Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 138: The Birds And The Bees - Parenting 101 (Fan Questions)| Ear Biscuits Ep. 138

Episode Date: April 9, 2018

It's okay to lie to your children. Because it's fun. From weird fibs they tell their kids to "the talk," R&L give parenting advice on this week's Ear Biscuits. Listen to Ear Biscuits at:  Apple Podcasts: applepodcasts.com/earbiscuits Spotify: spoti.fi/2oIaAwp Art19: art19.com/shows/ear-biscuits SoundCloud: @earbiscuits Follow This Is Mythical: Facebook: facebook.com/ThisIsMythical Instagram: instagram.com/Mythical Twitter: twitter.com/Mythical Other Mythical Channels: Good Mythical Morning: www.youtube.com/user/rhettandlink2 Good Mythical MORE: youtube.com/user/rhettandlink3 Rhett & Link: youtube.com/rhettandlink Credits: Hosted By: Rhett & Link Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Jacob Moncrief Technical Director & Editor: Kiko Suura Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're going to be answering your questions about parenting because- Or just parents, kids, the relationships go in both ways. It could be things that apply to kids,

things that apply to parents, because we've been both kids and parents. And we still are, Rhett, news flash. And again, as we have gotten in the habit of saying when we answer your questions, we're not qualified to give advice. Take our advice at your own risk. We have engineering degrees which taught us nothing

about child psychology. What about the school of hard knocks, man? We haven't even been through that, let's be real. Exactly, we just have children who are relatively well adjusted. I mean, I wouldn't say particularly well adjusted, I would say relatively well adjusted. They're well loved.

They're very loved and I would think that this moment, everything's okay. You know, I could go home tonight and find out that they've broken a law. We are potentially temporary success stories as parents. So. All that to say, just take our advice with a grain of salt. If you're coming to us to actually learn

how to be a parent, you've got bigger problems. I don't think anybody's coming to us that way. I don't think you should go to anybody for complete answers. I'm gonna step out on that limb. I think every, and that's one of the things I try to teach my kids is that like, don't just be a blind follower of any one person. You know, it's like you gotta.

That's a cult. You know, you can't do that, definitely don't do that with us, even though we're two people. We're two people, so it's okay. You can blindly follow us. You wanna just. Yeah, yeah, so let's get into some questions.

Let's jump right into the first one. I ate a cookie. My stomach hurts a little bit. Well, you know. I may be running out in the middle of this. The funny thing is, is you told me that we had some cookies. Somebody gifted us some cookies. Yeah.

And I saw you eating the cookie, and I was like, I gotta get one of them cookies. That's the only way I'm gonna be able to get through this podcast. And then you started. I don't recall you saying that. That's what I was thinking. And then. What you said was, where'd you get that cookie? Yeah, subtext, man.

And then you said, I feel a little sick because of that cookie. And I'm like, well, I guess I'm not gonna get a cookie. So here I am, cookie-less. Just a man with a jar of water. This is how you expect me to make it through this? You have a cookie. Well, it's not my role to sustain you.

Yeah, here I am cookie-ful. And I'm kind of miserable. I'm kind of miserable. I'm just hungry. You should be grateful. Kevin Herbern. Hey fellas, when my wife was pregnant with our first, we made a bet on the gender.

Whoever won got 10 I'm not changing that diapers. 10 vetoes. I guessed boy and won. During the entirety of my. No, no, no, I don't think you read that. Whoever won got 10 I'm not changing that diaper vetoes, not diapers. You get 10 instances of not changing a diaper

even though it's wet. I understood that that's what he meant and that's exactly what I read. I read what he wrote. You said diapers. Yeah, because he said whomever, one. Okay, let's not argue about it. I'm not changing that, diapers. We're supposed to resolve issues, not create them.

Well, I'm not creating the issue, 10 vetoes. It wasn't, what you said didn't make sense. Blame Kevin, because that's how he wrote it. I guess boy and one, during the entirety of my son's time in diapers, I only used one veto. Now we have a second son, didn't bet this time. I feel I have nine vetoes left. She says they expired when our first born

was potty trained. Who's right? She's right, Kevin. You know why? Mm-hmm. Because. Because she's always right. Yeah, that's true.

But secondarily, why didn't you use your vetoes when you had the chance? I mean, and here's the answer, because it was the first child and you were trying to gain some brownie points and I guarantee you that you've held this over your wife's head. You know, I haven't used all my Vitos.

They were very brown brownie points. I've changed, every time that the occasion has come along for me to change a diaper, I've done it. I'm just calling you out, Kevin. I think that you've gotten all the mileage out of not using the Vitos in terms of brownie points. So you've used them in a different way by not using them. I'm in agreement with Link for a different reason

and that is the bet was about the first child. The bet expired when you had another one. I'm kinda angry at you for not just using the vetoes. I'm just reading into it that, again, you were trying to gain credit. Just reap the reward or don't. You didn't. You can learn to love changing diapers.

Make a game of it. Boy. I don't know what the rules are and how you get points but. I don't remember the last diaper I changed but I should have bronzed the thing, you know? It's like third child, I mean how many diapers did I go through, more than you?

Unless your two kids pooped at a rate that led to more diapers. Wouldn't you like to know that? Sometimes, do you ever? Like a counter. I think about life in that way sometimes. Like an interesting Reddit thread is that data is beautiful.

I haven't seen that one. And it's one of the ones I sub to. Because I don't like numbers. It's one of the ones I subbed to. Because I don't like numbers. It's one of the ones I subbed to. And basically it's people who take different, anything in life that can be dataized, which is basically anything, and could be represented as a data set,

and then they present it in a beautiful way, like a way, because it can be very beautiful in the way that you present it. Like a chart? But a really beautiful chart. Okay. And sometimes it's just amazing data that's not beautiful but it is beautiful, not visually.

You know what I'm saying. Anyway, but I wish sometimes, if I could have a superpower besides flying or being invisible or teleporting, the fourth one would be to be able to create a data set of anything that anybody brought up. Because wouldn't that be interesting? It'd be like. Like in this instance you would say,

well Link, with three kids you've changed this many diapers. No but I would want to know specifically like how many craps Lando took versus how many craps Shepherd took. And it would be like mind blowing because it would be like hold up, Shepherd took twice as many craps as Lando. What does that mean?

Is he still taking more craps? And then we'd be able to snap our fingers and like, what's the average amount of crap that comes out of your youngest son versus my youngest son and then we could talk about it. There weren't apps. Crap apps. But I bet there's a crap app now,

I mean, to log your BAMs. But I don't wanna have to log it, I wanna be able to access it as a superpower. Well you can probably get averages, but that's as close as we're gonna get. I think we answered. What was my point? Well I don't know, but we answered Kevin's question. He's wrong, she's right, get with the program, Kevin.

I wish I would've bronzed the last diaper because that was one of the big milestones in parenting is when you no longer have to buy, change, or dispose of diapers. But you know what? As with many things in life, the most important moments are glossed over and you don't even know they've happened.

That's sad, man. Yeah, I don't remember it either. Gosh. And I did change, not as many or nearly as many as my wife did, but I do not remember the last one. And let me tell you, I would've used those vetoes in the first week. Michelle Scott Max asks,

is it okay to use the steering wheel volume controls in order to drown out the ramblings of a six-year-old girl and tell her, it isn't me, the car just really likes this song? Okay, so she doesn't see her mom, yeah, reaching over and turning the volume up. I can't hear you. And then read this next question

because I think it's very related. I think that we can answer these two questions together. Okay. Read this question from Deirdre. Oh, you want me to read it? Yeah, I don't wanna read the whole time. Look at me over here reading everything. I'm so sorry, cookie list man.

