Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Lily’s Emotional College Send-Off | Ear Biscuits Ep.306

Episode Date: October 11, 2021

This is the moment that Link has been thinking about ever since Lily was born. Listen to Link look back at his emotional family trip sending his daughter off to college in this episode of Ear Biscuits! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card, other conditions apply. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast, where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I am Link. And I am Rhett.

This week at the round table of dim lighting, Link is going to be sharing about a milestone, a family milestone. He got started on the family game a little bit earlier than me. So one year ahead of me, he is pushing or he has pushed his first bird out to the punch. So one year ahead of me, he is pushing, or he has pushed his first bird out of the nest.

So not an empty nest yet. You know what? I get to the empty nest before you. Yes, you do. Because I only had two kids. Yeah, you, I mean. So I get to do the first empty nest episode when that ever happens.

If it happens. Whenever that happens. It's like, emptiness is not guaranteed for either one of us. We both got two in the house. But you just push one, I mean, not really completely out of the nest. You pushed her to college, which is technically not,

she no longer lives at your house. Nope, and she's many, many hours away. And I'm still getting used to it. So yeah, I just, I mean, I'm still gonna be processing this, but I just wanted to share the entire experience with you. I mean, it's, like you said, it's a milestone event for our family and for Lily.

And as it turns out, it's even, there's been even more to process than I anticipated. And I thought it was gonna be a big deal. So yeah, I'll walk you through what it felt like and maybe you'll be a little bit more prepared, but I'm sure things will be different for you. But if my story can help you in any way, dad Rhett, I wanna do that for you.

Oh, I'm sure you do. I mean, because you didn't help me any. I mean, what is there to say? You don't know anything. It's uncharted territory. It's like when I got married, you were like, man, you're getting married. I can't help you with that yet.

Of course, I don't know how much I helped you. Yeah, I was about to say, yeah, I don't recall how much I helped you. Yeah, I was about to say, yeah, I don't recall getting any advice from you before I got married. I just demonstrate what not to do. That's a good point. You know, just watch and learn. That's a good point, yeah.

So it's just watch and learn. Watch and unlearn. I have no clue if there's any lessons that I should be giving you, but you can probably glean things that you'll approach differently than me because, but if I can help by being a bad example, I'll do that. I don't think I did anything wrong.

Yeah, I mean, now I'm intrigued. Now I actually care about this episode. I'm just kidding. But before we go any further, as of the release date of this episode, it's your birthday. So I'm giving you the early birthday so that as people are listening to this, it is the actual birthday, October 11th.

Happy 44th birthday, my friend. You know, thank you for that. We were actually talking with Stevie the other day about the phenomenon that people who do jobs like us have to experience. And that is of course, every single thing, I mean, as much as many people on the internet want to believe that every morning we get up

and record GMM at about 1 a.m. and then release it at 3 a.m. Or Eastern Standard Time or Pacific, whatever it is. That's not how it works, right? We shoot things ahead of time, as Link said, it's not my birthday, but we experience things or we try to convey the experience of things like holidays and birthdays on the day that it airs.

But emotionally, we're never really prepared for that. Like we've also already shot the Good Mythical Morning episode that will air on my birthday. And I think you might've given me, there was a gift of some kind. What do you mean you don't remember the gift I gave you? Well, because it's a blur, man,

because it wasn't really my birthday. I wasn't emotionally prepared to, what did you give me? I don't remember either. Yeah, because you didn't give it to me. It wasn't a real gift. It was given to you to give to me. Right, right. I mean, this is our lives, right?

We live in such a weird world. It was a book. It was a book. It was a book about what? I'm not gonna tell you, well, I guess the episode is out now. So yeah, I can remind you. It was a book about, I think how alphabetically, how great of a person you were.

And I read the book. It was a book. Yeah. It was a book that you had specially made for me. I did, yes. Yes, and then I read it very loudly. I decided on a comedic angle in the moment. Right. Which I don't regret.

Yeah, because otherwise you would have burst into tears. But yeah, so this is putting me in a place where I have to process my 44th birthday. Pre-process it. I think that's good. It is weird, but this phenomenon that you're talking about, it really gears us up for things. I mean, if we had to pre-record stuff related

to our wedding anniversaries and special occasions on that front, stuff that if you forget it, boy, you're a jerk and you're screwed. Well, this is a great way to not forget that your birthday is actually coming, which can happen when you turn 44. Yeah, that's true. What are you gonna do today?

Well, two things. One of the things that has struck me as I've reached my mid 40s, I don't know if this is, I mean, I guess you're technically getting ready, you're sort of like getting ready for your mid 40s as well. I don't know if this is, I mean, I guess you're technically getting ready. You're sort of like getting ready for your mid 40s as well. I don't know if mid 43 counts as mid. I think you're technically early 40s. Yes, definitely.

Maybe more so than ever before. The thing I've started noticing is finding out how old certain people are, are learning that other public figures are my age and thinking, I'm the same age as that person? But that's always been the case. You just, it's new celebrities.

It feels new to me. Are you thinking about a particular? Well, I happened to see Michael Bublé on TikTok. Oh. So you finally found your place on TikTok. And he was responding to, I don't know if you saw the- What a crooner. I don't know if you saw the TikTok going around that had-

I'm gonna say no. You don't enjoy the TikTok. I enjoy looking at how our TikToks are doing. But you don't, you're not a student of TikTok? I don't peruse it that often. I find TikTok, just between you and me. I know you're a Reddit man. I'm a Reddit man.

I'm a TikTok, I TikTok over Reddit. I know it's a completely different thing, but in terms of like the place that it fills in my life, which is right before I go to bed, like a little bit of entertainment. And I'll use this as a teaser, next week, we're gonna go deep into TikTok because of something that we're doing on TikTok

and very excited about it. Well, and we've been talking about- What we can tell you is that this Friday on TikTok, on the Mythical TikTok, which has become very active, if you haven't noticed, doing a lot of stuff over there. So we're talking about the 15th. Yeah, yeah, yeah. October 15th.

We're gonna pull an all nighter, we're gonna write a song, we're gonna do, it's gonna be an interactive series where we write, record, and produce a song with your help. You're not gonna wanna miss it. So go to the Mythical TikTok, which is the only place I'm sure to go on TikTok. And I know that- And hang out with us. And I know that many of you

are probably just like we are, which is- That Friday night, okay. You're resistant to new platforms. For good reason. You should be protective of your time and your attention. And then you have this idea about what TikTok is and it's kids dancing and it is a lot of that. But there's some really interesting stuff happening

over there and we're really trying some stuff over there. So we're gonna talk about all of that. We're gonna debrief about what's happening on our TikTok over this coming weekend on the next Ear Biscuit. So you can save the rest of that. But back to what I was saying. Buble. I don't know if you saw, you didn't see apparently,

there's a famous TikTok of a guy singing multiple harmony parts. I can be brown, I can be blue, I can be violet too, I can be. And there's like six parts. Okay. And it's very satisfying. I mean, I know you hate acapella music. But it's very satisfying for harmony lovers,

which I consider myself. I am that, that's the strange nexus of love and hate. Well, it's very impressive. And by the end, the guy is singing really, really high, like a lot higher than I can sing. Well, this has been parodied and redone. Well, Ryan Reynolds, I guess recently joined TikTok and he did it and he was singing it.

