Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 251: Our Biggest Regrets | Ear Biscuits Ep.251

Episode Date: August 17, 2020

Is it better to regret something that you did? Or is it better to regret something that you didn't do? R&L discuss some of the regrets that they carry with them today in this episode of Ear Biscuits! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Oh, the podcast. Give me a hint as to what we're doing right now. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at our round table of slightly brighter than dim, maybe even I'd say just normal lighting.

Yeah. We're gonna be talking about your biggest regrets. And ours. Hashtag no regrets. We're not gonna leave anything on the table. Is that, we're gonna leave it all on the table. What's the saying? We're gonna put it- You leave it on the floor. You leave things on the floor and you put things on the table. Leave all on the table. What's the saying? We're gonna put it- You leave it on the floor.

You leave things on the floor and you put things on the table. Leave it on the field. Yeah, if you're playing football, you leave it on the field. If you're playing basketball, you leave it on the floor. Poker, leave it on the table. Leave it on the table, I don't know.

We're gonna- If you put it on the table. We're gonna flop it out and slam it on the table. And we're gonna leave it there and we're not gonna regret it today. Cause regrets can be a downer, but I think that, I don't think it has to be. We asked you to tell us what your regrets were.

And Bri Uendo said, what, I mean, is that Brie Uendo? Whatever. I regret nothing in life. If I hadn't done the things I did, I wouldn't be where I am now. No need to regret anything. Just learn from it and move on.

And then Atherese on Twitter replied and said, I second that statement. I think people spend too much time dwelling in the past and it wastes so much time in the present. All it does is lead to more regret down the road. Well, okay, well, let's just- I guess you're not gonna listen to this podcast. I was just gonna say, let's pack it up.

Let's go do something. We might regret not having a conversation. You remember how sometimes we used to just go see a movie? Remember those days? On a workday? Like we could do it because we had time and also you could go to the movie theater. Yeah, neither one of those things happen now.

Neither one of those things is available at this point. But so we should do this podcast. Yeah, I don't wanna regret not doing it. But I, listen, I sympathize with this. We've talked about, I don't know, many different times we've told the story of how, well, we did this and it led to, you know, make a decision to do something

because it'll lead to something else. Everything that we've ever really done was never according to the original plan or intention. Well, I think what Briendo is saying, or at least the way I interpret, if you're happy with where you are, you wouldn't want, you really can't regret things because if you changed it, it may have a ripple effect

that you wouldn't end up being where you are. So you might as well just say, a regret is just a learning opportunity. So I just think we're just using those terms interchangeably. A regret is just a learning opportunity. And so I just think we're just using those terms interchangeably. A regret is something that if presented with the same situation now, you learn the lesson. You do something differently.

Yeah. I mean, do you have something in mind? No, well, yes. So when I think about like professional things or relational things, I don't entertain the possibility of regrets in those areas. I've made a lot of mistakes in both areas, but because I'm happy where I'm at professionally

and I'm happy where I'm at relationally, I wouldn't want it to be any different, just like what you were just saying. So I tend to think, when I think about regrets, they're very personal. They're just things that are just like, it's just you, bro. It was up to you and you didn't do it,

but it wouldn't have affected anything else. I know that's not how time works. I've seen Back to the Future, all three parts. And did you hear there's a fourth part coming out? No, there's not. Ha! You're getting me confused with Bill and Ted. So I think the thing that comes to mind for me

is my health. Oh, are you gonna get it? I thought you were just gonna tease it. Oh. Go for it. Talk about your health. I mean, you're gonna talk about your back again? Every time we turn around, you're talking about your back.

I'm not gonna talk about it much. Is there something in your mouth? Yeah. What's your problem? I think I got something out of my mustache and then it went in my mouth. Why are you getting it out? I'll tease what mine is. And then I think I just swallowed it.

Happens a lot when you've got facial hair like this. I regret the review that I wrote on Airbnb for the place that I stayed on my vacation that I talked about last episode. I wrote the review yesterday. How much time do you have to write a review after the thing? They kept prompting me, you need to do this,

you need to do this, and I was like, okay, I'll do it. So I just did it. And then when I got home last night, I was thinking, man, I gotta think about my regret. And then I couldn't come up with anything at all. I couldn't, no regret came to my mind. It was just like, I have lived a whole life. It's like, why is anything coming to me? I guess that's a good sign.

But then all of a sudden, a few minutes later, I realized that I was actively regretting the review that I wrote. Well, I'm looking forward to hearing it. My wife just wrote the review for our Airbnb. Our Airbnb. Do you regret not riding it yourself? No.

So what's your health thing? Just, it took me until in my late 30s before I actually began to do the things for my back that help it, right? Because it's like, you know, I hurt my back on vacation. I'm 98% now and it's been just a week since I hurt it, right? You know, you remember all those times

where I would hurt my back and I would be out for like the whole summer. Yeah, I had to pull so much extra weight. Yeah, we would have meetings and I would be on my back. So if I had done that when I was- I do my best work horizontal. In my 20s, who knows what would be the case? And also therapy.

But here's the thing. I wasn't ready for therapy. I wasn't ready for therapy until I was ready. So I guess I don't have any regrets. I wish I had dealt with some of the things that I'm dealing with, but I don't see how I would have gotten to it. You know what I'm saying?

I wasn't ready to get to those things. More regrets started flooding in for me. I think I am the type of guy who's like, I mean, the one that came to my mind that I've already shared on Ear Biscuits is when I decided to respond to the text to the friend who we fell out of touch with each other. Yeah, you should regret that.

And then I like wrote this long text back and like, you know, I read it and then I've already talked about that one. That was definitely a regret. If I had to do that again, I wouldn't have written that text. I would have written something differently. Well, and just- We've already been through that.

Right, but I mean, I feel like I need the 15 second summary which was a guy was reaching out to you just to say, hey, haven't seen you in a while. And you responded with, I don't want to be friends. I don't have room for you in my life. Right, you shut down the potential friendship. I wish I did, but I don't. And then the update there, he was like,

I mean, there was some back and forth and I gave the whole thing in an ear biscuit, right? So I just can't go through all of it again. You can find it amongst the forums. the whole thing in an ear biscuit, right? So I just can't go through all of it again. You can find it amongst the forums. But I don't think I gave the update that Christy and I were out on a date and then Christy went to the bathroom and she comes back to the table and she says,

"'Guess who's over at the bar?' And it was him. He was at the bar with a, he turns out he has another friend. Good. He wasn't just hanging everything on me or at least he certainly got the message to get another one. He got at that friend after you sent him that text.

And I'm like, crap, what do I do? Christy? She's like, well, just go over and talk to him. You know, it was in the past and I went over and I was like. And don't say anything about the text. Right, Link? You don't wanna rehash it. Hopefully she didn't tell you,

she did not tell you that or you didn't. I can't remember exactly. Because you're the guy that will send the text, but you're also the guy that will talk about the text the next time you see it. I regret it so much, I wish I wouldn't have sent that. I don't think I was sending that to him. I have a hard time remembering because very quickly,

he graciously changed the subject and was just having a normal conversation, introducing me to his friend, and it was over. But I still regret it. I mean, okay, I'll share the Airbnb thing because I was like, man, I wish I wouldn't have sent that. The place was, in the title, it was called, it had the word luxury, okay?

