Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - Rhett's Wife Jessie Answers Your Questions Unfiltered | Ear Biscuits Ep. 397

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

You’ve heard him talk about her, you’ve heard her sing on James and the Shame, you’ve maybe seen her Twitter, that’s right! Jessie McLaughlin, also known as the Forest Queen has joined the show alongside Little Twig Boy. In this episode, Rhett and his wife Jessie are giving their experiences on a long lasting marriage, their annoying but endearing quirks, and how they would eat a stick. Yes, a stick. Pre-Order The Mythical Cookbook at https://mythical.com/cookbook Don’t put off learning that language - there’s no better time than RIGHT NOW to get started! For a very limited time, you can get Rosetta Stone’s Lifetime Membership for 40% off! That’s $179 for unlimited access to 25 language courses for the rest of your life. Redeem your 40% off at https://rosettastone.com/ear today! To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This, this, this, this is Mythical. This episode is brought to you by Mazda. When you drive a Mazda, you'll find out why RSUVs won more 2024 IIHS Top Safety Picks than any other brand as of June 2024. Find out what makes Mazda different at Mazda.ca. Find out what makes Mazda different at Mazda.ca. Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time. I'm Rhett.

And I'm Jessie. This week at the round table of dim lighting, it's not Link. It's moi. It's my wonderful wife, Jessie Lane McLaughlin. I'm your wife. You might be a little bit confused because Jessie is sitting where I usually sit, which was her request. I don't really understand it.

You don't know why? Can I tell you why I did that? Yeah, I will say you're making me feel a little uncomfortable. And that was the point. This was a power move. Okay. You did it. Because, you know, I'm the guest here.

Although I have been a main character for many years. Oh! Uh-huh. You have, yes. I can't disagree with that. And, you know, you're comfy. When I was nervous about this, you were saying, like, don't worry. It's not a big deal. It's nothing.

And, yeah, it's nothing because you do this literally every day. So are you saying that when somebody is entering into a situation where they might be a little bit nervous, it's not best? I'm just minimizing. I'm just doing what McLaughlins do. We minimize things. If somebody gets hurt, if somebody dies, if somebody is going through something very difficult, we're like, yeah, but yeah, I mean, they look on the bright side. It's not that big of a deal. I just wanted you to feel a sliver of the discomfort that I felt.

Yeah. I'm not used to talking to people on the right side of my face. That's right. And so, you know, it was a power move, and I'm proud of that. Do you feel comfortable? Are you good to go? I actually do feel much more comfortable doing this knowing that you're going to be here because you're going to make me laugh.

Well, don't speak too soon. And that is going to make me feel more like myself instead of being like a weird person that's on camera. The weird person part is fine. We were talking about that. The on camera part's a little tough. Well, let's just pretend that we're just at our house, not in our bedroom. Let's just be in the kitchen, okay? Okay.

We're in the kitchen. I have my tea. And we're just talking. Thank you, Jenna, for making me tea. We find out later that someone is taking the Nest Cam footage and putting it on the internet. But really, we didn't know what we were being filmed. We didn't know what these things

in front of us were, these microphones. Do you know what I mean? front of us were, these microphones. Do you know what I mean? I do, but that sounds like it introduces a whole other set of problems. Who is this person in our kitchen or with access to the cameras in our house? Apparently, it's actually pretty easy to get access to the cams. That's why when I'm at home, I'm always acting as if I am on a TV show. Have you noticed that? I never say or do anything

at home that I would not want captured for a reality television show. It's like, I basically live my life as if I am on Big Brother. And that's one of the things that makes me such a great

life partner, right? Totally, babes. We asked you to ask us, and especially Jessie, questions that we are now going to go through. So, I mean, basically it was

anything. Anything that you wanted to ask. And some are voicemails, some are tweets. fave you want to get started and i'm gonna continue to call them tweets let's just i'm not gonna call them i don't call them whatever the other thing is yeah you want to talk about how you feel about that whole thing not really i don't want to start this off you're mourning the death i am the slow death of twitter i am because and it's been difficult for me to just be a part of. You love Twitter so dang much.

You're so good at it. You really are really good at it. That's very sweet. I don't think that's true, but I think I just care about it more than you. You understand it. I like it. You just don't go to Twitter to look at what people are saying about you like I do. I like how, and I guess this is

really true for any social media app, but for some reason it feels especially true on Twitter that I can look at like news, fashion, find out like some celeb gossip, talk to somebody about their spiritual, what they're going through spiritually. Like, it's such a wide array. Like, I can follow scientists. I just followed this NASA, female NASA engineer. You know, that's exciting. Yeah.

And it's good for somebody with ADHD. But I will say, you're kind of making your, I do think that your Twitter experience is rather sophisticated, but I will say, it is not uncommon for you to show me something from the internet, often Twitter. And it's always very sophisticated, what I show you, right? And you're... It's super sophisticated stuff. I would say that... High level, big brain stuff I'm showing you. I would say 25 to 30% of the time, the thing that you show me is something that is amazing you. That then when you show it to me, I'm like, baby, that's fake.

That is a lie. That's not real. That is a lie. That's CGI. That happened once. That audio was put on there by somebody else. That happened one time. I'm good at spotting fakes.

I thought you were going to say, that's why I was laughing, because I did not think you were going to throw me under the bus. I wasn't. I thought it was going to be a cute thing. I think it's wonderful. I love that about you. I love being able to spot fake things. I thought the thing that you were going to say is that I show you animals doing various things. And I'm like, can you believe this animal is doing this?

But sometimes you show me fake animal things. I think that was like once, like three years ago. Anyway, let's get to the questions. I love the way you use the internet. Thanks, babe. It's very sexy. Yeah, what did you tell me? You said recently you told me I was showing you something.

You said, you know. I said you were amazed by a lot of things. Yeah, and you didn't mean it as a compliment. You said I was amazed by a lot of things, but it felt like a backhanded compliment. It felt like there was a little jab in there. I like being around someone who there's a sense of discovery that is constantly. Sense of wonder. Yeah.

It's a sense of wonder. I really appreciate it. How about we get started with the question? Great. This is from Twitter. This is Justabel. What do you find annoying, let's get started with that, but secretly endearing about the other? Annoying, but secretly endearing.

Now, I had a tough time with this one. Oh, I'm sure you did. I don't find you annoying. I don't find you annoying either. I really enjoy your company. I feel't find you annoying. I really enjoy your company. We have a really good time together. We like dating one another. We like traveling together. But, of course, we've been married for how many?

23? Two. We're coming up on 23 this year. 22 years. And so, of course, I mean, there are things that eventually may become annoying. But, well, you want to go first? No, I want you to go first. Okay.

And again, annoying but secretly endearing. I just want to clarify that. So, when Jesse is talking on the phone to someone. I'm not sure what you're going to say. Okay. I'm just going to sit over here and drink my tea. Sometimes it goes like this. She gets on the phone, and then all of a sudden, it's like, oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh no. Kind of like that. I'm probably not doing it as well as she does it. Well that's true. And then I'm like, who died? Who died? Because obviously someone very close to this person died, or they were in a horrible accident, or they just got a horrible diagnosis. And then you get off the phone, and I'm like, what happened? And you're like, Christy stubbed her toe.

And then other times, other times, you'll be on the phone, and you're like, oh, no, I'm so happy for you. Oh, that is wonderful. That is so wonderful. I am so happy for you. Oh, that brings me a lot of joy. And then I'm like, okay, all right, somebody won the lottery. Somebody got a promotion. How many people do we know that have won the lottery. Somebody got a promotion.