And then the way it stacks up is just like, it says what the part's gonna be. And then like the third part comes in and Will Ferrell comes into the shot and it just says Will Ferrell, then he sings the next two parts and it's funny. And it's got- Because they're on set together for a movie.

Tens of millions of views, you know, of course it does. Traditional celebrities decided to do TikTok and it's like everybody jizzes in their pants. We ain't mad about it. So Michael Buble has a TikTok as well. And he made- What's in his pants? He made a TikTok where he was responding to the fact that now we know that Ryan Reynolds can also sing

and he was just like being very sad about it. Cause he was like singing's my thing, man. Okay, you can act, you've got perfect abs. And now we find out you can sing as well. So I was like, okay, boo. I think he's got a alcohol brand. He's got a great sense of humor. Reynolds or Buble?

Reynolds. So Buble, the crooner that he is, he made the, I actually, I don't know if I finished the TikTok. I got the joke and I was like, okay, I get it, Buble, the crooner that he is, he made the, I actually, I don't know if I finished the TikTok. I got the joke and I was like, okay, I get it, Buble. I'm not necessarily a Buble fan, but I was like, oh, he's got a few TikToks and I saw the first one. So I don't know how long ago this was,

but it was basically him turning 46. And it was like, he had two cupcakes, one with a four and one with a six, and the six comes in and he pushes it out, or the four comes in and he wants to just be six, but no, he had two cupcakes, one with a four and one with a six, and the six comes in and he pushes it out, or the four comes in and he wants to just be six, but no, he's 46. You had to be there, you had to watch it. And I was like, man, well, I'm not as old as Michael Buble,

but I basically am. Like we would be contemporaries. Like we would have been at high, we were in high school at the same time. You know what I'm saying? And I was like, I didn't have any point of reference for how old Buble was, but just because he's like

this crooner who's like doing this throwback thing, I would, if you to just randomly ask me, how old is Buble? I would be like 55. You know what, like I haven't seen him, I don't look, I don't know how old his face looks. He doesn't look 55. It's just in my mind, Buble is 55.

At least he's not younger than you. I mean, that would be the crisis. There are plenty of people who are younger. Like I'm pretty sure Reynolds is younger. Yeah, you're right. Will Ferrell's not. You're right, Rhett. Plenty of people are younger than you. I'm one of them.

That's one thing. The second thing is I'm getting myself a birthday present. That's, you know, that's the best thing to do. Even though my wife said, I'm getting myself a birthday present. That's, you know, that's the best thing to do. Even though my wife said, I already got you a birthday present. Well, but you can still get your own. You don't know what that is yet. Oh, you know what, Kiko, just let me know.

Ryan Reynolds is 44. So we're the same age. That's good too then. Again, he's not younger than you. So there we go. It's funny how he got back to Ryan Reynolds and that bastard's 44. Like, I mean, he does everything. He's got abs, he can sing, he's not younger than you. So there we go. It's funny how he got back to Ryan Reynolds and that bastard's 44. Like, I mean, he does everything.

He's got abs, he can sing, he can act, he's got an alcohol brand and he happens to just be the same age as me. How many kids does he have? I mean, is there something we can have on this guy? I think maybe he doesn't. I don't know, he doesn't have any, maybe. I don't know.

I don't wanna know who he's dating. Kiko will find that out in a second. So what are you getting yourself for your birthday? Well. Better not be a motorcycle. Oh, he's got three kids. He's got three? Well, how old are they?

I mean, there's gotta be something. Kiko's googling so many things right now. How old are, I mean, are his kids younger than us? Is he like, I think he's in the throes of toddlerdom or something. Yeah, surely he doesn't. He's miserable. He doesn't have a kid leaving for college at this point. So we'll find that out.

What I'm getting myself is a guitar. You may think. A double neck? No, yeah, of course. A keytar, actually. A guitar. One, four, and six. So he, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Reynolds, your life sucks right now. Oh man. You have a one-year- yeah. Reynolds, your life sucks right now. Oh man.

You have a one-year-old, you have a demon child. Yep. Sorry, man, we got you. We're better than you, man. So anyway. And I'm younger than you. Well, I think I am technically a little bit too. He was born in 76, but I recently,

you know, one of the things that's happened as I've gotten older is I'm learning to get in touch with what I actually like and what I realized recently, you know, one of the things that's happened as I've gotten older is I'm learning to get in touch with what I actually like and what I realized recently, even though I have three, sorry, I do have three Taylor guitars. It's kind of a long story. I bought one for myself a while back that was a little bit nicer.

We got a less nice one for tour just in case it broke and then it screwed up one night, so they bought a second one. So I ended up with these, I got three guitars. Okay, but they're all kind of the same. Well, they're all the same, and none of them are like really high level Taylor guitars. But I had this thing in my mind,

and a Taylor guitar sounds great. And I remember there was this thing that like, in my mind, it was sort of like a contemporary Christian music thing when we were in college, like all the guys were like playing like Taylor guitars, and it has this like a lot of high end to it or something and it was just like, it was kind of like the Shane

and Shane thing that was happening, like the super fast strumming that was happening back in the day. And so I thought, oh, I like Taylor guitars too. But then I started realizing that all the music that I enjoy, people don't play Taylor guitars, they're playing Martins and Gibsons. They're playing these sort of like older school

sort of warmer, more body kind of guitars and I was like, I feel like I need to finally just admit what I actually like in a guitar. It sounds like this is another aspect of your spiritual deconstruction. It is part, it is, yeah. I don't wanna say Taylor is the Christian guitar

because I don't wanna put that on them and I don't think that that's true. But yeah, so I'm actually looking into- You're getting a Martin. Well, I don't know. I'm gonna go to a couple of guitar shops and play some stuff to get, but one of the things that's happening,

guitar technology over time is that Martin and Gibson and a couple other companies are doing this artificial aging and I'm not talking for cosmetic purposes, but they're basically taking a guitar and making it out of the same materials as a guitar from like the 30s or 40s. And then they're doing a thermal aging, which I guess is a fancy word for baking the wood

so that the guitar essentially- Kind of like distressing jeans. Takes on the physical characteristics of an old guitar, not for cosmetic purposes, for audio, auditory purposes, so that you get the tone that you would have to sit around and wait 70 years for. So I'm looking into that.

I mean, you could just go for a 70 year old guitar. Do you think about that? They're a lot more expensive. Like splurge. I mean, listen, the artificially aged is already a splurge based on what I've looked at. Like how much? I mean, you're not bragging, we're just talking,

we're just being honest. I mean, I think I saw one for like $5,000. I don't know if I'm gonna go that big for a guitar, but this is my guitar for like, this is it. For my birthday. This is the guitar that like, this is it. For my birthday. This is the guitar that I'm gonna die with. I bought. You gotta put it, you gotta give me an extra big coffin

because you're gonna bury me with it. And you know what? As frugal as I am, I bought a bike, an upgraded mountain bike, full suspension. And you know, I dropped six grand on that thing. Of course, my birthday's in June and I bought it a month ago because it took me that long to work up the gumption and then to actually find one in stock.

