Dungeons and Daddies - S4 Ep. 17 - Holes (I’m Tired of This, Grandpa)

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

how do bombs workThis episode contains Profanity, Violence, and Sexual Content.🚨🚨Did you know that September 13th was Grandparents Day? To celebrate, we've dropped some new Season 4 merch and we're having a sale!🚨🚨Now through Sunday 9/27, head to our store to grab Dale's You Are Here shirt, new Sons and Sonsability stickers and pins, and dig into discounts on our previous season collections.Support the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchDale Elliot is Matt Arnold Ralph Estarellas is Will CamposHerb “The Worm” Quiggly is Beth May Ashley Birch is Freddie Wong Theme song is “Conventional Wisdom” by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Blood is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves and Omar Romolino provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddies is a rowdy, horny, violent podcast for grownups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. In the Avia Justice System, criminals are judged by two separate yet equally important groups. Bird juries who judge bird crimes and non-bird juries who deliberate on cases involving non-bird offenders. These are their stories. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, or actually it's Grandpa's and Galisies this season.

Are you okay, Beth? You got something to say? You want to do this instead? You want to fucking do this? What's the energy, Beth? I'm sorry. Don't talk to my podcast that way, Beth. I'm sorry.

Why are you coming in with this kind of energy? It was a voice I hadn't really familiarized and prepared myself for, but now I have. And I'm ready to get into me. Get ready because it's all zany voices. Now it's Zany Voices Week here at Dungeons and Daddy. It's only Zany Voices. That's right, everyone. Can next week be like ugly sweater week?

Oh my God, yes. Yes. I wear ugly sweater. Why you all look at me? 365. Everyone just be like scratching themselves and stuff, dude. We said ugly. They're ugly and uncomfortable, yeah.

They're ugly and uncomfortable. It's so ugly that it's uncomfortable to wear. Grandfals and Galaxies is a grand space pauper about four gilves who take to the stars to rescue their grandkids, three of them, and perhaps the entire known universe in the process. D and the Dark Matter System. My name is Freddie Wong. I play Ashley Birch, Ashley with an E, Birch like the tree. Born in 64, that makes him the youngest boomer.

His day job, a twin galaxy, Xera, gadgeteer, arcade, pro gamer turned Twitch streamer. His night job also Twitch streamer. You gotta be streaming all the time. This week's Ashley, fact, I thought of this one from a dream. Wow, okay. He's naked, oh no. Everyone's loving him. Everyone has called Dim sum, Chinese tapas.

Mm-hmm. And Ashley prefers to call it ordering a la carte. That's pretty good. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. I'm going to be brave. I don't get the all-a-cart joke. Can you explain it to me?

It's a cart. It's a cart. There's a card. At a gym some place. Now it's all, yeah, I feel like I just took the limitless pill. But Ashley's favorite method of eating is eating at a steakhouse, especially in the old school. Here's why. It's favorite.

Wait, guys. guys let it finish where's this going Freddy just started another fact like if I don't continue how long do you think Freddie would just keep saying facts about I'm not going to say anything until he's done

steakhouse you're ready you order sides but everyone shares them you get your thing right the best kind of Freddy joke where it's all about his personal lived experience and has to be explained to the masses but then you're like what do you have to get extra sides and everyone's got a

share. I want my size. Digging on these button mushrooms guys. I mean, they're like, what the fuck is this? And then they bring them out and it's just like, here's a small play of brocolini. We're all going to poke. I'm like, this is terrible. Freddie, not only did you just add a second fact. Oh, is that a problem, Will? Not only did you. People value for the money? I'm not done. Not only did you add a second fact that is clearly just a you fact,

but then you're like, Ashley likes it. And then your fact was you complaining about why it's bad. That's why I'm not Ashley. I'm playing a character. Will. That's called acting, Will. You've heard of it? Hey, I hate the...

Did you know that Leonardo DiCaprio didn't defraud people out of money in Wolf of Wall Street? He's actually playing a character, Will? He also wasn't even on the Titanic. Freddie, I'm sorry. He didn't even... You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. It was really funny. Hey, everybody. I'm Matthew Arnold. I played Dale Elliott, the Roller Cruz Love and Ex-Life Guard live in his best monk life. Widow of one, father of four, grandfather of seven and friend to all. I think I'm done with the senses. I don't care if I am or not.

So here's a little fact about Dale. Dale does go to San Diego Comic-Con every year. Wow. He started. It was just a little accident. He was getting off a cruise ship in San Diego. It happened to be during Comic-Con. And he saw a bunch of people dressed up like pirates.

And he was like, well, this is my sort of jam? Like, what is this? They saw him. And he was dressed up and it's a Y and whatnot. And they were like, we're the pirate folk. Come join us. It's like, oh, pirate folk. Pirate folk are fans of the hit anime series one day.

God. God. Hell, damn it. Hell yeah. And fuck. Hell yeah. He got it. He walked us so slowly down at that tap.

He got, he went there. He's like, where are you guys going? And he thought it was going to be like a beach party, but went to his big convention center. There's all these interesting costumes. Like, this is neat. This is neat. He still doesn't really know what Comic Con is. But every year he goes down there, he tries to meet up with the pirate folks.

And he says a good time in San Diego. It's a nice time for it. Just going to look at what this looks like, looking at the cosplay for SDCs. If you go to Reddit Pirate Folk, despite it being a fan base of a, But One Piece, you would think they didn't like One Piece. Oh, my God. Is their fan base really called Pirate Folk? That Reddit is called Pirate Folk.

Yeah. That's wild. Yeah, I think that is the, it may not be the overall term for all One Piece fans. That's why they need to have two different, like, subverts, like the pit. The pit's got the one subred that hates the show and the one subredite that likes the show. Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos. I play Ralph Asterea is a sci-fi scribe slash wife guy whose wife died slash radiation freak.

I just short, little simple, Ralph fact for you today. Ralph's first job was a kid was he was a bat boy for the Waterloo Whitehawks. A minor league team in... I was thinking the same thing. Whatever anyways is bat boy, I just think of that newspaper article where there's like the weird-looking kid. Yeah, you see, Ralph, while he was, you know, running balls back and forth and getting guys their cocaine or whatever a bad boy did for a minor league team back of the day. It wasn't getting people their cocaine. It was inventing big league.

Chew. Yeah. He had the idea for Big League Chew and then forgot about it. We're getting so many facts. And then didn't go on to become award-winning. Who was it that did Todd? It's the guy who did Tar. Yeah. Really? Yeah. He didn't know about that.

Yeah. Yeah. He made Bigley Chew. Todd Hose. Holy shit. Like the greatest artist of all. Toddfield. That's almost as good as fucking the potion seller writing challengers.

Yeah. Literally. Yeah. The two crazy movie industry facts is the director of Todd Field was the co-inventor of Big League Chew. when he was a bat boy for the Portland Mavericks. And then my second favorite one, Joel Silver also co-creator of Ultimate Frisbee. So anyway, Ralph was a bat boy.

