Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - 92: Hollywood Conspiracy Theories ft. Lizzie & Ellie | Ear Biscuits Ep. 92

Episode Date: May 1, 2017

Link details his preparations for another visit to the proctologist, and Lizzie and Ellie join Rhett & Link to discuss two of the internet's favorite conspiracy theories about Lindsay Lohan & Keanu Reeves. SUBSCRIBE to This Is Mythical: https://goo.gl/UMXvuW Follow the podcast on iTunes: http://apple.co/29PTWTM & SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/earbiscuits Follow This Is Mythical: Facebook: http://facebook.com/ThisIsMythical Instagram: http://instagram.com/ThisIsMythical Twitter: http://twitter.com/ThisIsMythical Other Mythical Channels: Good Mythical Morning: https://www.youtube.com/user/rhettand... Good Mythical MORE: https://youtube.com/user/rhettandlink3 Rhett & Link: https://youtube.com/rhettandlink Credits: Hosted By: Rhett & Link Executive Producer: Stevie Wynne Levine Managing Producer: Cody D'Ambrosio Editor: Meggie Malloy Graphics: Matthew Dwyer Set Design/Construction: Cassie Cobb Content Manager: Becca Canote Logo Design: Carra Sykes To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. Joining us this week at the round table of dim lighting are Lizzie and Ellie, members of the Mythical crew who I'm sure you know because they appear in lots of Good Mythical Morning more videos

on the This is Mythical channel. They are writers and segment producers of Good Mythical Morning and they're just generally good people to hang out with and converse about things. They're so good and decent. And they also, they're really into celebrity conspiracy theories. When we did the episode of GMM

about celebrity conspiracy theories. Yeah like Taylor Swift being the devil. They were all about that. They did the research for that. Satanic worshiper. And they were like, because this is like a hobby of ours, we're really into it.

Beyonce faking her pregnancy. And so we were like, well you guys should just come on an Ear Biscuit and then try to convince us of some. Yeah, if you're so into it, let's talk it out. So that's what happens. Yeah, so that. It remains to be seen whether or not we will be convinced,

but you're gonna have to stick around and find out. We should give them a note about what we're thinking about Ear Biscuits and the formatting and distribution of it between the video format on YouTube and the audio formats everywhere else podcasts are found. We're gonna make a little adjustment because we're continuing to experiment. Starting with this episode.

Yeah, starting with this episode to figure out the best way to do this and the fact that we have this video version on YouTube, we've got the audio version, wherever audio podcasts are found. So what we're gonna do starting this week is we're going to make excerpts of Ear Biscuits available on YouTube. So shorter length, not the entire episode,

but broken up into some shorter pieces that are gonna be on YouTube. That all are ultimately reminders that the way to get the complete show experience in audio only format is on all the audio distribution platforms. Right and those excerpts, yeah, there's multiple, if you're watching on YouTube we'll put all those places that you can get it in the description of the video. But it's very easy if you've never used

one of those platforms. There's lots of different ways to listen to podcasts. And there's a handful of reasons why we're doing this, why we wanna try out this way. Before you get into that, let me just clarify that we're releasing these throughout the week too. It's gonna be a couple of different times during the week so it's not like all the excerpts are gonna come out on Monday but they're gonna come out throughout the week.

We don't know exactly how we're gonna post and it's based on the content of the episode and it may change and it's open to be changed as we move forward. So why are we doing this? Why not continue to just throw the entire episode up on YouTube? There's a number of reasons for that.

Yeah, I think the first reason we're doing this is that it's very helpful to us and our sponsors when you listen on the places where it's available as an audio podcast, so it's very helpful for us at this point for you to listen over there. So we want as many people listening over there. And then the second reason is we think that actually making an excerpt form that's not

the entire podcast kind of serves the YouTube platform better, it's more shareable, it's more watchable, and you can use, if you're an Ear Biscuits listener, you can use these YouTube clips as a way to share and kind of draw other people into the Ear Biscuits experience which, send somebody a podcast, a full hour or plus link video. Right, can be intimidating.

Or audio podcast can be kind of intimidating to get into. Right, but getting into one specific clip about one specific topic that, I mean, is a standalone piece of the conversation is a good way to introduce people into Ear Biscuits. So we ask you to do that. Watch on YouTube and find the clips that you wanna share and then listen to the whole thing because that's really helpful.

Yes, it is. Another piece of business we wanna do is thank you guys for all of your support in our decision to release what we were calling the lost or the shelved episode last week where we had some technical issues and then we didn't know if we were gonna release it and then we did and we called it Let's Get Personal because we got personal in a number of ways.

Talking about the proctology visits and then Lily's back situation and gearing up for surgery which hasn't happened yet. That's gonna be towards the beginning of May when that happens but you guys have just been overwhelmingly positive and saying thanks for sharing, you know, for being vulnerable about all of those things. And so we appreciate the feedback that you guys are,

that you guys are into it. And you know, I wanna pass on Lily and the rest of my family's thanks to you guys for all your thoughts and prayers and support that you've given through your tweets and your comments. We've seen those and we appreciate it. And I will give you an update on the backside

of the surgery, no pun intended. Nice. And speaking of backside, I think we did get a lot of positive feedback about us talking about proctology. So we should just continue that trend. So we should just keep talking about, you know, butt doctors.

Because you've got a special trip that you're preparing for tomorrow. That's right, which is. Which is related to the initial trip. Right, I don't remember how much I connected the two, but he said you should get, just to be safe. Because you're of age. The doctor said.

My daughter didn't say this. He said you should get a colonoscopy because there's a history of colon issues. In your family. In my family. And then if there's, well let's just be real, if there's ever any scenario of bleeding in the stool or in that area, they wanna make sure it's not coming from something up in there.

Right. And I said, well, and then they're saying that, there are some studies that are saying. Screen earlier. Screen earlier than 40 years old. Yeah, which would be now. Yeah, so I'm like, well. It's earlier.

Okay, I'm just gonna do this. I mean, how bad can it be? And I can say, well, I haven't done it yet. I'm doing it tomorrow. Which means that you have... But today has been bad because today... You haven't eaten anything and you've been drinking a lot of water and then you drank some sort of substance that...

Well it's at 6 a.m. in the morning, so which meant I couldn't eat. When I woke up this morning I couldn't eat breakfast and I had to be on like a liquid diet. I had to be fasting from solids and anything that you can't shine a light through. So I could have like, I had chicken... you can't shine a light through. So I could have like a chicken. Well, I can shine a light through chicken. I had a chicken, yeah, real bright. You get a strong enough laser, I can send it through a ribeye. Like a 5,000 lumen headlamp.

That is not a good measure because there's so many ways around that with lasers. Did you ask him about lasers? It was a handout. I can't talk to the handout. You mean shine like a normal light through and light comes out the other side. It's gotta be clear. So for breakfast I didn't have my award-winning smoothie featured in the Mythical Monthly Newsletter.

What award did it win? Link's Awesome Smoothie Recipe Award that I gave to it. Awarded by you. By me. To yourself. I really missed that right gave to them. Awarded by you. By me. To yourself. I really missed that right off the bat. I had, I could drink coffee but black. You don't realize how much a man of routine he is. And I love the taste of it, it's so good.