But like, that was a big splurge. But you know what, I was on it this morning. Might have been the biggest splurge you've ever done. Loving it. And when you- I think my car was. And when you asked me, not to brag about my ability to guess things, but when you asked me out of the blue,

how much do you think I paid for this? I was within one cent in my guess. Because it was a very round price. What, I mean? It was like 5,995 or something. Yeah, but that, I mean, just to pull a guess for a mountain bike out of the air. I mean, I've seen mountain bikes in stores

and they're really good ones. What do you want me to do, you buy you a tailor? Yeah, yeah. Sing you a praise song? So, you know what, I should spend the exact same amount on my guitar as you want me to do? You buy you a tailor? Yeah, yeah. Sing you a praise song? So you know what? I should spend the exact same amount on my guitar as you spend on your bike. Yeah, you should. And then we can trade.

I'll ride your bike sometimes, you can play my guitar sometimes. For a guitar that expensive, a strap might round it up to six grand. Yeah, I think a strap is probably included. And case probably included at that price. When you get really expensive, things aren't included. Like the freaking pedals weren't included on my bike.

Ooh. I paid $6,000 for a bike. First of all, that's crazy. But if you want a full suspension bike, I'm being defensive here, that this is like not even a high end full suspension bike. This is something that you're doing all the time. And I had a hard tail for years and I earned it, okay?

This is an investment in your personal health and your hobby. I don't need to justify it to anybody. But I do need pedals, which I had to buy separately. And I was like, you're gonna put these on for me, at least. Who are you talking to me? I'm not doing it. The dude at the shop who put them on.

I wouldn't know how to do that. You wouldn't trust me. I tried to put together my bike that I got for Shepard that I got online for $299. And I was putting it together and broke it and had to take it to a bike shop. And they were like, oh, another one of these guys, bring in a bike that he- Don't build your own guitar.

That he wants me to put together. And you know what the bike shops do around here when you do that? They make you wait like two months. They punish you because you didn't buy it from them. Right. You know what? I got a lot I wanna share

about sending my daughter off to college. You should do that. Let's get into it. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today.

Leading up to Lily moving away to college, it, I mean, it was really something that was on my mind. I didn't realize how much it had been built up in my mind, but I did have the wherewithal in about a month before she left, I took a day and I kind of carved out a day for me to have like a retreat day. You know, when I'm like doing my own reflection and I can lock out the outside world

and I can just take some time to think and just me time, you know, it's more like the isolation trips that we've taken over the years. Sometimes you just need, sometimes it's taking a hike for an hour or two or going on a bike ride. But I devoted more time for myself and a big portion of it was kind of thinking about

and anticipating what this process was gonna be like. And I was at the creative house. At one point, Mike stopped by and I was talking to him about how I was processing everything. And I was talking to him about it. And then I just realized, I just said, sometimes you realize you're at a point where you can where you feel emotion welling up inside of you and you can make a choice to either like,

oh, my throat's getting tight and I'm feeling kind of tingly, I think I might cry. And it was, I'd kind of built up to that in my own process and my journaling that I've been doing on my own. But then I was sharing it with him and I could tell that that was happening. And I just made a decision. I was like, you know what?

He's a trusted friend, he's here for me. If you were there, if you'd have stopped by, I would have done the same thing with you. And I just started crying. And I just said, the thing that like put me over the edge was, you know, I'm gonna miss her so much. And like, I'm getting emotional now just because I still do, but I knew that it was gonna be difficult,

but it was nice to have this moment where I could just spend a few minutes and just ball like a baby. And Mike's a good guy for that because he's such a good listener and he welcomes kind of sitting with you in that space. And he carries a handkerchief, which he uses to wipe your face. he welcomes kinda sitting with you in that space. And he carries a handkerchief, which he uses to wipe your face.

Yeah, he didn't have a hanky, but it was just saying it out loud, I'm gonna miss her so much was cathartic and also scary because it was still many weeks away. And the thing that I realized was that it was much more built up than I had even thought. And I likened it to like when Christy and I were engaged and then we got married,

she was talking about how much of her thoughts and expectations from a young age were geared towards getting married. That was just something that she, I guess, fantasized about. She visualized her wedding day. And I actually realized that I kind of did the same thing with Lily leaving home and assuming she would go off

to college from a young age, just kind of having this image in my mind. And it's a cultural trope, right? We watched that animated movie that was eerily similar to what we were going through, the whatever the- Mitchells versus the Machines. The Mitchells versus the Machines.

And that's what the story is about. And we watched that as a family. I might've talked about it on Ear Biscuits. I know I told you about it. So the idea of sending, I guess especially your first one off to college is something that's like, it's really built up. And I realized that definitely for me with her

and the nature of our relationship made that so. Because I was at the creative house, you know, I hung a bunch of pictures up in there just to start to put some finishing touches. We put finishing touches on the creative house. Christy and Jesse both worked on stuff over there, introducing more plants and everything into the situation because of what we're gonna film.

And one of the pictures that I put up was a picture of my mom, you've seen it. And I got that picture- The one that you found when you, I think you talked about this on the show. Yeah, because I decided, I didn't get a memento and I went back in my nanny's house to get something from the house

before it was like stripped clean. And I took this picture of my mom that I remember always seeing and I hung it up in my office with some other pictures in a group. I also hung up the picture, the piece of art that was behind me when we did the split screen episodes

of Good Mythical Morning during the pandemic. So I'm trying to, and I purchased a picture that is a replica of the one that was hanging over the mantelpiece at my Nana and Papa's house when I was growing up. So like these things that connect to me, I wanted to put those up. But on this particular day, when I was alone processing

how I was feeling and looking at that picture of my mom, I realized that that picture of her was when she was engaged to my, got engaged to my dad. They took an engagement photo and put it in the paper and like did the wedding announcement thing. Like her parents did that. And that was the moment when my mom was leaving home for the first time, getting married and getting on

with her life separate from her parents. And it just hit me like a ton of bricks that like, looking at that version of my mom in the picture is the place that Lily's at in life. The ages may be a few years difference, but the stage of life of leaving home is the same. And it just, and I couldn't help but feel that when I went back into the house to grab something,

and that was the picture I was drawn to, maybe I'm attaching meaning to it in retrospect, or maybe subconsciously something was going on, but I definitely made this connection that my mom, Lily is now that age and going through this crossing over into this next phase of her life. And it was just a moving way for me to process and also realize that she has,

Lily has her own experience going in this whole process. And then I have my own experience. I started thinking about my mom now and my mom when I went off to college and letting go of her only son. And I just, I realized that I had, well, that Christy and I had our own experience to go through, our own journey in this process

that was separate from Lily's. And it wasn't, we wanna support her and celebrate this, her crossing over, so to speak, but I also wanted to- We might wanna use a different- Crossing over sounds like she's dying. Right. Moving on, that's not good. Moving forward, getting on with her life.

