Dungeons and Daddies - S3 Ep. 35 - The Head Sullivan Show

Episode Date: October 7, 2025

Must go faster, must go faster!This episode contains Profanity, Violence, Sexual Content, Drug/Alcohol Use.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Will Campos Kelsey Grammar is Matt Arnold Francis Farnsworth is Anthony BurchTrudy Trout is Beth May Blake Lively is Freddie Wong Theme song is “A Hole in the Stars” by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Nicollette is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorCindy Denton is our Merch ManagerEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandes provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddy's is a rowdy, horny, violent podcasts for grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Your kids will love McDonald's Teen Happy Meal. It's food and fun in a box. It's a hamburger or cheeseburger, regular-sized fries, a handjob, and a vape pen. It all comes in a teen happy meal box with games, puzzles, a poncho made out of your dad's skin, and a toy. A toy? It's a hamburger or cheeseburger, regular-sized fries, a hand-and-a-old. job, the severed head of your robotic housewife friend, and McNuggets that make you come. And I'm gonna...

Son, wait till we get home. Oh, fuck. I'm gonna... Ah, fuck, son! McDonald's. Nobody can do it like McDonald's game. Welcome to The Peachyville horror A Dungeons and Daddy's subtitle season three

Fuck, I'm fucking it up No, no, no, you're stupid Let me start again, let me start again Okay, okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies Not a BDSM podcast This season, a Peachyville podcast. That's right, welcome to the Peachyville

horror, horror. horror This is a podcast about four everyday schmows that are facing darkness in 1950s supernatural darkness in 1950s

America my name is Freddie Wong Hi Freddy And That's a pretty funny video That's a pretty funny video The video I just put up On my channel

Rocket Jump videos are back It's 18 minutes I actually watch the whole thing um beth did it no i beth didn't know it was on beth even though it was there

I love the part where you talked about rocket jump I love that too when I talked about rocket jump and how we're back baby now more than ever the subtitle was rocket jump now more than ever I'm gonna take that well you want to start with the facts I'll start with the facts my name is freddie Wong I play Blake lively

on this podcast the real Freddie Wong except no Southern Raw, unfiltered, uncut. That's how you can tell. That's how you can tell which one's the real Freddy one. Yeah, you drop trow. Do you guys ever see changeling? Yeah, that's fucking really good.

Yeah, that's how they, she's like, my son is circumcised. No, he's uncircumcised. Yeah, no, like he comes back. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can go into one direction. This one's one you can't control Z. You know what I'm saying? Look, if you listen to some of those, like, really intense, like, anti-circumcision people,

you can. like the machine, like the thing. How to you with John Wilson? Yeah. I don't want to get into the morality of circumstance. I'm just saying that it's worth it just in case to make sure, like you don't want to get in a changing situation. That's where I go when it comes to whether or not you showed you with your kid. Oh my gosh, you're right.

I mean, that's the reason not to because if you have to go on the run, don't do it. Don't do it. This week's Jason Bourne. I have smelly stuff under my foreskin. How come I know that? Why do I know that I have smushed magma than I normally would? Oh, Will. That's great. I'm so sorry.

What a thing to say. What a thing that I said. Yeah. I know, Will. I got that guy who's like, red bag, red bag, put it on the guy. He's like, uncircumcised jick, uncircumcised dick, put it on the ground. Harder to do parkour like that, by the way. Sorry, what?

Like that pole vaulter? Well, like, Jason Bourne's, like, invented basically doing parkour in movies. I don't understand what I'm having more skinned to do with it. Just wait. This is that scene where he's got to cut Franka Patente's hair, but he's like, I got to take care of this.

I got these scissors. I'm sorry. We have to talk about something else. My name is Freddy Wong. I play Blake lively on this podcast. This week's Blake Fax. Look at what they make you give. Look at what they make you give. Look at what they make you give.

As Clive Owen dies in a sun. Snowy field. Dude, that's crazy, dude. It's like the scene where the guy's like Born Circumcision. Dude, there's a guy in the corner with a thing over his head, but he doesn't have a gun.

He's got a pair of scissors. Can you pull the trigger? All right. This is Blake Fact. You know that move where you can like take a glass bottle something and like do the little eyeball thing and crack it open, you know?

With your eyeball? Oh, with the eye socket. Yeah, it's very intense. If you haven't been circumcised, you can do your skin. You might not know this, Beth, but you can kind of grip into suction. I didn't even know about the eyeball thing.

The suction, you got to do a kegel as hard as you've ever done. And twist. There's no muscles there? Maybe for you. The suction, Matt. The suction. The suction, the suction I get. Air pressure is pretty strong.

I've worked out my foreskin so you couldn't even cut if you tried. That's how you reverse a circumcision. It's a shame we put so much effort. to this thing that can't stay in the main episode of the podcast. Is that move? Invented by Blake during World War II.

He was in... Where was he? Tell me his story. Belgium. A snowy field in Belgium. And they didn't even have bottle openers? They didn't, but Blake was like, let me try something with my eye.

Didn't even have like a ledge with like a pointy part? I refuse to believe on a field with a lot of straight men, you couldn't find a bottle. opener. No, he said he did, but he wanted to try this anyways. Always having a bottle opener on you is something that straight men now do because we never went to war.

Yeah, exactly. That's like, this is like, this is the only way that men our age can prove our masculine virtue. I'm prepared. I'm a big strong man. Every time I'm a party and a hot guy pulls out a bottle over and I'm like, God damn it. Yep. So, Fray, he invented that.

He invented that move. But Anthony brings up a greater point, which is like, I have definitely thought in like my day to day, I can count on one hand the number of times this has happened, which is when you're out and someone's like, hey, you got a light. And I was like, how cool would it be? They'd just be like, Pa, Zippo lighter. I'd be like, the four times that's happened to me.

I'm like, that would have been good to have a Zippo Lider. Him inventing that is going to tie into my fact, unfortunately. Oh, no. Well, why don't you get home? Hi, everybody. My name's Matthew Arnold, and I play Kelsey Grammar. Beechaville's happiest and snappiest school marm. And you know what she always says.

Learning is like brushing your teeth. You skip a day and people probably won't notice. But if you never do it, everybody will know. That's really good. That's great. And they'll want to kiss you. Wow. dumb and stinky.

That's awesome. Because you're dumb and stinky. Yeah. And my fact, I didn't have a virgin who can't learn. I came over this fact before you side of your fact. No way. Which is just,

Kelsey is incredibly annoyed at herself for how attractive she finds Blakely. Oh, no. And that just adds to it. That's fair. Wow. Just got that, just really, you pop that bottle the first time with your eye?

Yes. I only bled. Why do you think he got that eye patch that he's had? I think he only has one eye. Yeah. My name's Anthony Birch and I play Francis Varnsworth, a kid who's doing his best. No, Anthony Burch, you play the steam deck.

Yeah, I play... Not right now. Not right now. Look, where my hands are. Look, you can see that the screen is dark. What the fuck am I talking about? I'm Francis Farnsworth. He's kid who's doing his best.

Today's Francis fact is that you can't decide between his four favorite movies. His four favorite movies are Reap the Wild Wind from 1942 because John Wayne dies fighting a giant squid in that movie. The Fighting C-Bs from 1944 because John Wayne dies

getting shot in the chest by a Japanese soldier heroically. Wake of the Red Witch from a 1948 in which he drowns after being trapped by debris while trying to heroically rescue something

and stands to Vueu Jima in 1949 in which John Wayne heroically dies in the conclusion of the film. Not really heroically, he's kind of just standing and he gets shot in the chest

and falls over but like it's sort of presented as a heroic sacrifice thing. Those are his four favorite but you can't decide which one's best. No. That's fair.

Okay. Sensing a theme here. Sounds like a theme. Sounds like I'm calling my shot. Sounds like what your kid tells you those are his four favorite movies for that reason, that's straight to the therapist. You're already halfway dialing that therapist's number.

Hi, my name is Beth May, and I play John Wayne. Hey, there, pilgrim. Don't call me Marion. I didn't go to World War II, and I got a big insecurity about it. No, I played Trudy Trout, a homemaker robot, mother of one beautiful child. A fact about Trudy today. I hope I haven't done it already is that Trudy

is actually a terrible dancer She just has no Algorithm So she has no body now too And now she has no body to dance with You can dance with just your face Yeah I think you can I think Trudy's gonna prove that

That sounds like a good Derulo song dude You can dance with just your face Yeah Dancing just your face To start her like a Bruton Mars could do that one You know what I mean? Yeah Put a little

Bruno beats under there You know what I'm talking about? It can be like an LCD sound system Like dance yourself face Instead of dance yourself clean It's too cool for me I don't know Okay I'm sorry

Every once of all you I upgrade it to O LED sound system I'm cool I'm Will Campos and I'm hot tonight I've got jokes for days Because I'm the guy that runs this podcast I'm the joke master and you're going to walk in all my scary jokes today.

My creepy fact about circumcision is that it was once advertised as a cure for paralysis. Sounds like someone was faking. During the late 1800s, many doctors thought circumcision would supposedly cure a variety of ailments from childhood fevers all the way of paralysis, including an 1870 case of a five-year-old boy who had knees that were flexed and paralyzed, a doctor discovered that his foreskin contracted, causing the young boy's considerable pain once the circumcision would get out, the boy was walking again in less than two weeks. Yeah, that guy was faking it to get out of school. I mean, that's, I mean, I think things they got out of school, but once I'm like, it's too late at that point. It's too late. Anthony. They bring you in and you just got to like, ah, just move your legs once of the

imagine. You miss school, why? Because you'll dick too tight. That's not going to happen. Talk about committing to the bit. You've committed your bit to the bit. I can't. I guess that part of it's done now. I would go through that. I would rather lose my tip than have to actually announce that I was lying. You don't lose the tip. Is that not? Wait, wait. You guys have a tip on the end of your day? Let's play Let's play fucking Kyle Cthaloole. When last we left this wayward group of erst

wild heroes and heroines, you are on your way through Peachtewville, which has been locked down by the bison cult as they prepare to summon Zuzel to fight the powers that be vis-a-vis the huge dick that's now fucking the Atlantic Ocean. Whereupon you saw a group of bison

loading Shane Silva Jr. into a van in which you saw a very scared Milton. You intervened. You saved Milton. However, you realized there was a second BB in the van. And then there was another BB that you would talk to earlier. That wasn't in the van.

You're like, two BBs. Well, that seems like we could do an episode about that. And so that was what last episode was when you guys were desperately trying to figure out which BB was the good BB, which BB was the evil BB. And it turned out, one of the van was the evil BB, who was actually like Francis's mom, who's had some sort of horrible fucked up thing happened to her or had did some horrible thing to herself whereupon she's now a spooky thing

style flush monster wearing the skin of her former husband, I guess of her current husband, draped over her I don't remember them being divorced. Pancho style this created a whole big problem for you guys, including a massive fight scene at a McDonald's. Last, we checked in with everybody. Here was the status of everyone.

Francis, Bibi, and Timmy had all piled into a jalopy that they were hot wiring and trying to use to escape from Kimon Wan, who had taken over the paddy wagon that she was inside of. Can I say something embarrassing? What is it jalopy?

It's just like an old Rust Bucket. Like a shitty car. Do you remember in the mask when they're like... I just always like nodded along the lower. Yeah. Do you remember the loner from the mask? Yeah. So it's like a generic term for shitty cars.

It's not like a specific car. No, there wasn't like a Ford Jalap. I thought there wasn't good thing. That'd be fun. Blake had dived out of the vehicle and was I think just reconnoitering. I can't remember what Blake specifically was doing. Freddy has been trying to work in Blake's cool bunker

full of plot breaking weapons in it. So Blake was probably trying to figure out what the closest way to get to the parker was. We were driving there. Yeah, we were just flooring it through red lights. Kelsey had just rigged up a tripwire to decapitate three members of this bison cult that were speeding towards them in another car.

