Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 34 - The Two BB Problem

Episode Date: September 23, 2025

The Screams are seein' double!This episode contains Profanity, Violence, Sexual Content, Drug/Alcohol Use.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is “A Hole in the Stars” by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On October 17th, I'm an angel. See the wings? Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune starring Seth Rogan, Aziz Ansari, and Keanu Reeves, critics rave, it's haven't sent. Don't you have a budget, guardian angel? Kind of. You were very unhelpful. Good Fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the description. Welcome to Pod Save Zuzel. I'm John Pfeiffer. I'm John Lovett. I'm Dan Pfeiffer. I'm Debbie Vito. Hey, we've got all four bros on the pod today. It's a real lassie lone ranger crossover. I was going to say Lucy meets Superman, but you do you. Does that make me Superman in this metaphor? Dan, I always got more of a Mrs. McGillicuddy vibe from you. Wow. Don't know whether to be flattered or insulted by that.

Lots to talk about today. The anti-Zuzel resistance just can't stop taking L's. We'll talk about the capture of the guttural screams. Reactions to Monday's execution of Scrippy. Hey, remember that guy? He's the Mrs. McGillicuddy of the Gutterall screams, right? Wait, does that make me the Scrippy of this pod? Ouch.

Tough blow, Dan. We'll also talk about Speaker Kelsey's erratic behavior at the execution ceremony. Then we'll discuss how Dems should respond to a new time Sienopole that shows the party 10 points on. Underwater with Gen Z, which is, of course, the nickname for the first generation of voters born under the reign of Lord Zuzel. Yeah, it's not great, John. But first. Today's presenting sponsor is ZipRecruiter.

ZipRecruiter is the number one heretic hunting service that Zuzolites used to turn dissidents into drooling devotees. Use promo code pod save to get a free sacrificial dagger with which you can call forth the minions of Zip and scour the minds of Appostates in your area today. All right, when we come back, Borgot the high torture comes by the pod to talk with Tommy about when and if. will ever be released from this pod. Yeah, sat down and had a really insightful conversation with Borgoth. Good news. He's letting us out of the pod. Bad news. He's moving us into a smaller pod that's infested with rats. No!

Come on, this sucks. This is no good. I hate this. Yeah, come on, Forgoth, be a brook. We can't get wrapped around the axle here. There's got to be a better way to run around. The pot is horrible. The pot is painful. The pot is pain. Welcome to Dungeons and Dad. He's not a BDSM podcast.

This is a peachy podcast. Season four, the Peachyville horror. Wait, see the four guys. I'm really upset. What's happening? A girl at a pizza place, going to Peachville. Did you guys talk about something before and that we're not? You guys didn't talk about this?

No, I'm Will's taking it. Freddie's out with a cold. So, you know, thoughts of praise for Freddy. I'm here. What did you do last episode that? What's happening? Wronged Will so deeply that he would talk. I was just trying to be funny, guys.

I was just trying to keep you on your toes. What is the PG-Ville podcast about? It's about four everyday schmows fighting the forces of darkness and suburban 1950s America. Hey, they say dress for the job that you want, and Freddie and I kind of have a similar drip going on today. So you want to be Freddie? You want to, in the last few episodes of this, be like, Freddie, you're DM in now. I'm playing Blake. I'd like to see you carry that heavy mantle.

I just want to be Freddie. I think he's so cool. I mean, we all do. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good inspiration. Straight up, I wake up, I take a piss, I look at myself in the mirror. I'm like, nice. I told you that my daughter has asked my wife why she didn't marry Uncle Freddie before.

Has she really? She really? What? She's like, why didn't you marry Uncle Freddy? That's amazing. Uncle Freddy's the best uncle. Girl, look at that, Freddy. If he hangs the crown, I cannot wear it.

Freddie was not okay with her saying that, by the way. Let's be clear. My name is Freddie Wong. I played Blake Lively. The liveliest plumber this side of the Mississippi. Wow. We're back in Peachterville, Matt. And the end of the world is nice.

We're back to Blake's normal accent. Is that what you're trying to argue? We'll start like this and you with this accent. This is insane. I'm straight up wondering like, am I okay? Like, are we okay? The left side of your face is drooping. What's happening?

Do you smell toast, Matt? Imagine if you worked in a toast factory. The toast factory. God, everyone's in there being like, by having the stroke? Every lunchtime, everyone's like, I just struggle. Don't you hate how you have to make your own toast? What if we pre-toasted it for you?

They don't have, they don't call it fast. Well, that must be what they're doing with eggos. Also, is there a toast fact? You do have to toast egos. I know, but they're making them before. You just got to heat them up. You don't buy toast. You buy bread.

You buy bread. Well, I'm just saying that a waffle is made in a waffle maker, inherently a toasting kind of object. And then you buy a box of eggos and put it in your freezer. and then you put it in the toaster, and then your egos or the microwave. And if Freddie had mentioned the egos smell, I would be on your side.

I'm just saying... Fastening inside into the breakfast habits of one Beth May. If your face is drooping and you smell egos, that's a problem. I think that would be a good way to go, actually. You haven't had enough eggos, baby. Let's do a bar.

I'm sorry. I've got to all making me feel high. I don't know what's happening. I play Blake Lively, the plumber of the group, the no nonsense, straight talking, straight shooting, bad swimming plumber of the group. This week's Blankley. Like fact, the moment we entered Pitchieville Airspace, his little communicator watch went,

which means that his underground bunker underneath his residence is still there. And I'm not going to. That's it. Well, his cool underground bunker is still there. Well, what are you going to do about it, huh? This is why I should have just get playing you. I'm Freddie Wong and that's not real. Hey, everybody.

My name is Matthew Arnold and I play Kelsey Grammer. Peachtyville's happiest and snappy at school marm. And you know what she always says? What? Brothers are like books. They're easier to read. Wow. She can read her brother like a book.

A little fact about Kelsey is she has never done any drugs whatsoever. And she refuses to. She will never do any drugs. No coffee? Nice. No, I mean, she'll coffee drink and smoke, but like she will not do any drugs. Drug is such a nebulous label. Yeah.

Does she doing any of those like little zippers they were doing in the 50s that like, what about no tropics? Those were just to help a housewife get. through her day, Matt. What's Kelsey's no tropic stack? This is a nice whiskey and five packs of cigarettes. Okay.

But no drugs. My body's a temple. I've never heard someone reference new tropic stacks as much as you do that. I know, I really love it. It's like your cellar door. No, I love it.

Yeah. I could feel the fucking quake in the force when that guy had all those new tropics in the fucking episode of the rehearsal. I could feel it from that's body's radiating out. There should be a first person shooter where you get all that. Like you get to have your

nitropic stacks. I just want to remake Scarface, but it's a, about no tropic stats. Hi, I'm Anthony Birch. I play for his as far as where the kid that's doing his best. And my Francis fact, well, actually, I have a first of sort of, it's not a Francis fact, just Anthony fact.

I think I mentioned this on the previous episode, but starting a new podcast called Gumshoes and Dragons. And if you're listening to this now, that means the most recent episode that came out, has Beth as our guest murderer. So if you want to hear Beth as our guest murder. You were on a different episode and the one with us. And in the future, all the daddies will show. If it helps.

I remember I had the worst stomach. when recording that episode and I was just trying to act like a normal person but I was like, oh my tummy! I mean, you were funny. Yeah, you're probably still so funny though. Yeah, it's fine.

Funny, funny. So that's the end thing is fact. Francis's fact is that because he's now afraid of sinning, I realize I have to like do way less things with him because I think Francis thinks most things are sin. Oh, no. He can't lie. You can't covet.

You can't beat off. That's obvious. Like the second he saw the big dick in the ocean, he can't beat off. Beating off is usually covering. by not coveting. Oh. What do you?

I mean, you're usually coveting something while you're beating off. What if you're just, you know, dorking it to your wife. You're thinking about your wife and you're jorking it. Well, Francis is not jerking off to his wife. So we'll not be doing that. That's my facts.

Yes. Hi. My name is Beth May. Well, ha, Beth. Hi, Scrippy. Aren't you dead? Yes, but I've risen again. Oh, I always believed you would.

My name's Beth May and I play Trudy Trout, a homemaker, robots, and mother of one beautiful child. Fun fact about, Trudy is that she was actually banned from the Peachyville hot dog eating contest. The problem is she just takes mega bites.

That's good. Good one. Saving the best for last. Holy shit. She came back. I was sitting on that for like a week and a half and I was like, ooh, I finally got a good one. Yeah, two days ago, Beth was telling me like, it's going to fuck you up. She fucking said it up for me and it's still delivered.

Hi, everyone. I'm Freddie Wong. I run this podcast. I'm the boss of Rocket Jump. I'm the boss of the podcast. I'm a cool guy. I drive a van. I'm, you know, like, I'm just the coolest dude. I'm a joker. I'm a smoker. Today, I'm playing the part of Will Campos, who is the dungeon keeper of this game. I'm so tired. Do I'm tired? Do I'm tired? You did this to yourself. What's going on? Eat someone on. Hey, Will. They won't sleep. Well, you slam it. They won't sleep. I'm so tired. But your children here are awake and ready to play with you, Daddy.

Hell. Come on, Daddy. Flam 4 Celsius energy drinks. Dude, I've been ripping black coffees all morning. I literally just didn't. Slam four Celsius and the new tropics is that shit. Look at this shit, Freddie. I would have chained together two large black coffees, like one of those people that lights their cigarette with another cigarette.

I'm trying. I'm trying my best. Will's poured the dredges of his Starbucks into his Mick Cafe. Dude, I'm on that Mick Cafe. Let's how you know you're in that dad life. I literally go to McDonald's and order a single black coffee. Oh, yeah. My creepy fact today is inspired by Eggos.

Did you guys know that in the 1950s, Egos had a name so disturbing that to even invoke it now will render your brain in twain, so get ready. Does this mean that you didn't have a scary fact ready until Beth said Egos? That's what's so scary about this thing. Was it just called Waffles? They were called Froffles.