Okay, that's promising. I was looking for a place near the beach, there's not, you can't find a whole lot of them, especially with the timeframe that I was looking and it was so- Yeah, close to the departure. It was close to the time of departure. So I found this place. I mean, everything was great about it, you know?

I talked about it last week, but in their description, it was like luxury beach, you know, walk to the beach. That was like the title. And so my review was, we really enjoyed the place. It was really well appointed. It was really well decorated. But. I'm paraphrasing. I love the open floor plan. Sure,asing. I love the open floor plan.

Sure, we're talking about the open floor plan. We really enjoyed it because it allowed our family to enjoy being together, eating and playing games. And there wasn't, I liked the fact that there wasn't a television in the main room because it made it where screens weren't a constant fight, but that there was another TV room that we could enjoy. And the kids particularly enjoyed the keyboard.

I'm like leaving, I don't know why, I just started leaving all these things in there. To be this detailed? Because I would have liked to know all this information. Oh, the TV's in a different room, but there's also a keyboard in there and the open floor plan. You mean you can control the TV with a keyboard?

Like one of those keyboard remotes? No, it's just a keyboard. Oh, like a piano. Like a piano. Okay. They enjoyed the piano. I think you should go back and edit the review. Oh gosh.

In parentheses put, I'm talking about a piano. Cause I thought like, when you said TV and then the keyboard. I think I said something like my musically minded kids particularly enjoyed the keyboard. I was saying things like this. You're one of those guys, man? Well, I was just thinking everything that I wish

I would have known that when I read all the reviews, they were, oh, I'll come back. It's a great place. The backyard is amazing. The pictures don't do it justice. That's the kinds of things people were saying? Yeah, and the- Luxury.

And I said, new paragraph, so that was the first paragraph. Oh, this is multi-paragraph. Second paragraph was about that backyard because that's where all my high expectations were. And I said, the backyard was, I said something like it was a haven of relaxation.

I said something like that. I said, and it was beautiful. However. It was not luxury. There was a second property on the, in the back corner of the lot. And there was a dude in a window like looking at you like this whole time.

So you don't, you didn't have a sense of Privacy. Complete privacy. Yeah. You couldn't, and sense of- Privacy. Complete privacy. Yeah. You couldn't, and this is me writing, you couldn't see, the entrance to that house on the lot was not visible to us, and you couldn't see in the windows and vice versa. Well then what's the problem?

It's a wall? You got your Supermans on the other side of it? I don't understand. I said there were windows and they opened them so you could, I could see like a ceiling fan turning and I could tell that there was people in it. And I was like, so that probably explains why they place such an emphasis on quiet hours

in the outside beginning at eight o'clock. I think that's the case in many Airbnbs at the beach because we had people on both sides in the same way. I had people on both sides, I had neighbors. Like four feet away. But listen, there was a fence. And so there was a sense of this is my space and I'm going out here to enjoy this lush luxury

of these trees. It was so, it was beautiful. Your wife put it on Instagram. She put it on Instagram. Yeah, and then there's like an outdoor seating area. She seemed happy. She's like taking a nap out there. But I just felt no one had mentioned in any of the reviews

that there was another property on the lot. Yeah, the guy in the window. You couldn't see the front door, but you could see the windows. You couldn't see anyone through the windows and they couldn't see you, but I knew there were people in there and you don't have a sense of complete privacy.

And that's all I said. Do you know why no one else mentioned this? And then I went to my third paragraph and I said some things about the walk to the beach. I'm coming back to it. I said the walk to the beach was a little farther than I anticipated and you had to cross a railroad track. Okay, well, let me just guess

because when I see walk to the beach or short walk to the beach. Yeah. I don't think you have to cross a railroad track. Well, railroad track doesn't impact the timing unless there's a train, right the beach. Yeah. I don't think you have to cross a railroad track. Well, railroad track doesn't impact the timing unless there's a train, right? Yeah. And then at that point, all bets are off,

especially if it's a freight train and not a passenger train, because those are extra long. Sometimes so long you're like, when did trains get so long? I never saw a train, I didn't write about that. Okay, so railroad track, not a problem. It's just a feature that you can walk across.

For me, it's about the timing. Anything longer than 10 minutes is not a short walk to the beach. I feel like five minutes is like, five minutes is like, you're almost on the beach. I think it said like 12 minute walk to the beach. Oh, it gave you the minutes? You can't, did you time it?

No, and it, because it was, You're complaining about it and they gave you the time. I never walked it, it was too far. And I just, it didn't meet my expectations. You can't say. But I said, but I did drive. The walk is farther than I expected when you told me it was 12 minutes is what I should expect.

If they put the time in there, you can't be mad about that. If they said short walk to the beach and then it was 12 minutes, I'm like, buddy, that's over the 10 minute threshold. They said just like a 12 minute walk to the beach. That's not luxury. It was longer than 12 minutes is really what I'm getting, buddy, that's over the 10 minute threshold. They said just like a 12 minute walk to the beach. That's not luxury. It was longer than 12 minutes

is really what I'm getting at. Okay. And I put, you gotta cross a train track. Some people may care about that. I doubt it. And so I think I'm being really helpful and I'm typing away, I'm typing away. There's a train track, there's a boy in the window

who stares at you when you're in the hammock in the back. I mean, there was a trampoline way back there and it was much closer to this property. And if you wanted to look at my kid in the trampoline, you could peer out of the- Well, that goes both ways. If you jump high enough, you can look into their windows. It does go both ways and I don't like that.

You can get up and see below the ceiling fan and see the family at the top of every jump. Everything that I didn't read in any of the reviews, I put in my review. And then I said- You see that as your role. By the way, I'm not one of those people that leave reviews anywhere.

That's why this is so entertaining to me. But I feel like, so I'm not good at it. Apparently I did it all wrong, but I was detailed and I wrote it for the me that was coming next and I didn't wanna have any regrets. Ironically, thinking about it later, even though I closed the review with, would love to stay here again.

That's one of those reviews where, was this review helpful? Everyone's like, no. It's like, cause I'm so confused. He's complaining about everything, but he wants to stay there again. I don't know how to take this. So then I regret, I started thinking about

the owners of the house and how they probably set up that other property back there in order to, they had to make extra money, or maybe that was them living in that other house while we lived in their house. And they're just trying to make ends meet, and COVID, and nobody's coming through the beach. And I started to feel really guilty and regret

leaving this anal and detailed review of this place. And I think maybe I decimated their business model. Like now everyone's gonna see, well, there's another property in the backyard. I'm not gonna stay here. It doesn't have a sense of complete privacy. Don't give yourself that much credit. How many reviews were there on this property?

44. Oh, no, you made no impact. I went and looked at my review because I just wanted to read the review to you. They haven't posted it yet. It's not on there. So now I feel even worse. No, no, here's the deal.

