Dungeons and Daddies - S4 Ep. 5 - Hope Bloats

Episode Date: April 7, 2026

jeeves how to deal with turncoat granddaughter and also where are pillsThis episode contains Profanity, Violence, and Sexual Content. Tickets are now on sale for Beth Wants the D going up at Dynasty Typerwriter in LA on April 29th - physically AND virtually. The livestream will be available on VOD for 7 days, so you can laugh and cry over this show from basically anywhere. Purchase tickets below:https://www.squadup.com/events/beth-wants-the-dSupport the show on Patreon!Get merch and more at our website!Follow us on Bluesky @dungeonsanddads!Check out the subreddit!DM is Anthony BurchDale Elliot is Matt Arnold Ralph Estarellas is Will CamposHerb “The Worm” Quiggly is Beth May Ashley Birch is Freddie Wong Theme song is “Conventional Wisdom” by Maxton WallerAnnissa Omran is our Content ProducerAshley Blood is our Community ManagerKortney Terry is our Community CoordinatorEster Ellis is our Lead EditorTravis Reaves and Omar Romolino provide Additional EditingCover art and episode art by Alex Moore (@notanotheralex)Get in contact: https://www.dungeonsanddaddies.com/contactThe story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this production are fictitious. No identification with actual persons (living or deceased), places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dungeons and Daddy's is a rowdy, horny, violent podcasts were grown-ups. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. So listen, we was heading out from McFad and Gate to the No Zone to find my granddaughter, Lila, four of us on our stolen spaceship. Didn't see the first sharks for about three seconds, space sharks, 13-footers. So we waved to them, said hello. And the idea was the sharks would help us cover the ship in scrapping and wreckage and we would start sneaking and creeping and crawling across the no zone and the sharks would be on their way. You are listening to a free trial of ambient fishing boat noises all you want.

But they didn't go away. Those space sharks, they look right into you. Right into your eyes. You know the thing about a space shark is God. Got big cute eyes, like a puppy's eyes when he comes out of your tail wagging, begging for scraps. And, uh, huh? Hey, Dale. What's up, Dale? Oh, hey, Scrab. A wreckage. I'm just making a little audio diary about meeting you, too.

Oh, that's nice. Oh. Grandpa, I told you we just escaped an IBS capital ship. We're running silent. No talking. Oh, sorry, Lila. Sorry. Yeah, I bet Lila. I hate you two. Oh, what do you? We like you so much. That's so sad and unfair.

Anyway, we found Lila in where she's doing great. And, uh, a scrap, hey, record, you want to... A little song. Show me the way to go. I'm tired and I want to go to bed. I had a little drink about an hour ago. And I went right to my head. Bound, bong, bode.

Oh, man, okay. I got to sleep. Welcome to Dungeons and Daddies, or perhaps we should say Grand Paws and Galaxy. Bebe-Bee-Bee-Boo! Space sounds. Oh, I like that. Space sounds. French Horn. How come they don't ever do that? French Horn. French Horn is the most spacey of all the grass instruments. I will point out, Matt came up with a very good alternative subtitle. What is? Dementia 20.

Dementia 20. That's harsh. Oh, that's sad. I don't know about that. That's sad. No, it's Grand Pazes and Galaxies, a grand space popper about four gilfs who take to the stars to rescue their grandkids, they won't be kids for much longer. And perhaps the entire known universe in the process, this is D&D 5E in the dark matter system. And I'm Freddie Wong. I play Ashley Birch.

Wait, Freddie, you do raise a good question, which is when your grandkids become like adults, do they become like grandmen and women? Always your kids. It's like your kids, always your baby. I just think it would be like, that's my grandman. That's my grandman. That's my grandman. That's my grandman.

My grand boy turned to a grandman today. My grand boy. Ashley Birch Grandboy That'll be the new god of war Grandboy Grandboy Do Grandpa Kratos

Can you fucking imagine How hard that would it I'd have to quit Go back to writing those Grand Boy On it Anthony Grandboy Oh you could command two

What if it's a nested system Where you yell at your son And then your son yells at his son It's called passing on the cycle of abuse No that's gonna hit so hard Because it's gonna be like Cretus is fucking like You have to be meaner to your son Atreus

And Atreys is like Dad I'm doing it different than you did fucking take that generational fucking shit to the next level. Dude, turns out that bad guy is actually your son is count. Boy, I don't like you

my grandboy calls me Gigi. Call me Cretos. Dude, I am Cretos. Oh, dude, when you open up the level, like the level tree, it's like,

what the hell? Atreus, why is grandboy upgrading his stealth? I don't want him to be stealth. Atreys is like, I have to update

those levels. I let him choose his own way he wants to be in the world I got to walk my own path. The next thing he's got to work you're going to have

three skill trees is going to be like husband, father-grandfather. The three types of man. Ashley Birch, born in 64, which makes him the youngest boomer. Twin Galaxies era, arcade

pro gamer turned Twitch streamer. Speaking of Twitch Streams, as we've established Ashley's streams Eve Online and the greatest Is he Goonsorm, dude? No, he's has his own thing going, baby. Ashley's... He solos Eve online.

What Ashley has, a little thing, for those of you in the know, will know, the Victoria luxury yacht only granted to the players active on the winning server during the Fanfest 2015 Worlds Collide Eve Online event. He picked the winning server, let's just say, and he's been coveting this precious ship the whole time. Never flown. Have blueprints, never flown. What did, that's the saddest. That's the Erist Hemingway Eve Online review. What did Ashley think about that Gambit where there were two shipyards and they put all of their defenses around

the shipyard that had nothing in it so that they ignored. the one that had the like battle cruiser in it oh so you missed his 12-part series where he broke down the event on youtube but he has the youtube you know uploading the clips from the vods yeah i just want to say to all my goonsworm people out there that i tried to get you guys into the canon of the show so and freddie you turned me down so also sorry to goonsworm that gooning now means something very specific yeah tough blow guys hi everybody my name is matthew honor i played dale elliot the once world cruise-loving ex-life card, now monk of the stars. Widow of one.

Monk of the stars. Who does Gweth go to when she needs to consider the universe? Widow of one, father, four, grandfather, seven, in front to all. Little fact about Dale is, since we're going to, I think, be talking to Lila and we did the birthday presents, just a little thing. Dale is the coolest grandpa because Dale always buys every single grand kid he sees if you happen to see the one of the birthday, the latest console. doesn't matter what or why or how or do they have it?

Because he got burned a few too many times by trying to buy games for the wrong console. So say he just goes to store. It goes, what's the latest one? How did Dale whether? Just give you the latest Nintendo and I'll give it to them. How did Dale whether? I know the Xbox Series XS crisis. If you don't ask for the name of the console and you just say,

give me the latest one, they will give you the latest one. That was Microsoft's the sake. They should have called the Xbox series X to the latest one. The latest one who has gone. So it's always the most expensive and the latest because they'll see a sap when they come into that best buy. Yeah, it was a sucker more than every minute. Really, the ROG ASUS, 1,200, that's the latest one.

The ROG ASUS. The ROG ASUS. Xbox edition? It's $1,200. That seems like a lot, sir. The ROG. This is the latest one. It's okay.

Fucking ROG stands for a Republic of gamers, dude. Luding, bro, for those who dare, dude. Those who dare, dude. I remember reading Plato's the Republic of gamers. Hi, everyone. I'm Will Campos and I play Ralph, the Worm, Estereus. No. just keep me on your toes

That looked like to think 2% genuinely sad Yeah No he's not He's a sci-fi scribe slash wife guy Who's wife died Slash Sorcerer Radiation Freak And Master of the Worm And the Worm

Ralph's arch nemesis His arch rival He and Cookie obviously Like they've been sweethearts For forever But before Ralph There was Cookie's high school boyfriend Who is now

You ready for this The editor of Teen Sourourour Excepts. Whoa, whoa. Wait, the five single finger and feet landed them at a publisher where her high school boyfriend. You know they were having an affair. I'm sorry to tell you she wasn't your wife anymore.

