Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Ep. 65 Anna Akana - Ear Biscuits

Episode Date: April 17, 2015

Vlogger, Comedian, Actress, and Director, Anna Akana, joins Rhett & Link this week to discuss the very emotional story of her sister’s suicide in 2007 and the impact it has on how she lives her everyday life, what her experience was like dating Equals Three creator and one-time YouTube chart topper, Ray William Johnson, and the effect his fame had on their relationship, and why she chose to break her vow to be single for a year. *NOTE: This conversation contains adult themes and language. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. Joining us today at the round table of dim lighting is YouTuber, vlogger, filmmaker, producer, actress, and comedian, Anna Akana. Anna's a jack of all trades content creator. She writes, directs, and stars in her productions,

which are some of the highest quality produced videos on YouTube. The special effects in her short films are impressive, and stars in her productions, which are some of the highest quality produced videos on YouTube. The special effects in her short films are impressive, and the costumes look like something you'd see on a sci-fi channel series. Hello! Just take a look at the short films like Miss Earth, Here She Is, and of course,

one of the most popular web series out there, Riley Rewind, which she both wrote and starred in. She also has made a name for herself with her polished comedic vlogs on her channel that are one of the coolest combinations of vlogging and sketch comedy that we've seen. Here's a clip from one called Types of Toxic Friends. We've all had or been toxic friends

at one point or another in our lives, but sometimes it takes you a while to recognize who they are or when you're being one. There's the copycat. Do you like my new outfit? I mean, I guess it looks a little bit like yours. It's exactly the same. Are you copying me?

Are you copying me? The negative Nancy. I can't believe I got that promotion. So much extra responsibility. So much stress. The social climber. I heard you're like friends with like a famous person. Can we be friends? I like jogging too. Hi. If you have a toxic friend in your life and talking things out

just isn't going to work, then break it off. Pull the plug. Nothing healthy is going to come from that relationship. Do it right now. Do it right now. I'll do it right now. Anne is also known for her involvement in the suicide prevention community due to the very unfortunate loss of her sister in 2007. She really opened up about it in her emotional YouTube video called "'Please Don't Kill Yourself' in 2013." She received a lot of positive feedback from the video and quickly became an inspiring voice

for suicide prevention. Here's a clip. I've been pretty open about the fact that my sister committed suicide in 2007. And I've been getting open about the fact that my sister committed suicide in 2007. And I've been getting a lot of questions from people on the internet of like, I want to kill myself, what should I do? If you commit suicide, I don't even know, like I don't even know what would happen to you. All I really know is what happens

to the people around you after you die. I think it'll be really, really hard for your family to live normally for a long time. We appreciated Anna's willingness to talk candidly in this biscuit about her sister suicide and how it made her who she is today. Her past relationship with Ray William Johnson and what it's like to be one half of a YouTube power couple,

her vow to be single for a year and how that really didn't pan out and the many creative projects that she's juggling right now. We know you're gonna enjoy our conversation with Anna. But first we wanna mention our sponsor, EF College Break. EF College what? EF College Break, they make travel easy, affordable,

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The first time we met, maybe the last time we saw each other. Yes. Because when you showed up just a few minutes ago, you mentioned it as if the last time we saw each other, and I was thinking it's the first time. Julian Smith's birthday party. Pool party.

Yeah. Small private party. You and Ray were there. This was three. It was over a year ago. No, it might've been. It wasn't three, it was probably, I'd say two. Two years ago.

I'd say two. Two years ago. And first thing you said to us was, I love your Star Trek middle school musical, which just came out. It had been out less than a week and it wasn't doing well. It wasn't one of our,

it never became one of our more popular middle school musicals. We did Breaking Bad after that which was a lot more successful. So I was kind of disappointed but I immediately liked you as a person. I liked you as a creator because I knew some of your work.

But I was like, oh, compliment right off the bat. It's easy to like people who like you. And if you like my stuff, especially stuff that people aren't liking, I'm like, oh, she's great. That Anna has always been great because you pushed the right button on that one. Even if you weren't even being sincere.

No, I totally was. Which now you can tell me. I love that you guys make so much high quality, legit production value stuff. I really appreciate and admire that. And plus Star Trek, was that your jam or something? No, I didn't even like Star Trek, but I watched it

and I was like, now I get the appeal of Star Trek and it's like more entertaining because kids are singing to me. Oh, really? Yeah. Interesting that you, okay, so you're obviously into sci-fi and stuff because you like to put people into costumes that look

like they're from Star Wars. So, are you a Star Wars girl? I vaguely like Star Wars. That was all like a little bit before my time so I'm more into like dystopian YA novels and that whole jam. Got it. Yeah. Dystopia what? Dystopian young adult. Oh, YA novels. Yes, YA novels and that whole jam. Got it. Yeah. Dystopia what? Dystopian young adult.

Oh, YA novels. Yes, YA novels. Okay. The YA novels. I don't even know what the word dystopia means. Yeah, you do. It's the Armageddon, man. It's, you know, when things- The antithesis of utopia.

When things hit the fan, man. Oh, well then I do know what it is. I just didn't know that's what that meant. Well, welcome to 2015, right? Listen, this then I do know what it is, I just didn't know that's what that meant. Well, welcome to 2015, right? Listen, I'm setting the stage to be totally open and honest here, and if anyone doesn't know what any words mean besides me, feel free at any point to say that.

But so dystopian YA novels, what do these do to the psyche? Why does it resonate with you? I like speculative fiction. I like imagining what the future is going to be like, what kind of class systems we have, what our monetary systems are like. And with YA novels in particular,

you get that really cute love story with it. So I'm like, ooh, yay, sci-fi and a boy. Are you hopeful about the future, or do you think we are going to be in a dystopian future? I think it'll be kind of the same as now where there's a lot of

**** happening but it's still a pretty nice place to live. Are you a prepper? No. I should be. You're not prepared. So you're a prep prepper.

I'm not prepped for the earthquakes. But you're prepping to prep? Yeah. I like mentally tell myself oh I should get more water. Like Oprah is apparently busing in water because of the drought. I was like, I should do that.

You need water. Yeah. We all need water. No, what you need is a friend who is a prepper or an aspiring prepper. And then he'll buy stuff for you. I do have a friend who's a prepper. He built this property out in the desert and has like guns and like water and so. Really? Yeah.

And I said he because I was referring to Rhett. Oh. But you have a he too. It could have been a she. Yeah, I have a he. What's his first name? His, I don't wanna say. You don't even wanna say his first name? I don't wanna say his first name.

I already said. Can you give us the address of that desert compound? No. Because we'll be there as soon as the big one hits. Why can't you say his first name? Because he might listen to this. Because he's a prepper? He might listen to this. Say a name that's not his first name and we'll talk to him as if he's that guy can't you say his first name? Because he might listen to this. He might listen to this.

