Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Our Romantic Fails | Ear Biscuits Ep. 368

Episode Date: February 6, 2023

Spaghetti explosions, break-ins, and cop-blocks?! Sometimes your planned romantic moments… completely blow up in your face, literally. In this episode, Rhett and Link are reacting to your most romantic mishaps, and telling a tale or two of their own when cupid wasn’t quite on their side. Don’t worry, love gets better. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/EAR and get on your way to being your best self. To get Blood Oath #2, join 3rd degree Mythical Society quarterly or annually by March 31st! at mythicalsociety.com To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Let's go seize the night. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Visit amex.ca slash yamx. Benefits vary by card. Other conditions apply. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we are going to be talking about your romantic mishaps.

You answered our question that we put out there on the internet, which was, ever had a romantic plan completely fall apart, whether you planned it or someone planned it for you? We want to know your romantic mishap stories. So that we can laugh in your face, you know? Sometimes love goes sideways, Rhett. Hey listen, it can go any way you want. That's your preference.

You know what, I got a number of friends who like, they talk about their first date or like an early romantic encounter with the person that they've been with for like years, maybe decades now. And like the best stories are the ones that like start off sideways. Like you hate each other

or something catches on fire or like, you know, venereal disease. Spoiler alert, I haven't read any of these. I'm just saying, just a metaphorical venereal disease. Okay, nothing catches, yeah, something catches on fire. Oh. I just, I mean, I look at the- Teaser.

I can look at the titles of the things that we have to go through here. Yeah, you looked at the titles this time, I didn't, because I was working on something else. Now, what about super gonorrhea though? I cannot speak intelligently about this, nor from personal experience. Do you know what I'm talking about?

I'm not talking about that year I was a superhero called super gonorrhea. No. I'm talking about drug super gonorrhea. No. I'm talking about drug-resistant gonorrhea. Okay. So obviously drug-resistant bacteria and I guess viruses are something that we were all talking about

and all really scared of until COVID happened. And then we got distracted or I, you know, moved to that crisis. But now that we are, hopefully that crisis is subsiding. Now staring us straight in the face is the drug resistant bugs that we will be facing in the, we are already facing millions of people dying of this already worldwide. Millions more will die soon. Now, but I'm... Let's make some adjustments. I'm monogamous. I mean, let's just make this about me.

And super gonorrhea. Now, I don't think it necessarily kills you, but from what I know of it... I mean, is it just if you're like... It's gonorrhea that you can't treat it. Like your legs are spreading a Ralph's and you can get it? No.

I think you gotta get it from somebody else with super gonorrhea. Okay. The point I'm making is that you said that some of the best stories or love stories start with things going sideways. And I'm just saying, I wonder if there's a super gonorrhea becomes a super awesome relationship. And I'm doubting if that's the case. Okay. That was the joke portion of my setup.

Hey, safe sex, guys, all right? Safe. Wear a condom. You know what? Not two, though. Don't wear two. We learned that from our sex-tember. Not sex-tember.

We learned that from the GMM episode where we talked about questions that kids ask. That's where we learned that. Really? Yeah, when we were singing about sex ed questions. Okay. That's where we learned. If you wear two condoms- The friction.

The chances of one of the condoms actually rupturing is much increased. Yeah, because the friction, it'll burn, it'll start a fire. That's where the fire comes in, it'll start a fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where the fire comes in. It's like a racing. Okay, that's a negative thing.

Can I throw in a positive thing to kick this thing off? Please. Because I am riding high. You didn't even think I was gonna be here today, man. We're recording at a completely different time than I had planned for and prepared for. But we're still good. We're still good. We're actually better.

I'm so good. I'm so good. I'm so grateful. I'm feeling so great because I am free. I have been released from jury duty. I got the thing. I've been calling in all week. You have to call in at like 7 p.m. at night for the next day. Yeah.

Last night, it was a Wednesday night. What's the day? Thursday? Yeah. And I had made it through Monday, I made it through Tuesday, I made it through Wednesday, and then, oh no, I got to go in. I got to be in there at eight o'clock. And this is the second time this has happened to you. Downtown LA. We've both been called or summoned to be considered for a jury multiple times. I've called all week, I think three times since I've been in L.A. And never been summoned. Never been summoned. And this is the second time.

You think it's, it can't be like some alphabetical thing. I'm super summonable, man. Yeah, but they don't know anything about you. That's what they say about me. Oh, he is so summonable. I mean, is there something about, I mean, I don't know what it is. Is it glasses? They think you've got better judgment?

It's my sense of justice. They don't know that you've got glasses. It's my sense of justice. I'm known for that. I was ushered into some holding room. I mean, there was like over 100 people in there. The more, the less likely it is for you to be called. They started calling people over the loudspeaker, just listing out names.

And then people would just get up and just go off into oblivion, never to be heard of again. See anybody you recognize? Nope. I'm like, I mean, like, where's LeBron James in all this? It's kind of what I'm thinking. Nobody escapes it. Nobody escapes it, man. I mean, it's a civic duty.

They're a civic duty, man. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I'm happy to do it, and I did it. And it didn't take long. But I got scared, man. You know, 15 people go away, 25 people go away, and then they're like, all right, for this next one, it's going to be a 30-day trial.

So when I call your name, you either yell out yes or no based on whether you have a valid excuse. And they give you the excuses that you can choose from. And they give the excuses you can choose from. One of them is you've paid for a vacation that is nonrefundable. Wow. I'm like, you know what? I'm looking for all types of reasons to plan another nonrefundable vacation.

You know, if you plan any sort of vacation, even if you do an Airbnb for one night, after you've prepared yourself to pay, pony up, whatever you got to pony up, there's always this like, oh, and do you want to add insurance? It's kind of like when you go to rent a car and they're like, oh, do you want to add insurance? And it's like, oh, what should I do? You don't have to add insurance if you got it through your credit card. Yeah, that's what I think. But now I'm like, oh, I'm not adding insurance

to a vacation because I could get called in for jury duty. And this is my out. I did not get called for the 30 day. Good gracious. Because, and one of the excuses, valid excuses, is if you're self-employed. Self-employed, and so it's like a company, you put your company

livelihood at risk. And there's so much that we're doing here that like, I was prepared to give some sort of speech to like lawyers and judges. It was like, you know. Let me show you my important work that I do. There's lots, I mean, look at this hair. I don't, I think everyone in this, in the proceedings will

be totally distracted by this hair. Yeah, that's true. And plus, I got all these people who would just be sitting on their hands. It's like, I'm kind of central to this stuff. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here. I think I could go a month without you. But it would shut down production.

