Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Rhett's Strange Movie Obsession | Ear Biscuits Ep. 464

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

When it comes to beverages, we don’t mess around. In this episode, Rhett & Link discuss what beverages they’d want to have dripping from their fingertips – you know, normal stuff– as well as what it was like going from college roommates to living with their wives for the first time. Oh, and a little advice to someone whose family member has picked an interesting name for their child. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is mythical. At Desjardins, we speak business. We speak startup funding and comprehensive game plans. We've mastered made-to-measure growth and expansion advice, and we can talk your ear off about transferring your business when the time comes. Because at Desjardins Business, we speak the same language you do, business. So join the more than 400,000 Canadian entrepreneurs who already count on us and contact Desjardins today.

We'd love to talk business. In your dating era, why not add a little more you on Bumble? More of you shamelessly sending playlists. Especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminislists, especially that one filled with show tunes. More of you finding Geminis, because you know you always like them. More of you dating with intention,

because you know what you want. And you know what? We love that for you. Someone else will too. Date your way on Bumble. ["Bumble"] Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two life-long friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the round table of dim lighting, we're gonna have

beverages shooting out of our fingers. Oh, God. And we're gonna have thoughts shooting out of our mouths. Yeah, that's every week. I don't plan on anything shooting out of anywhere else today, Rhett. Well, my wife's out of town, so. But I have peed a couple of times.

What you been up to? I had a dream. Okay. I had a dream. I. I had a dream. Tell me about it. Um. Tell me about it. Tell me about your dream, man.

Hopefully I can piece together some of the details as I talk about it. I was, my wife was in my dream. I was dreaming about my wife. Okay. And nothing like that. We were just together. And somehow I knew that I had the ability to conjure up basically any object that I wanted to. You know how sometimes you can't remember... I can't remember the part

of the dream whereby which or when I realized that I had this. You received this power? But I was trying to prove it to her and I was like, and it was her and a couple other people and I don't know who they were and I don't think it was you, no hard feelings. Fine. I was like, for instance, like, it's cold out here.

What if we wanted a big pair of ear muffs, right? And so then at that moment, a delivery man pulls up, gets out with a box, hands me a box, I open the box, giant earmuffs, made of wood. Huh? I didn't mean them to be made of wood, it's just I hadn't fully mastered the skill yet. Oh.

And they were looking at me like I was crazy. They were like, this could, I mean. Sounds kinda like Amazon delivery to me, but. Well, yeah, stay tuned. So they were like, you haven't proven anything. You just, you said that something was gonna be delivered and then it got delivered. And I was like, well, everything has to be introduced into the world in a

plausible way. It won't just pop into existence. So like we have to open a door and it has to be there, or a delivery person has to show up with it. But they still thought I was crazy, and I was like, I could do anything, but I just figured out that I had this skill. So then we were suddenly inside a house somewhere, you know how suddenly the locations change. Uh-huh, yeah. And I was like, okay.

You guys want some more evenmuffs? And I was like, okay, I'm going to think of something that you could never anticipate being delivered. And I was like, a piece of rice that when placed in the middle of the room turns into a gun. I don't know why, that's just what I thought. What? So the door opens and a man delivers

a single piece of rice. He's still a delivery man. It's a guy. It has to get there somehow. It just kept being a delivery man. I get a lot of packages. And I'm handed this piece of rice. I go to the middle of the room, I set it down.

We all stand there and look at it and then it goes, and it poofs, not into a gun, but into a malformed VHS tape. And then that's what I say to myself and to the people around. I'm like, oh, I guess I can't make weapons. I guess there's a restriction on this. I can't make weapons. Uh-huh. You're learning.

And I didn't really make a great VHS tape. It was like almost formed, but in like one of the corners, it didn't fully pop out. Okay. It's not functional. But they were impressed by this point because not everybody can take a piece of rice and turn it into a malformed VHS. The rest of the dream, I've been waking up early, I've been told you this,

I go through these phases where I wake up at like 4 a.m. and I have a lot of trouble going back to sleep. I'm in one of those phases right now. But when I do go back to sleep, I have really vivid dreams because you know how that is when you wake up and go back to sleep. So it was in that state. That's why the details are like so fresh

because it was the last thing that happened before I woke up for the final time. The rest of the dream, I'm trying to figure out the extent of the powers, and I figure out that I can't make people appear, I can't make weapons appear, I can't make anything with, like I can't make a book, nothing with words, like. AI. Like in Severance, you can't take messages on the elevator,

like in Same Thing, I can't. It's like AI. I can't commune, yeah, exactly. It's like AI that I have some sort of metaphysical access to that's not quite figuring things out fully. And then I woke up before I applied it in any meaningful way. Well, maybe you'll wake up at four this morning.

I hope not. And you can continue the dream. Couple of things that really stand out to me. If you're going to make something appear that nobody would expect, I can think of nothing better than earmuffs, especially for us in our lifestyle, California. We don't, ain't nobody got ear muffs.

Well, it was cold in my dream. It was snowing in my dream. Oh, it was? I thought as my first miracle, I would do something that was appropriate. But they were wooden. They were big, I mean, they were this big. They were for a giant.

It sounds cool, actually. And then- It was a good dream. When you put the rice down, and then, it started turning into, you were waiting for it to turn into a gun, were you so fixated on it becoming a gun that you didn't appreciate the fact

that this was becoming a VHS tape or anything right before your eyes? Like, it's hard to, No, I was still impressed. Cause if you, you were impressed, but not impressed enough to help you realize that you were dreaming. Oh, yes. I thought about this after I woke up.

The stuff that was happening was clearly impossible, and if I was good at keeping up with my reality checks that people who try to lucid... I go through phases where I almost start that I never do. I would have immediately realized I was dreaming. Lucidity checks then train your brain when to have that habit while dreaming to then cue you to then control your dreams, i.e. to lucid dream. And also, anytime anything slightly unbelievable happens in waking life, being like, am I dreaming?