I don't get cookies, I gotta read everything. I'll go get you a cookie. It's tough around here. And I'll read this question while doing it. Oh. I don't get cookies, I gotta read everything. I'll go get you a cookie. It's tough around here. And I'll read this question while doing it. Oh. No one will hear it. I'll be in there getting a cookie, so choose. Just read the question.

I got you. Why do parents lie about weird things? Like if you're driving at night and you turn on the lights in the vehicle, you can get arrested. Or swallowing gum will make your stomach clog up and you will die. Or sleeping with wet hair will make you sick.

Or cracking your knuckles leads to arthritis. This is an interesting, I feel like these are, I feel like the questions that Deirdre, or the lies that Deirdre has pointed out, these are just misconceptions. Misconceptions or misleading old wives tales, but I think that this first question from Michelle, this, it isn't me, the car just really likes this song, this is a category.

That's just a lie, that is a lie. This is basically what my entire parenting philosophy has been built on for years, is lying to my children. You know this, I've talked about it many times. Okay, it's not really my philosophy, but I love screwing around with my kids. I love basically making them think things. But, fibbing to get a reaction.

Yeah. But you do tell them. Yeah, well, almost always, there's a few rare exceptions where I've let something slide for a long time because it was funny, but it's always inconsequential. And if I ever think that it could be consequential, then I clear it up on the spot. The most recent example of this was we were riding along.

Did you notice there on the main road that kind of connects our homes that they were doing the fumigation of that apartment building? Yes. And so they had covered up the whole building with the striped stuff. We were pulled up and it was in the distance.

We didn't drive past it. And Lincoln was like, look, it's the circus. Well, you're kind of stepping all over my lie, but that's exactly, so we went, well, it's funny, because your kid told himself a lie and believed it. Well he just saw it, it looked like a big top. Yeah, well so we drove by it and I told Shepard,

I said Shepard, did you hear there's a new circus building, there's a new circus building in town and that's it. And like he looked, his eyes lit up for a second and then he looked at it and he was like, dad, I'm not stupid. But he did look at it, it was there. But see, I wanted my kid to think that a fumigated house or fumigated apartment complex was the circus coming to town.

And when Lincoln said, look, it's a circus, I was just like, no, that's a. So it was a complete opposite conversation. Yeah. Lincoln deceived himself and you cleared it up, I deceived my own son and then he cleared it up himself. But. Teach a man to fish or give him a fish, I think is the situation we're in here.

I did this to Locke all the time and Shepherd had the advantage of observing me say all this stuff. From a younger age. And so now they're just like, mom, is that true? If Jessie's there, it's mom, is that true? Doesn't matter what I say now. Mom, is that true? See what you've done?'s mom, is that true? It doesn't matter what I say now. Mom, is that true?

It's worth it, man. It's worth it. All the memories they're gonna have of all the lies that I've told them. I mean, I do that sometimes too. I do get a kick out of it, but I don't have the cutthroat instinct that you have to pull one over on my kids. But I will say that I also spend quite a bit of time

just telling them things that are true. Like if we like, I mix in some things that are not true. Yeah, just really confuse them. But like if we're going on a hike or whatever, we like talk about the rocks and the history of the Earth and all this stuff, I love doing that kind of thing, but I think a lot of times it can become a little bit like Dad's the school teacher and we're on a field trip

and so I try to keep that to a minimum. Yeah. So Michelle, I think it's totally okay. And Deirdre, the reason we lie about weird things is because it's fun and you gotta do something to survive this parenting thing. By the way, I would've loved to have seen a time lapse of them wrap that apartment, this is not a house.

This thing is like five stories tall. It's like a whole apartment complex coated in a circus tent for fumigation. I also love the fact that they made it. It's amazingly huge. They made it look so fun with all the colors and there's these insects just dying inside. Well yeah, they made that choice.

I wonder why they made that choice. I think it- Because it's fun to kill insects. Well I think they're repurposing circus tents. I mean- You think they've got a lot of circus tent material and the circus isn't popular anymore? Well I think it-

I doubt that. Well then what's the reason? I think it's because somebody was like, at one point somebody was like, we gotta wrap this whole house, we're doing kind of a, I mean, if you really think about it, it's a little bit morbid, like if a person's in there, they're definitely dying, and if an insect's in there,

they're definitely dying. Let's spruce it up a little bit, let's make it seem fun. I mean, people do that all the time. People do that all the time. It's putting icing on it. We're talking about it right now. You wanna wrap your house up and you probably don't even have a bug problem.

But you're saying that Michelle is just, it's not a big deal that she does that. I mean, basically, I just feel for her. I don't think it's the best thing to do, but parenting lots of times is just desperation and survival. Yeah, exactly. You know, you do what you gotta do. Yeah, I'm a huge proponent of truth,

but I also like to tell a little fib here and there. Okay. Turning on the lights in the vehicle, I never told my kids that could get you arrested, but I do tell them to turn it off because it can lead to a crash. Right, it's not smart. So I give them the real reason whenever possible,

so I don't make up the wives' tales. Now we've got a lot more questions to go, but we are going to take a short break and let you know. Ear Biscuits is supported by Audible. You know Audible, the leading provider of premium digital spoken audio information and entertainment on the internet. Audible content includes an unmatched selection

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Yeah, you know, Audible has, I'm not making this up, I think it's transformed the way that I take in information. Because yeah, I do love podcasts, but a lot of the podcasts I listen to are just people kind of being funny or shooting the breeze. But when you wanna have somebody who- Well planned out. Has like, they've crafted something.

Whether that's a story, if it's narrative. Not that we don't craft this podcast, of course, but. Yeah, but it's off the cuff. The things I'm usually interested in are these big nonfiction books. I've talked about Homo Deus before, the sequel to Homo Sapiens, and how I absolutely love that book

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and have it sitting on my bedside, what I end up doing is I pick it up and I read a couple of pages and then I fall asleep. But with Audible, when I've got an Audible book, what I do is I go to the gym, I'm reading it by listening to it. I'm listening to it on the way. I'm listening to go to the gym, I'm reading it by listening to it. I'm listening to it on the way. I'm listening to it on the way to work

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All right, we're back with another question from Caitlin Cunningham. Kids do tons of art projects during their time in school. What do you do with all of them? How many of them end up in the trash? This is my rule. If it's flat, keep it. If it's 3D, chuck it.

Space saver. I stack a bunch of flatness, but I take a picture of the 3D stuff. Which you make the 3D stuff flat. Interesting. Without crushing it. And not crushing the hearts of your children. Because it goes into the cloud,

which we've talked about in a rabbit hole episode. But do you take a video of it that goes a 360 around it? Because if you did that, you could one day re-engineer it. Lando is very, no. Lando is very artistically inclined. You know, every time there's trash, like cardboard specifically, he wants to keep all of that and he always sees something in it and he's making something.

