Ear Biscuits with Rhett & Link - The Weirdest Thing We’ve Been Recognized For | Ear Biscuits Ep. 453
Episode Date: January 6, 2025Well, that certainly isn’t what we expected to get recognized for. In this episode, Rhett & Link talk about a weird way someone knew who they were, answer the age old question, would you love your w...ives if they were worms – and, get some well-appreciated validation. Plus, a party question that Link answers very… Link-like. Get 50% off a lifetime membership at https://rosettastone.com/ear To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices
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This, this, this, this is Mythical.
[♪ theme music playing.
Welcome to Ear Biscuits, the podcast where two lifelong friends talk about life for a
long time. I'm Rhett. And I'm Link. This week at the Round Table of Dim Lighting,
we finally get answers from a licensed official technician
who weighs in on your problem, Rhett,
that has been established here on this show.
You know, we don't have just, I mean,
we have all kinds of people listening to this podcast, Link.
We have, sure, we just have people living their lives,
but we got people who have studied
and gotten degrees and licenses and-
And we bring their opinions out of the woodwork.
And you know what?
We want those.
We want these informed opinions
because we're the king of uninformed opinions.
Yeah.
How would they give us those opinions?
One eight eight eight.
Ear Pod One.
Boy, the calls keep coming in.
We love hearing your voice.
Lot of Southern accents.
I love that, I love that.
We might get to an Australian accent today too though.
The ultimate Southern accent.
Ho, ha ha, Rhett, I sent you out for it.
You knocked it out of the park.
So.
Like Robert Redford in the natural.
You denied my invitation yesterday
to hang out with me and our friend Dan
while I was spinning some records,
and boy, you missed it, but don't worry,
I'm gonna tell you about it.
How does that work when you're the DJ
and there's one person there?
Well, I've started doing this thing where
I'm practicing more.
I'm trying to get more hours,
because I started to have these, yeah,
like actually DJing on vinyl is so much fun,
but I told Christy I think it's gonna make me a better lover.
Oh.
Because you really have to have a...
Because of the nipples.
...delicate touch.
Yeah.
You know, you see these DJs just going at it, like they're like,
this hand's going back and forth, and that hand's going back and forth
in a different way, and then they switch and all this stuff is happening.
But what I never realized was the delicacy
of what they're doing.
Like their motions look aggressive, but they're tender.
And you know me, I'm an aggressive handler.
You're a heavy petter, as they say.
I'm a heavy petter of dogs, and I've learned that I just can't translate that over
into my vinyl handling because it's a little needle, man.
This is really good for you.
Yeah, and I'm just really developing my passion for it.
You know what, I never put this together.
This might be why you've never cooked, but this actually might get you... You know what? I never put this together. This might be why you've never cooked. But this actually might get you into
cooking, because cooking requires a delicate touch.
Well, it is a form of cooking. Like, you know, I aspire to have people come over.
It didn't happen yesterday with Dan. Just somebody yell out,
-"Let him cook!" You know? But yeah, DJ is as close as...
I'm not gonna do that for you. You don't have to.
...as I'm gonna get to cooking. But yeah, it is as close as, you don't have to, as I'm gonna get to cooking.
But yeah, it is a version of cooking. Thank you for that.
Well think about multiple pans, multiple circular things in front of you,
and you've got multiple things going.
Different techniques.
You don't know what's happening in your brain right now.
You could be opening up and creating new pathways that could be applied to all
kinds of things, not just lovemaking.
That's definitely happening. I think that's why Christy's encouraging it.
You know? Even though it means I'm going over to Creative House and like having my all kinds of things, not just lovemaking. That's definitely happening. I think that's why Christy's encouraging it.
Even though it means I'm going over the creative house
and having my own on time.
Now, I enjoy spending just by myself,
just having my link time,
but there's something about having people there
that you're actually having to, you know, give them something that they enjoy.
Over this past weekend, I think that I spun records
for 12 hours, 11 hours.
In one day?
No, in two, like five or six hours sessions.
Like yesterday I got over there at five and then I left
at 10, 10.30, left at 11.
You're saying I passed your bedtime.
Yeah, I'm hooked, man.
So yeah, what I'll do is I'll invite somebody over.
Hey, I'm practicing spinning my records.
You wanna come over and hang out.
And then what I'll do is I'll try to play stuff
that they like, like our friend Dan,
he doesn't like hip hop.
So I'm limited and I'm limited only my records.
So like I'm limited to more of,
he likes classic rock, he likes yacht rock,
so I've got some of that.
Right.
And so I'm doing some of that,
I'm also just practicing technique,
and I'm not like staying behind there the whole time,
just like going from song to song,
I'll play sections of records and we'll hang out,
we'll talk, and then I'll, you know,
but then I gotta get back to it
because, you know, you gotta flip the records
or go to the next one and that type of thing.
So I have a lot of fun doing it and it is,
there's this, the challenge of trying to meet
somebody's needs, but like, you know, I know I got them
if it, even if it's just two of us there
and we're like standing up singing a song together,
that actually happened at one point.
It's quite a service that you're providing.
Well, you know, he's really into music too.
Like he sent me a few playlists,
so like you get somebody who's,
you gotta be a little bit more into music.
It's not like I'm gonna show up and sit on the couch
and it's gonna be awkward, you know? It's like, these are not like just
random acquaintances. Don't put it past me.
Now, is there...
I'll start pulling people off the street before too long.
Is there a version of this... I'm just asking, this is for personal reasons.
Is there a version of this that is an equal experience for you as an individual where you have on headphones?
Oh, no.
I still like to play it in the room because
it's more of an actual practice of how you do it.
Well, we're gonna have to run interference
because weekends is when I do my recording
for James and the Shaman.
I'm back on that now.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, so I can just go to headphones, yes.
You can do that.
Yes, yes, I can do that.
What I'm saying is we can both be doing our thing
at the same time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not a logistical impossibility.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Technically.
But if you invite somebody.
You might have to yell. If I invite somebody, that will be...
You have to give them a pair of headphones.
Uh, I'm not gonna do that.
Okay.
So I'm not gonna invite somebody.
So I'll let you know it.
If you're recording something, I do need you to let me know.
And in a way, I let you know yesterday, but I invited you.
Uh, yeah.
I could have just let you know and not have invited you, but that would have been weird. Yeah. I could have just let you know and not have invited you, but that would have been weird.
Yeah.
So was I inviting you or letting you know and then felt like I needed to invite you?
Well, the issue with me, I didn't say yes because I had other things going on,
but the thing is is that because I'm also devoting time to something outside of my
family life and outside of my work life that then is me leaving
for the weekend to go to a different house,
which is, so there's a sensitivity to that, right?
Yeah.
I can't go and not do my work.
I can't go and sit and watch you.
Just because then.
Again, it's not watching me.