But I just don't do that, because so many unbelievable things happen in my waking life, Link. It's interesting that... As part of my job. ...while things happen in dreams, and the part of your brain that analyzes it is off, unless you develop a habit of it always being on, which is not appealing to me. Controlling my dreams, very appealing to me. The cost is not just having to work at it,

but to train yourself to constantly question whether you're dreaming is a burden I don't want to sign up for. Like, there's so many things that are already going through my brain. It probably is hard at first and then easy though. I just don't need another like thought stream going through my brain at any point.

Maybe it's a good distraction from whatever unhealthy thoughts streams you have. You don't know. Okay. Like what are you thinking about? I'm thinking about whether or not I'm dreaming right now. You know, you can't be anxious. You know, it's like, hmm. I'm still a victim, I'm a common-sense victim

of my industrial engineering. I'm constantly thinking about, like, what's the best process, especially in the morning? Like, I'm doing this, then I'm doing this, and then I'm doing this, but what if I brush my teeth here instead of here and I mixed it up and could I discover something? A different part of the house?

No, like a different part of the sequence, that type of thing. I'm really surprised you haven't gotten that toothbrush that you just stick the thing in your mouth and it brushes your teeth in 20 seconds. Like it's only because you're cheap. But because, I mean, if you're wondering about saving time, you all seen this thing on TikTok?

It's like it has a tooth, it's like a mouth guard. It's huge and it's like it has a tooth. It just brushes all your teeth at the same time. Simultaneously. Now we're gonna be in the ad for it on TikTok. And we will sue your ass. Or... We're so be in the ad for it on TikTok. And we will sue your ass. Or, We're solitiges.

Send us some, and maybe we can be spokesmen. I should try it. That's the other route. Send us some and maybe we can be spokesmen. You just put it in your mouth and it washes every, washes every teeth. Or else we sue. That's not how it works. Every tooth.

Every tooth it wants. And is there, You works. Every tooth. Every tooth at once. And is there... You look like an idiot while you're doing it. Is it an LED? Well, I mean... But no one's watching. Have you ever seen me brush my teeth? I don't want to.

Anyway? I don't want to. If you started, I'd look away. I do it at the window, though. I like to look out the window. Sometimes I like to walk outside when I'm brushing my teeth. What about the drip? I get, I'm a no dripper, man.

I use so much toothpaste. I drip all over myself. Really, toothpaste is overrated. You don't need that much. Wrong. You don't need that much. You want every tooth soaking in fluoride so you can damage your pineal gland.

Okay. This is not that kind of podcast. Okay. And you're not gonna make it such. Okay. But I still don't remember many of my dreams. Or should I say RFK Junior instead of okay. That would be a tough thing to change

in your normal speech. To what? Changing okay to RFK Junior. Yeah, I'm not gonna do it. I wouldn't do that. I'm not gonna do it. I wouldn't do it. Not gonna do it.

Also not gonna do that. That's the first Bush. The first Bush. Yeah. That's Bush senior. That wasn't Bush. That was Dana Carvey doing the first Bush. You see Mike Myers showed up on SNL as Elon.

A while back, yeah. It was good. A month ago. You're behind. No, it was last weekend. Do you know how far in advance we are? We're way ahead, we're way ahead now, yeah, yeah. Cutting all this.

Nobody gives a shit about that anymore. Okay, yeah, you're right, we're so far ahead. Yep. We're like four weeks ahead now. Just can't do it, guys, I'm sorry. Well, also, you never know, he could be coming back. It could be a recur. Put it back in.

So it could be a recurring recur. Put it back in. So it could be a recurring thing. Put it back in. I'm just saying, it was a really good impression, and I hope he comes back and does it again. Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was a little too British. All of this is getting cut. No, no, no.

You're messing with our runtime. He's South African. I know, but I just feel like it went, I was like, I had notes, I'm sorry, I had notes. I had notes. I had notes. I'm sorry, I had notes. I had notes. I had notes. Just keep dreaming, man. Just keep dreaming, keep telling us about it.

Well, I don't remember many of my dreams now, so when I had that one, I thought, I'm gonna remember that. Why do you think you're waking up at 4 a.m., then? I mean, I don't. You going to bed too early? I am going to bed. I'm trying to be in bed by 10 o'clock, which is, and get up at 6, so, you know, almost a full eight hours.

You should really try 8.30. Yeah, I would not be able to do that. If I went to bed at 8.30... 8.50. 9 p.m. sweet spot. I don't necessarily think the time that I go to bed changes when I wake up. So I've read a lot of different things about it. This is not that type of podcast. Most of it seems to be the fact that I'm just getting older and these things change and sometimes you start waking up and I'm taking the magnesium, I'm doing all the things.

It's like, then it'll go away. It'll go away, I'll be fine. And then it'll come back for a couple weeks and then it'll go away again. And I haven't been able to track it to any- Maybe just say stress. Particular thing. There's certainly that.

Yeah, there is, but there's been times when I wasn't stressed at all and I was still doing it. So, I don't know. Gotta get in touch with it. Before we start shooting things out of our fingers, we want to remind you that we, I mean, Mythical at large, but specifically the Mythical Kitchen is doing an amazing live streaming ticketed event called Survive the Mythical Kitchen. It's on Thursday, April 3rd. I really encourage you to check it out. If you're a fan of Josh and the Mythical Kitcheners,

they got quite a challenge going on over there. And we're gonna do our darnedest to make our little appearance as a part of it. Well, I mean, we are gonna be making an appearance. We're coming back from a Wonderhole shoot. Yeah, but we intend. Our plan is to be back. Unless we get held up.

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Let's listen to a voicemail. Hi, Rh in link. My name is Abby from Omaha, Nebraska. I have a get to know you question that I kind of like to ask people to break the ice. You could have any five beverages dispensed from your fingers on one hand, which five beverages would you choose?

Like, which would you like to have access to at all time? Mine are cold water, cucumber, margarita, tropical red bull, Dr. Pepper, and extra cold milk. Let me know. Love you both. Solid choices. That's good. I like how you're specifying the temperatures. This is a fun question. Extra cold milk is a vibe. I'm really... Not too cold, not ice-full.

