Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 89: "How Do Millennials Date?" ft. Lizzie & Saagar | Ear Biscuits Ep. 89

Episode Date: April 10, 2017

The evolution of online dating, modern dating apps, putting your best digital self forward and more on this week's episode of Ear Biscuits. SUBSCRIBE to This Is Mythical: https://goo.gl/UMXvuW Credits: Hosted By: Rhett & Link Featuring: Lizzie Bassett & Saagar Shaikh Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Cody D'Ambrosio Technical Director: Benjamin Eck Editor: Meggie Malloy Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, a discussion, a discussion that will feature some special guests that we will tell you about very shortly. I will not be adopting this late night DJ jazz voice

for more than just a little bit. But it's just to ease you back in. Well we're kinda easing back into this, you know? Getting my butt grooves back in my ear biscuit seat. Can you just give me a little bit of jazz voice, just for a little bit, just for my own sake. Just a little bit of this? Just a little bit of this. I just don't have quite the tone for it well just drop

it down a little bit drop it down lower the goozle a little bit drop it down just lower the goozle a little bit we've got some if you lower the goozle a little bit i sound like a an nba telestrator operator okay that's a different thing for another time. Okay. They're giving a full court press tonight. Bazinga. Getting our butt grooves in the seat, man. You can hear us, you can see us.

Well, some people can hear, some people can see, some people can do both. Some people are watching on mute. That's your thing, I don't care. Do it. I mean, sometimes I watch videos with my eyes closed just to see if it would've been better as a podcast. You know, it's like.

I know the feeling. Would this ski fail video montage I'm watching be better if it was just the audio? I can safely say not. It's just like a lot of like soft snow moving and then like a painful. Yeah, it could be anything. I would venture to say that if I played you

a ski accident compilation, What'd you call it? Ski. Montage. Montage? Ski mishap montage. Ski mishap montage. I believe is what I was thinking. And I didn't tell you what it was. There's 17 different things that you would guess

that it was before you would get to skiing. We just came up with an episode of GMM. Oh, we did, we just came up with a new GMM episode. You're totally right. What are we gonna thumbnail it though? Is it gonna be like a black thumbnail? I think it's Guess That Montage. We did, we just came up with a new GMM episode, you're totally right. What are we gonna thumbnail it though? Guess. Is it gonna be like a black thumbnail? I think it's Guess That Montage.

Guess, guess. Guess That Montage. Guess that video just by listening to the sounds. What compilation am I watching now? The Game. Challenge. Yeah, I would say The Game. Experiment.

Because maybe people will think that the rapper, The Game, it's a new video by him and we'll get more clicks. He's not that hot right now. Really? The game's not hot anymore? We could have the game on the show. You think the game would come on this? Let's have. What's this show

or the other show? The other show. Okay. The game if you're watching or if some of your people are watching. You're invited on Good Mythical Morning. Or this show. To listen to videos and guess what they are

along with us. The game with the game. Yeah. But we're not gonna make it a requirement because if you're like, if you got cold feet and you don't wanna come on the show, we're gonna wait for a certain amount of time but then we're just gonna do it.

The game does have circulation issues. He does? How do you know about him? He raps about it. No, he doesn't. I can't feel my toes. No, he doesn't. I can't feel my-

That's not true. My ring toe on my left foot. I can't feel it. There's medication for that. Got tattoos on my face. He needs to stand up more. Okay, we're going to have an intimate conversation tonight, not just with the two of us,

but we're bringing in some special guests. Now we told you that we're gonna do things a little bit different in season three. I'm excited about this one. And we didn't do this kind of thing ever before on A Near Biscuit. We're bringing in a couple of people who are Mythical crew members.

They work here at Mythical Entertainment and they're both single and we have been told that they both use the dating apps. Well, you know, at lunch we hang out. As a family. As a Mythical family and you know, things pop up in conversation. Someone might be on their phone

and you might see them swiping. Be like, what you swiping? Oh I'm just swiping somebody on a swipeable relationship dating application. Right. And I'm like, what is that? I don't understand. Can you tell me about it?

And then it just opens up a world of anecdotal evidence that I am a dinosaur. Right, we're so out of touch with this, we thought it would be great to sit down I am a dinosaur. Right, we're so out of touch with this, we thought it would be great to sit down and have a conversation, find out what it's like to date in Los Angeles, in one of the largest cities in the world, using modern dating apps. So Lizzie and Sagar agreed to hang out with us

and talk about it and learn us some things. We had a great conversation. We think you'll enjoy it. Here it is. Say a little something, make sure it feels good. Check, check, one, two, hello, hey there guys. Yeah. Yeah, that's nice.

That's real good. And Lizzie? Yes, I'm here as well. Yeah, that's nice. That's real good. And Lizzie? Yes, I'm here as well. Yes, I can see that. Oh wow. Now, did you just literally get a match on Tinder on your watch? I did because it's the future

and my watch is also my phone. I have an Apple watch and I looked down and I had a Tinder match. But what does it say? Like if I were to see it. It's gone. I don't know where it went. It's just like when you get a push notification on your phone

except it just pops up right there. You both have. You have a match. You both have Apple Watches. Oh, we planned this. Yeah. This is an expensive commitment, guys. How many people here in the office have Apple Watches?

Three. Casey has one. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's people here in the office have Apple Watches? Three, Casey has one. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's it. What are the chances that we got, this shouldn't be about dating, this should be about the Apple Watch, let's talk about that. This shouldn't be about statistics,

so I don't wanna know what the chances of anything are. Right. I'm excited to have this conversation because I feel like it's gonna be like two aliens who are visiting the planet of dating in the digital age in Los Angeles who have never done that and never will do that. Well, I have a date night, man. Speak for yourself.

You have a date night that has nothing to do with this. I mean, but it's as close as I have gotten. You simulate dating with your wife, which is a very healthy thing, and I do that too. I should do it more often. But it has nothing to do with what we as aliens visiting your world are gonna learn tonight. But there are some times when I, like, if we're at a restaurant and I come back from the bathroom and I come up to my wife wife I treat her like I'm meeting her for the first time and I'm like excuse me is anyone sitting here?

You role play at restaurants? Yeah I only role play at restaurants Sagar. Strictly. It's just at restaurants. I was curious about what you meant by simulate a date with my wife. Isn't it just a date? No it's not a date. Does it become something different when you're married?

Yes, absolutely. Because there are things at stake, but they're totally different things. That's the quality of your relationship. That's the same. Subject to a commitment that's been made almost 17 years earlier. Yeah, I think,

because that's what we want to get to the bottom of, is not the dates that are taking a relationship to the next level, so to speak. We might hear about some of those, but just the process, because currently you're both single, right? Yeah. Okay, not currently in a relationship with anybody. And you're not dating each other.

You're just coworkers. Right. That is accurate. And we ask you both independently to be on here. Separately. Because by the end of this, people are just going to be saying, you guys should date. And it's just, you know, why do people,

just because you're sitting next to each other and we're talking about dating, you don't have to date. We'll get that out of the way. You've already made it awkward. We don't want to see any comments about that. It's just, it's too easy. No, that is how it works, though. If you sit near someone and you're both wearing Apple watches, you do have to date them. People automatically assume that you're together.