I can't, no, because then I'm not.
It's not watching me.
Well, no, what I'm saying.
It's listening to music together. You know what I'm saying. I can't, no, because then I'm not... It's not watching me. Well, no, what I'm saying... It's listening to music together.
You know what I'm saying?
I can't justify that because I've got a certain amount of time.
Yeah, you can be in the other room.
And I can't tell Jessie, I'm going to the creative house
and I'm not working on music.
I'm listening to Link work on his music.
Yeah, you can't do that.
I just don't have that kind of free time.
And I'm not gonna go in there and listen to you record.
And I'm not gonna expect you to.
Yeah, I didn't expect you to.
But we can both be in the same house
and our creative energies can spur each other
onto new heights.
One of the things that Daniel told me about,
I wanted to tell you about,
he told me about this party that he went to.
And I'm always interested in what, I know you are too,
what makes a good party. We like to go to them. You'll throw parties at your house.
I like to throw, you know, my version of parties as well. And ultimately, there was a question
that came up. I'll call it like a icebreaker conversational question,
which I thought was interesting,
and I wanna present that question to you.
But before I do, I'll tell you a little bit about the party.
He showed up and he said it happens every year,
so he knew to expect more structure to this party
than a typical one.
And so he said, he showed up and they have a gate.
I was like, oh, this is a fancy house.
He's like, well, not a fancy house,
but they have a fancy gate.
You're good.
I'm like, okay.
That's the first part of a fancy house.
Normal house, fancy gate.
Intercom type thing.
And beside the intercom, there was a QR code
and instructions that the scavenger hunt begins now.
And so over the course of the night,
if you choose to participate in the scavenger hunt,
you're getting, there's clues hidden around the house,
and there's different things in like you're accumulating.
There's an immersive scavenger hunt experience.
Okay, I like this.
And I was like, well, did you do it?
He was like, I elected not to do it this year.
I did it last year.
And everyone doesn't do it, and you can attend the party as normal, or you can have this
little assignment, a little something to do, which, as it turns out, is cool because it
motivates you to move around the party and have an objective.
I like this. You know, some people who,
they might need some tracks to run on at a party,
so it's not just like,
who am I gonna have an awkward, cold conversation with,
meaning just out of the blue,
figuring out something to talk about?
You know, that stresses some people out.
Right.
So I did like that idea.
Sounds cool, right?
Oh yeah, I love, these, like adding the structure,
motivation, and then moments.
Mission to a party, something I'm very interested in,
but still have not pulled a trigger on it.
And phases of a party is a good thing too.
Now another thing they had was a room
with a tarot card reader.
Okay.
You could go in there and you could consult
with the tarot person.
It is LA.
It's LA.
Gotta have a little bit of that.
And I was like, well, did you do that?
He was like, oh yeah, I did that.
And I was like, do you subscribe to these things? Because I'm very
skeptical about it, but I asked a spiritually-minded friend of mine that I trust recently what
she thought of it. And she was like, well, you know, because we did the psychic thing
on Mythical Society. We got a psychic reading, and there was even some medium stuff happening.
If you're interested in seeing our first ever psychic experience, by the way,
it's on The Mythical Society.
And we actually did a... it was probably a 45-minute conversation,
just between the two of us. It was like a mini podcast where we unfiltered,
talked about exactly what we thought about the experience. You know, having watched it back and had some results from it.
Anyway, all that stuff's over there. But our friend, the spiritual-minded person,
described psychics as someone presenting a mirror to yourself.
And he said that resonated with him. But mostly, Dan was interested in
getting his reading because he was intrigued by talking to a complete
stranger and then never seeing them again. I'm like, that's an interesting...
So, oh, I was like, well, I'm not gonna ask you what you're talking about.
But I did like that aspect of the party. And he said while he was getting his,
like, ten-minute reading, which he had fun with, he said he spent most of the time talking to the tarot card reader.
What do you call them? A psychic? The person.
Mm-hmm. A tarot-er.
They're a sound... They work in audio in the industry by day, and then they do tarot
card readings to make a little scratch, Apparently. People kept coming in the door and poking their head in in the middle
of his reading and looking at a shelf behind him and saying,
oh, there's the blackbirds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven blackbirds.
You can't put one of the scavenger hunt things in the tarot room. it's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven blackbirds. And then they were writing down.
One of the scavenger hunt things in the tarot room.
And then they would, actually, I think that's good because.
Oh yeah, it does bring people into the room.
Brings people into the room, and then the tarot card reading
doesn't get too serious.
Here's the thing, ironically, because this is actually my,
I think that the tarot reading is a little bit of,
is analogous in some way to having a structure to the party. Let me explain. I think that the tarot reading is a little bit of,
is analogous in some way to having a structure to the party. Let me explain.
This is actually what I believe about tarot reading,
which is I do not believe that I have,
I'm highly skeptical that there is anything legitimate
going on in terms of like true metaphysical insights, right?
I'm skeptic.
Yeah, me too.
But-
I like to have fun.
And I also do not think that there's anything nefarious
or demonic going on, which of course is what
I would have believed at one point.
But I do think that, like you said,
it is this thing where you have to take some of your thoughts
and some of the aspects of your life and take it out
and put it on a table and
Have it interact with some kind of system
Which helps you then analyze how you're actually thinking and feeling about specific events that are happening in your life
It's a way of processing something it in the least. It's a way of processing things
Okay, I think that adds some structure to the personal processing of whatever it is
going on in your life. And so I think that there can be benefit, right?
In the same way that a psychic can say things to you, does that resonate with you?
Do you get that? Whatever. And you're kind of like...
Well, the mirror.
They're playing this fishing game to find things that resonate with you,
but it's actually like having a conversation
with somebody who is drawing things out of you.
But that's what the party is in some way.
Having this scavenger hunt is it creates a framework
to enjoy the party in a way if you just go to the party
and you just talk to people, might not happen.
Yeah. A framework.
Yeah, and different ways for people to engage in party-dom,
you know, acknowledging different tendencies for people to engage in party-dom, you know, acknowledging
different tendencies. I mean, Jenna, when you go to a party, what is your...
What are you afraid of and what are you hoping for? And if there's a tarot card
reader, how do you feel about it?
Love the tarot card reading. I don't know if I... I agree with what you all say. I
actually have a tarot deck and I do tarot occasionally because I do enjoy...
You do agree with our skepticism?
Yeah, well I agree with the skepticism, but I also agree with that it helps you
think about things in a different way and also forces you to think about things
you might not have necessarily begun thinking of.
So I think there is a nice unlocking that happens,
which is why I enjoy it.
But it might not be the type of thing
you wanna do in a party, you know?
Depending on what it unlocks.
I like when it's at parties in like a separate room.
Like it's not the focal point's at parties in a separate room.
