Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 130: Fixing Your Love Life (Fan Questions) | Ear Biscuits Ep. 130

Episode Date: February 12, 2018

Commitment is the key to keeping those sparks alive. R&L share advice on how Mythical Beasts can fix their love lives, covering everything from kissing with facial hair to dirty peanut butter spoons to getting down when you have roommates on this week's Ear Biscuits. Listen to Ear Biscuits at:  Apple Podcasts: applepodcasts.com/earbiscuits Spotify: spoti.fi/2oIaAwp Art19: art19.com/shows/ear-biscuits SoundCloud: @earbiscuits Follow Rhett & Link:  Instagram: https://instagram.com/rhettandlink Facebook: https://facebook.com/rhettandlink Twitter: https://twitter.com/rhettandlink Tumblr: https://rhettandlink.tumblr.com Snapchat: @realrhettlink Website: https://mythical.co/ Follow us on YouTube: Good Mythical Morning: www.youtube.com/user/rhettandlink2 Good Mythical MORE: youtube.com/user/rhettandlink3 Rhett & Link: www.youtube.com/rhettandlink This is Mythical: www.youtube.com/rhettandlink4 Credits: Hosted By: Rhett & Link Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Jacob Moncrief Technical Director & Editor: Kiko Suura Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Ooh, welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting. I was trying to like cue you that this was gonna be more of a sensual start. Yeah, I didn't wanna follow you there. Yeah.

So the music. I decided not to. I hope the music started sensual and then like once Rhett didn't follow me, it's like zrip, it went away, but not with a record scratch. The music is always the same. These are edit notes, no record scratches. The music has always been the same,

so you can make it sensual in your own mind. Oh, trust me, I have. And I'm not talking to you, I'm talking to you, Ear Biscuit-eer. Trust me, they have. You can make, I believe, one of the reasons that we picked the theme song that we did pick, Ear Biscuit-eer. Trust me, they have. You can make, I believe, one of the reasons that we picked the theme song that we did pick for Ear Biscuits is because you can make it say anything.

You can make it sad, you can make it happy, you can make it sensual. It's one note. Boop, boop, boop, boop. It can be anything. Literally. It can go anywhere. You know how sometimes when you're just sitting there

and there's a noise that starts happening over and over again in a rhythm, like it might be a fan that's getting caught or something like that, and then it kind of begins to make a little rhythm and you think you got a song on your hands. Ooh, but it's a slow jam that starts with boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Listen, it could be an R. Kelly song. Well, we probably shouldn't bring R. Kelly into it, but it could be any kind of thing that you want it to be. You know? Yeah, I think that that's what Ear Biscuits is all about. It's what you make it. Well, that's not really true and we know that. We're gonna be talking about relationships.

We ask you, challenge our advice-giving prowess with your most difficult romance questions. Yeah. Such a pretentious way to ask a question. Well that's our MO, isn't it? We like to think that we've got great answers to everything. It was tongue in cheek, it was facetious. I'm sorry if you didn't interpret it that way.

Reading your own copy on the internet. and interpret it that way, reading your own copy on the internet. We are going to, yeah, get into some relationship mess. I will not be talking that way at any point. We're gonna stir it up and get the aromas eking out. Oh, come on. And then we're gonna taste the soup, baby. There will be no eking and there will be no tasting.

You're getting choked up. Okay, I'll stop. I think my throat problem's coming back. We're just, we're talking about, Uh-oh. We're talking about relationship, advice is a tough word, we're just gonna, you know. We're gonna give our perspective, maybe that's helpful.

We're just gonna chat, we're gonna chat it up. And give our POV on the LUV. Am I gonna start? I'll push this out and I need to pull it back in. Sure. So let's just get into a question, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do that. Gina Hare, my boyfriend sometimes goes days

without showering. How do I politely tell him he smells like moldy Swiss without hurting his feelings? Well, first of all, I mean, a follow-up question is, is this just a, is she being sensational? Or does he really smell like moldy Swiss? Well, that's a very specific observation. If he goes days without showering

and he's like the mean average, that's redundant, of activity, he's probably gonna smell. But everybody smells like a different thing. And if you eat a lot of cheese. But everybody smells like a different thing. And if you eat a lot of cheese. Let's just accept this question at face value that yes, he does smell like Swiss cheese. He does smell like moldy Swiss.

Because Swiss already stinks. Okay, so he stinks. It stinks, but then it tastes good. Does he taste good? That's the question. Gosh. Your lips taste like Swiss. But your body smells like Swiss,

so this is a zero sum game. This is a problem, I will say that. I think if you go days without showering, that's the problem. Well, I don't know. And then if you're dating a person who goes days without showering, that is a second problem.

But showering is a modern day phenomenon. You know, but then I also think it's a problem that Jean is asking how do I politely tell him. That is the real problem. I think if, you know. Don't need to be polite. Well, first of all, I think this is the foundation that I think of perspective that we're gonna bring

to all of these relationship questions and some of them are gonna get a lot more weighty than this first one. I'll just go ahead and tell you that. It's gonna get real. But even for this one, I will say, it can't be a question of am I gonna say something or not? First of all, you can't live or be in a relationship

with somebody who stinks or smells in a way that you don't like them to. And secondly, you have to be able to find a way to talk about it and it's, I don't think politely is the right adjective, adverb, I mean, that you're looking for. I think it's effectively and lovingly. Have the conversation.

Another way to say what you're getting at. Say it in another way. The foundation is communication. Communication. And you're asking this question, Gina, as if you're talking about a coworker. You know, in terms of the way that we see communication, so like, I might have an acquaintance

or I might have a coworker or I might have, you know, if you're in school, you might have a classmate that has a problem with their hygiene. And you would ask the question, how do I politely address this? How do I politely address this situation with somebody that I don't know well enough to just talk to them about it openly, but when you're in the relationship

with somebody. Hurting his feelings. You wanna be beyond that place. So I don't know, maybe this is a very new relationship and so, but if this relationship is a serious dating relationship and this is beyond like, I actually just said Siri, serious and then Siri came up. Go ahead, I'm listening, she says.

Siri, what do you think about this answer? I'm about to blow your mind. What was your point? My point was is that. Make her stop listening. Yeah, quit listening, Siri! Golly! Is that, you should be beyond this in the relationship.