How many people do we know that have won the lottery? None, but I don't know, but it seems that way. Something incredible has happened. And then I'm like, what happened? And you're like, Christy found her keys. So what I mean by this is that you are so expressive, and you are so empathetic on the phone, and in life in general, that, of course, the thing that's annoying about it is I feel like every time you fool me, every time I'm like,

what is it going to be? And then it's something rather insignificant, which is, you know what? The reason it's endearing is because it's way better than not being emphatic and empathetic. Emphatic. And also, this is not what I give people when they talk to me on the phone. That is true. If you're listening to me talk on the phone, it's like, okay, either someone died or he's like changing the nature of his cell phone service. You know, you don't know.

There's a lot of, mm-hmm. I'm a businessman. Link's the boy, I'm the businessman. So I keep it all business when I'm on the phone. I have something to say about you being a businessman Hold on, but I think it's Again, I think it's wonderful I love the fact that you

No, and I think I end up I end up using this In the context of our coupleness Because sometimes I'm like Okay, somebody's telling us This in person Somebody's telling us something Right now that's difficult or great. And I just know that Jesse's going to give everything they need.

And so I can kind of just nod. And it has handicapped me a little bit. I do believe, I believe that maybe when I'm, when I have someone, something happened to someone that's good or bad and I'm the only one there, I start panicking a little bit. But I think that was happening before I came on the picture. Yeah. My family is not great at this particular thing. I am not talking about your family.

No, no. I'm just saying that, like, again, we could be pretty stoic is what I'm saying. Like, you know. And so, but we're all learning. We're all trying to get better at it. Now, what about me? What's annoying about me? Lots of things.

No. One thing I have realized that I just want to preemptively apologize for is that I am swiveling in this chair a lot. I think me having a swivel chair is probably a bad idea. So if it's making anybody nauseous, I'm sorry, but it is soothing me. So, you know, I think this is a common thing. We're driving in the car. You-oh. You're driving. Yeah. Because you always like to drive. Yeah. Uh-huh. Well, I'd have something to hold on to.

And. Steering wheel. I'm doing something on my phone. Looking at amazing things on the internet. Being amazed left and right. Or being very empathizing with someone on the phone. Being very empathizing with someone on the phone. And we drive past something, often an animal, a cow, or a house, or an interesting— Are you getting a phone call?

I think I am. I turned my phone off. Why don't you answer and empathize with this person? Why don't we get a real-time demonstration of how good you can make somebody, how cared for you can make someone feel? Do you want to turn your phone on and do not disturb? I can. I can do that. Should I get up and do that? Because this lady gets all kinds of phone calls.

Well, if you empathize with people, you get phone calls. She's a businesswoman. She runs her own business, and she's constantly on the phone. We took that trip to Big Sur. We were on the road for six hours. You were a business lady and things up over there for three and a half hours. I was like, I got to just sit here and listen to the one side of a business conversation. How the turns have tabled. Huh. Huh.

Yeah, I don't like to take my work with me to Big Sur. Huh. Uh-huh. You want me to turn my phone off or not? I think it's fine. I don't think I'll get another call. If I get another call. If you get another call, we'll turn it off. Then I'll turn it off. Okay.

What were we talking about? Okay, yes. So there's something that in the immediate environment that we're passing that you think is noteworthy. Yeah. And you will say to me, look at that. But when you say it and I don't,

you know, I'm a slow processor. I'm a little bit of a slow processor. I didn't play like basketball. But I'm just asking you to look at something. No, no, no. But sometimes it takes me a second. I'm not asking you to comprehend. And then you might, there's a very specific spot. So you'll say, look at that. And I'll just look at the first spot that I'm thinking you're talking about. But no, there's a specific spot, an exact amount in the distance that you want me to look at. And then you get very frustrated if I do not look at it immediately.

And there's a little bit of shaming happening. I don't believe that. That I am not already in the car looking at everything you're looking at, waiting for you to say. But first of all, I'm driving. Do you also see this? But it might be, look at that tree that looks just like a goat. Look at that.

No, that one. Right, but maybe that's what you are looking at because you're driving, and that's an experience for you. And my experience might be digital. But I want to share my experience with you. Well, and this is exactly why I find it. See, I've reframed this now. 22 years into our marriage.

You know, there's that Gottman Institute stuff that I'm a big fan of about relationships, communication, marriage. communication, marriage. And they're the ones who did the study where they could tell you within like nine minutes or seven minutes of watching couples talk on film, on video, if they would, how likely they were to stay together. And there's some just things, ways in which we communicate that. Is it like touching like this helps? I mean, I'm sure that's nice. I don't think that's one of the things. If there's caressing like this. I do like it though. Then that means you're going to stay together.

I like it when you caress my arm. Oh, let's not do that. Okay. So I've reframed this because one of the things they talk about is in relationships are bids for connection. Yes. So it can be with your kids. It can be with your spouse. It can be with a friend. You know, when you say, hey, Jesse, look at that cow.

Look at those cows over there. Sometimes I just say, cows. Right, right. Got a shorthand. Sometimes I just say the thing. The implication is, please look at it. And I don't look up. What you're actually saying in that moment is,

connect with me. Yes. See what I see. My love language is is look at that. That's right. And so now, instead of being like, oh my gosh, he thinks what he's looking at is the most important thing. It's more important than what I'm doing. I'm like, wow, he is wanting to connect with me as he's driving down the road.

I get lonely over there navigating the world if you do business. And I see things like we went to Big Sur, and on the way we passed the lavender fields, and the lavender's dead at this point. But there's lots of signs about lavender tea and lavender gifts. You are very interested and enamored by the pistachios farm. The wonderful, that's the brand name. We passed through the wonderful pistachio farm. And they had pistachios.

They had just trees and trees and trees. And then they had new places that they were growing little baby pistachio trees. I was just so fascinated by that. Yeah, and you wanted to share your fascination. And it's the same. It's actually the same as me saying, look at this crazy giant squid that they found. But that's why I tell you about things in real life because those pistachio trees are not fake. They were real.

And that's one of the ways we know that they were real is we were driving by them. And so what I'm doing is I'm trying to... This is not a bid for connection. I'm giving you an opportunity to learn. Telling someone that they look at fake things, that they show you fake things, that's not a bid for connection. You see those trees?

That's not Photoshopped. That's real life. And if you start learning the difference between Photoshopped things and real life things, then nobody can dupe you. I'm just worried about you getting duped. Okay? If somebody sends you a picture of me doing something that's clearly Photoshopped, you got to be able to spot it.

This sounds like you're preparing for some preparing me to get some kind of bad pictures here's the thing is that cgi and ai i know about ai and the conversion i know about ai because uh there was a period where that is i know about ai because i'm a person who lives in the world and i read things. You've seen a movie or two. But there was also a period where every date we went out on, the only thing that you would talk about is AI and how concerned you were and what we were going to do about it. And we're not going to do anything about AI. We are going to be AI'd in whatever way that means. Okay. next question.