Don't take advantage of our ignorance. They start syncing up, right? The watches start syncing up. The more time they spend together, yeah. Right. It's a lady thing. But you, I mean, when I got married, not started dating my wife or any other person that I dated before her, which is just a handful of people. A handful. Texting didn't exist, guys.

That's so crazy. I mean, we're like aliens. No, no, it did, but it was like government people did it. The military was texting. Government dating people. I think the military was texting like in the 70s. That's my theory. So I think that military dating has probably been like this

for a long time but we're not in the military. Never tried to be. I support the military. I think the veterans should be supported but I'm not currently in the military. Can we talk about the Apple Watch? Link is currently wearing a military style jacket. But that's just coincidental.

But no, I remember I bought a cell phone for my wife when we were, well she wasn't my wife yet, we just got engaged and it was our first cell phones. That was the first cell phone I ever had was when I was engaged to my wife and I remember calling her on it and it was like, it's so weird, I'm like talking on a phone in my car to you. Like that's how it was, so.

Yeah. I think I was 13 when I got a cell phone. Well let's not. Come on, you don't wanna rub that in. Let's just try to remember. But now you're dating, and you're using technology that wasn't at our disposal. How do you do it? How are you dating people?

Like, step one. How do you do it? It's terrible. So, step one. Most of these apps are linked to your Facebook. So you gotta have a Facebook account. They use the pictures from there. They use like the about me from there.

Really? Yeah. You can change all that though. It's like that's the qualification to make sure you're not a robot or a serial killer. You could be a serial killer and have a Facebook. That's how like Tinder works that way? Yeah. Yeah.

Most of these dating apps do. All of them are connected to Facebook. It hooks into your Facebook. Yes. I didn into your Facebook. Yes. I didn't know that. What's the first dating app that you used to actually get a date? Hinge. Is that still around?

I don't know. I think so. Hinge, it was, this is like probably two years ago. It matched you with mutual friends. So like you had to have a mutual friend for someone to pop up. Through Facebook. Yes, through Facebook.

Okay. And so I did that one and I ended up dating someone off of that for a couple of months. But what were the mechanics of Hinge? Nightmare. Like, I mean, was there swiping? Was there?

That was Hinging. I think so. You know what? I mean, was there swiping? Was there, there was hinging. I think so. You know what? I can't remember. But since Tinder came out, I think they all kind of copied the like left is no, right is yes idea. Yeah, they didn't patent that. No, everybody did it. Is the hinge the person that you each share?

Is that what the hinge is? Yeah, I think so. Well, that's how relationships got started in middle school. There was always a mutual friend, so that totally makes sense to me. Yeah. And how did that work out? He was very nice.

But was it like text conversation within the hinge app? Yes, so the way all of them work is that you match with someone, and then um with the exception of bumble generally either person can uh initiate the conversation and then once you have you talk to them for a little bit i mean depends on the person but i usually want to talk to them enough to make sure they're not a psycho and then you all text though all text and then you can exchange actual phone numbers and then move off the app from there. And like you can call them, you can text them

and then agree to meet up in person. Do you always, and this is a question for both of you, if there is a match, do you always have a vocal phone call before meeting them? No. Before, no. Because phone calls are weird, right? I have before.

But you know like. What? I find phone calls are weird, right? I have before. But, you know, like. What? I find phone calls. That's surprising. I had a hunch, though. But phone calls are uncomfortable, yeah, for sure. But you got to hear their voice. I feel like a voice is an important thing.

So what are you like, seek out recordings? No, no, no. Like, I'll talk to, yeah. Like, I'll have one phone call before meeting them. Oh, you usually do. Yeah, that's usually like, and it won't be like a full conversation. You'll just call and just not say anything and just listen for them to say, Hello?

I'll star 67. I'll star 67. Does that still exist? I don't know. Star 69, whatever. It's like anonymous. And they're like, hello, hello? Oh, there's the exist? I don't know. Star 69, whatever. It's like anonymous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're like, hello, hello.

Oh, there's the voice. I'm just breathing. I like that. Okay, now I just heard your voice. Meet me at the coffee shop. No, I'll usually talk to them. I'll call them or they'll call me to make the plan. So what are you doing?

You want to go here or whatever? Something like that. But it's not like, hey, hey, let's get to know each other better over the phone. It's all logistics. It's just as quick as possible to make sure that you can understand them audibly. But have you ever gotten on the phone

and it was like a weird voice and you're like, uh-uh, shut it down? I didn't shut it down. I was nice about it, but I didn't talk to them. And what was the on the phone and it was like a weird voice and you're like, uh-uh, shut it down? I didn't shut it down. I was nice about it, but I didn't talk to them. And what was the voice like? Was it husky? It was like... It was just, you know, like it didn't match their face.

It was very... You thought you were being catfished. What? No, it was like a really deep voice. Oh, okay. It wasn't a man's voice. Ladies can have deep voices. I know, but it was like, you know, comparable to mine.

There's got to be a difference. It just wasn't what you wanted in a voice. Yeah, yeah. That's a criteria. It's not what I want to, like. It's a part of the person. Here, first thing in the morning, you know. Oh, you're thinking about, okay, you're thinking about long term.

Yeah, I mean, I do. When I'm on these apps, I don't wanna just go on dates. I wanna look for someone, I wanna find someone that I wanna spend the rest of my life with. And so, you gotta factor in all these little details. Because for us, it was, I mean, when online dating started happening, before phones, when it was over the internet.

That was for people who were scared of people. It was, yeah, it was something that if you did it, you wouldn't admit to it. And then when it worked out and you were dating, you were introducing to other people, you would come up with another thing to say. This is based on like friends' experiences that they would come up with another thing to say.

And then I would be like, but they met on the internet. I was that friend. What was online dating before these apps? So when you guys, before you were, OKCupid, I think? OKCupid still exists. We never did any of that either. OKCupid still exists.

eHarmony, I think. eHarmony, okay. All those two. I used OKCupid for a little bit. Actually, I did too. I went on one date using OKCupid. But it wasn't okay at first to go on the OkCupid. It was like if you're a recluse or you're weird or desperate

or you're into second life already, you might as well just continue the second life with the second life of dating or something. That was at least my perception, I think, of the majority of people on earth that I cared about. I feel like it used to be embarrassing. Yeah. Right? When Tinder first came out, I didn't have a girlfriend at this time.

Between now and then, I was in a relationship for two and a half years. But I remember Tinder first came out, and I was at a relationship for two and a half years. But I remember Tinder first came out and I was at this Thanksgiving party. It was when I first moved to LA. So I didn't know many people. And there was this couple there and they said that they met on Tinder and Tinder was like maybe six, seven months old by that time. And they had been together for four or five months. And when they said it, they said it in that tone that they're a little embarrassed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Isn't it weird? We met on Tinder. But I thought it was so gamified that it kind of cheapened it. Yeah, I mean, I don't think there's a stigma now. Some people, I think it does still bother and they actually will still like try and make something up about meeting through mutual friends. But for the most part, I don't think

people care. And I, I had a similar thing where I was also in a long-term relationship when Tinder came out. And then when I got out of that relationship, that's actually the first time that I started using all of these apps. And it was, it was a totally different thing because I still had the idea of online dating in my head being something kind of weird. And then it, because I still had the idea of online dating in my head being something kind of weird. And then it does open a door and it's almost, here's the bad thing about it. There's too many options. So at a certain point.