I'm assuming that this is a serious dating relationship and you have to find, there's a deeper problem here. You gotta get to a place where you can have communication where this kind of stuff is being addressed. Like, if I smell, my wife smells right, which she doesn't, but if she did smell right. We all do at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or your breath stinks or. Yeah, I let her know and she lets me know. And it's just part of the contract, the honesty contract. So you just get to things a lot more quickly. If you're concerned about hurting your partner's feelings when it comes to them not showering for three days and you telling them

that they stink, then you're in for a world of challenges in conducting a relationship when there are like, the real stuff hits the fan. When it really stinks. And you've got, and you're gonna hurt their feelings. Now, I mean, when Christy tells me, man, your breath stinks, or did you eat garlic for lunch because you're like reeking? Okay, if the wrong people are in the room when she says that

and she says it in the wrong way, then it might hurt my feelings a little bit, but I cannot have a relationship where the person that I trust and love the most can't tell me when I don't realize I'm doing something offensive. Right. That's the bedrock of a relationship. You gotta look out for each other.

So I think to answer your question, that's how you approach it. It's not a complaint that like, hey, you stink, I don't like how you smell, but it's like, hey, I'm looking out for you, we are a team, we gotta make sure neither one of us stinks. Right. And you're the one who does.

And it probably to do with the fact that you don't shower enough. Yeah, well and halitosis is the biggest offender here. Let me just bring that into it, we'll move on to another question. I don't wanna take so much time on this one, but what happens when one of the people in the relationship has halitosis

and it's not addressed by the person who obviously smells it, two things happen. First thing that happens is it settles in, it locks in, and then 20 years down the road, there's just- You've learned to live with it. You're one of those people that when you open your mouth at a grocery store, an aisle next to you, I can tell- The cereal boxes melt.

Somebody with halitosis is opening their mouth. Could be yawning, could be talking. Link and I are super hypersensitive to it. And it makes us really angry. Annoying level. But because it's so easily addressed in 99% of the cases. By a partner. But the partner's the one who has to address it.

Right. Don't let this be perpetuated. You're creating a problem for society. I was at a freakin' restaurant recently, enjoying time with my family, and there was a husband and wife, and it's usually dudes, let me just go ahead and say, dudes got bad breath most of the time.

I don't know, something about what's happening in their bodies. We're not talking about something you eat, we're talking about something that's living there. And dude sits down with his wife, and like 15 seconds into him sitting down, apparently he opened his mouth. And it drifted over to your family. And Jessie and I immediately made eye contact

and just started shaking our heads. And the partner. He's got it. And it's a specific bacteria. It's prevalent all across the world. And you know who's at fault? The person dining with him and not saying anything. The person who's closest, who's in denial. How the heck are you supposed to say something?

How? A waiter can't say anything. Catch it early. Catch it often. Be honest. Attack the stink at the heart. And you know what? Fart in a relationship early. Just get it out there. Yeah, I know people who have gone many, many years and have not farted in front of each other and then there's another hangup where people don't like to,

like, I've been in your bathroom at home. Now, my bathroom at my home, the toilet is secluded. I love it. Isolated. A sequestered toilet. It's in its own little closet. But every other house I've ever lived in, it was just out in the open. And in your house, it's out in the open.

I'm fixing it. I'm building a cardboard. Cardboard. No, no, but I think that this is actually great because I mean, there's gotta be times when you're taking a dump and Christy's brushing her teeth, right? I mean, this is.

No, because I use the, I go downstairs and use the guest bathroom for that. Well, you're not backing up my point. What I'm saying is, is that, now, I can respect somebody who's like, we want to keep the romance alive. I've got close friends. I'm not saying you take a turd drop in front of your spouse or your loved one. Okay, maybe I'm taking it too far.

That's going just too far, man. But you've got to go too far to know when to come back from it, okay? So don't necessarily take dumps in front of each other. You wouldn't follow me into talking like this, but you expect me to follow you into that? No! My wife, Christy, you know, we're ordering at a restaurant and if it, and I'm like, I hear her order

and then I'm like, now that has marinara in it. You know that makes you burp a lot. I'm like, I don't want- Marinara? Marinara makes her burp. Specifically. And so then the rest of the night she's doing that thing where it's like. Oh gosh, oh man.

Like she doesn't like. Yeah, you get in the car and then you just smell it. Well, it's not even the smell, I can't- It is for me. Well, the smell's not great, but I honestly don't smell it as I can't. It is for me. Well the smell's not great but I honestly don't smell it as much as it just annoys me when it's just like, she does that like trying to not exude a burp.

I call it the chili dog burp. We call it the Coach Royal because our grade school coach would always like under his breath. And he thought by stopping talking and going, he was hiding it from us all. Like his cheeks would get big? We know what's happening, coach. We see that you're burping and then swallowing it.

But it's like, it's acid reflux, it's a prob, or something. I think, hey, that's what's happening with my throat, man. And I'm like, don't. Acid reflux. And I'm like, don't get the marinara. She's like, but I love the marinara. Get the Alfredo. It's like, well.

But you know what, we have an open, honest conversation about it, nobody's feelings are hurt, and we both get a little annoyed, but I mean, what is love if you're not annoyed? It's part, I mean, that is a sign that you're truly, we'll get to this. We will get into that. Here's another one.

Well, we're like 13 minutes in, so I do wanna stop for a second. Sell something? Take a short break. Okay, we're like 13 minutes in, so I do wanna stop for a second. Sell something? Take a short break. Okay, sure. And let you know that. Ear Biscuits is supported by Mattress Firm.

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Because I got in my bed the other night and I was just thinking, this place is my throne. This is my, people say the toilets are thrown, that's stupid. The bed is the place where you rule. Where you sleep. Well, I'm not gonna list all the things, but it's just, it's an important, special place

that you gotta get right. You see what I'm getting at? I'm getting at Mattress Firm. Yes. And if I'm king, everybody's gonna get a free mattress from Mattress Firm. But that's not the offer yet. You're not king. Right.

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The McLaughlins are not those people. Those are great people, but you're not in that category. I love those people. The McLaughlins are not those people. The McLaughlins are always running around by the seat of our pants, making last minute decisions, and my wife is always texting me at 5.30, what do you want for dinner?