And not getting that smoothie that you've set in motion now. My day was started off on the wrong foot when I, I could, I mean if I couldn't have had my coffee, I would not be here now. You wouldn't, you couldn't have been around me. But see, but here's the thing, though. And I had bone broth for breakfast, dude.

And for lunch and dinner, as far as I can remember. You had Jell-O at some point. I had yellow Jell-O, which is lemon, and I hated that, for like a brunch. And then for lunch, I had chicken broth. And then, no, I had beef broth. And then in the afternoon, I had another chicken broth, which was nasty, and then at 6 p.m. I had to drink, I had to start going full-fledged cleanse,

and they gave me this special cup and they put some sort of like cherry flavored concoction in there and I had to drink that whole thing and then drink two more things of water. That sets everything in motion. Because they wanna go in there, they wanna be clean as a whistle in there. They wanna see nothing but the inside of your body,

not what's inside your body. Because let's be clear, they're gonna, oh my gosh, I'm holding it back right now. No. Yep, okay, it's gone away. I'm good. Holding back what? Diarrhea. Like a cleansing fountain. Oh man.

A fountain of health. I'm glad I'm here for this. Doo doo doo doo doo. Um, oh man. It's been a tough day because I've had a headache all day. But let me just say this. Oh man, it's been a tough day because I've had a headache all day. But let me just say this. They put a camera up your butt in the morning. I have to drink another one of these and then I have to show up at...

I have to get up at before 6 o'clock, I have to drink another one of these regimens that's gonna clean me out even more. And then I'm gonna go there at 9 a.m. and they're gonna run a camera. They're gonna put me in a twilight state. And we're gonna broadcast this live. I're gonna put me in a twilight state. And we're gonna broadcast this live. I'm gonna sparkle. Broadcast it live.

We're not, but. We're not. They're gonna put me in a twilight state, which I guess is like when you have your wisdom teeth removed. They're gonna put a camera up my tuchus. It's more than that. More than that? I mean, I didn't have anything with wisdom teeth except local anesthesia.

This is like, it's gonna affect your mind a little bit. Well, if they give you like the funny gas. Yeah. So they put some people under more. I think, yeah, this is more than that. They fill my whole colon up with water, I mean, not water. Fill your hole.

My whole colon up with air. And then they run a camera up in there and they look at the whole thing to see if there's any polyps or cancer or conditions or whatever, I don't know. I don't expect them to find anything. I'm rather confident that everything's gonna be fine. But that's why you're doing it, because you don't know.

I'm not nervous at all, but I do like to know. And I kinda like the experience. Well, no, I like to have experiences. And this is an experience. Thanks for clarifying. But I haven't enjoyed myself, I've had a miserable day. I kinda like the experience. I feel like I've made everyone around me miserable and I'm sorry.

But let me just say, because what you've experienced today is something that people go on retreats to experience. Like the idea of fasting, you've just joined the ranks of the great gurus and leaders of history. Like, you've been complaining the whole time about how hard it is, but that's the whole point. I haven't been complaining the whole time, have I? Embracing the obstacle, right?

Oh, no. I'm holding back another hit. What I'm saying... I might have to run to the restroom. You can hold it, man. We've got just a couple more minutes. Okay, yeah. Now, because... Man, if the contractions start coming more frequently, I'm gonna have to deliver.

It's not a baby. It's not a baby. It's a water baby. It's a baby that's going right into the toilet. Based on what happened just a few minutes ago, it was just a few minutes ago, it was just a liquid baby. Okay, but listen, what I'm saying is, this is the kind of thing that people,

especially in this town, do on a regular basis. To get cleansed, people pay lots of money to be cleansed, and you're fasting and cleansing, and this is something that, I actually, I had to eat something on the show today. And so you having to, getting to do this, I was kinda envious of you. I was like, I'd like to be fasting with Link today.

But I can't. I had a horrible headache and I was very grumpy. I don't know if you noticed. Right, but if you do it enough times and you get over that and then you begin to embrace it and it becomes like a way of life. There's people who swear by it. You just open the door to something that could be incredible, man.

I just feel like I've been awakened to my dependence on food and it's disturbing. Exactly. That's the first step. It's disturbing. You just opened the door to the first step, man. I feel so weak, man. Exactly. The only thing strong right now is my sphincter and if it wasn't for that, there'd be quite a mess on the floor right now.

You're being exposed. You're gonna be really exposed tomorrow. But I won't remember it. But it's like you're being exposed to this thing that's refining who you are. This is an experience. Don't focus on the food that you're not eating. Focus on the fact that you're doing something

that other people want. Don't focus on what you want. Focus on what you're getting that other people want. Oh, well that's what I said. I like to have an experience. I don't know if I'm gonna like the experience, but now you're saying like the experience. And hopefully you'll be a little wacky

when you come out of there and we'll get some good video footage of you talking about yourself. Yeah, either you'll pick me up or I'll get a deal to pick me up and she'll video some of it. Either way, I hope it'll be fun. Oh my goodness. I think I might need to run out of here. Okay.

And that's the proper term. But don't do that before we take a short break to show some love to our sponsors. Oh yeah. Now there was a time when we did or at least tried to do everything ourselves, just the two of us. Yeah.

Those were dark times. Very dark. And now we live in a bright and happy time in which we have a lot of talented people who actually help us do things and do things much better, a lot of things much better than we would ever be able to do them. That's right, the Mythical Crew.

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That's ZipRecruiter.com slash ear. One more time, try it for free. Go to ZipRecruiter.com slash ear. Yeah so let's get on to the biscuit with Lizzie and Ellie. You can take just a short bathroom break if you want to because we've already recorded it. Okay, enjoy. Oh my goodness, all right.

That wasn't just a bit, I'm gonna be in the bathroom. Yep. All right, here you are, and we're gonna talk conspiracy theories. Mm-hmm. Celebrity conspiracy theories? Yes. Okay.

But first, before we get into that, we owe it to the people, to the Ear Biscuiteers, to give them an update on your relationship that you've started with the guy from Bumble that we talked about. Oh, the man I'm promised to marry. Yeah. Yes. In the episode, How Millennials Date, we sparked this relationship back up.

I've been saving my questions about this guy until right now. Because we told you to say something. I can't remember what we told you to say. What did you say? I said exactly what you told me to say. I said, sorry, I'm terrible about checking this app. How's the meal prep going? He said, lol, it didn't last the whole week.

I ate them faster than anticipated. I said, that's exactly what happened to me when I tried to do it. Also, cooking things and thinking I'll have leftovers is a joke. He said, very true. And that was the end of our relationship. No! Well, that was the end of the conversation. Because you didn't pick it back up.

Yeah. Oh, why not? I got tired. Can we didn't pick it back up. Yeah. Oh, why not? I got tired. Can we give you another prompt? No. But all I... I mean, he said... We'll let it go this time.

He said very true, which was... It wasn't... He wasn't exactly continuing the conversation. Very true. And by the way, would you like to date? You know? Or very true with a question mark? Yeah.

No. You know, I like to end all conversations that I want to continue with question marks. So what's your objective here? I mean, how's this going to work? What do you want? Are you trying to convince us of something? Yeah. We just want to open your eyes to the real truth, which, I mean, as you've probably guessed,

things are not quite as they seem, especially amongst famous people. Okay. As you've probably guessed, things are not quite as they seem, especially amongst famous people. So our goal is definitely to, we just want to show you these conspiracy theories, cover the real factual evidence that's real. The real factual evidence that's real. You're already hedging. It's real. Also, I'd just like to say that for me personally, this is very much a play to get myself a seat at the Illuminati table. So if they're listening, I think that goes for both of us. They're always listening.

