Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Rhett Committed a Crime | Ear Biscuits Ep. 456

Episode Date: January 27, 2025

These may be some of the wackiest situations yet. In this episode, Rhett & Link give some ideas on how to come out to your family, debate a moral dilemma that may or may not be considered a crime, and what to do if you’re in love with your, *checks notes* therapist. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is mythical. Hey Spotify, this is Javi. My biggest passion is music. And it's not just sounds and instruments. It's more than that to me. It's a world full of harmonies with chillers. From streaming to shopping, it's on Prime. This winter, take a trip to Tampa on Porter Airlines. Enjoy the warm Tampa Bay temperatures and warm Porter hospitality on your way there. All Porter Fairs include beer, wine and snacks and free fast-streaming Wi-Fi on planes with no middle seats. And your Tampa Bay vacation includes good times, relaxation and great Gulf Coast weather. Visit flyporter.com and actually enjoy economy.

Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Link. And I'm Rhett. This week at the roundtable of dim lighting, we are getting into your questions that you have for us. Is there something specific that you want to tease that you know we're going to tackle today? You looked at this a little more closely. People, I know that there is someone who is in a difficult situation between two friends who are not getting along. I'm definitely interested in tackling that

for us. There was one about naming something or renaming something. I'll remember when we get to it. Ooh, isn't that a good tease. I don't know if that's one of these, but is that one of those though? That's not one of them. Oh, there's someone who maybe committed a crime. Ooh, alright. That I feel like I can relate to. I am chilled to the bone. I don't know what it is. Well, it's not your jacket.

And I've got a jacket on that should be a rug. You might be getting sick again. Don't you think it should be a rug? And before you say yes, I will say that Christy got me this for Christmas. And I really like it. I think it's a pretty nice jacket. What does it feel like on the inside? Like the backside of a rug. It does kind of feel like a rug. It's like it's a repurposed rug or something. I'm not gonna say who made it,

because then it would seem like we're getting paid. We're not. Well, if people want to know, they can do that thing where they... Mm-hmm. ...go to Reddit and figure it out. This is a super chill start. Is there anything you want to share before we get into a voicemail? Uh, well, I do want to say that we, uh... We spent the weekend together. Yes, we did.

A friend was celebrating their birthday, and we went to... Big birthday milestone requires a destination party. We went to Solvang. Yes. Which is a town that I've always wanted to go to because you hear about it. If you're in LA, everyone talks about it. It's like a Dutch-themed town that's a couple hours away. It was like, it was founded by the, there was like a Spanish church. What are those churches called?

A mission? A mission. Did you see a pamphlet? And then in 1911, How did you know this? In 1911, I think a lot of Danish people started moving in. I read the Wikipedia. I got there a little early, and I was at a coffee shop, and I was like, you know what, I'm gonna read a little bit. And I remember the year, 1911,

and that's about it. Hmm. I recommend reading the Wikipedia for yourself if you're interested in this. Well, I recommend going. Yeah, I was surprised at the number of people that were walking around this small town, which they had taken existing structures, and then because there was a large Danish population there,

they changed the facades to look more Danish. So like, but there's a lot of people who come in from Danish. What's the name of the country? From Daenland? Daenland. The Netherlands? Yeah. Or the Dutch? No.

The Dutch are... That's called the Dutch. Oh, Danish. Denmark. Denmark. Oh, it's not Dutch. It's Danish. It's Danish.

It's Denmark. Oh, I thought it was Dutch this whole time. Hold on. Link read the Wikipedia. I'm thirsty. So he's probably right. I didn't read... I thought it was Dutch this whole time. Hold on. Link read the Wikipedia. I'm thirsty. So he's probably right. I thought it was... Where's that water? It's right here.

When I was told by someone who told me about it, they said Dutch. Oh, it is Danish. It's Danish, yeah. Well, somebody lied to me. It wasn't me, brother, because I didn't talk to you about it. And then I spent the whole time there thinking that it was Dutch, but because I'm American, the difference between Dutch and Danish, I'll just be honest with you, did not register.

The whole, everybody went walking around this town, which has all these quaint shops, and I'm like, God please let there be a record shop here, and there was. And I went to the record shop and I stayed there the whole time you guys were shopping. Well, I appreciate it. And it was awesome. I appreciate that you know what you like, but I will say, when you go into the record shop and that's all you do exclusively, you don't really experience the Danish of all.

I didn't like the sh... I don't like going to shops. It's very draining for me. But it depends on the shop. I went into that clock shop, and I had... Yeah, tell me about the clock shop. ...a spiritual experience, and I'm texting the whole thread. I didn't direct this at you directly, but I was hoping that you would be like, well, maybe he'll think there's things other than records. But the moment I came into that shop and you started telling me about the clocks and showed me the video, people started seeing us together and asking for pictures,

and it was a whole thing. It was like, Rhett and Lincoln solving. Well, that wasn't because we were in the spice shop. The spice shop turned out to be a hot spot. And I was on my way to leave, by the way. Well, I'm just telling you. So you haven't told me about the clocks because we got interrupted. So tell me about this clock. Well, there were clocks, but that was really just the beginning of it. Because in clocks,

when I say clocks, I'm talking about like grandfather clocks and cuckoo clocks and 100 year old and 200 year old clocks. And that's just the beginning, because then there were all these music boxes. And then there was like the phonographs, you know, like the original record players with the big horn, which I thought maybe a record man might be interested in that. But... A little too primitive for me. The music boxes, which are pre-record, are essentially these boxes that have the metal disc that has all the little holes on it that ones. These things are all like $10,000.

So we're starting. Really? Yeah. Oh, shit. But then they had, there's another one that's like a big crank and it's a long cylinder that does something as well as another type of music box. I'm not gonna get one of these, but I- All these things were stuffed in a little shop? It wasn't a little shop. It was a shop that had room for clocks and all these other gadgets.

