Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 157: Is Australia The Greatest Place On Earth? | Ear Biscuits Ep. 157

Episode Date: August 20, 2018

Rhett and Link reminisce on their families’ recent adventures Down Under, accidentally crashing a furry meet-up, and Link’s transformative snorkeling experience on this week’s episode of Ear Biscuits. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Today's episode is brought to you by our new presenting sponsor, Vitamin Water. Woo woo! Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're gonna figure out,

is Australia the greatest place on Earth? Oh. And why are we qualified to explore this question? Well, because we spent- We've been there. We've spent a little over two weeks there. Well, I think it was a little under two weeks. We spent a little under two weeks there.

As two guys who spent a little under two weeks there, we know enough to come to a definitive conclusion as to whether or not Australia is the greatest place on Earth. We've got a lot to fill you in on because yeah, we are fresh off of a record-breaking length of vacation. We have never in the history of our lives, well I don't know about you, but I know for certain I've never been on a three-week vacation. We have never in the history of our lives,

well I don't know about you, but I know for certain I've never been on a three week vacation. And when you tack on the fact that we also went to Fiji, I ain't bragging, I'm just stating. We went to Fiji after going to Australia. Or Fiji. Fiji. As they say in Australia. That's not exactly how they say it.

It's really hard to get the rhythm of how they say things. Fiji. Fiji. As they say in Australia. That's not exactly how they say it. It's really hard to like get there, the rhythm of how they say things. Fiji. They also put eh at the end of things in Fiji. In Fiji, I'm talking about the way Australian people say Fiji. Oh yeah, you're right, they say Fiji. Fiji.

But that's still not, I know I'm not doing it right. Longest vacation we've ever had and we were both there for it together. With our families in tow. We've only ever done like a week at a time, and because we were able to make this a little bit of a work thing with the tour stops, we were able to kinda justify it.

But we're like, when are we gonna be in this part of the world another time? We're gonna be flying back over the South Pacific, over all these beautiful islands. Well you gotta stop in Fiji. You gotta stop somewhere. I mean you gotta get gas. Actually you don't have to, you can fly direct there.

We flew directly there, but you can't fly directly back when Fiji is in the way. Right. You gotta stop. And so we did. Of course we didn't want to, but we had to. And it was a bit of an experiment bringing everybody along. We'll talk about the ins and the outs of having, actually a 10 person group,

because we took our families, but we also took our assistant Jenna with us. And there was a lot of calculation that went into it. I mean, the planning, I'm not even just talking about the tour component, I'm just talking about saying, okay, over a year ago, it could have been like a year and a half ago, we were talking about, okay, not this summer,

but next summer, we're gonna take a long vacation. I remember we started to have those conversations because you gotta start protecting calendar time so it doesn't get eaten up by stuff. The past two summers were dedicated to shooting film and buddy system. So we knew we wanted to take some family times. And then once we had the experience of the tour of

Mythicality, and you know, there was a groundswell of Mythical Beast asking us to bring it down to the under. To the Aussies. I like how you had already said down, so you wanted to not say down under again. I liked that, it was a good recovery. Thank you. Bring it down to the under.

That should be. Well, I learned that from them. That's how they talk about it. Well, it should be like a slogan for some sort of Australian business that we should open up now. Or just the tourism department. Bring it down to the under.

I'm not gonna try to use an accent because I don't wanna insult my favorite people on earth now. Yep. So this trip was a culmination of over a year of planning and then of course we got into doing the tour dates. So let's just take a second and say thank you to all of you mythical beasts down there in the under

who came out to our shows, Melbourne, Sydney, Brizzy, as they call it, Brisbane. I gotta say, it was. They call Brisbane Brizzy, and they call breakfast Brekkie. They have like a cute way of like saying things. Well, they shorten things in general, even though those technically aren't shortened. They shorten them in a happy way.

Right. You know, like, oh, you went to Brizzy. You went up to Brizzy. It's like, yeah, it was great. You know, well, we'll talk about it, but that's just how they talk, in a happy, shortened way. So we're gonna talk all about our experience, but we do wanna talk about the Mythical Beasts

who came out to the shows on the Tour of Mythicality because you never know what to expect. I mean, having traveled around the US doing the show, we always had great crowds. Some, you know, there's a combination of that particular group of people and the venue that you're in and also how we're doing as performers

that kind of creates this unknown response that you're in and also how we're doing as performers that kind of creates this unknown response that you're gonna get in the moment. And you never know if you're gonna be like, this is an incredible, super lively crowd that stayed engaged. Oh, they got that joke and they got that joke and they were there all the way to the end when it gets really weird.

I gotta say, the Australian crowd was, I mean this is one data point, this is one point in the whole argument that we might be making that Australia is the greatest place on Earth, that we might be talking about at least amongst the best mythical beasts in the world live there. I mean they're already.

I'm not gonna say they got a great sense of humor, but I will say that they seem to find us funny. We felt completely at home. And listen, we've been told that the way that we think about things or our style of humor appeals to certain pockets in the world outside of the US. And we had heard that Australia was one of those places, but we did not really anticipate the level of connection

that there would be. The funny thing that we heard multiple times that I could never have expected, we have the meet and greet after each of the three shows. And people would say again and again, I love your accents, you sound so American. And we're like, well, don't you listen and watch us like a lot?

And they would say things like, yeah, but it's so much more pronounced in person. That's what they would say. And we've never been on the receiving end of that. But as Americans who have not, we haven't traveled extensively. We traveled around the U.S. pretty extensively, but not the world very extensively.

And there's obviously a lot of people from a lot of different places that come to America. And you know the old adage that if you've got a different accent that you're immediately interesting and appealing to Americans. Oh yeah. I didn't know if it worked in reverse.

But the response was, it was interesting. It's just like, oh, you know, the way I speak. Because I would think it would have been like, It sounds boring. Eye roll. Yeah, it seems boring and like, it seems like a newscaster from Oklahoma. It's kind of where we sort of landed

in terms of the way that we speak. But I do think when we interact on an interpersonal level, I guess I realized that our accents come out more when we're not in like a performance mode, like when we're not on the show or something, you know, it's just, we really let our hair down. We're just being real. We get just real loose with it.

It's so nice to meet y'all. You're just such a good, good audience. That's how we talk the entire time. Let's take a picture. Let's take a picture together. Anyway, thank you all. That almost sounded creepy. For coming out. Let's take a picture together.

We actually, we met a lot of Mythical Beasts. We met a lot of Mythical Beasts who didn't even know that we were there to do a show. So we learned our lesson. So not at the show, on the streets. We might need to do a better job at advertising. We're gonna be a place, but. We're gonna be at other places in the future,

so go to tourmythicality.com if you wanna see us in Toronto, Jersey. Yeah, and those shows. One more spot on. Those shows were up for months ahead of time. So just remember, just check that site. Let's get into just our overarching impressions of the continent of Australia.

I think there's this, there's a stereotype that the people are nice, but I'll say for a continent that was colonized by prisoners, it's a really nice place. I mean, that's quite a strange juxtaposition. You know, I mean, they're not like in shackles anymore. But also we learned quite a bit about the history.

It's petty crimes. And apparently people who commit petty crimes, short of murder and like stealing horses and stuff like that, small crimes. Cause stuff like that, they would just kill you. Apparently. They would execute you as the word I should use. Apparently if your ancestors committed petty crimes,

you're more likely to be just a generally nice and easygoing person. Well, they would. So the moral of the story is we should begin committing petty crimes now so that generations down the line, the great grandchildren will be easygoing people. Right?

No. I'm not gonna respond to that. All I'm gonna say is that it was just, the people were indeed nice. I didn't meet anyone who was currently a prisoner. At least they didn't tell me that. And we were in cities. I mean, there's 24 million people in Australia.

The majority of those people live in the major cities because there's not a whole lot of people that are like living in the middle of the Outback, of course, they kind of live on the coast, but you know, you've got like almost 10 million people just between Melbourne and Sydney. So you're getting almost half the country there. And people in cities that big tend to be,

at least in America, like once you get into a place that is really large and becomes impersonal and you don't really know your neighbor and you don't know the people that you're walking past on the street, people just kind of become a-holes and it's just a part of the culture. I mean, that's the way it is in Los Angeles.