Cause Jessie literally, right before we started recording this podcast, because I asked her, posted the review for our Airbnb, our Airbnb. Yes. You know what I'm saying? I just took a something out and didn't know what it was. That's the place where you just have air and breakfast. She said,

it's not posted yet. So I think there is some sort of like- I think they have to review me too. Yeah. But I don't think they can see my review. I can't see their review and they can't see my review until they're both reviewed. Yeah, blindness, mutual blindness. But then I told Christine, she was like,

I mean, it might've been a little too detailed, but I think if people are interested in it, they'll be interested. And if not, they'll think that you're a crazy person. When they see three or four paragraphs, they'll stop reading. I love that. When I'm renting a place for like a week

and I'm taking my family, I wanna know there's a railroad track. I wanna know. Do you know how many reviews there were on the house that we rented? I don't know. No? Why would I even guess?

Does it matter? One. One? There was one review. Now I told Jesse. That's risky. I was like, I don't feel good about it. It was a five star review and it was one of these places

that they've just started renting it. Written by the cousin of the owner. And I'm like, you never should do this. You should never stay at a place. You should never be the guinea pig. But again, it was late notice. We kind of planned this vacation where we were gonna go. I was like, okay, let's just bite the bullet and do it.

And then we had a number of things that we were, I told you last week, I was upset about the hot tub. I didn't tell you about the mice. I don't wanna hear about the mice. Yeah, they were very- Just crawling around? They were the most luxurious mice you can imagine. Were they crawling on you when you were sleeping? No, but- Were they on dishes

that you were going to use? They were only seen one time, and it was by Locke's friend who's living with us. Again, the one that- Chore boy. Yeah, he spots everything for us. He's also the mouse spotter. He saw the mouse and we saw the poop, and Jesse was kind of freaked out about that.

They brought somebody over to like set traps. It's like, okay, whatever. The bed was too soft and hurt my back, but I felt bad. Like you can't complain about that. Cause like, you can't be like the bed's too soft. Just like people be like, what's wrong with you, man? A lot of times you'll see the bed's too hard. I thought about saying the bed was too hard, but I didn't.

So I was like, you can't say the bed's too soft. I chose my battles. That's my issue, I got a bad back. I'm not gonna be that unreasonable. Oh, you got a bad back? Let's talk about that some more. But you know what else? I think the reason that your critique

of the lack of privacy is, the part that you should regret is because- It was on the property. We had the same thing and there was a guy there and it was, I knew it was the same house because it was on the same, it was like you go in the backyard and then there's like a house that like faces the other way

and it's the garage, which we couldn't get into. Mm-hmm. But they had designed it in a way where there were no windows facing into the yard. Like it was a completely blank wall as if they thought like, oh, there's gonna be other people back here. We want to have a sense of privacy in the backyard. But the guy did come out a few times

and like walk down to the trash can and I just made eye contact with him. I didn't even, I didn't even, I didn't even nod. That's the beauty of like, I prefer the Airbnbs when you never see the person who's you're renting from. They just give you the code to the door and you, you know, you communicate with them over text. But I'm saying that's a lot to ask.

Yeah, it is and that's why I regret it. It's a lot to ask. I mean, you gotta pay big money you want that kind of privacy at the California, Southern California beaches. Yeah, and I bet you that's what they were saying. It's like, God, this guy, I hate this guy. Right, they definitely hate you.

But I'm going back. So I kinda regret that. I don't know. Oh, and when Jessie wrote the review. You think I should regret it? That seems to be your stance. No, I don't know. Oh, and when Jessie wrote the review. You think I should regret it? That seems to be your stance. No, I don't. I mean, I think you,

if anything, you should regret the time that you took. Yeah. I think the information will be helpful to somebody. Oh, it flowed like water. It didn't take long at all. I asked Jessie what she said about it, and she was like, I just said it was a really nice house

with a couple of issues or something like that. But like- Well, if you don't say the issues. Well, she won't, I mean, she's not really responding to my texts right now. She must be busy. So I don't know if she regrets it or not. Shop Best Buy's ultimate smartphone sale today.

Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. Regret. I'll float a question out there that we don't have to answer. We can just kind of percolate on it. Is it better to regret something you did or something you didn't do?

Let's filter that through these. I guess it depends on what it is that was to be done. I'm quoting the philosopher Flea from the Red Hot Chili Peppers who was quoting lyrics from the band the Butthole Surfers in a song called Deep Kick. Where, you shouldn't let flea sing, I will say that. Well, I have an answer, but I'll save it.

Okay. This one, this regret. I don't think there's a correct answer. It's from Jannie. Jannie. Jannie, Jannie? C23 on Twitter. My parents have been saving a rum bottle

since their wedding day to open on their 25th anniversary. Okay. 25th anniversary. One night, me and my ex were at my house alone and we drank almost the entire bottle. On purpose? I had no idea it was from their wedding. I've never owned up to it. Oh, they don't know.

So which part does she regret? The drinking of it or the not owning up to it? Because if she didn't know, she said, I had no idea it was from their wedding. It's just later she's like, you know somebody drank our 25 anniversary rum, Jannie. Can you believe that? Or is it possible that rum evaporates when you get closer,

like after 20 years of marriage? It doesn't evaporate in one night. Well, I think the answer to that question is simple. You can regret something that you did not know was wrong at the time for sure. But you can't, you can feel, well, you can feel bad about it. But you can't blame yourself if you didn't know.

Yeah, I mean, if the liquor cabinet was free reign and it was just that particular bottle choice and you had no way of knowing. This is your parents' fault. Should have had a label. This is your parents' fault. If this bottle of rum- You can feel bad but-

You shouldn't regret it. I understand your decision unless there's something you're not telling us. If you've got something that is special to you, in any household, drink, food, like something that like, label. I am going to be mad if someone else consumes this. And there is not a preexisting agreement, like everything on this shelf is mine.

Cause there are a lot of houses where roommates share fridges and like they do the shelf system. So there's not a predetermined system of claiming what's what. If it's not labeled, you cannot get mad about it. And you don't, my 10 year olds figured this out. There's post-it notes everywhere. You know, there's a post-it note

on the mirror of his bathroom that says, don't use my towel, use your towel. And it's a note to Lincoln because they share a bathroom and he gets mad because Lincoln uses his hand. Lando says that to Lincoln? Yeah, apparently Lincoln uses the nearest hand towel, which is Lando's, not the one that's on the other side that should be his.

Uses the hand towel for what? His hands. Hold on, they have separate hand towels? Yeah. That's a Neil household. There's two sinks. Hold on. It's a double sink.

It's one thing to share a, to not share a body towel. Yeah, don't go there. Hand towel. Lando made a Post-it note. Don't use my hand towel, use yours. What's he worried about on Lincoln's hands? It's just damp.

You don't wanna, it's like you get up and you want a nice fresh. He wants a dry towel. You don't want it to be damp with somebody else's dampness. I think the thing you should regret, Jannie, is not owning up to it. I mean, it was an honest mistake.

