Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 114: Our First Kiss Stories | Ear Biscuits Ep. 114

Episode Date: October 2, 2017

Rhett & Link talk about their first kisses -- from what it was like for them to have their first kiss with the same girl to failed first kiss attempts, are joined by Becca & Ellie of the Mythical Crew to talk their first kisses, and cover a sample of Mythical Beast first kisses as submitted by listeners on this week's Ear Biscuits. Listen to Ear Biscuits at:  Apple Podcasts: http://apple.co/29PTWTM Spotify: http://spoti.fi/2oIaAwp Art19: https://art19.com/shows/ear-biscuits SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/earbiscuits Follow This Is Mythical: Facebook: http://facebook.com/ThisIsMythical Instagram: http://instagram.com/ThisIsMythical Twitter: http://twitter.com/ThisIsMythical Other Mythical Channels: Good Mythical Morning: https://www.youtube.com/user/rhettandlink2 Good Mythical MORE: https://youtube.com/user/rhettandlink3 Rhett & Link: https://youtube.com/rhettandlink Hosted By: Rhett & Link Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Cody D'Ambrosio Production Manager: Jacob Moncrief Technical Director: Meggie Malloy Editor: Meggie Malloy & Ty Schmieder Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes Featuring: Ellie McElvain & Becca Canote To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're gonna be talking about first kiss stories. We've got stories, you've got stories, and we've actually got some of our Mythical Entertainment crew members

who also have some stories. Yeah, so we're gonna go down memory lane. Okay. And it's gonna get a little awkward. Well no, it won't get awkward, we'll just be unpacking the awkward. So maybe that'll make it less awkward. Sometimes that makes people feel awkward

when you talk about awkward things. I think, but it won't in this case. Not in this case. Don't you worry. No awkward analogies or anything. But you know what? I wanted to make sure before we talked about that, that if you, Rhett, have gone to any other doctor, I just wanted to make absolutely sure.

Just checking in? I did not miss. Like I'm just starting to develop a habit of like, hey, you know, tell me about your doctor visit. Like I don't even know if you've been to the doctor, I'm just like, well, how was your doctor's visit today? It is worth asking though, because I went to the doctor today.

You hit the bullseye, man. Oh gosh. You hit the bullseye once again. The whole target is a bullseye, man. Oh gosh. You hit the bullseye once again. The whole target is a bullseye. It's just a red, it's just a cool red thing on the wall. It's not a dart board at all. I went. It's a decoration. Stop throwing darts at it.

This was a follow-up appointment. I told my whole ENT, my double ENT visit, you know, that was like weeks ago. And then what I didn't even tell anybody about it. It feels like yesterday. I told, well, I told you guys about it, but I didn't tell the Ear Biscuiteers about this. I went to another ENT that was closer,

that wasn't so far away. Yeah, because you didn't like the answer. You wanted something worse. You wanted somebody to tell you something worse. No. We were. But that's not even the doctor that you went to this morning.

Yeah it is, it is, same guy. Okay. So like six weeks, so we're talking about, by the time you hear this, we will be on our tour, right? When this comes out,? When this comes out? When will this come out? 10-2. Oh this is 10-2, so we'll be about,

it'll be a couple weeks out from our tour. But at the time, so I went to the other ENT twice and he was like, you don't really have, like you know, it's just, he gave me all the prescriptions and stuff and I slowly got better. But then I started realizing, I don't think I'm getting better fast enough to feel confident to go on tour and like sing and talk

and, you know, and I know the songs that we're gonna sing in the show and I'm like starting to worry about my voice being able to hold up. And when I like try to begin to practice them, my voice starts like not being able to do it. So I was like, I'm gonna starting to worry about my voice being able to hold up and when I like try to begin to practice them, my voice starts like not being able to do it. So I was like, I'm gonna go to a guy who's local

because maybe it's something else, maybe it's allergies, maybe it's, maybe there's something else going on. I'm gonna get a second opinion from somebody who's closer. And so I went and the guy did the whole thing with the thing in your throat video. And again, he confirmed there's nothing, there's no nodes or anything specifically wrong. It's just a general irritation from something.

He was like, it's either allergies, but it might be acid reflux. And I'm like acid reflux. So he gives me a prescription for basically generic Nexium or whatever or something that's like a, what do they call it? Protein pump something, I don't know what it is. Basically makes your stomach make less acid.

So I'm like a week into taking that just as a precaution. But then he's also like, and you should come back for an allergy test just to make sure that it's not allergies. In the meantime, basically he sees the writing on the wall that this tall guy, well I can milk him for everything. I'm gonna give him this drug, I'm gonna give him this test. Oh man, we got a whole, I got a whole regimen

I'm gonna put you through. And I've also always wondered. I'm gonna bill you for it too. I've also always wondered like, because you know I've got all these skin sensitivities and stuff and like different food things. It would just be fun to know that you're allergic to something.

I wanna know like, okay, is there anything definitive that you can find? So I wonder what, was it the type where they put the stuff all over your back? Yeah, I'll get to that in one second. In the meantime, I continue to get, just for those of you who are, unlike Link, who are actually worried about me,

even though he is gonna be singing with me, he's gonna be trying to harmonize with me, which is gonna be very difficult if there is no voice coming out of him. That's right. It's difficult to harmonize with no one. Things get a little bit better every single week. Like there's little setbacks,

but I get a little bit better, so I'm not, so I've lost my like overarching fear that something really wrong is, I mean, there could be something really wrong, but I've lost my fear that something really wrong, there's something really wrong with me because it's not getting worse, it's getting slowly better. And I think that the timing,

even if I continue at this rate, it's gonna be okay. But I was like, I got this allergy test scheduled, I'm gonna go in for it. That was this morning. So I go in there and the woman who administers the test, this is what she does. She does it for multiple doctors. Okay.

And actually I Instagrammed a picture of me, sort of shirtless, just like a shoulder, I didn't wanna give you, I wanted to keep picture of me, sort of shirtless, just like a shoulder, I didn't wanna give you, I wanted to keep you wanting more, just give you a shoulder of me right there next to all the little things, all the vials. So basically the way this works is they have concentrates of all these different allergens,

and there's like cockroach, dog, cat, like animals. And then there's- Yeast. Yeah, and then like molds, like multiple molds, penicillin mold, another kind of mold, and then different weeds, and then different, all kinds of plants, animals, environmental things. And what, they dab it on you? Two different things.

The first test is she has, it almost looks like an ice tray. And all these things are stuck, needles are soaking in this concentrate, but they're like six together in one. So she was like, yes, this used to all be one at a time, but now we just take this thing and just press it up against your back

and all six of them prick you at the same time. Ooh. And there's 30 of them. I think. Ooh. Maybe 36, six times six. So it's soaking in dog stuff. First of all, how do you get dog concentrate? Dog juice. That's the main thing I was thinking the whole time

is how did they concentrate a dog down to that? I mean, did they kill a dog for this? That's a big blender. Or did they just take like a piece of the tail? I mean, did they kill a dog for this? That's a big blender. Or did they just take like a piece of the tail? I don't know how they got it. I mean, hopefully it was humane, but I have no way of knowing. Maybe it's just the hair.

Maybe they shave a dog and then they just, they put it in a blender and then they see what's left. They squeegee a dog. You bathe a dog and you get bath water? Squeegee it. Okay. But you don't get one needle, you get like six. And I'm- On your back first, starts on your back.

And how much surface area are all these needles concentrated in? Is it like a thumbnail size or smaller? No, with each six, they all come- That's six right there. Oh, like an index card? Yeah, yeah, a little bit smaller than an index card. And they push an index card size.

It's got six points on it. Oh wow. And it doesn't hurt. I mean, it's a little prick, but it doesn't hurt. And she also injects you with a straight hist. But you don't have that much surface area on your back to do six index cards, do you? Heck yeah, I do.

Well, you're a tall guy, I guess. I might only have seven, six or five. Well, seven is more than six, first of all, math major. That is true. But they're pretty small. Well, I'm not a math major, just for the record. Yeah, I was being facetious. It's just a weird reference, it's something I never was. I'm going to be math major.

My wife is a math major, that's why I married her. She also gives you. So I would not know. She gives you a straight histamine shot because everyone will react to a histamine injection unless you've taken antihistamines. That's why you can't take any antihistamines for a week before the test. That's a control group to see if you can even.