But there just really was this pleasant interaction with people at all levels of interaction, like somebody at a restaurant or somebody that was, driving you around or whatever. Well, and the thing that we read was that there's a cliche that they think Americans are too loud. Yeah. So I was self-conscious about speaking loud

because I was like, well, they're probably correct. And then a great test of that, at least how different they perceive conversational volume than we do is on the television. Oh gosh, Australian television. So when I was in the hotel room, I just turned on the TV. I was like, I'm gonna flip around this Australian TV and get a taste of it.

Yeah, a little cultural orientation. Yeah, come down to the under and see what's on the TV. Does it work in that context? That worked. Yeah, that was great. And first things first, game shows. There were like four game shows on the like 25 available channels.

But the game shows were, I gotta say, anti-exciting. I'm not gonna use the term boring because it's the greatest place on Earth. But the most understated, everything about them was understated, the way the host would just talk about this volume right here. But then there was a game where they were just doing math, or maths, as they say. Like, literally, they had, like, a whiteboard.

I didn't see this. And there would be a couple of numbers, and then you would have to do on your whiteboard, like, how do you get from this number to this number? And then they would turn it around and show their math like they're in school. and if they got it right, the audience would be like. Good maths!

But they wouldn't yell, they'd be like, good maths. Good maths. I mean, that. We're gonna take a commercial break now, but when we come back, we're gonna have more math. And then I turned to ES, I guess it was ESPN, or their equivalent of ESPN, it was a sports channel, and they were talking about footy,

which I learned all about and am fascinated by. A lot like rugby but different, Australian rules football. And they were analyzing it. So just for perspective, in the US, the way that all the sports channels and all the sports shows have gone is now you've gotta have a strong opinion. In fact, like half of the shows on ESPN

are based on the premise that there's two guys and they're arguing against each other. They don't even believe it. It's just they know they gotta conjure up some sort of. Yeah, you have to disagree. Sharp opinion. You have to have a strong opinion and you have to defend it.

Well, it was just three guys sitting around talking about it like this and they were just all agreeing with each other. You know, you got a good point about that guy. It's pleasant, man. It's just they're all so pleasant. It's pleasant. I gotta admit, I didn't continue watching

because I feel like my sensitivities or my sensibilities have been tuned to people just nearly killing each other about every single possible issue. That's the way we handle things in America. So to see people just pleasantly discuss things, it's boring to me, but maybe I could adapt. Something that was weird, I don't mean to complain

because this is not a complaint. It's just an observation. I hit a speed bump trying to figure this out, but every receptacle, I'm talking about a plug, like an outlet that you plug your stuff into. Of course, we had to bring adapters because their plugs are wonky. Well, maybe ours are wonky.

Ever thought about that? Nah, theirs are wonky. They go sideways. They're wonky. They go like this, yeah. And by the strictest definition. They're at 45 degrees. Yeah, the two top slots.

Little wonky. But above everything where you can plug something in, there's a switch. Have you noticed that? Yeah, you could turn. We never talked about it. You could turn the outlet on and off. Which is tough when you're like, you're plugging in your adapter

and then you're plugging in your phone charger, and then you're plugging in your phone, and then, well, after I've done all that, you gotta remember to also flick on the switch above the outlet. Every, I didn't see, it must have been like a law. Or something. Or at some point, it's part of the code, yeah.

It's part of their code. You gotta turn on the receptacle after you've plugged into it. I think it has something to do with being descended from petty criminals. Well, it's safety. Let's think about that. It's safety. So that, it's probably so a kid just can't

think it's like a keyhole. Yeah, but what if the kid just flips it on and then thinks it's a keyhole? Well, then that kid deserves it. Ultimately, I think that it is a- All American kids deserve it if they put a key in, but Australian kids only deserve it if they're smart enough to then flip the switch too.

I think it is a superior system, and I'm not just saying that because I want to build the argument for Australia being the greatest place on Earth. I think it's a superior system because if you have a device that is on when plugged in and doesn't have a power switch, like, I don't know, there's gotta be one out there. Then maybe a, if you wanna leave it plugged in.

A hair dryer that's malfunctioning. Well you know how like when you've got something plugged in and you're like, I know that there's power like going into it right now and there's some switch on it that's keeping the power from going. This is how electricity works. It's like a hose of electrons that are just pushing their way into that hair dryer. And they're on the tip.

And the hair dryer has got a switch that's keeping them... And they're building up in that hair dryer about to explode. Hey, hair dryer getting blue balls. I want all that electricity pressure to build up in the wall, not on my device. Right, because then when you- That's clearly what it is. When you unplug it- That's science.

Because then when you unplug it, either way, you've still got a hair dryer full of electrons. Electricity. Think about it, you unplug it and it's just like, it goes somewhere, right? Well, that happens either way, man. It's not better in Australia. No, you cut it off, it stays in the wall.

Oh, you're saying you cut off, once you're done with the hairdryer, you leave the hairdryer on, but you turn it off at the wall so it drains all of its power? Yeah, they're probably making, they're probably saving- Kind of like a garden hose?

They're probably saving cents on the dollar because of this technology. Do you leave water in your garden hose outside of your house here in America? Yeah, so it'll heat up and be like a warm bath the next time I cut it on, yeah. Well, you're talking about both sides of your house here in America? Yeah, so it'll heat up and be like a warm bath the next time I cut it on, yeah. Well, you're talking about both sides of your mouth now. Well, that's water, not electricity.

Totally different thing. And the two shall not mix. They shall not mix. Well, I'm sorry I sent us off on that tangent. Did you also notice that in public places like airports and restaurants, mostly airports. I wonder if the hairdryer gets firmer when it's full of electrons. Hold on, let me say, airports and hotels, that there was a dedicated

shaver outlet that said shavers only? Did you see this? I didn't even see that. As a man who shaves, I would've thought that you would've tuned right into that. There's a shaver outlet? Shaver, it said shavers only at the airport and at the hotel, there was a shaver only and I was so upset

I didn't bring my shaver. Well, now I have a reason to go back. The toilets do flush the other way but I did not note that. Christy told me that last night when I was like, what are some of the highlights for you? She was like, flush does go the other way. Well, the reason I didn't note it

and still doubt whether or not it's true is because all- I doubt it too, but my wife told me. All the toilets that we used didn't have a swirl. They were just. They were just. They were just. It was like a trap door. A little man came up and.

I mean, if we're talking about restrooms- It sucked it straight down. There was no swirl. Every restroom that you went to, and let me tell you, brothers and sisters, I went're talking about restrooms. It sucked it straight down. Every restroom that you went to, and let me tell you, brothers and sisters, I went to the restroom a lot. I'm telling you, I had a ball. Is this a sermon now? I mean, pass the plate,

because I need to get some TP. I need to, my budget, my TP budget's running low. In the analogy now. Clean. What was I talking about running low. In the analogy now. Clean. What was I talking about? No. You're talking about how clean they were. Hand dryers.

Oh, the hand dryers. They didn't have any paper products. I don't even think they have woods in Australia. They must not. Yeah. Think about it. Actually, we did see woods. We did. But they weren't having to turn it into toilet paper,

I guess. Petty criminals like to have their hands blown on. Right. Blow off the. Because they're constantly snatching little insignificant things. And you don't wanna rough them up with paper towels, you want air, man.

Dyson is from Australia. That's why. Dyson is Australian for vacuuming, isn't that? Are you sure that Dyson's from Australia? Pretty sure, look that up. Can you verify that? I'm pretty sure, man. The guy on the commercial's Australian. Anyway, Dyson everywhere. And you verify that? I'm pretty sure, man. The guy on the commercial's Australian.

Anyway, Dyson everywhere. And you know like the air blades, like you put, I always have a crisis of conscience about what I'm thinking if I like them or not. Like I really love a good Dyson technological advancement. But it's a tight quarters for your hands. Like I feel like I'm really touching the stuff that everyone else is touching.

But they had different things. They didn't just have the blade. They had them all. They had holes, they had air holes. They had air fins, they had it all, man. Again, this is the spirit. I'm talking about everywhere we went, and yes, we have confirmation that.