Milton was in the road following Trudy who had just gotten run over by said car. And by spending all of her luck, Beth May has saved the life of Trout at the dire cost of now she is a severed talking robot head. Will, I'm electing to play the body, not the head.

And just to also clarify, where were we going? Before, like, I get the two, we were heading towards Blake's. No, no, no, no, shit. I get the two halves. We were heading towards Project Heartland in order to use the keys to stop. Because my brother, we think my brother is the third way. Yes. It is a third way.

Yes, your brother is found. I will say, my priorities have now changed. Your brother told you that he had a third way to save Pichieville that did not involve sacrificing the town or destroying the universe. So essentially to stop the dick without using Zuzel. Yes. And we just don't know what that is because you don't have told us yet because that's just the way older brothers are.

They don't do everything. Okay. Great. So the last thing that happened was that Trudy got plowed by this car. Trudy got run over. Oh, me. Oh, wow. And that's when if you're a substitute teacher, you just leave for the day.

Just go on. You lost the class. Oh, God. Oh, shit. This is a robot, well, you know that. You can't say that. It could happen. So we're not that kind of the podcast.

The last thing that happened was that a car plowed into Trudy. The word does not always mean cars can plow into things and that's not sexual. Especially robots, am I right? Ran over. They can plow into things, yeah, but plowing things is very different. Oh, my God. There's only two contexts, Will, it's farming. I regret everything I've ever said or ever done in my entire life.

The last thing that happened was that Trudy was run over by a truck. Oh, God. How's Kronenbergian. So yes, her head has popped off like a champagne cork and there's like sparking bits sort of shooting out of her where her neck used to be. And she's rolled over onto the side of the road. The truck full of Bisons has sped off past her. We'll see what they're going to do next. The Bisons, most of them got knocked down, right?

Two of them got decapitated, one of them fell on his ass and two more driving this truck. Cool. Oh, and yes, you're still disguised as bison leader, Brian Strikes Mitchell. Yes. Blake, it is your turn. Who's the bison that looks like the most kind of out of it right now? I would see the guy on the ground is probably a little daze. He got wanged by the...

He didn't hit. He fell out of the truck and then his friends got. Yeah. Oh, his friends got out of his friend got whanged. So he got wanged off. Blake, very conveniently, hasn't seen what happened to Trudy. He's so mission focused, you see. So he's going to run right up to the guy who got wanked.

banged off and just stomp his head into the ground. Oh, my God. Okay. Good thing I'm in disguise for this. So mission focus. I see a head I got to stop on it. Can you imagine Ethan not using the face thing? And is you stomping a guy's head in?

They'll never know. Now let me, let me make some arguments for that. We're going to try to put some fucking English on this before you. Well, yeah, because it's like the guy fell out of a moving car. He has no idea what's going on. And then his good friend is showing up. We're going to say he fell on his head. I'm going to give him a constitution saving throat to see if he got.

a concussion. And if he has a concussion, I'm going to give you a chance to do this with advantage. So he flubbed his roll pretty bad. So yes, he is dazed. Here's what I was like, you do not have to make a attack roll. Just roll your damage. You get a free hit on this guy. I will do. You're like David Beckham getting a free kick at the end of the game. That's for you, Matt. Soccer. One D3. At the end of the game. Like tradition. Plus my damage bonus, which is 4D4. Holy shit. Four damage. So yes, he is dazed and then he goes, bam, your foot. finds purchased right on his jaw and some teeth go spitting out

we'll give him one more Constitution saving throw which he passed so he does not go unconscious but he looks I'm lucky for you he's confused and enraged and a little hurt by what you've done emotionally he's like you get the sense that this guy and Brian the real Brian were like friends

and he's like he looks into Blake's eyes and he sees nothing but just fucking dead soul that he's not even that he could understand that's true the truth there is how there's nothing behind those eyes It's like what a Gumba sees when Mario stops. Yeah, exactly. Nothing.

For you, it was the worst day of your life. For me, it was the best day of my life. Pretty fucked up when you think about it. Pretty crazy when you think about it. It is now Francis's turn. So, Francis, oh, you're in the car. I think we said BB was driving. We did, yes.

What does Francis want to do to help the situation? I think last we decided you guys got stuck in the mud. We were stuck in the mud, and my mom is just driving straight at us. Yes. Oh, yeah, she's going to hit you guys next turn. That's right. Well, first of all, I guess I want to, out of curiosity, see if I can tell whether this thing has airbags or not.

Do those exist? B.B.B.'s like, wait, say that again. I don't think air... When were airbags invented? Seat belts were optional, right? Airbags were invented in the 1950s with the first patent by John W. Hedrick in 1953. They were too slow to be effective.

Because those two guys going... Yes, he's a guy blowing up a balloon. The innovation of the chemical explosive system by Yasusaburo Kobori in the 1960s was in the 1960s. Okay, well, with Drive Auto, Beebe is just going to try to get the F out of here, if I may be so bold. Okay. Wait, did you just call yourself Beebe? Well, I said you can roll for BB. Oh.

Do you, as Francis, want to do anything to help the situation? Must go faster. Must go faster. Must go faster. I unbuttoned my shirt. Give me an education roll. Yes. I, uh, regular. Succeed, I do not super succeed. Well, in that case, you know that the best way to get a car and stuck from mud is to try rocking

the car gently back and forth by shifting between reverse and drive to build momentum. If you want to, you could tell that to Bibi, who's busy's pounding the gas for all fucking dear life possible. Bebe, edge it. Edge of the car. Okay, what does that mean? I just grab the stick and start helping this.

Drive? Reverse. Drive. Reverse. Just keep your foot on the gas. You got it. Bibi is going to get a drive roll with advantage. So she has a 20 drive, but she rolled in 18. So yes, with you helping jerk the car off, the car rocks back and forth and then is able to lurch out of the mud

and speed off. And on the next turn, Camon Juan will regain control of her car right after it is narrowly missed in a collision with you guys. It's Matthew's turn. Kelsey? Yes. I'm not actually. Matthew's not here right now.

Matthew's long gone. Okay, so I am on the other side of the street because I did the rope. Yes, you did the road. I'm going to just run to Trudy. You know what's wild is I feel like you see two heads pop off and then you look over and you see a third head. And it's Trudy's head.

Trudy! I'm going to run to Trudy's head. Kelsey. Oh my God. Oh, okay. Wow, that's great. You're so talking. I didn't know I was allowed to. So I just did it.

Isn't that bad? Of course you're allowed to talk. You're still here. Oh, I'm so happy. Okay. Let's get you out of the road. Okay. Do you mind if I pick you up and take you?

Oh, yes. You have my consent to pick up. Okay. I'm going to pick you up. Okay. Okay, you're here. You're here. That's good. That's good. We need to get out of here. We'll say you have one more action you can do. At present, the Bisonmobile is speeding off and has not turned around yet. And you also see Kamon Wan driving the van with her tentacle pans. And she's just narrowly missed this jolopy that the three kids are in, which is now puttering around.

That's what you see at this moment. Okay, actually, I'm going to run to the jala. Okay. I'm going to bring us to the jalape, okay? Okay. Just next time, give me a heads up. Oh, Trudy. You're so brave. as well. Yeah, you're thinking it really well. Yeah, I think I am. Yeah, you know, Francis open the door. I got Trudy. Or part, I got Trudy. What? I got Trudy. Is that a whole thing? So yes, as you hold Trudy's head up, Timmy in the back just goes wide-eyed in horror. He's like, what? She's okay. She's totally okay. What? Eyes, close your eyes. No, no, Truddy, talk to your son. Oh, Timmy, hi. Oh, my God.

This is so scary. No, it's cool if you keep me close. I pick up the body as soon as I'm dragging the body. I'm dragging the body with one arm and I'm holding her hand with the other and running to the jalopy. Open the door. Well, Kelsey, you're really staking your neck out for me. Where's Milton?

Milton is in the middle of the road. Oh, he's not in the jalopy? No, he's not in the jarlai. He fell out, yes. Oh, Belton, I'm sorry, my hands are full. Run! You're a boy. You got two legs.

Run. Which way? Into the jalopy, right? I don't have eyes. I don't have eyes, Kelsey. Okay, I'm going to run to him. Hold on to Trudon to Trudy's on your voice. He got ears, don't he.

Hold on to Trudy's body. What? Like her other leg or her arms. So you're running to Milton now. Yeah. All right. Let's slow down. Are you running?

I'm just like in the middle of the road. There's too many things to do. Help. I don't want to be a rag dog corpse. Clagging around. Okay. We'll say you're at the middle of the road. At the end of your next turn, you'll be at the car, depending on where the car goes.

Okay. It is now Kamon Juan's turn. She's going to pursue the car. She's overshot it. So she's going to do a drive. maneuver to try to like Tokyo Drift this thing around in the fucking... She's gonna roll for that?

Yeah, she is gonna roll for that. Go on make sure. This sounds a pretty tough movement. I've never heard of a drive before. Same. She literally did a drive. She's driving this entire entire time. Well, just now, but I remember

thinking the first episode it was like, she's capable of the Tokyo Drifted. We'll call this a hard maneuver is what we'll say. So she's going to have to get a super success. Honey, what I'm about to do next is what I call a hard maneuver. So she got a 98.

So she wrenches the vehicle around It's a fumble It's a fumble, yeah And the wheels falls off Note the car fucking straight-up roll It's like it popper Boom boom boom boom boom

And just crashes into the ground Upside down And burst in the forms This massive wreck in front of the McDonald's You did it So you know you can do this fucking There's a little sign It's like coming soon

Drive through And then she drives through the sign Love it Will Char broiled Berger Fire think they'll have that on the tour Decaptation fries

Big dick fucking the earth shake Okay it is now Blake Blake is Oh Blake's not Blake's turn Why would it be your turn again Blake Blake Blake Blake

Blake Blake It's a test And Beth is the best of us She did not succumb to any peer pressure She's a fucking hero I see you I'm immune to my shot. Okay, next is the bison's who

were driving the car, and they are also going to turn around. They're like, oh, no, they're getting away. Don't turn around too hard. So, yes, and also seeing what just happened to come on while, they're like, whoa, easy. Three point turn. And so they are going to do... That delays their turn. That delays it. Three point turn takes a while.

Well, maybe they're not going to do that. Go ahead. Let's see. Let's see. They're on the pavement. They're not on dirt like she was. So they're going to get a normal drive roll to loop the car back around. They're not trying to do as outrageous of maneuver. They're trying to turn a paddy wagon on the night. They're trying to do like a normal illegal

you turn in Los Angeles. And you're like, hey, that shouldn't even be... Come on. Come on. This should be illegal? Yeah, this should be illegal. How about what I'm supposed to do? Drive five more minutes? I'm not made of time. Why don't we have lanes? Yeah. I don't know if I go to why don't you have lanes.

The government shouldn't be able to tell me anything. That's totally one of those drivers who's like everyone else is a bad driver than me. No one in L.A. knows how to drive. gets pulled over. He's like, I'm a sovereign citizen. The two guys driving the truck. We'll call him Anthony and Matt. One one's got a big fat hog and it's Matt.

Wait, wait, no. One's got a big fat hog, the other one's got a long, thin hog. One of them only tells the truth and one of them only tells lies. Can I see what your feels like? Beth. No, is Anthony and Matt? I thought she was going to voice Anthony. Yeah, right. Why not? Let's choose

in this exact moment to do that. I'd be curious about it for some time. I thought you were carrying like an inflated, like a kibasa in your legs. I know if your nickname's true. My nickname, yeah. They call you, babe. They call you Wilbur?

They call you some pig. All right, so they do that. Slim Jim. So I think they got a roll for disadvantage if they're turning while doing this. Yeah, because they're exploring each other's bodies. All right, fine. Get edge the car when you're edging your bro.

All right. Damn. Well, they got a 33 and a 13. So that despite, I think, jerking each other off made them better at this. You know what? I'm really rooting for Matt and Anthony. Yeah.