Everybody's just waiting for me to show back up again. But there were maybe a few day trials or whatever. I was prepared to talk about that, apparently. But there were like maybe a few day trials or whatever. I was prepared to talk about that, apparently. But then they kept calling, kept calling, and they said a couple of Charleses. And let me tell you, every time, every time they would say a name, boy, my pucker string would just tighten up. What did you think?

I was nervous, man. It was as if I was on trial. I mean, first of all, I think everyone needs to perform their civic duty. I did. And I do think that at some point- I was there for it. Later in my life, I would actually like to be a part of this system. Right now, not a great time. I'm curious. Yeah. I want to be able to like, I want to be a juror before I die. But my question for you...

Or while I'm dying, that would be interesting. Is because, is because I think that... Last thing I do. You, like if I were in your shoes, and again, I've actually been called in every time I've made the phone call, don't have to come in. But if I found out the night before that I was gonna have to go. You're not summonable. I would have gone on YouTube

and I would have like done some research about what I would say. Again, I wanna be clear. I'm not saying I'm avoiding this forever. I'm just saying that right now, really inconvenient, even three days right now, throws a lot of, everything is planned here in such, so far advanced that I don't like

to throw that wrench into the system here. But my assumption is that you did not do any sort of preparation for that. No, I was in complete denial that it was ever gonna happen until the moment it happened. Because you would have a much more And then when I woke up this morning, Interesting story, I forgot. If you went there and you had to And then when I woke up this morning, I forgot. Interesting story if you went there

and you had to go to the next stage and answer questions. Because at that point- I was so close to that last time. There's a way to answer the questions that is honest, but still kind of throws them off your scent a little bit. If you're a long time Ear Biscuits listener, you can go back in time to, I don't know when that was, back when I had to go to like,

it was a different courthouse. I told that whole story. I don't even remember it. I'll go back and listen to it to know what happened to me. But they kept calling. They kept saying other Charles's. And then it was like, oh, we got there at 8, and it was like 1130 by this time. They probably called seven different groups,

seven different cases and people just file out. Because that's the interesting part from what I understand is the next part where there's a specific case. I've experienced that. And then they start describing things and asking specific questions. Oh yeah, they interrogate you to see

if they want to put you on the stand, not on the stand, in the jury box. And then they move you. If suddenly you're defending yourself. That's what I've already talked about, man. Go back to the archives if you want to be interested. But you didn't have to get up on that, you didn't have to answer a bunch of jury questions.

She comes over the loud speaker, no, and she just says, good news for all of you who are still sitting in here, you have performed your duty to completion. For a year. You're free to go, and we're going to give you a slip on the way out. You can sign it at your leisure, but keep up with that thing because you're good for the next 12 months. They're saying if you get summoned, you have to present this. Well, it's proof. Why doesn't the system know? It's proof if the system

tries to drag you in again. And let me tell you, when she made that announcement, everybody in there cheered. It felt like I'd been exonerated. Everybody in there was just kind of looking at each other like, we did it. We're innocent. Well, the courth was just kind of looking at each other like we did it. We're innocent. Well, the courthouse is kind of like a doctor's office. Even if there's nothing wrong with you, you feel like you're that close to justice being dispensed. Yeah, it can hit you. It makes you feel like, I don't know what could go wrong here. It was, I mean, it was great to be in like a government facility in like a holding room for hours and then to receive news that every single person in there was elated. Like that was that was a moment.

Everybody needs that every once in a while. Yeah, it just felt so good. Like we just all strutted out of there like we had done something and we hadn't done anything. We hadn't done anything. You've done more than I have. But I was ready. I was ready to give my speech to say why I couldn't perform my civic duty, because my civic duty is employing people. Huh.

You know what? Can you take a camera in there? No. Because we could, I mean, I'm just saying you can make it content. Yeah, you can't talk about it. I would talk about it in code. You could video glasses, spy glasses. I believe juror number seven.

What if I just had a big shoulder camera? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's definitely filming this. This is my emotional support camera. It's not on. Yeah, right. That's funny. Oh, man.

So there you go. I mean, it's just nice to be out in the world again. You know, the fresh air. Like, I was just looking at the sun just, like, beaming down on me and the beautiful downtown Los Angeles streets. And I was just... I got a new lease on life, man. Okay.

Well, let's ride that high into some romantic mishaps. Your teen requested a ride, but this time, not from you. It's through their Uber Teen account. It's an Uber account that allows your teen to request a ride under your supervision with live trip tracking and highly rated drivers. Add your teen to your Uber account today. Let's get to some emails. Of course, you can always call us. Vmails.

Voicemails. Voicemails at 1-888- EarPod1. Did I say four eights you know what i mean hey rhett and link um calling my name's abby calling about my romantic mishap story um i'm trying i'm gonna try to make this short but the this is about eight or nine years ago i had a really big crush on this guy it was was like, my crush is bigger than his crush on me. Eventually, after, you know, me pining over this guy, he came over to hang out one night. It was the weekend, it was really late. A guy on drugs basically broke into my apartment while we

were hanging out. I lived on the second floor of a duplex in this old, old building. And the locks and stuff, I guess, weren't that great. He basically busted through the door and jumped. He didn't even look at us. We're sitting on the couch. He just busted through the door, ran up the stairs, busted through the door, opened the window to the roof, didn't even look at us, went on the roof and was hanging out on the roof. I called 911 immediately. The guy I was with was completely useless.

This kind of diminished that crush on him. My roommate comes out. She's the nicest person we ever meet. And she's trying to coax this guy back into the house. And I'm like, no, I'm calling 911. Get this guy out of here. he's obviously on bath salts um you know from 10 years ago and the height of bath salts she's trying to coax him in with like ice cream and she's like come on in please like come in it's so cold like i'm like julie stop like what are you doing anyway um ruined the night

and uh but now we have a story to tell when the bath salt guy broke into our house. Anyway, he fell off the roof. He did. He landed in a snowbank. The police ended up catching him. It all worked out, whatever. Never saw him again. He didn't hurt us.

