Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Link Almost Kills Someone in New Zealand... Twice | Ear Biscuits Ep. 409

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Never fear, vacation talk is here! In this episode, Link talks about his family trip to New Zealand, including a tour of Hobbiton (for all you Lord of the Rings fans), and Link’s experience driving on the left side of the road has people proceeding with caution. Plus, Rhett discusses his screw up when presenting at an award show, as well as his staycation over the holidays. Watch To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is mythical. Shop Best Buy's ultimate smartphone sale today. Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Rhett. What? I don't know why I said, I started saying I before, I'm Rusty, it's this new year, this is the first one we've recorded.

No, this is not a good sign. I'm Rhett. New this is not a good sign. And I start... I'm re... New this year, I'm Link. No, no, no, let me explain why. All along. No, you felt bad about starting it, and then you were like, well, I gotta say it the right way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what went through my mind. I was so ready to say my part that I was like, I'm Link, and then as I heard myself say, I'm that I was like, I'm Link. And then as I heard myself say, I'm, I was like, oh. Well, this is appropriate. Supposed to be Rhett. This is appropriate because that was the first thing

I wanted to talk about is what I screwed up. I am Link. What I screwed up in front of a different audience last night. Yeah, Rhett. Yeah, Brett. I, you know me, I don't like, I don't like to screw things up, you know, to a pathological point.

Maybe it was growing up in a family where screwing up wasn't well tolerated. Yeah, I didn't want to, I didn't want to bring it up unless you wanted to bring it up, but since you want to talk about it, I do think it's good. You did bring it up in the moment, though, while I was still on stage. Okay, let's start at the beginning. But it's my fault. So we had the privilege and honor of presenting at the 75th Emmys. Not the real Emmys. Let's be real.

Well, no. The real Emmys, but it was the creative arts Emmys. It wasn't the main Emmys that you see on primetime television. We made the mistake of thinking that it was a lesser Emmys just because it wasn't televised. It was still recorded, and it's still going to be broadcast. It's televised somewhere, like FXX or something. But the moment we showed up, I mean, we had to wear tuxes.

The reason we didn't think it was as big of a deal as it was is because we were both confused. Yeah, we were. Because like 12 or 13 years ago, I don't even think we lived in LA at the time. We had just moved here We were asked to MC to host some Emmy thing that was over there at the The Dolby Theatre or something right we hope we thought that that was the creative arts Emmys

And we I don't even remember anything about that. We hosted the whole thing. We were trying to be funny I'm sure we were somewhat annoying. They were giving out Emmys there too, but it was, yeah, that was less than this. Because the moment we showed up in our tuxes, because we were told to wear tuxes. I mean, everybody was, I mean, this was, this is a much bigger deal than I had realized. The Queer Eye guys were there. Got to meet Tim Robinson. Was very excited about that.

And then he won the first award. John Mulaney was there. Which was a short form comedy. So, Tim Scho won that. Olivia Munn, RuPaul, Keke Palmer. You know, there's like recognizable celebs there. The night before was the scripted Emmys that

aren't in the televised version. And the night that we were there was the unscripted Emmys that just don't make it in the televised version, and the night that we were there was the unscripted Emmys that just don't make it in the televised version because everything can't make it. So, and then they seat us, and we're literally in the center on the front row. Yeah, I was like, how did we get these seats? Why did we get these seats?

I told Christy this morning, I was like, this is a much bigger deal than we realized, and I actually started to get nervous. And I wasn't, I was actually proud of myself for not being nervous in the weeks leading up to it, because a lot of times when you're about to do something that's out of your comfort zone

in front of a group of people that, you know, there's a little bit of a chip on the shoulder of a YouTuber going into that environment, that you're kind of thinking like, oh, YouTuber. And so I was like, but you know what? I'm actually feeling good about it because I'm not really concerned about what these people think about me,

also not realizing that it would be the crowd that it was. Carol Burnett. Carol Burnett was on the front row. Seated on the front row, like five seats down from us. And the first person who came out was Jeff Probst. Jeff Probst started the whole show. Oh man, I love me some Jeff Probst. I gotta meet Jeff Probst.

We gotta get him on Good Mythical Morning. Yes. Gotta make that work. So then it was like, oh crap, this is a thing. And they had sent us the script. This is a big stage, this is a full production. This is like steadicams roaming in front of us. I'm like, act like you are meant to be here.

They sent us the script Ahead of time And I was like This is a pretty good script And I just Made one change I exchanged one joke

And felt pretty good about it They did put us Two hours and twenty minutes Two hours and twenty minutes Into the show And it was a two hour Almost the last thing In thirty minute show

So that took some Of the pressure off Because on any of these shows By the time you get Two hours and 20 minutes into the show. And it was a two-hour and 30-minute show. So that took some of the pressure off because on any of these shows, by the time you get to the second hour or past that, people just kind of want to get to the after party. Yeah. And so I was the one that was supposed to start, and I had a teleprompter, which I Everybody did. Well, I'm just saying that, in my mind, having a teleprompter is the reason for why I said

the thing that I said. But... Which I told you ahead of time, when you were asking me to, like, make some changes, or, like, you want to change this? And I was like, I'm just going to stick to the teleprompter, because that's how I maintain my composure in situations like this. It's like, I don't go off prompter. And... Because it was, like, I don't go off prompter.

And, cause it was like three lines and then you're done, right? Three lines from me, three lines from you and we're done. Yeah. And the first line was, in celebration of the 75th Emmys or something like that. Yeah. And I literally said, in celebration of the 75th Emmys. And you realized it as you said it.

Well, because I'm looking at the thing and I'm like- In celebration of the 75th Emmys. And so you gave me a moment to say, like you were like, you stuttered. You sputtered a little bit. Well, I was thinking of something clever to say. And you said- I can't remember what I said. You said, no, I said 75th, and you said, yeah, you should probably say 75th.

What I would have said... I thought what I said was, that's not the way you say it. I thought you said, no, you should probably say 75th or something like that. I don't know, we'll watch it back on FXX. But what I thought about after it had happened was what I should have said. Is I should have said, 75th, yes, it's the new 75th. And I would have gotten some laughs.

At least I acknowledged that you said it. And then we went on to deliver these pre-written jokes that- I could have said something funnier too. Got a couple of laughs, but then we were in between awards. I made a joke about Betty White being white. You did. But in celebration of the technological advancement

of color television. That was the best joke. But in between the awards, because we gave out two awards where they were showing the montage of the nominees, it got dark and you leaned over to me, and you said, 75th? Really? That's not what I said.