Okay, would you like to do a voicemail? Yes. Let's do that. We have that capability as well. Hey, Rhett and Jessie. My name is Mia, and I've been married for about four years, coming up this November. Mia and I've been married for about four years coming up this November but um you know we all know the secret to well not so secret to a long-lasting marriage is communication loyalty

all that good stuff but I wanted to see if you guys had any secrets for the little things or silly things that you think has made your marriage last so long and keep it fun. Thanks, guys. Bye. So watch this. I'm going to do a kind of a cool professional podcast thing. And I'm going to say, we'll answer that question in a minute. I'm just trying to impress my wife. But first, do you know about this? I don't know if you know about this. Well, tell me. You do know that we're releasing a cookbook. Yes, you know about this? I don't know if you know about this. Well, tell me. You do know that we're releasing a cookbook. Yes, I know about this.

Yes. So this is something that everybody out there in Mythical land has requested time and time again. When are you guys going to have a cookbook? I mean, you're making all these, not us, but Josh and the team are making all these incredible recipes. When are we going to have a cookbook? And we're like, well, when we can do it right. You know how we do things at Mythical? We don't like to be first.

We like to be third or fourth and then do it right. And so the Mythical cookbook, written by Josh with the support of the entire Mythical Kitchen team. This thing, of course, features a lot of the fan favorite recipes that we have enjoyed on the show and then a lot of new stuff that they have developed you know they've been i mean it's like a lab over there i mean it's like a kitchen but it's like a very scientific kitchen yeah you actually came home telling me how good the cookbook was going to be and how excited you were and how i'm not

and how we were going to have to make everything in the cookbook. Well, because I went to the photo shoot, which was very fun. We did a really awesome photo shoot. The visuals in the cookbook are going to be incredible. And also the cover, which I'm on. I mean, but so is Josh and so is Link and so is a lot of food. And we had a lot of mythical people inside this photo shoot, but also just the way the food looks. We had to have the food there, and we were eating the food in some of the shots,

and it's just so good. They do such a good job. And now you can do that at home, and you can pre-order. This thing doesn't come out until March of next year, but you can pre-order it so you will get it in the mail as soon as you possibly can. It also helps with sales numbers if you pre-order it. So do that.

Mythical.com slash cookbook. We made it very simple. Mythical.com slash cookbook. You can go over and pre-order it right now. And also, as we've been asking you lately, if you enjoy this podcast, not just this particular episode, which I'm sure you are because-

But especially this one. Because I have a much better co-host this week. But if you enjoy this podcast in general, please rate it and review it wherever you enjoy it. That's also very helpful. Hey, get a Best Buy gift card of up to $200 on select phone activations with major carriers. Visit your nearest Best Buy store today. Terms and conditions apply. See how I did that? That was so good. Did you find it a little bit sexy?

Yes. Thank you. Okay, Jessie, do you remember the question i do i got it's like a lock box in there the little things yeah not the obvious things right like communication and loyalty boring what are the little things the silly things that are a secret to a long-lasting relationship? You want to start or you want me to? I'm just teeing it up for you. So many. First of all, I would like to preface this by saying I like to preface a lot of things because I don't want to be misunderstood.

I will not give advice. None of this is advice. I think that there are very few people that I'm... No, there are a lot of people I'm willing to take advice from. I shouldn't say that. I just don't want to be one of the people who gives advice. I will say what has been helpful in our relationship. Every situation is different. Thank you for catching that. Yep. In our relationship, I think, and this is actually, I think this goes back, everything goes back to the Gottman Institute, of little affirmations, little positive things.

When you come home from work, I always feel really happy to see you, and we usually give each other a hug or a kiss. Mm-hmm. And it weaves positive interactions. Even if after that I'm like, this happened today, or I'm pissed, or why did you do this? Like, it started off in a safe, positive place. And I think when there are a lot of those, when you have those in the bank, it creates a level of comfort and trust and safety. Hmm.

That was a great answer. It almost sounded like advice. It was not advice. Just so you realize. FYI. No, not advice. It was not advice. Just so you realize.

FYI. No, not advice. I don't necessarily know if this is... Well, I'll ask you if you perceive this as a good thing, because sometimes it might feel a little bit like an escape hatch from a difficult situation. But, well, the nature, and I've talked about this on the podcast quite a bit, the nature of our conflict over the course of our marriage

is, I don't know, I'm just spitballing here in terms of like, as it is compared to the average couple, probably high frequency, amplitude right there tends to you most couples tend to be on one side of that sometimes there's like we never fight but when we do you better watch out or we have lots of little disagreements but very rarely like a big blow up which we're a little bit more on that side, because we both kind of speak our minds. So it isn't unusual in a given week of interactions for me to do something that makes you mad, right?

And I have found that if I can make you laugh in that moment, it's very helpful to me. Yeah, no, I think. And I feel like it's like the button that I push a lot. I love that. I think laughter is like one of the most, being silly. We talked about this recently, how being silly is one of the most healing things. And I think especially in the middle of discomfort there's a way to be silly which is bypassing an

actual hard conversation it's like not listening to somebody I think you and I are at the point where we're like I if if you're being silly and it feels like a bypass, I would just say that. But I think usually it can just bring you back to the love you have for that person. And I think most things are not that serious. Yeah, I wouldn't do this if it was like a real serious thing. Right. But there are times when you'll get mad about something and I'll do an impersonation of you. Which might, it might seem, me saying that might sound like it feels patronizing or minimizing. Well, I think the thing that's funny is I get mad and you kind of like it.

Yeah, I kind of do. You don't, you're not scared of me getting mad. That has, in our relationship, we've always had like, we talk about stuff. I like your passion. We talk stuff out and we sometimes. But we get very real. We do.

I'm not trying to not make it real. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Anyway, so I don't know if that, again, I don't know if that was advice. And if it was, I don't know if it was good advice. Well, I mean, it's annoying. When your partner gets mad at you today, laugh at them or make them laugh. It diffuses that.

Sometimes it can diffuse. Laughter can diffuse that. If it backfires, though, it's bad. And you didn't tell him to do it if it backfires. You got to know when to pull the trigger. Okay. laughter can diffuse if it backfires though it's bad and you didn't tell him to do it you gotta know when to pull the trigger okay this is

this question is kind of in the same vein but the thing I'm interested in is the second part of the question okay

so we can give a fresh answer this is from validity XP on Twitter after being married for so many years how do you keep the romance fresh or This is from Validity XP on Twitter. After being married for so many years, how do you keep the romance fresh? Or were there periods of zero romance and how did you overcome those?

Periods of zero romance. Do you recall any of these? I do. Fleeting moments? I do. Fleeting moments? I do. I mean, I think we've had, you know, this is in any marriage. My mom would say it's like the ocean. You know, there are waves, and you kind of have to learn to ride the waves.

And I love that because we have this idea. I mean, I don't think anybody actually has this idea that it's always perfect, but I think the longer you're married, the more you see that there are, it's kind of like seasons and hopefully it doesn't last as long as an actual season does. But I do remember specifically,

I think it was 2017. I spent a lot of that year mad at you. Hmm. Maybe it was 2017 going into 2018. I'm trying to, I probably started in 2017. That was the year you were working a lot a lot yeah that was a rough year and it there was uh you had everything you regularly do gmm all of that but then you guys but the gmm was the gmm 22 it was when we were doing the five or five episodes a day basically and for a really long period of time we were shooting multiple things every single day without without pausing but then on top of that you were writing a book you were touring you were was it buddy system also there was a buddy system season in there it was any of those one things would have been enough. It was too much.

And that was the year you started having the thing in your eye that World War II vets have, where they start, or they first saw it in World War II. Central serous retinopathy. Yeah. And you started kind of, your eyesight was being affected. Couldn't see in the middle of one eye. Right. But I had another one.