Harold Harry Hougabum was their editor at the publisher and was always like... Triple H. And fucking, yeah, triple H. Harold Harry Hboom. And was always given notes about how they should like tone down the bug stuff. It seemed like he was just laser focused on trying to drive a wedge. Are you sure he wasn't telling your wife to tone down the butt stuff? but Ralph loves the bugs

Exactly Exactly He's trying to push Ralph out of his own franchise Yeah so Ralph's always like I gotta be cool I can't be weird You know I don't want to make this worse But you know he was very He always joked with his beloved cookie

Because he always figured he was gonna die first Ironically And he was always like mark my words cookie That Harold once I'm gone he's gonna swoop And she's like he already did Real question Just just will hear Lori drop

Did she? Absolutely not Well, does it know yet? Don't tell them. Hoagaboo! Hi, my name's Beth May, and I play Herb the Warm Quigley, a young at heart barbarian storytelling grandpa who is losing the plot. Herb's arch nemesis is his planter fasciitis.

Talk about the agony of defeat. Wow. A double tap. That's not my fact. I was just being silly. Herb's first job was working at a fast food joint called the iceberger, which was known for giving. Coldest burgers in town. No. Extra iceberg lettuce.

When you ordered the burger, they would just show you a little bit and then hold on to it for an extra five minutes so that you were really hungry. And then they revealed that the burger is actually way bigger than you thought it was going to be. A gimmick that works once. No, Herb would do it every single time. There's not enough napkins for this burger. Not enough by half. It was his job to show briefly the burger. He would have been okay if he just ran straight into the burger.

The problems that he kind of scraped along the side of the burger. Wow. And a best fact, you're listening to this on April 7th. But on April 29th, which is Will Campos's birthday. True. I am doing a performance of my solo show, Beth Wants the D, at Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles. Oh, you don't live in Los Angeles? That's okay.

You can buy a virtual ticket and watch it live or on demand. So I will maybe record a pickup with more details later or just put something in the details of this episode. All of my friends will be going to that instead of doing the thing I wanted to do. for my birthday. So have fun, everybody. What did you want to do? It's too late. You wanted to go to my show. Hi, I'm Anthony Burch. I'm your granddaddy master.

Hey, Anthony. This week's epigramph is, there is no crime in detecting and destroying in wartime, the spy and the informer. They have destroyed without trial. I have paid them back in their own coin. That is by Michael Collins, Irish resistance leader or terrorist, depending on who you ask, I guess.

I loved that. movie with Liam Neeson. When we last left you, Lila, who, when you left initially and went into, you know, lights beat or whatever. Yeah. Lila was working for presumably the IBS. But when she came to rescue you, you learned that she is no longer working for the IBS. And not only that, you learned that she is willing to shoot a fish man who is presumably one of her partners

because in her words, he had an implant that would allow them to track you. and she didn't have time to extract it. I have an implant that'll love people track me. What? What? You're okay, Beth? No, I was just like... What?

No, I was just like... God. Go ahead. No elaboration, Beth. That's it. It was a boob job joke. I'm sorry. Oh, I get it.

Do they track the way? Yeah, do they track the... Oh, yeah, they put little... I'm sorry. I don't actually interrogate every... Chipped like a dog? I haven't had a boob job, which is fine if I did. We're not interrogate every single bit you guys make that.

I don't understand. I was genuinely curious. I wish you would. Sometimes I wish you would. What do you want? What do you want? Do you want us to ask about your day or not? Do you want us to follow up with you?

What do you want, Beth? I just want you to laugh and move on. But doctor, I am Beth May. Okay, so. What is that mean? Pagliacci. You're Pagliachiachi. Yeah, like the pizza place.

Yeah, the pizza place. Okay, so Lila was being cool as fuck. Lila's cool as fuck. She killed this fish man who rescued you from the IBS headquarters, or the capital ship, rather, to prevent him from... This guy would be a bad spy because, like, he's going to forget his spy stuff, like six seconds later. She's straight up, she's just like living army of shadows right now is what's happened. Yeah, basically.

You all are flying away from the 420 blazes, and a litany of alarms and warnings acclude the entirety of Lila's view screen. And she says, time to run silent guys. Everybody, hold your breath. and she jams down on the throttle, waits a moment, and then turns a key, and all the lights in the ship go out, and you all start to float in your seats.

Everybody give me a con save. Oh, wow. This is just like that fair ride that's not very safe. 18 on my con. So the one in 400 blows where they go spinning around? Yeah, it spins. Dude, I feel just like Katie Perry up in space right now. Yeah.

20. Roll the dice. Punch the keys. I got a 10. Oh, no, I got a natural one. Ooh. All right, so Herb and Ralph, you're going to conk your head on the ceiling. Oh, fairly lightly, but hard for somebody of your age.

So both of you take a D6 of damage, please. Jesus. It's on the head. I thought the hip is the worst for... Oh, yeah, that's true. It's always the worst. Heads where you keep your memories and your thoughts. You, you, you head.

See, at what point... Three damage. Head is you, you head. Fucking... Got to write that one down to. René Descartes card over here. Head is you, you, you head. Head is you, you head.

Cogito ergo sum, that's what that means. I got three damage as well. Son of a bitch. Ow! So then Ashley and Dale are just fucking... We're just floating in spaces and joined. Whoa. It's quite nice.

Take a load off. Hey, take a load off. Yeah. Look at your grandpa. She's holding her breath. Why are you holding your breath? She holds up one finger. As you say that, why are you holding your breath?

You feel yourself begin to get really out of breath because she also turned off the life support. Oh. Oh, there's plenty of residual oxygen, Lila. She brings up a finger and then she turns the key a little bit like, you're just turning on the battery in your car kind of thing. And she turns on the oxygen, if not the gravity. She goes, okay, sorry. Go ahead. What are we talking about?

Oh. Hey, it's really good to see you. Yeah, Lila did they come here. Oh, I missed you so much. Why did you turn off the oxygen in the first place? Because the more silent you can run, the less chance that they'll get a lock on us. So should we shut up? Yeah, shut up so I can tell me everything.

What's been going on? Okay. What's been going on with you? Besides, you killed that fish guy. Yes. But hey, who am I to judge? Tell me what's been going on with you. Man, a lot.

So I was, oh, sure. And she, like, pulls herself into a chair and begins to lift out until she, like, buckles her seatbelt. And she says, yeah. Actually, I was going to ask what was going on with you and how mom was doing. Yeah, that's what I realized. Yeah, you don't even know how mom's doing. I don't know how mom's doing.

Oh, my God. It's been, I mean, I don't know how the time thing. Has it only been a few days for her, too? No, it's been 10 years for her. in 10 years. Oh my God. All my kids, 10 years older. You know, I never thought I'd live to see them that long, so I guess they'll be cool when I get back. I'm sure she's doing great, though.

Your mom's always doing great. Yeah. She probably misses you a lot. I miss her. Yeah, oh, that's good. Of course you do. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Anyway, whatever to do that. Ten years. First of all, look, presents. Every birthday. We said at the end of the last episode that you left the presents behind because she murdered

the fishman. Oh, no. I left them. I regret that decision already. Because I don't know enough of what's going on, so, you know, I assume the best. Dale, maybe your presence is a present. Hey. I've tried that one before, but that doesn't work for a lily beat over here. She wants a present. No, it's her birthday.

She wants a present. Am I a little bit bummed? I don't have a present that you obviously have? Yes, yes, I am a little bummed. But no, it's fine. It's not a big deal. I am. Okay.

But it's the good kind. Always, hey, any trouble is the good kind of trouble. That's my man. That's my fucking man. That's why you took me to the goddamn convention in the first way. Heck, yeah. Which, by the way, is a good thing. Don't bum yourself out.

Oh, I wasn't bummed. I mean, it's pretty crazy. You know, your mom is going to be mad. Oh, your mom's going to be extra mad about it now. Yeah, I mean, I hope. I guess in terms of the argument, I definitely lost that one. When I finally come back, it'll definitely be my bad. She's at 10 years to perfect her argument.

Yeah, you know, some of my kids, but Aaron, time doesn't heal wounds with her. She gets angrier. So 10 years later, yeah, she's going to be angrier. like the Benjamin button of emotions. I mean, I don't mean to bum anybody out, but by the time we get everybody, it's, she's going to be, you can be our age. Oh. Oh, God.

