard. He revealed that his real name was Tony Collette Anton Kolotov. That's pretty good. Yeah, Anton Kolotov. How could his name be Tony Collette? Kolotov Tony Collette Anton Kolotov How could his name be Tony Collette? That was the other wasn't there but these did! Who's this guy? But you don't know that cause you never Tony

Tony, Tony, perfect combination Collette Yes, T-O-N-Y-C-O-L-E-T-T-E Ah, two common names Welcome, hello Okay, but you have to go. They're gonna get suspicious. Just, I've got your back. He gives you his gun.

I fucking lock and load it and tuck it right by my groin. Okay. All guns belong. Just at Freddy's groin. Just point at my ding-a-ling. He's about to continue talking, but then he sees the cultural affairs liaison, the woman who was gonna guide you to building 20 come up and say is there a problem Comrade are you ready to join us on the tour time is a wasting as they say forward to the tour

They want us to go on the tour. Yeah, we won. We won on the tour That's what we're here for come this way. So what was the deal with him? Ah that man is a spy Okay, yeah, oh, I'm seeing this very soto voce Good alright Okay, yeah, oh I'm seeing this very Soto voce Good all right Do you give you anything? What's the like what he gave me a gat so we are armed? Okay, just in case I don't know what else he'll be doing okay, so like Scott a gun everybody and that guy's a spy Yes, do not mention what are you talking about back there bowling strategies secret bowling strategies? So she leads you in through the gates and gestures to this big sprawling

foyer this sort of magnificent brulee list architecture in this big concrete slab floor and She guides you through the reflux patients. She says unfortunately the director He has a very important meeting right now with a very special celebrity you may have seen on the news Man with big wings Also, you have seen him too as well Yes, your friends they are seen very They are simply in awe of the brutalist architecture on display in this lobby Song well the songs good well regardless as I said the director is busy at the moment Da. Da, da, da. I'm just pretending. Nyet! The song. We're up on the song's good.

Well, regardless, as I said, the director is busy at the moment, but he's excited to meet you. If you could follow me into this room to watch informative video on what we are doing here at Project Motherland. Ah, explain to the team. I'm like, there will be a video I will translate. Is that Lithuanian you are speaking to your teammates? Da.

Da. Ingles? You speak English? Ingles? Yes, it is one of the languages. Oh, you do as well? What? You say?

You do too? Are learning English? Tournament in America. Wish to destroy capitalist scum? Yes, practice. You say? English. Tournament in America. Wish to destroy capitalist scum. Practice English. I don't... What are they saying? I don't speak English.

They are practicing English. We all... No, but what are they saying? We are speaking and practicing English for an upcoming tournament in America where we will crush the capitalist gays. Ah, yes, very good. I see. Okay, well you tell them that that is okay with me, but people don't like English here

So it might cause offense they should be careful when they speak but I being enlightened cultural affairs minister This is okay with me. Ah team. She's cool with English, but other people on the will not be cool with English Okay, well you tell those other people to mind their fucking business. Oh good point It's nice that we can talk to each other, but wait everybody really quick though. Yes. I mean like I know you, you've watched some spy movies here and there. A lot of times somebody pretends like they don't know the language we're talking. So it's nice that we can talk to each other in English, but I'm not so sure that that

guy doesn't actually speak English. That's a good point. So you know try to keep him off guard with like, oh, he's got such a big hog down there, I think all three of us should suck on it and have a great time. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I'm watching the Russian to see if he's- That's an insane thing to say. Yeah, it's crazy to say that I wish I just got my-

Also, which one of us has the hog? My whole head down in his pants. My whole head in his pants, and I wanna live in there. She nods, not understanding what you're saying, okay? I think she's either in favor of this idea or she doesn't speak English. I want to get in there Okay, so she doesn't respond I want to roll to see if she actually give me a psychology. You see that glint of recognition in her eyes My eyes have I failed it. Okay. Yeah, you have no way of knowing

She does turn to Blake and say what does she say she seems very like she wants me to understand something I don't speak English should okay. Sorry to be so crass. I don't know what you do. What does she say to me? Oh, she was asked Oh She was asking about the brutalist architecture. How is it so tall and so concrete? Oh, well, it is in fact a very long and interesting story. I would be happy to tell you right now. But unfortunately, more pressing matters. Wait, I really must guide you into this room to see this important video. We need to watch the video.

This important film and we should go along and maybe you translate, yes, for them. Yes. So she kind of scoots you along to like off the foyer There's like a little you like at a museum when they got like oh nice. There's a little movie playing in it It's like one of those Then you go in and then you're like this is kind of boring Here like another ten minutes just to like act like you're watching it she guides you into this room and Closes the door behind her we're alone. We are alone.

I think we're alone now. Hey, fucking cool it with all the English. Well, we need to be able to talk to each other. I didn't even know you knew about hogs and sucking and all the things you just said. Yes, Kelsey, that was quite insane. I'm a grown woman. I don't know why that's surprising.

I just don't like to hear my teachers talk about it. I'm not your teacher anymore. I'm just nothing but a grown woman to you now, Francis. Are you coming on to me? No, Francis, absolutely not. We're all in this together, and I had to say something shocking. The fact that you're like, I can't believe you said that,

is exactly why I had to say it, because that would have made her shocked. I wanted to know if she understood English. That's all I was trying to do. OK. If we need to communicate, perhaps use masking in the form of pig Latin. Everybody give me a listen check. I'm familiar with if you understood English. That's all I was trying to do. Okay. If we need to communicate, perhaps use a masking in the form of Pig Latin. Everybody give me a listen check. I'm familiar with masking, all right.

I fail. Listen, what is my listening? Seven, I succeed. Oh, exactly 25, 25, I succeed. Super success for me. You got a super success? Yeah, seven. Yeah, I have failed.

Blake, you hear a little click when the door shuts. And then. I wanna try the knob. You wanna try the knob? Yeah. It's locked. That's what Kelsey was gonna try. Yeah! Oh, gosh, we have fun here.

It's been a while. Ha! Ha! Uh, team- We have to set some boundaries. Team, we are stuck in this room. We are going to watch whatever madness they will put in front of us.

Quick, look for alternate exits. As you say that- So we should spot him. The lights dim and a and a oh it's harder to find them now a Film begins to play like a patch opens up and like a little projector beam shines I love the pictures. Can I roll spot hidden though? Yeah to see if there's another exit. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead Disadvantages lights to go out 78 nevermind fail. Okay, basically here this like did go out 78 nevermind fail okay basically here this like you know some old pretty good well thank you and like basically this newsreel starts playing

over stock footage of guys in science lab coats doing sciencey stuff and you know pictures of Russia you hear the following. Welcome esteemed comrades to Project Motherland. Ah, it's good that they have subtitles. In Russian. Yes, you're gonna- No, in various languages. No, they don't, they only have it in Russian. Just so we can get through this,

we can assume that Blake is explaining what's going on to the rest of you guys. But dear listeners, I, Freddie Wong, player of Blake Lively, will chime in when the translation isn't perfect. Okay. Can't wait. Interesting. Welcome esteemed comrades to Project Motherland.

You have chosen or been chosen to participate in a great adventure. Together, arm in arm, we will bring about a new age of harmony for the workers of our world and every world beyond. But first, some history. It switches over to like newsreel footage of the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility disaster

in Tennessee. In 1939, decadent Western filmmaker Joseph Joseph Abrams performs an occult ritual at the Oak Ridge Nuclear Facility and makes contact with a powerful entity from beyond space and time. Despite the best efforts of inept capitalist spies to cover up the incident, word quickly spreads. Soon, every major government on earth has made contact with a pantheon of extra-dimensional beings known as the powers that be.

The powers show their true wisdom to many, but only to us, only to the USSR, do the powers reveal their true purpose and mankind's glorious destiny. And then you start seeing like this trippy, ethereal, sort of special photography of space and like little diagrams with strange symbols. Soon the veil between our reality and theirs will grow thin, thin enough for a hole to be torn through it. With their guidance and our collective will, we, the people of Russia, will bring this moment, this hour of the whole, to pass. And the powers that be will descend on our world and the workers

of the world shall unite with the world as one mind, one flesh, one psyche, one spirit, one will, and we will be born anew and we will take our seat among the stars. We know this may seem strange. We know you may be afraid, but be not afraid. Sit back, relax your body, and listen to these short words from our site director. And the footage cuts to just like this weird grainy shot of a big glowing heap of radioactive scrap metal in a massive rubble-strewn room with a dirt

floor. It looks kind of like the elephant's foot. My foreshadowing is being done. He declared. The footage starts to get brighter and brighter like you're hearing this buzzing noise and you hear this voice come in and start speaking to you. I will plug my ears and close my eyes. I follow whatever Blake is doing. Same. Okay you're gonna plug your ears before he even starts talking yeah And close your eyes. I feel like I would absolutely follow the peer pressure of that okay well in that case I won't read the thing that he was gonna read But wait if you read it and the audience doesn't close their ears and close their eyes

Are they gonna is the crazy thing gonna happen to them audience members plug your ears if you don't wish to hear what I'm about To say you are aware of, and yet you are not aware. You are listening with your subconscious mind, while your conscious mind is far away and not listening. Your conscious mind is far away and not listening. Your subconscious mind is awake and listening, and hearing everything while your conscious mind remains very relaxed and peaceful. You can relax peacefully

because your subconscious mind is taking charge. And when this happens, you close your eyes and let your subconscious. And as this murmuring goes on, you guys can't hear it. Oh, Beth's listening. Beth, you didn't blow your ears! I wasn't!

I did! What are you doing? And then I, yeah. You hear this dulcet droning. Do we hear now? This is now Will, the DM, explaining what's going on. Fingers out. Fingers out, sun's out, guns out. As you hear this muffled, dulcet, hypnotic voice,

the screen, like I said, grows brighter and brighter and brighter. It seems to take on this sort of otherworldly hue. We can see through our eyelids because our eyes are closed. Yeah, our eyes are closed. Your eyes are closed, too? Yeah. But I guess we can start seeing, like, we can tell eyelids because our eyes are closed. Yeah, our eyes are closed. Your eyes are closed too? Yeah. Okay.

I guess we need to start seeing like we can tell it's brighter. We are colors. Yeah, we can tell it's brighter. It's brighter. It's getting brighter. Yes, yes, it's getting brighter and brighter and brighter in the room. Uh-huh. It's like a hot sun right on your face. And you feel almost like your skin is starting to burn ever so slightly. Like you've just been exposed to the sun for hours and you can feel your skin starting to crinkle and peel

I want to duck under the seat. Are there multiple rows? Like I want to get behind Yeah, you can duck under the seat. Yeah, sure. That's great as you're doing all that everybody gives me So if you guys had not been smart, I would have made this a hard roll But even harder for Freddie cuz he could understand it everybody gives me a power roll with advantage Ooh, Freddie, thank you for thinking of it. Ooh. 49 out of 85, that's just a regular success. Okay.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, I got advantage. Oh yeah, we have advantage. My power is 40, I got a four. Ooh. Whoa. I got a good roll too. My power is 55 and I got a 10. My power is 25, but I got a nine, so super successful.

Okay, so you all succeeded. Yeah, we're rolling hot today, boys! So you're all hunkered down, you got your eyes closed and your ears plugged, you're under the seats. Did we see, is there like a physical projector in the room or is it like baked into the floor? It came out, it came out. Yeah, there was like on the wall, it popped open.

