Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 172: Is Thanksgiving Better Without Family? | Ear Biscuits Ep. 172
Episode Date: December 3, 2018Dessert karaoke or gas station card games? How would you rather spend your Thanksgiving? Rhett and Link compare how they spent their Thanksgivings this year to determine how they'd prefer to spend the... holiday in the future. Sponsored By:Pocket: visit the Android/IOs App Stores, or getpocket.com to download for freeHelloFresh: Visit HelloFresh.com/EAR60 and enter promo code ear60 for $20 off your first 3 boxesSpotify: Download the free app and start listening to podcasts on Spotify (including Ear Biscuits!) today. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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This, this, this, this is Mythical.
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Now on with the biscuit.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link.
And I'm Rhett.
This week at the round table of dim lighting,
we are exploring the question,
is Thanksgiving better without family?
Oh, what, oh, really?
Or is it better with family?
Because it's kind of like a science experiment.
We've got a control group and an experimental group
because I went home to visit my family.
I haven't told you much about it.
So we're gonna catch up.
And you stayed behind.
And I haven't told you much about it.
And you haven't told me much about it.
So I wanna figure this out.
This is a legitimate question.
First time ever that I went home for Thanksgiving actually.
So I guess previous years are in form,
I can experiment within my own family
of being with them or not for Thanksgiving.
That is a good point.
Yeah, there was some strategy that went into it
and now on the backside of it,
let's figure that out.
Let's see what social science has to say.
Not really, let's just see what we have to say.
And before we get into that, I had an experience
that I wanted to tell you about.
Is that right?
As you know, you are a massage aficionado.
Yeah, and in my next life, I'm gonna be,
or in retirement, I guess, or tomorrow,
if I really get fed up with this place,
I'm gonna be a massage critic.
Right, the first ever.
Like a restaurant critic, I'm gonna roll into places.
You're gonna have a blog.
And I'm gonna have like a well-written assessment,
very detailed, about the massage I've gotten.
Massageexpert.blogspot.com.
You might think that, well, Link, that's Yelp.
And you might be right, but you would be wrong
because I don't get paid to write on Yelp.
And I would get paid to do this.
Right, yeah, it's a booming business waiting to happen.
So yeah, I fancy myself very into massages,
receiving them.
And I, you know, interestingly,
I think I'm just as much,
massageexpert.blogspot.com, it is a website.
Of course it is, Link, you're gonna have to buy it
from that person. It's my website!
The site where you can find anything about massage!
Exclamation point. Oh.
Hasn't been updated since when?
2000, 2009.
2009, okay, all right.
I think you can get in for low, low price.
I enjoy massage as well.
I venture to say I enjoy massage as much as you,
but I have not been as aggressive
in scheduling my own massages.
I enjoy massage so much that two years ago
when my in-laws asked my wife,
what can you get for the guy who has everything?
Oh gosh.
What can you get for the guy who has a putting green
at his house?
What can you get for the douche?
What can we get for your douche bag husband?
Now this is two years ago, you didn't have a putting green.
Not yet, yeah.
But you were a douche.
And Jessie said, you know what would be really douchey?
By the way, I don't wanna ever use that word again.
I don't like it.
You don't wanna say douche.
I think it's wrong on a bunch of levels.
The word douche is something you don't wanna say.
Can we come up with another word
because this is a running gag
but I just wanna use a different word.
What is douche backwards?
I'm uncomfortable with it.
Shoed?
What is douche backwards?
I gotta write it down.
Look, look how douchey this is.
I realized that I had so much merch on
and then I realized if I did this.
I gotta actually write this.
Ech-quad, ech-ude, E-H-C-U-O-D.
Hey, look at this.
Ech-quod, ech-uod.
What if I seriously did this?
Now for those of you just listening,
I rolled my sleeves up and I got my hat on backwards.
For those of you listening, you've made a great choice.
I think is what we're at.
All right, he's being a- Do not watch the video.
An equad, equad.
This is, this, in fact-
Keep going with your story.
I would like people to take a screenshot of this
and then put equad underneath it.
Don't put me in the screenshot.
Well actually you can put me in.
I'm doing it in my camera.
Oh. I got one in my camera and I got one into put me in. I'm doing it in my camera. Oh.
I got me, I got one in my camera
and I got one into the wide camera.
You can't get out of that.
Equal.
So your in-laws ask Jesse what could they give you
and apparently you said a gift certificate for a massage
or do you want your in-laws to give you a massage?
Like both of them.
Well that was my first request.
I wanted a four-hander.
That's what they call that.
No they don't.
It is, I see.
Can you get a massage from two people at once?
It's called a four-hand massage.
I think that's called being a monarch.
No, four-hand, I know it sounds like some weird thing
you'd find on Urban Dictionary but that's,
I've literally seen.
No, don't lie to my face with that hat.
Anyway, I.
Good idea though.
I requested.
I bet it cost over twice as much money.
I requested a, I said.
I wonder if.
Okay, thanks for letting me.
Yeah, I just feel like we're on to something.
Can you call a massage place.
Massageexpert.blogspot to something. Can you call a massage place?
Massageexpert.blogspot.com.
Can you call a massage place and say,
I would like a deep tissue massage for 90 minutes
and I want two people?
Can you do that?
Yeah, they say it's double the price.
Maybe they say it's, you know, maybe it's, you know,
1.5 the price, I don't know.
Let's find out, make a call.
You guys, that could be your first blog.
But guess what happened when I called
and asked for a four-hander.
I'm gonna do it.
All right, I'm gonna do it.
So anyway, Jesse said he likes massage
and what that turned into is them getting me gift certificates
to several massage places.
And of course, not being from here.
Several massage places. they did not necessarily calculate
the distance from where I'm at in town.
Oh, okay, yeah.
And where these massage places were
and it would require a special trip, basically.
And so I haven't gotten, I haven't done it.
But when you went home for Thanksgiving,
you went home on a Sunday or Monday or something.
And so I was here.
Sunday, yeah.
And I would like you to know I did work.
I did work as much as my wife would let me.
Just trying to get ahead, man.
But the first day of Thanksgiving vacation,
I was like, you know what, the Redster needs some me time.
And the Redster needs to go across town
and get one of these massages.
You were putting into practice our last conversation.
Which I've thought a lot about, by the way.
And so I go to this Thai massage place on the east.
In Thailand?
On the west side. That far?
No, it's just on the west side.