There was no label. That's what's eating away at you. Just the tension that it's gonna be brought up and you're gonna be found out. You're making yourself much guiltier than you should be. And you know what? I relate. I relate. I relate.

Well, here's the best thing to do right now, Jani, because I agree that you need to own up to this. The simplest way to do that is just to send your parents this podcast episode. And there's, you know, if you're a- I have to listen for quite a while. If you're a tech savvy person, you can do that thing where you link directly

to the time code, whatever, and just send it to them. And hey, thank you for joining us, Janet's parents. We're sorry about what your daughter did, but I will say, you know what? It's not her fault, it's your fault. She should have told you, but she's telling you now. While you're at it, subscribe to this podcast. Yeah, click the bell.

Yeah, and label your stuff. I mean, if it's that important to you. And there's also a reason why Janie and her ex are broken up now because they've just been so eaten up over this. And also- They couldn't even stay together. Drinking just a straight bottle of rum this. And also- They couldn't even stay together. Drinking just a straight bottle of rum, as you know,

you've got experience with that. That leads nowhere good. Yeah, especially if a bathtub is involved. If you're not a pirate, if you're not a pirate currently on duty, do not drink straight rum and nothing else. What if it's labeled? If you're a pirate and it's labeled,

this is for our 25th wedding anniversary. You should be, yeah. You should take it. Yeah, you should be stealing things. That's the spirit of pirate. That's how you say true to pirate, yeah. Let's hear another regret. This is uplifting.

This is from Sam P23. Another 23, 23 is our number today. Getting a tattoo of Wreck-It Ralph riding a wrecking ball with Miley's I came in like a wrecking ball under it. It was funny at first, now I'm stuck with it for life. Ha ha ha. Yeah, I mean, we agree.

It was funny at first. I think it's still funny. At this point in our conversation, it's kind of wearing off. Like, I mean, in the time it takes to do that tattoo, I don't know, it's not really that funny anymore. But. Well, I wonder where it is.

It depends on two things, where it is and how many other tattoos you have, right? But I would say regardless of the situation, even if it's your only tattoo and it's on your forehead, I mean, like, let's just say it's the worst possible combination of those two things. I think this is, let's see, came in like a wrecking ball. I think this one should be right below the waistband.

Right, right. It's all about the way that you, just think about it. If you saw somebody with that tattoo, and the thing is you wouldn't ask them anything about it. You would just make assumptions about it. If you saw somebody with that tattoo, and the thing is you wouldn't ask them anything about it. You would just make assumptions about them. But if you got into a conversation with them, then it would be a really funny conversation starter. What would that be?

Hey, I like your tattoo. Well, tell me about your tattoos. Well, it would probably say, I like your tattoo. It's like, yeah, I thought it was funny at the time. Wreck-It Ralph, wrecking ball. You know, it was a cultural moment. Okay, that's what you can't do, Sam P23. Don't wallow in your regret.

Don't converse about your regret. If anyone's gonna talk about the tattoo, just own it. Act like you don't regret it. Because it doesn't, you have it, it makes you, correct me if I'm wrong, I think it makes you, it makes it worse when you're like, you apologize for it. I just think you'd be like, yeah, it is, I mean, even it is what it is, you know,

is better than something, like yeah, I just, Own it, yeah, own the mistake. I wish I didn, even it is what it is, you know, is better than something, like, yeah, I just- Own it, yeah. I wish I didn't do it. No, don't own the mistake. Own that you have it and don't pull somebody else and don't make it a downer. Like we've made this podcast about talking about regret. Don't do that with people you talk to.

Don't engage in regret just in casual conversation because it's a downer. What we, you know, we're professionals, we know how to keep it up. But what if it's somebody that you're trying to impress or you think there might be a future friendship or relationship with them? If it's a first date, you can be like, yeah, I'm looking for something to go over this

and I think it might be your face. Yeah, you won't make me. I meant get a new tattoo. I wasn't talking about the below the waistband again. Oh, right, because you were gesturing to your shoulder as you did it. That is one strategy. What I was gonna say was, I just think simply saying,

you know what? I thought it was funny at the time. You see somebody make eye contact with it? I thought it was funny at the time. You see somebody make eye contact with it, I thought it was funny at the time. You know what, still pretty funny. Well, if you're gonna do that, tattoo that underneath it. Okay, that's a good update. I thought this was funny at the time.

I thought this was funny in 1998 or whatever it was. And this was actually not that long ago if it was wrecking ball. So that's a few years, I don't know. I've lost track of time. What about, we had a friend who, there was the kids in high school that started getting tattoos their senior year

when they turned 18, right? There's, especially back in 1996, when we were moving into our senior year of high school, Especially back in 1996, when we were moving into our senior year of high school, there was a kids that turned 18 and got tattoos and it was like, oh really? I'm sure that's a lot more common than it is now. And also there's a lot of kids who are younger than that

who go in with their parents permission and get tattoos. You talking about Pearl Jam tattoo or you talking about Tasmanian devil tattoo? I'm talking about Tasmanian, I'm just thinking about both, but I wanted to talk about Tasmanian devil. Because'm talking about Tasmanian, I'm just thinking about both, but I wanted to talk about Tasmanian Devil. Because we had a friend who came to school one day and he had gotten a full color.

Like it looked like I had just tuned into a cartoon. You know what I'm saying? It was just like, it was a freeze frame from a Warner Brothers. Is that where the Tasmanian Devil is from? I don't know. It was the Tasmanian Devil ripping out of his delt and coming to say hello. But in a spin, he was coming out,

he had broken through in the Tasmanian Devil spin. The tornado. Yeah, and even at that age, at that time, we felt bad for him. Not a good look. Yeah, and even at that age, at that time, we felt bad for him. Not a good look. It's tough, it's tough to- No way he still got that. It's tough to react to a tattoo. No way he still got that tattoo.

I bet he does. Do you think it's got you covered up with other things? Yeah, yeah, I bet he's got other things. Because the one you're thinking about right now, Pearl Jam, the Pearl Jam tattoo was covered up by college. Yep, that's true. Like literally like two years later, the Pearl Jam tattoo was completely covered over.

And that wasn't even that bad of a tattoo. No, it wasn't. And now I think it's come back. You know, it's like if you had it that long, now's a good time to have a Pearl Jam tattoo. Can you get one layer of a coverup tattoo removed to reveal a previous tattoo? Like an archeological tattoo removal?

It's just like, do you want the tattoo that you used to regret? Can Dr. Tatoff do that? Uh-uh, no. I mean, I don't know how poison ivy works, apparently, according to everybody. Yeah, it's very clear you don't. But I do know how Tatoffs work.

What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is... Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leah President. And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect. It's a weekly news show.

With the best celebrity guests. And hot takes galore. So join us every Friday, wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. What about this? Mythical Alina.

Eating a soggy burrito. I tried to heat it up in a pan, but it stuck. So I scraped it off and ate it wet. Ate a wet cold burrito that was also hot in some spots. It had avocado and shrimp in it too. I vomit just thinking about it. That's very specific. That's a very specific regret.