And then she does that and then she does the six and she's like wait 15 minutes, she's like you're probably gonna start itching or whatever and I was like well I'm itching in like one place and then she comes back and she's like well, you're really only reacting to the histamine and not even reacting that much to it. Which is weird because like,

as people pointed out on the Instagram post, like, you remember what happened to me with the maple syrup on the show? Yeah, it made like this red pattern exactly where it was, like a raised. And maple syrup was not one of the things that was put into my body. So then she says, okay, well.

She missed her chance. Now I've gotta confirm that with like a, she. So then she says, okay, well, now I've got to confirm that with like a, she called it a subdermal something, but basically, then she came over on this arm and she, there was four different levels of concentrations of the same thing and based on the initial test, she does a confirmation test on your arm. It took an hour and 15 minutes.

And then she goes through and she injects all the stuff into one arm and you can see the skin bubble up with the concentrate underneath there. And then you wait another 15 minutes to see if you react to that. And then long story short, I ended up having mild reactions. She said mild to moderate, but I think it was mild reactions to pen said mild to moderate, but I think it was mild reactions to penicillin mold,

another kind of mold, dogs. A mild reaction to dogs? Yeah, and I've got the report in the car. But isn't Barbara the type of dog that you wouldn't be allergic to? Well, no dogs are truly hypoallergenic, but some are more hypo, some are less allergenic than others.

But she was like, how long have you had the dog? And I was like, two years. And she was like, well, that's about how long it takes for you to develop an allergic reaction to something. But she was also like, but it's mild. It's not like a, you've gotta get rid of the dog. She was like, these are the things you need to something. But she was also like, but it's mild. It's not like a you've gotta get rid of the dog. She was like, these are the things you need to do. And she was like, you should get like a,

you should have like a filter in your house. And dust mites too. She was like, how old are your pillows? And I felt guilty because we made a whole freaking song about how you're supposed to replace your pillow like every year or two. Yeah. Every year.

And I was like, more than two years. She was like, you should get a new pillow every year. Get new pillows. Don't store stuff under your bed. Don't store stuff under your bed. If you store stuff under your bed, it causes people to not clean up under your bed. There's no vacuuming that happens.

Things stay in the same place and dust mites. So anyway, she thinks that it might have something to do with that. But it was one of those things that like, you just know definitive answers. Good news, bad news. The good news is it's not like something to do with that. But it was one of those things that you just know definitive answers. Good news, bad news. The good news is it's not like something was some crazy reaction.

Bad news was, well, if there was, at least I'd know what to do. Well, I'm sincerely sorry that you're okay. Just joking, man. But I'm not gonna have to give away Barbara, but I'm gonna have to put her in a bubble. She'll like it. Me or her, I gotta be in the bubble.

Well, you could, it's a much bigger bubble for you. All right guys, let's shift gears here a little bit. Ear Biscuits is supported by Spotify. You may be listening to Spotify right now and enjoying this podcast, and if so, Congratulations to you. Well, this message. Congratulations to you. Well, this message is not really for you because that's called preaching to the choir.

But if you're not listening to Spotify right now, but you're listening to this podcast, and you are because, well, you're listening to me. Yeah. I just wanna point out that you could be listening to this on Spotify. Right, because Spotify has podcasts, including Ear Biscuits. But let me do, I will say that it's not exactly preaching

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head over to spotify.com slash podcasts. Now on with the biscuit. My first girlfriend was Leslie, but I did not kiss her. My first girlfriend was Leslie. You don't say. A little bit later, the next year, seventh grade, and I did not kiss her.

Because you dated her in sixth grade. But hey, neither one of us kissed her. I got so close, man. You got close? Oh yes, I got close. Like you attempted, you did like a fly back, rooom. I was at the dance and I had- In the Buies Creek Elementary School cafeteria.

That's where we did the dance. And I was sitting there up against the wall, like there were chairs up against the wall, sitting next to Leslie and then right next to me, another couple, who was the other couple? Leslie's best friend. Amber. And who was she dating at the time?

Dated him for a long time. I don't remember. Matt McKinney. Oh wow, Matt McKinney. Yes. Matt McKinney. Yeah, they had a good thing going. You dog, you Matt McKinney. But we they had a good thing going. You dog, you Matt McKinney.

But we were sitting there and I was, okay, I had my, and I never kissed a girl, I had my arm around her and then I had my other hand interlocked with her hand. Not awkward at all. Just like so into this moment. So you had her like incarcerated, like she couldn't run away.

Right, but the funny thing is, is I found out later that. Your arms are so long and gangly. She wanted me, and I wish I had known this, she wanted me to kiss her, but I didn't know. I just didn't know and I was so nervous. And I remember like we danced, you know, and then I'm in my position and I'm just sitting there

thinking like I don't even know what to do. How do you start? I've seen it on television but I just gotta do it. I just gotta commit and the next thing I know my dad is there. He's like, he like taps me on the head. On the head? Dang!

And he's like. That was your moment. That's when you should've kissed her. He's like come on boy. Time to go home. And you should've gone in for the kiss right then. No, no. It's like, I think your dad might've been

subtly trying to push your head into her face. Yeah, it didn't feel that way. You know, like, yeah, it was more of a, you were subject to me and we're outta here. Yeah, like, yeah. Sport, I know what you're up to. I don't remember getting anywhere near that close to kissing Leslie at any sort of engagement

because I was so clueless and still am in a lot of ways. My second girlfriend was Amber. Oh, she was my second girlfriend as well. And she was my first kiss. Oh, she was my second girlfriend as well. And she was my first kiss. Oh, she was my first kiss as well. This is all true, by the way. Yeah. These people think we're nuts.

So you dated Leslie in sixth grade, I dated Leslie beginning of seventh grade, and then I skipped right over once Leslie dumped me because I was so clueless. Man, was that still seventh grade? Cause then I dated Amber in seventh grade. I've always remembered that. And then you dated Amber in eighth grade.

I was in sixth and eighth and you doubled up in seventh grade. Yeah, big year for me. I bookended you with Amber and Leslie and then you had the Amber and Leslie year of seventh grade. Well, I think we should bookend this conversation with each of our first kiss stories with the same girl.

Amber. And see who did a better job? Yeah, we can make it a competition. I'm sure we already did, so we could talk about that. But before we do, I do wanna read some mythical beast accounts of first kisses because we did ask you guys to tell us about your first kiss stories.

Thank you for all who did that. We asked for some honest yet funny ones. Kimberly said, I was 16 at the time, we were watching Bulletproof Monk. You seen that movie? No. Doesn't sound like a kissing flick. No, it doesn't sound like a make out movie.

And my boyfriend of six months decided that this was the best time to try. So yeah, she kind of admits it, like he's kind of boneheaded. He missed twice. Once because my head was in the wrong direction. I was watching the movie. So he like tried to give her a kiss

but ended up like pecking the side of her head or something. Yeah, right, it happens. And the second because our glasses smashed into each other. Yeah, that's an added source of anxiety. I mean, first kiss, like you're concerned about what's gonna happen. There's so many logistics. I mean, the first time I tried to water ski,

it was not pretty. What? What do you mean, what? Water skiing and kissing are very similar. Explain, please. It's like there's a lot of forces involved and you're bound to get wet. It seems like something I made up, but I didn't.

Like water skiing is, water skiing, I hadn't thought of this ahead of time, but I do think it's very, shut up, that was funny, man. It sounded like a set up and a punch line. It was funny, it was funny. I actually laughed. Yeah. I did laugh. I made up a joke on the spot,

but I legitimately was thinking about all the technical things that have to come together at once in order to like get up on your skis while being pulled behind a boat on a body of water, and then maintaining some sort of equilibrium so that you can have fun, yay! It's just like first kiss. Well, I could say for someone who,

I am a person who has both water skied and kissed, and I could say kissing is a lot easier than water skiing. It comes a whole lot more naturally. Speak for yourself. Kimberly says, he did finally get there, and it was pretty good. Yeah, you gotta make, and I think she means a third attempt in that same bulletproof monk viewing session.