There was like a little hatch that popped open. Okay, was it at height where one of us could conceivably like run up and jam something into it? You'd have to climb to get up, but yeah, you could absolutely go do that. But before you do, everybody make me a disadvantaged listen roll,

because you're plugging your ears and this video is getting pretty loud. My listen is 20, and I got a 22. My listen is 27, I got 93. Oof. My listen is 40, and I got a 53. My listen's listen is 40 and I got a 53. My listen's only 25 but I got a 20. With disadvantage?

I got a one and then a 20. Oh wow, okay that's fantastic. Or whatever it is, zero, yeah. Okay great. Francis, what were you about to do? I was going to turn away from the screen which I feel like I could feel which direction the heat's coming from.

Sure, okay. So I was able to do that without looking at it. Okay. And then basically tap Trudy and Blake on the shoulder, whoever's closest to me on the shoulders And then if they do open their eyes point up at the projector and then do like a cutting throat gesture again But to do that you are looking at the projector Yeah, the light that is streaming out of this thing is also streaming out of the projector

So give me one more power roll. I'm not gonna make you keep doing this over and over again But I feel like since you're now looking, that's an escalation. All right, my power's 40, I got a 57. So as you glance up at it, to do this, you become entranced by the light, and you start to just go catatonic as you're staring at it,

and your arms fall slack at your sides, and you can feel something burrowing into your mind. You can feel something just starting to grope around at the edges of your psyche. Look at Francis. Oh no. I'm gonna stand in front of Francis and then I have my fingers in my ears

but I move my elbows around his ears to cover his ears. If you can physically do that to me, it feels like you should get away with it. And I'm kind of like headbutting him too. I'm like, oh, wake him up. So you go over to wake up Francis. Yeah, covering his face from the screen

and covering his ears with my elbows. Francis, give me another disadvantaged willpower role to see if this breaks the spell. 98, no it doesn't. As that's happening, Beth, you feel something light land on your nose. I open my eyes. That's all it takes, Beth.

Yeah. She can also like do this before she opens her eyes. I think I'd be really surprised if you're like, what the fuck is going on? That's fair, that's fair. Okay, well then two things happen. You see a moth on the tip of your nose. But then you also see the video again, so give me one more willpower roll. Okay. And I have a 55. Let me roll again. I got a 70.

Okay, so you, one moment are like, oh my God, there's a moth, is it Mothman? And then you are mesmerized by the film and you too begin to feel something burrowing its way into your brain. The other two of you, the smart ones, smart ones, you hear the door click open again. A doctor and two burly sort of like orderlies step into the room so the first person they see is Matt

Attempting to wake up Francis, so let's go ahead and do a combat initiative this one won't be too long I presume I don't have to no no you're out for now Like you ready I have a gun You pull that shit out right away fucking down the iron sights, dude pop-pop I'll even need the Hey homie That my briefcase God what a fucking moment. What a film what a picture referring collateral of course

The two goons are going for Matt and the doctor seems to be coming for you all right well I'm going to wait doctor is a woman the point blank firearm range rule says that the shooter's targets within one-fifth of their decks in feet I get a bonus yeah like 10 feet yeah I'm just gonna shoot the doctor all right so yes you're just opening fire from the jump yes you got a revolver from our friend Tony Collette And there are now seven people entering the room No, there's three but this is one of your six bullets. Go ahead and give me a firearms roll. Yes with a bonus dice 48 what's your skill 20?

So you miss but you know gunshot is a warning still yeah, yeah, so I roll 40 I'll snakes rattle yeah, so I got 48 mm-hmm have 22 so I need to get a one one or a zero Come on, baby one out of five that is a horrible 20% six so you spin around in your seat and Aim up on the docker and fire off a shot And it goes way wide and now all hell's about to break loose in this room. Question for you, Revolver, you chose like the loudest gun. I don't know how the brainwashing thing works or whatever. Does the gunshot snap them?

Like does it respond? Do I notice Francis or Trudy responding to the gunshot? Francis and Trudy, give me another disadvantage willpower roll. Ooh, now I pass. Oh, you pass. Yeah. Okay, so then you actually, yeah, the deafening sound of this gun going off snaps you out of it for a second

So you guys are also now both in the initiative order. So you did accomplish something. Okay, great. I will Do I have my bowling ball? Did you guys bring your bowling bags? I do think that we went right from the Alright, you're bowling bags. My point gentlemen, is that if we were Lithuanian bowlers, this is still a valid reaction to what is happening. Like if you're just Lithuanian bowlers, you were promised a tourist attraction and you show up, you start getting brainwashed. You'd be like, what the hell is going on and fight your way out of here?

So we can still we still keep our cover. So as the goons turns next, they see the two of you snap out of it, but they're closer to Kelsey and Francis. So they are going to go ahead and try to subdue both of you with their nightsticks, with their billy clubs. Who number one is gonna take a swing at you first, Francis? Okay, I would like to dodge. My half-deck is 30, I rolled an 18.

Oh, nice. So that's a success? Yes, not quite a super success, but yes. All right, well he got a 97, so he takes a big swing at you with his nightstick. Gets a coronary. He gets a fumble. His nightstick actually clanks on the wall and falls out of his hands

So he's gonna need to pick it up if you want to use it next turn Matt the other one is gonna take a swing at you Okay, yeah, I'm gonna fight back 25 super success cuz I have 60 so under 30 he got a normal success So BAM he goes to punch you and you give him a box. You're already in like the duck and weave position. Oh yeah, Alpha and Omega is back. So you juke him.

That's right. Give me a roll for damage. I go eat, fist, pray. Love. That you'll survive this punch. I love punches people. Love your neighbor like you love yourself. Whatever.

Roll for damage. What's your damage? One damage. OK, so you crack him on the job. That's just a taste I could do two more damage than that normally So think about how much I heard it multiply that by 200% That's what could happen no no okay, well by 300% Oh shit Oh, we know it should be two damage Sorry two damage cuz 1.5 1 and a 2 is 1 damage 3 and a 4 is 2 damage

Okay, so 2 damage Thought the doctor is now gonna take a swing at you Blake. She don't want to swing at me, buddy That's not the doctor Kelsey, it's your turn. Oh, is that I forgot that that was actually his turn So yes, it's your turn. What would you like to do? So you just snapped out suplex? We're good suplex Oh, yeah, I'm gonna try to pull the guy's head like so the neck is like, you know on the edge of the chair You know Break his neck over the chair But I feel like that would feel so good for a second.

It feels really good until it doesn't. Yeah. It's like a maneuver, right? Yeah, we'll call this a fighting maneuver. And that'll be part one of it. To pin him down, and then I think what I'll do is then, he can try to break free on his next turn, but then you can break on your next turn. Nice. Or just threaten him. Okay, cool.

Okay, so, give me a fighting brawl roll. That will be what we roll your fighting maneuver with. So 45 and my fighting brawl is 60. So normal success. OK, so he is going to try to dodge back. He got a 37 and his dodge is 35. So, yes, you grab him and you bring him down onto the chair. And on your next turn, you can try to snap his neck. Nice. Like, keep acting like we're, be like,

we just wanna be bowling, what's going on? Got it. It is the doctor's turn. The doctor is going to lunge at you, Blake, with a syringe, trying to stick ya. There's never anything good in that. No. I've never seen a movie where somebody stabs him

with a syringe and like, thanks for the fluid. Dark City. What happens in Dark City? At the end, where he stabs him with a syringe, it gives him all the memories of how to fight and some of fighting. That's kind of cool. That's not what it's in this I want to fight back with my gun. Can you fight back with a gun? Hey, buddy CQC CQC all right. Yeah, give me your firearms roll This is crazy because like we're in a situation where it's probably smarter for me to not do that.

It's a place you find yourself often, Freddie. I know. Well, you know what? I'll tell you this. I'll do a dodge. I'll try and dodge him. Which skill is higher? Dodge.

OK, well then, yeah, maybe you should dodge. Yeah, I'm a dodge. What is your firearm skill? 22. 22? Whoa. He's not good at guns. 19 on dodge. Not even, actually. Too bad He's not good at guns. 19 on dodge.

Too bad, I would have fired super success on the dodge. Super success. Okay, he got a regular success. So he takes a swing at you, and you just watch this pointy little glinty syringe needle drip in some kind of weird green goo, slide right past your neck. But he does not succeed in hitting you.

I go, what are you doing? We are just a bowling team. What is this nonsense? The film sucked. I'm gonna aim for the doctor. Okay. And I'm gonna hit him with my 13 pound bowling ball. Are you throwing it or are you swinging at it?

And what are you doing? How far away am I? That's up to you. If I'm close enough to hit him I'll just like hold on and... Just clonk him? Clonk him. I like this plan. Give me a fighting brawl roll is what we'll call that.

I got a 22. Hell yeah, what's your score? 35. 35, so that's a regular success. He is gonna try to dodge. He fails. And then what's your damage bonus? 1d4. Okay, that's great. Yeah, roll me on 1d6 plus 1d4 then what's your damage bonus? 1d4.

Okay, that's great. Yeah, Romeo 1d6 plus 1d4. Yeah, it feels better. 1d6, fuck, one. Okay. 1d4. 1d4. Two, damn it. Three damage?

Yeah. Okay, wham! He takes a big old clonk in the head and staggers back. I always have to remember that three damage is actually pretty good in this game. Yeah, no, three damage is a beefy hit. Blake, it's your turn again. I wanna just fucking nail this doctor right in the gonads with my foot

Okay, I just want to go huh and just fucking launch my foot vertically into his groin Okay, or her he or she I did say is a guy though rolled in bones rolled in bones, dude Nine off of a brawl that's a super duper success. Ooh, okay. Well, he got a 93, so you fucking clock him, dude. And because you did so well, I will say add an extra 1d4 damage on top of that. One plus four plus nine damage.

Nine damage? Whoa. He's liquid. He passes out from the pain. Like you clock him so hard that if this was like the Zucker brothers movie Like his eyes would turn into little slot machines And then like it would be like bar bar and then you fall over Francis witness that I kicked a man in the balls So hard he passed out you too can achieve this power with discipline the doctor is out All right, be a role model for Francis there. I appreciate it. I'll try.

It's in the hips. Goo number one sees his boss go down. Don't sugar coat it. He saw his boss get kicked in the nuts so hard that he disappeared from this plane of consciousness. Goo number one scowls at you, but he's got more pressing matters to attend to. He is going to take a swing at Kelsey to try to keep her from Breaking his buddy's neck. Don't worry Kelsey. He'll be turned away from me at which point I can deliver another devastating nut punch I want to just take it. Oh, you just want to eat it. Yeah. I mean, it's not gonna kill me. It's a punch, right? Yeah, it's a punch. Yeah, I got 11 HP. Yeah, but dodging doesn't hurt anything, right?

