Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 30 - 62,000 Feet Over the Sea

Episode Date: July 29, 2025

Various methodologies and approaches to flight mechanics are considered and applied.This episode contains Violence, Profanity, Sexual Content.We're All Gonna Die, starring Ashly Burch and Jordan Rodrigues, available for digital download!https://wereallgonnadiemovie.com/Info and tickets for Beth's solo show "Beth Wants the D":Edinburgh Fringe: www.pleasance.co.uk/event/beth-wants-dSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is “A Hole in the Stars” by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Ask your human doctor if goo tubes are right for you, and tell him Mad Mac Mac sent you! Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, not a BDSM podcast. This season the Peachyville Horror, a Call of Cthulhu. I just realized, sorry to interrupt, that this BDSM podcast. Oh, thank God this season the peachyville horror a call of Cthulhu Oh, no, I just realized sorry to interrupt. Okay this part of the You might feel like one in a symphony when they all go like With the strings at the beginning we sound great. This is like when we're tuning up at the beginning of the symphony This is everyone's roseting up their bows. They're all playing middle C and fucking locking in Tune up. I thought That was that the dad facts over that's why you guys always say the death that's the ones who already tuned in okay I'm having fun dad facts is like when they like do a little riff

That's like when the composer comes out at the end of that and everybody applause There's Gustavo This is the PC bill horror a call of Cthulhu actual play horror comedy podcast about four everyday schmoes And I've been rosening up my bow Darkness and fire from her fingertips as she rosend upper bow suburban 1950s America. That's the setting these are the players. My name is Freddie Wong. Yeah, that's good. We should have been doing it all the time. Holy shit! That's so hard! That's so fucking cool! That's so good. My name is Freddie Wong and I play Blake Lively, deep thinking plumber.

Today's Blake fact. Dramatis personae. Dramatis personae. Oh, and this is just like in the musical when you read the program while you're sitting around. This is the play, Bill. Did you know this actor was in an episode of Chuck They all been in law and order apparently Blake fact Blake has always secretly dreamed of piercing the veil of

Earth's upper atmosphere to confirm once and for all that earth is flat Oh, no, and now he got up there, and he like ah, I see it is in fact a large disc. Oh So he a flat disc Okay, so he okay, I know what like a nose man the world building in this podcast is so wild Here's the crazy. Here's the crazy. There's a bunch of turtles going down. Here's the crazy. Wait. I mean, no will is it flat? Is the earth exactly in the crazy? Yeah, it could be it could be What if it turns out no, it's the no

Five years doing this like in our world What it turns out this is all just been flat earth propaganda. We've been trying to like slowly It's like when the jugalowsos were like guess what it's Christian Hey everybody, my name is Matthew Arnold. I play Here's the fun one would it be to be a Christian thing that's like psych its juggalos Juggalos the whole time sorry Matt go ahead I play Kelsey Grammer peachyville's happiest and snappiest school, Marm. And what does she always say, dude? You know what she always says? I love Fago. Shit. I was not gonna be very mad.

Can I get a whoop whoop? Miracles all around us. What she always says is, ain't no man ever pleasured me like a good book. What? But it can be fun to see them try. Holy shit. Sly clean.

Sly clean. Mama mia. Sly clean. Very spicy, bro. She doesn't say that in front of the kids, honestly. She doesn't say that in front of the shit. Sly queen. Sly queen. Mama mia. Very spicy, bro. She doesn't say that in front of the kids, honestly. She doesn't say that in front of the men. I hope so.

Little fact about Kelsey is that she has ice cream almost every morning, but here's how it happened. Oh no. Because one day, she had a nice bowl of ice cream, but it was late, so she put it in her fridge, but actually she put it in her fridge and on her freezer. She woke up the next morning. That was just a melted bowl of ice cream,

and she was about to throw it out, and then she said, wait a second second this looks just like extra good milk So she poured her cereal in it and I gotta say fucking game changer getting cereal aid Melted ice cream is the greatest thing ever and that's what she has every you done that no I just thought about I'm gonna try it Wildly reckless and irresponsible to condone a melted ice cream cereal concoction without having tried it, Matt. I'm not condoning anything.

This is Kelsey, a fictional character who enjoys it. I hate it. I think Kelsey may be the lustiest and most sensual fucking character ever conceived of on the podcast. This is like some B bacchanalian fucking It's like that review of Talking about her ass this is on life pro tips use ice creams have milk for your cereal fuck yeah, dude I used to do you get ice cream and just pour like a crunchy cereal on top of it to eat it with the ice cream

Yes, great. I just from sales Like fully hard like like fully hard Direct ice cream with some cereal on top of it. That sounds good Wow good this melted ice cream that you gave me that I just got another second helping it was But then I realized actually in the last like 10 seconds that because it's coffee ice cream, it probably still had caffeine in it. Oh yeah, definitely.

And I'm vibrating that. Because I already had my coffee this morning. Oh no, yeah, I put a lot of espresso in there. That's why it's got that good flavor. And so now I'm just churning inside. Go ahead, Anthony. I'm seeing clearly for the first time. Anthony, you're like extra sharp.

Yeah. My name is Anthony Bartschop, I play Francis Varnsworth, a kid who is... Is he still doing his best? I feel like he is. Yeah. A kid who is very confused about what's going on because canonically, Francis never met Relish Wet and canonically, I chose to stop paying attention when you guys were having your own scene and met Relish Wet, so I also don't know who Relish Wet is.

Wow. So that's... That's Method. That's the Anthony Burch difference right there. Yeah, if I'm getting a vibe of confused and doesn't care quite as much as he should, that's why. That's fair. I guess Francis' peachy fact is he has a landline at home, but the cord is really long, and sometimes he'll walk out with the cord, and sometimes he'll see a police officer, and

he loves police officers officers and they're like Hey, can I see your face so that I can understand who the phone belongs to and he goes? No, I have a passcode and you cannot legally compel me to give the passcode You can legally compel me to give the face code. So Francis hates cops Anyone trying to get Protesting advice from that it's gonna wind up more confused turn off your biometrics Use a burner

Only put it back in when you need to use it and then take the SIM card back There's a group of protesters that listen to this like QAnon people are waiting for a Q drop. They're like So we can get the tips. We get these tips. And he's passing with secret protesting tips. Suddenly I get assassinated by somebody, he's like, no, he's too powerful. Hi, my name is Beth May, and I play Trudy Trout.

Can I get a whoop whoop? I believe you just did. I'm actually doing a little departure of a fact today. OK. Um, not a pun. And so, fun fact about Trudy is that should she and her beloved family, both found and semi-biological, get out of this mess, and should the world be safe,

and should Peachyville be saved, you know, Trudy will be so happy because she loves Peachyville, but she also wants to see the world and travel and get out of her shell, so to speak. So she actually did put a little dot on the map for a place that looked special to her that she might want to travel after all this is over for better or for worse. And it's called Point Pleasant, West Virginia. And she just hopes that someday that she can get there. Almost heaven.

I was waiting for a computer pun, and I couldn't find it. I was like, I was fucking going into my mind palace. I was being serious, yeah. A dot matrix. I was like, point. Yeah, exactly. My name is William Campos. Woo!

Hi, Dad. We love you. The part that I play in this team effort is the part of the dungeon master That's who I would be playing as most this evening your dungeon this evening your part of dungeon master Can I get a book? My creepy fact for the day since you guys are teetering on the edge of fucking space and atmosphere falling since you guys are teetering on the edge of fucking space and atmosphere falling plummeting like a rock from a punctured spaceship is that the Armstrong limit is the measure of altitude above which atmospheric pressure is sufficiently

low that water boils at the normal temperature of the human body meaning that your blood boils. It's at around 62,000 feet they found it because they put a fucking bunch of test pilots into crazy low pressure environment when your blood starts boiling Including I think our good dude Neil Armstrong for whom it is named after oh no It's named after Harry George Armstrong who was the first to recognize the phenomenon Neil Armstrong to stolen valor my favorite creepy fact about this was because they were fucking like putting these guys in these tests at or Above the Armstrong limit exposed body fluids such as saliva, tears, urine, and the liquids

wetting the alveoli within the lungs will boil away if the subject does not wear a full-body pressure suit. A test subject at the NASA Johnson Space Center, accidentally exposed to near-vacuum in 1965 reported... Said it hurt a lot! ...reported that his last conscious memory was that of the saliva on his tongue beginning to boil. Crazy. Which is fucking gnarly. I bet that felt like awesome for a second. For a second.

It's that Pop Rocks feeling. I didn't eat any Pop Rocks before I went into this vacuum chamber. My Armstrong limit is when I can't lift a heavier dumbbell. Pretty good. I'm like, I've reached it. Make sure all of this spaceship is nice and sealed then. a heavier dumbbell Pretty good Make sure all this spaceship is nice and sealed then I think wills gonna send us out into the back I don't know I trust my man to fucking I mean it's We go out into space again. We shall get married again. Oh, yeah, we should be like a little tradition There's just one this time that's not that makes it weird

There's just one this time that's not that makes it weird That was our day it was secretly a polygon me podcast the whole time do you guys want to play? Play I want to play oh Oh, I forgot to say my second fact is that in honor of the fact that you now find yourselves plummeting through the atmosphere without a parachute I Am also going that's why you are so excited and free. Fucking jumping in with no parachute. Wait, no notes. Wait, remind us where we were.

I thought we were safe for this ship. We're falling? Alright, let's dive in. Give it, yeah. When last we left, you had made your daring escape from Percy Kova Grad. You found yourselves in the ship of Mothman, sailing away. You bid a tearful farewell to Laika, the space dog, at the upper limits of the Earth's atmosphere where she saw the stars one last time.

And then you guys got in some goo tubes and had some dreams. So if I remember correctly Freddy failed to learn the secret of the gun katas. That's good. I like that It is lost forever to the sands of time Kelsey had a dream where Milton gave her a book that shows here that like the title of the hit Matthew Wong Freddy Wong We're all gonna die that you're all gonna die in two days. My name was not on but your name was not on it That's right, but everyone else in B.A.E. Yeah, I'm good. Two days.

I'm good. What could that possibly mean? Frances had a spooky flashback to the origin story of Brunhilde where she was originally a spear that got impaled through her mom back in the Viking days and she's taken all these different forms throughout time.

Which makes it worse because she wasn't born a Nazi. Yeah, she chose that shit. She became one. Yeah, she's awful. Moth Jesus and Trudy had a heart to heart and woke up, Timmy. And touched the touch.