Yeah, it's from Australia. Yep, but listen. If you're one of the next 30 people to agree, then you also can say you were right. Perth, the place we didn't go. That Dyson is from Perth. Now, on the other side of the continent. And shout out to the Perthians who came to the show

and complained about us not going to Perth. I mean, I guess we'll have to check it out next time. It's a big country. It's on the other side. But we're talking about the restrooms. Yeah, but just one last thing about the petty criminals. Give it to me. Because you're talking about sticking your hands in things like holes and slits the restrooms. Yeah, just one last thing about the petty criminals. Give it to me. Because you're talking about sticking your hands

in things like holes and slits and different things. Yeah. They stick their hands into things without knowing it and take things out of them. They're used to it, makes them comfortable. They're constantly picking things out of each other's pockets. So they wanna continue that thing on with the sanitation.

The drying. Yeah, petty criminals. I mean, we would, at the beginning of each show, we would build rapport with our audience by talking about how great everything was because it was just easy to come up with something. And then, so we found ourselves talking about how clean the public restrooms were

because everywhere we went, especially in Brisbane when we were like walking down the Riverwalk and it's just immaculate. Everybody's using stuff and no one's messing anything up. Like nice things are staying nice. We go into the public restroom, it's nice. I mean, we were gushing about it on talking to Fallon. Yeah.

We're like, oh, we gotta tell, we're gonna devote precious Tonight Show minutes to gushing about the cleanliness of Australian public restrooms and that should say it all. Yeah, as opposed to what would happen if it was in America, which we won't even rehash it because you can see that on our little Fallon segment. Okay, so you got our general impressions.

We're gonna talk about some specific things that happened on the trip in a second. But first, I wanna take a short break to let you know that. This episode of Ear Biscuits is supported by Mint Mobile. The big in big wireless stands for a lot of things, big contracts, big bills, and big fees. And what the big wireless companies don't want you to know is that there's a way to cut your wireless bill down

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So go to mattressfirm.com slash podcast and start sleeping better tonight. And now back to the biscuit. So we went to Melbourne first. We had a friend who was just from the outskirts of Melbourne. He was really building it up and he was like, you know, I always gush about my hometown, but it just, you know, just people kinda roll their eyes,

they just don't get it, but I think when you go, you'll get it. And I do, I think we got it. We got it. It's a great place, y'all. Every place we went is great. I highly recommend going to Melbourne. Every place we went is great,

but I think the family consensus, the consensus between the two of us and the consensus between our wives and our kids is that Melbourne was the best. They got really good food. I mean, anywhere, if you trip and fall, you'll land in a flat white, which if you've been to Starbucks,

like in the past year or so, they started pushing these things called flat whites, which I didn't know what it was. I was just, okay, Starbucks, whatever, I'll get one. Well, that's the main thing I got down there. It's basically a latte without the foam. Without the foam, which I was like, this is brilliant. More coffee.

Less foam. Foam sucks, if you ask me. And- Except just a flat little layer of it. And you could, anywhere you fell, you'd land in one, and it would taste great. And it would taste good. And it validated my problem. Your problem.

My addiction to coffee. Well, as someone who has not been drinking coffee and been drinking mostly tea, almost exclusively tea, just because coffee messes up my stomach and my skin and stuff. I still like coffee more, but I'm cursed. I was like, I'm not gonna go to this place and not have the coffee.

And I mean, it was a combination of having abstained from coffee in general. I mean, it was a combination of having abstained from coffee in general. So I was getting like my first latte in months, but it was the flat white. It was absolutely incredible. And it didn't matter the cost. It didn't matter the level of the place that you went.

It was a nice restaurant had great coffee in a little hole in the wall had great coffee. And it just, it is just, it's an abomination what has happened, I don't know how, America got to a place where coffee, for most people, is this thing that is just dripped into this glass mug that is- You've been so snobbified. That is on a hot plate.

I'm there with you, man. And is sitting there in a diner just burning and is just poured out for you without any care. Or mixing with gas fumes at a convenience store. And it's just bitter, there's just something beautiful. They respect it so much and they give it to you in the way that you want it and it doesn't have to have- Well again, and we're talking about prisoners here.

They didn't invent it. Right. You know, they just said, all right, this is done really well in other parts of the world. They probably stole their first batch of beans. We're gonna steal it. We're gonna steal it. They stole it and they made it better.

It's not hard. If you're gonna steal something, make it better. That's what you can learn from hard. If you're gonna steal something, make it better. That's what you can learn from Australia. If you're gonna steal something, really steal it. Go all the way. Yeah. And then the food in general. I mean, at all places, but the first meal,

the first day, first of all, the adjustment, going, everybody was like. 14 hour flight. 16 hour flight. From LA. Your jet lag going will be okay. Your jet lag coming back will be the worst you've ever experienced.

Listen, we've been back well over a week. I've been, we went to New York and now we're back again. That made it worse. I am still out of sorts. Yeah, I- I cannot sleep at night. And I'll get like nauseous for no reason. Yeah, because you're seeing the toilet go the other way

and you didn't even think about it. It's mesmerizing. You're being hypnotized by your own feces. Meat pies. Everything was great. We got, I mean, we didn't get this until we went to Brisbane but I think it's everywhere. You go to a bar and you can order chicken parm.

Oh my gosh. And you're not gonna believe this. They've taken chicken and they've schnitzeled it out. They've hammered it out until it's like as big as, I don't know, a human torso. Yeah, it depends on the human, probably a child. Breaded it up. They've made chicken Parmesan.

And you might be like, okay, chicken parmesan. Okay, again. But it's so good! They didn't come up with it. Italia. They stole it. Italia came up with it. They stole it. They stole it from Italia. But they went all the way. And they made it better.

And they serve it in bars. And then you go in there and you get this giant piece of perfectly breaded, slammed down chicken. If you take it to go, they put it in a freaking, what appears to be a pizza box, but that's just for you. And listen, it isn't just, it's not this piece of meat with a piece of cheese on it and then slathered with marinara.

No, no, no, no, no, no. This piece of meat was, it had a thin layer of marinara sauce, then a piece of ham. The things we're talking about. A thin piece of ham. We devote so much time to chicken parm and receptacles. And then just this piece of cheese that covered the whole thing.

And it was just one of like four different kinds you could get at this pub. They got these things called laneways, which here's my advice when going to a city that you've never been to. Very early on, like I'm talking day one. Maybe day two. Sign up for a walking tour, a highly rated walking tour.

If you're into food, make it about food. If you're into art, make it about art. We took a street art walking tour in Melbourne because they have streets that are designated. It's cool to put what some people call graffiti, but I call street art. Or tagging. Up there and tag it.

But then you kind of, it's a way to be guided for a few hours to then have your interest peaked about other things that you can come back to. We made the mistake one time in New York, which we've been a lot, but we started doing, we did a food walking tour, which was great, but we did it on the last day we were there and it actually became very frustrating

because we found a number of things that we wanted to go back to and we didn't get to do that. So that's just a little practical piece of advice. Take a walking tour early. But we saw a few of these streets that were like, I mean, everything's really spaced out. What we learned from the walking tour was that the architect who planned it, he just made it really wide.

He fought tooth and nail to make the streets as wide as they were. He had a giant horse. He had a really fat horse. He must have had a really, he must have gone seven wide or something. Yeah, it's a seven wide fat horse. But now you can have both lanes of car streets

but then still have plenty of room in the middle for trains which you can hop on and off of for free. And I can't remember what they call those. They didn't call them trains. They had a specific name for them. It wasn't a trolley. Tram cars or something. But basically it was like a San Francisco trolley.

So in stark contrast to that, you look down what appears to be like a much more narrow street which was not planned by the architect but then as things were built up, they made these narrow streets which were akin to what you, I don't know, what you might see in London. I've never walked around. It's a European style. So basically, the streets that you can drive a car

down them, but you don't anymore. And they would be like one lane and there's lots of cobblestone. Lots of cafes. And the cafes have their seating in restaurants. Like out into the laneways. So there's no car at all. I just, I've always, I don't know.

It just feels so cool. Well there's like this, I have this thing for nooks and crannies. Yeah. Like I'm really in, like when I see, like I always wanna, when I see something. Red's a nook and cranny man. I don't know if it's because I'm so big

and it has to be a big cranny for me to get into it, but if I can get myself into a cranny, I will nook it right up. You would not believe it. And so I love. I don't know what a cranny is, but when you get in there, I'm like, that must have been a cranny.