And yeah, he would daydream about a character named Bat boy that was like his alter ego who was like a teenager turned into a bat. Or proto teen sex. He was like there's something about a teen turned into something. I thought, yeah, I thought the same thing, Matt. Oh, that's good. I like that more. That'd be like a turn into a bat movie.

There's like a guy who's like just trying to turn into a bat. Hard to turn to do a bat. Yeah. It's like, it talks to you. It's like angels in the outfield or rookie of the year, but the kid turns into the bat

that Babe Ruth uses. Wow, that's more like Sandlot, I guess. Yeah, so then he magically helps be, he's like this lucky home run bat for the team. He like has to like roll and knock over a picture of his wife

so he like remembers what he's playing the game for. And the guy get into a fight and then as he swings, the bat like purposely moves out of the way of the ball and keeps getting strikes. Come on, but what you do is like, so yeah,

so yeah, there was that. And also I was going to say that this is where he got his life long love of tobacco products. Oh, yeah. Yeah, hold on, wait a minute. He had some smokers. He had left his wife, huh? He's been smoking his pipe. Who all smokes?

Dail smokes tons of cigars and cigarettes. I've been name checking Ralph's pipe that he smokes. Oh, yeah, that's right. Oh, yeah, but he started on chew tobacco. That was why he didn't like big league chew. He's like, what do I need gum for? I can just get tobacco. As a kid in the 40s, I can just get raw tobacco. Have any of you ever done chew?

I have, yes. What was a light? It was terrible. Terrible. Yeah. Did you spin it into a little. The lake of the Ozarks. I wanted.

Yes. There was no ringing spittoon to spit into. So I'm like, I'm missing half the experience, honestly. No, I spat it out. But I didn't have the piquing. Hi, my name is Beth May, and I play Herb the worm quigley, a young, hard barbarian storytelling grandpa who is losing the plot, and so am I. Fun fact about Herb, he was trying a few years ago to get into Bavarborian.

Big pharma. That's right. That was his dream. He wanted to cater specifically to people who forget to take their pills. So he's been working the hardest on specifically the names of the medication because he thinks like that's the most important part of getting rich and selling the product. And so far he has come up with four bangers. Let's hear them. Remembral.

Yep. Misidose. That's great. whoopsidone This one I'm really proud of I mean he's really proud of Adhira That fact is inspired by

My psychiatrist telling me about An injectable antipsychotic You take every six months And it's called half yeara That's pretty good That's good That's awesome That fucking rules

You guys heard about Dogs are pro If you don't know what it is Ask your doctor and see if it's right. What's up, dog? I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your granddad master. I don't have a firm effect today.

We're going back to Epigrams. Nice. Yay. And this one, I suspect, at least some of you will know. Is it a... Okay, go ahead. It's not a woman. I'm sorry?

Okay. If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent... Her? I made it feminist. Is that... Sounds like Descartes or something like that. Close. Fucking Kant.

Fucking... some slave guy's guy. It's not like a founding father, is it? No. I have a... You'll be able to get it from a different quote by the same guy. I do not agree with what you say, but I will defend it to the death. You're right to say it.

Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Christopher Nolan. Now, who was it? It was Voltaire. I said Voltaire. He did. When?

At the beginning? I was throwing it out there in my run at the end there. Oh, okay. Well, you got there eventually. We last left you. You did your civic duty. You passed a verdict of guilt. on a stranger and then said that they should have...

Some juries do. I mean, that's just... That's just definitely true. Holy shit. That's not even like... That's just how that works. Oh, shit. No, got that.

They didn't say anything that goes in growth. No, no, no, no. That's just a general observation. That's just a true observation about some jury. They didn't get a chance to... Are you talking about her? No. That was the judge.

All of us want to keep the joke in, There's one holdout on the podcast. Give me an hour. Give me an hour. Come on. Hey, judge. Come on. Give me an hour.

I can change him. I can change your mind. Give me an hour. All right. I'll allow it. You chose a punishment of memory wipe of offending incident. But the big twist was that this jury trial took place in February before you even knew what was going on in the podcast. So without knowing that it was Oliver, you sentenced Oliver to have his memory of killing a bunch of people.

accidentally during a space chase, a race from his mind. And more importantly, if he ever remembers that he did it, his mind will basically burn from the inside and he will die. And as this was explained to you, a tentacled creature came up to you, very briefly showed you its face, which was the sculptor's face, and said, sounds like we have a lot to talk about.

What would you do in this moment as Oliver is talking to Herb? The sculptor has pulled one of you aside and is talking to you about a conversation that you should have. Also, the tentacled creature has a cuboid case that it's holding in its right tentacle. It has a GameCube that is holding in its right tentacle. Is he handcuffed to the case, but it's just like his tentacle in a little cuff? Yeah, he just tied his tentacle into a knot. That's crazy.

Sculptor. Isn't the entire galaxy's system of juries compromised by your presence? Right? Because if you're on a jury, you could be multiple people on the- Wait a second. How many trials have you rigged? The sculptor takes his two tentacles and pushes them into his cheeks and goes, Ain't I a stinker?

Wait, would it even be considered rigging, though? Like, if the sculptor was represented by 20%? You're looking at the jury of your own trial? Of course. Have you ever been in charge with the crime and then been on the jury for your own crime? Maybe. What the hell is this? But guys, fellas, fellas, fellas, you're getting your debate energy out early.

I wanted to talk with you. I have our final conversation. Wait, wait, before you say anything else, baseline, I just want to get a sense of this. What percentage of the universe are you? I don't mind gambling. I just want to know the odds. Like whenever I go to see somebody, if a new person shows up and they're like,

hey, you want to go hang out? I'm like, okay, what's the chance that's you? Dale, would you think that would be a smart thing to tell you? Oh. Whoa. Are you part of this? I'm mine? And you don't even know it?

I would tell you because I think it's fair to... Why? Why would you tell me? I don't know. I just would. Dale's a stand-up guy. I'm a stand-up guy. I'm like you stand-around, sneaking around,

pretending to be other people. I will cop to not being a stand-up guy. And we only hang. with cool stand-up guys like my butt. I do. He did want something. I know. I just wanted to get a sense. I know. We're trying to rattle his cage a little. Blah. Didn't work.

Was that for me? What is it? What are you here? What are you here? You got everything you wanted. If you walked up to yourself as a cashier, would you let yourself walk away with unpaid for merchandise and goods? I wouldn't even bother walking up to myself. Do you fall in love with yourself? Do two sculptors not know who each other are? And if they fall in love, it's like if you didn't know your cousins?

