Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 231: Link's Apology | Ear Biscuits Ep. 231

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

An on-air mistake, a heartfelt dialogue, and the word that never existed. Link opens up about a recent conversation he had with his old babysitter's granddaughter and how it has changed the way he will conduct himself from here on out on this episode of Ear Biscuits! (1:51) - a story of confrontation (5:46) - R's morning mishap (18:38) - the word that never existed (27:53) - an emotional FaceBook message (35:02) - Link's apology (42:44) - a heartfelt response with an unexpected turn (1:01:22) - just yourself be if quare is you (1:06:17) - Link's rec To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, I wanna tell you a story. I wanna take you- Story time. A true story. I wanna take you. Story time. A true story. I wanna take you on a journey, a chain of events that began

in the wake of episode before last, our first memories episode. Yep. You remember that, Rhett? I've already forgotten it. Well, you know the story I'm gonna tell. It's a story of confrontation, of pain, forgiveness, and the power of words.

You really set it up. And it's also the story specifically of one word. One very special word. It's been a wild ride over the last couple of weeks and I just got to a point where I was like, I have to share what has happened. Maybe this won't be as sensational or groundbreaking to anybody else, but for me-

Well, if you keep talking about it in that tone, I think it will be sensational just because of that. I'm sensationalizing it, but it- I don't know about it in that tone, I think it will be sensational just because of that. I'm sensationalizing it. I don't know if it requires that. Yeah, I don't think it requires that. I will say that it's just been something that's been deeply meaningful to me and I think it's shaped who I am as a person.

It's directly related to this podcast. Wow. Does it have to be that deep in order for it to be worthy of the podcast? Okay, that's fair. Well, it has shaped how I conduct myself on this podcast moving forward. It's a wild ride, I'm gonna take you on it.

Well, I'm looking forward to that, Link. But it has an unexpected double happy ending. By show of hands, who's ready for a double happy ending? I don't know if I can handle that. You shouldn't have actually raised your hands because that's kind of weird, kind of awkward. Before we get into Link's story, two things. Do you want a double happy ending today?

Nope, I don't believe in happy endings. I don't go to those kinds of places. You talking about like fairy tales? The first thing I wanna do is I wanna let you know that the Mythical Kitchen has launched its own podcast called A Hot Dog is a Sandwich. And it is a weekly podcast that comes out every Wednesday. I'm so excited for them.

Where Josh and Nicole will debate a controversial food topic. Now, one of the things that we noticed about Josh early on when he started working here was, I mean, you've seen him demonstrate this on Good Mythical Morning and in Mythical Kitchen due to a food encyclopedia, but he's not just an encyclopedia

because an encyclopedia presents just facts. No, Josh goes above facts and starts inserting his own very well-formed, well-reasoned opinions about food, which is a very subjective thing to begin with. I mean, we're having like a party, like a mythical entertainment party. People gather around him. I see that there was like a crowd of people over there

and they were all around Josh just grilling him about food questions and so I went over there and just got a kick out of just listening in on it. So, you know, the podcast wasn't our idea but I'm very excited that now you have the opportunity to have the same experience that we have at our mythical get togethers. And then. Did I say what the first episode was? Nicole at our mythical get togethers. And then-

Did I say what the first episode was? Nicole, no, Nicole is there to- Balance him. I don't know exactly what she, I hope balance him. Keep him in check. First episode they're arguing about whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza, which is a controversial thing.

It's already out wherever you listen to, wherever you, if you're listening to this, you can also listen to that. And then a portion of the podcast in video form will come out the day after on the Mythical Kitchen YouTube channel. So check it out, check it out, y'all. Check that out.

I have a little something that happened to me this morning, but I think I need to just get out there. Sensationalize it, like did it change your life? Don't think it needs to be sensationalized. Is it a story of pain, forgiveness, and the power of words? No, it's just a fun little story, Link. All right, okay.

The bar can be low. First of all, my wife is out of town, okay? She's hanging out with friends. It explains why you're dressed like a children's entertainer. Right, exactly. And she's, well, first of all, my wife doesn't dress me when she's there.

Yes, she does. She doesn't dress me when she's there. Yes she does. She doesn't lay my clothes out anymore. It is funny because this morning, Christy happened to be standing in the closet when I was also in the closet picking out my clothes and I was like, Christy, I want you to pick out what I'm gonna wear today. That's weird, that's weird.

I get you, and this is it. No, once I got here, Kiko said they wanted me to wear merch so I had to change clothes. Oh okay. This is not what Christy picked. What about the outerwear? I changed the jacket because it didn't match. What about the jeans?

You had a story to tell. So she's out of town so, you know, the McLaughlin household is hanging on by a thread. The kids, I think they're being fed. I'm pretty sure I have seen some like crumbs in the kitchen. I doubt that they're bathing, but that's not my responsibility. And so, of course,

My wife bathes me. I have to take them to school and not every day, I don't have to pick them up every day, but I have to take them to school every day while she's gone. And first of all, just shout out to the parents who have to take their kids to school and pick them up and take them everywhere.

I think you should unionize. Because just after doing this, just for a couple of days, which I'm not saying I've never taken my kids to school, but like when my wife is not there and so I've got to kind of be responsible for getting them up and making sure they're ready and everybody getting ready to go out the door

and then also take them. And then, you know, what my wife has to do is she's gotta pick them up but then also take them to all the other crap that they gotta do. And I just really feel like there should be a union. I mean if the taxi drivers can unionize, why can't the parental drivers unionize?

Because they got rights, they have to have some rights. Like what? Like the right to play the music that they wanna play, not that the kids wanna play. The right to keep the kids from eating crummy foods in the back of the car. The right to keep the kids from leaving their freaking belongings in the car.