And it was, so I would not have been able to tell you
exactly what Thai massage was,
even though now I realize I've had one before.
Now that I've gone back, I'm like, oh, so now I understand.
So I went to this place that was just really,
I mean a really cool, like, I felt like I was,
it was kind of just in the, not a strip mall,
but it was just on an office block in Santa Monica,
but when you walked in, it was just like,
oh, I've been trans, I've been.
Transylvania?
Transported into this rainforest cafe.
Really, in Disneyland.
Yeah.
But the woman said, put this T-shirt and these pants on,
and they were Thai fisherman pants,
and she was like, do you know how to put those on?
I was like, yeah buddy, yeah I do, I got a pair at home.
I've Googled that.
And I've watched the YouTube video on how to do that,
so yes, I know how to do it.
And so I was like, oh this is interesting,
because I was planning on getting naked.
Underwear underneath the tie pants?
Yeah, no, no, I know because I've got pants on.
Right.
And then I go back out into the area.
Until you don't.
No, you don't take them off,
you leave them on the whole time.
Oh.
That's what I'm getting into is the massage area
is basically communal.
So not massage tables, but massage pads.
No hole for your face, so you're not face down,
you're face to the side.
Or just face in the pillow suffocating yourself.
Are these pads on the floor like
kindergartners taking naps?
Well they were, yeah they were all on the floor.
I mean it was like an elevated deck area
with a bunch of curtains so that you could curtain off
the different places, but there were multiple massages
going on and you basically could kinda see and hear
the other people who were around you
and you left all this on.
And then the reason that the massage happens on the floor
is because this woman proceeded to do a yoga routine
on my back.
In fact, she may have just been doing her yoga routine.
It may have had nothing to do with massaging me at all.
Maybe it was just a scheduling conflict
and it was just a woman who showed up for yoga
and just was on top of me the whole time.
Awesome.
So listen, I have had one of these.
Which was awesome, by the way.
I think it was an early GMM episode.
Oh, those don't matter. I think we was an early GMM episode.
Oh those don't matter. I think we both had and talked about massages
where women would stand on our backs
and hold on the bars on the ceiling
and then walk on your back and give you a massage
with their full body weight because they weighed like 80.
And so that is Thai massage.
But technically the being on the floor makes it authentic.
Oh, and with the curtains,
did you say that they pulled a curtain around
so that no one could see this happening
or was it a spectator sport?
For privacy, yeah, they pulled it around.
Okay, so you couldn't see anyone else getting walked on.
Right, but I knew that it was happening.
It was like an operating room.
But the thing that was notable about this was.
With curtains.
It was the most painful massage I have ever received.
Now I've had some painful massages.
I usually tell people go as hard as you possibly can,
I'll let you know if you need to let up.
Oh yeah.
And never before have I told somebody to let up.
Me neither. I've just taken it.
Me neither.
You know, but this woman was poking and prodding me
with her full body weight and it would get to a place
where it was like all the weight,
I could have sworn she was balancing on an elbow
is how it felt.
On like your mid back?
She would be the mid back, the low back,
the shoulders, now first of all,
there was all this stuff happening and I was going,
as she would really dig in, I would go,
oh, and that would be like the first signal
that like this is painful.
Was that, did you do that consciously
or did it eek out as she pressed on you?
It started involuntarily and then it became
like a code, a language.
So.
Well you know everyone can hear that through the sheet.
I didn't care.
It hurt so bad I couldn't stop.
Wow.
But here's the thing, after a few times of going,
I was like, hold on, does that sound like I'm enjoying it?
Well, I can answer that and the answer is yes.
And then my follow up statement is,
I don't wanna hear it again.
Okay, well, you're gonna hear more than that
because I gotta keep going, I gotta tell you
the whole language.
You were thinking.
I gotta teach you the whole language.
You were inventing the language.
I invented the language.
So after about 10 minutes of going,
Oh. Really? I invented the language. So after about 10 minutes of going, oh.
Really?
I realized that she may think that I'm digging this.
But you weren't.
She was digging me, man.
She was digging into me.
Digging into you, yeah.
And I knew that it was helping.
You know what I'm saying?
Like she would get on a knot, I could feel her on a knot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And she's working that knot and I'm like,
you gotta work that knot, you gotta work my booty knot.
She didn't really work the booty knot.
She would just work the muscle knots.
Love the way you work my booty knot.
And um.
I'm tight.
There was one. I'm so stressed.
There was one time where she was so into the shoulders.
Need someone to work my chest.
That I was like, I'm gonna have to change the language up.
And at that point I was just like, oh!
Really?
Oh now!
You said oh now.
I was like, I gotta move beyond mm's,
and I gotta go oh!
What about, how about just wait!
Oh now?
I was like oh, yeah, because I was like,
because I thought that the next.
Oh now, too far.
That's the rectum.
What, I mean it seems.
No, man, it was on the shoulder.
Oh okay.
The next part was gonna be stop.
I didn't wanna say that, you know,
you don't wanna do that.
Stop!
So I thought oh, and then at that point she was like, is this hurting you?
And I was like, yeah, a little bit.
You know, it was like, yes, I feel like I'm about to die.
I didn't say that.
Now you had given her the speech,
go for it and I'll let you know if it's too much.
No, no, because I saw what was happening,
I was like, this is gonna be painful.
You didn't say anything.
Let me tell you, by the time this was over,
she had done a couple of things where,
she did this one thing where she sat on my shoulders
like I was about to take her on a piggyback ride.
She's like, okay, now stand up.
Let's get out of here.
What did she think?
I gotta reach something on the top shelf
in the back room.
Is she gonna say, get up,
and I'm just supposed to go?
But what she was doing is.
It's like Yoda with Luke Skywalker, man.
She was sitting on top of me,
and I was sitting with my legs crossed in front of me,
and then she sat on my back and folded me down.
Oh no.
And I was like, and I, you know, I'm just so prideful.
I'm just so prideful.
I can't tell people that that shouldn't happen to me.
You know?
And so she folds me in half and then she's like,
you're so flexible.
And then I'm thinking, well, not really.
I'm just too prideful to say
that you are breaking me in half.
Like I'm going to have to go to a doctor.
Thankfully my back is in very good shape now compared to.
I mean, especially with your back, I'm surprised.
Well, first of all, my back is in great shape.
So I actually. Until that.
I mean, you don't. No, no, no.
I would have stopped her if I really thought
that something was gonna happen with my back.