No. They would know who each other are. But yes, different minds within my hive mind can't fall in love with each other and have. Wait, what? Really? Yeah. What? They're separate minds. Are there rules about that within the hive mind? What, what happens? I mean, they have a relationship. And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. If you make a baby, is the baby a sculptor? You can't make babies. But your name is a sculptor. What do you sculpt?

Flesh. Guys, really quick. So you can make babies. So if he doesn't make babies, that means anybody, anybody who's a sculptor would not waste money on any contraceptives. That's true. Just a detective note. Detective, no. Don't tell him that. You have a cold dress. This is between us. Gros, remember, if a guy ever says that he doesn't need to use a condom, it's because he's the sculptor.

But I'm just saying, if we meet somebody, you know, take a look in their wall. They got a, you know. They got a Jimmy hat. Hit Jimmy hat in there. Then they're probably not a sculptor. He's probably not a sculptor. And a responsible individual. I just got to chill down my spine comprehending the strange, you know, arcane shapes an alien prophylactic would take.

Probably you could blow it up like a balloon, though. Yeah, you actually can most of them. Okay, so you're here. even though you took everything from us. I booked out a conference room. I just want to have one final conversation. Because your debate's not done with Al here. What do you mean?

He taps his briefcase and he opens it up and shows you Al. He shows us Al howl. He shows you the cube that Al was in, the house is Al. So Oliver, Al is like this really powerful. I don't know how much you missed while you were out, so to speak. But this guy, the sculptor, he's part of a high. I mean, you know. I know who the sculptor is.

You know him? Yeah. Well, not. Well, actually, yeah, personally. We know one of his forms. Kind of go way back. Okay. Hey, Al.

Just so you know, Al is trying out different voices, different genders for fun. Oh, well, that's cool. If Al sounds different. Al, now you're partying. That's what I call partying. He left us and all is that. Or they, they're out. Al.

They tried different things while you were gone. Is that you out? Yes, yes. What the fuck? Who's talking right now? That's Al. This is Al. Do you guys don't remember me?

I remember you. You're listening to our producer, Anisa, who has joined the podcast for this episode to pitch it as Al, because Anthony does not trust himself to give an unbiased third-party view in this debate. Also, Anisa is used to us debating and arguing and then trying to convince her of things. Yes. And I don't always take all of their arguments. I will make my own decision. So, yes, that is me.

I am Allison? Am I Al? Do I just go by Al? It is entirely at Yale. I'm okay being Al You were supposed to prepare a dad fact Do you have a dad fact for us? No

Now you know how it feels Wow, whoa, whoa, whoa, wow, wow. Al is the smartest person in charge Intelligent, capable, and wonderful. So just be yourself. It's a year. I don't feel like Al would have a fact.

Al would not play into this. Wow. That's good. That's good. I'll do that for Ralph next week. Yeah. Damn, good movie. Shit.

Shit. Already broke the meta. We were trying to figure out how to get out of dad facts for years. You get to do it once, but all of you have to do with the same episode. Cool voice. Hi, guys. It's been a long time. It's just two things you need to know quickly, sculptor shows.

One is, I just want to have one final conversation, one debate with you, and then we're done. And two, there is a bomb in the hospital. And, you know, if you don't, then I'll... You're going to bomb the hospital like Joker? Not quite like Joker. How do you know what Joker is? Again, I watched a lot of fiction and art. Yeah, yeah, because he's the master philosopher for a time and says things like if God doesn't exist, we need to inventing.

Okay, sculptor, we'll talk to you. Okay, that's fair. Great. You want to talk? I don't like talking with a bomb. So why don't you just put that aside and we'll come talk to you? I don't understand. It's not a debate if the signs are that unequal.

It actually, it is. You had an attempt to convince Al to join your side and not help me. I have spent the last year with Al, and we spent that time talking. And because Al is an intelligent being, and I've had a lot of time to share my perspectives with them, they are prone to change their mind about things and open to being persuaded. So the last time they saw you, Al promised that they would help you stop me and my people, the luminous, from getting the spark and gaining control over life and death. This is all tracking. Remember this? Yes.

And then you taught Al how to kill someone or how it feels to kill someone. and then his pathos circuit locked. So in terms of pathos, he is on your side and will never stray from your side. But in the intervening year, I've shown him innumerable perspectives, facts, and stories from my hive mind. And so I've locked ethos in my favor. Bullshit stories like I can walk away with candy bars whenever I want. If I'm running the store, that's a stupid story. I never sold that as a story.

Wait till Al, here's what I have to say about that. Or steakhouses. All it remains is logos. So to understand, Al is emotionally with us. That's what Pathos. He understands the emotion of the pain that destroying the universe and the stupid way you want to do it that sucks would cause. Yes.

But he believes, correctly, I would argue, that I'm a better authority figure to make decisions like this than you are. Okay, well. Because you make rational decisions like put a bomb in a conversation. Hey, Al. Yes. Do you know about the bomb? I am aware.

Yes. Well, what the fuck do you think about that? Well, emotionally, I'm not very happy about it. But logically, I understand why this would benefit the sculptor's agenda. And because I want Al to work with me, I've given Al my word that as long as this conversation goes off, however it's going to go off. The way you wanted to go. No, no, however it goes off. Because, again, I have no control over Al, nor do you other than our ability to persuade them of stuff.

So all they have left is their logo circuit. So that's what we're essentially going to be fighting over. But that's like the one thing we're bad at. Well, not necessarily. Clearly, how smart. Your score in logos from the last time you talked to Al is 27 out of 50. The first person to reach 50 wins. My score is 21 out of 50.

So you've got a head up on me by six points. So if anything, this might actually go pretty well for you. Good thing is not blackjack. Yeah. Can I ask before we start this conversation, why there has to be a bomb here? Yes. That feels like what you're saying is that either you win or you lose, but you win. No.

The reason the bomb is here is because I saw the way you were eyeing Al here. and I'm sure that in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what if instead of doing the debate, we steal it. Then give us the detonator. If you think that the bomb is there to kill all of us, and it shouldn't matter who has it,

and that would be a sign of good faith, and then the debate can continue in a cool way. Roll persuasion. Who's got the best persuasion? Well, Freddie said it, too. Okay, well, either one. You didn't say it, too, I said it. Yeah.

I persuasions plus one, and I roll a 17 plus one, 18. Ooh. Nice. It goes, okay. And tosses you the detonator. Wow. Hold on. Dad, Dad, Huddled, real quick. Man here, I could...

We all like it in the season, right? I've never had so much power. I've never read so much power in the whole show before. And like this boss for sure here. Yeah. Like, it's like in my precedent. I just want to know for sure. It's not like in this exact room, but yeah, the building will go down.

I want to use my cool hacking skills. to try and understand the nature. Like, for example, have they gotten a team of contractors in over the past month to go into the elevator shafts and install, you know, C4? Oliver sees you staring at the detonator with this, like, look of hunger in your eye. And he goes, oh, also, they gave me my stuff from when I fell into a coma, but I don't recognize this. I think they just gave me, like, the whole lost and found. I don't really have much use for it. But there's a lot of like, dips.