Okay. Those kinds of things. I think it's also the right to insist that the kids respond when the parent asks a question. How was your day? Yeah, you're actually gonna give a thoughtful response. Why are we talking like this? And it can lead to a conversation.

Parents unite. But this morning was more difficult than usual because as you know, I recently got solar panels put on the top of my house so that I can go totally solar, go off the grid, disconnect, which is technically illegal, I've learned. You can't disconnect from the grid, so I'm still on the grid, but now I'm giving power back to the power company.

I don't know, solar panels are weird, but I'm glad we have them. But today was the day that they were gonna be turned on. Oh. After they pass inspection. Sounds like a big moment where nothing perceptible happens. Right, especially when it's cloudy.

But my wife calls me last night and says, oh. You can call her Jessie. She has a name. No I can't, she said I couldn't. Okay. Just kidding, Jessie called me and says, oh. You can call her Jessie. She has a name. No, I can't, she said I couldn't. Okay. Just kidding, Jessie called me and said, oh, they're gonna cut the solar panels on tomorrow and the inspector's gonna be there

and the guy from the solar company told me that occasionally the inspector will ask to go inside the house to inspect your smoke detectors. Okay. I was like okay, well, I went on the internets, I looked up California regulations about smoke detectors. I assumed just based on what I've learned

about living in California that they require a smoke detector in every room, a smoke detector tied around the neck of every person, two smoke detectors on your pets, one smoke detector on the aquarium for your fish, and seven smoke detectors on top of your house. And every smoke detector needs to have a sticker that says this smoke detector contains materials

which are known to the state of California to contain carcinogens. Yeah, to not only detect smoke, but kill you. Everything in California has this sticker on it. You walk into a building, there's like a plaque. You open the door to your car, there's a sticker on your car that says, anywhere you look, this so and so has materials

known to the state of California to cause cancer. Yeah, so anyway, I was like, well, I don't know if we got enough smoke detectors. We got one in all the bedrooms, but there's really, like since we redid the kitchen and something, I think we got rid of some downstairs. So I installed, first of all, smoke detectors technology. Oh gosh, yes.

It's updated since last time I looked into it. No longer, they don't come with a battery. Or they come with a special kind of battery that never requires you to change it for years. And you don't have to put regular batteries in there. You just take the thing out and activate it. Like press a button, flip a little switch, and then it's good to go.

So of course we had dinner last night with a friend so we were out late and so I didn't install it last night. I was like I'll do it in the morning before I take the kids to school and then I kinda got up late, they kinda got up late and we're like struggling to get out the door and then I'm like guys, sorry, I gotta install this smoke detector right now.

And so I'm like going downstairs and getting the drill so I can like drill, because you gotta do the little, you know, drywall screws and that kind of thing. And I'm like, all right, you're gonna be a little bit, you're both gonna be a little bit late for school. That's the first thing I said. I was just setting expectations. It's like, dad has already failed.

Yeah. But we gotta have a smoke detector. So I do the setting expectations. It's like data's already failed. Yeah. But we gotta have a smoke detector. So I do the smoke detector, did a pretty good job. Put it up there, activated it. We're already a little bit late and then while I'm doing it, I'm being very daddish and I'm saying things like, is there anything that you guys could be doing? Yeah.

I was like, Locke, check the freaking trash. How's the trash? Is the trash need to be taken out? And he goes in there and he's like, no. So then I had to throw away the smoke detector packaging and I go to the trash, the trash in the kitchen is completely full. And I'm like, you lied to me. Oh.

I was like, you said it was fine. He was like, it is fine. I was like, are we seeing me. Oh. I was like, you said it was fine. He was like, it is fine. I was like, are we seeing the same trash can right now? I was like, take it out. I think he meant it wasn't overflowing. It basically was. It was within an inch of the top. I don't know what he thinks is when it's ready.

So next thing I know, so I see Locke put the trash bag over his shoulder like a knapsack and walk out the door and then he comes back upstairs and he's like, because you have to kind of go down the stairs in our front of our house to get down there. He's like, again, now we're like 12 minutes late. He says, trash bag broke.

He's a caveman? I go outside and I see. That's all he said. At the bottom of the stairs, right when you get to the bottom of the stairs and hit the driveway. It looks like one of those commercials where they're like a Geico commercial

where the raccoons like, all right, we need some really realistic looking trash, like lots of eggs, lots of bananas, throw some blueberries in there, maybe some old coffee grounds. Like classic trash, wet. Did he keep walking with it or something? It seemed like it because there was a little piece

of a carrot and a little piece of a pea on the steps. Oh, yep. So something was leaking. There was a hole. Some things got out, and then the whole thing came apart. And all he did was come up and say, trash bag broke. And of course, I'm already upset with myself, and I'm doing the thing that you do

when you're upset with yourself, and you take it out on your children, if you're a good dad. And I was like, what did you do wrong? Like, were you swinging it? Did it hit the, and the shepherd was like, what did you do wrong? Like, were you swinging it? Did it hit the, and the shepherd was like, well, he probably dragged it. Like, shepherd's giving his commentary. Shepherd's like, that's why there's a P on the steps,

because he was dragging it. He's forensic. And so then, I'm like, well, you guys settle in because we gotta clean this up. So now, we go down there, I'm like well, Investigate. You guys settle in because we gotta clean this up. So now, we go down there and I'm like getting paper towels and picking this crap up and then sweeping it and then we have to hose the whole thing down. He also got onto the car, hosing the car down.