It's going to be 50 years before the next teen sex book comes out. Don't forget. Don't forget. It's okay. It's okay. Yeah, your fans are going to be one and more. Oh, no. Okay.

This is, let's just stay one thing at a time. And we make sure that book is worth waiting for. Oh, no. Yeah, wins of winter. Wins of winter. Wins of winter. That still has to come out. I know.

It's only been a couple days since you saw me. That's true. That's true. Just let you know. I bet by this point, surely it's come out. Surely. It's come out. Surely.

Okay. So you said you're in trouble. It's a good kind. Yeah. So, okay. So when I got taken away, the IDS took us all the way. Okay. And they basically slated me, of course, for a sort of leadership positions for the general.

Just like in the Fermi period. Yeah. I was a general. And so, yeah, I was helping them fight against the luminous for a while. But it was like easy. Like they have a lot of resources. and they're kind of everywhere, and you know, like, where to go and what to do. Like, anybody who, like, knows about warfare, if you watched, you know, a documentary or read anything,

it's, like, pretty straightforward. These guys don't get it because they never went to war. So I was just kind of bored, so I decided to jump ship and join the Luminous. I'm with them now, and I think it'll probably be more fun because it's a little bit underdoggy. So you're helping the underdogs? Yeah. Is this a game? What do you mean?

Like, the video, like, this is the video game you're playing. No, this is, I guess. I mean, the situation that we're in is very like the video game. Because it turns out that video game was a recruitment tool for the IBS to find people who would be good at fighting. Like America's Army. Yeah, like America's Army. And full spectrum warrior. Remember that one?

Yeah. And also, weirdly enough, Soldier of Fortune. So. Also, call of duty, but they're not as obvious about it. So I think they're more obvious about it. Yeah. We're going to have to cut all that. That's too spicy.

It's spicy. Simply too spicy. If you want to hear takes like that, just tune into the gamer stack on our Patreon. So, Lila, uh, Grams here. Honestly, I came originally to come and take you home because you were a kid. Yes. I'm kind of trying to figure out where I fit in here. I want to be here for you.

Well, it's actually, I think your mom would like you to come home. But honestly, I actually probably don't know what she's feeling 10 years from this as happening. Yeah. I've been on cruises for a while, but never 10 years. So you actually showed up at the perfect time. Great. I would love to help it in. Oh, great.

What about us? Yeah, all of you. Oh, great. Convenient. I was just about to go meet with some amoeboid tech smugglers and I need back. Amibos. Amibo. Amiboid, like an amoeba, but like kind of the size of a person.

Boys? I know they, they're genderless. But why are we called boys then? Ami boyd. With a D. A me boyd. Oh, like the noid. Do you remember that?

I think she means like a humanoid. Humanoid. You know, we're humanoid. A meboid. Okay, a meboid? Yes. There's a couple of meboid tech smugglers, and I need backup that I can trust to make the exchange. And you guys haven't been here long enough to actually become a spy. We've had a big spy problem in my particular chapter of the luminous.

Is that why you killed that fish guy? Yeah, one of the reasons. So you're having a problem with people always not being on the side that they say they're on? Correct, exactly. Why don't you all get along then? Oh, that'd be good. What do you mean? Like, we all ally around the fact that none of us have any loyalty?

I think that's beautiful, yeah. That's an interesting thing to say. Roll persuasion. What if you were like a sort of Republic of gamers? Seven. Seven. She goes, no, that seems like a Metal Gear solid thing that doesn't actually work in reality, like an outer heaven thing.

Big Boss's Dream didn't work out. You'd know if you played the game. You'd love it. Anyway, yeah. So you need us to... Basically be backup bodyguards. I've got, you know... It doesn't seem like that.

I mean, I'll do whatever you need. You know, I'm... I mean, I heard you guys. But, like, we're not. Ten years ago, you guys fought your way out of McFadden Gate. So, like, you're pretty good, right? Yes. Well, it's been ten years, so maybe we're not as sharp as we used to.

I know it's only been, like, a couple days for you. Are we, a little young lady. A quick bathroom break? Yeah. We're a little bit. Old heads all. Okay, well, the toilet, the ship is so small that the toilet is right there, and she says, and she just points out a toilet. There is no other room in this.

Do you got four tubes? Four sucking tubes. What? Sorry. Is your part? This is something you would know if you were. Oh, for zero g. No,

I usually just turn the life support on if I'm going to shit. Oh. Which I will now do. She turns out the gravity as well and everybody goes. Okay, great. Okay. I don't want you using my tube. No,

is there a place on this ship to have a private conversation? I mean, I can like not listen to you. You know what? Anything we say we can say to the. All right. I'll shoot my shot then. I don't want to do this. Okay.

Oh, that's fine. What, young lady, your grandfather came across space and time to make sure you're okay. And now you want to use them as some sort of meat shield to perform some sort of dirty deed. I don't know. That's not what I said. Thank you, Grandpa. You have no moral standing in. You just got, you switched eyes because you're bored.

I didn't say any of that. Why are you coming after Lila? Yeah, thank you, grandpa. She said she's just doing this because she's bored. There's lives at stake. That's a reason. Yeah. That's the best reason to not do something because you're born.

I just be that as it may. I, you know, you don't have to come. You can stay in the ship, whatever. You could she, okay. I was going to ask her something, maybe this will excite you a little bit. Because I was thinking, I was thinking, because here, we're all in this together,

and she's smart. Whatever you want to say about her, she's smart. Maybe not book smart, maybe not great. No, I'm those two. I thank you. Yeah, but yeah, she,

when she applies herself, so here's the thing. Here's what I was thinking, Lila. I would, again, as always, I'll do anything for you, okay? I said that, ever, ever since you were a little care,

I said, I'll do anything for you. However, there's something that you could help us with. Yeah? Because you know how you age 10 years? I did. We just happened to choose you first. We haven't gone to any other grandkids. Oh, wow.

Do you know anything about our other kids? What about the rest of your team? The Daxers or the Dippers? Do you know, have you kept up with them? But there's got to be a way not to take 10 years to get to the other kids. Yes. That's what I would like to focus our energy on. If you'll help us.

If we help you, maybe. Right. That's why I was thinking, guys like. Ashley holds up a piece of paper and a pen and folds the piece of paper and pushes the pen. Okay. So you're doing an event. horizon. That's what this is. He's got the right idea. Is there the way to fold the

space time continuum? I mean, if there were well, I mean, maybe, actually you know what, maybe. I mean, the guy, you know who would know. The kind of people would know something like that are like the amoeboid. Are you just heading that side? We already said we're going to do. You don't have to trick us. Well, one of you doesn't want to do it. I mean, no. But honestly, no, I mean, I guess I am trying to

make you do this thing. But also, I genuinely don't think that's a thing. But it's also, there's a lot of black market tech going around. Who knows what the IBS is working on. There was even classified stuff when I was there. So, like, it's, it's possible that there's a space folder thing. Space folder where you keep your space files. Cool. One more question. Yes. Well, no, I have a lot because it's been 10 years, but do you want to go home?

No, right now. I want to kind of finish the fight first, you know, Halo style. And then I can come back. Just five more minutes, she says. Exactly. Exactly. This guy gets it. You don't, you don't really care how your mom's doing? I mean, I do. But I do. But I, I also know that however I feel about her now, it's kind of not going to matter because 10 years will have passed from the time I go back. If I started going back to her right now, she'd be 10 years older. Unless we find the space folder thing. Yes, unless the space folder exists.

I said it maybe exists. I don't know. But if you thought of it, it's kind of exists. I believe you can't think of something that doesn't exist because how can you have thought of it? I don't know. I used to. How could you have thought of it? It must exist.

You can think of the concept of something. How would human exist? I mean, but people... Yeah, how did the wheel come about it? They didn't know about wheels? Spaceships themselves are... What about wheels? What about wheels?

What about wheel rocks? The wheels exist. Yeah, but what they did? No, I'm with your granddaughter on this. Someone had to come up with you. Yeah, now he's on my side. Someone had to conceive of the idea of a wheel before the wheel is a winning. Are you, sir?