Uh-huh. And they said, the doctor was like, well, you need to reduce your stress. And I said, you're going to therapy. Oh, we did. you're going to therapy. Oh, we need that. And so that had already begun, began that year. Uh-huh.

But then you were on tour. It was Valentine's Day and you were in London. And I was going through some hard transitions with the kids, going through some stuff. And I was eating like really bad pizza. Mm-hmm. London, come on, y'all. And it was a personally really challenging time for me, and it was coming on the end of like the year had been challenging before.

And you sent me a huge bouquet of yellow roses and now thank you for your service this is this is i don't know i might be i might be perceived as a bitch after this or like as a spoiled i don't know you can't do that. But at that point, we had been married, what, 18 years, 17 years? And one of the things that you should have known about me, and I think you did, was that, like, I'm not a huge flowers girl, but I'm especially not really a roses girl. Double whammy. Uh-huh.

And it felt. But they were yellow. And yellow, I don't know where yellow came from. Yellow was fine. Yellow is not my favorite color. Yellow is not, you know. Well, I'll explain in a little bit. Okay.

So I, it really just gutted me. You did not feel seen. I did not feel seen. It wasn't like some flowers might be some roses, yellow roses might be somebody's romantic dream. You know, for me, it was like, I feel like I've been holding down the fort all year long with a semi-absent husband. You were doing the best you could, but it was a lot. And he is not here on Valentine's Day. And not only is he not here,

he's sending me something that you could literally send to anyone on the street. Like, you don't have to know anything about a person to send them these yellow roses. And in fact, it kind of means you haven't been listening at all. And so. So it wasn't a romantic gesture. I did not feel romanced by that gesture. And we actually told you I was going to talk about this because this was a hard thing.

So I don't want everybody to think. Let's act like I didn't know. Okay. I'm so surprised you're sharing this. I think you called me. I don't know. But I basically said, I will speak to you in a therapist's office. I had never heard anything like that.

I will not speak to you until then. And, you know, I am not a proponent of, like, game playing. If somebody's out of town and just saying, like, I'm not going to speak to you. But it was kind of a crisis point for us. Maybe we'll probably have more. But that I feel like when I look back in our marriage, that was a really big point because there was a way that we had both been doing things, me included. I mean, I am a pretty emotionally needy person. And I think I was looking to have a lot of my needs met in you.

And while that's normal, wanting your spouse to meet emotional needs, I think I wasn't doing the personal work. At least I hadn't been for some years. At that point, I had started therapy. You'd been in for a couple years figuring out I was I was a newbie trying to figure out what my own stuff was well and I one of the things too and this is looking back on that on that time sometimes when you uh have been uh I mean first of all we both have been changing and growing over the course of our entire lives, right? It wasn't until, it wasn't like, oh, and up until we got to therapy, like, there was no personal growth at all. Right.

But I think that sometimes when it comes to therapy or anything that is beneficial for someone's personal growth, you kind of lose perspective. They're like, I don't know what's, I don't know what's changing about me. I can't perceive the change. But when you tell this story, it definitely feels like you're talking about a different person. Right? So first of all, to further contextualize it in your defense, so people don't develop this idea that it was like,

oh, I got the wrong gift. And then you said, I'll only talk to you in a therapist's office, which if you just take a surface level analysis of this, that might be what you walk away with. But the reality was, is that it was a very difficult time. I was leaving you to deal with a lot of things on your own as it relates to our family. There wasn't a lot of connection. I knew already that you were having a difficult time. I was having a difficult time with being so busy. And then I knew I was going to be across the country on Valentine's Day. So I had plenty of time to prepare, and I think that you had set up an expectation. Well, this is an opportunity. Again, some people are like, I don't believe in, you know, card company-created holidays or whatever. But it was an opportunity to express my love to you, but more so specifically to show you that I saw you and

appreciated you. And then I did this thing that did not communicate that. So now just very briefly in my defense, just give you a little bit of what I was thinking. So I knew you didn't really, really like flowers. I didn't know that. The thing I knew you really didn't like was potted plants because I made that mistake really early in our marriage with getting you a very unromantic Which now I would probably prefer a potted plant to flowers.

You would now. But I knew you didn't really like flowers a whole lot and I knew you didn't really like roses that much. But when I went to the website for this place. Yeah, because it was definitely a website.

You did not go in person anywhere. Anyway, go ahead. Right there at the top of the website, there was this incredibly impressive, and it wasn't that it was a bouquet of roses. It was that they had somehow put the roses into a sphere, a spherical shape. Have you seen this thing?

It's quite phenomenal. It's, a spherical shape. Have you seen this thing? It's quite phenomenal. It's not a bouquet. It's like there's a thing on the bottom and then they've made the roses into a, and it looked bigger on the website

than apparently it was. No, it was big. It was really, it was a big. It's a big sphere. It was a big sphere of something that I did not like.

Right, right, right. No, but I'm just telling you. I'm sure it was expensive too. I apologize and I will, right. No, but I'm just telling you. I'm sure it was expensive, too. I apologize, and I will get back to it, but I'm just telling you, I wasn't a complete dingbat. I was sort of like, this thing is very impressive,

and I think you have to use roses to make this thing. And so I got to the place where I was focusing on the wrong thing, and I quit seeing it as a bouquet of roses and saw it as a flower sphere that was very impressive to me personally. Which I know what I'm getting you for Valentine's Day this year.

And I thought that you would like this rose basketball. And that you would be like, that's pretty impressive. Because I love basketball. And it was like one of the more expensive things there. So I was like, well, this is. And then the reason I got yellow is because I was like, well, getting her the red ones, I know she doesn't even really like roses, but most roses are red. But if I get her yellow roses, maybe they'll pass as something else in this sphere. It was, I'm not, I'm just telling you, I shouldn't have done it.

But there was a convoluted thought process. There are much worse things. I think it was emblematic of where our relationship was. There's a million different things I could have done. Yes. And also there's a million different things I could have done leading up to it to show my care. So anyway, what I ended up doing was like we did not talk on the phone for maybe three days while I was overseas, which was highly unusual for us to not touch base every single day if we're traveling if I'm

traveling you know we have our little check-in and um then I was like kind of scrambling because I was like what am I gonna do what am I gonna do I can't make her laugh from over here you know so I ended up finding a cool shirt you did You went to a vintage store and got me a shirt that I loved and still have. I mean, the shirt didn't fix it. It wasn't the shirt that fixed it. We ended up having a session. A few, I think, or at least one. Yeah. That was actually, we had some breakthroughs. And I think one of the breakthroughs was we were both already having individual breakthroughs. And that was one of the things that my therapist had said early on when I talked about some of our marital, the things that we struggled with, was that he felt like it would be more beneficial in the beginning for us to work on our own individual issues and that that would spill over into the marriage. And I kind of didn't believe him.

That seemed crazy to me. And it was true. And I think the benefit for me was that for both of us was that we were both working on things individually. was that for both of us was that we were both working on things individually. I think it would have to be really hard to be in a relationship where, you know, only one party was willing to do the work because it's hard. And there are many days where I say, I feel like I've grown enough. I don't feel like I need to grow anymore. I'm tired. I just want to get in bed. I don't want to face the stuff inside of myself that is gross or is scary or, but anyway, having somebody who is also doing the work and looking at the things that, things that are challenging or the things that are hard. And, I mean, you did that.

