Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 197: What's the Secret to 18+ Years of Marriage? | Ear Biscuits Ep. 197

Episode Date: June 10, 2019

From a beach getaway in an abandoned Malibu neighborhood to a Palm Springs vacation laced with celebrity sightings, R&L recount their anniversary vacations they took with their wives and analyze the key to an incredible 18+ years of marriage in this week's Ear Biscuits! Sponsored by: Honey: Get the smart shopping assistant that saves you time and money for FREE at JoinHoney.com/Ear. Dunkin’: Head over to Dunkin’ today and grab the Dunkin’ Power Breakfast Sandwich and Egg White Dunkin’ Bowl. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamex. Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Before we get started, today we wanna let you know that yes, we are coming potentially to a town near you for a night of unpredictable comedy and music. We're gonna be in Las Vegas on June 21st,

Salt Lake City on June 22nd, Denver on June 23rd, Milwaukee on the 25th, Indianapolis on the 26th, Detroit on the 27th, Omaha, Nebraska on the 29th, and on the 30th of June, we'll be in Minneapolis, Minnesota. And then starting in September, we're gonna pick up in Houston, Texas September 4th, New Orleans September 5th, Birmingham, Alabama the sixth, Jacksonville, Florida the seventh,

Tampa, Florida the eighth, Albuquerque, New Mexico November 20th, Phoenix, Arizona the 21st, Sacramento, California the 22nd, and Valley Center, California, November 23rd. Go to RhettandLinkalive.com for more info and to buy your ticks. Let's do a biscuit. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett.

And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're asking the question. What's the question? Oh, what's the secret to 18 plus years of marriage? Such an important question that you nearly forgot it. We've recently celebrated our wedding anniversaries. Like I've been married to Christy for over 19 years and as of the recording of this,

you've been married to Jessie almost 18 years. We decided to celebrate our anniversaries on your weekend because it was Memorial Day weekend so we get a three day weekend which means you celebrate your anniversary on your anniversary and I celebrate my anniversary a week before my anniversary. That's why I'm forcing your hand. Now I will have to then celebrate my actual anniversary

but it'll be a low key affair. You'll be like remember a couple weeks back when we celebrated this? Well it's just a week back because my actual anniversary is June 2nd which is, you know, I'm not even gonna say when we're recording this but it's a few days away. One day after your birthday, big boy.

That's coming up. Big boy's gonna be. I'm catching up with you, man. I'm ticking over to 41. You're gonna be the same age. Same age. That's happened a lot. You know?

It means more now though, because 41, man. From October 11th to June 1st, we're not the same age, and then from June 1st to October 11th, we are the same age. You ever thought about that? Yeah. Hey, this isn't about our birthdays, this is about our marriages.

Yeah. And we're gonna expose all the secrets. Well, I'm not gonna, it's not like, I've got some thoughts but at the same time, I don't wanna set this up like, hey, we've got the key to a long lasting marriage. Even though some thoughts, but at the same time, I don't wanna set this up like, hey, we've got the key to a long lasting marriage. Even though we did, but using the question. If you stick around for 50 minutes,

you can find out the answer. We're gonna talk about our anniversary trips, what we did and any hijinks that resulted from that. Oh snap. And then hopefully find a landing point, which is the secret to a long marriage. Yeah. But before we do that, I do want to- You're getting to ads already? No, no.

When you say something like that, I think you're about to do an ad. People are already trying to skip forward. No, don't skip, this is not an ad. This is just an update because when you turn 41, I would really like you to come to my house. So when you walk in the door, I can have a little surprise for you.

You're not really, you're making it sound so enticing that I probably would never come to your house again. Do you remember, I've talked about this a couple of times now, the home automation process that I have been embarking on. Man, if it's not intermittent fasting, it's your light situation. Well, the light situation.

You need to fast from your light situation. Is on lock. It is not quite, I haven't catered what's gonna happen, I haven't catered your experience yet, but all I can tell you. You got something for me for my birthday? I mean, I can really easily. It's just called a routine and I go in

and say what's gonna happen. Don't undersell it. Play it big if you're gonna play it big. Let me just tell you what I have done. And I have devoted, even though I wasn't the one to actually do the electrical work that was required, I can only imagine, I would still be doing it if I was the one that to actually do the electrical work that was required, I can only imagine, I would still be doing it if I was the one that was responsible

for the electrical work. I was only responsible for bulb placement, like bulb insertion. So there's smart bulbs and there's smart switches. And this is covering a lot of my house. Yeah, I remember. The only thing that is- You said you wanted every single light source to be able to be controlled by your voice. Yeah, I remember. The only thing that is- You said you wanted every single light source

to be able to be controlled by your voice. We're basically there. Which I thought was overkill, given my experience with the perfect level. It turns out that I thought that I was gonna have to employ some sort of numbering system like Battleship, but all you have to do is say like, living room lamps, living room main lights,

and you got it covered. Dining room. D living room main lights. And you got it covered. Dining room. Dining room lamp. I texted Rhett the morning that apparently this was being installed and I was like, so are you gonna come into work today? Oh no. I did actually work a lot that day.

And Rhett was like, I gotta stay here because my lights are going in. My switches are going in. I'm like, oh great, I ain't going in either. But let me just tell you. And I don't even have lights to go in. Let me just tell you, as a man who can now make all kinds of things happen at his house,

listen, I can say, for instance, I can say, here's Johnny. I could say, hey Google, which I just activated all your Google Homes, you're welcome. Here's Johnny, and at that point, all the lights will go out, all the lamps that have the multicolor bulbs in them, which I got those bulbs that can be like 16 million different colors, they all turn red.

Okay. And then the main title from The Shining plays. And then my youngest son begins to cry. Just all part of being an excellent dad. Every light turns off, the ones that can turn red turn red. Turn red. And your whole house is red. And it literally looks like there's a demon

coming from the bedroom. Like, we're downstairs last night. Hold on, you installed a demon hologram? No, but like, you know like. What do you mean? No, think about this. You're downstairs and there's all this red light around you and you look upstairs and there's a door cracked

and coming out of the door is just red light. It feels like a horror movie. Like I found my own self getting scared. And then I realized that my kid was crying and I was like, I gotta back off on this. But I can do that. I also. Yeah, I'm sure it didn't take any time to set that up.

No. And I bet you're gonna use it all the time. Well, I've already, my kids got so into doing it that I was like, by the end of it, I was like, boys, I'm gonna make it where the freaking Google Home can't recognize your voices if you abuse this. I started realizing where it could backfire. But also, if you say.

I kept hears Johnny-ing too much. But also, if you say. He hears Johnny too much. If you say, hey Google, it's Shepard, because Shepard wanted his own situation. Okay. All the lights dim, he doesn't like it to be dark. All the lights that can dim, dim, and then all the lights that can change color turn to violet, his favorite color.

Okay. And then Bruno Mars Versace on the floor plays. And then what, does he have a routine? Because that's his favorite song. Does he have a dance routine? He just, no, this is what he does. So I got it all set up for him and then he was like, mom, come in here and he laid back on the couch.

He laid back on the couch and he put his hands behind his head and he said, I'm gonna start saying HG for hey Google, okay? HG, it's Shepard. Now the only thing that's a little bit underwhelming about this and I'm gonna prepare you so when you come and we say it's Link. I gotta come at night, obviously.

You gotta come at night and it's not as fast as it should be, I don't know what's happening so it's like hey Google, sorry HG, it's not as fast as it should be. I don't know what's happening, so it's like, hey Google, sorry, HG, it's Shepard, and it's just like, two seconds pass, all the lights go out, another second passes, the lights turn violet, two more seconds pass, and then the music starts. You want it all to happen at once,

and I think in the year 2021, it will all happen at the same time, but it's 2019, I'm ahead of the curve. Yeah, if they, if this would be the type of thing that like in the creative meeting for the commercial, they would be pitching this. Let's cheat it. And then you have to say, well, you know,

we're gonna have to put a note on the screen that said, edited for time. Yeah. You know? Yeah. But they would still sell it that way. I can also make the whole house seem like a dungeon with people screaming in different locations

and different lights coming on and off. But it's, I mean. It's a horror movie mode, a haunted house mode. I'm a dark individual. Did you do anything that wasn't wicked, twisted or insane? Yeah. What?