So it was as big as what, like a hardware store? Like three... Are you talking about an Ace? Are you talking about like a mom and pop? Like a mama... Well, Ace? I'm gonna say a mom and pop. A little bit smaller than that. Okay. All right. Damn. I gotta say... Are people buying these?

Well, there was a retirement sale. And I don't know if that's real or fake. You know how that goes. Sometimes those retirement sales can last for years. Because there was another place around the corner that said that it was going out of business. You think that's a ploy that they use in sulfang? Well, it's a ploy that they use in lots of stores. But let me just say this. But the cuckoo clock that you showed me, you gotta tell them about that. Uh, well, I have a pic. I think Jesse took a picture of that. I didn't take a video of that. I will show you the video that I did take though.

So the thing I was telling Jessie is I was like, now I am so into this kind of thing, but I don't have a, like maybe one day I'll have like a space or a home that has like a room that you could just put stuff like this in, but so far I don't have anything like that. Well one might argue I don't have anything like that. Well, one might argue that any room could use a clock. A clock is different.

I'm talking, I'm, Jesse's into clocks. I like clocks, but I'm into the... She's also into hands. The music boxes. Okay, and those, how large do those run? Well, the smallest one was, you know, two feet wide, 18 inches tall. The disc itself is like this. Oh, sure.

And there's companies that still make these discs. That's as big as a pillow if you're listening. And the company still makes these discs, and you can get any song you want put on a disc. So there's like a company that's still like, there's enough people out there who collect these things. And you can put any song on it, but it's being played by the tin... Yeah, but that's what makes it... Tongs.

The physicality of it is what makes it unique. You know, I have that thing in my office at the creative house, which is that animation machine that you turn and you look at it, and it's like a mirror. It's very big. I love gadgets. That's smaller than anything in this shop. It's too big for your desk.

Well, the point I'm making is that I don't have a space for things. It's not too big. I don't have anything else on my desk. I have a computer, and I have that. I think it would look good on a coffee table, but you can't put one in the middle of your... But you're illustrating the point, which is you have to have a spot for these things.

You have to have a spot. And not many people have houses that are large enough where they could just be like, we're gonna put this thing here. And they kept getting bigger and bigger, and then they had this thing called a... Violano? I think it's a violin and a piano together

and I don't know exactly how you say it. I don't know. Violano. And there were these brothers who made these things 100 years ago and older. And essentially, it's a piano and a violin together that you would put a coin in and it would play a machine and it was the music that would be at like a...

a dance hall. Back before... When you say a piano and a violin, are you talking about a completely new instrument? Or they were... Oh, it looks like a... Watch this. It just looks like a dining room cabinet with a piano inside. And watch this. Get ready. Now, 100 years ago, this would be super impressive.

I see that there's a violin laying down. It's mechanically playing this. The piano sounds a lot better than the violin, I'm gonna say that. But that gives it that authentic, the fact that it's a little bit out of tune. But I can't quite make out... And it rung a bell too. No, that was somebody coming in. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Alright. So, now... So did you think about buying that? Well, it cost $60,000, so no, I did not think about buying it. How would you know how much it cost if you weren't thinking about buying it? Well, because it has a giant price tag on it. $60,000, so no, I did not think about buying it. How would you know how much it cost if you weren't thinking about buying it? Well, because it has a giant price tag on it. Now, let me just tell you this. $60,000.

But I don't often just see something and think to myself, I would love to have that. Mm-hmm. But there's something about these machines, like a machine like that, that I'm just, I am the target audience for this kind of thing. It resonates with you. Oh yes, like I told Jessie I was like. You know, you've shown some restraint because.

All this stuff is too expensive. We have a skull in our office, and that, just because you're fascinated with skulls, but it's not a real skull, so you use some restraint. I wouldn't say you're fascinated with skulls, but it's not a real skull, so you use some restraint. I wouldn't say I'm fascinated with skulls. I like fossils. But you once were fascinated with fossils, and a skull is a fossil. And I have a giant...

It's a saber-toothed tiger skull. I have a giant fossil in my office in the creative house. That big thing with the little things on it? I didn't know that was a fossil. Yeah, that big rock that's got the... I wish I... You turn it around, you can see the name of the things on it? I didn't know that was a fossil. Yeah, that big rock that's got the, I wish I, as you turn it around, you can see the name of the things on it and says like what it's from or whatever,

some kind of trilobite or something. Trilobite. But no. But you're proving my point. Well, the point that I'm making is that if I had unlimited resources and unlimited space, I would have a place in my house where you would go in and there would be just like a collection of weird machines

that you could interact with. You're talking about a museum. Well, a museum-like space, but not just, it wouldn't just be curiosities, like a cabinet of curiosities. I'm talking specifically to the thing where it's like, oh, would you like to see this thing? Would you like to see how this thing works?

It has its own room? No, there's a room with multiple things in it. It's not gonna happen, I'm just telling you that in my grand vision. So Rhett's playroom. Yeah. You want me to play with this? You want me to play with this? You wanna share that with someone? But don't, like, wouldn't, like, when you see that happening, don't you think to yourself, I would like to be in the presence of that.

No. Not at all. But you need to show them the cuckoo clock, because I feel totally differently about that. Well, we're looking at that right now. I don't have a picture of it. I think that you should, has it come back into your mind? Because you were debating buying it, and you thought it was way too expensive. I didn't see this in person. He showed me a picture. Jesse showed you a picture. So Jesse can send that picture.