Frozen Woffles. I love that. Bring it back. Bring back the froffles. I wonder if you could do that now, because they didn't use the name. So you could you just start a frozen waffle called froffles? Maybe.

That's really good. I should have named a proffles instead of zoosel. Oh, well. Froffles. But they're not frozen when you eat them. That was probably what the... That's probably what the Madison Avenue fucking ad genius who fucking shot their shit down told them. They're not frozen when you eat them, though.

It's like when uncrustable say you can't microwave them, but you absolutely can. Yeah. Legally, we can't. We have to say that you don't, but Matt does. The uncrustable opinion. of Beth May are not a dors by a professional so don't do this don't do it you're an uncrustable professional look I know how long hey Matt to eat uncrustables I know how much molten sugar my mouth can handle it's 12 seconds max it depends on the microwave so

those are throwing numbers out there bet for my microwave your microwave dude this is old with your doctor to see a microwave and uncorciples is right for you not how microwaves work but whenever they're like hit that pop top for five seconds I'm like but it needs time to warm up. Like, at least the got the little magnets in there, got to get spun up first. That's not fast in there. You got to preheat your microwave, I thought.

We have a job to do people. Okay. Yeah. When last we left our crew, you were back in Peachyville, skulking about the town, in an attempt to reach Project Heartland, because you now have the three keys

that you need to open the door that may have Kelsey's brother, John behind it, who told Kelsey in an alternate universe that he has a plan to save Pitchieville and the world. A third way. A third way. The green ending of Mass Effect. Yeah, it's a real Andrew Yang straight down the middle, third-party solution to the horrible problem.

The horrible problem of you in the country find themselves in. And it's definitely going to work. We were skulking through town, sneaking around. When you came across Shane Silva Jr. dragged. Small Shane Silver. Dragged into a van and hauled off by a bison goon squad. And then in the van, you spotted one Milton. And then went to go rescue him, had a crazy gunfight, killed everybody,

opened the door, found Milton in there, along with Beebe. But what's this? You already saw Beebe earlier doing something else. And then she's on the radio talking to you. Two BBs? And she's in the car. There's two BBs. This week on Dungeons and Daddies, Two BB or Not Too Beebe. also you all leveled up

yeah whoa what I think it's the second time we've leveled up spent a while you know you guys gotta ask me about it I'm sorry I did it

I didn't remember you just roll if you go higher you get to roll more you get to roll D10 and add that many points yeah but it's to your

I'm sure you guys have all been I have I have I have I put little marks I got little check marks does that mean that our hit points are back to full

no you know this isn't like that this isn't that kind of game but that's my favorite not to make this about video games but every time I level in an RPG if I don't get all my health back, I'm mad.

Like every, say every, when you level up, you get your health back. Dude, this is bullshit, dude. I passed all of them and every single one. It was like one, two. Still something. Yeah, there you go. Good thing I got more points in swimming.

I failed on quite a few of these. I got three extra points, though, both in fighting brawl and in spot hidden. But then some of the easier ones I should have gone, I did not get, like persuade. I did not get any. Psychology, I got one. My spot hidden is now 40. my spot hidden is 53 baby oh you and me dude it's a d10 for every sale we've used no no no you roll

a d-100 and then if it's higher than the number that you currently have so like my library use is 70 i rolled uh 32 so i don't get anything if i rolled above a 70 then after that you roll a d10 and then that number is what you get anybody got anything cool from their leveling up i got a couple points here and there i got eight points into fighting brawl what you're at i'm at uh 78 You're better at fighting for all than I am? I've got a lot of unchecked rage, apparently. Dang, dude.

I got nine points in firearms. Wow. Oh, scrap, scrap. I did get 10 points in locksmithing. Remember when I tried to open the car door? No. When we're at the library with Brian, that's how long has been since we've leveled up.

Matt, don't worry. I got plenty of locksmithing. So now I'm at 11 on locksmithing. I got 10 points. I got 11. I think you're only supposed to do it if you succeeded at the skill, but we'll give it to you. Oh, really? Yeah, that's fine.

I thought it was an attempt. I got it wrong, but it's fine. Don't worry about it. Trudy. This is house rules. This is what this is where's will plays. I got two extra on first aid. I failed in drive auto.

I failed in fast talk, which is sad because I have five in fast talk. And I rolled in two. Oh, no. I got a fast talk. And then finally swimming. I have a 20. And I rolled an 11. Those are these great rolls if we were actually doing stuff, Matt.

It's true. I got some points here. I don't think we're going to swim again. Whenever I pass the. 100 check, and I do the 110. I've been getting like nines and tens. It's crazy. Oh, I've only run three times, but it's still, it's just crazy.

I got two nines and a 10. Awesome. We're more powerful. You guys are slightly more powerful. A little more pep in the step. You go a little more spring in your step. So yes, where we left off, Matt took out the last guy right as he was grabbing the radio and said, we need help.

Oh, yeah. Blake was in the middle of curb stomping everybody outside when he heard the squawk of the radio and then was talking to one BB on the radio while the rest of you were in the back, looking at another Beebe sitting next to Milton, who is, I believe, bounding gag, going, Hello, team, Beebe has some things to report. Wait, what? Is she on the radio right now?

Yes. But there's a, put her on speaker, put her on louder radio, turn the radio up. I turn it up. Beebe? Okay, I'm trying to think the speaker is in the front of the cab. We'll say you guys can hear it. This is we don't have to do a bunch of shit.

I will turn it up. You roll down like the separator. Yeah, they roll down the thing. Okay, listen. Fuck yes Hello, it's me Condor 1 I'm here with

I can't believe we said your code name was cool guy but I'm here with cool guy Robot son We just left Weird Kid

And there was no sign of weird kid Where are you Condor 2 Weird kids here Weird kids with you Is he okay And so are you

Okay And so is Condor 1 What do you mean So is Condor 1 There's BB here We have BB at home Say something Only the real BB would know

So you see Your BB Not your BB You see the BB in the cars. Will send your BB. Will send your BB. I think this is our BB. Well, considering the noise he's making now, I don't know if that's true.

Bro, she's bound and gagged. Okay. I don't think we should tell them about each other. Condor 1. Hold, hold, call back in five minutes. Team, we have a dilemma. There appears to be two BBs. But how would we know which one is the real BB?

I barely know that. I have an idea. Yeah, go. We'll say to two. this Bibi. What is your code name? Well, she's, okay. Try it. Oh, someone needs to get the tape.

I take the gag off. Code name, what are you, what are you talking about, Blake? What's going on? Tate back on. No, no, no. When was the switch made? Is the question? Listen, here's what we know for sure. This Bibi does not know her code name. Yes. Okay, Bibi. What is your greatest fear? Taped off. Oh, my greatest fear is communism.

Tape on. Tate on. Okay. Ask the other one, what's their greatest fear? But we don't know the answer. They're not going to get the control. I know, but let's just see it because we know BBE well. Okay, okay, okay. Condor one. Yes, this condor one is everything okay?

Need to verify identity, Condor one. Quickly, what is your greatest fear? My greatest fear is the forces of America succumbing to the evils of communist Russia. Fascinating. Condor one, hold, hold. Okay, but I'm just all right. Wait. I hang up on Condor one.

What is neither of them is the bad BB. You're suggesting a, like, if you were to trap your parents by making the thing that you're, what are you talking about? Oh, no, Trudy, you can be right? True. Trudy. B.B, do you have a twin we don't know about? Tape off. No.

Okay. Take off. In the background, you see Shane Silva is like, hey, guys, I can't help but feel like, can we, should we go? Should we go somewhere? Yes. Yeah, Blake, start driving while we're doing this conversation. Yeah, let's figure this out at speed. Yeah.

Very well. My personal communicator has indicated. Did you lose a leg, too, man? Yeah, same zies. Oh, my God. Unfortunately, the same side as you, though, so we can't, like, do the cool three-legged race thing where we have, like, one big gap between our legs on either side. Oh, that's too bad. Hey, you know, there's like, I meet up with some guys now that are like us, you know, that lost limbs and stuff, you know, like, it's like a kind of a support group.

Like, you're more than welcome. I think I'm good. Are you sure? And he puts a hand on your shoulders. You sure? Oh, Jesus. This escalated. I had an idea with Bibi.

I don't want to think about these feelings right now. Let's talk to Bibi. Yes. Bebiby. My personal communicator has indicated that we are within range of my armory. Boo! I will drive to my house. Drive towards your house.

That's a good idea. Trudy, what were you saying? I'm just saying that, you know, Tucker made a lot of Trudies, and the previous Trudy wasn't less Trudy than I am Trudy. And so I'm wondering if Bibi is either a robot or, you know, I've seen some pretty silly things. What if she's a clone? Team true. Team, quick question. Are we stopping for stoplights now, or are all the rules?

No, no. Very well. The fucking streets are basically empty anyway. I blow through a red light. We own these streets. Can we ask? You don't roll for that, bro? Ones of getting in an accident.

Remember, there's a curfew. There's a curfew, dude. There's a curfew, though. Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, in a town with very few people, and also there is a curfew. The odds of being involved in fatal crime, two points, seven, six points. All right, if we roll three or lower, you're going to get T-boned by another. He's like we get advantage for that because, you know, it's quiet. Well, no, because that's the average statistic, which would factor in all situations.

Fair enough, fair enough. Oh, an 11. All right. Close call. Literally, close call. Team, maybe we should stop for red lights, sorry. No, no, it's only a 3% chance. You can be rolling that dice.

It's good. Forever, nothing will ever happen. So I have an idea with BB. Okay. I pulled off BB's gag. Oh, Francis, are you okay? Are you all right? Where are we?