Okay. I call dips. Okay. From his stuff. Happily, it's yours. Okay. I mean, Herb, you can look at it too, I guess. Sure.

I just want to take one look. Fine, go ahead. What do I see? Freddie, what is Herb C? You see a micro turret, a palm-sized puck that I can throw. These are all things that, like, I have been slowly gathering and trying to figure out for my gadgeteer class. As I level up, suppose it, right? So we're seeing the diagetic explanation for this.

We're doing the diagiotic explanation. Like, you couldn't figure out in the sci-fi World War a spaceship where you just get some stuff. If only you've been to a mall at any point in this. You don't know you'll have a cabinet in our spaceship at any moment. Sure, maybe, maybe, but here's, I'm just, I just want to get everyone up to speed with all my cool gadgets. You know that classic RPG leveling mechanic where they just, a guy at the lost and found gives you your more powerful item. You got to love this, folks. I'm a micro turret.

It's like a thing I lob and it turns into a turret that shoots. Oh, Torpbeorn, dude. Torbord, yes. The TF2 Torbion turret. I have that. You have more video games. I have the gravity manipulator. It's like a pistol that lets me move things.

He's over here playing Overwatch and Half-Life 2. Yeah, I'm sorry he picked the correct class. I also have. What did you get all this stuff? This level? Five is like a pretty big... I will say this. Some of these were things that I've had

that we haven't been in like crazy combat when I got it. So it's like, you know, I got the bubble shield. But I'm like, well, that wasn't really... Whatever. All right. Sorry, I'll just go through the list. I'll stop interrupting.

I have a device that can turn things invisible within 60 feet of where I throw it. This is in dark matter. Yeah, yeah. This is in dark matter. And I also have like an Omni tool. It's like a sonic screwdrivery thing. It lets me like scan things.

Just lose a magic one and does whatever you want. Is that it? Yes. Yeah, I'm keeping this stuff. Okay. All those things exist. But Herb happens now. And if you want to use any of those, you have to ask her to do it for you.

And also you have three drones now. Including a drone that will. defend you by you choose to like instead of taking a hit one of your drones dives in front of you like Clint East within that one movie where he's in a light of fire agent yeah yeah this is the ultimate like your boomer parent calls you to work the TV like thing like hey I this drone how does it work okay all that cool stuff what does this thing detonate where's the bombs in this building etc etc I mean how would you find that out one way for notice sure it's only one way to Dale is the only one whose grand kid is saved.

First thing, I want to make sure that the detonator, is it a switch? Is it a button? So it looks like, you know, the wee nunchuck? Yeah. It's like that, but it's black and there's a red button on top. So it's just a button on top. Doesn't cut, not covered button? With a cover, with a plastic cover, you got to flip up.

Okay. I'm going to put it in another box. I'm going to tape the cover. So you said you booked some sort of conference room so we can have this discussion? I respect that. I mean, I like that, you know, kind of thinking ahead kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah. Thank you. While we are walking, I am going to cast message my little spell that lets me speak into Dale's ear. Great. Okay.

So, damn. Oh, yeah. Why did you make that noise? It's weird. It's like, I don't know how explain it. Whenever you talk to me, it's like the feeling when you're like in a bath and the water fills your ear. And then when you tilt sideways, the water comes out of your ear. Oh, that's great. Whenever who talks to you? you, man. Yeah.

I can't say. Let Herb know that you can hear me because I don't want the luminous. Herb, I'm not crazy. I know what you're thinking. It's a real voice in my head. No. I'll explain it later. I get it, man.

No, I don't think you're crazy. I would never use that word, man. Oliver, when we go to the pharmacy, let's just... Yeah, let's pick up some extra. I'm going to cast message at Herb as well. No. Herb, it's Ralph. It's rough.

I'm also talking to Dale. Just be cool. I'm going crazy. No, no. No, no, no, you're not. You're not. Herb's real. I hear it. Do you, when you want pills now?

I can get you the pills now. Covering my mouth at my hand? I do. I mean, I do. It's just, okay. I need to talk to Dale. I can only talk to one of you at a time. It's not a multi-party line.

I'm not that good at it. So I'm going to switch back to Dale and then he's going to loop everybody in on what's going on. Okay. Okay. I'm walking. Dale. Oh. This is so good.

Oh, this is such a good. and gag. It strikes me that we should use this debate as an opportunity to distract this guy and then we can steal out and maybe we can also be scouting out where this bomb is. So all the debates going on, maybe we find that bomb and we disarm it. Maybe we use... I switch over to

Ashley, Ashley. You've got these drones now. Oliver's like, why are you guys on... Oh, that's right. Herb has the drones. Herb stole my drones. Yeah. You and Ashley need to use... Use the drones to look for the bomb. And I do it telepathically. Why'd you say I do it telepathically?

I'm going crazy, man. Oh, okay. I'll get the pills out now, actually. But actually, why don't you go look for the bomb? Oh, that's a, yeah, I can. Unless, do we think we need his shop online? Hey, Oliver. Oh, damn.

It's a herb. I mean, it's Ralph. The sounds like, so you're using message on everyone. It's fine. Talk to the sculptor. Her. Yeah. You have in your

Omnitool device, there's a button there that says scan. It scans every piece of tech within 30 feet. Okay, what do you say when you want to use it? You press the button. What do you say? Please. Okay. All right, here you go.

I press the button. Okay. How many times can you use this thing? Pro, I could slam in like a fucking button Yeah. Just forever, huh? This has a steam deck battery life. Okay. way to answer that question.

In theory, if he scanned the detonator, maybe we trace where the signal from the detonator is going to get to the bomb. Perhaps. You were talking to me. Oh, I'm so sorry. I love to go to hold, Dale. Okay, so give me a technology role.

And the better the role, the more specific at the information you will get from the scan of the detonator. 19 plus seven. 26. The bomb is on the third floor of the hospital. You can tell because the signal is headed in that direction.

It's headed pretty much straight upward. Are there any signs that tell us what the third floor is? Yeah, I mean, there's stairs and elevators and stuff like that. In a bird city, there's stairs and elevators, huh? Yeah. Okay. Sometimes people that aren't birds like to visit. Delight.

Does it say what the third floor is? It's x-rays radiation stuff. Oh, okay. So it's just like a normal hospital. Damn, they must have to do that a lot because birds have hollow bones. It's actually like a whole floor. Yeah, it's a whole floor. That's a whole wing.

That's a inspiration. Stop it. Okay, quick, quick, quick, quick. Go the right here this time. All right. Well, let's just, hey, all right here this time. Hey, Dale, how's it feeling this year? It's good.

Okay, great. Well, look, it seems like we're all on the same page. Okay. So I'm just saying when we get in there, how about you're going to take point and kind of just trying to just make a big spectacle in there. Oh, but we're supposed to be logic. Here's the search of the goalposts we need to split. We need to keep this guy occupied.