I love an HP. Yeah, but dodging doesn't hurt anything, right? You lose your grip I don't lose this grip okay on this guy this head is where I want it to be all right I don't want the head to move all right Here's what we'll also say give me a luck roll And this will be determined if he punches and then it hits like that really hard spot your skull and it goes I have 15 luck you ever like in the bare-knuckle boxing movie where like the guy punches Then they're like he leans into it and he hits him Right in the really hard part If you get lucky it'll hurt him oh nice it is not Okay, so here's for sure lucky for you. He did drop his nightstick on the previous time for biffing his last

I mean, that's why I took it Nightstick I'd probably that man has no look at his little grip couldn't even hang on to it. That man has no hands. Look at his little grip. He couldn't even hang on to it. He's gonna roll a 1d3 plus 1d4. That's a pretty big punch. 3 plus 3 so he hits you for 6. Whoa! So you take this big meaty

clock right to the skull. He takes an injury now, right? Something that does more than half your HP in one hit is like... Oh shit, you're right. Hold up he takes an injury now right yeah, I think it doesn't have your HP in one hit. It's like yeah That's okay. You're right That counts as a major wound. I regret everything it was pretty macho. That was kind of cool That was basically I'm like you know I do 1d3 I don't think you yeah, mostly get three damage on a punch maybe four or five that damage bonus dog

Okay, like the part with Thanos headbutt Captain Marvel except if Captain Marvel just died Okay, okay, like the part with Thanos headbutts Captain Marvel except if Captain Marvel just died unfortunately you are knocked off your block Oh, no, then you collapse onto the ground give me Give me your constitutional role first the constitutional role is to see if you fall unconscious if you're unconscious you're letting go no You're gonna death grip them. They're got the prior What's the thing where you like fencing is that where you Super pass by constitutional role. I very much filled that He's got a chin. Yeah, 26 and my Constitution is 54. So 27 is super So okay, you nailed it. So, okay

So yes, you as a boxer you've taken enough blows to the head to be able to grit this out. You're like There's no get like a major wound or whatever. Uh, yes, you do mark that down. Um, and that we'll say is a concussion. Okay. Cause you got like, brained into your head. Um,

Can I see if this intimidates him? Sure. I have a bad intimidate. Well, I failed. It does not. So now you're crying while recording your podcast. Yeah, I think it looks cool, but I'm going,

oh! The second goon, the one who's pinned is gonna try to break loose So he's gonna do a fighting maneuver roll, and he got a 78 So he failed Francis is your turn I'm going to desperately look for a father figure in Blake and try to do the exact same thing to the nearest baddie But you're like in them with a gun yes, I'm kicking him with a gun leg okay What no your gun legs not in there, or is it yeah? He has a gun leg. I have long sleeve pants over it. They don't know he's got a gun leg long-sleeve pants Okay, give me a fighting bra roll my fighting brawl is

71 mm-hmm and I rolled a 74. I'm going to spend three luck to make that a success He is going to do a dodge 40 he rolled a 46 so you make contact pow this is like a club basically You're kicking him with a big fucking thing of wood that feels appropriate. Give me a 1d6 plus your damage bonus 3 Anthony I will say if you want to use your freebie to also shoot this guy in the balls with Brunhilde after giving his kick Brunhilde would absolutely be okay with As much as Anthony wants it. I think Francis is gonna say Francis is wiser than that. Okay, so he's not taking three damage Kelsey it is now your turn Blake. Yes. I want you to put a gun to this dude's head

I have pinned yes, and let's, you know, let's talk this out. Like, you know, put the gun to the head and be like, what's going on? Yeah, OK, OK. And then, you know, if it feels like that's not going to work out, you can always just pull that trigger. That's what the index finger's for. The index finger's for. You tell me, I don't want turns to happen before that happens.

So I guess I can grab Blake's gun and do it myself, but I'd rather Blake do it. What we'll say then is you're going to move your turn to after Blake. Well, I could even do it to the doctor,'d rather Blake do it. What we'll say then is you're gonna move your turn to after Blake. Well, I could even do it to the doctor who's unconscious too. That's true. But he's not gonna talk. I'm a living guy sniveling, you know,

please don't shoot me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it, I got it. Yeah, you can do that. Or I could just grab the gun and do it myself, I guess. If it's my turn then. I don't wanna hold my turn until Blake's turn and have a life of its own. Why don't you get your bowling ball out of the bag

and hover it over his head. Oh, shit. Like you're gonna fucking drop. But then you can't do that and hold on to him fuck I thought you were just gonna snap this guy's neck I thought that was the plan. No, I don't want to kill him necessarily. Okay. All right He's pretty late in the game to get squeamish about killing people, but all right What do you want me to do? I would kill him. I like what you're doing there Man's life is in your hands, Beth. I guess let's hear what he has to say.

Alright, I grab, not to Blake to toss the gun to me. We're gonna hold your turn, and then you will go after Blake. No goons are gonna go between you and Blake. Okay, that's all I'm concerned about. No goons will go. No goons will go. Alright, so, Kelsey, you're holding your turn until after Blake. Trudy, what would you like to do? I'm a kill man. RulesULES FOR THEE, BUT NOT FOR ME.

I will say you still see this moth hovering doodly-flee on your nose. Yeah, I'm going to also hold my turn. All right, Blake, it's now your turn. I'm going to take my gun and jam it into the guy's mouth and go taste steel. Beg, coward. Beg for your life.

We will go ahead and say you guys are out of combat then. I't want to keep making you guys do well power roles for this fucking movie playing It's his turn than my turn right yeah, like shoot the projector. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, good call okay, and it tossed me the gun and I'll put the gun in the guy's mouth. Oh what a cool montage That's really a montage Just trying to- Bunch of quick shots! You do a bunch of fading to the hell of it. I guess in the truly Eisensteinian concept of what a mom talk. Yeah, Eisenstein's not been around yet.

He hasn't done Potemkin. Yes he has, those are the 20s. He definitely has. He definitely has. Anyway. I want to do what Matt said. I want to shoot the projector lens out. So he didn't have to worry about looking at it, huh?

Oh, that's true too, actually. Yeah, unfortunately. Couldn't I just shoot the projector from below? Describe what you want to do to me. Not to me. Whoa! Describe what you want to do to me not to me Describe what you want to do Comma to me. Oh weird. I got a phone call from will here. What is he saying? describe what you want to

Want to go underneath where the projector sort of portal is Aim directly where the projector would be using my powers of spatial extrapolation You can look up at your little part're literally underneath part of the projector. Part of the projector is protruding from the wall, so you can literally see the projector. Or you can stick your hand in there and just blind fire at it if you want. I'm gonna just put the gun right up against it

and pull the trigger. Great, all right, the projector explodes. The film powers down, the image flickers shut. And then I toss the gun to Kelsey. And I grab it. Okay. And I say, eat. And I put the gun in the guy's mouth.

Let's do a little roll for this. And then I pull the trigger. And I pull it. The gun to Kelsey grab it okay I don't know you for a reason. What did Matt say? He pulls the air. Yeah, cause it triggers the hammer. Cause it triggers the hammer. Alright, Matt. I think it's fair if you want to do that I pull the jacket. I was weird. That's such a fucking hard ass thing to say to someone before you shoot them in the mouth. Shit. Damn, Kelsey. Kelsey's hardcore. Damn, Kelsey! Kelsey's hardcore!

Oh, God. Kelsey, give me a luck roll. Oh, no. Eat. I don't know how to use guns while I'm at it. This is why you don't play with guns. Blake is like, I see. 94.

Yeah! Blake's trying to clean off his shoulder. No! Pray, no, no! Wait, how does... No! I pressed the... I pressed the... Oh, you were trying to say- I was gonna pull the hammer back and say pray!

But I said trigger! And I think that's fair that my slip, you know, is tea- we gotta teach the lesson. That's why you don't play with guns. Oh, just also because we've established your up close and personal trauma with violence. Give me a sanity roll as well. Fuck. Kelsey, you just, you shot his head off! Why'd you say eat?

I meant... Damn, Kelsey, I've met some hard motherfuckers in my time. I was gonna say pray... I didn't mean to shoot him, I pressed... Kelsey, Kelsey... I dropped the gun. Kelsey, calm down. Remember, if you did this only gun. Kelsey, calm down.

Remember, if you did this only four years ago, they would have given you a medal. My sanity is 43 and I got 39. So I pass the sanity. In the right context, Kelsey, you could be a hero. You guys are officially not attacking the other guy, right? Or what do you... There's still one guy up. There's still one guy.

I mean, we say, look, we're just a bunch. Look upon our works and despair. Eat! Pray! We just want to see the- We want to eat! We want to eat? We are hungry, we had a big match, and we just want to see the moth.

That's why we wanted to see the big moth guy in your cool building. What's going on? Blake, tell him! My, my, my, you are very special, aren't you? Wow. Yeah, we won. Is this a goon talking or a doctor? This is the goon.

This is the sole goon left. I mean, yeah, we are special. We won a competition. It's okay. It's okay. You're meant to be here. You're meant to be with us. Just sit back in your seat.

This motherfucker's out. What are you doing? I think it's time to eat. I think this motherfucker time to eat. I think this motherfucker wants to eat. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I think this motherfucker wants to eat. I know.

I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I think this motherfucker wants to eat. I know. I know.

I think this motherfucker wants to eat. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I actually think I'm just pointing a gun at him. I know. stop talking. You broke Anthony, oh no. It's okay. Everything's fine.

You're here for a reason just sit back down and listen to the words of our director Kelsey it's time to unload And he goes Kelsey smoke this fool. I'll just go ahead and get the projector set back He's gonna sell the projector that I shot he starts walking over to the door to lock it again. I shoot okay Give me a firearms. Oh me and where I have the gun 40 my firearms not great Yeah, no no no I rolled a 40 pretty close to you, so you'll give you that bonus dice Okay, yeah, my firearm is 25. That's still slightly better for so exact same thing for zero, so I fail It's so fucked that it would be better if you threw the gun at them hard

Okay, so the shot misses. Yeah, he just turns around. It's like I don't understand You don't want to see what we have to do I want to run at him and do a flying jump kick like mayor I got like mayor hagar and final fight dude all right. Give me the two You don't talk about anything right he's in the overalls And he's does the Give me a fighting brawl They got 97

So I just like sail okay Yes, you see just he just sort of like looks at you confused as you fly and crumple into the wall And he's like oh no let me help you sir and he picks you back up and starts bringing you guys Just sit in your seat. And now I'm gonna kick him in the nuts Now that he's- I'm gonna throw the bowling ball at him Jesus he's dark This guy's gonna be the fucking end boss He's like we're gonna try to kill that kid better like tomorrow

You guys are just fucking blood simple over here Trudy give me your fighting bra roll Oh my god I got an 11 You got an 11? Yes. Okay, great He's not fighting back because he realizes he's outnumbered and he's just trying to be nice and convince you guys to sit down and watch This beautiful film roll damage for me Trudy. I got a five and then my d4 Damage bonus. I got a four Kelsey I kicked a man with it in his balls so hard with a roll like that you hear his skull

I kicked a man with it in his balls so hard with a roll like that you hear his skull Fracture as you hit him with this but he does stay standing And he just turns and looks at you and his just bloods trickling down his nose. He says But but you must see you're meant to be He fumbles over to the doctor and he picks up the doctor has this radio on Starts turning the dials. Let's do the thing, let's do something, you know, let's finish this guy out. Like guys, let's just start beating,

all four of us just start beating his ass. He's just, he just, he just, all four of us, just let's just finish this, he just, all four, all four of us just beat his ass. He's like a printer in office space, He's just like a nail in the ground. He won't stop. Just let us know when he's done doing what he wants to do. Yeah, what's the stats for a four man beat down?

I'm not going to make you all for it. You guys just knock him out. Are you guys trying to kill him or are you just trying to knock him out? We're just trying to stop him from doing the other things they do. No, we're trying to stomp him. That's right. We're trying to stomp his ass. We can just knock him out if that's okay. We'll knock him out. Just, yes, paint me the picture. Oh, yeah, we just.

Yeah, we painted a picture. We're just fucking sprains on the fucking. Imagine the scene from Office Space. I'll do the soundtrack. Die motherfucker, die motherfucker, feel full. Just paint his ass. And then we're just left there with three bodies. Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump.

He's knocked out, he's splayed on the ground. The projector is broken and lies smoking in the room. The door's closed. But not locked, he was going to lock it. But not locked, and. I saw a moth. Oh, here? Is it still in here?