You were sitting crisscross applesauce
and then she put your nose into the mat?
Yeah, but I am flexible.
I'm very flexible. Okay, okay.
And you're prideful and you're doing, okay, yeah.
No, but I've been told by many people now,
so flexible, my physical, my personal trainer.
You know who you sound like, right?
I'm so flexible.
Many people tell me how flexible I am.
No, well that's not like saying
I'm the humblest person I know.
I'm just saying that I'm proud of myself
and the flexibility I've gained
and I've done it for the sake of my back
and it actually has been very helpful for my life
and for my Thai massage experiences
so I don't have to say, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't ride me like a horse.
But when she said, am I hurting you, you said yes.
I said you could go a little easier.
You made it about her.
Yeah and then she said.
You're not doing it right.
And then she said don't die.
Don't die.
Yeah she'd said that but she was kind of being funny.
Don't die.
Anyway I felt incredible coming out of there
and I felt like I don't know if I can do this again
because I do think I was preoccupied
with being injured the whole time.
Was it a high, it sounds like a high end place.
Yeah, yeah, it was, it was very high end.
Yeah, yeah, it wasn't one of these strip mall locations
that the cops might show up at any point.
It wasn't one of those.
It was, this is legit, man.
This is legit.
I got a T after I got done and everything.
I've had T.
Lots of people have had T.
I'm tempted to go there,
because that seems like a good.
Well, there's one on the east side as well.
You could be a guest blogger on my site.
Guest post from Red MC.
Oh no.
You can have audio files of my massage language.
Proven to work.
Proven to work at one time massage.
Whoa now.
Whoa.
Wow.
Oh goodness.
So that's it man, that's my massage, thanks for asking.
Dang, man, snapped you in half.
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The annual flood of year end best of lists is almost here.
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Now, on with the biscuit.
I decided, well it was a long,
actually many years went into when is the Christmas
that we're not gonna go home, but we're gonna stay here in Los Angeles went into when is the Christmas
that we're not gonna go home, but we're gonna stay here in Los Angeles
and celebrate as just an immediate family.
Every single year, I guess for six years.
Well, I try eight.
Really? Yeah.
This Christmas will be eight years in Los Angeles for us?
This Christmas would be the ninth.
Wow.
Because your first one was in 2011, right?
And so if you count the one and the eight,
no, so this year would be, yeah,
this year would be the ninth.
Okay, I'll take your word for it
because my brain's kinda hurting.
Right?
No, I think it's one of the.
No, this year would be the eighth.
This year would be the eighth, starting in 2011.
So the seven previous years we'd go home,
we'd stay here for Thanksgiving or go on vacation.
That was because summers were so crazy,
we would take vacations over Thanksgiving, we both would.
We both would.
And then for Christmas time,
leading up to the new year, we'd go home
for the past seven years.
But I don't know, you kinda wanna experiment and say,
you don't have your own thing, okay?
With your immediate family.
Like before we moved, we were starting to do the thing
where grandparents and aunts and uncles or slash siblings
would come visit us and we'd have our own thing and our own traditions
and then people would show up at different times
and we'd still go to places on Christmas night
or Christmas Eve, that type of stuff,
but like we had special Christmas morning.
That was a special time for us.
Very special.
Insert whatever special holiday time
for you and your family is appropriate
if it's a different set of holiday.
It's still all applicable, I believe.
I just wanna include you all.
But my point is, once we moved out here,
we didn't have any of that because like the week leading up
to Christmas and all the way afterward,
it was just, we were itinerant and I've talked about this,
I'm sure on the podcast many times
as we've caught each other up.
But we decided, okay, this is the year
we're gonna stay here,
but we'll go home for Thanksgiving instead.
And it'll be a little early and then we'll help,
we'll talk it over with family members.
Some have a more developed opinion than others
and you gotta talk to them in certain orders
and get everybody's buy-in.
But everybody was very gracious
and it turns out they were even thinking,
yeah, I think this would be good for you guys.
Your kids are getting older,
you need to have your own traditions
and your own things that you wanna do.
So I was very relieved that all of our family was on board.
So you think this is the new normal?
I think it can go either way now.
But at this point, I mean, well,
I haven't experienced Christmas here, so I don't know.
If it goes as well as I have like super high hopes.
Christmas here may suck, man.
It may suck, I don't know.
But people say it's a ghost town here in Los Angeles.
It's like it transforms into a different city
where no one's here and like I'm pretty interested in that.
That would be cool.
And I just have the run of the city.. And just have the run of the city.
Yeah.
Just have the run of the city.
Just like take Christmas trees everywhere.
Just like loot.
Like go looting with my family.
That's what I plan to do.
That's good, that's good.
Take empty stockings and fill them with people's valuables?
Yeah.
That's a fun Christmas tradition.
So I don't know, the jury's still out,
but I'm saying that that's a possibility,
that it may be the new normal
when you're talking about traditions like that.
People can come visit us and be included in it.
We're not being exclusive.
But anyway, it felt really good for people to be supportive
and so we went home for Thanksgiving as part of that
and we stayed at Christy's sister's house where we,
that's our home base now.
And my nephew Nehemiah, he's three years old
and he's wide open.
It was great to be there and hang out with him
and the kids just hanging out with him
but he got this, he wanted to perform these songs.
He has original songs.
So everyone would be sitting around
and he would get up in front of everybody
and he would make Lincoln Orlando play the drums.
He'd be like okay play really hard.
Like play really and he would get angry.
He'd be like, he would like channel anger
as a way to say how hard he wanted the drums to be played.
I like this kid.
On like a basket.
He's three?
Play harder!
And he would grab the hands that are holding the sticks
and he would say play really hard.
And then once you got it to like Lars,
not Lars Ulrich, but what's the drummer for Metallica?
Is that him?
How about the drummer for John Cougar Mellencamp?
Kenny Arnoff.
What about John Bonham?
I mean once he got Lincoln to full John Bonham,
like just breaking sticks, then he starts singing.
And he's like, Brittany kept having to encourage him,
now remember, we're gonna use a singing voice,
not a yelling voice.
I like this kid a lot.
Yeah, I love him.
Scream out already. And I like him.
And he's like, he just launches into,
we make the rules, we make the rules,
we make the rules!
And it turns out, this was a collaboration
with another cousin of his that wasn't present at the time.
So that was the we.
The we, I was about to say.
He and his other cousin.
