Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 104: Positive Thinking ft. Colin & Micah | Crew Biscuits Ep. 4

Episode Date: July 24, 2017

Colin & Micah put the power of positive thinking to the test to see if they can find the silver lining in common transportation headaches, like poor parallel parking jobs, elevator standers, and more on this week's Crew Biscuit. Listen & subscribe at:  Apple Podcasts: http://apple.co/29PTWTM Spotify: http://spoti.fi/2oIaAwp Art19: https://art19.com/shows/ear-biscuits SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/earbiscuits Follow This Is Mythical: Facebook: http://facebook.com/ThisIsMythical Instagram: http://instagram.com/ThisIsMythical Twitter: http://twitter.com/ThisIsMythical Other Mythical Channels: Good Mythical Morning: https://www.youtube.com/user/rhettandlink2 Good Mythical MORE: https://youtube.com/user/rhettandlink3 Rhett & Link: https://youtube.com/rhettandlink Credits: Hosted By: Micah Gordon & Colin Morris Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Cody D'Ambrosio Camera/Editor: Meggie Malloy Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes  To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to the Roundtable of Dim Lighting. I'm Micah. I'm Colin. And today we're going to see if we can remain positive about some traditionally frustrating or negative things. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of negativity in the world and most of it comes directly from Micah and I.

From you and I. Yeah. So we thought it would be a fun exercise. If we could just talk for a whole hour about things that we know bothers the other person, but just doing our best to, you know. Stay positive. Stay positive about it.

Yeah. Do you consider yourself to be an overly negative person, Micah? Absolutely, yes. I've worked on it for the last 10 years. I've made a little bit of progress, but not that yeah uh yeah no i'm super negative uh a lot of times people i'll like i'll be an accidental debbie downer by um by someone will be like i i had a i had a ham sandwich and i'm like oh ham's gross and that's that's how i react to that and then i go i'm sorry

that was really rude yeah because just let someone enjoy their ham sandwich. Yeah, it has nothing to do with you and your, yeah. I get it. So I don't know why I'm such a pessimistic person. I mean, it's so easy to just default to it, right? It is, yeah. It's just the easiest thing in the world to look at everything glass half empty and be annoyed all the time and just like pointing out

everybody's flaws and stuff. You know what I think it is? What's that? For me at least, it's like I assume that everyone's going to be on board and be like, yeah, that thing does suck. And then we're going to have a moment and we're going to get to like vent about it. Yeah.

And it's us against the world. Right. Like you're going to be the one that rallies everyone to uh ham sucks right guys we don't want anyone's like yeah i hate him yeah but really they're like you just ruined a thing i like thanks yeah um so when i was in high school yeah uh i saw this book cover yeah and the name of the book was Power of Positive Thinking and I didn't read the book

I figured I pretty much had it okay yeah think positively but that's essentially what we decided we wanted to do here we want to talk about things purposely that we know gets under our skin and you know just really gets us thinking negatively

and then just we have to talk about it positively under our skin and just really gets us thinking negatively and then just. We have to talk about it positively. We have to, we have to see the sunny side of the road for one hour and I can already see you sweating. Yeah, I'm terrified of this whole experience. We don't have any formal punishments, which would. I mean, we can berate each other, I feel like.

Yeah, I think we just have to keep each other on task. If you start going negative, I'm going to have to be like... Well, you know what, Micah? Actually, let's incorporate a little positivity into it. Why do punishments at all? How about you and I... Positive reinforcement? You and I reinforce each other's positive behavior for the next 40 minutes.

That is an excellent idea, Colin. And let's just be happy and enjoy the situation together. That sounds amazing. And I love your shirt, by the way. Thanks. I got it from wardrobe because I realized we were wearing the exact same shirt when we came and sat down in here. Good Mythical Morning.

If you haven't heard of it, check it out. Yeah, it's pretty popular. So yeah, we're going to have to try and be positive about things that I've prepared two things that I think you will hate and will have a hard time staying positive about.

Yeah. And you've prepared some things for me as well, yeah. Yeah, and you know what, Micah, I just want to say I'm grateful for the opportunity to discuss these things in a positive way right now. You've made it a competition now. No, I haven't. This is going to get extremely positive.

Thank you, Colin, for allowing me to be graced by your presence here today at the roundtable of dim lighting. You know what, Micah? I appreciate you saying that. And you're just super good at making people feel good. Colin, you're really good at thanking people. Okay. That was such a nice thank you.

And you've made me feel just so welcomed and appreciated. And you know what? I'm having the best day i've ever had that's awesome i'm so happy to hear it so we've agreed on a topic yes that is a parameter that we uh put our ourselves into yes and we put ourselves into a lot of parameters today but i think it's the perfect topic to stay positive on because everybody has a thousand gripes on this topic. There's so many things to get frustrated about. It's almost cliched.

It is. It's exactly cliched. Cliches don't come from anywhere. Or don't come from nowhere. Yeah. So that's my positive take on the cliche is it's universal. It's universal and that is why we chose it. And that topic is transportation

the most fun topic in the world yes don't you just love like going to a new place though i do i mean transportation enables us to explore yeah and i actually i do really love uh traveling it's been a long time since i've been out of the country because I kind of burnt out on it for a while. But it is a great thing to do. I really do love it. I agree. I spent the better part of three years working on the road and seeing almost all of the country and a few spots in Mexico and Canada. And it was an amazing opportunity.

And I wouldn't, wouldn't take that time back for anything in the world. Traveling is really important for the soul. It is. It is absolutely important for the soul and it's important to get to appointments in the South Bay or something. Yeah.

Culver City. Absolutely. And it takes about the same time to get there as it does to go to new orleans or wherever you went to new orleans right uh no i've never been to new orleans great that's what i thought um okay so do you want to who should start you want to you want to try and you want to try and make me yeah yeah well i i I think I want to give you the opportunity to see an annoyance in a new light. Okay.