I don't know. Yeah, you see the moth like kind of flutters around and looks at all of you. Yes, it's here. I bet it's gonna lead us to him. Do you think? Let's open the door. I think, I hope so. I mean, it seems like the thing they wanted to do was the screen.

It'd be weird if in addition to that, also like this moths really gonna fuck him up Well, there's two options either it's moth for moth Jesus And is it lead us to him or it's just a moth and we'll open the door and the moth will just do the moth thing But are you taking to take a point I'm taking point how much how many bullets we have in the gun three bullets left Three I'm gonna like crack the door open and like see what happens to the moth the moth looks out the door Whoa, and then it? Little image of like little like peeking around the corner And then it flutters away from the door and over to a large vent

It says you bet your ass it is a fucking TTRPG And it's sort of like points to the vent as much as a mosque and do such a thing And it sort of flutters at you and as it does that you hear the radio on the doctor's hand sort of sparks to life Is everything okay? What is going on with the bowling team? Uh, hello, hello? We heard noises, we heard what sounded like loud bang. Everything's fine here now. Just give us a few seconds to lock it down. Do you need help? Do you require assistance with the Lithuanian bowlers? Nah, negative, negative. We got a leak here.

We got a gas leak, a leak. Who's doing a thing and who's doing jokes? I'm doing jokes. I get on the thing and say, everything is under control. Everything is okay? Projector malfunction, we fixed it. Is the bowling team subdued? There's a gas leak here, give us a second to look it down.

Give me a persuade roll, Freddie. Persuade? Or we can call that fast talk if you want. I don't want to call it fast talk I want to call it persuade you understand 44 out of 21 so then yeah, you hear a voice say who is this? Oh, you're coming in hard to hear you and I smashed the radio boring conversation. Anyway boring conversation anyway, no, no No, I don't smash the radio. I just turn it off and I hang on to it Nice as they tell them to bunker down that they're coming with guns. Oh good call good call

I turn back on screen. They've escaped they've escaped They're crazy and they've escaped they're coming for gun with guns Okay, give me another persuade role with advantage because everyone was doing such a good job making sound effects. 95 So he's like, who is this? This is Lithuanian Buller. Yes remain calm. Everything is fine We are sending a new team to come security Please sit back relax and enjoy the movie. A new Lithuanian bowling team? You hear a click and then you just hear like the most mild of alarms go off outside You're gonna put us in the vent Kelsey wants to pile the bodies in front of the door. Yeah, very good

Okay, so you guys are going over the vent? Yeah, and the head one I want that one to be visible What if we open the door one? That's the one they see what if we bring the doctor with us as a hostage I want to drag his ass all the way to this vent The moth has an idea I want to drag his ass all the way up to this vent. So the moth has an idea. The moth! The moth has an idea! The moth flutters over to the bodies and then like sits down on one of them.

We should sit on them! And like kind of wiggles into like under the clothes. And then like pokes its head out from under the clothes. I strip these three men naked. I put their naked bodies in front of the door and we'll figure out how we wear these costumes later once we're in the vent

I've never bought this as a strategy I feel like I pretty much know the people I work with if somebody came into the soldier shop wearing my friends clothes Crumpled up and full of blood. Yeah, but there's only like five of us. Yeah Yeah, that's you're right. It's so big here with your clothes. It's like a with a t-shirt says sloppy steaks I think it was you If someone came in with a t-shirt that said sloppy stakes, I would think it was you. I'm talking to you characters, Francis. Anthony, I'm sorry, but I feel like I would let somebody else in if they were wearing a sloppy stakes shirt. Me, me, me, I'm Polly Amerson, not Chistick. Me, me, me, let me in.

I would be like, come on in, Anthony. Anthony got a lot nicer. Trudy, should we take all the clothes? Yes. Okay. Even if we don't wear them, it'll be perfect misdirection. They will come in, they will see all these naked people. Yes.

And they will think, surely they are dressed like us, but little do they know we are- We're not. Wait. Yeah, they're gonna come in and see the bodies of the clothes. That means they immediately know we're gonna be dressed as those guys. But we won't put on the clothes. Unless we don't dress as them, Anthony. Okay, so we're gonna hide their clothes somewhere?

Yes. Yes, correct. The ultimate misdirection. Kelsey you've clearly infiltrated government facilities. I will take their badges though so that we can get access to any secret doors that they might have. Ooh that's clever. Also what you're presuming with this plan is that

if we, dressed like bowlers, walk past they're gonna go, nah those guys are definitely not scientists. We're looking for scientists. Well they are looking for scientists. Well, they are looking for scientists. Look, we have- which we will not be dressed as. This game has infinite inventory as far as we can tell, so let's just grab the clothes in case we need it later. All right. It's like a point-and-click adventure. Yeah. Where will this fishing rod come into play? The guy who ate the bullet, I ripped the clothes off them and I put that corpse against the door first. Okay. Anybody else taking another corpse or just else got it all by herself.

Everyone else doing it, that's really easy. I'll help as much as I can. We're all helping. So you strip the clothes off of everybody, you don't wear them and put them into like a little, We're holding them. Just got like a little bindle bundle. We got our bowling bags.

Oh, that's right. That's right, yeah, yeah. Stuff the clothes in your bowling bags. And we always go to the vet. Oh, question, question, question, question. Do we find anything in their pocket seats? Well Beth already search their pockets you find like some badges, so you know their names we got key cards

And then yeah, you've got they each had a radio on them and one anime keychain No, the anime would didn't exist. Yeah, pretty did any of them have little sweets little sweets Dude these people don't eat sweets they have no God and nor sweets one of them have a little sweets? Little sweets? Little sweets? No dude, these people don't eat sweets. They have no god nor sweets. One of them had like crumbled up cracker crumbs in his pockets. That's why communism doesn't work. I want to get a little sugar water for the little moth.

Sugar water! Sugar water! Sugar water! Sugar water! Should we go in the vent? Can we inspect the vent? Alright, get in the vent Shinji. Alright so- Oh and we leave the door wide open as if we ran out that way. Yes. No, we're using the bodies to block the door. Oh, good call. Good call.

The door is blocked and we're in the vents. Either way, somebody should stay behind and pull the vent cover back onto the vent. Yes. Yeah, we want to get in the vent and pull the cover so we can go to the vent. That can be the moth's job. I don't think the moth's going to be able to do that. Wait! We have mind control juice. We have to leave for Timmy. It's not complicated.

Hey, we were saving that. Will let us already do this. What we thought we will say we could get the minute closer behind us. It's already done. We did it. We did it. We did it. We did it.

We don't got to figure anything else out. We're in the bench. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most? When your famous grainy mustard potato salad isn't so famous without the grainy mustard. When the barbecue's lit but there's nothing to grill. When the in-laws decide that actually they will stay for dinner. Instacart has all your groceries covered this summer, so download the app and get delivery in as fast as 60 minutes. Plus, enjoy $0 delivery fees on your first three orders. Service fees, exclusions, and terms apply. Instacart, groceries that over-deliver. Achoo! We are in the vents now. You guys are scooting and squishing through this vent.

What's our order? Yeah, what's your stack? Who's behind the moth? I think Trudy is following us. I think Blake should be in the back with a gun pointing towards the vent. I'm scooting back like with my ankle pointing back towards the thing, you know like... I'm behind Trudy. You're behind Trudy, so girls in front, boys in back. Women in front. Thank you. Alright, so you're scooting and shuffling, this moth is leading you along.

And as you're worming your way through this thing Through the slats you start to see little glimpses of this massive complex that you're in Among the sights you see you hear that again this sort of like chill boop boop of these sort of like mildly concerned alarm going Off around really concerned alarm. Everyone's like hey something's going wrong, but everyone's very calm about it Interesting see scientists and more sort of guards like sort of walking through the hallways, keeping an eye out. As you look down into this room where there's just three weird guys in what seem like old timey diving suits just standing around in a small room, give me a listen roll.

As required, I'm going to hold up one of the many things we got from the clothes, which is that syringe the doctor had. Oh, I like that. I'll make sure that we know that we have it. Yeah, like that in your teeth or something Yeah, yeah my teeth listen. Who is the best listen? I have 40 better than mine better than mine. All right. I'm rolling I got a 28 the dudes below you in the diving suits you can do to blow us They're just standing there, but you can barely make out the muffled sound of them crying

They're crying they're just standing in this room kind of facing each other and then you just hear like the muffled sound of them crying. Through their penis. They're crying? They're just standing in this room, kind of facing each other, and then you just hear like light muffled sobs. That sounds wonderful. And it's all the, like if we stayed there a little while longer, they would just continue to do that? Yeah, are they staying anything during their crest? I mean, you could stay there if you want. Do you want to stay and wait? I guess we can keep going. We have to keep moving.

Keep moving. It's like a slow horror ride. As you scooch around, you hear like a sort of jackhammering sound off in the distance And you approach one of these vents and through it you see this big hangar Bay And you see Mothman ship inside a couple of these guys are just basically trying to break the door down But they're having zero luck whatsoever. They're just pounding at the door. How do they get Mothman? How do we know they have no luck? Those guys remember they can spend luck to get they have no luck? Those guys, remember, they have zero luck.

So if we keep it in our mind, according to Will, the people in the hangar have zero luck. So they can't spend any luck. We'll just say they're having no luck. They're not successfully getting into the ship. How do you think they got Mothman out? Do you think Timmy's still in there? I don't know. We didn't see Timmy in the video, right?

No, you guys didn't see him. You didn't see the hide nor hair of Timmy. Does the ship look like it has any carbon birds on it? What does that mean like bullet holes and stuff? Why did you just say bullet holes because I was making a Star Wars reference carbon scoring well actually yes There is because you see people have been trying to go at this thing with a blowtorch Drills nothing has had any effect. They're trying to get in they're trying to get in there must be a code that Mothman has set I have a feeling that knowing nothing. I bet if you went in there, it would probably open for you.

That's my guess. Well, that's the last thing we should do then. Yeah, because I'm scared that if we get in and we find Timmy, what are we going to do then? How are we going to get out? We don't know how to fly it. And the reason they want to get in could be really fucked. There could be like a nuke on there or something. We don't want to let them get in any sooner than we have to.

Yeah, stupid idea, Kelsey. Keep moving. No, Mothman would not put a nuke on ship with my son I mean, maybe a game with the nuke no he wants to eat the world at some point remember at some point This is Matt thinking and like Doctor Who logic was like if we get into the TARDIS will bring us the doctor Timmy's in there maybe Timmy's in there that would Timmy's in there. That would be good. I hope Timmy's safe in there. I'm sure he is. I hope the TARDIS can bring us to the doctor. God, what a stupid show. How dare you. How dare you.

The moth kind of like floats up to you guys and is like, you want to keep going? Oh, sure. No, it doesn't say that. It's just... It does it with the body language. It says it in Russian, so only Blake can hear it. So I didn't realize that this tour was just look and no talk. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Just like meticulously recreated. There's a guy in a robe like waving incense over it. Who knows what the fuck he's doing I can see my house from here There's one Matt Arnold looking dude just killing it on the miniatures

Fuck it is dick suck too. He's surrounded by babes try painting Mitchell this Try painting a miniature while this happens. Wait, what's- The sword fight! Good, isn't she? Yeah. Try painting a miniature. What's the sword fight scene? At the light, try painting a miniature while this happens.

Yeah, he specifically said, try to hack while this happens. Fucking YouTube thumbnail ass fucking thing. You won't believe what happened when I tried to paint this mini. Trying to hack while this happens. Trying to paint a mini while not gacking. And finally you come to a... Finally you come? Good day.