Yeah, that is a specific one. I've never tried to heat up a burrito like that. Whenever I have the second half of a burrito, I just eat it cold. Do you do this with other foods or just burritos? Most, I think- What about pizza? Cold, fried chicken, cold. Well, yeah, but both of those things that you mentioned,

fried pizza, fried chicken and pizza kind of have their own character cold, but a burrito doesn't have character cold. Like a Chipotle burrito, they're so huge, I'll cut them in half and then I'll unwrap the foil and I'll just eat the second half. It's difficult to heat up, I will give you that much. It's not that good.

One of the things that I regret, I don't know why this pops into my head, but it's a bit sad, but bear with me. Remember when we went on that off-roading trip with the group of people that we didn't know? And the one guy was the leader, the organizer of the trip. And like, it's a four day trip in Death Valley. It was the first time we went.

He was the leader and then this tragic thing happened to him when like his child passed away. Right. His young child and he lived a long ways away, like lived in Northern California. Yeah. But our friend Nick knew him better because like he had connected with him, met him,

and that's how he got invited to the trip and then we got invited and we got to know him some. Nick knew him better. But I had an opportunity to go with Nick up to the funeral service. And I just, for some reason, I really regret not going. Like, I just feel like, I feel like it was one of those things where it's like,

that was the right thing to do. And yeah, I had my rationale. I was like, we would have had to, it was so far that we'd have to stay overnight or like, it was a long freaking drive to get to where this thing was. And then it's like, I only knew him at this one trip. We're not actually friends. It was very easy to say, well,

this is not my place to go there, but then it kind of eats away at me, even now. They're like, I didn't go. Cause I felt like, you know, when somebody goes through something that horrible, it's just like, wow, people came out, people I didn't expect came out of the woodwork just to show up.

And I know it was a long drive. I think it would have meant a lot to him that somebody who barely knew him took the time to go up there. And I think Nick went anyway. So maybe I think too highly of myself. I don't know, it's weird that I fixate on that. Yeah, listen, because I'm not,

first of all, I think in some circumstances, you kind of got, you got to let yourself off the hook. Listen, because in my mind, the moment that I begin thinking about all the things that I could do, all the choices that I could make that would be selfless or whatever, I'm gonna have all kinds of regrets, right? In that particular situation,

obviously I felt horrible about what was going on, but we literally, like Nick had been on multiple trips with him and like talked to him on the phone, was a friend, like. Yeah, they were friends. We went on a trip that had four or five cars in a caravan and like there was a couple of times where we like had a conversation

while we're sitting around a fire. He would probably have a hard time remembering our names. It would have, in my mind, it would have been a little bit strange for you to go. That's my take on it. So I definitely don't think you should feel bad about it. Yeah, I guess I just feel so bad for him. I completely get that.

Yeah, so that I would, it's like, well, I think that's why it stays in my brain is because it was such a tragic thing that like I didn't, you know, I actually didn't do anything. It moved me, but it didn't actually move me transportationally. I get it.

I think that's why it stuck in my brain. And I'm sure some people would interpret what I'm saying as cold hearted, but I'm saying that I think, and it's not, I have sympathy for the guy. But I don't know, I feel like there's lots of situations, because when you think about it, you know. Well, here's the thing.

Well, think about this. I mean, Jessie and I talk about this, you know. We try to be pretty charitable, right? There's plenty of things that we can give to and we try to be strategic and sort of effective in the things that we give to. But then we also do things like spend money on making our yard nice, right?

And there's a, and I'm less, like, if I were to like present it to Jesse and I were to say, you know what, we can make the pool nicer or we could take all that money and we could give it to somebody who needs it, right? Mm-hmm. And it's just like, okay, so from a strict moral standpoint,

should you give away all your money and everything and do nothing for yourself until you have done all those things for other people. It's like, I get into a place where I'm like, I mean, I'm sure there's somebody who's gonna live their life like that, but I'm like, okay, I don't wanna be irresponsible and I wanna be generous,

but I also wanna spend some money on something that I feel like me and my family are gonna enjoy, but I can't sit around and think like, oh, you know what, if you hadn't gotten that, if you hadn't installed this thing at your house that you wanted and put these speakers up in your backyard, you could have given speakers to somebody else. Yeah.

I just don't think that's a, I just don't think it's a healthy way to live because you can always find something that you, you can make yourself feel obligated to do. Cause it also, cause in another sense, it also makes you, it centers you in the conversation. Like, oh, well if I had done this, it would have solved the problem

or it would have meant that much to this guy if I had done that. Yeah. There's an element of it that gets into centering yourself. I think in that it's like, I met the guy once, I don't know him, I'm not really his friend. It's like, and I think when Nick asked me to go,

you had something planned specific, but I didn't have anything specifically planned. And so Nick asked, do you wanna go with me? So he didn't have to drive all that way by himself. Yeah, right. And I think that's how he put it to me. And then it was, I don't know, something may have come up. I regret not, you know, we had the friend

who just had the birthday and it was like, and this had, I don't know. I regret this. This is a regret. I regret. A shared regret, everybody. I regret this. So. And he listens to this podcast, so. Well, he's not, don't listen to this part, Harm.

Don't wanna spoil this, I don't, spoil it, it's gonna be awkward. A lot of people are doing this type of thing. I think this is a, he was turning 40. And I think it is like a, it's more of a middle-aged thing. I don't think when people turn 20 or 25, this happens, but maybe it does in certain circles. But this is definitely not an out of the blue request

from his wife. Hey, this is a secret. Can you write a note for, he's turning 40, for his birthday. And mail it. And mail it. To this address. He's gonna really appreciate that. I mean, we had another,

the way that it first started happening was YouTubers would like contact us that we knew, like YouTube friends or like their partner or something would say, I'm, we did it for Philip DeF their partner or something, they'll say, we did it for Philip DeFranco a long, long time ago, back when we were in Lillington. Hey, I'm doing a surprise in Phil for his birthday.

Can you do a little video snippet, send it to me and I'm gonna create this montage. It's the private version. And then there was another, this is actually, this request has come in three different times in the past three months. Now the first one that came in was also, was a YouTube friend and it was their partner saying, "'Hey, I'm doing this thing to celebrate his birthday,'

but they sent us a link that you could just go to a website and hit record and you were recording a message to them." Or send a voice, like record a voice memo with your phone and email it to me. And I did that. And you know what I did? Right when I got the email, I was like, you know what, I'm just gonna do it right now.

Because if I say I'm gonna do it later, I'll never get back to it because there's never a time. You know what, you know what I wanna do? I wanna drop everything I'm doing and I wanna sit down and record a voice memo six times because I'm not happy with the first five talking about how trying to make somebody feel good on their birthday.

It's just, it's not the first thing you ever want to do. But I just went ahead and did it. But then I got a second request from somebody that we worked with at one point. Yes. And I actually thought about doing that one. I thought about doing that one. But it was, there was a slight extra piece of it.

It was more like send your video to this email address or something and I was like, am I gonna do this? And it's not somebody that we're in regular contact with at this point. Even though I saw him at a restaurant right before COVID. Okay, well you should have done it then because you had more recent contacts. He was very nice to me.