Are you saying there's no wheels before we discovered the wheels? I... As anywhere in the universe, you're saying, there is no wheels. That's a... So you're your suggestion. As Journey once. Spider-Man. Spider-Man, same thing. As Journey once said,

Wheel in the sky keeps on turning. That was before wheels. That's before wheels. What you're proposing is a sort of young-in, collective unconscious, maybe like there's a sort of quantum state that we're all attuned to and that everything that could exist.

When you're out on the sea long enough, you get to thinking and without a doubt. We're here. What? Well, I mean, we're about to be here. And she points out the front and you see a little, it's like full of neon.

You know the fucking golden What's it from Final Fantasy 7? The golden Oh the gold saucer? The gold saucer It looks very much like gold saucers A lot of neon It looks very fun

There's a little fireworks Talking about racing win Exactly This is where you get to find A casino It's like an entertainment station Basically, it's like an arcade It's like a hollow suite thing

We're gonna go to the hollow suites You guys can find out that Ooh you can use the hollow suites You probably haven't been able to use those yet Here's what are those? Do you ever watch TNG or DS9? The next generation? Yeah Star Trek

Huh, did I ever, that happened to me, man. The whole show? It's a thing. It's this thing. I think everyone else has agreed to play along with it. Lila, I worry about the next generation every day. He was like this before he hit his head on the bulkhead. Yes.

No. Okay. Well, anyway, there are lots of fun. Uh-huh. All we got to do is we can go in. Basically, they're selling a thing that allows me to find out when hex diamonds are formed. You guys know what hex diamonds are in this whole? based why the space is important.

Oh, yeah. A lot of its concepts are new and unfamiliar. So this space is really important because a lot of these planets got destroyed and fucked up. There's a lot of space debris and asteroid specifically. And when our good friends, salvage and demolition, what were their names?

Reck and salvage. You already forgot about the mouth. I don't think so. I think it was something else. It was wreck and salvage. Scrap. You're right. Was it one with them scrap?

It was scrap and wrecked scrap. This is just Cramp and wreckage. Scrap and wreckage. This is just Will's attempt to get Scrippy back in the show. No,

Scrapping records are the best. Scrapping. Sprappy, right? Will gets an inspiration for correctly remembering the space sharks that I did. Grandkids.

No, I was just wondering how long it's been in their time since they've seen us. Like, do they miss us already? Who? You scrap and wreckage. Oh, we haven't gone faster than light,

so they're like a couple thousand meters behind us. Okay. Look, she hits a button her screen and you see like a rear view mirror. Oh, there you guys now. Zooms all the way. I don't have a speaker on this.

If they were in a ship, I could talk to him, but no. Do you want me to like go pick them up? No. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, yeah. If you want. No. Herb, they were so nice to us. Dale, I just, I like just like the four of us hanging out, man.

When there's like new people, like that changed the day. She's pressing a button in like rhythmic thing. She's like, I'm doing Morse code at them with the headlights. New four. Friends is the best kind of friend. That's why I thought when I met you guys, but now I'm like... Oh, Herb, you having a tough time right now? What are you talking about?

I'm fine. Your face says otherwise. I'm fine. Herb, look over here for a second. Yeah, what's up? I want to do some sort of check to see if Herb has any sort of like lingering concussive effects from his head wang. I feel medicine would be the role for that.

Medici. Medici. Fucking another natural one. Oh my God. You've got serious cranial swelling. think. Oh, we have to get this made in the hospital. It's my brain getting bigger and bigger. Private conversation

I just realized, but I guess there's no way to have that here. So everybody will just hear what I'm about to say, which is, remember Herbs, what was your lady's friend name again? I'm so sorry. Cammy, my girlfriend. Cammy, beautiful lady. I'm really happy for you. Cammy. She's 10 years older now. Oh, no.

That's how we get back. She'll be the right for you. What I mean? She was the right. She's 34. That's the bad thing about being in space. You get older,

they get way older. That's why Matthew McCona. He was crying in that movie. Yeah. She did a really important job and I realized that none of us

are doing it for you. What's that? What kind of job you talk? No, her. Oh, you dirty mind. No. Take your pills.

I don't have any more pills, man. Oh, no. They were important, though, right? Yeah, but I was, I've been kind of experimenting a little of this, a little bit. I also just, again, you, I don't want to get into the details. I specifically know this, but I do know that, like, head trauma can be a trigger for people's mental.

So specifically, I feel like, is there a doctor somewhere on this medical? Okay, I hear you. I hear you. Yeah, there's got to be a doctor on the arcade for sure. Okay. Well, we'll get your pills and I'll take responsibility. I'll be your cammy, but not your. Cammy.

Okay. If you ever change your mind, man, let me know. Not that early in the cruise. We never know.

Rambo, don't be a pussy. Come on. Grandpa's leaving the pineapple stickers in the bag until we pass Barbados.

So we're all here. Yes, we are all here. I just want, you know, I try not to judge. We're here too.

Oh, I rolled a D20 to see if they understood the Morse Coden. I got a 19. Wow. So Scrap and Reckage are here. Up here as well.

A. Reckage. Our ship is your ship. Just, you know, live outside. Don't eat it, please. And don't make it. Your ship docked back at the 420 Blazor? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's our ship now? I mean, no, you're welcome there. What happened to Roger Moore? This is the important. We're on a different ship. We're on a different ship. You're on my little fighter. No, I know.

That was sorry. That sounded like Ralph. That was me as well, being like, we left Roger Morpah. You did. He's a computer. He's probably, don't worry. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, you left.

Is your AI still active on your ship? I would assume. So what does your AI know? Well, I mean... He knows everything James Bond knows. About, like, where you're going? Oh, I mean, yeah, he knows everything. Well, I mean...

He heard everything. He's the one who told us where they find out. Ash is important. He heard and saw everything on the ship. Okay. He said he saw everything. Okay, well, then that means we have a choice to make. Okay.

Either we turn around and risk getting completely annihilated by the 420 blaze it in an effort to, to get onto your ship and extract the AI so they can't torture all the information out of it. Johnny Silverhands Engraft. Exactly. Like when Arsaka did, Johnny torture a computer.

With a program. Dude, hold on. With a pro. Hard stop, though. Could you imagine if it was Roger Moore instead of Keanu Reeves and fucking, it's just fucking Roger Moore. We're like, hello, darling.

Hello, darling. We got a city to put. We have a city. What's the other option? Well, the other option is we just accept that they're going to find out where we're going. And, uh, oh, that could put the rest of our grandkids in danger.

They would be essentially ready for us to some extent because they don't know what order we're going in. Also, they don't know. He doesn't know where we're going because we don't know. Yeah, we didn't know we were going until we got on your ship. He does know who we're going to eventually try to go to. Yes. If he picked a plot for you, then he knows what that plot is. I will also point out they already know we're coming.

Yeah, they already know all of us, but they will know specifically which planets you're going to because in 10 years, they might change planet. Oh, my God. Can you just shoot some rockets in that direction from here? Do you want me to blow up your ship? I mean, we're not using it anymore. I mean, I guess I could. Or we could send our good friends. Wreck and Scrappage.

Wreck and Scrappish? This is it another classic wreck and scrappage B. B. Rackage? Would you be interested in performing a sort of side quest for us where you go rescue our ship or our AI and just to help us out with this? Do you want me to go eat the ship? Go eat the ship.

I'm going to eat the ship. Yeah, go eat the ship. Hell yeah. Pretty easy. There we go. This is the rest of my life. High five, bring it. You didn't want to bring it here.

They're the ones who are going to save us in the end. I just feel, you know, I can't help it. I feel bad for Roger Moore. I feel, I feel bad for me. I mean, my ship's gone. Well, there's an AI core in there. We can try to bring her back intact, but I will be rolling to self-control to not eat it.

So there's a chance that Roger Moore will just be in my belly forever. That's a chance we're going to have to take. All righty. I'm going to get up with you. guys have to get out of the arcade. It's going to take us a while to eat your shit. Hey, and just in case it's 10 years until we see you again.