I put the gag back on BB. This is not BB. She was nice to me I take the gag on I'll go I'll go to the radio watch watch Condor 1

yeah what This is Francis Okay How you doing What's going on Francis That's Bebe Oh

That's a pretty good That's pretty good You have discerned Who the real BB is Guys don't have the fucking call Well I just feel like We're She is so hard to understand

She is so hard So she can talk I suppose But I think even if We are pretty sure which one is the good or the bad. I think there's a danger in removing one from the... Trudy, you need to fucking cool it with these... With these...

She could be both. Both of them could be good. I can barely comprehend that one is evil and one is good. And now you're telling me there are third options. That's fucking crazy, Trudy. Maybe they're different dimensions. I'm sorry, Blake. I didn't mean to...

I had a headache. It's like you were playing fucking tiny height laser ice or something. Trudy, his outburst had nothing to do with you. Okay, Blake's having problems. Okay. Well, I will remove the guy out there. Trudy, look, I'm sorry. It's been a really crazy day.

I'm sorry if I was, I was a little happy to see Francis. I'm not proud of it. And now that he's being a big jerk about it, I don't, I don't care. Uh-huh. Let's just park and let her out on the corridor. We don't have to, like, do stuff violent to her. That's fair. I don't want her around.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, but you guys, you understand what you just walked into, right? What do you know? No. What do you know? Look, this is how the grandma. I was skulking around. I was digging through the bushes. I was jumping in ditches.

I was hiding under cars. And I was looking around. And where were you before that? That's what I've been doing while you guys were gone. I've been pounding the pavement. I've been looking for clues. I've been trying to figure out what the bison's are up to. And I think I did.

And were you around Timmy while you were doing that? You have Timmy? Timmy's here? So this goes back further than we thought. This goes all the way to the top. Look, don't you wonder what's going on with this van? Okay. Tell us from your perspective.

As far as I can figure it, this is what I've learned. red light Oh no BB wasn't wearing a seatbelt I know she flew through the window The bison I know she's got tentacles Coming out of her nose

The bison's are desperate To find a seed candidate So that they can raise Zuzel And fight whatever's going on out there I'm just to say we knew that And push her out of the car So their plan is look Here's what I learned

The seed candidate has to have Three qualities They have to have a great wound Carry a strange burden And they have to win A mighty battle So they've been putting this list together. Remember I got this list. They put this list

together of people that qualify for the first two categories and they're dragging them all together and they're going to throw them all into this horrible battle royal against each other. And whoever the last one is left standing and last one left alive, that's going to be their candidate because they'll have just won this great victory. And it's going down tonight at Bison H.Q.

So it's like a super fight. If we believe that this is the real Bibi, it is a super fight, yes. But also a way to solve that would be to stop the car and let all these people out. That's true. How would that solve anything? Because now they can't collect them These are the seat candidates? This isn't all the seed candidates.

Some of them. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. There would be less seat candidates there. But here's what you're just up to top of town. Okay. Then nobody knows that this van has been taken, right?

Yeah. Well. What do you mean? Well, what did. But they don't know what happened. Yeah. But they don't know what happened. Okay.

I'm sure they think it was something normal and cool. Well, I don't know. But look, all I'm saying is you have an, we have an opportunity here to sneak into whatever's going on and stop it. Okay. Wait a minute. B.B. You said less candidates.

real BB would know the end. The word is fewer. Throw her out of the car. Nobody's throwing BB out of the car. We're not just throwing a child out of the car, okay? Even if this may be a bad evil BB or maybe a good one or maybe a neutral one, like Trudy baby. How do you know the other BB?

What happened with the other BB? We don't know yet. Where did you meet this other BB? She showed up when we got here. Where did we find her? At Dr. Dogs? What was she doing at Dr. Dogs? She was doing BB stuff too.

She was just scrounging around looking for stuff. She had the key. And she gave it to us, which is not something the Bisons would do. Which is not something the Bisons would do. How do you know that key is? Where's the key? How do you know what's real? I don't know where it is. Yeah, we don't know if we have the three keys or not. You just said you have it. How do you not worry about it?

I didn't say I have it. I said she had it. We are not 100% certain about you, Bibi. Okay. Can you try to fly the brakes and we will. All I'm saying is it seems pretty suspicious that this other Bibi was just there with she could be leading you into a trap or something like that. That's all I'm saying. I mean, she was doing the stuff that we asked her to do and she showed up at Dr.

dogs, which was a good place where the... She also had no suggestions for a future course of action, unlike you. Wait a minute. Here's a question. She was with Timmy. Team. Yes. Question. Why would the Bisons tie and gag up a fake BB? For exactly the reason

that we think. Yes, but they're not expecting to be beaten ass by us. Are you sure? Do you think that they parked it for the express purposes of getting ass beat? Maybe for express purposes of like luring us in. No, that's true. This seems, although there would have been more people to ambush us if that were the case, so maybe

not. I'm just worried that if there is a nefarious BB out there, she's with my son. So when you say that you hear the radio come on again, you hear... It's Condor 1. Hi, I know you said to just wait, but I'm just like a little freaked out what's going on over there. Condor 1? What the fuck? What happened to radio discipline? Condor 1, put Timmy on, please.

Okay, cool kid, robot mom wants to talk to you. Hello? Hey, mom, what's up? Wait, I don't think we should be on here. Like, this is an open channel. Well, then we will speak in code. Yes. 1-1-0-1-0-0-0-1-1-0-1-0-1. Mom, I'm non-binary.

You don't know anything about it. Wow! Wow! Fucking wow! I just want to say thank you for trusting me with that information, Tim. Okay, well, what's going on? And are you safe? No, because we're,

Running around and crazy stuff's going on. But, you know, I'm tough and I can fucking handle myself. So I'm pretty much safe wherever I go. Treatie. I hate to tell you this, but if they can double Beebe, they can also double Timmy's voice. And Timmy. What is the name of your dog? Why don't we pick up Timmy and Biddy?

Yes. That way at least everybody's together. Oh, my God. And we'll put them on the jar and shake it up and whoever comes out is the good one. And also, it would be good to discuss because Bibi Islander is taking you at face value, stopping this fight's good. But we may also have a third way. I think finding my brother, John... Did she doesn't even know the details?

Finding... You found John? God, no. You found John? You found your brother? No, I said finding, which would imply I haven't found, and he's always in my heart. But it sounds like you found it. It sounds like he was in your heart.

But it's been so long since I've seen him that sometimes I can't remember... Look, look, all I'm saying is, we don't even know if there actually is a fucking big roundup of people fighting each other and stuff. That might not even be true. Condor to stand by. Where are you coming to pick you up? But where are they? Condor 1. and Timmy.

Oh, sorry. I forgot the code. Let's just, okay. Where are you? We're coming to get you. We were just coming over to find you guys. Where are you? Where are you right now?

We'll come and get you. We're at McDonald's, okay? We got hungry. No, that's... They're probably still making those burgers we ordered forever ago. Yeah, they were just sitting out. They got really cold. All right, get three...

No, 14 happy meals and we'll be there. Okay. Can you pay for it? Uh-huh. Yeah. Wait, 14 happy meals? There's seven people here. Or 14.

They make happy meals for teens. No, there's four, no. teen happy meal yeah that's what I thought you just saved a billion dollar corporation every bag has a free hand job 14 get a big pet and a handjob

could you imagine the dogs did that dude you get a fucking vaping a handgunn't to make me come it also a handjob meal today is a staying in kind of night I'm loving it okay we'll be right there there's 11 people in this vehicle that are all hungry

wow it sounds crowded in there Tell you what, gives you a whole... Let's just say, whatever you are going to order, order two. Tell you what, gives a whole new meaning to the word grimace shake. Ew. Ew. So we just put the gag back on the BB. We'll figure this out in a moment.

Okay. Blake is that okay? Can we on the way to your bunker or whatever? Can we stop by McDonald's again to me and BB? I have McDonald's at home, but... What? Does bunker have a McDonald's? Yes, undergris.

ground. I have an entire McDonald's franchise and I just kept I built it, but I don't have the people to run it. So we should stop at this McDonald's okay. No one's saying shit till you get to McDonald's, right? No, we're being quiet, but we run three red lights. Roll them, baby. Roll them. I think it's a fair number.

63. Nice. Smooth sailing. 56. Nobody's good. We're getting closer there, baby. Fifty-six twice. Whoa. You went through the same. You went in a circle. I know. Oh, man.

89 are smooth I don't know why we ever stop for these yeah I don't know three percent

of this time I don't know if this is the lesson we should be taking from this situation is not a lesson it's just an

observation I am observing that it's super cool around red lights all the time all right you roll up to the McDonald's the lights

are off it's closed because of the town curfew wait a minute BB lied to us there's old raccoons

eating through a big old stale bag of burgers. They don't have teen happy meals. They're not getting a hand job. Wait, one of those raccoons might be.

What does a raccoon sound like when it's getting a hand job? That's how it sounds. I thought what I was in here right now. I sound like, bu, bu, Bha,

Bha, Bha. And then you see like a little glint in the bushes, like someone's signaling you with a little cool signal mirror. Put your hands up unless you're giving someone a handjob.

In which case, keep going. Like, don't be a take about it. Finish. You see four hands come up and Timmy and Bibi emerge from the bushes. Okay. Hop in. Hop in? Yeah.

Okay. Where's the food? This really crowded back here. Should we let some of these people go? Do we need the rest of these people here? No, we got to keep everybody. It's dangerous. Have you released it behind the gags of everybody?

I think it's probably okay. I turn everybody's like, sorry, I didn't mean to speak for you. If you would like to go, you're free to leave, except for you, Bibi. And Milton, you should probably stay with us. Everybody else, you're free to go. Or if you want to stay with us, you can stay with us. you can stay with us. Oh, I think,

so hi, my name is, I don't care who you are. You can just go or stay. Yeah, you shut the fuck up. I'm Tom Fitzwaltz, and I think we should all stay

because if this little girl is a doppelganger, then maybe one of us is evil, too. You never know. They could have put more. And why should you stay? Because with that, oh, hey, I'm on your side. I don't,

I don't caught into these bison fellows, and I think we should stop them. Oh, this guy's right. Everybody, you're staying and your gag now. Oh, right. Oh, right. This guy brought this idea up. You all could have left,

If you don't like it, there's you to blame. That's too risky. Tom's like, and that everyone is glaring at Tom. We have towels and bars of soap in the back if you need to, you know, what? Full metal jacket him. Oh, God.