So I always wanna encourage that. But I'm very clear with him that after you make it, 48 hours later, it's gone. And I also think that's helpful because it's not like oh this has gotta be perfect or this has gotta be here forever. It's just like you know I'm painting on this canvas. Many of the greats would paint over their own thing

three or four times. Many of the greats. You know, because there's always another one. And they didn't even take pictures of it. If you're an artistic genius, people are gonna be going through recycling decades from now and finding Lando's creations. I don't think that's how recycling works

but if it's flat, I stack it somewhere. That's a good system. We McLaughlins, we don't have a lot of systems. So it's kinda like some things are kept, some things are thrown away. There's a couple of times where Jesse and I will kinda look at each other and you kinda give each other a guilty look

and you just throw it in the trash. There's no real consistency. You're just hoping that the kid doesn't know. Right. But I will say, and also Shepard. Put it in the trash and then seal it up. And my kids are not, they're not prone to be attached to things like that.

Every once in a while Shepard, Locke wasn't like this at all but Shepard will create something and he's kind of attached to it but I don't deal with that very much. When you're constantly lied to, you tend to be a free spirit. Exactly. Now the thing that,

the really interesting thing that happened very recently is a science project. I don't know how Locke. That's happened in your house? I don't know how Locke got through without having to do, well I guess it was because he was homeschooled through all this.

That's probably what happened. And I think they did do a science project at some point. Somehow I wasn't involved. Being a homeschooler is in and of itself a science project. A science project. Yeah, the results are still out. What is the TBD? Now, so Shepard's in third grade

and they had the option of doing a science project and for some reason. Or what? You didn't, I don't know, it was optional. I think it was if you did the science project, you didn't have to do homework for the month or something like that. Oh, you better jump on that, Shep. But Shepard exercised his option to do a science project.

Good on him. But it was a group project with two other kids. And so he's like, dad, I'm doing a science project. I'm like, well, what is it? He says, tornadoes. Tornadoes. So it's like, what is the experiment? He said, making tornadoes.

Can he do it? And so, you know. Hypothesis, I can make a tornado, exhibit. So one of the other kids' dads kind of helped them. We all kind of had different roles. And I'll tell you what my role was in a second and where I failed as a father. But one of the dads was in charge of

coming up with what the experiments were going to be. And it basically was one of these things, you know when you take like a bottle, like a plastic bottle. Two liter bottle. For some reason we did one liter bottles, but you can do it with two liters and you basically affix them together and put like a little washer

in the middle and then you fill it with liquids and you kind of start a tornado and then it creates this amazing looking tornado that then empties itself into the other thing and you turn it over and keep doing it. Well the experiment was, the question that was being explored was, does adding different things to the water change the characteristics of a tornado? Okay.

So they added glitter. Some other dad came up with that. Yeah, he did the hard part. They added glitter to the water, they added oil to the water, and they added sugar to the water, basically created a simple syrup by boiling the sugar into the water, and then of added sugar to the water. Basically created a simple syrup by boiling the sugar

into the water and then of course there was regular water. Now for some reason this dad made it through three of the bottles. He created three of the bottles and then Jessie comes home and she says, when we get back, actually the night we got back from Palm Springs, she says, when we get back from Palm Springs, you've got to do the experiments with Shepherd.

So you've got to time him doing all the, you've gotta do the experiment and log the results. So I created a Google spreadsheet that averaged out six rounds or whatever, but I also had to make the fourth bottle following the instructions that the dad had provided. And Jesse was making the simple syrup by boiling the water with the sugar.

Basically what happened was is trying to make, the first time we made this bottle, tornado machine, I didn't get it quite together. It's a machine now. Didn't get it quite together and the very first time that Shepherd begins to do the thing to get the tornado going, the whole thing comes apart and sugar water goes all over the kitchen.

Okay, that's called a failed experiment. So and I did not do well with that. I did not respond well and the next thing that happened was we got it back together and then as we're getting ready to seal it, Shepard's like playing around with another one, knocks it over and then sugar water goes all over the ground again. Oh gosh. And I'm not proud of goes all over the ground again. Oh, gosh.

And I'm not proud of how I yelled at that moment. Oh. We finally get the- Was it like Eureka? Yeah, it was a moment, yeah, exactly. And so then we finally get it together, but the sugar water is so hot that for some reason, it's like it's not cooling down, and so I'm like, we're gonna have to put it in here

and wait till the morning, and then we'll do the experiments in the morning. But because I put hot sugar water in there and when it cooled, we wake up and like the top bottle is like compressed in like. Oh wow. So no tornadoes could be made. And so I was like, we gotta do this again

and Jessie was like, let's just say the results of the sugar water were inconclusive. It's third grade, right? So I've got great stats for the first three bottles. Again with the line. The McLaughlin family is. No, well actually we. Let's just fudge the results here.

No, we conferred with the other dad and I was like, I feel like we need to do this again. He was like, ah, don't worry about it. We've got three, they're still an experiment. They've learned, whatever, who cares? They've learned. Learned not to get certain dads involved in the tornado experiment.

But I just wish I had more patience. I just, when I get involved in those situations and I have to start contributing to it in a meaningful way, I just, and then things start falling apart, I just, I'm not good at just patiently just getting my way through that. It's really tough to work on something that's not something that you're personally passionate about.

I'm personally passionate about water tornadoes. No, I know. I mean, once they get going. I feel like I'm that way too. I mean, it's like, we're so spoiled. I think it, because so much of what we do is our creative vision. And to step into our kids' world

and to parent them is a selfless act. And I mean, when you don't experience having a boss-employer relationship that often, and we really don't. I think that ironically, between us and our kids, we're the spoiled ones, especially in that sense. And I think it's harder to, you know, we've trained ourselves to be so engaged

in what it is we wanna do that I feel like as a parent, I'm constantly fighting this instinct of being spoiled with my own prerogatives. Well I spend the majority of my, and Christy and I talk about this because you know she spends a lot of time with our kids and a lot more than I do. And I feel for her.

You know it's like, it's so tough being a great parent because I'm having a tough time just being an average one. But so the way that I deal with that is at least with honesty. Like I try to be honest, you know, I try to apologize or just be real with the kids. I'm not answering the question anymore.

And side note, before we move on to another question, do I have a zit bandaid on my face? Oh yeah, you do, but I'm sure they can't see it. Cause I meant to take that off. No, don't take it off. No, no, no, now you're committed. Just leave it on, man. You see it right there?

Yeah, but there's no way you can see that in the dim lighting, man. You shouldn't even have mentioned it. I know, but there was a moment, maybe you saw it, when I had the Link face in the middle of your talking about the tornado. You were just thinking about your own zit. I realized that I had a zit,

because Ana put a, I have a zit there, and she put a thing on. Oh, I love those things. She introduced those to me. And it's like the zit heals up underneath it. I've worn them to many different, I've worn them to public events. Really?

Like, yeah. Because you forgot that they're there. No, she puts it on, and I'm like, I gotta worn them to public events. Really? Like, yeah. Because you forgot that they're there. No, she puts it on and I'm like, I gotta go do this thing, nothing like special, nothing like public appearances. Okay. Tiffany McGowan's got a question. Fire away, Tiffany.

So I'm 26 and while I love children, I firmly know that I don't want to be a parent. Pretty much everyone in my life thinks I'm just young and I'll change my mind when I meet the right guy. My question is, did you always know you wanted to be parents or did meeting your wives actually change your minds? Also, how can I get everyone to back off on the whole having kids business?

Everybody, you know, everybody doesn't need to have kids. Everybody shouldn't have kids. That's, first of all, that's a easy thing. We talked about this a little bit. It's total prerogative. We talked about this a little bit in a previous podcast where, so you can go, I don't know which episode it was, but we had friends who were asking us,

so if you wanna hear our perspective on that, you can go listen. But I do think that the, this is an interesting question because based on where we grew up in kind of the culture that we were in specifically, I think that it never, ever crossed our minds that we would not be fathers.

