Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Kinks We've Tried (Or Will Try) | Ear Biscuits Ep. 394

Episode Date: September 18, 2023

Sextember is back! In this episode, Rhett and Link are exploring the kinkier side of things by talking about some of their thoughts on unconventional intimate practices, what they’ve tried, things they’ve never heard of, as well as hearing suggestions from some of you about what to try between the sheets.  Get your Scent of the Set Candle at mythical.com! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. How you start conversations. You can now make the first move or not. With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, it's sex timber! We're doing some sex talk once again.

Was that a sex noise? It could be. It was just kind of an echo. Okay. You ever made your wife echo? In the canyons? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

So third year in a row, we're talking about sex. We've done it differently, not just sex, but talking about sex every year. This year, we're going to do a couple episodes this week and next week where we're using your prompts, your questions, your comments to kind of fuel the conversation. This week, it's all about kinks, y'all. It's all about kinks, kinks, kinks, kinks, kinks, kinks. That's the kink canyon. Yeah.

Kinks Canyon. You ever been on a hike in Kinks Canyon? Uh-uh. Lincoln Kinks Canyon? Yeah, your name rhymes with kink. So it seems like you'd be all about the kinks. I can butt right up against it. Ooh.

Depending on... You know, you want to keep sex stuff fresh. You want to keep it exciting. So, at least I do. So, for me, I like to be exposed to new things. I like to expose myself to new things. Well, I actually think that that is a really good principle. So I'm curious today.

For people who have been married and screwing the same person for a very long time. Yes. And I think I'll speak for myself. I'll speak for you in a second. I'm going to tell you something that you don't know I'm going to tell you about. But I'll speak for myself and say that I think... About me? Yeah.

That my sex life has gotten better and better over... My wife and Jesse and I's sex life has gotten better and better over the years. And I think that one of the things is, you know, learning each other and that kind of thing. You're still just having sex with just her? Yeah, just her. Yeah, me too. With my wife.

Yep, thanks for clarifying. But I do think that the paced out sort of boundary pushing, not pushing too fast, too quick, but not going too slow and just doing the same thing every time. Just slowly experimenting over the years and trying to pace that out over the course of your marriage until you get to that part of your marriage where you don't even want to have sex anymore, like when you get old, like real old.

That's a myth, man. Man, when you're like 88. I'm sure there's 88-year-olds having sex, but I'm just saying their drive to have sex goes way down when you get to be elderly. I'm not talking about that. I don't mean to get ahead of myself here, but gerontophilia is the kink classified as an erotic age orientation where a person

is sexually attracted to elderly people. Elderly people. Elderly people. While it's common for people to- Well, I'm tall. I'm going to die early anyway. Romantically gravitate towards people who are older than them. For example, you could have a 20-something person being attracted to somebody in their late 40s.

That could happen. That's a- You hear of that. But that's not really- I thought you were talking about like grandma and grandpa. That's not gerontophilia because older does not always equal elderly. Right, that's when you want a philia adjantra. Are attracted to people age 65 years and older.

Yeah, gray hairs. I think it has something. White hairs. Well, let's not say gray hairs. I think it has something to do with the discounts, the fast food discounts. Ooh, yeah. You know? Right. You go to Carl's Jr. or Hardee's, you get that. Man. I think it has something to do with the discounts, the fast food discounts. Ooh, yeah. Right. You go to Carl's Jr. or Hardee's, you get that little discount...

Senior discount. ...on some hashbrowns, and it makes you... Some jalapeno poppers. Makes you a little jalapeno horny. Makes you a little jalapeno pop. Okay, so yeah, there's people who like this. What I'm getting at is I think one of the reasons that this... These are the things you're going to learn today.

This type of discussion is healthy, and how I'm going to apply it personally is that I'm like, okay, what things can I take from these suggestions and bring them back to the bedroom, have a consultation with my wife, see if she's open to any of these things. You're going to have a flip board for that? I'm very scientific. I wear a lab coat when I have sex. Okay. A lot of people don't know that, but just a lab coat. Yeah.

I'm completely naked and I wear a white lab coat. It opens in the front? I'm the professor. Yeah. You know, the doctor is clocking in. It opens in the front and it flips up in the back. Yeah, I can flip it up. I flip it up if I wanna show my ass. Right. Right, right.

Sometimes I wear a stethoscope. Oh. So, but... Is it battery powered? The thing I wanted to tell you, my friend... All right, we're already getting into it. Is that... We both have done this.

Neither one of us have ever grabbed... No, I have. This part. I never grabbed the node of my... Check the tape. I've done it before. I like to make sure it's tight! But I actually was doing it before you, and I was thinking... It's contagious. Oh, I think I'm doing it sexually. It's like yawning.

It's like nipples. No, but you hadn't done it. And then you did it. So I'm sitting here fondling my mic nipples. Mic nipples, yeah. Go ahead. He's gathering himself. We recently had sex in the same bed. Oh yeah, that's right.

I've got the exact response I was hoping for from Jenna's face. That is right. I from Jenna's face. That is right. I didn't see my face. Not at the same time. Spoiler alert. Gotcha. So, and your wife.

Could that be? Your wife is the one who pointed this out in our group thread, by the way. She said it was the first time. And I was like, can that really? There's no way that could be the first time. But then the more I thought about it, I was like, can that really... It probably is the first time. There's no way that could be the first time. But then the more I thought about it, I was like, yeah, I think maybe it's the first time. I mean... It's the first time that I can confirm that to be true. I've never slept in one of your beds. Like, I've never slept...

Never slept in one of your beds. I've never, like, house sat and slept in your bed. Nope. Nope. Um... or vice versa. Well, let me tell you how I know. Because you didn't even have to tell me that you had sex in that bed for me to know you had sex in that bed, which is the part of the story that you didn't know I was going to tell.

What is going on? Well, give them the context. Link and I recently, with our wives and some other close friends, took a little weekend getaway trip up to beautiful Big Sur. Oh, what a wonderful place. One of the best places in the world. It's just the fact that you can drive there in a half a day from where we're at. Redwoods. It's wonderful.

Beautiful weather. Just a great energy out there. Just a great energy. And an amazing coastline. Pristine. We stayed at a little place. And an amazing coastline, pristine. We stayed at a little place where everyone is in kind of individual cabins. This is the third year Christian and I have been there. We kind of have a pilgrimage.

First, so this is the third. Shout out to Glenn Oaks. Yes, third time that Jesse and I had been to Big Sur, but first time that we had been to this particular place, beautiful spot. And we were staying with our friends in a kind of a group of cabins and then uh everyone left and y'all were going to go to a different place instead a couple of extra days jesse and i had not really planned well in advance but basically that last day we were like let's just see if we can stay here at this place an extra day.

And the place that we were staying was like a two bedroom place with a, you know, with some other friends. And so we didn't want to, we didn't want to stay there. We wanted to stay in the place that y'all stayed. Cause it's like his own little individual cabin. Yeah.

And we checked and it was available. Backing up a second. The last day that we were there, Jesse and I... The last day that I was there or the last day you were there? We were all there. Okay. We were all there. You were still there.

That's key. You know, there's that little, they call it the fairy circle, which is where the... It's like 14 or 15 redwood trees in a circle. You can stand in the middle of it, you can look up. You think there's 14 to 15 trees there? I counted them. Oh, if you count the little ones on the outside.

Mm-hmm. But the big ones, there's like eight big ones. Okay. In the middle. I mean, the little ones, I'm not counting the little ones. They look like a pine tree. But it's a phenomenon that when a redwood grows, and then I think it basically dies, but then it has its children trees around it, and so then it creates this cathedral, and it happens a number of places in that part of the world.

Naturally. It's awesome. It's like literally walking into nature's cathedral. Yeah. Which, incidentally, is that not where you took the photo, your selfie that is your James and the shame? Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, like my single covers for my album,

I was trying to figure out what am I going to say because I've got my album cover for the EP, but I was like, what am I going to do for the singles? And I was like, oh, I'll trying to figure out what am I... Because I've got my album cover for the EP, but I was like, what am I going to do for the singles? And I was like, oh, I'll just use

one of these pictures. I took it in that fairy circle. I didn't have sex in the fairy circle. You didn't. But Jesse and I were in the fairy circle together. And we were like...

Should we? What is that noise? Oh, what is that noise? What is that noise? Oh, what is that noise? What is that? Ah. Ah. What? Yeah.