If you're only listening, we'll describe it. It's an intricately designed cuckoo clock that hangs on a wall. And it's like dark. It's painted pretty dark. It's not painted. It's a very dark wood cuckoo clock. Would you like me to explain it? It's got a hunting motif on it. It's from 1860 or 1870. And there's dead shit on it.

It's probably four feet tall, two and a half feet wide. The top of it is all completely carved out of wood. The top of it has a deer head coming out with antlers. With antlers. And then there's the clock, and then there's all this other wild game that is hanging on it, like, as if it was just hunted. So like, a pheasant and some ducks and a rabbit. Like, you know, like, you see, like, those old pictures of, like, the wild game, like, hanging, like it's been caught, it's already been killed.

And each of these things hangs independently, and they waggle. No, that's not true. They don't. They're pendulums. They're not. They keep the tie. That's not true. That's't. They're pendulums that keep the tie. That's what I thought. I thought it was amazing. So you're saying that's not part of the... There's one thing at the bottom that goes back and forth that may be an animal of some kind.

So they don't move, huh? But there is, on the hour, the cuckoo bird comes out of a little hole and cuckoo, cuckoo, the number of a little hole and cuckoo, cuckoo, the number of the hour. That is dope. You have to own it. And so we're just gonna see if the guy gets desperate, gets in his retirement, gets very desperate

and lowers the price significantly. What's the price right now? I mean, I don't think I even want to talk about it. You don't wanna say how much it costs? It costs, I would say it costs about as much as a nice guitar. Okay, alright, there you go. Yeah, and no one would fault you for buying a nice guitar.

Yeah, well no, someone would. It's just the internet, what are you crazy? But that's not, is that why you're saying someone will fault you for anything? You're keeping it to yourself? Oh yeah, I just don't like to discuss Is that why you're saying you're keeping it to yourself? Yeah, I just don't like to discuss the monetary value of the things that I keep that to myself.

Yeah, I think that's you're being a good example to me. But yeah, I think ultimately what I'm saying is that I really, I think it's cool that you have a hobby that you, and there's a place for you to experience that hobby, then you go there. But if it's to the exclusion of what makes that town that town, it's kinda like you didn't experience the town.

You experienced the record shop at the town. And it was a great record shop. Was there anything particularly Danish about it? No. Right. Right. Right. Was there a Danish section? Like what made it special? It could have been anywhere. It could have been in Detroit.

Right? I don't... I don't like your line of questioning. I'm not saying you shouldn't have gone. I'm just saying when I invited you to the clock shop... I had one of the time I met many mythical beasts in the shop. It was amazing. I would get the guy... the thing that I've started doing is... I texted you and sent my location thinking that you... I was giving you the

option to come to the clock shop. And I think you would... The moment I showed up... It would have made a core memory. You showed up at the spice shop. I had already left the clock shop. I wasn't a huge fan of the spice shop, but I was just kinda following the ladies. I was doing what they were doing. Mike had to take me back to the EV charging thing. And he was ready to go too, so... And he said if I was there a few seconds later, he would have left me.

That's how much he was done being there. I'm not much of a shopper. He hated it, and I found things that I liked that were different. We all have different levels. You found a thing! And I looked at every single record in that shop. I'm just saying, as your friend, I wanted you to experience... I had so much fun. I wanted you to experience... I had so much fun.

I wanted you to experience the mechanisms. I got the Weezer, 30th anniversary of the Blue album. When and where else you could have gotten that? I see it pretty much everywhere I go, I see it. But I remember that I got it in Solvang. It's called Off the Record, For the Record. It's the only record shop in Solvang. It's a little bit hidden, but I highly recommend it. You know it's a good record shop when they have a section called expensive, and then they have records

that are like $100. $100. What are you... I'm freezing. I'm just trying to warm up. Calling all sellers, Salesforce is hiring account executives to join us on the cutting edge of technology. Here, innovation isn't a buzzword, it's a way of life. You'll be solving customer challenges faster with agents, winning with purpose, winning with

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day schedule so that you're prepared no matter what. Pre-order the Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra now at Samsung.com. [♪ back up? No. Hey, Rhett and Link. This is Jason from Seattle. So, my family doesn't all know that I'm gay, and I was wondering if you guys would have any ideas on how I could come out in a very fun way, kind of akin to, you know, how gender reveal parties, some kind of like spectacular display to come out to my family. For some context, my dad has very traditional views of masculinity, but anyways, I think you guys would have some

potentially good ideas. So, love you guys. Been watching you since middle school and now I'm getting my PhD in chemistry. So, yeah, love you. Bye. Wow. For a second there, it felt like we were having an actual conversation. When he started talking about the chemistry thing. Hmm. You wanted me to talk back. Yeah, I know. I wanted him to talk back. I wanted it...

I'm gonna give him my personal number so we can continue just conversing. But it's very gay of you to want to do something fun as you're coming out to your family. I think that's cool. I think that fits right in line with you coming out. Hmm. You know, do it with some pizzazz.

Well, so it is, I do think that... The relevance, I guess the reason you haven't come out yet is partially because of the... Expected reaction from your dad or from other family members. Okay. Or maybe he's just waiting for the right pizzazzy idea. Because I think there are two ways to do it. I'm gonna give the way I don't recommend first because it sounds like you want something a little bit more

extravagant. All right. Mm-hmm. But you're gonna give options. But maybe this would apply to somebody else out there. I think one way to do it is you really just start doing the most gay stuff that you can. Yeah. When you're with your family. Here we go. Suggest, when you're gonna watch a movie, what's the gayest movie you can think of?

Right. And so they come to their own conclusion, like eventually, I was trying to think of a Marvel movie, and I was like, what's the gayest Marvel movie? Go ahead. Why would we have to limit ourselves to Marvel? I just thought it was a fun challenge. It would be a big challenge.

