Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Ep. 74 Steve Zaragoza - Ear Biscuits

Episode Date: June 19, 2015

Comedian, vlogger, and Sourcefed co-host, Steve Zaragoza, joins Rhett & Link this week to discuss what it was like growing up in a dangerous neighborhood with drive-by shootings and a halfway house next door, the path that took him from working retails jobs to becoming a full time host on Sourcefed, and how separating from his wife has been the most difficult thing he’s ever had to endure. *NOTE: This conversation contains adult themes and language To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. Joining us today at the round table of dim lighting is comedian, vlogger, and full-time co-host of the YouTube series SourceFed, Steve Zaragoza. Uh-huh. You know SourceFed, you've heard of SourceFed,

one of the most popular current event shows on the internet, over a million and a half subscribers on their main channel. And Steve has been hosting it for three years and he's really helped shape what it has become. Oh yeah, you can also find Steve co-hosting SourceFed Nerd, another very popular channel within the SourceFed stable, as well as on the new SourceFed podcast,

so check that out. He's a great host and we've always thought that Steve was a really funny guy. Yeah. He certainly is and now we call him a friend too. So when you have an ear biscuit, we were friends, but it's like taking the relationship to another level when you add some microphones

and us having this conversation. And headphones. And headphones too. That really does it. Yeah, super funny guy, but we did get to talk through the serious side of Steve a little bit. So you'll hear that. We talked about growing up in a sketchy neighborhood

with drive-by shootings and a halfway house next door. His job is a video game tester, which may not be what you think it is going to be if you're looking to get into that profession, how he caught his first break and the interesting risk he took to capitalize on it and what that first audition for SourceFed looked like. We also talked about one of the more serious subjects that we've talked about on EarBiscuit.

Ever on EarBiscuit, yeah, is the divorce that Steve is going through with his wife, separated now in the midst of a divorce. What led up to that and how he's handled that, how that has changed him, and how he's still in the midst of dealing with that. He calls it one of the most difficult things he's ever had to do. So Steve opened up, was very open in talking about that. So stick around for that. He calls it one of the most difficult things he's ever had to do. So Steve opened up, was very open in talking about that.

So stick around for that. But first, guys, we just wanna remind you to download our new live album, Song Biscuits Volume One. I'm calling it live because I mean, it was recorded live. There was no audience except for, I mean, the cameras that then we put it out there for you guys on the Good Month of the Morning channel. I guess in one sense though, Link, I mean the cameras that then we put it out there for you guys on the Good Mythical Morning channel.

I guess in one sense though, Link, that makes everything live, right? I mean, everything was live at some point. Okay. Every song. We shouldn't call it a live album because that implies things that it's not, but you should download it anyway on iTunes,

Song Biscuits Volume One. Yeah, all these songs recorded in about an hour using your suggestions that you gave us on the internet, usually collaborating with somebody. Here's an example of one of those, the Five Nights at Freddy's song featuring Markiplier. Five nights at Freddy's, getting 120 a week,

and they're not even responsible for dismemberment or injury I only need one night to know That I don't want night two Or have my body mangled, crushed and stuffed Inside a Freddy Fazbear suit If Markiplier wasn't there, we wouldn't have known Anything.

Too much about that. He was like a collaborator and an expert. What's it called? Consultant. Yeah, consultant. 15 original songs all based on your tweets, masterfully crafted and available to put into your ears holes.

Your ears holes. There's two ears and they each have a hole. So get that on iTunes, also available on Amazon. Thanks for getting those. Thanks for rating and reviewing the album on iTunes. Yes. And now on to the biscuit. Do you remember the first time we met, Steve?

Do you remember? Because you met us at the same time. So was it the, what was that show? Was it the thing at the Paramount lot? Yes. Was it the first time I met you guys? Yeah, that was it. What was that show?

Burning Love. Burning Love, yeah. Burning Love season two premiere. That was the first time. We were standing in line for. Like ice cream, right? It was a food cart. It was a food cart.

It was an ice cream food cart. It was like ice cream sandwiches or something. After the screening. Yeah, something. We all came out. And. Or was it tacos? It could have been tacos too. They were both.

I think we had both, man. Yeah, we did have both. We had, you know, dinner and dessert. But we were in line and you got in line, but I remember, the biggest thing I remember about that night, besides meeting you, is the fact that we showed up and we were overdressed.

Like Rhett and I had on ties and oh yeah you guys looked great but you also were dressed similarly I did it I did nice up a little bit yeah because I didn't know but it was one yeah I didn't know either and they called it a premiere yeah and everyone else just like came from work or whatever they were doing that day casual and so here we are in ties. But what's worse? What's worse, really? Being overdressed or underdressed? I guess it depends on what kind of person you are.

Because I like to- Break it down. Well, for me, I'm a wacky guy. So if I'm overdressed, I'm loving it. Okay, side note. I'm just going with it. Side note, only a wacky guy can refer to himself as a wacky guy. I think that is the definition of being a wacky guy can refer to himself as a wacky guy. I think that is the definition

of being a wacky guy. It's being able to use the word wacky sincerely. You're right. And you're right. I didn't crack a smile. The funny thing is, I had no idea what conclusion you were going to come to until you said it, because you're like, I'm a wacky guy, so that means I like to be underdressed. I didn't. I had no idea. It could have gone anywhere. Either way. Underdressed.

I didn't. I had no idea. It could have gone anywhere. Either way. No, I would have thought that wacky people like to underdress. Look, oh, yeah, he shouldn't be here because he's underdressed, but he's wacky. Is that guy from the streets? No, he's just wacky.

Right. But I feel like, couldn't you say the exact same thing about an overdressed person and be like, that guy's got to be wacky. Something's wrong with that guy. Yeah. Either something's wrong or like- Is that what wacky means? Something's wrong with that guy yeah either something's wrong or like that is that what wacky means something's wrong with you could be wacky could be either this man is so silly he doesn't know any better yeah or like craze right craze like a man who dresses up in a three-piece suit

to like mumble to himself on a park bench yes which is a thing it's totally you know it's like why is that guy dressed well so he could talk to himself. It's like a social meme. But I think someone who's overdressed is, you know, the risk is, oh, that stiff's trying too hard. Well, yeah. He's got something to prove. Those two guys who showed up together, make internet videos that aren't as good as this series, are trying to prove themselves by wearing a tie. They want to stand out. Yeah, trying to compensate for something.

Exactly. Well, did you guys feel super awkward after that? Like, did you realize right away that you were overdressed? Yes. I mean, there's a little bit of built-in insecurity when anybody from our world kind of goes into, even though that was like a Netflix show. But it was on a lot.

Yeah, and it was movie stars, it was movie people. Oh yeah, we're the guys from YouTube that nobody knows and we're a duo and we're both dressed in ties. You know, and you're like, well, should we get tacos or should we just leave? But I think that we, you know, we recognize your face. We knew you from SourceFed and we go way back with Joe and you know, and so, but that's when we met, we started talking

over some food truck ice cream. Yeah, it was great. But you were also overdressed, so it was like, that was the tipping point, it was like, am I gonna speak to Steve? Is this gonna be the first meeting? He's overdressed, absolutely, this is the moment. We were all in the same place, for sure.