For just a second. Did you touch his probiscus? As she was talking to her son for the first time since he woke up from his coma with his temporary reprieve because he only got a teeny, teeny, tiny bit of that venom juice that you guys, and an outlet candy.

Yeah, one tournament with, I know. Yeah. We're all trying to find the guy who did this when in Russia and out of with zero casualties Yeah, I think I did do that a perfect op we didn't even crash Did not go as smoothly as what we just did the rock wasn't tweeting about it Some random guy didn't hear one blackout go down We did it perfectly will and I will not stand for this slander of our team and our efficacy.

Canonically, Babe Ruth did get on the radio and announce that some crazy African-American was here. That's true. I want to be the first. Just to quickly swing back to the Osama thing, do you guys know that a lot of America found out, not just because of The Rock, but because on the very next episode of Monday Not Raw, John Cena opened the show by announcing It to the entire crowd that did not know wow and he wasn't allowed to say the word kill

So he said I have something to tell you Osama bin Laden has been compromised to a permanent end and the audience lost their fucking minds. That's just something to keep in mind Well, we'll see if anyone gets compromised to a permanent end this episode while all that was going on Let's see if anyone gets compromised to a permanent end of this episode. While all that was going on, Trudy realizes that the moth that has been following you around since the facility was not Mothman's friend, but was in fact Relish Wet, speaker for the powers that be, who then stole the fucking power drive of Mothman's ship, blasted off into the sky with it, and ripped open a hole in the fabric of space and time, thus commencing the Hour of the Hole. Nice. I've got a question.

Yes? The whole podcast, I've been wondering if whole was spelled H-O-L-E or W-H-O-L-E. No. There you go. But now I suppose it's whole. Like Whole Foods. Correct. No.

H-O-L-E, a hole in the sky. Like Whole Foods. Like whole foods, donuts, bagels. It's actually more like a breach in the whole of our reality, so it's like H-U-L-L. Oh, okay. Oh my god. Yeah. Relish Wet opened up the hole for the powers that be.

Yes. Zuzel's job is he's gonna stop the powers that be. Yes. And we have the keys necessary to awaken Zuzel or to kill Zuzel? Keys necessary to awaken Zuzel. No, okay. The keys are for the people at Peachyville

who want to call up Zuzel. The keys are for the people at Peachyville who want to call up you. Listen, anyone who's complaining about this, why don't you just booth up Kingdom Hearts and then you come back to us. Yeah, Will, don't say it's too complicated. We're dumb. I watch Lost every two to three years, right? I still don't know what's going on.

I'm sorry, go ahead, Will. I'm not going to interrupt anymore. No, no, no, that's fine. Oh, this coffee For real beth is like fucking torqued up right now Kicked off her shoes, and it's just like I Like this better energy though. I do like this new beth energy. I like this better energy to get through I do like this new Beth energy. I like this Beth energy too. Can I get through? I'm just saying I'm from over here. I look over at Beth and she's blurry high frequency vibrations All right

Okay The powers to be have torn open this veil between their world and yours Through which they wish now to impregnate the earth and turn it into a god Zuzele the gods lair is yeah the Forsworn enemy of the powers of the bee and wishes to destroy them but can only be summoned into this earth by the sacrifice of 10,000 souls which is what the Bisons, the cult that is running Pichyville want to accomplish. Peseville, more like fucking Peseville, they are trying to summon Zuzel and destroy the town to save the world. However, there are three keys to which you have acquired.

One of which, Francis found out last episode, Dr. Dog was pulling from the stomach of the doll maker and got bonked on the head, but then he fucking ripped the heart out of the chest of the guy who bonked her on the head. With those three keys, you can access a weapon at the heart of Project Heartland, designed to kill whatever they have summoned forth.

Basically, the keys can let you stop Zuzo from being summoned. Yeah, yeah, okay, that's what I said. Yes, so yeah. All right, well then you guys got it. Yeah, I was right. If we did nothing, like Indiana Jones style. The world would be saved, but Peachyville would die.

It would die. Yes, that's correct. If we do something, we then have to also come up with another something to stop the powers that be. What if we did nothing? We just said peachyville We literally just yeah, but I'm not talking about theoretical. I'm talking about like what's a good place for us that we got spaceship I guess we just hang out somewhere from the sky Okay, and then what's the moment? We're at now so the space is falling the space yes Yeah, so relish wet use the powerful crystal that powers Mothman ship to blast into these

Is it a J-Ho crystal? He used the J-Ho crystal that powers Mothman's ship, and he detonated it even higher in space than you guys are to rip open this hole. So now, he's torn a hole through the ship, which is now plummeting through the atmosphere. Someone needs to plug this hole. So, we will start in Meteorres, in the room where this just happened, which is this chamber in the center of Mothman's ship. Trudy, you are there with your son and Mothman, there's a blast of light as this hole is ripped through the top of the ship. Air is now pouring out of this hole. It's getting bigger and bigger. The whole fucking room is shaking and going crazy.

Mothman grabs you and Timmy, kicks the fucking door open, pushes you guys out and slams the door shut behind you guys so that it's sealed off now. All three of you have narrowly escaped being sucked out into the upper atmosphere of the Earth, and you are now inside the ship. Everything is shaking around you. Alarms are going off like fucking crazy. Lights are flickering because presumably

the fucking power nexus that drives this ship has been torn asunder, and you find yourselves falling like a rock. You hear an eerie whistle as air tears through the ship And then Mothman mashes a button on the side of the wall and your goo tubes drain and you guys all mid-dream Remember when in your dreams you there was like a weird shaking sound that shaking sound was You guys really good pretending you remember the shaking sound I was very convincing And then you guys all stumble out of your goo tubes mr. Moth What

No, it's the moth the small little like cute animal moth was not a moth Can you stop the Mothman? Use your ship! Stop the ship! Everyone calm down! Everyone stay calm! Everyone calm down! Everyone stay calm! Everyone stay calm!

We're calm. Calm! Be calm! Center yourself! We don't really tell women on our planet to be calm. Calm down, young one! Mothman goes over to like a big computer and he's like slapping buttons

and like you see all this like moth language fill in the screen and he's like, this is a dire situation we find ourselves in. We need focus We need to pay attention to what is happening right now The ship is falling at a rapid rate through the upper air levels of the earth's atmosphere Yes, as you can see we are plummeting through the earth's atmosphere But does that mean we're like kind of zero G like when they do the vomit comet. Oh, that's a good question

Yeah, a little bit like Like when they do the vomit comment. Oh, that's a good question. Yeah a little bit like In Tower of Terror, do you like lift up? Are you floating? Sure for a split second remember acceleration has a secondary right? It's nine point eight meters per second per second. So it actually goes I mean the spaceship probably has crowd you can will it's your fucking canvas paint what you want Do whatever you want, baby. It could have a gravity shield It could be whatever it could be it doesn't have to be dropping straight It'd be colliding slightly downwards not planes don't just normally drop at critical

You know, okay You guys are floating kind of sort of as this ship shakes and rattles and like, you know Its speed is varying because it's hitting increasing levels of wind resistance. You get to get bounced around a little bit Okay, Mothman you say do you Want help or do you want just your big strong man? You want yourself my man used to think all right everybody let the D up We are rapidly approaching the earth upon impact we will all die unless we think of a way to stop this ship of a way to stop this ship. Wait, then we just said let you think!

What? You just said let you think and now you're thinking that we should think of a way out of this situation! Oh wow! Idea man over here! According to my calculations, we have, and he turns dramatically to the camera, four minutes until this ship burns up upon reentry into the Earth's atmosphere because we got so high to show that stupid dog!

I'm sorry, I'm getting stressed out. I'm getting stressed out. Moth Jesus, I have an idea. Yes? You can fly, and maybe I have a mole on my body that lets me fly, and then we could escape the ship while it's in the atmosphere, and then we could- Wait, you're the floating thing, right? Oh yeah, if we all stay on- wait, no, that wouldn't work.

I was like, maybe if we all stay on Trudy, like we'll fall to the ground, but we'll stop at six inches. Yes. Yeah, but that'll feel momentum. We'll carry us all the way down to our remaining six inches. No, no, everything will liquefy. You're right. No, that wouldn't work.

Moth Jesus has an idea. Moth Jesus turns to Francis, who, as we all know, now has a new Trudy leg. And he runs over to your leg. And he pokes a mole on the side of your leg. And you put it. Great, now I'm lopsided. Now one of your legs begins to hover.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. OK. And then you see the gears turning for Moth man. He's like wait. Yes. Yes Yes, and he runs over to the spare Trudy parts section and like brings out like a tub of legs Oh my god, okay. You are giving us this big box full of gams We could simply strap these gams upon us. Okay, and then press the moles these legs could go all the way down Trudy Do you mind if I grab some of your legs? Yeah, go ahead. Okay, Trudy Do I have consent to push every possible mole on your body? Yes

Mothman paces. Yes. Yes. Excellent. You can use these legs You can use whatever little amount of hovering capability They have to safely descend and he presses another button and like the side of the ship pops open And you guys are like over the Atlantic Ocean. Oh, that's going to be bad We like a foot array like how many feet I'm under the feet together like a foot array. Like how many feet? We should bundle the feet together. Like the rockets! Like a raft. Yes, do we have something to tie all these legs together to create a sort of foot booster rocket? Yeah.

Do we have wires in here, right? We can put wires on the walls. This fucking ship is done, though. This ship is fucked. Everyone grab wires and run with them. No, like look at this table we have. There's four feet on it, but they are not Trudy's feet. If we added more feet to it, they're all Trudy's feet

that all boost six inches off the ground, and we all sit on that table. Yes, like would that be good? Yes, let us grab wire to tie these together I'm asking Mothman because he's the smart one. You wish to fashion some sort of raft out of legs these legs Yeah, how many legs do we have DM slash Mothman? Uh, Trudy, how many legs got Trudy? Also the way they work It's not just they're gonna fall at normal speed and then stop six inches above the ground, right? They have power. Because Because they're absolutely dead.

They have to have some sort of propulsion to keep it off the ground. That's what I'm saying, can we activate them so that they slow descend us? So the way- Kelsey, what letter in your encyclopedia did you get up to? Well, depends on what you mean get up to. What letter did you finish as? A piece of whole rips off and now you're staring at the open air outside as you say this. Not a lot, like I've dabbled in lots of letters, but like in terms of like where I would actually

dabble in lots of letters. In terms of like what I would publish. Like that's why I'm asking Mothman. I'm not a rocket scientist. That's way too many letters away. What is the diameter of all of these feet put together? Mothman, just estimate how big this table of feet is. But Trudy, I trust you.