You both are real cool. I know. You guys are cool, too. Man. I'd high five of you if we weren't in space and you weren't in a spaceship. I'll slap the hull of ship. I slap it back. Bong. We're we trying to like stay under a radar scan. We're like very close still.

No, no, we're just out. We're in a cool place now. Everybody's here. Yeah, I think of a game. with faster than night travelers. No, no, no, no. We do sublight on this ship. This ship is too small to do FTL. So, Lyle.

Which also means we need to find a new ship that can do FDL. Just, okay. What is it that we're doing to these boys? Okay, so. And also give me a cool name for what this place is that we're at now. Lost Vegas.

The name of this station? It has a name. Oh, okay. What is it then? Okay, well, I hadn't thought about that. You didn't think about the name for your cool space. There's no name. There's no name.

There's no. Oh, God. the war casino space station and you didn't come up with a fun name for it no the world building of season four so cool they go to space casino lots let me look around let me look in the in the user submitted patreon form and see if i can find a location in the casio pia is a fucking planet it's a casino eapia that sucks uh oh oh bitch uh jeremy shimmel gave this to us david bloatsters an amusement pavilion This is the D&B arcade and That's what I've been saying

When we go into Busters, man Bloaders, man That's fine I lost so much money And bloaters What? Bloaders is also the name of a really Seedy Hooters knockoff

Back on Earth Oh No It's a fine establishment With great lunch specials And they like me there They're big fans of me there Really?

Are you sure they don't just tell you that? so that you'll spend more money? You're one of the people who thinks they're bartenders, their friend. Yeah? Yeah, no. I got tons of friends. They are.

No, no, they're not. Anyway, so yeah, I'm basically just going... Nobody else calls me, hon, like that. I could. Give me a... What? Hun? That's weird.

All right. I gave it a shot. What do you want? All right. Anyway, these guys, they're traders from the supple helix trading company. They're a bunch of amoeids. They have a bunch of tech.

And they're going to sell me a thing that will allow me to know when hex diamonds are formed, which is a real thing in real life, where if two asteroids to each other hard enough, then it makes a new harder form of diamond called a hex diamond. Oh, they have a baby. That's what they need to build the crowbar. What's the crowbar?

The crowbar is the thing they're using to get into the spark. These hex diamonds could make something that we could travel faster. I mean, they're really, really, like, strong. I don't know if they're, like, fast. It's just kind of a hard rock, Dale. Yeah. Fine. I just, I just really want.

Could the rock be so hard that it causes you the time travel? That's what you're saying. I know. I'm just, I'm sorry. I'm really focused on trying to get. to your guy's grandkids early. I appreciate that. Okay. You appreciate that.

And when you know what, this is your time with your grandchild, then we're going to help you out. I just, it feels like the young lady could use some guidance. Ah, that's my job is just to have fun with her. That's what my job is. He gets it.

He gets it. That's what her mom's job is. And I did my job. And the last thing I want to do is kill her vibe because I know how hard life can be. And the last, so I'm, I'm also, hold on, hold on. What, Ralph? Mm-hmm.

How many wars have you fought it? Well, I, you know, why... Okay, so I've been in this war for 10 years. So it feels a little bit weird for you to be judgy about the situation that I'm in. So maybe why don't you respect the fucking troops and we're going to go into the art. We're going to go into Dave and Bloatsters. And all you got to do is stay in there and look menacing. That's it.

Yeah. Are you going to arm us? I don't have much on me. I've got like, I have got my pistol, which I could do that thing. For a record, I burn my draft card. That's all I'm saying. I burn my draft card. And they wouldn't let me go to war

I can definitely see that I can definitely see that Wait so you were like this back in the sixth Ooh I was I was way wilder in the 60s man You wouldn't even recognize Okay so this is you're not gonna talk When we're in there you don't talk

You look menacing I got these cloaks I got cloaks We got cloaks We got cloaks so just cover your heads with those Ralph did they call your number? They didn't I was on the list

There's the name Ralph Ralph Wow Here's what we're going to do. Ralph's draft number, I'm going to roll D20. Holy shit, here we go. Ralph's draft number was 11 on a T20.

Okay. Let's find out. And let's roll it. The lottery drawings were. Okay. So no, they didn't. Okay.

So, I mean, it's just like burning on random piece of paper. So just trust me, I have been, I've been doing this for 10 years. Okay. Okay.

Okay. So we're going to go in. So, so, so, so Robert McNamara. Wasn't smart. I don't know who that is,

Ralph. Okay? Just we don't know. Look, I'm not going to, when we meet your grandkid again, she can be doing whatever. I'm not going to say anything. All I'm asking you is let me enjoy my time with Lila here. Thank you. And do what she's asking of us.

And then she's going to help us find a way to get you to your grandkids earlier. No, yeah, I get it. That's good vibe for everybody. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, man. It's okay. Should we all hug? Yeah.

Oh, my guys. Go to a while. I've had a good hug. Yeah, big hug. Big hug, everybody. Come here. Oh, man. Oh, you got so.

strong. Yeah, well, yeah. Look how tall you are now. I'm, yeah, I mean, it's been fucking ten years. Yep. I'm fucking hot as hell. Hey, you get it. I hope you're happy all the time.

Are you happy all the time? I don't think anybody is. I'm happy all the time. Yes, if I hit my head against the bulkhead five more times, I might be happy all the time, but no, I'm not. All right, so we're going to go to this job. We're not going to kill anybody, just so you know. What?

What do you mean you're not going to kill anybody? I'm not. I'm doing my best. If it's a trap and they try to kill us, we have to kill them. Self-defense. and we have killed some people. Okay, there you know. Fine. Great. I'm just saying I'm not going there with the notion of killing anybody.

No, you're not stupid. Okay. Okay. Are we all in on this? Yes. I'm all in. All right. Get it?

Because it's Dave and Blotas. I've been all in so many times in Dave and Blotas. I'll be straight with you, fellas. I'm 10% in, but 90% in. This week's 100%. Because I want to see Blotas. Big bubbly bloaters, baby. Inside the space station.

Yo, yousa, look at those bloaters. Everywhere that I can see! What happened to Joe Biden? Bloaders. What happened to Joe Biden? So you're... What I get excited? I was like Joe Biden in a fucking New York slice of pizza.

I just got excited. I forgot. I just got excited. I forgot you had a whole new voice. Yeah, you can't call them bloaters, man. They're like, they're species. I know. I know, and it's the name of a species, too.

But the blowers look like bazingas. When he points at the bazingas, they're just floating. They look a little bit like boobs and a little bit like jellyfish. It goes, yeah, it's really rude to do that. Okay, so Lila, what are we allowed to look at? You can look at anything. Just don't point say look at that thing. Hachim-Mah.

Hichim-Mah. Hichimely living beings don't like being pointed out and say, holy shit. I'm just going to silently stare, man. That's fine. I'm crossing my eyes so I can look in two directions at once. Yowsa! They can't blow this up everywhere. The eyes can see.

They can't see you through the cloak, so it's not a big deal. What are these bloters doing? These ones are having a fun time at the arcade. I just want to paint a picture. I don't know if we walked in. They're just walking. They're floating past you're into the arcade. Matt, they're floating breasts playing Mario Kart.

How complicated could this possibly be. Three of them are in a VR roller coaster right now having the time of their lives, just jiggling around. Is that what they really are? Yeah, they're heading in. One of them's trying to throw a football through a hole and tickets are coming out. Okay? Yeah, we're in the arcady part, the hollow sweet parts in the back, and just so you're ready.

I know shit, they got the Terminator arcade game. It's not what? It's not like impressive, so just prepare for that. What do you mean? Can I'm going to go? Real quick, right. Yes, whatever you want to do while you're in the arcade area. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Okay, let me describe the arcade area. There are a kind of different machines, some of which you can recognize as like, oh, that seems to be a game about shooting things. That seems to be a game about singing. but there are others that are completely alien to you in more ways than one. Like it just looks like distractions. There's one where a guy's just sitting in front of a TV screen and like blinking. And every couple seconds, he goes,

fuck. Like my friend playing the witness. There's actually all the things you would usually see it like a Chuck E. Jesus. There's like a little prize wall. They're all published by Annapurna games too, all the weird ones. Yeah, there's a bunch of it. There's a corner.