It's not the focal point.
There's never a focal point that is happening at a party.
Gather around.
Yeah, yeah.
For the tarot reading.
If there's a whole, that is one thing
that would terrify me.
If there's a whole gather around.
Tarot-fy you?
Yeah, or at a party, something I wouldn't like at a party.
Tarot-fy me.
Yes, you got it.
I got it.
You want to tarot-fy?
I know, you were looking at me really hard, like please get it, Jenna, you got it. I got it. Yeah, terrify. I know, you were looking at me really hard,
like please get it, Jenna, please get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
I get it.
It would terrify me if someone was like,
everyone gather around,
we're all going to do this thing together,
and I'm like, ha, I would rather,
like me and two other people be in the kitchen
chatting about something else. Like, I like parties that have a different vibe, unless you know going into it,
that it's gonna be an everyone gather around thing.
Well, try to put your psychic reading for the first time ever on the internet.
I mean, it is behind a paywall.
Yeah, yeah.
But going into a party, you're not socially anxious, right?
Uh...
At a party?
Yeah, yeah. a little bit.
A little, I'm, I'm.
So maybe a scavenger hunt.
I am highly adaptable, I have a great.
Yeah, you're adaptable then.
Okay, I didn't even know.
Oh yeah, I don't, parties are scary, and anxious.
Oh. But you find something you like,
and you focus on that, and then you have a good time.
So another thing that happened that some people could find and like is an
intriguing question. And he said he found himself in this pocket of people and they
were all answering the question, say you're dead.
I'm dead.
And buried.
And buried. And buried. And in order to bring, beckon you back to the land of the living, someone in the waking
world has three items. These three items are what will bring you back, what would those three items be?
And then people started talking about the things that would beckon them back to the
world of the living, and or maybe be the first thing that they would have when
experiencing life for the first time, for the second time, I should say.
I thought it was a pretty good question.
I mean, he said, I'm curious what your answer would be.
And I am curious what your answer would be, but I'll give you time to think about
it by telling you what my answer was.
Okay.
I said, he asked the question, and in less time than I've already given you,
I made up my mind that I was gonna give the quickest answer possible
because that would be funny.
So I said, oh, because he expected me to like maul over it.
You know, Dan's a thoughtful guy.
He takes his time and he puts it together.
So I thought I'd surprise him with like a
slap shot reactionary delivery.
And so I immediately said, crispy bacon,
a used condom, and the bunny that I used to have
as a stuffed animal when I was a kid.
Okay, let's discuss B for a moment.
Oh, we can discuss all of them.
I don't need to know why crispy bacon would bring you back, and I don't need to know why crispy bacon would bring you back,
and I don't need to understand why your bunny would bring you back,
because I feel like those are implicit.
I feel like I understand.
Mm-hmm.
A used condom. Who used it?
I didn't specify. Doesn't matter.
Because it accomplishes many things, this answer, enough that I'm willing to give up
crispy bacon and only choose two. Yeah. See, the first thing I did was I made a
shocking joke that was unexpected and a bit gross. It got a reaction. It didn't
get a laugh out of you, but I mean, I'm just gonna tell you, a used condom was a joke.
Okay? That was a joke. And by... and then I'm like, but you know what?
I'm actually going to choose that because that may be the best joke I've ever made.
And now I need motivation. My mission in life is now to
come back from the dead and top my best joke of my entire life. Yeah. And I said,
you know what? It's not a broken condom. It's used, but it's not broken. So I can
reuse it. And if my wife is still alive, then I can... I don't know how much time I
have. I'm gonna make love to my wife with this condom.
What is, how?
And then, because-
Do, people listening, do not reuse a used condom.
Please don't.
That's not, it's not gonna work.
Well, it's not broken.
It's still not recommended.
I know, it's not recommended, but I don't know how much time I have,
and it's the only condom I have, and I have to use it because I don't know if my
vasectomy regenerated when I was brought back from the dead.
Oh.
The last thing I want to do is impregnate my wife, and then ten minutes later,
I'm dead again. It's like, she'd... wouldn't that be horrible?
My husband came back from the dead, gave me another child, and then died.
It's like, I mean, I guess that could be beautiful, but it could also be quite a
burden for, you know, a single mom, you know? She could do it. My mom certainly did
an amazing job. But I wouldn't want to do that to her, so I would use the condom as
to, as, because it's all I had. And that's the second thing.
Okay, so let's just play this out a little bit. And I'm not really the specific
scenario that you just outlined. I think we all understand. Or equally don't
understand. So if you're at a party...
I have a mission in life.
If you were at a party.
I now have to top my greatest joke. And if I live long enough to do it.
You were at a party and this question was asked.
And you answered it in that way.
You would do this in front of people you didn't know?
And expect?
I don't know.
I wasn't saying what I would have said in his shoes.
I was saying what he asked me right then.
This was your answer in the context of a one-on-one DJ,
DJ and friend session.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is not necessarily your answer in the context
of the party that he was at.
Right.
Yeah, I don't know what I would have said at the party.
I'm not at the party and as you know,
I will make those decisions on the fly.
Yeah, well, yeah.
Well, I think that informs my answer because
my real answer is... I mean, I wouldn't answer this in mixed company.
I'll answer it on the internet anyway.
But obviously, I feel like I can find three things...
I feel like I can find three things on my wife's body that would bring me back
from the dead, but I just, you know...
Just make that one thing.
Uh, my wife's body is one of them?
Okay.
Yeah, but you're making it sound like she's dead, too.
No, she is in full control of her body.
I love that you're reducing her to just her body.
Boy, that's a good look for you.
She is attached to her body. Why, that's a good look for you.
She is attached to her body.
Why can't you just say her?
And by the way, when I said my wife's body,
I was thinking about the three things,
and one of them was her brain, was her mind.
Okay?
That's there.
Yeah, it was.
So I would probably say my wife.
That's kind of the same as my used condom.
Yes, it's very similar to your answer.
Um...
You got two more.
Definitely, I gotta pick a food.
Yeah, he said a lot of people were picking food
and food was the first thing they picked,
which is the safe thing to discuss at a party.
I have a lot of foods that tie for first.
Yeah, this would be tough for you.
And crispy bacon is not like my jam.
I don't know, it was just, again,
I gave a spur of the moment answer.
Some foods, not beans, okay?
I mean, I'm just gonna be honest with you,
it wouldn't be beans.
Crispy bacon.
So some food that I need time to think about.
And then something that implies
an opportunity to do something.
Oh, like a ticket?
Like a ticket to something.
A ticket, a ticket to ride.
But I just feel like I,
I feel, yeah, I'm not,
like I do like to have the like, okay, if I was a-
Round trip ticket, first class round trip ticket
to anywhere you wanna go in the world.