And of course, no one is saying anything. Like once we start cleaning, there's just no conversation. Oh. It's just, this is our lives. And so they were 30 minutes late for school today and we bonded. Wow, it's really all your fault. The whole trashcan thing was your idea.

It was. It could just, all those blueberries and bananas and et cetera could all just be, banana peels could just be sitting in the trash right now. I'm glad you made it. I did. I'm okay. Thanks for worrying about me.

What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is... Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leahah president and welcome to

crunchyroll presents the anime effect it's a weekly news show with the best celebrity guests and hot takes galore so join us every friday wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes on crunchyroll or on the crunchyroll youtube All right, can I get into this? Let's see, where do I wanna start? I wanna start this story with a word that never existed. That's what I'm calling part one of this story. Now my family, particularly my mom's side of the family, particularly my mom's side of the family, my nanny, her mama, had like nine brothers and sisters, and they have this own strange strain

of Southern vocabulary. And over the years, sometimes I'll say some words, you'll be like, what was that? Or we'll get on conversations about weird Southern slang and I'll always end up remembering words that my nanny or particularly my Aunt Vicki, Nanny's the oldest of the siblings and then Aunt Vicki is one of the youngest siblings,

if not the youngest, I don't think. And they've lived together their whole lives. Nanny never drove, Vicki would drive them to work at the shirt factory where they were inspected and folded shirts for like decades. That was. In Irwin, right? Yeah, no in Lillington.

Across from Burbs Drive-in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where that Burger King is on the far side of town. So they spent so much time together that they perpetuate these words that became very specific to like that family. I'll give you just a couple of examples. Now both of these are related to poop.

Because it seems like they made a very strong connection between your poop and your health. And of course there's people who write books about this. I think they were on to something. It's really coming around, yeah. You know. Gut health. But they wouldn't call it poop.

They wouldn't say shit. Of course, they wouldn't say that. They referred to poop as hockey. And they would say, they would ask me when I would go over there as a kid and say, do you need to poop as hockey. And they would say, they would ask me when I would go over there as a kid and say, do you need to take a hockey? Isn't that so weird? Well, and I thought that it was a really bad word.

I would like, I was like, whoa, that is like an expletive. I would never say that. But did you make a connection to the sport? I knew what they were talking about. No, no, no. And I knew it was also the word for a sport, but I can, I did not and I still cannot make a correlation between something related to the sport of hockey

and the sport of taking a crap. Well, the first thing that comes to mind for me is the puck. I guess if you. Every once in a while you make one that's shaped is the puck. I guess if you. Every once in a while you make one that's shaped like a puck. I've never. Depending on what you ate.

I've never pooped a puck. You've pooped puck-like things, probably. I've pooped really dark poops before. How many puck-like poops can you poop? Never puck-colored poop, never that dark. Oh, have you ever taken Pepto? Because Pepto makes it black. Yeah, but it doesn't make it hard like a puck.

No, that's good, that's a good point. They would always ask me. And especially if I wasn't doing good or if I wasn't hungry or something like that, do you need to take a hockey? And then they would say, you need to do a bad job? What was it? You need to do a bad job?

Hold on, this is also a poop? Yes. Dude, this is why, this is one of the reasons that you're anal retentive. I know. Is because they told you that pooping was a bad job. And first of all, they told you that it was a sport that in the South south no one liked.

Right. You know before the hurricanes came in. Isn't it so weird? We hated hockey and so it's like we didn't like, it's the least favorite sport and a bad job. And I think they. So you had this, your relationship with poop was unhealthy from the start.

And I would go out. It's all your family's fault. I would go out in the backyard and I would like climb trees and hang out in the backyard and then if I felt like I needed to take a bad job, do number two, I would just kinda squat down and hold it and squeeze it in. Yeah, because it was a bad job. I wouldn't, and I don't know if they knew

that I would do that so then they were really harped on me about, have you taken a hockey today? Do you need to hockey? They put a lot of pressure on me. I don't remember putting any effort into thinking about my poops until I became like an adult man. I mean this is all a tangential yet very insightful rabbit trail here.

My point at the moment is just that they would use weird terminology and there was another word that did not have anything to do with poop that they would use a lot and the word was queer. Now I'm not talking about the word queer, even though if you like, especially not the queer in like in modern parlance of our times.

Right. The Q and LGBTQ+. I'm definitely not talking about that. You're just talking about the traditional uses of the word queer which would be unusual. Unusual. Right. But queer is kind of like a sister word to that

which they would use all the time. It was a specialized descriptor for someone who was peculiar in a specifically picky or opinionated way. Matter of fact, they would, you know, if I would express concern or disdain for something that they liked, Like let's say tomatoes. Be like, oh, don't be so queer.

And so it can mean picky, but like very specifically peculiarly picky. So not liking tomatoes isn't the best example, but they would call me queer a lot. And so, and you've- And I've told you this. You told me about it. And so my perspective on've, and you've. And I've told you this. You've told me about it, and so my perspective on this word.