There's an corner. There's an Anapurna Perna Interhiker. This one you play. a fucking sad cat. Every alien there has... This one, you're a sentient paintbrush remembering a war. You unlock it

one painting at a time, huh? And this got one on rock paper shot, fucking... I'll see you guys have played the color of combat. Sorry, we're... Holy shit, sorry, we're changing our game. We are always

to publish a paintbrush. Essentially paintbrush. bring a war is so fucking good so it was yeah it was like a World War I guy who's in the trenches trying to like learn how to

learn out of paint yeah oh the twist he's Hitler and the pig rush I should have killed him when I had the plane oh my god anyway yeah there's an Anapurna's

this kind of corner and Anapurna indie game showcase yes every alien there has blue hair All right, anyways, there's food and drink stations everywhere. There's Pris Stations. There's the Anperna Corner.

And then in the back there is a door that says Hollow Suites. And she's leading you to that. And I wanted to investigate. I got 10. I'm looking for Herb's pills. So maybe there's a doctor here. Oh, yeah, we need to find a doctor. In the Hollow Suite, there's probably.

Yeah. Yeah, there is. Like sometimes people need to decompress afterwards. There's a doctor and a therapist. Oh, okay. Wow. Let's go, but we have to, I'm going to be like Cammy. We have to get your pills.

You're nothing like Cammy. I know, I've never replaced her, but this one small part of her life where she makes sure you take pills is what I'm going to do. Why do you have to give him his pills? Why don't you just let him have a good time? Hey, my man. The pills help him. Oh, you guys don't get along as well as I thought you did.

Okay, alright. She leads you through the door that says Hollow Suites, and in front of you, you see a desk with a pen that seems to be not connected to anything, just scribbling on a piece of paper. And behind it, you see a bunch of very... Let's get tattoos. You see a bunch of very nondescript, slighty sci-fi doors. To the right, you see a sign that has a symbol on it that's like a snake. And she goes, that's a hospital.

I open up one of the nondescript doors. Well, they're way past the desk. And as you do, the pen stops writing and then jumps up into the air. And then in the air in front of you writes out, do you have a reservation? Our friend here weighing his head pretty hard. We need to get him checked out. It could be a lawsuit on your hands because you tripped and slipped in here. So if you could take a look at him, that'd be great.

But you may be outside his HMO. The pen says, doctor is this way and then draws an arrow, which is in the direction of the snake sign. All right, bud, let's go. Let's go get that noodle looked at. Wait a minute. What's behind the pen? What do you mean? We should go there.

Oh, the hollow suite? Yeah, we can go there. We can get your pills after. Actually, that would be great because my guys are waiting for me, I think. Yeah. We should take care. of the pills first. We can get them after.

I'm getting a major buzz kill, so know what? I don't care if you take pills. I don't care if you don't take pills anymore. No, you should. My whole point was right. You should care. No, I appreciate a good friend like you checks when I do something wrong like that, like making sure that he takes his pill.

I was being a bad friend. Our job is a guy. Guys, thank you for telling Dale that you was being a bad friend. No, that's not what I meant. We're making a scene. What? Oh, sorry.

We're making a scene. Am I talking to allow? That's the one thing I don't want to do with my grandkids. Yeah, because you said I didn't talk. Okay, it's cool. Okay. Is there a note left for me, she says to the pen? And the pen looks...

He's a note for you. Darts a... That's a pretty funny. Sorry, I'm not going to talk anymore. She goes, that's good. That's good. The pen basically sticks itself through a piece of paper under the desk and then comes up and then moves toward Lila.

Lila takes the piece of paper off and it's a note that says, Hollow Room 4, period, better in there, period, private period, no cameras are mics, period, because masturbation period. Anthony saw that one scene in 2001 where the floating pen goes by. He's like, that's a character. That should be a character. Nice. There's 14 other pens back there.

They're all in a club together. Lila. Ha! Wait, wait, wait. Fuck. 1015. You'll write 1015 on your hand. And then you'll know what I'm talking about.

You'll be part of the club. If you're at home listening to this and you want to get that joke, write the cool phrase pen 15 on your hand. And then ask your friend what it says, and then you'll get the joke. So who's masturbating in there? Most people that use these. Okay. Honestly, do you want us?

Do we need to go masturbate? You need to come with me. It's not going to be a masturbation thing. Okay. Okay. I don't think. I mean, they're the ones who booked the rooms. I'm pretty tired of a lot of stuff, but I can go in there and do it if you want me to.

No, no, no, my God. The last thing I do you do to hear about my grandpot jerking off. No, no, no, no, no. We're not all going in there together, is my point. We are all going into together, but there's not going to be masturbation, I think. It says it on, that's like one of the four words. I know. I know, I know, but it's, I think...

It sounds like they just want to use the room because it's normally a room that people... Thank you. So there are no cameras and there are no mics. Oh, none. Use the room for such a purpose, but they want to use it because that there's no cameras for the privacy of such people. That's all. Let's go. Sort of an incognito room.

How are the rest of the patrons reacting to this four-hitted figures flanking? Sure. So the people in the waiting area, so basically behind the desk... Do you look like big boobs to them? Maybe. Are we the equivalent of their loose? They're like, that's disgusting. Behind the desk there is a waiting area with a bunch of big old circular

couches like at a hotel. And then behind those are the doors of the hall suites. And you see a bunch of people around the circular couches. Some of them seem to be like addicts looking for a fix in almost a sense. They're tapping their feet really hard. My man. And then some of them are just there with their kids. And other people are very patiently on their devices waiting for their turn.

in the suites. Nobody's giving you a second look. So the Hall of Suites are like the laser tag section in the back of a family fun center. It's like literally exactly that. People go to masturbate. People go to find a dark horn to jerk off in and see it in the neon. So you walk up to one of the... Black lights, you fucking

Kerr. So one of the doors... Nobody makes a look in neon. It looks neon, though. The door to Hall of Sweet 4 opens in front of you and you all walk inside with Lila. Yeah. I want to post up on the outside and like scan around.

Do I notice any tales? That were following you into the Hall of Suite area? No, no, no. Furries, different species. Oh. Roll perception. But both. But really, this dice roll counts for both. Seven plus one, eight.

No way, no, you might be followed. Who knows? And that guy might be a furry, but he's not in his fur suit. So when you look into the Hollisweet, you see a dark hallway, and at the end of this hallway, there's some very light glowing, like somebody's got a glow in the dark night light or something around a corner in this tunnel. And we're like, oh, careful boys,

we're in a James Terrell exhibit. So she leads you forward and you step inside and you hear the door close softly behind you. And in the meat of the Hall of Suite, which looks like basically a big, empty room with a lot of dots all around the walls, you see a couple of blobs on the ground that you soon realize were probably the amoeboids

that Lyme was talking. about. Yeah, they look to be like splatted on the ground and kind of liquefied and standing over them. The loaders, no. This could just be their natural state. Hey there. It's standing over them is a figure in a cloak wearing kind of like a bird-like mask. Never a good sign. And it turns and looks at you and just stares directly at Lila. The color drains out of her face and she looks to you and she says, run. And she starts running out of the hollow suite. We're old. We can't. Okay, I'm trying. We amble after her. I run after Elila.

The person that you saw, the hooded figure, the mask figure does not follow you. Oh, no, that's the worst one they don't even move. Oh, no. Lila, what's the, hey, I'm going to turn around that. Hey, excuse me. What a move. What a move. It seems like my granddaughter has a problem with you.

So the figure is going to walk over and just grab you by the throat. And as its fingers wrap around your throat, you feel them begin to encircle your throat in a not natural way. And the fingers all turn into like one band of flesh. This doesn't feel natural. And it lifts you off the ground. And it says, Lila, come back. Okay, well, hey, it seems like. You can't talk with your being lifted by your throat.

Yeah. I would like to put you down slightly. You could talk if you want to. It seems like you scared my granddaughter. I'm just, I'm, I'm Dale is still running. The second that this guy grabs Dale and lifts him into the air, Ralph is going to empty the clip with a level two magic missile on him. I demand a sci-fi flavor. to the words magic missile.