Honestly, if I was asked that question at a party,
and my mission at the party was
to like literally reveal something about myself to figure out if I was gonna make a connection I asked that question at a party, and my mission at the party was to literally
reveal something about myself to figure out
if I was gonna make a connection with somebody.
If that question was asked, I'd be like,
excuse me, I need to run to the bathroom.
You'd get some time. And I would go,
and I would think about it.
Well, other people are talking,
and instead of listening to them,
you're thinking. That's what I don't like
about that, though, because you're not thinking
about what they're saying. You're thinking about what you're about to say.
So you wanted another QR code so that the people who could... they could have time
to think about it.
I would want, hey, if you're coming to this party, there's an email that goes out
before, have I answered this question.
That puts a lot of... then people aren't gonna show up at the party.
Yeah, that's true.
You wanna spring things on people at the party.
But give them time.
So there's a way to do that, but yeah, so you need some more thought.
You need some more time.
I mean, you could take one of my three.
I thought a childhood memento.
My mom still has the bunny.
I thought it was nice to represent
something from before my first memories,
something that's lodged deep within me,
would be part of it.
So what would that be for you
if you chose to make that one of your answers?
I still have my childhood teddy bear.
First ever, first birthday teddy bear.
Is that your choice?
No, I'm just saying that I already have that.
I don't think it's gonna bring me back.
You know what I think it would be?
You've seen those TikTok ads
where there's people spraying that stuff in their nose
and all of a sudden they are able to breathe.
Yeah. I get those all the time.
I think maybe just doing that to me while I'm dead
will bring me back.
Okay, yeah, smelling salt type thing. Yeah. Yeah, I'm dead will bring me back. Okay. Yeah. Smelling salt type thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm interested in that. What's the point of that product?
Well, just two different things. One is literally a smelling salt
that like wakes you up. Just to open you up.
The other one is a nasal, I think they kind of accomplish a similar thing,
but the one that you spray into your nose or like you put on your nose and smell,
that's the smelling salt, you can't do that with that. You'll go blind or something.
Okay.
It's so strong.
I'd like to have some of those available in meetings though.
I actually got those for my friend who has really bad allergies all the time.
And so it helps like open up her nasal passages a little bit.
And it works?
Yeah, like obviously not like 100% but it helped her breathe a lot better,
and then I tried it, and it does wake you up a little bit.
It's like...
I'd like that.
Like a shot of espresso?
It's like, you know, the Vicks that you can smell?
It's like that, but they have Lavender, they have Eucalyptus,
they have different ones, but it's pretty good. [♪ music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Funky music playing. Let's get to a question in a second.
But Link, congratulations.
You have now recorded 100 episodes
of Dispatches from Myrtle Beach.
Yep.
Of course, if you don't know, this is my dad's podcast.
He lives in North Myrtle Beach and he, of course if you don't know, this is my dad's podcast. He lives in North Myrtle Beach
and he gives me a dispatch every week.
If you haven't watched or listened to the show,
it's on YouTube, it's wherever you get your podcast,
check it out.
I mean, yeah, my dad was,
he's elated to celebrate 100 episodes.
Triple digits.
I never thought, I never thought it wouldn't happen.
But it did, didn't it, Dad? That would be correct.
He even texts his catchphrases to me now.
Like, there's no going back with this guy.
That would be correct.
I'm pretty sure it's something he invented
for the podcast. For the show?
For the podcast. You didn't remember
him saying that. I never remember him saying it before the podcast.
And then if I'm texting him, he's like,
did you have a good time on your trip?
He's like, that would be correct.
He's like, he is, I mean.
I love that.
So yeah, check it out.
Let's hear a voicemail.
Hey Rhett and Link, this is Addy from Indiana, and I have a question about how to navigate
my mother-in-law. I have been with my significant other for five years now. We're getting married
in January of 2025, and she happens to think that I love sea turtles.
And so every gift I get from her for the last five years has been sea turtles.
And every time she asks, I tell her how much I love it and how great it is.
But the issue is that I don't have a thing for sea turtles,
and I don't know how I can go about breaking that to her now that I have let it go on for five years and am entering a marriage
where hopefully it doesn't go on forever. Thanks, love you guys, bye.
Hmm.
Whoa.
You know, that's not a really important part of this, which is how did she come to think
that you were into sea turtles? That's what I wanna know. Yeah.
How does someone draw that conclusion?
I mean, did you just have a calendar with ocean life and it happened to be the month
of sea turtles?
I mean...
And it feels like the kind of thing that would have been discussed with the...
The husband.
The husband.
Yeah, her son, because it's the mother-in-law, right?
Right, yeah, and like...
Maybe she fell asleep, like sometimes if you're having a family gathering, I'll take a nap,
and then if I talk in my sleep while I'm napping...
Sea turtles.
Maybe she was talking about sea turtles.
Okay, but you know, that being said, she now is under this impression, so whether it's your fault or not.
And allow me to lecture you a little bit
before we give you the answer.
We're gonna help you, okay?
But first, you need to learn your lesson.
You have an instinct to lie to make other people feel better,
is what it seems like, you know?
And what you should have said, you had an opportunity,
if you didn't like the sea turtle,
if you were puzzled by it, you could have said something.
But your instinct was to bury it.
And now you're under a pile of sea turtles.
Even if it was the second sea turtle, maybe the third.
By that point, I think you gotta be like,
another sea turtle, you keep giving me sea turtles,
like I really appreciate it, but,
when did I give you the impression,
I like it, but I don't love sea,
I don't really have a connection to sea turtles,
I just think it's, I'm just curious, you know?
No, so that's the honest route.
I'm saying that's what you should have done,
and now that it's too late...
It's too late. Five years is too late.
Yeah, we are never gonna, you know... You're not gonna go the honest route now.
You're gonna have to live in a sea of turtles.
I think...
Startin' to like them! They're not bad. They're actually pretty dope creatures.
Have you seen Finding Nemo?
Have you been... I've been scuba diving with them.
They're super chill.
They're wonderful.
I saw one sleeping in a ship one time
while scuba diving at night.
Yeah, I saw footage of a orca eating one.
That's cool.
Made me a little sad.
I actually agree with this.
I think that, you know, I remember when I was a kid
and I had had a number of opportunities
to eat honey mustard.
Yep, here we go.
And I just didn't like it.
I don't know why, you know me, I'm not picky,
but I just did not like honey mustard.
I thought it was unnecessary.
But anytime you got nuggets or chicken tenders
or whatever, it was the side. then sometimes it would be on sandwiches.
And I specifically remember,
this should tell you a lot about my personality,
I specifically remember as like a 12 year old
saying to myself, I keep running into this honey mustard.
What?
I'm going to make myself like it. running into this honey mustard. Ha ha ha ha. What?
I'm going to make myself like it. And now, I really like honey mustard.
What was the process like?