No, you know, just below it being icy. When it gets icy, then something is... I think that's water coming out of the milk. Something breaks down. And then that's becoming something different. I don't know what it is. I don't know, maybe some sort of cold cream you rub on your face.

But I see cold milk, I'm just an advocate for that. I have a couple of super cold milk. Technical clarifications. Yep, yep, yep. Number one. Does it hurt when it happens? I don't think it would, so that wasn't a question. Oh!

Number two. No. Do you stay exactly the same hydration level because you are a circle? Like the water is coming out of you and going back into you. It's like peeing in your own mouth, which I have not done.

Pfft. But it's like that. So is it a circle? Pain in your own mouth. Because I wanna know that because I don't know if I would have water if it was just a circle. Because if it wasn't a circle, then it was like every hiking trip,

I don't have to worry about anything. I'm just sucking on a index finger, probably. I don't think we can say that it comes from somewhere. You don't have like a Dr. Pepper gland. So it's magic. It's magic? Because my third question was, you said Dr. Pepper gland. Is it a gland? Is it like one of those bags that's in a Coca-Cola

freestyle and it is somewhere in your body now? Like a syrup bag. Which just as you should go off on the Coca-Cola freestyle tangent for a second because I really liked what you had to say about that the other day. Well, my wife and I like to see movies together and I have experimented with a couple of different movie theaters in the town of Los Angeles

based on proximity to our home. And also there are some movie theaters in Los Angeles that some people think are cooler or higher brow, or they show cool indie films, but they will also show maybe the movie that you actually want to watch. And I've tried a couple of these, and they serve beer, and you might see like...

Gourmet nugget. The tall guy from Succession there when you go, that kind of thing. Okay. All that happened. But I did this for a couple of times, and Jessie was like, please do not bring me to another theater

that does not have a Coca-Cola freestyle. Ha ha ha ha! And you know what, I said, baby, you are so right about this, because I feel as strongly about the Coca-Cola Freestyle. And you know what, I said, baby, you are so right about this because I feel as strongly about the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine as you do because who are these people who are drinking caffeinated beverages while they watch movies at night? Who are you people?

Who are you people who are drinking coffee, regular coffee, after dinner at a restaurant? How is this happening? You think I wake up at 4 a.m.? I will go to bed at 4 a.m. and immediately wake up if I have that much caffeine. I don't know. Maybe they have ADHD. It does the opposite, I'm told. So anyway, thank you to all the restaurants that have decaf coffee, and screw all the restaurants that don't. To hell with you and your sophistication. So you want a caffeine for you.

I'm sorry I went off on a caffeine coke. This is a tangent within a tangent. Decaf coffee. My wife and I love having a little decaf coffee after we eat. And we always ask, do you have decaf coffee after we eat. And we always ask, do you have decaf coffee? And many times they're like, no, as if they're insulted by it. I don't understand that either.

I don't care how they make it. I don't care what they do to make it decaf. I don't care if they run it through the digestive system of a cat. I don't understand the process. I don't care about it. I don't wanna stay up forever. But you wanna. But you want to...

But a Coca-Cola freestyle machine. You want to have a decaf... Calf. Big. What I get... ...soft drink at your movie. What they don't have in a Coca-Cola freestyle machine is a caffeine-free diet Dr. Pepper. They don't have that. But they do have caffeine-free cherry vanilla Coke Zero, because you can make anything you want. You can make anything you want.

Caffeine-free cherry vanilla Coke Zero. So they have caffeine-free Coke Zero as a thing. Yeah. And at least have Diet Coke if they don't have that. Can you get that at the store? No, you can only make that in a freestyle machine. You can't buy caffeine-free Coke Zero anywhere? Oh, you can buy caffeine-free Coke Zero, yes,

but you can't get cherry vanilla. The thing that I get at the freestyle is mellow yellow zero. Yes, caffeine-free? Because I haven't tried caffeine free because I'm a freak and if it's Friday or Saturday, I'm gonna drink some caffeine and I'm gonna go to a movie. You can also have caffeine at like five o'clock

and go to bed at eight o'clock. Oh yeah, yes. So I went to a movie this past weekend and I had a Diet RC Cola. It was the only thing they had. At the freestyle? No. I went to... You went to a movie theater that didn't have a freestyle? Yeah, I went with a friend. I went...

Oh, was this the thing I was invited to but I was too scared to go? Yeah, yeah. I saw the monkey. I don't wanna see no monkey. You actually wouldn't have been scared. It wasn't scary, it was ridiculous. And it was fun and then it wore a little bit thin. That was our opinion. Okay.

It was at the Vista, which is the theater that Tarantino bought and now runs. 35 millimeter film. Everything is in 35 mil and he will show, I've only been to one movie there. He's there, winding the film. Sometimes he'll be there. The previews are old 35 millimeter

that they just basically splice in. And so because The Monkey is based on a short story by Stephen King, I think, they had trailers for Pet Sematary. Vantage. Misery and then another one, the Christopher Walken movie. Dead Zone? Dead Zone.

They showed those trailers before and that was great. That's cool. And it was a matinee, so I was okay with getting a caffeinated beverage. I didn't even ask if they had decaf, they had uncaffeinated, you know, I was like, I know where I'm at. But I thought they would have a Coke Zero.

The only diet beverage we have is RC, diet RC, which it was fine, it was good. Everything's a little different there. Yeah, I appreciate it, you know, cause there's a vibe there. There's women, have you been in there? No. Buddy System season two.

We had a premiere there. Season one premiere was there. Were the women, the statuesque women, statuesque women, and the busts of women. And I don't mean the busts of women, I mean like the busts of women, you know? Not the breasts of women. No, I don't mean the busts of women. I mean like the busts of women, you know? Not the breasts of women. Okay.

The top half of a woman. Where? All along the edges, like lit. Oh. It's pretty cool. Yeah, it's a cool little spot. But back to Coca-Cola Freestyle, I want one.