Of people. Of people. It's not like you're just meeting mutual friends and, you know, there's hundreds of people. And it's weird because you feel like, I could keep going. Like, you know, there isn't the same stakes about connecting with one person. No, if you're in like a small town though, that's probably not the case. No, probably not.

Set your radius to 100 miles. Yeah, so you can set the radius to a certain amount? Yeah, anywhere from one to 100. Mine is small because I will not date someone on the west side. Right, and I think that's something that I had absolutely no concept of before moving to LA that the size of Los Angeles, not just the size,

but it is large, but it's also very difficult to get around all the traffic. Yeah, it determines what friends you make. So when somebody lives on the west side, it's like dating somebody in South Carolina. Yeah, it's a long distance relationship. Yeah, not gonna do that. So what do you set your radius at? Oh, I think it's like, I think it's a long distance relationship. Yeah, not gonna do that. So what do you set your radius at?

Oh, I think it's like, I think it's less than, I think it's like eight miles. That's a long ways in LA. I can go a lot, I can get out of town in eight miles. Well, not really. Yeah, get up to Santa Clarita. If you give me eight miles, I can get up there to Santa Clarita.

From my house, eight miles. And you'll never make it back. That's right. You don't wanna meet one I can get up there to Santa Clarita. From my house, eight miles. And you'll never make it back. That's right. You don't want to meet one of those folks up there. Tell me about the first person that you went out on a physical date with through an app. I remember, and it was on a different app called Coffee Meets Bagel. Are you the coffee or the bagel? I think, well, I don't know.

It might be up to your own interpretation of that. Is this like a racial thing? What? No. I don't know. What does it mean? I don't know. Is it an interracial dating site? I don't know, I didn't, what does it mean? I don't know. It's an interracial dating site.

I don't think so. Obviously. No, I think it's just like a meet cute thing. It's like, oh, let's get coffee and a bagel. Meet coffee, meet bagel. I don't know, it seemed safe. With coffee meets bagel, you only get like one swipe per day or something?

That's what it is, they send you one person a day. Oh. I forgot about that. So you gotta really think about it. This person is also a mutual you guys have a mutual friend. And it doesn't tell you who the mutual friend is unless you match. Yeah. And then like it. You're right.

It's a silhouette at first and then it shows. So you're matching on this person without a picture without knowing the mutual connection. No, it's a picture of them. Oh, the silhouette of the connecting person. Yes. So what did you, do you remember what you matched based off of? What was the conversation like? Let's use it as a quick case study.

I mean, always if the profile has less information, that's better. And if they're funny, I mean, that's the thing is just if I can- But do you remember that this guy was funny? Yeah, I mean, he was sort thing. But do you remember that this guy was funny? Yeah. I mean, he was sort of offbeat and funny. In a bagel kind of way.

In a bagel kind of way, yeah. I went to a 90s-themed Christmas party with him. Oh, cool. Yeah. That was your first date? Yeah, actually, I think that was. So he invited you to a party. Mm-hmm, yeah.

Well, here's the first clue. It was something he was promoting. So he was actually working this thing, which I didn't realize. And he got paid for you to come to something. I think so. Yeah. But I had a great Christmas sweater. So, but you didn't. So he was like, come to this party that I'm working. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little weird, right? Yeah, yeah. He was weird for sure. So you met him there? How did it happen? I just met him.

Because you know what they look like and it's awkward and you walk into the bar and you pick the person. No, I don't know. Oh, I'm sorry. I'll explain it to you. You walk in, you pick the person that looks closest to the pictures you've seen. And then you awkwardly walk up to them. Because sometimes they don't look like the picture. I would say most of the time, right?

No. Sometimes they do. Yeah, sometimes they do. But people give their best angle, you know, the 30-degree angle and looking up. For sure, the MySpace angle. I think I look like my pictures. I will say that. I made an effort to not put the best pictures of me on mine

because I'd rather be a pleasant surprise when I walk in as opposed to when I'm down. That's a smart strategy. And you know what? I want to hear more about how you optimize your profile. But we're going to take a short break. You know, I'm becoming more health conscious. I'm growing increasingly concerned about the foods that I eat and the ingredients that the foods are constructed with.

That's smart, Link. I think about that in the dishes. But I also have a concern with the hassle of assembling dishes. Yes. But both of those issues are elegantly addressed with Blue Apron. Yeah, that's because Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes

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Blue Apron, a better way to cook. Now Link, you're great. Thank you. I love working with you. But, I gotta say that if it was just the two of us after all these years, I think we'd probably be burnt out. I think one of the reasons we're still working together is because we have been able to surround ourselves with a very talented quality team. Absolutely. But you know just as

well as I do, it was not easy to find and hire those people. No, it wasn't. And just making a job posting in one place is not enough to find quality candidates. If you want to find the perfect hire, you need to post your job on all the top job sites. And now you can with ziprecruiter.com. You can post your job to 200 the top job sites and now you can with ZipRecruiter.com. You can post your job to 200 plus job sites, including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with a single click. Find candidates in any city or industry nationwide.

Just post once and watch your qualified candidates roll right in to ZipRecruiter's easy to use interface. Quickly screen candidates, rate them, and hire the right person fast. And right now, you can post jobs on ZipRecruiter.com for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash ear. One more time, to try it for free, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash ear. So your pictures are, you think, authentic, true to life.

Sagar, what's your thing? Because you decorate your beard for the holidays and stuff like that. Yeah, I always put one or two of those photos just because like, hey, I'm fun. Look at me. My beard is fun at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's good though. That's a good sign.

If somebody has a sense of humor and puts things in their beards, that's good. Yeah. And then I'll put like just like one. I keep my photos at like three or four photos. So I'll put like two of those and then one of them will be like. A miniature horse or something? Yeah.

Can you put something that's not you? You can. I don't. But you can. Then I like to have one photo where I might be like with a couple of friends or something because it kind of shows like you're social.

You know, you go out, you have fun. This is my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Those aren't good. There are you know, you go out, you have fun. This is my ex-girlfriend. Yeah, yeah. Those aren't good. There are a lot of those. Oh, really? Like with another person? Yeah.

Yeah, there are a lot of like, you know, a guy and a girl together or whatever, and I'm like, what's wrong with you, man? What is that about? That's crazy. Well, there's two different scenarios that that could be about. Okay, yeah, I think I understand one.

Yeah. I don't know the other. Lack of judgment. Yeah. Sounds like either one. Yeah, or they I understand one. Yeah. I don't know the other. Lack of judgment. Yeah. Sounds like either one. Yeah, or they, you know, they forgot to take that photo off their Facebook profile. Yeah, that's true.

Oh, yeah, because it's connected to Facebook, so it brings it in. Right. Can we keep going through this case study here? So you meet this guy. Mm-hmm. You had to walk up to him at the party he was throwing. Yeah.