Francis. Those are socks, Francis. No, they're all, everybody's gagged, except for now we, I got gie-gee-gee-ggy. We un-gabazzed. We don't-gat. Evil, Bebe, okay. It's like, head to your bunker, and then we'll solve this. Condor one, B-Bee, enters, oh, oh, no.

I should have known you guys would have brought me fucking, why did I think this wasn't going to happen? Condor 1, Bibi, steps into the back of the van and goes like, all right, what's the big, what the hell? And right as she says that, tied up, Bibi, he's like, what the hell? And they're like, hey, what are you, but you're me? But how are you doing?

What are you, but you're me? And they just both clare at each other. It's like, okay, okay, okay, okay, stop saying okay, stop saying okay. No, you stop saying, okay. And then Condor 1, Bibi's like, no, no, let him cook. We don't need to be involved in this. Can I speak to you all outside for a moment?

No, let's do it. You can speak to half of us. I think anything you can say to that, Bibi, you can say it in front of the Bibi with everyone. Anything you could say out loud, you can say to yourself. I will just say this to the group. Bibi, you are the greatest detective this world has ever known. So, like, how did this happen?

Whoever figures it out survives. Yeah, the very least we're getting the better detective. And there's no reason to be coy about anything because we... Condo 1Bee is like, I have a way to prove that I, without a doubt, I'm the real Bibi. You should do it that. What do you feel about that other Bibi? I'd like to see or try because I'm the real BB so it's going to be impossible.

Very strong not real BB energy coming from this one. Condor 1 BB is like, look, in my many adventures, in my many ratings of many pulp comic books, I've prepared for such an eventuality as this, a doppelganger situation. Here's what I can offer you. Such a regular BB thing to say. Kind of, yeah, honestly, yeah.

In my tree house at home, I have in a little cubby, in a corner, in a little knotted gnarle of a tree. In a little secret spot, I have written down a 23-digit number that I have committed to memory. Jesus fucking Christ. And I know what that number is. So if you go retrieve that number, I can recite it from the top of my head and prove to you that I am the real BB. Because only the real BB would know that.

Yeah, but this could be a trap to get another tree. Exactly. Hello. This is obviously a trap, guys. Francis, you're not buying this, are you? I'm pretty sure you're not really BB because you were nice to me. That's what I'm going with. Other BB, where is your 23-digit number?

I don't have one because that's crazy. What are you talking about? If I was a fake BB and I knew that there was a chance there would be a doppelganger situation like this, I would plan something weird somewhere that I could say only I know this. Bibi has parents, right? Most people tend to. Yeah. I mean, like a live. Oh, okay.

Yeah, they're alive. Yeah. Oh, no, don't call my parents. Condor 1, BB says, don't call my parents. Don't call my parents. That's either real. They're so steamed if they know I'm out. They told them that I was like, I have an elaborate setup in my room to make them think I'm sleeping.

Both of you say what you think something. only your parents would know. Again, we don't know anything about the parents. There's no control in these experiments. No, I don't. But if we call, unless they have a doppelganger parent, we'll call the mom or dad and ask them the question and see what they say. Okay.

And theoretically, only the real baby would know something from like when, give me something that happened when you're like six years old that only your parents would know. Something that would happen when only I was six years old. Your parents would remember. Okay. And whisper that to me, the keeper of secrets. Yes. Whisper it to Blake.

Whisper it to Blake. Yes. So the two BBs can't hear. Both BBs are going to whisper one at a time into Freddie's ear. Yeah. For that, I need the rest of you to leave the room. Oh, but then I'm going to have Blake tell us what they said anyways. Yeah, I know.

Okay. He's going to do some fucked up shit. Clearly. When we come back and Freddy's dead, Will killed Freddie. No, guys, leave the room. They want you to leave, leave. All right. Matt, beat it.

You want a full leaving. You want a full leave of the room. All right. Will is. What? You want the full leave of the room. Oh, oh. Will's already taken off his bell.

I can't even hear what you were saying. I can't even hear what you're saying. Yeah, well, I'll come out and get you guys. Okay, Freddie. Now, we change clothes. And then when they come back, I'm sitting where you sit. Okay, here's what happens. First, the BB that is standing up.

The BB from outside. Yes. The BB that we sent on the mission. Yes. And it's coming back. The BB that you sent on the mission is coming back. She whispers in your ear. She says, okay, like, I've never told this to anybody before.

but I actually think there are a lot of things about communism to make sense and that's what scares me the most about it and I asked my parents for my sixth birthday for the collected writings of Antonio Gromsey

who's the Italian Marxist philosopher he's just he's got a lot of really great ideas and I think they make sense over here BB and then the other tell anybody what you have told me the other BB whispers in your ear and I am going to need you Interior BB. Interior BB whispers in your

exterior BB and interior BB interior BB Interior BB you whispers in your ear, and I'm going to need you to make a pow roll. Well, I think I know which one's a fucking big one. 42. That's a super success. Super success. What's your POW score? 84. Okay. Her pow is an 80. I'm going to have her roll. Okay. So, uh, you win the power roll. Nice. But I'm going to tell you what happens. Oh, no. She whispers in your ear, you are under my command. You will tell them that I said the exact same thing that the

other Beebe just said to you. And now... Bibi, don't tell anybody what you just told me. But I won the power roll, so what does that mean here? So that means you don't fall for it. Okay, I don't fall for it. So normally you would be under her thrall and you would say that. Okay, okay.

But now you have not. So now we have nodded and I said, Bibi, do not tell anybody what you told me. We can bring everybody back in. All right, come back. Talk about world. It's true. All right, we're back. Okay, so you see two BBs whisper in Blake's ear.

Okay. First, the outside BB, exterior BB, as we've been calling her. Yeah. Whispers in his ear and then interior BB whispers in his ear. Blake, what do you do? I think we were calling Condor 1. Yeah, Condor 1. We were just doing that.

Condor 1 is tied up. Oh, okay. I just knew what's going to make the other. Condor 1 is the one from outside. Yeah, yeah. And then tied up BB. Tight up and tied up Bibi. And tied up Bibi.

Yeah. Let's do that because they're all inside. I think that's, you guys, that's a fun thing you guys came up with, but it's confusing. of us. Conor Wals of the 10,000 people listening. Conor Wend had tied up Bibi. Okay.

Okay, Blake, what they say? I have heard now from both Bebys. Yeah, we heard you laugh really hard. Yeah, okay, you can just tell us what they said now. Condor 1 said something unspeakable, and I will not be repeating. What? You have to tell us. And I will not be repeating for her own sake.

Thank you. Do we think that Blake is like the worst person to get this mess? Yeah, but I don't know why we did that. Blake, you just have to tell us what it is because we have to call the mom. Or you call the mom? No, we're not going to let him just call the mom. I'll call the mom. I'm happy to call other...

I'm already distressing Blake now. So in a second, we're about to gag Blake. And Interior Beebe, attempted to mind control me! Well, that saves us a call. Tied up BB did that. Tide up BB. Okay. Interior Bibi.

No, it's Tideabee, Boon. You hear the stretching of flesh behind you. Oh, I guess we can't. You hear twisting and cracking and bones expanding. I still think it was Condor 1. Let's teach the contrary And when you look to whence was Bebe, you see the face of

Kamon Juan, Francis's mother. On October 17th I'm an angel, see the wings? Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune starring Seth Rogen, Aziz Ansari, and Keanu Reeves, critics rave, needs haven't sent. Don't you have a budget, guardian angel?

Kind of. You were very unhelpful. Good fortune. by Aziz, I'm sorry. She has a wild glean in her eyes. It seems like she's seen some shit since the last time you saw her. Her eyes sort of have like a sort of mysterious purple glow to them. She has this half wild smile on her face as she looks at you, Francis.

And instead of her regular clothes, she's wearing like this leather robe. But as you look at it, you realize it's stitched together out of human skin. Oh, no. That's what this is. Center, yeah, like that's snuggy. In his pockets. And center hanging on the chest of this stitched-together skin robe, you see the face of your father.

Stretched out in this sort of skin poncho that your mother is wearing. Oisturize me. She looks at you guys and says, well, it was worth a try, I guess. Exterior, BB, I always believed in you. She's tied up still. She's tied up still, A. B, I was probably looking at her the whole time because I, from the get-go thought that she was the bad one.

And so I'm going to, you know, obviously try to throw her out and get the dad's help. She'll see who will help. We just like, I bigger up by both hands. So he just want to put a mama from the train. He's not chuck her out the back of the vehicle. Yeah. As you're looking at her as well, you hear more wriggling and shifting and stretching. And you realize that all of the people in here other than Milton, and I guess Shane, who you saw get on the bus, they're all part of her.

Like, they're all one monstrous thing sitting in the bus. Man. Like this was all one big body morphing spell. That's cool. And so these, all these people that have been tied up and stretched. Like your good buddy Tom Fitzwallis that wanted to stay in the... Our best friend. Wanted everybody to stay in the van.

So he sort of like morphs back into like a sort of fucked up flesh tentacle. And she's sitting there pretty firmly planted down on the ground. Some shit is about to go down. But yes, Francis, because you were onto her from the jump, you have a one round surprise action on her. Although I think everybody should have to give me a sanity role. Oh, yeah. I like sanity. That makes sense.

I feel like we can also easily change our plan. I don't think we're throwing her out. I think we're just jumping out. Yeah, I think we should jump out. That's why I wanted to finish my description. I passed. my sanity roll. I fail my sanity rule. I fail. Okay.

Wait, I haven't seen what I've done yet. Don't you care if I've been saved? Don't you care? 97. Oh. Wait, is that good or bad? That's bad. That's very bad. Exceedingly bad. Okay, everybody failed except for Freddie. All right, we're going to call...