But it was a pretty intense night. So love you guys. Thanks for the opportunity to tell you my story. Okay, bye. He fell off the roof into a snowbank. He's okay. So that's why she was trying to coax him in with the ice cream, because she was afraid

he was gonna jump off the roof, which he did. So bath salts made it out of Florida, I guess, because there's no snowbanks in Florida. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. But the crush was completely useless. Which gives me a great idea. I'm with you, buddy.

Service that we could offer. Yes. I think that there is something to this creating a situation that becomes an intense yet pointed judge of your potential partner's character. Wherewithal. Anything. You know. What is it that you're interested in? Right, right.

We can construct that immersive experience. And we send somebody where they might be on bath salts. Yeah. I mean, and I'm using, I'm quote, quotations, because I'm not, you know, he's acting like he's on bath salts. Right. Because we're doing a service,

no one's actually doing it. But if he needs to jump off that roof, he will do it. He's a stuntman. We have a person for that. Right, right. We also have, like, if you're gonna go on a date and you wanna test the, like, fidelity meter

of your potential mate, and maybe this is like, hey, maybe we're three, four dates in. First you need to tell us what a fidelity meter is. Well, what I'm saying is that, okay, let's say- And then we'll be like, okay, we'll work on that. Let's say that you are a man who is dating a woman, and- It happens.

You are, the woman hires us to see if- Oh, fidelity. The man is- I was thinking like audio fidelity. Okay, well, you're a DJ. I can't help it. And so- Elkhound.

The test, we would have an attractive woman who would, at a certain point in the evening, would come in and flirt with the man as a test. And then she would- She would have on the video glasses, just to throw back there, because we have to have evidence. This is kind of like cheaters. And then if he does not succumb to her advances,

then she's like, well, I'm just gonna go up and jump off the roof and then see what he does. We don't have to have a jumping off the roof. I just gonna go up and jump off the roof and then see what he does. We don't have to have a jumping off the roof. I think they're all gonna jump off the roof. But we will provide the snow bank every time. Yeah, well that seems like an unnecessary expense. We'll work out the kinks.

Our resources are unlimited. I mean, just given, this is such a far and away the best business idea we've ever had. I think all we've really done is created a series of hard-to-watch social experiment YouTube videos, which are the kind of, I mean, I just don't like those videos, man. You know what I'm talking about? I'm talking about the completely fake ones. Fabricationed.

Yeah, and I just. It is nice to know. I mean, it's like, this is good data. If it's like your crush just completely implodes. If that's something that's attractive to you, then you've learned something. If that's something that's not attractive to you, then you've also learned something. Anything that happens when you're dating somebody is a learning opportunity. That's what I want to impart.

Like, dating is, just be curious, you know? Everything can teach you something, you know? Well, my wife has never let me live a particular situation down, and that was early in our marriage when we were walking down Franklin Street in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, where we were living at the time. I had to do some time in Chapel Hill. Mm-hmm. There was a man who was acting erratic. And he was on the street,

on the sidewalk and we walked past him and according to Jesse's account of this story, he was kind of erratic and it seemed like he was getting potentially aggressive in multiple directions

including while we walked by her direction and at which point I moved away from him. Behind her. No, no, it was like we were... What happened was... I remember her saying, behind her. No, I didn't... According to... The story has grown over the past 20 years to me,

like literally taking her and pushing her at him and running. Yeah, you ever see one of those, like a keeper? You see how a keeper just kind of lays out trying to save the score? What I will say I did, and it was a mistake, it was a mistake, is that I moved away from him. She was closer to him. My assumption was that if she was also threatened, I wasn't actually threatened, but I was kind of like, this guy's a little squirrely, I don't know what's gonna go on,

I'll step away from him. I was kind of expecting her to also step away, but she will never let me live down the fact that I did not step in front of her and create a big, red barrier. Yeah. And I'm sorry. That's your fail.

I mean, there is... What did she learn? She learned that, I guess, every single time we're walking on a sidewalk... Every man for himself, woman. ...any kind of character that seems to be exhibiting abnormal behavior that might lead to an incident, which happens quite often in Los Angeles. Which? She is like... her radar is up.

Now. It has to be now. She's not worried about being hurt by someone. She's worried about, are you going to do the thing that you did 20 years ago? Yeah. And so now, boy, you ought to see the way I can box out at this point. I mean, it doesn't even have to, there could be absolutely nothing about the person's behavior, and I'll put a full butt into them just to kind of create a barrier between them and my wife, you know? Just full box out position.

It could just be like an old woman ready to cross the street. I'm not helping her cross the street. I'm keeping her away from my wife. Erratic old woman. My romantic fail, I'm sure there's been many, but the one that comes to mind right now is, it was pre-pandemic, but it might have been 2019, when I took Christy on a Valentine's date. We went to Malibu, and I had found, I'm sure I talked about it on here and I probably made it seem like it was a success. I can't remember how I couched it.

Oh gosh. But now I feel like. You would do that? It was kind of, yeah, I would never do that, would I? I'd found those tapes where we were like, the cassette tapes where the long distance walkie-talkie where uh we would send cassette tapes back and forth and we keep adding to it and then when i played it i surprised her that i'd found them because they were lost for years yeah and i revealed the surprise by just playing the first tape for her and after a few minutes it was just like what i thought would be this sweet romantic thing was just kind of like, it was so cringy that we just couldn't, it's like we couldn't keep listening to all of it.

Who was cringier? We were both pretty cringy. Like our accents were like, it was like we were just children. I mean, we learned a lot. It was like, wow. It's just like, we are not the same people we were. But I just remember it just wasn't, it didn't, it wasn't enticing. It definitely didn't lead to a makeout session.

I see that. I can see that. But the, and we were, and then we went through the drive-through, not a drive-through. We went through the exit and thereru. Not a drive-thru. We went through the exit, and there were so many cars leaving this place. There was somebody beside us in a drive-thru, and we were beside them. And then they were having some hanky-panky in the car. Oh.