Like I think one of the big epiphanies that you had during that time is we had always had this idea that when hard things were happening in our little family or with me, that somehow work also happened to be really busy. And that was just weird how that happened. It always synced up like that. And then I think what you saw is because work is something you're really good at and you know how to do, you would actually maybe retreat into work instead of face the things that were hard in our relationship. Because kind of like what we talked about earlier, maybe the emotional plane is one

that can be a little more challenging for you. I don't think that's true anymore. Like, I really, when you say you feel think that's true anymore. Like I really, when you say you feel like that was a different person, I kind of feel that way too. Because I think the way that you have in the past few years done so much work to be able to be present emotionally and to be vulnerable, even though that's a hard word for you to say. I don't say it.

The V word. Vulnerable. Did I say it wrong? It is hard to imagine that specific scenario unfolding for a number of reasons. I mean, first of all, I just know I'm never gonna get you a rose basketball again. Like specifically, I'll never do that again.

But also I think that, well, practically speaking, Link and I have gotten better about not over committing to things. Um, we still work very hard, but it's not just a maddening amount of things all at once. And it was, there was a couple of years there, 2017 might have be the pinnacle of just the number of things that converged.

Well, and I think I've done work around, like I do think gift giving is a big thing for me and because I really like to give gifts and, and I think because our relationship felt challenging in other ways, I was, I was putting all of this expectation around whatever gift you gave me, that that would somehow be a way that you saw me. And like giving gifts is not easy for everybody. And, you know, people, some people don't care. You don't really care about gift giving. And so I think as we've worked on the other parts of our relationship and they're more secure, I also am not needing the gift that you give me at a holiday to be. It's not a test. It's not a test.

It's not a test that I'm supposed to pass or whatever. And it wasn't then either. But yeah. And I think that we're just a lot more on the same page right now. And a lot of it has to do with the fact that it does have to do with the fact that we're in therapy. And so and then we talk to each other about the things that, what did you talk about in therapy today? And we kind of, we have a different kind of connection. Our connection is stronger.

And I kind of feel like I know where you're at in any given time more so than I did six years ago for a number of reasons. But enough about that. Let's talk about my music career. But enough about that Let's talk about My music career One question Because In

Very rewarding ways My little venture Into James and the Shame Has been able to involve you And it's been a way That we've been able To work together In a way that we

Always kind of wanted to But never had Worked together Mythical Miss B Says What is your this is for you, what is your favorite James and the Shamed track from Human Overboard? And will we get to hear you on the new EP?

When does this come out? What date does this come out, Jamie? On 10-9. Okay, all right, okay. So, yeah, so at the end of this week, we get to talk a little bit about something here. Or you do. Well, my favorite track is the last song on Human Overboard. It's not the one that's about you?

I do love that, but that seems kind of like egomaniacal if I say that. And I also love the one about our kids. But the last song— That you also sing on. Yes. Letters. Old letters. Old letters.

I cry sometimes when I listen to that song. Hmm. because I think it just really encompasses the person you were and the person you are and how they're very much the same person and not the same person at all. all. And I think, you know, you kind of went through that little bit of an angry atheist phase early on. And I think anytime you go through any kind of you go through any kind of spiritual or major like paradigm shift, often you do kind of go, people go through an angry phase. And I don't think all atheists are angry. So I'm not, this is not saying if you're an atheist, you're angry.

I do not believe that. But I think yours was specifically stemming from just some of the pain that you were dealing with. And I think as you've gotten further from that, there's, I think for both of us, there is an openness, more of a spiritual openness, and more of a peace, and less of having a view on things that is a reaction to an old view and more of a, like, what, where am I right now? As opposed to, you know, what am I reacting against because of where I was? And I think old letters, it ends with that openness. And sometimes that makes me cry. Well, thank you for saying that. And we will hear you.

Yes. On the new EP. And we will hear you on the new EP. The song that comes out, if you're listening to this on the week of October 9th, I think it's the 13th. Is that right? Is that what I said? It comes out on the 13th. Is a song all about you.

You don't sing on that one. Actually, I did a six song EP and two of the songs are about you. That's a pretty good percentage. It's probably a little excessive. I'll take it. It's kind of excessive, 33.33333% of my songs on this album are about you. We had a seventh song that we were singing together that we just never quite cracked. And time ran out.

That will probably be on something in the future. But the second song that would just be a part of the EP is about you, and you do sing on it, and you sound so good. But it's funny because the song – I talked about this at some point on a previous Ear Biscuit when I was talking about the songwriting process and how sometimes things come, sometimes songs come very, very quickly, almost fully formed. was based on an experience that we had together of me kind of finding you and saying that you're the one I always love to find. And then realizing as I said it, oh, that's a good country song.

I think I actually said that. I think I told you that sounds like a song. Okay. All right. Well, you made it seem like it was my thoughts. Okay, all right. Well, you made it seem like it was my thoughts. And then we got, I got back home,

and the song came to me fully formed, like basically melody and first verse and chorus, like in the shower. And it's like, okay, I'm just singing this song. And then got out of the shower, clothed myself, and wrote the song. And so that one's for you. It's about you.

But I wanted it to be very like this is just my thought about you given to you, so I'm not going to ask you to sing on it. It just had a purity to it. That's really sweet. But I've enjoyed working with you in that capacity. And also us like, you know, getting to perform together like we did it at mythicon no it's been it's been a nice it's been a big nice and big thing that's very descriptive a nice and big thing for me uh to i don't know i, I've had to deal with a lot of like my performance anxiety. I was a music major and performed as a kid a lot and was a little theater kid.

And then as an adult kind of retreated and didn't do a lot of that. And so it's been, I think, healing for me to revisit that in a different way, in a different space, and figure out how I relate to that part of myself. Well, I've had a lot of fun with you. I had fun with you. Thank you for asking me and saying about me. Thank you for saying yes. Wherever you're going, you better believe American Express will be right there with you. Heading for adventure? We'll help you breeze through security.

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Need a great reason to get up in the morning? Well, what about two? Right now get a small organic fair trade coffee and a tasty bacon and egg or breakfast sandwich for only $5 at A&W's in Ontario. Okay. Let's do another Twitter question. I'm turning.

This is from Sam. I'm turning 40 in February and it's freaking me out. Not so much the getting old part, but the running out of time for things part. I feel like my church background made me miss a lot of things. So I guess my question is, what advice do you have for what ifs of turning 40? Hey, Sam, I think I met Sam at Mythicon. Okay. Hey, Sam. I think I met Sam at Mythicon. I love this question because when I turned 40, I had a mini existential crisis for sure. It was 2020, the last year we had spent in the house with COVID. Everybody was in the house for most of that year, not us specifically. was in the house for most of that year, not specifically.

But I just, it was like I could not accept that I was going to be 40. This thing that had always seemed so far away was upon me, and I didn't know how to deal with it. Well, and when we were growing up, Link and I were talking about this the other day When our parents or our parents' friends turned 40 They would do the Laude, laude Right

Diane's turning 40 Party Which had the over the hill cake Over the hill Everything Everything is black Yes, the funeral Right, totally

It's like I mean, listen We were in the South in like the 80s So people would be dropping left and right in their 40s That's horrible But, I mean, listen, we were in the South in like the 80s. So people would be dropping left and right in the 40s. But I mean, that doesn't happen anymore. Well, that happens. That does still happen. But I do think that 40 is not old.