Yeah, they're probably making it out of the ears, dude. Matt's got one hand on the wheel and the other hand on Anthony. Just rashed around. Anthony using both of his hands because he can. Well, Anthony did one hand first. You're the only one hand first. You're the only one who said, I've enjoyed this whole coat.

You know, I only want it. I don't even know the name of those three guys in the back. I have no idea. Everyone's just sort of a vague blur except for you in my life. Oh. So was that Matt the bison with the big hog? You want to go back to my place? Yeah.

I don't know what we're doing this. Hey, everybody's at home. We could just go to the movie theater and fuck there. So Anthony pulls on the handbrake and they drive to the nearest cinema. They were turning back for the fight, but then they decide to go back to Matt's place. So they do a, they do a, they do do a very dangerous turn. Now that's bad. That's rule for a dangerous turn.

turn and see what happened. And if they die, you're all the phone. Just to walk through. They were going to run the guys over and then Matt asked Anthony if he could touch his penis and then they were like, oh, let's try this out. And then they both have very explicit nickname. So I felt like now was about time to see. This is the best opportunity they're going to have.

Yeah. Nobody else was looking at the three judge you got from the backer, no longer an issue. It's tough to get alone time when you're in a cult. I know, right? Well, finally. So while they're rubbing each other's bits, they did a cool drift maneuver and The power of their love made it work really well so well that they decided, hey, let's just go back to Matt's place and clean up all the Warhammer figures that are fucking lying around everywhere.

I got so much to show you. I know they're not lying around. I know they're in a case to get really pristinely. You talk to me about it all the time. So you've decided to continue your trip. I've been doing my own Warhammer Army. Why was I to talk with you about? Never name.

You named the NPCs us. That's on you. And then you said Warhammer. What did you expect? All right. So they did fail their next role. and they come plowing through the McDonnell and they come plowing through the McDonald's

Oh Oh Oh no So yes Unfortunately But like one person survives And they're like I gotta tell their stories

So yes The truck flips through the air And lands on his hood And bursts in the plane So give them one turn to escape Those two boys They look so happy Matt and Anthony

I will write them into the English Matt my hands are melting onto your dish Aw. It's like the two Vesuvius lovers. That's funny. Holy shit. Oh, shit. We'll deal with them next turn.

It is now the bison on the ground's turn. He gets up. Watching them crying. He's like, what the fuck happened? What? What? The bison on the ground gets up. And he's like, I didn't hear no bill.

And he's going to fucking take. take a shot at Blake Lively. He seemed double, though, so roll 1G2 to see what you're aiming at, dude. He's got such a funny voice. He's Swedish. A fellow Nordic. That's just what it sounds like what he has to have a full

conversation and fake Swedish. So he takes a swing at you, Freddie, and misses. Oh, actually, wait, do you want to fight back or do you, I shouldn't have fucking Zinty misses? Oh, yeah, just fight back so hard. We're going to re-roll. Do you want to fight back, Dodge, or I'll dodge it. Okay.

Ooh. Super duper success. Okay. He failed his role, so you effortlessly dodge Will's clumsy attempt to punch you in the face. And he staggers forward and is like, uh, uh, uh, uh. Will is canonically really sleepy because he has a newborn at home. So we just didn't get a lot of sleep then last night. Don't let that increase your sympathy.

Yeah. Show no mercy. He chose to do that. Is it Blake's turn? Is it Blake's turn? Is it Blake's turn? Like, Blake's turn? Hey, hold on.

Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake. It's Milton's turn. Everybody get ready for Milton's turn. What's your Milton going to do now? Milton's going to run to Kelsey and hold up to her hand. I'm saying Milton, Milton, Milton, Kelsey, Kelsey. No, no, you need to be quiet so you can hear me. Milton, Milton, Milton.

Oh, that's good. We'll give him a hearing roll to see if he can find your voice. If not, Trudy could probably do some special echo locations. sound, yeah. Wow, wah, wah, she's open, like, waw. Yeah, it's just a plastic sound. He got a 11, so he's quite used to locking in on the soundtrack place. Yeah, he knows.

And he runs to you and grabs your hand. And now you've got Milton, the robot body of Trudy and her head. Nice. Yes. I feel like every season eventually Matt picks up all the characters and moves them somewhere. I'm going to play a really small person next time, I think. So I can't pick big people. It is.

Trudy's turn. Oh, I forgot. You were still paranoid. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah. No, that's my bad. We'll say that you had one turn of like, it felt like Kelsey was on your side, but now you're like, wait a second. But Milton's the one person you care about. Yeah. Milton? Yeah. What's right? What's up? What's up, Trudy? Give me out of here. Oh, my God. You're ahead. I don't want to be here anymore. Oh, okay. Um, uh, look, we're safe. We're with, we're with Kelsey. It's everything's going to be okay. Give me away. Give me away. Would you like to bite Kelsey? Yeah, I think I will. She's got a try. What muscles is she using to move her head around? She's got little servos in there. She's got like,

we'll say that like you could jaw and like, you know, okay, hold on. Yeah, where am I be headed? Here or here, here, here? I feel like you got a little neck. Yeah, I think I got some neck action. You're like a bust. You got little motors in there.

You can wiggle around a little bit. So we'll say you can wiggle free to bite her in the arm. Do I get like a pose? Yes, you do. Give me a fighting brawl to bite Kelsey. Yeah, I do a super duper success. Oh, wow. Okay.

Oh, yeah, normal success. Great. With a super duper success, you bite into Kelsey. Ow! So give me, what's your damage for an unarmed strike? Brawl is 1D3 plus damage bonus. Give me the 1D3, but let's not do the damage bonus because that's more for like punching someone. This is just a bite.

So we'll give me a 1D3 roll to bite Kelsey. That's a two. Okay, so that's a tooth. Kelsey, when Trudy bites you, you feel these teeth dig in on your side. and then you also feel a zap of electricity, of course. So give me a Constitution saving throw, and if you fail this, you are going to drop Trudy. I got 90.

Oh, it's a fail. Yes, it's a fail. Oh, yes. Okay, so yeah, so zap, like, yeah, there's like a big spark. It's like you were walking on a wool carpet. I mean, I'm surprised. I dropped Trudy! Trudy's now following onto the ground.

And, yeah, we'll say Milton gets zapped too. Oh, I mean, good. Milton got an 11, so he passed with fine colors. He's like, I'm good. Not the first time I've been shocked, I guess. I don't know what that means Trudy slams onto the ground It is now

Blake Blake Blake's turn So Blake is going to go to this guy Who we've established as also a Nordic He's going to grab from Yes, Will the Nordic New Father Bison with the baby at home Blake holds him close and he pulls his knife out

And he goes You will meet your son in Valhalla Oh my God He stabs the shit out of him All right give me a fighting brawl Slick slick slick slick flick I like that Blake didn't know he had a son. Fighting brawl.

Some dads, you just know. He just know. I'll spend three luck to get a regular success. Okay. So I'm down to seven luck. He really want to kill this guy. He's going to fight back. Oh, he got a failure.

You got an 82. All right. Dang, because the knife, as we've established, is pretty fucking hardcore. Five damage. Ooh. He ain't going to be in season four. And he took four damage already.

And then whatever this damage was from falling off the car. He's going to take a Constitution saving throw Or whatever it's called in this game Which he fails So this knife sinks into his chest He's saving private Ryan He looks up at you and says Take care of my boys

And then he passes out Wait don't kill them though That's not what I meant by take care And he's now unconscious And if he is not getting medical attention he will die Well he's dead I guess we know what's happening to him And then Blake stands posed

victorious with a bloody knife in his hand. The flames of the McDonald's rising up into the night sky behind him. And for the first time, you see the true, fearsome warrior that Blake lively is and has always been a guy who kicks people when they're down. You've also got like night people. But now I'm silhouetted in the night sky. That's true. Kelsey can't help him.

It is friends. So I'm going to tell BB, turn around, turn around, turn around. You've got to pick them up. an attempt to turn around and go back in whoever is closest to us be that Blake or Milton and Kelsey. Everyone's mashing the used button. Yeah, exactly. As the car goes by. Do we have to rush anymore? The bad guys are all blown up. You skid the car to a halt. We'll just say sort of centered. You've got Blake on one side. You've got Kelsey with her retinue on the other. You see Shane Silva Jr. like poke his head out from the bushes where he was hiding. He's like,

wait for me. He starts limping over to you guys. And as you are doing that, everyone's closing in. So we'll say everyone is one turn away from piling into the. the jalopy, and then you hear a rumbling coming from the truck that's burning. The Camon Juan truck, I'm assuming. And then you see your mother burst out from the back of the truck. Just a tangling, twisting pile of limbs and skin and hair and teeth with your father's skin poncho flapping in the wind. Her hair's kind of like on fire.

She's a little fucked up, but she's still like fucking hanging in there. I turned to see me and I go, women. Whoa! What does that mean? I don't know. I should make a line. My fucking mom's on fire.

She's going to kill us. I know, but you didn't have to take it there. That sucks. What's your problem, man? Jesus. I should really reexamined my biases after we kill my mom. Yeah, dude.

Fucking, let's let me hit you to some Betty Ferdin, man. Come on. That was another book that Kelsey read from my front of outside. The feminine mystique. But we dick and that. The two genders. The two genders.

If Trudy was like, I'm out. Trudy wasn't going to teach you that in homeschool. She comes out. She's fucked up. So the car sort of careened, we'll say, another space away. So she staggers out and she locks eyes with you, Francis. And this look of determination comes over her. And she just starts crawling towards the car.

It's like a rhinoceros charging. It's like this big, monstrous thing just studding towards you. So she will be where the car is at the end of the next turn. Are we in between her? the car? Or is the car between us and her? I feel like the car is between you guys and her. Because she drove past. Okay. Yes. But if anyone doesn't get picked up, it'll be...

Yeah, the car drove away, then she would just be running at us. Yeah. It's Matt and Anthony's turn. Okay, so... Wait, they're dead. No, they get a chance to survive. They're in an on-fire car. They're pinned underneath. Which of us hasn't been in an on-fire car before? Come on. We have a chance. Matt and Anthony, what do you do? So Anthony's definitely going to try to push Matt out of the driver's scene. Tell my story. No, no, you tell my story. You tell my story.

You have so much more to live for than you have so much to live for. You have a family. Guys, get out of the car. It's burning. No, no. You're blocking the exits. I'm pushing him out first. Living without you is no life at all.

I guess we could stay here. We could just chill. Please, I have a family. I don't know what Anthony wants to do, but Matt is holding on to him as tight as possible. Okay, apparently Beth is in the back seat. Oh, yeah, there was a fourth. Beth the bison is in the backseat and wants to get out. What is Beth?

Tell our story. You tell our story. We're both pushing you out. Tell our story. Okay. Well, I need to tell my story, you know? I just feel like there's not a lot of, like, I don't see. Oh, we always hear your story.

Your stories are so bad. I know, but I just like, I just feel like in the 50s, I'm just not well represented right now. I tell your story and then our story. All right. The car explodes and you all die. No. No. No.

we wanted to happen. And then Francis, she said, I'm going to tell their story. Who dies? So they're out of the turn order. Thank fucking God. Nice job, Matt. We managed to kill two fucking NBCs with no effort whatsoever. It didn't have to roll single dice.

The bison on the ground is unconscious. So yes. We'll ever name it NBC after us. We can make sure that way. Oh, so yes, here's the situation we find ourselves in. Kelsey, we'll say that at the end of your turn, you will be at the car. Okay. And then can get in.

You're holding Milton's hand. Tree's falling onto the ground. Milton's going to do a listening role to see if he heard that Trudy fell out of your hands and so he failed his listen role so he does not know that Trudy has hit the ground

so he's holding on to you Kelsey he's basically going to just delay his turn until you are done with your turn so he's going to go right after you now and Trudy it is your turn so you've just landed on the ground you are in turn four of six for your paranoia

I think Trudy's just like stay away, stay away from me don't anybody come near me I'll bite give me an intimidation role You want to fail this one. I do fail it, yeah. Okay, yeah.