You never heard of it. Well, I'll say that my perspective on a lot of the words that your family used, because it's interesting, because my family is very southern, you know, but they come from South Georgia, and then we moved eventually to North Carolina when I was a kid. But my parents are from the South, grew up in the South. You've seen my mom when she was a guest on GMM

trying to, when we did the lie detector thing. Yeah, very Southern. She's a Southern woman. But first of all, she didn't have, she talked like a southern woman and had a lot of vocabulary that was kind of typical to just people in the south, but it was nothing as specific

as some of the words that you used. So my theory about a lot of these words was that they seem very, very specifically regional and then in some cases, my theory was specific to your family, right? But the word queer, I thought that you thought, I thought that you were like misremembering and that they were just using the word queer because-

Or that they meant queer but they said it wrong. Yeah, because you could substitute queer for quare and it wouldn't be like, it would still kind of make sense. It would still work well enough. But it's not as specific. Yeah, but because you had never heard of it and we had this conversation before and it was,

or multiple times, but it was basically like, yeah, you have to be mistaken. You know, we talked to Stevie about this, she was getting a kick out of it but she had never heard of it either. You know, she's from North Carolina. In fact, no one that I could talk to outside of my family had heard of this word so I started to think,

maybe it is something in my family. In fact, not even Google had heard of queer. So I'm trying to convince, I remember this conversation with you and Stevie, I'm like, it is an intentional expression of something more specific than queer in the old definition. And then when I couldn't find it on Google, I just, I had to resign to never being believed.

And you know what, Rhett, it hurt. It hurt me, man. It's a weight that I carried. Okay, well, that's a little queer of you. I'll come back to all this. But look at that as like a precursor, like in Fellowship of the Ring where it's like Cate Blanchett gives the whole backstory of the ring, okay?

And you know that ring's gonna come back. Just as dramatic. But then in the next scene, it's a wonderful day in the Shire. So let's skip over to the Shire. I'd really like to play that soundtrack, but that wouldn't work. I'm going about my happy business last week,

doing some work. I call my work happy business. I don't know if you ever noticed that. As opposed to bad job? What are you up to today? You need to do a bad job? I gotta do a bad job at my happy business. No, it's not bad job, it's bad job.

It's like a total- Bad job. It's like a one word. It's very specifically a poop. Greg, I don't think Greg who works here is constantly checking our Facebook messages, but apparently one came across, bless you, one came across his desktop. Thank you.

And he forwarded the email to me and a lot of the people in this room who have stuff to do with Ear Biscuits. It was an emotional Facebook message in response to our First Memories podcast. And it was written by, and this is a long message. I feel like you kinda, just in case you missed it. I'll give some recap.

It was written by the granddaughter of my babysitter who, her name isn't Betty, but I will call this granddaughter of my babysitter Betty just to help tell the story, okay? And I did get her permission to relay this story to you guys today. So I just wanna say all of that upfront. I'm changing her name to Betty

and she said we could have this conversation and that I could read excerpts from our correspondence. Now, yeah, as you were saying, I should recap what we said on that First Memories podcast. Now this wasn't my first memory, but once I started talking about memories, I started talking about my babysitter when I was in grade school and how she rolled my arm up

in her car window one day and how she teased me about my mom not picking me up. There she don't come. And I said that I had separation anxiety that I didn't tell anybody at the time. And she encouraged you to remove or try to remove the wart that was on her finger. Yeah.

And I think I proceeded to call her a witch. Well you see. But again, I was joking, I don't think she was a witch. But you know, you basically. Well I used her real name. You used her real name. And I'm not gonna use it right now. I also used the term demented.

Right. In the course of our conversation. And then we moved on. Not only with the podcast, but with the rest of our lives until I get this message. And I'm gonna read a big chunk of this message. Some of it I've taken out just to kind of keep it moving, but there's still a lot here, but I'm gonna read it.

Here goes. My grandmother was, and I have removed her name. Well, just say Betty. Well, no, the granddaughter's name is Betty. Oh, got it. Okay. Betty wrote, my grandmother was blank. Please accept my deepest apologies if for any reason you really think she was doing something

that appeared to be demented. I truly do not think she was deliberately trying to harm, torture, hurt, make you feel uncomfortable. I am sure she did not want to cause you any trauma. I don't think my grandmother would deliberately do anything to harm a child. Now she very well would have said there she don't come, but I think it was her way of passing time

and was teasing you, but had she or I had realized it caused you any pain, it would have stopped. It actually breaks my heart because she loved her Link-a-Dink. She loved all her kids in her care. I hope that I can resolve this in my mind as what a young child sees versus what is or did take place. I'm hoping too that whatever the reality is or was,

it is being overblown and not being taken seriously. She told all the kids to keep their hands away from the windows and doors of the Chevrolet Monte Carlo and it was not a Cadillac as you remember. The particular car had some of the fastest buttons once you touched them. I do remember that. It did come up fast.

Fast windows in that Monte Carlo. She cried about the fact your little hand got caught in the window and I remember her putting ice on it. I am sorry you remember it as thinking she meant to do it on purpose and not as an accident. Because in your story, she did it and then she did it again.

Just to recap. Just to recap. Remembering it being a Cadillac instead of what it actually was, a Chevrolet Monte Carlo can be seen as an example of reality versus what we think. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not going to justify it if you really think she did hurt your own purpose.

If she did, I will say that was sickening. I just hope it is a difference in memories. Again, I apologize. I'm sorry for any trauma, real or not, that you went through. This has really bothered me to the point I am crying hysterically and I feel as if it is something I have to personally do something about.

I just don't know how to wrap my head around it. I have never heard of or have known of any complaints against her and this is so shocking to me. This has stunned me to my core. Wow. I read this email and like even rereading it, I'm having the same feelings like I just like, I felt horrible.

And first I was like, wow, I never really thought that like her granddaughter would be listening. Yeah. That's not the audience I was thinking about when I shared the story. Well, not only that, I think the message came like the day the podcast came out.

So this is someone who listens regularly. Well, I mean, there was a Facebook clip and I don't know how Facebook clips can really get around and there was a Facebook clip about I don't know how, you know, Facebook clips can really get around and there was a Facebook clip about this story, right? So. Geeko, Geeko looks like, yeah, it's my fault. No, it's not your fault. It's Link's fault.