What is happening? And honestly, I don't know if it was you or your wife, but I heard y'all fucking, man. I heard y'all fucking coming out y'all's cabin into the fairy circle. And there was like music playing, but then there was some like, and I was like, I honestly, I can't tell if that's Link or Christy. I can't tell. Don't embarrass me. Don't embarrass me. And yeah, so first of all, congratulations. It sounded like someone was having a great time.

And we were like... Because that's not something that's happened either. It's not like we've heard each other. We weren't listening in. It's like, you know, sometimes you just hear somebody having a conversation, and you're like, whoa. I mean, I'm here. They're at the table next to us,

let's listen in. No, but we didn't do that. We didn't listen in. We laughed and then we walked to a different area. I didn't stick around for the full show. Was it like, ahhh? That's me. With his little glottal fry. I gotta say, a-oo-ga! A-oo-ga! That's also me. Been known to do that. I was gonna say, it was a bit cartoonish.

So it must have been you. Yeah, there was glottal in there. A-oo-ga! I was like, whoa! The pitch of it was like, I don't know if that's a male or female voice. A-oo-ga! And I've never heard them have sex before. The pitch of it was like, I don't know if that's a male or female voice. And I've never heard them have sex before, but they seem to be. I think you're talking about when we invited Grover the Muppet to join our festivities.

I will say, the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard it was that someone was in trouble. I was like, someone's in trouble. Someone's hurt. Don't run into that burning building. It was like somebody someone's in trouble. Someone's hurt. Don't run into that burning building. It was like somebody stepped on a nail. That was the first thing. When the sound first started. Well, that's a little bit bigger than a nail.

And then it resolved, and I was like, oh, someone's having sex. Oh, someone is Lincoln Christie. Step on my nail, baby. Step on my nail. I heard your nail getting stepped on, and then I walked away. But then it hit me the next night when I was fucking my wife's brains out that I was doing it in the same bed that you had... ...the night before. Did they change the sheets, I wonder?

It's a hotel, man. Yeah, they changed the sheets. Was there evidence of that? They were fresh. They didn't smell like Grover. Yeah. So anyway, I don't... Hey, better to be...

I mean... I feel a little bit closer to you and your wife. Okay. Because the thing is that I got closer to you and your wife. My wife and I got closer to you and your wife, but your wife and I didn't get closer to us because y'all went first. So it's like if you drink a drink after somebody, you're getting a little bit of them, but they're not getting a little bit of you.

So I'm open to returning the favor next year. I'll pick a room. Thanks for the offer. And I want you to understand. I don't want it to be on my mind. This is not the... I don't believe that this means that we're going to have sex in the same bed at some point. That's not where this is heading.

I'm just letting you know. We've been friends for 39 years. We've been married for 23, 24 years, however long. And this is a first for us, and I just wanted to say, I'm celebrating it. I feel so much closer to you. Okay. And I don't know if that's a kink, having sex in a bed where your best friend

just had sex. I mean, like 24 hours before. So I don't know. Hold on, I just remembered. I did step on a nail. No, I didn't. You stepped on a nail in Colorado. We didn't talk about that.

Let's talk about that. You did step on a nail. But it didn't. You stepped on a nail in Colorado. We didn't talk about that. Oh, well, let's talk about that. You did step on a nail. But it didn't hurt me. Well, can I say one more thing before we get into talking about kids? I really thought that I was in my own space and that, you know, you can make... When you're out in the woods revving it up... It's an old cabin. Not a lot of insulation. I think you may have had the window open, to be honest with you. It was very clear.

Oh man. Can I say something? I like vocalizations. And Jamie, Jenna, feel free to give me your perspective on this because I'm going to throw something out there that may be controversial. But I think it gives me – it feels like it gives me a little, like, freedom for us to just be honest as we discuss the kinks, right? So, obviously, kink shaming is a thing that, as we have gotten more comfortable talking about kinks publicly, and I'm talking about we as a culture, the idea of avoiding kink shaming has come up, right?

Yep. So you don't want to make, what is it? You don't want to yuck someone's yum. You don't want to yuck someone's yum. That's right. You don't want to make someone feel less than because they're into something that you're not into. Right. And I should, you know, I'll

define a kink right quick. Just to give that context. A kink is the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts, or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a bend, i.e. a kink, in one's sexual behavior to contrast such behavior with, like,

more expected or understood or, you could even say vanilla, sexual mores. And it's in contrast to a fetish, which is a sexual attraction to objects or body parts of lesser sexual importance, or none at all, like feet, toes, or certain types of clothing. So those two things are very different. So that's what a kink is. It's like being turned on by something that's not mainline sex. sex. And can I just say that I think that

what makes a kink a kink by the very definition that you just gave us is the fact that it isn't conventional. It isn't traditional. It's a little bit subversive. That's what makes it interesting to me. Subverting expectations.

I guess what I'm saying is that maybe I'm misunderstanding kink shaming. I'm not trying to shame anybody. But if you're into something that's weird and I have like a, ew, or a, ha, I don't know how to react to it, isn't that because it's subversive and unconventional and and great for you? Like, why does everyone have to accept your kink? Isn't the point that it's not accepted by everybody? That's what makes it a kink. That's what makes it cool, man. Like, I just don't understand. Why do we have to be like... It could be part of the excitement. Every single thing that every single person is into is good. It's like, well, every single thing that everyone thinks into, that's your thing.

Just do it. Who cares what people think about it? Right. I think there's a difference. I think the line is not having an honest reaction to it, but then having a judgment about it. But I might have a judgment about it. Okay, like a judgment about the person who likes it. If I found out that you like to shit in somebody's mouth, I would be like, dude, that's gross. Because I think it's gross. But do I think it's like wrong or I think you shouldn't do it?

That's not on our list, by the way. But I'm just saying like, yeah, that's weird, man. It's weird to want to shit in somebody's mouth. That's okay to be weird. It's okay to be subversive. It's okay if you do something that not everyone does that people think is gross. Why do we have this additional insistence that you got to think that me shitting in someone's mouth is cool? Am I misunderstanding king shaming?

It's more of like people that king shame will not add the, but that's cool for you after. It's like that's the distinction. that's cool for you after. It's like that's the distinction. It's like if you make fun of something or if you're making them the butt of the joke because they're into this and now you're like, I view you in a different light

and now you're weird. It's like that's the distinction. Whereas what you said, you're like, I think that's gross, but you do you. I'm glad that you found what you're into. I completely understand. I don't disagree.

It's a personal judgment. I don't disagree, but I also think... But we can't... We have to reserve the right to have just a reaction to the practice. Yeah. It's separated from the practicer. Well, I guess ultimately what I'm saying is that, like,

but if somebody feels a little bit shamed or a little bit judged because of someone's reaction to their kink, I kind of still think that's part of the kink. That's ultimately what I'm saying. I think it's okay. It's part of human culture. It's like things that are weird, things that are outside of the norm. I think it should be expected that if you are subverting expectations,

you're going to ruffle some feathers. Yeah. That's kind of part of the definition. If everyone starts doing something. It's no longer a of part of the definition. If everyone starts doing something. It's no longer a kink by the definition. Then you got to do something else. I don't know. Maybe I'm misinterpreting it.

And I don't think. But that's just. And I think the thing that I'm curious about and interested in is the development, experiencing new things in a consensual environment with, you know, obviously consent is paramount, you know, when you're involving another party or parties, I guess, you know. So now that that's being said. I think a similar way to look at it, if I may, is just like. You may, of course. Don't even ask. Kind of like when you see Americans go to different cultures and try

different foods and make a very gross, over-the-top hatred of a certain culture's food that is very much loved there and it is their own thing. It's like you can dislike something but be respectful of the said thing. Yes. I get that. Right. Right. I get that. My personality is different.

Oh, I hate the taste of this. My personality is different. Like if somebody tasted something that I really liked, like I would be like, come on, man, you should like this. But if they were like grossed out by it, it would just be more, I guess I could see that because it would be kind of annoying. It would be kind of annoying. And for me, it's like, oh, I hate the taste of this.

It's different than, I hate you for liking this. That's true. That's a big leap and a strong line that we're not going to cross. Now, if you want to feel like you're having sex with us present or in our special place of work, well, then, yep, you can buy the GMM, the scent of set. Yeah. You can have sex with this candle burning. You can probably have sex with this candle.