Finally you arrive at the sort of like end of the line here and you arrive at an event that is peering down at what appears to be like a security room. Security camera. There's a guard looking at a bunch of monitors. He's very just sort of enraptured just staring at these monitors below you. It's nice to love your job. Yeah. The moth slips through and goes into the security room and just kind of perches on top of this bank of monitors.

How many people are in the security room? Just one. Oh. I have an idea. In Project Heartland, we were guided by Arlo, the computer dog. Maybe there's a Russian Arlo. Arlovich?

Yes. I don't know if there's any evidence that that thing exists. Oh, I just thought, you know, if we could hack into the security system somehow. Well, Trudy, are you not part computer? You can hack. Huh, you're right. You speak speak the language you know Unix systems System I know this I want to slowly open the vent stealth or dexterity whichever you want wait if it's stealth

We should let the stealthiest person do it. That's me. That's Francis, but Francis is not in the prime Yeah, but we can't move around we're going to all walk over the vent to the This is not in the prime. Yeah, but we can't move around we're going to all walk over the vent They can unload the train car at any point Yeah, the train just has to go a little further you guys scooch through the vent so that Francis is at the vent Unfortunately, I rolled a 32 so it's only a super success because I have a 90 step Yes, you carefully cautiously Open this vent there's now nothing but wide open air between you and the top of this guy's head I guess I'm the biggest I could just drop on him

And then you guys can hop down and I'll help you down. Okay, but you have to drop on him quietly Yeah, I mean let me talk to the matter once he hits. Yeah. Well, maybe he has friends nearby That's a really good point actually I should take that back Okay, I'm gonna drop down if I look up worried Yeah, well, maybe he has friends nearby I'm gonna drop down if I look up worried that means there's more friends I'm happy that means there's nobody else in here. Okay, you crossed over it. So you're gonna have to back up out Where is your bowling ball bag with me? Okay, so it's like in front of you. You just drop a bowling ball I'm gonna hold my bowling ball I'm gonna drop down and yes, I'm going to try to make the bowling ball hit him on the way down But I'm also just landing on him. Okay. I love that. I don't even think this is like an attack

Gravity happens. All right And then the other three people fall that we speed Each one of his individually coming to fall in as well people I think we've got a way to break this game Just beat everybody's ass you're fine If you're four people just rolling dice and swinging fists nothing can stop you in the middle of these four players I think it's not in the middle of these four players These fall damage rules 1d6 per 10 feet and so then a fall from a ceiling that would be 1d6, okay All right. Yeah, give me a 1d6, but do I get like less damage because I'm landing on him instead of like the ground

No, this is for him. This is call an ambulance, but not for me. This is for him. Hell. Yeah, he takes One I will let you spice it up a little bit if you're holding the bowling ball under you and you're gonna clonk him in the head because it'll be the sort of concentrated force of the bowling ball. Give me a 1d4 for the bowling ball. Two, three damage.

Okay, you land on him. You've basically just clonked this guy onto the ground. What is everybody else doing? I'm watching for Kelsey to smile or grimace. Is there anybody else in this room? No, he's smiling Okay, I hopped down too, but I tried not to land on Kelsey. Okay, that's what that motion was. Yeah When you're hanging on to something you can kind of like slither an air to like not land where you thought you were gonna land

Okay, so you're not trying to land on the guy. I'm not trying to land on Kelsey. Okay, well Kelsey's on top of the guy, so you're just trying to land in the room. Yeah. She's trying to land, so imagine there's like four corners around the guy, that if one person was in each corner, you could just beat their ass.

So she's landing on one of the different corners of Kelsey. And everybody else is gonna land around him. Great, all right, You all do that. And then, Kelsey, give me a fighting maneuver roll to assume grapple this guy so your friends could beat his ass, right? Yeah. Fighting brawl, 60, and I got a 48. Okay, great. So you grapple him. He's gonna get one chance to break out. And then the rest of you are gonna get a chance to beat the shit out of him. You know those videos of white blood cells that surround

Like the virus That's just how we're moving That's just how we're moving through the space He got a 91 so he wriggles like he's just very confused and now yes die motherfuckers from off to space starts blank This is why we're called guttural scream Yeah I'm gonna kick him in the gut from off to space starts playing. Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat. This is why we're called guttural scream. Yeah. Having a kick up in the gut.

So he just pan out of the room as you're thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. Guys, if we just keep isolating bad guys one by one, we can do this literally forever. Oh, yeah. Let's look at what he's watching. Somebody should make like a Belgians all game where you move with four people.

I don't know how fun that'd be. He just, cause it's, Somebody should make like a bongos all game where you move with four people Come back and I don't know if you've tied him up or yeah, we tie him up. Okay. What's left of him? That ass looks pretty fucking beat. He's dead. He's tied up. Trudy, do you want to talk to Moth? What do we do now we're in here? I guess we look at what he was watching. Oh, okay. Security cameras.

Yes, you see this bank of monitors in front of you that are showing you little blips and blorps from throughout the facility. Moth, which one should I look at? The Moth lands on a camera called director's office. And it's the same glowing pile of scrap that you saw in the footage before you all got temporarily hypnotized. But it's glowing and radiating and even again, the image of the monitor seems to even be a little bit more staticky. Like there's just something powerful coming off of this thing. In front of it, the camera switches to another angle in the room, and you see that Mothman is shackled to a post,

just tied up in front of this thing. And he's sort of writhing and groaning, but resisting some horrible thing that's trying to take hold of him. Oh no. And the Moth wiggles over and crawls across the screen. And then as you're watching, you see a door slide open in the footage

and two guys in those diving suit kind of apparatuses step in and they're dragging someone with them. And it is the bus driver who picked you up in the middle of the woods. It's like a member of your spy team, essentially. The guy who ended the, he seems to have gotten caught, he's all beat up. They must have four guys.

All right, all right, all right, he's all beat up. They must have four guys. No! No! No! No! No! Holy shit! As he gets dragged closer and closer to this glowing radioactive pile of metal, he just starts screaming and struggling. He's like, no, no, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

And you can literally see him starting to fall apart as he's dragged towards it. His skin burns more and more, and these like boils start appearing on his face, and his eyeballs start to bleed, and by the time they've brought him up, he's just basically a pile of gooey flesh and bone. And then the two-

But nothing happens to the guys in the suits. Nothing happens to the guys in the suits. The guys in the suits turn around and walk back out the door. Moth Jesus is attached to Hal. He's just like Christ-like shackled to a- door while Jesus is attached how he's just like Christ like shackled to yeah he's just like like Christ was the I just even go neon Genesis to shackles yeah he's like tied up we also like we don't necessarily have to get that close to

like find like we can find a way to break the shackles from far like I think Trudy starts freaking out like how are we supposed to do this? How are we supposed to get that close to a very dangerous thing to help Moth Jesus to help my son to get the ship out of here? It's just impossible. I'm sure Timmy is safe. I'm sure that's why Moth Jesus would keep him in the ship.

Right? And they can't get in the ship. And it looks like those suits are safe. So we just gotta get to those suits and we gotta get Moth Jesus would keep him in the ship, right? And they can't get in the ship. And it looks like those suits are safe. So we just gotta get to those suits and we gotta get Moth Jesus. I mean, where the ship is. But they were crying in the suits. Well, maybe they're little bitches.

Oh. I mean. You ever consider that? No, I hadn't. All the people were crying that were waiting in there. Yes. It may still affect you. Maybe he's just gotta do it really fast.

Okay. Even with the suits, maybe it really hurts you getting close to it. Yeah. But we just gotta do it really fast. Okay. Even with the suits, maybe it really hurts you getting close to it. Yeah. But we still gotta save Moth Jesus. Yes. So let's find our way to that room. Moth.

The moth just looks at you. Can you hack this? Can you fly from one camera to, like you know the layout of this place, right? Just leave the suit where Moth Jesus is. Are you really gonna spot the moth? No, we need to go where the suits are. Oh yeah, suits first and then to Moth Jesus.

As the moth flies across the panel, because you see a couple of things. You see the director's office, this room. Outside of it, you see a reception area in front of the director's office with this person slumped up over a desk that appears to be the director's receptionist. You see on another monitor- They like slumped up over a desk that appears to be the director's receptionist. You see on another monitor-

They like slumped up like dead or like- They just slumped up, just not dead, but just like- Okay. Just barely hanging on. Okay, so something's happening to them. Yeah, and again, each one of these little things are labeled, the camera. You see a commissary where there's a bunch of these smiling, sunburned people just sort of all eating bowls of slop basically, just bowls of gruel silently

at these long cafeteria tables. You do see a couple of guys in those diving suit, apparati in the commissary. They're just standing under a spigot and having this like slop dumped into the top of their helmets. Whoa. Like the same slop they're eating?

Yeah. Oh cool. I think that's great. You see a camera marked human resources and you see this old grandmotherly lady, like with a bunch of candles and incense, and you know, in this sort of weird librarian office. There might be a pun in all there.

I would be careful. Oh. We want the suits. Can we see in any of the cameras, like is there like? Yes, you see a camera that is the room where the three guys were standing. Yeah, and are there like suits like empty, like is that where they store suits?

No, that's just there's three guys. Okay, we can't see any places like. Not that you can see. And we can deduce that because they're literally feeding them in the suits That they're people they kind of I don't know that but also that like it must be hard to get in and out or they just Stay in them for a long time. Yeah, that's very fair Cuz like if it was easy to get it now, they would just take their hummus off and eat like a normal person That's really true, but they still have to like have some way of getting them out. Yeah, how do they pee? Probably just in the suit. Oh

God the dream they probably have a hole at the top of the head The sock comes in and then they have like their shoes are kind of like little filters. Yeah The shoes are probably like little like strainers. So only the pee can come out but number two stays in the boot with you The last monitor you see is a monitor that says informational terminal parentheses Leica and Next like the dog see a microphone on a table next to a jar of milk bone treats What do you think should we go to where like I is that seems like a good idea pretty fucking good Okay, well, we're all here now. We might as well like you know

I'm not saying it's the perfect disguise But why be better if we look like scientists like just at a glance is probably better than our turn clothes Kelsey you can't wear the doctor's outfit. Why not your woman can't be women. I mean women can't be doctors Oh, it's true. We should dress like the job that we want, and I don't wanna be a doctor, I wanna be a teacher, so Blake, you can have the doctor's outfit. Ah, very good. I'll have a guard outfit. Oh, wow.

I'm a big strong guard now. Yes. Er. Drew, are you a guard too? We all gotta be guards. I'll be a guard. Let's hear your guard voice. Oy, what's all this, isn't it?

Isn't it? Oy. Oy. Oy. What's all this then, isn't it? Isn't it? I'm just like Francis you tell us how to be a card then All right, we got it locked in We're locked it. I think we try not to talk if we don't have to All right, moth the moth leads you out the hallway Confidently like you got somewhere to be you're not looking at looking at anybody for anything. Who's got the highest disguise skill?

I have 40. I have five. Wow. Five. Five. Pretty crazy, none of us thought disguises would matter in this game. I thought. Yeah, good job.

I got an eight. You got an eight? Yeah. Oh, spend that three luck. Yeah, why not? Well, let's see what Trudy rolls. All right, Trudy, roll the bones. 82.

I will spend three luck. It's a group. It was a group roll. So it's whoever, whoever one of you makes it, I'm gonna let the bones. 82. I will spend three luck. It's a group. It's whoever one of you makes it, I'm going to let the group do it. And next time, I will do the role. So you guys don't know how good your disguise is. But I will allow it for now. We also walk like a flying V. So that way, we can always just like,

you know, just surround somebody like you like. Walk around like that. Yeah, right, right, right. And beat their ass. The claws of death as it were. Yeah, the claws of death. Walk around like the claws of death. Right, right, right. And beat their asses. The Claws of Death as it were. Walk around like a Claws of Death.