I've seen this sort of flesh monster before. It makes sense because Blake's in the front. Everyone throw me a 1D6 Santa T. Santa T. Santity? Santa T. Not me, though. Santa Man of T. Not you, Blakeford. fucking dude

like crushed it dude there we go one yes okay good that means you don't transpose to another dimension man nice clutched it three three okay

what'd you get six oh dear Trudy give me an intelligence role you ought to fail this one what's a 61 and my intelligence is fuck 80

why he's so smart You're smart. All right, we will say that, roll me another 1D6. Okay, dokey. Six. Okay. For the next six rounds, you have no idea who is real or who is a doppelganger or who is part of this thing or not. So you are completely paranoid.

Do not trust anybody. You don't trust your own son. You are absolutely terrified of what's going on with everybody in this situation. And you probably want to hightail it out of here. For six rounds. It's a long time. Long time. Four episodes.

Francis, we'll start with your surprise round. I think I'm going to scurry out of the car as best I can and just basically get my distance from the car at all the liver and speed. Push Bibi out on the way. I'm going to do that too. I mean, that's what I'm going to do when it's my turn. I feel like it doesn't make sense for me to grab somebody start moving because I have to use both hands to push myself so I can't really get anybody else.

But you just like tackle Bibi because Bibi is like at the door, right? Yeah, I suppose so. I could just shove myself back hard into Bibi and not care of that she's there and be like, We're going this way now. Okay, you can make a fighting brawl roll on Bibi to kick her out of the car if you want. But I will say if you decide to boot her out of the car, that means you will be at the edge of the car this turn instead of getting full clear of it. And just this is super on the same page geography wise. My thought is like it's like a paddy wagon, right?

Yes. So like BB was at the back of the paddy wagon with Milton who's sitting right next. With Milton's like in a real the thing situation right now where he's kind of you guys are not blocking the door. Yeah, we're not blocking the door like other BBs at the door. But they've got all of these sort of morphing body. bodies of the other people next to them, which are turning into, like, grabby technical things? Yes.

Where are all of us in relation to this? Well, you guys all clambered in there, so you're all in the middle. Yeah, we're all in the middle. We'll say there's enough wiggle room for you guys to shove through each other. Because I don't want to do like, well, technically, you're blocking whatever. You guys are free to move through each other's space. Yes. No clip is on.

But yes, you're all stuffed in there, and you're all one move action to clear out of there. Give me your fighting brawl. Which is now 78. Nice. Nice, dude. You body check Bibi out of the van and she lands in the ground with a stud. And I say, run! It is now.

We're at the top of the turn order. And Britannica, Blue, has an 80 dexterity. So she's going to go first. Wow. Fast little kid. She says, the hell I will. And she's going to draw her slingshot and take deadly aim at Cibon Juan. My opinions on Bibi's intelligence have taken a pretty precipitous nose dive. And she missed.

And we're all inside the car. Yeah, we're just trying to run out. Why am we just getting the front seat and punch? That's time we have to get out of the car, get into the front seat. But didn't I roll down the window? Didn't you hear me? I forgot that you went, ooh, ooh, ooh. Blake is in the front seat.

So what I see is I see a big fleshy thing. Yeah, you see Kamon Juan's head in a skin poncho made out of Francis's dad sort of draped over a thing like abomination that is spreading across. And you heard Kamenwine won't. And you guys are all outside. And you saw Francis jump out of the car. Okay. So you saw Francis knock BB out of the car. I'm still in the car.

We're still on the back of the car. But when it's my turn, my plan is to jump out of the car. the car. So you don't think I should just accelerate? Sure, that could help us get out of the car. She's sitting next to Milton and then her body essentially extends around the sides of the car where the six people were. Like she doesn't fuse with the car?

Every action movie where there's just people on a paddy wagon, all those people turn into one thing. So this is a big you of flesh and we are standing in the middle. Yeah. I don't know how to make it any similar Yeah, yeah, yeah. So if I accelerate Imagine this ready, you're at a Halloween party and it's like

at a normal house and you're dressed like a cowboy but I'm just like the person writing the dinosaur and I've got the inflatable like dinosaur on me so like you could probably go through a door frame no problem but like I might get caught up by that dinosaur yeah

exactly Army was hoping that would not come back to a metaphor about the game situation here's the first move I'm going to accelerate there's a knocked out guy in there you seem to hold the accelerator down we'll get there did you guys leave that guy in the car

I mean, we didn't explicitly say take him out, so I think it's up to us to decide if we took him out or not. I mean, we knocked him out in the car. Having him in the front allows me to use the carpool lane. All right, hold on. While we're running red lights. Good joke, good joke. I'm going to give him a Constitution roll.

How likely are you to get pulled? He definitely wakes up while this is happening. Okay, all right. Great. One more person to be upset that the car is going. Okay. So I'm going to accelerate hard. Hard.

Do I need to do a roll for that? No, just to stop on the gas? No. So what the goal here is to try and tumble out Any loose people, my pals. I mean, yeah, we're jumping out. I suppose since this is all happening in a split second, can I just, like, hold the rest of my turn to see what happens here?

Like, because I feel like there's probably some roles to see who stays in the car. All right, we'll do this. We'll accelerate. The van lurches forward. None of you are expecting this. Yeah. So everybody give me a dexterity saving throw. You want to fail.

You want to fail this one. No. No, because if you want to be thrown out of the van, yes, you do. Oh, I see, I see. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. So I failed and I might die. I might get flung out of the van.

It's so hard into your house. Critical fail. Okay. I love that. I barely failed. Okay. You failed. I passed with a six.

You pass with a six. You hang on tight. Yeah. Well, you're so freaked out. You have no idea what's going on. I think Trudy is actually kind of drawn to the flesh monster because she knows it's evil, right? But she's like, she's not sure about everybody else. and she, like, it's the devil she knows, rather.

So she stays. You got magnet feet. And magnet feet. And magnet feet. Oh, you got hover boots, too. So you don't probably get out without even taking damage. You got magnet feet and hoverboots. That's like,

I've got it all. Yeah. She's the woman who has everything. Yeah. You get a lot. Any trade. Oh, shit. I forgot Timmy's here too, right?

Yeah. Yeah. Did he fly out? There's a lot of people in one van. Yeah. So we'll say Timmy had not climbed. He was peering in to be like, what's going on? He's like, what's decapitated?

Yeah. We'll say B.B. Clonked into Timmy. Nice. Aw. Me cute. Milton could see it. He'd be very upset. Oh, Milton needs to make a next-dary roll. Milton got a 13, which is definitely a success.

Unless his deck score is terrible. I'm stuck you with Milton? Yes, you and Milton in there. Everyone's favorite characters in one car. This cannot go badly. We'll say that Milton's the only person you trust right now. Kelsey keeps leading over to Milton be like, tree's really pretty, right?

Every knows how pretty is that tree is? Hey, Trudey's looking pretty hot tonight. Please stop thinking about your aunt. There knows how nice Trudy is. Drew is a good cook, you know. You know, I bet you went to Drew's out and make you cookies. Do you know that Trudy could do everything? Milton passed his role.

So he also is like grabs the sides of the wall and stay still. Shane is going to make his dexterity role. And he biffs it as well. So Shane goes flying out of the van. He's going to also take 1D4 damage. So he's going to take. three damage to the face as he turfs it into the fucking ground.

Francis, you're thrown from the van. Give me a dexterity roll to see if you land well. I don't. Give me a 1D4 as you face plant into the dirt. And then Matt, with your 100, you are thrown. Kelsey went, woo! You just like, I take three damage. You ever see that insane Russian stunt video

where the guy's like lying straight into that bus, and he goes flying through the bus? Yeah. Oh, God. It's like one of those. You're just like, you look like that shot of Dwayne the Rock Johnson of this black Adam where he's like all this

ironic shot from the film Black Adam that's what I'm talking about I know exactly I think I was like the grape crushing lady who like falls over grape crushing lady yes you're yeated

full clear so you're gonna give me a disadvantage dexterity throw to stick this landing 39's the first one wait who did the rock tweet like had just died and it's like RIP it's a shame they won't be able to see

black out I got two 133 Okay, what's your decks? And my decks is 57. Wow. So I passed. Oh, so people understand it's like two 30 days. It's not one in a hundred chance because you only re-roll the tens number.

Yeah. So it's got three twice. You are hurtling straight towards something very painful. We'll say like a 1950s sculpture of Ronald McDonald. I don't know if Ronald was there. He's holding a dagger. He was a lot pointier back there. He was a little more.

No, it's like the original McDonald's guy. It was really angular. He's all angles. He's got that he's holding a thing of French fries and all the French fries are sticking out. Yes, you're hurtled straight for Ronald's fries, but then you manage to, like, stick the landing and, like, blade pose and you skid you a halt just in front of it.

We'll see, because you guys thrown so far, it'll take you two move actions to get back to the van. Francis, it's your turn. So I guess I'm just outside of the car now. I presumably next to who else fell out. Kelsey's a little ways off behind you. Kelsey was like that jet and transformer. Is that, like, cool. Starscream? That transformer that did that

flew over the kid's head? It's like that. You know that transformer that transformed? It's like that. Man, I have a love to move that much The Transformer who gave everything. Yeah, you're next to BB and Timmy on the ground. Great. Okay, so I'm going to look around for another car on the street,

maybe something that is hot-wireable. It's curfew. Everybody is presumably hiding at home. Not in the car. With their cars inside. Yeah, this car's on the street. Quality dunk. Well, you see two things.

You see an old jalopy on the side of the road with some old parking tickets in it, like one of those classic situations. And old Mr. Jalopi. As you are casting about, you also see a pickup truck around the corner that's chock full of bison's. And it is zooming towards you. And you remember that over the open bison radio, you told Bibi and Timmy to meet you at McDonald's. So it seems like that might be what's happening right now.