So what I want to talk to you about right now is something, just knowing your personality. Yeah, I can't wait. Here's the thing. This is something you guys may not know about Micah if it isn't apparent, but Micah loves rules and order and things to be in their place and done a certain way.

Here's the thing, I do love rules and order. It's only because I do not understand humans. And I need them to abide by the same set of rules that I abide by in order to function in society. So that's why. It's rarely is it like this is the best way to do it. But I do need people to... I need a system in order to understand what anyone's doing. Okay.

You just can't relate to people on a human level. That's pretty much it. Okay. Gotcha. Well, then I think this one is going to be good because it does involve humans and uh in a very i don't i don't want to say intimate but it's like person on person no no but uh um traveling in an intimate way micah i want to know your opinion of people who stand on escalators. Oh, God. Oh, no.

Like, let's say, let's say, especially like. I love them. You do? Oh, yeah. Yeah. All right. Gotta stay positive. Especially what?

Well, let's say they have like a big roller bag or something. So there is no, there is no opportunity for passing. Okay. Well, a roller bag that you've, you've now given them an excuse to be standing there. Really? A roller bag on an escalator? Pick it up by the handle. Oh, that's true. Well, anyway, this is your time. Well, it depends. Are they, you know, maybe they're not maybe they're elderly and

or have two broken arms or something. Sure. Well, that's nice. I mean, so you're allowing context into the situation. Sure. That's understanding. There's always room for context. That's my motto. Gosh, okay. Standing on escalators.

Let's be positive. You know, sometimes you just need to take a load off. Yeah. And, you know, it can get really exhausting being on the train or whatever, standing there on the train, sitting on the train, and then you have to get onto an escalator. It's like you don't want to move those legs around. You want to, you need to just, you need to take a break, you know?

Yes. That's some me time. That's thinking time. It's like shower time. Yeah. Because I do my best thinking in the shower. Okay. So maybe everyone else in the world

does their best thinking on the escalator. Well, I mean, I like to do my thinking on a nice long walk, which is sort of the opposite of standing on an escalator because that is I mean, I like to do my thinking on a nice long walk, which is sort of the opposite of standing on an escalator, because that is a short, mobile stand. Yes, yeah, I mean, walking is great. I really love walking, and if I don't do enough walking

in any given day, I feel terrible, and like sore and exhausted, so I need to like get my blood moving. But gosh, why do people do this? Why would anyone do this? Focus, stay positive. So not only is it great to stand on an escalator when there are hundreds of people behind you,

but what you really wanna do is buddy up, you know, you wanna grab a partner and stand side by side. Oh, that's nice. Really just, cause that way you can really connect with your friend or with your lover, or children, whatever, whatever it is. You know what, go parent two children, three in a row.

Just take up the whole. Three wide. Three wide. On an escalator. Three little ducklings, yeah. That row. Just take up the whole. Three wide. Three wide. On an escalator. Three little ducklings, yeah. That's true because that's bonding time. You know, people are always in such a go, go, hurry them up kind of state in the world. So, you know, it's important just to sort of take like a moment.

That is true. It can't, you know, it can be seen genuinely. It can be seen, genuinely, it can be seen, my frustration with elevator standards, it can be seen as like, oh, you're such a busy, metropolitan, American, rushing around, taking no time to just smell the roses, et cetera. I actually do understand that, but I can't have a but because I have to stay positive. I do understand that point of view, genuinely.

I mean, do you like sort of, because I understand I'm very much the same way. You and I are similar personality and upbringing and stuff like that, so like it is, when it's time to move. Both from the northern suburbs of Chicago. That's right. When it's time to move you move yes in mckenry county let me tell you that much but i mean do do you like like having sort of even if it's forced on you do you like sort of having a moment where you have to like take a breath and just accept no what's around no if it's forced on me i will

be nothing but stress okay it will not be a relaxing moment uh if i'm if i'm stuck in a in a situation i hate feeling stuck in any in any in any capacity well can you rephrase that without the i love feeling unstuck there you go uh no but i i gosh positive about escalator standards i guess i guess it's um it ah that i've said all i can say about it it's it really yeah what if i were to give you okay so this is you really tricked me in this first one i this is hard if i were to give you 30 seconds right now to be negative about it uh you I were to give you 30 seconds right now to be negative about it, you think you could

fill that 30 seconds? All right, well, I'm not going to do that because that is not the premise of the show. That's fair enough. That's probably a good call. Well, you know what?

Maybe at the end we could blow off a little steam. There should be a section at the end like blowing off steam. Yeah, that's a good call because it's a good call

that I came up with. Yeah, but I repeated it back to you, so it's kind of my idea that's true it's affirmation it is thank you for that it was a great a great idea yeah um but i mean that's important you know there should be stress relieves and and stuff like that that's true you have to you have to get it out no one can be positive all the time, and we can be positive none of the time. Almost none of the time. I just think, I think, I think that the ideal system, it just, it seems odd to me that it hasn't, this hasn't migrated to America. Because I've seen it other places where it's just,

it's a stand on the right, walk on the left kind of situation. Everyone can do whatever they want. Because ultimately, I truly don't care what other people do. Yeah. It's just when it affects what I'm trying to do where I start to get negative about it. But I'm not going to do that now.

Yeah. Because they can lay down on the escalator and I would love it. Take a nap. Take a little nap. If there's room to pass on the left, you're saying. No. Oh, I'm trying to be positive. Well, you could be positive, but don't lie.