Yeah, there's a table. There's a round table. Did you not watch Da Vinci Code or whatever? They don't want to be called out though, right? Actually, no, I haven't. Well, okay, I understand that. But how am I going to get into the Eyes Wide Shut party if I don't ask for an invite? I don't think they're going to approach me.

So this is my ask with Ellie. Yeah, I would like to be there too but I am scared of blood is this is this DaVinci Code or Eyes Wide Shut what movie are we talking about everything vanilla sky probably not that one there's Illuminati references in Paul Blart Mall Cop that's true true. Really? That's amazing. I want to hear about that. That's another time and place. Don't even get us started on Katy Perry. That's a whole episode.

So we're not talking about Katy Perry. No. How is this working? Are you guys, do you, are you combatants in this? Do you each have something that you're bringing?

Yeah, we have something to share with you guys. And then I don't actually know what she has. I know what I have, and I'm prepared to be open-minded to what she brings to the smaller round table. Which is what? Like, as an overview, what do you have?

Okay, well, do you guys know who Keanu Reeves is? Yeah, of course. I've heard of him. Have you ever noticed how good he looks? He's a good-looking guy, yeah. Yeah've heard of him. Have you ever noticed how good he looks? He's a good looking guy, yeah. Yeah, it's because he's- I can recognize that. It's because he's an immortal being

who's been with us through almost every century in time. And I'm ready to prove that to you tonight. Okay, and Lizzie, what are you proving? Okay, mine is not about immortal beings. Mine is about very mortal beings. And one in particular, which is Lindsay Lohan's identical twin.

Have I hooked you? I'm hooked. You remember the parent trap? That wasn't green screen. Oh. It wasn't. Oh because she played two different people in that. No she didn't. That was her identical twin which I will get into momentarily. There was twins in that movie.

But there's been a cover-up of the twin and a cover-up of Keanu's immortality. Yeah, it's Keanu doing most of the work himself. He's very thorough, though. Okay, so where are we going first? Yeah, let's get into the evidence. Who are we going to hear from? I guess I'll start.

So, obviously, 1998, we all remember The Parent Trap, the remake of the classic 1950s or 60s movie? One of those. Doesn't matter. This is the new one. It starred Lindsay Lohan. It was her big break. She got a lot of success out of this,

and everybody was saying, oh, how amazing that this 11, 12-year-old played two characters so convincingly. It was incredible. And after that, she was in Herbie the Love Bug. Well, Mean Girls first, right? Which was also a remake of a Disney movie. Herbie the Love Bug.

Isn't that what it was called? Did you see that? I'd just like to point out that her twin was dead by then. So that's if we're going off of this timeline. Oh, really? The twin died. Yeah. Oh, I just spoiled something for you guys. I'm sorry. Her twin's dead, so here's what happened. Well, hence the cover-up. That's convenient.

Yeah, so she has a twin named Kelsey, or could be Kelsey Lohan. Kelsey Lohan. I'd like to introduce you guys to Kelsey Lohan. After they finished filming The Parent Trap, these two incredible twins that Disneyney had located there was a horrible car crash in which kelsey was tragically lost oh however disney decided that they did not want to promote a movie where a little girl had just died obviously that'll never work right clearly the way to still make money off of this even more money is to say that it was all lindsey and that she was so impressive that

she played both parts. So that's theory number one. It's buzzworthy and not sad. It's inspiring. Can I ask one question? I'm sure you'll get into this, does that mean that if you watch, because typically when there's one person playing two roles in a movie, you can kind of tell that they're

cheated and like, oh yeah, they don't really cross, they don't cross each other. And is that the kind of stuff, those effects are really expensive. I mean, it is Disney we're talking about. They got money. But is it very clear that there's lots of things that would have been very expensive effects

that they could have avoided? Well, interesting you should bring that up because some people actually do point to the accuracy of the green screen in that movie as being impressive because it was in 1998 that it came out, which means it was shot. I believe principal shooting began in 1997. And people say that they didn't have green screen that good because they actually do cross paths quite a bit in the movie. I would like you to take a look at this image here where they are touching each other. That sounded creepy.

Like friends. Is this a still from a video or is this just a photo? This is a production still, supposedly, from this movie. Now, there are people that say that these are not identical twins, that it's not the same person. They note slight differences in the nose as well as in the teeth. person. They note slight differences in the nose as well as in the teeth. If you stare at it long enough, it's like a Rorschach test and I do start

to see differences in butterflies. Yeah, you see like the after images of your eventual death. There's a freckle on this left cheek. I think that's our printer. That's like a photo. That's our printer. One hair is... You're not helping your cause. One has longer hair, one has shorter hair. You need to be like, yeah, that's our printer. That's like a photo. That's our printer. One hair is, one has longer hair, one has shorter hair.

You need to be like, yeah, that's a freckle and then that's not. Which one's Lindsey? You think it's just the printer? Which one is Lindsey? Well the one on the left of the picture has a little gum disease starting. Do you see that?

That's not Lindsey. Do you see that little gum disease starting? Mm-hmm. You don't see that on this one. Right. So the other theory is that Kelsey- Dead twin had gum disease. Yeah, well, that's why they got rid of her, which brings me to the second theory, which is that Disney had a hit taken out on Kelsey. Oh, wow.

Now I'm interested. What does Disney have to gain from killing a child? Guys, they didn't want to pay two of them. They don't have that kind of money. They had to just pay one. Low overhead, high reward. They were like, pick the better one and we'll just promote that one

and then we'll off the other one and it's fine. Yeah, because Lindsay's- It was a financial motivation? That is the theory, yeah. And Lindsay's parents are just gonna be like, yeah, I'll just, once one of my kids is dead, you can just pay for the one that's still living? Yes, it's Dina and Michael Lohan, absolutely.

Her dad, he's not above that kind of thing. No. What does he have to say about it? I'm so convinced of this one. Michael- On the record, Michael. I think if we met Michael in a bar or restaurant establishment, he would probably tell us all about this.

That's my guess. Yeah, he's there a mess. I mean, that that's the other thing is like the family fell apart so much and that Lindsay Lohan fell apart so much. And the theory is that it was like survivor's guilt and also that she took credit for her sister's role. And that's what the deterioration came from. Well, I mean, and also there's the theory that, you know, Disney paid off the family because you would, the question I have in my head is what you asked, which is like what parents would,

even if the kid died accidentally in a car accident, what parents would then agree to cover this up? But then you're like Michael and Dina Lohan, those are the parents that would agree to cover this up. In order to get more money. Yeah. But then Disney wanted to pay less money, so then that doesn't add up.

Those are two separate theories. So if you're going the more sort of violent Disney put a hit out on this 11-year-old girl theory, then yes, that's it. I don't subscribe to that one. I do. Me neither. I subscribe to that Kelsey was tragically lost

and Disney made the best of a bad situation. They didn't want to make the movie, the promotion of the movie, the promotion of the movie, the release of the movie, just be surrounded by this tragedy. And you can have this Photoshopped image that's passing as a production photo back. Thank you.