You say that, and Milton, who is the one MPC I have control of, here's that, but because you failed your intimidation role, he realizes that you're in trouble and you're in danger and then you're not quite in your right mind, so he's going to try to pick you up on his next turn. Blake, it's your turn. Blake, stab the guy. I haven't gone yet.

Did we miss your turn? Yeah, you're confused because Matt and Anthony had a turn. Oh, God, damn it. Fuck. I am confused. My bad, I apologize, Matt. No, it's okay. It's my fault for having fun with Anthony doing that.

thing. Yeah, it's our fault. We'll never have fun again. Kelsey, this is your turn. You got shocked. You've recovered your control of your body, but she's now screaming at you to stay away. Francis opened the door. Yeah, that's my plan.

Okay, so here's what I want. This is what I want. You could get to Francis's car this turn. Or you can run back and get Trudy this turn. I want to make it so that I wouldn't get there in one turn. I would drag Milton, but as I'm running, I'm going to stop to kick like Beckham. You're a big Beckham fan, I understand. I was going to kick Trudy's head into the car.

Now, are you going to succeed like someone who's not leads? Hey, hey. I'm a fan of leads, too. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry, Lee. We just did a free kick. We got a stack, baby. I don't know.

Dirty leads. I bet they cheated to get that free kick. What's happening? I'm going to kick. I wanted to see if I could kick. Boot Trudy into the door. Not into the door, into the open door. Because I'm scared to pick her up because she's biting.

She's a bite her. So it's like, yeah. It's like if you saw like a raccoon like with. rabies like trying to run out your dog or you or something you kick it away you're dragging the body you have milton in one hand no it's always milton was holding on it was holding on to your dress or something like that so you've got the body a dragging one hand then you've got one free hand and then you've got trudy on the ground and knowing that trudy is paranoid and is going to bite if i try to pick her up i'm going to kick her into the car love that for you so yes give me a dexterity roll to kick trudy are

you kicking her hard why because i have like zero hit points oh i don't think this is this isn't be a damage thing I'm not damaging or my kick. Unless it goes really bad. It doesn't bad. Don't worry. I know because you were talking about all I won't. The initial kick will not do damage. Depending on where you land, there could be damage in your future.

Okay. I got an eight. What? Which is a super duper success. Okay. Paint me the picture, man. So just like leads. Just like stack.

Just like our new player. What's his name? What's his full name? This man kicked a good. ball today. You know, just go to the ad break. Just go. Anton Stack.

Like, Anton Stack, free kicking against wolves. Fucking tied up one, one, one, one, free kick from about 40 feet out. I just kick. 40 feet. No. I mean, what? His kick was a wood fun.

Against the Wolverhampton Wanderers. And, yes. Anyways, this thing just goes straight. It doesn't just fly in at full speed. Like, you think it's going too fast. And then as it approaches the door, you realize it was a delicate touch and just lands right in Timmy's lap. Like it goes,

Oh, God. It has a lot of backspin on it. Timmy screams at seeing his mother's head laying in his lap. Trudy screams at being somewhere where there's a person. Well done. And me and Milton are going to die because we're out here. Tell my story, Trudy. So much storytelling going on this episode.

Blake. Blake. Blake. Blake. It's your turn. Blake gets in the car. Sick. God damn. I love Blake. Do you want to do it all?

cool? He did. He did. That was the coolest way you can do it. He just did it. All right. Blake gets in the car. Francis, it is your turn. Your mother is thundering down the road towards you right now. What would happen if I tried to drive up to Kelsey and Milton? They're away from your mother. So if you guys lurch towards them, you'll be at them and they can get in on their next turn. I'll do that then. The, uh, yeah. Looking for a downside? I am looking for a downside. Yeah, because that doesn't, I mean, I guess that makes sense, right? You gun it. The car's a fucking and then we'll just be in a phone, and we'll chase. So, yes, describe what you do.

I follow the arc of Trudy's head being kicked into our car and go, whoa, what was that? And then I see Trudy's headless body and Kelsey and Francis is deeply confused and also just trying to ignore his mom and dealing with a lot. But he just goes, and he points at them to Beebe, implying, please go drive over to them. And BB, I would assume, gets it. Okay, great, yes. And BB's going to spin the wheel around and gun it towards them. Yeah. Camone Juan is going to undaunted pursue you guys in like the T-Rex chasing that fucking

Jeep. More legs and limbs are sprouting from this tangle of flesh that is her body. It's thundering after you now. I spear it away. She's like one of the demons in Prince Spontanokey. Kind of just like Kelsey with Milton, right?

The car speeds up to you. You've got the body. We'll say that BB clocks that you've got this extra piece of sort of metal cargo with you so she pops the trunk. Nice. And skids to a halt right in front of you and says, need a ride? Need a ride? You need to go? Do you need to go somewhere?

No, yeah, that's okay. Okay, let me Hurry, because those are she's got her. I just throw Trudy's body into the trunk and I just dive in also to save time. Oh, into the trunk? Yeah. Okay, and then Milton just sort of bumbles

into the trunk with you. Okay, we're just sitting. We're just sitting, we're just sitting in the back. Like, we're looking backwards, like those old cars. Yeah, kids get that all the time back then. Oh, with the trunk open? No, and those cars that had the seats facing backwards.

You remember? You ever have those station wagons? Yeah. They had seats that were backwards. Like the old hallboards? Yeah, but I'm going to. trunk. But you're in the trunk. But it's like that. It's like that. Which actually means that

anybody in the car won't be able to look into the rear view. Oh, that's true. Yes. That's very fun. Okay, so yes, you guys jump in. Beebe Burns Rubber. Camone Juan gives monster chase and we are now in a monster versus car car car chast. It's like the

mean streets of Peachy Girl. The jalopy speeds off down the road and we now find ourselves in a sick, spooky street chase through the streets of Peachyville. I wanted to establish a couple things right away, which is I did a lot of thinking about... Some soul searching. I've done some soul searching about what manner of jalopy this is, and I would like you all to Google the Kaiser Fraser Vagabond, which is the very first hatchback car.

No. Oh my God. Yeah, V-A-G-A-B-O-N-D. Kaiser Permanente What, Sozze? The Kaiser Fraser Vagabond. The Kaiser Permanente Fraser Soze Vagabond. It's like a classic looking car.

Well, it's cool about it is that the backseat folds down. The hatchback trunk pops up. So I figured this was the best way to give you guys the ability to like move freely about the cabin. This is built for the original car camping. Are you seeing the picture of the horse in the back? Sorry, what? I'm sorry, what? There's a picture of a house.

Yeah, check out images. Just search Kaiser Fraser Vagabon images. I'm like. That's a small. Yeah, they were lying about the size of the average horse with that image. I just thought it was a cool car. I wanted to talk about cool cars. It is the default 1950s car that's in my brain when I think 1950s car.

But it has a trunk that opens up really big. Oh, the way. This trunk goes all the way down. This car has the biggest trunk cussie I've ever seen. Like, it is cavernous. I literally, I said, man, you got a big trunk. Man, you got a big trunk. She said, why should you say it twice?

I said, I didn't. Oh, God. Oh my goodness All right back to the spooky chasing guys Come on focus You guys are burning rubber down the road I'm gonna put some little fucking doodads out Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa this hasn't been a doodads

Podcast 90% of the way into this podcast And here come the doodads Will is just man like dungeons and do dendatures This is like when my nephew wants me to play with them Where he's like okay this is you and this is me This is my stuffed animal And this is this army guy So you're playing like a strategy game

Like an RTS. No, we're playing pretend, but we, like, what? Well, this is you. Does he just, what are you? I'm always like the bad guy. So you're the evil, yeah. So basically, we're going to do this in Class of Colica through the rules. There's a certain number of, like, generic locations between you and the person who's pursuing you right now.

Come on, Juan, there's two locations behind you because you burned rubber. You've made it out of the McDonald's. You can spend a move action. I guess, actually right now, BB can spend a move action to drive the car. And she can go one location or. or she can floor it and go up to three locations, we'll say, but with a risk, should you come up to any, um, fucking obstacles or anything like that, you're going to be a disadvantage for fucking pacing around them.

And she would be rolling driving? Driving. Okay, hold on, real quick. Can you remind me what her driving is because I'm in control of it? Oh, yeah, we should toss her out of the car. Everyone, real quick. I'm sorry, toss her into the back seat of the car. All right, real quick.

What's everyone's drive model? I got like 75. You have 75. I have 20. I have 20. I have 10. Or at least I used to. Now you have five.

You have to grip on it with your teeth. and hope gravity does the rest. No, she does R2D2 stuff. We have not established that she can do R2D2 stuff. No, she's got those little cables dangling down below. Like, I feel like you can just like hot. Trudy, there's a fire in the back.

Can you lock it down? I don't know, R2D2 stuff. If you stick Trudy's head up out of the sunroof, she can be like R2D2 on the air swing. Yeah, hey, babe, babe, you want to go, you want to go to my car and do R2D2 stuff? Boodle, little, riddle. Guys,

Ah, too, stop confusing power Terminals and computer sockets or whatever. R2 shut down all the glory holes on the detention level. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. What do you think is R2 speak for stepbrother? I think that was it.

Ew, meir. All right, all right, all right. So, yes, you guys are zooming down the road. I would like to try to switch spots with Bibi. Bibi, okay, Bibi is currently flooring it down the car. Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! You're doing great, Bibi! What? Oh, here's Let me take over. Let me take over. How am I going to do that without fucking

breaking the car? Very simple, and then I just lift from the back seat and then Kelsey can just scoot on in. Yeah, I'll just jump in. Biddy just don't turn the steering wheel when he lifts you up. Okay, okay. So the car will slow down for a tiny bit. Here's what we're going to do. Give me a dexterity roll because you're all the way in the back. Yes, but Blake is the one grabbing her. Blake is the one grabbing her, but you've got to climb all the way from the back

into the front seat without fucking anything up or wrecking the car. Yeah, yeah. But looking at, wait, wait, but looking at the car you picked. Yeah, but there's like 16 people in this car, Matt. At present, you're in the way back because that was where you jumped in the truck. Well, also, who's in the passenger seat? So, yes. It's like me and.

Yeah, who's actually in the car? No, it's one of those like where there's like three people in the front seat. Yeah. Because I feel like the second BB goes up, one of us is going to grab the steering wheel and keep us on track. All right, great, fine. Then the car will not spin out. Matt, in order to make it up the car, give me a dexterity roll.

If you flub your roll, you'll still make it, but the car slows down, and Kamo Mwan is going to get to catch up one location. And you add two ticks to the tire wear sheet. Well, you guys are going to have a little bit of penalty for having one tire shot out by Ms. Trudy Trout. Am I still like crazy? I think we can be done with the paranoia.

We'll say the paranoia has worn off. Okay, here we go. Sorry. Am I still scared of sinning? Yes, you are. Okay. 5555, and my dexterity is 57. Oh, just barely. That fucking tachometer starts.

starting to dip, and then you just fucking put your grippers on it, just stick those... My grippers. I take my shoes off because I only drive. I drive my grippers out. A lot of feel the room. Yeah, wait, I get the extra. Like, I don't trust the accelerator pull back on its own. I put my little toesies around the top.

And I move it like a lever. I know you guys are too old for SpongeBob, but the driving lesson where he sticks his toe out of the shoe and just drives with his big toe out of his shoe, classic. All right. So in that case, you maintain speed. Good job, Beebe. It would be remissive. and ask, where are we going?

Oh, that's a good question. I should know where we're going. Where are we going? First, we should take three right turns. That way, we'll know if this person behind us is following. Okay, I take the first right. Are you asking if the monster that's chasing you is really fine? I am offloading the thinking to the other members of my party.