And they will be here in, let's say, three turns. So I look around for something better than the jalopy, but then I just turned to Bibi and I say, the garbage will do. And I say, do you know anything about how I'm wearing cars? We've got to get out of here in there. Oh, hold on, let me check my character sheet. And then I start inching my way over as best I can. Or, you know, I put up my arm. Hopefully, Beebe and or Milton will decide to, like, help me get up.

Yes, they. Timmy. Timmy, sorry, Timmy. Yes. Timmy and Beebe take you under their arms and you are now, we'll say you all move as one unit. So I can track less NPCs. Good. And on your next turn, you can make it to the car and try to hotwire it.

Fantastic. Kelsey, it's your turn. This pickup truck is driving down the road towards us. Yes, and we'll say the pickup truck's going to reach you in two turns. Okay. Where did I fall? Like, on like a lawn or something? You stopped an inch in front of the jagged.

It's like Mission Impossible, too, but with a fucking French fray right in front of your eye of Ronald McDonald's, you're like right out front of the McDonald's. Like right at the driveway entrance. Is there a hose? A hose? Like, you know, like a rolled hose, like a hose. A hose. Like, they got to clean the parking lot of McDonald's. Give me a luck roll.

Can I do a spot hidden roll? This is more of a lot because it wouldn't be hidden. This is just a question of, are you lucky enough that there's a hose right here? You don't have any luck. But what's if I don't want the hose there. It sounds like you do want a hose there. That's the problem, Matt, is you told me you wanted a hose there. I failed.

There's no hose. Okay. There's no hose. Is there any sort of string or rope? Yeah, you find some yarn. Is there like maybe a rubber cylindrical rope that you could pass water through? I mean, like, is there a chain around like a dumpster? Is there a...

Oh, you know what? The McDonald's has... Do you know, like, those little flag droopy pendant things? Oh, yeah. That you see... Yeah. It's got one of those. This guy basically got almost like garland, like, a long rope running along the rim of the roof.

that has those little flags dangling down from it. It's just like a little bit of festive decor. Yeah, I always call them like rope lights with flags. Rope lights with flags instead of lights. Can I reach it? I want you to tell me how many turns it would take and then I'll decide if this is worth doing. So this car is driving really fastest and people are unsafely at the back.

It was a hose. I want to stretch this thing across the road. I was going to use my turn to run because it's like you get 30 feet. I was going to run across the road and tie it to the other side of something. Okay. So that if they don't notice it, they will drive into it and preferably send four people without seatbelts flying off the truck or if they do see it they slow down and at least they had to stop and jump

out early okay i like that let's go with that i think that's fun i don't think that would work with a droopy flag thing because that would just blow through it like that's not that's fine if you put it high and they're in the back of the truck it'll cut their heads off yeah i put that's the height yeah yeah it's about stopping the car yeah it's about hitting them but it's still like no if it was a string of like flags at high speed with your neck that would hurt yeah if it's tied to the roof and then tied to like a telephone pole on their side like the string that old flags are like Even if it gave, like, it would hurt a lot. Yeah, it would knock you.

I mean, he would get knocked out. Like, if they were strong enough to hold flags on a rooftop and survive weather, they're probably like nylon or something. Like, that shit. Okay, yes, we'll say it's a nylon string. It's a tough nylon. And they built everything better back in the 1950s. I'll give it to you.

Dude, this is what nylon was fresh. Well, this is important. This is me as a friend's important to you. Don't run into any string. It won't give. Like, if you're driving a car and a string hit you. Like, you're fucking kind of eat shit. You'll flip out the car at the very least.

Instead of it being a nun, because I don't know why this, I buy this more. You'll like this, Matt. This one's for you. Okay. This is just, this is how we're going to fucking take this country back. Okay. Is that this fucking, you get thrown, you roll to a stop, you clonked your head on something. In the days, Kelsey, like, looks up, and she sees two things.

She sees this fucking pickup truck full of masked men with fucking clubs and who knows what started all towards her. And then she looks up even farther, and she sees the stars and stripes. Because she just bonked her head into a flagpole. There's a big old flag waving. Fucking true American. These colors don't run. And of course, you bet your ass, there's a fucking, they got a rope. A classic flag rope.

A classic flag rope. There we go. Yeah. And also the McDonald's flag is flying. It's the American flag and then the McDonald's flag. I salute the McDonald's flag. These colors don't run. I'm proud to be in McDonald's land where the ballpits all are free.

You know, they don't do this anymore? So I'm going to take, what do you call the little thing that you tie around at the bottom? Yeah, it's like, I guess it's the hitch. Yeah, the hitch. I'm going to, I'm going to undo it. And then I'm going to start running across the street with one end of the rope. Okay, sick.

Where are you going to? You're just going to cross the street to a telephone pole. Yeah, whatever is a telephone pole of a fence, whatever is the sturdiest thing I see. Okay, so you make it there. We'll say on your next turn, you can tie it together and fasten this thing. Yeah, and they'll be there and then we'll see what that happened. And you can give it one of those Bugs Bunny plucks. You know what I mean?

Yes. And he's like, bing, great. Hell yeah. It is Kimon Wahn's turn. Blake. So you're still in the front seat, right? You mashed on the accelerator, so you're gunning it for a full turn.

Kimone Wuan is going to try to fucking commandeer this vehicle from you, Freddie. So a big old tentacle is going to wrap around through that little U-U-U-U-W window that you failed to U-U back up. That was something you could have done on your turn. I didn't have time. And she's actually, you know what she's going to do?

She's not worried about you for a second. She's going to reach past you and grab the steering wheel with this tentacle. and whipsaw it around to turn the van towards this pile of everybody in the street. So she does that. The whole van sort of like swings in this wide arc. Trudy. Yes, they thought.

Uh-oh. What thought? Don't worry, Trudy. That's between us, Will. You'll find out when we want you to. Trudy, give me another dexterity throw. 48, I fail. So yes, you are also thrown clear from the van now.

So now it's just Milton in there with this tentacle monster and Blake as the thing lurches around. It's one more turn away, so it's two turns away from you, Francis, and she's barreling towards you now. Oh, great. We're going to get Eiffel towered by trucks. Oh, yeah, that's great. Yes, the two trucks are hurtling towards you guys in the middle. If we time this

just right. We time this just right. It's almost like two moving objects, and I put a line between them. Nice. Yeah, the devil's triangle is a drinking game. Desmond. I'm saying.

Real life? Yeah, just put that line down to go bounce right off it. It is now the poor dude who you knocked out's turn. He sees this tentacle wrapped around Blake steering this thing. And he's just going to jump out of the car. It's Milton's turn. Milton's pretty freaked out. He is going to run.

We're going to do a move action with a dexterity saving throw to get through the tangle of flesh and tentacles back here. And if he fails, he will fall down and eat shit in the van. And if he succeeds, he will clear the van as well. Oh. Wait, no. that's an 81. Yes, Milton turfs it in the van, basically tripping on this sort of like massive Kamonwan flesh that is now taking over the back of this fucking van and he eats shit and is still in the van. Okay, it is now Shane's turn. Shane is looking around at the fucking chaos and anxiety

and horror going on around him. I think he's probably having PTSD flashbacks to when a mysterious assailant blew his leg off and then a big shape-shifting monster took over the um boxing arena and he's like, oh no, not again, not again. He's just, going to skulk off into the underbrush and he is now out of combat because I don't want to deal with him frankly. That's DMing. Trudy, it's your turn. This is turn one. No, turn two

because you had a turn already or did you have a turn? I didn't have a turn already. Is this turn one of your paranoia? Of my madness. I think Trudy is going to, yeah, because the only person she trusts is Milton because like, well, who would want to make a double of him? That's great.

And so I think she trusts and wants to Save him. I think she's going to shoot the tires, aim for the tires and shoot them. Oh, wow. Okay, great. I love that. Which truck? Of the paddy wagon.

Okay, great. Give me a firearms roll. And it's an aimed shot, so we'll say that you're going to need to pass a hard roll to shoot to hit it. Okay. Because you're not just trying to shoot the van. You're trying to take a targeted shot. So that's like with disadvantage? Not with disadvantage.

You just need to get a super success. Okay. I got a 24. Let me look here. My firearms is 39. So I don't think that's quite it You could burn some luck on it if you wanted to God damn it

Trudy would burn some luck But Beth the player knows this probably isn't going to be helpful So I don't know about that Wait somebody do the math for me So you need 15 would be half 24 she needs a 17 Fuck You are at 14 luck right now

I know this is a tough call I am not going to burn my luck on this I'm going to fail Okay so Cablamo This big old fucking gun goes off But the bullet sort of bounces harmlessly in the dirt as you fire it off. We are now back at the top of the turn order.

Blake, it's your turn. Matt, you think what I'm thinking? Did you discord me? No. He was just relying on your psychic link. I want to see if he was thinking what you guys are thinking. Say the same thing at the same time. No, because we didn't want you to know.

Because maybe it's a trick. A trick. Maybe it's a rude. You play against us. I'll leave the room and you guys. No, no, it's fine. A lot of room leaving in this episode. Oh, that's not what I was thinking.

That's good. Oh, okay. Well, I was just going to be like, ah, tentacle creature. I will apply the break. Okay. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right, sure. Yeah, all right. So you stop on the break. You steer all you want. I will gently and firmly depress the brake pedal. Then that's all you're doing? Milton's still in here? Milton is in the back. So I can...

So I can get out. I'd be worried that I was the only one. Okay, so yeah, I want to just break and get out. I want to leave. All right, you will slow it down for a second and then you're going to jump out. Yes. We'll say that you bought yourself an extra turn by slowing it down. The jalopy's parked on the street that Timmy and, you know, Bibi and Francis are trying to rush into a hot wire.

That car is dead center between these two cars, both of which are two turns away from crashing into it. God, it's like a math problem, guys. I know, I don't like this. Just the mathiness. I like everything else. So two cars are driving towards each other. Two cars are driving towards each other down the streets in the middle.