I don't know. We may get to that later. It smells like the set. We're going to talk about wax. It smells like all the things on our set, including our two bodies. We put our musk in there. And it's good. It is a good smell.

You can get this thing at mythical.com. And you can drip it on your body. Which is a kink. Yeah. You can if you want hot wax on your body

it could be the hot wax of GMM set. There's there's ways there's certain Don't use this. I would not tell people

that they can do that. Yeah. This is a soy candle. You're saying it might not be the right wax. It might not be the right wax. It's not made for that. If you don't know how to do it, if you don't know how to do it. Well, the scent of set is not made for sex.

Wax play involves dripping hot candle wax onto a sexual partner. It is a thing. Yeah. It depends on the type of wax. And then also you want to make sure, just as a disclaimer, blow the candle out before you pour the wax. Yes, yes. Blow the candle out before you. Okay.

There's a way to go about candle dripping. There's nothing sexual on the bottom of our candle. It doesn't say. Right, yeah, yeah. Don't tell people to do that. And then they do it and they don't know how to do it. Do not put this candle in your ass. Because it is... Yeah, it doesn't have a

way... It's glass. It's glass and it doesn't have a handle to be able to pull it out. You'll definitely be going to the ER. Just smell this while you're having sex. You'll be the story of the month at the ER if you put our candle up your ass. Also, on your first burn, don't trim the wick and keep it lit for two to three hours.

Trimming the wick is also a kink. It's circumcision. And I'm a participant. I don't even endorse it. I didn't have a choice. This episode is brought to you by LEGO Fortnite. LEGO Fortnite is the ultimate survival crafting game found within Fortnite. It's not just Fortnite Battle Royale with minifigures.

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circumcised now. What times are those? I don't know, I just feel like. Because I completely agree. Because like, I don't know, it feels like that... Because I completely agree. Because like, I don't know. It feels like that...

Having a full sheath. More protection. Having a full sheath seems cool. For the special parts. I also think it makes... I think you can last longer. Because it's like having a built-in condom. It's not...

It's like having a built-in condom with a hole in the end. It doesn't work like that. I don't even know how. Have you ever seen an erect, uncircumcised penis? I guess. Well, that little mushroom head that you might have. Yeah, but when you. Doesn't.

I do have. It pops out, but then it goes back in to the foreskin. The foreskin is right there the whole time. So what I'm saying is it's like having a condom that has the end cut off that's going up and down as you have sex. And I think it lasts longer with a condom. But it only goes on when you pull out. Yeah, but that's enough.

This is what I'm curious about. It's 50% coverage. It's like a condom that's on 50% of the time and doesn't have... And the semen just goes right out the... It's totally ineffective as a condom. God's condom. Like, foreskin is not God's condom. It's God's ineffective condom.

It's God's condom. I'm saying for the sake of lasting longer. We know so little. Everything I just said is true, man! No, you said it was God's condom. Except that. That was a euphemism. Was it like that? Yeah, because that was me.

No, that sounded exasperated. Okay. Oh. No. It's more like this. All right. Let's get to some voicemails. We're too far into this. Let's get to some juicy juicy. There was a problem playing this audio file. Let me try again.

I think it's because maybe I preloaded it. Oh, yeah. Then you got to refresh. Let me try that again. I thought I was doing something smart by having it pre-loaded juicy juicy okay so for gme link mentioned something about a butt plug and then never said anything else about it. So I'm going to need an explanation for that. Yeah. You deserve one.

Okay. Yeah. Well, on Good Mythical Evening, maybe it was in the Good Mythical Evening more, I teased that I was going to finally talk about my experience using a butt plug, if, in fact, I did. Uh-huh. Because last year, during our sex timber conversations in this venue,

we interviewed Emily from the podcast Sex with Emily, which we recommend if you want a more knowledgeable. You ought to hear her talk about uncircumcised penis. Yeah, it would probably be informative and not just dumb. She probably wouldn't call it God's condom. She was a great guest. We learned a lot and she mailed us some toys

including a butt plug because that's when I learned that you had used one and I felt betrayed because you hadn't told me. And I felt like I was behind, you know what I'm saying? Pun intended. And I had to catch up.

Well, that's not how it works. Also, pun intended. It's fine. First thing I did was I took the butt plug and I slathered it with ketchup. Oh, God. You know, you got to make sure this thing is totally lubed up. Better than mustards. Butt mustard.

Bust a nut with butt mustard. Available at mythical.com. Butt mustard. So it's mustard-flavored lube? Uh, no. It's just yellow lube. Okay. But it doesn't sting. Stingless butt mustard. Yeah, okay. From your friend's Rhett and Link.

It's the same consistency as mustard, so it just like, you can just kinda squirt it and it just stays in a pile. It's for those who want... You gotta shake it up first so you don't get that like... Those who want their lube to be more viscous. That like, that like, just off yellow, pre... Put it on your wiener. That's our slogan! Double high five!

Oh, come on. I'm gonna spread my fingers. Come on, man. What are you hiding something? Hold on. I'm holding onto the chair. You got your left hand in your pocket. Are you about to bring out the butt plug? No, it's on my...

With mustard all over it? It's on my hand. Not available. I was grabbing the, you know, hey. Anyway, one high five. Here we go. Put it on your wiener. Butt mustard, put it on your wiener. Yeah.

Stevie would like this. Put it on your buns. This is her kind of humor. Put it on your buns, put it in your wiener. Put it in your buns, put it on your wiener. Butt mustard. Mythical.com. Back before we realized we didn't want to do a ghost kitchen, we were talking about

doing Rutten Link's wieners as a... as a... We got pretty far down that line, actually. Well, we checked it out and we realized that

we couldn't get... we couldn't make food that we really liked. It's hard to make good wieners. And this, of course, now everybody's... Ghost kitchens.

Everybody's talking about, you know, the Mr. Beast burger and his lawsuit against his own situation because his burger... Quality control, man. Quality control. And I got to toot our own horn here. We backed out. We totally pulled out of the idea. But the idea was Rhett and Link's wieners.

Seriously. I mean, yeah. I was gonna have a hot dog. You were gonna have a hot dog. Stevie was gonna have a hot dog. Josh was gonna have a hot dog. There was all these signature hot dogs. And plus, I don't really like hot dogs. I was like, I'm gonna have to really like this hot dog if I'm gonna start selling hot dogs. We also were like, in the middle of

the pandemic when everyone is doing takeout, I'm a hot dog guy, and never once have I gotten a hot dog takeout. Because it's like, well, you're going to get this hot dog, it's going to get, like, transported to your house over the course of 30 minutes. You don't want that. Are we still calling it butt mustard if it's just lube? I mean, it's not just for your butt. It's for your wiener.

Or anything. But the implication is that we, it's not just for your butt. It's for your wiener. Or anything. But the implication is that we want you to put it in your butt. But I think that it comes with a little applicator. So Emily sent us a butt plug. Just one. Yeah, and I scooped that thing up. Because apparently you already have one. And it was a nice deep purple color.

And it kind of had – it's kind of – I wish I would have brought it. Me too. I wish you had. How weird would that be? I mean, it's thoroughly washed, but – Just like those sheets up in Big Sur. Do you pull the sheets back, though? No, man.

I didn't look under the sheets. Don't look under the sheets. Honestly, I didn't think about it until after. And then your wife is the one who sent the text, by the way, on our thread. Yeah. Yeah. Just saying. Let's see.

So I had this thing for a while, and I didn't use it. You're just sitting there looking at it on the counter. And then I decided, you know what, I want to use it. Yeah, I left it on the counter. I put it on, it was on the mantelpiece. It was in the box in my bathroom drawer. Okay, yeah. And then I finally was like you know what i

gotta i gotta i gotta get this thing in me like we gotta i gotta i gotta get out of the drawer and i gotta into my rectum yeah and because i'm just curious about it you know she was trying to remember how big this thing she was saying she was saying that you know you could get quite a euphoric effect from it. And I don't remember what you said to back it up. You're so silly. I don't know. I think I said that it was enjoyable to some degree, but not like my go-to thing.

Try it every once in a while. But it's not like, oh, I not like my go-to thing. Yeah. Try it every once in a while, but it's not like, oh, I've got to do this every time. I know some people are really into it, but that wasn't. I actually haven't. I don't know. I don't think I've used it in 2023. It didn't become a part of your travel sex toolkit. You can leave home without it.