That is two different people and not at all Photoshopped, but that's fine. Well, it's funny you should mention the Photoshop as well because only about two years ago the girl who claimed to be Lindsay Lohan's body double during the movie came

forward. Her name is Erin Mackey and also interesting that she didn't come forward with this until 2015 which is when these rumors started to circulate on the internet. Body double and what did she say? You talking about stand in or someone who she acted against because she had to play both roles? Well, let me show you, Link. Because she released pictures that she

says are from the set. However, people think that the lighting looks very different on her versus on everyone else. So you think that this body double photoshopped herself into these production photos? I think Disney photoshopped herself into these production photos. I think Disney photoshopped her into those photos because people started to realize what they had done. Yeah, that can't get out, you know? No.

Okay, so this is the little girl who played the twin. Yes. Also, she is seven years older than Lindsay Lohan. So they're claiming that she is the same age, well, that she's seven years older than Lindsay Lohan in those pictures, claiming that she is the same age, well that she's seven years older than Lindsay Lohan in those pictures, which that does not make any sense to me. Hold on, that's what the actual like real world timeline is supposed to be?

Yes. Seven years older? Yes. Yeah. Well how old was Lindsay in this picture? She's like 11. So this girl was 18? Allegedly.

Yeah. Right? Isn't that crazy? It makes no sense. Okay, so you're telling me that right now this little girl, what's her name? Erin Mackey. Here, we can... If you look Erin Mackey up on Wiki. Yeah, she's on Broadway now. She's gonna be seven years older than Lindsay Lohan.

That's what the Seventeen Magazine article told me. I mean, my highly credible sources. On Broadway, able to afford a one-bedroom in Manhattan, where'd you get that money? Is that Dennis Quaid? Yeah. Dennis Quaid and Natasha Richardson. Hillary Rodham Clinton?

No. It does look like Hillary, doesn't it? Especially in this one. It's poor Natasha Richardson who really did meet an untimely end. Which is sad. Oh, she did? Some peace, Natasha Richardson. That's Liam Neeson's wife.

Oh, yeah. That's sad. Oh, yeah. I liked her. See, this story That was sad. I liked her. See, this story's already sad. Why you got to add another dead girl to it? I didn't add it. Disney did.

Okay, but for real, look that up. It's supposed to be seven years difference? Yeah. If they're claiming that, then... What? Oh, wait. They might be the same age. Now it's saying the same age.

Man, I'm telling you, read a 17 magazine thing where they were like she is 7 years older than Lindsay Lohan 17 noted don't listen to me you know 17 magazine messed up and that's on them I mean it's definitely on me but yeah

I still think those pictures look doctored. I'll stand by that. I don't. Look at her. I don't. Why would you choose this picture? It's a horrible picture of her. That one is interesting.

Unless you had to choose a picture where you were the right size and height in order to Photoshop it in with Lindsay Lohan. I'm not sure if Dennis Quaid was actually there. Yeah, no. His head is way too large. Is his head really that big? Yes. Dennis Quaid has a very large head. The Quaid was actually there. Yeah, no. His head is way too large. Is his head really that big? Yes. Dennis Quaid has a very large head.

The Quaid boys have big heads, which a lot of actors do. Wait, is Randy Quaid his brother? Is that right? Yeah. Well, Randy Quaid is involved in this, so you know there's something weird going on. Yeah, why do you think he's so obsessed with the Star Wackers? You know, their assassin group. She is so right.

Hollywood A-listers. And he's in hiding. Randy Quaid told Dennis Quaid, and Dennis group She is so right. on Hollywood A-listers. And he's in hiding. It's because, you know, Randy Quaid Randy Quaid told Dennis Quaid and Dennis Quaid saw it happen and so that's obvious. She's right. But Randy looks good these days, though.

Have you seen him lately? See, that's insight. You just gave insight into how these conspiracy theories happen. Yeah. It's just, I'm gonna, you just added a little something. Added a little something.

Yeah, I just added I just proved a little something with the Randy Quaid thing. Like, you just, you just added a little something. Added a little something. I just proved a little something. With the Randy Quaid thing, you brought him into the mix. You literally put him at the scene of this thing. You cast dispersion. And you cast dispersion. Yeah, but in a factual and helpful way. In a hopeful way.

In a helpful way. Oh, helpful, okay. I think that if we want to go away from facts, because you seem to have a problem with those, I think what sold me on this theory when I was thinking about it is that I remember watching The Parent Trap and fundamentally being blown away by how good it is. And I've never felt that way about one. Have you ever seen an Adam Sandler movie or an eddie murphy movie or a tyler

perry movie well i guess it would be if it crosses if it crosses it's green it's green yeah that's true but if it doesn't then it's split screen but i mean there are uh it is exceptionally good if it's not if it's one person it's very good it's amazing. I remember I definitely thought they were two girls when I was little because I was young when this came out. And it broke my heart that it was just one girl because I thought they were the coolest sisters ever. And they were because they were sisters. Well, I remember when I found out that the little girl on Full House

was actually two girls and I felt ripped off. Yeah. Yeah, this is the opposite of that. Yeah, don't you think if they needed two girls on Full House, they would need two girls for something as ambitious as the parent trap? Yeah.

Hello? Well, and especially to play. Good point. Well, I mean, think about it. You've got two girls playing one person. It's four times as hard for one person to play two people. That's the math? That's the actor math?

It is the math. Because if you've got two people playing half a role, and then you've got one person playing two roles, four times one half is two. Maybe Lindsay Lohan. That is the math. Quadruplets. I don't math. And, you know, and... Quadruplets.

I don't mean to make this about us, but whenever we were writing, like, the doppelganger part of Buddy's system, and we knew we were gonna have to, like, do a bunch of split-screen acting against ourselves, and, like, we had a couple of green-screen shots. And they're very obvious. We were like, we have to,

we gotta minimize this because we know it's not gonna be fun to act against nobody. And also, Disney wasn't paying for it, though. Right. You're saying you don't have

the same budget as... 1997, though. 20 years ago. But late 90s Disney, okay, what's the budget for the parent trap? That is not information

that I have, but I do have a computer in front of me. They've locked it up. No one can access that. Hold on. Look, I'll look that up. I can't reach because her glass is in the way. I got it, I got it, I got it. The budget for The Parent Trap.

1998 is the one we're looking for. $15.5 million. That is not that much money. No, that's really low. That's really low and that's really good green screen. That actually just really helped your theory a lot. Yeah. Because it was like 25, 30 million.

No. Once you paid Dennis Quaid. Yeah, he was the entire budget. He's taking seven down or something like that. I mean your green screen line item is nil. It is awfully suspicious. And also, there's a name for this twin. Like, I could not figure out where the name came from.

But I can't tell if somebody just decided that this girl was named Kelsey Lohan or if my theory about Michael Lohan is accurate and that he was, like, three deep at a bar and told somebody about this story. Which, that's my bet. I think Michael Lohan spilled the beans, not Dina. What else you got? How deep does this go? Is there another, you know,

what do you call it when something seals the deal? Is there a body? You're not convinced? Yeah, where's the body? No, you know what, that's it. Wait, I do have one more additional detail. You have one more point. You have one more point.

Which this is an important one. A commenter on one of our This is Mythical videos actually recently just theorized that I have a twin named Amber who only steps in to do nasty food challenges that I don't want to do. And I would like to take this moment right now to confirm that that is true. And it's really useful to have a twin that I don't have to pay or let out of the closet except for when I don't want to do a food video.