Yeah. And I was very happy to see him, but. I almost did that one. I don't regret that one. But I don't regret it, but when the third one came in. I really regret this one. This is one of our really good friends who we on a regular basis were in contact with.

And it was his wife who was organizing this, but it came through one of our other mutual friends. And when it came in, there was like a deadline. It was, you know, not that this is an excuse, but the deadline was like, oh, it was like, we need this in a week. And I remember thinking when it came in, I was like, this is gonna be tough for me to do, but I'm gonna do it.

And when I say tough, I mean like, I gotta write a letter, I gotta mail it. I mean, just the other day or like last month. I didn't even remember that it had to be mailed. I needed to mail something to our, like our business people. I needed to mail something to them. I had to mail it too, yeah.

And come to find out I mailed it a month before you did because you apparently don't remember how to mail. No, I haven't mailed anything in so long. I was like, do we have envelopes? And then I was like, do we have stamps? And Jessie was, and Jessie's just like me. She's like, I don't know. Like we don't mail things.

Yeah, I had to walk into the post office and do all of that. And so it took me a month to mail a letter that was like an important thing. And so I knew this was gonna be trouble, but I was like, I'm gonna do this because this guy means a lot to me and I wanna communicate that.

Well, he means a lot to me too. Yeah, I'm sure you had every intention to do it as well. But then I completely forgot about it. Like, it was like, I had a moment and I didn't write it down because I'm not good at that. I didn't write it down and then a week passes and then the next week passes and then you say to me, hey, did you write that letter to our friend?

And I was like, oh crap, I didn't. And it's already, it's a week late. It's, and then I felt really bad. And then we got on the phone with him and he was like, he was talking to, I was like, how was your birthday? Cause we had talked about how his birthday was coming up, but I didn't, of course I didn't talk to him

about the letter thing. And he talked about his birthday. He was like, man, it was a good day. It was, and he talked about all this and he talked about all this stuff that happened and he talked about the letters he got. And I just kind of like, I nodded my head. I was like, he doesn't know that I was prompted to write a letter, you know?

I'm more of a recent reconnect. He knows now. He knows now, shoot. Yeah, we shouldn't have said anything about it. And then I was like, you know what I'm gonna do? I said to myself, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm not gonna talk about it. When he was telling me, I got these letters,

like my wife got all these people to write these letters and it was really cool and I was like nodding my head and I was thinking at that moment, I was like, damn it. I really wanted to express that he does, his friendship means a lot to me. And then I thought, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna write a letter anyway, and I'm gonna send it to him.

And you still haven't done that. And I know. Hold on, but let me just say. When he turns 80, I'll do it. I thought that was only in multiples of 40. I thought that what you're about to say, because again, this would be a very link thing to do. The moment that he is on the video chat,

and I think I was either not present for that video chat. You weren't present. The moment he starts talking about it is the moment that all of a sudden you say, Hey man, I want to tell you that I got the message about it, but I didn't do it and I don't have a good excuse for it. But, and then you see, and it's coming from a good place.

I mean, most of the time it's coming from a really good place, but you would say something that would make him feel awkward. Well, you know what? And so I'm really glad that you didn't. I didn't say anything. Cause I said at that moment, he's talking about what a good birthday he had.

I'm not gonna be like. And then it would just be about the fact that Link forgot doing this and it was everybody's talking about that. So you made the right call and's talking about what a good birthday he had. I'm not going to be like... And then it would just be about the fact that Link forgot doing this, and it was everybody's talking about that. So you made the right call on not talking about it. We probably shouldn't even have talked about it on the podcast, but too late for that. Would you like that, by the way, for one of your birthdays,

for a bunch of people to write you a letter? I mean, I think that was kind of his love language, like his wife knew that. It does not strike me as something that I would be into. I would appreciate it. If I were to read it, I'd be like, oh, this is actually really meaningful and nice. Words of affirmation.

I think I would be into it. But it's not something that I would think to request. And I'm not saying he requested it. He didn't. I'm just saying that I don't think that it's something that like my wife would, first of all, it would require a level of logistical planning that neither of us, me or my wife are capable of to organize.

But we can plan a really cool party. So that's probably what we would do. But it wouldn't be, I'm gonna get letters. I don't know how that makes you seem, but it didn't seem good. We can plan a cool party. I'm saying that we can plan a party, but we can't plan multiple people sending things

to one place and it being done on time. If he's listening, let's just do it right now. Matt, you're a great- See, now this is the moment where, if I'm like the part of your brain that like speaks sensibly to you, I say, don't do this because you're going to end up saying, you're gonna be making light of it

and then you kind of make light of the whole thing and it ends up being less meaningful. So, but now that you started- I'm ridden with guilt. Guilt is riding me. Like. You struggle with guilt. You struggle with a lot of guilt.

I've noticed this. It's interesting when you said, I don't have a lot of regrets. I didn't think of a lot of regrets. And then I was flooded with. I thought like, Link is constantly regretting things. It's my impression. Cause it's better to regret something you did

than something you didn't do. You might as well go for it. Well, I agree with that. The things that are getting me are the things I didn't do. You know, what would have happened if I would have gone to that funeral? Well, again, you can't do that to yourself.

Yeah. Because it probably would have been, he would have been touched and you would have felt good about it. Forget the funeral. It was a great opportunity to tell my friend that I really do love him and appreciate him. And I blew it.

Yeah. Blew it off. And now. At least I regret it. You don't even seem to regret it. Did I say I did? I told you from the beginning, I regret it. But I don't- You don't seem like you do.

Well, no, because I don't think that, I don't know how fruitful it is to like just beat yourself up over it. Like if you're gonna do something about it to rectify it, yes, but if you're not gonna do anything to rectify it, why are you gonna sit there and feel bad about it? Well, I wanna feel just bad enough to do differently next time.

That's exactly, okay, so here's what I decided about that situation. I was like, you know what? He'll think this is funny. Like he'll think the fact that we're talking about it is funny, right? Like he'll get a kick out of this. And you know what?

I'm not ridden with guilt about it. I just think this is funny too. No, it's- No, no, no, no, but you're not listening to what I'm saying. I feel bad about it, but I know that he doesn't think like. He's not crushed. He's not like, oh, I can't, I know that they don't actually care about me or love me

because I didn't send them. But for the action that I wanna take is not to be like, hey, I feel like I need to make this right with you. In other words, like. Yeah, we didn't wrong him. Oh, I decided to go ahead and write you something. No, what I'm gonna do is the next time a request of that nature comes in,

I need to remember, if you actually want to do this, you need to know you need to do it right now. Because if you do not do it right now, you're not gonna do it. And if you actually wanna do it, do it right now. Because if you do not do it right now, you're not gonna do it. And if you actually wanna do it, do it right now. I think you could have just emailed. And like, listen, I'm gonna do it right now, but I'm only gonna be able to email it.