I usually leave home without it i usually leave yeah right um i was gonna bring it to big sir and then i i kicked myself because i forgot it but at the time i pulled it out and then i was like i was looking at the instructions and stuff and then i'm like oh shit i gotta i gotta charge this thing because it you know if now see that vibrates on different settings and there's a wireless remote control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not even wired.

So somebody else can be in charge. Yeah. They could even be in another room, I guess. You could wear it out. Yeah. That's what people do, man. They could be across the table at an Italian dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I've definitely thought about that. That's what people do, man. They could be across the table at an Italian dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I've definitely thought about that. That sounds pretty cool. I haven't done the whole thing where there's like... Because they do... Obviously, there's ones that go in the vagina as well, and you can basically have something that's inserted that you're out on a date, and you've got a little remote control, and you're like... Sending some Morse code. The waiter comes up, and right when she's ordering, you're out on a date and you've got a little remote control and you're like, you're like, Sending some Morse code?

The waiter comes up and right when she's ordering, you're like, I'll take the outfit. Waiter! Marsala! Okay, so, when did I first try this thing? It's been a while now.

We had a special trip. We had a special trip. We were at a hotel, and I told Chrissy, I was like, I'm bringing this thing. I want to finally try it. Off-site. You don't want to do it at home. Off-site. Don't want to desecrate the bedroom.

I charged it at home when I thought I was going to use it and need to be charged, and then I was like, all right, now I'm ready for this thing. And you know, it goes inside, and then there's like a, what would you call it? It narrows so that your sphincter closes around it so it doesn't pop out. Yeah, and then it has a thing on the outside. So you can get it out again. Yeah, that like is a... Handle.

It's kind of like if you were mounting like a deer head on the wall, and like just picture like the wooden thing that hangs on the wall that the deer head is mounted to, then you mount on the wall. Yeah. The, what's that called? The flange. Yes, the flange is the word I'm looking for. So if you were sticking a deer head up your ass.

Yeah, right. You would want to make sure that it was flanged or else it would get stuck in. You would have to get, you might have to go get a doctor to fish it out. Right. Yeah. Right. So the rest of it is not shaped like a deer head. It's shaped more like a, like, more like a goose head.

Uh-huh. So if you, just picture mounting a goose head on your head. It's shaped more like a goose head. So just picture mounting a goose head on your wall and then taking it off and then gently... That's the only thing I've got mounted on my wall. Like putting lube on it. Lots of lube. And also lube in your rectum as well. Do you do that? in your rectum as well. Yeah. Do you do that? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, you can kind of know if you're...

Ready. If you're free and clear for a little entry, you know? Yeah. It's like you've... And then there's... So right there, like, right on deck, there's not going to be any issues. Yeah, you're talking about poop.

Yeah, you don't want to be, you want to have pooped earlier and then know that everything's good to go. Right. You don't want to take over a bear cave with a bear in it. You wait until the bear leaves and then you go into the cave. Yeah, like, I mean, I do, I've literally seen, I was watching the TikTok of a guy going into a cave and then all of a sudden he was just like exploring this cave.

And down deep in there, there's a damn mountain lion just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, okay. Get that cave clear. And you know, he did back out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He didn't turn tail and run, which you can't do with a butt plug either. It goes out the same way.

It doesn't, it's not like you're doing a three-point turn. It's a great analogy. Great analogy. You can grab the flask and just pull it out. The flange. Unless you've got the model that's attached to a flask. Slurp it up. So we were having some fun in the sexual arena in our hotel. I can imagine what that sounds like.

Just re-access what it sounds like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I'm going to try this at this point. Okay. So I reached over and I did a little lubrification. Honestly, I wish you had brought it because I would like to see the size of it because, you know, the kit that I got was three, three plugs,

one really small, one medium, and one large. And it's a training kit because, in fact, I listened to one of Emily's episodes where she talked to this doctor all about butt stuff. I listened to it before I did this too, just so I would know about it. And it was the time that you need to get your asshole to adjust, there's a number of things that are happening. So I don't remember how big this one was,

but going for it, that's- It wasn't, It was a beginner. Like, she sent us that one on purpose. Okay. And it wasn't an issue. Like, when I put it in, it's like, okay. I mean, honestly, it kind of feels like, at first, it feels like you kind of have... You're taking a shit.

You're turtleheading. Yeah. You got a little... But then, you know That's not what's happening And yeah It It goes in past like The sphincter

And then like when you So when you squeak You're kind of like Naturally holding this thing in Just like in a Just in a normal Relaxed Semi-relaxed sphincter position

Uh huh And then I was turning that thing on, and it was fun. It was a fun little, oh, wow. And like Christy was, you know, we were laughing. It was playful. Mm-hmm. She's like laughing at my reaction to it when I like put it in,

and then when I like turned it on. I don't even think I gave it to her. You didn't let her control? No, of course you didn't. Not at first. Not at first. I wanted to like just kind of know what was happening. Then I just put the remote.

I got it on like a steady setting. It might have had like a mild pulse to it. And then, yeah, it was an added dimension of sensation to sex. And it was not only playful and fun, but once I got over the fact, yes, I accept the fact that it's in there and it's doing something, I was like, this is fun. And I liked it. I didn't dislike it. I didn't love it fun And I Liked it I didn't dislike it

Yeah I didn't love it But I liked it And But the big question for me was Would it Help with some sort of Orga

Like the Intensify What's the walnut What's the Prostate Prostate orgasm Cause I was like So intrigued about that

Last year And I wanted to experience that Like she I mean Emily talked that up It's like It could be explosive Uh

Like an explosive Orgasm And I'm like That was the main Motivator For me to Try it Secondary was all the other

Just the fun And experimentation Um And But before we got there for me to try it. Secondary was all the other, just the fun and experimentation. But before we got there, we were like, you know, there was, when you're at a hotel and you're having sex, you're like, you're trying to, we had time, you know, we're kind of drawing it out. We're like, you know, it's not just pick a position and make it happen. It's like, hey, let's reposition. Let's maybe take a little bit of a respite. Let's get a little bit of a sip of champagne.

Oh, a little bubbly. A little change of position type thing. And I'm just keeping this thing in the whole time. Well, as you should. There's no reason to take it out.. And I'm just keeping this thing in the whole time. Well, as you should. There's no reason to take it out. I mean, you can wear this thing to an Italian dinner. Yeah. You just don't want to go to sleep in it.

Oh. That's what I've been told. Oh, well, I wasn't about to go to sleep. Just saying. Take it out before you go to sleep. Okay. Thank you. And one of these times that I was changing position and I was kind of like, I was trudging across the bed on my knees.

Oh, yeah. You popped it right out. And then all of a sudden, this thing became a projectile missile just soaring across the room. This could be GME next year. International darts. Yeah, I did. I was like...

Shoot butt plugs at the map. And I mean, it bounced off Chrissy's forehead. She's like, what was that? No, she was in front of me. And all of a sudden, she was like, what's that looking face? I was like, I have just fired this butt plug halfway across the room. I got to go find it. So I'm rummaging to get the thing.

It happens. And, you know, shoved it back in there. And then I didn't experience what I'll call the walnut orgasm. That's just what I'm gonna call it. That's what it is in my mind.

Okay, are you saying an orgasm that is brought on exclusively by the butt plug? Or an orgasm that is brought on exclusively by the butt plug or an orgasm that is impacted by the butt plug? I feel like my normal orgasm was not, I don't recall it being like phantasmically exponentiated. That's what, and that was what I was hoping for. Well, if that was the case, then everybody would have one every time they came.

I think I need... I might have tried it once since then. But it's just I don't have it in the right... Actually, I don't know where I put it. When I was looking for it for Big Sur and I couldn't find it. It might still be in your ass. You know, it's like when you got your glasses in your hand. Where are my fucking glasses?

Oh, it's been in my ass for a year. I think you'd probably know. But I want to go back to it. My experience with the orgasm side that you were talking about, it's two-fold. Because I feel like, I'll startfold because I feel like I'll start with the negative and then I'll end with the positive. The negative for me is I feel like, and I think this is probably a mental thing, is I don't feel like I fully accepted it so that I feel like it has this like dampening effect on the orgasm, the moment of orgasm. But then, you know how, and this is both, you know, men and women experience this.