You can make it, you can do like a space scape, like a lunar landscape where it turns it, turns the house blue and then plays like moon music. That's not creepy, that's awesome. So anyway. You put a lot of work into something that I can discern no practical value for. It's called impressing people once.

That's the practical value. Anyone who hasn't seen it. At least you're honest. I mean, cause that's all that. Yeah once. That's the practical value. Anyone who hasn't seen it. At least you're honest. I mean, cause that's all that. Yeah, but it's fun. Here's the thing. But you've also controlled, you have some practical stuff, right?

I mean, have you not made it where like at sunset, certain lights turn on? Oh yeah, yeah. At different times of night they turn off? Step one was every single morning, this happens every single night, like literally sunrise and sunset, you have it respond to sunrise and sunset.

And then when I say HG goodnight, all the lights in the house go off. And then when I say, and then if Jessie wants to have a party, she says HG, it's party time. And then all the lights, here's what my wife does, when we're gonna have people over, she goes around cutting on all the lamps

and getting everything right. I set it the way that she wanted, I say, baby, all you gotta do is tell Google it's party time and it will set everything the way you want it. So all that was taken care of, and then once I had all that done, I was like, where else can I go from here? And that's when I started getting creative.

But let me tell you, as a man who can literally drag himself around his house, never having to touch anything, and can control all this, just this weekend, I installed the last bulb and I was like, this is everything that I ever wanted. I sat down on my couch as my entire house was bathed in red demonic light and I was listening to the shining theme

and I thought, this can't be all there is. That's good, that's good. Because I was gonna say, I've noticed a phrase that you've said a number of times as you've bragged about your lights and that phrase is, as a man. So let me ask you, is that what this is about? And I'm just saying as a human,

I'm not saying as a man. Okay, I was just asking. Is this about your manhood? No, no, it's not about my manhood. What I'm getting at is that, and you know me, and this is largely what- You got a lot of questions about your manhood, yeah. This is what largely drives me

and makes me sort of the driven person that I am, is that I see something and I can visualize, I can visualize that moment that I'm gonna be on the couch having just said here's Johnny and all the things that I described happening. And for that moment to take place, I will do everything to get to that point, right? I will make everything that needs to happen happen to get to that point. Right, I will make everything that needs to happen

happen to get to that point. But then inevitably when I get there, I'm like, what else? Now what? What else, you know, I mean, now I can control everything with my voice. You have any motorized blinds? No, but I have a hub that is prepared for them. I do.

Well, I got them in my bathroom. So I'm just saying, I'm already ahead of you on that front. Can you control them with your voice? No. You easily can though. You need to get the Lutron hub. As a man, I don't feel the need to control them with my voice.

I can control them with my finger. Well, you want me to tell you what happens when I say, I'm in my bedroom and I say, hey Google, it's business time? Nope, definitely not. Because there is a program that it follows at that point as well. And I'm not making it up.

The one thing I don't have. I get it. The one thing I don't have is I don't have the motorized blinds, which I told Jessie I was like, because she wants to redo the bedroom. I said, well, you get the motorized blinds and when I say it's business time, the blinds all go down too. I'm a blinds open guy.

You want your neighbors to be intimately familiar with you. No, it's not about them. I just like- You wanna see the stars. The daylight, whatever man. Oh, in the daylight, yeah, it doesn't about them. I just like. You wanna see the stars. The daylight. Whatever, man. Oh, in the daylight, yeah, it doesn't happen in the daylight.

I'm saying that the blinds don't go down in the daylight. They only go down in the nighttime. I think all of this raises a specific question which is very much on topic today. Not about lights at all. It's about how on earth could someone be married to Rhett McLaughlin for 18 years? You know, I think that's what it brings into focus,

for me at least. Someone who caters, gets the perfect environment for you to make love in, I think that that's easy to stay married to. Someone who has controlled their house to be conducive to lovemaking, I think that's an asset. That's not something to overcome. Let's not forget all the other things like,

hey honey, I made our house into a sonic dungeon. She didn't like that that much. Anyway, let's talk about our trips. Shop Best Buy's ultimate smartphone sale today. Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is...

Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leah President. And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect. It's a weekly news show. With the best celebrity guests. And hot takes galore. So join us every Friday wherever you get your podcasts

and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. Okay, so where'd you go? I went to Malibu, man. I got a private house. Like I'll say I got an Airbnb in Malibu that was a house all to ourselves, but it was a guest house.

And I do need and I will go into more detail about how this house was set up because the surroundings were quite interesting. But I was very excited to have a couple of nights away just me and Christy to reflect on our 19 years of marriage. Oh I love her so much. I know she's listening. I love you so much.

I'm a fan of Airbnb. I'm a fan of renting a whole place. Now you gotta bring all your own stuff. But I'm the type, as opposed to a hotel where they'll clean up after you every day and you can order room service and you can do it. I know you did something like that and I'm not type, as opposed to a hotel where they'll clean up after you every day and you can order room service and you can do it, I know you did something like that and I'm not dogging that, I'm just saying that those are all amenities

that you don't have in Airbnb, that's a factor. But for me, an overriding factor is there's more privacy and there's more of a sense of control. I already bring so much crap and I do wanna tell you some of the stuff that I brought. For a two night trip. For a two night trip because I'm just, I don't know if you know but I'm a little peculiar

about the things that I like to have in order to make things perfect. I'm familiar with this. But for starters, I'll just say that I found this place on Airbnb that was, it's on like a studio apartment situation type guest house and it was right on the beach. Like there was a little kitchenette, a little living area, a little bedroom area, all kind of connected in one space

and then the sliding glass doors, the whole front was just two sections of sliding one space and then the sliding glass doors, the whole front was just two sections of sliding glass doors and then one sliding glass door on the side. And then you had to walk downstairs to the beach? There was a deck right there and there were like two big loungers and then right on the other side of that, you step down off the deck and you're just on the beach.

So like the water doesn't come up onto the deck? The water came up to the high tide line came up probably 20 feet from the edge of the deck. Oh, you usually don't get that much beach in Malibu with those houses. Yeah, sometimes a lot of the houses are built literally over the high tide line so the waves will crash like right under your deck.

So it was a perfect spot where there was always a little bit of beach but I was like whoa, this is quite a find. I mean there's not a lot of places that you can rent out in Malibu and if you are, you're renting like a whole house and you're paying a crap ton of money. And you're like setting up a whole party,

never done that. And you're not dealing with a lot of people because this is like a private area like so there's not a bunch of people walking by. like setting up a whole party. Never done that. And you're not dealing with a lot of people because this is like a private area, like so there's not a bunch of people walking by? They say all the beaches are private, but no beach can be made private, but there were signs on all of the decks around there that said private property.

The people try to say, it's actually a huge dispute. They try to say that it's a private beach, but technically the sign says, private from the mean high tide line and up to the house. There's an app that I have on my phone, I can't remember, it's like Malibu beaches or something like that. Yeah.

It's an app that someone who was upset with the homeowners who were keeping everybody out from the public beaches made to show you all the access points to all these beaches because they're like, there are no private beaches and you can go right behind somebody's house if you want. So that's where we elected to go. Tell me where you went and we can kind of ping pong it.

I went to Palm Springs, stayed in a hotel. I'm not going to say the name of the hotel because I'm gonna be talking about people that I saw there and also I'm gonna be complaining a little bit. Okay. Probably will go back to this place, maybe. I want to, I just wanna keep the name unmentioned. Okay.

Is it like Red Roof Inn? Yeah, it's the Ramada. It's, you know, it's a- It was a nice spot, right? It was a nice hotel in Palm Springs. And again, Jessie and I, I'm pretty flexible. Airbnb versus hotel is I'm kinda open. I see advantages and disadvantages to both.