I'm driving and focusing. I can do the thinking. It's kind of all I can do now. I'm so sorry that I shut the tire. I was scared. Does any one of us know off the top of our heads where the cavern where Trudy met Mothman with all the disassembling of the Trudis is?

That's probably a good call. Trudy, do you know where it is? And Trudy was there, she would presumably remember. And he flew you in a way that you were seeing this ground below you. He did fly me. Oh, Mothman. I wish he was here.

Kelsey pours out some water out the corridor. The butt hits a wind shield. Oh, God. Well, I remember the cave being in the forest. I turned towards the closest forest instantly. Whenever I hear, I'm going. You just hit a tree. It was kind of close to that bunker, right?

I guess all of you guys could in theory know this because you all have been there. She flew up and we established it was very king of the world style. That Mothan was like holding her and she was facing the ground soaring. So she would have seen all that. That's true. Yes. All that LIDAR data, dude. Beth, give me a no roll for Trudy.

Okay, dook. A 10 and my edge you is 6. Oh, that's super duper then. Trudy's eyes spark and she goes like, and now she's giving a perfect GPS. I plug in one of her little dangling things into the radio. Into the radio. In 500 feet, turn right.

Matt, give me an electric repair roll. Oh, no, I'm sorry. When possible, make a U-turn. Trudy, do Clark Gables voice. I like that. I like that. I just don't know. You didn't have to do it.

Just the idea that there is a card game. You failed. Did you fumble? No, no, I didn't fumble. Okay, all right. That would have been something fun. I got 90. You short out the radio.

Oh. The cars of radio no longer works. Sorry, folks, we're going to have to sing our own songs. But yes, Trudy knows the directions to Mothman's cave. We'll say it's like five locations from here. Wow. But hold on. Hold on.

We should probably take care of the thing following us before we go to the cave. We can multitask. How do we take care of the thing behind us? Gun check? Who has guns? Guns? You set a course. You're heading out of town, up through the winding country road to the cave that Trudy was thrown into where she met Mothman.

The cave of wonders. The cave of wonders. The fucking engines are running, jumping and gun and boop it and boop and zoop and zap it. Matt, you're in charge of the car. I'm focusing on driving. We don't need a multitask without multiple of us to east do one task. I drive. You guys figure out how to stop that thing.

And then in movies when the car is going as fast as you think it can go. And then they like go, ooh. And they somehow just go faster. Oh, yeah, they downshift. I just go a little faster now. Okay, so I can do this two more times. I got two more speeds than this baby. And then if you look really close,

it's just like you're just pressing the gas. Yeah, just press it again. I press it again. I got one more speed to go after this, guys. Would you say that you are flooring it? Are you being careful or are you being fast? No, I'm not being careful. This is like as fast as possible.

Okay, great. All right, in that case, you can move two locations this turn. And we will roll for those in a second. But first, I want to see if any. Anyone wants to do anything to potentially attack or slow down or otherwise stop Kamoan, who is in hot pursuits. Do we have any expendable people? It is going to get to move after your guys is collecting. Like three NPCs with us.

We have three NPCs of this. I would like to cast my gaze around the car to sort of make an inventory of what we have within. The most D&D fucking line name is ever saying this thing. I'd like to care about to see what treasures are all within. All right. Well, that voice is definitely your character in DZE's for. Yeah. I would like to cast what spell, Anthony?

Oh, my gaze. Oh, what a clever ruse, my mage. You certainly had us in the first half. Rithee, tell us what you cast your gaze upon. My surrounds to see what lies within, indeed. So too you do. The sound of dice rolls. This could be a good D&D podcast if we care.

Oh, what's a good non-trum. You find there's... Light which lights upon your eyes. You see before you, shattered it into bits. You see before you laid out in the rain. Esther, can you lay some medieval-ass, like, fucking fantasy adventure music under that, you know, like some harpsichords or something? As you cast your gaze around the car. You see some condom wrappers.

You see, again, this is an old jalopy line on the side of the road. You see some half-filled bottles of liquors. Wait, this has to be one of Tony's fucking shag. You've, well, well, well, Freddie, you've epiphanyed your way into my dramatic reveal. Yes, you do indeed. What foul magic is this? Your wisdom is even higher than your intelligence in this situation. You've got to be most kindly, my lord.

Francis finds a receipt from Tony's cars, cars, cars, that you realize that this was rented out to a couple of rowdy locals who were hoping to get their fuck on and probably got to get chased out of the car when the curfee started. Francis makes a quick side of the cross, kisses his fingers, and points up at J.C. At T.C. So we got bottles. Let's get somebody throw the bottles, maybe? Oh, very good.

Did old cars have the, like, cigarette lighter? Well, we can say that there's a cigarette lighter right now. Because then we can make a Molotov cocktail. Oh. We got booze? What's the liquor part? The bottle. Are there used condoms around?

Yeah. There's one. There's a bottle of combtail. Is that what you're suggesting? Maybe the only thing grosser than a big monster chasing you is a bunch of used condoms. Is your mom icky about that stuff? well she raw dog my dad at least once so probably not

I'm okay with my mom being a sexual being I wasn't yeah you don't know if they raw dog there could have been a misapp condoms only work like a certain amount of time yeah I mean pretty much all the time I would know because I never use them yeah that's yeah people love saying condoms don't work all the time babe oh yeah I guess for you

I guess I mean I don't know I mean they don't work all the time then they don't really work any other time right why take the risk that's all they're saying why Yeah, why run the race, babe? I'd rather know why it happened. I want total certainty when I look back on this moment. I'm not saying I have a latex allergy, but it's more of a sensitivity.

You, so yes, in the car, you see there are some bottles of various levels of filledness with liquor and other substances. You see some old condoms that may have other substances in them if you take a closer look. In terms of the people in the car, there are the four of you. And then Timmy, who I believe has a switchblade. No, he gave a switchplay to Trudy, but Trudy's body got... No, but we have the body in here. We have the body in here. We could dump the body.

You could dump my body? No, no, no, no. We could still get your... To stall for what? Like two seconds? I don't know. There's some sharp parts there that you don't know about. Everybody give me a no role.

Ooh, super success. I failed. Matthew... Success. Or rather, Kelsey and Trudy. You guys remember that when you were escaping Tucker Trout's house, the original Trudy in her robot body... pressed a little button on her chest that caused it to self-destruct.

Trudy. How are we going to press the button? Oh, I mean. Well, other people have hands. Oh, yeah. Do we remember how quickly it's, like, is he pressed the button and it pulls up? It's like, you know, probably a couple seconds. It's like a beep, beep, beep, beep.

Trudy, you know what to do? Were you attempting to role play, like, cooking a grenade? Is that what you were hoping to achieve? I was just, I didn't want to suppress the button. And they just blow up. Can you imagine what? That would have been so fucking good If I did that's the most insane fucking move

Here's what we should do We should throw some object out first To figure out how far back they are To get the timing right Oh yeah Like those cliff divers When they throw the rock first Yes exactly

I believe it's called sounding Sounding I don't I don't I'll be sounding You guys worry about this Okay That's a good idea

We could try the Well Trudy Do you want to lose your body though Just throw like one of my hands out first And see how long it takes Oh, Trudy, we have bottles. Bottles, sure, bottles. Also, while we test this, does...

I'll say goodbye to my body. Well, wait, there might be another way. Does anybody have any illusion spells? I could swap bodies with my mom. If it sounds less silly, I could ask that awful character. Because I have to be serious. Again, I have to spell the ability to swap bodies with my mom so I could make her stop chasing us.

That's true. But also, I don't know if I die in her body, does she just get to keep mine? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, here's a question. a question. If you swap bodies with her mom. Spin. Swat bodies and spin a lot. So she's dizzy. I do have to remind you that you swap back. And if we've gone far enough away, that's really good. You swap bodies. We, okay, we tie down Francis right now. We tie them down so that when she pops in, she can't do anything. You swap bodies. Just start writing the opposite direction and spin as fast as you can.

Sure. Well, no, she's in the car. She's driving the car, right? No, I'm driving. Oh, she's running. You spin around a lot, and then we get like two more locations far away, and she's disoriented. And my mom has vertigo. And you're, Oh, good. Wait, wait, wait, here's an idea. Wait, here's an idea. And then we can keep your body, Trudy? And Matt, if we're driving up the cliff, right?

I mean, up a road, up a cliff, but yeah. Up a cliff. You want me to jump off a cliff and then like... Just jump off a cliff and swap back, baby. Yeah, but spin two. But spin. But jump. I'll make sure everybody feels like their plan is been respected.

It's disoriented. So I have one thing to say, which is that normally this takes like a couple of hours. Oh, right. Now, however, this is... Made you neglect the cost. How much gas do we have? How much gas do we have? Just drive the circle for a while

It's like in speed We get to the airport And we're just doing laps Hold on I've almost got signal lock I'm really funny I will say if you guys want to do this I will allow it

But Francis is going to have to dump a lot of sanity points To turbo charge this body swap And then even then it's only going to last For a couple minutes What if we do do the plan where we drive around For several hours? I have mental suggestion. I could just maybe, like, get Camon Juan to, like, not follow us, maybe.

Because I was thinking, I don't know. I was going to try to do the master and commander trick, which is if we turn the corner or whatever, if we could get another pair of headlights to go to different, like, if she turns the corner and she sees, like, two pairs of headlights or, like, two things that, like, so you pairs of tail lights. Tail lights, headlights, yeah. Or we could do the, uh, the one battle after another and find a hill. Oh.

Or, or I could cast body warping of Gorgoroth again and turn into a, human flesh car that then is identical. Yeah, you might die. But yeah, and I'll turn off my taillights. Yeah, exactly, exactly. When we turn a corner, you turn off your taillights, and then all of a sudden I'm like a grotesque car-esque car, and then I run the other way.

This is the dumbest way you're ever going to die. So hold on. Hold on. You have the spell up, right? Yes. Can you read the description of the spell to me, Freddie? It allows the casser to change his or her physical form. I'm only half joking here.

The casser must invoke, must invoke Nayara Latotep. And repeat the phrases of the spell for some minutes while expending magic points. When you turn into it's like just as yo on the back because all the rest of Nio Larthatepe has been pushed away. How big can you get? Can you bigger than yourself? The sorcerer. The sorcerer can change. He doesn't need to look like the whole car.

Like just from the front. Like, you can look like a big fly. It's just like, you know. You wish to Wiley Coyote this. You know, back of the day when fucking programmers had to be official with their graphics, do you think so they wouldn't draw what you don't see. The sorcerer can change to any shape in appearance, though retaining personal abilities. The form must be fleshy, though it can appear to be of stone, wood, a rug, et cetera.

Okay. I think metals, et cetera. Oh, yeah, a rug car. Once changed into a new shape. the castor's the mobility of that shape. So I am as fast as a car. And I have to spend two hours to be my mom. And that way that's the spell.

You get? I have to watch a movie while thinking about my mom in order to do anything cool and you just get to do that. So wait, what does it say about the mobility? Once changes to a new shape, the castor's the mobility of that shape. What?

Wait, wait, wait, that's crazy. I could be like a transformer. Yeah. That's crazy. We could have gotten out of the ocean so much easier. I couldn't have just transformed into an F-14. I don't know. You know the poster of this car, by the way, for some reason, they kept selling it as two cars and one.

So I like that when this happens. She goes, wow. It really is two cars and one. All right. What do you guys want to do? I mean, obviously, that. But, like, it's there any way. But, Blake, you're so brave.

But how are we going to get you back from this situation? Yes. How big is Camon Juan right now? Like, she can't go into a sewer, right? She's about the size of the car. Like, she's still on fire also. What do you mean she can't go into a sewer? Like, like, you know, I was to say, like,

Frady could, like, run. And once she's, like, chasing Freddy, Blake, once there's enough distance, he can just, like, jump into a sewer cap. And then we'll find him later. Oh. Also, what's your stealth, Freddie? My stealth is not so good.