It's just like, radioactive, it's releasing radioactive. Actually, you know what it is? Because it's like all radiation magic, like little globs of sort of tumorous flesh like pulse out of Ralph's hand.

Yeah. And then raise up into the air and they're glowing with energy and they just fucking honing on that. What looks like a missile is actually him grabbing two pieces of antimatter colliding them and making a vacuum that moves through. And then he grabs them by the balls. That's so cool. Yeah, do you snap your fingers and you break two antimatter at them together.

You make a targeted anti-nuclear bomb. That's exactly what it is. I love it. So three plus one, four damage. Okay. Very small. Very small. Four damage, it knocks against the mask and the creature just sort of turns to look at you and narrows its eyes.

And it goes, oh, yeah, you guys. It puts Dale down, but continues to keep its hand around Dale's neck. Have you met? Sorry. Hi. Who are you? The creature reaches up to its mask, takes it off. and you don't recognize the face that you see behind it

until it's sort of morphs and shifts into the face of Jessica Meska. Wait, what was the last time we saw Jessica Messick? Was she good or bad to us last time? She was good to you. She had shot in the head last time. Hey, hey, yeah, it's us. How's it going?

But they told us that she wasn't good. Well, yeah, but we don't know if they're good either. No, no, I'm... She was good to us, though. Yeah, I'm dope as help. Okay. Tell Lila to come back, please. She seems pretty scared.

I don't know what you two have going on. Where is Lilo right now? Did she leave the room? She ran out of the room and unless any of you fall or she's just out of sight. Okay, you know what? Yeah, I'll go find her and we'll bring her back. No, no, too late. I got her.

We're good. What does that mean? What do you mean you got her? So Jessica looks up into the left for a second and like kind of nods to herself. Is this something just happening? He goes, you guys are good to go. Oh, cool. Where is she?

Bye. And she begins to melt away. And first you think that the cloak and the mask going to leave behind, but those are part of her two and those begin to melt too. Oh, man. One of the cool mask. And she melts back into the puddle, the same kind of puddle that you saw when she was shot in the head back on McFadden Gate.

I run out of the room. I run to her, Lila. So as you walk out... No, I'm running. Sorry, as you run out using your monk speed, the noises and the lights and the blue hair surrounding you of all the different arcade machines, you look out toward the entrance where you came in

and pass what looked to be slot machines and pass what looks to be somebody just getting his dick sucked by a vending machine. You see... Dude, they're called slot machines. Nice. Think about it, dude. You see Lila, and she's almost to the docking bay where you came in, except two figures have grabbed her. It's confusing because they don't look related at all.

You just see what looks to be a sort of alien housewife, like still with a purse attached, and a janitor who have grabbed Lila by either arm. One of them has a hand over her mouth, but the hand, it looks like it's like bonding with the skin of her face in the same way that the hand sort of bonded around your neck. Oh, shit. They are dragging her into a different ship at the dockyard. And then how many feet away are they? So they are about 90 feet away. Okay, cool. But also there's a lot of gamblers and players and arcade machines between you and them.

I blast off magic missile and we fucking, we do all those cool, like, tracking shots. We're following it through the casino. And like a bunch of chips go flying and it arcs over one of those bloaters. And then it fucking like slams into the guy. But it does do four damage. So it stops. And there's one of those like crowd reaction noises like, oh. Can you roll to see if it did go through any innocent people during that?

Yeah, sure. If I roll low, it did. If I roll high, it didn't. Seven. Oh, oh, oh, oh. It was a teen. It was a what? It was a teenager. Oh, no.

But the teenager was gambling on the slot machine. The teenager looks right, the camera goes, I'll never gamble again. You want to go home and rethink your life. I don't want to sell you death sticks. Can I run fast? If you want to, we can get into an initiative order. Yeah, I'm pulling my granddaughter into a ship. I'm going to.

Okay, everybody roll initiative. Oh, 17. 11. I got Nate. 18. So the weird people that have grabbed Lila are going first. They rolled slightly higher. They rolled slightly higher.

They go on the ship and leave. Yeah. They fire up the engines and look. This is the fire up the engines. Is this the first? ever d and the combat that has ended on the initiative role because the bad guys just had better initiative so yeah they kind of drag lila into a ship and the door shuts behind them and that's their turn if you can find a way to stop the ship from taking off somehow i don't know what that would be

real to RPG fucking boss fight it's like hey hey i'll come back when you guys are ready to fight uh it's ashley's turn well shit well shit okay okay oh no she's spending your whole turn saying, well, shit. What is your character again? I'm a gadget here. You get a hold your turn in. Oh, did you breathe? They didn't let you bring your drone in.

Oh, hold on. Yeah. Where's your drone? Yeah, where's my drone, Anthony? They took it from, yeah. It's in the little, like, cabinet where they keep all the shit. Yeah, the drone check. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or yeah, the fucking, the thing in the escape rooms, the locker that you put your cell phone into. Wait, did they take it at the hollow suites or before we got even got into the casino floor? I think they probably took it before you got a casino floor because that kind of thing would help you with cheating. Oh, I could. Here's what I do. closer. It is closer to them than you are. Okay, so I'm going to fire up my drone connected via

Wi-Fi and fly it. What, but what am I going to do? I don't know. You're the one. Fuck it. What is your, what can you do? I have an idea of what you could do, but I don't know what you want to tell you. Fly it into an engine, but it's my drone. Do you that mean? What does it have a little fun of abilities? Tell us about the drone. It has all of the exact same abilities that a DJI drone has, which are. Number one. one, the ability to track me to do selfie shots. Number two, the ability to orbit around me as I'm hiking up a mountain. Number three, the ability to follow my cars.

I'm winding through mountain roads. Number four, the ability to fly straight away from me as I go, A, as I stand on the edge of a cliff as the waves crash underneath it. In the system of the game that we are playing called Dark Matter, is there any fun stuff that drone can do? I'm searching right now. I can cut a little bit with the blades. and you can see things far away.

I think it's a drone is a drone, Will. There's a special drone. It's insane to think that this cool fucking sci-fi work with that special drones. I agree that it should be that, but Freddie said it's a normal drone. Here's what this has. Okay. Number one, has a DC of 13. Okay.

It has a gadget attack of plus five. Oh, that's pretty good. So I can use it to attack things. Are you using defense, recon, or medical? Recon. The most useful of all things. Recon's very important, Matt. Your drone has both the ability to attack,

and it can also go straight away from me as I go, A, on top of a cliff. You can. It also has something called surveillance protocol in which it can create a holographic marker above one target. It can see within 60 feet. I can middle click on someone over there.

Exactly. I have an idea. That might be useful. If a ship is falling away with your granddaughter, that might be a good thing to do. The whole is going to be useful. I have an idea. Okay.

So, yeah. Well, that's got a little twigler design. I got a good one. I think it's a good one. Because it's a casino, right? And they just went into a ship like they,

strains the ship, right? Yeah. Okay. I look around. Where is any security guard the casino? There's two posted at the door that you walk past, and then there's two posted at the door behind you to the hospital.

And one and one that's wandering around. And one who's using his break to play a slot machine. Yes. I look to the closest one. And I go, Lock it down. Somebody cheated. Stealing.

All the money stolen. Lock it down. They're getting out. All right. Roll persuasion with disadvantage. No, no, no,

casino of the casino they think for a second. My turn's not done yet, Matthew. I thought he said you're going to hold my turn. No. Oh, he said,

okay. That's wishful thinking on your video. Okay. I think match plan involved you holding your turn. Yeah. Okay.

Well, but I could spot the. Yeah, but once I tell the guards that and then you can make a little, he's got surveillance. It's a lot to put on a persuasion roll. Yeah.

I think if you did that in Vegas, they would probably look at you first. I mean, they probably said, yeah, all right, then you go. Well,

I wanted, okay, so I want to create a holographic marker above my target. Okay. So I want that they can see. What kind of marker? Like a Sharpie?

It's the marker of the target that we just, I'll leave the door, right? Check this out. A dark matter says that marker lasts until the beginning of the drone's next turn. But if I destroy the drone never takes a turn.