Well, put a pin in it. And then it leaves somebody like your dad to come to the conclusion that you're gay. Like, you don't even come out of the closet. He knocks on the closet. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. He shows up and he's like, are you sure you aren't gay?

You're like, no, no, I think I am. And then it's basically, then he's like, well, I guess, I guess I discovered something. It's like when a cop pulls you over and you want to get out of a ticket, there's a way to psychologically manipulate the cop to give him the opportunity to not give you a ticket and to seem like it was his decision. It's very difficult to do, and I've never done it successfully, but some people can. I don't even want you to explain it,

because I don't think I could do it. But that's one way. But again, that's not as fun, and it also is a little bit of a long play. Maybe you're already doing really gay stuff. I don't know. Right. Most of the time when you're gay, you can't help but be gay. That's the thing. And if you hide it, that's sad, too. So again, I don't think I'm the authority on this.

But I think that Jason is probably. Mm-hmm. So he can figure out the gay stuff to do. It does stress me out to think about it, like if you gotta make such a big announcement to your family, you know, it's like, it makes me anxious, and I'm just thinking about what it might feel like. Well, here's the bigger idea.

So that's a little bit of empathy coming your way. The bigger idea is to do the literal coming out of the closet. Yes. That's it. What's the biggest closet? Maybe play a game of hide and seek? And again, you're letting them come to the conclusion when it happens. Right. You're physically stepping out of a closet, but they're... You're leaving it to them to make the... And there are levels to this, too, because if you put a closet on a flatbed truck... Mm-hmm.

...and you back that into your parents' driveway, if you have everyone gather... ...for a party... Which side of the truck are they on? You're saying the truck's backing up into the driveway. They're all in the front yard. This is like one of those reveals on like a makeover show. Okay, everybody come outside. We're gonna have the reveal. And then the truck. Go ahead.

And then there's somebody who's in on it. So that when everyone's like, what is it? To drive the truck. Well, somebody's on, yeah, the driver, he's in on it. But we don't really need him to be in on it. He's a hired driver. I'm saying somebody in your family who already knows you're gay and is in on it, but we don't really need him to be in on it. He's a hired driver. I'm saying somebody in your family who already knows you're gay and is in on this, as you're backing into the driveway,

just so the people who are really slow, because I know you got some of those in your family, because we all do. Right. So you're backing into the driveway, and then somebody's like, what in the world is this? And then somebody, the person who's in on it says, well, I think it's a closet.

Yeah, well there's a... You need someone to say... There's it says, well, I think it's a closet. You need someone to say... There's a door, and I can tell it's a box. I would call that a closet. It's not big enough to be a bedroom. And then it's just like... And it doesn't have a closet on it. Oh, that's cause it is a closet. And they know that this is an event for Jason, right? And so they start saying, well, you think...

And where is Jason? You think Jason is in there? This is the people, this is the family members talk. You think Jason's in the closet? You want them to say that, so they can hear it being said out loud. It's like, what did you say that you think Jason's in the closet? And then all of a sudden, there is a sound system, and there is a countdown. Five. Five? countdown. Five.

Five? Sure. Four. What's the gayest number? Well, five. Three. Three is the gayest number? Two. Because you would say, queer is a two dollar bill.

Wasn't that a saying growing up? And it takes two gay people to be together. Just forget the gay number thing, I don't know. Two! Count down. One! Don't count from two. I mean, that's what you were choosing.

That's also practically too early. 10, I count down from 10. 10, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Five, four, three, two, one. Music begins to play, the gayest song you could think of. I'm Every Woman. Okay. Great choice. And then Jason just walks out.

He just, he of the closet. And we see if anyone gets it, and again, the person on the inside, your agent, says, Jason just came out of that closet. And we see if anyone gets it. And again, the person on the inside, your agent, says, Jason just came out of that closet. Jason just came out of the closet. And then you just let them realize what's happened. Jason just came out of a closet. Jason just came out of the closet. Right. You gotta get someone who's good at it. And then they don't have time to let their bigotry permeate the situation

because they literally just watched someone just come out of a closet. And they reacted to it in the way that you would, and then when they're like, oh, he just came out of the closet. And then play Proud to Be an American by Lee Greenwood. Lee Greenwood. Why would you do that? It's gonna bring people in. Trust me.

Okay. And that can play gently underneath anything, as you say, I'm here for questions, maybe. I think you just start hugging people. Okay, yeah. Just start allowing them to congratulate you. You know, set the tone. This is what you expect, to be congratulated. Oh, you're in touch with yourself. And then if somebody's gonna be, decide to show their ass,

and be like, well, I'm not gonna have anything to do with this, they're leaving a party. They've gotta overcome all this social energy. Yeah. And if they're, you know, I think, and they'll make ass of themselves. Right. Yeah. So they're gonna be the ones to make ass of themselves, and everyone else is gonna be magnanimous, and you're gonna have a good time.

And you know what? Maybe you'll be in for a surprise, and no one will make an ass of themselves and everyone else is gonna be magnanimous and you're gonna have a good time. And you know what? Maybe you'll be in for a surprise and no one will make an ass of themselves. Right. And... you will have learned something that day too. And maybe you could do a combination of both of these. Good luck! You could do a combination of both that you can do the long play and then end with the closet on the flat bed.

Closet on the flat bed. Yeah. Closet on the flatbed. Closet on the flatbed. Yeah. Closet on the flatbed. Let's take another one. Hey besties, it's Nicole. I would like you to weigh in on a potentially morally confusing situation. Anyway, I bought these storage boxes from Big Lots a few weeks ago. I got home and realized that the lids that come with them,

one of them I got the wrong size. So I wanted to go back into Big Lots to exchange it. But when I walked in, there was one cashier who was 424 years old, a line full of people with full carts and not another single big lots employee to be found. So I made a quick decision and walked to the back of the store, put the wrong lid on the shelf, got the right one, and then just walked right out. I have surveyed my friends and family and they're mixed as to whether I am a terrible person or just a really efficient one. So let me know what you think. Okay, love you, bye.