In your house. In your house. I don't have room for it. But one day I might. I've got kids leaving the house. That is some Silver Spoons shit right there. I remember watching this show called Silver Spoons growing up, and the guy had a train set that he would ride on. He had arcade games that were like full size. And you know what, I've been to a few people's houses and they've had full size,

like retro arcade games. It's only good for guests. You get over that real quick. Well, silver spoon. But having a Coca-Cola freestyle in your house, man. You can get one for $1,000. But then what's the maintenance on this thing? I think it requires a whole other room to just have syrups and stuff all in a cabinet.

Like a big walk-in closet of a thing. And you're gonna have to have somebody come service it. Yeah, I'm not gonna, this is gonna be like a retirement splurge. It's as big as a fridge, right? I mean, it's the same size as the one this is gonna be like a retirement splurge. It's as big as a fridge, right? I mean, it's the same size as the one in... This'll be a retirement splurge if I make it to retirement. But I will admit.

It's a good idea. I will acknowledge that. I mean, I would love to go to your house for that. When I was talking about this Coca-Cola freestyle, my friend, who is the friend that I ended up singing The Monkey with, I think he made the comment that like, this is a sign of the world that we live in, like, think about a caveman being told, or even just someone like, from a difficult time in human history, hearing

someone talk about how they only wanted to go to a movie theater, which what is a movie theater? But I only want to go to the movie theater that has a magic machine that lets me make my own drinks exactly the way that I want them. I understand these are privileged problems, but I'm just saying, if you can and you want to, you should go to a theater that has a Coca-Cola freestyle, which is most AMC theaters. So I'm an AMC guy.

Of course, the problem is, Coca-Cola does not own Dr. Pepper. Right. That's the problem. So back to with the hand, because obviously- Or Mountain Dew, if you're into that. Diet Dr. Pepper, caffeine-free Diet Dr. Pepper, which is a special order item, that would be on one of mine for sure.

I'm thinking about asking facilities to start splitting the diet coke order and adding Coke Zero here. But is this opening a can of worms a habit for me here at the office that- So you don't drink a soda here usually unless it's like a La Croix or a Yerba Mate, right? Yeah.

But I've started drinking, I've started wanting the diet coke. You shouldn't. I read this article the other day and I think everyone kind of suspects that the diet drinks are bad for you. But it was this one. Can't be good for you. It was an article that had like seven, it was like, I was getting punched repeatedly

by this woman who wrote this article. It was like, this is what the research shows about what it does to your gut, what it does, it actually makes you crave food more. What it might be, like, it just makes you not want to want it. Okay. Makes you not want to drink it, but it tastes so good. I stopped short of asking for it, saying I'm not going to.

But it's gonna be on your hand. Yeah, so let's get back to that. The real question, we've kept you waiting way too long. I'm sorry if you've been frustrated. I'm not. Can I get coffee with the right amount of cream already in it and just make that one? Yeah, that's like a latte. I'll make that my thumb.

Flat white right out of there. Yep. But I don't want to do a thumbs down to drink my coffee. Well, no. Just, you suck it. Suck my thumb again, huh? You can suck it or you can shoot it. It took me a long time to... And I wanted to give out at a certain... I wanna set a limit. I wanna put a governor on that thing.

Because I don't wanna be sucking my thumb all day. And I'm not gonna put it on my thumb because I don't wanna start sucking my thumb again. Well, what are you gonna put on your thumb? I was all the way through kindergarten before I broke that habit. I ain't going back. So I'm gonna do it into a mug. Hmm, I don't think you can do that. Well, I can. I'm not gonna do it directly into my mouth.

I think that's my whole point. I think middle finger is going coffee in the, it's a latte. Yeah, I agree. Right into the mug. Well, you know what? That's my first one. That's your first one.

Coffee will get it messes with my tummy, so I'm drinking green tea now and it doesn't taste great. I don't want green tea coming out of my finger. I really don't, not even matcha, not even the best matcha. Why? Because it's just not as good, although- You had it out of a finger before? No, but I mixed it with honey now

and it is pretty good with a little honey. That's two fingers right there. So honey to green tea. Well, I gotta think about this. That could still be one finger. Caffeine-free diet, Dr. Pepper. Even though you've just said you shouldn't be drinking. Yeah, so it's a little treat.

There needs to be a governor on it. No water. No, we said it was magic, so water. Water, water on the thumb. Water on the thumb. Water on the thumb. Um, I need water, I think. I drink a lot of water. So that's two for me. What's your second? Cause I think you can drink it like this.

It's like you're thinking. It's like you've stubbed your finger and you're just hurting a little bit. Like you do this, you suck it on your pinky, you're like a moron. Or Dr. Evil. Some dairy beverage. I'm gonna do it all into a container. I'm doing it straight out.

Kefir's a liquid. And I would do that into my smoothie, so I just violate my rule. Can I just make my smoothie come out of my finger? I think that we're stretching it too far. We can't do that. That's not really, that's not, that's breaking the spirit of the question.

It has to be a beverage that exists. Well, she said cucumber margarita. That's like a mixture of the question. It has to be a beverage that exists. Well, she said cucumber margarita. That's like a mixture of things. True. I wouldn't do any alky. No alky. I'm still hooked on those sparkling grapefruit yurbamates from Guyukaki or whatever.

What? Guyukaki. Yurbamate? Gyukaku.yukaki. Yorubamate? Gyukaku? Gyukaku. The sparkling grapefruit ginger is a... The one that's, it's a Yorubamate. But there is a company. But it's not Gaiyukaku or whatever.

Gyukaki. Oh yeah, that's the... That's the cream barbecue. It's our favorite. So that's three for me. Chocolate milk would be really nice. Oh, man, are we on the same page here? So chocolate milk and kefir.

Chocolate milk is such a treat. Well, I said Diet Dr. Pepper, so caffeine free Diet Dr. Pepper. I'm at three. Water, because I am doing water for hikes. Kefir, chocolate milk. All right, so if I add chocolate milk to mine, that's gonna keep me from sucking on your finger.