Say a name that's not his first name and we'll talk to him as if he's that guy. We'll say his name is Ben. Okay, Ben is out in the desert. He's got guns, he's got water. Wow, I gotta get to know this Ben. It's so prepper to not even give out your real name. I love it.

Like that's perfect. He probably doesn't even give you his real name. Well, he's a known figure, so I don't wanna. Oh, we're getting closer now. Does he live in the compound or does he just has it? No, he just bought it. Oh, it's a bug out location. Yeah.

So he's an actor. No, but in the industry, yes. Okay, we're getting closer. See, you don't dangle stuff like this for me on a near biscuit, because I cannot let it go. First of all, Link's gonna be at my house, okay? I mean, that's what's gonna happen with him and I'm probably gonna be at my bug out location

that he doesn't know about. You know, I'm gonna bug out to my location and Link's gonna be at my home. With the stuff that you left. No way I'm staying in the valley in the middle of a tragedy. No, the city would be the worst place to be. Oh, gotta get out.

Have you seen Not Ben's bunker? I have not. I just know that it was purchased and where it is. Oh, man. Is he a conspiracy theorist or is he just... He's a little mentally unstable. He's a director. Maybe.

Yep. Mentally unstable equals director, I think. Yeah, equals anyone in this business. Okay, but it's interesting that you know about it. That means that you're invited. I am, I am invited to the bunker should things ever go down. That's a, you know what?

You're way ahead of me. Did the invitation come with like, you take it out and it's like, what is this like little vellum piece of paper that doesn't have anything written on it? You have to pee on it and then you see what's written. No, it's all verbal. Nothing can be recorded or written down.

Except on our podcast. So we met that day and we haven't seen each other since, but I mean, I've seen your work, I feel like I've gotten to know you more since that point. I just wonder why our paths haven't crossed since then. It seems weird that our first meeting was our last over two years ago. I don't hang out with a lot of people who do stuff online.

Like I don't even know how to meet those people because everyone's always like in their studio or in their homes. Like I'll see people in passing at VidCon, but that's about it. Yeah, we keep our head down. You know, everybody's got their stuff to do. You're super busy.

I mean, you've got so many different things you're doing. And I mean, we're gonna get into many of those over the course of this conversation, but of all the things, and I saw, like you gave a glimpse of your calendar in like a recent vlog, it was all color coded. You got some OCD happening? I like, a little bit of, what is it called, synesthesia,

where like I associate colors with like numbers or specific ideas. Link doesn't know what dystopia means, so he's not gonna know what that means, because I don't know what that means. Yeah. Actually, I didn't know everything about that. So there you go.

But you know, your calendar is like so full of stuff going from this pilot audition to recording the podcast. I tried to pause it to see if we were on there. Like if I could look that close to your calendar, but it felt stalkerish, so I stopped. But what are you, I mean, what are you most excited about at this point with so many things you're juggling? I'm excited to make a movie.

I want to make a movie this year. I want to... So it's not even something that... Are you writing it? No. Or it's just aspirational? It's like the next thing. It's the next thing.

It's something that my former assistant wrote called Wedding Wreckers. And it's very funny two female uh comedians are the stars and it's very sharp very rated r and so i told her i wanted to produce that so right now i'm in legal with like optioning it and going out for financing and developing is that uh one of the reasons that you've been on the short film kick lately like like trying to, you know, you're doing a different thing on YouTube. You're doing something that not a lot of people are doing. You're making short films, like actual short films.

Is that in preparation for like, oh, I'm going to do a feature? Yeah, I wanted to do a feature I'd say three years ago, but I was like, I'm nowhere near ready for that. So I'll make as many short films as I can until that feature comes out. And we're talking as a director and talent, or not just as an actor.

I've directed all of them, yeah. But the film, you're going to direct the film. No. For my first film, I want to act, and learning from the short films, directing and acting are completely different sides of the brain, and I'm much more geared towards being OCD and analytical and very much in that space.

So if I do direct, my acting suffers, if I'm doing both at the same time. Got it. So tell us about the short film commitment that you kind of made either to yourself or to your audience. There was like a number involved, right? Yeah. In the beginning of 2014, I said I was going to do 12. So I was aiming for one a month. And I was like, I don't know how realistic that is because I've never made a short film and I only did six for the

whole year but I also went through like a big breakup and like moving and so that sent me about like two three months behind and so this year I'm working on another one but I told my audience I'm going to take my time with this one because last time it would be like pre-production for one while I'm also editing the second one while I'm also you know in development for the third one so everything was happening at the same time and so I'd like to see what I can do if I really take my time with something that's maybe 20 to 30 minutes long. Well and then you did is the most recent one Miss Earth is that the last big short film and that one was over 13 minutes long that was was a, and it had a lot going on.

Yeah. I mean, that was a pretty major endeavor. Yeah, that was the most stressful experience of my life so far. Yeah. Directing, acting, producing. I lost some friends over it. I invested my life savings into it. It was a very good learning experience.

Oh, lost some friends. Yeah. Tell us about that. Whose fault was that? learning experience. Oh, awesome friends. Yeah.

Tell us about that. What did, whose fault was that? I think it was just miscommunication and like, like expectation set. Like I'm very paranoid about treating crew really well and like paying the day of. And I almost have this tendency like as a, you know,

just as a female and also like someone who's always eager to please like going around and making sure everyone's okay. And I'd worked with the same crew the entire year. And so at this point, I was much more not like cold, but I wasn't as like serving to people and like checking in. And two of my best friends thought I was a quote unquote bitch. And I was like, well, I'm doing three jobs. And this is the biggest thing of my life so far. And it's my life savings and you're not doing your job. So I need to scold you about it. And that kind of led into a big fallout, so I had to learn a lot of lessons

about having friends on set and also being a boss and when to differentiate those two things. So they stayed on set and did their job, but they didn't remain friends. No. How did it end? It ended on the very last day in the very last 10 minutes of the shoot, yeah. Was there, were there emotional explosions involved?

Oh yeah, yeah, it was really bad. Like, did spit fly or tears fall or what? I cried on set a couple times during it, but in that last 10 minutes, yeah, it was me and my former DP screaming at each other and I was like, this conversation's over. Like, we're trying to wrap and get out of the studio. I, we're not talking about this anymore.

You were like, it's a wrap! People love it when everyone's waiting for the director to call, it's a wrap. Yeah. And you're like, this is a bad time. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Wow, I'm sorry. And everyone is standing around made up like aliens all watching this happen?