You're strong, so your feet must be strong too. And we got a lot of your feet. Looks like you're getting up to F today. Mouthman takes one of the legs on the table and says, let us observe how long the hover boot lasts for. And he presses the hover mole. Oh god, I hope it's less than four minutes. Pfft!

And you're staring at it. Well, here's what I was gonna say, is that it's six rounds to fall. Once we get out and start doing the fucking initiative. And we'll say that you get like three rounds of thrust out of this hover boot. Wait three rounds and then turn them all on. I get three rounds of thrust in the bedroom.

That's so sad. That's like 18 seconds. Three pumps. Three pumps? Three pumps are done, Beth. 18 seconds, Beth. That's what they call me. 18 seconds, Beth. They call me 18 seconds bad! That's what they call me. They call me 18 seconds thrust. That's not even a YouTube ad break!

You can skip it. And I do skip it. Wait, can I just buy him for a sec? Go ahead. I mean I barely passed. They're just parachutes. That's fair. What about these wing suits over here?

It feels like there's some safety oversights in the construction of this ship. This ship is designed for moths who have wings. We do not think that hard about how we're going to safely escape. Quick question, Mothman. What are the safety features of this craft? And when you say that,

Mothman's bug eyes go a little bit wider and he says yes Yes, of course you all remember it because you used it the goo the goo Yes, we could surround ourselves in goo back in the goo tubes fill those goo tubes up again And that's a different goo Francis that is the healing goo you see one goo you see them all suborbital goo Yes, there is a non-Newtonian landing goo that you have used in the past to safely land at a great distance I just recall people later told us we used it wrong because we made it soft and we made it hard So which one is it is an Ildrich in comprehensive?

Well that work you tell us I've never done this kind of crazy maneuver before well Maybe this would be like a group project that we would figure out together Maybe group science bra Francis you remember this and I'm sure Trudy, I mean, I know you've been schooled your kids and won the Beomar robot. But the egg falling, I know that's a parachute, but you try to protect the egg as much as you can when you throw it off the top.

So how about this? It's not just one thing when you do. Yeah, just do all the stuff. Multiple, yeah. Mothman, if you don't mind, if you can send to this, we tie you up, and you are like the top of one. We don't have a parachute, but you can be like the top of the parachute. I can be the wings of the parachute. We tie the table up and you are like the top of one. We don't have a parachute, but you can be like the top of the parachute.

I can be the wings of the parachute. We tie the table up to you so you're flapping upwards as much as you can. We put every leg on the bottom of the table. That's getting some thrust upwards. Feet pointing down. That's two pieces of thrust, right? And then we get all the goo and put it on a container on the table and we'll all sit in that goo. And we hope.

Is there enough goo to like cover ourselves in the shit. Yeah, I see I see I see we put a big so just so I understand what you're talking about I was like Mothman has a big work table. Yeah, the one that he had Trudy on it's an Indiana Jones 2 inflatable raft Yeah, jump out of the plane situation. Okay, so there's a raft. We're filling that goo up with raft We're gonna fill that up with raft Another one for the calendar We're filling the raft up with goo! And then connecting Mothman to the raft and putting the legs on the bottom of the raft. This table has like 20 legs now and all the people on it are gooed up and Mothman is kind of trying to pull it from the top as much as he can.

We're hoping that's going to slow us down as much as we can. So the legs are sticking to the bottom of the table. There's like a layer of goo on top of the table so that whatever thrust the legs don't help with, the goo will- The cushion will break. The goo will break the rest of the wall. We're all sitting on top of it,

crisscross applesauce. And then Mossman. No, we're laying on our backs. If I remember correctly from my fucking anxiety analysis of everybody who had survived from fucking airplane crashes and parachute failures, you wanna be at like a seven degree angle, like slightly, because you're essentially trying

to be like a piece of paper when you drop it on a table, and you know, you get like that little air pressure. So the best way to land is on your back. What the fuck are you? You wanna land as flat? People who survive. To put our tray tables and seats up, we shouldn't be doing that.

If you're falling off an airplane, the most likely chance to survive is to spread your arms and your legs out and hit your back. Well, but let me ask you a question, cause I've heard the opposite of that. I've heard that there's a- You're wrong. Oh no hit your back Well, but like I ask you a question because I've heard the opposite that I've heard that they're wrong I know but I want to hear why I want to hear why because I've heard there's a world It's a pocket has nothing to do with your bones or anything else All that's gonna kill you is the deceleration is the instant stopping so you're trying to make as much of an air pocket as possible

What about you're also trying to hit like a slope like you want a slight hill? You're trying just by the way this reminds me any sort of slowing down This doesn't remind me by the way I've always thought that a really fun video game would be a fully physically as physically accurate I like survive get thrown out an airplane somewhere randomly over like a Google Earth like specific topography I think good luck so trying to rise. I'm laying down on my back Yeah, and then Blake is on top of me on his back and then Trudy and then France So we're like a pan cake and Timber and Timmy, but there's a layer of like jelly separate each like a sandwich

Timmy still conscious yeah, yeah, I have to be on his own back. Yeah, you're holding Yeah in between every layer everyone's holding the other person up so that there's as much of a cushion layer Like a slinky yes, yeah, So it's like a layer cake? Yes, a gooey people. Our chest have been glazed like post cum shot and we're all holding up the other person so that like our arms will break the fall a little bit and then they'll hit our gooey chest and slow down even more. Can we retract that statement from this like congress? Can we retract that statement? Can we strike back from the record? Is that a gum shot like more like

we just ate jello messy? I love those pornos when it looks like that she just ate some jello messy. I love those pornos that are like. He must have liked her a lot. They're like messy jello compilation. I believe it's called a yum-pilation. Oh.

Try not to Okay, then again you have precious little time to put this together. Yeah now. Here's a question for you Hey, we're already in the goo, so I hope it's doesn't require leaving the goo How are we going to press the buttons on the moles? Okay? That's a good point Okay, the moles are on the other side Mothman you can fly Mothman. Can't you just press the buttons? I know you're tied, but you're not like strapped to it You like my friend press the buttons. I will press the buttons And then fly up and use your powerful wings as much as you can to you know the continue to add thrust okay great

All right, so this is what we're gonna Do you're dropping through the air the ship is tearing itself apart you manage to frantically? Use the goo to stick these legs onto the bottom of the table, let's say. Oh! I forgot to say one very important thing. As Mothman is loading you into the goo, Trudy, as you're getting like stuck onto whoever, he gives you guys this like centrifuge ass machine and he says, protect this dearly, for it is the only thing that can synthesize more antidote for your son. Oh, I'm holding Timmy, somebody else hold this. Tell Timmy to hold it. Tell Timmy to hold it

Can you hold it? I mean I can try mom, but I don't know what I'm gonna pass out. I don't know how long I have I'll hold it. I got the biggest and I'm the softest so I'll protect it. Kelsey's gonna hold it. Timmy I've got you Okay, no matter what happens. I love you all you are a great team. We're gonna get through this Yes, Kelsey do not talk in this way. Well. I just, you know I love you guys. Okay, that's fine. Yay! I changed my mind. I love 75% of you.

Mothman opens this cargo chute door. You've now dropped to the point where your blood won't boil from being exposed to the amazer. So that's great, good for you. There's a winged whippin'. We have a boy that one of his cunning DM traps, team. Good work. That he told us about. The wind is whipping furiously around

as Mothman pushes this leg table out of the door. You are now plummeting through the atmosphere. The last time I nicked my finger, I threw on a bandage, took care of it right away. But when I brushed my teeth and saw blood in the sink, I shrugged it off. It's time we stop ignoring our gum bleeding. Use Colgate Perioguard to significantly reduce gum bleeding and inflammation. It helps fight bacteria that can lead to early gum disease and improves gum health with daily

use. So just like you take care of your cuts, help take care of your gums with Colgate Perioguard. Healthy gums, confident smile. This rig falls out of the ship and you find yourselves for a moment just sailing through the atmosphere looking at the fucking waves of the Atlantic lapping up miles and miles and miles. It's just like the end of Toy Story 3. If all of us were in goo, we couldn't move or see each other.

Nice. But we all feel the arrival. And instead of an incinerator, it was you were falling to the earth. I'm just looking at the back of Blake's head. Mothman finds like an emergency stop button and he's like, Where's your kid now? It's a lonely way to die. You're sailing through the air, and for a moment, there's just this quiet as you hear the wind whipping around you and then you hear a cosmic shudder and a

spasm and again as you look up into the stars above you you can see this hole in the sky you can see this strange tear in the space-time continuum. Who's at the top only that person sees everybody else is sitting in the All right, so Trudy and just looking over Timmy's shoulder You guys are stacked a little bit so you could all be lying We're arranged like a fanned out deck of cards Hello hello As you look up something bursts through that this fucking As you look up, something bursts through that hole. This fucking massive, just a cosmic space dick

fucking penetrates through this hole and shoots down to the earth. It's a- It's fast like a dick? It's a hideous writhing- Yeah. Tentacle- Rithing.

Rithing. Now you're finished. Pulsing writhing, massive eldritch flesh. It's probably like about half a mile around It just slams through this hole and then blasts straight deep into the Atlantic Ocean beneath you Shudder in a shake as it rattles the whole world with the force of it coming through this of JRPG shit dog Uh is is a circumcised that would be implying careful Anthony! Yeah, you have to be really careful, Anthony. Why? Because you might have to make a sanity rule, dude!

Either way, it's implying that one type of dick is better than the other. No, I'm not saying better or anything. I'm saying if we have to attack this thing, I need to know if we have two layers of flesh to get through or just one. If you want to hear whether it's cut or not, you going to have to listen to the uncut version of our podcast. Ah. It does not appear to be circumcised. No, there's not an eldritch fucking. It can be harder to get into.

It's easier for it to jerk off. All the more rewarding. So yes, this thing slams into the ocean. It tears straight through Mothman's ship. You're teared yet a moment longer with your goofs and jeeps. It might destroy you all. Ah, good thing we're not there. Couldn't be us.

The force of it knocks you for a second, you find yourself swinging around from side to side. What happens to the Atlantic Ocean beneath us? Fucking... Tsunami city down there, dude. Dude, like in deep impact. This dig hit. The dig hit. The dig hit the earth, yes.

Like, the earth, unfortunately, has been penetrated. Yes. Okay. It's been hit. It's been hit. But you don't know what's going on yet. I mean, I know what it is. I'm a 50-year-old you don't know what's going on yet. I mean, I have an idea. I'm a 50 year old woman, I know what's going on.