I actually suggest, I was like, hey, this is, maybe we should start putting clips of Ear Biscuits on YouTube and maybe this is a better candidate because it was like, it's such a memorable story. Right. And that's how I thought about it, like an engaging story from my past that was like kind of wild.

Yeah, I think. And it gave window into how I thought as a kid, but like I just didn't think about like my babysitter's family listening. So I was pretty shook up, but you know, this isn't about me, this is about Betty. And I mean, I'll be honest, my first thought was, it's just a Facebook message, I can just ignore it.

This will go away. I definitely don't have to say anything. And then I reread it and I'm like, oh my gosh, she is, she's crying hysterically. She's like, she feels horrible. She's like questioning, it's like, I gotta say something. So I wrote back, I won't read all of it, but I said Betty,

well her name's not Betty, I didn't address her as, I addressed her with her real name. Yeah. But I'm not doing that now. Which is? That was a test. Betty, I'm sorry that my story has upset you and called into question your memories of your grandmother.

That was not my intention. And then I go on to share that I can believe to her point that she didn't mean any ill intent. I told her, I told the story from the perspective of the young child that I was and I hold no ill will towards her now as an adult. Of course, she's passed away. So I hold no ill will towards her memory or. And might I just interject,

as someone who is the kind of person who enjoys what in the South we call messing with people. Yeah, yeah. And I also, I like messing with kids. The whole there she don't come thing. Right. I would do that. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Now, if I didn't found out that, oh, he actually has separation anxiety or whatever, then I would be like, oh, but I'm just saying that like, even as you told the story in your childhood version, even though I said she was a witch, I was doing that. That was more about the wart part. Yeah, yeah. Even then.

Witches have warts and you were making some sort of like connection. I wasn't thinking anything negative about her. I was just like, this is just a woman with a sense of humor and like you're remembering it in a way that from the child's perspective. So, but I know that some people took it differently than that.

Yeah, I didn't think that she did that on purpose to like hurt me as deeply as it did. And there's no way she could have known that because I didn't tell anybody that. Again, it was an internal dialogue. But then the part about the window, I do think my memory was that I think she did that on purpose.

She's not rolling it down. But maybe it was when she panicked and was trying to roll it down and she rolled it up more. Or maybe you did have an experience but maybe it was when she panicked and was trying to roll it down and she rolled it up more. Or maybe you did have an experience with getting your hand caught in a Cadillac window. And then she had nothing to do with it. And you inflated the two memories.

It wasn't a Monte Carlo. I went on to say, as we have discussed many times on our show and in that particular episode as well, memories are not always reliable and accurate. And then I said, I hope this can put your mind at ease. Cause I hated knowing that she was so upset. And then I said, we are currently re-editing the show to censor all references to her name.

It may take a few days for that update to take effect in the system, but rest assured we've made the edits. Thank you for reaching out. Again, I'm sorry to have caused you pain. Because I really was. I mean, it was like, you could tell the emotion in the way that she wrote her message.

It was like, just kind of like. She was shaking to the core. It was something that, she wrote it in a way that she would say it to you, you know? It was a very like stream of consciousness. Oh man, but that was kinda tough, but I was like, and when I wrote the email, I was like, Greg, give her this message.

I also said, and I have learned my lesson. I'm not gonna use real names in incriminating stories. Well, okay, and you're gonna get into the rest of the story in a second, but I was because she was so, because you read this to me, she was so shaken up that we actually, I started looking at the legality around defamation.

Oh you did? Yeah. And started finding out whether or not you could be sued for defaming. I think based on Jacob's body language right now, I think he was doing the same thing in his office. But you cannot, you can't defame a dead person because what's at stake in defamation

is someone's reputation and a dead person doesn't have a reputation. So just from a legal standpoint. They don't? You can say whatever you want to about a dead person doesn't have a reputation. So just from a legal standpoint. They don't? You can say whatever you want to about a dead person. Dead people have reputations, that's pretty much all they've got. Well that's the ironic thing as I was reading about it

because I was like yeah, you think about someone's legacy, so you can ruin someone's legacy but they don't have a living reputation. You just look on the internet. But the interesting thing about it is that, because I really got into this, and this is maybe, I don't wanna be a lawyer, but sometimes I start looking into this

and I realize maybe this is what my dad was because I get interested in this. If someone, like okay, you're like, well what about an estate? Like can you talk crap about Elvis and then his estate kind of functioning? No, but what can happen is if there's a defamation lawsuit that a person has started before they die

and then they die, their estate can continue the defamation lawsuit, but they cannot start one that did not exist when they were alive. So you were technically in the clear. So if you wanna be on the up and up and talk shit about somebody, wait until they die. I think that's the best. And that's why tell all biographies come out

right when somebody dies. So you've got these people. Oh, you think they've sat, they've written it and they're sitting on it. 100%, people are sitting on all these scandalous stories and then somebody dies and you got two things. A, they're in the news, so you can jump on that. This seems icky, man. But B,

oh no, I've got all kinds of things written about you. Oh you. I've got my whole tell all about Link. Expose? Yeah. And I don't know what I'm gonna call it yet, but maybe Link-a-dink. Link-a-dink it and sink it. Link-a-Dink it and sink it. Link-a-Dink it and sink it.

And I'm so ready to release it if I outlive you. Just know that that's coming. Your reputation will be in tatters. Well you know what? When you die first, I'm gonna dig it up, I'm gonna change my name to your name and release it. So everything you write about me will actually be about you.

I don't know if that'll be believable based on the content but. Just because we're different heights. Okay, oh you're gonna change all the, I listed your height so many times. So I didn't feel, I felt like it was against the momentum of, I don't know, my initial reaction to write the email.