It's very insightful.
It gives lots of insight into the psyche
of a three-year-old.
Right, there is a song.
To this boy at least.
There is a song in which they've created a world
in which they make the rules.
Yeah, they're in charge.
We make the rules.
Because the world is all about rules when you're three.
Yes, it's all about rules.
And it's like, you know what, we're gonna make them.
Ultimately, you realize that he captured
basically the spirit of rock and roll in his song.
Yeah, man.
No, we make the rules.
If rock and roll were acapella except for
your older cousin playing drums on a wicker basket,
then yes, that's like intense rock and roll.
That is the underlying message of all rock.
Not the sound though.
Right.
Maybe in the voice, like the screaming could even work.
You don't even have to tell him not to scream.
And then there was another one that,
I don't remember the tune,
but it was basically something like,
anything we can do, we can do!
It was like the same concept.
I like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was, I don't remember the exact words,
it was basically like that.
We can do anything that we can do.
And we're gonna do it.
It's kind of a tautology.
You know why?
Because if you flip the record over, we make the rules!
And you would cheer and it was fabulous, man.
I could listen.
Like yes, make the rules, Nehemiah, do that.
Your wife actually, or your wife, I don't know,
somebody in your family did post this on their Instagram.
So I had to say that I have seen the We Make the Rules.
I've been singing it all week.
Can't get it out of my head.
We make the rules!
I mean it's kinda like that anything you can dream,
you can do that Lando performed at his school
that one of the guys, one of the parents wrote
and then I was like that's not true Lando, remember?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Broke his, shattered his dreams.
But I'm like but you know what, you can make some rules.
You and Nehemiah can make your own rules.
The day before Thanksgiving we went to my nana's house,
my dad's mom's house and you know,
I'm not gonna get too sad but I will say that it was,
it was difficult in one way particular
because it was the first time Papa wasn't there,
you know, having passed away months ago
and with my uncle Dan also passing away right before that
which I've talked about on the show.
So it's like there was this anticipation of okay,
there's gonna be some empty seats, so to speak.
Now, it was never a plan to leave seats empty.
But actually, what happened, what had happened was
after our concert, I've told you this, right?
We went to, well, at our concert, I've told you this, right? We went to, well, at our concert
at the North Carolina State Fair,
my mom and Louis rode there with my dad and Nancy.
So this is your parents and their new partners
hanging out together.
Yeah, and Nana all rode in dad's truck up there
because they were concerned about parking.
But it has been 30 years or more than that
since your parents were a couple, so it's,
Oh yeah.
We've had a lot of time for the awkwardness
to settle a little bit.
Well, but it's still unusual.
They have never ridden in the same car anywhere.
Right, right, right, right.
And so when Dad and Nancy offered to take them,
I was like okay, I'll let them know.
And then like they did it and it went great.
And then come to find out on the ride there
or the ride back, they're talking about Thanksgiving plans
and how we're coming into town for Thanksgiving,
not Christmas time and they're like, you know what?
Dad and Nancy were like, Sue, you and Louis
should come to our Thanksgiving.
And I'm hearing about this and I'm like,
after they had decided, they were like,
well we were invited, I was like, oh it's,
I was like, sounds weird but.
Awesome.
Great, okay.
We make the rules.
So for the first time ever, my mom came to my dad's side
of the, to like a big family event
on my dad's side of the family.
But I will say, because for.
Even birthday parties growing up.
I mean they were all separate.
I'd have twice as many birthday parties,
twice as many Christmases.
What I'm getting at is, you know,
this is super common in modern society
for families to split up and there'd be two entities
and then the children have to kinda make choices
and go from place to place.
It is pretty novel concept.
If you can all get along.
I mean, it sounds like a movie, which it probably is.
Yeah, Christmas Eve, we'd always go to Nanny's house,
my mom's mom, my dad's side of the family
had nothing to do with it because Christmas night
was Nana's night for my dad's side of the family.
My mom had nothing to do with that.
I was the only one that would do both
and it was great because I got,
you know, you end up getting a lot more presents, I think.
Yeah, definitely.
But now I don't really get much presents
and this is Thanksgiving,
so presents are out of the equation.
Oh, your family doesn't do Thanksgiving presents, huh?
No, they don't.
We're not even thankful.
Oh. Just kidding.
So. We don't even do thankful.
It was this interesting dynamic
and there's like, I mean, there's,
I think there were, what was the number?
It ended up being like 16 people there.
So it wasn't like an awkwardly small group of people
sitting around a small table.
It was still a very, we're putting a bunch
of tables together.
It was, it turned out to be, you know,
there were still moments of it being very sad, you know?
It's like really experiencing missing these key members
of our family for the first time.
So it in no way erases that, but it created something new.
I mean, my cousin Kurt and they had a newborn,
three months old, first time we met the baby.
It was like, so there's all this excitement
that gives something to celebrate, you know,
which was very much needed.
And then it's like, and then I looked down
at that end of the table and it's like,
my mom's sitting there, it's like so weird,
but like, this is great.
I mean, I think everybody's having a good time
and you know everybody did have a good time.
It all worked out and at one point,
you know I've talked about Louis, my stepdad
who I'll never call my stepdad because that's just weird
because they got married way after I got married
but I'm like his catchphrase, good, good, good.
Talked about that right? Yes good, talked about that, right?
Yes.
We talked about, we built it up with the kids,
we're like, all right, Papa Louis is gonna be
at the Thanksgiving dinner tonight.
They're like, tonight, at Nana's?
I'm like, yes!
Let's do a drinking game, kids.
Every time, he says, good, good, good.
You take a shot of gravy.
That's a good idea.
And I'm like, silly, you gotta listen for it.
And then, lo and behold, the kids get up from the table.
We're all sitting there at the table after the food,
after everybody's eaten.
Some people start getting up, they're doing stuff,
but most of the people are still at the table.
And then Louis is like, oh boy that was good.
My ears perk up.
And I look across the table at Christy.
He's like pulling a cord.
Christy's eyes met mine and he was like,
oh gosh that was good.
Good, good, good.
I was like yes!
And then Christy and I looked at each other
and that was like the best moment of Thanksgiving
and then I look around for the kids
and they're not at the table.
Oh they didn't even witness it.
I think Lily was at the table
and she didn't hear it somehow.
And that was the only good, good, good of the whole.
You're kidding.
That's the only one he did.
And he gave you like a warning shot.
Yeah.