Okay. How many times can you do that? Do you, like, go from that to, like, an ant? Like, are you just amping? Well, I need to. Well, so hold on. How powerful is this spell you have? Well, I need to, I need to, I need to recast it.

Go into my mom's butt and then make yourself big. Oh, my God. I just need her. Well, okay. To be clear, since I am Brian Stokes-Mitchell right now, I do need to recast the spell to like, there's like a lot of rolling that might need to happen regardless of to make this happen. It'll take a turn or two for him to do it.

Like I'm not going to just let him instantly turn into a car. But we're a couple locations away from her. So as long as we do like a tight turn, we can have to keep carefully at this point. We'll probably maintain our league. Yes. All right. So the plan is. Team, we got three options.

They're all really good. We did a great job. I'll come up with these. We got, we got great brainstorming says. She's writing them on the side window in marker. Trudy's body has a bomb. Pros might blow up, come on, might be done in that. Yeah.

Negative, we lose your body. And I think we can still reattach you or something. Yeah, it's a free bomb we'd be missing too. Okay. Second option, Francis, you turn into your mom. Your mom turns into you. You spin a lot so you get to see it. I love it back to the video, but it's so important to you.

While you go in the opposite direction, Francis, you got to remember this part. You got to spin it. You'll look down or straight up and spin as fast as you can. You wait for about two turns worse, so there were many locations away and she's disoriented from the spin. Or plague you turn into a car creature and you run in the opposite direction when we turn off our taillights. I know as a listener which one I would want. Or I have mental suggestion.

That can help on all of them. That can just help sell any of these ideas. Okay. That was the most and Peggy ass moment. role way. And pay. Mandel's like actually probably will be super helpful if I just made her turn away

a different way. You just be like, you know, you know it's really fun that you haven't done since you're a kid? Spin as fast as you can. Your one track, mine is amazing. But if we do the car thing, like you could definitely suggest to her

like that car on the left that looks a little bit like Blake is the real one. All right, I want to make a point of order about body warping of Gore-Rogoth. Okay, yeah. You let us know which one of these three options is most likely to succeed. I'm not going to say this. It says that the sorcerer retains personal abilities.

Once in a new shape, the castor is the mobility of that shape. Yeah. So, like, I think that means, like, you have the mobility of the shape of a car. But, like, I don't know if that it means you could go 60 miles an hour. No, it doesn't have to, to be fair. Yes, I think you will, we'll say that you can run at full speed and you will have your normal motion. No, no, no. What do you know, bitch?

Are you the fucking dead? No, I think it will. It says shape. It doesn't say of the thing. No, okay. So what's the shape? The shape without a motor. How fast?

I think he's being very kind, by the way, because a car without a motor running does not go fast. We're going to say that basically. But you can turn into a trapezoid. You won't be stuck, right? Like, you will be able to move, but I'll say you move, like, remember in cars, when the cars, like, use their wheels, like, feet? Sometimes, sometimes the cars go, but they're, like, when they're out of gas, like, when Lightning McQueen blows his tire, he can still, like, move his leg. He can kind of, like, crawl with his tires as if they were feet. So we'll say that you have your regular move speed

And that's what it looks like I once again would like to argue Really End right there That's it Okay so this is what we're doing Freddy, Freddie Take the W

We've won this No but like if I can't move I'm gonna get swallowed up by this thing Okay wait wait that's happening regardless That's why we have the spin action Yeah no no no no no no no no No it's so bombing you up That's why you're focusing on this part we can't.

What do you think about step two? Where do you go? Mobility is a separate category. It's called out specifically, right? This is all I'm saying. Yeah. This is all I'm saying. If you transform into a horse, you, you acquire the mobility, which is the move value,

MOV, which is not the same as strength, con, int, pow, decks. But there's that a horse and a car is different, right? But the car, are you turning into the exact shape of the end? Like, are you turning into a combustible engine? I can use mental suggestion to be like, hey, follow that horse. If you turn into a horse, wait, if you turn into a horse, would you run as fast as a horse? So I answer this. Reap what you have to do.

This is really important, Will. So I have a difficult question I said yes or no question. Thank you so much. If he turned into a horse, this would be my argument. The thing in pop culture that this spell most represents

is the abilities of the T-1000. And if you remember when they're explaining the T-1000, Edward Ferland, he's like, why don't you turn into a gun and shoot us? And Arnold Schwarzenegger's like, he can't do complex machines. So I think that if he turned into a horse,

because a horse is like a physical animal, and his legs are turning into horse legs, and his body is turning into a horse body. Yes, he could run at the speed of a horse. I don't think there's any world where he turns into a car. Well, wait a second. No, I agree. So now is the world... Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Can we make the horse look like a car?

Is my question. That way we get the best of both worlds. That's what I'm saying. It's two horses and one. Wait, what if we made in a horse-drawn carriage? You're saying it's like a horse... Look, look, clearly we're just brainstorming here. It's a safe space. It's a bad idea.

I'm trying to make everybody happy If Freddy wants to run as fast as a horse And then Beth has the power suggestion Because she had the good idea of saying I could make her say like that horse is actually the car How many horsepower does a vagabond have? So how many horses I don't know? Take two bottles, right?

Make them the distance of tail lights. Freddy turns into a horse. We get those bottles and they, you know, they cast a little reflection, it's skin. It's dark? I'm just saying it's dark. I guess the reflection of the horse. I'm like street lights.

It's shiny glass. I say, can we make the back of Freddie as a horse look more like a car? Oh, and then, so you're saying, and then her mental suggestion, it's like in, it's like in late night at the devil when the hypnosis guy convinces everybody that like everybody. So you're like, ooh, that's a car. Like if we had more time, we would make like a whole cardboard cut out that looks like the back of a car and tape it on the back of the horse. And the horse would run. and that way Freddy can still run fast. I'm not saying this will work.

I'm just presenting it as a fourth option. All right. I'm down with any of these. I have, and by the way, this is great because I have an escape now. Okay. I have an escape as a horse.

All right. So now the plan... Probably running. No, even better back. Okay. Wait until you see this. Such as I understand it. If you break your leg,

we will shoot you. Such as I understand it, the plan is that you guys are going to like round a corner. And then all the sudden... Everybody gets out. Freddy turns into a... a horse. I don't know why everyone else needs to get out. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. You need to decorate the horse who look kind to whatever. Oh, shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Shut.

Shut. Freddy gets. You guys decorate Freddy's as a horse. No. So, he grabs two bottles. So that's it. So that's it. All you're doing is that he's going to have two bottles. And I'll be clear. Based on this ad that I've seen of this car, we don't even need to get out. It can hold a horse. It's true, yeah, yes, yes, the big, And you just drop out like fucking fast and furious So I will slow down to the top speed of a horse

So you get Oh, no! Oh no! And then my last thing was like, Trudy, your body Is ridiculous Is there anything Like if we put the body on the back of the horse

You have any horse powered? Any horsey in your O-S? We would make a headless horseman. I don't know. I may need to see the booty. Just the body, you know, has metal. I'm just wondering if there's anything with that. Like, I don't know.

I was just thinking, like, does your body dress? So you said T-2. This plane's already perfect. It's perfect. Why are you putting in a hat? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got it. All right.

Yeah, so what it is, she's riding the horse. And then she's got some way to make her feet glow. Yeah. And that way, it looks like two tail lights. And we can put a bunch of three extra sets on your plane. It's already perfect. It's working.

I mean, you hold two bottles, cast over into the oil. There will be a reflection, like we all know. Everybody take a bunch of trash and condons and put them on top of the horse. That when it's running, it's also like leaving a trail, so it feels more like in the car. Like, like, whoa, that car is leaking. That's definitely a jalopy. That car is leaking trash and stuff.

Like the car has been so far. Because that car is definitely a jalopy, it's leaking. Horses don't leak trash, though. So, definitely helps sell. They don't have saddlebags. Definitely helps sell the illusion. shit. So, so. Okay. All right. This is the best plan. Your power suggestion has to work. Otherwise,

I love going in my mom. I don't like that you're putting this much pressure on me. If you fuck up, I'll go in my mom. It'll be fine. That's true. That's the second option. Yeah. I just always is the nuclear option. Yes. Matt, you said you're flooring it, right? Yes, but now I'm going to slow down to the top speed of a horse. All right. So you're going to say. So first thing we need to do is account for you. Because you're trying to get enough of a distance so that you can round a corner successfully, right? So we're going to say you gun it.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. I need to start casting the spell because that takes time. And I just rolled a 10. We just did the thing where I said I floored it. It's been so long because we're talking about all these plants. But I rolled it super success on vehicle to floor it. I need five minutes. I'd rolled 1D6 plus 4.

I rolled a 1. So that's five minutes to cast the spell. All right. So you guys are going to have to lead her on a chase for five minutes. Okay. Do you like a were like a were like a weird? Like how, like is it really graphic how your chance to walk into horse? Or just all the way.

zero to 100 after five minutes. We're going to say it's five minutes of the most excruciating sounds in pain that you've ever heard he seen as he turns into a horse in the back seat. Everybody else in the back should be doing craft time. Like do everything you can do everything you can to make something that looks kind of like the back of this car. We also have Maltov cocktail plan if you want.

Oh, I'm just going to continue guiding you guys. Bebe, BB, Bibi. Yeah? Try to take off the back of the car. Like the, we got five minutes. I'm saying we should do something. The bumper? The hatch?

Yeah, the actual back door, because we're going to open it anyways for the horse to jump out. So might as well. It's already open. Yeah. Okay. All right. All right. So yes, you want BB and we'll say Timmy and Shane to start stripping parts off of the car.

Yes, Cubs scouts are known to do. You can get a mechanic badge for this if you can get this back of the hood off of this car. But don't take anything that like makes the car go. That's the only rule. You got it, mom. I just want to update you will. I have dropped my sanity down to 57. I've lost one pal, per the rules of this thing,

and I'm also chanting, and I'm down to four magic points. You're praying to Nile Arthotep? Yes, correct. He's like, doby-do-d-N-A-Dub-N-A-N-A-Doh-N-A-D-Haw-A-N-A-Doh-Haw-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-Roth-E-A-Roth-E-Roth. Okay, so he's starting to turn into a horse. Let's do Matt's do Matsch's roll first, because it would be very funny. Matt just crotch the car right down. I already did one role for booking it, so that is how far away are we out.

You've got one of them. We're going to gun it. Two more locations. Who wants to be our first D100 roll and get blamed if there's a big problem? I'll do it. All right. Roll a 1 D100. 17.

I got a 74 and my drive is 75. Holy shit. Oh, this isn't against your drive. No, for hazard stuff. Oh, no. Well, I got 74. Somebody flip a coin. Tails.

So this is going to be a regular hazard in front of you. There's an object on road ahead. Is it still there? Press my left eye for yes. Okay. So we're zip, zap. souping through town, the curfews going on. What should be in the road?

A lady with a baby stroller. Oh, no. What's she doing? It's just gunned in its cans. If it's not. What if it's Marbles? He's in the road. Actually, no, that's a good point, which is that as Blake starts turning into a horse,

Marbles freaks out and leaps out of Blake's pocket, and, we'll say, launches up into the front of the car. So Marbles is freaking out, like, clinging to the dashboard right now. Marbles. It's okay. And then it sees Trudy's seven. head and goes I'm sorry Marbles I wish things could have been

better between us there is another cat in the middle of the road oh god what if it's a nice one I think the car is more of a hazard for the cat than the other way around but okay so yes there's a cat in the middle of the road if I choose now like yeah Matt but like game wise I just want to know

like if I don't swerve is there any damage the car where if I do swerve there's a chance I can like kill us all right there's going to be big damage to the car you know what here's what I was saying oh no this is This is good. There's a cat in the middle of the road. Marbles has left up to the front seat of the road.