And I do think that like we have a different, I don't know. I do think that like we have a different, I don't know, we think of adulthood and of aging differently than we used to. But I do think that there is a lot to be said for grieving what could have been. and that can be in in any in tons of there's tons of examples of this whether it's like a job that you maybe could have had that you didn't or a relationship or children or a house that you love that you missed out on or whatever And I think that process for me, because I definitely relate to that, you know, I mean, I took a very specific path based on the culture that I was in and what I thought I had always wanted. You know, I was a homeschool mom. I was moved across the country to support my husband's career.

Like, it was a very others-focused first part of my life, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Like, I think that's beautiful. And I think there comes a point where you're like man do I know myself did I miss out on me what are the things I could have been doing that I didn't do um and so I think well because in in the culture that we come from um a woman deciding to pursue some of those things that are her interests, pursue her dreams, follow her curiosity, those things are deemed selfish. Well, and I don't think that's – Whereas a lot of times those are the things that are –

I'm just saying. Right. I don't think it's true across the board. Nobody gets mad at the man for following his curiosity. Right. And so I had to – I think allowing yourself that time to grieve. Like, it's one of those things that there's no way around it. You just have to go through it.

And so really giving yourself the time and the space to be like, man, this is hard. I am sad. I don't know what that life was that could have been, like the country song, what might have been. I don't even like country music, except for James and the Shame. But the flip side of that is, you know, you don't know what hard and tough and bad things happen that you could have happened that you missed out on, too. So that works. That goes both ways. And then the other thing I like to think about is that I'm as young as I'll ever be from here on out. And that great poet SZA says, half of us chase in the fountain of youth and it's in the present now.

And I'm young. I'm 42. And I'm a little baby. And when I am 90, this was a – I was listening to a podcast recently and they were giving tricks. It's hidden brain. They're giving tricks for savoring how you savor the present and how we make our life last longer and how we motivate ourselves to do things that sometimes we don't want to do. to do things that sometimes we don't want to do. And one way is to play a trick, a time trick on our mind and to pretend that like we are our 90-year-old self. My 90-year-old self gets the chance to come back and sit at this table with you right

now. Yeah, I've used it before too, but it was very confirming to hear it in this podcast. I've used it before, too, but it was very confirming to hear it in this podcast. But like how if 90-year-old Jesse was in this body right now, what would – I would think I'm young and vibrant and I would think I had the whole – my whole life ahead of me. Right. And so moving forward, I just want to savor the moment and be excited about the possibilities. That is a great answer. There's very little to add. Think about the what now, not the what ifs.

How about another voicemail? I'm going to make you stick around for a little bit because we don't get this opportunity very often to talk to you. because we don't get this opportunity very often to talk to you. Hey, Red and Jesse. My name is Sandra from Jersey. I love GMM and Ear Biscuits. Okay. So I was raised in a very religious household.

I went to 12 years of Catholic school, followed by four years at Catholic college. Should be noted, around 10th grade, I personally stopped being religious, although I was still in that lifestyle until I graduated college. My question for you guys is, how do you navigate family members? Honestly, I get so angry sometimes. I just want to go into it with them but they're not listening and I'm just making myself sick with anger or what have you I want to respect their beliefs but they refuse to respect mine but I still want to be the bigger person and not let it get to me.

So is there any advice that you would give me? Cool. Thank you. You want me to go or do you want to go? Why don't you? I like listening to you talk. I like listening to you talk. I think I would broaden this question to just include talking to anybody that we disagree with or that is coming from a different place than us.

It doesn't have to be family. It could be friends. It could be neighbors. Obviously, anyone that has a different perspective. And especially now, I mean, we are very, very polarized in this country. And it's something I think about a lot and I fail at a lot is talking to people who see the world differently than I do. And, you know, I talk about it in therapy a lot. I am – I like to think of myself as like passionate and fiery. And my therapist has used words like combative. And I don't know that he said aggressive, but similar words.

Uh-huh. And so it's been interesting for me to be able to kind of step outside of myself and see that part of me because I always kind of thought I was like this very, this rule follower who is very submissive and that part of me, because I always kind of thought I was like this very, this rule follower who is very submissive, and that is in me. And then this whole other person is in me too, who's like down to debate. And, you know, when I was an evangelical, that looked a very specific way. And I think I have kind of just transferred some of that passion now to the other side. And so I've been taking that apart a lot in my own work and questioning why I do that and why does it sometimes do I come away from those conversations. I had a conversation last week with a guy, not a family member, but a guy that, you know,

we disagreed on some pretty big things. And I can often come away from those conversations feeling like they were pointless or they actually did more harm than good. And while, sure, it's great to stand up for what you believe in, and I think people have to, you know, in. And I think people have to, you know, it's really important to me to stand up for marginalized people or for injustice. But there is a way to do that, that, as my mom would say, she uses this phrase and I love it, takes a chunk out of you. Sometimes we get into these debates with people and you walk away feeling like wounded. And so one thing I'm working with, I mean, the biggest thing I would say about this is like, I'm the problem. And when I'm in these debates, they're like signs pointing me back to the stuff that I have to work on in myself. If I'm triggered by something somebody says and things are triggering, people say triggering things.

healthy of a place I am, the more I'm able to actually listen and actually be curious and see that person as the way that I want to be seen. I don't want to be seen as a set of ideologies and beliefs. I want to be seen as a full person with hopes and dreams and a history and wounds and, you know, who's trying to grow, but who's fucking it up a lot. But I want there to be grace for me as a person who is also able to change. grace for me as a person who is also able to change. And I hope I keep changing. I hope I keep growing. I hope I don't get so stuck in any of my ways that I can't see myself and others for who they really are. So I think for me, when I have those conversations, I'm trying to get better at really being curious and seeing whoever I'm speaking to as a full three-dimensional, four-dimensional person. I don't know how many dimensions we're in. Who is worthy of love and respect and deserves to be heard.

Well said. And I think that, you know, for me and you, obviously, it's not like we are – it's not the same as if you are a marginalized person. If you're a queer person and you're having a debate with your family trying to legitimize your own existence or a relationship you're in, your identity, that's a very personal thing, right? But for most of the conversations, especially a conversation like, if I'm having a conversation with somebody,

I don't check any of the marginalized boxes, right? I don't know if long hair and beard is one of them, but I don't think it is. It is not. Maybe really tall. No, that is not. Even that. That's an asset. All right.