We were thinking exactly the same thing. We were, yeah. Do you think that there's some sort of chip on our shoulders? And I'm talking about all three of us here. You know, when you enter like some more of a traditional entertainment environment, I mean, is there something to that that's like,

I don't feel like we had anything to prove, but maybe we did. I mean, I wanted to be underdressed versus overdressed. Do you feel like there's something there, like when you say, when people ask you what you do and it's like, well, you know, I'm on a YouTube show and I'm, you know, how does it feel? I don't know, I feel like for me back then,

like I was still kind of just getting into the SourceFed thing. So it was kind of like, cause this was like two or three years ago, right? Yeah. Two and a half years ago, maybe? Yeah. Yeah, at least two. Yeah. Yeah, because we were with Stevie and it was like the first thing

we had gone to with Stevie in the beginning of that year. Yeah, I'm just saying in general though, there is a sense of when you're having- Even now, even now. Even now when you're having conversations with someone who like has a point of reference for entertainment or is in traditional entertainment, there's this like, I mean, we're still looked at as kind of a separate thing right what do you say when somebody asks you

what you do oh man it changes because sometimes i'll just say like just to keep it simple and to not have to like explain and explain and explain sometimes i'll just be like i'm an actor like i'll just straight up say i'm an actor right and then when they go like oh what do you do or like what have i have i seen you in anything then it's like okay well i do youtube stuff like i do mostly youtube stuff okay so that's not really acting is it well i mean so you're still there again you tried to get out of it i tried and then they still suck you into the long explanation and now you seem like a liar too but sometimes it's easier to lie than to like explain what it is we do. Yeah. Like I went into,

we went to a sushi restaurant with our families last night, but Rhett wasn't coming in yet. And it was a family right there at the first table. And the kid who was probably 10 years old, like he recognized me. He was like, Link? And I was like, hey man. And his dad looked at me like,

You know this man? Who is speaking to an adult man? How do you know this man? Coming into the sushi restaurant? I met him at the park, Dad. He was on a bench by himself mumbling. So the dad. In a three piece suit.

The dad looked at me. Clearly overdressed. And I say to the dad, yes, I'm a food critic and I'm here to review the restaurant. I have a popular internet presence. And I was still backed into internet presence. But I was kind of messing with him to see what his son would do.

Was his son laughing at least? His son was totally confused. Oh no! So it didn't work. It went over his head. Yeah, it didn't work. Is he a real food critic? What is a food critic? Maybe you made him think, oh man, maybe I got the wrong guy. Yeah. Yeah, he's not. Is he a real food critic? What is a food critic? Maybe you made him think,

oh man, maybe I got the wrong guy. Yeah. Or maybe this guy does, maybe he is a food critic. But there's a, I mean, it's getting better. I mean, people understand YouTubers a lot more, but. Well, the thing that always happens, I feel like it's, because saying I'm a YouTuber could mean, you know what, I do this other thing.

And I also do YouTube or it could be like, no, I've done this for a long time and it's, we make a living and we run a company and, but you don't wanna say those things. You sound like a jerk when you try to justify it. Right. It's like wearing a tie to a digital premiere. Oh, you're a YouTuber.

So is that going well? And I'm like, it's going pretty well. But you don't wanna be like, yeah, let me tell you how many people have watched my stuff. Well, then you pull out your analytics. Like you've got a printout of your analytics. Check this out. It just puts you in a difficult situation.

It does. But I think that, yeah, so going back to the genesis of this whole thing, yeah, I'm gladly admit I've got a chip on my shoulder. Yeah. But that's part of, I mean, that's why we keep pushing, right? It is, you kind of have to, right? Yeah.

Especially in this kind of business, in the whole YouTube thing. Right. I think so, I'm trying. I mean, we're not releasing an album. Actually, we did just release an album. Right. But, so you said you were gonna do that. I'm working on an album. Actually, we did just release an album. Right. But you said you were going to do that. I'm working on an album.

You asked us about our album. Yeah. But tell us about that. You're doing an album. I am. I'm making an album. You promised the internet in November of 2014. Yeah.

I made a very interesting promise that I would release an album. And there's no reason for me not to or for not to be able to. Was that an impromptu promise? No, no. So it's, I don't know. I've been doing music stuff for a while. And on the SourceFed show, I've done like some songs and stuff. You guys talked about the bear song.

The bear song. Yeah, we were re-watching the bear song, which was just totally off the cuff. It was an improv. Yeah, he's a bear. And he's gonna grow up and be a motherfucking bear. Baby bear. He's going into a big bear. He's gonna grow up and be a bear.

Yeah, he's a baby bear. But he's gonna grow up to be a bear. He's a baby, baby bear. But he's gonna grow up. He's gonna get hair down in his crotch area. He's gonna be bad, but it's gonna grow up. It's gonna get hair down in this crotch area. It ain't gonna be bad. Absolutely ridiculous. It's so ridiculous.

And there's just something about Trisha being there and like clapping and smiling at all the right places. Oh, that's why I love Trisha. Yeah, Trisha like was down for everything. She's totally down. Like you started to go into the weirdest place possible. Some people would be like, that's weird. And kind of shut it down. That's wacky.

Yeah. That's too wacky. But Trisha would be like, yeah, I'm going to clap along and smile and go right along with it. I don't think it would have worked as well if it was somebody else. But yeah, no, I have been doing music for a while on SourceFed. And so whenever I meet people or like I get tweets often that are like, when are you going to do an album? When are you going to do an album?

When are you going to release real songs? When's the bear song going to be on iTunes? Stuff like that. And Lee and I actually used to sing a lot too together. And then people would be like, when are you and Lee going to make an album? And where's this? And so I've always talked about doing it and I've always wanted to do it. now I just feel like why not it's kind of easy to make an album now you can make one at home you don't need like a studio to do it so I mean where are you at in the process because you made the promise in

six months ago I did I'm actually believe it or not I'm five songs deep I don't have complete lyrics is that the name of the album? I don't know yet I don't know that's called an that the name of the album? I don't know yet. I don't know. That's not an EP, by the way. It's Five Songs Deep.

Right now it's an EP. I'm Five Songs Deep, and that's the name of the album, Five Songs Deep. No, it's not. It's not. Is the Bear song one of them? I don't know yet, because I don't know if I own the Bear song. What do you mean? Because it might be a source-fed thing.

Oh, you got to figure that out. Yeah, so I need to figure that out. You know a good way to figure it out? How do you do that? Put it on your album. Just put it on the album and see what happens just spin the wheel to see what happens what's the worst that could happen i'm still on source fed just call it the bar song change the words a little bit and i meant to say e too because that would be the bar song yeah the bar e song the bar e the bear song, yeah. You're burying yourself.

I like that. It's definitely, so what I do know. So what are the five? Can you tell us? This is what I know about the album. This is what I can tell you. It's definitely about animals. You're joking.

No, it's about animals. But not a bear. See, that's the thing. Everyone, because it's an animals thing. And the reason why, let me tell you, let me back up a little bit. Please. Let's go back to the genesis of this a little bit so people have been asking for it and so i started really thinking about it about making an album and i've done like songs in the past and i've got like some weird stuff that like in fact i started a band out of high school

called christmas surprise with a friend of mine And it's just this really strange, I played this foreign guy. Was it a seasonal band? No, it wasn't. It was year round. It was a year round Christmas surprise. Exactly. It was wacky because it was Christmas around.

That made it wacky. Exactly. Imagine a Christmas surprise in July. It's a real surprise. It doesn't get any more surprising than that. So it was very like folk music-y and we did a lot of like, I did a dinosaur

song and so I have this song called Dinosaurland that I'm very proud of that just kind of, it's on my SoundCloud and that's it. Baby just take my hand Watch yourself

The forest is dangerous. Baby, the creatures are ravenous. In this land that's far from home, it is a land where creatures roam. How many people on earth ever have said, I've got this song, Dinosaur Land, that I'm really proud of? That's the great thing about you, Steve. Again, it's like that moment of like you're so funny all the time.