As if I wasn't already drowning in shame. My best friend leans over and says, 75th? Really? Okay, here's what really happened. I was drowning in shame up there. The lights go down happened. I was drowning in shame up there. The lights go down. Your boy was drowning in shame! And you piled on! I could tell that you were not happy with yourself because you were standing there

motionless, just looking into nothing. You were looking inside of your brain. I had one thing. I had one thing to do. Say 75th. This is the third word. The thing that I've always said. I had one thing to do. Say 75th. This is the third word. The thing that I've always said when I say 75th. Yeah. I mean, I've never said 75th.

It's like Bilbo Baggins. 111th. I'm a hobbit. There's so many good jokes. Like, if I had that small wonder thing where she could, like, pause time or go back. I don't know. If I had the ring where you could go back in time. There's so many things that I could say. I'm a hobbit. Of course, I could just say 75th. Listen, I just got back from New Zealand. The ring makes you invisible. It does not make you go back in time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about a different ring.

There's one ring, Rhett. No, no, no. To rule them all. I'm talking about a ring that takes you back in time to then say a separate thing about being a hobbit. to then say a separate thing about being a hobbit. But what I said, so I knew that you were kind of stewing or in shame. And so you wanted to rub it a little bit.

No! I was trying to make you feel better, but I had to say something. Really? What I said was. That's not what I remember. I mean, of course, you know, the crowd is still out there. Everybody's still like thinking about that. Only thinking about 75th. That's the only thing they're thinking about.

So yeah, I lean over to you and I'm like, 75th, huh? That's what I said. 75th, huh? Oh, that's better? I mean, I let you off easy, man. I was like, man, you really screwed the pooch. Man, you made us both look stupid.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It didn't matter to me. It didn't matter to me. Because it wasn't me. No, I... It was fine, man. But I knew there wasn't anything I could say

that would make you feel better in that moment because the lights are about to come up and we're about to give an award. Well, the thing that I, so the thing that I regretted wasn't necessarily saying 75th. I mean, obviously that was the thing, that was the error. It was, in retrospect,

not then having the funny thing to say about screwing up. Right? People, I mean, what's her name? You don't even remember her name. See, she screwed up too. With the one that said Tellegision. Yeah, she said Tellegision. But then she said something funny.

No, she said television, and she talked about the authenticity of reality television or something and said that she was kind of making a point. Right, right. Anyway. I felt right. Anyway. I felt bad for her. I really don't.

I don't, I mean. You recovered, man. You said your jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got out of it. I'm just saying that it was, as I observed myself and how I reacted in that situation,

realizing that I was caring more about this than anyone else was caring. Everybody who was there, first of all, who was left, let's be honest, Tim Robinson had gone home. I looked down there because he was the one I was really worried about. He was gone.

He was gone. So many people had left two hours and 20 minutes. Carol Burnett was still there. Carol Burnett was there, but she's 90. Yeah. She probably didn't hear me. You know? So I think...

You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. It was an exercise in humility, but also in just the... Much better to mess that up than to mess the joke up. Exactly. That would have been much worse. That's what my wonderful wife told me. She said...

Wives? Wives. You're still doing it, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, new development 2024. I've got two wives now. Oh, see? Now you're recovering with ease.

Yeah, you see how... Polygamy. If I was that funny last night, if I could make a polygamy joke. It wouldn't have mattered. When I was talking to Jessie, she was like, when you said you screwed up, I thought maybe you had, like, said the wrong name when you opened the envelope

or you screwed a joke up, but you just screwed up 75th? Come on, give yourself a break. It is a mistake that no one would ever make, because how could you? Where does that come from? You read 75 and then the TH was on the next line or something? No, no, no. The only way one can make that joke, make that mistake, is by reading the word, the number 75. It wasn't 75th, it was written out, seven, five, T-H. And so, in my brain, I got to 75, and just saw 75, so I was just like, the 75th.

Yeah, you read it as literal as possible. I was too committed to sticking to the prompter. I told you, man. But I normally do better when I stick to the prompter. But apparently you can't stick so tightly to the prompter. I told you, man. But I normally do better when I stick to the prompter. But apparently you can't stick so tightly to the prompter that you don't see the TH. Not in 2024, man. Yeah, so next time they invite us,

if they do, to the Emmys. If they don't, we're gonna know why. Right, right. Yeah, man, listen. Listen, let me just, look know why. Right, right. Yeah, man, listen. Listen, let me just, look at me. Look at me. I wanna get this hair off your eye. I thought you were about to do some sort of...

You got hair right here. Push that back. I was like, there's some sort of magic to it. Look at me, look at me. To make me not feel shame. Look at me, I want you to, let me grab it, back your neck. I want you to know that you are loved and you are respected. I'm just saying next time.

And you are normally composed. You were composed. I shame myself in that way. You didn't lose composure. What I would ask of you as a best friend is just to be like, hey, nobody cares. Or like, it's gonna be okay, man. 75, huh? Yeah, I thought that was, I thought that would make light of it.

Don't just repeat the thing that I just, the only thing that I'm thinking right now is 75, 75. Why did you say 75? And then your buddy leans over and says, 75? Huh? I'm sorry, man. I was really just thinking, yeah, I need to say something and it's... Well, sometimes it's better than not saying anything at all.

Shit, man. I actually didn't realize that I made it worse. I'm sorry. Yeah. I'm okay now. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, though. Literally, like, as your brain is awakening to the world and you're beginning to orient yourself to the day,

like I just saw 75th. And that's me. That's my problem. Not just the screw up, but the fact that that would be the first thing that I think about. If the shoe was on the other foot, I feel like it would have been, you know, better for everybody.

Cause I put my foot in my mouth all the time. And you're always ready to take it out. Right. See, now, see, I didn't, I didn't, that's what I, I failed you in not saying something funnier than what I said. It really was a setup for you and you failed. But I said, you should be feeling shame.

I did say something, but I'm sorry that I didn't say something better. If you were me in that moment, you would have said something better. But I would have been the butt of the joke. Well. And you know what?

That would have been the best for comedy. I just don't, see, I didn't have the instinct to publicly really go for the juggler. Well, next time, just be ready, man. I didn't have the instinct to publicly really go for the jugular. Well, next time, hey, just be ready, man. I make mistakes too. It's tough. You gotta be ready for me to make mistakes. I make them quite a bit.

Yeah, you need to stay in your lane though. I'm the mistake maker. Yeah, see, that's not fair. Nah, I don't. That's not fair. Hey, 2024. Are you done thinking about it now? Do you feel like this has helped you?

2024 is my year of mistakes. Oh. Do not. 2024. Are you done thinking about it now? Do you feel like this has helped you? 2024 is my year of mistakes. Oh. Just so you know. Do you feel like you can put this behind you? You can integrate this in a way that. You know, I was a bit preoccupied with the fact that I had gotten Clippers Lakers tickets for me and my family that I had secured before we ever got this gig. And I didn't really understand that we were going to be, even though it was in the information that Jenna, that you sent ahead of time, but I had failed to really read all that. And didn't realize that we were going to be giving our presentation like after the game had been going for an hour. Thankfully,

it was literally in the Peacock Theater, which is right next to the Crypto.com arena. So it was just like walking over. But I was thinking about, man, I paid all that money for these tickets for this Clippers-Lakers game, and I'm excited about it. And then as I was getting changed after 75th and I was walking over, I was like, but you know what? I'm going to watch my Clippers take out the Lakers because you know that's what they're going to do. And did they?