I wanna know your true feelings. Oh, okay. Well, my true feelings are, stand to the right. Well, there you go. But, oh, okay, how about this? Maybe next time you see it, here's a positive way to look at it. You can take that as an opportunity

to educate your fellow travelers as to escalator etiquette. Don't think I haven't thought about doing that. I would love to go around the world and just do that as my job. But I think everyone would hate me and I would have no friends. Well, yes, but that's like a sacrifice, an honorable sacrifice to make if one day

we could live in a world where escalators are treated properly. That's true. Yeah. Well, here's another positive, genuine positive about escalator standards is that if there is a staircase, I always 100% take it now. Sure. But when there's not a staircase, it can be frustrating. That's great though. That's having you get a little more cardio yeah i would rather this is the same actually uh are we are we going to discuss traffic at all or can i blow this right now i don't think we are uh uh this is the same with traffic i would rather uh take a long route uh through neighborhoods that will take me five minutes longer but i'm never stopped at a dead

stop then take the freeway five minutes quicker but but I'm stuck in traffic the entire time. Yes. And it's the same for escalators. Yeah, I hear you. I mean, it's a thing like sometimes when I don't know how to get out of a neighborhood necessarily, like which direction I have to go, but I'm in an area that I'm vaguely familiar with. I know if I get to this neighborhood, I'll be able to navigate myself home. So I'll do like Google for the first part of it. And I'll see that Google Maps wants me to get onto the highway. And then you're like, no. Yes, exactly. So then, but that's great because I can spend some time exploring a new, getting lost in, you lost in Encino.

Yeah. A wonderful place to get lost. Yeah. I think it says that on their sign, entering town. Encino, a wonderful place to get lost. Encino, we're assuming you weren't trying to get here. Don't listen to them, people of Encino. All right.

don't listen to them people of encino all right your work in the caveman defrosting oh yeah defrosting industry yeah it's big over there it was at one time i don't know if it's 1994 yeah for one glorious summer all right i have a i have one for you okay um let's see if you can stay positive about this i have a a feeling that you're gonna hate this. Oh, God. Okay. Again, I think that we probably have pretty similar thoughts about all of these. Yeah.

So it's easy to come up with ones for you because I'm just like, what do I hate? I don't hate that. All right. We live in a packed metropolis. It is. And what a cultural hub metropolis. It is. And what a cultural hub it is. It is a cultural hub.

Oh, an opportunity every day. Sorry, go on. But it is filled with people, and all of those people have their own car. Yes. And therefore, there are 20 billion cars in this freaking city, and it can be a lot.

And all those cars need to go somewhere. They need to be stored somewhere. Constant motion. Oh. No, they need to be stored. Don't. You're not. Because the other weird thing about LA is that very few driveways and garages,

especially for people of our ilk who can't afford their own houses. I'm like already. Yeah. I'm already getting like really upset micah uh i'd say about 50 to 90 percent of every los angelinos day is spent looking for parking street parking um but there are some people who uh apparently haven't haven't taken the time to notice their surroundings while parking. There is a rampant issue of parallel parkers leaving too much space between cars so that they take up maybe a two-car spot with one car. They're positioned weirdly, or they position themselves a little too far from the driveway

so that there's like a half car's length in front of them and behind them where a car could have fit if they had just repositioned um so what do you think of that i think there's literally no way i'm gonna be positive about this dude that that cuts me to the core of my being that is the thing i've i fantasies. Which you know what, I like fantasies. And I like superheroes, but I have fantasies almost every night, because it takes me about 20 minutes to park when I get home from work because of that issue specifically.

Oh you do live in a particularly bad area for that. Yes, and two blocks over there was a street that was formally not permit parking only and about three months ago it became permanent parking and now the whole ecosystem is thrown into shambles oh wow because everyone who used to park on that street is now parking on my street and well if I may Colin yes here's a positive spin on this. Okay. Buy a permit. Yeah, I know. You gotta get downtown and do something. Then you gotta find parking there and it's a whole thing. No, no, no.

I should do that. Because then you have... Then I have all of that block. Yeah. No, that's a good problem solve right there. Yeah. And I think one day... They're not even expensive. They're very cheap, actually. It's just going to City Hall. That's taxing on your soul. It is.

That's like a year's worth of salary right there. I would give up one year's worth of salary to not go to City Hall ever again. You can't do it by mail? No, you can't do that by mail. But I just got my driver's license renewed by mail. Yeah. That was kind of cool. I opened the thing and it said,

this is actually really positive. I'll get to your topic in a second. That's fine. I opened the letter from the DMV, which normally you see a letter from the DMV. You're like, oh, great, here we go. But I opened it and in big, bold letters at the top, it said, congratulations,

you're eligible for renewing your license by mail. Oh. And I like that. It's an eligibility issue? I guess. I don't know. What makes you ineligible? I did not look that gift horse in the mouth.

You don't have a mailbox? Yeah. What could it possibly be? You have to be like an upstanding citizen? I think it's probably if you have like points against your license or something like that or you may need to take a new test or something like that. That's some really like paternalistic behavior there from the government. It's like, oh, you're a bad boy, so you can't do this by mail.

There's no actual functional reason why you wouldn't be able to. Well, if you need to retake the exam. Oh, okay. Yeah. If you have points on your license and you need to retake the exam. You said that before, but I just didn't listen to it. But that's okay because I like hearing myself talk and i got to say the thing i said twice so you're welcome thank you micah that's really kind of you um but yeah so all that

aside a permit would be a wonderful thing to have um in my neighborhood yeah but i drive by and i look at each and every one of those cars for blocks around and I see I I it's a compulsion I go three feet in front I'm like foot and a half behind you just see your car talking to yourself yeah exactly like like squeezing the wheel knuckle like there's nail imprints in my steering wheel sometimes um but I I had this like fantasy that if i were magneto from the x-men i would not be evil i would just adjust people's cars for them all day long i would fly around the city moving cars a foot and a half that all day is the most altruistic superhero imaginable oh heck so much better than fighting baddies or aliens or whatever. Those fights cause entire cities to be destroyed.

Sure, you're good. You're the good guy, but you still destroyed all of New York. The only evil you're fighting is misuse of space. Exactly. That's brilliant. You should write that comic. Thank you. I may.