There's only so many things that can happen next. We don't know how long it takes for... Yeah, we don't know if it's a three year thrust eldritch god or how long it takes for all that to happen. We're really hoping that whatever is on the other side of that hole is doing some like, this doesn't normally happen sort of thing, right? Like it's taking some time.

Or is it a one pump? Oh, yeah, now I get it. We don't want it to ejaculate. Yes. God. I mean, Matthew. I didn't come up with this. This doesn't normally happen sort of thing right like it's taking some time We don't want it to ejaculate yes Don't shoot the cum messenger yeah, the ejaculation is when the world ends. I mean that's that's what That's why I learned in Catholic school too. That's why I cried when I masturbated until I was 14. Here's a good lubricant. What happened at 14? Were you like, well, but it hasn't happened yet. It was at that point I figured it was too late. I wasn't getting through those golden gates.

Why am I the crying about? I'm going all the way down. It became an act of rebellion. It's better to jork in hell than... Yes. It became an act of rebellion Jork in hell We jork in hell This is right. I don't want to be right is what I hope to say Okay, so yes, that's fucked up. Yes, this crazy thing happens. I feel like that's enough that everyone should give me a sanity roll. That's fair. Yeah, I saw a dick once. That's valid. Fuck that hurt. I saw a giant eldritch cock, dude.

Francis should have to take a fucking double sanity roll because he's a young boy. And they don't have the same amount of porn in the 50s and now he's really getting like, his understanding of what an average size is, is now way out of control. It's really, really fucked up. Francis is just gonna kill himself. Francis detaches from the goo and goes, never mind. Like he's speed right when every boy is going through when they first start watching porn. He's like Whoa, what?

I get a super success Trudy is not surprised by this. I massively failed. I get a Super success. I failed. You failed? Yep. Give me a 1D 8 Give me a 1d8. Wow. That's how big, huh? Well, I remember in Peach People we were talking about how like, the idea of just like seeing a monster making you insane is kind of bullshit, but you gotta say you gave us something that I'm like, yeah.

I buy this. I buy this. Seeing this would make you go insane. Yep. I have 33 sanity remaining. I got a 3. And you got an 8, Francis? No, I got a 7. I started with 40. Okay. I now have 33 sanity remaining. I got three. And you got an eight, Francis? No, I got a seven. I started

with 40. Okay. Now I have 33 Sanity remaining. All right. Francis, give me an intelligence roll. You want to fail this. You're going to fail this one, guys. My intelligence is a 65 and I rolled a 62 and I'm assuming I can't spend luck to make myself dumber. Oh, so you succeeded. I did succeed. Francis, you are now the monster size of the just everything about what's going on has for the moment sent you into a state of utter shock It's so big. Oh, no Francis. How can I match up to that? Give me a 1d10 roll Francis let me just tell you that a good book. It's more satisfying You're not getting the right dicks! You're not reading the right books! Apparently!

Name one book that's better than nothing! Inside you are two wolves. One is not getting enough dicks, the other is not getting enough books. I got a five. For the next four rounds, Francis, you suffer severe paranoia. Everyone is out to get you. No one can be trusted. Everyone knows how small my dick is! Yes, for the next four rounds, you do not trust anyone you are currently glued to in this fucking goo-to. Let me outta here! Let me outta here! And I'm trying to struggle against the goo.

Who's underneath Francis? See, it'd probably go Kelsey, Blake, Francis, Trudy, Timmy. Timmy, yeah. Blake, hold on to Francis! Francis? It's too big! I can never! I know I'm not a man. I'll never be a man I'm nothing you and you try to convince me that I would I could be something but I can't I can't I'm not anything You're not anything

Choke him out. I can just He's fine just let him work through it. Just let him work through it. Oh my god. He's fine, just let him work through it. Everyone give me a spot-hitting roll. Oh fuck. Oh my god, I succeed so well. I failed. What? I'm 82, I failed. I'm at the bottom. Looks like you're not the only person that dick distracted.

I think I got a super duper success. Yeah, super duper success. I got 99. No, I did poorly. Okay. Oh, I did poorly Trudy what you notice more so than the size of this massive thing slamming into the earth is that it's covered in What appear to be like these big pustule like sores like all over its surface? That's normal, right? We all have that we talk about I think there's a weird looking dick. What do you mean you want me to wear a condom? That's a prison, babe.

That's a prison. This is how it's supposed to look. I want to feel you. You notice they're starting to burst. There are things erupting from these things. Oh, god. And some of them are now flying towards you. Yeah, like starships. Oh my yeah. And some of them are now flying towards you. Yeah, like starships. Oh my gosh.

If the whole final showdown takes place on, like, Cthulhu's dick in the middle of the ocean, this could officially be the most JRPG season yet. Can you imagine if fucking instead of Rise of Skywalker just being a bunch of fucking floating ships in a thunderstorm, it was a giant dick? That'd be so cool. Somehow Palpatine got hard.

This is a good chance for us to roll initiative. roll initiative. We're in goo. We're good Don't we just get zero initiative because we really can't move just like like the way the goo works like we are just like Glued together right now, but like again you can get out of the goo Remember you guys landed it when you guys jumped into the goo last time when you doped it We can get out of it if we choose to If we go really slowly we can get out of it, but if you move fast you're stuck in it That's the way it works like we had to push people in you get into the goo really slowly It's like dune

It's like dune dude No, but remember like all I mean is like you guys landed on the goo and then it just absorbed your impact Yeah, and then you guys got off the goo Yeah, but we're inside of it But you're in the goo, you're covered, yeah If goo. Yeah, but we're inside of your Cube monster And then we'll slowly get out right now we're panicking and falling so that's not gonna happen if they try to hit us fast That's true

Like in Dune, dude Because like the shield Yes, this motherfucker never seen doing the somebody didn't pay attention when Duncan Idaho was giving Chris knife lessons nice My favorite type of action is like you can only get hit Maybe cooler in a book You see in the distance. Let's say six little puss jeweled fucked up guys Hardeling towards you from this monster dick and they will be here in

Let's say one round. So you have one round to prepare This is round one of six as you plummet towards the earth now. What do they look like with the fucked up guys? you know like basically like a little ball of Just like sentient puss. Yeah, like after basically like a little ball of nice just like sentient puss Yeah, like just oozy probably the size of like a beach ball I would say and they've got like a sort of trail of yeah like a ball of puss with like you know, like a stringy trail of like, you know You can't tell if it's organs or hair or something coming off the back How quickly are they moving like the way do they move?

Are they like flitting about like insects? Not to make it too sexual, but they're wriggling as one might imagine a sperm wriggling towards an egg. Ah, gross sperm I get it now, okay. Gross sperm. They're gross sperm. Sky sperm. Sky sperm, yes.

That's what we'll call them, the sky sperm. The sky sperm. With the sky sperm. Um, our... The sky sperm. The sky sperm. That's the sky sperm. Six sky sperm are flying towards you.

And we'll be there in one round. But they're the size of a beach ball? Beach ball to volleyball sized, varying. Volleyball even better. That's making the motion of spiking. Team, note how quickly they are moving and we have these special gel armor we can just retreat to the goo.

Yeah, I think just stay. You want me to stay where I am, don't you? You guys, you want me to stay here so I can get fucked by this big old dick? I'm not, I'm not, I can't, I can't, I can't get fucked again. I can, I can joke him out. Yeah, I think we're pretty vulnerable here. I think inside the goose by the best option, I mean it doesn't- No, it means it's the worst option, I don't trust anything you people are saying.

I like that you have this peak of paranoia, a Car 98 rifle appears in your arms, but it's got a pesky lock on it Like throw Brunhilde off and it's not gonna matter cuz she's gonna breathe here right in my hands Okay, so you throw Brunhilde over the side. Yeah Okay, yes, all right, so I'm doing it fast cuz I'm panicking okay, so then it doesn't move I'm crazy! This is called Cthulhu and I'm crazy! Francis's action for this turn is gonna be to frantically try to push Brunhilda out of the goo. What would the rest of you like to do? Um... I'm gonna close my eyes and pretend it's not happening.

I feel like the goo is the safest spot. I don't think I could do anything. I don't have a weapon. Mothman's up there. I guess I'll say this's like Mothman any ideas I don't like how this turned into me playing college football against myself Like I don't know why these are coming after us We have a pretty strong thing here although Kelsey now that I'm thinking about it I'm doing the opposite of a come hither look at them. Mothman is not protected So therefore Mothman may be in danger. Mothman come join us in the goo. No no no. He's not protected. Well let's go in order.

Blake what are you doing? Is Francis freaking out a little too much? Yeah I just don't let him. Rear naked choke. Rear naked choke. You're gonna rear naked choke Francis? Yes. The boy is popping off. Give me a fighting brawl role. How is Francis going to oppose this? Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Like that. He's just going to... He's just going to flail wildly. There's not a lot I can do right now. Are you trying to wriggle away from him or are you trying to fight back? I don't know if there's even a possibility of me wriggling away.

I mean, again, you guys have a certain degree of freedom of movement in this goo. Barely. I'm literally connected to him and I would be moving fast, which means it would go solid. So I don't think Francis is in the right mind to do pretty much anything Does that give me any advantage because he's like completely right in front of me and I'm in the position to begin with Does that say yes? You can make your attack, but when and if Francis comes to you were the first person on his shit list, okay? That's right. Don't get advantage. Yes, so good good The first role was 84 out of 65 that would have failed

However, the second role was 25 which is a super success We will say that at the end of your next turn he will go unconscious. Okay. It is Mothman's turn So first Mothman is gonna do a strength check to see if he can keep you guys stable in the air right now You're sort of slowly falling And he is going to do a little bit of burst strength to see if he can hold this thing steady, to rear himself up for an attack against these things next turn.

And then that song from Once plays? He fails, so he, like, flexes and flaps his wings, but this is a lot of weight underneath him, and he strains, and you kind of rise up for a second, but then drop back down as these, what do we call them, sperm? Whales. Sky sperm. Sky sperm, as these, what do we call them, sperm? Whales? Skysperms.

Skysperms, as these skysperms start flying towards you. So that is Mothman's turn. Skylander, skysperm. Skylander, skysperm. You know, Skylander, their favorite video game franchise. I remember, where's the next one coming out? What's the next Skylanders? Francis, you already said what you're doing.

You are shoving Brunhilda out of this hole. Kelsey, it's your turn. I'm going to prime for the next round. I'm going to take a page from one of the hot new books that Kelsey just read that she thinks is going to be great for her classroom. I'm kind of pushing it, but you know, again, I remember that we said this was like late 1950s.