You gotta make, this is when echolocation comes into play, you gotta make some kind of visual, you have to have some sort of audio cue that you're coming in. Something, I don't know what, everybody has a different sound. So you're like sonaring it? Yeah, you can't, yeah, I mean,

there's gotta be an indication. It could be something more subtle, like just a slight rustle of the clothing or something like that, just to let people, hey, you gotta get the person's head turned your way because that's also how you find out if they're into it, right? You can't just be, see somebody watching a movie

and just pounce on them like that. No, there needs to be informed consent. Exactly, and that is at least the person's head is turned towards you, so they have the ability to accept or reject as you move closer. This ended well, we married a few moments later, no, a few years after high school and we'll be celebrating six years this November.

Congratulations, Kimberly. Wow. P.S., we still watch Bulletproof Monk together. Oh, nothing gets me going like that Bulletproof Monk, baby. I don't even have any idea what that is. Put on the Bulletproof Monk. I think it's an action flick that has kung fu overtones. Okay.

Let me read a few more, just to totally wet our palates. To wet the skis, so to speak. To lick the lips, I'm going in for another one. Okay. Boo, boo! Hold onto your ropes. I can tell by the way that that sound bounced back into my ears,

it was bouncing off of fleshy lips. Yeah, I'm just making sure. Or an open mouth. I'm carrying this. That one didn't bounce back. The skiing analogy further. Make sure you got your gas in your tank. I don't know, I'm just trying to help you out.

You can rip your arm off your body if the person driving the boat, it involves two people too, see it's not just you, it's a dance with the person driving the boat, you see? Yeah, and sometimes there's somebody else in the boat. Name. Like another person who's with a party. This analogy is unsinkable.

Yeah. Chloe said, Ugh, man. My first kiss was at the park and my hair flew in my face and then an elderly woman clapped. And I tripped on my shoelace right after. I think that it just goes to show you that.

Somebody clapped. An elderly woman clapped. You know you got it going on. And I don't know if she clapped like applause or if it was like she was distracted by an elderly woman just happening like slap her hands together. It sounds like applause in the context. Well that's a good sign.

Sometimes people. If elderly people are clapping, that's a good first kiss. Elderly people love to clap for skiers. That's one thing I've noticed anytime I've gotten it up. I mean gotten the skis stood up while skiing. Unsinkable. But you know there's, you're a bundle of nerves

because there's so many things that can go wrong. I've only read two of these and there's been seven things that have gone wrong just in the two stories. Danny 90 said, he and I were in the middle of our first proper kiss and a bird pooped on his head slash face and some of the poop got into my mouth. Okay, now I don't believe that.

I have a tough time believing this one. Now it can happen. Somewhere on Earth a bird is pooping over people having a first kiss. But what are the chances that we asked that question and one of the mythical beasts actually had it happen to him? Danny 90 Rhett is calling you a liar.

I mean, I don't know, it could have happened and if we can talk about it like it could happen. Whoa, that's crazy, I can't believe that happened. It's so gross. But I also have trouble believing it, so I'll just say that. I could be wrong, I wasn't there. I'm not a bird.

Rhett, stranger things have happened on skis. Yeah. Think about it. I'm sure someone has been crapped on while skiing. And it probably was no big deal because you just fall in the water. Well no, because your mouth's open a little and it gets in there.

You gotta keep your mouth, I'm sure. I've never kept my mouth open while skiing. Well you don't ski a lot. Sometimes your mouth gapes open when you're skiing. Well when you give a signal to the boat maybe. Do you know the boat signals? I will bet that birds have pooped, multiple birds have pooped into the same mouth while skiing.

And so I believe that Danny 90 is telling the truth. Why would she lie? He wasn't skiing. What? He wasn't skiing. Who wasn't? She wasn't skiing. Danny 90. That was a first kiss. Yeah, if she was skiing, I'd believe it. You lost me. Mandy was 16.

After the date, I told my mom that I thought I got a kiss, but I wasn't sure. The actions were there, but I wasn't sure if we made contact or not. Really? Wow. You don't believe her either? That level of uncertainty.

We can't keep asking for Mythical Beast contributions if you're gonna call bull on everybody's. I don't know if it's just the stories that you're choosing, but I'm also a little bit surprised at the ages. That's two 16-year-olds in a row? Like in my book, that seems late. I'm not judging anybody. I'm just saying that if anything,

my first kiss was in the early 90s and I was 14 at the time and I felt late amongst my friends. Well I beat you to it, that's certain. Have people, things are slowing down? I mean, we got something to be hopeful about? I hope so. They're slowing down, they're starting at 16 these days. So she got a ghost kiss.

Again, it's like who knew you could fear that? Now that's another thing to fear. Phantom kiss. Phantom ghost kiss. All right and then this one. Marissa Stull, it was winter and we were sitting on my front steps. There wasn't any snow but it was frosty.

We had talked about it. That sounds fishy already. Anytime you give extra weather details, you're setting up a lie. I believe you guys, I do, I believe you. I'm not gonna question that. It wasn't any snow, but it was frosty. You're right, that is fishy.

And how do you ski during that? That's part of the question. We had talked about it beforehand because he had to talk himself up to it and apparently talk her up to it as well. It was cold enough that, oh gosh, his nose was doing that thing with the clear liquid that's kind of snot but more watery.

Oh gosh. That's the worst. Why am I reading this one? When he kissed me, his first kiss ever, his nose drip fell straight onto my lips. Oh gosh. And I couldn't brush it away until he left to walk home. I just told him-

And I threw up in my mouth. Oh gosh. I just told him this after three years of being together and he's mortified. Like he didn't know for three years of being together and he's mortified. Like he didn't know for three years. Did they say how old they were? No, she didn't say, but not only does he now know, but now we all know, Marissa.

Yeah, Marissa told everybody. I almost said her last name, but I'm not gonna do that. Buddy Roll. So okay, we've primed the pump. I believe that one now. You believe that last one? Yeah. Yeah, it had a ring of truthfulness.

Yeah. The most false part was the frosty part. Frosty but not snowing. You get that nose drip, you don't know it. It's so cold outside, you don't know that it's there. You're going in for the kiss. I'm glad that I'm over that hump. Well, way over it.

Let me tell you, brother, lots of kissing with my wife. Oh gosh. You don't, okay, you don't have to reassure us. It's like, Big Boy wants to tell you he's been kissing his wife. What, you call me Big Boy? Big Boy's been married for 17 years. Big Boy wants you to know he kissed his wife.

Yeah, wow. So silly, man. Okay. But what about your first, man? Because you need to talk about Amber and then I'll talk about her at the end. It was somebody's birthday party and they were, it wasn't Amber's but it was in Lillington, I don't know.

It was at that place that. Well yeah, it it was in Lillington. I don't know who went. It was at that place that. Well yeah, it was at the Lillington. Puritan? Not Ruritan. Puritan. Like a Ruritan building. The Puritan building.

It's like a. You defiled the Puritan building. Like one of those Chamber of Commerce-y slash. It's where we, your grandmother. It wasn't Ruritan but it was like a rotary club. Your grandmother invited us back to perform songs for her group. Senior Citizen Club.

Senior Citizen's Club at that place. Like this was like five years ago. Well, it was right before we left to come to California, so it was probably like six or seven years ago, but we showed up and sang a bunch of songs for all of her retired old folk friends. And the first thing, our opener was, hey, my first kiss was here.

Yeah. Allow me to demonstrate, any volunteers? It's like I jump at any chance to make out with an elderly woman. Yeah, that lady. They got a lot of pent up, hmm. It's like ferocious. Oh gosh.

I only kissed my wife. Yeah, except for that lady. It was a joke. That lady at that demonstration that one time. We were Frenching it. It was theatrical. It was just to prove a point. It's like the actors.

The actors are kissing all the time and it doesn't count. Right, that's what it was when you kissed that old lady at the Rourke's Club. I'm doing this as an actor to prove a point. There was a, proudly on display just to the left of this place was a caboose. An old caboose, yeah. Now, it would have been an epic makeout story

if we had kissed in the caboose, but no, we were in, like you walk in the front door and it's a big rectangular room with nothing but like metal folding chairs that wrestlers used to beat each other with. Without the wrestlers. And elderly people sit on for like group meetings. Yeah. But for some reason,

it was this middle school birthday party there. I think it was like Betsy's party because she was from Lillington. Don't remember but I was going with Amber for a while. I'd even successfully talked to her on the phone a while. Yep. So I was like really on a roll. And that's what we called it at the time was going with.