I mean everybody could have gathered around
during that pause.
I got it, I just wanted the kids to get it.
I mean the next day, which was Thanksgiving day,
we're at Nanny's house, so my mom's side of the family.
My dad and Nancy weren't invited to that, I don't know.
It didn't go both ways.
I don't know what happened.
Interesting.
And we're there and Louis didn't give a good, good, good
there, it was good, good, good.
Did he have a bad, bad, bad Thanksgiving?
Well, after, it was great.
Thanksgiving was great there, it was like Nanny and her siblings, Uncle it was great. Thanksgiving was great there.
It was like Nanny and her siblings.
Uncle Jimmy was there.
Never seen Uncle Jimmy.
Yeah. He was there.
He's hard to understand.
I love the way he talks, I'm just saying.
It needs to be subtitled.
Yeah, it needs to be, he's like.
He needs to have his own subtitle around his neck.
You need to have a relative.
He needs to have an iPad that he wears
that subtitles him.
I'm not gonna do an impersonation
because I think that would be cruel,
but I love him for it.
That's the thing about getting together with your family
is just, yeah, I'm in more observation mode.
It's not like we're getting
into deep conversations or anything.
We're just sitting around.
Nanny gets so cold that she set the,
literally, it was like 85 degrees.
Tropical.
And so like after we've eaten and it's 85 degrees
and you're sitting shoulder to shoulder
in this like carpeted living room
with like the kerosene heater on,
like everybody just started wilting, man.
And then a couple of family members
would have to go outside to smoke
and then they'd come back in and like me and Christy
are really sensitive to the smell of smoke
and like we got headaches from just the residual smell
on the clothes and we started to really
have a difficult time.
So we had to, I was like, well, Mom and Louis had to go to Louis' family's thing
and then we were gonna stay like two more hours.
I'm like, after another hour and the dog show's over
and stuff, I'm like.
The dog show?
We were wilting, we had to like get out of there.
So I'm like, well, and we had seen Nanny another day before
so we got some good quality time in
and then I was like, we said our goodbyes and headed out.
And then we get out to the car and Christy's like,
well, we can't go back to Brittany's
because they're not there, they're at JB's family's house
and we don't have a key so that we don't have somewhere
to be for like two and a half hours.
I'm like, well, I really need a coffee.
And it's Thanksgiving Day and we're driving around
to McDonald's and then I get to McDonald's,
I'm like yes and then the daggone McDonald's is closed.
Oh yeah, because you're in Lillington.
I look across, I'm in Anger,
and then I look across the street and there's a,
they got like a gas, I can't get gas station coffee.
So then we drive to Fuquay, I'm like,
there's a McDonald's in Fuquay, there's a Starbucks in Fuquay. I'm like, there's a McDonald's in Fuquay,
there's a Starbucks in Fuquay.
I go to both of those, they're both closed.
I'm getting desperate.
I go to the Dunkin Donuts, closed.
I'm starting to feel like a real loser now.
I'm driving my family around on Thanksgiving Day
just fiending for coffee and getting turned away
like Les Mis. Well, okay, that's a little, okay. I don't remember the away like Les Mis.
Well, okay, that's a little, okay.
I don't remember the story of Les Mis,
I didn't watch the movie.
It's exactly like that.
Christy's like, there's a Sheetz.
I'm like, gas station coffee?
Oh, Sheetz is not a gas station.
Well you know what, I have never been in a Sheetz.
I've never been inside of one.
What? I've heard about inside of one. What?
I've heard about them.
You can order food from the gas pump.
You can order lattes from a screen inside, which I did.
Of course you did.
And that explains why on Christmas Day,
me and my immediate family were playing cards
for an hour and a half in a Sheetz gas station
because we had nowhere to be.
That's why I got a group text of you playing cards
in a gas station on Thanksgiving.
And I felt kinda defeated.
I'm like, is this a father fail?
Does this answer the question at the top of the show
that it's better to not be with family on Thanksgiving
because here I am choosing to play cards
just with my kids and my wife in a Sheetz gas station?
I mean.
And then Christy's like, you know what?
This could be a tradition.
Oh gosh.
And it's a magical phrase.
No matter what happens, if it's bad, try this.
Next time you're in like a weird, defeated,
or odd holiday situation, just don't even think about it.
Just say it out loud, speak it into the ether.
This could be a tradition.
Everything changed at that moment.
Like I got a tingle on my spine.
I'm like, you know what?
A Sheetz tingle.
I got a Sheetz tingle.
I'm like, yeah, we can, even if we're not here
for Thanksgiving, we can fly all the way here
to go to this Sheetz.
It's like, no, we didn't mean that,
but it changed the perspective on the whole thing.
A sponsorship from Sheetz would definitely change.
Okay, yeah, work it.
Change the. Work it.
Change it.
So that was my Thanksgiving.
And by the way, then I left there
and we met Britton and his family at a Waffle House.
So I went from a Sheetz and then spent the next
two and a half hours at a Waffle House on Thanksgiving night.
That's an upgrade.
Both places are great, but Waffle House, that's prime.
I walked in, we walked in the Waffle House
and the manager looked at us and he said,
out loud, basically at the top of his voice,
he said, what the hell?
And I thought it was like, yeah, Thanksgiving night,
I know, we're here at a Waffle House.
Of course, so are you, manager.
It's great that you're here so that I can be here.
And then it turned out at the end he was a fan.
But he didn't tell me that until
that was his reaction.
Two and a half hours later.
So yeah, gas station and a Waffle House
on Thanksgiving night.
It can be a tradition.
That's my update, brother.
Okay.
Well, I had a different experience.
Pretty much same backstory, been going home
for Christmas every year.
Yeah.
But all of a sudden we can't go home
for either Thanksgiving or Christmas
because of my son's basketball commitments.
Which just means we're gonna get the LA Christmas as well, but we also got
the LA Thanksgiving, we got family coming out
for Christmas, so taking care of that.
But, after having been, we've traveled as a family
for the past few Thanksgivings, and so this was
sort of the first, well we did the Friendsgiving thing
years ago, but this was kind of a new group of people.
And the people who invited us were very close to,
but then they kind of invited a lot of people
that they know that they're close to.
So there was people that I had seen like once
and there was people I'd never seen and there were like 25 people
at this Friendsgiving.
Which is big in LA.
Yeah, because you got all these people
who don't go back home and nobody is with their
extended family and so.