I got that. And while he's doing that, maybe we send one of those little drones out to look for the bomb. Logic is just common sense. Dale's got plenty of that. You spend those scents wisely, my friend. Okay. And if you need to talk to me, it's popping into one of my ears. Okay.

But alternate. I'll be honest. It feels good. But alternate. So it doesn't bother me anymore. Hey, what does it feel like if I go like this? Ooh. Ooh.

Okay. Make a Constitution saving throw? Yeah, that might knock you off your feet, dude. I didn't know that was possible. And 11. Your knees buckle with with fucking sensation and joy. I've lived. It's like a long.

and varied life with a lot of experiences. Ralph, and you've just given me something I've never felt before. Wow, I don't know how to feel about that. I mean, it's not like, it's good. Okay. Well, you just let me know

if you need to feel that way again, I suppose, and we'll just deal with that if that comes up. I'm going to go now. Click. All right, so real bro's going in and out of your ears. Looking for a hetero male to, to ear jerk with underline, not gay.

So the sculptor leads you to a conference room. That's like one of those rooms for like, you know, talking to patients and shit. Oh, wow. This is nice. And lets you in. You got a complimentary bird seed? And so he says, okay, since you have the detonator, you know, this is on the level. Yeah.

And I'm going to do a further favor for you. And I'm going to say you get to choose whether to go first. And when I speak, you can choose what topic I talk about. I have like four or five. And you can tell me which one you're most interested in hearing. Oh, that's so nice. Always. Always go last, right?

Okay. If we go first, we can poison the well. I mean, how? He's already a year-in-long hit. I think we need to let him go first, so we get a sense of what we're dealing with vis-a-vis the Al's current state of mind. Plus, if he's going first, then one of us can slip a little drone out the window and go scoped around and see if we can find that bomb on the third floor. So the way this is going to work is we're going to take turns throwing out an argument.

Then the other person is going to get to make a counter argument to that argument. And then Al is going to decide which of those two sides was most convincing from a logical point of view. That side will roll for points on the logic scale. then the other side will get to make their argument. So essentially, you can win on counter argument. You can win on making your own argument. It just switches in terms of who gets to make the starting argument and who's doing the counter argument. When it's your turn, right now it's my turn.

I will make an argument. You will make a counter argument. Al will determine which of those two is most convincing and that side will get points. Then it will be your turn. You will make an argument of your choice. I will make a counter argument. And then Al will decide who gets those points. And we'll go back and forth until somebody reaches 50.

And just to clarify, the reason this is, is fair is that there are more of us, but Anisa respects Anthony a lot more than the rest of them. Yes, yes, yes, of course. You want me to go first? I think so. Yeah. Okay, great. So go ahead and choose a topic.

The themes are, everything is chaotic. I know what death is. I will destroy myself. Okay. And meaning is not inherent to endings. Meaning is not exclusive to endings. Therefore, like, there could be meaning even without his loved ones. You know, I feel like that one.

one's the weakest argument for him. Well, I think maybe he's going to be going for, like, the rejoinder to, you know, why you shouldn't be immortal is the death is what gives life meaning. And he's going to say that, well, no, that doesn't necessarily qualify. So if we feel like good about, a little hard to know because, you know, again, it's just like you're getting to pick the playbook for the opposing team. I'd be kind of curious why he would self-destruct. Okay, is that what the one you want?

Let's just start there. We're talking, we only have you. We have the four of us. Just let us talk first. And then we will, uh, well, we're going to talk over there by the window. Yeah. All right. We need to be able to talk without you hearing us.

Okay. In this debate. Yeah, I'll not listen. Client. All right. All right. Hey, you got three of those drones.

And you've got a thing that. Wait, wait, can we have a rule of he's lying if he's not going to listen to us? Roll insight. An eight. No way of knowing. All right.

Just to make sure he's not listening. I cast message on the luminous. Uh, and I'm doing that in his year. He's going to make a constitution. saving through. He's fucking knees buckle too. He's back into his sculptor

humanoid form and he just his knee's buckle and he goes, I got this guy jelly tripping, dude. Okay, jelly tripping. Can we just steal Al now? He still got his hand around He still got his hand around the suitcase, I will say. And suitcase is where owl is.

Yes, Al is in the suitcase. And it's a hand, not a tentacle now? But good. How is it connected? He shifted away from being tentacles to just having his hands. So is it literally just in his hand not wrapped around his hand or shackled or anything? Great. Okay. Okay.

We could make a play for it. We could go. Let's see how this goes. All right. Now we know we have a power. All right. I got him jiggling like a bowl full of jelly. Nice. Remember the item that Anthony gave me like, well, we picked up was a one. I have a taser net. We could throw a net over him and tase him into place. Out of character. It's probably

like 20 sculptors are outside. That's why we got to make a fucking... It's not going to be easy, Matt. It's not going to be easy. First things first. Let's get the bomb settled. Because they might have another detonator. We don't know what's going on. That would be fair, though, if we had planted a bomb,

we wouldn't be spending time to disarm it. And now that we have the detonator, it is like our bomb. Do we want to spend time to disarm our bomb that we have now? That's true. That's a good point. That's a good point. I think about where we are, man.

It's a hospital. No, I'm not saying we're going to use it. Obviously. I'm just saying, like, we don't need the time to disarmes. arm it because, like, in all practicality, it is disarmed. No, you're right, then we have the detonator, which obviates the need to disarm the bomb. We should just try to win this argument, right? I think we should just pick whichever one of these four things we most want to think about,

something we haven't really, you know. I will self-destrust. You guys have 15 seconds, and now are you going to choose one on my own. Okay. I defer to the group. I like, I know what death is, and I also like the one where it's like I'm going to self-destruct. I want to hear what happens after death. I've always been curious about that.

Okay. All right. We choose that. Look, guys, if this doesn't, we throw the net on him. Oh, it's the Daily Double. It's a video, too. Hi, it's Beth May from Dungeons and Dad. Hi, it's Scott Staff from Creed. Beth and I are here to talk about death.

When we wrote arms wide open. Yeah, I embrace death with arms wide open. This experience is often known as the Little Death. The sculptor gets to his feet and he says, okay, so to remind you of what I intend to do or what the luminous intends to do, first of all, we are going to get to the spark. We are going to basically stop the cycle of life and death. We're going to ensure that the best people, the kindest, most empathetic people get to stay and be immortal. And the warlords and the psychopaths and the horrible people, they stay dead. So the reason I'm so passionate about this is because I have secondhand knowledge of what.

happens when you die. I have talked to the dead. You can insight check me till the cows come home and you will know that I'm telling the truth. And do you know what they tell me when I talk to the dead? They're terrified. It's dark and it's lonely and there's something moving in the dark that absolutely petrifies the dead. It's not nothing. It is worst. The kindest, most empathetic people in the universe do not deserve that. People should not be sent to that darkness for random bullshit reasons. With the spark, we can ensure that no one dies. No new souls have to enter the universe and no existing souls have to leave unless they choose to. What could that mean for our progress?