Can you serve others? Yes. Okay. Then it would be like a 50 year age scotch. It would be, and I would be the guy that everyone turns to in a celebration. I wouldn't drink the Scotch myself, except with others. I don't drink alone, is what I would say.

And it would definitely be the pinky. And it would just be like people are celebrating, I would be like, would you like some, would you like some, actually, it's just as old as me. However old I am is how old the Scotch is. So currently it would be 47 year old Scotch. Psst, psst. It's always been there.

I think for my fifth and final one, I'm gonna go for grape juice so I can Do communion? Celebrate the Baptist communion. If I ever wanna do that. That's sacrilegious, the juice is now coming from your body. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you don't wanna do that.

Well then I got a fifth one. I don't wanna do the diet coke because of what you said. I'm not doing that. Kefir, I just don't wanna copy you, man. You got me on Kefir, drink it every morning. Do you put it in the smoothie? No, I drink my pills with it. I drink my pills kefir, drink it every morning. Do you put it in the smoothie? No, I drink my pills with it. I drink my pills with my smoothie.

No, I drink my pills right when I wake up with my kefir and then I drink a cup of coffee and then after I walk. You do kefir right when you wake up with pills? Yes. I don't know about that. It's great, it's the best. You're not really supposed to eat right when you wake up. I'm drinking kefir, it's different.

Probiotic. You're eating pills and also you're, you should wait 30 minutes. I'm not waiting, forget that. And then that's coating everything because I'm about to chase it with some coffee, which is coming out of my middle finger. Hmm.

So, if I'm not gonna go with Kiefer. You can go with Kiefer if you want. It's expensive. Yeah, it's free now. There's gotta be something more fun than that. How about something poison? Like a poison drink for an enemy, for a foe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there we go.

Or just straight poison. Just strychnine. I don't wanna get my fingers mixed up. No. I don't wanna squeeze the wrong one. I think you're immune to it. You just stick your little middle finger in somebody's beverage and kill them.

I don't think I need to have anything deadly coming out of my body. That's true. I just don't trust myself with that. Fine, I'll just go with kefir. Well there you go, we did it. We caught, we agree on chocolate milk, kefir, and water. I don't ever drink chocolate milk. How often do you drink chocolate milk?

I just really love it. It's a treat. And if it was in my hand, I would drink it all the time. It's a treat, it's a treat. But how often do you drink it? I mean not as often as a... Monthly? Maybe every quarter.

I would say once a year for me at this point. About as often as eggnog, and I'm ashamed to say it. Yeah, that's a problem. Considering I actually like chocolate milk. Yeah. That was a good question. I only drink eggnog to fit in. Hey, Red and Link.

This is Noah from Houston, Texas. My question is, do y'all have any advice for moving in with your spouse for the first time? Me and my fiance are going to move in together. We've been together for six years, so I'm kind of wondering what y'all's experience was like and if y'all have any kind of advice or tips from your own life.

Thanks. I don't necessarily think I have a lot to share here because- Yes, it's tough for us. In my case, and I believe this is also your case, we went from living in a all male college apartment. Yeah. Directly to living with our wives. And there was no transitional period.

There was no opportunity to establish our taste, our style, how we, like I was sleeping on the floor of a bedroom, okay? Like you gave up a bed for the sake of less rent? Yeah, I charged rent to my roommates. And charged rent to Greg who slept in a bed and I slept on the floor next to Greg. On like a blow up mattress?

I mean, I'm sure it wasn't just straight floor. I was a young man though. Was it what my grandparents call a pallet? It wasn't much, it wasn't enough, but it allowed me to charge him like $250 a month or whatever it was. And there was- decorative philosophy at all. And there was no like, well,

this is the type of silverware that I like. It was like, this is just the type of silverware that seven different grandmas have left in this place over the past two years, you know? Yeah. And then to suddenly move in with a woman who had ideas about how things should look. I was a complete, I was a blank canvas.

I was like a baby. I was like a droid that had just been turned on. And it was, I was receptive to anything. And this is why we had what was essentially a princess bed for 20 years. A princess bed. What do you mean by that? It was a white, it was a white, it was a white,

it was a white wooden bed. Four post bed, right? It had tall posts and did it have a roof on it? It had no roof, a canopy they call that. Canopy. It had none of that but it wasn't the bed that I would have chosen but it took me many years before I realized that I had an opinion about it.

Yeah. We no longer have it, we have a bed that feels like it fits both of us. Which has to be huge. We wore that princess bed out, though. Oh, gosh. Okay. I mean, they've been dating for six months. Years. Yeah. I mean, six years.

So he's got a good idea of just, you know, what is it gonna... For me, when Christy and I first got married, for our first year of marriage, we were house-sitting for a couple. That was a nice place. So we moved into a nice, fully furnished house. So we didn't have to make any decisions. I mean, we were

sleeping in their bed. Yeah. You know? Using their desk. Using their... You had sex on the desk? No, we used it for desk purposes. Oh, okay. But you also had sex on the desk, to be honest. I might have. I might have. First year of marriage, you have sex everywhere.

I remember the staircase. Oh. Yeah. Bottom step? Top step? Every step? I just, you know... Gotta work your way up. You start at the bottom and you work your way up?

Bloop bloop bloop bloop bloop! Makes that noise. It's a lot better to start at the bottom and work your way up, but if you start at the top and work your way down, that can be dangerous. Yeah, you don't want to do that. You want to start at the bottom of stairs when you're sorting the mail.

Well, really just to make it seem like more of a journey. And it was, they were carpeted stairs. Stairway to heaven. Which helps. Right. Have you tried hardwood? I wouldn't. But yeah, it's like you gotta time

where you're at on the staircase. It's an indication of, it's like an indication of progress to the finish line. Right. So there's some things you gotta time out when you're doing staircase lovemaking. But yeah, it was in somebody else's house, so we didn't have to figure that out.