You keep her in a closet? Yeah. It's like in Real Genius. Did she also get her hair cut? She had to. And you didn't tell us about her. No, I don't want you to pay her. The salary goes to me.

Yeah. So I saved you the issue that Disney had. Right. You don't have to choose to kill one of us. But now that we know she's this. Well, what you're really saying is that you parent trapped us. Yeah. Yeah, you never know.

Isn't that the plot of Parent Trapped? That they only have one kid? Yeah, you guys broke up. We brought you back together. It's actually a really messed up movie when you think about it the parents got divorced and then they're like well i want to live in london and he's like i want to live in napa and they're like let's just split up the kids and lie to them and tell them they're only children and they're like okay and then they split up and then that's what happens that's what happens and then they go to summer camp

they meet at summer camp yeah and then also inexplicable why they don't realize they're twins immediately. They look at each other and they go, whoa, we look alike. Now, Hayley Mills was the original one, and she didn't have a twin. No. So they did the remake

in the same way. That movie is rough. That movie's really bad. That movie, it's rough. It looks like they're just shooting her in separate rooms and then putting them in. Yeah, like she just ran across the room

to the other side and was like, yeah, let's get our parents back together. So if Disney is twisted enough to remake such a twisted plot line of what kind of parents do that lie to their children

in that way. Yeah, terrible parents. But then they brought them, spoiler alert, they brought them back together in both versions. Which is also messed up to make children of divorce hope for their parents getting back together. Because like that's not going to happen and probably shouldn't happen if they're divorced.

Yeah, but kids of divorced parents are hopeful for multiple generations because of the two versions of the movie. Of course. Thanks to Disney. Yeah, thanks Disney. If they're that ruthless, you're telling me they could probably off a child in order to save a little money to put in towards the green screen budget of the next Parent Trap 3. Yeah. I don't believe that they would kill a kid. No, but I think they'd cover it up. But I think that if it happened and she hadn't broken out yet,

they might cover it up. That's the thing. She's completely unknown. But I think there would be lots of pictures of them together as kids that people would be finding. Well, before the digital age. How hard is it to get rid of those? It's not like now because I thought that too.

Fireplace. Yeah. Just throw those Polaroids right in the fire. Yeah, there's no digital legacy. There's no Facebook or anything of these kids. like now because I thought that too. Fireplace. Yeah. Just throw those Polaroids right in the fire. Yeah. There's no digital legacy. There's no Facebook or anything of these kids. So if all you have are your- You would think Disney would get rid of Haley Duff if they could.

Oh. Or what's the other one? What's Jessica Simpson's? Cole Sprouse? Oh, no. They weren't. Cole Sprouse is a good one. What?

Who is that? These are other Disney twins. The Sprouse boys. The Sprouse twins. I like them both, actually. Okay. All right. I'd say that-

I'd say it's plausible. Well, anything's plausible. Well, lots of things are plausible. It's not impossible, but it's not probable. All right. 17 Magazine really messed me up. Let's see what Ellie's got. Ellie, what you got?

All right. Keanu Reeves is an immortal being. Okay, this starts in a plausible place. Yeah, this starts. You're looking, she's grabbing something. Keanu's under the table. She's grabbing some prints. This is all the evidence you should need

and if that doesn't convince you enough, I have lots of things to go into. 1994 to 2008. The man does not age. So my question is how? And here is why. He is immortal. Well his eyes are smaller.

His eyes got smaller. In 2008. That's the one thing that happened. Okay. He didn't really get any wrinkles. No. Okay. His jawline stayed pretty much the same.

Almost identical. Does he have a beard in John Wick? Because how does a man with that pattern of facial hair actually pull off a beard? It's a good beard too. It's almost as if he has some elixir in his bloodstream. Or just grows a solid beard. I think his beard is supplemented with makeup.

Oh, you could be right. I actually have a point about that. We will get there. All right, all right. Oh my goodness. All right, so yeah, he, you know, was six plus eight. He looks pretty good. 14 years later.

Yeah, that's pretty good. That doesn't look like 14 years of age. Yeah, any man should be jealous of that type of aging. So if that doesn't convince you alone, and I understand, your first question when you're told that Keanu Reeves might be immortal is, why are we just seeing him now? You know, he's lived for however many eons, and we're just hearing about him now. Well, spoiler alert, he's popped up through history other times. And there is a whole website dedicated to proving this called

KeanuIsImmortal.com. Well, that's a convenient name. Yeah, I mean, they've got the domain handle and they did it right, but they have... I wonder if they had to buy that off of some dude who was like squatting on it. He's like, yeah, one of these days. Well, Keanu probably himself. Yeah, if he's always been around.

That's how he's making the money. He's been very careful, but he's definitely slipped up in the past. I actually think he has fun the money. He's been very careful, but he's definitely slipped up in the past. I actually think he has fun with it. So the first time Keanu has popped up, and I think this is around the time he was born and became immortal, is with the great emperor Charlemagne. Oh, gosh. I don't know if you're aware of Charlemagne.

Is that the Magna Carta that we're talking about? Is that the one? Is that a different one? I actually don't know about that. What year are we talking about? Is that the one? Is that a different one? I actually don't know about that. What years are we talking about? I think that is Charlemagne. We're talking about 800 AD to 814 AD. So he's most notable as an emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. And he pursued an aggressive campaign to protect the papacy

and helped push the spread of Christianity throughout the Roman Empire and modern-day Europe through violent force. I know. It doesn't sound like Keanu. Or Charlemagne. We're talking about Charlemagne. Okay. But he's also Keanu.

What? Hold on. I thought he was going to be like an assistant. You're telling me Charlemagne is Keanu? Yes, I am. Okay. Yes, I am. You got pictures of Charlemagne?

Yes, I do. They didn't have photographs back then. Yeah, but when you're a famous Holy Roman Emperor, you have portraits. So check this out. Don't look at the bottom one yet. Was he English? Was he French? He was like Italian, sort of Turkish.

Oh, really? He went through. I'm not an expert on Charlemagne. I am an expert on how he is similar to Keanu. Well, Charlemagne's beard here

is a lot more than Keanu could hope for. No, but look. No, they have matching patchiness. You see how beardy

he can get. Yeah. That's the same beard shape. I mean, it really is. It really is. And I couldn't find a picture of Keanu with a crown, but I feel like they hold it on their head similarly.

Look at the patch on each side of his little soul patch. I feel it. He's got the negative beard there around the soul patch. Keanu has the same thing. Yeah. Well, you can't hang a whole theory on that, guys. Yes, you can. What other evidence about Charlemagne? Here's the thing is that you may think, no, he can't hang a whole theory on that, guys. Yes, you can. What other evidence about Charlemagne?

Here's the thing is that you may think, no, we can't be Charlemagne because Charlemagne caused so much bloodshed with forcefully making people be Christians and stuff. But I feel like if you were Keanu and you were just turned immortal, I feel like you'd have a lot of angst and you'd just kind of go wild and you'd want to go hard as an immortal being. Like you can't die, why not do all these things? So why not become the Holy Roman Emperor?

And he did all this stuff and I think that also explains why he chilled out later in his later centuries. That's why he made Point Break. That's why he made Point Break. You know you're gonna live forever. I mean why? From Magna Carta to Point Break. You gotta ride the wave, baby.