Which is the rope. Is the rope? And this car that Francis is trying to hotwire to make a speedy escape. Blake, jump out, give me a dexterity roll. No problem. I've done this before. To super duper success. Flawless.

Okay, you stick the landing, and we'll call that your turn. As it's going, it's like it's slow down, just slide out the side in the seated position, and it's just the right amount to, like, absorb all the impact. I just go, shtch, hop. I don't quite understand what that means, but okay. Francis, it's your turn. All right, I don't have stats that are going to allow me to hotwire anything

with any degree of efficacy. see someone to say, Bebe, Timmy, can you hot wire this car? Or I guess, while I say that, I can also be searching, like, you know, doing the fucking movie TV thing, like looking for the keys and the fucking thing. Lock, roll, lock, roll. The keys could be in there. Well, I have one luck, so no. Throw the bones. Again, I have one luck, so I'm not going to pass. I know, but let me give you a number, and then you're going to see if you hit it. Oh. Yeah. 76.

You said 53? All right, no dice on the keys. Here's what we are going to do, though. Bibi has a 10 in electrical repair, which is what I think this would be, which is not to be great. However, we are now going to roll for Timmy's hot wiring skill. I swear to fucking God, Timmy. 87. Okay, so he's

a fucking whiz. Yeah, so Tim, so he has basically from his dad, I guess. The two of you are panicked trying to like fiddle around with this thing, and then Timmy pushes you. He fucking hits it like Fonzie. Well, he has to still roll. He has a skill. He still has to roll. Or I guess he could fumble. Because he's not binary, so we decided, right? That's true. As the two of you

are frantically trying to get this car started, we'll say it's unlocked. Timmy pushes past both with you and they say, stand aside. My dad taught me a thing or two about messing around with electronics. Timmy is going to roll. Oh, and 85. Whoa. So we're a second there. Timmy looks real fucking cool. And then they are not doing a good job and start sweating bullets. And then it is like a Fonzie Wax situation where like that last little bong on the hunk of junk rumbles it to life. And you now are in possession of a jalopy. And we will say that is your collective turn. All right, Kelsey, your turn. Yes. I'm going to tie that.

the rope. Sick. Check it. Wait, do you give it a Bugs Bunny, Wiley Coyote pluck to make sure

it's top? I don't want to give them any reason to because then they might see me like reach out and do a thing. I see it. Like it's dark.

I'm hoping they don't see the rope. They don't quite clock what you're doing. Yeah. I mean, because it's very dark. Like they just see me

run across. So like, you know, and I don't know what the headlight situation is or what, like, you know, how quickly they'll notice that there's a rope. You know, I think that person

should probably roll to see if they're paying it off on the telephone floor, right? So the last thing I'll say is just double check, the people in the back are they standing up like hooligans? Like, yeah, they're standing up, pounding the side of the side. Yeah, they're like, yeah, I don't even have to go on my tippy toes. The average height of a pickup truck

is like five feet, seven inches. Okay, great. So it's like I tie it to like six feet. Um, I love that. Then my movement is I'm going to run back into the middle of the street and then run away as if I'm scared of them. Like, so you're running towards the choppy. Okay, great. You better drive faster if you're going to catch this teach and they turn the cordion. You're just

like a sexy lady. it is Kamon Juan's turn again so she has now fully steering the car and zooming it towards you guys and seeing that everyone's going towards this jalopy is going to like sort of steer her aim to crash it so this will be at the end of the next turn she's going to be where the jalopy is we'll say

and let's see Milton's still in the back she knows that Milton's back there funnily enough so do we she doesn't really care about Milton though she doesn't really want to do funnly enough so I guess she doesn't care she's not really scared of him so she's not going to do anything So yeah, she's basically gunning straight for this fucking car And she's going to keep zooming towards it

Francis, you look in the rearview mirror And you see her actually, we'll say you're facing her Right, and you feel her voice reach out to you in your head She says, Francis, come with me And your friends can live Stay in the car and you're all going to die We'll do this one more time Do I feel like this thing is my mom actually?

It's not just taking on the visage of my mom? It sounds like her. Is there anything I can roll to like feel? Sure, psychology. Yeah, give me anything. My psychology is 90. Nice, dude. And I got a 45, so super success. It's your mother, for sure.

Okay. You can sense anger, but you sense love deep down in her voice as well. She says, Francis, I don't want to do this. Please get out of the car, and your friends will be okay. I will take you away. They don't have to die. But if you stay with them, I can't promise your safety. And my special boy power is I can see through the eyes of anyone that loves me.

Mind exchange, a post power role to trade minds with another person. Trade minds, dude. Trade minds. Well, it also takes an hour to cast it. Oh, well. Trade minds. If it didn't take an hour, I would do something really cool. Dang, dude.

I mean, Francis is going to be like, no? Like, to no one. He's just speaking to nobody. He goes, like, I know what you want me for. You want me to get all Prego for the end of the world and shit. And then everybody's going to die anyway. So no. I can save them from that.

I can protect them from that. That's what you sound like. Shut up. All right. Try to hit the, well, I can't actually hit the gas. I have one leg and it's a clutch car. So I'm like, baby, hit it. Okay, it is the guy who woke up unconscious from the thing who just fell out of the car.

He's just going to run away. This is too much for him. He's out of the combat. I'm not interested in him. Milton is still in the back and nobody's paying attention to him. I mean, I don't know. I put it that way. We're doing a lot of stuff.

I just mean that he's in the back and he's still in the car. She's not focused on him. She's not focused on him. Good position to be in all things. He hears, he cannot see, but we'll say that's similar to like you hear her voice, but he hears her speaking in real life. Milton's just going to run for it one more time. He's going to try to jump out.

Get how there, Milton. So he is going to just make a straight sprint for the back. We're going to once again give him a dexterity to see if he can make it out. Yes, he succeeds. He's got an 18. His dex is 30. All right, so he's able to run and sort of feel and stumble his way out of the back of this van. Oh, good, Milton.

You've made it. He jumps and we're going to give another dexterity saving throw to see if he gets hurt. And yes, he biffs it real hard. He's going to take one D4 of damage. He takes one damage as he smashes into the pavement and clutches at the ground. He's like, where are you, where are you guys? What's going on? Run towards the sound of the jalopy engine. He cocks his ear and pieces together the inmistakable sound of an old rust bucket ratlin, an old rattler.

And he's going to start motorboating somebody so I can turn on my jalopy. And he's going to stand up and start staggering towards it. Okay, Trudius, your turn. Remember, protect Milton at all costs. Yes. This is turn two. And Milton's running towards the... The jalopy.

Towards certain peril. I think I'm going to try to shoot the wheels out of the jalopy. Excellent. Give me a firearms roll. I succeed. Yes. But this has got to be a hard success, right? Yes, it's a hard success.

I also got a hard success. Oh, all right. We will say that you have blown out one of the four tires of this car. Got three left. Good luck, metal door. Huh? The match just said, he got three left in the same way that he said in season two. Good luck.

It's a metal door. All right. So, yes, one of the tires. And then Trudy's like, Milton, get away from that car. You can't trust them. No. That's our friends! Yes, but how many of our friends are there?

How many of me are there? I know there's one of you. There's always been one of you, but I don't know who else we can trust. Mr. Trott, you're kind of freaking me out right now. I'm freaking myself out right now, too. As you shoot the tire, Timmy looks at you from the window of the car. Harvey's like, Mom, what are you doing? Timmy, is it really you?

Of course it's me. I can't tell. Blake, it's your turning in. I exited to the car. The car spun around, drove away from me. I'm just in front of a McDonald's. Yes, you're just in front of a McDonald's. With a jalopy, and you see me running across the street,

and you see all that the rope was tied. These are all far away things for me. No, we're all in the same area. McDonald's is very close to where I fell out. We'll say that you are one turn. It's a McDonald's flag that I use, so you're like right at the rope. You're a full sprint away from getting to the jalopy.

There is a truck and the paddy wagon are both fixed into at the end of the next turn. Heading towards each other. Smash into this thing from either side. Yes, the rope. The rope. So two cars. about to hit your weird rope.

It's not, I mean, it's just a rope. Well, it's above the cars. It's going to take out the guys in the back. Yeah, they're going to go, or it's going to go, and then they're slowly. Oh, yeah. What am I going to do? Didn't you get a spell too? Didn't we all get spells?

Yeah, it's not helpful. This was his turn to me. Oh, you know, actually, Freddie, you still look like the fucking guy. Brian Stokes Mitchell. You do. Just for your information. Man, Bibi just rolled with it. Nice.

Oh, you're right. You're right. I've looked like Brian Stokes Mitchell this whole time. Yeah. I see the people in the truck, they're coming down. Because they think I'm Brian Stokes Mitchell. I'm going to point upwards frantically at the sky. And jump a little bit to hop up.

I'm like, look up there. So that all the guys are back going, huh? I mean, put their necks right up. This is classic Val Kimmer. Why did you guys have the TV on strategy? Yeah, yeah. Watch have the TV on. Give me a persuade role with advantage.

Per suede. I don't even need it. Five. Nice. Super success. All right. So all of the guys driving who were a. about to make out the telltale sign.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, hey, I want to see this happen. They're all about to make out the rope in the road, and then they all see you, and they're like, what is, what's all B. Stokes doing over there? What's B. Stokes doing out here? And then they all look up to where you're pointing on. What's he looking out there?

And there's one thing you know about B. Stokes. If he fucking points to this guy, you're going to be worth it out. Look. You look. He's, he can find those constellations. That guy is such a reliable look person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, yes, they're all distracted. I was going to give them a chance to do a spot hit and roll to see the rope,

but they are not going to see that fucking thing. Yes, dude. So much damage. Sick. Good job, Blake. Let's see the cars hit the rope. Cars hit the rope. We all hold our turn until the cars hit the rope.