And I don't know if you'd call it an apology, but I was sorry that my story had hurt her and caught into question how she viewed her grandmother. I did apologize for that and I was sorry for that. But you know, it's not like you're apologizing to somebody's face and you know how they respond and you feel, you can either feel relief or like can clarify or whatever.

And this is all on Facebook Messenger, not Messenger but the Facebook email thingy. But thank goodness she did respond. And respond, thank goodness on so many levels that she responded. Can I just read her response to you? Yes. Because I didn't know, I couldn't have predicted

how she would respond. It's like, well, that's not, you know, now I'm just angry and are you saying that you didn't mean any of it and why'd you say it? And I don't know, I was like, I was apprehensive. Here's her response. Thank you so very much for your response. I'm so very relieved to have an understanding about this.

Thank you for reaching out to me so that I can now see how we both could have been seeing this as just a difference of memories and the way we look at things. I accept your apology wholeheartedly and thank you for what you are doing. It feels good to be, to clear something up, man, to be forgiven for something.

Being from the creek and growing up there, as well as having family and friends there, it was concerning that her name was out there and associated with being demented. I think that was the biggest issue for me and my family. And then it goes further. Get ready. She goes on to say, again, I will say she,

as well as most of us, has or have some peculiar or quare or different ways of thinking and doing, but to now know she didn't intentionally harm you brings me comfort. And there you have it. The big old B story to this. Here's the sentence right here. And she put it in quotes.

Again, I will say she, as well as most of us, has or have some peculiar or in quotes, Q-U-A-R-E, end quote, or different, peculiar, queer, or different ways of thinking and doing. She used the word in a sentence. She, in the same sentence, defined the word. in the same sentence. Define the word! She spelled the word! With an A in it! You were really holding on to this. She put it in quotes! Undeniable! It exists! Quare exists! It's unbeatable, it exists, Claire exists.

We'll come back to that. She is not done, she continues. I have been late to the Rhett and Link GMM party but I've enjoyed watching and listening to the quote hometown boys that have made it as you have! Like whoa, what's happening here? In fact, I asked and received from my sister a copy of The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek for Christmas.

I had just started the book on Sunday and then I saw your post about my grandmother and then I was disillusioned. I stopped reading. What? Immediately. And then she said, I- Burned the book.

She says, I will keep reading now as well as keeping watching and cheering for that sweet, cute little fella that we called Linkadink. She was a fan, she had the book. I will pull the book out of the toilet, let it air dry and continue reading it. Did you hockey the book? Did you hockey the novel?

Linkadink. Did you do a bad job in that novel? Thank you again and I very much appreciate your answering my message and especially that you would be willing to remove her name. Oh man, I have never been so relieved to have an apology accepted and trust me, I've apologized a lot in my life.

Probably still not as much as I should have. But to feel that amount of relief, and by the way, I'm not done with her message. But at this point in the message, to feel that amount of relief, I was so glad that I did respond. But then also to feel the elation and validation that this word was not just

in my family's twisted microcosm of vocabulary and extended to at least other people in the same county. It extended out a little bit. I find it interesting that you feel so vindicated when I don't really think much has changed. It's still something that some people said. You didn't believe me, man. You didn't believe me.

Well, we'll wait until we get to the end. I still have a theory about this word, but I don't wanna upset you at this point. All right, so then she keeps writing. I'm also thankful for you and Rhett sharing your lost years and how you have evolved. Oh my gosh, she's been listening to the podcast? It is very interesting to me

to see your transition from religion. I have questioned Christianity, the Bible, the facts, and other things myself. I think many have. I'm impressed by your candor and knowledge. I have relatives and friends who are LGBTQ and have always been leery of religious bigots and the cherry picking that some use

to keep their bigotry going and or using it as an excuse to not be a good person. All of a sudden she's going off in this message. Living and growing up in the Bible Belt is challenging and with the political BS with the wannabe dictator, it's challenging on a daily basis now. She's getting political.

Dang, you wouldn't think that the Venn diagram of people who use the word queer and people who would say the things that she's saying, there doesn't seem like, there may be just one person in that. I am not reading her. That crossover. Her tirade about what,

her hot take on our lost years and I'm not reading this to be self-aggrandizing, I'm reading it to make that point, Rhett, that people who use queer are thoughtful people. Now whether you disagree with her point of view, that's not the point I'm making right now. But she's got a strong one. She's got a strong point of view,

and it is thoughtful, and there's heart in it. Living and growing, yeah, okay. So I can't believe how some of the most educated people are truly shameful and can't get past their own biases and beliefs. Looking forward to more from you and Rhett. Okay, I'll take that. Thanks again and please know that there is

and are no hard feelings on my part. That feels good. Very next sentence. We had snow here. And now she's going into the weather. Oh, I love that. This message is a journey unlike any Facebook message anyone has ever received.

She wasn't just talking about the weather though. We had snow here and most all are a little giddy about it but your response to me tops that. It is better than snow. Better than snow. Cause it does, it snows like once every three years in North Carolina. Yeah man, snow's a big deal.

This is February and like it's a big deal but she said that my response made her, it topped that, made her giddy. And then she says, it has made me a better person and giving me peace to know that you took the time to read my message and in kind to respond. You didn't have to and that's what makes you a great and decent person.