Just being like, every time I run into it,
I'm gonna try, I'm gonna become curious,
I mean, I'm not saying I was,
I could articulate it this way at 12,
but essentially, I became curious about it.
And I was like, hmm, it's honey and it's mustard.
You like both of those things, put it together,
everyone else seems to think this is a good idea,
just see what happens.
And I just slowly just kept eating it,
and then it was just when it was there,
I was like, oh, honey mustard, there you are again,
not a problem anymore.
And that's honey mustard.
I think sea turtles is even easier to do with sea turtles
because what's not to like about sea turtles
unless you're being actively attacked by one.
And this is the thing that will happen.
You like the sea and you like turtles?
This is the thing that will happen.
You get two things that will happen.
Number one, you can now appreciate everything
that you will be given, the sea turtle theme moving forward,
but you have a whole, I'm guessing,
just a collection of sea turtle related gifts
that now have value to you.
Suddenly these things that you've been given
over the past five years have value to you.
You can go and sit with them, you can caress them.
I don't know what kind of things they are.
Is it a key chain?
I don't know.
I'm picturing a curio cabinet.
And I think this is a good practice.
And I'm not saying like things
so that you conform to people's expectations.
I'm just saying if there's something
that you're gonna be encountering a lot of,
you can choose to just keep hating it.
Yep.
Or you can alleviate the suffering.
You've made your bed, you have to lie in it. And if there's plushy sea turtles, it shouldn't be that bad.
You know? Rhett grew up in a world where people liked honey mustard.
Yeah.
So he had to lie in that bed.
I accept honey mustard related gifts now, too.
Yeah.
I haven't gotten any.
Oh, you know what I'm gonna give you?
I'm gonna give you some of those Snyder's pretzel bites.
The honey mustard ones.
Honey mustard is the favorite flavor.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I couldn't say that when I was 11.
I bought some yesterday for my little DJ party
that you were invited to.
You could have had some.
Oh, wow, that sounds like a-
There's still some over there.
High calorie experience.
We didn't eat them all.
We didn't eat them all.
Play another one.
Boy is Solving Problems, left and right.
Hi, Rhett and Link.
I have to get a colonoscopy on my 22nd birthday.
Do you guys have any tricks or tips
for making my birthday more exciting than just a colonoscopy.
Thanks in advance. My name is Peyton.
Peyton.
Peyton, if you get one at 22, I hope everything's copasetic.
Right.
That's early to get one, but I'm sure you'll be fine.
They could be quite enjoyable.
Yeah, you get the drug.
I don't know what drug it was, but I got it.
Propofil?
And I...
I don't know if they're gonna get that.
I enjoyed it.
They don't always get that.
You know what, I mean if they offered it to me
on every birthday, I'd take it.
Mm-hmm.
You know?
So, and the meal after a colonoscopy,
if you've been on a liquid diet,
and you probably have been since the night before,
or the whole day before,
that meal after a colonoscopy is fabulous,
because you're coming off of some propofil high,
and you're eating eating your favorite thing.
Have that lined up.
It's your birthday, go hard.
I think this really creates an opportunity for you,
and I take this how you will,
and I'm just not gonna really think about it,
I'm just gonna say it.
You're never gonna forget this birthday,
and you can choose to describe it to people
however you want to, and you could be like,
yeah, I remember my 22nd birthday
when I did drugs and tried anal.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a good setup.
That's a different type of icebreaker.
That's like never have I ever.
Put that in your back pocket for never have I ever.
You know, it's like.
That's it.
That's it.
We've answered that question.
Hold on, but this actually, I have to tell you something now, because I wanted to call
you and tell you...
Oh. Oh. Well, okay. I'm listening.
You'll see what the connection is. So, we were at a party recently, and I started a
conversation...
So many parties.
I started a conversation with a guy who interestingly,
he was there by himself and he's a big guy.
He's about my height.
And he was like, I came to this party by myself.
My wife isn't home with our daughter who's sick.
And you know, I don't really know how to do
this kind of thing, but I saw another big guy.
So I came up to you and I was like, I totally get it.
And we ended up having a great conversation.
So as we're getting to know each other,
it's America and it's LA,
so you inevitably end up talking about what you do.
And-
It's America.
I mean, truly, it's a very American thing
to talk about what you do.
That doesn't happen in Europe.
I mean, truly, like it's a very American thing to talk about what you do.
That doesn't happen in Europe.
Huh.
And so,
I was like, well, and I hate answering this question
and I never know how to answer it, you know?
So I'm like, I make YouTube videos
and he was like, tell me, what is it?
Like, what's it called?
I was like, well, you know,
the thing that's probably the most well known
is a show called Good Mythical Morning.
And he was like, I know Good Mythical Morning.
And I was like, oh, okay.
And anyway, he got this look in his eyes,
like this, he knows Good Mythical Morning,
but not in the way that I was anticipating.
He said, Dr. Hyman.
What?
He said, so this is to fill you all in, Dr. Hyman performed me and Link's brosectomy,
where we got our vasectomies at the same time,
a lot of years ago now, probably seven years ago.
On camera.
And then he came on the show over a year later
when we had an episode,
Do You Remember People from the Show?
And you did not remember. And I just looked him right in the face
and did not remember who he was.
Shout out to the propofil.
But listen to what Dr. Hyman does.
Whatever he gave me.
He gave you like a volume.
He didn't give me anything except local anesthesia.
So, he said that what he does,
this guy had never heard of us.
Yeah.
Never watched any of our videos.
Yeah.
But he said, Dr. Hyman, in an effort to calm you down, is like,
watch this YouTube video of me doing this...
One of the orientation steps now is watching the video of him doing
a song from Mythical More.
Are you serious?
Yeah. Because I remember when we went in, he showed us a video.
He doesn't show, I don't think he shows that at the office,
but he's like, an additional resource is if you wanna see me
actually performing it, I did it on camera for the show
Good Mythical Morning.
And so, and he was like, I watched it.
And he's like, of course, you're the guy.
Yes, I love that.
We should syndicate this to all...
...vicectomizers.
And of course, colonoscopy made me think about that
because we did the same thing with the...
...rolinoscopy.
But yeah, Dr. Hyman is...
I wonder if he shows people that.
He's doing great work, man.
He's still, like...
You know, that was our intention.
I mean, our intention was, hey, we needed to get vasectomies.
Might as well turn it into an entertainment.
No regrets.
But the fact that it was,
because there's so many misconceptions,
I told him, I was like, the number of people
who still think we got castrated is mind-boggling to me.
Like the number of people who think that
in order to not get our wives pregnant,
we got our nuts cut off.
It's just so.
Yeah, obviously that's what they do to dogs.
I know, but I just, I don't know.
Bulls.
It makes me so sad for people's brains.
Yeah.
I don't know, I just can't get over it.