What are we gonna do? We're gonna order out, we're gonna make something. Do you feel like making something? I don't feel like making something. Maybe I should make something. We have this conversation, and honestly, it breeds conflict, but there are the sweet nights, I call them. And those are the nights in which Hello Fresh has come.

And we know exactly what we're gonna have. We have everything we need to make it. And we do not have that discussion because we just say, hello fresh. And we eat it as a family smiling at all one another. Well, we Nils are planners and I'll tell you, that doesn't mean that we got our meal game down. It's extremely difficult to do that.

So even for planners, it's hard to actually follow through with that. So HelloFresh, we've really been enjoying it. It's helped us. If you don't know, HelloFresh offers a wide variety of chef curated recipes that change weekly and you choose from one of three plans, classic, veggie, and family.

You choose a delivery day for when works best for your busy schedule and you can pause the accounts for weeks when you're out of town. The food comes in the right proportions with the recipe that's easy to follow. You can knock it out, make it in 30 minutes, and if your family's like mine, then we eat it in like 12. Yes.

Because we like to wolf things down. The cool thing, we signed up for the veggie one just to experience that. You find yourself cooking things on your own that you've never tried before, so you kinda get out of your comfort zone, which is fun. It's a family experience for us

that has been made conveniently easy by HelloFresh. For $30 off your first week of HelloFresh, visit HelloFresh.com and enter Ear30, E-A-R 30. HelloFresh.com, Ear30. Now on with the biscuit. Kayleigh Kathleen Bentley submitted to us, an ex of mine had a- She did not submit to us, she just-

Submitted to us this question. An ex of mine, god. An ex of mine had an incredible personality, amazing taste in music, a great sense of style. We had the same political views and even our dreams for the future were pretty much aligned. I'm sensing a butt here. A big ol' butt.

The only negative was that he had a pretty insane amount of facial hair. Facial hair? It would get in the way of our kisses constantly because it essentially grew over his lips. I'm not kidding when I say this thing had a mind of its own. What would have been a polite way, polite again, what would have been a polite way of offering

to help trim it or keep it clean if only for the benefit of other women? Hashtag your biscuits. Obviously I take personal offense at this. We actually made a video about kissing and having a beard. Sponsored by Gillette. Yeah. And it was me shaving my face and saying that I was a superior kisser because of it.

Now, how to kill a beard, I think is what I changed the name to. Kaley, here's what I will say. It may be true that it's more fun to kiss a man without a beard, but it is not more fun to look at this man without a beard. So I'm a lot less kissable without this beard because I look like an alien that was abandoned

on another planet. On another planet. Yeah, not on another planet. On another planet. Yeah, not his own planet. Oh, okay. You know what I'm saying? Like an alien. Not this planet. So two things.

It's an alien that didn't even make it to us. Not of the human race. I got you. And then abandoned by whatever race he is a part of. So it's better to be kissed and have a compromised experience than to not entice someone to kiss you at all. But I would just say that as a prelude

because my real answer to the question is that I think that the sensation that you feel when you kiss a bearded person is something that you actually adjust to relatively quickly. Like if you think that beards are gross. Are you speaking from what Jessie has told you? Yes. Okay. It's the kind of thing that if you've never kissed

a bearded person, I assume that you notice and you experience the beard and you may have a negative experience with the beard. But I think that experience, I mean, I think that multiple kisses, eventually it's just part of their face and you no longer think about it. But she says that it grows over the lips, and I have seen guys with that.

No, and I, Essentially grew over his lips. And I will say that I do, I trim. You cut it across. Right above the lips. I do that for my own benefit, because if I don't do that, then when I'm it pushes hair into my mouth which I hate. But I think that this is just a... I think you could have had a great relationship if you had just

committed to the beard. However, again, with what you were getting at, this whole how do I politely suggest... If you didn't like the beard and it was a deal breaker for you and he wouldn't look like an alien without his beard, then you should've just, don't worry about being polite. If it's part of the relationship and there's all this stuff, I'm not saying be a jerk about it. Yeah, I just think this is easy. I mean, if you tell a guy that you're dating,

dude, I really desire to kiss you and have an enjoyable experience while we're doing that. But I need you to trim back the hedge. Make me a target. Like I can't even tell that you have a mouth right now. I don't even know where to begin. If you say that, like I'm very motivated to kiss you, this is not an ultimatum, but I am just saying honestly

that this will make it a better experience for both of us. I guarantee you that thing will be zipped across. Yeah, yeah, if it's that big of a priority, then you just gotta address it and they gotta deal with it. And if they end up looking crazy after they get rid of it, then maybe you'll change your mind. I can't imagine having the mustache just go straight across the mouth.

That seems crazy to me. Well, some people are willing to grow it so far that they then push it to the side. Push it to the side. Yeah, but then it's to the side. Again, you gotta work as teen, as teammates. It sounds like a bad beard management situation really is what it boils down to. So far it seems like these women gotta swoop in

and help their men with some just basic hygiene. Let's have a question. That should never be apologized for. A little bit more serious. All right. Timothy Coupland? In all seriousness. Is there a question mark at the end of his last name?

Yeah, it's weird, I've never seen that. In all seriousness. Is there a question mark at the end of his last name? Yeah, it's weird, I've never seen that. In all seriousness, studies show that after around three to six months, the initial hormones that make you crazy in love wear off. And in fact, your body grows tired of the other person's pheromones. What should a person do to keep a relationship going during this time?

Three to six months, you say you fall out of that like infatuation level of love. Well, let's just start by saying, I don't know if the science is, you may be right about this, I have not researched this particular thing. I don't know if the specific thing that you're saying about the pheromones is true,

but I do know that the concept of the crazy in love, initial sparks, crazy about each other in the first few months of getting to know each other wears off, that is a truth of all relationships. So it's really a, and I think it's a great test of when that inevitably happens, does something more enticing in a different way replace it? It's a different kind of love.

May, I will have been married to Christy for 18 years. And then for you in- June will be 17. June will be 17 years of marriage. And then you add a couple of years of dating. So this anniversary, I mean, by the end of this year, it'll be 20 years of us being in like a committed relationship.