This is 1961, but I'm just going to say that this is coming out. She got the advanced copy. James and the Giant Peach. Oh yeah. One of her favorites. She's loving this. She could read a peach for hours. Yep. And she's going gonna do the trick that they did when they captured the birds to get the peach to fly So she's gonna grab one of her many confiscated toys from the kids and get some of that cat's cradle yarn out

And she's gonna make a little noose she's slowly moving herself out so like her legs Are like still in the goo and let her in the goo But she's a my buddy's out and she's got a little noose And she's gonna try to catch one of these things as it goes for a Mothman. Okay, and it's made of yarn Yeah, like, you know cat's cradle. All right, pretty long string to you're trying to lasso them lasso it Oh, yeah enough of them. We can fly away like a peach Okay, I'm assuming these things are going after Mothman because if for us we just look like goo and there's a creature there Like I feel like they are they heading towards Mothman, because for us we just look like goo, and there's a creature there. Like I feel like they are heading towards Mothman.

I think from their perspective, like their weird monster vision, it looks like a fucking giant caterpillar being carried by a bird. Cool. We gotta impregnate that bird. We gotta motorboat that bird. Trudy, it is now your turn. Timmy's like, Mom, I can't reach it, but there's a switchblade in my left pocket. Why would you have a switchblade? Because I know, just because they're cool and I wanted a switchblade. Okay, okay. This is a tie, Mom. I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm reaching into left pocket. Why would you have a switchblade? Because, you know, just because they're cool and I wanted a switchblade.

I mean, but this is a tie, Mom. I'm sorry, Timmy. I'm reaching into your pocket. Okay, yeah. Oh, is this gum? Is this chewed gum? Well, it's a big deal. I was gonna have more of it later. And then all this happened. No, no, that's fine. That's fine. Okay, I've got the switchblade.

Okay, I can't really reach it, but if you need it, then it's there for you, okay? Why would I need it? Because, I don't know, aren't we getting attacked or something like that? No, baby, we're fine. Nothing bad is happening. Mom, stop! Oh, you're always like this. We can just admit that something bad is happening. I'm really scared.

It's okay, I'm scared too. And we're gonna get through this. Okay, I have the switchblade, and if anybody comes near me or my baby, it's fucking over. Ha ha ha. Well, that is now your turn, Trudy. I'm gonna press mole 21. Give me a luck roll. Okay, my luck is 33 and I roll a 15. Ooh, okay. As you press the button, a sigil appears on your forehead

and your eyes glow white. And for a moment, you pierce through the veil of space and time and your consciousness is enlightened and you download a new spell. This is my first spell. Yes and you download a new spell. This is my first spell. Yes, you got a spell now. Congratulations.

Yay! You press the software update button. Yay! You press the software update button. You have until your next turn to pick one spell from this book that you now know. We are now back at the top of the turn order and it is the Sky Sperm's turn. And so these six little wriggling puss fuckers zoom in. We'll say three of them are going to attack Mothman and three of them are going to try to fucking get through the goo to get at

the fucking juicy little human beings inside. So we'll deal with the ones that are attacking Mothman first. One of them he manages to swat it away before I can get to him but two of them slash onto him and you can hear him wince in pain as his body starts to sizzle and burn from their attack. So it seems like they're hot, like we can kind of tell. Yeah, they've got like an acid-y burn thing going on. Okay, okay. Cause they might just be slithering back into the goo. Just like, whoop, whoop, with your yarn. Yeah, I think that, for sure feels like that yarn's gonna get melted or burn pretty quick.

Mothman screams out in pain as he takes three damage from one of them. He was going to take two damage from the other one, but that one landed on his harness and is currently burning through his harness. And at the end of the Fire Vampire's next turn will burn through the harness he's wearing. Blake, it is your turn. I'm finishing the knockout. Okay. Francis is now unconscious. You're welcome sweet prince

By the way, you guys are now five rounds from the ground It is now Mothman's turn Mothman is going to cast melt flush on the one that's burning him He basically claps this thing with both of his hands which then sizzle sort of counteracting the acid and this thing just basically Pops like a balloon right in front of him. Yeah, so that is one down 12 million views on tik-tok Don't go in the comment section on this not go in there Francis It is now your turn you have been knocked unconscious, but you're now astral projecting in the fucking air Is there anything you would like to do while you're flying around? I think- Considering you're mad with paranoia still.

Yeah, mad with paranoia. I think I'm just gonna try to fly away as far as I can. Away from the dick. Away from the dick. Away from the party at- Scald out the area around. I'm not smart enough yet. I'm crazy. As you are hurtling away from the action, give me a spot hit and roll. I knew. Okay, you don't see anything yet. Kelsey, it's your turn.

Kelsey is seeing that these things seem to melt things right away realizes that she changes a tact and takes that cat's cradle and just plays a little game of cat's cradle herself making the upside-down star of the Antichrist and the Rack Witch is going to use her to- The Rack Witch rides again. The Rack Witch rides and she's going to do Rack on one. So the one that's melting the thing already is taken care of right the one that was Attacking Mothman is it yeah, so I'm just going to shoot rack I'm gonna go stop the next one that looks like it's gonna hit Mothman is the one I'm casting it on okay I'm also like sunk back into the goose only my lips are like

Okay, how does rack work? It's a pow. Okay, a post-pow roll. He got a success on his. What did you get? I got a success. Okay, what happens in the event of a tie? Whoever has a higher pow wins. Oh, my pow's only 25. His pow is 65.

Oh wow. So this thing goes... Meesa! But you have successfully drawn its attention. Great, that's what I wanted I wanted yes on its next turn It's going to attack you my lips just go back in like Homer going back into the head Which actually reminds me that I said there were six fire vampires only three of them have gone So we'll do the other three right now

Which were the three they're trying to get to all of you brace So we said that you guys have a non Newtonian Goo, and they have to wiggle through it slowly. Yes. Is that the idea all right each one of the fuck You don't know that they don't but I'm gonna give them an intelligence role So we've got three of these guys babies. They're not even babies yet. Yeah, they're gonna. That's right. I've made a stand Yeah, they're gonna have that's right. I've made a stand. I'm alive What a bold stand from a guy who just talked about how much he likes masturbating we all do right? Didn't like it it wouldn't be so popular. Yeah, that's fair. I didn't like it wouldn't be popular. Yeah

They're real It wouldn't be popular. Yeah First guy tell all the other guys like the first one like hey, I think everybody had that at school There was always the one kid you figured it out before everybody else and you're lying You know I know you just pee into women and that's how a baby happens Well, I don't know what you're talking about third type of thing that no way There's a third option, But they would all of them deceive. Hahahaha But there was another.

Hahahaha All you think about is that fucking line from Reddituy where he's like, I don't like jerking off, I love it. Hahahaha If I don't love it, I don't finish. Hahahaha Ummm

One can get too familiar with vegetables, you know. Hahahaha What else could that line possibly mean when you- It definitely is about jerking off a vegetable. There's literally no other way to take that line. So I'm giving them an intelligence roll. One of them got a five, so that's one that is smart enough to realize how it works. Am I smart enough? Yeah. The other one got a 94, so two does not get it. Am I dumb enough? And the other one got a enough yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Fuck it. Just like a Chris knife This fucking flying sky sperm is red dude. It's playing the dune MMO. It starts wriggling its way through and next turn It's gonna be through that goo. It's gonna fucking bite somebody. It's gonna be through that goo. It's gonna be biting someone right now It's got its eye on Matt the Rock Witch who just tried to rocket sperm, buddy

Alright that brings us to Timmy who is going to like mom what should I do? What do you want me to do? I don't know Timmy just hold on tight. Okay I will. He's on top right? So he doesn't he just kind of holds himself in like a sort of self soothing gesture. Yeah that's fair. Trudy it is your turn what would you like to do? What spell did you choose? Get a couple of questions first. Are there more sperm coming out of the thing? Yes I mean these things are popping like crazy. There's a cloud of these little goo guys forming around the monster cock that's ramming into the earth.

So they're going after cities and shit. Yeah. Well, who knows? Right. You don't know what they're doing, but they're not. They're not from the hole in the stars. Oh, no, it's just this one thing. Just this one thing. OK, not enough. You want two dicks? So Trudy is going to pull back a part of her arm flesh revealing the steel below.

Interesting. And she's going to take Timmy's switchblade, that's like a tongue twister. Take Timmy's switchblade. Ooh, that is. Timmy's switchblade. Timmy's switchblade. Okay. And she's going to carve a sigil into the steel. Okay.

She just figured it out! And she- Promise you'll stop. No, you can't actually joke about that in this one. She's going to hold her turn. Okay, what's the spell? The spell is a little secret. Okay.

And- Just a little scamp thing. Just a little thing. Can you discord us? Do we- can you know? Is it gonna have fun? I feel like- Beth doesn't need to discord you, but I feel like Beth should discord me. No you shouldn't be able to know. Just a little thing. Can you discord us? Do we, can you know? Is it gonna help us? I feel like, Beth doesn't need to discord you, but I feel like Beth should discord me.

No, you shouldn't be able to know. No, fuck you. I didn't know when Cure Blindness was a thing during Mount of the Davids. All right, fair enough, all right. All right. You said she could have any spell. Keep your secrets.

You have one in the chamber. You've got a spell. I've got a spell in the chamber. We have a mystery spell on our hands. Very well. Well, that's your turn then, which brings us back to. Did you just become a Rack Witch? Or are you just part of the rack crew?

You would have sensed the birth of another rack witch. Yeah, she's like there's no process of elimination. She did not choose rack. Because I didn't feel anything? I didn't feel anything. It is now the fire vampire's turn. The fire vampire, just so you know what stat block I'm using. It is now the sky sperm's turn. One of them did not get racked. One of them had attempted to get racked and was now provoked Kelsey's ire. So I'm going to split the fire vampires up into two groups.

So group one, which are the ones attacking Mothman, the one that's on the harness stops trying to burn through the harness and tries to attack that non-Newtonian goo and is going to take an intelligence roll to see if it knows how to get up in that goo and It got a 70 which is not gonna do it another enraged Sky sperm, but it's just like only one sperm gets into the egg Just like that and you know what each one of us is that yeah think about It's actually like you know there's oh you're the strongest sperm no the sperm in front of you Breaks down the barrier and then the very next sperm behind that goes. Thanks bitch and then goes in the egg So we're the smartest. Yeah, we're a bunch of fucking Three line cutters. I always thought that would have been a great game like fall guys

But you're all the sperm and it's like one of those like platforming battle royales And you're all like the last one gets to be a baby very fun And it's like you win everyone's like other all this thing and then it just trips just like procedurally generates like what your life is Just like whoa So the fire vamp I keep saying the fucking wrong thing is breaking my immersion is sperm Shut up sky sperm the Sky! Shut up! Sky sperm. The Skylander's Sky Sperm, the one that Mothman had managed to fend off before, comes circling back around for another attack. Mothman tries to fend this thing off with a beefy right hook, but it fails completely.