Jessie is, she's all about the hotel experience. She doesn't, she likes to, she just basically is like, I don't want to have to be cleaning up after everybody. I want somebody to do it for me. Because you'll make a mess. And our boys are just animals, they're just animals. Well you didn't bring your boys, did you? No, no, I'm just saying, but like she's dealing with them.

It's like having two very large ferrets. You know what I'm saying? It's just, they pee everywhere. Your family's clean. My family's not. My family's dirty. You can't hold a ferret. They're squiggling everywhere. Yeah.

Leaving poop in your hands. And please don't, please don't say, but ferrets make great pets. Ferrets don't make great children. That's what I'm saying, okay? And that's what I have. Anyway, so she wants, and she also, being able to go, we discovered recently that the idea of going,

and this comes into play later, the idea of just going and sitting next to the pool and chilling out and not having any responsibilities and being able to read or write, whatever you wanna do, coupled with people watching, which is an especially nice thing to do in Palm Springs, especially at a place like this hotel. We were very primed for reading,

lounging and people watching. Okay. That's what we were ready for. I was not ready for any people watching, but don't let me forget that it ended up happening and you reminded me of it so I need to tell you that. All right so in preparation for my trip, I was so excited, I was like weeks ahead of time

I was making a list, I was like man, it's gonna be cold, it's not gonna be, by my definition, like 60 degrees is cold. I'm like I need to bundle up. And especially in a California beach, a lot of people don't understand. You can't get in the ocean unless you're crazy. You gotta have a wetsuit.

You gotta be like a ferret to get in the ocean. Like a ferret child. You gotta have a fur coat. It's so cold that only, what is it about children? And again, I didn't bring my children on this trip, but you'll dip your toe into any sort of water and be like, ooh! I might die if I submerge past my heart.

And then all of a sudden some kids are sprinting by and they're just frolicking all in it. They're impervious to temperature. They can swim around in all these frigid temperatures like it's nothing. Like what is that? Are they stupid? Well yeah, they are. They're a little bit stupider for sure.

It's not like whoa this is so cold it's invigorating. They don't say anything about it. They're just in it. They're just like oh this is fun because I'm in water. I don't think they've developed the nerve endings that we have. They're gonna fully develop nerve endings. So I'm like I'm gonna make a list

because I don't want to forget anything that's important to me. And I wrote on the list like cozy clothes. And then I was like, I'm gonna bring sweatpants. That doesn't fall under cozy clothes? I said I gotta get specific. Hold on, cozy clothes and sweatpants are two different categories?

It's a subcategory. My list had bullet points and then like sub bullets. Under cozy clothes it had sweatpants and then it had those thinner sweatpants. Old t-shirts. And then it had those pajama pants and then it had my slippers, my bedroom slippers and then it also had, oh but if I'm gonna,

I know that I'm gonna go in the shower. The shower was disconnected. You had to walk across a little bit of decking to get to the shower. The main shower? The only shower. You had to go outside. The shower had a toilet and a sink in it. It was like an outhouse, but it was in between the guest house and the main mansion,

which was right on the other side. There was a mansion? I knew this from the pictures. This was just a guest house connected to a mansion. Did you meet the mansion people? It was not connected, I'll tell you in a minute. So I knew on my list I had to have some flip flops because I'm gonna be taking a shower on like a decking.

Don't wanna get a splinter. Don't wanna get a splinter or a fungus. Or athlete's foot. And then I'm like, I'm bringing my own pillows. I'm bringing my own blankets. Oh gosh. Multiple blankets, because I know how it'll be if I'm wrapped up in a blanket.

And then Christy's like, well, I don't have a blanket. I'm like, I got you a blanket too. We both had blankets, we both had pillows. And then I'm like, you know what? Did you bring a trailer, like a tractor trailer? With all your stuff in it? No, all this fit inside my vehicle because it was all mushy.

Everything I packed was like so comfy, it was compressible. And then I'm like, the piece de resistance. Never been done before, I'm bringing sleeping bags. And I'm not talking about just like a little sleeping bag, I brought, I was like, I need to get these things out anyway, let them air out. They've been stored up for a couple of years since we haven't been camping, I'm gonna bring out my mummy bags.

For beach sleeping? For just beach lounging. Like even if I'm on the lounge chairs or laying on the beach, like I'm like, the stars are gonna come out and we're gonna lay on the beach and it's gonna be romantic but it's gonna be freezing and I bet you we're not gonna wanna do it unless we can be in 14 degree rated

sleeping bags because I am very cold natured. So we got these, the mummy bags that come over your head and then you can only see your eyes and your nose if you elect to put that out of the hole. It's very romantic. Yeah. I was so excited, man, I got all that stuff. And then I'm like, and we can't forget the foods,

like the comfort foods, because again, I can't order room service, I gotta have it with me. Right. And there's not a lot of places. You gotta service your own room. There's only like two grocery stores in Malibu. Malibu doesn't have anything. Anything.

I don't even, people say there's like a market. I don't know, I've never. The market's big now. It's kinda like lots of frou-frou shops. There's gotta be something. Yeah. It's Malibu. And I'm like, all right, we gotta, Christy loves cheese, cheese is going on the list.

We both gotta have some fruits, like some raspberries and blueberries, and I gotta have my peanut butter. You're still on the list, by the way. I'm talking butter. You're still on the list by the way. I'm talking like. You're still on the list of things that you brought. I'm not even there yet. That, I mean this is.

You haven't even arrived yet. And then I'm like chips. Like I don't eat chips normally, I'm like, if this vacation's gonna be made, I'm gonna be snuggled up in a sleeping bag on the beach eating chips. And I'm like, and they gotta be those Ruffles sour cream and cheddar chips.

Those are the best. Those are the jam. And look, I told Christy I was gonna get those and I was like, and you know what? Lay's now has unruffled, unridged, normal Lay's sour cream and cheddar flavor. I saw them in Ralph's. They put the sour cream before the cheddar or you just mix that up?

They call it something different? I think they call it sour cream and cheddar. Yeah, keep people guessing. And I told Christy and she went to the store, she was like, they don't have them, but I got the Ruffles and I got Pringles sour cream and cheddar. Okay, we got lots of options.

Few days later, I'm like, we don't have enough LaCroix, I gotta go back to Ralph's, because we're still prepping. And then she's leaving and I'm- We haven't left yet. I'm driving home and I meet her as she's leaving and I hold out the window, Lay's sour cream and cheddar chips.

So we get there, we get in our cozy clothes, we both had on camo sweatshirts and camo sweatpants, the ones we sell on our website. We were so comfortable. Wow. And we were having like a good Mythical Morning tasting. Like that was the first thing we did was we broke out all of the sour cream and cheddar chips

and started tasting them and figure out which ones are the best. And you weren't even there. And which is the best? The Ruffles, you didn't get better than Ruffles. They started it. The Lay's were kind of unnatural. It was like, I know what Lay's should be

and I know what the experience is and like sour cream and onion, I mean they're the best. They're the best chips. But you start throwing cheese on a Lay's, something goes a little sideways. Okay. But those Ruffles, the thing you come to associate with it, something goes a little sideways. Okay. But those Ruffles, the thing you come to associate

with it, it's still the best. And Pringles, I don't even wanna talk about it. Christy loved them, but Pringles aren't even chips to me. Don't even, I don't even wanna talk about it. Well don't. I took a very small suitcase. What'd you eat, what'd you pack? I took a small suitcase that I packed

Really? Approximately 30 minutes before I walked out the door. Did you bring a sleeping bag for like the poolside? No sleeping bags, no pillows, no blankets. Interestingly, because it's been unusually cool here, it's actually unusually cool there. It was like 85 degrees on Saturday, which typically this time of year would be over 100.

Yeah. In Palm Springs. That's kind of perfect for poolside situation. It's perfect if you get to the poolside. Turned out to be a little bit of an issue. You couldn't find the pool? No, I found the pools. I found two pools, but they were completely filled. So Saturday. With water? but they were completely filled.

So Saturday. With water? With water and people and no places to sit. Let me back up a little bit because I gotta just kind of ease into this. Now I'd heard about this place. First of all, you go to Palm Springs Memorial Day weekend in a nice hotel, you're in, there's a high possibility of seeing someone that you would recognize from the world of entertainment.