Wow, I'm so glad that you're bringing this to us. These are the type of questions that I like. Because this, I believe her, and I believe that we can help her, and I've never thought of this before. So call us with stuff like that. You got a little pep talk for him, Rhett? Well, I have thought about it because I can very much relate. Oh no, I'm saying that relating it to getting people to call, I was gonna give them the number. But I was letting you dangle the carrot a little bit about calling in and leaving

a voicemail. This one is such a good one. If you are struggling with a moral quandary. Oh, Lord, yes. And your friends are divided, and you've consulted with them. Oh, consulted with them. And you are a house divided. You feel conflicted. Well, there's two men on the internet

with a fair amount of life experience and a podcast who are prepared to give you an answer that will change your life for the better. Blow your mind. All you gotta do is call 1-888-EAR-POD-1. I think we made a mid-roll ad. We, I'm sorry to mid-roll. We're supposed to do another mid-roll.

Our conversation. You wanna do that one later? We'll do it right now. Roll for Mythicality begins this week with Season 2. If you're into... I think we were told that we couldn't say the thing that... If you're into it, you know a TTRPG. You know what that is. Yeah. So you don't need to hear D&D if you hear TTRPG.

Don't mean to exclude anybody. When I played Roll for Mythicality, and we did in a one-shot that's gonna be part of this, I have a grand time and I had very little point of reference. So you'll enjoy that over on the Mythical Society. And then there's basically a quest every other week featuring Emily, Michaela, Trevor, Lily, and Dungeon Master TJ. They do a great job.

It's very entertaining. Long form, couple of hours of content. Mythicalsociety.com. Back to the question at hand, the Big Lots Dilemma. I haven't told this story in quite some time, so if you're not a long time fan, you may not remember it. But I have done essentially this exact same thing. The year was 2004. Okay.

I'll tell you in a moment why I remember the year. All right. I was at home. I realized that I had a, I had gotten one of those specialty batteries, like for a clock or a watch. Or a clock. To come back to the theme of, I can't remember what it was. It was just one of those specialty flat batteries

that goes in some stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And can also be the wrong size for reasons that no one understands. Yep. And there's multiple sides. I get home and I'm like, well, this is the wrong one, damn it.

I'm gonna go back to Walmart and exchange it. And I ran into a similar situation. I don't remember exactly the reason why I decided to not do the return. Because had you opened it? No, I just looked at it. And I said to myself... So it was as good as just trading.

I'm gonna go back in and I'm going to see if these things are the same price. And to be honest with you, I don't even remember if they were. I just, I think they were. I just went back in and I... I think that matters. They were, for all intents and purposes, they were the same price, like within... How convenient.

Within cents of each other. Okay, well, okay. It's like we're talking about two batteries that are basically the same but slightly different. Okay. And I just put it back, grabbed the other one and walked out. Okay.

And here's the reason I feel fine with this. For me, and I think Nicole, maybe you're in the same boat. You sound like somebody who is at least willing to explore the ethical ramifications of such an action. Meaning, you're a good person. You're not one of the bad seeds. You're probably never going to jail unless you get falsely accused of something. Yeah.

We don't, as a society, we don't have to worry about Nicole. I think as a society, we don't have to worry about Rhett either. Okay? I don't know about you, but I don't think we have to worry about me. Now, for those of us that you don't have to... We need to take care of each other. We don't have to worry about from a legal standpoint. I actually think you need to do something like this in your life because you need to know what it feels like

to do something that's a little bit wrong but not really that wrong. Well, if you are saying that what you did was wrong, then I agree. Yes, it was wrong. Because if it's not exactly the same thing, the thing that she did is different than the thing you did. She fixed a problem that maybe she created. She's even more right.

Because she's so right. She made things better by going in and repairing something up because I assume you left the other lid behind that actually went with something that's still there. She was about to create the problem for another person. You are out of the question exonerated, but you my friend are in the wrong and you want her to get a little naughty. What I'm saying... Because she want her to get a little naughty. What I'm saying... Because she needs to loosen up a little bit.

Well, let's just say that they are exactly the same price. I think that they were the same price. Let's just say, you still think it's wrong? Because I think it's still wrong. Technically. That's my whole point. Is that whether or not there's a difference in price? In fact, it may have been that I felt so sure about doing it because the thing that I was getting cost even less than the thing I was returning. I don't remember the details. This is 20 years ago. But at what point did you come to the grand realization? Okay. I think I'm piecing this together now. And I'm about to tell you another thing I did wrong, which is actually way worse than anything that I've talked about so far. And this is not

something I encourage you to do. But this is something that I have a whole lot of sympathy for people, and people get so mad at people, and I understand why. People go to jail for what I'm about to tell you. So we had just had Locke. You know, weeks before. This was, you know, I hadn't had, it was 2004 when he was born. So, I know that we had not had him for very long. Because Jesse was doing something, I was taking care of him, I put him in his car seat, I go to Walmart to exchange the battery, I go in, I am looking at the battery, I'm remembering now, I'm looking at the battery that I need,

the new battery that I need to get, and when I'm looking at the new battery that I need to get is when I realize that I am a father. And my child is am a father. And? My child is not with me. So? My child is in the car. Oh, that's a shit you pants moment. Now, a couple of things to note.

It was February, he was born in February, so it wasn't hot. Thank God. And I had been in the store for approximately three minutes when I remembered that I was a father. Because you didn't go to a counter. You went straight there to make the exchange yourself, so that was good. And so in that moment, I was like, I don't want to have to go get him, so I did the exchange. I was just like, shit, I'm putting this back. I got the other one and I ran out.