I absolutely love getting into these small places. That's one of the reasons that New York is one of my favorite places on earth, because you can walk and then you look down there, there's a freaking door down there and it looks like there's people down there having fun and there's people above them. They're having fun.

You know, everybody's doing something and it's nooks and crannies, man. They almost called New York that. Sometimes I'll be like doing something and it's nooks and crannies, man. They almost called New York that. Sometimes I'll be like, I'll be in nook and cranny land and I'll be like, where's Rhett? And I won't see him anywhere. And then I'll backtrack a block or two and I'll just see him wedged in what I will understand

and is now a cranny. Yeah, sometimes you have to lube me up to get me out. Hey, break out the lube. The cranny lube. Right. I keep a tube of cranny lube in my back pocket. I'm nuked up here, you gotta lube me out of this cranny. When a big man likes crannies,

you gotta have lube on hand. Nook lube. Is it cranny lube or nook lube? No, they're both. It's kind of like the two sides of Twix. No, it's like left and right Twix. We sell both at Mythical.store. They're the same thing. Nook lube and cranny Lube or Nook Lube? No, they're both. It's kind of like the two sides of Twix. No, it's like left and right Twix. We sell both at Mythical.store. They're the same thing.

Nook Lube and Cranny Lube. That's the secret. And we set up this whole marketing thing where they're competing against each other. Nook Lube versus Cranny Lube. Your favorite is Nook Lube. My favorite is Cranny Lube. Not to be confused with Granny Lube,

which is something we're not going to talk about. Yeah, but you just did. We went and then we booked a day trip out of town. We went on the Great Ocean Road, which by the way, they stole from us. The PCH Highway along the western coast of the United States. Yes, that's what the story is.

They stole that and put it along their coast, which is absolutely beautiful. He's not kidding, because we went on a tour and the guy said. I don't kid about anything. The guy that came up with the idea for the Great Ocean Road had recently visited California and saw the Pacific Coast Highway.

Yeah, and he saw a PCH and was like, I'm gonna do that in Australia. But the 12 apostles is like the destination, but it takes from Melbourne, you're going further around south, I think I got my cardinal directions correct, but who cares? Going west, really.

Three hours, you'll get to the 12 apostles, which. They're not 12 of them. But basically it's giant rock formations that used to be a part of some monolithic cliff that began to be eroded down, and then there are these pillars that, we were told that at no time were there 12, but because there were 12 apostles,

it was a cool thing to say 12 apostles. But I think there's only six or seven at this point, depending on how you define one. And they've like fallen down, like a couple of them have fallen down in the past like 23 years. Anyway, I actually, I follow a couple of- It's a beautiful place. Well, I've been following,

even before I knew we were gonna go, I've always loved the idea of Australia. And I follow a couple of Instagram accounts. One is basically dedicated to all this stuff on the Great Ocean Road. And so I've seen this on Instagram millions of times. I got to go and check this out. And so we went on this tour.

Well, you're welcome. Yeah, you set this up. Thank you for saying that. We went on this tour with everybody and then we were on a bus with, you know, 20 other, I don't know, 15 to 20 other people. I'll apologize for that part of it. You told me that we were gonna be alone.

I thought we were gonna be alone. We're on a bus with too many people, too much condensation in that bus. And that's why I was late to the bus, man. I was late to the bus because you had told me it's just us. And so I was like, I got something in my cranny, I gotta get out real fast. I had to take a dump, was another way of saying that.

Shut up. And then, but, and I was like, I got it. First of all, that's a misuse of the term cranny. Like all of that, all the collateral, everything we built, like we spent all this time building up this great thing about nooks and crannies. It was like, it was a high point in the podcast. I'm sorry.

I just found myself thinking, you know what? We'll edit it out, I apologize. If this podcast sucks from here on out, it'll be fine because of what we built from nothing with this nook and cranny thing. And then you decimated it. Now you're thinking about my butthole when you hear about crannies. You misapplied it.

Yeah, I know, sorry. You misapplied it, it has nothing to do with that. I had to defecate, sorry. I should have just said I had used the restroom. But I wanted to give you a sense of time. Well, anyway, we get to the 12 apostles, and let me tell you. That's why I was late to the bus.

It was worth suffering in the back of this bus. I mean, literally, you and I were the last ones on because I was waiting for you. I sat in the last row in a smaller seat. It was horrible. It was also lower, but it doesn't matter because I'm kind of like a giraffe. But it was worth it because it was so beautiful. And let me tell you, we had a good time.

I had a great time. Christy, my wonderful wife, had a great time. We had a great time together. I mean, we just bonded. It was amazing. We were taking photos with our family. And it was just a... Sounds like you're setting up a juxtaposition.

It was a milestone event for, in my relationship with my wife. It was just a bright shining beacon of what our relationship, it's what we aspire for it to be. You're saying this because you know that my wife and I had a misunderstanding while on the tour.

Yeah, it got pretty heated. I honestly do not remember exactly what the subject of the argument was. That just made it worse. Well, no. You didn't even learn your lesson. I don't know what you did, but I know you did something wrong and she was mad with you.

No, it was, I don't remember exactly what I said, but I said something that she took as me being critical. And she was like, you don't have to parent me or something like that. I think it was related to the taking of photos. No, no, no, that was, so no, see, we had an initial conversation. Oh.

That was about something I had like corrected her about and she got mad at me and then. I asked someone to take a photo. It was your fault. I didn't know you were already fighting. Now that I think about it, it was your freaking fault because I had made up. You know what I told her?

You know what I told her right before you did that? Look how angry you are. I told her, I said, I am not going to say one judgmental or critical thing for the rest of this trip. And then you catch up with us and I'm like, kids, gather around. Can somebody take our photo in front of the apostles?

It's so beautiful. And then? And then she was like, I'll do it. And I gave her my phone. She gets up there to take the photo. And here's honestly what I'm thinking at the time. I'm like, Link is super particular about photos. And I know exactly what you want in your photo.

I know how you want the headroom and the composition. You want this to be a special moment. And so she's volunteered to take, and again, this is why it's part of, it is a problem and I have contributed to it in our marriage. But what, this is why this is my fault? No, because I said, he's not gonna like that. And it was like reaching for the phone to take the picture.

And she looked at me and just, she may have given me the bird, I can't remember exactly what happened, but she got so mad and she just walked off. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. Because I had just said that I wasn't gonna do it anymore. And then you set me up, man. You set me, hold on.

Did you guys do it? Was it a setup for real? No, it wasn't. So I'm sitting there chasing after her thinking, I've got to make this right. And this is when Christy says that she actually told us later that she could see other couples, she was in a place where she could see

couples go past us and then get close to you guys. Yeah, because we were all walking back at this point. And Jessie and I were arguing and it was like, I was trying to apologize, but then I got mad because she wouldn't accept my apology. And we're just like mad at each other. And people like see us arguing and then they start talking about us

and you could hear the things that they were saying. Yeah, and then they would pass Christy and she would hear, man, they are really upset at each other. But the ironic thing is, or the beautiful thing is. That it was a great picture. That we got great pictures and my wife posted to her Instagram and Twitter, or at least her Instagram. She posted a picture of us, a family picture,

and she was like, life hack or tip or the day or whatever she said. Always remember no matter what you feel like or even if you're in the middle of a fight with your husband, smile in your picture so you can look back on this memory and not remember the argument or whatever. It was much more eloquent than what I just said. So she took this picture,

she like smiled this beautiful smile for the picture and then as soon as the picture had been taken, she was just back to it. Don't you ever do that to me. You don't parent me. I could figure out how to take a daggum photo on my own. Well, it's funny that you said ironically, and you were telling me your thing,

but also I thought you were gonna say ironically. The picture she took was a good picture. Oh, it was? I was happy with the picture, yeah. Oh, good, yeah, see, I have a problem, man. We actually continued? I was happy with the picture, yeah. Oh good, yeah, see I have a problem, man. We actually continued to work through that throughout the trip and it happens. Good thing that there was like another eight hours

in the trip. No, no, I mean. It took that long? I mean the trip, the vacation. Oh, three weeks. Because it is something, as she has pointed out multiple times, it's something that comes out while on vacation.