I also, when I was a kid, I also wanted to be able to make quarters appear by opening and closing my fist that would devalue the quarter well no but here's the thing it's kind of a scam but you know we don't need to talk about capitalism but I had the fantasy of walking around and just feeding parking meters

oh no that's nice it would still theoretically devalue the quarter. Right, but inside the meter, it'd take them a while to figure it out. Unless your power is that you can take a quarter out of a bank vault. Ooh, yeah, I would be into that.

Or just like right out of the mint. Sure, yeah. Like brand new, shiny. But it has to be one that they were already making. Because if you have the power to just manifest money, then it devalues money. Right, yeah. I mean, I think money makes no sense.

It doesn't make any sense. It's stupid, it's a stupid idea. But we love money. We do love it. We love it. I don't think we're doing a great job of being positive. Okay, so you haven't actually been positive about bad parallel parking.

I'm gonna think of something positive about this. Like, it's gonna, there's something, I know it, but before we do that, let's just, let's check in with Rhett and Link real quick. Okay. Greetings, Mythical Beasts, from the set of Buddy System season two. We are in my trailer, which is why it sounds weird

and different than your normal listening experience you've been having on this Ear Biscuit. Yes, and one of the things that we have been doing while filming Buddy System Season 2 is snacking. We have been snacking a whole... I've been snacking a lot more than I typically snack. Well, because between... I mean, we do get a lunch time, but it's at weird times. Like, if you start shooting at 9 in the morning, our lunch is until 3 o'clock.

And then in between scenes, you get hungry. I got to snack, man. Working hard, got to snack. And there's a place where we can go and get snacks. And I've been making, I want to confess, I've been making a lot of bad choices this summer. Not morally, but just with my snacks. Nutritionally.

Yes, I've been eating a lot of snacks that don't give me a lot of nutrients, but give me a lot of calories, because those are the ones that you just typically naturally turn to in a moment of need and little thought when you just want a snack, when you have a snack attack. Oh yeah, and just ask my GI tract. But NatureBox has come to our rescue with over 100 snacks!

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My favorite is the Sour Cream and Onion Straws. You got that savory crunchiness. Yeah, I like those too. That fulfills my need for where I normally go to chips that I shouldn't be eating. You can get in on this too. It's so simple. Just go to naturebox.com, choose the snacks you want, and Naturebox will deliver them right to your door. And there's no risk. If you ever try a snack you don't like, don't eat it. Naturebox will replace it for free. Okay, Mythical Beasts, we have a special deal for you.

Three free snacks with your first order when you go to naturebox.com slash Ear Biscuits. Gotta make sure to go there now. naturebox.com slash Ear Biscuits for three free snacks with your first order. naturebox.com slash Ear Biscuits. Now, on with the biscuit. Now back to being more positive. Okay, yes. So, I suppose the good thing about that is it allows less considerate people easier access to leaving their parking spot and potentially driving away from my neighborhood,

maybe never to return. Yeah, they get to drive away a little quicker. Yeah, they get to drive away a little quicker. Yeah, they get to drive away a little quicker, they can head back to WeHo, and I don't have to think about them anymore. You're assuming that they all live in WeHo, all the bad parkers. No, I like WeHo, I hang out in WeHo's.

It's just fine. There's also a dearth of parking there, too. Oh, what is a dearth? I think I used that term right, it's a lack parking there, too. Oh, what is a dearth? I think I used that term right. It's a lack. Oh, okay. Yeah? It is?

I'm going to Google it right now. Dearth. This is fascinating radio. A scarcity or lack of something. You not knowing the word made me question if I knew the word. Sure. I mean, I know few of the words in the English language I know not

many of the words but okay so yeah that's one way to look at it and I suppose I get it here's the thing I am a bumper bumper and I can understand your perspective of not

wanting me to just hit your car. Yes. Because I want to park and be done. That is what bumpers are for. But it's like really in the title, isn't it? Yeah. They're for bumping. I think they're great for bumping.

They're tailor made. I don't know why steel bumpers went away from cars. Steel bumpers were great. Were they? Sure. Like on old trucks and stuff? Did they not like fly out through windshields and like. Oh, that might be it.

Page people's skulls or something. That sounds like something. Yeah. Ralph Nader probably had to crusade against. Yeah. Ralph Nader. What a, what a fun pull. Cause, cause the seatbelt thing.

Cause the seatbelt thing. Yeah. He, he is, he was responsible for seatbelts being. Uh, he invented the seatbelt. And, uh,. And he is the co-creator of the internet with Al Gore. The original seatbelt was a man's

belt that was clipped onto these sharp steel hooks that were just randomly put into cars for no discernible reason. And you just slipped your belt into it. You just wrap it into your pants and then if you got into an accident, you would still go through the windshield

but then you would swing back. So at least you stayed with your car. That is the important part. When they get to the scene of the crime, the crime, the crash, you're still in your car. And that's Ralph Nader.ader i just had the most okay you just gave me the most like horrible memory uh do you remember in driver's ed when you had to uh watch uh red asphalt i don't think i ever

watched that you didn't watch that one may have but yes i know the general idea yeah so i remember i was in driver's ed and uh our wrestling coach who taught driver's ed, of course. Well, wrestlers are classically great drivers. Yeah, absolutely. Everybody knows that. It's a thing. The knowledge base of one area transfers directly. One for one.

One for one. Over to the other. Absolutely. They make great health teachers as well. Yeah. One for one. One for one. Over to the other. Absolutely. They make great health teachers as well. But he was describing to the class this idea. He's like, no, a lot of people don't want to wear seatbelts because they think that if they get into an accident, they'll be thrown from their car to safety.

What? Nobody thinks that. He thought that. He thought that. That's why he said it. What? Nobody thinks that. He thought that. He thought that. That's why he said it. He used to think that. He still does think it. He just,

they're forcing him to teach the opposite. He thinks that. He thinks that. I mean, it just blew my mind the thought process of flying through

a pane of glass and landing like 50 feet away is somehow safer than being in an iron box. When you eject from the car, you can land safely in a patch of grass. A nice, soft, billowy patch of grass, which is readily available. I mean, I know you grew up in the same place as me, but that is like an eerily good impression of my high school wrestling coach. I know what a high school coach sounds like in Chicago. All right, there's gotta be something that I genuinely think is good about this.