And you're like, I think you're the guy from the photo. Yes. I'm going to have an opening salvo, which cannot not be awkward in some way. I mean, it's... No, it's definitely awkward. Especially if you'd never had a phone conversation with the guy. You just had text. Yeah.

Also, I'm an incredibly awkward person. So it's going to be uncomfortable when I meet someone off of one of these apps. And how did it go? What do you remember about it? I remember it being very fun, actually. He was, I mean, that was a good experience. I haven't had particularly bad experiences, to be honest. I guess because I am particular about who I would like to actually meet.

But it was fine. So how are you evaluating the profile, though? Like, how do you make this decision? Because it's going to say, okay, he's cute, okay, check that box. I actually don't, I don't know. I don't trust particularly attractive people so in general I sort of. Oh, okay.

I think that's less important to me than if you have something. What is your standard? What do you mean? Well not standard, what is your. What's your threshold? What's your criteria, oh you wanna know how ugly do they have to be?

Yeah like when is somebody too attractive and then when is somebody not attractive enough for you? What's your Goldilocks area? If somebody's in better shape than I am, that's probably a no. Oh really? Yeah. So okay.

So like if there's like an abs photo or something? Yeah. You don't want to see visible abs on a man. I don't like particularly like visible abs anyway. Oh okay. So I'm a weird case. You probably shouldn't, I'm not gonna be most 20 something. Yeah, be curious.

Do you like a little Pillsbury Doughboy? I do, I do. I like a little bit of, I like, you know, I like some meat meat on the bones and sort of a burly. Like a nice, average-looking, nice person. Look nice, you know. There's like a gif of him going like this on his profile. You know what? If there were, that'd be great.

Pulling up his stomach and just letting it shake just a little bit. Just a little, not like a lot. Hold on. Is it just pictures or are there gifs? No, just pictures. Just pictures, but now I wish there were GIFs. I think now you can, in like the messaging aspect of it,

you can send GIFs. Yeah, you can. Right? I remember you can. You see how we got everybody to say GIFs there? Yeah. I could have just as easily gotten everybody to say GIFs. I think I would have said GIFs.

You would have? Yeah, me too. Oh, wow, you're in my people. But I don't know. I don't know. The man told me to say GIFif, so I'm going to. So if it wasn't that, but give me a case in point, give me a case study from your experience.

Good or bad, you know? With? Anyone. Let's see. I went on this one date. I used OkCupid, and this was like before I was in that relationship. And, you know, she seemed pretty cool. We were chatting for a little bit, and I went out with her.

We went on a date, and one thing i should have done is like it doesn't seem that important but it kind of is height everybody posts their height on there and this girl she was like four nine i think um i mean my short but that was a deal breaker for you yeah I mean like ultimately it wasn't the deal breaker but it was like okay

I don't think this is gonna work but like you know I was nice to her I continued the date we were out for like an hour and a half

had dinner and then that was it but like if she had like if her personality was like up here if her personality was up here,

if her personality was taller than her, I would've gone on another date. But we just weren't meshing. Did you have some bad ones? Awkward or fizzle out? I mean just like, okay we have one and that's it, I'm bailing. Definitely there were ones

that were like that. Oh, I went to a comedy show with a guy and that was a first date and that was weird because when I got, he came to pick me up and when I got in the car with him,

which if my parents ever listen to this, they're gonna be so mad I got in the car with someone I don't know, but we had a mutual friend, and I'd spoken with them about him and everything. Just in case your parents are listening.

Just in case. Mom, she doesn't know what a podcast is. It's fine. But his friend was in the car with him, and I immediately struck up more of a conversation with the friend than I did with this guy. Were you both in the back seat or something? No, I was in the backseat by myself.

And like the friend was in the front and it was weird. And this guy was super awkward, which is why he brought the friend, I think, because he was. Will you come with me? I gotta meet a girl. But I ended up like making friends with the friend. And I think it made this guy mad.

Oh. And so it was really weird. That's the only one that was bad. He got like really quiet. Don't bring a friend on a date yeah wouldn't talk to me but i i did uh i did break up i dated someone for i've dated i think two people relatively seriously off of the apps not i mean like two to four months um but one of them what the breakup was like way easier than any breakup i've had that wasn't from online dating. Why is that? I don't know.

Maybe it's because like there's an expectation that it won't work. Can you break up through the app? Is that a function? No. I called him. I was like, I'm going to do this in person. You can't unmatch. But I mean, we'd been dating.

We had each other's phone numbers and everything. And I met him at a bar. And I was like, I'd been dating. I had, you know, we had each other's phone numbers and everything. And I met him at a bar and I was like, I was so prepared. I was like, I have my speech and I was just like, I'm so busy and I just don't have time and you're so nice and everything. Well, what's the real reason? Like, well, I mean, going into it, you didn't like him. Of course. But he.

He annoyed me a lot. But he really liked you? No, because that's the funny part of this breakup is that when I said that, I thought he was going to be like bummed. You gave your whole speech. I gave my whole speech. What was his speech like? It was, I was like, I'm so sorry. Like, you know, I really like you.

And it's just that I'm so busy. But you do know that's never true, right? Yes, 100%. Not true at all. If that has ever been said to you, that has never been true. No, because if you really like someone, you don't break up with them. Yeah, right. That's a good point.

I was very busy. I'm just not ready for this. Yeah, I did say that. Any excuse that is about the person just means they just don't like you. Yeah. Ultimately, that's what that really is. But you said, I really like you, but. Okay, so yes, I fibbed a little.

You're a great person. Yeah. Which may have been true. Great guy. I think he is a good guy. But I went through my whole speech and he was just like, okay. And I was like, oh. And then we ended up having a drink and laughing about how easy it was.

And then he was like, yeah, wow, we really had nothing in common, did we? And I was like, not at all. What a pleasant breakup. It was great. You had a rebound relationship with the guy you had just broken up with? Yeah, I had a great date with the guy. A rebound date. Yeah.

A rebound dinner. Yeah. Oh, actually, I remember why I met him in person now. Remember that time we broke up a few seconds ago? Yeah. Boy, that was fun. It was fun. A lot easier than we thought.

Remember that time when I said I liked you? I didn't. By the end of it, were you like so comfortable that you were like, yeah, I was full of it. Maybe we should be together. No, not at all. I remember now why I wanted to meet him in person and it's that I wanted my water bottle back

that he had in his car. Oh, he had a nice water bottle of yours? Yeah, it was one of those gold ones, like a S'well. Oh, those are pricey. Solid gold S'well? That's like 250 bucks. That's why I was like, I gotta do this, not over the phone, but in person.

But, so you were like, you texted him. You were like, meet me for a date. And also, can you bring my water bottle? I'm so thirsty, make sure you bring my. You asked him to bring the water bottle before you told him what it was about. Yeah, I just said, hey, let's get a drink at, there's something I want to talk to you. Probably not.

I probably just said, let's get a drink at this bar and can you bring my water bottle? Because this is the last time we will ever speak. I think I made him go back to his car for the water bottle too after I'd broken up with him. Oh, and about the water bottle. You should have been like, you start the, you're like, you know, I got something

I really want to tell you. But first, that's a good, you know, that's good. It was fine though. It was a pleasant breakup. Wow.

You know, it's weird. I've been on these like Muslim dating apps lately, right? Because, you know, I'm 30 years old.