There's a special type of, you know, it's just the ingredients for family conflict. They all exist. What is it? Me, well, first of all, right from the beginning of the trip, because we see, I have travel anxiety in a way that she doesn't. So I'm the one who, I'm like the quintessential dad who gets the family to the airport 14 hours early,

you know what I'm saying? Like I'm like, get up everybody, we gotta get there, we're flying on Wednesday. You know, I have this anxiety, and I'm not typically an anxious person when it comes to a lot of things, but I get anxious about the parts of a trip that I feel that I actually have control over. So in other words, as soon as I get through security,

my heart rate goes way down because I don't care, I'm not nervous about flying because it's in somebody else's hands. If we're gonna freaking crash. But I do have the power to get to the airport, to make the right decisions about where we're gonna park or if we're gonna take an Uber. This is understandable, but how is this a problem?

It's a problem because she does not exhibit any sense of urgency or concern or anxiety at all about these things. And so what we kind of landed on is, what I end up doing is I get mad at her and she gets mad at me for caring and I get mad at her for not caring about these things and it just starts this tension that builds.

So. Well, you assume that she cares none just because she's not at a height, this frantic level that you are. Well, I tell her. And then you start to. Well, me and you have talked about this before when we work with people that we haven't worked with before,

and we don't, sometimes we might be somebody who's directing us or doing something and it's just like, they don't seem to understand the gravity of this in the way that we do. And it's not necessarily true, it's just some people don't express their anxiety in the same way. Me and you know when we're anxious about something. So yeah, it isn't that she doesn't care.

Anyway, I don't wanna get into a counseling situation, but we actually made some progress because what I communicated to her is that, okay, listen, I've got to learn to not be critical and to point things out and to be judgmental and let this tension build. And what she agreed to is to just not let it feel like it's all my responsibility for all these things

and for her to kind of go along for the ride, but she's actually going to, she sees that. I have to signal that I am concerned about these things and just an acknowledgement that I am concerned about getting to the airport on time or packing right before the last minute, that's enough to put me at ease. It's just an acknowledgement of it.

How does that apply to the picture though? No, I'm saying in general I can be critical but it starts when we travel. Oh. The tension is increased. You're on the edge. And so now you're on the edge and so any little thing like that

will just set one of us off. Yeah. But we got through it and by the time, I mean, first of all. And they both feel like you were parenting her is how she puts it. If it's like, don't take a picture that way or we gotta get to the airport, I get that.

Yes. What can I do to help? Well, next time you sense that that is happening. I didn't sense anything was happening. Don't ask either one of us to do anything. I just wanted a picture, man. Just do a selfie or get a stranger. Get a stranger.

Get a stranger, ask a stranger to take your photo. Then we went to Sydney and, I mean, we check in a hotel and then we walk a block and we're like, we're in the middle of a furry convention photo shoot. Yeah. Which was on our Instagram. Well, let's explain how this happened

because first of all, it was the most controversial Instagram photo ever posted to the Rhett and Link account based on the number of, the amount of debate in the comment section. Now, let's first walk. We walked up to the fountain at the nearest park, we're just strolling around, and everybody's in full head to toe mascot wear.

And we're, I mean, we immediately, I'm like, I've heard of furries. I saw an episode of CSI, the original, way back in the day featuring furries, one of which I think was dead and it was weird. But I never experienced furries in person. And you might have been able to decipher this based on the look on my face in the photo.

I know about the, I kinda know about- The rep? Yeah, the reputation that furries have built. Which is? That there's just some stuff, there's some stuff that goes on. You can look at the Wikipedia, you can look at the controversy side of furrydom

on the Wikipedia page. I'm not gonna go into the details. I'm not validating that, I'm not confirming that, I'm not denying that, I don't know anything about it, but I knew about their reputation in some circles. You're also not condemning it? That's, I don't, again, I don't know if it's a founded reputation.

I don't know anything about it, but I'm saying that as we were there, I was like, this will be funny. People will think that it's funny and it will start some comments if we take a picture with furries. And I'm like, as opposed to cool, people in full body suits, fur.

And I think a lot of people on Instagram account thought that we were just completely clueless and had no idea what we were doing. I'm not completely clueless, but you know. But let me tell you right now. As much as I seem, but most of the time. Lots of those furries were mythical beasts. I mean literally in one sense.

Which is enough for me, man. I'm in. Well I'm in, I'm not in. I mean I don't have a costume. I mean I will say that I did have one, I think she was a squirrel or something. I don't know what she was, but she was with her husband and she got a little-

Her husband was not in a suit. He was the photographer, a photographer. She got a little fresh with me. And I haven't used that term in a long time. So maybe you're not familiar with it. All I'm saying is that I was taking a picture with her and she really, she got up on me like I was a pole that she was holding onto in a tornado.

And that included- Well let's say a tree that contained her nuts. Yeah, and she got her leg up into a space and she really latched on right into my cranny. Ah gosh, I shouldn't. Don't do that. It was my nook actually. She put her knee in my nook.

And I was uncomfortable. Let's not say she. Let's say the squirrel. Because I think. Yeah, because it was a squirrel, I didn't mind. Maybe that's the whole thing. Maybe that's the secret to freedom. I do think that's what it is.

Hey, we're just animals. Who cares? Who cares if my wife puts her knee in your nook? She's just a squirrel. As long as the composition is good and you don't parent me into how to take the photo properly, I think this is a win-win. So we got some good traction on Instagram,

which is really all that matters. Mission accomplished. You guys fell for it. Yeah. You fell for it. Yeah. It's great. Sydney is different than Melbourne.

But you should see my suit, guys. Yeah, Link is now a furry. You'll never know which one he is, though. Sydney's different than Melbourne. It's a little bit bigger, not a lot bigger, but it is. More people smoke, publicly. Absolutely, it's a beautiful place. I mean, you know, you've got.

They got this thing called the Opera House. Oh yeah, you know about that. I actually thought it was really cool when I saw it. I was like, whoa, that's an amazing piece of architecture. It's beautiful, the bridge is beautiful. We'll talk about the bridge in a second. The whole harbor, the bay there, it is one of the most beautiful places that I've ever been.

Took a real boring walking tour right when we got there, so it doesn't always work out. I think that the density of Melbourne and just the fact that every single experience we had was so great there and while in Sydney, it was a little bit more hit or miss. It was kind of the difference, I don't know, it was a little more New York,

and I absolutely love New York, but it can feel a little bit like, and I guess LA's the same way, it just kind of feels like, there's so much here, I really don't know exactly what to do. It wasn't as distinct. It was more of a everything is there kind of a thing. Yes.

But we decided to do the bridge climb, which. Well, this was Jenna's thing, because I was the one making all the things, saying we should do this, we should do that, and Jenna kept bringing up this bridge climb and I kept saying, I don't know. I'm cool with it. I mean I knew Christy would not wanna do that,

so like I wasn't pushing it, but like every time I turned around, she mentioned that bridge climb. Then we finally did it and I'm glad we did. Oh it was a highlight. Christy didn't do it, but at one point on the bridge climb, the guy's taking photos all along, but at one point he says,

"'Now I'm gonna take a little video.'" I said, well, me and the kids got together and we took a little video, because they said, put it on Facebook, because they like to promote the bridge climb, I think. And we said, we gave Christy a message. We were just like, I got the kids to say, hey mom, miss you, wish you were here.

And I'm like, yeah, I bet this is gonna get me laid. That's what I was thinking. Oh, cool. Because that's my idea, you know, it's like, we're up here having the time of our lives, but we love you and we're only thinking about you. That's what it takes for you? You gotta climb to a fricking bridge and make a video?

No, but it helps. You know, you gotta always be thinking about it. Did it work? Yeah. Congratulations. I was like, hey, let me show you the photos we took today. Oh, here's a little video from the family. I was, it was my idea.

I was really thinking about you. You're really setting the standard pretty high. I wanted to be with you. I just want you to know. At the height, if she begins to- At the literal height of Sydney, I was only thinking about you. Just word to the wise though,

you don't want to necessarily set those expectations and set that standard in order for there to be... I got to scale something first. ...business time. You have got to do some sort of incredible display of your love. The bar's got to come back down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Along with me off the bridge climb. Highly recommended though, absolutely fascinating in the way that they have the engineering degrees that we still have that we don't use. There's a part of us that gets into this type of thing. The system that they have established that gets you onto this bridge climb in the way that everything is hooked to your body

on this onesie with all these hooks and then you hook into this thing and you're literally attached to this wire the entire time. And the entire time that you go all the way up to the top of the bridge and all the way back down. Because we should clarify that it's one huge arch. It is the longest single arc suspension bridge, I don't know, in the world.