So now you're the hero all of a sudden. No. You're a dumbass. At what point... But you're not the villain anymore. At what point was I a hero? At what point... You were, no, you were a villain. At what point...

You were the villain. How could I have been a hero at any point in this story? What thing did I say that would make you interpret that I was trying to communicate at any point that I was a hero? I went into Walmart, forgot I was a father, and stole something. But you saved your kid's life. No, he was fine. He was completely fine four minutes after I had left him. But here's the thing.

You know, listen, do I think that people who leave their children in cars should be prosecuted for? Of course. But every single time I see some parent when the worst has happened, when they left their kid and the kid has died, I just am like, golly, I can only imagine how hard that is. And I, no, no, wait, let's not talk about this.

No, and I'm just saying, and I think that as a society, usually people who don't have children are just like, how could you do something so heartless? Now there are certain situations where people leave them in the car and go play, like, Texas Hold'em for 10 hours or something. Those crazy stories. Yeah, some sort of maybe substance abuse. Right, but especially right after you've had a kid. So I think this is a warning

for you if you just had a child. You have to remember that you had a child. Because those first few... When you put the child in the back, now a lot of the new cars have the backseat warning, the backseat occupant warning. Oh, really? Every new car that's made now has that. Well, that should tell you something right there. And that's a great feature. They all expect you to buy their car.

And the fact is is that a lot of people make that mistake and just, you know, figure it out before it's too late. So anyway... I can't say I've ever done that, but... Because you've never watched your child. That's okay. Yeah, I've never been trusted with my own children. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Christy never let you take the child out by yourself. She's not crazy. Uh... Have I ever gone in and exchanged anything? I think, yeah, I just think you're in the clear here. But I think you might need to just steer clear of your family members that thought you did something wrong. You can't hold on that tightly to life. You just slip right through your fingers.

I think you should steal a little something. Steal a little something. And I'm not talking to you who already stole something, okay? You know who you are, you've stolen stuff, and you still do it. I'm not talking to you, you should stop. I'm saying if you've never stolen something, you should steal something small.

And don't get into a situation where you get caught for shoplifting. I'm not encouraging that. This is not trying to be scared straight. We don't want you to get caught. Just do something a little bit wrong if you never do anything wrong. Take like a... Break the speed limit. Do something.

Take a... some gum. Jaywalk. Stealing might be too much. What about gum, though? Take some gum? Yeah. Like, not even... You know how they have these big things of gum? It's like, damn, barrels full of gum? It could be a music shaker.

That's too much gum. But like a little thing of gum? I think you could... Here's how you could get away with that. I think if you get that... you can just plea the fifth. Right. Oh, I'm sorry, you paid for everything else.

Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. I didn't realize this was in my pocket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna arrest you for that. Actually, yeah, pay for everything else. That's a good way into stealing. But don't make this a habit.

Listen, I'm not talking to some of y'all who already have made this a habit. You're a shoplifter. I'm not talking to you. Shoplifting's huge. Maybe we should talk to the shoplifter. Stop shoplifting! Don't shoplift anymore. Don't shoplift. I'm talking to the person who's never taken anything. He's gonna take one stick of gum, one thing of gum, once.

I think we still need to talk to shoplifter lift. Let's talk to him again. Stop shoplifting! Don't shoplift, because... God dang it! I mean, do you realize that it really gets their books off... when they're trying to settle accounts at the end of the day? I don't know if taking the side of the big corporation is the strategy here. It gets the big corporation's books off.

I don't think that's gonna work. It's not gonna work in 2025. Okay. I think you shouldn't shoplift because you don't need this. You don't want this in your life. It feels so good to do it. I know it does.

Because you're gonna get caught and it's gonna be, it's gonna complicate things for you. But it's gonna feel so bad to get caught, it's gonna feel worse to get caught for it than it feels to do it, but I know. You just don't wanna make a habit of it. I know it feels so good to walk out of there and you think you're gonna get caught

and your sphincter's tight and you're sweating out of places that you normally don't. It's a thrill. Mm-hmm. You start to think you wish everybody could feel it. Why are you making it sound so good? But don't do it anymore. I don't know how helpful we were. Okay.

But hopefully we were helpful to Nicole. You did nothing wrong. We did nothing wrong, girl. Next. Hi, Rhett and Link. I have a little situation with two of my best friends who are sort of not speaking right now. There wasn't necessarily a fight, but there is

just some tension and they had a conversation and they both, they like need some distance from each other and I'm needing some advice on how I can move forward with my friendship with both of them whilst they sort of have this separation and how I can still maintain my friendship with both of them during that time. So any advice would be appreciated. Thank you. Man, we got some juicy ones today. That was a very whispery delivery too. Because she didn't want her friends to hear. Were they all in the next room? At least one of them was. She had just experienced it and she decided to call the number.

I'm gonna say, flat out, choose a side. And then spend time with that person, and then for four days. Four days? A trip? As much time as you want to spend with that one person over the course of four days, you do that. And then you go, you spend time with the other person for four days. And then at the end of that, you see what you learn. And what... That's my advice. Okay. Thank you for that. So it's like a reconnaissance mission?

Yeah. Look at it like an information gathering, and then see where you go from there. Well, okay. So that's one option. Um... I would say, in all seriousness, there. Well, okay, so that's one option. I would say, in all seriousness, you are not in any way responsible for their friendship and their feelings toward one another. Woo! Go, Rhett! You said it!