Yeah. Whatever the most positive way to think about it, and that has been part of the struggle, but identifying that I have my own experience in this that is separate from hers and that is much more closely related to Christy's experience and I just wanted to be committed to being there for it as much as I could, being as present as I could,

which is why I've got notes because I've been writing some stuff down that as I've been writing some stuff down that as I've been going through this, it's like, what does this mean to me? And how that's, it's not just a Lily thing. It's also, there's a me version of this. You know what I'm saying? As the weeks continued

and it got closer and closer to her leaving, we started to have more conversations about what it was gonna be like. And Lily didn't wanna talk about it too much. And I could tell it was because she was anxious. So actually having specific conversations, how do you visualize the move-in day? How do you visualize how we're gonna drop you off?

And it was actually helpful because she started saying things. Well, one of the things she said was, she admitted that she was concerned about me being recognized. When she moves in. Yeah, and she mentioned it to Christy first and Christy mentioned it to me.

So I like was able to have more of a reaction with Christy and then figure out how I was going to position myself in conversations with Lily. And what disguise you were gonna wear. And what disguise I was gonna wear, exactly. So, cause it did kind of come to that. I was like, I want to do whatever it takes to support Lily and whatever makes her most comfortable.

And I do understand that she's going off, she's gonna meet her roommate, she's gonna meet people during move-in. And if that first impression is associated, if now she's associated with this guy who's famous on the internet. Oh my God, I watched your dad growing up. I mean, not Ryan Reynolds.

Not Ryan Reynolds. Anything close to Ryan Reynolds. No, not anywhere close. But just kind of like a- Except in age. Yeah. And number of kids. Right.

But not really in any way. I mean, Ryan Reynolds, I mean, he just couldn't help his daughter move in. Like he couldn't do that. He probably couldn't help her move in. I mean, it would become Ryan Reynolds Day at that particular college. That didn't happen with you. So I wore a Deadpool

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Terms and conditions apply. So when I talked to Lily, I was like, mom told me about your concern and I totally get it. And I don't want you, let's just have this conversation because I'm on board for this. I'm actually on board. If I need to just sit in the car or like be back at the Airbnb

and just be on FaceTime or something. I'm willing to do whatever will make you comfortable. But I was really scared because I really wanted to be there. And so when I brought it up to her, I told her that and she said, oh no, you have to be there. And it was like, oh, that feels, I'm so glad she said that, but I didn't say that. I was like, okay, cool, but what,

then let's talk about the details of this. I can wear a disguise. And she's like, well, wear a hat and don't wear that mythical hat, Dad. It's like, sometimes you think you're wearing a hat, people don't recognize you and it's a mythical hat. Yeah, not real smart, but good point for her. I'll be wearing a mask the whole time

because that's gonna be the rule and I can also wear sunglasses the whole time, but when we're going inside, you know what? I'll wear contacts and I won't talk a lot. You'll wear contacts and not wear glasses? I'll wear contacts so if I take my sunglasses off, yeah, I'm not wearing my glasses. So it's one less thing that,

cause people have still recognized me with a hat and a mask on. So again, I wanted to do everything. So that was the plan and I felt good about it cause I could still be there. So you're gonna be dressed like the invisible man. Yeah, yeah. And then I stole your idea of making a cameo.

So Christy and I, and Christy spearheaded this. Before we left, we had dinner with some people that were close to Lily and then we surprised her with a cameo montage of her favorite Survivor players over the years sending her off, with a cameo montage of her favorite Survivor players over the years, sending her off, like giving her well wishes and advice for college. Some of them would talk for like 15 or 20 minutes. Yeah.

And she absolutely loved that. That was the night before we were leaving. And it could have been heavy. And I mean, it's just a brilliant thing. It costs some money to get these cameos. But even if you, like, so a piece of advice, even if it's just one, it's totally worth it because she was on cloud nine the rest of the night

when otherwise it would be like, this is my last night in my bed. This is before I go off to college, I'm saying goodbye to my cat. It was emotional and it really helped. And I added a couple of hobbits there at the end, got Billy Boyd was in it and then, why am I forgetting his name? Samwise Gamgee from also in Stranger Things and Goonies?

What's his name? Stand By Me. Sean Astin. Sean Astin. Sean Astin, there we go. And you can tell them what, you can give them information. Like you gave all your Cameo people information about Jesse. Some of it was false. Most of it. And so Christy gave like true information

about where she's going to school and studying and all that stuff. So it was cool to have people talking about it. But then for Sean, I said, I want you to make a cameo for Sokka the cat because his owner, Lily, my daughter, is leaving to go to college and Sokka can't go at least until her sophomore year if she moves off campus.

So you need to tell him, hey, she still loves you. She's not gonna be here that often, but she'll still think about you and she'll FaceTime with you. And there's limited characters. So I tried to get all that in there. And then he never sent one and he never sent one. And I was like, this is just stupid.

And then I made the cameo clip and he wasn't in it. And then Lily was so excited when she was going to bed. She was like, give me the log into cameo clip and he wasn't in it. And then Lily was so excited when she was going to bed, she was like, give me the log into cameo. And so I can watch these again in my bed. And then when I gave her the log in, she was like, there's another one here from Sean Astin. And I'm like, yes, he did it, let's play it. And then we played that one and like,

he got the assignment totally wrong. But he's like the sweetest guy. Like he's like freaking Samwise Gamgee in real life. How did he interpret it? And then he would just like was talking about college and I think at one point he thought that Lily was Sokka, but then I could tell in the middle of his, and he went for like over 15 minutes, very generous.

I could tell that he glanced down at his information and he was like, I got this all wrong. And then he's like, he took a breath and then he started talking to Sokka and he did it. And it was amazing. And it just, that, I mean, I gotta give you credit. That was a brilliant move and it really worked for her. I didn't invent Cameo,

as much as I would like to take credit for that. So we all go as a family and we're, you know, it's a long drive. I'm intentionally not talking about where Lily's going to college because I don't want to, you know, and I don't want there to be any speculation about it either. But many hours away, long drive, we're driving at night

because we had stuff to shoot during the day and then we all hop in the car, I'd packed the night before. And so the plan was we get there that night at the Airbnb, the next day we move her in, but then we're gonna stay at the Airbnb that night. We'll get up the next, she'll stay in her dorm, get to know her roommates, plural, I'll get to that. And then the next day we can get her any supplies she needs,

we can have dinner, we can say goodbye that night. We'll still stay at the Airbnb after we've said goodbye to Lily. We'll get say at the Airbnb after we've said goodbye to Lily. We'll get up the next morning, we'll drive back home. So that's what we did, that was the plan. We get there the first night, everybody's exhausted, they go to bed at the Airbnb, but I had been super caffeinated for the long drive.

And so I instituted what became a nightly ritual, which I would go for a walk around. It wasn't the college town, but it was like an adjacent town over where we could get an Airbnb. So it was 1 a.m. and I'm walking around. And again, it's another time when I'm just making a decision to process my emotions and my thoughts

and memorialize this event for myself and be present for it. And I'm walking around this associated town to a college town, but not the college town at 1 a.m. And there is nobody there. It was the strangest walk I've ever taken in my life. There was nobody, no signs of life anywhere, but there were a good number of Airbnbs around,

but I guess it's just not people in them, businesses closed, outdoor seating for like some restaurants that weren't put away, nobody. I saw a police officer drive by and that was it. No homeless people. I mean, we're used to seeing homeless, you walk around, people who are experiencing homelessness is what you're supposed to call them.