This thing glombs onto him and he takes another three points of damage bringing him down To a scant for hit points whoa Mothman's at four yeah, dude Blake it is your turn who's getting attacked by these things Mothman is brawling with one of them and four of them are now Trying to wriggle their way in towards you one of them is going to make it in next turn and then some more of them We're gonna get intelligence checks to see if they can Make it in I just want to grab it by its tail and go burn you the tail I mean, I guess we don't know yoink and just fling it into the table like Hulk. You're trying to smash him Yeah, I'm just gonna smash him. Okay. I like this with your Hulk hands my powerful Hulk hands my workman's hands

All right We're gonna say that this turn yeah Let's do a fighting maneuver to see if you grab a hold of it And we'll say because it's mostly burrowed into the goo it cannot oppose this so give me an advantage Yeah, cuz it's going real slow. Yeah, it's it's already stuck in the 26 fine brawl is already a super success Okay, one's already is a super success, so give me a strength roll. This is to pull it out of the goo 98 oh no how'd I get two good rolls, and then they'll strike I'm just gonna hold them okay, so you've got a good grip on him

So you you you've succeeded in your fight me even you pull, but you can't quite get him out But now your arm is exposed which means you are the other ones can bite you if they want No, no, but here's I can do fumble I go I Just put my arm into the goo now. It's stuck in the goo with me We'll say that you can do that on your next turn you're gonna be exposed for a turn But yes, you've got a grip on this thing and next turn you can try again to break it out and it cannot move Forward without succeeding in an opposed strength role against you which is good for you guys How do you want to play the fumble? We'll say this when you first grab it you do not burn or anything like that

But you in fact squeeze so hard that it's like wringing a sponge And as you wring the sponge of this thing you're going to take burn damage Okay, so you are going to take two damage from burn. That's a spicy sperm. So yes Your arm is starting to sizzle like a hot steak everyone grip it gently Not too hard not too soft. Gently grasp it. Gently grasp it at the base, everybody. It is now Mothman's turn. Kind of up to you, bud.

Mothman is going to try to punch this thing, square in the fucking face as he's brawling with it. And he got a success. Oh, he got a six. He fucking just uses his claws and manages to just grab this thing and just pop just squeeze it with a firm squeeze And this thing explodes in front of him. Oh, we'll give him grasp it. He's gonna have to make a dodge roll to avoid getting burned by it though He fumbles on his dodge Okay, Mothman is down to one HP. Oh no.

So this thing explodes in front of him and he's like, Grrrrr. Fucking you see like acid eating into the flesh of his wings. No. As he's starting to panic, not panic, but he's just,

he's gritting it out and he's still able to stay aloft, but he's hurting. Fortunately no one is attacking him anymore. Francis, it's your turn. Ahhhhhhh. Francis, as you fly, as you continue to Superman, you're away from the fight in the astral plane.

You spot something, because you're close enough to it now. You see a massive airplane flying through the sky. You recognize it as the plane that you guys flew to Percy Kobo ride on. This is the spy plane that dropped you guys off when you jumped out of it. They're swinging back around, and you can just make out Ebenezer white and Yaroslava Baranova flying the fucking thing

This is all a Psyhop. They set all this up to show me a big dick and make me realize what a not of a man I am This is all about me. That's it Jesse. It's all about me. Are you saying this out loud? Why not? He's in I'm in the sauce and also in liminal space Yeah, as you say that you hear a voice in your head. What's up sticky Pete who's sticky Pete? Who is this? This is Ebenezer white come in who is this Francis Farnsworth? Do you read and you realize that your ghost thoughts are beaming over the radio to the ha ha ha ha oh no There's a ham radio operator somewhere be like Jesus Yeah, ah just so your voice You can hear what I'm saying.

Oh, this is great. This is just great. Francis, this is Ebenezer White. Where are the rest of the Color Roll Screams? Oh, you'd love to know that, wouldn't you? So you could just get with them and point at me and laugh at me and tell me what a small boy I am. Pull yourself together, young man! Oh, I'm not a man. I know that now. I, no! I'm a baby boy! I'm just a boy! The boy's gone insane. But the screams are out there somewhere, they're somewhere nearby.

We have to rescue them. Kelsey, it is your turn. Before retracting my lips into the goo, I will take one final pass, casting Rack. I got two bullets, both of which don't work very well, but I will cast Rack. I'll go, stop stop at one of the guys Are you aiming at the one that is trying to burrow its way in or you trying? Yes, I will do the one that's burrowing its way in because it's in there So like you just kind of like like yeah the one you're holding yeah

Yes, you kind of just like wiggle your lips up to it and whisper don't be added. I just do I just do it I'll say I don't know how well sound travels in this fucking goo I mean, I don't think it's a sound it's a spell Spells on a sound way Fair enough, fair enough, fair enough Matt. Okay. Yes, give me the spell I have 25 pow, but I got 13 so I think I need a 12 to be a super success Oh, okay, so you want to sprinkle luck on that? Yeah, let's do it. I'll use one I can use use one right team. Yeah, yeah I'm your luck. Yeah, I got to stop the rack. You could have used one luck to stop what the Americans did. I

Would have I would have done it Jesus. I have 11 luck now a lot better old. That's a good one I rolled a 13. I need a 12 for it to be a super success to be under half under half Okay, because 25 so all wasn't sure. All right. Please, what did he get? So he got literally, he has a 65 and he got a 32, which is one over the line. So you match him. Yeah, we match him.

And then yes, his power is higher than yours. So unfortunately you do not succeed. Bro, you spent that one luck for nothing. I know. You spent 10% of your luck on that. Yep, okay. Well, I got no your luck on that. Yep. Okay. Well, I got no more spells left everybody. Is that your last spell?

I can only do two spells. I can only do it twice. I didn't craft myself to be a Rack Witch. I discovered it late in life. Some are born Rack Witches and some have Rack Witch Trust upon them. I know we can increase our other skills. There's no way to increase our base characteristics though, is there? Well, don't worry. Next turn he's got the fucking alpha and omega to deal with

Old-fashioned way, and I slowly raised my fists boxing pose Timmy seeing mothman getting fucked up and Seeing that you his mom or in peril and all your friends and seeing how fucking dire this situation is He's had enough, and he's decided He's gonna do something so he is going to use his turn to push out of the goo What and prepare himself to fight these fucking monsters Timmy? No, you can't we've got to do something I can't just sit here and watch I can't lose you again Piper No, so he is going to start clawing his way out of the goo and next turn

He's gonna be out of the goo and ready to fuck some shit up. That just means we need to end this now Ready to fuck some shit up that just means we need to end this now You got I can't use it Gotta be more useful than my rack spell that has a chance of working essentially Trudy. It's your turn I think I have something a little more Fancy than a rack spell maybe and I take out my gun. Oh, I forgot you have a gun. Yeah, okay All right, I'm gonna aim for the middle one not middle yeah not the one that's closest not the one that's farthest give me a firearms roll the closest easiest biggest one let's see I've been rolling good all day I know this is gonna be a bad one bad good

which is really really really good I got a one look at one One it's a one Alright fucking roll for damage was just detect this just to know how hard you hit roll a 1d10 Three okay now add a 1d6 six nice and at three so this thing absolutely fucking disintegrates as you fucking this gun goes kaboom and Tim he looks down at you and almost falls and he goes mom you have a gun. I have a gun. Yes. Oh my god That's what I call using protection Okay, he's gonna take a sanity roll from hearing you talk about sex

Which he barely passes, but he says well give me my switchblade back. Okay here I'm gonna switch back mom give me my switch back whoa give me my switchblade back. Okay here. My switch back mom Give me my switch back, and he takes his switchblade back. We're not back at the top of the turn-hours So we are now three turns from crashing into the briny deep. Blake's turn. Wait. No, it's the fire vampires turn So these guys their intelligence rolled again the first one Super duper fails the second one Succeeds so one of these things starts burrowing its way in and on the next turn It's gonna be fucking chomping at you guys and I'm holding on to that you're holding on to the one that's burning its way in so

Yes, now I adjust my grip like ah too tight, and I will loosen my grip a little bit for pleasurable purposes And then I'm going to just try and extract him give me your strength roll again Imagine if you were a sperm the guy starts pulling you back back. Yeah, it's just like whoa whoa whoa whoa hey six Super duper success. Oh wow he got a nine so you beat him Nice. You managed to rip him out of the fucking goo. I just want to slam him into the table Yes, go for it. Give me your fighting brawl roll. Four. As you slam him into the table, he explodes. Just pops.

However, comma, the table is now covered in acidic goo. We'll say the table has five hit points to eat through and it has now taken one. So it's done. Team, we're within three rounds of hitting the ocean, because we're going the ocean, right? Activate retro boosters! You mean that within three rounds of hitting the ocean because we're going the ocean yes activate retro boosters You mean that in three rounds? Napoleon will be master of Europe and only the British fleet will stand before him and oceans will become battlefields If only Trudy if only mothman's turn

Hearing you say that he unbuckles himself from the harness because he has to disentangle himself to fucking get down there I thought the idea was that the harness allows him some free So connected yeah, it was more like a climbing harness I see okay alright, so these got enough freedom of movement to do that alright So then mothman is going to dive underneath you guys and boops all these legs and all of a sudden 10 truity legs fucking turn on their hover mode and your descent begins to slow dramatically and you feel all of yourself squish into that Newtonian fluid

and whatever G forces you would affect from this braking maneuver are absorbed. Now you have two rounds before you make contact with the ocean floor. I think that this also gets anything that was on us. It's like, whoa, where'd it go? You know, all those little- Oh yeah yeah now there are two of these guys and now they are way below us yes so they're below you next turn you guys will meet

back up damn that's what we should have done we should have just continually toggled the legs so that the thing was always like swell like feather breaking they're just constantly missing us so mothman does that and then he flaps his wings and like just sort of like collapses onto the heap to catch his breath for a second And then as he does that everybody give me a listen roll. I Fumble your death 46 I fail try spend 30 luck in order to get this one in or not guys. What do you think? No luck 21 succeeded

There's a lot of jubilant cheering as mouth man manages manages to fucking pump the brakes. Well done Mouthman! But Kelsey, you hear a faint, rapid popping sound as more and more and more of these fucking guys that you just fought. Don't worry, all subs do that when descending. Hahahaha! Holy shit! Wow! June 2025, we're still getting the Ocean Gate jokes. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha That are closing in rapidly. They're not here yet. It will take them a couple turns Mm-hmm, but there's a wall these things coming to be here before we hit the water. Yes, okay Francis it is your turn your paranoia shakes off of you. Oh good

You're far enough away now. They look smaller from here wait Francis. Are you? Mean I have heard some people say that if it's too big it's the problem, so maybe maybe this is fine Maybe I'm fine Are you feeling better? He hasn't regained consciousness I mean, I have heard some people say that if it's too big, it's a problem. So maybe, maybe this is fine. Maybe I'm fine. Maybe everything's okay. Are you feeling better? You're not? He hasn't regained consciousness. He's in the astral plane and no longer part of it. What is it? Why am I flying? Oh!