There was some hand hanky-panky happening. Handshops? I believe it was like that, yeah. Whoa. It was... How'd you know that? You're peering in. You gotta really peer in to see that. It was broad daylight,

and I was looking at their faces. Was this a low car? Was it like a Mini Cooper? No, I wasn't able to look. All I could see was like shoulders and heads. You can tell what people are doing with their hands by looking at their shoulders and heads? Given her reaction, I could definitely tell.

That's a service we also offer. Something was definitely going on that wasn't happening in my car. At Roof Jumpers, we also offer the service of being able to go through a parking lot and tell people what is happening by looking at people's heads and shoulders. There's nothing worse than being on what you hope to be like a romantic date. And Valentine's Day is built up so much. And you're in your car cringing about your accents from college. And you look over next to you and they're like in full pleasure mode.

And, you know, it's like it's just kind of dejecting. And you're thinking back on a time when you weren't even kissing because you were so conservative. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That sucks, man. I was like, I'll have what they're having. This is a great segue into number

11, Link. Oh, number 11? Yeah, right. Yeah, because I did a little pre-screening. Don't always do that, but had the time today because you were at jury duty. So now I can do great segues all right hey red link mythical crew my name is mandy i'm from seattle big fan anyways i'm calling to share a story about a romantic mishap so buckle up um okay so i was a senior in high school at the time and i was finally dating the guy that i that i had had a crush on since middle school, thank God.

And for the sake of the story, we'll just call him Peter. We're not together now. We were together for five years, and it was our first Valentine's Day together. So we went out. We saw a movie pretty early in the afternoon, and we have some time to kill before our dinner reservation. So we opted to go down by the river in town and watch the sunset before heading to the restaurant. We did watch the sunset, but we also got a little frisky, I guess. Nothing too crazy.

We were making out. Our clothes stayed on. Anyways, I guess we kind of lost track of the time, and the sun was definitely down, as in it was pitch black outside. So we were making out in the back of this car, and all of a sudden we see a huge blinding light aimed directly at us through the windshield. And in my head, I'm like, okay, we're being abducted. By an alien? making out, which clearly was not the case since we were fully clothed and all that. He was super rude and demanded to see our IDs.

And then that was when I realized I had left mine at home, which he really didn't like. And then he was saying, like, do your parents know you're here? Maybe I should give them a call, which really just pissed me off because we were clearly not doing anything else. So Peter explains that we're killing time before the reservation and he lets us go. Unfortunately, I spent the rest of the night almost crying because I was so shaken up. And unfortunately, Peter spent the rest of the night laughing at me, almost crying. Uh, so it was really rough. We had better Valentine's days after that.

I guess it was the cops job for that Valentine's day to like make sure people weren't doing the dirty next to the boat launch. Uh, but yeah, that's my story. Love you guys. What's wrong with doing the dirty next to the boat launch? Especially if you're in a car. I don't know. I don't know.

I think we should have designated places for this. This is an interesting question about what is the motivation. Is there an actual, I mean, okay, yeah, you can't go to Disneyland and be, you know, porking in the parking lot. You know what I'm saying? You can't do that. There have to be some standards. But if you've got a van and you can't see into it, I think you should be able to do whatever you want to in your van. Right. When we were young, we used to, I think you were with me a few times and we would,

around the country where we lived, there were a number of college students who would roll out somewhere into like a field and pump in their car and we would find them. We would find them. And we would find them and not- Because we were looking for them. I do remember one- Once you found them, we were looking for them after that.

Most of the time it was like, can we from a distance see something that you want to see? Usually the windows were too fogged up or whatever, but there was a couple of spots where it was like reliably people would come. Yeah. I remember one time,

I don't know if you were with us this time, I seem to remember that we, it was that field, now there's the second like 18 holes of Keith Ilser over there, but it was kind of near Ben's house. Right. In that little farm pond.

Yep. And they were behind the farm pond and it was like, in my mind it was a pinto. It was like a pinto wagon. And it was bouncing up and down vigorously. Vigorously. Vigorously.

And super fogged, and we just walked right up to it. Like, just dumb little 12-year-olds, man. Just like, we're going gonna walk right up to this. And we walked. Touch it and run away. No, we didn't touch it. Were you there for this? It's, I don't know.

I know the story and I visualized it, but I think it was because you told it to me and then I just maybe fantasized about it. In such vigorous detail. Yeah. Well, I don't know who was with us. It might've been a neighbor or two. Yeah. Well, I don't know who was with us. It might've been a neighbor or two. And then like we stand there for 15, 20 seconds, at which point the girl sees us. Now we couldn't see

anything, but like at one point, like I see this head pop up and look at an absolute whore. And all of a sudden, it's like they just go away. I'm sorry. If you went to Campbell University in approximately between 1988 and 1992, and you were engaging. And first of all, it was illegal at the time, and maybe still, illegal to have someone of the opposite sex in your room. If you were caught at Campbell University in the 80s or 90s with a girl in your room, you were a guy, you would be kicked out of school. We had a guy that was on the basketball team that got expelled because he had

a girl in his room. So if you wanted to do the dirty, you had to get into a car and go to the farm pond. And I'm sorry that I took what may have been a beautiful experience and I ruined it. And whatever I can do to make up for it, just contact us at 1-888-EAR-POD-1. Please do that. If you want to reach out to people who went to Campbell between 88 and 92 and got interrupted by a couple of 12-year-olds while having sex. But back to this story, Peter, as she called him, totally got cop-blocked.

Yeah, he got cop-blocked. Yeah, had to go back to that. All right, what are we clicking on now? Another VM? Hey, Rhett and Link. My name is Ben from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Longtime watcher, first first time voicemailer. So I'm replying to the tweet. We know romantic plan completely falling apart. and I was attempting to make spaghetti for her, like super simple. Is that a euphemism? You can't possibly mess that up.

But long story short, I ended up, my stove ended up catching on fire. And so, you know, I had to grab the fire extinguisher and I had to put it out. I had to grab the fire extinguisher and I had to put it out. And then the rest of the night, me and her were, uh, we were cleaning up the debris from the, uh, fire extinguisher.