They lost. Oh. So it was like L upon L. Oh. It was a double L. And you pulled like a reverse James Bond. You like had a duffel bag, and you went into the bathroom in a tux,

and you came out in like La Clippers gear I did I Did and left me with your bag see that's a pretty good friend. I do a pretty good I carry your duffel bag my duffel bag. What did you do at that party with it? I like a big fanny pack. I gave it to somebody to put in the car. Oh good. Yeah, so I Pretty much immediately. I feel like you could rock a duffel. Yeah, I had a whole bit. Where's Rhett?

Oh, he's deflated in this duffel. Did you see the 75? No, that was pretty good. That was pretty good. He's completely... You should have said that earlier. I rolled him up

after he deflated and I put him in his duffel. Yeah. I appreciate you holding my bag. Oh, God. That almost makes up for rubbing it in his tuffle. Yeah. I appreciate you holding my bag. Oh, gosh. That almost makes up for rubbing it in in the moment. I didn't rub it in. I wasn't trying to rub it in.

Okay, listen, if it'll make you feel better, I had some big fails on my epic New Zealand trip that I want to tell you about. Okay. Right after we tell you to go to mythical.com. Yes. And check out this amazing collection. You know what time it is. It's time to look at a t-shirt, another t-shirt, a hoodie, sweatpants, trucker hat.

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With opening moves, you simply choose a question to be automatically sent to your matches. Then sit back and let your matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try it for yourself. I've been planning this trip to New Zealand for over a year. You know, during the pandemic, we were re-watching all of the Lord of the Rings extended DVD behind the scenes. I don't know. Hours and hours. 16 hours of content. And just getting back into realizing that, you know what?

Middle Earth exists. It's a place called New Zealand. Where's old Zealand? I don't know. Was there ever a Zealand? It had to be. It's like, I was there in New Zealand this whole time, and no one ever talked about the old one.

There's got to be an old Zealand. It's like, this one's definitely better. This is an improvement on the other one. Is Zealand just another word for Britain? Because all their money has the queen on it. Maybe it was Sealand. And then New Zealand. Yeah, let's just conjecture at length about that,

because we don't know. We're not going to figure it out. It makes sense, this Sealand. It's a fresh place, I will say that. Totally worthy of being new. Beautiful, huh? Most beautiful place on Earth? That's what they say.

It is extremely easy on the eyes, everywhere you look. So we had, I mean the first thing that we booked over a year in advance was visiting Hobbiton. It's Middle Earth, Hobbiton is literally there. Like, well the place where they, I mean the place where they made the movie, not the place where J.R.R. Tolkien like, but in its entirety, like, that shot of Hobbiton has all the homes. Yes.

That's all completely intact. Yeah. Well, they tore it all down after the Lord of the Rings production and then took everything out. took everything out. But then when they made the Hobbit movies, they rebuilt the entire thing on the same piece of sheep farmland. And then the guy who owned the land, I don't know whose idea it was,

but they hatched this idea that said, hey, listen, let's not make the mistake of tearing this down again. Right, yeah. Like, now this is gonna be a permanent fixture. More money than sheep, for sure. It's the, you know how when you go, if you have the privilege of going to Walt Disneyland or World or any of the Disney places, you're struck by how the attention to detail everywhere, like going from ride to ride and attraction to attraction,

it's not just about the attractions being amazing, but the entire experience is curated. It's not six legs. No. All the way down to the trash cans and the smell in the air and the mulch underneath the bushes that you can't see. This was the only experience I've been to where I bought a ticket and it topped that, the attention to detail. You felt like you were there.

It was amazing. then other hobbits There are no hobbits running around. It's they're too tasteful for that. Okay, that would all the hobbits are I don't know there They don't like to leave. I don't know where they didn't tell me where they were But they weren't there Okay, and they had they spaced out the tour groups well enough that like you could see people on the other you know at different spots but like it wasn't you went through in a in a group with a guide and it was so it was very uh walking yeah walking you're walking right up to hobbit

holes all around the thing and you may be choosing to take a picture of every single hobbit hole like my wife did i on the other hand just took a picture of every single hobbit hole like my wife did. I, on the other hand, just took a picture of one, maybe two hobbit holes, and then I looked at all the rest of them with my eyes and enjoyed it. But I chose not to pick that fight because the main thing about being on a family trip is knowing what battles to choose. And basically, if you can choose none, that's success. And I was pretty good at that.

You know? Didn't impact my experience. And I realized I wasn't going to go into dad mode and like, look at that. Stop taking pictures and do this. You know, I was not in charge of my family's experience once we got there. They're a tour guide. They had their own choices to make with their own phones, and they could listen to the tour guide and do whatever they wanted.

That unlocked a lot of happiness for me to abdicate all of my responsibilities as a dad to make sure that anyone else was having a good time. That's a smart move. It may sound selfish, but hey, I set this thing up, I booked the tickets, or I asked someone to book the tickets. Or I asked someone to ask someone to book the tickets. But it happened.

Let's get real here. You know, come on. So I did my part. Everybody loved Hobbiton. It was a highlight. When you go into the... Now, I'm experienced enough of a filmmaker to know that they didn't shoot the inside

of those Hobbit holes in the same place. They did that on a soundstage. You're too smart for me, man. But what I do want to know is what's inside those Hobbit holes? Darkness. Okay. Utter darkness.

No furnace? What I did not know was that they had remade the last two hobbit holes like two months before we got there. This was like fresh, fresh. They had remodeled so that you could go into, they split the group in half, and you went into either the Proud Foot's Hobbit

hole or another Hobbit hole that was similar but catered to another family. Like designed to another family. So you can't go into Bilbo's thing because they're not going to try to recreate it. No, you can't go into Bag End. But it's, we didn't even know this was going to happen. And then they're like, okay, we not going to try to recreate no you can't go into bag end um but it's it we didn't even know this was going to happen and then they're like okay we're going to go into

these hobbit holes and they it was absolutely picture perfect in there like talk about the attention to detail then went up like 10 notches like little furniture beds little bunk beds Watches. Little furniture. Beds. Little bunk beds. Little sinks with running water. Could you get in the beds? Yeah, if you wanted to. You could sit on the bed. Huh.

I mean, you're just walking around. There's no, like... That's a good photo. There's no ropes. Christy could have taken a photo of that, you in the bed. Me and her in the bed. Potentially. We didn't do that. It was super impressive.