No, no. That's got to be a little weird. Yeah, it was very awkward. It was a very awkward time in my life. So what else did you, you said you learned some things too. So what'd you learn? Yeah, I learned that, you know, ultimately it's about the project. And a lot of the times I want to cultivate a really good work environment and I want to serve people in the sense of making sure everyone's comfortable and taken care of. But I also have to make sure I'm taking care of myself and I'm taking care of my project because it's all self-financed. And so I learned a lot about being a boss.

People. So no one that's listening now is ever going to work for you because it's all about the product. You totally switched. No, I didn't switch completely, but I have to know what to put first, you know? Like, and I had a really good convo with my dad where he was like, never change the way you work because I think it's great that you try so hard to make it the best for everyone.

And I've done, like I've done grip and I've done sound and I've tried to do camera op and like do every job on a set so that I know how to make that person's job easier and like know how to be a better director. But at the same time, I'm always like, oh, am I being a bitch or like, is this unreasonable? And I think I need to stop that more often before it gets out of hand. Are you a perfectionist? I used to be not so much anymore.

Now it's like just do the best you can do the best you can. You mentioned your dad. Yeah. We wanna find out about your people, your family, where you're from. Where were you born? Monterey, California. And then I moved every two to three years

of my life till today. I also moved. Is this a military scenario? Yeah. My dad's Marine Corps. Okay. Marine Corps. So like major dad, the old television show? I don't know. I'm Gerald McCraney and I'm your dad

and I come home and, well isn't this gonna be a funny sitcom because I'm a drill sergeant. Does your dad have just a mustache? No. A flat top. He's got a beard. He had a beard most of the time.

A flat top? I don't know what a flat top is. Oh, really? The marine haircut where the hair goes up and then it's just flat. Oh no, I've never heard it called that. I used to have one in middle school, yeah. Wow, that's sad.

Oh, it was awesome. When you get a flat top at the barber, they give you a special brush to take home. What? Yeah, because- A commemorative brush. Right at the top where it hits the top of your scalp, it's standing up.

It's that tall. But in order to be flat, it's got to be a little bit taller on the sides as it goes out. And so they give you this brush to take and go over the corners to keep it up. Rudolph Blanchard gave me that. Any haircut that needs a special brush, you just shouldn't get. Well, I don't keep it up. Rudolph Blanchard gave me that. Any haircut that needs a special brush,

you just shouldn't get. Well, I don't have it anymore. So you moved around a lot as a kid. You said every few months? Every few years. Every few years, okay. That's a little better. Yeah, it was a bummer.

So Monterey, where else? I've lived in Japan, Hawaii, Korea, over 13 states. Wow. Yeah, I grew up in the south. No, I grew up, but like I had a North Carolina accent for like a long time. Really? Yeah.

Okay, so. That's what we have. Oh yeah? Yeah. Where are you guys from? North Carolina. Are you? Yes.

Shut up. I thought you were saying that because you're like, No, I didn't know. As a point of reference, but yeah, North Carolina. So you had a North Carolina accent? Yeah. Explain that. I grew up and when I was learning how to talk, I was in North Carolina.

What part, Fayville? Cherry Point, it's a base. Cherry Point, okay, I also had a Jacksonville. Yeah, so it was interesting to be like this little Asian person with an accent. Well, that part of North Carolina is pretty distinct. That's Eastern North Carolina. Yeah.

In fact, interesting is you mentioned that because I won't mention names, but somebody that we know, his sister who grew up in California just moved to Cherry Point. Oh, really? With her military husband. And I was asking him, how are they?

Because they moved from San Clemente, awesome beach town, California, and I know what Cherry Point is like. So how they doing? And he was like, she cries every day. Aww. You know, it's, I mean, nothing against North Carolina. Sorry if you're in Cherry Point right now listening to this, but.

No, it's just different. You go from this, you know, amazing beach town to a military town in eastern North Carolina, that's not easy. I would never want to leave LA. Did that lifestyle growing up, did that prove to be challenging for you? I have habits that I shouldn't have.

I mirror people a lot. If I want to fit in or I want people to like me, I just mirror their body language and their speech. I do it a lot really subconsciously or I'll like chameleon my personality to kind of match theirs or be complimentary uh so it's it's had a lot of identity issues growing up of like wait what am I really like if I'm not influenced by people I'm around did you experience any racism in the south yeah yeah I remember I moved and someone was like, go back to China, chink. And I was like,

I was born here. So it was weird. So you didn't have a volatile response to that. You just tried to explain yourself. Yeah, I mean, I always felt white inside. I didn't really realize

I was a minority until much, much later in life. So that was like, oh, oh, that's weird. Right. Yeah. Felt white inside. So when was the realization? Probably like when I was like, oh, oh, that's weird. Right. Felt white inside. So when was the realization?

Probably like when I was eight and me and my friends were playing like Spice Girl Dress Up and like I wasn't allowed to be in any of the Spice Girls. So I was like, oh, that's, oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Right, because it wasn't, there was no Asian girl. There was no Asian one. I never thought about that. I knew something was missing.

And where's your mom from? My mom's from the Philippines. Okay, and was she, did they meet in the Philippines? So this was her first time in the US when she came with your dad? Yeah, her and my dad dated long distance for like two years and they moved her out here and they got married and she was pregnant with me.

And so did you, what was your, I know a lot of times the friends, your friends can, especially in the South, I've noticed this, if your mom is different, then your friends will ask questions and they kind of see that, oh, your mom talks different. Your mom cooks food differently or whatever. Did you experience any of that? No, my mom's always been like very much the life of the party. So people like her quite a bit when they meet her and they're never like off-put. She'll just be like, yeah, I've eaten dog before. And people are like, what? That's crazy.

Have you? I have not. I have not eaten dog. She didn't bring that dish? No, that was only when she was dirt poor and apparently like their family was starving. Oh wow, well. Yeah.

Then I can understand it. Yeah. I know that part of your story is just the harrowing experience of your sister passing away. So I wanted to talk about that. How many siblings do you have? I have a brother.

He's younger. Younger too. We're each like two, three years apart. Okay. Yeah. So he was next and then your sister was the youngest of three? Yes. Okay.

Tell us about that. Well, it was, she was, I always think she was bipolar or had some kind of mood disorder she was very manic depressive but i also don't know if that's just because she was like a 13 year old girl going through puberty uh but she committed suicide in like 2007 right around the time all the cyber bullying was kind of happening she got threatened by a bunch of guys at her school that they were going to beat her up. And so she brought a BB gun to protect herself because she had told her teacher

and her teacher didn't say anything. And this is before all those suicides started happening. So bullying wasn't something really on our social radar. And she got expelled from school for bringing that BB gun and kind of spiraled into this depression and eventually killed herself. How close were you? We were pretty close.