Basically, like during an orgasm, there's this pulsating that happens. And if you look at somebody's butthole when they're orgasming, it will be doing a thing, right? And if there's a butt plug in there, that is very intense. That part is very intense. Yeah, you're right. Sort of like the second half of the orgasm. So I'm kind of torn.

Not literally, I use a lot of lube. But I'm torn between those two things, and I feel like a part of it is just sort of, it's a mental sort of... You can't practice. I think part of it... We both need to practice. I think one of the things that I'm kind of into

as related to it is it does feel a little subversive, right? It feels like, oh, there shouldn't be something in there right now. But that's kind of what makes it like a kind of appealing, you know, to me. And so if you're walking around with it and you bend over, there's like the flange is kind of a nice little. Well, you can get ones with tails too. Oh. You can get ones with like a little furry tail.

Oh. Yeah. I want to go back to it. Like a cat. I want to find that thing. I want to recharge it up. And this is a good reminder that I want to- I haven't done the powered one yet.

I want to give it another shot. I might have to borrow it. Okay. Yeah. Yep. Want another voicemail? You want to go down somewhere? Well, somebody said, it was Divorce Guy on Twitter,

East Concerto, said, splashing. It's all Divorce Guy said, and I did not know what splashing was. Thankfully, Jamie has defined terms for us. And splashing. Jamie used to work on Sex with Emily's podcast. Yep, for five years. Five years. So you know a lot of stuff.

You're so bored right now. No, not at all. But it was funny because when you started talking about the butt plug, I put a link on the thing. I think I know which one you're talking about

like specifically. And I wanted to see if I was right. We Vibe. Yes, that's it. We Vibe Ditto. Oh, it's got quite a flange. $97 from their website.

Is this her proprietary product? No, WeVibe is another company. But I believe that... Do I want to accept these cookies? Yeah, right up the ass. Yeah. I think that flange... The reason why that flare is so big is it's supposed to hit your perineum a little bit.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So it gets in the taint a little bit. Oh. I got to get me one of these, Link. Back to splashing. To your warranty. Discreet packaging. And this one comes with a really funny story that I don't know if you remember, but you were there for it.

It's not what you think. Sploshing. If you're turned on by mess, then this might be the kink for you. Sploshing is a kink that involves a sexual response or attraction to being surrounded by or immersed in wet substances. These are often food-based.

Think cake sitting, jello tubs, pudding. Pudding? Pudding, you're a pudding man! But also might involve non-food substances like shaving cream or anything like that. Cake sitting. That has a potential to pack a splosh.

So this wouldn't be... I like the idea of... We sold them. Oil. Oh, that's smart. Getting oiled up. But that's different. And the only... I mean, getting really oily is fun, but then you're like, oh, what about the sheets, man?

Got to change the sheets now because we got oil on the sheets. Unless you get a waterbed and take everything off and it's just the rubber and then you get oiling on that. Plastic. Never done that. Thought about it. But this is food. on that plastic never done that i thought about it but this is food and we'll come we'll come back to whether or not we think we're into this yeah but i want to tell i want to tell you a story

i don't remember when this was it was it was years ago we were with somebody who we did not know well and we were having some kind of like creative meeting and at some point it was just oh now i remember who it was but i'm not gonna say who it was it was in this room it was in this room on the podcast not on the podcast it was a creative meeting that was in this room we don't have many of those but for some reason we had Okay. I think because some element of it was being recorded. And I don't know how this came up. We were talking about so many different things and it's a brainstorming meeting. So like things get wild and you just go everywhere. Yeah. And he was like, oh, I got to show you this video. I got to show you this video. I don't remember yet. I got to show you this video. I got to show you this video.

I don't remember yet. I got to show you this video. And he turns his computer around, and the three of us watch a woman, a naked lady. Okay. Sit her bare ass on a cake and fart. Why do I not remember this? And, because you blocked it out, man. Oh, my God.

Because as we was watching it. He was embarrassed. He was embarrassed because he was like, oh, I kind of. Wrong video? No, no. He was like, I kind of forgot how sexual this was. And I was like, yeah, it's pretty fucking sexual, man. It's a woman's bare ass.

She farted on a cake. You gotta say, what kind of cake? What kind of cake? Why the hell is that the first thing you're thinking about? What do you mean, what kind of ass? What am I supposed to ask? I mean... What kind of fart?

I mean, it was just like a white cake. Like a wedding cake? It was just like a white wedding cake. Angel food cake. All right. And a flat top so you could put your whole ass on it. And then she farted. Great.

I mean, I wasn't not into it, but that really wasn't the point of the story. I wonder what was his point in showing it to us if he didn't realize it was a section. He thought it would be funny. Okay, okay, okay. And it was one of those things that you kind of remember, and somebody says something, and you're like, oh, let me show you this thing. Based on your reactions, Red and Link, I am now realizing.

And then he was like, I feel stupid, man, because I just showed you guys a porn video. I can't believe you don't remember, but it was a good laugh. I'll have to, you'll have to refresh my memory. Now, you're not really a mess guy. I'm messier than you, but I don't like messes.

And I don't, I'm not one of those people that doesn't go to the beach because of the sand, which is actually a really high percentage of the population. Me neither. But, After neither. But...

After sex... But I don't necessarily embrace it. I don't wanna have to wear a hazmat suit after sex, you know? I don't wanna have to bring in qualified personnel to do a deep clean. It's just like... I think it's the inconvenience. It's the inconvenience. If I could go to a room... Right. If I could go to a room...

Right. If I could go to a place and it was like the Puddin' Hotel, and it was like a place that they had puddin' on tap... And I had been there the night before. The beds were full of puddin'. Right. Fresh puddin' the next night that I go. That's...

That's... This is a good idea. Like... Like a kink hotel? Yeah. You can puddin' up your whole room And it doesn't matter because we're gonna clean it We're gonna hose it down

Yes, it's a rubber room Yeah It's a rubber room Everything's waterproof Maybe it's lined And then the liner is removed That would make me comfortable If there was a liner over everything.

Room condom. Yep. Yep. God's room condom. Yeah. People probably do this kind of thing. This is... Well, there's like sex dungeons.

You don't want to do it at your house. I mean, listen, half the time I don't even cook because I don't want to clean up. You know what I mean? Exactly. Exactly. So it's like, I'm going to be like throwing pudding all around the room. Can't do that. You got to have a designated place for this.

But sitting on a cake is manageable. Yeah. You know, I bet it feels good to sit on a cake bare ass. I mean, it feels good to swim naked. It's just near that. If anything, it's a memorable experience. If my wife sits on a cake

in front of me, I'm gonna be thinking about that for months. You know what I mean? Because then you're eating the cake. And even in the middle of being mad at her, two months later, I'm mad at her, she did something, I'm annoyed, I'm about to yell at her, and then I remember her ass sitting on that cake, and I'm like,

this woman sat on a cake for me. Yeah. I can't yell at her. You know? So I definitely think that kind of thing, it could help with that. A lot of assing on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just slathered with assing. Well, we gotta get like a, maybe there's a hot dog shaped cake,

because people can make cakes that look like anything these days. It's like a photorealistic, large, extra large hot dog shaped cake that we then put our butt mustard on. Okay. For the commercial. For the commercial. For the inevitable commercial that's gonna run as a pre-roll on Pornhub. We make the best, we make the best cakes for sitting.

Yeah, get a cake. Cake sitter. Get a cake, get the butt mustard. Whatever you... Mythical.com. Whatever you want. Get a babysitter and get a cake sitter. Room condoms.

Full-size hotel room condoms. Right. It's just a big plastic bubble. You have to blow it up yourself and eventually it, like, fills the whole room. No, it comes with a pump. It's a plastic mold. Mm-hmm. It's a bubble with an air compressor. And there's an adhesive. It's like a reverse vacuum seal. There's an adhesive on the outside of the bubble that is activated by heat.

And so you blow hot air into the bubble and it seals the room. You go in there, pudding, butt mustard, bodily fluids. It is sweaty, man. Oh, but that's the whole point. You're sweating and you're loving it. Oh gosh. And then you just check out. The moisture. You just check out and you just pull. You just pull the room condom out. Take it straight to the dumpster. There's a lot of waste. We got to work on it, but it's biodegradable.