It's got nothing to do with you. Do not take that onto yourself. Do not be a go-between. Do not... In fact, if... You gotta set some boundaries. If one of them starts talking about the other while you're with them, you say, that's between you guys, and I don't wanna be a part of it. My name's Paul. And that's between y'all. And that's between y'all. And maintain each friendship to the degree

that you want to maintain the friendship, as if they didn't know each other. Now, I don't know the logistical situation here. I don't know if you're all on a roller skate, roller derby team together. I think they are. I could hear it in her voice, in her whisper voice. She's got an ASMR voice. She sounded like she could knock somebody down. Yep. And she's got roller derby hips?

I don't know that, Link. And I wouldn't know what those are. But I will say, if you have to be all three of you together, I realize that this may complicate things, but let's just assume that that's not the case and that you can avoid a place where all three of you are there, and maybe if that is the case, all three of you are gonna be somewhere that you don't go to those things. But I just think you can maintain, or you just go and say, I'm not coming in between y'all if you can maintain that. But I think the number one thing that happens

in these situations is that the third friend becomes the go-between, becomes the ambassador. And that is not your job. It's unfair, and you shouldn't do that yourself. Damn. Don't be the ambassador. Be the ass-iter. The ass-iter? I don't know what that means. The ass-iter, because I was with you for don't be the ambassador. Yeah, I just wanted to be something else.

Well, we can do better than ass-iter, I think. Because what you're saying is basically... Be the fence builder. You're a conscientious observer. You're documenting what's happening, but you're not impacting what's happening. So think of yourself as a documentarian. But you can pursue the friendship with each person to the degree that you want to do it. After four days, I think what we're... combine what we're both saying and you've got

something that's just ironclad. Because after the eight days, you will have learned some things about what it's like to have chosen a side. Because it may come to that. One of the things that happens in these situations, especially in the modern world with social media, etc., is that people find out when you get together with the other person, especially if it's like a four-day excursion. I would say that. You've complicated things a little bit with that. But again, if the other person gets upset because you're with the other friend, it doesn't matter. That's not your problem. That's their problem. Yeah. I may have to run out of here with some diarrhea, but I had to...

You? Yes. I'm just letting you know. Before we came out here... Whoa. I had a surprise visit from the mayor. You know what I'm saying? Hold on, did you feel this way and then you ate all that Indian food with me? It was the other way around.

Well, Indian food is just gonna be on top of whatever is happening. I don't need you to draw a mental picture. I shouldn't have brought it up. Let's see, let's hear it. I thought you heard the gurgling. I didn't, but now we all know that you might run out of here with some diarrhea, to quote you. I hope you run out of here and then diarrhea. Don't run out of here with diarrhea, because you'll have some in here. Well, I mean, the stakes have just gone up today. We're teaching Jenna a lesson for missing.

No, we had chicken for lunch. Jenna is on a location scout for Wonder Hole Season 2, by the way. Yes, she is. We are so excited about Wonder Hole Season 2, we're going to take a minute to say a little something about it. Yeah, we are going to take a minute. What do you want to say about it? I want to say that it is the thing that I'm most excited about right now. Me too. I'm excited.

And I think that we have taken everything that we learned in season one and we have upped our game significantly. We're making some decisive decisions that will make it feel different... than season one. In the ways that we are interested in making it different. In the ways that we are... yep. In the ways that we are interested in making it different. We're gonna make it different.

And I do think that we're gonna try to be speaking more openly about WonderHole as it gets closer, so that we can kinda build up momentum by sharing more about it than we did with season one. But anyway, I digress. You got another one? You got another one? Hi, my name is Quinn. I've been a mythical beast for about 10 years now. I am falling in love with my therapist. So I don't really know what to do about that. I've been seeing him for like seven or eight months.

He's my type, very attractive, very funny. We get along perfectly and he recently become single. So how should I go about this? Because I want to talk to my therapist about it, but I can't because it's him. Anyways, okay, thank you guys so much. Any advice, please, out me, okay, bye. Okay.

Wow, we getting some good ones today. I would say there are some questions that we shouldn't answer, but there are no questions that we won't answer. Yeah, here we go. All right. Oh my goodness. questions that we won't answer. Ha ha ha ha! Yeah, here we go! Alright. Oh my goodness. I mean, how do you even know this?

I guess you could find out things like your therapist was recently single. I mean, I can see that's within the realm of possibility for that to come up in a normal course of therapeutic conversation or the surrounding conversation. that come up in a normal course of therapeutic conversation or the surrounding conversation? Oh, you got a divorce, okay. Or, oh, you're single.

So now that I'm past that, well, this is not terribly uncommon. I wonder if it goes both ways, though. That's a big risk. Well, it goes without saying, but we'll say it anyway. If you are going to explore the possibility of this, step one is he can no longer be your therapist. Sever the a-therapist or her therapist? He can no longer be your therapist. Sever the a therapist or her therapist? He can no longer be your therapist.

He has to leave the profession for you. And that is your call. So I think that, and I honestly think, realistically, the way that you would do this, like I'm gonna give the good, serious answer because it's coming to my mind right now. You're saying the way you would do it? And I'll just support you in the reason why you're doing it. At this point, she knows enough to know that she doesn't

need to be... It has to cloud therapy when there's attraction, even if it's only one way. You shouldn't be your therapist anymore already. Yeah, even if it's just a you thing, and your therapist is completely blindsided by this, that's still reason enough to make a change. You shouldn't be attracted. For your own sake. If you're attracted to your therapist, it changes the dynamic in such a way

where you don't get to experience the benefits of therapy to the degree that you might need them. Right. I don't know anything about you, Quinn, but you're in therapy, you know that you need to be there, but I'm just saying you're not experiencing the full benefits of it if you're into your therapist in that way.