When we moved into our town home in second year of marriage, we got a really good deal on furniture, and Christy's favorite color was purple. So not unlike your princess bed, like our living room was nothing but like eggplant purple big old pieces of furniture. I remember those purple couches, purple loveseat. Like a huge couch, a huge loveseat, and then a huge chair, and they were all exactly the same. I don't know how we transported all that stuff back from High Point, North Carolina.

That was the thing to do. When we moved into... Our walls were like a very light green. It was like the Hulk, purple and green. Yeah. I always thought of it as the Hulk house. When we moved into Fuqua, we did exactly the same thing. You get a really good deal on a bunch of big furniture. And I don't know if you recall, our house in Fuqua,

the living room was teeny tiny. It was nothing but couch. And... Like, sectional. We bought, couch. Like, sectional. We bought, it wasn't a sectional. It was just that the love seat and the couch were so big that we had to put them together like it was a sectional. I thought it was a sectional.

Lots of people thought it was a sectional. Until you sat on the armrest. Right. It was a low armrest. People would just slam themselves back on that armrest. It would hurt, too. Seven people broke their coccyxes on my loveseat over the course of about 10 years. Y'all were some coccyx busters.

And Jessie would place a blanket, a little blanket over that. Because she didn't wanna, I mean, she's an interior decorator. That was cruel. And so it was a trap for people. And we forgot to warn them. We should have put a note.

But when we, so we moved here to California. We were in the furnished apartment in 2011. And of course we had to go back. And the furnished apartment that we lived in when we first got here, which we basically lived in the same type of place. Yeah. It was very, it was nice.

For us, it was by far the nicest place that we had ever lived, you know? Very modern, uncomfortable furniture. Yeah. But when we went back to Fuquay and we walked into our living room, I was like, how did we do this? In terms of, not how, why did we do this? Why was the seating so much of the room? It was almost like that, what's the movie with Emma Stone in it where they're, she's like Frankenstein. Weird. It's so good, my favorite movie of last year.

Little Things. Yeah. Pretty Things. Little Liars. Little Liars. Little Things. Little Things. Little Things. Yep, I was right the first time.

The whole floor was mattress in some of those rooms in that house. And we had essentially done that with just a love seat and a couch. It's not a bad thing. You got a television and then you got every place you land is a couch or an arm rest. We had an ottoman too.

Oh yeah. There was more cushion than not cushion. Here's the thing that I wish we had that if you, Mr. Caller, can lobby for anything. You gotta choose the things that you care about. Do you care about spoons? This is good. Well, you only gonna have so much leverage. And you can get bad spoons.

Jessie got some bad spoons. I cared about spoons and I've been happy with our spoons in our entire life. I could barely balance them on my fingers. That's the only thing when we got married that I put on the registry. Like I was like, oh we're gonna register for some silverware, I'm going for this. And you know what I did? I went in that store and I put every

piece of silverware in my mouth. Hold on. You did this as an early 20-year-old? Yes. How did you even know that you had a preference for that? Because I'm like, I'm gonna be putting this in my mouth for the rest of my life, and I'm right! This morning, I put it in my mouth, and 25 years ago, literally 25 years ago, I was putting it in my mouth in and 25 years ago, literally 25 years ago, I was putting it in my mouth in the store. I mean, you gotta test it.

What does a spoon do? You buy a spoon because of the way it looks in your hand? No! Did the person who was working there... It looks in your mouth! Did they, uh... did they know you did this? Fuck them. Oh. Okay. Alright. What about the next person? What if someone else is putting spoons in their mouths too?

What do you mean? It's interesting I didn't think about that. Well, I think metal is antimicrobial. Yeah, let's go with that. You gotta put the thing that you care about. Bacteria can't attach itself. I would say, if you're registering for something nice that you're gonna put in your mouth every day,

that might be a place where you wanna expend some of your daddy capital, we'll call it, all right? Now, but- But I got another thing for you. Yeah, because we're just talking about furniture. We're not talking about sharing a space with a person that you haven't lived with, that we haven't gotten to probably what is

the most important element of this question. It's like, what's it like to live with another person that you haven't lived with. That we haven't gotten to probably what is the most important element of this question. It's like, what's it like to live with another person that you've been in a relationship with? Not just like, what's it like to share a couch with them? No, but I'm saying... What spoon should I put in my mouth? You're gonna... She's gonna be more opinionated about the decor and what goes into the house, and you should let her do that. This is my advice. That sounds like a generalization.

Except for a few things. Yeah, it's a generalization. Okay. Just acknowledging it. I feel like that was true for you 20 years ago, but I feel like. I've seen enough, there's whole, like. My wife is currently working with you

and designing a room in your house. There is, what is your point, though? She said that you basically know exactly what you want and that you take over. Oh yeah, but... So I'm saying that like... But not, but it's more... So I'm saying if you're...

But not back then. No, but this sounds like an adult man who's been... Okay, he's an adult man. ...who's been in a relationship for six years. What I'm saying is that he probably has preferences. We were so nascent. I wasn't putting anything in my mouth yet until the wedding night, really. I'm saying you need to curtail your... you gotta pick the places where you have opinions,

even if you have a lot of them. That's all I'm saying. I completely agree with that. Also while planning a wedding. You gotta pick the places where you have opinions, even if you have a lot of them. That's all I'm saying. I completely agree with that. Also, while planning a wedding, I knew what I was in charge of. I was gonna choose the band, and that was it. The couch. I would say, if I had to do it all over again,

I mean, I'd, I still wish I had a recliner in my house. Like, that's never gonna happen. We've talked about this. It'll probably happen at some point. She'll quit pushing on that. There are couches that you can get now that every seat's a recliner. That's it, right?

That's it. That is where it's at. So you can recline anywhere, or so multiple people can recline at the same time? Because I don't know if I want that many people lying down in my house at the same time. But they're not, otherwise you got somebody hogging the best place on the couch.