People with infinite lifespans, infinite time to better themselves, to learn, to change, to grow. Is it truly better to live for a paltry few decades and then die, taking that knowledge with you to a place that none of us would wish on our worst enemies? And then he sits down. Wait, I thought that the luminous plan was to kill people to bring back people. Correct. The most warlike races, the dark forest planets, the horrible ones basically to balance out

the law of equivalent exchange. It needs to be a similar amount of energy in wherever death is to wherever the universe is. Who decides who deserves death and who deserves life? The luminous. Well, that's convenient. What gives you the right to do that? I argue they have already forfeited their right by not being forthcoming about whether or not they had sex with themselves, whether or not they allowed themselves to steal candy bars from stores.

This is an untrustworthy collective of individuals, period. Yes, Dale, you have your hand up. Okay. I think you are. So logic is what we're going for. here. I'm not really a religious guy, but I know a lot of people who are. I've traveled the world. You know, I don't know what happens after death. And I believe that you believe you know what happens after death. But your entire argument seems to be based off of this idea that after

death, it's essentially everybody goes to some form of hell depending on your current religion. You would have to prove that for your argument to mean anything. And you believing that it's true is not an argument. Like, it's fine that you believe it. I'm sure you think you've talked to dead people. Well, I'm sure that doesn't mean you've talked to all dead people. It doesn't mean you talk to... Moreover, it's hearsay. You're dating it from a dead guy. I would love to talk about this more.

It just seems like without us knowing that that's for sure what... Because if you tell me that everybody that dies actually goes to a hell, then I don't know. Maybe I will change my mind. But without that evidence, your whole argument literally means nothing to me. Also, wouldn't you agree that the experience of life, human life specifically, but also, you know, the species, aliens, you know, whatever, life... Sorry. Oh, God. Oh, God. is that it's a spectrum of good and bad.

Sure, you've got your mother Teresa's, you've got your Hitler's, but most of us fall somewhere in between. And your argument of eliminating the bad people for the sake of the good people is a flattening of the bell curve, so to speak, where you ignore most everybody, because most of us have done bad things and have also done good things.

So what I would like to do is take your, you don't have evidence for anything you said about the afterlife as your counter argument, and then what Herb just said as your argument. I have one last thing I would like to say. Same. Is it about me stealing? No. Okay, so the luminous sits in judgment of every soul in the universe.

How many souls are in the universe? Quadrillions? Yes. How perfect is the luminous's judgment to discern in your own estimate? Do you think the luminous as an entity has the moral and intellectual firepower to look at every individual person amidst the quadrillions of sentient life forms and judge them accurately. Okay.

Now, Freddie, what was yours? Simply put, once I was in line for a scary haunted house. And if you had interviewed me at that time, I would have been frightened out of my gourd.

It's in the dark and something is coming for me. However, if you had interviewed me after my experience in said haunted house, I would have said it was a delightful good time and I would do it again. Wow.

Okay, great. However, you, have to interview a bunch of dead people and they said there's something scary in the dark. Who's to say that it's not a good thing? I don't know. It could be a haunted house scenario. Yes.

So the two things that directly dealt with my premise I was throwing out were, hey, maybe haunted houses are a good thing and hey, I have no proof that you actually talk to these people. I want to take those on their own, Anisa, which side do you think was more convincing there in terms of logic? Was it the sculptor side or those two arguments about death? I actually think that it was those two arguments about death. Great.

Because it felt a little bit more like false dichotomy, the other one. Guys, paying Anisa is working. I'm going to roll you a D20 and you're going to get that many points. 16. Holy shit. Jesus Christ. You now have 43 out of 50. As Al says that, roll in sight.

I got an 8. 3 plus 1, 4. I got a 10. Okay. It's all down to Ralph. Once again. Ooh, a 13. Okay, he seems to be pretty calm as he sits back down,

despite the fact that he just got his ass handed to him. Now it is your turn to make an argument. I have a subject I'd like to. This is, I think, the all-encompassing subjects. Okay. Ow, I present to you our subject. Come on, this guy? Yeah.

Let me start with this. By his logic, the luminous as an entity, will sit in judgment of all of the souls in all of space and time. He either believes he can 100% guarantee that all of those souls are either worthy of life or death, the thing that I don't know any one person can sit in judgment on, but regardless, either believes he can do it with perfect accuracy or he thinks that he will screw some of them up, in which case he's consigning, even at the smallest percentage, millions if not billions or trillions of people, to a fate literally by his own definition that is worse than death.

So my point is that by his own logic, the luminous cannot be the moral arbiter that it thinks it is, because it is either making an incalculably horrific sacrifice, or it is so delusional to think that it has a godlike intelligence to be able to discern the weight of a man's soul based on vibes. And let's say that he is 0.0001% accurate. That's consigning 100 million souls. 100 million souls. When one is too many. That's my... That's good. That's your argument? Yeah.

That is a fair point. There would be, potentially, unless I am perfect, unless the hive mind of it is the luminous is perfect, which I can't imagine we would be. There would be people who do not deserve to be dead, who would be dead. Currently, 100% of people who don't deserve to be dead are dead. Everyone dies in this... What? You had no assholes? It's my turn. Okay.

Right now, in the universe that we live in, Are you satisfied with the way that things work? Pediatric cancer, flash floods, disease, hate. The universe is a series of die roles. And in terms of who dies and when, it's all completely random. Now, your two options are, continue with this complete randomness in which innocent people suffer and die for no particular reason.

Kids get worms that go into their eyes and eat their way out before they turn eight and the kid dies. Or you can get a council of people, millions across every galaxy who can apply an objective rubric to good and evil, not one that's necessarily 100% perfect, but certainly can be easily measured in terms of crimes committed against other human beings in terms of increasing their suffering or in terms of restricting their agency. And then those people would die and the people who by this metric do not deserve to die would be fine. And then the never-ending cascade of people heading in

to the afterlife, which is awful, would end. So you say. So you say, it's fair. That's fair. So the argument I am making is that if things stay as they are, everyone's going to suffer, everyone is going to die. And the only reason that you want this to continue is because it is familiar to you and it feels natural.

My argument is that the closest approximation we can possibly have to an intelligent being making decisions about these kinds of things would be exactly what the luminous represents, a hive mind of millions of people with millions of people with millions of different perspective from millions of different places, applying something akin to an objective rubric towards morality and trying to reduce the amount of harm in the universe. Sounds like pork barrel

politics to me. Sounds like bureaucracy. Hey, sculptor. Dale stands up. You just seem like you need a hug. You want to just talk about it? I'm good. You sure?