Yeah. And even the things when you're just like being straight with me. I'm being straight. It's hilarious. So you've got this Dinosaurland song that you're really proud of. I'm very proud of this dinosaur song that I wrote with a friend of mine named Isaiah. And so it's just sitting there. And then like years and years and years and years later, when I started doing a source fed, a good friend of mine who's actually a producer at SourceFed now, Darren Gerdner.

Yeah. this massive whale this like whale statue or something and he's like i thought of a funny vine where like someone where like you ask someone excuse me where are the whales and you just yell out whales to someone's face and and he's like it's just his butt and i thought it was funny but i was like why don't we make it into a song and so we started writing this whale song and so now we have this whale song and then i've also got this dinosaur song and everybody and a lot of people really like the whales song so then i was thinking then they started saying like we'll make an album make an album and so i was like okay i've got this dinosaur song i've got this whale song i've got a bear song yeah i mean just complete the why not circle of life i'm kind

of there i'm already there so it's gonna song. Build out the ecosystem. Build it out. Build out that world. Bring in that universe in there. And so I've – so yeah, it's going to be an album about animals. And right now I've got a song called – so I've got Whales, which is like I think the single. And then I've got the Dinosaur Land song. And then I'm working on a song. I've never – I haven't talked about this. This is exclusive for you guys.

Three people are very excited about hearing this right now. I'm feeling their excitement. So am I. It's buzzing on my phone. There's a song about the axolotl. Do you guys know what the axolotl is? No, that's the body part. No, it's not a body part.

I had mine taken out last year. You did. And you don't need No, it's not a body part. I had mine taken out last year. You did. And you don't need it. It's an evolutionary blunder. No, the axolotl is a, some people say is like the real life Pokemon character. It's like this cute little sea creature that looks, you've seen it. It's got like a big smile on its face and it looks like adorable. Anyway, they're going extinct and I believe they don't exist in the wild anymore.

So now they're just in captivity, but they're adorable creatures. And so I have a song called The Axolotl Lullaby, which is... Sounds sad. It is a sad song. And you mean like you're putting it to sleep to like die? Like to go extinct? You know, I think it's one of those things where it'll be open to interpretation, but it's definitely a lullaby like

go to sleep. But in my mind, I think it is like an extinction song it's almost like goodbye goodbye sleeps are they all kind of improv based or you go more in like a meticulous joke direction like what do you know what do we have to expect here i think it well the whale song it's all absurd stuff it's like very i don't know i i'd like i'd like it to be slightly less uh just kind of like like impromptu improv comedy, more like slightly well thought out. But I don't know if that works for this type of music.

I feel like it needs to feel still impromptu because people love the bear song a lot and then they like the whale song. So it should be like a pretty live performance. Yeah, I feel like it. I feel like people would like that. I would like it. And I like people would like that. Yeah. I would like it. And I want to do it for you.

Yeah. Do it for me. I'll commit to listening. Will you? We commit to listening. Perfect. We'll buy a copy and we'll share it. That's what I'll commit to. I'll go at least five songs deep into your album.

That's great. And those five songs are going to be the best because that's where most of the time will be put. Yeah, the first five are going to be great. And the first five are going to be great. After that, it's bad. Most of the time will be put. Yeah, the first five are going to be great. And the first five are going to be great.

After that, it's bad. Okay, well, let's find out how Steve Zaragoza became the Steve we see before us right now. Where are you from? I'm from Oxnard. Oh, really? Yeah. That's a street. It is.

It's a street. It is a street. And it takes you all the way to Oxnard. It takes you to Oxnard. It's almost like Oz. Yeah, Oxnard is the street that goes down the valley. Yeah. Well, one of them.

Yeah, yeah. No, there is this big main Oxnard street that goes through the valley, but there's also a city called Oxnard. That's like where there's some boats there. There are boats, yeah. That's where you get in the ocean on your sailboat. Yeah, Port Hueneme is a little port in Oxnard where you can park your boats. There's also like the Seabees,

which are these military guys that have like a little base there, a little base set up. So that's where you were born and raised. I was born and raised in Oxnard. What was the situation? Like both parents, siblings? Yeah, I got a mom and dad

and an older brother named Frank. He's a good guy. He and I are pretty close. He has a child now. You're an uncle. I'm an uncle. It's weird. Is he in the Nard still? He's in Camarillo now. The Camarillo.

Supposedly the best climate on Earth. I don't disagree. That's what I've been told. It's possible. That and like Santa Barbara. Santa Barbara's a nice town. That's gotta be good weather there. So what was the vibe like there? What'd your parents do? What was your upbringing like? Oxnard's a nice town. That's gotta be good weather there. So what was the vibe like there? What'd your parents do?

What was your upbringing like? Oxnard's a very dangerous town, especially when I was a kid. A lot of gang activity, a lot of danger. Yeah, a lot of shootings and gangs doing terrible things. Like at one point in my neighborhood, there was like a drive-by shooting at the end of my block. My dad's car got like bullet holes in the glass.

Not the sticker kind that you get at like- Not the fun sticker kind. Not the novelty bullet holes. Actual real like potential death bullet holes. Wow. So were you on the fringe of something dangerous or was your neighborhood very much dangerous? I think my neighborhood wasn't as dangerous as some other parts of Oxnard, but it was very much like a ghetto in a way like next door. Right. The entire time I grew up next door, there was a halfway house and it's full of like rehabilitated adults. So it could be like recovering drug addicts and also like potential like criminals, like hard criminals that are being rehabilitated and brought back into society and these and what's your interface with these people well they live right next door so we would they would talk to us over the fence sometimes as children which is kind of terrifying it's just talk hey it's just talking there was never any like physical interaction there was a lot of weird

activity there a lot in fact more than once the police needed to enter our home to get into our backyard to to stop an altercation in the house next door in the halfway house did you know that this was kind of a big deal for a kid no i didn't because it's just your normal it just seems so normal to me because i grew up with it you know like and also something that like my friends still talk about to this day is that we had bars on our windows. Like the, you know, like the kind of like paranoid, like we don't want anyone in our home type bars, but it wasn't like a paranoid reason.

It was because it's literally a dangerous neighborhood that people like break into homes type deal. So that was like my- Your parents just didn't put them in your bedroom window so you couldn't escape? No, but they probably shut down. They're not in the whole house. They're just in my bedroom.

Which is weird. They must have wanted me to be protected. They didn't want me to get hurt. No, it was on all the bars. And what did your parents do? My dad worked in like machine, like he built hard drive parts. So he worked in this like factory where they built like the tiny pieces that used to go into old school hard drives. And my mom was a teacher.

She used to teach like preschool and kindergarten and stuff like that. And did they teach you to be so comedic? How did that start to bud? You know, I don't know because neither of my parents are intentionally funny. They're like the kind of like accidentally. Thanks for the clarification.

Intentionally. It's one of those things where like, and you know what I'm talking about. Where like – because my dad is – my dad grew up in Mexico until he was like 18 and then he moved to the US. Okay. So he's got this very much like foreign kind of like mentality. So he's got this kind of like strange outlook on life and how to be a person and a man and kind of like all the machismo stuff, which is the exact opposite of what I am because I'm the most like I'm the girliest, not Mexican dude ever. And both my parents are Mexican.

I'm a Mexican guy. So what do you think contributed to you saying, OK, well, I'm the I'm the complete opposite in a lot of ways. Like, you know, how did that come about? I think I was just a super weird kid and I would do very weird things. And I was always like, my dad had this Betamax camera. And Betamax is like the stuff before VHS. And my brother and I would borrow it and film all these sketches.