Whatever, the type of bridge that it is is the longest single span. So at a certain point, you're literally walking along that top part, like the tallest point on the bridge. And we did the twilight, so we saw The sunset. The sunset at the peak of the bridge. And we did the twilight, so we saw The sunset. The sunset at the peak of the bridge.

Absolutely incredible. Now, one of the things I saw when we got to the place was that, you know, this is an operation that has been, they've been doing this for a while and they've got, it's a really incredible operation when you walk in and there's all these photos popping up on the screens of all the celebrities who have been on the bridge. And so.

Benedict Cumberbatch. You've got Will Ferrell and basically almost every actor or athlete that you can think of has been. Benedict Cumberbatch. Has been on this bridge and taken a picture. Now, this is one of those situations where we show up and I see all these pictures and I'm like, okay, this is my ego.

My ego sets in a little bit and I'm like, well, they know they got two world-class YouTubers up in the house right now. Oh yeah. You know? And I wanna be like, what will it take for us to get our picture up there in the Will Ferrell rotation?

Right. But of course, you can't be the one that says anything about it. And I'm not gonna like go tell Jenna to say something to him. So I just kinda, didn't say anything at all. And, but that was why, we weren't next to each other. We had like our families kind of in between us

or at least a couple of kids in between us. Cause once you pick an order that you're gonna latch on and go on the route, you can't change order because you're literally latched in an order. Right, and so, but I was like, on the off chance that at some point, someone who works at Bridge Climb might happen to,

figures out, oh, those guys are on YouTube. Let's take a picture of the two of us together. And that's where that picture of us in the onesies together came from. And listen, I haven't been back to Bridge Climb. I don't know if you guys have put us in the rotation. You don't have to. I mean, I'm happy. I'm happy as I am.

I don't need to be in the rotation to feel validated. We don't need high altitude validation. I mean, I've got cranny loop. I don't need your system. As I've already established, I got what I came for. Exactly. And my wife went- Had nothing to do with a screen.

My wife went with me. Hmm. You should have. Also, my youngest son got sick. Remember that part? Yeah, like, coming down, all of a sudden, I realized every time we stopped, he'd just kneel. He'd just start, he'd take a knee.

And he- Like, why is Shepherd taking a knee? And every time we stopped, I thought, he's queasy. Is it because we're climbing? We were high up. It was scary at first. But he's not, you know, he's not, he doesn't, that's not his disposition.

He's not one to be shaken in that way. So I was like, hopefully this is not something worse. Turns out it was something worse. And that's why he was actually sick. And that's why I had to stay home with him the next day when you guys took the trip. Next day we did another day trip out to the Blue Mountains. It was freaking beautiful out there.

There's like these vertical ravines and you can go on all these different. Don't build it up too much, I didn't get to go. Make it seem worse than it was. Transportation devices that take you on these amazing beautiful scenic routes. It's pretty awesome. that take you on these amazing beautiful scenic routes. It's pretty awesome. But it wasn't that great, was it?

It was great. It was so great, Rhett. But it wasn't like a highlight of the trip. It was a highlight, man. I mean, at one point, I'll tell you this, we went into this, they called it a cultural presentation, but it was- Oh, I missed a cultural presentation?

It was an aboriginal information session slash dramatization. There's a lot of isations in that. And they talked about, well, they put on this dramatization where the guy, he reenacted the discovery of the didgeridoo, like wind flowing through a hollow log that made a noise and then he picked it up and started learning how to play it.

And then this guy. That's how it happened? I mean, that's what they say. Legend has it. Legend has it. And then he starts playing a didgeridoo in this small little theater. And it was amazing, man. Like, I didn't anticipate that watching a guy

masterfully play the didgeridoo 11 feet in front of me could bring me to the verge of tears, but it did. It's amazing. And then the way that he, they developed ways to mimic different wildlife in the Outback. With the didgeridoo? With the didgeridoo.

Talking about all different types of birds and all types of stuff, man. It was amazing and artful and really cool. But it wasn't a can't miss. It wasn't a can't miss. I would not have missed it if I were me or you. But you did miss it. And then after that.

I watched Shepard watch Cartoon Network all day and he literally watched the same episode of some show four times. We went to a wildlife- Can't miss, it was a can't miss experience. Sanctuary and you could feed kangaroos, just walk up to them and feed them, which you can also do at Disney World,

but don't worry about that. Yeah, you can do that at Disney World. They can do that in Florida, that's where I'll do it. I was at point blank range with some koalas, and they smell funny. And then. Like how? Like weird. Like a musk?

Like a eucalyptus musk kind of situation. That actually sounds like a great fragrance. But it is not. I'm gonna start adding that to cranny lube. You could pay extra to feed the koalas and the kangaroos, which we did, and then you go into the next section and there's like wombats, which are like

god awfully huge gerbils. I'm talking about like a pig sized guinea pig. Really cute. Gerbil. Based on the pictures, of course, I haven't seen him in person. Mixed with like a beaver in the face a little bit. There's signs everywhere.

We bite. You look, any direction you look, there's a sign that says, we bite. Do not feed the wombats. Well, and let me give you my perspective on this because I get a text from my wife with a picture of my son holding his hand up and it says, Locke got bit by a wombat.

Locke tried to feed the wombat. Turns out they bite. Who would have known? Aggressively. I didn't see it happen, but I mean, I saw blood. Like I saw evidence of an altercation. It drew blood. Like, I'm talking about on the path.

I'm talking about, I didn't know, I was like, I just, I walk up to Wombat Station, and I see blood, don't see Locke, and I'm like, and then I start looking for Locke because he's the best candidate for that. Yeah, he had a couple of accidents. I mean, you're feeding kangaroos, then there's a wombat, you know,

you don't look at signs, okay, whatever. I keep throwing your family under the bus, mainly you and your son, but I got a story, I'll throw Lando under the bus in a little bit, because we haven't even gotten to Fiji. I mean this is. Fiji, yeah. Fiji, we should move to that. So we did our shows, we patched up the kids

who needed patching up, Locke, namely. Yeah. And we left Australia thinking we will come back. I mean it's just, it's like the greatest place on Earth as far as we're concerned. I'm really interested in going into the outback. Like I wanna do like an off-roading thing. Yeah, well.

Like I wanna do, I want us to do a race with Hamish and Andy where we see who can get across the continent first. Of course we'll cheat. Because we ain't got time to actually do it. They're gonna win without a doubt. But yeah, I'll say that we went in the peak of winter, which first of all is really mild in Australia,

at least where we were. The weather was incredible. I would like to go back in the summer. Lots of people said go back in the summer so we can like experience the beaches in the way that they are intended to be experienced. But I'm gonna say that I've been to some incredible places. It was also the fact that we got to experience

multiple cities and we got to be there for an extended period of time. That helps. Yeah, that was cool. But I gotta say that it is my favorite vacation. Favorite vacation, favorite place that I've ever visited. And I haven't been a whole lot of places, but right now, on my list,

Australia is my favorite place on Earth. It was my favorite place, and I think, it was my favorite trip because we did such intense sightseeing in, I mean, we only spent one day in Brisbane. That's where we got to chicken parm and did the show. Family didn't come then we flew back to Sydney where they were.

But it was intense, active sightseeing and just out on its own would have just been exhausting. So the fact that we had five full days in Fiji, oh man, that just really, that was, I love the arrangement of going hard for sightseeing and then going light. Yes. With just on the beach.

Just sprawl out and let it happen to you. Let Fiji happen to you. And you know, since you encouraged me to thank you for the excursions, of which one I didn't get to go on. Thank you for choosing this. The stopping in Fiji. Brilliant! And picking the specific place. That was based on research.

Always been obsessed with islands. Islands are my absolute favorite thing. If there's a long, awkward pause in our life, he's probably gonna bring up an island. Well the funny thing is, now I'm beginning to see, I'm really into nooks and crannies and I'm really into islands and I got to experience both. Is there an island full of nooks and crannies?