I'm starting to think, you know, like I should start looking serious. And these apps are not local. So the girls that you meet on these apps, there's not enough Muslims in a concentrated area for it to be like that. So they're all national.

They're all around the US and in Canada. So some of the girls that I match with, a lot of them are New York, DC. Yeah, just random places. So that's really hard, because basically our relationship is through text and every once in a while, you know, we'll talk on the phone or something like that.

FaceTime or something. But it's so weird. But you haven't matched with anybody in LA? I have, but, and I've met up with one of them, but also that kind of fizzled out, you know? And so you are maintaining multiple text relationships at this point? Yeah.

With people that you've met on the app? Yeah, like three or four. But I don't talk to them every day. It's like maybe I'll send one or two messages a week or something. Okay. I thought you were like having actual textual relationships with people. was like, I feel really bad for these people. No, no, no. I couldn't separate all of them.

I started having one conversation with all of them. Yeah. But no, I couldn't do that. It would be efficient if it was a group text. It would, yeah. Everybody's getting to know each other. It's like The Bachelor. That's a big love.

Yeah, I don't think you... Well, no. It's like The Bachelor. Yeah, yeah. And then you kick you. Well, no, it's like The Bachelor. Yeah, yeah. And then you kick people out of the group chat. Every week, you just kick somebody out. You're not really working out. And then you go and you have one-on-one chats,

and you're like. Can you steal you for a second? And then you just go off into your own chat. And you use the rose emoji. Hold on, this should be an app. I think we have an app, yeah. Well, this is a cheap reality show, I'll tell you that. A lot of screen shots. No, no. The whole show is just the screen.

You don't even see the people. Yeah. Hey, this is something. Hold on. This is a great idea. It's not even an app. All the infrastructure has been built for us on phones. Yeah. This is just texting, and we just put a camera. We don't even do a screen cap. we just put a camera onto a phone. Chris Harrison still narrates though.

Yeah. He has to. He texts. Is he Muslim? That's not a requirement. Oh, okay. It's not a requirement. But okay, so this is interesting. So what is the, okay, so you say that you're doing this, ultimately you wanna have a long-term relationship, right? That you're thinking about settling down at some point.

And you're assuming that this woman is going to be a Muslim as well, right? And so is this a thing where one of these chat, occasional chat relationships will, Is this a thing where one of these chat, occasional chat relationships will, how is this gonna lead to something? Like what's the strategy? How is this bachelor game played? Oh man, so, I honestly don't know.

I'm just kind of like, well let's figure out the strategy right now. Let's do this. Yeah. So basically, you know, it usually, you know, I start talking to one of these girls. We just message back and forth a little bit. But it's just that's just small talk, right? There's no way. I mean, like the conversations become longer, you know, but then it gets like, oh, man, I got to respond to all five of these last messages.

You know, like if you're having like like lengthy conversation one person is sending you five messages at a time yeah like you know we start like a conversation and then uh you know one of the texts might be really long and then they're responding to each one of those parts of the conversation through different texts i would not be able to do this you got a bulleted list in your texts? No, no, like I'm a talky guy, you know, like when it comes to texts. I don't like to answer, I don't like to give short answers. Because, you know, there's personality in long answers.

I want you to know what I'm thinking and, you know, I want to justify my thoughts, whatever. And so they respond to those and I respond to justify my thoughts, whatever. And so they respond to those, and I respond to those. And then if it's kind of not working out, if it's kind of fizzling, if we disagree on a lot of things, then you'll notice those texts will start to get shorter from both ends, and then it will just kind of die out. That's how it dies out.

That's the dwindle, they call that. Yeah, yeah. So you've got like a swollen text message. Yeah. And then. Your terminology is so questionable. It works though. Well.

And then, but that doesn't trigger a phone call. I mean, it's like. No phone calls yet? No. A lot of people really are uncomfortable talking on the phone. So you have a picture or pictures of these ladies? They're profile pictures. So like the three or four that they have.

And do you, okay, if you're having a good textual relationship with someone, do you then stalk them a little bit online, find their Facebook? Oh, for sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they've done the same with you, we assume that. Definitely, yeah. Okay, so where's this going? Is there one lady that is sort of setting herself apart?

Not right now, I mean there was one, we were talking for a little while, and then I legit got really busy. See, it can be true. Don't blame us, no, no, no. Because you started working here? No, that's, no. Don't blame us. It can be true. No, no, no. Because you started working here? No, that's...

Don't throw us under the bus. No, that's totally legitimate if you're not in a relationship yet. Right, right, right. But I think that once you're in a relationship and then you start using the busy excuse, that's when I say that it's not valid. No, I get that, yeah.

I was busy. We were, you know. Busy coming up with excuses. You would have made time for him if you really liked him. Yeah. So this girl and I, we were texting for a while through the app, and then we exchanged phone numbers, and then we started texting like regular text messages.

And then after about a week, you know, I gave her a call, and we started talking on the phone. We talked on the phone for like an hour. Did you tell her I'm about to call you or set up an appointment, like a phone date? Heads up, it's coming. No, I was just like, is it cool if I call?

And she was like, sure. And how calculated was that? It wasn't very calculated. You were just like, I'm gonna call her. I'm feeling it. Like with her, it just felt really casual,

you know, she seemed really like just friendly and easy to talk to, you know. So so I called, she answered and we talked on the phone for like an hour. And then the next day she FaceTimed me. And and now the face is in play. I'm a FaceTimer. I would much rather FaceTime anybody than talk on the phone. I mean, and especially in this situation where you, like,

haven't really seen someone in motion yet, that's great. Yeah, because a face in motion is very different than a face, a static face. Right, right. Yeah. Yeah. And, yeah, we FaceTimed. We would talk on the phone. Can't get a lot of the up the nose.

You got to really think about that. You got to. The shoulder's going to get tired, but you got to really hold strong. I realized through talking to her that I would much rather FaceTime on my MacBook than on my phone. Those angles. Not good. Yeah. You're down here, even up here, even straight.

It just looks, it's too close, too up close. She'd think your whole face is a beard. Yeah, but at least you have the beard, it's not like eight chins that people can see. That's true. Yeah, that's true. But none of you guys know what I look like under here. It's like walking up a staircase of flesh

to get to see the mouth. Yeah, that's FaceTiming with me. Okay, so you talked to her on the phone and then how did that conversation go? Where did it go? And what, where's this person at? How far away? She is in Phoenix.

Hmm. Okay. Well, that's not bad. It's really not, it's like a five hour drive, right? Yeah, you can hitchhike there and... I think you could take an ultralight on like one tank of gas if you had one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a gyrocopter even.

Yeah, you could take one of those bicycles that you pedal and it has like a motor. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's like a scooter, but you have to be on the side of the road. You could probably get there in a day with all of those. Right, they top at, what, 10 miles an hour? No, you you have to be on the side of the road. You can probably get there in a day with all one of those. Right. They top at, what, 10 miles an hour?

No, you can go like 25 on those. Lots of options. I mean, yeah, you can make that work. I could use one of these hoverboards. Stop every couple hours to charge it. Okay, so that's the next step. So the first step was the text. Second step was the phone call. And now is there going to be another phone call?