I'm gonna cry. And then she says, go rock on now because I am. This woman is amazing. I can't, she, her name's not Betty. Go rock on now because I am. Your name's not Betty, you are amazing and you have made me a better person. What are you doing saying that I made you a better person, what are you doing saying

that I made you a better person? I did something, I didn't take your feelings into account and I put this thing out there on the internet just because I, you know, it seemed confessional but honestly it was mostly just for kicks. And I think as I told the story I was like, oh, this did have an impact on me. A lot of times on this podcast,

I say something just to get it out there and I don't even know what I mean to myself. But I knew that it was. That explains quite a lot. It does, doesn't it? Yet, she's saying that like, this made her a better person? Like, I'm floored by that. she's saying that like this made her a better person?

I'm floored by that. I mean the shoe to me is on the other foot big time. And again this is not. An enriching interaction with somebody, especially one in which there was a misunderstanding or conflict and to see that resolved, I can see her point. But yeah, it's more that she was the better person.

Yeah, she was. You extended an olive branch. And she graciously accepted it because it's like even when you apologize, you feel like this is gonna be picked apart. You know, and I don't wanna get on a soapbox here, but like there's. That's what happens in public.

I'll inch on, I'll inch onto the soapbox that like if somebody sincerely apologizes, it's like, I know what it feels like to be sorry and then not know exactly the right words to say, you know? And it feels good when you sincerely empathize with pain you've caused and you're sorry for it and then somebody has a, they have a gracious response because I think because of the culture we're in,

I was, I had a heightened anxiety. And at first that was part of my knee jerk response to say, you know what? We can set the Facebook thing so she can't even see that we read this. So there's copability that like, okay, she doesn't even have to know that we saw it or that I saw it and so I didn't,

a reasonable conclusion could be that we didn't see it, not that I actively didn't respond because responding opens you up to a whole new level of criticism. And to be clear, we don't respond to every complaint and every concern because we get a lot of them on a regular basis for all kinds of things that people have been offended by.

Yeah, yep, that's true. And sometimes it feels like this, but this felt different for reasons that you've already kind of. It was very deeply personal and I just couldn't, I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm saying that like, I thought about not saying anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and I just couldn't, you know, I'm not tooting my own horn. I'm saying that like, I thought about not saying anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I couldn't.

So I went forward and then it was, but it's, to me it's like, okay, what have I learned in this process? Well, before you move on, because I think it was my last question. I think you're making a really good point about the apology thing because, man, I've seen it so many times in the past few years. Somebody does something that's legitimately upsetting

to people and a lot of times it might be something that was unintentional or just sort of misguided and then they apologize, they make an apology video on YouTube, they do the apology tweet where you just take your notes app and you write something and you put it on your Twitter, which I mean, this is just a part of culture at this point. People who have any sort of following

or public figures in any way, at times will probably have to apologize. And it is a guarantee that a certain percentage of the audience will see that the apology is inadequate, that they will get and try to figure out people's motivations for the apology. Oh, you're trying to protect this, but this is what you think.

And if you really were sorry, this is what you would say. And it's just like, it is just a part of culture to have somebody do something and then apologize and then be jumped on for apologizing not in the right way. Now you should. And it makes it really difficult to even want to apologize.

Now there is a legitimate assessment of an apology. Yeah. It's like, we're not saying that you shouldn't assess someone's apology to see if it's a real apology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And see if it's a real apology and that if it's apologizing for the actual infraction. Right. And we haven't had to do that personally.

I guess I'm just saying that because we are public figures who invariably or inevitably will offend, already have and will continue to accidentally or whatever offend people. And then at some point that offense may reach a threshold where we feel like we have to apologize. When I see it happening because I can relate to just, oh the anguish that someone is, ah I shouldn't have said that or I shouldn't have done that and now I gotta figure

out how to craft this in a way that someone is, ah, I shouldn't have said that or I shouldn't have done that and now I gotta figure out how to craft this in a way that will make it seem, you know, it's just, I have sympathy for people in that position, but I'm not saying that people should be able to do what they want to and not apologize. I'm just saying that the dynamic of apologizing sincerely and being accused of it being insincere

is just something that, it's just a troublesome part of just the way our culture works right now. In my house, I hope that we set up an expectation of having to apologize and then a practice of forgiving each other. I think that is a good practice because demanding that you never do anything

worth apologizing for or then apologies become admitting not just what you did wrong, but like that you're a bad person, it's like, well, we all do things that we need to apologize for, but it's, so it's not a, It's like, well, we all do things that we need to apologize for, but it's so it's not a, it shouldn't be a double failure when you apologize, it should be, it should actually be a victory. If it's a true, a true apology should be a victory,

not a second defeat. Yeah. So what are my takeaways from this experience? So what are my takeaways from this experience? I don't, you know, I'm gonna really think twice before I use real names. I've always gotten a kick out of using real names. Even, matter of fact, in that same first memories episode, my, and I will use a real name

because we got his permission for the tour of mythicality. My first best friend, Brad McDonald actually emailed me and you know, he was the one who did the orange hockey. Yep. Bright orange, he said, he was laughing and he was like, my first memory is you making me put my finger in the light socket and shocking myself.

I'm glad you could finally finish that sentence. So he get, but I was like, man, people are listening. And thanks to Facebook, if nothing else, things get around. If people are mentioned, it's gonna get to them. And I need to appreciate that a little bit more. And so I'm gonna try to be a lot more sensitive to using real names because again,

I'm sharing my perspective. It's like shooting from the hip a lot of times, but that's one thing that I just gotta get better about. I think the second thing is what we already talked about, about apologies. And then, you know, this is not what made it all worth it, but boy, it's a sweet, sweet silver lining to this story that queer came into it.