I'm like, I'm determined now. I have an idea. Okay, please. It's not necessarily good that comes from it, but it is a positive spit on it. Okay. I have an idea. Okay, please. It's not necessarily good that comes from it,

but it is a positive spit on it. Okay. So I was in Minneapolis two Thanksgivings ago. My sister-in-law is from there, so my whole family goes every year to her family's place. That's nice. Yeah, and I went for the first time, joined them two Thanksgivings ago,

and one of the most remarkable things that I noticed was it was a nice city, big city, real city, cool, really cool stuff, cool neighborhoods, et cetera. This sounds a little, like I'm talking down to, condescending to. It was like going to an actual city, you guys. I'm prefacing with this because what I'm about to say is that there was so much parking.

Parking was just abundant and free and joyous. It was a happy moment. It was like a fun experience. You go, you take your car, and you park wherever you want. You can literally just stop your car, get out. It's fine. It doesn't matter. So, you know, in Minneapolis, you don't need to worry about,

oh, how close am I to the curb? Am I going to be screwing someone over by not pulling up enough, et cetera? Oh, well, a Mini Cooper could fit here. Probably a Mini Cooper's here less. Should I leave more room or less room, et cetera? And do that math. Sometimes it's like, oh, I can leave this much in front of me, this much behind me.

Sorry, not to cut you off, but do you get out of your car and repark if you – Okay. God, I do you get out of your car and repark if you, okay, God, I love you, Micah. Yeah, I could. Everyone, just get out of your car and repark if you did it wrong. I have human empathy. It takes so little time.

I care about my fellow man. Leave your car running. I don't understand them, but I care about them. Yeah, leave it running. Get out and check. Get out and check. A quick check. Two seconds.

It takes two seconds. You know what, I got eight inches. I'll take those eight inches. What are you saying? I said if I got eight inches. I'll take those eight inches. What are you saying? I said if I got eight inches, I'll take them eight inches is what I'm saying. Okay. But also with parking. Sometimes a parking spot is just a parking spot, Micah.

Okay. This is a recurring theme with things that you say to me. You said that in our smoker video about a grill, being just a grill. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, what I was getting at was that parking like that is a luxury. Yes. It means that you're carefree,

you come from a place where this daily stress is not a part of the life there. So they're almost contributing, they're almost acting as if LA is a paradise when it's not. So it's like bringing a little bit of paradise back to LA. Okay, so it's almost like an escape. And actually, as much as this does bother me, I will admit that I have done it,

and I've justified it in exactly the way you described. It's like I'm exhausted or whatever my excuse is there's no excuse for this kind of behavior no and I don't want to I don't want to seem like it's something we should be doing but I remember at one point thinking like I earned it today I'm just gonna I'm just gonna go all mirrors, not turning my neck. I earned someone else's suffering. I earned someone else's suffering for my fleeting happiness.

Oh you know what, I do have. I mean we live in a society, so yeah. That's the downfall of our civilization. Is that when you have something someone else doesn't? Well is that excusing bad behavior because I want to. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, it's something I want, though. Yeah.

Right, right. And look, man, I'm telling you, this is like, this is maybe twice in the seven years I've lived in it. No, I know you, you're a good person, it's fine. Everyone makes mistakes. Yeah, exactly. I'm sure I've parked like a jerk. Everyone's like, oh.

I've come back to my car and seen that I parked like a jerk and not realizing and felt horrible. Sure, yes, of course. I felt horrible. Of course that happens. One time I parked, this is crazy. Okay, I lived in my place for like a year. I was in a particularly bad space mentally.

Everything was going wrong for about six months right after I moved into my place. Okay. Towards the end of this period, my car got towed. I wake up in the morning to a text from my neighbor

saying, I think your car's getting towed. No, no, it didn't even say that. It said, I think your car just got towed. Oh. Cool.

Great. Timely. Thanks for the timely text. No, it was good that she texted me at all because- No, of course. Yeah. Otherwise, it would have cost way more because it's like by the hour. Yeah. Thanks for the timely text. It was good that she texted me at all. No, of course. Otherwise it would have cost way more because it's by the hour.

So I went out. Indeed, my car was not there. I called the number, found the place. It turns out that I parked in front of my neighbor's driveway. Oh. I have no idea how that happened, how I achieved that wonderful feat. And I even asked, I was like, I can't imagine this is true, that this really happened. Because I, not me, not me.

So I asked the tow truck driver for pictures and he was like, oh yeah, I got pictures. And he showed them to me and sure enough, I was right in front of their driveway. Wow. I felt so bad about it. Like full bore, like. Like two thirds of my car right in front of their driveway.

Wow. I have to imagine that there's like this weird situation where there's like a fake driveway right on the corner and then a real driveway. And so sometimes people like park in weird ways there or like cover half of the real driveway because they live there or something like that. So I have to imagine I just filled in that space and didn't realize, didn't pay attention. But even if I did, I don't know how it happened, but it cost me like $250 to get my car out and pay the ticket and everything. And I wrote a note and put it on the mailbox that I was like, hey, I'm the guy who parked in front of your driveway yesterday. I'm really sorry.

I have no idea how that happened. Anyway, sorry. I just like wrote a little note because I felt really bad that they had to deal with that in the morning. You're a wonderful person, Micah. That is. you're a wonderful person my god that is i the the the biggest emotion i felt was stupid yeah and like annoyed with myself yeah i mean i i was a little embarrassed but that wasn't even because i think embarrassment can lead to people acting out you know okay to hide it they're like well i deserve blah blah i'm indignant then i probably am right but that wasn't even part of it it was

like i was like just kind of at a low, an emotional low. I was like, what did I do? Just feeling annoyed. Yeah. With my own behavior. I mean,

that's great. You see, I lived in a house that had a driveway right off of a pretty busy street, right off of Sunset Junction, which is like a lot of shops, a lot of bars and restaurants,

very busy, very popular. And they're kind of intense about the parking over there with ticketing and citations and stuff. So it is a difficult neighborhood to park in. And I'm glad that I had a driveway when I lived there. Oh, that's nice. It was very nice. But people would park in front of our driveway constantly.