Right? That's where the close proximity to Los Angeles and Palm Springs, wherever. And I kind of heard that this is a place, this is a people watching, people spotting kind of place. Hot spot. So I pull up in my car to have them welcome us to the hotel,

whatever, and I'm right behind a family that's gotten there at the exact same time with us, and that family was Michael Richards and family. Kramer from Seinfeld. Yes, and interestingly, so we check in basically right next to them, and then I saw them around and I saw Kramer in the hot tub and stuff. And the nature of the conversation that Jesse and I had,

which is just, I will have it again with you, is just like, you got this guy who, if you had to tell somebody who didn't know who Michael Richards was, who Michael Richards was, you'd say, well, he was on this famous show. Yeah, he was a tall guy in Seinfeld. He was super funny and he would, you know, he had a license plate on his car that said ass man.

But then. And every time he walked in, everyone would cheer and clap, it was awesome. But then. There was a controversy because he went, he got belligerent at like a standup and somebody was filming him and he spouted some racial epithets.

Yeah, so like as bad as it gets. And what year would you think that that was? I don't know, 2004? Oh, 2006, I was like, ah, I thought it was more recent. 2006, so 13 years ago, right? This guy who was known and beloved for playing this character does this thing that now, like, when you go to his Wikipedia entry,

it's like, that's kind of the thing that you find. Okay. So we're talking about a guy who was canceled before people got canceled, you know what I'm saying? Like, now we're in the whole cancel culture, but. Yeah. This is back when you really had to, you had to lean into it and you had to do something

to get canceled. So you got canceled and I was in like, he doesn't do standup anymore. I know nothing about the guy. Did you talk to him? No, I didn't talk to him. You just talked about him. Yeah, but it was just interesting

because I was like, I just wonder what this guy's life is like now. I mean, obviously. Same as yours apparently. Obviously, he made enough money and probably continues to bring in a lot of money with the syndication of Seinfeld. I don't know how that works,

but that he's able to go to this hotel and he's got a family and whatever. But yeah, because of that thing he did and the conclusions, potentially rightfully so, that people came to about him because of the thing thing he did, and the conclusions, potentially rightfully so, that people came to about him because of the thing that he did, that's just what he's known for. It was just kind of an interesting thing to be like,

I look at this guy, and that's what I'm thinking about, and he knows that's what everyone's thinking about. You know what I'm saying? It's just an interesting thing that can, that kind of, whether you wanna call it a mistake or whether you wanted to call it he was just being himself and his true self came out, whatever you wanna say, however you wanna judge that,

that is what people know him for. And it was just an interesting thing to just be around it. But that was kinda what you're looking for with the people watching. Now you got this fascinating case study and like public perception. Yeah, and I'm like, is he constantly, surely he's no longer constantly thinking about it

because you couldn't live your life if you're constantly thinking about that. But we'll move on from Michael Richards. You didn't find a place at the pool. You saw him when you checked in. I saw him when I checked in. Okay, so then the next morning, we decide, well, we had already made reservations to get a massage.

When you go, it's another thing you don't get in an Airbnb unless you call somebody in. And when you call somebody in for a massage, things get weird. No, or there's other ways to get a massage. Okay, all right. So we went to this, they had this incredible, incredible spa that was like sailor themed.

It was totally ridiculous, but in a very interesting, fun way. I would like to retract my statement earlier, by the way. Okay. After 19 years of marriage, there is no other way to get a massage. There is no other way, good. It's like, let's be real.

Good recovery. I mean, we're not gonna sit around and just like, give each other a massage. I mean, we pay other people to do that. You're exactly right. And okay. There's other things we can do, but massages, that requires, you know.

Interesting, okay, again, this is a Seinfeld reference that I didn't even realize until right now. But we get there and the woman at the front desk says, I'm like, I'm here for our nine o'clock massage or whatever. And she's like, oh, I need to inform you that we only have male masseuses available, is that okay? And of course my knee-jerk reaction is to be like, yes, of course.

And but then the George Costanza in me is thinking, well, I'm not as comfortable with that. And I don't know why, right? Yeah, I've gotten an all-male massage before. But the funny thing is is Jessie said, as we were waiting, she was like, it's interesting that both of us, both of us are more comfortable

with receiving a massage from a woman. And now because we're receiving a massage from a woman. And now because we're receiving a massage from a man, it's different. And I was like, you know what? But it's not really, I've never gotten a massage from a man. So I was like, but you know what? I'm in Palm Springs, it's no different. I'm gonna lean into it.

I believe I had the best massage I've ever had. I am still sore. Cause you didn't make it sexual or he was just good at it. Well, I've never made a massage sexual, which is the weird thing. But isn't there like some subconscious sexual component? That's the George, the whole episode was about

if it's not sexual, which it's not, it's somebody rubbing your muscles in a technically non-intimate way. They're rubbing your muscles for- A clinical way. In like a therapeutic way. But because we're animals, we're humans, you naturally interpret the touch as sensual.

Right, there's oil involved, there's music playing, the lights are low, there's rubbing involved. I mean all the ingredients, I mean of course, I didn't say it's business time. Okay, spa. I didn't say it's business time. Play Dungeon Sounds. And it didn't turn on my lights a certain color

that I like particularly and lower my shades and play in playlist that I've meticulously put together. But everything else was this is a sensual environment. But then in the moment, and so then it was like, so why is it that if you sense this as a slightly sensual environment, that therefore it makes you more comfortable if a woman is the one doing it?

What is what? This is kind of exposing. What does that say about me? Right? I got out of my own head and I was like, I'm just here for a massage and it was, I mean, I'm telling you, it was next level. Well, if you wanna, I mean.

This guy found parts of me that I didn't know I had. And then he rubbed them out of you? He worked me so hard. That's great. In a completely nonsensual way. That's great, you know what? In a totally professional therapeutic way. Yeah.

And now you know what type of energy you need to bring to every massage. Well, and then I started thinking that I was having sexist thoughts about masseuses. I got through with the massage and I was like, that's the best massage I've ever had. And then I was like, am I saying that because it was a man? What's wrong with me?

Just think too much, man. Well, I think you need to think more, but just quietly. My wife fell asleep. Oh really, did you hear her snore? Yes. She does it every single time we get couples massage. There's not enough pain. Just towards the end though.

She told me before we went in, she said, if I fall asleep and start snoring, you have to say something. And then it happened and I was like, it's almost over. Yeah. Just let it ride. And then she woke herself up, she snored so loud. Really?

Yeah, one time. I've done that before. It feels weird when you're like, oh how long have I been out? They just been, I mean if, you know, you could gently just stop and the masseuse could just like take a breather. Right.

You know, it's like to keep working it. Yeah, go on their phone. Yeah, one hand on the phone. But that's why I didn't get a spot at the pool because the early morning massage and then you get out there at like 11 o'clock, no spots. The grounds are incredible so we went and we sat in some chairs somewhere

and then we got in a hammock and read. People are- It was awesome but we didn't get to do the people watching. Were people saving lounge chairs or were they in them? No, no. They have a strict- I hate that saying. They have a strict no saving policy because they know that they don't have enough space.

So they say that if you're gone for 20 minutes, they're gonna move your stuff. They move your stuff. So we put our names on a list and we literally never got called. Oh wow. We didn't get called. Never went to the, we eventually got into the family pool, onto the family pool.

But there were kids there, that sucked. And that's when I met another person of note, but I've been talking for too long, so what else happened with you? Well, as you can imagine, we got our chips, we got our blankets, we got our sweatpants on that next morning. I mean, we went to a nice restaurant that first night.