Why did he have it? What did he use it for? I guess he was using it. You're shining the light. What was he doing on July 14th, 1983? Bet july 14 1983 yeah now we're getting somewhere no i think he was um interested in filming like doing family kind of like home videos yeah home videos like like videos of my brother and i growing up going to the beach and like hanging going camping with the family and stuff like that okay you know normal dad video type stuff

sure so we would take the camera and my brother and i would make these sketches and we'd have Right, okay. And so – and I think it started to realize that it was a little bit weirder than like my brother at times and then very much different and weirder and had a different sense of humor than my mom and dad or like my cousins or even some of my friends. So I started to realize like I guess I'm kind of a wacky guy and I make people laugh. So I guess this is like kind of my thing. And my mom was like super supportive of it, too Like she would watch me like draw weird things like I draw comic book type things and I would like do sketches and put on Little like talent shows in the house and my mom was like super supportive of it So I feel like it was a combination entertain you were very much an entertainer. Yeah from the very start Yeah, so like I mean there's lots of people who are successful on youtube that they'll they will have grabbed their parents camera and but it's more of

like oh i want to be a filmmaker right versus this is just one of many mediums it could be it could be it could be charcoal it could be a betamax camera i'm an entertainer and it's just got to happen that sounds like your story yeah it wasn't it i had zero interest in the filmmaking aspect of it i had more interest in being in front of the camera and like making people laugh and doing wacky things like the talent show in grade school you were you were up there doing your talent being a being a a wacko did it did this did you stand out not only from your family but but in terms of your community? Because you said, okay, your mom and dad are both Mexican. So are you in a Mexican community for the most part?

Yeah, primarily. Primarily a Hispanic area of town. Yeah, and also growing up too, you kind of had the pressures of like, oh man, are you going to be like a homie? Are you going to join a gang? Are you going to do that kind of thing? Like the climate was very strange.

So how does that, is that like the quintessential, like, Hey kid, you know, like how does that happen? I don't know. I feel like it's one of those things where like, depending on what school you go to, it's kind of like what kind of click you're going to blend into and then who you're going to associate with and who your friends are going to be. And I feel like for me, it could have ended up really badly where I wouldn't be able to associate with anybody. But luckily I was able to kind of like find other jokesters and kind of like entertainers and class clown type people and associate with them and steer clear of the kind of more dangerous lifestyle. Like as a kid, I did nothing dangerous. I never like started garage fires or got arrested or tried to steal candy or like rode my bike and

like in the middle of the street or anything like that i was just super like did you experience any sort of uh criticism because you because you made those choices because you didn't want to hang out yeah i was i was definitely pushed around a lot and bullied for not being like like how come you don't want to play soccer man or how come you don't want to play football or you know why don't you want to be all sportsy? And my brother would even be like, let's play basketball. And I'd be like, I kind of want to just play Battletoads or like Bubble Bobble or something. As long as it starts with a B, does that count?

Yeah, exactly. Bionic Commando. Like that game. So how did you start to find your breakthrough? Like, you know, was it a high school play? So how did you start to find your breakthrough? Like, you know, what was it, a high school play? Was it, you know, where was your, where was that outlet for you that, oh, this is really starting to take off? I think it was kind of like, I would always gravitate towards the entertainment stuff. So even as early as like third and fourth grade, I would do like little talent showcase type things. Or

like whenever there was a talent show, I would get my friends together and we'd get a song and we'd like, you know, lip sync to a song or something like that. So I knew, I guess I always knew that I wanted to entertain in some aspect as like a younger kid. But definitely as I got into high school, I would try to do plays and musicals and things like that. Like I did Our Town. I did like Bye Bye Birdie and like little bit things here and there. But my big break, quote unquote, was when I was Seymour in Little Shop of Horrors in high school. And that was like a dream come true.

It was like. Is that a plant? Oh, yeah. Well, no, Seymour is the main guy. The main guy. That's Rick Moranis. Yeah, that's the Rick Moranis. That is the dude.

He's like the lead role in that. So I was like super stoked. I was like, this is me. This is the role I was born to play. My mom would like let me watch Little Shop of Horrors as a very young kid, which maybe she shouldn't have done. But like, you know, it's not that bad of a movie. It helped you, right? It totally helped me.

It definitely like I loved the creatures and kind of like the comedy. And like, you know, I loved it even before I even understood a lot of the jokes and a lot of the stuff going on in the movie. But did you kill it? I killed it in the auditions, first of all, and then I killed it in the rehearsals. And then we got to like this halfway point where we were like halfway through rehearsals. You know, everyone's all selected. We got our understudies. Everything's ready to go.

But my drama teacher came to me and said, listen, your grades suck. Like your grades are real bad. And if you don't pick them up and if you don't like maintain at least this amount, which was like something ridiculous. Like if you don't at least get a D plus in like your classes we can't let you do this and so i was like oh crap uh i don't know what to do and so it it was weird because as a study right but i mean like i it's it seems weird to think about it now as an adult but like and you hear people say it too like i was too cool for school or something but i just feel like i wasn't meant to be in school like school just never worked for me it just was never a place where i felt

welcome or comfortable or you know uh math class and english class and things like that like i just couldn't focus i wanted to like make the class laugh or like draw pictures or do something creative so what did you do i just did that i made the class laugh or like draw pictures or do something creative. So what did you do? I just did that. I made the class laugh and I drew pictures. But I mean, with the ultimatum. I mean, I honestly lost it. I lost the role and I was kicked out of the play.

Oh, wow. Yeah. And it was this huge like turning point in my life where I was like, oh man, like I really screwed this up. A lot of people were counting on me. A lot of people wanted me to do this. And I just kind of like let it go because I wasn't going to like put the initiative in

to like really like land this. But you didn't let it slow you down. I didn't let it slow me down, but it really, I kind of spiraled into this like, I don't care kind of like teen angsty type place where I was just like, you know, screw this and screw that. And like school wasn't for me. So I stopped going and I would just go to like my video production class and I would go to my

drama class and that was it. And then I would skip out of everything else. And I wasn't doing, I wasn't like going to the mall or like going, you know, behind the bushes to smoke pot or like hang out with my bad kid friends or whatever. I just would like become this super anxiety ridden, depressed, antisocial kind of hermit person because I went into this weird failure territory of like, I sucked at school. I couldn't do this thing. I couldn't do that. I was bad at this.

And I'm a weirdo that doesn't feel like I belong. So like I just went into this weird like hermit crab zone. And I know you've been really open about your your past struggles with weight yes uh and was that beginning to be a struggle in high school yeah i mean i was always just the kind of like cuddly fat kid that was like a nerd but he was funny and like you know i was in the friend zone if you want to call it that or whatever and i would just be very much in this kind of like class clowny place, but definitely not in this kind of like comfortable, like I feel good about being a

teenager place. And so I didn't really get to like enjoy being a teenager because I had all these insecurities and I had all this anxiety, which I didn't know at the time was anxiety or depression or whatever it was. And then to top it all off, all I wanted to do was like entertain and make people laugh and make music and sketches and do comedy. And I didn't realize at the time that like if I wanted to do that, what I needed to do was work my ass off and like really get in there and study and do all that like everybody else did, even the comedians that I idolized. And I guess I just didn't see that at the time. So it sounds like you were kind of on that. That was kind of a, you were on a downward trend. Yeah. How far down did it go before you found a way back up?