Marbles has seen the cat, and now Marbles turns and looks at you with its two mysterious eyes. I can bet you the most powerful cat in this town. Right now, Marbles. There can be only one. Marbles is watching you and is seeing whether you're going to spare the cat's life. I'll swear all the way of the cat. Okay, give me a drive roll with disadvantage.

81 with disadvantage. I don't know why I said this. Yeah. I don't know why. It's okay. I'll use, remember how if we die, we'll let us use all of our luck.

As long as I have two luck, I still have all my luck to give at some point. I'll use six luck, so I only have six luck left. Okay. Wow, you're going to spend six luck on this. Okay.

I don't want to kill a cad. Beth will never look at me again. I didn't mean to. All right. So you're going to swerve out of the way of the cat. I barely miss it. You can also push the roll. It's just cans.

Oh. How does that work? Use cans in the shape of a cat. Wait. Did I push? A push would be you roll again. It'd still be with disadvantage. But something worse happens if you fuck it.

You see, you have something worse. Something worse, it happens if you fuck up. You know, this would be like a, you like try to swerve. No one works so you slam on the brakes to try to Tokyo drift around it or something

like that. All right. I'm going to push it. Oh. So you're maintaining your luck. Yeah, I got, I'm entertaining like,

I got 13 and a 33 this time. Sick. Okay. Describe to me how you fucking dodge this thing in a cool but risk of way. You jump the car. I look at it. And I go, should I turn left or should I turn right?

way. It's right in the center of the car. Either way it will get me around it. I turn right a little bit, and I just barely miss it. Matt used up a lot of his creativity on the whole horse's part. Yeah. I got put his own. We're on a location, too. Someone else gave me another Wondi 100. That is an 82.

So that is going to be another regular, we'll call it a barrier. That cat had kittens, and they're all in the rows. And they're holding their high school diplomas. They just graduated. And they got scholarships. As we go, one. Yes, you realize that the cat was leading a whole family of kittens, like a mother duck with her ducklings across the road.

And now all the kids, there's a road full of kittens in front of you. You got to jump the car, man. Yeah, you got to hit the jump button. Yeah, is there like a ramp anywhere? We will say, please kill us all this way. Please let this be how we all suddenly die. And this season is over because you hit a ramp bad. There's not a ramp.

I don't know what a ramp would be in the middle of it. I'll just do my drive ability. I've got an idea. Yeah. Okay. Trudy can still, like, throw her voice, I think. So I'm just going to go, like, I'm going to throw my voice and say, so they hurry up. Oh, okay.

Okay. You're a robot. You can make this out of a can opener. Oh, yeah. Okay, but careful. A can opener might make them run towards the car. Oh. But they will bring information and be in a single line.

I'm going to close my eyes and drive forward. And then whatever happens is up to Trudy. We're choosing not to do the drive ability. We're going to do your throw voice ability. Okay. I don't like how you word things. sometimes. The use of we was so brutal.

We decided we're not doing the dry thing. You're doing your voice thing. This is fair. There's a lot of you in the car, and I think other people would also have a chance to do something. Yeah, I like what we'll do. I like whatever happens to make you not responsible for the outcome. No, we each get a chance to avoid something.

It's fun. This is fun. I like what we was doing. I did my thing, and now it's up to, that's someone who successfully avoided my thing, I think it should happen more. Yeah, this is fun. We all get a chance.

I will say that this falls under the general appearance skill, because appearance is kind of like the closest thing you get to a charisma in this game, I think. So give me an app roll. What did you get? An 81. Okay, so you make a pitch perfect sound of a can opener opening, but over the din of the car, it's drowned out. Does anyone else want to do something?

I will, it looks like this all comes down. Hold on, hold on, Francis. Blake's morphing into his thing. Francis, you got anything. I take out an old piece. of a beef turkey I've been saving for a special occasion from my back pocket and I'm gonna toss it out the window

and hopefully that'll distract my cat. Now you should just eat it and enjoy the show as I drive like a fucking beast right now. All right, Francis, give me a throw roll. 18. My throat is a 20. Wow. All right, describe how this works to me. I give the jerky little kiss

and I throw it like a batarang and suddenly you see four cats. Their ears perk up and they look up and they all look at the thing and track it with their eyes. And they all leap to the ditch on the side of the road to go and grab it, which gets them out of the path of the car. And then they go back to their mom cat.

They live halfway ever after. It's great. And we'd never see them again. And that was the full family. Yeah. You've moved too ahead. It is Kamoen Wahn's turn. So she is going to...

She runs over the cats. So Kamoen Wahn is thundering down the road. The same way you can floor it. She can go like a dead sprint. Okay. And have the same advantage as it is. How fast does she go compared to this jalopy? She can pace with you guys in the Jolapi

Especially because of the Jalappi's property I have one compared to a horse She's by faster than a horse Remember I got one more power on this car I haven't used my last cinematic So she's now one behind you So we didn't gain anything If we keep succeeding we'll stay with her

You said she paces us We're ahead of her Yes If you're faster than her there's no chase Oh honestly we like I have to slow down to Yeah yeah but like generally in the rules In Calcutthaloo like it's like Then I would just assume that you get away

But, yeah, no, so she can pace with you guys. So it's going to come down to who can navigate all this stuff. So she is thundering down the road, and she sees this mama cat. She doesn't give a fuck. She's going to blast straight through this thing. So we're going to give the cat a roll to see if the cat can dodge out of the way of Kamon Juan. It's fine. It's not a real cat.

It's not a real cat. It's a different cat than the previous one. It's a different cat. I established that they went and lived happily ever after. This cat actually, like, really upset a lot of people. Yeah, this is a mean cat. This is a mean cat. I believe when we did Marbles' character,

she Marbles had an 80 dexterity, because cats are alive and graceful creatures. So, Beth, why don't you give me a dice roll? Give me this cat's dexterity roll. That's an 80? Yeah. Okay, 39. Okay.

Yeah. Well, in that case, the cat goes meow and jumps out of the way just in the nick of time as Kimon Juan thunders passed it without a fucking air in the world. And now she's barreling down on the kidneys. The kitten. No, the keys went into a ditch. She's swerving out of the way to go towards the three of the eight.

No, no, no, no. Whatever sympathy did. She's trying to gain advantage on you guys, so she's trying to cut a kiddie corner as it will to keep up with you. Oh, no, the kitty corner. The kitties are right in her path. But Kamoen, Juan, she may be many things now,

a flesh monster, a force of vengeance and terror, but she is still at her core, a mother. And she has empathy for cute little kitty cats because those are just children cats. One of them, one of them is literally about a glove all the people to fill. So she is going to try to swerve out of the way of the cats. Freddie, can you roll 2D10s for me?

Right away, sir. And we were trying to beat a 50 here. 10. Okay, there you go. She goes up on her, all of her little fleshy appendages, like onto her little sort of fleshy tiptoes. It goes like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. And it sounds like the high part of the piano.

And it sounds like the first song in cats. Are you blind when you're born? But we will say that in order to do this, she has to slow down in order to not hit any of the cats. You guys are too ahead of her. She makes her weak. So she is in pursuit, but you guys have, like, cleared past. You are one third of the way to,

the mountains where you're trying to eventually get to, but you're still in Peachyville proper. We'll say that Freddie, at the end of the next turn, will have turned into a horse. So if anyone is going to do anything right now to help convince Camon Juan that Freddie is indeed a horse, now would be the time. If we're going to the key, there's other Trudybodies there, right?

Trudybomb. All three plans. We can do the Trudybomb and we can spin. Everybody can win. And we can do the horse thing. Yes. Yes. Yes.

If you heard Matt's audio change for a second there, it's because he looked directly at me when he said we could spin. all right so what is everybody doing just i think we should throw a too deep bomb out yeah yeah mom this pretty hit like do you have anything you want to i don't know like say to your body before we throw it out the window thank you for getting me where i needed to be hate to watch you go love to watch you leave okay what and then as you say that trutty your body like twitches to life for a second and like touches your face just like a little goodbye and then gives the terminator thumbs up wow oh and i guess when it does that, the sleeve falls back and you see that mysterious spell, this sigil that

you carved into it. You see it on the hand. So do that what you will. Trudy's like, oh, but keep my arm. Bomb my body, but keep my arm, as they say. The body does like the little a okay gesture with his other hand and then detaches its arm from itself and gives you and sort of like sets the arm on the ground next to you. Okay, so you've preserved the mysterious sigil that you've earned with your strange spell that you have yet. to reveal to us. Timmy is going to throw the body out and press the self-destruct button. Francis, what are you doing?

If someone can hand me a liquor bottle, I can rip off because one of his legs is gone, but maybe some of the pant leg is still there, kind of uselessly. So I feel like he's going to rip that to make a sort of a rag, essentially, stuff that into the liquor bottle and then take the lighter out from the little lighting thing. And I'm going to hand it to shame because I know he's a football player, so he's probably good at throwing. I feel like he must be a quarterback. Okay, great.

And I'm going to say, you know, light this and throw it. You got a friend? I mean, let's talk. We can talk after. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, okay, for sure. Shane is going to throw this Molotov cocktail to start of the next turn. We'll say that this whole prep action is your turn this time, and he lights it to prepare to throw.

Blake, just paint me a picture of what Blake turning into a horse sounds like. He's coming? Yeah, is it? Okay. Is this Blake kind of muttering into horse sounds? Bibi has climbed onto the side of the car and she's got like a screwdriver in her mouth. It looks like a pirate on the side of a pirate chip.

This can get Fury Road very quickly. And she's just like kind of, like undoing the bumper, we'll say. And so she's on one side and we've used up all of our MPC children, right? Oh, what's Milton doing? Milton is, oh, she's like got a rope tied around herself and Milton's holding onto the rope. Nice.

And so she is going to make a dexterity roll to try to pry loose this bumper so that it can be like kind of hung around the horse's butt as a further distraction. We're going to remove a bumper from the car in view of Kamon Juan. No, no, no, no, no. She can't see us right now. Matt will say that you've found a turn. Yes, my plan is, I was going to say for my last action is like I'm driving, I would think I would want to drive through like one of those self-serve car washes.

So I'm driving to that. Yeah. My idea is like, I'll say go and then right when you guys drop Kamon's body bomb, I'm going to turn into the car wash. and drive through it. So it's just like any sort of small tunnel. And then we'll sort of right as Freddie. What a good one of 60 seconds' ass move. Exactly.

So you guys are going to go through the car wash. Yeah, well, one of those self-servant, not the ones that you have to like, not the ones that you like slowly move along. Like, it's just a guy. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's just like a small tunnel. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're going through a car wash. Yeah. And so, yes, we'll say that you've just now reached the top of the car wash. I'm looking at Wikipedia right now. Most of the car washes were either manually pushed through. So you probably absolutely just drive through a fast. Oh, cool. Let's do that.

Bibi's dexterity is 80. I'm going to roll a dice to see if she's able to successfully probably lose the bumper. Okay, so Bibi got a 38. So, yes, she's able to wrench loose the bolts on the bumper and sort of like carefully pull it off. And she's like, I've got it. Matt will say that it's a hard right turn to sort of spin around and go into the, it's a hard left turn. Kind of a Tim Allen situation. You know, you never see the hard left pivot.

You really don't. Yeah. Because there's no money there. Russell Brand showed us that. I guess that's true. You'd make a hard centrist turn into this car wash. Give me a drive roll to successfully drop to the speed of a horse, maintain the speed of a horse,

aim your car into the fucking car wash, which we'll say is empty. I'll throw your bone. 58 out of 75. Okay, great. So smooth as butter. You like effortlessly glide the car, take your foot off the gas and you're sailing now into the car wash itself.

When you drop the body. Timmy pushes the body out front. So it rolls out onto the street. Freddie finishes turning into a horse mid car wash. The top of the car is scraping the roof of the car wash. Milton uses that rope that was tied to BB. They fashioned the rope around the bumper itself and hang it off the horse's ass. It's like lassoed to the horse and the bumper.