I do not want to walk past that dumpster on exit. Maybe we provide this service and we come and pick it up. Oh, you're volunteering to do the worst part of this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We come and pick up. Hey, it'd pay good money for that. We've come and we'll pick up all the room condoms. We have a big van, a big sprinter van, and we just take it, stuff it in the back.

We'll take care of it. We come. You come. We come. You come, then we come. You come, then we come. Yep. So we come to your house and do this?

Any room. Okay. We have a deal with Motel 6, though. Motel 6? Because we have a deal with motels because we can back the van directly up to the room. Yeah. We don't even, half the time we're like the trash men, we don't even get out of

the van. If you can... Can we make the back of the van look like an ass? So when it backs up, then the ass sucks in. The ass sucks in the room condom. But one of us, in our early days, one of us has to get out to grab the room condom nipple and attach it to the, just put it into the butt plug. Tie it, tie it. I think we might need cowboys. We need cowboys for this.

We don't tie anything. It's all mechanical. It's all machines. I think at first you got to have a cowboy do some sort of a lasso. Sucks it right in the van and then we're off. Why not just the van is a sex van and we back it up to your house? Oh, so it's like the bang bus.

Is that what that guy did that we interviewed? Remember when we interviewed the guy, he were on Ear Biscuits and we like- The tally. We started asking him about the fact that he was in porn. He was apparently like- And we were uncomfortable. the fact that he was in porn he was apparently like and we were uncomfortable yeah he was in he was in a porn at some point and it was in a bus yeah because there's like a bus i don't know if they still do this but banged bus there was a bus

and you know it was all it was all fake but it would make it seem like they just picked people up on the side of the road and then had sex with them. But he could... A little exploitive. But the thing is he wasn't... He didn't perform right. He had a little performance anxiety, I think, was the thing. Did we ask him about that? I think we asked him indirectly and he didn't want to talk about it. I wonder why. I'm surprised you asked him about it. I wonder why. I'm surprised you asked him about it. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you.

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powerful backing of american express visit amex.ca slash ymx benefits vary by card terms apply we asked a lot of we asked some hard-hitting questions on this podcast that we used to have people on. I mean, we're already at 56 minutes, but we haven't even talked about that much. It's going to be a two-parter. I mean, we're going to talk more about some stuff. We're having so much fun. Let's hear another voicemail. Because the, well, the thing that I want to, that the bang bus makes me think about, or like being a porn star, like if I found myself in a bus

and then I was asked to bang, that, I mean, you were talking about exhibitionism right now, right? Which is one of these. Some people really get into this. Where is it? Here it is. Exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which the person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaging in sexual activities by others.

I've – I think I've fantasized about being watched. I think I could go here. I think I'm open to, I guess, being a porn star? That's a bit of a leap. Is that a leap? Or just, yeah, it's like just being, I don't know, there's something about, I mean, I'm teetering on the positive side of this one. Like, I'm not afraid of it.

Yeah. Now, I'm not saying that if you put me in the bang bus that I could, I mean, I have no idea what I would, if I would be able to do it. And, I mean, that's not taking into account anything about the fact that, like, I'm, Christian and I are both monogamous, and we're not going to do that. But, you know. Well, you could have I mean

there's lots of people there's lots of couples that'll do like an OnlyFans and not show their faces but you've got now you've got tattoos I've got markings

you've got recognizable things I mean but there's I mean there's some you know people who you know corporate executive by day

okay dominatrix by night kind of thing. So the door is open. I mean, in fact, this is the most exhibitionist point in human history because of the internet, because of the ease with which you can put yourself out there. I mean, obviously... When you think about porn star, you're actually... You're doing what I do quite a bit,

which is thinking like an old man and thinking that the step would be to be... Really, it would be to have an OnlyFans. If you want to show yourself off, I mean, that's... Okay. That would be the thing that you would be considering. I'm just saying. I'm not suggesting you do it.

I'm not suggesting you not do it, Link. But there's a part of me that likes the idea. I mean, we're already performers. We already put ourselves out there. So I guess I'm comfortable with a certain... I'm like over the judgment of it. I guess I'm confident enough that I wouldn't be too concerned about that. Is it, how much of it is like, would it be fun?

How much of it is an actual turn on? I don't know. I mean. I probably will never know. We talked about before the, when you go to a big city, when you go to New York And you're in a hotel Yeah And there's the hotel across the way

Or the apartment across the way I definitely have found myself thinking Leaving the windows open Will be A turn on Yeah Yeah Do you know what I mean?

I don't know I like that idea I think we talked about whether or not That's like some sort of Is it a practice? Violation of someone's I like that idea. I think we talked about whether or not that's like some sort of... Is it a practice? Violation of someone's... Rental agreement?

Well, because if you go out onto the street and you show your dick, I mean, you can get arrested. That's indecent exposure. Right. And if you don't want someone who doesn't want to see or someone who shouldn't see right um i don't remember where we landed on the whole wind across the across the street window situation yeah i don't think i don't think uh i think we backed away slowly and now and we shouldn't go back there but yeah there's something as long as yeah there's something intriguing about it, but I'll leave it at that. Where were you going to go? Well, this is actually – I don't – I just see the title of this one. I think this is about something that's really common that I don't think either of us have done, and so let's discuss it.

Listen, y'all. You guys are tall. You have shorter wives. It's about damn time to try bondage already. Not like the scary, intense kind. Like the fun kind opens up a whole new world. Try it. I recommend.

So we're talking like handcuffs, like being tied to the bed. Being physically restrained, like consensually, physically restrained, so then it's like I would be relinquishing complete control. And then there's a fun of like, oh, what's she going to do to me? That sounds like fun. A blindfold and handcuffs or, you you know like you have like the cloth things you can tie somebody to the bed yeah so never done it we haven't done it we've talked about it the funny thing is is that um with me and jesse it always is we'll try anything once, but I think that sometimes it's just the inconvenience of it.

Like, oh, you got to buy this stuff. Yeah. Okay, we got to plan. Neither one of us are great planners. We're not great planners. And so if you want to plan something, you have to make the purchase. You have to have the stuff. You have to say, we're going to do this tonight. Right.

But there's no awkwardness at this point in our marriage and really never has been when it comes to like well let's try this or let's try that we have a very our communication is super open and our willingness to try things is super high so i just think it's on us to just be more it's not the openness that's the problem it's the it's. It's actually being like, we're going to do this. Tonight, I'm going to tie you to the bed. You know what I'm saying? I'm going to do it. For us, it's not the openness.

Yeah, you find a way to ease forward into things and try things. So, yeah, we're at that point where it's not an issue of openness in general. For us, it's where we're very routine oriented if it ain't broke don't fix it you know if it if it's working count on it kind of a thing so we don't our instinct is not to branch out we're we're we're similar in that way i think that's why like the romantic weekend away, get a hotel room for a night or two. I'm a fan of the two-night hotel room because then you have the whole day.

The thing that you got to know is that the first sex when you get to your romantic getaway is usually going to be the most amazing unless you take care to understand what it could be and that you don't go too wild too early. Because if it's a Friday night and you're going too wild and you're 45, then you're like, you know what? That was a big win.

Now let's just hang out by the pool. And it's like, no. Saturday is our big day when we have the most time. We're going to take our time, and we're going to have some things that we've planned or some things that we're bringing to the table, which may include some sort of bondage-type stuff or anything like that.

That's why the butt plug came into play. It was like, all right, I'm going to save this for the second day. It's going to spice things up. I have this anticipation and excitement around it. Does that make sense to you? It does. I mean, I think specifically with bondage, I mean, this one is a super popular one. It's like kind of the first thing that people think about when they start thinking about kinks.

If we're going to show kinks in a movie, you know, I never watched almost a Grey's Anatomy, but Fifty Shades of Grey's Anatomy. My favorite porn. Fifty Shades of Grey, but my understanding is that there was some bonded stuff. Because it's the way to sort of represent what I might even call an entry-level kink, which is why I'm kind of like, I'm almost ashamed of the fact that I haven't done it. You should be. I'm kink-shaming myself for having not done it yet. Because we're both into the idea, both willing to do it, but you've got to get the equipment.