So I have a hard time thinking back to like when things started to shift, you know, but I certainly know that you don't make it years, much less decades, just based on just feelings. I mean, you know, it's commitment. You start to act within the confines, confines is not the right word, within a relationship structure

that it doesn't have a question mark on the end of it. You know, where it's, hey, we are in this together. We're now, we're fully committed. It's not about questioning that. So it is a really important decision, you know, to make a commitment, whether that's in marriage or, you know, just conversationally, I guess. You know, wherever you're at in your relationship.

But you've got to, I lost my train of thought. What was I saying? Can I hop on the train? Hop on, yeah. Did you take the train? Is that what happened? Exactly, it's a new technique. That's what it's, true.

I read a wiki how on it and it worked. It's like, why did I forget what I was saying? I totally didn't expect to be able to get the train of thought. I think we're on the same train incidentally. Yeah, this initial infatuation that is the reason that you fall in love, it's there for a very particular reason, right, it's like, and we'll get into this

in a little bit, I think that if you just follow your raw, natural desires, apart from any kind of social contract or obligations or like what's ultimately best for you, your family, and the world, you're gonna be a serial cheater, a person who's, you know, even a serial monogamous, whatever the flavor of the month is, that's what you're kinda naturally going to gravitate towards

because that initial rush, it's physiological, there's stuff that's happening to you. Why did you say serial monogamous? That confused me. Well, because some people are serial cheaters and Why did you say serial monogamous? That confused me. Well, because some people are serial cheaters and then some people are serial monogamous, meaning they go for, they're still, they're with one person at a time,

but they run out of steam with a person and they go to the next one. Okay. So they're not necessarily being unfaithful to the person they're with. But it's the same kind of concept. It's like, I've got to have something new like that kind of releases those, you know, it gets that part of my brain active

and almost like a drug. The falling in love experience. But if that's what you're expecting from a relationship, now first of all, I will say having been married almost 17 years and 18 years here is that it does come in cycles. So I think that, now first of all, it's not like, well there's this initial incredible energy

that starts the relationship, and then three to six months in you're just cold and you don't wanna be with a person and you just, you stick with it. Well no, that's not what we're saying at all. No. If you have the mentality that Link was describing that's based on commitment and you're committed to continuing to discover each other and know each other

and kindle things, it's gonna come in waves. And that's what I forgot. The commitment is separate from the waves. And I would say my experience is that a commitment between Christy and I opened up a world of possibilities for us to then experience relationship on another level that if there's this constant, be it ever so small threat

or question mark in our relationship if there's this constant, be it ever so small threat or question mark in our relationship that maybe this isn't gonna work out or maybe she's not 100% committed or I'm not 100% into this. And you know, if you take that off the table, it just opens up a world of trust so then you can experience everything that life throws at you and that relationships

and being the closest to somebody else on Earth, to have somebody in your inner circle, like so close to you that it's like they become part of you is something that I just can't imagine that happening if you have question marks. So once you, so for us having that commitment allowed us to then weather, it's not even weather like the rough patches in the relationship

which I think are guaranteed to come. Again and again. And you know sometimes. Because the love, the nature of the love. And you can grow. I mean those are beautiful moments. I'm saying even rough patches become beautiful moments like when life hits you hard and you have somebody that you're going through it with,

it can be a very beautiful thing if you're not constantly questioning it. And I think that the rush that you get from love that's been around for over a decade, there are moments that are even stronger and more significant than the initial attraction. A lot of times we talk about how we didn't have any idea what we were doing.

We were young, we got lucky, honestly. Both of us got very lucky because a lot of people who get married at the age that we got married at and then change because we have changed a lot. I was 21 when I got married. Yeah, and I was 23. I turned 22 the week after. And I was 23 and as a 40 year old, I'm a very different person than I was at 23.

My wife is a very different person than she was at 19, 19 when we got married. And a lot of people don't make it past those significant changes. Like in your late 20s, there's big life changes. In your early 30s, mid 30s, there's these big changes that happen in most people's lives. And we just got lucky that, but there was a luck factor

to it, I do believe, because we do love each other and we do like each other, like we do genuinely like each other, we're not tolerating each other. But I think the moments that we've had, you know, in the past 10 years have been much more, ultimately much more intense when it comes to romance than they were in the very early stages. I also think that I never believed in like a soul,

like, is a soulmate what you call the person, like the one person you were destined to be with? Well, which is, I mean, I'll ask this question as you get into this because Dustin Israel says, "'Short and simple, I wanna know how you guys "'would define true love as in the kind you have "'for your own wives. "'What got you there?

"'How did you know that this is it? "'Not that you can always put a real definition to the idea "'but as an avid ear biscuit, "'as an avid ear biscuetteer, I'm curious to see where you two take this conversation. So what's true love? Saying you don't believe in soulmates. Well, no, I think that I,

that's just what I've always thought. Like I always believed that, you know, human beings being deeply flawed, it's guaranteed that when you're in such a close knit relationship with somebody, when you partner up, that things are, you know, there's all those flaws are gonna, it's gonna be difficult. And it's, so that's the first thing I've always believed

is that you're not gonna find the perfect person that there's never gonna be any problems. Like it's just guaranteed. It's part of the ingredients. The ingredients are flawed people. The perfect person doesn't exist. The perfect match for you doesn't exist because the only perfect match for you is yourself.

And then, you know what I'm saying? And which could be really horrible. So I think giving, bringing. I'm not saying another person who is exactly yourself, I'm just saying the only person you're ever gonna get along with is your own mind. Yeah, I know you're saying that. Even then you can't even get along with yourself.

And I'm saying that might be a lot worse than giving yourself over to just loving yourself than allowing another flawed person so closely intertwined into your life that they make you a better person and you make them a better person. So in believing that, I think that's what made me start believing

that there's no one that's perfect, so therefore there's no one person that I'm looking for as much as, for me, you know, you find yourself being very attracted and loving somebody and then, you know, it's a combination of that and then compatibility and commitment.