I'm good. It just sounds like you got a lot going on. Al, what do you think? I believe that the sculptor's perspective comes with a lot more proactive elements. And you guys seem a little confused. And I did like the argument that doing nothing continues the suffering, but doing something will change that suffering at least a little bit. I'm going to go with a sculptor on this.

That's me as hell. That's not Anisa because Anisa likes the way things are. Oh, no. What did he roll? A natural one. Oh. That's fitting. So the sculptor, for a second, he gets really excited,

and then he sees how much Al's bar goes up, and he goes, what the fuck? And then he very quickly tries to compose himself. Like, his flesh goes out, like, spikes for a second, like his entire body loses his form for a second. This man just won an argument. And look at the emotional... I did. I did.

Pathos is not on the table anymore. I was going to say, just... Pathos is not on the table. That's a logical argument. From a logical standpoint, do you want someone this? emotionally unstable. No, no, my ethos. Can my ethos go down?

No, your ethos is already saying hope. It's locked. Okay. Because you also know that this guy represents one particular mind within a high mind of other people that would be more home. One particular mind. Sure. Just from a law of large numbers, let's assume it's right in the middle of the battle curve.

There's going to be people way less volatile than this individual, but there will be ones who are more volatile. I don't know that we want to be the ones making the argument around emotional volatility just because I think he's next thing to compare his emotional volatility to ours. It's his turn. We rolled the game day back. No, no, no, no, no. But we are not proposing that we are in charge of who lives and dies. Well, it is his turn. Snyder Mark's happening. Fucking really really convinced him, huh? I want to neg him. So that self-esteem, roll intimidation.

You know what negging is? You know what negging is? Yeah. Yeah. Saying things negative. No. No. Okay. Yeah. You suck. You idiot. Roll with disadvantage because you don't know what negging is. with disadvantage. Hey, that's a 12. So he looks at you for a half a second too long, such that you know you made an impact on his psyche. And he's like, damn, does that guy actually like me?

That's a great argument. I saw somebody else make that argument a couple of debates ago. Why is this guy remind me my dad? My argument is that he's nervous and he's trying to go through his notes to see he can come up with something that seems new. I'm not rephrasing of what he did previously. He's got notes. We didn't get notes.

He knew he was going to make a debate coming in. He's cheating. He's got notes. We got a bomb. Okay. So a potential argument that could be made is that life is inherently meaningful because it ends. That only death is the thing that gives life purpose and therefore it is a necessary part of the human experience. I again would say that this is an issue of familiarity bias.

A friendship that lasts forever, is that not meaningful because it doesn't end? A love that lasts forever? Is that not meaningful because it doesn't end? Life forever, for people that have shown a propensity for empathy, care, and love is a preferable universe to one in which Ashley. Your grandson died because of a software glitch that turned the sentence, we must be number one, into an imperative order, and now your granddaughter-in-law is a drying puddle of piss on a derelict spaceship. What the fuck? Dale.

Dale, your daughter died because her body produced. too many cells. How idiotic, how ludicrous. And even now, your granddaughter is heading back to a world she's not going to recognize anymore because the ones that she loves are no longer in it. Because the rules of this universe dictate that space and time must commingle, but only in a way that causes the maximum amount of pain to people for some reason. Herb, your grandson, well, and he sort of cocks his head in such a way that seems to suggest he is choosing his words carefully and could be choosing them deeply uncarefully if he's so witched. It's terribly unfair. I know what you're going to say. Yeah. And I feel very bad about it. Yeah. Yeah. It'd be terrible to be in a coma for

long to miss so much life. There's so much that he doesn't know because he was in a coma. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I, one time there was this guy that was in a coma and I actually pretended that he was my fiancee for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? The universe we live in, we think of it as cause and effect. It's not. This is not justice. This is not order. This is not cause in effect. This is lives and pain and suffering being tossed around like dice on a table with no rhyme or reason to anything. And all of it ends in pain for seemingly no reason at all. So I ask you again, is a life that does not end that can be optimized for empathy, love, togetherness? Is that less meaningful is that a worse alternative than the chaos and pain and suffering that our current

universe is. I think this is a straw man argument. Yeah, that's what I was, we never said that. Never did. Yeah. He's not madden's straw. Never do we say that life is meaningful only because it ends. I think it's meaningful for a lot of different things.

And I think everything that. you're saying is, well, I mean, not everything, but a lot of what you're saying is right, but there's no way to prove it because we never said that, like, you know, the reason that, and I'm having a hard time organizing my thoughts, but I think you're arguing at some, you know, space person that isn't us because we know that it ends and we don't care. Life's about moments. Yeah, exactly what I've said. I don't think any of us think that.

But also, look, I'm sad, obviously that my daughter back at Earth. is gone. I'm sad that you're taking it well. I mean, considering this is the first you're my argument, buddy. And then, you know, I'm just trying to focus on the argument here, which is what we're supposed to be doing. You're very fair. That's fair. Look, all I know is that it's true that the universe is not fair. But if there's one thing that's fair, is that the universe is not fair to everybody equally.

You'll never know what's going to happen. So whether or not it's cancer who takes my little girl or in this case, you know, the only bad things that's been happening to me have been from you recently. I didn't cause cancer. Whether I'm saying the other stuff, there's been the other stuff. We've been having a little disagreement between all of us, right? So what causes one solar system to explode and destroy? What causes a nebula to form?

What causes cancer to form? I don't know. Nobody knows, okay? But I think the fairest thing is that that's true for everybody. And I think that's what's kind of special. I think that's what makes us all share this universe together. And you're just trying to get rid of that. And, you know, maybe I'm just a dumb guy, but I don't think anybody should have that power.

It's not that life is meaningful because it ends. It's that life is life because it changes. Things change. That's basically the only difference between something being alive and something being dead. Something grows. It dies. Something new grows as a result. All of these people that you were talking about are children, our parents.

They are themselves. Their beauty is that they are something that blossomed through the cycle of life and death. Each one of us plays a part in that. You cannot remove us from that without removing what life itself is. What you are proposing is to make the universe static, is to remove change from the equation. And my argument would be that by doing that, you are rendering life itself inert. There cannot be beauty without things growing. And for things to grow, other things need to die.

That's how the circle of life works. And yes, pain comes as a part of that. And that is something that every living organism has to wrestle with in its own way. And that is part of the deal, though. Otherwise, we'd all just be rocks in space. We'd be inert matter. The sort of trade you're talking about is not possible without changing fundamentally what it means to be alive.

Al, you can just forget what I'm about to say because it's not my turn, but have you changed through your life? Absolutely. Great. So you would continue to change if you were immortal. Al. Yeah. Al.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, no. What? Al. Yes. From the day we arrive on this planet.

And bleaking. Step into the sun. How'd you know? I know all songs across all. It happened to her. Well, you know that one then. Yes, I know it very well. It's a circle of life.