Oh, it can be a lot. That was fun. Uh, it was a nice bonding experience. Um, and to answer your, and to answer inquiring minds,

no, we're not together anymore. All right. All right. So have a great day, guys. Love y'all. Yeah. Yeah.

Love you. Yeah. So if we're using this to gather evidence, gather data to then bring into roof jumpers, which, first of all, I don't like that name. Yeah, we got to change that name. There is a snow thing there every time, but let's change the name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because no one gets hurt.

No one gets hurt. But if we're gathering data, this would lead me to believe that a fire isn't necessarily a good thing to do on a first date. Because they didn't end up staying together. And you know what? They cleaned together. That you know what? They cleaned it together. Like that was an opportunity. Yeah, this is really a great story for a couple that needs to stay together

to the point where he had to tell us that they didn't. You know, it's like, I don't know. I don't want to, it could have gone another way. You know, it could have gone the other way. I do think that when you're on a date, the earlier in the relationship, the better and something goes horribly wrong. It's like,

you got to recognize the opportunity. There's data to be gathered and there's a story to be had. And it's, you know, you're going to face adversity. You might as well go ahead and see how your love interest responds. It can also- But don't unleash a fire extinguisher.

I mean, it just- All that stuff, man. Just put a lid on it or something. The one with the powder. Now, if you've got the CO2 one- You're okay. Which I don't even know where you get those. But the ones that you just-

If you just go to Home Depot and get a fire extinguisher, it's gonna be the one that's particulate. And boy, that stuff, you've probably heard us talk about this many times. Before you play the next one. I'm not going to. I do want to talk about, sometimes a traumatic experience can,

I want to use the term artificially accelerate a relationship. Yeah. But sometimes that's good case in point when jesse and i were dating and we haven't been dating for long you know we had like a slow build in our relationship yeah where we were friends yeah as i was waiting for her to get to college Yeah She had to not be a child anymore Yeah Okay, that's not cool, man

It's a different time And also, I was waiting for her to be in college before we dated And I did, okay? You did You know, I didn't start dating her when she was 18 I waited until she was in college at almost 19 But The relationship moved pretty quickly

and her grandmother died and I remember two sort of visceral the visceral experience was actually going

into the hospital room and I never maybe one time had met her grandmother you went in the hospital room? yes this was a date? well it wasn't a date we were dating I maybe one time had met her grandmother. You went in the hospital room? Yes. This was a date? Well, it wasn't a date.

We were dating. But why don't you just let her go in? You didn't even know this woman. Well, because I mean, it was getting pretty serious. Emotional support is the correct answer. And there you go. But it was one of those- I guess that's what you're getting at.

It's actually one of the images in my mind. I don't like hospitals. And I always get, you know, I have health anxiety and I just don't like being in the space. But I haven't seen a lot of like heavy stuff that takes place at hospitals in my life. I have. But one of the more, one of the heavier things

was going in there and basically seeing her grandmother in the final stages of life. And like unconscious too at the time. But it was like a little bit traumatic and we experienced it together. And then days later, her grandmother dies. We, you know, there's the funeral. And it was after the funeral, I was like sitting on the couch at her house where I ended up unplanned.

And this is not, you know, I tend to be pretty spontaneous about life and I'm very flexible in general. But when it comes to things like when I'm going to say I love you or when I'm going to do this, I tend to be a little bit more buttoned up and planned. And I had not planned on saying I love you,

and I ended up telling her that I loved her. Really? And it was because her grandmother died, and because we experienced that thing together. Now, in our case, it worked out great. We've been married for 20-something years. But you gotta be careful when you experience something a little bit traumatic,

because it might artificially accelerate things. It's just not about gathering data. You gotta know that there's potential for things to like, for the accelerator to be hit pretty hard. Well, when Christy and I started dating, we hadn't been dating long when I broke my pelvis and had that like the whole concussion story. Yeah.

You know? And so I remember that my mom was so, you know, we were in the mountains, we were like hours away and my mom was so concerned. And she was like talking to Christy on the phone, like they were commiserating. And then like Christy, once I came back, I stayed at the apartment.

I didn't go home with my mama. It's like Christy was coming by, checking on me and like giving my mom updates. You know, just kind of like instead of my mom trying to figure everything out just by what I was telling her when she would come visit, it kind of gave

her another point. Like Christy comforted my mom and of course me in that time when I broke my ass. And that was definitely formative. You know, the fact that, like, you got somebody caring for you, like, actively, physically. Because she was in that. It wasn't Christy.

Because we haven't showed this yet, and I think we may at some point on the society but one of the tapes that we found was me impromptuing a song about you having busted your ass

having broken your pelvis I don't think Christy was there for that but she was there for some of the other footage she's in some of that footage she might have been there for some of that

but around that same time definitely she was in that yeah she was in that that footage that I unearthed. The other thing is, we were pretty serious, but then I went away for the summer. Yeah, a junior year. No, was it sophomore year? Yeah, sophomore year, summer after sophomore year, we had been dating that whole year. So that summer we were apart and I had to fly back

because my mom's dad, that papa passed away in 1998. And Christy, like we were spending the summer apart and like it was difficult for us. But we were ready for me to be away for 10 weeks and for us just to communicate that way. It's when it's when we were doing the the walkie talkie that I was talking about earlier. But I came home to see my grandfather in his last day. Like I made it home before he passed away and then he passed away. And like she she passed away and like

she she showed up and like she spent the day with me and then the next day she went to to the funeral with me and like you were out of town like all of my friends were gone and it um that was a very formative time yeah for us of course i still didn't say, I love you because I had this idea that I don't say I love you until I'm getting engaged. Of course. Of course, like everybody. It still worked out,

but yeah, that was a big deal for us. And you know, honestly, going to weddings with somebody that you're dating, I think it's just- I think that's more of a danger. You have to calculate a lot of things. You have this cautionary tale

of when tragedy hits, I actually think that's just... I think that's more of a danger. You have to calculate a lot of things. When tragedy hits, I actually think that's pretty good. But when going to a wedding, I think that's where we need to have more of the cautionary tale because you can get this love bug, right? Yeah. You got bridesmaids and groomsmen getting all enamored. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it.