Like, I mean, being aligned in terms of the things that you want for yourself from a partner and in life. I mean, there's a lot of emotional but also practical aspects to it that I just don't think it's, and I think it's, you know, being aligned enough to know that like we're, it makes, it can work on paper for us to be partners. Well, yeah, I think it's, again,

we're not trying to take the romance out of this thing, but I think it's a lot more practical than anyone ever really wants to believe. It's not that we're taking romance out of it, it's that romance checks itself out and then you have to work to bring it back in occasionally. Well, to get back to the soulmate thing and then to address this question

of how you know you're supposed to be with somebody, I think that just the concept of there being one person that has been selected for you by some cosmic force. It's a beautiful idea, but the reality seems to be that it's much more practical than that. You met somebody at a time when you were available, you were in a life stage where you were ready to get into a serious relationship,

and they checked some boxes of physical attraction and common interest and then the next thing you know, you find yourself married. And I think that there's a very practical side to it and it doesn't mean that it's not love but I think that the love comes in that commitment that kind of surpasses the, because what happens is, going back to that previous

question is like, you're also going to find, there's gonna be somebody else along the lines that you meet and you're like, well, I'm attracted to them and I have common interest with them. It's like, well maybe I should be with them instead of the person that I'm with. I mean that happens in relationships all the time. But what you don't realize is that if she was

on the other foot and you were with the person that you think you should be with and you met the person that you're with now, you'd probably have the same exact thought about them. And I do feel like I should jump in here. I think we, there's certainly a balancing perspective for somebody who's been through a divorce or had been in a really committed relationship

and then there was a really catastrophic breakup. And then on the other side of that, you haven't experienced true love or found another partner. You know, it's, so I do wanna acknowledge that you and I, we have basically the same experience, so. And we got lucky, that's why I said, I wanna be very clear to say that I don't think,

well, I'm still with my wife because I understand commitment, a big part of it is that Jessie and I have realized as we've gotten older that we actually like each other, even as we've changed, we still like each other, and that has've changed, we still like each other. And that has made the ability to stay committed easier because I think there are people who go through fundamental changes in personality or worldview

and then they cannot be compatible in a way that makes it tolerable to live with someone. Or life situation. And some people stick it out and they get through that and some people decide, you know what, we've collectively decided that we both want different lives and I respect that decision. So I'm not saying that this means

you can't make those decisions. So I completely agree with you. But we both got lucky. And the fact that it's still working out. Yeah, I think to summarize that we in no way want the perspective that we're giving to be interpreted as moral advice. You know, we're giving- Or a judgment of some kind.

Or any judgment. Just giving you our perspective. You know, I mean, my dad, he's been married a lot of times. Yeah. My mom's been married three times, my dad's been married five times. Mm-hmm. You know, and it's something that I've learned to,

I think I used to try to, I judged that as a kid or like as a newlywed, you know, and that wasn't fair. So that's the last thing I wanna do to you listening. Yeah, so it's really just the individual relationship that you're in right now. If you love each other and you are compatible, then just know that the romance is going to come and go and the commitment has to, if you're gonna stay together,

the commitment has to supersede it. Okay, let's move on to a different subject from Melissa Eberhardt. Should my husband, your age, 40, thanks. Ouch. And I, not 40, come on, Melissa. That's like me. Give in to the baby pressure.

Neither of us have kiddos, though. Thought I should ask some brilliant, no okay, now you're on a good side, 40 year olds, if they would ever consider. I am not 40. Dadhood starting at this age and maybe I can convince them one way or another so we quit going back and forth.

So she wants to have a baby, she's almost 40, her over 40 husband doesn't seem to be. She didn't, no, she did not say she wants to have a baby. She said, should I give into the baby pressure? So she's probably got relatives. They just don't know what they wanna do and they're probably having a bunch of conversations. To me, but then she said the word convince.

That's what gets me. No, maybe I can convince him one way or another. Oh. So we quit going back and forth. So he just doesn't have his mind made up and she apparently doesn't either. And there's a question that we wanted to lump in with this one because we think we can answer them together.

Nat Pua. Why, huh? Pua. Pua, that's what I said. I'm just saying it because I like the way it sounds. Pua. Okay, you done? Nah, I'll say it a because I like the way it sounds. Pua. Okay, you done? I'll say it a few more times, but go ahead. Pua.

Wife and I are expecting our first child in June. Oh, I've already done it. She is worried that this marks the end of all things romantic, dates, et cetera. As parents and husbands yourselves, any pro advice? Again, we are not pros, but we are. Brilliant 40 year olds. Husbands and parents.

Oh man, yeah, well, the having kids at 40 plus is a specific thing, but having- Well, let's not, because the LA, let's just assume these people are on the Los Angeles timeline. One of the things that we- I'm just saying that's a specific question. It is, but I think that having been out here

and realizing that we are the very, very odd case that has, you know, you've got a high schooler and I've got somebody who's about to be a high schooler and like out here, people don't start their families until they're in their late 30s or 40s. So this is actually not that unusual, at least out here. Yeah. So I don't wanna get into the age necessarily,

but because we're actually, we've been talking to some friends of ours who have been asking the question, like they're friends with us and a lot of other people who have kids and they're just like, should we have kids? You know, and we've been having this conversation pretty candidly. You got something?

I'm afraid. You're afraid to say it? I'm afraid to say it. Well, let me say it. No, I don't have anything I'm afraid to say. I'm just afraid to try to, you know, giving people advice about if they should have a baby or not scares the crap out of me. We shouldn't give any specific, let me just premise this by- You know what, people advice about if they should have a baby or not scares the crap out of me.

We shouldn't give any specific, let me just premise this by. You know what, just do it, just have a baby. Let me just say that. Blame us. You will hate us. So let's just do that. If we did give the advice to have a baby,

this may be a good thing. Then they could blame us and direct all their anger at us instead of each other. It's like, you're the one who convinced me that we should start having kids. They can direct it all towards Rhett and Link and then they can be a team. But what about the child?

How's he gonna get out of this? I'm just saying in the moments when you're feeling like this is freaking difficult, which let's say it's half the time, the other half of the time, they're super grateful that they have kids. I mean, you're gonna have both of those times. And in the time when you're like,

man, this is a big mistake. It's like, why did I try to hike Everest? You're already up there. So it's like, you're almost up there. So it's like, you can't come down now, you're in it. Well. You hate us, not each other. Well.