This is your only evidence for him being Charlemagne. No, no, no. Is that he has two negative beard spaces. They match, though. I'm looking at the... The nose is pretty similar, too.

I'll give you that. I'm asking, is that it for Charlemagne? No, it's not. I just want to make one point, though. I did jump ahead a tiny bit, and I will say that the negative space

on the right side of Keanu's chin does appear to match the same on Charlemagne's. I'm just saying. The soul patch is slightly off center. Look at the next picture. Yeah. You see what I'm saying? Yeah. A beard. There we go.

Or lack of beard is not a fingerprint. Okay, but listen to this. Have you ever stuck your beard in ink at the police station? Okay, so. I mean Rhett. Have you? No, but I will now. It's like you get arrested for something and you're like insisting to put your beard in.

No, no, no, no, let me stick my beard in there. It's more reliable. This is the only silver lining I have for being arrested is I get to finally do this thing that I talked about on a podcast where I was being convinced that Keanu Reeves is Charlamagne. Okay. I'll build a GMM episode out of it.

When did he rear his head next? Okay, the way Charlamagne died is the most interesting because Charlamagne. I like his. Charlamagne. Charlamagne. Charlamagne. So he fell ill with pleurisy,

which is an inflammation in the chest cavity, which is very uncommon in that time. It's weird not to die with weird skin rashes and stuff. So he didn't look like he was dying from the outside. And then one day he was just like, oh, my son, you're going to be the emperor. I'm going to go die now. And literally laid down in a bed and was like, give me my last rites. And then he died.

And it's literally being like, I'm really dying. OK, I'm dead now. And closed his eyes. And then he was entombed above ground. And some guy, some Emperor Otto from the Count of the Palace of Aachen went to go visit him. And it said that they claimed Charlemagne was seated upon a throne, wearing a crown and holding a scepter. And his flesh was almost entirely incorrupt.

Because it wasn't corrupt because he wasn't dead. He was just depressed. They didn't make anything up back then. No. He was just sitting. You know in Twilight the really old Italian vampires who are just really slow and don't do anything because they're so bored

because they've been immortal for so long? Yes, I do. That's what I'm imagining. You run out of zest for life when it doesn't end. Yeah, so he had a low point there. He died, he was emperor, he thought he'd done it all. A low point in the tomb. What am I gonna do?

A low point. He just sat in a tomb on a throne. Haven't you seen the sad Keanu meme? That's probably what he was doing. Yes! He just takes breaks where he sits on park benches or in tombs and is sad for a little bit and then he gets back in the game.

I'm on board with this. And then what was the next point in the game though? Like when did he bounce back in history? Okay, so he was depressed, he was sad, he was over being immortal. He pops back up in the 19th century as Paul Monet. That was quite a break though. I gotta say that was quite a break.

Well he wanted to stay out of the public eye a little bit, right? For a thousand years. You don't wanna arouse suspicion. I got to say that was quite a break. Well, he wanted to stay out of the public eye a little bit, right? For a thousand years. You don't want to arouse suspicion. I have a kind of complicated theory that he's also Hamlet, but we don't have to go into that. Okay. Was Hamlet a real? Yeah, he's based off this guy named Amleth, who was a-

A whiny Danish prince? Yeah, basically. I hate Hamlet. He was a Scandinavian prince who went through the exact same travails and he died mysteriously also and there's a photo evidence that they kind of look similar. But back to Paul Mounet. This is a slightly. The artist?

He is, this is not the artist, this is M-O-U-N-E-T. Mounet. And he was a actor in France in the 19th century. Started working on his acting chops. And that's him right there, and don't they look the same? Okay? So he. Different beard than Charlemagne.

Is it? Just a little bit more beard wax, that's all. Well it doesn't connect, he has a soul patch. He has a soul patch, Maybe that's a style choice. That could be a style choice. That's a French thing, to be honest. He shaved under there. Yeah, he definitely shaved under there.

Yeah, but it kind of grows in the same sort of plume. You know what I mean? But you're telling me that Keanu Reeves had over 150 years or so to work on his acting and he's as good as he is now. Yes, he's amazing. What are you talking about? Are you saying that he's bad at acting? Have you ever seen Point Break?

Matrix? Speed? John Wick? Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure? Yeah, I've seen them all. They're all great movies. I've seen Matrix. Not because of Keanu.

I've seen Speed. That's wrong. Wow. Okay, this is a fundamental disagreement and it is subjective and I do only care about facts. I care about opinions, and I love Keanu Reeves, and I don't think he's that bad an actor. No, I think...

Oh, wait, he was in that Shakespeare movie, and that was bad. Wait, hold on. But he was just throwing you off the trail. He was in Much Ado About Nothing as the villain, and he's very bad in it. But now that I'm thinking about it, that could have been a red herring. Because he was a bad in it, but now that I'm thinking about it, that could have been a red herring. But he also. Because he was a villain. Can I just say.

For real life? No, because he wanted to be bad at Shakespeare. But he never does an accent though. A man who. He tried in that movie. A man who's been around for a thousand years. Wouldn't that be a smoking gun? Yes.

Like he's too good at accents, he has to protect himself. No matter what role he plays, he talks like a dude from Southern California. That's so smart. And I think that's safe. Yeah. You're right. So just to go back to Shakespeare and my theory that he is actually

Hamlet. In modern Keanu's lifetime he filmed Speed which was a breakout hit. It's that one with the bus that wouldn't turn off with Sandra Bullock. Oh yeah. Buses turn on and off they do um he turned down 11 million dollars for speed 2 instead to play the lead in a production of Hamlet at a humble Canadian theater in Manitoba weird right but even speed 2

was terrible that was not a bad even weird 11 Patrick. He touched it. He touched the bullet. Patrick played his character in Speed 2. Okay, you don't think he would play bad sequels? John Wick, Matrix, come on, Bill and Ted 2? None of those are bad. All right. Well, what I'm saying is the man is not opposed to sequels. So he turns down $11 million for Speed 2 to do the Shakespeare play of Hamlet. And this review from Roger Lewis in the Sunday Times said, he quite embodied the innocence, the splendid fury, the animal grace of the le, and this review from Roger Lewis in the Sunday Times said,

he quite embodied the innocence, the splendid fury, the animal grace of the leaps and bounds. What? Leaps and bounds. Okay. The animal grace of the leaps and bounds, the emotional violence that formed the Prince of Denmark. He is one of the top three Hamlets I have ever seen for a simple reason. He is Hamlet. Richard Lewis knew.

Roger Lewis knew. So did Richard. All the Lewis's knew. Is there footage of him? No, there's no footage. And isn't that weird too? No, it's a Manitoban production of Hamlet. Yeah, it's not weird.

They didn't have a green screen budget either But was he using an accent? No, he can't, it's still Keanu You have to have the conceit of being Keanu, right? Yeah Also, generally in Shakespeare, I mean, I don't know I've seen a lot of Shakespeare plays, they normally don't really put them on Really?

Well, yeah, unless you see British actors I think the modern concept now is to not necessarily have to do an accent because it wouldn't have sounded anything like a British accent anyway. Yeah, because it's not cool anymore. Yeah, I think British accents from that time sounded like garbled trash. Garbled trash. Yet he is Hamlet. Yes.