I mean, we would fight as much as we would be friends. Just like sisters. Which is typical sisters. That's what you gotta do. There's almost like something you sign to say, yes, I will be a good sister. Yeah. Meaning we will fight.

So I get that. I mean, do you remember finding out like how you found out yeah it was uh valentine's day and she had fought with like every member of our family and then had come to me and we fought it was so weird because like the last thing i ever said to her was like i hate you like go away and then uh i went to the park with my boyfriend at the time to like surprise him with a picnic and then there were like fire trucks and like ambulances going by at one point. And like we didn't think anything of it. But then I got like this really like weird feeling. And it's the only time I've been like, maybe I'm psychic because inexplicably I was just like, we have to

go. There's something really wrong. We have to go. And so we packed up the picnic. And my brother called me while we were packing up and he was like, what am I about to say is going to change your life forever? Christina tried to kill herself. And so we got home and paramedics were like leading her out. And I remember they were like joking about something and like laughing. What did she do? Oh, she hung herself in the closet with like one of her scarves.

Yeah. And my brother had only found out because she was playing the same song on repeat, like at the loudest volume ever in her room. And so finally he came in to be like, can you please shut that off?

And then he couldn't find her and then he found her in the closet. So it's always been like, oh man, like my brother definitely had the hardest job being the one to find her. But she had been dead,

I guess, for something like 15 minutes, so they couldn't bring her back. And even if they could, they said she would have suffered intense brain damage. So as you showed up, as they were wheeling her out, Yeah. And at that time you didn't know whether it was, it was she had actually died,

because you said, your brother said she attempted it. Yes. Yeah, we all kind of thought it would be okay because they put uh like the breathing masks over her so i thought she was going to be okay but my dad knew based on like trying to give her cpr and like her lock jaw and stuff that like she was there was no chance well yeah i appreciate your candor and just being able to share this with us. And I know that you've chosen places to bring it up. And you've vlogged about it extensively in your Please Don't Kill Yourself video that you made. And even as, you know, it was extremely powerful to see you be that vulnerable in that video and to honestly process,

even in kind of a meta way, the fact that you were making the video. And I found it to be extremely powerful and honest that you not only were talking about it, but you were talking about talking about it because there's so many questions associated with presenting this to your audience or to the internet at large as it was uploading, I found myself reading the description

that evidently you were writing as the video was uploading where you seem to still be processing, like journaling just stream of consciousness with the vlog as it was uploading, wrestling with how people might perceive you speaking about it. And then I keep reading down and you read the comments and it's extremely powerful and effective

in getting people to pause and to think about it. At no point is it easy to talk about. And I even feel, I appreciate your candor here, but it's even getting you to talk about it now, getting you to go back to a place where you've all, that has to be so painful that you've gone on record that, I find myself having

the same dialogue that I think you had when you vlogged the thing. Should we even talk about this? Should I bring this up? Is it to benefit anyone? So I guess I just summarize and resonate with your struggle. So how much of that defines who you are as a person and as a person who vlogs, a communicator, a creator? Oh God, like 100%.

Like that moment is my before and after. Like before my sister committed suicide, I could not talk to people i was so shy like if i had to use the bathroom someplace i would like whisper to my brother my sister like please find out where the bathroom is and like i'd always wanted to perform but it was like crippling i was like i'll never do that i'll never be able to be that kind of person and christina was the complete opposite she was fearless Like I love this story that like in middle school, every year she would go in the talent show with her friends

and she would choreograph a dance and every year everyone would bail. And so she would go up on the stage and do that whole choreographed dance by herself. And at a certain point, it was just like, who the f*** are these friends of yours? But like how fearless and like brave of you to do. And so after she died,

I'd say like maybe two or three years after that, like I really realized like there's no point in really being afraid because death was finally something that I felt like I really understood in that sense of like, we really don't know what's after this. So I might as well try to make this

the best that it can be for me. And it feels like kind of cliche of like yeah death gave me perspective and now I'm going to be a comedian um but ultimately I think it's the best and the worst thing that's ever happened in my life was there ever a sense that because she Christina you said was her name yes a, she was a performer and she was fearless that now that she was gone, it was kind of your job to sort of take that up. Was there a sense of that?

Well, all three of us had always wanted to be performers since we were young. It was like a very common thing like we shared and so we'd like perform for each other with each other. But definitely when she died, it was this pressure of like, oh, I have to do it for the both of us now um and i think she would she would be happy with it you know like i've finally just started to do stand-up about it um it's taken me seven years but i'm like okay how can i try to

make this funny like that's the ultimate part because i couldn't i could not laugh about it for the longest time and anytime someone said in the conversation like oh if i had to sit in traffic for one more hour i I'd kill myself. It would set me off, or hearing people, the way we use suicide in common language. But now I'm okay, and now I can crack jokes about it, and that's what I feel like has been the most healing. Was there guilt that you had to deal with?

Oh yeah. Well, I was the last one to talk to her, and I was like, I hate you, go away forever. So therapy really helped. In your vlog, you say everywhere you turn, it's there. Meaning the fact that she took her own life. You said, I'm a different person. I don't know if it's for the better or for the worse.

And I mean, these are not, this is obviously from the heart. You're just kind of processing this thing. Do you know if it's for the better or the worse? Is it? I don't, but I try to consciously make it for the better. How are you a different person? I'm a different in the sense that I'm no longer afraid of a lot of the stuff that I used to

be afraid of. I go after what I want more. I kind of try to take everything that I have and make it work for me. And yeah, it does kind of, it's like the filter through which a lot of my decisions are made. And do you remember how your, how did it change everybody else? How did it change your parents?

How did it change your brother and your relationship with them? And we've never been like a close-knit family. Like dinner would be ready and we'd all get our dinner and go to our rooms. Like my parents are are very hardcore gamers so they would always be in front of the computer Sega Genesis or whatever and me and my brother would be off on our own space and so after she died that kind of exacerbated it brought us together briefly but then we all kind of like went to go process our grief on our own and now it's now it's much different I'm able to

be like completely honest with my parents without the fear of judgment or without the fear that they'll get angry with me. And I mean, I dropped out of college, even though they didn't want me to, and moved out here, despite their protests. And even though they were like, well, are you sure you don't want to go to college and get a degree? And they were still happy with my decision. And so my parents used to be very typical Asian parents, like uptight and get an education and get a good job. But after this happened, they sort of realized, like, no, we just want you to be happy.

Like, we realize that there's a lot of stuff that we've been doing wrong. And so we just want you guys to go do what you want, and we will support you and be supportive of that. So do you remember the first thing that, as you were processing, you said it took two or three years. Yeah. It seems like it led you to,

that change that occurred within you is what led you to where you're at right now. So do you remember the first sort of application of that change? Like I'm going to go and perform in this way or? Yeah, I, it was like, I think two years after she died, I was watching a Comedy Central special and it was the first time I had laughed in those two years.