You just made a fart sound with your hands. It's kind of undermining. No, because that was me saying, super impressive. You literally, did you know? Again, there's a few things for 2024. Couple of wives, mistakes, and hand farts. What? You did not know you were gonna do that.

You know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. I was like, I'm gonna wait for the perfect moment in this story, the hand fart. I don't think they heard... See, look how good you are at recovery. These microphones are very directional length, so I'd think that this, probably, but this. But I heard it. I'm telling a story about the most beautiful thing I've encountered in the whole year.

You clapped your hands in the hand fart. I said it exactly the right time. You said, picture perfect, and I was like, yep. I thought that was good timing. It was good timing. You have good instincts, but you didn't do it on purpose. How much does it cost per person? Probably a lot, dude. The other thing I decided not to do was look at the cost. Okay, good.

And I'm just being honest. I mean, once you decide to go to New Zealand, and you have to do Hobbiton, and you cannot look at the cost. Hmm. You know? You count the cost of going to New Zealand and not visiting Hobbiton. That's the cost. How much time do you spend at Hobbiton?

Is there a gift shop? Is there a restaurant? At the end of the freaking tour, you go to the... It's not the Prancing Pony. It's the other one. And you... Get a beer.

They give you a beer. Okay. And it's got alcohol in it. I'm just... I'm thinking about all the things that... Get a beer. They give you a beer. Okay. And it's got alcohol in it. I'm just... I'm thinking about all the things that they could have done. They give you an... And you can also get a cider. It also has alcohol in it.

Do they sell fireworks? No. No. Okay. They don't do that. Do they... What do they sell? They sell like...

Scones. Hairy feet that you can put on over your feet? Lots of... You know what? I don't know if they... They sell maps and they sell a lot of models. Oh, yeah. I don't know if they sold hairy feet.

I went back to the car. And waited? Yeah. And your kids stayed in the... Yeah, because I was looking at... I was trying to figure out the next thing for us to do. Lily bought something. A map.

She bought a map. She bought a map. The main thing I want to talk about, though, is I really wasn't mentally prepared for the main thing that was going to be an immersive experience that was entirely different than anything I've ever experienced that put me in the driver's seat of a situation that I was not prepared for. which was on the wrong side of the car, excuse me for saying it that way, on the other side of the car, and then having to drive on the other side of the roads over the course of our entire two-week trip.

Now, don't you think, just a little bit, that this might be a recipe for disaster? Yeah. might be a recipe for disaster. Yeah. Because sometimes you driving on the right side of the road can be a recipe for disaster. I mean, how many pedestrians have I... Almost hit? Almost maimed, killed, or otherwise clipped here in America?

That then, like... That you've seen firsthand. That then DM'd us later? Yeah, yeah. At least one. At least one. At least one. Many pedestrians have been taught the lesson of look at both ways by me. That is the real risk.

In America. When you're in another country, first of all, as a pedestrian, being in a country where they drive on the other side of the road, it's easy to get hit because you look the wrong way when you cross the street, which also means that it's probably easy for the hitting to happen. In London, I did not ever drive when I visited. But as a pedestrian, when I would cross every street, I would look down at the crosswalk and they would have signs everywhere on the pavement and they would say, look right.

Everywhere you look, look right, look right. None of that in New Zealand. Like no pedestrian look right anywhere. Now, when I got my rental car, I mean, you're fresh off the plane. You've flown for over 11 hours. You're on the precipice of your wildest dreams coming true, but you're jet lagged, and, you know, it's 6 a.m., but I don't know what.

It's the day before, and what is going on? And I get in the car, and I'm in the passenger seat. Like, literally, I've,'ve like gotten in the car completely. So you didn't think about this until that moment? The thought crossed my mind, but then I'm like, ah, I should just think about it later. You know, think about it later. And so the later was when I was in the passenger seat

looking for the steering wheel. Cause you know, when I went to Scotland, it's a little difference in our personalities here. And I knew I was gonna be driving all throughout Scotland. And then I was gonna have to drive all the way from the Highlands all the way to London over the course of a few days. And I was driving a big van,

like a 12 passenger van. Yeah, with your extended family. And so I watched videos a big van, like a 12-passenger van. And so I watched videos about how to get your brain ready for it. And even having done that, like... You prepared. I prepared, and I still wasn't prepared. And the roundabouts... Oh, let me get to that. So, okay, so you prepared.

I didn't. I got out of the car. I walked around. I got out of the car. I walked around. I got in the driver's seat. And to the left of the steering wheel, which is the middle of the car, crazy, right? There's a little sticker, and it says, keep left. Like somebody put a sticker on there. Keep left.

I'm like, okay, okay. It's that simple. It's just that simple. And then I'm like, every time I. It's that simple. It's just that simple. And then I'm like, every time I get in a rental car in America, it takes me at least 15 minutes to put that thing in drive. I'm just going to say it. You know, you got to connect your phone with the car play, and you got to make sure that works because you want the GPS to be there.

You don't want to be fiddle-farting with that or the music. And then, there you go. You gotta get better at the hand farts if you're gonna try to punctuate my stories with them. I'm trying to fiddle-fart. You know, you gotta adjust the mirrors. You gotta know where the emergency brake is. You gotta know how to adjust everything

so that you're not fiddle-farting around once you get on the road. Right. And now, so I did all of that, and then it was like, there was an extra beat, it was like, okay, I'm putting it in drive. Even putting it in drive with your other hand. Not easy.

It's weird. It was like, I couldn't do it. It's like writing a letter with your off hand. Well, not quite, but yeah. Or just writing a letter, because nobody does. Not quite, but yeah. Or just write in a letter, because nobody does that anymore. It's like, oh, awkward. I put it in drive, and I start to ease out. I mean, the spatial just identity of the car is so difficult. And I'm driving to get out of an airport.

This is like the worst. It's like the start is an obstacle course. I mean, there's more pedestrians walking around everywhere there than anywhere else. And people who don't know where they're going and who are experiencing the same thing that I'm experiencing. There's a bunch of Americans getting into cars that are going the wrong way. Or the majority of the earth drives on the same side as us.

So it's not just Americans who are figuring this crap out. What is the breakdown of that? It's just a British thing, and then the British colonies. But they did a lot of colonizing. Yeah, well, yeah. So I don't like, what is the percentage breakdown of that, Jamie,

of what percentage of the world drives on the right side of the road and the left side of the road? Let's see here. It looks like, it doesn't give me a percentage, but it says around 30%

of the world drives on the left. Okay, but that's still a minority. Yeah. So, yeah, I didn't know it was that.