I think it, I think honestly it was that I met the girl that would eventually become my wife. That is now not my wife. That is now my ex-wife. But I mean, I met this girl who like changed my life. In high school? In high school, yeah. And so it was one of those things where she was like, and she was like a straight A student. Like she, her grade point average was like insane. Her parents were like, wait a minute,

you're gonna be dating this guy who's like a total loser. And like, it was one of those situations. And I feel like she- And we met her at the same time we met you. Yeah, you did. Yeah. What was her name? Amy? Sarah. Sarah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Sarah, like, basically pulled me out of this funk of like, I'm a loser, and I'm a failure. And she kind of like taught me about how, you know, I can succeed if I just work, and I can do whatever I want to do. And I should like get out there and get a job and get my license. And so she really kind of like whipped me into shape. So if it wasn't for her, I don't know where the hell I'd be. I'd probably be this like weird 30 year old man living at home still. And were you dating or was that friend zone? I wasn't dating. Well, Sarah and I were very good friends for like a year and then we ended up dating and then my life like completely turned around and that was when like everything went on the up and up. Okay, so.

This is like right after high school? This was like just before I dropped out of high school. So it was like junior year, senior year of high school. But you did drop out of high school. Dropped out, yep. And then what? So what I did was I did a bunch of stupid retail jobs. Like I worked at like Hot Topic

in the mall which is like the dumb it was a terrible job a lot of black t-shirts a lot of black t-shirts a lot of Spongebob in black t-shirts which was a weird

combination that didn't make sense to me it's like two sections to that place exactly like you're in the front you're like I'm bringing my kids in

and then all of a sudden I said well don't keep going back here kids yeah this is the I hate my dad section and this is the I love SpongeBob and my little pony section.

It's very strange. It's a bipolar store. But I worked at a bunch of retail jobs and then I worked at like a video game store. And then I got married in 2006 and at the time I'd had this really terrible job. I was doing like quality assurance QA testing at a video game company called THQ. And THQ made like some of the worst games, like really difficult video

games. And you were playing them to see if they work. Yeah, it was the worst. I mean, these jobs exist for a reason and I'm glad they do because they make video games even better. But a lot of these kids, these like out of high school, sometimes still in high school, college student kids are just like sitting like brainless zombies in front of a computer monitor playing these games over and over again. And you have to play them incorrectly. You can't even really play them because it sounds like a cool job. Like, oh, man, I get to play video games all day. But what they don't tell you is, is you're playing them wrong all day. So like you're racing your car backwards on the track and you're like jumping down this same hole 900 to see if like

that accidentally beats the game right if it accidentally beats the game or if it makes like mario's head pop off and like it stays there that's how the warp zone but it wasn't mario or it was bad game it was really bad it was like some kind of rocket power like you guys remember the show rocket power this might have been beyond our time like it was uh we were older when that show was coming out but and then you would something would go wrong and you'd have to take notes yeah and you'd have to I mean and you had to like make the most thorough ridiculous notes it would just be like you couldn't just say guy falls and his leg stays in place in this world you had to be like at this specific point in the game these are the enemies nearby it was like the most torturous gross job ever talk about sucking the fun out of something that's supposed to be fun

it makes you hate video you're the sacrificial lamb of video games so you can enjoy it right exactly so you come home to sarah like yeah you're like newlyweds you're coming you're coming home You're the sacrificial lamb of video games. So you can enjoy it. Right, exactly. So you come home to Sarah. You're like newlyweds. You're coming home from this terrible job, hating everything, and just thinking like, what am I going to do? This is going to be my life now. And you're still an octane at the time.

No, at this point we had moved to Oak Park, which is kind of like in Thousand Oaks-ish type area. And this was like in 2006. And so I would come home and be like, I hate my job. I want to entertain. And at the same time, I'm with my friends making sketches and not necessarily doing stuff on YouTube yet, but knowing about YouTube and having that be kind of like an inspiration for a lot of the sketchery. And you're slowly getting closer to Los Angeles. Slowly getting closer to Los Angeles, little by little little and so one day there was this contest at sony pictures to be their like official vlogger or uh blogger for comic-con they they had like comic-con coming up and they were like we want someone to be our official sony pictures blogger and so the contest was to make a video

explaining why you would want to do that and why you would be good for that. Make a video why you would want to type about stuff. Yeah, exactly. It was so strange. Yeah. Be a blogger and just write things, but make a video explaining why you'd be good at it. So weird. But my buddy Owen and I, we put our heads together and we, I made this little video and it's still up on the internet and it's just like why i should be their their spokesperson and i did this stupid joke that was like at the time brooke burke was like this huge e-news person like and she would go around and do her wild on show on e and so i said i'm not brooke burke but i can be and i slapped this name tag on my shirt this is brooke burke on it and it was just like whatever it was just stupid and the next thing i know sony calls me and they're like you

won we want you to come to comic-con all expenses paid we'll get you a hotel and everything and we want you to write for us and i was like this is great this is the big break this was the thing i was waiting for so i i got the call literally while i was at thq on the job and it was like middle of the day as you were jumping into the 17th hole and it was just middle of the day. As you were jumping into the 17th hole. And it was just a nightmare world that I was in. 17th time, you kill yourself. And so I got the call. I went outside, found out I won the contest. I came back into THQ, got all my stuff,

didn't say a word, and just walked right out the door and drove home. It's like a movie. Yeah, it was seriously like a movie. I didn't call them. I didn't tell them. I didn't put in my two weeks or anything. I was just like, I knew this was it. I wonder how many days they thought you seriously like a movie i didn't call them i didn't tell them i didn't put in my two weeks or anything i was just like i knew this was it i wonder how many days they thought you

were like a ghost you actually went down the hole yeah someone that video game really has an error yeah where was my qa tester into the game somebody make that note so i left and then i got home and i told sarah i was like i won this contest this And she's like, yeah, but what about your job? Ah, forget it. Don't even worry about it. And she was like, so pissed off at me. She was like, you need stability. And she was, I mean, God bless her.

She like tried to keep me as on the level as possible. It's a reasonable question because the comic con only lasts over a weekend. What was I thinking? Honestly, like thinking about it now, what was I thinking? at the like thinking about it now what was i thinking how could this contest be my big break but somehow i felt in the pit of my stomach that this was it like i i knew i had like the the the um the charisma i knew i could do it i knew i could somehow weasel my way into something like just using my attitude and my energy and my positivity and just throwing it all out there in the world and just giving it everything.

So I went and did this and I convinced Sarah that everything was going to be okay. And like I said, I mean, we had just gotten married, just moved into an apartment in Oak Park. I mean, Sarah was like thinking about real life, logical stuff. And I was thinking of like dream in the clouds. This is like a big chance I'm taking type stuff. So we did it. And you cut the safety net. And you cut the safety net.

I totally cut the safety net. Which from an entertainment standpoint, like, I mean, we fast forward, we kind of know where you've landed. And so it, you know, I'm very interested in connecting the dots and I want to, but I will say that there's a,

I've heard many people who make it entertainment say at some point you just have to go for it. And I've heard a lot of people say you can't have a plan B. Even though it makes total sense, the interesting thing was you cut your safety net for two people. And that has to be scary. Oh, it's insane. It has to be scary. Oh, it's insane.

But I mean, imagine having a family or imagine having like so many other people counting on you to bring in a steady amount of income. I know the feeling. Right, right. Like where, I mean, how could you? How could you make such a big like weird chance or how could you take a big chance like that? It was easier for us because, I mean,

we inched into it much more slowly. And the move to LA, move across the country, was in answer to the opportunity to have our own television show. So it wasn't like, it wasn't as big of a risk for us, I will say. Right. But then what happened after you went to Comic-Con? You killed it. So I killed it.