Day and night, we were blocked in all the time. And it takes about four to five hours to get a tow truck. all the time and it takes about four to five hours to get a tow truck really yes it takes about four to five hours aren't they thirsty to get you would think so but it's like it's tow truck companies and the city of los angeles are kind of like cats if you pay them any attention they are looking out the window uh but as soon as you're trying to like sleep or eat yeah they are on top of your chest, licking your nose. Yeah, because when I got into an accident,

there were six tow trucks that showed up before the cops did, because they heard it on the radio. They listened into the cops' radios. Yeah, yeah. And none of them were AAA, and the cop was like, he was like,

before I leave, you're AAA, right? And the guy was like, yeah. And he left left not triple a and so he ended up leaving me and i had to call triple a wow yeah he was trying to take me to his buddy's shop in like beverly hills which is not where i got into the accident and there's nowhere near it yeah um yeah anyway so that's surprising that they wouldn't want to take take advantage and make a little money. You would think so. But here's my point. So we used to leave. We actually, positive spin, my roommates and I would have a great time

drafting passive aggressive notes for these cars. Yeah. Things like, hey, I hope you have a good time at Bar Stella today. And it would be great if you got back here before the tow truck arrives but it has been called stuff like that we would do stuff like that that note I mean won't get to them

until they get to their car so it right well my hope is that the tow truck comes it gets impounded that they go pick it up and there's the note waiting for it under the ticket yes that's my hope of hopes but we if I ever received that note that you wrote i would be like instantly a late a leave of all my aggression and all that like pain and i'm sure

they were like what idiot i'm sure they were mad of course why wouldn't you be so yeah hopefully that relieved it yeah yeah no it's very frustrating, but yeah. You know what, I'm proud of you, Micah. Hey, thanks buddy. Yeah, absolutely. See, I exist in a society, I think about the way my actions affect other people a lot. Like maybe too much.

Yeah, it could be a thing. I'm not saying I'm, like I can absolutely be a jerk, but it's just like, I don't know, it's a weird thing that is like always floating around in my head. Yeah.

No, I feel the same way. I understand what you're saying. No, no. I feel the same way, man. You know what? Because when you're as good as we are, when we're as good

at being positive, which we've done a great job of doing. Yeah. Do you have more for me? I do. I have some notes on the floor I can go for. You want another one? Yeah.

Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll keep these ones quick. Okay, yeah, yeah. We'll do this one. A little lightning round. What do I have here? Oh, okay.

Here we go. This is to stay on the tangent of cars. Okay. Because it's just sort of. Classic mode of transportation. In LA, it's one of the only ones. So how do you feel about, this is another sort of etiquette question too,

four-way stops, like stop signs. Uh-huh. to four-way stops, like stop signs. I find often that when people arrive at a four-way stop sign they will just drive through it regardless of whose turn it may be. I find that as well. I actually find that it's a new phenomenon. Yeah, yeah,, I agree.

Like honestly, within the last year, four-way stops have gotten to become free-for-alls. They're just anarchy. I don't know what it is. I don't either. So this is a good one. It's a, yeah. Let me try and be positive about this. So this happened this morning, actually.

There's one stop between my house and work that this is like the biggest example biggest example of this phenomenon where it's just like because there's a school it's like parents on their way to or from dropping the kids off at school and so i i was at the stop um uh you know it's four ways and these two cars got here went went as I was arriving so the how do I even, the perpendicular street went right as I was arriving. Okay. So then there's me and the car across from me facing me. Do you make eye contact? Are you like, hey buddy, we're on this

together? And that car is turning left. So usually, I actually don't remember what the rule is for this but I let that car go first usually. Okay. So that car turns left and then I go. And as I'm going in the middle of the intersection, and this is full stop. There's like five cars at each stop sign.

Yeah. The car right behind the car that just turned left starts going. I was like, in what world is this your turn? In what world, buddy? In the positive world. In the positive world. In the positive world. You know what?

People have, you know, some people are having a bad day. They have to rush somewhere. They have, they have. It's no fun to rush. It's no fun to rush. And you know what? You don't know. I don't know what that second left turner was doing.

Maybe he or she was trying, got a text message from their loved one that they're choking. It's like, oh, you just dropped off the kid. Well, guess what? I'm at home choking on like an entire hot dog. Can you text 911? I don't know, probably not.

You can barely call 911 in LA. It takes about 15 to 20 minutes to get through. What did you have to call 911? Are you okay? I'm fine, I call it every day just to check in. Make sure that they're still there just in case they need them. Yeah, yeah.

No, I've called 911, it was a terrible experience. It wasn't in LA, I was calling on behalf of my friend i was in chicago my friend was in san francisco she called me on her cell phone on her way home from a bar as women sometimes do to for a safety issue okay um but it turns out uh after this happened i i kind of was reading up on it and it's not actually the best tactic a better tactic to remain safe on the streets is just to be alert and not have anything in your ears. Supposedly. So she calls me, we're chatting,

in the middle of it she yells an obscenity which I will not repeat on this podcast. The bad one, the real heavy one. And it's not that bad. The F one. It's just the worst one of all of them. There's so much worse than that. Yeah, I guess you're right.

You terrified me. The classically bad one. And drops the phone, or the phone cuts out, and I'm like, oh my God. Yeah, yeah. My friend just got murdered. Yeah. So I call 911, and I get Chicago 911.