And so I was like, I'm gonna go do standup. And so I pursued standup from like 19 to 22. What was the special? Do you remember the comic? It was just a compilation. It was like Gabriel Iglesias and Margaret Cho and they had some Mitch Hedberg up in there. It was just, I watched it, I think for a couple hours and I just, I fell in love with how much I was laughing. So I was like,

I want to do that. I can do that. And where were you living at the time? Temecula, California. Okay. Very boring. Very small. So what did you do specifically? I started writing jokes in a notebook and recalling everything funny that I thought had ever happened in my life. And then I booked a show. My first time I went up, I had eight minutes. It was very weird. Because normally you'll do an open mic when you start out with like three minutes. But I had an eight minute set and all my friends came out and my parents came out. And the first time they saw me do stand up was when they really started to get it. And we're like, oh, no, go ahead, leave college. You do you.

Yeah, so that was the first time. Because you said, I'm leaving college to do comedy before you had ever done one standup gig. Yeah. Okay, so self-fulfilling prophecy here. Your parents bought in and that's when you just moved. Did you move with anybody? Just you and your awesome? A high school friend.

A high school friend and I moved in together with my three cats. We lived in Marina Del Rey. And then what? I did comedy for a few years. Like stand-up comedy. Stand-up comedy. And then I started doing a bunch of web series.

And then I got a very crippling social anxiety. So I quit stand-up for like three years, but I went back in it. So what happened was there something that precipitated it specifically I don't know it was like the better my set got the more and more worried I was and I can't

really explain what it was it was just like this unexplainable angst of like knowing oh my god I'm gonna be on stage tomorrow like I should leave town I should tell them my grandma died and like cancel the show. And I think it was just like having never gone to therapy to like deal with all my, it was that building up. So it wasn't that you fell flat on your face in embarrassment.

It was within your mind? Yeah. And it was a little bit self-sabotaging. Like sometimes I would make decisions that would purposefully lead me down a dark road because of the guilt and like this feeling of like oh no I shouldn't be allowed to succeed so would you just you wouldn't show up at things or you just said I'm not booking things anymore I just completely stopped doing it so once my last show was up I like didn't book any more shows and I like didn't go to any more open mics and I just stopped for three years.

Yeah. And so what happened in those three years? Did you stay here? YouTube. Okay. Because I was like, I can be home alone. I don't have to be with anyone. I can just make videos in my house.

So. It's interesting because that the transition from, you know, sort of getting into stand up comedy and then moving to YouTube, that's happened several times, more than a few times. But usually it's people being in front of an audience in a Chinese restaurant or someplace where, why am I doing stand-up here?

And you're like, why am I doing this for 20 people when I could be doing it for 20,000 people on the internet? For you, interestingly, why am I doing this for 20 people when I could be doing it for 20,000 people on the internet? For you, interestingly, it was, I am intimidated by this and I have a social anxiety about this group of people that I'm seeing, so I'm gonna go on the internet where more people will see me but I'm more comfortable with my surroundings. I can deal with a troll, you know,

but I couldn't deal with a bunch of people smiling at me at a show. Right. So let's come back to YouTube, but let's skip ahead to going back on stage for the first time three years later. Yeah. What was that like? I'd been wanting to do stand up again for a year or so. I like had the itch and I was like, I think because I ran away from that, I should go back to it and I should confront it.

And I started writing again. So I wrote a bunch of suicide jokes. And it's taken me a lot of open mics to figure out where the punchlines are. And it's still a little bit wonky because people don't know that it's okay to laugh. It takes them three or four jokes in to be like, okay, I'm allowed to laugh with you with this.

But it's been great. It's funny because now I'm like, I made a video that 100,000 people saw this morning. Like this bar full of four people's nothing. And so it's been fun to go from a two hour line of people wanting to take a picture to going to a bar and drinking alone till it's my turn to go on stage.

Do you get backlash for the suicide jokes? I mean, do you mention your story specifically? Or is it just isolated from that you're talking about? It's very personal. With stand-up, the more personal it is, somehow the more relatable it is. But do you get blowback at that point? Not from the audience.

How could you exploit that experience for laughs? Yeah, I've heard that online, but I've created jokes to address it. And also, it's like this weird thing of like, no, you should feel worse about the terrible thing that happened. You shouldn't get over this. Stop making light of this tragic event. So I don't take it personally.

I'm like, if you can't see what I'm doing on stage, that's your own problem with your own life. But no one has confronted you face to face. Correct. About it. Correct. Find that interesting in a good way. Well, I find it fascinating that it fits the profile of a troll that. Yeah. And maybe there's a there's actual. When you're there in the room, it conveys in such a way that people get it. Yeah, and it's slowly but surely the more confident you get in your jokes.

I'm sure if you pass around papers, someone will still say something like a jerk, but if they don't have to sign their name to it, and pass it back on the front. It's no longer anonymous. I'm gonna pass around some little comet-shaped sheets of paper. You should try that.

I should. I should. They could send thumbs up or thumbs down to the stage. Okay, well, we can't talk about your YouTube without talking about Ray William Johnson. Okay. How do we talk about Ray? Just tell us how to approach this.

You tell us how we talk about that. You can tell, if I can't say anything, I won't say anything, you know? But I'm open to talking about it. Start at the beginning. Ray and I met in 2012 at a showcase. And I think I'd met him once before that. I was like a hoe on breaking for like one of my friends was like, I need someone just to be in a pretty dress and come down and do this for like an hour.

So I did it for her. And then we later met and then we started dating. And I think like three months later, just to be in a pretty dress and come down and do this for like an hour. So I did it for her. And then we later met and then we started dating. And I think like three months later, we like moved in together. So when you say showcase, you met at a showcase. This is a standup. It's a sketch. It was a sketch showcase for CBS.

Okay. For them to be like, we're not racist. Look at all these people of color on our stage. Yeah. Yeah. And he was just in the audience? No. Or was he in it?

The VP of casting, Fern Orenstein, invited him because her sons were fans of him. And so she watched him and she was like, oh, this kid's really funny. So she brought him into the showcase versus like the rest of us were like auditioning to try to get into the showcase. He was an invitation. Gotcha. But he performed? Yes.

In one of the sketches? Oh, several of them, yeah. We were all in like several different ones. So what was your first interaction with him? Did you know him from Equals 3? No, not really. I wasn't savvy to the internet and I'd like only ever seen my episode of Breaking.