So I'm saying go for it. And blame us later. Let me just premise this by saying that, I think that children are wonderful. And I think that, I think that our society is ultimately built on the family unit. And so I think that healthy families, intact families,

with committed parents who are committed to each other and their kids has been for thousands of years to each other and their kids has been for thousands of years kinda glue the whole society together. You know, and I truly believe that. Cause, I mean, the next generation's gotta come from somewhere. And if they're raised in stable homes, they're going to do better, right?

But that doesn't mean that everybody needs to be a part of that movement. And there's interesting things happening in different cultures like, you know, typically the way that this goes is you've got the more educated people get, the more developed countries get, the less children they have. And then you get into situations like Japan

where nobody's getting married and having kids and now they're getting this age population and they want people to immigrate and they want people to come and have kids because just the way the whole system works. And then typically in developing countries, people are having lots of kids and they're kind of striving their economy

and you know, it's very complex. But for just the individual person and the people asking the question and sort of the thing that we've been talking about with our friends is that you just have to know, like we didn't know. We were on a very different path. We were on the path that was graduate from college,

get married, have kids. And that is a- You did a good job. That typically is like Southern United States, Midwestern United States. There's some pockets of the country where that's kind of the path that people go on. Like it may be weird that I've got a 13-year-old kid,

but if I go back to North Carolina, everybody my age has a 13 year old kid. It is weird here. But it's unusual here. So if you already have established a life in kind of, the people that we know travel all the time, they've been to all seven continents. They went to seven continents in one year.

And they're all- I didn't even know there were seven. They're all over the place. They're constantly doing things and they have both- By the way, my dad's only been married four times. Yeah, I thought about correcting you, but then I was like, he probably knows better than I do, but I thought it was four, I only remember four.

And there's seven continents, so I got both those right now. Got it. I just told them, I'm not gonna tell you whether you should have kids or not. I just wanna let you know that if you have children, you won't go to Seven Continents in one year. So you just need to understand that.

And you may be like, well, we've already been to Seven Continents in one year. We've done that and now we're ready for this different adventure. Right, so Nat Pua's saying she's expecting in June, is this the end of all things romantic? Well Rhett's saying this is the end of visiting all seven continents.

Definitely. For a long time. And this is also probably the end of one of you. But they can retire, the kids will be out of the house, depending on how old they are, and then they can visit all seven continents if they want to. But it's also, it's not just about travel,

it's also about career. You know, in our situation, our wives made a sacrifice to be the ones who spent the majority of their time with the children, and just now that our kids are in school and getting older, they're beginning to think about their careers. Huge sacrifice. And you know, and that typically, historically,

that burden has fallen more to women than men. That's changing a little bit. But you also have to think about that because if you both have something that's going to take a bunch of your time, you both got these big dreams and these big desires, you just gotta know that something is going to change monumentally.

And if you both aren't on the same page about that, bringing a child into that is probably not a great idea. I got two things. First of all, so to your specific question, does this mark the end of all things romantic? Yes. For at least a year. I mean, you're gonna, or until you can get

a good babysitter, you gotta find a good babysitter and then you gotta be committed to paying that babysitter so that you can have dates. You can't be one of these couples who doesn't let the kids stay with the babysitter. Yeah, it's like, we can't do this because of the baby. Or grandma, or aunt. I say pawn that baby off on somebody

as soon as it is just, it can live on its own. Anybody, anybody passing by on a train. No, someone you trust. But you gotta be committed to that if you have any hope of ever recapturing the romance because it's gonna be gone for a while. Don't let it be gone forever. You're at a crucial point, Poulos.

Get that babysitter. But I'm not volunteering. Second thing, back to the previous question about the, should we, can we convince, can I convince him one way or the other so we can quit going back and forth? I'm gonna give him some specific advice. You tell me if you disagree or if it's dangerous.

Uh-oh. Any caveats? Melissa and your hubby, you should earmark a certain amount of time. I'm talking about days to weeks with a starting point and an end point where you are not going to discuss it, but you are going to, you give yourselves and the other person the assignment to reflect

and go on whatever a vision quest means to you to make a decision for right now. Are you talking about ayahuasca? No, I'm talking about whatever that means for you. Because I don't think you should advise that. I'm not advising that. I don't even know how to spell that. Starts with an I probably.

I just don't think it's healthy for you to try to convince or influence each other or even verbally process it because I get the impression that you've done that a lot. So I'm doing like palm reading here. I can sense that, no I'm not. And then I think you should come back with an answer and then you should three, two, one, say your answer. And the question should be specific.

Like, so for the next six months, are we going to, like, let's make a decision now for the next X amount of time, I'm gonna say six months, before we start, pick up this decision again to maybe have children. I think that's good advice. Three, two, one, like we do on GMM and you say your answer, yes or no, and if you both say the same thing, then you do it.

If you, yes or no. You either start trying to have a baby or not. And then if you disagree, you gotta wait. This is not the type of thing that you can convince the other person of or say, well, if you feel that strongly, of course, this is coming from somebody that, our third child, we decided to start trying to have, who ended up being Lando, the conversation was,

well, I'll participate in trying to make a third baby if I get to name the baby, if it's a boy. Like, that was literally the negotiation. But you already had two, so it wasn't like, it wasn't the decision to break the seal and have children. Right. It was to add a third. Yeah, by the time we get to three, it can just come down to like frivolous negotiation

or something like who gets to name the child. Right. If I get to name it, we can make it. I don't think, so I don't ultimately think your advice is bad. I mean, another way to say it is, you know, you could have, you could say, we're gonna set a date by which, maybe you have a summit,

maybe you just say we're gonna take a day, we're gonna go somewhere and the focus of our conversation, our interaction, especially if you don't feel like there's one person who would manipulate the other, and we're just gonna make a decision together. Or, you know what, you just do ayahuasca. That's a joke. Are you not gonna read something from there?

You want me to move to this? It said four on that page, I thought it was your turn. But you're being so reckless. Okay no, I got one. Then I'll read one. I got one. Shannon Herban. How do I get my hubby to rinse the caked on peanut butter

off his spoons before putting them in the dishwasher? Yes, peanut butter is the nectar of the gods, but it turns into the devil's shoe gum once it's been sitting in the sink a few hours. These are the conflicts upon which the foundations of partnerships are eroded. These are the conflicts upon which the foundations of partnerships are eroded. It's the little things.