So I'm saying that's what you want. You want good spoons, and you want reclinable sofas. Like sofas that every seat reclines. But that's what you would want. I'm answering what I thought was the question. What, okay, I understand that, but what about sharing a space with someone? Like, do we have any perspective on that going from, I feel like I was sharing a space, I was already sleeping on the floor next to a man, so sleeping in the bed with

a woman was a huge upgrade for me. Yeah, you got that right. So I kinda feel like, from my perspective, I don't have a perspective. Rhett's advice is to go away, before you get married, go sleep on the floor for a while. Next to a man. Yeah. Downgrade to get a real good upgrade.

Yeah. It's like when it's really, really hot in the summertime, and you turn the heat up really, really high in your car as you're driving to the movie theater like we used to do. That's right. You play heavy metal music really, really loud. Yeah. You thrash the whole time all the way to the Waverly Place in Cary. You get so sweaty. it's 95 degrees outside,

it's 90 degrees humidity, but when you get out to go into that movie theater in Cary, it feels electric when you get out of the car. It feels like you've stepped into an ice box. You have stepped into that, where Superman goes, the Fortress of Solitude. You have stepped into that and it's still 95 degrees. That's what you wanna do.

When you drink that Coca-Cola freestyle, ooh, it's chilly. Yeah. Mm-hmm. I think we answered it now. Also, make sure that all of your light bulbs are the same temperature. Oh, yeah. This is a general rule for everybody.

This is worse than not having decaf coffee. You can't have a daylight bulb and a warm bulb in the same room or the same house, really. You gotta go warm in your living room across the board. Go warm across the whole house. You gotta go warm in your bedroom across the board. Go warm across the whole house. I'd go warm everywhere across the house,

but if you wanna go cool in your kitchen or in your bathrooms, I understand. If you want sunlight, I almost said flavored light, but I meant sunlight, the spectrum, go outside. Go outside. And if you don't know about color temperature, you're probably the reason that this happens. I don't know, I think Jamie doesn't know about color. I could see, did you't know about color temperature, you're probably the reason that this happens. I don't know, I think Jamie doesn't know about color.

I could see, did you not know about it? What? Why? Because of the way you reacted. No, I grew up in a dim household. Okay, yeah, you keep it dim. I like it dim. I hate, like, my boyfriend turns on the hospital lights

that are like built in. I'm like, no, lamps, we do lamps, we don't do overhead lighting. And you can get those changed by the way. You can get the fluorescent now with LEDs to be the right temperature. You can get everything dialed in. Is it a rental?

Like will your building manager know what to bring you? Yeah, I mean, that's why I just, the only time I use that is if I need to clean, and then you put it on the toilet. It is nice to have those if you need to, like, operate on somebody or if you really, really wanna get wild in the bedroom. Oh. You wanna, you know.

Like an exam. You wanna play doctor in the bedroom? Like literally. Alright, I think we got into more like home decor, but we sensed that's really where... That was what you were asking. What you needed. So I heard the caller talking about being a first grade teacher and making up lies for her students,

and I used to be a teacher teacher and I remember when I was teaching kindergarten I told my students that there was a secret elevator and garage below the school where all the teachers lived and we all had our own little rooms with our beds and we would sleep there at night and then we would just take the elevator and ride it up to the school level in the morning and the kids were so fascinated by it. They wanted to see the elevator and they wanted to go down there but I told them that it was off limits and that I'd get in trouble if I took them down there and I said when you get older you can become a teacher

and then you can go down and you can see the cool secret garage and bedrooms in the basement of a school. I love it. We love stories of lying children that trust you. Right. You know, in an education environment especially. I think this is like some shadow recruitment for education.

Oh, it definitely would have been effective. I think that's great. It's like, you're planning this thing. You're lodging it in their brains. I've always wanted to be a teacher. Why? Because of the elevator down to the dorms where they live. And now that I say it out loud, I realize it was probably a lie, but it's too late. Now that I'm here and I've got the degree,

see, that's how it works. That's really what you're trying to do. It also plays into why grade school kids feel so weird when they see their teacher outside of the school. So I thought you lived underneath it. Why am I seeing you in the Target? Well, because I have to run errands and we still have groceries.

I know, but it helps explain the weirdness. You should never see them out in public. What about, you know what was always weird? Going to a teacher's house. Like when there was like- When did we do that? Oh, when we were friends with somebody who was a teacher of ours

and you would go to the teacher's house and we're like, oh, they have a house too. We were friends with somebody whose parents was a teacher. Many of them, Link. Okay, yeah, our friend Meredith, her mom was an English teacher. Jamie's mom?

Jamie's mom was our history teacher. Well, yeah, I guess we have plenty of these. Yeah, I can keep going. That was, yeah. And I just remember thinking like, you know, it's just, you don't expect them to have a house. Yeah.

You expect them to live in a garage beneath the school. And I remember feeling very vulnerable because we were, we gave teachers hell. We were a little mischievous. So, and then all of a sudden you find yourself, you're in the teacher's house. It's like, well, what are they gonna do to me?

Because I definitely deserve it. Whatever it is, you know? Am I gonna be locked somewhere for days? Didn't happen. I do remember that the conversation about how long our wieners were happened at that house. I remember that one. What's up with that conversation? And there was like a couple of our friends like were really adamant about pulling it out.

I don't remember being adamant about pulling it out. Well it wasn't you. And I'm glad. It's like I'm not that interested in like what you got going on down there that like, I mean, there were a couple of the guys

who they were the gung ho about it. I don't remember who started that. That made me really uncomfortable. Okay. I remember the conversation. It was just dumb. I had forgotten where it took place, but you're right. Cause they had a hot tub.

Yeah, they had a hot tub. The conversation took place in the hot tub. Yeah, yeah, took place in the hot tub. That's why it was so uncomfortable. I was like, is one of these guys gonna stand up and drop trowel right here in this hot tub? It's like, I need some warning. I don't wanna be here for that.