It makes me sad for bulls because they could just do
to bulls what they did to us,
and then the bulls could still have their nuts hanging.
And dogs, by the way.
Dogs could keep their nuts.
That's a good point, but I think that it's a much more complicated surgery.
Now I'm gonna be honest, I'm glad that Jasper doesn't have his nuts.
He's a lap dog and he likes to flay around, and I just don't want the satchel
tapping me.
Yeah.
And also, it's a selfish reason, but he's my dog, and I'm just being honest.
And it's a sign that you know that this dog is neutered, right?
Because it doesn't have balls.
Yeah. Yep.
You're like, oh, okay, job's done.
And if you catch me bending over naked,
you don't know what to conclude.
Right.
And there's other puzzling things too.
Should I get into it?
No, no, no, no.
Okay, yeah, I'm not gonna get into it.
Okay, I just thought that was so amazing
that that was the connection.
That is great.
That makes me so happy.
I kinda wanna go back.
To Dr. Hyman?
Yeah. It makes me wanna go back I kind of want to go back. To Dr. Hyman? Yeah.
It makes them want to go back just to see my own video.
You got anything else that needs work?
No.
Okay.
Next.
Hi, my name is Carolyn and I am from Missouri.
Um, I was just calling to talk about the last episode where Rhett was called out for not being able to pronounce words and I just want to say I
I am a speech therapist and I think Rhett sounds fine. I wrote down a few
things of you know why his sounds are okay. One, there's something called dialect
and you guys have a Southern dialect.
So that's gonna impact his speech.
Mocalic Ls and Rs, those kind of make your Ls and Rs
a little more relaxed.
So words like golf and wolf,
your L is not gonna be a full L.
Also having a small mouth,
if anything, it'd benefit your speech
because your tongue
can get where it needs to go if it's smaller. And lastly, if everyone knows what you're
saying, we don't need to be so nitpicky about pronouncing the L so clearly and all that.
I think the most important thing is we understand it and that's what communication is. So keep
on doing what you're doing, Rhett. I think you sound great.
And I'm a big fan of Ear Biscuits.
Thanks, bye.
Wow, you know what I just realized?
That the therapist part of speech therapy
is what just happened to you.
Yeah, I feel like a new man.
Like she didn't help you with speech,
she helped you with your point of view of yourself.
Like did your self-esteem just go up?
It did.
Okay, let me try to balance that.
Okay.
You still sound stupid occasionally.
Well, I will say, I thought when she said small mouth
is also part of your problem.
Yeah, I thought she was going there.
She was like, they should make it easier.
I was like, hold on now.
Because your.
My tongue can get where it needs to be. Yeah, it can she was going there. They should make it easier. I was like, hold on now. Cause your- My tongue can get where it needs to be.
Yeah, it can.
Quicker.
Unless your tongue's too big for your mouth.
I don't think it is.
You got a little tongue too.
Yep.
Little mouth, little tongue.
Uh-huh.
Average tongue.
Oh no, but I feel good because,
yeah, if you can understand me, you know when I say wolf,
you know what I'm saying.
Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.
When I'm gonna play golf, you know what I'm gonna go play.
You think there's a new game that's been invented
called golf that you don't know about
or do you think I'm gonna play golf?
You know what I'm trying to do.
Right?
Are you willing to say that to people
who laugh at you and point and?
If somebody says,
you say wolf in a funny way, I'll be like,
yeah, but what did I say?
And they'll say a wolf and I'll be like, that's right.
So what's the problem?
Yeah.
And you know what, where I got this,
I got this information from a speech therapist.
It really made me feel special.
Wow.
So I'm never gonna think about it again.
I'm just gonna keep saying words
the way that they come to me.
Wolf pack.
We can hide behind our dialect in your small mouth.
["Wolf Pack Theme Song"]
Hi Ret and Link, my name is Caroline and I'm a mythical beast from Australia. I've just listened to your podcast about flounder stacking handshakes and I wanted to say that
I've been the, I guess you should call it, recipient of a few of those as a school teacher when you're like
a team of teachers, myself and my teacher aide and whatnot, saying thank you to parents
for shaking hands.
I've had quite a few parents who will take my hand and maybe a teacher aide's hand, sometimes
three hands, and put them between their two hands and do like a shake and say thank you
all so much for making a difference and so when I've been classed in between two hands of like a happy dad that's glad that I've taught
something with my teaching partners I felt like I was a bit of a founder being stacked
I guess you'd call it. Yeah I find it quite warm and a nice way to group and thank all
of us. So I think what Rett's done is way to group and thank all of us.
I think what Rhett's done is, you know,
group them together and say thank you or goodbye
as a group in a nice warm embrace.
So I approve and am pro the stacking.
Pro stacking.
A warm hand embrace.
It's happening independently around the globe.
Well, I've been waiting for, what was his name?
Tommy?
Tommy, yeah, Tommy Richmond.
Because he's a man of influence.
Yeah.
He's got more influence than we do.
Come on, Tommy, pick it up.
So I just feel like the fact that he was,
like I was gonna say the victim,
but maybe the recipient of this,
his real world experience, he would just talk about it.
He was the stacked flounder, maybe write a song about it.
Can he write a song about it called Flounder Stacking?
I think he can.
And maybe drop my name, and your name, because I mean.
Million dollar flounder stacking.
And if Tommy Richmond could bring this into pop culture,
that's really what, I think that's how it will
cross over and get under.
And it needs to, and that's why we played this voicemail,
because in this new year of our Lord, 2025,
we need to stack the flounders.
We don't need to forget.
This doesn't need to be a thing of the past
that happened to you that was amazing,
that was your top moment of last year.
And I witnessed it, and as amazing as it was,
things tend to fade.
And you know what?
This cannot fade.
I had the opportunity, I didn't, I just realized this.
What?
I had the opportunity to do it.
We had some, you know, we have people
from different places who will show up
and have business meetings with us
here at Mythical Entertainment.
Yeah, yeah.
And there's a lot of executive type people
I was meeting all at once.
And there's two women approached at the same time
and both of their hands came out at the same time
and I didn't even think about it.
Oh.
And I should have just grabbed both of their hands
and taken them.
Just raked them together.
It's just corralling up.
It's like the cowboy corral, you know?
Get your cattle.
So you could cattle corral it.
You can flounder stack it.
I gotta think about this.
The next time I see two hands extended to me,
I gotta grab both of them.
Now, going with the other hand on top
to make sure that they don't escape,
this is the Australian technique.
Yeah, down under, you gotta go down under with it,
with the second hand.
Bring the other hand in so that,
don't let them get away.
If there's two hands extended to you,
don't miss the opportunity.
We have to make this happen,
and we can't depend
on Tommy Richmond to do it for us.
Yeah, but if he will, please write a song, or at least mention it in another song.