Yeah. And I'm like, so my friend's in San Francisco and she just dropped the phone and screamed and they're like, okay, hold on. And I hear the woman, ka-chunk, a binder onto the desk, flip through the pages, it's about a four minute process. San Francisco, do you know where? No, okay, flip, flip, flip, flip, flip.

Okay. Do you have a pen and paper? I was like, no. Hold on. I had to go find pen and paper. She reads me off a number for the San Francisco Police Department. I call them.

They will not open a case. They can't make a case number unless they have an address. Don't know why. So I didn't even know where she lived. I didn't know what bar she was at, where she was going. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I didn't even know what part of San Francisco she was in. So I couldn't open a case. So every time I had to get new information, like call friends to find her address, et cetera, I had to go through this process all over again, start from scratch. Wait, you didn't call Chicago 911 every time, did you? Yeah, I just wanted to check in with her

and just let her know what was happening because she seemed worried um so so yeah so this took uh a total of about 25 to 35 minutes uh-huh just to like get that like any of this happening and then before they could even send a cop out, she called me from her sister's phone. It was like, I got mugged. I'm fine. My phone, they took my phone. I'm at my sister's house now. Wow. Yeah.

So good thing that's all that happened because there wouldn't be a happy ending. But that's my 911 experience. But four-way stops. Yeah. I think I said all I can say about it. If your loved one is choking at home, who cares about these other people?

You gotta get where you gotta go. That's true, prioritize. The people in your life are truly the greatest treasure. Of course, yes. If you have to piss off a couple strangers in order to save a loved one, well worth it. Absolutely. And then just go back to that four-way stop

with a handwritten note. I'm so sorry about my behavior. Yeah, exactly. My daughter will be fine. Yeah, she's fine. Thank you for your understanding. I got to tell her not to eat whole hot dogs without chewing at 8 a.m. Right.

That's more of a lunch item than a breakfast item. All right. I got one final one for you. I'm going to take it away from cars. Okay, that's good. And into the friendly skies. All right, I got one final one for you. I'm gonna take it away from cars. Okay, that's good. And into the friendly skies. All right. Listen, you talked about how this was a little cliche

in general, this topic. But this is the most cliche part of this cliche topic is air travel, right? Yeah. Every stand-up comedian's gonna joke about what's the deal with airplanes? They're so crazy. Why the peanuts?

I got a tight 25 on it, man. Well, we got time. Let's do it. Let's hear it all. Listen, it's not tight. I lied. It's a loosey-goosey 25. It is just a wobbly flim-flamming and zip-zopping around.

I mean, air travel is a nightmare. I would much rather travel by train if it were a viable option. It takes so long to get to the airport, et cetera. The thing about train travel is I find that there's far too many murder mysteries breaking out. There are, yeah. A lot of murders happen on trains. I was like, come on. And they're all mysteries.

They're not easily solved. They're so mysterious. Well, it's because they're going through the tunnels. And that's when they always strike. Dark in there. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, airplanes.

The thing that I wanted to discuss is while you're in the air. Excuse me. I'm getting a little choked up about this. Are you all right, man? I just got the burps. Okay. There's going to be inevitably someone sitting next to you. Yeah.

God forbid you have the middle seat. Then you got two people next to you. Yep. But there's only one armrest colin and that is a battle to be fought because who gets it how do you split it up what is the unspoken agreement here between you and your neighbor elbow fighting on airplanes The unspoken agreement is give it to the middle seat. Mm. Yeah.

I like that. Give it to the middle seat. Yes. I'm a firm believer in that. If I have an aisle or a window, I don't put my arm on the middle. You got one already. I've got one, and I've either got a view or I've got easier access to the bathroom, like whatever.

There's compromises and stuff. So I believe that the person in the middle should have it automatically. This should be an announcement on the plane before it takes off. Oh, my God. This should be established law. There should be a law about this. This makes so much sense. The middle seat is the worst seat.

They should get two. Everyone's bummed. Everyone's bummed to have the middle seat you know because a lot of times i i travel a lot and i actually i don't like necessarily the act of flying but i love i love having access to airplanes you have so much access to airplanes i have a lot of x i have more access to airplanes than a lot of people you could go get an an airplane right now. Right down the street. Dude, we are like seven minutes from an airport right now. That's access right there. That is access to airplanes.

Yes. So, although the one that we're close to doesn't fly anywhere. It does. It just costs a lot of money and stops in Phoenix. Yeah. Yeah. So, basically, it's a bus to Phoenix. It's a bus to Phoenix to get on's a bus to phoenix to get on an airplane

to go to chicago yeah yeah what if they just taxi it all the way to phoenix just on the on the 10 um no but i i have had that situation i mean i so I went to Ireland about six, seven months ago. I can't remember when exactly. That's where you got that shirt. That's where I got this lovely Irish shirt. Traditional Irish garb. For the listener, he's wearing a green tie-dye T-shirt

that has appeared on the mannequin, I believe, in GMM episodes. That's right, it has. In our Body Swap episode. Yeah. But so that's a long flight. And with the time change, time change and layover, it took me exactly 24 hours to get to Dublin from LAX.

That's a trick. So I took off at 8.45 in the morning and I landed at 8.45 in the morning the following day. Okay. But it wasn't actually 24 hours of travel. No it wasn't. It's disorienting right? It is for sure. So then I'm there for a while I was there for like two weeks and it was wonderful

I had a great time and it was a magical experience etc. Yeah yeah yeah yeah air travel on the way back i you can imagine i'm pretty exhausted right it's been a long trip and i'm about to get onto this very excruciating plane and i uh draw the middle seat on the way back i had the window on the way there so i'm like that, that's fine. It's a balance. You know, I can, I can be positive about it. Yeah. The universe is in balance. I'm, but I was feeling a bit territorial because it's, you know, you were ready to fight. Yeah. Uh, so I established early my dominance over the armrests, like locked in like little claws over the end of them well you're an alpha traveler

it's right there on your ticket yeah yeah i just wanted to make sure because as much as that should be a rule that you just out of the kindness of your heart give it to the person in the middle a lot of people don't know and so sometimes you just uh you just gotta take what's yours. And so I did. I went for it. And dude next to me, I swear to God, for nine and a half hours with this stranger. And I just remember like screaming inside my mind. Jams his elbow in like that. And then just takes a centimeter of the armrest. So for nine and a half hours, our forearms are just touching. Just full lock.