70% of the world, 70% of the people going through there, let's just say, if this is going to work out. Because I guess all of South America drives on the right side of the road. Yeah. I decided, you know, I'm just going to get in behind somebody, and I'm going to take it slow. And everything was okay. You know, once you got on a split lane road, it was like two lanes and a median in the two lanes. And then it really just came about like, okay, I want to go slow and I want to really pace myself and I don't want to make my family more nervous than they already are and should be.

What did you find to be the most challenging thing? Staying in the far left lane when I wanted to be slow. Staying in the far left lane when I wanted to be slow. And then after a while, not being lulled into getting back into the right lane to go slow. And then later when I'm on a two-lane road, not being lulled into the fact that that right lane is oncoming traffic and not the fast lane. Because that was the first thing I was introduced to, split lane highway. Then we get out into the country because we were staying outside of Auckland.

First of all, the most bucolic scenery in the central part of the Northern Ireland is just like rolling green hills Colic scenery in the central part of the Northern Island. It's just like rolling green hills with sheep and cows all over them. And then an occasional house. Just not a lot more than that. Absolutely beautiful. Even if it is raining a lot more than they said it would,

which made it a little bit depressing at first. There are, once you get out of the city, there are no stop lights. There are no stop signs. There are just what I call yield signs, but they look like a yield sign and they just say, make way. And what I interpreted that to mean was, I'm coming through, make way. I didn't stop for anything but I'm pretty sure I would have yielded in a roundabout if somebody was

curving around the roundabouts when you're rounding them about the opposite way are it's pretty much a mind screw yeah

but I was doing okay the key was and I didn't watch any videos was just go slow. Just follow other people.

And just trust. Until you have to lead. And then we had to find a pharmacy, and we went back into town, and there was, like, stress for finding a pharmacy. And, like, the place where the pharmacy was supposed to be wasn't there, and here I'm back into town, and I'm on the left-hand side, but I have to turn right. And there's cars coming across. And like, I think I'm going to turn right here.

And now, oh, crap. No, it's up there. And then I'm making a last second decision to turn right across traffic into a side street where I think this pharmacy is back in Auckland. And I decided to pull out in front of somebody. Good. And so I gunned it. Make way. So then I gunned it and I turn, and then I see that there's a car in the street that's

coming out, but then there's a space to the right of the car, when I'm looking at the car, and there's a space to the left of the car. Stay left, it's on the sticker, stay left. And I just don't want to get hit by the car that I've turned in front of, and I've literally just gunned this thing. And so I make an instinctive self-preservation decision to just go to the right of the guy who's stopped.

Okay. What the pedestrian didn't know was that I was going to do this. Oh, the pedestrian is suddenly here. There was a pedestrian walking behind the car who was stopped. So he had crossed, and I should have gone to the left where the pedestrian had just crossed. The pedestrian was now behind the car, which he shouldn't have been. Tall guy though. Definitely his fault.

And then. It's probably the 75th time he's done this. I careened right. I like, I didn't see him until he was beside me. Like he got, he like popped back out of the way and like threw his arms out. And then he kind of faded off into nothing. He could look and see you were an American just by looking at you.

Oh yeah, oh yeah. And I went another block and there was no pharmacy there. So you were wrong on every count. It was for nothing. So I had to turn around

and I was like What did your family say? I was like damn I hope that pedestrian is still not there. They weren't Christy just goes into deep breathing

now. Yeah. Good for her. She doesn't say anything anymore. It's just She turns into a tea kettle.

Yeah, after 23 years of marriage, she has found the best way forward, Link, is deep breathing. Her eyes are, it's kind of, she's like she's a Buddha. Her eyes just get real thin, and just like, air just seeps out forever. That's all she could do.

It's just like, talk about it. That's all she could do. Whoosh. And it's a slow head shake. And then she's like, talk about it. Talk about what you could do. Whoosh. And it's a slow head shake. And then she's like, at every other time we stop, she's like, go to that side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to the left, you know?

You asked for it. And I couldn't, there's nothing I could say to her. So that was early on in the trip. I got better and better. I gained confidence to the point where I was like, you know, I kind of like this side of the road. It's better. I think I'll bring this back to America.

I definitely love the fact that there's no stop signs. There's no stoplights. It's all roundabouts and giveaways. There's a sense of momentum in New Zealand. It's like if you can keep going, just keep going. And you might have to slow down and like- You can do that in less populated places. Yeah, I- You can't do that in-

It's really nice. Los Angeles. It's really nice. I love that. The thing that I found the most challenging, and I had an observer, right? Because my brother was also driving, and we would, sometimes he would be in the front, sometimes he would be in the front sometimes he would be in the back and i remember we had been driving for a couple of days and i was like talking to him and my dad who were behind me and i was like i think i'm getting the hang of this

and they were like really yeah they were like well what we have observed and first of all we were in like rural scotland where i swear the roads are not as wide as they are. No, they're not. They weren't there either. Those roads are so tiny. They were like your... Every bridge is single. ...left wheel because you're on the right side of the car.

Your left wheel is on the line on the side of the road. Yes. Because you don't want to get hit by the oncoming traffic, and you're not used to accommodating for that side of the road. Yes, and that's, and Christy was... Because you don't want to get hit by the oncoming traffic, and you're not used to accommodating for that side of the car, you're used to accommodating for this side of the car. Yes, so there was a, Christy was like, and even Lincoln, you know, Lincoln never speaks up

about this stuff, like, he never says anything. He's a middle child. He's like, and then he's, and he's not even, he's in the very back of the car, like two rows back alone. And all of a sudden, you know, I just hear him say, Dad, you're kind of getting close to the side of the road a lot. Yeah, it's inevitable. stay away from like you you have this hyper awareness of oncoming traffic and so you drift over there to the left to the point where like i'm hitting the rumble strips a lot if they were a rumble strip i did that quite a bit i still had a lot of confidence by the by the end of the thing chris and i had a had a a little getaway one morning where we got a massage once we had gotten

down to uh queensland queenstown did they start the massage on the other side of your body? Yeah. And we were super relaxed. We came out of that. We get back into the car. I'm like, we're going to go grab some food before we go back. And I was trying to decide. I pulled up to the road.

It was a two-lane road, and I was trying to decide, am I going to go left to this pizza place or am I going to go right to this other place? And I was, like, making a last-second decision. And then that's when you get into trouble. You've got to make completely calculated decisions. Link can't be making last-minute decisions. I thought you already knew that.

I had confidence. That's dangerous. And so I decide that I'm gonna go right. And I look to my left and there's no car coming. Right in my immediate lane on the left. But what about to the right? Because, spoiler alert, cars don't come towards you on the left lane. On the immediate lane. Everyone else is also driving on the left side of the road, not just you.

So I looked left, there was nobody coming because no one would ever be coming in that lane, and I start turning right, instinctively. Again, I just reverted, and immediately, like someone was late on the horn, slammed on brakes, and I slam on brakes, and it's a really nice Land Rover, which goes past me,

and then slams completely on brakes in the road and stops to my left. And gets out. The car stops, and there's this moment where it's like, oh, he still stopped. He still stopped. Oh, his caution lights are on. He's getting out of his truck, and he's in a huff. Well, yeah. He's an old man.