You're getting something else out of it. I have to think so, yeah. So I think what you have to do. We could be wrong. Is I think you have to say, in the next time you see him, maybe you might need to give it a few times to work your way up to this, but I think you have to say, I think that I'm going to have

to find another therapist. And the reason is, is that I am attracted to you and like you in a way that I think is inappropriate for this, you know. Therapeutic exchange. Yes. And then, if you're not comfortable with phrases like therapeutic exchange, then say something like therapy. Doctor-patient relationship. Doctor-patient relationship.

And then, the ball is in his court. Now, I don't know what the lega... I assume that the legality of this is, like, I think that... At this point, I don't think he can charge for this session. I'm just gonna say that. I don't know anything about that. I don't think he should charge for the session where you're breaking up with him.

I think the thing you have to realize, though, Quinn, is that this is going to be an extremely difficult thing for him to reciprocate, even if he likes you. Because for the entirety of your relationship, the question... What is the first question you get when you're hanging out with other couples? How'd y'all meet? And you're gonna be lying about that, or else he's gonna be like, well, I'm a therapist and she was my patient. And then immediately, he seems like a bad therapist.

And so he's probably not gonna reciprocate this, even if he's into you. Exactly. But what could happen, maybe there's a time period that will can pass when this becomes acceptable. Is it a year? Like culturally or legally? It's like, you know, she was my patient in 2025, but we started dating in 2027. I'm sure there's a regulation for that. There has to be. I'm pretty sure, though, it's frowned upon to ever date a patient

you have seen. At any point. At any point. At any point. Yeah, we're frowning upon it right now. That's why I feel like you should. We're literally doing... He's always frowning a little bit. It's just the way his beard is shaped. Right.

Yeah, I just feel like you should never get a therapist that you could potentially ever be attracted to. That would just be my personal move. Get yourself an ugly therapist. Uglytherapist.com. Or just somebody who's not your type. That's what we should start that. Somebody who's not your type. Uglytothearpist.com. Well, I think there's a difference between.

Someone is not ugly, but someone can be ugly to you. Do you think, I think that there's a difference between, let me just say, my therapist is a man, I'm not attracted to men. What about boner killer therapy? But what I will say. Dot com. Is that I think you can have a therapist

that you think is attractive, but you can't have a therapist that you're into. And I think there are two. Volva drying therapy. Well, that's just too specific to people with vulvas. The thing that they don't know is that they own both of them. Oh, it redirects to the same thing. Yeah. Uglytherapist.com.

But I think you can be into a therapist physically, but not emotionally, because I think you can turn that off. I think you'd be like, oh, she's attractive, and then I think you could just, that's never happened to me. I've never been attracted to a therapist, but I don't think you should stop seeing a therapist just because you could recognize that they're good looking. That sounds like it needs to be right. I want that to be right. Because then you're basically saying that, like, you can't have...

And so I assume that's right. ...professional relationships with people that you think are attractive. I know a therapist is a little bit different, but... I'm not... I mean, my therapist is a dude. Mine too. And I'm not trying to jump. So, all of this is too hypothetical for me. But you and a pickle. I know when I stick my head in a jar and it's pickles.

And you're in it, you know? So, it smells like a pickle jar. Yeah. Just get a new therapist and then shoot your shot. I guess, but like, Rhett's right. Rhett's right. It would cause so much trouble for this person in terms of their career. And it's just like... I mean, that's a huge choice. To start dating.

You said seven or eight months? You know. I feel like you can... I think you can cut the cord. Because there's no way that the therapy is as effective as it could be, if you're kind of like, Right. Getting off a little bit on it. Well you're making it sound oddly immediate.

Like. I'm just using it in a proverbial sense. the immediate. Like... I'm just using it in a proverbial sense. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Just think about the way you would look to... Like if you had a hot female therapist, there's no way you wouldn't look forward to therapy a little bit.

And I'm saying that you're just kind of like, you're enjoying it for a different reason. And I can tell you you're just kind of like, you're enjoying it for a different reason. And I can tell you right now, I wouldn't be as honest. Well, you are right now, Will. I'm just saying I wouldn't be as honest because you can't help but be able to shape your... present yourself in a different way when you are trying to impress somebody. Okay, well, if you're going generally impress somebody...

Like I'm not that crazy, right? You know what I'm saying? It's just like... I mean, if you're talking about trying to... There's many reasons why you might want to try to impress somebody. But if you have a therapist and the whole point is for you to be your honest self. If you're like thinking about... You're paying for the wrong and the weird thing. Yeah. It's a weird thing to pay for in that way. So don't do that. How about that is your answer.

I think our answer is just you gotta break up with the therapist. And you can be honest and tell him why you're doing it. Why not? And can the therapist charge for that session? Usually they charge before you even go. That's right. My therapist charges 24 hours before the session. I hate that. I hate that, but it's so effective. That way there's not a discussion if I have to cancel. It's like, well,

it's not like I'm charging you. I already charged you. Pfft. So now you have to ask me for a refund. Versus I'm asking you to take it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think you gotta pay for it. I think you gotta pay for it. Yeah. It's only right. It's like a parting gift. Yeah. It's a wait. It's like a parting gift. Yeah. It's a wait till the end of the session. Get the therapy.

What, get one last go at it? If you already paid for it. Yeah, you already paid for it. Anything else? Yeah, there is something else. There's one thing that's kinda put a finer point on all of these proceedings. And with that note, we're done for today. I think the caliber of questions we got was inspiring, and I really appreciate it. So we'll ask again.

Give us a call. 1-888-EARPOD1. I'll catch you next week. Hi, y'all. My name is Macy. I'm from Oklahoma, but I'm currently living in Long Beach, California. And I am driving to my very last final as an undergraduate student. So I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for everything that you do. Joining me on late night study sessions, early morning drive. With the amount that I watch you guys, you probably have also earned your bachelor degree.

So thank you, love you guys.