Hammered and enamored. I'm just saying. That's a recipe. There's an awareness. For disaster. There just needs to be an awareness. If you're the kind of person that you're like, actually, I'm kind of trying, you know, like I'm warm to the idea of getting married. And I'm trying to warm this person up to the idea of getting married.

I don't think that it's manipulative to invite them to a friend's wedding or to go to a friend's wedding with them but you it but it could it could work in your favor if that's what you're after I just think you have to and then if you're like actually I am committed to not fully committing to this relationship and I don't want it to be I don't want to get married well don't go to a make other plans that week. You know what I mean? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Hmm. Shop Best Buy's Ultimate Smartphone Sale today. Get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest

Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. Let's read a tweet. Oh, read it. Because that's also a thing that we can do. Read it and weep. This is from Invader Diz. Dizzy Wizard 101.

Dizzy Wizard. I think this is supposed to be... Is it Dizzy Wizard? I think it's supposed to be... Easy-a-dizzy-weezer. I think it's supposed to be my wife and I, not why wife and I, because this is a whole different question. All right. My wife and I went miniature golfing

with a group of friends where I planned... So hot. Where I planned to propose to her. One of the holes had a beautiful waterfall feature. Now let's just, I mean, okay. Lots of holes. Flowing water. Sexy. Instead of holes. So. Flowing water. Sexy.

Instead of finding a waterfall in nature, the waterfall at the putt-putt place was going to do the trick. Oh, yeah. So you kind of set yourself up for what happened next, which is. And there were friends there. Yeah, yeah. At the moment I hit my knee, a friend missed a putt and threw his club against the fence, yelling and cursing.

But it does say my wife and I, so apparently. Now you know. Yeah, that's not a romantic scenario. Now this whole idea of popping the question and making plans. This, to me, it happened at the right time. It happened at the appointed time. It was a bad plan.

But it was a bad place. It was a bad plan. Sorry. Sorry, Dizzy Wizard. You're a little bit dizzy here. If you had to do your proposal over again, would you have rigged it to where there was somebody there taking photos of it? Well,

that's a great question considering that that is such a part of the culture now, but it was not a part of the culture in 99 or 2000. I'm against this.

You can take a photo afterward, like a selfie, but like, I don't know. I just think, I think it's weird. That's a good question because I think what I would do, now we've kind of told our proposal stories before. Right.

There was nobody present in mind. It was just the two of us going from place to place to place and then ending up at the place that we had actually first talked and then asking the question. I think it was a great plan. I think it worked very well. Yeah, if there was a dude in the bushes, though. But if I were to be planning a proposal now

in the year 2023, which I'm not, I think it might involve some sort of... Not public. Not public aspect. I would never. Long lens paparazzi photo type thing. I mean, there's a type of personality that does a proposal at a baseball game.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. On the Jumbotron? Like if there's a spectrum of people and at one end of the spectrum is someone who would ask someone to marry them on a Jumbotron, whatever at one end of the spectrum is someone who would ask someone to marry them on a jumbotron. Whatever the opposite end of that spectrum is, that's where I sit. I'm, no, no, no. I do not want to be on the jumbotron.

I don't even want to be on the jumbotron if I'm just eating popcorn. But I don't want to be on the jumbotron. Yeah, I hate being on the jumbotron. That's why I don't like sports. But I think it's different. Never a flattering angle. To document. First of all,

I mean, your proposal story is well known in that it was Completely spontaneous. Ill advised. Sans ring. No ring.

You know what? Because I was planning to get the ring and then popped the question and it was going to be a complete surprise to everyone except her parents.

I never actually made plans. Like, I can't tell you, like, I'm glad I didn't. I mean, if I had, that probably would have, I would have held off, you know, be like, oh, I got this thing all planned out. I didn't even get to that point. I was like, I'll get the ring in a week or two, and at the same time, I'll also come up with a plan. I don't know what my plan would have been. Like, if I think about it now, put myself in that situation,

which I've never done. I don't know what my plan would be. You never had a plan. No, that's what I just told you, man. There never was any forethought. It was, I'll get the ring and then figure it out. Or I'll figure it out while I'm getting the ring. But then I was like, you know what?

Let's just go for it. I can't. I mean, it was an overflow of emotion. It wasn't rational. What would I have done? I don't know. I don't know what could my... It would have been awesome.

What did we like to do back then? I don't... I think we might... I don't know. Maybe we would have gone to the beach. Maybe we would have watched the sun come up. You know? I have no clue.

I think it would have been one of those things. I mean, you did some creative things with like the Post-it notes, et cetera, and all that stuff. Oh yeah, you know, I have my moments. I have my moments. It's interesting that in that scenario of, you know, the groundwork that you had laid,

the proposal didn't have the same sort of structure to it. Yeah. You weren't even planning on it. Because it happened very quickly. I decided that I was going to propose, and then, like, it was probably three days later that I actually did. It worked out. And, you know.

Yes, it did, Rhett. Thank you. And also, if somebody were to say, like, I'm not going to marry you because of the way that you asked me to marry you, you know, that's not somebody you want to be with. Right. But I still, this is actually a good segue to this tweet right here. Oh. From PantsDamnTastnik. I like that.

I got stuck in traffic en route to the Biltmore Estate. All right. Largest private residence in the United States. I love it. Where I was going to,

by the way, I think I've said this before, I'll say it again, no one has ever contacted us. I am interested in- Jumping off the roof of the Biltmore estate into a snow dune. And getting access to the parts of the Biltmore estate

that not everybody gets access to, okay? I'm also interested in that. I love the Biltmore estate. I've been there several times. I love it too. I love to find, and I know that there's a whole lot of that estate y'all are keeping from the public. Yeah, we want, yep, we wanna get in there.

That's the part that I wanna see. I don't wanna, I've been in there enough times in a big old line, I wanna go to the secret parts, okay? I'll make it worth your time. His foot rubs are amazing. So Biltmore Estate people, hey, we're- I like to retract that statement. We're North Carolina native sons, man.

I mean, I was born in Georgia, but I grew up in North Carolina. You were born there. He was born in Boone Trail. You know what I'm saying? Come on. I was born in Durham. Oh, Wikipedia.