But that first day, there was no one on the beach in front of us, it was almost eerie. I mean, this was Memorial Day weekend, there's nobody on this beach, because it feels like a private beach. And there's not many access points, and on the access points, there's not much parking. Malibu is, again, it was kind of extraordinary

to get this place. It's designed to keep the people out. We laid on our lounge chairs and we watched the ocean and just kind of talked and hung out and ate our chips, tried to figure out which ones were the best. I told you the answer to that. But it was glorious. I told Christy after a while, I was like,

you know, we're sitting here, we're watching these waves with as much intention as we watch an episode of Game of Thrones. It's a, and I use the word intention, I mean, there's a little bit of a, there's a meditative aspect to the waves and I began to reflect on it and I was like, it kind of feels like when you're camping

and you just find yourself staring at the campfire. You know, that's one of my favorite things about camping is that yes, you could be on your phone, but you're not tempted to like go watch Game of Thrones in your tent, you're like, you're mesmerized by the fire. And in a very similar way, we're like mesmerized by the ocean waves right there, just beyond eye shot of our toes,

well, or the end of the sleeping bags. And my reflection was, I think that there's something about being so close to something so powerful as either fire or the ocean, and knowing that you're completely safe, but there's this like constant, you know, it could kill you if it got out of control. Especially when you're in a sleeping bag.

But you're right there. You get in the ocean in a sleeping bag, especially one of those mummy ones up around your eyes, you're a goner. Yeah, you're going to the bottom. Yeah, fast. But there's something meditative about sitting there and like, you know what, there's people who,

they like live on the beach and they like get to know everything like some dolphins started coming by. You know how sometimes we paddle board, we like paddle board over the pod of dolphins. Like you see them come by and then you get to know the birds and the more you sit there with like a little discipline to like not do anything else, we didn't even read a book.

The more the scene kinda comes alive. It's like oh, there's birds over there and they're diving into the ocean. It was, in explaining it, it doesn't seem that special but that was a very special moment for us. And then you talk about people watching. All of a sudden, this bodybuilder dude, shirtless bodybuilder, bald behemoth with big muscles

comes down and he had headphones on and he takes his headphones off, he doesn't see us. And he puts them down on the beach in front of us. Because you're in camo. Yeah, because we were in camo. And these two dogs run up to him. It was like, oh they were his dogs. And then he gets out his camera and he starts,

his phone, his camera on his phone, and he starts, he goes into this like. He has a camera on his phone? Yeah, pretty crazy. And he like goes into this like. What? Long, drawn out photo session where he's flexing and leaning over

and taking pictures. How close are you to this man? How does he not see you? Well there was some grass kinda growing in front of us and we were kinda hunching down and whispering about it. You were hiding from him. But I did film it. I would say he was about, I don't know,

I'd say he's about 30 yards away but I'm not a football player. Were the dogs in play? He was taking selfies with him and his two dogs. He was flexing dog pictures. Yeah, and then- That's a fetish. Dude was like, had bulbous muscles,

like the ones on your shoulder and on your back. Traps, lets. He had it all, man. And he was taking photos and we were watching him. And we started to feel uncomfortable. I started to feel like I needed to make noise. Whoop whoop! Yeah, so they'd be like, hey man, we're here.

Yeah, you're being watched, sir. But we didn't. And then when he got done taking his photos for his Instagram apparently, then he's putting his headphones on and like getting his dogs back on the leash and like, Chris is like, he's gonna see us. And then he like scans back this way,

I'm like, he just saw us. I was like, I'm gonna give him the thumbs up. Yeah. Gave him a thumbs up. And then he didn't stare at me, he just kinda like, I could tell he saw me and then acted like he didn't. He's like, oh now I'm gonna play it cool, like I meant to be here, I knew you were watching, it's fine. Yeah, thumbs up. Then he walks me and then acted like he didn't. He's like, oh, now I'm gonna play it cool. Like I meant to be here.

I knew you were watching. It's fine. Thumbs up. Then he walks away and I look over and I'm like, this mansion beside me, this is interesting. There's no signs of life there. It's a huge like 1990s era modern style, like white with just windows all over it. And it was clearly on the same property

and we were in the guest house. But there's no signs of life there. I walk over there through the gate, I'm like, oh, there's a gate there beyond the outhouse. And I look in and it's like, it's gutted. The freaking mansion's gutted, like they halted in the middle of renovations. And I'm like, of course now I'm gonna check all the doors

to see if any of them are unlocked. Because I wanna explore this place, it's huge. The only door that was open led to the, yeah you're surprised, eyebrows going up, led to the basement. So I opened the door and then it was like a long staircase down to the basement, it's pitch black. So I'm like, I gotta go back and get my phone.

For my flashlight. Your phone has a flashlight staircase down to the basement. It's pitch black, so I'm like, I gotta go back and get my phone for my flashlight. Your phone has a flashlight on it? Yeah, dude. What? I tell Christy, I'm going down in this basement. She's like, I'm staying here in the sleeping bag. Good. I turn on the flashlight and I go down there and it smells like a basement.

And there's like this room with like padding all over it and there was this symbol cleaner and I'm like, ooh, a musician used to, like a drummer used to drum down in here. Cymbal cleaner, okay. And it was like this creepy basement and then I realized, oh, the light switches turn on. Lights do the work. So I put my flashlight away.

I was still kinda creeped out. And then there was a wine cellar. Yeah, you're trespassing. That had no wine anywhere except one open bottle of champagne on the floor and I'm like, I didn't drink it or anything. But it was kinda creepy and I'm like, I didn't drink it or anything. But it was kinda creepy and I'm like, man, what if I get caught down here?

And then I walked over and I opened this door and there was, I can't believe I was doing this. Can you believe that I did this? I'm a little surprised. Something you would do but I'd be too afraid to do this. I was like, what would Rhett do? He would open this door and it was an elevator. What?

So I get in the elevator. No. No. I'm not getting in the elevator. Yeah. Just getting stuck in somebody's abandoned elevator. Yeah, that would suck. So then I came back and I told Christy about it.

I'm like, yeah, the house is gutted and this is what I found and I just kept lounging. But after that point, I just couldn't help but keep looking over there at that mansion and then just to skip ahead when it got dark, I found myself getting pretty creeped out about this mansion and I started to realize when we walked down the beach earlier today,

there were a couple of other mansions on this one particular street that this guest house was on and all of the homes were under some stage of reconstruction or renovation and it had been halted. And so on either side there's two huge mansions, nobody in them, abandoned. And I started, and as the sun went down. You transported into another time.

I just started to get creeped out by it. I was like, is this gonna ruin my night? Because I just started feeling like zombies could be in there or something. It was just, it was post-apocalyptic. This one particular beach access private road had all these mansions on it and for some, my theory is some weird Malibu zoning regulation issue.

Everybody had to stop renovations and no one wants to buy or sell or move on this stuff. But this one guy, he put up the guest house on Airbnb. It was very clean and nice and new. But I mean, on one hand, it was creepy. On the other hand, it provided complete privacy on either side because these mansions that were looming over us and all the windows are open, there's nobody in there.

And at night. You think Muscle Dog Man is just, he's just a visitor? He had walked down from somewhere else. So I would say if I had to, that was the only drawback was like I was a little creeped out by the fact that like we were in an abandoned neighborhood basically. It sounds pretty cool to me, man. I was creeped out.

I didn't wanna tell Christy, but you know, Christy didn't seem to be creeped out so I didn't wanna tell her. I don't think it's that creepy. I mean, if you were staying in one of the houses. There's like Instagram feeds that are just like abandoned porn, I think that's what it's called. Yeah, well, not abandoned porn.

Ruin porn. Yeah, ruin porn. It's basically just people taking pictures of architecture that nobody's inhabited it for like decades. Yeah, I'm a big fan of that. I have a whole book about that. That Jesse got me for something. It's different when you're camping there.

We are gonna get to the secret to a long marriage. I do wanna tell one more story before we. Spoiler alert, I think I'm kinda answering it along the way. Okay. I saw someone else while we were at the pool. Now first of all, we were at the pool and. See Seinfeld? Kramer's in the hot tub and we're sitting there lounging

and we finally got a spot at the family pool. And I'm trying to get away from my kids and I got all these freaking kids playing games and yelling at each other and splashing. That's horrible. That's what happens each other and splashing. That's horrible. That's what happens at the family pool. That's why there's an adults only pool but it was too freaking filled.