They kind of looped it around the horses, Dale. What else are we doing? Oh, now we're going to split? Okay, so now... Run, Blake. Run on the wind. Timon Wong's like, where'd they go? And then she sees Trudy's robot body roll to.

the ground. And so she's like, aha, they must have gone towards the car wash. So she rounds the corner just in time, you're like, she's about to see what's going to happen, and then this bomb goes off in her face. This is, we will say, the stick of dynamite. Yeah, absolutely. All right, so a stick of dynamite. Unless that's not very much damage, in which case, it's several sticks of dynamite.

It's a unit of dynamite. One, an absolute unit. What's the one of the battery explodes? Thermal runway. Thermal runway. Because this blew up a house, right? Like, this is like a, like, it blew up there. And so I'm like, how much dynamite doesn't take the blow up a house? Oh, let's look that up. And then you're going to be on a list.

And that's fine. A house. A single story house. We're going to call a stick of dynamite. Way more, though, than one, though. I mean, it's not like her whole body is just dynamite. She's got a bunch of other stuff. I would argue that there's one stick of dynamite.

I would argue that her whole body is dynamite. Judy is. Judy is dynamite in terms of what the explosive power is. On the inside, though, is one stick worth. like a one stick of dynamite. Yes, okay, that's fine. Okay, so one stick of dynamite in L.A. Yes.

Maybe on PGVille, she's three or four. She's a three six of vitamin. She's a one stick of dynamite L.A., yes. So that's four D-10 damage. Kamon Juan is thundering over this thing, and right as she leaps over it explodes. And there's just this massive boom. And she's thrown into the air and knocked onto her back. You hear a sort of enraged scream as the smoke clears.

You see her on her side. There's like a big chunk of flesh. blown out of her like little tendrils are sort of writhing and like some sort of viscous ooze spurning out of her but she's not dead but she got hit for 26 damage but you see her start to climb her and pick herself back up that sounds like a big hit probably feeling a little dizzy you get it be a shame if somebody made you a little dizzier you're real shame if you had to spin you know what man here's what we'll say she took a glancing blow and she spun in the air

so we're also going to give her Constitution saving throw to see if she is in fact dizzy there's no way we'll lose this one because if she did get dizzy then Beth could be like hey it's pretty fun that first time you spun he didn't even get dizzy maybe she didn't get dizzy

she did not get dizzy surely nothing could happen by spinning around a few times I bet you can't do that a couple more times all right so she did not get dizzy but she did get fucked up pretty bad. Yeah, it took out about, like, over half her health.

Oh. Nice. That's killer. Let's go find another Trudy body. Wait, there's a bunch of them in the cave. Yeah. Okay, so she's dazed, she's on the ground. It is now time to execute your plan.

Yes. So give me everything that everyone's doing. I slowed down. To horse speed. One horsepower. Give me an education roll. For what? To see if Kelsey knows.

Yeah, that's fine. I'll fucking do education roles all day. And that is one of many things she knows incredibly well, 38 super success. Ooh. Okay. She knows it's between 25 to 30 miles per hour. Okay, at a full gallop. A full gallop.

So I drop down to like 20 miles per hour as I go through the... School zone. As I go through the car wash. Okay, great. You've gone down to 20 miles an hour. And then you're making a hard right turn once again as you get out of the thing. Is somebody going to do like a little like four squirrel moment with Blake before he gets out like touch the... Oh, yeah.

Who wants to... I wish I had my body so I could touch the main. Timmy, help your mom out. Timmy strokes No, pick up your mom's head and let her Oh, I think you want to me to do it No, I'm saying, help your mom This is why there's no horse boys

Yeah, boys aren't allowed to express horses This is not about you, Timmy, this is why I'm not binary I hate these fucking gender norms, it sucks This sucks! It's not about you! I just want to express my love for a horse That's okay, Timby, you don't have to do anything Think you're making it our problem, Timmy?

Timmy grudgingly grabs Trudy and sticks her head up to the horse. What do you want to say? the horse. Mom. You're beautiful. Please run well and strong and we'll be here when you are no longer a horse. All it took for Trudy to like Blake is random to train to a horse. Women want one thing and it's disgusting. Blake, you're going to dismount the car, I guess. Yes.

Give me a horse's dexterity role. I don't know. How big is a horse's just majestic? Oh, it's just mine. I wish I had those There's, like, clippy, cloppy things that I can do. Well, yes, what, well, 48 out of 75. We go to get cups from downstairs and do it. Oh, great. We go to slow a moment. It looks at one of that Edward Boybridge shit.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, dude. All of my legs are off. All of his legs did leave the ground. Everybody just ate shit on the way out. Immediately broke a leg. Oh, God. Just go to the car wash.

To the dead horse. What were they trying to do? All right. They were washing these corpses. You gracefully land. Uh, no. The bumper and I guess the bottles you tape to the bumper sway and glints in the moonlight as you emerge from the car wash. We're still in front.

So when I peel out, I like do a 180 turn and go foo and like turn around into like, you know, a little area where they dry the cars. Like I'm just turning away. So you're trying to hide. Yes. Yes. You're trying to like it's more likely if she sees two things, then there's a moment where she can investigate. Like which one looks more like a car. The one that has two feet behind it galloping.

Yeah, this way she gets me like I get the car wash fucked up the car. Yeah. But we're doing the Trudy spell, too, right? The mental suggestion. Yeah, yeah. The caster can command any being with human blood in its vein. The caster intones the spell and relates the suggestion to the target for the spell to succeed. The caster must succeed in an opposed pow roll with the targets.

So, Beth, give me a pow roll. I fail. Kill me. How bad was your failure? What did you get? I have a 55 pout and I rolled in 85. You rolled in 85? Yeah.

Well, yeah. This is your lucky day, Beth, because she rolled a 96. So she fumbles. That's so fucking close. What was the thing that you said that was wrong? And we will figure out how she misinterpreted it to believe that the horse is a car. You know, just an average deception rule. Quite the prompt.

That horse is a car. Oh, shit. I shouldn't have said it was a horse. And so she hears that and goes, that horse is a car. Horse power. Horse power. Horse power. Horse power. Horsepower. Horse power car. Camon Juan is for now successfully convinced that Blake the horse is really Blake the car. So we peel off around and we watch Camon Juan come out of the car. Watch a little cleaner. And she sees the horse. She smells minty fresh.

She has a little like air freshener around her neck. We watch Blake run off down the street and Camon follows him. What's the plan for meeting up with him again? Did we come up with one? He said he had one. And we respect. He's a grown man. We respect his wishes.

We've succeeded. Like, we get essentially drive. We're out of combat. Yes, you're out of combat. Yeah, we get to drive to the cave. I, as a player and a friend, want to know what my friend's idea was. He said he had a way out of this. You're right.

The only real suspense is out. You're not Blake is getting out of this. If you die. in this form, I'm not going to your funeral. You know, they say if you die as a horse, you die in real life. They say you die twice. First time when you die and the second time when the horse stops riding here.

Okay. Kelsey is going to take a boat just to get out of the car. She salutes like towards the direction of Blake. We also live. Yeah. Good luck, Blake. They're such majestic creatures. Yeah. Blakes and plumbers. All he has to do is make her run for like an hour.

Yeah. And then I can take her over and make her spin. That's great. Yeah, and I think And kids take it Time for the coup de grace of this plan And I start preparing this battle Nice Kids take a good look

That's a that's a soldier That's an American soldier Sacrificing his life for all of us That horse car man Now That horse car man is more man than any of you It's his battle to fight on his own Now it's our time to do our job

So get in the car, let's go everybody You're right Anybody else want to drive You're right, let's go God bless you're right, let's go. God bless you Blake lively and she salutes. And then all the kids salute and BB wipes a tear from her eye as your car drives off into the night towards the cave where all of the Trudy Body parts are. Mother, mother fear me

I am the broken sky All I ever wanted was to feel So ordinary In a world that lies Twisted in my mind And now I'm gone All that I can see is a hole in the start

swallowing my dreams and making them scars too far, too far away that I'll stay today thanks so much for listening some truly choice highlights on the Patreon content this week. Behold!

If you were like one of those like characters in an interactive like haunted house, one where You can touch them, but they can't touch you. Wow. How good do you think you'd do? I'd be so good at that. You think he'd be good at, like the crazy guy? Hold on, right, Matt.

I feel like I'm 90% of the time. I walk down the street. I'm worried I'm just scaring people anyway. I have an idea for being a person in a haunted house that I think would really scare people, but I don't think many people have done it. Okay. I act scared of them. Like, really, really terrified of them.

That's actually pretty good. Yeah, like, don't touch me. Stay away from me. Like, yeah. Patreon is a way to directly support this show, but more importantly, you get what I believe is one of the best deals in the audio entertainment business today. What is the worth of laughter? If this show brings you mirth, I promise you there are greater heights that lie within. Yes, you have to pay money for it, but we've committed since the beginning to make sure that the $5 deal was worth it.

From the beginning, I stipulated that any bonus content by default should be available to the $5 level. Of course, higher tiers have more stuff, but at the $5 level, we include every one of our standalone three-partner mini-series, the highest regarded one at the mountains of Dadness, from when so much of the Cthulhu underpinning of this season is so derived, all the way to the one most clipped by fan artists and animators, the immortal Sons and Sons ability, a Regency Romance that Anthony DM'd with Regency expert and voice actor extraordinaire Amanda Shuckman to deliver the highest highs

our humble troop of entertainers has yet achieved. Those of you who know, no. You also get extra podcasts. Matt and Beth wrestle with their own strange relationships to Christianity by reviewing Christian slop? We call that one. Crysterion collection, and all the after shows of the past two seasons and this one ongoing. By my rough calculation, by looking at Spotify just now, about 200 hours of additional content

available to you immediately at the $5 level. And as for this last episode, ooh, don't you want to know? Don't you want to know how the horse thing happened? This week on The Peach Pit, I share my triumphant reclamation of agency for my player character. metamorphose, but upon my own terms. And in doing so, I proved to my improvisational comedy peers that I still got the fucking sauce. That's on the peach pit, only on Patreon. If you're on the fence, you can request a refund in 14 days. Promise me that you don't abuse this. I have to do those. I have to do them one at a time manually, and I value my time right now on the eve of Matt and me

attempting our most ambitious feature film project yet. I'm a little. telling you this, because I'm so confident you will get something worth every penny of your hard-earned cash if you sign up today. Patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads. Dungeons and Daddy is Matt Arnold as Kelsey Grammer. Anthony Burch is Francis Farnsworth. Will Campos is our DM. Beth May is Trudy Trout and myself.

Freddie Wong is Blake Lively. Our theme song is The Stars by Max and Waller. Anisa Omran is our content producer. Ashley Nicola is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Cindy Denton is our merchandise manager. Esther Ellis is our lead editor, Travis Reeves, Omar Romolino, and Brian Fernandez provide the additional edit. Our show, directly supported by the aforementioned Patreon, so shout out to Ludoniero,

Kevin Cito, Rubin Evans, Sava Daniel, Uncle Flappy, Ksharp, Ian McLean, Nina H. Jensen, Magnus, Andreas Olson, comedian Reginald Barris, Joey Comosa, Adithi A, Michael Lothar, Scooby-Dooooom, Dan Jensen, Thomas Burkidol, Kevin Cunningham, Ashley Hunt, and Vichela Daniman. Mouthfuls this week. Support directly on Patreon at Patreon. dot com slash dungeons and dads merchant more dunges and dads.com next episode October 21st. We'll see you then. All that I can see is a hole in the stars Swallowing my dreams and making them scars Too far, too far away

But I'll stay today Is there anything less rock and roll than singing, I love rock and roll. But another thing in music is music propaganda, where the song is about the genre of the song in the song. They're like, country music is good. You've never heard. You've never heard like, ba-la-bo-ba-jazz is the coolest. That's just jazz don't got another fucking proof, dude.

Yeah, jazz is like the Yoda of music.