And nobody's dancing, nobody dances this thing and the lights are up and there are adults there. Too bright. And I'm like there are adults here, there ain't no way. Too many chaperones. I'm gonna kiss my girlfriend. There is no way, I am way too timid for that. Tough to get up on your skis when there's that much light

and those many people around. Right, so I'm sitting next to her. I don't have my arm around her, much less my other hand intermingled with her fingers. Like, I didn't have her locked down. A whole year earlier I was doing that. So it was me, then Amber, then Anna. Anna.

And then Michael. Oh Michael and Anna did it for a while. Michael and Anna were dating. And then you started dating Anna. Yep. People don't realize it was such a small town. There was like 20 people in our class so everybody dated everybody.

And you ended up dating the same girls in the same order. It was like musical chairs. Right, yeah. Just, you know, everybody politely waited their turn. Right. And then someone was awkwardly standing there alone. Yeah. Until the music played again,

because no one got eliminated. Right, yeah, we didn't do that. And then I just, I'm trying to remember the details. Dang it. But Amber, she had ideas. She was a girl with ideas. No, she had an older sister. Okay.

Yeah, she had an older sister who had advised her a little bit. And so she knew about kissing. The only reason I dated her is because she basically said, will you go with me? And then, but in this instance, I think she told, and I really wanted to, but I was too timid to ask her. And she didn't go in for the kiss, it wasn't that simple.

What happened was she was murmuring with Anna. And then all of a sudden, I think Michael kind of got in on the conversation and then they were murmuring and leaning forward and then Michael leans back behind Anna and Amber and motions me in. So then I'm leaning over and he's like, kiss her, man. So it's like Amber told Anna, told Michael, told me. Yeah, came all the way around the horn.

Kiss her, man. And then there was an implication. I don't think he said it out loud, but there was an implication. And I'll time it. Michael was a timer. Michael was, yeah, I'll talk about Michael in a little bit when I get to my story.

Michael was a sage. And then Amber and Anna stopped talking and Michael and Anna started making out. And that's all you need. I say if Matt and Amber had done that for me and Leslie, I wouldn't be here today. Where would you be? I don't know.

Cause you know, you make certain decisions and then everything gets, goes, I mean, this is what happens. That's how the universe works, man. So. I'm glad I didn't do that. I had to. I'm glad I'm here.

I looked across the Ruitin Building and like everybody was watching and waiting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was like, you know me, at a certain point I'm a performer, man. Right. It comes out like I got that dream. Arr, get up on the skis.

Yep, one chance. Nancy, don't let me down. And I had to, she was on the skis. Yep, one chance. Nancy don't let me down. And I had to, she was on my right, so I had to lean over and go across on leaning left, which I would later learn is not my best side. Right. Like once I started figuring this out, I would always be on the right side of my girlfriend.

So I could go and go over and lean to the right. It was much better at the right. Yeah, I saw all the way your hair parts. Yeah, exactly. Right, that's how you know. It's like a sail. Look at the crown of your head. Right.

You got a rudder and a sail. Right. You get in the sailboat. I mean, we're still on the water. You get on the sailboat and you've got the sail going the wrong way, starboard, whatever side that is, and you wanna go the other way, whatever that's called, you know what I'm saying.

But you're still skiing behind it, which I'm sure is possible. Yeah, oh, with one of those in the- Like a clipper? No, one of those that goes really fast in what do they call the America's Cup? You can ski behind one of those. Water ski, yeah, rip your arm right off of your body.

I leaned in to the left and. Starboard. It was, I'm certain I was not her first kiss. Is that the front or the back of the boat? What is left? I don't aft. Port aft? I don't know.

Can I tell my story? I just wanna get the word. Like I had a good ski analogy, now you're all excited because it's sailing. Like you're legitimately wanting to make this about sailing. I'm in the middle of my story. I'm sorry, I'll learn the terms next time. I'm leaning to the left.

Yeah, whatever that is. And I'm certain this was not Amber's first kiss because she took charge. It wasn't. And I'm grateful for it. Yeah. So it wasn't bad at all. I actually felt like I was doing okay. And how long?

I've seemed, well, Michael reported to me later that it was, do you remember the number because I think it's either 12 or 14 seconds. I don't remember your number, I know my number. Shorter than that, wow. 12 or 14? I believe so. You're so bad with math though.

Well you don't have to add anything. It could have been 1.2 or 1.4 seconds too. No, no, no. You misplaced the decimal. Once I initiated, she took over and then I was just along for the ride. You're, yeah, okay. I just held onto the rope, baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. You hold on and keep your skis pointing in the right direction. Yeah, yeah, Amber's the captain now. You're gonna get somewhere. And yeah, and. 12 to 14, that seems about right. And then when we parted ways.

One second for every year of age. Everybody was looking. There was not applause, which made it awkward. What about the chaperones? I was, I didn't wanna look, I did not look for chaperones to make eye contact because that was the last thing I wanted. And I broke the seal.

And I was never the same. You didn't kiss her again though, did you? You didn't date her for very long. I don't remember why you guys broke up. You know what, I don't know. I really don't know if I had a second go at it. I think that was it from what I remember. I think that could have been it.

Because even though we were literally, we were five miles, maybe three miles apart, Buies Creek and Lillington, for some reason when summer came, it was like, well, I'll never see you again. It's like I go to a different pool. I think you guys broke up. You hit the summer wall.

And so then you didn't reestablish it in the next year because I did. Right. Yeah. But I was dating Anna at the time and I kissed her a lot. A lot, I remember that. At the parties that were arranged for that type of thing to happen. Right.

Make out parties. Okay, but you know what? Not only do you Mythical Beasts have stories about first kisses, not only do the two of us have stories about first kisses, but some of our Mythical Entertainment employees also have some very interesting stories, including Ellie, including Ellie.

Welcome Ellie to the show. Oh hello. Ellie, I'm graciously giving you my spot. Do you wanna talk into my microphone? Hello, check check. Don't smell it, just talk into it. I had to. Don't breathe in, breathe out.

Okay. When we did our Six Flags outing, like we were in different groups of people and we happened to be in the same group and we were, it was a group of us in line and somehow we were talking about, we started talking about first kiss stories. So I heard a little bit of this,

but I think that's part of what gave me the idea for us to talk about this on an Ear Biscuit. Because I enjoyed your insights. Producing all my time off, I love it. No, you were on the clock. It was a team building exercise. You were not on vacation, it just felt like it. That's how fun it is to be on the Mythical Crew.

You got paid to ride roller coasters. That's true, yeah, no. You thought you were on vacation. Mission accomplished. We're actually gonna take a vacation day from you. Oh great. I think you said that. Great.

I won't visit my elderly grandparents. Ooh. Okay, so what's your story? Okay, well it's funny, because it has, there's some interesting parallels, but my first kiss was in middle school, seventh grade to be exact. And I was dating this guy named Steve. Oh, Steve.

And my best friend was also dating a guy named Steve. The Steves. We'll call them Steve one and Steve two. Two Steves. And the way that things worked at my middle school was like, like you're talking about how everyone in the retirement home was watching you kiss um we would go we would be like walking home from school and whoever you've been paired up with whoever you've coupled up with which like looking back on it seemed arbitrary like it just seemed like someone was like i like you and your friend would be like yeah you should like him back and i'd be like okay yeah your friend told you be like, yeah, you should like him back. And I'd be like, okay.

Yeah. Your friend told you to like him back. Yeah. It's like your friends have, it's like very democratic. So you didn't want to be with Steve? No, no,

I did. It's like I developed a crush retroactively. But like when you start dating them, it's not like you're dating because you have this instant spark, you know, because you don't even know what a spark is. At least that was my experience of it. And you would walk home from school and like the groups of kids would like circle around who was coupled up and like basically like encourage us to like make steps along the like dating process so

like Steve and I hadn't even held hands when we first started dating. We barely looked at each other in the eye. So we would walk home, and the first step was they all circled around us, and they were like, you guys should hug. Hug, really? Not hold hands? I thought you were going to say hold hands. No. They circled you.

It's like a tribal initiation or something. Everyone would watch, and then we would be like, oh, okay. And then we'd step forward and then pause and then we would be like, okay, and then we'd like step forward and then like pause and then like hug. And nothing's been more romantic. There you go. Good job. From there?