That's funny. Okay, yeah, I don't remember how I felt. I definitely wasn't, I didn't feel the same way for that. That's funny. Okay, yeah. I don't remember how I felt. I definitely wasn't, I didn't feel the same way that you're describing right now. I also didn't have a really good sense of like, and I still don't, of measurements. Right, yeah. So like people were throwing out measurements

and I was like, well, I've never thought about this. Well, you can use your phone now. What? You can use the measurement app on your phone. That's the people, that's a joke that people make all the time. He's like, there's a, I can't remember what. Is that a joke about how long your phone, that's the people, that's a joke that people make all the time. He's like, there's a, I can't remember what. Is that a joke about how long your phone is?

No, you know the measurement app. Like I can measure this sheet of paper from here to here and it would probably be eight and a half, right? Or 11, depending on which side. So get that, that's eight and a half, get that in your, so what I'm saying is that, I can't remember the meme. There is some meme about using your phone to measure your penis. What I'm saying, back in 1994...

Yeah, that wasn't happening. We both remember that conversation. You know what? In 1994, you could use your phone to measure your penis, but would be picking up your Garfield phone from next to your bed and putting it next to your penis. And then what? Then measuring the length of your phone? Yeah, it'd be like... Why not just use a ruler? I think you would be like,

my phone is one Garfield, my penis is one Garfield phone. Exactly. You know, I'm just saying. When I lift it up, his eyes open. Uh-huh. And when I put him down, his eyes close. Yeah. He's one eye. Why are we talking about this?

I don't know, because it's the first grade teachers. Because that happened at our teacher's house. Yeah, I can't believe we were talking about it. We were just curious kids, man. Just curious kids. Nothing wrong with that. But some of them. Curious kids without the internet.

You put a bunch of kids together in a hot tub without the internet, and the next thing you kids together in a hot tub without the internet, the next thing you know they're talking about how long their dicks are. That's just how, I'm just saying that's the way it used to be. Okay? There were, there were girls present. That was the other reason that I was- That was why we were doing it, Link. I didn't think it was appropriate. It wasn't appropriate.

And you were trying to like, brag about it, and then somebody was like, I'll actually pull it out and we can measure it. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm uncomfortable. Oh, you stopped it? I don't remember. No, I didn't stop it. I don't remember any of the details. It didn't happen, but it was just... I don't know if we should be talking about it on the internet 30 years later,

but here we are. I'm just glad that you remember it, because if I know you were there, and if you didn't remember it, I'd be like, well, did it not happen? You dreamed it. I'd hate to know this is something I created in my mind. You dreamed it. I'd like to get it out of my mind.

Okay, well, it's in a lot of other people's minds now, so unfortunately, that's how this works. Let's finish on a strong note. Let's redeem this. Hey, Rhett and Link. So my little sister is pregnant with a baby boy and she's revealed that her top choice for names is Lester. Should I say something or just let it be?

I'm gonna love him regardless. Love to hear your input. Thank you, bye. Well as a man who named all of his children L names, you would have eventually gotten a Lester. I can't get enough a Lester. I mean, it's not just having one Lester, I want more Lebsters.

Lebsters? I messed up my joke. Let me try that again. I can't get enough a Lester. I mean, if I had my way, I'd have more Leasters. Yeah, right, see, that's the problem with that name, yeah. How do we get back here? Do you say anything? Yeah, are you, you're Lester's aunt?

Uncle? Aunt? Yeah, you say something. You say something. And I can pitch some things that you could say, like don't name your kid Lester. I feel like this... Mo' Lester Mo' Problems. Yeah.

You know? Here's the thing, you just don't... You know, kids will find a way. We need to have a bully simulator to put your names into. Does that exist on the internet? Any name you're thinking about, just put it through the bully simulator. Well, I think this is a good reason to use

Chad GPT, you know. I think you can be... If you ask Chad GPT to generate 10... like, derogatory puns about a name, see how good they are. And if more than four of them are good, don't name the kid that. Uh-huh.

You know? And if the first one is Mo Lester, you gotta back off. You gotta back away from that one. So I mean, I think the best thing we can do is be constructive. Okay, right. Like come up with some names similar to Lester. Chester. That are different enough. What about...

I mean, you got Langhorn. You do have Langhorn. There's a singer, Langhorn Slim. He was on this very... not this show, but the show that we shoot next door. That's right. That was a time. I'm still trying to go with L names. That sound like Lester. Can you add? What if you just change the vowel? Luster. Oh, that's bad too.

Lobster? Lobster! Lough! Uh... Webster? Webster. Lebster. Laster? Lister. Uh... Lufus.

L'... L'Oriander. Lucifer. I think Lucifer is better than Lester. Depends on what part of the country you're in. Yeah, I mean. London, Londo, Lonk, Lonk. But okay. Lonk, Lick Lick.

But there is a philosophy here. This is what the entire Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue, is about, right? There is a thing where you give this kid the trial so that they come out of the trial okay. It's just like, listen, I've been through everything. I grew up as a Lester. You'd never be the man you were if I didn't name you Sue. Right. You should thank me. Exactly. So if I didn't name you Sue. Right. You should thank me.

Exactly. So I mean, that's a way to look at this. Well, okay, so we like it. We think it's a good name, we like it, we like it. And that way, you can be like, you know what? Maurice Lester. Go all the way. Name him Maurice Lester. Whatever your last name is. Okay.

Because Moe is short for Maurice. Don't explain why. I know, I'm just saying, but some people may not know. Some people may not know. Think about it. Okay, I think we solved that one. Yeah. Alright, what's our theme for this episode?

... I don't think we have one. Trust your gut. Okay. That's pretty broad. Trust your gut and... Honestly, I can't remember anything that we talked about. ... Call us and let us know what we talked about. I'm showing the present moment. 1-888-EAR-BOD-1

What? Hi Rhett, hi Link. This is Stephanie from Massachusetts calling and I just wanted to share with you that I am your number one fan for the song, Big in a Hole. I listen to it pretty much every day. It's the highlight of a road trip that I go on every week to visit my parents. I love it and I hope you love it.

Have a great day.