So anyway, I'm sitting there just despising children that they even exist and then all of a sudden they say, excuse me, everyone out of the pool. What? First of all, I wasn't in the pool. I was on the side, never got in the pool. Didn't touch the water, thankfully. Oh no. I think a kid took a shit in the pool or pool. What? First of all, I wasn't in the pool. I was on the side, never got in the pool. Didn't touch the water, thankfully. Oh no.

I think a kid took a shit in the pool or something. Really? I don't know what happened, but they made everybody get out. You didn't see the evidence? And 30 minutes had to pass and they cleaned some stuff and they put some chemicals in there. Yeah, you know it.

In the meantime. Somebody doing some logging. Lots of people kept showing up and starting to get into the pool and because Jessie and I were seated right next to the corner of the pool, we became the pool police. Oh no.

So I literally had to wait for people to get in and be like, sorry guys, no one's supposed to be in the pool. Now after four times. You waited for them to get in first though? No no, because I was reading. I'm reading and then I would look up and there'd be somebody putting their feet in the pool. That's just, you can't get in there.

They're doing their cleaning. So then Jesse was like, you need to tell them to put a sign up because we shouldn't have to do this. We shouldn't have to be the pool police. That's right. But then a family walked up and did a double check. I was like, oh, it's that guy. And he was getting ready to get in the pool.

I'm like, you can't get in the pool right now. There's some, there's chemicals or something in there. And then he said something, he was getting ready to get in the pool. I'm like, you can't get in the pool right now. There's some, there's chemicals or something in there. And then he said something, he was British. He had a quippy sort of response like, thanks for the radioactivity warning or something like that. And I was like, that's the guy, who the crap? That guy's in everything. It's one of those guys like,

have no idea what your name is, sir. But I have, and I can't even say what the last movie I saw that you were in, but you're in everything. You're a world-class actor. I just kept you and your family from getting into a turd pool. And, um. You were glad there wasn't a sign.

So then I was like, what? I just saw a movie with this guy in it. I just saw a movie and this guy was the villain. He was the villain. Shazam! He's the villain from Shazam. Oh I thought when you realized something you just now said Shazam. Shazam, I got it.

He's from Shazam. Turns out, and of course, I still don't know his name, right, so then I have to go on IMDB and follow the rabbit hole. He's bald. He's the bald guy from Shazam. His name is Mark Strong. Okay. And you have seen this man. You know who he is. I've from Shazam. His name is Mark Strong. Okay. And you have seen this man.

You know who he is. I've seen Shazam. And not only was he in Shazam, this guy has just a storied acting career. I mean, he's been in everything. What are you doing? Like, you were asking him this? What have you been in?

No, no, because I'm on IMDB and then he's, what? He was in this and then I watch a- You're sitting there in your lounger on IMDB? And then I watch a WatchMojo thing on YouTube of all his top 10 performances. And of course this is so- Hold on, right there in the lounger? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, he had left.

You were still in the lounger watching a WatchMojo video? I went into a Mark Strong wormhole and he was somewhere else on the property enjoying himself and then that night we go to the restaurant, we sit down, Mark Strong and family come and sit down next to us and I'm just kinda listening in to his conversation with the waiter as he orders. He orders with so much gravitas and authority.

I mean, you gotta be around, you wouldn't understand until you were around Mark Strong or at least in close proximity to him. This guy's a class act. Were you saying these type of things to Jesse? Every time I saw him, Jesse got so annoyed I started leaning into him. I said, I would be like world class actor,

Mark Strong is here. I would be like world class actor, Mark Strong is here. I would be like one of the greatest actors of our time, Mark Strong and family just arrived to the restaurant. Okay, and she. I had a good time with that. It worked for a while, she thought it was very funny and then she thought it was annoying and then I did stop. Never talked to him but it's pretty thrilling.

The only other people I saw were at the same spot as the sun was going down, these two girls in bikinis came up and they started taking pictures apparently for their Instagram. Yeah. And it's not an easy thing to do. They didn't see us either and for 20 minutes,

they're sitting there taking pictures, looking at the pictures, not being happy, taking more pictures. That's not good. The girl showed up in bikinis and then they set up the camera with the timer on the backpack and then they would get up, she would run and pose beside her friend, stick her butt out.

Yeah you got to. And then she would look at the picture and then Christy would be like, yeah, too much butt. And then she would go back and she would do it again and she would turn her butt and it wouldn't be out as far. And like Christy knew exactly, she could read their minds. Yeah, too much butt. And then the one girl, she put on jean shorts.

I gotta have a jort shot. And then the other girl put on pants. Yeah. And it got less and less interesting to me. You know why they do that? It make it seem like they're going back. What do you mean going back? Multiple trips. Be like, oh, this is, you can post multiple times.

You can have, you know this is when I went to the, this is when I went to Malibu that day and wore jorts. And this is when I went and I wore full jeans. And this is when I went and I just had a bikini bottom on. I think it's so that you can scroll right, you know I'm on Instagram again now, shout out to Link Lamont. You can scroll right and take their clothes off

like a paper doll. Oh, well yeah, that's a different thing though. Scroll left, put the clothes back on. Yeah. That was my best guess. You gotta really line yourself up well to do that though. You know it felt. And also Instagram, once you see nipple,

unless it's a male nipple. Well they didn't get naked. They take it down. They didn't get naked but I wasn't gonna move. I mean, and I wasn't gonna stop watching because hey, this is my spot on the beach. You just happened to be here. It was, it was.

It was entertainment. Yeah it wasn't dolphins or in storks but it'll do for a few minutes. It's not Mark Strong. I mean, you know, Mark Strong stayed, he wore a long sleeve black shirt and black shorts. Long sleeve black shirt and black shorts. Long sleeve black shirt. I was like, this guy's a badass, man, look at him.

Really? He's wearing black. Did you see any selfies happen? I bet he doesn't take selfies. Oh no, he doesn't have any camera. He doesn't have a phone. Mark Strong doesn't have a phone. He doesn't need a phone.

No. He has gravitas. You communicate with Mark Strong with smoke signals, man. Maybe letters, maybe hand, Mark Strong only responds to handwritten letters. Really? I could tell just by looking at him. You write him a letter, then he burns it

and sends you a smoke signal back. Yeah, exactly. That's how you know he got it. He doesn't write letters, no, he only reads letters. He sends smoke signals in response. You gotta know how to read them. His agent and manager, they know how to read them. His agent and manager, they know how to read those smoke signals.

Now, getting to the secret to a long marriage. I've been married 19 years. I've only been married 18 years. And not even that, because it's not until this weekend. But my wife was reading. You don't think you're gonna make it this weekend? No, I believe I will. My wife is reading a book.

Now this is, you know, it's interesting because I feel like my wife is, we've been in a relationship for a long time, but I can count on one hand the number of books that I've read about relationships. Whereas she probably needs both hands, feet, and some other limbs that I don't even know about to count how many books she's read about relationships.

Yeah, that probably says a lot more about you than her. I think it also just speaks to her capacity for self-betterment and learning about, you know, she's a better person than I am. She's a better person than I am. Same thing with Christy in terms of like her reading those type of books. Right.

Like either parenting or like self improvement or relationship improvement. It might just be that we're perfect and we don't need it, but I wasn't gonna be the first one to say that. Anyway, she's reading a book called Mating and Captivity, which I thought, okay. All right, handcuffs. What is this about? It's Esther Perel who has written,

she's like a relationships expert and she's written this book that's super popular at this point and Jesse's like reading it. And based on this question, it's all about, and again, I'm speaking from total secondhand knowledge of the book having just been next to someone in a hammock who was reading it. Okay, literally secondhand.

That's the kind of source that I am here. But Jesse would like stop and like say something and like it led to conversations about our relationship because it's all about this interesting paradox that exists in long-term relationships and that is the fact that the separateness and the distance that you have with someone that you're just meeting,

just getting to know, drives the desire and the sort of the romantic connection between two people. It's that unfamiliarity that you have with somebody that you're kind of getting to know and falling in love with that draws you closer. But then, so love kind of closes the distance between two people, but it's the distance

and sort of the separateness and the tension that fuels desire. And so what happens in a lot of relationships over the long term is there's so much familiarity that there's no more mystery, and then people start thinking, well, I'm not even attracted to this person. There's no desire here, it's just this love relationship.