Yeah. Well, it was like, it was so- Was the hug electric? Yeah. Oh, wow. No, I remember being like, oh my God, this is happening. Yeah. So that's how my first boyfriend hug

happened. The old boyfriend hug that comes first. Yeah, yeah. The boyfriend hug comes first. And so my friend Carmi, who's dating let's call him Steve too, they would circle around the both of us and they'd be like, you do it and then you do it. So I hugged Steve one and then

she hugged Steve two. The Steves really, Hug chain. The Steves really, it worked out well for them. They were both Steves. Yeah, I don't even know if they were friends before this. They just like got. The kissing Steves.

Now I've seen, and I believe I've also done it, I've seen two people skiing behind one boat at once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So again, my analogy still holds. I've seen the whole pyramid. I love the water skiing. Back in the 50s, back in the 50s, man. I love the water skiing analogy.

You were throwing shade at it, but like the overwhelming power of like being pulled up out of the water, that's the passion. But what's the power of the engine is your own hormones. Oh yeah. Right? Raw, unfiltered hormones. Yeah. Okay.

So we did the hug in a circle on the walk home, but like kissing, that's crazy. Right. That's a whole other step. Oh yeah. That's just intense. That's your language hole. Yeah. We would have these like hangouts.

All right. Right? Yeah, that's one way they say it. Yeah, your language hole is the most important hole, and everyone knows that. Right, exactly. Well, so the cool girls in middle school who had the nice houses with the fancy basements would organize hangouts and parties

where the whole goal was to kiss on the mouth. Yeah, yeah. Basements are trouble in middle school. Huge trouble. But then in retrospect, it's not trouble because the parents know what's happening and they're like, oh, as long as you're in the house, I know what you're up to. Josh and Joey, the twins had a basement. Oh, they had a basement.

They had a basement. Lots of trouble in that basement. They were twins? They were twins. All of our basement parties happened in twins' basement. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lena and Lisa. Because when you have twins, you're like,

we have got to sequester this double trouble somewhere. Yeah. Underground. A lot of times they keep one of the twins in the basement. Right. They were actually all triplets. You want to deal with one at a time. That's what the basement's for. Twin quarantine.

So you knew Steve was going down to the basement? No. Like a group of six couples. Like, a group of six couples, like, so six couples, 12 children, got invited to the, I guess I shouldn't say their last name, but to one of the twins' basements. Right. And, like, there were, like, chips. There was music playing. The whole, like, seemed like a party.

But all anyone wanted to do is kiss and I was so nervous because like I I I didn't have an older sister like Amber I had an older brother and he would just be like don't talk to me uh period not about anything he's like I'd rather not um we're close now but when you're growing up not the same um and so I would just read like Cosmo or 17 and they go way beyond what you're ready for. Like I had just hugged in a circle and they're talking about like 69 ways to like blow his mind, etc. So I was just like, I don't know what to expect. I'm super stressed out. So we made a game.

It was basically like seven minutes in heaven or spin the bottle. But like they spun it it was so arbitrary because they were just spinning it so that people landed on their respective boyfriend or girlfriend obviously yeah and so it was like point the bottle yeah so they did it was it a bottle it was a bottle it was a sprite bottle i remember vividly. Sprite. Not a sponsor. Sprite. Not a sponsor. Do you write? I mean.

All night. Nope. Okay. All right. I just lost another potential sponsor. Well, you know, our language holes will drink Sprite. It'll be fine. Great for your language hole.

I'm sorry, Ellie. Yeah, you should apologize. Well, no, it's good. Yeah, you should apologize. Well, so I was super worried. They kept on landing on other couples, and they would go into different corners of the basement to kiss, and everyone would turn. Like, we were, like, promising that we wouldn't look,

but we would all watch. But then you would, yeah. Yeah. And you would just hear slurping sounds you know like mouth sounds yeah i know the worst uh and and it finally got down to me and carmy and our steves and they were just like they were like oh like we're we were all gonna go to a movie or something i think like shark tale 3D or something stupid like that and hey uh-uh don't bring Shark Tale 3D into this sorry that's a potential sponsor

yeah and and they were like you guys should go at the same time oh yeah you're both Steve's yeah I mean that obviously and so they were like you guys go and we both went into different like i was on i was like underneath the stairwell and she was like by this bookcase and we like i see carmy start to kiss her steve and me and my steve are just like uh like like panicking totally like like ruining the moment like we were just supposed to get into it and we didn't do it. That was the whole point of the whole party and everything we've done.

Once you miss that initial little window. The boat's got to circle around and you're bobbing in the water. I hope another boat doesn't clip me. Right, exactly. Well, so the boat's a-bobbing. Hold your ski up, by the way, so that other boats don't come through and hit you.

Yeah, true. That's true. While your boat is circling around to give you your rope again. In this metaphor, my skis had blown all the way over to the other side of the lake. I was floating alone. I was stressed. And so I just remembered from magazines like Cosmo and Seventeen, they were like, be confident. Like, get in there.

And so I grabbed his face, and I just brought it to my face. And then we were just face to face, and then I just went, and I started kissing. Did you say, ma, ma, ma? No, no. I just was trying to avoid making actual stupid kissing noises. And then how did Steve respond? Well, I didn't know that there was a tongue element.

Like, I never knew that was a thing. Yeah, they don't talk about that. They don't talk about, I'm sure they do, but I, like, didn't realize, I guess. I was just, I was a child. And so I just thought it was this. That's like a catfish in the skiing analogy. Yeah. Like an unexpected catfish.

Yeah. I didn't know that was going to be down there. Yeah. Like an unexpected catfish. Yeah. I didn't know that was going to be down there. No, but like a fish, though, I just thought kissing was this. More like a duck.

Yeah, like a fish. Yeah, like a duck or a fish. I just thought it was like, ba, ba, ba. And there's a whole other part. There's a whole other part I didn't know about. Steve knew about that. Steve knew about it. And so I go in. And he thought you read it because you don't want face grabbing.

I know. I grabbed his face. I should have been ready. And all I knew is like this foreign object was in my mouth. And I thought it was a giant wad of gum. Honestly, I thought it was a giant wad of like sour gum. Oh, it was sour? He probably had eaten sour gum earlier.

We were children. We were having candy all the time. And like it was... He wasn't ready. It was like... It was like... Your whole mouth puckered? Yeah.

Yeah. No, but I was like, what is that? Like, I didn't know what it was. It tasted sour. It tasted like a... It just seemed like a wad of gum. I couldn't even figure it out. And I had no mental capacity to use my tongue to figure it out.

I was just frozen. I'm sure it was just a dead slug in his mouth. I guess eventually it'll just make its way completely into my mouth and I'll start chewing. But it never happened. I was genuinely confused and I never really got an answer. Oh, man. But apparently we made out longer than everyone else probably because i was spending the whole time trying to figure out what was happening and everyone everyone like applauded

for us oh you got actual applause i got applause wow for both of them did an elderly woman clap like all of a sudden why is that elderly woman here yeah the twins mom came down and was like, nice. No. Sour. No, but that was my first kiss with that Steve. And he broke up with me on a walk home later. That night? No, it was like a couple weeks later. We went on to kiss, I think, maybe one more time. We saw a different movie in a theater

and I got another unexpected tongue and I didn't know, I wasn't ready. She still wasn't ready. Yeah. Unexpected tongue. I think, I don't know, ugh, so weird. Was there a debrief involved after the first one? Like I never talked to- With him? I never talked to Amber about,

well, how was that? Because I could use some pointers. Well- That would have been nice in retrospect. I wish, like communication is everything. And I think like, it's so funny to think back on it because in seventh grade, of course no one knows what they're doing.

But in seventh grade, we were still trying to pretend like, yeah, I've done this before, you know, as I flip my sweater thing back, like hair. So there was no debrief. There was no debrief. Like I think I wanted him to think that I knew what I was doing. I didn't ask him if he had gum in his mouth, you know. I still wonder about that because I remember the texture,

and it is haunting. Maybe he's got a gum tongue. Maybe he has a gum tongue. Some people have it. Well, he broke up with me unceremoniously. There were all these rumors that he went to Kay Jewelers with his mom to get me a present for Christmas. I don't even know how the rumor started,

but instead he broke up with me on the walk home and it was frosty and the tears froze on my face. Oh, my. And I remember just yelling, why? Why? Like like and I had like a gaggle of girls around me, like comforting me. And he was walking like 20 feet behind me. Oh, wow.