Is that okay? Here it is. Well, I thought about that, but in the moment it felt like- I'm gonna do this on my terms. Yeah, like I'm usurping the process. I ain't got time. I don't know how stamps work.

They wanted it to be physical mail. And so I, listen, I think that, it's not that I don't regret, it's just that I don't find it, I don't know what the benefit of just sitting around and thinking about it. Like that, the situation, I understand why you feel bad about that going to the-

They're two different things. Don't bring up the funeral anymore. Okay, all right. Forget about that. Like the situation, I understand why you feel bad about that going to the- They're two different things. Don't bring up the funeral anymore. Okay, all right. Forget about that, I agree with that. And the other thing I think is, we can just move on. Something that there's absolutely no question that you should have done.

It feels different than something that you're asking the question of, should I have done that? Also, I think, you know, the letter thing was better. We also had a friend one time who his spouse said, send a quick video. Those are the worst. Like that's why the last one that was just audio. I did that though.

Audio is so much better. The voice memo thing, that's the ticket. Oh, it's the best, but I did the video one. So when you're gonna do this for a loved one and surprise them, ask people to just email a voice memo. That's the best. There's a website that you can send people to. That's the best thing to do.

Where they don't even have to email the voice memo. That's the best one. It records right through the computer and then you can approve it, edit it. And then you're like hearing their voice. Yeah, it's even better. So you're saying that's what his wife should have done. Is that what you're saying?

She's the one who's had- It's her fault. It's definitely her fault. She should regret. Right. She should regret this whole thing. She should be riddled with guilt. Right. Right. Okay, we're not done with the regrets.

Oh, we're not? Because I really want to hit this one. Dave DeWitt, I regret not taking Rhett and Link up on a lunch invitation. Why can't you read? Start over. It's too far away from me. Seriously?

Yeah. Like I've been, you can't see, dude. I need glasses and I'm about to totally ruin your brand. Dave DeWitt tweeted at us, I regret not taking Rhett and Link up on lunch. I can't read it either. Do you have any regrets about what you just said to me? I regret not taking Rhett and Link

up on a lunch invitation because I had to cover a Slim Jim factory explosion in Garner, North Carolina. True story. So Rhett read that and turned to me and was like, Dave, do we know a Dave DeWitt? And then he reads the tweet to me and I'm like, well, he's a journalist. I guess he did an article on us back in North Carolina,

back in the day. So I just Googled Dave DeWitt. And then we invited him to go to lunch, but he couldn't because the Slim Jim factory exploded. I Googled Dave DeWitt, Rhett and Link and an article from June 30th, 2009. Oh, wow. So 11 years ago, 11 years ago and a couple months,

written about us and I'm just gonna read a quote from Link because that was what I found the most entertaining. "'We were friends right from the start, says Link. You know, looking back, you can see that you were wired to be an entertainer. Every opportunity there was to get in front of a group, Rhett and I said, yeah, let's do a rap song. What are you laughing at?

It's like the transition to a rap song. And then at the Beta Club Convention, adds Rhett. Yeah, who raps at the Beta Club Convention, says Link, laughing. We do, man. Yeah, so this is- I don't remember. I don't think he got that right.

I think Dave DeWitt got us wrong because we didn't rap at the Beta Club Convention. We just told jokes. Yeah, but we probably did say that we did that, you know? Oh, you lied. You confused two stories, which that will be the first time we've done that. Yeah.

Anything else in this article? Yeah, well, this was basically about, he wanted to talk to us because the Red House furniture commercial had just come out. Oh. But he goes on just to kind of put things into perspective like, he says, they have produced more than 200 videos from their basement studio in a small town

in rural North Carolina. Those videos have been watched more than 16 million times. Yeah. That still sounds like a lot. Oh look, it links to their website. Oh. Oh, their website is- It redirects. It redirects to mythical.com. Because it to their website. Oh. Oh, their website is- It redirects.

It redirects to mythical.com. Because it wasn't mythical.com. And then it, go back to the end, the end of this thing. Someday soon, Rent and Link may be more than just internet famous. Maybe they'll do an independent film project with an actual budget. Well, maybe we won't.

But for now, they're back in the basement where the motivation is just to try to be funny and pay the rent. If Rhett's father-in-law ever gets around to ask him for it. That's right. Good closer, Dave DeWitt. Why don't we, let us take you to lunch. Oh, you got somewhere to be, huh?

Dave, you know, open invitation. You ever wanna come out to Los Angeles? We'd love to get lunch. So we didn't really get into it. It's nice to be someone else's regret. We didn't get into any heavy regrets, but we did personally. I mean, you got into it about as heavy

as it can possibly get. Did I? I think so. The death of a child. Right, yes. And somehow we went from talking about a burrito being cold or hot and you're like, you know, that makes me think about the time

I didn't go to a funeral. I was like, whoa, what? I'm sorry. You know, I just, here's the thing that I'm sensitive to. If you wanna go back to it again. Yeah, let's talk about this. There's these moments of character

when it's like you can, it feels like you can do something to like, you wanna help or you wanna, you know, you wanna come to the rescue or something and you wanna, something goes really wrong and you wanna, I wanna know that I can respond and make a difference. Okay, you know what, let's actually talk about this because we do have a difference here, right?

And I wouldn't say, and I'm sure there's lots of people who think I'm an asshole, I get it, I understand. Especially when we're in the midst of a conversation, it's like, well, Link seems to feel bad about that and have empathy and Rhett doesn't seem to feel bad about that. I think you Rhett doesn't seem to feel bad about that. I think you know me well enough and I know you well enough to know that one of us is not a better or nicer

or more empathetic person than the other. I had the same, we're different, but- I agree with you, your assessment of this incident. I should not beat myself over this at all. I agree with you, your assessment of this incident. I should not beat myself over this at all. And I do that a lot, especially on the podcast. And it makes you look like you're telling me not to beat myself up or you would,

I don't beat myself up about not going to that funeral is what you say. That doesn't make you a, there should be no negative response associated with that. I absolutely agree with that. I'm not worried. In therapy, I am focusing on not caring about what people think about me. And I know a lot of people have thoughts about me.

It doesn't bother me. I shouldn't have done anything differently. I agree with you. Right, but I guess what I'm saying is, I think a lot of times, you might feel, your motivation to care about it is very pure and you have a big heart

and you wanna be there for somebody. But do you think that one of the reasons that you dwell on that kind of thing is because, because I know for me a lot of times, I want to do something to prove to myself that I'm capable of something, right? You know what I'm saying? It's not so much about like,

oh, I actually think that doing this is going to make this giant impact in this person's life or you know what I'm saying? It's more like, sometimes I feel there's a motivation to do something to kind of prove to myself that I care. Like saying- Prove to myself, not prove to them that I care. Like I wanna write a letter about my friend,

to my friend turning 40, because that's the thing that a good friend would do. Yes. That is an equation that frequently comes into my mind. It's like, if I want to be a good friend, what would a good friend do here? And I wanna do it. So it's one step removed from,

yes, I would be glad to express my gratitude to my friend who just turned 40 in a letter. There's this added baggage of what's the right thing to do? What's the type of person I wanna be? And it's kind of, it's tertiary. There's some people who are like, oh yes, I would love, I know exactly what I would say. I'm like, oh, I don't know what I,

it's like, I gotta come up with what to say and now it's gotta be, I don't know. You know, I think about all that. Yeah, and that's what I'm just saying. I don't, like I'm hard enough on myself as, I'm very hard on myself, but I'm not hard on myself in a way that people recognize. Do you know what I'm saying?