Blindfolds is super easy. We do have a blindfold, and we have used that. It allows you to focus on different sensations, I believe. I think for me, my biggest struggle in the whole sexual realm is my patience and taking it slow. I have to, you know, you've seen me eat before. Right. You see how quickly I—

I've seen you eat food before. Yeah, right. And it's that mentality. You know, I take a glass of chocolate milk and I drink the whole thing in about four seconds. And so my personality is very like, you know, I'm moving quickly. And of course I don't, I have severely slowed myself down when it comes to sex, because obviously that's not what my wife wants. And I've made it very clear that rarely do, let's just say there's that book, She Comes First. That's my policy. She comes first.

So I'm not ever skipping out on that. Unless it's like an occasional quickie where it's just like, she kind of knows this is just, she's kind of just doing this for me, right? But that's pretty rare in our relationship. But this mentality of pacing things out and saying, we are gonna take over an hour. The whole point to me is that this is becoming a process that's like focused.

And it's like, I'm going to do some things to your body right now. And you're not going to know where I'm going to touch you next or what I'm going to touch you with or how I'm going to go about doing this. And to me, that's because we're the same thing. I mean, I think this is for couples that have been married a long time. I think you do get into the routine. It's like, well, we do it this way, and then we do this position.

And if somebody is typically more of the in control person to relinquish all of that, and if your ankles are tied and your arms are tied and you literally can't move, it's just like a physical, it doesn't hurt, but it's a physical manifestation of this is, I cannot, I am not in control. I am very interested in that.

And I think it's a lot like, it's a little bit like a roller coaster ride. I think that there is a safety, there's an underlying safety. And the same reason I like horror movies and roller coasters, if they don't make me sick, is that you kind of know that you're going to be okay.

You're trusting the process. You're trusting I'm not going to get killed at this movie. I'm going to watch someone get killed at this movie, right? And so I think there's an element of that with Bondage. I think there's an element of that with a lot of this stuff. It's like there's some subversive shit going down. But with butt plugs, it depends on the velocity of the— You could die.

You could die from a projected butt plug. Right, right. But I think that that is the thing. There is this sense of safety that underpins everything. But you're doing things that if I was with someone that I didn't trust, this would be a scary situation. Right. And it is, that's, I think it's okay to acknowledge that. It's okay to, I think that happens in role play a lot of times, which we can talk about a little bit and whether or not you've done any of that. But I

think that there can be situations where like, this doesn't, this situation wouldn't feel safe if it was actually happening, but I'm doing this with my partner who I trust, and there is this sort of intersection of the trust and the subversion that happens that's hot. Hot. It's hot. I mean, it's just, I mean, to me, it makes me think of, like, just talking dirty.

Like, I say things that I don't say in my normal walking life But in my laying life I say some stuff Now, this one says roleplay And I don't know what it actually is Hi, Link, my name is Amberlynn And I have a kink or something like that suggestion Specifically for Link and Christy.

I think that Christy should try dressing up like Jade and see if she finally gets the love and affection that she deserves and desires. Yikes. I love you guys. Bye. Okay, I'm going to kink shame this. That's not, yeah, I don't, that's not, my relationship with Jade

is a non-sexual deep connection. Right. It is platonic. Right. But if Christy wanted to dress up like another doggie... Like a furry situation at this point. A doggie. Isn't that one of the things that makes furry things?

Like have a different name? Makes furry things the way that they are? I don't know, honestly. Well, okay, but what is your experience with role play? Like, how does that manifest itself? I don't think... I'm not coming up with any instance where we've had role play. Really?

Like... I would have thought that you would have... I mean, surely. I'm not coming up with any instance where we've had role play. Really? Like. I would have thought that you would have. I mean, surely. Like sometimes I might. Sometimes I might use a voice. Yeah. But, no, I've never like, we've never like taken on alter egos or like set up some sort of situation like we're pretending to be, well, like the mailman,

bringing your mail. That would be a good one. We love to do this. Sorting the mail. Now, I don't do it as much. Can you help me sort this mail, ma'am? I don't do it as much as I would like to, but it isn't like a planned thing,

but sometimes like, like Jesse will be in the bedroom and it's about time to wrap things up for the night. And I kind of come in and I like open the door and say something like, oh, excuse me. I thought this was my room. Okay. And she knows that, oh, he's acting like a man who just came into the wrong hotel room.

She immediately, she's an actor. She's an actor? She goes, very much a performance background, she goes into her living room. Her orgasms are very convincing Yes And she And then we kind of like play that out And it's most of the time Impromptu

I'm trying to make her laugh Are you dressed differently? No Of course not I've never dressed up See cause I I think when I think of role play I think of like an extreme version

Where it's like That's again It's a lot of trouble Now you get into the trouble And the inconvenience And we actually This wasn't necessarily sexual But it makes me lot of trouble. Now you get into the trouble and the inconvenience. And we actually, this wasn't necessarily sexual, but it makes me think about, and I told you about this, because it happened at the same place.

Jesse was out at the ferry, this is right before, right before I heard you and your wife having sex. Oh. I went out there and Jesse was in the fairy circle. Oh, it was at that time. Yeah, and I was like, I'm going to circle her. And act like I'm a forest creature or something.

And so I started circling, and I guess you could call this foreplay because we didn't end up having wild sex like an hour later but I wasn't thinking of it as roleplay at the time but I was just like I started circling her and then

I was well we kind of like moved out of the fairy circle because we heard you guys and then we were like went to a less populated place and so I was like this is gonna sound so strange but i was but i was like i i was like you be the forest queen and i'll be the little twig boy who's just trying to take a little twig out of the woods and so i like this little twig i like came out of the woods. And so I like came out of the woods and I was like, and she was like, what are you doing?

And I was like, I'm just a little twig boy. All I want is just to take a twig. All I want is just to take a little twig and be on my way. And so then I'm luring her into the woods with my little twig. And then when she gets into the woods, I mean, little twig, yes. And when she gets into the woods, yeah, I mean, little twig, yeah. This is pre-arousal.

And I'm luring her into the woods and then when she gets into the woods, I'm like, I'm not the little twig boy. I'm the big bad wolf. And so then we like

did a little thing. We made each other laugh. But then what I... It's other laugh. But then what I... It's not romantic. But then what I... This goes deep. Some Narnia shit. What happens is that the wolf then realizes that he is the little twig boy,

acting like the big bad wolf, acting like the little twig boy. So did you get some or not? Yeah, but I'm just saying. I mean, like, what?'m just saying I mean like what? We had I mean the fucking Inception going on here We had an incredible time

Just making each other laugh With this With this like role play But we loved doing that And again I quit being the little twig boy And became the big twig boy Later

And I was no longer Using any accent But sometimes it'll be like Oh I've got a sort of A weird accent or something. And there's a lot of laughter involved in it. Yeah. We make each other laugh.

I think that's really the key is- And then I kind of drop the voice. Oh, yeah. And then I'm just myself again. Oh. But- I thought you meant drop the voice. But the role play thing is fun.

And I think that it doesn't require any equipment. It doesn't require any in preparation. You just come in the door. You're a new man. Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your office hours? You know, office hours today? Mrs. McLaughlin?

Oh, professor. I need some help with my, I need some help with preparing for the next psychology test. Maybe anatomy? Yes, for the anatomy test. Anatomy exam. And then the next thing you know, you're fucking. I mean, after some conversation.

I mean, the playfulness that we're discussing here, I think it really opens up so much. I think it really opens up so much Like if you take time To have sex And It's not just let me get a Let me get a sip of champagne Or let me Let's just let's take a lap around the bed

It's like you prolong it But there's also like conversation And it doesn't sometimes Chrissy and I will be talking about stuff It's like Um It's just like everything doesn't have to be like super sexually cinematic it can it's just like connection you're looking in your partner's eyes you're you're laughing you're having a conversation or maybe you're just talking about something that you know like you know you're you're connecting on a cerebral level.

And you're hanging out with each other. And, like, all of these things can. And then you can move into a more sensual place. And you can take a breather. And you can be in more of a, hey, we're just hanging out. We're still naked. And we're going to go for it again in a few minutes. What's the refractory period?

You stretch it out, you know, and you make it a, you don't make it just about the conclusion, but you make it about the process. And it can be easier to do that if the setting and the schedule is a little bit different, like on a vacation kind of thing. It can be easier. Exactly. It's tougher sometimes.

You're like, oh, well, we want to have sex here before we go to bed. And it's just like, okay, this is going to be difficult to really commit to an hour-long process here because we've got to go to bed. Right. We've got things we've got to do in the morning. And for me, it's like if I want to experiment with something, well, then there's a risk of it not working.