And my wife was, at the the time was like talking me up. And so the next thing I know, I get a call and they're like, we want you to come to the Sony Pictures Studio lot. And we'll take you around on the back lot tour so you can check out everything. And then we'll have you come into our digital division where they like worked with you at Comic-Con. And we'll have you uh interview and maybe get a job you're like see right told you i know and i was like this is it this is what i was thinking would happen and it just so happened it happened and so i go there and i take the tour and sarah's with me and then the next thing i know i'm in someone's office they're interviewing me

and then they're like can you start monday And I'm like, yes, I can. Why, yes, I can. So that like free fall going from one trapeze, you cut the net. I'm going to keep the analogy going. Keep it going. I like it. And you're like, you let go of one. It wasn't long before you caught the next one.

It wasn't long at all. Like I quit my job a week ago. And then there I am getting a new job at sony pictures at their digital division and but they threw me they hired me on his talent for their like to throw at events and stuff to be like a blogger type person but then the next thing i know i'm working in their video production world and then five years later i'm like a sound design guy doing the sounds if you go to the original paul blart mall cop website every sound you hear was me i did all those mostly farts all fart sounds and it's all and it's just all me yeah i that first fart sound you made literally scared me it was good like i do well you should have hired me back it was good where were you when i needed a real good fart so that website's

still i'm sure it is because there's a sequel okay how did that happen i don't know man because i didn't go i dropped out of high school didn't go to college had zero like i have no resume at this point it's like i worked at a video game store and that's that and so for some reason i just kind of weaseled my way into this five-year job. Did you feel like, I mean, where I thought you might be going with that was, I started doing this, but then I ended up making sounds on a website. And that wasn't me. That wasn't what I wanted.

Oh, it wasn't. It definitely wasn't. It was just this kind of like natural organic progression in this corporate world of me trying everything I could to stay relevant and not be fired because the guy sitting next to me went to USC film school and graduated like with like crazy people with like accolades and awards and grad and like crazy framed graduation diploma things and and here i am the like the loser guy that somehow just weaseled his way in and and i honestly feel like at this point they kept me around basically just for morale because i'd walk around making people laugh and kept the positivity up and like right was like just that guy that they were like oh man you just make us laugh and it's so funny and i was entertaining all these people and it was nice but it wasn't fulfilling me in any way creatively it was so what was the next

turn out of desk work so i'm i'm at this point where i start joining like LA casting and I try to get an agent and I'm trying to do you know extra work and like I was I did like I was in a Buck Cherry music video I was in a Buck Cherry music video we've met Buck Cherry on the red carpet you interviewed them at the Grammys while I filmed you

there it is that's the six degrees of Kevin Bacon with Rhett Link and Steve Zerger were you like a lead in this thing? Yeah, I was. The funny guy in the video. I was the funny guy in the video. And the video is called Too Drunk to F***. And that's what it's called.

And so if you want to look it up, you can. Sometimes you are, I guess. And sometimes you are. I actually already have it up here. Oh, no! Anyway, so I did that. And then I did stuff. I did like a thousand ways to die an episode of a

thousand ways to die and then i did like some little things here and there but it still wasn't enough and then one day i sent in and uh a tape to james hafner who worked at with phil defranco at defranco ink or whatever and then they were like the next thing i know the casting call for what became swords it was a casting call for in fact this is this is a weird bit of trivia it was a casting call for what would end up being curb cash which was the show that kevin brueck ended up doing which was killed almost immediately but um they wanted a man on the street like a funny man on the street type guy and so i came in and did an audition. And then the next thing I know, I'm at an audition space and like Lee Newton's there and Joe Barretta's there and Elliot Morgan's there. And then all these other people that like I would meet later on that ended

up being also YouTube people. And then they're doing like chemistry tests. And then they're like, we want you, we want you to come work at SourceFed. We want you to be the fourth person. We want it to be Joe, Elliot, Lee, Steve. And this was like just before SourceFed, we want you to be the fourth person. We want it to be Joe, Elliot, Lee, Steve. And this was like just before SourceFed started. So it was like, I would love to do that, but I'm working at a job where I have like a 401k and I have like benefits and vacation time and like a decent salary. And then this is like a YouTube thing that is just starting. And I didn't know anything about YouTube. You didn't have a point of reference for Philip DeFranco.

I didn't even know who he was. I'd never heard his name before. And so I didn't know. All I knew is that this would be an entertainer job that I could get hired for where I would be making funny videos every day. So you turned it down. Well, I did initially. I was like would be making funny videos every day. So you turned it down. Well, I did.

Initially, I was like, I can do part time. And so they were like, OK, let's do part time. So I would like I was able to maintain that for a while. I would come in and do a little bit. And those were my first appearances on SourceFed as a part time guy. It's interesting that without that point of reference, you know, said well i got a 401k it's like even in your mind over those five years like the corporate the corporate mentality it kind of like oh it's swallowed me up and it was and as a guy moxie was kind of gone a little gone the the wackiness was

like subside like someone put a big chastity belt on my humor genitals. Like seriously. So what did lead to cutting the cord? Like a lot of negative YouTube comments. I got to get more. I can't wait for people to say racist things about me I've never heard. No, I think it got to a point where I was like, I am unhappy at this corporate, gross, not creative desk job, even though it's super comfortable. The money's nice. I'm able to live comfortably. You know, I keep my wife happy. Everything's

great. Life's great. But I'm not happy. And I wasn't. What I really wanted to do was to entertain people. And so I just took a massive chance and a massive pay cut and was just like, all right. And I had so many nights with Sarah. Can this work? Can we do this? Can we survive? Financially. Financially. And she was like, this is about as low as we can do. And so I kept going back and forth with the guys at SourceFed. I was like, can we do this? Can we do this? Can we do this? And then eventually they were like, all right, let's can do. And so I kept going back and forth with the guys at SourceFed. I was like, can we do this? Can we do this? Can we do this? And then eventually they were like, all right, let's do it.

And so I quit my job at Sony and I started working at SourceFed and the most intense anxiety I had ever felt in my life attacked my soul and mind and everything. I had gone into like from the wacky fun guy to like agoraphobic, I can't leave my house type stuff.

And this is when you were already hosting. Yes, this was like maybe a month or two into barely starting as a full-time host at SourceFed. And how did that manifest itself in the way you were interacting with Joe and Lee and Elliot? Well, for them, they were very much confused because they were like, here's this like super happy-go-lucky, fun, positive guy who as soon as he's done shooting a video, if he could even get through a full video without having like some sort of weird

panic attack or something, suddenly is not like hanging out with us after work and suddenly is not even talking to us. And like, and I would go, like, I remember the first vidcon i ever went to i guess that was 2012 june of 2012 i think this was like maybe like a month into the starting source fed joe was like dude i know you're not gonna want to go to parties and i know you're not gonna want to talk to people and stuff but like you are so new in the youtube world like you gotta talk to people and you gotta seem like a friendly person otherwise you're gonna look like a dick to everybody like here's this guy that just started on source fed and now and he don't he won't even talk to us and stuff like that but little did they know and i tried telling them i'm like dude i'm

just something happened i think it was a combination of i got into this really crazy car wreck in culver city and i think it was a combination of that and cutting the cord and your analogy of like the safety nets gone from sony to youtube and suddenly i'm like oh my god now there's like thousands of people that are watching me every day what was the car wreck and how did that so the car wreck was like i was driving home from work at sony one day and it's just someone smashed into me going like 80 miles per hour, destroyed my little VW bug, which I loved so much. I was fine. I didn't like need to go to the hospital or anything, had a lot of back problems and all that kind of stuff.

But I think it just gave me this intense like PTSD. Like after that, I couldn't really drive. And I already suffered through anxiety my entire life, but I didn't know. I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what these feelings were. You talk about it was like a resurgence of that weird hermit crab zone that you described. Yes. From back of the end of your high school time.

Exactly. And I went from a guy that would get up on stage and pull my pants down and start singing and just to being a guy that couldn't even leave the house because of this like crazy traumatic experience. But you would leave to shoot on SourceFed. I would. But you couldn't make it through.