And they're outside. None of that. So it's just like strange. I started taking pictures of nothing. It was like an abandoned amusement park. It was weird without any rides. And then I'm like, damn, there's a statue of a skunk. That's weird.

And then I'm like, God. That's an actual skunk. It was frozen and it was like totally stretched up. A statue of a skunk. I mean, it wasn't moving at all and its mouth was open like it had been taxidermied. And then I realized, oh my freak, that's a skunk. And it was, I mean, it wasn't moving at all and his mouth was open like it had been taxidermied. And then I realized, oh my freak, that's a skunk. A live skunk.

And I like, backed away. I was just, I mean, I was as far from me or that camera as this skunk and his tail was up but it wasn't facing me yet. And then it, I've actually never walked up on a skunk. I just walked up on a skunk literally two nights ago. We were at our friend's house together and when we were leaving.

Yeah, you texted us afterwards. And he was like, there's a lot of skunks in our neighborhood, in Los Angeles, and I was like, okay. He was like, you might just watch them as you're walking to your car. I was like, this is a weird- He said it was a thoroughfare.

This is a weird piece of advice. Was it frozen when you saw it? Yeah, I did not for a moment think that it was a statue or a lawn ornament, but yeah, it was, and it was- Your loss. Arched back, tail up, facing away from me as I walked past it, like ready to squirt.

Is that the correct- No. Spray? Spray. Ready to spray? And so I backed away and just kept walking. I was like, he was right, man. There's skunks all over this place. He walked away and then I finished my walk. I didn't get too emotional that night

because I was like, tomorrow's the big day. We move her in the next afternoon. So we had some quality time together, eating late breakfast. There's a whole rigmarole to move her in, especially with COVID protocols and like stretching people out. So you're just, you had assigned times

and there wasn't a swarm of people because they had taken care to isolate. Now, Lily had met a potential roommate online and they requested, they hit it off, so they requested a room together, even though she was thinking about requesting a room alone, a single person room because she's an introvert. Well, when her and her roommate got the assignment,

they were together, but there were also four other people in the room. I'm not talking about a suite. I'm talking about one room, one space with loft beds and bunk beds all over it. Like six women in a room together. I was like, talk about polar opposite of what you wanted or thought you needed.

That's intense, man. And she had emailed and said, "'Put me on a wait list for a smaller room.' None of that came through. So we knew we were moving in or into a room with all these other people and some of them had moved in. And so when we moved her stuff in, I'm in my getup, mask, sunglasses, contact lenses, hat.

Non-mythical hat. Non-mythical hat. We put all our stuff in a cart and we take it up to the room. We're looking at the room for the first time. You're walking a little bit different. Yeah, yeah. Not nearly as cool, no link strut. Less cool. We're looking at the room for the first time. You're walking a little bit different. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Not nearly as cool.

No link strut. Less cool. We get into this room and there are other, her roommates, a handful of them had already moved in and it was quiet. Like there was no music playing, nobody was talking. And then, and I made up my mind, I'm not gonna talk because people would recognize my voice.

And this is something we talked about. I'm gonna keep quiet is what I said. Well, I didn't anticipate that me keeping quiet would like really set the tone that when this family comes in to move Lily in, they're really quiet. Like Lando didn't talk, Lincoln didn't talk, then Christy was like whispering to Lily and then all of a sudden I realized,

this is the strangest. Like you guys are moving into a museum. It felt so weird. Because the girls who were already in there weren't talking and I felt like there was this awkwardness of like all right, another roommate's moving in, we're gonna need to meet her but her parents are here, her two younger brothers are here.

It's a little strange, but then it basically became like silence and that was really strange because I didn't want to be like, because what I would have done normally was like, hey, it's kind of quiet in here. You want to play some music or, you know, everyone can speak freely and I would have embarrassed Lily. So it's actually good that I kept my vow of silence,

but it like permeated in a very weird way that I'll never forget. Her move in was just silent. It feels like the other- It was weird. I mean, this is the challenge- It's like we were sneaking around, like we weren't supposed to be there. The challenge of that many people in a room,

you feel like, I'm gonna leave for a while while this other person moves in, but you can't really make a policy where you leave the room every time things get shaken up a little bit. Right. Because you'll never be in there. Right.

What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm gonna guess for some of you, that thing is... Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman. I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leah President. And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect.

It's a weekly news show. With the best celebrity guests. And hot takes galore. So join us every Friday wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. So we got in and out of there and then it wasn't the big goodbye. It was like, hey, stay the night.

We'll pick you up tomorrow. We'll go grocery shopping and stuff. We'll see you again. So it was cool. And it kind of, we had the luxury with a couple of nights, the letter E's into it, you know? So we left and we went back to the Airbnb and that night I went on another walk.

Well, I had actually, before we moved in, we had written her letters. So like the first morning we got up, Christy and I each wrote her a letter and then we actually got the boys to write her a letter too. And then when in her journal and stuff, where she was, when she was moving in, we kind of put it in a strategic place

where she would find it, you know? But then that night after moving her in and her not being at the Airbnb with us, I took another walk that night after moving her in and her not being at the Airbnb with us, I took another walk that night and it was a little bit more emotional. I found myself starting to have like dramatic thoughts like from now on, every time Lily comes home from college, it's gonna feel different.

Like she's no longer gonna be, she's gonna come home as like a visitor versus someone who lives here. You can only hope. It's gonna think. Yeah, I found myself thinking, okay, this is a definitive end of an era. But the truth is, hey, you never know what can happen.

I mean, pandemic's an example, but there's so many things that could happen. It's like, oh, you never know what can happen. I mean, pandemic's an example, but there's so many things that can happen. It's like, oh, you know what? You're all gonna move back home for a little bit at some point, you know? So it's, but I tend to like, because I wanna be so present, I acknowledge that I tend to like really dramatize things,

maybe more than is necessary. But I think, hey, if that makes it more fun, but also more emotional and more meaningful, I just wanna be here for it. And some of it, maybe I'm conjuring, you know? That's just my approach to these things. We get over the next day. This was like the dreaded day

that led up to the actual goodbye. And so the grocery shopping, we went out to dinner. I resisted the urge to turn dinner into like one more big speech moment. Let's go around and everyone tell Lily something special about her. Let's give her some encouragement about how she's gonna be at college.

Like I didn't, you know, she wouldn't have loved that. So like we kept it just kind of like, oh, it felt like a normal dinner. We're doing good. We get back in the car and then Lando just gets emotional. And then he's like crying for like, all the way there, like he just cried a lot. And it was like, poor buddy, he's just so sad. And it's like, that was his moment.

And then we're like standing out in the parking lot and I picked a place where there wasn't like foot traffic where we could have our moment and it was like, okay, everybody's got to say their goodbye. And you know what? I'm gonna position myself to be last. I wanna be last. Didn't tell anybody that, but like Lando was crying. So he went first, she's like consoling him

and Lincoln and Lily had their inside jokes and saying goodbye. And like, Christie's like embracing her and whispering in her ear and then like, then it's my turn and I like embrace her and like she's crying and I'm crying and I'm like saying like, you got this, we're so excited for you and then she's like,

mom already said the exact same things. Like, yeah, we're a team. That's the problem with going last, man. We're a team. You gotta bring something new to the table. And then. Did you see other groups of parents? Like, was there?