It was just, if you weren't a father, there was something wrong with you. You know, you were supposed to do two things. You were supposed to get married. I would say three. You're supposed to get a job. When you graduate from college, because you know, we started to think about this stuff

when we were in college. Right. You get a job. Yeah, you get a job right after you graduate. You get a life partner. And you get married. You do a life partner, you get married. You do that as quickly as possible, basically. Yeah.

And then relatively quickly, maybe a few years, maybe a few years of kidlessness, but then you gotta start having children. And again, neither of us have any regrets. Because what else are you gonna do? Right, we don't have any regrets. Because what else are you gonna do? Right, we don't have any regrets about that. But I think that having almost 20 years passing since we got married, kind of looking back on it,

you're like, oh, it was just, that was the cultural expectation of where we were, who we were at the time. And I- Yeah, the negotiation wasn't if we're gonna have kids, it was the conversations were when exactly. You know, we were three years into marriage when we started trying. Right.

That seems really early to me. But you change so much over 18 years of marriage anyway, it's like, I mean that does introduce the next phase. Yeah. If you don't have kids and then you get married, well then that certainly introducing kids at that point really changes the dynamic for everybody, along with many other things that happen in life.

But for us, because it's a, I mean it seems like such a huge decision. It really, well it is. Because it changes your entire life. The decision became easier for us because we were friends with other families who had kids. Like we would, Christy would babysit,

in our first few years of marriage, she would babysit for other people's kids. Like they would hang out with us a little bit. So you start to see, okay, these little people here, sometimes babies, sometimes grade school kids. We started to see like the, okay look at these families, they're making it, we're getting to know these families,

they're good friends of ours. They have not just babies but kids in grade school, middle school even. It's like wow, this is something that it's really working for them and you see it up close and personal and you start. But you never, I never processed it that way. I think we did.

I do remember Christian and I talking about it. As if the other option was not having children? No, it was just growing comfortable with starting to try to have kids ourselves. Because even though it was a foregone conclusion we were gonna do it, it was still a very daunting decision to say okay, we're actually going through with this. You're actually gonna try to make a baby.

And so that, I do remember that making us feel much more comfortable in like being up close and personal with like parents and kids that loved each other and that it was working. I mean, cause I came from a broken home, you know, it was a scary thing for me because I, you know, I always felt like I didn't do it right. I subconsciously, I was just, you know, it was just,

I had a stepdad and then at third grade, it was just me and my mom from there on out and it was like, well, we didn't do it right. It was okay, it was great even. My childhood was great but I didn't want to, I mean it had its challenges because of that. You had more trepidation. Yeah, because I didn't know if there was something about,

like say something in my genes that I was gonna repeat that cycle. Something in your jeans is what causes the whole problem. J-E-A-N-S. Okay. It's funny, I think the way that I've always approached these kinds of things is like, you know, there are a lot of people who are fearful about things

like I'm afraid to drive a car, like if you might be about to get your license, or I'm afraid to fly on a plane because I've never done that before, or I'm afraid to have a child. And I think the way I've always processed those things is like, well, I'm afraid to like climb a mountain, right? Because that's something that a very small percentage

of the population does. I'm afraid to- Swim with a shark. Give somebody a trach on the spot because there's very few people who can do that, right? Yeah. But there's millions of people who've been parents. There's millions, billions of people who've been parents.

So I kinda go into those situations that everyone, I'm just like- Statistically? It can't be, I mean, I'm not ready for this, but who is, let's just do it. I think that's how I've approached, and I think I approached kids that way. And honestly, I kinda think that that was my experience once we had kids, it was like,

this is really difficult and hard, but this is exactly what everyone said it was going to be. Everyone was like, it's the greatest thing and the most difficult thing you'll ever go through, and it's like, okay, and you know what? Turns out that's true. But I think to answer Tiffany's question of, you know, is it okay, I mean, so we answered your question of did you not know,

we never considered it. But I think that it's totally okay, especially if you're like, I know I don't wanna be a parent. Well, this is not the kind of thing you should be talked into or forced into or pressured into, trust me. And then how do you get everyone to back off

on the whole having kids business? I don't know the dynamic of where you're at, but it sounds like everyone is expecting you to do it. So you might just have to firmly just tell people, stop talking about that. Quit asking me about that. I'll let you know. I'll tell you when I'm pregnant.

Probably never. I think a lot of people, like the parents, grandparents situation, they're like, oh, I want a grandkid, I want a great grandkid. They think that it's an innocuous ribbing. But I think if you just have a moment of, hey, I just wanna let you know for a second

that it does start to hurt. And I know you don't mean it. Maybe if you level with them that would help. Good luck with that. Samantha asks. Me and most of our answers with good luck with that. Like all great. We're gonna move on.

Like all great advice givers. What are you gonna do? Good luck with that. Dear Abby had a lot of success with ending all her responses like that. Samantha D asks, why do different siblings get different treatment? As the oldest, I felt as though my parents were very strict

but were way more laid back with my other younger siblings. Was I just the guinea pig of three children? Yes. Yes. Definitely. I mean, I'm an only child. You're the youngest of two. Two. So I don't have too much to go on

from my childhood experience, but as a parent, yeah, your will to impose your will on another person, it just degrades over time. I mean it's like I can't imagine being a king. You know, it's like, it's just tough to try to get people to do what you want them to do. I mean, that's not, and that's the trap of parenting, right? It's like, when you go on autopilot, it's just,

I don't wanna hear you talking now, so I'm gonna turn up the volume. You know, because you're surviving. Right? But shifting to I'm trying to foster a growing, budding human being to be an independent, positive force on planet Earth that is not under my control,

much less is not there for my happiness and my comfort. Well, I think this is just, this is human nature, it's true and I would say it's true in almost every family and it just makes sense, right? So if I'm moving fragile sculptures into a home, I'm gonna be more careful with the first one because I don't know, I just don't know the dynamics of the situation, right?

It's like the first time you do something, there's all these considerations, you're learning all these lessons and you're being overprotective and then the second sculpture you bring in, it isn't like I actually transport fragile sculptures into my home all the time. It's a good analogy.

I don't even have a fragile sculpture in my home but you can imagine that. The second thing you do, you take a few more risks. In fact, well you grow comfortable with a level of risk that's reasonable. I think if you follow that analogy. And I think you also. I'm gonna hold this with two hands,

but I'm not gonna put it in a satchel inside of my T-shirt. And then maybe on the fourth trip, you've got three sculptures. You've got one in each hand and one, four, one in each arm, you know what I'm saying? Like you're like, this is good. And you know what, if one of these breaks, I've already got two in the house.

But that's what I was gonna, no that's not true. But subconsciously that is true though. I don't think you love the third. You don't value them any less. The third sculpture is not any less valuable to you but there's a certain reasonable amount of effort that you don't, an unreasonable amount of effort that's not worth expending based on experience.

Yeah. It's just not, you learn what's worth it and what's not worth it. I wonder if it ever goes the opposite direction. I mean certainly if a tragedy befalls a family, I mean that goes without saying even though I just said it. But like in a normal situation of health and hashtag blessing, I don't think it ever goes the other way.