Yeah.
Hi y'all, I'm Lucy, but knowing your history with names and these voicemails, I'm happy
with whatever new name you give me. I'm from Arkansas and I was hoping y'all could give
me some advice. My husband, Zach, and I have been married for seven years and for a lot of that time
we've been trying to do something which we haven't really told our families about. Well,
we recently got lucky and were able to adopt an adorable little girl. Lucy is five years
old and she is the light of our lives. As I said, we never told our families about all
this so we were looking for some advice on how to tell them.
We live about an hour away from most of them, so we see them every now and then, and we
also have a huge family reunion in a little over three months.
For context, there weren't any fertility issues.
Adoption was just the way Zach and I wanted to grow our family.
Also, our family, they're a little more traditional and old-fashioned than they're thinking, which
you might be familiar with, and that's kind of some of our hesitation in how to
tell them. Got any advice? Thanks and much love, Vass.
Lucy! I remember your name.
Well, congratulations, Lucy. The light of your life.
I love those long eyes.
That is so cute, and I assume the baby's cute.
I mean, it's a five-year-old.
I assume the five-year-old's cute
because it's just such a cute story.
Oh my goodness.
Agreed.
So it's good that you didn't send a picture
because I'm picturing the cutest five-year-old ever.
And that may not be the case.
Okay.
Why am I still talking?
What do you think?
Well- I do have an idea,
but I'll let you go first.
Well, I think that now you're gonna have to,
you got to make sure that your daughter is okay with this.
And I think that five-year-olds
would be into this kind of idea.
I basically think you gotta go to the family reunion
and I just think you gotta just act like
you've always had this little girl.
Hey, gaslight the hell out of these people.
Make them think that they've all gone crazy.
This is Tammy.
You don't remember Tammy for the past four years?
Yeah, and then the little girl would-
Go along with her. Will have, you know, we gotta prepare her. You know, and then the little girl would. Go along with.
Will have, you know, we gotta prepare her.
You know, we gotta take pictures of people.
We gotta show her pictures of people.
We gotta invent a little backstory for each person.
And then, I mean, if you're expecting some judgment,
then I think you just go in.
This is the aggressive move, going in with gaslighting.
Now, I'm not gonna ask the obvious question,
which is what is the impact on an adopted child
when you come up with an elaborate ruse
to cover up the fact that they're adopted?
I mean we're not child psychologists,
we don't know. We're not child psychologists,
we don't know, but it's probably fine.
It's probably totally fine.
My idea is the exact opposite.
Okay, okay, okay.
Options, you have options.
You got to get someone to show up
at the family reunion early that knows no one there.
You have an operative.
Operative distraction.
And they bring your daughter and when the,
when the, when the, they bring your daughter to the, if it's at a park or some sort of,
usually family unions are in kind of like a public place. But if it's a private place,
like you be in the neighbor, be like in the fringe, like in the bushes. And then when
it's kicking into high gear, when everybody's got their food and they're like yucking it up, then just drop that five year old,
just send the five year old into the thing with a note.
Now I'm not gonna write the note for you,
but I'm talking about Moses in the basket
type situation here.
I'm a little girl in need of parents.
Yep.
Something like that?
Yep, I'm a little girl in need of parents.
And I mean, a five year old, they can talk, they can represent themselves,
so they gotta get their story straight from this, you know, friend of yours.
Okay.
And then you are the hero.
So it looks like a live adoption.
A live adoption, just right there in front of everybody.
Just like...
This is a better plan than mine.
Just like a... just a child has wandered up up and everyone has fallen in love with this child and
everything's stopped. No one is even eating anymore. They're just getting to know
this wonderful child that needs to be adopted immediately.
But it's not a raffle. I thought you might say it was gonna be a raffle and you could read.
Yeah, the daughter is selling raffle tickets.
For herself. Yeah, but then... She's conducting her selling raffle tickets. And then... For herself.
Yeah, but then...
She's conducting her own raffle.
Yes!
She's a five-year-old, she walks in, she was like,
today I'm doing a raffle, whoever wins gets to take me home.
Yep, I have no parents, I only have a bunch of raffle tickets.
I am a little girl in need of parents.
And then everybody's starting buying tickets,
and then you notice who's buying the most tickets
because they're most aligned, or your competition.
But she's been instructed. She reaches into the hat, and she knows the number
that she's gonna say.
It's rigged. The raffle is rigged, and everyone's so happy, and the whole family
feels like they're a part of it.
Yeah.
That's it, dude.
Now, what if somebody tries to call the police though?
Because if I was at a family reunion
and a five-year-old girl walked up and was like,
I need parents and I'm conducting a raffle to find them,
I'd probably call the police.
So we have to be like-
We gotta pay the police off with the money
that she's collected.
I think we need, you can't let people call 911.
You're gonna have to hire a fake cop
that is like security for the family reunion.
Yeah, already there.
Just get one of the stripper cops
because they're the cheapest.
Yeah, yeah.
And then the stripper cop can also be the one
to like hang out with your daughter before
She enters the party
So it's like cop brings the little girl in yeah the stripper cop well no the stripper cop is
Watching the daughter until the daughter is sent in and no one knows that they're that they know each other, okay?
And then the stripper cop shows up at just the right time
when they're about to call the cops.
It's like, no, I'm already here.
I'm local, I'm a local authority,
and this is the kind of thing happens here in this county.
You know what, let me get my notepad out.
Oh, is this a raffle?
Is this a child raffle?
I think it's in my, let me take my pants off
to see if I can find my notepad.
You know, you have to wait.
If things go sideways and this doesn't go over well,
the stripper cop is instructed to begin stripping.
Yep.
Then we create a distraction.
Everything about the adoption.
You're gonna go up to the KFC bucket.
Right.
He's gonna empty the chicken out
and he's just gonna put it on himself
and walk around with it.
Just the bucket just.
This is quite a family reunion. I mean, not only have we solved all your problems,
but we made one hell of a party.
Yeah.
Because we are party people today.
Yeah.
Pretty good, huh?
Sound advice.
Pretty good. We got there.
Hi, Rhett and Link. I'm Emily. I have a very serious question for both of you. If your
wives were worms, or if your wives were a worm or worms, they could be together or separate
worms in their own habitats. But anyway, would you still love them if they were worms? And
it's not a yes or no question. It's more of, like, how would you love them? To what degree would you love them and how would you take care of them?
Also, how would you include them into your lives as worms?
And yes, it's permanent. Love you guys. Bye.
How would I love my worm wife? I'll tell you right now. Less and less over time.
Well, we decided to answer this question.
You know, what does not grow closer to a worm?
Well, just to give a little context, we get asked this question. I mean, this
question went viral at some point.
Yeah, like at different points it comes back up.
Yeah, would you still love me if I was a worm?