Let the cars hit the rope. You're a Randall and makes the first gore video. Francis, it's your turn? This is going on. Ligley. So I'm going to tell Bibi, because again, I can't drive. You need both feet to do that. Just punch it and try to drive out of the path of that one.

And I say pointing at the car my mom is driving. Use the sidewalk if you have to. We'll say that Bibi knows how to drive. Why not? She's driven a little bit. She's a world legal. This is Nebraska. Kids are driving tractors and shit.

All right. He's like, you got a boss and she punches it. Why did I call you boss? That sucks. I don't know why you don't be boss either. I just like just felt like a, I know what the boss of me. but it feels like weird that that power I have, I don't want to have that power over you.

Okay, so she stumps it, the car lurches forward. It's not moving as fast as it otherwise would. The sort of popped tire clips the curb as it lurches up onto the grass and starts driving. Is the car lilting towards the center of the street or towards the curb?

I think it would be towards the center. Yeah, because Trudy's on the other side of it. So yes, it would lurch towards the center of the road. And she's trying to turn that way. Because she has to turn, otherwise she's going to hit your mom. Yeah, as I said turn out of the way of my mom. My mom is presumably in the center of the street,

so she would be turning against the lilt of the car to try to go up onto the curb, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bibi is going to gun it onto the fucking grass so that she can go against the bad tire and bounce up onto the grass. We are going to give her a drive roll to see if she does not,

because she's now going kind of off road to make sure that the vehicle does not get stuck when she launches onto the grass. And her drive is pretty lousy. Uh-oh. So she has a 20. She rolled a 27 She used her luck

Does she have luck? I don't think NPCs have luck I don't think if NPCs got to spend luck You guys would be in trouble I put it that way So I just don't figure her as an NPC Because you bring her to life so well

Oh boy Be that as a man after her Just bar the team back in it I am susceptible to flattery But not in this case Wait here's what we'll say You are now out of the path Of the two vehicles that are about to crash

But the bad tire is dug into the dirt A little bit Yeah, but not necessarily an irrecoverable situation. It is now... The cars hit the rope. The cars hit the rope. Let the cars hit the rope. Let the cars hit the rope.

There's not a rope there, two. There's definitely not a rope there three. Look up in the sky. Three, nothing on the road. I think I forgot to put the other car, the turn order, so we're going to have them go now. We're going to have them and come on and want to go now. The bison driving this revenge truck. Sees as well.

Like Steven Spielberg's duel. Where's revenge truck? Who do you think would win in a fight? Warhorse or Steven Spielberg's duel? Who would win War Horse or Revenge Truck? A revenge truck. Your jalopy, as it lurches out of the way, the guy driving the truck finally looks down from the sky

and sees that he's hurtling towards this runaway patty wagon. Is he that he's in for a head-on collision? So he is going to swerve. Here's how we're going to do this, Matthew. we are going to give all four guys in the back a dexterity saving throw to see if they're able to hold on. Do they get some sort of disbandage?

Everybody should get disadvantaged as Freddie made them look up. Otherwise, it would have just been the same. Okay, yeah, Matt, but here's what I'm going to say. You don't want them to fail this role. Because if they fall over, they're not going to get decapitated. Yes.

They'll still get hurt, but yes. They're going to make a dexterity role. If they succeed, their heads getting cut off. Nice. I see. I want them to succeed. Yes, you want them to succeed this role. So maybe pump your brain.

have nothing to do with probability. You're going to want to not fail this. Yeah. Okay. Can I give them advantage? Hold on, guys. Guy number one. Succeeds his role.

Nice. That's what we want. Oh, yes. She's dead. Now I was just doing phrase of whatever. Guy number two. Dead. Fails his role.

Boom. But he's got to roll how much he gets hurt when he falls out of the truck. And he's got a close line. He's got a hurt knowing that his friend got to cap. had like that kid from hereditary guy number three succeeds his role yes it sucks to be him guy number four

succeeds his role yes so don't lose your head over it as this truck lurches to the side the doofy one of them Gus Mcduf goes and he falls out and all three of his friends go god dang it Gus are such a dude and then as

that happens Gus from his vantage point now on the ground looks up and sees three bison heads pop like champagne quirks as they fly straight into this fucking trip wire. Gus his whole opinion of himself just took a new fucking 180.

As they just get sliced clean off and then three severed heads with bison masks laying on the ground and fucking is that the single deadliest action any one of us have taken? No, because actually this is the second episode in a row where three people have gotten killed in one move. Oh my God!

Yeah. So that's the good news. That's the good news. The bad news is that this truck is now hurtling towards Trudy. Okay. I've got a mechanic for this. You and I run toward each other in a game of chicken and whoever. They can get out.

Trudy, on your turn, I'm going to let you do a dexterity role. Okay. And if you fail it, you're getting hit by this truck. Okay. It is now Kamon Juan's turn. So she now sees that Francis has stalled out on the curb. She is going to turn the van. We're going to give her a drive roll to see if she gets stuck in the same dirt.

So my mom is a woman and Asian. So if she doesn't drive well, it's not going to look good for you. Ooh, she clutched it. She got a fucking 15, dude. That's right. Fuck against those stereotypes. Trudy, you're going to get one chance to not get hit by a car.

Francis, your team is going to get one turn to try to get out of this mud and accelerate to get out of the way of the rampaging paddy wagon that your mother is driving. Would we also have the same amount of time to just leave the car? Sure, yes, or do whatever.

Milton is going to use his turn to continue to clamber towards the sound of the jalopy. He will be at you guys next turn. Trudy, it is your turn. Let's see a dexterity roll. Before that, I'm not doing anything cool. I think that Trudy stares down at these headlights coming towards her, this electric pair of eyes matching her own electric pair of eyes,

and is still really stressed and scared about not only her friends, maybe being doppelgangers in disguise, but also herself and this ancestry of her consciousness being transformed into these different bodies. She doesn't know which Trudy is the real Trudy. and whether she can trust herself. But I think at the last minute, she looks in these, like, headlights, and she thinks, okay, no, it's whether or not

I'm the only Trudy, it is up to me right now. Okay. And so then I'm going to roll, dexterity, and I fail. Oh. Okay. No. This truck smashes into you.

This is the one coming on, what I'm driving? This is the one that the Bisons are driving. So as you stare down, you try to dive out of the way, but it's too late, and you meet metal to metal, bumper to body as this thing crashes into you with a sickening crash. Trudy, roll 2D10.

First one is a 10. Okay. How much HP do you have? I have 14, so now I have four. All right. And how much is instant death double, right? If a character suffers points of damage greater than or equal to their maximum hit points in a single blow, they die instantly.

Okay. So if you roll four, you die instantly. Yeah. Yeah. This is going to be hard. All right. Six. I'm dead.

Damn. Holy shit. Trudy! Oh, no. Trudy, fair is fair. I gave Freddy this option. If you would like to burn all of your luck and join the one luck club, I have something for this. Okay.

The one luck club. The sequel to the Joy Luck Club. Yes, I would like to burn all my luck. Okay. We go into super slow motion. You're throwing your body out of the way of this truck. And as it's hurtling towards you, the lights. getting brighter and brighter, the chrome getting closer and closer, you realize that you are not

going to make it, but your head is, your body goes under the wheels as you hear a sickening, wrenching crash, and your head pops off of your body, and your robot body explodes in a fiery wreck, as your head with your still conscious brain in it rolls to the side of the road. Mother, Mother, fear me. I am the broken sky. All I ever wanted was to feel me. So, all I ever wanted was to feel. ordinary in a world that lies twisted in my mind

and now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the star swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away I'll stay today Thanks so much for listening

And now it's time For a little peek behind the paywall Here's a little clip from the new Kingdom Dad Monster Which just came out this week Oh and then you should encourage Don't tell Beth what to do What to do, Matt She's like you a question to ask you for a favor

Yes Anything for you Matt Can you I think it'll be good for our team If you encourage Anthony's character I didn't hear a question in there I think it would be good Could you please do that for me?

That's not a question more of a comment really I'll take that into consideration In addition to that clip There's a very funny segment that we had Omar Romalino Along with a little help from Chandler Candela Do a little animation for Dungeons and Dads on TikTok and Instagram That's where you can see the animation

I encourage you heartily to check it out We're able to commission animations like that Thanks to our Patreon We're in exchange for five bucks a month You, listener, you there, listen that, you'll receive hours of extra bonus content and shows. That's Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Hey, but for real, though, this is Kingdom Dad Monster episode. It's pretty great. Check it out on the Patreon.

Dungeons and Days is Matt Arnold is Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Burch is Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May is Trudy Trout and myself. Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is A Hole in the Stars by Max and Waller. Anisa Omran is our content producer. Ashley Nicolette is our community manager.

Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther else is our lead editor. And Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino. Brian Fernandez provide additional editing. Our show, as you know, is supported by our Patreon, and our Patreon consists of cool people like Zeke Bartlett, Matthew Reyes, King Herder, Will Pots, Chris Wilkes,

Aaron Neer, Austin DeMay, Grace Fender, Douglas McNany, James Clingensmith, Annette DeSilva, I swear I'm not an elk. Christopher Chen, Alex Modos, Adam Nemo 42, Cody Hasselbring, Gabriel Sulca, Ginger, Megan LeMay, and Gilbert Lee. Support this show directly on Patreon at patreon.com such Dungeons and Dads, Merch and more at Dungeons and Dags.com. Made a YouTube video this last week.

Pretty wild feeling. That's at YouTube.com slash Rocket Shop. In our next episode, it's coming at you October 7th. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the star. Swallowing my dreams and making them scars. Too far, too far away that I stay today. All that I can see is a hole in the stars

Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away that I'll stay today Wait, are we sure this is the real come-o-war? On October 17th, I'm an angel, see the wings? Don't miss the new comedy Good Fortune, starring Seth Rogen, Aziz Ansari and Kiana Reeves Critics rave. It's heaven sent.

You have a budget, guardian angel? Kind of. You were very unhelpful. Good fortune, directed by Aziz Ansari.