Where it's like you start. You get more strict? But if something, if you go through something, then you're gonna tighten the reins with a subsequent child. But in my case, here's what I tell, I mean, Lillian Lincoln gets so frustrated with Lando because he's still at an age where he can't express his frustration logically sometimes,

so it just comes out in like tattling or a form of tantrum. But it's also, it's not, he is a special personality compared to your other kids. Oh yeah. In the same way that Shepherd is very different from Lott. Oh yeah, they're all different. I don't think it's just an age thing. No, no, that's not what I was getting at.

What I was getting at was because he's the youngest, I find myself saying to Lillian Lincoln, yes, I think Lando is wrong here. Lando needs to have more self-control. The right thing to do in this instance is something different, but what he's doing is annoying the crap out of you and me. But there's only so much I can do.

Yes, he's in his room right now and he's screaming and throwing a tantrum. But what I'm asking for you is, even though you may have been more on the right, you're also older and you've got to do something to make peace. I make this argument all the time. You gotta, with more age comes more responsibility.

And just, let's just hold this together. Let's plug the gaps in this ship. It doesn't always work though. And that's frustrating. That's frustrating for a 13 year old or a 15 year old or a 39 year old, me. The thing that Locke points out specifically, he points this out all the time.

He says, dad, you would never have let me do that. You would never have let me watch that. You would have never let me be on screens that much. Or, you know. And it's true, right? Oh yeah, and so, but the funny thing is, is just the other day, this is actually, this is another story from our trip in Palm Springs.

Others thought you were gonna say another lie. We were sitting there, the three of us, Jessie was shopping and we were waiting to get into a restaurant, I had the little buzzy thing that was gonna ring and we were gonna go to this restaurant and we were sitting at this table together outside. Quality time. And.

With Dad. I gotta say, I was on my phone at the time checking something important, you know, probably related to either at RedMC on Twitter or at RedMC on Instagram, shout out to both. You know, just keeping up with the social media streams. And not fathering my children. And so my kids are talking to each other and.

You know, I just want you to let, if it defeats them to a fraction of the level that it defeats me every time you bring it up. I don't shout out my Twitter and my Instagram in front of my children, I just go on them. Passersby. I just ignore my children and go on social media from time to time.

Now, but what I was doing was not currently engaging in fatherhood and my kids were talking to each other and Shepherd was saying a series of things to Locke that were just, they get into these fights and they're both boys and they were completely joking with each other but Shepherd was saying things like, I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna bite your face off, I'm gonna put your head into a blender,

like a series of things and it was just like, I mean, you may think that's crazy but. I'm gonna torture and mutilate you in these very specific ways. And he said this. What's your retort? He said this series of things and I didn't hear any of them. And then Locke says, Shepard, I'm gonna kill you.

And I was like, Locke! Don't talk to your brother like that. And he was like, Dad, that was a test. We were testing you because I knew you wouldn't say anything when Shepard said all that and as soon as I said something, you would say, Locke, and you did it! I gotcha! And I was like, I'm sorry, man.

I was like, I guess it's just. Would you mind if I tweeted about it? And I told him, I said, I did not hear, I honestly, nothing that Shepard said could compute. Ever, I hear. It just went, I didn't hear it at all, I didn't process it, but when you said that, and so he was making the point that

you have a different standard from me, and I was like, you're right, I do, and that's wrong, and I will continue to work on that. But you could've said, well, at least I hear you. I don't hear the younger one. So they weren't even serious. But you know, but it's just, that's kind of related, it's just you do approach things differently

with the second child and I'm sure it screws them up a little bit, it screws up the older kid and it screws up the younger kid, but you know what, they just get older and they say things like, I'm a younger child, they just tell people that when they go on dates and everything's all right. That's my theory. Good luck with that.

Amber H asks, I have three boys who are similar in age to your kids 11, 14, and 15 and a half, okay? I constantly think about their future and how I will have to adjust to life without them at home as much as I worry about whether they are going to be ready to go off to college and do it on their own. My husband doesn't seem to give it a second thought and is just enjoying the time with them now.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy them now too, but differently than he does. How are the two of you coping with your kids growing up and how do you think it differs from the way it affects your wives? Well I think I just demonstrated it a second ago. I don't wanna generalize between. But you're about to.

Like moms and dads, but I mean from my experience, I will say that we definitely share your experience in our house that Christy, I mean she seems to have this like instinctual connection with the worst case scenario. Now that's part of her personality profile in general. So I don't think it's all about being a mom but she, because she has that gift to like see the worst future and therefore, and thereby avoid it to the benefit of our entire family.

Right. But it does, but maybe there's a mom component to it too that me is, it makes me feel, it would make me feel better if I knew that biologically there was a mom thing that as a dad, I just can't, I'm just not capable of worrying about it that much but I do find that to be true just in practice that like, you know, she's thinking,

you know, I have to decide to think about the future. Now, so I am curious for you because you're more of a, you're very future minded and I'm very like, not that. So between me and Christy, it's like she does question, like, I was like, don't question whether I love the kids just because I don't worry about them nearly as much as you do, because I believe that I do.

But how do you think that is for you? I mean, what's the dynamic with you and Jesse in this way? I mean this is a complex question and I'm not interested in digging any holes for us by saying the wrong thing. Because you do get in trouble when you start making generalizations about men and women and how they relate to kids.

And there are exceptions to everything. I do think that there are some very significant cultural components that contributed to the way that we see our role as fathers and our wives see their role as mothers. Yeah. That contributed to kind of the way that we've gone about our family business.

I also think there's probably some biological factors that are real and I think that I'm not an expert on that and I'm not trying to come to any conclusions about that. But what I will say is that in our two families, I think both our wives tend to be more anxious about things related to the kids. And so if you look at, especially, I don't think this is as common as it was,

say, five years ago, 10 years ago with our wives, but if you were to just look at my wife's bedside table and all the books that she's reading, nine out of 10, 10 years ago, nine out of 10 of those books would have been solely related to child rearing. Parenting. Parenting and solely related to child rearing. And parenting. Parenting and everything related to their kids. And I probably read half of one book about parenting.

Me too. And I think some of it can be related to, me and you probably have a tendency to just be like, we'll figure it out as we go. What is that book really gonna teach us or whatever? But at the same time, I was reading books about a lot of other things. So I think part of it was just pure selfishness

of just wanting to be into the things that I was into. And also- And a comfort level that she was taking care of it. And we would certainly talk about it. Because our primary job was to go and be entertainers. And our wife's primary job has been go and be entertainers. And our wives primary job has been to raise our kids. Which is not.

To teach the kids, because we were doing the homeschool thing for years. So it was literally, that was their occupation. Right. Up until a year and a half ago. Right. So, whenever I would say things like, well, you know what, we're doing the right things

and you're doing an amazing job. Don't worry, I'm trying to reassure her. It's like, what, yeah, but, and if there's something, an indication that something, they didn't make a right decision or they don't know something that maybe there's an indication they should have known or made another decision, it's something, an indication that something, they didn't make a right decision or they don't know something that maybe there's an indication they should have known or made another decision, it's like,

well, it was hard for Christine not to take that personally because it was, she was their teacher. She was their primary teacher. Yeah. You know, so it was an extremely challenging position to be in for them. Well, and I would say that, and even if there are significant biological factors

that contribute to this different perspective, that doesn't excuse our behavior the way that we did it. Because I mean, first of all, we have a tendency to want to eat very sugary, fatty things because many, many years ago when we didn't have processed foods, if you found something that had a lot of fat or had a lot of sugar, you had every incentive

to eat it based on survival. So just because something has a biological component doesn't mean that it should dictate your behavior. It can be something to overcome, which I think that, because one of the things, we talk about this with our wives quite a bit, it's like, they made some big sacrifices. They both got college degrees and then put the bulk

of their 20s and 30s into teaching our children. It's been incredible for our family, but they had to put, like we get to come in here and you know, do all the stuff that we do and have all the fun that we do and pursue these dreams while they're doing that. Yeah and I think at one point it may have been referred to in a heated argument as the mythical castle.