Alright, so you fly. I don't think you can do a flying V with four people. Yeah. Quack. Who's at the center of the V? Think about a square, four people in a square, and they just open that up. Here's what it is. The two people are kind of side by side.

The other two in the wings are ready to close off any avenues of escape. Exactly. It's really just two people a little wider and farther. That's great, because then if you have to run, you turn around, now you got a tip of the spear. Just to clarify, I just want to make sure you understand. If we turn around, we actually move, so we reverse back into the flying V. We never fly tip of the spear.

We always go into... To as be... Asstrap? Yes, asstrap. All right, so yeah, you manage to, in your flying V formation, walk down the hall. You pass one or two other people on their way but they don't suspect anything they give you a friendly wave even the first time Francis ever really confident his life

Wow and yeah you make it to this room the information room the door is unlocked and you step inside and sure enough you find yourselves once again at a little desk and in front of the desk you see horrifically medically altered dog with a bunch of wires poking out of it it's see a horrifically medically altered dog with a bunch of wires poking out of it it's not a severed head like Arlo but Laika is like jacked into a bunch of electro tubes and wires and is in kind of like an iron lung situation. Man we really are more similar than we are different huh? Laika sees you coming and says approach who goes there? Is he speaking English or

Russian? He's speaking Russian. Okay, who goes there? Who is this? Hello, who are you who is this you are new smell what should I say? Who's a good boy girl, sorry, like a girl who's a good girl who is a good girl? What is this coach you speak? I only answer questions for treats! Lyca is strong dog, but Lyca needs a reward. Give me treat! What is a treat? Well, there's a box of them. Ah! So you see this jar and there are four milk bones in the jar. So we get four questions.

So we have four things we can ask in return for treats. Oh, okay. Yes. Great. Shall we arrive at consensus for what the questions we should ask? We should ask what is happening at the elephant's foot that destroys people. I think the first question we should ask is, who's a good girl to give her a treat? And Lika's like, Lika's a good girl, Lika's a good Soviet girl, Lika's a good cosmonaut.

Sorry, it just feels like we should just give her one without, you know, expecting anything from her. She's a nice dog. That's fair. That's fair. We got three questions. Question number one, Laika. Oh, over here, over here.

Yes. What is going on with the elephant's foot that causes everybody to go crazy and get hurt? Elephant's foot, what do you mean by elephant's foot? The room with the big low, we think. Ah, yes, you mean the site director. Yes. That thing itself is the site director? Ah two treats gone. I will not answer that question. Another treat give me another treat. That's okay that doesn't count.

We inferred it. We inferred it. Okay so no so that is the director. The site director. Oh this is very busy day. Today is a big great glorious day for Project Motherland. You see we have captured the spaceman, the space moth and the director is busy trying to the spaceman, the space moth, and the director is busy trying to get information out of this space moth. Rekal Citron, very stubborn, the space moth, will not let us onto his ship, but we will find a way. We will find a way into the ship, and then we will fly the ship high into the sky,

high into the night sky, and use what is inside to commence the hour of the whole. I relay that. Okay, can we ask if there's an American boy they found? No, don't. No? You don't want to ask Laika? Because if they haven't,

then you just told them that there is one. Oh, okay. Well, this is Laika. Okay. You don't want to know if Timmy's here? What should we do? Should we ask? We can assume that Timmy is here.

You are right. We must be careful of what strange information we feed into this. Yes. Would it be worth asking like, where are the spare diving suits or like how to get into the diving suits easily? That's a good idea. Well, we ask because we can find times where we ask why they're crying in there so we

know how dangerous. Oh, that's cool. It is to go to it. Yes. Like the men who are crying over here, over here. Look at three. Yes. Why are they crying?

So what is so dangerous about that? First? Give me three We'll start your answer. Forgive me three, then I will answer. Okay You speak of the office technicians the director's office technicians Yes, the men who are permitted to walk in and out of the room It is very strenuous job psychologically mentally and it is also job you once you do you do forever So it is very sad life. We let them cry Okay, so maybe it's not the suit. Maybe also very painful suit very painful. Just having the suit on is very painful We let them cry because suit is painful and life is hard

How many cookies I only see one more cookie. That's breaking the treat in half I only see one more cookie. That's true. Try breaking the treat in half. Oh! I break the treat in half. Like away from him. You're like, oh, I found one.

King Solomon over here. You break the treat in half? Yeah. Okay, you're right. We only have one more treat, and I can hold the other one. So we'll see if they notice if only half the treat goes into the mouth.

All right, give me a stealth rule to break the treat without like a hearing. I failed. I got 36 after one. Who broke treats? Who broke the treat? Slippery fingers, it's all the same once it goes in. I failed. I got three. So who broke the tree? Slippery fingers. It's all the same. I once it goes in, I bet there are tastes two separate treats in my mouth for

next street. We have one more question. Perhaps we can dangle this treat in front of like a inner exchange for hardcore shit, like full system shutdown or, or, or what have you, you know, like get her to hacks. Moth Jesus can open the ship or assuming Timmy's in the ship. Once we get Moth Jesus, we just gotta run to the ship. We gotta find a way to get Moth Jesus out of that room.

Yes. Now, Moth Jesus appears to be on some kind of crazy cross. Maybe ask if there's a way to, we don't know if the shackles are just purely mechanical or if they're like, you know, is there like, are they attached to a machine? Like, is there a way to unhook him? Ah, here we go.

Let me ask that. I have an idea. Lyca, this is an unscheduled drill. We need to release Mothman as a test of our security systems. What's the easiest way to do that? I have two treats. I know you do not have two treats. I heard the break. I heard only one treat. But the experience will be like having two treats. I heard only one treat. But the experience will be like having two treats. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Intriguing. Easiest way would be for Laika to press button and release Mothman. Oh, great. Would you like to do this for a treat? Laika would be happy to do this for a treat, but you are out of treats. Well, you might know where they keep the treats, right?

Laika, hear me out. This answer is infinite treats. A bargain. The answer to this question leads to many treats You see you hear like The coolant fans in the room are like working hard Because like this is like a level of abstract thought like I hasn't had to do it a while you say I help you and you help me get

Many three all right your communist it feels like you should have that idea baked in What communism is not idea of one person having many treats it is idea of all people having equal number of treats That's really if you were a real communist you would know this I just don't you know you scratch my back. I scratch your thing About who believes what we're just talking about treats here, and we all believe you should get more treats. Yes. Also, real communists would just help their fellow communists even if they didn't have treats.

Hmm, hmm, hmm. There is one room I do not know anything about. I know only name of room. What? It is called Treat Room. Hmm. I have really good news for you, Leica. Treat Room is in reception area of director's office, but I do not know what is called Treat Room. I have really good news for you, Laika. Treat Room is in reception area of director's office,

but I do not know what is inside Treat Room. They will not show me, no matter how much Laika begs. Laika? Yes. Can I just ask a, you can decide, because I already gave you a treat. I gave you a treat just by asking if you're a good girl. I just kind of have one question,

see if you'll answer this or not. Tilt strip ass fucker. Yeah, I was just asking if this, I just want to know, and I hold up the syringe, like do you know what this does? Oh You see like I like looks at it. It says yes, like I does know what this does. Can you tell me? I just once told you I do not have a treat. I think it's a good thing So I'm going to inject you with it unless you want to tell me what it is No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no will know where you are at all times. Laika is upset. Laika do not like people who threaten Laika.

I can't handle all these animals not liking me. Oh and then Laika goes, What is smell? Is there cat in here? You lied! You said Marbles was dead. Yeah you hear Marbles going, You bring cat into Laika room?

Get out! get out now! Do you like to eat cats? Oh! Ha ha ha ha ha! Laika's like, Not only treats? Laika would eat cat. Laika give you everything you need

if you let Laika eat cat. This is a more of a, We can't do that! This is a telltale game. I love this! Do you risk getting caught to go get more treats, or do you give the cat up? Like a eat cat this is a telltale game Do you risk getting caught to go get more treats or do you give the cat up? I think we could probably go fight the street. All right, let's go for the cat up and look right at it like marbles Can you do better? Get marbles. You're asking marbles. What what are you asking marbles? Can you do better than you have? Oh my gosh It's not marbles. Oh

Can you do better than you have? Oh my gosh, it stopped Marbles' fault? Why are you asking Marbles? Marbles isn't like a, Marbles can't talk. Marbles just looks at you with its big, like it's got one green eye and whatever, red eye, and it's like, mwah. Like it's just like, mwah. Like it senses that you're mad at it,

and it really, it's really upset. Because it's like, what did I do wrong? Blake, my favorite person in the world, meow, meow, meow. We let the, Meow, meow, meow, meow. Grr, grr, grr. Now that Lyca sees this fucking cat Laika's pissed

let's get into the V the beat ass V the beat ass V it's so intimidating V stands for beat ass and then Laika's like you must hurry I do not like you you have ten minutes to get treats for Laika alright

I respected your sacrifice for your country but now you're getting kind of annoying I want to use psychology to see why it is that Laika is so psyched about all the things that have been done to like it because I suspect if it's the Laika She went up into space and was fucking terrified and didn't know what was going on And then she got back and then they plugged her into a bunch of electrodes What's still making her care about the communist cause? Oh, okay? So what are you asking? Why are you willing to go so far to help all these people that deny you treats every single day and keep you plugged into

This when you could have infinite treats because when I was in space when they launched me up I made contact with greater power treats. which you could only imagine. Lyca knows the sweet embrace that the powers that be, when they come to this world, they will merge with the world. They will turn this world into a beautiful alien organism like them and all the people who tortured Lyca will die and Lyca will be part of something greater and more powerful. No one will hurt Lyca ever again. Here's the thing, in that vision of the future,

you didn't mention treats. Oh, fucking, I like treats. What do you want from me didn't mention treats fucking I like treats what do you want I am dog I like treats I cannot escape what dog likes dog like streets like a stock like I want to like a house powers that be no I understand I like treats too I work in a treat shop you do I do it's called a three shop but you have no treats or like if we get back there I'll definitely get- well fuck, you live there with me. But the main thing I'm pointing out is if they come and they absorb you, you'll never be able to eat another treat again.

They'll absorb everything, there won't be any more treats. You won't be you anymore. Bro single-handedly taking down communism. I was gonna say, it's like, yeah also Laika let's just not judge- Hey, hey, Karl Marx, put in no treats. Also, like, let's not throw a shade about who's a communist and who's not. Everything you just said is really not communist.

It is ultimate the form of communism, collectivism. All becoming one, one becoming all. Okay. But what if we all don't eat treats? Francis, I have a quick question. Yeah, what's up? The only leverage we have over this dog is treats. So why are you trying to make him not care about treats?

I'm trying to make him understand that if he gets what he wants he'll never have another treat again and his only hope for getting more treats is us. Ah, oh that's good. Okay, I like this. Give me a psychology roll. My psychology is 80. Oh, and I got a 14, which is a super duper success. Wow. OK. Do you just stealth and psychology build? Yes.

Those are the only two things I'm good at and I rule with them. So like again, like you hear clicking and chunking and clunking going on behind the scenes, like parts of the equipment around her are starting to spark. Micah's like, You're right, if I follow powers that be, I will gain power. But what good is power if power cannot be used to acquire treats?