He's kind of, like, hunched over. His shirt's tucked into his pants. His pants are up really high. That he just shit in a huff. Right. And he starts coming up to the nearest side of the car, which is Christy's side of the car, and she rolls her window down. Now, if you remember many years ago, the altercation that I had at the gas station with the guy that I honked the horn at

who came back in to approach me, he came to Christy's side, and I rolled her window down, and I've gotten a lot of shit for that ever since because I put her in harm's way by rolling the window down so in this instance I remember that in that moment that's good I mean he in fairness the dude was probably 80 he was walking slow enough that I could have been I started to develop a plan and as Chrissy was rolling down the window I said don't roll your

window down and I started I hit the button to roll her window up, which froze the window at her eye level. And then she looks at me, and I was like, ah, yeah. And she lets go, and the window goes up. And then I gesture to the guy, come over to my side. Okay, all right. Now we're talking. Then I roll my window down to eye level. I'm not going to give him a full window

where he can get his 80-year-old fist through into my face. He would have to take his 80-year-old fist, bring it up above his shoulder level, and then come down. And he probably can't do that. And then the blow would have been much more gentle. Right. So I was pretty strategic.

And you could trap his hand. And I could trap his hand. That's right. I see where you're going with this. So I roll my window down just to eye level because I thought out of respect. I don't want him to have to look at me through a window. Out of respect.

And he's yelling at me before he gets up to the window. But I don't know if it was because he was old or because of his accent, but I could not understand a word this dude was saying. I don't know what you do. Okay, he's a smoker. And I just waited for a gap in his tirade, and I said, I'm sorry, sir. And then he goes back into it again. Well, it didn't bring him down a notch at all.

Because he heard your accent. Yeah. Just as I suspected. I had no clue what he was saying again, and then I waited for another gap, and I said, yes, sir. And then he walked back to his car, which was still in the middle of the road, gets back in and drives off.

And I look over at Christy, and she's... God bless that woman. Just release. There's a special place in heaven. Just releasing. There's a special place in heaven for Christy Neal. Thank God that I did not hit that guy. Thank God.

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Learn more at LandRover.ca. and everyone can enjoy the journey. Learn more at LandRover.ca. It's, I mean, you know, you're illustrating. It's tough, man. It's dangerous. It's dangerous to just let somebody do that. Like, I'm actually surprised. I'm not surprised that we don't require

any sort of steps in America. There should be a course. You can do anything in America. Like, you get the rental car at the airport and you should have to go through a training. But in other responsible countries like New Zealand, it just feels like there should be

something. If you're gonna rent a car, you have to watch this video. This is where you're wrong. Oh, come on. New Zealand is not that type of country. New Zealand, not that type of country. New Zealand, as I discovered, is a fun-loving country of positivity. Everybody's happy.

Everybody's barefoot, walking around, smiling, having a good time. The friendliest people. You go into a pharmacy when you eventually find one, and you know what happens? The pharmacist comes out from behind the counter. Barefoot? Barefoot. And she starts telling you about all the drugs that can help whatever type of hay fever your son is dealing with. And spends time, eye contact. How does she know he had hay fever? She just knows it when he walks in?

He went through the hay fever door. We had a conversation. Oh, okay. That was the thing. It's like they're so freaking helpful there and friendly. You made it sound like she was, you know, clairvoyant. Clairvoyant? They're clairvoyant over there.

They're super helpful, and they like to have fun, dude. This is the place where bungee jumping was invented. Now, technically, bungee jumping was invented in Vanuatu by a woman who wanted to get away from her horrible husband. And she survived the fall. The guy didn't. So then women started tying vines to their feet and jumping off towers and they built out of twigs.

And then men eventually said hey you women are looking way too cool doing this so we're going to take that from you and now we're going to be the ones to do it which is what they did right but then um that i mean there was some kiwi dude who uh basically turned that into a tourism sport of bungee jumping, which we saw firsthand over people jumping off a bridge and you could dip your toe. Not your toe. That would be jumping backwards. Your head.

You could dip your head into the water if you wanted to. You could dunk your whole body into the water if you wanted to. No bungees. I didn't want to do it because I want you and me to do that together. I'm going to have to do that though. No. No bungees. I didn't want to do it because I want you and me to do that together. Oh, okay. Alright. I'm gonna have to do that for a bonafide video if I'm gonna do something that crazy. Okay.

But they, this is where they invented it. You can also do it naked there. Okay. If you want to strip down nude, they will allow that. I don't want to put my eye out. Officially. You supply your, I supply my own bungee cord for that one. I think they got it. Hand fart noise.

The thing that we did do on the Shotover River was we, and they tell you you gotta do this. They invented this type of boat called a jet boat. Oh, I've seen the videos of this. It's basically a jet ski with stadium seating for like, A river. 16 people. And you go on a river and do 360s. Whoa.

And these are like tight gorges, and these things can go. You can't drive it though, right? No, no, no, no. You want to say somebody else drives it. Professional drivers, and you just buy a $189 ticket to sit in there for a 25-minute ride,

and we did this as a family. And it was... Christy went on this. Christy went on it, and she said, you know what? I'm excited to go on this. Because you weren't driving. Yeah.

They can go in, like, a foot of water. Yeah. Because it's jet ski propulsion. It pulls water in and then shoots it out these jets that are, like, you know, it's low profile. And they go fast. And they can turn on a dime. Like, literally 360, and you're going through these tight gorges, and the pilot makes it look like the front of this thing is going to hit the side of the gorge, and then you're like skidding out, and it was super thrilling, but when we were

watching other people do it, waiting in the line, and there's no orientation. I'm pretty sure there was no waiver to sign. Now, we got in a line. They said anything that's valuable, anything that you don't want to get wet, you can put in a locker, and then you put on a PFD. They did put a life vest on you. And then you get in and you sit down, and then the pilot just holds up a placard.

It's like, keep your arms inside of the vehicle. You don't want to put your arms on the outside. The difference between an Aussie accent and a Kiwi accent, as far as I can tell, is just the inflection at the end. So, keep your legs inside of the vehicle is my Aussie accent.

It's great, isn't it? My Kiwi accent is, keep your legs inside of the vehicle. That's the difference. Okay. That's the only difference in accents. Okay. That is the only Thing that he told us There was no seatbelt

There was a bar And he said when I do this Making a circular symbol That means I'm gonna do a 360 And you might wanna hold on At that point You know that is the safety orientation Right

I mean in America I guarantee you I'd have to go through in America, I guarantee you I'd have had to go through a class. And I guarantee you I'd be wearing a seatbelt. Now, maybe there's something about being a boat and if it turns over, you'd rather get tossed out. I don't know. Yeah, that's why you don't wear seatbelts in boats. You'd still wear one in America. My point still kind of stands. They like to have fun over there. We had a blast.