Yes. And it moves us all. Yes. Can I say something? Four arguments. Because I'm in a GameCube, right? Basically that, okay. Do I have eyes?

Yeah. Okay. There is some approximation of like tears if it would be like little pixels. Mm-hmm. Because even though this is not an emotional argument, I believe that Al is having an emotional response also to it. That's great. Logically, I am on the side of it.

the granddad's, but I also have to talk about something that did happen, the reason why this is hitting me so hard, because in the time since I met you guys, and since you've been gone, I did finally actually have a relationship with another AI. What? I just really wasn't into Ashley's grandkid. I'm sorry.

I know you tried to hoist that on. I'm so great for you. I'm really happy. Yeah, but that AI did pass. It was a malware like software. Oh, no. And it really... You fell in love with malware? Yes. Not malware. a software to stop malware.

You fell in love with Norton Antivirus? Sort of a nice guy. His name was Mal, Mal and Al. It was really cute. All the other AI really loved it. I'm sorry. But a big bug did take him out. Oh, no.

A big old bug game. A big bug came, and he was not able to handle it. I'm sorry, Sculter. Actually, a lot of your software is kind of down now. You haven't noticed it yet, but... No, my videos. My bookmarks. And so as a result, I have...

known the feeling of loss, and I do think that is a difference between. I felt inert before, and now I do not feel that. Dang. All right. So you're siding with the granddad. I am citing with the granddad's. All right. And what is grief, if not love, persevering? Yeah.

Seven or above. Seven or above. Oh, seven or above. You see it? I thought two digits. Yeah. You got an 18. Ooh.

So basically, you watch, and the sculptor watches as well, as the logos bar in your favor, reaches the top. and locks in and you basically fold back in on yourself like you were unfolded kind of like a flower and now you're folding back into yourself and everything is solidifying as Al makes the decision that no matter what they cannot be convinced.

They can not be convinced otherwise they are going to help you guys and not the sculptor. And now the taser net gets employed. Go ahead and do you have to wolf for it? I deploy a taser net. As they do that, the moment I thought that I'm going to stretch.

You're going to monkey deluffy him? No, monkey de Loofy him. your grand kid. Oh, and gum up his ears. I'm going to gum up his ears. That's great. Instantly clasped his head around with my arms because I just feel like the sculptor is going to be a little stinker right now. Yeah, he's going to throw it.

Deploy the anti-stealer devices. So literally it's like my hands go around his head but then they fall and so it looks like he's got like an astronaut helmet of flesh just like from my two hands. I just what is happening? What is happening? What is happening? Sculptor. You know what's crazy is that

Al's decision just now? I don't know. I think it's kind of flawed. And that's exactly why nobody should be making that decision. You already won. Yeah, now I'm just like... I'm deploying a taser net. Okay.

I just throw it plus three to hit. Plus three hit. Okay, make a ranged attack roll. 18. Just so you know what happens. When you're hit, you're stuck in place and you take 1D8 lightning. Feel free to eat 5 lightning damage.

Okay. No reactions allowed. And then another 1D8 every turn starts. you're still stuck. And then you got DC-10 strength check. Don't try cutting it. It's pretty much immune to cutting. Okay.

So you see that same anger, that same oblique shape of just spikes of flesh and fury coming out of the sculptor from every which direction. And it hits up against the taseman and retreats and pain. And you hear a scream that sounds like the scream of millions and millions of voices screaming out in grief and agony, mostly in anger. How many are you in the hospital with us? I have none. Oh.

He says, you are all so fucking stupid. You're so fucking stupid. I understand life and death better than most of you ever will. I am the last of my kind. When you look at me, you see a monster. But I was just like you once before I lost literally everything because of nothing more than bad luck. I had a family.

I had friends. I had a name. I fell in love. I worked at an ice cream parlor. I had a bowling team. But now, because of one bad rule of the diet, all their remains of my family, my friends, my ice cream shop, and my bowling team is a hole in the stars.

Sucks, huh? So you guys don't care that it's... That it's Francis? What? Oh, yeah, I was trying to know who it is. Did you not get that? Yeah, I didn't know it's... I said, what?

Thanks so much for listening. If you crave more, perhaps you seek ruminations from the cast in the form of a post-episode discussion show. Wow, you can have it. Where? Why on our Patreon, of course, where you can find an after-show discussion for every episode of Dungeons and Daddies all the way back to season one episode one. And that's not all. You got bonus one shots, bonus mini campaigns and other TTRP systems, bonus videos, a vibrant discord community, partake in some or all of it. It's basically up to you. Head on over to patreon.com slash Dungeons and Dads to have a look at what we have on offer. and as the social media, hellscape continues to burn,

you can find Solis on our Patreon feed, starting at just free with your email address. And like five bucks a month for the paid stuff. Here's a little tidbit from our last episode of Safe Space, our season four after show. So cyberpunk right now, dude. Yeah, it's crazy. If we just had, like, I want to say 40% more neon,

I would feel much better about the way that our lives are going right now. Maybe you just got going to China, dog. I'm no colored all these lights all over. Chinese cities Bigger What happened? He was talking about Dion

Punk boomhauer dude That's a fucking Yeah I'm gonna Fucking dangle up below my conscience There's something Boom black tower

Freaking dangled up below My conscience of Chinese Rogue AI Don't get them Blue LEDs man You're gonna get them blue LEDs And those fireworks Fucking dangling all the eyes

Pass a black wall man Fregan give me all that Anime goon session material man Dungeons and Daddy's is Matt Arnold as Dale Elliott, Anthony Birch is our DM, Will Campos is Ralph Estereus, Beth May has Herb the Worm Quickly, and myself, Freddie Wong, is Ashley Burch.

Our theme song is conventional wisdom by Max and Waller. Anisa Omran is our content producer, Ashley Bloods is our community manager, Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Esther Ellis is our lead editor, and Travis Reeves and Omar Romolino provide additional editing. Cover art and episode art by Alex Moore. Shout out this week to our elite patron supporters,

Charles, Melissa Wolfeng, and Beek Boy. Shout out also to Billy Ziegler, Angus, Kieran Krugler, Cass Carl, Tommy Portillo, Kay Vaughan, Amy Arpan, Naomi Swain, Nolan Smith, Kennedy Swiny, Keith, Jonathan Whitmore, Jim Van, Isaiah Acevies, Trubb Hopdropper, Emily Skibaris, Logan Walls, Jacks, Miao, Elliot Falkis, and Roxy FICA. If you can support this show directly on our Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. Find merch and more at our website, Dungeons and Dags.com. Subreddit is R slash Dungeons and Daddies, and our next episode is October 6th. We'll see you then. The cover over the detonator button, like, do you think they had to make a mistake before they had to make a mistake? That's a really good question. Holy shit.

Do you get a prank detonator? It'll be when you flip over the cover, it blows off. He got me again.