Earlier, like the day before, and we saw a couple of tearful goodbyes. So yes, we had seen it happen. And that's why I was like, I need to pick a better place in this parking lot where people won't be seeing us because I just don't want that to be a factor. So it was nice, it was beautiful.

It was happy and sad at the same time. Christy and I have been talking about that Kacey Musgraves song a lot and how it really applies that like, at every moment of feeling deeply sad, there's a companion thought of this is something to celebrate and this is a new beginning for her and this is an exciting opportunity.

You know, there's a lot of things to celebrate, right? So it's both at the same time. I end my embrace and then she walks away and I'm like pulling out my camera and taking a picture of her walking away. And I'm like, this is the moment that I've thought about ever since Lily was born is just seeing her walk away. And now every time she walks back,

it's a different arrangement. She no longer is under my roof. She's no longer, well, I still feel like she's my responsibility, but the terms of our relationship have shifted. The environment is totally different. She's crossed over into new life. And I go back and I'm like,

man, I really need my walk tonight. And I walk back, I take my walk, didn't see the skunk and I just found a place to sit down. And that's when like, I just had this like shoulder jumping, like body heaving, just crying, just like letting it all out. And it felt good to be able to do it. I felt like I go through so much in my life

knowing that there's something in there that, I know it hurts, but it's hard to let it out. It's hard to like, not to stop it at the throat. And so I'm like, all right, this is part of it. I can't remember the specific things I was thinking, but I need to remember, because if I ever have to be an actor and cry again, this is the moment I should go to.

That's trouble. But like, I think there were some people around because this was much earlier, it wasn't 1 a.m., it wasn't a ghost town, and like, you're just seeing some dude just like, just like body shaking crying. The walker, the walker is out again. And then I'm walking, and it was good, you know?

And again, that was for me. It's like, sure I cried on Lily's shoulder when she was crying on my shoulder, but it wasn't to the point, I wasn't gonna be a wreck in front of her because that's not a great way to send her off. I didn't want her to, I didn't wanna add one shred of doubt

that like I'm not gonna be able to handle it, you know? But if she would have seen me at that moment, it would have been like, oh God, do you need to go to the emergency room? So I surprised myself. And it did feel like an achievement of, oh God, I got it out. And I'm walking back feeling lighter

and I took a different route. I knew there was this path like around these town homes and this like creek that wasn't, it was like a dirt path and I'd walked it during the day and I walked, there was some lighting. So I said, I'm gonna walk this way back tonight. It's my last night here. And the lights at first, then they started to diminish.

And by the time I got further in on the path And the lights at first, then they started to diminish. And by the time I got further in on the path behind these houses, I started to feel like I was some sort of creeper, like I was in people's backyards. And it's like, this look different during the day. But at night, I don't feel like I should be here. And I'm starting to have these doubts and there's a lot of darkness on the path.

And then all of a sudden I hear somebody say, I mean no harm. And the sound was not coming from like a human height. The sound was coming from the ground. Skunk height. It was coming from skunk height in the darkness. The talking skunk. I recoiled.

Like I didn't say anything. I went, and I, like a shaggy from Scooby-Doo pose on like the DVD cover, like, it's kind of like. No harm. I put my left shoulder forward and like, oh, it's a skunk. And when I didn't say anything, and I still couldn't see anything,

but it was a person squatting. And that person who meant no harm then said, "'I'm just a woman.' And I start to look and I squint my eyes and I saw this like puddle. And it was a woman squatting and peeing behind a townhome. I think she had left the bar or something.

She had left, like she was on a walk with somebody. She had to pee really badly because she was like dressed to go out. I mean, from what I could tell. And she had to pee. And it scared the- Would you have seen her if she had said nothing? I would have walked right over her.

Oh. That would have really scared the crap out of me, slipping on a woman's pee. Well, what did you say? She said, I'm just a woman. And I was like, oh, it's okay. And then she stood up and she walked, she came towards me and then hung a hard left

and like went back up through two town homes. Did she finish? I didn't ask her that, but I think she did. There was quite a puddle, a flowing puddle. And I was like, yeah, I'm just gonna give. You could have done citizens arrest for public urination. That would have been cool.

I mean no harm, I'm just a woman. Too late, woman. I was standing in the light. She could see me clearly and she could tell that I was absolutely terrified of this, I don't know, it could have been like a squatting bridge troll for all I knew, you know? Changing its voice.

Just drooling. Lily had asked, she was like, you're not, you know, why don't you come by in the morning before you leave town? I'm like, no, no, no, no, like, why don't you come by in the morning before you leave town? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, this is it. That was before we said goodbye. She was trying to delay it. And I'm like, no, no, no, we have to, we gotta hold firm.

It's like, we can't delay this. We can't have another goodbye, one more day. We'll talk to you, but, and just to reverse a little bit, when I was like crying and shaking before I saw the woman who peed and meant no harm, I did, like after I had a good cry, I texted Lily and she like responded

and like we had a good exchange and it was, I took a screenshot of it for my own memory to just be like, this was the first conversation we had where she's no longer my daughter. It's like, I'd think dramatic things like that. Of course she's still my daughter. It's like, what's wrong with you? You think dramatic things, really?

It really helped when we had that text exchange and the next morning we get up, we pack up our stuff, we've got a whole lot less crap and we took the day leisurely driving back. And now having been a few weeks of her being off at school, it's like she's off to a really good start. She's made friends with her roommates. being off at school, she's off to a really good start. She's made friends with her roommates. They've had fun together.

She started her classes. It's so far so good, you know? I mean, I can tell she definitely has her doubts of like, did I make the right decision? Is this too far away? You know, I don't have a car, I'm using public transportation. What is that?

I'm figuring out so many things and like, it feels like, I remember how it felt like we were close to home and we came home every weekend, stuff that we talked about, but still it was like, it feels like, okay, her future hangs in the balance depending on how this goes. And I'm not telling, I'm not being overdramatic to her. Again, I keep that to myself

and just giving her encouragement, but I am encouraged that she's doing well. When we FaceTime, she's smiling and she wants to FaceTime and she wants, but, and she still misses us, but it's going good. But now we're trying to figure out, all right, how do we conduct our relationship? And what does that look like?

How much should I be texting? And Christy and I are talking, how much should we be reaching out and pushing for details and or letting her reach out to us? And there's this dance of figuring out how we conduct our relationship now, because there's some filling that out and also setting some precedent that like,

okay, this is, we started a new text chain with the three of us and I'll get mad if Christy texts her sometimes outside of the chain or vice versa and it's like, oh, we wanna be included in the conversation and figuring out, okay, I don't know. I don't wanna start asking a bunch of questions and make her feel like I'm checking up on her.

So I'm just gonna send her a picture of the cat. And then if she responds, then I'll know that like she's in a position where maybe she can talk and I'll see if she can FaceTime. Or other times it's, I find myself, Kristen and I were talking last night, her bedroom in our house is like in the middle of the hallway.

And so no matter where you go in the house, her, that's the central point. And so we always walk by it and the doors open and everything's fixed in her room. And I just find myself, it's like, that's the reminder. It's like this constant reminder that, oh, she's not in that room anymore. You mean you're not immediately turning it into a gym?