Christy loved that. I was like, you love that? You're afraid of flying, you're afraid of going in caves, you're afraid of a lot of stuff, and I respect that. Some of this stuff isn't for everybody. But this was an extreme boating activity. She's like, I just love being on the water. And I'm like, what?

Okay, wow. Well, you gotta get a boat, man. I was like, well, I gotta get being on the water. And I'm like, what? Okay, wow. Well, you gotta get a boat, man. I was like, well, I gotta get you on a boat, girl. Yeah, and then when we got off land, I was like, this is the best thing I've ever done. You know, you have those moments where you're like, where the kids are just like exuberant about something. Like Lily was absolutely exuberant about Hobbiton.

And when we took a tour to Isengard, we freaking showed up where Saruman's tower was. Of course, there's not one there. It's actually like a riverbed. Super picturesque. Where they just kind of digitized it. Yeah, where they digitized it in, but we literally went there.

And so to watch the kids just be ecstatic about it lincoln and i went scuba diving at poor knight's islands which is like an amazing scuba diving experience like scuba diving scuba diving with these rays and lots of fish and uh how cold was water these little it was a it was about the same it is as he would wear like a 7-mil wetsuit. He had a head cold leading up to it. I had convinced him that, listen, you're probably just going to have to snorkel. You're not going to be able to go because you're not going to be able to clear, to equalize. But he was able to, and he was able to go, and it was just like –

for each kid to have their moment and for Christy to have her boat moment. And, you know, it's like and then you as a dad, the thing that I started doing was like looking at the moments where the kids were deciding to take photos. Like that's telling, you know, it's like when they feel like something's photo worthy. So it was nice to see each of them kind of pick their moments. And Lando's was theando's was the jet boat. But they do love to have fun down there, and they want you to jump off of stuff. The most thrilling thing for me was we went to Waitimo Caves. Waitimo?

I don't know. Waitimo? Waitimo. Waitimo? Went to Moe? Went to Moe. And so we put on wetsuits, we got in inner tubes, and we hiked down into caves where there's, like, water rushing through it.

And we, like, inner-tubed into the darkness and saw glowworms on the ceiling when, like, we killed our headlamps. This was, like, two and a halfamps this is like these are real two and a half hours yes these glow worms are real glow worms are real and it was like how big are they you're they're really small and you're they you kill off all the lights and you're like drifting in this pitch black cave river stream and it just looks like constellations i mean it was that was my favorite thing because it was so otherworldly and unlike anything i had ever done like caves are so cool and like there were certain points where there would be like waterfalls where you had to line up and put your back to the waterfall with the inner tube around your butt and jump backwards into darkness and land in like two meters is pretty far to jump backwards.

That's my height. Yeah. So we jumped off of a couple of waterfalls, one that was that tall. How cold was that water? That was colder. That was, it was probably, might have been 60 degrees. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

And that was thrilling. And the glowworms, as it turns out, are just maggots. They're just flies. Glow maggots. that poop out a glowy substance that is a lure for the stuff that they eat, like little flies and stuff, insects to go in there, and they go towards the glowy thing, but then they've dropped another string,

like a silk string, and they get... Catch them. They catch them in that, and then they slurp them up, and they eat them, and they eat these things until they get enough strength to go into a cocoon. And then they take that strength of eating that stuff, they make a cocoon, and then they come out the other side as a male or female fly, and then they just get together. You really listened to the tour guide. And then they mate, and then the male dies

because he doesn't have any more energy. Oh, gosh. Because you know how much energy it takes. Yeah, it does. Everything you got. Especially on the ceiling. And then the female takes the energy she's got, and she lays a whole slurry of eggs up there on the ceiling,

and then she dies. And then the first one that hatches eats all the other ones before they hatch so that he can get enough energy to poop out some glow shit and start the whole freaking process over again. Nature is beautiful. What is the point of life? All of the beauty of nature is for sex or death. It's for perpetuation. They

don't even get enough energy when they turn into flies to develop eyes or mouths. They cannot see or eat. All they can do is screw and die. There are worse things. We'd rather only be able to eat or only be able to screw. And it was beautiful. Ask a worm. It was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in a cave.

Yeah. We had a wonderful time. It was probably the best trip I've ever been on. Wow. Yeah. So it was better than Australia. It was action-packed.

It was more catered towards actual just the enjoyment part, whereas when we were in Australia, we were also touring. Right, right, right. Not that that isn't incredibly enjoyable, but it's work at the same time. Right. And the activities we did, like Hobbiton was one of a kind, the Glowworm Cave was one of a kind,

the Scuba location, one of a kind. And then all of the other Lord of the Rings stuff was really amazing. So like... You recommend it. I loved it. I love it.

I want to go back. I would definitely go back to Queenstown. I loved it there. It was beautiful. I'd like to visit Wellington. Didn't get to go there. Well, I didn't go

to New Zealand. No, you didn't. Or Old Zealand. No, you didn't. Or Old Zealand. I went to North Carolina. That's okay. I told you that I wanted to have a staycation. That was the plan. We were going to go to North Carolina for a few days.

And then come back to L.A. And you said, well, you can tell them. Treat it like a tourist would treat the city. Well, that's a great plan until your son gets the flu. Yeah. And Locke getting the flu really put a damper on the family plans. What were you gonna do, walk around Hollywood Boulevard?

No, well, we ended up going, we like, we went to like, I had never been to the Getty Villa. Oh, yeah. Which is very cool. We did do that. We did do that. We were going to do that light show thing at Descanso, but like, actually,

that night it rained. That's why we didn't go. That was before Christmas. But we had, you know, we went to a couple of restaurants, and the Lakers-Clippers game that we went to last night was the last thing to do during the break or whatever. But the big plan that we had was to have, and this is Jesse's idea, and I kind of was reluctant, but I ended up going along with it,

was to have a New Year's party, a New Year's Eve party. A big one, right? Well, it started as let's have some friends over, and then it turned into, well, let's invite this person, let's invite this person. And then it was like a last-minute thing. There's a certain type of friend that's the threshold friend that if you think about inviting them,

then all of a sudden the floodgates open. Right, and it was... And you don't inviting them, then all of a sudden the floodgates open. Right. And it was. And you don't tell them that. Two weeks before this announcement comes out two weeks before New Year's Eve. So this is basically, if you don't have plans, long story short, when Locke got the flu,

he was still pretty much in the throes of it at that time. And we were like, well, we might get the flu. Maybe we've got the flu and we don't know that we've got the flu, he was still pretty much in the throes of it at that time. And we were like, well, we might get the flu. Maybe we've got the flu and we don't know that we've got the flu yet. We don't even invite a bunch of people to our house to all get the flu for the beginning of the year. So we actually rescheduled the party. So now you can come.