So I don't check any of the marginalized boxes. Please. Lord. Any debate that I get into about any of these hot button issues that everyone wants to talk about, The fate that I get into about any of these hot button issues that everyone wants to talk about, the thing that I'm thinking in the moment is like, you think me and you are going to solve, like you and me, whoever you might be, you think we're going to solve this issue right now? And actually, do you think that that's what this conversation is about? Because most of the time it feels like an argument is about two people trying to justify their own their own beliefs right they're not really interested in changing their mind and so and usually there's a fear behind a very passionate belief it's like what do you like what

do you really what are you actually scared of that drives the passion about this particular thing and I mean I think I think you have to be, and it's a very fine line to walk between using that as an excuse to not engage in issues. And this is what you're saying, that is like coming to any of these issues realizing that we aren't we aren't going to solve it don't get me wrong this doesn't keep me from debating these issues i can't help it if somebody brings something up but i try to see it in a different way and be like okay well um I actually think he would be more fruitful to make a connection, to make a connection, right? Because if I can say, let's not talk about this exact thing right now. Can I ask you a personal question? Can I ask you about something

that's going on in your life? Because if our relationship ends up boiling down to our difference in opinion on this thing, then that becomes the subject of most of our interactions. That's not a relationship. So we need to have a relationship so we can develop mutual love and respect so that then we can maybe have a fruitful discussion about something that is actually like seeking to understand the other person, not just trying to go into the defensive. And again, I say this as someone who's not, I'm not defending, I'm not being oppressed. I'm not defending anything. So, but, and I will say

when I get into these debates, my MO is going to be to try to identify where the power imbalance lies and where the marginalized person is in this situation and root for them. That typically, you end up being right most of the time, I think, if that's the way you follow these things. Well, I think too, as we talk about this in therapy, the energy is, it's such a like, whatever, woo idea, but yet continues to be true in my life. My sister and I always talk about how energy doesn't lie. And, you know, when the energy behind me debating someone to be right, which I have done much of my life and continue to do and I'm actively working on not doing it that way and failing. I'm working on it and failing.

But the energy behind that is very different from the energy behind seeking to understand. The energy behind seeing somebody as a project whose mind you have to change is very different from like seeing somebody as this full person who's worthy of love, even if you disagree. this full person who's worthy of love, even if you disagree. And so I do think when you look at the people who have made the most strides in justice arenas, or the people who are doing these incredible, people who are serving people, that people who are serving people, often they are the most grounded people because they know how much energy to give and when to preserve their energy. And so that's something I'm just thinking about more and failing at and and I think it's a great thing for us to talk about because well I've seen you exercise this in real time and I'm uh I think

you're doing an incredible job let's do one more kind of serious one and then one really fun one like we're taking photos and we want to do a fun one to end on. So everybody goes home feeling good about themselves. But I never feel good about myself for those fun pictures. I always am like, I don't know what to do. Okay, well, you're going to feel good about this one. Okay. So this one's from Kyle.

What was the exponential rise in popularity for GMM and Mythical like for Jessie? Were there any sudden life changes due to the fame and what was adapting to that new lifestyle like? Interesting, Jessie. I don't think there were any sudden. I mean, I guess the most sudden change would be moving to la all those years ago it all fell apart uh but we lost our way i do think something that i've had and have had to learn how to work with and i'm continuing to learn how to work with and am continuing to learn how to work with is dealing with

criticism, not for myself, but mostly like for you and for Link. You know, there is, I think we both would say this is like I feel all the time so blessed, so grateful, so thankful and lucky and just happy to be able to be on this ride with you. To walk alongside you, as they used to say. To do life with you. What other bad analogies can I, metaphors can I? Anyway. Get on the horse with me? Yeah.

But I think it's one thing that is challenging is seeing everything that happens behind the scenes and then seeing somebody log on and criticize a decision that you spent so much blood, sweat, and tears trying to, you know, coming to. And this isn't, I'm not talking about like moral failings. I mean, that's not, not that your deconstruction was a moral failing. It was the ultimate moral failing. What are you talking about? That, that was challenging in its own way. And that's kind of even separate from this, maybe connected, but you know, it's like, let's, you change a logo or you change whatever. Nobody said anything about that. Nobody said anything about that.

And I, you know, it's like you're often eating and sleeping and breathing these things. Maybe not for the logo change. I don't know. Maybe that was a bad example. But you have put so much thought and energy and there's so many even other people and, you know, many, even other people and people, you know, there's so many different elements that come into the making of some of these decisions. And as your wife and as somebody who loves you and has a lot of respect for you, it's just really, really hard to see somebody say that you to assign negative motivations to those things. And I think like that's such a small thing to have to deal with, but it's hard because often

as your wife, I do want to jump in and say something. i don't don't get into the fray jesse i do not and i'm pretty good at not but i think that continues to be something like i want to defend you and you letting me vent to you when i get home and we do our little hug and kiss and then i immediately start wringing my hands. It's funny because I was thinking about this exact thing in relation to, you know, it's football season right now. I watch football. I watch college football. Did you see Taylor Swift?

Well, that was NFL, okay? Oh. Travis plays for an NFL team. Well, yeah. And yes, he's wonderful. You said you watched football. I'm not much of an NFL fan, but yeah, I'm all about the, what is that couple name called now? I don't know.

Do they have a couple names? Because his name is Travis and her name is Taylor. Yeah, I don't think it's been decided as of this recording. Okay. But yeah, this will be old news by the time this comes out. Yeah, it might be. They're called something very specific. Oh, no. We're all going to be invested.

Or they may be broken up. I'm super invested. This is NFL Taylor's version. I have never cared about the NFL until now. Ever. It's probably all engineered by them. Not to burst your bubble, but this is probably... No, she was having fun.

Did you see her? She was having fun. She was eating her little chicken strip with the seemingly ranch i love it yeah i don't know what you're talking about but back to college football the real deal you know uh i follow nc state football because i went to nc state and uh i'm a bigpack fan, another word I'm not great at saying. Unfortunately, that's our mascot. And, you know, like people just criticize the coach, you know,

even after like he wins a game, the way that he goes about it. And then the conversation gets so toxic. the way that he goes about it. And then the conversation gets so toxic. And it's funny because I'm not coaching a college football team. You're not? And it's not like once a week, we either win or lose. That sucks.

You know, that sucks. Like I have a content stream and it's like very subjective and it's just like, is it gonna get views? And we're gonna make other decisions like logo changes or events or changes to services or all the you know hundreds of decisions that we make in a year about specific things that people enjoy and uh but the thing that i always say is and i actually think this applies to you know it's funny to get back into the polarization political polarization in our country since we haven't talked about that enough. There tends to be this idea that people on the right are patriotic and people on the left are not patriotic. But actually, like when you are

a fan of a team, you tend to be pretty damn critical of the things that that team does, because you love that team. You are invested in that team. And so I tend to take the investment that people have in what we're doing and the things that we've built, even when it gets critical, I tend to say, you know what? I'm going to choose to see this person's concern about this particular thing that we have done. I'm going to see that in the light of

them actually really really caring about the things that we do and it's a privilege that's a healthy way to look i'm i'm not i'm not as healthy but i will say the thing that the part that really gets in my girdle is uh where's your girdle it It's just a figurative girdle that I wear at times that keeps my tummy in. So I don't have to think about holding it in. I don't think that's the expression. It gets your goat. I just invented a new one.

I like it. Okay. And is when they assign intention. Right. Negative intention. Right. Oh, they're doing this because flagrant assumption about our character or the way that we see our fans or whatever.

That's the part that is upsetting. It's like, well, okay, I'm not going to get into it. I can tell you all the reasons that we've made this decision, but I like the fact that you care. I don't like the fact that you assume why we made this decision and then begin spreading this idea. But I can live with it. It comes with the territory. But I really appreciate the fact that you care because I do think, you know, like you said, we are hashtag blessed.

Is that still a thing? No. I'm bringing that back too. It really gets in my girdle that we don't use hashtag blessed anymore. And we have all of our needs are met and most of our wants are met. It's like got nothing to complain about. But that doesn't mean that there aren't difficult things that I face or you face that you still want somebody to commiserate with, you know, and I appreciate you being there for that because, again, you'll,

oh, tell me more. No. I really like that about you. Pretty sure I don't sound like that. You don't do that to me as much as you do it to your friends. But I'm not asking you to exaggerate your empathy for me. You do it just right. Do you want to end on a fun one?