It was awful. But I was redeemed because in eighth grade he made out with my friend Molly, because I totally get the mixing and matching, because there's not that many people. You just have to do your thing. So my friend Molly made out with him in the exercise room of the other twins' basement in eighth grade. Crazy. And he was so aggressive with his tongue,

she nicknamed him Tongue Puncher. Oh, wow. And the nickname Tongue Puncher spread throughout the entire school and into high school and I've never been more vindicated. Oh my goodness, yeah, you, yeah. Yeah, he's fine. You dodged a bullet, you dodged a tongue.

The other Steve ended up stealing a car and like going to jail, but. The Tongue Puncher's fine. Steve's tend to be easily correct. I wonder if the nickname followed him to jail. Ooh. No, no, that's the other Steve. Oh, the other Steve. Steve two.

Steve one, tongue puncher, I don't know, he's in the Midwest somewhere. Wow, well you know what? How has it impacted you for the rest of your life? I mean, are you all right now? Yeah, I'm fine. Because you were like, why? Well, I think when you get broken up with

for the first time, I don't think you feel emotions as strongly as you do when you feel them the first time. So I think I've always been very confident. So it was my first experience of someone being like, no. And that's why I was like, why? Right. So it definitely affected me. But, I mean, I've had so many boyfriends.

You've recovered well. Yeah, I'm thriving. Ellie, thank you for sharing your story. Wow, that was. Thank you so much. Yeah, that was great. I'll remember that one better than I remembered my own story. Okay, we've got more stories.

We've got more mythical stories. Let's bring in Becca. Becca, welcome to. Becca, you've been waiting in the wings. I don't know, is it better to wait in the wings? Because Rhett was like, well I don't know if they wanna wait outside. Is it, it's better to sit here and be a part

of this thing or? It was really nice to be a part of this whole experience with everybody, just to hear your stories, well, link your story and Yeah. Your head pat. Your head pat there, right? You're going to hear a doozy if you stick around. And, of course, hearing Ellie's story. I think it's always fun to hear other girls' first kiss stories

of sort of what their experiences were at this deeply tumultuous, sort of absolutely terrible period of life called being a teen girl. It can be terrible. I mean, everything is an unknown. And it's like, it's so perfectly awkward. It's so perfectly terrible in every way. And there's so many variables. You know, it's kind of

like skiing. The more you think about it. I've heard it's a bit like skiing. Tell us your story. Wow. I have two. This is going to be a two-for-one special here, guys. For those of you watching who are not aware of this, I am a lesbian. Yes. That is a thing.

That is a thing. I don't know. That's a thing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Time out. Huddle up, guys. Did you know? So what grade are we going back to first?

We're going back to My First Kiss Ever. This is ninth grade. I'm going to set the scene for you. It's ninth grade. This is the fall, early winter of 2003, I would think. I'm like 13, 13, almost 14. 13 almost 14 uh i've just come off of a really riveting summer wherein i played at least 8 to 10 hours a day of final fantasy 11 mmo rpg is there is there much making out in that there is absolutely no making out in that no i played as a cat girl i was a red mage i did a lot

of magic well for making out, actually. It prepares you not at all for making out. So how is there any fantasy, much less a final one? Yeah, and that was 11. They're on to like 15 now. It's never final. Lots and lots of that alone in my room with my guildmates who ranged from friends of mine who I knew in real life,

IRL as you would, and like a bunch of guys in the military who had nothing to do. This may have been the height of that. A bunch of Steves. Just a bunch of Steves. A whole bunch of Steves. Interesting overlap. There's lots to, both groups can teach the other group lots of stuff.

A lot of Steves. A lot of Steves. Yeah. A whole bunch of Steves. Are you about to tell us that the first kiss you ever had was digital? No. Okay. No, no, no. This is setting a stage for who Becca was ever had was digital? No. Okay. No, no, no.

This is setting a stage for who Becca was when she had her first kiss. Okay. I understand. I watched a lot of anime that summer, and I dyed my hair jet, jet black. Oh, wow. To cosplay as an anime character to an anime convention that summer. So the stage has been set as to what kind of kid Becca was going into ninth grade. And early in ninth grade, I was in the band.

I played flute. And this boy named Andy who played trumpet. Oh, trumpet now. Only three valves on a trumpet. Only three valves on a trumpet. Keep it simple, Andy. Whole lot of buttons on a flute. Oh, yeah. Trumpet of buttons on a flute.

Oh, yeah. Trumpet players tend to be... They're saucy. They like to draw attention to themselves. They're a roguish debonair there. They get bored with only three valves, so you got to find other things to do. All three of us have hair that I would assume any ninth grade trumpet player would have.

Or try to have, but they're in ninth grade. They don't know how to take care of themselves yet, so it's just real bad. He took a shine to have, but they're in ninth grade. They don't know how to take care of himself yet. So it was just real bad. He took a shine to me. I took a shine to him. And it just sort of became this place where we had this fun banter. We were in band. We also had homeroom together.

The flute trumpet combo. You can see it from a mile away. Oh, yeah. It's a classic. I'd buy that on a mixed tape. It's like two boats on each side of the lake just heading straight for a collision. Yeah, this is one of the real tricksy fancy moves in water skiing, the two boats and then you trade it off.

That's how flutes and trumpets do. But eventually at some point he asked me out and asking me out was we had a lunch date together at school. Oh, that's bold. That's bold because everybody is watching and only a trumpet player would do that. I mean a sax date together at school. Oh, no, that's bold. That's bold because everybody is watching. And only a trumpet player would do that. I mean, a saxophone player, definitely. He had an older brother.

He was getting advice from an older brother. He knew what he was doing. A trombonist would never do this. No, no, no. The one kid who played bassoon in our band had no chance at all. Oh, no. So you're like eating square pizza?

Yeah, something like that. And then what? Oh, this wasn't when the kiss was, but we started dating. I'm like, dang. So I had myself my first little boyfriend. His name was Andy. Andy and Becca, A, B. It worked out.

Trumpets, flutes, all that stuff. Come the winter formal. Oh, wow. This is the first kiss. We're at the winter formal together. It's a dance. There's punch. There's dresses.

There's a lot of those fake snowflakes that you buy everywhere whole lot of those flocking the flocked trees yeah the white yeah yeah yeah yeah those ones a lot of those the dance ends it's an uneventful dance i remember very little of it uh he takes me home like a proper gentleman to make my non-existent curfew because my parents really didn't care what i did because i was such a big freaking nerd that they knew i wasn't going to try anything he drove his own car no he did not his his mom picked us up and dropped us off okay but she was like a cool mom so it was okay and it was an suv too so we could sit in the way way back and feel like we were getting chauffeured oh yeah is that where it happened? No. At my front door. Like every just teen movie.

Like a freaking movie. This was an episode of Dawson's Creek, the tail end of whatever you thought was actually going to happen on Clarissa Explains It All, and it never did. You know, this was just a teen girl fantasy. I'm right there with you. And his parents were in the car? His mom was in the car. His mom was in the car and he walked you to your door. He walked me to my front door. I unlocked the door.

I didn't think this ever actually happened. Were the headlights like blazing? No, she was like, you couldn't see my front door from my driveway. So like we had a little bit of privacy. It was kind of a nice moment. Oh, such a nice moment. I was wearing a red dress and I only remember that because I spent most of this time prior to the kiss looking at my feet because I had no idea what was going on. I'm the oldest child in my family. I have some older cousins. Like I said, a lot of anime, a lot of online video games. Nobody was preparing

13-year-old Becca for a first kiss. My mom had pretty much already given up at that point. You weren't thinking that it was about to happen. I was because everybody was expecting that because we were dating. He was ostensibly my boyfriend. I wore his big weird army jacket all the time at school that smelled awful. But, you know, that was the sign we were going steady. And we just kind of stood there. I'd unlocked my door and turned around.

And I was looking at my feet a lot. And I was like, that was kind of a nice dance yeah and we weren't really saying anything and I wasn't trying to leave and he wasn't trying to leave and neither of us were trying to leave but also not trying to initiate anything and then finally he kind of took my hand that had the corsage on it because he had gotten me a corsage. Classy young man. And I kind of looked at him and he looked at me and it just sort of was like, I guess we're going to kiss now. And our faces sort of came together and just kind of touched. And I didn't wear glasses then.