And then there's a risk of it not working and then it's like you know and then there's a risk of frustration and there's a timing is involved and you know it's a whole other discussion of like bringing that getaway energy back into like your normal

day to day or week to week or whatever your you know your pacing, your desired pacing is. Let me, I'm going to just, I know because we're pretty long, we're going to stop here in a second, but. Yeah. Jamie did this research for these different sort of lesser known things.

Let's go through them real quick. Rapid fire. I love that. Give me your reaction. Are you into trying this? Okay. Abrasion, a BDSM subcategory. This involves becoming sexually aroused from harsh or scratchy surfaces

such as sandpaper or steel wool. A little pain. A little pain with your pleasure. Steel wool, no. Sandpaper, I don't, like, I don't know. I guess if it was rubbed in the right place. Like a cat's tongue, like sandpaper level. Like that, you know, I'm not saying I'm gonna involve a cat. I'm't know. I guess if it was rubbed in the right place. Like a cat's tongue, like sandpaper level. I'm not saying I'm going to evolve a cat.

I'm just saying. I don't like the idea of getting hurt. Steel wool rubbed on my skin. I don't know about this one. I need to know specifically what to do. I'm sure the internet could tell you. Hashtag ear biscuits. Actorasty?

I don't know if I'm saying that right. There are a number of fetishes that revolve around the weather. Now, these are fetishes, so you're kind of like, either you're into them or you're not. Kinks are more like, try it. Fetishes is like, is this your disposition? But I guess you can maybe explore it. They revolve around the weather.

There's brontophilia, the sexual arousal from thunderstorms. Uh, xenophilia, the sexual arousal from snow. Uh, actorasty, the sexual arousal from rays of sunlight. No, I mean, I, I would like to have more sex outdoors. That's as close as I can get. Well, the opposite of that is claustrophilia, which is the sexual arousal produced by being confined to a tight and closed space. The sensation of being physically trapped can lead to sexual gratification for some.

I think I'm not claustrophobic. I don't like being in tight spaces. But I think the idea of being in a space that two people really can't fit in and the only way to get out is to have sex. That's pretty hot. Like the key to get out of this escape room. Is between her legs. Yes.

I have the key. She has the lock. That's the only way out. I kind of like that. Keep going. Okay. Well, I mean, we could have a number of escape rooms

we could have I'm just saying if we're gonna do this whole room condom thing and it's actually just a van yeah

I think there could also be like a coffin in the van that people want to get into the small coffin we also it's also lined

okay yeah so let's not call it a coffin unless we're gonna call it a coffin this is actually not uncommon and I think my impression is that the Okay. Yeah. So let's not call it a coffin unless we're going to call it a coffin. This is actually not uncommon. And I think my impression is that the Gen Zers are really into this.

Maybe I'm just old and out of touch, but erotic asphyxiation, which basically is the choking thing. Okay. That seems to be... So you reduce your oxygen level to your brain while you're ejaculating or orgasming? Yeah, I mean, some people end up pushing it so far that they end up dying. This sounds too dangerous. But you guys tell me, isn't this becoming really common? Yeah, it's something you hear a lot. A lot of people are...

common yeah it's it's something you hear a lot a lot of uh people are the one complaint is a lot of people just assume you're into it and then just try to kind of go for it which is not good because obviously you want to make sure people are comfortable first but also there's like a certain way to do it like you don't want to like grab on where they can't breathe you want to like do it a little farther out instead of like if you try to grab just where the adam's apple is like you'll actually they won't be able to breathe and they'll pass out but if you do a little farther out instead of like, if you try to grab just where the Adam's apple is, you'll actually, they won't be able to breathe and they'll pass out. But if you do a little light on the sides of the neck, that's where it's less dangerous,

just for those who want to do it. Yeah. This is scary. Do you think that this is, I mean, surely this is the case, that this is an effect of people watching a lot of porn like everyone's seen this everyone sees these things done and that's a really common thing to be done in porn and people are like you got all these all these young folks watching porn and

they're like i'm gonna try that and so now it's kind of become this thing that a lot of people are doing. I'm not making a particular judgment about it. I know very little bit about it, but it feels, especially when it gets into the like, I'm going to do this without asking, without talking about it before because this dynamic is something that I've seen in porn, which, you know, not to mention, we've talked about this before, but like the number of like

step-sibling shit that's happening in porn right now that it's like this is talking about subversive. I'd much rather sit on a cake. Right, yeah, yeah. Next. You can choke a cake all you want.

Let's not go dangerous. Rapid fire. You might be into this one. Melolagnia. Melolagnia. Okay. Is a fetish that involves being turned on by music. Now, this doesn't simply mean having a go-to Spotify playlist when you have sex.

I do have that. But rather experiencing strong sexual reactions in response to music and also fantasizing about certain songs or genres. Arousal can derive from a combination of the musical elements including the singer's voice, beat, repetition, or even the quality of the composition.

Wow. I don't go any further than the content of I like to DJ my sex sets I don't go any further than the content of... I like to DJ my sex sets, and that's important to me, because music means so much. It impacts my vibe so much.

But there's certain songs that are like... The content is very fantasy-driven, and it's very specific. It's very visual and very sexual. Do you go all the way to Genuine, like Ride the Pony? Because that makes me laugh. That's a bit of a sense of humor in that. Now, we will listen to something like that, but I actually find myself wanting to listen.

Occasionally, I'll pull up music that I actually don't like, that I would never listen to outside of a sexual encounter, like an erotic playlist, where it's like this is something that you might hear in a club in Croatia. You know what I mean? Like this is a different kind of like Euro thing, and there might be some like orgasmic sounds that are like being thrown in there in some ethereal ambient way.

Sometimes, because that makes you feel a little animalistic, but I would never listen to that music because I like the music, but I feel like that music indicates some sort of action, some sort of atmosphere and mood. You want to go with some sensual drums. Right, whereas if you're listening to Barry White, can't get enough of your little baby, to me I'm just kind of like, this is just funny to me.

Yeah, we've done it though, and it does work. I have done it as well. From a tempo standpoint. I'm in a different mood. I'm in the kind of like, is this your room? I'm making you laugh, role play type place. But when it's just like,

we at our core are two animals who were put on this earth to fuck and reproduce. That's when you want some doom, doom, doom, doom, doom. You know what I'm saying? I'm just saying. That's just... I... It's what I'm saying I'm just saying

It's my rec today I'm gonna give a rec Okay This is my recommendation Travis Scott's new album Utopia It's pretty damn great And you're saying this is a fuckable album

Um The song I know, question mark, is, it'll, it'll slow things down and it can give you a really cinematic experience.

Yeah. Okay. Cinematic. It's not, it's not like a slow jam and it's, it's not, don't get too caught up in the lyrics. I don't.

The vibe... The vibe was... That's my wavelength right now. I know. That's one of my favorite songs off the album. I also love twin bitches. Twin bitches. Twin bitches hoppin' off the jet ski.

Okay. Well, that could be an interesting role play. You're gonna get a big mirror for your wife so she can come in with a life-size mirror and she's twins. She got that twin bitch mirror. Hey, I'm here. I like that. We got a mirror in the van.

Make him turn your wife into twins. I'm gonna tell you, it hurts to fuck a mirror, man. Yo, you gotta make the right choice. You gotta know if it's the mirror or your wife. Right.

But it's just really the concept that you're exploring. Okay, well, I've had a really good time today. I didn't, just because I gave my rec didn't mean it was over,

but I mean, we've been going. It's almost 90 minutes. We've been going so long. We're gonna talk about sex again next week. You know what? I recommend having's almost 90 minutes. We've been going so long. We're going to talk about sex again next week. You know what? I recommend having sex to this episode.

Let us know how that goes. See if you can last the whole time. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Leave us a voicemail, and if you want to record the whole thing, 1-888-EAR-POD-1. We will not play your sexual encounters on this podcast, even if you send them. So next week, yeah, we'll be answering more of your sex questions because, man, we're just having too much fun. We might revisit some kinks.

Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Join the conversation. Hi. I am just listening to the most recent episode about Link dropping Lincoln off at college. And I just have a question for Link. link dropping lincoln off at college and i just have a question for link um at what point between spilling the diet coke and dabbing your son's crotch with a napkin did little michael show up thank you