Because that would be absolutely incredible. We flew into Fiji on the mainland and then we took what they call a speed boat, just a really fast boat that still took 30 minutes to go. It was dark, so it was hard to tell exactly what we passed. Some islands, and then we went to the island called Castaway Island, which is basically,

I don't know if that's the proper name of the island, but it's the name of the resort on the island, which is the only resort on the island, which at low tide, just to give you an idea how big the island is, you could hike all the way around the island in an hour. So it's pretty small. It's the only resort on the island

and there's like 60 individual huts where you can stay. That's all, that's the extent of the island. When we were planning this trip, first of all, Fiji has over 300 islands, and I've always wanted to stay on an island that small. I felt like I was stranded, right? You think it might be the huts on stilts that are over the ocean water, but that's like Bora Bora.

That's not Fiji. Well, there are, we did pass some. There were a few. There's some, but that's not really what it's known for. But the travel agent that we were using actually was like, well, you guys have got kids, you probably should do a resort on the mainland, because they're gonna get bored or whatever.

And I was like, listen, I don't know if we're ever gonna go back to this place. I want to do, I don't care how bored the kids get, I want to live like Robinson Crusoe on an island that I can walk around. And that's why we chose this place. want to live like Robinson Crusoe on an island that I can walk around. And that's why we chose this place. And so the boat pulls up to the island and the guy is like, it's gonna be a wet landing.

And we're like, ha ha ha ha. And then we realized that there's no dock. The boat, and we had all our luggage, the boat just pulls up to the sandy beach. Yeah, like two foot of water. And we have to literally take our shoes off and roll our jeans up and walk into the ocean to get onto the island because there was not a dock.

I mean, that's how island this island is. But there's resorts on all of these little islands because they're all protected by a barrier reef from huge surf, so there's not surf crashing on any of these beaches. It's like totally swimmable, just mild. It still got windy, but there wasn't the waves crashing on the beaches ever, especially on the side of the island

where we were luxuriating. especially on the side of the island where we were luxuriating. I mean, I've never, it's just the best place I've ever stayed, man. Well, it's like you stay in this hut. You see these postcards. And then you walk onto the beach. Like, I'm obsessed with islands,

but I like see these postcards or these pictures on the internet, and I'm just like, ah, I mean, we've been to Hawaii and Hawaii's incredible and beautiful. Yeah. But at least the parts that we went to, it wasn't like that picturesque beach with the palm trees and the hammock,

but that's what this was. It was like that. And it wasn't just palm trees. There were all types of trees that grew right up to the beach and then the huts were like in there. It was just really amazing. It was perfect, man. It's everything I hoped for.

So then I'm like, I'm sitting on my lounge chair. I got my little drink from the bar that I just walked down there to. And then I'm in the shade because I don't like to sit in the sun and then I'm like, you know, I'm getting kind of cold. I'm just gonna go out there on the sand and I'm just gonna splay out and I'm just gonna get warm.

I'll come right back to my seat. Next thing I know, I'm plastered all over Instagram. Shout out to the Red MC Instagram account, that's mine. And shout out to Link Lamont, who does not activate his Instagram account ever. And that's why I put him on my Instagram. Although I do tag your account, you're welcome. Thank you.

So I mean, how am I supposed to put stuff on my own Instagram account if I'm sleeping? It's like I'm sleeping, dude. Yeah, so. I've got better things to do than social media-ize. I have noticed that Link strikes a very particular pose when sleeping while traveling, usually it's the mouth open. And I like to get pictures of that

and post it on my Instagram, but then when I saw him splayed out on the beach, I was like, this is a whole new thing. I'm gonna make this into like an artistic photo set. Did you know I was asleep at first? Yeah, either that or dead. You could tell. Yeah. Because I'd been there a while.

I mean, you had not moved in minutes, definitely. It was a little odd. I mean, seeing the photos that you took, and there were, plural. Yeah, I basically just moved towards him. I didn't realize how odd it was. And kept taking pictures. And of course, my wife and your wife

were watching this whole thing happen. And then I used the, okay, interesting tidbit about this place, no TVs, no internet. So it was really legitimately off the grid. Now there was internet at the office area. So you could go up to this restaurant and get on the internet,

but the internet was slow and not reliable. As is evidenced by the fact that it took me 30 minutes to post that photo set, but I just sat there waiting for it to happen, because I knew that it was gonna make a lot of people happy. Oh yeah, totally worth it, totally worth it, thank you. Thank you for posing. Thank you, it was a pleasure to be your muse once again.

And we also, because you need to tell that story about Lando, but. Okay, yeah. We went to, now it's called Castaway Island and a lot of people, a lot of travel agents, including the one that we used, incorrectly think that the island that we stayed on is the island where they filmed the movie Castaway.

Well. Starring Tom Hanks. First of all, they do have supposedly the paddle that Tom Hanks used on his raft in the bar in the restaurant, but it's just like up there and it says Tom Hanks paddle from Castaway, 2000. And if kids act up or get too rambunctious,

they take it down and they paddle with it. Yeah, well actually Tom Hanks shows up. He shows up and he does it. He lives in a hut. You can actually see the real Castaway Island, the Modriki they call it, or Monoriki, it's got two different names. It's about 10 miles from the island that we stayed at

and you can see it basically as you're on the beach right there in front of the hut that we were staying in. Unless you're sleeping. And we had signed up to take a boat trip to the island for a day. That was super cool because there's nothing- This is why we watched this movie with our kids this year because we knew we were gonna go.

There's nothing on that island. I mean, you could probably, I don't know, you can't hike around that island with the way that the water hits the beach, the way that it's built. It is smaller than the island that we stayed on, probably half the size. But it's taller.

Yes. And I really couldn't tell, there's the scene where he tries to end his life at the top of the island. I really couldn't make the connection with the landscape that that was actually shot there. There was a couple of places that looked like candidates. But the main thing that we were struck by,

so the first thing we did, we get on the island. First of all, the Fiji attitude towards everything is kind of like, I'm not gonna give you any warnings about things. I'm not gonna tell you guys what you can't do. There are no rules. These guys just took us on a boat to this island. We're the only people on the island

and the kids just immediately, we're all wearing like water shoes, you know, like reef shoes. Because we are cool. And they just, yeah, just as a fashion statement, they just start hiking up the island and we're just going through the palm trees and then going up into the woods

and then up to the top of the island as far as we could get. But then we came back down and got that, shout out to the Rhett and Link Instagram, we got the, we were like, let's come up with a post that we can do because they've got like the help me in the sand, you know. Yeah, I think we may have implied with the photo

that we arranged the coconuts to spell help me, full disclosure, Ear Biscuit-eer, because you're an insider, we found it that way. They do that, that's just part of the thing and also the volleyball is something they give you when you go on the tour. It's something that Spalding sells. You could go online.

Wilson sells it. Wilson. Because if Spalding sold it, that would kind of sort of go against the whole thing. What if you got the generic. Because if Spalding sold it, that would kind of, that would sort of go against the whole thing. What if you got the generic Wilson sold by Spalding? Spalding! It doesn't work quite as well, does it? No.

I wonder if Wilson paid for that. I don't know, it was a different time. Anyway, we tweeted and we Instagrammed at Tom Hanks because he's like, you know, he's a social media guy. He signs everything with Hanks. And then he responded. Not, he responded not. To finish that sentence.

No, he didn't respond. Yeah, he did not respond or he responded not. I'm just, I'm using 2000, like 2000 terms. Well, if he would have responded with not, I would have been very happy. Not. When we left the island on the way back, he said, do you wanna go snorkeling?

They took us to this special place to go snorkeling. And I had what, I had almost an existential experience snorkeling over this reef in in pristine waters. Christy told me later that she was so moved emotionally by how great the snorkeling was that she started crying inside of her snorkel. And let me just say, I am-

Tears of joy. I am so happy that you both enjoyed the snorkeling to such a degree. We had never snorkeled in such pristine waters with elevation changes like that. But the interesting thing was, I had a really great snorkeling experience in Hawaii where there were like large sea turtles and big fish

and it was like, it was awesome. You cried in your scuba? And so, but and this was great. In fact, I think that the coral side of it and like the vastness and the freedom and the fact that we were the only ones there. Yeah. All made it incredible.