Sometimes I couldn't at all. Sometimes I would be driving to work and I'd be like, okay, my heart's racing. And I'd call James and be like, dude, I've been puking all night. I can't come into work. And then I would go home and I would lock myself in my room. I would go under the covers and I'd be like, I think I'm been puking all night. I can't come into work. And then I would go home and I would lock myself in my room.

I would go under the covers and I'd be like, I think I'm dying. I don't know what's happening to my body, my brain. Where's the guy that used to be able to like do anything? Did you get help? I mean, yeah, I ended up going to therapy and therapy didn't work at all. It was like, you got to get in this mind space and you got to take breathing and like take a moment to go outside onto the grass and like do a little yoga. And like it, it just was not working. Like nothing was working. And then I, I honestly can't tell you 100% with 100% certainty, what got me out of it.

But I think with a little bit of guidance from Joe, because Joe Beretta is like the greatest mentor anyone could ever have. The dude is just wise beyond his years. He was so supportive. Once he once I finally like opened up to him and was like, OK, this is what's going on with me. I can't keep it from everybody. This is what it is. I guess it's anxiety attacks. You know, I just need to be open with you guys and tell you what this is. And Joe was just like super supportive, was like, dude, don't worry. I'll help you as much as I can. And I think it just ended up becoming like this comfort that came from my peers and then

from Sarah and then from just like slowly getting into the success of SourceFed and then learning that this wasn't going to be just this one time thing that was going to fall apart. I think the stability of it really brought my mental state back up. So it wasn't one thing or there wasn't one key. It was the support of people around you and then a slow climb. And kind of just snapping out of it.

Was it a snap out? I don't know. I mean, I can't really- Or a slow climb out of it. I guess it was a slow climb because it wasn't, I can't remember like one day being so bad and then the next day being like, hey, that was weird. It really was like months later because then I could confide in people like Meg, Meg Turney, who at the time – who then started on the channel like a couple of months after me as well, who was like, I suffer from anxiety too. And then I was talking to other people who were like, oh, yeah, I have panic attacks.

I can't even leave the house sometimes and it was kind of like seeking kind of like solace from people that were also going through the same things that really kind of like helped me break out of it a little bit and it was. I guess it was transitional. And did this manifest itself in your work? I think so.

Can you go back and look at those videos and you're like, I was totally freaking out. Yeah, in fact, Sarah could even see it too. She used to watch videos and be like, you look like you're sick. You look and you're like i was totally freaking out yeah in fact sarah could even see it too she used to watch videos and be like you look like you're sick you look like you're like gonna puke or something and i was like yeah that's me having a straight up panic attack like that's a panic attack on screen on screen on video yeah you can go back to my early videos and definitely see that i think and so slowly or suddenly, you can't really figure out, you kind of came out of that.

Yeah. And you've kind of become the linchpin in a lot of ways of SourceFed as everyone that you mentioned that was there originally is no longer there. Yeah, no longer there. You've got tenure. I mean, if that exists,

you're the only one who could have that title at this point. Yeah, it's true. I'm the survivor. But I mean, I'm operating on the assumption that you're not going to be there forever and that you're going to be the next one to depart from SourceFed. Even the tweet from the SourceFed account on April Fool's Day was that you were leaving. So what's the plan? What's the approach here? Well, I think for me, it's one of those things where, I mean, I've been doing it for like three

and a half years now. I think that's three and a half years, right? 2012? Yeah, sure. It's almost three and a half years now. So it's like, yeah. And I think Phil, even from the very beginning was like, when had our like kind of our interview meeting when we kind of had lunch and just before I started full-time at SourceFed, Phil had said to me, you know, if you guys are still here in like five years, you know, then I'm not doing my job, right? And I don't think the company is like doing well because it's like this is definitely kind of like a launching pad for a lot of people I feel like and for me I'm one of those guys that's like now I'm a YouTuber but I feel like it's almost like it almost hurt it doesn't feel good to say like I'm a YouTuber because there are people who like worked their asses off from like getting zero views on their videos to like to getting very lucky and suddenly getting growing this massive fan base i kind of just jumped into a world that already had this pre-existing fan base in phil's world and kind of you know three years later built up a lot of stuff in source fed and definitely was a big major part of the success of source fed and source fed nerd

but i feel kind of like ashamed to be like yes i and i should be here along the likes of joe beretta and luke baratz and rhett link and olga k and people like that who have put in like the work you know so i feel kind of that kind of stuff too but like i and i'll say the but i think that having yeah i can see that you know you might feel that way. You were a hired gun that then- Yes. But you helped shape something that helped change the landscape of what YouTube is, arguably. That's true. And won a lot of awards in the process. So that goes a long way.

Yeah, I think now- I mean, we all get here in a lot of different ways. Yeah, it's true. It's true. I think I can say plus you don't you don't have as many uh embarrassing videos where you were emulating someone else before you figured out what it is you were supposed to be doing i had the videos that you needed delete you're right i don't have any videos where you were having a panic attack in the middle of them right you don't have to delete i have to sit with those but no i i so yeah even phil was like if you're still working there it's kind of bad but so for me it's like so you're resigning i'm resigning i'm fine i'm quitting right now no i i uh i don't

see it i don't see myself you're just gonna walk but when you do we know how you're gonna do it and you're gonna you're gonna gather your stuff and you're just gonna walk out and not call anyone what is the plan i mean now that it's kind of like a i've made i've made full circle from the corporate world of Sony into the corporate world of Discovery, it's kind of like the formalities need to stay kind of like on the level there. So I don't think I could just run and go. I can't Irish goodbye the source of that job. But at this point, especially if I don't want to burn any bridges or anything like that. But I mean, everyone's kind of looking for the next thing, right? Especially if you're doing something long enough. You like what's next you're always thinking like what's

next well and i assume that you you know you have a desire to get out there and do your own thing yeah and not even just like my own thing like i kind of want to do you know like maybe in the in the future like tv and movies and stuff like that do you have a timeline i don't i should but i don't i'm gonna be 33 in like a couple of weeks. I'm an old man. And in YouTube years, that's like crazy, right? We're like grandfathers when it comes to it. My eyes are rolling.

I know, but I mean like, you know what I'm saying? Like you got your Zay Franks and you're- You can say eyes. We're not as old as Zay Frank, but we're close. But so you've experienced this transition. It sounds like some of those things have been dealt with, but you've also been relatively open about what you've gone through with your ex-wife.

Yes. You've had a vlog in January that's still up where you referenced another vlog that is no longer up. That's no longer up, yeah. Where you said, I had a video that explained a little bit about my personal life, but I took it down once I, explain what your mentality. So I, yeah, cause like, man, in this YouTube world,

it's very much like nothing is personal. Nothing can be kept secret in your personal life or in your professional life. And so when things started going south for Sarah and I, and like when it started to become like, you know, she's moving out of the house and like we're actually splitting up, it occurred to me that like, man, I do Vines and Snapchats and things like this where Sarah is like in all of this stuff. And Sarah was even doing like little episodes of my shows on my personal channel with me. Like we would review like The Left leftovers or like game of Thrones or something like that.