So I was like, I don't understand what this is. Like I didn't realize it was a vlog versus like a show or anything like that because I was merely at the time putting stuff up on YouTube I wasn't I didn't know it was a full-time job I didn't know there were vloggers I didn't know there were sketch teams on it and so we kind of got together and my sketch group fell apart and he was like you should keep making videos under your own name just learn how to clone yourself and like keep making sketches and so that's kind of what I started doing. So you were on,

you started your channel because he encouraged you to do it, but you weren't on his channel for a while. But you met in three months, you started dating immediately and three months later, you guys were like real serious, living together.

Yeah. Starting to show up in Instagrams. Yeah. Those type of things. We started working together much later because he was very tentative about working with the partner and doing stuff with someone you're romantically involved with. How would you describe Ray's reputation publicly?

What people think of Ray? And then what's right and what's wrong about that? Dispel some myths. Ray's reputation publicly, like what people think of Ray, and then what's right and what's wrong about that. Dispel some myths. I have the opposite. So I knew him personally before I ever saw Equals 3. And so Ray in person was always like a very serious and like somber and like hardworking and like quiet man. And then I saw his persona on Equals 3

and I was just like laughing so hard because I was like you seem like such a dick on this show and that's not you at all and my parents actually didn't want me to date him because that's all they had seen of him and it wasn't until they met him in person that they were like oh we get it this is like kind of like a persona or a character so a lot of the times like it was weird to have to tell people, like, he's playing a character, you know that, right? Because he's so convincing

and I always told him, I was like, you have an a** face, you just have that face that people are like, mmm, you look like a a**. So,

it kind of like, helped that persona but it sucked for him because people would think he was like that. Did you feel like you had to clarify that?

Obviously, you had to clarify with your parents. you had to clarify it with your parents. Yeah. Did you have a little bit of a chip on your shoulder when it came to friends and people that found out you were dating him? Yeah. People who did not know him

and who only saw his content on the internet had an opinion of him. And I had to constantly be like, that is not who he is. He's a generous, hardworking, very kind person. That's a character. But it was also really interesting because a lot of my friends who thought that

were actors and did have characters. So it was like, why can't you get it? Right. Something lost in the genre, I guess, of a YouTube video. Right. The presentation is that this guy's being himself and he's just talking about videos.

So I could get that. It's a quick assumption, but I wouldn't say it's fair, but it's an easy assumption. Absolutely. And it might be a safe assumption given the breadth of like, I'll say vloggers. Yeah. When did you begin to experience internet hate?

Because I'm sure that came as soon as the very first time you appeared in anything publicly. Yeah, he was like, find your voice, make a video, however often you're gonna make a video. And then once I like kind of nailed what I felt like my thing was, he started promoting me. And yeah, people were just like oh you tell us um and it used to like really bug me and that's when i kind of got it because he used to like get upset about trolls or be like why do people like hate me so much you know which is a very natural thing to feel when you get a lot of hate on the internet and i would be like it doesn't matter they're not a part of your life don't let it get get to you. And then when it's at you, it's like, oh God, this is a totally different feeling.

It's so easy for me to say one thing, but feel the other. And so it's been a constant battle. But you were, so you were learning the ropes of this. And he was at the top of YouTube at the same time. Yeah. at the top of YouTube at the same time. Yeah. So you were there for, and he was very, but my impression was that he, you know, he had a tendency to isolate himself.

Like, I mean, he wasn't, you know, whenever you show up at YouTube events or like you'd never meet Ray. Yeah. Like he was an island, and still is. He had a fair amount of social anxiety. So crowds he didn't like to do, like any kind of social event,

he got very anxious about it. And it's something that he dealt with in his own way. But yeah, it was this weird, inaccessible thing. But also, primarily, I think he's a producer and an actor. And so he already experienced a lot of bias in the traditional world being like, oh, no, you're that guy in the Internet. You're that guy who does stuff in your bedroom and didn't want to perpetuate that. the lead in Riley Rewind, which was his first, correct me if I'm wrong, but the first foray on his channel into something that didn't feature him.

Yes. I mean, now you see he's basically not on there, he's not the face of his channel anymore. I think Riley Rewind was the first thing, right? Yeah. Which was certainly, I mean, that was a collaborative effort between you two? Initially, I wrote it for my channel because I was like, I want to do scripted.

Like at that point, I had kind of a significant following, but everyone didn't believe I was an actress or a standup comedian. And so I was like, oh, that makes sense. I have to put stuff on the internet that I want to be seen as. So I wrote it and he really liked it and was like, I'll produce this. I want to produce stuff and I'll direct it. And so that was our first real collaborative effort of bringing something narrative on YouTube. And how did you guys make the decision to put it on his channel?

Once he saw it and liked it, he was like, we'll put this on Equals 3? Yeah. Yeah. He sunk a lot of money into it and he was like, I want it to have the best possible chance of getting a lot of views and maybe we can sell it to television so we'll put it on my channel. And how was that process of collaborating? It was good. I mean, we had a lot of tough things happen on that shoot and a lot of like the budget was missing and like a lot of the people on board were like, what's happening? There's all these miscommunications.

But ultimately, we were really happy with how it turned out and then you you've you also collaborated in a number of different ways you guys did a podcast together and i mean you you know you became a youtube public power couple yeah yeah i mean i like working with the person i'm with it's just how especially in this industry when you're on set for like 12 hours a day, like why wouldn't I want to be with my partner on set for 12 hours a day? So it was something that I was always on board with and something that I kind of pushed ultimately. But I liked it. I mean, I don't have any regrets. So the collaborations that you were pushing that. Yeah. I mean, did you either A, feel like the first lady of YouTube because he's at number one or resent people treating you that way? It was a little bit of both.

It was great because any questions I had, he could answer and give really good business advice on. And so it was this nice relationship of being able to talk out stuff business wise but then again it would suck because i would have people come out of the woodwork who would like try to contact me to get through to me to get to him or we would go to places and people like push me out of the way to like get to him and so it was a little bit both um so were you behind the controversial tweets to like maker and stuff like that say here let me let me handle that for you no i encouraged it because a lot of stuff happened behind the scenes that never made it public publicly and um it was at a point where i was like you're going to get completely screwed um unless you do something so

i i did support that decision and why'd you guys break up um I think power dynamics. I mean, as you said, he was at the top of YouTube and I was at the bottom. And I feel like now that I'm at that kind of, I'm not at the top of it, but I'm at a place where I'm successful, I would be kind of weary of someone wanting to work with me and maybe question their motives or something like that. And I mean, he sustained me financially, helped me quit my waitressing job so that I could pursue stuff creatively and did a lot for me. But I think ultimately I was more like the Robin to his Batman than the Superman to his Batman. Are you guys still friends?

Well, we haven't talked. I mean, I. How did it end? Oh, it was kind of mutual. We both decided to just cut off all contact and go our separate ways. Yeah. And you, so no contact since. Yeah.