And I will not have treats. There will be no treats in the entire universe because the universe will become one. And I will, Micah's very confused. Micah's confused. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay We want to get you treats you will get to be true. So I'm not even yeah. Yeah, okay Yeah, we want to get you three. Why you heard like I was thinking I mean cuz it's hard. It's hard

We all help you get treats. How can I help you get the rates? These people will not give me treats How do I get treats? We had some extra questions. That's all We all get mothman out there if you could hack the thing to make Mothman escape you said you could get rid of yes absolutely okay okay like I will help you like I will do this for you oh great we don't have to go into the room we can just oh you have to go in the room you like a treats oh yeah no we're gonna go into the treat room you could do treat room and you get Lyca treats and Lyca will open door. Yes.

Okay, so you want treats first. You will get Lyca treats. Just promise. Yes, promise. Promise. Lyca is going to help us get the treats. I'm telling the truth. Yeah.

Lyca closes her eyes and you hear like, do-do-boop-boop-boop and then she just looks at you and says, he's done. Oh, we're going out as the four doctors. Lyca, I will be back. I promise. Okay, you come back. You come back and you like a treat Yes, so we don't know what exactly Mothman is doing other than he was freed all of a sudden. Yes

He's very powerful. You can find stuff Trudy. It seems like you and Mothman have a connection Is there any way like you can like talk? What makes you say that? You just kind of light up yeah seems like he knows when you're talking. I'll press one of my moles. I'll press mole number 20 Give me a luck roll. You're never gonna press my mole. I'm sorry. I don't know what number your mole is I have 33 luck and I rolled an 82 mole number 20. You know what Matt? We'll make this one your mole You have What? You hover six inches off the ground. Whoa! Dude, robot class is so O.D. Trudy, that's crazy.

Yeah, that's not really what I wanted to do. I wanted to talk to Mothman. Yeah, but you're kind of like a moth now. Oh, I feel closer to him than ever. I wonder if it's six inches off the ground. Like, you know, like if you went off a cliff, would you like drop down six inches or does it keep going? The old hover boot can unjump.

I don't know. OK, well, that's it's nice. It's quieter. You probably get some stealth advantage. You get advantage on your stealth. Well, the real question is, the real question is, yes, can she walk? No, I just push her. I feel like I move like the sexy alien in Mars Attack. You make your way down the hallway, the moth leads you through the corridors,

you pass a couple of people. People are starting to definitely like, they're like, something's going wrong here. Yeah, we look around like, I don't know, it's been going for a while. Oh, no, yeah. That's why we're in this beat-ass pose in case anything happens. Yeah.

We're fucking ready to go. Every time we go, this alarm must be here for some reason. Assume the beat-ass formation. You make your way to the director's office. As you enter, you see the secretary who is in this room, because it's right on the other side of this massive area that this horrible thing is in.

It's unnaturally bright in here. The paint is starting to peel off of the walls. The wallpaper is peeling and curling. This poor woman behind this desk seems to have been sitting here way too long. She's like the guy from Waterworld. She's got like, she's hooked up to like a couple of IV drips. Oh.

And her hair's fallen out, and she's got like this glassed over look in her eyes and like you can see like these boils Just slowly emerging on her skin. We don't even have to beat her Your uniforms have gloves the doctors got rubber gloves whoever's pretending to be the doctor's pretty to be the doctor Kelsey Yeah, it's Blake Blake's got rubber I couldn't be a doctor to make sure she doesn't hit a silent alarm. Oh. So the woman looks up at you and she's like, you have an appointment. Yeah.

Yes, with the director. She like turns to look at this calendar. But first, we have an appointment with the treat room. The treat room. Yeah. Yes. We're here to restock. You're here to restock the treat room.

We don't need her, right? We can just. We're here to restock Look we came here to beat ass and we're all Into the corner or something. I don't think we need a fighter. She seems like oh lady We don't be beat her just you know just yeah push her in the corner Yeah, push your little rolling card in the corner. I just you go up to her to push her in the corner Yeah, okay. her in the corner. Push her in the corner. Push her in the corner. Okay, so you go up to her to push her in the corner? Yeah. Okay. Ah, god damn it. She's gonna be all powerful as shit.

Aw man. She's gonna be all fucking Cthulhu shit. Aw man. Just get ready for it. Moth uses behind, right? Moth uses right outside. He's right on the other side of that door, yeah. It's unlocked or whatever.

Oh gosh. So Kelsey, as you approach her, and you go to beat her ass. No, I'm not beating her ass. You're just trying to shove her. I was approaching her as an elderly lady, just be like, oh sorry, ma'am, don't worry about us. We just, you know, beat her ass. No, I'm not beating her ass. You're just trying to shove her. I was approaching her as an elderly lady, just being like, oh sorry ma'am, don't worry about us, we just, you know, we're here, we gotta do some stuff.

Step back please, step back please, step back please. The director's in a very important meeting right now. Yeah, we're supposed to be in there. No, you're not. He's discussing something very important with a very obstinate person, and he asked to not be disturbed all day. I turn around, looking at my three friends,

I show you we're nodding. We're nodding, we're nodding. We're nodding. What should we do? What should you, nodding what? Be that? Yes. Even with how long it took Will to look up rules?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Should we still be that?

I think we should still be ass. I think my character would not know that. And thus Francis would want to be ass. But we'd be ass all together. That's how we do it. We don't still be ass. Okay, I step back into my spot of the formation. The formation is one moves across the desk.

If we all want to go around this lady, let's go into the treat room first and see if she does something Please take a seat and the director will see you when he's ready You said you're not gonna be disturbed all day. We know we're gonna be waiting here. Okay, we're gonna go in the treat room We're gonna go in the treat room. We need to go to the limits the treat room. You require permission from the director EAT! laughter Blake that's not us you Pray! Wink wink Ah yes please um

Skip the last one This will only take a moment And then we just start beating ass Freddy should never play basketball he does not recognize an alley oop when he sees one You have a gun! Oh you want me to shoot her? That's what I think Anthony when he said eat What's the signal for? Oh, yes

I'm so sorry Francis. I missed the cue and I cocked the hammer back I blow his lady away when you pull the hammer back she cast mind blast on you We should have known The victim of the spell suffers a terrible mental assault causing the loss of five sanity points and inducing temporary insanity shit No, Freddie, Romeo me a 1D10. Seven. Oh no. Seems bad.

Seven, this is from the table of bouts of madness in real time. This is like Kingdom Death Monster. Seven, flee in panic. Ah! The investigator is compelled to get as far away as possible by whatever means are available, even if it means taking the only vehicle

and leaving everybody else behind. They travel for 1d 10 round so Give me a dice roll for 1d 10 5 Okay, how long the round again like six seconds or something like that for 30 seconds I'm running away as hard as I can you guys all see as you're about to beat ass and Blake draws his gun this frail Woman looks up at him, and she's just like please don't do that you can go now, and he just Screams give me a luck roll to see if you hold on to the gun. I think so 36 luck And she's just like, please don't do that. You can go now. And he just screams. Give me a luck roll to see if you hold onto the gun.

I think so. 36 luck. OK. So he takes the gun with him. Wait, wait, wait, wait. 36, but I only have 31 luck. OK. Then you throw the gun at her, we'll say.

And you run out the door. Somebody get the gun. Blake looks 2% less hot. Oh. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. Out of the door. Ah. stop him from running away. Yeah. Okay. I don't know if that's a thing I can do. Yeah, I'll give you a chance to do it, but he's going to try to fight you to get out the door.

I want to kick the door closed. Okay, great. Yeah, you kick the door closed. Okay. You can get in between him and the door. Yeah, I'm going to kick the door closed and kind of stand there. So you do that. Trudy, what are you doing? Let me just look at what I am. You want to grab that gun?

Yeah, I'm going to grab the gun. And you're going to go for the gun? Yeah. OK. And you aim Bruton Hilda at her, right? I like rest my leg on the desk. Yeah. OK.

So basically, in nigh simultaneous fashion, this lady glares at Blake. Something snaps inside of him. He screams and throws the gun and sprints for the door. Kelsey scrambles to block the door off. Trudy dives to grab the gun. Francis slams his leg up on the table and the old lady seeing what's going on

goes to press the button on the desk. Brunette, get her. I just pulled the trigger. Okay. Here's your freebie. This is your freebie, not my freebie, Francis. You're right, it's my freebie. I was trying to convince you otherwise, but yeah.

This is my freebie. Blam, the gunshot goes off and blasts her right through the chest. it just torques her in the shoulder, she spins around in the wheel chair and then slumps forward. Francis, give me a luck roll to see if her head falls on the button, trips the alarm. My luck, believe it or not, is 70 and I got a 45. I love that you're on my team, Doug. I love you're on my hate me going up against you that fucking build. I'd sneak random in psychoanalyze you All right. Well, I can see slumps next to the desk

Oh shit, this gunshot has just gone off in the room. Bernie Hilda can out kill whoever she wants She gets a one freebie if Bernie Hilda kills mom. Jesus. I'm gonna be so upset Didn't we give her an ultimatum that it had to be nobody that we... In the room and nobody that... Nobody related to anybody in the room. Which Moth Jesus was not in the room when you said that. Oh god. Blake, I'm gonna let you play Blake trying to get the hell out of here.

You're in mortal terror, Kelsey is now blocking the door. That way, go run that way. No, okay, no run that way. I'm just gonna run him out like a dog. For the 25 seconds. I think for 10 run that way. I'm just gonna run him out like a dog I think for ten seconds that works, but then like get out of the way No, he realizes that he's stuck in this room with you. Okay, I'm gonna try barrel through you No, the door to the treat rooms right here, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, go go through that door Is the door to the tree room here? Yeah, the tree rooms in here. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll go for the only open door

Wait, the thing the spell is to run away from this old lady, right? Yes, bring the corpse the old lady in front of this door. Okay, so I'm blocking Blake truly. Just throw the old lady over here I'm gonna wheel her in front of the door in front of which door Oh in front of the door That's like I'm like holding all these I push him towards the treat room. You push your hand through the hole in your chest. Yeah, I wanna Kool-Aid man the treat room door. Okay, we'll just say you're running in a full sprint. Just give me a strength check on whether you're able to hulk out through this door. You're like the juggernaut. Ha! 57 out of 75.

Okay, so like Scooby Doo when he hears that there's a Scooby snack in the next room you blast through this door and find I'm the one getting the snack And treat comparison as a dog when we had a character that was a dog There's a Blake shaped hole in the door Yeah, yes, you blast through the door huge dick though like just straight up like wow three legs You I know that's what's even crazier, dude Your pants you I know that's what's even crazier do like what? Yeah, you find yourself in a room full of doggy biscuits You're still freaking the fuck out for we'll say another 20 seconds. You're gonna get two more actions. There's no exit in here Well, that's why we just need the biscuits. Well, I'm gonna go for the other door. Okay

Well, no, no if he's gonna go through that there's you can go into the fucking room that kills him when he goes into the treat room I bring the old lady to the door of the treat room When he goes into the treat room, I bring the old lady to the door of the treat room. I feel like he's just running, like he's just like trying to break through the door of all. I'm trying to bury myself in treats now. You're throwing treats at her, you're freaking out. This is pretty fucked up, so we're going to say give me another D6 of sanity loss here. Four more sanity loss, that brings me down to 76. You're 20 seconds through. Give me one more sanity roll

I'm assuming you're continuous D100 sanity loss you know you don't get to other for 72. That's a sane man. Whoo roll a d100 for me, please 47 oh, this is good. I don't even eat it Blake now Dead old ladies no you now have a lasting fear of firearms No, you can literally can't stand the sight of them Wow. Oh my gosh. You're like the least cool friend Guys I'm vegan so we have to go somewhere vegan so I can eat. You shake out of your terror and are able to compose yourself, but you cannot stand the sight of Francis' gun leg and you cannot stand the sight of the pistol. That's ableist. And we got, well he's got his pants on.