And she, in this very exquisite way, kind of breaks down this from a psychological perspective. I'm definitely gonna read the book at this point based on just the few things that Jessie has told me, but we were kind of talking about that. And I think that I would say that in relationships, first of all, relationships can last for, it can be indefinite if people are just committed

to each other or just committed to the idea of staying with each other and there's lots of people who just stay with each other for external reasons, for the sake of children, because they believe that divorce is wrong. Whatever the reason is, they just stay together because of some expectation but it's not actual desire to stay together, right?

So I would say that in relationships that are long term, like we're saying like over the course of several years or more or whatever, 10 years or more, I don't know, I think that one of the keys to people continuing to be together in a healthy sort of vibrant situation is something that they've done either intentional or unintentional, we can talk about that, has led to there being enough of a separation

and distance and mystery that has maintained some level of desire and of course, that's gonna ebb and flow over the course of a relationship. But it's a fascinating concept because I think that people all the time, they say say like you gotta spice things up in the bedroom man, you know? You gotta get Google involved. You gotta have Google to do things automatically

because if not it's gonna seem like the same old thing and this repetition and familiarity, if you're a normal human, eventually you're gonna be like, where's the mystery? What is there left to talk about? There's a Jason Isbell song that talks about the old couple sitting across from each other in the restaurant and they basically got nothing else to say to each other.

He's got nothing else to learn about his heart or something like that is the line. And it says, and then it's like, "'Baby, let's never get that way' is the words to that song." And I think that it's having a desire to never get that way where you've got nothing left to talk about. Now, I don't have any prescriptive thing about it, but what is your initial assessment of that dynamic?

Well, first of all, the title of the book, "'Made It In Captivity," so the captivity is marriage? So it seems like it's framed in a negative way, which I find interesting that then it's like you're trapped in a committed relationship. But obviously that's not the thrust of the book. As far as I understand it, it's about finding that kind of passion and desire

and knowing also that this is how, it's almost being familiar with how the human mind works and how understanding, it isn't that people, like people are like, I was so in love at one point and I just don't love you anymore and I want a new romance. This happens again and again and again and again. Infatuated. She actually talks about the hormones.

The hormones that are predominant in that falling in love, initial romance sort of spark, those last for a certain time and then they wane. But the hormones that actually contribute to things like cuddling, they last a lot longer and last way deep into a relationship. Well it's interesting because Christy and I were having a discussion when we were sleeping,

bagging it up, like enjoying the dolphins and the mesmerizing ocean and the Instagrammers. I don't remember what got me talking about this, but it is related to your point. And that is, I said, do you ever just have this overwhelming sense of being alone? Because I rarely have that sense. You know, it's like I've always had, I've never lived alone.

I've always had a roommate. And then I moved from having like a college roommate, you and our other friends, directly into, you know, living with her. None of us, none of the four of us have ever lived alone. And I was like, sometimes I think in more of this, like the meditative zone of being on the beach

and like having that discipline that I talked about to take in the environment and appreciate it and find entertainment or whatever, you know, find fill in the blank in it without trying to be distracted. I did have this overwhelming sense of like, there is an aspect of being, there's a certain autonomy to like no one can ever be inside your own brain. You know, no one can ever be inside your own brain. No one can ever be inside your own consciousness.

At a certain point, when you boil it all down, you are encapsulated and alone. You're your own entity. As much as I share with Christy, so I asked her that, because I was like, but I rarely feel that, and I actually think, and I told her, well, I asked her that, because I was like, but I rarely feel that and I actually think, and I told her, well, I asked her the question first.

I said, do you ever feel that way? And she was like, yeah, a lot. I have a sense of being alone. I mean, and sometimes that translates into depression. You're saying like a sadness of being alone. Yeah, a sadness of being alone because, and I think, and I said, she kinda. Sometimes I just go to the bathroom

and shut the door and I don't even poop. Just to be alone. But having an overwhelming sense of being lonely is an aspect of depression. It can be, I guess. So she was laughing at me that I had not experienced that. Do you ever feel alone? And I talked about it as if it was such a foreign concept.

So to many people, including her, it's not. And she was able to laugh in that moment, which I thought was beautiful. And I was like, I think the reason why I don't is because I run from that feeling. It's not that it's there, but that I spent a lot of my life not being comfortable with the sensation of loneliness. And I equate it with being alone with my own thoughts,

being alone with myself. I mean, as connected as Christy and I are, we're not the same person. So there is that tension that I think what you said made me think of that because, and again, I'll come back to it one more time. I think one of the keys to Christy and I being together for 19 years and anticipating

being together the rest of our lives, that's absolutely the plan. And having a confidence in that is, I mean, on a practical level, we're just so compatible. Like everything that I said about this trip, like making my list and the things that I valued and like being in comfy clothes and this, like the fact that I wanted to design

our anniversary vacation in the way that I did and it seemed so perfect to me and like, Christy thought it was funny, the things that I was doing in terms of like putting chips and cozy pants on the list but at the same time, I knew that she was also really into it. Like, and it's just, that's just a case study in how I think we're very compatible

when it comes to the way we think and our taste and like the way that our brains work, the way the things that we value. At the same time, we have changed so much as people from who we were 19 years ago. Yeah. We're totally different people. And I know that you and Jesse, as well as I know you guys,

in many aspects are totally different people. We've grown that you and Jesse, as well as I know you guys, in many aspects are totally different people. We've grown so much, we've encountered so much in life. And with everything you encounter, the big things and the cumulative effect of all the small things that you wouldn't even put on a list are all opportunities to grow apart or grow together. So, and I think just the glue of our compatibility has allowed us to face change and continue to develop

as people like in a parallel path. But I also think that it's not 100% parallel and we don't always respond to things that happen in our lives in the same way or think or believe the same things or agree on the same things or whatever at every point. Well, and I would say. And there's that, so I'm getting that,

there's that autonomy of, yeah, we are individuals going through life together and that tension. And I think that that's key. And again, I wouldn't have, I mean, I did say, and I think I said it on Ear Biscuits at some point when I was talking about this exact same thing about the fact that we had changed so much. Right.

And Jessie and I have changed in parallel but in different ways and at different rates and in different ways at different times and that has created tension at points, right? It's created, there have been points at which we were so much on a different page that you might, and I don't think we ever really started to realistically think about this

but there have been times in our marriage where we were on a different page and you begin, you have those thoughts where you're like, is this the beginning? Is this the beginning of us growing apart forever? Like sometimes you're like, is this what it feels like when you start to grow apart? Now thankfully, each and every time that has happened,

it's ended up kind of fueling this, once we do get on the same page or there's some sort of reconciliation or whatever, it's this dynamic that she's talking about in the book, which is like now the desire is renewed and you feel like you're moving into a new phase. There's this, I'm not talking about, you gotta have a little instability

in order to maintain long-term stability. I'm not, I am kind of saying that, but not saying that you get to have purposeful instability. I'm just saying that it has helped maintain a certain freshness and a sense of adventure in the fact that- Tension. We both are really committed to like change.

Like we kind of embrace change and there's like, sort of like striving for personal change. Some of that has been intentional and some of that has just happened to us through life circumstance or whatever. But I kind of feel like there's been a number of key points where I felt like, oh, we're like embarking on a new journey just as a couple, not just as in our relationship,

but just what we're doing in life, it's the same thing. It's like, I remember a good friend of mine talked about his wife getting sort of a drastically new haircut. Uh-huh. And the way he was talking to it, he was just like, it's like a whole new woman. You know, and his point was, is that that kind of like, it's like a whole new woman. And his point was is that that kind of like,

oh, you can't ignore that that's a dynamic in the way that people think. And I guess some people might need that more than others, but this willingness to be like, I'm gonna change, I'm changing myself, I'm evolving. You're evolving, you're changing. But underlying all that change is this commitment to be like, well, we're doing it for the betterment

of ourselves, but we're also doing it for the betterment of our relationship long term. Like, there's gotta be a sense of commitment because you can't just rely on this, ooh, the romance comes and goes, and I just gotta keep hoping that it keeps coming back. If there's not an underlying commitment to be like, no, no, we're committed to each other,

then it's not gonna work. And I think it's a, yeah, there's a foundational commitment to love each other, which involves lots of times putting the other person before yourself. Yeah. But I think there's also a commitment to continuing to like each other that matters a whole lot. It's a different thing, right?