Excuse me, let me spend the next 30 seconds clearing my throat. Ah, ah, yeah. Pua. Pua. I'm just looking for an opportunity to say that name again. Pua. P-U-A. It's exactly what you would think it's spelled like.

I do, well I thought it would be spelled with two O's and an A, it's with a U. I frequently sink my spoon into the delicious brown nectar of peanut butter. Is this a euphemism or are you talking about a spoon of peanut butter? And then, and you know what? When I'm done with that spoon,

there's not a remnant of peanut butter. You're not normal though. Because that's, I mean, it is a pet peeve of mine. It's wasteful and it creates these problems. And you know what? I think that Christy and I, you know, you talk about being lucky, things that you couldn't understand,

but I think one of the keys to our compatibility is how we both, like, and maybe this is because our skills and our faults line up in this way, but we're so compatible when it comes to like keeping a house, like keeping spoons. Like we would both be annoyed by those things where it's like shared space type stuff,

like everything needs a place and let's organize stuff and let's use the dishwasher in this way. Like we're very compatible. I think it has ended up being a real key to our relationship in that we're compatible in that way because we both care so much about something that if the other person didn't, it would drive us nuts. So I really feel for you that he's putting these tainted,

uncleaned peanut buttered spoons in the dishwasher. You make it sound so scandalous. Man. That's tough, man. Well. I think it could be grounds for, Divorce.

I think it could lead to divorce. Well, it could lead to divorce. I don't think it's grounds for divorce. No, it's not grounds. I have a different perspective, which I think is interesting in light of what you just said. I don't think it's grounds for divorce. No, it's not grounds. I have a different perspective, which I think is interesting in light of what you just said. I don't know how to fix it for you. I wish I could.

Because I, it's interesting, because Jessie and I are not on the same page when it comes to the way that we approach, quote, "'Keeping a house, as you said. But my level of concern about it is very, very low. So first of all, like Jessie's an incredible designer. Our home is amazing. It's like we get compliments on it all the time

and I'm like, it's her, she's the one, she makes all these decisions, it looks great because of her. I like what you've done with the peanut butter spoon in the sink. And it's clean and it's beautiful, but there's a few drawers you probably shouldn't open. You know what I'm saying?

And I assume that every drawer at the Neal house is worth opening and useful and organized and you probably have like organizers and that kind of thing. When people come over, we ask them to open the drawers. Open a drawer, I dare you. Just fishing for compliments. And so, but we've got closets and doors

that are hiding things and have been hiding them for a very long time. You shall not pass. And interestingly, I don't, that's not what I would do. And, but I think the fact that I have a high tolerance level for it, so it's like, I would not do this in the drawer but I'm not gonna open. It's not a source of contention.

But I'm not gonna open this drawer and let it really get my goat. And so therefore, we're totally different than you guys but compatible. And if I felt the way that you feel about it, then either I would have had to have changed or she would have had to have changed, right? Right.

But this specific issue with the peanut butter spoons is very, very real in my family with my children because I was just telling somebody the other day, we go through two full-size large peanut butters a week in my home. Wow. My kids eat so much peanut butter. It is, and I do too, and so does Jesse.

On the spoon? We put it on a lot of things. You know, I don't talk about how much I love peanut butter a lot of times because, you know, it's kinda your thing from a brand standpoint. Can only be my thing. But I probably eat more than you do. Well, you eat more of everything than I do.

I probably eat more peanut butter. Like I have a peanut butter spoon. You still do the peanut butter spoon in the chocolate milk every night? Not every night. I have peanut butter spoons all the time and my kids have them all the time and they take them and they eat them

and they don't get it completely clean and they throw it in the sink. Well that's why you go through so much peanut butter because they don't lick the spoon clean. I'm not arguing with you, I lick it clean. I don't, I lick it clean. And they throw it in the sink? In the sink and sometimes I'll go in

and there'll be like seven, and we've only got four people in our home. And then it'll have a little water on it from where the water has gotten down into the spoon. I can't stand it. And it lightens the color of the peanut butter, but it doesn't do anything to it, so you sit there and when you wash it,

you've gotta use your thumb to get it out. Well, Shannon. That's wrong. That is so inconsiderate. Make them use their own thumb. I think you gotta wash it. You gotta, they gotta wash their own. I think you got two choices.

Gotta rub their nose in it. I think you got two choices, Shannon. You rub your kid's nose in it? Tell me what you've done before you tell her what to do. Well. Because if you can't fix your problem. I'm gonna give you two options. Option one is don't fix the problem.

Fix, let it not be a problem. Well, someone has to clean the spoons. You're saying don't complain about it. When you have to hand clean. Yeah you just take care of it and you just do it. But option two is you take those spoons and you find a place. In their bed.

That's his, a place that, I wouldn't go bed. And just a place that's his. Like Godfather horse. Like maybe the passenger seat of his car, you just take a plate, and you put all the peanut butter spoons on the plate, and you just set it in his car on the passenger seat. Passive aggression.

Yeah, and just say, all right, you can take care of these. This is what you wanna do, you can take care of these. I mean, all right. No, I don't, I mean, there's gotta be a way to not be so passive aggressive, but I think. What, you just talk about it? That's no fun. No, I think he does have to wash his own spoons.

Like if you, you know, a kid doesn't wipe their own butt until you stop wiping it. Well, no, there was a few months there when nobody was wiping Shepard's butt. Yeah, and sometimes there's a gap. What do you mean a gap? What are you talking about? I'm saying sometimes there's a gap

between when you stop and they start. Oh. There's a couple of months, maybe a couple of weeks where there's just poop on the butt. So I mean. Poop in the gap. I'm just saying what you said sounded like a great point, but I'm just saying there's exceptions and I'm familiar with one.

What are we gonna do with this one? You know what I mean? I think we should pick the best question to end on. Okay. It's a little weird, so let's end with that one. Joseph Allen. First off, long time listener, first time caller. Oh, thank you for calling.

What's your question, Joseph? Second, my friends moved in with me and it has really put a cramp. Friends? Plural? My friends moved in with me and it has really put a cramp. Friends? Plural? My friends moved in with me. Okay. It sounds like there's multiples.