So she's very much a part. And you know, she would be in my like live streams. You could hear her talking about things while she was like knitting little characters and stuff. And so when it got to the point where like things gone, had gone south in our relationship and we weren't living together anymore, I was like,

okay, fans are going to start to like wonder where the hell Sarah is. And they already were. And then they're going to try to like wonder where the hell Sarah is and they already were. And then they're going to try to find things out and then spread rumors. And then the next thing I know it's going to be like all this misinformation. And here I am dealing with the ridiculousness of like splitting up from someone and then the potential for divorce and all this insanity in my own personal life on top of like, how am I going to explain this to the viewers? And how am I going to explain that i'm being like a total jerk or kind of like you can see it on my

face and table talks that i'm like visually visibly unhappy something's going on like what's wrong with steve he seems angry or weird and obviously i've got all this terrible stuff happening in my personal life so there has to be some sort of explanation. And to me, there had to be some sort of like setting the record straight type thing. What do you, I mean, with so much change from, you know, you met her at a really difficult time. Yes. She helped pull you out of that. Yes. You continue to go through a difficult time. You changed a lot personally. Was this a, well, we fell in love in high school and now we're different people. Like what is your. I think it was very much that it was one of those things where it was like, so we, we got married in 2006.

We had known each other at this point for like 12 years. And then, you know, something like that, 12 years, 11 years, and then married for like eight years. And so it was like, we got to a point where we were changing so much as individuals. And because of my intense busyness in the YouTube world and because of like I started doing other work and I started traveling abroad, I would go to like start traveling to different conventions and I would be home less and less. And it started to become one of those things where it was like my personal life was almost non-existent with sarah which was unfair to her so it just got to a point where it was like i'm not being fair to her because she wants something out of life and she's not being fair to me because i want something else out of

life so it was this very mutual kind of like this is what we need to do right and for me it's like i'm am i gonna not take these opportunities that could lead to something bigger and better for us just because like you know we need to be more personally together and do that kind of thing and so is we were both being unfair to each other for what we wanted in life so we just decided let's just call it off let's just do this let's just move on how difficult was that the heart i mean i'd say the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life for sure i mean it was very very difficult i mean obviously i very much was in love with sarah and we were very much in love with each other

so it was one of those things that was like we were so young when we decided to get married that it was like it was almost like in a weird way it was like destined for failure it was destined to be some sort of like we would split ways and grow apart and change so it was it was very very difficult but i mean and even more difficult to be like is this what i want in life am i making the right decision by ending a marriage by mutually ending a marriage because like this is what i want out of life but i mean it's not it wasn't just that obviously there were many other little issues here and there like little relationship issues but it ultimately came down to

this is this is something i've always wanted to do with my life and i need to pursue it and i can't not go that way you know right do you guys still talk we do we do we didn't there was some very difficult times in the beginning and some animosity and some anger and but now we're super cool now it's like I'm happier than I'm ever than I've ever been in my life and so am I and we're both saying these things to each other like this is the best decision we both could have made and I think it's like the fact that she's happy and like feels amazing and feels better than she ever has is like perfect for me it's I love that I want her to be happy I want her to move on I want her to get everything she wants so like now that she's kind of like on this

road to doing that I feel so happy for her I feel so happy for her. I feel absolutely happy for her. Are you happy or are you just starting to be able to get happier? Like where are you in that process? Oh, I'm happy. I'm happy because I'm no longer wasting someone's time that I care a lot about. And in the process,

I am fulfilling my personal needs as well. So I'm like in a really good place right now. And in your vlog, you said 2015 was a year of change. Huge year of change. And you're now almost six months into that year. Yeah. So what's changing? I mean, I'm definitely not like the like married guy i'm definitely now this like just this kind of disconnected

from that kind of weird lifestyle guy so now i'm just kind of like this free man that is just kind of like not super concerned with with this other person that i could potentially be offending or not spending enough time with or something like that not to say that like oh relationships suck or marriage sucks or whatever but it's like those responsibilities not being such a massive weight on me and the and those and the ideas of the arguments and just kind of like the endless frustration is being gone makes me a completely different person it makes me a completely different person. It makes me happier. It makes me, I feel like I concentrate more on my work. I feel like I'm more focused on where my career is heading. I don't know.

I feel like it's the best thing I could have done for myself, for my career, and for my emotions. And how do you think that change is going to manifest itself in your career? I mean, we talked about, okay, well, a source fit isn't going to last forever. Does that change that you're experiencing personally lead to this desire for a professional change? Yeah, I mean, I think it does. And I think the fact that I'm putting out an album this year and actually doing it is a big deal. Because before, it would be something I would just talk about and be like, oh, I want to do that and I'm going to do it. And then I wouldn't because it would be

like, well, you know, I've got this other life I'm dealing with and, you know, I've got, you know, my wife and I, this, and I've got all this other stuff going on and these vlogs. And now it's like, not to say that I have more time, but I just feel more focused on things that I definitely want to and need to do with my life. And I feel like that's where 2015 is. And that's writing songs about whales, about whales, about animals.

Yeah, exactly. And, uh, what is the little, the cute little thing? What is the axolotl axolotl, which I will look up immediately.

You got, if you can even spell it, I dare you. Oh, well, I'm going to be Wikipedia-ing this thing right after this. Yeah, Wikipedia the hell out of it. I'm going to Wikipedia-ing this. That's even a word. Well, listen, man, thanks for being so candid with us and sharing your story. It's cool to get to know you.

Yeah. And there you have it, our Ear Biscuit with Steve Zaragoza. Tweet at Steve, his handle is Steve Zaragoza, G-O-Z-A. Hashtag Ear Biscuits, let him know what you thought of the conversation and that's always good. So we really do appreciate that and reviewing this show on iTunes. And I have taken it upon myself to look up the axolotl.

You Googled it? I did. He said you wouldn't know how to spell it. Well, I misspelled it at first and then they asked me. See who's right. Did you mean this? I mean, how would you ever know to say this? A-X-O-L-O-T-L.

Axolotl. Yeah, axolotl. Oh, I thought it was A-X-E-L-O-T-I. Axolotl, not axolotty. Axolotty, okay. Yeah, that would be an axolotl that it's a member of the Illuminati. Is this worthy? Yeah, okay, yeah. Is this worthy of a Steve song?

I mean, based on your Googling? Oh, I mean, this thing is ridiculously interesting. It's extinct? Well, it's crazy. So it's also known as the Mexican salamander or the Mexican walking fish. The picture on Wikipedia is not that, this picture right here, one that's in captivity

is really, really interesting. It's an underwater creature? It's a salamander. Salamanders aren't necessarily underwater, they're amphibians, aren't they? It's, yeah, well, I mean, yeah, I guess amphibians, I mean, they need water to survive. They have to be close to water.

But anyway. It looks like a deep sea creature, the thing. Yeah, but it's not. As of 2010, wild axolotls were near extinction due to urbanization in Mexico City and consequent water pollution. So they're like living in the interior of the country because you know Mexico City is like land bound,

landlocked or whatever. So this is a freshwater salamander. But a four month long search in 2013 turned up no surviving individuals in the wild. So people are like going out and trying to find these things. So there's still some in captivity, but they can't find any in the wild,

at least in terms of, since 2013. So I guess it's just gone extinct, man. It's kind of sad. I guess it is gonna be a lullaby as this thing slowly fades into non-existence. Maybe his song will have an insurgence and bring him back. I don't think that's how it works. I don't think a song is gonna bring this thing back, Link.

If the song makes them want to procreate, then maybe it will. If it's not a lullaby, but more of a slow jam. Okay, a slow jam for axolotls. We need to tell Steve that. And then- Slow jam that axolotl. And then we're gonna bring them back and let them loose in Mexico City.

All right. Okay, sounds like a plan. Maybe we should do that. We could be a part of that. We should start a foundation. I don't know if we're committed to that plan or the foundation, but we are committed to delivering another Ear Biscuit into your ears holes. The Association for the Establishment

of a New Axolotl Population via Slow Jams. That's the name of it. You can figure out what that spells. And try to pronounce it on your own time. Yeah. Hear at you next week.