You don't want to find yourself alone in the sheets.
And you got a lot of single people,
you got a lot of young couples without children.
And so I think it was basically just me and my kids
and then one other family and their kids
were the only families with kids
and then everybody else was younger, more vibrant.
I saw a picture of the group.
Sharp looking group, big group.
I'd say there was 24 people.
25.
25 people?
Yeah, yeah, you dressed up a little bit for it.
I did?
I thought that you did.
It looked like you were wearing a sweater.
I had a sweater on, yeah,
I had my Thanksgiving sweater on.
Yeah, yeah.
It was made out of turkey feathers.
If you had been close enough, you could have seen that.
I'll have to zoom in.
That on my cranberry pants.
But you couldn't see that because of the angle.
The pants were made out of like the.
The skins of cranberries.
The skin that hangs off a turkey's neck.
Yeah right, they're just bright red.
Wrinkly, looks like leather unless you get close.
Like a turkey nut sack.
Scrotum pants.
But the scrotum does hang from the chin of a turkey.
Dot com.
So, I was very excited
because you know me, I love to eat.
And I was very excited because the friend of the person
who was kind of throwing this was like,
they're gonna take care of the food.
And a few people did make things to bring.
Like my wife made a sweet potato casserole,
southern style with some pecans on top, brown sugar.
You know, just traditional Thanksgiving side, very good.
And here's what I'll say.
I call that a pre-dessert, not a side, not a dessert,
but anyway.
I enjoyed the meal quite a bit.
You had your staples and your turkey,
you had your gravy, your cranberry sauce, chutney, whatever.
And then the sides that people had brought.
But I did notice something.
You know, first of all, there was obviously a vegan option
for basically everything.
And this is Los Angeles, so you got like a vegan option
for the turkey, but it wasn't like a tofu turkey.
They had like seitan, which I call Satan.
I just go straight for that.
It's very big of you to invite Satan
to your Thanksgiving celebration.
Satan's steak, we have cut him up
and served him on Thanksgiving.
Be thankful for his death.
But the thing that I kinda noticed is that
the only thing on my plate that had the quantities
of butter and sugar and flour that I feel like constitutes
Thanksgiving was what my wife brought.
And I gotta say, I know that that's just a Southern boy
coming to Los Angeles.
I specifically remember one of the first potlucks
we ever came to when we came out here.
It was quite the eye-opening, mouth-shut out here. This, this, this. It was quite the eye opening mouth shutting experience.
Yeah, yeah, it was like all these people
brought all these sides.
And this one girl was like, I made this,
this is Paula Deen's recipe.
And I'm like eating it, I'm like, really?
Cause she's, and then as I'm eating it, she's like,
and you know what?
I used half the butter and half the sugar
that Paula called for and it's still good.
And I'm thinking, Paula knows best, bro.
Have you seen the silhouette of that woman?
She knows how much butter and sugar
you're supposed to put in things.
Right, right.
And there's just a different mentality.
And you know what?
It's probably a better mentality.
It's probably a mentality that leads
to a longer, healthier life, but when you.
Thanksgiving only comes once a year.
When you've decided to throw caution to the wind,
I could have. Unfurl the sails.
I could have butter injected directly into my veins
on Thanksgiving, I would do that if that was a thing.
We could make it a tradition.
And so, I gotta, so, because dessert time happened
and I was like, oh, there's a pumpkin pie.
And then I, they had labeled everything
and it was pumpkin pie vegan.
Vegan.
And I was like, mm.
And there was like chocolate pie, raw, vegan.
What?
And then it was like, some kind of bites, vegan.
Man.
Now you know how vegan people normally feel, right?
And so what I thought was, I was just like,
man, I just wanna go to Ralph's right now
and just get a pumpkin pie from Ralph's.
You know, just get a grocery store pumpkin pie,
put some whipped cream on top,
and then unbutton my pants and enjoy myself. Right. You know, just get a grocery store pumpkin pie, put some whipped cream on top, and then unbutton my pants and enjoy myself.
You know?
So that was an adjustment.
It was an adjustment that I feel like
I can be ready for next year.
It just, I think I'm gonna bring my own butter
and my own sugar.
And I'm just gonna squeeze, squeeze, squeeze.
IV, bring an IV bag.
A squeegee of butter and then like a sugar shaker
and I'm just like, don't mind me.
You know, just to kind of get things out to the standard.
Just bring stuff and label it unapologetically unvegan.
Yeah, that sounds like a good brand.
Yeah.
And then the tagline is make it a tradition.
Resell it at Walmart, make millions.
Don't commercialize my holiday slogan.
I can't help but commercialize things.
I helped a lot of people, man.
But one traditional thing that happened was
is the host said we're gonna go around
and we're gonna say what we're thankful for.
Because it's Los Angeles, you kinda have to say
we're gonna do the cliche thing
and we're gonna say what we're thankful for.
And you know, everybody was saying
kind of the traditional things, you know,
family and friends.
What was your gut knee jerk reaction to that announcement?
What was your gut knee jerk reaction to that announcement?
Well, I'm all. I can think of three.
What was my gut knee jerk reaction to having.
To the announcement of the assignment
that this cliche thing was gonna happen.
Well there's always a slight increase in heart rate.
Yeah.
I think that for every normal person,
even somebody who.
Don't speak for people, I'm asking for you.
Don't normalize your response,
just tell me what yours was, I'm curious.
Well a slight increase in heart rate.
Okay.
And then.
That's normal, most people that would.
And then like okay, I gotta say something
that sort of mixes humor and heart in the right way.
This is a branding moment.
I don't exactly remember what I said I was thankful for.
Because there was a second question
that I do remember everything that I said.
Oh, you don't remember what you were thankful for?
No, it was something about new friends and family
and then I said, I made a joke.
It went over well, trust me.
But then the second thing that happened
while we were eating, which I found very interesting,
was there was a guy there that was a life coach.
Again, of course.
Was he paid to be there?
If you get 25 people together in Los Angeles,
one of them will be a life coach.
That's code for something, right?
I don't know what. If you don't have one life coach per 25 people
in Los Angeles, the entire city implodes.
It's funny, the cashier at Sheetz was a life coach.
So.
Did he have a tag?
How did you know he was a life coach?
Well.
A hat?
If someone is a life coach or a vegan or into CrossFit.
You know it, yeah right.
You know what I'm saying?
You find out pretty early in the conversation.
Right, right.
So I.