The whole flight. Oh, man. And I couldn't budge. I couldn't give him an inch because I – He can't win. He can't win in this situation because this isn't about my ego. This is about like good versus evil. I couldn't allow him to have that.

I almost didn't go to the bathroom the entire flight because i didn't want him to have the opportunity yeah um but i reached this tipping point where i almost like screamed because you know i didn't really have a bed for two weeks and like i was traveling i was you know anyway there was no like creature comforts for the last two weeks in my life and i wanted so badly to not be touched right by another human being right for like eight minutes and i could have like just let it all go but he wasn't allowing that for me if i could just just had if i could have just had my safe little bubble for a few moments i I could have gotten through it. But I, that's the worst part about traveling,

especially if I, I don't know if you got like hotel rooms for yourself, if you're doing hostels. I was just doing hostels. That's, it's exhausting because you have no, you have, you at no point for the,

for two and a half weeks or however long you're there, you don't have, you have no bubble. You have no personal space at all. And that is really taxing. But it is taxing. i mean that is that was my entire intention of that trip was to put myself into a different sort of mind state yeah i wanted to be i was like feeling a little too good about myself i wanted to just be surrounded by people at all times no problem i would uh when I was staying in Dublin, I hated, this is travel related.

Sure. Yeah. When I was staying in Dublin, I hated the hostel I was in so badly. But it was like the weekend of a big like football match. So like there weren't a ton of options. And so I went across the street to uh trinity uh university and for like two days in a row i just spent my afternoons taking naps on campus of like a beautiful 200 year old university and i was just like it was lovely that's a really good idea yeah i watched

like you know the kids playing rugby practice and stuff like that. Pick up a couple tricks? I guess this is my positive take on the elbow space thing. No matter what is happening to your elbow, you can always escape into the world of fonder memories. So it's a practice in stress management. So it's a practice in stress management, it's a practice in sort of, just like a zen-like quality where you can. When the world, the exterior world is causing you stress,

you can move inside and focus all of your energy on centering yourself. Right, or into a fiery ball of rage. No, no, no. On centering yourself. Okay, centering yourself. Positive. I once had a guy on a plane. Well, I've had a lot of elbow things on planes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I once had a guy on a plane. I was sitting in the window seat. I believe the center seat was open, which is nice. Oh, I thought you were going to say he sat in it anyway. No, no. Well, this is maybe crazier than that. But I actually have had a lot of good luck

on planes getting the center seat open okay next to me but he was on the aisle and i'm just chilling in my seat and and he starts to talk to me and i'm kind of like i don't want to talk to someone on a plane that's kind of my general mo but he asks me if we can switch because he likes to look out of the window this is just a man just a 45 year old european man well dressed just a guy he's like hi can we switch the can i have the seat you paid for so i can look out of the window this is just i mean i guess but here's the thing is that i'm so uncomfortable with this kind of interaction that i was like okay and i let him have it for a couple minutes and i went to the bathroom when i came back i was i like i was like can i get that back and we switched back oh well okay yeah but my normal inclination would not be to give like well yeah i mean i get it i

would never impose myself on someone like that because a crazy imposition it is yeah but i would rather if you think about a grand scheme of things it's not all that horrible of a thing to ask of course not it was not what and if you're a person unlike you or i someone with a backbone maybe you could have said no i mean obviously you and i could sit next to that guy for the rest of the for the remainder of the flight right no that's awful and he it was just weird phrasing. He was like, I don't want to do a European accent because it's maybe offensive. So I'll just do it in my normal voice.

But he was like, can we switch? I like to look. I was like, well, that's great for you that you like to look. I also like to look. That's why I got this seat. Looking is great. It'd be like if I went to Subway, got a roast beef sandwich, and then a guy with a tuna sandwich was like,

hi, can we switch? I love roast beef. Well, then get a roast beef sandwich. This is my sandwich. I'm not automatically entitled to all the roast beef in the world just because I bought this sandwich sandwich but this sandwich is my sandwich right i'm not crazy right yeah yeah i i don't think you're crazy micah that was not okay i don't think we did a great job i don't think so either man you know what so i i know we

talked about early about maybe doing like a negative thing to blow off some steam but i think we got that out of the way i think we did i think most of do you want to just real quick before we go just say something that like makes you happy uh to sort of just like be like genuinely positive yes second but i'm gonna need a minute to think of something okay all right uh i've got one locked and loaded um spending time with my friend micah oh yeah well you really put me in a position now well you you better respond the way i expect you to you would better uh we do spend a lot of time together because we work every day together and we're on an improv team together yes it's six days a week,

occasionally seven. Yeah, every once in a while, seven. I, okay, I'll, you know, I'll return the favor

but I am genuine. I like being in scenes with you. Oh. We perform improv together and Colin's a real fun guy to be in a scene with.

Oh, thanks man. You never know what he's gonna do but it's always a good move. Oh, thanks, man. You never know what he's going to do, but it's always a good move. Oh, dude. Keeps you on your toes, but he supports the scene.

He makes it fun. That is honestly really nice and really great to hear. Thanks, man. Yeah, you're welcome. That makes me feel really good about myself. Good, I'm glad. Thanks, dude. All right, well, guys,

this has been Mike and I's's episode of Crew Biscuits. Thanks for listening. I hope you were able to make it to the end of this. Yeah, I hope that we said anything remotely positive. I think we did. It's hard to remember. It's all a blur. It's like a whiteout of just rage.

But I think we tried to find at least one positive spin on every negative thing that we brought up yeah alright thanks everybody thanks guys