Oh.
And so we just decided to finally answer it.
Okay.
All right, good.
So Link, you're saying that-
I didn't know we were being inundated with it.
You're saying that-
We're inundated.
Less and less over time.
I would love her less and less over time because
that's just the nature of worm relationships, I believe.
So she was who she's been up until this point to me.
Like she's been a full human and then she just became a worm.
So like we have the history.
But this is why I reject the premise of the question.
Because you don't have the history if she becomes a worm.
She doesn't have the history anymore. She's a worm brain.
And so she can only experience things that worms can experience. And so I'm not going to give myself to my wharf,
my wharf.
Hey, I know what you're saying.
My worm wife, otherwise known as a wharf,
in the same way that I gave myself in all capacities
to my human wife because she can't experience anything
that a worm can't experience.
So she doesn't act like the little inchworm on Sesame Street?
No.
That guy has a lot of personality.
If she's a conscious worm, then we've got a different story.
But let me just go with the first option, which is she just becomes an actual worm.
Okay.
At that point, I'm sorry. I know it was my wife, now it's a worm.
Is she going fishing?
Exactly.
Fuck!
I want her to go out in style and I want her to serve a purpose, you it's a worm. Is she going fishing? Exactly. Ah! I want her to go out in style
and I want her to serve a purpose, you know?
For you.
And so I'm gonna catch a big ass bass with her.
And eat that bass, you know?
Okay, it would be really.
I'll mount the bass and be like,
let me tell you about, oh, tell me about that big bass.
Mount the bass.
Going back a few years, my wife turned into a worm
and I didn't wanna to continue the relationship,
so I fished with her.
I'm with you, I'm almost with you completely.
Like, yes, give her purpose.
Christy would become a worm that I would use as bait.
I would catch a bass.
But that's where we part ways because at that point,
I am endeavoring to have a meaningful relationship
with the bass.
Oh, I'd mount the bass or eat it.
I don't like you saying mount the bass.
I've said it a number of times, I do not like it.
Okay.
Yeah, I am implying that I would mount the bass.
You can't have a meaningful relationship with a bass.
I've heard about Matt Lieb telling a story on, I don't wanna hear about that.
If she was gonna be, first of all, if she's gonna be a conscious worm, that's tough.
Oh, that's a tough situation.
I would do my best. I'd put her, I'd move her around. I guess I would, I'd have a pocket warm environment,
I guess, like something I could take with me.
A little soil pocket?
A little soil.
A little dirty pocket?
Soil batat that I keep in my pocket, you know?
With a little window so you can see.
Maybe I would attach it to my phone.
You know how people can like stick their wallets
to the back of their phones now?
Like I would have a vertical,
like it would be the shape of another phone
and it would stick to my phone
and she'd probably be in that.
Yeah, yep.
Okay, yeah, I mean,
I'm not saying I would enjoy it though.
And then I would drop her at some point.
By accident.
It would be an accident and it'd be over.
Right.
I'd feel bad about it for a while
and then I'd have to get over it.
Yeah, I mean, I gotta say.
She would want me to, y'all.
One of the things I most love about my wife
is the fact that she's human.
It's a great aspect.
It's like one of my favorite things about her.
Yeah.
And if you take that away,
I don't know if I'd feel the same.
Now, now.
And I don't think that makes me a bad person.
Now if she became a dog.
A dog.
Now we're talking.
Now I'm not, I mean, we're not really talking.
It's not like that would be my preference.
I made it seem, it really came out like,
this is an upgrade, but for the record,
Now we're talking.
I was not, I was not thinking of upgrading my wife
to a dog.
That's not what I was thinking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh gosh.
Okay, we had done so good on the other ones.
Yeah, you didn't finish strong though.
No.
You didn't finish strong.
Let's finish with that one,
the girl that wants us to guess her accent
because that's fast and maybe we can figure it out.
Okay.
Hi, Rhett and Link.
I have been watching you guys for so long
and I wanted to just talk for a minute
and see if you could guess where I am from just
based off of my voice and my accent.
I don't know, some people say I have a really strong accent, I probably do.
But at the end of this voicemail, I will tell you where I'm from.
My name is Haley and...
Okay.
Oh, so then you paused.
She paused.
I definitely have... I don't think I'm very good at this, but...
I have an inkling.
I have a guess that came to me.
Okay, I have a guess too.
Do you have a guess? I have a guess that came to me. Okay, I have a guess too.
You have a guess? I have a guess. Okay, well, you first.
Okay, I think this person is from
the Appalachian Mountains.
I think they're either from Western North Carolina
or Eastern Tennessee.
And I'm gonna go, but I'm gonna say not quite all the way.
I'm gonna say Hickory.
Hickory, North Carolina.
On the way to the mountains.
So you think North Carolina.
I too think this is North Carolina.
And I think it's not far from where we grew up.
I'm thinking a few counties over.
West or east?
I'm going east.
You're going east, okay.
So I'm going like Johnston County. Okay.
I thought it was a little more southern than that.
Just how slow her speech was
and she said something at one point
that sounded very like southern south.
So I wanna guess Charleston.
Oh. Okay.
So you're in South Carolina.
Yeah, I'm in South Carolina.
Charleston can give you a little proper.
Yeah, I heard a slight properness in one of the words.
Huh.
So that's my guess.
Okay, let's find out.
I am from Oklahoma.
What? What?
What?
Yeah, see from Oklahoma. What? What? What? Yeah, see.
Oklahoma.
But it was very North Carolina to us.
Well, but see, that's the thing is that
if you're from Oklahoma, you might be like,
oh, it was so obvious.
I actually think this is really, really difficult to do.
If you just look at the dialect of just North Carolina
and how it changes, it is kind of wild how, and then of course
like a lot of people who are born there now don't even have an accent, but like
tracking this up, there's a few times, like if she was doing that Arkansas accent
that we heard earlier, with those really, really flat eyes, like that's, there's some
people in North Carolina that talk like that, but not many.
Yeah.
And then that's also a little bit of a Texas thing. I would've thought that
Oklahoma would've had some of the flat eyes.
Okay.
But I don't know. Wow.
This is a fun game. If you wanna call us and do this, don't forget to tell us
where you're from at the end of the voicemail, but not earlier.
We will get better. We will study up.
Again, that's 1-888-
EarPod 1!
Whoo! That's it.
We'll talk to you next week, and remember,
check out Dispatch's from Odo Beach as well.
Hi, it's Veronica and CatDog,
and we just wanted to tell you that you kept us alive
on more than one occasion.
We just met at a bar, but honestly,
your connection between everybody on this world
is beyond amazing and you guys have saved us.
Mythical Beasts to the end of the earth,
love you guys for fucking ever.
You won't be able to post this,
but you'll probably be able to hear it
because I said the F word.
But love you guys!