You get to go to your mythical castle. Oh she called it the castle? She did, yeah. Wow. You get to go off to your mythical castle. She's never said that to me, your wife or my wife. And you know what, she was making a good point. Yeah.

You know, I've already alluded to this at the beginning of the podcast, how spoiled we are. But you know, the good news is, is even just in the, first of all, one of the cool things that's happening with the kids being in school is that our wives are now able to ask those questions and have that time. And it is, as they begin to figure out how they're gonna be investing their time in their dreams,

it is going to impact us in the amount of time that we have to worry about the kids. Now. Well, hopefully not. Just kidding. But I mean, we did kind of dodge a bullet in a sense because our kids are gonna be, it won't be long and our kids are gonna be out of the house.

It's gonna be like that and they're gonna be out of the house. But I think that this is a question that especially if you are, I mean, and for Amber, she's got kids that are about our age, so she's kind of in the same boat. It's like, well, in a lot of ways, that dynamic's probably not gonna change significantly

but I think that if you're young, you're just getting married and you're thinking about having kids, I do think that if I could go back, I would think about these things differently and not just fall into this, well, I'm gonna just go do this. I think I could have been more considerate

and more involved and more attentive to these things, even if nothing changed about the dynamics of how much time I was gonna be there. I think I did say, look at all these books, she's doing all this thinking about this. I'm just gonna support her by continuing to go over here and make money. I think there's a better way to do that,

which is, yeah, let's go over here and make money for the family, but let's also find ways to be personally involved in this process too. I can read another book, it's not that hard to do, you know? Well, and we may be projecting a little bit of our, both of our experiences on Amber's situation, which was, it could be different.

Just because he doesn't worry as much as she does, again, that worry is a big component of personality type. It could be personality. So I think it's less of, I mean if you have the gift of not being burdened with worrying about a certain thing, that's a totally different variable than how much do you love it.

You know, if you gotta look at like an investment of time, an investment of energy and thought, effort, it's a different thing. Yeah. I think ultimately what we're saying, Amber, is good luck with that. Liz Akam. What was the best trip your parents took you on as a kid?

And do you want to take your kids back to that place? My parents took me and my sisters to museums all the time and I'm glad for it. I would definitely take my kids to museums all the time if my husband and I had kids. I didn't go to a lot of places as a kid. I remember that my mom took, well, when she and Jimmy were still married,

we went to Disney World when I was very young. I don't remember it, I was like four and there's pictures of me crying. But when I was older, we went to Busch Gardens and we have pictures of that. Pictures of you crying there or are you happy there? I was kinda happy. Kinda happy.

But then, I remember later, mom took me and you to King's Dominion. Yeah, we have pictures, there's a picture of us standing in front of her car in the Book of Mythicality, in front of the hotel we stayed at. Yeah, on the car. Yeah, we're leaning against the car.

Cool guys. Cool guys, yeah. That's what I think of when I think about those guys. Cool guys, short shorts, long socks, cool guys. Haven't taken my kids back to King's Dominion, but we have been to like Disneyland. This is a great question, because I've never thought about this before,

but I tend to think of my childhood as a series of tentpole events, right? I think that you typically, you have very specific memories about the environment that you were in most, so you can kind of picture your childhood home. But when you think about your parents and the experiences with them, at least for me personally, a lot of times it's things like,

I remember my dad taking me and my brother to Raven Rock, you know, west of Lillington, North Carolina. There's a state park, Raven Rock State Park that the Cape Fear goes through, the Cape Fear River. It's a huge rock that the Native Americans would, they would camp underneath the ledge. Yeah, it's amazing. It's like 100 feet.

It's super cool. And I recently thought to myself, I wonder how many times we actually went there. I bet you we went there so fewer times than I actually think because it stands so big in my memory as something that we would do. I also remember even earlier than that, when we lived in Thousand Oaks, California,

not too far from here, my dad would take us hiking on Tarantula Hill. Oh. I remember this. Tarantula Hill, never saw a tarantula there, don't know why it was called that, and it really was just a hill. It was just a big mound of, you know, earth that you kinda walked up and it definitely wasn't a mile

of just kinda walking around and getting to the top and coming back down. It's funny, and I can have just a buttload of those kinds of memories that are very much like taking me out of my normal environment and taking me to a place and doing something with me. Some of it was vacations, going to the beach or going to the Grand Canyon, whatever.

But I feel like that's what kind of makes a child's memories. So the way that I've sort of processed that and applied it to my kids is, I've tried to do that, like I try to do these trips, you know, we try to take our kids places, we try to travel with our kids, like Locke got to go to Africa with Jessie last year, I wasn't able to go, but like that's something, he'll never forget that

because it was so outside of the box of normal life. Sure. But specifically in answer to this question, I drove to Thousand Oaks less than a year ago with Jesse and Shepard, oh no, what it was is we dropped Locke off at a basketball camp out there. And then I was like, let's go by the old house, the old house I grew up in.

If you've watched our videos for a long time, you know that Link and I actually went to my old house one time in Thousand Oaks, and the man did not want to speak with us. But we went by the old house. But the neighbor did, and your neighbor was still there. Yeah, and this time I did not speak to the neighbor or the current resident.

But I was like, I did some things like, how far were we from school? Because we used to walk to school and I was like five years old and I'd walk with my brother. Kindergarten, yeah. It was one mile from the Weatherfield School. And then I was like, oh, Tarantula Hill.

I remember Tarantula Hill, this place. So it was like a mile away from the house and we drove up to it. Oh, you went there? And we didn't get out and walk around. I wasn't that cool of a dad because we needed to be somewhere. But I just like saw this mound of dirt. I mean, it's more than, it's just a grassy hill,

but there's nothing to it. And I was like, that meant so much to me because my dad would just take us up there and we'd just walk around and then come back down. But like just doing that kind of thing, that's what my childhood is made of. If you had screens back then, Matt. You're not gonna make those kinds of memories.

You wouldn't have been on the hill, huh? You're not gonna make those kinds of memories by beating Zelda. I'm trying to tell Shepard that, but it's not having much of an effect. Anyway, so yes, I have taken the kids to some of those places, but yeah, I think that creating those kinds of experiences,

because my parents did that with me, is something that I've tried to then do with the kids. Yeah. Create the memories. Every weekend you try to do something, I mean, That's why you got the RV, man. We like to see a good movie, but that's why I'm like, yeah, this RV, it's like,

They're never gonna forget that RV. They're not gonna forget that RV. Even if you never do it again, that RV trip to the Grand Canyon is going to be this huge tentpole memory. Like when they're like, what's some of the stuff you did with your dad growing up? Well, one time he got this RV,

we went to the Grand Canyon. I mean, he couldn't even get out of the driveway. Yeah, right. I mean, he had to build a land bridge. Exactly, I mean, you make, yeah, we try to make decisions. I mean, you had to build a land bridge. Exactly, I mean, you make, yeah, we try to make decisions. I mean, I was joking last week that, you know,

it's great to know that even if it goes sideways, that I can make it an entertainment and talk about it with you guys. But I mean, I hope you knew, and I was definitely thinking, it's like, I was creating this as a family experience that then added benefit, it gives us something to talk about here.