Yes. It's a Saturday. Oh. Yeah. Oh, okay. You're invited. Oh, thank you. Saturday Oh Yeah Um Oh Okay You're invited Oh thank you

You're probably already Your family via your wife Probably already knows this Okay Um I kind of thought I'd be snowboarding But maybe I'll be there

Uh Well if you're snowboarding It's fine Okay So The uh But what we ended up doing Because

As the date approached and Jessie and I were not sick and Locke was getting better, but we basically already said, hey, we're not doing the party. Our good friends, Ralph and Heather were like, well, if you guys wanna come over on New Year's Eve, we can hang out on New Year's Eve, just us. And Ralph really wants to cook.

He's a good cook. He's a great cook. And anytime Ralph says that he wants to cook, like Ralph puts my little chicken sandwiches and paella and all the five things that I've kind of tried to perfect, puts it all to shame. Because I do like this big thing that everyone can eat all at the same time.

And Ralph was like, I'm doing a coursed meal. Let me just show you one course. This is at someone's home. This is just Ralph in his kitchen making stuff and then bringing it to the table. Wow, there's three plates stacked there. And so this, my friend. Is teetering bacon.

Is, no, so this is lobster. Oh. Butter poached lobster, and then on top of it is, that's potatoes. Teetering taters. And then some sort of leeks or something and some sort of beet. So I don't, this is just one of like seven, this man's a maniac. Wow.

And it was just for us. And he had the French Laundry Cookbook. Now, just so you understand, like this is like one of the best restaurants in the world. It's the kind of thing that if I were to look at the French Laundry cookbook, I would be lost immediately and not able to follow any of the steps

because it requires all this background culinary knowledge that he just has. Well, you have to be Swiss. Or French. He's Swiss though. He's Swiss. And it was freaking incredible. And I was just, like I was, I kept telling him,

I was like, Ralph, this is so much better than it needs to be. You know what I'm saying? Like, hey, we didn't need it to be this excellent of an experience. And then we were all joking about, Ralph, you should open a restaurant. And then we realized it would just be called Ralph's.

And then we realized that that's a grocery store. And so it would be confusing. And so then we determined that it would be called Ralph's, and then in parentheses, not the grocery store, the restaurant. Kind of undersells it. But that's good to lower expectations. So anyway. Better than it needs to be.

That was, I got to say, you know me, I like to eat. That was the highlight of my break was the food, and specifically the food provided to me by my Swiss friend, Ralph. The highlight of New Zealand was not the food for me. You notice I didn't talk about that at all. They call burgers with chicken, chicken burgers. They call chicken sandwiches, chicken burgers.

Okay. I don't love that. You don't tip there. It's included in the- Well, there's no tipping. So as nice as everybody is- Well, that means they probably pay people fair wages. I do think that that is what happens,

but as nice as everybody was, the service was not great at restaurants. This is like, people don't expect it to be that great. And I think that the tipping thing is part of that. Was there any, I know that you were more in like adventure mode, but when you were in the cities, was there like, tonight we're going to this nice restaurant. Yeah, ate some of the best Indian food I've ever had.

I mean, you know, it's going to sound like I'm talking about London here. I also ate some of the worst Indian food I've ever had, too, but it was just, we were outside of town. Well, yeah. I mean, it's the best thing that they have are meat pies. And you can just get them everywhere.

Gas stations, it's very similar to Australia. We need that here. We need more meat pies. Now, there's certain, you can just get them everywhere. Gas stations, it's very similar to Australia. We need that here. We need more meat pies. Now, there's certain, you can find a couple of places that will have a meat pie, but like, they have them everywhere. Like steak and cheese, venison and plum. You got good coffee though, right? And then coffee, just like in our experience in Australia, especially Melbourne. Like, they care about coffee.

Every sign, like when you're driving down the road, there'll be signs for two things, coffee and toilets. Like they care about, and those things go together. They go hand in hand. They go hand in hand in hand. But as a coffee neater, as a coffee addict, like that matters to me. Like where am I going to get my next coffee?

Where's it going to come from? You never have to worry about that in New Zealand because everybody is constantly worrying about it. And the thing that gets me about toilets, though, is that they call bathrooms toilets. I don't like that. It's like don't. What do they call the toilet, the commode? They just call it toilet. I don't know.

I guess they call it toilets because, I mean, it is a toilet. And there will be signs everywhere that just say toilets. It's like, don't. Yeah, I don't want to think about the toilets. Don't say, don't put, don't say toilets. You could say restroom, bathroom. But they don't think about it in the same way. No, and they say it to you, too. It's like, toilet.

They say it. They say the word toilet. But it makes more sense. How often do you bathe in the bathroom? Restroom, that's nice. Oh, a little respite here. Take a little seat. How often do you rest?

I saw a guy at the Getty Villa who came into the restroom while I was in there, and boy did he rest when he urinated. You know, like, putting your arm up on the wall over the urinal and just going, like, getting ready to nap standing up while you piss? Yeah. What is that about? Maybe he saw some really breathtaking art and he was just, you know, completely pooped. I think some people, when they release down there, it just like,

it ripples through everything. But why you gotta put your whole, like, it just like, it ripples through everything. But why you gotta put your whole, like, it was like, arm on the wall, head into the arm, and just like... I don't know. Ohhhhhhhhhhh. It's like he was experiencing the best thing ever, and it is pleasurable. You were jealous.

But I don't wanna be touching... No. Why do people, when they're at a water fountain, like... Suckle? No. Why do people, when they're at a water fountain, like... Suckle? I think people, like, they, like, push, and then they're just like... I haven't seen that since grade school, man. Well, go to an airport. Let me tell you. Yeah, yeah. I don't get on those water fountains at airports, man.

All right, and that leads me to my rec this week. Rec, baby, rec, baby. First one of 2024 from, I know this is our second episode, but it's the first one we've done in 2024. Never use the shorter water fountain because more people suck on it. That's your rec? That's my belief. That is my belief.

I mean, because of kids. Kids will suck on a water fountain. Kids will suck on a water fountain. And if there's two, go to the higher one. I always do. Yeah, you do. So I guess I'm a nuclear. You still look like a giraffe at a stream. Yeah. So we're back at it, y'all. We survived. My family survived. See, that's what Christy does. Slow breath out. I love New Zealand. I highly recommend it. Um, me too.

All right, let us know. Hashtag Ear Biscuits, what you thinking about all this. Remember, leave us a review wherever you listen to this. It is very helpful, especially if it's a positive review. Especially. So if this show means something to you, put it in a review. That would mean something great to us. And if you have a question or a comment, just want to tell us something,

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