Sure. Okay. This is from Fast Acting Glue. Not a brand. Not a sponsor. Just a Twitter handle. If you had to eat a stick. And this is not a brand, not a sponsor, just a Twitter handle. If you had to eat a stick, and this is not a sexual joke,

but I didn't do this to set up a sexual joke, okay? If you had to eat a stick, would you microwave slash steam it or eat it raw? I would, we just got those, not a sponsor, but just got those Not a sponsor

But we got those What are those pans? Is that what they're called? Anyday? It's David Chang, right? Yeah, they're the They were on TikTok and somewhere else And they're the

You can These microwavable Containers It's a glass container That looks like Tupperware But it's glass And it's glass. And it's... With tops.

It looked like they have some aluminum, but you can... And they can release... They release a little steam at certain pressures. They don't pop off. And you can cook anything in these things. You can. It's crazy. They should be a sponsor.

Because you can turn your... And I think it is David Chang. I think I'm right about that, right? Because he was doing this on TikTok where he's using these glass things to make his family food. And he's like putting like salmon in the microwave. You can cook salmon in them. Are you sure you can do that? You can.

We have. We have. It's delicious. And yeah, we'll put a stick in that with a little like Lowry's seasoning salt. Oh, yeah. Back to the stick. I forgot. That's what this is about. Yeah, we're talking about the stick.

Put a wet stick in there. Well, little twig boy should be all about microwaving some wet sticks. Right. Well, again, I didn't think that this was going to get sexual, but the little twig boy is not expecting the forest queen to eat his stick.

Like that's not... I eat his stick Like that's not Are we Lord No I'm just saying Are we That's not I'm not Are we

Are we gonna dress up as little twig boy No no I'm saying he is expecting that But that's not what this is about He doesn't have to expect it We don't even have to make it about that Can we go to Rex now? I have some Rex Oh I thought you meant the hospital where our kids were born.

Rex Hospital. That would be a long trip. Okay. Yeah, so do you want to do that? Like, if we talk about it now, we're going to have to do it. Dress up as the Forest Queen and the little twig boy as our Halloween costume? I don't know what else we were going to dress up as, so I think it's great. I love when people give me Halloween ideas, costume ideas.

Such an inside joke, though. But that's what makes it fun. We'll never make it into People magazine with that. We won't be next to Heidi in her worm costume. I don't think that's what's keeping us from making it. No. Okay. I can imagine what the Forest Queen would making it. No. Okay. I don't know.

I can't imagine what the forest queen would look like. I've got some ideas. A little twig boy. A little twig boy needs some lederhosen. But the little twig boy, remember, is the big bad wolf, but it's just the big bad wolf. Well, you know. It's just the twig boy pretending to be the big bad wolf. When we came together, you dressed up as the big bad wolf dressed up as grandma. It's full circle, and I was Little Red Riding Hood.

Yeah, it's pretty close. We can dig those up. But back to eating the stick. I think what I would do, I don't want to make this not fun anymore, but I would grind it down into sawdust, and I would slowly insert it into soup over the course of a month. Soup was not an option. He didn't say anything about soup or she.

No, technically I would eat it raw, but it would be used as a thickener in soup, and it would go unnoticed. I would enjoy fiber. I think you're cheating. I mean, I did add some Lowry seasoning salt, but I don't think that that's cheating. I think soup, putting it in soup.

Well, I would put it in a cheesecake then. Okay. Well, you can't just put a stick in a cheesecake. You got to make it in dust. I would make it sawdust. Jessie, it has been so fun having you here at the round table of Dem Live. Thanks for having me.

Can I sign it? Do I get to sign it? Well, we don't really do that anymore, but yes. Okay. We're breaking all kinds of traditions. We don't really have guests anymore, but yeah, you've never signed this table, so we need to make that happen.

But I would like to... You said you had two wrecks. Oh, I do. I have two wrecks. We've already wrecked any day Tupperware stuff. Our dear friend Jacob actually wrecked this book to me. And it is called Your Brain on Art. It's by Susan Magnuson and Ivy Ross.

Ivy Ross. Ivy Ross. And it's exploring what art does to our brain and how necessary it is. It's bad for it, isn't it? I knew it was bad for it. Dang it. It is fascinating. And there's this whole new field of study called neuroarts, neuroart, I believe. And it's basically the study of what art, what being in nature, even doodling, what all of these things do to our brain and it's amazing and confirming and exciting

your brain on art is that your only rec? no I have a lot we could do recs forever I just finished a podcast called Girlfriends and it is I I'm not,

I don't listen to a lot of true crime. I like cult podcasts. I like scam podcasts. 42-year-old lady talking about a true crime podcast. This is such a cool podcast. It's about a woman who went missing in New York in the 80s. And all of these incredible women who came together to convict her plastic surgeon husband.

But it deals with like domestic violence. And it's a really beautiful tribute to women who have been murdered or been abused through domestic violence. But it's also weirdly an amazing look into these women's lives. And there is a lot of laughter. And the music is incredible. In fact, the music was so good that was composed for this podcast that I downloaded the music on Spotify. But anyway, I just love it.

I think everybody should listen to it. The girlfriends. Yep. And speaking of listening to music, I love it. I think everybody should listen to it. The girlfriends. Yep. And speaking of listening to music, I will take this opportunity to plug the song that's coming out this Friday, the second single off of the upcoming James and the Shame EP. This one's all about you. And if things go according to plan, which at the time of recording, none of this is finalized, so this is a real risky thing to throw out there.

Ideally, the physical album, the vinyl, the CD, and the cassette, along with some special merch for this EP, will all be available for pre-order. I'm trying to get a little bit more of a head start than I did last year, because I waited until this album had come out, and months passed, and so I would like it to coincide a little bit more of a head start than I did last year, because I waited until this album had come out and months passed. And so I would like it to coincide a little bit more. So you can pre-order, having not even heard all of the songs,

you can pre-order the album. And I'm also trying to make it where you can... I'm promising a lot. You got a lot going on. I'm trying to make it where you get a digital download of the songs when you buy it, but it won't come out until release day. So just because people asked for that last time. Anyway, I'm just taking this opportunity to promote it because it's a song about you

that I'm very, very, very happy with. You're using me. I get it. And I went out into the wilderness and I recorded myself singing that song about you. And actually, for this one, I think I did a pretty good job. I actually sang it good, so I'm going to actually show that instead of just showing song about you. And I actually, for this one, I think I did a pretty good job. I actually sang it good. So I'm going to actually show that instead of just showing all the fails.

This was fun. This was fun. Remember, if you would like to make a comment, ask a question, you can do that by calling our line. We have a line, 1-888-EAR-POD-1. You can only say nice things, though. That's right.

That's how that line works. I mean, I think most of the things are nice, but that is not a requirement. I think it should be a requirement. Jesse's making that a requirement. Only say nice things. That's right. Only sweet things.

And keep the conversation online with hashtag Ear Biscuits. We'd like to know, even though Twitter is slowly dying, we do like you to still have conversations about Ear Biscuits in places like that. Hashtag Ear Biscuits. Hey, Red Link, this is me and my, me, John, and my wife. Kitty.

We went on vacation to North Carolina, Topsoil Island, and we decided to make a pass through Buies Creek, you know, for you. Anywho, hope you guys are doing awesome. And I love you guys. I love what you're doing. Awesome. Bye.