And it has really put a cramp in my wife and I's romantic styles, if you catch my drift. What do we do? So he's married to a wife and they have romantic styles, but now he's got friends living there. All right, this is trouble. This is very, very troublesome. And you wanna have your romantic stylings.

Liaisons, you might call them. Well, I've got three friends who live in my house, my children, and I still find a way to have romantic stylings and they have little to no clue about what's going on. Yeah. But you know, they each have, I have my own bedroom. Yep.

Maybe they share a wall. You don't share a wall, You're on a totally different floor. That's right. With your kids. That's right. I'm across the hall, so I don't share a wall. But for adult. But what if they share a wall? Let's just assume they share a wall. But for adult friends, I mean,

you shouldn't have to tiptoe around in your own house to do naturally human partnership activities. Well, some people. Team building exercises, you know what I'm saying? Some people. Well, I think he's, I mean, when he said romantic stylings, I mean. Romantic stylings, partnership. He actually said

romantic styles. So maybe he's got different styles. I know a couple. But so anyway, I think, let's just assume that there is, maybe we're just talking, maybe this is a small apartment, maybe the walls are thin, maybe one or both of them are uncomfortable knowing that someone's in the next room. I don't know, let's just assume that's the situation

that we're in right now. Then, because the easy answer is what you suggested, which is what I do, which is like, I don't worry about it. You know, turn the music up and put the kids to bed, whatever it takes. But let's assume that's not an option. You gotta have a system. Well, and I think it's on your, you know,

this is not like accommodating your guests. I think this is a scenario where they have to accommodate your styles. The permanent guests have to be sympathetic to, hey, they're on your turf, and you know, they're in your territory, and you know, you can't apologize for marking your territory. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah, and I say you gotta have a way to communicate very clearly. Now first of all, you could just say like, tonight's the night, but it doesn't always happen like that. Tonight's the night! I just think we gotta have a system of flags or something. You know, like red flags on the door. You know?

Like a torch burning out front. Don't even come in the house. Yeah, I think it's a two flag, well it's a three flag system. You got a flag that's on the outside of the door, outside. It's in the hallway of the apartment building or on the front porch or whatever, and that's the, styles are happening right now,

do not enter, because we could be in any room. You know, that's one system. This is where, on the porch? This is outside. I think that's a torch, but go ahead You know, that's one system. This is where, on the porch? This is outside. I think that's a torch, but go ahead. Okay, it's a torch. Flags are for night purposes. It's a glow-in-the-dark flag.

Perfect. We can do that. Perfect. And then you've got a flag system on the door of your bedroom. Of the bedroom. The room where the Stiles happened. And that's just a, the flag is waving and that person just needs to know, I need, because if you're not comfortable

with the person in the next room, because it sounds like that's the situation. Well then I hope you had a really good reason to let them stay at your house. I mean, I'm just gonna say that. Oh, you should just kick them out? I'm saying, if you knew this was gonna be, I just hope that you have a,

if this is permanent, first of all, if this is permanent, you gotta figure this out quick. Where's the third flag? You said there was a third flag. Yeah, there's two flags on the bedroom door depending on what you're doing. Oh, okay. You're talking about how many flags you need to purchase,

not how many locations there are for flags. Yeah. Or really like how long this is going to be. We got like a, we got like a, we got like the seven minute flag, like we'll be out there and watch TV with y'all in a second. That's one flag. So they know I don't have to leave the house.

I could just go on a walk, take a smoke break, and I'll be back and everything will be cool. And then you got another flag which is like, I need to go to Applebee's. You know what I'm saying? Dinner and a movie situation, I gotta leave for an extended period of time. I won't move, baby, baby, baby. You never know what kind of saying? Dinner and a movie situation, I gotta leave for an extended period of time. I want my baby back, baby back.

You never know what kind of night it's gonna be. It might be a seven minute night or it might be like a 13 minute night. You know, somewhere between seven and 13 minutes. I mean, if this is feeling awkward for you, then that's your problem because this is feeling awkward for you, then that's your problem because this is. It's natural. This is human.

This is how we all got here. Via flags. The flags. We should sell that kit. Oh man, we could the markup on that would be incredible. Three flags, one of them's glow in the dark, we could probably make that, get that made overseas. You think there's that much of a demand for-

Less than a dollar for the total kit. A close quarter roommate situation? I don't know, but if we sell it, I mean it's worth so much to people, we sell it for $75. You just put the right picture on it, sell it for $75. We used to sell a hundred of them, we're doing great. Have we helped you? Have we, have we?

I think we have. Boy, have we made things awkward? Have we made things worse? I don't know. But you can let us know, hashtag Ear Biscuits. And we've got, you know, there's questions that we didn't get to. So we'll try to get to these romantic. Depending on what you thought about how we did,

we may answer more questions. If the flag system really just, that turns you off completely, then we'll never talk about this again. I'm still thinking about it though. I just feel for those people that that's the situation they're in. I feel for a lot of people. I feel like in closing, I just feel very fortunate

that as young as we were that we found the soulmates, I do believe that I have a soulmate, and you know what, she is my soulmate. And then for us, we were in this system where we had kids young and now we're at this place where it's weird to have had kids as young as we have but we still have so much of, we've still been able to pursue our careers mostly pinpointed to the sacrifice that Christy and Jesse

made to allow that so that we can have our cake and eat it too, to have families, career, and a loving, committed relationship with our wives that I know that to make it this far is when you say luck, I think what you mean by that is that it's not because we're awesome people and because we had all this amazing foresight and made these informed decisions with like some sort of magical knowledge

of our compatibility in the future. We can't take credit for it. So I just feel extremely grateful that we're in this position that a lot of people don't find themselves in and they're left dealing with that or trying to figure it out. So I don't know if that puts an encouraging spin. You know, I would like to find a way to give hope

to those people who are listening, who they just don't have that love in their life that they're wanting. But I don't know what to say beyond, I hope you find it. You know, I'm sorry, I don't have a magical thing to say, but our hearts go out to you. And we don't take credit for where we are.

I'll leave it at that. I agree with all that. And the only thing I have to add is, Pua. We'll speak at you next week. And we love you.