That's true.
I, he stands up.
Make a list of those things.
He stands up and he says,
we're gonna all answer this question.
And again, I liked it because it was intentional conversation
and it was 25 people at a table
and you're kinda talking to the people around you
but then it's kinda putting everybody on the spot,
even the kids, both of my kids had to stand up
and answer this question.
But it was the traditional question of
if you had a superpower, what would it be
and what would be your first mission? Oh, I actually it be and what would be your first mission?
Oh I actually haven't heard what would be your first mission.
First mission was new to me,
because that's the kind of thing that a life coach
adds to it, you understand?
Because what's your favorite superpower,
that's just normal folk.
What's your first mission, life coach, business card,
here you go.
But the heart rate goes up even more when that happens.
Yeah, I'm like, ooh, curve ball.
Now is precious time to shine.
So I said, and it was, one guy requested,
he said, instead of going around,
can we just do popcorn style?
Can we just, as you know, what you, can you share?
I was like, that's a good idea.
Why is that a good idea?
Because he wanted to get dibs on invisibility or something.
Because of the inevitability of it coming to you
and you're just thinking about what you're gonna say.
He had a reason, it was good.
I thought it was great at the moment.
But I had actually had this exact discussion
with my wife the week before.
Now we've talked about what our favorite superpowers
would be before, we argued about it at some point
on the Debaterama I think, I can't remember anything
that we do around here, but I know we've talked
about superpowers and I personally.
Invisibility versus invincibility was one of our first.
But we did invisibility versus flight and then.
Yeah we did. I versus flight and then,
I've always said that teleportation is the superpower
that I would choose because it replicates,
technically can replicate invisibility and flight
for all practical purposes.
I would, are you asking me now?
Because I would choose being able to double myself
and be invisible so I could creep on myself and not even know it.
Wow, interesting and disturbing.
But I did not say that because that's the canned answer.
I actually said what I talked to my wife about.
This is Thanksgiving, you don't eat canned ham.
I was, Jessie and I were with each other eating something
and I was eating some bad food.
Is this a dream?
You lost me.
This is the week before that gave me the answer
to the superpower thing.
Okay.
And I said, you know what?
If I could have a superpower,
it would just be to turn everything that is bad for me
to eat into things that are good for me.
The whole thing would just flip.
So it would be like, you know,
fried chicken, processed meats,
and it would be, not only would it taste good,
but it would make me feel the way that good, healthy food
would feel and be synthesized by your body.
So did you tell them this and did that just incriminate you
in what you were, the thoughts you were consumed by?
So I was like, I'm gonna go early
because I want so I can enjoy everyone's answer.
Oh, I like that.
So people got up and said a couple of things
that were kind of fun, kind of interesting.
And I was like the third and I said,
well, I've actually been thinking about this
because Jessie and I were talking about this last week.
And I said that I would turn everything that's bad for me
into things that were good for me.
And my first mission would be to start eating.
And, you know, it-
That's the closer.
Yeah, you know, I set it up, I landed the punchline.
You sat down.
I got some jokes, I sat down, everything's great.
Riding high.
Then somebody turned the tables.
Somebody actually stood up and said,
I would have the power to heal
and I would heal the world.
Okay.
And I was like, uh-oh, this is where this is going?
I thought this was fun party conversation.
Next thing I know, people are standing up and they are.
Crying?
No, no, no, no, no.
So our friend Mike, smartest guy we know,
he actually gave a really hilarious,
yet really like, man, this is a great answer.
He stood up and said that he would have the ability
to manipulate matter, not on the atomic level,
therefore not to induce a singularity,
but on the molecular level,
and he would take all the carbon that is loose
in the atmosphere and send it to the core of the Earth
to take care of the global warming problem.
And he explained this in a very scientific way
that was pretty awesome.
As the things went by, people talked,
one person said I would give the power of empathy.
I would have the power of empathy
and I would be able to give it to people
just by having interaction with them.
So my answer about just turning fried chicken
into something that was good for me
got more and more, you know,
sort of shallow, if you will.
Vapid, is that the right word?
As we proceeded.
But I really enjoyed the conversation
and then somebody did say,
eventually somebody was like screw it
and they went back into fun, fun levels of conversation.
But I wasn't with my family, I was with my immediate family
but we're talking about extended family
when we talk about Thanksgiving,
is Thanksgiving better with family?
And my mom is sending me pictures of,
first of all she's sending me pictures of what the plate
of food that she has made looks like and I'm like oh baby.
Yes, this is what I want right now.
Proper amounts.
It's all you can think about.
Proper amounts of butter and sugar.
And talk about during structured sharing time.
And yeah, if I could have one superpower,
it'd be if my mom would be here serving me
Thanksgiving dinner.
But I.
That may be the answer.
Well, I mean, there's something that can't be replicated.
There's a connection that you have with your extended family
that can't be replicated.
There's also a level of like, okay,
now you're a little bit tired of each other
and you gotta go play cards at a gas station.
But then on the opposite end of the spectrum,
there's like, I'm meeting new people,
I'm answering this question that a life coach
has come up with, and it's probably making new neurons
grow in my brain or something.
So I don't know, I honestly can't tell you which one
is a holistically a better experience.
I don't know, I think what you described
sounds like something that if you'd have told me
that was February 2nd in LA,
maybe you could have been in that type of circle.
Oh but then we did karaoke.
Oh you did karaoke?
The life coach brought in a karaoke machine.
Well isn't he a ball of yarn?
Is that a saying you just came up with?
Because that sounds like a good saying.
It's a saying that cats say
if they're in this conversation.
Oh.
You wouldn't know about that.
I'm not interested.
He brought in a karaoke machine
and everyone ended up singing karaoke,
including my own kids who together
sang a Bruno Mars song and I don't wanna say
which one it was because you may question
my parental intuition.
But.
The problem is you parent via intuition.
You know, it's like, what are you guys?
A palm reader?
But, no, but we had a great, first of all,
we were there from like two o'clock to 11 o'clock.
I mean, it's a long, long frickin' time.
A lot longer than you had at your grandma's house.
I probably would've ducked out of that too.
Once the karaoke machine came out though,
you felt like you had to stay.
You know. Karaoke on Thanksgiving. that too. Once the karaoke machine came out though, you felt like you had to stay.
Karaoke on Thanksgiving. I don't know, I think that,
I'm very thankful that,
because I'm like, well, yeah,
we didn't go around and say what we're thankful for.