Well, Hamlet was- And he can't shuffle off that mortal coil. Oh, no. Ow, Sam. He's stuck on the coil. It's a coil that never ends. He's stuck on the coil. It's a coil that never ends. He's stuck on the coil. That must be a Hamlet reference.

Now, I teased you. We're from Buies Creek. It's just the Lion King. That's the plot of Hamlet. Just think Lion King. Shout out to my Shakespeare fans out there. I played a manservant in one production in college and I had three lines.

Which one? The one with the I had three lines. Which one? The one with the changing genders and stuff. What? I don't think that's in the interpretation. No, the one that She's the Man is based off of. That's a different play. No. Well, no matter what the play,

you should never be relegated to just be a manservant. She's the Man is Twelfth Night, isn't it? Twelfth Night. I was a manservant. I thought you were saying in Hamlet you played it. No, no. I was like, what? Another Shakespeare.

I was just shouting out Shakespeare in general. Okay, what else? So I had teased earlier about how he may have hired help from makeup artists to help age him perhaps. There is a photo of Paul Monet, the French actor looking older but it looks weird. It kind of looks like if you put your face through an app to look older. Oh, well they had those in the 19th century. They did not

but they did have makeup brushes and other makeup things. But do we have like historic pictures where it's like, oh that's Keanu. You know, I see those floating around the internet. it's like, oh, that's Keanu. I see those floating around the internet. It's like a group photo

of miners and rules somewhere on Earth. Yeah. These are the ones... Miners or miners? Both. And Keanu's just one of them. KeanuIsImmortal.com tracks all of these photos, but these are the ones that have, like,

there's information about the men in the photos that can connect them to Keanu. I wouldn't want to come to you with just a picture, you know? I've got everything to back it up. Are you saying that he has to, like, okay. Also, no one found Paul Monet's body after he died. Are you saying that once he becomes who he's going to become in a particular generation, he has to kind of live a life and then die?

Yeah, don't you think that's fulfilling? Like, that's the only way I would want to be immortal. Well, maybe those are the only ones we've seen. I mean, you're talking about him having, like, 800-year gaps in between these. We don't know what he was doing in there. Maybe he wasn't always in the public eye. He was being a minor. That's what I'm saying. Every once in a while he decides to

this lifetime I'm going to be in the public eye. Or you try something out for three years. You hate it. Maybe you disappear for a little while. Roam around. Come back. Paul Monet started out as a doctor. He was pretty good at it and then he decided to quit and do acting and that's what he really likes. Wow. That never happens.

Now modern Keanu is an actor. Is there something you're holding back? Is there like a big clencher? Yes, I do have a big clencher. Like an empty tomb? Well, I know he's not dead yet. I mean, we did cover an empty tomb, so that was one of my first points. But I could say it again.

No, he was there. He was sitting on a throne. I want to say that in 2003, Keanu actually made waves when he gifted $50 million of his Matrix earnings to the unsung heroes of the production, the costume and special effects teams. What? $50 million he gave to the costume and special effects?

Hold on. He made $50 million off of the Matrix? Yeah, and more so. He must have made a lot more than that. How? He gave $50 million off of the Matrix? Yeah, and more so. He must have made a lot more than that. How? He gave $50 million of his Matrix money to the costume department? Yes.

How did he make that much money off of that movie? When asked about it, he said, and I quote, money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries. Sounds like the way an old Holy Roman Emperor would talk, one with tons of gold in their attic for when they need it while they're immortal.

Well, let me just say that I'm looking up Keanu Reeves as a kid, and all you see is pictures of him since the Bill and Ted era. Yes. And then maybe babies. Bill and Ted, which was about traveling through time.

Why was he so good at it? Why was it so successful? Because he's done it. He does it at the speed of time. So there's this one. That's true. He doesn't travel through. There's this one picture that they're using.

That is not Keanu Reeves. This is for Reddit. That's a young girl. And it says, so turns out Keanu Reeves is immortal, WTF. Yeah, that's not Keanu Reeves. Right. Okay, here's one more. That's definitely him.

This is A&E. Let me see. I hope none of these are good. Okay. That. Nope. Unconvinced. Unconvincing.

Unconvinced. But you would expect. No, that looks like Riley Blevins who I went to middle school with. His nose is wrong. It's a different nose. The nose is wrong. It's a different nose. The nose is wrong. You do expect to see more, though. Pre-pubescent nose.

You don't think he's gone? That's the only piece of evidence that we got is some A&E thing? He also has a sister who doesn't look like him at all. A sister. Well, here's my question. Why did he give $50 million to the costume group specifically? I'm astounded by that. That is the biggest piece of evidence.

He wore a black trench coat the whole time. My theory... He was frustrated? He wanted something more? I just want to say that Keanu's immortal theory is gaining a lot of traction in the past five years. And I think it will continue to do so as Keanu gets older but doesn't age. Weird. So I think he did

that to get in really good with some trusted makeup and special effects workers like i bet he made friends with a special effects person on that set and they were like okay i'll do this for you in 40 years if you like give back to my profession not me like i i think that's a good special effects worker who's trying to get in good with the whole special effects team wouldn Wouldn't he just die though? Isn't that the easy, just die. Just die and go away for a little bit. Well, I think he likes living his life.

He did so much work to become the Keanu Reeves we know now. It's a lot tougher to die now than it used to be. That's true. Yeah, it's getting harder. You can't just have pleurisy and like die in a weird tomb. Because there's coroners and there's people who certify the death. I feel like in France you can.

Why do you think Paul Monet stopped being a doctor? Because there would be too many questions. He would have too many doctor friends. This theory will be vindicated if in one point in the future Keanu Reeves is killed in some sort of accident where they can't find his body. He's really into motorcycles. They got it. Knock on wood. I really don't want Keanu Reeves to die.

I love him. So I knocked, I knocked on wood too loud and this is an audio recording, but that's how much I don't want that to become true. And that's why you wanna believe this, because you want him to be immortal. Yeah, I mean. We believe what we wanna believe. I don't want it so bad that I would be clouded by a lack of facts.

And I have so many facts. So many facts. Is it like Twilight, though, where if we happen to meet or something and fall in love, which could happen, could he take me with him? No, I think that's what's so heartbreaking. Why do you think Hamlet is so sad? He's not a vampire. He's just immortal. What is he then?

This is Hamlet, by the way. But I just want to close this out. Next to a picture of Keanu throwing a baseball at me. Well, he's holding like a scepter and a ball thing, and I just wanted to compare it similarly. No. Okay. That's your worst one so far.

You shouldn't have broken that one out. Okay, I just wanna bring it back. Well, they're both left-handed. I wanna bring it back to modern times. And I wanna say, recently, Keone was interviewed in depth by Esquire as promotion for his upcoming film, John Wick, which is excellent, John Wick 2, actually.

It is good. And during the interview... Do I have to see the first one before I watch the second one? You don't have to, but you should, because the first one is really perfect. It's like one of my favorite movies, and I get really scared in like super intense action movies. A lot of people die in that, I heard.

Yeah, all of them. It's all to avenge his dog. No, there's a sequel. That's right. He spoiled it. He's super cute. It doesn't matter. He died in a movie? It's so fun. It's just great. Wait, there's a sequel. That's right. He spoiled it. He's super cute. He doesn't matter. He can't even die in a movie. It's so fun. It's just great.