It's just like, I don't spend a lot of time talking about it. So you might be like, boy, is he a psychopath? He doesn't seem to care. It's like, no, I care deeply about a lot of things, but I act when, I mean, you know, like one of the reasons I like do every once in a while, I'll just like write a medium article about something that I feel passionately about.

Yeah. Is like, I'm not doing that to draw attention to myself. I know that that is an element of it, it's a result of it. But I'm doing it because I'm like, I can't be quiet about this. Like, I feel like I have to say something. So if I don't write a Medium article about the same thing, does that mean that I don't care about that

or that I have a different stance? I think that's what you're saying. Right, and I don't- The way that you express yourself is- It's just, yeah, I express myself differently. So you can't beat yourself up by holding yourself to some external standard that shouldn't apply to you. Right, yeah, and I just think that.

And I think you're. I just think that like being hard on yourself, like who are you trying to please, right? Like when you say that's what a best friend would do, right? I no longer believe that there is a judgmental God watching me and making sure I do the right thing. That's not, I don't live by an ethic that is based on potential punishment

or reward from a deity. That's not how, I don't think that way anymore, right? I think about what the tangible experiential impact of my actions is. And it just so happens that most of the things that most people would consider moral are also things that you yourself will benefit from, right? Like doing things for other people,

ultimately you will benefit from those things. And I'm just saying, I think that the idea of like, spending a lot of emotional energy sitting around and thinking about what you could have done or what would have been the right thing to do, it's just like, take the lesson, apply it for next time, but if you're just wallowing in it. I'm not really.

It popped into my head with this prompt, but I'm not wallowing in it. But you said you still feel bad about it. It popped into my head and then I felt bad about it. But now I agree that I shouldn't feel bad about it at all. But you feel kind of like maybe it's callous to say that. Yes, but it's not really. Cause it's misplaced, as we've already determined,

it was misplaced empathy that has nothing to do with me. And that I didn't have a place to make better. Cause I wasn't actually connected to it. Whereas a totally different scenario would be if somebody came to me and said, hey, that thing you said or that thing you did hurt me in this way. Now, the expectation at that point is like,

oh, I gotta do something to make this right. Like this isn't about me anymore. This is about something that's like, if you had been a better friend to this guy and he had been in contact with you and he would have like called you and been like, really hurt me that you didn't show up for me. Yeah, he would never do that.

Right. But it's because, yeah. So I guess what I'm saying is it's just like, that's a moment in which like, oh, I'm gonna, my own personal regret is gonna lead to some sort of rectifying action. Because if that point, if I don't feel bad, or I'm like, get over yourself,

well, then I'm a callous asshole at that point. Yeah, well, so two things. First of all, I feel like the one thing I didn't anticipate from the conversation, at least for me, is that like, there's some things that I regret I shouldn't regret and I need to be free from that. And the second thing is, we found something that we can agree on

that we both regret. Do you have a rec? I got a rec, man. I guess, yeah, I quoted Flea. I'm gonna make a recommendation here. I was talking, well, ironically to our friend. I made the recommendation to him. Last night.

Yeah, and to you on the video chat we did. I've been reading Flea's autobiography, "'Acid for the Children." And this is anecdotes of fleas coming of age. This is the basis for the Red Hot Chili Peppers, if you don't know. So as a fan of the Chili Peppers, Christie bought, and of like music documentaries,

like Christie bought this book for me and I've had it for a while and I finally started reading it. If you're into the Chili Peppers, if you know anything about Flea, if you're into the chili peppers, if you know anything about Flea, and he's an interesting dude who like seems to be like, he's such a wholesome guy.

I think wholesome is the right word, which is not, if you don't follow him on Instagram or you don't know much about him, then that might come as a surprise. But the dude is like, I would love to meet the guy actually. And he's around here, maybe I could, he's in LA. It took a while to get into it because it's chronological stories,

but like the dude tells anecdotes. I mean, in each chapter is just as long as it takes to tell the story as he remembers it, it's just like isolated events in chronological order. Most of them are like two pages. You know, you could read it on the toilet, just put it behind the toilet if you want to.

I'm sure you'd love that. Right. But I mean, they're funny, they're mind boggling. Like stranger than fiction is the way that this guy, he was like raised in this Bohemian lifestyle and like so strange, but he had this like, and it's also fascinating the crazy stuff that happens to him or the crises that are averted.

And yeah, also the, I mean, the strange stories of drug use and nude beaches and all types of wild stuff. And he's not even 13 years old yet at the point that I'm at in the books. I haven't read the whole book. But you can hear him telling the stories when you read it. And it's like, he's such a, he's such a, he's so, he's a one of a kind dude. Like he's very strange.

And, but there's, I also find it fascinating. There's like this inner morality and like the way that, you know, when you're talking about how you live your life, it's like, there's like this flea approach to life that is very interesting. That he just tells the stories and you read between the lines what type of guy he is

and what makes him tick and how he thinks about things, how he processes life. And even though he went through so many difficult situations as a young kid and made some like really suspect choices and was involved in a lot of things that raise your eyebrows. The dude is, he somehow exudes positivity through all of it so it's like, it's not a heavy read

even though his life was very heavy. Right. And that's just how he lived his life, at least to this point. And by judging from his Instagram feed now, I think that's just continued. So it's not for everybody, but if you're into those things, if you're into him and the band and stuff like that,

then I recommend it. Is he the one that said, "'Better to regret something you did "'than something you didn't do'?" He sang it. Did he, is he the one that said, better to regret something you did than something you didn't do? He sang it, he sang, but the butthole surfers say, it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. It's a lyric in one of the songs.

Yeah. Oh, and Flea sings that. He sings that. He does that. A little solo, yeah. Yeah, right. I think, obviously, if you're going to, if you're thinking about doing something

that can put you in imminent danger, it's probably better to regret something you didn't do than to do something, die, and regret that. So this doesn't apply across the board. Yeah, it depends on the specifics. If you take, I mean, all other things equal in terms of like, you know, safety and self care and no harm to others and morality

and all of those things equal in the decision, I'm gonna lean towards doing something than not doing it. When the reasonable potential outcomes don't include death or dismemberment, then I think the rule applies. If you're talking about potential outcomes don't include death or dismemberment, then I think the rule applies. If you're talking about potential outcomes being embarrassment or, you know, getting in over your head, you can always swim to the top. You can get out of those situations.

If you die, it's a problem. Yeah. But you can just keep learning and keep moving forward. Keep living. Thanks for your questions, thanks for your regrets. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Don't dwell on them too much. Don't beat yourself up.

Just learn, move on. We'll talk at you next week.