My mom worked in Boone Trail. Wikipedia says you were born in Boone Trail. I was not born in Boone Trail. Wikipedia says you were born in Boone Trail. I was not born in Boone Trail. I think you were born at the Boone Trail Hospital. No, I wasn't. My mom worked at the Boone Trail Hospital, but then I was born in Durham. Wow.

Well, hold on, this is a problem, Link. But yeah, I guess I was, I grew up, my first home was in Boontrail. Well, right now it says that you were born in Lillington, North Carolina. It used to say Boontrail. You need to get the wiki updated. Well, I mean, the hospital was in Durham,

but like I was raised, my first home was outside of Lillington. In Boontrail? In Boontrail. Okay, this guy was raised in Boone Trail. I would actually call it Raven Rock. So I think it's more Lillington. Okay.

I hope that was worth it. Let's hear another voicemail. I haven't finished. I got stuck on Biltmore Estate because I really want to go to the back parts. Yep. Let's just go to another one. No. Pants-Dam-Tastic was stuck en route to the Biltmore Estate,

where I was going to propose in the gardens. Oh, they're beautiful. So we ended up pulling over, and I proposed in the parking lot. Behind Burial Brewing in Asheville. Beside a sign that indicated you cannot let your dog poop here. Still, she married me. Get her done! That's where that phrase comes from. You can relate to this. But I'm not going to.

I don't want to associate myself with this guy. I'm skipping this one, man. There it is. You read it all the way. What was the last thing that filled you with wonder that took you away from your desk or your car in traffic? Well, for us, and I'm going to guess for some of you, that thing is... Anime! Hi, I'm Nick Friedman.

I'm Lee Alec Murray. And I'm Leah President. And welcome to Crunchyroll Presents The Anime Effect. It's a weekly news show. With best celebrity guests and hot takes galore. So join us every Friday wherever you get your podcasts and watch full video episodes on Crunchyroll or on the Crunchyroll YouTube channel. Mm-hmm. Hey, Rhett and Link, I just saw your tweet about romantic mishaps, and I immediately thought of this one time I was in college dating this guy,

thought he was the love of my life. He was finally getting ready to meet my parents. They came from Pennsylvania to the state I was going to college in, basically just to meet him. And he played football at the neighboring school that I was at. And I'm really excited. I did my hair. I did my makeup.

I got ready at this point. I was 18 years old, head over heels for this guy. And I'm scrolling on Twitter, listening to music, just waiting for his football game to get over on Saturday because he was coming over that night and we were doing brunch with my parents. Brunch. As I'm scrolling on Twitter, there's a viral tweet going around of a football player jumping up into the stands, getting his girlfriend a really cute handshake

and basically wishing him luck for that game. I thought it was really, really cute. I even think I savored the video. The girlfriend had tweeted it. Yeah, lo and behold, it was him. It was the guy I was dating at the time, his girlfriend. And I was really, really upset. He was an hour away at the next town over. And so I still made him come. I made him waste all of his gas. And as soon as he got there, I basically told him to turn around. And I was really upset about it for a really long time. But yeah,

I immediately thought of that romantic mishap just being so excited in that happening. So that's it. That's me. That's my life. Have a good one. That's your life? That's what your life is like? Well, it's a piece of her life. You know what? I just want to celebrate that

you kept your power. You said, you know what? I just want to celebrate that you kept your power. You said, you know what? You're going to come up here. Yeah, come on. Come on to the brunch. Get out of the car. Schmack. I hope there was like a slap involved.

It didn't sound like there was. There was like a situational slap. You burned your gas. Ha! Now turn around, put your tail between your legs, and give your girlfriend that secret handshake that everybody's tweeting about. Well, that would have been the perfect thing, to do the handshake. Like, to memorize in the hour...

Oh, yeah! In the hour that it took him to get there, to memorize the handshake, so that as he shows up, you just go right into it, and he's like, -"Oh, shit." -" There's something sad about it, though. It's like, okay, the whole time he's coming up, you're watching the video. Well, this has become a phenomenon, not handshake cheaters, which is a different thing.

Football players going into the stands? Not that specifically, but basically being found out via viral video. So you may, I mean, a number of these, it happens all the time, it's usually sporting events. but basically being found out via viral video. So you may, I mean, a number of these, it happens all the time, it's usually at sporting events. Cheaters with public displays of affection. Yeah, on the Jumbotron. So there was one, I don't know if it was

a World Cup thing recently, and the guy, listen, first of all, I'm glad the guy got caught. I'm glad that the cheater was caught, but he totally outed himself because he's sitting there like doing something with his girl or his side girl. And he sees himself on the Jumbotron and like immediately like gets nervous and like plays it off and tries to look. And everybody knows exactly what he was doing. If he had just not played it off, he would've never gone viral. It would've just been something that happens

at a sporting event, and just the people there, you know what I'm saying? He made himself go viral, and so then he gets caught. Again, I'm glad he got caught. Of course, there was probably somebody in the stands who knew him. Maybe. And would've reported that. You don't know. But this has become a phenomenon in which,

through some sort of viral situation, that's how you get caught. Well, shoot. This one's very specific. Well, now I love jumbotrons. I think this is their being used for good. You think that before it was bad? That's what I said earlier in this conversation, yeah. I didn't like them.

You think there's something morally wrong with them? No. Making people's faces that big? Yeah, I said there's never a good angle. Yeah, nobody's face should be that big. I'm a part of this podcast. You should listen to me occasionally. Well, I'm trying to get you to make

the moral argument for it. Oh no, I didn't have a moral argument. What do you want me to click on now? You could just click on it. You should click on number nine. Hi, Rhett and Link. My name is Hannah, and I am responding to your tweet about a bad relationship meetup situation, romantic plan thing. So it was my junior year of high school, and I was going to prom,

and my boyfriend at the time had told me that he wanted to surprise me with the place we were going to for prom dinner. And I was a little nervous because he specifically told me that he wanted to take his ex to this same place, which probably should have been my first red flag, and that she really did not want to go. But he followed that story up with, oh, babe, like, this place means so much to me. It's my favorite place.