I mean, we were joking about what we were gonna turn the room into, but it's just gonna be there for her to be the same when she comes home for Thanksgiving or Christmas break. But like, yeah, I found myself going by the room and just walking in there and standing. You know? And, or checking on the litter box.

Oh, that's why I'm in here. I'm in here to check on the cat's litter box. Or if the dog took a shit in there, which he does. Yeah, Jasper's got, he's got some issues. When you were hanging out the other day, I was gone for a while and then you found me in Lily's room cleaning up the dog shit that I had stepped on and almost slipped to the floor.

But yeah, it's just like, I don't know, making decisions like, I'm not gonna go and just stand in her room and just be sad. You know, I'm gonna have to channel that into something. And then, but you know, I'm just, and I shared this in the Good Mythical More episode where I talked about our matching tattoos, but just the fact that when she is 18

and she's moving out of the house, that we have a relationship where she wants to get a matching tattoo with me. It just, it meant so much. And we got so close over the pandemic, like late nights on the weekend, when it was just like, I'm gonna hang out and watch stuff late at night

and she's gonna stay up late making mac and cheese. And so that's when we connect and, hey, I'm watching this. You wanna come in here and watch this? Let's hang out. So like over the pandemic, we really became friends. And I'm just, it's kind of the thing that you hope will happen with your kids.

And I didn't realize how much that was my specific goal that to state it in terms of her leaving, that when she moves out of the house, I want our relationship to be such that she wants to FaceTime. She wants to reconnect. We still have stuff that we're talking about. That's not, it's the nature of the conversations is not just about, is dad checking up on you

and trying to get information out of you and details, you know, or she calling me saying, I need money or I need this or I need that, you know, of course we want her to be able to come to us when she needs stuff, but I still want her to want to have a connection. And it's a tremendous blessing of the pandemic that I think with her being so limited in who she could be with,

the fact that we all found a way to enjoy each other and it really set us up and gives me hope that like, it's not, you know, the goodbye was not, it's just a change of practices with our relationship, but it's not in any way the end of our relationship that I would sometimes internalize and dramatize that way. So, you know, when I go downstairs for a late night snack and usually she'd be in there

and we'd be having a conversation, now it's like, well, I'm gonna get Lincoln out of his room and get him off of his video games and say, "'Hey son, you gotta step it up because Lily's gone. "'You gotta be the friend that she was to me.'" Like I've told him that and he's laughed, but like, yeah, it is an opportunity. I really think about the lesson learned for like,

with Lily in a positive way to like create me and Lincoln's version of that over the next two years. But yeah, I go to the pantry and I'm like, there's Lily's cereal, the one that she said I couldn't have. So I'm like sending her a text and saying, do I have your permission to eat the rest of your strawberry honey bunches of oats? And she's like, no, you gotta save it for when I come home. And I'm like, and she's like, no, you gotta save it

for when I come home and I'm like, and she's like, just kidding, you can have it. I'm like, I texted her a picture of the empty bowl and I'm like, too late, I already ate it. You know, so it's just making, we're at a phase now where we're still trying to figure out how do we keep the relationship active and keep that bond going

and being able to celebrate and give her the support and strength she needs to like keep looking forward and not start looking back to us, you know? Yeah. But that's pretty much the experience I wanted to share. And I'm grateful that it has been pretty heart wrenching for me, you know?

Cause it just says a lot about our relationship and but it's for the best and I believe in it. You sound like you're dealing with it well. But it may not, and it may be totally different with the boys. Well, you know, what I've been thinking about as you've been talking- And I'm not saying because they're boys,

but for all factors. I'm different than you. Locke is different than Lily. Our families are different in some ways. One of the things that I think me and Locke have in common and Jesse also, we're always kind of thinking about the future. Like we're kind of always on the next page.

Yeah. And a lot of times when people are on the next page, it's just like, why are you still on this page? Because we're already in the next chapter, right? And so Locke has a tendency, I mean, if you think about the way that I treated college, I do think it had something to do with the fact that we went to school close.

Sure. But I've ventured to guess that if I had gone to school a state away, it wouldn't have been much different. Like the process of my parents dropping me off would have been like, I'm not saying my dad would have just shaken my hand like in an old 50s movie, but it would have been like, I'm not saying my dad would have just shaken my hand like in an old 50s movie, but it would have been like the 90s version of that.

Well, we weren't friends with our parents. Yeah. That was not something that was a part of the equation. I mean, and I know you have that. Yeah, well, I'm definitely, me and Locke are friends, but he also, he's so much like, well, there's a couple of but he also, he's so much like, well, there's a couple of dynamics. One, he's so much like me that,

you talk about how during the pandemic, you and Lily got close, like during the pandemic, me and Locke being close to each other was actually a huge source of conflict. Like, you know him, he's got his own ideas about everything and he is a challenger, he's an his own ideas about everything and he is a challenger. He's an Enneagram eight.

Yeah. The whole going with the flow or being on, like going with the, being a part of the program and a part of the plan, it's like, but his nature is to figure out what the plan is and then depart from it. And that can be a difficult thing as a parent that we are kind of constantly battling each other, right?

And so there's a lot of, you know, there's a lot of sort of tension oftentimes in our communication. Yeah. The good news is that we communicate very frequently about basically everything. So he's not like a lot of teenagers that are like, I've got all this stuff that I'm thinking about

and doing that you don't have any idea about. It's like, we talk about everything, but a lot of times it's an intent, there's an intensity to the conversation and not a, hey, we're just chilling. We're like having, we're working through something. So I think it's like finding the time to be like, how can we have some hang time,

some intentional hang time to kind of lay the groundwork for that for the rest of your life. Yeah, and what you're saying makes me think of how my, the terms of how Lincoln and I interact and the bond that we have is different and it's not fair. And I was joking and I hope that, I think that he knew that I was joking. I'm like, hey, you gotta step up cause Lily's leaving.

Like, I actually don't know if he's like, I think that dad, like Lily was dad's favorite. Like, I don't know, I don't think it's to that point or that like, I want you to then fill the hole that she's left because the relationship with each child is totally different. I mean, the stuff that Jessie was talking about two episodes ago about parenting,

yeah, that's ringing in my ears now in terms of each child is different. And so the nature of your relationship is different. Of course it is. That's how relationships work. It's interesting when you look at certain milestones in the future and you're like, especially for me, I'm like, I'd like for it to be this way.

And then I need to acknowledge that, first of all, I'm not in charge of it. And I don't need to control things to make them the way that I want them to be. But there's certain values that I want to build into our relationship so that there's some fundamental truths associated with our experience that are different than like me controlling the minutia

of like curating an experience. So it's just like a communication climate that, like what you're talking about. So it's, yeah, you're not gonna, you absolutely know that you're not gonna replicate your experience, my experience with Lily with Locke. And it's a good reminder that I'm not gonna do that with Lincoln either because it's just,

that doesn't make sense. That's not how relationships work. Right. But as a parent, you do look forward to things like, and I think that for me, what I just went through with sending Lily off was more emotional than if and when she gets married. I don't know, did I give that impression? Because actually I think I could be wrong,

but I think that's- I definitely think so because the transition between leaving home is much more personal to you and impactful to you. But it's not the one that, I mean, when you think about the father of the bride and of course I'm gonna be emotional, but like, I just don't think it will be to the extent that I just went through.