I had contacts. So we just kind of like. Smash. Just kind of put our faces on each other's faces and then sort of just kind of. There was like weird just mouth grumblings against one another. Oh gosh.

He smelled exactly like a dry erase board eraser. Oh gosh. What did he get into? Dry erase board. A vivid scent memory of that, of knowing it smelled like erasers, knowing I had no idea what I was doing. You know why?

Because I do. Homeboy was practicing on the eraser. Wow. I mean, there was no ink on his face. He had done a good job cleaning it off, but he smelled just like that. It's soft, soft like lips. I know what you know.

Oh, that's, no, oh man. You got so many other options. The pillows, stuffed animals. Oh gosh, my teddy bear got it. Your dog's tummy, I don't know. I didn't practice on anything. I just watched a lot of Naruto. So what happened after this?

We just sort of smushed faces. There was no tongue. I also was not aware of the fact that tongue was something you could use. He was not either. His older brother had not gotten that far in prepping him. Nobody wants to lick a dry erase marker. No. Dry erase eraser.

We separated and it was kind of like, okay, bye. And I immediately went to my house and closed the door and went upstairs and got on Final Fantasy XI where my friends who had also been at the dance were already on. And then in our guild chat, we were all like, furiously, furious typing. Furious typing with the fast line. Bragging? No, I was like, I kissed Andy.

It was weird. Oh my God. And they were like. So at that moment, you like, it was like you're smushing face and you're smelling dry erase board eraser. And you're like, I like girls. That was shortly after. I'm not going to lie. It's like that was a pivotal moment.

It was a pretty pivotal moment in that I did not get. I did not get what kissing. I did not get the hype behind kissing following that kiss. I kissed this guy. I went upstairs. I played Final Fantasy XI for the rest of the night with my guildmates. And I had never given it a second thought. Andy and I unceremoniously broke up like a month later.

Right. With no more kissing. No more kissing. We never kissed again. I never felt the need or want to ever kiss him again i did not understand what kissing was all cracked up to be high school went on there were some other kisses they were unceremonious uh during this period of time i was like oh no i am very gay oh no that might explain a few things about why I don't get the kissing. Right.

Wrong people. College comes, I'm an absolute closet basket case for college. There was absolutely very little kissing happening in college. I was just like, oh, no. Nobody can know. Okay. No kissing. nobody can know okay no kissing but then i'd go to co-op parties and i'd do the college kid thing where i would consume a lot of alcoholic beverages and then i would be like whoa guys i don't care

i'm gonna kiss everybody and then i would just kiss a lot of people didn't matter then because i could then hide my own shame in my in my being gay under the fact that everybody was drunk and kissing each other because that's how it does. And then my senior year of college was my first real certifiable stamp it on the paper, get it notarized kiss with a lady that I can recall that was not just because I was very drunk and everybody was doing it. First meaningful. First meaningful kiss, yeah. It was also at a party, so I know the setup's not good. The setup is not great, but it was the last part of the year for a student group I was involved in in college

called the University of California Rally Committee. I was graduating. I'd been in the group for four years. Did you race cars? No, we were like the spirit organization on campus. Okay, that's valid. We waved big old flags at the football games. Any water skiing? You didn't race cars? No, we were like the spirit organization on campus. Okay, that's valid. We waved big old flags at the football games.

Any water skiing? There was no water skiing involved. I did windsurf in high school. I learned how to windsurf. Okay. And I have skied. Nothing like kissing. Not at all like kissing. No, no, no.

Then what happened? What? Okay, so it was the last thing. Their big blowout party at the end of the year. I'm a graduating senior. Everything's all good. I'm like, yeah, I'm at this last. It was the last party. Their big blowout party at the end of the year. I'm a graduating senior. Everything's all good. I'm like, yeah, I'm at this party. I'm graduating from college.

I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I'm graduating from college. Yeah, this is great. And I am approached in the kitchen by another member of this group who was also a lady. Were you out at this time? I was, yeah, yeah. I came out in college and I was still just like in my head, a complete closet case and not actually pursuing that. But I was definitely very, very out and very like,

hey guys, look at me with my bad Zooey Deschanel style blunt bang haircut. Y'all knew me when I had that one. It wasn't good. I might look like a member of a cast in The New Girl. However, I am very gay. Please tell everybody I am desperate. I would like to kiss anyone at this point. And it was just not happening.

Because once it ever came to like, hey, Becca, you should meet my friend. I was like, oh, no. Panic. I'm bad. The things. Yeah, I was cornered basically in the kitchen while refilling my adult beverage at this party. And I turn around and it's a girl who is also in the rally committee. She is a junior, a year behind me.

Blonde, real cute. Known her for a couple years. Real cute. Known her for a couple years. Never had an inkling at all in my head that she was even remotely on the spectrum of anything but 100% straight. Right. And she's like, hey. I was like, oh, hi.

Not thinking that this is where this is going. And she's like, immediate word vomit. Just word vomit. Completely just like, you're really cute. I think you're really cute. I think I have a crush on you. I've been crushing you for a while. You're graduating. I don't know what you're doing after college. I don't like, you're really cute. I think you're really cute. I think I have a crush on you. I've had a crush on you for a while. You're graduating. I don't know what you're doing after college.

I don't know if you're moving. Like a thousand miles an hour of words. Basically her confessing that she had a crush on me and me being like, that's cool. Really got the language hole going there. My language hole was a gap. Just jaw on the floor. Like you just put so many words back inside. And no words came out of my mouth hole, my language hole.

Many words came out of her language hole. And I was like, that's really great. And she was like, okay, and left. Oh, she left? She walked away from me. A couple hours later, after several more adult beverages, she corners me in the kitchen again. And this time I'm making a drink and she taps me on the shoulder and I turn around and she pushes me up against a fridge.

What? And shoves her tongue down my throat. She was a trumpet player too, huh? Also the flute player. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Sometimes? Who'd have thought?

Also a flute player. No, I'm just more woodwinds. None of that brass up in here. I'm a woodwind-only kind of girl these days, you know. She shoved her tongue down my throat, and we started furiously making out against this refrigerator. You don't. Much to the raucous cheers of everyone we know. It was not a good kiss, but it was a meaningful kiss.

Did it hurt? That sounds... No, it was more shocking and surprising. Did she have a gum tongue? No gum tongue. Just very active tongue. No gum tongue. Not a Steve.

Not related to Steve. Zero Steves involved at all. This is a Steve-free zone. But this was like a shoulder-tap surprise attack. Shoulder-tap surprise attack make-out kiss. Again, might I point out another very movie-like situation. Yeah. Is that how your romantic life plays out as if it is in film?

I wish. That'd be great. There'd be a lot more foot pops. I would have had at least one dance around or near a fountain. I have never been picked up on a dock while it's raining, all of the notebook. Okay. That is my ultimate goal. So it's not perfect.

No. No one has said, if you're a bird, I'm a bird to me and that's really all I want in life. Speaking from experience, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Well, hey Link, been there, done that, you can say, have not been there, have not done that. So I cannot say the same thing. I was joking. I haven't been there,

have not done that. I was going to be really surprised. Not, I mean, not to put you down, man. Did this turn into something more? There was a lot of furious making out. At some point, surprised not i mean not to and so did this not to put you down man did this turn into something more uh there was a lot of furious making out uh i i at some point we left that party i left with her

i want to elaborate the rest of the story from there from there other people got to use the fridge then other people got to use the fridge yeah i promptly then ignored her for six months she tried to ask me out a couple times and i was just like panic i'm very good at that i panic and run away from most situations in my life um so i had this very meaningful first kiss i then panicked for six months and ran away six months later she asked me out to the ballet to see swan lake oh wow yeah very dark very dark um uh i went it was a great time we dated for three and a half years after that oh wow yep yeah y'all met her okay okay yeah okay yes got it yeah we did it for three and a half years after that um well you know what so that so that was a victory it was a victory it was ultimately a victory it was, as you can tell in both situations,

I sort of was the much more passive actor in this of just sort of, oh, stuff is happening to me, I guess. But yeah, that was a great, I mean, getting tapped on the shoulder and then having anyone just be like, I am into you enough to shove you up against a fridge and furiously make out with you in the middle of this party. That's a great time.