Yeah, I mean, we talked for like a month. So it was, you know, we became friends. We were like talking back and forth. We would ask each other for advice, you know, tell each other how our day is going, talk about whatever I'm having this thing, you know, this problem or whatever, and we were there. We were listening to each other. We would do it through FaceTime at this point. this problem or whatever and we were there, we were listening to each other.

We would do it through FaceTime at this point. And then I started these classes and then I started working this job and I didn't know I was gonna have this job. I knew I was taking those classes but this job kind of just like came to me. It was probably a good time to tell you about our Phoenix office the Phoenix branch

Phoenix satellite office you should have asked earlier it's very dry there it's good for the allergies do you have allergies? I don't okay well then wrong answer what happened? with her I just what do you mean what happened is he talking about

something well i just it's like making me a little sad because it seems like she was nice yeah what she wasn't seriously what happened yeah there's absolutely like nothing that happened that was like that made us stop talking i just got really busy and then she got really busy she's uh she's a traveling photographer um so she cool. She's really cool. And then, yeah, now it's been like three weeks since we've even sent a text to each other. And I don't know how that happened. Well, Los Angeles is very photogenic.

Traveling photographer. Yeah, but you know what? One thing that made me kind of mad was we were talking about, you know, oh, we should like meet. One of us should, you know, visit the other. And I had just started taking this class. Right. And and so my schedule got really crazy at night and I couldn't miss like the class or the rehearsals. So I asked her if, you know if I can fly her out here.

And. On your dime? Yeah, I mean I would pay for it. Wow, all right, that's nice. I'm a nice guy. And she said I would only visit if I had work in LA. And that kind of made me mad. She was like, she didn't want to come here

if she didn't have a business reason to come here. And that's revealing. Is she going to have a business reason? Is it likely to have a business reason? I think that's not the right question to ask. Well, no, because I don't know. I feel like I'm just trying to see her side in this. I kind of feel like it's like... Well, I just want to go record and say, I'm sorry, man.

Nah, it's okay. I'm just wanna go record and say, I'm sorry man. Nah, it's okay. I'm sorry. We expected her to step up. It is asking a lot to be like, the next step is you just come out and hang out with me on your dime. That's like, maybe she's not ready for that because that would be kind of saying something, right?

Actually that's true from her, okay. She doesn't have to like live with you. I mean. Give us the female perspective on this. I'm doubling back on my perspective. Because when you said that, I was like, oh, that's a bummer. I thought she was cool. But you know what?

I agree with that. Because if someone is paying for me to come out, then in my head, potentially, there is some kind of expectation as to what, not that this is the case, but what is owed to them, how much fun it has to be, how much of sort of like, how entertaining you have to be. I will say that there is like a cultural difference. That's true. Like with us, like she's also Pakistani Muslim. And so. You don't think that would be weird for her?

Because I guess if she's thinking I would come out if I'm working there, then maybe in my head if I were thinking that it would be I'm coming out there because, like, it's my dime and my job. I don't know. Well, you're on equal footing. Yeah. And then it's not as pressurized, I guess is what you're saying. Yeah, I think it's the pressure. The pressure of, like.

No, the pressure, like, was not there.urized, I guess is what you're saying. Yeah, I think it's the pressure. The pressure of like. No, the pressure like was not there. You know, we. Yeah, and I'm not saying it was there. I'm saying it might be perceived in some way. Perceived, yeah. Yeah, I mean, like in our culture, we don't really have, you know, we won't get physical.

It's just, that's just how it is. That's true. And that is what I would be worried about. So, I mean, if that's not on the table, then it's not as big a deal. Right, right. Yeah. And it's definitely not, you know, you know, like I would be totally respectful. I would, you know, even if I had these classes or whatever, if I was busy, I would, you, hey, this is my brother's girlfriend or here's some of my friends. You can hang out with them. They can take you out, do whatever while I'm here. And then maybe we can get coffee tomorrow morning or dinner at night. I wouldn't want to spend too much time with someone.

And you're saying that she probably understood that based on the conversation you had that you're not gonna share with us and you shouldn't. Oh yeah. But it does make me think, I mean even in a broader context, you know you think about, okay is, are these apps just designed for like a hookup culture type situation? But it does, I'm gaining an appreciation

for the opposite end of the spectrum which is it allows, it kind of allows you to gain clarity in terms of getting to know somebody. You know, I think you both talked about, you talk to people in what I feel is like at an arm's length way, which is through text, not even through a voice call,

but it allows you to build more of a casual friendship to get to know a person. Even before you get like the moving face scenario, you've just got pictures, profiles, whatever else you can find that's not only being physically in the same place, but not, it's just talking. It's almost like we've gone back in time

in that way. It's like it's the Civil War and I'm promised to someone far away and we're writing letters or something. When you said that, I was like, this is actually worse. Maybe I'm sold on the voice call now because I don't think the text is a good indicator of

what someone's going to be like when you meet them. Definitely. You can't tell personality through reading text. Definitely, you can't tell personality through reading texts. Also, I'm a really horrible texter, so I probably shouldn't do that. I should just be like, look, I'm bad at this, here's my phone number. Well, is it, now that this is the norm, right,

is your expectation that the next serious relationship that you're gonna be in're going to be in is going to be is going to come from one of these apps or is it or is it more likely that you're just going to meet somebody through a friend at a party yeah I mean all all of my I've had three genuinely serious relationships uh that lasted you know more than a year, and none of them came from any of these apps. So in my experience, no, but I mean, it could. It would certainly be nice. I've always met people through mutual friends.

But are you doing the app thing now? I think Tinder's on your phone. You said you re-signed up for it to jog your memory about experiences you had. Yeah, because I deleted it. You signed up today for this conversation, but are you on any other app now? Yeah, I'm on Bumble.

And what is your username for anyone listening? This doesn't work like that. You can't search. You have to just come across them. You just stumble across them. Bumble across. What's Bumble? Bumble is the one that's like a Sadie Hawkins situation

where you match with someone and then the woman has to be the one to speak first, which I thought was a great idea, and now that I'm deeper into it, I'm like, I'm so bad at this, and I think I should not do it because. I completely understand the logic, right? And the first time I heard about this,

I was like, that is a great idea because it kinda, it cuts out the creepy dude thing, right? But. Only guys can be creepy? Guys are much more creepy than women. That is a generalization that I am willing to make and stand by as a man. And proud of it.

But I think differently about this now because guys, again, a generalization, guys will take any attention from a woman as a signal that she wants me. She's totally into me. So when you reach out and you're doing it casually, a lot of guys are just like, that's it, she's into me. Because she reached out, she initiated with me. Oh so you're saying it's a bad thing,

the concept of the app backfires. The concept might kind of fall back on itself. I don't know, but in your experience, you said that you were bad at kind of staying on top of the app or whatever, but have you initiated with a guy and what did you say and then what happened? I started out trying to be cute or funny or witty in some way.

Like what? Do you have an example? What's your opening? Can you pull up a history? All right. Let's read some exact. I was interested in that. Are you trying to be funny in your initial?