And I turn back and see my butt in and go, oh shit! Francis! It's E.B. White! Is that you? I just now realized your name is E.B. White. That's great. Uh, yeah. I was caught under Charlotte's web of my own mental distress. But yeah, I'm back now. Are you in some sort of shit? We don't see you anywhere Do you know how are you communicating via the radio? I'm in ghost mode interesting Well for God's sake man, where are you?

Where's the rest of the team so you're not gonna see me if I point but just know that there's a table falling And we're all on the table and there's a moth attached to the table and a bunch of legs under the table So if you just like I hear Yaroslava go like my god there it is I thought that might help. I thought that was some sort of eldritch caterpillar monster being carried by a bat No, that's just your boys. Well, it seems like you're in a spot of bother over there. Would you cover a pickup young man? Oh, that would be great. Yeah, this fucking see whatever see 130 call of duty as This fucking see whatever see 130 call of duty Our kill streak activates your kill streak activates in this plane makes a massive

Banking turn and fucking guns the engine to start coming back towards you great Kelsey. It's your turn There are two of these fuckers below you you guys are all good up You guys are slowing your descent But you're still a very precipitous drop towards the briny ocean deep and you see this wall of monsters coming towards you. Um, I mean I don't have rack, uh, I don't have a weapon, I'm in goo. I mean I've accepted my inevitable death and I say there's a whole wall of them I guess we'll just go down swinging and I'm gonna try to punch wherever the closest one is. Okay they're not here yet, there's no one in country. I'll be ready to go down swinging when they get here but for now I'll just, I'm gonna try to punch wherever the closest one is. Okay, they're not here yet. There's no one in- I'll be ready to go down swinging when they get here, but for now, I'll just, I'm gonna hold my turn then.

You're gonna hold your turn? Yeah, there's nothing to do. I'm just gonna assume, I mean, Matthew knows his plane's coming, but Kelsey does not. Timmy as well, who has just emerged from the goo and flicked out his switchblade, he like fucking wipes the slime from his eyes and says, I'm gonna stab you.

He's fucking, but his hands, he's trying to project a sort of bravado, but his hand is trembling as he's holding this pitiful little knife up to a wall of death that is coming towards him. Trudy, it's your turn. Similar to Kelsey, I think after hearing that there's more coming is like,

I don't know if we can do this. So she reaches out to steady Timmy's hand. And she's like, that's right, my son's gonna get you. Yeah, he like makes like he's trying to protect you, but really he's grabbing your hand and squeezing it really, really tightly. Just like fucking Deonikis and Thermopylae, dude. Dude, fuck yeah, dude.

My favorite words, dude, they put this on the fucking grave of the Spartans dude. Fucking last stand dude, the albo. Alright, it is the fire vampire's turn. No there's sky sperm Will! The sky sperm! Why did I write fire vampires down? Kill me! You can just add that there's also fire vampires coming out of his dick too.

Is the sky sperm's turn. As you stare down this- He's doing a rockin' man. Just like in fucking Toy Story 3, but instead of staring down an incinerator, you're staring down a wall of skysperm. Damn. And they make all due haste.

They barrel towards you, but right as they are about to close the gap, a massive plane flies between you and them. You're able to see as it passes by Jaroslav Barinova in that fucking ball turret. Do you know what I mean? Like the one at the bottom. The ball of the turret.

The Millennium Falcon turret. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Does this plane have skyhook technology? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just this kind of boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom as this fucking machine gun lights up the sky and slices like it's still like a reaper's scythe just cutting through these things. And you acid pops left and right left and right

as it swoops in between the two of you and draws their attention Ebenezer White rolls the window down and says fancy lift as he circles the plane back around. Did you have any Grey Poop out? You guys remember that one? I do remember that one. I remember yelling that from a yellow school bus to very confused drivers as a grade schooler As that is happening we fucking the cargo bay like we got that did we get in the plane not yet, okay? Oh, yes, basically this plane sweet It doesn't pass yeah slices through with the machine gun fire the wall of these things coming towards you It's coming back around for another pass and you see the cargo bay of the plane start to lower and drop open.

Blaket, it is now your turn. We need to steer this thing into the back. Oh yeah? Mothman, use your wings and steer us into the back. We'll be able to withstand any speed that we get into it because of the goo. Very well. And Mothman starts to shuffle himself up and get ready for one more heroic push. What would you like to do on your turn? We could go like so we could propel ourselves towards the cargo bay.

Interesting trutie, yes. We each have two hands, right? So we can each reach down under the table and try to maneuver the legs a little bit. Everybody grab two legs and use them as propulsion. Yes, propel, Push towards the plane! We're gonna redirect the jet vectors, the thrust vectors. It's like a big deal in like spacefaring craft can do this, which is like vector adjusting thrust. Like an F-22! Yeah dude! It's a VTOL technology.

We invent VTOL before anyone else does and I'm gonna grab two legs. Okay. And I'm gonna like... Sort of just angle them towards. Angle them towards to sort of, well it's complicated 3D vector math that Blake is doing in order to, yeah. Just goes by feel.

You're bending all the legs backwards. No, I'm gonna hold them like Iron Man. Oh, okay that's great. Everyone who's doing that is gonna be able to give Mothman an assist on his role when he starts to push this thing. Ah, very good, very good, very good. Okay, sick, so that is what.

Excuse me, Truthy, as I pick up one leg. Excuse me, Truthy, as I pick up the other leg. I've heard of giving you a hand, but I'm giving you two legs. Okay, so it's Mothman's turn. Mothman is going to fucking flare out his wings and get pulled back, and then he slides around to the back of the table full of legs and people and goo

and starts flapping his wings with all his might and pushing it straight forward to try to line up with the plane. And it's like that landing mini game and the Top Gun game for NES. Oh my god. Yeah dude. What a fucking bull. I tell you, I'm really good at it.

Like I don't know. Are you? Yeah, I don't understand why anyone ever had problems. It's so hard. Francis, you wake up back in your body Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh Francis grab some gams What grab some gams? Oh, okay sure and I'm gonna do this are you grabbing gams Kelsey? What are you doing? I grab the games okay?

You grab the games Timmy seeing what everyone else is doing and relieved at the fact He doesn't have to face down in a whole fucking army of guys is gonna grab games as well I'm fucking five pairs of hands. That's ten Gams ten that's half the game The ship and Trudy removes her own games Your legs well no from like if I'm trapped in the sludge like oh, I think you may pull your legs Haha, I was like whoa I think I just like aim my legs and then using your hands or other games So you got you're providing four games got four games of thrust going a classic four game maneuver 12 games

This is I think they call this the four game problem That is sick alright So the everyone is steering these legs as the door to the plane lowers it swings back around and you see Ebenezer white just looking absolutely baffled at this fucking contraption that's flying Yeah, like we're the weirdest thing. You guys aren't stacked anymore. You've all repositioned We're all kind of like hanging over the side of the- Is that the same White? Yeah, same guy. What? Strunk in white? Freddy are you fucking playing the Top Gun game right now? Oh, I get shit. Anthony gets to play Steven but I can't remember if I'm still got it

I don't I guess shit the five I get to find out if I still got it live on the How long does it take to get to the part where you lay in the plane? If you go get a diagnosis you can play games How long does it take to get to the part where you lay in the plane? It's like the in-between level thing. I'm just curious. Don't worry. I'll keep you fuzzin'. Alright, here's what we're gonna do. No, you should make it up to Freddy if we live or die now. Yes, yes, no, it's up to Freddy if you live or die.

No! If Freddy can lay in the plane... If it's NES Top Gun... Here's what's gonna happen. I cannot believe you're fucking playing this game right now. Freddy is playing an emulator of Top Gun for the Nintendo NES. He's currently blasting names out of the sky. No, he's not playing it on a legal cartridge on the legal NES system. I'm playing it on the NES we keep in the office legally. So, here's what's gonna happen.

The two sky sperm that were beneath you are gonna get a chance to attack. However, before they do, we're gonna see if Freddy, as the collective will of all of you plus Mothman, is able to land this plane. This is dangerous. I don't remember this game. Yeah, well, that's what you get for fucking playing games during my fucking session without a diagnosis Doctor's note okay, my doctor says I can play video games the problem is they have to get through this first like Jesus fucking Christ This is kind of a cool game For its time oh yeah Fuck it makes dude It was a cool game dude. For it's time, oh yeah. God damn, these fucking, these fucking mics dude. How's he doing on the non-landing part?

He's doing pretty good, I gotta say. All right. He's shot down quite a few mics. I will, you know, Freddy's a pro gamer. Fuck dude. Dude, this is good sound design. You already shot more bolts than the entire movie at top down.

Freddy is moving the mic towards the sounds. Yeah, I just wanna make sure. Landing sequence, here we go. Landing sequence, here we go. Landing sequence, here we go. Oh my God, I have to. No, I don't. I don't even remember doing this. Oh no.

Freddy's going in. This is... We've got blue sky. Bro, this is so intense. Speed down, wait, wait, wait. Speed down, no, I don't mind for this side. All right, the carrier group is approaching. This is the most tension we've ever had on the car.

Speed down, speed down. How do you do speed again? You've got a big wall of, Jesus fucking Christ. Wait, you know what you're doing. Up turn, speed down. I've never been more fucking suspense filled in my entire life than I am right now in this podcast this doesn't have this shit this doesn't have

the shit like saying up with two exclamation marks ready I think you're coming in too low okay Beth has just got her head in her hands. Like she's fucking. Oh shit, hold on, hold on, hold on. There's no second chances. I didn't have the red buttons! No excuses. No excuses.