And I absolutely loved it. I have a little bit of a complaint with my beard. It's like, I don't get a good seal so I can't stay down as long, whatever. But you guys were so into it that there was a part of me that was like, what am I missing? Like your wife came up and said she'd been crying and then we're like, where is Link?

And you were just gone. Like you were a couple of hundred yards away from the boat just continuing on in one line and I was like, what is happening with Link? You think I was never coming back? Well, I thought I was about to become an Aquaman. I thought, okay, I thought what had happened was you talked about how you have a little bit of a phobia with the water and like going and holding your breath

and going under and that kind of thing. Yeah, I do. And I thought that you were like dealing with like a personal fear and you were like, I'm gonna go as far away from the boat as possible as like a personal exercise. And that's why I was like, look at him go. I was like, look at him go.

He's like, he's dealing with his phobia and he's so far, like if he gets pulled under by a shark or we can't help him, we're so far from him, but he doesn't care because he's overcoming his fear. But no, you were just enjoying yourself. I was really just enjoying myself, but I did decide that I think to fully conquer my fear of being underwater, I'd like to do scuba.

Yeah. So that snorkeling experience was amazing. It was a highlight of my entire life. Because for the first time I was introduced into perfect conditions, another world. So it was a first for me in that way. In sharp contrast to the two days before where we signed up for our first snorkel, I can't speak anymore.

Let's just end it. When we signed up for our first snorkeling expedition, we had to take, the wind was up and we went to the outer reef. Yeah. Very rough to get out there. And then we start jumping out of the boat and I'm concerned about Lando

because this is the first time he's snorkeled, not ever, but on this trip. Well, and these conditions, I mean, as somebody who I feel really confident in the water, like I was not confident about that many people getting out of that boat in those conditions. Like I was really uneasy because it was super wavy. As soon as the boat stopped, I started getting seasick because it was sort of like a side wobble

kind of thing happening, and then when I got into the water, I got even more seasick because the waves were that high. So I was like, hmm, I don't know how this is gonna go for the kids. Half of us jumped out and then they told us all to scramble back into the boat because we had to go to a different place. So there was a little bit of panic at the beginning.

We get back in and then the instructor reiterates the instructions and I'm sitting beside Lando, I'm like, Lando, I'm gonna jump in, then you're gonna jump into me and we're gonna snorkel together and mom's gonna come with us and then we're gonna follow the group and do what they say, we're gonna all stay together,

because he had this nervous look on his face, especially having jumped in and having to immediately come back in the boat, scramble back in. And the instructor's saying, okay, so remember the hand signals. Thumbs up means everything's okay. Stay with the group,

so you can give the thumbs up if you're cool. But if you want to come back to the boat, just wave. Just wave like you're waving goodbye. We jump in the ocean again and Lando jumps to me and he gets this look on his face and he's like in pain. And then I actually start getting bit on the leg. It turns out it's like ocean fleas, I think is what they're called.

Ocean lice is what they call it. Ocean lice. I don't know. Boy, that sounds pleasant, doesn't it? I'm gonna have those for the rest of my life now. I think it's little jellyfish or something, I don't know. They bite you and it does hurt, and he was particularly sensitive to it and was being a bit more, and he got upset.

And Lando, I mean, he's eight. When he gets upset, sometimes he goes full throttle upset. And I mean, he had a life jacket on. I did not have a life jacket on. Christy had a life jacket halfway on so she could have freedom but get it if she wanted it. She gets in the boat but she gets out of the boat and she's swimming somewhere else.

And then Lando just basically gets really upset and he's like starting to hurt and he starts, he starts just saying, I gotta get out of here and I'm like trying to calm him down, trying to calm down and then I'm like right in his face and I'm like, Lando, you're gonna be okay and I'm like rubbing his leg where he got bit and I'm like, it's gonna be fine, they'll stop you, get used to it,

just start swimming with us and I'm like trying to talk him, talk him back into being calm and then all of a sudden, he's like, I could just see the look on his face. He just made the decision. He was like, screw you, Dad. I am not staying in this ocean. He didn't say that out loud, but then he turned toward the boat,

and he just started waving and yelling, goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! And the whole group was like, what? He thinks his life is ending. He certainly was acting like his life was ending, but he thought the instructor was saying,

if you wanna get back in the boat, wave goodbye, which to him also meant scream repeatedly. Because you're not gonna. Goodbye! Because it's over for you. Goodbye, life! You're never getting back in the boat. I've enjoyed it while I've been here.

Goodbye to everyone I love. Goodbye to Australia and the rest of the world. I'm going down with the ocean lights. I saw this from a distance. But then you- I couldn't hear the goodbye, but I saw the waving and I was like. Screaming goodbye. Uh-oh. Christy comes over there.

He did the exact same thing to her. She couldn't talk him down, but then we teamed up and we kept turning to the guy and we're like giving him the thumbs up. We're like, we calmed him down, you know what? I said, and then lo and behold, he snorkeled with us for the rest of the duration of that excursion, which wasn't that long, because it was choppy,

but he didn't go back in the boat. He didn't go back in the boat. And I was like, you know what, Lando? I'm so proud of you. You did it, buddy. You had courage and you overcame your fear. And then two days later, I overcame my fear and I swam like Aquaman. It was a growth experience for my entire family.

And that first trip was not, there was nothing to see, man. There was really nothing to see. Nothing to see. It was kinda cloudy, it was a little too deep. Except everyone else watching Lando. I think that's the only thing they saw. All in all, a tremendous, yeah, I agree. I think the combination, the one-two punch of Australia

and then luxurious Fiji was just a brilliant combo. I mean, taking the longest vacation we've ever taken after not taking one for, a proper one for years, I feel like, it feels good, man. I'm so glad we did it. Our kids don't, they don't know how to appreciate it. Yeah, you kinda have to just. Let's not even get into that.

Yeah, you kinda just have to get over it. Why am I gonna end on that note? Forget I even said that. Well, you know, because in one sense, we don't appreciate it either. No. I mean, the thing is- Well, I just said I appreciated it.

No, no, yeah, you do, but what I'm saying is that- But I don't. Think about what happened with, like, think about what happened with the Fiji trip. Think about how excited we were when we got off that boat and they escorted us to that table and gave us our drink and gave us our food and we had that fish curry, the very first meal.

That was peak. And I was like, and I told you, I was like, this is the best place I've ever been. Like, but my expectations were so high. And we talked about this. We talked about this on a previous podcast about you can't have these expectations. But right or wrong, by the last day.

I'm ready to go home. Kinda ready to go home. I'm ready to go home. It was a combination of the fact that it was a small place and that you basically were eating at the same place over and over again. I just miss Jade so much, man. I had to, I literally had to take her,

she's my, the wallpaper on my phone, she's my screensaver. I literally had to take her off my phone. I just couldn't bear it. All right. Was she that happy to see you? Yeah, I think so. You sure she didn't forget you? No.

I don't know, I saw the way she was looking at you the other day and it seemed like. Suspicious? It seemed like it was a new man. Anyway, highly recommended if you're gonna do that trip. I definitely recommend going to Australia. We're gonna go back at some point. Now, I don't know when that's going to happen.

A lot of people ask things like, well, you guys seem to kind of indicate that you were going to go back next year. We didn't say we're going to go back next year. We don't know what we're going to do. Just know that we don't keep anything. We don't keep anything from you. If we're going to do something,

as soon as the plans are something that you can rely on, we let you know. Stay tight. I don't know when we'll be back and I don't know exactly what cities we'll go to, but we had such a good time. We have every intention to return. In the meantime, use hashtag Ear Biscuits

to continue the conversation with us. I'm trying to prioritize. I know you do a good job of this for the most part, just to have, continue the conversation on Twitter. So let's do that, hashtag Ear Biscuits. And also, share this episode with someone who has yet to listen to an episode of Ear Biscuits. That makes a big deal.

Maybe somebody who- I'm gonna make a big deal out of it. Maybe somebody who likes to travel. Maybe somebody who's been to Australia. Maybe an Australian. Maybe a Fijian. Maybe somebody who's always thought about how much they like nooks and crannies or islands.

There's lots of reasons that you could share this particular episode. Thank you for doing that. We'll speak at you next week