So that was just the agreement. The agreement wasn't, it wasn't, I hate you, I'm never talking to you again. It was like, this is how we're going to do this. We're going to do this in a way that we don't talk to each other anymore. Yeah, I mean, I was kind of like the girl about it and I would call him and then be like,

I don't want to do this anymore. Like, be my friend I was kind of like the girl about it and I would call him and then be like, I don't wanna do this anymore, like, be my friend. And then it was just like, no, to get over each other, like you have to go away. So that's how it's been. And shortly after that, well, I mean, basically when it happened, you were pretty public about the fact that you guys had broken up, you know, because people find out that kind of stuff anyway,

so you kind of owned up to it. And then he privated, like, you can't see the podcast where you guys were together. No, I mean, it's on iTunes. And I get that, you know, like, sometimes to get over someone, especially on the internet, because like, someone tweets me about him every day, or like, I see several comments. It's hard to get over someone if you're constantly reminded of them. Right. So I get that. if you're constantly reminded of them. Right.

So I get that. But you also made essentially a public vow. You were like, I'm going to be single for a year. And you talk about this in the, I'm sure you talked about it more than once, but I saw it in at least the Daniel Radcliffe video. Why'd you do it? I had a friend who did it,

and I thought it was really cool. And so I wanted to present the extremist side because I also knew I was going to do that Daniel Radcliffe video. So it was a strategic move of being like, I'm going to publicly announce this extremist point of view. And so I was like, I want to present both of those sides in different videos and then I want to have somewhere to meet in the middle with freaking Harry Potter. Did you literally have a ring? Yeah. Okay. Did your friend do that same thing too before? She didn't do the ring part.

The ring part was a joke, but she actually did be single. I didn't see that video. What's the ring? Because that's Lord of the Rings, not Harry Potter. I'm confused. No, I bought myself a wedding ring. I was like, I'm single for a year,

so I'm married to myself. Oh, of course. And did you notice that that worked in public? Like a guy would come up to you and he would see the ring and he would back off? Did it have its intended effect? No, not really. I mean, I didn't wear it for that long.

I would wear it for fun out in public to be like whatever, but no. But you didn't make it a year? No, I never intended to. Okay. Yeah, I was always like, I'll just go with the flow of whatever happens. And then you met Brad.

Yeah. How did that happen? Brad was the, he runs a couple of shows at Nerd Melt at Meltdown Comics. And he was the host for a show that me and my friend Megan Rosati, we do comedy songs together live. So we did a song there and they've been longtime friends. So that's how I was introduced to him. Okay. And, you know, it's interesting.

I was going to ask you this question. I'm still going to ask you the question. But then you specifically said something that kind of speaks to it. And talking about the reason you broke up with Ray being the power dynamics. And it's kind of reversed in this situation, right? When it comes to the public perception of you and your success, and then if you're just talking about YouTube independently, you know, Brad's getting his footing on YouTube.

He's doing a lot of stuff with you. He's Robin to your Batman. So what is, how's that dynamic different now that she's on the other foot? I think he does so much live comedy and that's kind of what I wanted to get more into when we had met. And so it was this great aspect of like him wanting

to do more video and me wanting to do more live comedy and I think I don't think of our power dynamics as uneven because he's such a good character actor who comes from like a groundlings background and is like so talented in that regard and very capable like I was surprised most men aren't very organized at least the ones that I've met and he's incredibly like organized and thoughtful in that sense I mean I am I more successful in terms of like online yes am I more financially stable yes but I also know how to avoid any kind of like weird power hijinks because of my previous relationship and so now if I'm like oh maybe we shouldn't do this because I don't want it to affect how I see you

or how equal we are in this partnership. Give us an example. Like, okay, like he has a web series and he wanted me to act in it. And I was like, well, am I going to be obligated? How obligated am I to promote this? And so, you know, because it is a thing. I mean, our promotion is kind of our power online.

And so he would be like, I don't expect you to promote it in any way whatsoever. And so I was like, cool. And so when going into... Why didn't you want to promote it? Explain that. I do, but I don't want to be cast because of that. And so I just, I like, now I'm on a binge of like, if anything comes up, just ask.

Just clarify. Just be as honest as possible and like express my worries or my concerns and that's been very beneficial and so anytime i feel like that's going to happen or like with the with we do a podcast as well explain things to me which is like educational sci-fi or science stuff and so i'd be like well what's our role in this like if i'm fronting all of the money to get it started how are you going to contribute are you doing all the editing are you doing all the editing? Are you doing all the producing?

And so we make sure going into everything that we feel like we're both equal. Equal. Yeah. And so what's the equality split? How do you divide that up for say the podcast? For the podcast, like I front all the money for it. He takes care of all of the DIT. He takes care of all of the DIT. He takes care of all the editing.

He also works in conjunction with my assistant to make sure everything is produced correctly. And so we both feel like we're contributing equally to this project. Unless it's something that we agree, oh, you're the boss on this one and I'll be the boss on the next one. And how much conflict is happening. Because you've made, in order to promote the podcast, you made a comedic vlog where you kind of, it was tongue in cheek, you were kind of a tyrant. Yeah. So you kind of hit it head on.

Yeah. The audience perception of, oh, she's working with her boyfriend again. Yeah. And she's, you were making fun of yourself of like being in charge. Yeah. I mean, that's just who I am as a person.

I'm always, not like bossy, but very assertive and very like, no, I want to do things. I want to do them right. So why is that not bossy? I don't know. You just don't like the word or you're really not bossy? I think the word bossy is so negative. I don't like the connotation of bossy because it's just feminism

yeah yeah so i don't know our main conflict comes from me being really grumpy and like brad having to bear the brunt of me being cranky but he's very calm and like chill and like no it's cool you're a human being i get it okay so so he uh he can he can take it. Yeah. He weathers the storms. Yes. It's like, you know, I'm fire and he's like sand. And you are, I mean, you're doing so many things now.

You know, the podcast, your channel, talking about a movie. You've got the- Pilot auditions. Yeah. The Geek and Sundry series. What's that called? Craft Lab. Craft Lab.