Well, I've stopped trying to be funny. Let's hear some Lizzie opening lines. No, they're not good. Actual opening lines from Lizzie. Okay, they all relate to things in their profile. That's what I was trying to do is like pick something in their profile and like make a joke about it. Oh, you like dogs, huh?

Yeah. Oh, you like dogs, huh? What's this one? I've been talking to this person. I don't know her voice. All right, this is embarrassing. This is why I shouldn't be on the- Perfect.

Okay, so- I'm really excited. This gentleman, in his info, he says, I love comedy, good music, and stiff drinks. Michael Keaton is Batman. Now, that sold me. Ooh, that's- That's good.

This is quality. This guy is- I know. He's also a rock. He's a rock. What's his username? Actually, now that I'm looking at it,

it's spelled in a weird way, but I won't read it. And my opening line, are you ready? This is why I should just say, how's it going? I said, Michael Keaton most definitely

is Batman, but who's your Joker? Also, hi. Oh, that's good though. That's like my best one, guys. Because then if he says Heath Ledger,

if he says Heath Ledger, which is obviously the right answer, then you have two data points about this guy. And you know that much more. Keep going. Then what? Okay, well, more information was revealed, and he... Just read it all. No, there's a lot. I read every minute of it. Link, I can't.

Come on. Well, here's the good part. Why can't you? Privacy, man. Who's privacy? It's genuinely long. He works in- It's pretty long. I can see it.

Read it. Read it over our shoulder. Here, hold on. We talked about our worst first jobs, or our worst sort of bad day jobs, and as you guys know, I worked on a chicken frying truck. How do you get to that, though? I mean, it's not that I want you to read everything. Wait, you left that job as you guys know, I worked on a chicken frying truck. How do you get to that though? I mean, it's not that I want you to read everything. Wait, you left that job for this?

No, I worked, no. Chicken frying. But I was on a chicken fryer for a while. How do you start talking about, I worked at a frying chicken. Like, I like Batman and Joker. And I like fried chicken. Because I asked him about a dog in a picture that he had.

And I asked him if it was his dog. He said, no, it's our work's shop dog. And I'm an idiot so I thought oh what kind of shop do you work in and I was like oh no you didn't mean

actual shop did you and he was like no a prop house and then we got talking about jobs oh no now I've opened Twitter somehow

I don't understand and now you've tweeted your conversation can you read some of your recent tweets I was really hoping that dog's name was chicken fried no it's name was Chicken Fried.

No, it's not. You're like, hey, I worked at a chicken fry truck. But he said that he- That seems good, Lizzie. He said, now, you know what, guys? I'd stop talking to him, but now I think I need to talk to him again. Hold on, this just ended? No, it didn't end.

I just, I haven't like responded. Oh, that's rude. I should respond. What was his last thing? Hold on. I got to tell you this because it's good. When was his last thing? Hold on. He says to tell you this because it's good. When was his last thing? Hold on.

He says he's a certified honey-baked ham master glazer. Yeah, I know. Okay. All right. How many of those in the world are there? They're getting more than a dozen. That is not appropriate. What?

I don't know when he said this. Did you ask him if that was a euphemism for anything? No. Because I don't want to lead on. I've made the mistake of. Here's the thing. I'm bad at recognizing. Don't put the phone anything. No. Because I don't want to lead on. I've made the mistake of, here's the thing, I'm bad at recognizing. Don't put the phone away.

Okay. You want worse ones? What do you want? I want, yeah, I'd like another. That one was good. I got to respond to him maybe.

Golly, this is fascinating. What's the last thing he said and let's come up with a response. He said. Can you give a discount on a honey baked ham? I don't think he works there anymore

but I can ask. Okay, you might have a code or something. That's why she didn't respond. Where has it ended? It ended, we got talking about food, and I think I was sounding like kind of a jerk talking about Thai food, but whatever.

What was your line that made you sound like a jerk? Oh, it's probably food. About Thai food. I don't know, we got talking. But you can't honey bake that. We got talking about restaurants in my neighborhood, which I will not reveal. Smart. There are guys listening to this.

I know. And I mentioned a restaurant, the Very Good Thai restaurant, and I tried to sound like I knew what I was talking about, which is always a mistake. And I said, some of the best Thai food ever. Legend has it the Thai ambassador goes there when he's in town, which I think just sounds, I just sound like a jerk, but whatever. And then we talked about it.

What about that voice? That's how he reads my texts, I can tell. That's how they come across. So. At that point you could have been like, you wanna meet me there. Yeah, I didn't do that though, cause I'm real bad at this.

This is why I should talk on the phone. I said I'm in a Korean barbecue phase, and he said, nice. Yeah, I had a sushi phase for a bit. Then Ty started attempting meal prep meals this week. This week. And then I didn't say anything. That's it? How many days ago was that? I don't know.

I can't tell the time. Let me see. Okay, so I guess I just don't know. What is the point? What is the point now, though? That was yesterday. Okay. You still got a chance. What is going to happen? What might this conversation need to get to in order for you to say, let's meet? A natural flow. If it seems like we're able to, which we were doing for a little bit. Oh, really? The stuff about the honey baked ham and then the different kinds of food. That's a lot to ask of a text conversation. He's doing a good job, I'm doing a bad job. If you guys can help me formulate a response, that would be helpful.

Hold on, let's send something back right now. What was the last thing he said? Okay, he said, nice, yeah I had a sushi phase for a bit, then Ty, started attempting meal prep meals this week. I think you gotta say, you don't have to be in one phase at a time. You can enjoy all foods together, that's what I'm thinking. Let's not turn this into a lecture.

That's what I'm, Perla. Is your objective? How about a phase with me? How about a Lizzie phase? Yeah, that's bad, that's bad. You gotta throw some things out there before you get to what you need. I'm gonna let you guys do this so you can see how hard this is.

Yeah, I think you should take your phone and respond. Yeah, do whatever you want. Yeah, let's see how easy this is for you. I think you guys should go through profiles. Hold on, this guy. You can swipe if you want. Swipe left, swipe right. He spells his name weird.

That's what I said. Do you want to know how to see his profile? Yeah. Okay, so just tap the picture. I don't want to be swiped by anything except the conversation you've had with Chicken Fry. Well, Rhett wants to look at pictures. Oh, he's cool.

Yeah. Oh, this guy's cool. Right? See, this is like, that's what I'm looking for. Is it? This is the guy? You're interested. Look at the way he looks at his dog.

Look at the way he looks at his dog. That's not his dog. That's just a dog at the shop. It's Dottie the shop dog. Okay. If this is the guy. Hold on, he's married. Well, I think he's in a wedding there.

There's someone between him and the bride. He's been to a wedding, Lizzie. Oh, you're right. He's out. He's out. Let him go. Oh, he's a professional baseball player. No, I think he just sits in baseball styles.

But he looks like fun. Maybe that's what I look for. I just want somebody that looks like fun. He looks like a happy-go-lucky guy. He's letting his hair down and he has just a mustache. And I'm very stressed out all the time, so I need someone who is happy-go-lucky because I can't be with someone who's also as stressed out as I am.

That's good. Write that. All right, how do you get back to that thing? Link, what? I'm not going to write, I'm horribly stressed out. Are you happy-go-lucky? I need more happy-go-lucky in my life. All right. Wait, we've got to decide something, so let's do it.