I just let my pants down. I mean not let my pants down, I let go of my, you know. Let's get some treats. I have found the treat room. Yeah, good job Blake. Let's get this butter. Why am I so sweaty?. Yeah, good job Blake. Let's get this butter. Why am I so sweaty? You've been running.

Why are you puppeting an old corpse? Francis killed her and you had to run away from her. We pocket as many treats as we can. You load up on treats. I strip the old lady down and throw her in the room. I fucking go until the screen's like you are encumbered and then I take one treat away. Nice. Okay.

And then yeah, the old lady's dead, throw her in the closet. Okay. Nice. Nice. Nice. Okay. And then yeah, the old lady's dead, throw her in the closet. Okay. She's in the tree room. She chucked the old lady in the tree room, and then what? And then we should go to the director's office.

Let's stay on the side of the door and just open the door without looking in there or anything. Okay. Because it's very dangerous, Malthusia should be. Oh gosh, this feels dangerous. Yeah. It's kind of exciting though.

So you're just gonna open the door to the room? Not just open, we're gonna go on the other side of the door. We're not gonna look into the room. We're not in the doorway. Okay, so you're like... Stacked on the doorway. It's a big bank vault door. Yes, you are.

Ignition. Yeah, we're stacked on like Team 16. I'm gonna like put my hand on my heart and say, Moth Jesus, if you're in there and free just come out of this door if you can hear me or feel my presence You open the door. How wide are you opening it slowly open? Okay? How about like how cuz this room is full of crazy fucked up radiation and shit like this So it's like an inch a second fucked up radiation and shit like this slowly so it's like an inch a second okay we start seeing every inch okay so you're slowly opening the door I just wanted to have kids anytime soon I think that's just you at this point Francis oh

man I didn't think I was but it sucks to have that choice taken away you so kind of stand there with bated breath and the horrible buzzing noise that's coming from inside this thing it's almost pressurized. It's not like you need to do a strength check for it, but it's like this thing wants to blast open on you. Oh. Moth Jesus? You don't hear anything.

Oh no. Please Moth Jesus, if you're in there, please come out. Breach, breach, breach. It's pretty powerful. Even this inch is not good. Maybe we need one of those helmets or something. Give me a listen roll, everybody. When they brought in our bus driver, he had to get close ish before he started melting

Well, he wasn't melting the second that door opens. Yeah, yeah, the doorway we're fine I mean, there's a big spectrum between being fully melted and being normal I'm sorry. Did you think we're gonna live through any of this? Oh, I'm trying I'm trying to get you out Oh, no, we're definitely dead by the end of this no Oh, I mean, I'm trying. I'm trying to get you out of here, at least, Francis. Oh, no, we're definitely dead by the end of this, no matter what happens. No, Francis, you got a lot of life to live. No, we're all dead by the time this is over. Either the Russians are gonna kill us, or the Americans are gonna kill us. Francis, it is important that you and your fucking weird leg don't talk like this.

Alright, whatever, I'm just saying. Give me a listen roll, everybody. Okay. Failed. 31 out of 27. I have 40. Failed. 51 out of 25. Very much a fail. 83 out of 20. Succeed. 23 out of 40. I have 40. Failed, 51 out of 25. Very much a fail. 83 out of 20. Succeed, 23 out of 40.

You succeed. That makes sense. So no one hears this other than Trudy. I'm like literally like I think Kelsey's like probably about to close the door. And right before the creak of the door starts, you hear, Trudy. Oh my god, he's in there.

He's hurt. He needs help! Is he getting closer? No, I don't know! He's going slow! He's hurt! You better open the door! Open the door! Wait, don't open the door! Spot hidden, is there any rope or anything around here? Give me spot hidden rope. I mean, I passed my spot hidden. Is that super success? Yes, 27 out of 57 57 you don't see a rope What was garland for the holiday party? Yeah the Ruskies love Christmas Is garland for the communist party

Hammer and sickle wish you a communist miss There's a mirror on the wall and through the mirror you see that moth Jesus has crawled most of the way to the door Okay, but we just need to wait a little bit, but he's gonna die He's dragging himself as slowly and painfully as he can. There's blood dripping off of his wings. He's fucking falling apart. Oh He's probably like we'll say 20 feet from the door. Oh, that's a long We'll say 20 feet from the door. Oh, that's a long way. You can't go any further Um, okay. I can't go in because then Bruno Hildebeck will kill him. I put my hand through the inch. Oh just to feel it out? Yeah. It's like you sticking your hand in like a four or five hundred degree oven. Okay. It's hot. I pull it out

It's burning like when you feel it now However, I will throw you guys a bone. Mm-hmm something in there some sort of malevolent psychic entity in this room Yes seems to realize that something is going wrong, and the whole building begins to shudder and shake. Could you rack it? As it does so, a screw falls loose from something in the ceiling, like one of these little fire extinguishers, like something falls over the ceiling and clonks Trudy on the head.

And you hear a metal thunk, because Trudy's made of metal. Oh, yes! Yes! I'm gonna go in! Okay, really quick, the mirror, is it like a standing mirror? Uh, it's on the wall. Can I rip it off the wall? Sure. Trudy, here, and I like walk with the mirror in front of you. Yes.

I don't know how much is UV-rayed or sun, but like anything like it will help hopefully. Oh, I like that, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. I like trying to do over here. And I'm going to stand behind Trudy. Blake, get behind me. Blake, take off your doctor's coat and tie a sleeve around me or hold on to it. Oh very well. Yes

And then grab onto the stethoscope. Yes in case you're not strong enough or whatever like I'm at the edge to see if you Need help on the way. Yes. Okay. So yes good. Yes, we tie shirts around Trudy's belt But you can pull her back. Yeah pull her back. Yeah, and we're holding it and she has the mirror. I love this. This is great. Beth, how much health do you have? Four. You have four health? Yeah.

Okay. As you step up to the door and you step into the doorway, you feel again, this intense heat blasting towards you. You almost like digging on your feet because there's an energy slamming against you as well. It makes me on the floor again. Huh? Cause I was hovering. Oh, that's right You're hovering. Oh, okay. That's good. Actually. I like the hovering too. I forgot that we had the hovering

Okay, this is really good Your little hover boots are burning the ground as you're being slammed into the ground and we'll say that that gives you an advantage On what's gonna happen next which is in order to move forward give me a strength roll with advantage from your hover boots Okay, which are giving you like a sort of thrust forward. So I have 60 strength, 89 is my first roll. Okay. Two. A two!

Oh, that's like a critical success! You again, you feel this intense heat just blasting on you and for a second you reel back, but then you fucking dig in and your determination to save Moth Jesus and save your son powers you forward and you're able to take one step at a time just like boom, boom, boom. And you're still moving at a slower pace. So we're going to say that it's going to take three rounds for you to make it to Moth Jesus

to make it these 20 feet. So first things first, you will say that from the mirror, again there's an intense light blasting at you and this mirror is reflecting a lot of that so that's going to lessen the amount of damage you're going to take and also your robot armor is going to give you some armor protection as well that's gonna slowly get melted off here over the course of the next two rounds so give me a luck wall. Luck I have 33 luck. 37. Hate to see it. The first thing that happens is that you catch on fire. I told you I was hot! Like exoskeleton terminator, your skin and hair starts to burn and sizzle off and we're starting

to see little chunks of metal from the exoskeleton underneath, peel through. Fire is 1d8 damage. Every round you're going to take double the damage of the previous round. So we're going to start with one and we'll say that collectively you have six points of armor from your skeleton and the mirror So you're now down to five points of armor and how close are you to Mothman? So I said was three rounds Let's see. He was 21 feet. So seven you can move seven feet Now I'm 14 away. Yeah, now you're 14 feet away. Yeah, so give me another strength roll with advantage first rolls in 11 Oh shit, okay great. So despite everything that's going on, you're able to muscle through just a little bit more and you push another seven feet forward

as the heat gets more and more intense. And you are now going to take two more damage. So you're now down to three points of armor. Okay. He's almost within reach. You can almost reach him. He's like barely struggling as he's going forward and the heat is just getting unbearable.

You look up and you see this slag heap of Radioactive metal just pulsing psychic energy and going fucking crazy. Give me a sanity roll actually as you look up at it 47 sanity 77 you're gonna roll a 1d6 of sanity gloss. Okay one. Okay, great You're you see it and you're just for a second, you're entranced by it, but you're able to shake it off and keep your mind focused. Give me one more strength roll with advantage. 71.

I'm gonna reroll the tens. One. You got one? 11. All right. You're so close. You're so close to getting him that your feet just dig into the ground.

You slam him hard into the ground and push forward and you're able to grab Moth Jesus, lift him under his arms. The intense blast, there's just like flakes of skin melting off of your face, revealing the skeleton. Your clothes are on fire at this point. But the three of you guys see that she indeed has it. Pull! Pull! Pull! Pull!

I pull. Okay, everybody give me a strength roll. 23 and my strength is 37. So normal success. Normal success. 77, I and my strength is 37, so normal success. Normal success. 77, I'll spend two luck to get 75 normal success. Francis, you feel like you're helping. You're doing great, Francis!

Well, the two of you are able to pull Trudy back. Now, I will say, you have to drop your mirror in order to grab Mothman. So they're gonna pull you back. Actually, can I drop my mirror so he can grab onto it? Oh, I love that! So you lay the mirror on top of him. Yeah. Sacrificing the last of your armor from the mirror. Let's say that brings you down to one point of armor.

Now you're gonna take four damage from the fire. You're down to one HP as they pull with all their might and drag you out the door and you and Mothman burning. I'm assuming you guys want to smother like put this. Yeah, I closehmm I closed the doors and they probably have fire extinguishers yeah are they on fire she is for sure oh yeah I take the costume off or whatever the guard mm-hmm button-up shirt that I was wearing I start patting down Trudy. Trudy! The smoke dissipates you see Mothman slumped on the ground holding Trudy who's looks pretty much like the fucking Terminator right now like I mean he should get cooler You got him Trudy

I got him Wait let me check is Mothman you good? Moth Jesus? Get me to the ship To the ship I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel So ordinary, so ordinary I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary

In a world that lies twisted in my mind And now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star Thanks so much for listening. We just had Father's Day, which means that Dungeons & Dragons Father's Day sales extravaganza Yay! items are flying out the door or driving out the door depending on what shipping method you choose. So act now, head on over to DungeonsandDais.com, click on store and check out the 2025 Father's Day sale items and while you're there, check out the new Pride Dice and Zine, net proceeds of which go directly to Lambda Legal. DungeonsandDais.com, click store. If your ears hunger for more or you're in luck starting at five bucks a month, you can join our Patreon and get access to hundreds of hours of bonus audio and video content, including our after show where we answer listener questions and dive into the process of making this show.

New episode of Beth and Matt's Crystereon Collection, where they review Christian movies, it's coming out this week. Just check it out, there's a lot of good stuff on there. Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Dungeons and Dads is Matt Arnold, is Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch is Francis Farnsworth, Will Campos is our DM, Beth May is Trudy Trott, and myself, Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Anissa Omran as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as

our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis as our lead editor, Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing. Our Patreon is supported by folks with names like Tori Benson, Johanna Elise, E.P., Ann Jacobson, Ryan Hunt, Grant Carrolls, Drew Gardner, Rosalie Vatkova, Prepaid Night, Mars We'll see you then. But I'll stay today All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars I'm going to the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today

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