Turn a mistake into a story. Let's end on this doozy of a question. Harriet asks, I'm not a parent, but this is a question coming from the lack of discussion on this topic in my household from my parents. How do you talk to your children about the birds and the bees? What does that mean?

Well first of all, you know, my approach was informed by my experience as a child. And you know, when I was, I don't know, 12 or 13 I guess, my mom who worked at the Harnett County Health Department, I think I've told this story before, but it always is worth telling again so that anyone can learn from it. At the front of the Harnett County Health Department,

there were all types of brochures about all types of health things that you would need to learn about. Every STD you can imagine. And so one day my mom comes home with a brochure and she hands it to me and she says, "'Here's a brochure.'" I know how much you love them.

I just want you to look through it and if you have any questions, you know you can ask me anything. I took the brochure. Now when she said that, if you have any questions, you know you can ask me anything. I took the brochure. Now when she said that, did you have any idea, did you think it was gonna be like a visit Montana, like what kind of brochure, did you think it was medical? Did you know, were you familiar

with the brochures in general? Well the picture on the front was very graphic. Oh, describe it. No, I'm joking. Sorry, I wanted a mental picture. I don't recall. I do have to imagine knowing myself at the time that the moment I was handed the brochure,

I was just seized with fear and awkwardness. Deep embarrassment. Not embarrassment really as much, well maybe. And then I was like okay, and then I took it back to my room and then I walked in my room and then I walked into my closet. I grabbed a flashlight. Wow we're very private.

I sat down in the closet with the door closed with a flashlight. Like you're hiding from a home intruder. I'm like a 12 year old kid. I mean it's like. You're hiding from a home intruder. I'm like a 12 year old kid. I mean it's like. You're in the safe room. And I'm like reading this thing and even if somebody comes in, they won't see me.

They're just like why are you in the closet? And somebody being your mom? Yeah, I guess. Even though she told you to read the brochure. Right. What are you doing in there? I'm reading the brochure, you just asked me to, I'm sorry. I didn't, I'm pretty sure I never had any follow-up questions from my mom.

Yeah, and she knew that when she gave you the brochure that you were not going to come to her with questions. Right, maybe it's, I would call it more of a pamphlet or even a booklet. How many pages? It had leafs in it. How many pages? I mean it. Was it for someone of your age? It or even a booklet. How many pages? It had leafs in it. How many pages? I mean it- Was it for someone of your age?

It was like this big. It was like, so what's that? Seven inches by five inches. Don't start giving seven inch measurements in this context. So it wasn't like a tourism brochure. Visit sex. Sextown, USA. Strap in. Sex town USA.

Strap in. No, sorry. Did you learn anything? Oh yeah. So do you think it- It wasn't too late for me. I hadn't already learned it. You're not real good with numbers,

so do you really think you were 12, 13? Like is that how old you think you were? And was this new information to you? I don't, I can't imagine that I was 11. Okay, and was it all new? Did you have any idea about the tools involved? I mean, I had an idea, you know. But it was a misinformed idea.

But the specific mechanics of it was eye opening. And it was, so it was line drawing, it was eye opening. So it was line drawing, it was sketches. Because I remember, one of the differences between me and you is that I was thinking about these things earlier than you were. Oh yeah. But I did not have any clear picture of them.

Literally I didn't have a picture. I didn't get a brochure from my parents. So I was kind of- But you had an older brother. Yeah. And that scene, I think that's the cliche. He didn't, we didn't talk about it. I think we were maybe a little too close in age,

I don't know, like three years apart. I don't know exactly why, but he didn't talk to me about it. It was more picking things up from other kids our age. But you were interested, you were like looking for clues. Oh yeah. You were sleuthing. I remember piecing things together in middle school and kind of putting it all together

and understanding exactly what was involved. But it was more of a just, you know, occasional casual reconnaissance mission, just gathering, you know, intel from different people and putting it together. Uh-huh. But I did not, and I could be wrong about this, but I do not remember having a specific,

there may have been like a very early talk at some point before I was really processing and understanding all the things involved for my parents, but I do not remember that. And I also think it was very much a generational thing. Everybody I know who's our age, when I asked them, did you get a talk from your parents? It's either, yes, it was very brief,

or no, I didn't get one. It was, but it wasn't this like. It was over before I knew it, much like the act itself. It was some, it was passive in some manner, like here's a brochure, go in the closet and read it. And again, I don't, who knows what we're doing to screw the next generation up right now. But that was kind of what our parents did.

You just didn't talk about those things typically. But you don't recall any sort of pamphlet? No pamphlets. We didn't really believe in pamphlets in general in my family. Never saw one in the house. So you don't recall the talk either though? No, I do not.

And have you asked them about it? Like do they recall it? Oh, because I understand it now. I don't go to my parents' to get this kind of information now. You didn't, but you haven't asked them. We've never talked about it. Hey mom, tell me about the time you told me about sex

because I can't remember it. Yeah, that's how I bring it up. But let's talk about how we have then, well, you were about to explain how you've done it based on your experience. For me because, you know, I like to just, I've always made it a point because to counteract my experience with my mom

that like we didn't talk through a lot of things. I mean, it's just, that's just how it was. I wanted to do something different. I wanted to be more open and have more honest conversations and from an earlier age and so. And I think that's also generational. There wouldn't be an instinctive, I just didn't want to give my kids an instinct

when they got some sort of information like I did that they had to go hide. Because that just doesn't strike me as a healthy response, a healthy way to view sex is that it's something that's, it's clandestine, you know? Or automatically dirty or something to be ashamed of or something to be secretive about. I mean it's, in the proper, with a proper understanding,

I mean it's totally normal, I mean it's, and it's important. Yeah. And it's important to gain a proper understanding of sex in the context of conversations with people that you trust and that you love and that it can be a safe place to understand over time, because it's not just one talk.

Yeah, and I don't think that it's just a, I think a lot of people may put this off on a teacher or a professional that's teaching sex ed or whatever. And that's fine and potentially great, and I do think that sex education at school is something I believe in, I think is important because not all parents are going to do this, but- It's extremely difficult to do.

But I think that at least in the circles that we run in now, and again, I think this is slightly cultural, but also generational. It's like, we don't have, there's nobody that we hang out with who has kids who hasn't had the, it's like we talk to other parents about the talk. Like we've all talked about the talk that we had. Right, we compare notes.

When did you talk about it? What did you say? Right. And I also think it depends on the kid because I'm not gonna name my kids' names at this point because I've only got two, so I'm not trying to embarrass him. So, but one of my kids was much more inquisitive about it,

was asking a lot of very pointed questions about the process and not accepting pat answers that tried to oversimplify things. You got Pat involved? Nope, no Pat was not involved. You can pay a person named Pat to come in and give your kids a sex talk. But that is not what I did.

And my other kid was not so inquisitive in asking all these questions. But for the kid who was asking the questions, I sat down and had a talk where I explained everything, basically everything in very technical details and continued to confirm. I was almost like when you were explaining the stuff about the RV, I was like, got it?