Like, it's so romantic. I just, I want it to be a surprise. You're going to be blown away. You're going to love it. And so I was like, oh, my gosh, this guy is so sweet. He's, like, just really thinking this through. And so I didn't ask. I, you know, just let him plan it.

He hyped this up for months, months this man hyped this up. And so prom night rolls around, and I'm putting on the fanciest dress I've ever freaking worn and all my jewelry and my makeup done and everything. And he picks me up, and he's like, oh, you're so gorgeous. We take all these pictures, and I'm so excited. We're driving to this restaurant, and he's like, I just can't wait for you to get here. It's so romantic. And he pulls into the parking lot of Longhorn Steakhouse.

And not just does he pull into the parking lot of Longhorn Steakhouse, but the man couldn't have even bothered to make a reservation for Longhorn Steakhouse. So then we sat in the lobby of that restaurant and we're just stared at by all these families. He's in a full tux. I mean, there's a full like ball gown and this man is in like a, like a t-shirt with paint all over it and ripped jeans.

And so, yeah, don't always trust your date to plan your prom dinner, I guess. The good old Longhorn letdown. I'm assuming that the relationship didn't continue. Did she say that? No, it ended at that moment.

What do you think was going on here? Like, really? It's just, you know. Forensically. Taste and standards and just the inability to plan or building it up all this time, but just not thinking, just the guy, a dummy. I think he's just probably. He's just stupid.

Just a dummy. You know, it's just like to build it up yet not make reservations. It's just kind of like short-sighted. I remember a time in which. To choose Longhorn, you know, it's just a matter of taste. I remember when, as we've talked about, Chili's, Outback, these are some fantastical places. Exactly.

Outback, which I think is a little fancier than Longhorn. I don't know what Longhorn... I took Jesse to Outback on our first official date, and I thought, not that it was... I don't know how long... I took Jessie out back on our first official date, and I thought, not that it was... I don't know if I used the term fancy, but I thought that it was much more expensive... It was pricey enough. ...than anything that I had bought for her.

Because it was. Remember that Valentine's Day... But I didn't tell her to dress up. ...where we, like... Where there was that place in Durham that had a weird name that was like really fancy. Parazad. Parazad.

And you went there for Valentine's Day and you look over and here me and Christy are walking into Parazad. We both made reservations. The tables were right next to each other. Well, neither one of us knew that we were going to the same place for our Valentine's dates, and we had both planned it.

The same person had told us we should do it. And that was a good place. I think that was a good Valentine's Day place. But we didn't join up tables, or did we? We didn't. No, no, no. We talked a little bit, but it wasn't about us. No, but it made it a little weird.

It was like, well, whose idea was this? Hey man, great minds think alike. And we both had this idea that Parasite was a really nice place for some reason. And it was, I mean, I don't know. I wonder if that place is still open. Is it? Like, I want to look at it and see

how I would interact with this place at this point. And just spoiler alert, we are so spoiled. Like, oh, you know, we like to eat at, like, nice places. Okay. Yeah, it's still around. What's the reviews? Well, first of all, on Google, it's 4.5 with 810 reviews. Good, so we're not spoiled.

Three dollar signs, and you can only get four. The description is upscale locavore. Locavore. Is that a word that I don't understand? I think it's people who like to eat locally. Upscale locavore Mediterranean fare prepared in an open kitchen and served in an elegant dining room. Yeah, see, listen, even back then, man.

We had to drive all the way to Durham to go to a place like that back in the day though. Let's look what they have on the menu and how much it costs. Okay. Because I just want to make the point that- We're at time, but this seems like something to really dig into.

Well, no, I'm saying that at that time, I mean, I had a very tight budget. My grocery budget for the month was either 200 or $250 for all groceries. Yeah, we were both married. We were like newlyweds-ish. Yeah, $200. Definitely, we tried to do $200.

Well, I think you guys need to work on your website. Oh, did you just fail? Currently, their server is down. Parasite Durham.com. Oh. It's a good restaurant, though. Sorry to get your hopes up. But that was a fancy place,

but it was the limit of fancy for us. And so I think we just both sort of naturally convened there. So what have we learned today? Talk about learning stuff. I don't know. I kind of feel like you're the one who should learn something. I learned that you don't like the angles of faces

on Jumbo Trons because I listen to every word that you say, but I learned that you don't think that I listen to you and offend you. Oh, there you go. All right. What did you learn today? Let us know using hashtag Ear Biscuits or call us, 1-880- EarPodOne. You got a rec for us? I do.

Parazod. Durham, North Carolina. My rec is a book. Where I was born. And the book is called Salito. Is this fact or fiction? It is a memoir of Javier Zamora, who traveled from El Salvador to the United States to be united with his parents.

And it's just a really, I mean, first of all, I think it either may have won the Pulitzer Prize or was nominated. It's a great book, like really, really well written and captivating story. So he traveled, he was a kid at the time? Yes, yes. And just basically like the process,

like I think it gives, even though this was written 20 years ago, the situation hasn't changed that much, but just learning about the story of people coming across the southern border and like what their lives are like, why they're doing that what it's like for them what that experience can be like i knew bits and pieces about how some of this

you know works but to hear it a personal account told in a very compelling way was uh it was very eye-opening for me sol Solito, a memoir by Javier Zamora. Are you recommending the Audible version as well? I did not listen to it. I actually read it, which is unusual for me at this point in my life. I actually read the book. I'm sure that the Audible version is great, but I recommend also just actually reading it. Yeah, especially if you have jury duty.

A lot of people showing up with actual physical books. What were you doing to kill the time? I had my AirPods, and I made some doctor's appointments for myself. Okay. And I listened to some music. Some high-fidelity music? Yeah. I did.

I did. I listened to some music, yeah. And I listened to some TikToks. We'll see you next week. Hi, this is Aubrey. I am driving home through Mebane, North Carolina, you know, all the way through

the Research Triangle, all that stuff, stuck in some bumper-to-bumper traffic, and there is an old white Pontiac in front of me, and the license plate is a vanity license plate, and it says Merle Hag, M-E--R-L space H-A-G. And who knows? Maybe it's Merle Haggard. Anyways, love y'all. Thanks so much. Bye.