So all types of stuff. Are you... You feel like you're doing too much? Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes, yes. Especially because I'm also in all the improv schools right now and on two different improv teams

and constantly trying to different improv teams. I'm like constantly trying to make more sketch. But I really like working, really like it. So I'll keep, I'll probably keep overbooking my schedule. So what's your, how does that impact personal health? Like you seem to be pretty healthy and happy. Yeah, I am. I try to make enough time to take

care of myself and hang out with friends and make sure I get that one night off a week where I can just stay in bed and watch a bunch of Netflix. So to make sure I don't become too much of a workaholic, I also put stuff on my task list schedule of make sure you get lunch with a friend this week or make sure you chill for an hour. But if you had to choose, is it the film that you talked about at the top? Is it landing the role in the sitcom that you're auditioning for in pilot season? You know, if you did have the power to decide what the big thing was, what would it be? It would definitely be landing a steady acting gig. Like in a great TV show or a dope movie. But I would probably still

do all the other stuff on top of that. But your ultimate passion, and interestingly because you said at the top that you have to use two different parts of your brain for directing and acting. That means if you had to make that choice you would be exercising the

acting muscle. Yeah, definitely definitely it's the most fun it's the least amount of responsibility on set everyone is so nice to you and you're usually not paying for it you're getting paid yes that's a nice thing it's great I mean producing your own stuff is amazing

as well but it is so much work that once in a while it would be nice to act and then go into a trailer and write and then go back on stage and act. Right. Yeah, all that down time. Is Brad, how do you think he has dealt with

your success? Because you kind of talked about how you see him and the things that he's done well. What is it like, how is your relationship with him? You're like, okay, I remember what it was like when I was with Ray and he got recognized. Brad is an anomaly. He is the only person I will ever know

who like peaked in high school, but keeps peaking in life. You know what I mean? Like the one word to describe him would just be kind. He's like best friends with a very successful screenwriter and like knows everyone in this town but is never jealous of anyone's success. He'll get jealous if someone has like a really good idea or a really good character. But he's everyone who knows him is like he is such a supportive and helpful and generous person. So he wants you to get that acting.

Yeah. He's so supportive. Like he would he wants to go get that acting gig. Yeah, he's so supportive. Like he wants to go to VidCon and just like hang out the whole time. And I'm like, wouldn't you be bored like sitting next to me for two hours at a signing? He's like, no man, I think that's great. I just wanna watch you meet your fans.

I think that's amazing. So he's a very, very special person. Well, it sounds like you're in a great place and we're super happy for you. Oh, thank you. People are gonna tweet at you afterward. Okay. And what do you, what do you, you probably need to just go ahead and tell you, tell them what to not tweet about the Ray stuff. I'd prefer if people didn't cause it would make my life easier. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry,

we had to bring it up. That's okay. It's a podcast. I expected to talk about everything. to bring it up. That's okay, it's a podcast. I expected to talk about everything. Did we miss anything? No, I don't think so. Is there anything else I'm known for? Besides suicide and relationships? Okay.

And great work, high quality work on the internet. Thank you. So yeah, we're fans and thanks for hanging out with us, letting us get to know you. And there you have it, our Ear Biscuit with Anna Akana. Tweet at Anna using hashtag Ear Biscuits. Let her know what you think of the conversation. I always appreciate when I look through the hashtag Ear Biscuits. I search by that.

And I just, I love it when- I only search Twitter by that. Only. I love it when I see that you guys are talking back to our guests and they come back up to us and say, you know, I'm still hearing about my episode on Ear Biscuits and it's meaningful to them. So it makes a difference. They see it, we see it.

Anna will see it. Her Twitter handle is Anna Akana. Lots of A's and lots of N's and one K. A double N-A, A-K-A-N-A. That's three, four, five, that's five A's. Wow. Three N's. And one K.

One only K in any random order. Well, knowing it's. And one K. One lonely K. In any random order, well knowing it's a very specific order. No, you gotta put it in a specific order. Anna is a great example of somebody who took a very difficult circumstance in her life and turned it into a positive. And I'm always inspired by that because when you experience something traumatic,

when you experience something that's incredibly difficult, those are crossroads in people's lives. And it's interesting, we get to talk to a lot of people who have accomplished a lot. We're talking to people who've done a lot in the entertainment industry and mostly the YouTube industry. For every Anna, there's somebody who let an event

define them in a negative way. I think that should be encouraging for people out there who are going through something difficult that even as something as difficult as your little sister committing suicide, which is a horrific thing that you would never wish on anyone, it's a crossroads in your life. And it's up to you to how are you going to react to that

and how are you going to deal with that? Are you gonna let it define you in a negative way? Are you gonna ultimately overcome that and let it define you in a positive way? And there's no track for that. I can't prescribe that. I haven't had that kind of thing happen to me. Right.

But you can look at somebody like her as an example of like you can, she's never gonna, there's no doubt she's never gonna get over it. Sure. But it can, you know, she's incorporated it into her story in a positive way. But she's moving forward with it.

Yeah. As part of who she is. And you know, I think, from a lot of Ear Biscuits, you see plenty of successful, great people who've overcome or who have dealt with or who are still carrying some hardship or some level of adversity that I can't even imagine. So I count it a privilege to be able

to have these conversations. I'll add something to Anna's story. You know, I really wanted to dig in to the specifics of her vlog, Please Don't Kill Yourself, because she spoke, there were so many things happening. It's such an, it wasn't that she had dealt with something and then she put it out there as an example. She put out there the honest place that she was at.

I mean, this was six years after the event and it was still extremely painful, but she was being raw and honest and having the conflict in the video with herself and conflict with herself in the description as the video was uploading to figure out, just to deal with how she communicates and how she talks about it.

And so I'm extremely encouraged that just her honest way that she just put that out there in that vlog, people responded to it. And that's one of the instrumental ways that she became a positive example and a light to other people when it comes to suicide prevention. But you could tell, it was not calculated.

No. She was afraid that it was gonna be seen as a calculation in the other direction, like a calculation for views. She said that in the description. Because there are plenty of people who would do that. Who would do that. I'm just grateful that she decided to post it anyway

and that she was completely honest. I think about if something horrible were to happen to me, we have a connection with our fans, but it's like, how would we deal? My instinct would be to be very private for a certain amount of time, but at a certain point, do you just present how you processed it? Or do you let the people who know you through the internet

become, get window into the process itself? That's an interesting thing. It's also interesting because we don't use, we don't use our platforms that we have, like with Good Mythical Morning or really even Ear Biscuits as an opportunity to tell you like, when we talk about stuff, more personal stuff in Good Mythical More but it's still kind of lighthearted.

I mean, that's a decision that we've made to be like, we're gonna tell you about 10 people who had weird stuff in their stomachs or whatever. I'm not saying that it would be a path that we would need to take. I'm not saying that it would be a path that we would need to take. I'm just observing that when she chose to do that, even though I don't know that she fully realized the impact and the way that that vlog would come across,

that there was a power in processing it honestly and not having all the answers or not have landed somewhere, but just putting that out there. Yeah. And that was extremely powerful. Yeah, and I appreciate her coming on here and talking candidly even more about that and other things. Thanks again to Anna and thanks to you, Ear Biscuitier, for listening and hopefully you will be back again next week

because you know what? We will, we'll be here baking a biscuit.