I kept saying, got it? And then I would ask questions to make sure that he understood. And it's really, I think a good practice is, the thing that I did was you wanna see where their minds are with their follow-up questions so that you can answer those as opposed to just giving an information dump

and overwhelming them and then it's like, it may be too much too soon. Yeah. So it's more, again, it's- It's the beginning of a conversation. It's multiple conversations and it comes in installments. And it still happens, right? So I think that's the other thing is that,

and again, kids get to a certain age when they start, when it becomes real, so like before they go through puberty, kids, this is all very theoretical, but as they begin to go through puberty and as they pass through puberty, it becomes very real to them and they're like, oh, all that stuff that dad and mom told me is now I understand it because it's happening to me

in my body. And at that point. And that's a good point is that you're talking about those things too. You're talking about puberty, you're talking about your body changing. You're having a lot of potentially awkward conversations and it's not just all about sex, reproduction.

Exactly, but what I'm saying is that once it becomes personal to them, most kids then have a tendency to withdraw a little bit and be like, this conversation needs to stop because this is no longer theoretical, this is personal. And so I think at that point, you kinda have to keep going back there and it'd be, I mean sometimes, and this this doesn't happen to do,

this isn't just limited to talking about sex. It could be anything that's potentially uncomfortable or not cool to talk to your parents about. I just say, listen, that's not gonna be a dynamic in our family. I'm not, you're not gonna be too cool or too awkward to talk to me about that. I've only got you for a few years

and we're going to talk about anything and everything and we're gonna break right through the awkwardness. I have to say that sometimes so that then we could then have the conversation. But as much as from earlier, you know I like to fib a little bit. When it comes to this stuff, I don't joke around. I mean, I joke around, I make jokes, but I don't.

All the information that I give is intended to be as helpful and as true as possible. But it is, I mean, but that first conversation was so funny that I recorded the entire thing. I have the. Now I know that you did that, but even when you tell it to me again, I still feel a wave of shock come over me that you bugged your sex talk.

It was, and actually what happened is I said one thing. Because you know what you're supposed to do. His response was so funny, I was like, I gotta record this. So you pulled your phone out? I pulled out the memo recorder, the voice recorder on the iPhone, and I just turned it on,

and then proceeded to have the talk and. But did you say this conversation is being recorded for quality assurance purposes? I think at one point he said, dad are you recording this? And I was like, yeah maybe, you know, don't worry about it. Or play it at your rehearsal dinner. You know, that kind of thing. Where do you have it now?

Play it at your rehearsal dinner. You know, that kind of thing. Where do you have it now? Well, you know, I released it as an album. Have you saved it? Yeah, I got it. You sure you got it? It's in voice memos. Are you gonna play it at the rehearsal dinner?

Right now. I'm gonna play it for him again and be like, "'Hey, you want me to edit this thing into something funny "'and we'll play it at your rehearsal dinner? I mean, because I got it. I think it'd be hilarious. I think it'll be like the best wedding ever. I might play it at the ceremony.

Again, but it will all be with permission. I'm not gonna. I mean, I know a channel you could upload it to. And I wouldn't be opposed to it being there. What are you talking about? With a pre-roll ad. A channel, this channel? Like a YouTube channel with a pre-roll ad. Yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Mid-roll ad. So, and at times, I mean, I'm sure people are like, why did you do that? Well, it's private, no one has ever listened to it. In fact, I've never listened back to it. It's just I haven't, okay? But yeah, it's something that we continue to talk about. And.

It is interesting, it's almost a, this is a reminder to me that like, you kinda have to have a discipline to continue to talk about it. I mean, because like you said, there's a tendency to withdraw at a certain age and it's our role to continue to say, hey, this is an important and normal conversation.

I mean, the first conversation that we had, it was a general one with the two older kids. So like Lincoln was younger and it was just like, and it was like I don't know if he's a little too young, but we're having a very general version of the conversation. So we didn't get into that many specifics. Right. Just to kind of break the ice about it.

And it was, but it ended up being a, you know, trying to find the right words and you know, keep your face in a way that seems like, hey, this is a normal conversation. This is, I look, this is what my face looks like when we're talking about anything at the dinner table. Because we were at the dinner table. This is not my sex face.

Yeah. Or my sex. What? This is not my sex talk face. And definitely not my sex face. Come on. You know what I mean. My sex discussion face.

Sorry, I should have clarified. And so we had this, we were like, Christy and I, we were talking about it and we were like trying to keep our cool and trying to be matter of fact about it in order to send the right signals that hey, this is normal or whatever and we did a great job. Felt really good about it but there wasn't much.

Reciprocation? Retort or. Engagement. So the first follow up, and again I won't say who it was, it was just like, there was like a moment of silence, it was like okay, we're gonna let you process, and then it was, first thing that was said was awkward.

Pretty awesome. Yeah, but that's great. And you know what, that's fine. And I say, you know, you didn't even vocalize that awkwardness is great. It does feel a little awkward and you know what, that is fine. But think about if you hadn't have said it.

Right. And the awkwardness that could result from it. Again, and I'm not, listen, I don't know if we're doing a good have said it. Right. And the awkwardness that could result from it. Again, and I'm not, listen, I don't know if we're doing a good job at it. But because there are certain things that begin to happen at certain ages, and like, I mean, the way you interact with your kid, like the way you show affection to your kid changes.

Like the way I show affection to Shepherd is different than the way I show affection to Locke because it's a nine- old and a 14 year old. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And I remember that with my parents, like at some point it was like, I don't care, like I remember like four or five years old,

I was like, I would go up to like my mom, my dad, and then my grandma and like kiss everybody on the lips before I went to bed. I think that's kind of a Southern thing to do that. Yeah. Just like peck everybody on the lips before I went to bed. I think that's kind of a Southern thing to do that. Yeah. Just like peck everybody on the lips. And then at some point, well at some point, you should probably stop doing that, right?

And I did. Yeah. But it's funny because once something stops, it's really difficult to get it back. So once you no longer say a certain thing, or once you no longer say I love you, which we still say I love you quite a bit in my family, but you know, you might stop saying that at some point,

and it's very difficult to get it back. And once you quit talking about sex, it's very difficult to start talking about sex again, and then you're just kinda like, um, maybe it'll just work itself out. They'll figure it out, they got friends. Trust me, their friends have no clue. Well, you do have, as humans, we do have a way

of figuring it out. It does kinda, you know, you don't have to be told but it could lead to negative repercussions. It could come with certain consequences. And there's no guarantee that our kids, your kids, will escape those consequences, regardless of how much you talk about it. I was remarkably lucky,

even though I didn't have a candid conversation with my parents. So all that to say to Harriet, yeah, we're trying to talk about it very intentionally and not have it just be one conversation but have it be an ongoing conversation and we'll report back. Which brings us to next week's conversation

when we talk at you again. It will be exclusively about how babies are made. Yeah. We'll have our sex faces on the whole time. And I will bring my pamphlet. You still got it probably. And I have it on me, yeah, it's in my back pocket. You keep it in your wallet.

Yeah, you never know when you need it for reference. Right. Just to, you know, what's step one? I get confused. What is step one? Next week, Rhett, I'll let you know what's step one. So you can count on us to be here. Thanks for listening.

Always, we value a hashtag, Ear Biscuits, feedback and conversation, as well as an iTunes review. I mean, who are we kidding here? Yeah do that too. If you're, I would love to see you do that. Yeah, send us pictures of you doing that. Good luck with that.