Okay. I think, is the objective to move this off of text right now? We gotta take it to the next step. I think it's time. I think it's time to go from text to phone. So what do I do? Can I call you?

No, say, you can't do that, man. You tell me what to say. This app is glitchy. Here's my number. No, I think you got, no, no, no, no, no, no, man. You tell me what to say. This app is glitchy. No, I think you got... No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on. Guys, I think she's got to get back into a text flow conversation

and then move into... You can't go a day without saying anything and then say, hey, call me. Because that's how he's going to hear it. Hey, call me. Like an emergency. I think you can transition. You could say something like, hey, I'm so sorry.

I didn't get on this app today. How's your meal prep? Have you prepped that meal yet? How's that meal prep coming? Guys, I should just tell him I'm on a podcast right now and I'm talking about you. Can I call you? Yo, you're so smart.

Do that. It's a terrible idea, but I'll do it. Do it. I'm on a podcast right now. Can I call you? Yeah. That's a great idea. Do you think do it. Do it. Yeah, yeah. I'm on a podcast right now. Can I call you? Yeah. That's a great idea. Do you think he has his notifications on?

For us. Oh, you can't call him. Let's do it. You know what? Let's not make him a pawn in our entertainment scheme. No, because I actually kind of like him. Let's say what Sagar said, which is- What you should say is-

Wasn't on the app. Yeah, say, sorry, I didn't check. Don't say sorry. Don't apologize for something you're not sorry for. That's true. But the rest is good. Yeah, I didn't check the app all day so I didn't get the notification,

but if you wanna keep talking, here's my number. Oh, that's not what you said. What you said was, how's the meal prep coming? No, I didn't say that, you guys said that. You don't wanna ask about meal prep? No, I. Because I'm genuinely interested. Okay, okay, okay.

My boss is genuinely interested in your meal prep. Okay, so I'll just say, oh man. Your thumb's getting sweaty. Yeah, well my hands are always sweaty, perpetually clammy. Everyone watching should know that. You sell yourself so short. That's good if I undersell myself.

If it says that stuff on your profile. Sweaty hands. You got to get over this. Joyfully clammy. My profile, I think, is a quote from 30 Rock that doesn't make any sense and has no explanation. Okay, that's better. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

It's heavy as the head that eats the crayons, and I don't explain that, and I don't intend to. So it's your idea for us to keep eating crayons on our show? Is that what this? I'm just going to say sorry I'm terrible about checking this app. How's the meal prep going? That's it. Yeah. And then you just get back into that flow

and then later when you're sitting there with your first child you could be like, remember that time we were on Ear Biscuits and we started that conversation and... No, no, no. He won't remember. There's something I gotta tell you. Just started that conversation. No, no, no. He won't remember it. And Rhett and Link made us continue. There's something I got to tell you. Just watch this podcast.

Hold on, hold on. Can we just say something right now? I know this is probably not going to happen, but if you end up marrying this guy, can me and Link perform the wedding? Yeah, you're required to. We will do like a dual, like a tag team wedding thing. Yeah, it'll be like a- Wait, what do you mean by perform the wedding? You mean like officiate it? We will officiate it dual, like a tag team wedding thing. Yeah, it'll be like a.

Wait, what do you mean by perform the wedding? You mean like officiate it? We will officiate it. Oh, all right. I was thinking more like interpretive dance. That's fine. No, no, I will get, if you end up marrying this guy. You'll become a priest?

I will get ordained. You can get ordained in that church. What is the one that you can get ordained, like you can just fill out a certificate? Online somewhere. Vegas. I'll do that. All right. And I'll do the wedding.

You gotta be there too, though. Tag team. I'm gonna be there. All right. I did it. I sent that message. Now we'll see. This is so exciting.

How exciting would it be if he responded right now? Guys, I'm never gonna hear from him again. You don't think so? No. I think so. I don't know. No, let's just wait. Put it out here.

He looks like the kind of guy that would respond. Will it pop up if he... He looks nice. Yeah, it'll have a notification. Well, we'll have to check back in with you guys to see how this is going sometime in the future. To see if you've married Dog Man. What is...

If Phoenix Lady has come and taken pictures of you posing in front of things in Los Angeles. Is she a portrait person? Yeah, she does portraits and weddings. She kind of does it all, and stuff too. She does their wedding. She's the photographer. If you get married, you have to bring her to the wedding.

She takes all the pictures and we do the officiating. That'll be the coolest thing ever. Now my hands are the sweatiest they've ever been. I've learned so much, thank you guys. Sure. Thanks for having us. Yeah. It was fun.

Yeah. Hey, hey, hey, that's how your dad gets off the phone. Well there it was. I think we started potentially at least one relationship. We promised to officiate a wedding, tag team officiate a wedding, and Sagar's future wife is gonna take photographs of it. And this is, I mean, this is not the kind of thing

that just happens. Well, unless it doesn't happen. And then we may have ended something. We may have truncated something. We may have altered the future of a relationship that would have been amazing. Well, no, we definitely did alter the future of a relationship.

Here's the thing, by, this is how, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying we're like all powerful or anything. Well if they weren't gonna talk and they're still not gonna talk, nothing changed. Every single choice that you make in life has, it's called the butterfly effect. Ashton Kutcher knows all about it. And then you do one little thing and then it affects,

so by bringing them onto the podcast and discussing relationships, even if we hadn't had gotten to that last part, just by bringing two single people into an atmosphere and having them to discuss their relationships, which makes them just think about their relationships differently, we altered, intentionally or unintentionally,

we altered the course of their lives, and they altered the course of our lives. And that's wrong, and we shouldn't have done it. But we altered the course of their lives more because we're already in relationships and we were talking about relationships and we're not talking about being married for a long time, we're talking about dating.

They all they did for us is satisfy some weird curiosity we had, but we have altered their very lives. There's a real moral question right there. Are we guilty of something now? Yeah. I mean, could we be in some future court of law in which they evaluate your intentions and the outcomes and the causes and effects and they probably have

the ability to reach back in time to this moment and evaluate this podcast. Are we gonna be watching this 50 years from now in some future court and they're like, you ruined their lives. Well, I'm going on record. And you're going to jail now. And I'm saying I said we shouldn't have done it.

I didn't have anything to do with it. I didn't want to read any of the conversations on her private device. I didn't want to have anything to, I didn't want her to read it. Well that's a good defense but future judge and jury if you're watching this in the year 2084 or whenever it is, sincerely we had no intention of derailing

Lizzie's life or Saugers life, it wasn't about that. It was just about a little bit of something that we thought was entertaining and interesting that we thought that the people who listened to this podcast in the year 2017 and beyond would enjoy. And I really think you gotta take into account our intentions here and the fact that we didn't really know

what we were getting ourselves into. So please have mercy, may the court have mercy on our souls. And for you present day Ear Biscuiteers. Hope that works. Leave a comment on this YouTube video or this SoundCloud stream or as an iTunes review. All of those things are valuable to us. And of course we'll be back next Monday, first thing,

with another Rear Fisk. Yes, and if you're enjoying this on the This Is Mythical YouTube channel and you haven't subscribed yet, do us a solid. Subscribe.