Well, for the sake of the wedding guests, I hope not. Right. What's wrong with his shoulders? Does he need to go to the ER? He's got speech jammed. But as a parent looking for, I mean, I started yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, to bring their significant others back with them. And hey, we're gonna do this together. Let's go to the beach. Well, just pay for it and that'll take care of itself.

So I visualize these things, but like, you know, ultimately it comes down to, you wanna cultivate a meaningful, active relationship and then it takes two to tango. Yeah, you wanna be a resource for her because the nature of the communication with our kids, like you said, I mean, just simply by way of having a phone

and being able to be in the more constant communication, the fact that we know, I can, it gets late and I look at my phone to figure out where Locke is. Like think about how different of an experience that was from what we had. Like we could have been and should have been dead many times when we were their age, the stuff that we did.

Mostly at the bottom of a river. Yeah, but now it's just like, oh, it's 1230, Locke's not home. Oh, I see the street that he's on right now. I know whose house he's at. Let me, okay, you know, it's like- We don't have that on for Lily at this point. She didn't want that and it's like-

Well, yeah, I mean, now that she's 18. I would like it, but yeah, she's 18. Now that she's 18. But just being able to be in that constant communication is something that now you have to think about like, okay, what part of this am I doing for me? And what part am I doing for her? Because I think, yeah,

because I think about that whole vacation example and it starts to, I hear myself and it kind of feels like, well, that's a nice dream. There's no guarantee of that. But it also kind of feels like an expectation that our kids' lives as they build their own lives are gonna still kind of revolve around our family unit and that is, I think that's why it's emotional

because I know that that's shifting and I know that I took my immediate family away from our extended family when we moved out here and that they just don't have the same connection that I hope to maintain with my kids. But that may mean me chasing them across the country because I know that their lives aren't gonna revolve around me as dad.

It may mean the nature of your relationship or the nature of how often you see them physically in the same space may change. I mean, one of the things that you said earlier, you were like, you know, I made sure to not have this breakdown in front of her, or I made sure to kind of keep those things from her. I mean, for better or worse, you have like,

that is a, that's kind of, that's not happening. Your emotions and the way that you're processing it, Lily is 100% feeling that and interpreting that. Like everything that, every look on Christy's face, every change in the tone of voice, with both of you, your kids pick up on all that stuff. You can have this illusion in your mind that you're keeping it from, and boundaries are important,

but what I'm saying is that your kids know everything that you're feeling and everything that you're thinking. And so it's more about managing it and keeping yourself in check but you don't begin to believe that like, oh she knows exactly how you're processing this. That doesn't mean you should do it in front of her. I agree with your decision.

It could have been, yeah. But you're right. You're right but it would have been worse if like that moment that I was hugging, it was like I didn't let go and I'm like, I'm gonna miss you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't wanna make it about yourself.

And so separating yourself in, but I'm saying that in terms of the emotional sort of quality that is coming out and being put, we put all our shit onto our kids. Just like Jessie said, it's harm reduction at this point, because everything that we think that we're keeping from them is actually seeping out. That doesn't mean you don't set the boundaries.

It's just, it's an awareness that like, oh, she's totally, she totally knows how difficult this was. I mean, one of the things is like, you know, one of the things that I saw in so many families throughout the pandemic is like, anxiety over COVID that parents had was transferred like an avalanche on the kids.

Yeah. Even if you think you're keeping it from them. Right. You know what I'm saying? If you've got anxiety, if you were worried constantly about it, your kids inherited that and took that on. You know, it's just like that's, and we were with them so regularly

that you just can't, you can't help it. So it's more about being like, okay, what have I unintentionally passed on to them? Like what emotional qualities have they picked up and how can I minimize that and undo that as much as I possibly can before they go out into the world and put it on other people. Yeah, and now it's like, all right,

she is out in the world. It definitely feels like, all right, but let's see what the next four years hold and like where she's really out in the world. It's like, I can feel that there's another stage of like college world is not the real world. So that kind of mitigates it too. That's one of the great things about it.

You know what? We've done a good job. That's what I tell Christy. It's like, we're far from perfect. And, but we've succeeded at minimizing harm by projecting that to the point where like, she's doing her thing. Yeah, yeah, I'm not worried about Lily.

I'm not worried about her either. I'm worried about you. I'm doing good, man. I had to get my own cereal. I couldn't use that excuse anymore. Well, this my own cereal. I couldn't use that excuse anymore. Well, this is Lily cereal. I just happen to be eating it. You got a rack?

This is your rack. I do. I happened to listen to an episode of Rainn Wilson and Reza Aslan's podcast, Metaphysical Milkshake. Guest was Jason Isbell, my favorite contemporary artist. Who somebody on Twitter did point out that I had been saying his last name incorrectly by saying Isbell.

Incidentally, whenever he's a guest on anything, including metaphysical milkshake, like they said Isbell, but when he introduces himself, it is Isbell. So I'm going to respect Jason and start saying Isbell. Okay, well then call him Mr. Isbell, but when he introduces himself, it is Isbell. So I'm going to respect Jason and start saying Isbell. Okay, well then call him Mr. Isbell. So Mr. Isbell is a guest on this podcast and the episode title was, Where Does Music Come From? And man, I just, every time I hear this dude talk,

I just, my level of respect and admiration goes up. Like his- I gotta listen to it. I saw your tweet and I responded to it. Yeah, you thought that I had been a part of the conversation. I realized later that I did make it, I said, thanks for the conversation. Thanks for the insightful and delightful conversation.

It was like, oh, not- Like was he on Ear Biscuits without me? Thanks for having an insightful and delightful conversation. So yeah, and it's so interesting because they're talking about it and they kind of come from different places, right? You know, Rain and Reza are kind of coming from

kind of more of a spiritual standpoint and talking about where this inspiration comes from. And Jason is kind of like, well, that's not really my perspective, but the way they meet in the middle and kind of, and he actually literally talks about his songwriting process. Oh, cool.

And then he demonstrates, Rain gets him to pick up a guitar and demonstrate how he begins to write a song. Oh, whoa. I gotta hear it. It's just a cool- Your tweet didn't do it for me, but this did. Yeah, and his insight into the perception,

like the way that certain kinds of music got to him in Alabama and the way it kind of changed the way his began to change his worldview, like really awesome conversation. So metaphysical milkshake episode, where does music come from with Jason Isbell. All right. I recommend it. Boy, we parented hard today.

If you wanna hear more about us talking parenting stuff, we're doing live Facebook audio interviews with other dads like Terry Crews. That was an amazing conversation. So that lives on our Mythical Facebook page. And so hashtag Ear Biscuits, let us know what you think about this from whatever perspective you're coming from.

Maybe that's parent, maybe that's otherwise. And remember, this coming Friday, big TikTok, hang with us on our Mythical channel. It's gonna be fun. You're gonna wanna be there. And then that's why we've already planned on next week's Ear Biscuit that we're gonna unpack that whole experience and a lot of TikTok stuff that we're thinking about.

Yeah. Whether you like TikTok or not. We're gonna make you like TikTok.