There was a lot of raucous applause from friends around us. A whole lot of people suddenly were aware that both of us were very, very gay who had no idea prior to that. I'll never look at a fridge the same way again. But you know what? Keep your eggs inside of it or make out. For sharing your story and especially the vulnerability associated with it. So we do appreciate that.

And now you can... And now I'm getting kicked off the podcast. We talked about that was gonna be a weird moment. And now you can leave because I don't know. I'm really bad at that moment. Yeah, right. It's understandable. It's like your dad trying to get off the phone.

It's like me trying to kiss my girlfriend. I'm gonna go not kiss people. Thank you, buddy. You should stay now. Well, I mean. Oh, me, moving back over here. So, I mean, now the time has come for me to tell you my Amber story, which.

Now don't try to top mine just because I told mine first. Just because I told mine first. Just because I beat you to the punch doesn't mean you have to swing harder. A lot of these stories have something in common and that is people not knowing what to do, people not knowing what they want. And I definitely did not know how to go about

any of the things that I'm about to talk about. But boy did I want to. So lots of, at that age and everybody kind of. You were an initiator in general when it came to relationship type stuff. Yeah, yeah I was. And I was very much a responder and very timid. But it's interesting because especially at that age,

people are sort of waking up to their own desires. At different rates, some people, it is personality based in some ways, but then there are, I just, you know, I don't remember when it happened, but I was just like, I want to kiss a girl. I really, really want to. Even in sixth grade, when I had the,

I mean, I would think about it all the time. I've thought about this before, when I had the, I mean I would think about it all the time, I've thought about this before on Old Ear Biscuit, how I would think about it all the time, even in like first grade, I was already thinking about it and how I wanted to make it happen, but had no opportunity. Then I had that opportunity with Leslie in sixth grade, just couldn't close the deal, because I was just so nervous.

Sure. But by eighth grade, because I knew that like everybody else had done it. I mean you had kissed Amber the previous year and I don't remember how that relationship started but it was definitely one of the classic friend comes up to you and says, or no, I always initiated.

I went to the friend, I think I actually went to Leslie and said I like Amber, does Amber like me? Bada bing, bada boom, and then we were going out. And then one of the things that we all did was we would go hang out on Campbell University's campus and we would hang out in that restaurant, Shell's Place. Yeah. That was underneath D. Rich Auditorium,

which was named after a student who had been like killed on campus or something. And it was like a little restaurant. You mean Michelle? Shell's Place. Yeah. I don't know the details. I don't either.

It doesn't exist anymore. I don't think it's on campus anymore. But we would go hang, there was no college students, but a bunch of middle schoolers would go hang out there. And I remember going to campus that night knowing that I was going to kiss Amber. I was like, this is my chance, there's no parents around. And I believe Michael Juby was there,

probably with Anna at the time. You were not there at the time. But there was a couple other couples, you know. But it wasn't like a make out party situation, it was more like one at a time, these couples are going to leave and go somewhere else on to campus, kiss, and then come back. I had on my blue Nike sweatshirt.

Which I actually took my school picture in that year. It was special. Yeah. You wore it on all special occasions. Oh yeah. And tonight was gonna be special. It was my favorite article of clothing. Anytime you're premeditating anything awesome,

you're gonna wear that shirt? Yeah. And of course, as selfish as I was and am, I don't remember what Amber had on, but I had on that blue Nike sweatshirt. You premeditated to be mythical. And I said, I am going to walk her to the fountain. By the way, let's do a t-shirt called

premeditate mythicality. What about that? That's not that catchy, but maybe it'll catch on. Lots of syllables. I'm gonna walk to the fountain, it was nighttime, there's a nice fountain out there at that part of the campus. It is a nice fountain.

And I'm like, I'm gonna sit down. And again, just like you said. The edge of the fountain is kinda like a bench. Amber makes it, makes you feel like this is gonna be okay because you already knew that she had kissed other guys and I never kissed anybody but I just just knew that it wasn't gonna be this weird thing for her. I knew that she understood what was happening,

and so that whole weirdness was taken out of the fact, and she knew when we got up and walked to the fountain that that was exactly what was gonna be happening. Mm-hmm. And the only thing I was thinking was what Michael Juby had told me, which was, you gotta count. You gotta count.

He was a proponent of the timing of the kiss. And he's not even an accountant now, he's a lawyer. So, but I guess there is a lot of math involved, a lot of counting involved in that. But he was like, you gotta count. And so I was thinking, I gotta count for Michael. And I go out there and we sit down. Gotta count for Michael. I gotta report to Michael,

I gotta tell him how many seconds I went. Well he was in the Shell's place waiting. Yeah he was waiting for me. So I come back and just flash a number at him, you know. And I knew that if I wanted to go back and it needed to be something I could just communicate with my hands it had to be under 10 seconds because I've only got 10 fingers.

I didn't want to be in a situation where I'm like going like 20, 15, whatever. Doing hand Morse code. So I was like you gotta go sub a situation where I'm like going like 20, 15, whatever. Doing hand Morse code. So I'm like, you gotta go sub 10 seconds so I can communicate it. So we sit out there for a second, I put my arm around her and I just like looked at her, she looked at me

and she had the, I know what's about to happen and I'm totally into it look on her face, which just made it very easy. And I leaned in and I gotta say, I went in with an open mouth. Now not like a- I think your mind is what's supposed to be open and your mouth is supposed to start shut.

And I went in with an open mouth and there was a tongue exchange because she was ready for that, I was ready for that. I knew that that was gonna happen. Well, you'd heard many reports of my success. Yeah, and we kinda got into a little rhythm and then a couple of seconds in, I was like, oh shoot, I gotta be counting.

Oh, so then you had to estimate. I had to estimate that it had been going for three seconds and then I was like. And that's what you're gonna come back to to argue that you still went as long as I did. Six, seven, and then I was like. And that's what you're gonna come back to to argue that you still went as long as I did. Six, seven, and then I was out. Seven's a complete number, it's a prime number, it's a perfect number.

Oh gosh. And gotta keep it in single digits. And then you didn't say anything afterward because you don't, there's nothing to be said. You just kind of like. Now, I actually forgot an important detail and I've told this story before at some place so I probably have told that detail

but I actually did what I think is the right thing to do. I said, even though I knew she was totally okay with it, I was like, can I kiss you? That is great. I mean, seriously, I think that is great. And then she was like, yes. And so yeah, because first of all, the communication aspect of it is really important, right?

Absolutely. Informed consent goes, it applies every way. But just the- In every direction. The briefing, you know, the pre-briefing, the post-briefing, the post-briefing. The awkwardness will kinda go away if you talk about it a little bit. But it was great, it was good. We ended up basically dating that entire eighth grade year.

Was Michael pleased? Came back inside, flashed him the seven. He gave me the thumbs up. flashed him the seven, he gave me the thumbs up. And you know, and then many times later, we would, me and you actually sat and watched Michael kiss other people at church lock-ins, remember that? Yeah, I was not about to make out at a church lock-in. And Michael went for so long that counting

just didn't matter anymore. Right, it was like an aerobic exercise. It's like, what are you, you going for 20 minutes? Yeah, right, it was definitely a minutes situation. It was no longer a seconds situation. So, moved well beyond. Raw mouth. But yeah, it was, so, but like I said,

it was something that it was, so, but like I said, it was something that I was, I mean, we talk about this with the fact that our kids are in this age group now. Yeah. They're like, they're right in the sweet spot where when we were discovering all that, and now they're that age. And I haven't told that story.

I mean, we've talked about a lot of things in sort of like general terms. You know, trying to be as educational as possible and give the best possible advice. But I haven't told lots of personal stories. Mostly as to not give in too many ideas. I'm currently figuring this out as well. Right.

And so I'd rather not verbally process it on the podcast. But yeah, we could, you know, maybe next time. But yeah, I'll say that yeah, we're figuring this stuff out. I wanna keep it about us. Okay. I wanna respect the privacy of my family. Oh I'm not gonna tell any stories or mention any names.

But yeah, thank you to all you Mythical Beasts who shared your stories. Thank you to Ellie and Becca for sharing their stories. Yeah. And thank you, Link, for sharing your story. You're welcome. Thank you for your story too. All right guys, we'll talk at you again next week.

Can we count on you? Mm-hmm. I knew we could. Thank you.