The thing I didn't tell you was, before I read her response, which used the term queer, again, it was in a forwarded email from Greg and Stevie was on the thread. And so the first thing that I read, like it pulled up on my phone, you can see the first few lines of an email and it was from Stevie and it said,

"'Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have seen "'our very first occurrence of quare in the wild. "'And you have never seen me clamor to put the face ID "'and open up an email as when I read that from Stevie. I'm like, what? What did she say? Now it wasn't just, did she accept my apology, but how, did she use queer?

Did she use it right? Did she spell it right? Again, for, it's a sweet, sweet silver. It's so validating, man. So eat it, Rhett. I don't think I've gotta eat anything because I still think that the origin of the word is a bastardization of the word queer.

I just think. Okay, I agree with that. I just think. Most likely. That the circle of people who do that is a little bit bigger than your family and includes your babysitter's family. So I'm glad you feel vindicated. And you know what? You know what, she was queer.

Yeah. My babysitter was queer. I mean, how else do you dare someone to pull up, yank a wart off your finger? That's a queer thing to do. That's a queer thing to do. And I love queer thing to do and I love her for it. I got a kick out of it. People were appalled but like I shared it for the,

because it was wild, man. When I told Christy this whole story and I sat her down, her and Lando down, we were sitting outside drinking some coffee and whatever they choose to drink. The way that you're talking today is like you're purposely saying things that people take, sitting outside drinking some coffee.

I asked him to stick his finger in the light socket. Are you doing that on purpose? No. I'm just talking, man. You need to be careful, man. You're throwing card balls. I gave her and Lando this podcast. Like I made them sit through the whole thing

and I read all of it. And at the very end, when I guess allowed them to get a word in edgewise, the first thing Christy said was, I now have the perfect word for you. You are queer. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, Nanny and Vicki called me that word for you, you are queer. Yeah.

And I was like, Nanny and Vicki called me that my whole young life. Yeah, it's perfect. And I wear it as a badge of honor. You're queer. Just yourself be if queer is you. But given the fact that it's sorta close to queer. Don't do it.

Whatever you're trying to do right now, do not do it. No, no, no, no, I'm just saying that. Don't take this from me. I think that it could, people could, again, you might end up doing something that then you have to then apologize for, you know? Like you can't get, if you wanted to have a t-shirt that says I'm hair and I'm queer,

like you can't take that, you can't take that. You can't take that. Because that is already a thing that people who are actually identify as queer say. And they use it in the modern vernacular. I didn't use that. I didn't say I was hair. But you just said I'm queer.

And I'm just saying the next thing that might come out of your mouth is I'm hair and I'm queer. And I'm just saying that maybe that is not the path for you. I don't wanna, yeah, I don't wanna infringe. Like don't get a tattoo that says queer for yourself. No, that's okay. That's not infringing.

Are you saying you, I think what I'm saying is, is I think that queer is an appropriation of queer. And so now you're gonna be guilty of appropriation. And then you're gonna have to apologize for that on the internet. And then people are gonna say that your apology is insincere.

I'm just looking out for you as your buddy. As your slightly less queer buddy. You seem pretty queer right now. You're being real queer. We dug a little hole at this point. Again, I wanna thank your name's not Betty one more time for being so gracious in your response and I just got the,

and I told her this in my response, I just got the biggest kick out of the whole thing. And then she went on to say that she, when she originally got worked up, she had watched the Facebook clip but then she went back after my response and she listened to the whole episode and within the context of the whole episode,

it actually cleared some of it up. But I told her I wanted to talk about queer and she said, "'I have a very pronounced Southern accent "'and I've always heard the use of queer, "'although I am pretty sure it was in some cases "'misused for queer and I am still guilty of saying, don't be so queer, LOL. Or more like, ain't no need of being so damn queer about it. That's what she says.

Like being very persnickety about something that doesn't matter because you're just weird. That's me. Yes, it is. Yeah, she's saying, anyway, you can use our conversations. Hopefully it will allow a dialogue and a better understanding for others. If you need me to sign something, let me know, thanks.

Sorry about the emoji. I can't figure out how to remove it. It was just like a, it was the winky face with the tongue out. Hold on, which is, that's what you do. We are kindred spirits, me and her name's not Betty. That's the emoji that you do all the time. No need to remove that.

Next time I go home, I gotta hang out with her name's not Betty. We gotta quer it up. Have a quare convention. Well, if it's me and her name's not Betty, if I can get two other people who are quare, we could be- Quare square. Four square.

You think you could find four people who use the term queer? Oh, you know what? If you are from the South or from anywhere. No, from anywhere. If you're a person. And you have used the term queer in the sense that we have described it today.

Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Let us know, please. Please, please. I would love every week on this podcast to read one more person who validates my use of the word queer and also validates me being queer. Because I would definitely, I would think that you, the further the radius extends

from that part of Harnett County out, the more validated you should feel. So if there's somebody- I don't know if I could feel more validated. So somebody like moved to Alaska and took quare with them. Oh yeah, if it's getting out there. That's a big radius. I think we're doing it now.

I don't know if we should. People talking about quare and hockey. I just think, again, for reasons I just talked about, I think it could be misunderstood so easily that I don't necessarily think we should be proponents of the usage of the word quare. The power of words. Exactly.

Rec baby rec, I got it, is it my REC time or is it Rhett's? It's yours. I would just like to recommend that you climb a tree. Especially if you're not of tree climbing age. I recommend that you climb a tree. You don't drop what you're doing to do it, but next time you see a tree, a climbable tree, do it. Interesting.

Little queer of you. Thanks for letting me tell that story. You need me to go help you clean up the rest of your trash? Nope, hosed it down already. Okay. Good to go. All clean up the rest of your trash? Nope. Hosed it down already. Okay. Good to go. All right, we'll speak at you next week. Stay queer.