It's like, and I feel like I did have a mentality that was like, okay, we're gonna, earlier in marriage that was like, okay, we're gonna figure this out and we're just gonna have a plan and it's all gonna, you know, we're gonna agree on out and we're just gonna have a plan and we're gonna agree on everything and everything's gonna, there's gonna be security

in everything being aligned. We're gonna be like those couples, we're just gonna start looking alike and being alike and we're gonna become one person. And that happens quite a bit, by the way. And it happens in what would otherwise be considered and could be considered happy couples in a sense in that they're committed and they're together.

Now, there may not be a lot of sparks in that relationship, but it's solid and it's committed. But I think there was a shift in the fact that like, you know, when life throws crap at you or whatever the case may be, you're changing for whatever the reasons that embracing that as an opportunity to work through that

with another person that you're committed to is it can be extremely rewarding, but it might take a while. But knowing that I'm not just falling back on a commitment to love, but I'm also pressing into a commitment to like. Yeah, definitely. Helps a lot, I think. And I would say that another key,

this is not a comprehensive exhaustive list, it's just some observations, but I think that, well, I know that communication, I'm sure there's couples who don't talk about this nature of their relationship or the quality of their relationship and how it can be better and what are the issues and that kind of thing.

And they may, especially I would say that like baby boomers and older might be in a relationship where it's like, they haven't talked about their relationship in 20 years, but they're like, what else are we gonna do? What else would I do? Who else would I go to? This is stable, this gives me what I need. But I would think, especially for our generation

and younger, that's not gonna work. You know what I'm saying? I think that you've got to be able to talk about your relationship. Like Jessie's reading this book and she's like, stops and like asks me questions. And we have a discussion about it and I am gonna read the book with an intention that,

well what does this mean about our relationship? I mean this goes for anything. This goes for friendships, anything, right? Like you gotta stop every once in a while and actually talk about it. I mean, we've been talking lately about, we just kinda, we know couples who know couples who are like young married couples

and like they haven't figured out their sex lives at all because they will not talk about it., you know what I'm saying? Like they're so not on the same page because they haven't broken through this, what I guess for some people is this awkward barrier to be like, let's talk openly about what it is we're hoping to accomplish, what you want, what I want. Yeah.

And that goes for every single area. And I would just say that one of the, and Jessie and I talked about this, is like one of the things that has kind of gotten us through these transitions and these changes and these ups and downs and learning all this new stuff about ourselves is just the fact that even when it's been hard, we've talked about it.

When we weren't on the same page, we were talking about not being on the same page. We didn't just not, we just didn't get off on, we didn't get on different pages and then stop talking to each other. There was, there may have been a few days where we weren't talking about it. Right.

But we would always get back to like, all right, let's have an open dialogue about our relationship. I just don't see how it can continue without that. And I mean to kind of bring this to a conclusion, ultimately, I'm just gonna take a position of being, I'm so grateful having over 19 plus then two plus years of dating,

everything that Christy and I have been through individually and together, I'm just grateful that everything's an opportunity to bring you closer or to send you apart a little bit. And sometimes both, one thing can do both in either order. You know, it's such a dynamic thing, every relationship, but I can't think of any more dynamic than, you know, with a partner, like being married.

It's just, I'm just, I just cannot take credit for us being together and like with the stuff that we've listed out and the insights that we feel like we have. A lot of it is just luck. Well, yeah, and it's just luck, fortune, blessing, whatever you wanna call it, I'm extremely grateful that we find ourselves that I've had the privilege

to go through life with someone up to this point and know someone so well and still be loved and liked. It's an amazing feeling to be at like looking at the 20 year mark and knowing that I've got something this special that like I hoped for, but knew that there were no guarantees that it would happen. It's kind of become a thing that, especially in Los Angeles,

when you say you've been married for 18 or 19 years, people are like, is this a joke? You guys been married that long? Well, I like to interpret it as, oh, you look so young, first of all, but then once I get over that as not being the reason, then what? And again, and I completely agree with everything that you said that this is not based on, listen, I don't have,

I have, if I know anything, it's that I know a whole lot less than I thought I did at 20. I know a whole lot less than I thought I did at 30. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like with every year that passes, I'm just more aware of how little that I understand.

It's kind of intimidating. And how much is left to learn about the world and myself and my wife. So I'm not saying that we've done anything. I feel very, like what you said, very privileged that it's turned out this way. Because I'm sure there could have been some parallel universe.

There was an event that happened in the relationship of Rhett and Jessie that was too much for them to bear. You know what I'm saying? And I've been able to avoid that. It's not like, oh no, there was that thing I can point to that was we almost didn't hang on, but we did. It's like, no, it's like, like I said, there's been ups and downs

but this has been an adventure of growing in partnership with somebody that I still, when I think about I get to go away for a weekend, I'm like I get to go with her away for a weekend. And that's something that I want to do. You know what? But maybe that Strong guy will be there too. If Mark Strong is there, it'll be even better.

Or just a strong guy with dogs. World-class, storied career, best actor of our generation, Mark Strong. He looked happy in his marriage. He's probably been, he's 55 years old. Sorry Mark, but you can go on IMDB and figure that out. He looks like he's been with his wife for a while. Got some teenage kids.

Looks very happy. Sure, if Mark Strong wants to come on, we don't even have guests anymore, but if Mark Strong wants to come on and talk about how you have a strong marriage, you are welcome anytime, sir. You can replace Link. You can sit right there in that seat.

I'm all for it. All right. You got a rec for us? We love our wives, but much more importantly, they love us. That's the extraordinary part. That is the crazy part. Sure, I got a rec for you, man. I feel like this is gonna be,

this is a music recommendation. Dang, this is gonna be, it's gonna be polarizing. Uh-oh. For the youngsters out there, they're gonna be like, what, okay, I'll check it out, that's cool, but like, I'm gonna recommend Aja by Steely Dan. I'm gonna recommend the whole album and I'm gonna acquire it.

And then I'm gonna recommend that you watch classic albums series on the making of that album because these guys went into the, you know, they're both dead now, but when they were living, they decided to stop touring as a band. Steely and Dan? Steely Dan became like a studio band

and they're like these like ultra perfectionists like making this pristine studio music. But the song Aja, A-J-A, that's a wild ride, man. And that's also the name of the album? Yeah, crazy album. That's a wild ride, man. And that's also the name of the album? Yeah. Crazy album. They turned Michael, the song Peg is on there. They turned Michael McDonald's backup vocals

into like a synthesizer. Like they got him to sing and they mixed it in that way. It's crazy. It's just very, every choice that you could make musically, they made unexpectedly on purpose. And the most geek, you know, to be a Steely Dan fan, like really, is like a very geeky thing to do.

What activities do you recommend to do while listening to it? Laying in bed with headphones on while your wife sleeps, just. I go to sleep before my wife. Oh, oh, well, I wouldn't do it while she's awake. It's just listening to music. You can do something better while she's awake.

Or is it more than that? What do I not understand here? Such a weird ride, that song. It's like a weird amusement park ride of music. Okay, Aja, Steely Dan. All right, this has been another Ear Biscuit. A little bit longer, we baked this one a little bit longer for you,

but we didn't overcook it, hopefully. Lots of love and marriage and beach and pool life. Let us know about what you think the keys to a long, committed relationship are, or a strong relationship, specifically. If you're Mark Strong, I'm willing to read anything that you do, let us know with hashtag Ear Biscuits. We'll interact, let's interact on the internet.

Thank you, we'll speak at you next week. I love you and I like you.