If the drone holds his turn forever, you know what I'm saying? I'm more than, happy to say that that track remains on it. As long as the drone has power and maybe as you get separate from it, its power will begin to slowly dwindle. Okay. But I see no reason that it should go away after six.

I'm going to mark the ship. And so from the locker, I press some buttons on the thing and it marks the ship. And it's a little, you know the Sims icon? Yeah, it's the Sims icon. I go to that person. I say, look, buddy, you can either let them go and I point to the line of damage and they see there's stuff scattered everywhere.

They see a teenager on the ground. this line of damage going to the fucking escape pods. And I'm like, look, buddy, just lock it down. Just figure it out a second, but somebody's about to walk away with the house right now. But I'm just like, I'm just helping you out. Ralph, when you fired Magic Missile, were you trying to be subtle? No.

No, but we described all this stuff. They probably saw you do it. Well, sure if you want to rewind time. You should, you should fucking thought that would happen. No, I'm saying there's security guards everywhere. I think Matt you get a roll to gaslight the guy though. You, okay, it's a disadvantage, but go ahead. First one is a 17 fucking security guard.

seeing a bunch of people in a casino fucking hurt and a gunshot clearly happening. And it's just people pulling out and they won't lock down the place. Let's see number two. Oh, man, that was almost an 18. 13. With a 13, the security guard looks toward the direction you're pointing. But then mostly the other security guards are already looking at you because you fired off a magic missile.

So he fired off a fucking anti-matter. Yeah, an anti-matter mini-nook, dude. Anti-snap. He snaps his fingers. Antimatter breaks apart between his fingers, causing a up to four damage. I don't know, gravity or some shit. I don't know. Up to four.

You're right. I feel way more immersed now. Next up is Herb. I'm 90 feet away. Yeah. And the security guards are in play. Yes, they are heading towards you. I'm going to grab a knife from the Stabamol game, arcade game.

Okay. And I'm going... Give me a strength tech to wrench it out. It'd be tough, Beth. It'd be like trying to steal a guitar hero, guitar from a guitar hero arcade machine. Good luck. Fuck. It's a four.

I couldn't even get it out. And I'm a barbarian. This is so... This doesn't normally happen. I mean, normally I'm really strong. I don't know what kind of thing they got attaching this thing. There's like a little kid, Amibo, just like with his quarters waiting for it. Hey, hey, I'm still going, kid.

Don't, don't. I just need 14 more tickets to get them. No, I don't care, man. I got to get this, I guess, I guess this curtains for me. All right, Ralph, it's your turn. So the guys are charging at us, these security guards? They're not charging. They're walking intimidatingly towards you, so it's to not create a panic, but yes.

Okay, so then here's what I would like to do. How far away are the guards from me? 15 feet. Okay. I'm going to charge towards them. I run by 15 feet. I'm going to then cast Misty Step, which is a level two step of spell,

in a bonus action to teleport 30 feet past them towards the door. You're going to, sorry, kid, nothing personal. Yeah, sort of a, yeah, I'm running right towards them and right when he's about to attack me, I sort of night crawler just disappear into a cloud of radioactive mist and then reappear 30 feet down the casino floor. It moves you 30 feet, so you're 15 feet behind him now?

What I'd like to do is split my move action. So I run 15, I have 30 feet to move. Oh, okay, okay. I run 15 feet when I'm right in his face, I teleport. Okay. Now I'm... So he's really confused. Yeah, now I'm 30 feet behind him.

Sure. I run another 15 feet to finish my move action. I'm now 30 feet from the door because you said it was 90 feet, right? 15 plus 15 plus 30. Yeah. It's 60. Yeah, so you're 30 feet from the door. I would like to use my action to

cast mage hand. Okay. Which has a range of 30 feet. Whoa. And I'm going to use, I'm going to have Mage Hand appear at the door to the ship that they just entered.

Okay. And I'm going to try to open the door. It's pretty weak, right? It just picks up stuff. When you cast a spell, you can use the hand to manipulate an object, open an unlocked door container, store, retrieve an item from an open container or pour out the contents of a vial.

Many vials around? If he opened the door, would it like stop the air seal? almost certainly locked the airlock because it's in the name. There's a fire alarm you could pull. Oh, I'll do that. So sprinklers go off

everywhere. And there's like 14 different life forms that are like really water should not touch them. Oh no. Yeah, they melt. They're dead. Huge safety.

And you hear a voice saying, there's been a fire alarm. Hold. And now we are under lockdown. And all of the ships The doors leading to the ship, they all slammed shut. And don't let the ship. No, don't let the ship sleep.

Oh! No, that ship might be on fire. You got to stop it. That's the source of the fire. That doesn't make any sense. Stop it. They would want that to be separate. My granddaughter is in there.

Yes, unfortunately, the last thing you see before the fire doors come down is your granddaughter up against the window of the ship that she just got thrown into. Looking at you and screaming something that you cannot hear is the fire door falls down. Your friend's drone, Ashley Birch's drone, still. connected to the ship as it speeds off into the great unknown. Lila. Does it like auto upload content? Like that feeling when?

Oh no. Here's, oh no, you want this? The drone camera turns back towards us. And then we're going, hey, and it zooms out. You give us a cool shot. It's not funny. I look at the drone image of Lila and she's screaming. And as it gets farther and farther away, the reception gets worse and worse.

And it starts staticking. And the last thing I see is her tears in eyes. Don't fuck us. Yeah. We can. Don't tell Anthony that we. can't use it to track or what do you do it? Oh, hold on, that's okay.

I just need to do a firmware update. And it's back again. It's back again. Oh, she's so sad, though. I wish I wasn't watching it. Thanks so much for listening. Here's a sneak peek at what's coming down the line on our Patreon. Will has been DMing a hardcore dungeon crawl RPG where we die fast and often.

And we got roll new level zero characters every time. It's called Shadow Dark. We put one episode out. The response was so good. Episode two coming in one week. We also, of course, do an after show. Did you know at one point Talking Dead had more viewers than Walking Dead on AMC? That's crazy.

The people yearn for the water cooler, and that's what Safe Space this season's after show is all about. We chat about the episode you just heard, answer listener questions, and it sounds a little bit like this. To me, scrap and wreckage, like, solidify, like, this is the sci-fi tone word. Like, these two little, like, space sharks that eat wreckage is very fun. to be and like I'm like I get the world now. Like even like just gonna existence. Huh? You whispered that into existence. You whispered that into existence. You made the world you want to live

in. Yeah the NBC's I guess I came up with it. But you did that you did it. I didn't come up with it. No you were like high scrap high wreckage. I can't not respond to that. Shit I'm funny. Dungeons and Daddies is Matt Arnold is Dale Elliot Anthony Burch is our DM. Will Campbell says Ralph Estereus. Beth Mayas

Herb, the Worm, Quigley and myself Freddy Wong is Ashley Birch. Our theme song is conventional wisdom by Max and Waller. Anisa Omran is our content producer. Ashley Blood is our community manager. Courtney Terry is our community coordinator. Esther Ellis is our lead editor, Travis Reeves, and Omar Romolino provide additional editing. Cover art and episode art by Alex Moore. Special thanks this week to our Patreon supporters. Folks like Bubzilla 2, 57 precepts, Norman Himmel, Thomas Bashore, Beans, Zoe, Florian, Threes the Charmoth, Thistle Smoke, Tim, Colonel Gordon, Garrett Harder, Angelic Boy, Otter Johnson, Quinn Fiegel,

Brett Williams, N. Snow, Adam Scott, Kaz Flip, Smith, and Kirk. You too can join them by supporting the show directly on Patreon at patreon.com slash dungeons and dads. You also don't have to listen to ads anymore. Although, I don't know. I guess the ads are pretty good. Speaking of ads, you can find merch and more at dungeons and dags.com. That's our website.

And our next episode, April 21st. We'll see you there. Find a location name that might fit. Casinoeopea. That's funny. I like casino. yeah, Pia. Will is the guy who just lost it in apples to apples. It's like, no, no, no, you don't get it. I lose apples and apples. Because you even put a fucking card down.