Wait, has Keanu ever died in a movie? Great question. I don't know. He must have. Has he? He didn't die in Point Break. He didn't die in Devil's Advocate. He's definitely died in a movie.

If he did, what would that prove? Yeah, I mean. Does he die at the end of Matrix? He's an actress. He doesn't know how to die. Oh, that's the one thing he doesn't have any experience with. I'm going to look it up. Okay.

Keep going. I'm looking into this. Anyway, so he was interviewed and it was brought up, this online conspiracy, which is online conspiracy. That's like gaining in popularity. And he responds extremely convincingly with, oh, what? Really? And when the interview shows him these pictures of his former identities, he goes, that's crazy.

Oh, my gosh. Which is how you respond exactly if someone, if you had to cover up something that you know you were lying about. I do agree with that because what you're doing right now is what I think about when I think of Keanu Reeves acting. Thank you so much. Yeah, that's fair. That's pretty much it. So I agree, he's acting. And he has died.

In what? He died, he committed suicide in The Devil's Advocate. No, he comes back. But he comes back, and then of course he dies in The Matrix, but he comes back. Yes. But in The Watcher. And Bill and Ted, he dies and comes back.

Wow! But in The Watcher, he was burned to death inside of a warehouse. Let's cross that one off the list. Burned to death ones are actually what vampires always did when they were pretending to die in Twilight. Have you seen The Watcher 2 when he comes back? Hit in the bus while crossing the street, but resurrects after receiving a warning. Guys, he does not die in movies. Well, he died in The Watcher. when he comes back? Hit in the bus while crossing the street, but resurrects after receiving a warning.

Okay. Guys, he does not die in movies. Well, he died in The Watcher. Not including The Watcher. That sounds like a smoking gun to me. That sounds like the clincher you were talking about. Maybe he's telling a story through all his movies. Have you ever thought about that? He might be the greatest artist of all time.

He's leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. All time. And I mean all time, literally, in that it is all of the time that there ever was. Well, Keanu, if you ever want to come on Ear Biscuits and Please! either reinforce or

confirm or deny this particular theory, we'll have you on and we'll invite you guys back. Yes. We'll behave ourselves. I would panic and die. She might cry,

but it'll be fine. She cried five minutes into Homeward Bound, I'd like to point out, which it was beautiful. Did you guys recently watch that together? Yes, we did. It's on Netflix.

Oh, wow. Is that an animal movie? Do animals talk in that? Yes, they do. It's like two dogs and a cat. Two dogs and a cat getting home. It's like Sally Field and Michael J. Fox and then some old guy.

Chance the dog looks like my dog and it's too much for me. Chance the rapper's in it? No. You got any conspiracies about Homeward Bound? Yeah, they used a bunch of different cats because when we were watching... I'm not kidding. I don't think that's a conspiracy.

I think that's standard practice for animal movement. My conspiracy is... Yeah, they used multiple cats. Hold on. Well, but their budget might not have been great because one of them is like wicked cross-eyed and they cut to it and this cat is just looking straight at the camera with both eyes pointing in and none of the other ones have that. It's tough to get animals to cooperate.

Or look in one direction. Yeah. Stop looking at your nose, cat. It can't. My conspiracy is that all the animals they used to film Homeward Bound are still alive because I just want it to be true. No, they're all very dead. What if they're not, though?

They're so dead, Ellie. What a nightmare making that movie. Yeah, that's what we kept saying the whole time. I was like, the production nightmare of this. Anyway, Keanu Reeves, see John Wick 2, he's immortal. He also, here's one last quote. He was interviewed by his motorcycle hobby, which

you know, and he was asked if his immortality factored into his riding style of motorcycles and he answers, well, you know, it does actually. So he confirmed it himself. I don't understand. What do you mean he was interviewed by his motorcycle? About his motorcycle hobby. Oh.

By Esquire. By Esquire. Okay. And they threw the immortal theory at him just like that. Yeah, so they showed him the immortal thing and then later they asked him about his if it acted into his motorcycle. That is the way to play it. Don't deny it. Just embrace it. Yeah, just be cool. It is funny how it seems now that in all of his

interviews now they're asking him about his immortality which is kind of funny. Yeah. I bet that gets old. Yeah, that'd be a bummer. Forever. He must be pretty used to it. Okay. This has been intriguing.

Yeah, you've got me thinking. I'm gonna be thinking about this every time I see Keanu in a movie. Well, think about Kelsey Lohan, too. Let's not forget the twin that died. Well, and Lindsay. Every time I see her, I'm not gonna see her in any more movies.

May she who never existed rest in peace. She existed. Well guys, thanks for coming in. Thanks for having us. Anytime. All right. At the very end, I almost sharted. Like literally 30 seconds ago.

I was like, all of a sudden, it was like whoop! Oh no! Everything tightened up. Go, go! I'm gonna have to make a, Go! You should do that. I'm gonna, all of a sudden it was like whoop! Oh no! Go, go! I'm gonna have to make a... Go! You should do that. I'm gonna have to make a pit stop.

You should do that. And there you have it, we are conspiracy-theoried up thanks to Lizzie and Ellie. Yes. And when that conversation wrapped up, I just got back from darting to the restroom. Darting? I did not, yeah.

That's not what I call it. I darted so I didn't sharted. It was one or the other. And I didn't get to tell them goodbye. It's okay, I took care of it. I mean I'll see them, I see them every day because they work here. Yes, an interesting point that Lizzie made

as she was exiting, she pulled up the Seventeen article that she had read and there is a Seventeen article that definitively says that the girl who played the twin or the girl who played the stand-in is seven years older than Lindsay Lohan and she thinks that the Wikipedia entry has been edited because it's so easy to edit Wiki. So the conspiracy deepens.

I mean, so it was some point, at one point, Seventeen Magazine was part of this because they thought that she was seven years old. I actually got a little lost because I didn't understand why her being seven years old mattered because she was just a stand-in. Because that would mean that the stand-in photos were doctored because if the girl is seven years old mattered because she was just a stand-in. Because that would mean that the stand-in photos were doctored because if the girl is seven years older

than her in real life, then those photos could never exist. Instead, it was actually her twin, Kelsey, who was in those photos originally and then was taken out. If I would've understood that at the time, instead of thinking about my bowels in that moment, I got lost. I could tell you were distracted. Then I would've been, well, yeah, what can I do?

Then I would have been convinced, so. Okay, well. Better late than never. It's that easy. I hope you're convinced to continue to ear biscuit with us. Let us know what you think using hashtag ear biscuits everywhere hashtags are found. Leaving a comment on YouTube, a review on iTunes,

or anywhere else that you're able to comment. It's all helpful. It all helps. It's good stuff for us. Continue to share the biscuits with friends, loved ones, enemies, send one to your ex. I would kill. Send your biscuit to your ex. I'd kill for a real biscuit right now.

Oh man, like butter and honey on a biscuit. That's the worst thing you could do right now is think about food and talk about food. Peanut butter on a biscuit. Pretend that it doesn't exist. Bacon and egg on a biscuit, you know. So unhealthy right now. Like take cinnamon rolls, cut them in half

and put scrambled eggs and sausage inside. That's what I'll do sometimes, man. That's what you'll do tomorrow when you get done with your episode. But this episode's over. It is, isn't it? Yeah.