No life coach stood up and gave
some sort of assignment
and I'm like man, maybe that should have been me.
Maybe I should have been the life coach.
Yeah well.
I regret that a little bit.
I mean we had good conversations though.
You know and then there was the good, good, good moment.
I mean there were lots of great things.
There was a baby being passed around for the first time.
That's good.
It was all types, you know family coming back together.
It was a beautiful thing.
Like, I wouldn't change any of it.
Again, even the gas station part, which is a highlight.
You know, the whole thing, just embracing,
just even the parts that feel stagnant.
Like, sitting on a couch with all these people
and just watching the dog show on mute.
Which is the only way to watch a dog show.
Is a beautiful thing.
So, I don't know, I think it's,
especially when you don't live with them.
I'm gonna come down on this.
I'm not gonna say, you know, they're both.
It could be either.
I'm actually gonna come down on this
and I'm gonna come down on the side of,
with the caveat of living away from family
that you don't see, it becomes that much more important
and I think it's, even if nothing changes
or it even feels like it doesn't meet your expectations
because somehow that's always still a part of it,
honestly, going back home for the holidays.
There's like this like, man, this is just not what
I hoped it would be.
Because you start judging everything
and all the conversations and because it's charged
with, this is one of the few times
that we can all get together.
Can't we just make it very special?
The answer is not much more special than if you live there
but just seeing them, by definition it becomes more special
and I'm coming down on that side,
that it's better with family even if it's miserable
and again, I didn't describe misery.
But I'm saying even if it were that,
I think it's better because it's an institution.
It's a family institution.
But what if you incorporated, I mean next year,
if this is gonna be your thing,
what if next year, you don't have to say
you're a life coach, but you come with a conversational
topic and a karaoke machine. you don't have to say you're a life coach, but you come with a conversational topic
and a karaoke machine.
Yeah, I could do that.
It's like last year at Christmas.
You know what I sang at karaoke?
We ended up playing that Bean Doozled game
and I had like old people eating dirt flavored jelly beans.
It was beautiful.
Grass flavored beans.
What did you sing?
Was it a country song?
Nope.
Was it...
Let me just put it this way.
Was it from the 80s?
Yes, and let me put it this way.
Was it R&B?
The song before it was somebody saying Whitney Houston's
I Wanna Dance With Somebody.
And I leaned over to the-
That's my song. And then I leaned over to the- That's my song.
And then I- I would've done that.
I leaned over to the life coach slash DJ and I said,
I wanna keep the party going.
I wanna keep the dance party going.
80s.
I wanna keep this vibe going.
And something that I can sing.
Something you can sing that's not.
Something that I've sung with you.
But was it a dance song?
It's not, the word dance is not in the title,
but it is a, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You definitely wanna move when you hear it.
Is it a Lionel song?
Yes.
All Night Long?
Yes.
You sang All Night Long? Yes. All night long? Yes. You sang all night long?
Yes I did.
.
Man, I, hey jumbo jumbo is what you're supposed to say.
Did you get them to sing that?
Was everybody like, hey jumbo jumbo?
Well some of the people who knew it,
I had the,
Wait to party, oh we going.
I had the words on the iPhone and so no one else
could see them, you know what I'm saying?
Like the guy handed me his phone.
Oh.
The karaoke slash life coach had a phone
and he was like giving it to you
so you were looking at the lyrics.
So I couldn't broadcast it, it wasn't being projected,
it wasn't that level, maybe next year.
So where are you coming down on this question?
Maybe I took the safe road in terms of family members,
but I think that's where I'm at.
I feel like if you're isolating,
I think a trip back home is,
it encompasses more than just the Thanksgiving experience
because you're hanging with and seeing these people
that you don't see on a regular basis.
So I would say that if you take a look
at the whole Thanksgiving holiday,
I think that ultimately I'd rather see my family.
But I think that if you just give me that isolated, curated, because I feel like I had
a curated Thanksgiving experience, and again,
there was some, there was some too healthy options
that I feel like colored that a little bit,
but like I said, I think I can just take care of that
next year and be like, hey, bring,
just get some pumpkin pies from the grocery store,
make some big thing of mac and cheese,
bring the sweet potatoes, you know,
just make sure there's enough high-calorie stuff
as an option.
So you're saying if the, your answer's still about
if the food were just a little better,
then it would've been perfect.
Oh, you know what, I'll take it back.
What about empathy and carbon?
Because the food, because the food
is such a big part of Thanksgiving for me,
I think I gotta be with mama on Thanksgiving
if I have to make a choice.
You do.
Yeah.
Well, we know what we're doing next year.
I'll see you at the Sheetz.
Well, and the thing is is I'm gonna have an LA, as long as Locke the thing is, I'm gonna have an LA,
as long as Locke's playing basketball,
I'm gonna have an LA Thanksgiving for the next four years.
So, mama gonna have to come out here
and make some food for us.
Hey, jumbo jumbo.
Oh yeah.
We're gonna have a party. You don't even know the words. Oh yeah!
We're gonna have a party! You don't even know the words.
Yeah well I gotta have the phone.
I haven't sung that song enough.
I didn't actually sing it all night long one time.
All right so, let us know about your experience.
Hashtag Ear Biscuits.
Do you love your family?
I love my family.
That's the question, I do.
And then you ended up watching that
Tiger and Phil golf thing.
Wasted my day doing that.
I was flying, that was Friday, I was flying back.
I paid for it.
20 bucks.
I would've watched that.
I watched it, yeah.
That's a good way to watch golf it seems like, I would've done that. I watched it, yeah. That's a good way to watch golf it seems like.
I would've done that.
I think the consensus was it was a bit of a flop
is what people thought because they're both kinda old
and at least Phil considered a little irrelevant now
but he beat Tiger so give me a freaking break.
Samuel L. Jackson was involved.
Charles Barkley was there.
He's always a ball of yarn.
So anyway, I highly recommend it.
I think they should do it again.
I'll watch it again, I'll waste half of my day
sitting there on the couch watching golf,
watching Tiger Woods breathe heavily into his microphone
which was on at all times because it was live streamed.
I heard they had to get a lot of refunds
because the live stream didn't work right or something.
Yeah, they ended up making it free halfway through.
But you'd already paid.
Bleacher report, but I'd already paid.
You know what, you can keep my money, bleacher report.
You did a bold thing.
How did this become about that?
This is just us talking.