No! Well, the um... You all die at podcast silver. Whoa! So surely if anyone is gonna have a clutch gamer moment Freddy's on the reddit trying to look Remember you could know here's why I remember you could change the speed there was a button for that It just kept saying up though. It didn't say slow down. You got it to slow down. It kept saying up It's an up. It's an opposite slow down. You can adjust your speed using a and B. Okay

You didn't test water to them were you pressing We're all dead Happen here's what's gonna happen. Here's what's gonna happen. We're crashing Okay, we're gonna come crashing in okay, okay, okay, this Freddy failed. Here's what happens. You guys are coming in Mothman is steering somehow you get the sense that this is all Blake's fault even though it's a group Oh, yeah, we all get says that Blake does Blake's like I know what we're doing We got not go up and then yeah, you guys keep Too slow too slow, too slow! I'm like, I know this is going to be perfect.

Blake is coming in way too slow, he's just dropping like a rock. Yaroslav and Ebenezer are desperately trying to line the plane up. They drop their plane to try to match you guys. At which point, it throws everything off. Mothman, to avoid crashing into the plane, banks sharp to the left. You basically wind up crashing into this loading ramp at like a weird angle Yeah, and you just smash into it and shear the loading ramp off So the table itself just snaps asunder you are all now free falling

Oh God into the ocean you have two rounds as you all we miss You don't miss you crash land into the part of the plane that now snaps off and The impact causes your entire sort of Jerry rigged thing to explode. Okay, so we discussed I'm going to do what it has given people about a point zero zero five percent better chance of hitting the ground Lay on her back Spread her arms wide again and just you know Alright so I will say there are several things sprayed around the environment right now one of which is a bunch of hover legs That are flying through the air Presumably within arms reach if you want to yeah, I want to go and try and grab some hover hover legs

Okay, yeah Yeah, I want to go and try and grab some hover hover legs. Okay. Yeah, I'll grab two game It's like in Jurassic Park where the skeleton shears apart and they're all on their individual bones We were holding two days were all gripping onto a leg as well. We have one leg each hand Oh, so yes, this is what happens is the boat fucking shatters now instead of all of you getting on together Each one of you is now holding on to dear life for two legs They're spraying all sorts of crazy directions Okay, do they have enough power are we flying like jet packs with these things or are they just slowing us down as we fall? I would say it's more of a jet pack situation. Yes, you can use them for maneuvering. It's not breaking You know, you can use them to break if you want the same way you could use a jet pack to land or move

You have that okay I mean, yeah, then we should all try to get back into the ship It'll be a strength check to hold on to them and you can use them to try to steer your way into the ship and Mothman's also flying around what do we roll just to shoot back into the ship we will make this a straight Dex roll to manipulate the legs to make your way into the ship we're gonna start with Blake Dexterous is I 91 out of 75 Now here's the question this feels like a luck kind of situation feels like you might want to spend fucking blow

16 luck on this I think so I think there's a do or die situation Yeah, I'm gonna blow 16 luck which takes me down from 28 down to oh No, you're with me 12. Oh, I got 11 like me you, baby. All right, I make a success. Blake manages to fucking, after ruining all of your day, he's the first one to make his way successfully into the cargo ship. And I land most gracefully. Francis, you're up. You can roll with advantage, because you also

have a third leg that is attached to your body that is an actual. Your penis? No, you have like an actual truant leg. I got a super duper success. I rolled a nine. OK, great. You do like a fucking cool Iron Man landing as you get in there. No, you have like an actual super duper successor rolled a nine okay great You do like a fucking cool Iron Man landing as you get in there Timmy is going to

roll What me me saying you was like that one clip of Jeopardy where they're like This is the age 13 in some cultures and the guy immediately charms in with the age of consent and Trebek is like, no. No. Doot doot.

That little frog noise. How much did you wager? Every 10. Timmy rolled a 49 so he barely makes it in and crash lands and stumbles across the way Kelsey give me your roll I reach out like the horse in shadows of Colossus Shoot under So yeah, I mean I got something 76 that I don't even have enough luck to Have 11 luck so I would only get me to 65 so Kelsey is falling

Trudy give me your role. Can I roll with disadvantage if I throw a leg to Kelsey? You're gonna throw a leg to Kelsey. Yes right now I will say the same way that I gave Anthony advantage, you have two hover legs. Yeah. And you are also holding two legs that you were thrusting with. Yeah. So yes, you can throw them to Kelsey or throw one to Kelsey, because yeah, we'll say that when she biffed it, her legs went shooting off into the fucking stratosphere. So she is currently free-falling. It's gonna be a throw roll to do it.

Okay. And then I think Kelsey will probably have to do a dex roll on her turn to catch it. There's also Mothman is also flying around and could presumably catch one of you to save you one of us Yes, so if you biff it and biff it then Mothman is gonna have a real fucking like Superman moment yeah, I have really low Dex though, so I don't think I'm gonna succeed anyway. You've got advantage, okay? All right, then maybe I will not just just you know I'm not gonna help Kelsey Kelsey I'm in it for myself Notorious for your son notoriously selfish robot. I have nothing more to teach

Okay, so my first role is a fail a really bad one and then my second role is a fail How bad so my decks is 25 and I rolled a 71. Oh god. What was your first roll? It was a 68. Okay. Trudy! Kelsey!

Okay, so you're both falling. All the boys made it on, thank god. Just use me as cushion. It is now Mothman's turn. Just hang on to each other. Just get on top of me, I'll break your impact. No! You have a child.

This is good, this is good though. You still have your robot legs that are boosting. The women are trying to talk to each other. Continue. We're trying to pass the bed-shale test here. Go ahead. Timmy's a boy, right? Oh no! We did talk about him!

We failed! No, go, go. Mothman, seeing you both plummet, is going to swoop down to try to grab you guys. So he dives down, the fucking ocean is just hurtling towards you at rapid speed. The plane is starting to pull away because it can't slow down enough without crashing into the ocean itself.

The fucking sky sperm are closing in on all vectors. Mothman barrels down to swoop in and catch you guys. Fortunately, it's not gonna take him strength to hold onto Trudy because Trudy has rocket boosters. Yeah, so she presumably holding onto himself. He's gonna make a strength roll to try to grab Kelsey one arm. Trudy, you have a child and now maybe she's glasses between your mouth and a father for that child. No, Kelsey! They'll find another teacher. There's plenty of teachers out there.

None of it is worth it without you Kelsey! He got a 17. So he grabs onto fucking Kelsey and manages to- it's like, I know I quote this a lot, but it is almost exactly like when Batman begins. Rosal Gool goes over the side and then fucking Christian Bale has to like one arm and his bicep is just like Cuz I was thinking about Batman earlier because like when we were both falling It's kind of like in Dark Knight where she's like I know he's gonna pick me, but I don't want him to So his wings flapping He's kind of like guiding Trudy using Trudy's rocket boosters to help propel him and Kelsey towards the ship and the three of you Francis and Blake and Timmy see them coming towards you and Timmy's eyes alight with hope as he sees his mother

Sort of like hurtling towards him Mothman as they're approaching like flaps his wings out. He throws Trudy She guides straight in he's coming towards into stick a landing with Kelsey and right as he does that Francis oh You hear a voice in your head Yet and as you look down you see a spear in your hands And you remember from your dream that it's the shape of the spear That killed Brunhilde his mother that she's transformed back into you. And before you can scream, before you can stop, before you can resist, you find her taking over your body,

you dig in to a javelin-throwers pose and lob the spear and it pierces straight through Mothman's head. While he's still two feet away from the ship. Oh. And he and Kelsey plummet into the water. Whoa. No! Both of them! Ha ha ha ha! I am the broken sky.

All I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary. It's the only way to get through. I am the broken sky, all I ever wanted was to feel so ordinary In a world that lies, twisted in my mind and now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star All that I can see is a hole in the star Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today

Thanks so much for listening. First, important news. We've been recording a little bit ahead, batching some episodes in anticipation of Will's New Kid. And it happened! Congratulations! Will will not be talking to you on social media. Instead, direct your energies towards our Patreon, patreon.com, slash, Dungeons and Dads, where you can support this show directly.

In addition to feeling good, you'll also get a bunch of episodes of stuff, everything from our laid-back chill after show, all of our mini-series played in different systems and chock-full of special guests, and even bizarrely popular niche audio content like Kingdom Dad Monster, an ongoing board game campaign and the darkest, weirdest, horniest, dandy board game ever made, Kingdom Death Monster, a game that Matt Arnold himself backed early on Kickstarter, which believe me is a lot of board gamer cred. I've seen it firsthand, it's disgusting. Over on web address patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads, we're going to be posting a teaser

image, editor Omar's edit marker notes for the next episode of Kingdom Dad Monster. And this image does not get you hyped for this audio content, then you know what? Nothing will. Instead, you should sit back, relax, and ride on the shoulders of others who support this podcast. Cool people like Evan Fia? That's the weirdest name I think we've ever gotten. Chris Duncan, Dustin Fanning Painter, Zombified Apple, Colton Green, Flow Duke, Jacob Kelly, Oddity Monger, Anders Ballow, Michael Kearns, Christian Woodall, Prudy C, Zina the Z, Emily Moore, Eri Ammar, Ampatel, Lucas Dejan, Ogvats, Lauren Sieber, and Justin

Weeks. Dungeons and Dazes, Mad Arnold as Kelsey Grammer, Anthony Burch as Frances Farnsworth, Will Campos as RDM, Beth May as Trudy Trout, and myself, Freddie Wong as Blake Lively. I ju- hey guys, I read it wrong last week and I was going on vacation so I didn't have time to fix it so like... relax! I also did play Tony Collette! Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller, Anissa Omran as our content producer, Ashley Nicolette as our community manager, Courtney Terry as our community coordinator, Cindy Denton as our merchandise manager, Esther Ellis as our lead editor,

and Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide additional editing. Support us directly on Patreon, that's patreon.com slash dungeonsanddads. Merch and more at dungeonsanddads.com. We're all going to diemovie.com is where you you're gonna find download links for the movie Matt and I made. If you're in Edinburgh, go see Beth's show at Fringe. Tickets are selling fast! Next episode, August 12th. We'll see you then. Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away But I'll stay today All that I can see is a hole in the stars Smiling in my dreams and making them scars But I'll stay today

Here's what we're going to say happens. I can play a round of Cool Borders 98 and then we can see it. No, Bethany, that would totally negate because you would shred at Cool Borders. I know. We can see it. No Bethany, that would totally negate because you would shred at Cool Borders. I know. Oh.

Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. The last time I nicked my finger, I threw on a bandage, took care of it right away. But when I brushed my teeth and saw blood in the sink,

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